sometimes i absolutely loathe my brain

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Autistic burnout like... 🥴😳😱😵😖

When I was younger, I could sit down and focus on studying for hours on end. I loved studying, it was my favorite thing to do and I was able to focus sooo deeply. Since I went through severe autistic burnout, I can't do that anymore. I still love studying. I love learning new things wholeheartedly. But concentrating takes so much from me, I can't concentrate for longer periods of time anymore and I also can't enter that state of deep concentration I used to fall into anymore. I don't know if it actually is related to going through autistic burnout. But however, having lost that ability makes me really sad from time to time.

i’ve been wanting to say this for a while but if i don’t respond to asks or messages but still post, i’m most likely not ignoring it because i don’t care but because i have so much going on its overwhelming. i have a million thoughts going in and out of my head and so many things to do that i’m trying to get one task done and can’t so i end up making myself more busy. reblogging stuff is an easy distraction/break that doesn’t require a lot of thought but most of the time responding to people requires to much mental energy that just don’t have because i’m so burnt out. i just wanted to post this because i really do love getting messages and asks! i’m just really bad at responding to them efficiently

got called irresponsible, neglectful, and lazy by my boss today because i didn’t know ants eat clothes and i got a surprise infestation and asked for one (1) shift off to deal with the problem. having never asked for surprise time off or called out in the past.

I love our little weird protag trio.

In the first game, the trio was Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya. Byakuya wasn't our friend, but he was brilliant and easily pieced information together. He was often valuable to have in Class Trials, when he wasn't making a shit of himself. Sometimes on purpose.

Makoto was the square peg in a round hole. He was just here because he'd won a lottery. But he was being handheld by Kyoko for much of the game. She would often defer to him, asking him questions and pumping him up to be the one solving mysteries.

Pay attention to how often Kyoko will say things like, "I won't explain because it's important for you to come to your own conclusion" or "Makoto, explain this," and you start to pick up on some things. She queues him up quite a bit.

In a sense, it almost seemed as if she was marinating him similar to how Sayaka was. Not for murder, however, but as a decoy to draw out the Mastermind. Making him the focus of attention, making him the star of every trial, nudging him to reach all the conclusions and finger all the suspects and deliver all the case summaries so that everyone takes notice of how smart and observant he is.

So that when the Mastermind strikes, she'll strike at him, and Kyoko can be there when it happens. Which is precisely what took place in 1-5.

Makoto was Just Some Guy in a sea of Ultimate Talents, but he was smart enough to pick up what Ultimate Detective Kyoko was putting down and become a capable investigator in his own right.

Then we come to Danganronpa 2 and all three of us are square pegs in a round hole. Our big trio this time around is

Nagito, the new Just Some Guy Who Won A Lottery.

Hajime, a literal nobody from the Reserve Course.

Chiaki, an AI plant impersonating an Ultimate student.

None of us are real Talents, at least no moreso than Makoto was. NezumiVA put it best when she said that DR1's cast is like the successful popular valedictorian crew and DR2's cast are the kids who fell through the cracks. We're the dropouts. The burnouts. The ones who don't belong.

I often think that's a big part of why people like this particular cast so much, out of all the Danganronpa casts. It's easy to relate to that, especially for neurodivergent people.

But what gets me is that among that group, our investigation trio are the loser outcasts of the dropout crew. That's great. All of the hearts. Let's go solve all of the things, Ultimate Losers! At least until one of us tries to kill everyone, anyway.

If you’re going through autistic+ADHD (auDHD) burnout, you may experience:

*anxiety

*depression

*extreme lethargy

*inability to ask for help

**memory issues

**loss of words or selective mutism

**reduced executive functioning (e.g., staying organized, making decisions)

**trouble bouncing back from daily tasks

*suicidal thoughts

+

**Feelings of fatigue and constant exhaustion.

*Low self-confidence coupled with high self-criticism.

*Lack of motivation and drive to complete tasks.

*Anger and resentment toward responsibilities, obligations, and other people.

What do we need to exit the burnout realm:

Stimming and sensory stimulation/deprivation

Food, water, medications

Physical safety (e.g., a home, your bedroom, a place to stay that is away from harm)

Social support (e.g., can someone help you with chores? managing your schedule? explaining neurotypical norms going on around you? doing tasks that require engaging with others like making phone calls?)

Time for special interests

Time for sleep, recovery, and rest

If someone you know is experiencing auDHD burnout, be gentle with them, they're already barely holding it together with straws and Scotch tape.

Don't add to the burnout, requiring us to submit more energy spoons than necessary, and understand that the size of your energy spoons are different from those of neurodivergent people. We have less spoons to dole out, and they're tea spoons compared to your serving spoons.

Let us rest. Send us home early from work or class, let us do our work in the safety of our home environment during burnout phases. Everyday interactions that are energizing for neurotypical people are extremely energy draining for those with auDHD, especially during a burnout phase.

Help them if you are willing and able. Those of us with auDHD most of the time don't know or understand what exactly our needs are. Having a support system around that can see what is needed and offer assistance could mean the difference in those of us with auDHD between crashing or being able to recharge.

Be kind. This isn't the time to bully or make fun of the person with auDHD. There is no need to be a jerk in the first place, but we live in the real world, with real, neurotypical people who do not understand how our brains work so differently as to cause situations like burnout that affect others around the person with audhd. Just be kind, those experiencing burnout are already fragile emotionally and probably spiritually. Being a part of our support system as opposed to someone who is making it more difficult to survive this experience could mean the difference between recovery or crashing.

For those with auDHD, find support groups online. There are so many other adults experiencing auDHD and burnout in today's demanding neurotypical world. You're not alone in this.

Regarding Angst and Ableism In The Submas Fandom

Posts I've made explaining why people get burned out on angst, why certain depictions are ableist and how they can have real life impact on people.

I'm reposting this from one of my posts here, because I want these things to be absolutely clear:

These are not callout posts for, nor posts attacking any art, fics, or person in particular.

I am not responsible for bad faith interpretations or other potential misinterpretations of me addressing these issues that have personally affected friends, acquaintances, and myself, should people choose to make these interpretations.

Unknowingly making ableist content does not make you a bad person. Everyone still has things to learn, everyone has room for change and growth. Self-education and critical thinking are very important here (and everywhere). A desire to correct a mistake, change, and grow from it is better all around than digging your heels in and refusing to budge or listen.

I am also not responsible for the reading comprehension or critical thinking skills of others. If you don’t read the entire post and choose to be reactionary towards it, including making assumptions about what was said or putting words in my mouth, I am not at fault (and I will not respond to/block you).

As always, bl*nkshippers are not welcome on my content. And if this boundary offends you, that is not my problem. Do not reblog, reply, DM, or in any way contact me to complain. All that will happen is I will block you.

Please note that while I am a fan of Submas, I never will consider myself in the Submas fandom because of these as well as other issues with the Submas fandom, as well as the direction fandom as a whole has been heading.

Links to the posts themselves:

Please Be Careful About How You Portray Submas: A post breaking down early fanart from when Gen 5 was the most recent compared to recent portrayals, how to spot ableist content, and suggestions in how to handle it.

Submas Portrayal Issues Part 2: Why certain ships come off as ableist, presenting mental illness and abusive relationships as "entertaining", and singling out Submas (but especially Emmet) as "not human".

Addressing Ableism In The Submas Fandom And Its Impact Again: How many people have been impacted since the wake of PLA to the point of not wanting to see any PLA-content, or even Submas content regardless of what it is.

Regarding Angst And Burnout: A personal post on why the constant Submas angst was burning me out, why PLA itself was burning me out, and how it felt like as of April 2022 there wasn't much space for people who aren't fans of angst (I have long since stopped bothering looking in any Submas tags and am not aware of how much angst vs non-angst content there currently is, but I am not interested in checking).

More About Burnout, Setting Boundaries, And Taking Care Of Yourself: Why people are burned out on Submas angst, other situations in fan spaces that cause burnout, and what can be done on tumblr to curate your experience.

Submas...hairstyles?: Short post about how the tendency to show only Emmet with fluffy, unkempt hair, etc combined with other "quirky" traits (especially compared to Ingo) can quickly look like casual ableism.

Neurodivergent People Talking About Ableist Content Striking a Nerve With You? Please Think About Why: Even if you yourself are neurodivergent, everyone can learn and do better.

Emmet is NOT: Exactly what it says on the tin. This has been going on for over a decade. Please interact with the source material in some way and stop reducing Emmet to out-of-character, ableist stereotypes!

Making Submas OOC While Using Neurodivergence As A Prop Harms Real People: Again, please interact with the source material and learn about how coding characters works rather than decide every neurodivergent character that gets intense about a hobby is "y*ndere". And please discern when it may be more appropriate to make an OC rather than make a character OOC.

Im laying my bets now. the entire idea that autism (and adhd) is more common in men and boys is pure myth created by poor science, backwards statistics and faulty parameters of the condition itself. in another 50 years we will understand it was never a gendered condition. just a highly gendered and biased measurement system. i'm absurdly confident on that

the rates of autism in girls is "rising" exponentially. it is rising even more exponentially in girls than in boys. not because girls are becoming more autistic. but because the "science" is just getting better at measuring and accurately acknowledging autism in girls.

autism often does present differently in girls, due to how girls are raised or personality differences. the literature and criteria was based on boy sample groups. the entire research data was done on white men as if that is a standard default person and control group.

not only that, doctors and teachers and parents literally were not looking for it in girls under the false widely propagated belief it was rare in women in girls. it is a self fulfilling prophecy. that's not science.

we will soon have to reckon with the lost generations of autistic girls and women and children assigned female at birth* who never got diagnosis and early intervention. we should be forcing the world to reckon with it right now. a great deal of autistic millennial women are brilliant minds who dropped out of STEM and the workforce due to their untreated and misidentified disability overtaking their life. the impact of never Knowing you or your child is autistic or adhd is difficult to comprehend for autistic and adhd people who did get diagnosed as children. even when the awareness and interventions were unhelpful or harmful. the harm of not knowing means the child trying even harder to become neurotypical and a level of autistic burnout few others on the spectrum can comprehend, often taking place after the woman is a legal adult, and there are no legal protections in place for this disabled person.

the unmitigated stress of being developmentally delayed and never knowing it, simply hating and blaming yourself and fighting day in and out past your limits to become neurotypical, limits your don't know you should have because you have never been so much as briefed on what adhd or autism can feel like. you don't know the distres and tiredness you're feeling is "dysregulation". this is why we see women in nervous breakdowns. psychiatric wards. treatment resistant depression. electric shock therapy. hard drug addiction. cutting. homelessness. personality disorders. dissociation. psychosis. early death by accident or suicide. (obviously people who are not autistic or adhd have these illnesses but my point is untold and disproportionate numbers of them are undiagnosed neurodivergent with unprocessed trauma. i'm telling you. more than you think).

it's why we see young people on tiktok not faking DID per say, but describing a dissociated experiences and fractured sense of self and escapist alternate personalities, a mental illness that has much less in common with traditional DID, but has much in common with struggling and under-treated autistic people. DID is a very rare condition. autism is very common. autism can create out of body experiences and self protective blurring of reality and fantasy so extreme, no person can be expected to understand it is autism if they never been advised about their own disability and the knowledge that should he available to them. it's no wonder we have people with mislabeled rare disorders like DID who are clearly very sick but instead of showing real DID signs, are sick with all the signs of severe unassisted autism they have been completely barred from understanding or coping with in any other way. for those lucky enough, we see unemployed young women with severe chronic pain in their 20s and 30s who look and feel like they're elderly and gave up their dreams when they hit 21 or 25 and their brains stopped working and their bodies shut down. now they mostly scroll tumblr and tiktok and try to remember to open the blinds. they have a roof but people scorn them for entitled laziness and worst of all derided for "self diagnosing".

again i'm asking why CFS chronic fatigue syndrome is so responsive to adderall. i'm asking why professionals are reluctant to test women for adhd if she does well in school because she is very bookish and why experts in the field are openly amused and doubtful to test a woman for autism if she has a long term boyfriend. why is ability to mask or function a disqualification. why is inability to function in women, who later turn out to be autistic or adhd, so aggressively mischaracterized as BPD, bipolar, depression, OCD, schizophrenia. why is autism and adhd clinically diagnosed and defined by distress and dysfunction and not by intrinsic traits and qualities that present while still functional for preventative care. why are all people, men and women forced to wait until their lives and minds are deteriorating and they have experienced some irreversible disasters and pain before they can be diagnosed. why must girls and boys wait until their daily life as children have become unbearable hell for them before their disability can be treated and acknowledged. and if these policies are changing now, why are doctors and psychiatrists not eagerly and urgently reaching out to find the vulnerable adults they missed during more archaic screening methods. we aren't rising in adhd diagnosis because of tiktok you assholes. adult onset adhd and autism don't exist. those people were always adhd. adult onset skill regression and increase in severity due to stress DOES happen in adulthood. modern day stresses like loss of structure during the pandemic and social media is advancing to become more attention span draining. everyone is feeling the effects but these are causing adhd and autistic people to cope less and mask less effectively so they are running into significant problems, their loved ones are noticing, they are getting referrals and suddenly forced to google their rapidly worsening mental issues for the first time and seeing they line up with a known neurological condition . this is obvious. doctors blaming it on some sort of trend are being willfully clueless

*because autism especially is screened identified diagnosed and first intervened ages 2-5, before a child has an internal concept of self or gender and above all before they can express their gender, diagnostic practices and criteria are based on how adults perceive a child via birth assignments. and the studies are overwhelmingly beholden to data only on children assigned male at birth, rarely accounting for their actual future gender either. as part of the warped science insisting that autism is as if somehow linked to the y chromosome and not a universally likely human quality, you see amab kids laser focused on as candidates and afab kids fucked over most of all. all children assigned female have the worst chances of their developmental disability being identified and acknowledged in a timely manner and disproportionately experience late diagnosis in later adolescence or adulthood. tho i wouldn't be surprised if trans womens rates of accurate diagnosis is lower than cis men. as trans girls may present autism differently and characteristic of girls autism, even while still in the closet or before she knows she is trans. regardless adults are very vigilant for signs of autism, even atypical ones, in any child they perceive as a boy. so any millennial or gen z child identified female at birth had significantly worse chance at receiving autistic support compared to peers

in particular women assigned male at birth might have a better chance at being identified for types of autism that are often labeled "high functioning", involves high masking, and often receives few services. these more invisible types of autism often need to be diagnosed before age 5 in order to qualify under the criteria at all. and so in the days where autism was believed to be 20x more common in the genetics of xy children, any chance of being considered and diagnosed would come down to almost purely birth assignment dependent. with the less outwardly visible types of autism, a person who misses this window will remain autistic all their life but once they learn a certain level of skills and masking, no matter how late they learn these, the person will no longer qualify for diagnosis, either not until they have a nervous breakdown or possibly not ever qualify. it's this type of more hidden autism we see struggling across the board as undiagnosed adults including both trans and cis women especially, tho we are seeing it disproportionately even more so in undiagnosed afabs of any gender. who are dropping out of schooling and work and succumbing to severe mental illnesses during what should be the prime of their lives. overall tho birth assignment is not everything this is an issue that disproportionately impacts cis women. trans women. trans men. non-binary people. likely doubling for those that are afab. and then tripling and quadrupling for children who are not white.

bit of an understatement in that last part there. gender likely isn't even the biggest barrier to proper diagnosis and treatment. probably race is even more so. but since gender is such a big disparity in itself across race and one i relate to and can speak on from experience ive focused on it here. a more in-depth look is needed on the neglect of adhd and autistic children of color especially black native and latino kids. but for now do keep in mind the points i'm making increase exponentially for kids who aren't white across all genders including cis boys

Gonna be real the gifted kid to chronically/mentally ill burnout pipeline is so real and people who just want to read the valid complaints of people being told they are ahead of the other kids only to be allowed to fall behind for the same reason when our learning disabilities stopped being outweighed by our excellence in other subjects and/or neurodivergence stopped being a boon or endearing and started being weird and off putting and inconvenient as just humblebragging because some eternal high being ridden because we think we’re superior for having higher reading levels in third grade and want continual special treatment for it need to learn some modicum of empathy and understanding that just because someone didn’t or does not struggle in the same way they did or do does not make that struggle nonexistent. And basically every former gifted kid burnout who talks about this shit has already acknowledged once if not multiple times that the kids who were in standard ed, remedials, and special ed all had their own problems put on them by the education system. So. It really just sounds like you don’t like us talking about our own problems.

Fandom 50 Post 12

A Neurodivergent Reading of False Kings by Poets of the Fall

Introduction:

After watching this music video about twenty times on repeat, I started to interpret the lyrics and video in a specific way, hence the title of this post. Basically, I began to interpret the lyrics as a story about a neurodivergent person who is sick of trying to fit in with others.

A little background on me and my experiences: I have autism and ADHD and I’ve had very bad experiences in the past of trying to interact with other people. People only accepted me if I masked, but when I went through a massive burnout as a teenager, I lost my ability to mask. And my friends started drifting away. It seems they only ever liked the façade I put up because I wanted to fit in. And everything fell apart when I started acting ‘weird’.

Anyway, after reading that, you can probably see why I’m projecting so hard onto Marko’s character in the music video. This whole thing is incredibly self-indulgent and basically just an excuse for me to ramble about a song I love.

Some specific lyrics I keep thinking about:

Getting lost singing their song – When you try to hard to change to fit in with others you begin to lose a part of yourself.

It's all I know, but not what I need – All he knows are people who only like the palatable version of himself he puts forward, but masking forever will lead to burnout.

Run from this meaningless pantomime – He wants to get out of here because he’s sick of trying to fit in with people, which feels pointless to him.

Bought their smiles, liquid and smooth / Took their words for the truth – He is gullible and takes people seriously even when they’re mocking him, struggling to tell their true intentions until its too late.

End my wars and erase / And I'm yours – If you help him get away from what overwhelms him/people who don’t respect him, he’ll be so grateful that he’ll do anything for you.

My thoughts about the music video:

Throughout the scenes at the party, Marko’s character looks stressed and tired. The others at the party are laughing together but he doesn’t join in. In fact, he doesn’t seem to have fun throughout the video. Several shots of all the activity in the room then cut back to his face and he looks overwhelmed by everything going on. When he sits down at the chess board, he looks exhausted. After the chess game, he storms out, possibly having reached his limit.

When he’s alone and shaded in red light, he looks visibly different or even ‘monstrous’. Is this because he feels like people see him as a freak and the changes to his face are a visible representation of how he’s othered? Or perhaps it’s a symbolism of him masking – looking like a ‘normal’ person in the black and white scenes versus his inability to look ‘normal’ at other times, hench his appearance in the red scenes.

He seems comfortable with the woman in the bedroom with him. Is she someone who understands/respects the real him? Is that why he sings about being ‘yours’, because he longs for a relationship with someone who really knows him?

In conclusion:

This song means a lot to me as a neurodivergent person, and I just wanted to ramble about why that is.

Things I didn't know I do because I'm Autistic

Here's a more personal post this time. I received my diagnosis in May 2023, but I was reasonably sure for a year or two before that that I was autistic. And long before that I've felt there was something different about me. But now I've done extensive amounts of research - especially on how Autism presents in AFAB people like me - I've been able to understand some things about myself through the lens of being autistic. Below is a short list of things I had no idea could be linked to being neurodivergent. I hope it may help someone who may be wondering about themselves.

Stimming - One of my favourite things to do if I've got some time to waste is bounce on an exercise ball while listening to music. It's quieter than jumping around and still counts as exercise - according to my fitbit. I have done this for many years and if I'm away from home even for a few nights I start to miss it.

Hand flapping - this is one of the visible signs more traditionally associsated with Autism, but I never really made the connection with myself until my diagnosis. It helps me think if I walk into a room and forget what I came in for, and can help me regulate myself if I'm getting frustrated or confused about something. I mask this if I'm in public or with friends, but I do it in front of family members all the time.

Being inflexible around rules - I've always been a very literal person, so if there is a rule I tend to really go out of my way to stick to it. However, I don't always pick up on nuance that they may not apply equally to all situations, which has led to times in the past where I've been very frustrated/confused. For example, with things like school uniform, I would get myself all wound up worrying about the littlest things, but some of the teachers were much stricter about enforcing it than others. I also get very annoyed if other people break rules.

Verbal loops - If I get upset, especially if I'm facing real or perceived rejection, it takes me a long time to calm down and I can get stuck saying the same thing over and over. This is sometimes annoying to the other person and makes them even more upset with me.

There are a lot more, but those are the ones that stick out for me when I think about it. I've had a rough couple of days and am dealing with a bit of burnout, but I wanted to make this post while it was in my head.

While there are behaviours associated with Autism that people are generally familiar, it presents differently in every individual, so there are lots of things that someone who is undiagnosed may not realise are connected to them being neurodivergent.

Follow me for more posts like this!

A Kind of Spark (TV series) (2023)

A Kind of Spark is a 2023 CBBC children's drama series, based on the book of the same name by Elle McNicoll.

The series folows Addie Darrow, a autistic girl who find clues regarding a mystery in her small town's history regarding the time of the witchhunts. She aims to convince the council to set up a memorial for the women from long ago who were persucted simply for being different.

I highly recommend this show. Even though it's aimed at children/young teens, the story never feels childish, even the more humourous moments. The themes of ableism and bullying were dealt with seriosuly and maturely. Many autistic girls who are/were in mainstream school will likely relate to Addie and/or Keedie, and allistics could learn a lot from watching.

Firstly, the actors for the 2 main autistic characters are themselves autistic, and I think I read that many people working behind the camera were autistic too. Also, the author of the original book is autistic.

Addie has a special interest in sharks, and develops a special interest/hyperfixation in the "witches". She experiences sensory overload, mentions sensory issues with her hair being brushed, has a meltdown/shutdown and she has a distinctive gait. She seems like someone who wold be deemed "high-functioning" (the term is not used in the show) in that she may come across to others as "weird but not immediately obviously disabled". She is verbal, makes eye contact and her stims tend to be on the more subtle side. I could see a lot of my younger self in Addie, despite the differences in interests. She isn't a misanthropic genius or a checklist of symptoms but a 3 dimensional, fleshed out character.

One of Addie's older sisters, Keedie is also autistic, and their bond was really touching and engaging. Autistic family members is something I wish we saw more often in the media. Keedie is less notceably autistic for much of the show, which I feel is useful to show to people that plenty of people don't "look" autistic, but still are.

Addie's new friend Audrey is wonderfully supportive and understanding - as opposed to some media where the friend is mean, or portrayed as a saint for "putting up with" an autistic person. Addie's parents are also understanding and supportive on the whole. There's a really nice, brief, simple moment at a family dinner where the dad serves out pasta with different ingredients according to their sensory needs (no sauce for Keedie, smooth sauce for Addie, "lumpy" sauce for everyone else).

Addie and her sister's autism are integral parts of their characters, without the show's story being simply "about autism". The show's message is to respect people who are different, and it's never done in a heavy-handed or "preachy" way. With the witches element, which features glimpses into the past during the witch trials, it was a great way of showing how autism has actually existed for a very long time.

The show deals with ableism and bullying, including the all-too-real occurrence of teachers mistreating autistic students. It is well portrayed, but it might be triggering for some. This is the first time I think I've ever seen autistic burnout portrayed in any media, and it could be enlightening for many allistics watching the show.

In terms of other neurodivergences, there is one character heavily implied to be dyslexic. Unfortunately, she bullies Addie. It seems like part of her treatment of Addie is due to internalised ableism and jealousy, which added an interesting layer to her character but might be off-putting to dyslexic viewers nonetheless.

I suppose one of the few negatives is one that's still very common, in that the autistic characters are white.

Also, Addie's mother tries to discourage her newfound interest in witches, but it's more of in a way to protect her which is hard to explain without giving spoilers. (Some spoilers below).

Keedie developed a special interest in a battle taught in history in class, the intensity of which led to a serious incident at school. Addie and Keedie's mum fears the same thing happening with Addie and the witches (there is more to Keedie's school situation that initially appears, but I don't want to give further spoilers).

It was a little odd that it almost framed Keedie's special interest in said battle itself negatively however - how she would spend hours staring at a painting of it. However, I feel like this was rectified to some extent, as Keedie actually re-engages with this old special interest to aid in her recovery from burnout.

I'm not asking this shit on anon idgaf fr gen srs 100٪. u literally changed my life for the better. i grew up in a conservative canadian small town as an undiagnosed neurodivergent brown skinned Indigenous queer person, and i think i found a safe space where i can express my queerness for the first time in my life, thanks to your community. i never knew i would have so much respect for a white french canadian... anyways...

if u had to hear anything i ever said. just be you and focus yourself at the end of the day. over my 17 years of consuming internet content, burnout is the real killer (other than being a piece of shit and getting exposed for doing such things. if u already done shitty things, ur done, dont even try. get a lowkey job when ur coworkers will never remember ur name and live the shitty life u deserve).

anyways. i hope u know how many ppl appreciate u for just being u. u don't know how much your presence in the popular streamer community is to queer people. even more so when you openly support the trans community during these utterly awful and scary times when it comes to trans rights. thank you so much.

u have singularly improved Indigenous and french canadian relations.

this is a lovely message thank you!!!!

I'm grinding toward the finish line. This past year has been the worst burnout of my life. I'm neurodivergent, burnout is nothing new to me, but this went to a new level, a level I never want to be at again. When I was honest about my struggles, I was laughed at by the doctor who forgot to mute the video chat, and told by my therapist that I needed to do intensive therapy which was essentially hospitalization without the slumber party...after years of her doing nothing of real value. So my spite took over, and since no one was going to give me any idea of what I needed to do, I'd have to figure it out on my own.

The past two weeks I have gone from barely being able to get chores done, to cleaning the kitchen, which is always a bear, but hadn't been properly cleaned in I don't know how long, in one day, working on Christmas, and this week working on cleaning the house. I've done at least an hour of work every day for the last two weeks, that is from barely being able to do 20 minutes of chores. I hit the ground running two weeks ago, and I'm grinding toward the finish line. I can't explain just how bad this place has been for the last year...and bringing it even remotely back under control has been a Herculean effort. If my stubbornness can just hold out another couple days, I'll be able to relax. But I'm definitely feeling the strain. 😅