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ohtobeleah · 4 months

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Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Nine: The Pomegranate Theory

Summary: Jakes still trying to wrap his head around what’s happening with your health. Doctor Ignatii oversteps? And you settle in while Jake helps you write some of your newest book.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4.3K

Author Note: My birthday present to you all is a new chapter of Was It Over. Once again I just wanted to say thank-you all so very much for all the love and support you have given me throughout this series. It truly means the world to me.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The Pomegranate truly is the perfect symbol when comparing the differences between men and women. The enjoyment of a pomegranate is something that cannot and shouldn’t be rushed. Instead, it's something that requires patience and gentle hands. With deliberation and commitment comes the reward of its sweet, sweet flesh.

When rushed, there is failure to collect all the seeds. Many men sacrifice the collection of its entirety for the sake of saving time. They'd rather risk the loss of a percentage of the fruit for immediate gratification. What we often fail to consider is that there may be a reason for the dissimilarities between men and women. We tend to point out that the majority of men don't have the same attention to detail that women do instead of focusing on our individual strengths, and how they can balance and support each other.

Instead, you chose, for the longest of times, to consider that your husband was willing to learn something that perhaps didn't come instinctively to him as it did to you. It's the energy you put into cutting and deseeding the metaphorical pomegranate that represented your marriage, but Jake never seemed to want to learn how to carefully harvest all those beautiful seeds.

You and Jake both collectively brought so much to your marriage, you both had something to learn from one another in order to grow. But choosing resentment when you decided to step away from the man you loved more than life itself was never an option.

Because resentment always leads to isolation:

“Okay small steps for me Y/n.” Doctor Ignatii asked as he held your arms and stood before you. Everything hurt, everything felt wrong. Everything was stiff and out of place, but the sooner you were up and walking even if it was only a few steps here and there–the quicker your recovery would be. Having a stroke wasn't exactly defined as a step in your cancer treatment plan. No, it came right out of the left field and took you, your mother and your doctors by total surprise. “That's it, small steps.”

“I don't think I should keep going, it feels wrong.” Your body didn't feel like your own, the ground underneath your no-slip socks felt uneven. Your feet felt like lead–heavy and weak at the same time. Your head had maintained a dull ache since you woke up post surgery that hadn’t gone away. Overall you just didn't feel like yourself and it showed.

“Your neurological pathways need time to re-adjust to normal.” Doctor Ignatii was hopeful you'd have a pretty smooth recovery, his worry about any deficits post stroke was at a pretty low concern level just based on how quickly they were able to react to the stroke itself. “Give yourself some time, I'll touch base with the plastics department and oncology to discuss your pre-op notes prior to your mastectomy.” Doctor Ignatii explained as Jake watched with crossed arms off to the side as you took a few uneasy steps around the room littered with Christmas lights and decorations for the holiday seasons. “It's gonna be a slow but steady recovery, we just wanna make sure prior to your mastectomy that your body can handle the additional stress it's placed under while in surgery. The fact you're taking baby steps right now is a really good sign.”

“Can I have a shower soon by any chance?” All you wanted was to not feel sticky and gross. “Is that in the realm of possibility any time soon?”

“Only if you try to walk to the bathroom.” Doctor Ignittii replied with a quick wit you appreciated, he wasn't treating you like a sudden gust of a strong wind your be knocked on your sare and you truly appreciated the vote of confidence from your doctor. “But sure, I don't have any problem with you showering, maybe ask for some help?” Doctor Ignatii gestured over to where Jake stood just watching over you. He kept his respective distance but his eyes never left yours. He’s yet to leave your side for more than twenty minutes to grab something to eat, drink and take a deep breath. He was still trying to process how quickly things had changed.

“Happy to help.” Jake teased as he sent you a wink, the half sided smirk was prevalent across his flustered but composed face. “Respectfully.”

“Respectfully–” You replied as you stood on your own, Doctor Ignatti had stepped aside to let you take the lead. “You need to call our children and let them know you haven't abandoned them at their grandmother's house.”

“I should do that, shouldn't I?” Jake sighed, he'd been avoiding the call all together. With it being Christmas Eve Eve and your surgery still going ahead as planned, it was a call Jake wasn't looking forward to making.

“I think it might be a good idea–” You slowly but surely sat down on the edge of your hospital bed, the IV poll you were gripping for dear life pumped against the side before Jake stepped a little closer to fix the tangled wires and cords. “Thanks.” You smiled softly as you watched him work.

“I'll let you know how our pre-op meeting goes, Mrs Seresin.” Doctor Ignatti interrupted with a quick tight lipped smile. “And–” Jake raised an eyebrow as your doctor paused in his tracks. “Although probably unsolicited, I've seen too many families come through these halls to know time is a fickle thing, if your kids aren't aware of your current situation, I favour the side of full transparency, no matter the age.”

You didn't know how to respond so you said nothing and settled on a simple nod with kind eyes to match. Jake however, wasn't as graceful with his snarky growl. He was the very embodiment of a protective German Shepherd with his guard up.

“It's a good thing we didn't ask for your opinion then isn't it.” Jake snapped, he didn't mean to take his insecurities out on the man who had if nothing else saved your life.he was still trying to figure out who this Jensen guy was. But he did and it made you frown with shock horror that such a snarky comment would come from your husband's mouth.

“You’re right, I overstepped.” Doctor Ignatti held it hands up as if to say he was sorry. “I apologise, I'll be back later with an update for you.” You said nothing, you simply chose to remain silent until your doctor had left the room and silence had once again fallen over you and Jake.

“I didn't mean–” Jake wanted to say he didn't mean to be so snappy. That he really didn't mean to bite the hand that saved his wife, But you

“You meant it.” The tone you used broke right through the exterior of Jake's hardened shell. Despite his inability to make it known that all Jake was trying to do in that very moment was show a united front on your decision to keep your family, your husband and subsequently your children in the dark about your current situation—he still helped you back into bed, tucked your legs under the Blau and fixed your pillows. “And he’s right you know, whether we want to hear it or not the kids probably need to know why you left so abruptly.” Jake's phone had been ringing off the hook since he left his mother's house. Jasmine was persistent regardless if Jake was answering or not. Constant texts, missed calls, updates on the kids she knew he was thankful for despite his missing in action status.

“You wanna tell the kids what’s going on?” You and Jake hadn’t really discussed it, he was following your lead on this one. Jake didn’t want to overstep any boundaries you’d set he wasn’t aware of, or had unintentionally forgotten about. He was holding off on everything, telling his sister what the hell was going on, telling his mother more than she ever deserved to know, telling the kids their mum was a little sick.

“No—no, I wanna tell the kids, for now, that I’m just a little sick and that’s why I needed you here more than they needed you over the next few days.” You explained your view. “I don't want them panicking about me, they're young, too young to need to know the severity of the situation.”

“Not telling them doesn't make the truth any less real, Honey–what if we tell them and–“ Jake never got a chance to finish his sentence, he never got a chance to say that if you didn’t want to tell your kids he’d support your decision regardless if he agreed or not before you interrupted to explain where you were coming from.

“They don't need to know Jake, I can't tell them, I can't tell my children that I might be dying alright I just can't.” You were a little more harsh than need be, but the emotional weight of the situation was taking a toll on you. “But I wasn’t about to bite my brain surgeon's head off for offering a valid opinion on a rough situation.”

“You know what?” Jake cooed as he reached out to touch your cheek, the pad of his thumb caressing your soft skin. The gentle touch brought you a solace you'd never truly understand as Jake's emerald eyes swirled with all the love and admiration in the world. “You’re right.” Jake didn't want to argue, not now, not when he could tell your emotions were running high and life seemed like it was against you. You needed him in your corner, for better or worse. “I’ll call Jas, I'll tell her what's going on, full God's honest truth and then we’ll tell the kids that you're just a little sick.”

“Just a little–” You replied with tears in your eyes, they were pooling at your lower lash line, ready to spill and open the flood gates. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you.” Jake listened as the pad of his thumb worked to catch the falling tears that cascaded down your cheek. “I should have–you needed to know.”

“I understand why you didn't.” Jake sighed as he sat by your bed side. “I wasn't–” he began to explain but shortly after changed what he was about to say. “I put myself in a position where I could lose you, and I shouldn't have, you and me and whatever our marriage is right now isn't the priority so just know I'm not saying this to fix that.” Jake cooed as he felt his eyes watering. “Right now all that matters is that we focus on you and your health and making sure you are the only priority.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“I got you one of those pant by numbers kits and some lego flowers I thought you might be able to do to fill the time.” Your mother wore a fake smile so painfully obvious that it made your heart want to burst inside your chest. This wasn't and hadn't been easy on her, carrying the burden of being the only one who knew about your diagnosis. Now, as Jake sat by your bedside, your mother wanted nothing more than to tell him how thankful she was that she now had someone else to carry the weight with.

But Mary wasn't about to do that, no. She wouldn't make the situation about her. But watching her little girl go through something she wouldn't wish upon her worst enemy was brutal.

“That's really nice of you mum, you didn't have to do that.” Jake frowned momentarily when he heard you say that go to line. ‘You didn't have to do that.’ It was a sentence he hadn’t heard in a long time. You always used to say it, Jake just wasn't sure when you had stopped saying it to him. There wasn’t an awful lot of things he was going out of his way to do that would earn him a bashful or somewhat self deprecating response like that.

“I know, but I saw them at Target and thought they might keep you occupied.” Your mothers smile faded just slightly as she placed your presents under the small christmas tree that sat on the top of the small cupboard that could be used to house clothing and personal items patients brought with them. You hadn't paid much mind to unpacking, all you had managed was your toiletries. But your mother had gone above and beyond to make the space you were taking up residency in a little more homie. “How’re you feeling anyway?”

“I'm alright, a little stiff but Doctor Ignatii said that's to be expected, he’ll be back soon to help with the first few steps.” You knew your mother wasn't really prying about a health update, but more about a romantic one. Her eyes quickly darted to where Jake still sat holding your hand in his. He was afraid that if he let go that you'd disappear. Or worse. “A little shocked to find out my children are still in Texas but I'm sure given the circumstances I'll manage.”

“Well at least they're supervised and with family, that's all that matters.” Your mother replied as she pushed a little of your hair behind your ear. “Have you given any more thought about cutting your hair?”

“You were thinking about cutting your hair?” Jake finally managed the courage to jump into the conversation, he still felt like an intruder of some sort. He was still trying to process everything, the very idea that you were battling an aggressive form of breast cancer along with the fact you'd suffered a very recent stroke was all too much for his brain to comprehend.

“I'm gonna lose it all anyway.” You shrugged as you pressed your lips together in a thin line. “May as well get ahead of the curve and shave it all off before it falls out.” Hair holds memories, in some cultures it's even considered sacred. In some religions women cover their hair after marriage for only their husbands to see, others keep theirs pure and untreated by dyes. Some women of colour from countries across the world prefer to wear their hair in protective styles that give their hair longevity and life.

But you? You were losing yours. The keratin in your follicles had stopped reproducing, your follicles were dying off and snapping. It was a hard pill to swallow if you were being completely honest, but if shaving your hair off before you were subjected to looking like your daughters weird barbie doll was something that could help you maintain whatever dignity you had left, you were going to do it, regardless if you were slightly worried about your head being an odd shape. It beats you know, dying after all.

“Doctor Ignatii already took a pretty big chunk anyway from the surgery.” Your mother added. “Besides, it's a little more empowering to shave it yourself than losing it over time.” Jake understood, so he didn't argue. It was your choice at the end of the day. “Now, I'm not staying for too long, I thought I'd head back to yours, tidy up, make sure the house is in order for when you're able to go home.” Before you had a chance to argue or say she didn't have to, Jake was advocating on your behalf.

“Thanks Maz, that's perfect.” He smiled softly as the pad of his thumb rubbed against your hand. All you did was nod along in agreement, it did sound nice. Unnecessary in your humble opinion, but nice.

It wasn't long after that your mother was saying her goodbyes to the both of you for the day, being along with Jake wasn't awkward, but it did feel a little uneasy with so much still left to discuss. All the potential what if’s and could be’s.

“Can you please pass me my laptop?” You were the first one to break the silence that had fallen between the two of you, only the steady threthem of monitors could be heard amongst the thick silence.

“You still working on that book?” Jake asked rather tentatively, it was a touchy subject. If you said yes then that meant you hadn't had time to finish it before your due date. Jake knew he played more of a role in that then he’d like to admit, but the idea you were still working on the same book meant the separation truly hadnt boded well in your favour to focus on your career. For Jake however, it had opened up another career advancement. The Daggers.

“Uh yeah actually I am.” You sat up a little straighter in your bed and fixed up the blanket covering your legs. “I shelved it there for a little while.” The explanation truly was just that, you hadn't really had all that much time to work on a new publication while trying to raise three children on your own. “I picked it up again around August, just haven't made much progress with it with everything that's been going on.”

“Do you feel like sharing some exclusive details with your number one fan?” Jake was almost unashamed in his attempt at breaking down your walls. “Who knows, I might be able to inspire some creativity.”

“Oh you're my number one fan now are you?” You chuckled softly as you watched Jake reached into the drawer your mother had put your laptop and charger in. “And there isn't much creative freedom when it comes to writing a bibliography for true crime, unless you count ghoulish overkill and an absurd use of dark humour to cover up the truly graphic details of the world's most notorious crimes.” Jake smiled back at you as he held your laptop in one hand, the rose gold Mac with stickers randomly pleased all over the lid.

“Don't be fooled by the good looks Honey, I can read a sentence or two without stuttering.”

“Could've fooled me.” You fired back without hesitation as Jake faked a shot to the heart. “You really want me to read some to you?” Jake hadn't asked about your work in months. You'd stopped wondering if he cared about your career path before you decided to walk away from your marriage to focus on yourself. At the end of it all you left believing Jake had stopped caring about the things that made you simply you.

“Yeah, of course, I mean–it would be nice to read some new material, after all–the copies I have back in North Island are pretty much falling apart from how much I tend to flick through them.” Jake had never been a big true crime fan, that was until you published your first book.

“Wait, you have my books? Which ones?” The revelation made your heart skip a beat inside your chest, so much so that Jake saw it on the monitor. It made his cheeks flush a crimson red at the very thought he could still make you this flustered.

“Uh–” Jake started as he came back down to sit beside you, opening up your laptop and placing it on the small but practical table that could go over your legs. “I have all five.” Jake would read the dedication every night before he went to bed and every morning before he went to work. They were all slightly different but the sentiment remained the same. His favourite one to read was:

“Dedicated to the man who loves me so, thank you for your service, I love you with all my heart.”

Jake knew deep down, after all the two of you had gone through, after all the hurt he’d unintentionally caused with his emotional disconnect, that the dedication in your newest book wouldn't be for him. It would be for your children.

“You've never told me this before?” Jake should have told you, he should have been more open, more honest about his feelings. He shouldn't have lost sight of what was truly important to him and it definitely shouldn't have taken losing you to realise how important you were. Jake had never known female rage until he dealt and fought with a woman who was feeling undervalued, unappreciated and unwanted.

“I should have, I know that now.” It was only a small gesture at the bottom of Everest itself but Jake knew now was the time he had to really put the effort in, to show you he truly cared, that he really did love you in sickness and in health. “I'd really like to sit here and maybe I can read what you've written so far out loud so you can just rest–and if there's anything you wanna change, I can do it for you.”

“Oh you don’t have to—“ Your sentence trailed off into nothing as you looked into your husband’s eyes, searching for an ounce of hesitation or burden in them. But all you saw were those emerald green eyes staring back at you with all the love and warmth in the world. Jake wanted to do this, truly. “Sure, yeah if uh—I’d really like that.”

It felt nice to be taken care of, to be valued and loved. But it wasn’t enough to undo the damage that Jake had unintentionally caused. He was going to have to put the work in, fight for you as much as you had to fight for your life.

“Okay.” Jake smiled as he cleared his throat and turned the laptop his way. “Alright Honey, let’s go from the top shall we?”

“Take it away Mr. Ghost Writer.” You cooed as you settled into your hospital bed and found a comfortable position, if anything you were feeling rather tired. Maybe you’d be able to get some more sleep soon—that wasn’t such a bad idea.

“In the early hours of January 1996, after an evening spent celebrating at Club Bayview in the Perth suburb of Claremonth, 18-year-old Sarah Spiers called a taxi to nearby Mosman Park. But when the cab arrived, she’d already gone. Sarah was never seen again.” Jake read out loud as you listened and laid there wondering if this was all some Lavender Haze to mask the reality that your marriage was over:

Or really how Jake wanted the two of you to be. Together again, in sickness and in health.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Just tilt your head a little.” Jake was being as gentle as he ever could be. “Let me know if I'm hurtin’ you.” The steam from the shower filled the bathroom as you sat on the little shower stool. The hot water cascaded down your naked self taking all the grimy sticky remanence from surgery away with it.

“Feels perfect.” You sighed in relief at the feeling of being clean once again, Jake stood behind you washing your body with a small lofa in soft circular motions. Under the water with you. It wasn't awkward to see each other so exposed, however, given the circumstances, you felt incredibly vulnerable. “Can you get my neck a little more?” Jake obliged to your request and moved the soap free suds around your next. It felt surreal, otherworldly even after the last few days. You let the silence fall around you as you reveled in the sensation of Jake's hands roaming your naked body in a not so sexual way. It felt nice to be touched in such a way that made you feel safe.

“Jake–?” Your voice sounded softer than it did just a few moments ago, your eyes lingered over to the sink where in the corner of your eye, you could see the clippers you’d bought with you to the hospital in preparation for this very moment. Originally you were going to do it yourself, then, you thought perhaps you could ask your mother–but now, sitting under the stream of steady warm water with Jake helping to cleanse your weakened body post surgery– you knew you had to ask him.

“Yeah Honey?” Jake cooed as he washed your body, being ever so careful to not knock and bump the cords and wires that were still attached to your arms. Doctor Ignatii had assured Jake they could get wet–but he was still sus.

“Will–will you shave my head?” The silence that followed as deafening as you felt Jake's hands nearly came to a complete stop. “I just–I dont think I'm strong enough to do it myself.” Again, Jake's silence was all consuming. “You don't have to if you don't want to, I uh–i understand if it’s too big of an ask–I can always ask mu–” Before you could go off on a tangent, Jake was interrupting as he came around to kneel before you.

“No, no Honey, of course I'll help you.” Jake made sure to clarify. “It's just–it's just no one ever prepares you for your wife to ask you to do something like this.” You saw the sadness in Jake's eyes, the understanding and compassion. “But of course, yes, I'll do whatever you need me to and if being your barber is something you need then consider me the best in the biz.”

Your heart couldn't contain itself inside your chest as you reached out to caress Jake's scruffed cheek. For whatever reason, you couldn't stop the worlds from escaping your lips.

“I love you–” The Pomegranate truly is the perfect symbol when comparing the differences between men and women. The enjoyment of a pomegranate is something that cannot and shouldn’t be rushed. Instead, it's something that requires patience and gentle hands. With deliberation and commitment comes the reward of its sweet flesh.

Jake knew it was the environment, the situation and the fear of being slowly taken by disease, but he couldn't help but to lean in, cup your face and kiss you like he’d missed you everyday since you left him back in January. The slow pull of desire ached in Jake's chest as your tongue danced with his: and as he pulled away to let his forehead rest against yours? He allowed himself just a single moment of reprieve:

“I love you so much Honey–oh so much.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

#was it over? // jake seresin #tw: cancer #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x female!reader #jake seresin angst #top gun series #top gun fanfic #top gun fanfiction

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wherethingscomebackx · 3 years

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Top 25 Larry Fics of 2020

h 2020 was HELLISH. So thank you to all the writers, and I mean ALL of them, who kept us occupied as the world continues to burn.

You may be familiar with these lists:

Top 25 Larry fics of 2016

Top 25 Larry fics of 2017

Top 25 Larry fics of 2018

Top 25 Larry fics of 2019

We’re going on our 5th year!! As always, I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is Larry. I like making lists and I like Larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2020 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out!

25.) a trail of honey through it all by @yvesaintlourent (27k)

The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him.

Or, the TPH fic we’ve all been waiting for.

24.) even the best laid plans by @falsegoodnight (25k)

“Anyways,” Louis stresses, narrowing his eyes, “just let me say it and then rate how terrible of an idea it is on a scale from one to ten.”

“Alright,” Zayn agrees, sitting up expectantly.

“I want to ask Harry Styles to take my virginity,” Louis blurts, holding his hands out for emphasis.

The way Zayn’s eyes bulge is almost comical. “Negative infinity,” he says, voice choked. “Negative infinity times negative infinity.”

“Technically, a negative times a negative is -”

“Really negative infinity,” Zayn corrects himself, shaking his head wildly. “Louis, what the fuck?”

Or, Louis wants to have sex with someone and decides Harry is the perfect alpha for the job.

23.) A Distant Hazy Light by @greenfeelings (76k)

Life’s pretty ordinary for Harry. He lives with his best friend, got into university just like he’s planned, and manages to support himself just fine for an unbonded omega. If he sustains that lifestyle by getting paid to help alphas through their rut every now and then, that’s nothing to be hung up on. Until he’s hired by an alpha that turns everything upside down.

Or, Harry’s working on taking Louis’ walls down, until he builds his own up.

22.) Ghost Note Symphony by whoknows (96k)

Louis is on tour when he first hears about it. It’s all over the news – Harry Styles Attacked By Fan runs in headlines for days. It’s not even just the gossip rags, either. Actual journalists are covering the story. It would have been impossible to avoid hearing about it. Technically, Oli is the one who tells Louis about it, but it’s not exactly being covered up. Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ text asking if he’s alright, but that’s not really surprising. They haven’t spoken for months, and it’s been a lot longer than that since they’ve had a real conversation. The sting of the text going unanswered is still there, less painful than it might have been a few years ago.

It’s not that it’s easy to forget about, exactly. Louis has a whole life outside of One Direction now, though. So Louis goes on with his life, figuring that if Harry was seriously hurt he would have heard about it by now. He might currently be in the same country as Harry, but being on opposite sides of it puts enough distance between them that putting it in the back of his mind is easy. There’s nothing Louis could do, even if he thought Harry might want him to.

That’s why everything that happens next comes as a complete shock to him.

21.) Until by @allwaswell16 (38k)

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

20.) Strangers in Love by sweetums (42k)

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

Prompt 51: An amnesia fic where louis and harry were enemies to lovers but after an accident, louis only remembers those memories that him and harry hated each other. now harry has to fix it. I think something like this less dark and less angsty compared to other amnesia fics and it could be funny

19.) A Long Way From The Playground by Pink_Sunsets (170k)

One Direction is broken up. They broke up five years ago. That should be the end of the story, right?

Harry is finished with One Direction. He now has a new life, one with two kids and a successful solo career. And he’s happy.

But a call one night from management flips Harry’s whole new life upside down, and he’s forced to face the life he had left behind.

As well as a certain blue eyed man who had left him behind.

18.) my love’s not simple (it’s fragile) by @falsegoodnight (27k)

“Can I take you out tomorrow?” he asks. “My shift ends at 7 but we can go for dinner at 8.”

Louis is silent for a few seconds and then, “Like… on a date?”

Harry swallows thickly. He hasn’t done this in years, hasn’t ever wanted to. “Yeah.”

He’s worried he’s misread things but then Louis raises his head to kiss Harry’s cheek. “Yeah,” he says easily. “Sure.”

Tension leaves his body swiftly. “Are you sure?” asks Harry. “I know we’re both so busy but I can’t not try with you, Lou.”

“Neither can I,” says Louis. “I think we can figure it out. I care about you a lot Harry. We’ve known each other for a week, but I already like you so much.”

Or Harry's new job is threatened by his impending rut. Desperate for a solution, he allows Niall to introduce him to Louis, an omega whose heat begins the same day. They click.

17.) Cocaine for Breakfast by @harryeatsburger (309k)

“It’s an easy job.” He continues, as if Louis wants to listen. “Like I said, a few trips. Parties, students, nothing dramatic.”

Louis gazes over to Harry. He’s looking thoughtful now, eyes on the green like he’s talking more to himself than Louis.

“Clubbing, drinks. Whatever, the business is just a side thing.”

That’s not how Louis remembers it to be, “You lying?” He honestly can’t tell.

Harry shakes his head slowly, meeting Louis' eyes.

“No,” He answers almost toneless. Harry clears his throat, “I won’t put you in any dangerous situation.” His voice is sincere, Louis can tell he means it, his jade green eyes glinting with truth.

or, - Louis Tomlinson is a drug addict, sent away from his beloved party-scene to recover. There, he discovers that small towns have just as much access to drugs as London did, plus something even better that he just can't get enough of. That something is a boy with green eyes and bouncy curls named Harry Styles. -

16.) Tastes like Strawberries by @sadaveniren (4k)

I’m stressed. I’m nesting and demand cuddles. Come over

Harry frowned and double checked who the text was from. Yup, it still said Louis - Grad, which meant it was from Louis from his grad school.

aka Louis texts Harry by mistake. It works out

15.) the way the storm blows by @rbbsbb (21k)

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

14.) bruise you like a peach by @falsegoodnight (40k)

There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.

The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it’s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.

His name is Louis Tomlinson.

13.) Watching The World Fall by whoknows (11k)

This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.

“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”

It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.

“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool.

“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”

12.) Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds by @2tiedships2 (38k)

Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

Or the one where Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry.

11.) The Wrath of the Emerald Eyes by @purpledandeli0n (85k)

His chin is grabbed harshly, facing the two deep green eyes that have been getting on his nerves for the past ten minutes. The smirk on the man's face does not vanish. The grip of his hand on Louis' chin does not soften, his thumb at the side of his lower lip.

His smile widens as he answers Louis' question, ''My name is Styles, but you will call me Captain."

•

Pirate AU

10.) Canyon Moon by @eeveelou (40k)

For as long as Louis has remembered, he has been promised to be mated to Harry, his best friend and the future pack alpha. But Louis’s heart belonged to the forest and to the hunt more than he could ever imagine it belonging to Harry.

Then Harry’s father dies in a violent accident, and Louis’s future alpha disappears on the wind.

An A/B/O Lion King AU

9.) We Both Got Nothing to Hide by lovelarry10 (43k)

“Talk to me, Lou.”

“I can’t,” Louis mumbled, knowing he genuinely couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to what he was doing. “Don’t ask me to say it, because I can’t.”

“Then… I’ll try and guess. You’ve… got some stuff of Harry’s. Something of his to make it smell like him?”

Louis just nodded, eyes fixated on the floor. This was humiliating, but he knew Zayn wouldn’t stop until he found out what was going on.

“Okay. Like… a blanket, or a comforter or something?”

“Kind of…”

Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

8.) sleeping on our problems by @falsegoodnight (67k)

I’m in love with you, Louis thinks. He feels empty, weighed down by his sadness and the loss of Harry inside him just moments ago before his knot finally went down.

There’s moments where he’s sure Harry feels the same. Like now, when he’s gazing down at Louis with so much adoration and tenderness. It’s like they’re both on the cusp of something more, but neither of them ever say a word.

His confession is on the tip of his tongue ready to slide out like honey, and yet he remains silent. They both do, looking at each other and recognizing the reluctance mirrored in each other’s eyes. It’s then that Louis realizes they’re both scared.

Or Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

7.) like it’s a game by @soldouthaz (32k)

there is little harry hates more than truth or dare.

and louis.

6.) before we knew by @falsegoodnight (39k)

“C’mon Lou,” says Zayn after a moment, He sounds even more exasperated than before. Louis sort of has a knack for exasperating people, especially people like Zayn who aren’t usually bothered by his brattiness. “Can’t you give this guy a chance? Harry Styles? Aren’t you curious about him at all?”

Despite his best efforts, Louis still flinches at the name. He really shouldn’t be so affected after all these years. He’s seen the name printed down the curve of his waist in obnoxiously and uncommonly large loopy letters every single day since his sixteenth birthday eight years ago. He’s very familiar with the name Harry Styles.

It sounds pretentious and Louis hates it.

He hates everything about his supposed soulmate.

He hates his large handwriting that stands out like a claim on his skin whenever he’s walking around shirtless. He hates his pretentious name. And now he hates his supposed curls and green eyes and dimples.

Or Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

5.) Mine Would Be You by @crinkle-eyed-boo (114k)

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

4.) You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) by @harryrainbows (95k)

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

Or: Harry and Louis are forced to fake-date after an old video from when they were dating emerges.

3.) The Space Between by @lads-laddylads (39k)

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

2.) Nothing But You On My Mind by @absoloutenonsense (83k)

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

1.) Collision by @tequiladimples (224k)

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

(Featuring Liam, the big and not-so-bad wolf who’s got a thing for humans, Zayn, a human with supernaturally good looks, and Niall, the cupid who just wants his job to be easier.)

#larry #larry stylinson #larry fic rec #harry styles #louis tomlinson #fic rec #one direction #1d #one direction fic rec #larry fan fiction #updated because I'm an idiot and added a zarry fic

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I’ve been seeing an uptick in “anti-RWDE” posts lately — which is a phenomenon I’d like to comment on at a later date — but for now one of them (quite unintentionally) made me realize something about the finale that I haven’t seen others discuss yet.

So RWBYJNOR saves everyone, right? Let’s just put aside the animation for a moment — which didn’t show any army members making it out — as well as the forgotten side characters — Maria, Pietro, Qrow’s group isn’t forgotten, but still left behind — and take things on good faith here. We’ll read the finale through the thematic intention: RWBYJNOR saved “everyone” in the Kingdom of Atlas in Volume 8, deliberately contrasting them with Ironwood who was willing to sacrifice a chunk of the Kingdom in Volume 7. Forget all the messiness and just accept that regardless of the consequences — like a destroyed Kingdom and a “dead” team — the heroes are heroic because they didn’t give into a “lesser evil” thinking and managed to save everyone.

Now, how was that possible?

Let’s go back to the beginning of the seventh episode of Volume 8, “War.” Salem’s grimm have just burrowed through Atlas’ defenses and taken them out. The shields are gone. She flies Monstra into the fields and releases an army of darkness that immediately heads for the city. What’s the very first thing Ironwood does?

Soldier: Yes, sir?

Ironwood: I am evacuating all citizens to the subway. Prepare Manta Squad Omega, and dispatch to every part of Atlas.

Soldier: But sir-

Ironwood: Now!

He evacuates the people, with “the people” meaning all the Atlesians and however many Mantle folk got to the city prior to Salem’s arrival. When this episode aired I mentioned being confused as to why the soldier was so hesitant. Why wouldn’t you want the people to get to safety when a grimm army is heading their way? Fans against Ironwood took the soldier’s side, claiming that Mountain Glenn proved that any underground evacuation is a death sentence and thus he obviously doesn’t really care about the peoples’ safety. Fans in support of/neutral towards Ironwood pointed out that this is a pretty big leap, no one is coming up with a better idea for what he should do instead, and that within these circumstances it reads like the soldiers is illogically against this idea simply because everyone is against Ironwood now. The show wants characters criticizing his decisions and making him out to look like a crazed dictator... even during moments when it doesn’t make any sense to be upset with him. Shooting the councilman yes, trying to keep the people safe no. Basically, this small exchange was a mess, but the rest of the volume proved that this was a sound call. The subway never collapsed and no grimm ever made it to that enclosed space to pick the civilians off like fish in an underground barrel.

So, why didn’t that happen? Well, one answer is because Oscar and Ozpin destroyed the whale. But how did they have time to do that? Without the people dying while they were being tortured, talking to Hazel, escaping with Emerald, fighting Salem, etc.? A lot happened between Salem starting her attack and Oscar ending it, so why wasn’t 2/3rds of the Kingdom’s population decimated during that time?

Because Ironwood sent his army out to keep the grimm occupied.

Outside of Ironwood’s cartoon villain actions — random murders and bomb threats — which get the most attention due to how deliberately, over-the-top horrific they are, these are the two actions that get the most negative attention from both the story and the fanbase. The soldier seems horrified by the order to evacuate. Marrow is devastated that young adults are fighting in this battle. The fandom is disgusted by both aspects of Ironwood’s character: giving orders that, as general, he expects to be obeyed and having an army that follows those orders. Putting side that cartoon villainy, this is what supposedly makes Ironwood the antagonist here. These are the qualities that have existed since Volume 2, resulting in a “he was always a bad guy” interpretation. These are the qualities that have resulted in anyone who likes his character being labeled as a “bootlicker.” We know these qualities make the fandom hate him because otherwise, more people would be confused as to why a presumably heroic character randomly shot Oscar. Orders, armies, and general military associations are at the heart of Ironwood’s presumed villainy.

So let’s remove them.

Ironwood has no evil army. Ironwood gives no evil orders. Power and control lies solely in the hands of our non-military heroes. Everything is better!

...well, no. Because we saw in Volume 8 precisely the choices our heroes made when the attack started: half of them focused on saving a single individual (Oscar) and the other half kept to the sidelines. At no point did our RWB group act after sending the message and prior to securing the Staff. AKA, during the attack of Salem’s army. We got a very explicit moment in which Ruby looked out the window at the battle going on and turned away from it, continuing to discuss ethics instead of joining the fight. The people of Atlas (which, again, includes many Mantle citizens) had no one but Ironwood and his army because a third of the group was trying to rescue Oscar (they never even had a plan to blow up Monstra — that was also Ironwood), a third of the group was up in Amity, and a third was sitting in the mansion. They did nothing to help the people of Atlas being attacked by grimm.

Thus, if you remove Ironwood’s actions, everything goes to hell. There is no longer an order to evacuate to the subway. Maybe some people go there anyway. Most probably don’t. They run in a panic wherever they can. Hide wherever they can. Go back home for some semblance of safety.

There’s no longer an army. Either it doesn’t exist because we’ve determined it’s simplistically bad despite RWBY’s grimm-specific context, or Ironwood likewise never gives the order to protect Atlas’ border. Salem’s army moves unimpeded through the city, killing countless people as it goes. How do we know? Because they’re civilians who can’t defend themselves and there’s literally no one else to help. Remember: Ironwood is not giving orders, there is no army, RWB is in the mansion, YJOR is in the whale, Penny is out of commission, the Happy Huntresses are in Mantle. Those in Atlas are entirely alone. In time, Oscar destroys the whale, but by then it’s too late. There’s no concrete way to theorize how many have died, but it’s inevitably a lot. Everyone else is scatted across the city, trying to survive.

So this scene

no longer exists.

When the group gets the Staff and creates portals for “everyone” to escape through, Mantle is ready to go. They’ve gotten everyone into the crater and can funnel them straight to Vacuo. Atlas, however, is in chaos. When Jaune enters the subway there’s only a few people there, many of which may be wounded or dying. He’s right back where he started, in Mantle at the beginning of Volume 8: needing to go door-to-door to find where people have hidden themselves, trying to convince them all to follow him (remember Oscar commenting to Ozpin about how difficult that was?). Except now, he and Nora are the only ones trying to get people to safey, the city is filled with far more grimm, a significant amount of time has passed for people to be killed or injured (making evacuating them even harder, both due to injuries and an unwillingness to leave hurt/dead/missing loved ones behind), he’s trying to convince these panicking people to go through magic portals, not just walk to a crater, and he’s aware that there’s a very short time limit for this task.

Jaune returns in a panic of his own, explaining how difficult it will be to get that 2/3rds of the Kingdom to Vacuo. How many are already dead. Barricaded. Missing. Closeup on Ruby looking horrified, but then she rallies. They can do it. Atlas is falling, but residual dust gives them just enough time to find, calm, and evacuate those people. They’re heroes after all. Beating the odds is what they do.

Then Cinder attacks.

Suddenly, the group can’t evacuate people because they’re trying to keep themselves safe from her. Maybe Cinder gets the powers because Jaune was off looking for civilians, leaving Penny without a mercy kill. Maybe Nora dies because she’s still trying to help people on the city that plows into the one below. Regardless of how details might change, they’re not getting a spread out, decimated population through those portals before Cinder changes the wish and makes them disappear.

In this version, the story starts with Ironwood wanting to sacrifice 1/3rd of the population to save 2/3rds and the future of the war. It ends with 2/3rds of the population dying instead.

This is what I mean when I say the majority of the fandom wants to view a very complex situation through a ridiculously simple lens. The fandom wants to denounce every bit of RWBY’s fictionalized military, the context issues of that aside. The story wants to paint RWBYJNOR as the only heroes, in part because they succeeded in saving everyone (“everyone”) in the Kingdom when Ironwood gave up.

But they only managed to save everyone because of Ironwood. Because he kept fighting for his people to the bitter end. This is why, though his horrific actions obviously exist in the story, they make no sense (he’ll threaten to kill his people so he can... save his people?) and mess up what little is working in the finale. The story wants us to celebrate the group for evacuating Mantle and Atlas, but the Atlas evacuation would not have happened if not for Ironwood’s actions — the actions that are ignored in favor of having Winter blame him for everything and then killing him off. The rescue of “everyone” was very much a joint effort. RWBYJNOR’s win is not actually a contrast to Ironwood’s intended sacrifice, for the simple reason that their win depended entirely on Ironwood’s actions.

If we’re going to celebrate the group getting everyone to safety, we should probably also celebrate the guy who got them all to an easy evacuation point and ensured they weren’t eaten before then. Does that mean Ironwood never did anything wrong? Of course not. As established, the story went out of its way to make him into a villain. Rather, it means that other parts of the story failed to maintain that black and white view, complicating the heroism of RWBYJNOR in the process. If we want Ironwood to be incapable of heroic action, always the bad guy, nothing good to say about him whatsoever... then we likewise need to accept that the group is rather unheroic in many regards too. That, on their own, they would have failed to save everyone, just as Ironwood’s plan failed to save everyone at the end of Volume 7. Because they chose their friend over a kingdom. Because they sat around in a mansion. Because by the time they took action again and tried to escape, without Ironwood’s help they would have lost a larger majority than they originally insisted be saved.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas

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hood-ex · 3 years

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This is a fic written for @stxleslyds! The prompt was: a fic with Dick, Roy and Lian spending time together in the Outsiders era. Thanks for the donation, Tati 💙.

Important: This fic takes place a week after the events of Outsiders (2003) #19.

“We could use you here,” Roy says. Even with his voice coming directly through the comm, Dick almost doesn’t hear him say, “I need you here.”

A soft wind blows through Blüdhaven, ruffling through Dick’s sweat-matted hair. What a filthy night it is for a Friday. Thunder rumbling in the distance with hot, humid air filling Dick’s lungs. It’s the kind of air that isn’t natural for a place like the ‘Haven. It’s here for whatever reason, and it’s no better now that the sun has been replaced by pink and purple neon lights flashing across the strip. It’s nights like these that Dick can admit to missing his red tunic and green shorts. It was shit to wear them in the winter but an absolute godsend in the summer.

Dick sighs deeply, moving away from the ledge of the building and away from his view of the herds of drunk people whose laughter echoes between the bars and casinos. There’s a tall HVAC unit in the middle of the building that he walks over to and sits against. The fabric of his suit rubs against it, and he squirms a little at the uncomfortable position. He bears it because this is a conversation that requires a little support.

“Dick.”

“I know,” Dick mutters.

He should be under the streets of Brooklyn the same as all the other Outsiders should be. Considering the circumstances, it’s no surprise that some of them have deserted the ship for the time being. Licking their wounds in private so to speak. Dick’s not proud of it. He tacks it onto his mental bulletin board of shame where it sits up there all torn and ugly like the rest of his deplorable moments.

“I’d feel better if you were here to watch Lian when I step out of the room,” Roy says in Japanese. Dick’s brow furrows. Either Lian is in the same room as Roy and he doesn’t want her to know they’re talking about her or there’s an Outsider nearby that he doesn’t want listening in on his personal issues. “She hasn’t started therapy yet and her separation anxiety is still high.”

“High for both of you,” Dick points out. He thinks back to a few days ago when Roy had called him in a panic because he’d left all of his groceries in the middle of the store after his paranoia got the best of him and had him running back to the base to check on Lian.

“Tell me about it,” Roy laughs dryly. “I feel like I’m going fuckin’ nuts, dude.” The strain in his voice sends a full body shiver down Dick’s spine. “All I can think about is whether she’s okay and if the base is protected enough, and if I can really trust everyone here. You and Kory are the only ones I feel okay leaving her with.”

You shouldn’t trust me like that, Dick thinks bitterly. Lilith and Donna trusted me with their lives and look where they are now.

“Everyone else is… I trust them as teammates. I trust them with my life. But I can’t—"

“Trust them with Lian’s,” Dick says, knowing how much this whole situation has fucked with Roy's ability to trust anyone and everyone. Except him and Kory, apparently. Probably Ollie and the rest of Roy's family too.

He thunks his head against the HVAC unit and stares up at the dark sky. Not a single star up there, he thinks, and something like guilt burns in his chest. You took them all with you, didn’t you, Donna? Put them in your pockets and faded away. “She might not be comfortable with me there,” he says after a moment.

It pains him to think that Lian could be scared of him. Scared of him because he looks similar to one of the blue-eyed, dark-haired kidnappers who murdered her babysitter and then branded her like cattle. That type of trauma association doesn’t go away after a week.

“Kory told Lian you might stop by, and you know what Lian asked her?”

Terrible things flash through Dick’s head. Things like words born of fear or disgust. He hugs his arms around his knees and squeezes them tight.

“No, what did she say?”

“She asked, ‘Is Uncle Nightwing gonna bring Blue’s Clues with him?’”

A smile tugs at the corner of Dick’s lips and his eyes start to sting. He can’t believe that’s the first thing she thought of. It only seems like yesterday that he was watching Blue’s Clues with her in Titans Tower. Sometimes he would pause the show and ask Lian questions about each of the clues just to hear what kind of outlandish answers her kid brain could come up with. Other times the detective in him couldn’t help but steer her towards a logical answer. Roy used to always roll his eyes and tell him to stop trying to turn her into a mini Nightwing.

“That doesn’t mean she’ll be okay seeing me in person and you know it,” Dick reminds him.

Roy’s sigh is soft and muffled in his ear. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Dick’s not one to wait around.

“Let’s cross it now.”

“You’re coming over?” Roy asks, and even though he mostly sounds neutral, Dick can hear the disbelief hidden under it all.

If there was an award for the world's most shitty friend, Dick would probably be in the lead to receive it. Here Roy is dealing with the fact that his daughter was abducted and almost trafficked, and what’s Dick been doing for the last few days instead of sticking by his side? Working himself to the bone in Blüdhaven, that’s what. Hiding away from the fact that he almost lost another important person to him. Trying to avoid the crushing weight of failure that clings to him like a second skin.

Pathetic. Some safety net he is.

“Yeah, give me an hour,” Dick says.

The commute from Blüdhaven to Brooklyn isn’t bad at this time of night. Most of the traffic is packed downtown where all the bars are lined up. Dick takes the highway to avoid the worst of it.

The roar of the city dies off once he goes underground. Down here the HQ looms over him in all its steel glory. Dick’s always thought of it like one giant elevator. It’s all hard angles and sleek, silver walls. Hardly a place one would describe as homey, but it was home to a few people nevertheless.

Dick goes inside after getting his eye and hand scanned by the computer. He heads down the hallway, keeping his footsteps light and quiet out of habit. So far there’s no sign of Jade, Indigo, or Rex in any of the rooms he passes. They’re the most likely to be here around this time. From what Kory told him the other day, Grace has been spending most of her time clubbing, and Anissa has been staying with her dad. He hates to admit it but it’s almost a relief that he doesn’t have to worry about running into either of them.

He ends up finding Roy and Lian in the rec room. Lian is sitting on the leather couch in the middle of the room. She must have had a shower not too long ago because her hair is a little damp and she’s wearing a pair of purple pajamas with unicorns on them. A Cinderella blanket is strewn across her lap and a stuffed rabbit sits discarded on the floor by her feet.

Roy looks small squatting in front of her. His pants are the only sign of his Arsenal gear, and it makes Dick feel slightly out of place since he’s still decked out in full mask and suit. It’s the first time Dick’s seen Roy in person since they brought down Tanner’s operations a week ago. He looks how Dick would expect any parent to look after being targeted by a major sex trafficker: stressed and exhausted.

Those tired eyes of his shift to the doorway where Dick stands, and Dick can see the way Roy looks him over from head to toe, assessing Dick’s condition. He can look as hard as he wants, but he won’t find anything. Dick keeps his face blank and unreadable.

“It still hurts,” Lian whimpers, and both Dick and Roy's attention immediately snaps back to her.

She wraps her arms around her stomach and bends over her lap like she’s going to throw up all over the floor. Roy doesn’t move to try and avoid any possible bouts of vomit. Nothing happens as the seconds tick by. No retching or anything. There’s only the sound of Roy’s hand rubbing up and down Lian’s arm.

“Me and your Uncle Nightwing are gonna get you feeling better soon,” Roy assures her in a gentle voice. “And guess what?”

Lian makes a questioning sound in the back of her throat.

The look Roy shoots Dick is somewhere between caution and amusement. “He’s been playing quiet mouse behind you this whole time.”

Dick braces himself as Lian shoots back up like a rocket. “He’s behind me?” she asks, twisting around in her seat. Dick’s heart starts jackrabbiting because what if she’s scared of him? What if he accidentally triggers her PTSD? What if— “Uncle Nightwing!” Lian shrieks.

Relief shudders through him because she sounds happy to see him. Not scared or angry or disgusted like he feared. She’s looking at him like he just told her he brought her a bag of candy, and that revelation is enough to make him take a breath and finally enter the room.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dick says, hurrying over to the couch so that she doesn’t have to get up. “I missed you.”

Lian reaches for his hand and holds on to it. It’s not like the hug Dick usually gets from her and maybe that’s because she doesn’t want anyone touching her back after the incident. Dick will take anything he can get. His much larger hand closes over her own and he swings them back and forth lightly.

“Me too,” Lian says. She squeezes his hand three times. “Why do you still have your gloves on?”

“My hands are cold,” Dick lies. “Why were you bent over like an accordion just a minute ago?”

“Her tummy’s been hurting,” Roy says with a frown.

“It’s because tigers used to try and eat people,” Lian tells him matter-of-factly. Roy looks like he’s about to correct her but she quickly hurries on. “My brain says there’s danger and it makes my tummy stop working.”

A lightbulb goes off in Dick’s head as he realizes that she’s describing anxiety. A simplified explanation of how the digestive system shuts down and sends blood to other parts of the body when there’s danger.

“My tummy does that too,” Dick says after a pause. “I get a lot of anxiety sometimes. Do you want me to show you how I try to make it go away?”

Lian scrunches her nose. “Do we have to take medicine?”

“Nope. All we need to do is sit up straight and breathe. Breathing really deep helps our brains calm down and makes our tummies feel more relaxed,” Dick explains. He sinks down on the plush couch and demonstrates how she should be sitting. “Now move back until you’re sitting like me.”

Lian does as she’s told and scoots back until she’s resting against the back of the couch. Dick only remembers how short she is when he notices how her feet stick out straight in front of her instead of dangling over the edge of the couch.

“Now tell your daddy to get in position.”

“Daddy,” Lian slaps the free cushion beside her, “sit next to me.”

“Magic word?” Roy prompts.

“Please,” Lian pouts.

“That’s better.” Roy’s knees pop when he shifts out of his crouched position. The whole couch rocks when he falls back against it. “What’s the strat here, Wing? We need to close our eyes or what?”

Dick wants to ask him why he’s acting like he’s never done this before but the playful words stick in his mouth like glue.

“We’ll close our eyes in a second. Lian, I want you to watch how your daddy and I take really deep breaths, okay? Then we’re all going to do it together.”

“I can take really big breaths!” Lian insists. She scrambles out of her pose and gets on her knees. Her little fingers wrap around Dick’s bicep as she leans in close to him. “I can take one million breaths as big as an elephant!”

The tired and apathetic part of him tells him to ignore her kid logic and to get back on track. The uncle part of him is another story. It wants him to be fun and helpful. To distract Lian from the worries and fears she has.

In the end, he does what he always does best: puts on a performance.

“Oh yeah?” Dick challenges with a grin that hopefully doesn’t look as strained as it feels. “I can take five billion breaths as big as a planet.”

“Elephants are bigger than planets,” she says.

“I think maybe the elephants are only bigger in your dreams.”

“Yeah, they are,” Lian agrees because she’s a typical kid who will support anything that proves she’s right in some capacity.

Roy looks amused when he puts his hands on Lian’s shoulders and steers her to sit back on her bottom. “Alright little missy, no more talking. We’re gonna do what Uncle Nightwing says now, okay?”

“Okay,” Lian agrees, looking over at Dick expectantly.

Coaching Lian through the exercise is easy. The most important part is making sure she’s taking breaths that are deep enough to make her stomach expand like a balloon. Dick has her place her hands on top of her stomach so he can see them rise when she inhales.

Roy follows along and Dick can tell that he’s taking advantage of the exercises for his own benefit. His face looks peaceful and relaxed as he follows along with Dick’s instructions to suck in a breath on the count of one and exhale up until the count of ten.

“Keep focusing on counting,” Dick tells them while they exhale. “We don’t want any other thoughts in our heads. No bad thoughts or funny thoughts. Only think about counting to ten.”

They run through a few more cycles. Dick’s pleased when he hears both Lian and Roy’s stomachs grumbling as they exhale. It’s a good sign that the deep breaths are massaging their organs and decreasing any kind of stomach pain.

“That’s it,” Dick says. “We’re all done.” He opens his eyes and sees Lian slumped against the back of the couch. Her hands are still resting on her stomach, but she looks languid instead of tense like she was when he first saw her.

“I’m tired now,” Roy says. His movements are slow as molasses when he slides forward to the edge of the couch and bends over to rest his arms on his thighs. He looks at Lian. “How about you, princess? You feeling any better?”

“Mhmm. My tummy doesn’t feel really uh…”

“Tight?” Dick offers.

“Yeah, it’s not so tight anymore.”

Roy pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Good. Mine feels a little better too.”

“Can we do Uncle Nightwing’s breathing thing again tomorrow?” she asks through a yawn.

“Sure thing,” Roy nods. His attention shifts to Dick. “Are you gonna still be here to lead us through it?”

This isn’t some kind of test but it feels like one. It feels like if he says no then he’s only proving that he’s a bad friend. That he can’t be relied on. He doesn’t want to give Roy that impression because it’s not true. Roy can rely on him the same way Dick relies on Roy. He hopes showing up here tonight is proof of that.

“That’s the plan,” he says, voice soft.

Roy leans over the couch and squeezes Dick’s knee gently. “You sure?” he asks, and his eyes roam over Dick’s face like he’s trying to find evidence that Dick is lying.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He pats Roy’s hand reassuringly in the same way Alfred's done for him and Bruce a hundred times. It's only now that he realizes it's a habit he's picked up.

Lian suddenly leans into Dick’s side and presses her weight against his arm. She pats both his and Roy’s hands.

“I’m sure too,” she says, and this time Dick can’t help but smile.

#Dick Grayson #Roy Harper #Lian Harper #tw: mentions of sex trafficking #tw: mentions of past kidnapping and child abuse #my fic #fic commission

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biaswreckingfics · 3 years

Text

To Be Replaced: Part 2

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3.4k

Previous Chapter

For the next few days, every time you see Baekhyun, his face is buried in his phone. He spent the majority of his free time working on his line, setting up meetings with investors, and doing everything he could to make sure his and Maya’s designs were perfect. You were proud of him but also worried about his health. His lack of sleep and self-care concerned you, so you were relieved when you finally got him to agree to having a relaxing day together.

You thought the two of you would spend the day being lazy around the house, binge some shows, and either cook or order takeout. You figured it would be a good way for the two of you to relax together... Of course, you didn’t expect Baekhyun to completely ignore his phone during the day either. He had calls and emails to answer, and you expected that… What you didn’t expect was for him to have his face buried in his phone the entire day.

Finally, you sigh and pause the show he had wanted to watch and ask who he’s texting. You give him a little bit to respond, and when he doesn’t, you turn your body towards him and watch him type away on his phone. You ask a second time, and it’s like he doesn’t even hear you. You weren’t even sure he knew you were in the same room as him at this point.

You turn your head and glance around the room, trying to decide if it was worth it to keep asking or if you should just let it go. Debating, you knew it would bug you for days if you let him get away with ignoring you during the time you were supposed to be spending together, so you know you have to say something.

You turn back to him and poke his cheek, finally getting his attention. “I’ve been talking to you… Who are you texting so furiously?”

“Oh, it’s Maya. There was a problem with one of our fabrics, but she figured it out.”

Ah… That would make sense why he was so invested in his phone. Letting it go, you let him finish what he needs to do and go inspect the food you had in the kitchen. You didn’t really want to cook, and it looks like you didn’t have enough ingredients to make something delicious anyways, so you leave the kitchen and head back to the living room.

“Hey, do you want to get takeout instead? We don’t really have anything to eat.”

Baekhyun pauses mid text and looks over at you with a slightly guilty look on his face. “Didn’t I tell you Maya and I were going to go get dinner?”

You blink a few times, almost sure you were in a sudden state of shock. “No?”

He hums in thought for a moment. “I swore I did… Well, I want to thank her for fixing the fabric mix-up.”

“Wait a minute… You made the plans today? Even though we already had plans together?” you feel annoyance quickly filling you at the thought of him ending your day together halfway through it. Also, he couldn’t remember if he told you something that he literally just decided to do not even five minutes ago?

“I figured you’d be okay with it… We can have dinner tomorrow.” Baekhyun says as he shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

You try not to let it show, but you are hurt by his actions and the lack of care towards your plans… However, you knew this was important to him, so you would let it go, just like everything else.

“…Oh…okay.”

He walks up to you with a smile and gives you a quick peck on the lips. “I’m gonna go get ready for dinner. You should order yourself some food, though. It’s not good to skip meals.”

You silently watch as he walks toward your bedroom with a noticeable spring in his step. Suddenly, you didn’t feel hungry at all, but you pick up your phone and text Sehun to come over for dinner, anyway. Baekhyun was right. You shouldn’t skip meals.

You hang out on the couch and listen to Baekhyun hum as he gets ready. You try to ignore the hurt you were feeling about the sudden change in plans and how happy he seemed at the thought of getting dinner with Maya. Whether to celebrate a fabric mishap or not.

After what feels like forever, you hear the sound of your apartment door opening, and you glance up to see Sehun entering with bags of food. You quickly jump up to help him carry everything, completely used to him walking into your apartment unannounced.

“Thanks for coming over…” you say as you set the bags on your kitchen counter.

“Yeah, it’s no…”

When Sehun trails off, you look up at your friend’s face and see him staring over your shoulder in confusion before he glances back down at you with a questioning gaze. You turn to look at what had caught his attention and see Baekhyun grabbing his keys and wallet from the table before looking around the room to see if he had everything.

It wasn’t his actions that Sehun thought were weird. It was his appearance. Baekhyun was… decked out to put it slightly. He had on an all-black suit with matching dress shoes, and his hair was tousled artfully like you’ve seen on him a million times… He looked like he was going to an award show, not a dinner with a… business partner? …Now, you understood why it had taken him so long to get ready.

“Did you have a schedule today?” Sehun asks in a weird tone.

Baekhyun pauses his actions, finally taking in the fact that Sehun was here and the two of you were standing there watching him.

“No. I just have some business for Prive to attend to.” Baekhyun decides he has everything he needs before coming over to you and giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. “I don’t know when I’ll be home, so don’t stay up and wait for me.”

With those words, Baekhyun quickly takes off towards the front door and leaves without so much as a goodbye to the two of you. You look over at Sehun to see him glancing around the apartment in confusion.

“Am I in the twilight zone? Why does it look like he’s going to MAMA, and what does he mean don’t stay up late? It’s 6 pm. How much work does he have to do?”

You turn away from the apartment door and lean your elbows on the counter with a sigh. “He’s going to dinner with Maya. She apparently fixed a mistake with fabric… I don’t really know to be honest…”

“Okay… but why is he dressed up like that, and why are they going to dinner over fabric? Also, how long does dinner take?”

You take in Sehun’s questioning state. You were curious about all those things too, very curious in fact, but why was Sehun so worked up about it?

“What’s wrong with you?”

Sehun looks at you in surprise. “You’re not curious about all of that?”

“Well, yeah, I am… but you seem even more worried about it than I do.”

Sehun sighs and turns to begin unpacking the food he brought over. “I just… They kept pulling this shit on tour too. Always going to dinner, always staying out late, and working on Prive. You would think this was a project they were launching from the ground, but it’s not. Baekhyun already has all these connections, so why does it seem like they are doing so much?”

You chew on your lower lip as you take in Sehun’s words. Hearing how much time Baekhyun and Maya spent together and knowing Sehun sees it enough to pay attention to it was bothering you, but you didn’t want it to. You didn’t want to question Baekhyun because he had never ever given you a reason to doubt him before. However, you didn’t see the need to go to dinner over something small like fabric being fixed, and you certainly didn’t see why he had to dress so nicely for it.

“They’ve been texting each other constantly… and today, the two of us were supposed to spend time together, but he… Well, you know…” you trail off and indicate everything that just happened with a wave of your arm.

Sehun hums in thought while he searches your face. A moment later, he shakes his head. “She’s harmless. Ignore me. I’m just making something out of nothing. I’ve only ever heard them talk about designs and other fashion crap, so don’t worry about them.” He holds a food container up in front of your face to distract you. “Here, I got your favorite noodles.”

You grab the container from Sehun, but your mind is still with Baekhyun and Maya. You hadn’t realized how much the two communicated, and it surprised you it was enough that Sehun took notice of it. That Sehun was questioning it…

Over the next week, your communication with Baekhyun drops to nearly zero. Usually, when Baekhyun was at work, he was constantly texting you every chance he could, but now it was just short one-word answers he would reply with. When he’s at home, it’s no different. He spends most of his time coming up with designs or being busy on the phone with Maya.

You try not to let it bother you and to be the supportive girlfriend he deserves, but you can’t help it. It definitely bothers you. You couldn’t even remember the last time you and Baekhyun had a conversation that wasn’t interrupted by or about Maya. Not only that, but you were worried about him. It was like he was being consumed by this new line.

You glance towards the second bedroom that Baekhyun had dubbed his office and come up with an idea, or a reattempt at an old idea. Getting up from the couch you were currently sitting on, you make a beeline for Baekhyun’s office and feel grateful that he left the door wide open.

You peek into the room and find the man in question with his head down on his desk. You knew he wasn’t sleeping from the way he was sighing to himself, so you tiptoe until your behind his chair and slowly let your hands fall onto his back. He jumps at the sudden contact but relaxes once he figures out it’s you.

You slowly rub his back until he sits up, and you begin to work on his shoulders. His head falls forward as you give him a much-needed massage.

“Babe… I think it’s time you take a break… You seem exhausted.”

“I’ll do whatever you want as long as you don’t stop what you’re doing.” He mumbles in a daze.

You knead a little harder as you already plot a way for this to be an advantage to you. “Anything I want, huh?”

He lets out a soft laugh once he hears your tone. “Whatever you desire, love.”

“So many things come to mind when you say that… but I already know what I want.”

“What’s that?” he asks lightly. From the sound of his voice, you can tell he’s almost zoned out from the conversation.

“Take the night off from work, and let’s have a little date night at home…”

You feel him tense up, and you know he wants to protest, so you stop him before he can. “Please, Baek… You’ve been working nonstop since you came home from tour. You’ve barely even had time to rest… One night. That’s all I’m asking.”

He sighs before nodding. “You’re right. I need a break…”

He straightens up and turns his chair around to face you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he rests his chin on your stomach to look up at you. “Plus, I’ve missed you…”

You run a hand softly down the side of his face with a smile. “I’ve missed you too…”

You get Baekhyun to follow you to the kitchen, and the two of you search for a good meal to make. Once you’re both satisfied with what you find, you begin prepping the meal and get ready to cook.

At least, that’s how it started out. In the middle of chopping up some vegetables, you glance over at Baekhyun and see him smiling at his phone. You ignore it the first time, even the third time, but once you notice Baekhyun has completely stopped helping you make dinner and is instead smiling at his phone, your heart drops.

You were sure it wasn’t work because you’ve never seen him smile at his phone for work. You didn’t think it was the EXO group chat or his friends because he never would stay glued to his phone when the two of you were together for them. Which could only mean one thing… He was talking to Maya.

Baekhyun suddenly lets out a loud laugh, startling you and making you knock some carrots to the ground. You sigh and bend down to pick them up, trying to decide if you even want to try to keep his attention right now.

“What’s so funny?”

He looks over at you in confusion before he remembers where he is.

“Maya sent me a pubg meme.” He tells you before waving his hand. “You wouldn’t get it, or else I’d show it to you.”

Feeling your shoulders drop, you bite your lips at his words. Baekhyun loved showing you stupid memes, especially about what he was interested in… Apparently, now he has someone else to share them with?

“I thought you and Maya only talked about fashion stuff?”

He shakes his head and looks back down at his phone. “We talk about everything. We actually have a lot in common. She’s a really cool girl.”

You ignore the twinge his words cause in your heart, but before you can say anything, his next words have you completely shutting down.

“She’s happy you’re making me take a break, and she thinks your little date night idea is cute.”

Your little date night idea… You mentally scoff. Why did the words sound so condescending all of a sudden?

“Right… Do you think you could actually help me with that little date night idea?”

Your eyes fall to the meat he has yet to season, and his own follow your stare. He jumps once he realizes he hasn’t done a single thing to help you and gives you a sheepish smile before muttering a small apology.

The next half an hour is filled with Baekhyun joking with you, filling you in on his past week, and overall, remembering you were still in the room with him. (Yes, you were being bitter.) He did his best to ignore his phone through cooking and even through dinner, but his eyes slid to it every time there was a ding… and there were a lot of dings.

Once it’s time to settle down and watch a movie, you choose a movie that you and Baekhyun had both been wanting to watch and settle down on the couch next to him. You lay your head against his shoulder and begin watching the movie, but it doesn’t take long for you to feel slight movement beneath your head.

You look over at Baekhyun’s other side and see him responding to a text from Maya. You mentally sigh and sit up, putting your focus back on the movie in front of you. Though, now your attention is derailed because you keep seeing Baekhyun texting from the corner of your eye.

“Wow. That was crazy.” You suddenly say, pretending you’re talking about something that happened in the movie. When he doesn’t even hear you, you try again. “I can’t believe the sister did that.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah.” He mumbles in agreement, even though what you’re saying has no relevance to the movie whatsoever.

Hurt and disbelief flow through you once you realize Maya has somehow come in between your date night again. That Baekhyun couldn’t even give you a couple of hours of his attention…

“Baek…” you wait until he acknowledges you. “Are you even gonna watch this movie?”

He looks up at you and blinks before looking at the tv. “Oh, I already watched this.”

You open and close your mouth a few times in a complete loss of words. What did he mean he already watched this? When? …Why? The two of you talked about watching it together when it came out…

“You’ve already seen it?”

“Mhmm. Maya and I needed a break the other day, and we both wanted to see it, so we watched it… but you can keep watching it. I don’t mind.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and try to keep the anger you feel in check. All you can do is laugh in disbelief and frustration. Of course. Of course, he watched it with her.

After the anger comes the sadness and hurt. The two of you were supposed to watch it together. He wasn’t supposed to go and watch it with someone else… It felt like Baekhyun was totally disregarding your feelings. Not just about the movie, but about everything at this point.

You sit in silence for another ten minutes before you get up. Your interest in the movie or watching Baekhyun continue to text Maya was long gone. You walk away from the couch without a single word to Baekhyun, and if you were honest, you don’t even think he noticed.

You trek into your shared bedroom and immediately start getting yourself ready for bed. You didn’t care how early it was or that you didn’t say anything to Baekhyun. You were just completely done with the day and wanted nothing more than to crawl under your covers and hibernate, so that’s exactly what you do.

You lay there and try to slip into a different reality, but your mind can’t escape from Baekhyun or Maya. It was like you wanted to torture yourself and replay every word and moment over and over again. This goes on for 20 minutes, and the only reason you can escape the continuous hell is because you hear the doorknob to the bedroom door turn.

You hold your breath and open your eyes to see Baekhyun slowly opening the bedroom door. He creeps in, taking in your covered form with a frown.

“Why did you leave?”

“I’m just tired, that’s all.”

He studies your face for a moment before crawling into bed with you. A part of you wants to turn away as a small form of punishment, but the other part of you just wanted attention from your boyfriend.

He wraps his arm around your back and drags your body toward him without any help from you. He pulls you close until your face is buried in his chest, and he brings his chin down on top of your head. You feel him adjust to kiss the top of your head before settling back down again.

“I’m sorry… I should’ve waited to watch the movie with you.”

You sigh. “Baekhyun, it’s not just about the movie… I’ve hardly seen or spoken to you in a week, and your face is always buried in your phone… That’s not okay…”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He immediately says while squeezing you tight. “I should’ve given you more attention, especially tonight when you tried so hard to give me a relaxing day… Do you forgive me?”

You ignore him because you aren’t entirely sure if you’re ready to forgive him yet, but Baekhyun knew how to always get his way. He nuzzles into your neck, and you feel his lips brush against your skin.

“Do you forgive me?”

“Okay, I’ll forgive you…” you quickly relent before he goes for a ticklish area, though the words seem meaningless at the moment.

You feel him smirk against your skin before he suggestively says, “Good… because you can have all of my attention right now if you want…”

“Baek…” you whine, definitely not wanting to give in with how he’s been acting lately.

He pushes you onto your back and crawls on top of you, pushing his legs in between yours. “Let me make it up to you, baby…”

Tagging: @gyukult @marovekian1 @making-me-blush @softforqiankun @sebootyforlife @nothingbutadeadesceane @cardtak @brie02 @jungkooksworld18 @insta1010 @suhappysuho @purple-bell @sorrowinblood @softysuho

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tefilovesreading · 3 years

Text

High expectations - Alive!Luke Patterson x Reader

Pairing: Alive!Luke Patterson x Fem!Reader.

Word count: +3,4k

Warnings: meh just a few curse words, and a lot of fluff.

A/N: Because I love to push the deadlines, this is my entry/submission for @cherrymaybank Valentine’s Day challenge! Hope y’all like it.

Edited by: @theamazingtomholland

MASTERLIST

I closed my locker with a little more force than needed, and I cringed at the loud noise it made on the empty halls. Most of the students already gone, just a few lingering around the school. Who wanted to spend more time than necessary in school on a Monday?

“Why are you so angry?” Luke’s voice startled me. Leaning next to my locker with a grin on his face, he handed me my water bottle, “you left it in the library.”

“Thanks,” I smiled at him and adjusted the backpack strap on my shoulder. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he tugged on my backpack strap, making it fall down my arm, so he could snatch it and throw it over his shoulder, “I have band practice, do you wanna come?”

“I have a lot of homework, Luke,” I replied, matching his pace while we made our way out of the building and towards his car, “maybe next time.”

“You always say that but never come,” he accused me, unlocking the car and throwing our stuff in the backseat.

“It’s not my fault that you don’t do your homework,” I joked and stuck my tongue out at the shocked look he gave me.

“Oh shut up, I do my homework at night,” Luke started the car, and the careless look on his face, while he reversed the car with only one hand on the steering wheels, made the butterflies on my stomach flutter. “What are you doing on Sunday anyway?”

“Uh, I don’t know?” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, “should I have plans?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” he stated, and then the realization hit me.

“Oh,” I murmured, “I’m just gonna stay at home. You know I’m not seeing anyone.”

“You stayed at home last year, Y/N,” he pondered without taking his gaze out of the road, “and the year before.”

“So it’s my fault I happen to be single around Valentine’s Day season?” I countered getting a little annoyed at him.

“I’m not saying that,” Luke scoffed, “I was just thinking about the fact that you’ve never celebrated the holiday.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I shrugged and looked out of the window.

It really wasn’t a big deal for me, especially since I never felt the need to spoil the people I love on a specific day because I did that all the time. And it just happened to be a coincidence that all my past relationships either ended before the holiday or started after it. Not that my relationships were even that long because somehow guys always found an excuse to dump me after a few months. And if I was being honest, I was fine with it because I didn’t like any of those guys half as much as I liked the boy sitting beside me.

“It is a big deal for me,” Luke commented as he stopped the car in front of my house, “I can’t let my favorite girl just go around life without a real experience of how you’re supposed to be treated on Valentine’s Day.”

“So what,” I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned around to give him a stern look, “are you gonna set me up with some random dude, so I can spend Valentine’s Day with someone and not at home?”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Luke met my eyes with the biggest smile on his face as if he just had the best idea in the world, “I know you wouldn’t be comfortable around some random dude, but what if I give you the best Valentine’s Day, so you know what to expect next time you date a guy.”

As soon as those words left his mouth I felt like someone threw a bucket full of cold water over me. How could I tell him why this was the worst idea ever and that he’d only manage to hurt me because I was in love with him and fake dating him would only crush my heart? It’d be like getting to taste a piece of heaven and then being exiled.

“Luke, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” I told him, feeling my throat tight out of pure nervousness.

“Why not?” he huffed and started tapping his finger on the steering wheel, “I don’t have a date either, and we’re just gonna spend the day together, we do it all the time.”

“I can’t say no, can I?”

“Not this time, babe,” he winked at me and rolled my eyes.

“You’re a pain in the ass,” I groaned before reaching for my backpack before opening the door and getting out of the car.

“You know you love me,” I heard him say before I closed the door. And he was right.

I waved him goodbye and opened the front door to my house, knowing that Luke wouldn’t leave until he saw me get inside. Those small gestures like waiting for me till I get inside before leaving in case I forgot my keys, or I saw something strange before going in, made me fall more each day for him.

He didn’t have to care so much and go out of his way to help me if I needed a hand, but he did, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. He was such a great friend and that was the only reason I kept my feelings for him a secret. I couldn’t risk losing his friendship.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket and when I read the message I felt the blood leave my face.

Alex: what did u do??? Y/N: Nothing??? why Alex: Luke got to the studio acting like he just drank 5 red bulls Y/N: not my fault

I plopped down on my bed and grabbed the closest pillow, so I could scream in it without my neighbor thinking I was crazy. There was no way this was gonna end well for me and I knew I couldn’t make Luke change his mind.

I furrowed my eyebrows when a folded piece of paper fell to the floor as I took the textbook I needed for my next class. I picked up and put it in my back pocket, I was late for class and the last thing I needed was to risk getting detention for being late once again.

“Just in time, mister Patterson,” I heard the teacher say, and I lifted my head to see Luke giving her one of his charming smiles and then heading to his seat right behind me.

“You’re late,” I whispered without turning my head to see him, I knew he was listening.

“Yeah, I know,” he murmured, and I noticed a hint of disappointment in his voice, “I was waiting for someone.”

“Oh,” I let out in a breath. That’s all I can say before the teacher starts her lesson and I decide to pay attention. After all, Luke’s the one that can get away from trouble with a smile, not me.

I shifted in my seat, bored out of my mind while the woman kept talking about how we need to use the formula written on the board when I remember the folded piece of paper tucked away in my pocket. I reached for it, trying not to let Luke see what I was doing and trying to cover it with the sleeve of my hoodie, even though he was sitting right behind me.

The handwriting was so distinctive I knew who wrote it as soon as I read the first word on the piece of paper. And after years of deciphering his handwriting, reading the lyrics to his songs, and passing notes during class, made it so much easier to understand it.

I was thinking of a way to start the whole Valentine’s Day plan, and I concluded that since we’re not dating, we’re gonna be celebrating the real meaning behind the holiday. And that’s love.

I fucking love you, you know that right Angel?

You’ve been my friend for so many years and I can’t be more grateful for all the support and love you give me without thinking twice. And that you put up with my shit, I know I’m a lot.

So I promise this week is gonna be my mission to show you how grateful I am for having you in my life, starting today.

I’ll be waiting for you at the library before classes start. I got you a surprise.

-Luke aka Major pain in the ass.

Luke was waiting for me, that’s why he was almost late for our class. And I didn’t show up because I couldn’t stop for half a minute to read the note. God, I was so dumb. He was putting so much effort into giving me the best experience, and I already messed up on day one.

I turned around quickly, enough time to notice the frown between his eyebrows and the sad expression on his face. I wanted to bury myself. How could I be so dumb?

I traced the word Angel with my fingertip and smiled at the nickname he gave me when we were kids. Luke fell off the swing and I leaned over him to see if he was okay, just to hear him say “Am I dead or is that an angel?”. Even now I still could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks whenever I remembered how he came up with the nickname.

“Make sure you study,” the teacher warns us, “we might have a quiz in the next class.”

As soon as she said that I started shoving my things inside my backpack because I knew Luke would storm out of the classroom the second our teacher let us leave. I stood him up, and I couldn’t even imagine how hurt he felt.

“Luke wait!” I called trying to match his long strides, pushing past the students in the hallways.

“Hey,” he said, slowing down a bit but not bothering to look in my direction, “you need something?”

“Luke, I’m sorry,” I apologized, grabbing his arm to make him stop and look at me, “I didn’t read the note until a few minutes before the class finished. I’d have shown up if I read it right away.”

“If you don’t want me to do this, just say it,” Luke said, and I shook my head showing him my disagreement.

“No, I mean it,” I let my hand fall from his arm and I grabbed his hand, locking our pinkies together, “I promise.”

“Good, because you’re gonna have to wait till tomorrow for your next surprise,” he smiled and squeezed lightly our fingers before letting go.

“What about today’s surprise?” I questioned.

“It was a coffee from your favorite coffee place and some donuts,” he replied, putting his hand on the small of my back and pushing me to keep walking, “once I realized you weren’t coming I gave it to Betty. You know I hate when food goes to waste.”

“Oh, well,” I murmured slightly disappointed because I didn’t get to have my favorite coffee, but with a warm feeling inside because he remembered the place I liked even when we didn’t go together that often, “we can grab lunch off-campus, my treat.”

“But I drive, right?”

“Unless you give me your keys and I drive,” I wiggled my eyebrows and laughed at the frightened expression on his face.

“No way, I’d like to live,” I snorted at his comment, “no offense, Angel, but you drive like shit.”

“I’m not that bad,” I complained, and I knew my cheeks were blushing.

“Sure, whatever you say, Y/N,” he laughed.

By Thursday, I had a bunch of notes sprawled in my bed, Luke’s messy handwriting bright in every single one of them. He made sure to hide a note in my locker whenever I had to change my textbooks and after the disaster that was the first note he left me, I made sure to read them as soon as I found them. Most of them were just jokes, song lyrics we both loved, but my favorites were those that had memories of moments we had lived together.

Remember the first song I learned how to play, and I was so excited to show you, and when you came over I got so nervous that I forgot not only the chords but also the lyrics, but you sat there with me and told me not to worry while I searched again for the tabs. You have so much faith in me, it really makes me want to do better. You make me better.

My chest was heavy with mixed emotions. On one side I was over the moon with every single small gift and note he gave, but I couldn’t help but dread the weekend, knowing that once Valentine’s Day is over, my bubble would burst, and I’d be left with the sour feeling of knowing how amazing Luke could be as a boyfriend but with zero chances to have him as more than a friend.

I grabbed the small gift and put it in my backpack, waiting for Luke to come and pick me up. Friday came faster than I wanted and felt my whole body tense. Valentine’s Day was two days away, and I wasn’t ready for this to end.

“Morning, Angel,” I heard Luke say when I opened the passenger door.

“Morning, Lucas,” I said and smiled at his groan. He hated it when I called him like that.

“I brought you coffee, but you don’t deserve it,” he commented, and I looked at him with my best puppy eyes, “that’s not gonna work on me, Y/N”

“Please,” I batted my eyelashes and I swear I saw him gulp. He rolled his eyes and handed me the coffee cup he was holding, “You’re the best.”

“Of course I am,” he winked at me and started the car.

As soon as we entered the building, Luke told me he’d meet me in my locker and then left without another word.

“Where’s Luke?” Alex’s voice startled me and almost made me drop my phone.

“I don’t know, he said he’d meet me here,” I replied and furrowed my brows when he shot me a confused look, “what?”

“Nothing, I thought I’d find him here since he’s been glued to your hip this week.”

“Oh shut up,” I laughed.

“I’m gonna go and see if I can find him with Reggie,” he pointed to the hallway and I nodded, “see you in a bit.”

I checked the hour on my phone one last time and sighed when I saw a girl walking with a rose in her hand.

“All done,” I got startled for the second time that morning and I closed my locker to see Luke standing next to me with a small box in his hand, “last gift before Valentine’s Day.”

“I got you one too,” I said with a soft smile, “you want it now?”

“Now, obviously,” he answered with a grin.

I opened my backpack and fumbled with a few things before finding the small gift. I watched Luke’s smile widen when he saw the guitar strings pack inside.

“Did you like it?” I asked just to hear him say it because the smile on his face gave away the answer.

“And you got me new guitars picks!” I laughed when he threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly, “I love it, thank you.”

His smile was on my mind all day, I loved to see him so happy about something I gave him. Shit, I loved him and that was it.

When the last bell rang announcing the end of the school day, Luke was already waiting for me by my locker with a single rose in his hand.

“I knew you’d hate me if I made you walk around with a rose, but I still wanted to give you one,” he mentioned with a shy smile, “you didn’t tell me if you liked the gift, by the way.”

“Oh, shit,” I murmured hurrying to find the small box I put in my backpack, “I forgot to open it.”

He waited patiently for me to open the small box and I looked at him in pure confusion. I knew that was his keychain.

“I don’t understand,” I mumbled, tracing the metallic guitar pick with his initials engraved in it, a gift I gave him last Christmas.

“We’re having a movie night on Sunday,” he explained, and I could notice the nervousness in his voice, “like the old days.”

The fact that Luke was giving me the best Valentine’s Day experience without even dating, and keeping in mind the things I liked or hated, made me realize there was no way another boy would ever come close to the expectations he was setting.

When we were kids, we used to build a fort in front of the TV, so we could watch movies there, but we’d always spend too much time building the fort and by the time we were done with it, we’d be too tired to watch the movie, and that meant falling asleep within the first ten minutes of the movie. Now that we were older, I didn’t know what to expect.

That's why when I unlocked Luke’s front door on Sunday, I felt my hands trembling and my heart pounding.

“Luke?” I called out.

“Living room!” he yelled in response.

The lights were dimmed, and I smiled when I saw the fort made of blankets in the middle of the room. At least that meant we wouldn’t be passing out before the movie started.

“You ready?” he asked, and I nodded, following him and making myself comfortable between the pillows.

“You did a nice job here, Luke” I complimented, admiring the effort he put into everything to give me such a good experience.

“I think building blanket forts is my real calling,” he joked.

“Oh, you definitely got better at it,” I bantered, and he pushed me lightly.

“Shut up,” Luke chuckled and pressed play to start the movie.

I didn’t pay attention to the movie playing in front of us, too distracted by his closeness, the heat irradiating from his body making me well aware of the boy next to me. And the fact that he had one arm over my shoulders didn’t help at all.

“Can I tell you something?” I wondered while keeping my voice just above a whisper.

“Sure,” he said with his gaze fixed on the screen.

“You just set the bar way too high for the next guy I date,” I confessed hoping he’d turned around to look at me. The lights were dancing in his face, and my heart skipped a beat when I caught the glimpse of a smile on his face.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he whispered and my breath got caught up in my throat when he turned to look at me, “but that means I’ll have to do better next year.”

I blinked once, twice, and a third time, trying to process the words that came out of his mouth. What did he say?

“What?” I blurted out. Luke pulled a strand of my hair playfully and smiled at me.

“Did you really think I’d put all this effort just because you’ve never got to celebrate Valentine’s Day before?” he questioned with a smug look on his face. I didn’t know how to respond, and he took my silence as a signal for him to keep talking, “I was hoping you’d realize by now that I want to be your next Valentine.”

“Fuck you, Luke. This isn’t funny,” I scoffed at him, not believing a single word. He was joking, right?

“You’re really slow for someone as smart as you, you know?” Luke affirmed.

I could feel his breath fanning over my face and when he noticed I didn’t move away after he traced my jaw with his thumb, he closed the distance between us. His lips soft over mine, wandering in unknown territory for both of us. Luke nibbled on my lip with a tenderness I never thought he had in him, persuading me to let him in.

I let out a deep sigh when he pulled away and didn’t waste time pressing our lips together one more time. Hell, he could be my Valentine for the rest of our lives if he wanted to.

tagged: @chevyimpala00067 @samanthawilliamspring @searchingunderthestars @luke-patt @moneybagmgk @angisbr @happinessinthedarkesttimes @knitsessed @teti-menchon0604 @randomstuff7 @warmness0ul @merceret @headheartbellarke@cordeliascrown @crybabyddl @phantompogues @the-romanian-is-bae @doaspeggy-says (Send me an inbox if you wanna be tagged in my stories)

#luke patterson imagine #luke patterson fanfiction #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson one shot #jatp imagine #charlie gillespie fanfic #cherryvalentinesfic

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my-own-oracle · 3 years

Note

Could I get a fluffy Drift romantic Valentine thingy?

Of course! Every bot deserves some love. You didn't specify any specific version of Drift, so I'm going with the MTMTE version. If you wanted RID15 or something else, just let me know. Sorry, this kinda got long; I've been without power for the majority of 3 days, this was one of the few things I could to do.

You still kept track of the days that passed on Earth. At first, it was for your own amusement. Wanting to keep track of the time on Earth, but as some holidays came and went, you kept track to keep the connection to your home alive. You kept track of the calendar changes, making a special note when you entered the month of February

You planned, quietly and carefully, gathering spare datapads and using your little stash of credits to purchase a small gift for a particular bot. It was hard keeping the whole thing a secret, considering most of the things you had to hide away were significantly larger than you, but by the power of pure determination, you managed.

You spent hours locked away in your hab-unit, carefully typing out cheesy Valentine's poems for your friends. Most following the 'roses are red, and violets are blue' format. And when they were done, you beamed.

You spent the day dragging different data pads around to other bots. Tailgate had even decided to help you for a while, flying you around on his hoverboard, laughing and talking with you as you made your way through the large ship. Even with his help, the event took up most of the day. Slowly everything was handed out. All but one Valentine remained.

You bid a farewell to Tailgate as he dropped you off at your hab-unit. You had to do this delivery alone.

This was the Valentine that mattered the most.

**** Drift had spent most of the day with Rodimus, talking about everything from different tactical plans to the many ways the Co-captain could encourage and rally his mechs with a more powerful aura. Or at least Rodimus pretended to listen to that last part. Either way, Drift had spent several hours with his friend. During that time, the spectralist had spied an unusual sight, a datapad in Rodimus' personal quarters. "Did someone slip that in here when you weren't looking?" Rodimus laughed good-naturedly before shaking his helm.

"No, the Space Cadet dropped it off. She's celebrating an earth holiday today and is passing out some gifts to bots she thinks will appreciate them. Rodimus passed the datapad over to Drift, letting him read the short poem written on it.

"Roses are red, And you are too. I am so thankful, To be friends with you."

Drift found himself smiling as he reads the blurb of text below it, where you explained Valentine's day and its significance to humans in your own culture.

"So this day is used to express love and gratitude to those around you?" Drift clarified, smiling a little wider as Rodimus nodded.

"She told me humans also use this day as an excuse to express more romantic kinds of love too."

A feeling of jealousy settled in his tanks.

"(Y/N)- she is truly a wonderful person. Did she pass out many of these?"

"She had a large stack. You'll probably have one waiting for you in your room," A servo pushed into drifts shoulder plating.

"I doubt that we-" he calms his spark before speaking again. "We may be friends, but we hardly spend time alone together. I think she's frightened of me."

"Uhhh I-"

"She must have learned about some of the things in my past. She can hardly look at me in the optics when we're together, and if we are alone, she can't speak. I fear that I may be terrifying to be around.."

"Okay…. Have you ever thought that maybe your being," Rodumis rolled his optics, "I don't know, a little overdramatic?"

Drift pondered the thought. But no matter how he looked at it, the hesitant gaze, the fidgeting when together, the quietness she only had around him, all signs pointed to her fearing him.

"Drift, please, don't make me be the responsible one. It goes against my entire being."

Silence lapsed again.

"I am not spelling this out for you," Rodimus stood, pulling Drift to his peds and shoving him out the door. "Come back when you're done being a sparkling. Go talk to her," the door shut, leaving Drift to walk back to his hab-unit.

****

You could feel your heart racing under your ribs. Thundering with each step you took, leading you to pause every few meters. 'This is so stupid. I can't do this.' you told yourself for the hundredth time.

"You alright there, Space Cadet?" you snapped your head behind you, spying Rodimus standing maybe a few feet away. When had he snuck up on you?

"I'm fine, just lost in my head." you face back towards Drifts unit, your confidence waning with each passing second.

"Is that another one of those valentines?" Rodimus squatted down to you your level, a servo reaching out to the special datapad you had placed on the hall floor.

"No," you dashed in front of his hand. "Nothing of interest, really. It's just like the one I gave to you and everybody else."

"And I suppose the box next to it is nothing too," you took a large step to the right, standing between the white and red wrapped box you had next to the Data-pad, before sharing a small, shy smile with the co-captain.

"It's- it's nothing." your voice was softer than you wanted it to be. The smug look on Rodimus' face told you he didn't buy it. "I wanted to give a gift to someone, and if I was on Earth, I would give a special someone candy. I found out Cybertronians can eat energon candies, and I bought a crystal of it as a gift. But it's stupid. He probably won't like it anyways."

You sunk your head closer to your shoulders. "Just giving him a poem and a piece of candy isn't going to make someone like him notice me." Your fingers worked at the hem of your shirt, rolling the worn material as a means to work out the lump you felt forming in your throat.

Rodimus held his servo out to you, a silent invitation to 'climb up' as he so often said. You took it, settling down into his palm. You watched as he carefully gathered your measly gift into his other servo and began walking in the direction you needed to go.

"So, you like this mech, and you're worried he doesn't like you." You nod. "Who is it?"

"I'd rather not say."

"It's not Ultra Magnus, is it?" You snap a playful glare at your friend. "I just needed to know, I'd still support you, but I won't be thrilled."

"No, it's not Magnus." you heard his vent of relief. Thundering footsteps filled the hall as Rodimus carried you farther a small way.

"so…"

"It- I, Drift," you whispered. "It's for Drift." You were thankful Rodimus didn't outright laugh. He did his best to stay composed. You could feel it in the way his digits curled for a moment, him gasping for air as he tried to talk.

"You think, he- you dont realize-" giggles filled the space between each attempted sentence.

"Yes, I like Drift. Go on, get it out. The little silly human is in love with a bot who probably couldn't care less, who's so far out of her league it's embarrassing." The lump in your throat returned, this time accompanied by a burning feeling behind your eyes. You took a few calming breaths, refusing to cry in such a frustrating situation.

"Oh stars, you're hopeless." Rodimus was smiling, oblivious to your emotional turmoil or not caring about it. "Trust me," he lifted you level with his politics, "He'll be thrilled."

***** Drift sat in his hab-unit, wondering how he could use this Valentine's day thing to his advantage. Find a way to earn some positive affection, and talk to you.

He was coming up blank; you were beloved. There was no way you would give up your time to talk to a bot who terrified you. If only he knew a way to quell your fear and maybe show that he wasn't such a bad bot. Drift heard his door open but didn't turn from his desk. His EM field told him it was Rodimus.

"Yo." Rodimus walks over to Drift, and before he can turn, his friend grips the closest servo to him. Drift feels you more than sees you, as you're practically tossed into his servo. His optics widen monetarily, and he throws his other servo around you, desperately trying to keep you from falling.

You have his full attention, so much so that the sound of Rodimus putting your gift down on Drift's desk before walking out hardly registers in his audials. Rodimus' smug "You'll thank me later" rings aloud and as the door slides shut behind him.

Drift cautiously checks you over for injuries. Slowly you roll over, sitting up and trying to look up into Drift's optics.

Your eyes can barely go past his chassis.

"Are you alright?" Drift questions. His optics take over you again, first your body, then your aura.

"Hi Drift, I'm alright" you raise your hand in a little wave, you sound a little frightened, and he watches as your body tenses. "I'm sorry for-uh- barging in like this. But I wanted to bring you a valentines gift." you waved your hand to the small offering on the desk beside him. "It's been delivered, so I'll stop bothering you now, I'm so sorry to have-"

"You are not bothering me," he smiles down at you. You're nervous; that much is plain to see. He turns his attention to your gift. While the box interests him, he takes the datapad first.

"Roses are red, And you are kind. I hold you in my heart, always on my mind."

He watches from the corner of his optics as you become red, the color complimenting the flustered pink in your aura.

"The poem is beautiful," he smiles, but you don't look at him in the optic. He puts down the pad and reaches for the box. The lid removes easily, and he is touched by the piece of energon candy you had inside.

"Thank you for my gifts, though I will say I'm surprised you gave me one," your eyes snapped to his optics wide and hurt.

"Why, you're my friend." Your question was soft, so quiet should he had been organic, he wouldn't have heard it.

"You're frightened of me, so I didnt think you would take the time to make me a gift."

"I'm not frightened of you," your hand reached our reassuringly to one of the digits around you, "What gave you that impression?"

Drift listed the clues he had gathered over the few months you'd been aboard, noting that with each one, a look of guilt took form over your face.

"Drift- I-I am not afraid of you," you stood abruptly, hopping from his hand to his desk "do you know what valentine's day is all about on earth?"

"It's about showing your affection to those in your life," your smile made his spark hum. It was soft, there was fear, but he focused in closer and saw in your aura; it wasn't a fear of him.

"Correct, but only half correct. It's also about telling people who don't know you lo-" you took a breath. "Some humans use this day to confess their love for another person." He could see the struggle you had to keep your eyes at his optics. "Those things I did, the ones that made you think I was scared of you, I did them because I was nervous. I really like you Drift, I would go as far as to say love, but I'm frightened at what you'll do, what you'll think."

He brought his servo to you again, two digits brushing your cheek and your hair. "If I were human, and it was Valentine's day, what should I do to quell your fears? How am I supposed to respond if I feel the same way about you?"

You leaned into his digits, your body relaxing from a tension he hadn't realized you had been holding in.

"You just did."

#valentines requests #drift x reader #mtmte drift #Transformers #transformers x reader

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delicioussshame · 3 years

Text

Posting next part of sugar AU before going to bed; we’ll see if I still hate it tomorrow.

Luo Binghe had always hoped for this, had always known he’d have it some day, but all his waiting couldn’t prepare him for how happy having Shen-laoshi makes him.

It does make his mornings even harder. He had grown to resent Shen-laoshi’s tendency to rise late, but now that waking him up with wandering hands or a ravenous mouth could be on the table, it’s even worse. Luo Binghe would love to start his day with the taste of Shen Yuan lingering in his mouth and his moans fresh in his mind. Sadly, Shen Yuan doesn’t quite approve. The one time Luo Binghe tried, Shen Yuan had barely managed to keep his eyes open for a few seconds before falling back to sleep. Really, how had he managed to go to work like this?

By suffering from chronic lack of sleep. The lifestyle definitely hadn’t suited him. His current situation is just so much better in every way. Luo Binghe will certainly relish watching students return to class, knowing his laoshi won’t be accompanying them.

Not for now, at least. He’s not quite sure what Shen Yuan is planning for his own future. He doesn’t think his teacher has accepted him fully yet. Shen-laoshi is probably still thinking things through, considering whether to look for another job or returning to school.

Since Luo Binghe himself now has Shen Yuan in his house, in his bed and away from the high school he refuses to call his, he finds himself willing to be patient on this particular aspect. He will, instead, focus his campaign on another, probably more delicate, front. “The literature division is holding its executive retreat in two weeks. I’m expected to show up for a formal dinner.”

Shen Yuan lifts his eyes from the book he’s reading and winces. “I’m sorry Binghe has to deal with this.”

Shen-laoshi, thank you for the hook. “It would be much easier if Shen-laoshi were to accompany me.”

“No it wouldn’t. The pain of trying to explain away my presence would far outweigh its benefits.”

“What is there to explain? Executives are allowed to bring their significant other. So would I.”

Shen Yuan returns to his book. “Very funny.”

There is nothing funny with his request? “How is it funny?”

“Like Binghe could introduce me as his significant other.”

“Why not?”

Shen Yuan puts the book down on the table and gives him an incredulous look. “Do you want to tear your reputation to shreds? I don’t have anything against you being attracted to men, but I’m not the majority. It will hurt your business, and by extension, your employees’ livelihood. Not to mention any chance of me working in education ever again. It’s unfair, I know, but Binghe cannot make his preference public.”

Luo Binghe blinks, confused. “I don’t care about any of this? My first priority will always be Laoshi. Why would I care about how he affects the conglomerate? As long as it still generates enough money to support Shen-laoshi as he should be supported, which it will, even a huge hit would still leave me with more money than anyone would ever need, I don’t care what happens to it.”

“Binghe, you’d be the front page of every magazine, every website, every news show. Your life would be exposed to the public, every single moment scrutinised and published for all to see. So would mine, and that’s if someone doesn’t get into their head that I must have abused you when you were a minor, in which case I could be jailed. It’s not a question of caring. You cannot do this.”

“Shen-laoshi would never have taken advantage of me! He couldn’t even tell I had a crush on him!” No one would ever believe something this ridiculous!

“That doesn’t matter. Binghe, I gave you a lot of attention. You remained after class so many times I cannot remember all of them. Everyone knew you were my favorite student. Look at it from the outside. How could you explain you, stunningly handsome and just as rich, choosing me, a no-name teacher with neither of those qualities, beside the fact that I groomed you? At best, I’ll be labelled a pervert and a degenerate. You can’t tell anyone you don’t trust. You’d be ruining your life.”

Luo Binghe had always known that their marriage might not ever be recognised. He had been fine with going abroad to get married, and had already set up a few shell corporations to finance legal challenges to the current definition of marriage, but he knew the chances of those challenges succeeding were slim.

In the end, it didn’t really matter. The commitment did. He had lawyers ready to set up the legal situation as close to marriage as it could be as soon as Shen Yuan agreed to it.

He’d never considered he would have to keep their relationship private, especially not forever. He has nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, he wants to brag! Who wouldn’t be jealous of him?

But if it’s going to make his laoshi’s life this much harder, to the point that prison was a possibility…

The prospect is too terrifying to contemplate. “We can move.”

“I’m sorry?”

That’s a good idea! “If we live elsewhere, somewhere where it’s not an issue, it wouldn’t matter as much!” And it’s not like another country would care that Shen-Yuan used to be his teacher! How would they know?

“And you would manage your inherited, incredibly complex conglomerate from there? Your board is going to love this.”

“And I should care because?”

“This is ridiculous. Binghe needs to think those things through instead of living in a fantasy where everything works out perfectly! He needs to think about his position before he jeopardises it! And he needs to think about his legacy before throwing everything away for a man! Don’t you want children?”

“If Laoshi wants some, we can adopt or arrange for a surrogate. It’s not an issue.” He bets Shen-laoshi’s children would be adorable. Luo Binghe would never leave them alone.

“Your fellow socialites would never accept it!”

This is really quite a pointless fight. “Again, I could not care less. I’ve never wanted their approval, and I don’t need it. The only approval I’ve ever wanted is yours. You must have felt something similar, since you gave this world up to work the job you wanted.”

“It’s not the same thing! I didn’t, nor would I ever have, your status! I wasn’t even my parents’ heir! I have three other siblings! They didn’t need me around. Your corporation has no one but you to rely on.”

“It’s just a corporation. If it bothers you so much, I could easily sell all my shares, step down from my post and live off the wealth for the rest of our life.” It would have the advantage of leaving him with nothing but time to take care of his laoshi.

It would also feel like failure. He worked so hard to make himself into the kind of man his laoshi could be proud of, the result of his constant efforts. Giving it all up would leave a bad taste in his mouth.

He would still do it in a heartbeat if his laoshi requested it of him.

“That’s not what I…” Shen Yuan rises from the couch, walking around the room hurriedly. “I think I’ll never understand why you do what you do. Surely I’m not worth it. My family certainly wouldn’t think so.”

He wouldn’t say it, because he knows it wouldn’t go down well, but one of the reasons Luo Binghe had looked forward to going public had been to rub in said family’s face their abandoned son’s success.

Now, he just wants to do it more. “For myself, I’ll never understand why Shen-laoshi cannot see his own worth when it’s so evident to me.”

Shen Yuan stops, a barely visible embarrassed flush on his face that instantly distracts Luo Binghe from this unpleasant conversation. “Binghe can’t say things like that just to change the subject.”

He snorts. “I wasn’t. It’s just true. Maybe if I keep telling Shen-laoshi what a wonderful person he is, he will start believing it.”

He sees Shen Yuan shutting up as he grows more embarrassed.

Luo Binghe goes to pull him into his arms. “I just want Shen-laoshi to be happy. If he wants to remain private, that’s what we’ll do. Just give me some time to figure it out.” It’s not what he wanted, but it can’t all be what he wants all the time, can it? If anything, it might be a good sign. Shen Yuan barely implied the situation was his fault, and didn’t offer to leave to take care of it.

Shen-laoshi appears to melt into his embrace, hiding his face into his neck.

Luo Binghe still hasn’t developed a resistance to Shen-laoshi showing him any form of vulnerability or affection, not that he thinks he ever will. He discards the conversation for now in favor of returning said affection in the way he’s still getting used to.

#The Scum Villain Self Serving System #Scum Villain #BingQiu #That AU where LBH and SY fail to negociate their sugar relationship

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trashlie · 3 years

Note

also also we were talking about the possibility of dieter and shinae dating at one point? at least i think it’s gonna happen sooner or later bc they’ve gotten p close and right now shin ae and nolan are not in a place where they should date!!! because they’ve got a lot of shit to work on 😔 also they’re very emotionally constipated, it would be cool to have dieter and shinae together cause perhaps they vhave lingering feelings and they should explore them(? i think they’d have a healthy breakup during a timeskip or something ahaha shinae needs help recognizing her own feelings. maybe she thinks that what she feels for x person is platonic! but then realizes it’s not? and then thinks that these other feelings are love!! but she wouldn’t know how to differ. dieter is one of my favorite too, and a reliable friend to her 🥺what do you think? hhh i hope this makes sense ☠️

Getting to this a little late because I had to go eat, but I love this ask, too, because I definitely feel this, and have expected it!

So like, one of the major issues in shoujo romance is that first love is forever love. This is often reinforced further by "the first male character who appears is the end game" and/or "First kiss will be end game". In reality, we almost never settle with our first love. There are bound to be a series of crushes, people we like, and people we date before we settle with anyone. I never liked this trope, partly because it read weird to me that people ship something just cos "he was the first one who showed up so that means this is the pairing that will work out" rather than, you know, there's all the textual reasoning that makes me support these two, but also just how unrealistic and simplistic it is. How do you know someone is The One if you've never been with anyone before? How do you know the difference between like and love and lust when you've never been with anyone but this person?

To put it in terms of ILY: How is Shinae ever going to recognize her nuanced, emotional bond with Nol if she's never liked anyone else or been with anyone?

Shinae is at a point where we know she's got some kind of emotional attachment to Nol, but she is also shown to be attracted to Dieter. Not only did she go over the top to demonstrate just how unlikely it was for her to be on a date with someone like Kousuke but she literally mutters under her breath "I'll date you over anyone else any time mumble mumble" and proceeds to blush very red. Quim illustrates two types of blushing in ILY: little lines, and little lines with red. When there is red/pink involved, it's a true blush. When it's little lines, it's probably more like flusters or embarrassment. (When Shinae gets up in Nol's personal space over Lil Buddy's scratch marks going away, he gets flustered by her and those marks appear, but he's not exactly blushing.)

I think Shinae has developed a very physical attraction to Dieter, and it's evident in the way she behaves with him - the way she is attracted to his "hot hands" lmao the way she asks him (in her mind) not to look at her "that way" (because it makes her feel things). It's also a little more obvious to see than something emotional, and easier for her to detect. I don't think this means she only likes him in a physical way, and in the episodes to come we get to see more of what I mean. But just like when Shinae called Dieter when she had locked her intruder in the bathroom, Shinae sees Dieter as someone who is dependable and trustworthy.

Tbh, when she was at the amusement park with Dieter, blushing over his hand, I went "Ah, she's going to date him". It's something that I actually want to see, too! I think it IS good for her explore different feelings, because how do you start to learn the difference between "this person likes me so I think I like them back" and "this is a crush how do i know when it's like" and "what is the difference between love and like" and all those things. Also, Shinae needs to explore what she wants in a relationship, period. As far as we can tell, she's never really liked anyone. Dieter is the first person who makes her feel something resembling "I want to date", I'm pretty sure. How do you learn to identify your feelings except by exploring them!

Now, this is something I'd love to come back to next week and revisit because there is something in the upcoming fast pass episode that makes me go "WILL they actually end up dating?" but I'll address that then. I still think it's very likely to happen though, and that they'd have a healthy and amicable break up, too. Again, one of the arguments I see people use against Stalkyoo is that "Nol is the best friend of the person who likes her if they dated it would be a disaster and Dieter would get hurt" but lol like you said, there's NO WAY Nol and Shinae would date right now. They have so much to work through, so much trauma to unpack and baggage to deal with. Nol and Shinae are 100% an in the future kind of relationship for which the groundwork is being laid out. Dieter and Shinae are an active, in this moment, the feelings are awake thing.

Also, frankly, whether or not Dieter and Shiane dated, I don't think Dieter's feelings for her would be lingering so long that he'd hold a grudge against his two friends if they ever ended up dating. Besides... Dieter is observant. He pays attention to things. Don't forget that.

At any rate, I definitely think Shinae dating Dieter would help her identify the more nuanced things she takes for granted with Nol - whether or not they part on good terms. I really do want to revisit this topic next week when 152 comes out because AAAHHHHHHHHH there's so much more I want to say lol

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Dieter Becker-Wulff #I refuse to tag them as Shieter LMAO it pains me #they deserve something cuter lmaoooooooo #anyway first love forever love is such a hhhhhhh trope

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years

Text

Lockscreens (epilogue)

tw: insecurities, implicit sex, nostalgia, bittersweet memories

Word count: 5.9k

Genre: Angst, fluff

All trigger warnings will be tagged and posted at the beginning of each chapter! This will have *manga spoilers*

Pairings: Bokuto x fem!reader, Kuroo x fem!reader

Summary: Nearly four years ago, Bokuto left the love of his life for volleyball. Despite all the time, he’s still very much in love with her. He comes home to a major surprise leaving him wondering…What happened while he was gone?

Masterlist | prev

epilogue

“Now, please clear the floor for the First Dance.”

[When the visions around you, bring tears to your eyes]

“Shall we?” He grins, bowing slightly as he extends a hand to (Name).

She giggles, placing her hand in his. “We shall.”

[And all that surrounds you are secret and lies]

The lights dimmed as they made their way to the center of the dance-floor.

“We finally got our official dance, huh?” He joked, pulling gently on a loose curl.

[I’ll be your strength. I’ll give you hope. Keeping your faith when it’s gone. The one you should call, Was standing there all along]

Kuroo opened the door to the house, having been invited over by the pregnant woman and bearing a gift of her favorite pastry. It was week fifteen of her pregnancy. “(Name)?” He called, stepping into the living room after following the sound of sniffles.

“K-Kuroo! You’re already here!” She frantically wiped at her face in an attempt to hide her blotchy face.

“What’s the matter?” He put the box onto the table, throwing his keys down as he sits besides her. “Why are you crying?” Kuroo gently grasps her hands, pulling it away to reveal the residual tears on her face.

“It’s silly,” she sniffled.

“You say that every time, and I tell you every time, if it bothers you, then it bothers me. So tell me, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

She snorted, shaking her head. “It’s just Bokuto.”

“What about him?”

“I think he’s gone for good, Kuroo. I don’t think he’s gonna come back for me.”

Kuroo frowned, glancing down at the phone that she had clutched in one hand. The screen showed a picture of Bokuto and (Name) from high-school. “He’s an idiot if he leaves you behind,” Kuroo says softly, both hands cupping her face to wipe the tears away. “I promise you, I’ll always be here, ok? No matter what happens.

(Name) nods, giving him a watery smile. “You’re the best, Kuroo. When will you find someone to settle down with?” She giggled, hiccuping slightly.

Kuroo’s face softens as he brings her close, holding her against his chest. “Hopefully soon, sweetheart. But for now, you’re stuck with me, okay?”

She snuggled in closer, her eyes fluttering shut as her breathing deepened. Kuroo lets out a breathy chuckle.

‘She’s already here, in my arms. If only she saw me the way I saw her though.’

[And I will take you in my arms. And hold you right where you belong. ‘Til the day my life is through, This I promise you]

They spun slowly to the sound of a soft love ballad. It had been a long day. (Name) had just returned to work, bringing Hikori with her to the office. Kuroo himself had just returned from a business trip that (Name) had forced himself on. After putting their son to bed, they found themselves in each other’s embrace with a sigh of relief.

“Y’know, I think we were supposed to save this for the wedding.” (Name) teased, looking up into hazel eyes.

Kuroo chuckled, holding her close to him. “Well, we did have a wedding.” His nose brushed against her in a tantalisingly close kiss.

“Mmhm, you’re right,” (Name) agreed, “though we didn’t get a chance to dance during it.”

“How could we?” Kuroo teased. “With your swollen pregnant feet and our families and friends ambushing us left and right. Hardly seems like we had a chance, my dear.”

(Name) rested her head on his shoulder, humming slightly. “I love you, Tetsu.”

“I love you too, (Name). I love you so much.”

[I’ve loved you forever. In lifetimes before.]

“It only took us four years or so,” (Name) replied, (e/c) orbs gazing into hazel.

“Eh, but those were some of the best years of my life.” Kuroo shrugged.

“Why’s that?”

“Because I finally had you in my arms.”

Her cheeks got hot, “you’re such a dork,” she mumbled, burying it into his shoulder. His chest shook with the rumble of his laughter.

[And I promise you never, Will you hurt anymore]

“You want me to do what?”

“Can you help me ask (Name) out?”

Kuroo examined Bokuto’s face carefully, forcing a smile onto his expression. “You want to ask my best friend out?”

“Yeah!” Bokuto nodded aggressively. “You know her the best, do you think you could help?”

Kuroo swallowed the pain that threatened to overwhelm him. He hadn’t mentioned his own feelings to (Name) yet, and here he was, already on the verge of losing her. “What was your plan?”

[I give you my word. I give you my heart.]

After listening to Bokuto’s plan, Kuroo reluctantly agreed. After all, he wanted to see her happy and if she thought she could find that with Bokuto, then Kuroo would support her every step of the way. Or, that’s what he kept telling himself as he watched Bokuto sweep her away to the dance-floor.

Their eyes met over Bokuto’s shoulder as (Name) faced him. Kuroo grinned at her, sending her a wink. ‘Well?’ Kuroo asked silently, his eyebrows raising slightly. ‘Do you want him?’ Bokuto pulled away, capturing her attention once more. Kuroo’s silent question was answered when (Name) leaned forward, brushing her lips against Bokuto’s cheek.

Once again, hazel eyes met (e/c). Kuroo forced himself to smile, giving her a thumbs-up. His heart shattered. Of course she would say yes. There was not an evil bone in her body. She’s never said that she wasn’t interested in Bokuto. Kuroo’s eyes flickered between her and her new boyfriend, making a ‘shoo-ing’ gesture. No matter what happens, he’ll still be here for her.

[This is a battle we’ve won. And with this vow, Forever has now begun]

“Tetsu...I definitely do not still love Bokuto.”

“Are you sure?” (Name)’s heart stuttered at the veiled pain in his voice. “How do you know?”

Tears began welling up in her eyes. “How could you ask me that?” She whispered. Kuroo shrugged, an arm covering his own eyes. “Tetsu, look at me.” He shook his head, squeezing his own eyes shut as he swallowed thickly. “Tetsu, please.”

Kuroo swallowed once more, lifting his arm off of his eyes to look at (Name) through blurry eyes. “Yes?”

“Don’t be like that.” Her lip jutted out into a soft frown. She rolls over, hovering over him. “Tetsurou Kuroo.” Kuroo flinched as she pronounced his full name. “Yes, I dated Bokuto before we started dating. Yes, Hikori is his son. But do you know what?”

“What?”

Tears escaped down her cheeks as she looked at her husband. “I have always been in love with you. You - you stupid, rooster-headed, ex-volleyball captain, chemist nerd, you. You were always my go-to, my day one.” One of her hands cupped her face. “You’re the reason why I know what love feels like,” she mumbles under her breath, eyes searching his. “And I wouldn’t throw that away for anything. I am sorry it took me so long to realize this.”

[Just close your eyes, each loving day. And know this feeling won’t go away]

“I don’t know how you do it.”

She hummed, “do what love?”

They slowly spin under the lights that shone brightly only for them.

“Look more and more beautiful every day.” He brings her hand to his lips, pressing a dainty kiss onto her knuckles.

She chuckles. “The only reason I look beautiful is because I have you to love and care for me, Tetsu.”

[‘Til the day my life is through, This I promise you. This I promise you]

The sound of soft snores filled the room as Kuroo sat in his chair, rocking back and forth. He glanced over at his wife, who was sprawled out on the bed. Kuroo stifled a chuckle. She’d been exhausted the past few days, waking up at all hours in order to take care of their son. Kuroo had decided to use part of his paternity leave in order to come home and support (Name) better. He hummed a soft lullaby as he looked back at the bundle in his arms. Hikori was sound asleep, soft breaths causing his small chest to rise and fall. “You truly bring us an abundance of joy,” Kuroo whispered, placing a dainty kiss onto Hikori’s forehead. His other hand reached out, settling onto (Name)’s extended hand. She made a soft noise, her fingers gently grabbing onto Kuroo’s longer ones. His eyes settled softly on his wife. “I’ll always take care of you.” His grip tightened on Hikori. “Both of you.”

[Over and over I thought. When I hear you call]

Warmth spread through his body as he looked down at his angelic wife. “Y’know, I still can’t believe this has happened,” Kuroo admitted. “These past four or so years have honestly felt like a dream.

“Is that so?” (Name) hummed. “So you used to dream about us ending up together, roosterhead?”

“Oh only every day,” Kuroo replied, nodding solemnly. They both chuckled.

“I’m glad it was you.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m glad that it was you who found my heart, Tetsu.” (Name) explained, glassy eyes peering into his hazel eyes. His heart lurched as he swallowed his own tears. “And that you were patient enough to wait for me.”

[WIthout you in my life, baby. I just wouldn’t be living at all]

“Is that it?” Kenma asked, fixing Kuroo with a hard stare. “After all these years, you’re not even going to try?”

Kuroo looked up at his best friend with an exasperated look. “What do you mean, Kenma? What else could I do?”

“You could confess!” Kuroo flinched, opening his mouth to respond only to get cut off again. “You’ve been in love with (Name) for so many years now, and you’re just going to let that owl-head steal her away from you?”

“Yes I will! If that’s what she wants and what will make her happier, then I will.”

“How do you know what she wants? You never even gave her a chance to know her options.”

Kuroo shook his head. “I don’t want to put her in a weird spot or make her uncomfortable.”

“So you’d rather lose her?”

“I’d rather be in her life as her best friend than to put our friendship at risk.”

“Do you really think (Name) would throw you out if she rejects you?” Kenma’s expression softened slightly. “We both know that would never happen.”

Kuroo gave Kenma a pained expression, words strangling him as he forced them out. “I love her. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her Kenma. But her happiness will always come first for me.”

[And I will take you in my arms, and hold you right where you belong.]

“I love you (Name). Have for a really, really long time,” Kuroo chuckled. “I’m just glad that you could find it in your heart to love me back.” His grip tightened on her hip, pulling her closer.

They spun slowly. The golden light sparkled off of the jewelry she wore. “It was always there,” she admitted finally, squeezing his arm. “I always knew that I loved you. I just never anticipated it to be like this.”

[Til the day my life is through, This I promise you. Just close your eyes, each loving day. And know this feeling won’t go away.]

“Happy one year anniversary baby.” Kuroo whispered against her lips as he cupped her cheeks.

“I can’t believe it’s already been a year,” (Name) smiled, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of the cool metal ring on Kuroo’s hand. She raised her hands, slotting her fingers with his.

“Thank god Hiki’s with Aya,” he grinned.

“And why’s that?” (Name) teased, pulling back. “Tired of having to share me?”

Kuroo scooped her up in her arms, causing her to squeal. “Absolutely,” he replied. “I’ve been waiting to have you to myself all these years. Excuse me for not wanting to share you with our son.” He tosses her onto the bed, climbing on top of her with a cheeky smirk, peppering kisses all over her face. “God I love you so much.”

“You’re such a cheeseball, roosterhead,” (Name) chided as her eyes sparkled with amusement. She rolled him over, pinning his hands above his head as she started to decorate him with her own kisses.

“Yes, but I’m your cheeseball~!”

“Apparently so.”

“For now and always,” Kuroo teased, hazel eyes sparkling with affection.

“Maybe just for now,” she winked. He flipped them once more, eyes glinting with mischief now.

“I guess I’ll just have to re-convince you on the ‘forever’ part,” he purred. She squealed as he pounced.

[Every word I say is true, This I promise you]

“I already said it during our vows all those years ago,” Kuroo began, pulling back to look (Name) directly in the eyes. “I promise that no matter what happens, I will remain by your side. I will take care of you, to catch you when you stumble, and share each and every day with you.” He kissed her knuckles before holding that hand close to his chest. “I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“As long as that’s for now and forever, that works out for me.” (Name)’s eyes fluttered shut, pressing her forehead against Kuroo’s.

“You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life, love,” Kuroo whispered to her.

****

As the final few notes of the song plays, Kuroo gently pulls back, tilting her chin up and capturing her lips with his. They come apart, Kuroo whispering something against her lips before they kiss again. Cheers and coos fill the air. The bridesmaids had tears streaming down their faces as they watched their best friend find her happy ending. The groomsmen had red faces, some even had redness around their eyes as they hid their own tears. The mothers of the happy couple were dabbing their cheeks with handkerchiefs, blowing their noses noisily. The fathers drank flutes of champagne as they toasted to the couples’ happiness.

Kuroo and (Name) stepped apart, her cheeks flushed red. They went back to the head table, rejoining their bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was approaching the table.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, averting his eyes. “May I have this dance?”

She looked up to him, offering him a soft smile as she placed her hand in his. “Of course.” They both glanced at Kuroo, who gave a gentle smile to her and nodded in Bokuto’s direction. With Kuroo’s permission, Bokuto escorts her to the dance-floor, making his way to the center of the floor. By now, other couples were also dancing with their partners. In the corner of his eye, Bokuto spots Hikori dancing with Aiko.

[You’re in my arms and all the world is calm]

As they stepped under the lights, the world faded. Her arms snaked around his neck, fingers linking as his hands found purchase on her hips.

[The music playing on for only two. So close together, and when I’m with you, so close to feeling alive]

“You look beautiful.” He murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Golden pools bathed her in an ethereal light. Her cheeks glowed as her eyes sparkled. She looked like an angel stepping out in her white dress. (Name) was absolutely radiating.

“Thank you Kou,” she smiled. His heart ached at the familiar sight. Just for this moment, he knew that her smile was just for him. Just like before. His grip tightened on her, pulling her closer.

[A life goes by, Romantic dreams must die. So I bid my goodbye, and never knew.]

“Hello?”

“Hey baby! I missed you!”

(Name) giggled over the phone. “I’ve missed you too, Kou. How’s training?”

Bokuto collapsed onto his bed, running a hand through his hair. “Pretty rough,” he sighed, rolling his shoulder. His muscles ached from the rigorous training. “The guys are all so good, it’s been really hard to keep up.”

He could hear the shuffling of sheets on her end. “You’ve got this, Kou. I believe in you.” Bokuto’s eyes fluttered shut. “They wouldn’t have invited you if they didn’t think you would do well.”

Bokuto hummed. “How are things with you?”

“Good, I’m almost finished with my classes.” He could just hear the smile in her voice now. His heart skipped a beat. “Soon, I’ll officially be a recreational therapist,” she declared happily.

Bokuto forced a smile on his face. “I’m so happy for you baby.” He was happy. He was happy for her. But he hated how he was doing. How difficult it was for him to do well during his conditioning. How could he make (Name) proud if he couldn’t even succeed at this opportunity she gave him? “I’m actually really tired, I’m going to sleep now.”

“Oh, now?” The disappointed tone in her voice almost convinced him to stay on call longer, but he shook his head.

“Yeah, gotta be up early tomorrow for more conditioning.”

“Right, you must be exhausted. Get some rest, Kou. Good night, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Bokuto stared at his phone a moment longer as the call ended before he threw it onto his nightstand. Tomorrow, he’d be better. Tomorrow, he’d make her proud. He wouldn’t call her until he could prove to himself and to her that leaving her over three hundred miles away was worth it. His pride wouldn’t allow him otherwise.

Unfortunately, that would be the last time he heard her voice on the phone.

[So close, was waiting. Waiting here with you, and now, forever, I know.]

They slowly spun in a circle. She blinked up at him with soft doe eyes through eyelashes lengthened with mascara and falsies. “Thank you for coming. I know it must have been difficult.”

Bokuto shrugged, squeezing her tighter. “I promised you forever, didn’t I?” His throat tightened.

She let out a breathy laugh. “You did.” (Name) leaned forward, putting her head on his shoulder as she let Bokuto rock their bodies side to side.

[All that I wanted, to hold you so close]

“(Nickname)!” The ringing of his voice was the only warning that she got before a muscular body slammed into her. She let out a wheeze as her soul left her body.

“Kou!” She choked, slapping his back. Bokuto’s booming laugh filled the gym as he spun her round and round until they both felt dizzy. He placed her feet gently back onto the ground, arms still wound tightly around her. “Ooh, don’t do that, I feel sick,” she groaned, swaying in his arms. (Name) squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing as she attempted to recalibrate. Getting injured on their first day of training camp, year two, would not be fun.

“Don’t worry, I’m here for you!” Of course, Bokuto immediately collapsed onto the floor due to his own dizziness, pinning her underneath him.

“Someone’s excited to see me,” she teased, patting his shoulder affectionately. “Now get off me, ya lug. You’re squishing me!”

Bokuto rolled over, letting her lay on his chest as he nuzzled her hair. “Is this better?”

Heat surged up to her cheeks as she quickly averted her eyes. “S-sure.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Kou.”

[So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one’s not pretend.]

“One of these days, I’m going to marry you, y’know?"

“Is that so?”

One of his hands brushed through her hair as the other played with her fingers as they laid in their shared bed. It was a few days after they’d moved in together. “Of course, you’re the love of my life, (Nickname). I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”

She giggled, slotting her fingers in his and giving them a squeeze. “I love you, Kou.”

“I love you too. You’re it for me. You’re the endgame for me.” (Name) tilted her face up. Bokuto leaned down, capturing her lips with us. Their lips slotted together so perfectly. As he pulled back, he couldn’t stop the grin that overtook his features. “Yep, definitely my endgame.”

[And now you’re beside me, and look how far we’ve come.]

“And then, Kuroo ended up tripping and spilling his tea all over me.” (Name) giggled, brushing her hair back with her free hand. She was swinging their intertwined hands as they walked home from their date. It was the summer before their first year of college.

Bokuto planted his feet, chewing on his lip as he steeled his nerves. “(Name)?” At the sound of his voice, she paused, turning to look at her boyfriend.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Her eyes widened. “You what?”

“I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I met you our first year of high-school.” Shock faded from her features only to be overcome with joy. “Oh no, why are you crying?” Bokuto panicked, reaching for her face.

His hand caressed her cheek, wiping away the tears. “I love you too, dummy.”

[So far we are, so close]

They spun slightly, swaying to the music. Bokuto pressed his forehead against hers, breathing in her sweet perfume.

His eyes fluttered shut, pretending that this was all just for them.

That the golden band on her finger had been given by him.

That the spotlight shone brightly for what was once their love.

Where his son was raised by him instead of a stranger.

When she was his, and he was hers.

[Oh how could I face the faceless days, if I should lose you now]

A hand tapped on his shoulder, bringing him out of his stupor. “Mind if I cut in?”

Bokuto offered Kuroo a resigned, sorrowful smile, nodding as he stepped back. “Of course.” Bokuto gave (Name) one last smile. “Thank you.”

Both husband and wife gave him a smile.

His heart clenched.

[We’re so close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one’s not pretend.]

“Thank you, Kou.” Kuroo squeezed his shoulder, before taking his place. Kuroo’s arms snaked around her waist, pulling her impossibly close to him. She giggled, placing her head on his shoulder as Kuroo spun his wife away from Bokuto.

[Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are so close]

Feet pounded towards him as a small shape pounced on Bokuto. “Kou-san!” Bokuto turned, opening up his arms as Hikori jumped into his arms. “You and Mama looked so nice together!”

[So close, and still so far]

Bokuto glanced back at the married couple, Say You Won’t Let Go playing as they stayed for another dance. Away from their well-wishers off in a world of their own. A wistful look filled his expression.

“Whoa, careful babe!” Bokuto chuckled, a hand on (Name)’s waist. She giggled, throwing her arms around his neck.

“I wanna dance s’more!” She slurred, the smell of beer fanning across his face.

“You can barely stand,” Kuroo piped up beside her with Bokuto nodded firmly, their own cheeks tinted red from the alcohol.

“C’mon, I’ll take you home and we can dance there, ok?” He promised, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. Bokuto looks up at Kuroo. “We’ll see you later, okay?”

(Name) stumbled up, making grabby hands at Kuroo. “Bye Tetsu~! I’ll miss youuuu,” she said. Kuroo patted her cheek, a soft expression on his face.

“Take care of her, Bo.” Kuroo clapped Bokuto on the back before turning around and walking down the street towards his own apartment.

As they got into the taxi on their way home, (Name) was crawling all over Bokuto’s body. “Baby, don’t do that,” he chided, amused.

“I wanna cuddle,” she pouted.

He scooped her into his lap, nuzzling into her neck. “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too, Kou,” she mumbled, burying her face into his. “S’much. Wanna be with you forever.”

“Always, baby.”

Bokuto shook his head slightly, chuckling as he patted Hikori’s head affectionately. “You and Aiko did too, ‘Kori.”

“Do you think?” Hikori blinked up with matching golden pools.

“Definitely!” Bokuto smiled. “You should go give her something. Maybe go get her a cupcake?”

“That’s a great idea! Thank you, Kou-san.” With that, Hikori leapt out of Bokuto’s arms and went sprinting towards the dessert aisle.

Bokuto sighed, making his way back to his table. Akaashi sat there, sipping from a glass of wine beside Kenma who was avoiding the rowdiness of the Head Table. Kenma glanced up at Bokuto as he collapsed into his seat. “I think I’ll go get some dessert.” Kenma stood, nodding at Bokuto before making his way to the dessert table, intercepting Hikori who had a plate towered high with all types of sweets.

Kenma took the plate from the boy, pointing at his parents and whispering something to Hikori. Hikori nodded seriously, before running to Kuroo and (Name). Kuroo laughed, scooping Hikori up. Kuroo placed Hikori onto her shoulders. (Name) held onto Hikori’s thigh, the other holding Kuroo’s as they spun together, laughing joyfully.

“How are you feeling, Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto shrugged, pouring himself a new glass of wine and downing it. “I’m...happy for them.”

“But?”

He let out a soft chuckle, middle finger tracing the mouth of his glass. “But I really wish I hadn’t let her go.”

Akaashi squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto shrugged off Akaashi’s hand. “S’okay. It’s my own fault anyways.” They turned, watching as Kuroo dipped her slightly. She squealed as she fell into a fit of giggles, before Kuroo pulled her back up and pressed his lips to hers. Hikori was back in his father’s arms, making a face at his parents’ display of affection.

Bokuto turned back to his glass, filling it once more.

The microphone sounded out as the last song faded out. “May I have everyone’s attention?” Kuroo stood in the very front of the hall, (Name) standing beside him, Hikori in her arms.

“First of all, thank you to everyone for coming. It means a lot to (Name) and me that you were here for our wedding day, especially after four years of waiting for our special little man to join us.” The crowd laughed. Kuroo turned to face his wife, squeezing her hip. “Since you’re already all gathered here today, we do have a special announcement.” Kuroo looked down at his wife, hazel eyes sparkling with love and deep affection before he grinned at his son, pinching Hikori’s cheek. “Hikori, guess what?”

“What, Dad?”

“You’re going to be a big brother.”

The crowd erupted into noise. Some of the males hooted and hollered at Kuroo. Ladies gasped and shrieked in delight. (Name)’s mother burst into more tears. But to be fair, she hadn’t really stopped. She’d been crying since the vow renewal. And then was overwhelmed with another fit of tears during their first dance.

But for Bokuto?

The world froze. The noise faded into black as he stared blankly at the couple. He watched with unfocused eyes as she was surrounded by her bridesmaids. Her maid of honor, Aya, was tugging on (Name)’s arm and mutedly shouting over the empty noise. Kuroo’s groomsmen surrounded him, Yaku slapping a hand onto his back. Bokuto snapped out of his reverie as a small body collided with his.

“Kou-san!” Bokuto’s head jerked down, staring as Hikori tugged on his arm. “Did ya hear that?” Bokuto forced his face into a grin that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Akaashi sent him a sympathetic look, excusing himself.

“Yeah! You’re gonna be a big bro, little man.”

“Papa said I’m going to have a sister!” Hikori’s eyes sparkled with joy, beaming. Absentmindedly, Bokuto wondered if that’s what he looked like when he was happy. Hikori hesitated for a moment. “Do you think she’ll like me?”

His question snapped Bokuto out of his self-pity spiral. “Aw, ‘Kori, she’s gonna love ya!” Bokuto nuzzled his nose into Hikori’s cheeks, blowing air onto them.

Hikori squealed, squirming in his arms. “Stop it, Kou-san!”

Bokuto pulled back, beaming. “C’mon, let’s go get some more ice cream, okay?”

“Yes!” Hikori bounced up, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Bokuto finished another glass of wine, noticing Akaashi’s wince in the corner of his eyes before Bokuto went with Hikori to the dessert table.

Bokuto scanned the banquet hall. It was beautiful, to say the least. Kuroo and (Name) were well-established in their careers, and were able to go all-out on this dream-like wedding. Fairy lights hung in tulle curtains on all of the walls, and mini-chandeliers hung over each table. Blush pink, gold, and white flowers made the centerpieces with more fairy lights in the vases. Those were surrounded by candles floating in water-filled shot-glasses. Small plastic boxes with succulents propped on top sat at each seat, a tag with the seat’s name sticking out of it and macarons enclosed in the box.

Just like her first wedding, the room felt almost like a volleyball reunion. At one table, Iwaizumi was with Oikawa and the former Karasuno members. Bokuto and Hikori walked by as Iwaizumi was smacking the Argentinian player on the head for some ridiculous comment or another.

Nekoma’s alumni had their own table. Lev was sitting there arguing with Shibayama and Inuoka. Bokuto and Akaashi had been seated together, joined by Bokuto’s teammates from the MSBY Black Jackals. Konoha had been invited as a groomsmen since his wife was the Maid of Honor. At the moment, Bokuto’s team-mates were scattered throughout the hall. Some were mingling with other members of the Japan national team. He could vaguely spot Atsumu flirting with one of the bridesmaids at their table.

“Alright little man, what type of ice cream do you want?” They stopped in front of the ice cream stand that was near the dessert table. Bokuto scooped Hikori up into his arms so that he could peer down into the ice-box.

“Can I get chocolate and strawberry?”

“Of course!” Bokuto relayed the ice cream order to the lady working the stand, who smiled at Bokuto and Hikori.

“Your son is very cute,” she complimented, rolling her sleeves up to scoop up the chocolate.

Bokuto gave her a forced smile, the bitter taste of envy surging forward. “He’s not mine. He’s the bride’s.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She bowed, handing Bokuto the cup of ice cream, who handed it to Hikori. “Feel free to grab as many toppings as you’d like, ok?” She smiled, gesturing to the table beside her stand.

“Thank you!” Hikori bowed to her, before scrambling over to the tables.

Bokuto grinned at his son, before thanking the nice ice cream lady and following him. “Oh, Kou!” He turned, his smile freezing on his face.

“He-hey, (Name)!”

She smiled at him, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you so much for watching Hiki.” Bokuto’s eyes closed as he enjoyed her warmth, letting it seep through his body and settle into the gaping black hole of his heart. “I can’t imagine how much it means to you, and I’m so thankful that you’re in his life,” she whispered into his ear before pulling away. As soon as she did, he couldn’t help but lean in towards her, chasing the remnants of the sun like a child chasing after the sunset.

“I’m just glad that I could be a part of his life.” Bokuto forced his lips up higher. They stood side by side, watching together as their son came back with a tower of toppings on his ice cream. “Whoa, be careful or you’ll make a mess ‘Kori.”

“I will, Kou-san!”

“Let’s sit down so you don’t spill everywhere,” (Name) suggested, gesturing to the nearest empty table. Bokuto pulled out her chair for her, waiting for her to sit down before taking his seat. Hikori sat in between them.

“Shouldn’t you be greeting people and accepting congratulations?”

She snorted, kicking her heels off with a sigh of relief. “Kuroo can do that. My feet are aching.” (Name) sent him a bemused smile. “Guess that’s just what happens when you’re wearing heels all day while pregnant.”

Bokuto choked on air, before he focused his attention on Hikori who was eagerly scooping ice cream into his mouth. Bokuto grabbed one of the napkins, wiping the ice cream marks off of Hikori’s cheeks. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Thanks, Kou.”

Bokuto scanned the room, anxious for some words to fill the silence. “You look beautiful,” he blurted.

(Name) giggled, fiddling with her earring. “You said that already, Kou.”

“Mama does look beautiful, doesn’t she?” Hikori piped up, gazing with childlike awe between his mother and father. “Like an angel!”

“You’re right, ‘Kori. Your mother does look like an angel.” Bokuto ruffled Hikori’s hair.

(Name) sighed as she caught Kuroo gesturing for her to join him. He was currently being swarmed by her family members. “Alright you flirts, don’t make a mess okay? I need to go save my husband.” With a final wave, (Name) picked up her heels with her fingertips and sauntered over to Kuroo.

****

As (Name) and Kuroo said goodbye to their guests, they handed out small burlap bags to all the adults. Bokuto chuckled at them. “Hangover Kit” was emblazoned on the bags, joined with the Red Cross logo. Fitting for someone in the medical industry. Hikori and Aiko were handing out small bags of candies and toys to all the kids who were exiting, carefully supervised by Konoha. Aya was supervising the clean-up of the hall.

“Be good for Kou-san when we’re gone, okay, Hiki?”

“Yes, Mama!” Hikori kicked at the ground, pouting slightly. “Can’t I come?”

“Next time, Hiki, ok?” Kuroo squatted down, extending a hand to Hikori. “I promise you, we’ll take you on a special trip just us three before your sister comes, ok?”

Hikori linked his pinky with his father, nodding aggressively. “Ok!” Kuroo opened his arms, letting Hikori jump into them. “I love you, Papa!”

“Love you too, Hiki.” Kuroo rubbed Hikori’s back before placing him down and letting (Name) hug her son.

“I love you, Hiki. I promise, we’ll be home in a few days okay?” She bent down, peppering kisses all over his face.

“Bye Mama! I love you too.”

Hikori was released from his parents, backing up until he ran into Bokuto’s legs. Bokuto scooped him up. “Don’t worry, I’ll take real good care of him.”

“Thanks Kou.” (Name) kissed his cheek, hugging both of them. Bokuto savored the moment. “We’ll see you on Monday!”

“Let’s go love.” Kuroo opened the backseat door to Kenma’s car, who would be driving them to the airport. “Thanks Bokuto.” Kuroo nodded at the other male, before helping (Name) into the car. With one final wave, the couple were racing down the streets.

“I’ll miss them.”

Bokuto ruffled Hikori’s hair. “Me too.”

His heart screamed at him. To chase after her one more time. To hold her in his arms. They were so close. Words clawed at his throat, threatening to choke him as he swallowed back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.

I love you, (Name). I never stopped loving you. I was an idiot for ghosting you. An idiot for leaving you. Please, come back. I wanna raise our son with you.

I wish we could be parents together for Hikori.

I wish that I was taking you on our honeymoon.

I wish that you were pregnant with my daughter.

I wish we still lived together in that house we bought all those years ago.

I wish that you were still mine.

Please.

But Bokuto remained silent, watching as the car drove the love of his life further and further away from him. He looked down at his lockscreen. A photo of his red Japan national jersey stared back at him. It’s said that what you set as your lock-screen would end up being the most important thing to you.

At the end of the day, that was the choice he made.

Volleyball.

Not a future with the love of his life.

Not a future with kids.

Not a future with (Name).

*****

AN: And that’s a wrap y’all! How are we feeling? Is this what you expected? What was your favourite part about Lockscreens?

Please, spam my ask-box with your thoughts/comments/ideas. God I’m so emotional just posting this asdfghjkl

Since the series has officially wrapped up, feel free to ask for more supplements! I do have (2) more Lockscreens supplements to work on from the 600 follower event, but I’ll permanently be opening up supplements for Lockscreens on an “if I like it, I’ll write it” basis.

Taglist: @toaster-stick @thatartsybitch @brazil-hinata @sawamooora @anejuuuuoy @abby-rutledge20 @babybluebisexual @badboysdoitbetter2 @liathachcapricious @cosmiclunas @wishingforanother @setterfish @toobsessedsstuff @yeehawslap @shadowkunoichi @haikyuusimp91 @firebonbon @mentalydisturbed@samkysnks @dolan-mendes16 @loudpoetry23 @estmagnifique @milkteeboba @newfriendjen @sempiternal-amour @scrappyfka @ mayor-chu-of-many-towns @bokutosdivineass @yeahhemmings- @elianetsantana @strawhatshepard @caramel-chuuya @sol-demure @song-of-storms162 @rogueofbullshit @cheerysparkle @killlerqween @aomineavenue @fatal-impact @isleofnajera @safa-a07 @shoyomeow @vicassa @shrimpypenis @craftyfawns @london-quynh @katelyns-stuff @leinnah @yoitsseulgi @tazzi-baby @babyydragon21

I couldn’t tag names in bold.

Thank you again for going on this journey with me.

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oksana-moods · 3 years

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Ghost of you - Part 5

Summary: When your answers doesn’t fill in the blanks properly, the only option is to move forward. A/N: Two in a row, ‘cause I’m nice like that. Thanks for those who left comments and likes, reblogged and gave me any kind of support. You’re amazing! I mentioned that this would be slow burn, right? Trigger Warnings: Violence, language, mentions of death… If you find others, let me know.

“And all the things that you never ever told me.”

My encounter with Fury left me felling scarred and open. I knew a name; I knew who I used to be. I knew things about me, but they felt so foreign, like they belonged to someone else. Maybe, because it did. I wasn’t Lara, but was I Ghost? Later that night, I was assaulted with the woman’s… no, Carol’s crash, Carol going away scenes once again. My head was an utterly turmoil. It became obvious that my memory from Carol leaving, our brake-up, came after the accident and not in the sequence that Hydra played in my mind. Bastards. They led me to believe that I was useless. That all I was authorized to feel was void, emptiness. What did I feel, now? Besides this rage masquerade as fire, what was left to feel? What was permitted?

I looked at the door as soon as I heard the locks. Romanoff enters my accommodation and I get up, not too fast to not startle her. “Miss Romanoff, fancy seeing you here without bodyguards.” She glares at me. “Thought didn’t worth the effort to protect them.” She’s flashes me a tide smile. “It came to my attention that you’ve met Fury.” I nod. “So, how should I call you now?” She takes two steps closer and leans at the table. “Lara? Or do you still prefer Ghost? I shrug “All of them makes me uneasy. None of them seem to fit.” “Hm. Maverick then.” “I never said that this one was good either.” “Well, we need to call you somehow.” A grin is scaping her lips. “We?” I blinked and she was looking at me from the door frame. “Come. I’m afraid that you’re starting to rust.”

Agent Romanoff didn’t want revenge, but she definitely wanted payback. And God, that woman is almost too fast for me to keep up. Almost. After being in my accommodation for so long, I was indeed a bit rusted. However, my muscles loved the exercise, and it did wonders to my brain. Fighting against such good opponent kept me focused on our spar. First time in days that I stop to think and overthink about my misery. Romanoff came with one of those Widow’s combos that I menage to dodge and block a few, but one kick reached my shoulder while her elbow found my temples.

All of a sudden, I’m standing in a bar. My mind’s eye was caught in something like a foggy screen and oh my, is this a memory? I had a drink in my hand while the other one was resting in a sling. I was feeling like shit, so much sorrow coursing through me, all I could… I feel a slap in my good shoulder. I look up to see a tall man offering me a pool cue. ‘Come, the winner gets free beers.’ I look at my drink while I say. ‘Thanks, I’m good. I’m not in the mood.’ He nudges me. What part of mood, he didn’t catch? He speaks. ‘Oh c’mon, Mav. Danvers’s accident is tragic and all, but c’mon… or are you just sad about your injured arm?’ Fire starts to spread throughout my chest. ‘Excuse me?’ He leans in the counter. ‘Look, all I’m saying is that you guys weren’t even friends, none of us were. She was too cocky. Guess Miss goody two shoes couldn’t even drive a car, let alone fly a jet.’ The fire was consuming, was bursting out of me until it reached its peak. Complete forgetting about the sling, my hand moved to the back of his head so, so fast. Next thing I knew, I was knocking his head in the counter. He looks up with his nose covered in blood. ‘Bitch!’ He charged at me. He knocked me down and my head hit the floor, but I needed to put this fire out, I wouldn’t stop now, I needed to vent my rage. I failed in protecting her from dying, but I sure won’t fail in protecting her memory from this scum. After exchanging punches and kicks, I held him in a chokehold. ‘Never, and I do mean never talk about her like this, Specht.’ I looked up to see an audience. ‘I’ll kill anyone of you who dares to speak of her.’ I let go of him and left the bar. When reality finds me again, the first thing to reach my ears is Romanoff’s voice. “Maverick, are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m good. Why?” She scoffs. “I hit your head and then you stop fighting, kept looking nowhere, like in a trance.” “Oh. I… I’m sorry.” Her voice is softer when she speaks again. “What happened? Do you need me to call, Bruce or Dr. Cho?” “What? No, no. I’m fine. It’s just… I had a vision, I don’t know.” I rub my temples to ease the pain in my head. “I think that I saw a memory, after you hit me, in a moment I was here sparing with you and the next I was in a bar having a bar fight with a man.” “You were a fighter even before, huh?” She joked and I shrugged. “Are this visions or memories assaults a common thing?” I frown trying to make it simpler. “I’ve never had another memory except being left behind and the Crash in a loop. Guess I’m just confused. Do I need specific triggers to remember things or is this my brain fighting Hydra’s brainwashing?” She gives me a look that I can’t decipher. “I’m sorry all of this happened to you. Let us help you.” “Help? With what? Will you guys erase my memory again?” “How long will take for you to start to trust us? We won’t hurt you.” Trust? Her question caught me off guard. How can I trust, when I don’t know what trust is? “I want to believe in you but all that I know is Hydra. Guess I’m afraid of this being just smoke and mirrors.” Her brows were so furrowed that probably hurts. “It’s not. And I’m here to help.” I narrow my eyes at her “Why are you being nice to me?” I open my arms to show the sparing room “Bringing me here, offering help… I’m the enemy, Miss Romanoff.” She shakes her head. “No. You were a victim who were weaponized, yes. Nothing, but another casualty.” I’m still not convinced, and she knows. “Look, Fury trusts you and I trust Fury. Remember all those Hydra’s bases and facilities that you gave us?” I nodded. “We paid a visit to a few of them, the intel you gave us matched so far.” “Does this mean you’ll let me go?” I asked. “Do you really think that you would be safe out there?” Her green orbs are boring into mine. I sign, looking away. “Stark’s Tower is one of the safest buildings in this world.” “Then, what are we?” What am I, prisoner with benefits? A smirk makes its way to her lips. “The enemy of my enemy…”

Surprisingly enough, Romanoff led me to the tower’s kitchen and offered me a sandwich for lunch. I’m a bit uneasy with this interaction, don’t know how to act, don’t know what to expect. I take my surroundings to mentally calculate an escape route, she knows the place, but I believe that I could fight with her if she tries to kill me with a butterknife. She doesn’t try to make small talk and I’m glad. To fight, survive and punishments are the only interactions that I’m used to. I don’t know how to function in a normal life, if that exists.

I recognize a newcomer, Captain America in all his glory. Romanoff puts a plate in front of me while speaks. “Hi, Cap. Joining us for lunch?” “What is she doing here, Natasha?” “Everything she told us matched so far, Fury trusts her. Since she’s helping us against Hydra, I’m willing to give her the benefit of doubt.” “If Black Widow is willing to trust you...” He offered his hand for me to shake. “I’m Steve Rogers. Captain America if you will.” I took his hand in mine. “It’s a pleasure, Sir. I’m… hm.” I let go of his hand, suddenly I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. “I don’t know how to introduce myself.” A humorless smile grace my lips. “Guess Hydra never taught me that part.” “I think we should call her by her call sign. Maverick.” Widow supplies With a shrug, Rogers says. “It’s catchy. And if I called you Major, you’d outrank me.” He whispers the last part “I wouldn’t like that; Tony could use you against me.” The Redhead sitting next to me let out a heartly laugh which is soon joined by Rogers’s and I’m mesmerized. So, this is how people function in daily basis. I always wondered if being caged in a dark room waiting to be called for missions was only my reality or everyone’s. Guess that seeing them here, so relaxed having a meal in a wide kitchen with a meaningless conversation was answer enough. I’m amazed how light, how comfortable they seemed to be with each other. I wonder…

“Mav?” I’m brought out of my reverie by Romanoff’s voice. “Sorry, what?” “I said that your intel about anti-aircraft weapons were crucial to help us reach Hydra’s bases unscathed” Rogers says. “Didn’t thought they would have so many.” “As I told miss Romanoff before, everyone was paranoid. Even with all the guns, defenses, and secret locations. Nothing could ease their fear. Now I know that they were afraid of you.” I chewed a bit. “Have you guys closed all the ones I gave you, already?” “Not yet. We’re looking for something. So, we’re choosing our targets according with your intel and ours.” I looked at him. “What are you looking for?” This was a sensitive subject, if his subtle shift was any indication. He was uneasy to share this with me. Couldn’t blame him, though, I was still enemy. An acquaintance enemy, but still. “It’s a high-tech device. Extremely dangerous, especially in their hands.” I didn’t miss the way he chose the word ‘their’ indicating that I wasn’t part of ‘them’ and I appreciated the gesture. This device tough… “There is a lot of facilities build for experiments. Those were the ones always exchanging data, research, personnel…” I was deep in thought. “But there was this one in Sokovia. They were always asking for more subjects, or volunteers as they called.” I wet my lips. “I was ordered to be the stealthier that I could, my hole unit stayed there. I was the only one to come back.” I looked up to him. “Have you guys tried that one, yet?” “Sokovia?” He repeated. “No, there’s little to none about Sokovia in our files. Isn’t an old building with ancient, abandoned equipment and vehicles?” “There’s nothing old and abandoned in Sokovia, mister Rogers.” I rest my fork in my empty plate. “On the contrary, they are the busiest. They’re just keeping an incredible low profile.” He turns to Romanoff. “Nat, contact the team. We’re going on a trip.” “Don’t forget your jacket.”

---------------

Apparently, Sokovia was a huge success with a very big H, because I was invited to a party, by Tony Stark himself. Now, my dilemma was increased, if I didn’t know how to act in a simple conversation. How do they expect me to function in a party, with their friends and a lot of them knows who I am. Plus, I’ve never been in a party. This is bound to be a disaster.

Yep. I was right. There was a crazy robot giving a speech about Avengers being nothing more than killers. Then, all hell broke loose. I’m fighting killer robots in a fancy party room. Without thinking, miss Hill handled me a gun. Guess that ‘the enemy of my enemy’ is really a thing around here. In the end, my metal arm did more damage. As soon as Thor’s hammer crashed the last robot, the party was over.

#cap marvel #captain marvel #carol danvers #carol danvers x original character #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x fem!reader #captain marvel x reader #age of ultron #ghost of you #infinity stones #natasha romanoff #Ghost #original female character #original character #marvel fanfic series #marvel x reader

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strawberry1212 · 3 years

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Kdrama Sexist/Toxic Male Lead Tropes

(originally made this post as part of another post about Run On but it got to be so long I just thought I’d made this list it’s own post)

-Possessive and easily jealous, and this is often played off as romantic. For a large portion of kdrama watchers who are younger, and for the majority of us who aren’t chased all the time by hot men, this toxic trait can easily be sold to us as an exciting and flattering trait. But this is in fact not respectful of the female lead’s autonomy. I enjoy the little humorous jealousy moments, (I am reminded of Crash Landing on You) but too often this leads to the classic “two male leads each grab the innocently wide eyed female lead and glare at each other” trope. Women are not ropes to play tug of war with! If jealousy over the instances like the girl simply having a conversation with another guy rupture into real problems in the relationship it is not romantic, but possessiveness is often mistakenly portrayed as an expression of love, when really possessiveness is just that: possessiveness over an object.

-Uses violence to solve problems. This is another thing that can be easily seen as flattering--someone is willing to go to great lengths to protect you/defend your honor/whatever the reason is for the male lead to use violence. This trope was deconstructed in the American movie 500 Days of Summer, where the male lead punches a guy “to defend the honor” of the female lead, but she when she is upset and embarrassed at the situation, he gets angry at her for not being excited over his violent sacrifice.

-The typical “tsundere” narrative of abusive language, but paired with romantic gestures, usually the Grand Romantic Gesture trope. I see this all the time, where the guy berates the girl, sometimes to point of just full on bullying, but then he throws his jacket at her when she’s cold, holds the umbrella over her while he gets wet, etc., In other words he may be verbally abusive but it doesn’t matter because he Truly Loves her. And that she should accept that and understand that about him and not expect him to be polite and respectful.

-He treats everyone but the female lead like trash. Well...he often treats the female lead like trash at first too, but this quality is also marketed as flattering. He treats everyone badly but you’re different! In reality this is super toxic. In fact, it is essential that a person treats *everyone* with decency if they are to meet the baseline requirements of being a person capable of giving and receiving love in a healthy relationship.

-He chases her one sidedly. Oftentimes he chases her even when she rejects him, which shows that dominating, male persistence is a behavior to be rewarded. Again, this is a fantasy easily marketable when many of us aren’t chased around by hot men. It is flattering for a person to be so interested in us that they are incredibly persistent, but this fantasy had very unhealthy, and even harmful real life connotations. There is a very important line between friendliness/respectful attention/flirting, and creepy and domineering. I think it is also equally important to note that in this toxic trope, it is important to teach both men and women that no means no and yes means yes. Not that you can’t have playful/teasing banter, but playing hard to get when you really want to be gotten, is an unhealthy coping mechanism for cowardice in relationships.

I think for this one as with other tropes on this list, it appeals to our childish, insecure, and relationship-immature side of ourselves that would rather have everything fall into place than be honest, vulnerable, and have agency in our romantic interactions. What I mean is, the fantasy of a hot male lead persistently pursuing us after a destiny meet cute is a fantasy where we don’t ever have to put ourselves out there. Where don’t have to consciously try to meet new people, express interest in others, set boundaries, i.e. do the hard work of negotiating our place within other people’s lives.

The hallmark of a bad drama for me is when the give and take between the male and female lead is: the female lead has to put up with the meanness and constant mistakes of the male lead as he hurts her (usually in tangent with the Noble Idiocy trope, where he breaks up with her and steps all over her “for her own good” for some bs reason), but in return she gets the Grand Romantic Gesture, and the male lead does most of the chasing. In a healthy relationship, there aren’t constant hurtful arguments, and both do an equal share of the “chasing,” or a better term would be meeting each other halfway in expressing interest in the other.

-Power imbalance. It really disturbs me how Kdramas fetishize power imbalances between male and female characters to create the helpless/incompetent/somehow indebted but also plucky/cheerful/abuse-taking female lead. This can manifest itself very overtly in the many Kdramas between CEOs and secretaries, which I still cannot believe are popular in 2021. Secretary Kim did a better spin on the usual trope--the secretary holds the power of being very good at her job, and therefore indispensable and respected in her own right, but it remains a mystery to me why these super narcissistic and childish CEOs are played off as “adorable manchilds” that always need a little soothing of their ego. But to return to the power imbalance, besides obvious power imbalances of wealth/power/etc., oftentimes the guy has supernatural powers, or by nature of his job has abilities that render him the “protector” in the relationship (My love from another star, descendants of the sun), or the girl is infantilized in some way to need to protection from the male lead (legend of the blue sea, she is a mermaid and therefore dependent on the male lead for guidance in the human world, bring it on ghost as well). I think these latter power imbalances are constructed into the setting of the story because more overt forms of power imbalances are frowned upon now, but they serve the same patriarchal purpose.

This power imbalance inevitably leads to the female lead putting up with some abuse from the male lead because she “needs” him for some other end, and him holding his power over as a way to keep her close. It fits very well into the enemies to lovers trope in this way, especially some contractual enemies to lovers, where due to the power imbalance he is able to exploit/use her in some way, and keeps her close, and she hates him but has to put up with it for her own survival in some way, but they slowly fall in love. It’s super toxic and not at all romantic because they didn’t choose each other at all, they just were pushed together by circumstance, but again it buys into our fantasy of falling in love due to circumstance, rather than our own agency.

-Overly protective (OP) vs respectfully supportive. (RS) Essentially I can divide Kdramas into these two categories, OP and RS. OP romances can commonly be found in love triangles (where jealousy flourishes) and high school romances (where characters usually have less of a personality lol), and RS relationships are more common in working adult romances, where each character is pursuing their career/dreams and they support each other in those dreams. OP relationships infantilize the female character, render her as just an object in need of saving, and power dynamic between the leads is usually he constantly needs to save her, and in return she “softens”/“heals” him which, under deeper analysis, reveals itself to be quite an insidious and harmful stereotype, the kind of psychology that keeps women in domestic violence relationships. RS relationships are also better in that the leads have something going on outside of their romance, and are motivated beyond just ending up together. My favorite of RS relationships are Miss Hammurabi (two judges that work together to confront injustices in the judicial system), Run On (two leads from v different career fields, but they take interest and support each other throughout career ups and downs), and Hello My Twenties (probably my favorite example of an RS male lead--Sungmin supports Song as she uncovers her past traumas and stands up to an abuser, but does so following her lead and not doing her work for her, but rather simply staying by her side supportively).

Conclusion

This is not all the toxicity in the kdrama world--this is just what I can come up with off the top of my head as my least favorite tropes that disempower women and glorify toxic men and toxic relationships. And of course this is not a problem unique to Korea, and is by no means a condemnation of Korean culture, etc., but I simply happen to enjoy the aesthetics and innocence (compared to American shows haha) of Kdramas, so that is the entertainment world I am familiar with, and feel able to comment on.

#miss hammurabi #run on kdrama #jtbc run on #hello my twenties #feminism #kdrama #kdramas

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danteinthedevildom · 3 years

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A Royal Pajama Party “Analysis” - Part 4 (of 7)

We’ll skip over the Jenga scene for now; there’s nothing I really want to add on from it, and typing up another post is going to kill me. Instead, we’re going straight to the next activity - and a fairly major split between choices.

This Devilgram is absolutely spoilt for choice when it comes (ironically) to choices - and each one brings about something new to learn. You can consider some of these latter parts joined up, then; I’ve just grouped together different route options for sake of reading.

Of course, we’re deep into the Devilgram now, so all territory covered is locked behind Story Keys! This is your cursory spoiler warning.

Here we begin, back to our regular schedule of Diavolo angst.

There’s a potential you thought “watching a movie together” was bad enough to write on a list of things Diavolo’s never experienced before, and wants to share in this rare moment of time he’s managed to attain alone with you. Perhaps you even thought “playing Jenga” was worse.

Neither of those activities, however, have anything on the concept that Diavolo actually, genuinely wrote down, on his list of things he’s always wanted to do with you, “lazing around, doing nothing at all”.

This is, I think, the biggest indicator that he’s just... never had an actual, genuine, casual friendship before. He’s never had someone willing to spend time with him doing nothing.

Which - well. We already knew that. He’s told us before (as I mentioned in part 1) that he genuinely struggles to remember he can just invite you over without having to trick you with “event planning”. He forgets you’re willing to be around him.

But there’s a difference between “oh, I forgot - you actually don’t mind spending time with me” and “I’ve decided that I want to schedule actual time to just do something so simple and basic, it usually happens when most people hang out, but I’ve never been able to experience it before and I think I’d enjoy that time with you more than anything.”

It hurts to realise most demons won’t spend time in his presence without reason, but it’s actively worse to realise this reaction means he cherishes the ability to do nothing with you. To just savour the fact that you’re there, you’ve stayed, and you really would be happy doing nothing at all. That someone can enjoy just being in his presence, nothing important going on, because they have nothing else to do but focus on him and they don’t mind.

It’s proof that he’s really enough. Proof that, despite how reluctant others may be to put up with him, you see something in him worth enjoying. He doesn’t need to take you out anywhere, or do anything special. He doesn’t need to make it perfect. He doesn’t need to awe and wow you to stay by his side.

He can just sit around, nothing planned, and you’ll stay.

The only times he’s been able to keep demons at his side, he’s had to tie them down with oaths and pleas. These demons have expressed annoyance, at times, when he’s tried to spend time with them - admittedly because they are busy demons, and they don’t quite enjoy the same things as Diavolo, but that doesn’t exactly make the rejection feel much better. So it’s very possible that Diavolo struggles to recognise his own self worth.

It’s very possible that he doesn’t think himself a good enough reason to enjoy a night in. Most friends can say - and often do - that they happily spend time together just hanging out. Talking, lounging around, relaxing, but not really doing much more than basking in the other’s company. Yet Diavolo can’t. Experience tells him “Diavolo’s company” isn’t enough to make someone stay.

That’s why it’s important to him to schedule this time in, despite how natural it should be. It’s not natural to him. It’s exceedingly rare, actually, and thus an activity he wants to enjoy when he has the opportunity for it.

But it’s also a reminder - proof - that at least to you, “Diavolo’s company” means something. That, to you, he means enough on his own to be worth spending time with.

Moreover, this time with you is likely dear to him due to how busy his usual schedule is. After all...

How much free time does a prince get?

How much time can he spend doing nothing, especially with you - someone so desired, people actively fight over your time and attention?

There is no better way to savour the fact he - for once - has all your time and attention, no pressing matters to attend to, than to do nothing. He can just sit there and enjoy you. No interruptions. No distractions. Nothing to fret over or worry about. Just the two of you, content in each other’s company. It’s a reassurance. A moment of, “wow, this is really real, isn’t it?”

More importantly, however, is the fact that it’s you. He’d love “nothing more. Together with you, that is...”

He doesn’t want to be on his own. That’s not the point of the activity. It’s not that he wants to do nothing, that he wants to just sit there and read or eat some fruit as if those things are significant on their own. He doesn’t just want free time because he’s busy and overworked and doing nothing is fun.

It’s specifically because you’re there. Because he’s not alone. Because these things he maybe does in his free time feel different when he’s doing them with you.

Of course, if you noticed, there’s two choices he gives you above: read, or eat fruit. I’ve gone for the reading option for this post series, as the fruit open mostly gives a romantic lead and not much development otherwise.

In this scene, Diavolo’s reading a book to you. It’s actually a single poem from an anthology he loves - from the Human World, once again.

(The Human World seems to mean a lot to Diavolo. It recurrs a lot. When he’s given the opportunity to pick something, it’s almost always media from the Human World. Whether this is because he hopes it’ll help you two bond over common ground or he just idealises the Human World, or maybe even a bit of both, is uncertain. Interesting, however, that it’s cropped up twice now; even more interesting that the only things he chooses that are Devildom-themed are games and food - things that don’t reflect human culture as much, unless you know more of the context behind them.)

The poem Diavolo reads is called “The Greatest of All.”

This poem is extremely significant for Diavolo. It’s a huge part of his characterisation in this chapter, and one of the more overt scenes at that - because he’s exceedingly clear that this poem didn’t make sense to him before. He makes it utterly transparent that something has changed - in him, in his life, in his understanding - to suddenly reveal the meaning to him.

And it’s all because of that final point.

“Only those beloved by their peers truly rule the earth.”

Diavolo’s a prince. He quite literally rules the Realm he was born in. As far as he’s aware, that’s all there is to ruling; be the monarch, and you’re there. It couldn’t possibly be more literal than that.

So what does that final line really mean, to a prince? What does it mean to someone who really is the literal definition of “ruling the earth”?

Almost nothing at all. It’s baffling. It’s nonsensical. How more truly could you rule than to physically be the demon in power?

Of course it would never click for him before.

He’s never been beloved before you.

It’s only recently that he’s understood the poem. Only recently has the Exchange Programme been in action, and only recently has he actually gotten closer to you - moreso in the much later Lessons.

Diavolo has spent much of his life in power, but completely alone. He’s had almost no connections, no friends, no love or intimate, personal attention; no-one he could say he understood like the back of his hand, who understood every aspect of him in turn.

He has power and wealth but he’s never truly ruled - not until someone who made him feel alive came into his life.

Because that’s the point of this poem. It’s not about wealth, or power, or bravery, or support - it’s about being loved.

You could have everything in the world, but you’d still be nothing compared to the person with little to their name expect the love of their friends.

Only someone who can say “I have friends who’ll stand beside me through thick and thin; who love me as much as I love them; who see the qualities in me even I didn’t know exist; who bring out the best in me and make me want to be better” is truly great. Only they can say that they have achieved the greatest potential in a fulfilling life.

Diavolo’s realised how empty his life was prior to you appearing in it. He’s realised just how little he had - how much he’s missed out on, how much he wasn’t getting from the other people he considers friends - and how much happier he is now you’re there. How much bigger he feels. How much stronger. How much greater.

You are the change that helped him make sense of the nonsensical. You, in befriending him, have utterly changed the way he exists; how he feels, how he experiences, how he thinks. You’ve brought to the table things he never would have considered before - things he never would have been able to consider, because he needed a friend to help eek them out of him; a friend he could love, and cherish, and whom loves and cherishes him just as much - and quite suddenly, he realises why having no-one limits a person no matter how much they own materially.

This poem is, very likely, the reason he understood how much you mean to him. At some point, he re-read it, reached that final line, and pictured you.

Which is an incredibly poetic way for Diavolo to show just how much you mean to him; how much you’ve improved every aspect of his life. Without having to say your name, or overtly connect you to the poem, it’s clear that it’s about you - that you’re the reason for his understanding.

Becase this poem means a lot to him, and you’re the person he wants to share it with; the one he wants to know he’s changed for.

Which perfectly leads us to this next part...

You’re his greatest person. He’s still dancing around it, but there’s really no-one else it can be - not with this description.

Diavolo has spent - if not his entire life, then a good portion of it, wondering who the most important person to him would be. There’s no way to quantify something like that - to know who’s the greatest person in your life, to find the perfect fit for a list of requirements - because everyone needs something different from the people around them. But what would that person look like for him? What would the most important person look like for a prince?

Someone as royal as he? Someone who supports him, bound to his service? Someone who has no choice but to help him in every way?

Or would it look like a human - a plain, simple, ordinary human - brave enough to tangle with demons and kind enough to befriend them, even when they don’t deserve it?

Someone willing to spend a night with him doing things others might find boring or rudimentary?

Someone who makes him feel like more than a title; like more than the “Prince of the Devildom”?

Someone who’s changed him - however many thousands of years old he is - in such a very short span of time?

When you think about it like that, really, it could only have ever been you.

+++

And thus concludes part 4! A middling one this time, I think; a bit long, but that final part was a little shorter than I had anticipated. Still, I hope you enjoyed it, and that it was easy enough to read!

Next post, we’ll be going over the concluding parts of the Devilgram - for the romantic route, at least. It’ll initially go over the scene that preceeds the choice between romantic and platonic, but then dive straight into the romantic aspect of the chapter.

So, if you’d like, please head over to part 5!

#obey me diavolo #obey me analysis #obey me

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rubix-writings · 3 years

Text

Punisher Pt. 6

Sixth part of Punisher. Not a super exciting chapter, but it’s important. This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, mentions of a fight and harassment

Things have drastically changed in the days following the bar fight. Instead of Jay avoiding me, I avoided Jay. Whenever he came to the bar to order drinks, I immediately went to tables to grab empties and refills. Or when he walked over to close a tab I would find something to clean in the back. I know what you’re thinking and yes, it is childish and the worst way to handle things, but right now I don’t know what else to do. Honestly, I can’t think straight right now. Everytime I try to think through all the possibilities of a potential relationship between Jay and I my irrational thinking kicks in and I end up with an outcome that couldn’t possibly be correct. I can tell that I’m hurting Jay, that he was hurt after he spoke to me and I froze instead of reciprocating any sort of feelings.

“Jo….Jo!.... Earth to Jo!”

“What, sorry?” I turn to Emily.

“Can I get a refill please?” I move to grab the wine bottle and refill her glass.

“You okay Jo? You seem a little out of it today,” Silvie interjects.

“A little?” Emilly scoffs as she sips her wine.

“Just tired, I’ve had a lot of late shifts,” it’s not a complete lie.

“You sure it doesn’t have to do with someone with a name that rhymes with Ray?” Emily jokes.

“Em, please not today,” my body is exhausted, it can’t handle trying to explain the situation further.

“You can talk to us, about anything,” Silvie reassures.

“Yeah, I know I joke about it, but we’re here for you,” Emily agrees. The girls get up from the stools and move to the table with Matt and Cruz. What is wrong with me? I just need to not think about him and eventually things will go back to before I met him. I didn’t always know Jay Halstead, and the world still turned.

“Hey Jo, can I get a beer?” Will asked. Of course, I really should look for a different job. I grab a beer from the fridge and pop to cap for Will.

“Here yah go Will.”

“Thanks, can I ask you something?”

“Um…” I stutter. “I guess it depends.”

“There’s this guy I know who likes this girl.” Will whispers. I glance back to the table he just came from, Natalie laughs as Maggie finishes telling a story. Ah, gotcha.

“Alright.” I stop wiping down the counter and lean on my forearms so we can speak in a whisper.

“The girl is great, everyone likes her. But, she’s just had a major life change and he doesn’t want to be ‘taking advantage’ so to speak. But people can see that she very obviously has feelings for him too. What do you think he should do? Since you are a female.”

“Is that the only criteria you have?”

“You are also a bartender.”

“Whatever. Has this ‘guy’ made his feelings known to her?”

“Yeah, it’s shamefully obvious.”

“Good, he’s going to have to be patient. Since she just went through a major life change, she’s probably scared and doesn’t want to hurt him in the process.”

“Okay, is there anything he can do to help?” I take a deep breath and think hard for a minute.

“I think the best thing he can do is to show her that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s willing to wait as long as she needs. Because there’s no telling how long that’ll be, so being reassured in that would help a lot,” Will nods and takes a sip of his beer.

“You see why I wanted a female bartender to talk about this with?” I roll my eyes. “Thanks Jo, really.” I smile at Will and go back to wiping down the counter.

“Hey! Hey guys! Listen up!” Mouch runs into the bar with Trudy in tow.

“Hey, hey! Listen to the man!” Hermann grabs everyone’s attention and Mouch nods in gratitude towards his best friend.

“Not everyone’s here…” Mouch looks around. It’s true, some of the firemen and Intelligence Unit - including Jay - are missing from the bar tonight.

“Oh my God,” Trudy groans, “We’re renewing our vows!” The bar immediately erupts into joyous screams to congratulate the couple. I haven’t seen Trudy smile this big before, her cheeks must be hurting. The couple are herded into a giant hug from their friends and coworkers despite the objections.

“Jo, get the champagne! We need to toast!” Hermann shouts and I start passing out champagne flutes. Once everyone has some champagne, Hermann stands on the ledge to make a speech. “These two lovebirds have stood the test of time not to mention life threatening events because of the love they share. I won’t get too sappy cause I don’t want Mouch to start crying, but the love you have is special. You can tell by the way you look at each other or the way you talk about each other. Not many people get to experience that, but I can’t think of two people who deserve it more. We’re excited to continue on this journey with you. Cheers!” Everyone yells out before taking a sip. The couple are bombarded with questions about the renewal and how they came to the conclusion.

Hermann’s words swirl around my head, I want to be loved like that. I’ve only experienced harsh, painful love. Love that isn’t really love, more like imprisonment.

****

The days leading up to the renewal were hectic, since Trudy enlisted my help early on. It wasn’t an ask either, she threw down some binders for food options and told me to pick what I think would be best. Of course I did as told, since Trudy scares the shit out of me, and ever since I’ve been her go-to girl. I would be lying if I said the entire planning process wasn’t fun, one day Trudy brought cake slices to the bar to test out.

Currently, I’m fulfilling my last duties - transforming the bar. It feels right that Mouch and Trudy settled on the bar, it only took Hermann offering it up multiple times a day. The bar is empty as everyone has shifts today so they could get tomorrow off. It took me about an hour to move all the tables and stools around to provide a walkway for the ceremony. Once that was done, I took a break to lay on the floor since I never workout, but probably should start. But quickly, I realized my time crunch since I needed to run back home to get ready. The rest didn’t take long. Hermann brought over all the ironed out tablecloths before his shift, so I put those on the tables and booth tables that were left over after moving stuff around. I just started filling up vases with water for the flower arrangements when there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was Trudy coming to take a quick peek I didn’t think to look through the peephole first.

“Hey, I have some stuff Trudy needed to be dropped off,” Jay spews out quickly. Stunned by Jay’s presence, I silently move out of the way so he can enter.

“How are you?” I force out.

“Good, ugh work’s been really hectic,” Jay puts the box of decorations on a covered table. “You?”

“Good. I somehow got roped into doing all this,” I move to look through the box. It’s filled with framed photos of Trudy and Mouch, including a photo from their wedding day.

“Look, Jo. I’m really sorry about stepping in. I just… the guy had it coming,” I laugh.

“He did. But I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. It’s not worth you losing your job.”

“I would love to be able to stand here and tell you it will never happen again because I know that’s what you want to hear. But my only regret from that night was not stepping in sooner. And if I lose my job from punching out a guy who harasses and assaults you then so be it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, I’ve wanted to tell you this sooner, but you’ve been avoiding me like the plague,” I cringe.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to go about everything afterwards so I just avoided it. I know I hurt you and I really am sorry.” Jay smirks and nods.

“I should let you get back to all of this,” he moves his hands gesturing to the pure chaos behind me. “I’ll see you later.” My hands begin to shake. Say it, now. Go! Everything starts moving in slow motion, I want to tell Jay that I care. That I care for him and what happens to him, and the feelings I have are so confusing it’s infuriating. But it’s as if I’ve gone mute and my throat is too dry to speak.

“Wait!” I call out as Jay’s hand encompasses the door knob. He looks back at me, his blue eyes only make it harder for me to speak.

“Yeah?” He questions as I stand there opening and closing my mouth trying to speak. He takes his hand off the door knob, and like magic my heart rate decreases and my vision finally begins to clear.

“I could use some help here, if you’re free,” I stutter out. He smiles and slips off his coat.

“Tell me where to start.”

Taglist: @whit85-blog @bestillmystuckyheart @nocturnalherb16 @5sos-imagine @miranda0102

#chicago fire imagine #chicago pd imagine #chicago one #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x oc

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jellysharkbat · 4 years

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I’m going to preface this with: I’m not a fan of call-out posts. I’m going to post on one topic in this post, and another topic in a different post. I put up a read more so you don’t all get slammed by a all of text. Because I like to think I’m polite like that. ;)

Adding a second preface: I’m probably going to reblog or like stuff from people you may not personally agree with. I’m liking and reblogging because I like the work, not because I’m in love with the creator. People still like John Lennon’s music and he beat women.

Anyways, here goes for anyone who wants to read.

Okay, as much as I hate confrontation and do my best to avoid it, I can’t let this one lay. It’s just unfair all so many levels. I’m going to focus on Cullen, since he’s one of my favorites, and I don’t know the other characters mentioned (and those not mentioned) as well.

My, like many others, blog is nsfw. It’s 18+. I’m going to assume that anyone who follows me is an adult. And I’m going to pretend that anyone who isn’t, doesn’t. I am going to post things that are violent in nature and- here’s the one everyone’s super focused on- sex. Because I’m an adult. If I want to read about sex, I will. If I want to write about sex, I will. Because I’m an adult. And there is nothing wrong with sex.

There have been some names named and shamed for portraying characters as “hypersexualized”.

I have one answer to that: so what?

It’s no big deal if Cullen is portrayed as virginal or a sex god. He is not real. I’m going to repeat that: Cullen Rutherford is fake. He is fictional. He does not exist. He, like everyone else, is a character from a video game. We love him, but he is not real. He doesn’t have thoughts of his own, he doesn’t have feelings, he doesn’t have a life. He is a work of fiction created by Bioware.

I’m going to say this one more time: Characters from Dragon Age are not real. Stop acting like they are real people.

The great thing about fandoms is that we can take a character we like, and do whatever we want with them. If we want to fix inconsistencies that the creators didn’t, we can. If we want to fill in the gaps about their lives, we can do that. If we want to pluck them out of their canonical universe and put them in a new one, we can do that. If we want to rewrite stuff about them, we can do that. We own that creativity.

One of the biggest reasons for this “outcry” is that Cullen Rutherford was sexually assaulted and/or raped.

As far as I am aware, there is no canonical evidence to support this claim. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

His sexual trauma is something we assumed happened. We imagine that a character from a video game was treated horribly. Is it likely that this happened? Sure. I think we can all agree that it’s probable that the desire demon did more than mess with his mind. The implication is there. But we can’t confirm it. We can’t look at something and point to it as hard-based evidence. Because there is none.

We made it up.

Just like Scout Jim, we created that trauma. We want that trauma to exist.

We created it, and we can take it away.

I’m also going to say this: even if canon supported our theory, it wouldn’t matter. As fanfic writers and artists, we can change whatever we want. We can portray Cullen Rutherford’s personality, and other characters, however we want. Because he’s not real.

But the sexual assault! What about that?

You mean the sexual assault that never happened in real life? Because he’s not a real person? It doesn’t matter.

Should we approach the subject of sexual assault with respect to those who survived it? Yes. Because that is a real, traumatic experience a real individual went through. And their experience in such an attack should be handled according to that person’s wishes.

Does that mean the moment a work of fiction which may or may not involve it, it needs to be treated like glass? No. Because it didn’t happen in real life. And since it’s a work of fiction, we as creators don’t always need to pay attention to it or make it true for every single universe that includes Cullen Rutherford.

Some people might want to portray it as real as possible, others might want to eliminate it completely. There’s nothing wrong with either choice.

I’m going to assume that a most people have never experience sexual assault and/or rape. Have some people been harassed? Unfortunately, yes. But it is not true of the vast majority of us, and harassment (while a violation in its own right) is not the same as someone physically putting their hands on you. Most of us have no idea what it is like to be assaulted or raped. None. Nothing we imagine will ever compare to the real thing. We don’t know what it’s like, and therefore we will never portray it accurately. And quite frankly, I can’t imagine anyone who would want to know. I’m happy to keep the bad portrayals because it means no actual crime happened.

Even if we did know, real people react differently. Rape survivors do not all behave one way. They do not act one way, all the time. How they respond to anything will depend on their situation, their experience, their current circumstance, their comfort. You can stick two people in a room, have those people be raped in the same exact manner, and put them in a new situation which may or may not force them to think about what happened to them. And they’ll respond differently. Because they are different people. Sometimes they want no sex, sometimes they want all the sex. And that changes day to day, like it does for many people.

To tell them that they can never act any other way is an insult to them and what they survived. You should be ashamed of implying or outright stating that. How dare you slap them in the face.

That, however, is a real person. As I said, Cullen is not real. He is written and portrayed again and again by many different people. He is always going to be different from one portrayal to the next compared to his canonical, in-game self. Are there extremes? Sure. But I dare you to show me a fandom where there aren’t extremes. And in the end, it doesn’t matter if those extremes exist.

No one is actually being hurt (unless you’re a sick mofo and like writing your irl crimes…). It’s fiction. Fake. Not. Real.

If I want to write something about Cullen being violently raped, I can. If I want to pretend he was never abused in any way, I can. If I want to imagine him being sexually crazed, I can. If I want to rip off an arm and make him a eunuch, I can.

Because it’s all fake.

The beauty of fiction is that we created ways so people aren’t surprised by stuff they may not want to see. We created filters. We created blacklists. We created tags. Did we have to? No. You don’t go to a library or a bookstore and expect to see tags or filters, do you? Because those things don’t exist for books. You would just pick up a book and accept whatever is written inside. We didn’t have to do that. But we did. Because we want people to be comfortable, and have fun.

If you don’t like the way someone is portraying how you think- ah. That bit is important. I’m going to repeat myself again: If you don’t like the way someone is portraying how you think they should, that is on you. You have the expectation of something. It is no one’s responsibility but your own to cater to that expectation.

People aren’t creating works involving characters like Cullen solely for your, individual pleasure. How arrogant for you to think so.We are creating many versions of a fictional person in hopes that someone else might like that version and will share their own. We should not go around pretending that only one version is the True Correct Version.

That’s the kind of shit religions do. They love purity crusades.And that’s exactly what this seems to be to me. It’s not outrage because of how people portray a fictional character, it’s an outrage because some people don’t want to admit that they have a problem with other people freely enjoying sex.

You don’t own any of Bioware’s characters. You alone do not have the final say on what happens to a character outside of canonical information, or how that character should behave 100% of the time. And you have no right to harass people because they don’t have the same Vision you do.

If something like sexual assault was truly triggering for you, and not just something offensive to your delicate sensibilities, I’m going to say you probably wouldn’t search for it. You’d find ways to filter it out. And you would accept that if something does slip through, it’s no one’s fault. People can write or draw characters in whatever situation they want. You need to acknowledge that sometimes there will be something that you won’t like and if you still see it, because no one is obligated to do anything for you.

But we will, and we try. Because in general, the majority of us care. We want to have fun. We can adjust some things if asked. Nicely. Because a lot of us realize that not everyone is going to like the same thing. People are different and will have different tastes.

One more, final point: What someone writes or draws is not indicative of who they are as a person. I write and think about a lot of stuff. I’m a curious person. I want to be able to imagine what would happen in whatever scenario I create, good or bad. I have favorite characters. Because I like those characters, I like sticking them in the scenarios I create because I want to know how they would react. It doesn’t matter if it’s something soft and sweet or a rape roleplay. What that is has nothing to do with who I am. That goes for everyone else.

So let me tell you a little something about myself, since you have no other way of knowing if I don’t specifically tell you:

I am shy. I am quiet. I don’t like picking fights. I don’t speak eloquently. I am a pushover.

And sometimes- a lot of the time- I want my favorite fictional character Cullen Rutherford to act out a “hypersexualized” fantasy of mine.

#ngl #a little bit interested to see if I'll get a reasonable #actual adult answer to this #and not teenage hysteria #If you think differently #please tell me why #I like hearing other people's opinions #seriously #cullen rutherford #dragon age #you do realize that if you don't like something #you can ask for it to be tagged so you can blacklist it right?#this is very much a grow up and deal with it thing

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