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adulting-sucks · 2 years

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The Persuasion of Jake Jensen

Summary: This is a cross of The Losers AU with Marvel AU, the plot of Jane Austen’s novel, Persuasion, as my trope.

Jake Jensen was the love of your life until one day he just disappeared, no words, no call, no explanation. What happens when you run into him ten years later?

Jake Jensen x Female Reader; Steve Rogers/Brat/Wanda/Doc/Tony/Pooch/Cougar/Clay/Aisha/Colin Shea

Word count: Over 10k (sorry!)

Warnings: Slow burn; Smut (Fingers, PinV, Oral,) 18+ only please; angst: idiots in love; horrible friends; Colin Shea being Colin; fluff; smut (and not great smut at that)

As always: a huge thank you to @peyton-warren for always allowing me to brainstorm and get these words out, and for always being a second set of eyes for me! If you haven’t read her stuff, go check it out!

“Steve! Colin! Get your asses in here!” you screamed in frustration as you threw the last of your dresses in your closet into the floor. “This is all your fault anyway, you idiot meatballs!” You kicked the clothes on the floor in disgust and sat on your bed, hanging your head in defeat. You didn’t know why this was so hard, it’s not like you’d even seen nor spoken to these people in the last ten years, so why were you trying so hard? You knew he wasn’t going to be there, you had made sure of that before you RSVP'd.

Ten years. Ten long years since you’d even heard the name Jake Jensen. You tried not to think of him often, but you had never truly forgiven him for leaving you, no word, no call, no note. Even an email or text message would have worked, but you were left with no explanation, no closure, no idea what you’d even done wrong in the first place. You wiped the tears that had slipped out, promising not to shed any more.

“What do you-holy fucking tornado. What the fuck happneded in here?” Steve asked, an incredulous look crowding his features. Steve knew you were an absolute, over the top neat freak when it came to your clothes. “What are you doing?” he asked as he started to wade through every garment you owned.

Colin stood at the door stuffing his face with a giant sandwich from his favorite restaurant, which was nothing new. “You don’t even like these people, why are you trying so hard to impress them?” Colin asked, flecks of his food flying out from his mouth.

“Classy,” you groaned as you continued to look through all of your discarded clothes. “I cannot find anything to wear. Ugh, I just shouldn’t go. This is my sign. I don’t even like these fucking assholes!” You sat down and threw your hands up in defeat. You started crying harder, your nerves fried and your frustration palpable. You had never needed to impress anybody, never felt the need to be anyone other than your authentic self. No, that wasn’t the issue. You were more worried about seeing Pooch and Cougar. You knew Jensen was away and unable to attend, however you weren’t sure about the other two and wanted to look and feel your absolute best knowing the men would report back to their friend.

“Okay, take a deep breath, there is something in here for you,” Steve said as he started to wade through the blouses and jeans. Running an animal shelter and owning the cat and dog cafe connected to it, Baby Got Wags, didn’t leave much in the way of a wardrobe. T-shirts and jeans, sneakers and slides made up the majority of your closet space.

“I’m going to grab 6C, '' Colin said, turning to head towards the door and up towards his apartment. 6C was new to the building, but she was nice and sincere from the few times you’d spoken with her.

You met Colin the first day you moved into the building about six years ago, Colin immediately trying to sleep with you. You knew his type, and you knew he’d eventually get tired of the no’s and move along.

You and Colin became fast friends, hanging out, playing his Switch, watching his gigs. Eventually you had decided to start live music at the cafe to drum up some business and hired Colin to play two nights a week. He became your biggest draw, bringing in double the amount of patrons, so you and Colin decided to make this a four day a week gig. He got all of the pussy he could ever want or need, and he even found himself a three legged cat with absolutely no coordination named Kick Stand. You, on the other hand, got a booming cafe business, and were adopting out animals left and right.

Steve was different. Steve was the one they called The Man out of Time, and he was a superhero. You’d met one morning when he came into the cafe and sat for hours drawing everything he could. You weren’t sure why he was so sad, you didn’t even know who he was at that point, you just saw a lonely soul.

You and Steve talked for hours until he had to go to work. He came back a few weeks later, and eventually became your number one volunteer at the shelter. You didn’t know he was Captain America until about two months later, and to you, he was still just Steve Rogers. Oh, and you were absolutely in love with his girlfriend, the two of you becoming the best of friends as soon as he introduced the two of you.

“It’s pointless, Steve. I should just stay home,” you lamented, your voice shaking as the tears started to slow. “It’s not like anyone would even miss me.”

“Hey, come on. You know that isn’t true. Look at everything you’ve done,” Steve consoled, pulling you into a hug with one arm while texting his girlfriend an SOS with his free hand. Steve didn’t know how to help you because he was Steve, but also because you kept your true feelings hidden from the world. Steve knew there was a story, but it wasn’t his story to tell, but he was also in love with someone just like you who would know what to do.

“I hear we need some help in here!” Steve‘s girlfriend, affectionately known as Brat said. Behind her were Doc and Wanda, two more teammates of Steve’s and friends of yours.

“Steve was worried you may need some help, so we went shopping!” Doc explained as the three women brought in bag after bag, smiles all around at your look of gratitude.

“No more crying,” Wanda said as she pulled you to your feet, her accent somehow calming you. “I have the makeup and hair, Miss Brat over there has dresses galore for you!” Wanda turned and pushed Steve from the room, gagging when Brat kissed him first. “Go, we have this under control, Asshat.”

“I’m going to go see what’s taking Colin so long,” Steve said, relieved that he was no longer needed. He closed the door on his way out, his footsteps echoing through the empty building as he made his way up to find his friend.

“Okay, is this formal? Semi formal? What are we looking at here?” Brat asked as she combed through the dress selections she had on hand. Wanda stood next to her to see what makeup combination would work with your dress choice, and Doc was just along for the ride as she had plans later with her own lover man, Bucky Barnes, another teammate and also lifelong best friend to Steve.

“It’s formal, and I own nothing remotely considered formal,” you replied as you watched Brat. “Stop!” you said, causing Brat and Wanda to turn in surprise. “This is the dress,” you said, walking up to the other two women. The dress was sapphire blue with an empire waist and a halter neck, the bust lined with small crystals for embellishment.

“Perfect,” Brat said as she pulled it out. Wanda decided on a sleek updo with a more natural makeup palette. It took about two hours, but in the end, you barely recognized yourself. Especially with blue glitter lips, something you’d never have even imagined doing on your own.

“Everything okay in there?” Steve asked, stopping in front of your closed door.

“We’re fine, done actually,” Doc replied, watching you take one last twirl in the mirror. You almost felt like a little child playing dress up as you never really had the opportunity for formal dress events.

“Home by midnight and no strange men,” Steve said which earned him four sets of eye rolls and a pinch in the stomach from Brat. “No, but really, you look amazing. Eat your heart out, Losers.”

“We have another surprise for you,” Brat said as Wanda bounced from foot to foot in excitement. “We know how nervous you’ve been about tonight, and even thought we don’t know the entire story, we do know you’re awesome. So, in the spirit of you being awesome, Wanda and myself are going with you too!”

“All except me,” Steve said. “Somehow, I don’t think a hat and sunglasses would help me hide this time.”

“Where’s Colin, is he coming too?” you asked, excited for the first time regarding this reunion. You bumped fists with Wanda and Brat as you weren’t a hugger.

“Judging by the sounds coming out of 6C, I’d say Colin is not going,” Steve said with a roll of his eyes. He knew who Colin was so this was nothing new to him.

“Well, the two of you need to get ready so we can head out!” you exclaimed as you took one last look in the mirror. Eat your heart out, Losers.

“Already one step ahead,” Wanda said as she and Brat removed their coats, both women dressed to the nines. “Let’s go!”

Steve grabbed Brat and whispered something along the lines of trying this trick later with much less clothing. Brat smirked, dropped a kiss on his lips, and made her way out of your place.

“We also took the liberty of hiring a driver for the evening, all on Tony’s bill, of course,” Brat said as she opened the back door to scoot in. There was nothing she loved more than spending Tony Stark’s money causing his blood pressure to skyrocket. No matter how many times he canceled a card and got a new one, Brat always seemed to find it.

“Hey, you got this,” Steve said as he wrapped you in a hug. You may not like hugs, but Steve Rogers didn’t care. You leaned into him, finally relaxing a little.

“Thanks, Rogers.” You pulled away and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Now, go wait by 6C and yell at Colin for me once he’s finished!” you joked as Steve made a face. You knew nothing in this world could ever make him listen to Colin Shea having sex.

———————————————————————

Ten Years Ago

“You have to be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world,” Pooch said as he refilled his beer from the fresh pitcher. “You managed to snag a smart, motivated, hot, and insanely funny girl to touch your penis!” Cougar laughed, high fiving Pooch on his very astute observation.

“Ha ha ha,” Jake said, rolling his eyes. Jake Jensen was well aware of how out of his league you were, and he was just as confused as to what you saw in him. As long as you would have him, though, he was there for it all. He punched Pooch and stole Coug’s hat, a crime punishable by removal of said hand.

“I’m just saying, Jensen, if you ever lose her, it will be the biggest mistake of your life,” Pooch said. He looked over at Jolene and you playing pool, Jolene turning to smile and throw a wink at Pooch while you blew Jake a kiss.

“I know, trust me. That’s why I’m going to ask her to marry me after graduation at our party.” Jake pulled a small, green velvet box from his pocket and placed it in the middle of the table. Pooch snatched the box, opening it before one of you girls saw. Jake waited nervously for his friends' reactions.

“Jake, this is nice, man!” Pooch said as he passed the ring to Cougar. Nestled in the box was a sterling silver band with a small square cut emerald in the center surrounded by tiny diamonds around the stone and along the band. Cougar tipped his hat in agreement, never having been a man of many words.

“I know it isn’t much, the jeweler kept trying to upgrade everything on it, but this is just quintessentially Wormie,” Jake said with a soft smile on his face as he watched you. You were so different from other girls, nice and compassionate, not materialistic in the least, but what made him fall for you was the fact that you had absolutely no idea the power you held, your heart and soul completely pure.

“She is going to love it, man,” Pooch agreed. “We also need to work on that nickname though, Jensen. How the fuck do you get Wormie for this amazing woman? Jolene would castrate me if I called her that!” Pooch and Cougar fell over in a fit of laughter, tears running down their faces.

“It’s short for the Bookworm, dickheads. She always had her head in a book when I saw her, and the bookworm was just a mouthful. So we shortened it to Wormie,” Jensen explained as he ran a hand behind his neck. He knew people didn’t get him or his humor, but with you, it was always easy. While school was always so easy for Jensen, women and interactions with people were not, his shy and awkward nature often overshadowing his intelligence and humor. This was just another reason he loved you so much. You’d never made him feel inadequate or insecure. You always laughed at his jokes, paid attention to his stories, soothed his worries and fears, stroked his ego…and other appendages.

The men laughed knowing you were feeling pretty buzzed at the moment. School was done, you had all made it, and things were looking up as you went towards the future together, or so you foolishly thought.

‘Whatcha got cooking, good looking?” Jake retorted as he returned all of your kisses and then some. He pulled away, his glasses fogged and sitting askew on his face causing the table to break out in more laughter. Jolene sat on Pooch’s lap, gently nuzzling and kissing him while Cougar was busy with two undergrad twins. For someone who never talked, Cougar seemed to speak any language.

“What’s shaking, bacon?” you replied, nuzzling your nose against his. You were so deeply and hopelessly in love with this man, irrevocably even, and you couldn’t wait to start your lives together. You were going to travel all through Asia before coming back and playing house. “I love you, Nerd,” you said softly as you snuggled into the crook of his neck, his cologne overtaking all of your senses as you heard him murmur the sentiment back.

———————————————————————

Ten years had flown by like nothing, and here you were, awkwardly standing at the bar while your two best friends were the life of the party. You looked around again, simultaneously disappointed and relieved that you didn’t see Jake. You took another sip of your old fashioned, feeling just as out of place now as you did all those years ago.

Brat and Wanda were regaling a small crowd with stories of their latest mission as they’d been recognized by some as Avengers. You smiled as you heard Brat call her love Asshat because he’d pissed her off. Again. You knew their love story was one in a million, no matter how many times she threatened to kill Rogers.

“Still haven’t changed a bit, Bookworm,” you heard from behind you. You turned to see Pooch and Cougar, all smiles, and even though it had been ten years, they hadn’t aged one bit. You kissed each man on the cheek then hugged him, telling each how good it was to see him.

“Is Jolene here?” you asked Pooch, ordering another drink for yourself and two beers for the men. There just happened to be a lull in conversation at that moment , so you took the opportunity to introduce Pooch and Cougar to Brat and Wanda, the former saying hello and shaking hands, the latter hugging and kissing each woman.

“No, she’s up in the room with the baby,” Pooch said as he pulled out a picture of his little family, Jolene looking as radiant as ever, very pregnant and holding a toddler boy in her lap.

“Pooch, congratulations! Your family is beautiful!” you said, giving your old friend a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Cougar, is the bachelor brigade still running strong?” you asked, playfully punching him in the arm. He smiled and tipped his hat, the only confirmation you needed.

Conversation flowed easily, just as the drinks did, your group finding its way to a table. Brat, super soldier that she was, couldn’t get drunk, and was watching out for the group as the night continued, drinks flowing, stories flopping one over the other.

Wanda and Pooch had gone to get another round of drinks when you saw Cougar straighten up, sharing a glance with Brat. “Hey, I need to head to the bathroom, keep me company?” Brat asked as she grabbed her purse and stood up, extending her hand. You nodded, grabbing her hand, following her through the crowd.

“Fuck, I forgot how shitty city parking is normally, even worse with a yellow Hummer!!” Jensen said as he snatched Cougar’s hat and sat down. “Where’s Pooch?” Jensen said as he grabbed a handful of popcorn sitting in the middle of the table.

“He’s grabbing drinks,” Cougar said. “Look, Jensen-“

“Clay, Aisha, what took you guys so long?” Jake asked his bosses, tossing some popcorn kernels at the two. Aisha rolled her eyes and walked to join Pooch and Wanda to get drinks while Clay took a seat. The conversation continued, Pooch and Wanda finally joining the group with the next round. Introductions were made, conversation and alcohol consumed easily between everyone.

You and Brat stopped at the bar as she wanted something different to drink while also keeping the return to the table slow. “Your dress is amazing!” you complimented the gorgeous stranger next to you. You were very introverted, so you normally didn’t like talking to other humans, but the drinks had you feeling loose and happy, along with seeing your old friends.

The three of you carried on for a little longer, Aisha and Brat comparing stories of dangerous missions and idiotic partners. You chimed in with a spicy kitten that you eventually ended up keeping years ago because he would attack everything. The other two women laughed, voting that you were the victor of this competition.

The three of you turned, agreeing that you needed to get back to your groups and made your way to the same table.

“I didn’t know you knew Pooch and Coug!” you exclaimed to Aisha as she sat next to a devastatingly handsome man whose name you learned was Clay. You dropped onto Wanda’s lap as introductions were made again, and the conversation continued.

“Man, that bathroom is like a luxury room. I could sleep like a baby in there…” Jensen said, the words falling off his lips the moment he saw you. “Wormie??” he asked, a smile playing over his lips as he walked towards you, his hands out as if he meant to hug you.

You froze, all thoughts leaving your head momentarily as you tried to process what you were seeing in front of you. You felt Wanda tense under you, however you gave her a squeeze to let her know you could handle this. Brat sat back with a smile on her face, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

You stood up, moving out of Jake’s reach, drink in hand. “Do not fucking call me that,” you said, your voice low and lethal, anger burning behind every syllable. “You lost that right ten years ago.” You threw your drink in his face, slamming the glass on the table and grabbed your purse, heading towards the door.

As the others looked on in stunned silence, Brat finished her drink and stood, Wanda right behind her. “You must be the infamous Jake Jensen,” she said, choking back her laughter, almost feeling sorry for the guy as all eyes in the room had turned towards this debacle. “I’d say nice to meet you, but I was taught never to lie.” Brat and Wanda walked away, running to catch up with you.

“And they call our relationship volatile,” Clay whispered to Aisha as he took a sip from his beer, amusement written all over his face. Aisha stifled a laugh and sputtered a cough when Jensen looked her way.

“Why the fuck is everyone staring at Jensen? Jensen, why are you wet, man? Can’t fucking take you out in public anywhere,” Roque said in disgust, having missed the entire scene. “What?” Roque said as the others laughed while Jensen was still frozen to his spot.

Jensen finally moved, running and calling your name as he went, trying to get you to stop, with no luck. He watched as you got into the car, before Brat blocked his view.

“Look, this was all fun for a minute, but that girl right there? She’s not only one of the best people I know, she’s my best fucking friend. You already hurt her once, and she won’t admit it, but she’s still hurting, and has in fact never stopped hurting. If you care for her at all, do not do this right now, let her go. Also, my other best friend is a doc and she wouldn’t hesitate to neuter you,” Brat said as she got into the car, slamming the door in Jensen’s face. All he could do was stare, watching the one he never got over drive away, worrying about the loss of his balls in the process.

———————————————————————

“Okay, that’s it. Get the fuck up,” Colin said as he grabbed your blanket and threw it on the floor. “Jesus, it smells like an animal died in here. When was the last time you showered?” he asked, grabbing the blanket again as you tried to pull it back up.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Shea,” you replied, throwing a pillow over your head when he moved your blanket out of reach. “I want to be alone, is that too much to ask?”

“It’s been a week, an entire fucking week of no communication. The shelter is suffering because there aren’t enough volunteers to take care of the animals, and the cafe needs supplies, but no one knows how to do inventory and ordering.”

“You’re fucking lying. It hasn’t been a week, it’s only been a day. The shelter and cafe can’t be that bad. You and Rogers are there.” You leaned over the side of your bed, grabbed your blanket, and once again burrowed underneath.

“It’s been a week, ass. Rogers has been on a mission with Brat and Wanda, Doc stops by when she can, but we need you.” Colin sat on the edge of your bed and pulled down a corner of the blanket so he could see your face.

“Has it really been a week?” you asked meekly, tears starting to form again. You’d cried so much, your eyes were swollen shut at one point, but you couldn’t stop them, not with the fresh heartbreak you’d just experienced. You grabbed your phone, seeing it had indeed been a week, and sniffled. “I really do smell,” you said, crying harder.

“You really do,” Colin agreed, pulling you into a hug and letting you cry, no words spoken, just allowing you to feel. “Okay, let’s get you showered, put you in some clean and stain free clothes, and get back to life.”

You nodded, heading towards the bathroom for a hot shower as Colin grabbed your sheets and blankets to throw into the washer. After a piping hot shower, you felt a little more alive and human, throwing on your favorite pair of wide leg jeans with your favorite oversized hoodie. You threw on some shoes, grabbed your keys, and yelled for Colin to hurry his ass up.

“Yeah, yeah. Im doing your fucking laundry, you’re welcome,” he grumbled as the two of you left.

First stop: the shelter to organize the volunteers, making sure all of the animals were cared for. Next: inventory check at the cafe with a run to the grocery store for immediate needs while placing an order. You felt better today, getting back to your reality, the life you’d built without Jake Jensen. If you had known what was going to happen today, you probably wouldn’t have gotten out of bed.

You walked into the shelter, greeting your front desk volunteer for the day and stopped to drop your purse and jacket in your office while Colin stopped to flirt with your front desk volunteer. You rolled your eyes as you walked past your friend and smacked him on the back of his head.

“Ow! Fuck, was that really necessary?” he groused as the girl laughed. You winked at her and told Colin it was absolutely necessary as you made your way to the cat room.

You heard Steve talking to Shirley, your favorite volunteer. Shirley was sassy and didn’t care who Captain America was, if he wasn’t taking care of these babies correctly, Shirley made sure to let him know.

“Come on, Rogers. You’ve been here long enough to know you cannot let Frodo out with Michael Myers. They do not get along.” Shirley scooped up Frodo mid-hiss, and put him back in his kennel.

“I’m sorry, Shirley. I wasn’t paying attention, the mission ran late-“ Steve started, rubbing his hand on the back of this neck.

“No excuse, Rogers. Get it together,” Shirley said as she gave Steve a small smack on his shoulder and turned to walk away.

You walked in laughing at the embarrassed look on Steve’s face, his cheeks flushed red along with his ears. He grinned when he saw you, happy you were up and about.

“Pissing Shirley off again?” you quipped, punching Steve in his arm as Shirley looked over and rolled her eyes in irritation. “You know better, Rogers. Get it together.”

“Yeah, yeah. Where’s the musical playboy? Thought he was coming in with you?” Steve asked as he turned to a cage of a new intake momma cat and her four kittens. Momma moved aside to allow Steve to clean and replace her food and water, even going so far as to bring her babies to Steve. He pet each baby, all the while telling momma what a good job she was doing. To the world, Captain America fought the bad guys. To you, your best friend, Steve, loved snuggling kittens.

You quickly snapped a video of this hulking super soldier snuggling baby kittens and sent it off to Brat. Her response, lightning quick: Great. Now he’s even more pussy whipped than before…

You laughed so loud you snorted, handing your phone over to Shirley. The little old lady laughed and said something to the extent of him being able to keep kittens alive but he can’t remember to keep mortal enemies apart.

Brat: Tell Shirley I love her and I’m adopting her as my mother.

Shirley: Hell no. This doof is all yours. I already have my own pussy whipped doofus to deal with…-

Brat: Nope. That’s it. You’re my new mommy .

“Hey, can we at least try and pretend you’re not talking shit about me and making fun of me?” Steve said, exasperated with the women in his life. As soon as Doc was let in on this conversation, he would never hear the end of it from Bucky.

“Watch your tone, Rogers,” Shirley quipped, throwing a wink over her shoulder at you. Steve just hung his head in resignation, mumbled a soft “yes ma’am,” and put the kittens back with their momma.

———————————————————————

Jensen pulled up in front of the cafe and threw his rental in park, running his opening over and over. Hi, hello, how have you been, it’s been a long time, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. No matter what he thought, there was nothing good enough to start this conversation, no explanation, no sentence or phrase.

He was just about to open his door when he saw a car pull in. He saw you get out of the car, talking to someone, and then saw a man exit the car also. He watched as the man pulled you into his side, arm around your shoulder, your arm around his waist and head resting on his shoulder, laughing at something he had said. He sank down in his seat, his mind drifting back to all those years ago, his heart breaking all over again.

Graduation-The Beginning of the End

You felt his lips ghost over your skin, his fingers barely touching any part of you, yet setting you on fire, the invisible flame licking over every square inch of you. You sighed, content to lay with Jake forever like this. He knew how to take you apart in a matter of minutes, then spend hours keeping you apart before he finally allowed you back together.

You turned on your back, your hands above your head as you felt his mouth move expertly from your lower back to your belly. You felt his lashes fan over your skin, his tongue and lips playing a symphony, your hands finding their way into his hair, Your head rolled back as he moved up, his mouth stopping on your right breast, taking your nipple softly into his mouth, rolling and biting the overly sensitive nub expertly until you moaned in quiet ecstasy.

He moved over to your left breast, lavishing the same attention on your nipple as you slowly felt his hand move down your side, over your hip, skimming your inner thigh, causing your breath to hitch as he slowly inserted two fingers into your dripping pussy.

Jake loved this part, loved to hear you moan, loved to feel you clamp down on his fingers when he hit just the right spot, loved the way you were always wet, always ready for him. He especially loved when you arched your back as he found your clit with his palm, the sound of him slowly and expertly finger fucking you filling the small space.

You felt his breath, just a whisper of air, move down again, more and more until his mouth replaced his palm, sucking your clit into his mouth, his fingers still working your favorite spot inside, his pace so excruciatingly slow and unhurried. You bit down, his name delivered to his ears as a concerto of moans and pleasure, his fingers and mouth the conductor.

You felt your high near, your moans turning to breathless pants until he tipped you over the edge, your crescendo the only thing he wanted to hear for the rest of his life. As you slowly came back down, you felt his cock replace his fingers, his descent into your velvet and wet walls again, pure torture of the best kind until you felt him fully seated.

You softly begged him to move, to start, to finish, to kill you, whatever he needed to hear for him to move. He dragged his cock out inch by inch as he kissed you, swallowing every noise made, sharing all of your breath as he plunged back in, your pussy clenching around him, feeling every ridge and vein.

He rested his forehead against yours as his hips started to move faster, his arm moving under your knee to open you up more, allowing him to fuck you even deeper, his whispered words of love all you needed in this life. You felt him start to stutter, his hand dropping between your joined bodies, his fingers rubbing your clit fast and hard, needing to feel you cum with him.

You felt him stall, burying his cock deep inside as his cum painted your walls, your cunt finally clenching around him as your own orgasm hit, your cum mixing with his as you both rode out this high. You felt his breathing start to slow, his head buried in the crook of your neck as your hands rubbed his back.

He lifted his head, kissing you again, both of you spent in the best way possible with no words exchanged the entire time. You continued to kiss him breathless, both of you coming down from the most intense orgasms, your bodies entwined with your spirits and souls. Jensen reached over to his side table, opening it and pulling out the small green box.

“Marry me, Wormie,” he said as he placed the box in your hand. You felt the tears form, so absolutely in love with this man. You opened the box, instantly in love with the ring he’d picked, matching your taste perfectly. This man knew everything about you, knew your body, your heart, your soul.

You whispered a soft yes, your tears pouring down as Jake placed the ring on your finger, kissing your hand, his own tears running down his face. You two kissed, locked in this moment of bliss, the future yours as long as you were together. Jake wished now that you’d both had never left that room.

———————————————————————

You had finally finished at the shelter, feeling calm spread over your tired soul. Nothing soothed your troubles like taking care of your animals. It was almost time for adoption hour, so you quickly gathered Colin and Steve to head over to the cafe with you. The cafe was closed today so it was the perfect time to check on the animals and do inventory.

As the three of you headed towards the exit, you saw Jake standing on the sidewalk in front, pacing back and forth while having a conversation with himself. You stopped, torn between rage and sadness, remembering Jake often talked to himself when he had a difficult issue to work through.

You threw the door open, causing Jake to stop as he saw you heading towards him. “What the hell, Jensen? Why the fuck are you here?” You stopped in front of him, your hands clenched into fists at your side. You vaguely heard the door slam behind you followed by Colin yelling when it hit his face.

“Whoa, I am not here to fight or hurt you, I’m just here to talk,” Jake said, his hands held out in front of him. He looked over your shoulder, not missing the glare from Captain America and the douche frat boy he saw you with earlier. What the fuck was Captain America doing here? Fuck, this just kept getting worse.

“Talk about what? Why couldn’t we have had this talk ten years ago?” you said as you felt your anger spike, all of the emotions you’d thought you’d dealt with coming to the surface. “Why couldn’t we talk in the entire month that I called you after you left me? Why couldn’t we talk every time I sent you a text, or an email, or a letter? They were never returned, so I know you got them.” You felt the tears start falling, but at this moment, you couldn’t care less. “How about when I called you once a month after the first year, then once every few months, then once a year? Could we have talked when I finally took my engagement ring off, accepting and realizing you weren’t coming back?”

“Wormie, I didn’t leave you-” Jake started, sighing in frustration as Colin and Steve started walking towards you. “Can we please have this conversation without the threat of bodily harm from your bodyguards?” he asked as Steve and Colin stopped in front of you.

“What do we need to talk about, Jake?” you asked, your anger finally waning into sorrow and exhaustion. “Do we need to talk about how you left me with no explanation, no warning on the happiest night of my life? Or about how I didn’t get out of bed for months, barely eating or sleeping, or even living? Or how I finally had started to move on when you suddenly popped up again and threw my heart into the blender? What more is there to say, Jake. You fucked me, proposed to me, and then left me all alone, no explanation, all in the same day.” You wiped the tears that had escaped, your body slowly succumbing to all of the emotions you had kept hidden over the last decade.

“I didn’t fucking leave you! I heard your roommates talking to you about how you deserved better than some loser who was never going to give you the fucking life you deserved!” he yelled, his emotions finally spilling out along with everything he had wanted to tell you. “I listened to them tear me apart, over and over. Then I realized you hadn’t said anything. Not one word, just sat there listening to them. I saw your face, the worry etched in your eyes. I saw the doubt creep over as you started to listen to what they were saying. And in that moment I knew I had to do something, anything to be worthy of you. So I went with Pooch and Cougar, shipped out for basic a few days later.”

You felt Steve and Colin stir at your side the more emotional Jake became as he recounted his side to you. You turned to your friends, asking them to head to the cafe and please take care of the cats and inventory, knowing this was a conversation that was needed, no matter how much you didn’t want to have it.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, as he took another look at Jake. He’d never known the entire story, but he did know you were guarded and scared of anyone getting close to you. It had taken Colin and Steve over a year to earn a place in your life. Brat, Wanda and Doc were easier, all having been through their own trauma, allowing you to bond with the women easily. You never dated,, never even looked at men. He’d always wondered why you wore a stunning emerald ring around your neck on a chain instead of your finger, and now it made complete sense.

“I’m fine, really. Jake would never hurt me, well not physically anyway,” you said, showing Colin and Steve you weren’t scared and that this was something you needed to do. This was a long time coming, a chance you honestly never thought you would get, and now that the opportunity had arrived, you decided it was time to face it all, the good and the bad.

Steve and Colin nodded, giving you the space you needed, knowing you wouldn’t ask if you didn’t think you could handle this. You waited until your two friends had entered the cafe before you finally turned back to Jake. You saw the genuine emotion in his features even as he refused to look at you. You waited in silence, wanting Jake to continue where he had left off. After a few minutes of the quiet, Jake finally had calmed down enough to recount the story.

Hours after the proposal

You were so excited to show everyone your ring, so completely happy that your cheeks hurt from smiling. When the two of you finally came up for air, you went to share the news with your friends and roommates while Jake went to shower before meeting up with Pooch and Cougar. You held out your hand, for your friends to see, the happiness and smile on display for anyone to see. Your friends, who you would later learn were never really your friends at all, shared a look. You smile started to falter as you saw their faces, not understanding why they weren’t happy for you.

“Listen, I know you think you’re in love, and that Jensen is the one, but you’re so young,” Thing One said, her tone condescending and downright cruel. “You deserve more than what that loser can offer.” Thing One looked over at Thing Two and continued their unfair demolition of you and Jake Jensen.

“He will never be able to give you the life you deserve. He’s going to what, provide a lavish life as an IT Helpdesk specialist? Have you tried turning it off then back on?” Thing Two sneered and Thing One laughed along.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” you asked, not sure if you were hearing things correctly or being overly sensitive. This had to be a joke, there was just no way these two women had fooled you for your entire college career. Had they always been this snotty, or did you just never spend enough time around them to see who they truly were.

“You are destined for such great things, and you deserve someone who can give you that lavish lifestyle,” Thing One replied as she moved to sit next to you. “Jake is the guy you date before you find the one. He’s the one who will teach you about wants and needs, and he will help you move on to the type of man that can provide that to you. Jake isn’t the one you marry.”

“See, once we leave this time in our life, you’ll grow and expand your horizon, and you’ll find the perfect man to give you financial security, along with plenty of play money and if you end up with kids, that’ll just secure that jackpot even more.” Thing Two sounded so superficial and vapid, making you question every interaction you’d ever shared, realizing these two were not friends, they were nothing but wolves in sheeps clothing.

“What about love? Sharing your life with the one person who understands everything about you? What about happiness at never having to go through this hard enough life alone because you’ve found the other half of who you are, the part of you that was always missing?” you questioned, completely blind sided by this entire conversation.

“Love is a kids fantasy and we aren’t children any more,” Thing One said, Thing Two shaking her head vigorously in agreement. “Love won’t pay the mortgage, the heat, the cars, the vacations. Love isn’t a true or feasible goal, it’s something poor people will hold on to because they let the dream of everything else pass them by.”

You stood up, your stomach sour, bile rising into the back of your throat. “This is the most vile and disgusting conversation I have ever had with you two. I love Jake Jensen with every cell and molecule in existence, and he loves me. He is not a loser. The only losers in this conversation are the two of you, and I pity you,” you spat, completely ignoring the looks of shock as you turned to walk away. “Love is the most amazing emotion in the world, keeping you warm, secure, and happy. The two of you will only know a man who will start cheating once your looks start to fade, trading you in for a younger woman. No amount of plastic surgery can change the fact that you have peaked, and it is only downhill from here on out.” You turned and walked into your room, completely ignoring the angry words being hurled in your direction, slamming the door in complete disgust. You threw yourself on your bed, taking out your phone to text Jensen, falling asleep as you waited for his reply. That reply would never come.

———————————————————————

“I heard them tell you how you deserved more, how I would never be able to take care of you, and you said nothing. Not one fucking word,” Jake accused, his voice wavering. “So I left, I went to become the man that you deserved, but when I came back, you were gone.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Jake?!” you screamed causing him to take a step back. “You obviously didn’t hear anything cause I absolutely defended you! I was so in love with you, I would never have let anyone change my feelings toward you.”

You didn’t realize how close you’d gotten until you watched Jake flinch from you poking his chest with each word. At this moment though, you couldn’t care less.

“I ended my friendship with them over you. I never agreed with a fucking word they said, not one, but I may as well have since you just dipped, left me with no answers, no reason, no closure. You left me! You fucking left me and didn’t say one fucking word!” You couldn’t stop the tears, finally able to process the last ten years of emotions.

“I texted you, I emailed you, I called you, I did everything right, and you still fucking left me! You broke me, Jensen. You fucking broke me!” You’d started pounding on your fists on his chest, just wanting him to hurt as much as he had hurt you. Jake grabbed your hands as you slowed down, pulling you into his chest as he rubbed your back soothingly.

“I waited for you, I fell apart. I mourned for you every day, I was left wondering what I had done wrong. Did you not love me? Did you realize you wanted someone else? You fucking broke me, Jake Jensen, and I’ve never been whole since,” you cried as he cradled you, your face in the crook of his neck.

“I waited, I didn’t leave my bed, Jolene knew something but she wouldn’t tell me. I didn’t get out of bed for months after you left. I was a shell. I finally realized you weren’t coming back, so I got up, I went through the motions, I lived from day to day. I made friends. It took me a long time to let Steve, Colin, Brat, Doc, Wanda, and Bucky in, but they never left my side. Then ten years later, ten years after no contact, you pop back up, and now I’m back to being a shell.”

“Do you still love me? Or carry some of the same feelings still?” Jake asked quietly, his heart starting to race. “I never stopped loving you. Not once,” Jake admitted as the tears started falling.

“That’s not fair, Jake. You don’t get to break me then ask me if I still love you after I’ve slowly put myself back together.” You pulled yourself out Jake’s arms, immediately missing his warmth and comfort. “You don’t get to come back and ask about my feelings, they aren’t your concern anymore.” You pulled your chain out, running your ring back and forth across the chain, a nervous habit you’d never been able to stop.

Jake looked down, seeing the ring, and for one flicker of a second, he felt his heart soar. You still had his ring. You still wore his ring. He had a chance to prove himself and his feelings to you.

“I need time Jake, I need time.” You ran your hand through your hair, your resolve wavering just a little, but that wasn’t a road you could go down now. “How long are you going to be in town?”

Jake cleared his throat and wiped away his tears. “Uh, Clay said we have a mission here, I guess we’re going to be working with the Avengers, so we’ll be here until it’s done.”

“Well, you’ve already met Steve, and you’ll meet Brat, Doc, and Wanda soon, so good luck with that. Doc will neuter you,” you half joked, pretty sure she just might.

“Yeah, not the first time I’ve heard that, oddly enough,” Jake said. “Do you think we can talk when we get back?” Jake looked at you hopefully, giving you his soft puppy eyes you never could resist.

“I’ll think about it. Just….don’t die, we’ll talk when you get back, okay? That’s the most I can give you right now.” You kept playing with your ring before you realized that he had to have seen it by now. Tucking it back into your shirt, you smoothed your shirt and cleared your throat. “Don’t fucking die, and we’ll talk when you get back.”

“Music to my ears, Wormie. I’m coming back to you, and we will figure this all out. I never stopped loving you, haven’t dated anyone else at all, had you on my mind the entire time I’ve been gone.”

Jake threw his arms around you, and you allowed yourself to sink into his scent and warmth, as if you’d never been apart. Jake placed a kiss on your cheek and got back into his car, waving as he pulled away.

You watched his car disappear into traffic, your brain busy with everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Did you still love him? If you were being honest with yourself, you had never stopped, and that was the problem here. You turned and headed into the cafe, your mind wandering all over.

———————————————————————

It had been a few weeks since you had heard from anyone. You were used to Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Tony, Brat all going no contact while on missions, but now you also had Jake to worry about, and that wasn’t something you were used to. You tried to keep as busy as possible, and thankfully Tony seemed to know you needed this, and you threw all of your time and energy into it.

You worked extra hours at the shelter, working to get all of the pets up to date on their vaccinations, addressing all medical concerns, and getting all of the animals spayed or neutered. You had just returned from picking up a new intake who needed to have an eye and tail removed, a stray found in pretty bad shape and brought to you by Colin for help.

“Hey Seamus,” you said as he climbed out of the carrier, stretching his body then immediately wrapping himself around your ankles, his purr the only noise in the room. “I heard you tried to eat the techs, Seamus. We talked about this.” Seamus looked at you, turning his head to the side and meowing in response to your admonitions. “They said you were extra spicy and almost sent one to the techs to the hospital.” Seamus chuffed, walking over to inspect the food and water bowl you had set up in your office.

“Alright you little shit, let me work for a little bit, then we’ll head home.” You moved behind your desk, opening your laptop to go over the final details for the adoption benefit set to happen in two weeks. You let your mind get lost in the planning, finally not thinking about Jake or your friends.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been working, but you finally decided to give up when the words started blending and blurring together. You stood and stretched, your back and neck sore from being in the same position. Seamus looked up at you from his perch on the window in your office, annoyed at having been disturbed.

“Come on, Spicy Seamus, let’s go home.” You grabbed his harness and leash, bending over to allow him to step in so you could fasten him in. You turned and grabbed your purse, opening your door and shutting off the light as you and Seamus made your way out to your car. You opened your passenger side door, allowing Seamus to jump in. You locked his harness into the seatbelt, closed his door and made your way to the driver's seat.

You made the short trip home, you and Seamus making it inside just as the sun was rising over the horizon. Another day done with still no word from anyone. You fed Seamus, washed your face and brushed your teeth. You fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow, your exhaustion finally catching up to you.

You slept for a few hours, your dreams restless, your subconscious returning back to Jake at every twist and turn. You woke up covered in sweat, unsure of exactly where you were, your dreams so real. You heard your phone ringing, the sound part of what woke you up so suddenly. You looked at the caller ID, your heart dropping into your stomach as you answered the call. You listened, a familiar voice coming over the line, confirming your worst fears. Jake, Steve, and Pooch were missing, having never returned from their portion of the mission. They had been missing for about two weeks, but the team stayed to look for them, only giving in when they needed to come back and replenish their supplies

You stayed still, almost scared to breathe as he talked, hoping you were still dreaming. Cougar said they were leaving again, bringing Sam, Nat, Doc, and Thor along with them, all hands on deck. Cougar promised he would call again as soon as they had any additional news, then waited for you to acknowledge the conversation before he disconnected the call.

You sat still, your phone still clenched in your hand, your body and mind slipping into shock. Seamus pranced in, jumping onto your bed and laying directly in your lap, his front paws on your chest as he purred. You finally let your emotions in, allowing yourself to fall apart as Seamus continued his comfort. You finally fell victim to your emotions, falling into another restless sleep as your nightmares continued to haunt you.

———————————————————————

You spent the next three days in bed, not eating, not showering, not sleeping, only getting up to feed Seamus then go back to bed. Colin received a call from Doc alerting him to the situation when no one had been able to reach you, your phone going straight to voicemail, your texts unread and unanswered.

Colin knew he had to step in when he received a call from the veterinarian you used for the shelter animals called him regarding missed appointments. Colin knew how much the animals meant to you, and with the adoption event so close, he was absolutely certain you would never miss any appointment let alone the ones needed to make these animals adoptable.

You heard the door to your apartment open but you didn’t stir. You didn’t care. All you cared about was Jake and you had lost him again, along with your best friend, maybe for good. Colin knocked on your room door before entering and sitting down next to you on the bed. You didn’t say anything, didn’t even move, barely breathing.

“I took the rest of the dogs in for their shots, the doc says they’re good to go for the adoption event. The cats are all good, Shirley has been taking care of them. The cafe is good to go, I just did inventory. Tony’s party planners are coming tomorrow, I think this is a meeting you’re going to need to take. I’m not too sure what you already had planned.” Colin finished, looking at the TV running quietly in the background, knowing you would say something when you were ready.

“I should have told him before he left,” you said after an hour or so, your voice raspy and strained from not being used. “I still wore his ring, I never stopped loving him, and I didn’t tell him. I just told him not to die, and now I may not see him again.” Your shoulders shook, sobs wracking your body as you finally allowed yourself to feel something, anything.

You turned over and looked at Colin, your tears falling freely as you finally acknowledged your friend and your emotions. Colin opened his arms, allowing you to curl up into him, your head on his chest as you sobbed, his hand rubbing up and down your back as he just allowed you to be. Your friends knew you didn’t like showing your emotion, but the few times you did, they allowed you to just work through it.

After a little bit, your tears finally stopped, your mind finally clearing a little with the release of everything you had needed and wanted to admit leaving your lips. Colin stayed silent, waiting to follow your lead in this situation.

“What time is the meeting with the planners tomorrow?” you asked Colin, as you threw the covers back and got out of your bed. You stopped, fully taking in your smell, highly upset you weren’t able to move away from it.

“They said ten in the morning, but I can move it if you need me to,” Colin replied, breathing through his mouth to not breathe in the nuclear scent wafting off you, but trying very hard not to make you feel any worse than you already did.

“No, ten will be fine. Do any of the animals need a once over before the event?” you continued as you pulled out clean clothes and a towel and headed towards your bathroom. You propped the door to hear Colin and to allow some steam to leave the bathroom as you tended to bathe in temperatures only a demon could love.

“No, barring any emergencies, but all of them are spayed, neutered, and vaccinated. Where’s my Spicy Seamus?” Colin asked as he looked for his furry friend. Colin was obsessed with Seamus even if the cat didn’t care for him whatsoever. “Ow! What the fuck, Seamus? I just tried to give you some food you grumpy ass-”

“Colin! Stop calling my cat names!” Seamus trotted over to you, as you brushed your hair, throwing a triumphant look at Colin as the man stuck his tongue out at the cat. You rolled your eyes, telling Colin how absolutely ridiculous it was for him to argue with a cat. Colin said Seamus started it.

—---------------------------------------------------

This was your life leading up to the day of the event. Colin was by your side, fighting with Seamus and keeping you together, the staff helping with the cafe and shelter allowing you to focus on the final details of the event.

You revealed the theme to your staff and volunteers as you made sure each one had an invite to this event. You’d decided on a theme near and dear to your heart, 90’s grunge. The decor you’d decided on was album covers from your favorite music era, the music being the same as the theme.

What you didn’t know is Tony had managed to book one of your favorite bands, a surprise he’d orchestrated before the team had left to find Jake, Steve, and Pooch. You hadn’t heard anything yet, and Colin tried to keep you as busy as possible, knowing if you slowed down, you’d sink back down into your depression hole, and Jake wouldn’t want to see that when he got back. Neither would Steve.

Colin kept in touch with Brat and Clay, getting daily updates on the progress of the rescue mission. As of his last conversation with Clay this morning, there were a few leads to follow up on, and they seemed to be close to finding their missing team. Colin didn’t tell you any of the updates, not wanting to see you spiral or get your hopes too high depending on the conversation.

Before you knew it, the day of the event had arrived. The shelter was busy hanging all of the album covers for the pets, your idea for marketing the dogs and cats. Each album was a famous cover with the pet featured as the main image, the bottom of the cover giving the biography and details of each animal up for adoption. The door between the shelter and cafe would be open, allowing patrons and possible adopters to move freely between both buildings.

After making sure every last detail was tended to, you went home and changed into your outfit: JNKO jeans with holes in the knees, a tank top with gray and black plaid flannel layered overtop, and your absolutely favorite Doc Marten Mary Janes. Your hair was pulled back away from your face, your makeup light and airy.

You heard your front door open and close, not surprising as you were waiting for Colin to come over so you both could head out together. “Hey, can you feed Seamus without him killing you this time?” you yelled out as you gave yourself one last look in the mirror. You made sure you had your necklace with your ring on, not that you ever took it off, but you always checked, just in case.

“I’m almost done!” you called as you grabbed your wallet and keys, making your way into the living room. “Hey, Colin are you-” you stopped short as you took in the sight in front of you. It wasn’t Colin standing there, petting your one eyed friend, nope. That sure as fuck was not Colin. You stopped short as you watched him stand straight, your eyes not believing what you were seeing.

“Hey Wormie,” Jake said as he locked eyes with you. He stood still, waiting for you to say anything, something, but you just stood there staring at him. “I asked them not to call you, I wanted to come straight over and see you-” Jake started, trying to fill the silence before you moved.

You crossed the room, running to Jake, throwing your arms around him as your lips met his to stop his nervous rambling. You kissed him intensely, not stopping for anything. You needed Jake, needed to feel Jake, needed to know Jake was here and not going anywhere. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, lifting you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. He walked you over to the wall, placing your back against it as he stopped kissing you long enough for you to remove your clothes as he removed his, immediately kissing you again as he plunged into you, neither of you wasting any time.

Jake stopped, resting his head in the crook of your neck as he gave you a moment to adjust, his lips never leaving your skin once. “Jake, I need you,” you whispered, pleading with Jake to move as he continued kissing every bit of flesh he could find.

Jake started moving, his lips finding yours again. You kissed each other breathless, resting your foreheads against one another and panting, then kissing again, not wanting any space between the two of you. You’d been apart long enough, there wasn’t any more time to waste. Jake dropped his hand down, immediately finding your clit, rubbing expertly to bring you over the edge, his mouth swallowing your sound as you fell over.

Jake didn’t stop, continuing his ministrations as your second orgasm fell before you had finished the first, the clench causing Jake to cum, emptying himself into you as you both fought to catch your breath. You kept kissing Jake as you both came down, as if trying to make yourself believe he was really here.

“I’m here,” Jake said as he held you close, still seated inside of you, needing to know you were just as real as he was in this moment. He continued to reassure you that he was here, he was real, that this time, he was not going anywhere. You don’t know when you’d started crying, but you felt the tears running down your face.

You and Jake moved from the wall to the bathroom where you both got lost in each other again before finally cleaning yourself and him, getting dressed and making your way to the benefit hand in hand, not that everyone there didn’t know exactly what had just happened. You both wore the marks all over, but Tony was the only one to say anything at all.

“So glad you could finally make it, you disgusting humans. Please tell me you at least showered before gracing us with your presence,” Tony said, flinching and crying when you punched him in the arm. “Geez, I don’t envy you at all, Jensen.” Tony winked as you flipped him the bird as he walked away.

“I’m glad I could finally make it too,” Jake said as he kissed you again. You could finally say the same thing, your world feeling full and where it was always meant to be as you watched your friends and family enjoy themselves around you. You kissed Jake, hugged Colin, took pictures with all of the animals as they were adopted, and just started living, something you hadn’t been able to do for years. Your heart was finally home.

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peyton-warren · 1 year

Text

Blinded By The Fog Chapter 7

Characters: Reader, Jolene, Aubrey Clay(OC), Madre Alverez (OC) and Captain Syverson Pairings: Reader x Syverson, Jake Jensen x Reader Word count: 3322 Type: angst and fluff Warning: 18+. Minors DNI. guilt, self-depreciation, self-doubt, loss of spouse and found family, swearing, weensy bit of smooching and subtle(?) affection. Summary: Reader panics when Sy arrives at Madre's for dinner and she is faced with talking to him about what happened a week before, and his history with Clay's daughter.

Author's Note: Thank you to @adulting-sucks for her continued support and betaing. Thank you to @jvanilly, @ronearoundblindly @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @darsynia @sconnie-doesnt-know @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @nana1000night @jynxmirage and others for the support this weekend during our Presidents' Day Writers Party.

Ask Box: Open

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Chapter 6

You stood frozen in place as Sy, sporting a freshly shaved head and trimmed beard, followed Aubrey into the kitchen. You stared at the empty doorway, barely registering the joyous chatter that erupted at his arrival. You were too busy trying to figure out what in the world you were going to do now that he was here. You could run off like a child, get in your car and never be seen again. There was a certain appeal to that, you had to admit that.

What in the fuck is he doing home anyway? He was supposed to be on some super secret squirrel mission for the US government, wasn't he? It's only been 5 days since he sent you the message he was being sent out. He that good at his job that he accomplished whatever it was that quickly?

With a frustrated sigh, you broke yourself free from your fixed staring stance, and quickly moved to continue your task, now setting the fifth space. Once that was done, you let your mind wander as you futzed with the table as long as you could without feeling ultra awkward for not being in the kitchen with the others. Looking up, you nearly jumped out of your skin as you finally noticed the hulking man standing in the room with you, his arms crossed, his expression unreadable, cold and distant, unflinching as you squeaked your surprise. His eyes were focused on you, his jaw set and you wondered how long he had been standing there. And how he entered the room without you noticing.

Biting your lip, you tried to mimic his stoic manner, knowing you did not have it in you, and you began to crumble under his scrutinous gaze. As you felt the all too familiar sting of tears, Aaran jerked his head toward the next room. Nodding, you followed the instruction and found yourself alone in the living room with Sy. You felt suddenly embarrassed and nervous, barely able to look at him. You heard the others still in the kitchen as he stepped toward you. He stopped just short of your personal bubble, and without a word, he tucked one finger under your chin, gently guiding your face up. Your eyes flowed over his features, your cheeks reddening, your stomach doing flips it only ever did with your husband. You tried to deny that you were feeling something for Sy, reminding yourself Jake had been gone less than 2 months. This was so wrong.

But as your eyes met Sy’s, you felt something in you snap. As if he could feel it too, Sy stepped forward, almost in slow motion, the electricity between you palpable. Unable to stop, you rose on your toes, hand on his chest to steady yourself. You held your breath as you brushed your lips over his. Sy stood motionless, but didn’t hold back the soft moan emanating from his throat.

Emboldened by that sound, you pressed closer to him, your lips parting his. Abruptly, Sy cradled your cheeks in his hands, pulling closer to you before spinning the pair of you, pressing your back to a wall in the corner of the room with a low growl.

With a barely audible ooff, you grabbed his shirt, tugging him closer as his tongue filled your mouth. His knee inserted itself between your thighs making you hiss and hold on tighter, pulling his shirt from the waistband of his pants, your fingers seeking his warm skin. Your mind continued to spin with the thoughts of how this shouldn't be happening while your body sparked and sizzled with each stroke of his tongue, each touch of his hands and fingers.

Jolene called your name from deep in the kitchen. “Did you bring that wine with you?"

Ripping your mouth from Sy’s, you tried to slow your breathing as he stared at you like he wanted to devour you whole. “Yeah,” you yelled back, your eyes flowing over his face, straying from his eyes to his kiss-swollen lips. “I forgot it in the car. Lemme go grab it.”

“Great!” Her voice seemed closer, panic rising in your brain at being caught, your hands pressing to his chest “You seen Sy? Madre needs him.”

You wrap your hands around his wrists, his fingers clenching your hips, your eyes pleading with him. “Think I saw him head to the bathroom.” Sy’s tongue swept over his bottom lip, making your thighs weak before you attempted to push him back again. “I’ll be right back!"

Sy was very reluctant to let you go, but he finally let you escape to the front door. The fresh cool air hitting your burning cheeks was more than a little welcome as you slammed the door behind you. What in the world were you thinking? What had gotten into you?

Sy could, that enabling voice in the back of your mind offered.

You told it to fuck off as you slowly walked to your car, taking as much time as possible to allow yourself to cool down.

The door to the house loudy closed, making you jump and turn around. Without a glance in your direction, Sy stoically walked across the yard towards a grill in the shade of the house, pulling the lid off of it before rifling through a nearby deck box. The buzz of arousal still stirred in you, and you tried to ignore the way he looked bending over, the way the still untucked Molly Hatchet shirt rode up his expansive back, the way his bottom looked in his jeans as he rooted around for charcoal and tools to get the grill going.

“For fuck’s sake. Are you 12?” you muttered under your breath as you spun back around to pull the wine bottles from your passenger seat. Marching back to the door, you did your best to not glance in Aaran’s direction. When you did, you caught him looking at you, and smirking, that fucking smirk, making you blush hotly and almost dash for the door handle.

Somehow you found your way into the house, and back to the kitchen. Jolene raised her eyebrow at your arrival and you tried to ignore her, setting the bottles on the counter. Opening a drawer to your left, you rooted around for the wine opener you knew was in there somewhere, suddenly and desperately feeling parched, still ignoring Jolene’s stare, not wanting to know what she saw or knew, or thought she saw or thought she knew.

The opener appeared in front of your eyes, dangled in your view by perfect french manicure. “Oh bless you, child,” you muttered out loud, snagging the tool from Aubrey’s fingers as she shifted two glasses in front of you.

“You are welcome,” she laughed as you opened the wine, pulling the foil from the neck enough to get at the cork. “You ok?” she asked, finally taking your appearance in. “You feel ok?” she tried again when you ignored her as you struggled with the bottle. “I’ll be better when this fucking thing is open,” you mumbled.

She placed her hand on yours. “Don’t hurt yourself,” she tried, pulling the bottle closer to herself. “Why don't you just ask Sy for help?”

You froze, your glance moved quickly from the label on the bottle to her face, wondering what exactly she was implying. You must have looked confused, because she clarified. “With the bottle...unless you...” she tried to hide her smirk with her hand, but you catch it before she does.

Were you that obvious? “No.” You have no idea what you are answering but the answer is no, right?

“But you want to,” she assessed from behind her hand, her eyes taking you in with glee and amusement.

The flush darkened on your cheeks, your ears joining in on the embarrassment. “That's... ohmygodshutup,” you mutter softly, with a glance over your shoulder at Jolene and Madre, the room, the house suddenly seeming way too small. With a wild yank on the bottle, you managed to get it open a split second before you could opt to run from the house and never come back again. Ignoring Aubrey’s insistent stare, you filled the two glasses in front of you, over filling one. Tossing the opener still holding the cork to the counter, you sipped just enough from the glass that threatened to spill over before grabbing it and the bottle. You quickly moved into the dining room. As you settled in a chair facing the doorways to both the kitchen and the front hallway, you took a healthy (or unhealthy depending on your opinion on the matter) drink from the glass, half emptying it as Aubrey followed behind you. “We are just gonna be in here chatting if you need anything,” she sing-songily called to the other two women, knowing that Madre was just waving the two of you to relax and sit.

The younger woman took the seat next to you, her face filled with glee and intrigue, which you chose to ignore, or at least tried to. “Shut it,” you grumble from inside your glass’s bowl. “Did you-”

“I said shut it,” you insisted.

Nodding, she shifted tactics. “He’s a good guy, you know,” she offered with too casual of a shrug before taking a sip from her own glass, her eyes trained on the table top. “Daddy always liked him,” she said softly, her voice tight as she sipped again.

It was your turn to look at her with intrigue, but before you could ask what the backstory was between Clay and the other man, hell between her and Sy, the front door opened and booted feet came down the hall. Sy regarded you two with that same raised eyebrow he gave you earlier, only his eyes were softer as he wandered into the kitchen. “Ready for the meat,” he announced to Madre, his face split with a toothy grin. With her own broad smile, she slipped a platter off the counter and into his hands and patted his cheek, something you had seen her do countless times with Cougar and even with Jake and the other Losers. She adored her boys, her love was unending for any of them. And they in turn returned it with just as much zest as she did. It brought such warmth to your chest and -your old nemesis- tears to your eyes.

To hide them, you lifted the glass to your lips and swallowed a mouthful or maybe two or three. By the time you came up for air, Sy had stepped back outside and Jolene came into the room carrying bowls of food. Aubrey fussed and ushered her into a chair as you instantly hopped to your feet insisting she should be sitting. The momma-to-be just rolled her eyes at all of you but relented, settling in the chair on the opposite side of Aubrey. By the time all of the food was moved to the table, Aaran returned with a plate full of beautifully charred skirt steak. The scent of wood smoke surrounded you as he leaned in behind you to place it in the center of the table, taking the opportunity to press his fingers of his opposite hand against your side as he straightened back up. You shot him a glare which earned you a bit of the handsomely alluring smirk in return.

You almost tripped over your own feet as you moved to your seat, reaching for your near empty glass as Madre entered the room, putting Sy next to you. Draining the liquid, you reached for the bottle and refilled the glass. Your favorite youngest member in attendance wandered back into the room with the second bottle already opened in her hand along with a pitcher of water and a fresh beer for Aaran tucked in her elbow.

The five of you shared your meal with only slightly awkward conversation, or at least that’s as you perceived it as you continued to imbibe your liquid courage, your mental diatribe shaming you for what had happened in the other room; you felt like everyone at the table was judging you for your traitorous thoughts and actions, making you slink down into your chair as you picked at your meal.

The conversation around you jumped through what was going on in everyone’s life, the other 4 falling into comfortable dialog. Joining in on the conversation only when called to, you were lost in your own head, the heat from Sy sitting so close and his scent, god his scent had your brain completely turned inside out with impure thoughts as well as an overwhelming sense of guilt.

As you reached to empty the second wine bottle, Aubrey’s hand landed over the top of your glass. If looks could have killed, yours would have at least amputated that hand as she smilingly pleaded with you to cut it out. A large warm hand landed on your thigh, gently squeezing as Sy refilled your glass with ice water instead. You turned your murderous gaze to him, which only earned you a concerned smile.

You hated them both, you conceded as you sipped your water. All of them, you changed your mind as you caught Jolene’s soft smile. You chose to ignore reading Madre’s expression. Her disapproval would just kill you to your soul and you didn’t need that today.

Instead of sticking around to be judged, you opted to start clearing the table, shooing everyone else to stay seated as you took their dishes into the kitchen. Aubrey silently ignored your wishes bringing you a few of the serving bowls, squeezing your arm as she set your water glass within easy reach of the sink as you scraped your plate into the trash. You kissed her cheek in thanks and then smacked her ass with a hand towel, sending her scooting back into the dining room with a wide grin.

Sy of course entered the kitchen with a raised eyebrow of curiosity and a hint of dirty intent as he took in your handling of Aubrey. Narrowing your eyes at him, you just quietly shook your head as he set the last of the serving dishes on the counter for you. You tried to ignore him but the infuriating man took the chance to simply squeeze your shoulders and deposit a kiss on the side of your head as you took another sip of water. You may have noticed him offer you his ass as he walked back toward the other room but you chose to not acknowledge it with anything more than a singular middle finger held up, your eyes focused on which dish to clean next.

You had to admit to yourself you liked this shift between you and Aaran, even if it gnawed at you that it was too early to be exploring something new with someone. Jake’s death was only a few months ago. You owed it to him to mourn more before moving one, didn’t you? The man who meant the world to you, the love of your life, your forever, deserved more than to be swept aside a mere 2 months after his death.

But did allowing Sy into your life in a more intimate capacity really diminish what you felt for Jake? Here was the real issue for you, and the true reason you kept reaching for the alcohol tonight. It really didn’t diminish anything, you were clearly still grieving the loss of your husband. You were likely going to grieve him as long as you drew breath. It wouldn’t matter when you let someone else into your life, today or ten years from now. No one would ever replace Jake.

Wiping at the tears that leaked out of your eyes, you continued with your task, your shoulders a little less burdened, your consciousness a little less pain ridden. Once the coffee machine quit percolating and the dishwasher was turned on, you returned to the table a bit lighter than you had left it. Setting miss-matched mugs and the pot on the table top, you waved Sy back into his chair again as you turned to grab the milk and sugar.

Jolene called behind you. “There’s a-”

“Pie on the counter,” you finished, having seen the baked good, and knowing Jolene's inability to show up for a dinner empty handed. “Got it.”

You couldn't stop the man from following at the mention of dessert. Giving him a light eye roll, the two of you silently moved through the kitchen, both of you having made yourselves at home at Madre’s countless times. You found yourself relishing in the feel of his light touches, the comfort you felt from him helping you gather all you needed from the kitchen, your mind finally relaxing into the possibilities of this being a thing.

Madre patted your arm and smiled at you as settled the stack of dishes and pile of cake forks next to the beautiful pie Jolene had brought with her. You turned to grab your wine glass of water you had left on the counter, leaving Aaran to the honors of slicing the pie into the desired slice sizes of the other three women.

When you returned, you found a sizable piece of blueberry pie on a plate in your spot, much larger than anything you could fully consume, especially after you may have helped yourself to a scoop or two too many of one of Madre’s signature dishes at dinner. You groan silently as you stab your fork into the pie, half of your forkful filled with crust. Snagging the flaky pastry with your finger tips, you slip it in your mouth, catching Sy watching you from the corner of your eye.

“What?” you whisper incredulously at him, wondering what caused his interest.

With a not so hidden smile and a shake of his head, he turned back to his own dessert, cutting a portion of it to shovel into his own mouth, turning his eyes back to Jolene who was telling a story down on the other end of the table.

The meal ended shortly thereafter with Jolene’s announcement that she needed to get home and into bed. At her insistence that you all should stay and continue to visit, you drained your coffee cup as Syverson snagged your pushed aside half full plate of pie, settling it on his own empty plate. Ignoring him, you stood and followed Jolene to the kitchen after she hugged Aubrey and Madre and waved at Sy. You babbled about the upcoming classes the two of you were attending later that week. You promised to be by after work, and the two of you would go grab dinner before the class started.

“Night!” came the chorus of voices from the table as the two of you walked to the front door through the dining room. At the end of the hall, you held the door open for her as she stepped over the threshold onto the porch. She shushed you, waiting until you quit your babbles about how helpful you were going to be to her and how she had this mother thing down. With a soft dewy eyed look that could very well be a trick of the porch light, she bit her lip. “He seems like he’s good for you,” she told you softly.

Your mouth fell open at her comment. “Who? Sy?” Your sluggish brain whirled at the perceived permission from another widow to allow this new man into your life.

“No the fucking mail man, you dumbass,” she laughed, wiping at her eyes. She kissed your cheek, squeezing you tight before turning to step from the porch. “Love you!” she called as she walked to her car.

“Love you too,” you repeated automatically but not insincerely as your heart pounded hard in your chest. This might be ok with others?

Chapter 8

Tag lists

General Tag List: @littleone65, @mysweetlittledesire BBTF Tag List: @mis-lil-red @sconnie-doesnt-know HC Tag LIst: @m07belzen @used-to-be-bourbonwithice @hawklin

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