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corvidae-00 · 3 days

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Please some jealous (kind of toxic ) joost but with a happy ending 🙏🙏🙏🙏

A/N: **fiddles fingers maliciously** this- I love this- He would so be sorta toxic and totally let his ego get ahead of him- this is gonna be fun to write! I hope you like it!!!!- GN!Reader x Joost :> CW: Toxic mannerisms, Marko is being used as the reason Joost gets worked up- (I love Marko I swear-), swearing, Angry Joost, tinny witty bitty bit of angst, Joost overthinking, smoking. (Let me know if I missed anything!! Word count: 1,747

The after party for eurovisions semi final was packed with the singers and the energy in the room was for sure through the roof. Joost your good friend and his group invited you to come with, Joost wanting to share this moment with you more than anything- the excitement and hype of everyone putting their hearts out there and competing only to come together to talk about how much happened, having you there would make it even better, if that would be even possible.

You agreed to come along, not that you had much choice, the Dutchman having begged and nagged and spammed you until you agreed. Not that you didn't want to come! But you knew you would stand out like a sore thumb, probably hang out by a corner waiting for the delicious food to be available or not so crowded. Looking over your outfit and the time you smile pleased with how you look and wonder slightly if Joost would too. You have had the biggest crush on him since a few months after you got to know him, the feelings having appeared and clung onto you with every ounce of power possible, and honestly? You were fine with that. Smoothing out your clothes you look at the time and decided if you want to make it in time you absolutely had to leave.

Grabbing your bag you left your hotel you had booked for the event and quickly drove over to the Venue like Joost told you it would be, not leaving the Malmo Arena, I guess the hosts didn't want to spend more money renting another place out for the singers, at least it was well know and easy to find. Stepping out of your car you hurry inside showing the security your invite from Joost and entering the main lobby reading your friends text to find the way glaring at the device unsure of what Joost was even trying to explain

"Are you looking for someone?" A strong accented and shy voice came from behind you causing you to turn around and blink a few times at the man in a very midevil looking outfit and gentle eyes holding a cup of what you assumed was water, but could be vodka- maybe he was crazy like that "Sorry- Im Marko.." He quickly introduces himself before continuing "You look extremely lost- Im sorry for spooking you" He says with a genuine tone leading to a smile pulling its way onto your lips. After introducing yourself you look back down at your texts "Im actually here for the after party? my friend- one of the performers invited me and he is quite the character when it comes to instructions..." You rub the back of your neck trying to explain the situation to the stranger who was just as bashful as you "Oh! I was just heading back! I'm not very talkative so I got some air but I can take you to the area they have for us" He offers running his hand through his hair that is surprisingly still in good shape like he had maybe applied hairspray not too long ago "Oh would you??" You put away your phone letting Marko nod and wave his hand indicating you to follow

"So who is your- eh- friend?" Marko looks over at you trying to make small talk. "Oh! His names Joost, he is representing the Netherlands." You explain and Marko's face brightens a little "Oh yes! I enjoy his company!" Marko nods with a smile "Makes sense you two are friends! it seems he can befriend almost everyone" He explains putting a finger to his jaw in what seems to be thought "Do you like cats?" Marko questions as you two get closer to the room, music can be heard from inside. nothing too crazy or club like but maybe just background ambiance "Oh yeah! They are so cute! I don't have any of my own but I like visiting my friends kitty's" You smile watching Marko excitedly pull out his phone "Oh let me show you mine!" He says as you two enter the room Marko going through his camera roll leaning into you to get closer so you can see better

Joost Turns to look at the door, hearing the squeak of the hinges that whines under the weight of it being even cracked open and furrows his brows seeing you walk in with Marko...What was he doing out there? Realizing he must have left the party Joost grows even more confused as to why you two were together- wasn't his directions perfectly understandable? His large blue coat long since shedded, Joost rolls up the sleeves of his white button up and crosses his arms leaning on a table watching the two of you interact. 'he is very close to you' he thinks to himself, a sour taste in his mouth watching you laugh at something he had said 'why is he, the shyer one of the bunch all buddy buddy with you? I mean you always have been so approachable- but that's not fair.' Joost clicks his tongue growing more and more impatient 'what if you are leaving me for him? what if you even forget who invited you here?' Joost can feel his patience thinning and the party getting quieter the more he focuses in on you two. Marko with a big grin on his face and you laughing at a photo he had shown you.

"Hey there you are!" Joost doesn't even recall when he had took strides over- or when he was so close to you he could feel the warm body heat emitting off of you "Marko! How nice of you to find my nieuwsgierig hertje". he purrs looking down at the man who is staring up at him "Oh uh-" Marko looks over at you and then slowly puts his phone away and wraps both hands around his drink "Yeah no issues" Marko nods. "No issues." Joost repeats grinding his molars together forcing a grin. he had never any issues with the Croatian- until he was basically in your arms "Bye-" Marko waves at you with a small smile wanting to escape the current situation and looking at Joost before entering the party again "Joost- You spooked him away" You sigh wrapping your arm around your friend leaning into him and Joost can feel his mind calming "He was too close to you" Joost huffs taking his glasses out of his chest pocket putting them on and pushing them up his nose

"He was showing me his cats-" You raise a brow and Joost looks down at you "that close? I think he just wanted to be up on you" Joost rubs his arms and looks away with annoyance lacing his voice "Whats got you in a mood?" you tug on his shirt and Joost grumbles "Nothing." He reply's and you frown "Nothing my ass, what's wrong" You stand your ground not expecting the tall blonde to drag you out into the hall not caring about his grand exit.

"Nothing is wrong." He snaps once you both get out into the hall "You were all emojis and smiles before you saw me walk in with Marko! he was very sweet." you huff and Joost crosses his arms "Sweet huh? sounds like you have a crush." He fixes his glasses that are slipping off his nose "I just met him Joost, what's up with you?" you frown walking towards him "This is a new side of you" You observe and Joost shakes his head "Im always like this okay?" he throws his hands up and you shake your head

"What- is wrong." you demand and Joost glares "Maybe I don't want to see someone I think highly of with some other guy." He says sarcastically "Highly of?" You push and Joost shakes his head "What are you talking about." You reach for him and Joost grabs your wrist, not hard- you could actually pull away if you wanted too "Someone I have wanted as mine forever, walks in with a guy who clearly was hanging off your every word." Joost pushes through his teeth.

you both stand there still as a wall and Joost observes your face, his pupils scanning you over and avoiding eye contact " you- want me?" You repeat and Joost sighs "onoplettend" he mutters and you shake your head "You cant use your mother tongue to get out of this Joost-" you say and take a shaky breath "Do you like me? like- like like-" You mutter and Joost swallows hard "Ja." He responds and you can feel your face grow hot "Really?" you mutter and Joost drops your wrist "Really. and it really- shook me I guess seeing you come in with him.." Joost grumbles and you shake your head "Your directions were ass" You laugh a little upon noticing Joost's offended face "They were eligible-" He defends and you sigh "I- feel the same- I have for such a long time-" You admit with a small smile "I never thought it was possible-" You shrug and Joost blinks at you like you are speaking in a whole other language

"Not possible-??" he repeats in pure shock "You are the most funniest, smartest, good looking, talented, and so much more of a person that I have ever met." Joost says his eyes going soft and you cant help the silence that comes after your brain still playing catch up with the new information "I wanted to tell you properly- a way you would see me as the same ways I see you..." He rubs his forearms nervously tracing his scattered tattoos. "but I guess-" He smiles "This might do?" he chuckles and you rub your mouth slightly with your hand "It does more than might do- I'm so happy-" You mutter and close your eyes taking a deep breath before walking towards him and embracing him in a big bear hug "You don't know how happy I am that you feel the same way" Joost says exasperated "Next time just tell me you goof than getting all jealous" You tease and Joost shakes his head "I was NOT jealous lets get that straight right now" He states playfully "Okay Mr.Not jealous" You chuckle as Joost wraps his arms around you "how does dinner sound tomorrow night-" He smiles and you nod slightly into his chest "consider it a date." you hum

Dutch translation: Curious deer: "nieuwsgierig hertje". Yes: Ja Oblivious: onoplettend A/N: heheheh I'm just cranking these out!!! I hope you liked it Anon and I hope it was what you were wanting! if not feel free to request again and I'm more than happy to keep writing!!! Thank you all for the love and the requests and everything! it makes my day seeing how many of you like my stuff....thank you! i love you all!!!!!

#x reader #joost klein x reader #joost klein #joost klein x you #joost klein fanfic #joostice #joost x reader

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finxwrites · 2 years

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Stranger Things fic, takes place immediately after season 2. also on ao3!

Waking up was a slow, unpleasant experience. Everything ached. Other sensations filtered in more slowly—the hum of machinery, the smell of antiseptic, the scratch of bedsheets against his skin, a distant background noise of sharp voices and brisk footsteps echoing together into a flat swirl of sound. A rustle of paper to his right. The scratch of a pencil.

The more fully Steve drifted into awareness, the more his head hurt. He tried to sink back into sleep, but the effort just woke him up more. Frowning against the pain sent sharp bursts of new, different pain across his face as he aggravated all the injuries there. By the time he blearily squinted his eyes open to see who was sitting next to him, he was in a terrible mood.

He’d been expecting—he wasn’t sure who, actually. He wasn’t awake enough to hope it might be his parents, which was good since it saved him the disappointment. Nancy, maybe. He didn’t know anyone else who would care enough to sit with him for hours in a hospital. But Nance was—Nance wasn’t his girl anymore. He couldn’t expect anything from her anymore.

Whoever he’d been expecting, he was completely unprepared for the sight of a middle schooler at his bedside. Dustin was jiggling a pencil absently in one hand while he read a textbook in his lap with fierce concentration. Steve stared at him, baffled.

Dustin glanced up at him, and his face transformed completely. His grin was so huge and relieved that Steve actually got scared. Was he worse off than he’d thought? The doctors had said it was just a concussion, but what if they’d found something else while he was asleep?

Before Steve could work up the energy and coordination required to open his mouth, much less formulate a question, Dustin yelled, “Steve! You’re awake!”

That was way too loud. Steve instinctively tried to pull away from the noise, but he was too fuzzy to do more than sort of curl into his shoulders like a geriatric turtle.

“Sorry,” Dustin whispered. Somehow even his whispering was loud. “You have a concussion,” he said, bouncing in his seat.

Steve gave him his best ‘no shit, Sherlock’ glare.

“You gotta stay the night under observation,” he continued, undeterred, and then he was off: an impenetrable wall of babble as he rattled off all of Steve’s symptoms, the doctors’ proposed treatment plan (which was just painkillers and bed rest, as far as Steve could tell), the different types of concussion, warning signs to look out for in case Steve was actually going to keel over in three days, and a few miscellaneous fun facts about head trauma sprinkled in for flavor. There was no order, rhyme, or reason to the barrage of information.

It was…sweet. In a really nerdy way. Steve was still in an annoying amount of pain, but his bad mood was somehow slipping away, even though Dustin’s volume had climbed again almost immediately to something that was doing Steve’s headache no favors. Steve gave up trying to follow what Dustin was saying after a bit and just lay there blinking vaguely. He figured the kid would eventually wind down on his own.

The kid did not wind down on his own. Instead he started showing Steve the medical textbooks he’d gotten from the library, and then the notes he was compiling on head trauma generally and concussions specifically. This was followed by an impassioned indictment of the library’s five-books-only policy, and then by the thrilling tale of how he’d stolen those medical textbooks right under the librarian’s nose.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Steve finally said. He didn’t think he’d slept more than maybe five hours. He was still bone-tired, and the sunlight slipping through the window blinds didn’t really feel like afternoon light.

Dustin, interrupted mid-word, scoffed and flapped a hand at him. “Lucas will take notes for me.”

Steve frowned, but he couldn’t find a way to ask what he really wanted to know. Why are you here? Aren’t you bored? Don’t you have anything better to do? Why do you care?

Dustin didn’t notice Steve’s confusion. He launched right back into his endless chatter, this time on the topic of hospital food and how much it sucked. Steve was too tired to interrupt him again.

Eventually a nurse came in to check on Steve. Dustin sat on the edge of his seat through the whole interaction, asking a thousand questions. The nurse glanced at Steve a few times like he might object, which was probably a good thing for, like, medical consent reasons or whatever, but Steve truly didn’t care what Dustin knew or didn’t know about Steve’s stupid concussion. He shrugged the nurse’s concern away every time.

The nurse gave Steve a fresh round of drugs, and Dustin strict instructions to let Steve rest. Dustin nodded solemnly. When the nurse left, he actually stayed silent, bending his head back over his textbook and going back to his notes. He shot Steve furtive little looks every fifteen seconds, and then smiled a little awkwardly every time at being caught.

Steve felt kind of like he should say something, but he had no idea what. Thank you, probably, but that felt somehow too blunt, too raw. So he stared at the ceiling and pretended he couldn’t feel Dustin’s eyes on him.

The drugs kicked in after some twenty minutes. Steve slipped gratefully into a dreamless sleep.

The next time Steve drifted toward consciousness, it was to a pitched argument over…pork?

He recognized the voices, but it took longer than it should have to place them. Drugs, he eventually realized. That was probably why nothing hurt.

“But porks are evil!” someone said, nonsensically. It was possible the drugs were affecting more than just his pain receptors.

“Not half-porks,” said someone else. “Or at least, they don’t have to be.”

“Okay, that’s true,” conceded the first voice. “But they’re still, like, assumed to be evil.”

“Plus they have a charisma penalty,” said a third voice, like that settled it. Dustin, Steve thought.

“I don’t see the problem,” muttered the second voice. Steve had heard that particular tone of aggrieved sarcasm a dozen times before, at family dinners with Nancy—that was Mike.

“It doesn’t work,” Dustin insisted. “He should have a charisma buff. Shut up, Mike, you know it’s true. Nancy wouldn’t have gone for him otherwise. And he’s, like, king of the jocks.”

“You gotta admit,” said someone new, “the club does look kind of like the nail bat.”

“But he’s not evil,” the first voice said stubbornly. Steve finally recognized it as Lucas. And then realized, confusedly, that they were talking about him.

And also pork, for some reason. “He doesn’t have to be evil,” Mike said exasperatedly. “Half-porks are strong. They get knocked down, they get up again. It fits.”

“I guess.” Lucas didn’t sound entirely convinced. “I still say he should be an elf. Maybe a sylvan elf, they get a bonus to strength, don’t they?”

Steve forced himself all the way awake out of sheer bafflement. “What are you gremlins talking about?” he rasped.

Four voices yelled, “Steve!” all at once. Steve groaned and regretted his choices.

“Quiet!” Dustin said, very loudly. “He got fucking whack-a-moled, guys, he’s got the mother of all headaches. We gotta be quiet.”

Steve did not have the mother of all headaches, because Steve was on the good shit and couldn’t even feel his face. He elected not to mention this, on the off chance that something might actually induce the little fuckers to pipe down.

There was a chorus of apologies. The fourth kid—not Will; with a herculean effort, he realized it had to be Max—asked, “How are you feeling?”

Steve laughed. It came out as kind of a gross snorting sound, which was how he discovered one of his nostrils was blocked. Probably with blood, he reflected sadly. The gross snorting turned into a cough, which for some reason precipitated another eruption of yelling. Small hands pressed into Steve’s shoulders, pushing him upright. Someone shoved a paper cup into his face hard enough to dent the cup and tipped water into his mouth. Steve managed, at the last minute, to close his lips around it so he wouldn’t dribble all over himself.

It hurt to swallow while his body was still trying to cough, but it was better than spewing water everywhere. And it did help—it didn’t soothe his cough so much as choke it into submission, but whatever. If it worked, it worked. And by the time the cup was empty and his coughing had given up and subsided, Steve was fully awake.

He peered around blearily. Lucas and Dustin were holding him upright, one on each side. Mike was leaning over him, paper cup in one hand, wide-eyed with worry. The worry turned to disdain the second Steve looked at him, and he pushed away with a huff to drop into a chair against the wall behind Dustin.

Max was in the chair next to him, a three-ring binder in her lap. The unformed sarcasm on Steve’s tongue died at the guilty, hunted look on her face. “I’m fine, kid,” he said instead. “I’m super high, I feel great.”

Apparently that wasn’t the right thing to say. Max just looked alarmed now. “From the drugs,” Steve clarified.

This did not seem to improve things. Dustin patted his shoulder. “That’s great, buddy.” He sounded like he had in the car on the way to the tunnels, like Steve was some kid he was baby-talking. Steve fished for a suitably scathing comeback to put him in his place.

Dustin and Lucas lowered him gently back to the bed while he was still fishing. They both looked so concerned that Steve felt bad for trying to come up with an insult, so instead he asked, “What’s a half-pork?”

They both blinked at him in bafflement for a moment, which was vaguely gratifying for some reason—reciprocity, maybe, it was only fair that Steve not be the only confused person in the room—and then Lucas’s face contorted as he tried desperately to hold back a gale of laughter. “Do you mean half-orc?” he wheezed.

This set Dustin to guffawing, and Mike followed soon after. Lucas slumped over onto Steve’s lap, shoulders shaking silently. “Pork!” Dustin squeaked, and Mike laughed harder. Even Max was giggling.

Steve looked around at them all, deeply put out. It was stupid to be hurt that a bunch of middle schoolers were laughing at him, but he was very high, and he still had no idea what the hell they were saying. “Fine,” he grumbled. “Whatever. Wake me up when I’m less drugged, I guess.”

“Sorry,” Lucas gasped. “Sorry. It’s just—”

“We’re not laughing at you, we’re just really glad you’re okay,” Dustin said, grinning like the sun. Steve swallowed around a sudden inexplicable lump in his throat.

“We are also totally laughing at him,” Max pointed out.

Steve pouted at her. Her smile shrank, overtaken by that wary, hunted look.

Before Steve could do more than stare at her in confused dismay about it, Mike said importantly, “A half-orc—not pork, oh my god—is a character race in Dungeons and Dragons. They’re huge and strong. And orcs usually fight with a club, which is basically a fantasy baseball bat.”

“We’re trying to figure out what you should play in DnD,” Dustin explained. “I say you’d be a human fighter. Maybe a cavalier.”

Steve blinked at him. He considered pointing out that he already was a human fighter, or at least he was a human who got into fights every year around Halloween. Then he considered pointing out that he was never going to play their weird nerd game anyway, so it didn’t matter. But apparently his input in this conversation was not required, because no one paused long enough to hear what he thought of any of it.

Mike snorted. “What, because he has a car?”

“I mean, yeah,” Dustin shrugged, “it’s like a modern war horse, isn’t it?”

“Nah,” Lucas said, a teasing edge to it, “I think that makes him a zoomer.”

Steve gave up. None of this was going to start making sense any time soon, not with the amount of drugs he was on and possibly just not ever. He had no idea why there were four children spouting gibberish in his hospital room, but he didn’t have the energy to even begin trying to get rid of them. He lay back and resigned himself to being babbled over.

And anyway, it was kind of nice to have some company. Even if it was a bunch of nerdy twerps who mostly ignored him.

Mike huffed. “There’s no such thing as a zoomer.”

“There is now,” Lucas said, blatant adoration suddenly all over his face as he looked over at Max. Max squirmed in her seat, but she was fighting down a smile.

“That was pretty awesome,” Dustin agreed, giggling a bit. “Come on, Mike, you gotta admit it was badass.”

Mike rolled his eyes, but he was suppressing a smile too. “It was kinda badass,” he allowed.

“It was totally badass,” Lucas corrected.

Dustin laughed. “It was bitchin’.”

Apparently that was some kind of inside joke, because all the boys laughed. Max was grinning now, small and pleased.

Her smile vanished when she saw Steve looking at her. She flinched and glanced quickly away. Steve frowned, bewildered. Did she not like him or something? But she didn’t seem mad, she just kept looking kind of hunted. Was she scared of him? Shit, did Steve remind her of Billy? Maybe she was scared of any older guy, considering what her asshole brother was like. But she hadn’t seemed scared of Steve before, not at the junkyard and not at the Byers’ house. Was it because she’d seen him fight Billy? Did she think Steve was violent like Billy, that he’d be violent with her?

Steve stared at the ceiling, sick to his stomach. The kids kept talking, but he couldn’t focus on their voices. A little girl was scared of him. And not just any girl, but one who’d taken the existence of monsters in stride, who hadn’t hesitated to make herself bait for demodogs just so El could have a better chance of reaching the gate. These kids were some of the bravest people Steve had ever met, and one of them was scared of him.

Max thought Steve was worse than monsters from the Upside Down.

Dustin jostled his shoulder. “Steve. Steve! Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

Dustin and Lucas were both leaning over him. Steve looked between them in confusion. “What? What’s wrong?”

“You’re crying,” Lucas said. He looked spooked.

“I am not!” Steve squawked. He blinked a few times and was horrified to find that his eyes were, in fact, a little watery. “Stupid goddamn drugs,” he swore. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. Ugh.”

“Should we call a nurse?” Lucas asked. “Do you need more painkillers?”

“He can’t have another dose yet!” Dustin cried before Steve could answer. “It’s too soon, it’ll fuck him up!” He jostled Steve’s shoulder again. “Are you in pain?” he demanded, sounding almost scared. “Because if you are then the drugs aren’t working and that’s a big deal, okay, we have to tell the nurse, so you gotta tell us—”

“I’m fine!” Steve swatted at his hand. “I swear, dude, you can calm down. I was just—thinking. The drugs are making me emotional, that’s all.”

Dustin’s eyes narrowed. “What are you emotional about?”

“Nothing!” Steve shoved at him ineffectually. “Jeez, let a guy be concussed in peace, won’t you?”

“We can go,” Max said in a small voice. Steve looked past Dustin and found her shutting the binder in her lap and slipping it into a backpack at her feet. Her shoulders were hunched up almost to her ears. “We shouldn’t be bugging you, not after—Come on, guys, he needs to rest.”

“Hey, no,” Steve said, regretting every drop of irritation. “That’s not what I mean. You guys can stay.”

Max’s eyes flicked up to him and then away again, almost too fast to see. “I know you don’t want a bunch of stupid kids hanging around being annoying while you’re—” She swallowed, cutting herself off.

“I don’t mind,” Steve said helplessly. He didn’t know how to convince her that he was nothing like Billy, that he’d never get mad at her like that, that she didn’t have to be afraid.

“But I—” She glanced up at him again, and this time her gaze lingered long enough for him to see the overwhelming guilt in her eyes. And Steve realized that he was an idiot.

She wasn’t afraid he’d hurt her. She was afraid he’d hate her, because her asshole brother beat his face in.

“I don’t mind,” he said again, because he couldn’t figure out how to say, I’m the one who punched him, I knew what I was getting into, better me than any of you. “Just—sit down. Tell me what the hell a zoomer is.”

The wary suspicion on Max’s face was heartbreaking. “Please?” Steve tried. It came out a little bit desperate. He had no idea what he’d do if she stormed out. Nothing, probably, he had no goddamn clue how to talk to children, but also he might cry about it because the drugs really were wreaking havoc on his emotions.

She didn’t storm out. She also didn’t do anything else. She just stood there, frowning at him in deepening uncertainty, searching his face for—a lie, maybe, or the moment when he’d turn around and say no, actually, she could go fuck herself.

“Max is a zoomer,” Lucas said into the silence. “She’s the party zoomer. She gets us where we need to go.”

He said this like it was super important and meaningful or something. Dustin nodded approval. Mike smiled a little ruefully. “Yeah,” he agreed, “party zoomer.”

Max unhunched a little at that. She looked to Steve again, raising her eyebrows a bit like, Are you sure? Steve nodded hurriedly. “Sounds cool,” he said inanely. “Party zoomer.”

Slowly, watching him the whole time, Max sank back into her chair. Steve did his best to project approval and acceptance and all that shit, but he was pretty sure it was the relief he accidentally let through when she finally sat all the way down that brought something almost like a smile to her face.

He grinned back, too wide like an idiot. He was absolutely blaming that on the drugs. She rolled her eyes and turned away, but this time she was still smiling when she did.

“I guess we could homebrew a zoomer class,” Mike said. That must have meant something good, because Lucas beamed at him. In another moment the boys were all throwing nonsense words back and forth at each other. Steve lay back, not bothering to pay attention, content to just watch their excitement.

Max chimed in from time to time, though from the boys’ reactions it was clear she had no more idea than Steve what the hell they were talking about. But she was laughing. Every once in a while she’d glance sidelong at Steve, and when he caught her at it he made sure to smile at her. The tension seeped out of her, a little more each time, until at last she was just as bright and happy as the boys.

Steve fell asleep to the sound of incomprehensible bickering. His last, wistful thought before he did was that he hadn’t felt this peaceful in months.

#stranger things #I remembered today that I've been sitting on this bc I couldn't find a good title #so I tried once more #and honestly I'm still not super into it? but the song it's from is the right vibe #and I want to hurry up and post this #this is kind of a funny one bc I read through it and I kinda wince sometimes – it's definitely not my best work #but! it does make me happy #I'd probably have to rewrite it to fix my issues with it #and I don't want to do that #not just bc that's more work than I want to do #but because I like the feel of it and I don't want to ruin that by trying to polish it into something it doesn't want to be #because honestly I like what it is #climbed a mountain and I turned around

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