#bc I kept thinking about it all
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#good news first: it's a sunny day! yay!#and it's also Friday!#and we've got a hearing this morning AND then we're going to another courthouse which is supposedly very pretty!#now the mid news: I'm gonna spend all day with *them*#which I am inordinately happy about#but also#now that I know they're ~spoken for~ this is only going to make it worse for me#like I don't look forward to deepening this crush at this point in my life#should I also add that I've barely slept?#like I was dead tired got home past 10 pm#and then couldn't fall asleep until 2 am#bc I kept thinking about it all#(and blasting music in my ears)#where is the bad news you ask?#here ya go#first of all I'm even more nauseated now that I've got this new piece of info#(which at least somehow has the merit of corroborating my theory that it's all psychological/stress/etc)#second of all I'm hyper mad at myself for crushing so hard on a near stranger#and I've got a whole different kind of stomach ache every time I think about yesterday#and how it came out that they've got a girlfriend#third of all I've got no idea what to wear today bc I feel like I've run out of outfits this week?
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some of you people are so obsessed with having an acceptable group to ‘punch up’ at that you would rather pretend a marginalized group are Basically The Oppressors™ than listen to their valid criticisms about the fact that ‘punching up’ very rarely hits the intended target, and the majority of the actual damage of that act is suffered by fellow marginalized people in your own community. there is a significant difference between venting frustrations about privileged groups and just outright attacking anyone who (you assume) experiences that axis of privilege regardless of - and in many cases outright denying - their actual lived experiences. it goes far beyond just ‘venting frustrations’ when what you’re really doing is trying to find a moral justification to bully people you don’t like, and when your own desire for catharsis and moral superiority leads to ignoring the voices of the vulnerable people you hurt. you’re not ‘punching up’ - you just like punching people for the sake of punching.
#in writing this im primarily thinking about#transandrophobia#but i kept the language vague bc really its much more widespread than this one issue#this post is about all the queer groups that get ostracized for not being oppressed enough or having ‘too much privilege’#getting lumped in w the oppressors bc we are assumed to have the same privilege and power as them even when we quite literally do not#gaining conditional privileges for not being visibly/openly queer is not the same as having systemic privilege.#at best it’s a defense mechanism that comes with the constant threat of having that privilege revoked should anyone realize you’re queer#if being ‘privileged’ requires hiding or not acknowledging part of your identity then it’s not really a privilege.#my posts#hello future me coming back to edit the tags to say this isnt even a phenomenon exclusive to queerness either#its also relevant to race/disability/etc. i just mainly had queerness in my mind when i wrote the op
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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
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chapter 90 vash
#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun maximum#trimax spoilers#trigun spoilers#i forget how the blacklist stuff works on tumblr again... uncertain whether it matters or not for it to be in the caption itself#anyway my mind was reflecting again on the later chapters of trigun :lying down: i'm not sure how to collect my thoughts#but i think all the time about vash's “if i shoot him now she'll die” line in ch 15#and considering vash haven't had long at all to grieve after ch 64... aughh... augh.... mourning both of them in ch 91#vash's emotional state after 64 is really so. It's devastating watching him bc he's still being all smiley around his friends and allies#but when he's alone - charging the bullets and during those first two battles - he's just so quiet#and all of that kept emotion just breaks like a dam in 90... all of that to say.. legato is really incredible dgmks#ruporas art
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the funniest possible thing that could happen is if mercedes keeps hiring childhood best friends for their team and everybody's holding their breath waiting for them to tear each other apart like brocedes except it doesn't happen bc everyone else is normal about each other and brocedes is just that fucked up that they would've torn each other apart even if they were on different teams
#i like to think that in this hc both nico and lewis were waiting for the new team to tear each other apart just so they could feel like what#happened to them was an inevitability. except the new team doesn't tear each other apart and now they have to deal with the fact it was#their faults. not competing for the championship or the stress of being on the same team but just them. ripping each other apart for even#the slightest advantage. just them digging their fingers into the rotting carcass of their childhood friendship to hit each other where it#hurts. just them cannibalizing their childhood dream for even the most miniscule chance of beating each other. and what do you do then?#when the reason your friendship fell apart is bc you two couldn't put each other before the trophy? and what do you do when you know that#you wouldn't be you if you chose each other? what then? maybe it was inevitable. maybe it was fate.#auugh i love the inevitability of tragedies!!! this all came bc ppl kept saying that albon in merc would be brocedes 2.0 and like no!!! no#will ever be brocedes 2!!! nobody has the drama or the ethos/pathos/logos to be brocedes 2.0!! you dont have the frosties or the dreams or#greece!!! you dont have greece!!! and more importantly!!! nico and lewis were /weird/ about each other!!! no 1 else on this grid is weird#about each other the way nico and lewis were/are!!! nobody else is obsessed with each other the way they were!!!#anyway breakdown over#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#brocedes#f1
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The transgender contrast of loving your parents but also for Trust Reasons longing for an additional external authority figure you can count on more unconditionally to support or protect you that totally doesn’t risk becoming a kink
#my stuff#haha yeah i’m so loyal and trusting and will serve you unto death#this in no way is derived from the agony of being misgendered by my parents all my life#which is ongoing btw bc ‘there’s nobody we know that i trust to talk about your transition with’#LIKE HM MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABT WHY THAT IS#MAYBE ITS BC THOSE PPL ARE IGNORANT CUNTS THEN#anyway haha what if you were my superior officer and i killed for you like a dog#what if you were my god and i followed your compulsion to kill and eat until you were satisfied#what if you kept me to yourself and looked after me in private as i do you in public#what if my loyalty was rewarded#what if i had no obligation but duty to you#what if you made it all ok
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years later someone buys the plot, turns on the lights and is suddenly worshipped as a sun god by a bunch of puppets falling apart at the seams
pov you break into the spooky abandoned Playfellow Studios building for shits and giggles
#lore tidbit! the plot is not available for purchase#the building is only Technically abandoned. its still very much Owned private property!#actually ive been thinking about the Other side of this au. the people's perspective#cause in this au at least they all Knew the puppets were alive#many employees - especially the ones working 'closest' to the puppets - put up a huge fight when the show got canceled#but it was either Disassemble (kill) Them or Lock Them Away#and honestly? killing the neighbors would've been somewhat of a mercy#but the employees had no way of knowing just how Bad things would get#wh lights out au#scribble salad#and i mean. the building's electricity bill remains paid.#the employees that felt really bad kept it paid over the years - devoting a bit of their income each to it#thinking the puppets would a) be awake & b) be able to figure it out#yeah that's actually a lil fun tragic tidbit as well - if any of the puppets had found the breaker....#or found it and Messed with it a lil... flipped the right switch...#they would've gotten the lights back on no problem#but yeah anyway ive been Thinking about the employees' side of things a lot#might tie that in with act two. it'd make sense considering the shit that happens#well either they'd help the puppets out or they'd get shoved into one of the sinkholes by barnaby. so.#bc if we're talkin seriously here. the puppets are more likely to kill a person than worship them for any reason#they'd go full 'THREAT!! THREAT!! ELIMINATE THE THREAT!!! WE'RE NOT LOSING ANYONE ELSE!!!' mode
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Gender performance is my dad deciding to grow a mustache at age 50 and keeping it for as long as I’ve known him because “dads should have mustaches”
#A+ in gender performance Dr dad 👨🏻#text#friends will know I have absolutely said this before#but I literally haven’t stopped thinking about it since my older cousin told me that he said this#same way I still think about how my sister realised he doesn’t like onions when we were 20#bc he kept picking all the green onions off the tofu HE made and casting them aside#and even my mom didn’t know he didn’t eat onions#and he’s right…… If I ever become a dad I too shall grow a mustache……#btw my cousin had his baby last year and guess what is on his face rn
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Skip has always found a way to work through his problems and turn them around with relative ease, but the sudden death of his wife, Brandi, has brought his mostly carefreeness towards his children to a stand-still. With two freshly traumatized children and a newborn under his belt, can Skip juggle turning his shitty ass life around for his family, or will he crumble under the weight of his past mistakes?
Darleen hasn’t been the same since her husband, Darren, died, though she’d be quick to argue with you if you said anything of the sort. She’s FINE! She misses her husband, undoubtedly, but she’s not going to let that very, very, very tiny thing wreck her whole life, and she’s not going to let people give her grief about ANYTHING. Sure, she got fired from her job a few months back and hasn’t made any strides to find a new one, and she’s losing touch with her son as she goes and squanders all her responsibilities by partying and drinking on par with younger years, aaaaaaaaaaaaand the almost obsessive idealistic crush she’s developed on her neighbor is clouding the second half of her judgment, but she’s bounced back from worse and knows everything’s going to come up Darleen :) …………. hopefully
#POSTING THIS BC IVE HAD IT DONE FOR 2 MONTHS KINDA? i kept feeling uninspired andiffy abt it tho so it just made me not want to finish it#posting this before i change my mind i hate darleens desc but its the only one im rockin with at the same time#ANYWAYS BASE D ON A SEMI AU IDEA IVE BEEN THINKING OF. WTV. DUSITN AN DIRK WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE YOUNGER FOR THIS AU TO MAKE SENSE. but#idc it just for funsies#common skip and darleen l's tbh#i support my alcoholic delusional wife in these dire times.#💙#other names for these pics:#pls dont ask skip and darleen where their children r bc they dont kno#the painful ass crick darleens about tohave in her neck when she wakes up#skip doesnt know how to hold a baby apparently and its not bc there was something wrong with how i rigged him nooooooooo#gordon pls leave ppl alone and get a life#in my maxis dev 04 era the way these pics r so lazy#POTRAYING DARLEEN AS A GIRLFAILURE honestly. love fail darleen i need to do it more and show it more.#thats all if u read these tags i think ur in love with me and we should kiss
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Every time I read Fernando cursing in fic, I can only think about this clip and then my brain short-circuits
#i have many feelings i shall not disclose about this clip#but i thought abt it again bcs in some fic i was reading it had fernando saying 'joder'#AND THIS CLIP JUST SHOT DIRECTLY INTO THE FOREFRONT OF MY BRAIN#fernando season 1 truly fed us so well#like seriously that show is a fernando fans wet dream theres just...so much...interesting...stuff...#i kept having to replay this clip bcs aaaahhhhhhhh my god.......the cursing...the low tone...the rolling Rs#wdym this clip is about being ahead in a race? all i can hear is sexy cursing and that it is brilliant :)#and nando himself listening back to the clip and just nodding confidently...I AM DEAD HE KILLED ME#(im not really used to reading Spanish J(too used to English J and German J) so the H sound doesnt really pop into my head immediately)#(so i could never really like visualize Spanish speaking charas saying words like joder in a sexy way)#(and then they showed that part in the show and my brain leaked out of my head)#*not actually strollonso but strollonso in my heart because this clip is how I visualize dom Fernando hehehe#i dont remember the ep i think it was either 4 or 5#i think itd be funny if it was 4 tho bcs i think that ep had the most insane clips and gave so much content#(that one had kitty fernando/carlando sr gay drama scene/nando getting railed(thematically)/etc)#fernando alonso#fernando(show)#fa14#formula 1#formula one#f1#we do a little bit of f1#fernando s1e5
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BEACH OUTFIT 💥💥💥💥
He used to surf the web back in 98'.
#the clothes were so difficult for no reason i kept having to edit them#i actually really like this one lol#cunty uncle type thing going on#Also i love the HC that he as a plush tummy thats so cute and im stealing it#i was about to give him flipflops until i realized he cant do that#He had a dolphin print shirt but it looked ugly with the shorts and i really wanted the striped shorts lol#deltarune spamton#spamton#spamton g spamton#spamton fanart#deltarune#deltarune chapter 2#i think it looks fine but still i hope it comes across he's resting his right arm on an invisible prop for the pose lol#there was a small little fella in the back of my mind who wanted to put him in a two piece but i couldnt sorry lmfao#edit: I forgot to write this out but I wanted to put it on any post bc i dont want to post a txt post just for this#but honestly he's gotta be some flavor of queer.#It doesnt matter to me which type all that much but I HC that even though he probably is#he has never been in a relationship and i dont think he ever will#he is so full of himself and he's kind of an ass tbh. That and i doubt he trusts anyone with what he's gone through#even if he got time to heal i dont think he'd ever trust someone enough to make a real relationship that way#Thats it thanks for coming to my ted talk#if you opened the tags here's your secret paragraph & im not sorry#BuwheArt
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thinking abt the kon, bart, and cass (cain) trio again. guys who just never had any semblance of a childhood... i want them to go on a little adventure together. they're just like "we've never done kid stuff let's go be silly for a day!!!" and then kon realizes that out of the three of them, he's gonna be stuck being the closest thing they've got to impulse (haha) control. cass and bart would enable each other about all sorts of things and i need them to get up to shenanigans.
like, i need cass to steal one of bruce's cards so they can go to a theme park together. they're getting photos and kon calls cass "bat-babe" and she calls him "super-stud" and bart's like "i need one of these nicknames too hello??" and cass thinks really hard and goes "imp-ass?" and kon loses his shit. bart's like "that just sounds like impasse. no thanks." and kon looks at cass and says "imp passes," and then breaks into a gigglefit again. bart complains all of the roller coasters go too slow. bart and kon centrifuge poor cass on the teacup ride. she nearly throws up as soon as they get off and then demands to go again. bart challenges her to a candy eating contest and kon's like NO!!!!!!! DO NOT ACCEPT!!!!!!!! HES A SPEEDSTER!!!! so of course cass accepts. and then makes herself sick. bart's still impressed by how fast she can shove candy in her mouth for someone with no superspeed at all though.
also it would be fun if they stumbled upon a murder mystery or something in this theme park. i mean they would be like oh this is fucked up, but i would see it as enrichment in their enclosure or whatever. let cass be a noir detective with her two extremely op sillies as backup. idk. the vibes. you get me??
#rimi talks#dont ask me for an actual plot i do NOT have that in me i just have the ''i want to set these 3 loose in a place together'' energy#bart and cass together will activate kon's mom friend tendencies SO hard.#but like not in the annoying nag way he's just like GUYS... DRINK WATER... APPLY SUNSCREEN...#theyre all having a good time theyre doing silly poses on the roller coaster ride photos#sometimes i think about bringing back the tooth fairy post bc i do think that was SO fun#but then i remember how fucking annoying people who kept missing the point were in the notes#and i let it remain dead ksjdf#kon#bart#cass
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kim daengdaeng my little puppy ㅋㅋ
thank you for always teasing me
and thank you for taking care of me ㅋㅋ gukbap ㅋ
#if u ever find urself thinking 'chan takes care of everyone but who takes care of chan' the answer will always be seungmin#stray kids#seungchan#bang chan#kim seungmin#stray kids gifs#skz#skz gifs#my gifs#cbbc2023#i rewatched their 2kr while making this and ended up crying ksdjgsg ough they're so special to me. ik ive said this about every chan duo#meant it everytime!#but seungchan...dogboy4dogboy....ksm who will always always offer food to chan first bc he knows chan wont eat until everyone else does..#ksm who knows him so well and knows just what he needs and will let him cry all he wants and stay with him while he does ksm who when#chan said he wants to be their pillar and someone they can depend on went 'whatever sides u show us hyung will always be hyung'#hhh i just think. seungmin is incredibly emotinally intelligent and chan is someone who will hide his emotions like they're his best kept#secret and that's why they work so well. seungmin just gets it even if chan doesn't say anything and he knows how to comfort him whether#that takes the form of letting him cry without saying anything or going limp in his arms and not resisting his hugs#anw. normal abt them. if u even care
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#lilligant#THIS is the motherfucker that HEALS all the time in gti#that's the only thing i remember about this thing. they were a pain in gti. and i think it's bc they had a fuckload of health#and kept healing themself. but it's. been a while#don't even remember which dungeon that was in to be quite honest
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fuck it friday
tagged by @hippolotamus @fortheloveofbuddie 💖
so I started a new wip lol 🙈 I really need to work on all the other ones but I'll get to everything haha
so i'm not sure if any of this makes sense for buck tbh but idgaf, this is just me projecting my own thoughts and feelings™️ and making it about him processing his death lol 💁
it is gonna be pre-slash buddie tho bc obviously I have to 😂
ngl i kinda don't wanna share any of it but also i wanna share all of it bc i'm kinda loving how it's turning out haha so fuck it, here are two short snippets haha
___
Ever since he died, Buck has been feeling… off. Numb. Sad. Exhausted. He’s not even sure how to explain it, how to voice it, so he doesn’t. When people ask how he is, he says he’s fine. And he is, he swears he is. He’s okay, he’s alive, he has his amazing friends and family, a job he loves, everything is fine. But… but. He’s not sure what the hell is wrong, but a part of him is not fine. Hasn’t been fine since the lightning strike.
(...)
He doesn’t want to go home. He just wants to keep driving, wherever the road takes him. Driving is good, he likes driving, letting his thoughts wander, listening to music, having control of something. He thinks that’s it, that’s why. Driving is one of the few times he feels fully in control, his feet controlling the speed, hands holding the steering wheel and dictating the direction. Whether he makes it to work or gives into the thoughts that tell him to not turn the wheel and let his car crash into a tree or a building, or another car – it’s all up to him. He doesn’t- he won’t crash his car on purpose, but sometimes he wonders… maybe at least that’ll make him feel something. Make him hurt, make him scared, anything. Make him die, this time permanently- he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t, he swears he doesn’t. He just wonders sometimes, that’s all.
He doesn’t wanna go home, so he decides to keep driving. Just a few more minutes, to clear his head.
___
no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @hoodie-buck @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @nmcggg @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @disasterbuckdiaz @exhuastedpigeon @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess
#fuck it friday#someone take angst away from me - a few months ago I was all about fluffy fluff wtf happened lol#btw this is gonna be lots of buck driving and thinking lol#bc every day on my way to and from work im like: what if i didnt take that exit on the highway and just kept driving and driving and drivin#so yeah lol#im fine tho#buddie wip#buddie fic#buddie#wikiangela writes#my writing#fic snippet#my wips#buck driving fic#<- i guess for now this is the tag lol
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