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remcycl333 · 2 years

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Void/LOA success by 💇‍♀️anon

This post is gonna be a bit lengthy , blunt and unbelievable 😭 also very sloppily written cause i’m havijh so much fun. i really have got out of my comfort zone and I’m so happy i did. No you do not have to follow every step I did! This is simply for motives and inspo.

So, yeah it's obvious i was one who struggled with void and loa blah blah blah for a LONG TIME! I was a hardcore druggie, physical and mentally abused all my life, had a very rare illness and so much more. But who gaf ab the old story. ☠️

So after a day of sending that cringe ass message to u i ended up prioritizing myself. It’s clear I was idolizing void and I’ve been doubting in LOA too like ??? So in the 3D i moved in with my one and only friend, got a job at a fastfood place (pls this is sorta embarrassing), and decided homeschool was much better for me. Also between that time I learned how to correctly manifest and shiz by you and @theandreiaeffect<3. And girlllll literally less than the next week I manifested perfect mental and physical health, my dream job, desired appearance, and 7,000,000$ with a 15,000,000$ home me and my bestie now live in. I was already so happy how it was. Yet after that crazy ass week passed by i woke up in the fucking void. I have no clue how but i did.

Now for what I manifested in void.

- ‘i heard a rumor’ power - a power of this girl from a netflix show. basically you say ‘i heard a rumor ____’ and it happens. its like a brainwash power? its simple to explain but idk. (If u watch that show my fav character is klaus whats urs?)

- Time travel(?) - so when i got in void it was prolly like september 11th 2022. i just said in the void ‘it is August 30th’ and when i woke up it was august 30th as you can tell so now I’m just relapsing my days but in a goodway.

- changed family - my bestie is like family and i changed her appearance to her desired appearance, more cousins, siblings, aunts etc. my dad being a famous nfl star.

- Revenge - basically just fucking with my abusers life the same way they fucked with mine. I have no regrets so🤷‍♀️

- Name and age revision - I always hated my full name so i changed it. I was 17 and just revised that i’m 21. yeah it was a big gap but idc it was worth it for me honestly. i also manifested i’m not gonna die till like 90 and age like wine so.

- a bf- oh let me tell u. i’ve always had a crush on ralph macchio. and now i have a boyfriend who is his twin but even more attractive. his personality and the way he showers me with love is mwah.

- Removing phobias - i’ve always been scared of animals🤦‍♀️ not anymore tho now i have 2 cute lil puppies and a parrot:)

- Vegan restaurants and shops opening up close to me - I’ve been vegan since the beginning of the year due to animal cruelty and just not enjoying meat.

- Immune from getting preggo til 25 - its self explanatory what i be doing but i’m not ready for a baby yet so🤫

- Being protected and safe 24/7 - anyone around me also is aswell its like a invisible barrier to danger

Now those are just a handful of what I manifested. I literally manifested sooooo many other priv things. Just get ur shit together. I have nothing else to tell u. Honestly idk how LOA coaches don’t get fed up with y’all constantly crying ab how u dont got ur shit when u are the reason why. U have a cheatcode to life. Not many people are spiritually awoken. Do you know how fortunate you are to have discover LOA???? Keep this in mind and maybe ya know manifest ur dream life. To Rem, I thought I’d be on tumblr way longer as your anon, but I’d rather go live my life to the fullest for a while. I hope my story leaves an imprint on the LOA community. Andreia, you have also really inspired me. I’m so fucking happy I made a whole 180 with my life. Rem and Andreia, i will NEVER forget what you have done for me. Thank you so much really. I love u guys so much🥲🥲

yesss im so proud of u!!! when u said u traveled back in time from september i got the chills! and baby go live your life and enjoy it, you deserve it!!! come back whenever u want and update us <3

#void success stories #💇‍♀️ anon

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prince-tulip · 9 months

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Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

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potofstewie · 1 year

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I feel like im about to lose my everlasting mind (venting shit bro srry)

I don't want to fold my laundry at all right now

a person that i don't want around has been in the house for the past few days

i need money so bad its not even funny this town sucks in terms of jobs cause nobody wants to hire but say they need folks and im too scared to sell feet pics

i wanna get accepted into college again but my hs counselor is unresponsive with my transcripts and I really need to get in again bc i feel like this is the one thing that could change the tides of life and i don't wanna be stuck here come next winter and i srsly dont know what im gonna do if this doesnt happen

i don't have my license and im feeling myself slowly start to be anxious of driving and i hate it sm and i feel so damn behind and ik i shouldn't compare but i can't help it when some of my younger cousins are already so good at driving while im forgetting skills

i haven't spoken to my friends since like- last year fall i think and none of them wished me happy birthday besides an ex i blocked two years ago and i get ppl be busy w life but oh my god how id kill to go on a late night drive w them and get fries and just talk about anything and everything

i want to fully get back into the groove of writing but i haven't been comfy enough to do so and ive just been constantly uncomfy but i really wanna write but ik that if i force myself imma just hate what i wrote

i've been having the urge to cry for the past few days but ion wanna have my first cry of the year within the first month but even then i cant cry no matter how hard i try

i think i just need a hug

and some edibles

but mostly a hug

mega sigh

ive also been daydreaming a whooole lot more and it's kinda scary not gonna hold yall

but fuck it we ball ig

#stew’s pot of thoughts #vent post

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ferraii2 · 2 years

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im bored...

1. stats:

H: 164cm, hw: 53kg?, cw: 50kg, gw1: 48kg, gw2: 45kg, ugw: 42kg

2. height and do i like it?

164cm. im happy with my height but not my bone structure. it doesnt fit me well.

3. fav thinspo and why

her arms, legs, upper body... shes so tiny.

4. greatest fear about weightloss

eventually gaining back all the weight ive lost.

5. why do i wanna lose weight?

because i think im ugly. i feel like if i lose weight, i'll atleast have something about me that is beautiful and/or desireable.

6. do i binge? if so, why?

binge as in emotional eating? no, i dont, luckily.

7. do my parents know that im tryna lose weight? do they care?

they dont know but even if they did, i dont think they'd have a problem with it or prevent me from working out and losing weight. but when it comes to eating less, they, especially my mom, will definitely not leave me alone.

8. my workout routine

unfortunately, i dont workout regularly. i only do it when i feel like i overate, but then also only a little, light workout from youtube.

9. did anyone ever comment my weight negatively?

yeah, many times by nearly everyone. especially my sister as she has an eating disorder along with anger-issues. she always used to attack me for my weight when i was a (chubby) kid (keep in mind she is 12yrs elder than me).

10. the hardest thing i gave up during weightloss?

nothing until now!

11. my fav thinspo blog and why?

my own blog which got deleted a few days ago lol. it was my fav thinspo blog obviously cause i reblogged everything that i liked the most.

12. what do i normally eat?

i eat whatever i want as long as its below my calorie limit. that includes fast food, anything my mom cooks, proteins, etc

13. am i losing weight in a healthy or an unhealthy way?

healthy i believe. i mean, i allow myself to go up to 1100 calories a day, sometimes even 1200. i dont starve because i know that it has no benefit whatsoever.

14. whats my ugw and when do i expect to reach it?

my ugw is 42kg, thats a total weightloss of 8kg. i wish to lose it by march, basically in about 2⅔ months.

15. am i a vegan/vegetarian and would i consider becoming one?

no, not for weightloss purposes nor moral reasons. meat and milk products contain a lot of vitamins which i wouldnt want to give up!

16. when did i first decided to lose weight?

when i was 12. and i did lose weight succesfully (from 53kg to 46-47kg)

17. do i have an eating disorder?

luckily i dont.

18. what food is my weakness?

easy, cheese cake... i could eat a whole cake on my own.

19. when was the last time i ate fast food?

today, actually. i only ate sweets today.

20. fav diet?

eating-below-1100cals-and-work-out

21. what are my clothing sizes?

european sizes: my pants are 36 and my clothes also 36 i believe, not sure.

22. what was my lowest weight and how and why did i gain?

my lowest was about 47kg 3yrs ago. i gained due to puberty/growth and food, obviously.

23. did media play a role in wanting to lose weight?

i dont think so, atleast not consciously. i barely know any celebrities and all the women i see on the internet are thicc.

24. how do i feel about the term "proana/mia"?

"pro" is definitely disturbing to me. its like saying "pro suicide".

25. have i ever purged?

nope.

26. what excites me most about reaching my ugw?

wearing smaller sized clothes, having sticky legs that dont touch, constantly looking delicate, being treated more nicely, being taken care of, no insults on my weight by anyone ever again, jealous looks of other girls, not feeling ashamed to undress in front of somebody else, not being scared to get intimate with somebody, etc etc...

27. how do i deal with being around food?

when im really hungry or have high appetite, i'll probably eat some of it. if i dont, i just ignore the food.

28. do i want a thigh gap and why?

i do, because i find it aesthetically pleasing.

29. my definition of beauty?

a kind, honest, polite and respectful nature.

30. ten facts about me:

i'm 16 years old.

i am practically religious (muslim).

i developed an obsession for mukbangs over the past few years.

im extremely shy and awkward in real life.

i love animals but im afraid of them in real life (literally every animal... even birds or cats).

i cant eat meat off of the bone (e.g. drumsticks). it just disgusts me.

i actively try to improve my character.

i have a naturally athletic and fit body.

i live in germany.

im addicted to chocolate and other sweets, i need them nearly every day

if you actually read all of this, ily and wish you all the best 😙

#thinspo #30daysthinspochallenge #weightloss #diet #thin inspo #tw ed #ed #eating disorder #anorexia #ana #proana #notproanythingjusttags #i wanna be skiny #sweetspo #meanspo #anorekic #fitspo

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 2 years

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anon ask about self-doubt, finding self-worth, and becoming who you want to be; warning: a long one hahaha

i just want to say i really admire the way you write. i love the way you talk and word things. i wish i could talk as well as you🥲 i also want to say thank you for talking on here and sharing your words and your own struggles. i hope you have moments where you’re happy and are taking care of yourself. i purple you <3

i wanted to ask for advice and maybe you can understand/relate to some of it? this is probably going to be super long but: i’m tired of feeling so worthless. straight up some days i feel like a worthless bag like why am i even here?? im always comparing myself to other peoples lives. i feel so guilty and shitty when i see others my age doing things i’m not doing. driving, working, dating, actually hanging out with friends, being social. i’m not doing any of those things, some i’ve never done and it makes me feel like less of a person i feel so small compared to other people my age like why am i not hanging out with friends? why have i never been in a relationship? i see people my age dating and suddenly feel like a little child. this little noob who doesn’t have things like that in their life n doesn’t know what thats like. i dont even know what i want to do with my life. sometimes i’ll see others my age doing things like going to a school dance or out with their friends and i immediately feel so f*cking worthless and just question my whole existence. i can’t explain it. sometimes i even like a useless daughter or sibling because maybe my mom would be more proud of me if i had friends or was out being social. sometimes if i do something so small such as ordering food by myself (bc that’s something that’s extremely difficult for me) , everyone praises me like “you talked to them?? i’m so proud of you” and it makes me feel like shit because i hate that they’re acknowledging the fact i’m scared to do simple shit like that. why isn’t anyone proud of me for the things i do now? it’s only when i do things like that. things i wouldn’t normally do. i feel like i’ll never be truly confident in myself. i’m scared of what it’ll be like when i am in a relationship. i’m scared i won’t know how to do things. scared i won’t be good enough. i’m constantly day dreaming about the future. what i’ll be doing or who i’ll be with. i’ve just never really experienced big great things, so when something comes to me (it could be something so small) it means the world to me. like you reading all of this and replying would feel extraordinary to me. i absolutely HATE telling people my personal feelings. i even feel like i’m burdening you right now. i hate talking about how i feel or what i’m going through mentally. i’d rather keep it all to myself and just..let it be. i hate opening up to people and telling them my struggles, insecurities, worries, etc. i’m always thinking about the way my life is. the way i sometimes don’t do shit. the way i’m not social or have much friends. i wake up and think about the day ahead of me and immediately feel discouraged cause it’s like “ugh another day of the same thing: nothing” i hate how damn aware i am of my shitty feelings and maybe it’s good to be able to pinpoint exactly how and why you’re feeling. but i’m just so aware of everything. like i’m so aware of how insecure i am, i start to wonder if others can see it. i wonder if i look as insecure, small, and worthless as i feel. i just want to know what it’s like to not care what people think. to just be and do things without thinking about the judgement of others. i want to know what it’s like to not be so anxious and insecure of every inch of yourself inside and out. i just want to feel proud and feel deserving and feel like i’m enough. i feel like if i was in a relationship i would ruin everything. i would be so damn insecure about everything the other person would just get tired of me. i’m forgettable. i feel like such a mess. i feel so undeserving of EVERYTHING no matter how much i did to deserve it, i still feel like i’m never enough and don’t deserve anything. i always want others to have more than me. the truth is, i’m so considerate. i do a lot for the people around me and have been told i’m the most selfless sweetest person anyone’s ever met. i don’t want to sound selfish (is that the word?) but certain things in my family’s lives wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for me. sorry this was so long and for ranting. but thank you so much if you read this.

Alexa? Play 'People' by Agust D.

Alright, now that we have some background music, let's talk, you and me. :)

Here's the thing. I could say, "you're not worthless, I'm sure you've done many wonderful things", but I've been where you are, and I know you won't believe me no matter how true it is. So, instead, I'll ask you this.

The word worth, this aspiration you're trying to achieve, was it defined by you... or was it made by people around you telling you what it means?

It doesn't have to be a verbal conversation. It's the small things, the comparisions, media, society, the moments of "Why am I not like that?" And then you start thinking you "should" be like that, like it's your duty to look a certain way, to be a certain way, to even think a certain way, that you must be positive and never feel like shit, implying you can't have thoughts for some fucking reason?

???

Come on, now.

The "perfect, good, worthwhile" person that you (probably unconsciously) think of when you put yourself down is actually a compilation of all the good traits that you've encountered in all the people you've met or seen. It's not a single person. You're leaving out any possible bad traits or even mediocre ones. That's not fair. You're comparing yourself to an ideal that couldn't possibly exist. It's not just an unwinnable fight, it's an impossible one.

On the specific topic of why you're not doing what you're friends or peers are doing, the answer is simple: you're not them. Their dreams, their goals, their timeline. They do things in their own time and you do things in yours. Faster, slower, it doesn't matter. Full of confidence or full of doubt, knowing where to go and getting lost, wherever you are in your timeline, it is yours and that is enough. Even if you're parallel or cross lives with other people, your timeline is yours and yours alone. That is special in itself. No one can be you.

It is easy to try to be someone else.

It is hard to be yourself.

I spent two decades thinking my worth was based on someone else's fallen dreams, someone else's unachievable goals, someone else's timeline. From when I was born to when I became an adult, I was less of a person and more treated like a clay toy in someone else's shadow. I was physically and emotionally beaten, told every day that my life is not my own, that every second I breathe was not my right, but theirs, simply because they gave birth to me. That kind of thing has everlasting effects on a person. You might think I'm confident, indestructible, impervious.

I am.

(heh, sorry XD)

But I'm also alone, pessimistic, and don't really have a path in life. I live with constant contradiction, 24/7, all the fucking time. My mind never shuts up. I can think about billion things at once. I can think about how great and fulfilling my life is while simultaneously wanting to end it right then and there. I don't have some grand dream to achieve, because my literal dream since I was born, for over twenty years, was "get the fuck away". I did... so now what?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I never had childhood friends because friends are distractions and distractions were not permitted. And now, years later, I know what it means in the dictionary, I know the acts people do to maintain friendship, but

fuck

Do I even know what friend means?

Will I ever understand?

I know, logically, but I can't feel it.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel.

I know my emotions, but I'm bad at feeling them, and that kinda shit fucks me up so hard that I end up writing BTS smut in my attempt to feel what I think normal human beings feel, what the actual fuck

There's so many more things like that floating in my mind, all the time. Some thoughts are just tiny little nicks and scrapes, some scars run so deep that I think they're still bleeding. I can sit here and pick at them for hours, days, years. I can make myself bleed and bleed and bleed, blame everyone else, punish myself with self-destruction.

And I did.

For what?

I want to be the person my child self wanted to be, someone who would not take shit from anyone, someone who knows themselves inside and out, someone who is unapologetically themselves, good, bad, what-the-fuck-ever, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks because I know who I am and I will not be who someone else wants me to be.

If that's the kind of person I want to be, the only one that can pick me up is me. The only one who can teach me to become that person is me. If there is shadow in every light, then I will become both the light and the shadow.

And if I want it

I'm going to get it.

No one else is going to do it for me, you know?

You say you feel worthless, undeserving, whether or not you need to exist, and to that I say (with all due respect)... who the fuck cares? So what? Worth or not, deserving or not, these are made-up terms that treat human lives as nothing more than dollar signs. You are a person. Need or not, you already exist. It does not matter how grand or simple your life is. You do not exist to make money, contribute to society, or even be a good person.

You choose those things.

The meaning of your life is decided by you and you alone. Big, small, cool, plain, doesn't matter. "One more day" or "change the world", both are valid, both are meaningful, both are real. And you know what? You can change it at any time. One more day, one more week, one more hobby, one more person in your life, and suddenly you realize, "I found it. What I want to do, who I want around me, who I want to become." What you are now is just a step in life. You are not the same person you were yesterday, the week before, years before. You think this will be forever, that you will never change, but you have already changed, just a little, by making it one more day. Small changes turn into big ones.

You're afraid you don't know how to do things? Here's the truth: nobody knows how to do anything. XD Adults fuck up all the time. They forget things, they mess up, and they have to go back and patch things up. It's okay to make mistakes, to stumble, to fail. You just have to learn from it. You're afraid you won't be good enough? Good is relative. Everyone has a different definition. Who can judge such a thing anyway? Just strive to be a little better than you were before. That is enough.

It's fine to have these thoughts, but remember who lives your life. You or your thoughts? You can't control your thoughts, but your thoughts don't control you either. Everything will come and go, people, things, happiness, sadness. You will walk slow at times. Appreciate the scenery. When you're ready, you can take a bigger step, a faster step, in whatever direction you please. You will run at times. Look back and see how far you've come. Be proud, no matter the distance.

This is your timeline, your path, your pace. If there is a shadow in every light, you don't have to walk in someone else's shadow. Stop comparing and step out.

You can be your own light.

You can live like that.

So, I ask you...

What if you do?

;)

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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years

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my dad ruined christmas. He started off with constantly antagonising my sister, arguing with my mum and shouting at her, and then, later when i was attempting to get a screwdriver to release my new toy car from its case (it was a mini delorean from back to the future haha so awesome!) he corners me and starts going back on a rant of how dumb i am and how im such a bad child for him. I understand i was in the wrong for repeating ‘excuse me please, excuse me’ the entire time, but i was trying to drown out his voice but also try hoping politeness will help move it along and i can be free quicker. I tried shouting to my mum saying, ‘mum, help me please come on, hes trapped me again, hellooo mum help me’ but she literally couldnt care less, even waving a hand in dismissal towards me, then he told me he was gonna hit me if i didnt start behaving, and he wuestioned what he’d done that was so horrible, that made me not speak to him anymore and act like he wasnt even living here, but i ignored him. I just had to get to my room, and i did. He did back me up further, to which i told him to f off (ik bad on my part, i wish i hadnt said it) but it ahocked him so horribly that he went to go tell my mum, and i made my immaculate escape lol. But as this hasnt happened to me since before quarentine in 2020 (when he would do this for hours at a time, for almost 2 years at that point) ive just been in a huge mental fog and obsessing over the new year and what new challenges i ‘have to overcome’ and stuff and im so scared, honestly. All this year was me pulling myself up from depression and wanting to be unalive and now im acc wanting to live and be happy, i dont know how lol. I mean, what if i screw it up and suddenly it all comes back and i give in this time? What if i dont be my best self next year and finally, finally get away from my parents? My birthdah is next week and im almost sure hes gonna ruin it, like he has the past 3. I have hope he wont, and that this years gonna be great, but i have so much dread and fear, and idk how to make those go away fully tbh

Nonnie, I'm so sorry he did this. I hope you know what your dad did to you on Christmas day and all those times before quarantine is really abusive, and your mum not caring is also abusive and neglectful. You did not deserve his insults or his threats. I don't think you were in the wrong for doing or saying any of the things you did and said in that situation—I think you did your best to de-escalate it and get yourself to safety.

When it comes to abuse, in my personal opinion, there's no wrong way to react—nothing you can do or say that means you actually caused or deserved the abuse. More often than not, we act on instinct in these situations—and not rationally—because our fight/flight/freeze/fawn response has been triggered. So please, don't be hard on yourself for the way you handled the situation. You should never have been put in that position in the first place, and it's him you should be mad at for cornering and abusing you, and not yourself for the way you reacted. All you wanted was to keep yourself safe.

I also want you to know that demanding to know what he did to make you not speak to him was really abusive of him. My mother did this too, and I just want you to know you're not alone .

I'm sorry 2021 was such a bad year, and I really hope you're proud of yourself for everything you accomplished regarding your depression, because that's huge! I also hope your birthday went well after all ❤️

Regarding dread about 2022 not being good/not being the year you finally leave, try to focus on the things you can control, nonnie. Some days, "what you can control" can look like gathering all your important documents and giving your friends your belongings (like books, toys...) little by little so you don't have to take everything with you in one go later on. Other days, it can look like getting through the day or even through the next few minutes. That's okay. It's okay if "doing your best" some days looks like surviving the day. You're still working towards getting out of there by surviving, I really hope you know that.

Sending all my support your way. You know I'm here if you need to reach out again ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive father tw #Verbal abuse tw #Emotional abuse tw #Neglect tw #Neglectful mother #Threats tw #Suicidal tw #Quarantine mention #Covid mention #Dissociation tw

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mental-health-advice · 3 years

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trigger warning for not wanting to live, trans struggles, self hatred

sorry that this is super long and whiny, no pressure to respond but thank you a lot if you do!

hello there! I'm currently unable to access therapy so I can't get diagnosed. I was already diagnosed with a sensory disorder as a child and general anxiety. I know I can't self diagnose but I want to better understand what's going on with myself and at least have an idea. Throughout my life I've felt really badly depressed. I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed, it must have been when I was really young. The depression never goes away. It is occasionally less severe but only when I'm escaping reality. I'm transgender and I am not out to most people. I can't stop thinking obsessively about getting surgery. I fear deeply that I've been influenced somehow to feel transgender, because I don't usually feel a want with such conviction. I am never decisive, I always doubt myself, but I am so sure about how badly I need surgery that it scares me. The fact that I physically cannot stop myself from thinking about it is really concerning. My life is falling apart around me, I'm constantly failing and losing everything, and all I can think about is this daydream of getting surgery instead of fixing my life. I'm scared that I don't really want surgery and that I'm actually just telling myself that when I get surgery I will be able to fight my depression. I fear that I'm lying to myself about needing something to make it better when nothing can really heal me from depression. I understand that it won't just go away, but I want surgery so badly that I feel like it is the end goal so I can start living. It is the only thing that keeps me alive sometimes is the idea that I can do it one day and live my life and cope with depression. Sometimes I feel happiness for a second and it makes me so uncomfortable and scared because it's so foreign to me. I feel so alone. I have always felt so awful and sick about myself in every way. I don't even understand fully why I feel like I'm transgender. I know I've always hated my body and wanted to be a different gender, but I wonder if I am not trans and I actually just have self hatred problems. Inside I really do want someone to tell me, yes it's okay to be transgender and you're not wrong, go get surgery and then you'll be able to live your life. But not only is that confirmation bias ridden, wanting to hear validation so I run away from any transphobia, but. I also worry deeply that I will get surgery and then remain just as depressed because I am the problem. I feel like I am the reason my life falls apart. I dropped out of college 2 years ago and left my job and i tried going back to school but i failed my classes. I am living with my family again and I work for them but I don't really get paid enough to save anything. I'm too depressed to think of what i want to do in the future even though they ask me all the time what my plan is now that i failed again. I cant talk honestly to them about any of this. Im so scared of it i have constant nightmares about them knowing anything about me. I try to stay positive but i feel broken and useless. i am failing in every way. i dont know what to do im really desperate. Thank you a lot for being here for people.

Hey lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that you can’t access therapy. I do hope this will become a possibility in the future, so that you can get properly diagnosed, but most of all, so that you can get the treatment you need and deserve. Like you might know, we don’t promote self-diagnosis for the reasons listed here. However, we do think it’s good to be aware of your own symptoms and try to understand them better.

I’ve personally been diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia). This is when your depression lasts longer than two years. Throughout dealing with PDD, there can be major depressive episodes, since the depression with PDD tends to be slightly lighter / not as heavy. A different term for PDD is chronic depression, which I personally found really scary because I felt like it’d mean it’d never stop. The term chronic here is meant more as in ‘long term’, rather than ‘forever’.

It sounds like you see surgery as a chance for your depression to fall away. While I do think that you can feel better after surgery, feel more like yourself, I doubt that not having had surgery yet is the sole cause of your depression. It’s usually more complicated than that. So it can be tricky to expect so much of it, because then you can only be disappointed and I wouldn’t want you to have to go through that.

It also sounds like daydreaming about your surgery, is something that holds you up. It helps you manage your current mental state. And I’d say that’s okay! We all need something to keep us up, to escape the reality of mental health struggles. Of course you do need to face it from time to time, but you can’t do that all the time. You need an escape sometimes. So if that escape is daydreaming about surgery, I don’t want to take that away from you! I have my escape too, I read a lot of books where I can escape into different worlds.

Feeling depressed can become a security blanket too. It’s a familiar feeling. You know what it’s like. So then when you feel happiness, or at least a bit happier than usually, it’s scary. You don’t recognise that feeling. It’s completely new to you. So it feels uncomfortable and you try to get back to feeling depressed, because at least you know that feeling.

I can’t look inside your head, so I can’t tell you whether you’re transgender or not. But I can tell you that it’s completely okay to be transgender! You mention that you’ve always wanted to be a different gender, which sounds completely valid to me! Even if you hadn’t felt that way always, you could still be transgender. It’s okay to be transgender, it’s okay to want surgery. But I don’t know if it’s fair to expect to be able to live your life without depression afterwards.

Sometimes, thinking about the future can be too overwhelming. That’s what I find at least! I dropped out of uni and have been working ever since, but if I think about the future and going back to uni, I get overwhelmed. So I try to focus on the present. I’m working now and that’s okay. It’s okay for where I’m at right now. If I manage to feel better mental health wise, then maybe I can think about going to uni again. But right now that isn’t doable, so I don’t consider it. Do you think this approach might be helpful for you too?

I hope this helped at least a little bit! If there’s anything else we can do to help, please let us know.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Love Pauline

#mental health #advice #advice blog #transgender #gender #LGBTQIA+#LGBTQ+#LGBT #depression #persistent depressive disorder #PDD #dysthymia #chronic depression #surgery #mhapauline

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b00bconnoisseur · 3 years

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I saw something about Moral Perfectionism and i dont think i have that exactly but i do relate to ig some of it?

Thinkint about it now i struggle S O much about trying to be the best person i can be every single day. The perfect person. I know no one is perfect but i mean like morally perfect. But like idk im so afraid of hurting people. I always worry about what i say or how i act and how it can n might affect others and try to have no ill will or ill intentions and be as humble and kind as i can be cause i dont want to have a bad mindset. So im always constantly trying to better myself in any chance that i can. Im so afraid of saying something and making someone upset. Im scared of saying no. Like If i say no or something to my siblings i immideately feel so much guilt. I feel so much guilt if im not as good as i could've been in situations. Im afraid of just being a toxic person. To my girlfriend. To my friends. People always say they were shitty in their teens and how everyone is and i take that and try to not be that. But i know that im only 17 and cant be perfect or the best i can be now but it doesnt stop me still from trying to be because i dont wanna be a bad person in someones early life. The anxiety and mindset to be better and do better never stops and its really so draining. I have intrusive thoughts all the time on how im not a good person and can do so much better for the people that i love. Im a people pleaser and just want to make people happy or proud or ill feel so much anxiety and guilt. Its just so much to handle

Theres alot more but idk. Maybe this is just from trauma and shit but either way its just......alot to have going thru your mind n deal with everyday. Its overwhelming

#this was literally just a vent ig really cause i havent really thought abt it not being a normal thing but ig its not?#anyway *gestures*#my shitz #my vents #vent #rant tw #my rants #vent tw #ask to tag #long ass post

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iconsumeheadcanons · 4 years

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persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :((( so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff. joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

#my writing #p3 #p4 #p5 #persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #ren #futaba #souji #hamuko #minato #vibes straight thru the sun #i sincerely hope the read more works #im so srry for grammar problems #i literally cant read rn

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cheseyre · 4 years

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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Match up (◕‿◕✿)

nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚

I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅

- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day

- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂

- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to

- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness

Fun Facts:

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally

- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe

uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕

Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊

So I match you with……………. Isaac

Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years.

Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.

The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog.

You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases.

Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.

That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends

Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties.

As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you.

Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events.

Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.

The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance.

After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.

Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.

Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles.

He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what

He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.

He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day.

He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself.

He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”

Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely.

This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.

Other potential matches…………. Comte

I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon

#matchups #match ups #ikevamp matchup #ikevamp match up #ikemen vampire isaac #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp isaac newton #isaac newton #isaac match up #submission

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prince-tulip · 1 year

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I feel disgusting. I hate the sight of my face this body this these memories, i have been making so mant bad decisions, why cant i stop. Lately i am trapped and already seeing how the next few years is going to go. If i can fucking make it that long. Everyday im haunted. Im constantly in thought of every shameful thing, im disgusted with myself to where i do not want to live with myself. I dont know who this is, i have images of inescapable memories and possible scenarios on repeat every second of the day, i cant help to think i wanted to be punished to have life get as worse as it good, am i really that afraid of happiness? Do i fucking work against myself and my actual wants? The fuck is the point if i just continue to not change. Im so fucking embarrassed and confused with who i am. Im so scared to lose anyone and so cognitively distorted and such a child that i cant fuvking display anything properly. Time feels all around me, the past, present future it is around me alway and idk how to escape it. This shell i want to escape this body, these restrictions and frail bones, this disgusting urge for anything, i feel fucking castrated and cut off from basic human experience. I have not none i was this bad. I was so far gone, i was so blind. I was so worthless. Such a fuckkk waste of time. Im so sorry. This is just obvious. The pain and punishment i deserve is something i agree with, so self rightous of me right? So courageous. Yeah. Fucking pitiful. If god were real he would send someone to literally stop me from cursing anyone else. I want to be killed, im too fucking cowardly to kill myself. Too vain for a bullet to my head and if i took pills i would just puke em out cause my stomach is a lil fucking baby. Can't cut my wrisy cause i would destroy my mom too much like that if she found me. Smashing my car into something really fucking hard has been pretty tempting though, it seems like there's a lot of adrenaline involved, im constantly fading in and out of severe dissociation when im driving anyway it could be easy. Im so tired of feeling such shame. I was so scared to be abandoned and alone that i fucked myself over in the worsr way, everyone rightfully left or moved away or we just grew apart and here i am, at the lowest ever and i fucking know it could get worse, im practically waiting in anticipation for it to get worse

#mental health #kill my thoughts #hahaha #self healing #or something

0 notes

q-u-a-c-k · 3 years

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im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

----------------

also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

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silvanable · 4 years

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Match-Up : Ikemen Revolution

@nad-zeta

Hi there dear! I legit loved your ikesen matchup up so her so here i am asking for an ikevamp matchup ❤❤ hope u dont mind❤❤

🥰 i am a aries, infp, Hufflepuff female 🦊 i am shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, i like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating.

I will definitely be the person making jokes at inappropriate times and something about inappropriate things (its one of my coping mechanisms) 😂 I love my friends and family and will fight anyone how threatens them, although when it comes to me you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly cant stand up for myself). I swear like a sailor although i am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.

i love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life (it is one of my coping mechanisms and has helped me slowly overcome an eating disorder)😂i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery, i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), romcoms, and sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato.

I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken timeI tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 My face will give away what i am thinking. i enjoy my own alone time and i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein), i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure. I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.

🙈 Thanx so much dear ❤ Sorry if this is TMI and for making u read all that again🙈🙈🙈🔥Cant wait to see who i get matched with 🌈🎀

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i’m glad to see you in my submissions again! it makes me very happy knowing you enjoyed the ikesen match up!

i hope i don’t disappoint with this ikerev one. enjoy!

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↪ GUIDELINES

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ー FENRIR GODSPEED : ACE OF SPADES

i can see a relationship between you and fenrir because there are a lot of areas in compliments with personalities.

you said you were a shy person who does not open up easily, but you can be read by your emotions with a good eye.

fenrir takes a whole 24 hours to crack down on that calm and shy little persona you got going before he has you laughing in tears on the floor.

sorry i don’t make the rules i just rely them.

he took it as a personal challenge to get you to smile and laugh and feel comfortable around the black army headquarters.

so yes, he would try and do everything imaginable in a single day to get you to open up.

not to mention you are also a moderator, with a milder set personality and very gentle.

which pretty much balances out the wilder and more chaotic side that fenrir has been known to have.

that being said, you happened to be a very goofy, fun loving, and playful person so you also compliment his wild side.

to put it simply, you are either the mellow aid or you are the chaos instigator, there is no in between.

i’m going to say it right now, gym buddies.

you love to work out, the moment fenrir finds that out he’s there asking if you want to join him on his morning routine.

he would love the company anyways and maybe to show off a lil bit.

between you and fenrir, i can imagine a lot of food going missing.

especially sweets. oh god all the sweets.

not to call you out but both y’all are carb junkies, which is to make up for the exercise of you running from the trouble you both stir up.

going to be honest, the first time you open up a can of the good ol’ sailor everyone, and i mean everyone is surprised.

there lovely, gentle, fun-loving alice is in the courtyard swearing higher than magic tower.

to say the least chutney learned her lesson after bearing the front of it not to try and steal your stuff.

half the black army had come running out with the first shout worried they were being attacked and you were in trouble.

instead they ended up finding alice 2.0 with a slightly startled raccoon, your notebook and pens all over the ground with you squatting to pick it all up.

fenrir was shocked… and that shock broke down into loud laughter a moment later.

“with a tone like that even the red army will be running from you!”

he will never let you, or anyone for that matter, forget it.

on another note, despite all the wild and troublesome things you two get into much to the display of mother sirius you do have your mellow moments.

cuddles. all the time.

while fenrir seems to have the attitude of the extrovert on EXTROVERT™ he has his moments of calm and quiet.

your need to recharge is especially something that causes him to mellow out, he doesn’t want to push you too far.

he understands you need alone alone time too, so he’s willing to back up but most times he’s spending your recharge time to mellow out with you.

absolutely willing to spend time you with in bed just to snuggle into you and hold you close.

walks in the garden to hear about your conspiracies, what you’ve read recently, or what you’ve been writing.

would bring shu shu with him constantly because he found out you loved dogs and he must bring a tiny floof for your enjoyment plus shu shu loves you so.

expect this man to ask you to cook for him.

the moment he finds out you’re a chef that’s it, he wants to taste everything you’ve ever made or even thought about making.

his support and encouragement are WAY out there in the best and loving way possible.

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#ikemen revolution #ikemen series #ikerev #ikemen revolution matchup #matchup #submission #ikerev fenrir #ikemen revolution fenrir #fenrir godspeed #match up #Match-Up #matchups

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janustrash1 · 3 years

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my sides (masterpost)

hey, sorry that i haven't been posting at all recently. life has taken a bit of a slip downhill and things like my sleep schedule have been really out of wack. to make up for it i’ve decided to talk about and introduce you guys to some very special characters of mine. my sides.

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before i introduce them, i’d like to talk about what they mean to me. i got really into sanders sides at a very low point in my life. at this point i already had four characters that i considered my version of the main four sides. they didnt represent anything yet. i only knew that each of them were my version of a respective side. i had also started counselling at this point, and ended up talking to my councillor about sanders sides and how much i love the show and the dynamic. she encouraged me to take these characters and break them down into their essentials. making my first four sides.

i would talk to my sides whenever i needed to figure something out. i was able to take the multitude of thoughts going through my head and divide them off into things that each side was saying. this made everything much easier to manage in my head as it was basically the equivalent of talking to friends. however a year passed and a new train of thought started occurring. i tried applying it to an existing side but that didnt work so, i made a new one, my fifth side.

more recently, around the start of this year, i started having some, unpleasant, things happen with my mental state. i would hyper focus on too many things at once, meaning that i got little to no work done, i started having worsening intrusive thoughts, and i just all around felt a bad presence. once again, none of my sides were the ones causing this so, a new onw was made. my sixth and as of writing this, newest side.

my sides are a genuine coping mechanism for me. i have a rare profile of autism that makes it hard to understand my own emotions, and the sides help with that. they also act as someone i can tell everything to, and just generally help me feel less alone from time to time. im putting a lot out here to share a secret that i keep from most with the world, i would appreciate it if you guys would treat me just the same as always. side note: yes my sides have different genders and some arent the same as me biologically. they are made like this to capture how some of these aspects of me can sometimes be more prevalent depending on how i present myself. it also just made sense to me. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyways, now that we know where they came from. i would like to introduce you to them. first up, The four Main sides

Opal (Optimism)

opal is probably the happiest side in the mindscape. she represents my happiness and excitement, as well as some of the content and calm feelings, often relating to my image. before Allison, she was the one to offer words of encouragement when things slipped up. some of the sides refer to her as “Mom” and Allison will often just call her “Wife” Opal wears a lot of pale pink and soft greys, not really one for bright or bold colours, she has an assortment of different headbands and bows but is most often seen wearing a pink cat ear headband. she is a Pan Cis Woman and uses She/Her pronouns

Ray (Reasoning)

Ray represents everything about me that doesnt revolve around my imagination, as well as some things that do. they are my sense of reasoning, there to talk me out of an impossible situation and ground me back to reality. they are here to make plans and help me stay physically and mentally well in the most efficient way possible. i would say that they are the most like a canon side out of all of them, having an uncanny resemblance to Logan as far as function is concerned. they are the “left brain” of the sides. they wear a light blue polo shirt, keeping the collar in place with a neatly knotted scouts neckerchief. they are the only side to actually wear glasses, even though i myself need them but often dont wear them. they are biologically genderless and use Them/They pronouns.

Cameron (Confidence)

Cameron is the most eccentric of all the sides, constantly bellowing his ideas in the most sing-songy, theatrical voice. he is the brightest and most determined, constantly suggesting new and “foolproof” plans to get big and become famous. unfortunately, these “foolproof” plans are often made by a fool. He doesnt always see the bigger picture, much like Opal, he always keeps his eyes on the prize, to such an extent that he often skips steps in his plan. he often wears fancy blue jackets, but his more casual wear is a royal blue button up over a white t shirt. He is a Cis man who uses He/Him pronouns.

Percival (Paranoia)

Percival, or as we all call them, Percy, is the most quiet and reserved out of all of the sides, only kicking off when something could go wrong. when they were first created, they would do this constantly, however as time has progressed they have realised how this can be a hinderance more than a help, and has taken to not really speaking unless necessary. they are one of the ImagiSiblings, along with Ivory, they were temporarily separated as i got older however, and now they are quite scared of what ivory has become and will keep their distance when possible, but has shown that they very much can still be a brilliant older sibling to the younger side. they are often wrapped in a red blanket, with a black long sleeved shirt and leggings poking out from underneath. when they have to leave the house however, they throw on a red plaid hoodie and a black facemask, a new addition to their wardrobe. they are also biologically genderless and use Them/They pronouns.

now, my fifth side, created around a year and a half after the main 4

Allison (Protection) (Formerly Anger)

Allison was first created as a way to filter out some of the more angry and violent thoughts in my head and make sense of them. they never really seemed like the violent type, more like a protective mother, a role that they very much fulfil better, therefore they were recently changed and allowed to focus more on protecting me and my friends. they have a lot of.... violent suggestions, but they do genuinely care for me and often stay up with me during sleepless nights, helping me get through the following day. they often wear an oversized blue shirt under an even more oversized black cardigan with a black trilby/fedora hat, sometimes switching the hat out for a plain beanie in the winter. they also carry my headphones in case i need a reminder that i always have music as a way to control my thoughts. they are an AFAB Demigirl and uses Them/They pronouns with female titles (miss, mom etc.)

and finally, my newest side, created around march of this year

Ivory (Impulse)

Ivory was created to explain the constant creative itch i get whenever there are too many ideas. they started off as a sweet, excitable child, but are quick to change when they dont get their way. they are able to shapeshift and will sometimes become threatening and scary if the creative itch isnt met to their standards. they are also the source of most of my intrusive thoughts, often thinking that their suggestions will help. overall they are probably the most dangerous side and we still do not know much about them. their clothes often change but one thing that always remains is a jacket that i actually own covered in various embroidery and collected patches. sometimes this will be worn over a simple t-shirt, sometimes over a black button up. they are the youngest of the sides, being around 10 physically. im not yet sure of their gender but they seem to like Them/They pronouns

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and there you have it. theres my sides. it honestly feels good to have written this all down and have it in a convenient place to be able to show people. i hope you like them just as much as i do, if you have any further questions feel free to send me an ask or re-blog this post.

thank you so much to any of you who have read this far, i really appreciate it.

#sanders sides #sanderssides #thomassanders #thomas sanders #@thatsthat24 #my sides #mysides #my sanders sides #mysanderssides #characters #original characters #ocs #masterpost

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