#the internet loves to pretend to love weird people but when someone is actually a little weird they point their fingers and throw stones
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i know im an overemotional, overreactive pathetic little wimp about my hyperfixation, and i dont even mean that derogatory, i think its both my best AND worst quality, im well aware of it, especially in moments when im already stressed i have a hard time to get my brain back into control, im so well aware of it that i HAVE been managing to learn how to deal with it actually
which is why, instead of letting myself spiral any further, i went to bed to let my brain calm down
and it worked!
i still hate the live action zelda thing, i still think it WILL be bad, and it will still negatively affect how i feel about the franchise as a whole, i am not spiraling out of control about it though, which i think is a win in my book, some people hate that i say my opinion at all though, more on twitter than here so hey, im grateful to not be called pathetic to my face bc i said something someone might decry as too 'weird'
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#yes this is about the live action zelda announcement#i hate it and it will be bad and yes its threatening my love for the franchise#as i said many tiems before all my previous hyperfixations died abruptly bc it went into a direction i didnt like#which probably plays into why i react so strongly to it#i dont WANT do lose this#any bad entry in a series i love will affect how i feel about it as whole#i dont think that is a strange concept#and “simply ignore it” isnt as eeasy as it may sound bc people dont tag their shit properly#well if its so easy to ignore anythign you dont like#why are you being an ass to me bc i said soemthing you didnt like#simply ignore it#the internet loves to pretend to love weird people but when someone is actually a little weird they point their fingers and throw stones#and i dont even think im being all that weird about it#dont want to know what weirder people with big followings go through#what i deal with is absolutely miniscule compared to big creators#i also know that
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Reminder that making Loki and Sylvie romantic was not a huge mistake. It was very smart and very in-character.
Not because they love themselves. That’s just a very clever writer’s play on the Loki-Trope-words.
Because she’s the most not-him person that there is. He wants to be the center of attention. She wants to live a quiet life left alone. He wants to take thrones and rule. She wants to topple thrones and rulers. He wants to tyrannize and enslave. She wants to set whole realities free. He sets traps to defeat his most hated foes. She just runs up and stabs them. He never shuts up. She’s stoic and quiet.
To people who believe it’s weird or gross because “they share DNA” or “they’re siblings…” Yeah. They share the same DNA, clearly—just like the Alligator Loki! 🙄 And they share parents, clearly—oh, except they don’t, because Loki’s parents were the kind of people to hide his true origins from him, and Sylvie’s parents were as different from that as you can get. They don’t share DNA, they aren’t the same gender, they don’t share memories or a similar history, and they don’t even share a name. They’re not like the same person, and they’re not like siblings.
The places where they’re similar? Like Sylvie’s chip on her shoulder against those who’ve wronged her? They’re all the places Loki has grown out of, or is in the process of growing out of when he meets Sylvie—and she’s been hellbent on avenging herself against those who’ve wronged her for her whole life.
He’s in love with her because of the—say it with me—“Idea of Potential” that she represents.
It’s just like how Ariel is in love with Eric, even before she gets to know him, because all she needs to know is that his character traits match up with everything she’s always hoped humans could be like. All Loki needs to know about Sylvie is that her character traits match up with everything he’s always wished he could be:
Confident instead of pretending to be confident; heroic instead of pretending to be heroic; secure in who he is regardless of what people think of him; able to focus on something bigger than himself; etc. Loki’s never been able to be those things and even convinced himself he’s proud of pretending—but Sylvie genuinely is all those things.
And Sylvie? Since she was stolen from her home and family she has made no connections, had nobody care about her, and focused only on her mission. If she ever had dreams outside of that, it probably revolved around the idea of freedom. Then in comes this guy who not only expresses care for her, but is the type of guy who doesn’t let anybody tell him what he is or what to do—he can relate to her feelings of hurt, and eventually, tries to help her grow beyond them, too.
They both represent something that the other person has always wanted to do or be, and they both challenge each other, and they both have this big existential hole in their hearts of “nobody wants me or likes me” to relate to each other with.
How is this a mistake? It’s literally the smartest way they’ve ever had Loki make a connection with someone outside his adopted family. (Mobius is cool and all but he’s a Thor-stand-in for this Loki, who’s been ripped out of Thor’s timeline.)
I’m going to stop beating the dead horse, but basically, if you think Loki and Sylvie as a romantic couple is weird, try and look at it the way it actually is, instead of superimposing “female love interest bad” or catchy Internet memes like “Loki Show Approves Incest” over everything 🙄
#Honestly#Loki#Loki season 2#Loki spoilers#sylvie#sylvie laufeydottir#loki laufeyson#loki x sylvie#Mobius#Owen Wilson#Tom Huddleston#sylki#anti sylki#loki series negativity#Loki series positivity
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olderthannetfic/729300911208448001/the-reason-theres-more-positivity-for
This is trolling. No one assumes trans men are masculine. We get called boys even in our 30s, drawn as skinny white AFABs in layers of soft clothing, and reassured that it's okay if we want to kiss other boys. Actually, being assured that you're a cutie patootie fem uwu is really dysphoria inducing for a lot of trans men. I was on tumblr when I had just come out when I was 15 and it was incredibly discouraging to see the posts fawning over adorable wittle twans bois. I'm 25, I don't want to hold hands with a boy, I want to fuck a man. I don't want to change my hobbies and I don't care if people think it's toxic masculinity that makes me like "manly" things (way to assign the binary to activities, real progressive of you) and I don't get anything from "let boys be soft" with clapping emojis and sparkles inbetween every word with glittering font. "No actually it's good to not support part of a marginalized group!" no. Your trolling is shit and so are you.
And the idea that ace people are assumed to be against sex actually made me laugh out loud. I'm working on my doctorate and actually, on college campuses? I've heard from professors - not students, professors, adults old enough to have college-age kids - that ace people have sex at the same rate as straights but they need more foreplay, ace people just need more time to get to know you but after that they're sexually indistinguishable from heterosexuals, that asexuality isn't real, that asexuality is an internet label people use instead of admitting that they can't get laid, and my least favorite, that any man who says he's asexual is actually an incel/that asexuality is another term for incels and femcels. Then you hop online and the internet goes, "Ace people love sex! Ace people love kink! Ace people have just as much sexual attraction as other people! You'r'e valid if you're ace and fuck/do kink/are attracted to everyone!" and if there's positivity for people who are ace who aren't into sex, I've yet to see it. Hell, being not into sex gets you labeled "repulsed", like you're retreating from it the way the Wicked Witch of the West would from water and not just not into it. That happened even in OTNF's own comment section, and these are not uneducated people when it comes to queerness, we've just normalized that sex is a part of everyone's identity so much that even if you're asexual, it's weird and must be a repulsion thing if you're not into it. "Uh actually everyone assumes [__] so there's no need for positivity for [__]" fucking where?! Where are all these people who assume being asexual = not wanting sex?
For the record, I got my undergrad at two different universities due to a change of major, got my master's at another, and am getting my doctorate at a fourth, all in four different US states. One was in the Northeast, one was in the South, one was in the Midwest and now I'm on the West Coast. And I have never encountered people who assume trans men are manly or that asexual people don't have sex.
I have encountered sex negative asexuals, people who get so upset they leave the room if you make a joke involving them and sex, who interrupt the professor mid-lecture to say, "Ace people have sex!", though. That's how deeply this is ingrained in some people's minds, they will say it even when it does not apply to them, even when it's the opposite of themselves, so they can make sure they are Educating The Cishetallos and, more importantly, then share the moment they had to do so with their progressive friends for brownie points/in order to be seen as One Of The Good Queers who educates others.
As for the weird thing in the troll ask pretending anyone who talks about their lived experience believes in a conspiracy... do yourself a favor and get help bringing up your literacy before you take the SAT/ACT, kid. Not only is your trolling shit but you don't understand what the word conspiracy means. Someone saying, "[insert thing here] happened to me" is not a conspiracy and this is why your English teachers gave you C's - to get you out of their classroom and make your lack of comprehension someone else's problem.
In the event this wasn't a troll but was actually what you read, please get two tutors and possibly a screening for any latent anxiety or mental illnesses that would explain how you read people venting about shitty life experiences and thought they believed there was a conspiracy of some kind going on. Because that's the kind of making shit up out of thin air my dad, who has diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder, would do, and it's not a great sign if you read people going, "the people around me are shitty about this" and jumped to "the people who sent those asks are saying there's a conspiracy theory against them and I am the one sole person who can see the truth here!"
I really don't know how to explain this to people but if someone says something is shitty on their campus, they're saying something is shitty on their campus. It's not a personal attack or conspiracy. Sometimes shit fucking sucks and it's exactly that deep.
--
You wouldn't think "Someone had a stupid-ass opinion on my college campus" would be that hard to believe.
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thank you @anincompletelist for the tag on another new (to me) game ✨ you’re a gem.
how many works do you have on ao3?
eight!
what's your total ao3 word count?
142,413
what fandoms do you write for?
red, white and royal blue
top five fics by kudos:
Unsurprisingly, it’s the five parts of Alex’s POV of The Consequences. Actually surprisingly, this could double as one of the LEAST ideal reading orders possible, which is so fun tbh.
No Consequences (8.7k, E, Part 1)
The Wait Before the Fall (57.5k, E, Part 5)
Hope is a Five Alarm Fire (11.7k, E, Part 2)
The Throne He Deserves (24.9k, E, Part 4)
The Cosmos in His Palms (16.7k, E, Part 3)
do you respond to comments?
yes! people are always saying the loveliest things in there, I have to weep sentimentally back at them in return. it’s the circle of life.
what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
is it weird to pick your pwp as having the angstiest ending?? because my instinct is to say The Very Portrait of Temptation, just because it’s the most open-ended.
what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I’ve gotta say The Wait Before the Fall.
Even if picking the only actual ending feels like a convenient loophole.
do you get hate on fics?
I have been very lucky in that everyone has been very lovely, which is a relief because I am not built for the internet.
do you write smut?
I am but a humble porn peddler who dreamed too big.
craziest crossover:
never done a crossover, only a fusion of rwrb + the m&g universe as a vehicle to, you guessed it, peddle porn.
have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge!
have you ever had a fic translated?
nope!
have you ever co-written a fic before?
I have not! but it seems like fun!
all time favorite ship?
I think firstprince is the winner here in that they actually got me to finish (and post!) something. A feat. 🤍
what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Oof.
i pretend I do not see anything stashed in the Anchor Vault at current. We’ll go with that.
what are your writing strengths?
i always try to set a scene to be so immersive that anyone reading feels like they’re seeing it just as clearly as I am — and its so gratifying anytime someone tells me I felt like I was right there with them.
this also applies to what I refer to as my 4K porn visions.
I also received such a touching compliment for my dialogue recently (if you’re seeing this, i adore you btw) so I’ll put that here too.
what are your writing weaknesses?
I have never been succinct in my life so I do not end sentences rationally (@celeritas2997 can attest to the No Consequences one-breath challenge). I think sometimes I use too many words for things, but then I don’t cut any of them and add more. I’m also bad at math, though that’s more of a tangential personal flaw.
also, generating an actual plot.
thoughts on dialogue in another language?
I love this, especially when you have multilingual characters, but I would be way too worried about getting it wrong when I don’t speak the language.
first fandom you wrote in?
supernatural, lmao
not that it ever saw the light of day!
favorite fic you've written:
I treat the entirety of The Consequences like my baby (which I foolishly cut into pieces because I don’t know anything about the internet or childcare) but I could not choose a favorite part of my baby and okay maybe this comparison is falling apart but you get it
I have been adrift in and out of here so I’m not sure who all has already played, but @firenati0n, you’re up!
and also, an open tag to all you lovely people who want to play! 🤍💫
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"anon I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you think that the average person likes dinosaurs in the same way they like gravity." Why? I didn't imply any of that. People can be curious and learn more, as much as they learn with someone on internet talking about owls (many people in big cities will never see an owl, try to pet one, go to a owl cafe??? These are even illegal where a live, a country with 100.000.000+ inhabitants. Nevermind).
"but most kids don’t care how accurate their toys are, they just want to roleplay them forming a death cult with blood sacrifices because that’s just what children want to do." you cleary underestimate how children are complex but I'll pass
"It would go something like “why doesn’t this one have feathers” “oh scientists didn’t know they had those at first” “oh ok” and for most kids that’s the end of it." Really do you have some background on education at all (even practical)? These simple realizations are really important.
"You’re acting like there’s a huge movement of people proclaiming that dinosaurs didn’t have feathers or something, which isn’t the case." Where did I imply that? I just "wow it would be nicer for kids to have MORE info, isn't it?", and you used a lot od words to say "that's not relevant" (and if it is your opinion, don't cover it).
Also, sorry I work with something irrelevant (irony) as education (including child education) and I try to bring nice themes to engage the groups. I feel very sorry for writers and illustrators for their irrelevance (irony) too. Although, urgengy for urgency, I'm surprised you didn't mention the world hunger this time, or used us from the so called "Third World" as props again.
A large portion of my job is child education actually lol. Working at a wildlife outreach center for years will do that. You’re projecting a lot of weird opinions onto me, who hurt you? When have you seen me refer to “third world” countries that way? When have you seen me bring up “world hunger” or say “children are starving in Africa” exactly?
I’m glad owl cafes are illegal in your country. They’re illegal in mine too. Wish they were illegal everywhere. Owls don’t want to be petted and owl cafes are animal abuse. If you want to know why, feel free to search the term on my blog.
Here’s the thing about dinosaurs and fictional media with dinosaurs though: a child can learn accurate information about dinosaurs without every single toy having to be anatomically accurate based on current science. I was reading dinosaur encyclopedias by the time I was six because I loved dinosaurs and wanted to see pictures of dinosaurs and what their names were and what they ate and what have you. I think that educational material such as encyclopedias should be up to date! That is important! People at any age can learn from accessible educational material about dinosaurs.
But if a child plays with a plastic toy that’s not scientifically accurate, that’s not a detriment to their education. A child who is curious should be lead to books for more information on the subject, not more plastic toys. Toys can be educational and raise questions certainly, but not every toy has to be part of their curriculum. Sometimes children just want toys to pretend to eat other toys with. You can teach children about dinosaurs if that interests them even if fictional depictions of dinosaurs are different from the real animals. Imagination and fiction are also a healthy space for children to explore.
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I have always been all about love. As a child i was a typical little girl, y'know, pink, pretending to be a princess and watching Barbie movies, a lot of kids movies in general. Love was in almost all of them, so as a child i also wanted to smooch my Ken and have a happy life with a boyfriend.
I was constantly chasing after my friend trying to kiss him (we were even together for a few years in the kindergarten/first class until he broke up with me, so you could say that i already had my first relationship heh)
Then my interest in romance started to fade slowly as i grew up, you know, sometimes i thought about it and also about IT (although it always grossed me out) but not much more then a normal tween girl would do, i think.
Sometimes i thought i was gay, i always knew one of my famale classmates was pretty and i still think she's cute. I also saw a lot of people on the internet that i thought we're gorgeous, but even when i questioned myself if i actually had a crush on somebody (when i thought twice in a row that they are pretty) deep down i knew that the answer was no, and i was just trying to fool myself.
Seventh grade. Oh boy.
This is the time where teens usually start thinking about romance, right? My cousin - she's my age - told me how she was in a couple of internet relationships and how one of them litterally showed up to her school dance to meet her (he is her age and he lived in the area, don't worry) when she broke up with him because she didn't actually wanted to date him when the possibility showed up. And i asked myself "why bother then" if she didn't want to date him for real then why did she "date him" at all?
My classmate also got a boyfriend at some point that she mentioned at school (at least in my presence) once, when she told a story how they were together 2 weeks and never spoke again. "Why then?" I still asked myself.
I thought, and still think, that 13-14 is too young to date. If you don't really want to try, or you don't really feel anything for the other person, or you litterally don't know them, then don't date?? It seemed so obvious to me. So I set myself a rule to follow. No dating before 15. First of all, 15 is the age that i think is acceptable for teens to date, kiss, whatever, second of all i thought i would be mature enough to handle that kind of thing.
I'm not.
I never assumed that when i turn 15 i automatically get a partner but- uh it's just such a weird concept. Aside the fact that I'm litterally mentally not ready to BE in a relationship because i have mental and emotional problems to figure out and fix first but i don't think i WANT to be in a relationship. It's too much, and i also am not able to even imagine falling in love with someone and having them liking me back, the chances are one in a billion!
Most of the time love is a fun concept, something that i maybe would want to experience, feel like everyone else and just be happy with my second half, but there are also times when i just want to stay with my parents and love them and them only, not caring about romance and these other disgusting stuff that people my age apparently like(??)
I just don't know. Everytime I try to figure it out i tell myself that I'm just too young and i will find my answer later in life, but is that really possible? I just want to know and live with full knowledge that i am looking for a partner or not.
Submitted April 15, 2023
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Hi! Question for you once you've had a chance to finish S3 of Ted Lasso: I'd love to hear your perspective on how S3 could have unfolded in a more fulfilling way. No pressure, of course, but I enjoy reading your insights. :)
Okay! I am rolling up my sleeves.
EXPRESSING-OPINIONS-ON-THE-INTERNET CAVEAT: I am not a media critic, and not everything in this post will be cohesive, well-thought-out, and non-contradictory. I do not for a moment pretend that my opinions are Correct, they are merely my own.
SECOND CAVEAT: At this point, with where they left arcs, I'm about 80% sure that depending on how the WGA strike goes (crossing my fingers for them) and any corporate retaliation for that, there will be a spinoff or continuation sans Ted. More of their choices make sense if that is true, even if I don't love the thought (let shows end!!!), so this is all changes I would make assuming s3 is the final season.
The thing about this season, for me, is that any given episode or moment was largely really enjoyable for me! Sure, a few quibbles, and the whole Roy and Keeley thing we will get to in a moment, but if I ignored the fact that I was watching a season, most things worked for me. Looking at it as a season, though, it was too busy, in a way that meant the show dropped a lot of things I wanted to see more of.
So, when pondering this question, I think that there's no way to keep everything I love while getting rid of only the things that annoyed me or that didn't feel right to me. And in the end, I'd rather miss things that weren't there than be annoyed with things that are present, so my take on s3 would streamline a lot of things to engage with others.
Oh boy, this is already long, time for a cut.
Change #1: Roy and Keeley do not break up. There was simply no reason for this, and especially no reason for it to happen off-screen. They can still fight and have difficulties, and Roy can deal with his mental health, but it's just unnecessary drama and I never understood it. This also prevents Roy and Jamie's weird last-episode regression to fighting over her and forcing her into shitty positions.
Change #2: Most of Keeley's plotlines change. All of the KJPR plots and characters were interesting, but they also busied the season up too much. So I'd have her actually building up a one-woman business without Jack (or, tragically, Barbara), maybe doing the Shandy thing and grappling with that for longer, or her dealing with the Establishment the way Rebecca does so often, trying to make them see her as a businesswoman and not a footballer's girlfriend.
Change #3: Beard and Jane break up. We get to carry over the threads from s2 from the Beard episode and from Higgins expressing his concern, instead of treating the way Jane treats him as comedy. We also get to counteract this show's everyone-deserves-not-just-forgiveness-for-everything-but-also-to-be-in-your-life-again message with one instance of someone setting out a boundary and sticking to it.
Change #4: Many of Nate's plots change. As with Barbara, I would really regret losing Jade, but I think there are better uses of Nate's screentime--he was set up to be a real main character in s2 and I felt like I hardly saw him in s3. What I really wanted was for Nate to learn how to have power over people responsibly, I think? I'd have chosen either for him to grit his teeth and stay at West Ham (perhaps while joining the conspiracy to overthrow Rupert) or, when he left, for him to somehow end up coaching a kids' team, and learn gentleness in authority that way. It would pick up this show's really genuinely cool theme of "once one person makes a point of stepping out of the cycle of abuse and trauma it can ripple out around them" in interesting ways.
And while there are many other tweaks I'd make (more Sam, his last focus plot was SO goddamn miserable; eliminate everything about the psychic; goodbye to Rebecca's boat stranger), I'm going to finish with the last big one, which is
Change #5: Ted gets to do something besides reinvent total football, pine for his son, and make speeches that should have been edited down to a third of their length tops. He just seems so checked out this whole season, just talking about how none of the work he's done is on him, all focused on Henry in the wrong ways, so that going back to Kansas felt more like a horrible sacrifice than a choice that will bring him fulfillment or contentment. He was always going to go back to Kansas and his son, much as I wasn't wild about that, but it doesn't feel like a new beginning for him, just like he's going back to his old life with a little more knowledge of football and more knowledge of how to model good parenting and relationships for his kid (while not, from the way I interpreted that last expression, dealing any further with his own mental health). It felt weirdly dark for this show.
(Also I know this show loves its book theming, and I know it's The Wizard of Oz (see: a song from The Wiz playing over the credits to the penultimate episode), but have they considered that in subsequent Oz books Dorothy and her family move back to Oz? Things to consider.)
#anyway this is purely about changes#not about complaining about some other things that bothered me this season#so hopefully it is not too negative for anyone who's feeling good about where things ended!#poetryincamelot#answered asks#ted lasso spoilers#i super do not want to get into Discourse please let's not#mostly people do not do that over here#but recent and divisive show finales can be touchy subjects
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I know various people have talked about how insular people around here are but like. we need to actually incorporate this fact into our behavior, and change it. and what I mean by this is. people who aren't online all the time have an extremely different perspective on almost everything we take for granted here.
like. my parents watched Sherlock. they enjoyed it a lot and my mom still makes jokes related to it without any irony or self-loathing. to them it was just. a fun detective show, a modern take on an old story. watch once and move on with life. she and my dad didn't spend several years knee-deep in navel-gazing meta that ruined it for everyone so now they can't talk about it without feeling like everyone's going to judge them for ever liking it in the first place.
partially this is a function of a lot of people here being teens & kids when it came out, but we (my parents & me) were adults. I was having a good time in fandom and look back on the 2010s pretty fondly while a lot of people here are still going through the process of hating their past selves, and you tend to project that onto the things you used to like. I did that too. and then I came around to forgiving & loving my past selves--all of them--which is why I have no problem admitting to all the things I loved in the early 90s & early 2000s but would have had a hard time admitting to 15 years ago.
but it's not just that. the weird refusal to pretend certain things never happened--Harry Potter. a smaller example, Firefly. etcetera. people think if you even mention HP at all you're automatically terf? like...if you go into the outside world, I'm sorry, but JKR's shit beliefs are not common knowledge. and like it or not that book kinda changed the world. and not all for the worse.
(I will NOT go off here on why Joss Whedon seems to get a pass for Buffy & Avengers but someone mentioned a bad thing about Firefly and now we can't talk about it at all--not to mention that it's apparently still okay for him to actively profit off of his work--but. that's off topic.)
(for the record my views are thus: neither of these creators should get any more money or attention as creators, but we shouldn't pretend that the stuff they made had zero effect on us as a culture or as individuals.)
this isn't really about any of these pieces of media specifically, it's more like. this weird insular culture that believes certain things are common knowledge and therefore if you ever talk about them except for in the Approved ways, You're Bad. it's not healthy here and it's not healthy if you ever plan to have a conversation with any living human.
I'm tired of like. if you post a gif of the wrong show you're cringe. if you reference a the wrong book you hate queer people. if you quote the wrong show you're racist. no matter what the actual gif or quote or reference is. it's not like that outside the internet and on the internet it feels like walking on very stupid eggshells.
I know how we got here but it's dumb. the past happened. it wasn't always perfect but we were still part of it. if we erase it we'll never learn from it but we'll also never get comfy with good the ways it shaped us.
we're so busy molding ourselves into a perfect future that we don't realize that the imperfect past got us here in the first place. let it exist. in all the ways it was.
#adventures in text posts#also to continue my fuckin. preaching.#you can curtail all day what people are & aren't allowed to talk about#but I ask you#what does any of this accomplish in terms of actually helping people#because I guarantee you my problematic (tm) mom does more for her community than any post I've read on this shithole#so what are you actually doing
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wrote this at like 11 pm 2 weeks ago and kept meaning to edit it i give up here take it
Shadow strutted into Four’s room as usual, choosing to forgo his perfected silent entrance. Even so, Four still jolted when he noticed him out of the corner of his eye.
“It’s late, Rain,” Shadow remarked as flopped down onto the bed next to Four. Four groaned as he rolled over to make room. It was nearly 3, in fact. Did that mean it was actually early? He wasn’t sure.
“Mm…couldn’t sleep,” Four replied lamely. Clearly a lie.
Shadow scoffed. “You know I can see when you’re online, right? Don’t pretend you even tried.”
Four sighed. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I dunno, lost track of time or something.” He set down his phone and rolled over to look at Shadow. “You weren’t sleeping either,” he pointed out.
“I was working, man! You were just lying here.”
“Working until 2 in the morning?”
“Fair point,” Shadow admitted. He’d gone down another internet rabbit hole. Something wasn’t right about this place, and Four knew it too. He just needed to figure out what.
“I guess…well, I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” Four said.
“Yeah, I knew,” Shadow replied. “You’ve been more distant, taking longer to respond- you’re not taking care of yourself, Four. Have you even been eating enough?” He llifted a strand of hair out of Four’s face. “What’s going on?”
Four didn’t reply for a few moments. “I…I’m not sure,” he decided. “Got caught up in…other things, and well, it’s just been so busy, I just kind of forgot, you know?”
Shadow nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do know.” He pulled Four close, realizing how thin he felt. “Just take care of yourself, alright?”
Four chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”
“Promise?” Shadow teased.
“Okay, okay, I promise!” Four laughed, chucking a pillow at Shadow.
“How’re the…roommates?”
“Housemates, I guess. They’re fine. I haven’t really been up to the third floor, but I am praying that the guy doesn’t have any more rooms. Nine people in a house is enough.”
“No kidding. Who even are they?” Shadow hadn’t seen much of them, he made a point to keep his presence as quiet as possible.
“Well, other than the homeowner…” (Now that guy was someone to look into. What kind of person just lets 8 other people live in his house? Maybe he had a secret desire for kids or something, but these were grown men. He was hoping it wasn’t some sort of weird fetish.) “There’s the kid. Pretty much just hangs in his room all day.”
“You say kid, how old even is he?”
"Dunno. Young. There's Hyrule, he's the doctor." Shadow figured that was good. The guy seemed trustworthy enough.
"What about the weird one? He a drug dealer or something?"
"Probably not. He's got some weird friend that hangs around here sometimes, but they don't bother anyone else." (If he was a drug dealer, Shadow would probably ask Four to come live with him. The risk of being arrested is not something either of them wanted to take.) "The others are pretty alright. There's Wild, he's a bit…well, wild."
"Mm. Yeah, there's some weird figures here, I've seen that much." Shadow nestled into Four's hair, the blond leaning back against him. "Be careful, Rain, okay?"
"Of course."
They stayed in silence then, Shadow holding Four close to him.
"I'm glad you're here," Four whispered to him a few minutes later.
"Me too."
(this is some au where shadow never finds out about what happens in hsh until it's over ig)
stares at '15 works in four/shadow' fINE ill do it myself (i love you all)
-secret third thing anon <3
STT anon out here doing god's work, these two are so damn soft it's gonna give me cavities...
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Creators, Fans, and Shame (mine)
This is not going to be a useful exploration that adds any value to fandom. This is just my personal fannish agony, documented in the hopes that I can leave it behind somehow.
I'm struggling to cope with the fact of a showrunner who actually seems to be pro-fan. I love it, it's amazing, I'm so grateful, it makes me happy, but then it also scares me. Can any showrunner start out pro-fan, and stay pro-fan?
Which, as I say it, sounds ridiculous. Surely people who create media like their fans. But we know the truth of it: creators have hated fans like us forever. We are used to being hated. We are used to be belittled and mocked. There's a part of my psyche that is just pure shielding at this point because I'm so used to it that I've gotten pretty good at blocking stuff out.
You know what stuff: I think I still have a copy of a cease & desist letter from a creator's laywers addressed to a fan for deigning to make fanfiction available on the internet: that's the kind of reaction I'm familiar with and used to. (It wasn't addressed to me, it was to someone I knew, but weren't we all making fanfiction available? Wasn't it sort of directed at all of us?) And all the laughing interviews, the jokes, the dismissal, being framed as stupid, vapid teen girls (why must everyone hate teen girls? I ask you) actors reading fanfiction in front of an audience for gross, humiliating laughs (my heart goes out to the fan writer that happened to: I cannot imagine, I just cannot), the discomfort with our existence, the dismay that we have voices and react to things, the outrage. We get embarrassed by it. We police each other to try and prevent it (I am guilty of this, and I'm sorry).
We have often been fans in spite of creators who behave this way towards us. The communities we build around a shared language and the stories we tell becomes more important to us than the original content. Fanwork is often criticism: a repair job, a rescue, a different, better narrative choice, or character choice. Does this kind of negative creator reaction to fandom make negatively-inspired fanwork more likely? I don't know.
It's tough when you admire creators so much and they turn around and sneer at you and laugh at you. It feels very personal and humiliating. Don't meet your heroes, etc. etc. right? I feel very weird about all this, because these creators that I admire so much, they don't know me, they're not aware of me at all. For good or for ill, it's not about me, really. We become a mass, a collective noun. But still, it is, on some level, also about me. It is personal.
I don't know what to do with any of this. the humiliation of getting scolded by a showrunner you admire, or even the delight of their joy in fandom when it comes, honestly. Parasocial relationships are a trip. I am very embarrassed about them. When I see any of my heroes in real life I am immediately so embarrassed by my own anonymous excitement that I can only pretend that I don't know who they are. My own one-sided admiration overwhelms me. And embarrasses me. That's a me thing.
Fundamentally I'm struggling now because I've believed in creators before and been let down by them. I've believed that they understood us and wouldn't lash out and hurt us in these specific ways. And I've been very wrong.
And you know, I don't even mean the queerbaiting, honestly. I mean being framed by people we deeply admire as silly, gross, dumb idiots who got it all horribly, self-indulgently wrong, you dumbasses. That really hurts in a way that sticks.
I have my own way of dealing with the queerbaiting thing, but maybe that's also just my shielding. Maybe I've created a way to process it to make it okay because of how common it's been through my whole life, and how much I want to be able to love certain swaths of media, I don't know.
But I don't need a story to do certain things in order to love it, or for it to be queer enough for me, or whatever. My struggle is with how creators talk about fans rationally reading stories as queer. David Jenkins called it gaslighting, and I think he's 100% correct. To dismiss and deny that the reading is there and reasonable at all is hurtful in a way that I find hard to describe. Gaslighting is the right word for it, because it's an abuse tactic. And that's how it feels.
And now I'm going to get into this: I want to talk about Sherlock. (Oh god, really? Yes. Yes, I'm going to talk about it, hopefully just this once, and then let it go.)
When I first saw Sherlock S1 when it aired, I thought it was wonderfully slashy in a self-aware way, and given that it's kind of a prequel, "how Sherlock Holmes becomes Sherlock Holmes," and how they were already framing the relationship, I figured that the story would give in to the romance on some level, though I figured it probably wouldn't be in an on-the-nose way. I imagined it would be romantically ambiguous to the end, and to be honest, after 4 series, I will still argue that that's exactly what it ended up being.
I remain perfectly confident in the argument that Sherlock is very much a story about two men who fall desperately in love with each other, but have so much personal baggage that they can't do anything with the truth of that love other than wrestle with it, know that it's true and real, and have to find a way to live with the sheer impossibility of it.
Conceptually, I like that story, even if it's queerbaity. I think it's immensely tragic and beautiful, monstrous and beautiful, and while it would suck for every story to be like that, I loved a story that would play with love in that way. I loved writing fanfiction that explored and pushed through that tension. The fact of the romantic impossibility was a sort of invitation to write ways that it could happen. Is that strange? Maybe that's just a coping mechanism I've developed. Anyway. I was okay with the story. It's sort of queering the backstory of these two men in Arthur Conan Doyle's stories, giving them this fraught romantic history.
There's a whole mess in there about fandom conspiracies and whatnot. I really never understood any of that and I was truly shocked by what happened in fandom when series 4 aired. I'm embarrassed that I didn't see it coming when the signs were there, and that I didn't understand it that fannish shipping had tipped over into something else that I still can't completely wrap my head around, so I won't pretend to have a useful opinion about any of that.
What hurt me the most wasn't the way the narrative about the relationship resolved. It was the way the creators talked about it the queer reading of the story, and about us, after series 4 aired. As if we were gross and silly and wrong. And ridiculous. And offensive. And they were angry with us.
I realize creators see fandom from a very different vantage point than I do, and I'm sure there's more going on than I can possibly be aware of, real life stuff, scary stuff fans may have been up to, but the dramatic reaction from the Sherlock creators dismissing all the very legible and originally self-aware romantic elements of their own story shocked the hell out of me, and made me feel...well, stupid and ashamed, honestly. Because I didn't see any of that coming on any level. I thought they understood us.
I didn't, and still don't, see anything wrong with wanting an implied queer romance to go from subtext to text. I didn't see anything wrong with arguing that it could, or even that it should. What would actually happen in the story was a whole other matter, but the fannish conversations about the potential of the narrative were fair and legit, as far as I'm concerned. I never expected to be told that I was imagining it the whole time. I trusted that Steven Moffat in particular wouldn't do that. And I'm embarrassed that I believed that he wouldn't. I'm hugely disappointed that he did.
And I'm embarrassed that I'm embarrassed, because of the parasociality of it all! Steven Moffat doesn't know me. It's not about me. But, at the same time, it is. I'm part of that collective noun. And I wasn't wrong about that story.
And now I think David Jenkins would not do that to us, and I truly believe he wouldn't, because he's already confirmed it in the text and in conversations about the text. We're free. I think he actually understands. He seems to understand it better than I do. I like the way he frames it. He's given me a way to think about all this that's actually very useful, and healing. And because this story isn't gaslighting us, there shouldn't be a whole dialogue about fans getting it wrong and stupid, sex-obsessed girls. Right?
Right?
I need a hug.
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Hi!
I love your writing so very much but I have to go anon cause I’m shy hehe.
Would you be open to writing something about a superchub!Bucky and his doting bf Steve playing around with immobility kink?
Steve spending a day stuffing Bucky until he can’t stand up from the couch, getting everything for him so he never get up for the whole of it, taunting Bucky a little bit that if he keeps this up he’ll be too big to do anything for himself but eat (they’re both a little turned on by imagining it).
Idk if that is anything you might like, but I wanted to ask bc again I love your content!
Hey!
Thank you!! 🥰
And what else is the anon function on Tumblr for? Lol sometimes you gotta peak out between your fingers while sending someone your thots, I get it!
Would you be open to writing something about a superchub!Bucky and his doting bf Steve playing around with immobility kink?
One word: YES.
But also many more words than just one-
Warning for unbeta'd stucky belly kink with fantasy and real immobility kink, stuffing, weight gain, etc.
I love love love the idea of Bucky sitting and being doted on the entire day, getting fuller and fuller, packed tighter and tighter, belly getting rounder and rounder under that thick layer of fat 😳
However, you know what this made me think of??
It made me a think of a feedism post I saw forever ago and can't track down rn but it amounted to: wouldn't it be great if for a weekend we pretend I'm immobile? You bring me food. You feed me. You fuck me and do all the work. It's fun. It's hot. It becomes an every weekend activity. And then a vacation activity, a stay-cation in our house except... after it keeps happening, our role played immobility, eventually, I really become immobile. It takes a while for us to notice though. Because weren't still playing. So lost in the game. Until- it's not a game anymore 😳
Like, imagine that happening with this huge Bucky and Steve-? 🥴🥴🥴
It starts years back when Bucky just first gets a little, erm, husky from bulking at the gym. For this bulk he ends up not going to workout as much as he planned to because he gets super busy with work or whatever, but in his mind, he’s still bulking, so he eats like he really was bulking until… oops… he's gained like 15, maybe 20 lbs? Getting some nice fluff on top of his muscles and, oh, Bucky really likes the way it feels.
The way it feels being bigger.
The way it feels when Steve feeds him.
And he really likes this new kink he’s found on the internet while trying to figure out just how weird he was for liking those two things. Turns out... he's not all that weird. Theres a community of people around it, actually.
He introduces the kink to Steve and they dive into it fast. Steve remains a gym rat as they both were when they began dating, but he comes home and feeds Bucky until Bucky feels like he can’t move. Steve teases Bucky that he’s eating everything Steve craves but can’t have (that’s not really what’s going on, but the role-play of it gets them both hot so… what does it matter, whether its true or not?). And eventually, Steve teases Bucky that if he keeps stuffing himself, he won’t be able to move when he used to go to the gym twice a day. What a change. Bucky likes the change. He likes the idea of being pinned to one spot by his changes. He likes the contrast between all his soft, round fat and Steve's cut, hard muscles. Steve's fitness versus Bucky's fatness.
Bucky begs Steve to stuff him until he can’t move, he's so desperate to feel more of those feelings he's having surrounding his (sort of) new kink. His new body.
He begs and begs and begs.
And eats and eats and eats because Steve can’t resist his begging or his puppy dog eyes or his pouting.
With all that intense feeding, both stuffing on junk food and the red meat (for Steve's muscle/gains) and boost/gainer shakes, Bucky piles on weight criminally easy until he really is on the cusp of immobility because it takes so much effort to move. He’s so heavy.
And it's all Bucky wants for Steve to keep him as his pet glutton, unable to move and doted on by his ridiculously fit, strong, and capable boyfriend. All he wants to get larger and larger, fatter and fatter while Steve gets more fit- he's training for a marathon right now. The contrast between their bodies is endlessly sexy to them both...
They play with immobility a lot. It’s easier to play the closer it gets too.
So, playing, the most Bucky moves for a while is between the couch and the bed, heavy, plodding steps that take forever, winding Bucky while his boyfriend is right next to him, light on his feet and only breathing heavily because he’s turned on. Turned on by this because Bucky is turned on by it too; it being the heavy jiggle of all his fat as he shuffles from the bed to the couch, stuffed from breakfast in bed and now holding what part of his stomach that he can actually reach. Trying to hold himself together practically. He’s so round. He’s so stuffed but you can’t tell because his packed hard stomach is buried under all that blubber. And by the time he gets to the couch, he’s had to stop several times, pausing to gather his strength to get there.
Once on the couch, Steve brings him a gainer shake not unlike the protein shakes he makes for himself before he goes to the gym (but with about double the calories and more sugar) to “keep up his fluids”. Bucky guzzles it down like nothing. Like it's water. He’s still hot and sweaty from walking. Hot as in temperature and hot as in turned on... Steve is gonna have to use that gym-honed strength to lift his heavy, heavy tummy and fat pad up out of the way to get to his dick before long 🥵 Then, he can use his hands or put his mouth on him while Bucky rubs his upset, full tummy and contemplates how he could possibly get himself fuller. 🥴🥴 Ever hungry for the perfect feeling of being pushed all the way to his limits- about to burst he’s so bloated and full and heavy with it. Getting heavier the more he eats. The more he stuffs into his fat face.
But that’s the thing.
Bucky stays on the couch for the rest of the day- eating. He has snacks while sitting on the couch. He has lunch while sitting on the couch. He has more snacks while sitting on the couch. He has dinner while sitting on the couch. He has dessert while sitting on the couch. He… he tries to get up to follow Steve to the bedroom so they can sleep together, Steve cuddling as close as he possibly can to his big, fat, fucking huge boyfriend who's body is a pillow all over, soft, but-
Oh, shit.
Bucky moans. He can’t get up.
It’s not the first time he’s eaten himself into the inability to get up off the couch, so they camp out in the living room all night. However, it is the first time he’s done it by accident. Usually, when he can’t move from the couch to the bed it’s pretend, more of that role-play, or it’s planned in the day's events… an all-day stuffing that leaves him unable to move under the weight of all those calories. Now he just can’t move from a normal day of eating.
God.
That shouldn’t make him as hot as it does but… here he is. And Steve has to go and find his cock where it’s buried under all his blubber again.
...
In the morning - when he’s the lightest and his stomach is the least round it’ll be all day, not yet stuffed full - Bucky tries again. He grunts and then moans.
He can’t get up. 🥵😫
He can’t-
Fuck.
It’s all his fantasies (all the realistic ones) come true.
He’s eaten himself so big he can’t get off his huge, fat ass. He’s too fucking fat. So big. So large that Steve has to stretch himself out to straddle one of his huge thighs. So massive that he can’t touch the roundest part of his stomach, it’s grown out so big, so round. So vast that he’s got more than a double chin- three or four instead. So mammoth that he’s stuck in place, overwhelmed by his own body.
Steve is overwhelmed by his body too.
Sure, they could ease up and not stuff Bucky every hour (probably more like every half hour at this point) and he would drop enough weight quickly, it’s not like he’ll starve, that he could get mobility back in the snap of someone’s fingers but… this is too good. It's too good to be stuck on his huge ass with his only job to eat. It's not even his own job to rub his unbelievably massive stomach anymore. He can't reach all of it. So he can't do a good job of it. Steve has to do that instead. Bucky just gets to stuff his face and grow.
I went off-script from your prompt but I hope you still enjoyed it 🥰
#ask#belly kink#text#stuffing#weight gain#immobility#stucky#bucky barnes#steve rogers#chubby bucky#fat bucky#mylevisdontfitanymore
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I'm pretty sure I've written this scene like 3937163526 times but whatever lmao here you go
Shadow strutted into Four’s room as usual, creaking the door ever so slightly so Four knew he was here. Even so, Four still jolted when he noticed him out of the corner of his eye.
“It’s late, Rain,” Shadow remarked as flopped down onto the bed next to Four. Four groaned as he rolled over to make room. It was nearly 3, in fact. Did that mean it was actually early? He wasn’t sure.
“Mm…couldn’t sleep,” Four replied lamely. Clearly a lie.
Shadow scoffed. “You know I can see when you’re online, right? Don’t pretend you even tried.”
Four sighed. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I dunno, lost track of time or something.” He set down his phone and rolled over to look at Shadow. “You weren’t sleeping either,” he pointed out.
“I was working, man! You were just lying here.”
“Working until 2 in the morning?”
“Fair point,” Shadow admitted. He’d gone down another internet rabbit hole. Something wasn’t right about this place, and Four knew it too. He just needed to figure out what.
“I guess…well, I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” Four said.
“Yeah, I knew,” Shadow replied. “You’ve been more distant, taking longer to respond- you’re not taking care of yourself, Four. Have you even been eating enough?” He llifted a strand of hair out of Four’s face. “What’s going on?”
Four didn’t reply for a few moments. “I…I’m not sure,” he decided. “Got caught up in…other things, and well, it’s just been so busy, I just kind of forgot, you know?”
Shadow nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do know.” He pulled Four close, realizing how thin he felt. “Just take care of yourself, alright?”
Four chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”
“Promise?” Shadow teased.
“Okay, okay, I promise!” Four laughed, chucking a pillow at Shadow.
“How’re the…roommates?”
“Housemates, I guess. They’re fine. I haven’t really been up to the third floor, but I am praying that the guy doesn’t have any more rooms. Nine people in a house is enough.”
“No kidding. Who even are they?” Shadow hadn’t seen much of them, he made a point to keep his presence as quiet as possible.
“Well, other than the homeowner…” (Now that guy was someone to look into. What kind of person just lets 8 other people live in his house? Maybe he had a secret desire for kids or something, but these were grown men. He was hoping it wasn’t some sort of weird fetish.) “There’s the kid. Pretty much just hangs in his room all day.”
“You say kid, how old even is he?”
"Dunno. Young. There's Hyrule, he's the doctor." Shadow figured that was good. The guy seemed trustworthy enough.
"What about the weird one? He a drug dealer or something?"
"Probably not. He's got some weird friend that hangs around here sometimes, but they don't bother anyone else." (If he was a drug dealer, Shadow would probably ask Four to come live with him. The risk of being arrested is not something either of them wanted to take.) "The others are pretty alright. There's Wild, he's a but…
"Mm. Yeah, there's some weird figures here, I've seen that much." Shadow nestled into Four's hair, the blond leaning back against him. "Be careful, Rain, okay?"
"Of course."
They stayed in silence then, Shadow holding Four close to him.
"I'm glad you're here," Four whispered to him a few minutes later.
"Me too."
honestly I'm pretty sure this was gonna go somewhere but I got too tired to insert a plot so this is the soup you get 🍲
--secret third thing anon, too lazy to edit this because tumble hates formatting
I love this so much!!!
Shadow casually tracking everyone Four lives with is just so mwah chefs kiss - I love when he’s that special brand of protective and intrusive that’s all him. And him being sus of Time is just perfect. Because seriously - who just invites eight random guys off the street into his home filled with expensive and fancy stuff?
Secret thank you! You’re always welcome to drop things into my inbox! I love hearing from you ❤️
#secret third thing anon#the soup is hot everyone should come get some#townhouse au#hsh au#st0rmyverse#hsh four#hsh shadow
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5. What is something you wish others would understand about your muse?
He's weird and nonsensical and whimsical on purpose
Yes that can be overwhelming or confusing at first, even for me the person making this all up, but my inbox is always open if you have questions. I try to host world building Wednesdays every week so people can get their questions out in the open without feeling stupid
Also he's not a Mary Sue, please stop calling him one.
"But he's someone's deviant art oc come to life, you said so" I did and I mean that, but I will not sit here and have my work insulted like that
Yes he's weird and op, because it's fun to write
Yes he's got 50 billion anime boyfriends, because it's fun to write
Yes he's got a lot of kids, he's a rabbit that's the entire joke, rabbits have a lot of kids, plus everyone seems to enjoy the shenanigans his kids get into and it's fun to write
I'm trying to have fun playing pretend on the internet but it's hard when people don't
Get it?
There's posts about how cringe culture is dead followed immediately by "We should bring back bullying actually" when someone isn't acceptable levels of weird
Jack's entire story is about a kid who made a world full of characters that they loved SO MUCH that it all came to life and loved them back but people bullied the writer for their stories, so writer started to hate what they made and the stories were abandoned, becoming so hurt and depressed they started EATING other "better" stories and art and wearing all the shiniest parts of them in hopes the writer would stop hating them. But it never happened and now the story is a swollen multi Fandom mess that won't stop growing and becoming more and more convoluted.
My entire blog is "please don't bully creatives, especially young ones" but it still fucking happens and it drives me up the wall.
I'm probably gonna get shit about this later and I'm sorry
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you’re weird and obsessed. the truth is, all of you actually are insecure and jealous that he finally has a girlfriend, and how do you cope? you dig up any little thing about her and convince yourself she must be a horrible person and therefore he is too. please go outside and touch grass and socialize with normal people. this obsession with celebrities and not treating them like humans and feeling like you’re entitled to them being the perfect version you’ve created in your head is fucking absurd. i looked for the racism and the only thing i could find where her friends tweets from fucking 2012. People do change and this whole internet mob mentality and constant witch hunt over who has said fucked up things in their life is so fucking tiring. And then you attack him for his looks as if you aren’t thirsting over his characters which are… him. get. a. grip. you’re 28 and too fucking old for this shit. A grown ass woman throwing a fit on the internet because the man she finds hot has a girlfriend. Literally all your posts are about him, you can’t stop talking about him and you label it “holding him accountable” please, what in the fake activism is going on. This whole account is so cringe as well, not you role playing with “andy” anons (which was filmed like two three years ago?? but yet you insist that he’s not hot anymore because he’s old LMAOOO). Genuinely hope you get well soon sis.
Hey there.
I apologize for the slow reply, I was at the gym. What were you doing? Perhaps hiding on the internet behind the anon button because you're too scared to say it to peoples faces?
Yeah, thought so.
Anyway, messages like this are so interesting to me.
You see, the people who, like me, do not support this thing, we make our opinions known on our blogs here but that's where we keep it. I can't speak on behalf of others, but I have never sent a hateful message to the real people involved in this, nor have I ever gone on anon to send a hateful message to someone who disagreed with how I felt.
What I have done, is post it on my own blog, and if you'll go back and read the post, it said I was disappointed. And then I turned it around on those people who love to call us crazy and obsessive and jealous.
Which is what's so funny to me; you can't even see that the person you're talking about in that message to me, is yourself. You actively sought me out, wrote an OBSESSIVELY long message about how obsessed I AM, all to defend the middle aged white man that you claim I SECRETLY WANT BUT YOU DON'T.
You call me a fake social justice warrior while legitimately doing the same thing I am, except yours is worse because you can't even stand by your words.
I said what I said. I stand by what I said. I don't give a shit when cowards like you come for me.
And regarding the Andy nonnie thing; that is something my followers do for me. They come in and pretend to be anons. It's a fun thing we've done for a while, and it's because they like me and want to interact with me in a fun way.
Do you have any people following you who'd ever do that for you?
I'm gonna go with probably not, considering you're hiding right now. But let me put it into perspective: you people, who claim WE'RE the insane ones, are hiding and losing followers and acting ridiculous in defense of this man, while the rest of us stick with the people who have the same point of views as us.
And considering I gained over 100 followers yesterday ALONE, I'd say there are quite a few people out there who agree with what I have to say.
This blog is full of Chris because I used to be a huge supporter of him. I used to be a big fan. When shady things came to light, I took a look at them, and I didn't like what I saw. You may not think that saying and doing racist stuff on the internet ten years ago is no big deal; I think it is.
In fact, wasn't it just in 2020 when people were getting fired for tweets they'd written over 10 years earlier?
Yes, yes it was.
I am just giving the same energy to your toxic fave as I did to those people.
And regarding the jealousy.. It is such a lazy insult. Please come up with something better.
Maybe try something like this:
You're pathetic for coming into my inbox ranting about how obsessed and crazy I am, when you legitimately sought me out to spew hate and couldn't even be brave enough to be held accountable for it.
Pathetic.
And maybe you're the jealous one because people are supporting what I say and how I think, and no one is doing it with you. Yes?
Okay. Goodbye.
Have an entirely toxic day.
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Anon for my safety <3
I have DID as well prof diagnosed, and reading your posts hit home. It hurts so badly when I see kids who were similarly abused and developed a literal last resort disorder just to survive, only to be called “cringe” and “attention seeker” when they genuinely seek help. God forbid a trauma victim find joy in life, you must suffer forever in order to be valid.
Me and my host are in a dedicated relationship with eachother, we love each other so openly and emotionally in a way you can’t feel with a “real” (/s )relationship. Our minds are forever intertwined, our existence built on abuse and terror no child should ever receive. And yet, in midst of all the chaos, the lost time, the confusion, we learn that loving each other is loving ourselves, and I would have it no other way.
the love for her is healing for me, it is a reminder that we live and we love, that we are not broken and insane as the media portrays us. There is something so domestic about it, and perhaps we are even saving money on the grocery bill. The situation is not ideal, the circumstances are not great, but being alive, even as nothing more than an “alter” as all and everything I could have ever asked for.
I hope that ever person who similarly suffers as we did seeks help and receives gentle and tender care. As much as I would like to pretend, we are still ill and must still fight the demons of trauma that were imposed on us. This disorder is not an easy one, but it is not a curse either. Let your alters know you love them, appreciate them for the memories they hold, similar to yourself. When you care for them, you care for you.
i am not as eloquent about the subject of in-system dating in public spaces such as tumblr because i. have been notably hurt over it before. so i am awkward. however i wanted to thank you a lot for sending this message because i don't think i've ever actually felt like someone Understands the seriousness of my relationship and the... specific kind of love that emerges from dating an alter, someone who is both you and not you and who intimately knows you in your actual darkest moments and who only exists because of those memories. someone you change from being forced to spend your life with and instead choose to spend your life with. someone who embodies healing from the worst of trauma. the sort of love that is both loving another and learning to love yourself. Overcoming. Living. etc. so thank you for helping me/us feel Seen today tbh. all my posts this morning were spawned from a nightmare i had last night and it was really ruining my mood today but this cheered me up a little bit.
like you said DID is not easy and the situation is definitely not ideal but it is not a curse, it's proof that we survived. learning to love and care for your alters is learning to love yourself and all the fragmented parts of you. anyone who is suffering with this hell deserves the care and assistance to be able to get to a point where there is joy and it's not nothing but constant suffering. not people on the internet further shoving them away from recovery and telling them they're wrong for wanting to experience joy and not hate themselves for eternity. it is so pessimistic to believe that people with DID will never be happy. it is hard to be happy but it is possible! we make the best of it even when it fucking sucks!! that's survival babey!!!
idk how clearly i worded this sorry if anything came off a little weird i am super switchy and disoriented today actually </3 but hopefully what i was trying to say came thru anyways
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PINNED POST 2023
hello new people & current people alike, time for a slightly updated infopost as the internet crumbles around us!
i'm 42 and every year i will continue to age at the speed of regular time. i am an adult who creates content exclusively for other adults. if you are under 18 i have zero interest in your attention or your opinion! block me! if you ignore this warning (and the warnings below!), follow me, and get upset when you see something you knew was going to upset you, that's a problem of your own creation and i will block YOU if you complain. I'M NOT YOUR DAD. BLOCK ME & MOVE ON. I WILL CONTINUE BEING A WEIRD OLD FREAK UNTIL I DIE.
i like & create a variety of things including original stuff AND fandom stuff! i like cute stuff & i like absolutely vile stuff! i like traditional mediums and i like digital art! what i'm into shifts on the regular and if you prefer a more focused experience, this is not the webzone for you.
DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU DO NOT LIKE: eyes, holes, FLESH, tits, and teeth. generally, if body horror or nudity upsets you, following me will be an absolute nightmare! protect yourself! i'm also a creator of Explicit Filth elsewhere online, so if you're one of Those People who get the vapors if someone draws weird genitals or pretend violence whatever, know that i will besmirch your bizarrely curated purity if you linger near my very obvious stink lines. i don't do a ton of tagging because even my sfw work gets flagged sometimes due to my non euclidian shapes, but know that i DO adhere to the pathetic rules of this website and nothing actually explicit is posted here.
anons will never be turned on again because you weird slobbery children don't know how to behave normally. fyi: i am a normal person and exist irl! i buy groceries and say 'wow BIG stretch' to my dogs like everyone else. consider being normal to me if you decide to attempt interacting with me! i'd love that!!
i only post MY OWN STUFF on here (sole exception: i WILL reblog fanart of my own creatures!). it is a choice i made many moons ago and i'm stickin to it! i have a sideblog for reblogs & possibly more general chatter now that twitter is, as of this post, in literal flames. same rules apply there as they do here! i do not have focused interests and do even more minimal tagging there than i do on here. FOLLOW AT YOUR OWN RISK. @sidebloggington
i'm always happy to share my process, digital brushes, or any other info you might want to know about how i make stuff! i know the tone of this post is pretty grouchy but i am a skittish little guy irl and i need to puff up real big to trick predators into leaving me alone. also i taste terrible, which i feel my vibrant markings express plainly.
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