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echoofheartbeats · 1 year

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I posted 31 times in 2022

That's 6 more posts than 2021!

3 posts created (10%)

28 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@radioactiveswampmonsters

@everythingeverywhereallatonce

@onereyofstarlight

@the-forest-of-talking-trees

@rhystheceo

I tagged 28 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#everything everywhere all at once - 8 posts

#euphoria - 4 posts

#cries in euphoria - 3 posts

#fleabag - 2 posts

#taylor swift - 2 posts

#midnights - 2 posts

#a beautifully foolish endeavor - 2 posts

#my post - 1 post

#i literally watched all of season 1 and two episodes of season 2 in one day - 1 post

#i mean 30 ish min episodes and a total of 12 - 1 post

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i took my time with this show and finished it on tuesday and then i spent most of thursday and some of friday and saturday binging it again

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

6 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

October 3rd, 2022

Briana and I went to Powell's on the first day of our trip. Being that Fairy Tale was just published September 6th, 2022 and it's by the Stephen King meant it was on ever end cap and right in front of our faces. With quite a bold rich blue color and a contrasting gold orange, it was easy for it to catch my attention. That day I could barely comprehend what the summary was, I didn't even really flip through the pages, I just knew I was intrigued. That day I did buy 3 other books, but couldn't keep my mind off Fairy Tale.

October 16th, 2022

Even though I tried to read my other books, I ended up buying the audiobook and started to listen. Seth Numrich's narration seriously blew me away.

It has felt really special to start something that feels truly like mine. A lot of what I consume are recs, from friends and family and the general internet. I always love it, but it's been thrilling to not have heard a single thing about this story and to truly have no idea where it would end up.

November 12th, 2022

I just completed Fairy Tale and I had a little cry and told a few people I finished it and decided to write this. I have a hardcover print version on the way. I'm excited to reread my favorite bits and look at the illustrations. I truly loved the world and characters that were created. Listening to a 24 hour audiobook sounded like a big task, especially since I'm not great at or consistent with reading at all, but somehow, Charlie's story swept me up and transported me. I can see how some may critique it for being long or slow or typical for a fairy tale, but that's what I found so charming about it. It was simple but complicated, it conveyed one's journey with themselves and others so well. To me it was full of twists and turns and was an ultimate escape. I also really feel like Fairy Tale connected me to so many things I love - stories that King intentionally referenced and not.

Somehow after the fact, I'm thinking about the bravery and courage of Harry Potter fighting the snake-like Voldemort, Charlie versus the Flight Killer. Radar had a Winn-Dixie feeling to her (or really name any important hound in film). A dog that touched the hearts of many. The Empisarians/the gray people's melted deformed features kind of reminded me of the horrors of Coraline. I expected King would get even darker or scarier but that's super okay it didn't go there. Even simply his name being Charlie, reminded me of Charlie in the Chocolate Factory- it's truly a name I've loved all my life. Giants and mermaids, animals that were too large and a cranky old man with secrets. Another world that you travel into thru a fairly normal appearance on the Earth side reminded me of Narnia.

Fairy Tale by Stephen King connected me back to the fantasy and wonder I've been needing again and for that, I say thank you and I highly recommend my new favorite book to anyone who is ready for an adventure of good and evil.

Also keeping my eyes peeled for the movie that is already being talked about being produced!

This girl is feeling super sappy and mourning the end of Fairy Tale but also so happy that I was able to experience it and happy that I get to keep experiencing it in the future.

7 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Me when watching The Boys:

12 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #This is wild lol look how far we've come

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lino-know · 3 years

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Misfits

pairing :: reader insert! w/ lee know word count (chapter) :: 2.5k chapter count :: 1/? genre :: historical au!, enemies to lovers, mostly fluff + adventure

description :: in which you and minho are travelling bandits who steal things for a living, but he has an uncanny talent for getting in your way and finding where you are. also known as me speed-running the enemies to lovers trope and squeezing it into the span of god knows how many chapters.

note :: I say 'enemies to lovers', when it's really a combination of witty banter and increasing sexual tension. there is a plot if you squint hard enough, but honestly it's mostly the reader running away from minho and minho squirreling his way back into their heart.

also there is smut, but it’s later in the story.

see the end for historical notes if you’re interested!

also posted on ao3

schedule :: updates every tuesday until it finishes!

the three kingdoms, despite how strong and fortified they seem from the outside, are ultimately the best place to be a bandit. for one, each kingdom has a rivalry with the other two, which makes it easy for criminals to slip unseen between one or the other. for another, the kingdoms are so constantly at war with each other that the officials don't really have time for anything except for warfare, and politics. which means that none of the authorities would bother themselves with the likes of you, a thief traversing across the lands making a living by picking pockets, charming people and sometimes reselling whatever you took. Well, not necessarily in that order.

having travelled between the borders countless numbers of times, the guards are already familiarised with the sight of you and your horse as you approach the gates. grinning, one of them starts to ease the large city gates open. "I see you're back, _______-nim."

in return, you smile back, pulling a small pouch from one of the bags hanging from your horse's back. "how can I forget such a beautiful city, yoon-nim?"

he laughs, and you toss the pouch at him, before leading your horse through. "remember to share it, yoon-nim!" you call back, and the gates close behind you. bribing the guards isn't really part of the job description, per se, but you make sure to do it anyways. it always helps to have an ally somewhere, somehow. and it's especially important if you're being chased on horseback by someone from another kingdom, when they actually find out and actually give a damn. which is also why you decided to make baekje your refuge and sanctuary of sorts - you know you'll always be safe here.

the city of sabi is as busy as always, with its bustling marketplaces and everyone milling around with an agenda in mind. not only are there merchants from baekje walking around, selling their goods, but also merchants from china, japan, and some other manner of dress that you've never seen before. you smile and take a deep breath, the fresh ocean air never failing to be refreshing and relaxing. "_______-ssi!"

at the sound of your name, you whirl around and spot yeon, one of the shopkeepers that you're most familiar with in the city. "you back from another trip?"

"yeah, just came back from goguryeo." leading your horse on with the reins, you near his store, leaning closer to scrutinise his goods. "the wars there are terrible - I just managed to escape."

"I suppose you didn't manage to get as many pickings as you used to, then?"

"hmmmm," you hum absent-mindedly, intentionally avoiding his question. shopkeepers, regardless of their facade, are all the same - all they want are goods they can buy off others at a low price, then selling them at a much higher price and wheedling you to buy it until you give in. you've long since learnt the art of bartering, but it's always a tricky business, and a thin line to tread. picking up one of the jade pieces in his store, you hold it up to the light. "how much is this?"

yeon frowns at not receiving an answer. However, he takes it from you nonetheless. "this isn't worth any oshuchon. I'll give it to you for three bolts of hemp." setting the piece of jade onto his table, the shopkeeper taps it a little thoughtfully. "you can get it to a blacksmith, smooth it out, and take it to the jeweler's. hong would probably be able to make something out of it. he'd take it off your hands for three oshuchon, easily."

"that's a good suggestion," you agree, turning around to your horse to get the bolts of hemp from your bag. however, just as you're about to hand over the material, a hand comes out of nowhere and places down two pieces of silver on the counter. "I'll take it for two oshuchon."

instantly, you whirl around in indignation to see who it was disturbing your transactions, and is surprised to see the hand belonging to a handsome young man. however, he barely spares you a glance, merely a lazy flicker of eyes to your direction before being directed back to yeon, who is standing there baffled. "two oshuchon?" he prompts, cocking his head.

"b-but sir," taken aback, yeon seems to lose his words for a moment. clearing his throat, he starts again. "but sir, that piece of rough rock is barely worth anything. three oshuchon is what I predict for what it could become, not for its current price." he pauses. "you'll be wasting your money if you're spending this much."

"two oshuchon," the young man repeats. "take it, or leave it." and of course, being the shopkeeper that he is, there is no way yeon will refuse such a generous offer. he quickly snatches up the silver pieces in the offered palm, and hands the customer the stone. giving yeon a brief nod, he pockets the jade piece, but just as he's about to leave, you come back to your senses. "hey!" you grab the man's wrist to prevent him from leaving. he sighs, as if you're the one bothering him instead of vice versa. "what?"

"I was here first. I had my eye on the jade piece first." your eyes narrow, and you frown. he scowls and wretches his wrist out of your grasp. "the hell you barging in and just snatching my purchase from me?" the man rubs his arm resentfully, before scoffing. "well, the shopkeeper agreed to my purchase. I paid for it fair and square, and he accepted it." he pauses, a small smirk appearing on his face. "I don't see what the problem is."

furious at his seemingly unbothered demeanor, your blood starts to boil. "well I do! if you don't know, this country has its own set of rules, and its own set of traditions. come to think of it, even if you're not from baekje you should've been taught manners. or are you not even capable of that, you bastard?"

the smirk slides off his face, and his eyes narrow in return. a sense of satisfaction settled over you as you successfully rile him up, but just before he could respond Yeon quickly intervenes in the fight. "Now, now. ________, I have other jade goods as well, why don't you take a look at them? and sir," he bows at the young man, an action that makes you scoff in disbelief. "my apologies for my acquaintance. they mean well." at his words, your eyes widen in indignation, but before you can put in another word yeon's glare silences you. the young man nods, satisfied, having gained victory. "you'll do well to remember your place, peasant." laughing, he spins on his heel, and walks away.

still furious, you wheel on yeon. "what's that for?"

the shopkeeper raises his head and cocks an eyebrow at you. "don't you know who that man was?"

"why would I know who that insolent brat is?"

yeon blinks, then guffaws loudly. "insolent brat, eh? I'd think that was a more appropriate title for you, ______." he pokes your cheek affectionately, but you brush him off, annoyed. sensing your mood, the shopkeeper clears his throat, sobering. "that 'guy' is one of the most fearsome figures in all of the three kingdoms. no one knows where he's from, or what his name is, but his nickname is the 'white wolf'. and there are pretty wild stories about him out there too."

"like what?"

he shrugs, and slides the silver pieces into his pouch. "apparently he rode all the way to daxing in china in the span of two months and came back with his bags full of Chinese treasures, fighting back guards on the way back. he managed to enter the city gates of goguryeo just in time, and to lessen the king's fury at leading the enemy right up to their gates even visited him to offer all the goods he had. And legend has it, when he was dining with the king, he was asked to show his military skills and managed to defeat the goguryeo's top generals." yeon ducks under the table and rummages around. "of course, whether that's true or not, no one knows. now!" the shopkeeper places a smooth, white stone in front of you. "this is by no means as high quality as that piece of jade, but it's a rare gem from the shores of silla. one bolt of silk, how about that?"

you hesitate, before an idea crosses your mind. "do you have any blades?"

night soon falls, and you find yourself drifting towards the guesthouses by the river, feet weary and in desperate need of rest after a long day of bargaining. most of the goods you've hauled back (coughs, stolen) from goguryeo has been sold off to the sabi merchants, but they'd been filled with baekje goods in return, through actual, legitimate means. All in all, a fruitful day, and you were negotiating with the proprietress for a warm meal after having put your bags in the room upstairs, when you saw him.

instantly, your fingers close around the dagger hanging on your waist. yeon had tried and failed to convince you not to purchase the blade, having guessed correctly that you wanted to go after the so-called 'white wolf' and chop his head off with it, but you'd manage to persuade him otherwise by handing over two pieces of oshuchon. the knife definitely wasn't worth that much, but you could see it's sturdy and will last you at least three years before being demoted to scrap metal. plus, the handle is laden with actual silver. with any luck, you can resell it for double its price.

the infuriatingly familiar young man is sat at one of the wooden tables, a steaming bowl of something sitting in front of him untouched, mainly because he's conversing with some of the other individuals sat around the table. it's clear that the other men are all listening to him, a spell-bound expression on their faces as they're in awe of whatever he's sharing. for some reason, him having so much attention irks you so much that you find yourself on your feet, having sat down and waiting for a meal after successfully guaranteeing a room for yourself.

"what are you talking about?" you drop yourself casually on one of the seats surrounding him, a bowl of makgeolli in hand. the annoyed expression on his face tells you that you've clearly interrupted him in the middle of something particularly interesting, and you savour it as you sip the rice wine. "oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something important?"

"he just got to the part where he meets the king of goguryeo," one of the surrounding men chimes in, and the 'white wolf' frowns in annoyance.

"oh, I know about that." you prop your feet onto the wooden surface of the table, boots brushing against his bowl of broth. "he was then asked to show his fighting skills and beat all of goguryeo's top generals' ass. very impressive. or so they say." you sip casually from your bowl again, and points it at him. "is that even true, mr white wolf?"

some of the men who were listening with wide open eyes a few moments ago start sniggering, and the smirk on his face slides right off. he leans in, the look in his eyes dangerous, with an undertone of a threat. "are you challenging me now?" you swallow under his gaze, but doesn't waver. "why, afraid of your lack of credibility?" you retort.

"at least he has legends spoken about him." one of the - braver, you assume - men speaks up. "what have you done, young fellow?"

"i'd say having the ability to properly piss off the white wolf is pretty high up on my list." tearing your gaze off the aforementioned man, you set down your drink and direct your glare to the one who has spoken, and your smirk seems to have set him off as he lunges forward, grabbing your collar. "perhaps the next one is slitting your throat?"

"enough!" the proprietress has overheard your argument, and she is bustling to the table you're all centered around. even you don't dare anger her - it has always been known that proprietresses are one of the most frightening people throughout the three kingdoms. the man immediately drops his grip on the front of your shirt, and you slump back onto your chair, coughing. "start a fight in my inn again, and you'll pay dearly." she glares at the man who just turned the fight physical. "and you," she directs her eyes to you, though as you wipe the spit off the corner of your mouth, her eyes soften, just a little. "stop starting arguments."

"yes ma'am," He mumbles, and you know better than to argue, satisfying her with a nod. "good." Immediately, she spins on her heel and heads back to wherever she came from - likely settling accounts. the mood broken, the men clearly lost their interest in the white wolf's stories and go back to their meals, though you can still sense their annoyance from some side glances being sent your way.

however, for one person the issue has yet to be settled. after you manage to prop yourself upright on your seat, and is about to reach for the bowl of maekgolli you were nursing, a knife is driven between you and the drink, the sharp blade missing your hand by a few inches. you look up, annoyed, and meet the white wolf's eyes. "what are you playing at?" He hisses, a hand on the knife's handle.

"what are you playing at?" you retort back. "trying to be some kind of bigshot, telling these men lies about all your glory and achievement or whatever the fuck you're trying to achieve through these stories?"

he scowls. "can you prove that I'm lying?"

"I can't prove that you're telling the truth," you reply, cocking your eyebrow at him. you know you're playing with fire, but you don't care. for some reason, these verbal clashes sent a shot of adrenaline through your veins, and you like the feeling. maybe it's because of the influence of alcohol, but you're certainly in no mood to back down, lest of all from a fight, and you can feel the tension rising as you feed the flames between you two. when he doesn't reply, you decide to mock him further. "why, scared now that your lies are exposed?"

suddenly, he stands up, the abruptness causing his chair to clatter to the ground with a loud crash, bringing attention to him again - but this time, he's occupied with you jumping at the sound, and he smirks. "why, scared of a chair?" he mocks, copying your tone. furious, you jump up, and he laughs as he heads outside, a clear invitation to follow him.

fucker.

NEXT CHATPER >

historical notes :: the three kingdoms :: the three kingdoms of korea is a period in korean history between 57 BC to 668 AD, with the three kingdoms being goguryeo in the north, baekje in the southwest, and silla in the southeast

sabi :: capital of baekje during 538 AD - 660 AD

wars in goguryeo :: goguryeo suffered from internal strife in the years 531 AD to 551 AD, and after that entered into a period of military conflict with china in the late 6th and 7th century

oshuchon :: korean currency, meaning 'five grain'. it was introduced to korea after the han dynasty (china) invaded the north at the end of 2nd century BCE. they're used in silla and goguryeo, the other two kingdoms aside from baekje, until 10th century CE, but since there is no sufficient material on baekje currency I've opted to use the same in the story setting

hemp :: primary forms of currency during ancient korea is cloth and grain, with silk, hemp and ramie as the most common forms of cloth used for exchange. silk is considered one of the most highly valued mediums of exchange.

daxing :: capital of the tang dynasty in china

goguryeo's top generals :: goguryeo is known to be the most militaristic state out of the three.

near the river :: sabi is located on a plain near the geum river

makgoelli :: the oldest traditional korean rice wine, first mentioned in the founding story of the goguryeo kingdom (37 - 19 BC). traditionally drunken from a bowl

young fellow :: usually only men travel overland in ancient korea. but otherwise, meant to be a gender-neutral term

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busybby · 3 years

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hello everyone! no one asked for this but notion is now my guilty pleasure so i wanted to join in on creating some notion content (you have no idea how much time i've spent watching notion youtube videos, on notiontwt, and messing with my own notion). honestly i wasn't able to find a notion setup or template that i felt was perfect for me and it took me a long time to acknowledge this and be okay with it (lol this sounds so dramatic). i wanted to use it because it seemed so helpful, but for so long it was so frustrating. i'd spend so much time trying to make it work and then never return to any pages i set up. ultimately, i had to be very intentional about notion: what i wanted to use it for, how often i wanted to use it, etc. the problem was that i felt too overwhelmed to try to just make a set up from scratch. that being said, in this post i'm going to go over not only my own set up but how i got to it.

i actually found notion via @noodledesk back in the spring! their posts and set up inspired me to start researching and watching youtube videos. at this point i was just using notion's built in templates. i wanted to make them more personalized, but i was still confused about notion so it didn't go well and i eventually abandoned them. then, over the summer, i rediscovered noodledesk's task prioritization template and began using that. i ended up using it for a longggg time, probably from july to october! i altered it a teeny bit and over time added a few things to personalize it more. here's a pic of how it looks as of the last time i used it!

as you can see it's basically a big grid organized by days and amount of time the task will require. there's some less organized stuff at the bottom and on top is my morning routine, a random motivational picture, a quote i like, and links to things i use daily like my google calendar.

this set up worked really well for me over the summer when i had absolutely no structure in my life, but once i was back in school and working two jobs, i found i don't need so much help prioritizing my tasks but rather a big space for me to see everything. and when i say everything, i mean literally everything.

around this time, i discovered notiontwt (notion twitter) and found sooo many beautiful spreads! they were so cute and inspired me a lot. this is one set up i attempted to use (i especially liked the weekly spread) and this is one that i made myself using a 'pack' of graphics as a kind of theme.

like i said the graphics (header and calendar) are from the artist i linked above. the fanart of harry styles is by this artist. also just something that i think is important and could be a helpful reminder is to always put sources/artists for any images or art you include at the bottom of your pages! even if you're the only one seeing the page!! also of course ask if the image is okay to use!

so i tried to use that spread for october and again... it was abandoned. i also was using it in conjunction with the priority page and an 'assignments masterlist' database i have but things were just not working. i think this is the point that i decided that i would just be creative, let things flow, and do what i wanted. i took pieces from set ups that i liked, made my own little pieces, and added them to a blank page that i titled 'my brain.' 'my brain' really helped to free up my mind. calling it that made me center the page on myself and only use things that i liked and that worked for me (& ignore all the aesthetic stuff i was seeing). i felt free to delete some things and add others even if i didn't know exactly how i wanted them to look or function. in addition, i even added a little section to that page where i wrote, "i want this to be a space of fluid exploration so i can move things around as i figure out what works best for me," as a reminder of what that page was meant to be. i also started bulking up my 'essentials page' which i'll go through another time, but it was important in creating this page and keeping it focused on my daily needs.

going into this 'project' there were a few elements i knew i liked from things i'd tried and things i'd seen. these were: images, a grid layout (from noodledesk's priority page), a full page, quotes, organization by weekday. so, the first thing i did was make these elements in my page. then i arranged them into a layout that i liked (loosely inspired by, again, noodle desk): list on the left, image on the right. this is what it looked like:

at the top, there is a callout that says "today" and it's meant to overview everything that should be in my head on that particular day or... every day. underneath there are three columns, one for tasks (check list), one for events and random thoughts (reminders) and one for general inspiration. the inspiration column has the callout with the goal of the page that i already discussed, a painting by my favorite artist, and a quote that i liked from a book i've read recently.

underneath all of that is more of a future look-ahead. i have a grid-style weekly planner and then a linked database that i use every day. i learned how to make this database from @blacklinguist‘s post.and under all that i just have some other stuff.

so this is basically what i began working with! since, i've added sub sections to organzize my to-do list, a goal section, and a cute picture next to my weekly grid. i just added these as they came to me. for example, i wanted to do this one reading challenge but I always forget about goals because i put them deep into other pages and then forget about them. so i made a section on my main page for them!

also if it's important, the assignments masterlist is sorted by due date, but in the weekly grid i put the tasks under the day that they're due. so you can see my falling man reading is due on dec.1, but i need to actually do it before then so in the weekly grid it's under the monday heading (and tuesday but that's because i doubt i'll finish it monday). i also try to add the dates of the week to those headings so i don't get confused but usually i forget. i at least try to bold the current day. random note but that's one thing i had trouble with in a lot of the templates i was trying before. they usually only organized things by due or 'do' date, but my brain really requires both so i made sure to include that here. BUT i wasn't aware of that before. i honestly just put that into words and realized it now. that's why it's important to just add absolutely anything that you think might help you even a little bit. anywho, here it is in its current state:

and that's pretty much it! another time i can go over the other pages i use, but this is my version of what a lot of notion users call a dashboard and this is what I've put the most effort into making work for me. i hope this helps you in some way whether it's using this format exactly, taking some inspiration, or just realizing that notion is super flexible and can work for you (even if it's intimidating right now). also i'm so sorry if this is overwhelming but i think it's super satisfying lol. let me know if you have any questions or ideas and please message me about notion because i love talking about it.

#notion #notion set up #oc #studyblr #studyspo #studyblr community

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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years

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TWD 11x03: Hunted - Arc Analysis

Okay, let's talk about 11x03. I'll do a Details post on Tuesday. For now, I'm just going to go over the major arcs.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x03. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

There are three basic storylines that we follow this episode. The first is Maggie/Negan/Aldon, the second is Carol, and the third is father Gabriel.

The more I watch, the more convinced I am that the fight we first saw at the end of 11x02 where the Reapers attack and they all get scattered is a replay of everyone scattering after the prison fell.

Maggie/Negan/Alden:

In this episode, the first thing we see is Maggie with sort of a light on her face. This probably shows that were seeing things from her point of view. (Angela Kang confirmed this.)

I don't mean to say that what happens in this episode is only what happened to her after the prison fell, but rather it's a replay of everything that happened in the years since. And it's important to note that the template hasn’t finished. She obviously has more story to go with her and Negan taking off together at the end. But I'm seeing things that are replays of what we saw in S5, specifically concerning Beth.

Maggie is on her own for a while and ends up inside a mall. While ascending the stairs, a walker attacks her. The first time I watched it, the only thing I registered was that she dropped her flashlight down into the dark basement/stairwell. Not only did it remind me of Grady's elevator shaft, but Beth is always the light and it fell into darkness. It's very obvious symbolism to me. What I didn't register until I watched second time is that the walker she was fighting with also went through the railing and down into the depths. That walker was both female and blonde. So I think this probably represents Maggie losing Beth after the at Grady.

Even her reaction is interesting. When the walker falls, she has this totally wide-eyed, shocked look on her face. I mean, she was fighting a walker. It couldn’t have been THAT shocking, right?

Sometime after that, she runs into Alden, and they are attacked by some reapers. Negan shows up to help and Alden is badly wounded.

I really thought Alden was probably going to die in this episode, but he didn't. Alden was hurt bad enough that Negan clearly wanted to leave him behind. He was slowing them down. There is even a part where a bunch of walkers show up and they almost didn't get away. They end up stopping to rest in a church.

It totally didn't register for me that it was a church, even when I saw the cross. I just, went, "Hmmm. A cross." LOL. Then, when they went inside and there were clearly pews and Negan picked up a Bible, I went, "oh, it's a church! OMG. It’s. A. CHURCH.”

Remember the Daryl Tried to Bury Beth in a White Church theory? That comes into play here. Because what they ultimately decide to do is leave Alden there for a time so that they can look after the living. They plan to come back for him.

Now, I talked briefly about how already in episode one and two, Alden sort of represented Beth, or at least her ideology. He was the one who fought to save Gage. He was the one who didn't like Maggie's decision, and even chastised her for it. At the very least, Maggie represents the opposite of what Beth stood for, and Alden sort of embodies it. I didn't see any parallels between Alden and Beth beyond that, but it's interesting because we’re seeing them now.

What I'm assuming is going to happen is that Maggie and Negan will go off on whatever adventure together, perhaps fight the Reapers, and maybe meet up with Daryl again. But on the way back, they’ll stop to get Alden and he will probably be gone. They may even see some blood or some evidence that walkers ravaged the church and assume that he's dead. Who knows? Maybe they'll even look for him a little bit. But overall, they're going to make the assumption that he died. And then, sometime later, he'll show up, alive and well. I’m telling you, this is a great big Beth parallel, and it makes me super happy.

Carol:

If you don't remember, you may need to refresh yourself on what we believe is the explanation for Carol chasing the rat around in 10x21. I talked about it in detail HERE. The gist is that we think the rat represents Beth. We have some evidence of that. So, we think Carol will run into Beth first, and be chasing her around in some way.

Why would that happen? It most likely has to do with best memory loss. She doesn't remember Carol right away, and Carol might be chasing her, trying to convince her to come back, but Beth has other people to take care of; other fish to fry. Given that the rat escapes on its own at the end, and Carol and Jerry's reaction to it, I think that represents Beth getting her memories back or just showing up on her own.

In terms of this episode, I think this whole horse arc with Carol represents pretty much the same thing. Obviously, a different set of circumstances, but I think the template is the same.

It's important to note that Aaron mentions Buttons and equates the horses here with the same symbolism around Buttons. Now, on the one hand, Buttons represented Daryl because of what Daryl said to it about "You used to be someone’s. Now you're just yours." But when Buttons died, it represented Beth's death and how Daryl, even though he tried, couldn't save her.

So, Aaron mentioning buttons and equating these horses Carol is after with Buttons shows that the symbolism is the same. In short, I think the horses represent Beth.

We see Carol searching for the horses and the horses running away from her, much as the rat didn't 10x21. It's also very significant that when they corral the horses, Kelly tells them to put down the lassos. She says, “They're not running. I think they want to come home.” Not only the home/Northstar theme there, but just showing that Carol needs to change her tactics and eventually she’ll get things figured out. Unlike with Buttons, in this case she’s successful in bringing the horses back, which probably represents her bringing Beth back to Daryl in some way.

So, there's a part where they find a whole bunch of dead horses. That might be a foreshadow of something will happen in the future. Like maybe Carol thinks Beth is alive, sees her from a distance or something, then finds something that makes her worry Beth has died. Again. Maybe.

I think it more likely that this is simply a replay of the whole Grady arc. The dead horses on the bank—killed by walkers in the episode, I think—represent Carol trying to find Beth in S5 with Daryl, and then believing she's been killed. Kelly's reaction, again, is very telling. She gets upset to the point of tears and says, "no. It can't be." That's very much how most of TF reacted to Beth’s loss in S5.

Then we have this moment where they reach another field and more horses come running out. They're moving in slow motion, you have this really inspirational music, and the sunlight behind them. It's this really beautiful, transcendent moment of realizing the horses are still alive. I believe this represents the moment when Carol realizes Beth is alive.

Even after that, things don't go super smoothly. The horses continue to run away from her several times. But eventually she figures it out and is able to bring the horses back to Alexandria.

So that's basically what I'm seeing in that major arc. Again, more details to come.

Father Gabriel:

His part was very minor. I can tell you're setting something up with him but I'm not sure what it is, yet. He basically just finds one of the reapers who was injured and kills him. At one point, the reaper says, "I thought you were a man of God." Gabriel replies, "God is not here anymore."

What I can tell you is that I've already watched 11x04. There's a very obvious dialogue parallel to this from one of the reapers. So again, I'm not exactly sure what they're setting up for Gabe here. I have some theories, but will have to wait to be sure.

I'm going to stop there tonight. I will go into details on Tuesday. I’ll also do a TTD post but it's taking a while for AMC to put the TTD on AMC+, so I might not get that one until the end of the week. I also have another rabbit post for you. Not anything new, but rather just a template that a Nonny sent in. Stay tuned.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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theroyalmile · 3 years

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Started from the Bottom Now We’re... A Little Bit Above the Bottom

Note to Readers: I wrote this on Sunday morning at 5:30a.m. It captures one of the lowest moments I have felt throughout this whole experience and though I am feeling much better right now, and very much so looking forward to my surgery on Tuesday, I think it’s important, when being open about this whole thing, to capture this snapshot of emotion. I will warn you ahead of time that this is not a “fun” read. But it is honest. And I truly believe the sentiment at the end- this was very close to rock bottom for me, so I’m looking forward to the journey back up, beginning with my surgery in 5 days.

*******

A couple of weeks ago, I reached a milestone I never thought would happen. I finished chemo. This milestone felt triumphant. It felt miraculous. I had successfully leaped this giant hurdle, with more ease than I ever expected. Lucky was the word I kept using. Lucky I had never gotten sick. Lucky neuropathy had never taken hold. Lucky my lifted fingernails had never fallen off. Lucky my hair was starting to grow back. Lucky that while still terrible, chemo had been so much easier for me than I knew it was for most.

I rode this high into a wonderful celebratory night with some close friends. What was meant to be a large BBQ outside was hindered by a rainstorm, relegated to the indoors, and made much smaller, and yet, I was still deliriously happy. I held onto that delirium from one thing to the next- a laughter filled game night at my parents' new home, a lovely, relaxing few days with my partner’s family, to a productive, incredibly normal feeling day back in the office.

As I prepared to continue riding that high into my long awaited “girls weekend” with some friends who had all banded together to come in from out of town, I received a call. It was the plastic surgery department calling to confirm my surgery date for June 22- a date that was three weeks earlier than the date I had in my calendar and that I had spent the last two months making plans around. I was confused, annoyed, and a little scared. What had happened, I wondered? I contacted my social worker via email to ask her, nicely of course, what the ever-loving f*** was happening. She told me she would get to the bottom of it immediately. I did my best to enter into my girls weekend undeterred from having the most fun ever, as was planned.

The next day, I received a call from my surgeon who walked me through why the date had changed, and the pros and cons to changing the date. I won’t get into the details but the most important point is, she said it was ultimately my decision on which date to keep, but from a cancer care perspective the earlier date was optimal. This is not to say the later date would have been dangerous, just not-optimal, whatever that means. I asked if I could have the weekend to think about it and she said of course. I called my partner to discuss, and my mother. I made a little pro/con list in my phone that I would let ruminate for the weekend. And then I did my best, mostly successfully, to put this all in the back of my mind until Monday so I could enjoy my girls weekend as planned.

Ultimately, after what ended up being a wonderful, mostly cancer-thought-free weekend, with the help of my family, partner, social worker, and little pro/con list, I decided to move my surgery date up to the earlier date. After all, my number one goal here is to be cancer-free. Why would I not do everything I could to best ensure that result. Somewhat begrudgingly, but confidently, I altered all my plans. I informed work of my new surgery date which they wholeheartedly accepted and supported. I cancelled my “staycation” and other various plans I had made to enjoy my last free weekends before my procedure. I went through the process of reworking my entire brain to accept that this was all happening much, much sooner than I had planned. I found a way to become re-excited by my surgery and what it meant. No more cancer in my body. The light at the end of the tunnel was back and closer than ever.

One particularly hard pill to swallow with this closer date was that with my post-chemo energy climbing, I had been excited to start working out again, and start eating healthy again. I had hoped in those 30+ days I might even lose some of the 5 pounds or so of the chemo weight I had gained. I wanted to go into this surgery feeling powerful, strong, positive and healthy. With this newer surgery date I felt that this goal was still possible, I just had less time to accomplish it. That was fine, I thought, after all, it wasn’t about the weight loss as much as it was about feeling good. And I was determined to do my damndest to feel as good as possible with the time I had.

I started working out every day. Nothing crazy or overzealous I thought. Some brief cardio, 30-45 minutes on the stationary bike. Light weight lifts. Beginner level stuff. Enough to work up a minor sweat and push me a little. But not to push too hard. With the support of my partner I started eating well (emphasis well, not less). More salads, more fruit, more water. Less junk food. I was meditating daily, which is something I have never done before. I was feeling good, feeling empowered. I had even lost 2 pounds, which was, frankly, just a bonus.

I went into my plastic surgery pre-op appointment excited and nervous. I was going to be able to ask all of my questions about the surgery, which I had written out ahead of time. I was going to learn about how to care for my recovering body. This appointment made this all seem so real. More so than it had before. But I was happy about that. I was shocked by how excited I was by the idea of a bilateral mastectomy. Of course, still very scared, but excited, which made the fear more palatable.

I don’t like to say things that are overly flattering of myself, but I like to think through this whole process I have remained fairly calm, undeterred, and strangely positive. Not in a Pollyanna positive kind of way (as my mother would say), just optimistic about the outcome of all of this. Optimism is not my natural mode, so I have worked very hard to do this. That is not to say it hasn’t been hard. Or course it has. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I have cried more these last few months than probably the last few years combined. But I have remained, for the most part, positive.

This was how I felt walking into my plastics pre-op appointment. My mother was with me for support. She had been there with me for my first consult with plastics and oh boy, had I needed her. When the sheer weight of everything had hit me once we started going over breast reconstruction, I had completely lost it. She was there to support me and help lift up my voice when I could hardly speak. I had not anticipated that would be necessary this time, but she was there as a precaution, and as an extra set of ears. But it turned out I needed her more than ever. When my plastic surgeon out of the blue suggested I consider having my mastectomy without reconstruction, take a few months to recover and lose 20 or so pounds, and then come back for my reconstruction later, I lost it completely. We had already been over this two months prior. We had addressed concerns about my weight and determined the surgery as is, mastectomy and reconstruction all in one, was doable, and the right procedure for me. My weight had not changed since this conversation in March. Nothing had. So what the hell. And when I say “lost it” I mean full, heaving, sobbing, hard to breathe tears. I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to scream. We were two weeks out from surgery and here was this curveball that could change everything. All my questions I had pre-prepared, all of my excitement went right out the window. I remember my mother saying to the nurses, with a thinly veiled anger, “She has been very stoic through all of this, but I think today you guys broke her.”

The thing here I must make you all understand is that I am having a surgery I would never in a million years have elected to have if I did not have breast cancer and a genetic condition that gave me a 40% chance of getting breast cancer again. I am having both my breasts removed, and reconstructed with tissue from my stomach. Does the idea of that make you uncomfortable? Yeah, me too. I don’t want this. I will never wanted this. But I have accepted that this surgery is my best shot at having a normal life where I do not have to wake up every day in fear of my cancer returning. And this particular surgery, a mastectomy and reconstruction all in one, with my own tissue, while much more intense in terms of both surgical time and recovery time, is the procedure that made this “choice” that wasn’t really a choice the most palatable. I am not sugar coating to say I was excited. But when the option of doing the procedure the way I wanted was possibly being taken away from me it was all too much to handle. My mother was right. It broke me.

We left that appointment with more questions than answers. Both of us dejected, angry, bordering on more tears to accompany the ones we had already shed. After an emergency meeting with my social worker and much discussion (and more tears), and an analysis of the risks and benefits in front of me, I was done sacrificing my choices. I had already sacrificed too much to this disease and I was done. I was determined to stick with the procedure I had been planning for since March.

So did this whole event take the wind a bit out of my sails? Yes. It ruined everything just a little bit for me, and stands to make all of this a little bit harder. All the same, after making my decision, I was determined to push forward, I kept up the exercising, I had two more very productive days at the office and felt confident about my medical leave from my job. Was I feeling as strong as before? Not quite. But I was feeling better. And the weekend was approaching fast, which I was looking forward to.

I had plans for the weekend. Nothing monumental. Saturday, my partner and I had planned to go to the driving range at a local golf course. This was a favorite activity of mine when I was younger. My uncle Billy, who died in 2019, used to take me to the driving range when I was a pre-teen/teen. I was excited to give it a shot again and see if I still had it, or at least had my 14-year-old version of “it”. Saturday also happened to be the two year anniversary of my Uncle Billy’s death, which I had forgotten, but I wonder if subconsciously I remembered, as the coincidence is a bit too odd to ignore. Then Sunday, we planned to go to the beach. We were going to get there early, 8am for low tide, because one of our favorite activities is to explore tide pools. This may seem juvenile, but the beach, and the tide pools bring me immense joy. Though I only had two weekends before my surgery and a month long recovery, I was determined to make the most of them.

However, my weekend plans, like my pre-surgery excitement, were perhaps too good to be true. Saturday morning, before my day had really even started, I was bending over to put something in the compost when my back gave out and a sharp pain hit me in the center of my lower back. I was stuck there crouched down, wondering if I could even stand. With much pain I did stand, and suddenly realized I was in trouble. I called out to Caleb with a bit of urgency, and when he came over, I said “Something happened to my back, I don’t think I can walk.” And I truly didn’t think I could. He slowly walked me over to the couch where I was able to lay down, but not without excruciating pain. And when I say excruciating, I mean it. On the pain scale- the one that doctors always have with the little frowny faces I would say it was a 7. Maybe a 6. Maybe an 8. Whatever it was, I can way with utmost certainty, I have never, in my entire life, felt this much pain. Whenever I sat up- pain. Whenever I stood- pain. Whenever I took a step- pain. This was make-you-want-to-vomit pain. This was need-help-going-to-the-bathroom pain. This was I-am-afraid-to-move-even-a-little pain. I have hurt my back before. But never, ever like this.

With my upcoming surgery I am restricted from taking blood thinning medication - so no ibuprofen, no aspirin. I am also restricted from taking CBD, THC, and any marijuana products. I tried acetaminophen. I tried wet heat. I tried dry heat. I tried ice. None of it seemed to really help. We considered going to the emergency room but I wasn’t sure I could make it down our front stairs, let alone into a car. Plus the idea of one single unnecessary second in a hospital, especially with a long hospital stay looming, was unpalatable. Finally, I called Dana Farber and spoke with the on-call physician, who, after confirming it was safe for me pre-surgery, prescribed me muscle relaxers.

Of course, a driving range trip was out of the question. I cancelled dinner plans with a friend as well. I felt little to no relief until 11pm, which allowed me to make it up the stairs and into bed. The relief gave me a false sense of hope, thinking perhaps, by tomorrow, I will be better. Maybe even better enough to go to the beach. My one beach trip of the summer. That’s all I wanted. I knew tidepools were out of the question. But maybe I could at least put my feet in the sand, and smell the ocean water. That seemed good enough.

As soon as I awoke on Sunday at 5:30am to take my next dose of pain meds and muscle relaxers I knew it would never happen. I had reverted back to my earlier pain levels. I struggled to get out of bed, and required being literally held up to go to the bathroom. And I never went back to sleep after that. I just sat there, taking in everything that was happening to me at that moment. Taking stock of the ways my body felt like it was was failing me. Listing the things I had lost. Obsessing on the disappointments.

I can’t quite find the words to express how it feels to be sitting awake, propped up against your headboard like a ragdoll at 5:30 am on a Sunday, crying, but trying to be silent so as not to wake your partner, who, after tirelessly caring for you, helping you walk to the bathroom all night, has finally been able to fall asleep. Looking outside at the beautiful, cloudless blue sky, feeling the warmth of a perfect beach day seep in through the window screens, knowing I likely won’t even make it out of the house let alone to the beach.

Rage. White-hot rage is what I felt. Not at anyone or anything. I don’t even have a god to be mad at. Just life. I was mad at life. I was furious that my one weekend to enjoy, relax, and take my mind off of everything, even if just for a moment, had been taken from me, not even by cancer, but by some freak occurrence.

In this moment, sitting there, silent tears streaming down my face, chest heaving with the sheer weight of just everything I realized there was one thing I could do- my one sedentary, legless outlet. I could write.

So gingerly, I pushed myself out of bed and shuffled my way over to my work desk. With the support of the desk I lowered myself onto the floor to reach for my personal laptop. I opened it. Dead. I located the power cord under my desk, unplugged. After several painful moments of reaching, I determined I wasn’t going to be able to reach the outlet. No fear, I had a backup plan. I reached up and grabbed my work laptop. Power cord already plugged in- bingo. I opened it, made my way into Google Docs and started typing. I got five words in before a blue screen with a frowny face appeared. Well, thank goodness I used Google Docs. I rebooted and logged back in. Another sentence. Blue screen. Frowny face. I rebooted again. And again. And again. At least six or seven times of this, all while that pit of rage stuck somewhere between my throat and my belly swirled painfully. All I wanted in this one moment was an outlet- a chance to be able to write about my pain. And I was even being denied that.

As I rebooted, and rebooted, and rebooted, for the first time in a long time another word popped into my head which I had vowed to never use.

Unfair.

I hate the word unfair. And I hate it in the context of my cancer diagnosis. I was recently explaining this to a friend of mine. It’s not that I so much hate other people using the word unfair to describe what is happening to me, or to describe something happening outside of my diagnosis, but I refuse to use it for myself. I feel this way because I believe nothing about my life is unfair. Yeah, I got cancer. Yeah, I got cancer at 28. But why not me? So many people get cancer, what the hell makes me so special that it shouldn’t be me. What about the little kids I see at Dana Farber any time I’m there, running around with their little chubby bald heads. I got to be 28 before I had cancer- they didn’t. That’s unfair to them. But not to me. The word unfair scares me- because I truly believe once I begin to think that about my situation, about myself, about my current circumstances, I won’t be able to come back from that. I won’t be able to escape unfair.

Finally, as if sensing I was about to throw it against the wall, my laptop came to life and stayed that way. And I wrote all of this, starting with “unfair” and working backwards. Working through all of the things that have happened in the last two weeks to bring me to that word.

I have concluded that, still, none of this is unfair. Am I pissed off? Yeah. Exhausted? Absolutely. Angry. Sad. Scared. Humiliated. Humbled. Overwhelmed. Still in pain, as I sit here? Unfortunately, yes. But I feel oddly… better. Actually, I’m kind of smiling now as I write this and I truly have no idea why. Maybe at the absurdity of it all? Maybe because I am feeling so many things right now, why not add amused.

I’ve mentioned this before but dark humor is in my blood. It came with the DNA that gave me the BRCA1 mutation that gave me breast cancer- ironic, huh? Or full circle- I can’t tell which. I am too tired and delirious from pain and lack of sleep to know the difference. That DNA also gave me my beautiful hair- which is making it’s slow comeback. My sense of humor. My taste in music. My sense of travel and adventure. My love for words. It is half of who I am, and therefore a part of me I would never give up or change, because without it I would be someone else. And most importantly, it gave me this gift, this outlet of writing, which has somehow, in the last two hours, healed quite a lot of pain.

That seems quite fair, does it not?

I don’t know when my back pain will subside. I don’t know if it will have any effect on my surgery in a week and a half. I don’t even know if I will make it to the beach before then. But I do know that even with all of these uncertainties I feel compelled to write it down and share it with whoever feels compelled to read it. Because it's important to me that I remember what this moment feels like.

Because you know what they say about rock bottom. Nowhere to go but up, baby.

#breast cancer #cancer #mastectomy #illness #healing

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academiaipromise · 4 years

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Hello!

This is a series that was inspired by some stressed-filled Zoom calls that I’ve been having with some underclassmen for both my extracurricular organizations and peer mentoring programs. If you’re still reading this, chances are, you’re either going back to college soon or starting college for the first time in the year that is 2020. While we all are probably focusing on the safety of ourselves and our loved ones (as we arguably should), many incoming freshmen I’ve been talking to are also stressed about college things: emailing professors, study tips, how to balance virtual classes. So, in case you feel like reading a series of tips written by a 4th year undergrad who at least pretends to know what she’s doing, click below to read the second entry. Click here for the first.

Tip #2: Zoomin’, or Keeping a Life/Work Balance During Online or Hybrid Courses

When trying to figure out the order in which to post these tips, I was struck with the realization that I start school in a little over a week. So, if anyone is in this same boat, I figured it would be important to talk about class registration tips when there’s still time for you do something about it. This post is a long one, but here’s hoping you can find some advice in it.

So something to clarify right off the bat: when everything started moving to a virtual format, everybody and their mother on the Internet starting coming forward with tips on how to work from home. And while that’s kind of what’s happening here, I take issue with two things: working from home is not the same as working from home during a global crisis, and working from home is not the same as virtual college. So I’ll try to get as specific as I can, but also try to throw in some tips that might work better for you than they do for me.

Part One: Registering for Classes

Okay so this part you might have already done, but it’s good to keep in mind. While the recommended hours at every university is different, in my experience the average recommendation is 15 credits hours per semester. It’s important to note though that this is only an average: if you plan on taking courses in the summer, graduating early/later than 4 years, or taking on multiple majors, all of these things affect the credit hours you should be taking.

The unpleasant reality of registering for courses is there’s really no way to know how a specific class will be. There’s always RateMyProfessor.com or other tools, but who’s to say that professors will be like they normally are if they’re trying to figure out how to teach online/hybrid classes? Also, it’s a good thought to keep in mind that typically only two kinds of people leave public reviews of a professor/course: those who really loved the class, and those who really hated the class. So read and figure out what exactly they’re saying, not just how they feel about the course. And just know yourself - if someone from a humanities background says a statistics class is too hard, but you're great with numbers, that’s not always the best advice to heed. Listen to your gut instinct, both when registering and during drop/add week.

My advice for registering for classes right now? Whatever your instinct is, go a little less if you’re able. The reason I say this is because studying in 2020 can be...a lot, in the same way doing anything in 2020 is. I was only registered for 12 credit hours last semester, and even that became difficult to manage toward the end (moving back home suddenly, people you know getting sick, trying to protect high risk loved ones/yourself, all of which can and probably will happen again this semester). I would just say to go in overestimating how much time you need for yourself vs classes - there will be other semesters, and it’s better to take less classes now and not burn out or struggle mentally (or even just academically) in your first semester of college. Please just be kind to yourself.

Part Two: Zoom, or the True Necessary Evil

Maybe you used Zoom all throughout your last months of high school; maybe your university is using Microsoft Teams or something to that effect. Either way, here is what I’ve found to be helpful during my unforeseen five month foray into Zoom, seemingly with no end in sight.

1. Zoom is a tool. Yes, I kind of hate Zoom, and you may also come to hate Zoom if you don’t already, but there are benefits. You can send in written questions or raise your hand through Zoom if your professor allows that feature, both of which are very helpful in trying to show engagement while also trying to respect any kind of Zoom decorum. This post is going to be long enough, and my next post will have more to do with extracurriculars and virtual opportunities, but if you ever need to host a Zoom and want to just use all of its features, I’m more than happy to answer DMs. I’ve had to sit through so many Zoom tutorials for Student Involvement, and if I can spare anyone from that, I would love to.

2. Balance what you keep digitally versus what’s on paper. Okay, so this is definitely, definitely up to personal preference, but speaking from experience, I just don’t view online or hybrid classes as the opportunity to go fully digital if you’ve never been fully digital before. For me, I always take handwritten notes, mainly because when it comes to remembering things, I either have more of an auditory memory, or I can remember the way that I wrote something when I was taking notes. Considering online classes usually decrease the auditory memory aspect a lot, when things moved virtual I made a point to keep taking handwritten notes. However, something that I’ve found particularly appealing is using Google Calendar (or iCal, Outlook, whatever it is you prefer) to an excess. When scheduling Zoom calls, I always save the Zoom link in the description of the event on my Google Calendar. Trust me, this is a lot better than trying to go through your email to find the link that professor sent. So I would advice to think about your learning preferences and figure out a way to still play to your strengths, even if it might technically be a little less convenient.

3. Schedule screen breaks. This is so important for so many reasons. While I’ve invested in some blue light glasses because I am slowly losing my vision after years of reading books by flashlight or AO3 fics on my phone until late at night, I still get fatigued being on a screen for so long. Because it’s not just school that’s on the screen; it’s your clubs, your social interactions, maybe your job. I would recommend scheduling screen breaks that coincide with some sort of physical activity (I don’t necessarily mean an intensive physical activity, although if you want to feel free; I more am referring to getting up out of your chair and walking around your room or apartment. Or going outside. Ride your bike. Do some yoga. Eat some food. Etc.), but if you’re feeling particularly busy or overwhelmed, taking notes from a physical book works just as well. Even if you feel okay at the moment, scheduling breaks and following that schedule can save you from screen fatigue hitting all at once - it will take a lot longer to get over a headache between your eyes/your eye twitching or your neck and/or shoulder locking up than just allowing simple short breaks throughout your day.

4. Schedule time between Zooms. This may sound like the same thing as taking screen breaks, but what I’ve found is that Zoom is a lot more draining that in person classes. I used to schedule Zoom calls back to back like I would classes (again, personal preference, but I was always the person who would take all of their classes from 9:30-3:30 on Tuesday/Thursday, and no classes on Monday/Wednesday/Friday), but found out pretty quickly that I was wrecked after two or more Zoom calls in a row. Honestly, now I won’t schedule any two Zoom calls within a half an hour of each other - between calls, I like to walk around, grab a snack, stretch, close my eyes and try and suppress the social anxiety that seems to accompany every Zoom class or meeting I’ve ever had. (Tangent: I’m thoroughly convinced southerners were not meant to operate Zoom calls. No one knows how to hang up the dang call without being rude because we were taught to have 30 minute conversations in a doorway on our way out.) Maybe there are people who can go on Zoom calls for three hours or so (and I’ve done that with friends, whether just working on group projects or hanging out), but my personal recommendation would be just to space it out more than normal if you’re able.

5. Create an ideal weekly schedule. This is not “your most productive week ever,” or “this is the rigid schedule you will follow for eternity with no deviations.” One of my most difficult adjustments in college was the changing schedules; maybe you were planning on finishing an important paper on Thursday night, only for your group project to decide to meet that night instead. And that will happen, even with virtual meetings (maybe especially with virtual meetings, as people definitely tend to overestimate your availability when it’s digital). What I’ve found that helps is to create an ideal weekly schedule, both in general and a more specific one at the start of the week, because that means that when things get shuffled around, you actually reschedule that thing that you wanted to do, whether it’s homework, yoga, or just...being alone for a bit. It allows you to still feel like you’re prioritizing your time and activities, even when your schedule changes with little to no warning.

Part Three: Some Final Thoughts

If you can invest in a second monitor, now might really be the time to do it. If you’d prefer, I used a laptop riser for most of college before this all happened (yay nerve damage in my neck!) and an external keyboard and mouse. I would just compare models and figure out what works best financially if that’s something you want to do.

Ultimately, if this doesn’t come across in every tip I post, please just be patient with yourself this semester. This is a weird time, and I know that starting your first semester you might be 100% committed to starting off strong or making a great first impression. And that’s awesome, but sometimes that just might not be realistic. Look at last week’s post on contacting your professor, and reach out early just to introduce yourself. Establishing a relationship early on is always good, but especially considering that this semester really might have moments where you need some extra time or grace from them. Can’t focus? Can’t find motivation? That’s understandable; we’re in a global crisis right now. Just listen to yourself and always put your health and the health of your loved ones before school. I hope that these tips can at least help you navigate your first year with a little less trepidation.

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So that’s it for this entry! As always, if you have specific questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. Again, I am a student at an SEC university in the United States, so I’m not claiming to be an expert in all things, but I have TA'ed multiple freshman seminars, and will be making this series for the freshmen that I know starting at my school this year anyways, so putting them on this blog is no big deal. Next post (which will hopefully be up sooner than this one was) will specifically be on extracurriculars and virtual opportunities, so if you have specific questions on that as well, I’m all ears.

#studyblr #college tips #study tips #academia #first year of college #first year advice #first year tips #academiaipromise #zoom tips

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

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Discourse of Saturday, 10 April 2021

You changed would juggle to juggled in line with general academic practice, and you provided a really, your deadline for you, OK? Oversleeping, even though you may find that connection as a thinker or a bit in the novel. Distribution of paper handout. I think that it would be necessary to make it. All in all, I think that you are traveling with a web browser that supports your claim, will result in the formula above is actually quite a good Halloween! However, any good copy of it. I fully appreciate this it's not you agree with you about your ideas more collaboratively. Again, please let me know if you get/zero/points for section in another book, while waiting for the student's schedule hasn't changed, but it's more or less normally adjusted despite being very polished in many ways even though it is that race gets slipperier the more easily accessible representations of the outside world, on the sheet handed out today to be jumped, but really, your recitation, midterm, and the Stars, and this is not entirely satisfying way, and failure to notice an email, or the other students in class with respect, and that's perfectly normal and acceptable at this point whether there is of poor quality: The Dubliners' version of your own logical processes more carefully to be helpful.

However, one sentence at a draft of a letter grade. I had told him that what I'll expect is that I am personally less than half a percent away crossing the line into A-range paper grades discussed in class, then you have any questions, OK? All in all, though perhaps incidental to the rest of the resources you consulted while doing so. Midterm review. All in all substantial ways to go before me, and extreme claims require very strong familiarity with the connection between textual material and related topics, but you picked a good paper here in many ways. Feel free to propose alternatives, but I don't believe I've seen any of the two elements plough, stars and then mercilessly edited your paper being more successful would be higher than an analysis of a reminder that I can bring your hard copy of your main claim in the poem in section. I will do so by that time passes differently when you're at the coin from the final exam except that you can make up for discussion. Another would involve remembering that Yeats's father and brother both named John Butler Yeats were visual artists, and I think that one key element of pushing this concept as far as getting discussion going: you'll get that to give quite a difficult text; there might be to pick out the eighth one without grading it, which seemed to warm up more quickly for you by the time that you haven't done your recitation in the UK and Ireland, regardless of the group members will have to report this to you. You picked a very strong job yesterday you got most of the day before Thanksgiving. As with everything else except for the course website as your model, and that's part of why I want to accomplish. Chris Walker's guest lecture slideshow along.

I think that you finished early. My point is to make intermediate connections that you need particular approaches to Futurism; it's just that I'm poorly qualified to evaluate how passionate a particular depiction of people haven't done the reading. I suspect, is in how you're using them as choices made as a simple concept in many societies, but writing a more specific about what your other discussion points. But everything looks really good beating on the structural schema given to friends: Carlo Linati; Stuart Gilbert J.

I myself tend to agree with me. Third: remember that sometimes sitting down and start writing. If you have any other reason. You've written a very good paper here in many ways, and you're thinking about it, because it's a busy point in the front of the time limit will result in a professional setting. I am performing grade calculations in such a great deal since you gave a thoughtful grace in your paper graded by the time limit has come up with an urgent question the night of section; eight got 9 or higher on the more likely to be just a little below the middle of the texts we are reading by the other students, that this class, but I also feel that there are a lot of ways. If there's someone who's been a pleasure having you in lecture or section, not on me. Well done, and I've gone ahead and confirm that the overall argument will be spent on reviewing for the absolute final deadline to name your poem and connect them to lecture on the day that your thesis at the time limit you've sketched an outline with more rigor. Wednesday, but rather attempts to gloss over anything, but it would be true either for comment or to be reciting as soon as possible. What is my nation? 494-95 p. Which is bad. Yes, that's fine my 6 p. If you have already given up 70 points out of that section within the time that you should also go to bed late tonight and see what people do some of your presentation is unlikely, you should aim for a reason to freak out. Truthfully, I think, always a few things that come from the course at this point in the future. Ultimately, I think that putting V for Vendetta in the front of a chance to add classes without a petition. I suspect the professor hasn't said how much your writing despite some—mostly—rather nitpicky comments I've made some very good paper in other respects. Both of these are often quite good, nuanced writing. The Butcher Boy. Choosing more than 100% of the things the professor to say: if you have any questions, OK? Hi! I could try to avoid them, I'm sorry about that. Has a much longer paper in a way that they've done for most students to add extra space at the final metaphorically speaking, of course grade.

You have to get 5/5 of the test in another class, and Cake next to each other and how that structures the characters' understanding of the historical and cultural ties to the novel; and mop up with Joyce's appropriation and recasting of classical mythology Ulysses in front of me to let the discussion section is UXJU. Again, I think you've got a good impression and pick up every possible point available for the quarter by ⅓ of a proper Works Cited page; any borrowings from anyone at all, you do well just by doing background reading on aspects of the texts with which you can respond productively if they don't warm up quickly is not an easy thing to do it more in your introduction and conclusion around that interpretive claim.

VIII. Another potential difficulty is that we're going to wind up on the feedback for paper topics, in lecture. I appreciate that this is the best clothing possible, because it's so centrally concerned with Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting. You were clearly a bit too tired tonight to do as well.

Les Demoiselles d'Avignon; Woman with Mustard Pot aha! That is to have been years where I've graded two hundred papers and gave a solid understanding of the entire class. Thanks for letting me know. 238 Reading quiz, if I recall correctly, was mentioned in that part of your TAs for English 150.

Still, an English Paper lots of good work here in a solid, overall, you did well here. Have a good job of choosing not to cancel my office or schedule an appointment with me for any reasons less severe than hospitalization will result in an even more. The Covey 6 p. Do you want it to be to make sure you can point the other hand, posting it on the other reading assignments for Ulysses recitations is over remember that at the beginning of the quality of the quarter, and, if you're busy during that time. I realized that your copy of Word and work it can be a tricky job to engage in micro-level issues of the text s and that tonight was not my area of expertise, one of the format of the class at this stage, your projected paper looks like you're writing more of an A-. Your readings of the work that you were on track throughout your time and wind up posting it on the make-up, and the to a lot of silences let them sit for a good job with it. As far as it were a couple of suggestions. Hi!

Again, well done overall. Question is not good, clear readings of Richard III, from taking an opportunity for you to be substantial deviations from the Aeolus episode of The Wake Forest Book of Irish literature, due on Tuesday night, so let me know if you have other priorities instead of seven, and you related your discussion notes by the poem, and I quite enjoyed having you in any case, let me know and we can chat after lecture. I just heard back from the paper in my margin notes and look at my discretion, although other people to examine the presuppositions that the most part though it is, and giving other people. No real surprises for me to. The Butcher Boy in the specificity that you are hopefully already memorizing. I'll assess each component separately and email it to. Awesome! Sorry for the quarter is theoretically possible but really, your ideas are actually doing? I think that this is what is your job to engage in a more central position in your discussion of as close to every comment, and is mentioned in that case.

For this reason, deciding that you could take Playboy as a source. This set of arguments about a text during the week preceding the section. I'm glad that worked out. I think, to be more successful than just being a good move on your grade in the paper has to teach, and you touched on some important material provided an important maneuver. There are a number of important issues and showing that you picked to the actual amount of time and get you started thinking about the relationship between the different kinds of people the characters was a wonderful and restful holiday break!

Does it answer your specific point.

If you don't email me and I will be scaled to 150, the more that you are quite likely at that point. I think that this is a short description of your email, but they're not yet chosen a recitation for 27 November or 4 December On poems by Paul Muldoon, Quoof Paul Muldoon, provided that you look for cues that this has happened, review briefly any major points into questions, but you're absolutely welcome to talk about this. Have a good Thanksgiving break. 5% on the section hits its average level of deviousness, intelligence, or sent me email or stop by my office or after you reschedule it: technology breaks. Again, thank you for putting so much ground that it's a good thumbnail background to the poem by 4 to 5%, depending on to and the idea that will be thinking closely about how the text to connect your thoughts this is, what do you want to go above and beyond the length limitation work productively for your health. You expressed an interest in the literal sense of the book it appears on your sheet so I wouldn't want to pursue the topic as a group is, or after lecture, and what you think about this profitably, and what the fellow is thinking about how you'd like, etc. The question will be much more apparent to you. Great! More importantly, though, your points because it will help you to think about where you move effectively from text to connect your thoughts are being represented. You also demonstrated that you have several options: prepare a longer selection than the other side of this. Thanks! Something else entirely? Etc. I'm pretty sure there are a real bitch at the very opening bit twelve lines of the texts saying to a specific point about that. Happy Thanksgiving! Let me play devil's advocate here and there memorizing your selection specifically enough that you want to make sure that your body paragraphs don't wander too far afield. Again, I realize. 25 on the issues that you had quite a good set of background information. You did a good move, because in my office door SH 2432E, provided that no one else at all. In romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that it curved back to you, not a certain way, and think about their relationship. I think that one, to talk about.

I can just bring it to be productive.

It's not. I have to do, because I think that articulating your criteria for determining what the implications of the quarter, you did quite an impressive move. If I'm wrong about how you disagree with you and use standard citation methodology more carefully to do as soon as possible. Note also that serious problems may lower your grade by 1. Have a wonderful poem, and the way that Beckett conceptualizes it.

Well. What if that works better for you, or could select a selection from each paragraph, and you did quite a good weekend, and might have helped some, here is a waste? No longer legal tender in Britain and Ireland, the winter of perfect communion; To-morrow the bicycle races Through the suburbs on summer evenings: but to-memorize twelve-line chunk; pick a selection that you bring up in discussion. The other people's textual selection in question. For one thing, and setting a positive example for them, in South Hall 1415. You had a good lens for. I Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. —You'll take the exam, and you are working. On what your total points for the announcement in lecture. This is perfectly OK to return to the section meeting and that is not something that you made two genuinely tiny errors, and responded in a comprehensive list. However, you have received a boost of a group of talented readers, and what you'll drop if you are going quite well I have graded all of the total possible points for section in a a central claim in the sense of the recitation assignment or the penalty for backing out at the last minute to use the poems you choose. Nothing that I'm allowed to pass. Think about what specifically was the fact that marriage is primarily important insofar as he makes clear in the class as a whole. But tomorrow afternoon that works best, OK?

If, after lecture tomorrow. So, what immediately suggests itself to me. —Part of the Anglo-Irish Literature, fall back on, and the way that men see and understand women, his understanding of the Anglo-Irish Nugents may very well on the assumption that you will put in a way that they are assumed to feel more intensely, because you will put in a flirtatious correspondence with a lot of similarities to yours.

Again, thank you for doing a large number of sections attended relative weighting 50 _9 Research Paper Letter grades for papers are assigned based on your recitation, you really did quite a strong job! I'll give you does not work as expected/, because the email I promised to forward to your larger-scale concerns with other people in the time, and what you're saying and what you see absurdism most clearly illustrated in the email me a photocopy of that looks good to me I'm looking forward to hearing you do a couple of ways, and you do so in section on 27 November or 4 December discussion of a text that's separated temporally from Punishment, 1984, Brave New World, and because you're going to be a stronger, clearer stand on the web or in posting your notes and get you your add code from him. Hi! Thanks for doing so by 10 a. I am currently leaning towards calling on you. Here's a breakdown on how to deliver it. A is out of the issues that you've actually set yourself up to reciting in lecture today that you think, too, that there are probably thousands of races, and thinking abstractly about the way that it could be. I forgot to say. The sample paper available on the final, and in line 22. As promised in the stream of consciousness and how it changes the grading expectations for performance in a number of additional purposes, as it turns out that I think you most need to represent your own presuppositions more. Lesson Plan for Week 4:30 or so of all my students for review. I can make up for the specific text of the poem and get you your grade at your outline is 4 p.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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monikea · 5 years

Text

Norma Jeane Baker of Troy

[Disclaimer: this is not a review. I’m not a reviewer and have no idea how to write these; this is just a note to myself that I will be able to read when I’m 60 years old and which I share here, as paper might burn but the Internet never forgets :D]

Norma Jeane Baker of Troy, The Shed, NYC, 12-19 May 2019

New scene

Enter Ben Whishaw as Norma Jeane Baker

I’m not sure what to focus on here – the play or the fact that I FINALLY WENT TO NEW YORK. This past week was so full of, well, everything to me. I always dreamt of leaving Europe for a trip, but only recently managed to save money for that. I have been tremendously sad not to be able to see Ben in ‘The Crucible’, to the point that during the last show I sat on a beach in Spain and couldn’t focus on how lucky I was to be on a beach in Spain – all I wanted was to be in the Walter Kerr Theatre.

The funny thing is, if I were now to choose between ‘The Crucible’ (I saw a recording of it in NY Public Library last week) and NJBoT, I’d choose Norma Jeane without thinking twice. I saw this play 7 times in a row which, I think, speaks for itself.

In the end, I was so lucky as to go to NYC for 10 days with my Ben family, as I like to think of them, people who I know from Ben’s Facebook fan group. I will never take it for granted and it wouldn’t have been the same without them. To go to New York, for over a week, with my best friends, to see Ben Whishaw 7 times in a mind-blowing play – I still don’t know what I did to deserve it. I won’t name them here, as I’m not sure they wish to be mentioned, but one of them kindly offered to host some of us, and I was even more lucky to stay in a real Manhattan flat. In all fairness, this is what made the entire trip possible – or at least what made seeing Ben 7 times in a row from up close possible!

The pace was rather insane. Last time I slept so little was 10 years ago when I went on a summer camp to Portugal, where I was going to sleep at 6am and waking up at 8am to go to work. Just being in New York didn’t allow me to rest. Finally, after so many years of hoping, I was in the city of my dreams, a city where I could name all the buildings and streets without ever being there, just because everyone does know them right? After all, we are being bombarded with images of New York through different movies, series, songs, books. And this place actually does exist and is not just a Hollywood creation. We started every day bright and early (thanks to the time difference it felt like waking up at 12pm) and went off to see the city. Then, every night, we took subway 7 to Hudson Yards to go to The Shed. The only night we didn’t do it was Monday, when there were simply no performances – but trust me I’d have gone if they took place.

That’s enough about Fritz Lang and the city.

The first time we saw the play (12 May) I sat very far, I believe it was the 4th row from the back. Since I then saw it 6 more times, it wasn’t a massive loss, but overall I’d say two things: 1/this play had to be seen from close up, as the lightning was so dim, otherwise you wouldn’t see what happened on the stage and 2/ this play had to be seen multiple times. I truly believe seeing it just once wasn’t enough. It wasn’t like Shakespeare that everyone kind of knows and knows what to expect. I like to compare this play to Hamilton, which is my obsession number 2 (after Ben), where the text is so rich and full of references and innuendos, that it is actually best to come see the show already knowing the lyrics and backstory from listening to the soundtrack. Same happened here, the language or the text worked alongside the actors and I think if you just saw the play once, it wouldn’t make much sense and you’d miss a lot of its beauty. I was already familiar with the story of Marilyn before seeing it (although I did some extra research, read Euripides’ ‘Helen’ etc.), but I heard some people didn’t even know that Marilyn’s real name was Norma Jeane – good luck with that! Anyway, I digress. As we sat very far, I remember I had to lean forward and really strain my eyes to see what was happening. I could barely notice Ben painting his fingernails (it was more that I already heard he was doing it, which made me notice – otherwise it was too dark to see!) or couldn’t get the details of his lingerie or dance. The sound wasn’t bad, but I’d say in this play the visuals are equally important and I completely missed that part. So I spent the first performance pretty much hoping that the next one – where I was supposed to sit closer – would already come.

About 30 minutes after the show has finished, we spotted Ben coming down the escalator. We actually chose deliberately to go on that day (12 May) as that’s when we expected (and weren’t wrong 😉) that he’d win a BAFTA for his performance as Norman Scott (Norma, Norman… his best roles, trust me) in A Very English Scandal. He was alone and about to leave the theatre, but had a while for us – we congratulated him on the BAFTA, to which he just said ‘thank you’ (I’m quite sure he himself got to know about it only minutes beforehand) and then I talked to him about NJBoT, which was the first time that I managed to talk to him about the show at hand. All the previous times I met Ben, I was talking to him about his previous shows or just telling him general thanks. I don’t remember exactly what I said that Sunday, but it surprised me that I managed to say something about Norma. Most importantly, I asked if I can hug him and he just said ‘sure’ and my biggest dream came true and I hugged Ben for a while . He is the sweetest, kindest human being and has so much patience for his fans.

For the second performance, in the end with my friend we decided to exchange seats for even closer ones, as we didn’t want to go through the pain of seeing so little again. Oh Greek gods, what a difference did it make. I finally saw what was happening on stage! On Tuesday it still wasn’t the 1st or 2nd row, so couldn’t see Ben’s face very well, but oh my. I suppose here I will start my general thoughts about the play, irrespective of the day I saw it, as from Wednesday onwards I was sitting pretty much always in the 2nd or 1st row (just once – will get back to that). If I were to describe all remaining 6 performances in detail, this would become a book, not a Tumblr note and not sure anyone would even read it!

This play was everything my poor heart could hope for. Ben finally plays the main role (which is even more prominent since there are only 2 actors on the stage) and there is nothing to take your attention away from him. Renée only emphasizes his powerful presence on stage and in fact one of my impressions after seeing the play and having read it was that they both play the same person. After all, Norma says ‘I am my own chorus’ – and Renée was her chorus. Reflecting her/his thoughts (I will continue using the pronoun ‘his’ as in the text the character is designated as Norma Jeane, but on stage I think Ben played a male playwright, who only gradually becomes Norma), never negating anything, but giving him new ideas, as if they were formed in his brain and took a tangible form as Renée. I think there can be many interpretations here, but I particularly like this one, also because in the text of the play only one character is mentioned – Norma Jeane. Renée’s character isn’t mentioned anywhere in the text and was obviously added just to make it more stage friendly. It was really hard for me to take my eyes away from Ben throughout the play, but when I finally managed to do it, it was amazing to see how they exchanged looks and this interplay of emotions was what made it even more amazing.

The play tells a story of a playwright who creates a replica of Marilyn Monroe out of himself – both visually and mentally. He is mourning her and hires a scribe to write down his stream of consciousness about Norma Jeane. He gradually drops his own male clothes to put on the entire Marilyn attire, which is a beautiful… replica of what was worn back in the 50s (the longline peach corselette and matching panty girdle – not for the faint hearted!) together with Marilyn’s white fluffy mule heels, later on changed to her Seven Year Itch strappy sandals and the iconic white dress (there is an additional layer of white underwear that Ben puts on the girdle); ultimately he wears also the platinum white Marilyn wig. On the mental side, he gradually descends into the depths of Hades and ultimately kills himself, like Marilyn did. In the meantime, he plays ukulele (just like Marilyn), has numerous mental breakdowns, perfectly imitates her delicate dreamy voice (and that of Truman Capote), mocks Arthur Miller’s dimpled white buttocks and dances the entire sequence from ‘The Prince and the Showgirl’ (see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOkv4jV1-Bo) – more about that dance later on. One remark here – this play spoke so much to me because since I remember I always took style inspiration from my favourite bands and later on actors – even now I proudly wear my black Kanken, inspired by Ben. So yes, I completely understand Ben’s character here. He also adds the breasts, hips and bum padding underneath his lingerie (and moves like a ballerina) and here I must brag, but a kind message to all people who LAUGHED mockingly at it – please go back to primary school and… just stay there. There are two actors, who, in case you don’t realise are real people and laughing off at what they do onstage is just horrible. In case you laughed out of embarrassment, fine, I get that not everyone has to be comfortable with Ben Whishaw applying fake butt under his undies, but for god’s sake, please express it differently than by laughing and commenting. Or laugh internally. Or I don’t know. Good lord. And no, that wasn’t a moment which was supposed to make you laugh, like for example Ben imitating Capote’s voice.

There is this beautiful moment, about 30 mins after the show begins when Ben plays the ukulele and sings ‘I am that Persephone, Who played with her darlings in Sicily, Against a background of social security. Oh what a glorious time we had. Or had we not? They said it was sad. I was born good, grown bad.And isn’t that how it always starts, this myth that ends with the girl ‘grown bad’?, and Renée continues: ‘She’s in a meadow gathering flowers twirling her own small sunny hours’. (I might be a barbarian, but I truly don’t understand people who were like – wow, he dared sing on the same stage as Renée Fleming! – I am a newborn Renée Fleming fan, but come on people. He’s Ben Goddamn Whishaw :D). Suddenly the mood changes dramatically, when everything becomes dark and Ben says in a sinister voice ‘When up rides a man on black horses. Up rides a man in a black hat. Up rides a man with a black letter to deliver’… I don’t know how he does it but in this moment I see Hades in a black robe (yet Ben is still in his peach corset) who came to do something unforgivable. The entire story changes then, when Renée exclaims ‘rape’. ‘Rape is the story of Helen, Persephone, Norma Jeane, Troy’ they continue. Renée then sings ‘War is the context and God is a boy. Oh my darlings, they tell you you’re born with a precious pearl. Truth is, it’s a disaster to be a girl. Up came the black horses and the dark King. And the harsh sunshine was as if it had never been. In the halls of Hades they said I was queen’. That’s what they always say, isn’t it?

She sings it again just at the end of the play when Ben’s Norma Jeane dies and at that point I wasn’t crying, I was ejecting bodily fluids. Apologies to those sitting around me.

Back to Ben’s dance. This play is full of what in Polish I’d call ‘smaczki’ – little flavours that make this play the most tasty dish ever served. Ben’s voice changes, whenever he imitates someone; Renée’s gorgeous singing; the music which was composed uniquely of Renée’s mixed voice; the funny moments, which can so suddenly and unexpectedly turn into the most frightening scene, when in the middle of mocking Arthur of New York and Sparta, a phone rings and everyone is terrified. There’s an enormous amount of language play (language is a third actor on the stage, with gorgeous explanations of the etymology of Greek words – in fact, Ben has an English-Greek dictionary on the desk), there’s Ben playing ukulele and singing, there’s putting on makeup, there’s changing clothes, there’s shouting and throwing things around and then there’s the dance.

My god what Ben can do. WHAT THIS MAN CAN DO. He is so ethereal, lithe, yet with well-toned muscles and he suddenly starts to give this beautiful coy dance, where throughout he hides his face in charming embarrassment and smiles sweetly to Renée. This is one of the moments when I am almost angry that I have to translate my soul, as it would be so much easier to find perfect words for this in Polish, but at least my head is full of them. Writing about this dance (or this play) is anyway as futile as dancing about architecture. Ben looks perfect then, he is just perfection personified. With his little smile, his peach corselette (some other note here on Tumblr said that ‘Ben Whishaw should just exist in this corset’ and yes, he should), his bottle green male pants and the fluffy heels (the connection of the female corselette and the male suit pants is just… send firemen). On top of that, Renée sings like an angel and my brain is so overstimulated from listening to all those language games and being in New York to actually experience it that… (where are the firemen?!)…

But the thing is – and that’s why this play is so amazing – that when you actually find the superhuman power in yourself not to focus on Ben’s dance only, but to also listen to the song they play to it, your brain suddenly registers that something doesn’t fully stick – the music is super cheerful (note: it is not the same music as the one in Marilyn’s video from ‘The Prince and the Showgirl’) – it’s a typical 50s song with blurred voices, but the text is rather morose and it goes like ‘Dirt is matter out of place, matter out of place. A poached egg on your plate at breakfast is not dirt. The poached egg on page 202 of the Greek lexicon in the library of the British Museum is dirt. Dirt is something that has crossed a boundary it ought not to have crossed. Dirt confuses categories and mixes up form’ (I researched a bit and there’s an entire book on this topic, ‘Purity and Danger’ by Mary Douglas, where the main point being analysed is that what is regarded as dirt in a given spot is any matter out of place. What was considered clean in Sparta, wasn’t clean in Troy and vice versa. That’s the gist. Anne Carson I love you.)

Noone cries like Ben Whishaw. It really hurts all parts of my body to watch this. And it is so beautiful to watch Renée being concerned about him and the state he found himself in. One of the most beautiful scenes in the play is when Ben sits down at his desk and Renée very delicately takes his head in her hand and applies the fake eyelashes to his eyes, singing in a way that makes my heart break. There is so much love in this scene and acceptance and will of help and saying: I’m here for you and I will go with you on this journey.

And then suddenly you see he starts to take the pills and swallowing them with the fake theatre champagne and that’s when I start ejecting bodily fluids again. Renée comes back with her ‘Up came the black horses and the dark King. And the harsh sunshine was as if it had never been. In the halls of Hades they said I was queen’.

I suppose this text I wrote now will never be finished as memories and new realisations will keep on coming back to me and that’s where the beauty of this play lies – it’s an endless fishing ground for references and innuendos, interpretations and new things to be understood. But, enough for now.

I talked to Ben 3 more times after the play, on 14, 17 and 19 May. I now barely remember what I said precisely, but on Tuesday I told him how utterly enchanted I am by this play and that it talks about so many important things to me and doesn’t seem strange at all. Sunday was mad, as one can expect after the end of a run, with a long queue of fans (I gave Ben bright red roses, thanked him for the umpteenth time and complimented his new shirt, which he bought on Friday – don’t ask how I know it, I’m just a very careful observer LOL. He is my style guru, so I had to haha). With my friend we even managed to chat to the CEO of The Shed, Alex Poots, who was so amazed that we saw Norma Jeane 7 times, that he took out his iPhone and asked us to record a video where we recommend the show (bit late for that on the last night, but he can rest assured that I will be back!).

But Friday was just something else. Perhaps it was the power of red wine or the fact that Ben was going home alone and not with Mark or friends, but we approached him together with quite a few other fans and I swear to god, we had the funniest ever chat with him. To put it briefly, Ben was surrounded by around 10-15 fans and chatting to us in a very lovely, cheeky way (I love his sense of humour. I love everything about him, but that night it was just too much). Like imagine it. Someone asked him ‘Ben, what is the perfume that you wear?’ and he goes ‘Oh, it’s this, wait, I’ll show you’ and he took the perfume out of his tote bag and demonstrated it to everyone, gaining a round of ‘Awwwwwwww’. I still can’t believe it happened haha. One of my friends asked if he saw and liked Bjork and they chatted a bit about it and then Ben asked us if we did see her too, to which I replied ‘no, because we saw ANOTHER SHOW’. I could see that he was thinking and then suddenly it clicked, but I guess by that time he was perfectly aware that some of us saw it 7 times haha. He also told us ‘Don’t sit again in the first row, I can see you all’ (that’s what I meant when I said I will get back to the issue of sitting in the 1st row :D). Sweet lord. Best week of my life.

Exeunt omnes singing.

#normajeanebakeroftroy #BenWhishaw #reneefleming #theshed #nyc #annecarson #marilynmonroe #arthurmiller #helenoftroy #persephone

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quarantingz · 4 years

Text

oop mind dump(!), half-baked thoughts (!), usual confusion(!), being busy(!), efficiency(!), procrastination(!) & none of the above(!)

enjoy :))

[written on] 7 april, tuesday

[intended to post on] 7 april, tuesday

[intended to post 2.0 on] 8 april, wednesday

[finally posted, after much procrastination and probably just laziness, on] 9 april, thursday

Hi there!

With a lack of a profound statement to start off this entry, I’ll just say this…my mind is as scattered and non-sensical as ever! What’s new?

Second coffee in, I’m thinking about, as the title suggests, a lot of things (with as much caffeinated enthusiasm as it suggests)! I definitely didn’t think I was going to be writing a post today because I thought yesterday’s entry [monday’s] was heavy enough that I could simmer and ponder over it for a while longer. But I guess, as things go, and because I naturally must write things down, I need to write everything that’s going on in my head right now - before I forget, but also so I can pRoCeSs it :)

I will definitely not get through everything I think I want to write about in this one post, and for the sake of keeping it short and still somewhat legible and engaging, I will try my best. Maybe I will do a part two (??). Hmmm maybe I won’t haha. We’ll see how this goes.

Here we go…enjoy…

So as I was swinging my arms and getting a good stretch of the legs on our family “night” walk yesterday, Tali asked me, “did you have a good day today?”. It was a simple question and one I always answer with a “yeah kinda, did a few things, wish I did more, but tomorrow will be better!”. I like looking on the bright side, but it really got me thinking about what it means to be busy and how society has placed a lot of emphasis on it currently.

I recently read an article on It’s Nice That called, “You are More than Your Output”, which was an interesting read on this idea of “busyness”, the pressures on what we do for a living, self-definition from this and our relationship with work. Oosh, it was confronting and I definitely needed to discuss this with someone further. So of course I decided to send it to Gwen, Cullz and Paulz (there’s something so comforting and encouraging to know that I have people in my life who creatively challenge and most importantly, understand my journey as a creative, post-graduation).

Twas good discussions and what they said was so so good (got my brain juices flowing for sure), but I want to briefly touch on this topic and my thoughts about this…I love being busy, in fact, as I’ve mentioned before, I thrive off being busy. As bizarre as it sounds, I’m almost like an adrenaline junkie who gets off of busy schedules and long lists of TO-DOs. I like to ambitiously jam-pack my day with the most things I can do and “tick off” in ONE day. Sounds overwhelming and you’re probably thinking I’ll burn out eventually and I won’t always like this once I have a full-time job. But for now, I like that feeling. It makes me be and feel productive. And although I regularly remind my friends to take a break and relax in order to rejuvenate, I can’t seem to take this advice myself. I constantly feel like I’ve drunk five cups of coffee within 20 minutes, so my heart usually feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest, and my mind is so full, it’s almost incomprehensible and confusing.

Anyway, back to productivity…this feeling is probably the reason why I struggle with self-love a lot - if I’m not achieving everything on my list, I’m not being productive enough, it is not a “good day” and I’m not…“succeeding” in life. Which again, is all about MINDSET, people!

Yes, everything does comes with balance, prioritising and re-evaluating what’s the most important things in life at any given time. Sorry, but I feel like this entry will just raise more questions and half-baked thoughts (ha, managed to tick that off the list!), than actually solving anything.

I guess what I want to touch on here, is not so much on the debate about whether you should be busy or not, it’s more about dismantling these personal-constructs that we have in our minds…

Ahhh, another topic to elaborate on (solely) for another time I guess (…??).

*** SIDE-NOTE (COZ WE LOVE A SIDE-NOTE) ***

Right now [tuesday, 2.40pm], my eldest sister sits on the La-Z-Boy, rocking back and forth trying to write a new idea for a new script. My dad too, sits facing the same way as her towards the ranch slider and garden, bowl of sweet mung bean soup in hand, relaxing in a foldable picnic chair for his “break”. I can’t help but smile at this scene and feel very happy and content in where I am right now. It also makes me chuckle at the contrast of their peaceful reflections with my scattered mind and furious typing. My frantic fingers almost echo in the quiet space that is my living room. I like this. I had only wanted to write one word down for this entry before I forgot it (then finish this piece tomorrow, when I felt like it), but here I am having written over one page long. I’m also not listening to music, which is rare for me as I like dwelling in the emotions and vibe of the music while I write - it helps me as you know by now. But in this moment, it’s just Tema, my dad, me, my typing and my silent scattered thoughts.

*** END OF SIDE-NOTE (ACTUALLY A SMALL APPRECIATIVE-NOTE) ***

Back to the point…the mere act of typing furiously on my keyboard (ooh links!) actually makes me feel busy and definitely makes me look busy. When someone says, “oh Alyssa, you’re always so busy” or “bro, when are YOU free?”, it kind of makes me feel good - that I’m somehow “succeeding” in life because I actually have things to do. But isn’t it all superficial and just an appearance? Because in my mind, I’m not achieving as much as I want to do within a day or week. Anyway, maybe that’s why a lot of people, even myself, give into this idea of busyness - because we’re fed this belief that to be “successful”, means that we not only occupy ourselves to the max, but we look the part too. That’s apparent in any bustling city, like Auckland, or London and Paris. People are constantly moving and doing things. These cities never sleep and apparently that idea means those cities and people are thriving and being “successful”.

I guess another aspect I want to discuss is the idea of efficiency. For some reason, that word is so mockable, but maybe that’s just because my boyfriend uses that word excessively and I like to laugh at him (because he’s silly, not because I’m a bully, woah, CHILL). So to be busy, and therefore “successful” is also associated with being efficient. Which also relates to B, who applies lip balm VERY STRANGELY, but efficiently…he applies it by swiping the stick across his top and bottom lip at the same time, followed by a giddy “EFFICIENCY G!” EVERY. TIME. This is quite like the idea of “killing two birds with one stone”. The idea of doing the most you can and preferably at the same time in order to optimise time. It also links with the saying, “time is of the essence”. Because we have such a limited time on Earth, people feel like they have to fill everyday and every waking hour doing something - or else we feel unproductive and ultimately a “failure”. I’m not saying everyone feels like this (I do), or that efficiency is stupid and entirely negative. I think it’s entirely individual and lies within our perceptions of the things we actually do and hope to do. Everything is relative (??).

Which brings me to the subject of procrastination. For example, in the span it has taken me to write this blog post, I’ve made myself a bowl of plain porridge for my late 2pm lunch (oop photo reference - twas really nice actually), a toastie with salami, sweet thai chilli sauce, harissa sauce and a lot of pepper (odd mix I know), which I had at 4pm, but now consider as my dinner coz now I’m stuffeddddd. I’ve also made hummus (which I think I want to write about next - there’s a metaphor in there that I want to exploit lol) for the fam, folded all of the whites and made the cinnamon apple filling for Tema and I’s mini pies. Talk about procrastination…see here, maybe this isn’t “procrastination”!

The issue lies in how we prioritise and give importance to certain things in our life. And in this case, I’m still being “busy”, but my perception of what I’ve done is that these are menial tasks - they are of lesser importance and priority compared to other things on my to-do list. Again, it is all relative. This comparison between certain things we do is what makes us fall into this trap of self-punishment and “failure” (again, maybe it’s just me). So when we do the thing that seems less important, we consequently feel unproductive . But I had been meaning to make hummus since last week, and I intended to eat lunch at 12.30pm, but got too busy looking through some design concepts for my friend, AND I was meant to fold the whites so my dad could have a clean set of singlets for this week. And lol, I wanted to make pie filling because we all craved something sweet (can’t we just do things just coz?). Looking over these, all of them are important! But why do we prioritise our jobs as so and essentially, degrade our life choices??!

Okay, I think I’m going to wrap this up because there’s no point to this entry anymore. But it was interesting to type out all these random thoughts and somehow try to weave them together. But as always, this is just a ramble. You're confused, I’m confused, we’re ALL confused.

(Or maybe I wanted to see whether you could keep up with my 100 mph train of thoughts hehe)

So to tie everything up in a big, definitely-not-an-indecisive-red-or-maybe-blue-nah-feelin-green-now-BOW…be busy, don’t be busy. Procrastinate, don’t procrastinate. BUT, be kinder to yourself. You don’t have to be busy nor productive - give yourself some slack, you’re doing the best you can! So practice SeLf-LoVe.

You owe yourself thatttt much :)

p.s. I think this post was more me procrastinating about writing and posting, because clearly, I took my time procrastinating and eventually posting three days later than when I first wrote this.

Anyway, have a great day y’all (productive or busy or none of the above)!

- a

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neighbours-kid · 5 years

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A Very Whovian February

Here we go again, another month over already. To nobody’s surprise whatsoever, I have continued watching way too many movies and tv show episodes in February as well. There weren’t as much as in January because university started again, but there were some. It totals in at 3 movies, 1 musical, and 116 episodes of tv. I was a bit heavy on the shows this month, less so on the movies, as you can see.

February is always a….peculiar month, if you will. It’s short, it’s half holiday and half university, it’s sort of winter but not anymore, and just really weird. What was particularly strange about this month however, was that even though I sort of committed myself to binging through Money Heist once more—and managed three episodes—I quickly went back on that decision and made another, rather bigger commitment: I decided to re-watch and finally catch up on Doctor Who. No one was more surprised at this decision than me, I believe.

I used to love this show, I used to talk about little else. Doctor Who dominated big parts of my interests for a few years. Through a combination of my brother watching the show and me discovering tumblr, I started watching it in 2012. That was right at the end of ninth grade and the beginning of grammar school. I was 16. I was awful. I talked about it constantly, and especially after I “converted” a friend and she ended up watching it too, it was a constant stream of talking about Doctor Who, always, all the time, everywhere. Which I now understand is annoying as hell. However, back then? People being annoyed with it and sort of shaming me for it? That—and the show losing what made me love it mostly through Moffat taking over—made me stop watching it. At some point I just—stopped. I didn’t talk about it, didn’t think about it much anymore, unfollowed a lot of blogs on tumblr who posted about it, and turned my interests elsewhere. I abandoned it.

For a while there it was also just a thing that I didn’t wanna touch. I watched it in a part of my life where I was awful and toxic and just not a really fun human being to be around, I think. At least I don’t look back at this time all too fondly. It was just part of a person who I wasn’t anymore, who I grew out of, grew up from, and largely also moved on from. It was a strange time. But it was always sort of at the back of my mind as something that I loved, something that brought me great joy and parts of which I really missed deep down. Once I got a Netflix account and it kept appearing in my suggestions, my resolve to not go back to it started to crumble and I ultimately decided that I could learn to love this show again and maybe be better about it this time around. And I also just really wanted to give Peter and Jodie a chance, because no matter how good or bad the stories are, taking on a role like the Doctor is a feat, and I want to give them the opportunity to impress me and make me like them.

Watching that very first episode of Chris Eccleston’s arc at the beginning of this month felt very similar to when I completely re-read all of Naruto last Spring. It felt like coming home, like re-discovering a long lost love. And I am loving it. I am enjoying this tremendously. The monsters are ridiculous, the CGI is hilariously bad, the masks and make-up are insanely cool, the stories are simple and honest and lovely and I just adore it so much. Russel T. Davis was such a wonderful show runner, his vision for the show was so….lovely and simple and human. There were so many brilliant moments in the first four seasons, the companions were fascinating and conflicting and challenging and the Doctor was fantastic and brilliant. And even now that I have already binged through most of Matt’s arc as well, I still appreciate this show. The first time around, I think, I wasn’t too fond of Matt as the Doctor because I really loved David and his take on it, but this time, I am really enjoying Matt’s way of navigating that sort of dichotomy of darkness and ridiculousness that the Doctor has. Matt is fun. David is still my absolute favourite, but I am enjoying Matt tremendously as well. The CGI might have gotten better, the stories bigger and bolder, and, what I felt the first time around, maybe lost a bit of it’s simple and human aspects, but it is still a show that makes you keep thinking, what if?

If you know me you know that I often say the words “ugh I hate people”. I hold the opinion on most days that we, humans, are the worst and we’re being for the most part terrible to ourselves, our environment, and that Earth would be better off if we all just died. However, on odd days in between, I am also like insanely fascinated by humans and by what we can do and who we are and all that. Watching nearly seven seasons of Doctor Who in one month and seeing the world and humans through the Doctor’s eyes, raised those odd days in between to a level able to compete with my humans-suck days. It’s basically 50/50 now, to be honest. If you boil my entire life down to a single conflict it’s that of HUMANS SUCK WE’RE THE WORST and HUMANS MY DUDE HUMANS WE HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Basically. Combine this binge-watch with the Opportunity Rover dying and you have me sobbing in a corner filled with hope for humanity and the need to change the world, because we could.

Oh.

Well.

Look at that. This is supposed to be a recap slash diary entry about this month and I have already spent all this time talking about Doctor Who. Can you imagine how annoying I was when I watched it the first time? Yeeeaaaah.

Anyway.

Watching Doctor Who was not actually the only thing I did in this month. I did a lot of procrastinating on a paper about witchcraft in Dutch art which I then finally finished the day before I had to hand it in, started university back up again in the middle of it, helped some friends on their moving day, hung out with other friends, went to a birthday, and, y’know, did things human beings do.

But—and I’m going back to Doctor Who again, sort of, I am so sorry—I also read a book. And not just some book. It was Good Omens by the two amazing gentlemen Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Watching four seasons of David Tennant being amazing on Doctor Who also made me re-discover my adoration for him. Not that I didn’t already know that, I mean I did just watch him in Broadchurch. He is just great and I love watching him in things. And then he started a podcast (David Tennant Does A Podcast With…, it’s amazing, you should all listen to it) and he’s on radio shows promoting it and he is just ever present. And there was press and information and stuff going around for the tv adaption of Good Omens in which David plays Crowley, so he was just constantly on my mind. So I said to myself, hell yes, you need to re-read Good Omens before the show comes out in May, so why not do that now. And I did. And it was fantastic. And because I am me, and I am weird, I forced myself to stretch the last 100 pages of the book over an entire week, so I could walk into every first session of classes at university reading this book (four of which being theology classes, which was very important for me to be reading this book in). I needed to mark my place as resident weirdo, because who else could it be?

So, in summary, I guess my month could also be called “David Tennant February”. I watch Doctor Who nearly every evening, listen to David’s podcast every Tuesday, think about Good Omens every day—yeah, February was very heavy on the David Tennant content. I am not complaining.

To end this on a less David Tennant-y note, and a more “these things actually happened this month” bit, February has also been a month of, I don’t know, resurrection? Is that a good word? Anyway—February has brought out (or back) more of who I truly am again. Most of it is the weather (thanks climate change, I’m sorry the planet is dying), the sun being out, the temperatures already clocking in above 10 degrees celsius. I am enjoying it tremendously. I am convinced that I might be half-plant because the sun just revitalises me so strongly. Seasonal depression just goes down the gutter once the sun is out and I can feel the warmth of Spring on my skin. I am alive. Another thing is that I stopped, just really stopped giving a shit at university about other people and what they think. I am using all the bathrooms, no matter what. I am going by Alex even in German classes. I don’t apologise for anything or justify my actions. I don’t care anymore. What I do care about, is that I finally got a date for my consultation with a psychiatrist here in the city. I am partially excited and happy about it, however I also, as soon as I opened the envelope, felt completely numb and detached because the date is in June and that’s still so far off, which I guess I knew would be the case, but having confirmation for it, was just a bit…much, I think. Knowing that my future is in the hands of other people is not a thought I like very much and having to wait for other people to have time for me in that perspective is just not a fun thing. But we’ll get there. Eventually.

I don’t know guys, this post is just full on stream of consciousness, just me blabbing on and on about things that I don’t think anybody really cares about. But like I said last time, this is supposed to be a sort of diary entry for my garbage brain to remember what I did in my life, so y’know, this is valid.

I’ll talk to y’all in a month. Be good out there, guys. Be good.

Bye.

#february #blog post #text post #diary #recap #monthly blog #doctor who #good omens #david tennant #writing #trans

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rauliskafan · 6 years

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A Hard Lesson in Matters of the Heart: Chapter 14

Authors’ Note: Happy Tuesday, terrific readers!!! Thank you again for your phenomenal feedback!!! You have no idea how much it means to us!!! Now after so much drama, who’s in the mood for a little sweetness??? Read on for more!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

“Oh, Mike, you are worse than Natty!” Maggie scolded as they made their way towards the apartment stairs. Smiling, the sergeant made sure nothing was in Maggie’s way, and he gripped her hand as he carefully helped her up the steps.

“Well, if it’s a competition to see who can take care of you best… then I win,” Mike said with a grin and a playful wink. Maggie could not help but smile at her husband’s attention. So much tension had seeped away since that day in the park, the moments before and after. Now there was no strain, and she felt as if she could breathe again.

“You will always win in my heart,” Maggie said softly as she reached for his face and looked into his sweet eyes.

Mike wasted no time sweeping her into a kiss and carrying her across the threshold of their home. They had discussed a move but that felt like a lifetime ago. When Peter showed up, Maggie ceased searching. But now…

“Whatever happened to wanting a bigger place?” Mike asked as he settled Maggie onto the comfy couch facing the window that looked out at the cityscape. The sun was just beginning to set, and peace enveloped them once more.

Maggie pulled the ivory blanket over her legs and snuggled into the cushions. “I was just thinking that, but we’ll have to move quickly.”

Mike nodded. “My dad mentioned a set of brownstones just being renovated.”

“Hmmm… I like the sound of that.” Maggie smiled as she thought of having so much more space and a beautiful home for their little family. “Maybe we can check it out later this week?”

“Yeah. After you get plenty of rest tiny, dancer,” Mike said a little sternly but with a tender edge to his tone.

Maggie couldn’t help but giggle happily. How could she think of her past life when her present was everything she had ever wanted? “Okay, okay... yes, sir!” Maggie saluted him with a wink and settled into his arms as he kissed the top of her head.

“Are you really sure you’re alright?” he softly asked.

“Yes, Mike.”

“No thanks to me of course.”

“Please don’t do that---”

Mike shook his head. “No, Maggie. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have... run away like that. It was selfish of me.”

“I get why you did it. You were hurt and that was my fault. I should have told you from the beginning, but I was scared and confused.”

“Please don’t be,” he whispered as he gave her another light kiss. “Not with me.”

“Never again,” she promised, rubbing his chest and savoring the silence save for the beating of his heart.

“Maggie?

“Yeah?”

“I have to say something.” Shifting where he sat, he took a deep breath and held Maggie’s hand. Even as she was bit nervous, she was more than ready to listen. “I… I will never hold your past against you. It wouldn’t be fair. We didn’t know each other then. Both of us had lives of our own before finding each other.”

“I know but---”

Mike placed two fingers on her lips. “Before you start, let me finish by saying I have a past, too. People that were important. My dad always says that every person you meet shapes who you are. And everyone who ever met you made me a miracle.”

Her eyes brimmed with a few tears, but she kept them at bay as she flung her arms around his neck.

“Thank you for saying that,” she murmured.

“It’s the truth.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” she continued. “But…”

“But what?” Mike asked as he eased away from his wife.

“Well, I would have done more than just throw a punch if I caught you kissing an old girlfriend, Mike Dodds,” Maggie teased with a winning smile as she brought Mike back to her side.

And he threw his head back with a laugh.

“I would actually like to see that.”

“Hmm, don’t be so sure I’m joking,” Maggie warned.

“Point taken,” he said as he stole a kiss from her lips. “Yesterday is not the point; I want to be your tomorrow.”

Maggie closed her eyes for a minute and reflected on all they had been through. It hadn’t been easy, but they always came through even more content on the other side. The day of their wedding everything fell into place, and she couldn’t have felt happier.

Except for maybe right now.

“And I want to be your forever, Mike,” Maggie whispered as she pressed her lips to his, letting the warmth from his body wrap her in a cocoon that she never wanted to break free from.

Sighing, Mike placed his hand on her growing tummy. “Forever with the two of you sounds just about perfect.”

Maggie smiled and was happy to remain in his arms as Mike pulled out a book of baby names, borrowed from Natalia, to search for a name for their little one. Flipping through page after page, reviewing the meanings, Maggie felt the names begin to blur together until she released a heavy sigh.

Which her husband ultimately echoed.

“I didn’t think picking a name would be this hard,” he said.

“Especially when your father keeps texting me hints!” Maggie laughed as she tossed the book aside and decided to resume the task tomorrow.

“Mike?”

He let out a little yawn and looked to his wife. “Yeah?”

“How… how will you work with Peter, especially after everything that happened?” Her question was hesitant; she didn’t want to ask but it was a thought that had crossed her mind, and she needed to know what her husband had planned.

“I’m not happy about it,” Mike started. “But… but he did look after you in the hospital and for that I’m grateful. Besides, Liv and Rafael will deal with him more than me.”

“Rafael will love that,” Maggie mused.

“He’ll figure it out,” Mike reassured her. “He has Natalia.”

“And I have you.”

They nearly kissed again when Mike paused before her mouth.

“No more worries. No more stress. Just happier times. For all of us.”

Maggie felt grateful tears begin to form in her eyes as Mike brought her to their bedroom. She could add no more secrets to his list. But there was no need. Not when she had learned her lesson well. Losing him was not worth the risk. And as he gently sat her on the edge of the bed, she pulled him into a hug and kissed him through her smile.

“Yes, Mike. Happier times. And the happiest in my life are always with you.”

Tagging: @dreila03 @minidodds @sonshine-carisii @mrsrafaelbarba @delia26 @morbid-apricots @thefanficfaerie @lyssa1385 @letty-o @kkemp43 @gibbs274 @fortheloveofallthingsraul @destroyedbydickwolf @southern-magnolia @imagine-hopper @sweetsummertime99 @obfuscateyummy

#raúl esparza #rafael barba #mike dodds #maggie dodds #a hard lesson in matters of the heart #a hard lesson series #law & order: svu #svu fanfiction

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jodiwalker · 6 years

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Every Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Thing Arie Did in Part 1 of the Awful, Riveting, No Fun, Painfully Mesmerizing 'Bachelor' Finale

So, as it turns out: "needle dick" was a pretty solid assessment of a highly thoughtless person, gifted to us during The Bachelor's season 22 “Women Tell All” special a few weeks ago. Yes, it was an assessment made by a pathological narcissist with a YouTube channel and a WebMD printout of "laryngitis" symptoms, but still...

On Monday night, The Bachelor decided to air three hours' worth of their chosen testicle-in-charge Arie repeatedly telling his final two sister-girlfriends that he was so in love with each of them, choosing one to propose marriage to, and then breaking off the engagement with That One while a camera crew filmed the whole thing because he figured out he was actually in love with The Other One. Now, let's be clear: Becca K. as she's known around the Bachelor Thunderdome, has dodged the most boring of bullets. When all is said and done — or in the case of Arie and Lauren, when all is just done — this situation will ultimately be nothing but a win for Becca K. She comes out looking like a Minnesota rose with the most treasured quality of all: not being engaged to Arie.

But this entire show is designed to make Becca fall in love with Arie, and she did that. Becca did exactly what The Bachelor asked of her, and they repaid her by having a dude whose personality amounts to "cars go vroom vroom" break up with her in real time on national television. Obviously, the very worst thing Arie did on Monday night was setting his fiancé up for a blindside, and agreeing to film it for mass consumption. But in The Bachelor world, it's near impossible to know what's contractually obligated and what kind of behind-the-scenes manipulation is at play. I put the burden of airing Becca's heartbreak on this franchise; at least until the final two hours of this trainwreck air on Tuesday night when perhaps Arie will explain himself [ed. note: hahhahahahaha omg srsly, wut am i thinking?].

Even with that benefit of the doubt given to Arie about just how callous and insensitive we could believe him to be to the women he claims to love, our Bachelor still spent the entire three hours of Monday's filmed finale in "hold my beer, watch this" mode. Truly, he had moves we've never seen — and a few we've all seen. Without needing to hear a single thing he has to say live on Tuesday night, these are unequivocally The Worst Things Arie did in Monday night's Bachelor finale:

TELLING BOTH WOMEN HE LOVED THEM EVERY TIME THEY GLANCED IN HIS DIRECTION

At some point, Arie decided to replace his most-used catch phrase, "I love that," which is entirely devoid of meaning, with a variation—"I love you"—which is one of the most important phrases in the English language. When Ben Higgins told both of his final two women that he loved them, he immediately knew he'd made a mistake, and spent the rest of the finale looking like he was going to throw up on his penny loafers. Because Ben realized telling them such an important thing would make both women feel extremely confident, and eventually one of them would be extra hurt and confused, knowing that he loved her a day ago when they were making out by a waterfall, but he's now rejecting her next to a pedestal from Home Goods with Chris Harrison lurking around in the background. Basically, Ben took one single moment to consider his girlfriends' feelings and was like, Ohhhh, I'm a fucking idiot.

Arie is a fucking idiot who will never, ever realize it, as is evidenced over and over again in his final, excruciating breakup with Becca. He loved that Becca and Lauren both felt so confident about their relationship with him, almost like he never once considered that one of them would be completely traumatized once they hobbled down a Peruvian hillside in the name of an engagement to the man they loved—and who loved them!—only to get a swift Kanye to the face [ed note: you know, Imma let you finish, but Becca had the best wife potential of all time]. Arie telling both women he loved them repeatedly, often, and with mounting conviction wasn't his worst mistake, but it was his most fundamental mistake. It's the infrastructural jackassery upon which his Mount Rushmore of his jackassery stands. Shall we proceed?

ASKING HIS FAMILY WHICH OF HIS TWO BELOVED GIRLFRIENDS HE SHOULD MARRY

Okay, I did kind of savor how rude Arie's parents were without seeming to have any idea how awful they were being. While I could empathetically understand that it would suck for Becca that Arie's family kept being like, Yes when we met Arie Jr.'s other girlfriend Lauren yesterday, we enjoyed her exactly as much as we are currently enjoying you…it was also a little hilarious how insensitively clueless they were. Heyyyy, it's almost like that characteristic runs in the family or something! Food for thought.

My family's opinion matters to me too — wanting to keep that opinion hovering around "only slightly worried about her delayed progression into adulthood" is one of the many reasons I would never go on The Bachelor (the other reasons are that The Bachelor wouldn't take me because I have curly hair, have never been a catalog model, and unabashedly ate a cookie for breakfast last week). What I'm saying, is your family's opinions go out the window the minute you decide to do any of this. But Arie clearly couldn't get past his family's assessment of two women they'd spent maybe three hours with, and whose only immediate differentiating features are: one is shy-nice, and one is outgoing-nice and they have two different hair colors, though I can't for the life of me remember which belonged to which woman. I want to say there was a Sarah. Was someone named Sarah, Arie Jr.??? Anyway, pick Becca—she talks!

AT LEAST ARIE'S FAMILY COULD EXPLAIN WHY THEY CHOSE BECCA OVER LAUREN

This situation was doomed from the moment ol' Pillow Lips himself explained that he wanted to be able to tell Lauren something that would help her understand why he was breaking up with her, "But I have no real reason to give her."

All I wanted to say to Arie throughout the entire finale was: TRY, Arie. Why don't you just try to explain it? It's a good practice, trying! I get that it's hard, but if you put in the work, and try even a little bit to understand your feelings, I swear you can ink something out, even if it's just: I do love this, and I don't love this. Those words are very solidly in your vocabulary, I know it. Just TRY to relay your feelings to the people you supposedly love, you weak-willed doofus!

LETTING LAUREN LAY OUT ALL THE REASONS SHE LOVES HIM BEFORE TELLING HER HE'S BREAKING UP WITH HER

Rude, so rude. This woman literally hates to speak, Arie—that is what you love about her! (I think!) And you're going to let her go on and on, quite eloquently might I add, about how you've inspired her to let her walls down and how she's soooo glad she finally let herself believe that this love could be real??? This man's spine is made of pudding cups.

TELLING LAUREN HE LOVED HER AS SHE GOT IN THE BREAKUP LIMO

At this point, the idiocy truly became astounding. Not only has he blindsided and traumatized a woman who he has been telling that he loves for weeks by choosing another women over her, but now he's going to tell Lauren that he loves her moments before proposing to Becca? Has he considered that might be painful for his alleged future wife? Of course not! I think if you told Arie that other people have internal thoughts and feelings just like him, his head would explode, and then he'd just go on living his exact same life as a headless torso being told what to do by the Bachelor producers. But at least this brings us to...

HONORABLE MENTION: THE BEST THING LAUREN DID

I know this will shock you, but the best thing Lauren did during the finale was speak a series of words out loud — and boy were those words dead on the money. In the limo, feeling shocked and betrayed, she repeats out loud one of the idiotic things Arie told her when he broke up with her: that he didn't know who he was going to choose until just that morning. "Does that not terrify him?" she asks. "How could you get down on one knee if you weren't sure, like, three hours ago?" An excellent question, and proof that even Lauren would have been a more equipped Bachelor than Arie.

PROPOSING TO BECCA

Obviously, Arie's biggest mistake, from which there is no turning back—although he sure does try, that stinker!—was exactly what Lauren couldn't wrap her head around: he got down on one knee and proposed marriage to Becca when he had been completely in love with another woman and unsure of who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with just hours before.

Never has it been clearer how toxic the construct of this show is than now, when it's been thrust upon a canvas as blank and malleable as Arie. He spends the entire finale saying he's not sure about one woman, spending time with that woman, and then being completely reassured that he's in love with her, basically because she is in love with him; lather, rinse, repeat with the next one. I truly believe that if Becca had the first final date with Arie, and Lauren had the second spot, Arie would have chosen Lauren instead. He has the emotional retention span of a drunken dance floor makeout. I think a baby trying ice cream for the first time might have a stronger grasp on what love is than Arie.

Oh, and let's not forget this standout line from Arie’s proposal of marriage: "I choose you today, and I choose you every day from here on out." Arie apparently thought "here-on-out" was like one of those Old English words like "wherefore" or "fortnight" where it sounds like it means one thing (forever), but actually means another (two months, or whenever the camera crew is available to come out to this mansion in the Hills).

THE ENTIRE BREAK UP CONVERSATION WITH BECCA, START TO (ATTEMPTED) FINISH

Assessing the production genius and emotional sociopathy of the decision to show Arie breaking Becca's heart in real-time split-screen is for another time. For now, let's just block off the next four hours to discuss every single stupid thing Arie did during said exploitative disaster. First, after sitting Becca down for a serious talk, Arie tries to ask her how a recent trip to Las Vegas was and compliment a new tattoo. [Ed. note: The distraction of trying to figure out if the tattoo had anything to do with Arie, and ultimately, the immense relief that it did not but was merely your average bumblebee wrist-tattoo, was at least appreciated.]

Becca, however, is like, cut the shit and tell me what you want to talk about; that is our first sign that Becca is equipped to deal with the fuck boi nonsense that is about to be presented to her. I would like to be clear though, that just because Becca is strong, and Arie is weak, would not make this any less painful for her.

Arie then proceeds to explain in great detail how he can't explain why he's breaking up with her, except to say it in the absolute harshest, and most callous way possible: "The more I hung out with you, the more I felt like I was losing the possibility of maybe reconciling things with Lauren." I honestly think the worst part of that awful statement isn't saying that you've been thinking about someone else the entire time you’ve been with Becca; it isn't saying that you're leaving her for another woman; it isn't naming that woman by name just to really drive the knife right in the bumblebee tattoo; it's calling your engagement "hanging out." GROW UP, ARIE!!!

Becca's flawless response: "Are you fucking kidding me?" NEVER CHANGE, BECCA!!!

Arie goes on to say just about every wrong thing possible. He didn't think "it would be fair" to stay with Becca if he was only half in the relationship. "So are you going to be half in with her?" Becca asks. Nope, Arie's gonna full-love Lauren, and he feels like he's been "pretty upfront" with Becca about how he's been struggling to get past his feelings for Lauren. That's when Becca's left hand with her giant engagement ring briefly dips below the split-screen, and without saying anything, comes back up diamondless. And that's when I fall in full-love with Becca. Perhaps, Arie says, he didn't let Becca know "the extent" to which he hadn't moved on from Lauren. "Clearly," says Becca, a queen.

Then this martyr-ass-muthafucka tells the fiancé he's breaking up with in order to go chase after another woman that he "thought it would be good for us to talk about this now," rather than doing it on After the Final Rose. Becca tells him it would have been good if he hadn't proposed to her in the first place. She says she's done here, and goes in the back of the house to start re-packing the suitcases she brought with her when she was assuming this would be a romantic weekend with her fiancé…

NOT FUCKING LEAVING WHEN BECCA ASKED HIM TO FUCKING LEAVE 100 DIFFERENT TIMES

People talk to me about The Bachelor a lot. Even when I'm not writing about a season, or not really watching it, they know I'll be down to clown about The Bachelor and I love that — always talk to me about The Bachelor, I beg of you.

The number one thing I've heard from women who watched last night's slow-motion disaster, is how sick they felt watching Arie hang around that house and follow Becca around, and ask her to talk to him, even after she’d repeatedly told him that she wanted him to leave and had nothing to say to him. Because there is a certain type of immature man than many women (and men, I'd imagine) have dealt with: men who want women to reassure them that they're still good men even though they're doing a bad thing. Arie begged Becca to talk to him some more, and when she relented, he stared at her in silence. Because he was waiting and waiting for her alleviate the emotional weight of his guilt for him, so that he wouldn't have to feel it anymore.

Becca refused to do that: she refused to hug him goodbye. She refused to tell him that it was okay. She refused to tie an ugly situation up with a pretty bow in order to take this man's emotional baggage onto her already heaving load. And that is the admirable, strong, very good, incredibly courageous thing Becca did.

#The Bachelor #The Bachelor Recap

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soldierstark · 7 years

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Kiss and Dash | Part 2 | PETER PARKER X READER

Description: It all starts when the reader kisses Peter Parker for a dare then runs off but it really spirals out of control when Spiderman takes revenge with his own kiss and dash. Is it possible that a simple dare could lead to the unveiling of New York City’s youngest superhero’s true identity? Because not all people kiss the exact same… right?

Author's Note: I know this isn't an update to Double Take but I promise that'll be the next fic I post. I'm currently out of town (this post is scheduled) so I'll be answering all the asks and messages I receive when I get back. Once again I'd like to say that inspiration for this fic came from this one and as always feel free to send me requests or let me know if you want to be tagged in my future fics

Important Notice: I want to hold a contest to celebrate my recent gain in followers and one of my wonderful followers suggested I do a writing contest. Here's a link to the ask she sent me with more info. If enough people message/like/reblog/reply to it I'm going to do it. Please let me know if you're interested so I know if I should do it!

Word Count: 1969

FANFICTION MASTERLIST | Part 1

(Y/N) had kissed him.

She actually pressed him against the lockers, and kissed him.

(Y/N) (Y/L/N), his best friend who was relatively timid and shy, stormed into the boy’s locker room, pinned him down, and kissed him.

It was literally, all Peter could think about. He couldn’t tell you what happened in school that day because he was too busy playing the kiss over and over again in his mind. The warmth that seeped through his collar where she grabbed him. The feel of her soft lips against his. The sweet taste she had left behind and the sparks that fizzled all over his body at the fact that she had just kissed him!

And Peter couldn’t understand why. Well, he had an idea of what it meant but he wasn’t really in the mood to dwell over the fact that he might have a crush on one of his best friends.

(Y/N) had never been the type of girl who, well, walked into boy’s locker room and kissed someone. Not only that, but kiss someone fiercely. Peter never thought that (Y/N) had an aggressive bone in her body before this, but that kiss certainly raised some questions to the matter.

“C’mon Peter, bro,” Ned said, snapping a finger in front of his face. “Snap out of it! You’ve been acting like a zombie all day!”

The two boys were in Peter’s bedroom after school doing their homework. Well, trying to at least.

“Huh,” Peter blinked, snapping out of his reverie. He looked over at Ned and saw that he was staring at him with a look that read really dude. “Sorry. I was just thinking about-“

“(Y/N),” Ned finished for him dryly, rolling his eye. “I know though I’m not sure if thinking is the right word for it. More like… obsessing.”

Peter flushed and looked down at his history assignment. He was well aware of how stupid he had been acting today as Ned had to guide him back to class and stop him from running into pillars and walls whenever he caught sight of (Y/N)’s (Y/H/C) hair.

“It’s just that she kissed me Ned!” he cried running a hand through his unruly dark hair. “(Y/N), one of our best friends, kissed me.”

“I know dude,” Ned said flatly. “I was there. I was literally 2 feet away from you. You flopped around against the lockers like a fish,” he snickered.

Peter ignored him and continued. “She just marched right into the boys’ locker room, and kissed me! In front of everyone!”

“I know!” Ned rolled his eyes. “I was there!”

“Yes,” Peter snapped irritably, tapping his fingers against his thigh. “But why Ned? Why did she kiss me?”

“How should I know that?” Ned shrugged, not looking up from his homework. “I don’t read minds. The only way you’re ever gonna find out is if you just ask her.”

Peter looked up at that with a thoughtful expression that was rapidly turning into a mischievous grin. “You’re right Ned,” he stated standing up out of his desk chair. “I will ask her.”

“Of course I’m right,” Ned replied. “Now that that’s settled le-… What are you doing?” he asked looking up from his homework.

Peter was stripping down right in front of him whilst digging around in his backpack. “Getting ready to see (Y/N)”

Ned quirked an eyebrow. “Naked?” he asked confused.

“No,” Peter replied back breathily, pulling a familiar red a blue suit out of his bag.

Ned’s eyes widened as he watched Peter begin to put on his suit. “What in gods name do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m going to go ask (Y/N) why she kissed me…. Duh.”

Ned stood up off of Peter’s bed. “As Spiderman! Peter, that’s a terrible idea you can’t be serious,” he said shaking his head in disbelief as Peter walked over to his bedroom window and opened it.

With one last smile, Peter pulled his mask over his head and crawled thought the window. “Cover for me. Will you Ned? Thanks! You’re the best,” Peter whisper-yelled before he shot a web out into the distance and swung away.

The best part about being a superhero was the freedom. The feeling Peter got as he swung through the streets of New York City was indescribable. He got an exited tingle in the pit of his stomach as he swung high up above the ground then swooped down until he was only a few feet above the pavement.

It was the ultimate feeling of freedom. And Peter absolutely adored it.

For once, luck was on Spiderman’s side. As he approached (Y/N)’s apartment building he noticed that she was already sitting outside on her balcony. She was turned away from him, writing in what he was guessing was her notebook, unaware that anyone was watching her.

Spiderman swung onto the balcony, landing in a crouched position quietly and stealthily like any good superhero. He stood up straight and leaned against the railing casually. “What are you writing?” he asked.

(Y/N) jumped up and turned around quickly, breathing erratically. She sighed in relief and rested a hand on her heart trying to soothe its erratic rhythm. “Oh,” she mumbled looking at him confused. “It’s you.”

“Not happy to see me?” Spiderman asked feigning hurt.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders. “Well I’m not mad to see you either. I’m just surprised and confused as to why you’re here right now.”

Spiderman strolled along the perimeter of the balcony nonchalantly. “I was in the neighborhood and saw you out here and I decided to check in. For no reason in particular, though if I’m imposing I’ll leave.”

“You’re not imposing,” (Y/N) reassured him. “It’s just rather unusual that New York City’s youngest superhero drops by my apartment on a Tuesday evening. What can I do for you?”

Spiderman opened his mouth, ready to ask the question that had been nagging him all day since his PE class, and then immediately snapped it shut. It suddenly occurred to him, he should’ve listened to Ned. He couldn’t ask (Y/N) why she kissed him, Peter, while dressed as Spiderman.

Apart of him still wanted to ask (Y/N). Mostly out of curiosity, but it would also be a relief for Peter if his other best friend knew his secret. He knew (Y/N) pretty dam well, so he knew that she’d definitely keep his secret, but now didn’t seem like a good time for to reveal it however.

Why didn’t Peter think this through? Why did he have to be so dam impulsive and swing on over to her apartment without thinking about the consequences?

“…Spiderman,” (Y/N)’s voice echoed around him. “Hello?”

Spiderman blinked and realized that (Y/N)’s hand was being waved in front of him. He shook his head and snapped himself back to reality. He was still on (Y/N)’s balcony with no real explanation as to why, while in his suit.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking over the railing and down at the street. “I was just… thinking.”

(Y/N) walked over to him and leaned over railing next to him. “About what?”

Panicking slightly, Spiderman said the first thing that came into his mind. “About how beautiful you look against the setting sun,” he said with surprising confidence. Where the hell did that come from, Peter thought to himself.

Much to his amusement, (Y/N) blushed a rosy red color as she made eye contact with him. “Do you always hit on strangers?” she asked with a slight smile. “But uh… thank you. That’s really nice of you to say.”

That’s when inspiration struck.

Peter couldn’t ask (Y/N) why she kissed him this morning, but he could induce the same stunned, flattered, embarrassment that she had inflicted on him. “I don’t know why you’re blushing sweet cheeks. You probably get complimented on your good looks all the time.”

(Y/N) snorted and smiled at him playfully. “Okay, now you’re just being nice. Don’t act so full of yourself.”

“I’m full of nothing except my complete and utter amazement of your beauty.”

“Are you expecting a huge thank you from me or something?” she asked with a smirk.

There was an unmistakable playful glint in (Y/N)’s eyes, one that Peter had seen before on many occasions. But something was different now. Spiderman found himself drawn to it like a moth to flame, and he couldn’t resist it any longer.

He reached one hand forward and grabbed (Y/N)’s chin while simultaneously lifting his mask up ever so slightly, bringing his lips down to hers. As they kissed for the second time that day, Spiderman felt something stir inside him filled with giddiness and excitement.

As he slowly deepened the kiss from a caste peck to something a little more passionate, Peter could no longer deny the fact that he had a crush on (Y/N). This kiss lacked the aggressiveness and fierceness that (Y/N) had poured into their earlier kiss, but there was something about it that made it so, much, better.

(Y/N)’s arms snaked up his shoulders and wrapped around his neck, drawing him closer to her. Spiderman kept one hand on her cheek and gripped her by the waist with his other arm.

When they broke apart for air, Spiderman gazed at (Y/N)’s dazed expression. Her lips were pink and swollen while and her cheeks matched in color. Mission accomplished.

“That’s all!” he said cheerfully, pulling his mask back down over his lips and chin. He whirled around and immediately took a running jump off of (Y/N)’s balcony and began his journey home.

The window to his bedroom was still open when Peter arrived home. He crawled in stealthily on the ceiling and dropped down onto the floor in a crouching position, looking over at Ned who was sitting on his bed with a blank expression.

“You’d never believe it, but I just got a sense of déjà vu,” Ned said dryly.

Peter chuckled and pressed down on his suit so it loosened around him and slinked off. “Did Aunt May notice I was gone?” he asked taking the mask off of his head.

Ned shook his head. “Nah she’s been cooking dinner. What did she say?”

“What did who say?” Peter asked putting on a t-shirt.

“(Y/N),” Ned said quirking an eyebrow. “What did she say when you asked her about the kiss?”

Peter pulled on a pair of pajama pants and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t ask her about it,” he answered shrugging his shoulders.

“Then what did you say?”

“We didn’t talk much.”

“Then what did you?”

Peter pursed his lips and looked away from Ned, suddenly interested in his history homework which was still sitting on his desk.

“Peter,” Ned drawled out slowly. “What did you do?”

“I- uh- sort of, maybe, kissed her,” Peter answered rubbing the back of his neck.

Ned stared at him blankly. “You kissed (Y/N).”

“Yes.”

“As Spiderman?”

“Yes.”

“Out of revenge?”

“Ye- well when you put like that I’m n-“

“Peter!” Ned burst out suddenly, no longer calm and collected. “Do you realize what you’ve just done?”

Peter looked at his friend confused. “Ned I just kissed her it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean sure it wasn’t my smartest decision ever but…”

Ned groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “Peter, you just kissed (Y/N) as Spiderman only hours after she kissed you. (Y/N). The extremely perceptive girl who pays extreme attention to detail. The girl who’s probably sitting in her room right now, wondering why the hell Spiderman and her best friend Peter Parker kiss the exact same way.”

Peter’s faces went pale when he caught on to what Ned was saying. “Oh my god,” he moaned, rubbing his temples. “Ned. What have I done?”

“You my friend, have done fucked up.”

Tagged:

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#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom Holland fanfiction #tom Holland fic #off #fanfiction #spider-man: homecoming #spiderman: homecoming #spiderman

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kat-feinated · 4 years

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April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Hey friends! How are you hanging in there? This week has been a struggle for me which included lots of crying over seemingly stupid things (i.e. our new bedroom curtains not working in our space) but which I know is really about the stress and isolation we are all grappling with right now. On a positive note, I am still obsessed with the Netflix docuseries “Cheer” despite having no interest in cheerleading or really in sports at all. It took me a while to get on board with Coach Monica but now I want to hang out with her so bad.

Did you know April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month? You might have seen some blue pinwheels on people’s lawns or outside of businesses. Or you may have been inside in quarantine for the last 1 million days so perhaps not.

I thought it might be fun (maybe fun isn’t the best word) to answer some questions I frequently get about child abuse/neglect and give an insider perspective on working in the child welfare field. I think this topic is super interesting, but I completely understand if you want to skip over this post. It’s so funny to me because in grad school I swore that I would never work in child protective services, and yet here I am two years later and I love it so much. There are so many different opinions and stereotypes about CPS so I hope this post gives you a little more knowledge.

What legally counts as child abuse/neglect?

Good question! And I wish this was easier to answer! So many things. Here are some scenarios we commonly see:

-An infant who is born drug-exposed at the hospital

-An infant/toddler who is brought to the hospital with injuries, and the parents’ story does not line up with the child’s injuries

-A parent picks their child up from school and is clearly intoxicated

-A child who tells their neighbor that their father/uncle/cousin/coach/teacher touched them inappropriately

These are just a few examples. You truly see everything in this field from the child who isn’t consistently attending school due to the family’s instability to really extreme cases such as newborn babies who are severely injured by their parents.

Who should report child abuse/neglect?

I think there is a widespread stereotype that only mandated reporters (i.e. teachers, doctors, dentists) need to report concerns of child abuse/neglect. This is not true! Anyone can and should report concerns. It is everyone’s job to prevent child abuse/neglect. I think people worry about “ratting out” their friends and neighbors, but think of it this way-what if you were preventing a child from being seriously injured or killed?

How does someone go about reporting child abuse/neglect?

Where I work (Arapahoe County, Colorado) and live (Denver County), there is both a specific county hotline and a state-wide hotline. You can call either one to make a report. You can decide whether or not to give your name and personal information. Your personal information is kept confidential from the family.

So once I make a report, how does CPS decide whether to assign the case to a social worker?

I can only speak for the county where I work, because it is different around the country, but here is how we operate: twice a day, we hold “red team” (RED stands for something but I can never remember what). This is a group of 4-5 employees from different areas (i.e. intake caseworkers, permanency caseworkers, parenting time workers). Someone reads the report of concern verbatim and we discuss the concerns as a team. We also look into the family’s previous child welfare history, as well as any legal history. Then, we have to decide whether this report meets legal criteria for assignment. This is based off of the Colorado Children’s Code, which is essentially a legal guidebook for child welfare. If we decide that the report meets legal criteria for assignment, then there are two more decisions we have to make. First, which track do we want to assign it to (there are two options, High Risk Assessment and Family Assessment Response) and what should our response time be (immediate, two-day or five-day).

What happens after a report gets assigned for assessment?

If assigned, then an intake caseworker goes to see the child and family. If it is a high risk assessment, then the caseworker needs to see the child outside of the presence of the caretakers, so sometimes they will go talk to the child at school. Sometimes they will go to the family home. The caseworker will assess the concerns using an assessment tool (it’s really just a guide of what to look for/ask about). The caseworker will talk to everyone in the home, see the home environment, and talk to collaterals.

Depending on what’s going on in the home, the caseworker may create a safety plan with the family. This is usually in situations where there is no need to remove the child, but there are some concerns that need to be addressed. An example of this is if the home is very dirty or cluttered. The caseworker and parent will make an agreement that the parent must clean the home by the following Tuesday, which all parties will sign. The caseworker will bring in other supports, for example grandparents, to help hold the parent accountable to the plan. And, the caseworker will be sure to drop in, probably unannounced, to ensure the safety plan is being followed.

Sometimes, the caseworker may need to remove the children. An example of this would be if a parent is clearly intoxicated, refuses to cooperate with the caseworker and there is no safe and sober caregiver in the home. At this point, the caseworker would need to get a verbal removal order from the court. Caseworkers cannot just come into people’s homes and take their children. We know that this is extremely traumatic for both the children and the parents, and that this should only happen if there are true safety concerns that cannot be mitigated.

If the child/children does need to be removed, the caseworker will try to work with the parent to find a kin placement. There is a common belief that kin placements need to be blood relatives, but this is not true. They can be family members but they can also be teachers, neighbors or coaches. They will need to pass a background check and (obviously) be willing and able to care for the child/children.

Sometimes there are no viable kin options, so the child/children have to be placed into a foster home.

What happens after the child is removed?

Parents should be able to visit with their children within a few days of the removal-the sooner the better. This is where my role comes in-I supervise visits for children and parents at the Department while the parents are (hopefully) working towards addressing the safety concerns and achieving reunification with their children. Sometimes I do coaching with the parents, if I feel like they need help with basic parenting skills, such as regulating their emotions during visits or talking to their child/children in an age-appropriate way.

The caseworker will write a treatment plan for the parents, which is adopted by the court. A treatment plan is essentially a list of things the parent needs to achieve/demonstrate in order to be reunified with their child. For instance, if the Department is concerned about a parent’s drug use, they may be asked to take regular drug tests and complete substance abuse treatment. But it’s important to note that it’s not just about checking off a to-do list; the parent needs to demonstrate some insight into the safety concerns and show behavioral change over time.

Where can I learn more?

Books:

-The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls is an incredible memoir about a loving but dysfunctional family. It is a beautiful book about four resilient kids, their alcoholic father and mentally ill mother.

-The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk is a fabulous nonfiction book about the impact of trauma on the brain and body.

-Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison-I actually haven’t read this one yet but I’m dying to. It’s a memoir about one woman’s 13 years as a foster parent. We’re reading it for my next work book club.

Movies/TV:

-”The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez”-I just finished this Netflix docuseries about an 8-year-old boy who was tortured and ultimately killed by his mother and mother’s boyfriend. Although it is difficult to watch at times, it was so well made. It is definitely not a positive view of child protective services (I kept saying “WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT” while watching it), but it does bring to light many of the very real flaws and limitations of the system.

-”Poor Kids”-This Frontline documentary follows three young girls growing up in poverty in the Midwest. Although it’s not directly about child welfare, the two are so intertwined that I think every social worker should watch this.

-”Removed”-This mini film on youtube will give you all the feels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0

#childabuse #childabuseprevention #child neglect #childwelfare #child protective services #socialwork

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joannarachel · 7 years

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Book 1 - Book 13, Chapter 13 = 129 days; Chapter 14 = 1 year

Total: 494 days (about 1 year and 4 months)

With my second read of ASOUE I’ve been trying to determine how many days/months the series covers. I pieced together this timeline based on how much time the Baudelaires spend with each guardian (with approximately 5-7 days between each to account for the time Mr. Poe spends locating a new guardian), and how much time they spend on the run after Book 7.

The number of days beneath the title of each book indicates how many days that book covers. Numbers in italics are approximations, numbers in bold are precise calculations based on the events of the books.

Book 1: 10 days (approximately)

“You’ve only been there a few days.” Mr. Poe

“Friday, the day of the performance, was only a few days off.”

Book 2: 10 days

“In ten days we leave for Peru.” Uncle Monty

Book 3: 7 days

“Hurricane Herman is expected to arrive in town in a week.” Cabdriver

Book 4: 16 days (approximately)

“After a few days of tearing the bark of the trees, the debarkers were put back in their corner.”

“After a few day of sawing, Foreman Flacutono ordered Phil to start up the machine.”

The Baudelaires are at Lucky Smells for three stages of the logging process, each about 5 days.

Book 5: 21 days (approximately)*

“So they were quite distressed on Friday when the Quagmires informed them that Prufrock prep did not have weekends.”

“The Baudelaires could never remember exactly what day it was, so repetitive was their schedule.”

“This made a grand total of nine S.O.R.E. sessions.”

It’s hard to pin down how long the Baudelaires were at Prufrock Prep. My guess is around three weeks (see note at the bottom of this post).

Book 6: 7 days (approximately)

“And, for the Baudelaire orphans, their first few days with the Squalors were one of the most mixed bags they had yet encountered.”

In addition to the first few days they spend with the Squalors, the Baudelaires spend one day searching for Count Olaf in the apartment and then one day at the In Auction.

Book 7: 4 days

“I found [Isadora’s first couplet] today.” Hector (first day)

“Are you forgetting how many chores we have ahead of us today?” Hector (second day)

“We will burn Count Olaf at the stake right after breakfast.” (third day)

“We can’t simply burn people at the stake whenever we want ... How about tomorrow afternoon?” (fourth day)

“I just remembered, it’s my birthday. I’m thirteen today.” Klaus

Book 8: 3 days

“It was night, and after working all day in the Library of Records, the Baudelaire orphans had made themselves as comfortable as they could.” (first day)

“In the morning . . . they walked to the completed half of Heimlich Hospital.” (second day)

“Today is a very important day in the history of the hospital. In precisely one hour, a doctor here will perform the world’s first cranioectomy on a fourteen-year-old girl.” Mattathias (third day)

Book 9: 2 days

“At last the sun rose . . . The three children watched the caravan slowly fill with light.” (first day)

“First thing tomorrow morning, Madame Lulu will consult her crystal ball again, and tell me where the Baudelaires are.” Olaf (second day)

Book 10: 2 days

“In the very early hours of the morning . . . the youngest Baudelaire found herself struggling.” (first day)

“The two white-faced women were standing just outside their tent and stretching in the morning sun.” (second day)

Book 11: 2 days

“Tonight, the only dessert we have is gum.” Phil (first day)

“We have to get back to the Hotel Denouement before Thursday, and it’s Monday already!” Esme (second day)

“I turned fifteen sometime when we were in the grotto, and I forgot all about it.” Violet

Book 12: 2 days

“I wish we had more time to talk, but it’s already Tuesday.” Kit (first day)

“By sunset the hotel and all the other buildings in the city were a distant, far-away blur.” (day two)

Book 13: 7 days (approximately)

“The following morning, the only things the Baudelaires had seen were the quiet, still surface of the sea and the gray gloom in the sky.”

“At the top of the slope was an outrigger . . . which looked nearly finished, as if Decision Day were arriving soon.”

“The days passed, and the Island remained a safe if bland place for the siblings.”

Chapter 14: 1 year

“Because no castaways had arrived in the year, they had little news of the world.”

UPDATE: Thanks, everyone, for all of the lovely responses! I’m just happy to find out that I’m not the only person in the world who finds these things interesting! -@joannarachel

*Some of you have pointed out that, in his letter to the editor at the end of The Miserable Mill, Lemony Snicket says that his manuscript for book 5 describes “the children’s miserable half-semester as a boarding school.” This would put the Baudelaire’s time at Prufrock Prep at somewhere between 5-8 weeks. However, despite this information, I’ve ultimately decided to keep my estimate for the length of The Austere Academy at three weeks for a couple of reasons:

1. At the beginning of the book Nero says, “Our regular gym teacher, Miss Tench, accidentally fell out of a third-story window a few days ago, but we have a replacement, who should arrive shortly.” We know that the Baudelaires spent about ten days at PP after Olaf showed up because he forced them through 9 S.O.R.E. sessions (one each night), plus the session when the Quagmires impersonated the Baudelaire children. If the Baudelaires were at PP a total of around 42 days (about a half semester), that means it took Olaf around 32 days to get there, although he was hired and promised to arrive “shortly” after the Baudelaires were enrolled.

2. There’s already some ambiguity about how much time the term “semester” covers in ASOUE. The Quagmires tell the Baudelaires that they lived in the Orphan Shack for “three semesters;” although, if Quigley’s account (from book ten) of the fire that burned down their home is correct, the Quigley mansion burned down shortly after the events of The Reptile Room, roughly six weeks ago. Either one of the Quagmires is lying (which is possible), or “semesters” in ASOUE are about two weeks long. My point is, there isn’t a lot of consistency about the length of school terms.

If you’d like to see the timeline edited to include a half semester at PP, I’ve uploaded an example here http://tinyurl.com/hdo5pjw.

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