STEDE BONNET / BURN IT DOWN by Daughter

i also didn’t know i experienced childhood trauma until relatively recently. my panic disorder and other mental issues started as soon as i didn’t have to see my abuser (grandfather) anymore but obviously i didn’t know i was experiencing trauma from ages 4-11 so when i tried to look into what could be causing the panic attacks (~13) and particularly dissociation i was really confused and frustrated when it all boiled down to trauma because i didn’t think i had experienced any trauma like i hadn’t almost died or been physically abused. all those times with my grandpa never registered as traumatic to me i just thought he was kinda an asshole. but fast forward a decade and i stumble into therapy again and happen to get a therapist training in trauma reprocessing and EMDR. it took a long time to convince me because i had fully bought into the whole ‘chemical imbalance i was born with a broken brain’ narrative, but eventually we went through enough of my past and brought back some seriously repressed memories and i was able to kind of distance myself from it actually being my childhood and think ‘wow if i saw literally any other child being treated like this i’d at least think it’s fucked up but would probably end up kicking this dudes ass!’. and since that discovery a couple of years ago i’ve continuously remembered more and more little events and things i was told that i internalized that have really put my mental struggles into perspective. i was a poor defenseless kid with existing yet undiagnosed conditions that affect communication and emotional regulation that was being berated, sworn at, guilted, and threatened on a daily basis. of course i couldn’t do anything but try and survive to the next day. of course my brain would develop a maladaptive fear response to those in power over me or even those in close social groups like family is supposed to be. i still struggle daily and i haven’t really gone a day in my life without the ‘just make it to tomorrow’ mentality but reprocessing my childhood definitely helped me put those struggles into perspective and has transformed my everlasting journey towards getting better from one of heavy self-criticism and frustration with inadequacy to a sort of gentle compassionate healing that has allowed much more room for joy and passion over fear and avoidance. thanks for letting me literally trauma dump lol, i do hope some perspective helps though and this at least makes you feel less bad about sharing your story in your tags. stay strong friend :)

God, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad you've been able to process some of it and come out for the better. ❤️ It really does help, knowing someone else out there is having a similar experience of the hit show "I Didn't Know I Was Traumatized." And when you said the thing about being fully bought into the "chemical imbalance broken brain" thing, I absolutely have too, and so have my parents, and they absolutely use it as an excuse. I keep writing out these long paragraphs that basically turn into trauma-dumping, and I'm not gonna bother everyone with that rn, but I guess it comes down to thank you for sharing your situation and letting me know I'm not alone. It's hard and it's weird, the more I think about it, to realize that my parents just. Tried their best, sure, but have fucked up in ways that are pretty much unforgivable to me, because they've wrecked my ability to form relationships, to care for myself, and to feel like I'm a real person who deserves good things. Maybe someday I'll be able to work it out, I dunno. I hope you're doing well, anon! ❤️

Tokyo Revengers and The Major Arcana

0. The Fool-Shuji Hanma

⬆️ beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, free spirit, adventure

⬇️ holding back, recklessness, risk taking, lack of fun, apathy

1. The Magician-Takashi Mitsuya

⬆️ manifestations, resourcefulness, desire , inspired action, influence , skill

⬇️manipulation, poor planning, untapped talents, cunning, deception

2. The High Priestess -Yuzuha Shiba

⬆️ intuition, sacred knowledge, mystery , the subconscious mind, higher power , inner voice

⬇️secrets, disconnected from intuition, withdrawal and silence , hidden motives, repressed feelings

3. The Empress-Senju Kawaragi

⬆️ femininity, beauty, nurturing, abundance , motherhood , creativity, sensuality, fertility

⬇️ dependence, insecurity, overbearing, negligence, lack of growth, infertility

4. The Emperor- Takeomi Akashi

⬆️ authority, establishment, structure, father figure , stability, protection, control, focus

⬇️ domination, excessive control, lack of discipline , tyrant, rigid, stubborn, abuse of power

5. The Hierophant- Ken Ryuguji

⬆️ spiritual wisdom, conformity, traditions, institutions , social group, knowledge, beliefs, commitment

⬇️ rebellion, freedom, challenging the status quo, non conformity, unconventionality, reversed roles

6. The Lovers- Hinata Tachibana

⬆️ love, harmony, relationships, values alignment, major choices, soulmates, kindred spirits

⬇️ conflict, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values, trust issues, detachment, disunion

7. The Chariot- Takemichi Hanagaki

⬆️ overcoming obstacles , willpower, success, action, determination , control, victory, focus

⬇️ lack of direction, lack of self control, obstacles, powerless, forcefulness, agression

8. Strength-Manjiro Sano

⬆️ courage, bravery, confidence,inner strength, overcoming self doubt, compassion

⬇️self doubt, weakness, low confidence, vulnerability, inadequacy, low self esteem, raw emotions, pettiness

9. The Hermit- Kazutora Hanemiya (upright),Izana Kurokawa (reversed)

⬆️soul searching, inner guidance, solitude, self reflection,introspection,contemplation, withdrawal

⬇️loneliness, isolation, recluse, withdrawal, rejection, anti social, returning to society, paranoia

10. The Wheel of Fortune- Emma Sano

⬆️good luck, destiny, change,karma, unexpected events, fate, upheaval, cycles, decisive moments

⬇️bad luck, external forces, unwelcome change, delays, disruption, upheaval, resistance to change, breaking cycles

11. Justice- Seishu Inui

⬆️ consequences, cause and effect, karma, integrity, honesty, legal disputes, law, truth, life lessons

⬇️ injustice, dishonesty, karmic retribution, unfairness, corruption, lack of accountability

12. The Hanged Man- Hakkai Shiba

⬆️feeling trapped, confined, uncertainty, letting go, new perspective, sacrifice, lack of direction, pause

⬇️stagnation, impulsiveness, discontentment, disinterest, stalling, apathy, negative patterns, delays

13. Death- Keisuke Baji

⬆️new beginnings, endings, letting go, transformation, change, transition, sudden or unexpected upheaval

⬇️inability to move forward ,fear of change, resisting change, repeating negative patterns

14. Temperance- Chifuyu Matsuno

⬆️balance, peace, moderation, patience, inner calm, harmony, purpose, perspectives

⬇️imbalance, self indulgence, excess, extremes, hastiness, recklessness

15. The Devil- Tetta Kisaki

⬆️addiction, obsession,materialism, abuse, violence, secrecy, powerlessness, limitations, excess

⬇️independence, revelation, freedom, reasserting control, detachment, reclaiming power, overcoming addiction

16. The Tower-Taiju Shiba

⬆️chaos, destruction, sudden upheaval, trauma, disaster,loss, tragedy,revelations, pain, abuse, violence, broken pride

⬇️averting disaster, avoiding tragedy, delaying the inevitable, resisting change, avoiding loss

17. The Star- Naoto Tachibana

⬆️hope, inspiration, renewal, faith, healing, rejuvenation, positivity, serenity, calm, contentment

⬇️hopelessness, despair, lack of faith, negativity, despondent, lack of inspiration

18. The Moon-Kakucho Hitto

⬆️Illusions,fear,anxiety,intuition,vagueness,misconceptions complexity,subconscious,instability

⬇️releasing fears,unveiling secrets, regaining composure, clarity,truth, subsiding anxiety, self deception

19. The Sun- Shinichiro Sano

⬆️positivity, success, optimism, vitality, joy, happiness, confidence, enthusiasm, fun, warmth

⬇️lack of enthusiasm,sadness, ego, unrealistic expectations, pessimism, blocked happiness, conceitedness, pessimism, oppression

20. Judgement-Haruchiyo Sanzu

⬆️awakening, rebirth, absolution, self evaluation, reflection, reckoning, composure, decisiveness, inner calling

⬇️indecisiveness, self doubt, unfair blame, false accusations, self loathing, lack of self awareness, unwillingness to learn

21. The World-???

⬆️fulfillment, completion, sense of belonging, wholeness, success, achievement

⬇️unsuccessful, lack of closure, feeling incomplete, emptiness, disappointment, stagnation, burden, lack of achievement

Humiliation, negating, criticizing

These tactics are meant to undermine your self-esteem. The abuse is harsh and unrelenting in matters big and small.

Here are some examples:

Name-calling. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser,” or words too awful to repeat here.

Derogatory “pet names.” This is just more name-calling in not-so-subtle disguise. “My little knuckle dragger” or “My chubby pumpkin” aren’t terms of endearment.

Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person.

Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing things.

Patronizing. “Aw, sweetie, I know you try, but this is just beyond your understanding.”

Public embarrassment. They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public.

Dismissiveness. You tell them about something that’s important to you and they say it’s nothing. Body language like eye-rolling, smirking, headshaking, and sighing help convey the same message.

“Joking.” The jokes might have a grain of truth to them or be a complete fabrication. Either way, they make you look foolish.

Sarcasm. Often just a dig in disguise. When you object, they claim to have been teasing and tell you to stop taking everything so seriously.

Insults of your appearance. They tell you, just before you go out, that your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish.

Belittling your accomplishments. Your abuser might tell you that your achievements mean nothing, or they may even claim responsibility for your success. [Ignoring or refusing to celebrate your accomplishments may also be emotionally abusive/neglectful in a close relationship.]

Put-downs of your interests. They might tell you that your hobby is a childish waste of time or you’re out of your league when you play sports. Really, it’s that they’d rather you not participate in activities without them [or they’re jealous of your skill in this or some other area they don’t excel in].

Pushing your buttons. Once your abuser knows about something that annoys you, they’ll bring it up or do it every chance they get.

Control and shame

Trying to make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies is just another path to power. [These abusive behaviors can be harder to recognize in parents than in romantic partners, as parents generally exert some level of healthy control over young children’s lives. The issue is then with the degree of control, the age of the child, and the extent of the trauma caused.]

Tools of the shame and control game include:

Threats. Telling you they’ll take the kids and disappear, or saying “There’s no telling what I might do.” [From parents, threats that they’ll take your belongings or seriously and unjustly punish you]

Monitoring your whereabouts. They want to know where you are all the time and insist that you respond to calls or texts immediately. They might show up just to see if you’re where you’re supposed to be.

Digital spying. They might check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even demand your passwords.

Unilateral decision-making. They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking.

Financial control. They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make you ask for money. You might be expected to account for every penny you spend.

Lecturing. Belaboring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them.

Direct orders. From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary.

Outbursts. You were told to cancel that outing with your friend or put the car in the garage, but didn’t, so now you have to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are.

Treating you like a child. They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you can see.

Feigned helplessness. They may say they don’t know how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it.

Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells.

They walk out. In a social situation, stomping out of the room leaves you holding the bag. At home, it’s a tool to keep the problem unresolved.

Using others. Abusers may tell you that “everybody” thinks you’re crazy or “they all say” you’re wrong.

Accusing, blaming, and denial

This behavior comes from an abuser’s insecurities. They want to create a hierarchy in which they’re at the top and you’re at the bottom.

Here are some examples:

Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them.

Turning the tables. They say you cause their rage and control issues by being such a pain.

Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place. This is called gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your own memory and sanity.

Using guilt. They might say something like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way.

Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it.

Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it.

Accusing you of abuse. They say you’re the one who has anger and control issues and they’re the helpless victim.

Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.

Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up.

Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.

Destroying and denying. They might crack your cell phone screen or “lose” your car keys, then deny it. [They also break your belongings when “in a rage” and “out of control”... and yet prove they ARE in control by never breaking THEIR belongings in similar circumstances.]

Emotional neglect and isolation

Abusers tend to place their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will try to come between you and people who are supportive of you to make you more dependent on them.

They do this by:

Demanding respect. No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street.

Shutting down communication. They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone.

Dehumanizing you. They’ll look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when they speak to you.

Keeping you from socializing. Whenever you have plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or beg you not to go.

Trying to come between you and your family. They’ll tell family members that you don’t want to see them or make excuses why you can’t attend family functions.

Withholding affection. They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something.

Tuning you out. They’ll wave you off, change the subject, or just plain ignore you when you want to talk about your relationship.

Actively working to turn others against you. They’ll tell co-workers, friends, and even your family that you’re unstable and prone to hysterics.

Calling you needy. When you’re really down and out and reach out for support, they’ll tell you you’re too needy or the world can’t stop turning for your little problems.

Interrupting. You’re on the phone or texting and they get in your face to let you know your attention should be on them.

Indifference. They see you hurt or crying and do nothing.

Disputing your feelings. Whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all.

Codependence

A codependent relationship is when everything you do is in reaction to your abuser’s behavior. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any other way. It’s a vicious circle of unhealthy behavior. [It is generally caused by poor boundaries. The good news is that you can LEARN to create healthy boundaries!]

You might be codependent if you:

are unhappy in the relationship, but fear alternatives

consistently neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs

ditch friends and sideline your family to please your partner

frequently seek out your partner’s approval

critique yourself through your abuser’s eyes, ignoring your own instincts

make a lot of sacrifices to please the other person, but it’s not reciprocated

would rather live in the current state of chaos than be alone

bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace

feel responsible and take the blame for something they did

defend your abuser when others point out what’s happening

try to “rescue” them from themselves

feel guilty when you stand up for yourself

think you deserve this treatment

believe that nobody else could ever want to be with you

change your behavior in response to guilt; [for example,] your abuser says, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay

The Milwaukee Cannibal

Timeline of events

1960′s

May 21, 1960: Jeffery Lionel Dahmer was born in Milwaukee’s Evangelical Deaconess Hospital to his parents Lionel and Joyce after a very difficult pregnancy. According to Lionel, Joyce experienced random bouts of paralysis during the pregnancy, and doctors were unable to find any reason for this. To try and treat this and mostly to calm her during, she was given “injections of barbiturates and morphine, which would finally relax her.” She would apparently also be given phenobarbital. 

We know now that the “Use of barbiturates during pregnancy has been associated with a higher incidence of fetal abnormalities. Neonatal barbiturate withdrawal symptoms have been reported in infants whose mothers took barbiturates during pregnancy,” but we don't know for sure if this applied to Jeffrey.

1962: The family made the decision to move to Ames, Iowa in 1962 so that Lionel could work on his Chemistry Ph.D.

1964: After their young son complained of extreme pain, Lionel and Joyce took Jeffrey to the hospital, were he was diagnosed with a brutal double hernia in his scrotum. Even after the surgery corrected the issue, Lionel would claim that this experience was what initially triggered the change in Jeffrey’s personality, apparently making him become much more shy and withdrawn. Psychologists believe that there is a possibility that this could actually have influenced his feelings of sexual inadequacy and insecurity in later life.

November 1966: When Joyce fell pregnant with her second child David, the family decided to move home in an attempt to find the perfect spot to raise their two children. This led to several moved throughout Ohio during the following year. This was not an easy time for the family, Joyce was struggling with another very difficult pregnancy, and young Jeffrey, who was now in the 1st grade, was starting to feel neglected, especially after David was born on December 18th.

Of course feeling neglected when a new baby comes along is a fairly common thing, but unlike most children, Jeffrey would not get over this feeling, instead it would get worse. Lionel describes his son at this time as extremely shy and withdrawn, even going as far as t say that he was terrified of new people and situations.

1968: After the family moved to Bath Ohio, Jeffrey experienced a new and particularly heinous kind of trauma. According to Lionel, Jeffrey was molested by a boy in the neighbourhood, however Jeffrey never once admitted to even remembering this.

It seems likely that Jeffrey repressed this memory, especially since his personality ticks pretty much every box when it comes to the traits that come with childhood memory repression:

Strong reactions to certain places people and situations.

Difficulty controlling emotions.

Difficulty keeping a job.

Struggling with a sense of abandonment.

Immaturity.

Tendency to self sabotage.

Impulsive.

Emotionally exhausted.

Anxiety.

Trouble with anger management.

1970′s

Late 1970: Over the last few years, Joyce had, according to Lionel, been taking drugs in order to try and deal with the extreme anxiety that she was facing on a near daily basis, but they didn't really work, and in the late 1970′s she was actually institutionalised twice for ‘psychiatric problems’. Since the family were so busy trying to take care of Joyce and raise their very young son, Jeffrey reportedly did not have a stabilising influence, or much emotional support.

This combined with the fact that he had grown tired of not fitting in led Jeffrey to build himself a reputation as somewhat of a clown, and a misfit. His behaviour at that time is very similar to that of fellow serial killer and cannibal Arthur Shawcross, he would drink heavily at just 10 years old and was always pulling ‘pranks’. Jeffreys pranks including randomly shouting, bleating like a sheep, and most memorably, faking epileptic fits.

June 4, 1978: By the time that Jeffrey had graduated from high school, his parents were going through a very difficult divorce and due to the fact that he was now legally an adult, he was actually living by himself in the home while his parents and brother lived elsewhere. Jeffrey had less emotional support than ever before and all the freedom in the world.

June 18, 1978: 19 year old Steven Mark Hicks was hitchhiking when Jeffrey drove by him and stopped, suggesting that he come back to his home for a few beers. Hicks agreed and the two went back to the house and began to drink, everything was going fine, until Hicks tried to leave. It is believed that Jeffreys crippling fears of abandonment kicked in and he flipped. He grabbed a barbell and began to club and then strangle Hicks with the weapon. According to Dahmer, over the next few weeks (!) Jeffrey stripped the flesh from the bones using acid (like he apparently had to a whole host of animals previously) smashed the bones and disposed of the remains in his back yard.

Dahmer would later claim that he had killed Hicks because he didn't wat him to leave. This reasoning would later be corroborated by at least one survivor of Jeffreys attack, claiming that Jeffreys entire personality changed when he mentioned wanting to leave. This reasoning isn't difficult to believe when you consider the lack of parental support, tendency to move, and I believe most noticeably his memory repression

After his high school graduation Dahmer enrolled in Ohio State University but he stayed only one term before dropping out.

December 24, 1978: Lionel remarried.

December 29, 1978: Jeffrey was trained as an army medic and shipped of to Baumholder Germany. This happened not long after the Vietnam war, and morale and discipline was at an all time low within the armed forces at the time, and drug and alcohol abuse amongst the soldiers was rife.

Dahmer’s reputation changed once he joined the army, he was no longer known as a clown an a prankster, but as an aggressive drunk. 

(Interesting side note, after his arrest police actually looked into murders in the area were he was stationed to see if he was active while he was there, and there did appear to be a serial killer in Baumholder at the time, but it is not believed to be Jeffrey since it was young women being killed, and as far as is known, Jeffrey only killed men.)

1980′s

March 26, 1981: When Jeffreys drinking reached the level were he was no longer able to do his job, he was discharged from the army and sent back to the US. When he got back, he slept on the beach in Florida for a few months before returning to Ohio.

October 7, 1981: Dahmer was arrested for a drunk and disorderly and resisting arrest and paid a small fine. 

August 7, 1982: Dahmer was arrested again for another drunk and disorderly. He dropped his pants in public. By this point in his life Jeffrey had moved in with his grandma, who was apparently the only person in his family who actually showed Jeffrey any affection.

September 8, 1986: By this time, Jeffrey had gone off the rails, and was getting himself into trouble pretty often. He was arrested once again for exposing himself to a group of children in Milwaukee. There are two different accounts of what happened at that time, (he was either urinating or masturbating).

Dahmer was also now frequenting gay bars and bath houses often, and actually got himself banned from one bath house, for drugging at least 4 men. No official charges were filed against him, but one of his victims was hospitalised for about a week.

September 15, 1987: According to Jeffrey, he woke up in a hotel room to find the dead body of 24 year old Steven W. Tuomi. He transported the corpse to his grandmothers home in a large suitcase, disposing of the body pretty much as he had Steven Hicks.

Nine years passed between the murders of Hicks and Tuomi, which is pretty unusual for a serial killer to do. He spent years before this second murder working his way up to it, learning how to pick up men, how to drug them, and how much. We still don't know for sure whether or not Jeffrey actually remembers the murder or not. It is possible that he was just too drunk to remember, or that, like he had for earlier trauma, he repressed the memory. I personally find it like likely that the latter is true to be honest, as it seems strange to me that he would admit to all his other crimes and not this one. Also, Jeffrey would later say that he didn't actually enjoy the killings, and that there were a necessary evil in order for him to get the bodies.

January 1988: Jeffrey offered 14 year old James Doxtator some money if he agreed to pose nude for some photos. After James agreed Jeffrey took the teenager back to his grandmothers house. After raping James (Dahmer described it as sex but James was still a child so it was actually rape) Dahmer drugged and then strangled the boy. By now his method of disposal, acid and crushing bones was well practiced.

March 24, 1988: 25 year old Richard Guerrero also came back to Jeffreys grandmothers house, once again for nude photos, and once again after sex, he drugged and strangled the young man.

September 25, 1988: Jeffrey finally moved into his own place, which is where the pace of his crimes really picked up, since he no longer felt he needed to be careful, he once again had all the freedom that he wanted.

Once he moved in, he met a 13 year old boy, who was once again offered money to pose nude for him. Jeffrey drugged the boy sing coffee and fondled him, but luckily the young boy escaped.

January 1989: Jeffrey was arrested and this time charged with 2nd degree sexual assault and enticing a child for immoral purposes.

March 25: Dahmer met Anthony Sears, 24, at a club, and like he had previously he drugged and murdered him after sex. After Dahmers arrest, Sear’s skull was recovered from Dahmer’s apartment. He had painted the skull.

May 23rd: Jeffrey was sentenced to 5 years and three years, for his attack on that 13 year old boy, but he only served 10 months before he was out on a probationary period of 5 years.

1990

May 29: Dahmer met 33 year old Ricky Beeks at a club, and used his usual MO of bribing, drugging and strangling. However this time Jeffrey had sex after he was dead, instead of before. Once again, Jeffrey had painted the mans skull, which was recovered after his arrest.

June 1990: 28 year old Edward W Smith was killed in the same way as Dahmer's previous victims, but this time Dahmer did one thing different. Jeffrey took photos of the dismemberment process.

September 2: Something changed before the murder of 24 year old Ernest Miller, causing Jeffrey to be even more gruesome than he had been previously. Instead of drugging and strangling Ernest like he had his previous victims, he drugged him and cut his throat. Once again taking pictures of the body, Jeffrey dismembered the body, putting the biceps in the freezer, and once again painting his skull.

September 24: David C Thomas was the first time that Jeffrey killed somebody without sex being involved.  It is believed that David wanted to leave before having sex with Dahmer, since Dahmer was known to kill his victims in order to make sure that they couldn't leave.

1991

March 7: Curtis Straughter was 18 years old when he was murdered, with Jeffrey this time using a different sequence of events. Previously he had had sex with his victims then drugged and killed them, and at least once he had drugged and killed them and then had sex, but this time he drugged Curtis before raping and murdering him. It is likely that this change was due to the fact that Jeffreys last victim had wanted to leave prior to sex.

April 7: Errol Lindsey, 19, last seen alive. Dahmer met him on the street and offered him money to come home with him. He drugged Lindsey, strangled him and had sex with the body. The unpainted skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment.          

May 17: 14 year old Konerak Sinthasomphone was pickes up by Dahmer outside of the mall, he went with Jeffrey under the promise of money for nude pictures. After drugging the boy Jeffrey apparently felt pretty comfortable, ince he left the home to go out for a beer. The boy managed to escape, naked, and the neighbours called the police. Somehow however Jeffrey managed to convince the police that responded that he and the teenager were simply lovers who had had a fight (I don't know how they could be so stupid, this is a drugged child and a 30 year old with a pretty lengthy criminal record, including the sexual assault of a minor?! Like how do you just let that be?!) and the police actually RETURNED the poor boy to the sick serial killer. Dahmer strangled the 14 year old as soon as the police were gone, had sex with the body and then took pictures like he had previously. Konerak’s skull was also recovered from the apartment. 

Once people actually discovered what had happened the officers involved received mild disciplinary action (which is nowhere near enough) and the department was sued.

May 24: Deaf and mute 31 year old Tony Hughes had reportedly known Dahmer for about 2 years when Dahmer, by writing on paper, offered the man $50 to come and pose nude for him. Hughes was drugged and murdered without sex. Once again Hughes skull was found in Jeffreys apartment.

June 30: Matt turner was killed by Jeffrey after a gay pride parade. After cutting the body up the head was put in the freezer and the rest was put into a barrel of acid.

July 6: 23 year old Jeremiah Weinberger travelled with Dahmer from Chicago to Milwaukee where he then stayed overnight. Like the previous cases, everything was fine until Jeremiah decided that he wanted to leave, at which point Dahmer drugged, killed and disposed of the young mans body. 

July 15: Jeffrey was fired from the Ambrosia Chocolate Co. for bad attendance. 

On this same day Oliver Lacy, 23, was killed by Dahmer. Jeffrey had sex with the body before dismembering it, at which point he put his head In the fridge and heart in the freezer “to eat later”.

July 16: Joseph Bradehoft, 25, met Jeffrey at a bus stop, where Dahmer offered him money to pose for nude pictures. After sex, Dahmer drugged him and strangled him with a strap. He dismembered the body and, as before, put the head in the freezer and the body in the acid barrel.

July 22, 1991: Shortly after midnight, Tracy Edwards, 32, escaped from Dahmer with one hand in a handcuff and flagged down a police car. He lead the cops back to Dahmer's apartment. They found photos of dismembered victims and body parts in the refrigerator and freezer. Shortly, the sight of crews in biohazard protection suits taking evidence out of Dahmer's apartment was televised all over the world. The suits were necessary because of the smell of decay in the apartment and because of the acid in the          barrel.

Caught red-handed, with overwhelming physical evidence against him, it's not surprising that Jeffrey confessed. His dry, unemotional descriptions of murdering a dozen and a half young men belied the reality of brutality and sadism that was revealed in Tracy Edwards' testimony.

It's possible that the sameness of the descriptions (Offers of money to pose, drugs to knock them out) was not entirely accurate. Tracy Edwards claimed he was not offered money, that he only went to Dahmer's apartment for some beers before going out again. He may have been covering up his own indiscretion, or Dahmer may have lied about the ways he lured people back to his         apartment in order to make them seem less like innocent victims.          

Edwards was drugged, but did not lose consciousness. This raises the possibility that the sedatives Dahmer gave victims were intended only to weaken them, while leaving them aware of what was being done to them. Dahmer had certainly had enough practice by then to have a good idea what dose was needed to knock a man out. Dahmer may have enjoyed taunting the victims about their fate and killing them, slowly, much more than he let on later.          

Dahmer also claimed that he needed to drink heavily in order to be able to face killing people, but we know that he was a hard-core alcoholic for much of his life. For him, making excuses for drinking was normal and can not be regarded as      likely to be honest.

1992

January 14: Dahmer entered a plea of guilty but insane in 15 of the 17 murders he claimed to have committed.

February 15: By 10-2 majority vote, a jury found Dahmer to be sane in each murder. Testimony from defense and prosecution experts took weeks and was extremely gruesome. One expert testified that Dahmer periodically removed body parts of his victims from the freezer and ate them. Another testified that this was a lie Dahmer told to make himself seem insane. The jury deliberated slightly more than ten hours.

February 17: Dahmer was sentenced to 15 consecutive life terms. At the sentencing, Dahmer read a prepared statement in which he expressed sorrow for the pain he had caused.

"I knew I was sick or evil or both. Now I believe I was sick. The doctors have told me about my sickness and now I have some peace. I know now how much harm I have caused. I tried to do the best I could after the arrest to make amends."

"I now know I will be in prison the rest of my life. I know that I will have to turn to God to help me get through each day. I should have stayed with God. I tried and failed and created a holocaust. Thank God there will be no more harm that I can do. I believe that only the Lord Jesus Christ can save me from my sins."

He later pled guilty to aggravated murder in Ohio, in the death of his first victim, Steven Hicks. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

November 28, 1994: Dahmer murdered in prison. Dahmer and two other inmates were assigned to clean the staff bathroom of the Columbia Correctional Institute gymnasium in Portage, Wisconsin. Guards left them alone to do their work for about twenty minutes, starting at around 7:50 a.m. When Dahmer was discovered, he was unconscious and his head and face were bloody. He died on the way to the hospital from multiple skull fractures and brain trauma.                  

A bloody broom handle was found near Dahmer, but a broom is probably not sturdy enough to inflict the damage that killed him. Reports in December indicated that he was struck with a steel bar stolen from the prison weight room.  

One of the other two inmates in the area with Dahmer was also attacked. Jesse Anderson, 37, was pronounced dead in the hospital at 10:04 a.m. on November 30. Anderson was convicted of stabbing and beating his wife to death in 1992. He was serving a life term.                        

The third inmate in the work party is twenty-five-year-old Christopher Scarver, a convicted murderer reportedly taking anti-psychotic medication. Scarver murdered a coworker when he was angry at his boss. The boss got away. Scarver claimed his boss was a racist and there has been speculation that Scarver, who is black, wanted revenge for the wrongs Dahmer and Anderson (both white) had done to black people. The majority of Dahmer's victims were black. Anderson tried to blame two fictitious black men for murdering his wife during a mugging. It's been pointed out that a desire for publicity or status may have also been a motive.                        

Dahmer was attacked the previous July, also. A convicted drug dealer tried to cut his throat with a razor blade attached to a toothbrush handle, making a crude straight razor, but the weapon fell apart. Dahmer, received minimal injuries.         

Scarver is said to have delusions that he is Christ. He has been in psychiatrict observation and treatment several times, with diagnoses of bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. He was found guilty of the murder, though, and sent to prison. A jury apparently did not believe he was insane.

Inner child healing: 5 surprisingly powerful exercises The “inner child” is one of those concepts that is used regularly yet is a little confusing to think about. It’s referred to in different ways, ranging from “the child archetype”, to “the child within”, to “the wonder child” to the “wounded child.” Yet what does it mean? And how does “inner child healing” help you make positive changes in your life? A few days ago I did an incredible masterclass hypnotherapy session with Marisa Peer (it’s online and free – you can do it too by clicking here). In the session, Marisa takes us back to childhood in order to clear any traumatic experiences we had that have resulted in a fear of rejection. The hypnotherapy session was so powerful that I decided to investigate the concept of the “inner child”. In this article, I’ll break down what it means and will share 5 surprisingly powerful exercises to heal your wounded “inner child”. The term “inner child” doesn’t refer to the part of your brain that is reserved for having childish thoughts! Rather, the inner child exists as the childlike aspect within your unconscious mind. It reflects the child we once were, in both her “positive” and “negative” aspects. Our unmet needs and suppressed childhood emotions, as well as our childlike innocence, natural enthusiasm, and creativity, are all waiting within us. The repressed emotions refer to all of the things you were taught as a child not to feel if you wanted to receive love. The result: you were only offered attention when you obeyed. It’s almost inevitable that this happens when parents, education, and society impose rules and standards to help socialize us into becoming functioning human beings. In fact, it’s good that this happens. Constraints are required in order to understand boundaries and grow as human beings. However, the result is that the inner child within you still holds onto the sadness, anger, and trauma that resulted from feeling rejected. Simple examples of things we learn from our upbringing that result in feelings of rejection are as follows: “You’d better not say what you really think”, “Don’t try to get that promotion because you aren’t smart enough”, “You need to make your parents happy.” Connecting with the inner child focuses on bringing these feelings to the light of your consciousness so that you can find the root causes of the challenges you’re facing as an adult. Below we’ll share the 5 surprisingly powerful ways to heal your wounded inner child. But first, a quick note about Carl Jung, the originator of the term. Carl Jung was a renowned psychology expert who founded many theories about personality, identity, and analytical psychology. His work has been studied the world over, and today, many of his theories and suggestions for improving one’s life are still used widely. Jung is reported to have originated the term “inner child” with the “divine child archetype”. It’s used as a concept to explore our challenges growing up and developing our personalities. In this sense, the “inner child” stays within us, forming a part of our consciousness as images. This has an impact on how we interact with the outside world. Read more about Carl Jung here. The “inner child” is an autonomous and hidden form deep within. It’s transformed when given expression. How to recognize if you have a wounded inner child How do you know if your past trauma is affecting you deeply right now? Is it connected to your inner child? These are some signs that you may have a wounded inner child: You feel that there is something wrong with you, in the deepest parts of yourself. You experience anxiety when going out of your comfort zone. You don’t have a strong sense of identity. You deliberately like being in conflict with people around you. You’re a hoarder of things, emotions, people, and you have a hard time letting go. You feel inadequate as a man or a woman. You constantly criticize yourself for your supposed inadequacy. You’re unforgiving to yourself, rigid and a perfectionist. You have a hard time committing and trusting. You have deep abandonment issues and would cling to relationships, even when they are toxic. There are many more signs that your inner child may be wounded. Truthfully, all of us, no matter how small or insignificant, have traumas from our past that need addressing. What is inner child healing? Inner child healing, or inner child work, is an essential part of inner work, the psycho-therapeutic or spiritual process of changing yourself to become the person you know you can be. On its own, inner child healing reconnects us to the wounded elements of our inner child within. According to prominent psychospiritual counselor and mentor, Mateo Sol: “Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; it contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity and playfulness.” This reconnection allows you to access the fragmented parts of yourself so that you can discover the root of your phobias, fears, insecurities, and self-sabotaging inclinations. Instead of simply finding and looking at the symptoms of your pain, inner child healing will help you go right to the core and reveal when your issues began, and deal with it effectively. How to heal your wounded inner child Deep within us resides the memories of the experiences we had as children. These memories continue to live and interact with the present. Our inner child is the source of our vitality and creativity, and developing a relationship with our inner child helps to heal emotional problems that result from not honoring this part of ourselves in our adult lives. There are many pressures in our adult lives that threaten to extinguish the flame of our inner child that lives within. You can fight back against these pressures by connecting with your childhood source. Here are 5 ways to immediately connect with your inner child. 1. Reconnect with your childhood: One way to do this is to “time travel” back to your childhood. You can do this by making a list of things that brought you joy when you were young. Spend some time daydreaming and reliving these memories as though they were happening today. 2. Identify your specific inner child: According to WikiHow, there are patterns of childhood that are common to most people. See which patterns resonate with you in order to see what is coming up in your life today. Here are the examples they cite: The abandoned child: This inner child often emerges from not getting enough attention from parents. It can be relatively innocent, such as parents being too busy, or it can be more severe, coming from abuse or neglect. The playful child: This child is healthy and often neglected in adulthood. Do you remember when you were feeling playful and spontaneous, having fun without guilt or anxiety? The fearful child: This child received a lot of criticism and regularly experiences anxiety when not getting enough affirmation. 3. Write a letter to your inner child: You can do this in the form of an apology if you feel you’re living a life that doesn’t honor your inner child. Or you could write a simple letter explaining that you wish to build a stronger relationship with your inner child in your life today. 4. Pay attention to your feelings: Your inner child is sensitive and vulnerable. It’s important to pay attention to your inner child’s fears and insecurities as well as the joys and feelings of wonder that often come up when connecting with your inner child. Throughout the day, check-in with yourself and ask, “how am I feeling right now?” 5. Be mindful of your inner critic: One of the biggest challenges I faced in spending time with my inner child was feeling like a fool for doing so. I’m an adult now and it felt silly to try and connect with the feelings I was having when I was a child. This was my inner critic speaking. It’s important to listen to this voice, at the same time as listening to the voice of your inner child. All of these voices deserve to be heard, and by listening to them you’ll give them the space to shape how you’re feeling today. What do you think of these ways to connect with your inner child? Can you think of any other methods that have been useful to you? Let us know in the comments below. Going through a guided meditation journey for inner child healing “Caring for your inner child has a powerful and surprisingly quick result: Do it and the child heals.” – Martha Beck Right now, meditation is highly researched in the fields of neuroscience and psychology. There are even studies that suggest that mindfulness meditation might be changing brain activity in areas linked with emotions. So it’s no surprise that many therapists and psychologists use meditation journey for inner child healing. If you are a beginner in meditation, it might be hard for you to sit with your thoughts or to empty your mind of distractions. I suggest you enroll in some classes or begin practicing meditation yourself before you start guided meditation child work. Meditation takes a lot of practice. It requires you to be honest yet kind to yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. The process of “witnessing your thoughts” can be a particularly difficult technique. However, you can start by doing the easiest and most common approach to meditation – by focusing on the breath. If you’re already experienced in meditation, you can perform this meditation journey provided by Mateo Sol: Breathe deeply and relax. Allow yourself to witness your thoughts. Ask your question. Example: “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?” Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you. Remember to be patient, loving and accepting. If your inner child doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready. This process may take a couple of minutes to an hour. You can also do this meditation repeatedly until your inner child starts showing you some answers. If you are a beginner at meditation and would like a simple way to get started, check out my article: Alan Watts taught me the “trick” to meditation (and how most of us get it wrong). Using hypnotherapy to build a relationship with your inner child At the beginning of this article, I mentioned a free masterclass hypnotherapy session by Marisa Peer. Taking this class inspired me to research the concept of the inner child and make this information more widely available through Ideapod. There’s a good reason to use hypnotherapy to create a deeper connection with your inner child. Here’s what Mindworks says: “Inner child hypnosis uses a variety of tools and techniques to access, communicate with, calm, and heal a client’s inner child. Hypnotherapy to heal the inner child can create positive changes in the adult who seeks greater self-worth and self-acceptance. It can help them to overcome self-sabotaging behavior that their inner child learned in order to cope with dysfunctionality. But to achieve these goals requires the full cooperation of the client who must really want to heal and make the changes, must believe that they can heal and make positive changes, and must be open to using the tools and techniques provided.”

When Bruce becomes the Hulk, he can easily express his sentiments. But his normal form is the exact opposite, mainly because of his withdrawn and reticent demeanour, and because he represses certain emotions. He also suffers from alexithymia, a condition where someone has trouble identifying and communicating their emotions.

This post delves into the emotional deficits of Bruce’s normal form, how they occurred, and how they relate to the Hulk. It also explains how he still manages to express emotions on a regular basis.

I. Origins.

Before we can thoroughly examine Bruce’s emotional quirks, we need to assess the conditions in which they were created. This is simple enough to do. Bruce didn’t have the quintessential childhood that someone would remember in fondness; instead, it was filled with physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his father, Brian. From the moment that Bruce was born, Brian had convinced himself that his son was something of an aberration, and this eventually caused trouble. When Bruce was celebrating his fourth Christmas Eve, Brian finally voiced his opinions about him and attempted to beat him. The confrontation eventually ended, but the abuse continued for many years thereafter, ultimately becoming a pattern. Brian would turn on Bruce whenever possible, and while some of the occasions were nonviolent, he never failed to demean and lambaste him in some way. This caused Bruce to feel hurt and attacked. These encounters bore immense sadness in him as well; a feeling of inadequacy and hopelessness where he feared he would never earn Brian’s affections. And this was something he desperately wanted but couldn’t achieve, because Brian turned his nose up whenever he expressed intelligence, and refused to spend time with him. Brian also prevented his mother from spending time with him, to the point where she was never around.

It was difficult for him to live with this invalidation and the resulting emotions, especially because it came from someone who was supposed to raise him, and because it seemed to be happening ceaselessly. Because of this, it wasn’t long before these emotions started to smother themselves with anger. This was not an unusual occurrence for someone in his situation — it is human nature to seek out fulfilling emotions and validation through positive reinforcement. This is why, when someone has the choice between feeling hurt and anger, they’ll reflexively choose anger, oftentimes so immediately that the person’s true response to the situation becomes indiscernible to them, to the point where they cannot believe their response involved anything but that anger. This happens because of innate psychological preferences. Emotions like hurt and sadness come with the unwanted implications of fear, weakness, and vulnerability, whereas anger provides the sensation of strength and power, and a feeling of control over the situation. It allows the individual to attain a psychological advantage over the offending stimuli, become indirectly validated, and recover emotional ground.

This is what Bruce needed.

Hence, for a short time, anger became an essential part of Bruce’s childhood. It couldn’t prevent Brian’s physical abuse, but it did become a means of minimizing his emotional abuse. Bruce would often mutter phrases like, “I don’t care about him anyways”, and “he isn’t worth it”, even though underneath all this anger, he still desired his father’s affections and love. This mindset lessened the severity of the abuse and kept Bruce from becoming too affected by it. It has even been addressed in canon. In The Incredible Hulk #13, writer Paul Jenkins commentates on the inclination to hide undesirable emotions beneath more empowering ones:

Five thousand days and nights, you must have spent up in that room. Mommy and daddy would go off to some event or other, and you’d watch them leave with murder in your heart. "Go away," you’d scream inside. "Leave me alone. Go away." But what you really meant was, "come back."

But despite these benefits, the constant anger was exhausting for Bruce.

He needed something more.

In consequence, Bruce developed a coping mechanism where he stopped processing powerful emotions in his conscious mind. Instead, he removed them from his awareness and repressed them deep in the unconscious. Whereas other children learned to share their emotions with others and exorcise them, Bruce learned to stifle himself. He learned to numb himself out and shoehorn his more powerful emotions into the back of his mind. It allowed them to remain innocuous, preserving the integrity of his mental state and keeping him sane. The repressions also impacted his sense of happiness and joy — this occurred because it made Bruce less outspoken and more subdued, reducing the possibility that he would accidentally provoke Brian.

Because these repressions began in Bruce’s childhood, they became more than a mere means of numbing out — they became his default manner of functioning in his adulthood. Just like how someone learns to write the alphabet in their own way, and they continue the procedure throughout their life, Bruce learned how to survive in his own way. It’s become as natural to him as breathing, and he lacks the perspective to understand it isn’t normal.

II. Effects of Emotional Repression.

Because he represses his emotions, Bruce has trouble knowing whether he’s happy, sad, angry, and everything in between, unless the emotions are extremely palpable and prominent enough to override their repression. This is analogous to a pot that’s filled with water and closed with a lid. When someone heats up this pot, the water inside will slowly evaporate and build up pressure, until the pressure finally dislodges the lid and allows the steam to escape. But before it happens, the person can hear the water bubbling, and they can feel the ambient heat from the pot. However, Bruce is different in the sense that he’s unable to hear the water bubbling or feel the heat — he will only realize the water is boiling once the lid has actually dislodged. This means that while he does have some awareness of his emotions, it is very dull, and they often blend together in a muddy mix of emotional pig slop unless they become palpable enough. Because of this, Banner’s most common emotional state is one of casual numbness, where he feels present in a situation and at peace, but there’s no tangible positive emotion that would make him smile instinctively, and no negative emotion that would make him sulk or frown. This numbness doesn’t necessarily feel “bad” or “off” to him — it just is.

Even though Bruce cannot feel emotions normally, he’s still aware of which moments should make him feel happy, sad, or angry. During pleasurable moments, for example, he might offer a small smile that indicates happiness. He might lower his head if he’s in a sad situation. But this also means it’s more common for him to force smiles, and other outward indications of emotion, than create them naturally. An exception is amusement, which he’ll derive more from an intellectual fake-out than an emotional one. If the doctor’s amused by something or someone, such as the moment Tony Stark zapped him on the helicarrier, he will smile instinctively.

Bruce is also prone to sudden waves of emotion. Sometimes there are moments when his repressions stop, and his emotions escape from the unconscious part of himself. This could be considered healthy, because he’s releasing emotions that he’s carried for a long time — however, he’s inexperienced with managing these emotions in a healthy manner, because he never learned how as a child. Because of it, his reactions can be excessive and inappropriate. He’s yelled at people, slammed doors, and thrown objects in anger.

III. Effects of Alexithymia.

Alexithymia: The subclinical inability to identify, and describe, emotions experienced by oneself or others. It often involves a marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. Individuals with alexithymia typically have trouble distinguishing between emotions and bodily sensations, and engage in logical, externally-oriented thought.

Bruce suffers from alexithymia because he doesn’t have much experience showing and verbally explaining his emotions. He never had the chance to develop his emotional literacy. In consequence, he cannot articulate what he’s feeling most of the time. When he does express himself, he will do it in a technical manner, using quantifiable terms that never mention the emotions themselves. He seldom mentions fear, sadness, happiness, and all the rest by name.

          "It’s been a while since I felt... Light, about anything."           "I got low. I didn’t see an end."

He could also deflect completely, commenting on his surroundings instead of his inner processes. He’ll use words like “this is” instead of “I am”, the latter of which would address how he, himself, is experiencing the moment.

          "Well, this all seems... Horrible."

IV. I'm Always Angry / How the Hulk Factors In.

During the Chitauri invasion, Bruce mentioned to his teammates that he was “always angry”. If someone was familiar with his emotional repressions, they would assume this statement was unsound, because he couldn’t possibly be angry all the time if he always repressed it. However, Bruce was not referring to his normal form. While his normal form has successfully repressed his emotions, the creation of the Hulk overthrew this in a very unusual sense. The radiation in his brain created a second layer in his psyche, which can bypass his emotional repressions and allow him to read the raw, unfiltered emotions that he would feel in Hulk form. Anger comes into play because the Hulk is rudimentary and is focused on survival, which — given Bruce’s childhood — he’s learned can be best attained with anger. Furthermore, anger is the most common emotion that he feels on this second layer.

In that manner, Bruce is indeed “always angry”.

This is why Bruce could express anger, which he was supposed to be repressing, after the Harlem incident and during his work in Bella Coola. It’s not that he suddenly stopped repressing his anger — he was simply tapping into sentiments that his condition had been emanating from within. This allowed him to use his condition as a tool to bypass some of the barriers that his normal mind had created, and access the purest, most unadulterated emotions he could feel. When we look back on his initial meeting with Natasha Romanoff in Kolkata, it’s clear that he was channeling anger directly from his condition — it would be difficult for him, as a man, to summon that much anger himself. This happened during his argument with Natasha on the helicarrier as well. By extension, he can guesstimate what he’s feeling in a particular situation by looking inward and paying careful attention to his condition. After all, the Hulk’s response to a situation is usually considered Bruce’s most genuine and accurate reaction.

Granted, there are downsides to this. Bruce can have trouble sensing emotions other than anger from his condition. Additionally, he could be in a situation that isn’t necessarily bothersome, but still feel anger emanating from the Hulk. The discrepancies can confuse him, and he usually needs to take a moment and determine the reasons behind them. In most cases, they’re simply because Bruce’s normal form is able to rationally address the situation as safe, but his Hulk form cannot, and this bleeds through into his conscious mind.

V. Therapy.

In most verses, Bruce is unaware of his alexithymia. Because his emotions are intimately linked to his condition, it is also difficult for him to open up and discuss them with someone else. Because of it, he hasn’t sought professional assistance to ameliorate his emotional deficiencies, aside from one venture in 2015 — at this time, he spent five months talking to someone about his PTSD. The sessions were limited in usefulness, because Bruce didn’t disclose his connection to the Hulk, and the Hulk was responsible for many traumas that contributed to the PTSD.

Despite his hesitation about therapy, Bruce has numerous opportunities to learn more about himself and improve his emotional capacity. Because his emotions are much more pronounced and readily accessible when he’s the Hulk, he can use this to his advantage. The drawback is that he doesn’t like being seen as vulnerable while in Hulk form, so he’d have trouble expressing what he’s truly feeling without growing defensive and angry. This would have to be nipped in the bud before progress can be made — unless he’s speaking with someone he deeply trusts, like Betty Ross.

VI. The Hulk as a Measuring Stick.

The overall measure of Bruce’s mental and emotional health shouldn’t be determined based on his behaviour in his normal form. Instead, it must be determined by how Bruce behaves in Hulk form. After all, he could make progress and supposedly recover from his traumas and repressions — but once he transforms, the Hulk may not have changed at all. This is because the recovery process doesn’t merely involve intellectual improvements; it also involves someone’s emotional processes, which usually take much longer to heal. In consequence, the Hulk will take longer to show the same improvements as his normal form. This also means...

Just because Bruce trusts someone in his normal form, it doesn’t mean he’ll trust them in his Hulk form.

But if he trusts them as the Hulk, he’ll trust them in his normal form, too.

Additionally, if Bruce makes improvements with his repressions and he becomes more capable of expressing himself, all the emotions he’s amassed over the years will gradually lessen. This means there’ll be less repressed emotions trying to burst forth when he’s the Hulk, and he’ll be more content overall.

Disclaimer: The content in this post is unique to this adaptation of Bruce Banner. Feel free to like, but please don’t reblog without permission.

sofiasundari

YOUR SEXUALITY IS YOUR MAGIC KEY You can do as much personal development and even deep spiritual work as you like, but as long as you are hiding from your own sexual shame, traumas and insecurities you are going to be trapped. I’ve worked with people who have spent years and years getting very real about all the loopholes in their psyche, establishing deep connection with their higher Self, practicing potent rituals, experiencing states of higher consciousness... but never dared they look at their sexual inadequacy, their issues with lack of orgasms, numbness, pain during intercourse, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, obsession with fantasy, pornography and intense stimulation. When I say that I help people discover the profound beauty contained in their natural eroticism, that a big part of my work has to do with sexual awakening and empowerment I normally get one of two responses: 1. People ask some polite questions like how did I get into it, how long have I been practicing it (excellent way to avoid asking what you actually want to ask), then move on to another subject. I can feel their breath getting a bit more shallow though. 2. Or they noticeably slow down, turn their body towards me and say that they’ve been feeling that that’s the area they need to focus on. You may like it on not, but there is no escape from our essence as erotic and sexual beings. If you are just at peace with it - good for you. Most people are not though. They are either repressing their sexuality or are controlled by it. Most people cannot even speak about sex without blushing. ✨Some signs of repression: - Judging those who show signs of being sexually open, - Hardly ever pleasuring yourself, - Thinking that your sexuality is about how sexy or attractive you feel, - Thinking that your sexuality is for a partner to enjoy, - Feeling uncomfortable talking about sex and even reading this, - Not ever making sounds when you make love, - Experiencing only one form of orgasm or never orgasming at all, - Being chronically financially broke, (I mean it) - Difficulty with self expression, - Orgasm only when you fantasize, - Low libido, (Continued in comments)

sofiasundari

- Disconnection from your desires and your drive in life, - Feeling uncomfortable around emotional people, - Feeling uncomfortable in wild nature. Signs that you are controlled by your sexuality: - Inability to let go of a dysfunctional or an abusive relationship because “the sex is so good”, - Watching porn frequently, - Thinking about sex all the time, - Every time you feel aroused you want to bring yourself to a peak orgasmic experience, - A history of cheating and not being able to commit in relationships, - Receiving complaints from other people that they were hurt by your sexual behavior or that their boundaries were crossed, - Feeling shame or guilt around anything you have ever done sexually, - A history of STIs, UTIs, thrush. All this is just from the top of my head. ❤️Sexual energy is the core energy of our being. There is no place to escape from it! We need to go in, get real, nourish our roots and rise.❤️ If you are done with all of that, and are really determined to make big shifts in your life - I’d love to work with you. I love to work with men and women who are willing to go deep. ❤️Liberation into Orgasm Immersion is taking place in Amsterdam, June 21-24. ❤️ During Liberation into Orgasm Immersion we are going to be regaining the natural orgasmicness of our body. As well as: * re-activating our natural capacity to heal ourselves using our own energy * re-sensitizing the body * opening the energy in the body for more intense, full body orgasms * releasing fears, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, shame and guilt around sexuality * using your sexual energy for raising of your consciousness * going on a transformational journey All with clothes on. Orgasm is an experience of full connectedness with Life. It is when we are feeling fully alive. And Life shifts, Life moves, and we are designed to move with it, with all of it! If you feel it is for you - please leave a comment saying “YES please” and I will send you all the details via private message. ❤️My my current female students a very deep dive in Module 2 “Ignite your erotic wisdom” is taking place in Mallorca this May 10-17 (registration closes in 1 week). ❤️

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Humiliation, negating, criticizing "Tactics are meant to undermine your self-esteem. The abuse is harsh and unrelenting in matters big and small" Character assassination -Them saying you aren't a good person Patronizing Public embarrassment Dismissiveness Sarcasm Belittling your accomplishments Pushing your buttons -Once your abuser knows about something that annoys you, they’ll bring it up or do it every chance they get Control and shame "Trying to make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies is just another path to power" Threats Stalking Online stalking Making decisions without consulting the other person Controlling finances Lecturing you about you faults Giving orders Treating you like a child Feigned helplessness -pretending they don't know how to do something to get you to do it Unpredictability Using others -Abusers may tell you that “everybody” thinks you’re crazy or “they all say” you’re wrong Accusing, blaming, and denial "This behavior comes from an abuser’s insecurities. They want to create a hierarchy in which they’re at the top and you’re at the bottom" Jealousy Turning the tables -saying you're the cause of their pain Gaslighting -An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place, meant to make you question your own memory and sanity Guilt Trip Goading then blaming -They provoke by pressing your buttons then blame you when trouble starts Denying abuse Accusing you of abuse -saying you're own anger and control issues are the problem and they are helpless Trivializing your feelings -They make your feelings seems small Blaming you for their problems Destroying and denying -They break your stuff then deny Emotional neglect and isolation "Abusers tend to place their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will try to come between you and people who are supportive of you to make you more dependent on them" Demanding respect -No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street Shutting down communication Dehumanizing you Keep you from socializing Come between you and you family Withholding affection -won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something Turning you away - not wanting to talk about the relationship Actively working to turn others against you Calling you needy Interrupting Indifference to your feelings Disputing your feelings -whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all Codependence "codependent relationship is when everything you do is in reaction to your abuser’s behavior. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any other way. It’s a vicious circle of unhealthy behavior " You might be codependent if you:    are unhappy in the relationship, but fear alternatives    consistently neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs    ditch friends and sideline your family to please your partner    frequently seek out your partner’s approval    critique yourself through your abuser’s eyes, ignoring your own instincts    make a lot of sacrifices to please the other person, but it’s not reciprocated    would rather live in the current state of chaos than be alone    bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace    feel responsible and take the blame for something they did    defend your abuser when others point out what’s happening    try to “rescue” them from themselves    feel guilty when you stand up for yourself    think you deserve this treatment    believe that nobody else could ever want to be with you    change your behavior in response to guilt; your abuser says, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay

The Way to Identify the Signs of Emotional Abuse

Overview

You probably know many of the more obvious signs of psychological and mental abuse. But when you are in the midst of it, then it can be easy to miss the persistent undercurrent of violent behavior.

Emotional abuse involves an individual’s attempts to brighten control, or even isolate one. It’s from the abuser’s words and actions, in addition to their persistence in these behaviors.

The abuser could be your spouse or alternative amorous partner. They could become your business partner, parent, or caretaker.

Regardless of what it is, you do not deserve it and it’s really not your own fault. Keep on reading to learn more, including how to recognize it and what you could do next.

Humiliation, negating, Organizing

These tactics are supposed to undermine your self-esteem. The misuse is both harsh and unrelenting in matters big and small.

Name Calling. They’ll blatantly call you”dumb,””a loser,” or words too awful to repeat here.

Derogatory”pet names.” This really is only more name calling in not-so-subtle disguise. “My small knuckle dragger” or “My chubby pumpkin”aren’t terms of endearment.

Character assassination. You are always late, incorrect, whipping up, disagreeable, and so on. Ostensibly, they state you’re not just a good person.

Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing is all meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing objects.

Patronizing.“Aw, sweetie, I know you try, but this is just beyond your understanding.”

Public embarrassment. They pick struggles, expose your keys, or make fun of your shortcomings in people.

Dismissiveness. You tell them about something which’s crucial to you and also they state it’s nothing. Body gestures such as eye-rolling, smirking, head shaking, and sighing help communicate an identical message.

“Joking.”The jokes may have a grain of truth in their mind or be considered complete manufacture. Either way, they allow you to look ridiculous.

Sarcasm. Frequently only a dig disguise. Whenever you first thing, they assert to have already been teasing and tell you to stop doing everything seriously.

Insults of One’s look. They tell you personally, just before you go outside, your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish.

Belittling your own accomplishments. Your abuser might tell you that your accomplishments mean nothing, or they may even maintain responsibility for their own success.

Put Downs of your own interests. They may inform you that your hobby can be really a childish waste of time or else you are out of your team once you play with sports betting. Really, it’s that they would rather you not participate in activities with them.

Pushing your buttons. Once your abuser knows about something which annoys you, they’ll bring this up or get it done every chance they get.

Control and shame

Seeking to force you to really feel ashamed of one’s inadequacies is just another path to power.

Tools of this shame and command sport include:

Hazards. Telling you they’ll have the kids and disappear, or saying”There’s no telling what I might do.”

Tracking your whereabouts. They want to understand what your location is all the time and insist you just respond to calls or texts instantly. They may appear just to see whether you are where you’re likely to be.

Digital spying. They may assess your history, emails, texts, and even telephone log. They might even require your passwords.

Unilateral decision making. They might close a joint banking account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without any asking.

Financial control. They may maintain a bank account in their name simply and make you request the money. You might be likely to account for every penny you spend.

Direct requests. By”Get my dinner on the desk today” into”Stop taking the pill,” orders are all expected to be followed closely despite the plans to the contrary.

Outbursts. You were told to cancel which outing with your buddy or set the vehicle in the garage, but did not, so now you’ve got to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are.

Treating you like a child. They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you’re able to see.

Feigned helplessness. They can say they do not understand how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it.

Unpredictability. They’ll burst with anger out of the nowhere suddenly shower you with affection, or become darkened and dark at the drop of a hat to help keep you walking on eggshells.

They go outside. In a social event, stomping out from this room leaves one holding the bag. In the home, it’s a tool to keep the difficulty open.

Together with the Others. Abusers may let you know that”everybody” thinks you are mad or”they all say” you’re wrong.

Accusing, blaming, and denial

This behavior comes in a person’s insecurities. They would like to create a ladder in which they truly are towards the very top and you are at the end.

Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them.

Minding the tables. They say you cause their rage and restraint problems by being such a pain.

Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny an argument or an arrangement required

place. That is known as gaslighting. It’s supposed to allow you to question your memory and sanity.

Using guilt. They may say something such as, “You owe me this. Consider all I’ve done to you personally,” in an effort to receive their way.

Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to mad you. But once the difficulty begins, it’s your fault for creating it.

Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will refuse that, seemingly bewildered at the very idea of it.

Accusing you of abuse. They say you are the person that has anger and control problems plus they are the helpless victim.

Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.

Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes regarding you. If you first thing, they’ll tell you to lighten.

Blaming you to get his or her problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is your fault. You are not inviting enough, did not do enough stuck with your nose where it did not belong.

Emotional isolation and neglect

Abusers tend to position their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will attempt in the future between you and those who are supportive of you to allow you to more dependent on these.

They do this by:

Demanding respect.No sensed slight will probably go unpunished, and you’re expected to reevaluate. But it is a one-time street.

Slimming down communication. They will dismiss your attempts at conversation personally, via text, or by telephone number.

De-humanizing you. They’ll look away when you are talking or stare in another thing if they speak to you.

Keeping you from interacting. Whenever you have plans to head out, they develop with a diversion or beg you not to go.

Attempting in the future between you and your family. They’ll tell relatives that you never want to see them make excuses why you can’t attend family purposes.

Withholding affection. They won’t disturb you, maybe not to put up your hands or pat you on the shoulder. They can deny sexual relationships to penalize you or for one to do something.

Tuning out you. They’ll wave you off, change the subject, or just plain ignore you when you want to discuss your relationship.

Earnestly attempting to turn others. They’ll tell coworkers, friends, and also your family that you are unstable and prone to hysterics.

Calling you needy. Once you are down and out and touch base for aid, they’ll let you know you’re too needy or the whole world can’t stop turning to your own little problems.

Interrupting. You are on the phone or texting plus they are in your face to allow you to understand your attention ought to be on them.

Indifference. They view you hurt or crying and do nothing.

Disputing your feelings. Whatever you believe, they’ll say you are wrong to believe manner or that’s not what you feel at all.

Codependence

A codependent relationship is when everything you do will be in reaction to your gardener’s behavior. And so they want you just as much to boost their particular self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any different way. It’s really a vicious group of unhealthy behavior.

You might be Co-dependent for those who:

Are unhappy from the relationship, but dread alternatives

Always neglect your personal needs for the sake of theirs

Ditch friends and Side-line your family to please your spouse

Frequently seek out your spouse’s approval

Review yourself through your tiger’s eyes, ignoring your personal instincts

Create Plenty of sacrifices to please another man, but it is not reciprocated

Would rather live from the current state of chaos than being alone

Bite your tongue and also repress your feelings to maintain the peace

Feel responsible and also take the blame for something that they did

Shield your abuser when others Explain what’s happening

Attempt to”rescue” them from themselves

Feel helpless Once You stand on your own

Think you deserve this remedy

Think That nobody else could ever want to be with you

Change your behavior in response to remorse; your abuser states, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay

What to perform

If you are being emotionally and emotionally abused, trust your instincts. Realize that it isn’t right and that you don’t have to live in this way.

In case you fear immediate physical violence, call 911 or the regional emergency services.

If you’re not in immediate danger and you also want to talk or find somewhere to proceed, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline in 800–799–7233. This 24/7 hotline can put you in touch with service providers and lands across the United States.

Otherwise, your decisions come down to the particulars of one’s situation. Here’s what you could do:

Admits the abuse isn’t your responsibility. Don’t attempt to reason along with your abuser. You might want to help, however, it’s unlikely they’ll break this particular pattern of behavior without counseling. That’s their responsibility.

Disengage and put personal boundaries. Pick that you simply won’t answer mistreat or get sucked into debates. Stick to it. Limit contact with the abuser as far as possible.

Exit the relationship or circumstance. If possible, cut ties. Make it clear that it’s over and do not look back. You might also want to obtain a therapist who is able to reveal you a healthful way to move forward.

Give yourself time to heal. Reach out to inviting friends and family members. If you should be in school, talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. If you believe it may help, then look for a therapist who is able to help you in your healing.

Leaving the association is significantly more complicated if you should be married, have children, or possess commingled assets. If that is your position, seek legal aid. Listed below are Some Other resources:

Break the Cycle: Supporting young adults between 12 and 2–4 to build healthier relationships and generate an abuse-free culture.

DomesticShelters.org: Educational information, hotline, and also a searchable database of services in your area.

Enjoy Is Respect (National Dating Abuse Hotline): Giving adolescents and adults a chance to talk online, call, or text together with urges.

The Lasting Impact Of Childhood Trauma

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“Trauma leaves fingerprints on the victim. These don’t fade when the bruises do.”- Dr. Ellen Taliaferro

Childhood trauma has a lasting effect on an individual’s life. The trauma which is either physical, sexual or emotional in nature, creates a devastating ripple effect on every aspect of the individual’s adult life.

According to one study, more than 21,000 child abuse survivors, age 60 and older in Australia reported a greater rate of failed marriages and relationships.

Research also states that childhood trauma, which ranges from parent’s divorce to alcohol and smoking addictions in the home, is the major cause of heart diseases, lung diseases, liver diseases, and mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, anger outbursts, and suicide in the later stages of an individual’s life. In addition, such trauma can trigger risky sexual behavior leading the individual to suffer from life threatening diseases thereby leading to “low life potential.”

Even though some individuals seek treatment and therapy in their younger days to deal with the pain of childhood trauma, there is often lingering hurt. The painful memories can suddenly creep up on the individual. Survivors of trauma who are in the later stages of their life may experience a replay of the painful feelings and be extremely confused at its occurrence. Fewer distractions and reduced responsibilities of daily life may cause seniors’ to shift their focus on the traumatic issues of their past. The recurrence of nightmares, flashbacks, and other symptoms can be frightening and overwhelming.

According to psychiatrist Judith Herman, “As the survivor struggles with the tasks of adult life, the legacy of their childhood becomes increasingly burdensome. Eventually, often in the fourth or fifth decade of life, the defensive structure may begin to break down. Often the precipitant is a change in the equilibrium of close relationships: The failure of a marriage, the illness or death of a parent. The facade can hold no longer, and the underlying fragmentation becomes manifest. When and if a breakdown occurs, it can take symptomatic forms that mimic virtually every form of psychiatric disorder. Survivors fear that they are going insane or will have to die “

At this point, there is often an urge to rely on the numbing agents of alcohol or substances to desensitize the recurring pain. Depression, suicidal thoughts, phobias, and low self-esteem can plague the elderly individual to an unusual extent that he/she has never felt before. Life at this point may seem hopeless and agonizing and the elderly individual may feel extremely desperate.

A number of indicators may manifest in an individual who is struggling with a mental health issue such as trauma. If you notice any of the following conditions in a senior loved one, it is important that you encourage and help them seek immediate medical or mental health assistance. These include:

Physical Conditions:

Panic attacks

Lack of eye contact

Extreme exhaustion

Shallow breathing

Dizziness, fainting often

Dry mouth

Body numbness

Altered pattern of speech

Extreme sweating even though the weather is cold

Looking shocked or frightened

Emotional Conditions:

Anger outbursts

Mentioning past events often

Crying often

Feeling a sense of failure and regret

Startling easily

Developing extreme fear towards objects or things.

Feeling helpless and hopeless

Feelings of inadequacy

Feeling extreme need to control

Healing from the Trauma

Guilt, shame or repressed memories may hold seniors back from seeking help. They may also feel that they don’t need to disclose their suffering. Some seniors may have already sought help to deal with their past trauma and may feel uncomfortable seeking assistance for the same issues.

Despite the reasoning, it’s never too late to address childhood trauma. Professional help can benefit seniors by facilitating acceptance and overcoming feelings of despair and hopelessness so they can live life to its fullest.

The Meadows treatment center in Arizona has been helping individuals heal from childhood trauma for over 40 years. The caring, multi-disciplinary team at The Meadows understand the unique needs of seniors and the challenges they face. If you or a loved one is struggling with unresolved childhood trauma or co-occurring conditions like substance abuse or depression, please give us a call today at 866-331-3102.

Content Source The Lasting Impact Of Childhood Trauma

The planets and the early environment

The planets with the greatest potential for psychological impact on the early environment are Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. Their influence on the early environment does not always indicate difficulties or disruptions, however. The aspects will tell whether the influence is difficult or not. For example, a well-aspected Uranus in the fourth house may represent the experience of being raised in a progressive or communal household, which broadens the individual’s perspective by introducing him to a variety of people and ideas. When these planets do represent a challenge, the challenge may be anywhere from mild to severe. Generally, when several of these planets are stressfully connected to the Moon or to a fourth house factor or when one of these planets is repeatedly connected to them, the challenge will be greater. Regardless of the degree of difficulty, if a challenge is represented in the chart, it has had or will have some psychological impact.

SATURN AND THE EARLY ENVIRONMENT

Saturn's influence on the early environment can be especially challenging because, more than any other planet, it may make it hard for the child’s most basic needs to be met. Children’s self-esteem is directly related to whether or not their needs are met because unmet needs, to the child, translate as not being important. When these needs are severely neglected, children may feel that they do not exist or, at the very least, that they are not valued. When this happens, their needs and feelings become repressed and they stop feeling. This helps the individual to cope as a child. Unfortunately, when the individual has more resources for coping as an adult, feelings are still repressed because it happens now automatically, beyond the individual’s control. He or she has learned no other way of dealing with feelings. The psychological work that must be done is to reverse this repressive mechanism so that feelings can arise.

The child’s needs may not have been met because of a divorce or the death of a parent; because the parents were troubled by hardship, illness, poverty, duties, or depression; or because they were critical or authoritarian and themselves shut-down emotionally. The atmosphere within the family is likely to be clouded by depression, guilt, difficulty, obligations, and burdens. By necessity, these individuals become self-sufficient at an early age and develop traits, such as self-discipline, restraint, responsibility, and a strong work ethic. However, they suffer from a lack of joy and spontaneity. As a result of their early experience, they conclude that having needs is unacceptable and that loving and needing hurt. As adults, these individuals have difficulty believing that anyone could love them. This coupled with their anxiety and insecurity in relationships could be a self- fulfilling prophecy. Because they are used to meeting their own needs and not getting their needs met by others, they are sometimes attracted to those who are cold or who don’t meet their needs. They willingly support others materially and certainly have the skills for doing that, but emotionally they are generally unresponsive. By staying detached emotionally in their relationships, they protect themselves against pain, or so they think.

The challenge represented by Saturn may be mild or severe. Those with a severe deficit in early care may not recover fully in just one lifetime. Even behind the most severe difficulty there is a purpose, however. As a result of these difficulties, the individual will gain in ways that perhaps no one can understand or readily perceive.

URANUS AND THE EARLY ENVIRONMENT

Uranus, when related to the Moon or the fourth house in a challenging way, brings unusual conditions surrounding the home or periodic upheavals and changes in it. The home life may be chaotic or unpredictable or the family members may be odd or unconventional. This results in the individual not having the usual kind of upbringing. It may either be unconventional, such as a single-family home or a communal family, or lack the stability and continuity considered necessary for one's early development. As a rule, children need stability and consistency to establish a sense of security, although that can still be provided amidst change and uncertainty. A sense of security develops more from consistent and trustworthy interactions with the primary caregiver than from conditions in the environment. Problems occur when the parental relationship is inconsistent, unpredictable, and unreliable, as is likely when Uranus is involved in a challenging way. In these households, the child is given too much freedom and not enough structure, routine, or discipline.

The mother or other family members are often highly independent, eccentric, unusual, or unconventional. They may be more concerned with their humanitarian or creative endeavors outside the home than with the family. In the home, there is little display of emotion except perhaps eccentric ones or erratic outbursts. Because the family places such a high value on personal freedom, the child, especially if he or she is sensitive, might feel rejected, abandoned, and alienated. This alienation could result in anti-social behavior. The child may act out, rebel, or develop problems to fulfill the family expectation of uniqueness. When these individuals get into a relationship, they end up feeling that it could change or end suddenly. On the other hand, they might be restless and fickle themselves. They feel conflicted about whether they want a home or freedom.

The lack of rules and limits often results in the individual becoming irresponsible, unpredictable, unreliable, or “flaky.” What we experience as children becomes part of us psychologically: if we experience love, we become loving; if we experience fear, we become fearful; if we experience undependable behavior, we become undependable. So, we can look at the Moon and the fourth house and see our mother and our early environment, but we also see ourselves and our automatic, conditioned responses.

NEPTUNE AND THE EARLY ENVIRONMENT

When Neptune is influencing the Moon or the fourth house in a challenging way, the early experience may be one of sacrifice or lack. The child’s emotional needs are not likely to be met for one reason or another. The child is often required to make some kind of sacrifice to the mother or to the family. This may be a karmic need, in fact. The child may be called upon to sacrifice his or her identity or freedom in order to take care of the family or the mother. Often, the mother is psychologically incompetent, mentally ill, alcoholic or drug dependent, or neglectful. Or for some other reason, the mother may be illusive or gone from the scene. Sometimes the individual is brought up by adoptive or foster parents or by a nanny.

The family relationships are often enmeshed and interdependent. Establishing an independent identity within the family is difficult to do. The boundaries between individuals are likely to be weak and provide little privacy. Sometimes the mother and child are deeply fused, making it difficult for the child to separate and individuate. It may be that the mother expects the child to be her savior or manipulates him with guilt by playing the martyr. Consequently, as an adult, the individual believes that he or she has to fuse with others to be loved. Although the family may provide protection from the outside, it provides little preparation for dealing with the world. The atmosphere in the home is one of depression, escapism, addiction, or mental illness.

Those who have been emotionally deprived often become caretakers because they had to take over the parental role early on. As a result, they have no basis for accepting care and love from others. Their low self-esteem makes it difficult for them to feel worthy of even the smallest donation of energy or time from someone else, and the loss of control experienced by accepting something from someone else feels threatening to them. They often go through life giving too much of themselves or giving inappropriately and being re-victimized.

PLUTO AND THE EARLY ENVIRONMENT

Pluto influencing the Moon or the fourth house in a challenging way may indicate power issues or power conflicts in the early environment, which may be due to an over-involved or controlling parent. The conflict may be between the mother and father or between the parents and children. Powerful psychic connections may exist between the child and mother or between family members. The family atmosphere is tense and intense, with many feelings brewing below the surface. There may be family feuds, or the mother or other family members may be full of rage and resentment. There may be incest or other family secrets that members are ashamed of. With Pluto, the potential for physical, emotional, or sexual abuse is greater than with any other planet. When abuse is the case, even what might be considered mild can be deeply damaging psychologically. The experience of domination can be very destructive to the individual and result in deep feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Later in life, these individuals gravitate toward partners who are destructive or violent because they expect relationships to be intense, dramatic, and full of upheaval.

If power struggles or abuse are not part of the early experience, some other kind of crisis may be. The damaged caused by this depends on how deeply the nurturing is affected. If the crisis involves the death of a parent, it will, of course, have a deep effect. On the other hand, if it involves a crisis, such as a war or other calamity in the environment, or someone other than the primary caregiver, the upheaval will have less of an impact.

Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto provide challenges to the early environment, which develop strength, insight, and compassion. These planetary influences are positive in this sense, although undeniably painful. Nevertheless, the soul does not create experiences that we are incapable of growing from, although it is up to us to make the best of them. These challenges offer an opportunity to evolve quickly and to grow in ways that are not possible by other means. As often as these influences are chosen to balance negative patterns from past lives or teach something, they are chosen to accelerate evolution. Therefore, these difficult influences should not be judged as bad karma. Life is about growing. Whether growth is accomplished by being given the lessons we need or by choosing them, the result is the same—greater understanding and love.

Trust Yourself

Once the storm of an abusive relationship has reached a rest, the survivor eventually finds themselves stuck in a place where… they don’t quite know what to do. It’s a new day, yes. One they have been looking forward to for a very long time and yet they feel handicapped and divested of their vitality in some ways. Wracked with fear, loss, memories they’re trying to resolve or repress. Anything that can help them cope feels like it’s just not within the reach and it’s baffling and discomforting. A most pesky issue is a matter of faith and trust that is bound to arise in the aftermath. Depending on where you are in life and the lessons you’ve already learnt, ascending to a few higher levels of faith and the understanding of faith may come more easily than trust. 

This is the interval before one traverses from victim to victor. 

Faith, is understanding and accepting that everything will work out for your highest best. It is the acceptance that there is a method to all the madness on a subtler, deeper, grand cosmic scale. At a certain point in life the understanding of karma may just make the experience an easier pill to swallow and let some of it go. If you understand karma then you understand the nature of impermanence and you’ve been ready to move on for a long time now. Well, the brakes are off and the barricades have lifted but your feet are not moving as fast as you want them too. It won’t. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Understand it why it is so. You are in a new place and nothing is the same for even at your core, you have transformed. 

Let me turn on one light for you. 

Trust directly attacks matters of control, loss, inadequacy, facades, deceit, ruin and fear. Fear of not being able to see clearly; fear of not what lies beyond; fear of not being sufficiently informed wherever one has been exploited tremendously; fears of the very vulnerabilities that have been exploited thus far; fears of never being able to recover or get past; fears of things repeating itself. This forms the framework for the paralysis you will experience at this stage. 

Trust, is far more complex. The immediate projection of trust is upon another. How can I trust you. How can I trust them. How can I trust that. Well, you shouldn’t. And you can’t. You had a reliable system to trust in place before you entered the abusive relationship. That system needs to be back up and running but it won’t be so soon because the focus shouldn’t be on testing all the new people you will come in contact with henceforth. Trust me, people will be more than ready to feed you a bullshit propaganda they think will earn your trust and generosity. But if you’ve been through an abusive relationship, that prospect is dimmed severely by a new set of fears already in place. There are also people who don’t want to abuse you and want to treat you with the utmost love and gentleness. How do you map yourself out of such a dense forest? With the very fears now in place and this is what you can do to transform them. You begin by learning how to trust yourself first. Your compass is giddily trying to reset its polarity and your sense of justice, justness and fairness is possibly stuck in an endless loop of negative reinforcement and distress. A potent combination of unforgiving memories, unwelcome but necessary habituation of mitigation that was often devised only for survival. That’s over. When it’s over, it’s over. 

Now you have to convert all that experience into a finely tuned radar and that process kicks off at this stage. You will not be able to trust another when you cannot trust yourself. An emotionally and mentally abusive relationship has basically exposed all of your vulnerabilities and weak links. But the ordeal has exposed how a cluster B performs and that arms you with a lot of information going forward. In time, with a little distance and perspective you will be able to convert all those difficult experiences into valuable information that will enable you to thoroughly read a person’s motives. You’ve dealt with it intimately and forcefully and you’ve absorbed a lot of signs and tells that will start functioning like an effective warning system. Listen to that. 

The first thing you have to do is understand that silence is the key here. You have to learn how to listen to your inner voice and to what your intuition is telling you. When you feel that ping, pursue it, explore it; it is ringing alarm bells and it will lead you somewhere, telling you what’s up. This will become the new normal, eventually, as it empowers you to avoid and sidestep any future entanglements with another narcissist or cluster B. And when you can, make some time to delve into the psychology involved here by reading up. These situations are far from the general rough encounters that can be brushed away by the end of a day. It requires a lot more depth and understanding and you won’t triumph without looking into the psychology involved. Understanding human behaviour is an ongoing process and many will apply it in different ways. As an actor, it can be converted into an additional dimension with first person experience. This will prove to be very valuable down the line.  

Don’t panic and don’t get disheartened(for too long). This is very normal. This entire phase, however long or short, is very, very normal and natural. We only take longer to navigate this stretch because we don’t know what it’s all about and what to do. 

You survived a narcissist. You survived emotional and mental abuse on a very public scale. You’ve been to hell and back. Look at how far you’ve come. Where were you a year ago? 

You’ve already triumphed. Be proud of yourself. :-)

One word I’ve often encountered when reading up about modern masculinity is ‘stoic’. Which is a strange phenomenon since ancient stoic philosophy doesn’t appear to be a central tenant in male identity or how to be a man. However, the appropriation of this word makes more sense when we look at the current dictionary definition of ‘stoic’:

‘Determined not to complain or show your feelings, especially when something bad happens to you.’  Cambridge Dictionary

Ancient stoicism certainly didn’t advocate total emotional repression, which is unfortunately an element prevalent in conceptions of modern masculinity. Our children and young men are simply told to ‘man up’, ‘don’t be a wimp’, ‘don’t cry’. Stoic philosophers advocated none of these behavioral controls and although they made many quotes, they never said: ‘grow a pair you pussy’. But somehow stoicism is associated with being unfeeling all the same. I will argue that this is inherently harmful in legitimizing harmful male behavior through the appeal to classical wisdom as well as creating a misleading and highly limited perspective on what stoic philosophy meant to its practitioners.

  So what about ancient stoicism gave the impression that emotions were bad are therefore must be bottled down? Simply put, self-mastery was a cornerstone in stoic conduct because to do so was to act according to Reason, thus controlling the mind’s passions. A metaphor often used compared the soul’s control over the body to a charioteer’s command over a ship. Sounds close to modern man’s ideal of acting in a detached purely logical manner, right? However, what hasn’t been examined is why stoics idealized mental serenity.

  Stoic philosophers believed that everything in the universe was determined and under the control of a supreme divine intelligence. This ‘God’ (similar but not exact to the Judeo-Christian God) created the universe and held every part of it in harmony under law. This law derives from Reason which we ourselves hold in common with this ‘God’ and therefore we should attempt to cope with whatever the universe throws at us because it is by definition right since the universe is perfect and every star, every river and every cloud is in harmony with each other under the rule of Reason. This is the logic behind stoic ideas that the universe is itself likened to a mortal city. (Dio Chrysostom Oration 36) And is also why stoics were taught to endure pain and hardship without anger or despair, because ultimately their suffering had a cosmic context.

  I would like to point out that emotional endurance does not equate to emotional repression. Stoics did not teach their pupils to actively stop feeling emotions such as anger or sadness. Instead, they attempted to add perspective to these reactions to prevent their arousal in the first place or to limit the harm done to others as a result of these feelings. (Seneca, On Anger 1.18)

‘Living virtuously is equal to living in accordance with one’s experience of the actual course of nature’  Chrysippus

‘We have no power over external things, and the good that ought to be the object of our earnest pursuit, is to be found only within ourselves.’  Epictetus

‘The greatest remedy for anger is delay: beg anger to grant you this first, not in order that it may pardon the offence, but that it may form a right judgement about it: -if it delays, it will come to an end. Do not attempt to quell it at once, for its impulses are fierce; by plucking away at is parts we shall remove the whole.’  Seneca, On Anger 2.29.

‘The mind is the ruler of the soul. It should remain unstirred by agitations of the flesh—gentle and violent ones alike. Not mingling with them but fencing itself off and keeping those feelings in their place. When they make their way into your thoughts, through the sympathetic link between mind and body, don’t try to resist the sensation. The sensation is natural. But don’t let the mind start in with judgments, calling it “good” or “bad.”’  Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.26.

    Chrysippus, Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius (Left to Right)

Nowhere in these quotes does it say to stop feeling or to avoid dealing with your emotions. In fact, stoic philosophy actually asserted that strong feelings of even anger and violence should be confronted and dissected because more often or not, the reasons for our rage are out of our control. Therefore, what use is it to be angry? That is not to say that there is never a cause for justified indignation, however stoicism puts an emphasis on an evaluation before we choose to act out, not out of pure emotion, but from a position of reason. Using reason and wisdom, a philosopher would decide what mattered the most in a human life and what parts of existence were ‘indifferent’. And the consensus was that the only true good was virtue. Living with virtue and in harmony with our surroundings is an aspect of stoicism that modern manhood has forgotten. It is certainly disconcerting that there is nothing about doing good deeds or behaving virtuously in the repertoire of the modern man. It is also discouraging that anger appears to have be the only emotion excluded from the collection of feelings deemed ‘weak’.

  Hence, when men are taught to bottle up their emotions such as fear, guilt or sadness, they cannot learn how to confront or handle them. And this leads to depression and sometimes even violent behavior in compensation, which is permissible because that supposedly announces strength. However, this only leads to destructive behavior against others and one’s self as we become ashamed of experiencing ‘weakness’ and fearful of admitting it to others. This can also involve fighting and alcohol/drug abuse. We may also repress our own fears of inadequacy and self-consciousness that we are not or may never achieve the ideal of perfect machismo. And this image is only an abstract sold to us through media, unattainable or at the very least requiring some very manipulative and unethical treatment (especially towards women). Not even Romans expected men to restrict ‘weak’ emotions like sadness or loss, but found ways to come to terms with them:

‘I am indeed moved by the loss of a friend such, I believe, as I shall never have again, and—as I can assert on positive knowledge— a friend such as no other man ever was to me. But I am not devoid of a remedy, and I find very great consolation in the comforting fact that I am free from the delusion which causes most men anguish when their friends depart.’  Cicero, On Friendship 10

Another important demand that emotional detachment makes is for men to repress feelings of affection. Emotional distance and a refusal to engage in intimacy often separates men from those who can and want to actually help them. In 2014, among the men surveyed by Relate 11% claimed they had absolutely no friends and 27% that they friendships were unsatisfying. Men are also less likely to access psychological therapy with only 36% of referrals to IAPT (Increasing Access to Psychological Therapies) being men.

Yet regarding friendship and affection, stoics held them in the highest regard. They even accused the rival school of Epicureans of being unable to form sincere and satisfying friendships but they themselves could. (Cicero, De Finibus 1.20.65-8) In fact Zeno of Citium, one of the founders of stoicism, once theorized a perfect city of philosophers. And love (Eros) was the glue that held this community together in concord: love of the virtue or potential goodness visible in other human beings encouraged them to live amongst each other. He even added that only the wise can be friends because only they could understand that only virtue was truly important and what common goals superseded their own personal interests. An idea that the hyper-competitiveness of toxic masculinity ignores. Thus, I would argue that affection is an essential part of living a stoic life in contradiction to the reputation granted to them in posterity.

Zeno of Citium

In conclusion, stoics did not consider feelings of sadness or of affection to be a weakness that must be purged. Nor did they believe the resolution to these emotions to have been total repression and avoidance. Even in the ancient world of wars, plagues and political upheaval, such harsh times would demand a thick skin and a denial for men to feel to be able to cope with the immense suffering and injustices of the era, they did not advocate this. There is nothing stoic about modern masculinity’s treatment of emotions and to associate the two is a misinterpretation of ancient stoic theory and a false legitimization of harmful male behavior. Hence, masculinity has no classical precedent to stand on when it demands men to blindly restrict their emotions to their own detriment.

  Dan Tang

The Athenian Inspector

  Fischer, A. (2000) Gender and Emotion: Social Psychological Perspectives, Cambridge.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/get-over-it-men-and-the-cost-of-emotional-repression/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/201604/why-bottling-emotions-is-central-masculinity

https://etd.library.vanderbilt.edu/available/etd-03262007 131344/unrestricted/ShelleyDissertation.pdf

https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/key-data-mental-health

file:///C:/Users/danie/Downloads/fundamental-facts-about-mental-health-2016.pdf

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/statistics/mental-health-statistics-suicide

  If you want to learn about the Romans, check out: https://romanimperium.wordpress.com/

There’s Nothing Stoic about Modern Masculinity One word I’ve often encountered when reading up about modern masculinity is ‘stoic’. Which is a strange phenomenon since ancient stoic philosophy doesn’t appear to be a central tenant in male identity or how to be a man.

How to Move Past the Fear of Judgment and Break the Silence of Shame

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” ~Brené Brown

Every time I think I’ve unloaded most of the pain from my past, something surfaces that tells me I have more work to do.

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were cuddling one morning. I’m not sure what the trigger was, but out of nowhere, my thoughts rolled down a hill and into a painful memory that I must have blocked out.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as my whole body curled up into the fetal position. He asked me what was wrong and I slowly told him about a sexual trauma I had experienced.

We are radically honest with one another. Sharing the not so beautiful has deepened our connection. I thought I had shared my darkest secrets that carry shame.

I was wrong.

I had minimized and buried this story. Maybe subconsciously, I was afraid he would see this situation as my fault. He absolutely didn’t, and sharing my experience with him made me feel like a heavy burden was lifted.

This last part rang especially true the following week when the #metoo hashtag went viral. It was during that week of teasing through my feelings and thoughts that I realized just how much confusion shame can create.

The word shame can evoke such discomfort that we often don’t see how it shows up in our lives.

If there’s one emotion I see as most prevalent and most hidden in the work I do, it’s shame. Every time I lead a workshop or retreat, there’s a common theme that I witness in nearly everyone. As humans, we all tend to feel in some way that we’re unworthy.

Yet, the last thing we want to do is acknowledge our shame and vulnerability.

But if left buried, shame inevitably causes harm to ourselves and our relationships. In my experience, I’ve seen firsthand how understanding and shedding light on shame can hold the key to healing.

Shame is the emotion that says, “I am bad. I am unworthy.”

It’s not that we did something bad and feel remorseful. That’s guilt. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” But shame is the internalization of “I am bad.”

Most of us, even if we had kind, loving parents, grew up feeling a bit like we had to censor our true feelings and experiences. We may have done this to avoid dismay, protect others, or keep the peace in our families.

We’re conditioned from a young age to feel shame when we learn who we shouldn’t be in the world. But as we get older, we don’t need others to make us feel shame. Shame becomes easily internalized and lives in that voice that says, “It’s dangerous to let others hear my story,” or, “They won’t love me if I share this secret.”

Who we are becomes fragmented so that we hide the parts of ourselves we want no one to see. We unconsciously employ defense mechanisms. While those defense mechanisms might help us to survive, they’re bound to stand in the way of having healthy relationships and growing a sense of self-love.

When we’re afraid to share our vulnerable side because we believe it would render us flawed, dirty, weak, and so forth, we’re carrying shame.

Shame is carried silently and secretly for fear of judgment; yet, it is the self-judgment that grows the longer we conceal our vulnerability.

I refuse to keep painful secrets festering inside of me, as I know that will only keep me repressed and disempowered in the long run.

All humans experience shame, and it presents in many ways. Here are a few examples I’ve noticed within myself that maybe you can relate to:

Being too sensitive and emotional

Not doing enough to “save” my mother from her death

Being too selfish to fully want to be a mother myself

Feeling I’m not ambitious or smart enough to live up to my potential

Struggling to communicate clearly when I have too much in my head

Feeling too “needy” with my partner at times

Believing I was somehow at fault for the sexual abuses I have experienced

My personal list could go on… But what I noticed when writing this list is that while many of the original sources of shame might be specific people or society as a whole, the critic is still me.

When we keep shame locked away inside, we get stuck in feelings of inadequacy. Shame may cause us to feel mentally or physically ill. Feelings of inadequacy can be accompanied by emotions such as anxiety, anger, and loneliness. And when we feel inadequate, we sometimes develop destructive ways of relating to others: avoidance, lying, blaming others, attempts to control others, and so forth.

So how can we deal with this lurking self-critic that wants to keep our stories in the dark?

1. Speak kindly to yourself.

Most likely, at some point you’ve heard the phrase, “Shame on you,” or, “You should be ashamed.” It can easily become habit to talk similarly to ourselves and challenging to learn to speak kindly.

A simple framework for healing I teach comes from an ancient Hawaiian tradition called H’oponopono. H’oponopono means “to make right,” and it’s rooted in the essence of reconciliation and compassion.

H’oponopono consists of four phrases: I’m sorry. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. You can use these phrases speaking to another person. And you can use them with yourself. Here’s a personal example of the latter:

Melissa, I’m sorry for making you feel the trauma you experienced was your fault.

Melissa, I forgive you for placing blame on yourself and carrying shame all these years.

Melissa, thank you for your courage to shine light on your vulnerability and resilience.

Melissa, I love you and I commit to treating you with lovingkindness.

2. Self-soothe with movement and massage.

Think about what happens to your body when you recall a memory that carries shame. Often our bodies slump sinking our heart into the back body. Our gaze drops and our brows furrow.

Emotions, including shame, reside in the body. Much of what I practice and teach relates to physical ways to release stuck emotion for this reason.

If we want to reduce the unworthy and unlovable feelings we carry, it can help to self-soothe your body through dynamic movement practices like yoga and dance. Self-massage, tapping, and comforting touch while speaking kindly to yourself can help to release shame.

3. Share your story.

The most uncomfortable, but perhaps most effective method I can offer you is to share.

You don’t have to share your vulnerability with the whole world. Many of my friends shared courageous, deeply personal stories on Facebook in response to #metoo. For a moment, I thought I had to share this way as well, but then I did some reflection.

There are times I share my vulnerability through my blog or when I hold space for a group. But I don’t always want to share everything with strangers. In those cases, my partner is my greatest witness because of his ability to hold space for me.

Whether you share in a twelve-step program, with a loved one, or therapist, or in an article for the world to see, there’s immense healing power in this process. When our voices are heard and we’re seen just as we are, we open up the door to growing a new sense of self-love and self-worth.

About Melissa Renzi

Melissa Renzi is a Licensed Social Worker and Certified Yoga Teacher. She helps sensitive souls transform anxiety and cultivate lasting self-love. She leads global retreats designed for women, introverts, and highly sensitive people that focus on renewing self-care and deepening our connection to nature. Access her 60-Second Techniques to Release Anxiety for some fast-acting, mind-body approaches to anxiety relief.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/move-past-fear-judgment-break-silence-shame/

About Psychotherapy

Hello to everybody@

Today I would like to talk to you about Psychotherapy. As many of you have discovered psychotherapy is a treatment of a psychological nature, that is: verbal psychotherapy. The causes by which people consult psychotherapy may be emotional disturbances in affection that make them suffer or behavioral disorders derived from such alterations. These people could also consult for physical or medical reasons such as headaches or migraines, problems in the gastrointestinal tract, heart, circulatory system, respiratory system, disorders of the nervous system (such as sleep disorder) or simply because for all-purpose people don’t know how to deal with difficult situations that arise in life. But, we might also seek prevention with psychotherapy in the sense that there might be possible inadequacies or “abnormalities” in the development of the human being progress. These could cause some kind of imbalance or uncertainty to life because the behavior of human beings is never determined by a single cause, but depends on a multitude of different factors or circumstances that unite and enhance each other, such as our genetics or our most closerelationships, such us our life in the family, with friends, etc.along with experiences, learning and inner behavior that have been integrated into our character or personality development. Not to be forgotten the influences of the social and cultural context in which we havegrown!

In my opinion, the relationship between the psychotherapist and the patient is the curative factor in this treatment, this is confirmed by the current and revised binding theories. We could also add to this therapeutic factor the therapeutic pedagogy that is given when we give advice and guidance to these processes for supporting and under-standing our work in psychotherapy.

A fundamental point that we have to understand when going through a psychotherapeutic process is to understand the concept of psychic conflict; That is, the notion of intrapsychic conflict, which is when emotional disturbances are a direct consequence of difficulties, pressures, obstacles from our “internal world”.

Therefore, we not only act in a psychotherapy as counselors trying to influence people to follow this or that behavior but we intend to cancel or counteract the harmful consequences of this conflict in the subject who suffers.

Therefore psychotherapy will be performed under the following terms:

• Psychotherapy is done with a subject who is assumed to be affected by a psychic conflict. • The psychotherapist will perform the therapy with complete discretion, that is, with full confidentiality. • The purpose of psychotherapy will be to withdraw, to make disappear or to counteract the harmful effects of that conflict turn out to be harmful. • Psychotherapy will be performed with a technique previously determined by the therapeutic frameworktoward the psychologist orientation. • It will be done with explicit knowledge between both parties, with the professional dissent within the terms of his deontological code. • There will be some guidelines for systematization, frequency, duration, external frame, etc. of the psychotherapy, previously determined between therapist and patient. • The personal relationship established between psychotherapist and patient will be the only therapeutic agent used in a process of dialogue or comforting conversation.

Just like this we could tell that psychotherapy is that procedure that seeks to resolve intra-psychic conflict or mental conflict through the interpersonal relationship between the person who suffers and an expert in this type of help.

At the time of being able to explain what are we talking aboutwhen we say “psychic conflict”, we would say that we are directing our attention towards a psychic etiology in which an inadequate evolution of psycho-instinctive or psychosocial or educational development was stroke deviant, along with the massive utilization of mental defense mechanisms (such as excess of denial or blocking of affections or postponement of affections, dissociation, delusion,  repression, etc.), that weakness oneself. Therefore we could feel emotional lability or helplessness that results in childish behavior that is not appropriate to the subject’s mental age, among other abnormal behaviors.

Other general factors of psychotherapy´s demand that we could list are:

– The reactions of grief in the penalty for the loss of someone or something. – The isolation or loneliness of individuals in large cities. – Maternity; The concern of the mother for the future of her son. – Fatigue and exhaustion; Such as the so-called stress or emotional alterations. – Labor problems; which can cause us frustration and suffering such as lack of employment or work. -Etc.

With regard to the latter topic (labor problems) I would like to point out that in all of us there are biological needs for activity, not referring to movement along, but to the desire and the endeavor in life, and its dissatisfaction causes restlessness, pessimism and apathy, in addition to the natural economic concerns. On the other hand, work is the basis of acceptance and self-esteem in terms of psychosocial needs, and the indispensable condition for each individual to feel worthy and valuable. The loss of habitual work implies a disintegration of the patterns and lifestyle that the subject draws fromitself, which can be catastrophic for some people. In this sense, where I want to arrive is to the conclusion that all psychotherapy is a kind of “work”. This work we call “psychic-work”, making it so through our own thoughts, desires and actions as part of our mental structures that we have being built in.

Finally, we end up saying that psychotherapy is that procedure that practically “claims assistance” in mental health and primary care as in the intervention of anxiety or stress. Also intervening in other clinical matters such as agoraphobia, inferiority complex, insecurity, perfectionism, feelings of guilt, divorce, jealousy, emotional dependence, difficulty finding a partner, communication problems, problems of coexistence, toxic relationships, constant discussions,sex addiction, drug addiction, alcoholism, cocaine, addiction to sex, anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction or impotence, paraphilias, sexual intercourse, internet or mobile addiction, addiction to work, kleptomania, compulsive shopping, anger management, procasting, depression, apathy, existential crisis, personal crisis, bereavement, bipolar disorder, social phobia, assertiveness, difficulties to make friends or keep them, fear of social rejection, burn-out syndrome, mobbing, bullying, support for first-time parents, fear of childbirth, insomnia, stuttering, physical-psychological abuse, childhood trauma, school failure …

David Norberto Gascón Razé. Psicólogo en Madrid Tel: 636 55 45 62

http://www.psicologo-davidgascon.es

Email: [email protected]