The way you nonchalantly sometimes compare / call htb Lucifer a 'spoiled child' makes me giggle

It's worthless to call the devil a "bad guy" , he already knows that , but to call him "spoiled"? He sure as heck wouldn't see that one coming!

Lmaooo

Well, in htb au, Lucifer isn't exactly a 'bad guy'. At least, not initially. He was God's favourite and he rebelled because he didn't agree with his Father making subservient creatures with no free will. He gave humans the apple knowing full well he'd be punished for it, but he didn't ever expect to be exiled for eternity. And so he did the only thing he could once he realised God wasn't interested in listening to him and started to make noise. He essentially did the equivalent of a toddler having a temper tantrum and when that didn't work he started breaking God's toys in the hopes he would get attention. He really is a spoiled child at times, but that certainly takes on a more desperate and sinister tone as the centuries pass by.

He has spent so long convincing himself that his Father is responsible for all the evil things he's had to do that he hasn't even noticed how much like God he's become.

Like Father, like son after all.

I can't keep quiet about this

Tw S/A abuse in general PTSD

So, I finally watched all 4 episodes of Hazbin Hotel and I'm gonna share my opinion on why Husk is NOT an asshole for what he said to Angel.

And you guys WILL listen to my perspective as a man who has been sexually assaulted 3 times and relates to Angel heavily in terms of coping, trauma etc etc.

Let's start with obvious things. Did Husk call Angel a whiny power bottom piss baby? Yeah he did. But most of you are not seeing WHY he said that.

A shit ton of people who have been raped in the past turn to sexualizing themselves as a coping mechanism. They act "slutty", turn to dangerous behaviors and addictions to get back control of their bodies that they were stripped of when they were abused. Which is also what Angel does. He can't act how he feels so he doesn't have to actually accept what happened to him, he hides in his fantasies where he is nothing but a toy, where it was his decision to be used wherever Valentino wants to.

He did, in fact, need something as strong as the words Husk said to break free of trying to be the person he is not. If Husk never approached him, never came to that bar, Angel would get drugged, raped, then he would go back to the hotel and cry himself to sleep, so the cycle would continue. And he would never ever complain, because he chose to just act like he wants it.

He didn't just call Angel a crybaby.

Instead, he showed Angel that it's fine if he sucks - everybody does to some degree. But it's fine if he does. He doesn't have to be perfect, he doesn't have to hide in his little world where nothing bad happens to him. He can be himself, and he also has a community that will support and love him, no matter what happens to him.

And Angel accepts this. He can finally start healing after years upon years of sexual abuse.

This episode is so fucking powerful. As a rape victim, I didn't see Husk shit-talking him for the entire song. I saw that I, like Angel, have a community. That I can be happy even if I don't act sexually. That I can accept and move on. Open your fucking eyes.

PLS HELP ME WHAJT IS THIS TOMFUCKERY??????????? HELP ME PLS PLS PLSSS HELP TOIPAD EXPERT 😭

SPOILERS FOR INANIMATE INSANITY S2 AND MENTIONS OF ABUSE, INC*ST AND P*DOPHILIA BELOW.

Oh, boy, this'll be a long one.

Minuet isn't here to answer himself, but LMAOOOOO?????? Personally I wouldn't say anything Bug (@bugdatabase) hasn't said in this post.

https://www.tumblr.com/bugdatabase/740813373718118400/not-an-anon-calling-toipad-proship-as-an

But! If you want to go even further with the evidence: In this post, Justin himself says that “[He] always felt that PayJay (a ship with a character he voices) is a pretty cool ship).”

Besides, we (Minuet and I) both find it ridiculous to tell someone who is, under the transmitter's point of view, “uninformed” (someone who, under the point of view of someone who thinks it's a proship, likely doesn't know) to “get their senses together”. That's just plain rude. Even if it was a proship, there is a clear lack of tact in this ask, and articulating it differently could have made a different, likely more positive impact. Going “hey, this ship is problematic jsyk” is less aggressive, and in the case that the person /is/ in fact uninformed, can be taken more lightly and solved more amicably.

(But of course, Tumblr is not always amicable, is it?)

In the second post attached, Justin also says that we as a community should value our own sense of interpretation as long as it doesn't go completely against the canon of the show. Which it doesn't, because Toilet and MePad literally make up in canon! And they are shown to be friends after T&B! Even after MYOB, you've got to accept that if they aren't in good terms, MePad did everything he could to convince MePhone to let Toilet stay. Toilet is very compassionate, and even if they’re stuck in a strange desencuentro, he would definitely know this.

Yes, MePad not helping him definitely would leave a mark in their relationship, but that doesn't make the ship abusive or toxic in any way. They were stuck in the middle of a chain of unhealed generational trauma, but none of them are abusive. It's all a petty one-sided conflict for MePhone4’s attention. Toilet doesn't know how to react to being thrown aside, so he develops a strange unrequited rivalry towards MePad. The thing is though! They make up! They communicate their feelings to one another!

Is Toilet hateable under popular perspective? Probably. He's clumsy, loud, not very bright and made for you to either hate him or laugh at him. But that doesn't mean that he isn't a character worth analyzing. He deserves love, which he never receives, even after 14 episodes of dealing with what he deals with. I know it's silly to sympathize with a fictional toilet, but he really does deserve more development and closure for his arc, and as Minuet has expressed in the past, MePad (character) has what it takes to break the cycle and provide him with the affection that he needs. (We're guiding ourselves based off our own analyses of II S2 and canon itself, btw. Not any theories.)

Conclusion: Leave ToiPad and its shippers alone. It is not a problematic ship. Neither of them are abusive, Justin is not uncomfortable with ships of the characters they voice, and it is most definitely Not inc*stuous and/or p*dophilic.

- Nonne (🔪)

It never ceases to baffle me how the fandom can use a certain logic to achieve one desired conclusion (see: MXTX wouldn't make an openly gay character in a homophobic world a harasser, so MXY hasn't actually harassed JGY) even if it goes against the text itself (MXY admitting in his diaries that he has harassed fellow Jin disciples) while the same logic doesn't work for them the other way around in the favor of the character they don't like (while MXTX would not do the aforementioned case, she would, however, make the character that is the son of a sex worker, and continuously discriminated against, considered dirty, belittled and ridiculed for it throughout the story a groomer who led a teenager MXY on so he could later accuse him of harassment) while this too, goes against the text (again, MXY admitting he has harassed someone in his diaries (he might have very well mentioned Jiggy in his diaries but not as Jin Guangyao, or Lianfang-Zun, Sect leader, or Xiandu or anything that WWX would know. but with the name MXY would call his older brother. maybe "ge" or something. then, if he had mentioned him in an inappropriate way, WWX wouldn't have made the connection that MXY was talking about his real brother), the text offering nothing to prove the contrary, JGY most likely wanting to avoid any rumors that would relate him to incest, the text going out of its way to give us info about JGY's nonexistent sex life in 3 different occasions, even though we had no business knowing about it, the first mention being literally in his introduction, when it's said that he's known for being extremely loyal to his wife, unlike other men in his position (showing us that he's traumatized by his father's behavior and would never repeat it), then at the Guanyin temple when he says that he's never touched QS after finding out the truth (if he's loyal to Qin Su, and hasn't touched QS for more than a decade, then by now he's essentially reset to factory settings and is a virgin again), then when his mother is offended again and Xue Yang offers that he should fuck the offenders' moms and JGY says that he's not in such habits and Xue Yang confirms that yes, that's not JGY's ways. Even when they're being openly villainous and have nothing to hide from each other. and I don't think it would be too much of a reach to think that a teenager in a brothel who looks notably like his mom and would be considered a "pretty boy" in ancient times with no child services would not be a stranger to nasty looks from grown men and thus would have trauma related to grooming.)

of course, the logic is flawed in general. Because MXY has allegedly committed harassment in one form or another and JGY did force a group of sex workers to rape his father to death, and then to continue even after his death, and then killed them all. Because the cycle of violence is one of the recurring themes in the book. And is broken by only a handful of characters, and even then in some of their cases not in all aspects.

And I won't even open the can of worms that is the Yunmeng Shuangjie. (because apparently, JC is toxic and bad for WWX even pre-time-skip because...he jokes around with his brother?...but WWX is not toxic and bad for JC when he jokes around with his brother? (this has a simple reason, and that is that nobody is toxic and bad for someone else due to joking around in a harmless way, especially among siblings.) And JC and WWX have a toxic relationship and can only break up because JC just keeps nagging WWX, while WWX causing trouble for JC & their sect every second of the day because he does whatever he wants and says whatever he wants in front of whoever he wants is not stressful for JC. (again, The Yunmeng bros themselves enjoy this dynamic. Or at least think the other parts of their relationship is worth putting up with these annoyances. WWX annoys JC every chance he gets and actively kickstarts JC's naggings. JC's life is dull and dark and boring without WWX's shenanigans and the dramas he causes. He himself thinks that having WWX in his life is worth the trouble. JC makes WWX more responsible, while WWX makes JC more carefree. they're good for each other.)

So as we saw, usually, when a certain logic doesn't work both ways it's because it's flawed. make sure to not use a certain logic in your determination to defend a character that should technically work for the character you hate, too.

I was suddenly hit with the idea of Hidden Omega! Billy trying to fight his instincts to take care of the kids after they imprint on him in S2 and I just needed to write it out. This may or may not end up a one-shot series later on down the road.

So his pack is really big in California and he's like the baby of his friend group and they all try to protect him and take care of him because they know what he is. His dad finds him getting cozy with one of the alphas in his pack and all of sudden, he's shipped off to Hawkins with only Max as his remaining pack and he's forced to pretend to be an alpha because his dad is sick and tired of having a "pathetic omega" for a son. He and Max are worlds closer already because she's like his pup and they met right around when he presented so he is very overprotective of her.

Cue him finding his pup and another pup in danger in the junkyard since he actually gave a shit and found out about Max sneaking out sooner and he tracked their pack bond to the junk yard. He goes all feral at the demodogs and when he finds out that there were more pups in danger, he begrudgingly agreed to help. There isn't a fight between him and Steve and surprisingly, they get through it without any major hiccups. He doesn't hurt Lucas or anything like that because he sees their entire group as his pups. They come out of it bonded into a pack through mutual trauma though so after everything, Billy struggles with trying to help the kids to assuage his instincts while hiding the fact that he is an omega.

Maybe, he has individual encounters with the kids and they slowly put together the puzzle with El being the very last one. Maybe, he scares the hell out of Troy and James when they try to bully Will and he starts driving Will with Max because he doesn't want it to happen again. Maybe, he sees Dustin struggling with an English assignment in the library and he helps him work on his essay and even get his first A+ in English for the year. Maybe, he sees Lucas practicing to get into the basketball team and he offers to give him some pointers in a 1-on-1 session that becomes a bi-monthly thing. Maybe, he clears things up between Mike and Will before things can become toxic and he clears up Mike's image on gay people in general. Maybe, he's asked last minute by a harried Joyce to watch over El and Will one night when Hopper had an emergency in the station and she had to take over the midnight shift at Melvald's and El happily asks him to make a nest for them to cuddle in while they watch movies and he doesn't bother correcting her and that's how Will finds out that Billy's an omega.

The kids all meet up at Steve's house for a D&D session, talking about anything and everything while waiting for Max and Billy when Steve pipes up about Billy being weird and sharing food with him and commenting on his lack of sleep and his weight loss. The kids all share about their personal experiences with Will not bothering to pipe up and El making a comment that he's just being how he is. When Billy arrives, he has snacks for the kids because while his dad wants Billy to be an alpha he's still a sexist asshole who thinks omegas are only meant to cook and clean and take care of kids.

Things come to a head when Steve forgets to keep track of his rut cycle and he ends up starting his rut in basketball practice. No one can get near him until Billy pulls off his multiple scent blockers and the feral alpha calms down at the scent of his pack omega. In a small town like Hawkins, news travels fast and that night, since Billy had helped Steve go home, Neil practically breaks down Steve's door only to find himself faced with Billy's new pack which includes the Chief and his daughter with mind powers. Needless to say, Neil loses any say he has on his children's lives that night and he runs away like a coward. Steve courts Billy all proper while the kids revel at having a proper Pack Mom and Pack Dad who provides for them and takes care of them.

BIG umineko spoilers up to episode 4 end stretch - grooming, implied incest/pedophilia mention; talking thru some theories/observations

am i misremembering or wasnt (someone calling herself) beatrice raised from birth in kuwadorian. everyone keeps calling her kinzo's mistress and it's like. oh they don't know...

im sure the ambiguity is intentional because the point is that we can't really pin down her age (or even how many fucking beatrices there are), but it keeps coming back to me. beatrice's drunk furniture talk in episode 4 is like really sharp when you look at all this.

they repeatedly draw attention to beatrice's age, both physically and how she acts, and age-appropriateness in general. it strikes me a lot how everyone treats battler as an adult man, even though he's only 18 and self-admittedly not very mature. arrested by trauma, none of the family members really know how to grow up, and the line between fantasy and reality is blurred.

i wonder if the thing where it seems she (or someone calling herself beatrice) perhaps had some feelings for battler in the past is related to all this. she's trapped in this birdcage, and yet suddenly there's this guy who doesn't accept the family's values. without even realizing the significance of what he's doing, he challenges them and escapes their clutches, seemingly simply because it's in his stubborn nature (and perhaps related to his "true" identity).

but he stops thinking. he doesn't build a case or try to justify it. he doesn't change anything, he doesn't protect or save anyone but himself. in the end, he swallows down the family's poison, thinking he was naive and childish for leaving. and of course, beatrice who knows little more than her cage, torn between contempt and appreciation for it, is going to push and prod at him, trying to make him remember why he left in the first place, and why he left her there. you were the only one who got your head above the water, but you didn't even realize you were breathing for the first time!

just as a matter of my personal opinion about Breaking The Cycles, i feel like a big point is that ultimately you have to be the one to break it yourself. it would be kind of lame if he just white knight saved her--but i think it's extremely understandable that a big part of her wants that.

it's hard to move away from an abusive narrative when your vantage point is so limited (remember the talk about seeing things from multiple perspectives to create a 3D composite?). beatrice's endless magic is the limitless power she has to consider everything that happened and make sense of it. but it's coated in mysticism, in kinzo's magic explanations. because it's endless, it's also inescapable. she's looking for an "out", and battler seems like one, so intent on denial. but i think with her resignation from the game, she's lost faith in him. she's retreating into her role. i'm losing my train of thought here but yeah

i think this is... really missing the specifics of who these characters are, the identity switches and so on, but i do think that it's an emotional narrative that has some credence.

beatrice has multiple selves, some fawning and some fighting, and struggles to resolve the various truths of her existence. reflected in the eyes of someone so intent to challenge everything she is, there's the opportunity that he might cut through and excise the internalized narratives that keep her chained to her role(s). but as we get through episode 4, it's clearer that he simply can't see her, he doesn't even understand the game he's playing--its emotional component, the motives. It isn't about what actually logically happened, it's about what those various speculations mean about who we are and who we can become.

...

...

...Nice petscop reference

bonding. //the playlist

for the folks who want something to listen to while you read bonding., here are some of the songs that i felt fit the fic. ♡

if you want a detailed reason/analysis (song-by song) head under the cut. otherwise, enjoy. and thank you to everyone who supports this fic!

after midnight - wayv this song is all about the baser/physical aspects of intimacy, it's night-based, and it talks a lot about secrets and desires. my favorite line is: that someone's scent and someone's secret, someone's scent breaks the gap between each other - which i'm sure sounds more eloquent in chinese. (translation here!)

the summoning - sleep token i know this is the "token astarion thirst trap song" but i think i particularly like the lines: raise me up again, take me past the edge, i want to see the other side. new life, pushing boundaries in a healthy way.

rain - sleep token favorite lines: and i don't wanna get in your way but i finally think i can say that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me - nuff said.

hell above - pierce the veil cannot spend another night in this home i close my eyes and take a breath real slow the consequence is if i leave, I'm alone but what's the difference when you beg for love? this song is very astarion to me, i feel like it's reminiscent of his escape/kidnapping at the very beginning of the game, as well as that first sexual encounter.

first light - hozier another token astarion song! festé, to me, is very sun-coded. and i think this would be astarion's way of saying that he didn't know things could be this good before that damned imp walked unceremoniously into his life.

haunted - type o negative this part: a living flame, impossible to resist; burning me deep with every bite, kiss and lick. astarion's thirst, and the effect festé's blood and body seems to have on him. also, the way he can't figure them out even though they're very up-front about the things they say and do.

sexual healing - marvin gaye, kygo this one is pretty obvious but!

mother may i - coheed & cambria i wanted to grab this one as a nod to one of astarion's voice lines. but this line: god only knows when your word isn't pure, and the blood on your hands isn't yours screams to astarion's guilt for manipulating them. oopsie

boy division - my chemical romance this line: i buy my enemies rope to hang me and the knives to gang me; you can watch them stab me on your television referring to astarion feeling like he was complicit in his own trauma, and the anger that goes along with that. also the coffin part (:'D)

vampires will never hurt you - my chemical romance can you take this spike? will it wash away this jet black feeling? i think, deep down, he feels guilty for having to feed on them, and in general, being the way that he is. of course, they accept him fully but he doesn't accept that, not at the start. also heehoo vampire song

please please please let me get what i want - deftones good times for a change that's it, post. no but this version of this song to me speaks desire, not just melancholy and longing like the smiths (i honestly hate the smiths). deftones brought a more "feral" quality to this cover that i really like.

vore - sleep token your flesh and bone welcome me in, welcome me in are you in pain like i am? will we remain stuck in the throat of gods? will the pain stop if we go deeper? this one is for both of them, honestly. that moment where you realize that, emotionally and physically, you're in too deep with someone to quit, to cut things off.

irresistible - fall out boy this is just for the bdsm elements HAH. no but this entire song, i don't know why it fits them both exactly, but it does. the way they both go through the absolute worst trauma (both apart and together) and can still mostly laugh, shrug, make love, and keep on living.

w.a.m.s. - fall out boy my head's in heaven, my soles are in hell let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well on astarion's side, it's a song about feeling like he's the sum of his past deeds. on festé's, it's a song about meeting in the middle and being physically present.

big iron - marty robbins this... lmfao. i was listening to spotify on shuffle and i was like this is so... unserious. festé would love this song. but this (and the wanderer) point to the many adventures they've had before they met astarion. and how they're generally a judicious and "good" person.

the wanderer - dion festé slept around a lot before this, and on the surface, they might seem like a ripple on the water. moving around a lot, having lots of sexual conquests, etc. for as short as their life has been relative to astarion's, they've certainly lived a lot. he's changed them though, they want to stay in one place now.

drowning - radio company this is more under the surface with festé. i feel like if they were here in modern times, they would love folk and americana music. they may look like a thembo, but underneath that, they're emotionally complex and actually quite guarded. specifically this line: hold the day oh we pray to make it through the night i think would have been a hard-hitter in the very end of the netherbrain conflict. they were trying really hard to hold it together for the sake of everyone else, and that's something they really struggle with emotionally; feeling like the world rests on their shoulders.

forever ain't long - radio company take me to heaven or wherever you're from back where it started before the hurt came along this is love, plain and simple, from festé to astarion. it also hints at something they're going to go through in a much later chapter in the fic.

undisclosed desires - muse i listened to this a lot when i was writing //taking. festé is the type of top/dom that intensely cares about whoever it is that they're sleeping with. they're a service top, plain and simple. luckily, they're pretty forthcoming with how they approach topping someone else, though. they want to find exactly what the other person needs, and provide it. i know you've suffered but i don't want you to hide it's cold and loveless i won't let you be denied

coming of age ceremony - hyolyn, xia this song was another one i listened to a lot during //taking. it's about coming into a different role. it's the switch song. hahah it's actually a cover! i think the duet makes it really... sensual. give me twenty stems of roses so i can feel your love is a BAR. 20 roses is symbolic of sincerity and a deep belief in something, so i thought it fit well with the theme of commitment and exploration. (translation here!)

i'll keep you safe - sagun it's really simple, it's a lofi song. does what it says on the can. i imagine it being the background song to the two of them drifting off to sleep in each others' arms, as cheesy as that sounds. they haven't spent a night apart since act 2, give them a break.

tell it to my heart - meduza, hozier this is the song that plays in astarion's head whenever he gets really down on himself. i don't know that he'll ever truly believe he deserves someone like festé, and this is the little voice in his head confirming that. it alludes to him tending to misread situations that are actually innocent, which i think is something a lot of people who have trauma can relate to - jumping to the worst conclusions. what he doesn't know that deep down, they feel the same way.

it's not a side effect of the cocaine, i am thinking it must be love - fall out boy put your hand between an aching head and an aching world we'll make them so jealous we'll make them hate us those moments where astarion is trapped in his memories and he feels his imp touching him and grounding him back in the moment? yeah, i think of this line. they both want to show the other off, they're both so proud of each other and so DISGUSTINGLY in love.

Are there any lines or scenes in WMAS that you're really proud of that you wanna shed a spotlight on?

this is a hard question bc wmas is smth i like to call an ensamble fic (its literally just pov alternating) so it kiiiinda doesnt narrow ANYTHING down for me in terms of specific scenes.

hm. you know what? lemme show you smth.

(taken from ch 1) Uncle Michelangelo said that the old New York could be really pretty. There were so many lights that made the fog glow a brilliant color that makes everything magical. Quieter, he told Casey that there was always a person behind those lights. Someone was always adding to the beauty.

(taken from ch 2)

He takes his time turning around in place, seeing the tall battered buildings covered in bright colors of paint. Greenery of plants overtake the sides of buildings, framing the bright formless graffiti, the dull grey of concrete to something colorful. It clings to the bricks in a relentless enduring grasp of life. From the windows of the buildings shine lights through them. Multicolored, like they are the LCD screens from Times Square. It’s bright. There are no people, the city is in shambles, but it’s still alive. 

oh yeah the dreamscape is a fucking call back lads. and let me tell you there are more in the fic

(taken from ch 4)

Raph lets out a breath. “That’s going to be hard to find. Some of dad’s old stuff is still in the old lair and we haven’t really… cleared it out the first time.”

(taken from ch 8)

“Is there a reason why Dad and April came back into the lair covered in debris looking upset?”

i keep a lot of details in my brain (dming dnd for my friends trained me whether i liked it or not)

(taken from ch 1)

“Never will the Hamatos continue to live to be sacrificed, not if I have anything to say about it.” Splinter pokes a finger to April’s chest, right above her heart, “I will hold our family close and never let go.”

(taken from ch 3)

Splinter had to think about death a lot recently. Forced to, really. He’s had to think about death a lot in his life in general! It clings to the very fiber of his being in a way where every bad coping mechanism looks just a little too tempting to take up on. Then the Shredder happened, something he thought was complete and utter bullshit that took his mother, seemingly, for no reason. The Hamato legacy he grew up to resent came back to haunt him with a ferocious force, and it hurt his boys. 

(taken from ch 4)

Splinter was so adamant about giving her a second chance after the fight with Shredder. He saw himself in Cassandra in such a personal way that no one else in the family would get. He was willing to let Casey stick around close too. He saw himself in the Joneses that she can never really understand. April doesn’t know the full weight of what it’s like carrying a legacy. She shares that burden with the boys, but to bear it alone like Splinter did, like Casey has been, like Cassandra is doing now?  Fuck, man. How lonely does that feel?

(taken from ch 7)

The hovering and the mother-henning was annoying, sure, he'll give you that. The fact that he had to see how each of his family members grieve over the choice he had to make to save the world? Absolutely hellish, would not recommend. He can see how much it haunts Dad. He can see how much it weighed over his siblings. They all know that it was do or die. It doesn't make the choice any less harder to bear.

something about fucked up legacies, something about generational trauma, something about trying to break a cycle when everything in the world is not letting you

[and a little bonus line for a chapter in the future ;] <3]

hey it's the same anon as last time ^^ i'll try to stop by your inbox more often when i have the time and some thoughts to share. discussing these things is fun and you make such great points about the characters and the story. i'll be signing these asks with lil anon (like lil buddy 😼) so you know it's me. and good to hear! i hope you continue to get better 🥰

i get why you're invested in kousuke's story. he is, objectively, a really interesting character. it's unfortunate that people disregard him, bc understanding him is a key part of understanding the story. and understanding him doesn't necessarily mean having sympathy/empathy for him. like on a personal level i can't stand him and want to smack him with a broom lmao but as a reader/observer it's interesting to try and understand his motivations/actions, if that makes sense 🤞

oh yeah you're completely right about kou getting worse as the story progresses. his recent development has felt like watching a car crash in slow motion - tragic, but fascinating and you can't look away. if ily was a less interesting story, a character like kousuke (typical rich asshole with some redeeming qualities) would have had significant growth by now. but that would be such a cliché, right?

and sometimes i do wonder if kousuke is doomed by the narrative, or if he eventually will be able to break free from... himself, essentially. the thing is, kousuke's is trapped. in order to grow and change, he needs to separate himself from the hiraharas/this fake reality that's been constructed from him, and see his situation from a different perspective. but in order to even want to change, he needs to grow as a character first. which he cannot do as long as he's involved with the family. it's like a snake eating its own tail. nothing/no one has been able to get through to him yet, so i guess there needs to be an outside force (maybe a revelation) that breaks him out of this cycle, shatters the very foundation of his fake reality, or maybe removes his safety net. and i really wonder what's that going to be. like... even though christmas is coming up in the ily universe, i doubt he'll be visited by the ghosts of the present, past, and yet to come and then all of a sudden he's a gentler, kinder man the next day lmaooo idk what do you think it'll be that's going to push him towards (positive) change? i think it's undeniable that kousuke needs to crash and burn first, and then maybe he can build himself up from the ground. i really do hope that's what's going to happen eventually! he is (mostly) a victim of his upbringing/environment, so it'd be nice to see him make steps towards growth/healing/being his own person. either way we're still so far from anything like this happening so who knows.

re: nol and fear - wow i didn't make the connection that nol is also driven by his fears, but you're absolutely right. i saw him as someone mostly controlled by self-loathing/self-destructiveness/low self-esteem, but these feelings are ultimately rooted in his fears. thanks for pointing that out. such an interesting parallel between the brothers.

all the ways the brothers are two completely different people with similar issues are endlessly fascinating to me (i just love me a complex siblings dynamic). you mentioned that neither of them have that family relationship with their parents at this point, and i agree. however, i think it's important to keep in mind that a key factor in nol and kousuke being such different people are that their early days were completely different.

nol had a very loving mother who shaped him during his most critical years of development (ages 0 to 5). and i actually believe nol got his best qualities (kind, caring, generous, brave, funny, etc) and morals from nessa, not rand. also, the hiraharas hadn't poisoned him yet. the layers of pain and trauma came later. on the other hand, kousuke received a completely different version of care and was taught a number of really negative traits - that his wealth and name make him better than other people, that his family doesn't function like others do and that that's normal, that he shouldn't feel guilty taking advantage of people and situations, that he deserves to have everything he wants, that his sole purpose is to inherit the company, and - as you said - that love as a reward, rather than something he's inherently deserving of. no wonder nol was/is such a threat to him - he's competition, and there can only be one winner. how can this boy, a 'mistake', have received this "reward" (=rand's love (nol hasn't actually received it but kousuke thinks he did)) so easily, when he didn't do anything to deserve it? that can only mean that nol is better, that kousuke is in his shadow, somehow inferior. and that just contradicts kousuke's entire worldview. idk it's just. much to think about.

oh wow i wrote so much, sorry about that. btw feel free to copypaste this in a separate post under a cut so it doesn't take up too much space if you feel like it, i wouldn't mind! have a good weekend 💗 - lil anon

Lil' Anon, I love it, perfect! Hehe!!!

You are SO right about Kousuke, too, in that you don't have to love a character to enjoy them. In-verse I would not get along with Kousuke or even want anything to do with him lol. He frustrates me a LOT - but right, you can understand WHY a character is frustrating. You can become invested while knowing you would absolutely fight them lol. The thing about compelling characters is that, for the most part, they are the drivers of plot and story and if they aren't a character worth investing in, you run the risk of caricatures of antagonists, villains who fall flat and cartoonish. ILY certainly borrows from the truth that everyone is going through something, no matter who they are. That doesn't always validate what they do, but as far as a story and PLOT goes, it makes everything far more interesting. That's the main thing I want people to come away with, not just as far as ILY goes but media in general. Because it's fiction, there is no harm in enjoying an antagonist. Your plot and story wouldn't be as enjoyable if they WEREN'T compelling or intriguing. When I say Kou has become a character I'm very invested in, it doesn't mean I approve of the things he does. In fact, I root for him BECAUSE I want to see him grow, because I want to see if he ever takes the reigns on his life and comes to much-needed realizations.

Because you are right - there is a big chance that Kousuke IS doomed by the narrative. I've talked about this re: Alyssa before, too, in that just as in real life, there's a chance he may never come to the terms he needs to. He may never find his way out of his safety spots, may never try to leave what is safe and secure. That's what's so important about acknowledging how fear drives him - if he cannot overcome that fear of being uncomfortable, of facing disappointment, of being outside what he finds safe and secure, then he really can't make the changes he needs to. He won't have the opportunity to see himself in a way that might give him the perspective he needs. In general, growth requires courage. If we want to grow, we have to face scenarios that bring us discomfort, that maybe make us fall apart, in order for us to learn just how much we can take, just how much we can overcome. But Kousuke has never really been in that kind of position. He's had everything handed to him, whether or not he wants it to be.

I really like the analogy that it's like a snake eating its own tail; I think that really sums up the vicious cycle and why we've not seen him wake up to reality, why things seem to go in one ear and out the other.

Over on reddit I've been talking to someone a lot about Kousuke, too, and a thought we share is that not only does Kousuke need that crash and burn - I think everyone is in agreement about that! - but maybe something that can be a wake up call for him is his career. They made some really great points, too, I'll link to their response here, but we know that Kousuke isn't truly happy in his life and career. To him, we endure uncomfortable situations, or one's that aren't fun because that's life. We don't live in an ideal world, we have to do whatever we can to get by. But Kousuke literally could have his pick of anything in the world, couldn't he? At some point, when does he realize he's unfulfilled? The whole purpose of his career trajectory was to earn Rand's affection. At what point does he realize it isn't going to happen - if he's not already at that realization? At what point does the empty, hollowness set in? When does he realize he doesn't feel fulfilled because none of this was for HIM, this doesn't mean anything to him without Rand acknowledging him? And suppose he does get that acknowledgement. Then what? The quest is over, there's no higher goals, nothing more to achieve. Oh, sure, he can go on to be the CEO as he was born to. But would it MEAN anything to him?

I'm thinking - or hoping? - that this might be the kind of thing that gives him the wake up call. That there is no point in his life that brings him joy - except maybe eating sweets lol. But that can only be a catalyst. You're right in that a big need is for him to get away from his family, for him to exist outside of their reach, to lose that safety net.

I have a couple thoughts in this regard. Whatever Yujing is working on - likely an expose - syncs up with Shinae's graduation and Nol's release from prison. It clearly has to do with the Hiraharas - and this means Kousuke, as well. When she found out Nol had pleaded guilty, she'd been looking at an old article about Nol attacking Kousuke, which we've seen may not be what we thought it was at all, that perhaps it was Kousuke who attacked and Yui blamed Nol. There's also that incident Kousuke is so DESPERATE to hide, something Yujing knows about. It seems likely that this expose, this piece, is something that could taint the Hirahara name. Even if Kousuke was not involved in other aspects, this would end up affecting him, because a major part of his identity is that he is the Heir, so what happens if his identity is that he's the Heir of a dirty family? If it becomes known that he is not the ideal gentleman bachelor he's been made out to be? Is that enough to make him step back and see his family - especially his safety net Yui - in a new light?

There's also my favorite crack theory, that Kousuke is not Rand's son. Now, again, I don't necessarily think I believe in this as much as I enjoy exploring it, but there's been a number of little moments that feel like they could be foreshadowing - or red herrings lol. Suppose it was true, Rand isn't actually Kousuke's father. Aside from the fact that he's spent his whole life trying to earn love from this man, I think it would also be detrimental in that he'd finally have to face the unsavory parts of Yui that he tries to ignore or deny. The one pillar in his life having lied to him and egged him on to chase after this pipedream, reassured him that if he's good enough, he'd be acknowledged. Wouldn't that shatter him? Again, I'm not so sure if this is likely - it kind of feels overdramatic, but then again, the deeper we delve into the story, the more those kinds of dramatics start to feel normal.

At any rate, yes, I think he needs a wake up call that will make him see his family for what they are, make him see himself in a different light. And that's just the beginning! I really look forward to our big timeskip to see where we find Kousuke, if he's yet in a place where he can start making these changes to himself, if he's got a security network to push him to make those changes (and if he cares enough to do it lol).

Also yes, yes, very good points about Nol! Nol and Kousuke are definitely foils in that Nol had the kind of nurturing, affectionate childhood that Kousuke lacked. We've seen instances of Nol surrounded by peers his own age and we might be able to assume that, aside from being teased for having such a long name, maybe he actually got along with them? But also, because of the teasing incident, Nol had that safe space in his mother - Nessa comforted him and gave him a nickname to make up for the teasing. We've never once see Kousuke receive such affection, and I just always think about that little flashback where he's in the bush watching Nessa dote on Nol and then Yui appears before him without eyes. It's such a cold relationship, it doesn't feel like it was nurturing. She goes through the motions of being a mother, certainly, but that's the thing - the difference between mother and mom. Nol had a mom, Kousuke had a mother. And we can see that even when Nol was driven by fear, even when he was trying to distance himself, he couldn't help but indulge in those traits his mother passed on to him. He started to care about the friendships that weren't supposed to matter because he's such an empathetic person. He understands loneliness so well, how could he help but reach out to people he thought needed help? But Kousuke never developed those kinds of skills or traits. How is he meant to empathize with or understand people he was literally raised to see himself apart from. They're not like him, they are Other. Literally a formative foundation of the way he views the world!

Light and shadow plays such a role in the ILY universe. Nol is literally in the shadows, but Kousuke thinks that its him who is in the shadow cast by Nol, that he cannot let Nol shine, lest it drown out his own light. I think that really sums up the root of their relationship and their issues: Nol didn't so much want to shine as much as just share that spot with Kousuke. I think at some point he gave up trying to earn Rand's favor and instead sought out Kousuke who was in the same boat as him. But Kousuke thinks only one of them can be in the light and if it's not him, that means it's Nol - Nol who is so undeserving who hasn't put in the same effort as him. Isn't that funny? Kousuke literally was born into privilege, knows he is afforded things most others never will be, knows that he has things others could work for their whole lives and never possess. But he thinks it's Nol who has earned something without making any effort. The irony of it, man.

Don't feel bad about how much you wrote hehehe! I.... also cannot hold back when it comes to anything ILY so I'm delighted to receive equally long messages haha! Looking forward to more fun conversation with you, Lil Anon! And thank you for the well wishes! I'm going to try to make myself do more painting today! Fingers crossed (I am not doing the best job at taking care of myself this week lol I'm hoping some painting will help!)

I had only seen spoilers of the new Geats ep so far but I'm gonna Rudi Wenders-ify Michinaga in my mind you can't stop me

Thing is I had been wanting to write that vampire!AU for the Geats OT4 and originally I wanted to write Michinaga as being turned into a vampire, but then I decided I could adapt Vamp!lore instead then I remembered Rudi and I went OH SHIT

And because not a lot of people know Rudi in the west (in fact, only like ten people do) (and only like two of us know both him AND Michinaga, lol), lemme ramble a bit about him.

Rudi Wenders is a character in Narita Ryohgo's light novels titled Vamp! To give a brief synopsis about those novels - they are about vampires. Duh.

Rudi isn't a vampire, though. Rudi befriended a vampire he shouldn't have, and in return, that vampire destroyed Rudi's entire life. He killed everyone around him, pretty much only leaving Rudi and his best friend (who also befriended the vampire) alive. So Rudi stayed behind, broken, traumatized - and filled with rage and hatred for all vampires. (Trauma -> hatred for an entire group based on that. hmmm.)

So when he was approached by other vampires to work for them, to get the power to be stronger, to be able to hunt vampires - he accepted. He willingly worked for other vampires in his pursuit of power, wanting to hunt down the person who destroyed his life. And he got stronger. And stronger. And stronger. (blinded desire to get stronger, even accepting powers from shady sources in a way that could be deemed hypocritical hmmm)

And it reached the point his body started to literally fall apart because it just couldn't keep up with what he had done to himself. (HMMMM I WONDER WHERE I AM GOING WITH IT)

And through all these years of breaking his own body apart, festering in his own rage and thirst for revenge he got completely blinded. See, he also blamed himself. "If I wouldn't have befriended that vampire, none of that would have happened", and so it reached a point when he had seen other humans being close to vampires he went absolutely berserk. He damn near killed that human in his blinded rage. (So... seeing someone who is kinda naive, and represents something that conflates with your worldview - aka "vampires and humans cannot coexist" or "all kamen riders suck", and going murderous on them? HMMMMMM.)

Rudi looked at himself, and realised a simple truth - in his quest for power and revenge, he became just as bad as the vampire who set his hometown on fire and murdered everyone there.

And Rudi decided "I don't care" and he kept going. (Hmmmm)

The thing about Rudi is, though - all these years of rage, and when he was standing face to face with Theo (the vampire who ruined his life) again - well. That confrontation did Not go the way he thought it would.

Narita in general is a very interesting writer because Revenge is a theme that comes back through many of his stories, and always treats it differently - there are characters who get their revenge, and then go and live normal lives, there are characters who get their revenge and realize they are irreversibly broken by that point, there are characters who decide revenge just simply isn't worth it.

Rudi isn't allowed to get his revenge, and Rudi breaks.

He decides he doesn't care about cycle of revenge shit. He doesn't care if he is becoming as bad as Theo. And yet, he breaks. Because he realizes he didn't know everything about Theo, and what happened that night, and why did they happen the way they did. Was his vengeance misplaced? No. It was still Theo who murdered all those innocent people and it was an irrefutable fact. But there were still pieced of the puzzle he didn't know and while it didn't absolve Theo of his sins, it sure as fuck placed a lot of things about Rudi's beliefs into a different context. Because Rudi was convinced that everyone had died because he befriended Theo, and that just means humans and vampires cannot coexist -> and let's just say that uhhhh the context was uhhhhh a tad bit different. Not different enough to completely flip a switch, but different enough to shake Rudi's entire worldview.

Also Rudi was supposed to die, only to have his cells forcefully reanimated, keeping him alive, so uh Get Jyamatoified Idiot

Sure you can argue Rudi had lost way more to go off the deep end the way he did - but he not only had done worse things, he also got broken more by the latest volumes. (Vamp! VI when?) Rudi went through a lot more harrowing shit (I barely even scratched the surface here, the entire thing is SUPER fucked up), but also Rudi had done A LOT OF FUCKED UP SHIT HIMSELF OKAY. Most Vamp! readers I know went through a period of "FUCK Rudi" while reading the books before we also got clobbered by the reveals, okay.

Rudi and Theo are not like Michinaga and Ace. Michinaga projects his hatred for Kamen Riders at Ace, who in his mind embodies everything that Riders are, meanwhile Theo is the direct cause of Rudi's trauma. Also because it's a written medium with revolving POV, we DO get to peek into Rudi's mind multiple times so we KNOW his thought processes exactly - there aren't even many illustrations of him, and only One where we do see his face, and that is post-breakdown. For Michinaga all we can go off are his words, actions, and how Mokudai plays him.

I wish I would have something smart to say. But last we saw Rudi he was a broken mess, his entire worldview kicked over again, and we don't know how his story will end. Maybe we never will. Editors don't seem to really want Narita to write Vamp! Editors don't really seem to let Narita publish Baccano! either let alone Vamp!, lol.

But the end result is the same - Rudi and Michinaga, two characters so blinded by their quest for revenge they were willing to destroy everything, including themselves to get it, consequences be damned. You could argue Rudi was a bit more self-aware about his own hypocrisy, but knowing and not caring is still fucked up, isn't it?

And yet I just want both of them to be happy in the end. I'd love for Michinaga to have a Rudi-esque breakdown in the end of the next arc. As long as he is happy afterwards. Because I'm not sure I'll ever see Rudi being happy in his own story.

Anyway, Rudi Wenders is neat, look at him

He's even basically a toku character, walking around in an armor for a lot of the time

https://www.tumblr.com/lets-talk-spirituality/713247522772107264/httpswwwtumblrcomlets-talk-spirituality71064

Hiii, actually a few days ago I was meditating about this snippet of vision I had. My context of life is about breaking cycles of toxic patterns I grew up seeing in my family... Having to play therapist to my mom and she telling that she couldn't persue the career path she wanted and giving up her aspirations in life when she married just like her mom (my grandma). I do not think is normal to loose yourself any partnership or connection with someone, also not being that happy with your relationships but staying on them to be in picture perfect relationship/marriage/family. I also believe people are more than their relationships and mistakes.

In my experience I've met men that wanted to control me in some way (even though they were not always romantic interests), for example once I was talking to someone who was an "tutor" to me.. and I said one day I want to have kittens. HE WAS TRIGGERED. His face was like this 2 emojis😨😰. He said "But why you don't want to have kids?" and he is a married man and he was obessed with me getting married young. ¿? Mod where does this come from?.

Once I also met a man who told me I remind him of his mom and I was like I hope you don't have mommy issues. But I have as well met people that told me that they feel safe with me.

On relationships I find myself wanting to have certain space and to have a friendship first . After the friendship happens I start sharing the softer side of my personality.

Sometimes I found myself being told by certain guys that I am cold but I am also like not at all. I accept that I'm detached when they want physical touch in public but that doesn't always mean that I feel nothing. One day I hope to meet someone that understands my love language.

*Succes to me is doing what you are passionate about and having found your place in this world (your soul family). As for the dressed up part is that I love expressing myself through clothes and accesories and is the path I'm taking even though where I'm from it's not considered as a serious career . But above all I'm doing finally what my heart wants without listening to others and that's what matters. 💞💫

-🌟

Finally getting to this! I swear. The second I complete an ask another comes in. Not complaining but just so you guys understand. Lol.

Clearing generational trauma seems to be a theme for a lot us younger people who are alive.

Where does it come from? People who uphold the status quo usually do it because they either truly think that’s the way things should be or they just do that because they aren’t strong enough to go against the grain. In either scenario, the usually want others to uphold that same status quo and feel insulted or attacked when others don’t because it forces them to acknowledge their own inability to move outside the status quo or their deep resentment that they’ve upheld it when they didn’t truly want to. But your paving new paths and, most people are afraid to venture into the unknown. Keep going on your path anyway. They may not get to see the same beauty you do but that’s their choice.

I also relate a lot to what you’re saying. I think I’m soul sexual or something in that I only ever feel things for people I feel intrinsically drawn to. Maybe it’s not a soul thing and it’s just a trauma thing but idk because then I’d be attracted to way more men than I am lol. So many ones I could replay childhood wounds with but I’ve only felt super drawn to three guys in my life. So to a lot of people I seem cold, it’s just I can’t feel them. I can from like a detached place but not deeply like I do with soul connections. I think it’s good you don’t bend to fit in.

I’m glad you’re living life for you! That’s hard to do. Sometimes we can’t even see how deeply ingrained societal expectations are. I think success for me is similar, it’s finding belonging and living your life in a way that is expansive.

I know this took forever to respond to. Love you! Hope you’re doing okay. Mwah 💋 💕

Just me rambling about Encanto again

So, something that i think is missing from many people's takes about Encanto and Generational trauma is that...it goes across generations, and multiple generations are guilty of inflicting it. Rewatching the movie it amazed me even more how much the fandom has turned Abuela into a caricature (jeje) villain instead of the complex character she is meant to be, and how realizing every characters role in the trauma being passed on gives the fact that Abuela was forgiven so quickly more sense.

Something that really struck me is how we never see the family members with magical powers use them for their own personal gain, i think the closest we get is Camilo pretending to be Dolores to get double portions and we see how that is immediately stopped by Felix, and even then, the first time we see Camilo he is using his power to help a mother get some rest from her newborn.

But even little 5 year old Antonio gets powers and the first thing he does the very next morning is use them to keep Abuela's seat warm.

So i think one of the things that Abuela made clear was very important for her while the triplets and eventually their children were growing up is to be of service for everyone around them, after all they had a village to take care of, to the point where i think everyone developed the "i'm pretty sure im worthless if i can't be of service" mentality Luisa sings about.

What is in paper a great way of raising your children ``use your abilities to help others who need it" became so extreme that their entire lives became serving others.

From this stems Pepa's anxiety about her powers, if she cant control her emotions, her powers get out of control and can harm instead of help.This is also the reason Bruno gets progressively separated from the family. He sees the future, and people's futures can be both good and bad, so it became a 50/50 on whether or not his gift was "useful" for the people of the town.

Coming back to the scene the morning after Antonio's ceremony, Alma tells him they are going to find something useful to do with his gift...she tells this to a five year old kid, who shouldn't at all be concerned with the problems of other people and how to solve them, and NO ONE bats an eye, Pepa and Felix, grown ass 50 year olds, don't tell abuela that their 5 year old son is perhaps too young to be given so much responsibility.

Julieta and Agustín do a great job with Mirabel, telling her she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone and defending her from Alma when she puts her down but...they don't extend the same courtesy to their other children and i think it's because they have helped reinforced this idea in them.

Luisa struggles with her powers for at least 70% of the runtime, and before that we know she was mentally struggling with all her responsibilities and when she talks about it she doesn't say "I don't want Abuela to be dissapointed" she expresses how everybody would be disappointed. It takes her collapsing in front of everybody at Isabella's proposal for her parents to notice there is something wrong with her.

We also don't get a scene with any of them talking to Isabela about the proposal, and again, when she talks about marrying Mariano she talks about the family, not just Abuela in particular, because again, is not just her passing on the trauma.

Hell, even Isabella constantly bullying Mirabel because she felt her sister not having a gift meant she had even more pressure to be perfect.Every member is guilty- to a different degree, obviously- until Mirabel comes around and finally breaks the cycle.

I would've loved at the end when Abuela and Bruno were apologizing for Julieta and Pepa to apologize to their respective children as well, cause it would've made so much sense why they decided to welcome her back.

It's because Alma wasn't the only one to make mistakes, she wasn't the only one responsible for the family's hurting, all of them were, in one way or another.

Zeke and Eren : Contrasts

With the events of SnK 120, it seems like the Jaeger brothers dynamic will largely make way for whatever the endgame Isayama has in mind. In this Chapter we see how much Zeke and Eren contradict each other. Their different upbringings are directly accountable for their difference in approaching the problem of the Eldians. However, there's more to this. Whatever the brothers stand for, whatever they desire and whatever their significance in the narrative- everything is in contrast. So, this is just an analysis on their contradictory personalities and ideologies and how it led to the surfacing of two polar opposite conclusions regarding the fate of the Eldians.

• Eren stands for love. As is evident from chapter 120, Eren was a dearly loved child. Carla had earliersaid "he's already special because he is born into the world". Zeke said, "looks like the second child was loved". Grisha loved Eren to the point where he was even ready to forget his duty as a Restorationist.

But, let's look at Zeke's past. Was he loved? NO. His parents only ever burdened him, and even though he refers to Xavier as his father-figure, all that Xaver did was impose his own nihilism on Zeke. That was not love, that was just the making of another war criminal. Zeke and Dina hated the Marleyans and Xaver hated the whole world. So basically Zeke is someone who grew up learning hate.

• Eren stands for life and hope. When I say, Eren stands for life I mean how much he values life. He'd never support a plan that means ending all Eldians because he was born into the world and therefore values the process of birth and life above all else.

Also, I believe this is why he was placed in front of the Coordinate, that is basically all the lives of the Eldians [Paths] connected together. The Coordinate therefore directly alludes to the Tree of Life in Norse mythology, which signifies the cycle of life.

As long as there is life there is hope. Throughoutut the series, Eren is stated to be the "hope of mankind" and he carries out whatever is requisite of him believing that. Eren, when he inherited Grisha's memories, heard Eren Kruger talking of the cycle of hatred and how he hoped for the future generation to learn love, breaking the cycle. Eren's hope for the future is further confirmed in SnK 120 with his disapprobation of Zeke's plans.

Now, coming to Zeke, he stands for death and despair. He was directly responsible for wiping off almost the entirety of the Survey Corps. His spinal fluid is stated to be responsible for wiping out entire villages overnight. We see that happening in Ragako. Even Levi states how Zeke doesn't care for life. Zeke's disapproval of the importance of birth and life can be traced back to his grooming by Xaver. All that this questionable father-figure taught Zeke was how trivial and unworthy life is. The whole idea of euthanisation was ingrained into Zeke as perfectly normal. How then can we expect him to know the importance of life? Also, Zeke has been exposed to despair since the very beginning given his parent's negligence towards him, his inability to keep up with the others during training, and most importantly, Xaver's horrifying nihilism.

No wonder his whole attitude towards life is one of despair. Zeke thinks Eldians and the whole world will always be at despair too and only death can give them relief. Zeke completely negates any hope for the future to the extent where he doesn't even want Eldians to have a future. Unlike Eren, the ideas of freedom, love and hope are alien to Zeke who grew up in a repressive, pessimistic environment where he is skeptical about any future that is not blighted by war.

• Eren stands for free will. He was groomed by Levi in a way that he has the freedom to follow his own will. In Eren's formative years, he was always advised by Levi to make decisions on his own and to trust his own strength. Levi acknowledged his love for freedom and encouraged him to make firm choices that he won't regret. During the Uprising Arc, Levi left it on Eren to make a choice and he came to a conclusion on his own by deciding to trust his own strength. In the Marley arc, Eren did whatever he deemed fit even going against orders. Eren decides on his own. This is the ability he developed thanks to his sort of father-figure, Levi.

Zeke, on the other hand, was groomed by Xaver who prevailed on him the improbability of ever achieving freedom as they're biologically linked with the Founder.

Contrasted to Levi, who put full faith on Eren and invested on him to save humanity, Xaver never had any faith on Zeke. From the beginning he was convinced that Eldians were beyond help and that even Zeke cannot liberate them in any way other than just erasing them off the face of Earth forever. Zeke, as a child, didn't get the freedom or opportunity to develop his own will like Eren. Even though he thought he was relieved from the brain washing of his parents, he only signed up for another sort of brain washing under Xaver's guidance. Xaver gaslighted a young, naive Zeke and made a cold, killing machine out of him who holds little to no regard for life. Zeke is always drawing him in when talking about Euthanasia. It almost seems like the conclusion Zeke reached is not inspired from free will, but is rather an outcome of Xaver's cynicism.

• Eren stands for freedom. Eren is free to decide on his own but his idea of freedom doesn't end there. He wants freedom not for himself, but for his whole race, for the world and even for Ymir Fritz as we can see him genuinely feeling sorry for her.

To him, freedom is a fundamental right of everyone and he must make sure that everyone realizes this right. And to that end, he will even behave rudely with his friends. Also, Eren confronting Mikasa kind of had a good outcome in that she decided to stop centering her life around Eren. Eren wants her to live and decide for herself, to move on from idealising him to an oppressive extent.

Zeke, however, stands for enslavement. He's a slave to a lot of things and therefore his thoughts too are shaped along that line. There's no direct allusion to this but, him not being able to move on from his past is self-explanatory. Zeke is not free in the sense that he still can't let go of Grisha's faulty parenting. Everything he relies on has to do with his past. He holds little to no consideration for present events. On the other hand, Eren held himself responsible for the death of the former Levi squad, but he let go of that with time. As a boy, he raved on about exterminating Titans, but he let go of that when he learned about the truth. He wanted to kill Reiner brutally, wanted to kill everyone living past the sea, but with time he grew past these feelings and accepted reality. Eren does not live in self-denial, he has been disillusioned more than often but, he had moved forward each time accepting reality. But, coming to Zeke we have a character who is a slave to the past and is extremely delusional- delusional to the point where he just cannot bring himself to accept the fact that Eren has not been brainwashed, that Zeke is not after all an entirely shitty person and that there may just be an alternative to the horrible idea of euthanising Eldians. He projects his own trauma on the world and just as he cannot save himself, just as he cannot let go of his scarred past, he believes a similar fate awaits all Eldians, i.e., they cannot let go of their past atrocities. He is chained to his past and believes the world is too. This is why he develops a negative saviour complex where he thinks he can set Eldians free only by denying them any probable future.

Another thing to remember is that Zeke's driving force is primarily his belief that humanity is enslaved to the fate of waging wars and is at fault just for being born. This directly contradicts Eren's belief that everyone is free from the moment they are born.

Thoughts on the aftermath : Zeke and Eren are both vested with the responsibility of all Eldians. Their contradictory personalities led them to arrive at different conclusions regarding the problem of their race. So, which of them will prevail in the end? It remains to be seen. But, with the way the plot has progressed, it can be said that the future generation will survive. Eren Kruger asserted the importance of loving someone so that the cycle of hate is broken in the future; Gabi and Falco represent the future generation and Falco's confession of love and marriage is more than hinting at a future where the cycle of life persists. Long before this, after the Serum bowl, when Levi gave Armin the serum, the end note affirmed the need of passing on responsibilities to the next generation. The next generation is important, the future is essential. Also SnK 120 established that because of Paths the concept of time (or linearity of time) is often lost what with Grisha being able to see the futuristic Zeke.

So it can be safely deduced that the future can influence the past. This has happened before too with Kruger talking about Mikasa and Armin and Eren waking up from his dream of the future. The influence and impact of the future is established time and again in SnK, so one can assume that the future generation will survive.

But then what's to become of Zeke? This is pure speculation but a change of heart could be a possibility. Zeke is now officially the powerful villain™️ with him having greater control in both Paths realms and in the real world. Eren could have something up his sleeve but after providing this much insight into Zeke's sad history, (not to mention how intriguing his whole character arc is) it's unlikely that Isayama would just make Eren defeat/kill him. Rather, perhaps Zeke would be redeemed. Zeke's love for Eren can bring about his potential redemption. The Jaeger brothers contrast each other in every step but when Zeke met Eren, he found love. Even now, when he can do whatever he wants, he seeks his brother's validation. A character who grew up learning hate and despair has finally found love and hope. Zeke has a saviour complex and wants to save Eren but ironically, Eren was the one who saved Zeke. It is because of Eren that Zeke understands sibling love. Ever since his encounter with Eren, we find him saying he 'understands' Colt's feelings towards Falco. Maybe, in a similar way, Zeke will gradually come to value life too and give up on euthanasia? Also, in this panel we see how Eren is sort of confidently calling Zeke to see the next memory.

Just a guess here, but maybe he believes it will be Zeke's empathetic awakening? However, with Isayama saying he wants to hurt the readers, things can take a really ugly turn. Even Eren's death flags are close [I'm not crying]. To sum it up, killing off Zeke would be a waste and in the aftermath, him surviving to repent for his sins would fit into the whole gray morality theme of SnK. If Eren and his memories can bring about some positive change in Zeke, it'll help Zeke's character arc reach a proper conclusion. It will also resolve the conflict between the Jaeger brothers and conceivably bring forth a reconciliation between the hero and the villain which'd further highlight the subliminal moral ambiguity in the heart of SnK.

Tw: transphobia, abusive parents, mental illness, possible gaslighting, general sad shit

My mom misgendered me again, and before I corrected her she "corrected" herself and called me an it. Now I know some people use it/it's pronouns and that's fine, that's valid, but my mom doesn't know that. She doesn't know that it's valid, she doesn't care. And she doesn't understand why I'm so upset, but this is the third time she's done this this week already, and now I'm just too depressed to finish my essays. They're already overdue, but I have so much going on that makes me feel so small and useless. I can't share much about the other things going on, but I can't even get someone not to hurt they're own child, and I can't even get my mom to stop calling me what she thinks is a thing. She doesn't know that those are actually pronouns, they aren't my pronouns, but she wouldn't care. She cycles through all of them except for he/him because I told he those were mine.

On top of all this, by dad still thinks his mother's bigotry and abuse is fine because she's been through a lot too?? That is not an excuse, nor would it ever invalidate my trauma even if it was. I'm still in pain, I'm still suffering, and these people hurt me on purpose and we're ashamed when I couldn't stand it anymore.

I'm trying so hard and it's just never enough. No one wants anything to do with me, but they all want my help and of course I still deliver. My dad thinks he can just ask me to work with him on a project when just being around him makes my chest hurt. He used to manipulate and torment me and call me a "weak person" when it was too much.

I just want to get out of here and I can't turn to anyone. I can't even sell anything because I don't have my records changed, and I couldn't even if I did because they have my damn insurance and social security information. I don't even know if it was legal for her to keep that from me and out me to my dad, but I'm afraid to ask someone because I'm scared they'll tell me there's nothing wrong and it's my fault anyway.

It's making my tics really bad and it's starting to hurt again. I'm so tired but I just can't sleep. I just want to lay in bed and cry all night when no one can hear me. The only reason I never miss class is because it's the only break I get from this shit, it's the only time I'm even close to happy. It's the only time I can almost forget that they're all lying and they all hate me.

I have people who need me, but they don't even want me either, and I'm starting to think that I'm wrong and trying to protect people is stupid even though I know it's not, and what I do is important. It's just so much. I'm just so alone. I'm afraid of everyone in town because I know they already hate me.

I don't celebrate religious holidays like my family either, so I wanted to do some gift exchanges with loved ones for the start of the seasons, but I don't even have any loved ones so what's the point. They'd all just mock me anyways. I feel like I the only one around here that actually cares about people unconditional because I just do, not because I'm afraid not to. but everyone tells me I'm not right and I don't belong .

My dad keeps trying to tell me that I don't need to be tested for anything because I don't have anything wrong with me. I think he's trying to make me feel crazy, like I can't trust myself again.

I'm so sorry to vent on here, but I have nowhere else to go because my family doesn't want me and I just have no one. People always ask too many questions I'm not safe to answer anyway, they can't just support me and understand that whatever it is, it makes me feel hopeless. I'm doing better in class, it's just that writing is so hard when all I can think about is how much people want to get rid of me.

Let me know if I need to tag anything else.

Pressured to the point of no return

Why do parents feel the need to think that they know what's best for us. Don't they see that we're trying; we're trying to break the cycle of what they created for us. The trauma. The pain. The tears that come out of my eyes when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die.

Sometimes it just feels overwhelming and its hard to do what you want to do with your life when all you hear in your head is "Get a frickin job" "Posting on Social media isn't a real job" etc. Don't parents see that the new generation doesn't want to sit behind a frickin desk all day and cry themselves to sleep. It's not healthy. It feels like a burden and i'm tired of it.

If college taught me one thing; it taught me that sitting behind a desk and working my ass off will never be good enough. It's not about your academics or if you get honors; it's about the way that you interact with people and communicate, and how you treat other individuals. I feel as if I will never be good enough regardless of what I do; regardless if I bring home money, or speak my mind. Nothing ever seems to change.

But isn't change something we need to evolve in this messed up world. It makes you question if our parents will ever see that the evolution of working has evolved in so many ways. Even though social media may not exactly be the best route; that's how we expose ourselves and what we love doing to the world (that could be dancing, singing, photography, videography, etc). How else are we suppose to get ourselves out there? Newspapers aren't even trending anymore. If you walk up to someone and say you're a photographer; people don't believe you or think that you're scamming them.

I feel pressured to do something that's not even for me. I can't find a simple job because I dont want to be behind a desk all day; I want to be on my feet; and even if i want to be on my feet there's not many jobs around here that allow you to work in the field without experience. I'd honestly just love to travel and leave everything behind and live in nature with my thoughts while staring into the dark abyss of what consumes my mind. (That could be a song lyric hmmm; motionless in white hit me up)

Sometimes it even feels like im drowning in my thoughts; to the point of where I feel like my life isn't worth it. But for some reason I keep going. I keep going for the Motionless in White Concert that I get to see in April; I keep going for my cat; I keep going for my best friend (whom i can't live without), I keep going for traveling, and all the little things. I keep going for him. God, I keep going for the hope that I could have an opportunity with him even though he works in the entertainment industry.

Maybe I'll even have the chance of working with him and the band one day who knows. Life gives you the most unexpected moments when you dont even realize it. Who knows where i'll be in the next 5 years. 10? 15? Maybe one day things will get better. Life is just a dream when you don't love reality.