#the bitter truth tour
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Emma Anzai + Evanescence
(Halloween photoshoot - October 2022)
#evanescence#amy lee#emma anzai#neverlostmycrown#the bitter truth era#the bitter truth tour#halloween photoshoot#rionka edit
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evanescence: the bitter truth tour (2023) - work in progress, art by rionka
#evanescence#amy lee#evanescence fan art#the bitter truth tour#art by rionka#pen drawing#work in progress#amy lee fan art
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YES MA'AM???!
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Evanescence - Yeah Right (Video Klip)
Evanescence‘ın 29 Mart 2021’de çıkan albümü “The Bitter Truth”tan “Yeah Right” adlı şarkısının grubun “Latin America Tour 2023” konserlerinden düzenlenen video klibi yayınlandı. Yapımcılığını Nick Raskulinecz’in yaptığı şarkının sözleri Amy Lee ve Will Hunt’e ait. Klibin yönetmenliğini ve kurgusunu Eric Richter üstlendi.
Albümden daha önce; “Better Without You”, “Use My Voice”, “The Game Is Over”…
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#Amy Lee#Eric Richter#Evanescence#Evanescence - Yeah Right#Evanescence Latin America Tour 2023#Klip#Latin America Tour 2023#Lyrics#Nick Raskulinecz#Rock#Rock Müzik#Şarkı Sözleri#Sözler#The Bitter Truth#Video#Video Klip#Will Hunt#Yeah Right
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my entire concert fit i wore for Muse/Evanescence!!
🧡WIG DETAILS🖤
[ ] walker tape scalp protector
[ ] lace front ombre color wig half black half orange wig synthetic hair glueless (ebay)
[ ] göt2b glued blasting freeze spray
[ ] watermelon hold me down adhesive (erika j/sisters beauty)
[ ] bold hold liquid gold (the hair diagram)
[ ] il makiage flawless base foundation (145 woke up like this)
[ ] göt2b ultra glued
[ ] pro make-up halo foundation brush (j cat beauty) you
🧡OUTFIT DETAILS🖤
[ ] power play easy waist high rise cargo jeans - orange (fashion nova)
[ ] black spike earrings, your choice of three lengths, long dangle chain earrings (crystal compass designs)
[ ] a2y women's basic solid stretchable scoop neck long sleeve crop top orange m (walmart)
[ ] women's converse run star hike high top platform sneaker boots
[ ] shien ezwear drawstring detail super crop hoodie
🧡MAKEUP DETAILS🖤
[ ] e.l.f. hydrating face primer
[ ] moon creations neon uv mascara moon glow (orange)
[ ] moon creations iridescent chunky glitter moon glitter (orange)
[ ] r.e.m. beauty highlighter topper (miss jupiter)
[ ] almay loose finishing powder (300 medium)
[ ] maybelline new york super stay matte ink (285 thrill seeker)
[ ] nyx glitter primer
[ ] fenty beauty flyliner longwear liquid eyeliner (cuz i'm black)
[ ] colourpop cheek dew serum blush (so cosmo)
[ ] fenty beauty match stix contour (04 truffle)
[ ] revlon photoready insta-blush (300 rose gold kiss)
[ ] fenty beauty mascara (cuz i'm black)
[ ] e.l.f. 16hr camo concealer matte finish (medium sand)
[ ] haus labs triclone skin tech foundation (a42)
[ ] urban decay de-slick setting spray
🧡NAIL DETAILS🖤
[ ] orange pumpkin ghostly theme nails (pink planet shop)
[ ] kiss maximum speed nail glue
[ ] onyx professional nail polish remover 100% acetone
[ ] nailive cuticle oil
[ ] vanilla warm sugar 24 hour moisture body lotion (bath & body works)
#makeup#muse#evanescence#the bitter truth#will of the people#will of the people tour#concert#concert fit
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Evanescence on Instagram, 20/10/2022.
We are giving away 2 tickets to our show in London with @wtofficial! To enter the contest, stream our documentary “Embracing the Bitter Truth” on @thecodacollection through Amazon Prime and scan the QR code. The contest is for UK residents and will run from now until Oct 31st 👻🤘
#2022#Evanescence#Amazon prime video#Embracing the bitter truth#The bitter truth#Worlds Collide tour#The coda collection
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𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨) - 𝐞.𝐦. (𝟏𝟖+)
part one | part two
older rockstar!eddie x reader
summary eddie munson was an asshole, you knew that now. and the truth was you hated him, so much so that you couldn't stop thinking about him.
eddie munson hated himself, and he couldn't stop thinking about you. (16.3k)
warnings 18+ minors dni, age gap (reader is 22, eddie is 40), angst, asshole eddie, references to abuse, drinking (reader gets drunk), reader hurts herself (not intentionally!), very brief mention of blood, smut, making out, oral sex, penetrative sex, fingering, an overuse of nicknames. if i have missed anything please politely let me know <3
Seven Months Later.
There’s this theory called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. It’s the scientific explanation for why you start to notice something, or someone more when your awareness of them increases.
It’s an illusion. Your brain creates a cognitive bias. The truth is that thing was there all along. You just never cared enough to notice it before.
Like Eddie fucking Munson.
.
.
.
The fall air was heavy with a bitter chill as it slinked in through your half-open window. You were barely conscious, your body still heavy with sleep, but you felt the cold wind embrace you in an unwelcome hug and you pulled your thick comforter over your head in a bid to escape it.
You weren’t sure what time it was, your mind hazy as memories of last night came flooding back to you. You attempted to push them to the back of your mind, you didn’t need the self-loathing to begin already, you could get to that after you had managed to at least eat breakfast.
Your arms felt heavy as you lifted them, stretching them above you. Your movements caused your comforter to fall around you, your eyes squinted to adjust to the harsh light that bled through the curtains. They were second-hand and made from really sheer material, they almost made no difference. But you kept them up anyway; you were a young woman living in a city by yourself, so you couldn’t afford to lose the small amount of privacy they granted you.
Dragging your limp body out of bed (fuck you, college) you made your way over to your closet, grabbing the first crumpled-up clothes you saw and throwing them on, not bothering to even look at what you were now wearing.
And no, you didn’t shower, and yes you knew you should have. But quite frankly, you barely had the energy to get out of bed and go to class; asking you to shower and wash your hair was asking far too much from you.
You had two exams today and a shift at the diner afterwards. None of which you were particularly looking forward to, but there wasn’t a lot you could do about that now except grin and bear it.
Which is what you did. It was what you always did.
As you stepped out of your apartment complex you felt the frost-bitten wind caress your face. You swore under your breath, pulling your coat tighter around you in a feeble attempt to warm yourself up.
Looking up your eyes landed on the obnoxiously large billboard that sat opposite your building. And on it, of course, was none other than Corroded Coffin, with Eddie sitting front and centre. Promotion for their upcoming tour.
You stared at it for far too long to be considered a passing glance. And just before you turned on your heel to walk to class you pulled a cold hand out of your pockets and pointedly gave it the middle finger.
Fuck you, universe.
.
.
.
“I’ll tell you what you can do Marianne, you can shove your ideas and fuck-”
“Okay, you’re done” John slammed his hands down on the table in front of him, pushing his chair back as he got up and all but manhandled Eddie, pulling him out before he could add more fuel to the fire, “Get out, come on. Jesus fucking Christ-”
It was early. The sun could have only just risen when he woke up and he could hear the fucking birds chirping kind of early.
It was 9 AM.
He could easily have stopped John from dragging him out of the meeting room like a petulant child, but that would take energy he simply didn’t have. And the energy he did have he was more than happy to use on shouting at people who, in his humble opinion, were being pretty fucking stupid for it being the crack of dawn.
9 AM.
So instead he raised his calloused hands in mock defeat as he let John lead him down the wide corridor, a warning hand on his shoulder, and into another room. The room was identical to the one he had just been in; but there was no one in there, which made it much preferable to him.
The harsh morning light beamed in through the floor-to-ceiling windows lining the exterior wall. The wall adjoining the room to the corridor was also made entirely of glass. Eddie leant his body weight against it, running his hands over his face as John shut the door behind them. Eddie’s eyes flicked to him briefly and he saw his body tense. He knew that he’d pissed him off. But he didn’t care, these moments were second nature to the both of them by now.
None of them dared speak first. Both of them quietly assessed the other, figuring out how explosive this was about to get.
Very. If the past was any indication.
Eddie being, well - Eddie, pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips, his hands fumbling around his many pockets trying to remember where he had last put his lighter.
“You can’t smoke in here.”
John’s curt voice cut through the thick tension clouding the room. Eddie’s eyes snapped to Johns, fucking insufferable bastard, and his hands halted their searching of his pockets.
“If I don’t smoke I’ll turn into an asshole” Eddie bit out the words, a sarcastic smile painting his face.
“Ah, so no different than usual then? Put the cigarette down and stop being a dick,” John walked over to the meeting table and pulled out a flimsy chair, sitting down with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m tired of playing your fucking father.”
“You’re barely five years older than me.” Eddie’s voice was harsh as he snapped back at John, but his face was heavy with some emotion that even John couldn’t place. He knew bringing up Eddie’s father was a bad idea. He only pulled out that card when he was desperate.
“Exactly. I have two kids at home. You’re old enough to be their father, so don’t make me speak to you the way I speak to them. Shit, they’re better behaved than you are.”
Anyone who knew John knew that he really did care for Eddie. He treated him like a brother, but Eddie didn’t yet return the same sentiment. John figured he probably never would, and he was okay with that.
He knew Eddie’s history. All of it. He understood why Eddie was the way he was. He just wished he could help him. He also knew that if he told Eddie this, he would most likely leave with a black eye if he dared show any ounce of pity for him.
Eddie liked to be treated a certain way. Harsh words shared between people on the most basic level. It made him feel safe. If he never connected with anyone he couldn’t hurt them.
Or be hurt when they left him.
So John never mentioned any of what he knew. But Eddie knew that he was aware of his past, and he hadn’t abandoned him yet, so that was good enough for him.
“You keep pulling shit like this and the label will drop you. It’s as simple as that.”
Eddie scoffed, fiddling with the still unlit cigarette between his fingers. “I’d like to see them try.”
“Okay, listen to me” John leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, feet planted as if he was ready for a fight any minute. “You leave to go on tour in two hours—your first show is tomorrow. Figure your shit out. Drop the asshole facade you’re so desperately trying to hide behind,”
Eddie didn’t say anything, he feared if he did he would only regret it. He simply stayed leaning against the wall, not looking away from John once. His stare was cold, calculated.
“You’re not better than anyone in that room. No matter what the girls you’re fucking every night might be saying to you.”
Eddie held his stare, a smirk pulling at his mouth.
“They don’t usually say a lot actually. It’s hard when they're being fucked dumb, poor things can barely string a sentence together when we’re done”
Eddie was looking for a reaction. He wanted a fight, needed a fight.
John bit his tongue, biting back the words he knew Eddie was waiting to hear. He wanted Eddie to tell him he was an ass. That he was pathetic. That he deserved everything that had happened to him.
He wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.
“What? Do you not get that sort of reaction from your wife after you’ve fucked her? That’s poor show John, I can teach you a few things if you need me to?” Eddie’s venomous tone hit exactly where he intended it to, he could tell by the way John clenched his jaw, “Or I could just fuck her for you.”
“What the fuck’s happened to you, Eddie?” His voice was suddenly soft, concerned. Eddie hated it. “Is this all about that girl, because-”
“Fuck off,” Eddie said with a deafening calm, “I’m going for a smoke.”
And with that Eddie turned and left the room, his heavy footsteps echoing throughout the empty corridor.
“You better not miss the flight later! You can’t fuck up everyone else’s life like you’re doing to your own!” John sighed as the words landed on deaf ears, Eddie already too far gone to pay any attention to him.
It was going to be a long long tour.
.
.
.
Carpe Diem. That was a thing people said right? Well, you were here to tell them that was bullshit.
Seize the day. Whatever that meant - it was certainly not meant for broke college students who had recently been fucked over by a world-famous rockstar, had almost certainly just failed their final exams and now had to endure a seven-hour shift at a diner.
No, that saying was intended for people who already had their life together. Middle-aged moms living in the suburbs with their two children and a perfect husband. Who woke up each morning and decided between going to a new yoga class or a coffee morning with their book club girlfriends.
Those were the type of people Carpe Diem was meant for.
Not you.
You had managed to get caught in the rain on your way to your shift. The cold rain soaking through your clothes and onto your skin enhanced every emotion you were already feeling. The cold wind was biting as you swerved through the bustling crowd on the sidewalk. It was nearing 10 PM, and you wouldn’t be home until the early hours of the morning; you rarely picked up night shifts. You had been working there for almost three years and you could count on one hand the number of times you had worked a night shift. But right now you needed the money, so when the shift was offered to you, who were you to turn it down?
Once you had finally arrived you had almost immediately snapped at your manager when you walked through the heavy doors of the diner; she had made some innocent joke about how you would have been drier if you had swum here.
She quickly realised you weren’t in the mood for jokes and told you she had a change of clothes in the back you could borrow. You nodded your head and forced an appreciative smile onto your face. You liked your manager, she was maybe a decade older than you, give or take, and she always made sure the chefs cooked you some food during a long shift.
You ignored everyone else, one chef and two other waitresses who would be leaving soon, as you made your way to the staff room at the back of the diner, heading straight to your manager's locker and grabbing the clothes she had folded and placed on the top shelf.
You threw on the jeans but hesitated as you unfolded the all too familiar shirt. You recognised the design instantly and you felt a lump form in your throat. You had the exact same shirt at home, although yours was lying abandoned in the back of your closet, and you had been content never to see, let alone wear it, again.
The worn-out corroded coffin logo stared back at you.
Well fuck.
It had taken you all of two seconds to decide that you would rather spend your night in a half-soaked t-shirt instead. When your manager had seen you walk back out, apron tied around your waist and a damp t-shirt clinging to you, she hadn’t questioned it. Instead, she pointed to your area for the night and told you it shouldn’t be too busy, she smiled a genuine smile and rubbed your back, like a caring mom, before leaving you to it. You could tell by the look of concern she tried to hide that she knew something was wrong. You seemed tense, which you never were.
You hadn’t told anyone what had happened. You weren’t the first girl to be fucked over by Eddie and you certainly wouldn’t be the last. You felt ridiculous for being so hung up on what had happened.
But there was just something about him. And you hated him for it.
You saw pieces of him everywhere you went. Heard his voice in every store or cafe you went into, and every time it cut into you a little bit deeper than the last. He had left his mark on you and you had no idea how to get rid of it. The truth was you weren’t sure you wanted to. He made you feel safe. Which was insane given his reputation, but every time he looked at you it felt like a summer breeze wrapped itself around you. He smiled at you and it felt like running into the ocean for the first time on holiday. Like nothing could hurt you as long as he was there.
But then he had been the one to hurt you, so fuck him, right?
Yeah. Fuck him. You had tables to serve, people to pretend to like, and a myriad of awful attempts at flirting to politely ignore for the next… seven hours.
It was going to be a long long night.
.
.
.
The truth was Eddie had tried relentlessly to avoid coming back here. To this city.
To you.
But it hadn’t worked. His team had asked him multiple times why exactly he was so adamant about avoiding this place, but hell would have to open up and drag him down there before he would tell anyone it was because of you.
You had fucked him up more than anyone ever had. And he had spent one night with you.
He barely knew anything about you. He knew your name, and he knew how old you were. He also knew what you sounded like when you came.
He hadn’t told anyone about you. John knew, of course. But every time he would try to mention ‘that girl’ to Eddie he would shoot him a look that said “I am not above punching you in the face” and that was that.
So now here he was. In the one city on earth, he would have happily avoided for the rest of his godforsaken life-
“Do you want to go straight to the hotel? I already made sure the security stopped people hanging around outside, so you don’t have to worry about that.” John’s voice sounded from beside Eddie, although he was barely listening.
The moment the plane landed he felt his heart race. Which was stupid, because as far as he knew you didn’t actually live here. You might have been here on holiday or just came for the concert.
Fuck he hopes you didn’t come just for him.
“You know tour used to be fun, we used to do shit. Get fucked up.” Eddie didn’t turn to look at John whilst he spoke, choosing instead to smoke a cigarette out of the barely open window. The torrent of rain outside still managed to slip in through the open space, leaving raindrops to settle on Eddie’s hair that fell around his shoulders.
Eddie had a habit of avoiding other people’s questions, even simple ones. John had picked up on that fact rather fast. It was best to let Eddie lead the conversation, so that’s what he did.
“I remember,” John replied, staring straight ahead from the back seat, watching the traffic they were attempting to drive through, “That was ten years ago, things change, you know that.”
Eddie did know that. It didn’t mean he had to like it.
When Eddie didn’t bother to respond John cautiously said “they all have families now, Eddie. A wife and kids. Can you blame them for not wanting to get high every night and fuck up a hotel room?”
Eddie clenched his jaw, flicking the burnt-out cigarette out of the window and onto the rain-soaked road, “You have a wife and kids, why are you here with me? Not with them, with your perfect little picket-fence family, huh?”
“Because I’m working. I don’t spend time with you out of the goodness of my heart, you know. You pay me to be here, to make sure some insane fan doesn’t stalk you or some shit.” John tried to sound lighthearted, adding some humour to his all-too-true words. But it didn’t help.
Eddie once again went quiet, whispering something under his breath about it all being “fucking bullshit” but that was it. He hadn’t apologised to John about that morning, the comment about his wife. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was sorry. And he knew that made him the asshole everyone said he was, but he had been wearing that badge of honour for a long time, he’d be damned if he let it bother him now. Maybe he just was an asshole.
“Do I assume you do just want to go straight to the hotel?” John asked again, he knew not to push Eddie but he really needed to let the poor driver know where he was taking them. Although with the traffic at a standstill, they wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.
“No” Eddie’s blunt response would have been enough to have most people stop talking to him.
“Well, where do you wanna go then? I’m not driving around with you all fuckin’ night I’ll tell you that for nothing.” Eddie finally turned in his seat to look at John, although his gaze seemed to be focused on the window behind him instead, “It’s gone midnight, you may be a rockstar but I’m old. I need to sleep.”
“Here. I’m hungry.”
John turned, confusion evident as he furrowed his eyebrows and breathed out a barely audible “what?”. The car had stopped outside a diner, open twenty-four hours, based on the worn-out sign hanging in the window. There was no one inside, except a waitress. This was probably the only place in the city Eddie could go to without being spotted and harassed.
“Are you serious? They have room service at the hotel and-”
“I fucking said I wanna eat here, is that so hard to understand?” Eddie snapped, his hands fiddling with the bracelets and pieces of fabric he had tied around his left wrist. “I- can we just get out here, I’m fuckin’ starving”
“Well if you would have eaten on the plane instead of insulting the food-”
“That shit looked like I could have made it. Would you eat my cooking, John?”
“You couldn’t pay me enough.”
“Exactly.” Eddie took off his seatbelt and waved his hands toward the door on John’s side “let’s go.”
John reluctantly moved to open the door, stepping out into the cold rain. Eddie followed suit, taking in his surroundings as he waited for John to tell the driver something, probably asking him to come back in an hour.
The bell hanging over the door rang out into the quietness of the diner as they both walked in, glad to be out of the rain for the brief time they were in it. It was quiet, save for the soft hum of a radio playing behind the counter. A woman stood behind it, her back turned and windswept hair flowing over her shoulders, an apron tied around her waist. Eddie could see that her shirt was damp and he couldn’t help the pang of guilt that rang through him as he realised she must have gotten caught in the downpour on her way here. Eddie had never had to work a service job before, but he knew damn well if he did and his clothes were soaked through before he had even started, he would have gone home. No questions asked.
He made a mental note to try and be nice to her. He never did that, but he promised himself he would at least try.
John hesitated a minute before walking over to an empty booth and sitting himself down, his eyes trained on the girl behind the counter.
Eddie sat opposite him, stretching his legs out under the table and picking up the menu that was left on the table. He decided on the first thing he saw and threw the menu back down, sliding it over to John, but he still wasn’t looking anywhere except at the waitress behind the counter.
“What’s the matter with you?” Eddie asked quizzically. John’s whole body language had changed the minute they had walked in. Sure, it wasn’t the most high-end place they had ever eaten, but Eddie had never taken him for a snob.
“Okay, you’ve got about ten seconds to decide if you want to just get up and leave.”
“What-”
“Too late,” John said suddenly, his eyes darting back to Eddie “don’t be an asshole.”
Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what the fuck was he talking about? He looked around to see that the waitress had turned, now facing both of them.
And she was looking straight at Eddie.
You were looking straight at Eddie.
.
.
.
There are certain feelings that you’ve never been able to explain to people. You’ve never been particularly good at expressing how you feel because you’ve rarely been able to understand or process your own emotions.
But as you stood in the diner, at 12:46 AM, and saw Eddie sitting across from you. You knew exactly how you felt.
You felt angry.
You felt heartbroken.
You felt confused.
You felt the happiest you had felt in seven months.
And then you felt the world fall out from underneath your feet.
You felt like Eddie was about to rip your heart out all over again.
You hadn’t moved. Shit. What the fuck were you meant to do? Eddie hadn’t moved either. But John had, and he was walking right towards you.
“Hey,” he was tense, you could tell. “Listen, I don’t know what thoughts are running through your head right now. But, I can imagine at least one of them is that you’d like to punch him square in his face, right?” John tilted his head to the side, trying to gauge your reaction. You still hadn’t moved. You weren’t totally sure you were breathing.
“I’m gonna trust that you won’t do that, if I’ve been able to hold off from smacking him every day for the past seven months I’m sure you can too.”
John laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat. Something told you he wasn’t joking.
“Now, there’s a bar over there.” He pointed past you, out of the window, towards the dive bar sitting directly across from the diner “And even though I can’t drink whilst I’m working. I am going to go there anyway. I’ll be gone twenty minutes. Talk to him. Ignore him. Throw him out of here, for all I care. Do whatever you’ve gotta do.”
And with that John turned and walked out of the diner. The sounds of the city filled the diner as the door swung open and shut again. And then it was just you. And him.
And those two old guys sat at a table in the corner. Ignore them.
You shifted your weight on your feet, you wanted to talk to him. Needed to talk to him.
Your feet had carried you over to his booth before you had realised what you were doing. You couldn’t read the expression on his face, and for a second you thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but then-
“John ran out of here as quick as he fucking could, didn’t he?” Eddie… laughed? Genuinely laughed as he said it, a honey-thick smile covering his face.
“Yeah, he basically floored it to the bar over there” you pointed awkwardly, even Eddie was sitting with his back to the window, and couldn’t see. He smiled again anyway, dropping his gaze from you to stare at his hands that were resting on the table.
When you didn’t smile back you saw his whole body tense up. What did he expect from you here? To take him to the back room and fuck him?
“Can you sit down, and talk for a minute, maybe?”
“I’m working if you hadn’t already noticed.” You responded, voice slightly harsher than you meant for it to sound.
“I know- shit, I know. I didn’t mean that you weren't, I just meant,” he was stumbling over every other word, and you know it should have given you some satisfaction to see him like this. To realise that maybe you weren’t the only one who came out of this whole thing scorned. But you felt sorry for him, his eyes were heavy with something sad. His usual cocky facade was nowhere to be seen.
“I can sit for a while, it’s okay.” You hated how soft your voice went, Eddie heard it too, he bit back a smirk and sat up a bit straighter as you sat down across from him.
“Your shirt is wet,” Eddie said, making a vague gesture with his hand. It was still wet, you guessed, although it was much drier than it had been. “They really made you work in wet clothes? They had nothing for you to wear. You must be cold, that’s all.”
“My manager gave me some clothes to wear, yeah. I just kept my top because I didn’t feel like wearing hers.”
Eddie cocked his head to the side, a silent question as to why.
Well, fuck it. “She’s a big fan of yours. I didn’t want to walk around in a Corroded Coffin top all night so, here I am.”
There it was. He had been waiting for it. The moment he couldn’t avoid it any longer.
“Y/N I’m-”
You cut him off, you weren’t ready to hear whatever sorry excuse he pulled out of his ass. “Sorry? An asshole? A bastard? Take your pick, seriously.” Eddie watched you, his face blank as he took in every word you said.
You saw his jaw clench. The same way it had when he had left you alone in that hotel room.
“You want me to say sorry? For what, exactly?” You physically flinched at his words, the harshness of them. That honey-thick smile was nowhere to be seen, his eyes had gone distant.
“You want an apology because I treated you the same way I treat every other girl I fuck? Listen, sweetheart, you knew what the deal was from the start, don’t act like some fucking innocent party in all of this.” You felt the breath go from your lungs, he had leaned forward as was speaking to you, leaning on his forearms as he broke your heart again.
“You’re telling me you didn’t go around telling anyone who would listen that we had fucked?” Eddie spat at you.
“No. I didn’t.” Your voice was quiet but definite. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
Eddie paused for a moment, something flashed across his face. Relief? Confusion? Anger? You truly couldn’t tell. You weren’t sure he could either. “Maybe you should have. Gossip tabloids will pay a lot of money for shit like that” he turned his head, looking away from you. You wanted to get up and walk away. Shout at him. Tell him how much he had hurt you.
“You asked me to sit down so you could insult me, was that it?” you asked him, “well you’ve done that so can I go now?”
“What did you think I was going to do? Profess my undying love for you? Tell you I tracked you down just so I could tell you how sorry I was?” Eddie shot back, he had built that wall back up around himself the minute you had snapped at him. He couldn’t bring himself back from that ledge, no matter how much he wanted to. And he so desperately wanted to.
Because whenever his eyes landed on yours felt his heart break, he truly believed you held the whole world in your eyes, a world he longed to be a part of.
“I thought you could be a decent fucking human being, Eddie.” Hearing you say his name made him feel like he was drowning. Your voice dropped as you decided you needed to get it out of your system. “I thought you would have some respect for me. Do you know how fucked up I’ve been over this? I fucking cried over you.”
Eddie didn’t try to interrupt, he didn’t have any reaction to what you had just said. You could almost believe he wasn’t listening to a word of what you were saying.
He was.
“I get it, okay. This is what you do. Fine. Good for you, if you’re happy like this then please don’t let me, or anyone else, stop you.” You weren’t sure where your confidence had come from, but you felt like this would be the only time he would be sat in front of you again. “I didn’t want to like you. I thought you would be a complete asshole, and I was fine with that.”
Your gaze dropped from his face to his hands, where he was pulling at the jewellery he had on his left wrist. His hands gave away everything he wasn’t saying, and you didn’t think he was even aware of how much he was giving away. A couple of seconds later his hands stopped moving, and he moved them off the table, onto his lap. He hadn’t realised you were watching him so closely. He hated that.
“Eddie, listen to me, I liked you. I felt safe with you” Eddie’s eyes scanned your whole face as you spoke, almost as if he was looking for any proof you were lying. You spoke slowly, determined for him to really hear you, and understand what you were saying. “You’re a good person, Eddie. You are not what everyone says you are. Maybe you try to be that guy, but you’re not. You care about other people, but I don’t think you care about yourself.”
Eddie’s face had softened, he swallowed and shook his head, barely. But you saw him do it, nevertheless.
“I don’t know you, I know that. But I think you want to be happy, you want to be a good person. But you can’t let yourself. I’m not saying this because I want you to fall in love with me, or some shit. But I hope one day you will fall in love with someone. And I hope you’ll let yourself love them.”
All of a sudden it was too quiet. You hadn’t even noticed that the two older gentlemen who had been in the diner had left. A twenty-dollar bill was left on the table. The radio played dimly in the background, the rain clattered against the windows and roof. The muffled sounds of the city nightlife outside. Eddie hadn’t said anything to you. You nodded your head and shuffled out of the booth, prepared to leave him alone until John got back.
You walked back over to the counter, picking up the money as you went. You weren’t sure how long it had been. You had made yourself a coffee and were about to start tidying up when you heard Eddie move. His heavy footsteps echoed off the floor, his leather jacket rubbing against itself. You looked up, expecting to see him walk out. But he didn’t.
“I’m– we’re playing a show. Tomorrow. If you want to come, that would– fuck, um.” you had never heard his voice sound like it did right now. Soft, but still him. That confidence was hidden just below the surface. “Please come. If you don’t want to watch the show, then come when it finishes.”
You were the one not saying anything now. You were so angry with him, he still hadn’t apologised. He had barely said anything to you, apart from the insults he had thrown at you. So why the fuck did you want to go. Why could you not imagine this being the last time you saw him?
“Come to the door, ask security to get John. He’ll make sure you get in okay, I promise.”
You didn’t have time to even nod in agreement before Eddie was heading for the door, he opened it and you couldn’t drag your eyes away from him. Even with the promise of seeing him tomorrow, it felt like too much of a risk to not take him in as much as you could whilst he was there.
“I’m sorry.”
And then he walked out, letting the door shut behind him. Only this time he had said something to you before he left you. And you knew, no matter how much it would make you hate yourself, that you would see him tomorrow.
.
.
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“What the fuck is wrong with you? Genuinely, I’m genuinely asking you, this isn’t a joke anymore.” Eddie knew John would be insufferable on the drive to the hotel, but if he knew he would be like this? Eddie would have walked.
“I apologised to her. I invited her to the show, whatever she does is her decision.” Eddie bit out, John laughed at his words. The kind of laugh that said are-you-clinically-insane? Eddie couldn’t find it in him to disagree with that.
“Eddie, I have known you for almost as long as that girl has been alive-”
“Okay well that’s not what I need to hear right now, John for fuck-”
“No, listen to me. I have known you since you were barely older than her. And I have never ever seen you be so fucked up over someone else. I have never seen you care about someone else the way you do that girl– and don’t try and bullshit me here. Because you do care about her.” John sounded blunt, harsh. But Eddie knew he only sounded like that when he loved someone and wanted them to be okay. He only pulled out that voice when he needed to slap some sense into Eddie.
Eddie had never told him, but he did love John like a brother. He might tell him someday, maybe with you next to him. Maybe.
“For the past seven months, there is not a day gone by where I have looked at you and you weren’t completely zoned out. You were thinking about her, every time. I knew that. So now, here’s your chance. Not everyone gets those, you know that better than anyone.”
Eddie held back a shaky breath. John saw it, but he knew they needed to have this conversation.
“You are not your father, Eddie.” John needed him to truly understand that. “You never have been him, and you never will be. You won’t ever hurt that girl, in whatever way you’re afraid you will.”
Eddie froze, and then– “I don’t want to hurt her. I would never, I promise. But what if–”
“You are not your father,” John repeated “I know the kind of things he said to you, how he treated you. And how he treated your mother.”
Eddie nodded his head, tears welling in his eyes as he let John talk.
“The idea that you are even related to that man is astounding. And, how you got this reputation is beyond me.” John laughed, remembering something “You– you forced me to adopt a kitten you saw outside your trailer when I first met you, told me it needed to live with someone who had a ‘fancy-ass’ house. You gave her to me and threatened to tell my girlfriend if I said no.” Eddie laughed through the tears that were staining his cheeks.
“Don’t let your father win. He’s not around to control you anymore. If you ask me, you should have gotten on your knees and begged that girl to forgive you; begged her to give you a second chance.” The car stopped and John looked out of the window, the lights from the hotel flickering through the rain. John turned back to Eddie as he took off his seatbelt “Now, I don’t know if she’s going to turn up tomorrow. But if she does? Then she could be the happiest girl in the world if you just let yourself be vulnerable.”
Eddie nodded again, afraid that if he spoke his voice would break with all the emotions that were running through him.
“I assume I’m chaperoning this girl during the show tomorrow?” John said as they both climbed out of the car.
Eddie nodded, and John flung an arm around him as they walked into the hotel.
“I do not get paid enough for everything I do for you.”
.
.
.
After Eddie had left the rest of your shift flew by. No one else came in, which was normal for a weeknight. You spent the last couple of hours of your shift trying to distract yourself from the thoughts that were clouding your brain. Once the sun had started to rise and the orange sunlight began to flood through the windows you felt yourself heave a sigh of relief.
Your manager popped out from the back office every now and then, if she was aware of your run-in with Eddie she didn’t say anything. She never worked the night shift (being the manager had its perks), but the other waitress had called in sick earlier, and there was no one else to cover her.
She had told you she would drive you home, there was no way she was letting you get a taxi. You didn’t argue with her, thanking her and telling her you’d give her gas money, considering your apartment was in the opposite direction to yours. She was adamant you would do no such thing.
Just before 5 AM, the morning waitresses came in. You wouldn’t call them friends per se, but they were nice enough. One was in her mid-forties, with mousy brown hair that she always wore in a long ponytail, bouncing with each footstep she took during her shift. The other was around your age, and you were closer to her. You had been for drinks with her a couple of times, she was loud and extroverted so you never had to do much talking, which you were perfectly happy with.
They made polite conversation as they walked in, asking you how the night had been and if anything eventful had happened.
“Nope, it was pretty boring, to be honest.” There was no way in hell you were telling them that Eddie Munson had been sitting not even a foot away from where they were standing.
You politely dismissed yourself and went to find your manager. You ran into each other in the back hallway, she laughed telling you she was just about to come and rescue you.
The drive home was quiet, casual conversation was shared between the two of you, but nothing more. Soon enough she pulled up outside of your apartment building. You thanked her and went to get out of the car, but before you could she placed a hand on your arm.
“Y/N if there’s something bothering you, you can talk to me, you know? You’ve been quiet for a few months now. I don’t want to intrude or push any boundaries, but I care about you. And not just because you’re a good waitress.” You both laughed, and you assured her you were okay. Maybe one day you’d tell her what had been going on. But not just yet.
You went to bed as soon as you stepped foot into your apartment, only making time to pull off your clothes and throw on the oversized t-shirt you slept in. The mattress seemed to swallow you whole as you threw your body down and pulled your comforter over your head.
.
.
.
You only realised you hadn’t set an alarm when you woke up that evening, with a couple of hours left before you needed to leave.
To see Eddie.
Oh fuck.
You stumbled through your apartment to your bathroom and jumped in the shower. The cold water stole a breath from you and made sure you were awake. It took far too long for the water in your building to warm up, and to be honest, you figured taking a cold shower before you saw Eddie couldn’t be a bad thing.
Coming out of the bathroom, a fluffy towel wrapped around you, you turned on the lamps you had dotted around your apartment, the daylight quickly fading.
Your apartment was nice, you were incredibly lucky you had stumbled upon it when you moved here. It was only a studio, but what more did you need when it was just you? You separated your bedroom from the lounge and kitchen with a curtain that hung from the ceiling. It had been there when you moved in and you didn’t question how exactly the previous residents had got it there in the first place.
The rest of the apartment was undoubtedly old-fashioned. With 60’s and 70’s architecture but you made it your own. You brought all of your furniture from thrift stores, leaning into the 60’s look that you had been lumbered with. A variety of rugs covered the floor, lamps were placed on tables and plants were in every corner. It felt homely, certainly far from perfect but it was your own, and that was all that mattered.
You spent an hour or so doing your makeup, hair and getting dressed. You had never been the most confident person, but tonight you felt genuinely pretty. But you barely gave yourself time to let yourself feel that before the nerves took over your body. You felt lightheaded, a telltale sign that your anxiety was about to get the better of you.
So you did what you should never do in those situations. You eyed up the bottle of vodka you had out on your kitchen counter, left over from the other night when your friends had come over.
You told yourself you’d do one shot. Ease your nerves and loosen you up so you could at least talk to Eddie when you saw him.
Now, you would like to reiterate that this was the worst decision you could have made.
After the first shot, you called a taxi. And then you took two more shots before leaving your apartment.
You were a lightweight. This is important to note because you were already tipsy.
You arrived at the venue about five minutes before the concert started, meaning it was relatively quiet outside, everyone else was already inside, excitedly waiting for it to start. You remembered what Eddie had said about speaking to security and asking for John. It was cool outside, but not cold. The soft air hits your face and sobers you up slightly, you rested against a wall for a minute, asking yourself what the fuck you were doing.
Eddie had said sorry only after he had shouted at you. Accused you of telling anyone who would listen that you had fucked him. And maybe you were crazy, maybe you were being stupid. But… you looked at him and you felt like you were wrapped in a warm hug, his eyes were deafening. One look into them and time slowed down, any music stopped playing, and everyone stopped talking, all because you were looking at him.
You couldn’t ignore that feeling. It was the feeling you read about in fairy tales as a child. So here you were, wearing your heart on your sleeve. Trusting Eddie not to break it.
You made your way over to one of the entrances and spoke to the man standing there. You asked him to get John. He asked your name, and when you told him a knowing look crossed his face. He smiled and told you to wait there.
Has Eddie told everyone about you? No, no he wouldn’t do that. He probably told John to let security know you were coming, so they wouldn't turn you away.
Whilst you waited for John you felt the alcohol really take an effect. Oh no.
Before you had time to curse yourself for your decisions John rounded the corner, he smiled at you and waved you forward.
“I really hoped you would turn up. I don’t know why, but I did.” John told you, there was something in his voice you couldn’t place. He sounded happy, amused almost. A complete turnaround from his demeanour when you first met him.
“Eddie could convince anyone to do anything.” your voice was slightly shaky, trying to act sober will do that to a person. John looked at you as he led you to the balcony you would watch the show from, a knowing look crossing his face.
If he knew you were drunk, he spared you the embarrassment of pointing it out “He really could.” John pushed back a curtain and signalled for you to walk through. The balcony was big, and there were plenty of people up there. Some were sitting on the sofas that were dotted along the back wall, others were leaning over the railing watching the concert. It had just started, and the noise was deafening as you walked in, the music was almost drowned out by the screams throughout the arena.
“I’ll come back to get you at the end” you nodded your appreciation and walked over to the railing, a couple of people smiled at you. You assumed they were all family and friends, and suddenly you felt incredibly out of your comfort zone. You focused on the show instead, ignoring the eyes that you could feel staring at the back of your head. You didn’t blame them for being curious as to who you were, you just wished they would stop staring at you.
Twenty or so minutes later someone who obviously worked the bar brought over a tray of cocktails for everyone. Given your already tipsy state, you were inclined to pass on them, but then a sweet woman brought you one over. She was all wide smiles, sparkly eyes and gentle conversation. And soon enough you were downing another cocktail whilst she told you all about herself.
She was the wife of the drummer. They were high-school sweethearts and had a kid together. It was nice, she didn’t pressure you to tell her exactly why you were there which you were grateful for. You weren’t sure how to explain you were a one-time hook-up who was now here for… you still didn’t know what you were here for. But you felt yourself relax as you finished the cocktail and you ended up enjoying yourself far more than you had anticipated, a smile was plastered across your face when the concert ended and John came up behind you, a gentle tap on the shoulder to get your attention.
“Eddie asked me to take you straight out to the car, he’s already there,” John said as he held an arm out around you. You were drunker than you thought.
“Why are we going to a car? Wait–” You turned around comically fast, John held back a laugh when you held your arm out to steady yourself “did you tell Eddie I was… drunk?” you whispered the last word, for some reason.
You were so far gone it would have been funny any other time. Right now you wanted the floor to swallow you whole.
“I popped my head in halfway through and saw you down a cocktail. Considering I could smell vodka on you when you got here I made the safe assumption you wouldn’t be sober.” your face dropped at his words and he noticed, “hey don’t worry about it. Eddie is in no position to judge anyone for this, trust me, sweetheart.”
You nodded and let him lead you to the car, the cold night air a welcome feeling on your warm skin. John opened the door for you and you looked in to see Eddie with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Oh no he’s gonna laugh at me John” you sounded like a child who had been caught eating chocolate when they weren’t supposed to. John couldn’t help but find it endearing.
“Yeah he might, but it will be out of love” you tilted your head at his words. ‘Out of love’ was a saying, but the idea of Eddie loving you made your heart jump and your brain shut off.
John asked for your address, and when you questioned why exactly he needed to know that, he said Eddie was taking you home.
.
.
.
“Okay you’re like Bambi on ice here sweetheart, give me your hand”
You had arrived at your apartment soon enough, the flickering city lights and the motion of the car enough to make your head spin. Eddie noticed and told you to rest your head on his shoulder. You did what he said, practically burying your face in his jacket to stop the dizziness from getting worse. Now you were attempting to make it up to your apartment, which was proving to be a much more difficult task than it should be. You had sobered up compared to earlier, but you were still tipsy and your balance was questionable at the best of times. You were still tipsy enough to be far more relaxed than you were expecting to be around Eddie.
Eddie held a hand out for you and you wrapped your fingers around his wrist, balancing yourself as you walked down the corridor.
“I am much more graceful than Bambi ever was,” you told Eddie, trying to search for your keys in your pockets as you stood outside your door.
“If you say so” Eddie laughed, it was a sweet laugh, one that filled your whole body with warmth and made you feel all gooey inside. Gooey was not a word that existed in your daily vocabulary, but apparently, it was when you were drunk.
“Please tell me you have your keys–”
“I have them! These pockets are just– oh! See, I’ve got them!”
“You sure do” Eddie watched you as he kept a gentle arm around you, he wasn’t touching you, he was just ready for you to go down at any minute.
You not-so-gracefully managed to get your keys in the door and swing it open, Eddie was hesitant, waiting outside your door as you swept your apartment, turning on the lamps and closing your curtains. “You can come in, you know”
“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe, that’s all.”
“I thought you wanted to talk to me?” you asked him, had he changed his mind? You felt tears well at the back of your eyes and you silently cursed yourself.
“Tomorrow. If you want to. I’ll give you my number, and you can call me when you’re not drunk, okay sweet?”
“O-okay. '' he watched you search for something for a minute, and then you were signalling for him to come in. He did, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.
“Here. Write your number down for me,” you told him as you held out the pad and paper. A smile spread across his face and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.
“I could just put my number into your phone, sweetheart. I thought I was meant to be the old one here.”
“Shut up, it’s cute this way,” you whispered under your breath, but he clung to every word. You were different in your own home, Eddie thought. More relaxed, although that could be the alcohol. But no, the way that you walked around, comfort seeping into you as you relaxed back into your own space. The way you had slipped your shoes off instantly, your socks padding across the floor as you turned on the lights. It suited you, he thought.
Eddie nodded his head to the table in the corner, asking if he could lean against that to write his number for you, as you had insisted. You mouthed a ‘yeah’ at his request. He seemed to take in everything around him as he walked over to the table, looking at the decor you had lying around. You suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable.
He was in your home. This man was still arguably a stranger. But that pang of vulnerability was soon replaced with a feeling of contentness. Eddie suited domesticity. He fit right into your space, his style a contrast to your apartment, but it wasn’t unwelcome.
You pulled your eyes away from Eddie long enough to try and grab yourself a drink of water. But as you leant your hands on the kitchen counter you placed your hand right on a knife you had left out earlier. In your drunken state, you attempted to pick it up and put it away, but you managed to grab the sharp edge. You pulled your hand back quickly, but there was still a cut on your palm, blood pooling around the injury.
“Oh shit,” you hissed, pain evident in your voice.
“What’s wrong?” Eddie practically jumped out of the chair he had sat in, dropping the pen he was holding and making his way over to you.
“I picked up that knife,” you told him.
“What– why– why did you do that?” Eddie asked you, with genuine confusion in his voice as he gently took your hand into his, looking at the damage you had done.
“Well I thought it would be fun to– I obviously didn’t do it on purpose!” you said defensively, but you were smiling at him despite the pain.
“Yeah, okay.” Eddie hadn’t heard any of what you had just said, you could tell by the flatness of his voice, “come on, let’s get you sorted out.”
You suddenly felt nervous, his hand on your sending heat rising throughout you. “No, it’s okay. You go, I can just stick a bandaid on it. It’s all good.”
“I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing I left a lady in distress.” Eddie joked, you couldn’t help the blush that flooded your cheeks at his words, “besides your hand could still fall off.” Eddie said in a dead-serious tone. One that made you burst out laughing.
“I think it’ll be okay,” you said through breathy laughter.
“Let me take care of you and we’ll know for certain,” Eddie said. You nodded and he asked you where your bathroom was. You stared at him for a second and then pointed to the only door in the apartment, besides the front one. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the smartest cookie in the jar. But that was okay.
Eddie led you to the bathroom and you sat down on the counter next to the sink, holding your hand out in front of you.
“Do you have a first-aid kit?” Eddie asked you gently.
“In the cupboard below the sink,” you told him, moving your legs to the side so he could get to it.
Eddie bent down and grabbed it off the shelf. He stood back up and placed it next to you, opening it and grabbing out what he needed. You moved your legs so Eddie could stand between them. He picked up your hand and looked at it once more before he gently cleaned it. You watched his hands the whole time, the way he was so soft with you, whispering out little apologies when you whispered out a complaint once that it hurt.
Eddie wrapped a dressing around your hand, you asked if it was too much but he said the cut was deeper than you realised. So you simply nodded and watched his hands wrap around yours. Once he had secured the dressing he looked up at you, breathing a “done” and holding your hand in his.
You meant to say thank you, but that wasn’t what came out “You’re really pretty.”
Eddie smirked and dropped his head, you could tell he was trying not to laugh at your brutal honesty. “So are you angel.”
A sickly-sweet smile crossed both of your faces. You wanted to kiss him.
You should kiss him.
You moved your head ever so slightly, but Eddie caught on to what you were doing and brought his spare hand up to rest on your cheek, a sweet movement but one that was intended to stop you from doing what you were about to.
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m tipsy,” you insisted.
“I’m not gonna kiss you. Not tonight, sweetheart.” You pouted at his words. A childish move and quite frankly it confirmed to him that you were far from sober.
“When I kiss you again, I want you to remember it.” you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his. His hand on your face, and his voice and his eyes and it was all-consuming.
“Come on, get into bed,” you smirked and he swore every time you smiled at him you took a little piece of his heart with you. “By yourself, smartass. Get into bed by yourself.”
“My makeup,” you told him. It was barely a full sentence but it was the best you could do when he was standing so close to you.
“Yeah, I like it.” He said. He rubbed his thumb under your eye and you held back a laugh.
“No– I can’t go to sleep in my makeup.” you clarified. He sighed out an ‘oh’ and then dipped back down to open the cupboard below the sink. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but then he came back up with makeup remover and a washcloth. A smile that tugged on his star-filled eyes flooded his face.
Your heart broke for him all over again but for a different reason this time.
“Close your eyes, angel. Don’t wanna blind you.”
You did as he said, slowly closing your eyes after you saw him tip some of the water onto the cloth. He was incredibly gentle with you, barely applying enough pressure to remove the makeup, but you didn’t tell him that.
After a minute or so you felt his hand leave your face and you hesitantly opened your eyes. He smiled at you and tilted his head, taking you in.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Shut up old man.” you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. In your defence, in your current state, that was the height of comedy.
“Oh wow. You have a talent for running perfect moments don’t you doll.”
“I’m sorry. You’re not old” You told him, moving to get down off the counter and make your way into bed, “You’re middle-aged”
Eddie huffed out a laugh as he followed you, “I’ll take it.” He sighed, you couldn’t see but his eyes were full of love as he watched you get into bed. You hadn’t bothered to change into pyjamas. That felt… too much. You were drunk enough that you could easily fall asleep in your clothes.
“Do you need to lock the door after me,” Eddie asked quietly.
“The door locks automatically, as soon as you shut it. I’ve been locked out too many times to count,” you told him, your voice muffled by the pillow your head was smushed against.
“Okay.” Eddie ran a hand through your hair that fell around your face. “I’m gonna go, angel.”
You were too tired to verbally respond anymore, sleep had quickly taken over when your body hit the mattress. You heard Eddie move around, but didn’t lift your head to see what he was doing. And then you heard the door open and shut.
Your eyes shut to the sound of his walking down the corridor.
.
.
.
When you woke up the next morning your first thought was of Eddie.
And that was how you knew you were officially fucked.
You sat up and a glass of water on your bedside table caught your eye. You didn’t remember putting it there but you gratefully leaned over and picked it up, taking small sips as you assessed how bad your hangover was.
It wasn’t. That was your saving grace. You were still young enough to avoid bad hangovers; you had a slight headache and the sunlight seemed slightly too bright. But it was nothing a couple of painkillers wouldn’t sort out. Sitting up fully you swung your legs out of the bed, feet hitting the floor with a dull thud.
You put the now-empty glass back down and a piece of paper grabbed your attention. Picking it up you saw a number written down. And an ‘-E’ next to it.
.
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.
Eddie got back to the hotel to find John waiting outside his room.
“It’s creepy to stalk people, you know?” Eddie announced as he pulled out the card to open the door.
John ignored him, “How was the girl?” heasked, tiredness seeping from him.
“You know her name, what’s with calling her ‘the girl’ all the time?” Eddie asked as he stepped inside.
“I like it. Makes it sound more mysterious.” John said as he leaned in the doorway, watching Eddie make his way down the hallway and into the bedroom.
“She’s passed out in bed,” Eddie shouted loud enough for John to hear him.
“Good. The poor girl’s gonna have a hell of a morning.”
“She’s young, she’ll be fine,” Eddie said, coming back out from the bedroom and leaning against the wall.
“Right. And you? You’ll be fine too?” John asked sincerely.
“If you let me get some damn sleep I’ll be great.” John nodded and pushed himself off the door frame, pulling the door shut behind him.
Eddie didn’t sleep much that night. He tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning, finally falling asleep when his body physically couldn’t stay awake any longer.
He was thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about you.
Which is why when his phone rang halfway through the morning, he jumped off the couch and practically lunged for his phone that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him.
“Hello?” Eddie’s voice was loud against the quietness on the other end of the phone, for a minute he worried it wasn’t you calling. His chest suddenly felt heavy, but then–
“Hi. It’s me.” You.
Your voice rang through his head and he would never admit to anyone that a smile graced his face at the sound.
“How are you?” Eddie asked, he swore you could hear his smile in his voice.
“I’m alive.” you said, laughter bubbling up, “No, I’m okay actually.”
“Enjoy it, you won’t be young forever, doll,” Eddie told you as he fidgeted in his seat.
“Yeah– yeah I know.” something deeper seeped into your voice, a seriousness coming through your words. “Can we talk? I know you wanted to last night, and I’m so so sorry, I’m so embarrassed that I–”
“You’re all good, sweetheart,” Eddie responded and he heard you breathe a sigh of relief.
“Do you want to come over? I can send a car for you, come and pick you up?” Eddie asked, holding his breath as he waited for an answer.
“No I can just get a taxi, it’s okay.” Eddie already knew better than to argue with you, so he didn’t. “Where are you? Some fancy hotel for rich people I’m guessing?”
Eddie chuckled, he liked it when you made fun of him, because he could always hear the adoration in your voice as you did, “yeah I’m at uh– the same hotel I was last time.”
“Ah, yeah okay. So it’s okay for me to come over, you’re not busy?” You asked sweetly, nerves peeking their head.
“No. Never.” Eddie told you.
Eddie told you the floor and room number before you hung up.
Shit. Okay.
He made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t fuck this up again.
.
.
.
The drive to the hotel was the longest you had ever experienced. Every emotion was running through your body as you rode the elevator to Eddie’s floor. Your leg bounced underneath you repeatedly as you fiddled with the ring on your middle finger. Eventually, the doors opened and you stepped out, smiling at a couple as they walked past you.
You checked the number on each door until you reached the one Eddie had told you was his.
You could still turn around.
No.
You were already knocking on the door. And you heard someone move around through the door. You realised you were scratching your hands and quickly dropped them to your sides before the door opened, and you saw Eddie standing there.
He looked like he always did. Messy hair framed his face. Freckles dotted his nose and under his eyes.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Eddie’s voice alone could convince you to do anything he asked of you, it was one of those voices that managed to seep into your veins and completely engulf you.
“Hey,” you responded, feeling that calm overtake you. The same calm and safety you felt whenever he looked at you, “Can I come in?” you asked when he didn’t say anything.
He was taking you in. He was also going over everything he wanted to say to you. He was terrified. Truly.
“Yeah– shit, yeah of course,” Eddie uttered, moving to the side to allow you to walk in.
It wasn’t the same suite as last time. This floor was higher up, but it was almost identical. The same layout, the same rooms, the same corridor he had left you standing in.
You walked in and made your way to where you knew the living room was, the same decadence overwhelmed you, and you had to take a minute to get used to it again. Eddie followed a couple of steps behind you - the air was thick with tension, neither of you entirely sure of what the other was about to say or do.
You turned to look at Eddie and inclined your head towards the couch, asking if it was okay for you to sit down. He nodded and you both sat yourselves down on either ends of the couch, enough space between the two of you for another person to fit there.
The TV played silently, a movie playing that you didn’t recognise. The floor-to-ceieling windows that covered the wall to the side of you let sunlight drown the room in a warm golden glow.
“I–”
“Do you-”
You both cut yourselves off as you spoke over one another. It could have been an awkward moment, but the feeling faded into something sweeter. A tender moment that showed each other just how nervous you both were. For some reason, knowing Eddie was just as nervous as you were made you feel better.
“Sorry, I just– I had some… stuff I wanted to to tell you, say to you.” Eddie told you, watching your face ccarefully. “If that’s okay.”
“Yeah, yeah that’s fine. I’m sorry, go ahead.” You settled back into the couch, lifting your legs and crossing them as you turned to face Eddie.
“Okay I’m not promising I’m very good at articulating myself, or fuckin’ whatever, so you’re gonna have to give me a minute.” Eddie said, his voice shaky.
“That’s okay.” you told him, your voice soft and bareilly above a whisper. His eyes had glazed over with something like fear, you wanted to lean across and rest a comforting hand on his, but you didn’t. Not yet.
“That morning, when I left you–” you tensed up as the memory flooded back, Eddie noticed it too but carried on, “I have regretted that every day since then. I’ve done some really fucking stupid things, maybe one day I can tell you all of them, but that? Leaving you? That is the worst thing I have ever done.”
Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and he coughed before carrying on talking, giving himself a minute to gather himself.
“I thought I would move on. Forget about you– and I know, that makes me sound like a complete asshole, but I’m tryna be honest here. I wanted to forget about you. I needed to. Because the way I felt when I looked at you, scared me so much I didn’t know what to do.”
The emotions you were both feeling were palpable in the comforting silence of the room. You didn’t try and interject, letting Eddie talk. You had never heard his voice sound so genuine. Almost like every other time he had spoken he had been putting on a mask, pretending to be someone else- pretending to be the rockstar everyone so desperately wanted him to be. You liked this version of him a lot more.
“When I was a kid my–” he paused for a minute, unintentional, as if he wanted to speak but he couldn’t form the words for a second, “my mom used to tell me that when you meet someone who makes you feel so happy it terrifies you, you should hold onto them.”
“Because that’s when you know its real. She told me you couldn’t love someone without being scared to death at the same time. Because loving somsone? Fuck, it’s a big feeling, you know?” You laughed gently at that, for someone who famously wrote his own music he really did have an interesting choice of words, but you found it endearing.
“It takes over every part of you and when she would tell me that, I thought she was lying, or something. Because if falling in love was so terrifying I didn’t understand why people would do it.” Eddie was moving his hands as he spoke, punctuating every word with a gentle movement. “And then I never felt that way, towards anyone. In forty years I never looked at someone and felt the world fall out from beneath my feet. And I was glad I didn’t, because I didn’t want to hurt that person.”
Your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, your moth dropping open slightly to ask him what he meant. But then he was talking again, and you settled back into listening.
“Sweetheart I am not here to try and emotionally blackmail you into staying, or being with me, or anything, okay?” Eddie’s voice went more serious, his eyes staring into yours in a way that made you think he could see right through you and read every thought that was running through your mind.
“And I’m not going to sit here and tell you some cliche sob story about how I had a shitty childhood and it fucked me up or anything.” You hadn’t realised it but you had moved closer to Eddie, your knees grazing each others as you listened to him talk.
“I did have a crappy childhood- I mean it wasn’t the worst, by any means but it wasn’t an all-American family with a white picket fence, you know? My dad was- my dad was the worst man I’ve ever met in my life, he treated my mom like a fucking piece of shit and I hated him for it. I listened to them fight, argue, I would leave my bedroom door open so I could hear if I needed to go and help my mom.”
You felt tears well in your eyes as he spoke. He was being completely honest with you. You could tell. This wasn’t easy for him to talk about.
He had never spoken about this.
“He’d hit her, do other things too but I remember when he would hit her. I remember the noise it would make. I would try and grab his arm but he would just swing back at me and throw me against the nearest wall– and I was a skinny kid you know? Fuck there was nothing of me, so I had no chance against him.”
Eddie seemed to quickly realise how much he had just said, what he had admitted to you and his face dropped. “Fuck I– I only told you that because one day, after my mom had left, and we were fighting he told me that– he told me that I was just like him.”
“He said when he looked at me, he saw himself. Which I didn’t understand at first, because I was the spitting image of my mom. Hair, the eyes, everything. But then he laughed and told me that one day I’d realise it too, that I was gonna be exactly like him, whether I wanted to or not.�� Eddie shifted his body weight on the couch, moving his hand to rest over the back of it.
“So that day I promised myself I would never fall in love with someone, because I would never put someone through what he put me and my mom through.” Eddie wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, he wasn’t crying but he obviously worried he was about to.
When he didn’t carry on talking you said, “Eddie can I say something?” he nodded and you moved your hand to rest it on his knee that was next to yours, his eyes followed your hand movement and then flicked back up to yours when he realised what you were doing.
“You just sat and told me that you’re biggest fear is turning into your dad, right?” Eddie nodded slowly, waiting to see what you were going to say. “But the fact that you just told me that? That means you are nothing like him.”
Eddie swallowed a lum in his throat, “I don’t want to hurt you, in any way. But what if there’s something inside me that is just bad.”
“What if there’s something inside of you that is just desperate to love and be loved?”
Eddie moved his hand to rest over yours, and you interlaced your fingers together.
“There’s more I want to tell you, but I can’t right now, I’m just not ready but I will, soon. And I will spend every minute of every day aplogizing for leaving you, for being an asshole to you at the diner, for everything. I promise you I–”
‘Eddie, I know you will.” you truly did know that.
“Okay.” his voice come out soft, gratefulness tinging his voice as he realised you genuinely meant it. And then an understanding flicked between the two of you.
You two were far from perfect. This situation was far from a fairytale. And maybe to everyone else you would seem crazy for what you were about to do. But you didn’t care. Because when you looked at Eddie you felt the most terrified you have ever felt in your life, because you knew you wanted to see his face every day for the rest of your life.
Eddie knew that too. He knew there was no other option anymore. He had to wake up next to you every morning, he had to fall asleep next to you every night, and there was no other choice expect that.
“Can you kiss me now?” you asked, a smile tugging on your lips and lighting your eyes up in a way that had Eddie falling head over heels all over again.
“Yeah– yeah, sweetheart. Come here,” Eddie leaned forward at the same time you did and cupped your face in both of his hands, you titled your head to the side and then all of the planets aligned and nothing else mattered except the press of his lips against yours.
The kiss started off slow, sweet and deep like you were both trying to saviour this moment for as long as possible. Eddie’s lips moved gently against your own and you reached up to take one of his hands that was cupping your face, and interlace your fingers together.
His lips were soft and you felt like you were floating on a sun-kissed cloud everytime he guided your head to the side, allowing him to kiss you harder, deeper. Soon enough that feeling built up inside you again and you took a leap of faith; opening your mouth and letting your tongue run softly over Eddie’s bottom lip, a desperate plead for more.
Eddie pulled back, you leaned forward trying to chase his lips, and he couldn’t help the love that consumed him at the look of serenity that painted your face. You didn’t want to be away from him for even a second. And neither did he, but he didn’t want to ruin this, or seem like he only wanted one thing.
“Sweetheart– we don’t have to.” Eddie told you gently, his hand caressing your face and his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin.
“You don’t want to?” You asked, if he didn’t want to you would stop, of course you would.
“No! I mean no, yes– I do want to, fuck of course I do. I just don’t want you to think-”
“I don’t think that Eddie, I promise.” you cut him off before he could finish speaking, already knowing what he was about to say, the worry that flashed across his face told you everything you needed to know. A sickly-sweet smile spread across his face before he leaned back in to kiss you. Your lips moving against each others in perfect harmony, like this was what you were meant to do all your life.
Eddie let his tongue run over your bottom lip, you let him deepen the kiss and your tongues met in a cataclysmic way, both of you desperate to taste each other. The kiss was fast and slow, deep and soft, it was everything you had been craving for the past seven months- even when you hated him, you couldn’t forget the way his lips had felt on yours.
You could have been making out for five minutes or five hours, time had no meaning when you were with Eddie, it was all him and nothing else. But then you felt him push you back slightly, he relucatlanly pulled away from you, his lips still grazing yours as he told you to lie down.
You did as he asked you to, clumsily manouvering your body until you were lay flat against the soft couch cushions, Eddie moving to lie on top of you. One of his hands rested on your waist, his fingers grazing the tiny slip of skin that was showing where your jumper had raised up. He rested his weight on his forearm next to your head, carefully moving your hair out of the way before he did so.
You breathed him in as he lowered his mouth to your jaw, planting gentle kisses over your face. His hair fell around both of you, and if kissing Eddie felt like heaven then you didn’t have the vocolabury to describe what it felt like to be underneath him, completely consumed by everything that was so undeniably Eddie.
His curly hair, his soft lips, the little sighs he let out when he kissed a new spot on your body, the way his ring-clad fingers graze your skin. It was as close to a religious experience that you would ever get.
Eddie trailed kisses down your across your jaw and down your neck, you lent your head back further, giving him more room and you felt his lips turn up into a smile against your skin.
Your hand raised to rest in Eddie’s hair as he kissed your neck, instantly finding your sweet spot again, as if no time had passed and every sound you had made and reacted to his every touch came flooding back to him as he tasted your skin.
He was determined be soft with you. Take things slow and savour every moment. You were too, but then Eddie gently grazed your sweet spot with his teeth and you found yourself pushing his head further into his neck, desperate for his touch.
Eddie listened to you, the hand on the back of his head told him everything he needed to know. He gently sucked a lovebite over your pulse point; the breathy moans that fell from your mouth were music to him, he would do whatever it took to hear those noises for the rest of his life.
Eddie continued to mouth at your neck until he needed to kiss you again. He lifted his head from your neck only to be met your heavy eyelids, mouth slightly parted and a look of complete comfort on your face. He held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, moving your head back up to him. Your noses touching before he connected your lips, and you kissed like the world was ending tomorrow.
This was perfect, but you needed more. You felt that familiar aching start to grow within you and you languidly moved one of your legs to wrap around Eddie’s waist, pulling him flush against you.
Your movement caused Eddie to falter in his kissing you, for just a second. And then he had his hand on your jean-clad thigh and he was carefully grinding his hips down into yours. Determined to keep the soft atmosphere you were both bathing in. You panted into each other’s mouths, neither of you kissing anymore, your lips only moving against each other because of the gentle movement of Eddie rocking against you.
Neither of you said anything, you didn’t need to. Your soft pants and whimpers filling the soothing silence in the room. Both of you perfectly content to just take each other in, feel each other’s bodies move against each other, without any rush for more.
You lasted like that for a while. Sweet kisses shared between the two of you. And then Eddie made one move with his hips that had you moaning louder than you had before, and suddenly it wasn’t enough.
“Eddie,” you managed to breathe out.
“Yeah, angel?” Eddie asked you, his own voice sounding fucked out already.
“Need more,” Eddie pressed a kiss to your lips in response, he would give you whatever you needed.
“Yeah? tell me sweetheart, I’ll give you whatever you need, you just need to tell me.” Eddie’s soft voice settled over you and tightened your grip on him, grounding yourself. Trying to remind you that was real. This was really happening. Eddie made you feel so safe that you didn’t feel any embarrassment in telling him what you needed.
“I need- fuck, need your fingers, please.” Eddie whispered an okay and managed to slip his hands between your bodies, sitting up to undo the buttons on your jeans, his hands were shaking slightly. Yours were too.
“Can you just lift your–” you did what he asked before he got the question out. Somehow, despite him lying over you, he managed to take your jeans and underwear off. You both laughed quietly when it became slightly awkward, both of you moving around as you needed to. Soon enough he had your jeans placed on the floor next to you.
Eddie placed kisses along the top of your thigh, moving up to kiss over your waist and stomach, gently pushing up your jumper once you signalled it was okay for him to do that. He already had your pants off, and yet he wouldn’t even lift your top up without getting your permission again.
Eddie was kissing every square inch of your body, his plump lips leaving sparks everywhere he touched you. As content as you were to bask in the affection, you really needed him to touch you.
You tapped his shoulder and pulled him up to you, moving him where you wanted him, exposing his neck so you could kiss it. He let you, tilting his head to side and letting small breathless whines fall from his lips as yours caressed his neck.
You felt his hand slip between your bodies again and then his fingers fell to between your legs and he ran them through your slit, gathering the wetness he found there and moving them up to your clit.
“Fuck doll, you’re so wet, so fuckin’ perfect for me.” Eddie was breathless just from feeling how needy you were for him. He already knew he would never get over the affect he had on you.
You moaned out in response and Eddie circled your clit. His fingers sedning sparks through your body, “Oh god– Eddie”.
“I know, I know. It’s okay, let it out. Let me hear you.” Eddie cooed at you, applying slightly more pressure and just barely speeding up, and when your back arched off the sofa he smiled, knowing he’d found the perfect way to touch you.
Eddie dipped down to kiss you, and you pulled him closer to you. You werne’t sure you would ever be close enough to him. He kissed you as his hand worked you to your breaking point, he swallowed your soft whimpers and moans, letting out little shh shh shh’s and comforting praise when you got too worked up.
“Fuck oh my god– inside me, please Eds,” The nickname broke his heart and he kissed your forehead before dipping his two fingers down to press them gently inside you.
The stretch of his two fingers was definitely there, but it was clouded by the pleasure that spread through your body, and the relief of him touching you the way you needed.
“You’re okay, sweets?” Eddie asked when he saw your eyebrows scrunched together, eyes closed. But then you moaned and nodded your head with such certainty it would have been comedic if he wasn’t so completely enamoured by the way you were falling apart underneath him.
He slowly started moving his fingers in you, your wetness making it feel even better. Eddie was barely even pulling them out of you, instead he rocked them gently inside you, and when he curled his fingers upwards you swear you died for a second. Your eyes screwed shut and your mouth dropping open in a soundless moan.
You were so despeate you knew from the start you wouldn’t last long, but he had barely been going for two minutes and you felt that knot get tighter in your stomach and you knew you were so close to being thrown over the edge.
Eddie felt you get tighter around his fingers and he was grinding his hips down into your thigh without even realising he was doing it. Feeling his hips move against you was all you needed to send you to your breaking point, Eddie noticed instantly in the way your breath hitched.
“Are you gonna come for me, sweetheart?” you nodded as he kissed your cheek, your nose, the side of your mouth; anywhere he could reach. “You can come angel, come on. Just let go for me, I’ve got you. Need to feel you come all over my fingers for me”
His words sent you over the edge and you barely even recognised the sounds you let out, your ears were ringing and you were sure your vision blacked out for a second. Eddie never let up, working you through your orgasm, drawing it out for as long as possible, letting you ride it until it got to be too much.
When it did, your hand flew down to his hand, grabbing his wrist to stop his movements. Eddie carefully pulled his fingers out of you and your eyes went wide with need when he raised them to his mouth, cleaning your arousal off of them and dipping down to kiss you.
The taste of yourself on his tongue was all-consuming. Eddie moaned against you and you pushed your hand between you to feel his cock through his pants. His hips stuttered and he swore under his breath.
“Fuck sweetheart, keep doing that.” Eddie practically begged you, and who were you to say no to such a pretty man begging you to touch him?
You kept plaming him over his pants, he was moaning into his neck and when you undid his zipper to slip your hand underneath he almost bit down on the skin he was sucking on to stop himself from distrubing the rest of the hotel with the sounds that were falling from his mouth.
“Shit, okay– I need to be inside you, angel. Is that okay?” Eddie asked, his eyes clouded with arousal and his skin flushed.
You nodded and shorty after Eddie was pulling you up from your position on the couch. Eddie stood up and held his hand out for you. You took it and he led you to the bedroom across the hallway. Time slowed down as he delicately placed his hands on you hips and pulled you against him, kissing you as he placed his hand behind your head and lay you down onto the bed, climbing to rest on top of you.
You kissed him until you felt him tense against you. You bit back a laugh at how desperate he was, he didn’t want to rush you, of course. But he was certain if he didn’t get inside you in the next two minutes he was going to go insane. He needed to feel you around him.
You pushed Eddie’s shoulder and he pulled away from you to see what you were doing.
“Fuck me, Eddie.” you said breathlessly.
Eddie didn’t need to be asked twice.
He backed off you to throw off his trousers and top and grab a condom. You watched him intensely and felt the wetness cover your thighs at the sight of him.
You had almost forgotten how perfect he was. Almost.
He moved back over you, kissing you as he wrapped your legs around his waist loosely. He guided himself into you, rubbing himself over your clit a couple of times until you were whimpering for him to please fuck you.
He remembered the last time. How it took you a second to adjust to him. He was gentle as he pushed unto you a few inches. He stold your breath from you for a second, the stretch not feeling as painful as last time, instead you were already begging for more. Moving your hips to get him deeper.
Eddie smiled and carried on pushing into you. Watching your face for any sign that you were uncomfortable, but it never came. Soft whimpers and moans fell from your lips and your legs tightened around him as he bottomed out inside you.
It felt so right. Nothing felt as right as Eddie being inside you.
“Fuck, good girl– taking me so fucking well.” Eddie praised you as he began to move inside you, pulling out almost all the way and then back into you.
He found the perfect rhythm. One that had you both whispering soft praises into each others mouths and had your nails digging into his back. His forearms were back on either side of his head as held his body weigh off of you.
But when you whimpered out in protest at the small piece of space left between you he lowered himself, his chest flush against yours and his head buried in your neck.
His ring-clad fingers held onto your thigh around his waist- despite the gentleness, you were sure you would have marks there afterwards.
Eddie normally lasted a while, but being inside of you sent him flying towards his release ridiculously fast. He mouthed at your neck and when he hit that sweet-spot inside you, you let out a moan that could have made Eddie come there and then.
“Fuck baby, you feel so good– oh god,” his voice was muffled against your neck, never stopping pressing kisses into your skin.
“You feel so good too, fuck Eddie.”
Eddie wanted you to come again before him, he pushed one of your legs up, holding it against you and the change in position had you clawing at his back and pulling his head up so you could kiss him.
You could tell Eddie was close by the whimpers he was letting out, his head dropping to rest against yours and you could hear him right in your ear, sending your eyes rolling back into your head.
“Fuck I want you to come for me, Eddie,” you whispered against his hair.
He pulled up to look at you, he looked completely fucked out and you wondered how he hadn’t come already.
“Want you to come first, angel, okay?” Eddie asked you, desperation seeping through his words.
“No, no it’s okay. Please I want you to come. I need you to come for me, please baby–”
Eddie mewled and you pulled him down into a fiery kiss, the gentleness that had permeated everything you had done before suddenly disappearing.
“Jesus sweethear, you;re gonna kill me, oh fuck–”
Eddie groaned and you felt his hips stutter against yours as he came. You ran your fingers through his hair as he came. His grip on your thigh loosening and your leg dropping back against the mattress when his whole body went limp.
If he wasn’t already flush against you he would have collapsed.
You both breathed heavily as he came down from his high. You don’t know how long you lay there for, but Eddie slid his arm underneath your back and pulled you impossibly tighter against you as his head found its place back in your neck.
You were glad he was so fucked out, because you didn’t want him to pull out yet. You loved the feeling of him inside you.
“Sweetheart?” Eddie said into your neck.
You ran your nails along his scalp, humming in answer to his question, telling him you were listening.
“Thank you, fuck you’re. I–” Eddie stopped himself when he looked at you.
But you knew what he wanted to say. He just couldn’t yet. You understood.
“I know. I know, Eddie.” You comforted him and he kissed you, his tongue running over your lips and you stayed like that for a while. Soft, deep kisses shared as you both came to terms with what had just happened. What it meant.
Soon Eddie moved off of you, pulling out gently and tidying himself up. You expected him to come back with a warm washcloth to clean you up to. But when he walked back into the room he pulled you to the end of the bed and knelt down in front of you, pulling your legs over his shoulders.
“Eddie, what–”
“You didn’t come, sweetheart. That just won’t work.” Eddie said before he ran his tongue over your sensitive cunt and your hands dived into his hair and your back arched off the bed and the whole world seemed to go quiet again.
His tongue ran through your slit, alternating between sucking on your clit and dipping his tonuge inside you. You mewled and whimpered and he held his arm over your waist to keep your body pressed to the mattress. But leaving you enough space to grind your hips into his face, he mewled and pulled back to tell you how good you were being for him, that he wanted you to use him until you were seeing stars.
You didn’t last long after that. Your hand covered his that held your waist down and you threw your hea back, letting your hips mvoe against him and not hiding the moans that fell from your half-open mouth.
“Oh fuck me, Eddie– I’m gonna–”
“I know, come on angel, come for me.”
That was all it took for you to go over the edge for the second time. Eddie worked you through your orgasm again, only moving his mouth away from you when you were physically pulling back from the overstimualtion.
When you opened your eyes, as you felt the mattress dip around you, you saw Eddie. His star-flecked eyes looking at yours and you held him against you.
No one else could ever make you feel the way he could.
And no one else could make him feel the way you did.
.
.
.
You and Eddie spent the rest of the day in bed together. Limbs tangled and your head resting on his chest. His arms wrapped around you as he softly scratched your back whilst you talked about anything and everything.
It didn’t matter what you were talking about, it just mattered that you two were together.
You had sex a few more times that day, each time taking your breath away just like the first time. It was all slow and intended to show the other just how much you meaned to each other.
You fell asleep that night completely exhausted. You wrapped yourself around Eddie and he felt sure this was how he would fall asleep for the rest of his life.
You weren’t perfect. Neither of you were. But you didn’t want each other to be perfect- you just wanted you to be yourselves. And you were.
There was a lot to figure out, Too many things you had to discuss and learn about each other. But for now, this was enough.
And when you woke up the next morning, the sunlight hitting your faces from forgetting to shut the curtains, you only pulled the comforter over both do your heads.
Eddie stirred awake and pulled you tighter against him, his arms wrapped around you and you settled back against him, your face in his neck as he rubbed his hands up and down your back, lulling you back to sleep.
.
.
.
thank you so much for reading! <3
taglist @harrys-four-nipples @choke-me-eddie @hbaramas @cardiganquinn @etherealeddie @eddies-girl-22 @tlclick73 @c0untryclub @eddiemunson95 @harrys-tittie @bestofbucky @somethingvicked @emma77645 @bebe0701 @bibieddiesgf @ganjas-shit @corkadymu @digitalhearts @specialsnowflake-gabbi @littlestarfighter03 @mandyjo8719 @hargrovesswifee @eddiesguitarskills @sunnytkm23 @bpj519 @ajeff855 @sebastiansstanswhore @marriedtoeddie @manda-panda-monium @kissmyacdc @tayhar811 @husherstan @teary-eyed-egg @ourautumn86 @whenshelanded @alana4610 @tabloidteen @tobesolovelysstuff @damon-loves-pie @georgiapeaches-world @josephsfavoritegirl @angel-jz @kittenslovie @boinkybarness @sadpetalsstuff @sashaphantomhive @winterton-reads @hermadroyalhiney @loveberrie (i'm sorry if you asked to be on the tag list and you're not here, it got chaotic and i tried my best 🤍)
#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson comfort#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson x fem!reader fluff#eddie munson#rockstar!eddie smut#rockstar!eddie#older!eddie smut#older!eddie#older!eddie x reader#stranger things#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson au#joe quinn#joseph quinn#eddie stranger things#eddie munson x you
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AAAAAAA IDEAAAAAAAAAH
Hi! I'm new here! I've come to bombard you with the idea of a parent of the reader's(most likely dad) showing up to the base out of nowhere.
Secret admirer,
-🐍
Omg I have my first ever emoji anon, Hi!! And yes absolutely I love this. I'm gonna try and be neutral with the parent in question so it's open to anyone :)
P.S idk how I used to format this shit I'm not checking Lmfao
[Task force 141 reacting to your parent/s showing up out of nowhere to visit]
If we're taking into account that this Simon and the og Simon have the same backstory,, its safe to say he doesn't have fond memories of his dad, though he has some for his mother.
Depending on your relationship between you and your parent/s, Ghost is either gonna point blank tell them they're not welcomed here. While Price IS above him, he isn't afraid to pull the intimidation and rank card to get them to get the hell out of there. Ghost was abused by his dad, God fucking forbid you were EVER treated poorly and he finds out.
However, even if your parent is kind, he still is uncomfortable by them being there. It makes his chest feel heavy watching you interact and it just brings up bitter memories he much rather not think of, so he won't linger around and instead go to the gun range and wait it out. He cares for you, and unfortunately, it won't ever really transfer over to your parents. Best he'd do is a stern nod and be on his way.
Soap, however, is very happy to introduce themselves and your parent swoons over his accent and likes him immediately, even if they're not the greatest of parents, Soap will make it a point to put his best foot forward and ask them if they'd want a tour.
If your mom is present she immediately likes him and isn't afraid to give you a look with an eyebrow raise saying "why aren't you dating him?". Don't get me wrong, though. He's not afraid to make smart comments and then joke it off. He's protective but not in your face kinda way.
He's definitely the type to sigh with relief when they're gone, complaining about small things he disliked about them to you openly (a lil bit of a hater but his mom raised him to not be rude to his elders okay.)
Doesn't matter who your parents are, Price intimidates them. He's the captain, and from what you've told them, he is extremely good at his job and he's a no nonsense leader, but you also mention that he's kind and he'd never leave one of his own behind.
Price talks EXTREMELY highly of you, he isn't afraid to clasp a hand on your shoulder and smile that stupid smile of his while he looks down at you in admiration.
It'd be most likely that he himself would have invited your parents without your know how, he has the ties and the authority but trust and believe if you expressed any discomfort with it, he'd rectify it and send them on their way.
Your parents may not like how particularly you close you are with such an older man but it's obvious he cares so much for you and your safety, so they take peace in that.
Gaz is probably the most easy going out of the 4, casually making conversation and if your parents are the type to play match maker, he's their #1 choice I'm not sorry, it's the truth.
Gaz sings your praises, mentioning time and time again that you've been such a good help on base and a good comrade and friend and he will thank your parents for raising you. (Imagine him taking off his hat and holding it to his chest or tipping it what if I swooned)
You KNOW he's invited to family dinners if he's ever in the area, or if he has no plans for the holidays, he's welcome at the family home. (You tell him later that he doesn't need to feel pressured but he just ruffles your hair and asks what kind of alcohol your family prefers)
#i did this headcanon style im so rusty furjekk#i did like this idea tho!! I hope its#kinda decent#ghost <3#soap <3#price <3#gaz <3#call of duty#call of duty x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish x reader#soap x reader#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick x reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#john price x reader#price x reader#call of duty headcanons#kayla writes <3
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Tribal Queen
Title: Tribal Queen
Pairing: Randy Orton x Reader
Summary: Randy fears the repercussions of dating Roman's sister.
Word Count: 659
Randy watched as Roman, Jimmy, Solo, and Paul walked towards the dressing room reserved for The Bloodline. He knew that he had been a piece of work in his younger years, but he hoped that he hadn't been that dramatic about things. Randy had always valued using the same locker room as everybody else. Even whenever he had been public enemy number one, he had still shared that space with his peers.
Roman had grown so paranoid and egotistical that he hadn't stepped foot in the locker rooms in over two years. Every member of The Bloodline was supposed to keep to that dressing room, but Y/n had always been different. She liked mingling around backstage, claiming to keep an eye on things. Randy knew different though. Randy knew the truth.
"Looking for someone?" Y/n asked as she sat down across from Randy. Catering was generally a fairly safe area for the two of them to sit and talk for a little while.
"I thought it was too dangerous for us to be seen together?" Randy questioned, throwing Y/n's own words back at her. Things had been different whenever she had told him that. Roman was reeling from WarGames and Jey's betrayal, something that Y/n knew he would never get over. She loved her little brother more than anything, but Roman was much more sensitive than he let on.
"Well, I'm just taking a seat. It's been a very long day of travel and appearances. Besides, Roman isn't very focused on me right now," Y/n said. She sounded bitter, and Randy wondered what kind of falling out they had on the way over. He hated that Y/n showed him the most affectioned whenever she was mad at Roman, as if she just wanted to get back at him.
"You're his sister, there is always someone watching your back and waiting to kick my ass for staring," Randy joked. Y/n sighed as she rested her chin against the palm of her hand. "Do you have a match tonight?"
"No, but I'm really looking forward to your promo, Randy. I miss getting to hear you talk, it's been too long," Y/n said. Randy tried to conceal his emotions and the thoughts running through his brain. If anyone found out about them, especially a member of The Bloodline, he'd be beaten to a bloody pulp. He hated the fact that they'd have to wait until his retirement match to officially come out as a couple.
"I should go get ready for that," Randy said. Y/n surprised Randy by leaning forward and pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Hey! I don't want to get killed by a bunch of angry Samoans."
"They'll be mad if they ever find out, but that doesn't matter. I didn't know you cared about what other people think so much," Y/n teased. Randy knew that she was baiting him, but that didn't mean he was above falling for it.
"I would really hope that you wouldn't want to see me get beat up by your brother and cousins. But I don't care what anybody else thinks, for the record," Randy scoffed. Y/n smiled at him and stood up to press a kiss to his cheek. "You're going to get me killed one day."
"Jimmy might be more scared of me than Roman, Paul can't hurt anyone, and Solo respects me enough to listen to me. If I give the word, they'll leave you alone. You aren't after Roman's title, this is your farewell tour Randy. I think you deserve a little arm candy, even if it is only backstage," Y/n said. Randy puffed his chest up a bit and linked his arms with hers. Y/n was certain that Roman would have some words with Randy next time they ran into each other, but it was nice to see him being so confident about their relationship.
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Alenoah Fic Recs
(Oneshots and Longer Fics)
1
Name: 5 times Noah talked to the Drama Machine + 1 Time it Talked Back
By: alejandrospineapple
Wordcount: 4k
Status: Complete
Description: Noah's tasked to get the Drama Machine out of storage, they become friends and when Noah finds out who's inside the robot the hard way, he finally can have a proper conversation with it.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49995973
2
Name: Collateral
By: astrokyle
Wordcount: 24k
Status: On-going
Description: Noah ends up handcuffed to Alejandro. It’s stellar. A missing reward challenge from World Tour.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49382899/chapters/124620064
3
Name: curl up like a pill-bug
By: honeyhoneypot
Wordcount: 13k
Status: On-going
Description: Noah gets rehired as Chris' assistant and reunites with Alejandro.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50295178/chapters/127055392
4
Name: Soulmates + Confession
By: themoleman
Wordcount: 3k
Status: On-going
Description: Noah hates his new, annoying roommate. He hates the girls he brings by. How stupidly arrogant he is. And how his soulmate mark is identical to Noah’s.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50003536/chapters/126254653
5
Name: his guide in the dark (don't let him trip)
By: lonleybrachiobrute (triceratroops)
Wordcount: 4k
Status: Complete
Description: alenoah in the early morning on World Tour (ft. noah being a tired koala, alejandro guiding noah, and them being a couple despite not being a couple at all)
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39171609
6
Name: Keep your enemies close
By: AyaWilliams
Wordcount: 73k
Status: Complete
Description: During the ripper challenge Noah remembers something that prevents him from badmouthing Alejandro. This means different things for different people. For Noah it means an opportunity to get further in the game For Alejandro it means a new alliance partner. For Heather it means a second rival. For Gwen it means stopping a huge mistake. And for the audience it means tons of drama.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32908795/chapters/81670897
7
Name: Odd Occasions
By: courtney-deserved-better
Wordcount: 600
Status: Complete
Description: Alejandro finds out that Noah is a sleep cuddler.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32934208
8
Name: So Sick of You
By: Brick_bronze165
Wordcount: 41k
Status: Complete
Description: Noah's determined to make it further than last time, the first season was a fluke. He has everything in place until bad luck strikes and he falls ill with a cold. What could possibly go wrong? Especially when Alejandro decides to make it his mission to take care of him. This won't be the thing to take him out of the running, not if he can help it.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49583008/chapters/125141965
9
Name: World Tour if the Writers Weren't COWARDS and Let it be Gay
By: Anonymous
Wordcount: 24k
Status: On-going
Description: Pretty self explanatory.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50068276/chapters/126430036
10
Name: With a Little Help from My Friends
By: Cinna (Cinnamas)
Wordcount: 51k
Status: On-going
Description: TDWT retelling from after the 'Eye see London'. In an unexpected twist of fate, Noah is the one who stumbles upon Duncan and Gwen's secret rendezvous in the confessional. He decides to tell Courtney, feeling that she deserves to know the truth about her boyfriend and best friend. Of course he couldn't predict how doing so would dramatically, shift the course of the show and lead to unexpected alliances, rivalries, and romance?
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49478542/chapters/124873768
Name: The Sweet to my Bitter, the Sugar to my Coffee
By: Thicc_eyebrows
Wordcount: 31k
Status: Complete
Description: Noah's a bitter person and he only gets more bitter when Owen suggests that the duo host a Total Drama reunion. He's less than thrilled about the idea but decides to play along for the sake of his friend. Noah dreads seeing someone again at the reunion and with his dumb luck, ends up alone with a certain slimy eel and his sugary words due to his friends' schemes.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32932396/chapters/81732652
11
Name: The Smell of His Hair and the Taste of His Lips
By: CatLikeAle
Wordcount: 5k
Status: Complete
Description: they get angry and then make out
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50321107/chapters/127124695
12
Name: An Insulting Indifference
By: drowzeee
Wordcount: 151k
Status: On-going
Description: After three years of radio silence following the end of Total Drama World Tour, Noah reaches out to Alejandro Burromuerto.
Some say he should resent the guy, while others insist there was something between them that could have been genuine friendship.
Noah doesn't have a strong opinion either way.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48732487/chapters/122930905
#td alenoah#alejandro x noah#gay#alenoah#alenoah fic rec#alejandro total drama#noah total drama#noah x alejandro#alenoah fic recs#i could make a part 2 if ya'll want more#alenoah ao3
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Evanescence - Yeah Right 🤘
from the Latin America Tour Diaries 2023 (x)
(i wish this was a music video)
#evanescence#amy lee#the bitter truth tour#rionka edit#neverlostmycrown#latin america tour diaries#yeah right#twist the knife hard#i dont need you anymore#tour diaries#i wish this was a music video
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Ghosting
The ministry was a sad place, but a truth was a truth no matter how harsh.
You love your job.
You love the people you work with.
There’s a man there who you fancied,
And you were almost positive he felt the same.
From the way he’d dance with you, to the way his lips would softly touch yours.
Copia was gentle in all that he is.
He knows what to say, and how to say it. He can be honest without making it hurt.
Just a couple months ago he had made sweet promises to you, his words laced in what you thought was honesty.
“You mean a lot to me, it’s true” he gently held your hands. The two of you in the garden of the ministry.
You let out a quiet sigh and a warm smile, enjoying the moment.
It wasn’t often the two of you had time alone, Copia was a busy man.
So it shows that you really do mean a lot to him when he directly disobeys his mother for you.
He’d squeeze in time to any of his schedules if it were for you.
It was minutes before you spoke,
“Yeah?” You smiled, raising your hand to cup his cheek, rubbing your thumb along the lines of his makeup.
“Of course” he leaned into your touch.
Moments like that made you enjoy your job at the ministry.
.
There were other factors you enjoyed to, for example, Copias ghouls.
They were enjoyable to be around,
They noticed how Copia took a liking to you so in return they welcomed you to their group with open arms.
You felt safe with them, they were your closest friends.
.
There was only one flaw with the ministry
They didn’t care about simple things like relationships.
The head sister of the church was as sour and bitter as they come.
Not an ounce of sympathy could be found in her words.
Sister imperator.
He lacked respect for life, she took it every chance she would get.
Sister imperator had given direct orders to get her sons killed.
A mother lost her daughters and a son lost his brothers.
Copia was kept around longer than any of the other Emeritus brothers,
Because of this you were afraid of your feeling for him, you loved him, and with this love came a hope that he would never leave.
.
The ghost project was a band that the ministry had made to spread the word of Satan. And as well to financially fund and support the ministry.
Occasionally Copia would take himself and his ghouls on tours in different areas of the globe.
After months of waiting Copia and the ghouls were set to come back today.
You made preparations for dinner for them, setting the table before rushing outside to greet the tour bus.
.
The ghouls waddled out the bus, one by one as you counted them.
Something gloomy about their aura.
Dewdrop spotted you in the yards of the ministry and jogged towards you.
You welcomed him and gave him a hug as the rest of the ghouls caught up.
Now surrounded by ghouls you welcomed them all back,
You were getting antsy waiting for Copia, the ghouls and ghoulettes were too tall for you to attempt to look over their shoulders to the tour bus behind them.
So instead you simply asked.
“And I assume Papa is doing fine?” You questioned, one of your sweet smiles on your face.
The ghouls immediately paused and looked at eachother,
Some whispered in a ghoul language you couldn’t make out, other looked to the ground.
There was a first to speak up.
“The tour was a success of sorts” it was Swiss. You appreciated his answer but it still deflected the question.
“So he’s fine? .” You questioned again, more firm this time as you knitted your brows.
The ghouls were trying to find words, words that wouldn’t hurt as much.
Mountain took your hands in his, the other ghouls just as anxious as you waiting for him to speak up.
“He’s dead” he spoke.
The earth must’ve stopped, you felt dizzy with an unsettling turn in your stomach.
If mountain wasn’t holding your hands your sure you would’ve toppled over by now.
You let out a disbelieving laugh,
“Don’t fuck with me” you tried to make your voice sound serious but it was wobbly and raw.
You honestly wished another ghoul would’ve told you.
You trust mountain to much, you know he’d never lie.
Maybe if Dewdrop had told you, would would’ve gotten a longer feel of disbelief to save you from the bitter truth.
“Under sister imperators orders” rain spoke, he felt shame that you had to find out this way.
“You knew it was gonna end like this, it had to happen, it does every time” a newer ghoulette Aurora said.
Mountains grip on your hands only lasted so long, you crumpled to the ground.
Weak knees hitting the grass below you.
Your mind wanted to not trust them, to say they were lying.
Unfortunately for you, you trusted these ghouls with your life and you knew they wouldn’t lie to you , not about this.
The ghouls winced as you let out a blood curdling scream.
It was a long drawn out scream that only stopped for a second, only a second for you to take an inhale of air before continuing to cry.
No words could be put into your mouth to describe how this felt.
Like the walls were falling down: they were.
The world was ending, it was.
Internal panic set off, what would you do without him?
The part that hurt you the most was: you could scream and cry and scratch and shout and claw but there was absolutely nothing you could do to bring him back.
Your vision blurred and your ears rung. You were alone inside yourself, nothing else mattered.
You didn’t hear the worried voices of the ghouls trying to calm you down and making no effort.
You didn’t notice how your body gave out below you, or how the tears started to burn you cheeks.
Your world was ending,
Because how do you continue without the one you love most?
.
.
.
Edit: I was high writing this. So it doesn’t make sense in a lot a parts, I’m not gonna fix it because it’s sorta kinda funny.
I apologize if there’s no plot and your completely lost, the 🍃 got to me.
#the band ghost fanart#the band ghost#the band ghost fanfiction#the band ghost fic#cardinal copia#cardinal copia x reader#cardinal copia x female reader#nameless ghouls#nameless ghoul art#nameless ghouls x reader#dewdrop ghoul#dewdrop ghoul x reader#papa iv x reader#papa emeritus iv x reader#rain ghoul#rain ghoul x reader#swiss ghoul#swiss ghost#swiss ghoul x reader#ghost band#ghost bc#phantom ghoul#aurora ghoulette#cirrus ghoulette#cumulus ghoulette#sunshine ghoulette#the band ghost x reader#ghost band x reader#x reader#fanfiction
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Hob and Dream were childhood sweethearts. Dream was a prince and hob was just a lower noble but he lived by Dream’s summer palace, so the two of them spent their summers playing games and making up stories.
Dream loved that hob would read to Dream and of course hob thought Dream was the most beautiful, wonderful thing he’d ever seen.
As they grow up they fall in love. And they promise each other that they’ll be together. They make this promise on the eve of dream being sent off on a diplomatic tour of the neighboring kingdoms.
Only while dream is gone, (the burgess family stalled him) the Morningstar attacks his kingdom, burning the cities down and taking the palace.
Dream is filled with rage. But he knows he can’t go back.
Not yet. It isn’t safe.
He’s so worried for hob, but when he sent out of his spies to check on him, the spy only reported that Hob’s family home has been burned. They say the young lord of family gadling refused to bow to their new rulers, even raised a sword to Lucifer themself. No one has seen him since. How spies urge him not to look for hob. If he isn’t dead, he will wish he was, as a prisoner of the morningstar, renowned for their cruelty and mind games. And there is no way for dream to get to him.
So Dream mourns and turns his grief into revenge.
He works on building a network of spies and that’s how he becomes aware of a small rebellion being led in his name. It cropped up suddenly in a matter of weeks, they say lead by a former prisoner of Lucifer’s. They say Lucifer gave him their special and personal attention for years. They say most wouldn’t survive that kind of cruelty. They say Lucifer is furious about the escape.
Not daring to hope, Dream reaches out and after months of subterfuge, finally sets up a meeting between them in the edge of the kingdom, out of Lucifer’s sight.
“It’s been a long time,” the man, hooded and masked, says softly. “Many thought you abandoned us.”
And Dream knows that voice. He’d know it anywhere.
“Hob,” he breathes. “Is that you?”
Ohh, masked vigilante rebel Hob!!!
Dream begs Hob to tell him what happened to him while he was imprisoned by Lucifer, but Hob keeps changing the subject and trying to talk about plans to get Dream back on the throne. He won't talk to Dream properly, not like they used to talk. He seems so hurt and bitter, which Dream can understand! He just wants to be able to help Hob heal. If he doesn't have Hob, there'll be no point in getting the kingdom back at all.
Hob finally comes clean and admits that Lucifer used to use Dream’s image to torture him. With some kind of drug they would make sure that Hob would hallucinate Dream’s presence, and then torture Hob physically. So despite himself he began to believe that Dream truly condoned his imprisonment and torture. Only Hob’s determination to get out and find out the truth led him to survive.
Dream is, of course, horrified. He promises to respect Hob’s space going forward. He'll give Hob room to heal and maybe when he feels ready, they can be friends again? Hob bursts into floods of tears at this point (so much for his reputation as an uncrushable rebel). He doesn't want Dream to leave him! He was so scared and he just wants everything to be okay like it used to be.
Dream promises there and then that he'll win back his realm and marry Hob. They'll defeat Lucifer together and build a kingdom that is so strong, no one will be able to hurt Hob ever again. Dream is going to protect him. He'll fight to the death to give his beloved the peaceful life he deserves.
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Take Me First PT. 2 (Never Know)
"Lying Is Hard But The Truth Comes Out Anyway" The Grey
A regretful mistake, a car accident, and a baby. God didn't listen to Noah when he begged him to take him first the night of the accident. God had other plans it seemed; plans that brought Noah down to his knees cursing, crying, and praying. In time he began to believe he was nothing but a lost soul trying to find his happiness in the ugly world he lived in, until... she found him and began to return the lost parts of him, piece by piece, he'd thought he'd lost forever.
**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the long awaited 2nd part to a story that was never meant to have a second part. But I'm very thankful to friends who encouraged me and highly suggested that I write one. I love how I came to tie this cherished story that began with three words from a song into my main two stories. It took some brainstorming, but in the end I don't think it will disappoint. To the ones I've tagged and were expecting the second part, I hope it's what you hoped it would me. Let me know!
TAGS: @lma1986, @myownthoughts12, @xslavicprincess, @foliosgirl, @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon, @jilliemiw86, @sthnog, @lookwhatitcost
Never Know
“Show me you're better off without me/ Choking on every word you said, we'll see, we'll see / Don't breathe another word about me I'll leave and you can finally rest in peace, we'll see”
The Letter She Never Meant To Send
Noah,
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. You have to understand that it's better for both of us this way, if I just vanish from your life and wipe your slate, your consciousness completely clean. Once you're finished with this letter I guarantee you will hate me and loath just the thought of me. My name will become a bitter poison on your tongue and the tongues of those who will no longer be my family because of their loyalty to you. You'll never want to breathe my name let alone any other words about me to anyone. I'm warning you now, Noah, what I'm about to tell you is going to ruin you. It's going to break your heart so badly you're probably going to wish you were dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it's the only way. You have to know the truth about what happened during those three days in Montana on that last tour we were on together; you deserve to know, because it was the moment that everything changed for us. You're better off without me and in time you'll see. In time you'll be able to rest in peace.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noah:
“I didn't want to finish the letter. Knowing she was already gone was enough, and reading it, having it spelled out in front of me would’ve only made things worse. But I chose to finish it anyway but regretted the instant I did. I swear I could feel myself slowly slipping away as her words started to bring out the worst in her that I never knew existed."
I rested my forehead against the back of her shoulder.
“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you were feeling. Being abandoned is hard, but the lonely place it takes you too is worse.” “You would know, wouldn't you,” I said while playing with her fingers. She leaned back against my chest while sitting between my legs. Turning her head at just the right angle she glided the tip of her nose softly along my jawline that filled with a deep yearning to be inside her again. “Not the same way you do.” I shivered when her lips left a trail of soft kisses on my skin. “Read me more, please. I want to know everything,” she urged. I sighed, and even though I really didn't want to, I knew sharing this part of my life was important for us. So, I continued.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Lying in between the memories choking me, and I don't know which way to go, but I'm okay to never know”
The night you told me the truth about cheating on me, it broke me, but not in the way you might think. I was angry, full of guilt, relief, sorrow, and regret that created a huge mess of emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Running was my only option. I had to escape the pain of knowing how horribly I'd hurt you and you didn't even know it. Noah, you were brave enough to be honest with me about what you did. You admitted your guilt and how ashamed it made you feel. You truly believed you'd hurt me and watching the way it tore your mind and heart apart left me in agony. I wanted to tell you the truth then, but I just couldn't bring myself to, so I took the coward's way out and ran away.
I called Jolly and cried to him. He didn't understand anything I was saying let alone an idea of what I was talking about, but he did his best to console me anyway. The guilt I felt, knowing what I’d done to his best friend just made everything numb and blur together and with the way I was driving I didn’t see the headlights of the other vehicle in my lane. Jolly was still on the phone when I screamed right as the collision happened. That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in the hospital. So, what is the truth that was too hard for me to tell you even though I was given the chance to say many times? Noah, I hope you're sitting down, because what I'm about to say is going to be the death of whatever peace your mind had about me.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noah:
“Noah?” Her soft voice calling to me made me lower my head and when her hand collided with my cheek, her touch brought me back to reality. The past wasn't real, but she was, and so was the feeling of her naked body against mine. Turning herself around so that her legs were on either side of me and her arms were resting on my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue inside my mouth little by little. She was making me so hard and I knew she could feel me between her legs, pressed tightly against that sweet soft spot of hers I loved so much. I couldn’t control the constant twitching that was happening each time she purposely pushed herself into me either.
"She knew exactly what she was doing to you and that’s what hurt you the most. I'm sorry she hurt you,” her voice whispered in my ear before she took a little bit of it in her mouth. “Ughh, fuck baby,” I moaned, squeezing her hips tighter and tugging her closer to me. “That’s what happens,” she said, brushing her breast up against me, her perky nipples grazing across my skin, making it scream. “You let people in and they destroy you. But I won’t.” She sat back and looked at me, the look in her eyes nearly making me cum. She had me wound up so tight that I swallowed hard when she pushed herself into me again and her warm, shaky breath washed over my face. “You deserve so much more than you believe you do, Noah.” Slipping her hands beneath the waistband of my box-briefs, I lifted my bottom up and she slid them down my legs, tossing them aside, retaking her spot over me. “I’ll give you the world, if you want it,” she admitted, laying her mouth on mine and taking my lips to hers as if she owned them; she did. “The moon, the fucking stars. Anything you ask, it’s yours. I’m yours. You can have all of me,” she confessed through a shaky, tear filled voice.
I pulled her way to look at her and my heart felt like it had busted through my chest. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the prettiest smile on her lips. I sat up and kissed her tears away tasting their saltiness. “I want all of it,” I admitted, brushing some hair out of her face. “I want all of you, but not just what you let the world see. I want all the broken, busted up parts too; the parts that make you, you. I meant it when I said I would fight the battle for you. I would, I still will. If I have you, then you have all of me too.” She started to cry and I pulled her into me as she laid her head on my shoulder. I fucking loved this girl in my arms more than I ever thought possible. More than the girl in the letter, and that scared me.
After a few moments of silence had passed and I was about to continue reading, the warmth from her hand found my hard cock. Slowly she ran her hand down my shaft, then back up, the grip she had applying the perfect pressure needed to stimulate what I was dying for on the inside. I laid my head back against the couch, zoning into nothing but the feeling of what her hand was doing. The faster she went the harder her grip became and reminded me of what being inside her felt like; heaven. I found her entrance between her wet folds and quietly slipped a finger inside her warm sex enjoying the way she melted into my touch and sucked in a quick breath, followed by a beautifully moan that filled the room. I felt her wetness coat my fingers, making me feel like I had all the power over her I wanted. The truth was though, she was the one with all the power. “I need to be inside you, now.” I ordered. She didn't hesitate to obey but instead shifted enough so that her pussy was aligned perfectly with my hard length.
“Noah, look at me,” she commanded and I listened. Her eyes were vibrant and full of something indescribable, something that I could never put into words; but I felt it and I knew she did too. “I fucking love you.” It slipped out before I could stop myself and I was scared I crossed a line. But her smile took that feeling away. It was genuine, and made me feel the exact way, if not more, I felt when I first saw her. “I love you too; all of you.” She pushed into me and took all of me into her and I watched her expression change as soon as I filled her. Her tight, wet walls closed in on my throbbing cock now buried deep inside her, searching for that special spot that was going to pull all the pretty cries and moans from her that I loved to hear. I gripped her hips, sighing once she began to move slowly, with her hands placed firmly on my chest. But I wanted more and I knew she did too. “I want you to grind on me, baby, ride me till you're satisfied. Ride me till you cum.”
That seemed to be all she needed. Soon I had her crying and moaning so loudly that she dug her nails deep into my skin, squeezed me tighter with her thighs, and let my name fall from her lips like a sacred prayer. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She pulled my hands to her small breasts, indicating to me she wanted stimulation and I all too willing obliged her. I took each nipple between my finger and thumb, squeezing them until she cried. Once hard and perky, I dragged my tongue lazily over the soft, delicate skin, circling and lapping every part until taking it in my mouth. Her moans pulled my organism closer and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. Luckily, I didn't have too. Her hands found the back of my head, holding me in place while she fucked me slow and gently and I got her off by sucking my favorite parts of her. “Noah, baby,” she didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. I looked up, grinning at the face I saw. With eyes closed, she was in perfect ecstasy. “Are you gonna cum for me, Princess.” She didn't say anything, just moaned and nodded. “Cum for me then baby, let it go and give us both what we want.”
Her lips crashed into mine and our tongues danced as she came undone all over me and I quickly followed. It wasn't loud, it wasn't messy; it was just us, falling apart for one another together quietly. It was love making in its purest form and in that moment with her I realized the difference between straight fucking with foreplay and making love and how they were very different. We weren’t each other's first. She had a fucked up ex and I had many experiences that left me feeling used. But what she and I had just shared had so many emotions involved, ones that I didn't even know I could feel anymore. She pulled them out of me somehow and allowed me to willingly feel what I had buried away. They were tangled together, knotted and rooted in the dirt of my past. But, thanks to the beautiful human in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt the difference and wasn't afraid to feel them. She made me feel so fucking alive and I loved it.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Speaking in languages we can’t read, no need for you to spell it out for me/ Swallowed up and I’ spit you out, like a drug that just wouldn’t stay down"
Montana was beautiful, Noah, and the idea of visiting it with you was a dream come true. I'll never forget when you came home and told me that it was on the list of states the band was playing. Your excitement was contagious and the way your eyes sparkled and lit up your entire face will forever haunt me. It was one of the last times we were truly happy together. Those three days haunt me, Noah. They hold the worst, but also the best memories. So here it goes… the whole truth.
The first show day went smoothly; you remember I'm sure. We all went out and had a small celebration in that little country bar where Folio rode the mechanical bull until he bled… like seriously bled. I thought I was going to pass out seeing all the blood from his arm. The day of the second show, however, was utter chaos and hell. Everyone woke up late, the venue wasn't unlocked when we got there, and some of the equipment malfunctioned. You were miserable and because you were miserable, so was everyone else. I tried to help, but now know how worse I actually made it for you. And the moment you yelled at me in front of not just the crew but the guys too, I knew things were going to be different between us. It wasn't that you yelled at me, Noah, it was what you said that was the slap to my face. You accused me of being selfish and too self conceited to understand what you were going through, and you know what? You were right. I was, I am those things. And to prove I was, I decided to get back at you in my own way; the way I regret now more than anything.
After storming out of the venue and turning my phone off, I found a bar away from the venue, away from every memory of you. I wanted you out of my head, but mostly out of my heart because I was hurting. So, the first guy who sat down next to me and bought me a few rounds was it. He was the one I chose to make my biggest mistake with. He took me back to his hotel room, which ironically was in the same hotel as ours, you were just one floor above me. I was too drunk to worry about anything, not even caring if the receptionist recognized me.
Noah, I will save you the details of what I did with that man in that hotel room that night. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be, and in the end he left me hurting way more than when I started out. Not just emotionally, but physically too. Thankfully there were no marks on my body, yet, but the bruises would show the following day. I lied and said you did them to me and the look on your face was devastating. I felt like a piece of shit. Maybe I was. No, I know I was. I should burn in hell for what I did to you; what I said to you. You didn't deserve it. But the worst was yet to come when the events of the night you fucked some girl who wasn't me happened and you found out I was pregnant. Nicholas said at first you were too shocked, but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, Matt said it was all you could talk about; how you were going to be a dad and how you had so much faith that the baby would be the thing to tie us back together after your actions ruined us. It wasn't you who ruined us, Noah, it was me, but I couldn't tell you that. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. So, I kept my silence and avoided you as much as I could, using your cheating as the excuse. And I lied to you every day up until… well you know when.
Losing the baby was never, ever the intention, that, I promise, you can believe. I never wanted any harm to come to my baby. But when I woke up last month at seventeen weeks pregnant in a pool of blood, I knew it was over. The lies could stop, the truth could come out and everything would be okay. Except it wasn't, was it? Losing the baby was too hard for you. It made you do things you regret doing and I regret watching, knowing I had the power to stop it all. I know the feeling of loss is still very raw in your heart. You're wounded and reading this letter, knowing I'm long gone, soon to be nothing but a distant memory you'd do anything to forget, is going to throw salt on that wound, but I think it's time for me to help you put your demons to rest.
Noah, the baby…. the baby was never yours to begin with. I mean, honestly, think back to the first time we had sex after that fight. Think…. and you'll remember. If you don't let me help. You wore a condom, Noah and you filled it, but I lied to you and told you it broke because I was scared. The night I spitefully killed us in every way possible was the night I conceived another man's child.
So, you see, none of it was your fault after all. It was mine all along. Did I feel guilt? Yes. Remorse? No. Not until now. Now that I’m walking away from you, I feel every bit of remorse possible, but it’s too late now, isn’t it. The you I knew and loved is gone and so is the girl you knew. And that’s the difference between us, Noah. You felt remorse and it made you so vulnerable.
I hope the next girl you fall in love with is good to you. I hope she is never afraid of your darkness or the demons who dance in your eyes sometimes. I remember the time when you thought no one could ever love you if you revealed what lurks inside you. You’ve always been different, Noah, you know that and how could anyone understand that? But I hope she understands and is never afraid to follow you into your darkness so that she can learn to love the beast that’s inside. I tried to, but in the end I realized that sometimes, true love comes in the form of a loving demon, or a protective monster, or even a dark angel who sits and waits patiently for you to arrive. You are all those things Noah; and I hated you for it. I’m sorry I hated you, because now I know that you were the only one to ever, truly love me.
With All My Love, Always
Sarah
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noah:
I woke up, flat on my back, head off the pillow, but the blanket over top of me. As my vision cleared, Sophie was nowhere to be seen. My heart started pounding, thinking maybe she regretted last night; the things we did, the things I said. Was it all too much and she felt pressured or overwhelmed? I started to panic, running my hands over my face, trying to convince myself everything was okay, but it didn't help. I sat up, looking around for my shirt only to remember that I'd used it on Sophie, making me remember the corner I threw it in; it was still there.
I needed to find Sophie and make sure everything was good between us, especially now that she knew the truth about me and Sarah. I needed to know if she was still willing to commit herself to me, to us, with this kind of baggage attached, but first I needed a shower. My stomach suddenly hurt, the anxiety nipping away on the inside and it felt like there was a giant hole in me. I needed to fill that hole. I need my girl.
#noah sebastian#noah sebastian fanfic#noah sebastian fanfiction#bad omens fanfiction#bad omens band#bad omens#bad omens cult#matt dierkes#jolly karlsson#nicholas ruffilo#nick folio
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Darkness at the heart of my love
Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader
Warnings: none
Notes: again, don't know where this is going, many ideas, never an ending hihi. Also, listen to this song, it was my muse for this thing/chapter whatever you wanna call it lol.
You traced the faded design on your chipped nail polish, lost in memories of a summer filled with his laughter and stolen kisses. It seemed like ages ago, those sunny days when his voice was always there, comforting and familiar. Now, as you waited for him to answer the phone, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all that had shifted.
"Hey, babe" Noah's voice finally rasped through the phone, heavy with sleep. It was the first time you'd heard from him in days.
"Hey" you forced a smile. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."
He chuckled, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Sorry, busy week. Soundchecks, interviews, you know...”
You bit your lip, pushing down the familiar pang of loneliness. "Yeah, I figured," you mumbled. You weren't sure if you were more hurt by the missed calls or the casual dismissal of your absence, like he hadn't missed you at all.
The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, you gathered your courage. "So, when do you think we can have a proper talk? It’s been a while since, you know, we’ve had an actual conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes.”
"Honestly, (Y/N), it's been crazy. I don't know when things will settle down."
The truth stung. You knew it wasn't just the tour schedule anymore. He wasn't making the effort, and your once vibrant connection felt like a fading radio signal, distorted and barely there.
"Okay," you said, your voice cracking slightly. "I understand."
You ended the call quickly as you didn't want him to hear you cry. The quiet in your small apartment felt overwhelming, tears welled in your eyes. It made it hard to see as you scrolled through X.
Among the bright lights and pictures of concerts, there he was. Noah, laughing with a bunch of fans, his arm around a pretty blonde girl, her smile big and happy.
A wave of nausea washed over you. You knew, logically, that he was a celebrity, bound to interact with fans. But the sight of him so close to another woman, the intimacy of his touch, ignited a jealousy you hadn't anticipated.
It wasn't just jealousy, though. It was a deeper feeling of insecurity that had been bothering you for weeks. It ate away at your confidence, leaving you feeling empty inside. You started to wonder if you were just a temporary fix in his glamorous world when he came back home.
Every time Noah didn't respond to your messages or calls, it felt like a punch in the gut. You felt completely alone, like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, desperately clinging to the hope that Noah would throw you a lifeline.
But he never did. Instead, he brushed aside your attempts to share your feelings, making empty promises and offering half-hearted apologies. It felt like he didn't really care about you anymore, as if you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his busy life.
When you called, he was always laughing with someone in the background, always busy, always talking. Other times, he was tired, his voice heavy with exhaustion, or sleepy, his words slurred as he struggled to stay awake. But his attention was never one hundred percent on you. It was as if he existed in a world that never slowed down, a whirlwind that left little room for anything else, for anyone else.
One evening, as you sat alone, feeling sad and listening to music, how poetic. The lyrics of "Darkness at the Heart of My Love," the song you and Noah shared, echoed around the room. Now, the lyrics felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a love that couldn't survive the distance.
A bitter smile twisted your lips. The summer had died, taking your love with it. You finally understood Noah's silence. It wasn't just about the tour schedule; it was about him choosing a different path, a path that didn't include you.
The anger that had been simmering beneath finally boiled over. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number, your fingers trembling slightly. He answered after the first ring, his voice laced with surprise.
"Is that it, Noah?" you began, your voice surprisingly steady despite the storm raging within you. "Is this how it ends? With unanswered calls and texts and photos with girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine?"
The silence on the other end was heavy and suffocating. Noah was surprised by your sudden outburst, his usually quick response delayed as he struggled with your words.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah spoke.”I… I don't know what to say, (Y/N). It's not like that."
He sighed. Did he just fucking sigh at your words? This making you even angrier than you already were.
"Then what is it like, Noah?" you asked, raging. "Why do I feel like I'm always waiting for you, but you don’t seem to need me?”
There was a pause, a long silence again. And then, Noah's voice said “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I've been so caught up in everything... I didn't mean to make you feel this way."
His words made you feel hopeful at first. But then doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he did mean it to make you feel this way. After all, he had been practically ignoring you for weeks, so why would things suddenly change now?
"Tell me, Noah," you continued, your voice shaking slightly as you recite the lyrics of your shared song. "Does your love have a darkness? Does it run cold, deep, like the lyrics you so readily quote all the time?"
Noah's answer came quickly, his words rushing out. "No, (Y/N), it's not like that. I love you, I really do. But... I've been struggling with everything."
You listened, feeling a tug on your heart with each word he said. But even as he opened up about his struggles, you couldn't shake the lingering question: why hadn't he reached out to you sooner? Why had he left you feeling lost and alone, without any explanation?
"Goodbye, Noah," you said, the weight of the word crushing you as much as it crushed him.
You didn't wait for a response. You didn't need one. You ended the call, the silence on the other end told you everything you needed to know.
—
But the silence wouldn't last forever. Occasionally, you'd be brought back to reality by the harsh ringtone cutting through silence. Your heart would skip a beat, hoping it was Noah finally reaching out, but it was never Noah.
Everything seemed to remind you of him, yet you never felt lonelier. You couldn't help but wonder why Noah never bothered to reach out, not even once. Did you really mean that little to him? Were you really that disposable?
In the days after, you kept busy with work or watching Netflix late into the night, trying to avoid thinking about Noah. But he was always there, like a ghost in your thoughts.
You tried to find comfort in your usual daily routine, but it couldn't fill the emptiness. The coffee tasted bitter, hanging out with friends felt empty, and the nights felt long and lonely.
You tried to move on, exploring new things and even going on a few dates. But every new situationship felt like a weak copy of what you had with Noah. He had made a big impression on your heart, and no matter how much time passed or how far you went, you couldn't forget it.
Despite the hurt, there was a small shimmer of hope. You wished, deep down, that someday he would return, willing to fight for you. Though you felt really silly and stupid for even dare to think this way.
But even as you struggled with everything, life kept marching on. You started to find joy again in unexpected places, glimpses of happiness.
And slowly, ever so slowly, the ache in your heart began to simmer down. It didn't disappear entirely – you doubted it ever would – but it became more bearable, a constant companion rather than an overwhelming force.
You threw yourself into your passions, rediscovering the things that brought you joy before Noah had come crashing into your life. Music became your refuge once more, the melodies and lyrics you hadn't realized you'd been missing.
—
One evening, a couple of months later, you had a small gig at a nearby bar. It was a simple chance to share your songs with a small crowd which you really appreciated.
The concert was fantastic, but you did feel kinda relieved when it ended. As you left the stage, still buzzing with adrenaline, you were met with cheers and applause from the small but enthusiastic crowd. Lottie and Taylor, your ever-supportive best friends, beaming with excitement.
“(Y/N), you were absolutely stunning out there!" Lottie exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Seriously, (Y/N), that was incredible," Taylor chimed in, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You absolutely smashed it!"
You smiled at your friends, feeling grateful for their constant support. Together, you moved through the crowd, settling into a cozy booth.
The air was filled with the scent of beer and the sound of people chatting and clinking glasses. Laughter and shared memories filled the air, recalling inside jokes and cherished memories.
They skillfully avoided mentioning Noah though, as they were fuming with him for how he had broken their best friend down to a shadow of herself.
You were thankful for them, as they had been there since the start, helping you through the heartbreak.
As the night went on and the drinks kept coming, you got lost in the fun with your friends, forgetting about time and how much you had to drink. But just when you were starting to relax and enjoy the moment, you felt someone looking at you.
You turned around and saw Noah, his expression hard to figure out but somehow familiar. And in that quick moment, it was just the two of you, silently looking at each other. Everything else around you disappearing.
To be continued.
#noah sebastian#nick folio#nicholas ruffilo#jolly karlsson#bad omens#angst#light angst#fluff#bad omens fan fic#bad omens fic#fan fic#fan fiction#fanfic#fandom
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A request for hailee x reader. Reader is Hailees' main backup dancer. There are edits of the two over the years, fans speculate that the two are together due to the tension between them in said edits and videos.
one step forward, three steps back [H.Steinfeld]
pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader
summary: when hailee tries to convince you to ride the publicity wave and appear in her new music video, you’re forced to accept the truth of your feelings for her.
warnings: the weirdest mix of angst and fluff you've ever seen; stubborn idiots arguing instead of being honest; quite possibly the most dialogue i've ever written for one fic; one mention of the JA stunt because i am still bitter about it
wordcount: 1.6k
a/n: rubix stop mentioning sunkissing in everything challenge. don't mind me, just trying to manifest hailee's music back to life...pun absolutely intended. [ever write a song so gay you have to go into hiding as soon as it comes out? i'm sure taylor swift knows the feeling all too well] anywho, i got a little carried away with this one and it shows. hope you enjoy <3
* * * * * * *
If someone had told you your entire life would be flipped on its head just from a few short video edits and a trending hashtag you would have called them mad. Unfortunately, Emily Dickinson had a point when she said,“Much madness is divinest sense.”
The ‘madness’ in this case was the sheer amount of people who had started spreading the before-mentioned videos around and the ‘sense’ being your incredibly obvious feelings for the person who was essentially your boss. It’s a bit of an oversimplification, and the biggest reason you have not to tell Hailee the truth, but the point still stands.
You still have no idea how things got blown so out of proportion since the speculation around you two has been swirling around since day one. Clearly, not having any new music projects to focus on has driven her fans into madness.
It would be fine…if you and Hailee were still on speaking terms.
Are you being dramatic? Maybe a little but your friendship or relationship or whatever the hell it was that you two had going on at some point isn’t what it used to be. The blame isn’t entirely on her but your own bitterness about the situation tends to cloud your judgment sometimes…okay, most of the time.
Right now is a perfect example of it.
You’ve been staring at your phone for what feels like hours, mentally debating if you should give in and reply to Hailee’s text. You really, really, don’t want to but what other choice do you have? It’s not like you can ignore her forever, you’ve already promised her you’ll join her on her next tour, whenever it finally happens.
You decide to suck it up and agree to meet her for coffee. The last thing you need is to be seen hanging out with her right now but you’re sure it’s all part of the plan. A plan that probably didn’t come from the singer herself, but rather from the group of people who act like they want the best for her but are really just trying to sell her image like it’s a product.
Because who cares about morals and dignity as long as you get streams on your music, right?
You shove your bitter thoughts out of your mind for now and focus on getting ready to see Hailee again.
The hours simultaneously feel like seconds and eternity and before you know it, you’re sitting at a semi-secluded table in a random coffee shop with your knee bouncing up and down like there are ants crawling up your pants. No amount of breathing exercises or grounding techniques can stop your heart from hammering in your chest from the mere thought of the brunette.
You’re not sure what she wants from you, you just have a bad feeling about it. Although maybe that’s your broken heart talking, you can’t be sure.
You notice her the second she walks in and you do an awful job at pretending you’re looking at something on your phone instead of her. You act like you can’t see the smile on her face from this distance just like she acts like she can’t see you. Both of you look ridiculous but neither of you mind.
She finally joins you after another eternity of waiting and despite all the questions that are swirling around in your brain, you force yourself to wait for her to go first.
“I need your help with something.”
After months of not talking to each other, that’s what she leads with. You would complain about her lack of greeting but you’re grateful she’s getting right to the point so you can wrap this up and go back to avoiding your feelings. “That’s a bold start.”
She rolls her eyes, more out of habit than anything else. “It’s been five seconds, are we going to fight already?”
“I guess that depends on what you want me to do,” you reply.
“I want you in the SunKissing music video. We finally got the green light for it and it’s the perfect way to take advantage of all the buzz around the two of us.”
You can’t help but wonder if she’s joking. The ‘buzz’ around you two is just people speculating and piecing together the history Hailee has spent so long ignoring and rewriting. History that’s filled with arguments. bitter kisses, unspoken confessions and stolen glances.
You force the memories out of your mind. Along with the weird ache you feel every time you focus on Hailee’s eyes.
“Me dancing in the background of your music video isn’t going to be a trending topic, Hailee.”
She shrugs. “It will be if we kiss.”
“You’re joking,” you say, unable to hide the way her words take you by surprise.
“I’m serious.”
“You’re choosing now to come out? You think this will make everyone forget about your little stunt with the QB?”
Your mention of the New York stunt hits her hard and if you’re being honest, that’s exactly why you brought it up. You’re not interested in turning your private life into Hailee’s next big scandal. Even if it means pissing her off until she changes her mind.
The way she clenches her jaw is all you need to know you’re not going to like her next words. “It’s not a coming out. It’s an acting project.”
“You’re never going to change are you?” You ask, not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed by her idea.
“Come on, y/n.” She leans forward and places her hand on top of yours. You half-expect a camera flash to accompany the action but you seem to be safe for now. “You know you’re the only person I trust with this.”
Her words would be cute if you hadn’t fallen for them already. Multiple times. It’s always been the same way with her. She gives you a few months of her attention, makes you believe your unspoken affections aren’t one-sided, just to rip it away from you the second you think you’ve made progress.
“You’re the last person in this room who should be talking about trust.”
“Oh my God!” She leans back, her hand slipping away from you and taking any hope of avoiding an argument with it. “When are you going to let that go?”
You’re not even sure what she thinks you’re upset about this time. The list is so long, she could be referencing anything and be completely right. And yet somehow, you’re the one who’s in the wrong for still being upset.
“When you apologize for being a piece of shit,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Which it is. To you, anyway.
The brunette across from you clearly doesn’t feel the same. “That’s unfair.”
“Leading someone on is unfair, Hailee.”
“You are so stubborn. How the hell did I ever sleep with you?”
You can’t tell if she’s joking or not but either way, you don’t want to hear another word from her.
“I’m leaving,” you say as you rise to your feet, ignoring your half-finished drink and the flash of regret that passes through those brown eyes you can’t help but love.
“Shit, shit, y/n, wait!”
“I already did wait or did you forget about that too?”
You don’t give her a chance to answer instead choosing to ignore her rushed apology and walking away like you should have done when this whole conversation started.
You make it about six feet away from the entrance when you hear Hailee’s voice calling after you. “Will you do it if I tell you it was my idea?”
It’s a desperate attempt for your attention and yet you fall for it all the same. Everything inside of you is telling you to leave but you can’t. Not when you’re this close to getting her to be honest with both herself and you.
“If it’s the truth,” you respond with your back still facing her.
“It is.” The scent of her perfume overwhelms you as her hands grip your waist. You fight back the urge to move away from her and allow her to turn you around to look at her. “I told my label it would be good publicity but honestly…I just really miss you.”
You can’t stop yourself from laughing. The sound comes out softer than you thought possible. “You couldn’t call like a normal person?”
“We’re not normal people, y/n,” she says, the ghost of a smile lingering on her lips. “You know that better than anyone. You know me better than anyone.”
“Do I?”
She takes a step closer to you and you hate the way your eyes instantly drop down to her lips. It’s an instinct that no amount of time away from her can rewrite. “Let me prove it to you. Please.”
“You’re not going to fix this with a few kisses, Hailee.”
There’s an unspoken promise in her eyes. One that says she’ll kiss you as many times as she has to until she proves you wrong. And you have no doubt that she will.
Her hands move up from your waist to cup your cheeks. Her movements are slow and careful almost as if she’s waiting for you to change your mind.
In a way, you do because whatever remaining doubt you had about your feelings for the brunette fades away in an instant. You push away all your hesitation and close the gap between your lips.
It’s the sweetest kiss you’ve ever shared. It’s full of almost inaudible sighs, gentle touches, and the overwhelming truth of your desires. Mainly, the desire to keep going.
“One chance,” you whisper as you pull away. “I’ll help you with the music video. I’ll let you in again. Don’t make me regret it.”
“Promise.”
You’re about to tell her not to make promises she can’t keep but she kisses you again before you get the chance to.
#hailee steinfeld x reader#hailee steinfeld x female reader#hailee steinfeld x you#hailee steinfeld x y/n#hailee steinfeld fic#hailee steinfeld fluff#hailee steinfeld imagine#hailee steinfeld fanfiction#hailee steinfeld#hawkeye#mcu#mcu fanfiction#marvel#wlw#wlw fic#writing
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