#thank you thank you thank you for always helping me feel better with my life
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Listening in and panicking
Mattheo, any Tom, Enzo, Theo, Blaise and Draco
Your boyfriend overhears you say something that makes him believe he’s not the one you planned to be with and panics, with each having their own dramatic reaction.
Thanks for the request! Usually it’s the reader that overhear something, so it was fun to focus on the guys overhearing something, misunderstanding it and panicking about it. I actually almost had this finished last weekend but Draco was being difficult and it took me another week to finish this! So I’m happy it’s here! Sending you all a lot of love and kisses. Happy readings!
Mattheo
That the quidditch game hadn’t gone well was a light way of putting it and Mattheo really needed you to brush through his hair so his muscles would instantly relax. For the past few hours Mattheo had been contemplating whether or not to crash your girls' night. He knew he could be demanding and didn’t want to be the asshole boyfriend who ruined this for you. He was especially afraid of your judgy friends who probably didn’t hold Mattheo in a high regard as a boyfriend. However, he was damn near losing it when he heard the Weasley’s fireworks. “They won a game. Not the cup.” He hissed, throwing away his cigarette and surrendering to the desire to be with you.
He could hear the giggling of girls when he approached Pansy’s dorm and took a deep breath as he raised his hand to give a gentle knock on the door.
Mattheo halts his movement as he hears your voice, he listens intently but is only able to make out some words. “What?! Someone like Cedric? How did you end up dating Mattheo Riddle of all people?” Pansy’s sharp voice sucks out all of Mattheo’s breath and he’s nailed to the floor as he listens to your voice. He can’t really hear all you’re saying because your voice is soft and further away than Pansy’s, but he does make out one thing. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Matt.”
Mattheo’s distrusting nature took this entirely the wrong way and he didn’t even bother to listen in further. After those words his feet take him far away from you. His heart aches as he now believes he’s not the guy you want to be with while you are all he wants for the rest of his life. He feels suffocated by the fear of losing you and rushes out of the castle.
It’s Fred that spots Mattheo’s appalled face first. “Still not over your epic loss.” He snickers, not aware that Mattheo is more than pleased to run into an excuse to punch. “Get off of my brother!” George screeches before taking a swing at Mattheo. Fuck, I forgot there are always two of them.
A soft knock at the door has all the girls narrow their eyes at the door. “Are we expecting anyone else?” Pansy looks disgusted at the thought of some loser girl wanting to join her elite girls’ night, but as she gets up to open the door it’s Theodore who pushes it open just wide enough to stick his head through it. “You better have a damn good excuse Nott.” Pansy crosses her arms with a death glare that would match your boyfriend’s. “Mattheo.” Theo simply states making your heart skip a beat not just at your boyfriend’s name but at the seriousness of Theo’s voice. “That guy is always in some kind of trouble and not an excuse to come in here.” Pansy snaps, far from interested in whatever mess Mattheo had gotten himself into, but you had already gotten up from your spot among the soft pillows. Pansy lets her head fall, not pleased that you were leaving, but you just give her an apologetic smile and pull your hoodie over your head.
Mattheo rolls his eyes when he sees you enter the hospital wing, but he also couldn’t help but return his gaze to you. In short pyjama shorts and an oversized hoodie that Mattheo didn’t recognize was his, you looked so innocent and for a moment he forgot that you broke his heart. You took a seat next to him on the hospital bed, while studying his injuries. “You’re an idiot.” You whisper, but Mattheo just snorts and lets his head fall back into the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah well, apologies that I’m no Cedric Diggory.” Mattheo says with a quiet but poisonous ring to it.
Your eyebrows knit together for a few seconds before it hits you. “Unbelievable.” You chuckle and Mattheo looks up at you with pained and confused eyes. How could you think this was funny when it was heartbreaking to him.
“You sure are no Cedric Diggory.” The soft laugh that follows your words puts Mattheo at ease. “You’re better than anything I had ever hoped for. So Matt, don’t ever jump to conclusions as ridiculous as the ones circling your head now. I love you and I don’t think I could ever love someone else.” Mattheo stares at you with a clenched jaw and glassy eyes. “I really hope so, because I don’t want to lose you.” His voice is raspy and you give him a soft smile, before leaning in. Your boyfriend is more than pleased to feel your touch, deepening the kiss as soon as your lips brush his.
Tom
You and Tom had been dating for a while and it was clear that you were his girlfriend and he was your boyfriend, but Tom was not one to put labels on relationships especially with all dark things surrounding him. He was losing his patience with Hogwarts and its professor questioning his ambitions. His always stoic and charming attitude had almost been broken by Dumbledore’s intrusive questions. It had upset him to such a level that he needed you around regardless of your plans.
Agitated and in need of your calming voice Tom is ready to burst in and ruin girls night when he overhears you and your friends banther. “What, him? He’s nothing like Tom?” Some girl squeals. “He’s the exact opposite.” Another laughs. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Tom Riddle.” His eyes go dark the instant he hears you say his name. His tongue moves as his mind rages with absolute fury for you. You of all people, you that he needed more than anyone. He wasn’t even your first choice. Suddenly all your friends in the room faint and you jump up, immediately checking for a pulse. It’s in that silent moment of relief when you realise that your friends are just asleep that you hear footsteps outside.
You swing the door open with your wand ready in hand, but when you spot your boyfriend you relax. “You can’t just hex people.” You sigh, you tense up a bit when Tom turns to face you with emotionless eyes. “I can, I'm a wizard.” You knew better than to mess with him when he was as cold as he was now. “What’s going on?” You calmly ask, walking towards him. “Explain to me what you meant with ‘someone like Tom Riddle’?” A featherlight huff of air escapes your lips as you meet his eyes, you can’t keep a smile from tugging at the corner of your mouth. “Someone who hexes four people to sleep because he’ll take any excuse to believe that he is unloved, rather than listen to the sentence as a whole. I fell in love with you Tom Riddle and I don’t intend to fall out of love with you.” Your boyfriend feels almost attacked by your words. You love me? “You mean love as in the big sense of the word?” Tom’s voice is hesitant, failing to sound demanding or charming. “Tom, the word love has no small sense of the word. It’s a word that’s always true and always full of emotion.”
“Should I wake up your friends?” Tom offers, feeling a bit embarrassed at how he overreacted. You chuckle and walk over to him and he’s happy to wrap his arms around you as you think over his offer. “Nah, I much rather spend the night with you.” His lips search yours for a tender kiss. I love you too.
Enzo
Your boyfriend was insulted when you picked Pansy over him. We could be having a bath together, but no girls’ night. I need a new girlfriend… Who am I kidding, I need just mine asap. Ignoring his friends warnings about how dangerous Pansy could be when someone interrupted her gossip nights, Enzo basically ran to Pansy’s dorm, like he needed you for urgent matters. Then again, in Enzo’s book intimate quality time with you was always an urgent matter. He needed you and he would have you now. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Enz.” Enzo’s happy puppy face falss the second he recognises it was you talking.
The next morning an unwashed, unshaven, not properly dressed Enzo is picking at his food when you jump in to give him a kiss on the cheek. He lets you, but he doesn’t react and you frown, looking over at his friends you see them raise their shoulders. Odd. You shuffle between him and Blaise and turn to face your boyfriend. “Talk to me Enz?” “Not hungry.” He states and without even giving you one look he gets up from the table and leaves. You are absolutely frozen in your seat at what had just happened. “What did you do?” Mattheo asks, unable to hide his curiosity and amusement. No one had ever seen Enzo like this so everyone at the table was dying to know what had happened, but you didn’t have a clue.
You take breakfast on the go and follow your boyfriend. Quickly stuffing your mouth as you head for his room. You enter and see him lying on his bed with his back turned towards you. “Enz, talk to me, what’s wrong?” You get no response except for a lazy shrug so you decide to move closer and sit by his side. As soon as you do so he turns around so again his back is facing towards you. At this point you were getting slightly annoyed with his behaviour. “Enz-” “Just break up with me already!” Enzo snaps and he jumps up heading for the door.
When you see him angrily swing open the door you snap. “Sit your ass down, Berkshire!” Enzo stops in his tracks and for a second no one moves, not you, not Enzo, not the people in the slytherin common room who were absolutely terrified of what was about to go down. Enzo closes the door and turns to face you. You immediately notice his tired eyes and you walk over to him. “Enz-” Your soft voice breaks your boyfriend’s stubborn attitude. “I’m nothing like the type of guy you wanted… you just accidentally ended up with me.” Your eyebrows knit together and Enzo explains himself further. “I overheard you and your friends talk last night, I wasn’t listening in or anything, I just missed you.” His voice sounds painfully broken and your grab his hands meet his eyes with a sincerity. “I didn’t accidentally end up with you. You charmed me. You spend days flirting your way into my life, my head and my bed… You made me fall in love with you and oh boy did I fall for you, Enzo Berkshire, you and all your charm. Did first year me think to ever end up with you? No. Do I ever want anyone else? No! You are the one, Enzo.” A small smirk tugs on his lips as he can’t hide his happiness anymore. “I’m the one?” Your boyfriend questions sheepishly and you nod, making him smile brightly. “I’m the one.” He repeats, eyebrows wiggling, pleased with that new piece of information.
Theo
Stealing you away from a girls night wouldn’t be easy, but Theodore had come prepared. He hated himself for being this needy and this cheesy, but he flicked away his cigarette anyways and picked up a small box filled with your favourite snacks. His friends and everyone else at Hogwarts were starting to see that the tough guy act that Theodore had been keeping up for years was cracking as his softer side was becoming more and more visible everyday all because of you, the love of his life. Walking towards Pansy’s dorm a small smile creeps up your boyfriend’s lips as he stares at the snacks in his hands. Salazar, I’m whipped for this girl and I don’t even mind. Your voice interrupts his thoughts and his eyes lift to the door in front of him. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Theo.” Pansy snickers “Yeah, he’s nothing like the guy you just described. So weird you fell for him.” You chuckle at Pansy’s words. “Silly, I know.” The word silly rings in Theodore’s mind as he speedwalks away.
“I so want to marry him.” You laugh and continue dreaming out loud. “He would be such a sweet and sexy husband… oh and omg he would be the greatest dad to our kids. I just know he’ll be so invested with their dreams and hobbies.” You roll on your back and stare up at the ceiling, when you sigh in a dreamy way Pansy smashes a pillow in your face. “Hello! Girls night, stop dreaming about your boyfriend… and instead tell us nasty sex stories or something.” Everyone burst out laughing and you spend the night not having a clue that in Theodore’s mind you two were done.
The next morning you are still unaware of your break up and instead fall in love even more when you find a box filled with your favourite snacks outside of Pansy’s dorm. “That’s just disgustingly adorable.” Pansy jokes as you walk in the direction of the great hall. “Husband material.” You sing and smile at Pansy. However, you stop in your tracks when you spot Theo lazily hanging over some girl's shoulder joking with her about something. He notices you and you want to smile, but he instantly looks away making you frown. You and Pansy walk over to him, but your heart already knows something is wrong. When you stand beside him Theodore reluctantly pulls his attention away from the pretty girl at the table to give you an agitated look. “Look (y/n), I heard you last night, I’m not the guy you planned on ending up with and I don’t mind, but let’s not waste any more time on this relationship and just go our own way.” You stand there absolutely perplexed and you’re absolutely horrified to hear some girls giggling at the scene in front of them. When you finally open your mouth Theo doesn’t even let you speak. “It’s been fun, but really I’m busy here.”
Never had anyone stomped on your heart and humiliated you like this. With teary eyes you turn around and rush out of the great hall, only to hear Ron hushed voice, “That was brutal.”, followed by loud smack, probably Hermoine.
Theodore didn’t even look as you walked away, but Pansy’s silent but demanding presence forces him to again look away from the girl he’s trying to play. When Theo looks up Pansy wastes no time. “You absolute baboon!” There’s a silence as she just looks at him like he’s vermin. “First of all you don’t eavesdrop.” She smacks him on his arm. “Secondly, you missed out on the part where she said she wants to marry you.” Smacks him again. “Contrary to her opinion, I think you would be a shit dad considering you are a god awful boyfriend.” Smacks him even harder. “Go apologise!” “But she said-” “Apologise!” Pansy’s shriek horrified everyone in the great hall, but Theodore just stood there confused. He had been so convinced you didn’t really want him, you had just fallen for him but it was never supposed to last and now Pansy’s telling him that you want the same as him, marriage and a life together.
Slowly and slightly terrified Theo opens the door to your room. He’s immediately met with the sound of your sobs and when he spots your figure curled up into a ball his heart breaks even harder than it had done yesterday. You turn around expecting to see Pansy, but you’re shocked to see an apologetic looking Theodore slowly walking towards you. “No!” You snap at him and get up. “Get out!” You yell and throw a pillow at his head. “Please listen, I made a mistake.” You grab the table lamp on your night stand. “Yes, you did by coming here!” He’s quick to grab your hand and keep you from smashing the lamp on his head. “Don’t. You love this lamp.” You girth your teeth, of course Theodore knows you love that lamp, he knows everything about you. You start sobbing again and Theo struggles to find words so he just gets to his knees. “It was a misunderstanding. I thought I was just a fling to you and it broke my heart… and I did a dumb thing.” Your eyes go wide. “A fling? You thought you were a fling?” You can’t believe your dumb ass boyfriend. Theodore takes your hand in his and kisses it softly. “Please forgive me.” He begs in a soft voice. You look at him sitting on his knees, holding your hand, looking lost. “Please.” He urges and you start laughing. “There are no words to describe you, Theodore Nott.” Theo gets up and smiles. “How about future husband? Does that describe me?” He pulls you closer and a cheeky smile forms on his lips. You loved him, but forced your smile into a line. “I’m still mad.” You state and your boyfriend’s confidence fades. “Obviously. Just let me make this up to you.” You better!
Blaise
“I dare you.” M attheo whispered near Blaise’s ear for the millionth time. “Still not playing.” Blaise sighs and Mattheo growls in annoyance. “Why?” Blaise looks up from his book. “I’m not ruining my girlfriend’s girl’s night because you want me to spy on your crush… I also don’t believe they would even let me stay.” Mattheo huffs. “I don’t have a crush, it’s research, and you should at least try to get in there.” Blaise shakes his head no. “I’ll do your homework.” Mattheo offers. “I’ll do it better.” Blaise sings, making Theo chuckle. “I’ll clean your side of the dorm.” Blaise looks up at Mattheo. “Have you cleaned a thing in your life?” Mattheo thinks about it and quickly realises that he needs to think of a different offer. “I’ll shut up for at least 24h hours if you try to get in.” “Oh, please Blaise, do me a favour and just go, so Matt will be silent.” Blaise sighs and gets up. “Fine, I’ll take one for the team.” Draco and Theo both cheer, making Mattheo frown.
As Blaise approaches Pansy’s dorm he hears several girls snicker and followed by lots of chatter that he can’t make out, until he’s right in front of the door. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Blaise.” Without a second though Blaise turns on his heels and walks back to his friends. Once there his friends all look up to see his horrified expectation. “You okay mate?” Mattheo asks worriedly and Theodore puts his book down to listen, but Blaise can’t form an answer. What does that mean? Why does she wonder about how she ended up with me?
Blaise just stares in front of him like he was solving some physics problem and not being very successful. Draco takes a piece of parchment from his study notes and forms it into a ball of paper before throwing it at Blaise who seems to wake up from his thoughts and again turn on his heels. “Odd.” Theodore says and Draco shrugs, but they all continue with their business.
Blaise is back at Pansy’s door and swings it open this time, making all your friends scream for a second. “What the hell, Zabini!” Pansy snaps. “Why do you wonder how you ended up falling in love with someone like me?” Blaise’s eyes focus on you. “What does that mean, someone like me? You mean my colour, my nerdiness, sporty side, or that I’m a bad boy type of guy? And more importantly, are we done? I mean, I would like to know if you’re breaking up with me.” Pansy crosses her arms and groans, dropping her head before snapping at Blaise. “Did she not just say that she fell in love with you! Seriously, if you eavesdrop, at least do it right!”
“I’m not breaking up with you!” Blaise sighs in relief and you get up from your seat. Blaise looks around and feels a bit embarrassed when he notices all your friends saw his moment of panic. “And what I meant with someone like you was someone as cool and composed as you… but I guess that facade just fell.” Blaise chuckles as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I guess I panicked for a moment, but that was only because I thought you were going to break up with me. Now I’m cool again.” You smile and lick your lips. “It was kinda sexy.” You whisper and his hands make their way to your hips as you kiss him.
“Ew! Get that dude out of my girl’s night!” Pansy expresses her annoyances making you both smile into the kiss.
Draco
“Girls like it when you interrupt their little parties and show them love in front of all their friends.” Enzo frowns at Draco’s statement. “Your girl might like it but Pansy will not.” Draco huffs and straightens his shoulders. “I’m not afraid of her.” This false play of bravery makes Enzo snort. “Even Matt is scared of Pansy and his father is the dark lord.” Enzo argues, but Draco just waves his arguments away and heads for Pansy’s dorm.
“The guy you describe is nothing like Draco!” Pansy squeals, shocked by the person you had just described. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how I ended up falling in love with someone like Malfoy.” You say rather serious. Draco considers whether to continue listening in, but his ego is too bruised. I’m not the kind of guy she wanted… Did she start dating me out of pity or something…
After a few seconds Enzo sees Draco return, clearly upset. “Told you, Pansy’s scaryyy.” Enzo sings as Draco just speedwalks past him and Theodore lounging in the common room. Both Slytherins shrug, but make no move to check on Draco.
The next morning you joyfully walk, almost skip, to your boyfriend who is rather depressingly resting his head in hand as he stares endlessly in front of him. “Bad night?” You ask in a gentle whisper and his eyes move to yours, but he doesn’t answer, only the corners of his mouth twitch in response. The heartbrokenness is obvious in his eyes and your joy fades away as you sit beside him. “Who is he?” You almost hurt yourself trying to figure out who Draco is asking about. “The guy you actually like?” You raise your eyebrows and his absurd question. “Oh that guy, total moron… YOU! You dummy! I like you, you know that.” You laugh at Draco’s silliness but he doesn’t even smile so after a few seconds your smile fades as well. “I heard you talk yesterday… about this other guy… that’s nothing like me.” There’s a long silence as it takes you a moment to figure out what your boyfriend is talking about. When you do, you immediately want to assure him, but interrupts you before you get the chance. “I just need to know if I still have a chance with you…” His eyes look lifeless as he confesses his fear of losing you and you.
You sit up straight and cup his cheeks. “Draco Malfoy, I love YOU. There is no other guy! You hear me?” Even though you’re holding his face in your hands he shakes no. “You said-” You sigh. “Draco, before I came to Hogwarts I had a crush on another guy who was nothing like you, but as soon as I met your dumb ass I thought that has to be the love of my life… weird but true.” Draco stares deep into your eyes in an attempt to check if you’re telling the truth. “So you’re not dumping for some tanned six pack bodybuilder type?” You laugh out loud and Enzo and Mattheo raise their eyebrows as they approach you. “Draco is an idiot.” You say smiling. “I could have told you that before you started dating.” Mattheo jokes sitting down opposite of Draco. “Looking for a new boyfriend?” Enzo quips, wiggling his eyebrows at you. “I’m single and ready to mingle.” Draco throws a pancake at Enzo who dodges it elegantly. “Don’t even think about it Enzo! I’m an idiot but not that big an idiot to let her go.” You smile at your boyfriend and he kisses you gently.
#slytherin#slytherin boys#theodore nott#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott x reader#enzo berkshire#enzo berkshire imagine#enzo berkshire x reader#blaise zabini#blaise zabini x reader#blaise zabini imagine#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire imagine#lorenzo berkshire x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle imagine#mattheo riddle x reader#tom riddle imagine#tom riddle x reader#tom riddle#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy imagine#draco malfoy#papercorgiworldwritings
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ok this is officially the last one, had to go out on a fluffy note for my pookie nika muhl........
anyways could i request 🍀 for the prompt 45. "oh, you look so pretty when you've just woken up!" this screams nika and i love it
- 🪐
evangeline's 2.5k celebration !! [open!]
i am a SHLUT for domestic bliss and nika, they go so well together
─ warnings | nothing but fluff, like seriously absolutely nothing
YOU FELT NIKA'S arms pull you closer into her chest as she let out a content hum.
the sunlight was seeping through the windows of your now, shared bedroom and cast a warm glow over the room. the soft rays highlighted the dust particles floating lazily in the air, adding a magical quality to the morning.
nika's breath was steady and calm against your hair, her heartbeat a soothing rhythm that lulled you into a sense of tranquility. you nestled closer, savoring the comfort and security of her embrace.
“did you sleep well?” she asked, her voice still husky with sleep.
“mhm, i did,” you replied, your fingers tracing lazy patterns on her arm. “especially with you here.”
nika chuckled softly, her laughter vibrating through your body. “good, cause i plan on keeping you right here all day,” she teased, tightening her arms around you slightly.
this was the first whole day where you two were moved in together, in the same place and she wanted to savor it with you. it was a milestone in the relationship, it was finally getting to the serious tier.
you sighed in contentment, feeling a wave of gratitude for the woman who held you so tenderly. “i wouldn’t have it any other way.”
nika kissed the top of your head, her lips lingering against your hair. “good,” she murmured. “cause you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”
the two of you lay there in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's presence. the outside world could wait; in this moment, all that mattered was the love you shared and the peace it brought you.
you turned over to face nika as her hands cupped your face, a small smile on her face. "god, how do you just wake up so effortlessly beautiful?"
you felt a rush of warmth to your cheeks as you let out a nervous giggle. you and nika had been dating for almost two years and her compliments still made you blush like a little girl, it was almost embarrassing if it wasn't endearing for nika.
“alright,” nika said eventually with a smile. “how about we make a deal? you let me pamper you today, and i promise to let you help with breakfast tomorrow.”
this was domestic bliss, you thought to yourself as you nodded. you were so content ─ life couldn't get much better than this. you had a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished you and now, you had a home with her.
you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “deal,” you said, feeling a surge of affection for nika.
↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
#nika muhl#nika mühl#nika muhl x reader#nika muhl smut#uconn#wnba basketball#wnba draft#wbb#uconn huskies#uconn wbb#uconn women’s basketball#seattle storm#wnba players#wnba x reader#womens basketball#women's college basketball#uconn women's basketball#women's basketball#evangeline's 2.5k celly ☆
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Dirty Work 54
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.
Characters: Loki
Note: I am back to work tmrw.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
You choose a simple dress. You like the shade of peach even as Loki eyes you archly. It might not be the choice that offends him but the state of yourself. Your nose is still healing, bandaged but not as heavily, and you have much left to recover. His own injuries remain tinged on his pale skin.
You shimmy the dress on and turn your back to him as he drones cynically. His fingers creep up along your bottom to meet the zipper and he tugs it up slowly. He’s reluctant.
“What is it? You don’t like the dress?” You face him.
“I’d rather prefer you naked,” he purrs with a wink, “but I am not overly fond of the colour, no.”
“Oh, but... you bought it?”
“Yes, my sister did have it included in the purchase but... it is rather bright.”
“I like it,” you run your hands over your stomach and hips, “it fits nicely but if you want me to change...”
“No, darling, do what you wish,” he crosses his arms, “I must learn to let you do so.”
You narrow your eyes. His malleability does not come without resentment. You shrug. You don’t have all day to be sussing out his preference.
“What is it you and my mother have planned?” He asks.
“I’m not certain,” you say as you search for your phone. The one he gave you.
“No? Hm, darling, what about a necklace?” He goes to the jewellery box and plucks out a golden chain with a peridot emblem.
“I guess,” you dig around in your work bag, most of your luggage still unpacked.
“You guess? It is a pretty necklace. What about amethyst?”
“Loki,” you fish out your phone but not the one you meant to. Your old flip.
You put it down on the nightstand stiffly and return to your search. It feels so long ago that you were that person. That sad girl living with your father and flitting through a meandering existence. You won’t say you’ve moved up very much, still at the whim of a man, but you feel distant from that person.
Perhaps Walpurgisnacht was more a rebirth than you could know.
“Pet...” Loki comes closer as you retrieve your work phone. It’s dead.
“I need to charge it,” you show him the device.
“You should toss the old one. Doubt it even works.”
“I know, I will. I have to back it up,” you say evasively. There’s not much on it but it’s the only connection you still have to your previous life. You’re not ready to slice through that last strand.
“Mm, right then, well, another to do for the list,” he steps nearer and tickles your waist, “suppose you delay your little outing with my mother and I take you to lunch--”
“She’s a guest, and your mother,” you rebuke. “Loki, I’m only doing what I need to do. Isn’t that what you want?”
He sighs, “yes, but... it is still my house. I would like more than my leave. I should say when you need go pick out flowers or tablecloths or whatnot.”
“Proposals typically lead to all that,” you say, “at least from what I know.”
“What you know?” He muses.
“Yeah, I’ve seen a few Kate Hudson movies,” you quip and give a goofy smile but quickly repress it. “Sorry, that wasn’t... funny.”
His cheeks dimple and his nostrils flair, his lips slightly curved, “is that... humour? From you?”
“Well, I... yeah, why not?”
“Hm, it isn’t a slight but you are not one for laughter.”
“Or maybe you’ve never made me laugh,” you blurt out and quickly snap your mouth shut.
His brows drop and his smile too. You stare at him. Oops. You are getting to comfortable. Even if you are to be his wife, you aren’t his equal. You don’t know that you could ever be.
He chuckles, “darling, how very sharp.” He reaches to frame your chin and turns you to him completely, “I should try harder then, to hear your sweet laughs.”
You smile, a flutter in your chest, “that’s sweet.”
“I am sweet,” he says, offended. “What do you mean?”
You just stare at him. Is he kidding?
“Don’t,” he warns with a frown. “Very well, go, have fun. Should I need anything, I will be certain to let mother know since you will be without tether...” he keeps his hand on you, squeezing, “you will be safe with her, I know.”
“Loki,” you murmur, “he’s not coming back. He wouldn’t.”
He stares at you solemnly, “no, he shouldn’t.”
It seems as if he doubts his own words. For a moment, you do too. He knows his brother much better. Yet, how can Thor return when all have turned their backs on him?
“There is no hurry, mother can wait...”
“Loki, she’s only visiting,” you remind him, “the sooner it’s done, the sooner they go, right?”
“Mm, you are clever,” he looks past you with apprehension, “suppose so. And I should speak with father about some things...” he leans in and kisses your forehead, withdrawing absently as he taps his fingertips together, “weddings and such...”
You give him a look but he’s too distracted to notice. This whole affair is his idea and yet he is uncertain. You watch him placidly.
“We don’t have to... marry--”
“No, no,” he returns his attention to you, “of course we must. We will—how could you—oh, I know it is all very new to you, pet, but trust in me. It isn’t my first rodeo. Regrettably.”
You feel a pang at the allusion to his previous marriage. You remember Sif with her sleek figure and her perfect smile and her sparkling eyes. You are second in all ways to her.
“I should go,” you insist with a sniff.
“Mm, yes, you should,” he grabs your shoulders and lays another kiss, this time on your lips. “I have told mother very strictly not to dawdle so you shouldn’t either.”
“We’ll be fine,” you assure him.
“When did you get so confident,” he teases as he retracts from you.
You offer a sheepish smile. Not confident, but hopeful. A change nonetheless.
✨
Frigga insists on lunch before you do anything. You’re struck with deja vu as she returns to that same place you went to with her sons. That day feels like eons ago but it’s been just over a month.
The change feels all the more sudden after a lifetime of stagnancy. With your dad, every day blurred together, the constancy was as dull as it was oppressive. Yet, you mourn it all the same. The spontaneity and turbulence of your new existence proves just as paralysing at times.
You may have gone from maid to fiancee, but it doesn’t dissolve your expected deference. You are marrying into the Odinsons, they have no need to ingratiate themselves to you. Even as the reminder of her elder son troubles you, you will not mention your worries aloud to the matriarch.
Frigga orders a sparkling water with fruit, you ask for the same. The waitress is not subtle as she eyes your bandaged nose. Just another reason for you to feel out of place. It's tender but feels much better.
You peer up at the sky as you sit in the open patio and the scent of the curated flowers around the space wafts in the air. Your dress rustles and tickles your leg, causing you to flinch. Another flash of before. That day you ate with Thor at your side, his hand under the table...
You shudder and blow away the memory. You reach for your water and sip as you look over the entrees. Your appetite is erratic. One second you’re ravenous, the next, nauseous. The tuna sounds good but sickening at once. You’ll get a salad.
“We will have to plan an engagement party first. Perhaps a local venue for that,” she looks at her phone and turns it on its screen as you hear it buzzing.
“Or the house? I thought... the gazebo...”
“Mm, yes, I recall, what was the name of that contractor you hired? I wouldn’t mind a similar build back at our house. Oh, and perhaps if you did want to do the wedding at home as well, a wedding arch might be a thought. I’m certain a carpenter might be up to that task,” she continues, ignoring how her phone rattles her glass. “So, we’ll skip over venues then. But invitations, perhaps? Oo, do you have a dress in mind? A brunch or something in the evening?”
You can hardly keep up with her questions. At least she offers distraction from the shadow looming over your shoulder. Both of them. If it isn’t one son, it’s the other.
The waitress returns and you order. Frigga eyes you as she puts in for a monte cristo with the soup du jour. You try to smile. You’re tired.
“Are you okay, dear? You’ve not been eating very much.”
“Oh, haven’t I?” You squirm evasively. “I’m... fine, I guess I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Oh, darling, forgive me if I am overloading you,” she fans herself with her hand, “I apologise. I’ve a bad habit of getting head over feet about these things. I have so many ideas all at once but if I sit still, I feel I might burst.”
Her words call you back to Loki pacing and circling at the hotel, then at home, he manic muttering.
“It’s alright. I don’t think of any of it. I don’t know where to begin,” you assure her.
“Ah, well, yes, but I’ve had a wedding and my son’s had a wedding already,” she chuckles, “so I do have a bit more experience. You shouldn’t worry terribly if you have questions. I am simply here to guide you.”
“I know--”
Her phone shakes again and she sighs.
“Pardon,” she tilts the phone up and you see the incoming call; Loki. She quickly turns off the ringer. “My, he is a pest. It cannot be that important--”
“I don’t have my phone,” you say, “maybe he needs something.”
“My son can wait. He is so selfish. Especially about you. Surely, he trusts his own mother,” she scoffs, “anyhow, I think a luncheon might be pleasant enough. Perhaps with a theme. Summer is here and the flowers will be lovely this time of season.”
“Excuse me, miss,” the waitress comes up to the table, a cordless phone in her hand, “there’s a gentleman on the phone asking for you.”
You frown at Frigga then glance up, realising the woman is speaking to you. You blink and take the phone from her. You put it to your ear, staring at Frigga.
“Hello?”
“Pet,” Loki bursts eagerly, “oh, I knew you’d be there. Yes, I only wanted to check in, hear your voice, but I couldn’t get through to mother.”
“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, we were just ordering--”
‘Give me the phone’ Frigga mouths and gestures.
“I...” you begin and her green eyes flare. You hand over the phone.
“Loki, this is not your time. You can wait. We are busy. You have a lovely day and we will be home in a few hours,” she says tritely, “certainly, you might find something to keep yourself busy.”
She doesn’t wait for his response as she hits the end button and hands the phone back to the server, thanking her with a smile. The brunette flits away and you tap your fingers on the table top. Frigga plays with a wave and pushes it behind her ear, “darling, don’t even worry about my son. You just focus on yourself.”
“Thank you, I just...”
“You just don’t worry,” she repeats, “if my son has issue with us doing exactly as we told him we would, then he may take it up with me. Uh, he always was a needy little boy.”
You almost laugh. You might agree with part of her sentiment but you could never imagine Loki as a little boy. In your mind, he just seems as if he’s always been grown. Not like you.
You’ve always felt clueless and inadequate. As if you never moved past childhood, that you got caught behind some wall and watched the adults from afar. Yet, now that you’re on the other side, you still feel a barrier. Like them, but not the same.
Not like the Odinsons especially. A family. You don’t have any of that. The more you think of the wedding, the more you see empty seats. No bridesmaids, not father-daughter dance, no one on your side.
“Dear, have I upset you?” Frigga cuts the silence and you catch yourself staring at the table.
You shake your head and sit up, “no, sorry, just thinking...” you scramble for a lie. You hate that you do that so often now, “what about a tea party?”
“A tea party? Marvelous, I love it,” she trills, “oh, yes, we will have to find some fine porcelain for the event.”
“Loki has lots--”
“Yes, but this is special, dear. You’ll need a special set so you can always remember the party. Oh, and teas. There is a tea shop nearby. They sell loose leaf. We can have a whole array. Ooh, and biscuits, pastries...” she begins to list off. You let her, thankful to forget everything else for the minutest of details. Tea is easy.
#loki#dark loki#dark!loki#loki x reader#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#au#maid au#dirty work#mcu#marvel#avengers#thor#series
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"That's a dangerous way of thinking."
"Almost cost me my life."
Warriors's phrase haunted Twilight. He had been so glib about it even as his words rang with a terrible sincerity. He had grinned at Twilight and an all-too familiar darkness shadowed his brother's eyes.
His brother seemed transparent in the same way that Midna had seemed transparent. They acted like they were throwing everything they were out there for those around them to take it or leave it. Twilight thought he had learned better on his journey and was ashamed that he had bought Warriors's act so thoroughly.
Twilight cheated a little to get closer to Warriors. He would have felt guilty for it and did feel a little bad for lying about his identity, but...
But Twilight had started listening after that comment and he listened to Warriors make far too many jokes like that for his peace of mind. He talked like death, his death, was a joke. He laughed off a terrifying scar too close to his jugular and made comments about why he always wore his scarf.
He joked about suicide once. He cut himself off and Twilight had seen the look on Time's face. He was sure it was echoed on his own.
Rusl had a friend once. Rusl didn't talk about him a lot. Twilight saw him sometimes for dinner. He drank a lot of wine during those dinners and drank other stuff after. Twilight remembered Rusl receiving a letter and his silent, resigned grief. Twilight stood beside Rusl at the man's funeral.
He was terrified that he would stand beside Time and Wind one day at Warriors's funeral.
When Warriors slipped away from their camp to wander into the woods, Twilight didn't feel an ounce of guilt when Wolfie followed his brother. Warriors's glib comment echoed in his head when Warriors walked almost out of earshot of camp and slumped beside a tree. It wasn't a thick area of the forest, and when Warriors tilted his head back, the moonlight shone on his face.
He didn't look sad. That was a good sign, right? Twilight wished Rusl was there.
Twilight only realized he was whining when Warriors turned to him with a smile. He gestured at him to come closer. "Hey, Wolfie," he called softly. "Are you okay? I haven't seen you in a while."
Warriors didn't smell sad, either, but Twilight cuddled up against him. Just in case. Warriors laughed, which lightened Twilight's heart, and wrapped an arm around Twilight. He hugged him and rested his head on Wolfie's.
"I still don't get it about the moon," Warriors confided, "but Time has me leery about the it. Wild and his stories of the Blood Moon don't help. It looks innocuous enough, right?"
Wolfie huffed and looked up at the moon. It was full tonight. Maybe that was why Time wanted his camp in a cave tonight. Wolfie liked the moon himself. It always made him want to howl.
"That's what I thought," Warriors agreed. He sighed and let his weight rest on Wolfie. Twilight was always worried that his brother was too light. Was he eating enough? He had convinced Wild to give Warriors subtly bigger plates but Warriors still seemed so thin.
"You'll help me keep an eye on him, right?" Warriors asked quietly. "I worry about him sometimes."
Wolfie huffed and he wagged his tail. He always kept an eye on Time. He did his best to keep an eye on all of them.
Warriors smiled and rested against Wolfie. "Thanks. I knew I could count on you."
Did he? Did Warriors know? Did he know that he didn't need to be strong? Did he know that he could lean on Twilight just like he leaned on Wolfie now?
He remembered Warriors's casual words and pressed himself a little more into Warriors. He was there for Warriors. He didn't understand what was going on beneath Warriors's charming smiles, but he would always be there for him. He hoped that if Warriors didn't realize that now, Twilight could help teach him that soon.
Wolfie whined and nuzzled his brother. Warriors stroked his back and fell silent.
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﴾ i drink your blood and i eat your skin, part eight.
pairing: hwang hyunjin x f!reader
genre: vampire au
word count: 12,4k
warnings: blood, only a mention of an animal but not described in any way!
author’s note: im so sorry for not writing again sooner, I still have some exams before me to do. though i can’t wait for my summer break, because I will finally have the time to write again and you can look forward to some other stories of mine that are almost rotting in the drafts. and btw thank you again for the amazing support <3
masterlist
playlist
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If only the things you done in the past could be erased the moment you realized you were in the wrong. You wished that after realizing your mistake, it all could be left behind. Why are you so stupid sometimes? Why did you speak before thinking first? Maybe you do deserve the pain he inflicted on you. You were asking for it but you only wanted to know the truth, you didn’t expect that it would somehow affect him so much. It was like he also learned the truth that night. Your head perhaps is just a hole filled with insecurities which you just can’t overcome because you simply won’t expect the fact that someone might actually like you. Like you, to get to know you better, see and hear about your biggest fears and dreams, helping you get pass them, overcome them and accomplish them. It feels like forever since you thought about your feelings this much. You were so used to blocking them away.
You want so badly to just let go and enjoy all of this but you have been alone for so long that you don’t even know if you want to be loved anymore. It is such a crazy idea to you, a reality now…maybe. You dream about being loved that is all you do and maybe it is the only right thing for you. You are a lover girl, not a loved girl…that’s how it is supposed to be in your head. Are you sabotaging yourself?
A man such as himself falling in love with you? Tall, handsome, so charming and yet so dark and broken, wanting only you to be his forever. You want so badly to do the same but it is all just so scary. For quite some time your world started to become dull, everyday was the same. You realized, you were always alone after all and suddenly someone came in to your life, wanting to change that? What if this is the same for him? He has seen the world grow, the circle of life, people dying and being born again. It must be so lonely for him in some way, no one stick around long enough. Like he said — if you were like him, maybe you would understand but you don’t want to say that you somehow do understand…feel something. How could you not really? Even after what happened, because of that you want to get to know him better even more. And you’re so crazy in the head that you almost liked how he touched you…
You are awake now, still however feeling yourself slip into unconsciousness every once in a while. Your body is dripping in sweat, nightgown clinging on to your skin. Though you don’t remember any dream that could possibly make your body react in that way and it is always so cold in your room. A sigh leaves you as you roll onto your back. You hate how much you enjoy the silk sheets pooling over you, caressing you. The blissful state of almost falling asleep again is abruptly interrupt as something drip down on to your skin. You wipe it off but as you do, it only happenes again.
As your hand wiped off the substance which you thought was your sweat, your coated fingers graze your nose. The awful coppery smell hits you instantly, making your face scrunch up in confusion laced with panic. As you open your eyes, they fall onto your hand. You breathe out in shock at the crimson blood as another bead drips into your open palm, making your eyes tilt up to the direction it came from.
…You have never seen such a horrifying sight. Your mind is completely wiped out of any thoughts because you couldn’t simply make out what you are seeing right now. However this gruesome picture stares right at you, almost like presented in a way, so it gives the most gut wrenching feeling out of you. Your whole body stiffened but soon began shaking wildly in panic and fright and every passing second you look at it more, it becomes more real to you. The red color covers your field of vision, you couldn’t see nothing more than that. The once beautiful eyes of the animal are now dull, life completely vanished and you could see the pain in them. The once vibrant white color of its skin now painted red, dripping down on your bed. Your breathing becomes heavy but you couldn’t get any air into your lungs, every intake punches you into your chest and soon your lips open to release a blood curdling scream.
Eyes blocked with your hot tears, made you fall onto the ground as you so desperately try to scramble away as far as your stiff muscles would allow you to. You feel like throwing up, swallowing your spit and trying to fight the awful feeling in your stomach. Your hands curl up to your chest as you sat on the floor, you could feel how much your heart was pounding. You must be dreaming…yes, you must be. This is just another nightmare. Just a nightmare. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real—
You jump harshly as the door to your bedroom swings open, so fast that it flew onto the wall heavily and with such a force that the door almost fell off its hinges. Your hands fly to your ears at the loud sound, still not being able to catch your breath as every intake burned inside your chest. Your bloodshot eyes fall to your nightgown, seeing how much it is stained with that godawful substance and you wish for the floor to swallow you whole.
Your cries are so loud that you don’t even hear someone rushing in to your room, accompanied with another pairs of footsteps. The first person to come in to the room, immediately rushes to your trembling figure, momentarily stopping to look at the sight that now is permanently imprinted in your mind. You feel cold hands touching yours, flinching instantly away from them. You already know who it is, you don’t know how but you just do. Maybe because you feel such a weird sense of calmness wash over you but you are in such a state of shock that you couldn’t do anything other than jump away from the touch.
Hyunjin thought that by being one of the most powerful creatures on earth meant that there was simply nothing to be afraid of…till now — when he heard that sound. Till he heard that horrible sound of your scream…the way it sounded — so in pain, so scared, he immediately felt it too. He didn’t think twice, rushing to your room, so blinded by his own fear that he didn’t even see his family being right behind him, following him. When his eyes fell onto your curled up body, shaking like a leaf, he almost fell down on his own knees in despair. However the well known smell, made him for a second stumble upon the cause of all of this. His heart broke at the sight and also for you. He tried to calm you down but how? You don’t even want to look at him, scared that you will catch a glimpse of it again.
“No—no, I can’t, I can’t–“ Comes out of your lips as soon as his hands leave you. Your shaking hands press onto your eyes, slowly falling down to your knees, crunching up the fabric of your nightgown tightly but you could still see the blood.
Hyunjin glances back for a second at the bed, catching eyes with his equally horrified best friend who stood next to your bed before he also looks down at your body. Only by touching your hands, his own were completely covered in it and for the first time in a while he feels repulsed by the crimson. It gives you pain then why should it give him pleasure?
Your eyes flicker back to the canopy, only feeling more shocked and disgusted at the sight, you just have to be sure you’re not imagining all of this. This is so sick, who did this…why?
Hyunjin looks down again at his hands coated in blood and for a minute he wonders if any of it is yours but he would already know if yes because your blood simply smells different from any other. You aren’t injured physically but this imagine is grater and even more painful than any other. Someone must have done this with a purpose…hurt you. His eyes flash with anger, his priority was only you at this moment, every day, every night. Revenge can wait.
“Search the grounds.” Says Chan. Hyunjin didn’t acknowledge his presence at all till now and looking at him he realized, he wasn’t the only one in great anger. “Even the woods.” He adds, the men who followed their master in to your room nod before scrambling away.
A sob broke the silence, making Hyunjin look back at you. “It’s okay, love-“ He shushes you softly, putting his arms around your body, caging you but still not touching you, only hovering because you didn’t give him your permission.
Your cries die down a little, still hiccuping slightly as the panic slowly goes away. Shaking your head at his words, your eyes close as you tilt your head up. You go to take a breath through your nose but it is only clogged up because of your crying, making you breathe in with your lips. Your eyes open, finally looking at him. Your puffy and red eyes meet his azure and piercing ones. In a sense they calmed you a little as you thought of the ocean every time you would look into them.
Hyunjin’s heart broke even more at your gaze. He could see the pain, panic, sadness while also laced with sleepiness at the corners. How could someone do this to you…
His arms fall a little to his sides and you finally seem to register how close he is to you but you don’t pull away. You are safe now. “Let me help you clean up.”
You don’t give him a response and like he could read your mind, he knew that you weren’t against it. You don’t even know if you can stand up on your own. Your hands press onto the floor, trying to stand up on your shaking legs and before you could stumble even a little, he is already there. Like every time since the night you two met. His hands flew to grip your upper arms. His touch feels different from the past, still strong but now also gentle, like he is holding a piece of glass. You are not sure if it is because of the situation but it almost feels like his cold touch, could set your body on fire. You feel empty, traumatized and completely uselessness. The vampire helped you up, but it is more like he is standing and walking for you both. You have never felt so light in your life and it wasn’t just because of his strong arms, you felt — tired.
He leads you to the bathroom, closing the door slightly while walking you to the bathtub. You let out a small hiccup at his gentle touch, so careful, feeling completely undeserving of his attention at the moment. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry…” He doesn’t response, letting him push you on to the bath, making you sit down at the corner as he hold you in his arms a little longer. Your brain almost forgot about whatever happened outside this door as he rubs small circles on your skin. Your eyes were too scared to look into his, breath hitching as his thumb trails over the naked skin of your shoulder. Hyunjin also got a little lost in the moment before he looks down at your blood covered nightgown. That sight makes him snap back to his senses, hands leaving your body.
When he stepped out from your line of sight, your eyes fell to the mirror. Blood covered your neck, face, even your hair line and basically your whole upper body. You become sick to your stomach, remembering that this is the blood of an innocent animal. Looking at your hands you reminisced the way its soft skin felt on your skin, just a few hours ago. Now they only made you see the crimson that stained them.
As you look upon them, your view is blocked by a hand, traveling over your skin of your fingertips till it comes to softly hold yours. Hyunjin kneels down before you, holding your hand out for him to wipe off the blood from your skin. He was so soft, it almost felt like your skin was being kissed by a whiff of cold wind. His cold touch calms down your racing heart and you almost want to grumble in protest as he keeps his touch at minimum. It felt so nice and jokingly cooling. However in some way you are thankful that he respects your boundaries.
“I can do it myself—“ You whispered, watching the towel slowly turning red while your skin is finally being able to breathe again.
“No.” He said, stubbornly, almost as he was mocking you but on his face was no smile whatsoever.
You watch him wash your hands with the towel, the water in the bucket where he dipped it in progressively getting darker. You are slightly mesmerized by how much bigger his hand is compared to yours. Yes, you do look at them quite often but seeing his long fingers wrapping around your wrist like that is a first. You become aware that you were still dressed in the same, a little see through nightgown and it makes you self conscious. Your other, now clean hand, comes to tug at the fabric so it isn’t so tight on your body. Watching the man before you, you let his hand linger on your wrist, fingers pressing into your pulse.
He could feel how much your heart is racing, but it is not like he couldn’t hear it with his own ears as well as the pulsing blood underneath your skin. Hyunjin went to wring out the towel, turning back to you with his back now straight. Your breath hitched slightly, timidly lowering your gaze. Even if he was the one kneeling he has the power here. How wrong you were…
Fingers, like a feather touching your chin made you look back at the man. The hand on your nightgown formed into fist for a moment as he now washes away the pain from your features. He still holds your chin between his fingers as he wipes the blood, sweat and tears. The embarrassing noise you almost let out, gets stuck in your throat as you look up at him. How can someone look so good from this angle? His concentrated gaze made you feel timid, so many thoughts suddenly running through your head and ones that made you lower your gaze.
Your lips release a choke breath. At the same moment you look away from him, reality hits you yet again. You can still remember the horrible sight you saw just moments ago. “I don’t understand what happened…why would someone do this —“
He sighed at your confused, saddened tone, lifting your chin higher slightly to meet your eyes and suddenly you forgot you were even angry at him yesterday’s night. Whatever happened yesterday was so silly and so stupid, you really don’t understand yourself sometimes. He was so kind to you, even with his nature, he would never hurt you or wouldn’t even want to see you get hurt...Why are your eyes suddenly wide open? You feel horrible that this — what happened made you realize how stupid and ungrateful you were. You just don’t now what to do…so you rather do nothing or just push further and further away.
Your eyes unwillingly welled up with tears, falling down your cheeks freely and poolling in to his hand. “Poor animal, oh my god was it yours — the horse.” The words fall out of your mouth, sniffling at your own words. When you looked at him, he didn’t quite meet your eye and for the first time you could see how much heartbroken he truly was. “I’m so sorry…”
He suddenly looks back at you, his other hand still tracing the towel your tear stained face. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for…I should be the one apologizing.” Hyunjin whispers the last words, his hands falling to his side before going to grip the bathtub you are sitting on.
You immediately understood what he is implying, it is not like you weren’t thinking about it earlier. “No.” You whisper back, trying to meet his eyes but his are set on the marble floor. “I am sorry.” For everything…you wanted to say. You wanted to say sorry for being so detached.
He shakes his head at your words, a short dry laugh falling from his lips. His hands on each side of you caged you under his glare but it wasn’t an unwelcome one, he looked saddened just as you were about all of this. “Someone did this to you — without me knowing even a single thing…” He sneers but his voice becomes little as he looks at your leg briefly where your mark, bruise, he left on you would be. It burned under his gaze. “No one knows a thing and they could have hurt you. I would never forgive myself for that…” His voice almost cracks at the end, recalling what he did yesterday, feeling like he is no better than the person who did this.
His broken tone rings in the air but only a single move it took to change the whole atmosphere of the room. As Hyunjin looked up at you, his hands gripped the edge of the bath so tightly, you could hear the stone cracking under his palms. You corner almost at the wild look in his azure eyes that are now just a flicker more red than usual. “I will find whoever did this and I promise you, I’ll kill them for you.” He says, lip curling up, giving you a small glimpse of his sharp teeth.
Your heart starts to beat even faster with his words and before you could stop yourself, your hand flew to his. Your hand grabbed his, scared that he would break the bathtub with his unhuman strength. His eyes cleared the moment your warm skin touches his freezing one. Both of you glance at each other in shock and just as quickly as you touched him, you pull away.
Your eyes look at your own hands in disbelief as he look at his in amazement. How are you so warm? Hand so smooth and warm that he wondered how it would feel like to have it back on his skin. What you did, in some way feels different from any other touches you have shared before. It felt intimate, just the split of second giving away such a raw emotion in which he now wants to drown in. He tried to say something but words some times are not enough nor necessary. At least your said precious skin isn’t covered in blood anymore but the big stain on your nightgown is still a big give away of what happened.
Hyunjin then stands up without a word, throwing the towel away before stopping to look through the slightly open door. His heart sank as he gazed back into the bedroom, just as his friend was being removed from the canopy of your bed. How come someone was able to sneak in and do this without anyone hearing even a thing? He knows better. This doesn’t feel like an attempt to kill you — his dead heart seems to skip a beat under this awful thought. This was a sign of a warning.
“From now on, you will be with me. I want you by my side.”
You said nothing, because there is no point in arguing and also you liked his idea better than being in here alone. You can’t stand the thought of ever sleeping in that bed ever again and the once beautiful, comfy sheets made your stomach flip. You again turn to look at yourself in the mirror opposite to you, grimacing at the image. Your messy bed hair was sticking to your skin, eyes and lips puffy with your nose runny from the crying, you can’t understand for a moment, how his appeal could be even possible.
Standing up, you again unstick the material of your nightgown from your skin. It felt uncomfortable, not to mention you felt dirty and the way he could probably see the outline of your body didn’t make you pleased. You go around the tub, just where he stood but before he could let you walk pass him, he stops you.
You stumble slightly when he suddenly turn around, blocking your way with his towering body. You look up at him, shakily breathing through your nose as he glared into your eyes. “Don’t look.” He probably meant whatever was happening inside the room right now and you would definitely feel better of not knowing. It wasn’t like you would want to look anywhere else beside his alluring eyes.
You both take the time to look at each other’s features. You marvel over his perfect pale skin that almost seemed translucent as you could see the veins under the thin layer of skin. It felt like you were seeing him in a completely different light. You also wondered if he was enchanted with you as much as you were with him but that didn’t seem right in your head. Maybe if you were clean and would be wearing something nicer…you suddenly want him to see you in the best version of yourself. He literally has only seen the bad and the worse. Where did this come from?
You listen to the noises just outside the room, they however felt like miles away as he grazed his hand over your left shoulder. Hyunjin was experimenting, trying to see if you would feel repulsed by his touch but you didn’t even flinch. Your heart skipped a beat slightly and from what he could hear it wasn’t in a bad way. His hand, completely now on your shoulder, fingers extending that his index finger almost reached your collarbone, trailed down the length of your arm. His hand awakened goosebumps all over your body, the simple touch made you feel so embarrassed as it was so exciting to your untouched skin. His hand stopped at your wrist, short familiarity spiking through you as he left it there.
Who was more nervous? You or Hyunjin? He would like to say that it was him. His hand tightened its hold, still careful not to hurt you…like he did before. Hyunjin throws the thoughts away, trying to enjoy the fact that you are willingly letting him touch you. He has a hard time to look into your big curious eyes, his own glancing at your hand that clunched the fabric of your nightgown closer to your chest.
He quickly looks away, turning around still holding you and finally walking out of the bathroom together. Your eyes were deadly set onto the floor but you couldn’t miss the fact that he purposely blocked the sight of the bed with his body. Though you are still looking at his hand around your wrist. What if he would be holding your hand instead? Maybe interlock your fingers together? That was probably too much and so early for either of you to handle.
When you step outside the bedroom, you feel like, you can finally breathe. Your eyes flicker to the man who is still holding you to the other people passing by you. They walk by you with heavy, fast steps and as you turned around, some of them would stop at your bedroom or continue their path further. So many people, men and women of all ages. It looked unnatural as because you were so used to being alone in this place. Or maybe they already did walk passed you like this, maybe your eyes just weren’t opened till now.
You jump slightly every time your feet would land on the freezing floor, missing the carpets. You glance down, grimacing because you see blood seeping through the carpet, there was no way you could miss it, even on the dark colors of the material. Hyunjin seems to feel your shift, even if if your emotions were all over the place. He could read people just by the smallest difference in the beat of their heart. Well, sometimes when it comes to you. He looked back at you, eyes traveling to the direction you were looking. Such an attention to detail, even he didn’t notice it. His head was just too occupied at this moment.
Confused you glance at him as he took few steps before you, finding his back turned to you but that wasn’t the thing that made you so confused. It was his irregular steps. He looked like he was dancing and soon you realized what he was doing. He was making a path for you to follow so you wouldn’t step in any of the dirty spots on the carpet. You wanted to thank him but words were not necessary at the moment. However, you, nervously, squeezed his finger that was resting inside your palm and he in responded squeezed your wrist back. How can he know you so well when you speak so little?
He lead you further into the house, the furtherest you have ever been so far. You both passed by the big staircase, going right into the direction where you haven’t been before. The hallway at this side of the house wasn’t almost lit at all, some candles though keep you from stumbling in the dark. The air also was colder but not too uncomfortable, maybe because you’re getting used to it. Hyunjin stops almost at the end of the corridor. Right before slightly open door, turning to you to let you in the room first.
Before you step inside, you glance into the room where the welcoming soft hue of orange was coming from. As you took small step inside, Hyunjin for some reason thought that your small uncertainty in your steps meant you’re suddenly uncomfortable with the hold he has you in. He released you at that, fingers twitching as he could still feel the small electricity at his fingertips. When your hand falls unexpectedly to your side, you turn in confusion at your company who without even a glance walks past you into the room. You don’t want to question his behavior anymore, it seems like these mood swings of his are a normal occurrence, so you just follow him inside.
This room was even bigger than yours. Ceilings even higher, decor even more dramatic and everything just so more monumental. You two however weren’t alone in the room as some maids kept running all over the place and are thankful for their presence at the moment. Your eyes flicker to the bookshelfs, lining the walls, to the small table rounded by a couch and some chairs, to another door, probably leading to a bathroom, till they stop at the big bed. Because of the candles that the maids are trying so hard to light up, you could at least get a glimpse of the room like this. Your eyes travel over to him, standing before you, watching you, before you had to again avert your gaze somewhere else, right back to the bed where you can tell how the sheets were unmade.
“Is this your bedroom?” You wondered out loud but you already knew the answer as you glance timidly back to him.
“Yes.” He said.
You hate this when you realized this is the first time you have been in man’s bedroom like this. You simply nod at his agreement, trying to ignore your own thoughts by looking more around his room, finding even more new things to marvel about because of the lit candles. You could see the small streeks of light, coming from the top of the heavy curtains as well as some papers on one of the tables in the room. You again remembered what happened just moments ago. It was so quick, all of this. From the sight to his kind words, touch and now this. He must’ve just woken up as you turn to look at his clothes. They were still the same clothes that he wore last night, another reminder that all of this happened so quickly. You don’t know, if it’s the fact that you don’t have a life to begin with but everything that happened made you so tired but you can’t even think of sleeping again.
Two women passed by you, watching them put something on the bed. The sparkling fabric winked at you and you immediately realize that those are the dresses that were given to you. You look away, however he is already watching your every move, noticing the small look of wonder on your face.
“I haven’t seen you wearing any of the dresses I gave you.” Hyunjin said, turning his back to you slightly as he leans over his bed to pick at the fabric of one of those dresses. “You don’t like them?” He almost sounded hurt.
You knew that he was just playing with you. “I didn’t know they were for me.” You respond, cringing how stupid it sounded. Who did you play dumb for?
He however wasn’t offended by your lie at all. “I wish to see you in them, but of course only if you want yourself.” The vampire added quickly, not to sound too controlling. “It is not wrong to enjoy these gifts I give you.”
To be fair, you can’t lie that there wasn’t a single moment when you almost picked out one of them, to maybe even just feel the fabric between your fingers but dressing up was the last thing on your mind right now. You are still shaken, confused and traumatized, you kind of wished that all of this was just a dream. He knew that even if it didn’t seem like it. He completely understands how you are feeling right now, he is only trying to keep your mind off it.
Hyunjin panics a little as your heart didn’t calm down, still fast, your lips sat into a thin line. “Would you like a bath?” He asked, more like himself as you finally glance back at him at his words. “You would want to yes…” He thought, almost frantically.
Your eyes flicker down at your nightgown again and at the big stain on the front of it. “Yes…but you can clean up first.” You say, looking at his bloodied shirt, he following your statement by also looking at himself, like he only now realized.
“Don’t worry about me, blood has never bothered me.” He waved you off. Till, he saw it being the cause of your pain.
You frown. “Pobably but it is still from your—“ You stopped yourself before even thinking to continue. His face turns into sorrow for a second at the mention of his beloved, now deceased animal. “I’m sorry.”
You look around the room again, trying to escape the conversation. The beautiful decorations kept your mind occupied, eyes traveling to the little angels at each corner of the room. Under the dim light they almost looked haunting. His canopy looked even more magnificent and monumental than yours, if that was even possible and definitely less bloody...The colors of the bed however were still the same as yours, the sheets unmade, duvet almost on the floor.
“Aren’t you tired?” You spoke up again, eyes plastered on the bed. When you were met with silence you glance back, him expressing a small confusion on his features. “Like it’s morning.”
“Vampires don’t get tired but yes, sometimes we need sleep to regain our strength but I don’t think I can sleep, knowing you are now in danger.”
“It is alright, you can-“
“No, it’s not!” He raised his voice, the sheer loudness making you tremble as well as the other people in the room who momentarily stopped everything they were doing just to look at him. It was like he himself got shocked by his own reaction but to him it was the only right one. He doesn’t understand how you are somehow so unaffected about this. Yes, you are still slightly shaking but it seem like this is taking a bigger role on him than you. “Someone was in your room, someone got inside without anyone knowing and left a message that for sure wasn’t a felicitation of me courting you.”
You ignore the fact that he basically said you two were to be wed or something like that, because you only realize by his words that he is right. You’re in danger and without even a single clue who the enemy is, but you know that it must be someone powerful as they got away with this so easily. “But I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt me — I’m no one.” You mean it. You’re a human with one friend, no enemies that you know of and you have a normal, quiet life — till now.
Hyunjin can’t help the small anger rising in his chest from your words, shaking his head in disbelief that you would even think something like that. “You’re not no one, not only for me but also for others.” That made your heart skip a beat and from the way his voice was radiating sincerity. “Someone knows who you are and that leaves you in a dangerous situation…In my long life, I have never feared the enemies, I made along the way, till now.”
You go silent, only sighing deeply from his confession. He really does now how to use his words to make you go insane in the head. You can’t help but feel slightly giddy inside because of the way he always speaks to you, so kindly and passionately, in way that you have only read in books and wondered — just wondered if anyone like this truly exist. You do not know him that well but you can’t imagine him having any enemies at all...maybe his charms didn’t work all the time.
Yawning, you quickly put your hand over your mouth, silencing that embarrassing sound but it only made Hyunjin’s frown deeper. “You can go to sleep…you’re safe now.” He doesn’t think that there will be even a second of not him listening to your beating heart. The possibility of there being a scenario where he wouldn’t be able to, made him scared…he is scared.
You do feel how your eyes are getting droopy, your legs becoming soft but the thought of sleeping after all of these events really wasn’t possible. “I don’t think I can–“ You sigh in small exhaustion. However your body is telling you a whole different story and he could see it. The thing that happened just moments ago, made you truly awake, it made your eyes wide open, for the first time since you got here. Or maybe since you met him?
You started to see different colors, ones that finally made you feel alive. Like you were born again, in some sense. But was it really necessary for a sweet, innocent animal to get hurt for this? It also could have been you... The thought of some stranger creeping up on you while sleeping, you completely unaware and the person choosing to give a message like this instead of not simply killing you, made you fear even more. “—I’m still sorry for your horse…” You say again, you just can’t help but feel a little bit responsible for this.
Hyunjin has to keep calm, emotions too much for his cold heart to bear. “Like I said, it wasn’t your fault…the most important thing is that you are alright.”
Yes, of course. That was the most important thing…
But you do not in fact feel alright. You have just seen the most gruesome image, you have ever seen. It is all your fault. You do not want to be alone. You want to stay with him — he now makes you feel safe. How could you be so heartless and cold towards him? Was it just your defense mechanism with everything that brings you happiness? Finally being seen, made you frightened as there was also someone or something that saw you. It was in your room, the only goal in their mind to scare you…away?
Set of footsteps echo behind you, stopping just at the threshold of the room. You had to focus your eyes on this new face you haven’t seen before. The young man’s skin, shined in the dimly lit room, eyes reflecting like the eyes of a wild animal. He looked so young, hair longer blonde and eyes striking you with their intensity. He momentarily looked at your figure but his full attention was however on the vampire behind you. They stared at each other, the blonde giving a look which you couldn’t quite understand but Hyunjin certainly did.
You feel him right at your back, cold from his skin so close to yours. Turning around, you glance between him and the young man. His close proximity didn’t startle you that much as he with a deep inhale, backs away from you himself. “I have to go now…” He looks down at you with his blue eyes, searching for forgiveness. You don’t want to be alone…for the first time, you really need his company in some way and even if he didn’t like his nonpresence as much as himself, he needs to do at least something about this situation you’re now in. He could see your small frown, you are trying to hide but there is a hint of understanding which he is thankful for.
He takes a step closer to you but stops midway with his lips parted. Whatever there was that he wanted to say, was replaced by other words, you could see the true words reflecting in his eyes. “If you need anything, just go down to the end of the of the corridor, I will be there.”
The tension could be cut with knife, aware of the audience you two still have, you simply nod in understanding, wrapping your arms around yourself as to form some sort of barrier between you and him. Why does he have to look at you like that? Like he could see right through you or maybe trying to, flickering his vibrant eyes all over you.
Your lips also parted but you close them again as he walks past you in a sense of hurry and you didn’t even know it was because he almost decided to stay here with you…
────
And in fact, sleep didn’t find you after all. Every time you would close your eyes, you would see the gruesome picture, the sad and grey eyes staring right at you, the blood…The bed you are laying in is still cold, the heavy duvet couldn’t give you the warmth you were searching for. You desperately need someone, just to comfort you. You have never felt so scared and paranoid. Your eyes would travel all around the room, till you memorized every detail in the dimly lighted room. You didn’t let anybody blow even a single candle off because the thought of being in the dark, made your skin crawl.
The only thing which weirdly seem to comfort you were the sheets. The spicy, sweet scent lingering in them filling your nose till it helped your body to relax. You tried to ignore the fact that the sheets smelled like him. It is only because he is powerful enough to protect you, his scent wrapped around you like an embrace you still desperately need. Protect you? He even said himself that he failed to do that…Someone really tried to — or maybe at least considered to kill you. You…such a bizarre, scary, yet now true and realistic thing. And it is because of him, the man who still scares you.
You can’t really choose sides because you can see who the real enemy is. You can’t keep telling yourself that he is the one who is going to hurt you. You have to believe that he wouldn’t do that, turn into his instincts and just sucking you dry of your life. Maybe he is just a normal man trapped in his own body…
There is probably no way of going out of this now, you fear you don’t have any other choice. You just want to close your eyes and wake up. Wake up from this nightmare. You hate how you have no idea what do to. You, till now had all the control over your life as it was simple and you were basically the only person in it. You, now have to rely on him, trust him to protect you. Trust him that he will not change his mind with you.
You can’t stand a second alone anymore. The creaks of the old wood made you jump every time, your skin around your nails was already raw from your picking and you could feel the lump in your throat slowly suffocating you. You don’t want to be alone anymore, even if it means that he would be the one to safe you from this prison. You just need a small walk and not think about anything. Maybe find something to eat, since you still haven’t eaten anything, even if the thought of food made you sick to your stomach.
You clinched onto the silky skirt of your nightgown, not even caring about the cold floor under your feet. Your skin was clean but the memory still lingered as well as also the metallic smell under your nose. The black fabric trailed behind you as you make your way out of the bedroom. You simply picked the silky, long, black nightgown because it didn’t remind of that one stained in sin.
This side of the mansion was unusually cold. You wondered if it is because of the death living in these walls. Everything however other than the cold, seemed more used and alive. There were roses at every piece of furniture, the carpet which you were standing on, had in some places its color faded and even the wooden floors were scratched, probably from shoes. It all shined with such light, you haven’t seen before.
You walked further and further, till you had to turn around to look at the end of the hallway to a door. It seemed to call to you, maybe that is were he was hiding but as you reached the railing of the big staircase, you were proven otherwise.
Your hand wrapped around the polished wood of the staircase when you felt it. Him, his presence stabbing you into your back. “Where are you going?” You gasp, turning swiftly, with your eyes wide.
Maybe he should stop doing that. Maybe his quiet movements and talent to always creep up on you, just comes with his nature but you probably will never get used to it. His sudden appearance made goosebumps rise all over your body, looking at him with your lips parted. He looked in some way different...His hair was tussled, eyes piercing and weirdly wide as he stared down at your body clad in the black nightgown with an unnatural expression who think you have seen before — but you just can’t place it. His lips were red and plump, almost like just bit into a cherry. He looked…yes, different that is the word. “Nowhere…” Is your simply answer as you tighten your grip on the railing, not being able to meet his eyes. Why don’t you say the truth? You are not sneaking out or anything but just this sudden difference in his appearance, made you quiver and lost don’t words.
He looks disappointed at your lack of answer. He licks his lips when he took a step closer to you and you couldn’t help but to follow that movement. Was it the smell of him from the sheets still lingering on you or was it coming from him? It burns your nose in an awfully pleasant way, your head almost starts to hurt from it. It wrapped around you, just the way you need, but he didn’t seem to notice your disorientation that much as he himself seems to be quite lost.
“I told you to stay in my bedroom.”
You frown at that. There’s no reason for you to be in his room the whole time, seeing that you are still being watched and he only just proved your point by showing up. Like he said, you’re safe now, at least from the person who did that horrible thing. In fact, you'd rather be doing something other than lying in bed, just wondering. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is a lot. Finally you want to do something in this still unfamiliar place. For once, you want to do something to keep your mind occupied, so you wouldn’t again drown in your own thoughts and secondly you just don’t think it is that big of a deal that you’re outside his bedroom. There are probably many people looking after you and you’re thankful for that but he seems like he doesn’t trust them, you — to take care of yourself. Maybe you’re a human but you still have free will in this house.
“Till what?” You say, back leaning on the staircase. “I just want something to eat.” You trail off, almost like a little kind after being scolded.
“And I told you to call me if you need something–“
“I can still walk and do things myself…I’m fine.” You, so badly wanted to roll your eyes and maybe not really in annoyance. He came again closer to you and you almost shiver at the smell radiating from him. Why is it so addicting? What is he doing to you?
His stops right in front of you, making you look up into his glaring eyes. Even if his build was quite thin, he radiated power that made you want to curl up into a ball. “You’re taking all of this too lightly.” Hyunjin leans over you, your eyes completely captivated by his and the red hue they held.
“And you too…” You don’t want to say that you got lost in his eyes. Also you don’t know how to feel about someone like him being so concerned about your well being but you think he is just a little exaggerating. It happened to you, not him. You really should feel more scared and you think you even do but all of your fright seem to vanish when he is present. Again, is it only because you know him well enough now that you know, he won’t hurt you or is it only because there is someone showing you who the real danger is? Do you really trust him? Maybe but you do not trust these feelings you are starting to feel when you are with him. When he is away, you always think of him differently than when he is with you…you’re totally screwed.
Hyunjin looks you over, listening closely to your heart. It was steady, you were too calm for his liking. Just few hours ago, you were shaking and now you’re almost completely calm. “You are telling me that this doesn’t concern you?” He questioned you, trying to search in your eyes for answers as they were completely unmoving from his. “Well, it certainly does concern me.”
“That’s good for you.” Comes out of your mouth, wishing silently to not be having this conversation any longer. You suddenly feel embarrassed as you realize how you are acting. The sweet smell turned sorrow the more his frown deepened and also your own expression. Why are you acting like this? You’re a grown woman and you shouldn’t be acting like this. You don’t know if he truly noticed what you were doing but you wished for the ground to swallow you whole.
With a shaky inhale you turn your body to possibly go around him but he saw your move of getting away from him miles away. His arm blocked your way, hand grabbing the railing so close to yours, you again almost shivered as his other also caged you in. You can’t look at him now. You knew you would only embarrassed yourself further. Could he sense your desperation? Maybe this thing — the smell was playing with your head or made you do feel this way about him but you were certain that if you would look at him, you would lost the silent battle between you two.
“Just let me go.” You say, voice soft and quiet but he could hear you clearly as well as your pounding heart.
Your head is leveled with his upper chest but your eyes are set on his hand next you, gripping the railing so tightly, like he is holding the last bit of his sanity left in him. It is only to ignore his breath fanning over you but you just become more aware of his close presence. You could feel his cold breath moving your hair as he leans over your frozen body. “No.”
Your eyes look into his direction, stopping at his chest softly raising and falling and his alabaster skin, peaking out of his slightly unbuttoned shirt. “Let me go, Hyunjin.” You are now pleading because you really do feel like fainting from this rollercoaster of emotions, you’re now experiencing.
Your words may have meant a little more than either of you would like to admit. He looks down at you with such softness that he is only confident in when you are not fully seeing it. “How can you? How can you be so calm? Are you not scared that somebody tried to hurt you?” He says, hair around your forehead being swept away from his breath.
You finally look at him, pointedly. “It is not like it would be the the first time…”
Were you only this mean to see what he would do? See how much it would take for him to see that maybe you’re not the right person for him. Everything that happened was only because of someone else. And he in fact finally sees you, even more than you thought he would as he steps away from you with his eyes flashing with anger. Or maybe he is just seeing what you've been trying to achieve all along. Trying to throw away any responsibility as your form of self protection. Because your life gave you everyday the same things and when finally something new happens to you, you are too scared to do anything about it.
Maybe you were being too harsh with your words as you look upon him. As soon as he backed away from you, he comes even closer. Way closer. You become wide eyed from how fast, he pinned you up against the railing. “Listen to me, you will stay in your room till I say otherwise, I can’t compel you but I sure will convince you.” The stairs digged painfully into your back and not from you trying to get away from him, he is actually the one pressing you into it.
You breathe out as you can feel your chests up against each other and you flush at the feeling more as you realized there weren’t that many layers separating you. “You c-can’t…” You can’t talk properly as he is basically suffocating you.
He tilts his head a little at your words. “Can’t what?” Hyunjin repeats, tilting his head down at your level to maybe catch your eye fully. “You’re really testing my patience, love. I don’t want to be like this…I don’t want to make you fear me but you’re so…insufferable.”
Please, stop saying that. You do know how you are acting and that it is bad. No person deserves this and you do know what it feels like. You are becoming the very person you hate. “Hyunjin….I am so sorry — I am just so scared.” You’re scared of everything. Manly from these feelings bubbling inside your chest, not even the person that wants to hurt you, scares you more. You promise yourself to not feel this emotions again, it just never works out in your favor. You glance at him, eyes filled with sorrow that his own seemed to completely mimic. “I just don’t want to think about all of this. Everything is still so new and now this?” You look around, hating yourself for the burning in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore…what to feel anymore —”
His hand travels from the railing closer to your own, tips of his fingers touching your burning skin. You look down at his hand, lingering again so close to yours before looking up at him with big eyes. “Then let me…let me be you, I will protect you but you just have to let me in….” He says, whispering those words to you.
Your heart flutters at his words. Does he really mean it? If yes, would you even be able to give in fully? You can’t say that you don’t want to. His eyes look into yours with such softness, you wondered if those are really the same eyes you saw the first night you two met. You could see him, through those red irises you saw someone. His true self. He also could see the small girl peaking from behind the beautiful color of your eyes, a small girl who searched her whole life for a purpose and love. He wants to think he is what you have been searching for. He enjoys these moments of complete silence. Your voice is so warm and soothing but sometimes these silent moments gave more than words. Hyunjin could look at you freely. From your eyebrows to your eyes that showed him wrinkles of smiles and tears they have been through, to your nose that you sometimes like to stick somewhere you shouldn’t and then your lips. You do notice that.
You let him, as you are also letting your own eyes fall onto his own but the usual admiration you had for them vanished. From the conversation you had before you didn’t notice the small smudge of red at the corner of his mouth. You knew what it was, you knew what he was, so this should be normal, even for you but you today find yourself absolutely dispising this color. You turn your head away from him and he at the loosen his grip on the railing.
You don’t want to think about what happened, you don’t meet his lingering stare. You knew it would only give away your feelings for him, you wouldn’t be able to hide them. He steps away from you, still however keeping close to you but you could atleast breathe now. You look up at him then after few moments of just trying to calm yourself down, eyes falling immediately on the same spot as before, at his lips.
“What do you want to eat?”
“Huh?” You let out dumbly, momentarily looking at his eyes which held a teasing flicker. “–something?”
His lips curl up at one corner, exactly the one where the smear is. “Well, you will have to tell me more if you want something, angel.”
Can he stop with these nicknames already? Nobody called you that before and it made an unfamiliar feeling rise in your chest. You could feel your face burning and you knew he could tell. You frown at that, embarrassed. “Stop it” You mumbled to yourself but it was in some way mainly meant for him and you don’t immediately realize he could still hear you.
“Stop what?” He asks, confused but you knew with the look on his face that he is teasing you.
You sigh. “Nothing…” Playing along and to safe yourself from further embarrassment, you start to play with the skirt of your nightgown. “…whatever there is available.”
You starts again fidgeting in his presence but this was totally normal now it seams. You really do become aware of how much you can’t speak freely to new people, so used to the small circle you had. Oh, how you missed them but you do think that if Mia knew at least with who you’re spending your time with, she would be absolutely delighted for you. You dream about having at least enough confidence to speak without any fear of how the others would perceive you but on the other hand, you really didn’t think twice before talking. Like now.
His lips which had your full attention parted to maybe again say something teasing in his sultry voice of his but your thoughts were already flying from your mouth before he could even get a sound out. “Why is there blood on your mouth?”
There is silence after that, watching how the warmness in his eyes slightly dimmed. You’re always asking such questions — you do know why. It was just a small thought that you should have kept to yourself. He looked at you with a small pointed look, not knowing how to answer because it was so obvious. Yes, it truly was. However your mind sometimes likes to blur the fact that he really feeds from blood and blood only. Such a fairytale — perhaps nightmare he is, you still can’t wrap your head around it.
His eyes linger on yours while he swipes the blood from his lips with his thumb, his movements little too slow to not be intentional. The fact he then wraps his plump lips around the digit is definitely on purpose. Your own parted into a silent gasp, feeling your heart, hammering against your chest from his actions.
You think that maybe he was a going to say something again or take a challenging step closer to you but your little moment was interrupted by a set of quick footsteps with heavy breathing. You both turn to your left to see a young woman, coming from the hallway, stopping for a second as she jumps at your appearance. Your eyes travel from her scared eyes to her clothes, giving you a clue that she is one of the maids in this home but you definitely couldn’t look away from the blood coating her hand which was pressed into her neck.
Your heart broke a little as you connected the dots, flickering your gaze to Hyunjin. The woman thankfully didn’t stay for too long as she quickly disappeared from your sight. You do still look into her direction because you can’t look at him again. Maybe you are just exaggerating but to you this is a big deal. You don’t know if feeding from someone means anything to them — him but to you it does. Piercing someone’s skin with your teeth to drink blood which was your source of pleasure…It is no one of your business if he is with other women — or is it?
You could feel your face unwillingly scrunch up into a frown, you can’t hide that you are upset and somehow disgusted by this anymore. Hyunjin stiffened, the thick silence even for him too much to bare, tilting his head to meet your eyes and maybe make you see how sorry he truly is for you to see him like this, again. However you simply turn away more from him. Somehow he understands your reaction but he is not so sure why you would take it so deeply. It is a normal thing for him. He needs to feed after all, just under these different circumstances.
He calls out to you but you ignore him, pressing your lips into a thin line to appear, somewhat not too affected. Your lack of reaction makes him feel small — thinking carefully about the right words, so as not to make you even more upset or scare you more away from him. If you’re taking this so seriously so shall he. He didn’t even think twice about such thing but he has to keep in mind that you’re still new to this. “You must understand that I have to feed.” He says, sighing at your frown that you are trying to make as little as possible. “It means nothing—“
You look up, puzzled little with yourself. One side is telling you that this is alright and nothing is wrong with it but your other side is telling you the complete opposite. He wishes to be with you but does something like this? Something so intimate? You feel your own skin tingling at the thought of his teeth piercing your own very skin. Jealousy strikes you in the back of your head, showing you exactly why you so despised this. You don’t know for sure, if you want to be the one to give him blood but you for sure don’t like anyone else doing it. Is it so normalized to bite someone into their most sensitive places and drink from them? He looks unsure of what to do next as you only look at his face with emotionless expression but like he said — your eyes always gave you away.
“If you want this to work…I want you to stop feeding — atleast like this.” Maybe you don’t mind him feeding from someone but just not there…that only should be for you only. “It maybe doesn’t mean anything to you but it does to me. I know, I shouldn’t be asking you this, how to feed but to me it feels…intimate.” And erotic, you wanted to say but even this simply word, was somehow hard enough to get out of your mouth under his watchful eyes. Hyunjin stays silent a little more and not like you, he seems to think over his words.
“Alright…” He answered you, before his face falls so quickly into a frown that you almost missed it, but it wasn’t from your disagreement with his diet. It was simply because of the way you sounded out the words. “–are you saying, you want me to feed off you only?”
You should’ve known better, of course he just asked you that as it wasn’t already so obvious from your confession. Your hand flies to your chest, pressing your palm slightly where your heart starts to beat a little faster, your eyes big and eyebrows furrowed. “I-I…don’t know.” It really is quite a unique question to be asked, but you do ignore the fact that you already know the answer.
He blinks at your weak tone, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You say that a lot, but I know, you do know, Y/N…” He said, waiting a little before continuing, maybe to see if you would say something more, but you only look at him through your pretty lashes. He sighs at your expression, before tilting his head down. “I will stop feeding in the sense of biting.” You meant that you don’t want him to bite someone in their neck, but you are pleasantly surprised by his answer, so you stay quiet. “Now, I’ll bring you something to eat, it will be waiting for on the table outside of our room.” You shutter embarrassingly at that one specific word, coughing, to mask your shocked reaction. He didn’t make a move that indicated that he just heard your embarrassing noise of shock, but in his head he was smiling big. You thought that this conversation would still go on but you’re happy with how it ended. At least you’re not fully at each other’s throats. Huh, funny…
You are now the one with your lips left apart, words swirling in your head as he passed by you, his hand grazing so close to yours which was placed on the corner of the railing when he started to ascend down the stairs. Your nose is yet again, hit with his smell, wrapping around you like a duvet of the embrace you so needed. Watching him walk away from you, though didn’t feel like the other times and only after he disappeared from your line of sight, you walked back to yours and his bedroom.
────
It is been a long day, such a long day for you to just again drown in your thoughts. You didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day, simply spending your time on one of the couches, reading. The words however as the day slowly turned into night started to blur. From your exhaustion and also from the realization of the situation that will soon have to be dealt with. You look at the bed with a blank expression, because there couldn’t be a face for you to express with all the emotions you were experiencing.
As the sun set, you finally decided to open the heavy curtains, blocking, till now, your view of the outside. You could have opened them sooner, but you didn't want to risk him getting caught in the sunlight — however, he didn’t come. You looked out the window, till you saw the sun disappear and the moon appear. Every day that passed by was so slow to you, but by that time the nature had time to bloom into its beauty. Everything started to get greener, more vivid — was the earth always this colorful? The warm, orange light tickle your skin that you almost felt like one of those creatures as because you got so used to the darkness. But you did start to see its own beauty — Hyunjin came late that night as expected and sleep didn’t creep up on you, till he arrived. Perhaps you were concern, but you don’t want to say that…
You were already in bed, body tucked under the heavy duvet and eyes closed, but you could tell that he knew, you were awake. He just simply chose to not say anything, maybe not to disturb you in your peaceful state, but inside you were shaking. He went to the bathroom and at that you were again thinking about how you two will share the same bed…
You have never shared a bed with a man before, even like this — you haven’t even been to a man’s bedroom till now! Was it fright that made your heart beat so fast? You know, he wouldn’t do anything to you, but still….or maybe you were just nervous. And not in a bad way it seemed. Your fingers gripped onto the bed as the every passing second, he spend more in the bedroom, became even more unbearable for you.
You waited for him to come back. A long time at that and you didn’t have a single clue that his long stay in the bathroom, was simply because he was nervous too. He, spend his time simply looking at himself in the mirror, thinking about how to calm himself down. Who would have thought that he could even feel such an emotion? To him, the time that he spend inside the bathroom wasn’t long enough for him to find the right courage to come back into the room, but it was long enough for him to think back to the moment you two shared.
Drinking blood from someone, became for him a daily thing, a normal thing, like for you to drink and eat. Till you said that — was he always this blind? He never thought of drinking from someone this way, but he knew of course that for humans it was different. He did feel the pleasure, but for humans it was out of this world almost, but you didn’t know that…You only said that it seemed intimate and he is thankful that you don’t know the whole truth about how a vampire bite feels for a human…What were you doing to him? It is been a long time since he second guessed himself like that. He became more careful with his moves, since you arrived, but he can’t lie that he still is a little reckless sometimes and just does what his heart desires and acts on his instincts.
Time flew past quickly, yet so slowly, but you couldn’t fight the hazy state you are falling into any longer. Your eyes closed a long time ago, but now the deep frown on your face started to soften. You felt your body falling, melting almost into the sheets and your mind became so quiet and peaceful that you didn’t have the power to acknowledge the silent creek of the bathroom door.
His slow footsteps blend in with your heartbeat in your ear. The old floor creaking under his weight, was the only thing giving him away. You hear the last creak stop next to the bed, hair on the back of your neck standing up at that. You could feel his stare on the back of your head that peaked out of the soft duvet. Being so sleepy, you didn’t feel your heart pounding that much, but you do wait anxiously for his next move, eyes wide set on his silhouette dancing in the candle light on the wall,
You feel cold air of the room piercing your back as the duvet is slightly lifted off you. You realize at that you basically stole almost all of it and in some way, it made you embarrassed simply because it were his own sheets — and also your nose unconsciously kept digging into them, filling your lungs with his smell. You don’t feel much bad because you knew he didn’t need anything to cover himself with. You wanted to give him more of it, but you only found yourself completely frozen as your whole senses heightened when you feel a dip in the bed.
The bed was big, but soft enough to feel how his whole body fell into it. When the only source of light is then blown away, you became highly aware of the body laying behind you. Was he watching you? Probably, like he always did. Your heart jumped a little as he rolled his body over and you just knew that he was facing your back.
His blue eyes watched your body and other than the small rising of your body when taking a breath, you were completely unmoving. He played with the edge of the duvet, that didn’t even cover a little of him. Pulling up the duvet, was a request for you to at least give him some, but as you didn’t even move an inch, he chose to sacrifice a night without it.
Few moments passed by and again you became sleepy, snuggling into the bed and missing another subtle shift of the body behind you. You don’t even feel him, leaning his upper body over yours. You don’t even feel the cold breath on your cheeks nor the cold radiating so close behind you.
He leaned over you, left hand keeping his upper body from falling onto yours. His other twitched in the air, just hovering over the length of your waist. He for a second couldn’t help but stare at your blissful state. From your red cheeks bitten by the cold, smushing almost together from your face being so snuggled into the pillow to your eyelashes fanning over your cheekbones, to your ruffled hair, creating a halo around you, till again his eyes fell onto your lips. They were puckered slightly, flushed just as your cheeks. You looked absolutely ethereal. He must say, he has seen you sleep before, but not from this angle nor this close. It was like seeing you from a complete different perspective — view of a lover, he wished to say.
But then, your so called blissful state was interrupted when you felt it — when you felt the weight of his arm around you, tugging you into him. Your eyes shoot open, heart almost jumping out of your chest, but you don’t immediately move away. You savor the feeling of him hugging you, the feeling of his body flush against yours. But as the coldness of his skin started to seep through the layers of clothes, duvet and then piercing through the warmth into you, you move away from him.
He didn’t hold you tightly nor forcefully as you jump to the edge of the bed quite easily. “I am sorry, I can’t…” You croaked, quietly into the darkness.
His head hanged low, already hating himself more from doing that, making you uncomfortable and just doing something without your permission. His nails teared through the material of the sheets as his eyes fell onto your still not turned body. “I understand.” He whispered back. He really does, but he thought that maybe, you could at least let him touch you like this, to just hold you. “I will sleep somewhere else.”
You only nod a little, eyes still looking into the darkness before you. As he got out of the bed, the coldness left with him and you realize that it truly was completely different from the one in the room. You listen closely to his footsteps, before you hear a muffled huff as he fell probably onto the couch. You feel bad for him to be the one to leave his own bed, but there probably wouldn’t be even a room for you to talk otherwise. You lay back down fully after a minute, his presence still known to you and at that sense of calmness washedover you.
His eyes reflected in the dark as he watched you again from afar. He saw how your breaths after a moment became even, body completely sinking into his bed. Closing his own eyes, the soft thuds of your heart, filled his ears. And that melody accompanied by the pictures of every moment today with you kept his mind occupied, till he felt his own need of sleep come over him. At least he has something to dream about now.
#hyunjin x y/n#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin x reader#hyunin#bangchan x reader#changbin x reader#felix x reader#han jisung x reader#i.n x reader#lee know x reader#seungmin x reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x you#vampire stray kids x reader#stray kids vampire au#stray kids x chubby reader#straykids x reader#stray kids fanfic#stray kids#hyunjin#hyunjin smut
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Grandpa said Austin is a City
Thank you so much for all your likes and rebloggs. I have just recently found my way into the fandom and holy smokes I'm super happy about it. I hope I can do this justice and you'll like what I've come up with.
This is the start of something, not a chapter story but I guess a one shot series featuring snippets from Austin's and the reader's life.
I tried to keep the appearance and description of the reader as vauge as possible, so you guys will be able to come up with your own picture for the reader.
Only thing that I picture while writing, it's a female reader, living in London with her british mother and american father, single mother of two girls Lottie (5) and Millie (3), and two years older than Austin. I wanted to explore that a bit.
Summary: Your daughter is curious about her father, knowing that you always had been the Three Musketeers but then you meet Austin in Hyde Park after your daughter has a run in with the ground. You know, you don't want a relationship, but friendship is a nice start as well.
Words: 3k
Warnings: fluff, some sware words, maybe a few tippos - if so, please let me know
Now with no further ado - enjoy. And please let me know what you think.
Feb. 2022
“Mummy?” Lottie, your four, nearly five year old called from the living area where she had been watching her favorite cartoons. You saw her gaze fixed on the TV, a family of four embracing as they finally found each other again. “Do we have a daddy, too?”
Taking a deep breath, you put the pan down you had just been cleaning. Moving to sit down next to her you were glad Millie was still down for her nap. “Of course, baby, but sometimes Mummies and daddies don’t work out, so there aren’t always two parents.”
“Do you want a daddy to help out so you're not alone anymore?”
Swallowing against the tight feeling in your throat, you pulled your daughter against your side. “What gave you that impression? I thought us girls were the Three Musketeers. Did someone say something at school?”
Lottie shook her head, her blonde curls swinging about her head like ringlets of spun gold. “Nope, but granny said we're a lot to handle on your own and that she'd love to see you have a man in your life again.”
Rolling your eyes, you brushed your hand through her hair. Of course your mother would love nothing more than the idea of a man in your life and the prospect of another grandchild. She loved your girls to death but sometimes she didn't know when to shut up. “Your granny doesn't know what she's saying. Sometimes she's just acting silly.”
“Well, I'd like a daddy someday. Lucy from school said she has two daddies. One is her real daddy and the other one is married to her mummy, but he's not her bi-bigolicl daddy.”
“Biological, honey, and well, sometimes that's how families work.”
Nodding her little head, she turned back to the cartoons and you were left with the aftermath of that conversation. Your ex had left you when Millie was a few months old and since then you were a single mother with two jobs.
Of course you’d want nothing more than a man in your life again, but most often the biggest problem was that they didn’t like you having kids so they didn’t want to be bothered with your plus twos, sometimes the guys were too young for you and other times men were just idiots.
With a sigh you decided to wait for Millie to wake up and take the girls outside. A stroll in the park might do them good and maybe you could have a talk with your own mother to keep these topics for herself.
“What's going on, darling?” Your mum asked, pushing Millies's stroller as you made your way through Hyde Park. The weather had been a bit better now in February, but still cold enough to freeze hands and noses off. You hated it, yet the summer heat of Texas was worse, so you were glad for the little miracles in life. Bundled up, you guys decided that after you'd have a nice cuppa near the Italian Gardens. Your mother loved their pastries.
“Why did you tell Lottie I needed a man?” Your eldest was running a few feet in front of you, the wool bauble on her hat wobbling with every step she took. “We were doing okay until now. She asked about her dad and you know I don't want to talk about him.”
She breathed out a sigh, grabbing your hand. “I'm sorry, darling. You know I didn't mean anything by it, it was just me being silly again.”
“Granny silly.” Millie squealed, throwing her little legs about with a laugh, clapping her hands in delight, though muffled by the gloves she wore.
“Yes, granny is silly, just wants your mummy to be happy again.” your mother said, juggling the stroller slightly to make her squeal some more.
You knew she was just trying to look out for you. “I'm an adult, mum, I can handle the girls and my job. I don't”
“MUMMY!”
Your blood froze, your head whipping around so fast you heard the bones in your neck crack. Lottie's cry sounded muffled in your ears, but your body moved on autopilot.
Your girl was up in the arms of a strange man, crying her eyes out and calling for you.
“Let go of my daughter!” Your call startled the man and he turned towards you. “I'm warning you, I'll be calling the police.”
With a look back towards your mother, you already knew she was just about to do that. Strangers were picking up kids left and right and you would not be the parent that had to file a missing person report for her five year old who was snatched Right from under your nose.
“Woah, jeeze.” He called, his voice sending shivers down your spine before your glare turned on him again, watching as he set Lottie down, putting his hands up in surrender. “I'm sorry, really, there's no need. I saw her fall and tried to calm her down when she cried.”
You pulled your daughter into your arms, hugging her tight and trying to calm her down, your eyes never leaving his face - although you had to admit, this guy had a nice one.
Deep blue eyes, angled jaw, dark gold stubble…
No, nope. Don't go there.
“You okay, baby?”
“I-I fell. And it hurt really bad and then-then Aus helped me up. But it h-hurts so bad and I just wanted you.” Her hiccups and tears made her body jump in your arms.
“Who's Aus, Lottie?”
Rubbing the tears from her eyes with a tiny fist, you wouldn't have been surprised if she gave you one of her famous eye-rolls before an exasperated sigh left her little mouth. “Him.”
You followed her pointed finger and looked into the face of the guy - well, probably man, but yeah - you yelled at only a few moments before. He held up his hand in a two lingered wave with a sheepish smile adorning his full lips.
“He said his name is Austin, but I told him that's a city in Texas. It's where grandpa’s from. So he said I could call him Aus.” She shrugged her shoulders.
Your lips pressed into a tight line, and yet ready to chew him out when your mother stopped behind you. “Oh darling, that was really nice of you. She's a bit of a know-it-all, thanks to her grandpa, isn't that right Charlotte?”
“Mum, really?” You shot a disapproving look at her, knowing well that it would only encourage your children more when your parents were giving them ammunition to be sassy.
“Grandpa said it's good to have a v-va-, ugh, know-it-all.”
The man chuckled and ran his fingers through his dark blonde locks and somehow that made your insides tingle. “It's alright ma'am, I saw her fall and just didn't know if her parents were around. Maybe I could invite”
“Nah, thank you.” You didn't let him finish because you knew how this was going to end. But your life wasn't a Hallmark movie and your mother wasn't allowed to swoon over him like you knew she would. “I'm really glad you were there to catch my daughter and help her out. But we got to go now and you're probably busy anyway.”
“Baby, hey, look what I found.” A soft feminine voice called from behind you and you raised your eyes at him like you had just stated a fact. The young woman flashed him a smile and slung her arms around his waist, fingers gripping the long black peacoat slightly. “Oh, hi. I didn't know you were talking with fans, baby.”
She was either a model or an actress. All gorgeous, tall, young, with luscious hair while you had stuck with your mom style, knowing there wasn't always enough time to look super gorgeous.
Yep, definitely model.
“We are not, well, my daughter fell and your, uh,” you stopped short, not sure how to address him, if they were married or only in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, so you played it safe like so many people before when you were still dating your ex. “Partner”
Yep, sounds super awkward but what the hell?
“rescued my daughter, she fell and we weren't fast enough.”
“Oh, I hope she's okay?” Concern laced her voice as she smiled at Lottie. Well, your first impression of her seemed to not be true, at least she wasn't stuck up like some others in the industry. “Maybe you guys can join us for a coffee?”
“Ah, n”
“I tried already, she said No.” Austin, as you knee him now shrugged, putting his arms around his girlfriend's shoulder.
Your mother sent you a disapproving look, brushing Millies's blonde curls back under her head. “It was nice of you to consider us, but the little ones need to get back home and we need to take a look at Lottie's knees. Maybe we'll see each other again and can get that cuppa as a thank you then.”
Oh how you loved her, your mother the diplomat. You knew exactly why she sometimes took the reins from you. You were brash and hot headed when you needed out of a situation and this was exactly one of those occasions. It wasn't that you wanted to be rude to him, not at all. He seemed like a super nice guy, but the last super nice guy that made your insides flutter ended up sleeping with his secretary and leaving you with your two wonderful children. So, you steered clear of them and wouldn't encourage any further confrontation, no matter how nice all these would be.
“Hm, yeah, I got to take a look at the knees, but thank you, usually people around here are a pit occupied with themselves.” Leaving no room for further discussion, you motioned your mother to move along and with a last wave at the couple made your way back out of the park.
Your mother tried to keep pace with you, moving the stroller with a sleeping Millie. She watched you carrying Lottie in your arm, her head leaned on your shoulder and your teeth worrying your lips. “You could have taken his offer, you know, acting a bit nicer. It's not like you'd have ended up in a relationship.”
“Mum, please. This is embarrassing enough for me. He’s there with his girlfriend, I don’t think she would have liked having coffee with another woman and her children.”
“No, probably not. But she offered and it wouldn’t have ended in another disaster like you are trying to paint right now.”
With a sigh you brushed your hand over your daughter’s back and watched your youngest sleeping in her stroller. You knew it wasn’t about the coffee offer or even about Austin. It was your own fear. The fear of taking a leap and getting hurt, your angels getting hurt in the end and you tried to keep any potential human away from them and yourself. “I, I just don’t want to spiral into this thing where I think I might have a chance one day and then get hurt again. I’d”
“You’d rather snuff out any kind of butterflies you might get, right?”
Your children were your priority and there was no way in hell that you would let them get hurt by a romance that probably had no future.
May 2022
“You're such a wanker, Trevor! You're supposed to pay child support, it's been four months and I still haven't gotten anything besides your dumb apologies. If you don't have the money, I'll have my lawyer get your ass into gear.”
You were fuming, your insides boiling from all the pent up anger and you felt bad for all the people around you witnessing the volcano inside your body erupt when your ex called you - again - to let you know that he was still lagging in the finance department and you'd get the money later than expected.
Turning to the lady at the counter, you sent her an apologetic look, hoping the other patrons in the cafe would be sympathetic to your display right there. “I'm really sorry about that, I didn't want everyone to have to hear it but, well, yeah.”
“Oh, I get it. My ex husband was the same before I sued him. Now he's as easy as a little lamb.” She chuckled, passing the to-go cup of coffee you ordered with a broad smile. “Hang in there, it's going to get better.”
Let's hope that somehow today is going to get better.
Giving her a tight lipped smile, you turned around to leave only to run smack into a broad body.
Oh no.
“Shit.”
“Fuck.”
Taking a deep breath, you turned your head up looking into those blue eyes you’d last seen a few months ago. Of course it had to be him, what were the odds.
Just that morning your mother had told you about the movie and that she recognized Lottie's Austin in the trailer. Now here you were, staring at each other in the Parcafé, part of the Dorchester Hotel. Your best guess was, that he was there on business and staying at the hotel but he was the last person you'd thought you'd run into.
Biting your lip you saw your much needed cup of coffee having spilled all over his shirt - that probably cost more than your rent - and running down his arms. “I, oh my, I’m so sorry.” Grabbing the napkins from the tray beside you, you started patting down his top half.
What a nice one it was.
Nope! Don’t go there, you’re in enough trouble already.
“Hey,” Austin’s hand stopped yours. “It’s okay, I’ll just get it cleaned. You alright?”
Blinking your hand froze mid wipe. “I-I, I spilled my coffee on you, not the other way around.”
He shook his head, his dark blonde locks moving lightly into his face. It felt like an eternity until you were able to look away. Grabbing your hand, he pulled you to the side letting other guests pass you after they complained about you blocking the entrance. “Hey, it’s fine but maybe now I can call you something else besides ‘Lottie’s mom’ when I talk to you.”
Fuck, why is he so nice? I can't get attached, damn it.
Pressing your lips together, you debated in just ignoring it but you remembered what your mother said before. Just because you're nice doesn't mean you'll end up in a relationship.
“I can call you sweetheart or darlin’ if you prefer that to me actually using your name.” His voice was low, soft and rumbled through your body as he spoke, making your skin prickle.
No wonder his girlfriend was so smitten with him.
You took a deep breath, lips parting and your body on autopilot leaned closer to him, ready to either answer him or kiss him, you weren't sure yet what you really were going to do.
“Yo, Austin! You ready to head out?”
“Damn it.” He turned, nodding at his friend before he gave you another smile of his, his blue eyes glinting. “Listen, tonight’s the premiere of Elvis, come with your girls and bring your parents. I’d love to talk some more.”
“Austin.” You choked, eyes widening at his words. “I don’t, is that even possible? You don’t need to do that.”
Smiling, he grabbed your hand. “No I don’t need to, but I want to. It’s going to be fun, I promise.”
Before you could respond, he already gave you his phone, asking you to put in your name. Thanking you with a kiss on your cheek and a promise to send you all the info you need, he walked out with the other man and left you standing in the café, the woman behind the counter giving you a shy smile. “Oh darling, you know, if a guy was looking that good and asking me to come to a party, I’d not hesitate and get dolled up for him.”
Sending her a tight lipped smile, you just nodded and left the café. Your mother was going to have a field day with that. And you guessed the girls would enjoy the music with your dad always playing Elvis for them whenever he could.
“Mummy, look! There’s Austin!” Lottie yelled, jumping happily when she saw the actor.
You had to admit, he looked amazing in the white suit jacket, undershirt and slacks he wore, smiling brightly as he entered the BFI Southbank with Tom Hanks and the director of the movie. Looking up, he spotted you standing off to the side. He excused himself and made his way through the throng of people and stopped right in front of your girls, crouching down to be eye level with them and holding his hands out for Lottie and Millie to take.
Gosh, is there anything he's not perfect at?
“Wow, look at you beauties. Your mom already said you were super excited to come.”
“Uhuh, grandpa always listens to Elvis and we usually watch Lilo and Stitch on the weekends so we can sing with him.”
You shook your head slightly with a smile on your face. They were so excited to be there and see the movie ever since your mother showed them the trailer to Elvis. “Austin?” He looked up at you, watching as your fingers knotted and relaxed with anxiety. Humming, the actor got up and grabbed your hand. It was nothing romantic, even though the look on his face could have easily been mistaken for something like that. “Thank you for inviting us. My father is super excited and the girls already love it so much from just seeing those posters.”
“I’m glad you came. You know I feared I scared you off today.”
“Well, I never thought I’d run into you again, but here we are. Seems to be some kind of fate.”
He smirked, putting his arm around your shoulder and moving the girls and you to meet the rest of the cast. You had to admit that you were glad to run into Austin, even though you always tried to tell everyone otherwise. He was a great guy, down to earth and super sweet. Somebody that was going to be a great friend for a long while.
Divider @cafekitsune
Tagging @fortheloveoffanfic
#austin butler x reader#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler imagine#austin butler#austin butler fluff#austin butler fanfic#rpf#reader insert#fanfic#imagine
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MHA Fumikage Tokoyami x Reader - Dangerous - II
Summary: After losing your quirk, you confide in Tokoyami that your situation does, in fact, bother you.
Warnings: Heavy angst, little fluff, reader has a specific quirk, vindictiveness
"My lark..." Tokoyami stared in awe at the glow of you. The length of your hair burned a brightly, even smoldering towards your roots. "Your hair..."
"My...hair...?" you repeated, dazed from the small make-out session. "W-What's wrong with it?" As you lifted your fingertips up towards it, expecting to feel straw like dead ends, your skin was bathed in warmth.
Your eyes blew wide, your hands running through the firey strands, laughing wildly with tears beginning to stream, down your face. Your quirk had suddenly reawakened, you didn't even know that was possible. "I-I have to find a mirror," you finally blurted, hopping up and darting back inside, making a beeline for the nearest restroom.
Reluctant to enter the female bathroom, and still bewildered by this whole situation, Tokoymai followed you, glancing around nervously to make sure not a soul watched him enter. He found you there, hunched over a sink, staring at yourself with amazement. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he witnessed your love for yourself be reignited, literally, as he stepped closer, drawing an arm around you.
"I've never seen you burn so brightly," he commented serenely, smiling down at you as you did the same to your reflection.
"Neither have I..." you confessed, making his heart sink a bit. "I always knew my emotions had some sort of influence on my quirk, that's why the color changes but I never knew I could do this..." Something awful was beginning to brew in Tokoyami's stomach, and try as he might, it was beginning to feel hard to be happy for you. "It doesn't matter, though," you suddenly chirped, tearing your gaze away from the mirror and beaming up at him- an innocent look that made what he was about to say all that more heart-wrenching. "I have my quirk back and I don't have to leave anymore, my family doesn't have to go into witness protection, I-"
"I don't think you should tell anyone about your quirk reawakening." He confessed sternly, immediately wincing away when your smile faltered into a look of betrayal.
"....W-What...?" You words tumbled over your lips and fell to the floor like bloody spit after having a tooth knocked loose. That was what this felt like, a punch to the face. "Y-You...want me to go?"
"No, of course, I don't," he protested, albeit rather weakly. "B-But maybe it'd be for the best..." He had more to say, but you weren't interested in listening.
"I thought you said you liked me..." you reminded, angry tears welling in your eyes as your roots faded to a furious red. "I thought you were supposed to be my boyfriend now or something?!"
"I-I do, and I am!" he stuttered, shrinking at the way his voice cracked and echoed against the tile walls. "I-I just think..."
"What do you think?!" You shouted, tears freely flowing down your cheeks now. You didn't even care to let him answer as you stormed past him, checking his shoulder on the way out. "Actually, better yet, save your fucking breath."
"(Y/N), wait!" he called, scrambling after you as you made a beeline for the elevator. "Please, let's talk about this!" He called, thankful that the party was in the next room and not there to witness the spectacle.
"I am going to talk about it!" you argued, stepping into the elevation, standing in front of the doors to give him a chance to apologize. "With Nezu. Now are you going to back me up or not?"
He gazed at you longingly, his own ruby eyes becoming glossy too as he ever so faintly shook his head, making your heart drop. "We should talk about this more. Your quirk is unstable and you could be a danger to others...to yourself."
With that word, his bed was made. Reaching up to your scalp, you tore out a tuft of hair before rolling it around him your hands, watching it come to life. "I'm sorry," you looked at him, hurt written all over your face.
"No, no don't," he pleaded, shaking his head with shoulders slumped, already accepting what you had planned. He'd seen it before, any other time you wanted someone to leave you alone. With a tear slipping down your cheek, you tossed the ball in his direction and it disappeared into his shirt, its little white eyes reappearing on his chest before swiftly shifting to the back of it. "Seriously, (Y/N)? You can't just possess my shirt and drag me away!" He argued, more irritated than anything. After all, the little ghost hadn't hurt him, and probably wasn't even capable of doing harm- it was you that did it.
Regardless of his protests, the back of his shirt lifted into the air as if there were a bird inside it, trying to escape. "Damnit, (Y/N), stop!" he cried as you stepped backward, letting the elevator doors slowly shut on the view of him stumbling back onto the ground.
"I'm sorry, Tokoyami..." you whispered to yourself, shedding a final tear before drying it up, sniffling. "But I'm staying at UA, whether you want me hear or not. I'll become a hero with or without you."
-----
By the time Tokoyami got his wits about him, you were already long gone, the connection of possession being severed by distance. As the tugging on his shirt began to fade, he understood you were too far for him to catch you, but instinct betrayed rational thought as he stood and pushed through the elevator doors as it came back down. Maybe if just ran really fast, he could catch up to you in time to talk some sense into you or to convince Nezu that this was a bad idea.
His boot tapped rapidly against the elevator floor as it lifted him up, anxiety boiling inside him like a kettle. "Fumi?" a staticky voice chirped as his quirk materialized form his chest.
"Not now," he responded sternly, not in the mood for any of Dark Shadow's nonesense at the moment.
"Why'd you tell her that?" The shadow persisted, refusing to be caged just yet. "You think (N/N)'ll hurt people?"
"I don't know," Tokoyami sighed, stare pointed at the ceiling as if it would will him higher any faster. "But it's my responsibility to ensure she doesn't."
"Why?" The question had caught him off guard, making his eyes snap wide and towards his friend for a moment before his resolve strengthened further.
'Because that's what you do you..." He paused as if he was unsure if even revealing the secret to a part of himself would spell disaster. "When you love someone."
"Awe, Fumi" Dark Shadow teased, nudging his beak against Tokoyami's shoulder. "You're such a romantic!"
"That's enough," the crow snapped, feathers puffed as a warning. "Go away, don't make me say it twice."
"You're no fun..." the thing whined as his form began to dissolve against his host's sternum.
After what felt like ages, the doors finally opened, and Tokoyami wasted no time darting into the hall and down the hall toward the principal's office. Four voices made him halt in his tracks, two male and two female.
"And you're sure this isn't some sort of malfunction?" A deep, tired voice asked skeptically.
"Not from what I can tell," The voice of an elderly woman responded. "Do you feel any different, sweeite?"
"No," a younger, energetic voice replied. "I feel better than ever! I feel great."
The raven's heart sank as it dawned upon him- he was too late. Forcing his steps forward, feeling as if the soles of his boots were hollow and filled with gravel, he listened in on the rest of the meeting. Rounding the corner, he could see the office now, and he could see you sitting in a chair across from the principal, your teacher, and the school nurse on either side.
"Well, if she can defend herself at least, there's no sense in sending her home," said the mouse, stirring a cup of tea. "I do agree her parents should still be moved, her being home may endanger them more. I think UA is the best place for her as of now."
"I agree," Recovery said, carrying on as if you weren't there. "I would be more comfortable conducting more tests on her, make sure she's really alright."
"My students work much better as a unit than they do separately." Aizawa chimed in, yawning to punctuate his sentence. "Taking one away who can fight for herself may impact the class as a whole. After what they've been through, what they need most is morale, taking one from the bunch won't do anything but lower that."
"It's decided then!" Nezu chirped raising his cup toward you. "I'm pleased to say that you will continue your training here at UA!" Releif washed over you and you let out a small laugh.
"T-Thank you, sir! You won't regret this!" You beamed, happy tears streaming down your cheeks.
"That isn't all, though," the headmaster said, cutting your celebration short. "As I'm sure you just heard, I am still going to have your family put into witness protection and for their safety and yours, you will not be allowed to know their whereabouts." Your blood ran cold at his order, but, understanding it was for the best, you nodded. "Furthermore, you'll be put through even more rigorous training and you'll be spending extensive stays with Recovery Girl until we understand why this happened. Is that a deal?"
"Y-Yes," you accepted, standing and bowing to them all. "Thank you all so much, I won't let you down!"
With that, the meeting was adjourned, and you were granted permission to leave. Turning to exit the hallway, you found Tokoyami at the end of the hall, frozen. You stomped over to him on your wave to the elevator, pointing an accusing finger in his face.
"You little snake!" you hissed in a whisper so the staff wouldn't hear you as they left the office and rounded the opposite corner together.
The crow was taken aback at the insult. He'd been called many things, but never a snake. Regardless, he softly took hold of your wrist in an attempt to pull you into him. "Dove, listen-"
"You have some fucking nerve, you know that?" you snapped, sure that the teachers were out of earshot. "You kiss me, say all this poetic mushy shit, call me dangerous, try to stop me from staying in the academy, follow me to my meeting with Nezo to what- talk him out of letting me stay? And then, you just call me 'Dove' and try to hug me? Are you fucking joking, Tokoyami!?"
"I-I-" he stuttered, hands raised defensively. "N-no, I-"
You couldn't conceal the sobs in your throat and you began to crumble in front of him, just for a moment. "You make me feel so loved and so hated all at the same time, you're just-" You pause, wiping tears away on your sleeve. "Just evil!"
'Evil', that word echoed in his head like a bass drum, shattering his self-worth, and yet through it all, you were still his dove. "D-Dove, I-"
"And you know what is so God damn funny about it all?" you suddenly asked, weeping as tears stained your cheeks. "I've never hurt anyone." You reminded him. "You've almost killed the people you love multiple times..."
He was hardly listening anymore, knowing all too well what you were about to say, instead focussing on the way your stance faltered and you leaned against the wall for support, the way your roots took on a deep purplish blue- a sign of your depressive state, and the way your tears glistened in the moonlight of the window against flushed cheks.
"Yet I'm the dangerous one...?"
#mha#mha x reader#fumikage tokoyami x reader#tokoyami x reader#fumikage tokoyami#fumikage x reader#tokoyami angst#tokoyami x reader angst
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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omg i spent the whole day cleaning my entire apartment because my family was coming to visit and 1) so so so happy my adhd is being medicated now it's literally changing my life and 2) i FINALLLY got through to my dad about how he probably has ADHD too!!!!! he finally said Yeah i think i might have adhd. and my mom was like Me too (we've had this talk privately before, she knows she has adhd too lol) And my brother is literally transferring to a different school because he can't concentrate and isn't disciplined at his current uni. adhd family.
#literally thank goodness my brother was here to like Perfectly describe in real time what happens to adhd people when they go to college for#the first time. there's less structure and you fall apart. i used that as an opportunity.#i've slowly slowly slowly been chipping away at my Entire family btw. i've finally convinced my dad that medication is a GOOD THING.#i said You know. there's a lot in life that you feel like you Have to live with. but being on meds has made life so much easier and happier.#and that's when my dad finally said it.#:^) sometimes i like..... think about my family and how complicated i feel because growing up was super tough with all of them but now they#are all better people..... and i can't help but feel proud because as much as it is ABSOLUTELY great job for THEM for getting there But i#also feel uhhh partly responsible because i was constantly calling them out for shit. not always in the best way#but always standing up for others and challenging them on their worldviews and just casually talking about more liberal (as in free. not#politically) things. yes i do feel like if it wasn't for me my family would be worse people#i KNOW one of my brothers would be because he literally told me so. and it makes me happy. it is proof that my life is worthy and i have a#good impact on the world. it doesn't have to be a big thing i do to change things..... because i believe in the Ripple Effect#my dad is a teacher and he uses the proper pronouns for his trans students without complaint now. that has a good impact on SO many people#the trans students and their classmates who hear their teacher respect them. my brother is no longer homophobic he's bi lol and#if i hadn't argued with him about what bisexuality meant bc he was Wrong when i was 18 and he was 16... i wonder....#my younger sister is one of the nicest kids i've ever met and i partly raised her. it feels great to see her be such a good kid#her best friend is a trans girl and when she first came out my sister was one of two people in their class who still wanted to be#her friend.#idk. just inspires me to keep being the best person i can be & always do what's right even if it makes people mad#bc no one can hurt me as much as my family has traumatized me (lol) and look what happened to them!! i didn't give up! and i see real change
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cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)
#dadbots.txt#starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it#and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold#Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday.#Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better -#- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately.#But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice?#Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more.#Back to pain relievers and heat ig.#Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross.#But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo#This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago.#But hey. You live and learn.#And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised#Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.#Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all.#Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened.#But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little.#There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc#So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow#December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all
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sundays are always. something i guess
#i feel like shit today lsjglshgkjf#salisha speaks#didnt feel like taking meds today bc i still feel a weird kind of guilt about it?#and i think this mostly comes from uhhhh spiritual people#so many spiritual people are always so rude abt ppl who take meds#like they dont directly say it but it comes down to them being like uhhh youre not spiritual enough bc you take meds#and i HATE THATTTT bc i like spirituality and all that stuff but so many people in that community are so fucking toxic lol#like thanks for the guilt you give me about taking meds and living a better life. that is so nice of u#its this feeling of me being weak and giving in bc i take meds instead of trying to live with it#but like i tried that and it just doesnt work likenkgjlsg no amount of meditation is gonna give me better concentration#and its also not gonna shut my brain off#hhhmmmm something about neurotypicals telling neurodivergents how to live their life i guess#it really doesnt matter what they think and if this helps me i should just do it and use it but theres still this feeling of me being weak#if i do start using meds again#and i dont know how to really deal with that#i dont think anyone is gonna read all this but if u did . thanks for listening i hope u have a great sunday ! <3
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it's funny, i spent extra on this trip to stay a forth night thinking it would actually let me relax. and like yeah, it certainly meant i didn't feel rushed, but... i really am looking forward to going home
#though maybe that's the point of a good vacation?#you go and have your fun and then you realize you actually enjoy your little life and get a bit homesick?#and then when you go back you're both a bit refreshed and also thankful to be back to your normal things?#idk. i haven't slept this well in months (thanks to the walls at home getting violent) but i also miss being home#i'm still a ball of anxiety but at least at home i know what kind of trouble happens around my apartment#here in the snow in the middle of nowhere i KNOW nothings gonna happen but at night every time i look at a window#i can't help but expect there to be a fucking face in the dark looking at me#at least at home it's just homeless folks in acute mental distress to worry about#i'd feel much better here with a guard cat like my old lady sady#when things DID come out of the dark she was always there at the sliding glass door ready to fight#it's funny that i'm even looking forward a little bit to going back to work on monday#with the unpredictability of the weather there's a slight chance i won't be able to go home tomorrow#if the roads aren't clear enough i'll have to crash at a hotel and wait it out#but i'm pretty sure it'll be fine#personal
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(vent cw sorry i ran out of room in the tags to say that. it’s illness-related anger as usual. content warning for medical everything)
im so fucking sick though. just in general
#and i am so tired of people acting like they know my experiences better than i do#stayed home from school today falling behind in everything couldn’t fcuking get out of bed and my dad said that yesterday my energy was up#so i’m obviously faking it today. like yeah yesterday i laid in bed for hours then came to your house and sat in a chair. saw me for 30min#you don’t get to tell me that yesterday i was feeling well because i fucking wasn’t and you have never noticed or cared#when i fucking passed out got a black eye from hitting my head on the way down. he didn’t fucking bat an eye#now i’m stuck awake because i have stomach pain and my heart has been pounding so loud for hours#and i’m trying to sleep and i need to make it to school tomorrow but i can’t#and i’ve been trying and i’ve been lying awake. and at this point i don’t know how to deal with this anymore#i get sick three times a month you’re supposed to be sick three times a year. this isn’t even counting days where i can’t stand#when i say i’m sick i mean i have sore throat congestion and sometimes fever. and it’s almost always a direct result of trying to live life#like i went to the mall thursday prom shopping. walked a few hours. woke up next morning sore throat runny nose couldnt focus on school from#all the pain in so many places and all of my regular symptoms just being escalated so badly. cant think can’t see cant stand#and that is messed up!!!! that is messed up!!!! and my mother tells me she finally agrees i need anxiety medicine#like hey thanks!! that’s helpful!! however!! why do you only endorse mental when it’s the only alternative to physical#why has my mom always denied viewing my anxiety as anything i shouldn’t just push aside. until it becomes a way to tell me that my physical#problems should also just be pushed aside. why is it so hard to get an audience with a doctor#ANYWAYS i have my stupid follow up appointment. this friday. i dont know how it’s gonna go down#i’m just going to tell the doctor how much it fucking sucks. i guess i’m going to ask for a referral to a neurology specialist in the cities#which will drive my family insane they don’t want to enter the cities to help me. but our clinic doesn’t have what i need#i might get the doctor to do a stress test on friday though if they can do that. but i want specific autonomic testing#and like yeah. i get that anxiety is in the autonomic system. part of fight flight freeze and what EVER i’m not trying to say it’s not!!!!#but does it occur to anyone that my heightened anxiety is one of several symptoms. rather than somehow being the cause#heart rate in panic attack sitting down is 120bpm. heart rate in normal brain walking down the hallway is 140bpm. it’s not my fucking brain#anyway i just need a doctor to actually fucking look at me. actually do the tests actually monitor. because it’s there if you look#but nobody cares enough to look and i just have to sit here falling behind in all my classes and not able to do my job that i love#and just wait for it to somehow get better when i’ve been like this as long as i can remember and maybe it’s worse now but it’s always been#there and everybody writes it off as me being lazy or not putting in enough work and maybe i would have been in sports as a kid if i could!!#people act like my fitness now is because of choices i made as a child but i have ALWAYS had worse reaction to exercise than my friends#and anyway i just. idk. sore throat and stuff is gone now but overall discomfort and disability is not. but i’m going to school cause i cant#keep missing it for health reasons just have to watch my heart go insane and do nothing. out of tags i’m sorry. i’m just so tired.
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It's happening
Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life
This is a vent, you have been warned
#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out#I don't know what happened nor what to feel#up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely#yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before#im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored#i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't#im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess#thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar#I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it#thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end#atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times#...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before#like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life#i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart#ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed#again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep#anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little#vent
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࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 02:33 P.M 」
based on this video. this idea has been rotting in my brain for some while :') dad gojo will always have a soft spot in my heart <3
a part of gojo's love entries
your baby’s first trip to aquarium was such a cute affair you were sure you wouldn’t forget anytime soon.
“waaa~” your baby’s eyes were gleaming with wonder as he gazed at the diverse array of colorful fishes above him, completely captivated by the view.
and your husband...
“aren’t they pretty, hmm?” satoru asked his adorable son with a grin, pecking his cheek and holding him snugly in the baby carrier against his chest, with a backpack of baby essentials strapped on his back.
he was the very vision of a domestic dad, and along with your son, who was dressed in a bear onesie, complete with two little ears, they made a really irresistible pair. even you couldn’t fault the crowd for staring at them.
“fwaa! waa~” your munchkin was squirming with joy, his tiny fingers stretching out towards the sight before him. satoru giggled, moving closer to the glass to give his baby a better view.
“look! that’s clownfish! and those wiggly flowers are anemone! and that is—”
he faltered at a fish passing in his view before deciding, “this— i don’t know, but it’s the clownfish’s friend!”
they are basically the same. your little boy and your husband, both of them clearly shared a brain cell as they happily pointed out different fishes.
“meh! hehe!” your baby babbled away, excited and incredibly happy in his father’s hold, and satoru too seemed to feel the same, as his eyes beyond that sunglasses crinkled.
“damn, my kid is so cute.”
suddenly he dived down and pretended to chew his pumpkin’s chubby cheeks, effectively making him squeal in glee.
and oh lord, the way your heart skipped a beat seeing that. it was so clear how much satoru adored your baby, and it made overwhelming warmth rush to your chest.
“he’s a good man,” an elderly lady beside you suddenly remarked, making you turn to her. “not many men do that for their kids.”
“he is…” you agreed with a shy smile.
“it’s a shame that you only have one baby,” the elderly man beside her—possibly her husband—added. “you’re still young and he is so good with them too.”
your heart swelled and would’ve already burst if it was possible. bashfully, you thanked the elderly pair as they went on their way.
and along the way, you received similar hushed comments and adoring looks—
“oh my! their baby is so cute!”
“how can such family exists?! the dad, mom, baby… all three of them are so good-looking!”
“such a hot dilf! can’t he divorce his wife and marry me instead? i’ll be his kid’s stepmother gladly!”
satoru pretended not to hear, but he clearly held back his laugh. you threw the school girl who carelessly blurted that a pointed look, making her scurry away.
and after the three of you were done walking around the aquarium, you stopped by the gift shop to get your baby his first fish pet.
your son suddenly became fussy, and satoru unclasped him from the carrier. “hmm? do you want mama?” he handed him over to you. “here, here~ mama wants to hold you too~”
as soon as your son was settled in your embrace, he giggled, and you couldn’t help but bounce him and coo. “do you have fun? you do, don’t you?”
it might not visible to others, but now satoru was staring at both of his reasons of being with literal stars in his eyes.
several years ago, he thought his life had stopped when his best friend negated his beliefs entirely, but you were there, holding his hand throughout it all. and then you married him— and then, you gave him a son to dote on.
you keep giving his life a new meaning. and he was thankful for that.
. . . meanwhile, you kept hearing whispers from a gaggle of girls in the next aisle, about how much of a dreamboat your husband in his blue shirt was and it was grating at your nerves so much that you pursed your lips into a total pout.
satoru thought you were the cutest, not even second to his baby, and he decided he wasn’t known for public decency anyway so he dived in and pecked your lips—dispelling any stray thoughts and making you flush in an instant.
“sato—!”
and before you could rebuke him, he whispered in your ear:
“so... baby number two, when?”
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