#if i do start using meds again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giverofempathy · 1 year

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sundays are always. something i guess

#i feel like shit today lsjglshgkjf #salisha speaks #didnt feel like taking meds today bc i still feel a weird kind of guilt about it?#and i think this mostly comes from uhhhh spiritual people #so many spiritual people are always so rude abt ppl who take meds #like they dont directly say it but it comes down to them being like uhhh youre not spiritual enough bc you take meds #and i HATE THATTTT bc i like spirituality and all that stuff but so many people in that community are so fucking toxic lol #like thanks for the guilt you give me about taking meds and living a better life. that is so nice of u #its this feeling of me being weak and giving in bc i take meds instead of trying to live with it #but like i tried that and it just doesnt work likenkgjlsg no amount of meditation is gonna give me better concentration #and its also not gonna shut my brain off #hhhmmmm something about neurotypicals telling neurodivergents how to live their life i guess #it really doesnt matter what they think and if this helps me i should just do it and use it but theres still this feeling of me being weak #if i do start using meds again #and i dont know how to really deal with that #i dont think anyone is gonna read all this but if u did . thanks for listening i hope u have a great sunday ! <3

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batfossil-fr · 25 days

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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

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mattodore · 8 months

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matthias looks cute here

#matthias gets to be cute sometimes as a treat #i think this is the cas version of my preset…? it doesn’t look so heavy so it must be #i’ve been messing with it but haven’t actually started using it yet #looking at the photos from this day in awe tho like i should use this version of my preset more often it's so pretty outside #also looking at this i'm pretty sure it's from that pose i made?#but anyway i'm already home so i'm logging out #......but yk i rlly should just post more of my screenshots to this blog like i have so many i take...#and i've started taking screenshots from the oc save again too which would be fun to share intermittently #i just let them do whatever while commentating so with sims that have conflicting traits like mattodore do it's............. a mess #very entertaining to watch tho <3 but anyway. i'm gonna go eat some food and edit a bit before my meds are ready at the pharmacy #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4

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lucyvaleheart · 5 months

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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 2 months

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That awkward feeling when a PIMI childhood friend sends you an invite to a party in the summer; but you know you’re going to be out of the cult and shunned by then.

What do I even say? Do I lie and say I’ll be there? Do I just not respond?

#exjw #ex jw #I’m not worried about this friend so much; I’m worried about the other friend #because the other friend has awful mental health and not many close friends other than me and maybe one or two other people #This childhood friend is acting very differently than how she did when we were close which could be completely normal #But she seems “spaced out” and very formal whenever I’ve spoken to her (though that could be the allergy meds doing that)#or maybe she knows through her parents through my parents that I wrote about her playlist of “inappropriate” music in my diary #and maybe she got grilled for it #It’s important to note that neither the playlist nor the YT channel were taken down. I can still find them #So maybe she’s not as “in it” as I think she is. But then again she did introduce me to her Bible study so… idk #Maybe it’s a situation of “I’ll take the husband; mom will take the wife; and you’ll take the daughter” but idk #I never had any Bible studies. I went on studies. I got a study shoved off on me when I was eighteen because no one liked her #for being “too much” and “needy” and “not following Jehovah’s guidance and using nicotine patches so she won’t die of a heart attack”#That was a barrel of fucking laughs #(I got reprimanded by the actual sister studying with her #for reading “what happens to your body when you quit smoking” articles to her and encouraging this woman to follow her DOCTOR’S advice)#But I’ve never started a study; nor has anyone passed off a study to me to keep #ex cult

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fakemagicjaye · 6 months

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I HAVE FIVE PAGES. LEFT. TO DRAW.

#i don't want to jinx it AGAIN but tomorrow........ i might have adhd meds #should the fucking stars align #vacillating wildly between #okay tangent but that “draft saved!” thingy that shows up ON TOP OF THE TAGS I AM CURRENTLY TYPING #DO YOU FUCKING MIND #anyway #vacillating wildly betweennn #there's no way you really have adhd you're using other peoples' struggles to justify being a shitty person #and okay time to draw i just need to look up every person i remember from elementary school on facebook #oh yeah name redacted has a beard that suits him so time to draw oh and name redacted IS cool even tho my shitty brother said he was like #a huuuuuge stoner well i didn't believe him anyway #time to draw i just need to find out if mika is on tour and if he's coming to canada and read his entire wikipedia page and time to draw #i just need to listen to his new song but the song youtube is playing next is not the vibe but i DO need to see a giant spruce beetle #not a cool giant beetle the kind that make a clicking noise and pinch you and strike a visceral fear into my heart #and i need to rewrite this later scene because i was thinking about it and thought of something better #and time to draw but first i need to write this tumblr post #this is because netflix doesn't have himym on there anymore #the concept of talking about himym ends all rambling bc i could talk about it for so long i don't even know where to start #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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theskeletoninthegarden · 5 days

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Broke: Goodneighbor is a hive of villainy and scum, fueled by the sickest desires of the wastes and a major output of the extreme influence of chems on the Commonwealth.

Bespoke: Goodneighbor is populated heavily by drifters, a majority of, if not all of which likely suffer daily from chronic pain, and mental strife as a result of lives, both long lived as Ghouls, and short as peoples born into a world that relies on the doctrine "kill or be killed" to get by. Self medication may be one of the few ways they manage these pains, and vilifying the use of these drugs, both used for recreation and to help them live rather then to simply survive, is incredibly ableist.

#personal #idk had a thought #a long drawn out thought #there are beds in the highest room of the state house for people to sleep in #a few outside where people lay there head as well yes #but are they sleeping in the mud like they do in diamond city?#can you imagine what jet is good for? anxiety depression?#med-x with it's pain numbing properties? psycho in how it can likely be used to start a heart again during surgery?#despite the horrible name ill admit #mentats and how ghouls could maybe use them to help deal with dementia?#you go into town and everyone is like are you a freak? welcome home #talk shit and get hit otherwise enjoy your stay #the mayor is around to shoot the shit whenever #i have feelings about Goodneighbor okay #if you show up saying anyone who uses deserves to be treated less then dirt #solely because of their substance use then we can't be in the same room #i wish they could go to a local pharmacy and have all of their bills paid for while they pick up a neat little prescription #but Alas it is the post apocalypse and the Institution can't be bothered to help recuperate the Commonwealth #i might be working on more goodneighbor world building because is fun

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i-want-docmartens · 5 months

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whatever helps you sleep at night at this point babe

#lets call it what it is?#because all parties let it go dormant FOR MONTHS #until you literally started going crazy AGAIN on the internet #not sure why you think everyones gonna sit around and let you act like a lunatic #but personally ive already paid my dues in hell and i wont be doing so again #bullying? (like that time you harrassed your best friend for going home)#or had your literal mother message me #or called me lazy for struggling with my depression #and in the same breath being upset over meds #i know it hurts ur feelings when we being up the 💩#so maybe you should leave us alone #not every coquettr bitch is me #but i guess ill be the representative for us all

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thethingything · 2 months

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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

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coloursofaparadox · 11 months

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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.

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togamey · 4 months

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im glad to see that my parents don’t adhere to the stigma surrounding mental health and were the ones that told me that its okay to get help on their own BUT i dont think they know that it doesn’t go away just like that…

#esp w my ocd. they told me it’s perfectly fine w them if i wanted to see a doctor but then ive been going for months and they’re like but #why u still have ocd 🤔 and i know that this whole thing is new to them and im their only child and im glad we’re breaking that cycle but #it kinda makes me </3 bc im trying to be better too and it feels like i have to rush the getting better process bc every time i tell them i #have an appointment they’re like but youre still not completely better…???? is the doctor even useful???#and every time i tell them that i myself feel like im getting better it feels like im gaslighting myself because am i really??? are the meds #really effective ??? like i can see tangible evidence of them being effective but at the same time bc of the constant idea they have that i #should be better already because it’s been months is starting to affect me too. but when i tell them that i think im getting better they’re #like okay well if u say so. it feels like they don’t agree but they’re saying so for my sake and i leave the matter at that and then the #cycle repeats over and over again and it kind of feels </3 because i feel like there’s something wrong w me that im not already 100% better #but i do appreciate them for taking the initiative in helping me so like i feel like i can’t complain about this……….#and when my mom shows literally symptoms of it while my dad passed on the anxiety genes to me… it’s like they both have it but became so #accustomed to it (touch wood n thank god it’s mild enough to easily handle for them) their whole lives that they think my ones is the exact #same…&:$837;)3&2 #mehak.exe

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moe-broey · 4 months

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Hhnghb

#FULLY MEDICATED AGAIN.#idk.... what to do...... i. want to do so many things. nothing is striking me at the moment though #i have The Pile (all of the ever-growing askr fam collection in my queue storage)#I HAD. SO MANY THOUGHTS. ABOUT VERONICA'S MAP. I WAS GONNA MAKE SOME POSTS ABOUT IT. AT LEAST HIGHLIGHTING SOME YHINGS #i was gona. post more of moe. and drop Some lore but mostly housekeeping #i won a little anya keychain plush at the arcade just to study her and use her as a ref. she is so cute.#i HAD a directing for the al/shari plush bodies but idk. if. i want to commit. i have no idea at thsi point #yesterday was SO fucked up i fucking meant it when i say you only start to feel the absence of meds day 2.#it's crazy..... like painkillers but for your brain..... like it's striking how i do have a lot of these thoughts/feelings #like all of the time but the meds just make them more manageable. put me at a baseline to sit w them better.#AH I WANTED TO BLEACH MY HAIR AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY ALSO PICKED UP MORE HAIRBLEACH #yesterday was so fuckinh stupid though like all day i was just spacing out and teary.#like ah ..... the horrors............ blinks so sadly and sheds such delicate tears. dude come on #inmy heart of hearts i HAVE to believe in askr meds exist and all you have to do is ask the right person/pull the right strings.#i have NEVER been a 'fix my disability' bitch. we are managing that shit. through treament and accomodations.#it's also just more useful that way to me. to conceptualize and also to make peace w it.#like it has a feedback loop effect to it. through writing i'm inevitably sorting through thoughts/feelings #that WILL be relevant to my day to day life.#i think.... i am starting to feel a little better....... i just lack direction.

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daz4i · 1 year

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i don't mean to alarm anyone but i think I'm genuinely losing my mind more and more each day

#like no longer in a ha ha funny way. I'm just losing my grasp on myself and feel fundamentally detached from life itself #it's not new it just hurts more now. i feel like an animal and not in a good way #maybe i need to change meds again. but. idk if there's even anything left i haven't tried yet ajsjftjgjh :/#i am genuinely just... not meant to be alive... there is nothing in the world that can help me at this point #(eh 'at this point' implies smth once did but that's wrong too. nothing ever helped at all! it's been over a decade since i started -#- getting treatments for my mental illness! i think at this point it's just doomed. what's the use.)#i wish i wasn't so terrified of pain. i want to die. i want to try to kill myself. but I'm scared of not dying after i do. I'm so tired #I'm just so so tired of existing. I'm in so much pain. i wish i was never born #i hate my parents for bringing me into this world and i hate myself for not killing myself earlier #vent #suicide //#ask to tag #liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com #sorry for being dramatic. everything is bad but my brain especially is

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tj-crochets · 1 year

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Hey y’all I know pretty much nothing about...dang it I don’t know what the branch of science is called. Archaeology but for animals? Paleontology but not for dinosaurs??? Biology but for things long extinct???? anyway to make a long post short: I want to make a like beanie baby version of a sabre tooth tiger, possibly a sabre tooth tiger cub. Can you please share any sources you know of that show what sabre tooth tigers are believed to have looked like?

#I should know this I am friends with an implausible number of archaeologists for someone who is not an archaeologist #turns out the reason I've been kinda out of it this last week might not be that the new manufacturer of my meds made them in a shape #that cannot split evenly and resulted in a slightly different dosage every time #it might be that I am mildly allergic to the inactive ingredients that manufacturer uses #so. that's fun. I have the old version of meds back and am doing MUCH better #but still not back to 100%#and now I get to call a pharmacy again and ask if there's any way for me to get a list of the inactive ingredients #so I can start narrowing down which thing is messing me up lol #before I have any tests done that these meds affect I am supposed to be off them for at least a full day #preferably two weeks. So I'm assuming I'll be most of the way better tomorrow #and fully back to my normal within two weeks #probably sooner! probably only the active ingredient lasts that long #who knows though. certainly not me

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trauma-trove · 7 months

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I hate that I'm held at social gunpoint to never EVER be anything but picture perfect niceness while doctors and nurses bully me and treat me like shit. It drives me insane. I tried being transparent with my last nurse about how my dietary problems, thyroid probpems, and chronic pain treatment was really going to interfere with a procedure and that I wanted to schedule it AFTER my other appointments and procedures. She told me "well, I can't do anything about that. The doctor wants it done." I tore the instructions she gave me right in front of her. They were salvageable. I could tape them together. But she looked at me like I called her a fucking slur.

"Oh but think of the doctor/nurse/receptionist you're doing that to! Every time a patient loses it, more medical practitioners leave the field!"

I.

Don't.

Care.

You're DOING this TO ME. I have the right of being the victim here. If someone is pushed and forced and coerced and bullied and assaulted enough times, they have a right to treat their offenders like shit.

I'm fucking sick of it.

#medical tw #tw medical abuse #vent #now im curled up on my bed in tears because THEYRE NOTHING IM ALLOWED TO EAT!!!#i cant use ANY of my pain meds and im in so much pain from my esi #and as usual the list of okay foods they gave me is reduced even more by my usual restrictions.#ive been having a migraine all day because i had to fast for my sedation. and now i dont even get to medicate for that once before #having to hold off for four more fucking days so i can fast and be sedated AGAIN.#they gave me fentanyl because i cried at my esi today because the pain was that bad.#and now i just have to sit here. and hork down slimey lunch meat and frozen fries so i dont fucking starve.#and my period started again after only 10 days because of the thyroid stuff.#and my gp is REFUSING to do ANYTHING for my thyroid at all and my psychosis is bad and i feel like shit all the time #i took 1 month off no appointments or anything and it didnt fix anything because i STILL am FORCED to do unnecessary and GRUELING shit #all so closed together with no recovery time because that stupid nurse does not fucking care about me. she doesnt.#so when i call her after the fact and chew her out and tell her to cancel all my appointments and that im going elsewhere.#its what she gets.

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awek-s · 7 months

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sorry but the way a single interaction w my mom ruined any kind of progress I made this week is insane

#I started taking my meds again for one #she walked in the kitchen after work today and immediately proceeded to tell me I did everything wrong and basically made me feel so fucking #stupid. all I’m doing is tryna do something nice and cute for this stupid holiday bc everything else in my life is falling apart #but I should be used to it I mean just a few weeks ago she essentially admitted she thinks I’m doing nothing with my life #even though she uses me for photo ops and as a way to get attention from her coworkers and friends #bc she LOVES to brag about me she adores it even #but behind closed doors it’s ‘how can I put alex down today?’#misgenders fatshames tells me I’m lazy despite having almost 3 degrees doesn’t take any of my medical issues seriously #even tho she’s the reason I went so late before I got diagnosed (she doesn’t want a sick kid! how Tragic for her)#I’m TIRED like I’m tired of not being able to do anything right ??? and like I’m sorry I know there’s more important things going on in the #world right now but my irl stuff was such a non issue for real alongside it and now it’s like #all of the ideation is back I feel like. yeah what is the point in doing anything I don’t do anything right anyway #sorry I’m just. venting #mrow.org

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