The Mulder Family In-Depth (Part I): Colony and End Game
Bill and Tena (not “Teena” because of a Two Fathers script I read that spelled it that way, thanks @x-files-scripts for posting them~) Mulder are “two complicated, flawed, beautiful people” that deserved a deep-dive of their own. In doing a frame-by-frame, however, I discovered there was more than meets the eye to their character; and, slowly, one post turned into who knows how many. So, without further ado, let’s begin.
Pilot
During their first case, Mulder stops being a jerk to his little spy when Scully shows up at his motel door, shaking and scared. After the dust has settled and all is calm, he opens up about his sister’s abduction and the fallout it had on his family: “I was 12 when it happened. My sister was 8. She just… disappeared out of her bed one night. Just gone, vanished. No note…. It tore the family apart. No one would talk about it. There were no facts to confront, nothing to offer any hope.”
The only one who seems to have found hope and comfort from the past is Mulder, who goes on to explain how he found the X-Files and used hypnosis to recall his sister's abduction. He never mentions what his parents' thoughts are about this path he has taken; and doesn't bring them up again for a long time.
Aubrey
The first memory Mulder relates of his father is in Aubrey as he and Scully bat the likelihood of genetic predisposition back and forth: “Whe-when I was a kid, I’d have nightmares and I’d wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was the only person in the world. And I would hear this--” crunching down on a sunflower seed to illustrate-- “My dad would be in the study eating these.”
This was obviously comforting to a young Mulder, likely stretching to a time before Samantha’s abduction when his family hadn’t fallen apart yet. (It also ties into the discussion on insomnia later in this post.)
Colony
Mulder and Scully are interrupted from their mytharc quest by a summons from Skinner, who relates that Mulder’s father had been trying to contact him all afternoon.
Mulder runs to the basement to call Bill Mulder back; and is shocked when Tena picks up. As she passes the phone off to her ex-husband, Mulder shifts his cellphone nervously to another hand. His nerves are only heightened by his father's cryptic answers-- "I received a very strange phone call this afternoon. I called your mother. We think it is extremely important that you come up here as soon as possible.”
It's important to note that Bill tells Mulder that both he (which he denies later) and Tena wanted their son to "get up here"-- the up-here meaning Tena’s house in The Vineyard. What’s interesting about that is: Bill has not separated a meeting place with his son from his former wife’s house, all three of them taking for granted that they’d meet at Tena’s. It’s such a blurring of boundaries and lines that it’s easy to see why Mulder blurs those boundaries constantly with Scully, modeling his parents’ separate-but-not-really relationship.
Mulder has shifted in full-blown panic while Bill continues to dodge questions-- “I’ll know more when you get here”-- and hangs up, much to Mulder’s frustration.
Mulder leaves immediately, dumping the investigation in Scully’s lap.
When he arrives at the Vineyard, Mulder is stopped from walking inside by Bill on the porch-- “Your mother needs some time.”
Mulder goes in for a hug naturally, implying that at some point hugs were a tenuous normal between them, at least in times of crisis.
When Bill swiftly blocks his attempts with a hand stuck out for a handshake--
Mulder is aggrieved, but accepts it.
He is further pushed away by the distance Bill places between them: “SHE wanted you to come. It’s a difficult time.” He almost implies that Mulder was invited up because Tena requested it, not because he wanted his son there.
Bill Mulder appears distant and cold from the first moment we see him. The invitation and longing seems to be, by his own words, from Tena; and Mulder’s emotional outreach appears to be personally undesired and refused.
However, it’s incredibly important to note his facial expressions and relaxed posture whenever Mulder isn’t directly looking at him;
because, once his son has been redirected away from scrutinizing, Bill’s real feelings slightly bubble to the surface: he’s nervous and unsure. His smoking seems to be a distraction or a crutch as he tries to relate his jumbled feelings about the whole affair:
“The certainty. The calmness-- a comfort that allows you to move on. We bury our memories so deep after all that has been destroyed… never expecting--”
Here Mulder cuts his father off, having observed his mother through the window talking with a woman and roughly wiping away tears with her handkerchief:
The first time we see Tena is as a dynamic woman: her hands are traveling all over her scrunched up face, expressing intense emotions through her jerky movements and mile-a-minute talking.
Bill reveals that the woman is Samantha, with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. (And, though the music is swelling menacingly and not painting him in the best of lights, in retrospect he isn’t menacing or smug: just… processing the shock in his own way.)
Tena is wide-eyed, amazed, bewildered, and hopeful when her son walks in the room.
After a night spent talking and processing, Mulder takes an active role in putting Tena to bed:
As he settles her in, Tena reflects: “After all those sleepless nights, I can hardly keep my eyes open.”
Mulder pulls her down gently, turns out her light, exhaustedly tries to softly soothe her for sleep-- "Well, you're exhausted. We all are. It's after 5:30."
Tena response? “Oh, I just need a couple of hours.”
She continues to comply as her son reiterates “Try and get some sleep", settling more firmly against her pillows and watching as he tucks her in, turns out her light, gives her a kiss, and begins to close her shades.
This interaction is CRUCIAL in the early stages of Mulder and Tena’s relationship dynamic:
1. Tena is afflicted with the same insomnia issues as her son. In fact, the two of them demonstrate an underlying rote awareness and second-nature routine as he becomes her caretaker-- pulling back the covers, settling her pillows, and guiding her into bed-- and she a compliant but wired patient-- “Oh, I just need a couple of hours”-- after having spent all night talking and enduring an emotional upheaval. (Insomnia doesn’t seem to simply be a post-traumatic response connected to Samantha’s abduction: Mulder states in Aubrey that he would be up late, or wake from a nightmare, and hear his father comfortingly cracking sunflower seeds in the study. Since these memories are from early childhood, it’s hard to speculate how late Bill Mulder’s habits were in comparison to a young boy’s bedtime.) At the very least, Mulder and Tena seem to have bonded over their terrible sleep routines. That would also explain how Mulder is a natural at tucking Scully in or letting her sleep on his shoulder.
But most importantly:
2. Tena and Mulder have an emotionally open relationship (or did until Demons.) Most often I find theories, meta, or fics depicting Tena as cold, aloof, or withdrawn; but this firmly establishes that she has no qualms talking about her vulnerabilities with her son. And furthermore, she has done so in the past, often enough that Mulder takes her declaration as a fact that doesn’t faze or surprise him. It explains Mulder's comfortability with emotional expression-- wide-eyed in his earnestness to not only help Scully heal in a crisis, but to empathize with victims and the downtrodden. It also explains why he gives so many forehead kisses and comforting hugs: he expressed his love and care for his mother in those ways, and she likely did it for him as well when he was small. It seems, however, that since Samantha's abduction the role has solely fallen on Mulder because of how effortlessly they fell into these heartfelt but wonky dynamics.
Before Mulder can leave, Tena pops back up and asks fearfully: "Fox, it is really her, isn't it?"
Mulder smiles, tired but content; and replies: "I don't see who else it could be."
Tena is not very reassured;
but she trusts her son and his instincts. When he further admonishes her to "Go to sleep", she sinks back on her pillows
and obediently closes her eyes against the worry.
As demonstrated, Tena and her son’s relationship is heavily baked in trust and trauma. She obeys his every word, clings to his every assurance, leans on him more than he leans on her. It’s a credible reflection of Mulder’s insanely trustworthy character: so many people rely on him and trust him on his word alone-- his mother, Scully, Skinner, TLG, even acquaintances and informants-- willing to put their jobs and their lives at risk to stand by him. Because Mulder is pure Truth: he lives by what he seeks.
Now: does this mean Tena is a compliant wallflower who does the bidding of everyone around her? No. Her stubborn, tough-as-nails nature will be explored in a future post about Talitha Cumi.
Regardless-- thus ends Colony.
And thus begins--
End Game
After the loss of Samantha (who no one knows is a clone at this point), Mulder leaves Scully on the bridge with an ominous parting statement: ”I already told Skinner, that was the easy part. Now I gotta tell my father.”
This is when Bill Mulder’s true nature is revealed: emotionally disconnected and harsh to protect against the scars of trauma.
Bill arrives at Mulder’s apartment with an expression much more open and, perhaps, optimistic than he had on their previous meeting.
He even starts the interaction by teasing his son-- “You didn’t have me come all this way to give me good news”-- which is a fascinating window into how Mulder developed his sense of humor.
The fact his dad is so cheerful and trusting is a further blow to Mulder, who had seemed to recover his family in one night only to lose it himself, again, in the next.
Bill sees that disaster lies ahead, donning the armor of stern anger to smoke out the truth. His son has become a suspicious character to interrogate and correct.
Mulder turns back-to, shakily explaining: “Samantha’s gone… Dad. I lost her.”
Bill pauses for a couple of heavy seconds, baffled, unable to wrap his mind around that thought.
When it clicks, he begins speaking rapidly-- “what do you mean ‘you lost her’?”-- taking swift steps into the room. For a split second, raw, vulnerable fear and hurt is written all over his face:
Mulder keeps silent for a stretch; but finally explains that his partner had been held hostage and Samantha needed to be exchanged. While he is fumbling with his words, his father’s eyes begin to glisten, and his mouth becomes more and more pinched to keep back the emotion.
“You let this man take your sister? …Isn’t that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“I… can’t explain it to you”-- Mulder pleads-- "But, um, I believed I was doing the right thing, Dad.”
His gestures are unsure: hand flailing as he tries to grasp an explanation, eyes averted to the floor, head bowed, shoulders hunched. Bill reads this all as guilt of thoughtless action, which turns to useful anger he can use to blockade off his feelings.
As Bill perceives it, his son’s actions have hurt him deeply, and lost Samantha for possibly the last time. Despite knowing how dear she was to the family, his son traded her for the safety of a work partner from (likely) the very people that had taken her in the first place. Bill sees this as reckless, and harshly punishes his son like a child who has killed a little bird in his careless actions. Chastisement has become the modus operandi.
“Was this your decision?”
Those words will haunt Mulder to his dying day...
(or would have if Samantha had not been a clone.)
“Yes.”
Bill Mulder was a military man; and you can tell he trained his son by those hard standards as well. He stands erect before his father, shouldering the blame and answering his commanding officer with a direct affirmative. But at the same time the little boy peeks through--trying to protect himself by tucking in his chin and manfully facing his punishment instead of slinking off into the corner to cry.
And like a little boy, he tries to show his father he's learned how to be good and take responsibility for his actions: “I’ll tell Mom.”
Bill continues his correction speech: “Do you realize what losing her again is going to do to your mother?” His barely restrained tears give away his true meaning: Do you realize what you’ve done to me?
While he expects straightforward honesty from his son, Bill himself practices deception by avoidance. He cannot bear to peer into the darkness of his own emotions and pain; so, he deflects them by projecting onto Tena.
When Mulder falters and doesn’t answer, Bill’s thinly held anger seeps through with more his clipped, uptight inflection:
“Do you?”
He is exuding more outwardly forceful control because his own has internally slipped.
Here it is demonstrated how alike and dissimilar father and son are. They both protect Tena in their own steadfast ways, but in very different ways. Mulder comforts and soothes her distress while Bill tries to guard her from the pain by wrapping her in protective layers from the outside world. He is angered that an unavoidable heartache was brought to her doorstep because it’s another home he couldn’t keep the conspiracy out of, following her even when she had tried to escape from his connections by leaving him. You could easily make the case that Bill is still in love with Tena-- whether it’s in a fond, by-gone-days affection bred by guilt or love that couldn’t be revived after the horrific loss of his family (similar to what Scully and Mulder went through during their breakup years.)
Mulder tries and fails to compose himself as his face crumples and his voice cracks: “I’m sorry, Dad. I-- I’m sorry.”
Bill turns abruptly to leave, overwhelmed; but pauses when he remembers the envelope left by Samantha for Mulder.
“Your sis--” his face softens, almost cracks;
then hardens as he copes by distancing himself as quickly as possible-- “...Samantha left this at the house for you.”
Mulder's anguish overcomes him again at the thought of a posthumous letter from his sister;
giving Bill ample time to retreat, slamming the door behind him.
This next part is still relevant, as it demonstrates Mulder's coping strategies he learned from his parents.
Mulder softly grasps the letter, expecting it to be a heartfelt note; but is surprised to see she'd written cryptic instructions that leads to an abortion clinic. He immediately turns tail and flees from his emotions by running headlong into his quest for answers, uplifted he can distance himself from the bog of guilt and head towards more active salvation. He may have lost Samantha; but perhaps he can redeem his failures with the Truth. He sees hope in that.
Thus ends End Game.
Thank you for reading! I will be adding more parts in future; but that might take a bit. In the mean time--
Enjoy!
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Hi! I'm on anon because I'm a little shy. I'm 17 and struggle with incontinence. I relate to a lot of your posts because I am also autistic and incontinent and special needs. I haven't been able to use diapers in my teenage years, sadly. But I have some money right now and can buy my own first adult diapers. Do you have any suggestion for a first adult diaper? A particular brand or something like that? I have heard ABUniverse is good, but I don't have much experience with this and I don't want my experience with it too be a bad one. Thank you for reading and have a nice day!
Hi! I am glad to hear that you can relate to a lot of my posts.
You mention struggling with incontinence. Have you talked to a doctor just to rule out potential underlaying conditions? I understand how you feel about being super shy because I am super shy myself.
Once you ruled out any potential underlaying causes, if you want to wear adult diapers, there are an incredible selection of great products to consider, depending on what you are looking for in absorbency level, plain white or printed ones, and of course, budget.
Plain white: Northshore MegaMax, AM PM Forsite, NRU Str8up, Incontrol, ABU Simple are in my top suggestions. Abri-Form M4 (Medium) or L4 (Large) are affordable and remains a good classic, one generation behind the newest ones with better absorbency and refastenable tape zone.
If you prefer cloth-like diapers, they let the skin breathe more, but many brands have the same issue with the tendency for diapers and tapes to stretch out and make the diaper become loose and more exposed to leaks.
If you are looking for the RollsRoyce for absorbency, I suggest the Trest Elite diapers. They are the world’s most absorbing diapers without any booster pads or stuffers added. They are expensive, but they are lasting much longer, which means using half of the amount of diapers. At the end, they end up being less expensive than most brand. My only advice would be to always add baby powder in those, and not wear them for longer than 12h when wet because it gets hard in the skin, and it’s better to change frequently and keep a healthy skin with proper hygiene.
If you want printed diapers, all the ABU diapers are very good. Most Rearz ones too, NappiesRus (NRU), Northshore Megamax have cool colours too. Forsite is more affordable, but not easy to get in USA as I heard. My favourite ones might not be other’s favourites. But I personally love the Megamax, Rearz Safari and Alpaca, ABU PeekAbu, NRU str8up blue and lil rascals.
If you are looking for pharmacy diapers, they are not necessarily the cheapest due to the monopoly of Tena on the shelves, offering thin diapers that will suit persons with mild incontinence. Tena is offering much better products in Europe and Oceania than what we find here in North America. Pharmacy brands are generally not the latest generation of diapers. They are handy in case of emergency, far from the best. Tena Super is what seems to be their best, cloth-backed only. The Tena Maxi slip are much better, and they are generally not available in the pharmacies in North America, but they can be ordered online at some incontinence supplies stores.
I suggest that you order directly from companies instead of distributors and resellers for better price.
Today, the market of incontinence supplies and ABDL diapers is blooming! There are so many good diapers, I can’t mention all of them here.
I hope my advices will help you choose the right product that you will like, and will suit you well. At first, I would suggest that you buy samples to compare the fit and comfort because there are some differences from one brand to another.
Alex🦸♂️
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