Time passed, feelings lapsed, everything changed.
But nevertheless part of me will always linger in a particular time and space we held close to our hearts. A time, long before today. When you and I first learned to love, when you took my breath away— a time that doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, sweet moments between you and I are concealed deep in my memories.
And here we stand, grown.
Amazing how the years changed us, aged us, differentiated us.
We don’t know each other now, I know enough about you to not want to.
I know we aren’t anything alike anymore. That the memories of our love, the memories I clung desperately to, would be spoiled by the us we are now. Every memory preserved in its perfect entirety, would lose it’s young naivety. The wonder I remember in your eyes would be lost forever if I see tears fill them now.
And maybe I’m just selfish, but the way I remember you is exactly how I’d like for you to stay —because in my memories you’re preserved. You; the person who taught me love and laughter, self appreciation and earth-shattering sadness.
A boy who gave me the keys to my own heart, dared me to fall, took me to the depths of unrequited love, and let me drown in the beautiful delusions we made up together.
I was dumb, numb, and hated myself more than anything, for allowing our love to override and overthrow all logic, all caution. Shattered in the memories, I romanticized everything we were and rebuilt myself on the feelings of love you had once taught me. You stayed romanticized for years, the best parts of you on repeat. Tearing me apart that I wasn’t enough, I wondered if I could ever stop seeing you in my dreams.
That was until we ran into each other.
My heart didn’t stop like I thought it would. I didn’t crave any part of what was because immediately, I realized our differences were inevitable. How utterly unavoidable our endding always was, and how naive we were to dream of forever together. Looking in your eyes, I saw a thousand ways we would’ve ended. And with sadness in my heart, I knew without a doubt we were never meant to grow together.
Knowing that alone would break me then, but now, I see it for what it is.
And I can’t fathom to realize that with you, to talk about it with you, because I can’t let our once-upon-a-time love soften.
I can’t let the same pain that crippled me, bead off your bottom lashes. I can’t let tears form where I never had seen them before.
Because once upon a time, we ended in your indifference, and I mourned not being enough. But you learning neither of us would ever be enough… I could never hurt you in that way. Breaking your heart now would shatter me, yet again.
So I keep my distance.
And I keep our memories, preserved in their perfect entirety.
And I will forever think of you fondly.
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Any time Eddie reaches for Steve's hair, Steve stops him. Whether it's when they're kissing and Eddie wants to bury his hands in it, or something more casual, like when Steve is sitting in front of Eddie while they watch a movie and Eddie idly tries to play with it
The moment Eddie's hands start to stray backwards from Steve's face, or upwards from his shoulders, Steve stops him. He's actually grabbed Eddie's hand midair once
Everyone assumes it's because Steve's hair is Off Limits
It's actually because Eddie keeps forgetting he's wearing his dumbass chunky rings and they once got so tangled in Steve's hair that Eddie had had to slip his fingers out of them before he could actually work them free, and now Eddie isn't allowed to touch Steve's head unless he takes the rings off first
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