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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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and thus begins my ac0sf recap. part 1 will cover the intro (it’s not labeled, so not sure what else to call it) and chapters 1 - 20

intro: a replay of when Nesta was forced into the Cauldron. it’s really dramatic, but not in a good way, and we learn that Nesta made a vow to kill the king of Hybern blah blah we saw all this in ac0maf

chapter 1: Cassian goes to visit Nesta but hesitates at the front door. he wonders why Nesta chooses to live somewhere that isn’t the townhouse that faerug and riceman lived in. Nesta answers the door, apparently looking worse than she has in the past, and is wearing a man’s shirt. Cassian finds this offensive. we learn that the last time Nesta was seen by anyone was at a barge party a month ago that she clearly didn’t want to attend but that Amren made her go to. Nesta is, ofc, emaciated but still has big boobs. Cassian would want to court her on the size of them alone were it anyone else who had them. now in Nesta’s POV, we learn she doesn’t know the name of the guy she slept with last night. she takes a bath. riceman had offered her jobs in his court and she turned all of them down. Cassian returns to collect her. Nesta knows that the human queens blame her for what happened at the end of the trilogy. they arrive at the palace that faerug built on land riceman bought after the war. it’s big and pretty. everyone has a portrait but Nesta. Nesta walks into the meeting room and everyone immediately starts slut-shaming her and picking on her appearance. riceman threatens her and faerug finally steps in, but it’s made clear that Nesta’s “behavior” is wrong and that, evidently, faerug wants to take the blame. faerug tells Nesta that she’s leaving to go train with Cassian.

chapter 2: faerug tells Nesta that she’s going to be living in the House of Wind and train with Cassian. we learn that faerug is protecting herself with a shield bc they think Nesta will hurt her. they’re dressing up threats and control with concern for Nesta’s wellbeing. we get a recap of faerug crying afters seeing the charges Nesta made on their account and riceman deciding what they’re gonna do about Nesta. Nesta is told that she will be kept in the House of Wind “not as a prisoner” and, if she doesn’t comply, she’ll be sent back to the human lands. Nesta wants to talk to faerug alone and everyone acts like she’s gonna run up behind faerug with a chair. faerug explaisn she’s embarrassed by Nesta and Nesta’s spending habits and that’s why Nesta has to go to train with Cassian. Nesta tells faerug that she never wants to see her again and faerug contradicts herself several times bw saying that Nesta is a prisoner and isn’t a prisoner.

chapter 3: we get more description of what fey///sand’s home looks like. Cassian tells us about visiting faerug’s studio to watch her paint. riceman asks if Cassian is ready to train Nesta, Cassian says yes bc he’s handled young warriors before and gotten them “in line,” and riceman insinuates that Nesta will require the same level of handling that the Illyrians did. Cassian was given the names Lord of Bloodshed and Prince of Bastards. there’s a lot of sex insinuation. riceman tells Cassian that Cassian is meant for bigger things than just being his general. he wants Cassian to look into the scheming of the human queens. Mor has returned and will go with Cassian to settle in Nesta. Nesta refuses to speak to faerug. Mor winnows them to the House of Wind. Nesta is told she’ll stay in her room and Cassian’s is on the level above. Nesta climbs into bed after being told that training will begin tomorrow.

chapter 4: Cassian finds Mor at a riverfront café. she likes the sunlight. Mor says they should toss Nesta into the Court of Nightmares and Cassian is angry. Cassian asks what happened in Vallahan, another country in the world, and Mor says they don’t want to sign the treaty, and Mor believes Vallahan and other countries (Montesere and Rask) want to be relevant, gain more territory, and start a war with the human queens. Cassian needs to find out what the human queens have in their possession that could help them win a war against the fae. Cassian thinks Vassa could help them understand the human queens. Lucien is the emissary to the human lands, and lives with Vassa and Jurian, but Mor says that Lucien can’t be trusted anymore bc he’s close with Vassa and Jurian. Nesta wakes up in her room and remembers her mother’s plans for her (to marry “for conquest”). Cassian is lying awake in his bed, which is “large enough for three Illyrian warriors to sleep side by side, wings and all.” Azriel returns. riceman talks to Cassian in his head and it’s all very gay undertone-y.

chapter 5: Cassian is trying to convince Nesta to eat. Cassian explains healthy eating to Nesta and tells her how sugar works. she recalls that short story where Cassian forced her up against a wall, held her against her will, and licked her neck, though here it’s meant to be romantic. Nesta eats breakfast and Cassian says that Nesta will be climbing into his bed at some point. Cassian thought what happened at the end of the war meant that Nesta liked him, too. they go to Windhaven. Nesta surveys the training grounds. the Illyrians immediately don’t like Nesta and demand why she’s there, and Cassian reminds them that she’s faerug’s sister and thus needs to be respected. Devlon, an Illyrian, says that Nesta isn’t allowed to touch any weapons if she’s on her period, and if not, any weapons she touches must be buried. Nesta refuses to train, Cassian orders her in a snarl to get up, Devlon and Co return to watch their argument, a voice tells her to not belittle him by defying him, and disgust, disappointment, and anger color Cassian’s face, which makes Nesta happy.

chapter 6: Nesta watches Cassian train and remembers the final battle again. Mor shows up and tells Nesta that her vote was to dump Nesta back in the human lands. Mor brings them back to the House of Wind so Nesta can work in the library, and she meets Clotho. Clotho tells her that she’s to work from one PM to six PM. Nesta seems to enjoy working in the library, her mind quiet. Nesta and Clotho should be friends. Cassian doesn’t go to the dining hall to have dinner with Nesta. the house was told to not give Nesta wine (remember, the House of Wind is sentient, sorta, and does a lot of cleaning and cooking). she gets up and is angry that she’s alone. it’s tiring.

chapter 7: Mor winnows Cassian to the manor where Jurian, Vassa, and Lucien live. after Nesta refused to train, Cassian had to go pout on a cliff over the ocean and whine about it to the inner circlejerk. Lucien answers the door before Cassian can even knock. Eris is there for some reason. there are two humans in the room--Jurian and the “red-haired young queen”--that Cassian elects to ignore after reminding himself to stay calm. riceman evidently trusts Eris. Cassian doesn’t know why riceman chose Cassian to act as a courtier when he’s better at battlefields than politics. Cassian asks Lucien how the Spring Court is doing and Lucien says “it’s fine.” Cassian asks why Eris is there and Eris says that some of his soldiers have gone missing, but his scent hounds detected a human scent from their last known location. Cassian accuses Eris of disappearing his own soldiers, and Eris says that humans have expressed no interest in invading fae lands. Vassa confirms the human queens seem up to something. Vassa doesn’t understand why humans would take Eris’s soldiers when the Spring Court is closer and Tamlin wouldn’t notice anyone missing. the human queen made old is named Briallyn and she’s the one Vassa suspects of being the instigator in this hubbub with humans vs fae. Jurian orders Cassian to send Azriel to track Briallyn. Eris has it on good authority that “the other three [human] queens have scattered to the wind.” Vassa thinks that Koschei, the Bone Carver’s older brother, is pulling Briallyn’s strings. Koschei is known as Koschei the Deathless bc he is immortal and tricked people into selling Vassa to him, and would do all the above to get his freedom. Eris tells Cassian he’s a terrible courtier and then asks why Mor didn’t come inside to say hello, to which Cassian says that she didn’t know Eris was here. Eris wants to be on Cassian’s side bc Beron has pledged himself and his soldiers to Briallyn, and those soldiers who went with Beron to meet with Briallyn are the same soldiers who went missing and Eris can’t find. Eris says they should hand Nesta over to Koschei and Briallyn. Cassian says he could kill Eris then and there, and Eris says that would just cause a war. Eris then tells Cassian to send out Azriel and report to him, and to stay out of politics.

chapter 8: Nesta decides to leave the House of Wind to find wine, since she knows the kitchen and wine cellar will be locked to her, has some random flashbacks from her dad, and is too weak to make it down the stairs. Cassian just watched her struggle while smirking. Cassian reported everything from the meeting with Lucien and co to fey///sand. Cassian tells Nesta that her progress down the stairs is pathetic. Cassian tells Nesta to go to training and actually participate so she’s not such a weakling. Nesta eats breakfast early bc she doesn’t want Cassian to see her limping. Azriel follows Cassian into the dining room. Nesta tells Cassian she wants to train with Azriel instead and Cassian is offended by this. Azriel tells Cassian that he’s in “deep shit” bc he got a boner when Nesta said his name at breakfast. we learn that Azriel is off to spy on Briallyn. Nesta refuses to train again and it takes the entire training session (which is two hours) for Cassian to cool his boner, and he decides not to tell Nesta anything he learned in the meeting with Lucien and Eris. Cassian tells Nesta, who is cold after the end of his exercises, to go wait inside a house bc he had business to attend to. as Nesta stares into the fireplace, Cassian notices she looks scared and wonders where she went just then, then offers for her to go shopping in the village if she wants. she doesn’t reply, so he leaves.

chapter 9: Nesta goes shopping bc she wants something warmer than her fighting leathers. the shopkeeper is a woman whose wings were clipped, so now Nesta knows about the FGM of the Illyrians. Nesta is in the shop bc she wants to buy warmer fighting leathers, but she realizes she won’t be able to pay for them so she quickly says never mind. the shopkeeper offers to make inquiries anyway, bc if she’s cold she shouldn’t suffer, no matter what the High Lord thinks. the shopkeeper is named Emerie. Nesta goes to work with Clotho, Nesta worries Bryaxis is down there, Clotho tells her that Bryaxis never hurt Clotho and the other women protected in the library. food appears that Nesta doesn’t want to eat and she meets another priestess, named Gwyneth Berdara. Nesta doesn’t like that acolytes are “bossing her around” by giving her more books to shelve. at the end of her shift, she goes into a library in the house proper and asks for food with a “please” and the house feeds her.

chapter 10: Nesta eats three servings of soup and the house gives her chocolate cake. she asks if it’s Cassian-approved and he says no, startling her from where he’s in the doorway. he asks why she’s eating in the library and she says it’s obvious, and then he asks why she’s talking to no one and she says she’s talking to the house, and Cassian points out it doesn’t talk back but she says that’s why she does it. he goads her about training again. Nesta lies in bed reading an erotica. the house tries to light a fire in the fireplace and she again says no fire. it shuts her curtains for her. Nesta wakes up from a nightmare and decides to go down the 10,000 steps again. she falls down the steps and catches herself on the wall, but her nails remain embedded in it. the next morning at training, Cassian asks her “who won the fight”. we learn Cassian was watching Nesta try to leave and didn’t bother to help bc she stopped falling. the male Illyrians keep mocking him for Nesta’s refusal to train. he holds his hand out to her and says “please” and she wants to take his hand but can’t bring her body to get up. the “light in his eyes dimmed” when she refused and he said “tomorrow then” and doesn’t speak to her for the rest of the day.

chapter 11: Nesta wants to eat in the library again, but the house refuses her entry so she has to eat with Cassian and Azriel in the dining room. Cassian asks Azriel how long he’ll be gone to spy on Briallyn, and Azriel says he isn’t sure bc there’s a lot of danger there, but it’ll be safer for him to live in the House and winnow back and forth, as per riceman’s orders. Azriel asks how Nesta got bruised, apparently concerned, and Cassian is snide and tells him that she fell down the stairs but if she bothered to train she wouldn’t be as weak. she says, pointedly, that she doesn’t want to train in that village (which, to me, sounds like she wants to train but somewhere else) though Cassian insists she must bc of orders from riceman and, if she doesn’t, she’ll face “consequences”. Nesta says that riceman is an asshole, Cassian gets pissed bc he doesn’t agree and doesn’t like her tone, and then he tells her that everyone hates her and that he’s “done” (i guess with training her) and storms out. she goes to the library to work for Clotho and no one talks to her. Cassian goes to brood over Nesta’s refusal to work and faerug shows up. she’s still wearing the magical shield that riceman put on her. we learn Mor is going to Vallahan again tomorrow. faerug asks why Nesta won’t train, Cassian says it’s bc she hates him, and faerug promises him that Nesta doesn’t. faerug doesn’t understand why she and Nesta don’t get along and explains her ~tragic backstory~ to Cassian. Cassian wonders if working in the library will be enough to help Nesta and faerug says no, the library was simply a place to balance the training. Cassian has finally arrived at the conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t be training in the village if that’s what’s preventing Nesta from participating at all.

chapter 12: now, Nesta and Cassian are in the training ring on top of the House of Wind instead of at Windhaven, which confuses her. Cassian has realized that it’s better to train Nesta away from Windhaven, and when she hesitates, clearly uncertain (and i can’t blame her, she probably thinks there’s strings attached), he offers her a bargain: if she trains for an hour, he’ll owe her a favor. she agrees to the bargain and they shake on it, and magic zaps bw them bc of whatever her power is making the deal into something “more intense. Demanding.” he now has an eight-pointed star tattooed on his back. he gets horny again bc Nesta is looking at his muscles. she still remembers him telling her that everyone hates her, but she feels safer in the training ring on the House of Wind instead of at Windhaven. they start training with stance and poses and spend a lot of time talking about her toes. they say they’ll work for another hour, which will consist of a cooldown and breathing work, both of which Nesta needs explained to her for some reason. Nesta asks Cassian if he likes flying and then asks why the male Illyrians clip the female Illyrians’ wings. Cassian explains that Nesta needs to drink water. she lies down and tries to catch her breath and Cassian imagines her like this in his bed after sex. Nesta tells Cassian that the second hour of training was on the house, no bargain necessary. Cassian tells Nesta that he didn’t mean it when he said that everyone hates her, and clarifies that he doesn’t hate her. she tells him she doesn’t hate him, either.

chapter 13: Nesta is hungry while she works in the library and has, apparently, internalized what Cassian told her about being “pathetic” for not having the same physical endurance that he does. Gwyn shows up and is surprised that Nesta has been shelving everything by hand instead of with magic, and she says it like it should be obvious even though no one told Nesta what to do except to shelve books, evidently forgetting that a woman born human will not have the first instinct of using magic to do simple menial tasks. Gwyn can’t find a book and is afraid that who she works for will be angry. Gwyn wastes that time she could be looking for the book explaining what the priestesses do besides work in the library. Nesta decides to help Gwyn find the book she needs by asking the house where it is, and then asks where to find Merrill’s office (Merrill is the woman Gwyn works for). Merrill is suspicious, for some reason. Merrill is researching other worlds, bc she thinks there are others out there, and is also researching the Valkyries, bc of course she is. Nesta returns to her room, eats, and takes a bath. she sleeps and thinks she feels or smells Cassian come in, reaches for him, but he’s already gone.

chapter 14: Cassian waits in the training ring, but Nesta hasn’t shown up, nor was she at breakfast. she shows up and they perform stretches. he comments that she’s nimble on her feet and she explains she had dancing lessons as a kid, and then goes into her backstory: dad loved Elain and faerug more, mom made Nesta her “creature”. she doesn’t want to talk more about it, so she asks him about the priestesses and what happened in Sangravah. Cassian explains that one of the legs of the Cauldron was at the temple and it provided the priestesses with their gifts, but Hybern wanted it, sent soldiers to collect it, and they did while killing many priestesses and raping most of them. Cassian goes to the Spring Court with riceman, which makes him “itch”. Eris is also there. he called the meeting, evidently, and says they’re wasting time spying on the human queens instead of acting. riceman says he’s “half-serious” about killing the human queens in a non-sloppy way, to which Cassian says it’s not a good idea. riceman asks Eris why his dad wants to go to war so badly. Beron wants to pit fae against fae for a vacant court, i guess? the Spring Court, i assume. Eris says that Tamlin is staying in his beast form and prowls the Spring Court and Cassian says he’s getting the punishment he deserves. Eris wants to seize his dad’s throne for the “same reason” he left Mor “untouched at the border.” he then challenges Cassian to ask Mor about the full story. he leaves, Cassian asks riceman why he’s distracted, and riceman says “nothing” but it’s safe to assume it’s bc faerug is pregnant. back in Nesta’s point of view, she tries to leave down the 10,000 steps again and is too sore, goes back to her room, and the house draws her a bath and gives her a slice of chocolate cake (the cake is bc she tells the house it might be her only friend and it’s evidently pleased by this).

chapter 15: Nesta is sent to the seventh level of the library, which is unnerving, as there’s nothing but darkness down the ramp. Nesta stares into the darkness and hears her name, feels like it’s beckoning her, but Gwyn finds her and says they should leave, even though Nesta needs to shelve a book down there. Gwyn explains that other people have seen darkness down there, too, after Nesta tells her what she saw (Nesta tells us, not Gwyn, that it was reminiscent of what she saw in the Cauldron). Gwyn guides Nesta away and tells her to not look back, since Gwyn can feel it watching. Gwyn used an Invoking Stone, which has powers from the Mother, to shield them as they went up to the fourth level where Nesta’s cart is, and Nesta asks what the darkness was. Gwyn explains that “the being” that lived down there is gone but vestiges of its power might remain. Nesta explains that the darkness feels older than that, and Gwyn asks if she’s an adept in such things (not condescendingly, luckily), so Nesta tells her that she was Made by the Cauldron, which Gwyn didn’t think possible. Gwyn says that Nesta shouldn’t go down to the seventh level if the darkness down there is drawn to her bc she’s Cauldron Made, though Nesta argues that that’s cowardly and she needs to work for Clotho. a woman named Riven walks past, seemingly afraid, and Gwyn explains that Riven arrived 80 years ago but is still wary of strangers, and only Riven, Clotho, and riceman know what happened to Riven. Nesta tells Gwyn what she’s doing with Cassian. Nesta asks why Gwyn doesn’t wear the Invoking Stone on her head like the other priestesses and Gwyn says bc she doesn’t “deserve to”. the next morning, they’re still stretching and practicing balancing. Cassian gives Nesta his backstory and explains that rape is illegal in the Night Court and Illyria, but in Illyria it’s considered a “betrayal” if the victim comes forward. Cassian “bothers with the Illyrians” bc he “fought like hell to prove [his] worth to them”. Cassian explains the training helped him through bad times, helped faerug, and they think it’ll help Nesta, and Nesta feels "oily shame” for making him talk about his past, so she tells him to show her more movements. the house likes filthy romance novels, so it shares some with Nesta that night in her room. the house actually makes her laugh. Nesta asks if she can have dinner and the house opens her door, implying she should go eat with Cassian, and doesn’t listen when she says that she’s had enough Cassian time today. Cassian is in the dining room when she enters bc she’s hungry, and he asks how the library was, to which she says that nothing tried to eat her today, to which he “goes still” and asks what happened. she tells him and he goes pale, then greenish, and says that they should’ve kept hunting for Bryaxis and that he’s seen Bryaxis a few times. Bryaxis showed him his most “primal fears”. Nesta asks what kind of monsters Cassian put in the Prison. Cassian tells Nesta about some of the really bad monsters that even humans have legends about. you can find the passage here. Cassian tells her about a few more but she asks him to stop, and he asks if the darkness in the library reacted to her powers, to which she says she doesn’t have any, and it’s clear Cassian doesn’t believe her. he says that Lucien says her fire powers differ from his bc hers is much colder. she doesn’t want to answer but he keeps pressing, so she gets up to leave and he blocks her, says that it never mattered to him what powers she got from the Cauldron. she asks him why he even bothers, he counters with why she stayed at his side when they went up against Hybern. she says bc she was a stupid fool, he asks her what she’s afraid of, she says nothing, he says liar. he tells her that when her powers rise to the surface, her eyes flare like “silver fire” and i summarize the rest of what happens here.

chapter 16: Cassian didn’t sleep well and masturbated four times to Nesta, though he finds it difficult to meet her eye at breakfast. Nesta arrived before him and was reading, but she put the book down when he came in. he asks her what she’s reading, she says it’s a romance, he says he gathered that but wants to know what it’s about (he’s trying to break the awkward silence), and when she drops her hand to her lap he realizes she masturbated, too, but they have two hours of training to get through and he can’t have a boner during that, but he gets one anyway bc he imagines her masturbating. they’re both very distracted. Cassian risks her seeing his boner and flees. once alone, Nesta berates herself for saying “the book is about a book” despite how genuinely funny that actually was to me. she thinks he fled bc he doesn’t want her. he says they’re working on her “core” and then clarifies “abdominals” instead of stretching and balance today. he says her core strength is “pathetic” bc she can’t hold a plank for thirty seconds while he can for five minutes. he works out bc she’s tired and tells him to so he leaves her alone and she starts thinking he looks like a hero over some pushups and planks. she asks if there are female Illyrian fighting units, he says no bc they tried once and it “failed spectacularly,” and she says “because Illyrians are backward and horrible,” and he winces. Cassian heavily implies that female Illyrians can’t become warriors bc the training is difficult, as is the society, and further adds the Blood Rite. he explains what happens during the Blood Rite and then finishes with how he doesn’t want Mor, for instance, to complete the Rite despite probably being able to do it in record time. Nesta asks if female Illyrians can become warriors without the Rite, and Cassian says the male Illyrians would consider it an insult and no one would want to work with them. progress amongst the male Illyrians is them now “decontaminating” weapons after a woman touches them, when before a woman would be killed for doing so. Nesta asks if he’d be willing to train Illyrian females, he points out that he’s training her, she says what about the women in the library, and he says yes but many of the women in the library don’t want to be around men anymore. Nesta says then maybe one of Cassian’s female friends, such as Mor, and he says Mor is away but he could ask faerug, and Nesta interrupts to say “not faerug”. he, to my surprise, agrees without argument that he won’t ask faerug but does need to tell her and riceman about it, and then tells Nesta he really likes the idea.

chapter 17: Nesta asks Clotho if she’d be okay with Cassian training any priestesses who want to train and Clotho gives her permission, though she doesn’t think many will go. Nesta posts a sign-up sheet and no one does, so Cassian tells her to “keep reaching out her hand,” aka the thing he was told when he began training with Nesta. she works out for days and gets stronger, makes it to step 500 of 10,000. she offers a favorite romance book to the house and the house accepts it and gives her a bouquet of flowers the next day. a week passes without Nesta seeing Gwyn, who is busy with Merrill on the Valkyrie research. still no one has signed up. Cassian teaches Nesta how to punch properly. she wonders if training and working in the library and conquering the 10,000 steps will do anything to help her inner demons, and i have to wonder the same thing. Elain arrives in the private library (the one in the House of Wind, not the one Clotho and co live in). Elain appears healthier than she did in the first days at the Night Court, and stopped by to see how Nesta is doing. Elain asks if she’s enjoying herself, and Nesta says she has no choice in being here so how can she possibly enjoy herself? Nesta is angry at Elain and Elain recognizes this and says that faerug warned her this might happen but she wanted to come anyway. Elain repeats the same thing that they’re doing this bc they love her and name-drops their dad and Nesta snarls to never mention him again and her magic flares, all of which Elain is upset by. Nesta tells Elain to leave, but Elain asks if this is all about their dad, and then says there was nothing they could have done to save him. Nesta tries to make Elain feel the same pain that she does over their dad’s death, though Nesta blames herself for their dad’s death. the fight drains out of Nesta and she tells Elain to go back to faerug and her little garden (bc Nesta feels betrayed, that Elain chose faerug and banished Nesta, and i mean she’s not entirely wrong?). Elain says that Cassian told faerug that the training seemed to be helping and Nesta says “sorrry to disappoint.” riceman is the one who brought Elain to see Nesta bc Cassian wanted to show riceman how the Illyrians were doing. Elain tells riceman that Nesta isn’t even trying and isn’t doing any better, and riceman gets angry, but Cassian says that he knows Nesta is doing better, she just needs time and maybe we should ask her permission before we spring Elain on her. riceman asks if faerug can come and Cassian says that Nesta doesn’t want to see her, to which riceman gets pissy, and Cassian tells him to calm down bc Nesta isn’t going to get better with riceman threatening to kill her every time. when riceman and Elain leave, Cassian goes to ask Nesta what happened and is angry about it. Nesta says she doesn’t want to talk to him, but Cassian asks what she said to Elain and she says that of course he assumes it’s Nesta who is at fault. it’s cold in the library so Cassian tells the house to light a fire, which triggers Nesta and she asks the house to extinguish the fire but it ignores her, which continues to trigger her, and all Cassian feels about the obvious fear on her face is curiosity. so, Nesta leaves to remove herself from the trigger, and Cassian asks where she’s going, to which she says “out,” and he asks what the plan is, if she’s going to just drive away everyone who loves her until she’s alone. he yells at her to say what she’s thinking to him and his magic flares, and she refuses and gets that dead look on her face, and then starts down the 10,000 steps.

chapter 18: Nesta wants to forget everything that’s going on rn with music and dancing bc she’s in a lot of pain. she makes it to step 1,000 before stopping. she climbs back up the steps and by the time she reaches the top she’s feeling better, the panic attack over. Cassian is waiting for her at the top, and she says she doesn’t want to train with him. he asks what step she got to and says “impressive” when she tells him. he asks what set her off, and then what Elain said, and she doesn’t want to talk about it so she asks why the priestesses won’t sign up, and Cassian says that maybe they’re not ready. we learn it’s been two weeks. Cassian says that the physical training is good, but she still has a lot of internal battles to win, and brings up faerug and Nesta says she doesn’t want to hear about faerug or riceman or Mor or anyone’s “special journey,” so he throws to her that he’ll tell his own “special journey” with an “icy” tone and i just. he tells her that he “slaughtered” everyone who hurt his mom. he says it took ten years for him to face what he had done during that slaughter, and tells Nesta that it’s okay if it takes her ten years or twenty years. she asks him if he regrets what he did and he says no, and she drops her head but he cups her chin and lifts her head and tells her that whatever she throws at him, he can take. she says her not being like anyone else should bother him, he says it doesn’t, she says it bothers everyone, including “oh-so-special Rhysand” and he gets angry at her tone, then grabs her wrist when she tries to leave. she says let go, he doesn’t and says to “make him,” she says it again, he finally lets go and is smirking at her, so she kisses him.

chapter 19: she has her eyes open and sees his eyes widen. when she steps back, he hauls her back in and kisses her back. there’s a lot of description of tongues and touching and grinding and then she gives him a hand-job. he looks at her like he suddenly regrets it and she pushes him away without finishing herself. the next morning at breakfast, Cassian can’t look Azriel in the eye. Azriel says they’ll meet at the river house to talk about what he’s learned about Briallyn. Azriel asks if there’s anything he, as chaperone, should know about bc he can smell Cassian’s arousal (i’m gagging). he was embarrassed bc he didn’t get her off, while Nesta misread that embarrassment as regret. he’s distracted and misses Azriel ask if the two of them (meaning Cassian and Nesta) are ready to go to the river house, and Cassian is surprised that Nesta is apparently invited and wonders if it has to do with her fight with Elain, then warns Azriel to not bring it up. but no, riceman needs both Cassian and Nesta there at the meeting.

chapter 20: they fly down to the river house and Cassian promises the meeting will be fast bc Nesta is, understandably, nervous about being there since everyone will presumably be at the meeting. they see a painting faerug made of Ramiel, the mountain. everyone but Elain and Mor are at the meeting. faerug is still shielded by riceman. Azriel tortured people to learn about Briallyn’s plans. the other queens left Briallyn behind, and Eris was right that Beron visited her. Briallyn wants to retrieve the Cauldron to get her youth back. Amren says that only they, Miryam, and Drakon know where the Cauldron is, and that it’s too protected with magic and wards to allow Briallyn close, but evidently Briallyn knows all of this. Koschei has been “whispering in Briallyn’s ear” through “the wind” and pointed her to the Dread Trove, not to help her but to free him. she and Koschei are evidently allies; Briallyn isn’t his puppet. Azriel tells Cassian he needs to ask Eris if Beron is aware of this. Nesta asks what the Dread Trove is, and Amren explains it’s objects the Cauldron Made: the Mask, the Harp, and the Crown. the Mask can raise the dead, the Harp can open any door, physical or otherwise, and the Crown can influence anyone and pierce through any mental shields. there’s rumors of a fourth object but also rumors it was Unmade, but i’d say it’s safe to assume it’ll be a deus ex machina. Nesta asks what the objects have to do with the Cauldron, and faerug says “like calls to like.” the Trove was Made by the Cauldron, so the Trove can find its Maker. faerug wonders if Briallyn can find the Cauldron bc she, too, was Made. Amren says the Cauldron made Briallyn old to punish her, or perhaps punish Nesta, and then says that she thinks Nesta took something from the Cauldron when she was in it. faerug asks what happened in the Cauldron. Nesta hesitates, so Cassian asks if it matters, to which faerug says it might give them insight, and Cassian tells Nesta they can discuss it later but Nesta starts talking, though is nervous when everone immediately turns to her. she practices the breathing exercises Cassian taught her, which helps. Nesta says she doesn’t know what she took, only that she took something the Cauldron didn’t want her to have, and faerug is satisfied with that and faerug says that it’s possible the Cauldron couldn’t imbue Briallyn with something to allow her to track it, only anything it Made. Amren says that if you collected everything it Made, you’d have enough power to track it down, and Azriel adds that it would also give you three powerful objects to use however you saw fit. riceman asks Azriel if all Koschei really wants is to be free of the lake, but Amren answers that no one knows the full scope of the Trove’s powers, so beyond being free from the lake, he could want other things too. Nesta asks what a death-lord is, and everyone looks at her like she’s stupid (apart from Cassian, i guess? since he answers her). Cassian says that he told her about Lanthys, and that Koschei is similar and can’t be killed. riceman says he’d forgotten about Lanthys and Cassian throws him a “dry look” and says he hadn’t. Amren shudders (i guess at the mention of Lanthys). here’s a summary:

Feyre cleared her throat. “So they are trying to find this Dread Trove in order to track down the Cauldron for Briallyn, and likely free Koschei in the process. And launch a war, with Beron as her ally, that would grant them whatever territories they wish. Or give some to Koschei, depending on what bargain he strikes with Briallyn—probably one to his advantage.”

“Again, Briallyn is well aware of Koschei’s insidious influence,” Azriel said. “If her strings are being pulled, it is only because she’s allowing it to achieve her own ends.”

chapter 20 continued: Azriel doesn’t think that Briallyn has found the Dread Trove yet, and all Koschei knows is that the Dread Trove was last seen somewhere in Prythian. Briallyn won’t risk going there yet, though Beron’s forces are going to Briallyn’s palace to ready her to go. Cassian says he’ll tell Eris but that they should warn the other courts and close borders and whatnot, and riceman says they’d expose Eris by doing so. Cassian asks about warning the other courts about the Trove, and riceman says no bc that’d probably make them go looking for it instead. faerug asks why they didn’t look for the Trove when they were looking for the Cauldron, and Amren says the Book was easier to find. it’s evidently been 10,000 years since anyone saw the Trove. Cassian asks if anyone has any ideas of where to find the Trove, and Amren says that Made objects typically don’t want to be found, and that the objects have sentience. Amren wonders if the Trove wants to be found bc it might have pulled back its glamour, hiding its location, to Briallyn after she was Made, and points out that Nesta and Elain are the same. Cassian wonders how they can track the Trove down, and Elain says “using me.”

#anti sjm #anti acosf #myth and kat read acosf #spoilers #acosf recap

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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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Rhys’s eyes simmered; the stars within them winked out. “Fuck you.”

“Take a breath, Rhysand.” Cassian gestured to the window behind him, the lawn sloping down to the river. “You want to go fight it out, I’ve got energy to burn.”

The study doors opened, and Azriel walked in. From the grim expression etched on his face, he already knew.

Azriel claimed the seat beside Cassian. “Tell us what you need, Rhys.”

“Nothing. I need to not fall apart so my mate doesn’t pick up a whiff of this when she comes home for lunch.” Rhys narrowed his eyes, and power rumbled in the room. “No one says a word about this to Feyre. No one.”

“Didn’t Madja warn her?” Azriel asked.

“Not strongly. She only mentioned an elevated risk during labor.” Rhys let out a harsh laugh. “An elevated risk.”

Cassian’s stomach twisted.

you know what? fuck this. there is someone in my life i love very much who is pregnant and there are risks associated with her pregnancy and if the doctor or her husband kept that from her? i’d be wielding my battleax because no. fuck that. fuck this. fuck riceman. fuck sj///m. i am beyond pissed.

i can’t believe they let this shit fly. thank fuck it’s not YA anymore because hopefully adults will know better, but fucking shit i fear for all the YA readers who will follow her to the Adult section and read this dangerous shit.

#anti sjm #anti acosf #myth and kat read acosf #spoilers #pregnancy tw

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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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i think so much of writing respectfully and inclusively is being aware of what you’re putting down on the page. what do i mean by this? what better author to focus on than sj///m, right? i’ll start with CCity on this, since it’s the one where it’s most obvious she’s trying so hard to fix her mistakes, but the problem always comes back to her fundamental misunderstanding of why and how her shit is problematic in the first place and what she must do to fix said problematic shit.

i’m sticking this under a cut bc, surprise surprise, i rambled 😌

take, for instance, Hunt: i think it’s pretty widely-accepted he’s coded as a MOC, (potentially an Asian-coded man) since he’s given “golden-brown skin” and “angular” eyes. sj//m was trying to be more inclusive by writing him in such a way that he shouldn’t be perceived as white, but what she failed to realize is two big things: 1) the fact he’s a slave of centuries who is constantly tortured, mutilated, and manipulated by his oppressors, and 2) the fact he lusts after and is demeaned by Bruce, a white girl. furthermore, Bruce constantly makes comments about how Hunt should fight back, shouldn’t allow himself to remain a slave, and taunts him into either disobeying Micah (the man he’s enslaved to) or killing for her. it’s made clear time and time again that Hunt doesn’t like that he’s an assassin for Micah, and yet there are so many instances of him wanting to kill or hurt someone for Bruce, which not only makes his characterization inconsistent, it plays into the problematic trope of the dark-skinned aggressor (a trope that sj///m seems to be particularly fond of, what with the Illyrians).

(on the topic of Hunt, a quick side-note: the idea of the “alphahole” that comes up again and again in CCity and that antis have critiqued up the wazoo (though not with the “alphahole” colloquialism until CCity came along, but i don’t think many antis actually use “alphahole” as anything but a joke when talking about her obvious love of the hypermasculine alpha male). sj///m is clearly trying to call out her past mistakes and work to rectify them going forward, but she completely fails bc she only succeeds at 1) mocking her readers, who are often fans of hers bc they like the alpha male douchebag sj///m is infamous for, and 2) making herself sound like an idiot when she calls out “alphahole” behavior while actively writing “alphaholes” and making them (possible) endgame love interests (i say possible bc it’s anyone’s guess if sj///m will actually subvert everyone and their mother’s expectations by making Hunt endgame). Hunt is an “alphahole,” even if he’s not quite as bad as riceman or rowboat and even if sj///m thinks she’s not actually writing an “alphahole”. with his aforementioned behavior toward anyone who’s mean to Bruce (aka wanting to kill them for her), he still falls under the “alphahole” category.

but i digress.)

another example of sj///m writing without being aware of what she’s actually putting on the page is her inclusion of queer rep. sj///m queerbaits quite a lot with Danika, thanks to lines she has involving Bruce and her relationship with Bruce, not to mention how many times others wonder if Bruce and Danika are “just” best friends and not actually lovers. we have Hunt wonder about it, after all, several times iirc. one that stands out the most is when he says that they have to be more than “just” best friends because Bruce doesn’t mourn Danika like someone mourns “just” their best friend, thus implying that Bruce is mourning Danika like a lover and/or spouse (bc obviously people can’t be torn to pieces over losing their best friend in a horrific attack, right?).

here’s some lines that have romantic connotations bc i am nothing if not a historian who likes citations:

page 38 of my ebook:

Danika just said it. “If he grabs his phone to check his messages before his dick’s barely out of you again, please have the self-respect to kick his balls across the room and come home to me.”

page 45 of my ebook:

But it was Danika’s added “Love you” as [Bruce] slipped out into the grimy hallway that made her hesitate with her hand on the knob.

It’d taken Danika a few years to save those words, and she still used them sparingly. Danika had initially hated it when [Bruce] said them to her—even when [Bruce] explained that she’d spent most of her life saying it, just in case it was the last time. In case she wouldn’t get to say goodbye to the people who mattered most. And it had taken one of their more fucked-up adventures[...]to get Danika to utter the words, but at least she now said them. Sometimes.

page 258 of my ebook (aka the line of Hunt’s i referenced above):

The silence pressed on [Hunt] enough that he asked, “Were you and Danika lovers?”

He’d been told two years ago that they weren’t, but friends didn’t mourn each other the way [Bruce] seemed to have so thoroughly shut down every part of herself. The way he had for Shahar.

[...]

Hunt turned in place as [Bruce] padded around the other end of the kitchen island, flinging open the enormous metal fridge to examine its meager contents. “No,” [Bruce] said, her voice flat and cold. “Danika and I weren’t like that.”

page 696 of my ebook:

[Bruce] swallowed, looking at the ground that was not earth, but the very base of Self, of the world. She whispered, “I’m scared.”

Danika grabbed her hand again. “That’s the point of it, [Bruce]. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.” She took [Bruce’s] face in her hands and pressed their brows together.

page 700 of my ebook (and i was torn on including this one, but it’s from Danika, so i think i should):

Danika had whispered, “I love you,” before fading into nothing, her hand sliding from Bryce’s.

page 703 of my ebook (also torn on this, but it does sound a little queer, so):

But it wasn’t okay. Not even close. What had happened, what [Bruce had] done and revealed, the Horn in her body, all those people dead, Lehabah dead, and seeing Danika, Danika, Danika—

Her breathless words turned into pants, and then shuddering sobs.

also, not for nothing, but the fact Danika dies without an actual male love interest to make Her Straightness Obvious kinda also implies she’s queer, but *sips tea*

furthermore, there’s the way sj///m writes Fury and Juniper: we see the two women together in one scene, in which Juniper is fetishized and goes to sleep with some random guy. for the rest of the book, they never interact on-page and thus we are never given the chance to see their dynamic, which would provide crucial context clues to what their relationship really is by the time this exchange happens between Fury and Bruce on page 494 of my ebook:

“And yet you can still talk to Juniper?” Bryce’s throat closed up. “I wasn’t worth the risk to you?”

Fury hissed, “Juniper and I have something that is none of your fucking business.” Bryce refrained from gaping. Juniper had never hinted, never suggested—“I could no sooner stop talking to her than I could rip out my own fucking heart, okay?”

“I get it, I get it,” Bryce said. She blew out a long breath. “Love trumps all.”

i’ve talked about this scene to death, but this is written in such a way that it can be read as “just” best friends or as two women in a romantic relationship, depending on the reader. the fact that Bruce “gapes” (which faerug also does to Mor, and which i talk about below) implies that being openly queer isn’t accepted in this world, that it’s not very likely you’ll see two women holding hands as they walk down the sidewalk or kiss at a romantic restaurant. it also implies that Bruce, no matter that she says about “love trumps all,” might not be as accepting as sj///m would like us to believe. maybe sj///m has never had a friend come out to her before, but if i came out to someone and they gaped at me (and i’ve come out to several people several times now, both about my sexuality and my gender, so i have some experience here), i don’t think i would be very happy with them/want to remain their friend.

on the note of queer rep in sj///m’s work, Mor is another fantastic example of trying to be inclusive through a response to criticism without sj///m being aware of what, exactly, she’s writing. Mor comes out because faerug all but forces her to by not shutting up what a good guy Azriel is and that Mor should just give him a chance. that right there is fucked on so many levels, not just because Mor is a lesbian, but bc she’s supposedly faerug’s friend. no one should ever force their friends to date someone they don’t want to (i’ve had this happen to me! i had to literally snap at my friend to get her to back off bc i wasn’t going to go to the dance with this one guy who ignored my every rejection and bought us tickets to winter formal, just bc he’s a nice guy and i might like him if i gave him a chance), but i don’t think sj///m could figure out how else to write Mor’s coming out scene, largely bc she has no fucking clue how disgusting the scene we’re given is. the problem with Mor being a lesbian is threefold: 1) she’s a woman who was tortured by her father and left to die bc she was no longer a virgin; 2) Azriel spends centuries lusting after a woman who makes it clear time and again that she does not reciprocate his feelings and yet he cannot take the fucking hint, so much so that sj///m has to now dangle Elain in front of him like a piece of meat to get him to let go of Mor; and 3) sj///m was obviously setting up Mor and Azriel to be an endgame couple in ac0maf, as evidenced both in canon and in her pinterest board:

even stans picked up on it, what with their vocal outrage over how Mor “led Azriel on” for centuries instead of just outing herself to a man she obviously does not feel safe around, and posts like these:

and fanart like this:

the tl;dr of this ramble is this: if you want to write inclusively and respectfully, you have to be 100% aware of everything you’re putting on the page. when people ask for advice on this kind of thing, my first comment is to always say they’re already on the right track bc they’re already thinking of this, rather than being unaware of problems bc a state of unawareness is where the problems begin to appear. Hafsah Faizal has talked about this before on her twitter (i wish i could find the tweet, but this is from eons ago), but if you write a character of color when you yourself are white, you have to be wholly conscious of how your white character talks to this character of color. if the character of color is constantly yelled at or ordered around or ignored by the white character, that’s a big problem. if you write a queer character when you yourself are straight, you have to be conscious of how your queer character comes out, is perceived by the reader, and is treated by the straight character. if the queer character comes out by comparing their bisexuality to forced prostitution, as is the case with Aedion and Lysandra in t0g, that’s a big problem.

the moment you share your work for public consumption, it no longer matters what your intentions are (something sj///m has a lot of trouble understanding, hence why she over-explains everything in her interviews and on tours, not to mention why she force-feeds us her opinion of her characters in canon so we’re forced to share the exact same outlook on them) bc all that matters is what you’ve put down on the page. your words, at that point, have no choice but to speak for themselves, and if they do any of the above, your work is going to come under warranted critique, and unless you learn from that critique and do more than half-assed jobs to write more inclusively and respectfully, you’ll run into the exact same problems that sj///m has with CCity.

#anti sjm #anti ccity #anti acotar #anti tog #long post #stans being stans #writing advice #writing tips #sorta

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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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part 4 of my ac0sf recap will cover chapters 61 - 80 (the end)

part 1 covering the intro - chapter 20 can be found here

part 2 covering chapters 21 - 40 can be found here

part 3 covering chapters 41 - 60 can be found here

chapter 61: one test remains, one Nesta gave herself, so she runs down the 10,000 steps. Nesta and Cassian are either fucking or “lovemaking” and they alternate bedrooms. she gets down to the bottom step and opens the door, but she feels herself drawn back into the house, not into the city. a Starfall party is gonna happen in the house that night. Cassian is waiting for her at the top of the stairs dressed in his “courtly finery” and they kiss. he tells her the party already started but is “nearing its peak”. Nesta watches the stars fall and cries from the beauty of it. Viviane is pregnant. Nesta laughs and Amren says it’s not a sound she ever expected to hear from her. Nesta falls to one knee, bows her head, and tells Amren she’s sorry and Amren is surprised. Nesta says more and finishes with “losing your friendship is a loss I can’t endure” and Amren smiles, and tells Nesta that Nesta made the house sing with happiness, and it turns out Nesta Made the house. here’s the caption and ending of the chapter.

chapter 62: spring arrives. they’ve gone months without an attack from Briallyn, but Cassian warns that most armies don’t attack in winter. a “rare red star” (that we know is alien from k0a) shoots across the sky and riceman seems “unusually contemplative” in the aftermath. faerug is two months from giving birth. Cassian and Azriel continue to train Nesta and co as a unit, and she wonders if she’ll ever actually face combat. the Blood Rite is only a few days away. Eris sends a letter to Cassian and Nesta that they need to meet. they find him in a forest clearing in the Middle, though Nesta is distracted by the mountain aka the UtM mountain. Eris asks if she’s ever seen it and she says no. they talk about the three mountains (Ramiel, the UtM mountain, and the one that holds the Prison) and Eris says why no one ever wondered if there was something carved beneath Ramiel the way there is the other two mountains. no one knows who carved the palace/court that Amarantha lived in UtM, but it wasn’t Amarantha. Eris says this:

“My father went to the continent again last week. He came back seeming normal, without the glassy-eyed aloofness my soldiers displayed. He did not invite me to accompany him, or explain what he discussed with Briallyn. I can only assume the fallout is approaching, though, and wanted to warn you. It was not something I could risk putting in writing. But for now…for now, it seems as if the world is holding its breath.”

chapter 62 continued: the world is evidently waiting for Nesta to find the Harp. Nesta blinks in surprise, realizes too late that they haven’t told Eris they have the Harp, but he sees that and guesses correctly. Cassian asks if it matters and Eris says yes bc the Night Court now possesses two items from the Trove. Eris asks if this is what the delays have all been about, the NC biding their time to learn the Trove’s secrets and use them for their own gain. Nesta asks what they possibly have to gain, and Eris counters with what did Hybern have to gain by getting the Cauldron. Cassian says they have no interest in conquest and they aren’t going to use the Trove, to which Eris laughs and says he’s not comfortable with the NC having 2/3 of the Trove and other Made items, to which Nesta stiffens but Cassian says that riceman has his own plans and Eris can’t possibly think that he’d tell Eris all of them but assures him they don’t involve using the Trove. Nesta gets horny over Cassian’s smooth courtier’s voice. Eris says he assumes they’re going after the Crown now and Cassian says they’ll tell him what he needs to know and try not to forget to do so this time. Eris carries the Made dagger on his belt and says that they’d be stupid to go after Briallyn directly. Eris asks what they’ll do when they have all three Trove items and points out they can’t destroy them and hiding them probably wouldn’t work. Cassian asks what he’s going to do to stop them. Eris says that if they fail to get the Crown, they risk Briallyn using it against them, that she could make them expose everything, and repeats that they should not go after the Crown. Cassian says we’ll see and implies the Made items can protect them against the Crown. they kind of undo everything they did at the ball but don’t seem concerned by it. Cassian and Nesta fly away and Nesta says he did well and Cassian says he pretended he was Nesta. they fly for hours and then land on a bridge over the Sidra and Cassian says he thought they would walk a while, holding hands. Nesta asks what Cassian thinks Eris will do, and he says sulk and then think of a new way to insult Cassian. she says that Cassian playing courtier gave her some ideas, and he says it did the same to him. he kisses her and she says people are looking and he says he doesn’t care, he wants them to know they share a bed. Nesta asks if it undermines her rep as a warrior to be seen with him, and he counters with does it do the same for faerug when she’s with riceman, and Nesta says it’s different for them bc they’re mates. Nesta seems to know what Cassian is gonna say and isn’t surprised when he implies they’re mates, and he says that she doesn’t want to be, and she says that the word doesn’t really hold any meaning with her. he asks why she’s frightened, and she says she isn’t, and he asked if being seen with him spooked her, and she doesn’t answer. here’s the excerpt. Emerie is at her kitchen table when Nesta arrives, Mor having winnowed Nesta there. Nesta makes it two steps into Emerie’s shop before she starts to cry, and Emerie helps her into a chair and listens as Nesta tells her everything that happened. a knock sounds on the door an hour later and Gwyn comes in to hug Nesta, brought by Mor, who nods at Nesta and winnows away. Emerie says she’s surprised Gwyn left the library and Gwyn says that some things are more important than fear. Nesta spends the night at Emerie’s house and decides she’ll talk to Cassian tomorrow and explain everything. Nesta wakes to “a male scent” in her room that isn’t Cassian, Azriel, or riceman. down the hall, Gwyn screams and goes silent. she tries to reach for her power, but they knock her out.

chapter 63: as per the bargain, Cassian waits until the next day to look for Nesta (and doesn’t seem upset by the bargain at all), asking riceman to winnow him up to Emerie’s shop. before they even enter it, though, riceman knows they’re not here, and the magic that was there is too strong to belong to an Illyrian except on one night when Illyrians possess an “ancient, wild power”. there are signs of a struggle. riceman says that Devlon just confirmed that the Blood Rite began at midnight. Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie were kidnapped to participate in it.

chapter 64: Nesta wakes up and feels a lot of pain. she looks around and finds male Illyrians around her with wings bound (as per the Blood Rite requirements). she realizes she woke before the others bc she’s Made and therefore different. her magic isn’t there bc of the Blood Rite’s spells. she knows she’s in a lot of danger bc she’s a woman in just a nightgown. she knows she needs to find Emerie and Gwyn. a male Illyrian wakes up and looks like he wants to rape her and then notices a knife embedded in a nearby tree. Nesta runs. Cassian asks to be winnowed to them so he can save them, but his family is against it and riceman tells Cassian to explain to faerug why: anyone who takes someone from the Blood Rite will be executed, as will the person taken from the Rite. Azriel says that his spies informed him Eris has been captured by Briallyn. Cassian and Azriel have to go after him bc riceman can’t risk it and explains the suicide pact. Cassian says they should let him die and faerug says they can’t bc he could reveal everything under the Crown’s control, and asks what he knows and Cassian explains what it is, and faerug wonders if the Made dagger will offer some immunity against the Crown. while Azriel and Cassian go, Amren says that she’s going to have a long talk about the bargain bw fey///sand to fey///sand. back in Nesta’s POV, she’s running for the knife in the tree but the Illyrian rams into her and then they both go tumbling down into a streambed a hundred feet below. turns out she stabbed him in the throat while they fell and he’s dead. she takes his clothes, puts them on, and pulls the knife free before leaving to find Emerie and Gwyn.

chapter 65: Cassian once told Nesta about the three sites where participants of the Rite are placed. Nesta isn’t sure where to find Gwyn and Emerie and remembers that Cassian won’t be able to come for her bc of the rules of the Rite. any wounds would heal at a human rate bc the Rite saps all magic. the charm on the bracelet she made with Gwyn and Emerie is glowing, telling her to go north, and apparently she Made the charms into beacons when her wish was to always be able to find their way back to each other. as she runs north, she knows she needs to find food, water, and shelter bc it looks like snow is coming. someone shoots an arrow at her and then tells her to get up when she falls. Cassian and Azriel find Briallyn’s stronghold.

chapter 66: the male Illyrian is smaller than the other but he has a bow and arrow and tells Nesta to give him her weapons. Nesta asks if there was a female where he came from and he calls Emerie a “cr*ppled bitch” and say she left her to the others bc Nesta is “better prey”. Nesta pretends to acquiesce to his demands and then throws the dagger at his groin, and he screams in pain. as he screams, she charges him and knocks him down, then pulls the knife free, steals his bow and arrows, and runs in the direction he came from, leaving him there to bleed out. she finds a group of Illyrians filling canteens at a stream and talking to each other, and listens in but doesn’t hear anything about any women where they came from, and then hears one of them say that Emerie escaped but would have made good entertainment. turns out Emerie went down the river but may have died in the rapids, so Nesta goes looking and finds Emerie clinging to a tree. Nesta strips to cross the river for Emerie. Nesta uses Emerie’s nightgown to tie her to Nesta’s body bc Emerie is unconscious, then crosses the river again, covers Emerie with the dry clothes, and then gathers wood to make a fire. Nesta holds Emerie for skin to skin warmth. she makes a plan to survive the night, help Emerie, and then find Gwyn. Nesta starts looking for a cave and a male Illyrian shows up and says “the entrance is here” and even though she is barely clothed, she senses no lust or hatred in him. the Illyrian points out the cave and says it’s big enough to fit inside, and that they won’t survive the night on the ground. he says that bc she’s not scaling a tree, it’s clear she has someone hurt with her, but she doesn’t say anything. he says he saw the man she killed, wonders who dropped weapons here, and that he has no quarrel with her, and will go to Ramiel by a less traveled path. he’s spending the night in the cave and invites her to do the same. she says so he can steal her weapons and he says no bc he knows who she is and wouldn’t be so stupid. she says it’s the Blood Rite and that he’d be forgiven, and he says faerug would not forgive him for killing her sister. he swears an oath on someone named Enalius to not kill Nesta or whoever she’s with. she counters with not to harm them in any way either, or have anyone else do the same, and he swears to that too. she asks for help carrying Emerie. we learn the guy’s name is Balthazar, and he gives Emerie his wool cloak to lay beneath. they sit on either side of Emerie to keep her warm. Nesta says that, by dawn, Balthazar needs to be gone, and he says he’ll be glad to bc the beasts in the forest might scent Emerie’s blood and come looking. she asks why he isn’t out there killing everyone, and he says bc he wants to reach Ramiel and become Oristian, but if he finds someone he wants to kill he will. they hear snapping branches and a howl, and Balthazar says they’ll be patrolling all night, but many Illyrians forget that. Balthazar offers to take first watch and Nesta says fine but she doesn’t sleep at all that night. Illyrians scream all night as the beasts hunt. Balthazar says she’ll find plenty of clothes today, says good luck, and leaves. she sees that countless bodies lay scattered around, many half-eaten. back in Cassian’s POV, they’re unable to find Eris in the lands surrounding Briallyn’s castle. Azriel asks a human merchant if he’s seen a male fae and he says yes, he saw one with red hair dragged into the castle the night before last but that he’s to be taken somewhere soon. Azriel says they’ll wait here until night and then follow them with cloud cover. Azriel and Cassian don’t talk about the bargain fey///sand made. Cassian knows he’d feel if Nesta died bc of the mating bond. Nesta looks through the bodies for clothes and supplies: two canteens, another dagger, and someone’s half-eaten rabbit dinner. when Nesta returns to the cave, Emerie is awake and asks after Gwyn, and Nesta dresses Emerie in better-fitting clothes and uses the charm to find Gwyn is to the south, which hadn’t changed since yesterday.

chapter 67: Emerie explains that she’d been attacked and chased by the Illyrians, leapt into the river as a last-ditch escape, and knocked her head on a rock. they pass many other Illyrians as they head south. some of them are solo and ignore them, while others are fighting in packs. a day passes and they find another cave to spend the night in. Emerie takes first watch and Nesta sleeps, and in the morning more beasts killed more Illyrians. it starts to snow. Emerie smells fire and they think it might belong to Gwyn bc the charms also tell them to go that way. they see Gwyn’s nightgown but no Gwyn, and they see a group of Illyrians around a fire but no Gwyn, and then Emerie is captured. Cassian and Azriel are still watching the castle but Cassian wonders if Briallyn knows they’re here and are waiting for them to make a move. Azriel can’t tell if Eris is even still alive. Cassian says they should break in and Azriel says the castle is too well-protected. one of the Illyrians says that Nesta and Emerie are stupid females for falling for the nightgown. Nesta demands to know where Gwyn is and they say they haven’t seen her, they only found the nightgown lying somewhere. one of the Illyrians who captured them is Emerie’s cousin from that day in her shop. Nesta asks if he sabotaged the Rite with weapons, and he says he wouldn’t call it sabotage and neither would some nameless “she” who Nesta suspects is Briallyn. a monster attacks before the Illyrians can make good on their threats. Nesta shouts at Emerie to run and grabs their weapons, and Emerie grabs a sword, and then hears a female voice shout at them to come her way. Gwyn is waiting for them in stolen clothes and leads them far away. she says she woke up before the others, and Nesta wonders if it’s bc she and Gwyn aren’t Illyrian, and Gwyn explains everything she’s been up to. she also lead the monster to the Illyrians holding Emerie and Nesta. Gwyn says they really came looking for her, and Emerie says of course bc that’s what sisters do.

chapter 68: as night falls, Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn climb a tree with no caves to be seen. they use a rope Gwyn found to tie them to the tree so they can rest. Gwyn asks Emerie what she knows about the Rite. they trade watches to sleep. in the morning, sun shines and Gwyn climbs the tree to find that Ramiel is days away to the northeast, leaving them a day to climb it should they reach it. there’s a ravine with a wooden bridge they can reach first if they run, so they run. they see six Illyrians, who sprint toward the ravine when they see Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn, and the three of them give chase. Nesta decides they need to intercept them to make it to the ravine first, and then they fight the Illyrians. they kill all six. Cassian says he and Azriel have been sitting on their asses for four days. Azriel points out a lot of spying is waiting for people to do anything, and Cassian says that’s why he quit spying, and Azriel says spying suits him. Azriel reassures Cassian that they trained Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie well. someone leaves the castle and the fly into the sky to watch. they see that Briallyn snared Eris with the Crown, and Azriel points out that he’s still carrying the Made dagger. if he’d been under her control, she’d have taken it from him. Cassian calls him a traitor and Azriel says they need to follow them to see who they’re meeting with. Nesta and co haven’t reached the ravine before another group of Illyrians shows up with bows and arrows. they keep running even as arrows rain down, and Emerie reaches the bridge first. Nesta makes it across with Emerie, but Gwyn was shot in the thigh on the other side. she yells at them to cut the bridge and she stands up but can’t make it across the bridge in time, so Nesta ties the rope they have around the tree, then around one of her arrows, and shoots it toward Gwyn. Gwyn wraps the rope around her waist and yells at them to cut the bridge. Nesta cuts the bridge while Gwyn runs across it, and then as the bridge falls the rope around Gwyn catches her. the Illyrians behind her fall to the ravine. Emerie and Nesta pull Gwyn up to the top of the ravine, the Illyrians on the other side yelling at them. they remove the arrow from Gwyn’s leg and bind it, but she’s slowing their pace. they encounter no one else and by the time night falls they’ve made it to the foot of Ramiel, but Gwyn isn’t doing well. Nesta wakes up before dawn, then makes sure Gwyn is still alive and the wound isn’t infected. Nesta says that only twelve have made it this far in the Rite, and that they’ve already become Oristian. Gwyn says they should keep going when Nesta suggests hiding instead of climbing it, and Gwyn says so rather than try and fail they’d rather not try at all, and Emerie says not if it costs Gwyn her life. Gwyn asks if it’s really living to take the safe road, and that she’s tired of hiding in the library and that she doesn’t want to take the safe road, she wants to take the dangerous one with Nesta and Emerie. Emerie says they call it the Breaking for a reason, Nesta says they haven’t eaten in days and they’re down to the last of their water. Gwyn explains what happened with her sister, how and why she was beheaded, and tells them how she was gang-raped. then Azriel arrived and killed everyone, followed by Mor and riceman. Mor healed her and brought her to the library. she says working with Merrill helped her recover. she says she saw Nesta appear at the library and knows that Catrin, Gwyn’s twin, would’ve been the first to sign up for the training, so Gwyn did, too. and then Emerie starts talking about what happened to her, about her dad beating her so badly she once broke her back. he beat her mother, too, and when she died made Emerie dig her grave. she came to training bc she knew her dad would’ve forbidden it. Nesta then explains why she came to the House of Wind and who she was before it. Nesta says that neither of them failed anyone, and Gwyn says that she didn’t either, and they decide to climb Ramiel.

chapter 69: Eris and the caravan head east for three days. they see that Eris isn’t chained and rides beside Briallyn, but they don’t see the Crown. they enter a forest that Azriel says he’s never been to but reminds him of the Middle. Eris’s caravan halts by a lake and Azriel and Cassian land to begin tracking on foot. Eris says “Over here, Cassian” and Cassian turns and Eris holds a knife to his ribs. Nesta and co climb the mountain. Nesta wonders if the Breaking also messes with their minds bc she can’t turn hers off and Gwyn and Emerie look haunted. they rest a little and then keep climbing. at nightfall, Emerie says it looks like they’re 2/3 of the way up. Gwyn says she needs to rest, her leg bleeding. Emerie also twisted her ankle. she says that the Pass of Enalius isn’t too far ahead and that if they can make it it’s a clear shot to the top of the mountain. Nesta tells Emerie to let Gwyn rest. Gwyn spots Bellius, Emerie’s cousin, and other Illyrians making their way up the mountain. Nesta tells Gwyn to get on her back and they climb up the mountain. back with Cassian and Azriel, Eris holds Cassian with the dagger to his ribs. Cassian says that he always knew Eris was a lying bastard but this is low, and Eris says he’s disappointed in riceman, who didn’t even bother to look into his mind. Azriel says that Eris is a “dead male walking” and Eris refers to Mor as “the Morrigan” which clues Cassian in that Eris isn’t himself bc he never refers to her like that, and Cassian tells Briallyn, wherever she is, to let Eris go and come play with them instead, and Eris removes the dagger from Cassian’s side and Briallyn says that she’s already playing with them. back with Nesta, they reach the Pass of Enalius and Emerie says she’s standing where none of her ancestors ever stood before. they keep climbing but then fall back to the Pass of Enalius. Nesta says she can’t carry Gwyn anymore and Gwyn says so they rest a minute and then keep trying. Nesta says she can hold the Illyrians off while Emerie and Gwyn keep climbing. Gwyn refuses to leave her. Nesta hugs Gwyn and then knocks her out, and asks if Emerie can carry her the rest of the way, or at least until dawn. Emerie gives her all the weapons and Nesta tells her to take the canteen and lies that she has enough. Emerie says Gwyn will never forgive Nesta for this and Nesta says she knows. Nesta ties Gwyn onto Emerie’s back and Emerie asks her to come with them again, and Nesta says to consider it a repayment of a debt for being her friend, and Emerie says there is no debt, and Nesta insists there is. Emerie goes and Nesta turns to face the approaching Illyrians. Cassian knows that with Eris in Briallyn’s grip there’s little choice in doing anything, and refuses to consider himself or Azriel becoming locked in the Crown’s grip. the party that Eris and Briallyn traveled in has vanished, and Cassian wonders if they were even real. Briallyn removes her cloak and reveals there’s nothing there, and Koschei says it’s an animated kernel of magic and they’re by his lake. Nesta sees that Emerie is on the straight path to the top of the mountain and then gathers her weapons and shield.

chapter 70: Bellius sends the others through the pass toward Nesta first. Nesta fights them and wonders what she could have done with her sword in her hand, and then tells us the meaning of Ataraxia.

chapter 71: Azriel asks Koschei where Briallyn is. Koschei says he spent so many months preparing for them and now they don’t want to talk to him, and Cassian tells him to let Eris go and then they’ll talk. he hopes they can’t tell that the dagger Eris holds is Made. Azriel’s shadows seem to give a warning and he tells Cassian to run and then grabs Eris and flies into the sky, but Cassian is held in place, and Koschei tells Briallyn she can take Cassian now bc there’s plenty of time before dawn, and she emerges from the trees. Koschei says to tell Vassa he’s waiting. Briallyn says she has need of Cassian and then tells Koschei to winnow them. back with Nesta, she’s exhausted but only Bellius remains. Bellius tells her that the Illyrian god, the first of the Illyrians, fought against enemies right where Nesta stands. he says that Enalius, the god, died after three days, climbing to the sacred stone atop the mountain to die. he says it’s why they do this ”stupid thing,” to honor him. Gwyn and Emerie both touched the stone and were winnowed away by its magic. Nesta says it looks like Bellius didn’t win, and he says he never wanted to win, only wanted this, and then attacks her.

chapter 72: Nesta knows she only has to hold Bellius off until dawn, when the Rite ends. they fight and snow begins to fall. he knocks her sword and shield away and then starts cutting at her. he asks if Nesta honestly thinks she can beat him and she says yes, dodges a strike, and then smashes her hand into his nose, and says this:

And Nesta hissed, “Because my mate taught me well.”

chapter 73: they launch themselves at each other again. after more fighting, she falls and can’t get up, and Bellius approaches, but before he can kill her he’s killed by Cassian. Cassian helps her up and then says he’s going to cut her throat. in Cassian’s head, we see him trying to break free of Briallyn’s control. Nesta tries to break through to him, but then Briallyn says he’s hers and Nesta turns to see Briallyn.

chapter 74: Briallyn stands on the pass. Nesta launches herself away from Cassian when his arms loosen, but he remains still as a statue. Briallyn reveals that her plan was to nab the “maimed one” (Emerie) after having Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn brought to the Rite. Briallyn says she saw how much Nesta cared for Emerie when they were connected via the Harp ages ago. Briallyn wanted Nesta here so she doesn’t have magic, and Nesta says she was worn down days ago, why didn’t she come sooner, and Briallyn says she was waiting for Cassian. Nesta can see that rage is in Cassian’s eyes now, breaking through the glassy veneer. she says she had to use Eris to draw Cassian to her. when Eris’s soldiers came to capture him, he tried to help them, but they took him. Briallyn says that Bellius was a “hateful brute” just like Cassian. she told Bellius to hunt Nesta down but not kill her, and surmises she wasn’t precise enough in her wording to Bellius. Nesta asks why Briallyn is doing this and why she doesn’t want peace, and Briallyn says what she wants is the Trove, not peace, and that Cassian is the only person who can make Nesta summon the Trove. Briallyn says that once she has the Trove she’ll leave Cassian and Nesta unscathed, and Nesta scents the lie, and then Cassian breaks the control to say “Don’t” and Briallyn makes him close his mouth again but the glassiness isn’t in his eyes anymore. Nesta says no and Briallyn says she’ll have to try to convince her, and Cassian attacks her and Nesta has no strength to fight back. Cassian pleads with his eyes for Nesta to stop him. Briallyn says that it’ll kill him to kill his mate. Nesta says that if she’s dead Briallyn won’t get the Trove, and Briallyn says there’s others in the NC as “delusional” as Nesta. Cassian is ordered to kill, but Briallyn never specified who, so he tries to kill himself and Nesta “erupted with the force of the Cauldron.” the entire world shakes as Nesta does so, and then she attacks Briallyn and sucks her life from her until she pretty much vanishes.

chapter 75: Cassian lies facedown on the ground and Nesta runs toward him and he reveals he’s alive and she starts to cry. Cassian says Nesta Unmade Briallyn. Nesta calls Cassian her mate and then they kiss. Mor and Azriel appear. Cassian asks after Eris, and Azriel says he’s safe in the Hewn City and the Made dagger is back in their possession. Mor says “It’s Feyre”

chapter 76: the river house is silent and Mor says faerug started to bleed a few hours ago. Mor takes Nesta to faerug, whose legs are covered in blood. she’s pale and barely breathing and riceman is scared. Madja says she turned the baby but he’s stuck in the birth canal. after faerug says to do it, Madja says they could cut the baby out but it and faerug would die. Elain appears and takes Nesta’s hand and they start praying. Madja gets the tools and tells riceman to go into faerug’s mind to take away her pain, and faerug says no goodbyes. then Madja swears and riceman screams. Cassian and Azriel pull riceman away from faerug. Cassian sees Nesta wearing the Mask, Crown, and holding the Harp, and she moves toward the bed with her eyes full of silver fire, and riceman lunges for her but Nesta holds up her hand to stop him and he does. Nesta plays the twenty-sixth string.

chapter 77: the twenty-sixth string is Time itself. Nesta stops it as faerug “took her last breath.” Nesta walks through the frozen-in-time room to stop by faeurg. Nesta tells faerug she loves her. Nesta says that if she’s shown how to save faerug, the Cauldron can have its magic back. time resumes. Nesta says she gives it all back again and again and light flows from her to faerug (idk man). light keeps flowing around faerug and, as the light fades, Nesta is marked with another tattoo bargain with the Cauldron.

Yet Cassian could have sworn a luminescent, gentle hand prevented the light from leaving her body altogether.

chapter 77 continued: riceman rushes to faerug, who looks healthy again, and she turns to Nesta and says she loves her, too. then the baby starts to cry. Madja says that it appears faerug now has Illyrian anatomy. she also tells faerug to feed him. riceman falls to his knees in front of Nesta and thanks her, weeping. she hugs him.

chapter 78: Gwyn and Emerie are waiting in the parlor of the river house. Gwyn says she should never forgive Nesta, but Nesta just hugs her and Emerie and says they won. Mor took the Trove back to the place Nesta summong them from. Nesta asks how Emerie and Gwyn are healed and she says the stone did it. Nesta asks Emerie if her family will punish her for what happened to Bellius, and Emerie says that deaths happen in the Rite. the book waxes poetic about Nyx, fey///sand’s baby. Cassian holds the baby and he and faerug coo over him. riceman is still pale and shaken. Nesta walks in and looks at Cassian, silently requesting something, and he gives the baby to faerug. they go outside and Cassian asks if Nesta’s magic is really all gone. Nesta says she gave it all back but some of it’s still there and she thinks something or someone else stopped it from giving it all back. she also made some changes of her own. Cassian realizes it’s the Mother, who would have seen Nesta’s sacrifice and saved some magic for her. he asks what changes Nesta made. she said she changed herself a little so she can survive a birth. Cassian is shocked and asks if she’s ready to have a baby and she says no, she’ll be drinking her tea for a while yet. she says she wants a “disgustingly ornate” mating ceremony, and Cassian says they’ll never hear the end of it from Mor and Azriel. she gives him a biscuit instead then and says it’s part of the ceremony, to offer the mate food, and Cassian laughs and says his options are a stale biscuit or a frilly ceremony, and she says yes. he says they’ll make a coronation of it and she says she already has a crown. Cassian starts to think about everything they have to do and Nesta says they’ll think about that all later, and then tells him “I love you.”

chapter 79: two days after Nyx’s birth, Cassian goes to meet with Eris in the Hewn City. Eris says he can’t stay long and Cassian says “good”. they want to know what Eris told Beron. Eris says that Beron knows Cassian “assisted” him when he was kidnapped. Cassian wonders if Beron tortured him and Eris explains the lies he gave him in answer. Eris tells him to not pity him. Cassian asks why Eris left Mor in the forest that day. Eris says that Cassian isn’t the person he wants to explain himself to. Eris says that Beron might be stupid enough to try to ally with Koschei. Cassian goes to leave, then stops.

chapter 80: as spring blooms, faerug and Nyx are well enough to leave the house, and they go on walks around the house with riceman or Mor with them, both really protective. Cassian and Azriel are too. one day, Nesta, faerug and Elain all go on a walk. we learn Nesta and Cassian have sex a lot and he calls her mate all the time. Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie told Cassian and Azriel everything that happened, and the two of them made lists of what to fix during training, which doesn’t stop even though they’ve passed the Rite. Gwyn says she might leave the library to come to the mating ceremony in three days. Nesta wants an outrageous party but not a big crowd, and so the temple is done up and riceman promises it’ll be what she hopes for. riceman gave Cassian and Nesta the House of Wind, since it decided it liked Nesta more than anyone else, as a wedding gift, with the library still belonging to the priestesses and the house being used for formal occasions. faerug painted Nesta holding the line at the Pass of Enalius as a gift. Nesta had let riceman see some of the Rite but had no idea it had been to give faerug ideas for a painting. now, Elain, faerug, and Nesta go to visit their dad’s grave so they can show Nyx and vice versa. faerug says “Your grandson, Father”. faerug had asked Nesta if she wanted to go with them that morning, and Nesta had said yes. Nesta lingers by the gravestone and tries to think of something to say, like an explanation or apology, but nothing comes. she says she’s going to live the rest of her life deserving the love of the people who love her. she leaves the carving she took from the cottage at the gravestone. she says “thank you” to him and hears Cassian flying overhead, making sure she’s all right, and she thinks “busybody” but blows him a kiss. then she turns and joins her sisters, who beckon to her from halfway down the hill.

#anti sjm #anti acosf #myth and kat read acosf #spoilers #acosf recap #long post

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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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part 2 of my ac0sf recap will cover chapters 21 - 40

part 1 with the intro - chapter 20 can be found here

chapter 21: after Elain says she will be the one to track down the Dread Trove, Nesta immediately jumps up to say “no” to protect Elain. Elain says that Nesta can’t control her, Nesta says “I thought you didn’t have powers anymore,” and Elain says “I thought you didn’t either.” Amren jumps in to say that Nesta will find the Trove, then, and Nesta says that she doesn’t know how to find anything. Amren says that, bc Nesta was Made by the Cauldron, so she can track other Made objects, and Nesta and Elain are both immune to the Trove’s power: they can use them, but they can’t be used against them. Nesta doesn’t know how to find it, Elain says she will, then, and Nesta says “absolutely not.” they argue, Elain says to find her when they’re ready to look for the Trove, and leaves. Nesta asks why faerug can’t look for the Trove herself and faerug says it’s bc she’s pregnant. fae have a month longer pregnancy than humans. we learn that faerug is two months along. Nesta says “congratulations” (and i love her). faerug can’t do magic while pregnant bc she’s not sure how it would impact the baby. Elain needs time to See the Trove (yes both are capitalized), but faerug suggest Nesta could try scrying again. Nesta agrees to search for the Trove. Nesta goes to wait for Cassian to finish talking with riceman, and faerug shows up and says she’ll wait for Cassian with Nesta (bc Cassian has to fly her back to the House of Wind). faerug tells Nesta that the baby is a boy, and Nesta asks how she can possibly know that, and faerug tells her about the Bone Carver showing her a vision of the baby she’d have. faerug says she didn’t know how much she wanted a boy until she got pregnant, Nesta says it’s probably bc she’s had an awful time with sisters, faerug says she didn’t mean it like that, Nesta shrugs. faerug tries to take some of the blame for how Elain is handling her trauma. faerug didn’t tell Elain it’s a boy bc she wanted to tell Nesta first. Nesta doesn’t understand why, thinks faerug is keeping score, but faerug says that she just wanted to tell Nesta bc Nesta is her sister.

chapter 22: back in the House of Wind, in the sitting room that separates their bedchambers (gay?), Azriel asks if Cassian thinks that Nesta can find the Trove. Cassian says he hopes so and understands why she would do it to protect Elain, bc Cassian would do the same with riceman and Azriel. Azriel says Nesta should try scrying, Cassian says he’s not sure Nesta can do it, Azriel points out that he’s seen Nesta’s powers in her eyes, so she should be capable. Cassian says they need to let Nesta do this her way, bc ordering her would only backfire. they talk about the fey///sand baby, Cassian asks Azriel if he’d ever want children, Azriel says it doesn’t matter what he wants. Azriel asks if Cassian wants children, and Cassian immediately thinks of that sex scene bw him and Nesta in the hall, and is again embarrassed that he didn’t get her to finish, too. then he tells Azriel that, yes, he does want children, but keeps to himself that he’s holding out for the mating bond. Cassian gets up and leaves and tells Azriel to turn a blind eye as chaperone. Nesta is lying in bed reading when there’s a knock on the door. she says “Yes?” and Cassian enters. her hair is down, and Cassian says he’s never seen it down. she says it’s a nuisance when it’s down and he says it’s beautiful. she smells his arousal, he says he’s here to settle the debt bw them bc he didn’t get her off the night before in the hall. she asks why he’s here, bc he made it clear last night was a mistake, and he says he never said that. they agree that this stays out of training and is “just sex”. she says yes and Cassian lunges for her. they have sex. well, he makes her orgasm and says they’re even now and makes to leave.

chapter 23: Cassian says that watching Nesta have an orgasm is like a religious experience. Cassian waits for Nesta in the training ring, and when Nesta arrives Azriel is with her, and he smirks bc apparently he can smell Nesta on Cassian and Cassian on Nesta. Azriel says he wants to get some training done before he has other things to do, and Cassian says they’re doing hand-to-hand combat, which is Azriel’s least favorite thing bc he doesn’t like the smell of armpit sweat. Nesta wants to see how Azriel and Cassian fight. they both get ready. Azriel says that he’s been training up here at night, and Cassian asks if it’s bc he can’t sleep, and Azriel says “something like that.” they spar. Azriel wins. Cassian wonders and thinks that Nesta is horny. they train. later, in the library, Nesta asks Gwyn what she knows of the Dread Trove, but Gwyn has never heard of it. Nesta tells Gwyn about the Trove, but keeps the people involved out of it, and Gwyn is wide-eyed and scared at the end that Nesta has to find it. (earlier, before she got to the library, Nesta pictured having a threesome with herself, Azriel, and Cassian.) she wants Gwyn’s help finding the Trove. Nesta says that Gwyn could come to training if she wanted, and Gwyn says it’s not for her bc she’s not a warrior and points at Nesta’s fighting leathers. Nesta asks if it’s Cassian who makes her hesitate about training. Gwyn feels shame and fear, and Nesta lets the conversation drop. Nesta goes to the 10,000 steps and thinks about what she needs to do with the Trove. by the time she reaches step 2,000, she knows what to do.

chapter 24: five days later, Cassian is before Clotho, watching her magic pen write shit. he thinks about how brutalized Clotho was before she got to the library and how he made a point to never look at her hands or face. Cassian thinks about how his mom would have needed a place like this, but she was dead by the time riceman made it. Clotho evidently called Cassian in bc Nesta has been practicing (we don’t know what yet) in the library, and she’s asked Nesta to stop several times and Nesta has ignored her each time. ah, okay, she’s practicing in the library (and i think teaching the other priestesses how to punch and fight), and Clotho wants her to stop bc it’s distracting the other priestesses. Cassian asks if Nesta’s work is suffering for it, and Clotho says no but that’s beside the point. Cassian says he’ll talk to her and asks for permission to enter the library, which Clotho gives and says that Nesta is on Level Five. they both talk about how Nesta is really stubborn: Clotho says she has a “will of iron,” and Cassian counters with “of steel.” Cassian finds Nesta, notes how sexy she is bc she’s gained a lot of muscle as a High Fae in three weeks (which is something a human couldn’t do), explains how her punch is incorrect, then immediately tells her to stop practicing, only to then, also immediately, tell her to show him a combination of punches. Cassian notices that a bunch of priestesses are watching the two of them--or, more specifically, watching Nesta--but as soon as he looks at them they scatter, apart from Gwyn. it turns out she screwed with her punch bc she wanted the priestesses to see Cassian teach her. yet, the sign-up sheet remains blank that evening. Nesta believes that sorrow is drifting off Clotho bc she wanted to see names on the sign-up sheet, too. Nesta goes to the 10,000 steps but only makes it to step 900 before she turns around and climbs back up, all the while wondering if she was arrogant to believe that all the priestesses needed was physical training to overcome their trauma. when she returns to her room, the house gives her a bound manuscript called The Dance of Battle, and ignores her when she says it can take it away bc it’s not her usual thing. when she picks it up, though, it turns out that it was Cassian who left her the manuscript, which he has evidently read a lot, not the house (she can smell Cassian’s scent on the manuscript). she reads it all night, even while eating dinner in her room. evidently, the Dance of Battle is a book about warfare, and she recalls how Cassian knows how to lead armies, since she’s seen him do so. Nesta wonders if it matters that the priestesses don’t sign up, and she decides that it does matter. however, the next morning, Gwyn signs up to train.

chapter 25: Nesta and Cassian wait for Gwyn to show up, and when she does she says she knows she doesn’t have the right clothes. Gwyn is especially nervous bc this is the first time she’s been outside, “truly outside,” in years. Cassian says he can teach Gwyn in her robes, if that’s more comfortable for her, and she says she’ll try today in the robes and decide after that. Cassian tells Nesta to show Gwyn “her feet,” aka the proper stance. Gwyn has an easier time of finding the proper stances than Nesta did. Gwyn explains they used to do “grounding” exercises in the temple of Sangravah, and Nesta asks why she signed up, then, if she already knew those things, and Gwyn says it’s bc she doesn’t want to “feel powerless again.” Nesta says “me too.” after Gwyn’s second lesson (maybe the next day? it’s not specified), Cassian has to go up into the Illyrian Mountains and takes Nesta with him after telling Clotho that Nesta would be a couple hours late to the library. Nesta agreed to go with Cassian if he would drop her off at Windhaven so she could go shopping, and she enters Emerie’s shop. Cassian is up here to meet with Eris. Emerie says it’s good to see Nesta, and Nesta thinks that’s relief in her voice, bc there’s a drunk male Illyrian in the shop. the man, Bellius, won’t leave, tells Nesta to wait her turn and calls her a witch, and Nesta says that she has an appointment bc Bellius told Emerie that they’re done when he says they’re done. Bellius asks Nesta if she even knows who he is, and she says “a drunk fool wasting my time,” and i love her. Bellius says that his father sent him to convey a message, and Emerie says the message has been received, to which the “answer is the same: This story is mine.” Bellius continues to linger, Nesta says he needs to get out, he says “or what?” and she says he doesn’t want to know the “or what” part. he finally leaves and Emerie explains he’s her cousin, who is due to participate in the Blood Rite this spring, so he’s hyped on his own celebrity. Nesta asks if Bellius will return and Emerie says no. he’s a member of the Ironcrest war-band. Emerie says that Nesta is looking better, and wondered where she was, and Nesta says they moved their training to the House of Wind. Emerie was about to write Nesta a letter when Bellius returned, bc she knows they can make fleece-lined fighting leathers but they won’t be cheap, and Nesta says then it’s beyond her means, so Emerie suggests paying it off in parts. Nesta recalls breaking it off with Tomas, who launched himself at her and tried to rape her until she bit his ear and ripped it, and then ran to her cottage, where news had arrived that her father’s ships had been found but were, in actuality, payment from Tamlin. Nesta says no to Emerie’s offer, though it’s kind, so Emerie says that she’s about to take her lunch break and invites Nesta to join her. Nesta agrees, though she’s fearful that Emerie will discover who Nesta used to be (Nesta claims she was like Bellius--bc her self-esteem is really shot, thanks to the Inner Circlejerk, though she doesn’t realize that) and decide she wants nothing to do with her. they go into the backroom of Emerie’s shop, where there’s a kitchen, and Nesta asks if it’s just Emerie here, and Emerie says yes, no “mate or husband to bother me”. Nesta says “me neither,” and Emerie asks what about about Cassian, and Nesta recalls their last sex scene and then quickly says “not a chance.” Emerie says she grows her own vegetables in the garden behind her shop, and they talk about spices and how Illyrians don’t seem to like them. Nesta explains her dad used to trade in spices all over the world, and Emerie asks if she ever traveled with him, and Nesta says it wasn’t appropriate for women to do so, and Emerie says she forgot how similar human and Illyrian customs are. Emerie asks if she would’ve gone, had she been able to, and Nesta considers the question, and then says she would have eventually yielded to her curiosity to travel. Emerie asks if she has relatives in the human world still, and Nesta explains many family members died and/or forgot about them as soon as they fell on hard times. Nesta asks about Emerie’s family, and Emerie says her mother died giving birth to her, her brother died in a skirmish bw war-bands, and her dad died in the war with Hybern. Emerie gets to keep this store bc riceman changed inheritance laws years ago to include women, though Bellius etc try to take it from her. Nesta asks if she’d ever move away and Emerie says no, she’s never even left the village, hasn’t even been up the nearest mountain visible through her kitchen window. Nesta invites Emerie to come to training, Emerie says she’s thankful for the offer but no, she wouldn’t have anyone to take her, she’s not interested in a warrior’s life, and it wouldn’t win her many patrons in the village. back in Cassian’s POV, Cassian says that, “for a spoiled, soulless asshole, Eris had his uses.” one of them includes warming them up where they’re meeting. Eris says he’s never heard of the Dread Trove. Cassian asks if Eris’s dad has ever heard of it, and Eris says no. we learn it took him days to agree to meet with Cassian in the not-quote-neutral ground of the Steppes, but they were empty enough it felt safe. Eris says that, if the Trove has sentience, it might be reaching out to others besides just Briallyn and Koschei. Briallyn evidently didn’t tell Beron about her “quest for the Trove,” and Eris says she evidently doesn’t trust him, either, and that Eris will need to think on this. Cassian warns Eris to not tell Beron anything, and Eris says he wouldn’t tell him anything, then wonders if this is why Mor is back in Vallahan. Cassian lies and says “maybe” bc Eris doesn’t need to know she’s there trying to get them to sign the treaty. when Eris leaves, Cassian hopes that the cold and pine scent will wash away his irritation and discomfort, but “for some reason, it lingered.”

chapter 26: Nesta waited for Cassian in riceman’s mother’s house after her time with Emerie and when Cassian came to get her, his face was “tight” and he didn’t say much before he left again after bringing her back to the House of Wind. Nesta feels restless and goes to the dining room to eat, where Cassian is with a glass of wine that vanishes as soon as she enters bc the house is under strict orders that there is to be no wine when she’s in the room. Nesta asks if something happened with the queens or the Trove bc Cassian is brooding, and he says no, Eris was just his “charming self” today. she says she asked Emerie to join training, Cassian guesses she said no, Nesta said she did but that if she changes her mind someone can winnow her down to the House of Wind. he’s still brooding, so she asks again what’s wrong, and Cassian finally explains his meeting with Eris. Nesta doesn’t understand why Eris wanting to help find the Trove is a bad thing. Cassian explains that he simply hates Eris, and that every time they meet Cassian feels like Eris has the upper hand bc he’s better with words than Cassian is. he looks sad, so Nesta rounds the table to lean against the table beside his plate and says that riceman should just kill him, and Cassian says that either he or Mor should be the ones to kill him, but no matter what Cassian thinks of him, Eris would evidently be a better High Lord than Beron so they have to keep the Autumn Court in mind. Cassian is still sad and broody, so Nesta kisses his neck and Cassian looks about to push her away and she says “let me” and he lets her and then she gives him a hand/blow job (it starts out as a hand job). Nesta wants Cassian to “unleash himself” and then we switch to Cassian’s POV. Cassian wants to fuck Nesta and she unbuttons her pants but then Azriel makes noise out in the hall so they can know he’s coming and they separate. Nesta leaves. Azriel tells Cassian to save something for later (implying Cassian and Nesta shouldn’t fuck rn)

chapter 27: Nesta isn’t sure how she can face Cassian the next morning, but luckily Gwyn is there as a buffer. Nesta asks if she’s found anything on the Dread Trove, and Gwyn says no, even after asking Merrill. Gwyn asks if there’s another way, Nesta knows that that way involves “bones and stones,” and so she lies and says that there is no other way. after training, Cassian is going to Windhaven. Nesta has no regrets over what happened in the dining room. Cassian says he needs to inspect the legions again. we learn Gwyn is 28 and considered a “girl” to Cassian. Nesta says she likes her and Cassian is shocked bc he’s never heard her say that about anyone. Gwyn had apparently invited other priestesses to join them, but they were too scared. Nesta asks if Cassian can do Nesta a favor while he’s in Windhaven. Cassian goes to Emerie’s shop, makes a “nonthreatening smile,” and lays out the stuff in the sack that Nesta gave him. Emerie is really happy with the spices. Emerie asks Cassian to tell Nesta thank you, and Cassian says that Nesta said her thanks can be coming to training tomorrow. Emerie says that she’s already said no. Cassian goes to leave, thinks about how Nesta seems so much happier and calmer around Gwyn and Emerie over the Inner Circlejerk, and then immediately starts wondering about his and Nesta’s sex life, if it’s back to favor for favor, etc. Nesta climbs to the practice ring on the House of Wind, worried about how they’re unable to find the Dread Trove through research, and the only remaining option seems to be scrying, which scares her. Gwyn and Cassian are in the training ring, smiling, and then she sees Emerie there, too.

chapter 28: Emerie is a little clumsy and Cassian explains it has to do with her wings and how they’re supposed to exist as a counterweight, and many of the muscles in the wings can lost that function when they’re clipped. Cassian asked which healer clipped Emerie’s wings, she says it was her dad and that she fought him, which made the job messier and injured her wings further. she shows them the mobility of her wings, which is limited. Cassian is visibly angry and says her dad deserved to die, and Emerie says he deserved to die for more than just what he did to her wings. Cassian offers to get Madja, the Court’s private healer, and Emerie declines. Cassian looks about to say something more, and Nesta interrupts to get them back on track with training. Emerie throws Nesta a grateful look. Gwyn then asks Emerie some questions about libraries and Emerie visibly calms. Emerie says she’s never been in a library but loves to read, predominately romances, and offers to bring some milder ones to Gwyn, who tenses when she hears Cassian mutter something about “smut-obsessed females” in reference to an author’s romance novels. riceman shows up to collect Emerie and bring her back to Windhaven, and Emerie bows to him. Gwyn feels awe at seeing him and riceman smiles at her, then greets her, and Gwyn bows and says “my lord.” riceman then says “Nesta” and she says “Rhysand” and Cassian moves to stand beside her and throws an arm around her shoulders. riceman asks for entrance into Nesta’s mind and she lets him and he tells her that she’s to treat Gwyn with “kindness and respect” and Nesta tells him to mind his own business and locks him out of her mind. riceman doesn’t appear to like that Cassian has his arm around Nesta. Nesta goes to ask Emerie if she’ll be back tomorrow and she sees that Gwyn is moving away from Cassian and riceman, either to give them privacy or bc she doesn’t want to be alone with two men, and she makes a “mental note” to not leave Gwyn alone like that again. Nesta explains to us that she doesn’t dislike riceman for his leadership bc she thinks that’s actually good, but for his smugness. Emerie says she’ll come back tomorrow. Emerie explains that the spices weren’t the only thing that convinced her to come, but the reminder that there is a world beyond Windhaven. back in Cassian’s POV, Cassian says that he could have done without the mental warning riceman gave Nesta, and riceman asks how Cassian knows he did that. Cassian says he saw the way Nesta tensed and that he knows riceman well enough to know he’d see Gwyn and feel the need to instantly warn Nesta to be kind. riceman asks if that’s what pissed him off and Cassian says he’s pissed bc riceman can’t seem to find one good thing about her and wonders why it’s necessary to bait her. riceman looks angry, and Cassian says “You’re not making it easier. Let her build these bonds, and stay the hell out of it” and riceman says that he will. riceman asks if Cassian really felt the need to put his arm around Nesta, and Cassian says that riceman has a pregnant mate, so he’d kill anyone who presents a threat to her, and riceman says he’s never kill anyone faerug loves, Cassian “knows that”, and Cassian just claps him on the shoulder bc he apparently believes him. as riceman flies away to bring Emerie back to Windhaven, he tells Cassian he doesn’t know what they’ve been doing in the house but it reeks of sex, and Cassian says “a polite male never tells” and riceman says he knew asking Azriel to play chaperone would be useless.

chapter 29: Nesta makes it to step 3,000. she had been alone at dinner, Cassian and Azriel absent without telling her why. she believes it’s bc no one wants to be around her, after how she’s treated everyone the past year. she resolves to find the Dread Trove bc she’s failed every other task the Inner Circlejerk gave her. the house gives her a glass of water. she asks the house if it’s ever read any books by Sellyn Drake (the author that Emerie mentioned), and when she takes the house’s silence as a “no,” she says that a friend is bringing her a book tomorrow and that Nesta will share it. the house thanks her with a cool breeze, then gives her stones and bones (what she needs to use to scry) and Nesta says she can’t bc the last time she did it the Cauldron looked at her and took Elain, and the house takes the stones, bones, and breeze away, and Nesta thinks she smells disappointment as she begins to climb up the stairs. in Cassian’s POV, he’s at the monthly court dinner at the river house. faerug is already asleep bc she’s pregnant. Amren says that they need Nesta to find the Trove, and Cassian says they can’t push her and that she’s been looking. riceman argues that she’s had the priestesses looking, so he wouldn’t call that looking on Nesta’s part. Varian is there, also, his arm draped over the back of Amren’s chair, and wonders if they’ve asked Helion to look for information on the Trove in his libraries. Varian and Eris are the only two fae outside the Night Court to know of their search for the Trove, though it’s tenuous bc Varian serves Tarquin of the Summer Court. Varian had promised not to say anything, but if Tarquin ever asks about it, Varian will have his loyalties stretched. riceman says that Helion is a last resort. riceman says that Elain should try to find the Trove before they resort to Helion, and Cassian tells us that Elain already left when faerug did, claiming to have an early morning with an elderly faerie’s garden, but Cassian suspects something else based on her tense expression. Cassian says that Nesta would find the Trove before Elain if only to protect Elain. Amren says they can’t waste time and that they need Elain on it tomorrow, to which Azriel says there’s a darkness in the Trove Elain shouldn’t be exposed to, and Cassian growls “But Nesta should?” and everyone stares at him. Amren says that Nesta has a week to find the Trove using her methods before they have to resort to other actions. Amren says that Elain has more strength against the darkness of the Trove and that Azriel shouldn’t doubt her. Cassian says it’s not right to wield Elain as a weapon against Nesta to get her to do things, and Amren says there are harsher ways to convince her to do things, and Cassian says that Amren is a fool if she thinks threats will work on Nesta, to which everyone stills. Amren says that they’re running out of time, on the cusp of another war, and that if they need to wield Elain against Nesta to make Nesta do what they need her to, they will. Cassian says he doesn’t like it, Amren says he doesn’t have to, only has to shut up and do as he’s told, and riceman reprimands her by saying her name and Varian says that they’ve talked about being nice, and Amren softens a little and repeats that Nesta has a week. three days passed, with Gwyn and Nesta paired off bc they’re more advanced than Emerie, who Cassian focuses on. Emerie now stays for the entire two hours of their lessons, rather than just one. Gwyn finds Nesta one afternoon in the library and says that she doesn’t know how, but Merrill knows that Nesta swapped out that one book ages ago, and that Nesta should go now. Nesta wonders why it matters, and Gwyn starts to say that when Merrill is in a fury, but then Merrill interrupts and prompts her to continue. the full excerpt is here. we learn that Gwyn’s grandmother was a water-nymph who seduced a High Fae from the Autumn Court, and that Gwyn is a quarter nymph and she gestures at her eyes as proof and says that her bones are slightly more pliant than those of a High Fae. we learn that Gwyn had a twin sister. after the priestesses saw what Nesta did against Merrill, three show up to training. they look to Nesta, as if considering her the leader, and she looks to Cassian, who shrugs as if to say that he’s just the instructor, so Nesta steps up to the plate. later, Nesta asks the house to give her the bones and stones in the private library, with a map of all seven courts before her and Cassian behind her. Cassian comments that the house actually does listen to her. Cassian is there to help her in case something goes wrong. he has his hand on her back to comfort her and asks her what changed her mind to try scrying. Nesta says it was the priestesses facing their fears to come outside and train, and she realized she wasn’t facing her own fears. Cassian asks if she’s sure she wants to do this without riceman or Amren around, and she says she doesn’t need them. Nesta tries to scry, tells Cassian not to talk, and he moves closer. she tries to find the three objects of the Dread Trove but finds it hard to concentrate. she has a bout of PTSD and says she can’t do it, doesn’t think she has the power anymore, and Cassian says that he knows she has the power and should try again, but she says she can’t. she climbs into bed. she wakes up to some kind of darkness attacking her. Cassian wakes up and doesn’t know why, but the house signals to him that he needs to go, and goes up to Nesta’s room in time to hear her scream in terror. Azriel and Cassian find Nesta “bathed in silver fire”. Cassian tries to go to her but Azriel holds him back, and he heard Nesta say “no” over and over. the silver fire is about to explode when riceman appears, smothering it with his darkness, and he tries to wake Nesta up and tell her it’s just a dream. she won’t wake up and riceman keeps holding her down, and Cassian tells Azriel to let him go and he does, and Cassian goes toward Nesta and riceman despite the fact he doesn’t know if he can survive the power bw them. he says Nesta’s name. it seems to calm Nesta down, and then Cassian sees riceman enter Nesta’s head to talk to her. the nightmare or whatever ends and Nesta is calmly unconscious again, and Azriel asked what happened. riceman sits down, hands shaking, and neither Cassian nor Azriel know what to do, and Cassian asks if they should get faerug and riceman says no, she doesn’t come near here. Azriel asks if that silver fire was Nesta’s power, and riceman says “only the surface of it.” riceman says he went into her nightmare, then asks why Cassian didn’t tell him that they attempted a scrying today, and Cassian says it didn’t work. the scrying was the “trip wires” that triggered her PTSD from entering the Cauldron, which she was dreaming about. riceman saw what she took from the Cauldron and what the Cauldron took from her. riceman says he knew of her trauma but didn’t realize the breadth of it until he was in her nightmare. Azriel asks what her power is, and riceman says “Death. Pure death.”

chapter 30: Nesta recalls the dream, recalls a voice (Cassian) saying her name and that she reached for it, and then another voice (riceman) in her mind, kinder than she’s ever heard it, and it led her out of the nightmare. she finds Cassian asleep in a chair by her bed. she realizes the voices she heard were riceman and Cassian, but there’s no proof of riceman here, only Cassian. Nesta feels like crying, Cassian wakes up and they both say hello, he asks how she’s doing and she says she’s fine, then he asks if she wants to talk about it and she says no, so he suggests getting breakfast. at training, Emerie asks what happened to Nesta, as she looks “white as death,” and Nesta just says bad dreams. Gwyn asks if she has them often, Nesta says yes, Gwyn says that she does too and some nights has to have a sleeping potion from a healer. Emerie asks what Nesta dreamed about, she says the Cauldron and what it did to her, and Gwyn says she often dreams of her past, too. Nesta feels better for having talked to her friends about the bad dreams. Cassian is at the river house with riceman and riceman tells Cassian that they learned the baby has wings. faerug is forbidden from shapeshifting into her Illyrian form for the birth, which would protect her, at the risk it might hurt the baby. faerug doesn’t know (all the healer told her is that there’s more risk during labor) and riceman forbids Cassian and Azriel from telling her about the risks with the wings. Azriel points out that it’ll only be a matter of weeks before faerug starts to show and people will know of her pregnancy. Azriel says Eris will learn, and then says that Tamlin will learn. they fear what learning about the pregnancy will make Tamlin do. they need the Spring Court’s resources if there’s to be a war, so they decide that they need to send Lucien there to be their eyes and ears. riceman agrees, so Azriel goes to contact Lucien and Cassian takes riceman outside so they can fight out his fear and anger and blah blah.

chapter 31: Nesta is sitting at the dinner table when Cassian limps in after sparring with riceman. Nesta asks what happened, and Cassian says riceman needed an outlet bc the baby has wings and explains all the problems thereof. riceman is going to visit Miryam and Drakon bc Miryam doesn’t have wings but has given birth to all of Drakon’s children who have wings. riceman will do anything to protect faerug (except tell her the truth, i guess). Nesta says she’ll try scrying again after she regains strength bc she doesn’t want the baby to be born into a world of war, and Cassian says he wants riceman, Azriel, and Amren there in case something goes wrong again, to which Nesta agrees. Cassian asks why Nesta hasn’t sought him out (meaning sex) and she counters with why he hasn’t sought out her, and he says he’s been taking his cues from her and that she didnt seem interested in anything else after last time. she says she loved it when Cassian “fucked [her] mouth” and she walks toward him and asks if he wants to fuck her on the table, and he says yes everywhere. she kisses him but says that she has no interest in “bedding a male who looks like he’s been in a tavern brawl” and Cassian says they can put out the lights. Nesta says that as soon as Cassian is healed, they can fuck anywhere he wants in the house. he agrees. Nesta goes to the river house the next day with Cassian and finds faerug, riceman, Amren, and Azriel there along with the material needed for Nesta to scry. Nesta promises riceman not to tell faerug anything. we learn that Amren told Nesta “You have become a pathetic waste of life.” Nesta says let’s be quick about scrying, Azriel asks if she felt anything when she last tried it, and she didn’t. faerug says that they won’t let anything happen to Elain, that they have eyes on her, and Nesta says that eyes can be blinded but Azriel says not the ones under his command. Nesta starts scrying and Cassian joins her and she treats him as an anchor, and takes his hand. she asks “the void” where the Mask is. back in Cassian’s POV, he watches Nesta. Nesta’s hand has gone cold and Amren asks where she went to. it gets really cold in the room. Azriel says this didn’t happen during the war. Nesta’s “eyelids shifted” like she’s seeing something. Amren says to Nesta that if she sees the Mask, now would be the time to stop, but Nesta doesn’t respond. faerug tries to get Nesta to stop but Nesta never lowered her shields and they’re too strong to break through. none of them like how long this has been going on and how cold it is and faerug says it feels “deadly.” Nesta squeezes Cassian’s hand as a warning and Cassian tells riceman to get Nesta out now. faerug realizes that Nesta doesn’t want whatever it is to see them, so she’s locked them out and locked herself in. Cassian tells Nesta to come back. Nesta opens her eyes and the power in her is evident with that “silver fire,” but “nothing Fae” looked out of her eyes. riceman shoves faerug behind him. Nesta again squeezes Cassian’s hand and then looks at him, but “Death” looks out, and Cassian says “hello, Nes” to try to bring her back and he lets his “Siphons bite her with power” and he keeps talking to her, doesn’t let her “scent his fear” bc “here was the being the Bone Carver had whispered about, exalted and feared.” Cassian kisses Nesta, her lips cold, and slips his tongue into her mouth and it’s not warm but full of hoarfrost. they make out and Nesta comes back after dropping the stones and bones from her hand. Amren and faerug stare at the map, Amren saying it’s interesting and faerug gaping. riceman asks Cassian what he did to bring Nesta back, he says whatever it took, and riceman says he warmed the entire room (to counter the cold Nesta was filling it with). the Mask is in the Bog of Oorid. Oorid was once a sacred place where “warriors were laid to rest in its night-black waters” but then Oorid changed to a place of evil and darkness. “they” say that the water flows Under the Mountain and through “the Middle”, but it’s forbidden to map the Middle and they don’t know where the Mask could be there. it’s forbidden by an ancient council of High Lords. they respect the Middle so as not to anger it bc it’s full of magic and evilness. the Middle is where the Weaver of the Wood lived. faerug says that if Nesta is to go to the bog, she must be armed, and Cassian says they’ll both be armed to the teeth. no one asks about whatever looked out of Nesta’s eyes. Nesta says they’ll go tomorrow, faerug says they need time to prepare, Nesta repeats they’ll go tomorrow.

chapter 32: riceman tells Cassian he should go with them the next morning, and then faerug says she should go with them. Nesta is armed with weapons, though Cassian says she’s as likely to injure herself as wound an opponent, but it’s better she’s armed than not when going into the Oorid. riceman amends that they should both go with Cassian and Nesta, as well as Azriel. Cassian chides them on “mother-henning”. Elain chose to stay in her room when Nesta arrived. faerug is worried bc Nesta hasn’t had enough training. Cassian says she’ll have two Illyrian warriors with her. they need Nesta to find the Mask in the Bog, though she isn’t sure how she can manage it with her magic. Azriel reminds her that the Middle is not a place to ever let your guard down. Azriel transports them to the Middle. they survey the “wasteland”. they warn Nesta to not go into the water, where water burials took place, and explain that kelpies used to live here but no one has seen one in ages. they fly over the Bog, Cassian carrying Nesta, and he explains what else lives here, the “unwanteds” who needed someplace safe to stay. Cassian asks if Nesta feels anything, she says no, but a minute later as they fly through a thick cloud of mist she says yes though she doesn’t know what it was, only that something is here. they both look and Azriel is gone.

chapter 33: they both yell for Azriel. Cassian dives back into the mist he had just cleared, sees the blue of Azriel’s Siphons, and goes after him. they see that Azriel is facing two dozen Autumn Court soldiers and Cassian hightails it away. Cassian doesn’t know if Eris betrayed them. one of the soldiers shot an ash arrow through Azriel’s wings and Cassian doesn’t want to land with Nesta in the middle of all of it. Nesta tells Cassian to put her down and go back for Azriel. he finds a tree and puts her onto it, warns her to not go down no matter what, and flies back to Azriel. Cassian flies back and lets his Siphons power up. Cassian descends from above and kills the soldiers. Nesta worries that Cassian and Azriel have been gone too long. Nesta decides to go find them bc she has magic and might be able to help. she climbs down off the tree. she hears a “wise and serene” female voice tell her to run and wonders if it’s the dregs of her human side. she hears a rustling in the thorns nearby but sees nothing. she keeps surveying her own reflection in the black water, and the next time she looks back she sees “a pair of night-dark eyes looking back through it.”

chapter 34: Nesta falls backward as the face rises out of the water, proving to be a pale man with “obsidian” hair. it continues to climb out and Nesta pees herself in fear. it speaks to her but she can’t understand its language, and that voice in her head tells her to run again. Nesta realizes this creature is a kelpie. it seems able to read her thoughts. the kelpie grabs her and drags her underwater. two soldiers remain back with Cassian and Azriel, both bearing Eris’s insignia, so perhaps these are Eris’s missing soldiers. Azriel is already healing after ripping the ash arrow out of his wings. he binds the two soldiers, who don’t seem to feel any fear. Cassian thinks he can torture the two of them for information. Azriel points out something is wrong with them bc they’re wholly blank, just feeling violence. they both need to get out of there, and Azriel is healed enough he should be okay. Cassian remembers he left Nesta behind and goes searching for her. he yells her name but can’t find her, nor can Azriel.

chapter 35: as Nesta is dragged underwater, she has flashbacks to the Cauldron bc it was the same black water. she grabs her dagger and slices at the arm that’s holding her leg. it lets her go but then grabs her around the middle as they land at the bottom of the water. the kelpie forces its mouth on her and seems intent on sexually assaulting her, even as it fills her lungs with air to keep her alive a little longer. it rips all her weapons off and refills her lungs again, then continues to drag her through the water. Nesta tries to call on her magic and finds the Mask, then puts it on.

chapter 36: immediately she’s stronger with the Mask on. she feels limitless power and senses all the corpses around her, their weapons ignored by the creatures of the Bog that just want to eat them. Nesta summons the dead to attack the kelpie that wants to rape/eat her. they kill it. back in Cassian’s POV, he is still looking for Nesta, shouting her name. Azriel lands beside him and says he can’t find her and that they need riceman, and Cassian says that riceman isn’t answering. Azriel spots water rippling and golden light shining and the dead begin to rise out of the water. Nesta rises out of the water, too, still wearing the Mask. she has the kelpie’s head in her hand. “Only silver fire burned behind the eyes of the Mask.” Cassian says Nesta’s name and Death looks back, sends cold power toward them that they weather. bc they’re both Illyrian, they bow before “Death herself”. Nesta peels off the Mask and the dead collapse back into the water. Nesta collapses and Cassian catches her.

chapter 37: there’s a place in the Court of Nightmares where not even Keir dares venture. Cassian and Azriel have the two captured Autumn Court soldiers there, letting them bleed so the monsters trapped below in the pit can taste it and go crazy. they don’t eat often and hibernate for years bw meals. the Inner Circlejerk is there torturing the two soldiers, who don’t seem scared at all. Cassian and Azriel took Nesta to riceman’s palace above the Hewn City. Nesta is sleeping there, and has been asleep since she took off the mask. Amren says the two soldiers must be under some kind of spell bc they only want to fight. we get a description of how Azriel tortured them. faerug wonders, if they’re under a spell from Briallyn or Koschei, if it’s right to harm them. riceman says no. Amren points out that it at least confirmed their suspicions. faerug says they need to bring Helion in to break the spell on the two soldiers. riceman says he’ll contact Helion immediately. Cassian feels guilty over killing the other soldiers. they leave the dungeon and riceman enters the room with the Mask to find Nesta in there. he asks how she got in and she says the door was open. Amren asks if the Mask opened the door for her and Nesta says she felt herself beckoned here. Nesta looks Cassian over for wounds even as he notes her wounds, including her “brutalized mouth.” faerug asks if the Mask speaks to Nesta. Cassian tells us he told the Circlejerk everything that happened in the Bog. Amren says only a desperate fool wears the Mask bc once it’s on, the only way to take it off is a beheading, but Nesta says that she wished to take it off and it let her. riceman says that only one Made like the Mask can wield any control over it. Azriel points out that Briallyn could potentially wear it then, and wonders if that’s why the Autumn Court soldiers were in the Bog (to find it). Nesta says the Mask should be destroyed but Amren says it’s impossible. faerug says if the Cauldron is destroyed (the only way to power down the Mask) then life would end. Nesta says they should dump it in the sea, Amren asks if Nesta has no taste for the living dead, and Nesta says no good can come from its power. they wonder if Nesta could ward the room closed with the power. Nesta says that she failed at even the simplest spells with Amren, and faerug asks if that’s what Nesta thinks, that she failed, but Nesta doesn’t answer. instead, she says to tell her how to do the spells and she’ll try. riceman says that when Helion comes he’ll have him show her. Cassian points out that Helion might not be inclined to help bc Nesta rejected him once, and riceman says he’ll help if only to try again. Nesta rolls her eyes and Cassian smiles, and riceman says that he wears his heart for all to see, and Cassian shrugs bc he doesn’t care anymore if people know. they say Madja should come to tend to her wounds and Nesta says they’re already healing, then explains what happened and why she climbed off the tree. riceman asks to see the memory after Nesta says the kelpie spoke to her, Nesta nods, and riceman looks at the memory, then tells Amren to look, too. Amren says it’s a dialect of their tongue that hasn’t been spoken in 15,000 years. this is what the kelpie said to Nesta:

Amren shot an alarmed glance at Nesta, then answered, “He said: Are you my sacrifice, sweet flesh? How pale and young you are. Tell me, are they resuming the sacrifices to the waters once more? And when she didn’t respond, the kelpie said, No gods can save you. I shall take you, little beauty, and you shall be my bride before you are my supper.”

chapter 37 continued: Amren explains people used to sacrifice people to kelpies, believing them river and lake gods. kelpies do not breed, only rape and torment, so this one must have been around for a long time. riceman says the Mask flew to her, and Nesta says she was only trying to reach for her power. the Mask answered instead. Amren says that Nesta just admitted she still has her power, Nesta says that Amren already knew that, Cassian steps in to calm things down before it can explode and calls Nesta Lady Death when he says she should get some rest. Nesta stays in the palace above the Hewn City that night bc faerug thought it would be better, being more open, and Nesta was too tired to explain how the house is her friend and would have pampered her. Nesta takes a bath and thinks about the Mask and how scared she was while wearing it for its sheer amount of power. Cassian knocks on her door and enters when she says “yes” with a tray of food, and stops in shock when he sees her naked in the bath. he thought she would rather eat in her room than be around so many people and be forced to talk after everything that happened. Cassian leaves the food and goes to leave but stops when Nesta asks if he wants to get in. he says she’s injured and she asks if she looks injured to him while standing up. he says yes but Nesta wants to have sex to feel alive after the nothingness of the Mask. he doesn’t approach her so she approaches him. he says he thought she was dead today, and she says she thought the same. she says it’s “just sex” and he seems to feel some hesitance, and she says that’s all it can be, and he says he’ll take whatever she offers him. there’s a lot of awkward dirty talk (i mean, it’s awkward to read, but sj///m clearly thinks it’s good) and they kiss and have sex. afterward, Cassian seems kinda upset as he abruptly ends the afterglow and starts getting dressed, saying “Just sex” with a “wicked smile.” she agrees, but as soon as he leaves she starts to second-guess her belief that he enjoyed it and blah blah we’re back to the questioning everything.

chapter 38: Emerie asks if Nesta took Cassian to bed. Emerie and Gwyn say she and Cassian have been exchanging “sultry” looks all morning during training. Emerie and Gwyn ask about what happened yesterday and why there wasn’t training, and Nesta says she was told to keep it a secret. Gwyn guesses it has something to do with the Trove. Emerie again asks if Nesta slept with Cassian and she says she never said she didn’t. Gwyn asks if it was good and Cassian yells to keep doing sit-ups. Cassian reminds Nesta to keep working out. Gwyn says, if Nesta is having trouble concentrating, she learned a new Valkyrie technique called Mind-Stilling and tells Nesta and Emerie about it. Nesta wants to learn how to do it and tells Emerie and Gwyn to not tell Cassian about it bc Nesta wants to be the unflappable one. Cassian walks over and asks if there’s something more interesting than training going on. Gwyn and Emerie pretend to be innocent (in not discussing him with Nesta). Nesta asks Cassian when they can start with swords and archery, and he asks if she’s ready to handle a sword (the sex insinuation is strong with this one), and she says only he can tell her that, so he says “get up” and tells her to enter the training ring if she thinks she’s ready for swords. Cassian explains why novices start with wooden practice swords and says he had seven years of training before he picked up a sword. Nesta becomes focused on just the sword, sex jokes forgotten. he teaches her various blocking positions. she gets off on using a sword. i suppose it’s supposed to be some girlpower scene but i’m not feeling it.

chapter 39: Nesta still feels really girlpower after her workout and throughout her work in the library. when she reaches step 6,000 she goes back up. she’s still feeling really girlpower. it’s raining the next day and Cassian is surprised every woman showed up and isn’t using magic to keep dry. Nesta’s there, still feeling girlpower, and Cassian gets horny over it. three new priestesses are there today, too. we learn Cassian slept in the river house instead of the House of Wind bc the sex with Nesta was too good. Cassian says they need another tutor and Azriel is there the next morning, the women growing comfortable around him bc he’s quiet. Azriel is the one who found Gwyn in Sangravah and she seems a little hesitant around him. Cassian teaches Emerie, Nesta, and Gwyn where to hit someone to knock them unconscious. later Gwyn and Nesta sit in the library drinking tea and reading about the Mind-Stilling technique. Gwyn teaches Nesta how to do it. at the end, Nesta feels “utterly settled into her own skin” for the first time in her life.

chapter 40: it rains for two days and gets colder. the priestesses showed up every day for training despite it. Nesta and Cassian go to see a blacksmith in Velaris. Illyrian blacksmiths don’t want females in their shops so they had to find one who isn’t Illyrian. Cassian wants Nesta to see how a blade is made. Nesta wants to try using a hammer on a blade and says he’ll be compensated if any weapons are damaged, and Cassian confirms this. Nesta practices swinging the hammer and is really good at it, even on daggers and swords, and Cassian gets mildly horny over it. Nesta seems really calm and focused thanks to the Mind-Stilling thing. Cassian decides he’ll let Nesta come to him when she wants sex again instead of going to her. Nesta starts punching a tree for training and feels better doing it. two priestesses sigh over Azriel a lot and Nesta is glad they don’t sigh over Cassian bc she wants him to herself. Lucien shows up and is surprised by Nesta training. she’s still going at it even though the other priestesses left. Lucien says he came up here at faerug’s suggestion bc he had a few hours to kill. Cassian wonders where Elain is and Lucien says he’s not always up here to see to his mate. Cassian is aggressive and Lucien says he’s not Cassian’s enemy and can drop the act, and Cassian counters that it isn’t an act. silver fire flickers in Nesta’s eyes and she says nothing before walking into the house. Lucien says “mother spare you all”. Cassian goes to see what Nesta was punching and finds that the log is burning with cold fire from within, and then it dissolves into cinders, and Lucien repeats “mother spare you all”

#anti sjm #anti acosf #acosf recap #spoilers #myth and kat read acosf

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