#somewhere on kamino
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youtube
In case some of you don‘t know this master piece yet
All credits go to @ Jared Luck & Phantom of Fire on YT
#Youtube#clone wars#somewhere on kamino#the reason for my username lol#the clone wars#the bad batch#star wars#somewhere only we know#ai cover#meme
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how attack of the clones is going in this fic, so far, going up the scale from 'this is fine' to 'this is fine (actually everything is on fire)':
lene kostana: the chillest. furthest from the action, has no idea what happened on coruscant, observing the red honeycomb zone. left padawan with jocasta nu to supervise. beginning to have a bad feeling about this.
darth sidious: lightly alert for anything that could be a threat to his plans. has an ace up his sleeve that's going to cause problems for everyone except himself.
kal skirata: apparently here, instead of being content with being passed a message. bribeable with snacks for his boys. may have been told 'i don't know. sit on him?' when asking 'how am i supposed to keep a jetii from doing something?'
obi-wan kenobi: rumpled and confused. was sat upon by several of kal's boys (null-class arc troopers) so he wouldn't go to geonosis. did not get any uj cake. constant receptor of the 'i'm watching you' gesture from kal.
anakin skywalker: has killed only three sand people! congratulations, anakin! you are the only one being fixed!
qui-gon jinn: woken up from coma by anakin using the force like it's his livejournal c. 2002. without using a cut. has no idea what's been going on for the last decade. politely baffled.
jocasta nu: is going to hunt darth tyranus for sport on eriadu. they allow that sort of thing there.
darth tyranus: regretting several key life choices, most recently deciding to mind-probe araithana. currently dealing with 1) being shown how he dies, 2) being forcibly reminded of That Murder, 3) thinking his current guest-hostage also has visions.
araithana pallopides: nebulous hostage, claimed as guest. moved all the moveable furniture in darth tyranus's geonosian tower by 3cm to the left and back. also regretting darth tyranus's life choices. unknowingly repeating sifo-dyas's exact last words before That Murder.
and prom the geonosis accord meeting is tomorrow!
i'm going to go back to writing between the ice crypt trip and introducing anakin skywalker to pre-republic plays with a droid chorus, which concludes with:
The Chorus continues as a harried Knight Kenobi arrives and is promptly bullied into playing the Indrexu to Skywalker’s Xim, my Oziaf, and Aayla’s Xer, much to Master Windu’s sly amusement. By the end of our recitation, Aayla has decided that Xer is now haunting the play by heckling the patricidal Xim through mispronouncing his name on purpose, there’s an audience of nearly two dozen people, Master Windu has vanished back to his duties, and Betsy has never missed a line.
betsy (the chorus) is a b1 commander droid confiscated after the battle of naboo. betsy does not have a preferred gender other than 'it', has been reprogrammed by the temple's research and development department, and is now subject to many experiments to see how capable of learning it is.
#keeping up with the skywalkers#the star wars isekai fic#for fic accountability#i have now rewritten the kamino-geonosis parts three times!#it was one of the first pieces i did for this story and i had about 25% knowledge of everything that led up to this point#then i rewrote it a few months later#and now i'm doing this version after writing somewhere around 70 000 words in this universe#because my brain decided 'yes we wrote happy ice crypt trip now time for 5000 words of PAIN'#i blame the 2-hour long incident of BURNING IN MY OESOPHAGUS caused by my sertraline
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My RepCom Musing: Control Issue
Warning - a long text ahead.
Do you sometimes wonder how long will Vau tolerate Kal’s behavior before calling him on his control issues once everyone settled together on Mandalore for good?
I myself wonder about this lately, not as a way to bash Kal Skirata (which I admittedly have some serious issues with) but as a way to examine one important layer of complicated relationship between these two Mandalorians. A complexity of two stubborn and strong-willed men, with extreme different approach to vital matters who may at times still not see (admit) how harmful was their wrongdoing - and both have their own share of serious wrongdoings - but who constantly keep an eye on each other and do some serious callout, metaphorical or real stabbing, everytime one of them cross the accepted line. This is so far the most visible with Skirata who came to the point he sees Vau as part of his family but still will breathe down his neck so that Vau could never again physically hurt any of his (their) clone commandos:
"Yeah." Skirata didn't want to restart that fight. But he knew he'd take his knife to Vau, just like old times, if he so much as raised his hand to those lads again, and yet somehow that coexisted with a respect and ... yes, affection. Vau was family, too. [Order 66]
Vau’s input on Skirata’s flaws and wrongdoing isn’t subtler as he is saying everything straight in his face, yet (beside Triple Zero) it is less promising any physical reparations if the man crossed the accepted line so far. Which makes sense in the context, since for the majority of book series, both men were gathering funds and preparing the safe home for deserting clones so Walon wasn’t there to witness all Kal’s controlling (manipulative) habits and some of these could be easily framed as a needed part of their special operation. But the book series showed on many occasions that Walon is not afraid to call out Skirata when he is doing disservice to his men or lets emotion get the better of his judgment. It is especially visible with the matter of giving clones a real choice and with that, independence - something Kal knows is the final goal of their operation, but does not always follow this notion. The known to us story concerning clan residence on Mandalore wasn’t yet a proper set-up for Vau to take more prominent role in breathing down Kal’s neck but with what we learned about him, I do not doubt that the longer he would stay around Skirata to experience his daily-life interaction with others, the more willing he would be to call out his friend on some questionable habits of his.
I mean, yes, Walon and Kal knew each other for a long time and their relationship had its ups and downs. During Clone Wars they managed to put to rest their personal feuds (and some of their quarrels come pretty close to murder attempt). From the second book onward they had a common goal - to save their boys and somehow along the way even became truly close to each other.
On Coruscant and during the search for Ko Sai, both tried to tolerate each other’s flaws because they were devoted to their “sacred mission” no less as they were professional soldiers who would not allow emotions to disrupt their hard-won compromise. Mandalore though is gonna be a different case. This is a safe home for a clan made by Mandalorians, clone troopers and their wives/girlfriends and Jedi who, in theory, all gonna live in the same place.
And here things may get complicated.
Whatever went wrong between them on Kamino, they had their own personal space (separate apartments), established work schedules and separate clone batches to which they devoted most of their time. On Mandalore whatever conflict starts between them will not be so easily dismissed because they are gonna be in each space with little option to keep distance, unless one will go on long-term mission to calm down or move out. Considering how close they became and the fact that Vau passed Mird to Jaing’s care as was seen in Legacy of the Force book series, the moving out doesn’t feel likely.
(Additionally, Vau spent some months(?) apart from the rest of the clan during his search for missing Sev. Once he came back, the presence of Death Watch on Mandalore and Jedi literally in their supposedly safe house took the priority on the list of problems to focus on, so timeline of Imperial Commando:501st was still not favorable for focusing on Skirata’s questionable habits and social exceptions that aren’t strictly mandalorian norms).
Vau in general does not try to get involved much in other people’s lives. But. As much as Walon is good at keeping his personal feelings just to himself - to the point that even Jedi have a problem reading him with Force - he is a very perceptive man and a person who doesn’t mind picking up a fight with Skirata or pointing out his weakness and failures. He has a backbone and independence that some others lack, especially Nulls and clones trained by Skirata, who feel like they owe him their loyalty and thus may not want to challenge him in a direct way. Or, like in Darman’s case, at least, as long as Skirata does not breach their trust.
Vau though? Oh he loves to pick on Kal and does that mercilessly through the whole series, even for little things. The books made it pretty clear that Vau “could wind [Skirata] up as surely as a mechanical toy” [Triple Zero] and this seems to be a personal hobby of his to the point that Skirata literally says “And I wonder what you'd do with yourself if you didn't have me to torment” [True Colors].
The books also gave a solid insight into their conflicted viewpoints. Obviously, how clone soldiers should or shouldn’t be trained was the main source of their clashing and their different approach to the matter speaks a lot about them by presenting the values they hold the dearest. They both want to give clones a chance for normality but the core difference between them is that Skirata wants (needs?) to be a part of his men’s life while Vau seems to be okay now to separate himself from that power over his men (and I even dare to say, on purpose or subconsciously, trained his men to survive without a father in their life, as he did).
Skirata’s choice is neither better nor worse than Vau’s and vice versa, for both approaches come from their personal experiences and are a direct response to their individual trauma. Beside hardship of his boyhood years, Kal’s biggest trauma was not being a good father to his biological children to the point he was written off from his own family and now he devoted all his time and energy to save clones and other strays while Vau’s abusive childhood gave him a rocky relationship with broadly understood fatherhood to the point he is capable to openly show a genuine emotions only toward Mird while struggles with articulate them to other human beings, even those he knows well. He is making progress in that regard, but talking to Kal about his parental feelings toward Sev is still not the same as admitting them to the commando’s face.
But the conflict of how to train clone commandos (and how far is too far) was important only at the beginning of the story and sidelined soon after the second book. Once Skirata and Vau decided to join their forces to save their boys, they clashed over other, now more prominent matters that will not disappear so easily once their Mandalorian clan settle down. Quite opposing, those matters may escalate with passing time.
(The Imperial Commando:501st book already showed that Vau is the most prominent person to go toe to toe with Skirata when it comes to the safety of their clan, as was seen with his concerns about Arla and how dangerous she could be and helping the Jedi who managed to survive Purge. Those concerns aren’t actually the main topic of my rambling but I’m bringing these examples as a proof their new home for clones and strays isn’t still and may never be fully the promised paradise. Though Walon and Kal’s arguments don’t disrupt that much the illusion of idyll since usually only Ordo and Jusik stay around arguing old Mandalorians to make sure there will be no blows, while the rest is just so used to the quarrels between these two from Kamino they barely pay attention anymore. Or, in case of nasty argument, everyone finds something to occupy themselves, presumably far away from clashing Mandalorians.)
The most important issue brought already by the books is allowing clones to choose whatever the old sergeants agree with the choice or not. This is strictly tied to Vau and Skirata disagreement in regard to Etain’s pregnancy and the dilemma should Darman be told or not.
"Okay-Etain's pregnant. Short enough for you?"
Vau made a noise in his throat that sounded remarkably like Mird's gargling objection to being moved from the sofa. "I'll start knitting," he said. "Obviously the Force wasn't with her."
Nobody asked who the father was. The romance was hardly a secret: even Delta knew.
"She's on Qiilura until she gives birth," Skirata said. "And nobody says a word to the boys."
"Not even us," Mereel muttered.
"No, Mer'ika, not even you. Because then you can't accidentally put your great big boot in it, like the general just did."
"Sorry." Jusik hung his head. "I thought at least the Nulls would know."
"Okay, I'll brief the rest of them," said Skirata. "But Darman doesn't know, and it stays that way until he's in a position to be able to ... well, process the news. At the moment, all he'd do is worry instead of keeping his mind on the job."
"That's not fair on the man," Vau said. "Not if you think he is a man, and not some helpless kid. Or a simpleton."
"Okay, mir'sheb, you got a better idea?"
Vau blinked a few times. "No, I don't think any answer is the right one here, other than hindsight."
"She wanted to give him a son, some kind of future. And smart move or not, I'm doing the same, so maybe it's my fault for putting ideas in her head." [True Colors]
Kal decided to keep vital information from Darman about Etain’s pregnancy and forbade others to tell him the news until Skirata decided it was the right moment to do so. The secret was already kept for like half a year (and only Ordo and Jusik knew, the first learned the truth by accident and the other knew because of Force). Skirata did so to protect Darman as he thought it was the only correct course of action. We know Darman did not appreciate that once he learned from Etain about their son and Kal’s action broke the trust between them.
Darman ventured into territory he was reluctant to even think about. "Kal'buir knew."
"Yeah, but you said Etain would be in serious osik if the Jedi Thought Police caught her." Niner seemed to be going for mitigating circumstances. "And don't they take Jedi babies? She had her reasons."
But she had told him, and Kad wasn't any less at risk. The assumption was that the baby was Force-sensitive, or whatever they called it. That didn't make him a Jedi. Darman longed for a few sensible words from Jusik. He'd have the answers, and if he didn't, he'd still have some wise words on the situation that might make Darman see the positive side and a way of picking up again from here. It struck him that his first thought wasn't to pour his heart out to Skirata.
[...]
Regular humans grew up knowing what families were, what parents did even if they didn't have one. In Darman's wholly artificial world on Kamino, during the years that mostly shaped him, Darman had worked out something vital; that there was such a thing as a father, and Kal Skirata filled that gap in his life. He'd seen Jango Fett from time to time-and his son-and known that he was grown from the man's cells, but he never felt the connection with him that he felt with Skirata. Humans were just like any other creature in the galaxy. Their instinct was to breed and look after their young, and cloning humans and growing them in vats didn't change that one bit.
[...]
Niner clicked his teeth in annoyance. "Well, you can forget the practical problems, and we can get you through the bad feelings. We always have. Vode An, right?"
Actually, Niner was wrong. He was very wrong. Darman was in a place he'd never been before, and it was about more than suddenly finding he had a child out there somewhere. It was about trust. The galaxy was all lies, and even his job was built partly on deception, but as long as there was one area that he knew was real and that wouldn't crumble under him, he felt safe.
That part wasn't Etain. It was Kal'buir.
"He knew," Darman said "and he never told me."
"Kal?" Corr asked.
"Why wouldn't he tell me?"
"Because he knew you'd go off the deep end like this."
"Don't I have a right to know? I mean, he always told me I was a man with the right to control my own life, but now he decides what's good for me and what isn't."
Niner cut in. "Give him a break. Kal'buir wasn't the one who got pregnant and kept quiet about it."
"Well, if he had a reason for not telling me, it's either because he thought I was too stupid to handle it, or that Etain's problems were more important. I mean, it's not like I'd tell anyone else, is it?"
"Or," said Niner, "maybe he decided that because you and Etain are two adults, he was staying out of your private business."
It made sense. Niner always did. But it didn't placate Darman one bit. He was starting to find definite thoughts solidifying in the fog of painful emotions, and three of them loomed like rocks: that he wasn't trusted by people he loved and trusted that he wasn't sure now if he could trust them, and that he had a nameless, formless, desperate animal need to see his kid even if he wasn't sure what a father in his position was supposed to do.
Well, he could hang on to that. And he knew what a father's job was. He'd had what he thought was the best role model in Skirata, although doubts about that now gnawed at him. [Order 66]
(Darman’s accusation that Skirata did not tell him the truth “because he thought [he] was too stupid to handle it” is, ironically, an echo of Vau’s made in a previous book.)
Back then in True Colors, of all the people gathered to hear the news about Etain’s pregnancy, only Vau pointed out the unfairness done to Darman but also Skirata treating him not like a man he was but a helpless child or simpleton. Mereel, who was confrontational toward Kal about keeping the secret from Nulls other than Ordo, did not take any part in the discussion, nor Jusik who befriended Omega Squad in previous book(s).
Ultimately, Vau did not involve himself into this charade more than necessary. He did not agree with Skirata, but didn’t go against the man’s plan (and to be honest, if he did and tried to reveal the secret, the outcome most likely would end much worse). Like he said, there was no right choice at that time, especially since the secret already lasted a few months.
Surprisingly, the matter giving the choice to clones vs decision made for them was brought up twice in the same book. Again, by Walon Vau:
“You do realize,” he said to Skirata, “that if the troopers were given a choice, most would opt to stay in the army anyway?”
“I do. We all prefer the comfort of what we know best.”
“They’d be as dead as volunteers as they’d be as slaves, Kal.”
“But they’d have a choice, and that’s what makes us free men.”
“Actually, that’s a load of osik. Plenty of free beings in the galaxy don’t have a vote and don’t get a choice about what they do each day. There’s a very blurred line between slavery and economic dependence.”
On one hand, it is good to see both Mandalorians, at least in theory, took into account that men they try to save may choose a different life, even if the choice ultimately leads only to their death. Interestingly, it is Kal who says that having a choice is what matters the most because he himself witholded said choice (knowledge) from Darman and to some degree from Ordo by keeping him at his side almost through the whole war. Vau on other hand pointed the blurred line between slavery and economic dependence and its impact on “people’s freedom”. It could be just one of Vau’s more personal thoughts, most likely linked to his own background (and he for sure has some interesting personal opinions about the world) but it could be also read as a point about clones choosing to run away from the army. It is Kal and Walon who have the money and therefore the power over other, more vulnerable characters - not only clones, but Laseema and Etain as well. Both women did not experience real independence due to one being a female Twi'lek working for a Hutt in his night club and the other being a Jedi, with no money, family or personal contacts to be in position of making choices for themselves. It may not be intended to read like that but in the perspective of the story, Vau’s words hold the truth. Giving clones a choice is not good enough, if they were still economy dependent on someone’s good will.
And yes, Skirata was shown through the story as a doting father who buys his sons sweets and gives them a lot of credits to have fun between missions but clones did not own the money, did not have bank accounts, weren’t paid by army/Republic. It was a gift but gifts can be witholded, can be taken back or create the feeling that something should be given in return. Clones were dependent, not only in the economic sense.
Frankly, the first(?) time Kal brought the plan to open all Nulls their own private bank accounts - and with them, independence and privacy from his control - happened in Order 66, three years into war. And that so far was only about Nulls.
"I hear that store does very good nut slice."
Skirata fished in his pockets automatically and crammed a stack of credit chips into Mereel's hand.
"Time we got some bank accounts sorted out for you all," he said.
Mereel shrugged. "We're not short of creds, any of us."
"I mean real bank accounts, not skimming off the Republic's budget. In case anything happens to me."
"Buir, we can slice into any banking system in the galaxy, like Mij said. We're big boys now. And nothing's going to happen to you."
Skirata walked a precarious line between wanting to protect his adopted sons from an unforgiving galaxy and giving them the space the Republic denied them to be independent. It was a parent's dilemma, magnified many times and complicated by their accelerated compressed life spans. He didn't want to dole out pocket money to them like kids; these were fighting men, and they deserved the wherewithal to lead their own lives, all the simple routine choices that citizens had.
"I don't mean money laundering," Skirata said. "I'll get Jaing to set up personal accounts for you all. Private, to spend as you like. None of my business."
So in that regard, we see progress, at least within the relationship between Kal and Nulls. Vau, after robbing a bank and giving money to Skirata, made it clear the funds were also for his own former trainees: "But remember my men, too, Kal. If they need help when the time comes … I expect it to be given.“
Vau brought the matter of giving the choice to clones and respecting their decision again in Order 66 and even asked when Kal is planning to inform rest of his squads:
"Look," Skirata said. "That's the easy bit. The hard bit is getting Omega out now. And Etain. The Nulls can come and go because Zey and his cronies are used to that, but the others are pretty visible. Have you spoken to Delta?"
"No. They'll get to hear, and then they can make their own choice. What about your other squads? I know Omega's your pride and joy, but when are you going to put the word out that there's a haven for the others, too?"
"When we're sure Kyrimorut is secure and everyone's settled."
"Okay."
"Walon, I know I've bitten off more than I can chew. But I had to try. And I think we're as close to pulling it off as ever."
Vau sighed. "Okay."
And to be honest, Vau’s okay doesn’t sound that much convincing? I don’t know, but it feels like this discussion was already done and repeated off panel and either Skirata’s choice to keep the secret from clones or waiting so long is not satisfying yet Vau, which really no better choice to not jeopardy their operation, keeps to the plan.
Vau is going to tell the truth to Deltas, is going to offer them the safe place but the ultimate choice must be made by clone commandos themselves. Not him. Not Kal. Deltas alone.
Vau once again brought the possibility of clone commandos choosing to stay in army, as was seen in Imperial Commando: 501st in regard to Darman and Niner:
"If you're that worried," Vau said, "all you have to do is comm them."
Skirata didn't take his eyes off the log balanced on the chopping block. He'd had one accident too many with axes when he was distracted.
"If they're doing a delicate job, I might comm just at the wrong time... " Skirata lined up his ax, swung, and split another log in two neat halves. It was a kind of meditation-nothing mystic, just living in the moment by repeating simple and necessary actions without thought, the best way of quieting the mind. "Like just then, in fact."
"You realize that Niner and Darman could have left Imperial City under their own steam by now? They're commandos, for goodness sake. Getting out of places is what they do best-after getting in, of course."
"Yes, but they haven't. That tells me they need extracting."
"That's what worries me," Vau said.
"Meaning?"
"Darman's got a son here. Even Niner agreed to desert in the end. They had every reason to get out as soon as Niner could walk again. But they didn't."
"You know as well as I do that you have to pick your moment to exfil in a situation like that."
Skirata hadn't wanted to think about it, but he wondered if he'd judged it all wrong and the two clones wanted to stay in the army. If they did, then it was all his fault. He'd been responsible for keeping Etain's pregnancy from Darman, not one deceit but a daily cycle of lies until the kid was a toddler. If Darman hadn't bonded with his son enough to put being with him above everything, then it was because Skirata had set him a rotten example as a father. And Niner-Niner had an unshakable sense of duty and responsibility that Skirata had nurtured.
I trained them to be perfect soldiers. Now I want them to forget all that and come and play renegade Mando here with me. What can I expect?
"Yes," Vau said, as if he'd been having an internal debate with himself during Skirata's long silence. "I'm getting too anxious. Too much idle time on my hands. They were just waiting for the right moment."
"No point fighting your way out when you can walk out," Skirata said. He glanced at the chrono on his forearm plate. "Lunch. Come on, let's spend some quality sha'kajir time with our highly qualified comrade."
More surprisingly, this is a rare moment in which Vau did not push the matter and, well, went soft on Kal (and himself?) instead of focusing on the “worst scenario”. Delta Squad wasn’t mentioned in this paragraph but the “Getting out of places is what they do best-after getting in, of course” statement by logic applies to them too. Up until the last book, commandos wishing to stay in the army was a possibility but not already made a choice. Now both Mandalorians slowly must come to terms with the harsh reality that some of their “boys” may not choose them over the Empire.
And that brings us to another issue that Kal and Walon at some point will need to face - losing control over their trainees, and said control has many layers. The most obvious one is the military rank that both once hold over clone commandos. In regard to Vau, we already saw glimpses of him giving up this power and separating himself from the former role of training sergeant. It does not magically change the already established (also in abusive way) dynamic between him and Delta Squad (and Atin) but definitely is a first step in a right way.
To be honest, Vau’s choice to remain “civilian” is unexpected in the sense that the army had been his whole life since he was disinherited by biological family and ran away from Irmenu. He wanted to be a soldier since he was a small boy so to fulfill his dream and/or to spite his father he joined the Mandalorians and was one of them for literal decades.
Vau’s choice to step away from military rank was a constant decision from Triple Zero to the end of the story. In the mentioned book, it was a necessary part of the Skirata’s operation so he could do the dirty job without any official ties to General Zey and the army.
But then the prologue of True Colors alone provides us with this:
"Sarge..." Scorch looks at the security locks on the strong-room hatch with the appraising eye of an expert at breaking the unbreakable. That's how I trained him: he's the best. "Sarge, we got what we came for. Why are we robbing a bank?"
"You're not robbing it. I'm robbing it. You're just opening a door." This is about justice. And relieving Separatists of their wealth stops them from spending it on ar maments, after all. "And I'm a civilian now."
in which Vau reminded Scorch he did not hold that power over Delta Squad anymore. Even if he still sees Delta as his boys, the dynamic and dependence between them shifted and he himself contributed to that. Of course, the old habits die hard and the same as Scorch and his brothers still used a military rank to address Vau, Vau himself kept falling back to an authoritative figure that gives orders and demands obediences, like here:
"Go on, get out of here." I walk down the corridor lined with unimaginably excessive wealth: rare precious metals, untraceable credit chips, priceless jewels, antiques, industrial secrets, blackmail material. Ordinary credits aren't the only things that make the galaxy rotate. The Vau family box is in here. "I said dismiss, Delta."
Boss stands his ground. "You can't carry it all on your own."
"I can carry enough." I can haul a fifty-kilo pack all right, maybe not as easily as young men like them, but I'm motivated and that shaves years off my age. "Dismissed. Thin out. Now. This is my problem, not yours."
Except, as the next chapter showed, Delta did not follow his orders like they used to do on Kamino and Boss even threw back at Vau the “you are civilian now” argument to establish a different set of rules between them.
Vau wasn't used to anything other than instant obedience from his squads. He'd drummed it into them on Kamino, the hard way when necessary. Skirata thought you built special forces soldiers by treats and pats on the head, but it just produced weaklings; Vau's squads had the lowest casualty rates because he reinforced the animal will lo survive in every man. He was proud of it.
"You did," Boss said, "but you look like you need a hand. Anyway - you're not our sergeant any longer. Technically speaking. No disrespect... Citizen Vau."
[...]
"I should have thrashed more sense into you, then," Vau said. He unfolded a plastoid bivouac sheet and knotted the corners. It was always a bad idea not to plan for the most extreme situation: he'd been certain he would only take what was rightfully his, but this was too good to pass up. "Okay, you and Scorch hold this between you while I fill it."
The status of civilian was again mentioned in Order 66:
"Are you on brigade strength again, Sarge?" Scorch asked.
"No. Still civilian status." Vau wore a slightly preoccupied frown that didn't seem to have anything to do with the business at hand. "That way I can tell Zey where to stick his orders without feeling I've lost my military self-respect. An army that refuses orders is a rabble." [Order 66]
Vau stayed close to his former students and Skirata clan but not exactly as part of the military chain of command. He did not hold power over clone commandos like Kal, who due to holding still the sergeant rank was directly involved in military matters.
Skirata was the papa Kal to his trainees while Vau was a much more strict and less emotional type of training sergeant. Walon’s status of “citizen” does not undo all the trauma and hardship Deltas - and Atin - endured for years but at the same time the books gave us the starting points in which said commandos determine their relationship with Vau on their own terms rather than dictated by the ex-sergeant. In the case of Atin, it wasn’t just a murder attempt (Triple Zero); he was one of Skirata’s boys now and Laseema’s boyfriend (later husband), so did not need Walon in his new life and though there was sort of relative peace between both men, Vau stayed away as possible, until Atin himself offered the older man to start anew:
“[...]We're going very soon, son, and you better be ready."
"I'm ready," Atin said. "We all are. Is Vau there?"
"Yeah ..." It was still thin ice, even if hostilities between the two men had been shelved for the duration. "Want to talk to him?"
"No, just tell him that the war's over between us. It really is. Back home, we start anew. Cin vhetin."
Vau heard anyway. Skirata put the link back in his belt.
"I only ever did it to make sure they survived, whatever happened," Vau said. "I'm not a sadistic man." [Order 66]
Deltas started to define the boundary between their military affiliation and the civilian status of Vau. It may be not much yet, and there are plenty of important matters to unpack for all of them to deal with trauma and long-lived effects of abuse, but the book series at least hints at Vau's willingness to step away from the former dynamic he had with his trainees.
With Skirata, the matter is complicated because his relationship with clones is more tinged with emotions and sometimes it is harder to step away from that kind of dependency.
Like I said before, for me Vau seems to train his clones not only to have the almost animal will to survive no matter what, but also to not need him (father figure) when they are old enough and on their own. Atin especially is more confrontational than average commando, more independent and willing to ditch former sergeant and army to have the life he chooses for himself. And though he cares deeply for Skirata, I’m pretty sure his stubbornness/strong will would not be clouded by sentiment if Kal oversteps his hard-won trust. But Atin was trained by Vau and to some degree holds a similar mindset to his former training sergeant, whether he likes it or not.
The rest of Omega and Nulls though are a different matter, for they all share with Skirata strong emotional ties that in a way blind them to some of Kal’s questionable traits. Vau was more prone to physical violence and emotional distance as far as books showed us thus it is easier to call him on wrongdoings, while Kal’s methods at times fall more into emotional blackmail - due to lack of “safe” emotional distance, characters are prone to feel guilty about how their actions had upsetted the old Mandalorian rather than either hold him accountable or put own mental health over his feelings. Whether he did that on purpose or out of habit/subconciousion, is up to individual interpretation, however the text provided enough examples that Kal does not like to lose control over the situation and involved people and is not always capable (willing?) to separate himself from the power he had over his sons and/or subordinates.
A serious issue he sometimes acknowledged himself.
So we have this:
"Vau's handed the stash over to me, Bard'ika." Skirata was going to have to tell Vau about the apparent end of the Kamino contract, too. He had commandos in the field who were due their chance at life as much as anyone. The more Skirata's plan took detailed shape, the more people there'd be who needed to know things, and that always sat uncomfortably with him. "What you don't know can't burden you, son. If it all goes shu'shuk, you can at least look Zey in the eye and say you had no idea what I was up to." [True Colors]
Sharing details about his plans always sat uncomfortably with Skirata. How much of this is the result of working for so long as mercenaries and how much his natural controlling tendencies are up to debate.
Skirata was a magnet for waifs and strays; if someone was looking for a sense of belonging, Skirata could make them feel they belonged like nobody else. It was the necessary skill of a sergeant, someone who could bond troops with the intensity of a family, but it was also the authority of a father, and he often couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. He wasn't sure that it mattered. Jusik-clever, lonely, and increasingly at odds with Jedi policy-radiated a need for acceptance: the result was inevitable. Skirata struggled to find the line between taking advantage of the Jedi's vulnerability and getting the best deal for his clones. [True Colors]
For Kal the line between “sergeant” and “father” was blurred to the point “he often couldn't tell where one began and the other ended” while also didn’t really think it is important to separate those two roles (“He wasn't sure that it mattered.“). He was fond of Jusik to the point, he offered to adopt the Jedi as his own son, yet he was aware his interest in the younger man was not completely selfless - an issue that was mentioned through the pages of the books, in regard to Bardan, Etain and Besanny, often by Ordo. How much they use befriended people, a concern that Kal usually downplayed as said people knew what they got into. Which is questionable, since they all were people in desperate need to belong to his clan either because they did not have a true family on their own or were romantically involved with Kal’s sons so they crawled his approval.
Or:
"I've got to get back to HQ," Ordo said. "Kal'buir, please don't take risks, okay?"
It was a feeble thing to say to a mercenary, and Ordo knew it. "I'm going to retrieve Kad'ika and the ladies, and then we grab Uthan," Skirata said. "Can you find a way to recall Omega?"
"Have they said they're willing to desert?"
"Not in so many words. Sometimes you have to give folks a nudge to save themselves."
Skirata had learned nothing about giving others choices. He'd kicked straight back into father-knows-best mode, despite the fight with Darman; but that blind reflex had saved Ordo and his brothers, and it was impossible to condemn it. When it went right, it was salvation. [Order 66]
In which despite the ongoing emphasis seen in each book how clones were real men and therefore should have a choice and the backlash of not telling Darman about his child, Skirata falls back into father (he) knows the best mindset. What corresponds with Darman’s accusation that Skirata “always told me I was a man with the right to control my own life, but now he decides what's good for me and what isn't." [Order 66].
Kal did not learn anything from his own failure even though he encourages his sons to enjoy their (adult) life at every opportunity. The issue of making decision for others without asking about his family’s opinion first was also raised by Skirata himself in Imperial Commando: 501st:
"I'm not much of a father if I can't make my kids feel secure, am I?"
"You're a terrific father. It's just been a very traumatic time. Not even Ordo's immune to that."
"No, I'm not a good buir, because I make decisions for my aliit without asking their opinion," Skirata said. "Bard'ika, I owe you an apology. I made a decision for you. I shouldn't have."
"It can't have been that bad," Jusik said. "But tell me anyway."
What takes us back to Vau’s point of treating Darman - and by extension other clones - as a child or simpleton and his constant remarks about choice the commandos must make on their own. Kal definitely struggles with that and the lack of separation between sergeant and father for sure doesn’t help, for his former trainees will always easily fall back into the best known dynamic (military hierarchy). Through the story we could see Vau’s men not following his authority (Deltas in TC) and redefine their relationship with their former instructor (Atin). In contrast, Ordo often remarked he and Nulls wished to be seen by their father as adults and thus, allowed to make their own decisions yet he rarely confronted Kal about this matter, out of loyalty and the feeling of debt he owed the man for saving Nulls. The one, the most direct confrontation happened in True Colors, when Mereel’s scheme comes to life to break Ko Sai’s spirit. Ordo destroyed the supposedly only chip with kaminoan scientific data. According to Mereel, everything his brother said then was the truth.
"Ord'ika?"
Skirata tried not to show his shock, but it wasn't working. His voice jammed in his throat and struggled to shake loose.
Ordo stood forward of the hatch, looking out to sea in the growing dusk, and folded his arms. "I'm sorry, Kal'buir."
What am I going to do? How the shab can I start over now? We had it, we had it all, we were so close.. .
"Just-just tell me why, son." How could he do this to me? What did I do to tip him over the edge? "I know you're upset. I know you're worried about Fi."
Mereel caught Skirata's arm. "Nothing you can do, Buir. Let's start again and shake everything out of Ko Sai."
Skirata resisted Mereel's pull at his sleeve. "Give me a minute, son. You go warm her up for me. I need to talk to Ordo."
Skirata knew there was no point in being angry with the lad: this was all his fault. It was so easy to see only the clever, courageous, loyal side of Ordo and his brothers, all their wonderful qualities, and forget how badly damaged they all were at their core. No amount of love could erase what had been done to them at a critical time in their development. All he could do was patch them up, and he was willing to do that until the day he died.
He stood beside Ordo and put his arm around him, not sure now if that would result in a flood of tears or a punch.
"Son, you know how much I love you, don't you? Nothing will ever change that."
"Yes, Buir."
"I just need to know why you did that after all the trouble we went to in getting that data."
Ordo's jaw muscles twitched. He didn't look Skirata in the eye like he usually did. "This is all about having a choice. That's what matters, isn't it? But even now, we're still under a Kaminoan's control because she's got information she won't give us. Well, I'd rather live fifty years on my own terms than a hundred on hers. And now she'll know it. The information she's withholding is worthless. I've taken her power away for good."
"But I just wanted to give you a full life. You deserve that."
"But we're men, Kal'buir, and I know you've given up everything for us, but you can't keep making decisions for us like we're kids."
That hurt. The physical pain in Skirata's chest, like a heavy stone pressing down inside, got a little worse. "But what about your brothers, Ord'ika? What about all of the ad'ike who didn't get to choose?"
"There'll be other ways around this." No point arguing. He'll feel bad enough about it when he comes to his senses. "Sure. We'll forget it for the while and concentrate on Fi, and Etain's baby, and then we'll have a re-think. Ko Sai isn't the only geneticist in the galaxy. Is she?" But even the Kaminoan ones need to get her back, and they're the best. It s over. I'll keep trying, but unless there's a miracle. . .
The galaxy didn't do miracles. It only gave you what you took from it. Skirata was persistent to the point of wasted obsession, and maybe even beyond, but even he reached a point where he sank beneath the weight of a task. There'd been just too much bad news today. Perhaps tomorrow would be better. They still had a fortune to fall back on. Ordo turned around, looking like a scared little boy again for the first time in ages. There was nothing Skirata couldn't forgive him.
"I've hurt you, Kal'buir, and I can't undo that. But I'll make it up to you, I swear."
"You don't have to, son." I forgot they hadn't seen Ko Sai up close since she finished testing them and told them they were going to be put down. I stuck abused kids in front of their abuser and expected them to cope. What was I thinking? "You don't owe me a thing."
Kal reasecuring Ordo he loves him no matter what happened was a good start of the discussion. Yet the most outstanding part of the confrontation is how Ordo’s straightforward words didn’t make Skirata reflect on his personal flaw nor how his overprotectiveness (controlling habit) suffocated his son to the point of destroying the supposedly one and only chip needed by them (the story behind Ordo’s action is deeper than just reaching a breaking point but Kal did not know that at this point of the story). Instead, the truth hurt the old Mandalorian deeply almost in a physical way and the focus soon changed from Ordo’s need to be treated as an adult (making own choices) to how Kal’s feels and, well, stayed focused on Kal. Ordo’s point was pushed aside for the overwhelming guilt, even though for the first time he openly spoke about the problem. Of course, part of the blame is how the narrative (Kal’s POV) is egoistical by its nature - and to be honest, even in the aftermath scene of destroying the chip, the moment in which Kal comfort his son, Mandalorian’s thought run along the line “How could he do this to me?”, like he was the main victim of the situation. Which is why I find the shift of focus uncomfortable. There is no conclusion to the Null’s inner conflict between “dutiful son” and “wish to live his own life”, as Ordo falls back into prioritizing father (his savior!)’s emotions over personal mental health, while Skirata does not really bother to talk with Ordo or other Nulls to actually solve the slowly yet visible increasing matter of their independence. I think the closest attempt to give his boys some personal space and privacy was his wish to grant them their personal, legal, bank accounts in Order 66 but I’m not sure if the plan was realized in the end.
Sadly, this seems like a recruiting theme, as another confrontation happened in Order 66 with a similar outcome. Which leads us back to Darman, whom Kal on purpose lied to. Skirata concealed the truth about Darman’s child (while the text keeps highlighting on every occasion how fatherhood is so important to Mandalorian men) and even made other characters cover up for the situation (especially Laseema and Bardan, two people befriended by all members of the Omega Squad). Of course, one may argue Kal did that to protect Darman but once again, his protectiveness took away the choice from his sons. A choice the Mandalorian himself defined as something that makes people free men (“But they’d have a choice, and that’s what makes us free men.”)
Darman’s reaction to the news about having a son was to cut off from Etain and Kal. It took him some time to finally face his sergeant/father about the months of lying to him in the face. When he and Kal finally met to talk, the first thing Skirata did was to say sorry and hug his son - something Darman noted was his usual way to sort out the problem but also that affection is not enough to fix it:
But Skirata walked through the 'fresher doors in his civilian rig-brown bantha-hide jacket and brown pants-which was slightly at odds with his heavy Mando boots. Vau stood behind him in his black beskar'gam with his helmet under one arm, Mird at his side.
"Dar'ika," Skirata said. "Come here, son."
And Darman did despite himself. He stood up and let Skirata throw his arms around him. Kal 'buir thought a manly hug sorted a lot of problems, and generally he was right. This time, though, it was going to take more than affection to fix things.
"I'm sorry," Skirata said. "I know you're upset."
Atin, Corr, and Niner leaned against the lockers, moral support for their brother. "Why didn't anyone tell me, Buir?" Darman asked. "Why did Etain lie to me? What did she think I'd do? Is she ashamed of me?"
"Shab, no, son." Skirata's face was anguished and exhausted. "She adores you. It was me-I stopped her telling you. She wanted to, right from when she knew she was pregnant, but I threatened I'd take the kid away from her if she didn't do as I said."
Darman didn't believe him. Skirata might have been a pitilessly hard man, no stranger to violence, but he was the kindest of fathers. He'd never have threatened Etain.
"Don't cover for her, Kal'buir."
"I'm not. It's true. Ask Ordo-he walked in on the row, and I'm not going to dress it up. I stopped her telling you, and that was wrong, whatever the circumstances."
Darman didn't like the feeling growing in his gut right then. Skirata had been the sole anchor in his childhood the only adult he trusted, his shield against the Kaminoans and everything that scared him. He wanted this not to be true. Etain-Etain was a Jedi, and as much as he loved her, she wasn't a foundation in his life like Skirata had been.
"You put my son in my arms," Darman said, "and didn't tell me who he was."
"I swear to you, son, ori'haat, we were going to tell you then. But you said that you weren't ready For babies. So we decided against it."
"We."
"All right, me. Leave Etain out of it. She's a kid like you, never had the chance of a normal life, and she did her best-because she needed something to love when she wasn't allowed to, ever. She loves you, and she loves Kad. I'm the one who should have known better."
Darman knew what was happening inside him now. He recognized it. So did Niner; he moved a little closer, as if he was going to take Darman's arm and tell him it was okay, and things would be better now.
Darman was angry and hurt. He knew he had to let that steam vent out carefully. "Why did you stop her the first time?"
"I thought it would distract you when you were fighting, and you'd get yourself killed," said Skirata. Vau was still silent. In a room full of soldiers, there was now really only Skirata and Darman. "And I didn't know if you could take it emotionally. A lot of men with more life experience than you run away when they find out they're going to be a dad."
"So am I a man, like anyone else, or am I always going to be a kid who needs everything done for him?"
"Look, I was wrong." Skirata looked rough now; his eyes glazed with unshed tears, and his voice was shaky. "You should have been told. You should have been there when Kad was born. I took that from you, and I'll never forgive myself."
Yeah, this wasn't about Etain. Somehow, for all the knowledge he lacked of normal family life, Darman knew-felt-that she was in as big a mess as him, but Skirata was the grown-up, the seasoned warrior, the father, the veteran sergeant, the one who should have taken the situation in hand.
"I want to see Kad," Darman said. "When we go off duty tonight, I want to see my son."
"And Etain?"
Darman thought. Yes, he could face her now. He nodded. But he wasn't satisfied. The floodgates had opened, and he couldn't close them. He had to know everything. "What's happening, Kal'buir? I mean-the rest of it? We know we don't get told everything, but you're always up to something, and you don't tell us. You said problem when I commed you."
Skirata looked at Vau, who shrugged and went to stand guard at the doors with Mird. Skirata held out his hand. "Come on. Buckets-show me all your helmets are offline."
Understandably, Darman did not believe Kal - the kindest father in his mind - to be capable of mistreating Etain the way he did. But at the end of their argument, Darman came to the opposite conclusion. That Etain was in the big mess like him all because of Skirata. In that moment of revelation, Darman felt betrayed and hurt but also angry for being treated like a hopeless child.
Vau did not bother to make any excuse for Skirata, which makes sense as he did not agree with his decision to withhold such crucial information. I’m not ever sure why he came with the other Mandalorian, as he doesn’t act supportive for Kal, at least not the way Atin, Niner and Corr provided emotional support for their brother. Considering how in the upcoming paragraphs Vau will grow impatient by Skirata’s actics when Darman demands the truth about what Mandalorians and Nulls were doing so far, I think Walon was there more to make sure Kal won’t back away from sorting out the problem for good than anything else. As could be seen below:
Skirata was talking about something to thwart the Chancellor. It was the first explicit proof Darman had that he was running his own operation-not in parallel with the Republic's interests, or outside them, but against them. Darman loved and respected Kal'buir, but he was under no illusions about his methods. He'd been up to something dodgy for a long time; Fi's extraction, the base on Mandalore, Ko Sai, the bank job on Mygeeto with Vau that Delta didn't talk about-something major was happening. Skirata was well off the chart.
And so were the Nulls.
"Just tell us," Darman said. "We're big boys now. Put your credits where your mouth is, if you meant what you said to me a minute ago."
Skirata paced slowly around the fresher with his head lowered, staring at the gray tiled floor as if he was working up to saying something awful. Vau was getting impatient at the doors, doing that sigh and head shake that meant he was going to cut in and tell them if Skirata didn't. But Darman wanted to hear it from Kal'buir.
"For shab's sake tell them, Kal," Vau said.
Skirata let out a long breath. "Ad'ike, what I'm going to tell you must not, absolutely not, go beyond us. Do you understand? Not even if the Chancellor orders you to answer. Especially not then." He looked at Niner. "That means you, too. You're as straight as a die, son, but this isn't the time or the place for being Master Ethical."
So A'den had told Skirata about Niner's row with him over letting Sull desert and walk free. Niner drew his head back slightly as if he was hurt by the suggestion. "We're not going to like this, are we, Kal'buir?"
Skirata was all business again, eyes dry, as if they hadn't had the conversation about babies and lies at all. "This is a need-to-know job, not because I don't trust you, but because what you don't know usually can't drop you in it. Usually."
"We get it," Atin said. "Just tell us."
"It's not Jilka who's been mining the Treasury's data. It's Besany. And I got her to do it. We don't live in a world now where you get a lawyer and a trial-you end up committing suicide whether you want to or not, like that HNE hack."
It was a tough line to follow. But Niner, being Niner, tried.
"So you slot Jilka to save Besany."
"If you knew what Besany had found, Ner'ika, you'd understand. And it's not just about Besany."
"What the shab is it?" Darman snapped. "Come on, Kal'buir, spit it out."
Skirata dropped his voice almost to a whisper. "Palpatine's developing a new clone army. A big one."
People involved in the whole scene (not only in the quoted part) needed to constantly push Skirata to spill the truth. Not really surprising, as Kal already noted in a previous book about not liking sharing details of his plans. So we have Vau, Darman, Niner and Atin asking again and again to tell what the commandos should know.
Skirata revealed to Omega Squad that Palpatine got another clone army but not raised on Kamino and for the first time openly admitted there is a safe escaping route for clone deserters. But with that knowledge comes a painful truth that Skirata ran his own operations in secret, against Republic’s best interest and by extension, the clone troopers.
"Son, I don't know the full details, and it's not for want of trying." Skirata fastened his jacket, looking as if the snatched discussion was coming to an abrupt end. "But the more I find out, the less I think this is going to end well for the likes of you and me. I-The Nulls, Vau, and me, we've been getting an escape route together, and a refuge for any man who wants to leave the GAR without a body bag. And we're getting close to finding out how to stop your accelerated aging. It's a whole new life, ad'ike, a long one like any other human's. Are you in? Will you come with me when I say it's time to run?"
There was another communal silence.
Drip ... drip ... drip. Another leaky faucet joined the first in a quietly insistent chorus.
"So it's true about Ko Sai," Niner said at last.
"We didn't kill her, son, but we've got her research."
Every being needed some certainty in their life. Darman knew that some needed more than others, and he didn't need as much as Atin seemed to, but one thing he did need was to know that Kal Skirata was the honest foundation stone of the clones' sense of identity. Right now, there was nothing solid left under Darman. He was adrift. He couldn't rely on Kal'buir to level with him. The unknown and invisible was worse than incoming fire you could see.
"You never told us," Darman said quietly. "Again, you decide what we get to know."
"Dar, leave it," said Corr. "Soldier's lot in life, that is."
"Kal'buir, you kept us in the dark. Like you kept me in the dark about Kad." Darman found himself looking down into Skirata's eyes, oblivious of everyone else. The pressure in his head, right behind his eyes, felt almost like a bad dose of flu that had hit him in just a few moments. He couldn't hold it much longer. "What else don't you tell us? How can I trust you?"
"Dar, I'm sorry." Skirata put his hands on Darman's arms as if to soothe him, but Darman pulled away. "That's why I'm telling you everything now."
"I said, what else?"
"I'm not holding anything back. At least I don't think I am-"You wouldn't even know if you were lying. It's all just one big lie."
Skirata's eyes changed. Something went out of them; light, life, whatever, but Darman had wounded him. "Son, I'm not exactly an Asrat holy man, I admit that. But whatever I did, however stupid it was, I did because I love you boys more than you'll ever know."
"Liar," said Darman. "Liar."
And he punched Kal 'buir in the face.
Skirata’s lies pushed Darman to the point he doesn’t trust his father. He accused the Mandalorian again for withholding crucial information and in result, taking away choice, the same as happened with little Kad. More importantly, Darman repeatedly called Kal the liar.
IInterestingly, at the beginning of the argument about Darman’s son, Kal said “we” by including Etain, maybe as a way to lessen the burden of guilt? But once Darman pushed the issue, Kal came back to taking the whole blame. Here, he started the sentence as talking solely about himself but switched to including Nulls and Vau (“I-The Nulls, Vau, and me[...]”). Similar thing happened when Mereel was upset that Kal told only Ordo about Etain’s pregnancy. Back then Kal also went with the routine “us”, including Ordo even though the Null didn’t have any real impact on the issue and did what Skirata decided was the best course of action. Which makes me wonder about this tendency to lesser his fault by spreading it into other characters even though he was the one staring the problem on his own. Even the safe place for clones on Mandalore was his idea and without him, Null would not operate against Republic’s best interest, and in result, against other clones dutifully serving it.
It’s hard to blame Darman for the uncontrolled violent fit, as the revelation about his father’s lies and plans happening behind commandos’ back were the breaking point. Vau kicked out others from the room (and himself left too), so Skirata and Darman resolved the problem between themselves, which on one hand makes sense. However, violence itself wasn’t a correct solution as it didn’t change Kal’s controlling tendencies nor didn’t make Darman feel better at the end of it. Similar like with Ordo in True Colors, the narrative soon switched from clone’s raw emotions to overwhelming feeling of guilt for hurting the father:
The shock of the impact traveled up Darman's arm into his shoulder in slow motion. He heard the yells to stop, felt someone grab his arm, but shook them off. Skirata fell against the tiled wall. He started yelling, too; "Leave him, leave him, get out and leave us-" But the feeling didn't stop for Darman, not even when the punch exploded in pain, the feeling that his lungs were going to burst if he didn't get rid of this hammering pulse in his throat. Darman hauled Skirata upright and hit him again. He heard the oof and felt the spit on his face, but Skirata didn't hit back.
"It's okay, son," Skirata gasped, scrambling to his feet, arms held away from his sides. All Darman could see was blood, nothing else. "It's okay. Let it out. I asked for it."
Darman wasn't aware of much else for the next few seconds-maybe minutes, he had no idea-except hitting and hitting and hitting Skirata anywhere he could reach. No focus, no aim; there wasn't even Skirata, not really. There was just this weird rage, half terror, and Darman wanted it out of him because he couldn't draw another breath with it still inside him. Vau was shouting at the others to get out and leave them to it.
Then all Darman could hear was rasping breath. It was his own. Skirata was panting, too. When Darman looked down at his hands, they were raw and bleeding, and his first thought was that he hadn't put his armored gauntlets on, and he was glad. He landed back in reality, shocked. "Kal'buir, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ..." Skirata leaned back against the wall, legs out in front of him. Darman could still only see the blood-not the face, just blood from the old sergeant's nose and mouth. Skirata wiped it with the back of his hand and smeared it everywhere. Darman was almost paralyzed with horror and regret; the smell of the blood made him feel unsteady. But he edged forward and lifted Skirata to his feet.
"Do you want to talk, son?" Skirata paused put one hand on the wall to steady himself, and spat into the nearest basin. He could hardly get the words out. "Or do you ... want to be alone for a while?"
"I'm sorry. Shab, I'm sorry, Buir-" "I'm sorry, too. It's okay. Come here." Skirata embraced him. He actually hugged him, although it felt as if he was also hanging on to him to stay upright. Darman felt he was now in a stranger's body, because he didn't know how he could ever have done such a thing to Kal'buir. He didn't know what had erupted from him. But it had gone away. And Skirata just held him as if he hadn't hurt him at all.
"Now, what do you need son?"
"I don't want to talk," Darman said. "But I don't want to be alone, either."
"It's going to be fine, don't you worry." Skirata spat more bloody saliva. Something hard pinged in the basin. "Everything's going to turn out okay."
And to be honest, Kal and Darman did not truly talk anymore about this moment, nor the issue of broken trust and lies that lead to this moment. Of course, it is understable that Darman felt sorry for what happened and that Kal chose to not fight back, as he didn’t want to hurt his son anymore. But for me the narrative again shifted from son’s [betrayed] feeling to how Kal suffered and the guilt did not leave commando for the rest of the story, while somehow it became irrelevant that Skirata was the reason everything went to hell in the first place. Because beating old Mandalorian down did not solve the problem, as Kal did not learn from his mistake. Again.
In True Colors, Ordo did not prioritize own feelings, did not try to establish a new, more comfortable dynamic between father and son. Instead he solely focused on Kal's pain even though he was the hurt party more than Skirata. In Order 66, Kal was held responsible for his own wrongdoing for a few paragraphs, but in the end, it was Darman that felt the most guilty for his violent fit, even though it was Kal’s lies and secret machination that pushed him into breaking point.
All forgiven and not really spoken anymore.
I’m not gonna say Kal turns the situation into presenting himself as the victim rather than the perpetrator on purpose, but it is concerning how the narrative went about this routine at least twice. His two different sons hit the breaking point and actually told him straight in the face how he doesn’t treat them as an adult and how his decisions affect their life, but it seems like the common conclusion is…somehow poor Kal suffers the most.
In that matter Atin and Darman are interesting parallel to each other. Trust of both at some point was broken by men who were their closest parental figures they had on Kamino and whose decisions lead to great suffering. Of course, with Atin, the physical abuse he experienced was never questioned by narrative. Whatever Vau said or felt, the characters and text itself hold him responsible for the beating, the scar and pushing his boys too far. It may not be exploited in great detail, as after Triple Zero this matter was sidelined for other plotlines. Yet despite how much Vau cared for his trainees (and I think no one should have any doubt of that seeing how far he has gone to ensure Kal’s dream comes true), narrative wise, it did not erase or change what Atin himself felt. The offering of forgiveness comes from Atin, on his - and only his terms and it took three years to happen. Sadly, we do not know much about what was happening between the men from True Colors to 501st, if they often interacted off-panel or actually sorted out the problem or why Atin changed mind at all. Of course physical abuse is easier to notice and condemn, so Vau’s cruel and harsh training does not let us dwell if this was abuse or not. Meanwhile Kal’s controlling tendencies lead to questionable decisions that hurt his sons and closest people around him yet often are presented by Skirata - and narrative - as good-intended, out of love.
(Vau also claimed his harsh, outright abusive training comes from love for his boys but the hell is pavned with good intentions, isn’t it?)
Beside Kal’s tendencies to withhold crucial and/or private information leading to not allowing his sons (and Etain) make their own choices and dunno how to call this properly? In time of facing the consequence, turning people’s feelings to orbite and focus on his emotional pain, the other problem is how almost everyone in the main cast validates these repetitive, harmful behaviors. Obviously, Nulls will always put Kal above themselves, as he is their literal savior who one day showed up on Kamino and rescued them from death when they were just 2(4) years old and their modified genetic predisposition for loyalty solidified this mentality even more. For Omega commandos, Kal was their training sergeant and father in one, and the blurred line of authority, in my opinion, makes it harder to argue for themselves, as they lack the experiences and must rely on Skirata’s wisdom - at least until he broke Darman’s trust, but the guilt quickly put Darman back into “Kal is the best father”.
Then we have Jusik, who somehow lost his backbone once adopted as Kal’s son - in the rare moment of Kal’s openly voiced self-critic about his controlling habits, instead of actually helping his father to find a balance between protectiveness and letting his kids to have a life they choose, Bardan supports the false belief that Kal does nothing wrong.
Obviously, his treatment of Etain is the most prominent in the whole series as keeping on purpose someone wholly dependent on him - the pregnant Jedi needed Skirata’s help and would get it only under the terms set by old Mandalorian. And the terms included: him naming the child if Darman couldn’t (and the man couldn’t because he wasn’t told about having a child in the first place), him deciding when Darman should be told the truth, him sending Etain for self-exile on Quilira to hide her growing belly while under supervision from his “agents”, the Gurlans.
Etain’s inner thoughts during her “exile” are in fact worrying.
"You need to be careful," said a low, liquid voice. "Or we'll have your nasty little sergeant to answer to."
Jinart brushed past Etain's legs. The Gurlanin shapeshifter was in her true form of a sleek black carnivore, but she could just as easily have transformed herself into the exact replica of Levet-or Etain.
Nasty little sergeant. Sergeant Kal Skirata-short, ferocious, angry-had exiled her here for a few months. She'd fallen from grace with him. Now that she was several months' pregnant, she'd started to understand why. "I m being careful," Etain said.
"He holds me responsible for your safety."
"You're scared of him, aren't you?"
"And so are you, girl."
Etain draped her brown robes carefully to disguise the growing bulge of pregnancy and pulled another loose coat on top. Teklet was in the grip of winter, which was just as well: the excuse for voluminous clothes was welcome. But even without the top layer, she didn't look conspicuously pregnant. She just felt it, tired and lonely.
Etain’s first reaction to Jinart’s statement that she was scared of Skirata was to drape her robes to hide her pregnancy - a rather defensive gesture. There is no inner thought that Kal would never hurt her or take away the child as he promised to do if she did something against his will. It took months for Etain to think that Skirata sent her on this isolated planet for her safety, not as punishment for falling from his grace. The first things she associated with Skirata was “short, ferocious, angry”.
[...]
It's hard not to tell him. It's hard not to mention the baby when he asks how I am. His baby.
But Skirata forbade her to tell him. She almost understood why.
Jinart continued her progression of controlled leaps. She probably hunted that way, Etain thought, pouncing on small animals burrowed deep in the snow. "Skirata will be furious if you miscarry."
Maybe not. He was angry enough when he found out I was pregnant. "I'm not going risk upsetting Kal. You know the politics of this."
"I know he means what he says. He'll have a warship reduce Qiilura to molten slag if I cross him."
Yes, he would. Etain believed him, too. Skirata would rip a hole in the galaxy if it improved the lot of the clone troops in his care. "Just under three months, and then I won't be your problem any longer."
Thinking that Kal would not be angry if she miscarried since he was furious when he learned she was pregnant? And then, I’m not going to risk upsetting Kal, instead of simply worrying about the child's safety as priority? Yeah, this is so wrong on so many accounts.
Etain spent months feeling like Skirata was angry at her and him being actually nice to her was surprising. Even though Ordo already assured her Kal wasn’t angry at her.
"No . . . Bardan knew before I told Kal, actually. He sensed it." She let out a long sigh and clasped her hands on her belly as if it were much larger than it actually was. "Is he still angry with me?"
"You'd know if he was [...]
and then:
And this was the first time she'd seen Skirata since their blazing row when she told him she'd let herself conceive without Darman knowing, and he'd exiled her to Qiilura. She felt stupid and selfish now, looking back on how she expected him to be the instantly doting grandfather, but one thing remained certain: the Force showed her she was right to have this child.
She braced for either a frosty reception or a renewed rant on her shortcomings, one of which was being a Jedi. Skirata looked up.
"Ad'ika!" he said, not a hint that they'd ever argued. "How are you, girl?"
Oh. "I'm .. . okay, Kal, all things considered."
"Look, I'm sorry Qiilura went to osik. I'd never have suggested it if I'd thought the vhette were going to put up a fight." He stood up and faced her with the awkward air of someone trying not to notice or comment on her bump, but it seemed to trigger some anxiety in him. Mereel still looked as if he was meditating. "Jusik's intercepted Delta. He can't steer them away from Tropix, not since our chatty Twi'lek buddy mentioned it to them, but he's giving them a very rambling and unspecific briefing on the geology of the islands." Ordo's comlink chirped, and he walked a few meters aft to sit on the cowling of the port drive to answer it. Mereel got to his feet and went to join him.
Etain and Kal’s relationship got better with time, but there is a visible uncertainty on her part - being again on Skirata’s good side wasn’t permanent and she could never know for sure for how long:
Etain drew her lightsaber out of her pocket and simply let Ko Sai see the hilt.
"Come anywhere near me or my child," she said, "and you'll find out just how little I've embraced the peace and serenity they tried to teach me at the academy." Skirata winked at her. "Mandokarla ..." Mereel sat Etain down on a wide, deeply upholstered bench against the wall and shoved a few cushions behind her back. "He says you've got the right stuff."
So she was back on Skirata's good side, for the time being anyway. [TC]
In the end Kal gave Etain permission to tell Darman the truth about having a child (something akin to one year after Venku’s birth). Yet up to the moment of seeing the newborn, Skirata actually planned to take the child away from Jedi. In the end, it was an emotional response to seeing little Venku in the arms of mother that changed his mind, no guilt for his prior action itself.
One may argue that Etain was a “special case” as she was a Jedi and got pregnant without asking Darman if he would ever want to have a kid with her. But it does not change the fact that through the books we could see her emotionally unsure of her place in regard to Skirata, often in doubt if he was angry at her or not and actually being surprised when he acted as loving father toward her again.
This uncertainty is not something she did feel around Vau. And she herself described Walon as a person who “always seemed utterly calm in the Force, even when he was shoving a vibroblade down someone’s gullet [O66].” The lack of any warning in the Force if she even irks him too much should be a concern yet Etain and Walon worked well despite their differences and Vau’s personal hate for Jedi. Even her shaky relationship with Ordo was easier to navigate. He may not like her in any special way but tried for Darman’s sake and the all eventual “collisions” between them were usually discussed and sorted quite soon after the incidents.
But the emotional dependence wasn’t only seen with Etain. Ordo is especially the prominent example, as he got the most pages dedicated to his POV out of all Nulls.
In the previously mentioned scene between Etain and Ordo, the man himself admitted how Kal “just tries too hard to put the galaxy right” for them while he does not acknowledge that Nulls are now grown up men capable of facing the harsh world (“it isn't his job to do it now that we're grown men."). But when asked by Jedi if he ever told that straight up to Kal’s face, he denied it so Ordo’s wish to be treated as an adult was not voiced in the proper way. Not out of fear of his father (as Etain thought which speaks a lot about her own fear of Skirata) but because Ordo was “scared of not being worthy of him”.
"You'd know if he was. Kal'buir just tries too hard to put the galaxy right for us, but it can't be done, and it isn't his job to do it now that we're grown men."
"Have you ever told him that?"
"Not in those words, exactly."
"So you're scared of him, too."
"No. I'm scared of not being worthy of him."
"No pressure, then ..."
It was hard when someone devoted their entire life to your welfare, a mounting debt that never got paid. Ordo wanted to see Kal'buir get a decent night's sleep in a proper bed, and have his ankle fixed. He wanted him to find a nice woman to take care of him; in fact, he wanted all the things for his buir that the man wanted for his sons, more or less. "I'd better warn him we're coming when we drop out of hyperspace."
"Why didn't you call him earlier?"
"Because he would have told me to take you back to Coruscant, and I would never disobey him."
"Even if he's wrong?"
Ordo didn't always agree with Skirata, but that was a long way from him being wrong. "He needs me there."
This is just one example of many, in which Ordo idolizes Kal, as a father and savior, but lacks a certain emotional independence from the man. Because of that he goes with Skirata’s openly voiced decisions even if he personally does not agree with those. This is especially seen in Null’s modus operandi - he can’t disobey father because he is afraid to disappoint him. So to do things his way, Ordo avoids direct confrontation - as long as he does not hear the proper decision (order) or is not asked a question to which he couldn’t lie to, he technically does not “break the rule”. I find it problematic only partially due to Ordo circling around the task given by father instead of simply telling Skirata that he decided to do something differently than he was told. Alternatively, arguing that Skirata’s plan was too flawed and should not be followed through.
The other problem lies in the fact that Ordo and his brothers’ privacy is vulnerable and it is not even up to Kal’s good or ill intention. One wrong question, one ill timed remark, and Ordo may feel obliged to spill the beans. Like was noted in Triple Zero, when Ordo kept in secret Mereel’s return from Kamino, solely because he wanted to positively surprise his father.
Ordo accepted it was a risk, but risks were relative. And Skirata hadn't expressed interest at his advanced ordnance skills, so he could still keep Mereel's return as a surprise.
He was going to be pleased with Mereel's news on Ko Sai, too.
Normally, a person would keep that occurance a secret whether their father asked or not, but that would include a bit of non-harmful lying, something Ordo seems to not be comfortable with in regard to his father. This dependence of course is only partially due to strong emotional ties with Skirata. Mandalorian’s (emotionally) controlling issues could strengthen the problem, but its roots lie in how clones were raised and treated by Kaminoans way before any instructor showed up on Kamino. On that record, Sev’s anxiety may also be only partially the fault of Walon Vau, and be rooted in specific upbringing (additionally, data from Republic Commando game’s loading screen and Prima Guide book suggest that Sev may have psychological problems to begin with).
Similar note how Nulls were dependent and tied to Skirata was done in True Colors (Besany’s POV):
Mereel shrugged. "That I took a big risk getting the information that led me to ask you for more information."
"What's Kal's view on this?" She didn't even have to ask if Kal Skirata knew. The Nulls didn't seem to take a breath without asking him first. Their allegiance was to him, not the Republic; but while she could understand the power of his aggressive charisma, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea. "And what happens if I get caught?"
Even Jusik, who was on definitely better terms with Kal than Etain ever was, somehow lost his confidence after he officially became Skirata’s son.
As Kal noted himself, his family may be scared of his temper:
"Interesting choice of mother figure." Skirata could hardly blame Gilamar for wanting to be the archetypal Mando buir to any child in need. He decided to worry about Scout later. "So has anyone else got a surprise for me?"
"Yes," said Jusik. "Djinn Altis. Etain was invited to join them with Kad and Dar if she felt like it."
Jusik blurted it out as if he wanted to rid himself of the knowledge. Skirata felt his chest sink under the weight of loss.
Etain could have survived Order 66, then.
Skirata was learning to stop himself running through endless what-ifs, because a different fork in the road had been taken. He couldn't change history, and he couldn't live with the pain of being reminded that things could have been different. He had to walk away and accept that was how things had turned out.
It was a massive effort. He usually failed.
"Bard'ika," he said, "if I ever make you feel you have to pick the right time to tell me things, I'm sorry. You should never have to tread on eggs with me, son."
He didn't mean it as a rebuke. He really did worry that his temper scared his family from telling him things.
"I just don't like opening wounds," Jusik said. "Altis said he'd like to meet you sometime."
"I'd like to meet him, too. Especially as Dar and Niner are keeping tabs on him." [IC: 501st]
Which really leaves Vau as the only one person willing and actually openly arguing with Skirata over crucial matters (Maze to some degree too, albeit he joined recently and it is not given he will stay with Skirata clan. Author’s notes for canceled Imperial Commando sequel hinted he would rather team up with Zey and have their own adventures in galaxy, far away from Skirata)
It makes sense that up to leaving Coruscant, neither Vau nor Skirata wanted to involve clone commandos into their scheme for their own and clones’ safety - or in case of Vau, to not let them cross between soldering and the criminal world (x)(x). But living on the planet Mandalore, this won’t be an acceptable excuse anymore. Nulls, Omega Squad and other troopers who came with Mandalorians or joined later, were promised a normal life, with full lifespan and freedom. Sooner than later they will want to live on their own terms, thus the military rank and built on it hierarchy shouldn’t matter and all former Mandalorian sergeants will need to accept said change. And by doing so, acknowledge the clones aren’t anymore the little boys they met a decade ago.
Here is the thing - Vau knew Nulls to some degree and most likely was told about them even more by Skirata but on Kamino he rather wasn’t privy to how the relationship between Kal and his boys truly looked. When he was looking at Skirata and Mereel during True Colors, he saw a father doting on his son and son loving deeply his father..
Vau was usually immune to Skirata’s polar extremes of emotion, but for a few seconds the old chakaar and his surrogate son simply looked at each other as if there was nothing that mattered in the galaxy, and Vau felt genuine envy.
It wasn’t Skirata he envied. It was Mereel, for having a father who doted on him so much he could do not wrong.
But now living in the same space, Vau can get a new perspective on the relationship between Kal and his sons, all the nuances of their informal hierarchy (Ordo the favorite son, Mereel the second prominent one, rest somehow in the background) or how said relationships affect the rest members of their clan. There should be no doubt that Skirata loved Nulls or Omegas or any other son that came along the way, but the text hinted on some questionable behavior of his that may stand out more than before. How Kal wants to be part of his men’s life but has trouble seeing them as actual adult people already caused serious troubles - and the case of Darman was not an isolated incident. His favoritism of Ordo affects not only Nulls and relationship between all members of the clan, but Ordo as person as well. Evan Kal’s approach to mental health of Nulls can be put into question, depending on the personal interpretation of provided texts from all books.
(Not to mention the possibility that some clones may come out as asexual or homosexual including clone/clone relationships or anything else standing out from the heterosexual normativity presented by the books. Kal Skirata and Mij Gilmar especially strike me as the straight men; Skirata deeply influenced trained by him clones in that regard, not to mention how the majority of characters suspiciously ended officially only in heterosexual marriages/relationship as far as we know. Vau stands out in that matter but more about that was presented in a different meta if anyone is interested).
Vau asked once Skirata “How far is too far, Kal? Can you answer that?” In the Triple Zero the question was about the accepted line in training and how far they were willing to push their trainees to ensure their survival during war. However the question is also fitting the ongoing “conflict” in which Kal struggles to find the healthy balance between protectiveness of his boys and acceptance they no longer are terrified children who badly need him to tell them what to do.
It doesn't really matter if Vau was the more distant parental figure while Kal the comforting, openly emotional one because in the end both for years were part of a system that transformed little innocent boys into fully trained, hardened commandos. Vau’s abuse was more tangible and spoken about, but the books - especially Hard Contact and Triple Zero - mentioned Kal too threw verbal insults on his trainees, took part in live ammo exercises (and killed at least one commando by incident) and generally followed with what was expected from him. So at the end of the day, both are guilty of working for Jango Fett/Kaminoans and by doing so, supporting an abusive environment that treated clones as property first and foremost. I think it is right to assume Kal and Vau’s attempt to create a safe place for deserters from GAR is a form of seeking redemption, as both care deeply for their former trainees.
However the big difference between Vau and Skirata is that text gives us strong ground to assume Walon in fact changed the way he interacts with clones, why Kal still struggles to separate himself from the authoritative parental figure. As he said himself, “A father's responsibility doesn't have an expiry date” [O66] yet Vau has also a solid point about not treating those men as children unable to deal with adult responsibilities and making correct choices.
In Triple Zero, in Vau and Skirata’s first introduction - the first confrontation - Walon assured he has changed and so should Kal ("I've moved on," said Vau. "And it's time you did [...]”) which I think sums pretty much the difference. Because what we know about Vau from Kamino is different from how he now interacts with other people. There is no more violent act against Deltas for messing anything (as Sev worried) or Atin (minus their final fight in TZ, nota bene started by Atin himself) or any clone. Franky, beside all the operations against the widely understood “enemy”, Vau only once truly acted aggressively against his fellow companion, as was seen during confrontation with Kal about Order 66 / Jango’s revenge. We even heard him praising various characters through the story (for example: the whole team working on Coruscant, Etain, Mereel, Jaing) and when Scorch hit the breaking point, Walon apparently talked with him to ensure everything was okay - sadly off panel but since text does not mention it went horrible for Scorch, I think it is right to assume nothing worrying happened then. The point is, the text gave plenty of examples to assume that Walon in fact has changed, as he is not using any physical, emotional or verbal violence against his former trainees anymore and was even noted to “soften” during war (Scorch’s POV).
All of this of course does not magically undo the damage done to his boys and sadly, the book series does not really focus that deeply on Vau, Atin and Delta Squad’s relationship and their inner workings. We know more or less what Vau, Atin, Scorch and Sev were thinking about each other but we don’t see them interact directly that much. But at least there is a starting point to hope for the best. With Kal - and I’m saying it solely from my interpretation of his characters and source material - the matter is more worrying, as he time after time repeats the same mistake without learning from it. He takes charge of his sons’ life without actually asking for their opinion on the matter or forgets (ignore?) the power imbalance between them, in which especially Nulls struggle to oppose the decision made by their father (literal savior!). All because Skirata doesn’t like to lose control over plans/situations, thinks he knows the best and/or doesn’t think his sons will be emotionally ready to face the task or consequences of their decisions.
So we come back to the main question of the analysis. How long will Walon tolerate Skirata’s bad habits before he will need to interfere and knock some sense in the man’s head about accepting clones’ choices? Because I do wonder about that a lot.
#star wars#republic commando#My RepCom musing#walon vau#kal skirata#kal skirata critically#long text#my analysis#delta squad#ordo#etain tur mukan#darman#one text written from the list#this topic bothers me for years how skirata seems to have some serious control issues#and tendencies to emotional hmmm blackmail seems like too big word#but i hate how narrative focus on his pain more than darman or ordo or anyone else#vau was abusive on kamino but it feels like he either changed the way he treats clones or at least is slowly stepping away from the power#he had over them#though i'm still mad the books did not care anymore for atin and vau#the conflict was there somewhere on the edge of the story but why atin changed his mind about vau? what happened?#i really wish we could learn more of their dynamics and relationship between characters#does this text makes sense? cause i was writting it for weeks and i'm not sure anymore#if everything makes sense outside of my head lol
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One fic rewrite is down! At least, as down as it’s going to get for now. I feel like I need another edit or two to be post-able quality. Also it’s an AU for a fic series I haven’t written yet. Because I love my little monster, Solus.
Now to actually figure out what I want to do with the rest of my night. Logic says I should chill on the writing because I did enough. But, Brain is like, “We have the executive function momentum going and two different fics to edit.”
(It’s more finishing for the one with Toryl and Din. But Solus and Dred is really just editing.)
I also feel like I should be doing something RE Related? There’s probably partially finished things in my notes.
#ramblings#honestly solus being not hostile toward dred priest says more of her mental state in that moment than anything else#the fact he's considered friendly as someone on kamino#toryl and din is toryl running into din in his depression era#which is to say he's childless shipless and clanless#dude's doing bounties with public transport#and toryl's very much you are making me sick jfc let me at least give you a lift somewhere#this is their manda'lor
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Deserved
Pairing: Crosshair x Gen!Reader
Summary: Crosshair wakes up next to you.
Warnings: None. A lil’ fluff. A lil’ angst. Spoilers for S3.
WC: 300
A/N: I have so many feelings after the season premiere! Crosshair is making me act up. I wrote this little drabble bc I love him. Enjoy!
Crosshair opened his eyes, expecting to see the dark durasteel ceiling of his cell.
As his eyes focused in the early morning light, he quickly realized he was somewhere else. The pillow beneath his head was soft. His back was comfortable on a mattress, not in pain from the hard cot he spent his sleeping and waking hours on in the detainment facility.
A soft sound broke the silence, and Crosshair turned his head.
You were asleep, peaceful and beautiful, your chest slowly rising with each breath.
That’s right. He was here. With you.
Crosshair let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He could feel the familiar panic and anxiety in his gut fading. Seeing you next to him brought him back to reality.
Crosshair slowly lifted a hand, ever so gently brushing his fingers across your cheek.
You smiled, mumbling his name, but didn’t wake.
Your skin was warm and soft. You grounded him.
His fingers trembled slightly, but not from his anguished memories. His hands have steadied ever since being with you, though not fully gone.
Instead, they trembled with emotion. How could someone so perfect, so forgiving, so strong, be next to him every morning when he wakes.
He still didn’t think he deserves this, or deserves you.
He knows it’s a stupid thought, but Crosshair is still amazed daily that you continue to stand by him.
Crosshair had accepted his fate, ready to die in the Empire’s grasp, to rot away in a cell as they took what they needed from him.
All it took was someone to believe in him. Omega didn’t give up on him. Neither did his brothers. Neither did you.
Crosshair pressed his lips to your forehead, shifting himself closer to you, to feel your body fully against his.
You wrapped your arms around him, uttering something before nuzzling into his chest, quickly falling back to sleep.
Crosshair closed his eyes, focusing on both of your breathing. Crosshair felt himself slipping into a dream, a pleasant one filled with your warmth. His last thought before succumbing to sleep was maybe he did deserve this. Maybe it was time to forgive himself.
But that could wait until later. Right now, he just wanted to be held by you.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Reblogs and Comments are Love! ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
Taglist: @crosshairlovebot @sev-on-kamino @kimiheartblade @wizardofrozz @clonemedickix @sunshinesdaydream @freesia-writes @multi-fan-dom-madness @aconstructofamind @dreamie411 @dystopicjumpsuit @wings-and-beskar @starqueensthings @idontgetanysleep @secretthegriffin @anxiouspineapple99 @sinfulsalutations @secondaryrealm @littlemissmanga @maybethatfanfictionwriter @pb-jellybeans @wanderer-six @king-chaos-world @dukeoftheblackstar @523rdrebel @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @sleepingsun501 @coraex @cw80831 @dangraccoon @mythical-illustrator @eternal-transcience @the-cantina @nahoney22 @moonlightwarriorqueen @stinkyluna @skellymom @reader6898 @lamiliani
#crosshair x reader#crosshair x you#crosshair tbb#crosshair#tbb spoilers#the bad batch#the bad batch spoilers#tbb s3#tbb s3 spoilers#crosshair fanfiction#the bad batch fanfiction#tbb crosshair#the bad batch x reader#tbb#the bad batch season 3#tbb fanfiction#starrycatwrites#tbb crosshair x reader
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Hi. I read your work on Ao3 and I saw that you said we could come here and leave a request. Can you write something with Crosshair x fem reader with the prompt "What kind of spell did you put on me?" And if I can help you with the plot, maybe the reader could be a shy doctor who agreed to work with the boys when everyone else rejected it. There aren't many stories out there with Crosshair and a shy reader. You choose whether there will be smut or not. xoxo 🌺
Thank you so much, anon. Writing a shy reader was fun. I hope I did it justice! Kept this one SFW.
Cracks in the Wall
Not much could ruffle Crosshair's feathers or get past the wall he'd built around himself over the years - until he met you.
Pairing: Crosshair x f!reader
Word count: 2.8k
Warnings: sibling banter/teasing, shy!reader, doctor!reader, Cross doesn’t know what to do with feelings but he’s trying okay, sprinkle of self-doubt from both Cross and reader, alludes to medical trauma, fluff, softness, cheeky lil’ kiss, pet names.
“Off somewhere?” Hunter’s voice cuts through their shared barracks, stopping Crosshair as he heads for the door. He’s careful to keep his voice even, suppressing the smile that’s trying to appear.
Crosshair grits his teeth, freezing at his older brother’s question. He’d hoped to get away with minimal fuss, but the Maker didn’t look to be on his side today. “Fresh air.” He answers cooly with a slight shrug, sliding effortlessly behind a mask of indifference.
“Right…” Hunter drags out the word, raising an eyebrow as he glances out the panoramic window. “In the storm?” He clarifies, knowing eyes turning back to his baby brother.
“Nah, he’s slinking off to see that pretty doctor again, ain’t ya?” Wrecker steamrollers, not one to miss the opportunity to tease Crosshair. He sits on the edge of his bunk, leaning forward like an excited child about to be told a deep secret.
Crosshair doesn’t dignify the question with an answer, though nerves have him sliding the toothpick between his lips to the other side of his mouth.
Tech knows he shouldn’t torment his twin, but when it’s been so beautifully laid out for him, he would be remiss not to. “Feeling unwell again?” He asks, tone neutral though the mirth in his eyes is unmissable.
The frustrated grunt Crosshair lets out makes his brothers chuckle, and he stalks from the room, the sound of their combined laughter only dying out once the door slides shut behind him.
Making his way down the corridor towards the medbay, the sterile white halls of Kamino make him squint, the light unnecessarily bright. He hates the constant noise and busyness here, the Regs sneering at him as he passes. He hates how sterile everything is and all the memories of being tested and tormented as a cadet.
But that hatred evaporates as he rounds the corner and spots your name on the board for ‘on duty’ doctors. At least there was one good thing about coming back.
Crosshair’s pace slows as he reaches the doors to the medbay, pesky nerves settling into his gut. He takes a moment to compose himself, adjusting his armour and smoothing a hand over his hair. He might be an expert marksman on the battlefield, but the prospect of a simple conversation with you has him feeling oddly out of his element.
You were the only doctor who’d tend to him and his brothers when they were injured, the only one willing to adapt how you worked to suit their differences. The memories of your considerate actions flood his mind – dimming the lights so he doesn’t have to squint, providing candy to uplift Wrecker’s spirits, explaining procedures to Tech, and creating a more comfortable space for Hunter’s senses. It wasn’t just out of professional duty; there was a personal touch, a kindness rarely extended to him and his brothers.
Somewhere along the way, Crosshair had found himself replaying your interactions like a cherished film, analysing every word and every gesture, searching for any signs that you enjoyed his company as much as he did yours. You never pushed or asked too much of him, never complained when he denied a test, and you didn’t draw attention to the way his body betrayed him by trembling ever so slightly whenever you approached with a needle for blood tests or booster shots.
With a deep breath, he pushes open the medbay doors. The familiar hum of medical equipment and the crisp scent of bacta greet him as he steps inside. Memories try to resurface, but he battles them down, even as his heart races.
The medbay is relatively quiet, with a few Regs resting in recovery beds and a medical droid diligently tending to its duties. And there, at the back of the room, head bent over a datapad, he spots you. He hesitates for a moment, watching you work. He shouldn’t be disturbing you; he knows you’re always busy, but since Tech had informed him that they were heading back to Kamino, he hasn’t been able to shake the urge to see you, speak to you, and exist in the same space as you.
As he approaches, his boots make a minimal sound on the pristine floor, and he clears his throat, his usually confident demeanour faltering in the presence of the one person who manages to unravel his composure. “Hey.” His voice breaks the silence, though it doesn’t draw the attention of the Regs or droids.
Caught off guard, you startle a little, glancing up. Your eyes widen slightly as you take in the man standing before you. Elation floods your body as you gaze into the sharp brown eyes you’d come to adore, and relief follows quickly at the realisation that he’s in one piece and has survived whatever mission he’d been sent on recently. For the longest time, you’d tried to convince yourself that your care for the quiet sniper was solely professional, but you were fooling no one. “Cross… you’re back.” You greet him, a shy smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
He’d never admit it, but warmth spreads through his chest at the nickname. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” He mutters, sliding his toothpick back to the other side of his mouth.
Your eyes track the movement of the toothpick before flicking up to meet his gaze, offering him a warm smile. “No problem. Just caught up in the datapad, you know how it is.”
He nods, though internally, he’s relieved by your easy response. The following silence is awkward, and your gaze dips away momentarily, but you take the initiative and set aside the datapad. “What brings you to the medbay today? Not feeling under the weather, I hope?” You inquire, concern evident in your expression.
Guilt churns in Crosshair’s gut, but he refuses to let it show. He can’t help himself. “Feeling off.” He states, the lie rolling from his tongue with ease.
With a slight frown of concern, you gesture towards the private consultation room, a familiar song and dance now. Crosshair enters the room first, depositing his toothpick in the trash can near the door before he slides himself up to sit on the exam bed while you enter. The door clicks shut, and you fall into a standard med check routine.
Crosshair answers your questions with his usual brevity, providing enough information to satisfy your professional curiosity and cover up that he’s lying to be here with you. As you work, the tension in the room eases.
As you move to the physical examination, you watch as Crosshair pries his left hand plate and gauntlet off, enabling you to slide your fingers under the cuff of his blacks, pointer and middle fingers pressed to his wrist, counting the beats of his heart.
Despite his best efforts to remain indifferent, he can’t help but feel warm at your touch, heart rate elevating.
Under your fingers, you feel his pulse quicken. It’s throwing off your count, and you know that once again, you won’t get an accurate figure, but you don’t draw attention to it, blissfully believing it was his anxiety at being in the medbay. Selfishly, you enjoy this part the most. Crosshair is warm to the touch, skin surprisingly soft, and you can stand a little closer than usual, enabling you to breathe in a scent you’ve come to associate with him – regulation body wash, blaster cleaner, and a sour sweetness you’re sure is from candy. You’ve seen how he eyes up the sour gummies you hand to Wrecker whenever you’ve finished patching up or looking over the gentle giant.
After a minute, you draw your hand back, offering a slight nod, which sees him sliding his armour back into place. Lifting your pointer finger, you wait for his gaze to snap towards it, and then you watch as he tracks it side to side, up and down, near and far. You’d recommended the addition of this check when you’d learned about his enhancements – never a defect, in your opinion – and how heavily he relied on his vision.
He tracks your finger with ease, eyes moving smoothly and quickly. “Everything seems to be in order.” You state quietly, reaching for a nearby datapad to update his medical file.
Crosshair can’t help but admire you as you tap away at the screen. He sees a great deal from afar, but being closer opens a new world. “How’ve you been?” He asks, finding himself genuinely curious. He hates small talk with a burning passion, but he’ll always make an exception for you.
“Good! It’s been busy. We had some of the boys from 184th come in, and their injuries were unlike anything I’ve seen before.” You paused in your tapping, glancing up at Crosshair, gauging whether to continue. His gaze was focused on you, and the fact he was still listening gave you the courage to continue. “I mean, I’ve dealt with blaster wounds, shrapnel, even the occasional strange accident, but this...this was something else.” You shared, focusing back on the screen before continuing the story.
“They had this inexplicable rash all over their bodies. I’ve never seen anything spread so fast. And the worst part? No one could figure out where it came from. We ran every test imaginable, yet their blood work was normal; there were no signs of infection, but this rash kept spreading.” You rambled, excited at getting to share this with him. It had been a highlight of the last few weeks – a break from the usual. “We started brainstorming, throwing around ideas, and then it hit me. We needed to check their gear, their uniform, everything. And you won’t believe what we found.” You paused again, looking up at Crosshair with wide eyes.
Did Crosshair give a damn about some Regs with a rash? No, not really. But he cared about you, and the excitement on your beautiful face, as you shared this story, meant he’d gladly listen to the tale a hundred times. “What did you find?” He asked, watching as you broke out into a smile. Sometimes, his heart ached at how easy it was to make you happy – that all it took was someone willing to listen to you.
“Coma-bloom flowers. They’d made camp beside a huge patch of coma-bloom and, while sleeping on the ground, had rolled into some of its pollen. It could’ve killed them if they’d accidentally ingested it, so thank the Maker, all they did was get it on their skin. But still…took a lot of meds, and a lot of showers, to get it out of their systems.” You explained. It had been a fascinating case, expanding your medical knowledge and driving you into exploring other fauna and flora that could be toxic to the men who swung by the medbay.
The realisation sank in quickly that you’d rambled for a while, excited over a case of troopers with a rash. Maker above, he’d think you were crazy. Head dipping a little, you tapped at the datapad screen nervously.
Your sudden shift in mood wasn’t lost on him. He’d seen his brother act the same way after info-dumping. “Smart girl.” Crosshair murmurs, a deep feeling of pride settling in his chest. The shyness that overcame you at his compliment made his gut twist. You were too sweet.
Warmth blooms in your chest at the compliment, and you busy yourself by sifting through his medical file, so you don’t dwell on the feelings bubbling inside you. “You didn’t collect the prescriptions from your previous visits...” You mumble with a frown, double-checking that you were reading his notes correctly. “Did the symptoms go away on their own?” You ask, glancing up at him.
Crosshair freezes, mind racing as he tries to devise an excuse. Any excuse would do.
They were shipped out before he could collect them? No. Once, perhaps, but more than that, and it would be obvious he was lying.
He could go down the route of feeling better before collecting them. But no, that would only make it seem like he’d been wasting your time.
With a sigh, Crosshair realises he only has one path. “They were never there to begin with.” He comes clean.
Brow’s furrowing, your head tilts ever so slightly, curious and concerned. “What? Then why did yo-“
“What kind of spell did you put on me?” Crosshair unintentionally interrupts, watching as your concern melts into surprise, your beautiful eyes blinking a few times. He reaches out, tracing a finger across your cheek before dragging his thumb across your lower lip. “You won’t leave my thoughts. Driving me crazy.” He whispers, loathing how vulnerable he feels but unable to stop himself now there are cracks in the wall he’d built up around himself.
“O-Oh…” You swallow, not sure what to do with such a confession, caught off guard by the intensity of the words and his gaze. The thud of your heart rings in your ears, and butterflies erupt in your stomach. “Urm, well, I’m so-”
Before you can finish the sentence, Crosshair presses his thumb more firmly to your lips. “Don’t you dare apologise, doll.”
Silence hangs in the air between you. Your thoughts are a whirlwind, processing the unexpected confession from Crosshair. His touch lingers on your lips, and you can feel the warmth of his skin against your face. The nickname catches you off guard, and a flutter of something unspoken stirs within you.
Crosshair, for all his stoicism, appears different in this moment. Vulnerability seeps through the cracks in his demeanour, and the intensity of his gaze makes your heart race. You can’t deny the attraction you’ve felt for him, the way your heart would skip a beat whenever he entered the medbay, but this...this is a revelation.
Finally, Crosshair withdraws his thumb from your lips, filling the room with a charged silence. It’s as if the atmosphere has shifted. “When are you next off duty?” He asks. He’d already shown his hand, and you hadn’t run away or demanded he leave – it was worth pushing his luck just a little more.
Confusion mars your brow. “Tomorrow.” You answer quietly.
“I know this great place on Kowak.” Crosshair pitches, anxiety clinging to his words despite his attempt to sound casual. He’s never been one for small talk or sweet gestures, but the prospect of spending time with you outside the confines of the medbay is something he finds strangely appealing.
Your eyes widen in surprise, the unexpected invitation catching you off guard. Kowak isn’t exactly a typical choice for a casual outing, but then again, Crosshair is anything but typical. “Kowak? Really?” You respond, a mix of curiosity and amusement colouring your tone.
He nods, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “Yeah, there’s this little cantina with the best atmosphere. Quiet, secluded. I think you’ll like it.”
A genuine smile tugs at the corners of your lips. “I’ll take your word for it. Tomorrow, then?”
Crosshair nods again, a subtle tension releasing from his shoulders. “Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 0900 hours.” He shifts off the exam bed, booted feet meeting the floor. He holds your gaze for a second longer before breaking it and heading for the door.
A fleeting feeling of panic laces through you. You don’t want Crosshair to go, even though you’ll see him tomorrow morning. As he reaches to press the small button to open the exam room door, you call out his name, watching as he pauses. Feet carrying you across the small space, you don’t know where the courage comes from as you push up on your tiptoes, pressing a feather-light kiss to his cheek.
Crosshair freezes at the unexpected touch, his heart pounding in his chest. The sensation of your lips against his cheek sends a jolt through him, and for a moment, he’s unsure how to react. It’s a rare instance where he finds himself genuinely caught off guard.
He turns to face you, his sharp brown eyes meeting yours. The vulnerability in his expression is back, your small gesture cracking open another layer of the wall he tried to hide behind, and Crosshair finds himself at a loss for words.
You, on the other hand, feel a mix of bravery and uncertainty. You’ve taken a leap, and now you’re waiting for the reaction, unsure what it means for the dynamic between you both. His gaze lingers on you, and the air is thick with tension.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Crosshair breaks into a rare, genuine smile. It’s a subtle curve of his lips that transforms his usually serious countenance into something softer. “You surprise me, doc.” He says, his voice a low murmur. “But I’m not complainin’.”
With that, Crosshair steps back and opens the door, sliding a fresh toothpick between his lips. As he exits the room, he glances back at you, a lingering intensity in his gaze. The door slides shut behind him, leaving you in the quiet room, heart racing and mind reeling from the unexpected turn of events.
Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
#the bad batch x reader#the bad batch x you#tbb x you#tbb x reader#the bad batch crosshair#crosshair x reader#tbb crosshair x you#tbb crosshair x reader#crosshair bad batch#bad batch crosshair#tbb crosshair#crosshair#crosshair x you#the bad batch#star wars the bad batch#star wars clone wars#ct 9904
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Forgiveness | Crosshair from The Bad Batch
Summary: When Crosshair reunites with his old squad, there are some unresolved tension between you.
Warning: spoilers from episode four, slightly jealous Hunter, recalling imprisonment with the empire, some angsty feelings
Pairing: Crosshair x Fem!Reader
Type: Oneshot
Word Count: 2.1k words
Note: Just had this one shot on my mind for a while and wanted to get it fully written. Let me know your thoughts down below!
The past several months had been incredibly difficult for the team. Having just lost Tech and Omega, they didn't quite know what to do or where to go from there. They spent months chasing down leads, desperately searching for any sign that would tell them where the Empire was keeping Omega. But every mission only resulted in another dead end with no usable intel.
It felt like they'd fallen into the same repeating cycle. They'd hear a whisper of something, follow that whisper, and find nothing that could aid them in their search. They refused to give up, especially their leader who was more determined than ever to bring her back home.
After many long tiresome months, their search was finally over. In the end, Omega was the one who had managed to escape from confinement and send a coded message to rendezvous somewhere safe. Now, Omega stood directly in front of them with big tears in her eyes. They'd never felt a stronger sense of relief than having her back safe and sound.
"I had help," Omega told them.
Turning around to face the ship that she'd arrived in, their eyes seemed to follow her line of sight. A figure emerged from the ship's gangplank, descending the ramp slowly. When the infamous sniper came into view, Hunter and Wrecker felt slightly unnerved. They still didn't trust him, watching his movements with extreme caution.
However, as soon as you'd seen him, it almost felt like your heart had dropped to the lowest point in your stomach. Your breath hitched in the back of your throat and you fought the tears that threatened to release. You couldn't believe your eyes.
Sensing your sudden swelling of emotions, Hunter spun around on the heels of his feet to face you. He took a single step forward and reached out to you as if to comfort you, calling your name very so gently.
But you just couldn't look away from Crosshair. Your Crosshair.
The one who had betrayed his family to join the Empire's forces. The one whose chip had activated during the order and changed who he was as a person. The one who hunted you. The one who was finally offered the second chance he wanted so badly by his squad, but refused them in the end. The one who left you and vowed he didn't love you as you had loved him. That Crosshair.
After the Fall of Kamino, Hunter was left to comfort you during one of your lowest times having since been rejected from his younger brother on that platform. He lost count of how many nights you cried yourself to sleep in his arms. You never talked about it, but he knew somehow. That maybe there was still apart of you that cared deeply for him, which was why it hurt all the more.
Now, coming back to your reality, you truly didn't know how to feel. You never thought you'd see him again or if you had expected to see him again, it wouldn't have been in this current situation. He just stood there looking directly at you.
His face was blank. He showed no emotion whatsoever.
Finally, having gathered your courage, you started walking towards him without taking your eyes off him. Hunter had tried to stop you once again, roughly grabbing your forearm to halt your movements.
"Y/n. Wait," Hunter's voice came out rather gruff and harsh.
He was warning you. He didn't know what else to say, but it didn't matter because you quickly tore your hand out of his grasp. And you continued your approach across the space between.
Finally, you came to a halt in front of him. His eyes never looked away from yours and he continued to remain unreadable with his emotions. He waited expectantly.
He didn't know how you'd respond to seeing him again because the last time he had seen you, you confessed your true feelings for him and he chose the empire over you. He'd seen the hurt flash in your eyes when he said he didn't love you, how you fought the tears from falling at his words.
Months later, you were standing in front of him once again. He half-expected you to lash out in anger at him. He wondered what you'd say to him, thinking of how your voice would sound when you tell him: "How dare you show your face again?" He'd even take a couple hits from you if you were angry enough. He wouldn't care, because he deserved all the hate you had for him.
The very last thing that Crosshair expected was to hear a choked sob escape past your lips as your walls came crashing down around you. You closed the distance between the two of you, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso and burrowing your head into his chest. You clung to him so desperately as if you were afraid he'd slip through your fingers again. The tears began to fall down your cheeks as you held him close.
At first, Crosshair didn't know what to do with himself. He stood in your arms stiffly and awkwardly. It took a while before his shoulders finally eased up and he shakily raised his arms to wrap around you. He propped his chin onto the top of your head, relishing in the sweet feeling of your embrace. He closed his eyes slowly.
In the distance, Hunter's gaze hardened. He felt his fists clench at his sides instinctively. A newfound sense of anger began to arise in the pit of his stomach.
"I don't care about the things you've said or the things you've done," you spoke softly. This confession confused him even further. "What matters to me is that you're back."
After another moment, you reluctantly pulled yourself out of his grasp. You flashed him a brief smile, quickly wiping away the tears that stained your cheeks. You created a little distance by taking a step back, wanting to respect his boundaries. He watched you silently because he was honestly too shocked to say anything.
Leaving the rendezvous point in the Marauder, the now reunited members set a course to return to the safe haven planet known as Pabu. The Marauder was traveling through hyperspace, enveloping the entire ship in a tunnel of blue and white flashing stars. The little gonk droid waddled into the cockpit happily.
In the sleeping quarters, Wrecker and Omega had long since fallen asleep in each other's arms. They held Lula between the two of them. If you looked closely, you'd be able to see the faint smiles on their faces while they slept, knowing that they were both so happy to be reunited with one another.
Meanwhile, Hunter tried to busy himself at the control center. He typed on his brother's old data pad, figuring out what their next steps were going to be. If he was being honest with himself, his mind wasn't entirely focused on the task at hand. He often found himself glancing towards the cockpit upon knowing that was were his brother currently resided.
Brushing right past him, you walked directly into the entrance of the cockpit. He watched your retreating figure, which went unnoticed by you. An overwhelming sense of sadness filling his senses as he remembered the longing feeling you felt towards his brother and not him.
When you came into the cockpit, Crosshair was sitting in the copilots chair with his back turned to you. He was chewing on a toothpick, mulling his thoughts over. You were slow to make your presence known to him, gingerly stepping forward in your place.
"I made up your old cot for you," you told him with a hint of hope in your voice. "Thought it would be a good idea for you to get some rest."
He hummed. "And where will you sleep?"
"I--I don't know what you mean," you stumbled over your words, laughing awkwardly to cover it up.
"You used to sleep in my cot during my leave of absence," Crosshair recalled this piece of information because Omega had once told him about it during their time of confinement. "So where will you sleep?" Crosshair repeated himself.
"There's always that extra cot," you said rather sorrowfully. Your gaze fell to the floor when you remembered the notable absence of your squad member.
Hearing your response only made Crosshair close his eyes. It was all still new to him: the fact that he lost one of his brothers. He wasn't used to the feeling of him not being there because he'd always been there. He never imagined what life without Tech would look like. And now, he had to live that reality.
Since Tech died, you hadn't been able to bring yourself to cleaning up his personal space. His old workbench was left exactly how he'd left it with tools and gadgets scattered randomly. His cot was a whole other ordeal. There were wires coming out of places there shouldn't be wires and greasy parts had stained the sheets. Every time you looked at it, it was almost like he was still there living among you. So you never touched it.
That was until now when the need for another sleeping place arose.
"He's been watching you like a hawk," Crosshair's voice was quick to pull you away from your thoughts as he quickly changed the subject. You furrowed your eyebrows in slight confusion.
"Who?" You asked.
"Hunter," Crosshair rolled his eyes. His tone almost hinted: who else would it be?
"Oh," you replied softly, not really knowing how to respond to that.
"He worries about you, you know that right?" Crosshair added. He kept his back to you.
"Well, I--I never..." you threw a brief glance over your shoulder, but you were still at a loss for words.
"He'd be better for you," Crosshair confessed. He dropped his gaze down to his hands which shook ever so slightly in his lap. He clasped them together to stop the shaking. "He's cared about you for a long time and he's been able to take care of you. That's more than I can say."
"Crosshair," you breathed steadily. You called out for him and tried to peer around the chair. "What's this all about?"
Contemplating his next words carefully, Crosshair remained silent for a moment. He closed his eyes and turned his head away as if he wanted to run away from all of his thoughts and feelings. But he knew he couldn't do that.
"I---I care about you," Crosshair confessed, but he still refused to look you in the eyes.
Shoulders depleting at his confession, you felt your own breath escape your throat and your heart clenched tightly in your chest. You struggled to find the words to respond, opening and closing your mouth like a fish out of water.
"B-But I thought..." your voice trailed off as you took a single step forward. You recalled the conversation on Kamino.
"I know what I said!" Crosshair yelled back a little louder than he expected initially. You weakly took a step backwards in retreat, feeling him pushing you away again.
"What changed?" You inquired curiously.
"When I was...in confinement...I had a hard time sleeping," Crosshair began to explain. He kept his gaze locked on his hands as he relived the painful memories. "Every time I managed to fall asleep, I'd think of you. And it made me realize how much I missed you."
There was only silence that followed.
"I've made mistakes; done things that I'm not proud of. But one of my biggest regrets was pushing you away," Crosshair was speaking from the heart.
Before Crosshair knew what was happening, he felt a warm hand come in contact with his cheek. The hand urged him to turn his head and look up directly into your soft and kind eyes. You observed him silently, gazing deeply into the depths of his eyes to look for any deceit or falseness.
But all you could find was a truly broken soul. He had never looked at you like that before with such a tone of pain and hurt behind those eyes. He raised his shaky and unstable hand to grasp your wrist and hold your hand against his cheek. He seemed to lean into your touch, relishing the feeling of your skin against his own.
His hand tremors didn't go unnoticed by you. It was something he carried with him now. And he'd have to find a way to work through that struggle.
There was a part of him that wondered if this was all just another one of his dreams of you. That he'd only imagined escaping prison with Omega, fighting for his life, reuniting with his brothers, and finally confessing his feelings towards you. He closed his eyes and expected to wake up from this horrible dream at any moment. But instead: Crosshair only heard you say.
"I forgive you."
#the bad batch#the clone wars#star wars#tbb#crosshair#tbb crosshair x y/n#tbb crosshair x you#tbb crosshair x reader#tbb crosshair x fem!reader#tbb crosshair fluff#tbb crosshair angst#tbb crosshair smut#tbb crosshair#tbb hunter#tbb jealous hunter#tbb hunter angst#tbb hunter x reader#tbb hunter x you#tbb hunter x y/n
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I wanted to share my thoughts about the first three episodes of Bad Batch season 3 immediately after watching them, but I was too emotional about everything I saw that I needed some time to calm down a bit.
It's beyond my expectations, just perfect! From the plot, to the characters, through the beautiful graphics and wonderful music, everything was epic. This season will definitely be much more mature and dark than the others. I love Bad Batch with all my heart and words cannot describe how important these characters are to me. I don't think I will focus on each episode separately, but I will show my general feelings and thoughts.
Something that touched my heart deeply was how Omega becomes so much like Hunter. Her facial expressions, her eyes, tactical skills and that characteristic whistle! I immediately thought of Hunter. She became so mature, strong, decisive and calm in stressful situations. It's clear that she's no longer the same little child we met on Kamino in the first season. She has changed so much... Even Crosshair seems to see this, as he let her lead during his escape from Mount Tantiss. He was her support, did not question her ideas and did not hesitate to follow orders. I love watching their bond become stronger. Every day Omega came to his cell, talked about her day... and he listened... he had no choice because he couldn't just go, but I think they both needed each other's presence. They knew they were not alone and encouraged each other, in some way.
It is clear that Omega still misses the rest of her brothers and strongly believes that she will be able to return to them again, together with Crosshair. She can't imagine leaving him, it's out of the question. No matter how hard Crosshair tries to make her believe that he is not worth saving, she will still be on his side. I think Crosshair realized through her that his brothers never really wanted to leave him and were willing to take him back at any time if he just wanted...
Even though Omega has become more mature, she is still a child. Being locked in a cell, the routine and monotony of life must be very exhausting for her, because she is by nature a lively, active and curious sweet girl. She spent most of her life locked up and the only good memories she had were of freedom and her brothers, even though it wasn't for a long time. She even made herself a doll like Lula, who stayed on the Marauder with Hunter and Wrecker. This parallel symbolizes their connection, despite the enormous distance that separated them. And Batcher... Omega doesn't want to forget, she wants to remember her brothers, the love she had for them and received from them, all those good memories together... Ouch...
Somewhere in another part of the Galaxy, two brothers are desperately looking for their little sister. Their worn armor shows that they have fought hard during this time. Hunter also has different bandana... I've seen a theory that it's similar to the band Omega wore on his wrist in season two. This way, maybe Hunter wanted to always have her close to him, at least a part of her, I wonder if he can smell her scent... Oh Force, I'm gonna cry...
The sight of Hunter having difficulty working with Tech's Datapad, how desperate he is to do everything he can to find Omega, how exhausted he seems... Maybe it's just me, but he looks thinner and has paler skin than before. This breaks my heart. I'm sure he was thinking about Tech who could do the job in a second. The sight of his goggles resting alone, the empty space he once occupied... Marauder never looked so lonely... Let me tell you, I shed a tear.
I really liked how Wrecker was the voice of reason in his conversation with Hunter. It's beautiful how one look, a nod of the head, or a hand on the shoulder can bring Hunter down. They support each other and it is clear that after everything they have lost, they have become even closer. They need each other to keep from going crazy.
Even though they are the only two left, Wrecker still considers Hunter to be the leader and waits for his orders even though he knows he doesn't have to. He remains loyal. When he was talking to the little cadets on the Marauder, I was so happy when I heard his laughter. Honest, loud and heartwarming. I think he's needed this for a long time. He definitely misses the company of a child on board, he loves children so much...
I also love that little scene where Hunter is working and looks at Lula out of the corner of his eye, thinking about Omega. He can't live without her... I feel like if they were separated again, he wouldn't be able todeal with it and would just explode, showing all the anger and despair he was holding, possibly doing something stupid in the process... He loves his little Omega too much that he can't imagine life without her. He is ready to drop everything just to be able to hold her close to him, to keep her safe. I'm so scared for him.
On the one hand, I was surprised that Echo didn't stay with the boys to look for Omega, but I expected him to join Rex. They may also be searching, but I think their main goal is to free prisoners and gather as many allies as possible to create the Clone Rebellion.
I could talk for hours and still not express all my thoughts and emotions that these episodes made me feel. I can't wait for next Wednesday.
#the bad batch#star wars#clones#never stop loving clones#the bad batch season 3#the bad batch season three spoilers#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb echo#tbb crosshair#tbb omega#tbb tech#personal thoughts
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Something I made in a post that I think'll be lost in the texts + expanded a bit more
These panels are chronological events following AFO's pursuit of Yoichi's Factor.
AFO could tell if people were related through a Quirk. AFO and OFA also are connected to each other. In Kamino, AFO could confidently tell All Might that OFA had been passed on, so all that All Might had left were leftover embers.
When AFO killed Kudo, he asked where Yoichi was. He knew Kudo wasn't the holder of Yoichi's Factor at that time. He also realized when looking at Yoichi's hand that Yoichi's natural Factor was so weak he hadn't registered its existence. This implies AFO could sense Factors since he was young, and Yoichi's natural Factor never stood out to him.
Below are three panels of Bruce (right to left). Bruce fought, AFO killed him, and looked away in disinterest.
When he beat down Bruce, he already had a sense that Bruce didn't hold the Factor anymore. That's why, rather than yell in his face to figure out where it is and interrogate for a long time, he pulled up his corpse to inspect him better.
Bruce's corpse isn't resisting anything. Look at his feet; AFO literally dragged him. Bruce is already dead. Yet he's looking for something from him.
Bruce doesn't have anything for him. Nothing AFO wants.
When he looks away, he's dismissing Bruce, because Bruce doesn't hold Yoichi. AFO is wondering where Yoichi is, because he knows now that he's out there somewhere. Thus the pensive look to the wind.
After Bruce is killed, AFO and Garaki meet for the first time. Shinomori has Yoichi at this time, and AFO never comes close to him, so AFO is lost. He doesn't have any leads, and Yoichi has vanished.
Now that he knows Yoichi can transfer, it's possible for Yoichi to be kept out of his reach for the rest of his life. So meeting Garaki and having access to Life Force gives AFO more time to search.
Yoichi is still missing for 18 years though, because Shinomori is in hiding. AFO couldn't find him during the Fourth's turn.
This is why, when he encounters Banjo, the Fifth and active wielder of OFA [Yoichi], AFO is smiling.
It's been a long time, but Yoichi's in reach again. He knows where he is now. And this is the first time he's encountered the current holder.
Thus his shock.
[Yet... you never behave as I wish.]
It was the first time a Quirk wouldn't let itself be stolen. This was AFO's first encounter with this wall: it doesn't transfer without the holder's consent, and requires willpower stronger than all the holders combined to override that.
The holder is never going to give him that consent. To override the collective willpower, he's going to need something greater.
Meanwhile, look at Banjo's arms. Shinomori is the catalyst to tip OFA over the edge, that an unprepared vessel will be destroyed by how strong the Quirk is.
Banjo's arms are both messed up below the shoulder, just like Midoriya used to be. And like Midoriya uses Blackwhip to reinforce himself and stay standing, Banjo uses Blackwhip to hold his fist / arm together. His hand is being wrapped to stay in a fist.
(What I think is) The reason the limbs turn red, and then purple, from breakage, is a matter of blood vessels. Small, itty bitty, fragile things.
Using OFA breaks the whole area, from bones to blood vessels, causing internal bleeding. Thus the redness. But breaking those vessels again in a second go turns the area purple, because it causes instantaneous internal bruising.
But En wasn't ripped apart by using OFA. There's a cut on his thumb that lines up with the path of destruction; AFO sliced him in half. Otherwise, he wouldn't have that cut if it were just OFA.
It's hidden by the text in [... you never behave as I wish], but depending on where you see this chapter, you can see he got cut on the thumb. It's clearer where we see Nana take his hair from him, in [I only want... to make you mine!]
I have a post in drafts about En being cut in half rather than it being because of OFA, but I also hit an image limit, so I'm gonna end here. Ta.
#from the [hood shouldve been shinomori] post#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#spoilers#afo#ofa#all for one#one for all#bruce#banjo daigoro#hikage shinomori#yoichi shigaraki#izuku midoriya#kyudai garaki#please s7 be graphic over the ofa users deaths#dont sugarcoat it let the viewers see what afo did to the vestiges because he wanted yoichi#poor bruce got ignored by afo#en tayutai#analysis#manga#edit: the thing about ofa and blood vessels is based off of when i would play sports#i keep debating on if i should say where i got the idea from so im just gonna put it down here#i break the blood vessels and create little spots of internal bleeding. i keep playing.#the bleeding spots disappear for huge bruises that cover half of the limb instead#look at midoriyas hand. the uneven discoloring. thats bruising#but while i break tiny areas for little blood spots MIDORIYA BREAKS ALL THE VESSELS BONES + EVERYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MESS REPEATEDLY#midoriya RAN with it (you say run)
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Somewhere in a break room on Kamino
#this just suits them#little boba was such a menace#he still is#and omega is such a sweetheart#but she is also a menace#the clone wars#omega tbb#the bad batch#boba fett#the book of boba fett#kodicrome makes memes#they think it’s funny
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The Bad Batch - Sleep Headcanons
Hunter
the sound of his siblings sleeping soundly is like a lullaby to him
the lightest sleeper in the world thanks longnecks
unless someone is cuddling with him
partner, sibling, doesn't matter
if someone is right there he will bury his face in their shoulder or side and he will actually get some sleep
Wrecker
can and will sleep anywhere
will occasionally just nod off in the middle of a battle just because he can
everyone talks about wrecker snoring but tbh i feel like he's one of those sleepers that doesn't exactly snore, more like breathes loudly
Tech
sleep? ha what's that
its not that he can't sleep, it's that there are so many more interesting things to do with those wasted hours
sleep is an inconvenience
he will fall asleep the second one of his brothers scoops him up and wraps him in a blanket though (perfect depiction of this by @carrot-top-monk seen here with super heartbreaking ending)
Echo
he for sure mumbles in his sleep
like it's not always about his trauma but like to be fair its often about his trauma
but he'll just like perk his head up and just mumble some nonsense about tookas
sometimes it'll just be straight binary like hes literally saying zero one one zero one one one zero zero one one zero one one one one zero zero one zero zero zero zero zero zero one one zero one one one zero zero one one zero one one one one zero zero one zero zero zero zero zero zero one one zero one one one zero zero one one zero one one one one
he also frequently twitches in his sleep
and that includes his scomp
he doesn't use a blanket anymore because his scomp twitched one night and the blanket got all wrapped up in it and it took Tech 20 minutes to get it back out
Crosshair
I think I've seen it somewhere else before, but this man does not sleep
Like he might nap for an hour or two
And he naps fairly frequently
Like any given point that he is idle and at least seated he's out like a kriffin light
like oh missions over and hes sitting on a crate waiting to depart? ASLEEP
on kamino for a bit, in the mess hall and the regs are being tolerable? ASLEEP
hunter's giving a briefing of their next mission? ASLEEP
#the bad batch#bad batch#tbb#tbb Hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb tech#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#dangwriting#headcanon#Headcanons#bad batch headcanons#tbb headcanons#the bad batch headcanons#dangheadcanons
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Midnight Musings
Pairing: Echo x Reader
A/N: I think I should start a bingo card for myself with all this fandom hopping I'm doing lol Star Wars is my current hyper fixation, and one special copy paste boy had my soul in his hands.
Summary: You wake up to find Echo not in bed.
Word Count: 1,098
Warnings: This is truly the saddest thing I've ever written, which isn't saying much. But Echo has been to hell and back, and he needs all the hugs in the entire universe. So this was my self indulgent self doing just that.
In a quiet bungalow somewhere on lower Pabu, something suddenly pulls you from the pleasant dream you were having. In the bed you share with Echo, something didn’t feel quite right, but you couldn’t place what it was.
You huff, mildly annoyed at the inconvenience of being pulled from sleep and snuggle deeper into the blankets in hopes of finding sleep again.
You sleepily reach behind you in hopes of Echo being able to hold you until you fall asleep again, only to find the sheets cold. “...Echo?” you mumble, sleep thick in your voice. Less sleepy than you were mere seconds ago, you now understand what had pulled you from your sleep.
Your boyfriend was not where he needed to be, and you had a feeling you knew just where to find him. Pushing the covers off yourself, you swing your feet over the edge, sliding until your feet gently hit the floor.
You start your journey out of your shared bedroom and into the living space, leaning against the doorway. Looking around for his familiar bald head, you find him sitting at the table, head resting in his good hand.
From what you can see, he’s glaring down at his scomp link that rests in his lap. “Honey, are you alright?” you whisper. Some nights Echo had a hard time with nightmares or sometimes it was his survivor’s guilt that did him in.
In the light of the moon, Echo looks up at you, a shimmer of regret in his eyes as he responds, “I’m sorry, cyare. Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to.” A sad smile lifts at the corner of your mouth as you pad towards him.
“It’s okay, really Echo. I woke up and you were gone so I thought I’d come find you.” Reaching the table, you place your hands on his shoulders to gently pull him back into a sitting position. “What was it this time, my love? A nightmare again?”
He sighs and reaches his hand up to hold yours that sits on his shoulder, then shakes his head no. “No, mesh’la. Not this time.”
Leaning forward you place a kiss to the top of his head. “Then if not a nightmare, what is keeping you awake at this hour, hmm? And if you think of fibbing to me and saying it’s nothing, then you will indeed have another problem to reckon with,” you respond, almost whispering the words into the top of his head where your lips remain.
You hear him chuckle tiredly at your sass, the sound of his laughter lifting your spirits a little. Breaking the hold of his hand on yours, you slide your hands over his torso, stopping at the chest plate that sits atop his sternum. You feel him sigh, simultaneously in relief and in resignation at your touch.
“Alright, fine.” The low cadence of his voice soothes you, as you hold him from behind. He reaches his good hand back up to lay over yours again, and you smile into his neck as he answers your question.
“Cyare, it’s just…I don’t…,” he sighs, struggling putting his feelings into words. “I miss Fives, so kriffing much. The rest of the Domino Squad too, but Fives and I were brothers by choice. The two of us had been together since Kamino. Having to carry on now? Knowing he doesn’t get to? It hurts.”
You feel him shudder in your arms as speaking becomes too much for him, your arms instinctively pulling him closer into your arms. Heart breaking for this beautiful man, you softly respond, “I know you wish you could bring them back, and if it were possible, I’d do it for you in a second.”
Stepping back, you keep one of your hands clasped tightly in his as you slowly slip around his shoulder to face him. Dropping to your knees, you reach up to caress his face with your free hand. When a tear falls from his amber eyes, you lightly brush it away with a swipe of your thumb.
You squeeze his hand before continuing, “But I do know that wherever they are, they are so kriffing proud of you, Echo. You may have the scars and some metal parts to contend with now, but you survived. And are all the stronger for it. Your resilience and quiet strength are a couple of the millions of reasons why I have fallen in love with you.”
A small smile graces your lips as you drop his good hand and gently pick up his scomp link still sitting in his lap. “This old scomp link? Is proof to me every day that you survived and are here with me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, Echo. And if you need me to remind you every kriffing day that I love you, and that I’m not going anywhere, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.” Lifting it to your lips, you place a gentle kiss against his scomp while retaining eye contact with him.
His bottom lip quivers, and his eyes blink slowly. You can see the emotions churning below the surface of his beautiful face. Then, you are suddenly yanked up into his lap and into his embrace as he holds you close.
You place one arm around his neck, pulling yourself level with him. His response is a rumble of emotion, “Thank you, my love. You always know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. I’m sorry you have to-”
“Ah!” you suddenly place a hand over his mouth. “If I hear another apology out of your mouth, good sir, then I'll have to punch you. And I’d really hate to have to do that, Echo.” A grin breaks out on your face, as you make eye contact with him.
He looks emotionally drained, but graces you with one of his genuine smiles as you lean forward and place a kiss against his headset. As soon as you move your head away from him, you feel him turn his head and pull you in to press a gentle kiss to your lips.
“You’re not wrong, cyar’ika. I’d hate to have you get violent. Your punches hurt.” He chuckles, and you feel it tingle on your lips. “And for the record? I love you too. Thank you for being so understanding.”
He kisses you again, pulling you close. The two of you continue to sit in the quiet of the kitchen, trading kisses and soft words until the sky outside turns gray; a new day on the horizon.
#echo x reader#tbb echo#tbb echo x reader#arc trooper echo#tbb echo angst#tbb echo fluff adjacent?#echo tbb#echo tbb fluff#ish#the bad batch#the bad batch fanfiction#tbb#star wars#bad batch echo
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I actually find it funny when people will say the heroes need to kill more villains instead of arresting them when, from where I'm looking, every instance of the heroes killing a villain(s) has led to some consequence that would've been avoided had they just been taken in alive. (Which evidence has often shown them quite capable of doing.)
Lady Nagant was made to kill loads of people, driving her crazy and leading her to kill her boss and deprive the hero side of one of it's best.
Her case feels like a big reason why killing on the regular would be incompatible with the rest of the hero shtick; 'cause it turns out people with lots of blood on their hands have trouble using them to then shake the hands of children.
People say All Might should've killed AFO; but you can tell both from All Might's dialogue in Kamino & from how AFO regrew his head that that's exactly how their first fight ~7 years ago ended. AFO's brains met the pavement that day. And I can only assume this allowed his body to be easily recovered & revived, letting him lay low for the next 6 years to mould Tomura into a successor and orchestrate a good portion of the conflicts we've seen in this series.
Just saying, that sounds much harder to do from Tartarus. And at least the heroes knew when he broke out of jail way faster then when he broke out of the grip of death. Heck, it could easily be argued he only broke out of jail thanks to that 6 years of set-up.
Oh and where to start with Hawks killing Twice? Maybe how it enraged Toga & Dabi to make them more crazy & dangerous, maybe how it affected people's trust in heroes? Oh but the big one has to be how leaving Twice as a corpse let his blood be collected for Toga to get a parade off anyway; one the heroes were unprepared for too, which distracted a lot of the pros meant to keep AFO in Gunga.
All of which could've been avoided if Hawks had just taken Twice in alive. (Which I must reiterate he easily could have done; I mean his quirk was shown pretty easily countering a Parade.) The heroes wouldn't have had to deal with a Parade in this war at all if Twice was sitting pretty in a jail cell next to Compress & Geten.
I can't help but think those last two cases could be a surprisingly common occurrence too if heroes killed as much as some readers say they should. Like, could you imagine if every dangerous villain in Japan's history was killed and then just dumped somewhere for a guy like Dr. Garaki to get his hands on them the same way he got Shirakumo?
So anyway, between the mental health issues it causes, combined with how villains keep finding ways to perform necromancy; I'm just not seeing a lot of evidence that things go well for the heroes when they kill villains, or that they'd go much better if the heroes were kill-happy soldiers of the war on villainy all the time.
#bnha#lady nagant#hero public safety commission#all for one#all might#shigaraki tomura#twice#jin bubaigawara#anti hawks#dabi#toga himiko#pro heroes#kyudai garaki#shirakumo oboro#hero society#Hell if I wanna be petty; even Endeavor roasting Hood might’ve made him harder to study than the USJ Nomu or Kurogiri were.
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Omggg I was melting from flirtatious Seventeen, I love him being a shameless flirt 😫 Could you please do one where reader is very self conscious and just doesn’t see what 17 sees so she thinks he’s just messing with her when he says suggestive things? Maybe reader has an obvious crush on him so she assumes that because 17 knows he just flirts with her to embarrass her or try to get with her. Sorry if this is really long and specific😅, we all love everything you do btw! Thanks!
For Them
Summary: Alpha-17 has been driving you insane for ages now, and that mixed with the stress of your current responsibility is just too much.
Pairing: Alpha-17 x Reader
Word Count: 1358
Warnings: Kaminoans are assholes who experiment on babies
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni
A/N: So...I kind of went a little off the rails on this one. I had a plan, and then I started writing, and I got distracted by clone babies. Sorry.
Sometimes you hate the fact that you’re so easy to read. If you were just a little better at hiding your emotions, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Well, you hope you wouldn’t be in this situation.
After all, if your crush on Alpha wasn’t so obvious, he wouldn’t have any reason to tease you so much, right?
Because there’s absolutely no way that he means what he says when he flirts with you, or makes those suggestive comments to you.
Best case scenario he’s just trying to get into your bed for a bit of quick fun. Worst case scenario, he’s trying to humiliate you. And if you didn’t need this job so badly, you would have transferred out to somewhere else.
Tragically, this job is the best one for you at the moment, and you can’t just leave the cadets-
You purse your lips as you focus your attention back on your datapad and the information on the screen. You need to focus, you can’t afford to be distracted by Alpha right now. The Kaminoans decided to play with the genetic makeup of some of the tubies, and it’s a whole thing.
Three of them are albino, which comes with its own host of health issues that need to be mitigated. Two were born totally blind, and another three are going to be blind unless you figure out a way to keep their immune system from attacking their eyes (honestly cybernetics for all five of them will probably be the easiest option, after all no one’s figured out how to keep human’s immune systems from attacking their eyes), and one was born without the ability to use his legs.
Honestly, the urge to take all 9 of them and flee Kamino is getting stronger with every passing day, but as of right now, there’s no way for you to get them off Kamino without drawing the ire of several very dangerous men, Alpha at the top of the list.
You push your fingers through your hair as you scan the medical data coming from CT-238-765’s (his name is Grim and you’re pretty sure you love him) cradle and you scowl. He’s never going to be able to walk. Maybe with surgery-
“If you keep scrunching your face up like that, you’re going to get wrinkles,” A deep voice says from the door, and you yelp and your datapad tumbles out of your hands.
You whip around, your eyes wide, and then you press your hand over your heart, “Don’t do that!”
Alpha-17 grins at you, “Did I spook you, mesh’la?”
You scowl at him and duck down to scoop the tablet back into your hands, turning the screen away from the larger man so he can’t see just how bad these tubies are, “Did you need something?”
He drags his gaze down your body, and you fold the datapad over your chest as you fight the urge to shift uncomfortably. His grin broadens, “Yeah, I can think of a thing or two that only you can help me with.”
Your face burns, “There are babies in the room,” You hiss at him.
“They’re too young to understand what I’m saying, sweetheart,” Alpha replies as he enters the room properly, and peers into one of the cradles, “Honestly, I could probably bend you over in here and none of them would even know it.”
You sputter, “You…you don’t know-that’s totally inappropriate-”
He laughs, and moves to peer into Grim’s cradle, and you immediately move to put yourself between Alpha and the infant, without thinking about it. “You’re not allowed to handle him. Technically, you’re not allowed to handle any of the babies. Remember?”
Alpha rolls his eyes and lightly nudges you to the side, “The rule was only enforced when the Prime was alive, which he’s not.” You move to the side as he nudges you, curse you for being so weak in his presence.
“Only because everyone else is afraid of you,”
“You’re not.” He grins at you, “You want to fuck me.”
Your face burns, and you glare up at him, “There. Are. Children. Present.” You hiss at him.
“Yeah, yeah. So you’ve said.” He regards Grim silently for a moment, “Also, that wasn’t a denial, gorgeous. Why isn’t he moving his legs?”
“He’s fine. And I’m not going to sleep with you just so you win whatever twisted game you're playing with me,” You snap, though you keep your voice quiet, “And don’t touch-” You sigh when Alpha reaches into the cradle and pokes the infant’s foot, and he doesn’t react.
“The fact that you think I’m playing a game with you is hurtful, gorgeous.” Alpha replies, a frown crossing his scarred face as he looks down at the infant, “He can’t feel his legs.”
“He’s fine.” You say, your voice pitching a little higher in sudden panic, “They’re all fine. You can’t tell the longnecks. You can’t. They’ll decommission them.”
“Wait, wait. Hold on,” Alpha looks at you, suddenly no longer interested in teasing you based on the look on his face, “What…there’s something wrong with all of these tubies?”
“Winter, Snow, and Cin-” You motion to the three at the end, “Are all albino. The five in the middle are either blind, or are going blind, and then Grim here-”
Alpha holds up his hand, “What happened?”
“The Kaminoans were playing with their genes.” You say bitterly, “And now these kids are the ones who will suffer for it.” You carefully remove the monitors from Grim’s legs, and attach them to a different baby's legs, altering the data just enough.
Alpha stops you, “How long has this been happening?”
You shrug, “You know that CF-99 exists,” You point out, “They’re not the most popular because they’re assholes, but-”
“We’re all genetically predisposed to be assholes,” Alpha says dryly. His gaze lingers on the babies for a moment, “So, what’s the plan?”
“What?”
“For the tubies.”
You stare at him, “Um…so for the five that are blind, or going blind, I’m planning on making arrangements for them to get cybernetic eyes. As for Grim…I’m working on it-”
Alpha hums thoughtfully, “I have a better idea.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. How do you feel about taking the Tubies and leaving?”
You sputter, “I can’t raise 9 babies on my own without a job-”
“You won’t be raising them alone,” Alpha replies with a roll of his eyes, “I’ll be going with you.”
“...what.”
He looms over you, and you’re very glad that you’ve never been intimidated by Alpha, for all that he flusters you to high heaven. “You think I’m playing with you. That I don’t mean every word that I say to you. Maybe you have cause for that, I’m not going to judge. But I do mean every word, and if I have to run away with you and these kids to make you believe me, then so be it.”
“But…what about your other brothers?”
“They’ll be just fine without me.”
“But-”
“Yes or no, cyar’ika?” Alpha interrupts, “Do you want to ensure that these kids, kids that you named, have a proper life? Or do you want to run the risk of your manipulations getting exposed? And that’s not me threatening you. That’s me pointing out that you’re not going to be able to hide your lies forever.”
Your hands shake, “Of course I want them to grow up happy and healthy, but this is…”
Alpha stares at you and you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, thinking hard.
“Okay. Okay, but we have to be quick about it. If we get caught-”
“Don’t worry, cyar’ika. I can make sure that we don’t get caught.” He ducks down and brushes his lips against your temple, “Just be ready. We’re leaving tonight.”
And then Alpha is gone, leaving you alone with the 9 babies that you’re about to risk everything for. You sigh and turn to Grim, who looks up at you through big brown eyes, “You’re lucky I love you, kiddo.”
He flashes a toothless grin and grabs your finger, and you melt a little bit. You suppose it’s worth it.
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Bribe me sempai
[link to original post for context]
bahahahhaha, be BRIBED:
The attacks after point rain swept Obi-Wan’s face, armor, robes in fine grains of Geonosian sand—sand that could come right off with a few good wipes, always leaving the cloth dirtier than the man.
In a desert, water is a luxury. Obi-Wan ensured that every active soldier on Geonosis received enough water for hydration as well as a nightly spongebath, and he and Cody were no exceptions. But it was always their eyes on the requisition requests, their eyes on the remaining supplies, their eyes on the casualty reports whenever the medics ran out of clean gauze and resorted to soil-stained cloth.
For he and Cody, hydration and sponge baths were luxuries, too. They made a contest out of it—in using the fewest drops from their canteens to dampen the least dusty sections of their sleeves. Afterward, they sat together and took turns nursing the mud out of each other’s sweat-damp hair.
When the war is over, Cody once said, I think I’ll find the sandiest rock out there. Buy a couple of sandwraps and a good healthy dewback. Set up camp somewhere out there.
In love with the weather that much, are you?
Beats getting drenched in rain.
Because that was Kamino—a desert of saltwater dunes as blue as the sweltering sky that Obi-Wan stands under now.
Tatooine sand isn’t like the sand of Geonosis. Sponge baths leave only crusty caked-up rings around the ankles, wrists, and neck. Hosing things down clogs up equipment with thick layers of mud. Even the atmosphere—heavy and dry—peels flakes of skin from hardened, calloused knuckles.
The sandiest rock in the galaxy, here, beneath his feet, and Obi-Wan wishes there’d been an ending to the war, purely so that his Commander could have seen it.
Thank you for the vote and the fun time!! XD
Note: I'll be doing the corresponding Obikin drabbles and the drabbles for other ships after the poll concludes.
#codywan#cody#obi-wan#obi-wan kenobi#commander cody#voting drabbles#codywan drabbles#fic#mine#at least 3 more to go :D :D :D#answer#tutgotten
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Gentle Hands
Back on Kamino after successfully rescuing Echo and retaking Anaxes, you know just how to soothe Wrecker’s lingering back pain.
Pairing: Wrecker x f!reader
Word count: 1.4k
Warnings: established relationship, pet names, little bit of angst and comfort, flashback to how Wrecker got his scars, minor mentions of blood, fluff, soft love, light sprinkle of the hots for this giant mans size/strength, slight suggestiveness.
A/N: saw a headcannon that Wrecker doesn’t have a cybernetic eye and is instead partially/fully blind in that eye, and now I can’t get that out of my head.
Translations:
ner kar'ta – my heart
“Urgh.” Wrecker’s grunt echoes through the barracks as he flops face-first onto his bunk. You’d just arrived back on Kamino from Anaxes, another successful mission accomplished and a new squad member onboard.
Tech had disappeared off with Echo in search of better armour and weapons for the ARC Trooper. Crosshair had slunk off in the direction of the shooting range – not that he needed the practice - while Hunter had remained on the Marauder, needing the peace of the empty ship to finish his mission reports.
That had left you and Wrecker alone, and your man had wanted nothing more than to nap.
“At least take your armour off first.” You gently nudge Wrecker’s shoulder, earning a grumble of protest. He pushes himself up, big hands prying his armour off his body, depositing it with various clangs beside his bunk. You loved him, but Maker above, he could be messy.
Back on the bed, face pressed into the mattress, Wrecker winced, feeling a tweak in his lower back. “Babe…” He called for you, turning his head to watch you take your armour off, stacking it neatly on the large table in the middle of the room.
His gaze roved across your body, admiring the soft curves of your frame as you turned back to him, hands on your hips and an eyebrow arched. He couldn’t help but feel lucky to have you. You’d started as their civilian handler, feeding them missions and making sure they came back safely – the Kaminoans couldn’t have anything happen to their prized experimental unit, after all – but somewhere along the way, you’d stolen his heart, with your soft smile and easy nature. You laughed at his jokes, stayed up to watch holofilms with him, cooed over Lula the first time you saw her, and were always happy to hand over a detonator or two when he had the urge to blow something up. At times, you tempered the big kid in him, while other times, you let go of the reins and let him run wild.
“Yes, ner kar’ta?” You ask, taking a few steps over to his bunk. For the sake of appearances, you had your own bunk, though it was never used. The rest of the squad knew of your relationship, but it was a well-guarded secret, not wanting to risk the Kaminoans finding out.
As you draw closer, Wrecker drags an arm out from underneath him to gently snag your hand, tugging you in. He’d always been hyper-aware of his size and strength, but he was especially cautious with you. Hurting you was something he never wanted to do, even if it was an accident.
“Think I’ve tweaked my back,” Wrecker admits, offering you a sheepish smile.
You can’t help but smile in return, the corners of your lips curving as your loveable giant gives your hand a soft squeeze. For a moment, you admire him, still in awe that he’s yours. But as usual, a flicker of guilt passes through you as your traitorous eyes slink to the web of scars across half his face, his damaged ear, and the milkiness of his right eye. It was your fault he was partially blind.
You’d only been with the boys a handful of months when you’d missed a tripwire as you’d been pushing forward through a cave, setting off a nearby explosive. You’d been out in the open while the others could duck for cover. Wrecker had decided to protect you, turning you and pressing you to his chest, shielding you from the blast, taking the brunt of it himself. The memory of the dust settling, the blood as you pulled back from his chest and looked up, the panic and fear that had consumed you as you’d taken in the damage he’d sustained right before he passed out... all because you’d forgotten for one moment to look where you were stepping.
He’d been medevaced to a nearby Venator. You’d gone with him, his brothers insisting on it while they finished the mission, knowing it would upset Wrecker if they lost their 100% success rate. Washing his blood off your hands in a small fresher as you waited for news from the medics almost broke you. You’d been so close to handing in your resignation and retreating back to your quiet home planet.
But then he’d woken after surgery, after his brothers had successfully completed the mission and returned, and you’d all been briefed on his condition. His first questions to the medics had been about you – were you safe or hurt? Tears had rolled down your cheeks as the medics had relayed this to you all, Tech subtly pressing a tissue into your hand, and you’d known then in your heart that you could never leave.
“You’re doin’ that thing again,” Wrecker says, having watched a faraway look cross your face. He knew you still struggled with the guilt of his accident. “You’re thinkin’ too much.” He tacks on, gently bringing you down to sit sideways on the edge of his bunk, big arm sliding around your middle. “I don’t blame ya. It was my choice, and I’d do it all again.” He reiterates, pressing a kiss to your body. He said it every time he saw you slipping back into the memory, and he’d keep repeating it until you believed it.
Pulled back to the present, you offer him a soft smile, one of your hands moving to rub across his broad shoulders. “Sorry, ner kar’ta.” You murmur, focussing instead on the quiet noise of delight falling from his lips as your hands stroke his tense muscles. “Those tri-droids are probably the cause of your back pain.” You comment, watching his eyes flutter shut at your touch, the peacefulness of his expression chasing away the lingering guilt.
“They were stronger than they looked, but I wasn’t gonna let ’em crush the locals.” He comments, feeling himself melt into the mattress the more you rub at his shoulders.
You loved seeing him work, the effortless way he shoved assault tanks around or pried blast doors open, lifting up gunships like they weighed nothing, and how his thick fingers somehow nimbly managed to disarm explosives. “It was hot.” You admit, feeling warmth in your cheeks.
A rumble of laughter leaves him, the deep noise setting off butterflies in your belly, but he winces again as it jostles his back.
“Here.” You shift, gently easing the top of his blacks up. He helps you remove the garment, settling back on the bed as your hands return to his body. Broad shoulders taper down to his narrow waist, scars crisscrossing his warm, tanned skin. Evidence of a lifetime of war.
You get up momentarily, moving silently to your bunk to snag your unscented lotion – constantly aware of Hunter’s senses – and return to Wrecker a moment later. He shifts over, and you sit at his side, squeezing some of the lotion onto your hands. Rubbing them together, you warm them up before you press your hands against his back, dragging them across his body in firm, even strokes.
Wrecker’s moans of appreciation fill the barracks, and you stifle a giggle. Your hands keep working across his body, feeling solid muscles give with every pass, the knots loosening. Pressing your thumbs into his lower back, he grunts, hips rutting against the mattress. “Not until your back is better.” You tease, giving his butt a playful swat.
He grumbles in protest but knows you’re right – he’s too tired for anything anyway. The ache in his back is easing exponentially under your soothing touch, and he smacks his lips together as sleep beckons him, shifting on the mattress into an even comfier position.
The first drag of your nails across his warm skin makes him shiver, the corners of his mouth curving upwards as you start lightly scratching, fingers drawing patterns across the vast expanse of skin. The patterns shift to words, Aurebesh spelling out how much you love him, how handsome he is, how strong he is.
“I love you. You’re so good to me.” He mumbles, feeling the weight of your adoration, his eyes heavy with sleep, his mind struggling to focus on the words you’re scrawling across his body.
A warm smile passes over your lips, and you dip down to kiss his cheek softly. “I love you too.” You whisper back, fingers still moving lightly over his back as you hear his breathing turn deep and heavy, face going slack as he falls asleep.
You scoot to lay beside him, drawing his arm over your body. A nap wouldn’t hurt you, either.
#the bad batch#the bad batch x reader#tbb wrecker x you#tbb wrecker x reader#wrecker the bad batch#wrecker x reader#star wars the bad batch#star wars clone wars#wrecker#star wars#fluff#established relationship
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