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tigerkirby215 · 3 years

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5e Gondar, the Bounty Hunter build (DOTA 2)

(Artwork made for Valve Software.)

And here you were thinking that I wouldn’t actually make a DOTA 2 build; that’s where you’re WRONG! While this is sort of meant as my April Fools joke build I did actually play DOTA before migrating to League. I still love all the characters and I do genuinely think the gameplay has some strengths over LoL. The community...? Well, it exists.

Regardless back when I played DOTA I mained Bounty Hunter, which is rather ironic given I fucking hate League’s counterpart Bounty Hunter of Pyke. Gondar (yes his name is Gondar) was an extremely fun stealth assassin with a very unique passive to keep tabs on enemies at all times and inflate his teammates’ wallets. And apparently they magnified that even further by allowing Bounty to steal other heroes’ gold now with Jinada? Sweet Zeus Valve calm down with the feature creep...

Regardless: happy 5 days after April Fools! Hoes mad that I’m acknowledging DOTA’s existence.

GOALS

You can't fight what you can't see - DOTA is a lot more willing to give people invisibility. Helps when you can buy a gem that lets you see all invisible enemies.

The realm's justice - Jinada, que pasa? We need to be able to do big damage to critical points that weaken our enemies in a fight.

You can run but you can't hide - Your ultimate ability will be to track people down like some sort of... person who tracks people down for money.

RACE

Back in the Warcraft days Gondar was a Goblin, so a Goblin he shall be! As a Goblin you get a +2 to Dexterity and a +1 to Constitution, and Nimble Escape to get half of what a Rogue can do with your Bonus Action to Disengage or Hide (but not Dash.) And you get a nice bonus to take down big bounties (big in the literal sense) with Fury of the Small, allowing you to do extra damage equal to your level to a creature that’s bigger than you once per Short or Long Rest!

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Is your refrigerator running? Well you’d better go catch it, because there’s a bounty on its head!

14; WISDOM - Wisdom is tied to tracking, and spoiler alert? We’re going to be doing a lot of tracking.

13; CONSTITUTION - We kinda don’t need anything else so may as well use that +1 from our race to get a nice boost to our HP.

12; INTELLIGENCE - Practical intelligence never hurt when tracking down gods and demons.

10; CHARISMA - You need to be able to talk to the people giving the bounties.

8; STRENGTH - You’re a small man with small knives.

BACKGROUND

Man, if only there was a background for a Bounty Hunter! We’ll be going for Urban Bounty Hunter from the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide because just because the name says “urban” doesn’t mean you can’t prowl around the Radiant jungle too. You can choose your proficiencies among a small list: I opted for Insight and Stealth. You also get proficiency with two musical instruments or gaming sets: I’d maybe ask about languages instead? But honestly pick your poison.

Your feature Ear to the Ground gives you plenty of information about whatever bounty you may be tracking, as you’ve got contacts in all places to slip you information about where a giant fishman may be. “The Tidehunter becomes the hunted.”

(Artwork made for Valve Software.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - FIGHTER 1

You level Shuriken first on Bounty, you go for CON saves first in D&D. Along with those CON saves you also get proficiency in two skills from the Fighter list: Acrobatics will help you survive and Survival will also help you survive! But it’s mainly useful for tracking.

As a Fighter you can choose a Fighting Style at level 1: for a quick Shuriken Toss Superior Technique will let you grab the Quick Toss maneuver as well as a d6 Superiority die to use on said maneuver. It doesn’t take a lot to push Q and click on someone. Remember that your superiority die come back after a Short Rest, as well as a long one.

Finally as a Fighter you can hold onto a Bottle to use for a bit of Second Wind, healing for a d10 plus your Fighter Level as a Bonus Action. “A prudent hunter knows when to strike.” This ability also resets after a Short or Long Rest.

LEVEL 2 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters can up their APM with Action Surge, allowing them to take two actions in a turn. The Wiki says the trick of attacking people during Shadow Walk’s Fade Time is still a thing, so yeah pro tips from a League player!

LEVEL 3 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and truth be told I just want to be able to throw more shuriken, so Battle Master it is for four more Combat Superiority dice! You can also learn three more Maneuvers other than Quick Toss: Disarming Attack will let you knock an enemy’s weapon away with Heaven’s Halberd, and both Commander’s Strike and Distracting Strike are good to team up with your allies to play support. “My allies have earned their keep.”

But of course the most important feature is Student of War; no shmuck politician is going to hire you unless you have Calligrapher’s Supplies proficiency to fool a god to sign off his power to you!

LEVEL 4 - FIGHTER 4

How about we slow them down a bit? The Slasher feat will increase your Dexterity by 1 but also allow you to slow enemies hit by 10 feet. Additionally if you crit you cripple them, giving them disadvantage on their attacks! This only works with Slashing damage, so technically you can only slow in melee range with a Scimitar. But if your DM is cool I’d totally allow Darts that do Slashing damage to slow at range!

(”Twin Blades Assassin” set made by motenai and T_Vidotto. Made for YYF.)

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 1

First level Rangers get proficiency in one skill from the Ranger list: increase your map awareness and buy some wards for Perception. Additionally you get Deft Explorer from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, which grants you the Canny ability for two language proficiencies and Expertise in one skill of your choice. Your languages don’t matter too much but guess what? Survival is still used for tracking down bounties!

Speaking of those bounties you can mark them with not quite track thanks to Favored Foe. When you hit a foe you can choose to mark them and make them take an additional d4 once per turn for up to a minute! You need to concentrate on this effect though so you can’t just fire-and-forget like in DOTA, and can only use it a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus.

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get to choose a Fighting Style and you know what’s good for tossing shuriken? Thrown Weapon Fighting, letting you draw thrown weapons for free and giving you +2 damage to said thrown weapons!

But of course the main appeal of being a Ranger is the Spellcasting! You can learn two spells from the Ranger list: for a not quite stun that certainly isn’t mini Ensnaring Strike lets you throw a shuriken (or stab with your sword) to root an enemy in place. Alternatively if you want to track people super good Hunter’s Mark gives you advantage on Survival checks to track the person you marked, and also lets you do an extra d6 every time you hit the enemy!

It’s of course worth mentioning that both these spells require Concentration which means you can’t use them along with Favored Foe, but most of the Ranger spell list is Concentration.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers get to chose their subclass, and I hope you weren’t expecting Hunter just because the character is literally called “Bounty Hunter.” No we’ll be going for the Monster Slayer subclass, because certainly you only hunt monsters who have a price on their head for a reason, right? Regardless Hunter’s Sense will let you know what an enemy’s weaknesses are just by looking at them (and perhaps peeking at their inventory) with your Action. You can use this ability a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier and regain all expended uses at the end of a Long Rest.

But what we’re mainly here for is Slayer’s Prey, for more tracking marks! As a Bonus Action you can put another mark on a foe within 60 feet to make them take an extra d6 the first time you hit them! You can only have one target marked at a time with this ability, and it ends if you take a Short or Long Rest. This stacks with both Hunter’s Mark and Favored Foe, so pick your poison to do as much as you can to your foes!

You can also learn another first level Ranger spell like Snare, to set up in advance for bounties you know are coming. You get a lot more magic too: Monster Slayer Magic provides you with the Protection from Evil and Good spell, which is helpful for hunting down demons and fiends. You can also cast Speak with Animals once per day thanks to Primal Awareness, just in case you’ve been hanging around with Enchantress.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get another Ability Score Improvement, but we still kinda need to be able to turn invisible? Good thing Shadow Touched lets you increase your Wisdom by 1 and gives you the Invisibility spell along with one Illusion or Necromancy spell of first level.

What first level spell will we be taking you may ask? Why if only there was a spell to squeeze more gold out of your bounties. Oh wait! Distort Value from Acquisitions Incorporated, allowing you to sparkle up your bounties for more gold! You can cast both of these spells once per Long Rest without using a spell slot, and can also cast them freely with your spell slots.

(”Desperado in the Shade” set made by HeeJae.)

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 5

5th level Rangers finally get their Extra Attack. It’s about damn time to pick up some attack speed as a Martial Fighter.

You can also learn another spell like Locate Object, because sometimes items have bounties on them too. Speaking of spells Monster Slayer Magic gives you the Zone of Truth spell, and Primal Awareness gives you one casting of the spell Beast Sense, in case you want to ride along with Lifestealer.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers get Roving from Deft Explorer, increasing their movement speed by 5 and granting them a Climbing and Swimming speed equal to their walking speed, meaning you can follow your bounties through any terrain. Additionally Favored Foe increases to a d6 of damage, so while it’s still not really comparing to Hunter’s Mark it’s still helping!

LEVEL 11 - RANGER 7

7th level Monster Slayers have a Supernatural Defense against magic and crowd control. Whenever the target marked by your Slayer’s Prey feature forces you to make a saving throw or if you try to escape their grapple, you can add a d6 to your roll.

You can also learn another second level spell like Lesser Restoration, as a Dispel is never a bad thing to have.

LEVEL 12 - RANGER 8

Striking foes from the shadows is all well and good but you haven’t got many ways to keep yourself safe. (Other than using your Bonus Action to Disengage I guess.) The Mobile feat will speed you up and let you avoid hits after cutting a foe’s heels!

(“Giant Hunter” set made by Jigglypuff.)

LEVEL 13 - RANGER 9

9th level Rangers get third level spells! This means you get:

Magic Circle from Monster Slayer Magic.

Speak With Plants from Primal Awareness.

And Revivify from the Ranger spell list (thanks Tasha’s), in case you need to help someone Buyback their respawn.

LEVEL 14 - RANGER 10

10th level Rangers are Tireless thanks to Deft Explorer. You can recover Exhaustion on a Short Rest, and can use an action to give yourself a boost of Temporary Hitpoints a number of times equal to your Proficiency bonus, which resets at the end of a Long Rest.

You also get more ways to turn invisible with Nature’s Veil, which lets you turn invisible until the start of your next turn. Like Tireless you have a number of uses equal to your Proficiency bonus, which come back at the end of a Long Rest. “Unseen.”

LEVEL 15 - RANGER 11

11th level Monster Slayers carry a ministun to deal with casters. When you see a creature casting a spell or teleporting within 60 feet of you, you can use your reaction to try to foil it with Magic-User’s Nemesis. The creature must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC, or its spell / TP fails and is wasted. You can only use this ability once per Short or Long Rest however, so be sure to stop the enemy from using a teleportation scroll.

Additionally you can learn another spell like Nondetection, for protection against wards.

LEVEL 16 - RANGER 12

12th level Rangers can grab another Ability Score Improvement: even though we have an uneven Wisdom score I’m still going to suggest maxing out your Dexterity first for the highest possible AC, damage, and dodging skills.

(”Hunter with No Name” set made by BigTuna, Vermillion-Wlad, and Stefco. Made for Funn1k.)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 13

13th level Rogues can learn 4th level spells. You get Banishment from Monster Slayer Magic, but much more importantly you get Locate Creature from Primal Awareness for some proper Bounty Hunting! We’ll also be taking Locate Creature as our learnt spell at this level: one may say that it’s not the most useful spell, but if you need combat magic you can upcast Ensnaring Strike for a chain stun or Invisibility to dust up.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 14

14th level Rogues see Favored Foe increase to a d8. Is this way too late for a feature that’s still arguably doing less than Hunter’s Mark? Perhaps, but Favored Foe still doesn’t cost your Bonus Action nor a Spell Slot.

You do also get Vanish to hide as a Bonus Action but... you could already do that. Oops.

LEVEL 19 - RANGER 15

15th level Monster Slayers are masters at 1v1ing squishy spellcasters, as you master the Slayer’s Counter. If the enemy you marked with Slayer’s Prey forces you to make a saving throw, you can use your reaction attack them! You make this attack immediately before the saving throw, and if your attack hits you automatically succeed your saving throw.

You can also learn another spell but honestly? Pick your choice. We got just about all the character-accurate spells we could need as is.

LEVEL 20 - RANGER 16

16th level Rangers get their last Ability Score Improvement and while it’s probably late to do this the Resilient feat in Wisdom will make sure the enemy has zero chance to CC you.

WHY NOT ROGUE

There's several reasons I opted for Ranger levels instead of Rogue levels. Firstly Bounty Hunter can crit targets even when not stealthed, and Jinada is described as "preparing" the next attack which is much more in-line with Hunter's Mark and Favored Foe. Gondar's code language is most likely Goblin speak as opposed to Thieves' Cant. And of course Ranger was the only way to acquire tracking spells like Hunter's Mark and Locate Creature.

But above all else there were few Rogue subclasses that fit Gondar. Soul Knife is perhaps the only one that makes sense but ironically enough the unlimited nature of the Soul Knife Psychic Blades doesn't fit. (Also long-ranged teleportation doesn't fit either.) Monster Slayer meanwhile brings the backline counterplay to Gondar and allows me to work in a lot of Bounty Hunter's utility abilities.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I didn't come here to see my enemies grow rich - You have many ways to get the upper hand both in and out of combat, with both spells and martial prowess to aid you in combat. Between invisibility, Hunter’s Mark, Ensnaring Strike, or just generally tracking your enemy down you have all the tools you could need and more to get the jump on your foes.

Watch your head! - You are very strong against magic users and other enemies who force saving throws, and you didn’t even need the Mage Slayer feat! Monster Slayer is exceptionally good at giving one enemy an incredibly tough time killing you, especially if they rely on magic to do so.

Impressive technique, but not enough - A little bit of Constitution goes a long way, and a +2 to CON along with a d10 hit die will give you quite a bit of bulk in comparison to others.

CONS

A wise hunter knows patience - It takes quite a bit to set up all your marks, with several bonus actions to operate at maximum effectiveness. In fact you have an absolutely excessive amount of Bonus Actions to choose from which can make picking the right one very tricky.

My target eludes me - You also have several Concentration spells, and while your CON saves are good many of your spells are utility based you still can’t turn invisible while tracking down your bounty.

That's going to come out of my pay, isn't it? - Your Wisdom isn’t terrible but it’s not good either, and while most of your spells don’t rely on saving throws many abilities such as Hunter’s Sense and Magic-User’s Nemesis do rely on your Wisdom. I’m not saying Point Buy would be better but your Intelligence really isn’t doing much to help you.

But a good hunter knows what tool to use in any situation, and you have the tools to take out any target... for the right price, of course. Stalk your foes, strike when they least expect it, and reap the rewards for your allies. And if they're the type to complain that you're not from Runeterra simply remember that DOTA is better than League, and a LoL player can't deny.

(Comic by Nerf Now!)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #defense of the ancients #dota #dota 2 #yes really #DOTA 2 Bounty Hunter #bounty hunter #dnd ranger

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uncloseted · 3 years

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i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

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i-dont-want-your-hysteria · 4 years

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The Leppard Albums: A Summary

(inspired by Every Beatles Album)

Happy Saturday night everyone

The Def Leppard EP

Joe is 19 and just wants to ride a motorcycle okay

Groupie fantasy

Zeppelin lyrics meet Rush with an underappreciated bass line

On Though the Night

IT'S!!! ROCK!!! N ROLL!!! BABEY!!!

Joe is 20 and just really doesn't wanna work in a factory anymore okay

pls D; girl D; stop D; hiding D; your D; pain!!

another... groupie fantasy... I think? ...???

Leppard in Space

Joe is 20 and just wants to write something edgy okay leave him alone

STEVE 👏👏👏 FUCKING 👏👏👏 CLARK!!!! 👏👏🔥👏🔥👏👌👌

the original groupie fantasy but it's been re-recorded

girl?? make up?? your mind???

let's be mysteriously edgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zeppelin lyrics meets Rush but it's been re-recorded (but don't worry they still kept the underappreciated bass line)

High N Dry

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it

we have Mutt Lange now and this is the song that proves it

drONK TIEM

betcha didn't think we could write a ballad, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STÊVË!!!!! 👏👏👏👏 FÜCKÎÑ!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 C L Ã R K!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👌👌🤙👏👌🔥👌🎉🎉

underappreciated and that's all there is to it

noooo don't go you're too mysterious and sexy hahhaha

oh god Dx oh god no Dx we don't sound like this anymore we swear Dx

betcha thought we stopped writing Beowulf-esque pop songs didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🚫🚫⛔👎🚫🙅‍♂️👎🚫⛔🙅‍♂️⛔ *Joe tearing his throat up for 2 solid minutes*

Pyromania

IT'S ROCK!!!!!! N ROLL!!!! BABEY!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!! AGAIN!!!!! 😆😆😆

the Classic Rock Fandom™ in a nutshell 😓

INTRODUCING PHIL 👌👌👌 FUCKING👏👏 COLLEN 🔥🔥🔥

betcha thought we abandoned the idea of doing a ballad didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joe's back at it again with the edgy songs and is getting a lot better at it too

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ∆ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gunter 🙃 Glieben 🙃 Glauchen 🙃 Globen

the most underappreciated song on this whole entire fucking list sorry I don't make the rules

Alright, WHO in this band wants to be in a porno >:C

Joe's back at it yet again with the edgy songs but it's even BETTER this time

Hysteria

Girls Girls Girls ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS ANAKIN

🎸we!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!!! and african drum rhythms!!!!!!!!!🥁

we're not furries we swear we're just kinky D: also fuck you DJs here's some false endings

we haven't made a ballad that HURTS yet so here we go (with an underappreciated bass line)

the song that invented "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" (AKA when you cram for a test the minute before and end up getting 100%)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

S T E V E 😭👏👏 F U C K I N 😭😭😭 C L A R K 👏👏👏😭👏😭

nooo don't shoot me you're too kinky hahaha

a song about rioting and being #punk, but the only crime the man singing it has ever committed was getting a speeding ticket when he was 19/20

oh. oh shit. oh god. holy shi- I can't believe... ...we just accidentally made the most perfect song to ever exist :o like seriously- people are achieving nirvana as we speak I'm not joking I think we went too far with the perfection this time guys

THIS SONG IS ABOUT S E X AND WE AIN'T BEING SHY ABOUT IT EITHER LET'S FUCKIN GO BABE-

Don't 👏 give 👏 me 👏 love 👏

Adrenalize

gkKLglldlflhlADKSLALLFLSS 😆😆😆

I fucking love my wife uWu

fkKMglgllsLLslgflephpGLDLPT 😆(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)😆

We're just gonna get extremely romantic and passionate for 4 minutes and 3 seconds if that's alright with you (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

this album was the most painful thing any of us have ever had to do, so here's the most serious song we've ever done to date. Steve ✊ Fucking ✊ Clark ✊ -n-

now that our mental breakdown is over, we're gonna get extremely passionate and romantic again but for a lil longer this time aiight 🤙

one of us has a protection/ownership kink but we're not gonna tell you who

you know what this album needs? a little bit more pain

we're layin down the line (and by that we mean we want sex)

we're layin down the line pt.2 (we still want sex btw)

Retro Active

Beowulf songs are back babey 🤙

I'll say that again if I have to^

we!!! still!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!! we even covered something to prove it!!!!!!

Joe has now officially mastered ballads

I fucking love my wife part 2: she's a badass top

While Joe was off mastering ballads, Phil studied the blade

We covered something else bc again!!! we fucking!!! love!!! glam!!!

We rewrote Joe's motorcycle song bc we now realize it was cringe af (and it was an excuse for Joe to talk to Ian Hunter so that made him happy)

Joe has now officially mastered edgy/serious songs

it's a total bop but oh god. No. Please. No. Oh God. No. Don't. Please. No. Pls. No. Oh god. Don't.

This should've been on Adrenalize and you can Fight Me On That

Phil studies the blade (electric version)

Joe masters ballads (electric version)

Vault (there's only one new song on here so that's all I'm doing)

babe nooooo D';

Slang

Epic edgelords part 1

Epic edgelords part 2: Phil wrote it this time

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 2: Electric Bugaloo

soft breakdown :'c

hOT DOGGITY DAMN JOE'S VOICE HOLY HELL TAKE ME N- *clears throat* I mean introducing Vivian Campbell :3 aND THERE'S A BASS SOLO MMMM 🤤🤤👌 THIS SONG IS JUST SEXY FUCKIN LIFT ME UP AND-

Phil's marriage isn't going too well

in fact, no one's marriages are going too well

severely underrated bop

We're still not over Steve's death and we never will be :c

Joe makes edgy ballads his bitch yet again 👏👏

severely underrated banger 🔥🔥🔥

Euphoria

wE STILL MAKE FAST BOPS IN CASE YOU FORGOT 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Holy shit I didn't know Joe could hit a note that high

The 90s sucked for us but we'rE STILL HERE BICH 🖕

Can we pls give Sav more songwriting space on albums thx 😭💗

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 3: Even Sluttier This Time 😏

totally different from everything we've ever done and WE 👏 MADE IT 👏 OUR 👏 EDGY 👏 BITCH

uwu but it's sad so it's actually umu

partying like it's 1999- oh wait, it actually is 1999

*hugs Viv and scREEEEEEEEAAAMMS*

Phil studied the blade and attacks you with it

*gets escorted into the back of a police car* IM GUILTY!! I'M GUILTY!!! I'M NOT INNOCENT!!! 😫😫😫

whatever edginess we couldn't fit into Paper Sun we put into this song instead

we're entering the new millennium as Kings and there's nothing you can do about it 👑🖕

X (Ten)

Stand on a balcony at sunset when you listen to this one

(insert Vizzini saying "INCONCEIVABLE" here)

the big UwU

I got ghosted and it’s actually a lot more dark and depressing than I thought also I wish I was never awake

soft and edgy and sad acoustic dads

F-U-C-K SPELLS F- I mean L-O-V-E spells love uWu

babe nOOOooO I'm sorry I suck so much DD;

this sounds like out if Work It Out and Day After Day had a kid

we're gonna have a Funky Good Time whether you like it or not 😎

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2

we can't decide if we want this album to be edgy or uwu so we're gonna make it both

the same passion as Tonight but less sexy and more (you guessed it) uwu

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2 P A R T 2

Betcha thought our emo phase was over didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah!

bops have been and will ALWAYS be something we have mastered- even if the song we're playing isn't ours

SAV'S TIME TO SHINE

betcha thought we couldn't cover a Blondie song, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil's just getting nostalgic about London it's fine 👍

don't worry joe's still sCREAMIN

in which we make this song a million times better than the original

WE LOVE ROXY MUSIC SO MUCH WE CANTEXPLAINWEJUSTLOVEHEMRMFLGPHPH

we're letting Joe have his moment ok just let him have this 👨‍🎤

yeah we like Free- so whAT??

okay NOW we're letting Joe have his real moment- he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was like 12 okay just. let him. have this just. this one time. pls.

in which we confuse literally everyone by making them think this is a song that we wrote

we just need ONE more bop, okay? Just ONE more we swear then we'll stop being fanboys (for now...)

we'll be right back, it's Bow Down To Thin Lizzy Hour

*Phil tearing up his throat for 4 and a half solid minutes*

Songs From The Sparkle Lounge

this one's actually kinda dark and heavy? :o

honky tonk time 🤠🤙

FINALLY ONE OF SAV'S SONGS IS THE MOST POPULAR SONG OFF AN ALBUM 🙏🙏🙏🙏😩

FINALLY WE HAVE MORE SAV MATERIAL I LOVE IT SM ;∆; !!!!

Phil's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

it's time for one (1) badass religious song and if you don't like it then you can Fuck Off kindly 🙃

This whole album is "Songs That Were Written By Phil and Viv and Sav" heaven

I think sometimes people forget that we, even as a band, are fans of the Classic Rock Fandom™ too, and we feel the same pain as the other fans :'^)🤙

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album part 2

Viv's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

Mirror Ball (bonus tracks)

we grabbed fate by the balls and screamed fUCK YOU 🖕🖕

We are still Kings™ in case anyone was wondering 👑🖕

✨PHIL BELIEVES!!!! IN!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!! AND!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!✨

Def Leppard (Self Titled 2015)

Is this song about playing a live show? Probably. Is it also about having a fight? Is it also about angry sex? The world may never know.

Okay this one just absolutely SLAPS, periodt.

bootleg Another One Bites The Dust

*SOBBING* THEY'RE ALL SINGING LEAD I'M-

being badass, That's The Power Of Love

don't worry, we still know how to be Poetically Edgy

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm *bump bump* hooked on a feeeeling

I've Got a Spiritual Romantic Boner

Can't Keep Away From The Flame edginess gets crossed with some Zeppelin charm and badassery

someone in this band is fucking piSSED 😠😠😠😠

we're gonna @ someone tonight fellas

sAV OH MY GOD BABYYYYY 😰😰😭😭😭😭 DO YOU NEED A HUG

what if we tried to cross newer Metallica with Nickelback 🤔

what if we turned this into We All Need Christmas three years from now... 🤔

Bonus: Personal Jesus/We All Need Christmas

Viv really wanted to cover ABBA but everyone said no so he settled for cowboy goth™ instead

What better man to write a warm and fuzzy Christmas song than the warm and fuzziest man alive (Sav)

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joe-maristopher · 3 years

Text

«WandaVision»: 6. Send help

When I look at the WV's rating, I start smirking. Let's say, um, we won't see cuted heads with blood,f looding from the arteries, as well as the violent mating of all the people available for this, and we won't hear bad words, but the eye twitches often Because WV is creepy. Because it can be creepy to see, or because certain parts inside resonate with what is happening, and it becomes very uncomfortable.

As I said in the opinion for the first two episodes — those who have lost someone significant or gone through a traumatic situation have every chance to understand Wanda's feelings. And those individuals, who were so traumatized that at some point they FORGOT a terrible moment, because the human psyche is trying to protect itself, they probably nod.. and I hope these people are okay.

After watching the series... I sat and thought about it... And I got a panic attack. I think. I was personally affected by Wanda's state of mind. Her words about loneliness and emptiness are very clear, because I know what it is, and I really hope not to experience it again, being familiar with the spectrum of this feelings’ combo. It's really horrible feel like you're in a vacuum and you can't breathe.

I'm not surprised (at all that) Monica responded warmly. She also understands Wanda. She's good, no kidding. Once again, can she replace Carol as Captain Marvel? Please! And I want to see her continue to interact with Jimmy and Darcy. A wonderful trio. Humane. I also like how they performed in the episode.

Monica wants to help Wanda, and nothing will stop this woman, even if she needs to climb back into the perimeter.

Jimmy knows when to hit someone, and in general, quickly navigates the situation, calculates and makes a decision. No snot.

Darcy also takes a risk and meets the expansion of Wanda's territory, and before that, she wants to help Vision (hello, panic attack number two), and I would see what would happen if she wasn't stopped

As a bonus for their courage, all three now know that Hayward is plotting something behind their backs, his goal is to kill Wanda and, as a result, get Vision back. Vision's body. Otherwise, why track it? Hayward is an outright asshole, but you know what? He and Zemo would have gotten along. Well-well...

Inhale-exhale, continue.

I will touch on the topic of pseudo-Pietro very quickly, because I said the main thoughts last time and I do not want to repeat and click my teeth like a wilf wolf. I will not repeat the theories as wel;, let the series explain them ITSELF, and I am not made of vibranium to spoil my nerves, but I will write something for the story here.

He behaved throughout the episode as if he intentionally wanted Wanda to detonate (or wake up?). I don't need to be told how he behaved in the comics, I remember this, but it's not a comics issue. No loving brother would provoke a scandal like that. The pseudo-Pietro was DEFINITELY looking for pain points, or rather, he was going through them, and then he found it, and Wanda quickly shut him up.

In the dialogues with pseudo-Pietro, we learned more about the childhood of Wanda and Pietro. Poor kids. At the same time, Wanda's and pseudo-

Pseudo-Pietro knows TOO much. Don't you think that's suspicious? I do.

II.

The ad's eerie vibes — I´ll miss those cute bits of subtext when the series end — faded, when the picture of Vision, trying to find out what is going on, came together in pieces. Vision did not forget the quarrel with Wanda, took the moment and decided to clarify something for himself.

The edge of Wanda's perimeter reminded me of one Rick and Morty's episodes. Where Rick, Morty, and Jerry ended up in a simulation, and Jerry ended up there by mistake. It was decided not to spend all the resources on him, so part of the simulation was lagging, sometimes very funny. Vision isn't in the cartoon, so he got the dark version. I still believe that people suffer not because Wanda's hex are so terrible, but because her pain is broadcasting. Let it be my personal headcanon. I still don't know how to interpret the scene with Agnes, it also seems suspicious to me, something is wrong with it, but it only strengthened Vision's determination to put everything in its place.

I'll repeat myself. Marvel, what's your problem? What is this kink on Vision's death? How to beat it out of you, tell me already?! Fuck you, this is technically the THIRD death or attempt to kill Vision (it depends on what we see in the future episode), mixed with an allusion to people scattering after Snap. Will you pay psychotherapists for us?

Sorry, but Vision, agonising, Darcy, shocked, trying to help... I don't defy the truth: it was intense, and Vision's dedication is so Vision, but it still sounds in my ears. People with the same level of empathy, I feel very sorry for you if you are also still in a trance. Like me.

But yes, we now know for sure, Vision can't live outside the perimeter. In the comics, if you don't know, Vision also died... a sufficient number of times, there was a moment when he was dead for a very long time (if you heard a creak - it's me, I gritted my teeth), but one of his advantages is capability of healing/restoring. A Vision from a very distant future, with the frightening, I must say, look, said to present Vision, what is the advantage of synthezoid is: by replacing the organs he can live INDEFINITELY. But what will happen to Vision from MCU, I don't know.

Folks, we are preparing for his long death, or new tortures from Marvel. I don't know, I don't want to think about it. If Vision combines the memory of his past and his present, then he will have an interesting experience, nothing to say.

Darcy is now inside the perimeter, I believe she will explain him everything he must know (if she can) like Hayward's plans, and I HOPE there will be no silence that could lead to another disaster. And I also hope Vision will not accumulate a conflict that will also be disastrous, but for his relationship with Wanda. And my third hope is this: I hope Vision won't go into " this is all a simulation, I'm dead, do my feelings for Wanda and the kids exist, or have I been made to think that they are exist? Are they artificial?" thing, because this will turn out to be a disaster for everyone. For Vision. For Wanda. For children. For the entire perimeter. For the shippers, after all.

P.S. I see, this is the last episode in sitcome style? P. S. S. Wanda is a sad kitty.

#wandavision #disney+#scarlet vision #wanda maximoff #the vision #vision #grief #mcu #marvel #paul bettany #elizabeth olsen

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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years

Text

“I want a divorce” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Well. The title is rather self-explanatory. Hope you’ll like it ;) :

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

******

It wasn’t a rare occurrence for the youngest Wayne boy to barge uninvited in the Kent’s household. He’d come to play video games with Jon, or to just hang out with his friend.

More often than not, he’d stay for lunch (and of course compare every single thing made with what his mom or Alfred make). And though he never called to say when he would come, apparently thinking it uncessary to do so, he was always welcomed.

He was such a good friend to Jon, that neither Clark nor Lois minded. Both boys had a good influence on the other, as surprising as this might sound. Besides, Jon too, often went to Wayne Manor uninvited.

Though unlike the Kents, Bruce grumbled about it all the time.

Mainly because the kid always flew there using his powers. Your husband told Clark countless times to just ask and he would send a helicopter to fetch him…of course, only Bruce Wayne would think it reasonable to get a helicopter instead of his son flying discreetly there (he always made sure to land in the forrest next to Wayne Manor, so no one would notice him).

Yes, Damian was always welcomed in the Kents’ house, wether he was invited or not. Lately, Lois even managed to make him do the dishes, a feat that she was very proud of.

Oh and if only she knew that you were the one responsible for that change in your son. One day Jon was visiting and helping Alfred to clean up after diner, and you were thanking him. That’s Superman’s son “betrayed” his friend and made a comment about Damian never helping out when he visited his house, which made you scold him and tell him that it was the polite thing to do to at least offer some help !

You’d never tell Lois of course. It was better that she thought she was the one convincing your son to do it.

Today was one of those unplanned visit.

Damian knocked on the door (which should have been the first sign that something was wrong, as usually he would directly climb through Jon’s bedroom window. What was it with those Wayne boys and not using doors ?).

Clark was the one to open and was indeed more surprised that the boy knocked rather than him being here uninvited.

“Hello Mr. Kent, is Jon here ?”

“Mr Kent” ? Asking politely if his son was here and not just making himself at home by coming in ? Clark had no shadow of a doubt that this was your doing. You probably had a little conversation with him about the fact that climbing through people’s windows wasn’t very nice.

Only you, could make your youngest son behave like that.

“Hi Damian. And yes, he’s upstairs doing his homework. Come on in.”

“His homework ? Maybe I should come back later, then ? I don’t want to bother him, or you.”

That genuinely rendered Clark speechless. Has his best friend’s son been replaced by someone else ? A form of alien body snatcher or something ? Since when did Damian care about wether Jon was busy or not ? Not that he would impose himself if he really was, but homework ? Damian would usually help him out with it so it would be done fast and then they could hang out.

Clark was staring at the boy with his mouth open, not sure wether it was really Damian Wayne in front of him or not, when Lois walked past them and noticed the boy.

“Oh hey there Damian, coming to see Jon ?”

By saying that, she was expecting a sarcastic : “oh no, I came here to visit the neighborhood, I’m very interested in real estate” or something of the like, as obviously he was coming to see Jon. But she liked little snarky Damian, he made her laugh, which is why she asked him “dumb” questions on purpose sometimes. So she was very surprised when instead, he said :

“I was, but he’s doing his homework so I should come back later when he’s not busy. I don’t want to be a nuisance or anything.”

Lois stopped in her track. For a few seconds, she wasn’t sure wether the boy was serious or just extremely sarcastic (just like you). But after observing him for a while, she could clearly see he was being genuine. She looked at Damian curiously.

Which made the boy uncomfortable. Why were they staring at him like that ? What was their problem ? Were they having a brain aneurysm or something ? Should he just…leave ? Or should he make sure they were ok first ?

But before Damian could do anything, Jon came downstairs and saw all of them bundled up at the front door.

“What’s going on here ? Mom ? Dad ? …Oh hey Damian !”

“Hi. Are you done with your homework ?”

“Oh yeah, it was easy peasy ! Hey come on, I just got to a new level in « Cheese Viking » and unlocked new weapons !!”

Jon ran back upstairs, not even noticing that his parents seemed to be frozen in their place, staring intently at Damian. Your son stared back for a few seconds, wondering what got into them, before following Jon up.

There was a few moments of silence, before Clark turned to his wife and said :

“Did he just…Was he just being…”

“Weirdly polite and considerate ?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah. Must be (Y/N)’s doing.”

“Must be.”

They both looked towards the stairs where their son and Damian disappeared just a few seconds before, and looked at each other again.

Damian was always more polite and nice when you were around. It seemed like you had this positive effect on your family, managing to get the best out of your children, out of Bruce.

Around you, they always were more relaxed and happy, which made them act in a nicer way. Not because they were afraid of you and your wrath (well, maybe that a little, and it was well known that you highly disliked impolite people), but because you just had that soothing effect on them.

They just felt better when around you, which made them behave in a lighter, more optimistic way. To be honest, most of the time, you didn’t even make them behave in a nicer way on purpose, they just…became softer when you were around.

Clark always saw a clear shift in Bruce’s mood, when he was out on long missions for the Justice League and wasn’t able to see you for days, even weeks at a time. It always made him more…More like when he first met Clark and you weren’t in the picture yet.

He was moodier, less patient, more snappy and violent.

More than once Clark asked “how is (Y/N) doing ?” to Bruce when the man was being particularly annoying and harsh, just so that he would lift up his mood (and by extension, get off his back a little).

Bruce, as Batman or not, would always have a fond expression on his face, even a quick dumb smile before getting his emotions back in check, at the mere mention of you.

The members of the Justice League often used your name to defuze delicate situation with the Batman. He could get so severe and unforgiving, they were very thanksful for your existence and the way you seemed to, even when you weren’t there, make him soften up. Make him more human, or rather, allowing this human side of him to surface without him wanting to immediately suppress his feelings so he would never get hurt again.

Now of course he was still very much the intimidating and stoic Batman wether you were around or not, but he just had moments of...”weakness” (or strength, really), where his expression softened, and he let go of certain things he would usually not let go of.

He’d still stare dagger into anyone mentioning that fact though.

And this sort of soothing effect you had ? It worked on all your children too.

Dick got down from irattional anger more than once because someone said something like “what would your mom think of you right now ?”.

Jason stopped killing because he saw how much it hurt you, and finally came to understand his father’s point of view thanks to you.

Tim would get out of his « focused » mode (the moments when he was so into something that he didn’t hear anything around him, and would forget to eat and sleep) if he heard your name, and talking about you and your worries for him would always be a sure way to get him to bed.

Cassandra was less afraid to talk and show her emotions, when you were there. She felt safe and warm and minded less to show her true self.

And Damian…Well Damian was overall just more agreable and polite when you were around. Because you made him want to be a better person. He wanted to show you he wasn’t the boy the Al’Ghuls raised, but your boy.

One that was compassionate and that cared about others.

So yeah, he would be nicer when you were around. He was nicer overall, of course, compared to when he first came in your life…But he was also his father’s son, which meant that sometimes, he’d get arrogant, patronizing even.

But oh well, you never wanted to change him per se, you just wanted to make him feel loved and safe. It was a bonus really, that thanks to that Damian showed his true color.

He was never a ruthless warrior who killed without regret, and who wanted power. He was actually a very sensitive boy…but that of course, was a little secret between you, him, his siblings, father and Alfred.

He couldn’t risk others to think he was a total softie, which is why sometimes he could be a bit…well, smug and annoying, really.

Even with you, to be honest. There were times he thought he knew everything better than everyone else and drove you completely crazy. But he couldn’t be perfect. He was still a human. Of course sometimes he’d get on your nerve, especially as he was entering his teen years…

In any case, your presence made him want to be better, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t sometimes act all smug and all (he was his father’s son after all...Plus, you too could be highly sarcastic, petty and cynical, not letting anyone walk on your feet, and a bit too brutally honest at times).

And with the Kents ? Especially with Clark and Jon (he always seemed to be a bit softer with Lois, and she was pretty sure it was because she somehow reminded him of you), he could be a little asshole. And he most definitely never cared about wether Jon was doing his homework or not.

If he wanted to see him, then he’d just invite himself in the house without worries of inconveniencing them.

So for Damian to act like he just did, unsure and worried he would bother them, both Lois and Clark were pretty sure you must have scolded him for some reasons…But oh, they were actually rather far from the truth.

************

“Are you okay Damian ?”

“Huh ?”

Damian turned to Clark and looked at him blankly for a few seconds. They were around the kitchen table, eating dessert, and the boy was clearly someplace else, lost in his thoughts. Damian answered :

“Yes, the pie is very good. Good job, Mrs. Kent.”

Ok. Definitely not the answer Clark and his family were expecting. It was clear that Damian didn’t hear a word of what Superman said, and just answered automatically to a question the man often asked him when it was dessert time.

“Um, Damian ?”

The boy looked up at Clark with a questioning look in his eyes, before the man continued :

“Are you okay ?”

There was a few more seconds of silence, where it seemed like Damian was pondering his answer, before he finally said :

“...Yes ?”

Which definitely didn’t sound convincing. And did not sound like something Damian would say. The boy was always so sure of himself...Lois exchanged a look with her husband and son, and they all stared at him. He didn’t even seem to really notice it, as he was once more deep in his thoughts.

It wasn’t like Damian Wayne, to be daydreaming that much and answering questions half-heartedly like that. If a question annoyed him, he’d just get very snarky and be done with it. But here ? Right now ? He suddenly seemed like a little kid who lost his parents in a crowded mall.

He was looking right through them, and a strange lingering sadness fell heavy in his eyes...Clark asked, once again :

“Are you sure you’re okay, chum ?”

The question seemed to surprise Damian, and he turned back to Clark. He just stared at the man for a little while, before answering in a low voice, almost a whisper :

“I-I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know ?”

“I-I came here hoping it would take my mind off of something. Playing video games with Jon usually makes me forget some of my worries. But-But it’s not working today.”

Touched by the fact that Damian came to his house when he felt a bit overwhelmed, Clark answered, his voice soft and reassuring :

“What is the matter, champ ?”

There was yet another silent. Damian was staring at his pie, refusing to raise his eyes because...Oh God. Clark, Lois and Jon quickly realized why Damian was averting their gaze, and they had no idea how to react to that.

He was crying.

Damian was crying.

His tears falling heavily on his piece of apple pie. Out of reflex, Clark reached for his shoulder and...And something very unexpected happened. It kind of freaked the mighty Superman out.

Damian jumped out of his chair and into Clark’s arms, burying his face in his shirt and sobbing slowly. What the hell happened, to put him in such a state ? Even during very difficult time, Clark never saw the boy shed a tear. Never.

“My-I think my-I...My parents, I think they’re going to divorce !”

He managed to finally say in between hiccups, and suddenly everything made sense to Clark and his family.

Divorce ? You and Bruce ? How was it even possible ? Clark never saw anyone as deep in love as you two were...What happened ?

************

The night before, Damian couldn’t sleep and whenever this happened, he would walk around the Manor until he would get tired. He would usually avoid going anywhere near his parents’ bedroom, for obvious reasons...But he was getting very sleepy and didn’t even realize his feet were directing him towards there.

Once he realized, he made a face and was about to quickly turn around before hearing anything that would make him want to vomit...When he heard his mom yell angrily, which was definitely not a sound he was used to hear coming from this room.

“Curiosity killed the cat”, the saying went. And Damian would soon realize that he would have rather not being so curious that day...

“How could you do this to me Bruce ?!”

He heard you yell, and you sounded so mad...Damian’s heart skipped a beat. What did his father do ?

“Come on (Y/N), you’re being unreasonable !”

“I am not ! You’re just being such a jerk, why ? Why did you do this ?”

What did his father do ?! Damian, ear against their bedroom door, was listening intently, his heart beating faster than ever. He never heard his parents fight, genuinely fight ! He saw them argue a few times, but they never yelled at each others like that !

This had to be serious.

“I had to (Y/N), and you know it !”

“You had to ? Does...Does any of this even matter to you, Bruce ? Do I matter to you ?”

“You know you do !”

“Then why did you betray me like that ? Why ?”

“Because that was my only option !”

“No it wasn’t ! You could’ve...you could’ve...You know what ? I’ve had enough !”

“You’ve had enough ?”

Damian’s mind was running a hundred miles per hour, trying to figure out what his father could have done to anger you so much ! It must have been something terrible ! And the tone his father used when he said “you’ve had enough ?”, it sounded like he was almost desperate...

“Yes. This is the straw that broke the camel. I’m done. I’m so done.”

“What do you mean ? You can’t be done we-”

“Yes I can. And I am. You know what Bruce ? I always knew you’d break my heart one day. I just...”

Damian’s heart stopped. What was happening ?

“I just never thought it would be in such a way.”

“(Y/N) I-”

“I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. Any more of your lies. You said you would never do this, and yet...Yet here we are.”

“I’m really-”

“I said I didn’t want to hear you anymore. You went too far. You know you went too far. And I can’t find the strength in me to forgive you this time...I just can’t...”

“So what ? You’re just gonna leave then ? Give up ?”

“Yes Bruce. Yes. Exactly. That’s what I’m going to do. I gave you so many chances Bruce, so many. But you just never change, do you ? I hoped...I hoped I could convince you to...I...I was wrong.”

“Clearly.”

No ! No what was his dad doing ?! Damian wanted to burst into the room and yell that whatever Bruce did, he should apologies again and again, until you’d believe him. Why would he take such a cold tone now ? Why would he...Why ?!

Oh but Damian knew his dad better than a lot of people. He knew that when cornered, his father could swallow up all his emotions and become a machine. He knew that if pushed far enough, his father would push back with triple the force. And so when Damian heard the coldness in his father’s voice, he understood that this was it.

“I can’t believe I trusted you.”

“It’s not my fault you were so naive. You can only be mad at yourself, (Y/N).”

“How dare you say that to me ?! When I always supported you in everything you did ?!”

“What do you want me to say, (Y/N) ?! You don’t want to hear my apologies, you don’t want to hear the truth, you-”

“The truth ? THE TRUTH ?! YOU MEAN THAT YOU’RE A TRAITOR THAT HOLDS NOTHING SACRED ?! NOT EVEN YOUR WIFE’S TRUST ?!”

This was getting so out of hand. What did his father do ? What did his father do ?! Damian’s heart couldn’t stop from beating hard. What should he do ? Should he intervene ? But he never had the time to...

He had no idea what happened in there, but after a short silence, your voice raised again saying, lower than before, and clearly saddened :

“So that’s it huh ? That’s all you have to say then ?”

“Yes. You won’t listen to me anyway, no matter what. You’re done ? When I’m done too. I did what I had to. I’m sorry you got hurt in the process, but that needed to be done.”

Another silence. A heavy one. A silence so deep that all Damian could hear was his rapid beating heart. When finally, you talked again :

“Ok. So that’s how it is. Those are your last words ?”

“Yes.”

“Ok then...Well, I want a divorce if that’s how it’s going to be !”

Damian’s blood froze in his veins, as he heard those words coming out of his parents’ room.

Wh…What ?

A divorce ? No. No this couldn’t be ! What was going to happen to the family, if you divorced ? And what did his father do to make you want to divorce ? It seemed like it was only the day before that he saw you two be grossly in love...And it was the day before !

What happened ? Or maybe...Maybe it was all just a facade ?

Damian remembers reading somewhere that a lot of couples that want to divorce stay together just for the kids. Even if they can’t stand each others anymore, they won’t split up so they can raise their children in a “normal” household.

And that definitely sounds like something you two would do, if you fell out of love or something...Damian always thought you loved each others deeply, and that it would never end, but what if it did ? What if the love you both had for your children was the only thing holding you two together ?

And what if whatever his father did, finally broke this bond ? Finally made you want to truly leave ?

Divorce.

The word sounded awful in his mind. And he felt like he was about to cry...What would happen, if you divorced ? With whom would he live ? He didn’t want to see less of you or of his father because you two weren’t together anymore !

Divorce. No. This wasn’t possible...And yet. Yet as Damian heard your footstep go to the bedroom door, he had to face the truth.

Your son quickly hid in the shadows of the corridor so you wouldn’t see him as you exited the bedroom, as he was pretty sure he wasn't ready to face you just yet, after learning such an awful news...

You stopped at the door frame and turned around, saying :

“I’m going to sleep in one of the guest room. The further from you I can.”

“Fine.”

And on that note, you slammed the door shut and walked, without looking back, towards the East wing of the Manor. Indeed, the opposite of where your room was...

When you slammed the door, it didn’t shut off properly as it bounced on the frame, and so the door was still slightly opened. Damian peaked in, and what he saw convinced him that you and his father were truly going to divorce.

Bruce was sitting on the bed, facing the wall so that Damian could see his face. And he looked...broken. Sad. So sad.

It could only mean one thing. If you did divorce, it wouldn’t be Bruce’s choice but yours. Which meant...You finally gave up.

Damian had no idea what his father did, but he knew that he already hurt you many times. When he used to have his “dark days”. When he was unfairly harsh at times, too deep into his Batman persona. When...When...

Bruce wasn’t always easy and sweet on you. He could be a very difficult man to live with. But Damian always thought you could handle it, after all, you did for so many years...But he guessed that even the best snapped.

Divorce.

Damian hated that word.

************

After witnessing you and Bruce fight, Damian definitely couldn’t fall asleep anymore. He couldn’t go to you, or to his father for comfort of course...so he went to the next best thing, his sibling.

He went to his sister first.

Cass opened her eyes groggily, and was met with a distressed Damian...Which instantly awoken her. She sat up in bed and said, tensed :

“Damian, problem ?”

But Damian wouldn’t tell her yet. He guided her through the Manor, and to Tim’s room before waking him up too (way more aggressively than how he woke Cass up).

“Ah oh no I didn’t ask for licorice ice cream ! Please spare me !”

Tim yelled, jumping out of his bed in a panic. For a few seconds, Damian forgot the awful thing he just witnessed to judge the hell out of his brother...But just for a few mere seconds, before his sadness crept once again in his bones.

“What’s happening ? What is it ? Are we under attack ?!”

Tim continued, rubbing his eyes and looking around the room haphazardly, grabbing his blanket as a “weapon”. Until he finally noticed Damian and Cassandra. He was about to get mad when he spotted his little brother’s expression. The hell happened, why did he look so heartbroken ?!

An ancient “older bro” instinct grabbed his soul, and he grabbed Damian by the shoulders, looked at him right in the eye and asked :

“What’s the matter Dam’ ?”

************

“Don’t be ridiculous Damian, mom and dad would NEVER divorce, they’re much too in love for that !”

Tim said, wide awake now. Yes. This was just ridiculous. Everyone could see how in love his parents were. They always rubbed in in everyone’s nose, wether intentionally or not.

“Well I thought so too ! But then I heard them arguing, father said that mom was being unreasonable, and mom said that she wasn’t, and talked about wanting a divorce !”

“You actually heard her say that ? Are you sure you didn’t just have a nightmare ? I get super vivid one sometimes too, especially about our family breaking up into pieces...”

“No Tim ! It wasn’t a nightmare ! It was real ! A real nightmare !”

“So it was a nightmare ?”

Cassandra rolled her eyes and said :

“Not nightmare. But looks like nightmare, if really real.”

“Oh...”

It baffled Cass, that Tim could be the smartest of them all, and sometimes the most dense one. The girl turned to her little brother, and asked :

“What happened ? From beginning to end ?”

And so Damian said the entire story, of how he surprised their parents’ fight. When Tim still looked unconvinced, he dragged him all the way to the guest room you were deeply asleep in and...

Faced with the reality of what was happening, Tim almost had a full on panic attack there and there.

No. No no no. His parents couldn’t divorce ! With whom would he live ? ...No, he couldn’t even think about having to chose ! No. No this couldn’t happen.

Tim, when he was very young, already witnessed his biological parents’ divorce and...it was so destructive ! It ruined his chance to ever have a normal home ! Tim always been convinced that his biological parents’ divorce is what lead them to take all their bad decisions, what made them so bitter and dangerous, and what ultimately killed them.

Because they didn’t have that “other half” to rely on...And Tim was sure of all this, after he witnessed his “new” mom and dad being so damn in love with each others. Supporting each others every day, and helped each other walk on the path of life.

Without you, Bruce was but a shadow of himself. And vice versa. So how could this be possible ?! Tim refused to believe it. He simply refused to.

And yet, here, faced with you sleeping in the guest room, he had to admit the truth. You never slept elsewhere than in your shared bedroom. Never. Because neither you nor Bruce could sleep if the other one wasn’t there (you always repeated that to your children, kind of grossing them out at times).

You needed to feel each others’ warmth to sleep and yet...yet here you were, deeply asleep in the guest room. Did that mean you didn’t love their dad anymore ? And that Damian was right, you two were really going to get a divorce ?

Breathing heavily, Tim fell back first against the wall. His brother and sister rushed to him, mimicking what they saw you do with him whenever he had a panic attack.

Helping him find a regular way to breathe again...But the more Tim thought about it, the more he panicked. Who was going to soothe him if you and Bruce divorced ? If you weren’t there anymore ? But would he stay with his dad ? What if he went with you ? No, Tim couldn’t quite ever forgive him if he left his father alone, as Bruce was more prompt to fall into darkness than you were...but then, who would soothe him during his panic attack ?!

Cassandra laid her hand on her brother’s forehead, and breathed heavily. Slowly, Tim followed her breathing and calmed down. But he couldn’t move quite yet, so Cass sat next to him, and Damian sat on his other side.

“What are we going to do ?”

Damian asked, voice broken, tears slowly welling up in his eyes. Tim, still a bit winded, didn’t think twice before putting an arm around his little brother’s shoulders, and everyone knew this was a desperate situation when Damian curled up against him, as both of them were rarely affectionate.

“Don’t know.”

Cassandra said, curling up on Tim’s other side.

“What are we going to become ?”

“Don’t know.”

“Is it our fault ? I read somewhere that 60% of divorce happened because of the kids.”

“I read somewhere that 70% of couples stayed together because of the kids.”

“So either way, they’re unhappy because of us ?”

“Maybe.”

Your three youngest children, curled up against each other in the dark corridor, didn’t manage to reassure each other this time. They usually always were able to...but this time, they got even more depressed.

Divorce.

What was going to happen, if you really got a divorce ?

Cass raised her eyes towards the door of the room in which you slept peacefully. Much too peacefully to her taste...You always said you couldn’t sleep, if Bruce wasn’t there. And he always said he couldn’t sleep properly without you. So why were you sleeping so deeply ?

There was only one explanation to that. You fell out of love with him. Or something of the like.

And the word “divorce” suddenly became very real.

************

The next day, they found their father sitting alone at the breakfast table. When they came in the room, he left hurriedly, and went down the Batcave...this early ? This was odd.

Damian decided to leave for the Kents’ household, in the hope that it would take his mind off of things...But it didn’t work.

Instead, he found himself crying in Superman’s arms, about how his parents were going to divorce. And when he told the entire story to Clark, Lois and Jon ? Their faces said it all.

It definitely didn't look good.

Clark thought that if it was any other people, then it wouldn’t be so bad. Sometimes, your words could go further than what you really thought, you know ? Especially when angry.

Only Clark knew you. Both of you. Very well. And he knew it was neither of your style to get that worked up over nothing, and it was most definitely not your thing to threaten to divorce lightly.

And so, as Damian cried, all Clark could do was try to comfort him, knowing that if you and Bruce were really getting a divorce, that poor little boy would forever be heartbroken...

************

Damian came home a few hours after going to the Kents, heart even more shattered than before, as he didn’t find the solace he was looking for in his friend.

On the contrary, he only found pity, which was the worst thing possible right now...

When he came back to the manor, Cass and Tim were still there.

But this time, Jason and Dick joined as well. Cass and Tim called them, in the hope that they would have some sort of idea of how to fix things.

************

Neither Jason nor Dick had any idea how to fix things.

They couldn’t quite believe their ears, when their little siblings told them about the fight their parents were in.

“Well, couple fight all the time right ?”

Dick tried to say, hoping to find a positive light to put things in.

“Not like that. And not our parents.”

“I’ve seen them fight often.”

“But it wouldn’t last long. While it has already been a night and half a day right now !”

Damian said, anxious. The fact that he was counting down the hours since he last saw his mom and dad together was saying something.

“But lately they haven’t had time to see each other often right ? They were very busy ? Maybe that’s why they fought ? Cause they missed each other and were frustrated that they couldn’t see each other ?”

Dick tried, but instantly regretted it as he saw a look of horror in his little brother’s eyes because...Oh but yes. Yes, Dick understood instantly what Damian, and all his siblings, were slowly understanding.

They were putting two and two together. You and Bruce hadn’t seen much of each other lately, while you always made sure to spend time together...That could only mean that...that...

That morning, you were nowhere to be seen, and Alfred said that you apparently went out early. You ? Out ? Early ? Without saying bye to your kids ? Or to Bruce ? Yeah. There definitely was a problem.

Dick didn’t really know what else to say, to try and rationalize what Damian just told them. Because the kid seemed so serious and heartbroken, he couldn’t make it up !

Besides, what kind of sick joke would that be ? No. Neither him, nor Tim or Cass were that good of actors. They all seemed devastated. They were clearly not lying.

And Dick had no idea how to deal with the news. No funny jokes came to his mind, no way of lightening up the atmosphere. Instead, a big ugly anger started to rise within him...because how could you guys do this to them ?

Dick, when angry, lost all sense of what was rational and what wasn’t. And as he was trying to keep his fury in check, so that he wouldn’t make it worst for his precious siblings, he couldn't help but indeed forget the rational part of his mind...and forget about how this split up would hurt you and Bruce a lot too. All he could think about, was him, his brothers and sister, and how this would forever break their family !

And it made him so...so angry !

Jason hadn’t said a thing yet, lost in his thoughts. So..what, that was it ? His parents were going to divorce ? Just like that ?

The role model, the relationship goals he set for himself would just like, vanish in the air ? Years of wanting something just like his parents had would shatter ?

Did real love not exist ? According to what Damian said, you have had “enough”...but weren’t you suppose to be THE person who could deal the best with Bruce’s shit ? If even you gave up on him...Then who would ever take their chances on someone like Jason ?

Jason had no illusion about who he was; He knew he was a difficult man to live with too, but he always found hope, solace, in the fact that even a VERY difficult man like his father found love.

True love.

And now...now they were getting a divorce ?!

What could he believe in anymore ? If even the greatest couple he ever saw was breaking-up ?! Jason couldn’t let that happen :

“Well, it’s not by staying there and lament our loss that anything will get fixed. Do you guys know where dad and mom are ?”

“I think dad left an hour ago for the Justice League’s watchtower. And we haven’t seen mom since this morning...”

“Ok...Ok well let’s go up then !”

“Up ?”

“Yeah, let’s go to the watchtower. Talk to dad. Find out what he did, and try to find a solution to make mom forgive him.”

“Jason, she really sounded mad. And like it was the last straw. She slept in the guest room without problem !”

“So ?”

“So she...she might...not...want to be with him any-”

“Shush. We don’t truly know what happened. I admit it’s odd they slept in different rooms, and that it sounded like a really bad fight. But maybe there’s a way we can still salvage their marriage ?”

None of his siblings looked convinced, but Jason wasn’t about to give up on his ideal of love. And so he dragged them to the zeta tube that would take them to the Justice League’s headquarter.

************

As soon as they arrived, Jason’s convictions faltered.

Because their dad wasn’t working at a computer, or doing anything...instead, he was eating ice cream at the kitchen table, looking like a sad puppy.

Could it be that...Could it be that their mom really got enough of him, and was truly the one that was leaving ? What if when she left this morning, she decided she would never come back ?!

This would be the end of their family. And their balance could be so fragile...Without you, or Bruce, who were the center pillars of it all, everything would shatter.

Before your children could go to Bruce though, Clark reached him. He too, just came through a zeta tube, and he immediately spotted his gloomy friend.

After hearing about everything from Damian, he had to go and try to lighten his friend’s mood...

“Hey Batman.”

Bruce didn’t answer, not even looking up, continuing to eat his ice cream. When was the last time Clark saw Bruce eat something sugary like that ? Oh, right. Long ago. When you broke up for a short while, when Dick was still really young...Oh. Wow. Well this couldn’t be good.

“Are you okay ?”

“Oh yeah. I’m great. I’m a big happy ray of sunshine.”

Ooook. Sarcasm. That was...good, right ?

“Listen, Bruce, I-”

“Clark, I’m really not in the mood. Leave me alone please.”

Wow, this was serious. He didn’t even budge when Clark used his real name instead of “Batman”, and he just called him “Clark” too. This had to be serious.

Superman raised his head, and saw your children looking at them from afar. He smiled sympathetically to them, and turned back to Bruce, not ready to give up just yet.

“Bruce, you know you can talk to me right ?”

Batman glared at Clark, and Superman got the shiver...wow, if a look could kill right ? But behind the annoyance in Bruce’s eyes, there was something else. And Clark was pretty sure it was sadness. So he persisted :

“Listen, Damian told me what happened so-”

“What happened ?”

Bruce had suddenly straighten back up, and looked at Clark suspiciously. So Clark continued :

“Yes, yesterday night.”

It was the first time in his entire life that Clark witnessed Bruce lose complete control of his emotions like that. The Bat’s face fell, and he averted his friend’s gaze before saying :

“Ah. So you know.”

This made Clark utterly sad. This confirmed that something indeed happened, and given Bruce’s reaction, it must have been bad...

“Clark, I swear I didn’t mean to. But she forced me to...I didn’t...”

What happened ? Did Bruce cheat on you ? But this didn’t sound like a thing he would ever do...But what he said just now made it sound like...And now that he was thinking about it, and according to what Damian said you two argued about, the way Bruce betrayed you...

Maybe ? Maybe Bruce did go too far ? Clark could imagine him cheating on you in only one way. If it was for a mission. If he “had” to to get intels. And even then, it really didn’t sound like him. But given the nature of the argument, and what he just said...

Maybe Bruce did really cheat on you. Even if he didn’t want to. And that would definitely be the last straw for you, the last time Bruce put his “mission” before you and his family.

But wasn't this all “Dark Bruce who thinks his mission is more important than his family” a thing of the past ? Didn’t you already got into a big argument about it long ago ?

“What happened, Bruce ?”

But Bruce never had the chance to answer, as the zeta tube near your children started and...you appeared.

You seemed completely surprised to be face with all your kids, and started to smile at them but...but then you saw Bruce, sitting not far away, and you frowned, looking elsewhere.

Something was most definitely up. Neither your kids nor Clark ever saw you two act this way...Or rather, they did saw you do that before, childishly not talk to each other after a stupid fight, only, the fight you had the day before wasn’t “stupid”. And you seemed more serious about it all than usually.

Clark was about to try and pressure Bruce more so he would talk, when Jason exploded. He couldn’t keep it in anymore. He just couldn’t.

His dream of having a perfect relationship like his parents one day went up in flame, and the salvation he found in his family was threatening to break.

If his parents divorced, Jason just knew his family would never be the same again. That they would all go their own way. That...That...He couldn’t handle it. And so he exclaimed :

“What the hell is up with you two ?!”

This made you jump in the air, as you weren’t expecting such an outburst from Jason, and surprised Bruce too, who was already ready to ignore you and go back to his ice cream.

You both stared at Jason for a few moments, when you finally said :

“What ?”

“Between you and dad. What’s up ? You’ve been acting weird since this morning, and yesterday you slept in different rooms ! And apparently you rarely saw each others lately ! So what is happening ?!”

“We were just...rather busy lately. As for yesterday we-”

“Don’t lie to us mom ! Tell us the truth ! No bullshit about being busy or whatever, tell us what is really up ! And why you’re divorcing !”

You blinked once. Twice. And...You turn to Bruce. He looks back at you, and you can see he’s as lost as you are. You say :

“Divorce ? Who talked about divorce ?”

Damian comes forth and yells :

“You, you did ! I heard you in your room. I didn’t mean to eveasdrop I promise, it was an accident. But I heard everything. And you’ve been acting so weird lately…You didn’t even kiss father in front of us in days ! You were so distant lately ! And yesterday you slept in different bedrooms ! And you fought ! You said Father betrayed you like never before, and that you wanted a divorce ! And this morning you left without a kiss for him or us, and when you came up here you...you were about to ignore him ! It was clear ! And you glared at him ! And father is eating ice cream ! He only does that when he’s sad !”

Your children were now staring at all of you, and you could see on their faces that they were downright panicking. And sad. Utterly sad. And that’s when you realized that, this time...you might have went a little bit too far.

To your defense, you had no idea Damian heard you and Bruce fight. Or you would have instantly went to him. You give him a guilt ridden smile and...

Damian is sure of it. You really are going to divorce. If not, why would you look at him like that. Why would you look to apologetic ? It was clear that you didn’t expect any of them to find out like that, maybe you and Bruce were preparing a big announcement, which is why you slowly-

“Your father and I are not going to divorce.”

Your voice cut right through Damian’s thoughts, stopping them right in their tracks. He looks up at you and...he’s completely lost. What was happening ?

You looked at Bruce, who was slowly walking towards you, and then you turned back to your children :

“I’m um...sorry you misunderstood me.”

“What is there to misunderstand mom ? You said you wanted a divorce. Don’t lie to us please, if you are getting one please tell us.”

“I’m not lying Jason. Let me explain...First of all, we were really truly busy lately, and genuinely didn’t have time to see each others. Believe me, it was hard for both of us. Which is also probably why what happened yesterday was so...virulent. And oh my god I think you will all be very cross with us once you’ll find out the truth. Very cross with me. Um...uh...”

But you weren’t saying anything. Why weren’t you saying anything ? Between you and Bruce, you were always the one that was able to express things the best to your children. So to see you speechless was worrying...Were you thinking of a way to explain that you and Bruce will stay together, not get a divorce, but simply didn’t love each other anymore ?

Dick could only think of that, as he saw you struggle to find your words. Because if it wasn’t something important, then you wouldn’t find it that hard to say something. He never saw you having that much trouble to say something. This must mean that things were bad between you and Bruce...

Their father was next to you now, looking at you struggle, when he finally helped you out :

“Your mother was mad because she lost seven times in a row at Uno.”

Silence.

None of your children move, and it seems that they all forgot how to breathe.

Clark, who is also next to all of you (for support), feels like his brain just turned off.

Wh-What ?

Silence.

No one moves, nor speak.

What did Bruce just say ?

Silence. Stretching.

Minutes pass. And no one speaks. Nor move.

Silence...Heavy, endless.

It feels like years went by, when :

“What ?”

Tim finally asks, utterly confused, breaking this odd haze that engulfed all of you for a few minutes, as everyone was trying to wrap their brains around what Bruce just said.

“Your mother was mad at me because she lost seven times at Uno.”

“Yeah ok they got it Bruce, you don’t need to repeat how many times I lost !”

“Just get over it (Y/N) ok ? It’s just a game !”

“Oh ! So it’s conveniently just a game when YOU win huh ? But when I do, then we should have another game !”

“Oh my God we’re not going to talk more about all that are we ?!”

“Well you know what ? Yes we are ! We are ! Because that was the greatest treason of them all !”

“(Y/N), you’re being ridiculous again, and-”

“YOU PROMISED NOT TO USE YOUR +4 CARDS AND YOU DID ! Worst, you had two of them ! And then you had a reverse card, and then a +2 yellow, and then...You didn’t even give me a chance ! While you said you would !”

“You were always wining at that game, I had to win at least once !”

“Oh, so then you proceeded to win SEVEN TIMES IN A ROW with low blow like those huh ? It was sheer dumb luck.”

“Oh so when I win it’s dumb luck, but when the great (Y/N) Wayne wins it’s strategy ?!”

“I won’t be called (Y/N) Wayne for long if you keep going on like this, you-”

“STOP !”

Damian’s scream stopped you and Bruce right in your track, and made you turn to them. Somehow, as you both got fired up about a stupid Uno game, you completely forgot how serious the entire situation was.

All of a sudden, you’re reminded of it, as your children stare at you, disbelief in their eyes.

“You guys were...you guys were fighting that bad about a game of Uno ?”

You and Bruce exchange an ashamed look, and your husband says in a weak voice :

“Not any game of Uno. The ultimate game to decide all game. If I won that last one, it meant I would win forever as we would stop playing Uno and move to another game, and your mother is a sore looser.”

You don’t even glare at him as he says that, aware that this all situation goes beyond your stupid competitions. But you nonetheless store it in your mind, next time you win at a board game against him, then you’ll throw it back in his face for sure !

“Why would you stop pla...wh...HUH ?!”

Tim was understandably confused. Of course all this would only makes sense to you and Bruce. It was an old tradition between you two, whenever you both couldn’t sleep and were yet too exhausted to make love, you’d play a bored game. Something easy that didn’t require too much brain power.

It would usually tire you out to the end, and you’d fall asleep playing...however, both you and Bruce could get highly competitive, and more than once you spend entire nights playing and ended up fighting like children.

Only this always happened very VERY late at night, and rather rarely still, so of course no one witnessed such fights, were you both would blow everything out of proportion (to be honest, it was also kind of part of the game...you both knew you were being ridiculous and extreme, this was part of the fun ! “The make-up sex was always brilliant”. Sometimes, you two had a funny idea of romantic).

But of course, that, your kids didn’t know. And of course, when Damian heard you yesterday...OF COURSE he would fall on one of your worst fight, as Bruce really DESTROYED you at Uno (sheer dumb luck!).

You admit you might have gone a bit overboard. But it was because this was suppose to be your last few games of Uno before you’d move on to the next board game ! Of course it would infuriate you that you’d lost all of them ! Even more so since Bruce totally did some jerk moves !

Damian looked at both of you, and all the emotions you read in his eyes made you feel even guiltier. Poor little one, you made him go through so much with your silliness...

“But father looked so sad when you went to sleep in one of the guest room...”

He says, and you can’t help but say :

“Ah yes, well your father always gets sad when we don’t sleep in the same bed, cause he’s like an attention starved puppy and he-”

“Oh my God stop !”

Dick yells, and he’s clearly FURIOUS.

“Can’t you see how serious all of this is ? Damian, Tim and Cass have been thinking that you two were going to divorce since last night ?! Do you have any idea how hard this thing has been for them ?! Why would you two put yourself in such a state after playing a damn game of Uno ?! This makes NO SENSE ! You’re ADULTS, why are you like this ?!”

He rambled for a few more minutes, scolding both you and Bruce about how dumb it was that you’d fight that bad because of this, and you and your husband slowly realized how indeed serious this all was.

Granted, they could have just come and talk to you, and things would have been cleared up but...no. This was you and Bruce trying to find excuses for yourselves. For acting like petty children.

Because of course, in your children’s eyes it would seem like a serious real fight. After all, you rarely yelled at each others like that. And yes, you did really get carried away by saying you wanted a divorce, and by going to sleep in another room but...the bastard put a +4 cards while he promised he wouldn’t !

However, this time all thoughts of this stupid game left your mind (every game you lost was “stupid”, every game you won was “awesome”), as you listened to your son yell at you and Bruce.

When Dick finally ran out of breath, he fell in a nearby chair and grumbled some more about how ridiculous this all was, but he was also clearly relieved.

His family wouldn’t break.

The divorce was a false alarm. Ugh. Sometimes, he forgot that you and Bruce could be extremely petty and childish. Because you were always there, supporting your kids, and seeming so strong...That he forgot that you were also just humans, and had big flaws too.

Especially when it came to you. He tended to forget your bad sides more than his father’s. After all, Bruce had some pretty obvious flaws. But you ? You were good at hiding them. It was easy to forget how extreme you could be about some things !

Out of breath after yelling so much, Dick just sat there for a bit, beyond relieved even if he was still mad.

Cass called you both “morons”, which really meant a lot. She was definitely on the same level of anger than Dick was, as she would have never called you that if it wasn’t the case.

She left the Watchtower hurriedly, and you made a mental note that you and Bruce needed to go see her when you’d get home, and apologies deeply. You hadn’t realized that such a silly thing could be so devastating to your children...

But if they genuinely thought you two were going to divorce, then you could totally understand them.

Tim went to sit next to Dick, unable to say anything. He wasn’t mad, he was more...utterly stunned by how childish the mighty Batman and his wife could be. This would definitely require a long time to get over.

But he was most definitely the smartest of them all, as he made a mental note to use this entire event against you one day, if he did something that would get him scolded by both of you. Oh yes. “That time you made all of us think you were gonna divorce” would surely get him out of ANY trouble.

Damian stared at his parents for a bit, before screaming in rage, surprising everyone, and hitting his father in the guts to then proceed to hug you and him tightly.

Bruce didn’t even dare to say “why did you only hit me ?!” as he was trying to catch his breath after such a punch, and held his son too, trying to convey his apologies.

“My poor little baby...”

You whispered while soothingly running your fingers through your son’s hair, knowing that he always found the gesture calming. Your “poor little baby” was crying softly in your arms, the stress of those past long endless hours of thinking his family was going to break pouring out all at once.

When he finally calmed down, he tore away from you and said : “you guys are dumb !” before running through the same zeta tube Cassandra went in. You were pretty sure this two would sulk together, which was good...You didn’t particularly want any of them to be alone right now.

Clark knew you and Bruce couldn’t even think about actually divorcing. You two ? Well he knew it was true love. And though he definitely had his doubts as Damian told him some pretty bad things that happened the night before, and as he saw his friend sad and eating ice cream...Deep down, he knew it wasn’t possible.

Clark never saw two people as in love as you two were. Not even his love for Loisn which was deep and unconditional, could compare. He knew that. You and Bruce, it was truly meant to be, and it would just have broken his heart if you genuinely would have gotten a divorce !

He was so glad it wasn’t true. But was also utterly exasperated by the truth. Who the hell plays Uno in the middle of the night anyway ?! He walked away shaking his head, thinking that you and Bruce would never NEVER ceased to amaze him.

For better or for worse, really.

The last one to react was Jason. You and Bruce didn’t dare to leave and do what you had to do in the Watchtower, as you weren’t sure your son, the only one that didn’t react, was ok.

He just stared at you blankly for long minutes, and you were about to ask him if was alright when he suddenly bursted out laughing.

Which most definitely took you by surprise. Um...What ?

Jason was laughing out of relief. That the true love he imagined in his head was really existing, and that he could hope for it. But he was also laughing because all of this was just so ridiculous !

Him and his siblings had been worried sick, on the verge of breaking from the inside at the mere thought that their parents were going to divorce...And all along it was just them having a fight like five years old would ?

Oh that was just too damn funny ! And so he laughed. He laughed and laughed for a long time. When he finally calmed down, he said :

“Oh I swear. You guys are too much.”

You and Bruce weren’t sure how to take this, so you simply smiled at him. Jason, still chuckling a little bit asked :

“So hey, when I was a kid, and you said I had to go to bed and leave you cause you were going to play monopoly, and I was too young to play such a complicated game...You guys were truly playing monopoly then ?”

"Uh ? Oh. Monopoly. Yeah, no, we were having sex. Your mom hates monopoly.”

There’s a few seconds of silence, where Jason stares at you. Dick and Tim, who were still here, give you a “are you fucking kidding me look ?” and Bruce realizes maybe now wasn’t the time to tease them...But you can’t help but smile, and try to muffle your laugh as best you can in front of your sons’ horrified expression.

And of course, of course Bruce starts to laugh too. Now. IN the worst of moments...You two always laugh at the worst time possible ! Goddamnit ! Your kids were really going to get mad at you for a while, if you kept going like that ! And they would have every reason to !

Oh well, for now, you thought it was very funny, how they reacted to the discovery of the fact that “playing monopoly” meant you were having sex. You’d worry later about apologizing. After all, they were already super mad about this entire mess of an event.

Oh, miscommunication. It was quite a thing really. And as both Bruce and you tried to muffle your laugh, but not very successfully, it was clear that you had made up.

You hunched over your husband as your fit of laughter was playing around with your balance, and he caught you. And seeing both of you laughing together, and clearly as in love as ever reassured your sons for good.

But for good measure, they still left and yelled an angry :

“Ugh, you guys are the worst !”

As they exited the Watchtower, leaving you and Bruce giggling like teenagers.

Aaaah. Sometimes, rarely though, you two could be such children. And even if you’d take things MUCH TOO FAR, it was still always refreshing to see the both of you understand each other so fully...

Fin

__________________________________________________

I often talk about how petty and childish my main Batmom can be at times, but I never really wrote anything about it…well here we go. Like I said, there’s a reason why her and Bruce get along so well, they’re both so damn dramatic and reach such extremes at times XD. Anyway, hope you liked this ! (??) I wrote this very quickly, as usual with bonus stories. It was just a little bit of fun, a silly story not to be taken too seriously (she says, as to find an excuse as to why this is so shitty). As usual, feedbacks and reblogs are very welcomed <3.

By the way, this was loosely inspired of an ask I received from an anon’, but I didn’t put the ask at the beginning as I usually do because I didn’t want the “twist” to be spoiled.

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justjessame · 4 years

Text

The Deal Chapter One

The day after my dad returned from being “dead”, I was coming out of the forest with one of the few people in our survivors camp that I didn’t find myself screaming with annoyance at daily. Him, my little brother, and sometimes my stepmom. It was a weird day for all of us-not just the part about daddy returning or even the part about me being on a hunting trip-nah, the entire fucking world was upside down.

Here’s How the World Went to Shit by Jessica Grimes

My dad, Rick Grimes met my runaway mother in high school. During what would be the first of many “act before you think” moments, mommy dearest was knocked up with lil ole me. Now, I’m more than certain that if abortions had been easily obtained at that time, I’d have been on the receiving end of that early death. Dad wouldn’t hear of it. He and my grandma and granddaddy bribed the use of the womb in which I grew to birthing maturity in and once I pooped out into existence? That womb and the holy unprepared and unmaternal genetic markers that created me ran the fuck away. Her parents weren’t any more accepting of my appearance than she was, so my 16 year old Dad became both of my parents. Strange isn’t it? That a teenage boy had more maternal instincts than the chick I grew inside of.

Dad didn’t go far for college, but my grandparents wanted him to have a regular experience, so he commuted, then he visited a lot. First it was every weekend, then every single Sunday. Since he was still a teenager, it made sense, plus he never stopped being available for me. If I was sick, he was there. If I had a preschool concert, there he was in the front row. My dad is my hero, and he will be forever. When he met Lori in college, he made it plain who I was and how important I was to him. She took it in stride, and while I never called her “mom”, she became a good one. I was the practice she needed for when my baby brother was born when I was six years old. Carl made us a foursome, and we reveled in our family. Every single activity that first me, then Carl participated in, our parents were right there, front row. In fact, when I wanted to go to summer camp Lori and Dad tried to convince me otherwise. It was the one place they couldn’t visit daily. Luckily I won that round, because it would come in handy later.

By the time the shit started hitting the fan around the world, I was a freshman at Agnes Scott. While sitting in my creative writing class, I felt the coldest chill I ever had. My grandma would have called it “someone walking across my grave”. I left the class and walked over to the administration building. I told the secretary that I had to request some time off, and as I was handed the forms, my cell phone rang. Lori told me that Dad had been shot, he’d need surgery, and he was unconscious. I knew before she’d called that something bad had happened.

That’s why, when the world truly went to shit days later, I had a hard time believing Shane when he told us that Dad was dead. If my dad had died, I would know, but how do you convince your stepmother that you’d FEEL it? I also knew that my dad would be pissed if I didn’t follow Lori and keep Carl in my sights. Besides, everyone knew that any relationship I’d had with Shane had gone sour after I graduated, no one knew WHY, they just knew it did. Telling Lori, when she was clearly distressed about the reports of people being bitten and going crazy that I didn’t believe a word coming out of his monstrous head wouldn’t be taken seriously.

When I looked at Carl, I knew what I had to do. Keeping my baby brother safe, that was all my dad would want me to worry about, well keeping myself safe as well, of course. Sadly, my dad couldn’t imagine that keeping Carl safe, meant that I had to witness Lori fall under the spell of Shane.

It’s why, once we’d found the others and made the camp on the outskirts of the city beside the clearest quarry pool I’d ever seen, I had to find better sleeping arrangements. While Carl sleeps like the dead, I hear every bump and groan. Ignoring Shane and Lori banging beside or God-forbid inside the tent would be impossible. That’s how I came to know the Dixon brothers.

Merle wasn’t necessarily my cup of tea. Daryl, however, wasn’t nearly as horrifying. Once he learned of my proficiency with a bow, he was more than happy to show me how to help him hunt. He even started teaching me how to track. Of course, they both laughed themselves silly when Daryl attempted to show me how to use his crossbow and I gave myself a black eye. It was the two of them who realized that I’d started sleeping under the stars in my sleeping bag, because I was too selfless to ask Glenn to find me my own tent on one of his runs. Since they had their own spot away from the others with two tents, they offered me a spot inside one of them. A choice had to be made, and it wasn’t difficult, I started bunking with Daryl. I had a feeling if I chose Merle, he might get grabby hands inside that tent of his, and it might sour my friendship with Daryl if I crushed his brother’s balls.

Soon my days grew into a routine. I’d wake up in Daryl’s tent, we’d decide if it was a hunting day or foraging day, I’d drop off our laundry to the lady-folk, then go off to do whatever the chore was for that day, eat, bed, rinse, and repeat. It was an added bonus that Shane hated that I got out of the “lady” chores of laundry and dinner prep.

I’d keep my eye on Carl, feeling powerless at the hero worship I could see growing in him over Shane. I tried to teach him archery, but guns were more interesting to him. Shane carried a gun after all. I watched as Shane worked to take my dad’s place, and I wanted to vomit.

As I was preparing for another hunting trip with Daryl, one alone as Merle had chosen to go on a run with the others, Shane cornered me. “Jessica,” he said through gritted teeth. “You know your daddy wouldn’t want you keeping company with the likes of-”

I rolled my eyes and stopped him in his bullshit authority role. “I wouldn’t know that, Shane, since my daddy isn’t here, is he?” I glared up at him and crossed my arms over my chest. “If my daddy were here, I think he’d more than likely want me to be the most productive person I could be. Of course, he’d be VERY interested in how productive you and his WIFE are being.” With a parting shot that I hoped would scorch the earth beneath him, “Just be happy I didn’t tell Dad about your interest in me before I left for school.” I turned and ran to meet Daryl.

No one had witnessed that tense conversation. No one ever did. Shane was quite careful about that, about who could witness the true douche baggery that he was capable of wielding. Lucky me, I thought, witness to every bit of it. After saying goodbye to both of our brothers, and me stopping to hug Lori and promise her I’d be careful, off we went into the glorious silence of the forest.

We’d gone about a mile in before Daryl broke the silence. “Ya alright?” We kept moving and his voice was low enough to not scare any game we might come across.

I snorted lightly and kept my eyes peeled for any tracks or signs of bigger game than squirrels or rabbits. “Great, why do you ask?” I could hear the sarcasm dripping from the words, but I wasn’t feeling up to being sociable after dealing with Shane.

Daryl stopped and I followed suit. The man could scent an animal before anyone, so I thought that’s why we were at a standstill. Looking around I realized there wasn’t anything, other than a fallen tree and a cluster of wildflowers. “Stand down,” he chuckled, taking note of my bow at shooting level with an arrow notched. “We’re far enough from camp that ya can tell me what’s got that stick up your ass.”

I rolled my eyes and lowered my bow. He sat on the tree trunk and patted the place beside him. I sat and considered what he wanted to know. “Maybe I’m just becoming a product of the times.” I shrugged, and thought that the words weren’t lies. This world would change us all.

Daryl shook his head. “Naw, ya only get this uptight after talkin’ to Shane.”

Shit, I kept forgetting how observant the Dixons could be, the one beside me the most of the two. “You know me that well, huh?” He nodded. I watched the bees flit from wildflower to wildflower. “He insinuated that my dad wouldn’t approve of my friendship with you and Merle.” I kept my eyes on the bees.

“Shit, girl, that’s what the whole camp thinks.” He saw, but didn’t fully understand.

“My dad?” I started, needed to tell SOMEONE. “Shane told Lori, Carl, and me that he’s dead. I don’t believe it.” I turned to face him and realized he’d been watching me the entire time. “My dad’s in a coma. When he was shot, I felt it. Not the pain, but I KNEW something bad had happened.” I groaned and ran my hand across my face. “I’d know, Daryl, I’d FEEL it if my dad died.” I felt a tear of frustration roll down my cheek. “We left because Shane convinced Lori. I left because I know Dad would be pissed if I didn’t stay with Carl. He’s trapped back there, completely at the mercy of those undead dickheads, all because of Shane.”

Daryl swiped my tear away with his thumb. “That’s not the only reason ya don’t like him though, is it?”

I shook my head. “Shane’s not the hero everyone wants him to be.” That was all I was willing to say. “We should check those traps you laid last time.” I stood up and brushed off my jeans. Wiping my face clear of the angst that I let out, I started off toward where we had been heading to begin with.

TWO DAYS LATER

“Damn it, Daryl.” I groaned quietly. “That deer is fucking gone.”

He glared back at me and pointed down at the tracks he was following, and had been for MILES. “It ain’t gone, Jess.” His words came out through gritted teeth.

Guess our honeymoon phase was over, I nearly giggled at the thought. The only thing stopping the laughter was a pissed off redneck with a loaded crossbow. “Tree line’s thinning,” I offered quietly. I saw him nod. I was certain we were nearly back at camp. I truly hoped that damn deer was waiting for us.

Daryl crossed into the open first, me being several feet behind him. From his tone, I could tell that sunshine and daisies didn’t await us. I heard fussing and kicking, then I was briefly blinded by the full sunlight as I crossed over from the trees to the clearing.

“It’s gotta be the brain. Don’t y’all know nothing?” He was griping. “Lost the damn deer to this piece of shit, Jess. Can ya believe that?”

I shook my head, trying to blink out the bright light and let my eyes readjust. Then I was engulfed in familiar strong arms and I gasped. “Dad?” I asked, pulling back to look up at him. “Daddy?” I launched myself back against his chest, feeling all of my pent up fear and guilt surrounding his fate go.

“Jessi.” He sighed into my hair. “Oh, baby girl, I got so worried when I got here yesterday and you weren’t here.” He pulled back to run his hands over my sweaty face. “Thank God.” He kissed my forehead. “Thank God you’re all OK.”

I heard Daryl stomping back toward camp, reassuring everyone that even without the deer we’d managed to get a dozen squirrels. He was shouting for Merle when I felt Dad tense up. “What’s wrong, Dad?” I asked, seeing guilt flash across his face. “Dad, did something happen to Merle?”

He sighed and pulled me along with the rest back to camp. The fallout came when they told Daryl. Dad’s decision to handcuff Merle to a roof, then T-Dog losing the key to the cuffs, leaving him behind with a horde running loose was barbaric even for Merle. Soon Daryl was demanding to be let to go find his brother, and my dad, T-Dog, and Glenn were planning a return trip.

Dad came to me to try to explain. He’d noticed my sleeping arrangements, and unlike Shane, he didn’t seem to give much of a damn. He was curious, clearly, but we had plenty more worries that were more demanding. Such as Merle’s condition.

“Dad,” I stopped him before he tried to give his reasoning. “ I know that you had a reason, I do. You need to understand that Daryl ONLY has Merle. While Merle can be TOO much for everyone else, Daryl needs him. Hell, the two of them adopted me while you were-” I stopped and gulped for air at the memory. “Promise me something?”

“Anything, baby girl.” He answered without hesitation.

“Keep him safe.” I saw his eyebrow raise. “Daryl, Dad, the others don’t see it, but he’s a good one.”

Hugging me again, he whispered his promise against my temple as he kissed me goodbye.

“Keep yourself safe, too, Dad. I just got you back.” I felt him chuckle as he released me.

“I’ll do my best, Jessi.” He smiled and we walked back to the truck where the others were waiting. Dad was kissing and assuring Lori and Carl about this dangerous new mission.

Daryl was pacing like a caged animal. “Hey.” I called to him, he glared down at me, but I took no offense. He was glaring at EVERYONE. “Don’t do anything stupid.” I forced him to stop moving by grabbing his hand. Startled by the contact, he stilled. “I mean it, Dixon. Come back safe. Find Merle, give him an ass chewing, and come back safe.” I was glaring up at him. He gave a curt nod and I felt my chest untighten. “Good. Glenn, T-Dog? Stay safe.” They smiled at me, but my hand was still holding Daryl’s. I gave it a squeeze then released him.

The truck had barely left when Shane confronted me by the Dixons’ tents. “You going to tell him?” He asked, hovering over me where I sat checking my arrows’ conditions. “About-”

“About you and Lori?” I asked, ignoring his oppressive presence. “Or about my graduation party?” I glanced up at him and was gratified to see him growing pale. “You and Lori can decide whether or not to tell him. As for the party? TBD.”

He stomped away and I hoped that would be the end of our cozy little chats for a while.

JUNE 2009~ JESSICA’S GRADUATION PARTY

I’d been so excited for the party to celebrate my graduation. Dad was beaming, telling anyone who’d listen about his Valedictorian daughter who got a full ride to college. Lori, who might not be the world’s greatest cook, was a damn fine party planner. And Carl was so excited to see me get my diploma, followed by an abundance of food and cake, plus he was telling everyone how much he was looking forward to visiting me at Agnes Scott. An ALL GIRL’S school he kept telling everyone, like I was going to magic school.

Yet, after the cake and presents, I had started to feel a little let down. It wasn’t my family, our house, or even the guests. I was just getting worried that maybe I’d peaked. Being at the top of the food chain in high school was one thing, but college? I’d never been the new girl before. I was feeling vulnerable and took myself inside to sit at the top of the stairway.

Shane, like a shark can scent blood in the water, picked up on my vulnerability. As the 18 year old daughter of his oldest friend, I should have been an obvious off limits choice. Yet, that night, he’d found me and decided to make a move.

“This is your party, sweetheart.” He had said, as he sat down beside me too close. His jean clad leg rubbing against my bare leg and knee where my dress didn’t cover. “You look insecure up here, that isn’t the Jessica Grimes I know.” His hand moved to cup my knee.

I shifted, trying to dislodge his hold, but he wasn’t taking the hint. “I’m fine.” I answered, thinking that rejoining the party was the best idea I could have. “I needed a break, I should be heading back.” His hand moved up to my neck from my knee.

“Why don’t you let me help you relax a little bit, Jessi.” My family called me Jessi, it felt dirty on his lips. He moved his head forward as he turned my face to his, and I was so shocked I couldn’t stop him. His mouth attacked mine and I moved my hands to push on his chest, trying to get him to release me. He laughed, the bastard, and breathed against my lips, “I like a little fight in a girl.” So I gave him one. Taking a hand away from his chest as his mouth attacked mine again, I punched him in the crotch. I felt him groan and yank away from me. “You little bitch.”

“Fucking pig,” I whispered, only just stopping myself from spitting the taste of him back at him. “I should tell Dad.” I saw him flinch through the pain of his battered manhood to the thought of my dad knowing. “And I will, but not tonight. Stay the fuck away from me, Shane!” I bit out, rushing down the stairs to find something to wash the vile taste of him from my mouth.

#The Walking Dead #daryl dixon x ofc #eventual smut #rick grimes daughter #slight au #angst

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neshai-esper · 4 years

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How you heard the call of the egyptian gods? You said that they looked for the contact with you, and I'm interested.

To find out if the divine is trying to contact with you, you have to understand the methods how they prefer to message to you and plant signs in your life. It's not always like they just show up in front of you and starts to talk to you, but in a very mysterious, delicate manner.

Let’s check out my little journey with Set, to illustrate and examine a good example about these methods. If a deity is interested in working with you, usually he were already there in your life earlier, observed you and might have plans about this. It means that you have to examine your past, review your past to try to find the tracks of the actual deity you facing with. It’s quite amazing how they can see the future and plant informations-, experiences in your life even in the form of very small moments just for later, when you’re ‘mature’ enough and ready to deal with them.

In Set’s case, I’ve always felt a strange feelings flowing thru my chest and body when I heard His name even in my younger ages (4-6). At those times I was unaware about what does it really means, but later I noticed that whenever I heard a name of a deity and got this kind of feeling in me, it meant something deeper (-or higher), which were generated by our higher-self, and because this connection is already exists, even if my limited human mind unable to complete the full picture about us.

It’s good to know that there is no differences between a deity and his name.

So if a deity’s name is able to generate feelings, emotions inside you, it’s worth to find out why and try to unbox what your feelings are really means and where are these came from? For example, if you hear a name of your mother, the feeling of safety, warm love and intimacy will fill up your chest, your heart. Why? It’s because you can connect to her memories which are generates similar emotions in you. Our soul doesn’t forget (nor lost connection with higher or different dimensions and reltionships there), but in the moment when we’re born here, we’ll lose lot of memories. This doesn’t true in deities’ case.

If a deity is showing up in your life, it has reasons and usually, it’s not because he decided to pop up just in the last two minutes, but way earlier. Sometimes it’s because you have business with him in your life, and both of you agreed that you can work together or keep in touch for whatever reasons, so they’ll send signs to you to make sure you’ll notice him, but this is just an example. To find out your personal relationship with a deity, you have to talk with him (or her) by yourself and explore it.

Back to the example of Set and mine...

So I got a name what always put a huge effect on me as many times as I hear. I also noticed my deep connection and attraction to the storms and chaos since my young age too (ah, I still remember the good ol’ times when I sat on the windowsill, let my legs hang down and seeing, hearing the beauty of thunder and lightning around 30 meters above the ground). I also felt myself a foreigner, but not just in my country, but the whole planet. My favorite animals were exactly the same animals what are His sacred ones (leopard, hippo, crocodile for example, I also felt myself deeply connected to these). With that being said, plenty of small signs were in my life which indicated that we might have the time to get in touch with reasons.

Set showed up in the last year many times, and two kind of approach of his were very intense and harsh. Let me to skip this part, and put the focus on a more common method of the communication and signs.

I’ve got a dream with Him. His appearance wasn’t the same how you can see Him on the pictures and ancient arts, but His vibes were very familiar, and this figure’s behavior also (so I had to think about a lot and try to analyze the energfies what came from the dream, what I sensed). When I woke up, thinking about who were this guy in my dream in the ancient chamber (two times), Set’s name started to pop up again and again in my mind.

This is where the whole thing started yet again. He didn’t showed up now the way how He did in the last two times in the form of those acts, but from the backseat. If you find yourself thinking about a deity, can’t forgetting his name and you have urges to do researches, watch pictures about him and stuffs like that, it’s already a very strong sign of that he wants your attention, and wants you to submerge in him.

With your thoughts, you feed them, and as far as you think on them, they became a part of your life in a different way, and can make an impact on you. Same happened in my case. Even when I had a strange fear from Him after my first two experience with Him no matter how close I felt myself to Him, I hesitated to conact with Him, but I started to hear His name and see Him in my mind 0/24, and it became more and more intense and ‘excruciating’. Then I had to jump.

I very often hear the name of different divine entities, but if one of them will start to ‘haunt’ me, it has a reason.

In short, what kind of sign might be a form of a calling from a god or layed down traces to get your attention (which is also an aspect of the calling)? - dreams - feelings towards the deity or a name of a deity (as I mentioned above, there is no difference between a name of a deity and him) - repetitive motifs/symbols/names in your mind - traces in your environment (so the epithets of a deity; a simple example, people usually connect white feathers to angels, while some people if they see a Raven, they think about Thor and so on) - communication with them in several forms

These are just a small part of their arsenal, tho. If you start to do researches about all of these above and finally found a name (or if the name already in your mind) while you analyze yourself and your whole life too, to get a better understand of your whole situation, you might find many tracks. It’s all about your senses, sharp mind and effort you put into your case to find out if anyone is calls you and how could you find out who or why. It’s a beautiful and interesting ride, and probably not the first one (but hey, it’s just my opinion based on my experiences).

// Bonus: When I found out my Egyptian Horoscope (shortly after my first dream about Set), I found out that my horoscope is Geb, and belov the description said that this horoscope is the best combination / matchup on the side of Set and vica versa.

#ask #Set #Sutekh #divine #communication #dreams #egypt #magic #relationship #god #soul

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meetmeinthematinee · 4 years

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A/N: This is a new fic I’m working on. I had a wacky idea for how John & Helen met and I wanted to explore it. At this point I’m not sure how many chapters this will be but certainly there is another in the works.

No warnings as of yet but it’s me so there will be smut, eventually.

He propelled himself through the water. No large splashes, just the steady waves he left in his wake. He always made time to get in some lengths at the continental pool---when he could. Luckily it wasn't too often that he came back from a job with open wounds that would preclude him from diving in. The weightlessness, repetitive movements and rhythmic breathing grounded him in a way that other physical activities didn't. Unlike the gym, he usually had the place to himself. An added bonus since he wasn’t much for idle shop talk. He did the jobs---he didn’t much feel like talking about them. Get in, get out, get paid. The worst were the people who enjoyed it. The ones whose eyes gleamed when they’d talk about their past exploits, about how quickly or cleverly, slowly or painfully they extinguished someone. Instead of making the turn underwater John reached his hand up and gripped the wall, treading water with his legs as he swiped his wet hair out of his face. He stared at the wall blankly while he caught his breath. He’d lost track of time---and from the sounds that came from behind him---he was no longer alone.

“I’m just getting things ready for the class.” She said as she hauled the lane ropes out of the water. “There’s still some time before it starts if you want to keep swimming. Nice form by the way.”

“Thanks.” He said. “Class?”

“Aquafit. Every Tuesday & Thursday at 8.”

“I didn’t know we had that many old ladies staying here.” He teased, trying not to stare at her.

She shook her head and moved to pull another lane rope out of the pool. She stopped and tucked a strand of her long dark hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear before she tugged the rope toward her.

“Ha. Can’t say I’ve heard that one before. If you’re too shy I do private classes too.”

John let go of the side of the wall and ducked under the water, swimming his way to the ladder.

“You know, your left shoulder is pretty stiff. Aquafit could help that.” She called out to him.

“I thought you said I have perfect form.”

“I said you had nice form. Not perfect.” She said with a laugh. Unable to keep herself from staring as he emerged from the water. He was tall, well built but not overly muscled. A solid and broad back covered in tattoos. Her eyes drifted down and she took in the massive, dark purple bruise along his left side.

“Guess I was stiffer than I thought.” He said as he carefully rolled his left shoulder and reached for his towel to roughly dry off his face and hair.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have---”

He smiled and shook his head, his hair sticking up at all angles. “It’s fine. I started it.”

“True.” She said as her grimace was slowly replaced with a big grin.

“I can’t stay---work thing.” He wrapped the towel around his waist.

“Every”

“Tuesday and Thursday at 8, I got it.”

“Helen.”

“Helen.” He said with a polite nod.

“John.”

“Nice to meet you, John. See you Thursday?”

“We’ll see. Have a good class.” He said before heading toward the change room.

He striped off his wet bathing suit and wrapped his towel around his waist before he headed into the steam room. He situated himself on the bench and laid down. Letting the heat work its magic on his sore muscles. He rolled his shoulders and hissed as he gently touched his bruised ribs. “What her hands would feel like on his body. Would her hair cascade around their faces as she sank down onto him.” He wondered. He shifted on the tile bench and let out a heavy sigh. The door to the steam room opened, momentarily letting in a blast of cool air. "John." His eyes opened at the familiar voice. He swung his legs over the side of the bench and sat up. "Marcus."

"Are you here for the class?" He asked as he sat on the bench across from John.

"No, I was just swimming laps."

"You should give it a shot sometime. It's more of a workout than you'd think." He leaned forward. "The teacher is the one I told you about." They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before John replied.

"She's nice."

"Who?"

"Helen."

"Oh. You met her?"

"Yeah. Today."

"So you're coming, then?" Marcus said as he stood up.

"No."

"Suit yourself, John." He said as he got up and moved to the door.

"I do."

"Yeah, that's always been the problem with you." Marcus said over his shoulder as he left to join the class.

John sifted his fingers through his wet hair. “What the fuck did he know.” He thought. “Well, except for everything.” Marcus knew him and knew him well enough to know that John needed someone or something to hold onto---that something inside him had shifted and needed attending to. It wouldn’t be tonight though. No. Not tonight.

--------------------------

His left shoulder still didn’t feel right. As hard as it was to admit, he wasn’t young anymore. He was slower to heal and sore for much longer. He woke up feeling like he’d been working the night before---even though he hadn’t been. He took a breath and blearily looked up at the ceiling, he exhaled slowly and attempted to untangle himself from the sheets. He didn’t feel like he’d had any dreams but from the way the bed was ransacked it must have been a restless night. “Was I back at the Tarkovsky Theatre? Practicing and falling? Over and over again?” He wondered. It wasn’t often that he could remember his dreams which was a relief. He saw enough during his waking hours---he didn’t want to see more of the same in his sleep. Finally untangled he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He picked up the phone.

“Hi, this is Wick. I’d like to order breakfast. Coffee. Eggs---poached soft, bacon, fruit and whole wheat toast. Thanks.”

The soft knock at the door finally got him off the bed. He grabbed a coin and opened the door so they could push the cart into his room. He slipped the coin to the room service person.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure Mr. Wick.”

He nodded and shut the door. He settled into one of the chairs by the window and poured himself a coffee, ate and read the paper. He tugged out the crossword, folded it neatly and set it aside for later. With a pencil. “Fuck, everyone loves that story.” He shook his head. The truth was as mundane as it was spectacular---and horrifying. “You mind your own business working on a crossword at the bar, get attacked and the next thing you know you’re a fucking legend.” He thought. “This is it. My life. In its entirety. I have everything and nothing at all.” He existed in that liminal space between monster and man. He thrived there, once, but now he just felt strangled. He got up, coffee in hand and picked up his watch from the nightstand. 8AM. Thursday. “Helen.”

-------------------------------------

She’d always been a morning person. Waking up chipper and ready to go the moment her feet hit the floor. This morning was no different. She stretched lazily, put on her silk floral print robe, slipped her cellphone into the pocket and went to the kitchen to make her morning americano. Her home---the one she’d kept in the divorce---was airy and minimal. A far cry from the cluttered, darker space it had been when her husband was there. She’d remodelled everything after he left. More accurately, after she kicked him out for fucking someone---or, as it turned out a string of someone elses. “What a goddamn disaster that had been.” She looked around at the kitchen and felt a wave of contentment wash over her. Everything about the place was definitely hers and she’d worked hard to make it so. “Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?” She thought to herself as she sipped her drink at the counter, looking out into the backyard that was still heavy with the morning mist. She opened her phone and went through her calendar. Double checking to see if there was something she’d overlooked. “Photography class? No. That was done until the next section started up in a few months. Private client appointments? No, those were all next week. Aquafit at the Continental tonight. Right.” Suddenly it became clearer. She wasn’t forgetting anything. She was looking forward to something. “That guy from the pool.” She thought as she settled onto the couch to scroll through the news on her phone. “I wonder if he’ll turn up today. What the hell was his name again? Josh. No. James? Hmm. John! Yeah. That seems right.”

---------------------------------------

She was hauling out the last of the equipment when he walked in. She smiled to herself---knowing her face was obscured by her hair as she placed the foam weights along the edge of the pool.

“Hey, John. Didn’t realise you were an old lady at heart. Joining the class today?”

“Thought I’d give it a try.”

“I expect you to do better than try.”

He heard the low murmurs of the people already in the pool. “She’s got balls. Talking to Wick like that.” She heard them too and she knew exactly who she was talking to. She just didn’t care. He smirked at her. Colour rising to his cheeks. “I better get ready then.” He said.

She handed a foam belt to him when he came out of the change room.

“I’m good.” He said.

“You’re used to being strapped up aren’t you? Just put it on. If you don’t you’ll have to stay in the shallow end for most of the class and you’re far too tall to get any benefit from the workout that way.” She said as she thrust the belt towards him.

“I didn’t think of that.” He said as he tried to take it from her, but she didn’t let go of the belt.

“How about you do less thinking and more listening and following instructions.” She said with a smirk before she let go, leaving John to put it on as she took her place at the side of the pool and welcomed everyone to the class.

John followed her instructions. Her voice, strong, and clear over the music as she demonstrated the movements on deck. She called out encouragement and corrections in equal measure. Always with a kindness that was impossible to overlook. He wanted to do his best. For himself but also because of his overwhelming desire to impress her. Which was---unusual---to say the least. Now he knew what the fuck Marcus was talking about. How Marcus knew what he was talking about was an even bigger mystery to John.

“That’s it for today, great work everyone! Take your time getting out and don’t forget to hydrate.”

A chorus of “Thanks, Helen. Great class Helen. See you next week.” reverberated around the tiled pool room.

John watched out of the corner of his eye as people chatted with her as she started putting away the equipment. He did a few slow laps until everyone had cleared out except for her.

“Your stroke is looking better, John. How’s the shoulder feel?”

“A lot better. Thanks for asking. And for the class.” He added hurriedly.

“Judging by the colour on your face it’s not just for old ladies, huh?”

He laughed and made his way to the ladder. Enjoying the lazy glide of the water over his body.

“No, not just for old ladies.”

“So, see you next class?” She asked as he dripped water onto the pool deck.

“I think so.”

“Good.” She went back to putting the last of the equipment away but the gentle smile on her face as she worked didn’t escape John’s notice.

---------------

TAG LIST:

@inlovewithliferuiners @nnneith @xo-dragonette-xo @i-cant-remember-my-old-login

@fanficsrusz @baphometwolf666 @sgt-morgan @thesadvampire @mikaneonox @paanchu786

@ficsnroses @keanuwwu @kathorax @beyond-antares @themanthemyth-thelegend @howtoruin-someones-perfect-day @jardani-jovonovich-bitch @21stcenturyyfoxx @ladyreapermc

Want to be added or removed from the tag list? Let me know!

#John x Helen Wick #john wick fanfic #John wick fan fiction #Helen Wick

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telekinsesis · 4 years

Text

"🎭The Masked Autistic Quiz🎭

If you’ve spent your life ‘faking normal, you might not look autistic to the casual observer. So I’ve made a questionnaire that’s tailored to the masking autistic adult.

#ActuallyAutistic #AllAutistics"

1. Have you ever felt as if you were missing the built-in instruction manual that everyone else seemed to possess?

Yes. I had to slowly learn how basic things worked while others seemed to instinctively get it.

Did you spend an inordinate amount of time learning to copy the behavior of other kids so that they wouldn’t realize you were different?

Yes. I always just wanted to fit in and have friends and be liked, but I always felt different than them.

2. Are you able to make eye contact, but would much rather NOT make eye contact? Have you taught yourself to ‘cheat’ by looking between the eyes or at the eyebrow? Does eye contact make it harder to think clearly?

I can't handle eye contact for longer than a couple of seconds. Most of the time I find a way to avoid it, I can only remember doing it in stare contests with my sister or for comedic purposes.

3. When you’re alone do you make random noises or repeat interesting words to yourself? Do you move your hands or feet because staying still feels ‘wrong?’ Bonus points if you do this around other people.

I'm always shaking/bouncing my leg. Sometimes I hold my breath for no reason or find myself making involuntary noises with my throat. Every once in a while I also say random things.

4. Do people refer to you as a ’space cadet’ or a ‘day-dreamer’, even though those terms make no sense to you? Do you appreciate unusual things like constellations in the popcorn ceiling, tricks of light, numbers and textures?

I am always daydreaming or spacing out, I would be more called out for it as a teen than I am now. / I don't find those things unusual but I love noticing them and the little details about it, I do appreciate it.

5. Do your anxiety levels spike when there is a change of plans, or when somebody calls, rings a doorbell or sends an email/text? Do people perceive you as rude and antisocial for being unappreciative of their surprise attacks?

Yes, yes, yes. Unless it's someone I deeply trust (sometimes not even then though), sudden changes of plans or routine upset and stress the hell out of me. Phone calls can give me anxiety and sometimes I need a lot of time to reply to a simple text.

6. Do you have a hard time understanding why people feel the way they do without a personal point of reference? Are you able to relate much more once you’ve tied their experience to something that’s happened to you?

I can't remember or realize if I do, but I do know that I'm better at "empathizing (?)" when I relate to the situation in one way or another. My closest friends are people I share similar experiences/feelings with and we can get each other.

7. Do people jokingly call you ‘OCD’ for your organizational strategies or list making, even though there are perfectly rational reasons for your behavior? Does this ‘obsessive’ behavior also bring you a sense of calm and order when you’re allowed to see it though to completion?

Not really, but my sister who's a psychologist thinks I have "obsessive/compulsive traits" or whatever because of how often I wash my hands. I also enjoy organizing my saved files, even if it takes me hours, and feel much better when they are.

8. Do you have social anxiety, but only because you have a hefty track record of rejection due to missed social cues, difficulty navigating conversations and an inability to understand what other people are thinking?

I have been diagnosed with social and generalized anxiety but I don't know why, it's just my brain. I do remember it starting/getting worse when I got to high school, around the same time my depression kicked in.

9. Do you avoid places because of the overwhelming noise, visual clutter, bright lights or overwhelming smells? Do you avoid busy stores and do your shopping when things aren’t as busy?

I don't go out a lot overall, I like staying home better. I don't know the exact reason why and when I go out it's hardly ever to packed loud places because I'm very introverted, but I also hate when people talk too loudly 90% of the time.

10. Do you have a built-in ‘BS detector’ and despise playing along with things that infantilize you? Have people said you’re ‘not a team player’ for complaining about pointless gift exchanges or parties? Do you need to understand the purpose of a task?

Yes. I don't complain but I don't participate either, again, I'm very anxious and introverted so unless I feel comfortable with those people, I don't like socializing much. I don't remember ever doing tasks without purpose, I don't think they exist in the first place, everything has a purpose.

11. When you get happy and excited, do people say you’re ‘too much’ or tell you to calm down? Are you unusually animated when genuinely excited, yet find it hard to fake this enthusiasm on demand for others?

When I'm in a good mood, I'm in a good mood. When I was younger and participated in things I was passionate about I would get told to tone it down and be less "loud" or "annoying" because the way I expressed my excitement was too extra. I found it easier to blend in and calm myself externally after called out.

12. Do you feel so closely connected to your hobbies that you can blissfully engage in them for hours and have a hard time stopping for anything else? Does losing interest in them make you feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself?

Yes, definitely, yes.

13. Is driving a stressful and exhausting experience for you? Do you tend to take the same familiar route every time and even go so far as to avoid stressful intersections and fast highways? Do you struggle making quick decisions behind the steering wheel?

I don't drive.

14. Do you feel as if you relate to animals more than other people? As a child, did you secretly suspect that you were from another planet or species than that of your classmates? When meeting someone similar to yourself, do you feel like you’re ‘home’, so to speak?

I relate more to cats than people I know. I still do, even though I rationally know it's impossible, kinda. It's not very often but yes.

15. Do you abhor the idea of making conversation with people who share nothing in common with you? Would you happily go out of your comfort zone to talk with others about a shared hobby or passion?

My classmates gave me anxiety but I would talk for hours with one of my sister's friends because she liked classic movies too.

16. Do people assume you’re angry at them when you’re not? Do you smile or laugh inappropriately, upsetting others? Have people told you that you have a ‘resting bitch face’?

I have been asked multiple times if I was okay or if I was sad when I was nothing of the sort, but maybe I was simply depressed? I remember laughing and then realizing it wasn't a good moment but I don't remember it happening a lot or why I did it.

17. Do you have an unusually monotonous or singsong voice? Do you have a hard time modulating your volume and speak with inappropriate volume for the situation?

I don't know, I don't think so but I constantly do get called out for not speaking clearly or mumbling or talking too low or fast even when I think I'm being clear or think it's possible to understand me regardless.

18. Have you purposely chosen interests that fly under the radar as ‘normal’, yet you still prefer to enjoy peripheral aspects of that interest, such as studying the stats of baseball players or making elaborate backstories for your Barbie dolls?

As a kid I would create novelas around my Barbie dolls, when I made pillow forts with my friends I would create dramatic/tragic stories and wanted to act them out with them. Currently I don't "choose" interests or care about how "normal" they appear, I'm just naturally invested in things.

19. Do you find it inordinately difficult to listen to someone when other people are talking? Do you have a hard time carrying on a conversation in a loud or crowded place?

I don't know but I don't think so, when a person is loud enough I can hear them over other noises, even if it's by a little. Again, I don't usually go to loud or crowded places so I can't remember.

20. Do emotions and sensory overload build up into a thunderstorm of rage that you have no choice but to ride out until it passes? This might be a meltdown. Alternately, does the buildup result in you retreating from the world and ‘zoning out’? This would be a ‘shutdown’.

Yes.

21. While not officially criteria, this is something that many autistics will relate to: Do gender, romantic and sexuality norms seem arbitrary and fake? Even if you don’t identify as LGBTQ+, do you hesitate when referring to yourself as cisgender or heterosexual?

I'm a lesbian that questions her sexuality at times and have no idea what my gender is, I just know I'm not cis.

22. Have you developed coping mechanisms such as lists, schedules, stacks of paper, alarms and reminders to help you function as an adult? Would you still be able to get by without them?

I'm currently not doing anything that requires me functioning like an adult and don't remember what I did when I had to but I would never be able to be an adult.

23. Do you go through periods where you can’t even remember how to make dinner or get ready for work, and even the easiest of tasks seem insurmountable because you can’t fathom completing the steps to completion?

I don't forget how to do things but I can forget to do them or it's almost impossible to bring myself to physically do them.

24. Do you find it easier to do things when they’re a passion or ‘special interest’? Were you good at cooking/gardening/organizing when it was interesting, but find it impossible to start once the passion has abandoned you?

Always. I have abandoned many projects once I lost interest even if I was somewhat good at it at the start.

25. Do you have a hard time recognizing or remembering faces? While not all autistics are ‘face blind’ many of us are.

I don't think there are many faces I need to recognize or remember, and I have a shitty memory anyway so I don't know.

26. Is keeping and maintaining relationships difficult for you, even if you’re loyal to them? Do you suddenly remember a good friend or relative that you literally forgot about for months or years? Is it hard to initiate conversations without a prompt, even with friends?

Yes. If I'm close and trust them, it's not hard to text them first but I don't always know what to exactly say or talk about.

27. Lastly, do you get emotional and feel ‘seen’ when reading the above tweets and other content by autistics? There might be a reason for that.

I do some and most times, but I don't wanna assume things.

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yvaquietdays · 4 years

Text

On giving up on all your unrealistic dreams.

There’s a rumour going around that I’m gonna give it all up.

The rumour is only in my head. But still.

Entirely expectedly at this time of year, I’ve been experiencing some introspective anxiety. Namely, noticing that when I think about my music, my anxiety starts peaking. Ugh, I know. So boring. The streams of panic, sending whirly moments of fear through my gut; I’m not good enough, I haven’t done enough, I don’t want to do enough. If I don’t want to do enough, then I mustn’t want this. I’m going to escape, move to New Zealand, sell books. You see where I’m going with this. The slow, maddening, endless descent into spiralling negative thoughts. Let me just lie down.

Firstly, I have to be very careful that I don’t take my reluctance to do something as a sign from the universe that I’m on the wrong track. The universe, sometimes, doesn’t know shit about it. I put too much stock in the universe and all its power at the dawning of 2019 and look where that got me. Alright, all the way out to LA, but I came back, didn’t I? Quite clearly something (that I’m not going to talk about, because it doesn’t actually matter, honest) didn’t pan out as it was supposed to.

But I set my intentions! I rode the wave of acceptance! I was grateful!

Come off it. Nah. Sometimes shit doesn’t pan out and you either fall hard or get on with it. In the end, I was glad that thing didn’t pan out, because I felt like I’d been freed. Freed from an industry that felt fake and vacuous, freed on my own trudgey path, to do whatever I want on it. I could kick some stones for a while, make some moves. Or, as it happens, stand completely still. But here’s the rub. I’ve been entertaining thoughts of doing other things. I wrote a book a year ago and sat on it for another year, picking it apart, editing, sending to my beta readers. It reawakened a very simple, undemanding love for reading and writing. It doesn’t always make me feel bad when I do it. It is a pure and unadulterated mode escapism. Excuse me while I jump off the world for a sec. Of course, there are days I have no ideas, I can’t pull together any words, and on those days, I feel like a steaming hot pile of turd. But generally, I lie awake at night imagining scenes, characters. I’ve realised I see the world through a writers eyes, always creating stories for people, craving seeing inside someone else’s life, figure out their quirks. Everyone I meet is a character I analyse and flesh out in my head. I couldn’t quite believe I’d buried this part of me for so long. I challenged myself to finish a novel in a year, and I did it. I finished the thing, just to prove to myself that I had it in me. I can’t tell you how freeing this is. So I started wondering if music had led me down a certain path, because from a young age, I had also craved attention and being on the stage, to perform. In my head, I imagined myself on red carpets and at award shows, even though I learned in my late teens how childish and silly this was. But in the back of my mind, always, I had pictured my life playing out away from Newcastle, away from London even. I guess I existed in a different world than the one I knew, even the one that looked real. It meant if I didn’t make music, or get played on Radio 1, or play the big festivals with the other big guys, or be the one to watch... I would fail. There was nothing else. It was this, or nothing.

Obviously that mindset had repercussions in the end. So. I’ve given up on all those unrealistic dreams.

I have no desire to be part of the music industry. Not now, after everything. It’s like I can see through the veil, and on the other side, all I see is poor mental health. I honestly love my life, my little flat, a hot brew after hot bowl food, wasting my life on Netflix but being held by a person I love. That’s all there is for me. Everything else is a bonus. I’m not giving up. I’m just, sort of, giving in. Letting go of the things that don’t make me happy. That includes those dreams, those expectations. The way I see it is, we live in a world that tells us to want more, get more, be endlessly unsatisfied and in a perpetual state of craving. I have wanted this idea for as long as I remember, but the reality is, the idea doesn’t exist. It’s kind of like planning for a holiday. You’ve booked the flights, the transfers, you know you can get by with the bikinis you already own, but in the back of your mind you’re thinking, I could do with a very specific vest top or skirt or shorts for this holiday, otherwise I’ll be really annoyed not wearing the right thing when you’re climbing the steps from GoT in Dubrovnik, and you’ll have to look back on those pictures knowing that vest top was cropped when you didn’t want it to be. Or you’ve suddenly got a long list of items you need for this holiday, even though you know deep down, it’s about the memories and the respite of being on the actual bloody holiday, not the new travel wallet you bought from Liberties because Marie Claire told you it was a must-have for the holiday season. We’re always being sold stuff, only valuing ourselves through the lens of how everyone else perceives us, and what’s worse is that social media knows exactly what we’re thinking, what we’re tempted by. Instagram reinforces the need for a new cross-body bag for the holiday because you googled it or searched or it on ASOS. So you think, yeah, you know, I do need all that stuff. I need to fulfill my dream version of the holiday otherwise it won’t count.

That’s life. If you boil it right down to a lovely little jus, and drip it down on your unrealistic expectations, you’ll realise you’ve been spending years berating yourself by wanting more, wanting the goal, even wanting more while you have it, while doing everything to forget to be grateful or appreciative to yourself for the work you’ve put in to achieving it already. You’re missing it all while you set your sights ahead. Dreams about how your life is going to look are a waste of time. Dreams are full of stuff we don’t need. Spend your days with your head in the clouds and you forget how to walk in the street without being hit by a cyclist.

Look, if I can release music and write a book, while being able to go to the pub for a pint and a game of Monopoly cards, and think about the possibility of having a family one day, then I’m happy. Family, people, connections, meaning, that’s what human beings need. It’s what I need, anyway.

I don’t want the guilt that comes with never quite achieving that perfect version of my life. My life is perfect. It might not look like how I imagined it when I first got my passport, imagining where I’d be in ten years time, but if I spend one more day looking years ahead to that perfect moment, I’d completely miss it. Miss now. I’d miss the fact that my actual life, today, right now, is better than I could have imagined.

So fuck that, pet.

I’m still recording, and I’m releasing very, very soon. But I’m just going along with it. I’m nervous about playing live, about the music world opening it’s doors to me again. Not sure if I want to step through. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. But what I’ve realised recently is that I can, as a woman, as a person, have it all. I can make my own music, release it, perform it live. I can do session work, I can tour the world with Nitin Sawhney and perform to crowds of thousands, and I can clock out. I can write a book, I can work on a second. I can work in a coffee shop and enjoy it. I can audition for shows. I can stay at home on the PS4 on New Years Eve with my love and have the best time, and not think about how there was no huge monumental moment for me at the end of the decade, only the realisation that I have all I could ever really need.

There isn’t one line that I have to follow. There isn’t one line you have to follow! Do what makes you happy, and remember what you really need to be so.

Thinking that music was the only thing that I was permitted to do was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I felt that trying my hand at anything else was pushing my luck. Nobody would take me seriously if I spread myself too thin. Jack of all trades, and that. I didn’t even let myself explore to find out how good I am at any of it. I told myself no. I allowed myself to cradle that silly dream of making it (I honestly don’t know what this means any more), for years, and it held me back. There is no making it. There is only work, and today.

And, anyway, I really don’t make enough money in one of those fields to warrant me only trudging through one. At this point, I have to think realistically, financially.

I have to hike through them all.

#unrealisticdreams #zeroambition #determination #gratitude #mentalhealthawareness #peakanxiety #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthblogger

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florrickandassociates · 4 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 3x09-- The One Where The Sun Comes Out

This episode was way more engaging than the last. I talk a lot about Maia in this one; the writers finally figured out how to use her!

Reasons I shouldn’t write recaps after a year without seeing an episode: I forget basic stuff, like that it rained for all of season 3. You know, because ATMOSPHERE and WEIRDNESS and QUIRK. And SYMBOLISM. Can’t forget symbolism.

To be fair to the writers, it did rain a lot last year. All I remember about the month of June is rain. They predict everything.

Maia’s new job at a call center (I can’t recall if we’d seen her at the call center before this episode) is something she takes very seriously. Just kidding. She acts disdainful towards anyone who dares ask for her help and then hangs up on them. On one hand, this seems like a terrible job so I get her “fuck it all” attitude. On the other, she’s being suuuuuper bratty.

Right. I refreshed my memory. We did see Maia at this job in an earlier episode.

Consult-a-Lawyer is where all the LGwhatever rejects go. Sounds miserable.

Blum walks in, and Maia makes a, “Oh God, THIS asshole” face. Coincidentally, this is also the face I’m making as I realize I’m going to have to listen to this loud man I had blocked from my mind yell obscene things for two more episodes.

Blum wants to hire Maia. She agrees, as does her friend Lili. I believe Maia has other choices (remember how she turned down Diane’s offers to help when they weren’t exactly what she wanted?) but also, yeah, I’d want to get the hell out of Consult-a-Lawyer too.

Now it is hailing. Everyone from RBL is in blue. Remember those picspams we all used to make where we’d oversaturate the background to make everything blue? I wouldn’t need to oversaturate this image to make the blue pop.

I truly don’t understand why the main page of All Access thinks I am in the middle of some random season 2 episode when I am clearly in the middle of 3x09. When I click on the show, it understands that I’m in the middle of 3x09 and allows me to resume watching. Why wouldn’t you optimize your homepage to encourage people to keep watching!? (All Access isn’t alone in this: HBO Go also makes it very hard to figure out where I left off when watching a series.)

So, because Carl Reddick was a sexual harasser and RBL covered it up, ChumHum is insisting on an internal investigation, led by a woman who is-- you guessed it-- quirky. And even worse, it’s one of the quirks that’s actually not funny because it’s a real condition people live with?? How are we still doing this, show?

This is RBL’s best year ever. Yay! I forget if that tracks with anything we’ve seen. I guess the existence of ChumHum alone is enough to make that true.

Oh NO, Book Club is in this one too!? Liz, wisely, says she’s done and refuses to go with Diane.

Maia tells Blum no, she won’t work with him. She thought he was rescuing her from hell, but he’s really “dragging her down deeper.” This is accurate. Maia may not be the smartest character on this show, but she’s got her eyes wide open when she works with Blum.

Blum wants to work with Maia (duh) because her father is a piece of shit respected by other pieces of shit. This checks out. This is quite logical, tbh.

Maia requires very little convincing. This is not because she is in such a hard spot she has no other options. This is because she is bored and hates the world because she didn’t get her way and had to deal with consequences. It took very little to turn Maia from an innocent to a villain. Perhaps that’s because she was always complicit. (If you’re 26 and went to law school and you can’t understand privilege even on the most basic level, it’s because you’ve been tuning out everything that challenges you.)

Maia seems way more confident now. She’s SO much more fascinating as a villain than as a protagonist, likely because even when she was the protagonist everything she did was so selfish it was hard not to see her as a villain. Props to the writers for recognizing that and leaning into it. They don’t explicitly tie her actions here to her actions at the start of the series, but this only works because Maia’s always been one slight away from going bad.

And yes, I think villain is the appropriate word for someone money hungry and willing to work, no questions asked, with someone as slimy as Blum.

Maia hires her friend Lili to help out, which, admittedly, is a nice thing for someone I just called a villain to do.

After further “messages” from the con artist who started Book Club, the Book Clubbers want to SWAT someone. This sounds fucking terrifying. Diane pushes back and the rest of Book Club is totally ok with this strategy.

So Diane reveals that Valerie’s a con artist and it causes squabbling. It somehow backfires because people believe the woman claiming to have a message from Valerie. Even the one who can do all the IT things--the one who could very easily (by show logic at least) just simply look up the records and phone numbers herself-- believes her.

Is a big group setting really the way internal investigations are done? I’m no expert, but this feels like a bad approach!!

Marissa doesn’t think the firm has racial issues! Ha ha. She thinks the racial pay gap issues are totally resolved because the associates got raises. As much as I want to believe someone as savvy as Marissa wouldn’t think like this… I kinda believe it.

Lili also seems kind of terrible, like someone who can’t wait to go on a power trip and fuck over every person who has ever said anything mean to her.

Oh goodie, we’re talking about sexism now. I appreciate that they’ve featured a few associates over the course of season three. I don’t remember their names since I last watched these episodes a year ago, but I remember that they’ve been in several episodes. I hope to see them in season four, and to learn their names.

Someone says men weren’t considered to head up Lucca’s department. This is blatantly false. Also, idk what these other associates can do, but Lucca’s proven herself to be adaptable, smart, and someone who can go above and beyond. Plus, she is someone who is out for herself, with tons of career options. She’s someone you want at your firm.

The female named partners are biased against men, says a (you guessed it!) male associate. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahaha no.

Marissa calls the associate out on this, and another (female) associate steps in to say she’s in no place to talk since she’s stealing Jay’s job. If it didn’t seem like there was room for both of them, this would be true.

In a move I appreciate, the mailroom employees are also in this scene, talking about how they didn’t receive any bonuses to correct for the pay gap because of their class. When one of the associates says they didn’t receive a bonus because of race, a mailroom guy calls her out for not knowing his name.

And then it devolves, as so many of these scenes do, into people talking over each other.

While I like that they address these issues so often on this show, I don’t think “inequalities are controversial and there’s no solution so here are people talking over each other” is the best approach. Sure, I can appreciate different points, and I don’t need the show to tell me how to think, but at this point I think the show needs more of a POV on this. It feels, too often, like they’re saying “Controversy! Huh!”

Marissa goes to Liz and mentions the other women Carl Reddick assaulted. Liz, understandably, hasn’t looked at the files Marissa gave her. She says she will but asks Marissa to keep quiet around the investigator. So sounds like she doesn’t intend to do anything.

Oh no. Is this the ep with the retcon where Liz and Adrian actually did hook up!? And put it in work emails!? All I have to say about this is that it’s a bad decision. Sometimes the writers get so close to making a bad decision and then walk it back enough so that I can relax, and then bring it back later, for no reason. It’s even worse that way, because by that point I’ve already formed a strong opinion about it happening. The moment that set me off the most in TGW was when Alicia and Peter agreed to renew their vows at the end of 421, followed by a commercial break, followed by a promo with Alicia kissing Will. I HATED the love triangle at that time. I mean HATED. That commercial break allowed me to relax into the idea that the writers had ended the love triangle. The promo shattered that idea, and, in turn, I slammed my computer shut so hard it nearly broke. That is not a feeling I like. That is the feeling that learning Liz and Adrian fucked gives me.

NOT EVERYONE HAS TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE. IT IS SOMETIMES MORE INTERESTING WITHOUT THE ILLICIT AFFAIRS. THERE ARE MORE INTERESTING WAYS THAN HOOKUPS TO ADDRESS THAT THEY USED TO BE MARRIED. For starters, can we get an episode where Liz calls Adrian out on the condescending voice he’s always using when he talks to her?

Oh yes, this is also perjury. Why. Why is this happening? Why would Liz and Adrian admit this to an investigator knowing damn well they lied under oath, and also, why would they lie under oath? I know we saw it happen but was it really worth two partners perjuring themselves bc they fucked their ex???

When the stakes are high for no reason (or for a stupid reason) it doesn’t maximize drama. It just makes me tune out the drama. If I believed Liz and Adrian had a good reason to perjure themselves, maybe I’d care about this. Maybe they did. But the fact I don’t remember it-- and I’m someone who can name every single episode title of TGW in order-- suggests to me it wasn’t a good enough reason.

Liz goes to shred the file with the rest of the info on her father’s victims. See, this is a bad choice that I understand. It’s her father’s legacy and her firm’s future, and she has all the power right now. It could come back to bite her, but I get why she takes this risk. I get why this situation is fraught.

Credits time!!!

Maia’s also decided to dress like a Bad Girl. She is trying VERY hard. But she’s pulling it off. She’s speaking without hesitation and actually taking an active role in getting things done. It speaks volumes about her character that the first time she’s been motivated about anything work related, it’s something morally bankrupt.

Apparently the black and white associates are sitting apart from each other. Julius says it’s not intentional; there’s a hot desk system. That held up well.

LMAO people think Julius and Marissa are sleeping together. Julius does a spit take-- the appropriate reaction.

“You’re really a Rindell?” a potential client asks Maia. “Raised at his knee. Taught me everything he knows,” Maia says proudly, displaying a framed picture of her and her father. I’ve said it like five times already but it’s SO dark that Maia would use this to her advantage. We’ve seen some opportunistic shit on TGW/TGF but Maia gets so shameless, so fast, with no remorse. Damn.

RBL is trying to disbar Blum. He doesn’t care. He tells Maia to take care of it and to use the allegations (which she doesn’t realize are real) against Carl to make it go away.

Diane is talking to a computer. I’m over all the Diane plots.

Liz is glad the Book Club is still fighting even if she’s not involved, which is the stance it always made the most sense for Liz to have.

Diane allows Book Club to proceed with their latest scheme because she finds the dude they’re targeting deplorable. If this plot didn’t involve Book Club I’d find it to be an interesting moral dilemma.

An actually interesting dilemma: Liz informs Marissa she will not be disclosing the names of any additional victims. Marissa clearly thinks this is the wrong call but keeps her mouth shut. An unusual amount of restraint for her.

Maia and Marissa are still friends! Is this the episode with the bizarre Maia/Marissa kiss that I still don’t understand the point of?

Marissa divulges info about the firm’s Reddick drama to Maia, which is uncharacteristically stupid of Marissa. But there’s no bridge Maia isn’t willing to blow up to help Blum. She’s prying and manipulating a friend who faked a drug test for her and got her through the worst time in her life so she can prop up a mean, cruel man. There are other paths for Maia. I want to be absolutely clear that I think she is choosing this one because things got the slightest bit challenging for her.

Maia realizes what she’s doing and stops herself saying she has to go because “everything we talk about from now on, you’re gonna blame me for.” And rightfully so!

OH, the kiss is because Maia is acknowledging she’s fucking over their frendship, isn’t it? Earlier they’re about to drunkenly kiss and one of them talks about not fucking friends they don’t want to fuck up the friendship. So the kiss is fucking over the friendship. Or maybe it’s just a kiss.

“You’re gonna hate me. Just remember, this has nothing to do with us,” Maia says. Ha, I believe this less than I believe Alicia’s “this was never meant personally” in 5x05. (Hitting the Fan isn’t a bad comparison here, since Alicia does make a choice to fuck over friends when she has the choice to not fuck over friends. I think what makes that “gray” for me while this is villain territory for Maia is how fast this happens. Alicia’s taking the clients whose accounts SHE has sustained, and starting a firm she truly believes will be better (for herself, as a company, for her family). It’s a selfish decision. Her options aren’t reduced all that much either (she’s the governor’s wife, if she wants to leave her firm she could go anywhere). But I can see her side, I can see how fraught the choice was for her, I can see how the way things played out made the tensions worse. Maia burns her friendships to the ground so she can work with a loathsome man because the opportunity fell into her lap while she was hating the world too much to do anything productive with her life.

Maia’s crying in the office when Blum finds her. She knows what she’s about to do. She’s sad she’s going to do it, but she knows she’s going to do it. I don’t think she considers, for a moment, not fucking over Marissa. As soon as Marissa gives her the intel (which, no matter what Maia says, she was totally fishing for), Maia’s mind is made up. Does it make it better if she cries about it?

And Maia KNOWS it is a betrayal. She says she knows “a friend will interpret it as a betrayal” because she knows it is one. She tells Blum she doesn’t know if it’s a betrayal because “I’ve lost track these days” (that line sounds surprisingly Alicia-esque) and tells him what she knows. That’s one of those questions that if you have to ask, you know the answer.

Thought experiment: Would it be a betrayal if Maia were an activist who wanted to get the word out about an abuser? I think a lot of why I react so harshly towards Maia’s choice here is that (1) she sees it as a foregone conclusion that she’ll use the info and (2) she is using it to help Blum. Blum isn’t shades of gray (50 shades of gray joke here). He is despicable. He isn’t morally ambiguous and you can’t even say his ends justify his means because his ends are despicable too!

Ah, a scene I won’t have much to say about. It’s going to be Blum on his bullshit.

Oh, I do have something to say, but it’s a sad thing. Mark Blum, the actor playing ACDB lawyer Julius Kreutzer in this scene, sadly passed away from COVID-19 last week.

Roland Blum representing sexual assault survivors to fuck over a rival law firm makes me sad.

Marissa does, in fact, interpret Maia’s actions as a betrayal. She calls her immediately and asks, “you fucked me over?” “Not intentionally,” Maia says. Oh, own it. You knew the moment she said it what you were going to do; this was an intentional action with an inconvenient consequence.

The partners find out, thanks to Blum, that Julius is going to be a federal judge. And they are not happy.

More talking over each other! Cultural appropriation has entered the mix of complaints. Lucca decides to intervene by going to the partners about the new seating plan. And this is why Lucca, and not that associate, is heading up a department. She knows when to go to management and isn’t wasting her own time in these squabbles. (Tbh, Lucca recognizing that bickering with no resolution in sight isn’t productive makes me wonder if the writers have more of a POV than I’m giving them credit for. Maybe they’re trying to say that talking over each other is futile and aggravating.)

Why the hell does this investigator want to integrate the mailroom by firing black people so they can hire more white people?! Setting aside for a minute that that is a profoundly stupid idea, that can’t possibly be legal, can it???

RBL decides that, backed into a corner, it’s time to just own up to their wrongdoings. It works with the ACDB, at least until Blum brings Maia into things.

Book Club kills someone. I truly don’t know how to feel about Diane having literal blood on her hands. This scene should be way more dramatic than it feels. This is the problem with having stakes too big for the show. Instead of getting invested, I write off the far-fetched plots, and I can’t really care about character drama that stems from something so over the top I don’t believe it.

Diane thinks Book Club didn’t want the guy dead. What about this group that was working to hack voting machines suggested that they wanted him to live????

Liz says Diane has to report them, but Diane worries she’s implicated. Who could have imagined that working with crime-loving resistance group would have legal ramifications?! It’s not like Diane and Liz are lawyers or anything.

Liz thinks Diane needs to convince Book Club that everything they’re doing is because of a con artist, but that’s a solution to a different problem. Diane knew Valerie was a con artist and still pushed forward with Book Club because she was committed to the cause. Why would any of these other women abandon the group at this point? What difference does it make if Valerie is a liar.

Shock of all shocks, Book Club is planning their next attack. It’s almost like they are a group of criminals who meet in shady spaces at odd hours. The time to be noble about this shit was weeks ago, Diane and Liz. You’re complicit. What did you think you were getting into?

Book Club does not like that Kurt is conservative. Diane gets mad and basically threatens them.

“You two are just as culpable,” one of the Book Clubbers says. She’s not wrong. Maybe not JUST as culpable, but culpable for sure. It’s possible that I just don’t want to see Diane and Liz be culpable for things this atrocious and stupid so I resent this plotline. (That said, to go back to Hitting the Fan as an example of a character I love doing a thing that is morally questionable at best, I can accept my faves doing things I don’t like. There’s something about the scale of Book Club’s actions vs the scale of the show that feels off.)

“The truth is what you make it,” Blum tells Maia. A familiar lesson for this show.

!!!!!!!! Is CBS reading my unpublished word doc?! Because today All Access understands that I am watching 3x09.

It’s also updated the key art for TGF to the season 4 image, which says “What is memo 618” in larger font than the show’s title. I am sure I will come to care about memo 618; however, it doesn’t make me want to watch the show or tell me anything about the show, so I don’t get why it’s on the poster.

ALSO there is no question mark on the image so that’s gonna drive me just a little crazy.

Blum manipulates Maia by telling her she shouldn’t let anyone control her. Maia doesn’t agree to help him; she heads home instead.

Liz and Adrian talk about sleeping together. They had previously said it was a mistake, but Adrian wants to reopen the discussion. All Liz wants is privacy.

Adrian then asks her if she regrets “fucking”. Yes, he says fucking. Those are his words. Liz is like, what do you want to hear? And it breaks up the tension of the moment. THAT is more compelling to me than all the perjury stuff. (Also, neither of them regret it.)

I don’t think I have a problem with them sleeping together… just a problem with it happening off-screen (I don’t need a sex scene-- just want to know how they got there!), being retconned, and then being used to create drama. If they want to hook up, go for it.

Oh, look, it’s a stock footage shot of the outdoors. Busy streets? People walking around? Seems fake.

The stock footage is to show that the rain has stopped, btw. It just feels like it’s designed to taunt me with the idea of public parks and bustling streets.

The ChumHum report is out and the partners look very! Serious! But Liz and Adrian are in the clear.

The investigator basically just finds the firm grew too fast and that’s their only real issue. The Carl Reddick issue will hurt, but it’s survivable.

But they’re still losing ChumHum. They were always going to lose ChumHum. Diane goes outside to enjoy the good weather while she can.

Maia doesn’t show and Blum gets disbarred. It’s fun to watch him squirm, having just lost his power. He rambles nonsensically.

Maybe Maia isn’t a villain. I truly don’t remember this scene happening; I thought I remembered her showing up to defend him! Score one, Maia. This episode is the most interesting Maia’s ever been.

I also don’t remember Diane singing on a park bench. But I like it!

Book Club is threatening Diane now. They’ll destroy her (or kill her?) if she tells on them. Dramatic!!!

#the good fight #tgfthoughts #yall i had to actually spend time THINKING about why maia's choices come across differently than similar choices by other characters #a maia plot made me think about something other than how little she works!! truly incredible

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