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#something something the lies in el’s letter
heliumcake · 2 years
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knowing just a little of what mike’s been through makes the “you called maybe a couple times. it’s been a year, mike.” so funny like they thought the other one was living their best life after being separated and didn’t bother keeping in touch when actually both of them have been incredibly MISERABLE ever since the byers moved
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beaulesbian · 2 years
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Friends don’t lie.
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natalievoncatte · 1 month
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Few moments in Alex’s life would stick out like this one. There was a rising panic in her throat, pulsing against her airway. Panic and grief gripped her like icy hands, working to strangle, and she wasn’t sure if what she choked down was a sob or vomit. Her hands trembled as they held the paper. She hadn’t thought of this.
The letterhead read simply, PAST DUE- FINAL NOTICE.
With everything going on, she’d simply forgotten about the matter until she swung by the loft. She should have sent Kelly, should have set up something earlier to deal with this. Kara was six months behind on her rent and she was going to be evicted if she didn’t pay.
Which she never would.
Alex had quietly accepted, about a month ago, that Kara wasn’t coming home, that all their methods had been exhausted, that her sister was lost in an infinite, shattered Phantom Zone, never to be found. She’s finally gotten the martyrdom that she’d been unknowingly seeking since she arrived on Earth.
She was keeping it bottled up, because the others still believed, even Brainy, who had to know the odds.
Alex seethed with a towering rage. There were some nights when, lying awake in Kelly’s arms, she’d fantasize about how she’d punish Clark for failing Kara, or what she’d do to Lex Luthor if she got her hands on him. Sometimes it would even be J’onn she raged at, or Lena.
She saved them all so many times, threw her life and body and soul in front of all them as a shield and took on their misery and suffering on top of her own, and though it was like drops cast in the ocean of Kara Zor-El’s grief, she felt every blow, every loss. Alex’s falling tears stained the letter as she thought of every time Kara paced this apartment, excoriating herself for her failures whenever she couldn’t be in five disasters at once.
Alex didn’t want her to be a superhero. She didn’t want that need to throw herself between others and their own suffering to consume Kara’s life, but it had.
Not for the first time, Alex wished that Kara had just stayed on the ground and let her plane crash. It was a selfish, hateful impulse. Kara would never have let it happen and even if she had, something would have prompted her to put on that red and blue costume and fly. It was what she was for.
Alex raged anyway. Fuck that little shit Wynn for making her a costume. The little pervert probably just wanted to make her try shit on to see her half naked. Fuck J’onn for recruiting her, fuck Clark for abandoning her… and… and…
The paper crumpled and so did Alex, sobbing. This was all her fault. If only…
“Alex?”
She hadn’t heard Lena come in. She’d long ago given up heels. Hell, shed given up. She was a wearing a hoodie that Alex knew was Kara’s and her hair was in a loose ponytail at the base of her neck, and if asked when she last ate or sleep, she’d have lied. Alex already knew the answer: she ate when someone remembered to feed her and she slept on a cot in her lab as she tortured herself.
Lena was the only one that Alex couldn’t rage at because Lena was already punishing herself. Kara would be furious if she knew how they were letting Lena treat her health.
Without a word, Lena gently grasped the letter and Alex released it.
Lena read it, frowning.
Then she pulled out her phone.
“Jess, I have a task for you. I’m going to send you a pic of an eviction letter. I want you to pay off the back rent.”
“Lena,” Alex began.
Lena waved her off.
“I want the building. Set up some shell companies. No one can know it’s me. Try to negotiate so it looks legit, but they can name their price. I want it done by tonight.”
Lena hung up.
“This is her place,” Lena said, softly.
“You didn’t have to do that,” said Alex.
“Yes, I did. This is her place. She deserves to come back to it,” Lena dropped onto the sofa beside her. “I will never give up. I don’t care if I’m still trying to bring her home when I’m old and gray, it’ll be worth it to see her one more time.”
Alex felt a wave of grief overwhelming her.
“Besides,” Lena forced cheer into her voice. “I spent a billion dollars so I could hang out with her at work. What’s an apartment building?”
Alex jolted. It was as if she watched a wine glass, which had toppled and shattered and cast its contents across the floor, leap back into position. As if the shards of crystal returned to their proper places and the cracks sealed, and the wine splashed back to its proper place, not a single shimmering golden drop lost. When the understanding snapped into place, it was like a lightning bolt. She felt too large for her skin, and the fine hairs at the back of her neck stood, as though bearing a charge.
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Lena was in love with Kara.
She could see it now. The love radiated from every pore of Lena’s skin, undulled by the grief that draped her like a nighted cloak, as gold shimmered untarnished beneath dust. Alex’s heart was about to break again.
“I have to get back to the lab.”
“Why are you here?” Alex said, softly.
“I was… I’ve been spending the night. I should have asked. I’m sorry.”
“Kara would want you to.”
Kara would want you to move on, Alex thought. She would want you to find someone and be happy and think only of her in fond memories. She would gladly martyr herself for you, too. You above all. She never stopped defending you even when…
Now there were two wine glasses, side by side, almost touching but not quite, promising a toast unsaid.
Oh.
Oh God.
Alex launched off the couch and threw her arms around Lena, holding her tight. Lena recoiled a little; she seemed to dislike hugs, almost like she didn’t understand them, even as she’d melted in Kara’s embrace dozens of times.
How had she been so blind?
“We’ll get her back,” Alex said.
“We will,” said Lena.
Later, Alex stood off to the side, her veins singing with unbridled joy after Kara released her from a full on, no-powers bear hug. She watched as the others embraced her and slapped her back and welcomed her home while Lena stared at here like she couldn’t believe she was real.
Limping, haggard, Kara suffered their joys with quiet reserve, pushing a little closer to her ultimate destination with each one until she stood in front of Lena.
The hug was awkward, tentative, but Kara thrust herself into it after a hesitant moment and Lena molded against her, the pair standing cheek to cheek a beat too long. Lena pulled back and Kara pulled after her, leaning in, only to dance back and do that awkward little shift.
“Kara,” Alex blurted. “For fuck’s sake, just do it.”
Kara looked at her, wide-eyed and a little betrayed. Kara was beyond honest to a fault: Alex knew that after Kara nervously told her about the infamous “I flew here on a bus “ incident. Kara was honest to the core of her very being, sickened by the act of lying.
To Alex’s surprise, it was Lena’s hands on Kara’s shoulders that turned her away. Kara looked back and her and Lena brought her hands to Kara’s cheeks, resting her palms against the abnormally pale skin of her face. Kara froze for two heartbeats and then gently put her hands on Lena’s sides and pulled her in, there bodies slotting together as their lips found one another, Kara leaning over Lena a little more with the added height of her boots as Lena collapsed into her, tears glittering on her cheeks. The kiss carried on until Alex cleared her throat.
Everyone in the room was stunned save Alex.
“Guys,” she said, “let’s give them a little privacy, huh? We can celebrate later.”
As the others filed out of the room, Lena raised her head from where it had lain on Kara’s shoulder and mouthed a silent thank you.
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m00nsbaby · 10 months
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Already over.
Main Steven Grant x F! reader. ( + Marc Spector x F! Reader)
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Part 2. Sleepwalking.
Warnings & tags. ANGTS!! Cheating kinda but not really?, hurt, and all of thaaaat.
Word count. 3.4k
Summary.
We been talking for hours About how we shouldn't talk for hours on end. Kissing after a conversation About how we'd probably be better off as friends. Same time here next weekend Say, "We won't do this again" Make me fall where I stand Only like you can.
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It had been a while since Steven and you had accepted your positions in Marc's life. Both of you were external parts of something larger, like small protrusions on a road that led nowhere.
You decided to understand it when you realized the burden Marc had to carry. Khonshu had taken hold of his psyche and shattered it as he pleased, although he was aware of his dissociative identity disorder, he had started to lose control a long time ago and this resulted in Steven finding out in the worst possible way. It was as if life itself had decided to break him in every possible way.
Hadn't he suffered enough already? Steven and you weren't going to take away the last thing he had.
The love of his life. Layla El-Faouly.
You envied her in different ways. Living a life of adventures with the man of your dreams sounded like something out of a book. She was a strong woman and the first in Marc's life, and therefore also in Steven's, but if there was something that broke your heart in half, it was knowing that she was happy with him.
It would be a lie to say that you weren't happy with Steven. He gave you all of himself and loved you in a way he never tried to hide. But for years now, you had been the one picking up the pieces of two broken people and putting them back together. And then, there was Layla, who didn't even know about the existence of her husband's alter ego, enjoying the best part.
The carefree part that stood above all the atrocities of daily life, simply having a nice date or the official title of his wife, with a ring and legal documents.
"Do you miss working at the museum?" Steven's fingers traced your waistline, occasionally pausing to press on the moles peeking beneath the fabric of your short shirt.
"You have no idea how much." You could never tell him how much you appreciated that he didn't lie to you. You knew he comforted Marc by telling him that life was perfect just the way it was.
You were face to face. You admired Steven's face in front of you.
Anyone would think that once the issue of his fake sleep disorder was cleared up, he would look less tired. Although there were still hundreds of nocturnal missions, and Khonshu destroyed the mercenary's body until an exhaustion beyond description, now Steven could sleep a few more hours, the ones where he used to force himself to read until the letters danced before him.
Nothing had changed at all. In fact, you could swear that the dark circles under his eyes were becoming more noticeable.
"I love you, Steven." You said suddenly, resting a hand on his cheek. His skin had always been so soft and delightfully warm.
You brought a smile to his face, the one that momentarily makes you forget that both of you feel that time is running out.
The one that makes you forget the slight resentment you have towards Marc.
"I love you…" He whispered before leaning forward, just enough to brush his lips against yours, a gentle touch as his hand rested on your waist, and his thumb traced circles on your bare skin.
He wasn't lying; Steven never lied.
You spent the rest of the afternoon kissing and chatting about what had happened during the week you couldn't see each other. You asked about Layla as you always did, he shrugged, and you wondered if he felt the same resentment towards her that you felt towards Marc.
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"The idea of vegan hot wings is stupid," you laughed as you bit into the vegetable in your hand, the one that was trying to deceive you and pass for something else.
"The sauce tastes good!" Steven laughed with you, playfully pushing you with his shoulder. To hell with sitting face to face in restaurants; if your bodies weren't close enough, neither of you were comfortable.
"It's a fraud."
"It's delicious." Seeing you take another bite was enough to feel that he was right without you explicitly saying it.
"Do you want to come to my apartment later?" You sucked your thumb to clean the sauce from it. "Yesterday, I accidentally stumbled upon a garage sale and bought the dumbest movie I've ever seen, I got it for us. It's called Rubber, and it's about a homicidal car tire."
Under any other circumstances, Steven would have laughed with you, but he gave you that look that you already knew too well.
"I'm sorry, love." Suddenly, the fake wings didn't look so appetizing. "Marc is feeling better."
Ah. That.
That was the signal that he would be spending the night with Layla.
"That's fine." You nodded immediately, and you also felt disgusted with the food in your hand.
How much longer could you go on like this?
After a few seconds of silence, you cleared your throat. You had some time to come up with a change of conversation.
"What happened to your hand?" Your index finger touched Steven's injured knuckles.
"Marc didn't keep the suit on long enough; the larger wounds healed, but the rest didn't." He never lied, although this might be the exception. A minor injury to prevent a bigger one; he wouldn't ruin his life over a trivial matter.
You nodded slowly, planted a kiss on his shoulder, and continued with your attempt at a date, which was going perfectly until you remembered where you were standing.
The truth was that the night before, Steven had had a fight with Marc, one of those that hadn't happened since they threatened not to switch bodies back to each other.
"Are you two together, Steven?" He was about to explode, about to go crazy. This was the last thing he needed right now, adding more lies and involving more people. "I already told you, no!" Ever since you considered the possibility that Marc might find out, you had decided that if it was a panic situation, you would opt for the most efficient plan: Deny, deny, deny, deny. "Don't lie to me, not to me!" He never yelled; he was the calculating, quiet, and careful type, but even he had a breaking point, and if Steven was going to shout, then he would too. "Do you think I'm stupid, Steven?" It's funny because he hadn't had any doubts until a few weeks ago, so maybe he was a bit stupid, but he wouldn't say it out loud. "No, no, but…" "But?" "We're not together, Marc; she's my best friend." The second part was at least not a lie. He exhaled heavily and mentally thanked for being in front because dealing with anger, panic, and fear without having control over your body was a nightmare he had experienced before. Why did he ever buy so many mirrors? Marc's accusing gaze followed him around the apartment. "And you like her," Steven completed, another thing that wasn't a lie. "If I lose Layla because of you two, I swear I'll…" Adrenaline rushed through him; he lost control of his hand, which ended up against one of the mirrors, breaking it into a thousand pieces. "Marc!" The other didn't say anything, he watched from the reflection of some glass pieces as Steven's hand now bled, and tears filled his eyes. His body was used to large doses of pain, but emotionally, he wasn't used to seeing himself bleed or handling loud noises well. "We. Are. Not. Together." It was the last thing he said as he stretched his fingers and watched the blood flow between them. Marc was no longer in the reflection. He didn't want to object.
"Will I see you the day after tomorrow?" You could still see him tomorrow, but the idea of him coming to your place smelling of Layla's citrusy perfume always disgusted you. It was as if an extra day would be enough to erase any traces of her from his body.
"The day after tomorrow, without fail." Steven knew; he didn't question you. He placed a kiss on your forehead.
"I love you, Steven."
"I love you, sweetheart."
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Receiving calls or visits at midnight was always terrifying, especially when you knew your partner was constantly at risk, and this time was no exception.
The strong knocks on the door woke you up, and knowing it could be no one else but him, you opened the door without hesitation. Clad only in Steven's shirt that barely covered your thighs, with messy hair and half-closed eyes because the hallway light bothered you in the darkness.
Marc's tearful eyes met yours, along with the strong aroma of whiskey that Steven had told you about before, the one that stung his nose.
"Are you okay?" It was the first thing you said as he analyzed you from head to toe. He hated you, hated that you looked so good in the middle of the night, and hated that he felt a sense of ownership just from seeing you in a shirt that was originally his.
He didn't answer, he walked straight into your apartment, and you could only step aside to let him pass.
The way he walked past the sofas to sit on the floor was frightening; you had spent time with Marc during bad moments, but you had never seen him like this. You didn't say anything, didn't press, you just walked behind him and sat down beside him on the cold floor.
Your mere presence was enough for his eyes to fill with tears again.
"I didn't know where to go," he whispered, breaking your heart into a thousand pieces with just a few words.
"Oh, Marc." You knelt beside him to have better access to his body, and within seconds, you had your arms wrapped around him, holding him close. "I'm here, calm down."
You didn't get more words from him for a while, just sobs and those annoying chest contractions you get when you try to breathe through crying. You could even feel the fabric of your shirt damp at the shoulder level from his tears.
"I'm scared." His voice was broken, trembling.
"I'm here." You repeated as you held him tighter.
He didn't have the strength to tell you. He was afraid of you. Afraid of the dreams where he saw himself with you, afraid of the way his heart raced the few times you crossed paths, afraid of losing Layla because of his feelings, and afraid of change.
He was terrified of the mere idea of his life changing completely again.
You played with his curls and stayed on your knees until they hurt, with him in your arms whimpering like a little kid.
"Let's go to bed, Marc." He didn't resist, and you led him by the hand.
Nor did he object when you helped him get rid of his clothes just so he could sleep a little better. He almost felt guilty about how comfortable he seemed to be in your bed.
You hugged him from behind, your two hands resting on his chest where you could feel the beating of his heart and the rise and fall of his breath. Your cheek enjoyed the warmth of his back.
When you woke up, there were no traces of Marc anymore.
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"Meanwhile, Osiris' wife, Isis, searched tirelessly for his body and then…" The way you were looking at the ground while walking had caught Steven's attention for quite a while, but he didn't confirm his suspicions until he noticed you weren't participating in his narration as you always used to do. "Lovey?"
"Huh?"
"You seem distracted today."
"I'm sorry, I, it's just…" You cleared your throat while forcing a small smile on your face.
"Do you like it here?" He interrupted to finally point out an area in the park that seemed perfect for your plan. You immediately nodded with that fake smile, and both of you sat down carefully on the grass. You placed the book you had been carrying in one hand aside.
Steven handed you your ice cream and kept his own in the other hand.
"Can we talk?"
"Nothing good ever comes out of that, I've seen it in movies." Steven tried to joke, but hearing those words come out of your mouth made him sick to his stomach. Slowly, he rested his head on your lap.
Your hand, as if drawn by a magnet, went straight to his tousled curls. He closed his eyes and smiled; you had always compared that gesture to a puppy seeking more affection.
"We can't keep doing this to Marc, love." Your voice broke as you gave him those caresses he loved so much. "Nor to Layla, it's not fair to them."
Steven was looking at you again, with a terrified expression and a slight pout on his lips.
"And is it fair to us?" he snapped. Needless to say, both of you had long stopped paying attention to your sad ice creams; they were already melting into the grass.
"If Layla finds out, we'll ruin Marc's life." You tried to be the rational one between both of you, but with Steven's puppy eyes fixed on you, it was almost impossible to think clearly.
"And if we end… this, mine will be destroyed." Well, he had a point. "Please." His two hands went to your cheeks and pressed them gently, his forehead now resting against yours. "We can't. You can't." His lips claimed yours within seconds, and you could only respond as if life were slipping away.
Whom were you fooling? You were selfish enough to give in. After all, every night you created scenarios where Layla found out and left Marc, knowing that it would destroy him, but in your scenarios, you were there to comfort him, to prevent him from falling apart.
"I love you, Steven." You didn't get a response, but you didn't need to hear it; feeling the strength with which he held you was more than enough.
You were all he had, and he was all you had.
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Life was better when you both pretended to have a life that wasn't yours. When you fantasized and made plans for a future you would both do anything to have.
"What do you think of that one?" You both looked like kids with your foreheads pressed against the glass that separated you from the kittens.
"They say the orange ones are crazy, lovey." The fact that Steven was just as interested as you in this fed your good mood entirely. "How about that one?"
"I like his or her fur." You pressed your index finger against the glass to try to get the attention of the kitty that was completely distracted playing with another.
"Love, love, love." He nudged you with his shoulder, making you laugh, so you looked at the opposite side, another part of the store.
You gasped.
"THAT ONE?" You had to cover your mouth when the tone of your voice caught the attention of other people in the place.
There was only one cat in the area reserved for senior cats. You knew it was harder for them to get adopted compared to the kittens, it was as if he was destined to be there.
"It's just a baby." You pouted slightly as you pulled Steven's hand, both walking straight towards the spot where the little cat was staring at you.
He was white, although half of his body was covered in black spots, reminiscent of a cow's fur. When you got closer, you noticed that the tip of one of his ears was missing.
Love at first sight.
"Hiya, mate." The guy next to you was as enchanted as you with the animal. "Uhm, what do you say?" He tilted his head towards the glass. The meow completed his performance. "Look how curious, he says he's looking for new parents."
You laughed, genuine happiness coursing through you. You didn't give Steven time to react before jumping into his arms; he lifted you a few inches off the ground in the middle of the hug.
You didn't care about drawing attention. In fact, having witnesses to your love made it feel more real, reminding you that it wasn't just a product of your imagination.
After he kissed your lips, you could feel the ground under your feet again. You couldn't stop smiling.
"Come on, let's fill out the form." Steven's heart was about to burst with love at any moment.
The instructions were clear: fill out the corresponding paperwork, a few days of socialization with the cat to make sure he felt comfortable with you, and by the following week, he would be yours.
"We'll come to see you, okay? And then we'll go home."
"See ya, buddy." Steven said his goodbye too. "Next week, you'll have the best home, the comfiest bed, and the best parents, I promise."
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"What's wrong, Marc?" There was something scary about the idea of being alone with him without him being intoxicated or injured. You were taking off your scarf to leave it on a sofa while he watched you from his table, leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest.
It was impossible to read his expression because Marc always seemed tense.
"She knows."
Your heart sank in seconds, and you looked at him in surprise.
"Ah?"
"She knows," he repeated. You swallowed hard, and for a moment, you thought this was one of those silly dreams that sometimes distorted your reality.
"Knows what?"
"Please, don't treat me like I'm stupid." His tone of voice was enough to make you tremble. You immediately looked at the bathroom mirror.
Steven had told you that while one had control of the body, the other could be reflected in different surfaces, but of course, that only worked between them. No matter how much you looked, hoping that Steven would appear to save you, it didn't happen.
You didn't even know if he was aware of what Marc was doing.
"I don't…" Your voice died down slowly, and you refused to get closer to him. "What does she know?"
"About you." He took a step closer, and you felt immobilized. "She thinks you're my lover, like any sane person, she knows nothing about Steven."
You swallowed the lump in your throat as tears filled your eyes.
"You have to tell her, Marc, explain to her she…" He interrupted you in seconds; the way he raised his voice made you flinch.
"'She will understand?' Is that what you want to say?" He was getting closer, and you felt like he was taking your breath away. Why were you suddenly so afraid? "Yes, I'll tell her every damn thing that's wrong with me so that you can be happy."
Ouch.
"I-I'm saying it for you, Marc." Tears were already streaming down your face, and you mentally cursed yourself for the mere idea of showing so much weakness. "She has to know, it's best for you." And it was, of course, but you were resorting to your last resort to not lose Steven too.
And maybe, not lose Marc either.
"You don't know what's best for me, you have no idea." His sarcasm cut deep as he took the last step to confront you.
"Please, please, don't do this." You pleaded through sobs; your hands ended up on his cheeks. "Please." You pulled him closer to you.
He seemed to relax under your touch, at least for a few seconds. Your heart stopped when one of his hands rested on your waist.
"Don't make this harder, you're killing me." He was also begging, even as his forehead pressed against yours.
"We can get through this, Marc." You sniffed. "I promise, we can…"
A kiss. A desperate and painful kiss silenced your words; it was the only one Marc and you would share.
"Go," he whispered against your lips, still planting small kisses on them. "Please, I beg you, go."
And that was the final nail to seal the coffin between you both.
His hand made you take a step back, a very gentle push.
"I'm choosing her." He knew you better than he'd like, knowing that you wouldn't stop insisting unless he caused you permanent harm. Besides, how could he convince himself he wasn't in love with you if he didn't do this?
You looked at him incredulously, not believing his act, but there was nothing else you could do.
This time, you begged that Steven was present to hear everything that had transpired between you both because you wouldn't have the strength to end it after this. In fact, you didn't even know if you'd have the strength to live without him.
You didn't say anything more, you didn't look back at him, and he didn't change his mind. You left his apartment, leaving your scarf on his sofa as a final reminder of your presence in his life.
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sorry, i got tired of happy endings
Part 2. Sleepwalking.
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ohh i love your works smmm <3 can i request more loser ellie hc? fluff & nsfw <333
Headcannons: loser!ellie x reader
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Part 1 Part 2
Sfw:
☆ Loser Ellie who took you stargazing on the second date.
There was no cloud in the sky as the two of you lay on the soft pink blanket Ellie brought. You were amazed by the stars, and Ellie was amazed by your beauty. She could stare at you for hours.
Ellie was lost in a trance before she heard your voice “what are you looking at?”
Ellie’s throat went dry. Her cheeks tinted pink, she’s been fucking caught.
“the air” she lied all you did was shake your head.
☆ Loser Ellie who refused to touch you because she was so shy. Even holding your hand scared her.
☆ Loser Ellie who had multiple accounts to stalk you because she was afraid that you might think she was weird for watching you every move.
☆ Loser Ellie who was too scared to make a move, and in the process she was pushing you away.
☆ Loser Ellie who didn’t touch you, who didn’t make eye contact with you and you truly felt unwanted.
☆ Loser Ellie who went to your house one night when she saw a picture of you kissing someone else.
She knocked on your front door. She was confused. Angry. Sad. Jealous.
The door opened and there you stood in all your glory.
“What the fuck do you want Ellie?” you asked with a huff.
Ellie’s gaze fell to the floor before she spoke in a whisper “who was she?”
“what?” you questioned
“who was she? The girl you kissed”
“that has nothing to do with you”
Ellie made eye contact with you for the first time in a long time
“it fucking does. We- i- I thought we had something”
“We have fucking nothing Ellie” you replied harshly
“you make me feel unwanted, and so I moved one”
You watched Ellie turn around to walk away and before you closed the door, she ran back to you, grabbing your face for a kiss.
She pulled away looking at you with wide eyes “I’m sorry” was all she said before she ran away.
☆ Loser Ellie who ignored your calls and texts.
☆ Loser Ellie who buys you things that she thinks you would like and she just kept it in her room hoping she’d get the guts to face you again.
☆ Loser Ellie who wrote you letter but she never sent them to you.
☆ Loser Ellie who tries not to cry when she sees pictures of you and other people.
☆ Loser Ellie who has a photo album dedicated to pictures that she thinks you would like. It was a collection of flowers, stuffed animals, memes just things that reminded her of you.
☆ Loser Ellie who loses her shit when she can’t find the letter she wrote you.
“Dina where’s the letters?” she yelled as she threw her clothes from her closet onto the floor.
“I gave it to her”
“what?”
“Ellie-“Dina sighed “you’re losing your fucking mind because of her, I had to do something”
☆ Loser Ellie who wasn’t even mad because you arrived at her apartment.
Before you could even open your mouth Ellie confessed:
“I’m in love with you”
you chuckled at her confession “I know els I read the letters”
And just like that you kissed her. It was a real kiss. Ellie didn’t want you to pull away but you had to tell her something
“in one of the letters you said that I’m the light in your life, that was very poetic” Ellie blushed before she replied
“yeah you are, but can I kiss you again?”
☆ Loser Ellie who asked you to be her girlfriend the next day with a poster because she couldn’t ask you the question.
☆ Loser Ellie who started punching the air when you said yes forgetting you were there. She was very embarrassed afterwards.
☆ Loser Ellie whose palms were so sweaty the first time you held her hand that you kept wiping your hands off.
☆ Loser Ellie who gains more confidence while being with you.
☆ Loser Ellie who has polaroids of you all over her room.
☆ Loser Ellie who has one of your sweaters that she sleeps with every night because she missed you and she was too scared to ask if you wanted to come over.
☆ Loser Ellie who waits at her phone for you to respond.
☆ Loser Ellie who doesn’t always text first because she doesn’t to annoy you.
☆ Loser Ellie who paints her nails your favorite color.
☆ Loser Ellie who secretly gets your initial tattooed behind her ear.
☆ Loser Ellie who buys you both matching outfits, bracelets, shoes, literally she wants to match everything with you.
nsfw:
☆ Loser Ellie who almost combusts when you wore lingerie for the first time.
“holy shit” she breathed when you walked out the bathroom.
“you like it?” you asked with a shy smile.
“I fucking love it, now come fuck me”
☆ Loser Ellie who’s a switch.
☆ Loser Ellie who likes when you ride her because she gets to suck your tits.
☆ Loser Ellie who loves it when she can leave hickeys on you (especially between your thighs)
☆ Loser Ellie who gets most of her pleasure from giving you pleasure.
☆ Loser Ellie who sucks your fingers after you made her cum multiple times.
☆ Loser Ellie who can stay hours in between your legs.
☆ Loser Ellie who’s scared to try new things.
“I want to try something new” she spoke one afternoon
“what?”
Suddenly Ellie went quiet. Should she really ask you?
“i- um- if you d-don’t want to its ok”
“Ellie talk”
“sit on my face please?”
☆ Loser Ellie who like it when you sit on her face. She could die this way honestly, being suffocated by you.
☆ Loser Ellie who keeps your underwear, and she has a whole collection.
☆ Loser Ellie who buys lingerie for you because she’d always imagine how’d you look wearing them.
☆ Loser Ellie who keeps the nudes you send her. She has a special folder.
☆ Loser Ellie who has polaroid’s of you in underwear that she uses to get off.
☆ Loser Ellie who gets turned on when you breathe, so she’s constantly ready to pounce on you when you give her the chance.
☆ Loser Ellie who can never get tired of you.
☆ Loser Ellie who wished she’d met you earlier
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thethingsweneversaid · 9 months
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Am I crazy or did I just crack the mystery of the monologue scene????
Why did they lose against Vecna in season 4? What were they missing?
They lost the race against time. Time was obviously significant this season (The grandfather clock, Vecna's obsession with time, the UD being frozen in time). The time was simply up, they were too late. Who’s to blame? Mike Wheeler. 
Okay, let me explain, haha.
Throughout the whole series we all know Mike being late, or almost late to things is recurring. Every season in fact. S1: Mike’s campaign was too long, and he tried to get the party to stay past their curfew. S2: Mike was trying to get in contact with El on his walkie, almost making him late to the arcade. S3: Mike was almost late to the cinema because he was with El, making them almost miss the beginning of the movie. S4: Mike was reading El’s letter, almost making him and Nancy late for school... He begins every season with a race against time. Also worth noting that El was the reason for him being late in s2, s3 and s4. Also ALSO worth noting that in season 1, Mike begs his parents to let the party stay longer. The campaign took two weeks to plan! They need to finish it. He has no rush. While in all the other seasons (when he was late because of El), we get a "Shit! Shit! I'm going to be late"-version of Mike. He's stressed out and rushed. Not sure where I'm going with this last point, but I'm sure it means something and that it'll make sense in s5. The point is, Mike gets distracted by El.
Now for the monologue. This time, it's not Mike getting distracted by El. It's him distracting El.
Jason was obviously a key reason for them being too late as well. The scenes switch between Lucas fighting him and Mike’s monologue, comparing the two. Jason destroys Max’s walkman, destroying her connection to Lucas and the world outside her mind. Mike tries to get El to wake up by lifting her out of the freezer, taking off her glasses, Will shoves the radio away. They’re trying to get her out of Max’s mind and into the real world again. But El doesn't want to wake up. She is ready to fight for Max. The boys obviously tried to help because who knows what would’ve happened if they didn’t? They thought El was dying. When Mike begins his monologue, El looked away from Max and up “towards Mike’s voice”. She was listening to him now. Getting distracted. El continuously tells people throughout the series to be quiet when going into her “trance”. People talking distracts her, and she needs to concentrate. Mike also reminds the audience of the importance of the sensory deprivation tank. "It helps her calm down and focus on her powers". With Mike removing all the aids that help her concentrate (the glasses, the tank, the radio), while also talking to her, we can only assume that now, El isn’t only fighting to save Max, but also to stay in Max’s mind, further slowing her down.
At the end of the monologue, Mike reminds her she has to fight, and El’s eyes snap back to Max. That’s when she breaks loose from the vines. Whether you think El believes what Mike is saying and utilizes his loving words for strength or not, it’s still a distraction. I’ve seen a lot of people say that they felt impatient while watching this scene. Like «get on with it! Vecna is literally killing Max RIGHT NOW». And we're probably right to feel impatient! That's probably what the writers were going for! The audience was supposed to feel like that. El lost valuable time because of it. Mike is making them late this time too.
Will is also kinda to blame in this (I don't blame any of them, it's just an unfortunate set of events and they all did what they thought was best, but you get what I mean) Because in a way, Mike is distracted too. Distracted from the truth. That happened when Will lied to him in the van, disguising his own feelings for Mike, using El as a distraction for Mike to focus on instead. Will's guiding Mike towards a lie. He convinced Mike that El was feeling a certain way, which she WAS NOT. (For example: "You make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all, like she’s better for being different." cue Mike and El’s fight where she accuses him of thinking she’s a monster too, like everyone else.) (This also contrasts Will singling Mike out as the only person that doesn't treat him differently in season 2 in that scene with Will and Jonathan.) Mike doesn’t make El feel the way Will portrayed it in the van, though Mike is led to believe that she does.
Therefore, making the feelings that was the foundation for the monologue a lie. Both to Mike and El. It isn’t authentic. This doesn't apply to them. which brings me to my next point. 
 "A paladin swears to uphold justice and righteousness, to stand with the good things of the world against the encroaching darkness, and to hunt the forces of evil wherever they lurk. Different paladins focus on various aspects of the cause of righteousness (honesty=righteousness and honor for Mike), but all are bound by the oaths (promises, “friends don’t lie”) that grant them power to do their sacred work. Oaths, honor, and rigid rules define a paladin's everyday actions. Breaking these oaths (by lying) means their deity will revoke their powers."
This is why his monologue didn’t work. It was a lie (And Mike knowingly or unknowingly portrayed that lie to El). Without his honesty, Mike the paladin loses his powers. He couldn’t save them. 
Will’s selfless attempt to save their relationship sadly turned out to be counter-productive in every way, hindering all of them from seeing the truth. Will was also the one that told Mike not to stop, when in reality, maybe stopping and letting El be was exactly what he should've done. He's the heart. But he's Will's heart. That's what Will would've wanted Mike to do, seeing as Mike has saved him/snapped him out of his episodes multiple times by speaking to him: Of course Will thinks that's the right thing to do! Mike's doing what Will would've needed, not El.
It adds a new layer to El being upset with Mike in the cabin by the end of s4, because it isn't as simple as "she knows Mike is lying" or "She's just upset because they lost". She's upset because once again Mike doesn't trust that she knows her own limits (This being a huge reason for conflict in s3 between El/Mike/Max.) Mike worries because he cares of course, but it isn't what El needs ("Mike, I need you to trust me.") When Mike tries to help her, she fails. But she "redeems herself" when she's making her own decision, without outside influences other than love for her friends. She pushes her limits further than ever before, bringing Max back to life, trusting herself and her powers, without Mike knowing.
Mike is the heart, yes. The problem was - the heart was in the wrong place. They all got it wrong this time. They got confused and misunderstood each other. That’s why they lost. In the next season, I believe Mike and El are going to realize that they’ve both been focusing on the wrong things, and that is how they’re going to win. Still using love as their weapon - just a different kind of love that’s not distracting them from what they really need, not slowing them down. El coming fully into her own, reaching her full potential and using her powers the way she knows best, with the support of her loved ones making her stronger - not under the influence of Mike trying to stop her out of worry. And Mike’s heart being in the right place. With Will. 
I've seen other people talk about this next part, but I'm adding it in because it further proves the point.
Another indication that proves to me that at least SOME of the monologue is a blatant lie is the Romeo and Juliet parallel, with the word "Montague" spelled out behind Mike, and the "love at first sight"-refrence. "I knew right then and there, in that moment, that I loved you." That. is. a. lie. and there's just no going around it. Romeo and Juliet's romance wasn't actually real love, just infatuation. The Duffers also said they don't believe in love at first sight. For them to use that trope wouldn't just be wierd and cliché, but also contradicts everything we were shown in season 1. Are we just supposed to believe that Mike loved her, decpite them showing us otherwise?
More on the Romeo and Juliet thing in this post.
Conclusion: The Duffers are geniuses I’m never getting over this show.
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nowmemoriees · 2 years
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MIKE'S UNSENT LETTER TO WILL
i wasn't a firm believer of the "Mike carries a letter for Will" theory until I combined four different official hints: Music, Costume Designing, ST Social Media and the show parallels.
This theory came from the first hint: costume designing.
It's been pointed out that Mike's side pocket seems kinda.. weird. (Seems like there was some piece of paper inside of it).
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This pocket was interesting even before the unsent letter theory, because many people pointed out that the grey piece looks like an arrow pointing to Mike's left, which is curious because we can see Will standing on Mike's left in suspicious scenes like this.
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This pocket was mentioned again by Finn just a few days ago in the latest con. 👀
But, this is not part of the letter theory, so let's keep moving. Now let's find the context.
First of all, let's position here.
In season four, letters are probably one of the most relevant topic of the season. They're always brought up. They're meaningful. (El's letter, Jonathan's admission letter, Max's letters) Letters, Letters and more Letters.
So, it wouldn't be surprising if we had another hidden letter too, right?
Now, to go deeper, let's go back to season 3 ending.
First, we have Mike realizing his feelings for Will. (Too late for him, because now Will was moving across the country)
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Then we have, surprise, another letter. Probably one of the most important letters in the show.
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Hopper's letter. A letter where he tells El how he is feeling about all the recent changes.
But, somehow, this letter not only relates to Hop or El. We've been shown that Hopper's voiceover focuses on Mike at some specific phrases.
"Feelings. Jesus. The truth is, for so long I forgotten what those even were" - FOCUSES ON MIKE AND WILL HUG
"I guess I've been feeling distant from you. Like you're pulling away from me or something" - Focuses on Mike watching the Byers leaving.
"And I guess, If i'm being really honest, that' what scares me. I don't want things to change" - Focuses on Mike turning back to see the empty byers house for the last time, then focuses on Will crying.
"So I think maybe that's why I came in here. To try to maybe, stop that change. To turn back the clock, to make things go back to how they were" - Focuses on Mike hugging his mum, almost in tears. (Which also parallels the scene where he cries because he thought Will was d3ad)
Hopper's letter was not only the main hinter to Mike's feelings. It was also the beginning of some other meaningful letters in the show.
Now, let's focus on this detail before moving back to season 4. Second hint: parallels.
When Hopper wrote this letter, he never gave it to El. He never read it. He just hid it, he kept it on.. oh, his left pocket. Well, it could be just a coincidence, right?
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But then, moving forward to season 4, again, we have another "hidden" letter.
Jonathan lies to Nancy about this letter, he says he never received it. But he has it. He hides it. Where does he hide the letter? Oh... his left pocket.
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It wouldn't surprise me if there's another hidden letter on a left side pocket (cof cof, Mike's)
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Well, now let's go to our third hint: Music.
We know background music is maybe one of the most important ways to send a message in this show.
We've been told about this by the writers. Music is carefully selected.
Then, I found this post on instagram (from @sagebyers on tumblr)
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Mike nods. He understands what Will is saying on the heart to heart scene.
"Its scary to open up like that, especially to people you care about the most, because what if they don't like the truth?". Oh, have you got some hidden feelings there Michael? That phrase really got into your heart.
Yesterday, @emily-tumbles-on pointed out that El said, through her letter, that Will may like someone, so he has been acting weird. But the one who has been acting really, really weird this season was Mike.
This is related to his internal struggle. To his internal jealousy, too. But, could it also be about him trying to find the perfect moment to give Will that letter?
Finally, the fourth hint. Social media spoilers, maybe?
We've been hinted about the existence of, probably, another letter.
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I believe this could be THE letter from Mike to Will. It couldn't be one of Max's letters, because what we are shown here is the date when Will went missing. So, it may be a letter for him. It must be. A letter signed with "Love, ...."
A letter that's probably about untold fellings "you mean so... / sorry I couldn't get this done.../" makes sense after Mike's realization. Right?
ok im editing this 3 days later cause we have some more hints already, i'll probably keep adding info.
- birthday letter? reblog
ok so now I've read a lot of your theories talking about the fact that the duffer bros may have actually INTENTIONALLY forgotten about Will's birthday, so it's an interesting point to add here because this letter could be a birthday one. It would make so much sense and also it would show us that Mike didn't really forget about Will's birthday, he just felt so uncomfortable that day.
if thay's the case this is going to hit so hard because i'm suffering as a Will Byers stan rn.
- another addition: finn's mention about the pocket
- addition: a great analysis here by @willbylersheart
- another analysis by @vulvatar
- mike's unsent letter to will is from season 1? analysis by @doriandrifting
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i promise i'm not insane, i promise okay, but-
the fact that el is lying in her letters to mike to make herself seem more appealing is one of the verrrrry first things they set up in the whole season. that she is lying is an unquestionable fact, even if you're GA. it's so canon it's a key plotpoint in three characters' arcs.
but mike??? we don't know what he was writing in his letters to her, only that he signed them all "from, mike." but considering how he reacted to the revalation that she had been lying, i don't think he was also actively lying to her. he wouldn't have any real reason to anyway; el already knows firsthand what his life is like.
so el is shown to be lying about nearly everything she says in her letters. el is shown to be, specifically, telling mike the complete opposite of the truth and to be doing her best to keep those lies up even in person. el is the one signing her letters "love, el."
another interesting detail about el's lies is the fact that they aren't just minor alterations of the truth. she's failing math, but rather than telling mike she's better at something else she says it's her favourite. she's relentlessly bullied and ostracized, rather than saying she's met a couple of friends she says she has a lot. she's bullied by ANGELA, in particular, but in the world she creates in her letters to mike angela is a close friend!!! it's not just an escapist fantasy, it's a complete inversion of the truth. flipping it upside down.
mike isn't shown to be lying to her at all in his letters. in fact, the only thing he's indisputably confirmed to lie to her about in this season, so canonically that it's the basis of a whole scene, is that he's been saying he loves her. mike is the one signing his letters "from, mike."
el only tells mike she loves him through the lens of her letters and their fabricated dreamworld tailored to seem as appealing as possible. mike only tells her he loves her through the lens of will's painting and nameswapped confession.
the things el says in the voiceover of her letter go against the truth of the footage of her lenora life being shown onscreen at the same time. mike's claim that he loved her from the moment he saw her goes against the truth of the flashback that plays, of a scene where he was searching for will but stumbled across el instead.
'The First I love You' and 'The First Lie'. the correlation is so strong it seeps into the fucking soundtrack.
it can't even be brushed off as subtext!!! not when the tangled relationships between mike and el and love and lies were the entire focus of their relationship this season!!! denying the evidence would mean quite literally denying that the plot of the show is canon!!!
el lies about her life and feelings to seem more desirable. she signs every letter with "love, el."
mike lies about how he's proven he loves her in the past. when he tries to enforce the fact that he loves her in the present, he focuses on the past, trying to impress on her that "and i knew, right then and there, in that moment, that i loved you."
el wants to live a perfect, happy life, opposite to what she goes through in the real world. a life where she goes to parties at the roller rink. a life where her grades are good. a life where she's best friends with her popular bullies. a life where she has a boyfriend, and they're in love. she does whatever she can to maintain that fantasy, even trying to rope angela into it, but mike doesn't keep it up on his part. when he comes to visit, the dream world she's built is shattered. mike still can't say he loves her to her face, and she can't keep pretending. she signs her note to him "from, el."
mike has always been the guy with the plan. he knows love makes el's powers stronger. he's the leader, he's the heart, and when things go bad the only way they can still beat vecna is if el truly believes she's loved. she confronted him with how he's failed at proving it in the past, so he does her one better. he tells el he's loved her since the very beginning. it doesn't matter how he's failed to show it, because it's been true all along.
it's too late. the fantasy is broken, and el is done lying. max still dies, the gates still open, and days after his grand confession, el will barely look at him.
boyfriends lie, but friends don't.
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thefirstlioveyou · 4 months
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maybe this is more fanfic-y (and yes this ties with lettergate and that sus st writers tweet), but imagine s5 will walking in the woods, and he grows familar with where they’re at - near where castle byers was at.
he begins looking to find the destroyed pile of castle byers, just out of pure curiosity. he was expecting it to be all blown away by now from the cold and windy winter of 1985 he’d probably missed. but when he finds it… he finds it to be put together. well, not exactly how it was before - far from that. but, there was some sort of effort made by someone. couldn’t be just anyone. why would anyone care for something like this?
he gently rests a hand on the top, kneeling to sneak a peak inside, then falls an unsecure stick. his eyes following the stick, a bit buried, but noticable. he grabs it and opens it up.
the paper seems to have been crumbled before.
“dear will,
i’m sorry i hurt you like this. when you left, i couldn’t keep thinking about this. it felt like something wasn’t fixed. i never got to apologize for what i said that day when we were talking about el and the party, about how you don’t like girls. that was way out of line of me, and i didn’t mean it. i sounded just like the assholes that always bullied you i bet.
i guess i was just mad at myself. that whole summer, everything changed into something i didn’t like it. i was trying so hard to fit in with everyone else. lucas had max and maybe i just felt left out. did you ever feel like you were just trying to like things because people say you’re supposed to? i don’t like having a girlfriend. that makes me so weird, maybe crazy. but, i’m telling you this because you’re the only one that can accept my craziness, and because i lied to you and you deserve the truth - i can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s driving me crazy. i feel so wrong, i feel like i’m making a mistake. it should be el that makes me feel like this - any girl. but i don’t want a girlfriend, i don’t want to be popular, i don’t want things to change. i want to be with you playing dnd forever. i want you to be by my side forever. i don’t want to lose you like that again.
anyway i think you’ll like how i renovated castle byers. sorry i couldn’t get it done the way it probably was before, running on memory here. but you mean so much to me i just couldn’t not do anything and it’s been killing me just letting it be. hope this is gonna at least last until whenever you come back. winter’s gonna be strong this year.
love, mike”
will’s just… crying, shaking. he’s a jittery mess as his heart pounds from true happiness. he folds the letter and puts it in his pocket. he felt something had been repaired in his heart. it was at its fullest, had it not been in many, many years.
he sits inside the castle smiling to himself
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cacoetheswriting · 10 months
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pearl: october 1985
pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2.3k summary: rebuilding your friendship with eddie was easy. trying to remain just friends is hard, but how do you tell him that?
content warnings: best friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, suggestive & mature themes, adult language, use of pet names, idiots in love, emotional hurt / comfort, self-doubt / insecurities, reader has nightmares - if i missed anything, pls let me know!
pearl masterlist
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“Anything you need, you just call me, okay?” You say to the young girl, “No matter the time of day, no matter where you are or if you think you’ll be interrupting me, just call.”
“Thanks.” Eleven mutters and does her best to offer you a smile.
“You and I, we gotta stick together, El.” You pull her in for a short lived hug. “Only we know what this feels like and we gotta support each other.”
“I’ll call you. I promise,” she assures before walking over to say goodbye to her friends.
By the time the Byers’ house is empty, boxes and bags packed into the car, everyone is crying. There’s some more hugs and you watch them drive off, holding onto Nancy. Once the car is out of sight, Steve asks you both to come over, hang out with him and Robin for a bit. It’s a request you politely decline. Going through a rollercoaster of emotions this afternoon, there was only one place you truly wanted to be.
Things between Eddie and you were pretty much back to normal. Ever since the incident at Starcourt Mall, you two were inseparable. Everywhere you went, there the metalhead followed — as if he was afraid something would happen if you were apart.
Eddie only ever left you alone to sleep, but even then it was only a couple of nights a week. Convincing him to stay with you wasn’t hard, convincing him to share a bed with you was even easier, and having Eddie by your side most nights helped you not only fall asleep but also stay asleep.
The horrible dreams you had earlier this year of the Demodogs, as described to you by the kids, were nothing compared to the nightmares you had been having ever since the events from the start of July. Witnessing the horrors of the Upside Down first hand… no one could have prepared you for that. And now, almost every single night, you woke up panting or actually screaming.
The first time you had a nightmare around Eddie, you borderline gave him a heart attack. The poor boy jumped out of bed, ready to tackle whatever intruder he perceived had broken into your bedroom. What he found instead was you, sitting hunched over in your bed with tears streaming down your face.
To this day, you hadn't told the metalhead what actually happened the night of the 4th of July. You decided along with the rest of the group that it was better he didn’t know the truth. Not only was this your way of protecting him, you figured even if you did try to explain, Eddie probably wouldn’t believe you. 
So you lied and said you’d been having nightmares ever since your dad died and he was kind enough not to press on the matter further.
Life with Eddie was easy, it always had been. Aside from your persistent nightmares, you quickly slipped back into your best friend dynamic and the remainder of the summer was uneventful. Only your feelings for him grew stronger. Past the platonic mark you were hovering over when you left for college; when you first kissed him.
You didn’t know how to tell him or if you should say anything in the first place. After all, you just got your friendship back to what it used to be and you sure as hell weren’t going to be the one to jeopardise that. He had the letters. He read them. There was nothing more to it.
But Eddie Munson never made anything easy for you. With his lingering touches, heartwarming stares. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he still loved you too.
And you say “still” because, even though the metalhead never admitted it out loud, you’re ninety-nine percent sure he once did — if the kiss you shared was any indication, however contrived it may have been, under the circumstances. 
“Say your goodbyes?” Eddie asks when you appear in his room. He’s sitting on his bed, legs spread out in front of him and a copy of Lord of the Rings in his hands. He sets the book to the side when you plop next to him, head instantly attaching itself to his shoulder like a magnet.
“Yeah,” you exhale, “I hate goodbyes.”
“Me too,” he mutters as he intertwines his fingers with yours. “But this time it’s for the best, you know? The girl needs to get away for a while. Honestly, I didn’t even know Hopper had a kid and then for him to just die in that fire, leaving her all alone—”
Eddie bites his tongue and glances down at you. “Let’s talk about something else,” he offers and you meet his gaze.
“Like what?”
He licks his lips, pondering the question for a moment. You can’t help but to avert your gaze to where his tongue pressed against his pretty mouth. A certain warm feeling settles in your core as you wonder what it would be like to kiss him.
“How about I read to you?”
You raise an eyebrow, but the metalhead doesn’t wait for your protest — not like he would’ve gotten one anyway. He reaches for the novel he previously set aside and opens to the desired page. He clears his throat while you settle your head back on his shoulder, patiently waiting for him to start.
“Beautiful she is, sir! Lovely! Sometimes like a great tree in flower, sometimes like a white daffadowndilly, small and slender like.” Eddie enunciates, the tone of his voice completely intoxicating.
“Hard as di’monds, soft as moonlight. Warm as sunlight, cold as frost in the stars. Proud and far-off as a snow-mountain, and as merry as any lass I ever saw with daisies in her hair in springtime…”
Every word that spills from his lips is like honey and you’re completely hooked.
“It strikes me that folk takes their peril with them into Lorien, and finds it there because they’ve brought it. But perhaps you could call her perilous, because she’s so strong in herself.”
Eddie pauses. You can sense him shift in his position ever so slightly to look at you, so you look up to meet his doe eyes, a smile creeping up on your features.
“Why did you stop? Keep going.”
He licks his lips although doesn’t say what’s on his mind. Instead, he continues with the book like you ask. “You, you could dash yourself to pieces on her, like a ship on a rock; or drownd yourself, like a hobbit in a river.”
And as he reads, you start to zone out. You can feel yourself drift away. The soothing sound of his voice is putting you to sleep, but just as your eyes are about to close, you hear something.
“But neither rock nor river would be to blame—”
You press your index finger to Eddie’s mouth, getting him to stop. He’s clearly puzzled, quickly taking it in his hand, moving it to the side, only so slightly since the sensation of your skin against his lips makes his heart skip a beat. But he doesn’t dwell on the feeling, afraid to ruin things when they’ve just gotten good, instead shooting you a quizzical look.
“Thought you wanted me to keep going, princess.”
You ignore him. “Can you hear that?”
Eddie’s silent for a split second. Then he says, “Oh, that’s just Wayne. He must have the radio on.”
“Yeah, obviously. I’m talking about the song that’s playing.”
The two of you shift your attention to the door separating Eddie’s bedroom from the remainder of the trailer, though still holding onto one another in some way. The physical touch making up for time lost, you tell yourself, but the reason is clearly much different.
Now that you’re both completely quiet, the unmistakable voice of Janis Joplin seeps in through the small crack. ‘From the Kentucky coal mine to the California sun. There Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.’
You look back at each other almost in an instant and Eddie chuckles, your own giggle follows shortly after. Lighthearted and pure. The situation isn’t necessarily funny, but in this moment, you are both so happy to simply be around each other, the laughter engulfs you whole. And as you’re laughing, you’re inclining even closer to one another.
Then the laughter dies down.
Eddie’s cupping your cheek while your fingers wrap around his wrist, holding him in place. His nose slides down the side of yours and his lips are inches away as they part. Yet it’s not until his hot breath sends a shiver down your spine that you realise what’s about to happen, and more importantly, how much you want it. You’re practically aching with anticipation.
Eddie’s got this look in his eyes, dark and needy. His pupils dilate the longer he stares and it makes you think he wants you too, desperately. You inhale softly, mind racing ‘cause this is a line that you only crossed once back in November and ever since then, you’ve been dancing around the topic, unspoken, untouched. Crossing it again had many possible outcomes — all equally terrifying and exhilarating.
His gaze drops to your lips and your heart flutters in your chest.
“Can I kiss you?”
It’s a whisper, but you hear it as loud as screaming. The question rattles through every fibre of your being and you nod, once, twice. Slow and steady, as you open your mouth to give him a verbal answer.
But before you get a chance, there’s a knock on Eddie’s bedroom door and he drops his hand from your face instantly before pulling away. He clears his throat and suddenly you’re hyper-aware of your surroundings ‘cause he slides off the bed completely avoiding eye contact, completely avoiding the question he’s just asked.
“Yeah?” Eddie calls out, getting up on his feet.
Wayne bops his head in, not fully opening the door. He glances between the two of you, a knowing smirk circling his moustache-covered lips, before his eyes settle on his nephew.
“Headin’ out for a little while. Need anythin’?”
Eddie says no, answering for the two of you. Wayne nods his head and following a swift goodbye, telling you both to be good, he disappears just as fast as he made his appearance. Door closing with a gentle thud.
An awkward silence settles in the air once you are alone with the metalhead again. 
Eddie scratches the back of his neck, gaze settling on the hem of your skirt, where the material ends and your bare leg starts. He swallows his breath, Adam’s apple bobbing. You watch your best friend attentively, afraid of being the first one that speaks. Afraid of asking what’s on his mind, if he wants to continue what you both started before you were unexpectedly interrupted.
That’s not to say the metalhead also wasn’t spinning out, ‘cause he most definitely was. His quiet demeanour was specifically to cover up the fact that he didn’t know what to say now that the moment was gone. 'Cause it was gone... right?
Can I kiss you?, his earlier question rattles inside his brain. Eddie thinks you would’ve said yes, after all, you were nodding. But if he asked again now, would you still want to do it? Would you let him kiss you?
Jesus, why was he so bad at this.
“Uhm,” he sighs, leaning against the edge of his desk. “I-I… Fuck, princess, I-I don’t want to do anything to ruin what we just got back.”
He finally looks up to meet your gaze. “I really, really don’t.”
“I don’t either, Eds.” You say to him and hope he can detect the honesty in your voice, knees now pressed to your chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. “We lost a lot of time.”
“That we did,” he agrees.
“I feel guilty about it.”
“Me too.”
He stares at you, brown-eyes full of sorrow. Your heart aches at the sad, puppy-dog face he’s sporting. All you want is to reach for him, but you’re frozen in place. Glued to the bed, holding your own limbs. And it’s moments like these that make you want to take back everything that’s happened this last year. The kiss, the fight, the months of not speaking. Take back the things that have now become topics you haven’t really talked about. Topics that you both brushed over, then brushed under the carpet.
You know it’s bad to hold shit in, but avoidance has been a third-party in your friendship with Eddie pretty much from day one.
“So, what do you wanna do, princess?” Eddie asks, hopeful.
“We can just take it day by day, I guess. I mean, I know how I feel about you,” you answer honestly, “I also know that it’s a scary world out there and I’d rather have you as just a friend than nothing at all.”
A smile breaks through the brunette’s features. He stumbles forward, settling back on the bed next to you with a small bounce. He reaches for your hand, forcing his fingers between your knuckles and squeezing gently. You tilt your head and he matches your movements, pretty eyes meeting yours.
“I know how I feel about you too, princess.”
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pearl masterlist
& tagging some cool people that expressed interest in this lil series: @cactusangie , @spenciesprincess , @capitanostella , @ashlynnkennedy , @ms1oftheboys
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gayofthefae · 4 months
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Thinking about the idea that Mike did call and the specific phrasing of "that's just not true".
"It seems like you've made it super you don't care about anything I have to say." "That's just not true."
To me, "that's just not true" is almost like, even surrounded by frantic lies and defensiveness, "That's bullshit. Come on, you can bring up stuff I did but don't LIE to get your point across. Have not. I don't even believe that you think that." It doesn't feel like him defending himself it feels more like him...throwing out Will's point? If that makes sense? Like the rest of it is "that's not true! I totally care! We're friends!" But something about the specific phrasing of "that's just not true" is very "okay, come on, now, I'm not even gonna dignify that one with a response. We both know that's bullshit."
But then Will goes into "you called maybe a couple of times" and maybe Mike would have defended himself there...but then he says "meanwhile El has like a book of letters from you"...and now he's comparing himself to El. And THAT is the sensitive territory. THAT is the line he can't cross into.
Maybe Mike would have said "You called maybe a couple of times" "I called constantly, YOU never picked up the phone!" But instead he defended "there are NO similarities between my relationship with El and my relationship with you" because to him, the question became "why do you treat me and El differently" and he felt the need to lie "because you are different to me!" rather than the truth, "I don't".
Because that's too close to a confession if you look at it too closely. In the moment, it might help Will know what he needs to and resolve things, but if Will ever dares to look back in that conversation, he'll remember Mike saying "You are the same as El to me" and Mike wasn't willing to take that risk.
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I'm about to ramble like I've never rambled before.
Season five is going to have the most well executed displays of affection and romantic moments not only because byler will be happening but also because this show has always been about LOVE. Love has been constant throughout the entire show. It's always been about love saving the day. Which is why we see what happens when love is unwavering. When it's hidden. When it's suppressed. We see the consequences of believing there is a "right way" to love. We see the consequences of performing love. And we see the rewards of just loving. No matter what other people say. No matter if people think you're crazy. If you love someone you fight for them even when everyone tells you it's wrong. Or that you shouldn't. Or that you should give up.
That is most prevalent in season one and two.
In season one the whole town thinks Joyce is crazy. But she says it herself "Maybe I'm crazy! Maybe I'm out of my mind! But god help me I will keep these lights up until the day I die if I think there's a chance that Will is still out there!" Jonathan and Nancy team up to kill the demogorgon because they love Will and Barb respectively. Mike, Lucas, and Dustin continue to search for Will even when it will get them in trouble. Even when it's dangerous. Even when everyone believes he's dead. They keep searching and they keep fighting because they love him.
In season two Joyce, Jonathan, and Mike do not stop trying to reach Will. Even when he appears to be gone, they keep reaching. And once they reach him they keep holding on. And even when Will tells them to close the gate, likely knowing it will kill him, they don't accept that. Joyce finds a way. Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Max, and Steve find a way to give El and Hopper a fighting chance. All of their actions are fueled by unwavering love and loyalty for each other.
This show has always been about love. It has been the lifeblood of the entire series. It has been a constant, so much so that you almost become blind to it. Because unwavering love is the baseline, you don't really notice it until something changes. That's what seasons three and four did. They made us notice that the baseline existed in the first place. We started to see fluctuations.
In season three, Mike and El are constantly off in their own little world, they aren't considerate of their friends. Will is feeling completely and totally isolated and like the group is falling apart. Dustin is separated from them for the entire season. Will says it best in the rain fight "where's Dustin? See you don't know and you don't even care! And obviously he doesn't either and I don't blame him!". The Party has their good moments in season three, but gone is the shameless love and unwavering support that they once offered each other. Lucas and Mike leave Will out and make fun of him. Which is so unlike them. None of them actually believe Suzie exists, and they humor Dustin in a condescending manner. Dustin isn't an idiot, he knew that they were being condescending. But he chose to give them the benefit of the doubt and tolerate them because it was so unusual for them to be so mean to each other. In conclusion, season three shows us the consequence of the loss of that unwavering and unselfish love.
(color code for this point on: genuine love / performance / something that is not loving)
In season four, there is even more fluctuating. The season starts off with El lying in her letter to Mike. Ending a letter of lies with "Love, El". Which is an interesting juxtaposition to the concept of "true love". Will's feelings are spotlighted by the mention of the painting and the "girl" he might like. Mike and Dustin are not supportive of Lucas, and they are not there to celebrate his accomplishments. Will is supportive of El and tries to comfort her in the face of her "failures". (Not that I think her class presentation was a failure, she did amazing. But she felt like she had failed.) Lucas continues to reach out to Max and pay attention to her even when she continuously pushes him away; even when she's mean. We see Mike and El putting on fake smiles, it's clear that they can't be themselves in this relationship. They're once again ignoring Will. Mike and Will fight again. Mike and El have their fight about Mike's inability to say "I love you" and about how he makes El feel like a monster. Joyce and Murray go to FUCKING RUSSIA to save Hopper. Mike and Will begin to patch up their relationship. Will gives Mike the painting and along with it his veiled love confession. And although it's hidden behind a flimsy lie, it is such a beautiful act of love. Because the lie is not selfish. He's lying because he believes it is what's best for Mike, not himself. He hands over his heart on a silver platter for Mike and tells him that it's someone else's because he believes that's what Mike needs. Although it is dishonest, it is closer to the concept of "true love" than El's letter from the beginning of the season. (Not a lot of consistency. Well, there's consistent inconsistency. This season is so far from the baseline)
And then we have Mike's monologue. Mike's monologue that brings the concept of "love saves the day" to front and center stage. And for the first time we see them completely and utterly lose.
(I'd like to say that I hate the way people say that the deaths in season 4 are Mike's fault because of the monologue. They are not his fault, he is 14 oh my god please stop putting that on him. But the loss is crucial to understanding why that baseline I was talking about is so important.)
In the first two seasons, when we were at this "baseline", the show never told us that love was going to save the day. It didn't have to tell us. It was obvious, but not in a dramatic and cheesy way. The monologue is dramatic and cheesy. It uses romance tropes that no one actually likes. It doesn't line up with any of Mike's behavior throughout the entire show. This is the first time that the show states over and over again "love is going to save the day". It's this big dramatic moment that falls flat on its face because we have never needed them to tell us this before. So why are they telling us now?
"Forced conforming. That's what's killing the kids."
For the first time, stranger things conforms to the usual dramatics of the "love saves the day" trope. And a kid literally dies.
In season one, when they find Will in the UD, we know what has led to this moment. We know that Joyce has fought her way to this moment fueled by nothing but unwavering love and an unyielding belief that her son was out there. That he was alive. Then they find him dead. But Joyce and Hopper fought for Will for that entire week, why would they stop fighting now. So Hopper starts cpr, and it's an intense moment. But it's not dramatic. It's just real, and raw. It's a mother desperately begging her son to come back to her. And Will lives.
Compare that to the dramatics of the monologue while Max is being murdered? It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened there.
El brings Max back in a quiet moment. She finds her resolve and she says "No. You're not going." And this moment feels similar to when Will was resuscitated. Lucas is sobbing and desperate for someone to help. And El helps. That moment is not a performance. No one is there to see what she does. That moment is an act of true love. It's not fueled by a dramatic monologue. It's just love. For this one moment, we come back to the baseline.
Season four was about the performance of love. And conforming to the "right way" to love. That is why they failed.
I believe that season five will see the return to this baseline that I talked about. For all the types of love we see in the show, but the one I'm focused on is romantic love. (This is not me saying that romantic love is more important, it's just the one I'm thinking about the most right now)
Because not only has the show always been about love, it's also always been about Will. It started with him; it started with the group's love for him. If love is the lifeblood of the show, Will is the heart and soul of the show. And now there has been so much attention drawn to Will's romantic love for Mike, and his desire to be loved in that same way. He is so so sad because he believes that this form of love just isn't for him. His love being requited is a satisfying ending to his arc, but is also the perfect opportunity to bring the show back to its "baseline". Will's arc concluding with his love being requited is the perfect way to drive home the message they've been sending this entire time. The heart of the show deserves to receive the love it has inspired.
Will has loved Mike. Mike has loved Will. They don't need a big dramatic confession. They just need to be honest with themselves and honest with each other. True love.
This was just a ramble so I don't really have a conclusion and I don't know if anyone will understand what I'm trying to say. But this is an aspect of the show that I absolutely adore and I am so passionate about it and I just had to talk about it.
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kaypeace21 · 2 years
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m*leven vs byler parallels
Caring, letters, truth and superheroes:
Mike tells Will he exchanges letters with El cause she's his gf. Later mike throws El’s letter (about becoming a “superhero”) in the trash. Then Mike explains to Will, that he had a fight with El (and he probably can’t mend his romantic relationship with her). 
during that prior fight: Mike says he “ cares” for El. And El responds that he “CARES” but doesn’t love her- and can’t even say it out loud to her or in his letters . Instead his letters say “from mike” . Even the flowers he got her had a card that says “from mike”. Mike then tries changing the subject (of him not loving her) by saying El is important to him and  a “superhero”. El then says “not anymore” to mike's offiscation.  El later sends Mike the letter about re-becoming a “superhero” (she signs the letter "from el"- probably symbolically showing their relationship is probably over). Which is why mike then throws the superhero letter into the trash.
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Mike wonders why he couldn’t say he loved El to her face (before she left). Will says to Mike it’s hard to “say how you really feel” about  people you “CARE” about because they may not like  the “TRUTH”. On one hand it could reflect Will’s fear. But it also reflects Mike’s fear of admitting to El he doesn’t romantically love her-because It’s something she wouldn’t like.
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After mike threw out el's letter , Mike states the “TRUTH” is he misses Will and was worrying too much about El.
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Brenner later tells EL “superheroes’ are stuff of fairytales and the “TRUTH” is not that simple, and she cannot hide from the “truth” any longer (even if it freightens her). Aka - (symboliically) the “truth” El doesn’t want to face is that Mike doesn’t “love” her romantically and her trying to become a “superhero” again won’t change that “truth”. which was earlier  illustrated by Mike throwing out her “superhero” letter . In s3 -4: we see mike/EL dating eachother but both are called out for lying to one another (their whole romance is the antithesis of “truth”-but instead lies.)
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lumax and byler
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Will asks if mike is angry at him, cause he stopped “talking” to him. Then Will mentions how mike and El share letters (and mike barely talks to him). But Lucas says he’d rather “talk” to Max and doesn’t want a letter (paralleling how Mike threw El’s letter away so he could “talk” to Will). Mike literally throws the letter in the trash like a basketball (to parallel lucas further).
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 Both pairings had a falling out between seasons. lucas says to max “it’s like you’re not even here anymore”. And Mike says “I don’t know maybe I feel I lost you”. Max/Will take the blame for the fallingout. But Lucas/mike correct them and take responsibility.
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After this Lucas says  he didn’t loose Max ,but he just wasn’t using his eyes to see what was infront of him. dustin: the world is full of the most obvious things that no one by anychance ever observes. Lucas to max : "But i SEE YOU NOW" .  cough oh look at byler staring at eachother.
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Not to mention Will getting the courage to eventually show the painting to mike... is almost a loose parallel to the letters. So for byler the painting may spur a "talk" about the "truth" of their feelings. A piece of paper can only mean so much. But if the painting said "love Will" that would be a nice touch too.
It seems like mike and Will are almost contrasting. Mike can't say he loves El even in letters. And Will seems like he's about to confess any minute to mike (and his painting may symbolize his romantic love for mike).
Also another very obvious byler hint:
They fight in an arcade (cough a place they used to hangout together). Will says "what about us?" Which initially alarms Mike. Then when Will brings up how they haven’t been talking ,but mike sends el letters . Mike uses the excuse that she's his girlfriend. And again Will says "and us?" . And mike quickly states they're "friends". Will is this close to calling out their relationship. I swear. And Mike protested too much. XD
Also don’t get me started on how robin mentions a movie (dr zhigiago) and says its about "doomed love" - and then we see the m*leven fight. The film has a subplot about 2 siblings having the same love interest. Heck Yuri even yells about his brother taking his wife. Like ok. Suspish. And no I don’t think the "doomed love " is the queer ship -like it usually is.
why? well robin mentions vickie and not being able to confess. Then right after robin shows the "doomed love" video to Steve. But Steve said earlier to robin. She doesn't have to worry about confessing to Vickie cause she's clearly queer like robin. So does Will have nothing to worry about cause mike's also lgbt?hmm
My opinion:
Mike is still processing his complex feelings but ... my oblivious son will eventually get there eventually. Honestly wouldn't surprise me if Will confessing to mike is what makes mike finally realize his feelings for Will.
also "cool" parallel.
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xoxo-sarah · 9 months
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I Wanna Be Yours || Part 6
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Part 5 | part 7
↝a/n: this past month has been hectic. Forgive me for being, like, 3 weeks late.
↝pairing: Robin Buckley x fem!Wheeler!reader
↝ Warning: not proofread. Possible spoilers, Canon events, Ted Wheeler is a dick, it's hinted that Ted and Reader don't really get along as father and daughter
↝⎙ 9.1.23
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Has that floorboard always been warped?
You couldn't help but zone in on the piece of wood at the top of the stairs. It looked so...odd.
"I know you guys are staring at me."
The three boys on the couch to your right shuffled to find something to look at other than Max. "What, sorry?" "Huh?" "You said you needed something?" "Just hanging out."
You glanced away from the wonky piece of wood and looked at the boys, then Max.
"How you think your eyes boring into the back of my head is protecting me from Vecna, I don't know." Max shuffled the letters against the desk, before getting up. She walked over, watching Steve throw the baseball up into the air and catch it and the other two finding whatever lies in the pages of the random books so interesting. "You can look at me now." They apologized, looking up at her.
She stuck out one envelope towards Dustin, "For you." Next, Steve. "For you." He looked surprised to be getting one. "And, uh, you." She didn't spend much time giving Lucas his, instead turning towards you with an envelope.
"Max." You cooed, hesitantly taking it. You two weren't the closest. Come to think of it, you weren't the closest with any of your brother's friends. You all knew each other and talked a little, but there wasn't much to talk about. You didn't think you'd be worthy of a letter from her.
"Oh, and, um, give these to Mike, El, and Will." Max handed the rest of the envelopes to Lucas. "If you can ever get a hold of them again."
Steve and Dustin went to open theirs, but stopped when max blurted out, "Hey, what are you doing? No, don't. That's not for now. Don't open it now."
"Don't?....okay." Dustin looked at max, confused. "I'm sorry, what is this?"
"It's um," Max avoided their eyes, fiddling with her hands. "It's a fail-safe. For after." You stared at the side of her head. She's just a kid. "If things don't work out." SHe stammered.
Lucas sat forward on the couch, "Wait, woah. Max, thing's are gonna work out."
"No!" She exclaimed. You sat further in your chair, just watching. "No, I don't need you to reassure me right now and tell me it's all gonna work out, because people have been telling me that my entire life and it's almost never true. It's never true."
"I mean, of course this asshole curses me. I should've seen that one coming." She inhales deeply, before looking at the table in the side of the room. She walked towards it, grabbing the Walkie. "If we go to East Hawkins, will this thing reach Pennhurst?"
"Of course, yeah." Dustin answered.
Steve looked confused. "wait, why are we talking about East Hawkins?" He looked around, seeing everyone looking at him. "No, no. No!"
"Max! Max, seriously."
Steve jogged behind her, trying to reason with the stubborn girl. "Seriously, I'm not joking. I'm not driving you anywhere."
"Steve, if you think I'm going to spend what is likely the last day of my life in the armpit that is Mike Wheeler's basement, then you're out of your mind."
As you jogged to keep up with them, she turned to look at you. "No offense." She turned back, "So, either take me where I need to go or you're gonna have to tie me down, which is technically kidnapping of a minor. And if i live to see another day, Steve, i sweat to god, i will prosecute." Coming to the car, she tried to open the door, jiggling it before glaring up at Steve. "Open the door."
"Uh, no."
"I know a good lawyer."
After a moment, Steve scoffed, grabbing the keys out of his pocket. Determined little shit.
"Henderson, that super walkie of yours better reach Pennhurst."
As everyone got in the car, Max stopped, looking behind you. You moved to block whatever she was staring at, with a glum look on her face. She blinked a few times, before getting in the car.
You don't know about the front of the car, but in the back, the tension could be cute with a knife.
It was kinda awkward, really.
You nearly sighed in relief when Steve pulled up to the trailer park.
"Alright, this better be fast, Mayfield."
"Twenty seconds." Max shut the door, and began jogging up her porch.
Steve turned to Dustin. "That thing's got batteries in it, right?"
Dustin looked at Steve before looking out the window, disappointed. "I'm not even answering that question."
"..."
"Yes, it has batteries."
"Yeah, got it."
Max came around the house, looking disoriented.
"Hey, that was longer than 20 seconds." Max ignored him, walking past him and opening the door. Steve looked at you, confused and concerned. "Hey, woah, woah. You alright?"
"I'm fine just drive."
"Did something happen?"
Max shrugged off Dustin's questioning. "Can we please just go?"
For once, it wasn't your bouncing leg shaking the car. Max's leg hadn't stopped shaking since she got back in the car. Something had to of happened back there. You weren't about to be the one to ask about it though. The poor girl has been asked questions and had eyes on her nonstop. It's probably exhausting. all of that plus the symptoms she had talked about, seemed like a lot. The symptoms you were having was probably just a coincidence. It was most likely due to stress. Right?
"Turn here."
"Here?"
Max looked at Dustin, nodding.
Roane Hill Cemetery.
As Max got out of the car, Lucas was quick to follow. You could faintly hear them from inside the car.
As you all watched them talk, you began thinking about how much they care about each other, together or not. You can easily see they'd die for one another, any of the kids in that friend group would. But Lucas and Max were something else. He wanted to understand her pain so badly, it almost hurt him just as much not being able to help her. And now she was walking around, waiting for Vecna to strike any minute and there's nothing he could do.
Was there somebody out there like that for you? Was Robin that person, your person? Would she get to know your little tells when you're upset? Was she the person who'd try to make you feel better? No, there's no way. That could never happen. She doesn't-
"She's gonna be okay." It came out more a question.
Steve looked away from the other two, your croaked voice bringing his eyes to you. "Yeah, yeah. Of course."
Dustin slowly nodded. Max would probably be okay. Maybe.
From your spot leaning against the back door, you saw Steve check his watch for the tenth time. "Alright, It's been long enough." He threw his door open, going to make his way towards where max sat, in front to Billy's grave.
"Steve just give her some time." Lucas suggested.
"I have, alright, Sinclair?" Steve continued to make his way, walking backwards. "I'm calling it. She wants to get a lawyer, she can." He turned back around and continued to walk up the hill, towards her.
After a moment, you heard Steve's voice get louder. "Max!" When you looked up at them, he was shaking her, she didn't seem to be moving, or responding at all. "Max, wake up!"
"Oh something's wrong."
"No shit."
You hurried up the hill, the boys shortly following you when Steve yelled for them.
What were you to do in this situation? This wasn't something they taught in school.
Everyone was yelling all at once, panicking. Rightfully so.
Steve grabbed Dustin's jacket, yelling at him and frantically pointing towards the car. "Call Nancy and Robin! Go get 'em! Call Nancy and Robin! Go!"
Dustin went stumbling down towards the car, cussing in the process.
Max continued to be yelled at and pushed and pulled, being begged to wake up or come to, something, anything.
When Dustin finally came back, he stumbled, dropping everything he had in his arms.
"Wha-what is this?" Lucas looked at Dustin like he had grown another head on his way back.
"Her song- what's her favorite song?!"
"Why? Why?"
"Robin said if she listens-It's too much to explain right now-"
"Favorite song!" You finally bellowed.
The tapes became a mess in the glass as you all went through them, frantically looking.
Finally finding the one, they threw it in the Walkman and slammed the headphones on her head, waiting.
"Max!" "C'Mon, Max!" "Max, Wake up!" "C'mon, please! Max!"
"Holy shit!" As Max began levitating, Dustin fell back onto you in shock, horror.
Jumping up, you all began yelling for her again. What else was there to do. Holy shit, she's going to die. is all that clouded your mind. This is unbelievable.
She suddenly fell back down, gasping.
She was panting, gasping, and crying as Lucas held onto her for dear life.
"It's okay." He tried to sooth her while she began hyperventilating. Your heart pounded loudly against your ribcage. "It's okay. I thought we lost you."
"I'm still- I'm still here."
"Holy shit," you rubbed her arm, making sure she was really here. Holy shit.
"Dustin?" Eddie sing-songed, coming from the walkie. Having been leaning against a snoozing Robin, you went to get up to grab the said walkie, but stopped when Nancy jerked up from where she was asleep. She moved to grab the walkie and began talking into it.
"Wheeler! hey, um, I'm gonna need a food delivery, like, really soon. Unless you want me going out into the world."
"No. No, no, no. Don't do that. Just...stay where you are, and we'll be there as soon as we can."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, um, can you pick me up a six-pack?" Nance looked over at you. "I know it's stupid as shit, drinking right now, but a cold beer would really calm my jangled nerves." Nancy moved to look around, your eyes following.
Her body went stiff. "Hey, i'm gonna have to call you back."
"Dustin!" She shook the boy awake, ignoring his mumbling. "Wake up."
"W-what?"
Was that...drool on his face? Oh, that's nasty.
"Aren't you supposed to be on Max watch?"
You guess she must've gotten up when you were staring off into the ceiling, thinking hard about whatever, because you hadn't gone to sleep like everyone else and you didn't see her get up.
"Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Sorry." He wiped at his eyes.
"Then where is she?"
"She's right there." Pointing at the empty couch, he felt his stomach drop. "A second ago. I swear, I just dozed off for..." He checked his watch, looking back at Nance. "An hour."
You three ran up the basement stairs, minds running overtime, thoughts running over thoughts of where she could be, when she got up, why she got up.
You nearly ran into Nancy's back when she suddenly stopped. You moved to look over her shoulder.
At the table, sat Max and Holly.
"Morning, guys." Your mom walked over, food in her hand. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's okay."
Smiling at your mother, you glanced at the food she was cooking. As if on cue, your stomach growled.
"I think it's so sweet that you guys are sticking together like this." She plopped another pancake into the tower.
The newspaper crinkled under your father's finger as he looked up. "Could try sticking together at a different house for a change."
You moved towards your father, taking the coffee cup right out of his hands as he went to take a sip. "Is it good today?" You took a sip, looking at him as if you were totally not trying to get under his skin.
Your mother glared at your father for a second before turning to Dustin, "You know you're welcome here any time."
"Totally. You're like family." Your mother ate Dustin's words right up. He might be her favorite of Mike's friends, honestly. He pointed to the plate of pancakes, "May I?"
"Absolutely." He got handed a plate as your dad continued to blabber.
"Yeah, why not? Take us for all we're worth."
"Okay." Dustin was being cheeky, adding a smile as he grabbed like 4 pancakes.
Nancy and Dustin moved to the table, talking to Max. You stayed talking to your mother. "I feel like I hadn't seen you guys." She smoothed at your bed head. Two of her children lost a friend in a short amount of time. They couldn't possibly be grieving properly, she thought. And she was right. You wouldn't say you had time to grieve. There were problems after problems, building up. Atleast for you, grieving for Chrissy was on the backburner. It would be for a while. She had physically seen you and Nance, around. But she could tell you were fully here, emotionally. For all she knew, the death was taking a toll of you both, not the whole Vecna killing them and targeting Max.
"Been peaceful." You dad butted in.
The glare your mother sent him would probably make anyone cower. "He's kidding, Darling. You know that." Her hand moved to your cheek, trying to offer you all the motherly comfort she could give. Mike was, well, Mike. Nancy wasn't too fond of letting her emotions out. You were the only one who didn't stop letting her in on your feeling for drama at school when you had hit teenage years. She had still felt like you kept something from her, she tried and tried to let you know you could tell her, but you never did. SHe wasn't going to force you. Whatever it was, you would tell her when you're ready. Hopefully.
Nancy's chair scrapped against the floor as she got up from the table, rushing to the basement. Dustin got up, following her. He stopped in front of your dad, getting a disappointed scowl in return. "Sorry, fuel for the road. Thanks, Mrs. Wheeler!"
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pinkeoni · 9 months
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More Willel Mirroring: Textual vs. Subtextual Abuse
So not only do Will and El's mirrored storylines reveal ideas about sexuality, but they also present an interesting narrative about the different facets of child abuse.
Also, for this post I think I want to just want to focus on season one. There is absolutely subtext for abuse across the other seasons, but since the first season was written to hold on its own, it does create an interesting self contained story about child abuse.
TW for discussion of child abuse
This time around I am probably going to be focusing on Will more than El, because Will's abuse lies more in subtext whereas El lies more on the surface. And there are layers of metaphor and subtext for both instances, which I touch on in my sexuality longpost, although it is much easier to point to El's story and say "she is being abused." After all, this is what happens in the show as well.
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The age and lived experiences of the characters does impact their perception, however.
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An adult like Benny is able to look at El and understand that she's likely been abused, but young boys like the party who don't know any better think she's crazy. Regardless, it's obvious with El, a little girl with a shaved head who doesn't say much with no sense of privacy that something is wrong with her.
I think that Will and El's storylines are meant to represent invisible versus visible abuse, thus El's abuse is textual while Will's abuse storyline is subtextual. With El, it's hard for her to hide her abuse. As for Will, it's much more concealed. In Jonathan's words—
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"He's good at hiding."
The inclusion of this line is part of what points towards Will's abuse. It postulates a couple of questions— why is Will good at hiding and what was he hiding from? Furthermore, I think this line plays into the idea of Will's abuse being hidden. You can't tell just by looking at him that he's been abused, at least from what we see of him in the show. And when you look at his story from a surface level, you may not catch on to this.
Gleaning subtext from Will's flashbacks
El and Will are the two characters that we get flashbacks for, and for both we see what their differing home lives are like. El is being treated like a weapon in the lab by Papa, and Will shares some wholesome moments with Joyce and Jonathan.
Because Will is not presently on screen for much of season one, so a lot of his characterization has to be delivered through flashbacks. Within these flashbacks, there is a lot that can be gleaned from just below the surface that points toward Will being abused.
Lonnie may not be on screen for any of these flashbacks. But if you look closely, his presence is definitely felt.
Flashback #1) Castle Byers
First off, Castle Byers itself— the fact that it exists, and the fact that it's so far away from the Byers' house.
We aren't given an exact location for Castle Byers, other than it's in the woods behind their house. But it's not in their backyard, that's for sure. We also get a comment about Castle Byers from Jonathan later in the season, stating that it's his hiding spot. Why would Will need a safe space and hiding spot outside of his home?
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Furthermore, Castle Byers is password protected, with a big sign in the front that reads ALL FRIENDS WELCOME in big letters. Is it not hard for one to infer that Castle Byers is meant to keep something out? Something not a friend?
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More from this flashback, we know that Will used to be scared often to the point of having nightmares for a week.
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"Anymore" implying that he did used to get scared in the past tense. Had Will just said "I don't get scared like that." it would have a different meaning. The "anymore" is an important inclusion. Will used to be very scared of something when he was younger, but not anymore.
Flashback #2) Should I Stay or Should I Go
The second flashback mentions Lonnie more explicitly, when we hear Joyce arguing with him over the phone over not showing for visitation. Perhaps the mention of him here is meant to subconsciously tie him to the other flashbacks?
This flashback also provides heavy subtext surrounding Will's sexuality, using this line from Jonathan.
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I think it’s very likely that Lonnie was abusing Will because of his sexuality. We already have confirmation that he was verbally bullying him for it from Joyce.
Flashback #3) Will the Wise
Will the Wise was introduced in the first scene of the show, but this moment shows that Will the Wise is more than just a DnD character to Will. He’s something he goes to in search of comfort.
In this moment where Will is drawing him, we see that Will seems a little somber. Drawing can be fun, but it’s also a tool that Will can use to express his emotions, both good and bad. More specifically, Will the Wise is fighting bad guys.
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Could these bad guys just be referring to Troy and his gang? Or someone else?
The thing about all three of these flashbacks is that they sneakily hide their subtext behind more pertinent pieces of information.
We are introduced to Castle Byers which becomes an important set piece. We are also shown that Will has a safe space outside of his home and used to get nightmares.
We are introduced to Jonathan’s distaste of Lonnie and also given clues about Will’s sexuality.
Will’s drawing becomes a plot point later (used to discern El from Will) but we are also shown that Will’s has a persona which he uses to fight “bad guys.”
The Upside Down as Subtext
Here's the main point I wanna make that took too long to get to, the Upside Down is used to deliver subtext about Will's past abuse.
But isn't Will being actually being tormented by Vecna in the Upside Down? Well I think it's both. Yes Will is literally being hunted by Vecna, and at the same time it's metaphorical for Will's abuse by Lonnie. Some things have a dual-purpose.
We know that the Upside Down is a dark mirror of Hawkins. For most of his time there, at least from what we see, he stays in or around his home.
Will is, quite literally, in danger inside of his own home.
Here.
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R-I-G-H-T H-E-R-E. Right here.
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My most solid piece of evidence that backs this is this moment where Will tells Joyce "Mom, it's coming!" and the following Byers House scene we see is Lonnie pulling up to the house.
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Additionally, we do not see any attempts from Will to contact Joyce while Lonnie is there, along with Lonnie hammering over the hole in the wall and taking down the lights he was using to communicate. Lonnie's presence literally silences him.
Does Joyce know?
Joyce's comments in the sheriff's office suggests that she is aware of Lonnie's homophobic bullying, I think that just like the Upside Down, the extent of Lonnie's abuse is something that she doesn't fully understand. But she does want to.
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Understanding does require communication from Will. And unfortunately for Joyce—
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—he's good at hiding.
Evidence from future seasons does lead me to believe that Will forgot some of these traumatic memories, although if I were looking at season one on it's own, I would say that Will is hiding his past abuse.
If anything, Will was likely hiding this abuse as it was happening.
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thranduel · 2 years
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the big difference between these two relationships
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*these are my own personal opinions based on what i’ve observed in the show!! obviously all of these characters love each other so much but i just don't think mike and el work together romantically, while mike and will do (and there are so many reasons why!)
as we all know, mike and will completely understand each other and relate to each other, they feel like equals, they're honest with each other, they have many deep and meaningful heart-to-heart conversations and they can actually be themselves when they’re together. mike and el don't fully understand each other or relate to each other, they feel completely different from one another (mike admitted he feels inferior to el and el admitted she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere), they lie to each other, they don't have any deep and meaningful heart-to-heart conversations and they can’t even be themselves when they’re together (they literally prove this in the show).
el believes that mike has been scared of her several times and sees her as a monster (obviously we know he doesn’t actually think she is one), but the point is that she still feels like a monster, and there are several scenes where mike unintentionally triggers traumatic memories of brenner right after he gets angry at el when she does something that scares him (like when she accidentally hurt lucas and and when she hit angela with the rollerskate). obviously mike and brenner are NOT the same at all, they are completely different people, but there are some parallels between them when it comes to how they view el as a superhero and how they put pressure on her to always save the day (“you’re MY superhero!”, “you can fly!”) and how they praise her for her powers more than who she actually is as a person. they’ve both called her “incredible” several times but it’s always about her abilities. but with will on the other hand, mike has always made him feel safe and comfortable for who he is and he doesn’t feel like a mistake at all because of mike. he has always been extremely protective, observant and caring towards will and he knows how to make him feel loved and accepted. the only time mike upsets will is when he excludes him, but the only reason he excludes him is because he forces himself to pay attention to el and then he pretends to be someone he’s not when he’s with her… see, it just shows how it’s not healthy or fair to anyone and mike can only be himself when he’s with will.
mike and el
season 4 episode 3: during their fight scene, el tells mike that she’s different from everyone else. he tries explaining that he understands what she’s going through because he’s been bullied his whole life but she says he never will. this already shows us that they don’t feel equal to each other in the relationship and they’re never on the same page, because unfortunately, they are very different and have experienced different things in their life, and no matter how long they date, they always will be different. obviously relationships can work like this in some cases, but the thing is with mike and el, they don’t have any sort of character growth or development at all. they don’t become stronger as a couple. in fact, i think they’ve only gotten worse. they can’t even communicate honestly or be themselves around each other. they’ve never had a meaningful heart-to-heart conversation or resolved their conflicts properly. they constantly lie and pretend to be people they’re not (el literally lied to mike the entire time they were sending letters and acted like her life was good when it wasn’t) and mike acts so different around el and forces himself to focus on her which results in him excluding all his friends. this isn’t healthy or fair to anyone, and continuing to force two teenagers in a relationship where they don’t understand each other and can’t even be themselves with each other is really weird. anyways, el says “you think i’m a monster too” and mike doesn’t really try hard to deny it, he just lies and makes her feel like she’s being ridiculous like he’s done to her this entire scene. we know that mike obviously doesn’t think el is a bad person at all, but there have been several times where he has been scared of her and she knows that too.
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in season 1 when they find will’s body, mike slaps el’s hand away and yells at her because he feels betrayed. he realises that el is just a stranger that he’s been trusting and following around even though he barely knows her, and when he sees the body and believes it’s will, it absolutely breaks him and he thinks she’s been lying to him. a few episodes later, el freaks out and sends lucas flying across the junkyard with her powers, and it knocks him unconscious. mike is understandably terrified and angry because his friend got hurt. he yells at her again and this triggers a traumatic memory from the lab. this shows that mike’s reaction reminded her of brenner (there are actually many parallels between mike and brenner, and even in mike’s monologue to el in season 4 episode 9, he says the same things brenner said to el. they both go on about how she’s a superhero that can fly and she obviously doesn’t want to hear that all the time since she’s her own person as well, but they never seem to mention her actual personality or what she does outside of being a superhero). in season 4 episode 2, el hits angela in the face with a rollerskate. mike looks terrified and it parallels to brenner again because mike's words triggered a traumatic memory. even at the dinner table, mike is still annoyed and makes a sarcastic comment which upsets el. in episode 9 during his monologue, he lies and says he’s never been scared of her which we know isn’t true. that entire monologue was pretty much filled with lies that contradict things we’ve already seen and it just felt like an insult to el. i also didn’t like how mike said “you’re my superhero” and listed what she can do with her powers but he couldn’t even mention anything about her personality, because he doesn’t even truly know her since they can’t even be themselves with each other. they don’t even share any similar interests and hobbies. the only thing mike knows about her outside of being a superhero is that she likes eggos and that’s about it.
you can argue that he tried making her feel good about who she is in his monologue but he was lying during so much of it that it doesn’t feel genuine at all. people also need to realise that it’s unhealthy that mike has an inferiority complex. he literally admitted that he feels inferior to el because she’s a superhero with powers. he said it wasn't fate or destiny but dumb luck that superman landed on his doorstep. he saw that el was vulnerable and needed help and he just happened to be there. he also probably feels better about himself for being able to get a girl with powers because no girls have ever shown any interest in him before (and it doesn't seem like he had any interest in girls either). but the entire time he was talking in the car, he was talking about himself and how he wants to be "needed" by el because it boosts his confidence but he never mentioned what el actually needs, especially at that time in her life when he met her. she just got out of a lab and needed to grow rather than being pushed into romance before knowing what romance was. mike had a crush on her but she didn’t have a crush on him. she thought he would be like her brother and she only saw him as a friend that cared for her. obviously mike didn’t have any bad intentions when he kissed her, he was just a kid and it was supposed to be cute and wholesome, but the point is that he did what he wanted when she didn’t even understand the concept of romance and crushes. she didn’t really have a say and she didn't have any time to learn about this stuff. mike is the one that decided what their relationship was going to be without giving her a chance to discover herself first. it was also harder for el because she couldn’t communicate the same way mike could, so everything happened so quickly for her and it just doesn’t feel right that she couldn’t decide on her own. their relationship would've been so much better if it developed slowly and el had time to decide if she liked mike romantically HERSELF, without mike being the one to put things in her head. i think it's also important to mention that there was a literally an entire plot in season 3 that focused on how mike has prevented el from discovering herself and what she likes. max literally encouraged her to break up with him, and when she did, she looked the happiest she had ever been. max actually allowed her to find her own style and think for herself instead of letting the men in her life tell her what to do.
mike and will
season 4 episode 8: during the car scene, will confesses his love to mike using eleven’s name. he mentions how he feels like a mistake sometimes because he’s different but mike is the only person that doesn’t make him feel like a mistake. they were each other’s first friend, they’ve known each other for most of their lives, they have always felt like equals in the relationship, they’ve experienced the same struggles as they’ve been outcasts their whole lives and got bullied at school, they both understand each other better than anyone else and they can be themselves with each other. neither feels superior or inferior to the other (unlike mike and el, where mike literally admitted he feels inferior to el because she’s a superhero with powers and he wants to be “needed” by her… the whole thing isn’t healthy or fair to anyone at all). mike and will have only had two fights and both times it was because will felt excluded by mike because he was too busy with el. in season 3 episode 3, will felt called out when mike said “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”. he was obviously already hurt for many reasons here, but hearing this would’ve made it even harder for him. but we know that mike didn’t mean it that way and he immediately regretted it because he just said it without thinking (it also sounded like he was actually projecting because of internalised homophobia). the other time they argued was at the roller rink and it sounds like mike is projecting here too when he says “we’re friends” twice and gets defensive about it. after both of these fights, mike immediately goes to apologise to will because he can’t stand seeing him upset and he had to make sure he was okay and knew that he was genuinely sorry for hurting him. it’s important to note that mike is stubborn when it comes to apologising but he always apologises to will without question. in season 4 episode 4, he doesn't let will try to blame himself either. mike takes full responsibility for the way he treated will and admits that things have felt weird because hawkins wasn't the same without him and he was afraid of losing him. this is a parallel to the scene in season 4 episode 8 where will also admits that if he was mean to mike or seemed like he was pushing him away, it's because he was scared to lose him too.
“if [i] was mean to you or [i] seemed like [i] was pushing you away, it’s probably because [i'm] scared of losing you just like you’re scared of losing [me]”
even though he used el to disguise his feelings, i think mike will eventually realise will was talking about himself here because it's the only thing that makes sense. el never pushed mike away and they stayed in contact by sending each other letters, but mike and will lost contact and pushed each other away because they love each other and they're scared of losing each other. that's why this line during the car monologue can only be applied to mike and will. also, when mike said his monologue to el, he copied a lot of what will said and he was basically responding to will's love confession for him without even realising it.
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anyways, the scene where will told mike he doesn’t feel like a mistake because of him also reminded me of the one in season 2 where will and jonathan are talking and will gets upset. he says “mom, dustin, lucas, everyone. they all treat me like i’m gonna break, like i’m a baby, like i can’t handle things on my own”. notice how he doesn’t mention mike? that’s because mike has never made him feel that way. mike stayed by will’s side throughout all of season 2 to take care of him but he never treated him like he was a baby or made him feel bad about anything. he was just there by his side and provided support when he needed it. when will was explaining what he saw on halloween night, mike listened so carefully. he didn't make him feel like there was something wrong with him and he told him that they'll both go crazy together. in season 2 episode 5 when will is talking about the mindflayer spying on them, mike tries making the situation positive by saying how it would be cool for will to be like a super-spy. will almost let out a little laugh because of it even though he was terrified in the moment. it just shows that mike always makes him feel better. and when will was anxious and shaking, mike noticed and put his hand on top of his to calm him down. mike is also the only person that will opens up to when he's struggling which shows how comfortable he feels around him. in season 2 he told him about everything going on with the mindflayer, and in season 4 he's the first person that he spoke to when they arrived back in hawkins. mike also helped will snap out of his upside down trances in season 2 and he would always make sure he was okay and stayed by his side. even after will becomes "the spy", mike never takes his anger out on will or yells at him because he knows it's not his fault, and he stays by his side even though he knows it's risky to be around him. in the shed scene, he was so calm and gentle while telling will the story of how they first met. they were both crying during this scene and it was extremely emotional. it's also probably my favourite scene in the entire show.
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there’s such a big difference between both of these relationships and i think it’s really important to discuss. it's obvious that all of them love each other so much, but the difference is that mike and el don't work together romantically at all, while mike and will could be one of the most well-written and genuine relationships because they understand each other better than anyone and they fit together so well. i think mike and el could have one of the strongest and most beautiful friendships too, but they just don't work together as a couple and we've seen why so many times. anyone that pays attention to the show would see that mike and el can’t even be themselves around each other and mike's character got worse the moment he started dating el. he was just reduced to her boyfriend, had no individual character growth and development AND it's just simply not healthy because he feels inferior to her and pretends to be someone he’s not when she's around. he sees her as an awesome superhero with powers but he can’t even name anything about who she is as a person or anything about her personality. el also hasn’t had the chance to grow on her own and make her own decisions. even when she’s starting to finally have her own character development, she always ends up back with mike, and the fact that he needed to say a monologue (that was literally filled with lies!) to “give her strength” while her best friend was suffering in front of her just feels really weird and the entire thing was cheesy. it’s just not healthy or fair to either of them. mike and will on the other hand have the closest relationship in the show and understand each other better than anyone else. it's also just been fully confirmed that will has been in love with mike from the very beginning and they have the most history and build up, even if we don't see all of it on screen. mike can only be himself when he’s with will and that says SO much too. they see each other as equals, they’re always on the same page and they love each other for exactly who they are. obviously mike and el love each other too, i just don't think they belong together romantically because their relationship just simply isn't healthy. i think they rushed into it way too quickly and mike got carried away because she's a superhero, as he's said over and over again. he couldn't even tell her he loved her when she was crying in front of him without her powers, but the moment she gets her powers back and will confesses his OWN feelings for mike and convinces him that el "needs" him, he can suddenly tell her he loves her? i don't know, the whole thing is just messy lol.
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