#something between show accurate and my own style | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bulkhummus · 1 month

Note

Hey!! I’m curious, in what ways do you think wtnv sucks? I’m not necessarily disagreeing but I can’t think of anything tbh and your tag made me start wondering

Hi!

No piece of media is perfect, and expecting it to be is unfair to the creator, and unrealistic of the consumer. Being able to consciously understand the ways in which something you love also has flaws is a healthy way of engaging with the things you enjoy without succumbing to the all-or-nothing mentality of being able to enjoy, well, anything!

I love wtnv, obviously, it's about 90% of my blog, and I have listened to it for a very long time. I respect the creators (including the actors) for what they have accomplished.

However, there are a few things about wtnv that I as a listener and long-time fan have recognized as, lets call them, potential critiques. Sucks is too strong a word because I’m not focusing on specific instances where they have messed up (and they have, people make mistakes). This isn’t a list where I tell you specific things�� but rather I just explain to you some thoughts I have about the show. This is, by no means, a complete or solitary list, or even an ‘accurate’ one. This is just my own opinion and you're welcome to disagree.

Consistency

I do not have the expectation of wtnv having continuity. I never once have, due to the nature of what it is, what it's about, and how it's written. I don't care if facts change. Cecil is an unreliable narrator. Timelines shatter and splinter off regularly in the show. Time doesn't work right for most of the podcast. The Cecil we listen to currently is not the same Cecil we were introduced to. Writers make mistakes when shows have been on for over a decade. etc etc etc. Instead, I use the word consistency.

The show lacks consistency in story telling. This is its strength! WTNV was a podcast made by a small group of people that skyrocketed in popularity very quickly. It was a passion project. It was a bunch of think pieces where the writers got to explore different styles of writing, different characters, and their thoughts and feelings on current events in real life. That’s what it was built on. It was recorded in a coat closet on a shitty mic and then suddenly it became a livelihood with a massive following. So, the show lacks consistency in story telling, which to me has always been the joy of it, because of its freedom to do as it pleases. A lot of ‘plot’ would happen and we’d leave on a cliffhanger, and in classic Night Vale fashion, it’d be like 4 months before you heard about it again. However.

WTNV was introduced as a serial podcast where the only consistency was that they'd upload twice a month. With the introduction of mini-arcs, and later longer arcs (such as STREX, the DOW, or UOWII) the writers introduced the expectation of continuity. The story would build over the course of several episodes and resolve in some type of way. This requires more planning and greater attention to detail than episodes that are one-off or ongoing by the nature of what the show initially was. My issue here is that they have given themselves the problem of continuity given how they write longer arcs now — but they just don’t seem to fact check or communicate with one another when it comes to these arcs that span several episodes or rely upon info from older episodes. Now, the show often feels like its fighting between what it wants to focus on, and how it focuses on it and I am left sensing this inconsistency that I once used to enjoy. Which brings me to my next point.

Understanding A World

WTNV is a show about a fictional town, told by an unreliable narrator in the form of a radio show. When the show started, I felt it understood that very well. New characters were introduced as callers, or interviews on local news, ad reads, and even Cecil playing his voicemail on air. It operates under a VAUGE set of rules (but rules nonetheless) that this was a radio show.

There have been several instances, more recently, where I feel as if the show forgets that Cecil is a radio host and the story is told through his perspective about 90% of the time. It is that exciting 10% where we gain insight to the same stories from different characters giving us new information.

For example, having Carlos and Janet go back and forth at one another in the finale of the UOWII arc completely casts aside Cecil's perspective as the narrator, and as having control over the story. Cecil hated Janet. it would have been more amusing and in character for him to have ad libbed whatever Janet said and only play Carlos' parts -- only for her to burst into his live studio outraged that he wasn't fairly reporting and THEN tell her side of the story after wrestling the mic away from him.

My issue here is that, more recently, it feels as if they forget that operating under rules, or constraints, in story telling, actually helps them be more creative in how information gets delivered to the listener.

I think how they use their patreon needs a massive overhaul too but thats a different post. Which brings me to my next point.

Hand Holding

They are good writers. They are capable of balancing humor and horror in a way that enhances both. I have felt gutted, I have felt hopeful, and I have felt absolutely feral after certain episodes because they have good ideas and can write well!

So it becomes really frustrating when they just tell me a bunch of stuff without it being reflected in the show, or they don’t trust themselves as writers. I get it. Not every episode can be their best, but there have been several instances recently, in moments where it really counts, where I am just being told what's going on instead of it going on. I’m being told why things are happening instead of listening to them happen, and often I feel they forget they are writing something to be performed. They don’t need to explain all of their metaphors or explain what the point of a characters actions are. The audience is not stupid and things don’t always need to be spelled out. Which brings me to my next point.

Writing for an Audience

All creators have to work off of in terms of how well something is doing is fan engagement, especially in a smaller project like this. However, they have an audience that varies in ages of 11-45 given how long this show has been running for. Go to a live show you will see what I mean. How do you write for an audience who is that diverse in age? Should you have to? Is it bad engagement to not think about your audience? Sometimes something a 30 year old understands, a 11 year old may not. Not for any other reason but time and lived experience. Theres things 30 year olds forget about being 11! That’s how it works.

And while this is less of a problem they may have, it’s something I noticed about the reception of different episodes by fans. The second to last live show I went to I had the enjoyment of listening to two 13/14 year olds sitting behind me offering their vastly different perspectives on some recent episodes, especially given the fact that I heard one of them say they had only just started listening after listening to the first 100 episodes summary. Which brings me to my next point.

Duration

Everything I have said previously comes back to the duration of the show. I think its impressive that its been running for over a decade with consistency. And they should! In a perfect world, WTNV would run forever because of how much I love it. I love this show and I don’t want it to end. HOWEVER. If the quality of something begins to degrade because there is not enough time dedicated to it and the creators no longer find it engaging and exciting then I’d want it to come to an end. They’re people. They want to work on new things. I respect that! And I’d be heartbroken if the show faded out or ended in a rushed manner in an unsatisfying way because they decided on a whim they don’t want to make it anymore.

I think it is a disservice to the work, effort and history of the show for them to create a 100 episode summary and tell people to start there. Idc. “But Bulk people might not want to listen to 10 years worth of podcasting—“ Babes the show is 245 episodes long. They’re like 25 min a pop not including ads. It’s a bimonthly show. Buckle up and settle down. The creators should take pride in their work, and how long the shows been on for, and be encouraging people to start from the beginning. Let people experience for the first time what many people fell in love with. Why on EARTH would you tell people to NOT start at the beginning? To me, as a long time fan, it feels like the creators don’t have faith or pride in their work.

I’m not saying they don’t dedicate time to their show of 10 years, because how could I know that, but, when they don’t fact check (because now there is the precedent of continuity, especially with newer fans, because they chose to write more serially) and they tell fans its ok to not start at episode 1, and they are advertising other projects on WTNV episodes where fans call them out for not fact checking and and and— where does that lead me as a fan? It sometimes makes me feel like they don’t care about what they’re making anymore.

I also think that this show has become a means of income for them. And it has. They have a patreon now, they do shows, they sell merch. What was once a passion project for them is now a product. People who pay for something demand a better quality— thats like almost universally true. And people who are newer fans, and don’t understand what podcasting was like a decade ago, who don’t know what WTNV was like a decade ago, don’t have that background knowledge of what the show was built up on and created as (ie. A bunch of experimentations, think pieces, and whacky one-offs as previously mentioned).

Because they’re telling fans not to listen to the first 100 episodes and focusing on more serial story telling. Am I making sense? It’s all connected and I feel like I’m making sense.

Conclusion

I love WTNV but, in my opinion, it was never meant to be what fans often demand it to be, and the creators sometimes have to respond to. What I fell in love with it for is often the things I see people criticize it for. It’s this story that sort of does what it wants, when it wants, because that’s how it started. It’s grown into something else now, which all things do over time, and I just hope they don’t grow it into something it is not if they aren’t careful. The show was is deeply unserious but also really interesting and exciting and chilling and worth the time spent, despite the ways it may be imperfect. Perfectly imperfect, if you will (wink wink).

You don’t have to agree with what I’ve said here, and maybe none of it reads true for you, because I really am just speculating and offering thoughts, and thats fine! I’d never tell someone their viewing of the show is wrong, but I do think it’s good to stop and think about your favorite pieces of media like this. Anyways thats why it sucks or whatever

#wtnv #ask tag #anon

60 notes · View notes

chiscribbs · 9 months

Text

Apocalypse Future Donnie Concepts

I wasn't actually planning on posting these until I had a definitive final design to share alongside them, but- It's probably going to be a while before that happens and I feel bad for how inactive this blog has been lately. I've been working on stuff, but only in-between projects, and none of it is really ready to post. So, here's a little something to prove that I am still alive. ❤

Donnie's design is so hard to update. It's just...so good in its simplicity??? Every element feels necessary to his character - so figuring out what to keep, what to get rid of, and what to change slightly is a definite challenge. It's even harder when we're given so little (canonical) information about what role he played in the Resistance and what effects the Krang Apocalypse may have had on him...including how long ago he was killed in relation to the movie. Or how he was killed, for that matter.

So, I'm playing around with some potential ideas and trying to get something that feels right - feels like Donnie, but if he had to adapt to the apocalypse (while also trying to stick to the show's simplistic, shape-heavy style, so nothing too terribly detailed or complex.) I'll share a few of these ideas below, for anyone who's interested.

(Also, yes - I know the spot-goatee is in no way an original concept, but I have a deep affection for it and had to include it in my design.)

One of the concepts I'm considering is giving Donnie a prosthetic leg, something to sort of parallel Leo with his Robo-Raph arm. But in Donnie's case, he probably lost his leg long before Raph was killed or maybe even before he built the robots of his family (maybe this serves as the inspiration or catalyst for the idea.) My working theory is that he was attempting to detonate a mine field full of some Krang dogs and something went wrong which caused him to get caught up in the resulting blast. He was lucky enough to keep his life, but lost his leg and probably some of his hearing in the process. Naturally, because it's Donnie (and because they're living through an apocalypse), the leg will be more than just a prosthetic limb - it'll have some kind of weaponry or technological capabilities built into it. Just haven't decided what that's going to be yet, lol.

I'm also toying with the idea of him creating some kind of "Ninpo Protection Device" - something to act as a defense mechanism against the Krang's mystic-cancelling (or, more accurately, locking) abilities. He's testing it on himself before green-lighting it to be used on his brothers (which, obviously, never happens.) The problem is I can't decide how to visibly convey this idea, I was thinking something along the lines of one of those medical aid devices that become permanent attachments to the user's body. But most of the visible parts of his body are covered in natural armor, save for his limbs and head. So figuring out the best placement for a thing like that has been a little challenging.

I was considering giving him a mechanical hand along with/in place of the robotic leg, as well. Reason being - he works primarily with his hands and almost never wears practical protection gear (another thing I tried to partially remedy with the addition of the gloves), so if any part of him is going to be lost, his hands would be the logical first choice. I also think there's a poetic element to the guy who relies on his tech becoming more and more "mechanical" himself (but only in the physical sense). It would also imply that there was a time when he couldn't work as efficiently on his own as he normally is able to, due to having one less hand, so there was likely an adjustment period wherein he had to lean into his mystic abilities (and the aid of others around him) far more than he's used to doing. A little background character development for him, because I love that kind of stuff.

These are about all of the definitive concepts I have for him at the moment, but obviously, I'm nowhere near having a finished design just yet. So, all of these could potentially be scrapped or tweaked in the final version.

If you read this far - kudos! And thanks for your interest! :>

#rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #future donnie #donatello hamato #Honestly - I haven't attempted a design for him yet because I feel like everybody has their own set ideas already.#And a lot of them are just...way better than any ideas I've had so far lol.#But I was kinda happy with the Double Donnies sketch awhile back and thought ''you know what let's try''#And so here we are...trying. I enjoy working out character designs and Don is a fun subject so let's see how this goes.#rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt future timeline #artrehearsals #character design

221 notes · View notes

goaways-stuff · 2 years

Text

ABC's of Sex with Steven Grant

pairing: Steven Grant x gn! reader (mentions Marc and Jake x reader)

warnings: SMUT. LOTS OF IT. slight switch Steven and Reader, professor kink, hand kink, bondage, virgin! Steven, mentions of mental illness and DID, I believe there's some canon level violence, read at your own risk

Summary: A headcanon style fic about the diff aspects of sex with Steven Grant

A/N: I do not have DID myself, so of there is anything that I get wrong/ any harmful stereotypes please call me out. I have done research on DID and do my best to keep it both accurate to real life as well as the show. But I can still get things wrong, so don't hesitate to point anything out :) I also apologize for any writing mistakes

dividers by @firefly-graphics

A=Aftercare

(what he's like after the deed)

Steven is the king of aftercare. He's littering wherever he can reach with kisses, praising you, thanking you. "Fuck, darling, that was amazing, you're amazing," He'd say. If the two of you are up for it, he'll draw a warm bath. You'd bathe each other off, trading compliments and "I love you's." He would get you a little snack and a drink if you wanted, brushing light kisses over any marks he made, a silent apology even though he knew you loved the marks. If neither of you felt like taking a bath, he'd eventually pull himself away from you and return with two warm washcloths as well as a dry one. He'd clean himself off, then you before drying the both of you. He'd leave once more to put the washcloths in the hamper and return for a final time with water for the both of you. He'd slip back in bed with you, holding you tight, as if he was scared you'd go. You returned his praises from earlier, and the two of you traded many "I love you's" before drifting off to sleep.

B=Body Part

(favorite of his and favorite of yours)

Before meeting you, Steven didn't really have a favorite body part. He didn't really have an accurate picture of himself. He knew what he looked like, but things were just off. After meeting you, he'd truly come to sometimes love his looks. Specifically, his hands. Mostly due to your fascination with them. You'd stare at them as he talked, always holding them or fidgeting with his fingers, and he always let you. He also loved how his hands looked roaming your body, squeezing you ass, or bringing you to pleasure inside you. Honorable mention of his curls. He loves when you play with them and put them up into funny hairstyle and pull at them with his head between your legs.

Steven doesn't think he could answer what his favorite body part of yours is. If he was asked, he'd probably go on a long ramble, saying different body parts and the things he liked about each of them. Nope, he definitely could never choose. He loved your tummy, whether it be chubby or skinny or ripped- it didn't matter to him. He loved your thighs, how they squeezed his head when he would give you head. He loved to lie on his back and use them as pillows while reading on his bed or on the couch. He loves your eyes and how they sparkle when you tell a joke or talk about something your passionate about. He loves your smile, and he loves that very often, he's the cause of that smile. You neck, shoulders, ass, hips, nose, hair- you were perfect in every way to him. He could never ever choose.

C=Cum

(where, how much, what he's like, etc)

Steven is the most vocal of the three when he cums. He moaning, grunting, whining. He's praising you for how good you make him feel, how perfect you are. He'll cum wherever you want him to. Inside, in your mouth, on your face, chest, thighs- wherever. He loves all of them. He cums a lot, like you had never seen a bigger load. He was a bit embarrassed at first, but when you swallowed it all down after sucking him off, he actually became quite proud of it.

D=Dirty Secret

(what was he hiding from you until you found out yourself?)

He likes being in control sometimes. Steven spent his whole life being seen as a pushover, as someone people could walk all over, so when given the chance he will show you how much of a pushover he isn't. Don't get him wrong, he loves when you're more in control sometimes, but others he just wants to fuck you until you're crying his name. He wants to leave his marks on you. Who would ever guess that soft, ever so sweet Steven could be so dominant in bed?

E=Experience

(how much/ little does he have?)

You were Steven's first actually, he had been on some dates, but never anything past a makeout sesh. The first time was a bit awkward, but he was so eager to please you. He would ask what made you feel good, let you guide his hand, whatever he could do to learn. He caught on quickly, Steven was a fast learner after all.

F=Favorite Position

(self explanatory)

It's depends, if you're feeling more in control that day, he loves having you on top of him. Being able to see all of you, he loves being able to grab your ass and guide your hips down on him, unable to stop himself from bucking his hips up into yours. If he is feeling more in control, he'll go for the good ole missionary. He just feels so close to you that way, it makes him feel in control. He can pin your arms down and fuck you a proper way into next Sunday. He can reach down and pleasure you more with his hand. He loves how you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer. He also loves seeing your face when you cum. Truly, what gets him off is you getting off. He relishes in your pleasure.

G=Goofy

(is he more goofy or serious in bed?)

Steven has definitely shared some more goofy moments with you in bed, much more than Marc and Jake ever have combined. He's a bit clumsy and has taken a few falls, gotten clothes stuck, and other moments that honestly embarrass him, but make you fall all the more in love with your favorite dork.

H=Hair

(does the carpet match the drapes?)

Since they all share the same body, it's the same for all of them, keep it trimmed and neat- only shaving for special occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, valentine's)

I=Intamacy

(what is his version of intamacy?)

Steven is the most intimate of the three. While Marc and Jake have come a long way, Steven has always had a deep intamacy with you. He's honest about things, wants to share all of what happened to him- tell you everything, and you do the same with him. He loves making love to you telling and showing you how much you mean to him. How much he loves and adores you. He loves hearing every little detail about your day, he'll read you to sleep, come up behind you while you're cooking and rant about how amazing you are. His intamacy extends much beyond the bedroom as it's something he's always longed for.

J=Jack Off

(how, when, where, why does he jack off, if he does?)

Before you, Steven was used to many lonely night with his hand. He would jack off sometimes to keep himself awake, imagining the touch of someone else there with him who loved him despite of what he thought at the time was his sleeping disorder. Now he has you, he doesn't need to jack off- at least by himself. Steven is a pretty big fan of mutual masterbation, but he can't ever keep his hands to himself for too long.

K=Kinks

(what's he into?)

Steven had never really explored his kinks until he met you. He discovered his praise kink, he loved hearing how good he was doing and he returned the same to you. He loves having his hair pulled and sometimes even being tied up. When he's in control, he found out he's what's called a "soft dom." He uses your own pleasure to dominate you, he asks nicely for you to do things for him. He had to admit, he loved seeing you tied up as well, completely at his mercy. He would tell you how pretty you looker for him. He would pleasure you until tears were streaming down your face. "Doing so good for me, baby, so so good. I'm so lucky to have such a sweet little angel, yeah?" Honestly, out of the three of them, you were the best for Steven. To Marc and Jake, you were a big time brat. Smarting off to them, directly disobeying their orders in order to get punished. But with Steven, he just always asked so nicely, making you easily bend to his will. Marc and Jake were honestly a but jealous sometimes about how easily you obeyed Steven, but they also wouldn't trade your brattiness for the world.

L=Location

(where's his favorite place to do it?)

Steven would do it nearly anywhere with you, but his favorite is just the plain old bed in his apartment. It's comfortable, easy to access, and he can fall asleep cuddling you after the deed in it. Though he has to admit, he loved fucking you spread out for him on his desk after you gave him head while he was stuck in a book for an ungodly amount of time.

M=Motivation

(what gets him going?)

Seeing you in his clothes. He had no idea how much that would turn him on. It had been laundry day for you, and you were out of clothes. Lucky for you, Steven's had just come out of the dryer. They were warm and smelled fresh and you found yourself throwing a sweater on with only your last pair of clean underwear. When Steven came home, he swore he nearly creamed his pants at the sight of you. That night, not much sleep was acquired by either of you, and ever since then Steven is constantly letting you wear his clothes, almost to the point where you no longer wear yours.

N=No

(what are his limits?)

Steven could never actually hurt you. He knows that some pain feels good to you, and he's more than willing to do that, but anything to harm you is a no for him.

O=Oral

(is he a giver? a taker?)

Steven is a giver. 100%. He will stay down there as long as you let. Like you will literally have to pull him off of you. He loves feeling your thighs on either side of his head, bringing you pleasure with his mouth. He loves hearing you moan and feeling your body twist and squirm with pleasure. As much as he loves the sights and feelings of you giving him head, he loves giving it to you more.

P=Pace

(how fast, slow, rough, or gentle is he?)

He will go at whatever pace you ask him to. If it's one of those nights where you just need to feel each other abd be in each other's embrace, he'll take it slower, make sweet love to you, show you how much he loves you. Bit as soon as you ask him to go harder or faster, he's right there with you, fucking you into next Sunday.

Q=Quickie

(how's feel about them?)

He's not the biggest fan of them as he prefers to savor the moment and spend as long with you as the both of you can take it, he knows that sometimes a quickie is all either of you can take or have time for. A quickie before a mission also always boosts his confidence.

R=Risk

(is he willing to get a little risky during the frisky?)

He's willing to do nearly anything for you and that includes taking risks in bed. Though, if things don't go exactly how planned, He's profusely apologizing, even if it wasn't his fault. "Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, love Are you okay? Shit, I'm sorry. Lemme help you, yeah? You alright?" No matter how many times you tell him that you're okay and that it wasn't his fault he keeps checking in on you, and you can't help but feel so loved by your sweet boy.

S=Stanima

(How long can he go for?)

It completely depends. The first time you had sex, he came in his pants while you dry humped him. He just couldn't help it, you felt so good and looked so hot, it just happened. But he can also stave off his own pleasure and release for quite awhile. He'll work you up and make you cum until you see starts with his mouth, with his hands before finally sinking into. He loves to edge the both of you, stopping when either of you get close until you're both begging for release.

T=Toys

(does he own any for himself? for you?)

He never had any until he met you. With you though, he loves using them to aid in pleasuring you. Whether it be vibrators, cock rings for you or himself, dildos, literally anything you want- he will get it for you.

U=Unfair

(is he a tease?)

Steven is unfair without always knowing it. He talks with his hands and you can't help but watch as you remember how they feel inside you. He'll roll up his sleeves revealing his gorgeous forearms. Turn around and show off that gorgeous ass. He's such a turn on and most of the time he has no idea until you're literally jumping his bones about to lose your mind over how horny you are.

V=Volume

(how loud or quiet is he during the hanky panky?)

Steven is the loudest of the three, especially after learning how much his noises turn you on. You loves sucking him off and hearing his cries of pleasure. His whines of your name. You loved making him so desperate that he would finally lose some of his gentlemanliness and fuck you until you screamed his name. He will praise you with how good you feel. "Oh fuck, you feel so good, love. So good for me, yeah? So fuckin tight around me. Feel good for you?" You're nodding your head frantically as your words have just become swears, pleas, and Steven's name. "Look at you, look so good like this. Fucked dumb, huh?" Steven took notes from Jake and Marc on dirty talking.

W=Wildcard

(Random headcanon about him. Go!)

Steven has a major professor kink. You'll come up to his desk while he's in the middle of his studies of ancient Eygpt, asking him innocently to tell you what he's reading about. That will start one of his long rants. He's using his hands to talk and there's a sparkle in his eyes that's only there when he's talking about something he holds so dearly. It always starts off innocent, but his ramblings of his vast knowledge of Egypt just turn you on and at some point you're looking at him with hungry eyes. You move your hand to his thigh, rubbing it gently as you nod your head along to whatever he's saying, no longer able to actually pay attention. You breathing becomes more labored as you watch is hands, thinking about feeling them all of your body, inside you. When he finally stops for a breath, you take your chance. You look up at him with doe eyes. "Professor Grant, I just don't think I'm getting this part," You say, pointing at whatever book is on his desk. "Do you think we could go over it again?" After that, it's over for Steven. He has you bent over the desk, reading it out loud to him as he fucks you. He doesn't let you cum until you finish the chapter or whatever and makes you start over everytime you stop for an extended period of time or just fuck up a pronunciation of a god's name.

X=X-ray

(what's going on down there?)

Steven is big and thick. Marc is Jewish, so he's most likely circumcised. His cock is a few shades darker than the rest of his tanned skin and the tip is almost purple-ish (especially when he's aroused)

Y=Yearning

(how horny is he?)

Steven is better at hiding it, but he is a horny bastard just like Marc and Jake. He's almost embarrassed every time he gets aroused, but he can't help it around you. All you have to do is walk into a room and he's staring at you in awe, as if you were the most beautiful piece of artwork in existence. And to him- you are. He just can't believe he got so lucky. He's just lil ol' Steven, and you- you're YOU. So yes, he will take you whenever and where ever you want it.

Z=Zzz

(how fast does he fall asleep after the deed?)

Even though it usually wears him slap out, he keeps himself awake for you. He's determined to make sure you're fully taken care of before he succumbs to sleep. Hell- he'll even wait for you to fall asleep before he finally does. This man is the master of keeping himself awake, no matter how tired he is. You of course, reassure him over and over that you're all good, that he needs his rest, but he's always doing just one last thing for you.

#steven grant x reader #steven grant x male reader #steven grant #steven grant smut #steven x reader #moon knight #moon boys #moon knight headcanon #moon knight smut #mr knight #mr knight x reader #steven grant x y/n #steven grant x you

2K notes · View notes

cleolinda · 7 months

Text

Creepypasta: Ted the Caver (2001)

youtube

There was a season of Are You Scared? that presented some actual famous creepypasta (pasta? pastas?), and I was so giddy about it. I love creepypasta and Weird Internet Fiction, and I recognized all the famous ones right off the bat; the moment there was a season preview and a cave was mentioned, I KNEW. So the episode with "Ted the Caver" instantly became one of my favorites ("GET IN THE FUCKING CAVE, TEDDY!!"). But it also kills me that the show presents the final installment as if it's the whole story: just one spooked, caveless guy wandering around meebling about his spelunking obsession. Buddy, there is SO MUCH caving in the full version, you don't even know. There is NONE MORE CAVING:

[Note: The original Angelfire site still works, but while I was researching this, I started running into malware. As such, I'm going to also link you to an unofficial mirror of the site at a creepypasta wiki.]

But I get it: there's no way to read the entire story aloud for a half-hour show. It was originally published as an unassuming hobbyist blog in 2001, and "Ted the Caver" is partly so effective because it is genuinely just an amateur caving blog for about 10,000 words. My understanding is that the author really is a caving enthusiast—I mean, he'd have to be, because the story is filled with actual photos of him and a friend chipping their way through a hole the size of a baseball into a cave they dub "Floyd's Tomb." So this was a real expedition... that the author wrote a delightful little spoop around.

Honestly, the real horror for me isn't even the Descent-style Something that seems to be living down there; it's the genuine terror of these fools squeezing themselves through eight-inch openings into the bowels of the earth, God bless. You can tell the mundane aspects are absolutely true to life, because the squeezing and the scraping and the panic—I'll just stop there, in case anyone has any phobias, claustro or otherwise. If I didn't before, I do now.

But it also has to be noted, "real horror" is what "Ted the Caver" is all about: the horror of a story backed up by reams of accurate detail and told through a really, really basic-ass Angelfire website. (I say this lovingly, as someone who had a shitty Geocities site herself.) It truly looks like it's just someone's blog—because that's mostly what it really is. Who wrote it? Well, an actual guy named Ted:

Well, I guess it’s time I add my two cents to the topic. My name is Ted and I am the author of the story you have been discussing. I am the original author. I created the story on my own and copied no one

...he wrote, in response to a plagiarism accusation (turns out the other guy copied him, and closely at that).

Between December 30, 1999 and February 24, 2000 Brad and I worked on a passage in Freeway cave. We made numerous trips, and spent many hours of hard work, before we were finally able to get through the opening and into the new section of cave. During the course of our adventure I kept a caving journal and documented our activities surrounding our attempts to be the first people to enter the new passage. Since we were giving friends and family members updates as we worked, I thought it would be a good idea to put my entire journal on a web page, along with our pictures, then we could simply refer people to the site. The thought then occurred to me: It sure would be fun to embellish the story a little!

Ted hasn't given his full name, but he is an actual Ted, it seems. And honestly, as much as I would like him to be credited as openly as Eric Heisserer is for "The Dionaea House," it really works in the story's favor that it's so difficult to figure out who wrote it. Not to spoil you, but the story told by the blog, much to Shane and Ryan's frustration in the video above, ends in a single puff of irony:

See all of you soon, with a lot of answers! Love, Ted

Magnificent. Because, let's face it: if a cave monster really did eat trap and eat your friend, isn't this what it would look like? No silly explanation for how a video camera somehow made it back to his friends and family from, like, the center of the fucking earth through a hole the size of a cantaloupe. No, your man there is just gone. And he's given enough detail in previous entries for you to imagine that what he finally came face to face with down there is Not Good. That's enough.

#creepypasta #internet fiction #first look on patreon #claustrophobia #spooky season #halloween everyday #watcher #are you scared #video #long post

75 notes · View notes

wingzie · 10 months

Text

Behind the Screen

The Beginning

On 20th September 2020 I posted my first ever Live Reactions on GCF in Tokyo. I was very nervous. In a world full of so much hate, would my attempt to go back in time to reminisce together and spread positivity be accepted? I wasn’t so sure. My idea behind the very concept of Live Reactions was because I was sick of so many fights about GCF in Tokyo. I wanted to show the true loving reactions to these moments, without all the drama that ends up going around in a vicious cycle. Thus, I started doing some research.

After I finished advanced searching on various social media platforms, I got ready to make the thread. I found myself quickly enjoying looking through old posts. It was fun and I think that’s a big part of why I am still making these now, nearly three years later. Plus the support. Once the thread was made, I posted it and actually hid my phone. I came back to it about an hour later and was very surprised to see such a huge response to it. At the time, it was one of my most popular posts and instantly there was a desire for more.

I decided to throw myself into it. If people wanted more, then I was happy to help with that! Especially when it was making so many people happy. I made a new Google Drive account and a spreadsheet to go with it, so that I could keep track of which Jikook moments I had already done or not. Over time, I would start formatting my posts properly and understand how the advanced search function worked on Twitter. I am a History and English major, so being accurate is very important to me. This gave birth to my second style of posts: Discussion and timeline threads. The Unexpected

Though these threads are well received and made with a lot of love, there was a dark side to this that I have never really spoken about before. The jikooker hierarchy is a strange one and is one that I try to ignore, but with that comes consequences and a certain isolation. A group of jikookers did not like that my account had apparently grown from out of nowhere and started spreading rumours about me, my posts and my identity. This hurt because I had never spoken to these people before. I would love it if we actually conversed, because I enjoy talking to people and I like to think that I am a pleasant person. But they were not interested and instead they continued to try and tarnish my name. I decided to come out to my closest friends and just continued what I was always doing.

I mostly ignored the bullying and it soon stopped once they realised that I was really not interested in the drama. I never have been and never will. After all, that was the main reason I started this journey of making threads. To try and counter the hate and drama, I just never expected it from my own side. It made me more determined than ever and I also made a promise to myself, to make sure others NEVER experienced what I did. A good friend of mine recently revealed that I was one of the only ones that would reply to their curious messages about Jikook. I feel like this is also something important: How we are seen from the outside. We want Jikook to be recognized for their bond and their talent. But how can we do that if all we do is fight or act better than others? I will always be here to talk or help others, it’s just in my nature to do so.

The Present and The Future

In the last few months or so my life has changed dramatically, in real life and also online. I have lost family members, got a new job and I am currently on carers leave. I decided to bring my laptop in the hope that I could work on some posts whilst everything was happening. I have (somehow) managed to find a balance between both and now have a loose schedule that I try to follow. I also try to not pressure myself whenever there is a new Jikook moment to instantly start working on it. I used to get really stressed, but now I am much better. One thing, however, is making this whole process rather difficult. Twitter. Or “X” as it’s now called. I can no longer just work on a post whenever I want to, I have to be time conscious. I currently have four accounts and have to rotate between them. Last night Jungkook went on We-live, with Jimin active in the comments. Jikookory happened. It was around 2am my time, but I’m still struggling to sleep in case I am needed. I decided to work on getting screenshots and it was hard. The search function does not work as well as it used to and my timeline is messed up on my backup accounts. There’s probably a case study that can be done here, but I just really wanted to work on a post without being restricted. I continued though, determined to show what others see. Sometimes we’re only aware of what is is happening in our own circles and not what is going on around us. Those that are in personal spaces with me know my deep frustration with all of this. On my Birthday, my main account got double limited and then my second account got locked. It was not fun. However, I refuse to give up. I have already completed my scheduled posts for August and September and am (very slowly) working on posts ready for November and December. Assuming that “X” is still around then. If not, I’ll post elsewhere or here. And for those asking why I haven’t been posting on here, my account seems to be bugged and won’t let me post links or videos in text posts for some reason. No idea why. Guess I don’t have much luck with social media platforms. With the way things are right now, this is a promise. I will continue to keep doing what I have been doing over all these years. It might be harder but I still have that same goal that I’ve always had: To spread postivity and appreciation for Jikook for all in a safe environment. Love you all.

#wingzie

60 notes · View notes

ladamedusoif · 5 months

Text

Apron (Marcus Moreno x F!Reader)

A Merry Fic-Mas - December 19

Part of A Merry Fic-Mas: A Pedro Boy Holiday Fic Calendar - click for masterlist! (Yes I know I’m behind)

Follow my writing sideblog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to keep up with my work.

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x F!Music Teacher Reader

Word Count: 650

Rating: Mature (18+ MDNI)

Warnings: Fluff; light smut; implied smut; no use of Y/N; no physical description of reader.

A/N: I’ve imagined this as a continuation of ‘Music’, but you can read it as a standalone, too!

You knew Marcus enjoyed the holidays. You just didn’t realise quite how much he enjoyed them.

You’d been together almost a year now, dating quietly and building up a solid, serious relationship ever since the now-infamous kiss on stage at the holiday concert at Missy’s school the year before. The principal had not taken kindly to their music teacher kissing a pupil’s dad mid-show, but some thoughtful discussions between you, them, and (separately) Marcus had eventually won them over, and you escaped with a warning and a promise to exercise discretion.

As you approached your first anniversary, you saw just how committed to the season Marcus Moreno actually was: holding ladders while he draped strings of bright white outdoor lights along the line of the roof; witnessing him and Missy bickering in the car over the best hot chocolate stall on the way to the local Christmas market; and becoming his accomplice in some less-than-successful attempts at Christmas baking.

“They might be a little, um, crunchy,” Marcus warns as he nibbles (or, more accurately, gnaws) on one of the gingerbread people you’d just made. His bright red apron is covered in flour, and every time you look at it you can’t help but laugh. It’s emblazoned with a slogan in bright white letters: THIS GUY LOVES CHRISTMAS!

Accurate.

You dunk yours in your cup of coffee. “All the better for dunking with.”

He chuckles and leans back against the kitchen counter as you idly reach over and run your fingers through his hair. “I’ve always meant to ask you about this apron, Marcus. A personal purchase, or…?”

He blushes a little. “A gift from the other Heroics, last year.”

“I like it,” you muse, fingers running along the heavy cotton fabric that covers his chest. “It looks really good on you.”

Marcus raises his eyebrows and quirks his mouth. “If I’d known you were into novelty aprons, baby, I’d have worn it sooner.”

***

You mark your anniversary quietly, at his place. Missy is out for the night, at a sleepover with her best friend, and Marcus has arranged for a fancy local restaurant to deliver a meal so you can dine at home in style.

Two glasses of champagne are forgotten, half-drunk, on the coffee table as you make out on the living room couch. With your legs wrapped around his waist, Marcus trails his hands under the burgundy velvet dress you wore for the special occasion and stops suddenly.

“Stockings?”

You smile coyly and arch an eyebrow. “Take me to bed and find out, baby.”

He kisses your décolletage and grins. “I might even have a surprise of my own waiting up there. Let’s go.”

***

He undresses you carefully, methodically, kissing each newly-exposed part of your body with reverence and love. When you’re down to your underwear, he pulls away and murmurs something in your ear about your surprise.

“Close your eyes.”

You can hear Marcus’s remaining clothes falling to the floor and you wonder what awaits you.

“Open your eyes.”

You take him in from the bottom up, eyes trailing over his beautiful body as you realise he’s completely naked.

Well, except for one thing.

“Oh, my god. The apron?”

Marcus grins and wiggles a little, moving back towards the bed. “You said I looked good in it, so…”

“So?”

He leans down and kisses you deeply as your hands reach for his ass, palms gently squeezing each cheek as Marcus hums with pleasure. You tug the ties of the apron until it falls forward, and lift it over his head so that he’s completely bare before you.

“So…happy anniversary, my love.”

#a merry fic-mas #holiday fic calendar #marcus moreno x f!reader #marcus moreno #marcus moreno fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal

29 notes · View notes

littlestsnicket · 25 days

Note

I thought his S2 hair was his real hair, too, for some reason.

Actually, no, that's not quite accurate.

I initially thought BOTH his S2 and S3 hair were wigs, because that's what everyone kept saying.

And so, the moment Joey corrected, in a S3 interview, that his long hair was his real hair, I automatically assumed that meant that his S2 hair was his real hair, too (if people had been wrong about it having been a wig in S3, why not S2?).

Because his hair in S2 interviews appears to be just a bit longer than it is in S2 (not quite S3 long, but getting there...).

So, I'd assumed he'd let his hair grow out between S1 and S3; and he'd cut it after they'd finished filming "Blood Origin" (so thankfully, that wouldn't have been because of the negative feedback he'd received about his hair in S3, since it was back to being short during "Blood Origin" interviews. I think he'd said something about it just being really hot and essentially bothering him).

Did Joey ever confirm his S2 hair was a wig? Or that's just what people have all been assuming?

And OMFG! YES!!! That jacket is so freaking iconic! It's gotta stay!

By now, it's like the character's uniform, or his unique signature look or something!

Mind you, I'm not opposed to the idea of Jaskier having another secondary outfit he alternates with in S4 and S5, and/or wearing something a bit different under his jacket (S2 and S3 had different shirts and vests, but kept the same style).

Plus, he could find himself wearing something completely different at some point, if the goal is for him to attempt to avoid being too easily recognized / spotted (the jacket makes it really easy for him to be identified) for a little while.

But that jacket needs to remain Jaskier's go to, default look, because it's that awesome!

joey has definitely talked about wearing a wig for season 2, growing his hair out for season 3 because he hated wearing a wig, and cutting his hair off immediately after they finished filming season 3 because having hair that is touching your neck but not long enough to put up is gross when it's really hot out (and yeah, i relate, there are numerous reasons why i am happiest with a pixie cut or past shoulder length hair). (and joey's bit of blood origin was filmed during season 3.)

i think it gets a bit confusing because lots of people don't realize how long post production takes, and therefore how long the gap between filming and the press interviews are. for the season 2 press tour, joey would have been well into growing his hair out for season 3 already. and you can see he had short hair in all of the behind the scenes stuff they filmed during season 2. (there's also a moment in the behind the scenes stuff for season 3, where there's a bunch of shots of joey recording songs and he's wearing the same sweater in all of them but in half of them he's already cut his hair... that may make me sound insane that i noticed this but oh well.)

i'm not really sure why people were saying joey was wearing a wig in season 3... it got passed around so much before the show came out that i assumed that for a bit as well, but i honestly think it's just trendy to hate on wigs right now, and most people have no idea what they are talking about. but also, joey's hair looks nearly as dark as anya's in the season 2 press tour, so it looks like it's the wrong color, but i should not have been fooled by that since my own hair ranges from quite dark brown to nearly blond depending on lighting, sun exposure, and how clean it is :)

and yes! the jacket! it is so iconic!

i, personally, love when characters have uniforms. not necessarily the same exact clothes all the time, but iconic items or a color scheme they stick to... i am here for it. i think for his character, it doesn't make a lot of sense for jaskier to be carting around an extra jacket, or many clothes. he would definitely buy or steal a new one for a special occasion of if he needed to hide his identity, but our bard is itinerant and travels light especially when he doesn't have geralt to carry things (or maybe more importantly keep track of the things, but that it leaning a lot more into headcanon now) for him.

#mayo replies #thelostgirl21 #the witcher #jaskier #thank you for the excuse to ramble a bit :D #twn

13 notes · View notes

bonnieura · 4 months

Text

I think my favorite thing in the world is connecting/referencing historical figures for clone characters. i dont think i am Being clear right now. like get this: referencing the historical figure the clone was cloned from?? I love that so much. making the little connections between them and the person they were based off. as much as i love the idea of the clones being their own person n shit in the end (and in the lore imo) they ARE a clone . They have their DNA and they share almost the same attributes . like what do you MEAN jfk doesnt have blue eyes????? Like if the guy he was based off, the president, had blue eyes he has a right to have them too. i think thats the only headcanon ive ever had for a character and i dont even THINK its a headcanon because like? why wouldnt jfk have blue eyes did they fuck up the dna or something?? labrat malfunction?? i think the reason why they dont appear in the show is because of the show's style. and with this logic that means abe has blue eyes too, and im not just talking about eyes im speaking for every single other attribute the h!figure had [im just using eye colours as an example]

i also like to believe this when it comes to facial features too. because again theyre clones of the dna so likeeeeee why wouldnt they look exact! if not exact then at least considerably similar. that's just my opinion though. like you cant tell me this isnt what any of the characters look like

okay KIDDING! but like i do enjoy and completely support the idea of the characters at least showing some great resemblance to the people they were cloned from . like thats just a must. and honestly i really love little references OUTSIDE their appearance, like secondary personality traits or something. parts of their childhood (which is honestly not a wide field of interpretation because.. 16 still IS childhood at least compared to the real ages of the historical figures so theres not a lot of room for improvising i suppose) or even references to their later life? I find that so cool. i really enjoy it whenever i see someone's interpretation of a clone containing little neat trivia that directly corresponds to their clone father. I am such a sucker for u.s history you do NOT know how HAPPY it makes me see to see people actually talk about like abraham lincoln or something or lem billings when referring to whether or not jfk (clone high) was/is bisexual or not ((((and ive seen people theorize his sexuality based off john f kennedy's sexuality which is a whoooole other can of worms)))))))) like i just get so excited because That Means I Can Add A Lot More Trivia And Fun Facts For Them And I Like That . I Like being Historically Accurate and adding Fun References for those who Do Know. I would write more but im tired like shiiiiiiit ok god goodbye

#media analysis #clone high #Dude.......i love being autistic (sarcasm)#i wouldve written so much more tbh but my brain is so overfilled right now #pt2 one day?#fandom

21 notes · View notes

emotionallychargedtowel · 1 year

Text

re-evaluating pursuing & distancing in Utsukushii Kare season 1

I promised an analysis of Utsukushii Kare season 2 overall a while back. I ended up rewatching the whole series to try to get everything fresh and accurate in my mind, which was helpful, but it also gave me, well, too many ideas for one post. So now the plan is to address these thoughts in chunks that will hopefully add up to something useful.

I started my examination of pursuer-distancer dynamics in Utsukushii Kare with a pretty strong assumption that while their ways of fulfilling their roles were sometimes unusual, Hira was definitely the pursuer in the relationship and Kiyoi was the distancer. As I watched season 2, I increasingly saw Kiyoi as pursuing Hira. But now that I’ve gone back and rewatched the whole series, I think I failed to recognize the ways in which Kiyoi was always pursuing Hira. I think this shift in my thinking really sheds some light on other aspects of their relationship and the story more broadly, and it shows more continuity between seasons 1 and 2 than I had previously noticed.

I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s a real difference between the kind of pursuit where you are seeking to establish a relationship with someone and the kind where you are seeking intimacy with someone you’re already in a relationship with. And these differences often map onto role differences and relational styles, including gendered ones. Think about how things go in a stereotypical, heteronormative relationship. Before a relationship is established, men are supposed to make the first move (women, on the other hand, can face negative consequences if they try this). But once a relationship is under way, we’re more likely to see women pursuing and men distancing when it comes to intimacy. (A frequent exception is pursuing physical intimacy, which can often be an area in which roles are flipped, with pursuers becoming distancers and vice versa.) At the same time, intimacy-seeking can happen outside of a fully formed romantic relationship. In other words, the kind of pursuing that happens within a relationship can also happen before a relationship has fully gotten off of the ground.

I’m going to try to maintain distinctions between the following types of pursuit:

Pursuing contact; making an effort to spend time with the other person. (This type can happen within an effort to form a relationship or within an existing one and these contexts can cause big differences.)

Pursuing emotional intimacy, including showing vulnerability, self-disclosing, and processing/resolving problems in the relationship. (This type is most crucial after a relationship has started but not only can it occur before that, it really needs to in order for the relationship to start on a meaningful basis.)

Pursuing physical intimacy; this doesn’t necessarily have to mean sexual contact only, but some non-sexual types of physical intimacy could be primarily/entirely about emotional intimacy and then they’d be a better fit with that category than this one.

(By the way, these aren’t from any sort of existing typology I found or anything like that. They’re just categories that came up and seemed significant as I was looking at examples here.)

Next, I’m going to to through a timeline of Hira and Kiyoi’s relationship in season 1 with an eye toward who is engaged in some kind of pursuit of contact and/or intimacy. This is a close read and rather lengthy but for folks who are engaged enough with this show to want to dig into the story deeply I hope it’ll be interesting.

This is also the kind of thing that I would expect folks to be able to legitimately disagree about. A lot of our perceptions of these things will be affected by our own frames of reference and the roles we tend to take up in relationships.

I want to note that I think there’s a real difference between pursuing vs. distancing and the seme/uke trope. Actually, looking closely at Utsukushii Kare has really informed how I see this. I’m still working out what I think about it at this point, but for now I’ll just say that despite seeming like they’d overlap a lot, pursuer/distancer and seme/uke roles don’t map onto one other very readily. Actually, I’m increasingly finding that it’s often ukes who do more pursuing with regard to emotional intimacy than semes, which seems important. Anyway, I’ll circle back to that eventually.

One final note before I get started: I keep forgetting to credit @lollipopsub for their excellent subtitles, which I’m referring to in almost every case here and in my other posts, so I’m circling back with an edit to add a tag for them here. I highly recommend checking out their stuff. They pay a lot of attention to important details, give well-placed translator’s notes, and have really helped with my understanding of the show.

On to the season 1 timeline!

Kiyoi “saves” Hira on their first day by walking into class late when he’s struggling with introducing himself to the class. Not really an interaction, per se. They do make strong impressions on each other that set them up for what happens later. Hira says Kiyoi “grabbed hold of me like a tidal wave” from that first time he saw him. Kiyoi sees Hira as a “useless loser” but he’s so struck by “the look in his eyes as if I were the only thing in the world” that he becomes curious about him.

Who’s pursuing here? No one, really. Except that Hira’s way of looking at Kiyoi is so intense and conspicuous that it could really be considered a kind of pursuit (a theme that continues as the story progresses).

(screenshot via Foreigner on MDL )

Hira walks up to Kiyoi as he’s laying down (seemingly asleep) on a bank of lockers in an otherwise uninhabited classroom. Kiyoi is actually pretending to be asleep. “I didn’t care about him,” he says later, “I just wanted to see what he’d do–this guy who was always staring at me. That was all.” When Hira looks at him pretending to sleep and whispers “so beautiful” to himself, Kiyoi says it’s “the first time I’d received a compliment so earnest,” and that he “wanted those eyes on me again.” In retrospect, he realizes there was “a desire in me” that he “didn’t yet know how to name”--that he was starting to have feelings for Hira. Hira also thanks Kiyoi for what happened on “introduction day” and Kiyoi responds by saying, “What the hell. You’re gross.”

Who’s pursuing here? Kiyoi set up the interaction in a way, but it’s also partly a matter of chance. Hira isn’t pursuing Kiyoi when he calls him beautiful as he doesn’t think he’s awake. Kiyoi’s rude comments could be seen as distancing (though they may appeal to Hira).

(screenshot via amigo_love on MDL)

Hira and Kiyoi get assigned to cleaning duty together and stuff ensues. At first, Hira is distressed by this. “A king and a commoner like me aren’t supposed to mingle,” he thinks. Kiyoi uses the cleanup duty assignment to rope Hira into doing things for him and the whole Shirota crew. This is one of the few times that Kiyoi actively chooses something that leads to Hira being bullied or dominated, and it’s a decisive choice. He’s not thinking about it that way, of course. “It started out just as a whim. I had to know what he wanted from me. I had to know the emotions hiding behind those eyes.” But once Hira waits for a table at the diner for the group, his “gofer” role is pretty much established.

Who’s pursuing here? Kiyoi. Neither of them chose the cleaning duty assignment, but once it happens, Kiyoi wrangles Hira into being a “gofer” in order to find out more about him.

Hira follows Kiyoi after seeing him on the street and learns he takes dance classes; they have a conversation in which Kiyoi asks him to keep this a secret from the others at school. Hira isn’t trying to interact with Kiyoi here. He just wants to watch him. Kiyoi’s wise to ask Hira not to talk about the dance classes. Later events show that if their peers had learned about them he may well have been targeted for bullying. The interaction about the secret is important. Kiyoi is left wondering if Hira is “different from the rest” and finds his heart racing during their conversation, and Hira thinks, “it’s the first time I ever looked this directly at someone.”

Who’s pursuing here? Neither of them. They get to know each other better and end up sharing a secret, but neither intentionally created the situation or took advantage of it much. (

(screenshot via Vanessa Ferey on MDL)

Kiyoi suggests having the summer break get-together at Hira’s house and he chooses to come with Hira to get ice cream when he could easily have avoided it. The fact that Hira lives alone is a handy excuse to meet with the others there. We never get any detail on Kiyoi’s perspective on this interaction, but it would stand to reason if he had remained intrigued by Hira. After the girls protest when Kiyoi draws the short straw that would make him accompany Hira to the store, Hira offers to go on his own. But Kiyoi leaves soon after and catches up with him. It’s completely his decision. This leads to Kiyoi riding on the back of Hira’s bike and the two of them getting in trouble. Hira, of course, comes up with other reasons in his mind for Kiyoi’s decisions, such as wanting to make sure Hira was really keeping his secret.

Who’s pursuing here? Kiyoi. He creates the situation by initiating the hangout, then makes a point of going with Hira on his errand.

Hira and Kiyoi speak alone after Kiyoi loses the contest. Hira plays a more active role in creating this situation. He follows Kiyoi backstage and sees him cry and punch a wall in response to not performing as well in the contest as he’d hoped. Then, when Kiyoi leaves the diner, he follows him to, well, whatever that place is with the circular bench and the fairy lights. I’d actually forgotten something important about this scene. Hira follows Kiyoi, but Kiyoi does something surprising once he sees him. Well, first he calls him “stalker.” But then, pretty much out of the blue, he tells Hira, “As a kid, I dreamed of getting inside the TV,” and goes on to confide in him about his childhood dreams of becoming a performer. This is very out of the ordinary for him and involves seriously vulnerable stuff. This is probably one of the reasons he turns on Hira so quickly afterward–he seems to feel overexposed. At that point, he pushes Hira away more strongly than at any other point in season 1, responding to his declaration that he likes him “like crazy” by saying, “I hate you like crazy! You’re fucking disgusting.”

Who’s pursuing here? Hira is literally pursuing Kiyoi by following him around at two different points. But it’s notable that Kiyoi pursues Hira emotionally by opening up to him in such an unguarded way (even if he does become guarded again super quickly).

Shirota dumps tomato juice on Kiyoi, Hira defends him, and they talk in an empty classroom afterward, leading to the famous hand kiss. Neither Kiyoi nor Hira initiates the event that brings them together–it’s obviously not either’s idea for Shirota to bully Kiyoi in this way. Hira responds with a degree of loyalty (and violence) that makes a huge impression on Kiyoi. Hira also goes and sits with Kiyoi afterward of his own accord. Their subsequent conversation is a turning point in their relationship. Kiyoi guides the conversation into very personal subject matter, asking if Hira “likes men.” Hira, of course, completely misses the subtext that this would be something he’d have in common with Kiyoi. He responds by telling Kiyoi that he is the only person he is now, or has ever been, attracted to. Then Kiyoi asks Hira if he wants to kiss him and offers him his hand. He fakes him out at first, pulling his hand away at the last moment. But he still presents it again and lets Hira kiss it.

Who’s pursuing here? Hira does take some initiative, both by defending Kiyoi and going to sit with him. But it’s Kiyoi who controls the conversation and steers it toward personal topics and subject matter related to their relationship, and it’s Kiyoi who offers to let Hira kiss his hand.

Hira and Kiyoi start hanging out together regularly. After the juice incident, they start spending time together pretty often. Hira doesn’t seem to invest any meaning in the timing of this, but it’s obvious that between the way he defended him and the significance of their interaction afterward, there’s been a shift in how Kiyoi sees their relationship. Kiyoi actually hinted at their spending more time together even before this, like after their water-fight when he tells Hira that he needs to stay stocked up on ginger ale at home (and then good ol’ oblivious Hira thinks, “Why would he say that?”). But the day of the juice incident clinched it for Kiyoi. He still has his doubts about Hira in some ways, but his loyalty and protectiveness at a time when others abandoned him was a big deal. As Kiyoi puts it, “he sacrifices everything for my sake.”

Who’s pursuing here? We don’t see anyone initiating hanging out, but let’s get real. It was Kiyoi. Hira would never.

And then we come to the final moment of their time in high school: the graduation day kiss. This is almost entirely Kiyoi’s doing. He goes off by himself to a secluded place after making sure that Hira hears him announcing he’s leaving. It’s up to Hira to follow him, which he does. Kiyoi desperately wants Hira to make some kind of declaration of love or put the moves on him somehow, but as usual Hira is way too oblivious to pick up on any hint of that. So Kiyoi has to take action himself. He kisses Hira, freaks out, and runs off. To most people, kissing someone is interpreted as a sign that you might be interested in them romantically and/or sexually. Naturally, Hira interprets it as “a kiss given out of pity,” Kiyoi’s way of “telling me to stop chasing him.” It’s pretty frustrating to hear Hira go on from there to say that “every word that passes Kiyoi’s lips never leaves my mind….I embrace everything that Kiyoi gives me,” when he’s actually rejecting what Kiyoi is offering him and putting words in his mouth. I guess he’s just working overtime to convince himself. And then, of course, he changes his phone number for no actual reason.

Who’s pursuing here? It’s Kiyoi again. Hira followed him to the back of the school, as he was intended to. That’s his contribution. Kiyoi orchestrated the whole thing and when it was clear Hira wasn’t going to do anything, he planted one on him. And then Hira pulled a massive distancing move. He misinterpreted Kiyoi to an extent that seems almost willful, stopped trying to see him, and changed his phone number, making it impossible for Kiyoi to reach him.

Aaaaaand then after more than a year apart, Hira and Kiyoi meet up again when Koyama takes Hira to the play Kiyoi is in. Kiyoi hears about someone named Hira from the older Koyama, one thing leads to another, and he arranges for Hira to be invited to the play. He’s not exactly friendly when they do see each other, but for Hira, being called “stalker” is a form of flirting. Hira provides his trademark stare which, to be fair, seems to be a big part of what Kiyoi was hoping for. But he doesn’t stay for the afterparty or do anything to maintain contact with Kiyoi.

Who’s pursuing here? Kiyoi pulled all the strings and all Hira did was do his trademark stare. Though maybe I shouldn’t downplay that since it’s actually a pretty big deal to Kiyoi.

(screenshot via Ginger Ale on MDL)

Hira goes to the play a second time in a terrible disguise, attends the afterparty, and hangs out with Kiyoi in the park, after which Kiyoi asks him if he’s dating Koyama. Did Hira actually make a move this time? Maybe. He went to see Kiyoi’s play again, without Koyama this time, while wearing a really obvious disguise that made him stand out even more than his usual appearance. Kiyoi invited him to the afterparty again and he went. Those two weirdos spent the whole party obsessing over each other from across the room, drank too much because they were too worked up, and ended up sobering up in the park. They have a pretty decent conversation where Kiyoi dropped lots of hints and Hira got none of them, culminating in Kiyoi asking him at the train station if he’s dating Koyama and an oblivious Hira being like, “why do you ask?”

Who’s pursuing here? Well, Hira does come to the play of his own volition, which is something, but his disguise implies he wasn’t actually trying to interact with Kiyoi, just watch him from afar…unless a part of him knows it sucks? Kiyoi makes a good effort with the hints and making cute lil faces at Hira. It’s all for nought but at least he’s trying.

Kiyoi calls Hira (while pretending it was a wrong number), uses it as an excuse to ask if he can rehearse at his house, then shows up and finds Koyama clinging to him. Kiyoi plays off the phone call like it was an accident, which is somewhat shitty. But at least he reached out. Hira says yes to the rehearsing thing. It’s not his fault Koyama tackles him just as Kiyoi is walking in (on purpose?). Kiyoi pulls his usual “I don’t give a shit” thing in response.

Who’s pursuing here? Kiyoi initiates contact, albeit in a fairly cowardly way. Hira is receptive but doesn’t do much. But it’s not his fault Koyama cockblocked him.

Hira fills in for the lighting person at Kiyoi’s play, stuff happens, yada yada, he licks the blood off of Kiyoi’s hurt finger, almost kisses him but doesn’t, then tells Kiyoi he can’t date him because he’s a king and he’s just his servant, after which he totally ignores Kiyoi telling him he likes him back. This is all after Koyama tells Kiyoi what Hira told him about the one beautiful person he’d taken photos of and how he loved them beyond reason and arranges for Hira to pick up that lighting shift so they’ll have a reason to see each other. Kiyoi kicks a table leg out of frustration and they end up getting knocked down by a bunch of junk and Kiyoi’s finger gets hurt, which leads to the licking situation, and almost-kiss, and Hira full-on rejecting Kiyoi whether he realizes it or not.

Who’s pursuing here? Well, honestly, Koyama’s doing more to help than either of these two goofballs. Kiyoi’s fed up from the start and I can’t blame him. Hira’s inability to process information that doesn’t match up with his personal mythology is on clear display here. There’s a reason this is their lowest point during season 1.

Hira tells Kiyoi over voicemail that he’s going to the place he first “saved” him (their high school) to “dedicate the night” to his love for him, after which he’ll forget him (sure you will, buddy). Kiyoi shows up, there’s a chase and a scuffle, and they finally have it out, then get together. Hira does something decisive here for once. He says he’s serious about putting their relationship behind him, but he’s clearly disappointed when he thinks Kiyoi won’t come. It’s extremely on-brand for Hira to reach out to someone not by explicitly seeking connection but by expressing his (supposed) resignation and hoping they’ll swoop in. Kiyoi tells himself he won’t come, then does, then runs away as soon as Hira sees him. When they do start to talk, Hira says a lot of the usual Hira things. Talking about how much he loves him, begging him not to go. But he offers little else until Kiyoi shifts things by opening up big time, including telling him yet again that he returns his feelings (in a really angry way–I’m pretty sure it’s the only confession I’ve seen in a drama that involves someone yelling “baka!” at the object of their affections–but it’s understandable). Kiyoi goes through their history and points out example after example of how Hira expressed through words and actions that he loved Kiyoi but failed to follow through, even though at times he was pretty clear about reciprocating his feelings (especially when he kissed him). We know from season 2 that Hira doesn’t really internalize the part about not viewing Kiyoi as a “king,” but at least in this moment, he seems to at least sort of get that Kiyoi likes him back and that he needs for him to see that and respond instead of talking himself into an imaginary rejection. Hira does put himself out there in one really notable way: he asks if he can touch Kiyoi, hugs him, and then lays him down on a danged desk and makes out with him. It’s honestly a red letter day for Hira showing some guts.

Who’s pursuing here? Although it’s in a backhanded way, Hira initiates this interaction. And in a way, he shows vulnerability and genuinely tries to engage Kiyoi. But things only start to change, start to open up the possibility of a real relationship, when Kiyoi opens up about his feelings for Hira and how Hira’s behavior has affected him. That said, Hira makes a big contribution too by literally reaching out to Kiyoi and initiating making out with him like he’s an “ordinary” human being.

That’s the timeline. Now, a few big themes and tendencies to note:

Most opportunities for contact were created or facilitated by Kiyoi.

When someone showed vulnerability or made the first move to connect emotionally, it was almost always Kiyoi (though both characters are still very guarded at this point).

Hira’s declarations of love and frequent compliments are tricky to categorize here. There can be an element of vulnerability in expressing these feelings, but it’s not the same as the kind of self-disclosure Kiyoi engages in, and sometimes Hira’s idealization of Kiyoi is itself a form of distancing (e.g. not being able to date “the king”).

Hira’s way of looking at Kiyoi–like, literally, the staring, meaningful looks, eye-fucking, whatever you want to call it–does seem to function as a kind of pursuit at least some of the time. It often impacts Kiyoi in that way. But it’s not exactly a straightforward move.

Both characters seek physical intimacy in different ways/at different times. Kiyoi proposes the hand kiss and kisses Hira on graduation day, while Hira does the hand thing (!) and initiates touching, hugging, and eventually the whole classroom table makeout situation.

There are also some obvious contextual factors that should be kept in mind here. The big ones that come to mind for me are:

Their power differential–Kiyoi has a great deal more social status and related power than Hira, particularly in high school.

The fact that they first got to know one another in this hierarchical context is bound to set them up for certain habits and expectations. Hira literally acted as a kind of servant for Kiyoi and the rest of the Shirota crew at first!

Both characters are deeply affected by their past experiences with peers. For Hira, this mostly involves a history of bullying, being ignored, and being excluded (in part due to ableism). For Kiyoi, his past experiences looked favorable on the surface but were seriously lacking when it came to authenticity or real intimacy.

We shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that Hira’s stuttering is a disability. The negative peer experiences I just mentioned had at least some basis in ableism and really, it might account for all or nearly all of them. The wear and tear on his psyche of dealing with pervasive ableism and the bullying and aggression that comes with it can’t be overstated. This also helps with understanding some of his maladaptive coping strategies (which it seems were actually pretty adaptive in the past).

I’ll return to the pursuer/distancer thing in another post about season 2 and I have some additional thoughts about how to put it in context with BL/yaoi tropes as well as some other relevant ideas.

#pursuer distancer dynamic #psychology of BL #utsukushii kare #utsukare #utsukushii kare season 2 #hira x kiyoi #hira kazunari #kiyoi sou

92 notes · View notes

orginllazyblog · 4 days

Text

AFK Arena drawings I did :D

Also, Headcannons!

First attempt drawing Annih

Honestly, the closest accurate if Lilith finally adds the two gods in the game

More drawings of him:

10% blood left -> 90% almost complete

Small headcanon: Dura and Annih create the celestial twins as they weren't first created to start off as kids to adults. As well for them handle Annih's work when he "abandon".

Next is his outfit, which is giving a Maleficent vibe. The second one is his celestial outfit:

A close-up of him. Giving him braids. You may also find that I drew little fireballs, references from his loading screen background, or from the wiki website if you don't know what I mean. Coming up with his clothing design, I have a feeling he would wear something that covers his neck to feet.

Yeah, you might think he would show more of his skin and consider he's the creator of the Hypogeans. Nah! Boy would wear a black hoodie in the middle of a hot summer.

You may also find that I drew little fireballs, references from his loading screen background, or from the wiki website if you don't know what I mean.

One is chaotic gremlin, and the other is more chill. A dark red mix magenta makes the mortals give into becoming Hypogeans, which explains for those like Lucretia and Lavatune who were once humans. The chill one is the creator of the Graveborns and thus report to Annih on their activities. The reason why Annih is not guiding the souls to the afterlife was to play his villain role until Dura's vacation is over.

But hey, that's just fan theory

Anyway, it's Dura's turn:

Young and sweet 👍🏼 while he's more mature and serious. I had fun drawing her long, wavy hair. Surprisingly, this is the only drawing I have for her while I drew her brother more.

Oh yeah! Speaking of that. I intend to make these two as siblings instead of having typical Hades x Persephone stereo type because it's just makes the Hades character more misunderstood. Looking back at @tatarella afk Arena post, it seems dev lilith's made him that way; jealous of Dura's favoritism, hated his job, and want destruction to Esperia.

Me: Alright, I'ma do it in my own way.

HC #1: Annih was not given attention from his creator, Honas, Primordial God of Order and Creation. This makes him question his eternal life crisis, thus telling Dura that he wanted to just disappear as he thinks he doesn't have much potential like her. She tells him that he's important to this world and that they were meant to be a pair of siblings who look after each other as they were made that way. Even though one is busy with their God duties, they give him a gift, which is a library filled with every Esperian mortal life recorded in a book. He never likes the humans as much as his sister and prefers a quiet environment.

HC #2: Him being a cold brother but secretly cares and worries for his sister. Back then, she was too nice, and he fears that someone could try to take her naiveness to their greedy intentions. He made sure to warn her multiple times to never be fooled by the humans. That one Hazbin Hotel reference: "You don't take shit from any demons!"

HC #3: When Dura and Annih were fighting during the war to make everyone believe their acting, he didn't want to hurt the only closet family he had besides Honas who they haven't seen him ever since from the beginning. He had a theory that if something were to happen between the siblings, Honas would come to deal with them, but somehow, they did not after that war.

HC #4: Goodbye, young Dura, now she's gone through character development. The reason why I headcanon that she stay at the Dislyte universe was that the game was also created by Lilith developers. There, she learned the fashion style, technology, trends, and some of the people, though she was only here for a vacation.

HC #5: With every mortal life recorded in the book, it also recorded the gods like Dura and Annih themselves. Though, he decided not to read his or hers because he respects privacy. One time, he found what seemed to be two large, thick books with strange cover. He then realized this was Honas and Lutos' life book still recording, but he never read it as he never wanted to remember Honas. As for Lutos, he knew they're more dangerous and that Honas was guarding the prison throughout eons. Annih never told Dura as she wonders if Honas would ever come to visit as she see them as a father figure. Yeah, I'm giving Annih Daddy issues.

HC# 6: Okay, this is the last one. Honas and Lutos, I headcanon that they are genderless, though Honas takes the form of a masculine figure, and Lutos takes the form of a feminine figure. Maybe even starting off as enemies to lovers as I have been writing about quite a lot 😅

#afk arena #afk arena fanart #fanart #traditional art #afk dura #afk annih #i feel more related to annih not gonna lie #afk honas #afk lutos

7 notes · View notes

tenpintsof-sundrop · 1 month

Note

i am honestly so confused by your blog rn. how can you say that no one interacts with you or recognizes your work put into fics? you can go to your masterlist or archive and clearly see many comments, reposts, and recs of your work. half the time you respond to someone is you bitching you’re not in the fandom anymore or you’d never write for the characters again. i have seen pages long compliments and breakdowns and reblogs for stories and characters you hate the next moment later. there are many writers that want to have as much interaction u get and actually love their long term fandoms.

accurate depiction of me reading this

there is a big difference between saying 'no one interacts with me' and saying 'no one recognizes the work that I put into fics'

I acknowledge that plenty of people interact with my fics. And that is nice. But in a sense, that is - part of the problem? (Because it becomes a quantity over quality thing, and as I have said many times before - I dread having a popular fic and I hate writing for popular fandoms.) (But also, I cannot control what my brain is interested in, so I do end up writing for popular fandoms.) (Also, I unconsciously hate it when a bunch of people show up for one fic but not for another, because I know that people are not there for my writing and my style, there are just there for the smut or for the character - which is totally understandable, but then - why follow my blog?)

One of my biggest complaints is: people do not recognize the amount of hard work that goes into writing, editing, and polish a fic in order to post it. From the concept of the idea to posting - people don't know how hard it is. And this does go back to the writer to reader ratio, and so many other things.

I am still fully of the belief that people do not understand at a core level how much work goes into the kind of fanfiction I write - especially when battling chronic illness in order to write at least one fic per month. I keep thinking about what Crane said to Dick in S3:

Sprezzatura. The ability to make something very difficult look very effortless.

I think that I have that when it comes to writing fanfiction. I know that I have a lot of talent and skill when it comes to the particular genre of fics that I write, and I know that in terms of the original idea to the end product - most of my fics turn out how I want them to, so I would say that they were pretty flawless.

So I make writing a good fic look pretty easy. When it is not at all easy for me. It is very hard. And if you compared the amount of unfinished drafts (and even just ideas that are in my head that will never get written and have never even made it to paper) to the amount of finished fics I have, then my success rate is about - 20%, probably closer to 10%. But I haven't calculated it exactly.

But you guys never get to see what I consider my failures. (And when you do, I try to ignore the existence of those fics.) (And generally, I just consider my failures to be unfinished fics.)

Basically, what I'm trying to say is - you don't see all the struggle I go through in order to get a finished, well polished fic in front of your eyes. So that is one thing.

The other major thing is - apparently I change fandoms too much? Which I didn't even think was a fucking issue. I mean I knew it annoyed some people, but I didn't care. Because I can't force myself to write fanfiction for a fandom that my brain doesn't care about - because those fics would take months longer, and they would suck. Due to burnout and my own disinterest.

Saying that 'half the time' I respond to comments, it's me saying that I'm not in the fandom anymore (like... it sounds like someone is salty that I haven't written for their fandom in a while?) - like dude, sorry, I'm not one of those fucking blogs writing AUs that are 7 times removed from the original source material, delusional pretending that I'm still writing about the canon characters when those are just OCs wearing name tags in an effort to keep myself interested in popular characters. (If writing that kind of fanfiction actually makes other people happy, then good for them - but to me, it always feels like a lifeless bid to keep their blog in the spotlight and to keep their followers' eyes on them with the names of popular characters. But oh well.) I go where my creative juices take me. and that can be to very obscure characters (like characters from one-off horror movies) or to (sadly) very popular characters - where I will write three fics and then fuck off. I have always been multifandom.

Also I have NEVER said that I will 'never' write for certain characters again. The only time I have sworn off writing for certain fandoms completely is writing for kpop rpf. Other than that, all fandoms I have written for are still on the table for the future. Like - what the fuck?

I have also never said that I hate certain characters. And yes - I do tend to switch fandoms a lot, but it's due to my creative interests, and follow my autistic hyperfixations. Fanfiction isn't supposed to be forced like fucking homework. It is supposed to bring joy. And writing for a range of vastly different characters on an unpredictable schedule - brings me joy.

Also, the 'pages long' responses, often come from the same people over and over again, and shout out to them, they are fucking lovely !!!! Shout out to Rotten Anon, and @star-mum and @pikispixies and lately @sreidisms - who have been my biggest supporters. But 4 or 5 people consistently (and wonderfully) showing up to write essay comments on fics is not the same as 100s of people always leaving engaging comments all the time (which is what you seem to think I have on my blog??)

Like the ratio is fucked. Having over 1,000 followers or a fic getting over 500 likes and only getting 2 or 3 engaging comments per fic - is a very strange ratio. And I am not saying that everyone has to write a fucking essay, but if you ask me a question about the fic in the comments, I will literally wanna kiss you on the mouth nasty style, and I will appreciate it 10x more than you just saying 'your writing is good'.

and @nctzenkane is my biggest champion behind the scenes, my literal muse for most of the fics I have ever written (and he will probably be scathing when he reads your comment lmao)

also - two or three passive aggressive and selfish comments can ruin a fic and can douse my creativity, even if one person leaves a long, beautiful essay comment encouraging me. sadly, our human brains remember the negative more than the positive

and when people leave long essay comments, I try my hardest to respond in an engaging way (even when I am exhausted from my chronic illness, I try my hardest to engage them, even if respond to their comments can take hours of my time, which takes time away from writing more fics - I wanna show them how appreciative I am of their comments) - I have never once told someone to fuck off because I'm not in that fandom anymore. literally, show me the fucking receipts to back up your delusion. please

yes, other writers who have smaller blogs would love to have more comments on their fics, but they too would feel annoyed if all the comments they were getting were 'Part 2???' or felt like someone's personal vlog on their fic - commentating their personal issues with your fic (like it being immoral or unfinished) rather than talking to the actual person who wrote it - seemingly not even realizing that there is a person behind the fic who wrote it.

I don't want more comments on my fics. I want different ones. I don't need to be patted on the head and told my writing is good - yes, those comments are nice, but I can only say 'thank you' so many times before I feel like a plastic, fake bitch - I want to discuss the content of my fics. I want to discuss the plot. The only thing that is different about every single one of my fics is the plot - the themes, how the characters act. and that is what I want to disucss in the comments section. that is what I find mentally enriching.

the only reason I post my fics is so that people might find them and enjoy them and so that I can leave a lasting positive effect on this earth, and so that I can find some enjoyment in discussing the fucking story I worked so hard on.

so please - tell me what is so wrong with that

#anonymous #sundrop answers #fanfiction #discussion #about me

11 notes · View notes

centrally-unplanned · 9 months

Text

Here is my Comiket haul, for those who may care!

Arranged on the apartment chabudai for maximum weeb vibes. I won't go through all of them, just note a few to showcase the diversity of things that were on offer. If there is one someone wants a deep dive on, let me know, happy to take photos!

First up, the centerfold star - A Bocchi/Shimo-Kitazawa Fan Celebration doujin in the shape of a vinyl record:

Its extremely adorable, these guys went all in. It comes in an album case with "tracks", the vinyl-shaped doujin has an A side and a B side with totally different content when flipped, and when you are reading it the text slowly rotates page by page as if you are "playing" the disc.

Some of it is the circle's thoughts on Bocchi, but more is about their love for the part of Tokyo that Bocchi takes place in, Shimo-Kitazawa, with sections on show-accurate locations and favourite cafes and stores. They even included a map with all of the spots they recommend you visit in the area!

This one is to me the most "magic of doujin": we all have favourite parts of our cities, and if we sat down could maybe make a map like this. But why would we do that? Who would care? The joint power of a locally-set anime & Comiket, however, makes that personal map into a piece of art people want to own. This piece is pure creativity & passion, and its very special for that - a symbol of doujinshi.

Also one of their members spoke fluent English and aggressively upsold foreigners at the event ^_^ Successfully so! Good job.

For something a little less high concept, this tiny artbook of Rin from Laid-Back Camp as Ghibli characters is adorable:

A smol kiki, too cute. And look at her as Nausicaa! Full blue and ready to kick ass.

Its like 5 pages and each page is a gem, great buy.

This next one is a genre of book I really love - the photography/anime composite book focusing on scene locations, starring our girl Haruhi Suzumiya:

I appreciate how much fun this one has with its concept, lots of cute drawings on the margins; and the photographs are not all Haruhi related, instead it is just the author's own journey put through a Haruhi lens. This book is another great example of how "transformative" these works are, breaking the bounds of their source material.

"Hey, its me!"

Okay, now for some extreme Ash-brand doujin - Flowers for Yamada-san, a history doujin about Hiroyoshi Yamada, also known by the name Koji Kawamoto, a manga & magazine editor who played an instrumental part of the lolicon boom of the 1980's:

He passed away this year, and so this doujin is a memorial to him, an accounting of his influence and role in early manga, a wider discussion of the lolicon boom in general, and its own creative work; sandwiched between essays are comic depictions of moments of his career done in a mimicry the classic loli/bishoujo early 80's style:

This will of course take some time to read - I am excited to dig into it. As I have mentioned before, I am toying with the idea of a deeper research project on the "lolicon boom"; its, for understandable reasons, extremely neglected in western discourse of the history of anime & manga. But that moral aversion doesn't change how instrumental this period was, so I think a lot of good work could be done documenting and explaining its place. This book was an amazing find to stumble upon, and the creators are extremely well-researched on this period.

Anyway this is probably long enough lol. I did find some ero-doujin as well of course, though very few - as I mentioned, Comiket was a warzone, and I did not 'prep' for that side of things. I laughed at the idea of people doing days of research to prep of their porn buying adventure - I was the fool, they the wise, you absolutely need to do that if that is your goal. It wasn't really mine but I respect it now for sure - and I actually found the Comiket experience sort of liberating on that front, I "get it" now in a way I didn't before.

This is of course a tiny sliver of the book buys from Japan - hopefully I can make a few posts about the rest soon.

#Ash Japan Adventures #Comiket

25 notes · View notes

melliotwrites · 11 months

Note

hi! I was wondering on what was your thought processes on naming each of the characters of Adamandi?

Hi! Thanks for the question! A lot of the character names were chosen from either walking around the cemetery near our summer sublet, lists of dark academia names, or Wikipedia's list of passengers aboard the Titanic. We'd then research each name a little to make sure it was appropriate for the time period, the character's family background (if it was a family name/not one they chose themself), and sometimes even its meaning.

Here's some more specifics about each character's name:

Quincy Cynthius Martin: Quincy is from a list of nonbinary names, though to me (Mel) it has a masc bent which seemed appropriate for their gender presentation- a 1930s nonbinary person who still wanted to preserve a connection to masculinity might choose a name like it. It's also a fairly common African-American name, so it's possible they would have named themself after an ancestor or (like one of my fave fan headcanons) musician Quincy Jones.

Cynthius because Quincy chose their own middle name, they're a Classical scholar, and so of course they'd choose a name from Ancient Rome. We borrowed Quincy and Vincent's middle names from names associated with the Innamorati -- the stock characters of "The Lovers" in the Italian commedia dell'arte (Cynthius is a Latin version of Cinthio.) The Innamorati's main function within this theater style is to be overdramatically but sincerely in love, and we wanted to play with this trope in Adamandi (we initially wanted to name it Innamorati but there's apparently already a musical called that, haha.)

Cynthius is also associated with the god Apollo, which to me is a hidden underlining of the symbolic connections between Ambrose and Quincy (both of them obsessed with perfection in different ways etc).

Martin was chosen because way way back when we were naming the characters, we knew that Quincy would be a person of color but we didn't know what specific race they were yet. Martin could be an Americanization of Martinez, but it is also a very common American last name, so we thought it would be a good fit for whichever actor was cast in the role. Eventually we decided that Quincy's dad was white and Quincy was mixed-race, so this is probably his dad's last name and the one that everyone at Ardess recognizes him by.

Vincent Aurelius Lin: Vincent comes from the Latin vincere (to conquer) -- it is evident that he does in his pursuit of the Phaethon! He'd have chosen this himself, probably to inspire confidence in his parents that he'll set out to make the most of wherever he ends up.

Aurelius: Similar to Cynthius, the Latin version of Aurielo, a stock Innamorati name. Fun fact: the Innamorati are also the only maskless characters in the commedia dell'arte -- you can see what skask things this affected :) As he mentions in the show, Quincy helped him choose it, hence the Latin. Lastly, it means "the golden one" -- I (Elliot) thought it'd be fun to foreshadow the golden boy usurping!

Lin: 林, meaning forest in Mandarin. Honestly, I chose this one because it always gives me a shady, withdrawn kind of vibe, and he's a Bio major so you know they love those forests. Also fitting with the forest green in his color scheme. When choosing Mandarin names for my characters, I also consider legibility and try to choose ones with pinyin that are somewhat accurately pronounceable in English (E.g., my parents say they chose the slightly altered spelling of "Lee" over "Li" for my last name because they were worried people would pronounce "Li" as "lie.")

Beatrix Valeria Campbell: Beatrix definitely came from a list of Dark Academia names, and it means something like "traveller"- which seemed appropriate for her social position, always observing but never really included in what is happening in the school. It's also a name she chose herself when she changed her name to conform to the Daily's expectations, so Beatrix nicely implies that her name used to be the Spanish name Beatriz. I (Mel) think she chose the Latin spelling to Americanize it both because it's more common at Ardess and because it's a little more gender neutral than Beatrice.

Valeria: Also from a Dark Academia name list. It's pretty! It's the name of a fluffy pink flower so it's like a little bit of Portia connection hidden inside Beatrix's name. I think it was probably chosen by Bea when she changed her name, though she probably kept her old middle name and has two (that the Administration doesn't keep on record because they're conformist like that).

Campbell: This one is from the Princeton cemetery as well. Again, it's not really her family name, but one she chose when she decided to start going by a new name at Ardess. My headcanon for it is that she chose a random Campbell Hall on campus to name herself after, and only later realized that people would assume she's related to whichever donor the hall is named after.

Portia Elizabeth Harper: Portia came from the same list of Dark Academia names as Beatrix (originally we weren't sure which name to give which character, but we settled on these because Beatrix sounded more serious and Portia more friendly, which fit their personalities). I also liked the connection to the Merchant of Venice and the kindness and wittiness of that Portia- as well as her fun crossdressing connections (Portia used to be a she/they!)

Elizabeth: This one just seemed fun and appropriate for the time period. I think we wanted to give her a really common middle name to balance out everyone else's unique ones, and Elizabeth is a super common one for this setting.

Harper: This one is from the passenger list! There wasn't a lot of deep thought behind it other than that it sounds nice with "Portia." It's vaguely English, which we figured would make sense with her other two names (if her parents named her after the Shakespearean character and the queen).

Ambrose Wellington Bassford: As various people in the fandom have already pointed out, Ambrose means "immortal," which is actually an artifact of an earlier version of Ambrose's project when he wanted to preserve himself and his friends in marble so that they would never age/die (and therefore be no longer beautiful). Similarly to Quincy's middle name, Ambrose chose his own name, and he loves Hellenistic studies, so of course he would choose a classically Greek name. I think this is one we got from the list of Dark Academia names.

Wellington: Ambrose's family is vaguely British-coded (in a "came over on the Mayflower" kind of way), so we picked a middle name that's also British in origin and aptly silly/posh-sounding for a little rich boy. It was probably given by his dad when he first transitioned.

Bassford: This one is from the Princeton graveyard! It's also vaguely British in origin, and comes from a specific town in Britain which is pretty cool.

#adamandi #answered #justanothertragicfact #vincent aurelius lin #quincy cynthius martin #portia elizabeth harper #beatrix valeria campbell #ambrose wellington bassford #adamandi musical

42 notes · View notes

bettsfic · 1 year

Note

Hi betts! I was wondering if you had any advice for writing Feelings. I feel like my fic writing is often a lot of this happened then this happened and then this event happened. I want to make sure it feels like things are being told by my character and not just a robotic narrator reporting the events. I've been going through your writing advice tag but haven't found a super relevant post to this so thought I'd ask if you have any thoughts on injecting more Feelings into writing.

this is a great question! unfortunately it has a very Big answer.

i think it's important first to consider the greater historical context of prose. prose is a relatively new invention in the history of humanity. prior to prose, there was poetry, oral storytelling, playwriting, and what we would consider now to be nonfiction. the concept of written fiction is kind of miraculous. it allows us to perceive the nature of being another person, within the quiet of our own minds. in other words, prose allows us access to a consciousness outside of our own. a fictional story is thus one in which a given consciousness, translated into language, experiences events in a cause and effect sequence, which is called a narrative.

what you're talking about, injecting Feeling into fiction, is a concept that tends to invoke debate based on separate schools of aesthetic thought. i know writers who would read your ask and go, "uh, good? reporting events is what you're *supposed* to do." and i know writers who believe that the entire purpose of the form is simply to convey conscious thought, external events be damned. personally, although i respect the opinions of these writers, i think it's all kind of silly to think one kind of writing is better than another. it is, as all things are, a creative choice of the author. i, the reader, am only meant to bear witness to those choices.

visualize, if you will, a spectrum between these two schools of thought: the reporting of actions and external events, which we'll call exteriority, and the reporting of inner thoughts and feelings, which we'll call interiority. all fictional prose falls somewhere on this spectrum. on the exteriority side we have writers like william faulkner, cormac mccarthy, chuck palahniuk. on the interiority side, we have virginia woolf, henry james, garth greenwell, donna tartt.

this spectrum is one of narratorial access. how much access do we the reader have to the experiences of the narrator(s), and how accurate are those depictions? how much detail are we given? how are those details chosen and why?

the most exterior writing is what some call "cinematic." many people are in the exterior school of thought because they believe "show don't tell" to be literal. "show don't tell" is ridiculous for many reasons, the most obvious of which is that (when taken at face value) if i wanted to be shown something, i'd watch a movie. the real meaning of "show don't tell" is the idea you shouldn't tell the reader the conclusion they're supposed to be drawing from the events of the story. again, personally, i think it's baffling why anyone has an opinion on this, when the truth is that showing and telling is yet another spectrum and every story falls somewhere on it. to have opinions on these things would stifle my enjoyment as a reader and closes me off to discovering new things.

when the reader has the least possible access to the narrator, the events of the story can follow any character at any time, and detail only what can be seen from the outside. my favorite novel that does this is Plainsong by Kent Haruf. i once tried to write in this style and found it tedious and difficult, but i'm a very interior writer. nevertheless it was a good exercise for me, if for no other reason than it sharpened my understanding of my own style.

if you move the down the spectrum just a skosh toward interiority, you invite inner observations. these are largely sensory: what a character sees, hears, smells, etc. here's an example:

an exterior action would be, "the door slammed." an interior observation would be, "she heard the door slam."

i have heard many arguments as to why the latter is "weaker" writing. i've heard them called "filter phrases," and have even read an essay on why you should avoid them. which, again, ridiculous. it's far more important to know when and why you might deploy a "filter phrase" than to deny yourself use of a potentially necessary tool.

inner observations force the reader into the perception of the narrator. "the door slammed" is a fact. it can't be contested. the author is telling me this event occurred and i cannot dispute it or interpret it. "she heard the door slam" can be questioned. all we know is that she heard it; we have no evidence it really happened, only our trust in the narrator to convey events with accuracy, which is how we get the idea of an unreliable narrator.

let's move one notch closer to interiority. now we have inner reactions and opinions. exterior: "the door slammed. the woman stood up and locked it." now we have the opposite scenario to the one above. with an exterior action, we're given doubt. why did she lock it? we have to use context clues to determine motivation and emotion. interior: "she heard the door slam. in a rage, she stood up and locked it." the second sentence confirms for us that the door very likely did slam, and also tells us outright that she's mad at the person who slammed it.

the reader has to perform an equal amount of work for both of these scenarios. in the exterior example, they have to puzzle out the emotions and motivation of the character. in the interior example, they have to puzzle out the accuracy of events and reasonability of emotional response. both create different kinds of tension.

generally speaking, the closer we move toward interiority the less exteriority we have, because the external events of the story matter less than what the character thinks or feels about them. using our example above, an even more interior approach would be, "when she heard the door slam, she knew it was over. how had it come to this? he was no different than the last one, or the one before that, or the one before that. as she went to lock it, she vowed: never again."

since i don't have a full story drafted out, pretend "the one before that" are all examples of times this situation happened before, and so two actions, the door slamming and the woman getting up to lock it, might take ten thousand words to tell, to give us context as to why she's in a rage about it.

here's an example of nearly pure interiority from a novel i'm working on right now:

And the only logic that came to me was that everything was made up of the souls of the dead and the yet-living. It felt blasphemous—in Kinraden, the afterlife is unity in a place beyond limited human understanding. But I believed the opposite. I believed we all came from things and would return to things, and that everything, at its fabric, was the same as everything else. I was a toy truck rolling across a hardwood floor, and a sunflower opening up in the light, and a can of Campbell’s soup heated on the stove, and a pig headed to slaughter, and my father giving a sermon to an audience of people looking for answers in the wrong place, and everything has a soul and so everything suffers. And that suffering crushed me, not because it exists, but because it is eternal. Suffering is the base of everyone and everything.

(i apologize for using my own writing as an example, but i tabbed over and this was the first paragraph i saw, and it was surprisingly relevant, even though i am 100% going to end up cutting it.)

i know there is no exteriority here because i can't tell you where his body even is while he's thinking these things. i also don't know when exactly this is happening. the physical existence of the scene and his body within it is irrelevant to the information being conveyed, which is a major life philosophy and how it differs from his father's. within one paragraph, he's building a kind of polemic that will hopefully allow the reader to understand exactly how he managed to defy his father's indoctrination.

even though there's no exteriority, though, there are still images present. toy truck, sunflower, can of soup, etc. and they create visuals to hang onto so that it still feels, in a way, exterior. those physical objects, however, are not actually physical, but metaphorical.

what's also important is that this is a super fucked up line of thought and builds the state of his emotional unreliability as a narrator. he's conveying the events of the story with relative accuracy but his logical and emotional responses to them are in constant conflict. (he needs lots of help, which he will get.)

there is kind of a default in fanfiction, particularly fanfiction based in visual mediums, to convey all information within a physical scene, i suspect to stay as close to the canon portrayal as possible, because film/tv are also sequences of scenes. when in scene (direct discourse), characters are always physically embodied in spaces, moving and doing and saying things, at a specific point in time. but, circling back to my initial point, prose does not have to be embodied. it's not film. you can be fully in the mind of a character and have no idea when or where they are existing, and merely recount the events from an unstated time, if any happen to be relevant (indirect discourse).

(side note: specifically direct and indirect discourse refer to dialogue but i'm using the terms more broadly. direct discourse: "i just want that sandwich, man," tommy said. indirect discourse: tommy said he really wanted a sandwich.)

even though i've talked at length about narratorial access as relevant to consciousness, i want to touch base again to the idea of Feelings. it's hard to convey feeling in fiction, because your only tools are brain and body. either your narrator expresses their feelings in thoughts, or they express them in the description of physical experiences. it's kind of a constant battle which path you choose, but i hope some of the above can help you decide.

so now that you know the broader theory around (Thoughts &) Feelings writing, here are some exercises you can try:

begin a story in direct discourse, present tense, the events of which can only be understood through prior context. (for example, two characters are having a heated argument with no explanation as to why.) then, through the POV character's narration, move into indirect discourse, past tense, to explain the events that led up to the argument.

find a story you've written in third person and rewrite all or part of it in first person. the trick here is to become as disembodied as possible. in fact, your approach can be that you're simply writing a monologue from the character's perspective, in their voice, with all their potential misunderstandings intact.

try swinging the opposite way: write a fully exterior story (the shorter the better). then go back and thread in internal observations. and then go through and add thoughts and opinions to the events that have occurred. and lastly, go through and add greater context and cognition to deepen our understanding of the external events.

whew. this was a lot. but i hope you found it helpful!

and because i am trying to be better about self promo, i'd like to mention here that i'm a freelance editor and writing coach, and also i have a newsletter with more thoughts on craft.

#writing advice #narratorial access #interiority #exteriority #direct discourse #indirect discourse

72 notes · View notes