#some projects actively occurring right now
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thinking i don’t do a lot when i literally have at least four projects going on at once, rapidly bouncing between them, is really something
#talkz#some projects actively occurring right now#paper bead curtains. patchwork jacket#three different project patch pants#paper star constellations. a collage project#i have to paint this lamp for my room#AND i need to go to the pharmacy tomorrow#AND I ALMOST FORGOT THE TRIGUN PROPS IM STARTING
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all i can say forever
i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))
(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.
in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed
because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.
and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.
if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.
not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.
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project: make you love me (jyh) | fourteen.
♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist
—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.
—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa
—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut
—word count: 3.8k
—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, seonghwa in the whole flashback scene!!, kissing/making out hehe, late night food run with yeo and yuyu, some overthinking..
"Wait." Yunho whines softly as he gently grabs at your wrist, pulling you back towards him before you could walk into the science building.
"Yunho." You playfully whine. "I literally have 2 seconds to get my ass upstairs to class."
"Well, I don't necessarily have literature with you anymore, so.." Yunho smirks. "Sorry I just want a few more kisses from my girlfriend since I won't see her until tonight."
"You're too much."
"And you're not?" He teases with a chuckle. You tippy toe to give him another kiss on the lips, Yunho chasing your lips as soon as you break the first one. You giggle against his lips, playfully pushing him back on his chest.
"I'll see you later."
"Mhm." He smiles, adjusting the hood over his head. "Have a good day, love."
"You too." You give him one last wave before you walk off to your class.
During class, you do your best to focus on your professor; taking notes as you try to keep up with the pace of the class. You can't help but daydream in between about your man, how well break treated you and your friends— though, there were a few other things occupying your mind as well.
But as of right now, you already miss Yunho.
You shift your thoughts to how the night could go, how excited you are to see him and spend time with him after a long day of classes and practice. Class ends up finishing rather quickly, especially as the last half took place with the group activity you had to do. You run to your next class, shooting your friends a quick text in the group chat to see who else has a quick break afterwards.
you: friends, who has a break in the next hour or so?
chaery: me!
you: okay, i'll meet you at the cafeteria? gonna quickly eat before my next class.
chaery: you got it bae!
You find yourself daydreaming a bit more during your Healthcare Ethics class, the majority of the class picking back up on the debate that occurred last week. Yunho sends you a quick text to tell you he hopes you're doing okay in class, following up with his usual 'i miss you' and 'can't wait to see my baby' texts. You smile to yourself as you jot down a few interesting words and phrases that come up during the debate, stringing out your notes enough to help you remember the details for your homework later.
Your professor dismisses your class about 10 minutes early, causing you to dash over to the café and take all the extra time you can get to scarf down some food before the last half of the day occurs. You order some soup and fruits to get you by, sitting at the last free corner table in the café. It's not long before Chaery walks in and grabs a small salad bowl to eat, settling in front of you with a heavy sigh.
"God, what a day already."
"Tell me about it." You pout.
"How's class been?"
"Class is class. I just can't wait until the rest of the day is over. Then we can finally grub on some good food and I can see Yunho."
"Aw." She giggles. "No, same. My schedule isn't as packed this time around, but I still feel swamped or whatever."
"Seriously."
"Is Yuyu in class?"
"Mhm. He's pretty swamped, too."
"I bet. Graduation is gonna come in no time." You nod. "By the way, have you told him already?"
"No. I just haven't gotten to it." You shrug. "It just never feels like the right time."
"I know, I get that." Chaery rests her chin on the top of her hand. "But, Seonghwa hasn't bothered you since then, right?"
"Nope."
"Maybe he finally got the fucking hint."
♣︎ FLASHBACK
"Yunho sent you roses even though he was with us all weekend?" Seungmin swings his keys around his finger as he's the first to make it to the door. Your group just arrived back home after the weekend in the snow, Yunho immediately heading to his apartment to unpack and rest after the drive.
"What're you talking about?" You catch up, with Chaery and Soobin trailing shortly behind.
"Those are roses, no?" Seungmin raises a brow, pointing at the rose bouquet sitting at your doorstep.
"Yes, but I don't think this was Yunho." You pick up the bouquet, reading the small card sitting in the middle.
"Why wouldn't it be Yunho, though? Who else would it be, babe?" Chaery smiles. "What a dream boat, spoiling his girl even—"
"It isn't Yunho." Your expression changes when you read the card, letting out a deep sigh. Seungmin slowly unlocks the door, grabbing your bags and gently setting them inside the house. Soobin follows his lead and takes Chaery's bags from her hands while the two of you continue to inspect the roses.
Y/N,
I'm sorry, and I miss you. Please give me a chance to prove it.
- Hwa
"What the fuck? Is he actually crazy?" She holds the card up. "Y/N, you need to toss those."
"But, they're roses." You frown a bit.
"Which aren't even your favorite flowers!" Chaery furrows her brows. "You're not seriously thinking about keeping them, are you? Seonghwa sent these to you. If Yunho sees them, he'll be upset. Rightfully so."
"I have to agree." Seungmin shrugs. "It's weird. Something tells me he's only doing it because you two are a thing now."
"Not one genuine bone in that body." Soobin chimes in as he kicks his shoes off to the side before fully stepping into the apartment. "He had all that time to give you flowers and decided now would be the best time?
"Y/N." Chaery calls your name a little more sternly this time and you let out another sigh before nodding.
"Yes, I hear you, I hear you." You repeat. "You're right."
"I'll walk you to the dump so we can get rid of that for good and keep it out of sight." She links her arm with yours, leading you to the dumpster across the lot. "Why were you thinking about keeping it?" She asks you softly, a look of concern in her eyes.
"Truthfully, I don't even know. I never expected this from him, so it threw me off guard."
"You don't actually think he'd change, do you?" You look at her with a pursed smile.
"No."
"Good, because I agree. You can't change someone like him." She gives your arm a gentle squeeze. "You're happy with Yunho, aren't you? You glow every time you're with him. He is so, so good to you. He's always been."
"I am, that's not even a question. I just, I don't know. I wasn't thinking, that's all." You get to the dump and toss the bouquet over, giving Chaery a small smile.
"Can't forget this little piece of shit." She rips the card and tosses the pieces into the dumpster. "Are you gonna tell Yuyu?"
"I don't know, does it matter? It's not like it's gonna mean anything."
"I don't know, I think you should. It might seem like you're hiding something from him even though you're not."
"Yeah." Is all you say before the two of you climb back up to the apartment and step inside.
♣︎ END
"I saw him earlier, but he just looked at me and walked past." Chaery adds before taking the fork to her mouth. "His hair got kinda longer."
"Yeah, I saw that." You sigh. "I just don't get what he wants. Apparently him and Hyeri are actually a thing."
"I haven't really seen them together on campus, though." Chaery shrugs. "He's probably pulling the same shit, let's be real. All I know is that you and Yunho are the cutest couple I've ever witnessed." You blush.
"Yunho." You softly say his name and shake your head. "Sometimes, I just wonder how I got lucky with him."
"You're so cute." She giggles. "Are you staying there tonight?"
"Yeah, but I told him we were having our dinner."
"Cute. Are your mom and sister still coming to have dinner with you guys this weekend?"
"I think so."
"What class do you have next?"
"Biostatistics, then seminar before practice."
"I guess I'll see you at practice then? I have to study for physio." You nod as you both clean up, gathering your things before heading out of the café.
"Where are the boys right now?"
"Soobin's at the library, and Seungmin is in class. I just don't remember what."
"Hm." You hum, passing the library and slowly prying yourself from Chaery. "I'll see you later then."
"Have a good class, learn something!" You give her a tiny smile before you head to your classes for the day.
The day ends up feeling a lot longer, busier, than you expect. It's probably due to all the assignments and in-class projects that you've already had to work on, making it feel like an incredibly productive day. At least time flew by, but you wish you could crawl into bed with Yunho and cuddle up to him. You already feel mentally exhausted even though the semester barely started.
When you get to practice, you and your friends take some time to stretch and warm up before Hyunjin starts to teach the beginning parts of the piece you'll be performing at the big spring fair and night market in downtown. After getting the first two 8 counts down and running it a few times, Hyunjin calls for a quick break before running it in groups to solidify the moves. Yeonjun and Jongho plop onto the floor next to you, watching Chaery and a few other people run through the piece slowly. You sip your water, scrolling through your social media while Yeonjun does the same; Jongho being the first to break the silence.
"Dude, isn't this semester kinda crazy already?" You shrug.
"Mm, yeah. It's okay. I just miss break."
"Break was fun. The snow was hella fun." Yeonjun smiles at you. "Yunho's so cool."
"Yeah, isn't he?" You giggle.
"It was fun having him around. He's easy to get along with." Jongho adds. "Can I say it?"
"Say what?"
"I'm glad you broke things off with Seonghwa."
"Same." Yeonjun adds. "Love you though, you know that right?" You laugh.
"Mhm." You purse your lips into a fine line before letting out a breath. "He sent me flowers when we got back from the snow."
"Ew, why?" Jongho furrows his brows.
"I don't really know."
"Does Yunho know about it?"
"No."
"He should." Jongho says. "He should so he could whoop that ass."
"I thought he was dating Hyeri?" Yeonjun questions.
"Dating is a very heavy word when it comes to Seonghwa."
"True."
"Let's finish up!" Hyunjin calls out, letting the music play in the background while people slowly start to make their way back to the center of the floor.
After practice, you and your roommates head home to get freshened up and have dinner together. Seungmin orders some fried chicken and sides that get delivered in the next 20 minutes— all of you sitting at the table, talking about how your new classes have been. It's nice that you've finally been able to have dinner together since everyone seems so busy with the semester already. The boys end up finishing the last few pieces of chicken, along with inhaling the side dishes while you and Chaery clean up in the kitchen. You head to your shared room, packing up a few things while Chaery sits at her desk to continue where she left off with studying.
"Can you text me when you get there?"
"I'm walking across the lot." You snort.
"Still! Let me know. I have to make sure you arrive safely." You smile and throw your arms around her from behind, giving her a small kiss on the head.
"I will."
"I love you, have fun. Say hi to Yunho and Yeosang for me."
"I will. Don't sleep too late."
"You too!" She blows you one last kiss, making you giggle as you leave the room.
"Alright, I'm off!" You give Soobin and Seungmin a wave before heading out of the door. The night is cold, crisp; you can still see your breath in the air. You're excited to finally see Yunho since you haven't been able to respond or give him much attention today. You shoot Chaery a text as you head up the steps to his building, finding yourself at his door in the next few seconds.
"Hello?" You hear Yunho on the other line, along with the echo of his keyboard.
"I'm outside."
"Oh shit, you are?" He asks excitedly. "Okay, I'll be there in a few!" You giggle as you end the call, shifting your weight back and forth as you wait for Yunho to answer the door. And as promised, he does come to the door— a huge smile on his face.
"Hi." You smile as you wave, Yunho swooping you into his arms.
"It's about time." You laugh. "I missed you."
"I know. Our dinner went on for awhile, we were just catching up about school." You step out of your shoes and head into his room. "Did you eat?"
"Yeah, not too long ago." You set your bags aside and help yourself to his crewneck to change into. "What'd you guys eat?"
"Fried chicken. All that good stuff."
"Yum." He sits on his computer chair, watching as you get your things together. "Do you have to study?"
"Yeah, already." You roll your eyes. "We're getting another small quiz next class." You plop onto his bed. "Are you playing with Yeo?"
"Yeah, I was." He scratches his temple. "Err, I will be again soon." You laugh.
"Okay."
"Let me know if I'm too loud, though."
"It won't bother me."
"Still. Just tell me if I'm annoying."
"You won't even be able to hear me, silly."
"Come sit on my lap." You playfully shake your head as Yunho wiggles his eyebrows and puts his headset back on; already furiously clicking away at his keyboard as soon as they slip on. You finish up a few other smaller assignments before pulling out your Global Environmental Health textbook to start going through the two incredibly lengthy chapters you've covered in class.
Yunho turns over his shoulder, smiling to himself seeing you studying on his bed. He loves the way his crewneck swallows you, the way you awkwardly sit with one leg stretched and the other folded in; diligently taking notes as you go through the textbook.
"We're taking a break, right? Cool." Is all you hear Yunho say before he's suddenly in front of you with a smirk on his face.
"Hi." You giggle.
"Hey." Yunho leans over to kiss you.
"What're you doing?"
"Just wanted to steal a few kisses." His next kiss continues to deepen, tongue slipping in to dance around with yours. He gently bites on your bottom lip, causing you to release a small moan in response. Yunho doesn't quit, even when Yeosang comes knocking on the door— softly calling out for Yunho.
"Baby, the door." You giggle and mumble against his lips while he continues to repeatedly kiss you.
"Are you guys decent?" Yeosang softly knocks on the door again.
"Yeah!" Yunho bites onto his bottom lip, slowly prying his eyes off of you before shifting his attention to Yeosang peeking into the room. "What's up?"
"I'm kinda craving incredibly bad junk food. You guys wanna come along?"
"Where?"
"McDonalds, probably. Since it's the closest."
"I'm down." Yunho looks at you.
"I could go for an ice cream cone and fries." Yeosang chuckles.
"That's all?" You nod happily.
"I just need to throw on some pants."
"Oh." Yeosang looks down and backs away from the door. "In that case, I'll be in the kitchen." He shuts the door, making Yunho laugh.
"What?" You look at him as you shut your books close and hop off his bed. "I do need to put on some pants."
"I know. Wish you didn't have to." You feel Yunho's hands come up inside of your sweater, giving your hips a squeeze.
"We're just going to get food, silly." He laughs after placing a chaste kiss to your cheek, throwing on a jacket.
"Yeah. Not my fault you drive me crazy, though." You give him a look just as the both of you leave the room to meet Yeosang in the kitchen.
"Pants are on. Nice." Yeosang grabs his keys. "Lehhhgo!" You trail behind Yeosang, while Yunho walks behind you. He quickly locks the door and catches up to you two, overhearing your conversation about practice and how there's another performance your group is planning to do in a few months. You're currently telling Yeosang how it'll be bigger than the one your group did before the last semester ended, and how Yeonjun and Hyunjin are freaking out about it even though there's 'time.'
"I don't know. They just don't know if we'll be able to come up with something new and better in time."
"You guys will." Yeosang looks at Yunho just as he unlocks his car door. "Why don't you do a little couple piece with Yunho or something?"
"Oh, yeah!" You slide into the backseat, buckle in and lean over towards the middle console. "Babe, he's got a point."
"Um, no. He doesn't." Yunho laughs. "I definitely don't dance."
"I know it's in you."
"How would you know that?"
"The party." You snort.
"Yeah, and when I taught you some steps, you got them down so easily.
"Doesn't mean I dance?! Maybe I just got lucky during those times."
"Oh, please." Yunho laughs. "I think it'd be cute. You guys should think about it. Add a little something in there."
"It would be fun! Maybe we can do our own thing for something down the long run, too." You smirk.
"Getting ahead of yourself." Yunho chuckles as he boops the tip of your nose.
"Fine, I won't force it." You give him a soft smile, leaning onto his shoulder as Yeosang continues to drive to McDonalds. "Just saying it would be fun." You mumble.
"That'll be something for Seonghwa to see." Yeosang snickers. "Sorry, I don't mean to bring him up, but I can't forget the way he was looking at you two during the tree lighting."
"Yeah, well." Yunho shrugs. "I hope he moves on." Seonghwa, you think. You still haven't told Yunho about the roses and how he had texted you a few weeks back. It's not that you didn't want to— you were just scared, and you weren't sure when the right time would be. Granted, you should've told him as soon as it happened, but it genuinely would slip your mind because Seonghwa was such an after-thought. Would it matter if it didn't really mean anything to you? "Babe." Yunho calls you, making you snap out of your thoughts.
"Hm?"
"You sure you just want ice cream and fries?" Yeosang asks just as he lowers his window at the drive-thru.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."
"What were you thinking about?" Yunho asks softly as Yeosang begins the order.
"Nothing, just trying to organize my studying plans in my head."
"Mm." Yunho hums before placing a chaste kiss to the side of your head. Yeosang finishes up the order and pulls up to the first window to pay, with Yunho wiring him some money for yours and his half. Yeosang gently hands you your ice cream cone before handing Yunho the huge bag of food. "Want your fries?"
"Yes, please." Your man hands you your small fries. "Hey, so. Aren't you guys prepping for graduation already?"
"Mm, not really. I mean, they've given us key dates to look out for. But, that's it."
"Are you guys excited?"
"Excited to be thrown into the real world? Nah. Not really." Yeosang laughs. "I've started looking at some internships I could do, or keeping an eye out for places I'd wanna apply to as time gets closer."
"Same."
"Are you guys planning to stay in the apartment for awhile?"
"I guess it depends on where we both find ourselves when the time comes. I'd be down to if it allows."
"Yeah, I agree."
"Or else, it's probably back home for a bit." Yeosang shrugs. "Which, I love my family. Don't get me wrong. But, I definitely don't wanna stay there forever." He looks at you quickly through the rear view mirror. "You're gonna be a senior before you know it."
"Yikes." You giggle. "Not looking forward to it. I think I'll have more of my difficult classes piled next year."
"You'll be fine, Y/N."
"You guys have to come visit us?"
"Yeah. We'll probably be at your apartment more than you think." You laugh.
"Chaery will love that."
"I like your friends. They're good people."
"They are. And fun. I don't know where I'd be without them." You dip your fry into your ice cream. Sooner or later, Yeosang pulls back into the apartment lot and parks in a free spot. Yunho opens your door and lets you out first before following behind you. Yeosang invites him to hop onto another game on Valorant, making you giggle to yourself as they playfully bicker about the last round they had played.
After washing up in the bathroom again, you head back into Yunho's room and you slip out of your sweats; comfortably taking your spot back on his bed in front of your books. As Yunho and Yeosang finish up in the kitchen, you continue where you last left off— trying to get the most of your studying for tonight.
"I'll hop on in a minute." Yunho says before closing the door. "Baby."
"Yeah?" You look up at him as he leans forward for a kiss.
"Studying some more?"
"Gotta keep up, babe." You chuckle as he kisses you again.
"Can I distract you for just another minute or so?" He asks lowly, pressing his lips to your cheek.
"I think I can spare a minute." You giggle, watching as Yunho pushes your books aside and crawls in between your legs. You wrap your arms around his neck, his large hands coming up your sweater. He fiddles with the band of your panties, thumb brushing over your clothed core in between kisses.
"Yeo is waiting for you." You slightly whine, trying not to get too distracted by Yunho's touch.
"I know, thats why I told him I needed a minute." Yunho laughs before he looks you in the eye. "Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure you were just thinking about studying earlier?"
"Mhm." You caress his cheek with your thumb.
"Okay. I just hope you know you can come to me for anything."
"I know, love."
"Good." He kisses your forehead. "Let me know if you need anything."
"I will." Yunho walks over to his computer chair and taps his lap.
"You're always welcome to take breaks here."
"Shut up." You shake your head and laugh, bringing your books back to you. You contemplate on telling Yunho right then and there, but you're still not sure why it doesn't feel like the right time, or why you're scared. You don't wanna ruin the mood, and you don't want to make him upset.
So, you brush it off for another day. Hoping you're just overthinking the whole situation.
Besides, Seonghwa must have gotten the hint when you never replied, when you never brought up the flowers. You didn't wanna give him the time and attention he was trying to get from you, nor did you wanna give him the wrong idea.
You really just hope it blows over and that Seonghwa finally moves on, leaves you and Yunho alone. He's had all that time to change and now, it was too little, too late. You're happy, and you hope Seonghwa isn't selfish enough to get try and get in between that.
♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 @araknoid @bintificreads @primoppang @betray-the-light @aurorasjoongie @wineyoungie @yunholuvrsblog @jaerisdiction @ignoretheskies @luminouskalopsia @naeviscall @vixensss @choisansplushie @arya9111 @my-lightspirit @dazednconfusion @astro-doll-the-star @faesmingi @idfkeddieishot @startinystay @yungigiggles
#yunho fanfic#yunho series#jeong yunho series#jeong yunho fanfic#ateez series#ateez x reader#ateez#yunho#jeong yunho#yunho x reader#jeong yunho x reader#ateez imagines#kpop imagines#yunho smut#yunho fluff#yunho angst#jeong yunho smut#jeong yunho angst#jeong yunho fluff#hwaslayer: project make you love me
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PERCEPTION [Sight] [Easy: Success] - As you skim the shelves, a familiar title catches your eye.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Fisticuffs Convention, by Charles Plucky. Often stigmatized as revolutionary literature, it tells the story of a young man whose anti-capitalist and masculine urges lead him to an amnesiac double life, hallucinating an idealized alter ego.
INLAND EMPIRE - A handsome, emotionally regulated, cigarette-smoking parallel of yourself appearing alongside an amnesic episode?
LOGIC [Easy: Fail] - Come to think of it, have you seen anyone else acknowledge Kim directly? I mean, you haven't been paying close attention, but maybe…
YOU - "Kim, I think you're a hallucination of my idealized self, emerged from my subconscious to guide me in my time of need."
KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant, already impatient with your leisurely browsing, does not seem to agree with your theory. "Doubtful. Plucky's novel was driven by the protagonist's estrangement from his mundane and meaningless life. By contrast, you seem rather… emotionally invested."
YOU - "Hold on, emotionally invested in what?"
KIM KITSURAGI - "Most things, from what I've seen."
-1 MORALE
INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Fail] - Don't give up on this yet, you know that there's SOMETHING about the novel that resonated with you.
LOGIC [Easy: Success] - If Kim isn't your alter ego projection, that leaves only one option.
LOGIC - You must be his.
VOLITION - Are you guys fucking serious?
- [Rhetoric: Godly 16] Convince Kim you're his alter ego.
- No, that can't be right, my identity is too complex to be anyone else's.
⚅⚅
CHECK SUCCESS
YOU - "Kim, I've figured it all out. Why I can't remember anything before you got here, why we make such a good duo."
KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh? It had nothing to do with your activities prior, after all?" He sounds sceptical, and he hasn't even heard your genius theory yet!
YOU - "That's the thing, there were no activities prior. I'm not real."
KIM KITSURAGI - He raises an eyebrow at you, imperceptibly.
PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - Bullshit. It's perceptible. I'm perceiving it. It's not all of us who are completely socially incompetent and can't read facial expressions - just you.
KIM KITSURAGI - "Detective," he starts, in a tone even the most socially competent would find unreadable, "Our acquaintances at the Whirling-In-Rags would likely disagree."
YOU - "Look at yourself, Kim. Calm. Reserved. Repressed. You wear glasses. Now look at me. Cool. Wild. Unrestrained. I wear sunglasses. I'm a superstar. Would you agree that I am, more or less, everything you're not?"
EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - He realizes where this is going moments before you get there, defeat etched into his face.
YOU - "Maybe even everything you wish you could be?"
KIM KITSURAGI - "Hm."
YOU - "Come on, Kim, it's obvious. It was you who trashed the Whirling-In-Rags, and you're projecting me while you clean up your mess!"
KIM KITSURAGI - Despite everything, he keeps his patience. "That is an... intriguing theory, detective, but there are multiple witnesses who can attest for our separate physical embodiments before and after my arrival. I also haven't lost any time, so it seems unlikely I would be experiencing some sort of latent dissociative disorder."
ESPRIT DU CORPS [Legendary: Success] But that might actually explain some things, now that it occurs to him. A previous inquiry on 'talking thoughts' flashes through his mind.
KIM KITSURAGI - He acquiesces, almost too easily, "I suppose there's no proving it either way. Perhaps tonight after we've finished our work for the day you could do some more research into the matter. I'm sure this store must have some psychological texts you could consult."
📒
TASK GAINED:
READ ABOUT "DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS"
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How do Izana deal with a darling with wrecked sleeping schedules but he couldn't really do much since darling is studying at university and lives in the uni dorm.
(definitely not projecting and sending this ask at 7am cuz I didn't sleep loll)
Masterlist
okay i can answer this one because a wrecked sleeping schedule is bascially my life story (night owl here working a day job :'D) sorry y'all, been in a bit of a spiral in the earlier half of this week, but I'm back to huffing the copium now
Izana himself probably has somewhat of a wrecked sleeping schedule - which is no surprise, given how he is, after all, a delinquent and most gang activities occur in the cover of night. And on top of that, he does have tons of paper work and other normal business things to get through during the day, decisions to make and approvals to sign off on. Running a criminal organization isn't easy, and by the time you are in university, he is already well on his way to conquering the Tokyo underground.
Despite this, you can be sure that this boy makes sure to get all the sleep he needs, even if it means just skipping gang/work duties. Who's going to dare to wake him anyway? And he will not be the slightest bit happy to find you neglecting your sleep over some class work or something insignificant like that. To Izana, you didn't even have to put yourself through all this torture and nonsense. Why did you need to go to university? He had more than enough to provide for you, anything that your little heart desires, since you were going to be his forever - there was no need for you to study because you were never going to have to work. Well, never going to have to, and never going to get to, but same difference.
Izzy will absolutely make sure that you get whatever sleep you need, which is by forcibly pulling you to sleep when it's his bedtime. Even if it means bodily lifting you from the table, confiscating your phone and forcing you to snuggle with him in bed, doesn't matter - he wants cuddle and you need sleep (according to this baby boy at least). And you were going to stay in bed until he thinks you have had enough sleep. He couldn't care more that you were missing classes, exams, projects; nope. You failing out of your classes would be a win for him - you could stop wasting your time on your papers and start focusing on your attention on him, the most important person in your life, instead.
Think staying in a university dorm would stop him? Nice try. Nothing is out of bounds for Izzy to use for him to gain unlimited access into your room: bribery, violence, planting moles in the university - you don't get to hide from him. And if no matter what he does can't get him in, then you don't get to stay there. Would send Kakucho to burn the whole university down himself if he needs to, so don't try him.
Speaking of Kakucho, of course Izana would have his right-hand man and trusted friend stalking and monitoring you on his behalf whenever Izana is too busy to do so himself. Is it the best use of someone of Kakucho's talent? Probably not, but Izana would trust no one else. And if he suspects in the slightest that you weren't sleeping enough when he isn't watching? Guess who gets to sit outside your window and time your sleep. Kakucho.
So just go to sleep and don't make his life more difficult, okay?
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#yandere tokyo revengers x reader#yandere tokyo revengers#tokyorev#tokyorev x reader#tenjiku x reader#yandere izana x reader#izana x reader#tokyo revengers izana#kurokawa izana#izana kurokawa#izana fluff#izana scenarios#kakucho#kakucho x reader#tokyorev imagines#tokyo rev#tokyorev hcs#tokrev kakucho#cheesus answers#former gang leader darling#red dragonflies gang
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[CN] Li Zeyan’s MQ: Burning Imprints (Eng Translation) - Part 1
⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a mind quest, 灼痕, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡
✦ Part 1 || Part 2 || ASMR
🔞 Additional Warning 🔞 Same old but more severe warning this time LOL. The steamy parts of the MQ are as explicit as they can get, i.e., some of the most explicit stuff you’ll read in a CN otome game right now, so if you don’t qualify for the game’s 17+ rating (CN server), I’d very highly recommend that you don’t proceed under the cut~ :>
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
【Subbed Video】
not posting the video right now b/c my YouTube channel is still on probation from Li Zeyan's UR ASMR upload LOL, so this video will go online in about three more weeks, and I'll update the link then~
──────────────
【Chapter 1】
Toot––
The melodious steam whistle sounds from afar. A ferry sails over the shimmering, crystalline waves, its sleek and majestic hull gradually becoming clear in the field of vision.
Accompanied by the heavy thud of the ferry entering the port, the seagulls on the coast are startled, scattering and flying into the azure sky.
I exchange a few words with the staff next to me, and eventually, we fine-tune our respective appearances. As we look on in anticipation, the ferry slowly lowers its gangway.
In no time, people begin to descend in small groups of two or three.
Employee A: Wow! I can’t believe the entire island has been booked for team-building. The company really is committed to this.
Goldman: After all, we’ve managed to seize back several projects from FengZhen Group, and the financial report has some commendable highlights. Anywho, the only one who is capable of making such strides is our LFG. [1]
Executive B: Indeed, let’s have the administration team shoot a few extra videos. We can use them as promotional material when recruiting from universities next year.
Amidst the continuous ebb and flow of conversation, a staff member next to me props up their head ornament and walks up to the crowd.
Staff Member: Welcome, travelers from distant lands, to Nan’Ao Island!
Staff Member: I am an elven emissary of this island. In the time that follows, I will be accompanying you on this journey of exploration along with my companions.
In cooperation, I point the “wand” in my hand toward the direction of the shore. As I watch the expression on the staff members’ faces, either of astonishment or admiration, the weariness accumulated over the past few days of running around dissipates a little.
With the Spring Festival approaching, LFG offered employees the opportunity for company-sponsored travel as a benefit. Nan’Ao Island was among the destinations that were up for choice.
This place has just undergone the transformation into a vacation-themed resort with a “Magic Holiday” theme. In addition to the subsequent promotional campaigns, [MC’s Company Name] was also involved in designing the majority of the activities.
In order to closely follow up on the initial operations, I decided to stay on the island. Concurrently, I made most of the opportunity and assumed the role of an “NPC” to promptly identify and address any potential oversights that might occur during the process.
MC: Now, please make your way to the nearby golden beach. We’ll be guiding each of you to choose your own “abodes.”~
The crowd follows the guidance and walks toward the beach. I maintain a courteous smile, my gaze subconsciously scanning around, but I’m unable to find Li Zeyan’s figure.
...Could it be that he got caught up with some last-minute work? Or could there be some other reason?
As I silently ponder to myself, memories of the conversation during our video call the other day surface in my mind.
–
──── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ────
LZY: …they can only truly relax when the higher-ups are not around.
LZY: There are still many year-end matters to attend to, and not all members of the management, myself included, necessarily need to be directly involved.
I let out a prolonged “Ah” and lean a bit closer to the screen.
MC: Team building is an essential component of corporate culture… how can CEO Li, as a member of LFG, make an exception?
MC: In such opportunities to strengthen team cohesion, if the boss also actively participates, it can provide even better motivation for everyone!
MC: Moreover, “sharpening the axe doesn’t delay the cutting of firewood.” Taking a break before the New Year also means entering work with a better mental state afterward, don’t you agree?~
Li Zeyan, on the screen, locks eyes with me for a brief moment, and his motion of flipping through the documents comes to a halt.
LZY: If [MC’s Company Name] ever incorporates a debate competition into team-building activities, a certain someone here would surely come out on top.
MC: So, to translate your words, does it mean that CEO Li has been persuaded by me?
Li Zeyan leans back against the chair noncommittally, and though he doesn’t confirm or deny, a touch of softness settles in his expression.
LZY: Don’t celebrate just yet; I need to arrange my schedule first.
LZY: If I can carve out time, I’ll try my best to make it there.
───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────
–
Seeing the stream of people on the pier gradually thinning out, my gaze falls on Goldman, and subconsciously, I consider asking him about Li Zeyan’s situation.
But considering that there are still numerous unfamiliar LFG employees present here, and given my current role as the “Elven Emissary,”...
After some thought, I decide to play the role of an “NPC” for now and find a moment to give him a call later.
Click.
A soft sound emanates from behind. I reflexively turn around and find myself involuntarily squinting my eyes into a smile.
Li Zeyan is leisurely leaning against the railing of the pier, holding up his phone in my direction. His hair dances in the sea breeze, revealing his deep-set eyes and brows.
Perhaps due to the vacation atmosphere, he is dressed somewhat casually today. The collar of his shirt is loosely open, allowing the sunlight to sketch out subtle contours.
Noticing that I’ve turned around, he then shifts his gaze away from the screen. A barely perceptible hint of a smile lingers on the corners of his lips.
At this moment, only the two of us are on the boardwalk. I finally can’t resist the urge to let a smile tug at the corners of my mouth and briskly walk up to his side.
MC: Hm-hmph, I knew you’d definitely come~
MC: By the way, were you sneakily snapping photos of me just now?
LZY: I’ve been standing here for quite some time already.
LZY: You were the one who didn’t notice me, so you can’t really call it being “sneaky.”
LZY: Besides, I haven’t seen a certain someone for several weeks. Am I not even allowed to take a few pictures now?
MC: Hehe, Sir, you’re allowed to do whatever you please~
MC: After all, this “Elven Emissary ” here is so cute. It’s only normal if you want to treasure this moment~
LZY: [laughs helplessly] …as usual.
His voice carries a subtle undertone of helpless resignation, causing me to involuntarily burst into laughter. Li Zeyan looks at me and slows down his pace.
LZY: Your mood seems exceptionally upbeat today.
MC: Of course~ After all, I had a hand in creating this tourism project, and the first batch of guests to be welcomed here happens to be employees from my boyfriend’s company.
MC: One must acknowledge it’s a wonderful stroke of fate.
The bright and beautiful sunshine beams down, and the warm sea breeze carries with it Li Zeyan’s soft chuckle.
LZY: Turns out this kind of hectic coordination can also be viewed as a “serendipitous coincidence.”
LZY: Obviously, when the administrative department was selecting the team-building destination, in order to advocate for Nan’Ao Island to be included in the list, a certain someone even went out of her way and brought a PowerPoint presentation to explain.
LZY: What was it? Something along the lines of “since there’s a hierarchical relationship, if LFG chooses Nan’Ao Island, they can enjoy discounts and save on budget funds.”
LZY: “After tirelessly working for the entire year, what better place to warm one’s heart than heading to a sun-drenched island during the chilly season?”
LZY: While you did deploy a bunch of rhetoric, you also appealed to emotions and reasoned with logic.
MC: In any case, judging from the results, the strategy did prove effective!
MC: CEO Li, rest assured. Since I’ve strived for this opportunity, I will ensure the quality of your team building is guaranteed.
MC: I pledge that no matter what, both CEO Li and the employees of LFG will enjoy a perfect vacation~
In the midst of our conversation, we’ve already reached the end of the boardwalk and stepped onto the soft, warm beach. Li Zeyan’s voice resonates from beside me.
LZY: And what about you?
MC: I’m gonna fulfill the duties of the “Elven Emissary ” and ensure you all have a great time, of course~
LZY: …a certain someone never forgets her professionalism.
In the distance, the hubbub of indistinct yet clamorous laughter emanates from the meeting point. I clear my throat and speak in a serious demeanor.
MC: I officially welcome you to the island~ Our magical holiday journey is about to begin!
──────────────
[Tidbits]:
[1] It’s a reference to his top-up SSR from this same event.
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
【Chapter 2】
As we get closer to the meeting point, the distant voices of conversation become increasingly clear. I loosen my grip on Li Zeyan’s arm, lowering my voice.
MC: I’ll go ahead first; we’ll catch up later, okay~
–
I gesture to another “Elven Emissary” as I speak. The latter, understanding my signal, walks in front of the unfolded map and speaks during the interval before I take the stage.
Staff Member: Up next is the segment for choosing your accommodation. Feel free to pick based on your preferences.
Staff Member: For those seeking a quiet retreat, you can choose locations near the “Healing Hot Springs” and the “Elves’ Home Bar.” The surroundings are picturesque, and it’s convenient to reach us whenever needed.
Staff Member: If you lean towards activities, you might want to choose accommodations near the boardwalk. This not only offers more convenient access to activity spots like “Blue Sea Snorkeling” and “Dragon Wing Gliding” but also…
MC: But also, there’s a higher concentration of hidden items in the nearby area!
Seizing the opportunity, I smoothly take over the conversation and walk to the front. And sure enough, a curious inquiry reaches my ears.
Employee A: What was that you just mentioned about the hidden items?
Beaming ear to ear, I raise a string of coconut shell bracelets.
MC: This is the Easter egg segment we’ve designed~
MC: Scattered around the captivating spots worth exploring on the island, you’ll find 16 sets of these bracelets. If you find them, please pass them over to the Elven Emissaries.
MC: Once you collect them all, you’ll unlock a hidden scenery–– share this delightful surprise with someone you hold dear~
MC: Now, who would like to come up first and choose their accommodation?
The air buzzes with excitement as conversations erupt. Though no one comes forward to take the stage, everyone simultaneously turns their eyes to the back of the crowd as if in tacit agreement.
My gaze follows the direction of the crowd, and looking up, I see Li Zeyan standing alone under the shade of a tree.
Probably not wanting to draw attention to himself, he has deliberately chosen a spot slightly removed from the crowd. However, he is still unable to escape from the employees’ gazes locking precisely onto him.
The beach at the moment is akin to a natural conference room, with countless eyes of either admiration or curiosity trained on Li Zeyan, all awaiting his directives.
I struggle to contain the urge to hook my lips into a smile, suddenly recalling Li Zeyan’s words from our video call – “They can only truly relax when the higher-ups are not around.”
During the relaxed time of team-building, it’s actually a great opportunity to lessen the sense of distance between superiors and subordinates...!
Suddenly, an idea pops into my mind, and I speak with a beaming smile on my face.
MC: Although no one has spoken yet, their collective gazes have already pointed to the most fitting candidate.
MC: That handsome gentleman back there! Could you come up to the stage, please?
LZY: …
Across the bustling crowd, Li Zeyan and I lock eyes for a brief moment before he finally walks unhurriedly to the front of the stage.
The moment our shoulders brush against each other, his thin lips move almost imperceptibly.
LZY: [GAHH THE “THREATENING” WHISPER] You’re gonna have to settle this account later.
MC: C’mon, enliven the atmosphere a bit. Please cooperate, CEO Li~
I also answer in a voice that only the two of us can hear, briskly leading him to stand in front of the map. Then, with a serious demeanor, I ask.
MC: I wonder which accommodation you’re planning to choose?
As I speak, my fingertips trace over the area near the “Elves’ Home Bar” as if inadvertently, and I stare at Li Zeyan expectantly.
His gaze wanders over the map for a moment, then he raises his hand and points to a vacation cabin nestled within the dense forest at the far end of the bay.
LZY: This one here.
LZY: However, it’s in a rather secluded location. I’m afraid I won’t be able to find my way there alone.
With this sentence, he slips one hand into his pocket and turns sideways, looking at me with an indolent gaze. Although he hasn’t said anything explicitly, I clearly catch his implication and discreetly pout my lips.
MC: ...Then, after everyone has chosen their accommodations, I’ll––
Goldman: Actually, after CEO Li’s demonstration, the process has become much clearer. We can complete the remaining steps under the guidance of others.
Goldman: Going in groups like this will also increase efficiency.
Goldman pushes his glasses up and suddenly speaks from the audience.
Several threads of understanding or confusion are thrown from the crowd, but they all nod in agreement in groups of two or three.
LZY: Could you lead the way now, “Miss Elven Emissary”?
MC: …please follow me. Everyone else, carry on.
Amidst the lively atmosphere, I escort Li Zeyan off the stage and walk out of the crowd. It’s not until we are seated in the equipped car that I turn to look at him.
MC: Sob, sob~ and here I was so sure of our tacit understanding. Did you not catch the hint I gave you just now?
MC: This place is the furthest from our offline work information exchange hub, “Elves’ Home Bar.” I’ll have to take so many detours in the future…
Suddenly, a warm touch lands on my lips. Li Zeyan raises his hand and caresses my lips, sending a wave of tingling sensation through me.
LZY: Well, isn’t that just perfect.
In the faintly intoxicating sea breeze, he leans in toward me, his voice tinged with a touch of indolence.
LZY: Since it’s so troublesome, just reduce the frequency of your visits.
LZY: Invest all the time you would have spent there on me instead.
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
【Chapter 3】
The cozy tropical sunshine beams down as I sit on the deck of the small boat, adjusting the fishing net. Suddenly, a few drops of cool seawater land on my cheeks.
Li Zeyan floats up from the sea, lifting the breathing tube with one hand, and squints slightly as he looks in my direction.
LZY: Wasn’t it a certain someone who took the initiative for this and said she wanted to try her hand at fishing?
LZY: Why is she dilly-dallying now?
MC: Let me finish fastening this last buttonhole… don’t rush me!
I lazily scoop up a handful of water and splash it back at him. Looking at the dripping wet hair over Li Zeyan’s forehead out of the corner of my eye, I can’t help bursting into laughter.
MC: Don’t you feel this scene gives a sense of deja vu?
MC: It feels like when we were on White Pearl Island, I was waiting for you to come back from pearl diving just like this. [2]
As I speak, I adjust the equipment and give him an OK gesture. Li Zeyan seems to recall something as well, and a glint of smile glides across his dark-colored irises.
LZY: All I remember is you waiting on the deck for about ten minutes, and then you started feeling bored.
LZY: When I got on the ship, you persistently kept asking about the underwater scenery.
As he says this, he reaches out and clasps my palm, bridging the distance between him and me.
LZY: And this time, you can accompany me to see it together.
With these words, Li Zeyan pulls me along and together, we dive into the warm, cerulean sea.
The scenery undersea is akin to a picture scroll, its novel appearances unfolding before our eyes through the diving mask.
Schools of fish shuttle through the vibrant, swaying coral. Occasionally, one or two would swim alone, leisurely swishing their tails as they cruise along.
The target suddenly appears, capturing my attention instantly. I swiftly dash forward and swing the net. Unexpectedly, the fish rapidly changes direction and escapes from my encirclement.
MC: …
Li Zeyan casts a sidelong glance at me, his long legs sheathed in a black diving suit swaying leisurely in the sea waves.
Despite the breathing tube and diving mask obscuring his face, I can still vaguely discern a smile.
Unwilling to resign myself, I chase after several lone fish again, but all my attempts to catch them end in failure. I grab his hand and float to the surface, exhaling a sigh of frustration.
MC: These fish are too agile. Can I apply for some assistance from outside?
Upon hearing my words, Li Zeyan glances at me and takes off his breathing tube.
LZY: When you say “assistance from outside,” what exactly are you referring to?
MC: I was referring to CEO Li’s Evol, of course~
MC: As long as you pause time for just a moment, we can catch them all in one fell swoop, can’t we!?~
I lean in with a beaming smile on my face but am stopped by Li Zeyan’s outstretched finger pressing against my forehead.
LZY: Even if we succeed this way, there won’t be much joy in it.
LZY: Instead, we should slow down our movements and allow the fish to relax their vigilance. Once they feel safe, they’ll come closer on their own.
LZY: When the time comes, they naturally won’t have any chance to escape.
Seeing my skeptical gaze, Li Zeyan doesn’t offer further explanation. He simply puts on his breathing tube and motions for me to join him in diving underwater again.
I follow behind him, observing as he pauses with the net in front of a cluster of coral, quietly slowing his movements. Before long, sure enough, a few fish swim over.
Silently, Li Zeyan leans forward, waiting until the fish approaches the net without any alertness, then swiftly pulls the net together.
Eyes wide, I suppress the excitement bubbling within me as we float up. I watch as Li Zeyan lifts the net, several fish floundering vigorously inside.
Glistening droplets of water cascade down his damp forehead, melding into his equally soaked neck and broad shoulders. I can’t help but gasp in awe.
MC: So amazing! You managed to really catch them!
LZY: I learned quite a few techniques from the fishermen back when we were on White Pearl Island. Just putting some of that knowledge to use. [3]
Li Zeyan lifts his hand and swings the net onto the small boat as he speaks, then helps me up onto the deck. Followed by this, he speaks with a hint of amusement in his tone.
LZY: On the other hand, a certain someone has already been on this island for quite a long time for planning and on-site inspection purposes.
LZY: How come it is that no matter if it’s diving or fishing, there’s always a sense of novelty in your reactions?
MC: Hehe, I indeed haven’t had the chance to enjoy myself here. This island is more of a workplace for me, after all.
MC: Every day, I’ve had to stay on top of the situation on-site, adjust program designs and coordinate personnel arrangements…
MC: Sob, sob, I’d just pass out as soon as I went back to my room, so I didn’t even have any time to explore properly.
A warm touch lands on my cheek as Li Zeyan casually wipes away the water streaks from my face, giving me a somewhat helpless glance.
LZY: Aren’t you always on the dot to remind me about “seizing” the chances to relax when I’m on business trips?
LZY: I remember you mentioning before that you’re not the only person responsible for this project inspection.
LZY: So, how come you didn’t sneak off to “touch fish” and relax a little? [4]
MC: I just can’t help but feel a little uneasy without seeing things with my own eyes. After all, this project is going to be recommended to LFG, so it’s only natural that I must ensure every detail is ironed out.
MC: Moreover, haven’t I already “seized” it back? Being by your side is already the best method of “touching fish.”~ [5]
Grinning, I reach out and touch the fish still flopping around in the net, the tail note of my voice carrying a cheerful lilt. Beside me, Li Zeyan chuckles softly in response.
LZY: A certain dummy has always been quite skilled at comforting herself.
LZY: So, what’s the plan for these fish?
MC: The restaurants on the island do offer processing services… but I want to push the envelope a little further.
Beaming from ear to ear, I lift my chin towards the open-air barbecue area on the shore as I speak. Li Zeyan follows my gaze, his voice now tinged with a hint of comprehension.
LZY: When it comes to troublesome tasks such as this, a certain someone really spurs into action.
MC: But I also need someone here to cooperate~ Pretty please, Li Zeyan; it’s been ages since I have experienced your culinary masterpieces!
As I speak, I fold my hands together in a gesture of prayer and gaze at him. Although Li Zeyan remains non-committal, the glimmer of a smile in his eyes grows increasingly pronounced.
—
Sure enough, once the small boat stops by the boardwalk, Li Zeyan picks up the net.
LZY: Go change your clothes.
LZY: Decide on the flavor you want, grab the condiments, and meet me at the barbecue area.
With Li Zeyan’s promise, my mood can’t help but brighten all the more.
After changing into dry clothes, I head toward the “supply point,” filled with joy and expectation, mentally calculating as I walk––
Naturally, we should include the local specialty sauces… but what if Li Zeyan doesn’t have a taste for them? I should also bring some classic condiment pairings like spiced salt and hot pepper…
Staff Member: Excuse me… Miss Elven Emissary!
A hesitant call sounds from behind me. I quickly snap out of my thoughts, and a polite smile forms at the corner of my lips.
MC: May I help you with something?
Staff Member: I just found one of the bracelets you guys mentioned while taking photos by the reef. Could you please guide me to the registration area?
The other party opens their palm towards me as she speaks. My gaze falls on the beaded bracelet, and my eyes can’t help but sparkle a bit at the sight of it.
The first bracelet has been found so quickly! This collection task seems to be progressing even more smoothly than I imagined…
MC: Of course, please follow me~
I reply in a brisk tone and send a message to Li Zeyan, letting him know that I’d be ten minutes late. Then, I escort the girl to the “Elves’ Home Bar.”
After taking care of everything, I inadvertently glance at my phone. My heart suddenly stutters.
…It’s been twenty minutes past the time I promised Li Zeyan that I’d be there.
—
I rush towards the open-air barbecue area at lightning speed, carrying the bottles and cans in my arms, and spot Li Zeyan leaning against the long table.
Several plates are already arranged on the table. As I draw nearer, the tantalizing aroma of grilled delights wafts into my nostrils, clearly indicating that they’ve been ready for quite some time.
Seemingly hearing my footsteps, Li Zeyan lifts his gaze to look at me. I promptly dash a few steps forward.
MC: I’m sorry for making you wait for so long… haha, the aroma is so delightful!~
MC: As expected of Mr. Li. You can maintain top-notch performance even without any condiments!
LZY: These fish have already been seasoned. You can stop buttering me up now.
LZY: While I was waiting for you earlier, a staff member passed by in the vicinity, so I asked him to help me fetch them.
LZY: Otherwise, if I were to wait for a certain someone to bring them back, the fish would have all burned.
MC: The route to the registration point was a bit circuitous. I didn’t realize it’d take this long.
As I rush to explain at lightning bolt speed, a not-so-firm yet no-so-gentle tap lands on my head.
LZY: [laughs helplessly] Dummy, I’m not mad.
LZY: I just realized that you seem to be particularly invested in this group task.
MC: Because I designed that surprise single-handedly from scratch. Instead of it staying hidden, I rather hope it can be seen by everyone~
MC: And, to be honest, I also have a bit of a selfish motive.
MC: “The harvest reaped from a certain someone’s efforts during this time has indeed been worthwhile.”... I want to hear you say these words personally after seeing the “surprise.”~
LZY: [laughs even more helplessly] You’re already an accomplished producer in your own right, do you still need this kind of affirmation?
MC: Of course~ After all, affirmation from clients and work partners is recognition of my capabilities, which fuels my resolve to keep pushing forward.
MC: However, the affirmation from my boyfriend–– can sweep away all the weariness from this period, filling me with motivation to welcome the next challenge head-on~
LZY: [even more indulgently] Dummy.
As he says this, his baritone voice softens slightly, and he forks a piece of fish and brings it to my lips.
The delicious flavor explodes on the tip of my tongue. I squint my eyes contentedly, listening as Li Zeyan speaks in a low voice.
LZY: It’s okay to give yourself a break without any worries.
LZY: Don’t underestimate the people at LFG.
──────────────
[Tidbits]
[2+3] It’s a reference to LZY’s first UR card story: “Melding Into You.”
[4+5] The term used here is “摸鱼” (lit. meaning touch fish), which is actually used to mean “slacking off.” There are a lot of playful puns here, which I’m too exhausted to explain rn. Anyway, while I could have used the fig. meaning, I went with the lit. one b/c the conversation revolves around the whole fish imagery here, e.g., you see MC touching the fish they’ve caught together (with him guiding her) as she says her best method of slacking off, i.e., relaxing, is simply being with him– which essentially is a core part of this date, which you’ll see unfolding later ahah 🥺
—
•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•
—
【Chapter 4】
Outside the vacation cabin windows, the dense patter of rain mingles with the rustling of branches and leaves.
Standing on the terrace and looking outwards, I can see the buildings near and far being shrouded in a fine veil of rain.
I withdraw my gaze from the eaves outside and glance at the work group chat that has been continuously bombarding me with messages since just now.
The sudden downpour has only now begun to taper off. The patrol staff just reported that the beaded bracelet placed at the seaside has been washed into the sea.
If similar situations occur at the other sites where the bracelets are placed, it will surely impact the experience of the game. With this in mind, I swiftly send a few messages in the group chat.
MC: “Once the rain stops, let’s each go check the placement of props in our designated zones.”
In response, there comes a series of consecutive affirmations in the group chat. Deep in thought, I raise my head and gaze towards the forest outside the vacation cabin.
The nearest hiding spot to me is right here... I’ll have to seize the opportunity when Li Zeyan isn’t paying attention and sneak out for a quick look.
As I’m contemplating, Li Zeyan’s voice suddenly comes from behind.
LZY: It’s so late, and you still haven’t come to bed. What are you zoning out for?
I discreetly tighten my grip on my phone and turn around to look at Li Zeyan.
He is sitting reclined against the headboard, iPad in hand. His dark fringes hang leisurely, partially veiling his eyes.
A pair of glasses rests loosely on the bridge of his nose, reflecting several glimmering points of light from the screen.
I plop back onto the bed, casually leaning closer to him as if nothing has occurred.
MC: The rain outside is quite lovely, so I was just snapping a few photos.
MC: And what about you… it’s only been a few days since the vacation, why have you already started looking at documents?
Catching my curious gaze, Li Zeyan leans back and casually angles the iPad in my direction.
LZY: In order to complete a certain someone’s mission.
I move closer with some confusion, and a chart titled “Technology is the Ultimate Weapon” immediately enters my field of vision.
On the topographic map of the vacation island, at least a dozen annotations are sprawled, detailing analyses ranging from distribution patterns to minimum spacing radii, both internally and externally.
For a moment, I can’t help but be bewildered by the scale of the arrangement. Then I hear Li Zeyan’s voice coming from beside me.
LZY: As you can see, there are already people from LFG who have begun updating the guide in real-time.
LZY: In addition to taking turns searching during the vacation, they also share the locations they’ve already found the bracelets each day to avoid wasting time.
LZY: Goldman even went ahead and prepared charts, saying that it would narrow down the search area through data analysis.
I withdraw my gaze and meet Li Zeyan’s eyes with a moment of incredulity.
MC: Isn’t that taking it a bit too seriously… hang on, you didn’t assign this as a task to them, saying something like, “You must complete it within the designated time frame,” did you?
Li Zeyan shoots me a cryptic glance with a hint of ambiguity in his expression.
LZY: I haven’t become that unreasonable yet. This is something that interested individuals did voluntarily.
LZY: At the end of the day, it was a certain someone’s previous introduction that piqued their curiosity.
With a pensive “Oh,” I suddenly think of something.
MC: So, to derive from what you said, this is a private chat group? Then how are you––
There is a sudden hesitation in Li Zeyan’s demeanor.
LZY: [you can’t see me but I’m actually crying lmao 😭] …I asked Goldman to add me to it.
His voice remains very calm. I hold his gaze for a moment, but can’t help bursting into laughter.
MC: Pfft, haha, so it turns out CEO Li is also participating in this activity, huh! Then doesn’t that mean you have to lead the team and set an example?
MC: But you have the “secret weapon” in your hands! Just “please” me a little, and who knows? You might uncover some clues.
I teasingly poke his cheek. Li Zeyan doesn’t say anything and simply stares at me intently.
A moment later, he suddenly chuckles and casually takes off his glasses, setting them aside. Without the obstruction of the lenses, those deep eyes of his stare at me unabashedly.
LZY: [chuckles teasingly] How do you want me to “please” you?
His voice seems to take on a slightly huskier timbre than usual, as he reaches out and takes hold of my fingertips.
A wet, passionate kiss descends immediately. I quiver, instinctively wanting to pull back my hand, but he restrains my movements.
LZY: Like this?
LZY: …Or would you like me to go further in?
With these muffled words, his lips quietly trail to my neck, lingering there, taking his time and igniting a growing fire.
My heartbeat accelerates uncontrollably, but I still make a conscious effort to keep my willpower intact.
MC: …I already asked you to please me. Naturally, you should be the one to think about how to do it.
LZY: Hmm, I haven’t thought it through yet.
He appears to be genuinely reflective, but the force of his delivery suddenly increases, catching me unawares. The goblet glass at the head of the bed is knocked over, its content spilling silently and soaking the crumpled bedsheet.
I tightly clench the pillow, his voice reverberating in my ears.
LZY: [shaky, breathless voice x1] But since you’ve handed over the control to me…
LZY: [x2] When we should stop won’t be your call anymore.
—------------------------ interlude ------------------------—
The rain outside has stopped at some point. Only the gauze curtains in the distance dance in the breeze, occasionally making a rustling sound.
I stealthily open my eyes. The man next to me has half of his face buried in the pillow, his features traced by the moonlight pouring through the window.
His body rises and falls gently along with his light, rhythmic breathing. It seems that he has already drifted off to sleep.
MC: Li Zeyan? CEO Li? …Zeyan gege?
In order to feel out, I speak in a soft voice. Seeing that he still hasn’t responded, I slowly move his arm aside.
Then, gently and quietly, I rise from the bed, casting one last glance at the sleeping Li Zeyan before feeling at ease and pushing open the door.
—
Creak––
Along with this almost inaudible sound, the crisp air post-rain rushes towards me head-on.
The clear night drapes over the quiet vacation village, with the vaguely audible murmurs of the waves in the distance.
I walk along the cobblestone path into the woods, carefully identifying the location of the placement point by the distant lights.
The bracelet hanging from the branches sways gently in the breeze, almost blending into the dim light of the night.
Feeling relieved, I send a message to the group to confirm that everything was fine. But just as I’m about to leave, I can’t resist muttering to myself.
MC: …Li Zeyan, you really are a dummy.
MC: This hiding spot is clearly so close to where we’re residing, and yet you still haven’t found it.
LZY: After all, considering the vast expanse of the area to search through, it’s surely going to consume a lot of time.
LZY: Instead of running around aimlessly, it’s better to wait patiently for the chance to arrive.
A familiar voice sounds from behind me. Startled, I turn around at lightning pace. There, standing behind me, is the person who I saw seemingly “sound asleep” just a moment ago, now watching me.
MC: You… You were actually pretending to be asleep!
LZY: A little correction. I was simply concerned about your safety when I noticed you were heading out so late, that’s all.
LZY: The discovery I’ve made just now can only be regarded as an unexpected gain.
Li Zeyan’s eyes mirror a contemplative interest as he speaks.
LZY: On the contrary, a certain someone here seems to be getting more and more adept at pulling the wool over people’s eyes.
LZY: While her leading foot earnestly vowed that she was genuinely exhausted and just wanted to sleep quickly, her trailing foot dashed out the door to be busy with this and that…
LZY: [GAH THAT MENACINGLY SEDUCTIVE TONE] It seems like I don’t need to be mindful of such excuses from now on.
The roots of my ears can’t help but flush a bit, and I let out a cough before offering an explanation.
MC: Circumstances change… my current action is entirely driven by my dedication to work.
Li Zeyan lets out an ambiguous “ah.” His figure is outlined by the distant lights, casting a slender silhouette that projects onto me.
Amidst the murky darkness, I discern his voice carrying a slightly deeper chuckle, and it seems a little more muffled than usual.
LZY: Sophistry.
LZY: Whether or not there’s some truth to it… I’ll examine it in my own way.
His voice drops to a whisper, and what follows is a warm and entangled kiss.
I find myself involuntarily clutching onto the corner of his garment, tilting my head back to reciprocate. The next moment, I feel the tip of his tongue gently glide across the roof of my mouth.
Despite the brevity of that touch, it sends a shiver through me, making me tremble uncontrollably. I feel as if my heartbeat is about to melt into the fiery breath of this moment.
??: Has this area not been searched yet?
Indistinct chatter suddenly echoes from a distance. I gasp and turn my head, watching as two blurry figures appear far off at the edge of the woods.
MC: They seem to be looking for clues… We…
Before I can finish my entire sentence, it’s gradually drowned out by stifled whimpers.
Li Zeyan closes in on me from the back, covering me deeply. His one hand presses against my lips, seemingly trying to hush my voice.
His slender fingers teasingly caress the space between my teeth. After playing around for a while, they irresistibly delve further in.
MC: …!
LZY: They should know what’s appropriate.
LZY: But if you can’t control your voice… that might be a problem for us.
His fingertips carry the slight chill of the night, stirring my tongue every now and then. It feels like an appeasement, and yet also a form of punishment.
All the sounds in my ears fade away, leaving only the pounding of my heart, growing more and more violent amidst the whimpers. Unconsciously, I bite down on the fingers he has inserted.
His embrace, imprisoning me, tightens even more. A moist kiss descends onto the nape of my neck, followed by gentle nibbles, trailing down to my chest.
Rumble––
The rain, which came to a halt, has begun pouring down at some point unbeknownst to us, pitter-pattering onto the surface and creating ripples.
In the embrace of the night, everything is steeped in the surging tide.
──────────────────────────────────────────
Continue to Part 2: here!
────────────────
#the first time ever i split a date translation in half haha. it was too big and Tumblr doesn't allow more than 30 pics in a post so 🙇♀️#*screams* LI ZEYAAAANNNNNNNN ✧\(>o<)ﾉ✧ THE MAN YOU ARE 🧎♀️#couldn't carve out time for the two thousand words essay i initially wanted to write so y'all have been spared AHAHAH 🫠#mlqc victor#mlqc li zeyan#mlqc#mr love victor#mr love queen's choice#恋与制作人#李泽言#love and producer#mlqc cn#mlqc spoilers#mlqc translations
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I have a pinned post for my games in development, but it doesn't really describe what they're about, and apparently this is something we're doing today, so:
My games in development, in rough order of priority:
(Note: all of these have public playtest drafts behind the links.)
Eat God
A game about weird little anarchist muppets with reality-warping powers themed after classic Looney Tunes gags wandering around a classic sword-and-sorcery fantasy setting stirring up trouble. Roughly 50% character creation rules by volume, with provisions for randomising every part of it; the linked draft, above, includes an online character generator if you want to play with it. The mechanics are a sort of elaborated spiritual successor to Costume Fairy Adventures, a game whose development I headed up about a decade ago.
Current status: actively writing, hopefully zeroing in on a feature-complete playtest draft within the next month or two.
Tiny Frog Wizards
One of my customarily literal titles, this is a game where you play as wizards who are tiny frogs. Features elaborate semi-freeform rules for casting spells, lots of big stupid random tables for when spells go off the rails, and absolutely no mechanics for anything that isn't casting a spell; it's a very focused sort of game. Narratively, it's a game about being an overpowered little twerp sticking your nose into other people's problems and offering solutions no-one asked for. Portions of the rules crib shamelessly from @jennamoran's Nobilis 3rd Edition, for which I offer acknowledgement but no apologies.
Current status: development of the text has been set aside for the moment to work on visual identity, with an eye toward crowdfunding an expanded hardcover edition later in the year.
Space Gerbils
A tactical mecha combat game with a very silly twist: the entirety of the tactical positioning occurs inside the mecha, because the game's premise is basically "what if instead of the Big Reveal at the end of Metroid (1986) being that Samus Aran is secretly a girl, Samus Aran was secretly 3–5 small gerbil-like creatures operating a person-size mech suit?" Players engage in positional jockeying and resource management to determine which stations they're crewing within the suit, which is boiled down to a single roll of the dice to determine what happens outside the suit. Includes papercraft minifigs.
Current status: essentially feature-complete, apart from some character creation options and a planned random mission generator; this will likely be the next game I crowdfund after Tiny Frog Wizards.
Indie RPG Prompt Generator [working title]
Essentially a joke that got out of hand, this is a big set of random tables of common indie RPG tropes that you can roll on to generate a description of a hypothetical game, complete with specific rules toys and setting beats. I probably could have finished this up already, but I decided to include examples of each rolled element, which turned into this big hairy research project I'm not able to give adequate attention to right now. If you've got a game of your own that you think would be a good fit for a presently unfilled example slot, please, let me know!
Current status: plugging away at it in bits and pieces as I'm able.
Three Raccoons in a Trenchcoat
This is an anthology consisting of three minigames: the eponymous Three Raccoons in a Trenchcoat, which is self-explanatory; Unfamiliar, in which you play as uncooperative wizards' familiars; and System Crash, in which you play as malfunctioning robots. More a series of formal experiments in character creation and group composition than proper full-featured games, all share the same core mechanics, with milieu-specific addons of varying practicality; for example, System Crash has specific rules for which senses each player is allowed to use when asking the GM for information, because it's completely possible to have a group in which only one of the robots can see. Large portions of Unfamiliar were later re-used in Eat God, above.
Current status: I have a list of notes as long as your arm on planned changes to integrate into the text, and I'm confident I'll get around to doing so one of these years.
Gone to Hell
Literally a Doom (2016) pastiche as a Belonging Outside Belonging game, which is just as silly an idea as it sounds; grown out of an earlier 24-hour RPG called Doomguy. The central conceit is that there's only a single player character, with players taking turns assuming the role of the Slayer, while everyone else takes ownership of the various hostile factions comprising the game's conspiratorial twelve-car pileup of a plot. Lots of pontificating about the implicit power structures of tabletop RPG groups. This one probably needs a full rewrite in order to lend a bit more formal structure to the "one player character, many GMs" conceit than out-of-the-box BOB offers.
Current status: I have not looked at this game in three years, which is actually a really long time for me.
Rotate Bird
Another of my "is this a formal experiment or a real game" titles, this one revolves around constructing characters out of abstract symbols, which are interpreted during play to retroactively define what your character is actually capable of doing. Even the title seen above is an interpretive approximation; strictly speaking, the game is called 🔄🐦. Possibly the most shitposty game I've ever written, which is saying something, but based on playtest feedback it seems functional.
Current status: the only reason this is listed as lower in priority than Gone to Hell is because I genuinely don't know what to do with it. It's probably publishable, with some cleanup editing and graphic design, but it feels like there's something missing. I'm open to suggestions!
Get in the Fucking Robot
A pamphlet-size, competitive, GMless title that's at least as much a board game as it is a tabletop RPG, this one is about a bunch of dysfunctional candidate mecha pilots competing to be the first to pilot the titular giant robot. The game is played under misère conditions: while each character's IC goal is to pilot the robot, each player's OOC goal is to avoid that fate, with the player whose character actually Gets in the Fucking Robot being accounted the loser.
Current status: playtesting suggests the current framework of play doesn't actually work – like, at all – so this one needs to go all the way back to the drawing board; I don't feel like doing that any time soon, which puts it squarely at the bottom of the list.
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Academic Duels
Synopsis: In the halls of Daewon High School, you academic rivalry, born of contrasting styles, laid the groundwork for an unexpected connection. A tale of competition, shared recognition, and evolving relationship.
A/n: Academic Rivalry,some playful banter,Bada being kind,is a bit rushed
Word Count:3.9k
The story of the academic rivalry between you and Bada could be traced back to the halls of Daewon High School, a prestigious institution in the bustling heart of Seoul. Both of you were prodigies in your own right, emerging as academic stars in a sea of bright minds. The competitive spirit that simmered beneath the surface of your scholarly pursuits had its roots in the early days of your high school journey.
As freshmen, you and Bada were already making waves with your exceptional performances. The teachers couldn't help but marvel at the intellectual prowess displayed by two students who seemed destined for greatness.
Your backstory was one of humble beginnings. Born into a middle-class family, you had always viewed education as the key to transcending societal limitations. The determination to succeed and prove your worth had been instilled in you by your parents, who worked tirelessly to provide you with the opportunities they never had.
Bada, on the other hand, hailed from a family with a long lineage of scholars and intellectuals. The pressure to uphold the family legacy weighed heavily on her shoulders. Her parents, both accomplished academics, had set a high bar for success, and Bada was determined to not only meet but exceed those expectations.
The first encounter that set the stage for your academic rivalry occurred in the freshman year English class. The teacher, recognizing the exceptional talent in both of you, assigned a collaborative project that would serve as a precursor to the competition that would unfold over the years.
As fate would have it, you and Bada were paired together for the project. Initially, it seemed like a harmonious partnership, with the shared goal of producing a stellar presentation. However, as the days progressed, the differences in your approaches became apparent.
You, driven by a passion for the subject and a desire to delve deep into the material, took a creative and holistic approach to the project. Bada, with her meticulous and analytical mindset, preferred a structured and methodical strategy. The clash of these contrasting methodologies resulted in a project that was neither a seamless fusion of ideas nor a harmonious collaboration.
When the teacher evaluated the project, the feedback was mixed. The creativity and depth of your insights were praised, but the lack of structure and organization drew criticism. Bada, on the other hand, received commendation for the precision and clarity of her contributions but was urged to consider incorporating a more creative element.
The experience left both of you with a sense of dissatisfaction. For you, it was the first taste of a less-than-perfect performance, while for Bada, it was an unaccustomed brush with constructive criticism. The dynamic had shifted, and an unspoken challenge lingered in the air.
The following years witnessed an escalation of the rivalry. Each exam, project, or presentation became a battleground where you and Bada sought not just to excel but to outshine each other. The competition fueled an unrelenting pursuit of excellence that saw both of you consistently topping the class.
In the crucible of academic fervor, the rivalry extended beyond the classroom. Extracurricular activities, leadership positions, and even accolades from teachers became markers of success to be fiercely contested. The once-harmonious atmosphere of Daewon High School now crackled with the electric energy of a rivalry that had transcended the ordinary.
The competitive spirit, while driving you and Bada to extraordinary heights, also exacted a toll on your personal lives. Friendships were strained as the pursuit of academic superiority overshadowed other aspects of high school life. The unspoken tension in the hallways, the pointed glances exchanged during class discussions, and the occasional clashes in student council meetings became defining features of your high school experience.
The teachers, observing the intensity of the rivalry, attempted to channel it into positive avenues. You and Bada were often chosen to represent the school in academic competitions, debates, and quiz bowls. While these opportunities provided a platform to showcase your talents on a broader stage, they also heightened the stakes of the rivalry.
Despite the competitive undercurrent, there were moments of shared recognition. The mutual acknowledgment of each other's brilliance, even if begrudgingly given, fostered a strange camaraderie. You both knew that the rivalry, while fierce, was also a source of mutual growth and intellectual stimulation.
"You did well in the debate today," you acknowledged, unable to completely conceal the admiration in your voice.
Bada responded with a slight nod. "Your points were impressive too. It's always a challenge keeping up with your unpredictability."
The recognition, however, did little to assuage the burning desire for supremacy. The rivalry continued to drive both of you to push the boundaries of academic achievement.
The banter and debates during those high school years had a different flavor. In the classrooms of Daewon High School, where the echoes of spirited discussions reverberated, the story of you and Bada unfolded amidst playful taunts and competitive banter.
"Looks like you narrowly escaped defeat in today's quiz," Bada teased, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
You shot back, "Narrowly? I call it strategic brilliance. Keeps you on your toes, doesn't it?"
The teachers, familiar with the dynamics between you two, often found themselves caught in the crossfire of banter.
"Ah, the intellectual sparring continues. I'm beginning to think I should assign you both to opposing debate teams," Mr. Kang, your history teacher, remarked with a chuckle.
Bada replied, "We'd welcome the challenge, wouldn't we? It might make things more interesting."
The banter extended beyond the academic realm. During student council meetings, where both of you held prominent positions, the discussions often took on a competitive edge.
"I propose we implement a mentorship program," you suggested, eyeing Bada with a challenge in your gaze.
Bada responded, "While mentorship is valuable, let's not forget the importance of independent learning. We don't want to coddle our fellow students."
The debates, while spirited, were always underlined by a mutual respect. The rivalry, though palpable, was a driving force that propelled both of you to strive for excellence.
Amidst the playful banter, there were moments of genuine collaboration. The fusion of your creative approach and Bada's analytical mindset occasionally resulted in projects that showcased the power of your combined intellects.
One such project, where you both collaborated on a research paper exploring the intersection of literature and science, garnered praise from your professors. The recognition, albeit shared, did little to quell the ongoing rivalry.
— — — — —
The hallways of Seoul National University echoed with the hurried footsteps of students rushing to their next classes. Among them were you and Bada, academic rivals whose competitive spirits fueled a perpetual race for excellence.
In the realm of academics, you and Bada were often neck-and-neck. Your prowess in the sciences matched her linguistic finesse, and each test became a battleground where victory was never guaranteed. The atmosphere between you two was always charged with unspoken competition, and your grades were the scoreboard that determined the winner.
Today was no different. The air buzzed with anticipation as the university prepared to release the results of the latest round of exams. The stakes were high, and both of you knew that this could be the moment that tilted the scales in one direction.
The backstory of this rivalry traced back to your first year at the university. Both you and Bada were standout students in your respective high schools, used to being at the top of your class. When you found yourselves in the same university, it was inevitable that your paths would cross.
The competition began innocently enough, with friendly banter and subtle attempts to outshine each other. However, as the semesters progressed, the rivalry intensified. Your accomplishments became the measuring stick for Bada, and vice versa. The stakes were not just about grades; they were about asserting dominance and proving who was truly the best.
As you entered the lecture hall where the test results were to be announced, a knot of nerves twisted in your stomach. The room was abuzz with whispers, and the tension was palpable. Bada, with her customary stoic expression, sat a few seats away from you. The unspoken challenge hung in the air like an electric current.
The professor walked in, holding a stack of graded papers. The room fell into a hushed silence as he prepared to distribute the tests. The moment of truth had arrived.
One by one, the professor called out names and handed back the exams. The tension in the room escalated with each passing moment. As your name was called, you reached out to grab your test, trying to hide the tremble in your hands. You quickly scanned the pages, relief washing over you as you saw the coveted "100%" at the top.
A triumphant smile crept across your face as you turned to glance at Bada. "What did you get?" you asked curiously, a mix of excitement and anticipation in your voice.
Bada's expression remained impassive as she received her test. She glanced at the pages and replied, "99%," her tone cold and unaffected.
A surge of exhilaration coursed through your veins. For the first time, it seemed victory was firmly in your grasp. "Well, looks like I finally got the upper hand this time," you said, unable to conceal the wide grin that spread across your face.
Bada met your gaze with a steady look, her poker face betraying no emotion. "Congratulations," she replied simply, her voice devoid of any hint of rivalry.
You couldn't resist the urge to boast. "I guess I've broken the cycle. Maybe this is the beginning of a winning streak," you declared, reveling in the momentary triumph.
As the news of your perfect score spread through the lecture hall, whispers of congratulations and admiration filled the air. Friends patted you on the back, and the sense of accomplishment lifted your spirits.
However little did you know the true nature of Bada's response. While she maintained her cool facade, there was a subtle glint of satisfaction in her eyes. What you didn't realize was that she had intentionally missed one question, not out of negligence, but as a calculated move. Bada had liked you for a long time, and this small act was her way of creating a moment of joy for you.
As you continued to bask in the glory of your achievement, Bada sat there, seemingly indifferent to the numbers on her paper. In reality, her heart carried a secret that she had guarded for far too long. The satisfaction in her eyes was not just about letting you win this round; it was about creating a moment that would make you smile, blissfully unaware of her feelings.
The rivalry between you and Bada had always been more than academics. Beneath the competitive banter and shared challenges, a connection had quietly blossomed. Bada had admired you for your dedication, your passion, and the genuine kindness that you extended to everyone around you. It wasn't just about being the best academically; it was about being the kind of person that made her heart skip a beat.
The backstory to this unexpected gesture traced back to a moment of vulnerability. Bada, with her sharp intellect and disciplined approach to academics, had always been perceived as an unyielding force. However, beneath the exterior of stoicism lay a desire for connection and understanding.
One day, as you were preparing for a particularly challenging exam, Bada caught a glimpse of the stress that clouded your usually confident demeanor. Instead of seizing the opportunity to press her advantage, she recognized the humanity in your struggle. It was then that she made a silent pact with herself – to occasionally let you taste the sweetness of victory, even if it meant deliberately missing a question.
In the weeks that followed, as you continued to revel in your newfound success, Bada observed from the sidelines. She saw how your confidence blossomed, how the taste of victory spurred you to even greater heights. And in those moments, she found a peculiar satisfaction – the satisfaction of seeing you smile, even if it was at the cost of a single percentage point.
The days turned into weeks, and the routine of academic rivalry persisted. However, an unspoken understanding had developed between you and Bada. She continued to be the formidable competitor, pushing you to excel, but every now and then, a subtle gesture hinted at a connection that transcended grades and competition.
In the midst of this dynamic, a friendship, unacknowledged and yet quietly thriving, began to take root. The rivalry that had once been fueled by a desire for supremacy now carried the weight of shared victories and unspoken gestures of camaraderie.
As the semester progressed, the academic challenges continued, but the relationship between you and Bada took on a new dimension. The hallways that were once silent witnesses to whispered rivalries now echoed with the occasional laughter and shared insights.
The library, with its hushed whispers and the scent of old books, became an unlikely setting for the next chapter in your evolving connection with Bada. As you both immersed yourselves in your studies, the atmosphere was charged with an unspoken camaraderie that had gradually replaced the intense rivalry of your earlier encounters.
One day, as you were engrossed in your textbooks and notes, Bada looked up from her own stack of books. "Do you want to grab a coffee after this?" she asked, her tone casual but carrying a warmth that transcended the usual competitiveness.
The invitation caught you by surprise, but the genuine sincerity in her eyes made it impossible to decline. "Sure, I'd love that," you replied, offering a genuine smile and a light blush. The idea of sharing a coffee, something that had started as a casual outing, had now become a symbol of the connection you were building.
As you both ventured into the campus café, the familiar aroma of coffee beans enveloped you. The atmosphere was light, free from the usual undercurrents of rivalry that had defined your interactions. The conversation flowed effortlessly, weaving through topics beyond the confines of academia.
"I never knew you were into literature," you remarked, genuinely intrigued by this new side of Bada.
She chuckled, her eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. "Yeah, I've always loved getting lost in a good book. There's something magical about the way words can transport you to different worlds."
The exchange of personal interests continued, revealing shared passions for travel and a mutual appreciation for the intricacies of the Korean language. The coffee outings became a regular occurrence, each one peeling away another layer of the barriers that had once defined your relationship.
As weeks turned into months, the initial wariness between you and Bada melted away, paving the way for a genuine connection. The unspoken pact, where occasional victories were traded for moments of acknowledgment, remained intact.
One afternoon, as you sat in your usual corner of the café, sipping coffee and sharing laughs, Bada seemed a bit more reserved than usual. The air carried a subtle tension, and you couldn't help but notice the thoughtful glances she occasionally directed your way.
"You seem a bit quiet today," you observed, your tone gentle. "Everything okay?"
Bada took a deep breath, as if gathering her courage. "Yeah, everything's fine. Actually, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."
The shift in her demeanor caught your attention. "Sure, go ahead. We're friends, right?"
A hint of relief but quick sadness flickered in Bada's eyes. "Yeah, friends," she affirmed, her gaze meeting yours. "I wanted to say... I that I really love our time together, and I don't want to mess it up, but I need to be honest with you."
Curiosity tinged with a touch of concern filled your expression. "Of course, Bada. You can be honest with me."
Taking another deep breath, she confessed, "I've liked you for a long time now. More than just as a study partner or a friend. I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but I didn't want to keep it from you."
Surprise registered on your face as you absorbed her words. Bada, the once stoic academic rival, had just revealed a vulnerability that spoke volumes. The café, with its low hum of background chatter, seemed to quiet down as you processed her confession.
The pause lingered for a moment, tension hanging in the air. Then, unexpectedly, you found yourself smiling. "Bada, I appreciate your honesty. I didn't see this coming, but I have to admit, I've liked you too."
Her eyes widened in genuine surprise. "You do?"
"Yeah," you chuckled, the weight of the unspoken tension lifting. "I guess our connection goes beyond just acing exams and grabbing coffee. I like you, Bada, more than I thought."
Relief washed over her, and a genuine smile graced her lips. "I was worried I might mess things up between us."
You reached across the table, gently taking her hand. "Bada, our connection is stronger than that. I'm glad you told me. Let's see where this takes us, without the pressures of academic rivalry."
From that moment, the dynamics of your relationship with Bada shifted once again. The coffee outings, once symbols of friendly competition, now became a canvas for the blossoming romance. The barriers had crumbled, revealing a connection that transcended the expectations of academia.
As the days turned into nights, you and Bada navigated this new chapter with a shared understanding. The unspoken pact, built on the foundation of occasional victories and heartfelt acknowledgments, had paved the way for a love story that had quietly unfolded beneath the surface of academic competition.
— — — — — —
The test results, once a source of tension, became a mere formality in the journey of your academic and personal growth. The rivalry that had once defined your interactions now stood as a testament to the transformative power of unexpected connections.
One day, as you and Bada sat in the same lecture hall where the initial rivalry had taken root, the professor announced another round of test results. The atmosphere, once thick with tension, now held an air of camaraderie.
As the professor called out names and distributed the exams, you and Bada exchanged knowing glances. The competitive spirit remained, but it was no longer fueled by a desire for supremacy. It was a shared journey of growth, each victory and defeat a stepping stone in the evolution of your friendship.
When you received your test, you scanned the pages, your heart pounding with anticipation. The familiar "100%" greeted you, and you couldn't help but smile. Turning to Bada, you asked, "What did you get?" Curiosity and genuine interest colored your words.
Bada, maintaining her composed demeanor, replied, "99%," with a hint of a smile playing on her lips.
The realization hit you – this was not a defeat but a continuation of the unspoken pact. You smiled widely, not as a display of triumph, but as an acknowledgment of the shared journey you and Bada had undertaken.
"I guess we're maintaining the balance," you said, your voice filled with a newfound understanding.
Bada nodded, the glint of satisfaction in her eyes mirroring your own. The professor, unaware of the intricacies of your connection, continued with the announcements, and the hall filled with a sense of collective achievement.
As you and Bada walked out of the lecture hall, the sun casting a warm glow over the campus, the unspoken pact between you two lingered in the air. The rivalry had evolved into a friendship, a connection that defied the expectations of competitiveness.
In the heart of Seoul National University, where the halls echoed with the pursuit of knowledge, the story of you and Bada became a testament to the transformative power of unexpected connections. The rivalry that once fueled the academic landscape now stood as a symbol of growth, shared victories, and the enduring bonds that emerged from the unlikeliest of beginnings.
Now, with the acknowledgment of your mutual feelings, the dynamics between you and Bada shifted once again. The coffee outings, once symbols of friendly competition, now became a canvas for the blossoming romance. The barriers had crumbled, revealing a connection that transcended the expectations of academia.
As the days turned into nights, you and Bada navigated this new chapter with a shared understanding. The unspoken pact, built on the foundation of occasional victories and heartfelt acknowledgments, had paved the way for a love story that had quietly unfolded beneath the surface of academic competition.
The exchange of glances had become laden with unspoken meanings, and every shared moment held a layer of intimacy that went beyond friendship. The sunsets over the campus felt warmer, and the laughter shared in the cafés echoed with the resonance of newfound affection.
One evening, as you both strolled through the campus, Bada couldn't resist a playful jab at your once intense rivalry. "Remember when you used to boast about being the smartest one in class?" she teased, nudging you lightly.
You chuckled, playing along. "Ah, those were the days when I had to remind you who the real brainiac was."
Bada raised an eyebrow, her eyes glinting with mischief. "Brainiac? Please, I seem to recall someone struggling to keep up with my brilliance."
You feigned offense, a playful glint in your eyes. "Oh, please. Your brilliance couldn't even match my wit."
The banter continued, each remark carrying the weight of shared history and a newfound camaraderie. As you both reached a quiet spot under a tree, the playfulness took a surprising turn. Bada, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, suddenly lunged at you, causing you to stumble backward.
Laughter echoed through the campus as Bada pinned you down playfully, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of challenge and affection. "Who's the brainiac now?" she teased, a playful grin on her face.
You couldn't help but grin back, the rush of the unexpected moment adding a layer of excitement to the playful banter. "Alright, you got me this time. But let's see who emerges victorious in our next academic duel."
Bada leaned in, her breath mingling with yours. "Oh, I'm looking forward to it. But for now, let's enjoy this little victory, shall we?"
As the playful banter lingered under the shade of the tree, Bada's eyes held a warmth that transcended the teasing. The laughter, the shared history, and the unexpected twists in your connection had brought you both to this moment.
Bada, still playfully pinning you down, leaned in with a gentle smile. "You know," she whispered, "sometimes the best victories are the ones we least expect."
A grin played on your lips as you replied, "I couldn't agree more."
In that suspended moment, the air between you and Bada crackled with anticipation. The playful rivalry had seamlessly transformed into a shared understanding, and the lines between competition and connection had blurred.
Without another word, Bada closed the distance, and your lips met in a tender kiss. The world around you seemed to fade, leaving only the soft rustle of leaves and the warmth of the embrace. The kiss, a culmination of unspoken feelings and the journey from rivals to something more, spoke volumes.
When you finally pulled away, a shared smile lingered between you. The playful banter, the academic duels, and the unexpected connection had led you to this moment, where the heartbeats echoed a new chapter in your evolving story.
In the heart of Seoul National University, where academic excellence met the uncharted territories of playful romance, the story of you and Bada continued to unfold. The once fierce academic rivals had discovered a bond that went beyond the confines of competition, and every banter-filled moment added a layer to the narrative of your evolving connection.
#bada lee x reader#swf2#swf2 x reader#bada lee#street woman fighter 2#bebe#bada lee fanfic#bada lee x oc#bada lee x y/n#bada x reader#bada lee imagine#lee bada#academic rivals
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Thoughts about tsats, trauma, and the cocoa puffs
Nico’s personality in tsats feels most reminiscent of what he was like in The Titans Curse which (imo) is a sign that he is slowly healing and living with his trauma.
The Sun and the Star emphasizes that trauma and PTSD can make it feel like one’s past life events happened to a completely different person, and it mentions that Nico relates to this feeling. This distancing of oneself from past memories, experiences, and personality can result in feeling disconnected for a while, taking on new personality traits, feeling like a chameleon mimicking others, or just feeling empty.
For some people (maybe, depending on when trauma occurs), healing can be about reconnecting with our childhood selves. Depending on what someone was like before trauma, like maybe Nico for example, that can mean becoming more emotional, being more playful, indulging in your childhood interests (eg. mythomagic cards). And Nico’s progression practically mirrored mine exactly through the years, and the ways I changed in ED treatment.
It's hard to let go of a disorder when in some cases it feels like the only thing that’s stayed stable in our lives. Suffering is touted as the pinnacle of art-- we see its romanticization everywhere. It sounds weird to say that I miss being sick, or I miss my suffering, when I'm actively trying to make my life better, but those thoughts do come up. And when it comes to characters I project that misery on to? Well, if I’m suffering, then they have to suffer with me! (After all, they’re just characters, it’s not that deep, right?) Except I found that the more I made my characters suffer, and focused on the ‘beauty’ of suffering, the harder it was for me to heal from my own. Whenever my health was in decline, I characterized my favorite characters the same way. It was just as hard to allow those characters to heal as it was to allow myself to heal. (Other people might not feel the same, though.)
I think Nico choosing to accept the physical manifestations of his demons (while also setting them free, and allowing them to exist as they please) mirrors the suggestion I was given in treatment when I struggled with the idea of ‘giving up’ my eating disorder– because to me, it was always either defeat the disorder or be consumed by it, and defeating it sounded like killing a part of me or erasing a part of my past or my home. Approaching treatment from the standpoint of killing my eating disorder scared me too much. I knew my disorder had caused problems for me, but many of the habits and behaviors I’d developed had served as my coping mechanism and they helped me survive.
So, my therapist told me: “You don’t have to shun your disorder, kill it, or say goodbye. Instead, you can acknowledge that it served a purpose during a point in your life in which you used it to survive, but you no longer need to hold on to it and that’s okay — you’re setting it free. Maybe even instead of saying goodbye, you can say ‘thank you, I’m alright now.’”
And that’s pretty much… exactly what Nico did with the demons. Bob, too, acknowledged that he was a titan, and that was part of his past, and that’s okay — but he’s allowed to change. And Nico is too.
I just found that really really wonderful because I related to it so heavily. He didn’t want to conquer his trauma in battle. He wanted it to just… be acknowledged, and set free. And it followed him, but he can have a better relationship with his past now. He’s not consumed by it. It’s just there, it’s a part of him, and he can continue to live his life. And I think reading this book (while trying to maintain and navigate post-treatment life) was exactly what I needed to remind myself why I’m doing this.
#sentences bolded purely because it helps my eyes follow things better hope it helps others + is not obnoxious i dont usually make posts#tsats#tsats spoilers#the sun and the star#solangelo#nico di angelo#pjo#ed recovery#and yeah. with the writing at times i was like ahhh im too in-college for this book arent i#but at the same time it made me remember what it felt like to read these books when i was a kid#and im reading about this character ive loved since i was in 2nd or 3rd grade and it feels like ive grown up with him#and it feels like we went through our trauma together. i read house of hades the year my dad died. and now its like we're getting through it#idkgkdhjhf#that being said: i kind of wish the cocoa puffs came about in a different way!!#it kind of felt like SA and that wasn’t addressed
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Gffan has done the following:
-Letting people comment transphobic stuff on his Server
-associating with a reddit mod whos known to be transphobic
-openly showing weird distaste for the Dipper being Trans headcanon (didn't he also say: "I hate the Dipper Trans Theory" to us once?)
He also believes there’s only 2 genders
Hello. So. I do not normally respond to anonymous discourse like this in my inbox as a rule (especially given this site's proclivity for seeing anon callouts weaponized against trans people and women and people of color), but I felt it was important to do this in this case, since I am publicly working on a project with ThatGFFan.
I have known GFFan for over a year now now (in an exclusively online capacity), and in that time, he has not only never misgendered me (a nonbinary trans person, someone outside the "2 genders" framework) but has also actively corrected people who have misgendered me. I have witnessed him speak against transphobia in the fandom and against transphobic content creators. The idea that he "believes there are only 2 genders" is inaccurate by every account I have of him.
As for other accusations in this ask, such as him "associating with a reddit mod who is known to be transphobic" I don't have any evidence for this presented to me, and even if I did, association in a public online space is not the same thing as sharing transphobic sentiment. There is room in any online space for a conversation about the optics of this kind of engagement, but if I had to apologize for every person I've ever engaged with civilly who I later learned was problematic in some way, I'd be here all day, and that would be an unproductive use of my time, and would not undo any harm done by that person.
Lastly, I hope ThatGFFan will not mind me saying this, but he is a young person (younger than you think, I assure you). If he has engaged with unsavory people in the past, or has indicated any kind of transphobic sentiment (neither of which I have any evidence of) it is my belief that we need to allow people to grow, especially when I have actively witnessed that growth firsthand. And in that case, I do think (and maybe I'm putting my faith in the wrong person here, so I hope this doesn't bite me one day), that he has made an active effort to learn how to do better, even if he makes mistakes in that process.
What you have done, anon, is entered my inbox with accusations against a person of color, half of which have no evidence behind them, and the other half that I personally know to be demonstrably false. Nobody who is a victim of this transphobia has come forward, at least that I saw, and if they did, that would be up to ThatGFFan to respond to - not me, a trans person unrelated and far-removed from whatever incident you are talking about (an incident that likely occurred when ThatGFFan was a minor, in any case).
I don't have a big platform. I am a small creator (much smaller than ThatGFFan), and a trans Palestinian person. Why am I being called upon to answer for a cis person's (alleged) missteps as they grow into an adult? Why am I being called upon to publicly shame and renounce a person who has shown me kindness and allyship? Is it so I can prove my dedication to the fight against transphobia? My entire blog, my entire body of work, my entire existence, has been an active fight against transphobia.
I mean, by God, all I can do is hope I'm doing the right thing here, but I vouch for him. Or I at least vouch that he is trying.
(p.s. I hope this goes without saying, but someone disliking a specific queer headcannon does not indicate one's political beliefs, and this is not going to be an accusation that I really engage with, because it sets a bad precedent. This is not a moral wrongdoing. This is an opinion you are suspicious of.)
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What kind of person will you meet soon?
Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur. You build your own life and destiny.
Choose one or more cards. Trust your intuition.
Card 1: The person is calm, unhurried, he can do everything slowly, he is balanced, even in stressful situations, he remains calm and does not give in to panic. This person can also be called a leader, he has the ability to lead people, to be in charge, he successfully achieves his goals and plans goals, he never stops there. He can also be called lucky, luck is always, or at least in most cases, on his side. In some situations, he may behave relaxed, bevause he know that victory will be on his side. At the same time, he cannot be called decisive, he often cannot make a decision, because he carefully considers the pros and cons of one or another option. He also cannot be called a permanent person, he may be interested in many topics, get carried away with something, but at the same time he does not have a permanent hobby or social circle. You will get to know this person thanks to your friend or acquaintances, you could also be in the same company all this time, but never communicate closely. Or you will be brought closer together by joint activities, work on a project. I also want to note that communication with this person will give you motivation, inner strength. If it was hard for you to refuse people or it was hard to defend your opinion, then through communication with this person you will learn to defend your personal boundaries, put a person in their place. It is also possible that you always judge and look at the situation from one side, but soon you will learn to look at things from two sides, which will help you not to jump to conclusions.
Card 2: I want to say right away that this is a person from the past! Perhaps earlier you were brought together by a close friendship, or maybe even you had sympathy for each other, or your parents communicated well with each other and therefore you also had to contact. It may not necessarily be your friend or lover, it may be a relative, a family member, a classmate, and a person with whom you shared a common activity, work. The person himself is sullen, uncommunicative and for the most part closed, laconic. A creative person, for some reason intuition suggests that he is interested in music, plays a musical instrument or collects albums of musical groups, knows many genres, perhaps creates music himself. But this is not necessarily music, there are many creative areas, remember this! By the way, despite his sullenness, he is quite generous and always ready to help in difficult times, share experience, advice, support and comfort. Perhaps he drives a car or rides a motorcycle, skateboard, bicycle scooter, etc. And it is also possible that he often moves. With regard to what communication with this person will give you…Faith in yourself and the belief that you can move mountains, because you are a very capable person in yourself, you learn a lot and know how to do a lot. Now it is morally difficult for you and you feel like a loser or do not understand how to be and what to do next. Therefore, communication with a person should help you or at least raise your inner mood.
Card 3: Here we are talking about a peson who is quite well-groomed and neat, always dresses well and has a sense of style, he is in the center of attention and it is difficult not to notice such a person. With all this, the person looks unapproachable, it is difficult to get to know and get closer to him, he seems to be deliberately not letting people get closer to him. Probably, earlier he had an unpleasant situation with people where he was betrayed or framed, which is why he behaves extremely cautiously. He needs a lot of time to trust a person. I also want to note that he is quite talented and capable, he understands a lot of topics and can do a lot of things (if not now, then at least in the past). The acquaintance will take place thanks to some mutual acquaintance of yours and this person will turn to you for advice, since you have been described as a competent person, a good specialist or a person with extensive experience. If you decide to get close to him, then please be careful and attentive! At a minimum, a person is quite sensitive and takes words to heart, it is difficult to communicate with him in this regard, and he can also quarrel with your close friends, which will lead to the termination of communication with friends.
Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3
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List of bsd headcanons
Dazai:
Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it
He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao
He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff
Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.
Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days
Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it
Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general
I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact
He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked
I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)
Aroace spectrum
heavy sleeper. Very
Chuuya
FRECKLES and tan from sheep days
He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact
That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)
Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai
Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown
That man is AUTISTIC
One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me
Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes
A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious
Ranpo
Autism plus adhd ftw
Aroace spectrum
Poe
He/they vibes
Anxiety
Gay af
I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters
Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it
Lucy
Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it
VERY good at baking
But she won't share :(
Atsushi
Anxiety, so much anxiety
Aroace spectrum vibes
Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him
Akutagawa
Aroace spectrum
Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes
Very trans vibes from me
(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)
Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them
Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now
Mori
Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them
He gives great bonuses for birthdays
He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao
Ozaki
Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity
Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen
Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once
"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"
"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."
"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."
"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"
She has perfect vision
Kunikida
Trans vibes. In any and every direction
Adhd af
Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated
You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring
#long post#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd headcanons#bsd dazai osamu#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#chuya nakahara#nakahara chuya#chuuya nakahara#chūya nakahara#kouyou ozaki#ozaki kouyou#mori ougai#ougai mori#edgar allan poe#ranpo edogawa#bsd edogawa rampo#bsd ranpo#atsushi nakajima#nakajima atsushi#ryuunosuke akutagawa#akutagawa ryunosuke#akutagawa ryuunosuke#bsd akutagawa#lucy maud montgomery#aya koda#doppo kunikida#kunikida doppo
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DAY 5496
Jalsa, Mumbai Mar 4/5, 2023 Sat/Sun 8:53 AM
🪔 .. March 05 .. birthday wishes to Ef Satish Kumar Paig from Kochi ..
And the greetings of togetherness to Ef Suresh Jumani and his better half Tanya from Chennai for their 24th wedding anniversary .. 💍💕
..
the wishes do come and go from the family now known often as the Ef ..
And it needs to be told .. not be held ..
In Hyderabad at the shoot for Project K, during an action shot, I have got injured .. rib cartilage popped broke and muscle tear to the right rib cage .. canceled shoot .. did Doctor consult and scan by CT at the AIG Hospital in Hyderabad and flown back home .. strapping has been done and rest been advocated .. yes painful .. on movement and breathing .. will take some weeks they say before some normalisation will occur .. some medication is on also for pain ..
So all work that was to be done has been suspended and canceled dropped postponed for the moment until healing occurs ..
I rest at Jalsa and am mobile a bit for all the essential activities .. but yes in rest and generally lying around ..
It shall be difficult or let me say .. I shall be unable to meet, the well wishers at Jalsa Gate this evening .. so do not come .. and do inform as much as you can to those that intend coming ..
All else is well ..
Getting time to spend time with Babuji and his genius, his mind his words and his immense creativity .. the essence of life resides in his writings .. and such a learning and amazed joy to be in his company ..
There is desire to share .. to share what ever little that I may interpret from his words and his memories of the times spent with him .. to lament the limited .. to be in awe of the vision and the intellect of such a being .. and wonder how ever did one think of all that was written spoken thought by him ..
HOW ..
... and a book of a collection of some of the letters he corresponded with certain individuals finds me leafing through them to meet the mind of Babuji and one such :
Apne vatavaran se koi nirapeksh nahin reh sakta . Har pankaj mein pank ka kuch na kuch ansh rehta hai - pankaj ko keechad lapetne ki zaroorat nahin . Kuch lapet te hain ye aur baat hai . Aap kehte hain videsh mantralay ka vatavaran ya dilli ka vatavaran aapki kavita mein nahin aaya . Itna asamprikt rehna kisi ke liye sambhav nahin . Vo kisis na kisi roop mein aaya hi hoga . aisi sadhana mujhmein aa gai hai ki kamalvatt keechad ke oopar rahoon to meri aplabhdhi bahut choti nahin hai .
You cannot be dispassionate or indifferent to your environment. In every lotus ( Pankaj – the one that blooms in sludge and slime viz. the lotus ) a bit of the sludge always remains – it is not essential for the lotus to wrap itself in sludge . Some do it, but that is a different matter . You say that ‘the atmosphere or the environment of the Foreign Affairs Ministry or that of Delhi has not been reflected in your poetry’ . To be so untouched for anyone is not possible . It does appear in some form or the other . I have now achieved such meditative accomplishment that remaining above the sludge and mud of the lotus is no small cognitive accomplishment for me .
.. you may wonder about the Foreign Ministry .. and Delhi in reference ..
Babuji was the lecturer in the English Department of the prestigious Allahabad University .. he did his PhD in English literature from Cambridge in 1954 .. went in 1952 and within 2 years finished his PhD which normally takes 4 years .. his dissertation was ‘W B Yeats and Occultism’ ..
WB Yeats .. the accomplished and famed Irish poet, who had a passion for the occult, particularly that which emanated from India ..
When Babuji returned after this achievement, a rare PhD, perhaps the very first Indian to have got a PhD from Cambridge in English Literature, he was not given the recognition he so deserved from the University. In fact they actually reduced his salary. This was very upsetting for Babuji and he resigned from Allahabad University, joined the AIR, the All India Radio as a Producer, until eventually he was called by Pt Jawaharlal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of Independent India to the Foreign Ministry, now known as the External Affairs Ministry, then headed by Panditji , to be the OSD, Officer on Special Duty in the Hindi Department, in New Delhi .
Such learnings are indeed most rare .. and to have time now, as always, to be in the midst of all the incredible writings, is a god send .. I am blessed .. and to be able to share some of this with all is a duty ..
I feel your presence at the Jalsa gate .. but shall be unable to show the face ..
Apologies ..
love .. ❤️
Amitabh Bachchan
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New thought about the question of whether the ending montage is a dream or not: it's not a dream in that all those things do happen, but we see it sped up and filtered through different light because we're seeing it through how Ted would want it to be. He has to believe everyone will be okay, and he has to trust that this will be true even without him rushing in to help everyone out, because otherwise sticking to his decision to return to Kansas will feel deeply painful instead of sad but peaceful. All the little projections into the future are things that occur, but the reality of them is so much more than these sunny little blips--they require work, hard conversations, disappointments, clumsiness, leaps of faith. They might not be the right relationships and jobs and decisions forever, but they all feel right in the moment. The people of Richmond are equipped to handle the complexities of that now, and Ted may hear about some or all of these things with the fullness of those complexities, but in this moment of leaving it has to be enough for him to believe in the happy moments.
As an audience, we get to experience the impossibility of seeing a reality Ted isn't physically there for through Ted's eyes.
And because it isn't Ted's story but it also obviously totally is Ted's story, his ending is the only one we experience more-or-less in real time, albeit with a jump from the day of his arrival to his experience coaching Henry's soccer team. The comparative smallness of his world (press conferences and parties at Leslie's house and big group dinners vs. one youth league soccer game) isn't because we're meant to believe his world is small now, or because all the distance from other people he loves has to be forever, but because zooming in on him as an active, present father is his happiest possible ending in this arc. Being with Henry is the happiness equivalent to his dream (or "dream," or manifestation) of the happiness his Richmond community finds with each other. It's sad but happy but sad but happy, how much this one choice to go to Kansas ripples into everything, just as much as Rebecca's choice to bring him to Richmond in the first place.
We have to trust there's more work and growth to be done, more choices and possibilities that will feel like choices and possibilities, but we also have to see enough glimpses of happiness to believe that work is worth it, and that's why the montage starts and ends while he's still on the plane, leaving one home, on the way to another, but currently in neither place.
(And yes, I know that Brendan Hunt's AMA confirmed that the vision was for the montage to comprise actual events, not just a dream. I respect that--and I was actually extremely into his explanation for why Ted isn't at the wedding. I still think there's something to be said for the way Ted jolts awake on the plane, as well as the lighting choices from basically the moment he's on the plane onward.)
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Since I've had quite a bad day today I decided to pauze the writing for Caught somewhere in time for the day and instead work on some Clone / Clone wars headcanons of my own that I'm going to include in the fic. Link now under cut!!
A few things that will be a plot point:
Parentage of Cal Kestis (Like one of them is Obi-Wan, but the other...??? I know, you don't.)
Romance of Cody and Obi-Wan
Sibling relationship between Anakin, Cal, and Ahsoka
Corruption in the senate (Sith Lord and after)
Way to free the clones and end order 66 (chip storyline)
Headcanons:
The Jedi can tell all the clones apart by their presences in the force. It's like a second nature to them. They never mix them up.
Cody likes to knit.
Obi-Wan finds that an absolute delight and happily provides him with the materials and anything else he needs.
Although all the clones can technically count as 'twins' only the ones that shared a gestational pod are considered official twins among the clones. Fives and Echo are among these twins. The prevalence of 'twin births' is about 3%.
Triplets also occur but they are much rarer, there have been three documented cases in the history of the clone troopers. I kinda wanna headcanon that Cody, Fox, and Wolffe are one of these triplets. Out of the three Cody was the smallest at birth. (He caught up later just fine).
Echo has a photographic memory, Fives has a natural gift to spot patterns and connections.
Wolffe seems like a stuck up hardass, but he's an actual softie on the inside and has a knack for sensing when his brothers or others need him the most. His pack is his life.
Fox honors his name by having a very mischievous streak with his brothers. Even if he seems to be a bitch for the rules in every day life, his brothers know him better than that.
Wolffe is excellent at poker.
Fox and Echo battle for the title of Holo-tactic champion.
Waxer is actually fantastic with kids, this stems from his time in training, when he would often visit his little cadet brothers and spend time with them.
Kix is an excellent cook.
Cody can't cook to save his life. Neither can Obi-Wan. Fortunately Obi-Wan knows the right people who can cook.
All the clones are caf drinkers, black, no additives.
Rex carves jewelry like bracelets for everyone, Cody puts trackers in everything Rex carves, or he knits. He'll find a way.
All the clones have unique sleeping positions. It's one of the ways to tell them apart.
Cal and Anakin have a brotherly rivalry, to the point where Cal has actively tried to electrocute Anakin, and Anakin has attempted to force push Cal down a flight of stairs. But if anyone else tries to harm one of them, the other unleashes hellfire upon the assailant.
Cal and Ahsoka quickly become best friends and team up against Anakin whenever the situation allows for it. Obi-Wan actively encourages this, it's hilarious to him.
Among Anakin, Ahsoka, and Cal; Obi-Wan is known as mom. Cody is dubbed 'dad' at some point. The other clones find this hilarious.
While Ahsoka starts as a relatively short teenager, her species tends to grow larger than the average human. So by the time she's an adult, she stands at a respective 200 cm (6'6.7). Anakin hates this in particular, because he was used to being the tallest in the group.
And that's what I got so far. Will probably add more at some point.
#star wars headcanons#the clone wars headcanons#clone headcanons#codywan#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#commander fox#commander wolffe#captain rex#the clone wars#ahsoka tano#cal kestis#anakin skywalker#ben says stuff
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The importance of stupidity in scientific research
I recently saw an old friend for the first time in many years. We had been Ph.D. students at the same time, both studying science, although in different areas. She later dropped out of graduate school, went to Harvard Law School and is now a senior lawyer for a major environmental organization. At some point, the conversation turned to why she had left graduate school. To my utter astonishment, she said it was because it made her feel stupid. After a couple of years of feeling stupid every day, she was ready to do something else.
I had thought of her as one of the brightest people I knew and her subsequent career supports that view. What she said bothered me. I kept thinking about it; sometime the next day, it hit me. Science makes me feel stupid too. It's just that I've gotten used to it. So used to it, in fact, that I actively seek out new opportunities to feel stupid. I wouldn't know what to do without that feeling. I even think it's supposed to be this way. Let me explain.
For almost all of us, one of the reasons that we liked science in high school and college is that we were good at it. That can't be the only reason – fascination with understanding the physical world and an emotional need to discover new things has to enter into it too. But high-school and college science means taking courses, and doing well in courses means getting the right answers on tests. If you know those answers, you do well and get to feel smart.
A Ph.D., in which you have to do a research project, is a whole different thing. For me, it was a daunting task. How could I possibly frame the questions that would lead to significant discoveries; design and interpret an experiment so that the conclusions were absolutely convincing; foresee difficulties and see ways around them, or, failing that, solve them when they occurred? My Ph.D. project was somewhat interdisciplinary and, for a while, whenever I ran into a problem, I pestered the faculty in my department who were experts in the various disciplines that I needed. I remember the day when Henry Taube (who won the Nobel Prize two years later) told me he didn't know how to solve the problem I was having in his area. I was a third-year graduate student and I figured that Taube knew about 1000 times more than I did (conservative estimate). If he didn't have the answer, nobody did.
That's when it hit me: nobody did. That's why it was a research problem. And being my research problem, it was up to me to solve. Once I faced that fact, I solved the problem in a couple of days. (It wasn't really very hard; I just had to try a few things.) The crucial lesson was that the scope of things I didn't know wasn't merely vast; it was, for all practical purposes, infinite. That realization, instead of being discouraging, was liberating. If our ignorance is infinite, the only possible course of action is to muddle through as best we can.
I'd like to suggest that our Ph.D. programs often do students a disservice in two ways. First, I don't think students are made to understand how hard it is to do research. And how very, very hard it is to do important research. It's a lot harder than taking even very demanding courses. What makes it difficult is that research is immersion in the unknown. We just don't know what we're doing. We can't be sure whether we're asking the right question or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result. Admittedly, science is made harder by competition for grants and space in top journals. But apart from all of that, doing significant research is intrinsically hard and changing departmental, institutional or national policies will not succeed in lessening its intrinsic difficulty.
Second, we don't do a good enough job of teaching our students how to be productively stupid – that is, if we don't feel stupid it means we're not really trying. I'm not talking about `relative stupidity', in which the other students in the class actually read the material, think about it and ace the exam, whereas you don't. I'm also not talking about bright people who might be working in areas that don't match their talents. Science involves confronting our `absolute stupidity'. That kind of stupidity is an existential fact, inherent in our efforts to push our way into the unknown. Preliminary and thesis exams have the right idea when the faculty committee pushes until the student starts getting the answers wrong or gives up and says, `I don't know'. The point of the exam isn't to see if the student gets all the answers right. If they do, it's the faculty who failed the exam. The point is to identify the student's weaknesses, partly to see where they need to invest some effort and partly to see whether the student's knowledge fails at a sufficiently high level that they are ready to take on a research project.
Productive stupidity means being ignorant by choice. Focusing on important questions puts us in the awkward position of being ignorant. One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time. No doubt, this can be difficult for students who are accustomed to getting the answers right. No doubt, reasonable levels of confidence and emotional resilience help, but I think scientific education might do more to ease what is a very big transition: from learning what other people once discovered to making your own discoveries. The more comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big discoveries.
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