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bringthekaos · 7 months

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Cuz that’s the thing with Viktor, there’s not much that’s beyond his control these days, and that’s by design (...) you can’t do that forever. It’ll eat you alive.

Jayce learns the hard way when Viktor is about to implode. His movements become more stiff, with random bursts of gear grinding and jolts. The shimmer injectors working iust little more than usua. He goes almost mute, but when he talks the modulator sound even raspier. He doesn't take off the mask.

I was just gunna answer this with some more meta or analysis but you know what… this one deserves a little ficlet. Let’s call it Overheated.

Overheated

Jayce knew something was wrong the moment he stepped foot inside Viktor’s lab. Sure, the air was stifling from the myriad of running machines and clouds of puffy steam… but it was the subtle little in-between things that tipped Jayce off; like a single snagged thread pulling at a compromised seam. It was the why that mattered.

It was stifling and hot because something was throwing off Viktor’s usual protocols. Something was clouding his typically routine-oriented mind, keeping him from noticing the abnormally warm and hazy state of his lab. He was fixated on something, fixated hard enough that the best interest of his gadgets was slipping his mind.

Jayce could hear him before he could see him—loudly tinkering away around the corner in what stood for a measly bedroom. And there was a shortness, a tension to said tinkering that didn’t usually plague Viktor’s work. Usually, he was precise and careful to a fault; his work so clean, well… a machine might as well have done it.

And while Viktor’s moods were wholly different nowadays, given the emotional suppressor, Jayce was beginning to re-learn them. He’d once likened it to putting a diamond under a hydraulic press—it would be tough, it would be fortified. It could withstand more pressure than almost any other substance on the planet. But eventually something would give. And it wouldn’t go quietly, either; no, it would be explosive.

So rather than injecting himself into that maelstrom, Jayce steered clear of his former partner for now and instead went about doing what he knew he could to help—wandering quietly into the workshop proper and flipping the switch to power on Viktor’s air filtration system. If they’d been in Piltover, he could have just popped a few windows open, but down here in Zaun, that would just pollute the air further.

So next he went for the cooling fans over in the corner where Blitzcrank’s charging bay sat empty, and angled them toward Viktor’s bedroom before flipping those on as well. And finally, after listening for a moment and hearing only a loud crash and litany of mumbled bilingual curses, Jayce went for the small kitchen counter, rinsed the sole mug that didn’t have cracks in it, and poured a healthy amount of sweetmilk.

Then it was just a matter of wrangling this particular runaway train. So Jayce steeled himself, clutching the mug close to his chest as he meandered into Viktor’s bedroom.

It was immediately clear where the steam had come from—not the many running machines, though those were noticeably hot even from several feet away—no, it was Viktor himself.

The vents in his neck were set at an extreme angle, letting out puff after puff of heavy, thick steam that occasionally turned black when Viktor released a particularly strained breath. There was loud, chaotic rattling resonating from points of tension all over his mechanical body—his neck, his chest, his left arm and leg. And beneath it all, the subtle little hiss of the Shimmer injectors as they delivered micro doses like clockwork to combat his visibly agitated state.

That was the thing about suppressing his emotions… suppress them long enough, and they’re bound to recoil. It was simple physics—and while Jayce could have mentioned this, could have piped up about I warned you this would happen, that this isn’t healthy, and now look what it’s done to you, that would just be throwing gasoline onto the fire, and that was the last thing Viktor needed. So Jayce went a different route.

He cautiously stepped forward, patting Viktor on the back once to announce his presence before leaning past him and setting the mug down in the only mess-less corner he could find.

“You, uh… you wanna talk about it?” he asked, cringing at the mother-hen inflection.

Viktor did not answer—instead taking a single step to the side and deliberately turning his back on Jayce. The vents in his neck sent out another huff of black, and Jayce took this for what it was; don’t mother me, it’s insulting.

But Jayce wasn’t deterred—after all, why was a little mothering such a bad thing? Some care, some consideration, some warmth and doting? Everyone could use that every once in a while. Yes, even the infallible Machine Herald. Especially the infallible Machine Herald.

“V?” he prodded, his hand hovering at Viktor’s back as he tried to decide if touching was the best idea right now.

“No,” Viktor snapped, and even just from that one word alone, Jayce could hear the stress on the voice modulator—low and raspy, as if he’d recently spent a significant amount of time raising his voice.

“Okay,” Jayce agreed, retracting his hand and taking a step away—just freeing up Viktor’s space so he wouldn’t feel so constricted.

Instead, Jayce peered down at the project Viktor had been angrily funneling his not-very-suppressed emotions into. It appeared to be a modification for Blitzcrank’s revolving gadget arm; replacing several busted or outmoded gadgets and rewiring the entire thing to make switching between options a quicker and more seamless operation.

So without another word, Jayce pulled up a stool, grabbed Viktor’s spare pliers, and went to work—removing and rewiring the attachment ports, thus freeing Viktor up to focus on the gadgets themselves.

And for the longest time, they simply worked—shoulders bumping every so often as they just shared in the silence, in the heady weight of each other’s company. They worked, as they always had, like a well-oiled machine; wordlessly passing tools to each other and reading the other’s needs as if it were their own. And slowly but surely, the rattling within Viktor’s chest began to go quiet, the hissing tempo of his overworking injectors steadily slowed and eventually stopped. And Jayce could hear it more than see it when the tension in those rigid metal shoulders relaxed—a creak and a groan like hot metal plunged into an ice bath.

Finally, after Gods knew how long, Viktor’s movements ceased entirely—his hands stalling where they were turning a bolt on the wrist rotator and a single, long sigh leaving the voice modulator like struck glass.

Jayce mimicked it, stilling his hands and turning his head to peer at the flat, unreadable surface of Viktor’s mask with eyes that hopefully said are you okay now? That’s all I wanted, all that mattered—that you’re okay.

And he wasn’t sure how, but he could just tell Viktor was giving him a withering, grateful grin under that mask.

“Thank you, sluníčko,” he said, voice even and harmonic like morning church bells.

Jayce offered up a proud, toothy smile before leaning in and placing a quick, chaste kiss to the mask, right where Viktor’s lips would be—silently communicating that I know you feel like you have to keep it on sometimes, that you don’t like what you’re feeling, and you don’t want anyone to see that, even me. And that’s ok. Keep it on, if that’s what makes you comfortable. I can love you with it on just the same.

A new series of whirs and clicks went off in Viktor’s neck, followed by a short burst of steam, but this time Jayce knew them to be a good sign—the Machine Herald’s version of a blush.

#arcane #jayvik #jayce talis #machine herald viktor #JayVik fanfiction #ficlet #asks #ace answers

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tomatograter · 3 years

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Thank you so much for all the gender and sexuality meta! As much as this isn't the authorial intent, homestuck is inherently queer to me and I love reading analysis about it!!

Firstly, thanks! Secondly, I may get shit for this but I really don't think we should discount how andrew hussie came out as gender non-conforming, currently uses gender neutral pronouns, and was quite obviously working through some gender exploration through most of their online ouvre. (Which I have read) like ok fine I am the first person to point out how a lot of the old material we work contains elements that are immature, harmful, and at times bearing on genuinely unsettling re; ableism, internet conspiracy shit, racist caricatures, shock-value drivel and the works, and how these are all things that should be adressed with the gravity they deserve lest we side with rightwing cryptofascist chuds, but I would be lying off my fucking face if I didn't say that the reason Homestuck was and still is appealing to me is due to how well it wrote its women. (Many of which are trans coded, too.)

I don't think a lot of people right now realize how a webcomic brewed in 2009 would do extremely well by just putting two cis white dudes with game controllers at front and center and simply sticking to that formula for a hundred pages, and how Vriska was emblematic exactly because she went against everything expected of fem characters, but it was important. It still is important. It has tangibly contributed to the media landscape we exist in today. You think you would get Catra from She-ra if the creator hadn't read homestuck and written for at least one of the homestuck side projects? You think you'd get Undyne from Undertale? Come on. Come oooooooon.

"Playing with gender" is a recurrent theme in Hussie's works. It's in whistles, its in wizardy herbert, it's in problem sleuth (heavily, as it features our first transfem characters and ends with a couple of them driving off into the sunset) it is *undoubtedly* in Homestuck too. Social media's current modern standards for what classifies as "representation" could definitely spend days arguing over the specifics of each scenario here, but the subtext was always there, big and small. It is not for nothing that HS has the most active transgender fan community I've ever been a part of. It's not for nothing that most things I talk about are either textually stated or linked to characters through obscure but real mythology and/or real terminology. June Egbert had a drawn sprite hidden inside an old walkaround game. We didn't put it there! This isn't coming out of thin air. The transgender was coming out from inside the house.

#homestuck #this is also why its a false equivalence to claim what homestuck does is anywhere near what raging transphobe jkrowling does #its nowhere near the same thing

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stellocchia · 3 years

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Okay, holy crap did we get an interesting stream yesterday! Time for an analysis of it!

So, there is a lot of confusion surrounding the stream and, more importantly, c!Wilbur himself. So I wanted to try and interpret this whole thing at the best of my abilities for my own sanity.

Before that though there are a few things we have to keep in mind:

For something to be manipulation there needs to be intent on the side of the manipulator, which can be quite hard to establish in some cases

A lot of c!Wilbur’s confusing thoughts and constantly fluctuating opinions come from a general lack of knowledge, his own faulty worldview and his incredible overestimation of his own impact in the world, which I’ll talk about more later, more so then what actually would appear to be an intentionally manipulative behaviour

One more thing to point out is that Wilbur sees his life as a spectacle. To him reaching his “desired conclusion” the first time was a victory and he seems to have started on a sort of scripted “redemption arc”, and I mean scripted within the narrative not meta wise, (in which he’s trying to drag Tommy into as well) after he had his self-proclaimed “villain arc” in Pogtopia, however this view is faulty at best...

We also have to keep in mind that c!Wilbur is truly a relict from the past at this point. He places an incredible amount of value on “factions” and “leadership” and has a very black and white world view, but things have changed a lot since he was around and they’re much more complicated then that now which leaves him with a complete lack of understanding for the world around him and possibly with no tools to correct that lack of understanding

And for last, let’s keep in mind that Wilbur is an INCREDIBLY UNRELIABLE narrator. We cannot trust everything that comes out of his mouth so let’s not take everything blindly as fact

Also, while all I’ve just said is true Tommy is still 100% entitled to not trust him at all and to not be sympathetic towards him, even without considering this stream (and trust me: I’ll get to that one) because their history together is not great. Keep in mind that they were basically alone during Pogtopia and that Wilbur always sorta grouped himself and Tommy together (as in Wilbur considered BOTH of them to be “the bad guys” and BOTH of them to be bad for the server and better off dead) and he was always extremely manipulative in the ways that he used to try and get Tommy to believe his world view as well (and he seemed to adopt a similar behaviour in the stream, but I’ll get to that one later). Sadly that also means that Tommy isn’t a reliable narrator at all for what concerns Wilbur...

Okay, now with all the introduction out of the way the proper analisys will be under the cut! Be advised that it’ll treat some very heavy topics (like abuse, manipulation etc) so, you know, keep that in mind.

The stream I’ll be using for this one is: Meet the latest resurrected gentleman of L'manburg, though I may take some things from: Wilbur Is Revived.

The stream starts with Tommy and Wilbur meating up on the glass covering the L’Manburg crater. Right after we have a bit of banter with Wilbur openly mocking Ghostbur, ignoring Tommy’s discomfort at the subject, like always. I wanna say it right now that the dismissal of whatever Tommy is feeling and whatever he says that does not align with Wilbur’s idea of Tommy is not something new. It’s a behaviour Wilbur developed all throughout the Pogtopia times. He may look like he listens to Tommy a bit more during this stream, but he never takes into account anything he says and constantly dismisses anything he feels, so we know that’s not true. Of course, Wilbur is not the only person who exibited this behaviour (Tommy often gets dismissed when he speaks and if re-watching exile taught me anything is that Dream was also very keen on dismissing all of his emotions).

Also one of the first things Wilbur asks about is his Chekhov's gun, which Tommy moves on from quickly without answering (propably because it got destroyed by Dream while Tommy had it).

“Hey pu- Hey! Put Friend down!” “Wh-why? He’s gonna come with us!” “I don’t want you... no he could die!” “And? It’s a sheep Tommy, who cares about-” “Calm down man! I know- I know that you have the power of eternity over him, but just put him down!” “No! I’m just saying: who cares about a sheep man? It’s just a sheep. Just come...” “Oh I fucking...” “What?! It’s just a sheep my man!”

Once again dismissal of Tommy’s emotions, but also an introduction to the theme of attachments that seems like will be important once again. This time the conflict that’s introduced surrounding attachments is not about their intrinsic value (like it was in season 2) but it seems to be that of attachments vs ideals. In this case what we’re presented with is seemingly a detachment from Wilbur (though we can’t say if it’s volountary, like in Dream’s case, or just an effect of his depression yet).

“Tommy... I’m sorry” “Wait what are you- are you gonna kill me?” “No no sorry” “You’re gonna wack me?” “Ignore the Lore Sword, I’m- I don’t- I’m not good at this man. I need to make some apologies. I told you I needed to have a think and I don’t think an apology would ever sum up... uh... what I did here. I mean look at this mess!” *looking at the crater of L’Manburg* “You did this! Well, not all of it, you did a little bit” “Yeah... I didn’t do the glass. But like I think- I think that I do need to, I need to apologize to some people! You know, I’m gonna- I’m gonna make amends!”

Okay, there are a lot of things to unpack here:

1) Tommy’s immediate reaction to Wilbur apparently softening up while holding a sword is to expect to be hit, probably because of residual trauma from exile where Dream would act in a similar manner

2) Wilbur seems to recognise that he needs to apologize to people, but he doesn’t actually seem to regret anything or doesn’t understand WHAT he needs to apologize for (which is the reason why he only apologizes to people he hasn’t hurt, didn’t know or doesn’t particularly care about). He doesn’t apologize to Tommy for example, his “I’m sorry” at the beginning isn’t directed at Tommy as much as it’s a general statement (this could have something to do with him lumping himself and Tommy together as the bad guys of course). Also, remember that idea about Wilbur seeing his life as a show? Well, he did the villain arc so the only 2 possible ways to go after that are a repeat or a redemtion arc... this is him starting in on the second, while not actually believing in it

3) We already see Wilbur giving himself more importance then he actually did have. Tommy explains that he’s only resposible for a small part of the crater, but Wilbur doesn’t know that Techno, Phil and Dream did exactly what he did but bigger later on and assumes that all of it was done by him (probably making him think that he’s had a decidedly bigger impact then he actually did)

“Well I’m in my forties now Tommy, I counted the years man... how old are you now? You must be what, like, 20? 30?” (Wilbur does not seem to be aware of the time dilatation that occurs in Limbo)

It’s also interesting that Wilbur asks Tommy of all people to give him a tour. I mean, the two were close before and Tommy is the only one who stayed by his side through everything, but Tommy already expressed multiple times a dislike for Wilbur even directly stating to his face in the revival stream that Wilbur should have stayed dead. My best guess is that what brought him to ask Tommy specifically despite that was a mix of being still in a similar mindset to Pogtopia where it was the two of them vs everyone else, Wilbur’s paranoia not having disappeared meaning he doesn’t trust anyone else and a sort of dependency Wilbur has developed on Tommy to avoid loneliness.

“No no! Will, you didn’t get a grave. This is just what you left behind” (destruction and a betrayal of trust are the only remains of who Wilbur used to be it seems)

“Here’s the thing Tommy: I know I was bad and I know I can- I know I can redeem myself but you know there’s- there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, I mean, we’ve spoken about this” (callback to “let’s be the bad guys” and further confirmation that Wilbur isn’t truly interested in redemption as he still sees himself in the role of the villain)

The first person that Wilbur apologizes to is Skeppy who fits the category of “person he more or less knew, but never actually wronged”, meaning that one is a useless apology (and Wilbur seems to recognize that when he asks Skeppy to say one thing he did to him). (Also rip Friend Skeppy doesn’t deserve rights anymore).

“He was Ghostbur’s man! And I wish you’d stop disrespecting him” (technically about Friend but more broadly about Ghostbur as well)

“You see I’ve always seen myself as a bit of an iconoclast so I don’t think I’ll be getting involved in the whoel deity section” (Wilbur is canonically an atheist)

The second person Wilbur apologizes to is Jack Manifold, which is also when Wilbur starts excluding Tommy any time there is someone else there as well. Jack honestly fits in the category of people “Wilbur knew but didn’t really care about”, which is why his apology ends up being quite generic and not very accurate to the historical happenings. He apologized for leaving him behind when he got exiled but, once again, that never actually happened. Jack stayed back of his own volition there. He apologized for not granting Manifold Land independence, which would have been up to Dream. He apologizes for leading him into war which he simply never did, because Jack joined after. All this apologies are what Jack wants to hear, but none of them are true to what happened.

Either way, Tommy brings Wilbur to the roof of the hotel and they have quite the important conversation there. Tommy tries to tell Wilbur about when he decided to go see Dream for the last time, but Wilbur entirely dismisses him.

“I know you’ve had your little strife man” “But I died!” “But I don’t- I don’t care” (full dismissal)

They then end up talking about exile (Wilbur specifically is the one to bring it up).

“Tommy, I’ll tell you what, if I was there and it wasn’t that stupid shell of a ghost instead of me I would have struck down Dream right where he stood. We would have disemboweled him. We would have disemboweled him” “You would have killed Dream?” “Together” “Well Tubbo is the one who sent me off... You would have killed Dream?” “Tommy- Tommy! I wasn’t blind, I saw what he was doing to you Tommy... I saw. I saw what he was doing to Tubbo” “I don’t like thinking about it” “I saw what he did to me”

So talks about Tommy’s exile are always something... Tommy still shows clear hesitance in blaming Dream even after all this time and even more hesitance at the idea of someone killing Dream at the time (probably because he still subconciously bleieves that he was his only friend back then).

Then there is Wilbur who has admitted to know about Dream’s abuse of Tommy and his manipulation of Tubbo and himself (though to which extent for any of these is unclear) and he seems of the idea that: 1) if he was alive he would have been allowed to go with Tommy, which he wouldn’t have and 2) that if he was there they’d have killed Dream. Though he changes his narrative on the second point right after it’s intersting that he thinks he would have been allowed with Tommy because if he was as aware of the situation as he seems to think he is he’d know that Dream “exiled” Tommy specifically to have him alone and vulnerable where he could mold him as he pleased. It wasn’t a political stance like their previous exile, it was a glorified kidnapping.

“After seeing Ghostbur interact with Dream I realized that, no, Dream is not the enemy, Dream is not the enemy” “He-” “This world was not supposed to be inhabited by people of this caliber. Dream is the hero! Dream needs to be let out of here. Dream’s not in prison because he’s a horrible person, Dream’s in there because he dared to try and stop you all. He dared to try and stop you all from gaining all this power because the minute I was gone there was a vacuum, there was opening and everyone just slicked to get in there and Dream was the only one who stood up to them and told them not to. Dream is the one that held my seat for me”

Again, a few things to unpack here:

1) Wilbur somehow fails to see the contraddiction in his own reasoning. “I know Dream abused you, but he is not being imprison because he is a bad person, he was only doing what is necessary” was what his speach boiled down to which is just bullshit plain and simple. But why does Wilbur get to this conclusion? Well because he has faulty information at best to fill in the blanks from the time he was dead and he has a very simplistic worldview where everything must fit neatly into a small little narrative and where people are either “villains” or “heroes” and since Wilbur thinks of himself as a villain and thinks he corrupted anything he came in contact with it makes sense that he would see Dream, someone who opposed everything and everyone previously associated with Wilbur, as the “hero”.

2) We have Wilbur, once again, giving himself more importance then he did have. Wilbur didn’t leave a power vacuum, L’Manburg was rebuilt pretty quickly and all Wilbur left behind was a bit more trauma and, even then, people have done worse since. Wilbur was, in fact, pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Once his story was over people moved on one way or the other and Wilbur simply cannot accept that because he sees himself as a protagonist, but he simply wasn’t around for a long time.

(Also I really wanna punch him in the face for this one because f*ck him for calling Tommy’s abuser a “hero” to his face, that’s a HUGE d*ck move)

“If Dream died instead of me, I would be in there right now” (again, fundamental misunderstanding of why Dream’s in prison in the first place)

“I didn’t actually really care about L’Manburg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually I cared about L’Manburg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man! You ever sticked it to the man Tommy?” “That’s not true” “L’Manburg was a tool, it was a great tool, it worked! You know? It divided so many people man”

Listen, we can debate all day wether Wilbur actually cared about L’Manburg beyond seeing as a tool to achieve his ends or not, but that’s not really important. The important thing to take away from this is that Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Fundy, Eret and Quackity believed in L’Manburg. They believed in it enough to fight for it. Others as well. So whatever the answer to “did Wilbur care?” is, their experiences are not invalidated because of it. The other thing is that the whole conversation about L’Manburg fully establishes the theme of ideals vs attachment that may be explored more in the future.

“I’m sorry for a lot of things but, Tommy that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try again” (and here it is. Wilbur shows Tommy the most awful side of him that hasn’t changed all the while pretending to be a completely new man in front of others so they won’t believe Tommy if he tells them. This one is full on manipulation)

“I did care about L’Manburg. I did, I did, but if L’Manburg- a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, L’Manburg would have still been as loved by me if it was called Bim Bum and it was in the middle of the desert” (once again reiterating that it wasn’t about material attchment, but more so about the purpouse of L’Manburg)

“Stick it to the man Tommy! High five” “No! You just said that you loved 'The Man'” (Tommy pointing out the contraddioctions in Wilbur’s reasoning)

“It was like we were a family, you can’t just say that!” “We were a family Tommy. We were. And you know what I guess you just didn’t- I guess you just didn’t have the balls to follow along with me. When I pressed the button you were always against it-” “You blew up our fucking home!” “We’re leaving it behind Tommy, it’s in the past. We’re friends now, we’re friends”

So, two things here: Wilbur seems to resent Tommy partially for not enabling his destructive tendencies seeing Tommy opposing him destroying L’Manburg as him leaving Wilbur behind. And also Wilbur is, once again, dismissing Tommy’s rightful anger, this time in a way that is very reminiscent of Dream (reinforcing the idea of them being “friends” despite having done something that hurt Tommy a lot).

“You’re following me for quite a while for someone who doesn’t care” “*deep sigh* Where are we going next?” (while Tommy is aware that being with Wilbur is not good for him he also seems to not want to leave him either)

“You know I often give him a lot of shit and pretend I don’t like him, because he has a peculiar relationship with Tubbo, but he is a very good man and I stuck up for him because I see potential in him, alright?” “Yeah? What is he, a strong fighter?” “Yeah, well he is- he is a very strong fighter, he stuck by my side, he visited me in exile, he is a good man and he’s helped me”

It’s interesting to see how their opinions diverge. To Wilbur “strenght” is physical strenght and strong ideals. He respects Tommy to a degree because Tommy is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in for example. For Tommy “strenght” is compassion and loyalty. Tommy considers Ranboo strong because he has the strenght to remain kind in a world like theirs where kindness usually doesn’t take you far. And this is the main reason why Wilbur and Ranboo clash, why they are narrative foils: because Ranboo is extremely well loved and secured himself a relatively peaceful life by going against everything that Wilbur believes in. Ranboo is respected and loved where someone like Dream who, to Wilbur, embodies the ideal of strenght is widely hated and he doesn’t understand why because he’s missing so much information.

Third and final person Wilbur apologizes to is Ranboo who falls into the category of “Wilbur didn’t know him”, meaning the apology is, once again, just performative so that Wilbur can move along his perceived “redemtion arc”. During the whole chat with Ranboo Wilbur, once again, mostly pushes Tommy’s presence to the side in favour of the new person, though Ranboo does actually notice Tommy’s constant worry and tension and reassures him multiple times that everything’s fine.

“Everyone I seem to meet seems to have this deep intrinsic feeling of disgust towards me” (no one actually does, this is just Wilbur’s self deprecation talking. Like, Tommy is the only one who has expressed anger towards him so far and he’s still sticking to Wilbur and trying to talk to him)

“Tommy is very suspicious of me because of who I WAS” (this is, once again, manipulation. Trivializing Tommy’s fear and suspicions in front of others while reinforcing them when they’re alone is a way to isolate him from an eventual support system)

“It was big, it was big effects though right? I mean... let’s be honest here” (Wilbur once again overestimating his impact. He did have a lasting effect on people, but nowhere near as he seems to think)

“Tommy I don’t know who you’re tryng to protect here, me or Ranboo” “Ranboo” (yes yes, Allium Duo moment, but also Wilbur seems sort of jealous of the relationship Ranboo and Tommy have and how obvious it is where Tommy’s loyalty lies now)

“You get into people’s heads Wilbur, alright? You’re like a little caterpillar, you go in through their ear, then you hatch a butterfly, before you know it your brain is all colors and flying...” (Tommy lacking proper terminology to describe Wilbur’s manipulation, but still doing a wonderful job at it)

Wilbur spends quite a while interrogating Ranboo on his beliefs and getting progressively more confused about why people (and Tommy especially as he specifies later) love him so much as Ranboo explains his “pick people not sides” philosophy. He seems particularly annoyed by Ranboo soley defining Dream as “bad”, possibly because in the world view he crafted for himself everyone is so extremely divided and he can’t imagine the existence of someone who tries to actively defy that by trying to side with everyone who hasn’t directly harmed his loved ones or himself. At first Wilbur thinks Ranboo must have some ulterior motive for being kind to everyone and is even more shocked at finding out that that’s not the case.

“There’s been more wars while I’ve been dead then when I was alive Ranboo, that’s- that’s a-” “There’s actually been only one and ever since you died and Dream’s been put in prison the server’s actually been peaceful” “So you’re saying that you don’t like me? In the same way you don’t like Dream you’re against me then?” “I- no! No no no, I don’t not like you Wilbur, I don’t like the person that you were. I’m willing- I’m willing to like you now, if you’ve changed”

And here we have Ranboo standing against Wilbur quite directly. Wilbur seems convinced that, because Ranboo doesn’t dislike most people he stands for nothing which, admittedly, Ranboo is quite hypocritical and weak willed, but he is showing the sort of strenght Tommy admires him for here. Ranboo dislikes who Wilbur used to be because he hurt his family, but he is willing to give him a second chance, which is more then even Wilbur ever did for himself. Also, to be fair, once Dream was locked up the server did become more peaceful and there were less wars. Ranboo was right when pointing that one out and the fact that Wilbur doesn’t seem to know it points to his lack of knowledge that he doesn’t seem willing to fix.

It’s also interesting that Wilbur seems to conclude all this meetings in a hurry by asking Tommy to go on with the tour and basically pulling him along... even if it’s pretty clear by now that Tommy isn’t really needed there. Wilbur remembers how to navigate the server without Tommy thanks to Ghostbur’s memories and he ignores Tommy’s presence whenever someone else is near. The only reason why he is pulling him along is because he can and because he uses him to vent and say all the things he lies to others about... so much for his “no lying” oath...

“He’s a follower Tommy! You’re not a follower man! You stand up for yourself, you fight for what you believe in” (reiteration of Wilbur’s idea of strenght which alsoseems connected to worth for him. For him being a “follower” is inherently negative)

“Tommy he felt like the polar opposite of me” (in case we needed more reasons to consider them foils)

Wilbur and Tommy have a fight right after because Tommy’s upset at Wilbur being an ass to Ranboo and completely ignoring him and about his presence just in general. Wilbur is the one insisting for the fight to be physical in a scene that mirrors the Pogtopia pit scene quite a lot while Tommy would have been contented (and would have actually preferred) with Wilbur admitting to his faults. But so far Wilbur hasn’t apologized for his more grave faults even once and he has yet to apologize to Tommy for anything at all and I honestly doubt he intends to at the moment or that he even feel remorseful for anything... they fight and Tommy wins and takes Wilbur’s sword to avoid a repeat of the situation.

“Look at me. No matter what happens, no matter what goes down, today, tomorrow, next week, the week after, the week after next, the fact that I’m alive means that anything that happens along this line I’ve won. I’ve already won. I won when I pressed that button. You can spar me however many times you want for your own personal victories, but, in the grand scheme of things, I’ve already won. And I think, from your silence, you know that”

This brings us back to Wilbur seeing his life as a show and himself as both the protagonist of the story and the villain. The button scene was the ending of his story and he managed to complete it with what he considers his own victory. Of course it’s also a way to put down Tommy in a similar way to how the “you’re never gonna be president” speach worked. Tommy didn’t want to spar with Wilbur in the first place, but he did win. Tommy didn’t want to be president either because, despite Wilbur being convinced that he has his same idea of power, Tommy is quite content to live a simple life with none of the responsabilities that come from having power. In both cases though, Wilbur takes the chance to use the aspiration of the image of Tommy he’s painted in his mind against the real one, by saying thet it’ll be impossible for him to accomplish what he thinks he wants. Doesn’t work anymore though, Tommy immediately called him out on his bullshit even if he was ignored again. Also what’s with Wilbur and constantly asking Tommy to look at him? Is he afraid to disappear if Tommy’s not looking or something?

“You just stick with me man, stick with me. Stick with the winning side. Stick with the side that stands for something, stick with the side that believes in something” (it’s also interesting to note that Wilbur seems to constantly see his life as a conflict adn, right now, he appears to think that it’s him and Tommy vs the world, similarly to how Dream started thinking in prison)

“I thought he had infinite canon lives” (Wilbur seems to have held at least some of Ghostburs naivete it seems)

“Honestly I wasn’t expecting you to have your shit together like this man, I thought you just came on to kill me” (once again Wilbur thinking he’s the center of the world apparently)

“Thank you for that [killing him] by the way. No no seriously, thank you for that! Because if you hadn’t done that I’d ended up living- I would have been exiled with Tommyinnit and then I would have gotten angry at Dream because Dream can’t go around hurting Tommy like that. I would’ve been angry at Dream. I would have tried to fight Dream, which now I see would’ve been a silly move because Dream’s my hero! Dream’s amazing! So I would’ve ended up fighting Dream and then I would’ve been the one in prison and not Dream”

I was kinda surprised that he said all of this to Phil, but I guess he may remember Phil siding with Dream for Doomsday perhaps, so he thinks he can get understanding on all the Dream stuff. He also prefaced this by bringing up something that Phil still feels immensely guilty about meaning he was more prone to listen. Also, again he seems to have a fundamental misunderstanding of what exile was about or why Dream is in prison in the first place but, aside from that, his opinion on Dream just seems to genuinely fluctuate between despising him for hurting Tommy and considering him a hero because he brought him back to life and because he covers the role of the misunderstood underdog who’s trying to do what’s right in the version of the story that he created in his mind.

“Well yes, but I wouldn’t have stood for Dream’s shit while Tubbo, well Tubbo did stand for it” (see what I mean? Fluctuating opinions. Pretty sure not even he himself is entirely sure of what he feels or think in this regard)

“Oh, Will?” “Yeah?” “I forgot to mention by the way. I, at one point, griefed George’s house with Ranboo and that caused to a chian of events that lead- that- that was kind of why I got exiled more so...” “Okay and Ranboo managed to not get exiled with you?” “Oh no, it was just me” “That’s pretty uh-” “But I stood up for Ranboo. I made sure he didn’t because he was so new and he was, you know, he was-” “Ah, so you got thrown under the bus. Did he not stand up for you? Did he not offer to go with you?” “No he did stand up for me but to, like, to an extent because he didn’t wanna get exiled and that’s fair” “okay... I’m Sure I’ll Get On With Him!”

Wilbur’s obvious distaste for Ranboo shining through again. Also he was pocking in the right direction, but, sadly, Tommy is not the right person to ask this questions to because he fully believes that he deserved what happened to him still, so he won’t be able to explain that the reson why Ranboo wasn’t exiled was because Dream didn’t care about him and the exile was just about gettng him alone. I don’t think anyone aside from Dream has clocked that in quite yet as a matter of fact. Also this conversation has just proven further to Wilbur that Ranboo is the pushover he though he was after all.

After that Wilbur explains to Phil that the reason he lied was because he didn’t want to let him down. He also tries to convince Phil that he doesn’t lie anymore and that he didn’t lie much in the first place, only to address Tommy and go:

“Old Wilbur did a lot of lying Tommy, old Wilbur did a lot of lying”

“Wait did you say there was a counselor on this server that we could talk to?” (Tommy yet again being the only f*cker in the server that genuinely wants to go to therapy)

Also Phil trusts people way too easily. He just confronted Wilbur about lying in his letters for a long time only to turn around and immediately trust him that he is a changed man, even after Wilbur said straight to his face that Dream is his hero. Like... he is supposed to have lived a long ass time, how did he stay this naive?

Will also mentions that he has plans and intends to have both Phil and Tommy in on them as soon as they’re ready. He also proceeds to make it sound like the only reason why Tommy is upset with him and doesn’t trust him is because he was a bit mean to Ranboo which is him, once again, trivializing Tommy’s fears in front of others so that they are less likely to take him seriously in the future. He then asks for a bed and shower which Phil provides. One other thing to note is that Wilbur seems extremely reluctant any time that it comes to going underground, probably due to trauma from living in a ravine in Pogtopia.

“Do you trust me? Do you believe that I’m turning a new leaf Tommy?” (this is not the first time this stream that Wilbur seems to seek out Tommy’s approval and it’s interesting that he doesn’t seem to do it with anyone else)

Once again Wilbur interrupts the visit in a hurry as soon as Tommy tries to explain his side of the story to Phil telling Tommy repedly to go with him. This really seems to be a pattern since it happened every single time, and I’m guessing that the reason is that, once he has given his pieace, leaving Tommy to speak may be detrimental to the manipulation in the long run.

“Be nice Tommy, okay? Be nice” “Phil, you murdered him” (Lmao)

“Tommy you’re missing the sunrise! You’re missing the sunrise” (for the sun as a symbol enthusiasts)

The two of them then have a very weird argument about stone that it’s literally just textbook manipulation in action right there. At first Wilbur asks for stone then, after Tommy complains a bit, he concedes and switches to cobblestone just to then comment on the fact that stone looks better, but he’s graciously letting Tommy having a say in it. He then expresses that his request is for Tommy to get “all the stone” but making sure that he doesn’t believe that Tommy will be able to do that. Multiple times in fact. He then tells him to get it with Phil because Phil would be able to do so, unlike him. And all of this is just to split up from him in a way that’ll have Tommy still be too busy to explain to anyone about Wilbur.

“He’s a good kid, he’s a good kid. I’ll be back on the saddle soon... I mean it’s only a matter of times I’ve done it once I’ll do it again” (I do think that Wilbur does care for Tommy a bit, I’m fairly sure about that, but their relationship really sin’t healthy. Also we’re back with Wilbur immediately assuming the role of “protagonist” in his “story” once more)

“Why does everyone like that Ranboo guy? I don’t understand...” (once again, incapacity to understand someone who is so diametrically opposed to him)

“I’m done apologizing” (he didn’t even start. Not in a way that mattered and not to the people who needed it most)

“I don’t know how I was revived” (Wilbur canonically does not know about the revive book)

Wilbur’s stream ends with him checking out Quackity’s book and Wilbur making a whole speach confirming that his idea of power is tied to physical strenght and feeling self assured in the fact that he was “right all along”. Tommy’s stream however was not over yet.

“I don’t want to try and save the server, I don’t have that in me”

“We need to get the stone... and then we need to stop Will and he hopefully won’t destroy the server” (Tommy being dragged back in the role of the hero kicking and screaming)

“When we did L’Manburg I was a strong guy, a character that could go around and now it feels different. I feel thinner. I feel... don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice” (once more he lacks the proper words to describe trauma, but he still does a great job of it. He also feels once again like this role was put on him and he has no choice but to oblige)

Tommy later talks about how he won't let anyone put him "through that shit" (manipulation) but that he’ll still get the stone because it would be nice to have Wiilbur be impressed with him. Which is just a great way to let us know that Wilbur's tactic has indeed worked.

And this is pretty much it!

#tommyinnit #wilbur soot #ranboo #dream smp #tw manipulation #tw abuse mention #character analysis #relationship analysis #long post #my post #pretty sure that this is the longest post I've ever written...#the whole thing was just so utterly confusing #this did clear up my thought though so that's nice!#also shoutout to wilbur dying inside at tommy's tinder joke and visibly having to force himself to stay in character for it

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

Text

All right - I’m serious, I don’t fucking know what to say. There is so much analysis to be done and I’ve got FEELS and my brain short-circuited. But, some reactions under the cut. Spoilers, obviously.

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

*flailing*

Well my first reaction is that -

Okay. There was some cringe - mostly stuff that we already saw in the trailers. (Loki doesn’t say “crap,” btw. I think he says “bunk.” Which, okay.) I’m just kinda ignoring it.

There were some genuinely funny lines and moments. Toward the latter half of the episode, there was a more subtle balance between serious and humorous and it flowed together well.

Re: Loki’s powers - I actually really like how they handled it here. The narrative made fun of him when he tried to use his powers, but idk, I didn’t find anything wrong with it. It was amusing and the joke was not “har har Loki is weakling,” it was “har har Loki thinks he can use his powers here,” which was more funny and ic for me. Also, Loki slamming his fists down and saying DAMN IT WHY WON’T IT WORK sent me.

That said, they did a good job showing that even a “declawed” Loki, powers-wise, was still formidable in the sense that he fell back on his wits and gave them a run for their money. Plus him getting one over on Jailer Time Lady was *chef’s kiss*

I’m intrigued by the storyline and general plot.

Okay, what broke my brain (and my heart) was everything between Loki and Mobius. Mobius kept dragging Loki in all the most hurtful ways we’ve all meta’ed about endlessly, and I couldn’t figure out if he was trying to goad Loki or if he actually believed what he was saying. Idk, I can’t get a firm read on Mobius at this point, although I kinda hate him a little. He preyed on all of Loki’s most vulnerable doubts and insecurities - rude.

Most importantly -

LOKI CRYING. Loki cried a lot. My emotional whumpy needs were met. Mobius fucking showed him Frigga’s death, and then Loki watched his own death (which they showed somewhat graphically but I really liked how we got to see Loki’s reaction as the snap of his neck occurred off-screen, like, well done and also fuck my life), and the way he stood there, laughing and crying as the realization of his wasted life - and how it ends - sunk in was just, god, my heart.

Mobius’s interrogation revolving around forcing Loki to admit whether or not he likes hurting people and causing death and destruction was good. I also liked how, when Loki was threatening Casey, you could tell that he didn’t intend to kill Casey at all but it wasn’t done in a mocking, like, “pfft okay Loki” way, it was more like a “okay, we all know you have no intention of actually gutting Casey like a fish bc you clearly don’t enjoy hurting people and we’re establishing that right off the bat” and, yknow, that works for me.

I’m probably forgetting things. I will have to rewatch and analyze much more closely. I anticipate many metas (sorry in advance). But, I mean, my overall reaction? There wasn’t really anything that I disliked enough to make an impression. Just the cringey humor parts and the times where Loki’s reactions felt exaggerated but, I mean, it was easy enough to overlook. I certainly didn’t get the impression that Loki was being portrayed as “clownish” or too zany, despite the trailers. Loki had a ton of really good lines; I feel like we got a solid glimpse into what’s going on in Loki’s head but there’s obviously so much more going on beneath the surface.

And also, Loki’s mannerisms deserve mentioning! Nothing special but just, he had so many facial expressions and gestures and things that, thus far, have only existed in my imagination when reading/writing fic. He pushed his hands through his hair at one point, even. I realize I’m probably the only one lame enough to care about things like that, but I just loved watching the way Loki spoke and moved and reacted. It all felt very natural.

ALSO. LOKI BEING D.B. COOPER BC HE LOST A BET TO THOR. LMAO. I CANNOT.

... Imma just leave it there for now. I give this episode, upon first viewing and first reactions, a B-. More meta to follow, etc.

#loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #loki pokey artichokey #loki series: just drink what's in the glass

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bleulone · 3 years

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i love your analysis so much! i have a question as well, like, how do you envision polin's sex scenes ? thanks for your answer (:

Hey! Thank you very much :)) I have no idea if they are that even good but I’m happy you like them. It’s just my brain tending to produce some iNsIGhiTfUL analyses though they usually end up drowned under a huge wave of stupidity and horrid spelling/grammatical mistakes XD. So, about Penelope and Colin’ sex scenes, I guess we’re getting spicy in this house 🌶. I mean, I don’t blame you. Who’s not hot for Polin ?! The steamy Polin hours have already begun and they’re legit challenging my patience. (Be still my Polin heart, be still).

Okay, without further ado, let’s talk about sex baby, shall we ? It’s a pretty long answer/meta so bear with me.

I don’t know if you’ve read Romancing Mister Bridgerton, but a quick reminder (for those who haven’t... yet), there are a bunch of iconic steamy scenes that I’m dying to watch on screen. First we have the famous “thank you” scene where Penelope, now a 28 year-old spinster, asks Colin to kiss her because she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed... then ends up thanking him— which happens to be humiliating for our 33 year-old boy because he thinks that she thinks he did it out of pity while he absolutely did not. The man definitely felt butterflies in his stomach... and in other places as well lol. We also have the ICONIC carriage scene where Colin gives Pen’s generous bosoms™ the attention they deserve. This is followed by his proposal. Later on, after the announcement of their engagement, there’s a pretty hot make-out scene on Lady Violet’s sofa. Finally, we have their first time in Colin’s bedroom, after sneaking out of their own engagement party... which leads Colin to push the wedding date forward. At this point, I just love their horniness, especially Colin’s who’s just so freaking amazed by Penelope for more than 300 pages straight (duh! who isn’t ???).

When you say envision, I suppose you mainly refer to the way those scenes will be filmed right ? I’m afraid I don’t have an advanced knowledge in film-making but let me start by telling you what elements need to be depicted. I would love Shonda and Chris to capture the real essence of our boos’ feelings : the yearning, the love, the respect and the guilt (specifically on Colin’s side) in their eyes. The more we move forward throughout the seasons, the more we see different layers of the perceptions of they have of each other, going from a childish idealization/immature ignorance to a sudden realization. A mature one. Penelope goes beyond the facade of the charming devil-may-care guy to meet the seriousness and temper of her significant other. Meanwhile Colin discovers how confident, powerful and attractive this woman is and always has been. It echoes what I’ve written about the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story in this meta. By the time season 4 hits, man... their heart eyes and eye-fucking will jump OUT XD, all fibers of their beings, burning with need. The fact that this evolution took literally years is very emotionally painful, which is why I find it important to keep the slowness aspect of their relationship before and during their love making. I’m really looking forward a slow build-up toward their intimacy. It would differ from Daphne and Simon who merely shared one hell of a kiss in Lady Trowbridge’s garden then shared their sexy times after they married or Anthony and Siena’s rough sex... In fact, there’s a certain (sweet) ardent tenderness in Polin I like due to the fact that they’re slowly (re)discovering each other, as adults. Since they were both introduced in season 1, the audience will have all the time in the world to notice numerous evidences of the many natures of love they have for one another : from an affectionate and friendly love to a more carnal and enduring one.

Okay so, in terms of filming, with Netflix’s Bridgerton being a show which promotes the female gaze, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise watching those sex scenes being shot from Penelope’s perspective, like it was the case with Daphne in the first installment of the series. Most of the time, sex scenes in Historical Romance are not gratuitous. Their presence serve an important purpose in a hero/heroine’s journey. In Penelope’s case, they’re here to help her learn to embrace and love herself. In other words, sexuality is synonym of freedom. I don’t know if they’ll show a lot of skin, but I won’t be complaining considering the fact that we’ll have the chance to get a chief kiss treat on screen : a plus size woman in a major successful Netflix period drama getting a love story as romantic and steamy as other more “fit” female characters. No, your weight doesn’t prevent you from being desirable at all. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t watched a plus-size female character portrayed as an attractive protagonist in a period drama (please if you have, let me know, I can be wrong). Having a beautiful half bare curvy body like Nicola’s being equally filmed like numerous slim actresses will be so inspiring and powerful to watch, especially for (young) women who struggle, like Penelope, to love their body shape which, to them, doesn’t “fit” the “beauty standards”. By showing her female gaze and portraying her as seductive, Pen’s “supposed” imperfections transform themselves into mighty assets, loved and worshipped by our dashing Mister Bridgerton. That’s body positivity at its finest darling ;).

It will be deliciously erotic watching the undressing process being exquisitely slow, garment by garment, while their gaze are all heated and hungry. Their sex/make-out scenes should be tender and passionate, sweet and raw. The lightning, colored by a dark blood orange yellow or a blue depending the locations^^. Moreover, the depiction of the exploration of Penelope’s desire can translate itself thanks to multiple close ups. For instance, I can imagine a few ones on Pen’s fingers gently roaming over the smooth skin of Colin’s firm chest and back/touching his hair right after he removed his shirt. And a disheveled Colin letting his hands and lips making a journey of their own, mapping, conquering the alluring unknown territory that is her gorgeous voluptuous body... kissing her on the places he knows oh too well will give her pleasure (is this me wanting him to go down on her?— um yeah I sure hope it IS! If he doesn’t, trust me imma riot... AGAIN). Even a close up on her face while Colin is performing his addictively pleasing torment will be a marvelous proof of the female gaze. By the way, why not even adding a post-coital scene after their first time ? I can picture Penelope waking up first and contemplate her handsome soon-to-be husband. She’d bring her hand to his face and let it travel all around his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck and let it rest on his heart— making sure that what she’s just experience was real... obviously, Colin will wake up in the process and he’ll take this as his cue to go for another round of sexy times under the sheets.

Showing Pen reaction is essential according to me because she was stuck with the idea that she would never experience the luxury of being loved, giving pleasure nor receiving it... she ended up being happily wrong. Throughout her multiple intimate encounters with Colin, I want her to progressively realizes that she can be an active partner. In the carriage, she knew she had an effect on him, but it’s not until their first time that she actually realizes it. Hence the reason why I WANT the mirror’s introduction in one of their sex scenes. Here’s as a little reminder an excerpt from chapter 18 :

“I want to see you sitting up," he groaned, "so I can see them full and lovely and large [about Pen’s breasts]. And then I want to crawl behind you and cup you." His lips found her ear and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I want to do it in front of a mirror."

“Now?” she squeaked.

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. "Later," he said, and then repeated it in a rather resolute tone. "Later.”

It would be such a shame if the show doesn’t use the incredible potential of this object (/kink). I mean, the symbolism is pretty clear. Penelope has always fled her “ugly” reflection but it seems like Colin wants to show the real her, the beauty that holds every single inch her alabaster skin and the effects they have on him. Thus, I would love to watch a scene where Colin just praises the alluring goddess and siren that is Penelope Featherington. Just imagine! Just IMAGINE the power of this scene : a shirtless Colin sitting behind her on a bed, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his lips touching her right ear, biting and licking the lobe sometimes, whispering all kinda of dirty yet poetic words to her while letting his hands caress her thighs, her hips, her arms, her lovely bosoms™... oof. At the same time, a wonderful and harmonic instrumental music will play in the background and match the melodic partition of shudders, breathes and moans let out by our lovers. I can imagine Luke inspiring himself from his performance in the 2019 short film, Youth In Bed. The way he conveyed the awe and the yearning on his face, in his eyes with his mouth slightly open when he knelt before his partner Shun Yin was just captivating and— and so Colin! I cannot help but bring myself to picture Ethan, the character he played in YIB, in a Polin steamy scene. I cannot unsee this anymore jsksk. I mean, all this gifset radiates this book4chapter18!Colin, you cannot tell me otherwise!

Also, I would love Shonda and Chris to keep Pen and Colin’s cute/emotional pillow talk. One thing I really love in JQ’s books is the concern she gives to her male protagonists about potentially hurting their partner during the act of penetration. Colin is a rake, and what his experience with women taught him is that he needs to be very gentle with the love of his life. It was so adorable seeing him not wanting to harm her and asking her to tell him if he does anything she doesn’t like 🥺. Plus, before actually doing it, Colin and Penelope shared a few kisses and just laid down side by side, confessing their love. Though our boy kept feeling guilty about not returning her love after all these years. He desires nothing but to make up for the lost time and show his love and desire during this special intimate moment. I hope they’ll keep all of chapter 18’s dialogue. It’s just so telling of our boos’ feelings, you see.

All in all, I can’t wait to watch those Polin steamy scenes. As much as I may sound crazy, I want them after two other seasons of pure pining and yearning in order to have a very good payoff. I’m not an expert on depicting intimacy on screen, but I loved so far what Lizzy Talbot, the intimacy coordinator who worked on the show, have done in season 1. Sex scenes in Bridgerton seem very real and dive you in the intimacy of the moment, leaving you all flustered and hot. So probs to her! I have faith in her work and have no doubts about what her and the directors will serve us in future seasons. Though, in the end, I think it’s mostly up to the actors, Nicola and Luke, to see if they’re comfortable filming sex scenes.

If you guys have any suggestions or wishes for those steamy polin scenes, please do share them :) by commenting on this post or by sending me asks! I’d love reading your thoughts/take on this very important matter ;))

#bleulone answers #meta and gush #polin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin meta #ask #anon #luke newton #julia quinn #nicola coughlan

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herinsectreflection · 3 years

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An Episode Within an Episode: An Analysis of ‘The Zeppo’

The Zeppo is one of those episodes that so consistently shows up on fan lists of “underrated” episodes, that I don’t know if it can really be considered “underrated” anymore, but I think it deserves a little extra appreciation. It’s definitely an episode that takes a second viewing to appreciate, thanks to how oddly it is constructed, in a way that isn’t immediately advertised to the viewer. Other episodes with unusual styles such as Once More With Feeling or Hush very much wear their concepts on their sleeve; you can’t watch them and not immediately realise what they are doing. That’s not a knock against those episodes - part of what makes them so great and iconic is that they get right to the point and so can do interesting things with the concept. The Zeppo is just a quieter kind of unique. It uses the limited perspective of both the characters and the audience themselves to show a cracked-mirror version of the world. It’s an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer told from the perspective of somebody looking in on another episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s fun and weird and I want to dig into it a little bit.

We start off with a very typical Buffy scene. In its third season now, the show is pretty aware of and confident in its own tropes, and trusts the audience to be too. We don’t need any build-up explaining exactly what Giles has found out and what spell Willow is performing and what these monsters are doing and exactly how Buffy and Faith know how to kill them. We’ve all seen an episode of Buffy before, and we can fill in the blanks pretty easily. This confidence in the show’s own tropes and what the audience expects of it is key to what makes this episode work. We know exactly how a typical episode of Buffy goes, so we can receive this barely-cliff-notes version of one and understand it perfectly. It’s an episode that can only be done in a show’s third year, when viewers have become fluent in the show’s language.

After the fight and exposition is over, Xander stands up from the garbage, as out of context as we are as viewers. As this is a Xander-centric episode, he becomes the audience identification figure. As the one character not supernaturally gifted or linked in any way (as the episode points out several times), Xander makes sense as the viewer stand-in. Xander comments on how he wants to be more involved in the fights but is firmly rebuffed - and it’s clear he wouldn’t be able to impact them anyway. All he can do is watch the fights and plots happen from a distance. In this sense, Xander is no different to the viewer, watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, unable to affect it in any way.

This is where the structure of the episode comes into play. The A plot is a fairly meaningless runaround with zombies, while the B-plot is a finale-worthy epic apocalyptic showdown. We only catch glimpses of it, but it seems to contain all the standard hallmarks of a Buffy apocalypse - an evil cult, opening the hellmouth, tearful Buffy/Angel melodrama. Specifically, it echoes the previous two season finales, with the final showdown apparently featuring both the literal monster from the S1 finale, and some kind of sacrifice that involved Angel (evoking the S2 finale). The very last bit of dialogue we hear during this plot is “Faith, go for the heart!” from Buffy, encouraging her to kill the demon in the library, which you could argue foreshadows the S3 finale, where Buffy will use the Mayor’s love for Faith to kill him in the library. This plot is a facsimile of a Buffy season finale, giving us everything we expect and have seen before, stripped of all context, the very bare bones of a story.

What this achieves is that it alienates the viewer from this story-within-a story, forcing us into an intentionally uncomfortable position, where it feels like we’re watching an episode through a keyhole. It intentionally exacerbates the divide between viewer and show, to highlight our inability to fully perceive or at all impact this world we tune into each week.

Xander is very purposefully chosen as the POV character for this experience. He is feeling very insecure and ineffectual - unable to help with either brains or brawn, and not having a whole lot of impact on the story. He feels alienated from his friends, fearful that they will leave him behind. The structure of this episode highlights this feeling of ineffectualness. Xander feels so alienated from the events and people around him that he, like the audience, becomes separated from them. A character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer becomes an outsider to the story, watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We are encouraged to empathise with Xander because we are in the same position. We too have been robbed of our usual intimacy with this group of people, forced to perceive the shadows of an episode. This meta-emotion dovetails with the character’s internal mental state nicely.

I think my favourite instance of this meta-perception being played with is in the scene between Buffy and Angel, where we are dropped without context into a tearful, dramatic argument where apparently Angel’s life is in the balance, filled with declarations of love and poetic exaltations, backed by this sweeping orchestral score - and then Xander pops his head in. The music immediately stops, he exchanges a few awkward lines with them before realising they have bigger things to worry about. As he leaves, Buffy turns back to the melodrama and the sweeping music surges back in. It’s brilliantly funny - it feels like Xander put an episode on pause for a quick interjection, then re-started it where we left off. It’s a joke relying entirely on the audience’s expectations of the kind of epic melodrama we might get from Buffy and Angel, and it works really well. In this moment, Xander completely becomes the viewer, peeking in on these two actors, observing through glass.

The Zeppo is very concerned with meta references, TV, and the act of watching. Obviously the title is a reference to Zeppo Marx, and there is also a running gag likening Xander to Jimmy Olsen. We are encouraged to think of Xander in relation to his narrative function as a fictional character, and so to watch this episode through this meta lens. One key shot just after Faith and Xander sleep together shows the two of them literally reflected in a TV screen. We are literally seeing a distorted reflection of reality in a TV screen, which on one level is essentially all we do whenever we watch any television show, but is also what we are seeing within this episode - a fuzzy reflection of a Buffy episode within a Buffy episode.

There’s another shot later that I like, of one of the zombies pausing during the final chase scene to look through the library window at the demon emerging from the hellmouth. We see him looking through the glass at this apocalypse monster for a couple of seconds before continuing on with his chase, like a channel-hopping viewer taking a brief glimpse of Buffy, momentarily enraptured, before switching back to what they were watching before.

One thing that stood out to me on this rewatch was how the villains are described. We purposefully get very little on the group, but what we do get is telling. “’Sisterhood of Jhe. Race of female demons, fierce warriors...' Eww. '...celebrate victory in battle by eating their foes.’”

A race of all-female warriors sounds very much like Slayers. They apparently eat after battles too, which according to Faith is also a feature of Slayers. The villain in this story is kind of a representation of the central concept of the show, which makes sense since it deals with Xander navigating around a typical episode of the show. You could also read it as representative of Xander’s pathologies when it comes to women and specifically women who are stronger than him.

What I like about this episode is that it doesn’t conclude by giving Xander a big important role in stopping the apocalypse, proving his worth to the group. That’s what a lesser show might have done. I like that here, Xander never gets involved with the epic finale-esque plot. He carries on existing in the spaces around it, becoming instead the hero of the monster-of-the-week runaround episode he has found himself in. Xander cannot be the hero of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because he’s not Buffy. But he is still a human being, and all of us as human beings are the protagonists and heroes of our own stories. He can be the hero of his own life.

S3 is largely about identity and forging one’s own path in life - obviously Buffy starts by having given up her name, then has to deal with facing off against her dark equivalent and making major decisions about her future. This season’s focus-episodes for the other characters reflect that: Giles is stripped of his role in Helpless, Willow rails against hers in Doppelgangland. This episode is all about Xander coming to terms with his narrative role within Buffy - as the non-powered comedic relief and occasional pep-talker. He could become frustrated with that, throw up his hands and let himself be at the mercy of his narrative function. But this episode allows him to find his own space, his own story. He accepts that he can’t colonise Buffy’s story, but he is still in control of his own decisions, and he can still have his own story. He can create a little one-off episode of Xander the Zombie Fighter that can co-exist peacefully with the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer happening at the same time. It’s a smaller, quieter story without the same world-shaking melodrama - but that’s OK. As Xander says himself, he likes the quiet.

As viewers, we can never shape the course of the media we watch. That’s part of the appeal - we don’t always know what we want or need - a problem Xander faces himself when he clutches at things like “being cool” or “a car” for things that might make him happy - but a good show gives us what we didn’t realise we needed. But it remains an eternal frustration, that we can connect on a deep emotional level with these characters, but can never help them or solve their problems. A good set of characters can feel like family, but a character can never love you back. When Xander faces up against this same uselessness as he observes an episode of Buffy from afar, it is the same uselessness the viewer feels. When he accepts this and inhabits his own story, it reminds us that we can do the same thing. Television can be a great comfort, but it is not our lives. Because we can affect our own lives. We aren’t in control of them, but we can guide and impact them, and we can each be the hero of our own individual existences.

#xander harris #the zeppo #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #meta #s3 #theme:meta #theme:identity #theme:choice

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partyrockin · 3 years

Note

after 3 years off tumblr im tryna find new artists to follow and duuuude your art is so cool im living for it!!

i see you're reading hs2, do you recommend it? (im in the process of re-reading hs...)

(also any other artists recs??)

Aww thank you so much!! Welcome back to Tumblr :3c

I was reading HS2 for a while, but honestly? I couldn’t in good faith recommend it to you, especially if you deeply value the characters and themes from Homestuck proper. Everybody has their own individual taste and connection to these characters, but with the way that the narrative of HS2 has been gradually declining in quality... it’s kinda left a bad taste in my mouth. idk, if you want to continue to find enjoyment in HS and its fanbase, I would strongly suggest not engaging with HS2.

That being said, there are a plethora of fanworks and artists that i can recommend to you! I don’t know if many of them are very active on their Tumblr blogs, so I’ll also list their Twitter profiles since this is where most of these artists are most active:

- @disteal / @distealart on twitter:

Has made an insane amount of QUALITY Homestuck art and comics. Your eyes will thank you.

- @hootpoop12 / @hootpoop12 on twitter:

Makes high-quality Homestuck comics (and shitposts). Ideal if you want a good laugh!

- @karketamine / @nyquillionaire on twitter:

Made a series of dynamic Homestuck drawings and incredible music for HS fanworks too! Scientifically proven to give you a healthy dose of serotonin every time you listen to it.

Is currently working on an album project called ‘Sarah and The Blood Witch,’ which you can find on Bandcamp.

- @vintage-foods / @vintagefoods_ on twitter:

Specializes in delivering amazing Homestuck illustrations and character designs.

Has made official Homestuck sprite art and has contributed art to a few Homestuck^2 updates.

- @spicylizard1 / @muthahomestucka on twitter:

A COMICAL GENIUS! Has made a crazy amount of Homestuck comics, illustrations, and fanfiction. You can find links to these on his website, along with his original works.

Is currently working on a webcomic called ‘Godhead’, along with @karketamine and a couple other contributors. It’s a thought-provoking and insightful narrative while never straying from @spicylizard1‘s iconic comedic style.

- @cometjynx / @cometjynx on twitter:

Here to fulfill all of your soft Davekat needs!

Is currently working on their own Choose Your Own Adventure webcomic called ‘Lumistar’. It’s still in its beginning stages, but it shows a lot of promise!

- @rahafwabas / @raharWabas on twitter:

Makes fun, dynamic Homestuck comics. If you’re into Davekat, they’ll make your heart SOAR.

- @tea-n-pens / @TeaNPens on twitter:

Is well-known for their geometric, adaptable art style. They’ve got you covered if you’re into Dirkjake!

- @frankenflora / @FrankenFlora on twitter:

You want cute Davekat art? They’ve got it! You want Davekat shitposts? They’ve also got it.

- @hipdadz / @hipdadz on twitter:

Master of destroying my heart with his use of colour and composition. Has a ton of lyricstucks under his belt, and he WILL make you cry.

- @tomatograter / @tomatograter on twitter:

His art is literally so pretty. Will never fail to deliver on good quality sadstuck and meta-analysis.

Is currently working on a Jake-centric fanfic called ‘Don Juan Manlet King’. It’s updating soon and it’s just... so good...

- @spidgey / @spidgeyart on twitter:

Professional artist and animators who’s come to share their insane skills with the Homestuck community. Do we even deserve them??

- @wickedgoogly / @wicked_googly on twitter:

Is currently working on a June-centric fanventure called ‘Failure to Launch’. It’s beautifully written and the art style is *chef’s kiss*.

- @sarcasmprodigy / @SarcasmProdigy on twitter:

I’d honestly be surprised if you found me before you found @sarcasmprodigy. Their art is so fun and they continue to be really active with the community.

- @floralmarsupial / @floralmarsupial on twitter:

Has blessed the Homestuck fandom with her comics and lyricstucks. Have you SEEN their ‘The Best of Times’ lyricstuck???

She is currently working on a Homestuck comic series called ‘Liminal Space,’ for all of your Jade Harley needs.

- @marinaraimpasta / @marinaraimpasta on twitter:

Professional artist and animator who DELIVERS on their Meenkri art.

Is now working on a fanventure comic called ‘HybridRule,’ featuring a lively cast of original trolls living in an entirely new and interesting world. I can’t say much about it yet, but it’s still updating!

- @indigonite / @indigonite0 on twitter:

Yet another artist who delivers on their high-quality Homestuck illustrations and comics!

- @whichoftime / @whichoftime on twitter:

Single-handedly carries the Aradia fandom. Has some of the best character designs I ever did see.

- @yoitscro / @yoitscro on twitter:

Involved in and directs so many Homestuck projects, zines, animations, podcasts etc. that I literally couldn’t list them all. It wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to say that they are one of the reasons the Homestuck fandom is as active as it is now. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

- @koa_doodles on twitter:

Their art style is so soft and their comics? Hilarious.

- @tmblrusrgmz on twitter:

Yet another reason the fandom is so active. Is currently working on the now UNdiscontinued Act 8 fanventure!

- @PanDaePan on twitter:

Is possibly one of the most active artists in the Homestuck community right now. I find myself deeply inspired by their art.

- @protagonist_of on twitter:

Has easily one of my favourite styles in the fandom. Their comics have a unique, Hussie-esque humour, and they’re really fun to engage with.

- @SK_intheballs on twitter:

Currently works on ‘Karkat Goes To A Convention,’ easily one of my favourite fanventures to date.

#ask #homestuck #thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about how awesome my friends and mutuals are haskjdshfj

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pumpkinpaix · 4 years

Note

HI! I'm new to the MDZS fandom and I fell in love with Suibian, but you don't see it that much. I seen somewhere that it would burn out a weaker core and I cried cause I wanted to see that, and as far as I know it doesn't happen anywhere. I'm wondering if you could tell me anything and everything you know about Suibian. I'm starving for anything about it

hi anon! ahahah, it’s always a dangerous thing to ask me about “anything and everything” on a topic because I usually have too many thoughts, most of which are unorganized. but! if you’re interested in that, then here we go!

First, re: your comment about Suibian burning out a weaker core: I am not aware of this theory (or is it something from an interview?? if someone knows, please say so!), but if it brings you joy, then it’s certainly an interesting one to consider! Unfortunately, I don’t have much more to say on it because I’m unfamiliar with it, but I do have quite a lot to say on some other Suibian concepts!

ask and ye shall receive (a very jumbled heap of thoughts as i spiral further and further out of control):

[all rough translations are mine, and thus all mistakes are mine. I am using the version of the novel that is available on luoxia because I can’t be bothered to go flipping through my print edition ahaha.]

the questions about Suibian that interest me the most are why it sealed, when it sealed, when Wei Wuxian began to wield it again, and what that might all mean. I’m going to be talking about novel, CQL, and audio drama canon all together, because I think looking at each canon alone and in combination can raise a lot of very different points!! (I have not watched the donghua or read the manhua yet, so forgive me, I have nothing to say about them. /o\)

So! the one piece of information that we’re given consistently throughout all three of the canons is that Suibian was sealed after Wei Wuxian’s death and that no one but Wei Wuxian himself (and Jiang Cheng, by proxy) could draw it from its sheathe. Thus, Wei Wuxian’s identity is revealed and the golden core swap comes to light. Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, and asks Lan Wangji, “Did it really seal itself?” (novel, chapter 63; CQL, ep 42; audio drama, S2E15).

The novel and audio drama both include a line from Wei Wuxian that emphasizes Wei Wuxian’s surprise, implying that sword-sealing is very uncommon:

万中无一的大好事竟然让我给撞上了

Something incredible that happens less than once per ten thousand times, and I actually encountered it.

the irony, of course, is that this incredible thing is what ended up blowing his cover. rip Wei Wuxian.

but what I think gets really interesting is comparing different points at which Suibian sealed itself and what that might imply in conjunction with other information. Jin Guangyao says “shortly after” his death, but CQL includes a scene in episode 19 that implies that Suibian actually sealed itself much earlier.

[ID: Gif from episode 19 of the untamed drama. Lan Wangji attempts to draw Suibian after he and Jiang Cheng storm the Nightless City and retrieve their swords. He cannot pull it from the sheathe. /end ID]

(in case anyone is curious, it’s about 30 minutes in. I spent the effort to make the gif, so I might as well give you the timestamp lol)

this scene takes place during the period of time when Wei Wuxian is in the Mass Graves (aka the Burial Mounds) after Wen Chao cast him down and left him for dead, right near the beginning of Sunshot. I’m fairly certain it’s not mentioned in either the novel or the audio drama, so this is a CQL-only detail. (please correct me if I’m wrong; I get my canons muddled all the time //hides face)

CQL basically does nothing narratively with this scene other than giving us some sad shots of Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng (honestly, valid ;A;) but!! if we decide to accept this scene as our jumping off point, we can get to some interpretations about Wei Wuxian using information from the other canons!

take this exchange from chapter 57 of the novel (immediately prior to the massacre at lotus cove):

江澄道：“还不是又为咱们的剑的事去温家了。一想到我的三毒现在说不定被哪只温狗握在手��，真是……”

他面露嫌恶之色，魏无羡道：“可惜咱们的剑还不够灵，要是能自动封剑，那就谁也别想用了。”

江澄道：“你再修炼个八十年，说不定可以。”

Jiang Cheng said, “He’s gone to the Wen sect regarding our swords again, hasn’t he. Whenever I think that my Sandu might even now be in some Wen-dog’s hands, ugh…”

His face filled with loathing, Wei Wuxian said, “What a pity our swords don’t have enough spirit. If they could seal themselves, then no one could even think about using them.”

Jiang Cheng said, “If you kept cultivating for another eighty years, maybe.”

from the novel, it seems clear that sword-sealing is something that only happens when a person’s cultivation level is exceptionally high. if this is true, and we go with the CQL timeline of Suibian sealing itself long before Wei Wuxian’s death, it means that Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level wasn’t just high, it was leagues above pretty much anyone else when he was still a teenager. (In fact, Suibian had most likely already sealed by the time this conversation takes place.)

If we don’t go with CQL’s timeline, however, I think we could make a very different argument. It’s a bit of a reach, but I think it’s a lot of fun, if you’re willing to come with me on this journey!

Jin Guangyao says Suibian sealed itself “shortly after” Wei Wuxian’s death, but we don’t really have external confirmation of that. For all we know, someone only bothered to test it sometime after his death, and Suibian had been sealed for some indefinite amount of time. All we can say for sure is that by some point shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian was already sealed and resisted being drawn by anyone who tried it.

We’re told over and over that one can only wield a spiritual sword effectively if you have a golden core/the spiritual energy to match it. Wei Wuxian stops carrying/using Suibian because he knows that in his hands, it will act as nothing more than an ordinary sword. His method of cultivation is no longer suitable for the sword. Suibian is tied to both Wei Wuxian’s soul and his golden core.

If sword-sealing only happens when the cultivator’s level is unbelievably high, then I think we can make the argument here that by the time of his death, Wei Wuxian’s core was likewise unbelievably strong – but Wei Wuxian is no longer the one developing his core. Jiang Cheng is.

I know it’s a ridiculous reach. To be clear, I don’t think the text actually intends this or supports this in any meaningful way, but I do think that it gives us some very tasty potential!! If Suibian sealed itself sometime after the core transfer (which, honestly, we wouldn’t know – after all, who’s been trying to draw Wei Wuxian’s sword?), but just if, I think we can plausibly make the argument that Jiang Cheng’s cultivation is truly extraordinary.

:DDDDDDDD

It’s fun right?? It’s a fun concept!!! Even if it’s nonsense, even if it’s not that deep, even if this was an unintentional coincidence, I think it would be interesting to look at this as being some kind of measure of Jiang Cheng’s accomplishments. On the flip side, I also think it’s very important thematically that Jiang Cheng’s value as a person has nothing to do with his cultivation, that he is, in fact, always second-best, but that doesn’t make him any less worthwhile or deserving of love. Maybe I’m just projecting lmao. Of course, being extraordinary doesn’t preclude him from still lagging behind Wei Wuxian–Wei Wuxian might have just been more extraordinary ahahah. We can have both!!

Now for a totally different thing! Interestingly, this conversation about cultivation levels and sword-sealing (the one with Jiang Cheng) also happens in the audio drama, S2E12 (about 15 minutes in, since I just checked), but Wei Wuxian adds an additional comment:

(don’t have the transcription of the original chinese, I’m just going to translate it as I hear it)

“But maybe you don’t need to cultivate to a certain level to have your sword seal itself. What if there were some other way?”

these two versions of the conversation actually imply pretty different things, I think! this addition opens the possibility to the audience that sword-sealing is possible even without an extraordinary level of cultivation, and I think lends credence to the idea that Suibian is just an unusually loyal sword, regardless of Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level. Whether that’s something inherent to Suibian’s “personality”, or whether this says something about how Wei Wuxian inspires loyalty wherever he goes, or whether it just speaks to the strength of their bond remains to be seen.

(obviously, this could imply any number of other things as well, but I find this to be the interpretation that makes me happiest.)

If we go with “Suibian seals itself after Wei Wuxian’s death” in this canon, I think this emphasizes the loyalty aspect with a touch of grief.

If we combine this with CQL and have “Suibian has been loyal since he was a teenager”, that also emphasizes the loyalty aspect – just in a different way.

Of course, doing meta combining unique details from different canons is largely pointless in terms of crafting any real “analysis”, so I’m mostly saying all of this because I enjoy the process of building the supercanon in my head that brings me the most joy! To summarize the varied interpretations I’ve brought up in this post:

CQL-only: Suibian sealed itself when Wei Wuxian was a teenager, at latest, by the time he was thrown into the Mass Graves.

Novel-only: Sword-sealing is very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself, so Wei Wuxian’s core, by the time of his death, was extraordinarily powerful.

Audio drama-only: Sword-sealing is considered very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation, but might also be accomplished by other methods. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself. If Wei Wuxian’s core is not wildly and improbably powerful, this implies that Suibian has become an exceptionally loyal sword by the time of his death.

CQL/novel: Wei Wuxian was already incredibly powerful by the time he was a teenager.

CQL/audio drama: Suibian has been exceptionally loyal to Wei Wuxian since at least his teenage years.

Novel and audio drama-only have a much wider range of when Suibian could have sealed itself, as mentioned, so there are further variances within those interpretations.

there’s a lot of potential here!! with my personal feelings regarding the story, I like novel-only with Suibian sealing post-core transfer, audio drama-only with Suibian sealing post-Wei Wuxian’s death, or CQL/audio drama with Suibian sealing as a teenager pretty much all equally. I think the CQL/novel interpretation gets too close to casting Wei Wuxian as a hyper-special and innately noble individual in a way that undercuts the strength of his character arc, but that’s my opinion. (As an aside, this is actually one of my major complaints about CQL in general, independent from what I’m talking about here. But that is a topic for another day ahahaha. To be clear, I still love CQL very much, despite my many frustrations!)

As for what I think is the most “likely” to be the “right” interpretation (whatever that’s worth), I would probably say the one that emphasizes Suibian’s loyalty with Suibian sealing post-death, because I think it’s the most thematically cohesive and has the textual support to back it. (I think it’s a valid interpretation even using novel-only text; it’s just slightly less explicit without the additional comment from Wei Wuxian.)

A final detail:

We don’t get anything from either CQL or the novel that explicitly addresses when/if Wei Wuxian is able to wield Suibian again, but the audio drama’s rendition of the “Yunmeng” extra very subtly indicates that by the time that extra takes place, Wei Wuxian has cultivated a golden core and is carrying his sword once more. You only get it at a couple of moments, but Suibian sometimes clinks when Wei Wuxian moves or when he bumps into something. The two instances I can remember specifically are when Lan Wangji tosses the ring onto him (the ring hits Suibian), and when he’s rowing the little boat onto the lotus pond and the motion makes a sound. It’s!!! Extremely good!!! It makes my heart very full!!!!!

ANYWAYS, if all of my scattered rambling didn’t fill the Suibian-shaped hole in your heart, I would also like to recommend @zeldacw‘s wonderful WangQingSuiChen series of comics, featuring anthropomorphized versions of Wangji guqin, Chenqing, Suibian, and Bichen. I believe the most recent comic is here, and there are links to the rest of the comics in the post. If you just want her general tag for the AU (which is more than just the comics), it’s here!

If you have interest in listening to the audio drama yourself, you can purchase it through the MissEvan app (Mao’er FM). There are buying instructions linked in this post! If you need English subtitles, @suibiansubs is the group that does them. :)

I really can’t recommend the audio drama enough, tbh, it’s really really dear to my heart, and the team clearly worked so hard and cared so deeply for the story they were trying to tell. Consider this my regularly scheduled plug for the audio drama ahaha.

As always, my meta is my meta and if you don’t vibe with it, that’s chill! I change my opinions constantly (I think I changed them like three times in the course of writing this ahahaha), and I know some of my older meta has been making the rounds and every time I see it I think about all the ways my views have shifted since I wrote it rip. For this post moreso than usual, I want to emphasize that pretty much all of the meta included in this is meant to explore intriguing what-if possibilities, not for serious literary analysis purposes. I am aware that a lot of this is reaching/overinterpreting into implications that probably aren’t there. I just think they’re fun to consider!

so this was a mess, but I hope you or someone out there enjoyed it anon!!

(ko-fi, if you’re so moved)

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inked-out-trees · 3 years

Note

⭐ for The Keep Going Song? Thanks! :)

(anh i would die for you)

Thank you for asking! I am going to be talking about the whole thing because it's fun, and because there's not really many ~secrets~ within the text to ramble about, just little fun snippets!

I'll do it under a cut because I will definitely ramble. Woohoo!

I came across The Keep Going Song (the song) after my Lookout 3 Companion Playlist (& my spotify discovery) introduced me to the Bengsons. The effect was almost instantaneous - it's the kind of warmth I try to encompass in everything I do, and for the next few days I had it on repeat as I worked. This was around the time I was finishing my Lookout script, and I had been toying with the idea of writing a Cornleyverse fic after absolutely devouring all 10 fics in the tag. What I knew was that I wanted it to be sweet, I wanted it to pull them all together, and I wanted it to be a progression. Despite only having seen the Goes Wrong Show, jumping into the fandom made me want to dimensionalize these characters and give them a story beyond everything that had already occured.

I also watched Christmas Carol before / during the writing process, but to date I have not watched Peter Pan or the full-length TPTGW. My prior knowledge comes from Wikipedia, the delightul amateur TPTGW production on YouTube, a friend's excellent transcription of the Haversham Manor script, and tumblr meta analysis. I think I did a reasonable enough job pretending I knew what I was doing.

Let's get going!

I knew off the top that it was going to be vignettes - they would give me room to spread the story over the long period of time it takes for a group of people to grow into something resembling a family. Like I said in the original author's note, there was supposed to be more of the early, snippy days - but I got so focused on making them kinder that I found I couldn't properly write a fight. In hindsight, it probably would have been easier if I tried writing that first, but, well. Once I realized that it was too late. The alphabet idea came later, once I had them all finished: I wanted to organize them somehow, but numbers felt too open, too infinite - closing the story on an organizational endpoint was just really satisfying.

a - Every good story needs a good beginning.

c - Starting with the end of Peter Pan is my sneaky way of slipping past the fact that I haven't seen the earlier shows! The Max and Sandra storyline is just so sweet, and I wanted to let it exist a little bit in between our jump from Peter Pan to Christmas Carol. This vignette came so easily when I wrote it and I love love love the feelings and the tentativity about the whole thing.

f - This was actually the last vignette I wrote. I realized I needed some front-end padding because otherwise my angst plot came rather abruptly, and what better way? At this point, too, I was trying to bring in POVs from each one of our characters, and when deciding on Trevor's POV I thought the exasperation-excitement combination would be an excellent choice. It turns out Trevor is my favourite to write, mostly because I can find his voice a lot easier than some of the others - and probably also because I hold a lot of fondness and nostalgia for stage crew work. Also, I wrote most of this one on a long evening walk in the notes app on my phone. Fun fact.

h - I did my original idea slam in a draft tumblr post, and this one just says "birthday party but one without all the drama of christmas carol". And what do you know, that's exactly what it is! I definitely took the birthday party (in CCGW as well as in this fic) as a kind of proof that they really do like each other, if they're doing things like this and if they want to do things like this - and that theme of okay, they want to be here formed the basis for this part. I think it's exceptionally sweet that Dennis came looking for friends and ended up finding, well, something. And I popped in a little MMNI reference with "one of the Janines" - Backwards Janine? Frontwards Janine? Original Janine? Who knows! It's one of them!

l - The thing about this plot is that it's actually one of the first ideas I had when dreaming up this fic, and I couldn't quite let it go. The point was, what if I somehow split them up? How can they get on when half the society is out of commission? And the most reasonable way I could find to actually get half of them out of commission was the car accident. To be honest, this one is mostly filler - it's also the second vignette I wrote, and it found its birth in the email drafts of my work laptop.

m - Trying to map out this little plotline without overdoing it might have been the most difficult part of this fic, and I'm still not 100% sure I succeeded. This is our explanation for the unease from the vignette above, and it took me 3 rewrites before I finally found something that settled in my brain. "Dennis gets chased by a goose" might be one of my favourite lines in the fic though.

Also, putting these letters right next to each other made me feel really clever for no reason.

n - My Jonathan perspective also took a few stutter-steps in its beginning, but this one ultimately came from the promo video's reveal that Robert and Dennis live together, and me playing with the continual idea of the remaining cast members being rather unmoored in their injured castmates' absence. Robert in particular because I love his character and I love making him Feel Things(TM) (fun hint: this will also be a small theme in the new cpds fic I have in the works!) and I want to see so much from this odd relationship between him and Dennis. Obviously they have to tolerate each other if they are willingly roommates - how far can I go with that? I love how this one turned out.

o - All I have to say about this one is that I still really love the sweetness between these two, and they deserve the world. Also, at some point during writing this I was really caught up with how striking Dave's face silhouette is (don't ask) so that ended up making it in somehow.

q - Girls' Night is SO important to me. After all the work they've done to make these gals friends I needed to capture it, and a pleasant night in just made a lot of sense. This one is the home of a few of my headcanons - Annie has a chef roommate and Max does a lot of the cooking, thus the "neither of us are the usual household cooks" comments, and I also think they're at the point where they can joke about their previous failures (especially with these three together) so the nod to A Trial To Watch (my favourite gws episode) was so fun. Also, Waking Ned really is a silly pick-me-up of a movie - would recommend. Special thanks to CBC for giving us Canadians quality British TV alongside our occasionally questionable homegrown programming.

r - It wouldn't be a fic about progress and growth with this crew without a disheartening moment turned into gold. I wrote this one while barbecuing, another fun fact, and no joke the hardest part was figuring out what to name the play they were doing. I kept pace with the whole "Jonathan can't get onscreen" gag, which was personally hilarious and made me cackle as I wrote it, and the rest of it just felt good. I will always have a soft spot for comfort and reassurance in a story and getting to write it has just been an absolute delight.

t - This was one of my other unplanned vignettes. It was originally to fill out Robert's POV, but also to express a bit of how things have changed in Chris's attitude towards his cast - if there's one thing I would change from Mischief's characerisation thus far, it's this brand of almost-kindness that I consistently need to write him with. It takes the aftermath of the car accident and uses it to kind of make him understand - this is a valuable group of people and I don't want to lose it. But of course he's not the type of person to actually express that in any way, so I thought the frenetic hovering was a good way to get the point across. As well, the kind-of-bonding between Chris and Robert - the two of them are such powerhouses of insistent personality that conflict so easily but they've also got a more secret kind of friendship that deserves to be explored a little more. I really like this vignette and how it ended up portraying how they are around each other, how they really do know each other, especially when they're not fighting. Makes me soft.

w - This is the first vignette I wrote! I honestly didn't realize until writing this just how much I identify with Annie - best of both worlds re. crew and cast, a bit of tenacity regarding getting through things, overall personality - I just love her so so much. She also seems like the most sensible of the cast, so the collective "why are we really here?" moment with Trevor really spoke to me. I love their friendship, I love the kind of quiet vibe this vignette gives off - this is one of the ones I can feel most strongly, the one I can step into and exist inside. I also spent most of my old drama rehearsals and classes without shoes, so that had to make it in just by virtue of the sock brigade (me).

z - One thing I knew for sure since the inception of the fic was that it needed to end on a victory. I took the images I had of this victorious adrenaline, everyone together having a good time, kind of getting smashed, and karaoke (I really wanted the karaoke, for some reason) and went the obvious route: the wedding. Ending on Chris POV also felt so right - possibly because he's the one with the most growth in this fic - and getting to finally feel this triumph with him after all these other trials and tribulations was an absolute joy. The wedding hall, in my head, looks like the one my cousin used (it was at a zoo... my sister and I went on a night walk and heard a lot of screaming peacocks) and I definitely threw all my wistfulness, all my love for the characters I'd developed, and all my love for this fantastic fandom into this part. The incorrect lyrics that Annie sings are exactly what I think every time I hear that song, because I've never looked up the lyrics before and my brain likes to play Mad Libs with my super-questionable auditory processing. And the image of the ballroom staff getting really exasperated with them and shutting all the lights off came to me at night and is hastily scribbled on a sticky note (it's a wonder it's legible) but I still strongly believe that it's the perfect, perfect way to end. I still get the warm feelings when I reread this part, even now, after so many reads.

And, finally - our end quote is exactly what started this whole thing. What is this drama society if not a rough beginning? But the concept that we'll make it through, that we can just take a step and then another and it'll be okay because we're together... it's hard to describe just how much it means to me, to my place in the world, to the world itself. I think one of my rather consistent aims in writing, no matter what it is, is to be able to have this collective - characters that become family, people that are important to each other, this constellation to lean on - because it's all I can say for the human experience. It's probably quite a bit of wishful thinking (as I said to another friend, "I am apparently letting loose on all my repressed social feelings of the past year and shoving them into fics") and a sort of subconscious confirmation that if I write it, I can be it. So this force of understanding and kindness and ultimately good people helping each other through the world is something I can't help but include, something that means the absolute world to me.

I'm so glad to have been able to share this fic with everyone, and extra glad that it's been able to touch some people along the way. I've found such an incredible community in Mischief and coincidentally I think The Keep Going Song represents that warmth, too - the community I've been so lucky to exist inside, how we're helping each other along, step by step. What a beautiful thing to be a part of! Thank you for reading and allowing me to give you a bit of my heart. 💖💖

#director's cut #the keep going song

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Hello again! Im the tinfoil hat anon with the long ass asks and I finally had the time to read your response. Thank you, it makes my day reading your answers. I honestly just enjoyed them over a cup of coffee like a good book.

Now, the gun pointing scene I mentioned was in fact the one from the droid fight facility like the other anon suggested. But I really liked that you covered the boat scene too, I haven’t thought of it much myself and now I definitely have!

I also would like to mention I love your “candy bar” choice analogy and I 100% agree Hunter’s “invitation” to join back wasn’t welcoming in the slightest. It is very likely just an obligation as you said. Sort of “you gave us a chance, we owe you a chance too”.

And the problem with it is now I am struggling to figure out how the batch members might change their attitude toward Crosshair going forward, especially Hunter. As of right now Crosshair’s best relationship is not with his brothers but with Omega(as surprising as this is). And I think he does realize now she cared about him the most out of all of them during the short time they interacted(both 1st and last episodes). Even between themselves(not counting Omega) I find most of the bad batch members to be cold and distant to each other. They feel less like a family than Rebels for example. And they aren’t even a “found family”(a trope everyone loves) but an actual one! And I get that they’re soldiers and supposed to be tough, I don’t expect them to share all “the feels”. I just can’t put my finger on it but something feels off. I agree with your previous post, the show doesn’t do a very good job showing or even telling they love each other.

Will Hunter and co only start caring about their brother again only after he leaves the empire?(assuming he does at some point). What about Disney’s prevailing theme and message that “family always love and care for each other no matter what”? I guess it’s “family always love and care for each other but only if you’re good guys making right choices”. There is no room for mistakes or wrong decisions. In the last episode everyone form the batch seemed to have given up on Crosshair(besides Omega). For now their attitude seems to be just “you’re not our enemy” and that’s that.

I realize Crosshair is a “bad guy” and consciously made his choice(and we know it’s the wrong one) but to me it felt like he thought he didn’t even had a choice or rather became so lost and confused he actually thought he chose the empire as “the lesser evil”(as in the less shitty choice out of all the other bad ones). We as audience have the benefit to know exactly how atrocious the empire really is but maybe Crosshair still doesn’t realize that.

So what exactly must Crosshair do to get back “in their good graces” as you say? Start saving “the good guys”? Save the bad batch multiple times? There is a popular opinion on how Crosshair can redeem himself. That he eventually heroically sacrifices himself to save them. I personally REALLY hope it’s NOT what’s going to happen but I heard so many people speculating his story is set up to be redemption=death. I know you mentioned you don’t want “Vader style redemption” either. Personally I think it would be a waste of a character who has a lot of potential. And I just think that the batch kind of don’t really deserve his sacrifice(maybe save for Omega) after how they never tried to save him themselves and how they treated him overall. Maybe he will risk his life to save Omega at some point and that will “prove” to Hunter he cares? Although he has already shown he cares by saving her(even if in Crosshair’s own words it’s just so they’re “even”). And the thing is, he doesn’t need to prove that he loves them, he already did that in episode 15 and made it clear he does care. He actually went to extreme by shooting his squad to prove his loyalty. What were the moments the batch demonstrated they care about him? Hunter saying “you never were our enemy” and taking his unconscious body to safety? To me Hunter “not leaving him behind” during bombardment felt more like guilt about the last time it happened and an obligation to Crosshair for helping them with droids, rather than them showing care. And I kinda of think if that was any random civilian(or anyone other than an enemy or a threat) they would carry them out too just because that’s what good guys do and not because it’s their brother. You also mentioned that minutes later Hunter snaps at him with “if you want to stay here and die, that’s your choice” which I agree can be interpreted in different ways. And I think it’s one more point to it being an obligation that in Hunter’s eyes is fulfilled now. He corrected his mistake of leaving a brother behind and saved him this time, now his guilt won’t burden him any longer.

Anyway, I can’t wait for season 2 and I appreciate you and all the anons sharing the tinfoil hat, interacting and speculating together. Those discussions have been a lot of fun!

TLDR: How do your think the relationship between the brothers will mend or evolve in the next season? Do you think S2 will improve in portraying the batch more as a family rather than a group of mercs doing missions together? What are your thoughts on the popular idea of Crosshair’s redemption by ultimate sacrifice? As in, how likely do you think this scenario is?

Anon, that is just wonderfully hilarious to me. Ah yes, the sunrise, a good cup o' joe, and the overly long character analysis of a snarky, fictional sniper. Exactly what everyone needs in the morning! 😆

You know, TBB is far from the first show I've watched where there's an obvious, emotional conclusion the creator wants the audience to come to—the squad all love each other Very Much—yet that conclusion isn't always well supported by the text. It creates this horribly awkward situation where you're going, "Yes, I'm fully aware of what the show wanted to do, but this reading, arguably, did not end up in the story itself. So what are we talking about here? The intention, or the execution?" It's like Schrödinger's Bad Batch where the group is simultaneously Very Loving and Very Distant depending on how much meta-aspects are influencing your reading: those authorial intentions, understanding of how found family tropes should work, fluff focused fics/fan art that color our understanding of the characters, etc. And, of course, whether someone saw TCW before they watched TBB. I personally wouldn't go quite so far as to say they're "cold" towards one another—with Crosshair as an exception now—but there wasn't the level of bonding among the squad that I expected of a show called The Bad Batch. Especially compared to their arc in TCW. The other night I re-watched the season seven premiere and was struck not just by how much more the squad interacted with each other back then, but how those interactions added depth to their characters too. For example, Crosshair is the mean one, right? He's the one picking fights with the Regs? Well yeah... but it's also Wrecker. While they're trying to decide what to do with Cody injured, Jesse calls out Crosshair on his attitude—"You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!"—and Wrecker's immediate response is, "Says who?" and he hefts Jesse into the air. And then he just holds him there, clearly using his superior strength to do as he pleases, until Hunter (sounding pretty angry) tells him to put Jesse down. If Wrecker had put him into a more classically understood bullying position, like pinning him to the ground, it would probably read as less funny—less "Haha strong clone lifts Jesse up in the air!" and more "Oh shit, strong clone can do whatever the hell he wants to the Regs and few are able to stop him." It's such a quick moment, but it tells us a ton about Wrecker. That he's going to stick up for his brothers, no matter the context (Crosshair deserves to be called out). That he will gleefully assist Crosshair in bothering the Regs (something that is reinforced when he later throws the trays in the mess hall, after Hunter has already deescalated the situation). That he's likely been hurt by awful treatment from the Regs too. That he'll only listen to Hunter when it comes to backing off. Little of this work—that interplay among the squad that shows us new sides to them other than basic things like "Wrecker is the nice, happy brother"—exists in TBB.

Or, at least, little exists after Omega becomes an official member of the squad.

Because, as said previously, she becomes the focus. I don't mean that as a total criticism. As established, I love Omega. But if we're talking about why the squad can feel so distant from each other, I think she's the root cause, simply because the story became all about her relationships with the Batch, rather than the Batch's relationships with each other. Having dived headfirst into reading and writing fic, it occurred to me just how many of the bonding moments we love, the sort of stuff we'll see repeated in fics because we understand that this is where the story's emotional center is, are given to Omega in canon:

Someone is hurt and in need of comfort. Omega's emotional state is the focus + moments like her being worried over Hunter getting shot.

Someone needs to learn a new skill. Echo teaches Omega how to use her bow.

Someone reveals a skill they never knew they had before. Omega is a strategic genius and plays her last game with Hunter.

Someone is in serious danger and in need of rescue. Omega rescues the group from the slavers + is the most vocal about rescuing Hunter. (Which, again, is a pretty sharp contrast to the whole Crosshair situation.) Omega, in turn, needs rescuing from things like the decommission conveyor belt.

Similarly, someone is kidnapped and in need of rescue. Omega is kidnapped twice by bounty hunters and the Batch goes after her.

Someone saves another's life. Omega saves Crosshair from drowning.

Someone does something super sweet for another. Wrecker gives Omega her room. Omega gives Wrecker Lula.

A cute tradition is established between characters. Wrecker has his popcorn-esque candy sharing with Omega.

Someone hurts someone else and has to ask forgiveness. Wrecker is upset about nearly shooting Omega and they have that sweet moment together.

Note that most of these examples could have occurred between other Batch members, but didn't. Someone could have created a space for Echo on the ship too. Wrecker also could have apologized to Tech for choking him, etc. It's not that those moments shouldn't happen with Omega, just that there should be more of a balance across the whole season, especially for a show supposedly focused on the original squad. Additionally, it's not that cute bonding moments between the rest of the Batch don't exist. I love Hunter selling Echo off as a droid. I love Wrecker and Tech bickering while fixing the ship. I love the tug-of-war to save Wrecker from the sea monster. Yes, we do have moments... it's just that comparatively it feels pretty skewed in Omega's direction.

So, as a VERY long-winded way of answering your question, I think we need to fix the above in order to tackle Crosshair's redemption in season two. Now that we've had a full season focused on Omega, we need to strike a better balance among the rest of the squad moving forward. We need to re-established the "obvious" conclusion that the rest of the Batch loves Crosshair and that's done (in part) by establishing their love for one another too. To my mind, both goals go hand-in-hand, especially since you can develop their relationship with Crosshair and their relationships with each other simultaneously. Imagine if instead of just having Wrecker somewhat comically admit that he misses Crosshair (like he's dead and they can't go get him??), he and Tech had a serious conversation about why they can't get him back yet, despite very much wanting to. Imagine if Echo, the one who was rescued against all odds, got to scream at Hunter to go get Crosshair like Omega screamed at them to go back for Hunter. Imagine if we'd gotten more than a tiny arc in TCW to establish the Batch's dynamic with each other, providing a foundation for how they would each react to Crosshair's absence. Instead, what little we've got in TBB about Crosshair's relationship with his brothers is filtered through Omega: Omega's embarrassment that she knocked over Crosshair's case, Omega treating Crosshair's comm link like a toy, Omega's quest to save Hunter that just happened to involve Crosshair along the way.

Obviously, at this point we can't fix how the first season did things, but I think we can start patching over these issues in season two. It would be jarring—we'd still be 100% correct to ask where this "Brothers love you, support you, and will endlessly fight for you" theme was for Crosshair's entire time under the Empire's thumb... but I'd take an about-face into something better than not getting any improvement at all. It is frustrating though, especially for a show that I otherwise really, really enjoyed. For me, the issue isn't so much that the show made a mistake (since no show is perfect), but that the mistake is attached to such a foundational part of the franchise. Not just in terms of "SW is about hope and forgiveness" but the specific relationship most clones have with each other: a willingness to go above and beyond for their brothers. The focus on Omega aside, it's hard to believe in the family dynamic when one member of the family was so quickly and easily dismissed. I couldn't get invested in Hunter's rescue as much as I should have because rather than going, "Yes!! Save your brother!!!" my brain just kept going, "Lol where was this energy for Crosshair?" It messes with your reading of the whole story, so in order to fix that mistake going forward, we need to start seeing the bonds that only sometimes exist in season one. Show the guys expressing love for one another more consistently (in whatever way that might be—as you say, soldiers don't have to be all touchy-feely. Give us more moments like Wrecker supporting his brothers' bad habits) and then extend that to Crosshair. Which brother is going to demand that they fight for him? Which brother is going to acknowledge that they never tried to save him? Which brother is going to question this iffy statement about the chip? In order to buy into the family theme, Omega can't be the only one doing that emotional work.

Ideally, I wouldn't want Crosshair to go out of his way to prove that he's a good guy now. I mean, I obviously want him to stop helping the Empire and such, duh lol, but I'm personally not looking for a bunch of Extra Good Things directed at the Batch as a requirement for forgiveness. Simply because that would reinforce the idea that they're 100% Crosshair's victims, Crosshair is 100% the bad guy, and he's the only one who needs to do any work to fix this situation. Crosshair needs to stop doing bad things (working for Empire). But the Batch needs to start doing good things too (reaching out to him). Especially since Crosshair made a good play already, only to be met with glares and distrust. He saved Omega! And AZI! And none of them cared. So am I (is Crosshair) supposed to believe that saving one of their lives again will result in a different reaction? That doesn't make much sense. And no, his own life wasn't at risk when he did that, but does every antagonist need to die/nearly die to prove they're worth fighting for? As you say, he's already shown that he loves them, far more than they've shown the reverse. Every time Crosshair hurt them (attacking) it was while he was under the chip's influence. In contrast, the group has no "I was being controlled" excuse for when they hurt him (abandonment). Season two needs to acknowledge the Batch's responsibility in all this—and acknowledge that they're all victims of the Empire—in order to figure out an appropriate arc for Crosshair's redemption.

Right now, the issue is not Crosshair loving his brothers, the issue is how Crosshair chooses to express that love: trying to keep them safe and giving them a purpose in life by joining the organization that's clearly going to dominate the galaxy. The only way to fix that, now that his offer has been rejected, is for him to realize that a life on the run from the Empire, together, is a better option for everyone. And the only way for that to happen is for the Batch to seriously offer him a place with them again. They need to make the first move here. They need to fight for him. And yeah, I totally get that a lot of people don't like that because it's not "fair." He's the bad guy. He's with the fascist allegory. He's killed people and has therefore lost any right to compassion and effort from the good guys... but if that's the case, then we just have to accept that (within the story-world, not from a writing perspective) Crosshair is unlikely to ever come back from this. When people reach that kind of low, they rarely pull themselves out on their own. They need other people to help them do that. Help them a lot. But with the exception of Omega's reminder—which Crosshair can't believe due to how everyone else has treated him—they leave him alone and seem to expect him to fix himself first, then he gets their support. It needs to be the other way around. Support is what would allow him to become a good guy again, not "Well, you'll get our love when you're good again, not before." That's unlikely to occur and, as discussed, it doesn't take into account things like this bad guy life being forced on Crosshair at the start. If the story really wanted this to be a matter of ideological differences... then make it about ideological differences. Let Crosshair leave of his own free will, right at the start. Don't enslave him for half the season, have him realize he was abandoned, imply all that brainwashing, give him no realistic way out, and then punish him for not doing the right thing. This isn't a situation where someone went bad for the hell of it—the story isn't asking us to feel compassion for, say, the Admiral—it's a situation where Crosshair was controlled and now can't see a way out. That context allows for the Batch, the good guys, to fight for him without the audience thinking the show is just excusing that behavior. They should have been fighting from the start, but since they didn't, I hope we at least start seeing that in season two.

Ultimately though... I don't really expect all of the above. The more balanced dynamics and having the Batch fight for Crosshair rather than Crosshair going it alone... I wouldn't want to bet any money on us getting it, just because these are things that should have been established in season one and would have been more easy to pull off in season one. (If the Batch wouldn't fight for Crosshair while he was literally under the Empire's control, why would they fight now when he's supposedly acting of his own free will? It's backwards in terms of the emotional effort involved.) But again, it could happen! I'd be very pleased if it did happen, despite the jarring change. I don't want to make it sound like I think they're going to write off Crosshair entirely. Far from it, I think there are too many details like his sad looks for that, to say nothing of Omega's compassion. But the execution of getting him on Team Good Guys again might be preeeetty bumpy. I expect it to revolve around Crosshair's sins and Crosshair's redemption, even if what I would like is balancing that with Crosshair's loss of agency, the Batch's mistakes, and their own redemption towards him.

Honestly though, I just hope that whatever happens happens soon. It's a personal preference, absolutely, but after a season of Crosshair as the antagonist, I'm ready for him to be back with the group, making the Empire (and bounty hunters) the primary enemy. Whether his return happens through a mutual acknowledgement of mistakes, or through Crosshair being depicted as the only one in the wrong who has to do something big to be forgiven... just get him back with the squad lol. Because if the writing isn't going to delve into that nuance, then the longer he remains unforgiven, the longer some of us have to watch a series while going, "Wait, wait, wait, I really don't agree with how you're painting this picture."

#TBB #The Bad Batch #SW #Star Wars #mymetas #long post

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orionsangel86 · 4 years

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Hey Everyone,

As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.

Long rambling post below the cut...

This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.

It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.

After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.

I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.

I hope she is doing fantastically today.

What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?

Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.

When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.

I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.

Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.

I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.

The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.

I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.

Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.

All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.

So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.

Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.

So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.

I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.

Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.

#personal #a goodbye message to fandom

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deviljho · 3 years

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hs on main but

i’ve been thinking a lot about post retcon vriska and the simply epic vriska vs (vriska) confrontation...

i think that before i actually reread the comic last year, my takeaway of it from hussie’s commentary in the books and just general fan analysis online was that it’s vriska showing her whole ass re: her deep seated self loathing & inability to self actualize and move past her trauma. which is actually a defining aspect of her personality (bc as much as she likes to pretend this isn’t the case it dictates so much of what she does) lmao. in the face of a version of herself, in this case, (vriska), who has done some of the work to unpack her issues and is “happy”, vriska goes sicko mode and vents that frustration on her dead alternate self. but i think it goes even deeper than that and i can’t stop thinking about it so allow me to go off for a bit:

first off i think it’s crazy to claim (vriska) is happy or working past her childhood issues...she’s become more aware of them, sure, which lets be real is HUGE for any vriska lol but her existence as a ghost forces her to experience an inertia which prevents her from actually taking that awareness and doing anything with it. this is especially highlighted in her relationship with meenah, who is too much of a self absorbed enabler to really help her. having given up on their heroic cause, they start dating because, it’s something to do. but it becomes completely stagnant, just like (vriska) herself, because there’s literally nothing there for (vriska) to bounce off of. vriska needs more than just someone to let her talk, and feel heard to grow and change as a person imo, but i do think being given the specific environment to do so obviously has changed her, just not necessarily for “the better”.

contrast this with retcon vriska, who is for all intents and purposes now the “real” vriska (and indeed, vriska herself clings to this idea). brought back from her death by terezi for a variety of reasons, mainly that terezi personally regrets killing her and is in love with her LOL but setting aside my vrisrezi agenda for a moment, terezi’s successful use of her seer of mind powers confirms in-story that bringing her back has strategic merit, and from a meta standpoint, narratively i felt like it really worked to reveal that vriska’s presence was needed to keep the meteor crew from falling apart, not to mention her psychic powers playing an important role in protecting the whole team from jade being possessed. i know some people dislike the retcon, but i love it for this simply epic twist tbh.

anyways...this retcon vriska is someone who canonically obsessed over their plan to defeat lord english for three years and had planned it all out to the last detail, she’s clearly taken the reigns on directing the team overall, and talks multiple times about “not having time for relationships” with the exception of being moirails with terezi which lets be real, is a hard friendzoning of their messy, quadrants-transcending relationship but again i digress...

vriska was brought back with a purpose, To Be The Hero That The Story Needs, and she’s more fixated than ever with completing this task, probably because in the epic story that she larps being a part of in her mind, successfully completing this mission is to empirically prove that she was worth bringing back, despite all the harm she’s done (and pretends not to feel badly about). vriska also desperately wants her suffering to MEAN something. we see this in her pesterlogs with john before she’s about to fight jack noir; she passes off having her lusus as a task “only really strong” children are given. i think this is why seeing (vriska) enrages her; she’s being confronted with the version of herself who she perceived as making the selfish choice to fight jack, who “deserved” to die for doing so, and on top of all that this (vriska) is now just sitting around in paradox spacing doing nothing and proving nothing to anyone?? i think it honestly has a lot less to do with (vriska) and a lot more to do with vriska obsessively reassuring herself that she’s doing the right thing, that she HAS to go through with sacrificing herself in a big epic moment for the good of everyone else because anything short of that means she’s failed at redeeming herself. vriska cannot accept that there is a version of herself who is okay with just “existing”, without deriving meaning and purpose from the abuse she suffered as a child and inflicted on her friends and countless innocent bystanders.

it’s markedly different from, for example, jade’s confrontation with her dead dream self which really is her being forced to look back on a younger version of herself who is (obviously) less experienced and or/traumatized. and i think it’s different from dave & davesprite’s interactions too, the small amount of them we get to see beyond like, ironic jokes. but imo this is bc jade and dave are markedly different from vriska. dave openly rejects the notion of glory and heroism, and avoids it whenever possible. jade is continuously forced to suffer for the sake of the timeline and the narrative, but is shown passively accepting this as simply things that “needed to happen”. personally imo in jade’s case i wanna chalk that up to bad writing on hussie’s part; it kind of sucks that jade never gets to unpack that in homestuck proper.

anyways. tbh the existence of both of those dead alternate selves imo further proves my theory that (vriska) is far from happy; the experience of being a dead alternate self is obviously extremely unsettling and depersonalizing. vriska is terrified of dying; her entire childhood was defined by this terror in a lot of ways and by the end of the session she’s died multiple times, pretty gruesomely. i think her hysterical woman(tm) rant is way more about psyching herself up and her own fears of failure than it is about seeing a supposedly “happy” version of herself. i don’t even think vriska can conceive of such a thing for herself; she has no sense of normalcy or purpose after the session to return to the way john, or like, kanaya has.

also interesting to note here is meenah as a foil for both of them; immediately after this fight meenah ditches (vriska) to join up with vriska after admitting (with some regret) that she’s a bad person. meenah doesn’t struggle at all with the self image issues vriska has, and though she may feel some guilt over ditching (vriska) just like she expressed guilt to john about becoming the condescence in a different timeline because it meant that she would probably end up killing all her friends back when (vriska) was first trying to rally up a ghost army, she ultimately acts in her self interest and doesn’t really lose sleep over it. in fact she will readily admit that she’s being an asshole and still do whatever she wants. contrast this with all of vriska’s grandstanding about not caring that she comes off as annoying and overbearing, and her overcompensation for that in the form of confidently insisting that the others “need” her.

my final comment is that,...coming back to the vrisrezi of it all, it’s obvious from terezi’s final pesterlogs to vriska before [s] terezi: remem8er that there was a ton of stuff left unsaid between them and presumably between vriska and the rest of the meteor crew as well because vriska spent 90% of the time bossing them around, either about their plans for the new session or just in general in what i like to think of as her loving nagging scorpio way lol. terezi clearly feels like she’s alone in “needing” vriska because even their relationship post retcon is strained, and vriska is so wrapped up in making plans and making sure she gets it right this time, and is already planning to die again out in paradox space. and then after all of this, her fate after her big epic moment is left offscreen for us to wonder about. which in and of itself is pretty narratively tragic for a character like vriska. it makes me honestly wonder how much of this they’re going to unpack in hs2 because tbh it’s pretty juicy. i would love to see a huge confrontation between terezi and vriska about vriska’s choices post retcon...and just in general what life post-session would look like for a person like her. through the epilogues and hs^2 we’ve seen what “normal” life has been like for terezi, and she obviously can’t let go of the past (or vriska. AUGH)...so who’s to say what’s in store for them? i wish we lived in a world where we would eventually find out, and we could see them continue to be each other’s foils in unpacking that but i don’t know if i have faith that the writers will explore it in a satisfying way lmao.

anyways that’s all i have, thanks for reading this if you did read it. i love vriska

#vriska meta #thats all this is really....i have more hs thoughts since i finished rereading it in november but tbh this is the condensed core of them #the vriska of it all...#homestuck meta

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oumakokichi · 4 years

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Hello I am the Tsumugi love hotel anon Thank you for answering my ask it's great to know that other people have the same problem Sorry if this sounds strange but it's hard for me to enjoy V3 without thinking about this I love Danganronpa and I like Tsumugi but this really really bothered me And I kinda don't want to assume that someone who created a series I like so much is like this I guess as a fan Do you have any advice? So sorry but I have this habit of overthinking things and just want help

Hi again anon! It’s not a strange question at all; this is sadly kind of a common dilemma to run into in most fandom spaces, and it’s perfectly normal to have conflicting feelings about these things.

The best advice I can give is to view everything through a critical lens. By this, I don’t mean “you can’t ever enjoy things casually” or “you have to hate the media you consume in order to be a Good Fan™.” I simply mean that it’s important to be aware that pretty much all media is going to be flawed on some level, and that it’s important to not brush aside those flaws when having a real discussion about the content we enjoy and consume.

Part of the reason why I love meta and analysis so much is precisely because it’s a really good way to sort through some of these more complicated feelings I have on certain topics. For as much as I love DR and as much as it’s been a huge source of enjoyment and comfort to me for quite a few years now, I’m never going to sit here and act like it doesn’t have its fair share of flaws. It’s certainly not for everyone, and I can completely understand why some people may not like it.

There’s a very fine line when discussing media too, between raising awareness that all media and content we consume is inherently flawed in some way, and simply dismissing it as okay because “well, everything is problematic in some way so it doesn’t matter.” These things do matter, and I feel like discussion of them is a very important part of critical analysis, especially when it raises awareness of potentially upsetting subject matter to people who may have been unaware of it before.

The entire love hotel scene with Tsumugi is undeniably in extremely poor taste, particularly when incest is a very real and terrible form of abuse that real survivors have suffered through. Seeing it used for nothing more than skeevy fanservice to pander to an otaku audience is deeply upsetting, particularly coming from a game that explicitly touches on the ways in which fiction can and does impact reality in very real, tangible ways.

It doesn’t help that the love hotel scenes themselves hang in a weird sort of limbo as far as their role in the game goes, either. There’s been a lot of debate in the fandom as to whether these scenes can even be considered “canon” on any level—and even if they’re not technically canon, which I think is a fair assessment given that none of the other characters even remember them after waking up and they have no real lasting impact on the plot, the decision to include them at all is still gross on some level.

In my personal opinion, the best way to determine how comfortable you are continuing to support a series or not, is to try and gauge authorial intent: why are these topics or themes included in this piece of media? What purpose do they serve? Are they contributing to a larger narrative by being included here?

To take a topical example… let’s compare this with Harry Potter. DR certainly has its flaws, and ndrv3 is no exception. Not only are certain unsavory “tropes” like incest played as either a punchline or a tool for fanservice, but even earlier parts of the series don’t hold up particularly well (like Chihiro’s “gender reveal”). These things are definitely not enjoyable parts of the narrative—but their presence in the narrative seems to stem from a larger issue of fanservice tropes in visual novels and anime overall, rather than some overarching attempt to either demonize any marginalized group or normalize harmful behavior in real life.

By contrast, through watching JK Rowling’s downward spiral on twitter in the last few years, we’ve seen her become more and more brazen about her hatred of trans people, and trans women in particular. Though she often attempted to brush these tweets aside at first as “middle-aged moments” or “accidents” where she wasn’t aware of the content being spouted by the people she was following, she’s become perhaps one of the most unapologetic T*RFs in the public consciousness.

No matter how much a series like Harry Potter may have shaped my and many other people’s childhoods in the past, it’s really impossible for me to go back to it nowadays as a trans individual. Re-reading the series with a much more critical eye shows that many of Rowling’s most harmful, offensive beliefs are not only something she spews on twitter every other month, but also downright woven into the narrative. Lines about “boys pretending to be girls to try and sneak into the dormitories” and Rita Skeeter’s “rather large, mannish hands” while she “disguises herself” to infiltrate the school premises just hit differently, knowing Rowling’s stance on trans issues and the disgusting harm that she advocates for with her huge platform.

I suppose that’s the biggest line I try to be aware of in deciding where I draw the line between enjoying a series while remaining critical of it, and just flat out refusing to support said series anymore. This line is understandably going to be different for different people, no doubt—but I think being mindful of what creators are actually doing with their platforms is the biggest indicator about the potential intentions behind their works.

The only other piece of advice I can think of to offer, and perhaps the most important one, is to simply support small creators with all the enthusiasm and love that you would for a large series. As long as we maintain a critical eye and awareness about the flaws within popular works like Danganronpa, I think it’s okay to keep enjoying said works. But there are so many content creators out there trying to contribute all kinds of meaningful works with better representation than anything we’ve seen in mainstream media, and it’s incredibly important to support these people so that their works can become better-known.

My best recommendation is to make sure you’re striving to support these smaller content creators: especially black artists and trans artists, who often get overlooked even when hashtags on twitter to support smaller artists are trending.

This sort of became a lengthier response than I was intending, but I felt your question deserved more of an in-depth look at the topic. I hope I was able to get my points across! Thank you for the question anon, and I really hope I could help.

#ask #anonymous #incest //#transphobia //

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five-wow · 4 years

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i watched 10.20! thoughts under the cut, as always.

steve running away from his memories in slow motion is how we start out and i should have expected that because i’ve seen this as a preview but still, oh gosh. (i also just have... so many things to say about all of the parental figures we’re shown steve is thinking of and all of their many, many failings, but that would turn into far too long a meta analysis of steve’s life to even start in on it now. (it makes me so mad though. urgh. you ruined a perfectly good human! look, it’s got, well, about a million issues, really. slow mo beach running means things are either romantic or very bad in fiction world, and i regret to say it’s not the former for steve.))

tani rolls over in bed and it’s empty but it’s empty because junior has been up making her a HUGE BREAKFAST. HE IS WEARING AN APRON. I AM IN FAVOR OF THIS.

i already know tani has some issues with self worth relationships and that they work it out at the end of the episode (i’ve seen the gifs of junior offering to be less sweet and tani telling him VERY RIGHTFULLY that he wouldn’t know how) so i’m not extremely worried, but ahhh, it’s still so sad to see junior put in all this adorable effort that tani fully deserves and tani just doesn’t know how to accept it. heartbreaking from both angles, nooo.

ALSO, tani says she usually just grabs a coffee on her way to work and junior says “yeah, and you’re usually late because of it” and i literally today wrote a paragraph for a fic where i claim that tani is usually first at the office these days (because danny forces steve and junior to sit down for breakfast with him), so way to debunk my writing, canon that i clearly should have just watched a week ago so i could have avoided this situation. :p

“i shouldn’t have asked you to stay over.” ack. no. junior’s face is breaking my heart now, too.

and then he STARTS CLEANING UP. jfc, boy, we already know you’re a saint, you don’t have to keep proving it when you’re looking like a kicked puppy.

ahhh i just realized that if danny is not in this episode because he’s... idk, visiting family again? and junior is staying over at tani’s place, then steve is home alone. that’s bad timing, guys.

ah, RIGHT. he’s not home alone, because gerard hirsch broke in and started drinking his coffee. i’m having flashbacks to sang min, ha.

fdjkfdjkfd okay, this is a good scene, though. eddie! steve’s faces! steve LEAVING THE THE DOORS UNLOCKED becuase he doesn’t like running with his keys! also what, he came in through the back door and he apparently leaves the front door open too, like... just in case? STEVE NO.

aha, danny’s on spring break with the kids! okay, danny, you know what, you forgot someone. home alone: fully grown navy seal edition.

hirsch: “so, i’m guessing reyrei is now official.” fjdkfd i never quite know how to feel when shows include shipnames in their canon because it’s usually very weird, but i appreciate the effort, i think!

i’ve genuinely enjoyed hirsch’s reappearance so far, but as soon as he took tani to meet his uncle (who is now a suspect in a murder cold case) i knew there was going to be an uncomfortable comment about tani being pretty and yes, yes, there was. i mean. i guess i got to enjoy being right?

hirsch: “i know from personal experience she does not respond to talk like that.” okay!!! you know what, i can actually work with that. hirsch is learning, developing, maybe ditching his grosser habits. as long as they’re not going back on that in this same episode, that’s good!

very convenient to have the guy you’re questioning already hooked up to a machine that tattles on his heartrate, haha.

tani: “he made me breakfast.” hirsch: “that monster!” i am. i am actually starting to like hirsch in this episode and it is very strange but very nice.

fjdkfdjk junior says that he knows for a fact that danny got everybody “one of those” (an alexa) for christmas, and i LOVE THAT because it’s wonderful continuity with 10.16, when steve calls on alexa to prove he’s going on a date and they make a whole point of mentioning that danny bought him the thing. also, though, danny, bud - i don’t know how great it is to give all of your friends the temptation to let amazon spy on their lives even more than it already does. maybe go for socks next year.

junior unloads on lou and then they have a tiny dance party in the car and that’s so unexpectedly cute, omg.

very random, but i just really appreciate duke. he’s been there from the very beginning and he’s still giving the team these valuable little bits of needed exposition on the regular. he’s very loyal and drama free and it’s always nice to see his face. shout out to duke.

the old roommate of hirsch’s uncle tells a story that sounds very accidentally incriminating for hirsch’s uncle, which probably means the roommate is the actual murderer. i’m calling it now.

the roommate actually SAYS the uncle was the murderer! ooooh. he’s definitely guilty now.

tani agrees with me!!! only she has some actual evidence to back this claim up apart from knowing how crime show plots work, because she is a Good Detective.

steve talks the grieving widow who was part of a diamond thieving couple down from the brink of killing her husband’s killer by telling her he knows what it’s like to lose “the most important person in your life” and it’s very obvious the writers are making a point here but it’s also very good!

though i did keep getting a little distracted by how perfect this woman’s hair was after running through the woods, lying on the floor half dead, spending most of the day in hospital and then going on a violent quest for revenge. damn. diamonds buy amazing hair products and a personal styling team on call for when you’re in the middle of a crime spree/emergency, i guess.

some eddie/hirsch hints here that i’m going to ignore because oh dear god no.

i??? from the gifs i saw i assumed that the episode would end with some kind of party in the mcgarrett backyard, but that’s not what is currently happening as such, so those string lights are just... always there? oh my gosh. i have no idea if we’ve seen them before and i’m only just now paying attention to it, but more importantly, i don’t know if i want steve to have put those up himself, or danny to have bought them and forced them on steve’s garden like he forced alexa on steve, except with less moral issues connected to a tech giant harvesting your personal data.

tani opens up and she’s crying and junior tells her he’s not going anywhere (duh) and I’M crying!

junior, mid-hug: “i could totally start being meaner, if that’s what you want.” I STILL LOVE THAT. that’s so stupid and so sweet and so stupidly sweet.

oh boyyy, while everyone is having their social moments somewhere in the house, steve is hiding out in his garage and listening to his father telling him not to be a cop on tape. AWESOME. I’M SURE THAT’S FUN AND OKAY AND NOT SETTING UP ANYTHING. this is also why this steve needs a danny in his life, because it’s definitely high time for some agressively caring emotional support to be forced upon this man.

annnnd he gets a call from a british guy who wants to hand deliver him a package from doris.

steve just. hangs up on the guy. omg. perfect. please keep doing that and maybe just, wait for danny and the kids to come home and hug them and take like, a little mental health break? instead of, you know, breaking your mental health, over stuff your mother did, again? gosh.

i will admit i really enjoyed hirsch in this episode! i did not see that coming (and it probably won’t make me like him more in previous episodes) but it was a delightful surprise. and TANI AND JUNIOR, ahhh, i am proud of them and their communication and i love them and junior is the best and tani is perfect. did i mention that i love them? i do. i love them.

(re: the steve angst, i refuse to get myself more worked up about that than i low key already am constantly, so i’m electing to mostly ignore it for now. i’ll see what happens next friday. whatever it is, it’s going to happen whether i want it to or not, so best to make it as painless for myself as possible.)

#h50 #10.20 #*

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