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elfwoodfae · 3 years

Note

Ima need you to write something filthy about Harry after he discovers y/n's erotic friend fiction about the team and learn what she really thinks about him.

Love, some one anonymous and your biggest fan

“Hurtful Lies” Harrison “Harry” Wells x reader

Author’s note: HUGE thank you to @wintersire for coming through and helping me keep Harry in character and help me edit and put together this story, honestly couldn’t have done it without her. Also I know is not exactly what you asked for but I could stop myself from the angst, I truly hope you like it. I loved writing it. I cried too while doing it.

WARNING: SMUT, ANSGT.

Gif credits to the owner, I found it on google.

4.5k

“Oh Harrison,” You moaned in his ear as he held you up against the wall, your legs tangled around his waist.

“I can’t wait to be inside of you,” He whispered, his hands going up your back and ripping open the fabric of your dress. His lips found yours, his teeth catching your bottom one, tugging on it for you to open your mouth.

His hand went down the curve of your ass to the inside of your thigh, feeling the heat coming from you.

“Every night since I met you I have dreamed about this moment, I've touched myself thinking of you, I adore you, everything about you.” You proclaimed against his mouth. He kissed you fiercely in response, savoring you.

You typed furiously into your computer, not wanting to lose the inspiration you had. This was your hobby, or more or less your practice into becoming a writer, and what better way to do it than writing about the center of your affections. Harrison Wells. Or more accurately, Earth 2 Harrison Wells. You had developed a hard crush on the man, everything about him drove you crazy, his hands, his hair, his lips, his back, and oh God did you wonder what was inside those pants; maybe that’s why he always wore them so baggy.

You could almost say it was an obsession at this point. At night, when you were alone, he was who you would think of while touching yourself, moaning his name. You wanted him so bad. It's gotten to the point where you would do anything for him, as scared as that thought made you.

Taking a break from typing and stretching your fingers, you leaned back to look at the screen and read over your writing. You wondered how long you've been writing for; it seemed like no time at all. When you catch the time you let out a curse. It was almost 8. and Cisco had insisted you all go out as a team for a very deserved family dinner at Barry’s place.

Saving the document and getting up from the computer you went over to your room, getting dressed up. While you readied yourself you heard a breach opening in your living room; Cisco was here to get you.

“I will be out in a minute! Get comfy.” You called out while struggling to fix the dress to make your breasts look more appetizing. Obviously you doubted Harry would notice, but at least you could dream he would. You had chosen a short float dress with an open back and low neckline, perfect for indiscreet kisses and flirty hands.

Back in the living room Cisco was moving through the apartment to get to the kitchen, leaving Harry, who had unexpectedly come with him, alone; something you were unaware of. The screen of your computer illuminated as a email notification appeared, catching Harry’s attention. He looked over and as he was about to dismiss it something called his attention back to it.

His name was written on whatever you were working on, moving towards it slowly he started to read it over, his eyes widening with every word he read. Just as he was about to scroll down the page the clicking of your heels could be heard, making him smack the screen down to hide what he was doing.

Trying to act normal he turned around, hiding his face from you and the blush softly creeping on it.

“Oh Harry, I didn’t know you had come with Cisco,” you said, looking at his back.

“He would take too long otherwise,” he grunted, unable to look you in the eye. His gaze stayed on your neck, trying to distract himself, but that was a mistake as he could see the way the dress hugged your body from his peripheral view. Memories of what you had written came to his mind as he wondered what it would feel like to run his hands up your back and take that dress off of you.

Clearing his throat he had to turn back around, hiding his hands in the pockets of his pants to try and hide something else triggered by the thought.

You took in his appearance. You don’t think you had ever seen him this formal, and for a moment he reminded you exactly of Thawne the night of the accelerator launch; his white shirt with a blazer on top, the first buttons open to show his skin, his black pants, and his hair; a little shorter and sharper on the sides. You wondered if this is what he looked like most of the time on his Earth; before zoom, when he was less worried about everything.

Cisco came back just in time from the kitchen, hurrying all of you into a breach to make it to Barry’s on time.

After the drinks started flowing, so did the good feelings; the atmosphere was joyful, everyone was having a good time, even Harry seemed relaxed in his own way.

As the night progressed and all of you sat around the living room, Caitlin asked about your project. She knew you had been working on a few pieces for a literature portfolio you had been building.

“Well I have been working on this piece I’m really excited about.” You said, causing Harry to suddenly choke on his drink.

“You good?” Cisco nudged him.

“Yeah yeah I’m just, I’m going to get some air,” he whispered getting up with his drink and walking over to the balcony.

Maybe it was the liquid courage the alcohol provided, or the fact that fate liked to play with you, but you suddenly felt brave enough to walk after him. You excused yourself quietly before following him into the cool night air.

“Hey,” you gently touched his shoulder. “Is everything okay?” You asked him with a kind smile. The one you always saved for him.

“Yeah, yeah, it's just a little crowded in there.” He lamely excused.

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I’ll be leaving soon, I think I had one too many drinks, I’ll ask Cisco to breach me.” You said as you turned around, ready to leave, but right before you went through the door his hand stopped you, grabbing your arm delicately.

“I can walk you, I’m leaving too.” He said. He was regretting this as the words were leaving his mouth but it was already too late, you had smiled at him and nodded, letting him know you were getting your purse and saying your goodbyes. He didn’t know where this had come from, certainly not from his common sense as he knew he shouldn’t be giving you any hopes after what he had read in your computer, but he couldn’t help it, the alcohol in his system made him think slower and not very clearly.

The walk home was quiet, only making small talk between you both. He didn’t know why he had offered to walk you, Cisco could have breached you easily. Once you made it to your door you turned around, facing him.

“Hey,” you started, trying to find a way to phrase what you wanted to ask him. This may after all be your only chance at this.

“Do you want to come in for a drink?” You asked him with a kind smile.

He shouldn’t stay, he should have said no and leave, he wasn’t thinking clearly and the consequences would prove to be devastating.

He nodded, too afraid of speaking and his words betraying him. He followed you inside, settling in the couch while you went to get some alcohol from the kitchen.

Serving him and yourself a drink you both settle on simple conversation, laughing and every once in a while you could see the way his eyes would fall to your lips.

Finishing your drinks, silence fell over you both, neither sure of what was supposed to happen, but the tension could be felt in the air. Softly, you moved closer to him, your hand finding his thigh as you leaned over him. He was studying you, his eyes on your lips. Slowly you touched his face, your lips connecting with his in a soft kiss.

He closed his eyes, his hands moving to the back of your neck as if by instinct, his lips pressed harder to yours, his teeth grazing your bottom one, prompting you to open your mouth. He had forgotten what it felt like to kiss someone else. His hands traveled down your back, feeling the soft skin of your back exposed by the dress. You moved to his lap, removing his blazer and playing with the buttons of his white shirt.

In a silent agreement you both decided to move this to the bedroom, you got up, offering him your hand for him to take and follow you. Once inside you turned around, kissing him again as you moved backwards towards the bed. His hands moved to the zipper of your dress, opening it and letting it fall of your form. There you stood, naked in front of him, only in your panties as you bit your lip, you looked absolutely stunning in his eyes.

He knew the only way he was being able to go through with this was because of the amount of alcohol in his system, and as he moved his hands to your waist to lean you back in the bed, kissing you, his breathing started to quicken. Heat spreading from the back of his neck to his shoulders. He was loosing focus on what he was doing.

Your hands moved to his pants, unbuckling them, opening the button of them and pushing them down, but the moment your hand touched his cock he lost it, he couldn’t do it. He started to panic, images of Tess came to his mind and his mind screamed at him that this was a betrayal to her memory.

Moving away from you quickly he turned around, trying to get himself back in his pants again.

“Harry?” You softly asked him, sitting up and covering yourself with the duvet.

“Hey it’s okay,” you tried again when he didn’t reply, noticing the way his breathing had quickened and he seemed to be panicking. Understanding came over you; he was probably nervous. You assumed he hasn’t been with anyone physically since his wife passed away.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you try again, touching his arm to reassure him, but the moment your skin touches his he flinched away from you.

“Don’t touch me” he says, getting up from the bed, his breathing quickening. He hasn't felt this way since Jessie was taken; the weight on his chest getting heavier every second he remained in your bedroom. He couldn’t explain why, but this sense of panic rose the moment he saw your face fall at him flinching away from you.

“Hey calm down, it's okay. I understand if you need time,” you began but he interrupted you with a breathy scoff. He was in a panic state now; he couldn’t think clearly anymore, he knew you knew what was happening to him, and somehow that show of weakness made the whole situation worse.

“What could you possibly understand, you're just a selfish brat. I don’t need you whoring yourself to me like you did to Thawne.” He spits quickly, not looking at you. He knew that seeing your face would be his last straw.

Your own panic becomes evident in the way your breathing changes. Tears pool in your eyes, so heavy that they start to fall without your consent. The hurt, the humiliation and embarrassment you feel at his words are obvious, how did he know what had happened with Thawne?

His panic dulls once his pants are securely covering him once more, clearing his head enough to allow him to process what he just said to you. He turns toward you, that feeling building once more but for a completely different reason this time. He shouldn’t have said that, he fucked up completely now. A sharp pain tugs at him the moment he sees your face; he went too far.

“No, y/n, I am,” he begins to say, he needs to fix this before is too late, but you close your eyes, whispering a quiet “get out”. When you open your eyes again, he is still there. He tries to reach for you but you dodge him, taking the blanket with you to the bathroom.

He tries to talk to you, to apologize, but by the way he can hear your sobbing from behind the closed door he knows there is nothing he can say to fix this, at least not now.

You stayed in the bathroom, sitting on the floor behind the door with your blankets around you until you heard the front door close, proving that he had indeed left.

How could he had done that to you? You had trusted him, you had trusted Harry to be different. You had never thought he could be so cruel, but once again you had been proven wrong and were hurt by two men wearing the same face.

Harry looks for you the next day. He needs to apologize, he needs to fix this because he can’t deal with the pain and guilt he is feeling now. He storms through the lab but he can’t find you. Eventually Ramon gets there, who informs him that you didn’t come today.

Harry seems to be in a even worse mood than before, yelling at everyone and throwing things every once in a while, a behavior he had overcome in his time on this earth.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” Cisco questions him, finally having been able to catch him.

He hesitates, unsure if telling Ramon what happened was the best idea but with how bad he screwed up he may need all the help he can get at fixing this.

“I, I made a mistake” he whispers, facing the white board he was writing on.

“Last night I walked y/n home, and we had a couple drinks and one thing led to another,” he says, fixing his glasses as he is unsure of how to continue.

“And” Cisco pushes.

“And we kissed and then I panicked, and I,” he sighs.

“Harry its okay." Cisco tries, but Harry doesn't face him. "Look, I am sure she didn’t take it personally.” Cisco stands and reaches out to pat his shoulder, trying to help Harry, but when he touched his arm he saw exactly what Harry said; he saw what happened, the way his words had affected you. He knew Harry had a temper but he never expected for him to be capable of being so hurtful, especially to you, who had been nothing but kind and understanding to him.

“Oh no Harry, what did you do?” Cisco quickly says, fear evident in his voice.

“What?” Harry says, turning to look at him.

“How could you had say that to her? How do you even know about Thawne?” Cisco demands, anger evident in his voice.

“I panicked Ramon, I wasn’t thinking when I said it.” He removes his glasses and rubs his eyes.

“I heard Barry talking about Thawne and he mentioned that he and y/n were seeing each other.”

“That’s not the worst part Harry, we never talk about what happened not because of him but because of her too.” Cisco begins, he takes in a breath before continuing.

“Barry and y/n were closer back then, they were always together, but when Barry found out about Thawne, he also found out that y/n and him had a relationship, he instantly thought that she knew who he was and he never gave her a chance to explain,” he sighs, his eyes lost in the memories of that day.

“He was going to lock her in the pipeline with him, but Joe stopped him. Thawne had told her that she had been nothing but a distraction and a way for him to have fun, that he had never loved her. Barry was sure she had betrayed the team as well and when she was trying to explain he called her a desperate slut and accused her of not caring that he was a murderer." Cisco looks to the side, lost in the memory. "I still remember her face, the tears and how Joe had to intercept because he had crossed the line. After he locked her up, Thawne confessed that y/n was innocent, that she never knew who or what his intentions were.” Cisco proceeded explaining, making Harry only feel worse and worse by the second.

“Even when Barry apologized and she explained everything they never recovered, they never were as close as before and the team was not the same after that.” Cisco finished. God had he screwed up.

“I need to fix this Ramon,” Harry said, rubbing his forehead.

“I don’t honestly think you can do anything to fix this. I’m sorry Harry, but I think you can only give it time.” He said.

As the week progressed you had manage to avoid Harry at all costs, working on a lab far away from the cortex and completely opposite from him. You had expected to feel better by now, but his insult had only revived the memories buried in your mind, every time you looked at him now you could only see the original Wells, you could only see Thawne because the difference between both in your head had been completely erased after that night.

It took a week for Harry to finally corner you; he knew you were avoiding him, and he was trying to give you space, at least the first few days but every time you seemed to get a glance of his presence you would flee. He knew he deserved it.

When you made it home that night, after changing and settling down on the sofa you tried to relax, in all honesty the anxiety of the whole situation had made you too tense and too anxious to even be able to properly function that week.

As you switched between channels trying to distract yourself, you heard the telltale signs of a breach opening behind your couch. Cisco knew what had happened, he had hugged you as you cried that first day back after the incident.

“Cisco I am fine, I will be fine in a couple days” you added without looking back.

“It’s not Cisco” his raspy voice said, almost in a whisper and you instantly froze, not wanting to see him.

He noticed the way you tensed, how you wouldn’t turn around to see him.

“What are you doing here?” You whispered, tears threatening to fall.

“Please let me fix this, I am so sorry,” he began.

You looked at him, and as he took a step closer to you, you flinched away. He could see the fear in your eyes and that only hurt him more, he knew he deserved this, how could he blame you? He was wearing the same face as the man who once hurt you the same way he had done, in your eyes there was no difference between himself and Thawne.

He moved closer, slower this time, afraid to scare you away.

“I am so sorry,” he said again, trying to find the right words to make you understand that he hadn’t meant it.

“The other night, I, I panicked, I,” he couldn’t explain himself. Eventually he gave up and sat on the edge of the couch, giving you a wide berth. He took a deep breath.

“Her name was Tess,” he begins, closing his eyes at the tears he knows are coming.

“I know you know of her from the other one, but she was mine. My amazing, beautiful wife.” You only looked at him, allowing him to explain himself.

“When Jessie was 5, Tess got sick. We couldn’t figure out what was happening, she only lasted a couple more months.” He had removed his glasses by now, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

“After she died I became a bitter man; I was angry and broken. I couldn’t rebuild my life without her.” He continued, his eyes focus on the memories.

“That night, was, that night was the first time since her that I had allowed myself to be with someone, and the moment you touched me I panicked, my mind screaming that I was betraying her.” He finished.

You could see the pain in his eyes, the way the tears fell down his cheeks. You had never seen Harry so vulnerable.

Now you felt sorry for him; you could understand his panic.

“I know that’s not an excuse for what I said or how I treated you and I’m not asking you to forgive me but I needed to explain to you. I owed you that much.” He finished.

“Harry,” you began, trying to clean your face from your own tears.

“Harry I forgive you, I just,” you continued, looking up to clear your eyes of the tears trying to fall again.

“If you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about you, you could have told me,” you said.

“That’s the thing, I have dreamt of you since the day I met you, I have wished to be able to move forward but I’m stuck, guilt eating me alive.” He said.

If there was ever any doubt in your mind of Harry being the same as his evil doppelgänger it was gone now. This man had suffered so much, he deserved to be happy and after finding someone who could help him he had locked himself away.

Standing up, you moved in front of where he was sitting, tangling your hands in his hair and bringing his face to your stomach, hugging him. His puppy eyes watched your every move, his hands instantly went around your waist, holding you, allowing himself to feel you.

“Harry, I know that you loved her very much, and I could never pretend or try to replace that love you had for her,” you began, trying to phrase what you wanted him to understand.

“Harry, she would want you to be happy, to keep living.” You said, rubbing your fingers softly through his hair.

“Your mind is lying to you, this is not a betrayal, you could never betray that love” you finished.

You felt him nod his head, still hugging you. His hands tightening around you. You stayed like that for a few minutes, letting him process your words.

His hand moved tangled in your shirt, pulling you down to his lap, allowing him to hug you closer, your arms went around his neck as he held you, burying his face in your hair.

“Would you give me a second chance?” He whispered against your skin, he needed to move on, to show you how much he cared for you.

“Harry, I” you began, scare that if you did he would hurt you again, you wouldn’t be able to get over that if it happened again.

“Please y/n, I need to show you how much you mean to me, please” he begged you, planting a soft kiss to the side of your neck.

“Only if you are sure you want to go through with this, to see where it could lead us” you told him, aware of the risk you were taking.

“I am” he confirmed, his hands running up your back.

Your own hands tangled again in his hair, pulling him to you, your lips connecting, softer this time, slower, he was taking his time exploring your mouth. You broke away from the kiss, looking at him while removing his glasses and putting them aside, leaning back down to kiss him.

His hand went under your shirt, caressing your back, feeling the soft skin as his kisses became hungrier. He moved his mouth across your jawline, delivering soft kisses and moving down your neck, obtaining a few sighs from you, his lips leaving a trail of open mouth kisses.

He got up slowly, tangling your legs around his waist he moved you both to your bedroom. Leaving you back down against the bed, removing his jacket before lowering himself on top of you.

This time his mind was clear, his only focus was you. To show you how much he wanted you and needed you. His hands found the hem of your shirt, looking at you for consent before removing it. He took the time to admire you, looking at every detail of your skin. He lowered himself, kissing your neck, the top of your breast as his hands ran up your waist, squeezing slightly before moving to your breast, caressing them and feeling the softness of them.

Your hands removed his shirt, aching to feel him bare against your skin. You moved your hands to his shoulders, feeling the way his muscles tensed and how they relaxed when you moved your hands down his back, his kisses trailed up back to your neck, kissing and nipping at the skin while his hand moved to caress your leg, running up your thigh to your ass, squeezing it and feeling how your body reacted to his touches.

Your hands moved to his pants, opening them but leaving them like that, giving him the option to remove them himself whenever he felt ready.

His hands found the hem of your underwear, once again he looked at you, wanting to make sure you still wanted this, you nodded while he removed them, his hand trailing back up to feel you, feel how soft you were and how wet he was making you. He groaned once his hand connected to your center, feeling the slickness covering his fingers as he moved them across your entrance, he love the way you moaned for him, throwing your head back. He buried his face in your neck at the same time his finger moved inside of you, opening you up for him. You gripped his hair as his lips sucked a mark onto your skin. Soon after another finger found its way inside of you; he was getting you ready. He curled them inside, making a long moan fall out of you as your eyes rolled back in your head. He could feel the way you pulled him in, how you squeezed him and dripped on his fingers. He moved them faster, grinding his palm onto your clit, drawing an orgasm out of you. He wanted you to come first, knowing that he wouldn’t last long.

He felt you tightening around his fingers, as you lifted yourself on your elbows, coming while moaning into his mouth.

He helped you ride out your orgasm, taking in the face you made for him, the way your eyes looked up at him half lidded and your teeth caught your lips to stop the moans from coming out. He adored the way you looked, how warm you felt against him.

He quickly pulled his pants down along with his underwear, letting his cock free. He grabbed it, feeling it throbbing in his hand, the head moist from the precum that had leaked out.

He stroked himself a few times before moving the head against your entrance. His arms trembling when he started to push in. He closed his eyes as he bottomed out, groaning against your skin as the feeling of your warmth surrounding him. He started to move slowly, lifting you to pull almost completely out before dropping you down again. He kissed your neck, biting softly at it, trying to distract himself to last a little longer. He doubted he would after so long. You felt so warm and divine around him. His pace quickened, hearing you moan while he grunted, feeling his orgasm building up. He was close, he could feel his muscles tingling and his cock ready to burst in you.

Your hands found his face, holding his cheeks to bring him to you, kissing him as he started to come inside, having to break himself from your mouth to moan into the air. That was a sigh you never wanted to forget. He moved himself to rest against your chest, hiding his face in your neck and breathing you in while your hands played with his back. He hadn’t felt this calm, this content in such a long time. He loved the peace you brought him, and he promised himself that no matter what, he would never hurt you again, he would keep you safe, he would love you and cherish you for the rest of his days if you would have him.

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julyarchives · 3 years

Text

Don’t You Hear Me Howling? || (M) || 01

Finding out you are a female Alpha sparkled some rivalry inside your pack, and resulted in you losing your best friend and your life turning upsidedown, so leaving for college was the fresh start you needed. Years later, you are about to finish your degree and suddenly this past comes back to mess with your head.

→ Pairing: Yeo One x Female Reader | Kino x Female Reader

→ Genre: Smut; A/B/O AU; Omegaverse; College AU.

→ Words: 3.4K

→ Contains: Mentions of Alcohool; Power Play; Hair Pulling.

→ A/n: Hey guys! So this is our new multi-chaptered story! We have never written this kind of AU before, so please be kind if you spot any mistakes and feel free to educate us. This story will follow cisgender real-life anatomy (a.k.a. it won’t have knotting, mpreg and changes of those sorts). This took us out of our comfort zone and we enjoyed writing it so much that we couldn’t wait any longer to share it with you guys. We hope you all like it as much as we do!

→ Index: 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • 06 • 07 • 08

Changgu and you have been friends since before you could remember. You grew up in the same pack, Changgu being the firstborn of the alpha. It was obvious to everyone that he was going to be Alpha as well, the next one to take over the pack when his dad steps down. You two grew up as best friends, and the consequence of being brought up together with an alpha-to-be is that you end up getting some of his personality traits. You were very stubborn and territorial, often getting into trouble for feeling jealous when someone tried to approach your friends. But it was all brushed off as you just mirroring your friend.

Changgu got his first heat at the age of 15, and everyone celebrated the fact that his scent was very much dominant. Everyone started treating him differently, even your other friends in common, but to you, he was the same old Changgu, and one more time your lack of responsiveness was just “she just didn’t get her heat yet, I bet she’s going to change in a few years. I swear, those two will end up marrying”

You heard that since you were a child, and for a while you let yourself believe that. He was your best friend in the world, so why not? You would be his omega, fine, he’s always treated you nicely, so it wasn’t the worst idea. You two remained friends, even though he was becoming a different person each day, cockier and sometimes even rude, growling and bossing everyone around. You were the only one that never took his shit, but he never seemed to mind that

Until the day of your first heat. It was all the pack would talk about. You were in your senior year, and when everyone realized that your scent was much stronger than Changgu’s it was a shock. It took a while for you to believe that you were really an Alpha, and to understand what that meant for Changgu. He was actually a Beta, that’s why everyone assumed he was an Alpha when you didn’t have your scent. It explains his personality and yours being so similar. It explains everything.

At first, you didn’t think it was that big of a deal for your friendship, but Changgu suddenly started hating you. You two had plans to go to college together and even live together at some point, but after he found out he wasn’t the Alpha, he redirected his frustration towards you. As an Alpha, you could hold him back sometimes, stopping him from being the worst dickhead. But sometimes you just let it go for the sake of the friendship. He wasn’t willing to do the same.

Once you two moved out to college, it was the breaking point. He stopped talking to you at all, barely acknowledging your presence when you two came across each other in the hall.

Eventually, you just gave up and accepted you weren’t friends anymore. He found his omega friends where he could be the dominant one, and the fact that he provoked heat in them gave him quite a reputation on campus. You were fine, though, have moved on with your life, and last year to graduate as a chemical engineer, developing a research thesis on the studies of blockers and those types of hormones.

This thesis was so important for you because it's a pioneer one in blockers for female Alphas, using plant based hormones to help block scents but not body growth, actually helping with it, so females can not be jeopardized by smaller body structure than males. Your life was hard because of that condition, that's why changing that for future Alpha Women meant so much to you, and nothing could stop you from achieving your biggest goal in life.

All of that didn’t stop you from developing certain anger towards him for abandoning you just for some stupid hierarchy shit.

It was a particularly shitty day. All your lab experiments went wrong, and you got so out of control when a girl tried to help that you actually lost it and growled so loud that caused everyone in the room to stop immediately what they were doing and lower their heads towards you.

You just sighed, holding back all your instincts, and left everything behind. Rushing through the way to your apartment, you stumbled onto Wooseok

“Wow, (y/n), what is going on? I could feel chills all the way across the yard” He held onto your shoulders, towering his 1.9m over you.

Another growl escaped your lips, his touch was not doing you any good. He just released you, holding his own hand behind his back and muttering an apology. Wooseok is an omega from your pack, one of the friends you used to have in common with Changgu. You guys never lost touch, especially because he was a very submissive omega. But overall, a good friend.

“Everything is going to shit today, I got caught in the rain, my experiments went wrong, I frightened everyone in the lab and I’m pretty sure I’m getting my rut soon, so help me God if anyone else fucking touches me I will have a fit.”

“Oh, I see.” He twisted his lips “Let’s throw a party, my frat house is always down for a rager. You can find a nice unmarked person to have your fun with, and getting wasted as a bonus”

“That’s why you are my favorite omega” you reached up above you and patted his hair, and his reaction was smirk proud of himself “see you tonight.”.

Wooseok’s frat was huge. He lived with about 9 other boys, and they were known for having the best parties, so you had high hopes for tonight. The place was already crowded and the music loud. You quickly looked around searching for your friend, with no problem finding him, given his height.

“Hey, you made it!” he said when you approached, and introduced you to his group of friend “guys, this is my Alpha (y/n)”

One guy chuckled, you looked directly at him

“She’s your Alpha?” he asked, condescendingly, eyeing you up and down.

Your smile quickly faded.

“Got a problem with that?” You lifted one brow, crossing your arms in front of your chest

“Nothing, your just…” He looked at Wooseok, then at you “short.”

Alphas are usually the tallest of the pack. You weren’t. Being a female Alpha was already difficult, harder to be respected, and your height has always been a reason to be discredited of your position, you always took shit for that. You hated it.

Your blood boiled, everyone around you could feel it, it was easily noticed how everyone flinched. Your eyes were fixated on the boy, ready to jump at his throat. How could he be so disrespectful to an Alpha?

“Shouldn’t have said that, man” Wooseok said immediately

You growled hand curled into fists. You started to move to go against the boy, but a hand caught your wrist.

Changgu was looking at you seriously, a very concentrated frown, though not a mad one, just focused. You two didn’t exchange words, just stared at each other for a while. As your Beta, the influence he has on you due to your connection is undeniable. With just that look, he meant “I got this”. And you trusted him.

The stupid boy had his head lowered still, he knew he fucked up. Everyone was paying attention to what happened, your scent probably stronger than ever. Changgu released you.

“C’mon, get away from here. And learn to have some respect” He smacked the boy in the back of the head.

You were now calming down, and feeling embarrassed for causing a scene right when you arrived. You turned to Wooseok, who was watching you attentively.

“Get me to the booze, would ya?” You asked, and he just nodded and obeyed.

Arriving at the kitchen, Wooseok passed you a can of beer.

“I’m sorry for him, he was a jerk” he said, starting the conversation

“It’s alright, I’m used to it, honestly. Just lost my head because of everything today, I told you.”

“I know. I’m sorry”

“Yeah, it’s ok.” You took a long sip. Staring straightforwardly, you continued, not daring to look at Wooseok for the next sentence. “Didn’t know Changgu was going to be here”

“You didn’t? He moved in this semester.” He said carefully., knowing your history. “I was hoping you two wouldn’t stumble onto each other, it is a big party, it had a chance of happening.”

“Lucky me, my Beta senses my every feeling like a radar” you said with irony.

“At least he stopped you from committing a homicide in my house” your friend joked.

“Shut up” you punched his arm lightly.

Encountering Changgu was something else entirely. This was the most he acknowledged you in years. You do understand, though, that it was a natural reaction, very instinctive. No matter how much time you spend apart, if you two are near enough, he will sense every strong feeling of yours and act as your right arm.

You hated that he was looking good. He recently dyed his hair a pale blond, his cut-out black tank top displaying his strong arms were very sexy, his piercing dark eyes staring directly at you, knowing your every feeling. God, you bet the sex would be amazing, and…

“Erm, y/n,” Wooseok shifted “You horny very out loud”

“Oh,” you adjusted yourself “Sorry” you laughed.

The downside to being an alpha about to get your rut is that everyone around you gets horny. Even without you want to.

“I’ll fix that, let me introduce you to someone”

Wooseok guided you to the crowd. Your eyes immediately found Changgu’s again. You couldn’t keep off of each other’s now. Years without any kind of contact were replaced by his touch and all the mental talk you just had. Now the bond grew stronger. It was inevitable to find each other no matter where, and it was pissing you off. You wouldn’t be the one to cave in, not at all. He was the one who put distance between the two of you, so he will be the one to change that if he wants.

Wooseok moved out of the way, letting one of his friends stop in front of you.

“y/n, this is Kino. Kino, this is y/n, the one I talked about earlier today.”

“It’s nice to meet you, y/n” he smiled at you, reaching his hand respectfully.

He was cute. He seemed young and cheerful, yet his eyes hovering you all over showed his intentions were beyond cheerful.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Kino” You dragged his name, sounding good on your lips.

He smelled like fresh strawberries, the scent filling up your nostrils very intoxicatingly. He was in heat. Just what you needed exactly. You had to remember to thank Wooseok later.

“I’ll leave you guys to it” Your friend excused himself, probably overwhelmed with the number of pheromones in the air.

“So, I’ve never been with a female alpha before. This should be fun” He grinned, his flirty personality enticing you

“Well, I guess there’s a first time for everything” You winked at him.

“Better not waste time, then” He reached for your hand, which you gladly allowed him to, and he guided you away from the crowd.

As you approached the empty hallway that led to the bedrooms, you stopped and backed Kino against the wall.

“Your scent is driving me crazy” You said in a low seductive voice, pressing your body against his.

His immediate reaction was to hold your waist and pull you closer, Hips rubbing together so you could feel his bulge through his jeans

“I could say just the same.” was the last thing he said before closing the distance between you two.

He kissed you hard and hungry, contrasting with his soft lips. His hands immediately slither inside your shirt, his warm touch burning trails against the skin of your back. Your nails lightly grazing against his neck, using your palms to cup his face and dominantly guide him to kiss you as you pleased. He was more than compliant.

“Shall we move this to the bedroom?” you said between pants. He looked amazing with his hair messy from the way you grabbed him, and lips in a pretty shade of pink, plump and swollen.

He just nodded, chest rising up and down fast.

This time you took his hand and pulled him to the nearest door you could find, luckily it led to a bedroom.

“Sit.” you ordered shortly and he quickly obeyed.

He sat at the edge of the bed, legs spread, leaning back supporting himself on his arms. He looked absolutely gorgeous, his eyes following your every move as you walked towards him and stood in between his knees.

He sat up, hands reaching under your shirt and pushing it up oh so slowly, taking his time feeling you. He looked at you with lust in his eyes. After he discarded your top, he planted slow wet kisses across your stomach, his hand working on the buttons of your jeans. He took the chance to take in your alpha scent, that’s when you say his pupil dilating, taking over almost his whole iris.

“You’re so gorgeous” he said, tugging your pants down. You caressed the top of his head, running your fingers through his hair.

“undress” you commanded him again.

When both of you were left naked, you straddled him, kissing him passionately as he grabbed your ass, grinding you against his bulge. You pushed him to lay down, not wasting time to sink down on his dick. Both of you couldn’t handle waiting any longer. You started riding him and he immediately started moaning and groaning high pitched in a small voice that turned you on even more. He carved his nails on your thighs as you kept the fast pace.

He started rocking his hips up, following your movements, getting deeper inside of you, and hitting just the right spot to make you scream.

“Fuck, baby, keep doing just like that” you told him in between moans

Kino moaned louder at the pet name. You opened a smug smile.

“Like being called that, huh?” you ask and he nodded, moaning your name “like being my baby boy?”

He muttered a few curse words and your name repeatedly.

“That’s right, baby, keep being loud for me. Sounds so good” You kept encouraging him.

He looked fucked out already below you. His sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, a blush spreading across his cheeks, and his mouth hanging open.

You leaned down, not stopping moving your hips, to kiss him again, you just couldn’t resist. The harder you kissed him, the closer you got to your high. The arousal pooling in your core the harder he thrust into you. Soon like that you were coming hard and loud, and you thanked the loud music, otherwise, everyone would have heard you. Kino fucked hard, just the way you like it, and it got you exactly what you needed, obeying your every order like a good omega.

But he wasn’t done yet.

You got off of him, laying in the bed on all fours and he soon was inside you again, taking you from behind with loud skin-to-skin sounds, his moaning getting louder and louder.

“Pull my hair, Kino” you managed to say.

He quickly grabbed it in a make-do ponytail, pulling it so it hurt how you wanted, making you hiss in pleasure. But it got him too confident.

“Fuck, y/n, it feels so good like that” he said and followed with a light slap on your ass.

It got you snarling.

"Oh no, don't think you're in charge.” you warned “Hit me again and we're done, baby boy"

He muttered a quick apology between gasps.

Being put back in his place, Kino was working his hips enthusiastically now, while you backed it up against him. He definitely knew what he was doing. He took you by surprise when he reached below you for your clit, rubbing it in circular motions in sync with his thrusts. You buried your head in a pillow, muffling the high-pitched grunts leaving your throat due to the overstimulation, but you were loving every second of it. Kinos thrusts started to become more sloppy and faster, indicating he was about to cum. You both reached your high at the same time, the pheromones boosting it, making it the most intense orgasm you had in a long time. Curses and names being thrown around by the both of you, his hands digging in your hips while yours twisted the sheets around.

Kino collapsed by your side at the same time you laid down on your back. He approached and kissed you again, this time not so urgent, but rather slow and sensual. His hand now patted your side softly, causing small goosebumps to rise on your skin. He kissed down your neck and buried his nose on your hair, taking in your scent

“You did good…” you started teasing “baby boy”

Kino grinned, proud of himself.

“You were pretty amazing yourself.” he answered, biting his lip.

You hugged him closer, letting him cuddle you and enjoying the way he smelled as well. Strawberries will never be the same, you chuckled to yourself. You knew that for an omega, being with an Alpha was overwhelming, so you knew, that, even if the sex wasn’t the kinkiest, the aftercare was necessary.

You took the opportunity to get to know each other better. You learned that he is a dance major, which explained the flawless hip work, and he was 2 years younger than you, which was a first for you. Nevertheless, he was good company. After exchanging your numbers, agreeing to repeat the latest activity would be good both for your rut and his heat, and a quick makeout session, you both got dressed and headed back to the party due to the need for beverages.

The party was still at its high point, everyone was drunk and dancing like no one was watching. Kino and you earn a few lingering looks for showing up smelling so strongly like pheromones and sex. But you didn’t care, you were used to it. You two found a good spot on the dance floor and you told him to stay there, so you would get drinks for them.

Back at the kitchen, you quickly grabbed a pair of red cups with a blue vodka that god knows what flavor it was. When you were heading out, someone blocked your way purposefully.

“What do you want, Changgu?” You lifted your head, staring at him face-to-face, Alpha and Beta matching heights.

“So I am left to clean up your mess while you go around and fuck the first guy you see in front of you?”

You thanked whatever bigger force that the kitchen was empty, you didn’t want to cause another scene, but Changgu was getting on your nerves.

“Oh that’s so sweet, you think that was about you?” You spilled ironically.

“Just get your shit together before I have to rescue your ass for you to grind it on someone else” He said, trying to get the upper hand.

“I don’t know if you forgot, but I’m still your fucking Alpha, so back the fuck off before talking to me like that. I didn’t need you to come to rescue me of anything, I’m pretty sure I can handle myself. And finally,...” you looked at him up and down “Why do you care who I grind on? Upset it’s not on you?”

He curled his hands in fists, staring at you with that same frown, only this time you knew he was pissed. You got closer and whispered at him.

“Next time, all you have to do is ask, sweetheart.” You bit your lips into a grin.

You backed out to stare at him again when you saw Kino approaching.

“Y/n!” he called you, Changgu immediately snapped his head to look at him, fuming. “Is everything okay?” He stared between you and Changgu, defensive mode ready to fight in case needed.

“Don’t worry, baby” You said to Kino, but actually staring at your Beta, who was gritting his teeth at you “Changgu was just leaving.”

You walked past him, bumping your shoulders on the way, and heading back to the dancefloor with Kino.

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angeli-marco-writes · 3 years

Text

Elizabeth Debicki - Gorgeous

A/N & WC - Back again with Elizabeth and Taylor Swift. Reputation is my favourite album currently, with evermore as a close second. Two incredible women in one yes please. Listen to 'Gorgeous' while reading for the feel of it. 2.8k exactly.

Warnings - Legal alcohol consumption, mild cursing once.

Summary - Elizabeth is gorgeous, just look at her, the world can see it. A drunken night leads to some tipsy confessions, but does Elizabeth feel the same?

“YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS…”

“What was that?” Elizabeth swiftly cuts in.

Your eyes grow wide in an instant, looking down intensely at the black table, sticky with spilt drinks, and turn your attention away.

“Nothing…” you trail off. Frankly, you hadn’t realised you were thinking aloud, but if you said what you were thinking, then tonight's girls night out with your best friend is gonna be a whole lot harder.

“So as I was saying, this guy from Bumble, he comes and he looks nothing like his profile picture, right?” Her eyes are so animated when she speaks, her jaw agog in a remembering shock, she taps at her glass with ebony painted fingernails. “Like his picture was a solid eight outta ten, but in person, not even a four. But there was something about him, you know? That little twinkle in his eye, so I gave him more of a fair shot than I do other catfishes.” You hum noncommittally, not necessarily listening to the words, but the soft undulating animation in her beautiful accent is worth listening to any day, even if just hearing about her going on a date with someone riles you up intensely. “No personality,” she gapes, smacking her lissom hands down on the table with a slight thump, causing some of her wine to spill. “Absolutely none! It was like talking to a brick wall for half an hour. Can you believe it? And he asked what part of Australia I was from, and when I said Melbourne, you know what he said? ‘Is that in New Zealand.’”

She scoffs, and downs the last of her wine. Her magnetic field is so strong, so alluring, you can’t help but feel drawn to her even more. She really should think about the consequences of her charisma or else you might snog her and ruin everything before the nights even over.

“What a dick,” you play along.

“Ugh, I know. Refill?”

“Please. Whiskey—”

“On ice. I know, hon.”

She smirks, shooting you a wink before standing up and practically gliding across the room to the bar. Your eyes twinkle with hope, with sinful want, as you watch her, and you’re sure that with your wistful expression and flushed cheeks and the way your mouth suddenly goes dry the second she says or does anything that could be construed in the least bit flirtatious that she knows how much you like her. Your whole body tingles, your words and sense swallowed up by an intense fire the second she touches you, it’s beginning to make you furious that she’s able to make you feel this way and still acts so coy about it if she even does have the first clue how utterly besotted you are with everything she does.

Over at the bar, Liz has to hunch to lean her forearms on the countertop, kicking her feet back a little, her short dress showing off her long, shapely legs with grace. She looks so sultry, with her leather jacket shrugged so casually over her pale shoulders. But your mind and illicit thoughts plummet and die the second you peer around her and capture a look at the bartender she’s talking to. Tall and that muscular build of slim that only comes from years of sport, a pinched waist and full chest, tanned skin—perhaps of Filipina descent, dark inky hair falling in tendrils from her work ponytail, no makeup and she still looks stunning. And exactly like Shay Mitchell. And she's flirting with your Elizabeth. Not that she’s yours or anything, that would be absurd, unless…

This woman is gorgeous, and you’re already jealous of her, of the attention she’s receiving from Elizabeth; the suggestive touches, the coy laughs, the revealing tug of her dress, the tentative tilt of her head, the run of her slender hand through her choppy blonde locks. But because Liz is single, it’s actually worse, because she’s been a lot more open and experimental with her sexuality recently, not labelling it but trying more out, trying more partners out. And you don’t fault her for that for even a moment, but why she can’t experiment with you, a raging queer, is beyond your grasp. It’s almost undoubted that she’s going to be taking this incredibly scorching hot bartender home at the end of the night, and if you weren’t out with Elizabeth, you’d be making the same move. But Liz… she desperately needs to think of the consequences of her touching this romans hand in a darkened room. That should be you.

You can’t get too possessive, though, as Liz has done her fair amount of touching you all night on this signature girls pub crawl, but it’s not the same, it’s not… enough. She’s been holding your hand, hooking her arm through yours to do shots, hugging you with her lithe arm around your waist as you totter down the high street in heels too high. It’s all been too friendly, though. And now it’s getting late, your final destination of the night. You’re practically the only patrons with a conscience at this point. You’ll be turning in soon, the bar will be closing soon, it’s inevitable. Liz will have a warm bed, and you’ll be left to go home alone to your cats. She’s so gorgeous, you can't blame the bartender, but she can’t blame you wither; love made you crazy.

You’re busy brooding over the ice slowly melting at the bottom of your glass, condensation forming in droplets on the rim when Liz casts a glance over her shoulder, a bright beaming smile etched upon her face, every line drawn up to match her glee. She points a long raven-painted digit at you, and prompts you to smile back, which you do—without even half as much fervour—and ensure you incline your head towards the bartender, whose dark hazel eyes are now fixed on you, before turning back, pretending to have found something of interest on the table.

“That’s y/n,” she says in a happy, furtive whisper, “my best friend.”

With her ocean blue eyes looking in yours, your mind is all scrambled, and with the intense feeling you might sink and drown and die, you know you need to get it in order before she returns, so you push your own stool out and head to stand in the doorway, fresh air hitting you like a brick wall.

The smell of the city instantly prevents it being worthwhile.

The sun set long ago, and you can see vines crawling up the building across the road from you, even in the dim street light and shadows. Even in a tucked away corner of the city, down back streets in a quiet quarter, the incessant incense of exhaust fumes and chippy food and pigeon shit never quite leaves one alone.

Everything’s winding down, quietening, muffled by an indelible blanket of night. A soft mist fills the air, an impending storm infiltrating your senses, roiling you a little. The walk home will be made worse by the rain soon to fall, ire digging at you for more reasons than one.

Elizabeth… She can make you so happy with one simple look that it turns back to sadness the moment you see the flicker of friendliness in her eyes, never anything more, never anything deeper, not once. What can you say? She’s gorgeous, she’s everyone else's for the taking, whoever she deems rakish enough to take home for the night.

The silence of the night, of your thoughts, is hewn by a sharp siren whizzing past you, so you push your pain away, and sidle back through the doors, shutting the slow drizzle of rain out as you close the door behind you.

Once you return inside, your thoughts slightly more reordered, you see her back at the table, fiddling idly with the hem of her dress, her cheeks tinted a soft red.

“So?”

“I got her number,” she confesses, barely able to bite back a smile, even as her perfect white teeth graze her lower lip. “She gets off shift in an hour.”

You were right, then.

“That’s nice. She’s hot.”

“I know,” she replies dreamily, “and looks exactly like Shay Mitchell, can you believe it? I fancied her so much when Pretty Little Liars first came out.”

“Yeah, I did too.” you admit quietly, clasping your hands around your fresh whiskey.

“You okay? It’s getting late, we can head off now.”

“Nope, absolutely fine. In fact, I think I’ll have another. Tell me something.”

“But we haven’t talked about you all night, I wanna know how your life is going. Love life too.” she protests.

What, your life with the monotonous job and the zero romantic prospects so you spend all your free time sitting at home reading and the nights with your vibrator and Liz in your head? How the hell are you supposed to tell her that.

You simply shrug, and keep a mask of cold, hard resolve in place. “You know my life. I’m interested in yours. Go on.”

So she does. And you do order another whiskey after your first, to the point where you’re verging on the highest restraints of merely tipsy and if you have another you’re heading fast for straight out drunk, which you shan’t do. But you’re merry, and Liz’s words all sound weird, slurred a little from the alcohol, her Australian accent bending to accommodate the vowel sounds she’s making with the occasional slip of a Polish or French word in there. She gets like this when she’s drinking, and it’s one of her most endearing qualities very few are able to see.

“Your voice sounds really weird,” you chuckle, leaning back in your chair, “you’re talkin’ all funny.”

“No I’m not!”

“You are.”

“Am so not!” She’s persistent, she never did back down easy.

You half heartedly shrug, knocking your glasses into one another on the table. You tug your jacket further around you, and purse your lips readying for battle.

“You know, you really should take it as a compliment that I’ve got drunk and I’m making fun of the way you talk.”

She allows her precisely plucked brows to dance over her face in surprise, though quickly schools her features into a plain mask.

“Alright, what’s up?”

“Nothing, Liz. I’m fine.” you say adamantly, and take another swig from your drink, savouring the tang on your tongue. Your glass makes another thud when you slam it down with unplanned and unnecessary force.

“You see, your mouth says that, but your… mouth is telling me something else?”

Before you can help it, your fingers are clutching the edge of the table, your cheeks heating softly, “I haven’t kissed you yet, how can that be?”

A chill slithers down your skin as her eyes grow wide, her pale skin blanching a shade further. “I didn’t mean, um, what? I—” she breaks off with a cough. “I ju— just meant that, um, you’re… sulking.”

“Oh.”

You can’t ignore the way your stomach plummets into the core of the earth, embarrassment taking over every other rational thought within your mind and body. Your soul is already brittle, but this? Your pride has certainly taken a knock enough for you to down the rest of your whiskey in one gulp.

“I’m gonna take off,” you say at last, across the curious blanket of silence, ignoring the way her angular face—limned with hope—falls a fraction.

“Please stay.”

You don’t think you hear her correctly, if at all. For all you know, her words could just be a whisper in the blustering breeze beating outside, the storm you predicted arriving early. In the dim bar, you’re away from it all, sage, until the bartender gets off shift and snatches Liz away for yet another night.

“Beg pardon?”

“Please stay,” she repeats, louder this time, but her blue eyes don’t meet yours across the table. “Tell me what’s up.”

She’s not backing down, so you brace yourself, allowing brazenness to fill you with courage, allowing your alcohol to eddie around you, summoning the words at long last.

“Nothing…” you say at first, because really, it is nothing, but she cocks her head at you that authoritative way. God, she should be a teacher with her assertive glances. “Just that you‘re so gorgeous I can’t say anything to your face…” you snatch her cup across the table, and take a deep swallow before shrugging and casting your gaze outside to spare yourself the mortification of being rejected. “Sober at least.”

You’re met with a beat of silence, “Why?”

“Look at your face!” you shout, utterly exasperated. You’ve got a good mind to pull a compact mirror to remind her how drop-dead stunning she is. “I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way.”

“Why, baby? What way?” she croons.

Too caught up in your momentary lapse of judgement and rant, you fail to notice her edging closer to you, moving your glasses out the way, letting her forearms rest on the sticky table just so she can watch the way you lick your lips with nerves.

“Crazy, because you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts.”

“R—really?” she stammers.

You turn back to her, all thoughts evaporating with her ocean blue eyes looking in yours, driving you insane. Her pretty lips are all parted and awaiting, how much you want to kiss her… So instead, you pout, and begin to throw a strop in your tipsy state.

“Tell me more.”

“No.”

“C’mon,” she teases, a smirk toying at her mouth, giving her cheeks subtle dimples. “Don’t leave me hanging. “Tell me what you really think. How I make you feel. I wanna hear,” her voice drops to a purr, leaning over the table to husk in your ear, “every little thing.”

“Ok then,” you concede. “You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much.”

“I don’t see how,” she snorts, “but continue.”

Her attention never once fails you or turns away, enamoured with your every mere breath.

“You’re gorgeous. Your magnetic field is too strong for me to cope. Your energy draws me in. You’re all I want.”

“More.” she coaxes, a single word, but a whisper, and yet it stokes the embers of desire in the pit of your stomach, your forehead creasing to attempt to draw some concentration back from the depths of your mind where your fantasies about her saying that exact word in that exact breathy way linger.

Perhaps your adulation is excessive, but you don't miss the sparkle in her eyes at each compliment you dole. This is your final card, though, and you’re going to play it right, so you forget about the consequences of touching her hand in a darkness room, and simply intertwine your fingers, drawing your noses to meet over the table.

“You've ruined my life, by not being mine,” you profess, ensuring that your hot breath fans over her lips. You can feel her shudder. “And you know there’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have.”

“I’m all yours if you’ll have me.”

And just like that, the world stops turning around you. Your heart lilts, your mind prattles on about all you want to say, all you want to do. But then it stops. And all of a sudden, you’re intrepid, desperate to ravish her and ruin her for all other women, eager to kiss her voraciously until you can scarcely breathe, yearning to feel her words of reassurance wrap around you, if only she agrees to your proposal over that of the hot bartender.

“Well, I’ve told you what's up, so I guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats. Alone... unless you wanna come along.”

You push away from the table and stand with a slight shrug, turning your back on her, making strides for the door and the storm bristling outside. Only, you barely make it to the door before Liz’s slender hand is wrapped around your arm, and is turning you back to her, tugging you closer, chest to chest, nose to nose.

“Fuck yes, księżniczka. After that, of course I’m coming.”

Your lips meet in a fiery kiss, a desperate battle of will, and her tongue slides over the seam of your lips. You grant her entry with an open mouth, heat skittering over your skin as she holds you tighter, closer, with a deeper urgency you don’t hesitate to match.

Her crystal eyes simmer as she withdraws, her forehead on yours. Her lips brush yours as she breathes, and she grabs your hand, heading out into the night with Liz, at long last.

“For the record, you’re gorgeous and perfect and drive me crazy too. Everything you said tonight, I echo. What can I say?”

You’re gorgeous.

#elizabeth debicki #elizabeth debicki x reader #elizabeth debicki imagine #jed roper #jed night manager #elizabeth debicki tom hiddleston #liz debicki #elizabeth debicki fic #elizabeth debicki smut #elizabeth debicki fluff #elizabeth debicki angst #wlw fluff #Spotify

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tigerdrop · 3 years

Note

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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fragmentedink-archived · 4 years

Text

Hell to Pay: Part Forty-Nine

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV, XLV, XLVI, XLVII, XLVIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: trigger warnings for mentions of past rape and triggers of past parental abuse

It was never fun to have Ash staring him down, eyes glowing bright green to let Lev know Ash absolutely could see him right now. The instinct to fidget under such a frustrated glare was strong.

“My fever didn’t come back,” Lev offered when the silence stretched too long for him to stand.

“Oh?” Ash said. “Why don’t you go ahead and pat yourself on the back for that, then, Lev. Since you think it’s perfectly okay to have intercourse after being brought back from the dead and almost dying from your heat, you must be perfectly fine and not need my help anymore, right?”

Lev shook his head. “No,” he admitted. And... as cranky as the healer was, he had a point. Lev probably should have asked him first. He hadn’t thought it through at all. No, he’d been thinking with his dick, per usual. “I’m sorry,” he added, honestly. “It didn’t occur to me. I should have- should have run it by you first.”

“No shit,” Ash deadpanned. “It’s not like I’m being paid for any of this- or that anyone’s bothering to listen to me about anything, but fine.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Lev touched the back of Ash’s hand. “I really am sorry,” Lev said earnestly. “And- I should have waited. It won’t happen again.”

Ash shoved his hands into his pockets. “See that it doesn’t,” he said. “Do anything else stupid lately? Besides Cameron?”

Lev frowned. “Be nice,” he admonished before he could think to stop himself. A flush crossed his cheeks, but he just went on to say, “Nik wasn’t happy Cam and I...” He shook his head. “And Nik was- he was weird before that.” Lev pulled his knees up to his chest. “Actually, I have a question for you. I... I still don’t remember any of that time. The months I was dead. Is there any way to get that time back?”

Ash looked at him, annoyance rippling across his face. “Yeah,” he said. “But it’s not pleasant. You sure you can handle it?” Ash stopped. “Of course you can, who am I talking to. We don’t listen to my medical expertise, anyways. When do you want it done.”

Lev stared at him. “I don’t know,” he said. “Ash, we don’t have to do anything. It’s not killing me to not know. I don’t think. If you don’t think I should I can wait.”

“No,” Ash said, “It’s not. However, they are your memories and you are entitled to them like you are to your body. It’s just very emotionally taxing and I want to know you can handle it before I decide to go through them.”

Lev gave a small shrug. “I’ll be fine,” he promised. “What- what do we have to do?”

Ash sat down on the coffee table in front of Lev and folded his hands. “We don’t do anything. You let me into your mind and I fix the damaged parts of your temporal lobe. Once it is healed, I can go through your memories and heal them- if you want.”

“What do you mean, heal the... memories?”

“Seperate the emotion from them so you can process. Some memories are too tightly wound with pain that it’s hard to move past them. I take the trauma and you heal.”

Lev looked down. “Is there any way to do that without- I want to learn to heal on my own. I just want the memories accessible to me so I can.”

“We can do that,” Ash said. “But I’ll still have to go through them.”

Lev nodded slowly. “Okay,” he agreed. “Then I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Good,” Ash said, “When do you want to start?”

“As soon as possible,” Lev said. “If that’s okay. If you think that’s wise.”

Ash seemed to think it was well enough, since he leaned forward and cradled Lev’s face. He closed his eyes, hands warming just enough Lev’s face flushed from the heat of Ash’s magic. “Don’t fight me.”

“I won’t,” Lev promised faintly.

Ash seemed to concentrate. His eyebrows furrowed as a pressure built in Lev’s mind. But soon enough Ash pulled back, looking even more annoyed than when he arrived. “There’s nothing to be fixed,” Ash said. “You’re keeping yourself from your memories and I can’t fix that. Well.” He thought on that. “I could, but it would do far more harm than good. How do you feel about a fire in your head?”

It took Lev several seconds to process what Ash meant. “There’s nothing wrong?” Lev finally asked, confused. And then, “A fire in my head seems counterproductive. I don’t want to trigger another fever...”

“Yeah, that was a rhetorical question, genius,” Ash said. “You’re going to need a demon for what you’re wanting. Specifically a telepath. Or to just face your memories head on.”

“Oh,” Lev said softly. “I don’t know any telepaths.” Which meant facing them, apparently. But- Lev didn’t know if he could do that. Didn’t know how to do that.

Cameron snorted from the doorway. “I do,” he said. “Happens to be the queen. Every bit as nasty as you could possibly imagine.”

Ash looked irritable. “Great.”

Lev opened and closed his mouth. “Oh,” he said faintly. “Would- would she even help an angel though?”

“Considering her mate is one,” Ash said, “I give it a 10/90 chance. She hates men more than she hates angels. In fact, from what I understand, she wants to string Nik up by his guts. Though who knows what she’d do with you.”

Because that was comforting. Lev looked to Cameron instead. “Is it a bad idea?” Lev asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” a low feminine voice said from behind Cameron. “Still making up my mind.”

Cameron seemed perfectly unfazed to see the slight, tanned woman who walked straight into the room. The sentries didn’t lift a finger to try and detain her. She cut a cold, calculating look at Lev. She then completely dismissed him and turned her focus right back to Cameron. “Care to tell me why you decided to go ahead and not tell me why you’re performing necromancy in my territories?” She held up a manicured hand and looked at Lev. “He doesn’t seem like much for the effort considering how much unrest seemed to come from this.”

Lev flicked a glance between all three of them before settling his gaze on Cameron again, looking for guidance on how he was supposed to respond. “I’m lucky to have someone who loved me enough to fight for me,” Lev finally said.

The woman lifted a groomed brow at that very diplomatic nonanswer and turned her icy eyes back to Cameron. “And did you love this angel enough to go over my head for such a thing?”

“No,” Cameron said, smoothly, matching her exact tone. “But Amara did.”

Lev winced. “She’s very headstrong,” he said softly.

The woman looked vaguely disgusted. “I’ve noticed,” she said, flatly. “Where’s the annoying one at?” She cut a look at Ash. “And I don’t mean that one.” She turned to Lev. “Do you know or do you not actually know anything besides how to be a thorn in my side.”

“Staying in angel territory,” Lev admitted after a long moment. “Amara’s keeping an eye on him.” He waved his new phone at her halfheartedly. “She says he’s safe.”

“Unfortunate,” She said, with enough deadpan that Lev winced. She stalked over to him and held out her hand. “Phone.” Her tone was laced with pure order.

Lev handed it over without a second thought.

---

Amara sat up, flailing for her phone. Where was it? That was Lev’s ringtone, and she was not going to miss a phone call from him. Without hesitation she crawled over Cin, ignoring his grunt when her knee found his ribs. Half off the bed, she put the phone to her ear. “Lev?” She answered, trying to pull herself back up with one hand.

“Try again.”

“Biela?” Amara asked, letting Cin haul her up. “What are you doing with Lev’s phone?” She paused. “Should I be worried?”

“Should you?” Biela asked, sounding bored. “Still making up my mind. Your answers will probably dictate whether or not you should be.”

“Delightful as ever,” Amara muttered, rubbing her face. She smacked Cin’s hand when he tried to fix her hair, but let him pull her in his lap and nibble on her shoulder. “If you’re pissed I killed Destris, he was a fucking- he deserved it, even if he hadn’t killed my cousin.”

“Why would I care about that piss-poor excuse of a man,” Biela said. “As far as I’m concerned it saves me a dry cleaning bill. I want to know why you decided to bring back an angel from the dead in my territories without my express permission and if you give me some bullshit about you being a mutt I’ll cut your tongue out.”

Well. Biela was in a mood. Normally, Amara would enjoy poking at it, but today she just sighed. “Honestly? Didn’t even cross my mind to ask permission. I did what I had to. And I’ll deal with the consequences of it, if that was a punishable offense. Lev’s done nothing wrong, except not have a single ounce of self preservation.”

Biela made a disgusted sound. “That gives me no reason to care about him,” she said. “However, as I just got my nails done, I won’t just kill him and put him back where he belongs. For now.” Biela was quiet for a moment. “I expect a visit.”

And with that the line went dead.

Amara flopped back with a groan against Cin’s chest. “And people call me a bitch,” she moaned.

“Biela?” Cin asked, tension lining his body.

“Yeah,” Amara muttered. She looked up at him. “Is it bad I’m turned on right now?”

Cin pushed her off his lap.

---

Nik wiggled out from under the several throw blankets Mami had smothered him in when he heard his phone start buzzing. He cleared his throat and frowned when he saw Lev’s name. He wiped his eyes and answered. “Yeah?”

“You go through the troubles of making my life difficult and you’re not even here?”

Nik blinked. “Who the fuck- Biela?” He sat up ramrod straight. “Why do you have Lev’s phone? Listen, he didn’t do anything to you-”

“Of course he didn’t,” Biela said, distaste coating her tone. “Everyone around him did instead. Your brother is mated with your king and I find out through my spies that necromancy is being performed in my territory.”

“Okay?” Nik said, his voice rising. “I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do about it. I’m not the one who fucking did it and Lev’s an angel and Amara likes to flount around that she’s some kind of mutt or whatever, and it was a witch that performed it. My bad you’re straddled with the paperwork.”

He could almost see that tiny, ferocious smile. “And what do you think I should do about it? I have angels in my territories deciding to break the laws of nature because, what, you all think this is a game with no rules? Even think about doing something like this again, and you won’t have to worry about the consequences. There’ll be nothing left of you.”

And with that, she decidedly hung up when his mouth dropped. “That bitch.”

Nik got up and went to find clean clothes.

---

Biela hung up the phone and dropped it into the angel’s lap. She glowered down at him and he only watched her with big golden eyes. The fact he had the nerve to do so after the trouble he caused, when she had no reason to trust or respect the angel, rankled her. She grabbed his chin- if she truly wanted, she could just give a sharp snap and this be done with, however, she gave Amara her word. For now. “Quit staring at me like that,” she said before walking out of the room, motioning for Cameron to follow her.

The sentries all stared down at the floor the moment she came into view on the way to Cameron’s office. The nearest sentry opened the door in time for her to walk inside and take the desk chair for herself.

Cameron stood mildly on the other side of the desk with a straight spine and hands oh so carefully folded behind his back. “At least with the first one,” she said, “I could respect that he was a warrior, even if he kept trying to sleep with me. This one? Is just useless.”

Cameron lifted a slight shoulder. “He keeps Nik on a leash when I’m busy.”

“And the fact they’re both angels?” Biela said. “I did not spend three hundred years in the thick of war for the sons of prominent angels to end up in the bed of one of my lords, Cameron. I have half the mind to feed them to demons and wash my hands of this whole mess.”

She crossed her legs. “However,” she said. “As they both are so heavily tied to the king of Liwen, I’ll let it pass. Bring another angel into this and I will not be so forgiving.”

“Of course,” he said. “Is there anything I can do to ease anxieties?”

She let a smile curl on her lips. “I expect you to debrief your pets. Let them know exactly what will be happening if they stay here. I do find it fascinating that you chose one that could so easily be eaten. Though, he was killed already, so I do suppose it’s not unsurprising.”

Biela rapped her nails against the wooden table. The security risks that these particular angels posed to her people, even if they seemed harmless enough, Biela knew better and she wasn’t going to make the mistake of her country shoved into another war. “Why don’t you tell me if I should be worried about something like this happening again, hm?”

Cameron didn’t blink an eye. “Permission to be frank?”

She waved a hand. “Since you asked.”

“Once more,” he said. “I have the resources to right a wrong done to one of mine. The blood is on my hands and I would like to balance the scales. There would be no security risk; there would be no other costs to worry about.”

“You’re going to perform necromancy. Again.” Biela said. “And why should I let this happen?”

“It’s a demon of your own homeland,” He said. “Your god is his god and he is no one to anyone.”

Her small smile returned. “Except to you,” she said. “Clearly he’s someone to you. You expect me to forgive this operation not only once, but twice? Is that what you are requesting of me?”

“Yes.”

“Because he’s what? From my homeland?” she asked, lifting a brow. “Do you take me for a sentimentalist?”

“I take you for a fair queen who would give her people a chance to make things right,” Cameron replied.

Biela stared him down. She could feel the weight in those perfectly calculated words. Not so long ago she had risked everything to right a wrong done to her. “Your toy mentioned a witch?” she said, finally. “Is that right? I know you’re not bastardizing demonic magic to perform this lunacy.”

“I am not,” he said. “The witch is pulling from Nature.”

She clicked her nails once more. “Where is this witch?”

---

Sorin watched Biela walk in his front door and damn near fell on his face in his haste to stand at attention. “My queen,” he said with a deep bow, even as his heart pounded. He didn’t even dare to ask why she was here. The last time he’d seen her had been when he’d been discharged from the army after Fax had died, and that hadn’t exactly been his best day.

“Where’s the witch?”

Again, Sorin’s chest tightened. “In his study,” Sorin said as he straightened, mouth dry. “Please. He’s all I have.”

Biela paused, leveling him with an unimpressed look. “What exactly do you think I’m going to do to him.”

Sorin didn’t know how to reply. Before he could figure it out, Cyrus appeared from his study. “It’s alright, Sorin.” Cyrus looked too tired, and there was a slight tremor to his hands. The witch looked at Biela calmly. “He’s always a bit anxious. How can I help you?”

Biela folded her arms. “Why are you performing necromancy on my lands?”

“A poorly thought out deal with Amara Claire, made on Sorin’s behalf.” Cyrus slid his hands into his pockets. “I’m a man of my word, and I offered her any spell she wanted. She chose necromancy.”

“A mistake,” she said, unimpressed, “making bargains with Amara Claire."

Cyrus flicked a look back at Sorin, who wanted so badly to go to his side. Instead he watched as Cyrus regarded Biela again. “It’s not a mistake I plan on making a second time. I only did so at the time for Sorin.” He paused, and added dryly, “It’s not like she was particularly helpful on her end of the bargain anyway.”

Biela lifted a brow. “But you’ll make the same mistake a second time anyways, for Cameron Luain, will you not? I’d be more lenient on the idea of it being a mistake if it only happened once, and yet, you’ll be performing the same spell a second time. Soon, if I’m understanding correctly. Why should I let you?”

Cyrus lifted a shoulder. “We all need different forms of closure. And when I summoned Cameron’s ghost, there was something in Cameron’s face. Whoever he is, he’s important. And I wasn’t going to waste bringing Levant back just to watch them all struggle if they need this man too.” He hesitated. “Cameron said Levant was asking for this demon. I’m assuming they met while Levant was dead.”

Biela’s face went very carefully neutral. “You make it sound like I care what that angel wants,” she said, coldly. But then just as quickly waved it off. “But fine. Have your spell. This one spell. But first, you will give me access to this spirit, and to your mind. Otherwise, it’s a no. And I will make sure you recognize the no as what it is.”

“Okay,” Cyrus said, reaching out for Sorin’s hand. Sorin was at his side in a heartbeat, helping Cyrus into his study. With a flick of his wrist, Sorin lit Cyrus’ candles, and then he settled on the floor beside his witch.

It took Cyrus a few minutes, but he managed to pull Darius’ spirit into being with a murmured apology.

Darius looked almost startled when he appeared. But the moment his eyes locked on Biela, a calmness spread across his light brown face. Biela and Darius both shared similar features of someone from the same homeland, even if Biela held herself worlds apart from everyone else.

Darius bowed at the waist deeply, before elegantly righting himself and offering her a small smile. “Your majesty,” he said. “It’s an honor.”

“I’m sure,” Biela said. “I understand you’re wanting to be brought back from the dead. How long have you been dead and why should I care about a resurrection? We all have lost someone, and Cameron shouldn’t get to bring back the dead because he made a mistake.”

Darius seemed to think on that. He didn’t look hurt by her brutal words, and just held her steely gaze steadily. “Cameron’s entire life has been very carefully moulded into a perfect tool for his parents. Would it be so bad to let him have one selfish thing to make up for five hundred years of isolation and depersonification?”

Sorin couldn’t decide who he should look at. Darius was- he was new. Biela was his queen. He didn’t know if he should keep his eyes on her out of respect, or the opposite, for the exact same reason. In the end, he fixed his eyes on Cyrus, who managed a wan smile just for him.

Biela’s face was kept at her perfect icy neutrality. “At the risk of even more dark magic being released into my earth? For one man? Compared to millions of people under my protection? I should kill everyone involved,” she said. “That kind of threat needs to be extinguished.” She slid her eyes to Sorin. “You’re exmilitary. You’ve seen the war and bloodshed, and the slaughter to our people. What do you think should be done?”

Sorin blinked, startled by being addressed. “I think,” he finally said carefully, “That- well-” Lying would get him nowhere, so he swallowed. “I think that necromancy is a dangerous thing. For the spellcaster, and for the people involved. I think most people don’t get the chance to even try, and- I feel like it’s not fair. But- I’m not sure I can give a good answer. I’m not unbiased. And I don’t know what I think, anyway.”

Cyrus looked a little pained. He swiped his thumb over the back of Sorin’s hand sympathetically, and then went still again. Right. Well then.

“You don’t know what you think,” she said. “Typical answer. I don’t know what else I was expecting.” She turned to Cyrus, eying him carefully. “I see you carry the braincell in the relationship. Then again, you were the one to release that bastardized magic. You were the one to taint my lands, and you were the one to decide to play with forces that do not belong to you. Can’t even get your own magic. You’re siphoning a demon to do the spell.”

Cyrus, to his credit, didn’t even blink. “I was,” he agreed. “I took a lot of effort to make sure my steps could not be retraced. Just as Amara took plenty to keep others from finding out Levant died in the first place. I don’t want anyone but me knowing this spell. I don’t think even I want to know this spell when it’s all said and done. It’s too much twisted power, and it’s not fair to other people grieving.”

Biela clicked her manicured nails along her arm. “So you admit that you tainted my lands,” she said. “And what do you think I should do about that? You admit that that was too much power, and too much dark power at that. Why should you get the pardon? Because you’re a witch and Amara tricked you? You’re the victim in all of this, right? Forced to help Amara Claire because of a poorly worded promise.”

“I’m not a victim. I chose what morals I needed to stick to. Releasing dark magic wasn't my intention. And I’ve made no such promise to Cameron Luain. I said I’d try. If you forbid it, that’s that. I tried.” He didn’t flinch when Sorin’s hand tightened on his. “I’m not a demon, but this is your kingdom, and Sorin’s your subject. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson about Amara Claire.”

“Hm.” Biela turned back to Darius, shifting her inky black hair behind her shoulder. He met her icy gaze steadily. “Cameron murdered you in cold blood,” she said. “Knife in your throat, yes? Just let you bleed out on his pretty carpets and you want to come back from the dead for him?”

“With all due respect,” Darius said, after a moment of thought, “I think we both know there was nothing cold blooded about an animal trapped in a corner doing what it took to survive.”

What a strange way to describe Cameron. Sorin found it hard to believe Cameron had ever been trapped in anything he didn’t have a way to get out of.

“Fair enough,” Biela said, airly. To Cyrus, she said, “I’ll grant it. You do not do it on my lands, and you do not use a single demon or their magic to do so. If you do, I will find out, and you will find your life, and Sorin’s life, forfeit. Do I make myself clear?”

Cyrus had the sense to dip his head respectfully as he murmured, "Understood."

Biela switched her gaze to Sorin. It took him several seconds to realize what she was waiting for. “Of course, Your Majesty,” Sorin said quickly, lowering his gaze.

And then she was gone. Sorin blinked at the space she’d left, the door swinging shut with a gentle click. Only after she was gone did Cyrus let out a very small, tired sigh. Sorin swung around, peering at his mate.

“Sometimes,” Cyrus offered, “I wish I wasn��t a witch.” He squeezed Sorin’s hand, before looking to Darius. “I’m sorry.”

Darius gave a small shrug. “I’m sorry you’re in this position.”

“It’s what I get for being a young witch genius without a coven,” Cyrus replied, not even a little bit of ego to his tone. “I should have known better than to make promises without terms.”

Darius offered him a small smile. “I am afraid that is something we must learn with age, and you are still very young.”

Cyrus considered that. “True,” he admitted. “It still stings to have been dragged into this by someone at least ten years younger than me, though. I should have realized she had ulterior motives.”

---

Lev hadn’t moved from the couch. He’d just pulled his knees up and rested his cheek on them as he stared past Ash and tried not to think at all.

“Just breathe. She’s not going to eat you,” Ash finally said, catching Lev off guard.

He shifted his attention to Ash. “I know,” he said. “She would have already... right?”

“...Sure.”

Comforting. Lev tucked his cheek against his knees again, closing his eyes. “I want Nik,” he finally said in a small voice.

“You could call him, you know,” Ash pointed out. “You have a phone.”

Lev looked down on the phone on the cushion beside him. “Oh,” he said. Right. Nik had to be worried; he hadn’t called him in the hour after Biela had used his phone to talk to Nik. As he found Nik’s contact info, he settled back against the couch, tucking the phone against his face.

Nik picked up immediately. “What the fuck do you want, you phychopath?”

“Nik?” Lev said, his voice getting smaller. He knew Nik wasn’t mad at him, but still.

“Oh. Lev.” Nik paused. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Lev promised. “Are you? You... you’ve been gone for a while.”

Nik was quiet for a little bit. “I’m on my way home. I needed to think.”

Small chill went down Lev’s spine. He understood. “Are you mad at me?” He asked softly. “It’s okay if you are. I just wanna know.”

“I’ll get over it,” Nik eventually replied.

“Okay,” Lev said softly. He chewed on his lip briefly, and then said, “Drive safe?”

“I'll be home soon.”

Lev hesitated. “I’m trying to get my memories back. The months I was... gone.”

“Um. Are you sure you want to do that?”

“They’re my memories. Why shouldn’t I?” Lev flicked Ash a look, and then said, “Everyone’s being weird. I want to know what I missed.”

“Fair enough.” Nik was quiet for a bit longer, and then, “I’m still an hour out. I’d better go.”

“Okay.” Lev tightened his grip on the phone. “I love you.”

“Love you.”

Lev waited until he was sure Nik hung up to put the phone down. Somehow, he didn’t feel any better.

“Why do you think Nik’s mad at you?” Ash asked, snagging Lev’s attention before he could bury himself in his anxiety again.

“I had sex with Cameron after Nik- after he couldn’t sleep with me.” Ash looked pained at Lev’s words. “He- Nik - flinched. So I told him we could wait. And he didn’t like that. But- Cameron offered later, and Nik wasn’t home, and- things have been weird and I wanted normal.”

“I mean no offense, Lev, but you just got brought back from the dead. Normals not in your wheelhouse any time soon.”

Lev winced. “I guess I should have known that,” he replied. “But I want it all the same.”

Maybe Ash would have figured out a response to that, but before he could, Biela appeared in the doorway. Lev slowly sat up, settling criss cross. “Majesty,” Lev said hesitantly, dipping his head as low as he could without risking toppling off the couch.

“Let’s get this over with,” was all she said.

Lev bit back his surprise that she was even going to help, but the next moment he could feel her, holding his mind without even taking a step in the room. He was dragged along with her as she went through his memories. Memories so old it was eerie seeing them again. His mother’s face. His father’s. Their death, and living with his Gramma.

The only time Biela slowed in her precise, unflinching sorting through his memories was when she dug up flashes of times he absolutely hadn’t wanted to see again. And the details. He’d asked for this, but he hadn’t expected to go back so far. He’d purposefully forgotten how bad it’d been, with Remi, with Vehuel, even with Silas, despite Silas’ attempts to shield him. Going back through them was more visceral than he expected; he could feel every touch, hear every word, and it struck him to the core all over again.

He was still reeling when Biela found his more recent memories. He didn’t have time to feel embarrassed about his brief but warm time with Fax, or how quickly he fell for Nik and Cameron after they took him in. How quickly he came to find a home here, in a way he had only begun to feel with Fax.

But it was a new sort of pain to see the months where he had been dead. Watching Nik and Cameron struggle- and what Lev had done.

By the time Biela let go and pulled her thoughts from his, he was crying silently. He touched his cheeks, wiping the tears away with shaky hands. To his surprise, Ash put his hand on Lev’s shoulder. After a few seconds, Lev lifted his gaze to Biela and Cameron in the doorway, only to realize Nik was waiting there as well. How long had-?

“Nik?” Lev finally croaked.

Nik gave him a lopsided smile. “Hey Princess. You doing okay?”

Lev shook his head, and might have gotten up if Ash hadn’t kept his hand on Lev’s shoulder. Thankfully, Nik crossed the room, settling beside him. Lev twisted until he could bury his face in Nik’s shoulder, grabbing at Nik’s shirt as he took several deep breaths. Old memories flickered behind his eyes, but he pushed them back for now.

Only when he was sure he wasn’t going to start crying again did he look up at Biela again. She seemed to have paled, and though she kept her face neutral, she looked tired. “Thank you,” Lev finally managed. “For helping me.” Even if guilt was already eating away at him.

“You’re welcome.” She looked to Cameron. “I want to speak with you.”

They left, and Lev almost started crying again. After he got himself under control, he said to no one in particular, “Can you help me to the kitchen? I- I need to move.”

Nik helped Lev up without saying a word. Ash followed behind, also silent. Diner was done, sitting on the stove ready to be served, and Cameron had even set the table. He stared at everything, breath hitching. His thoughts were still spinning, and he couldn’t quite catch them all. Nothing made sense, except the one phrase that kept echoing in his mind.

It wasn’t fair.

Before he could think about it, he scooped up a bowl and shattered it on the floor. Beside him, Nik flinched, but the sound of it breaking was so satisfying he threw another, just to hear it again. By that point Cameron appeared in the doorway.

Lev looked right at him, and blurted, “It’s not fair. None of this is fucking fair. I didn’t deserve this. Any of it.” Cameron only stared back, face unreadable. “I didn’t ask to be born like this. I didn’t ask for Rem- for- he raped me, for years and I- I didn’t want it. I didn’t deserve- Fax didn’t deserve- and then- Destris-” He was crying again, breath hitching. “I was pregnant. That’s why I left. I was trying to figure out what to do because you don’t want kids, and we already have Eden, and now it’s gone-”

Nik was moving, leaving, and Lev didn’t blame him, not one bit. “But none of that matters, if- what I did while I was dead- I might as well have tried to actually kill him. And that’s not okay. That was my fault. And no one’s done anything about it. No one told me. What I did was unforgivable. To you, to Nik, to Nate. And no one let me face the consequences. You didn’t let me face Remi. You didn’t let me face Vehuel. And maybe I couldn’t, but no one has ever given me the choice.” He wiped his face. “I’ve been trying to be better. They made you a weapon, but they made me a doll and then they got angry when that’s all I knew how to be. But even that doesn’t excuse what I did.”

“You can start facing them now,” Cameron said.

And somehow, that calmed Lev down some. “I can?” he said, caught off guard.

Cameron lifted a brow. That was all the response Lev was going to get, apparently.

Lev looked down at the mess he made. Right. He’d done that. He knelt, reaching for the bigger pieces. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, taking a shuddering breath. “I shouldn't have- I’ll buy you more.”

“Leave it. Nik needs you more than some broken glass.”

Lev stared at the mess. “I- I’ll clean it up later,” he said. Promised.

Cameron gave a slight nod, and so Lev eased to his feet, setting the pieces in his hands on the table. He slipped past Ash, in the doorway, and paused when he saw Biela. Her face was unreadable, but she just said, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Lev had no idea what to say to that, so he just gave a quiet, “Yes ma'am.”

When she didn’t stop him, he moved on, tracking Nik down by scent and a little luck. His mate was curled up under several blankets in Cameron’s bed. Lev crawled up next to him, but left space between them.

“Nik?” he said in a small voice. When he got no answer, Lev settled down, tucking his face in the pillow. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” he said. “I’m not angry with you.”

From under the blankets, Lev heard a sniffle.

Lev reached out to touch Nik’s head over the blankets. “I wasn’t- I didn’t mean to tell you like that. I’m- I should have found a better way.”

“Are you going to stay like that?” Nik finally asked from under the blankets.

“Like what?” Lev asked, hesitantly.

Nik was quiet for a long moment. Eventually he said in a voice just as small as Lev’s, “Violent.”

Oh. Guilt rose up, yet again. “No,” he promised. “I’m- I was wrong. I should never have acted like that.” He pulled at the blankets questioningly. “Nik. Can- can I see you?”

Nik slowly poked his head out.

“I’m never going to hit you,” Lev promised. “I won’t. And I won’t- I won’t let myself get angry like that again.”

Nik nodded slowly. Lev reached out, stroking Nik’s cheek. Nik shrank back, just a little, so small Lev almost missed it, but not enough to pull away.

Lev meant to reassure him again, but all that came out was, “I know you’re pregnant. And I want you to know I’m not mad.”

To Lev’s horror, Nik’s face crumpled. Before Lev could do anything else, Nik was crying, hard. Lev scooted closer, crawling under the blankets with Nik without a second thought. “It’s okay,” Lev whispered. “I promise.”

Nik pressed his face in Lev’s neck, still crying. Eventually he said, “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Lev promised. “It’s okay.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Nik’s head. “I don’t care what happened.”

“Does Cameron know?” Nik whispered.

“Yes,” Lev said honestly. “We were waiting for you to tell us.” He stroked Nik’s hair. “At your own pace.”

Nik stiffened under Lev’s hands. “Is he mad at me?”

“No.” Lev cupped Nik’s face. “Neither of us are. We just want you taken care of.”

Nik nodded against Lev’s neck. “Okay.”

Lev closed his eyes. “Okay,” he repeated softly. He patted Nik’s hair again. “Nik? While we’re on deep and scary subjects, do you wanna talk about the mate with a capital M thing, or...?”

“Not really.”

“We can wait,” Lev promised. They’d avoided it since his heat. He could wait a bit longer.

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @lil-miss-red @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis @idreamonpaper

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #wip boost #ch: cameron #ch: nik #ch: ash #ch: biela

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ilguna · 4 years

Text

Metanoia - Chapter Seven (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 5k

Warnings; swearing

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

The dread that you’re feeling is almost suffocating. Like someone dropped a pillow on your face and then sat on it to make sure you’d choke to death and die. You can hardly move yourself from the bed to get up and get yourself ready today. All you can do is stare at the ceiling and hope that this feeling goes away.

You have a few hours to burn before you really need to get up and get ready, anyway. If your soulmate wants to sit and wallow in their self-pity, you might as well humor them. Let them feel like all of their insides are dying and rotting and they’ll never be able to live a good life again.

What would be a total dick move would be if you tried to suppress it with your own emotion. You couldn’t be giddier. You’re absolutely stoked that the day is finally here. No more messing around, no more parade, training scores, interviews. In a couple of hours you’ll be picked up by the hovercraft and brought to the arena.

You might as well have a whole celebration because of it. You could hardly sleep last night! It took time before you finally felt like you could close your eyes and keep a straight face. You felt like a kid on christmas eve, waiting for the next day impatiently. You can only imagine how your soulmate felt last night.

Maybe they fell asleep early on, and because your emotions were so sweet, it allowed them to have nice dreams. No nightmares, if they ever have any. Just a whole night of much needed sleep without any interruptions. You know you could have gone for a night like that before your first games.

The first time around, you were definitely nervous. You had only seen everything on tv when it was allowed. You were such a polite teen, afraid to overstep boundaries. But at the same time, you still had the same fire that you do now. You didn’t take anything that you didn’t have to.

Now, you’re not so polite. Maybe when you meet someone for the first time, that’s the only time you really allow yourself not to be a total bitch. Otherwise, you’re always on the high horse unapologetically. It could be a defense mechanism, or it could be because you’ve grown bitter over the years.

And that’s for many reasons, the first of them all being because of people calling you soft and innocent. As if you didn’t come out of the games with eight confirmed kills, one of them being your fucking district mate. You showed no mercy, you had blood on your face for half the games because water was scarce and you didn’t want to waste the water you got from sponsors.

You came out a winner and people still had the audacity to go ‘oh she’s such a sweet little girl. She’s so cute with how she holds herself’. God, the amount of fucking times people would refer to you as cute--it’s the whole reason why you hate the word. You’re not cute anymore, you’re not a little teenager. It’s been nine years.

You’re ugly. You wish people would just admit that instead. That your personality, your looks, everyone about you is no longer cute. It’s not attractive, it doesn’t bring boys around anymore because they can’t stand the way you treat them. It’s either you’re an ugly bitch or it’s nothing.

And you guess it’s another reason why you decided to volunteer, because you felt like you hadn’t shed that label just yet. You needed to make sure that it was gone for good. Sure, you volunteered the first time around, but that was because you were forced to do it.

This time, it was all willingly. And you fought tooth and nail to get your spot too. You did it because you wanted to be left alone. You want people to know that you’re not who you used to be. You’re willing to play into the hands of the Capitol. If they want a show this year, then they’re going to get a fucking show.

Who are you to deny that from them?

The feeling of dread starts to lift, which is good enough for you. You’re not sure if it’s because of your newfound annoyance or not, but it doesn’t matter. You get out of bed now and head into the bathroom.

You take a shower, washing your hair. You watch as the glitter from last night runs down the drain and sticks to the floor. When you leave the shower, you fix your hair into a towel as you wander over to the dresser. You pull out the training outfit, since that was what you were directed to wear.

As you pull everything on, there’s a few knocks at the door. You’re a little surprised that it hadn’t just opened automatically like it normally does, “Come in.”

The doors open after that and you make an impressed face at it. Neysa comes into the room quickly so that the doors can shut faste. She thinks that you’ll feel shame if others see you naked, huh? You lost that privilege after you were sold after your games for creepy old men and women. There is no shame in your world.

“Welcome.” you say, giving her a face, “What’s up?”

“Just came to do your hair.” she says, “And talk.”

You snicker, “You’re very nonchalant. Is this about Finnick?”

“You never told me what he wanted.”

You pull on the tanktop before moving into the bathroom, letting your hair out of the towel. Neysa takes this as an invitation, dragging in a chair and making you sit while she detangles and brushes.

“He just wanted to know why I was asking, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, except for the fact that Haymitch saw you two together.” she yanks the brush at the thought of that, and then through clenched teeth; “Alone.”

You grab her wrist because of the yank, your scalp now feels like she ripped out a handful of hair. Using the same force she used with the hairbrush, you pull her so hard that she slams into the counter.

“First of all, watch it.” you take the brush from her hand, and then hit her against the head with it, using as much force as the frustration demands, “Second of all, he’s the one that chose the spot, I just followed him. We didn’t do anything heinous, so I don’t know why you’re so bent out of shape. He said that it was up to me if I wanted to fall through with it.”

Of course, you had to leave out all of the extra details that went along with it. Knowing Neysa, she’s the loyalist as well as Edmond. They’ll put their big mouths to use and tattle on Finnick and the rest of them. You’re not going to ruin whatever dumbass plan that they have, because you’re genuinely curious on how it all might go down.

And you also told her the last part, because in case you do decide to pick his side, you need to have her ready for it. It all depends on how you’re feeling and what happens in the cornucopia. You’ll make your decision then when you either go to kill Finnick or spare him.

Actually--wait. Go back to the whole glory thing for a moment, because this has you thinking. Finnick had a point with being the first person from District Two to support them and their decisions. You’d get the name of not being a total cold-hearted person after all.

Or, you could be even more loved, by the Capitol primarily. And how would you do that?

You’d end a rebellion before it would even begin. You’d kill Katniss and Peeta and everyone else who thinks they could get away with it. Not only would you be taking out some record holders, but you’re also holding a much more valuable title in your hand. A savior.

You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. You brush your hair while you and Neysa stare at each other. You grab a few hair ties, and you continue to use the brush to smooth out your hair while you get it into a ponytail position.

“Nothing happened between me and Finnick.” You tell her, turning towards the mirror as you bring the hair through, “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“People think you’re going to be in an alliance with him, the secrecy is gone.”

“Let them think that.” you say, giving her a final look as you dump the brush into the sink bowl, “You hungry? ‘Cause I am.”

You leave her there standing in the bathroom as you go to eat breakfast. Edmond and Brutus are already at the table, and from the absence of sound, Neysa isn’t following you just yet.

“What happened to Neysa?” Edmond asks, as if he can read your mind.

“Standing in my bathroom like a freak.” you take a seat at the table, loading up on the healthy stuff. You take a look at the avox, “Keep the water coming.”

You’re going to stay hydrated. By the time you have to go into the arena, you better be peeing straight water, because you don’t know when you’ll be able to find it. It’s always included after what happened with the desert games and the lack of entertainment. But they always make it hard to find, and sometimes the only source.

It makes the tributes keep going back to get water, which will consequently make the tributes run into each other and create conflict. When the gamemakers are feeling generous though, they’ll pick an arena with different ponds and lakes, sometimes even a river running right down the middle.

You’d rather not take any chances and just stay hydrated and full. You’ll deal with everything else when you get inside of the arena, but if you’re pumping yourself full of water, you won’t have to worry about being dehydrated for a little bit. At least, that’s what you like to think.

Neysa comes out of the hallway and towards the table. She’s rubbing the place on her head where you smacked her with the brush. You would apologize if it weren’t for the fact that she deserved it.

You spend the next thirty minutes at the table eating and drinking until you think that you’re finally going to burst. Only then do you retreat back to your room so you’re closer to the toilet when you have to keep getting up every ten or so minutes. You order water from the food ordering station inside of the room each time you finish a glass.

After that, it’s basically silence and staring out of the window while you wait for Amias to come and get you for the hovercraft.

“Here’s the necklace.” Amias says, turning your body so she can put it on for you, “The suit that you’re wearing seems like it’s made for the tropics. Is it breezy?”

“Yeah,” you move your arm in a circle to double-check, “It makes the AC extra cold.”

“Then it’s going to be hot inside of the arena. I’d offer you more water if I had water to offer.” she says, fixing the necklace straight and then taking a step back, “Nice knowing you.”

You sputter out a laugh, “You’re gonna mark your words when I come back and you’re having to make me a gorgeous homecoming dress.”

Amias smiles.

“Sixty seconds until launch.” the voice says, you look up towards where it had come from.

The whole launch place this year looks like it’s straight out of a sewer. With the metal flooring and the cement walls with pipes running in and out. It’s gross, especially with the musty smell on top of that. You’re excited to get out of here.

“If I do die, make sure this necklace is given back to Tanith, if it isn’t in pieces.” you say, “Actually, make sure you tell Neysa that all of my shit goes to Tanith.”

Amias raises her eyebrows, “Why?”

“Thirty seconds until launch.”

You smile, “I don’t have any family to leave it behind to, and I’m not very fond of the idea of people picking apart my things in an auction like a bunch of vultures. All of it goes to Tanith, and if Zavian is good, he can have a chunk of whatever money I have saved.”

“Should I write down specifics or--?” Amias is teasing.

“Nah, Tanith will handle it.” You back up into the tube, “It’s not like I’m actually planning on dying, but just in case I’m taken by surprise; it all belongs to Tanith. Everything that might have been in my name goes to her.” you smile again, “Because she’s the closest thing I’ve had to a sister after my own died.”

The glass starts to close, and you give a final wave to Amias before looking up at where you’ll be going. The tube spins you around to where you need to face. As you get up higher, the sun starts to hit the sides of the tubes, and eventually falls into your eyes.

You spread your feet for balance, and then bend your knees so that when it stops moving, it’s not a sudden jolt. You take in a deep breath of air as you’re completely blinded for a moment. And then, you can see.

Water surrounds you on all sides.

You nearly stumble back out of shock, but you manage to catch yourself last second before you step off of the podium. You hold your arms out to steady yourself, and when you look around to see if anyone caught that, the male morphling stares at you.

Most districts don’t have water, which makes it difficult to learn how to swim. No pools, no lakes or ponds, it’s just… land. The only district that does have water as a main source is District Four, which means that Finnick will be the first to get to the middle after all.

You’re not bad at it, it’s just that you’re not the best. You’re not going to be as quick as you would want to be, but you’ll be able to get to the black rock that’s off to your right. It’s not that far, if you jump as hard as you can, you’ll be able to cover a good distance of the water, and have barely any left to swim with.

One glance up at the cornucopia, you can see you have less than ten seconds left. So, as quick as you can, you get a glance around. Male morphling on your left, the girl from ten is on the other side of the black rock strips that lead to the cornucopia, and to a beach. Past the beach is a pure jungle that looks like it’ll be hell to navigate in.

Cornucopia looks like it can hold everything you’d dream of and more. You’re going to want to get a good footing on it as soon as you’re there. Cashmere, Gloss and Brutus won’t be that far behind, they’ll help you secure it. However, they’re nowhere in sight from what you can see. After a certain distance, everyone just looks like blurs.

The gong sounds and you throw yourself off to the right. Your hands are the first inside of the water, and following is your head until you’re completely submerged. The water isn’t that cold, but it isn’t warm either. It’s enough to knock the wind from your lungs, so you quickly swim up towards the rock.

You take a big gasp of air as soon as you’re above water. You throw one arm onto the rock, pulling yourself up and onto your elbows to get another good look. Girl from ten is on her way over, otherwise you’re in the clear.

You bring yourself up the rest of the way, noticing how your bodyweight seems so much heavier because of the water. You’re lucky you’ve worked out your upper body strength, because if you hadn’t, getting up would have taken much longer. You bring yourself from your knees to your feet, and then you take off running over the uneven rock.

The ones that stick out furthest are like stepping stones. From one to another, you hop while you run. Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left foot.

You don’t know how you’ve done it, but you’ve gotten here first.

Without any hesitation, you jump over the pile of boxes as you rush to the back of the cornucopia to the wall of weapons. However, when you get back to it, you stop in shock. Your favorite weapon isn’t here, it’s just--it’s everything else a person can think of.

For the time being, you pick up a bow and arrow, plucking at the string until you hear a noise behind you. You turn, the arrow already aimed at the person before you can even see who it is. And surprise, surprise, it’s Finnick Odair, staring at you confused.

“You can’t actually--”

You fire the arrow over his shoulder, nearly clipping it, “I should kill you right here.”

Finnick’s mouth opens a little bit, “I wouldn’t if I were you.”

The two of you are in a staring competition after that, the weapon falls in your hands, and Finnick spins when he hears a noise. It’s Katniss, and you watch as he points an arrow at Finnick’s chest, but his wrist is already up, with something gold glinting in the sunlight.

“Good thing we’re allies, right?” Finnick seems to have recovered fast, considering everything that had just happened in less than thirty seconds.

You drop the bow, which causes Katniss’ eyes to flicker over to you, and then back to Finnick, “Where did you get that?”

You move to grab a glaive--it’s almost like a spear-sword, with a long handle and a wide blade at the tip. You spin it in your fingers.

“Where do you think?” Finnick asks her back, “Duck.”

Katniss drops to a crouch, Finnick throws his trident just in time to hit the guy from District Five. The cannon fires instantly, which is weird to you, since it’s the bloodbath and the gamemakers normally wait until the entire thing is over to give off cannons. But you have much more important things to worry about.

Finnick looks at you while he moves over to take the trident out of the guys chest, “What’s your decision?”

Katniss takes a look at you, and you shake your head a little bit, wanting to say no. But then, you take a deep breath as you move forward, “Go find Peeta and Mags.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Go.” you tell him, and then give a look to Katniss, who doesn’t look like she’s too fond of your presence. She should join the list of the hundreds of other people that don’t like you.

Finnick disappears with the trident, and you can spot Brutus coming. Katniss doesn’t seem to notice at first, which irritates you, since she’s the one with the long-distance weapon. You steal the bow from her fingers for a moment, grabbing an arrow. You let it go, clearly in the position to kill, but Brutus jumps back into the water.

“Katniss, Mags found Peeta--he’s over here.” He tells her, you shove her weapons back into her hands.

You don’t follow behind her though, as you stand and stare, unsure of how you want to approach this. Go with Finnick, or stay here and explain yourself. Cashmere and Gloss won’t be quick to forgive, but you think Brutus might. It’s going to be hard, especially when you’re associating with the alliance that you swore to kill.

Then again, your allies will try to kill you in your sleep now, if they didn’t want to before. With that thought, you grab a pocket knife, slipping it into your boot. Just when you go to take off, the girl from ten appears in front of you.

It should almost be criminal with the way that the smile spreads over your face. Following in Finnick’s footsteps, you throw your glaive at her chest. The cannon goes off instantly, you place your foot on her chest while you pull the weapon out. One glance over your shoulder, you can see that there’s going to be company if you don’t get out of here quick.

“My apologies, Neysa.” you say, before heading in the same direction that Katniss and Finnick had disappeared off to.

You spot them all standing on the same strip of land. You jog over, noticing how Katniss jerks in your direction when she sees movement, but relaxes slightly. Mags doesn’t look too pleased with the fact that you’re here either.

Peeta and Finnick are pulling themselves out of the water when you get there. You cross your arms angrily, tapping your foot impatiently as you watch them get out of the water.

“They’re watching us.” Katniss says, you don’t know who it’s directed to, so you turn around to see.

Cashmere, Gloss and Brutus are at the beginning of the strip to the cornucopia, staring, but they’re motioning. They’re very clearly mapping out some kind of plan, as if they’re expecting something--you.

“They’re watching me.” you correct her, shaking your head, “They’re pissed that I’ve left them.”

“Come on, Mags.” Finnick says, he crouches down, but his eyes are on you while Mags gets on his back, “Are you coming with?”

“Do I really have a choice?” you snap, Peeta and Katniss eye you warily, “Let’s just go already, before they get ballsy.”

You snap your fingers for emphasis. Peeta goes first down the path, and Finnick goes second. Katniss looks like she wants to take up the back, but common sense must be running through her mind, because she doesn’t fight you. She shouldn’t want to be back here, your former alliance will rip her apart like a pack of wolves, and you might just help them.

You hold up your hand for a wave, and Brutus does the same back. It’s a goodbye, you don’t know when you’ll see them again, dead or alive. Brutus is forgiving, and it doesn’t look like he cares all that much. As for Cashmere and Gloss, their feelings are going to be hurt that you traded them for these guys.

You all tread carefully while going over the rocks. When you get past the beach, Finnick insists for Katniss to go in front of him, and she does. The five of you run through the jungle, making an almost clear path on where you’re going. If the others did want to follow you, it wouldn’t be very hard to track.

While you jog, you run your fingers over the greenery, but you’re careful to skip over the flowers, because those are much more likely to be poisonous. You guys weave in and out of trees, getting further and further into the jungle. The longer you run, the hotter you seem to become.

The arena is hot, which makes the wetsuit and it’s breeziness make sense. You’re lucky that the stylists who work on the suits are careful to design them to your needs. If you guys were wearing anything else, you’d say that you’d be sweating like pigs on the verge of heatstroke. The only reason why you’re sweating now has to be because of the fact that you’re running.

District Two is in a desert of sorts. It’s hot where you come from--and it’s the uncomfortable kind. Makes you want to stay inside and fan yourself until you’re cold again. It makes working in a factory not worth it. You’d rather just lay on the pavement and let the vultures take you.

It has to be ten to fifteen minutes later, when Finnick finally calls it, “Okay, hold up--hold up.”

There’s barely any sunlight streaming through the trees, but you guys take the only patch there is to offer. The entire jungle seems to be one big shadow of shade. It’s uncomfortable and weird, considering that the place is humid and the shade offers no coolness.

“Here you go.” Finnick breathes, letting Mags off of his back.

Katniss is looking around at the trees, and this is when you’re finally able to hear all the noises of the animals that are out here. You wouldn’t like to be caught here in the dark--but it's the only place that actually offers shelter. To stay on the beach or even in the cornucopia would be stupid.

Oh, how much you would give to see the looks on Cashmere and Gloss’ faces when they realized that they’d be hunting tributes in this mess of a jungle. It’ll be impossible to navigate.

They all crouch down together, but you lean yourself up against a tree, arms crossed. Occasionally, you’ll reach up to wipe the sweat off your forehead before it runs into your eyes.

“God, it’s hot.” Peeta says, “We gotta find fresh water.”

It’s a brief silence while you and Finnick stare at each other intensely. Then three cannons go off, guess that was the actual bloodbath. It’s weird that it’s only three, though. You’d expect more, but you suppose that everyone--well, not everyone--is smart enough not to go to the cornucopia after a certain point in time.

“Well, I guess we’re not holding hands anymore.” Finnick laughs.

Yeah, last night after Peeta had fucking announced that Katniss was pregnant, you all held hands to show some sort of unity. Leave it to these two to steal the spotlight after a long night of watching people screw up their interviews. You almost wanted to barf when Finnick was addressing Annie in a poem for his. Looking back on it, it’s funny now.

“You think that’s funny?” Katniss asks Finnick.

“Every time that cannon goes off, it’s music to my ears.” he motions with his hands, “I don’t care about any of them.”

“Amen.” you mutter, Peeta glances at you briefly, and then double-takes as if he didn’t expect you to be standing here.

“Good to hear.” Katniss says.

“Do you want to face the career pack alone?” Finnick asks her, “What would Haymitch say?”

“Haymitch isn’t here.” Katniss says, holding the machete in her hands tightly.

“How about we talk about why (Y/n) is here.” Peeta jabs his thumb in your direction.

You watch as they all sort of take a look like they’ve forgotten you exist. Great, you won’t have anything to worry about then, especially since they like to put you in the back of their minds. You could move to kill any one of them and no one would notice until the move was done.

“No.” you tell him, “Mind your business.”

“It is our business.” Katniss says.

“Not really.” you make a new place in the dirt for the glaive.

“There was a uh--” Finnick smiles, “--an unexpected twist.”

You resist the urge to itch at your stupid soulmate tattoo. You wish it was possible to deface, because you’d be heating up the blade to your knife to scar the fucking words right now. Just to get rid of it. You could try cutting the skin out, but that would be too painful and a hundred thousand things could go wrong.

“Shut up.” you snap at him, “Let’s keep moving.”

“We should talk first.” Finnick stands, giving a look to Mags, “I’ll be right back.”

Finnick leaves his trident with her, which obviously means that he’s trusting you right now. To make a point, you leave the glaive against the tree that you were leaning on, giving one last look over the pair of nosy teenagers that are watching every move the both of you make.

You two don’t leave the sight of your new audience, but they’re out of earshot. You make Finnick stand with his back to them, since you’re not comfortable with it.

“I guess this spoils your plans of killing me, huh?”

“What a great way to start a conversation.” you mock a smile, “And just because it’s spoiled for you, doesn’t mean that it isn’t for them.”

“You’re not going to lay a finger on them,” Finnick tells you, like it’s a rule.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I really can.” Finnick says.

It’s enough to set you off. You swing your fist, slamming it into his cheekbone. The pain blossoms over your knuckles the second after he’s stumbling because of the force from the punch. You hold your hand, glaring down at Finnick when he hits the dirt, staring up at you in shock.

“Hey!” Peeta shouts, coming over quickly.

“You’ve ruined everything!” You yell at him, “I can’t win now! I can’t fucking do anything because you’re in the way! I can’t kill you--I can’t kill them! I can’t make it back to my own fucking home because you just had to be friendly with me!

“I’ve lost everything! I’ve lost my alliance, and my sponsors and my fucking dignity following you in here!” you yell, Peeta goes to grab you, but you shove him away, “And just because we’re soulmates you think you can tell me what to do? Fuck you. I don’t have to take this.”

You push past Peeta a second time, grabbing a hold on the glaive as you go to leave.

“Where are you going?” Finnick asks.

“Away, on my own. I don’t need you guys to survive, I don’t need anybody.”

“(Y/n)--”

“I hope you die in here, Finnick.” you go down the hill, “And I hope it’s painful.”

#ilguna #finnick odair #finnick odair imagine #finnick odair oneshot #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair fanfic #finnick odair metanoia #metanoia #metanoia chapter seven

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shou-aizawa · 4 years

Text

drained [dadzawa]

pairings: shouta aizawa & reader

warnings: sleep deprivation

summary: reader has a hard time sleeping and suffers the consequences. dadzawa helps out a lil’.

word count: 1.9k

a/n: alrighty, first post! funnily enough i had a completely different idea for a one shot but my own horrible sleeping habits and exhaustion led to me writing this instead. i’m sure it could be better, after all i wrote it on like.... no sleep, BUT im just happy i got anything written at all!

Y/N could barely keep her eyes open, the need to sleep tugging at her mind persistently and slowing her down. Her movements were heavier, less coordinated; feet dragging along the floor as she walked, nearly dropping her pencil nearly thirteen times in just one lesson. Not to mention her head was aching with no end in sight, a constant thumping at her temples.

It was simple. She was tired. Exhausted. Dead on her feet.

But it wasn’t like she’d stayed awake all night on purpose, god no. She’d laid in bed the night before for hours, tossing and turning, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position no matter how she positioned herself.

By the time five a.m came around, she’d given up trying to fall asleep and chose to get up instead, she had an alarm set for five thirty anyway so what was the harm in getting an even earlier start than usual? It wasn’t the first time she’d done it either, her sleep schedule had been in shambles recently, so it was hard to stick to any solid routine.

She went on a morning jog, breathing in the fresh, morning air and feeling just that little bit more awake. When she got back to the dorms and showered, then fixed herself some breakfast, she was feeling almost normal, as if she’d slept through the night like she was supposed to.

Y/N was foolish enough to let herself be lured into this false sense of security; maybe she would actually make it through the day without much issue, then she could cuddle up in her bed that night and catch up on the sleep she’d missed out on.

Oh how foolish she was.

She lasted maybe three hours into the school day before her lack of sleep began to catch up with her, and her focus crashed. Concentrating on what Present Mic was trying to teach felt gradually more and more impossible. Taking notes? Forget it. Her handwriting was sloppy and the pen just wouldn’t stop slipping out of her fingers.

It was infuriating. Y/N didn’t even realise tears of frustration were pooling in her eyes until one of them dripped down onto her notebook. She gasped quietly in surprise, quickly dropping her pen - on purpose this time - and wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

Once she was sure her eyes were dry, she risked a look around the room. At first glance it seemed as though no one had noticed, but when she looked again, paying more attention this time around, she caught the worried glances some of her friends were throwing her way.

She caught Uraraka’s eye, noticing the worried frown on the girl’s face, and quickly sent a small, hopefully reassuring smile her way. Uraraka didn’t seem exactly convinced… or did she? Honestly Y/N was struggling to decipher the expression on her friend’s face, and decided to just turn back to Present Mic’s lecture, picking her pen back up with a shaking hand.

She could do this. All she had to do was get through the rest of this class, lunch, training, homework, then she could finally sleep. It’d be fine. Definitely.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl from that point on. What Y/N could’ve sworn was an hour, turned out to just be ten, agonising minutes. When the class was finally dismissed for lunch, she packed her notebooks away, only to have one slip from her grasp and fall to the floor with a dull thump, some of the pages crumpling in the process.

She cursed under her breath, reaching down to pick it up, only for it to be lifted by someone else. Could she not do anything by herself?! She glanced up with a frown and was met with the concerned looks of her friends. It was now that she noticed the classroom was practically empty save for her and her friends, and a couple other stragglers. When did time suddenly decide to go faster? It didn’t seem exactly fair.

“Here you go!” Midoriya said quickly, attempting to straighten some of the notebook pages out before handing it back to Y/N. She blinked, then took it carefully, making sure to keep a tight grip on it as she slotted it into her backpack between her other books.

“Thanks,” she said, surprised at how quiet her voice was, but deciding not to dwell on it and instead zipping her backpack up and slinging it over her shoulder before standing up. “I should be more careful, I guess,” she added with a shrug, forcing a chuckle that apparently did nothing to ease her friends’ worry.

“Are you alright, Y/L/N?” Iida spoke up, tilting his head slightly with the question, his brow furrowed with concern more than anything. She couldn’t look that bad, right?

It took her a second to think of a reply. “Me? I’m fine! Why wouldn’t I be?” She said, a nervous laugh following the answer. “You know what I am as well as fine? Hungry. That’s what. Let’s go to lunch already!” She announced, forcing what she hoped was some sort of brightness into her tone, then making her way towards the classroom door.

“I saw you, uhm, crying.. In class earlier,” Uraraka said as she and the other two followed. “Just got a little worried, that’s all,” she smiled slightly, and Y/N felt a pang of guilt for making her friends worry.

“Oh- yeah, that. I just got a bit of dust in my eye, I think,” she said over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway. “I’m sorry for worrying you,” she added, smiling apologetically.

Once again, her friends didn’t seem convinced and Y/N had to wonder if she was really such a bad liar. Not like it mattered. She would be fine by tomorrow, she just had to get through today! She was sure that if she just got some food in her, she would get just enough energy to actually make it through.

Oh boy, was she wrong.

Lunch had gone fine, Y/N had managed to choke some food down and even join in the conversation at her table. She still got the odd worried glance, but she hardly even noticed. For just a little while, she felt better, less… well, dead.

And then training started.

It wasn’t anything that she would usually have a problem with; just some sparring with her classmates. But the problem was she just couldn’t keep up. Her blocks were sloppy, her punches weak, and all the while, a strong headache thrummed in her temples, making her feel as though at any moment she would just lose her lunch.

Not wanting to back out, however, she kept going with training, trying to push herself to be quicker and make herself look less pathetic than she currently did. Her headache seemed dead set on stopping her though, getting stronger with each passing minute.

She was paired up with Kaminari when it all just got too much. In all honesty, the blond kicked her ass. Y/N just lacked the strength to keep herself upright, nevermind raising her arms to attempt any kind of defense, she still tried, she couldn’t just give up so easily.

She’d just smacked one of Kaminari’s punches away, and was taking a second to catch her breath, when his fist came flying back, landing right on her cheek. The impact shook her and she stumbled back, tripping over her own feet and landing on the mat heavily. The pain in her head seemed to double- no, triple, and when she tried to move, to get up, her body barely responded.

“What’d you do, Kaminari?!”

“What do you mean ‘what did I do!?’ I just did what-”

Some part of Y/N knew that she should open her eyes, try to reassure everyone that she was fine, but the rest of her was just relieved to be lying down, to finally be getting some rest. The last thing she remembered was someone calling her name, and a hand on her shoulder, then she slipped into unconsciousness, getting the rest she desperately needed.

When she opened her eyes again, the first thing she saw was a stark white ceiling. She felt a lot more comfortable than she last remembered being, and glancing down at herself she realised she was tucked into one of the beds in Recovery Girl’s office. She was mostly confused, wondering how she’d gotten there and, more importantly, what had happened.

Someone cleared their throat next to her and Y/N immediately sat up and glanced over, eyes wide in surprise. She let herself relax just a little when she saw it was just Mr Aizawa. Emphasis on ‘a little’.

“Mr Aizawa, sir!” She said, coughing a little afterwards, her throat felt way too dry. Her teacher held out a bottle of water, and she took it after a moment’s hesitation, uncapping it and taking a couple small sips. “I- what happened?”

“Sleep deprivation,” the man said simply, and Y/N had a feeling he was familiar with the symptoms himself. “You pushed yourself too hard on too little sleep, and ended up getting knocked unconscious by Kaminari.” He paused. “You gave him a bit of a scare, he thought he’d killed you with that punch.”

The fuzzy memories Y/N had became a little clearer, and she lowered her gaze, fidgeting with the blanket.. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would get so out of hand.”

Aizawa gave her a questioning look, and after a moment she continued.

“I’ve just- haven’t been able to sleep too well recently,” she mumbled. “Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, that kind of stuff. I had a bad night where I just didn’t get to sleep at all and- I thought I could just take a nap after school or something, I felt fine for a while, so I didn’t think it’d be so bad.”

“You can’t push yourself like that, Y/L/N.” Aizawa said, his voice seeming to take on a more gentle tone. “Getting enough sleep is important, it should be a priority. So if you’re struggling to sleep, talk to someone about it; me, Recovery Girl, any of the teachers, really. We’re here to help you after all. Got it?”

Y/N nodded after a moment, taking a deep breath. “Got it. Thank you, Mr Aizawa.”

He nodded too, reaching out and giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze before standing up. “Recovery Girl’s going to keep you on bed rest for a while, just until you can get that sleep cycle of yours back in order. I’ll have one of your friends bring you notes from the classes you missed today so that you can catch up whilst you’re here.”

Y/N frowned, processing that. “Wait- What do you mean- how long was I out for?”

“Just under twenty-four hours, give or take.”

She groaned, mostly out of annoyance at the fact that she now had to play catch up. Aizawa chuckled slightly.

“Don’t stress yourself out, Y/L/N,” he said. “You’ll get back up to speed no problem. For now, just focus on resting, alright?”

Y/N nodded, then watched Aizawa leave. Once alone, she couldn’t resist wrapping herself up in the cozy blankets and letting her eyes slip shut again, drifting off to sleep in a much more peaceful manner this time around.

#mouse writes #bnha #boku no hero acadamia #my hero acadamia #dadzawa #planotnic #whump #bnha oneshots #bnha imagines #shouta aizawa #eraserhead #reader insert #reader #aizawa & reader

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littlekatleaf · 4 years

Text

Buried in a burning flame is love and its decisive pain (9 of 10)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

As Junkrat followed Roadhog into the cabin, he hunched into his jacket. Wished he could just disappear, but had to face the consequences of his cock up. Always rushing in… Shut it, told the voice. Her voice. Wished he knew how it worked, so he could turn it off. Head throbbed like Rein’d been at it with his hammer. Pressed the heels of his hands against his eye sockets. Mech hand’s chill felt good, but the pressure did fuck all to relieve the headache. Worse, though, was the disorientation of seeing her alive and in the flesh all these years later, when he’d almost convinced himself she’d been a figment of his imagination, a piece of fever dream from the infection after losing his limbs.

“Fawkes.” Morrison’s voice burst through the sat comm, sharp and grating - clearly ready to give him a gobful.

Junkrat startled. “Yeah.” Everyone else’d fucked off. Even Roadie’d left him to the dressing down. Some bodyguard he was.

“How can I impress upon you the seriousness of the situation? You ignored my orders…”

“Pig’s arse!” Feeling like shit or not, wasn’t about to take it without an argument. “Ya just asked where Lena was, an’ assumed I’d send her. Said the device needed retrieval, didn’t specify by who.”

A long pause. Not even a sigh. Then, “Technically you are correct. However…” Morrison’s voice buzzed in his ears like a mozzie. Everything feeling fuzzy again and his chest ached where she’d hit him with whatever her light shit was. And his fuckin’ nose was itching. Absolutely not gonna start sneezing in the middle of Morrison’s big speech. He scrubbed at his nose with his wrist and held his breath.

Lena passed the doorway and mimicked Morrison’s ‘blah blah blah’ face. To Junkrat’s disappointment she didn’t interrupt, just kept walking. Had to swallow inopportune giggles else it’d just give him more shit to bitch about. Sheila was right - dipstick always ran on at the mouth. And if he didn’t shut up soon, Junkrat was pretty sure he was going to fall asleep leaning against the wall. Instead, he interrupted.

“Look, I know I fucked it up. Lena made it abundantly clear. How ‘bout we skip the yellin’ and go right to the punishment?”

“I am not your father, Fawkes.” “Fuckin’ right ya ain’t.”

“But I am the commander. You’ve been with us long enough to know how we work. Yet you continue to operate as you’d been, as though Rutledge is the only one you can trust.”

“Goes without sayin’, don’t it?” Junkrat shrugged. “Least I know long as Roadie gets his dosh he’s gonna be there when I need him. Ain’t gonna go jack on me. Can’t exactly trust a bloke gives you a choice between workin’ for a clandestine organization and the lock up.”

Morrison sighed, rubbed a hand over his scarred face, then surprised Junkrat with a small chuckle. “You’ve got a point. But the choice is still yours, Fawkes. If you are dissatisfied with your responsibilities -- if you feel you are overly burdened by the opportunity to turn the tide toward good -- Lena will deliver you to the authorities in London.”

“Call that a choice,” he grumbled, but the possibility caught his attention. Might be able to convince her to drop him off far enough from a cop shop to have a chance of escape. Could claim he jumped her. Hell, could actually jump her - and how disturbing was it that wasn’t his first thought? You know what happens when you let your guard down, Jamison. When you start to trust. Whatever they might tell you… you know the truth.

He did know the truth. All too well. “Gotta talk about it with Roadie.”

“This offer isn't for him. Just you.”

Junkrat frowned. “Ya gonna keep my... bodyguard?” Swallowed back the other thought, other wish. Why wouldn’t they? Here’s the opportunity they’ve been waiting for - prune your dead weight, as they’ve wanted from the beginning. And Rutledge can return to his beloved quiet.

“We need people who are committed to the cause. For all of Rutledge’s… lack of perspicacity when it comes to your jobs, he’s demonstrated more than enough dedication in his life before you.”

Well well. I wonder what, exactly, Jack knows about him that you, for all your years together, do not. Junkrat ground his teeth. He don’t know nothing ‘bout Roadhog. Nothing.

Unless he did. The idea sank to the pit of his stomach where it sat like lead. Didn’t care that Roadie had a life before him - because of course he did - but the idea that he might have talked about it with Morrison, of all people, and that they might have some common ground, besides being old grey-haired dills. Pissed him off. Of course they have things in common, you utter child. You are not exactly the pinnacle of intelligent conversation. Rutledge is far more than he’s ever let on to you.

Let that pass. Who gave two shits about ‘intelligent’? Thing he hated was Roadhog’d shared something about his past, about who he was. About things that mattered. And he hadn’t shared them with Junkrat.

Junkrat’d never pressed him about the time before they met. He’d heard rumors, of course, everyone in Junkertown’d heard about Roadhog, Queen’s biggest, cruelest, most blood-thirsty enforcer… But in their years together Junkrat had begun to realize that some of the rumors were just that and nothing more. Not to say Roadhog wasn’t any of those things - he was all of them. When he needed to be. Junkrat knew Roadhog, knew Roadie… but Rutledge… Mako… he didn’t know. And Morrison… fuckin’ Morrison… did.

“...Fawkes?”

Junkrat blinked. Shit. He’d apparently kept talking and seemed to be waiting for an answer. But couldn’t for the life of him figure what. Took a breath to answer anyway, and suddenly the sneezes he’d been fighting off burst out. “H’gnxt! … H’gnxt!” Just managed to pinch them back, maybe the comm’d miss the sound? And maybe Morrison’d dozed off too, not to see.

“Ah. Lena mentioned you were ill.”

Of fucking course. Junkrat scowled, muscles tightening along his back. Wanted to argue it, but suddenly felt like more trouble than was worth. Especially since Lena’d already said. So he sighed, and muffled the following coughs into his sleeve. “Yeah.”

“We can revisit this when you recover.” Morrison’s voice changed. While it wasn’t warm, exactly, it had lost the edge and bordered on kind. “Do you need Angela to check in?” His eyes narrowed, like he’d be able to read the truth of what Rat said through the screen.

“Nah, I’ll be right. Just gotta sleep.” No call to bring out the big guns, so to speak. Like her name implied, Mercy was the epitome of compassion, but she was still a doctor. Still a scientist, at bottom. Last thing he needed was poking and prodding.

“Very well.” A pause, then, “Let me know if you decide to take the offer.”

The comm connection dropped and Junkrat sagged back against the wall. Fuck. Was all fucked up. Didn’t even need her voice tellin’ him it was his fault. Course it was. Needed to fix it, but how? Had no idea where she’d scarpered off to with the bomb.

What about Morrison’s offer? He’d sounded serious, like it was honest. Maybe that was the solution - let Roadie stay here, help the do-gooders. Forget this… whatever it was between them. And he could… what? Serve his time? Go back to his old life? Without Roadie… what was his old life? He rubbed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. Couldn’t think through the bloody fog in his brain. Sleep would help, but damn - getting to the bedroom felt like a lot of fucking work at the moment. He closed his eyes. Maybe a short nap right here.

“Didn’t think Morrison would actually kill you,” Lucio said, startling him back to himself. “And through the sat comm no less.”

Junkrat snorted. “Still alive, but was a close thing.” He sighed, stretched in an attempt to work the aches out of his body. “Don’t mean to be an arse but I gotta lie down. Bloody fuckin’ knackered.”

“It’s all good. You got meds? There’s stuff in my kit if you don’t.” Lucio hesitated, like he wasn’t sure of how Junkrat would take his words. “And Hana made me promise to tell you that the bed offer was honest.”

Junkrat raised a brow and was rewarded as Lucio’s cheeks darkened in a blush.

“Just for a nap. We’re gonna be busy.”

The other brow joined the first and Lucio smacked his arm.

“Playing video games, asshole.” They laughed together until Junkrat shuddered into a sneeze.

“Huh-r’isssh! Isshew! Fuck.” He sniffed. “I'm disgusting. Not gonna get plague germs in yer bed. Comfortable where I am.”

“Saúde.” Lucio put an arm around him. “You’re not disgusting.”

Junkrat looked at him over the tissues he was using to blow his nose. Then wrenched forward with yet another sneeze.

Lucio laughed. “Okay -- you are disgusting but it’s fine. It’s just the way it is sometimes.”

“Glad to provide amusement.” But even though he pouted, the warmth and weight of Lucio’s arm around him settled his churning thoughts and without really meaning to, he found himself leaning into Lucio. He sighed. “Any chance yer sonic amplifier could get rid of this fuckin’ disease?”

Lucio shook his head. “Doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. It’s only a stopgap measure - keep someone going until their own body can do the work. Sorry, man.”

“Nah, no worries. Sorta figured.”

“Sucks that you’re sick on Christmas.”

Junkrat bit back a groan. Shit - forgot. Christmas. The surprise. Wished he’d chosen an inside sort of thing, but sleep’d take the edge off, least enough to get through the rest of the evening. “It’s a hell of a Christmas gift.” He squinted at the clock. “Would ya mind waking me in a couple of hours?”

“Sure…?”

“Don’t want to end up sleeping straight through - got the fireworks to set off.”

“You sure you still want to do that? It’s gonna be freezing.”

“Not exactly a Christmas prezzy if it’s not on Christmas, is it.” Didn’t want to admit Lucio’s point. He shivered just thinking of going back outside. But the explosions would be worth it. And these were gonna be bloody fantastic. Worked on ‘em way too hard for way too long to be put off by the fuckin’ wog.

“If you’re sure…”

“Thanks, mate.” Pushed himself away from the wall, away from the disquieting comfort of Lucio’s arm and made his unsteady way back to the bedroom.

Where he was disgruntled to find Roadhog sitting on the cot, clearly waiting for him.“Can’t believe you left me to Morrison’s tender mercy.” Even as he spoke, realized it came out more pissy than he intended, but better to be on offense than defense.

Roadhog, of course, just looked at him. Waited.

“Had to give me shit for fuckin up. An’ not trusting them.” Shook his head. “Can ya believe that? Blackmails us to join Overwatch and then is all up in arms because you’re the only one I trust. Like I’m going to depend on any of them when they’re only keeping us around for the demolition.”

Roadhog huffed what sounded suspiciously like disagreement but didn’t say anything.

“Practically killed me. Had to have Lucio rescue me.”

“Sounds like a job for a healer.” Roadhog’s shrug was visible in his voice.

Junkrat surprised himself with a laugh. “All right, ya got a point.” Still shivering, wrapped his arms around himself. “Would ya move; really need a lie down.”

“Take the bed.”

“But ya ain’t gonna fit on that tiny thing.” Gestured at the cot with his chin so he didn’t have to let got of himself.

“I’m not going to sleep in the middle of the day. And you’re sick. Need to rest. Take the bed.” Roadie’s voice was firm, not up for argument. Which was, truth be told, fine with Junkrat. Every aching muscle in his body longed for the comfort of a real mattress. No springs poking him in the side.

“Thanks.” Shrugged out of his jacket and flopped onto the mattress gracelessly. Everything fucking hurt. His muscles, his bones, his hair, his eyeballs. Even his missing limbs. However the hell that worked. Taking off the prosthetics felt like too much work, only to have to put them back on again in a couple of hours. He curled onto his side, wrapping the blankets tight around himself until he was cocooned, and waited for sleep.

And waited. He rolled over, hoping to ease the ache in his back, but laying on his stomach hurt his chest. Rolled back. Waited. He was still fucking cold. Shoulda left the jacket on. His head throbbed in time with the beating of his heart. And he kept feeling like he needed to sneeze, but the urge left off just before explosion.

The room was quiet, ‘cept for Roadhog’s breathing, his own sniffling, and every now and again a page turning. From elsewhere in the cabin a murmur of voices, one of Hana’s video games, music. Lena’s voice, pitched and exited, chased by the darker alto of Emily. Once Mei laughed. Life going on.

Without you. Yeah, and? They clearly don’t need you. They are happy without you. Don’t need them either. Perfectly fine here with Roadie. But even as he thought it, the cot squeaked, then Roadhog’s boots crossed the room and the door clicked open and shut.

You were saying? Laughter in the voice.

Fuck off. Didn’t mean anything, Roadie leaving him here. Or maybe it did. Maybe it meant he’d tied himself up in knots for nothing. Made things other than they were. Always doing that - chasing imaginings, random sparks. Could be one of those times. Snow falling behind his closed eyes, cold seeping through his jacket, his pants, and Roadhog’s non-answer to his question, ‘really don’t think now’s a good time’. Never a good time to tell someone they weren’t nothing more than a job. ‘Specially when they’d clearly confused the bit of comfort they’d taken in each other for something else. Something more.

Shut up, told himself - brain, voice, all. Tugged the blankets over his head. Maybe it would block everything out.

His fitful doze broke when a hand cupped his forehead. Didn’t need to open his eyes - knew the size of it, the callouses, the slight smell of leather and smoke. Roadie. Tried not to think about how good it felt, cool and dry against his own damp heat. “What,” he asked, still half asleep. Voice came out a croak. Cleared his throat, tried again. “What ya want?”

“Lucio said you wanted to be woken. Sent some… Tylenol? Looks like paracetamol or something.” Rattle of pills in a bottle, then clunk of a mug being put on the nightstand. “Mei brewed you a medicinal tea. Smells like moldy leaves, but she swears her Mum always cured her with it.” Another clink, spoon against bowl. “Lena made you soup - chicken noodle, apparently. Less likely to taste like bog water, but I haven’t tried it myself. Presumably she’s a better cook than you. Hana sent a couple fingers of whiskey to wash down the tea. And Satya knitted you this. Said you don’t need to kill anyone?”

Junkrat forced open his eyes to find Roadhog holding up a single mitten, knitted in garish orange and yellow, head tilted questioningly. He coughed a laugh, muffling it in his sleeve. “She knows how much I hate the cold.” Not gonna go into it, not even with Roadie. He sat up carefully, waiting to see which of his body parts protested the movement. All of them. Meds better take the edge off or this was gonna suck. He clenched his muscles against a shiver. The rectangle of window was black - sun had gone down while he slept.

Junkrat shook a handful of pills from the bottle but before he could swallow them all, Roadhog was taking some away. “Oi, what’s the deal?”

“Just two.”

“I wanna feel better faster.”

“Not how it works.”

Junkrat grumbled but gulped two down with the horrible tea Mei gave him. Nearly gagged on it. “Guess she ain’t forgiven me for the bodgy crack,” he said ruefully. Taste on his tongue like compost. The whiskey burned off the taste - and several layers of the skin of his throat as well. Coughed to clear the sting.

Luckily the soup Lena’d made was better than anything he ever managed. Couldn’t taste much, but the heat was soothing to his throat, the noodles soft but not slimy, and even though he couldn’t finish the whole bowl, it settled comfortably in his stomach and he felt warm for the first time in ages. Too bad he was gonna have to go out again. The meds had driven the headache back to a dull throb and when he pushed himself up to stand, he felt solid. He pulled his jacket back on, then tugged on the mitten from Satya - the wool surprisingly soft and not as itchy as usual.

“Oddest mitten I’ve ever seen,” Roadie pointed out as Junkrat wriggled his fingers. She’d ended the hand part at his knuckles.

“Nah, it’s genius. Can still work with the wires an’ all.”

#oversnez #snezfic #constitutionally incapable of writing shortfic #hey it's almost Christmas again soooo #penultimate chapter bitches #party time! Need some fireworks?

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Just Another One

Sequel to: ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’

Corpse Husband x Actress!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Mention of bad past relationships, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: They keep proving each other right in the most wrong ways possible. They each want to be guarded even if that means the other will be hurt. Maybe that’s what they want - to hurt one another because they’ve already hurt each other once before.

Requested by the lovely readers who enjoyed the previous fic ‘A Little Bit Of Honesty’. Sorry for the large time gap between the posting of the two fics but I still hope you guys will take the time to read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love you all with all my heart, Vy ❤

When you go out of your way to avoid leaving the house your options of entertainment are severely limited and you can’t blame anyone or anything but yourself for it. Today, I wouldn’t have gone out of my apartment even if I was one of those people who frequent the outdoors seeing as how the sky is trying to flood the Earth with all this nonstop rain. It does set a mood for a perfect night in but when you spend all your nights in doing the same thing over and over again, the atmosphere is practically meaningless. And so I ‘ve decided to resort to channel surfing as though I’ll find something interesting on TV that I haven’t yet seen on one of my social media timelines.

I pass several cooking channels on my journey, making a mental note of their individual numbers in case I don’t stumble across anything capable of better distracting me from my boredom and loneliness that’s slowly starting to creep in. I pass by a few movie channels showing teenage romcoms as if to celebrate the start of summer so you can imagine how quickly I moved on from those. Then come the celebrity channels which can often get a laugh out of me because of how pathetic and unbelievably ridiculous they are. And so, I stick around one where there’s a broadcast on a movie showing that’s happening tonight in LA. Oddly enough, despite my anxiety, going to a movie showing has always been on my list of things I’d want to do. This can be considered living vicariously or rubbing salt into the wound that I’ll probably never go because my anxiety and fear of being recognized is too severe. Either way I stick around to watch it.

And man do I regret it now looking at several different angels of a couple of actors entering the venue where they are to be photographed and asked questions by the mob of paparazzi that’s gathered due to the massive event. That in and of itself doesn’t sound - and really isn’t - so bad. However, it’s important to note that the actress in this duo is Y/N. Y/N L/N. My Y/N....shit, sorry, I mean my FRIEND Y/N, her arm linked with whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is who is holding an umbrella above the both of them, shielding them from the downpour of rain that is also taking place in LA apparently.

“The two were seen entering the venue earlier this evening, looking particularly cozy in each other’s presence if I do say so myself. The rain probably worked nicely in their favor.“ The first reporter says, her teasing tone of voice sending chills of anger down my spine as I glare at the screen, hands balled in fists, jaw clenched - all my body’s instinctive reactions to what is being shown to me. I know I technically have no right to behave or feel this way, in fact I should be fucking happy for Y/N and her successful career and the progress in her love life. But damn it how can I?! I was so damn close to kissing this girl! I was so fucking close to falling in another trap, tripping and landing in the embrace of another liar and user, another girl who switches partners more often than shoes. How could I’ve been so reckless to get so close to her even platonically? How did we become close enough for me to 1) show her my face; 2) start inviting her over to my apartment regularly; and how didn’t I notice the kind of messed up person she was all that time.

She was all sweet and flirting and shit a week or so ago and now she’s doing the exact same thing with him! The cameras are capturing them perfectly: every laugh, every exchange of a knowing look or nod, ever smack to his arm when he tells a joke. But what bothers me most is the many times he’s wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer. Not just for pictures, but just because the fucker felt like it! And Y/N doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

“They have been the talk of the town recently, so while they could just be adding fuel to the fire, they could also have been caught by the flame and ‘caught feelings’ as they say. Regardless these two are a view we’d like to see more often.“ The other reporter says and that’s the final straw.

In one swift motion I turn the TV off and throw the remote across the room. It hits the wall and falls to the ground in several pieces, broken by the force of the impact. Just like I am broken by the force of the impact of these news. I don’t know which is worse: the fact that I fell for her and almost let her know it; the fact that she’s just another member of the club I don’t want anywhere near my life; or the fact that I can’t believe it.

Yeah that’s right - one foolish part of me refuses to believe that’s she’d do such a thing. I think that’s the same part which is still in awe of her so you can bet I ignore that part the majority of the time.

She is just another one. Not the one. Having been hurt before doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me or anyone else she’s gonna be with. Hurt people hurt people.

And damn has she hurt me, probably without knowing a damn thing. How selfish can you be, Y/N? How selfish can you really get? And how much am I going to allow you to hurt me?

* * *

“Thank you so much, Andrew. I would’ve died on the spot of anxiety if I was on my own.“ I say to my best friend who is currently sitting next to me on a park bench, in a tux, eating a cheeseburger. I too am still in my gown and am also gorging on a cheeseburger of my own.

“Don’t mention it. Us anxious people need to stick together.“ He bumps his shoulder against mine, stealing a small genuine smile from me, “Plus I couldn’t not come with you. You know how much I like a good rumor.“

I scoff, “Of course you do, but then again there was no need to add to what the media has already made a whole-ass ship out of.” I roll my eyes and take another bite. My appetite hasn’t been in its best condition so I’m only eating this under Andrew’s orders. I have no idea how people can ship us romantically, he’s the definition of an older - and very bossy - brother to me. I wish I could tell each and every single one of those girls who hate me because I’ve ‘stolen their man’ that I’d most likely be their sister in law rather than man snatcher, seeing as how my relationship with Andrew is so sibling-like.

That’s because we’re too alike, no one gets that. People play the ‘opposites attract’ car more often than I consider rational. But then again when they see a couple like Andrew and I - who are basically the same person in different bodies - they suddenly think we’re super compatible. Trust me, we’re not. And everyone who’s been on set with us will tell you the same.

“What can I say...“ he shrugs, smirking at me, “I like the fun. I bet Becca doesn’t though.“

I can’t help but huff. Andrew is the only one I’ve ever openly expressed my frustrations with Rebecca to. He was super helpful on the subject, seeing as how he can relate - many partners of his have tried to use him, some of which even succeeded. He’s more than qualified to school me on the topic but it turned more into sharing bad experiences. One of which was that instance back at Corpse’s apartment.

“And neither does Corpse I suppose.“ As though he’s read my mind, he pokes the hurt spot, pouring salt in the wound causing me to visibly cringe as though the pain was physical - because it was, I felt it in my chest and in my gut, a sharp stab of guilt and regret.

Why did I let it come to that? Why did I let us get so close? How did I not think of the consequences?

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.“ My hand automatically reaches for the pocket of the jeans I’m not even wearing in search of a cigarette. Not that I’d be able to light one even if I had them on me - Andrew would smack it out of my hand before I could even take a single puff.

He has the audacity to laugh, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/N.”

That’s all he needs to say really - that’s enough to make me feel seen and understood. Though that’s not always a good thing. I often times wish he couldn’t read me so well. Better said: I wish I didn’t let myself be so readable, you know. I’m just glad he’s the one who sees me because if it were anyone else they’d use this vulnerability of mine against me. I’m well aware that it’s a weakness, a really inconvenient one, but damn it I can’t get rid of it. I feel like I’ll be less human if I lose it. Everyone’s allowed to be vulnerable, some just are lucky enough to choose who they’ll be vulnerable around. I’m lucky enough to to have a choice, not so lucky in the people I choose to trust. Guess that’s not a luck thing, it’s just my inability to decipher whether a person is worth all the pain and torture of coming clean to them or not. So far many people have burnt me but two stick out in particular - Becca and Corpse. Corpse especially, which is the odd thing considering he hasn’t even wronged me in any way. At least not yet.

“Your phone’s vibrating.“ Andrew says, pulling me out of my overflowing head when he hands me my phone which I handed to him because of my dress’ lack of pockets.

“Thanks.“ I mutter through a sigh as I take it from him, checking the notification I’ve gotten.

My stomach drops: it’s a message from Corpse.

“Hey I saw you are in LA but we have a stream tomorrow, will you still be participating?“

Before I can reply, he sends me another message.

“I know you’re probably very busy but we get the most viewership on the streams when you’re in them so....“

I’ve probably been staring at my phone screen for longer than I thought since Andrew felt the need to make sure I was still breathing: “Hey, you ok? You look terribly pale.” I can barely hear him let alone reply. I can’t hear my own thoughts to know what to reply to him. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

I’m scaring myself too, Andrew. I’m scared too. I’m scared of how broken my picker has become. I almost kissed this guy! I almost entrusted all my thoughts, hopes, wishes and goals to him! What the fuck was I thinking?! Well, at least I know what he was thinking about - viewership. Likes, subs, views, publicity. The more eyes on the stream the better for him and everyone else. I genuinely want to applaud him, no one has been so direct about using me before. I was in a relationship with Becca for almost a year before I accidentally found out what she had been doing the whole time. No one’s ever smacked me in the face with this much honesty. It’s bittersweet really.

I want to laugh, I want to cry, slap myself across the face, slap him...I want to do so much, but all I can do now is sit in silence and think of how I could be so stupid.

He’s just another one, how did I not see that? How do I never see it until it’s too late? Why is one part of me still screaming: ‘He didn’t mean it like that!’

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BELIEVE IT?

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bubblyani · 4 years

Text

Deeper Relations: 09

(Freddie Jackson x Reader)

A Freddie Jackson Multi Chapter Series

Chapter 09: The Reveal

Rating: Mature (18+)

Story Requested by: @97freaknik

Summary: Being the youngest sister of Jackie and Maggie, you were quite young when Freddie Jackson went to prison. Upon his return, you cannot help but recall your innocent love you had for him back then. And surprised by your transformation into womanhood, Freddie cannot help but form a desire towards you. Will a dangerously seductive attraction grow between the two of you? What will be the consequences?

Author’s Note: Things are heating up. That’s all I’ll say. Enjoy!

Series Masterlist HERE

Sitting on the bathroom floor, you kept staring at it. The bitter truth you could not avoid. You blinked enough times, hoping to see this was all just a mere illusion. But it was not.

You were pregnant. You were with child.

Finally, you were aware of what emptiness tasted like. The whole world was at the near grips of crumbling down, where all forms of dreams and hopes were about to be crushed. This was never in your agenda to begin with. Pregnancy was never supposed to arrive at a time when you least expected it. You did not want it to be bad news. You wanted to look forward to it. Only at the right time. When you were properly married and ready. Not like this.

And with that cruel realization, your body started to panic. Your breathing quickened whilst your heart beat increased. What were you to do? Who could you confide this in? For the first time, you had never felt so alone.

Another horrible query dawned on you. Freddie. Oh god, what would Freddie say? How on earth could you even reveal this to him? Salty tears ran down your cheeks so quickly as your shoulders began to shake. Fully overwhelmed and afraid, you cried. But quietly.

A few minutes later, you were drained to the core. But at the same, your sanity returned to you. And that was when you knew, the only way to make any further decision was to get professional advice.

And just like that, you retouched your makeup, and went to see a doctor.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Two days later)

Amusing how the previous Family Dinner was something you looked forward to, for this time you did not to the slightest. This emotional rollercoaster did not seem favorable to your health. You longed for some peace in the end of the day. But for the moment, social gatherings did not seem ideal for your state of mind.

You attempted your hardest to maintain the mood as last time, but the attempts seem moot. For all you were tempted to do was nothing. Fortunately, your mother decided to help you with the dinner preparations so all hope was not lost.

Yet you had to wear that enthusiastic smile, like a mask.

“Is Freddie not coming today, Jacks?” Maggie asked her sister casually at the dinner table. Whilst barely chewing the food, your eyes turned to them with attention. You noticed his absence from the start of the evening itself, yet the nervous thought of seeing him distracted you.

“He’s taking care of some stuff.” Jimmy answered, right before Jackie could even start. And given her look of embarrassment, it was evident she clearly did not know the reason for her own husband’s absence. Her recent behavior and the increasing usage of pills implied enough: she definitely was not happy with Freddie, and neither was he.

The bell rang, making you get up in an instant.

“It must be the delivery…” You said, abruptly leaving the dinning room. Your mother had ordered some wine from the bar, only it came in last minute.

“Thanks, Jim. Goodnight” Waving to the deliveryman, you struggled with the two bottles and change money. Pushing the door slowly, you moved towards the living room table. With the two bottles safely on the coffee table, you put the change in the pocket of your jeans.

“You ought to be more careful closing the door”

A familiar voice tickled your ear, making you gasp as you turned back. Before you could even greet him, Freddie Jackson attacked you with a hungry kiss.

With lips still intact, you felt yourself being pulled into the bathroom nearby. Closing the door, his desperation was evident with his passionate kisses.

“Fuck! I missed you…” he breathed into your lips. Spinning you around, he held you against him, both facing the mirror over the sink top, as he began to grind. He held you tightly by the waist, rolling his hips against yours, making sure his manhood brushed over your buttocks. It was true. Ever since you found out of the big news, you had been avoiding Freddie for the last few days. Even when a rendezvous was planned, you skipped it with intention.

With your hands resting on the sink, you kept quiet. No matter how much pleasure you could be receiving right now, you did not have the heart to utter a single word. And truthfully, your face wasn’t helping either. Cold and concerned, it finally got through to Freddie. The moment he noticed it, he stopped.

“Babe, you alright?” Nervous, you barely looked at his reflection. With your lips pressed together, you barely answered. Concerned, he wrapped his hands around you, nestling his face on your neck as his voice grew soft.

“You being quiet is not normal, cupcake” he said, “Come on…what is it?” He purred, “How’s my girl feeling?” He said, in an attempt to calm you down.

Freddie Jackson’s way of calming you down was quite the opposite of what any other normal person would do. He knew sensual care would do the trick, the more you were cared for, you’ll be aroused but also honest. And that was what he strived for. He kissed the most intimate areas of your neck. He unhooked your bra to relieve some tension of your body. His hands traveled under your shirt, digging under your loosened undergarment to allow his callused thumbs run over your breasts. Because that what you liked, and he knew it well. As much as your body managed to respond with goosebumps or erect nipples, your heart was not ready to disclose anything. How could you? Were you ready to spill the beans, just so you could see his look of disgust or disappointment, and have him leave you? Your eyes kept looking at the door nervously.

“Oh I know whats going”

When Freddie spoke, you stared at him bated breath. What could he possibly know? “You’re uncomfortable with everyone here, right?…” he said, “Worried we might get caught, yeah?” He added with a mischievous smile. Sighing softly, you gave a tight smile to cover up everything, yet no answer. But Freddie did not mind. Instead he was just impressed.

“Good girl, not even talking…commitment innit? ” he said, giving a light smack on your buttocks, “Alright…” he said, as he opened the door, “ I’ll catch you later…cupcake” he winked.

Closing the door with the lock, you quickly sat on the closed toilet. Close call, you thought. But you did not like it. Being so secretive with Freddie was not your intention. It made you sick. You loathed being disloyal to him. This was unavoidable. You had to tell him soon. Taking a deep breath, you decided to go for it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Two days later)

The second hand on the clock was loud enough, you knew how quiet everything else was. Your hands were clasped together as you sat on the side of the bed, waiting. When Freddie decided on the next rendezvous, you did not hesitate to accept. You even arrived at the Rose Gardens Hotel much earlier than planned, finding enough time to gather your thoughts and courage to face him. Your flow of thinking suddenly made a halt when the door opened. Looking up you saw Freddie was standing there, watching you. Lust brimmed from him. Understandable, give his frustration of not being with you for a considerable number of days.

“Well well…look what we have here?” He purred “Someone’s early”. 

You sat up, and you watched him, walking towards you. Smiling shyly was all you could do when he stood right in front you. Fingers resting on your head, he slowly undid your ponytail, pulling out your loose wavy hair, letting the fingers entangle around your locks.

Truthfully, you missed his touch. to be honest. But the stress you underwent overpowered you. Taking your hand, he pulled you up to stand.

“Now that’s a pretty dress you’re wearing, Cupcake…”   He muttered. His eyes washed over your short white dress with black polkadots. With the buttons in the front and the length reaching only up to the end of your buttocks, it was quite a ravishing sight for him. You felt his hands move from your shoulders down your back, finally resting on your posterior, cupping the buttocks tight. He groaned, closing his eyes to savor it. His lips grew closer to yours in the process. Except for the first time ever, you pushed him away. “Freddie…I…” you paused, “I need to talk to you” Confused, he nodded, “Yeah sure…” Holding his hand, you pulled him over to sit next to you on the bed. You had to do this. For it was vital. “What’s the matter, babe?” Freddie asked. You exhaled deeply. You really could not believe you were finally about to reveal this. “Do you love me?” You asked. It made him raise his eyebrows. “What?” “It’s a simple question Freddie…” you chuckled, “Do you love me?” “Of course I do, babe” He said without any hesitation “I love you…” “Do you love me regardless of whatever might happen?” You asked, as nerves built up even more. “Yeah I do” “Cause if you don’t, then I understand…it’s perfectly fine-” “Babe, what the bloody hell is going on-” “I’m pregnant” And finally, Freddie quietened.

You said it. You said it at last. Speechless. He was speechless. Regardless of what he might say, you told yourself you could handle it. If not happy, you could always get rid of it. You were early enough to do so anyways. But the fact he did not respond yet, it killed you.

“You’re sure?” He finally spoke in a low voice, still surprised.  “Yeah…the doctor confirmed it” You replied softly. You watched him slowly nod. Only you blinked twice to see a soft smile emerging from him. “Fuckin’ hell…” his lips curling up into a smile, “This is wonderful” Your eyes widened. “Really?” “It’s bloody brilliant” He said joyfully, voice filled with emotion. He said it as if he just heard the best news ever, “Y/N…” he said, clapping his hands, “We’re gonna have a fuckin’ baby” This all felt unbelievable, even when he pulled you into an embrace. He held you so tight, you felt his heartbeat, “Oh this is just great news…I’m so happy” he continued, “Oh! imagine how bloody adorable our baby’s gonna be?” He said as he looked at you. “Our baby?” You asked, surprised. Freddie nodded, putting one hand over your belly. “Yes, Our baby…” That afternoon, there was no sex. But it was certainly better. You were relieved beyond all measure. Laying together in bed, you stayed in his loving arms, enjoying his warm forehead kisses. Safe, you felt safe once again. But like clockwork, a dark cloud came over your sense of happiness, making you sit up with concern. “But…” you began, “...this doesn’t make things easy for us, you know?” “What do you mean?” Freddie asked, sitting up. You sighed. “What we have, this relationship…no one knows about it. It’s a Secret” You continued, “You’re married. And worst of all, you’re married to my sister-” “Who I don’t fuckin love anymore” he insisted, in hopes to make you feel better. “Still…it’s not easy” you said worriedly, “I’m scared Freddie” “Hey Hey…” pulling you to another embrace, he comforted you, “I’ll be here. I promise you that” he murmured ,stroking your head, “Freddie will figure something out.” Cupping your face, his gaze held you so sharply, “All I want you to remember is that…I love you, Y/N” Your eyes welled up with tears. It couldn’t be helped. You were moved to the point your lips quivered. The assurance was certainly comforting.

“I love you too”  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(4 days later)

Freddie Jackson was indeed a piece of work. As promised, he actually figured it out. Part of it at least. Amidst the sounds of the cutlery, plates and conversation in the Family Dinner the following week, you cleared your throat.

“Everyone…I uh…have an announcement to make…” You said. Suddenly all grew quiet. Unaware of what you were about to say, most of them looked positively uninterested.

“Um…I decided to move out” Finally, uninteresting was not the case anymore. Eyes were widened, they indicated surprise. All except Freddie’s.

“What? You’re moving out?” Lena asked. To which you nodded.  “Yeah...me and a few mates decided to move together…” you said. “Why?”   “Because It’s easier for me that way. With university and everything. Besides, I’m not a kid anymore” You lied, you lied outright with no shame. But you were right about one thing: you were not a kid anymore. You were a responsible adult. A responsible adult moving out to hide one’s pregnancy. Awkward silence filled the room. “So…Who’s going to live there?” Maggie began to speak. You shrugged your shoulders. “Oh..just me and a few girls …” you replied. Lies. It was just going to be you. “Did you all already find a place?” “Yes Jimmy, one of the girls already found a place” More lies. It was Freddie who managed to find the place to his surprising convenience. Perhaps it was the manner you announced it, perhaps it was the volume of your voice. But nevertheless, everyone did nothing but merely nod in acknowledgement. It seemed that you moving out was never expected.

“I know this is all very sudden but…” you said, “I think it’s the right decision”

Silence only meant agreement here. And finally, you were free. Truthfully you did not care for what the others thought of this. Just announcing this and making it known was enough for you. Accidentally catching Freddie’s eye, you watched him wink at you. Responding with a soft smile, you exhaled deeply. Grateful you were indeed for him, finding a place like that. Far away from the family, it was just the perfect place for both of you to get away from all this. Relief washing over oneself, you recovered your appetite instantly.

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(4 days later)

“A pint of Lager for you, Y/N?” JImmy’s enthusiastic voice woke you from your pondering. Chuckling nervously, you shook your head. “No thanks, Jimmy” you said shyly, “Long night tonight…” “Alright…then I’ll get you a coke” with no judgment, he rushed over to the fetch the drinks. “Thanks” You said, sighing with relief. You were more than surprised when both Maggie and Jackie asked you to join them and their significant others for drinks one evening. If only this could have happened before nature prohibited you to drink cause of your unborn child. But that was only for you to know. Being quiet at the bar was usually not your style. But that was your mode tonight. Not because you disliked the company, you were just fatigued. Whilst sipping your coke, you carefully observed the two couples interacting. The energies exuded from the two groups felt polar opposite. Warmth, that was your impression of Maggie and Jimmy. Rife with positive energy, pure and wholesome, they smiled with every inch of their bodies, they talked with passion, they had dreams and it showed in their eyes. On the contrary, you could sense nothing but Chill from Jackie and Freddie. Distant, inattentive, they were the symbol of two individuals who have given up on love, given up on trying to fight for one another. The thought of a life for yourself made you concerned. Looking at Freddie, all you hoped for was a life where nothing close that even could crawl over. You would never give up on him. You just hoped he would not give up on you as well. Suddenly, nature called. “Excuse me...Off to the loo” You said, getting up with a smile. “Oh...I’ll join you” Maggie suddenly said. “Me too...” So did Jackie. Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “Alright...” you muttered, as they eagerly followed you to the restroom. Something seemed strange and you certainly did not seem right. As soon as Jackie locked the restroom door, you knew your intuition was accurate. Standing next to each other, the sisters faced you as if a fight was to take place. “Alright Y/N...” Maggie began, to you surprisingly chuckled. “I knew you two didn’t have to tinkle” you said, pointing at them. Jackie scoffed, folding her arms. “Of course…”she said, “We were trying to get you alone”. Her face growing even more serious, Maggie’s eyes did not blink. “What’s going on?” She asked. “What do you mean?” You asked back, before anyone could answer you changed your mind, “Nothing!” You added. “I found a pregnancy test in your room” Maggie said. You quietened. Feeling sentimental by the discovery, you decided to keep the test stick in your cupboard. So anyone snooping in your room would obviously find it. Yet, you were shocked. Could she be knowing more? “Why...why would you even go there??” You snapped in anger. “Does that really matter,Y/N?” Jackie said, raising her eyebrows. Coming closer to you, Maggie held your hand. “Y/N...” she began, “Are you pregnant?” Looking at her, you knew you had to be mature. Handling this with little damage was key. You took a deep breath, before nodding reluctantly. They knew, but the fact you finally admitted just made it all seem very real. And they seemed to have difficulty accepting it. Their reactions may not have been loud, but they were affected. “Who’s the father?” Jackie asked a few seconds later. She gasped, “Is it Marcus?” “I...rather not say” You replied nervously. Truthfully she would be the last person you would disclose the truth. As their reactions were silent and lengthy, you grew desperate. What were they thinking about? “Please...” Clasping your hands together, you begged,“...don’t make a big deal about this...” You continued with desperation, “the father knows and we decided to keep it” You added, “so it’s all good. It’s actually...one of the main reasons I’m moving out” you finally admitted quietly. Attempting to process the news, the sisters kept their composure. “I never imagined you having a baby so soon” Maggie said. You could not agree more. “This is so sudden” Jackie added, worried for you. “Yeah ...“ you added, “…but I’m actually excited” You said with an involuntary smile. The change in your tone, the hope that glinted in your eyes, they were finally convinced. Along with that came relief. “Awww Y/N...” You were surprised when they both hugged you tightly. Hugging them back, you felt even more relieved. It was true, to have the baby of someone you truly loved, was indeed a blessing for you. “But please don’t tell Mum yet. I’ll let her know in the right time” Your voice was muffled in the midst of their embrace, “Promise Me! Promise!” Pulling away, you begged, looking at both of them. “Don’t worry love, we will be here for you” Jackie surprised you with that comforting phrase. With a pat on the shoulder, she left. Maggie however, walked with you. “Whatever you do..”she said “…don’t let this ruin your life...your education”. You could sense she had high hopes for you. And you adored her more for that. You smiled. “I won’t....”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As you stirred awake, you turned to the side, sleepily hugging the pillow closer to your body. The fatigue seemed to have lasted throughout the entire night, waking up was difficult. And now you were as exhausted as someone with a horrible hangover. And you did not even touch a drop of alcohol. Reliving the memory of last night, you suddenly found yourself smiling. For there was one moment that you did not want to forget.

The moment you felt nauseous out of the blue. Amidst the loud and entertaining conversations, you needed to throw up fast. Stumbling after excusing yourself, you remembered how you ended up in the back exit instead of the restroom, throwing up on the side. Bile was all that you could taste of yourself as you kept gagging. Throwing up at a bar, nothing suspicious nor outrageous. Yet it could have been comforting to have someone by your side throughout the ordeal. Someone to hold your hair, and calm you down. And the last thing you preferred to do was to burden your sisters again after the last reveal.

As if your prayers were heard, you felt your hair being pulled back. You felt a warm hand rest on your back. Only to find it was Freddie.

Wiping your mouth with one hand, you slowly stood up straight. Your face turned red with embarrassment as he paid close attention to you. “And so… begins the madness”

You said shyly chuckling. He did not laugh, only reached his hand out to place it on your non-existent baby tummy. As much as you liked it, you reluctantly pushed it away, worried someone might see.

“How did you even come h-”

Shushed, you were shushed when he proceeded to place a soft kiss on your forehead. Warmth trickled down your head. Quickly absorbed in to the skin, you felt replenished , you felt cleansed, you felt cared for. Yo felt loved. Amidst all this, he just wanted to make you feel better.

“Don’t forget that I’m here, babe” he breathed, cupping your face.

Breathing in deeply, you realized he has not smoked today. Only the whiff of his intoxicating cologne had reached your nostrils. Heart beat suddenly increased when your eyes caught his lips moving closer to yours.

“No..I just threw up…” you shyly looked down, as insecurity took over. To which he just chuckled. “Don’t… fucking… care” he said, kissing you softly on the lips. You were always blessed by his lips. And now it really felt like the touch of an angel. Humming, he seemed pleased. “Mmm…I fuckin love your lips” he purred. Pushing him away, you chuckled.

“Stop! someone will see…go inside! will you”

Smiling even though you were half awake, you remembered how he flashed his signature grin before walking back into the bar. You remembered the physical relief you experienced , and was aware of the challenges pregnancy will bring you.  

Regardless, it really was a moment worth remembering. Cuddling the pillow tighter, you thanked the gods for letting Freddie be there by your side to face all obstacles. You were ready for anything. Simply anything.

A thundering knock on the door made fully woke you from your dream state. The knocking was aggressive and desperate. And it did not cease. Concerned, you jumped out of the bed to open.

Only to find it was Maggie.

But you could not sigh in relief, especially when you saw her face. Gaunt and traumatized, her lips remained tightly pressed. Before you open your mouth, she quickly entered the room to lock it tight.

Another obstacle, you thought. But you were ready, you thought.

“Maggie? ” you began, fixing your messy hair, “Are you okay?”

She did not answer. Instead she merely took a few deep breaths. As if trying to gather her thoughts which were scattered everywhere. A few seconds later, she turned to your direction. And it frightened you.

“I’m your sister…right?” she asked. You nodded silently.

“And I think…” taking another breath, she continued heavily, “as your sister…I deserve to know the truth. The truth of what’s really going on…”

Her voice, it was grave. It was low. Speechless, you were on an internal debate on how to proceed.The truth of what? Which lie? You did not know.

“From this minute on…” she said, as her voice broke, “I want to tell me the honest truth. Only the truth, Y/N…”

Impatient, you only grew more frustrated. “Maggie, What tru-”

“Is Freddie…” Maggie paused. With wide eyes and a heart filled with worry, she took a deep breath to finally finish her desperate inquiry

“…is Freddie the father??”

Completely frozen, you suddenly regretted being brave. You wished for a do over, so you could erase all that had happened. For you just did not want to face the consequences.

——————————————————

Chapter 10 (FINAL Chapter) HERE

Tagged: @starlightmornings @rogerfxckingtaylor @daydreamerinadazedworld @courtney-thevixeniris @kimmietea @shigarakitomuraxxxdabi @tealaquinn @rach5ive

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rocksandrobots · 4 years

Text

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 15 - The Arrest

Hiro was familiar with the routine of being arrested. The act of having handcuffs slapped on him and being placed in a waiting room next to a holding cell until his aunt could pick him up, didn't bother him. It was the thought of what would come after that made him nervous.

This was the second time he'd gotten into trouble for bot fighting in the past six months. He had tried so hard to do better since Tadashi's death, but he still somehow fell short. No matter his excuse, Aunt Cass was going to be furious. Worse than that, she was going to be disappointed.

The thought of letting her down, especially after seeing her go through so much recently, made his stomach churn and his mind race with worry. So of course his anxiety only went through the roof when his new friend decided to not to take the arrest seriously.

Varian was all smiles, full of charming wit and seemingly benign curiosity. He aimlessly talked with the police and with the fellow criminals equally, not caring that most ignored his friendly chatter nor for the fact that half of them were willing to kill him only moments ago.

"Hey, would you look at this cell?" Varian cheerfully asked no one in particular as he peered through the bars at one of the empty jail cells. He held onto the iron bars with both hands, leading back on his heels and swung his head back towards Hiro and the police officer with them. "These are a lot nicer than the ones in Corona. They even got toilets! Which one do we get?" He flashed them both a wide grin and Hiro could only look at him in confused horror.

Sergeant Gerson wasn't amused. "Are either of you, of, or over the age of eighteen?" He asked in a tired voice as he removed Hiro's handcuffs.

"No."

"Then you'll both wait out here until your parents or legal guardian can come and bail you out. The holding cells are for adults only." Gerson drone on.

"You mean you don't arrest people under eighteen?" Varian asked in disbelief.

"Oh you're still under arrest alright," The sergeant explained, "but we don't put minors into jail cells."

Now it was Varian's turn to look confused. "Not ever? Not even if they do something really bad, like theft or something?"

"Nope. This is just the police station. You're here until you pay bail or are released. If charges are pressed, you then have to go to court and there your sentence is decided. Typically minors are sent to a juvenile correction facility if their crime is severe enough."

Varian turned his eyes upwards and screwed his lips in thought as he tried to process this new information. "You mean that there's a dungeon just for children?" He asked slowly.

"If you wanna call it that, sure." Gerson shrugged. He was a little surprised by the kid's wording but then again too tired to care. He'd been in the force for ages and was getting on in years so he just chalked it up to 'kids these days and their slang.'

As Gerson removed Varian's own cuffs, the teen mulled over the differences between the legal system here and in Corona. “Weeell.. What if the kid in question does something really, really, bad, like murder? Do they still go to this ‘juvenile correction facility’?”

“Depends,” Gerson shrugged, “what state are we talking about and what degree of murder?”

Varian rubbed the wrists of his now free hands. He wasn’t sure what a ‘degree of murder’ was so he simply asked, “Uhhh… assassination?”

“Well now, then you’d go to federal court, that is, ‘ Gerson paused and looked around,’ if the CIA doesn’t get you first.” he whispered conspiratorially.

“Ahhh… the elite guard.” Varian concluded as if he knew exactly what the CIA meant.

“Uhhh, can we change the subject now?” Hiro interrupted. He stood off to the side looking back and forth between the two of them nervously. Sergeant Gerson may have thought of Varian as just nothing more than some weird precocious kid, but Hiro knew there was more to it than that. His friend was asking all these questions because he genuinely didn’t know anything about their judicial system, but the subject of the questions, paired with the glib way Varian asked them, unnerved Hiro.

Fortunately, Hiro was spared any more uncomfortable conversions about the nature of the American justice system when Chief Officer Cruz walked in.

‘Hiro, your aunt has been called and she’s on her way. You can wait out in the lobby for her instead.” he said. “As for your friend, I have a few questions about his records. If you’ll follow me.” Cruz indicated that Varian should come with him and the boys filed out of the holding room followed by Sergeant Gerson.

“Bye, Louie!” Varian called out and waved at the cell full of criminals as he left.

The last thing Hiro saw before the door closed was ‘Louie’ giving a little wave back in surprise only for his boss, Yama, to smack him in the back of the head for being friendly to the kid that had humiliated him earlier.

------------

Hiro sat waiting in the lobby of the police station as he swung his heels together nervously, his feet still not quite reaching the floor yet. Sergeant Gerson had moved back to his customary place behind the front desk and was busying himself with paperwork. Meanwhile, he could see the silhouettes of Varian and Chief Cruz behind the frosted window pane of the office door. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but Cruz had mentioned something about records. Hiro could only hope that Professor Granville had been thorough enough in forging Varian’s documents.

Just then the door opened and Varian sauntered out, still looking as unperturbed by the arrest as ever. He turned back around to face the chief of police again though, as Cruz continued to ask him questions.

“And you’re sure you haven’t any legal guardian or adult sponsor here in the states?” He pressed.

Varian just shrugged and paused as if an idea just struck him. “My college roommate is nineteen, does that count?” he offered.

“Hardly.” was Cruz’s annoyed response. Student visa or no, Cruz wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a minor being abroad without any adult supervision, and he couldn’t believe that the kid had gotten past customs with just a college acceptance letter. Well, no, he could believe it, he just didn’t approve of it. Who was the kid to call upon when he needed help? Like now, for instance.

Cruz was just contemplating calling the head of the university, to give the woman a piece of his mind if nothing else, when Hiro’s aunt burst through the front doors. She spotted Hiro and ran to him first, wrapping him in a big hug.

“Are you okay?” She asked, as she still held him.

“I’m... I’m okay.” Hiro admitted not returning the hug, guilt still pricking at his mind.

Aunt Cass eventually let go of him and walked over to speak to Cruz. She and Cruz had been childhood friends growing up and she owed him a great deal for not throwing the book at her nephew. Hiro was a multiple offender and his age couldn’t shield him from his consequences forever.

“I am so sorry, Diego, but thank you for calling me first. I’m sure after today Hiro will think twice about bot fighting again.” She said sternly while looking directly at her nephew and Hiro shrunk under her glare.

“Oh, Hiro wasn't ‘bot fighting. I was.” Varian explained. All three looked at him in surprise as he continued. “I didn’t know that it was illegal and Hiro was only there to warn me. He tried to get me to stop, but I didn’t listen. So it’s my fault, if you want to blame someone. Hiro didn’t do anything wrong.”

The adults exchanged glances while Hiro only looked at Varian appreciatively.

“Hiro, is this true?” Aunt Cass asked and her nephew nodded yes.

“He didn’t have a robot on him when arrested.” Cruz admitted, basically confirming Varian’s story.

“Soo, now what?” Aunt Cass asked looking back at Cruz.

There was another silence as everyone waited for the chief of police’s decision. Cruz heaved a sigh of resignation. “I suppose, given that you’re not from San Fansokyo and are a first time offender, I can let you both go with just a warning this time.”

Everyone perked up at the news but before they could bestow any gratitude the officer continued. “However, I’m still not comfortable with releasing a minor without an adult on hand to grant custody to.” He gave Varian a stern scowl as he said this.

“Maybe I could take him?” Aunt Cass gently offered. “I’ll make sure he makes it back to the dorms safely.”

“Alright then,’ Cruz relented. “I leave him to you Cass.” And with that the chief went back to his office to finish work and the trio made to leave.

------------

As they walked out of the building into the late afternoon sun, Varian gave a wide grin and was just about to thank Aunt Cass for helping him, when she whirled around and gave the teen a furious glare.

“What were you thinking!?” She snapped and for the first time that day Varian’s cheery façade fell away. He stood there stunned by her sudden change in demeanor and hurt by her accusatory question.

“Get in the car.” She ordered before Varian could offer up any defense and both teens sulkily obeyed.

------------

Aunt Cass was beside herself with anger and anxiety. There was also another, more disturbing feeling, that she couldn’t quite name at the back of her consciousness, like a cross between a half forgotten nightmare and deja vu. The phone call, the police station, walking out with two teenagers in tow; it all felt eerily familiar and yet somehow, off.

She was repeating history and yet it wasn’t Tadashi that sat across from her now. She kept glancing over to the dark haired boy slouching in the front seat, reminding herself that it wasn’t actually her child sitting there, back from the grave.

With a deep breath, she took a look through the rear view mirror to see Hiro sitting in the back. He had just finished texting his friends telling them where he and Varian were at.

“Is Baymax with them?” She asked.

“Yeah, he’s with them.” Hiro replied and put his phone back in his pocket. He knew his aunt would want to start lecturing them soon and he knew it’d be best if he paid attention to that.

“So” Cass asked, “do you want to tell me why you were at the bot fight today?”

The question was mostly for Varian since he had been the one to participate in the competition, but the teen only remained silent. He instead stared ahead out the windshield not wanting to meet her gaze.

“Well, I hope you realize now how dangerous and reckless that was. You were incredibly lucky the police showed up when they did, and that Officer Cruz was willing to let you both off with just a warning.” She admonished and gave a meaningful glare at the rear view mirror; hoping Hiro would see how serious she was and realize that he too wasn’t fully off the hook. He did see and wiggled uncomfortably in his seat. Varian, however, still gave no indication that her words had reached him.

“You could have been hurt,” She continued, “or gotten yet another blemish on your record. And for what? Money? Bragging rights? You’re both so smart and have such bright futures ahead of you. Why waste that on a game?” She slammed the brakes hard as they came to a red light, growing more frustrated by the lack of acknowledgment from the blued eyed teen. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been down to that police station in the past two years? It’s not a pleasant experience to know your child is in trouble. It’s.. well, it’s frightening, is what it is. A million questions run through your mind. Are they hurt? Did they hurt someone else? Will they be let back out? Am I going to have to close the shop again? I hope you keep that in mind next time you want to go show off your robot making skills.”

“Yes ma'am.” Came the hollow whisper from Varian. It was an automatic response, one meant to placate rather than confirm anything the other person had said. Varian wasn’t used to lectures. Even back home when his father would get on to him for something, it was usually just a single order or a weary sigh of disappointment. Quirin had always been a man of few words. Hiro’s aunt however never seemed to run out of words. Had it been anybody else, he may have not cared, but the woman had been so kind to Varian that he now felt nauseous with guilt.

Aunt Cass huffed in exasperation. She wasn’t getting through to him. And why would she? She wasn’t his mother. He barely knew her outside of the few times he’d come over to visit her nephew. There was nothing to it, she’d have to call the boy’s father and let him know what had happened. Though she had no idea what time of day it was in, where was it, Russia, no, Corona?

“I’d ground both of you if I could, but I can’t. So we’ll just have to call your father once we get back to the café.”

That got his attention. Varian looked at her wide eyed with fear and even Hiro seemed worried at that.

“You better have his number ready when we get there. No weaseling out of it.” She ordered. “Just think what your father will say when he knows you’ve been arrested.”

The face Varian gave her when she said that statement nearly broke her heart. He looked like he was about to cry. But there was no time to dwell on why he was so upset as the light changed to green again and she had to focus on driving instead. However just as the car began to move she heard the sickening sound of a car door opening and feet hitting the payment.

“Varian!? What are you doing!?” Hiro called out and Aunt Cass turned just in time to see Varian running away from the car and across the street. She froze in horror as the boy dodged oncoming traffic and the cars behind her began to loudly honk their horns, ordering her to move. She only unfroze when she saw Varian make it to the sidewalk, breathing a sigh of relief. Only to sharply inhale again, when she saw him take off running once more down an alleyway and out of sight.

Her mind raced. What could she do?

“You want me to go after him?” Hiro asked.

“You stay in this car young man!” She ordered. She wasn’t about to have two children lost in the city. Coming to a decision, she made a U-turn and headed back to the police station.

------------

Varian ran. He ran past buildings, parked cars, and street vendors. He pushed his way through crowds and ducked down dark alleys. He ran until his legs ached and his chest stung with each breath but still he kept on going, blindly turning every which way, not really caring where he went. He only knew that he needed to get away. Away from this strange city and away from his shame.

Neon signs flashed above and tall glass and metal spires towered over him, increasing his anxiety. What was once a world of wonder now seemed frighteningly alien. The swarms of oddly dressed people that surrounded him started to make him feel claustrophobic as they passed by without giving him a second glance. He just wanted to go home, back to the normalcy of the green fields and the warm fireplace that he would sit by in the kitchen. Where he could look out the window towards the forest and see the stars in the sky as he curled up with a good book or a hot cup of cocoa that he’d managed to save up for.

Finally, he came to the large bridge that connected the metropolis to the other side of the bay. There he saw the inviting woodland in the distance and took off down it’s walkway. The sun was beginning to set and city lights started to twinkle in the distance as he made his way across. Tears stung his eyes but he dared not stop to wipe them.

He made it to the other side as night began to settle and the moon started to hang overhead. He ran along the side of the road for a little ways more before taking a sharp turn and diving straight into the forest. The ground was rougher here and he stumbled once or twice over a root or a rock he didn’t see in the dark, but still he kept on running.

He only stopped when he came to the foot of a giant tree. It wasn’t like any other he’d seen before, massive in size and shooting high into the night sky, but it smelt kind of like a pine or a spruce, but not quite. Whatever, at least it wasn’t another skyscraper, he thought as he collapsed next to the thick trunk, his hands digging into the soft red bark of the tree. He slid down to the forest floor as he began to sob and other more familiar scents and sounds assailed his senses. The smell of earthy moss, the rustle of tree leaves above, the damp grassy ground soaking through his coat, all of it reminded him of the woods near his home and helped to calm his nerves.

He shuttered another sob and choked back tears. He didn’t know what to do any more. He didn’t want to face anyone he knew or think about how he’d let his father down, again. All he wanted was just to be back where he belonged though he knew deep down that he could never return to that place in time two years ago. He huddled under the tree, resigned, and cried himself to sleep.

#hiro #aunt cass #Hiro Hamada #varian #officer cruz #tangled #big hero six #BH6 the series #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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nathalie-sancoeur-assistant · 5 years

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Miracle Queen

At long last, my late Miracle Queen analysis is here....I apologize for the wait, this would have been out yesterday but unfortunately I realized I had places to be.

As usual, spoilers are below

Marinette and Luka

DId anyone else take Marinette asking Luka about that “perfect tune” as a different take on asking someone out? Because she asked about it, but then Luka didn’t play it because she was still thinking about Adrien. Then at the end of the episode, he ass “Are you sure you want to hear it” after she was done thinking about what Master Fu said about life not always giving you what you want or expect but it not necessarily being a bad thing.

Low-key I interpreted the end of Miracle Queen being the start of a Lukanette relationship.

And he pulled a Chat Noir here.

“No!” for once when Adrien doesn’t want someone’s advances they actually stop. Kagami respect.

“I mean, yes!” This boy is so confused... I mean, clearly he likes Kagami. He could probably see himself being in a sucessful relationship with her but he’s so confused by his feelings for Ladybug, these surfacing feelings for Kagami and his repressed feelings for Marinette...poor kid.

“Your indecision is hurtful, Adrien” I like that she’s not pushing him, but letting him know that he needs to gather himself soon.

---

“For a moment there, I thought you only had to wear glasses to get a miraculous”

Hawkmoth and Mayura: Well....

“Dont know this one, he’s cute, but he gets his clothes from a dumpstser” Luka X Chloe has been canonically shot down.

Okay so...now Hawkmoth knows the identies of ALL the miraculous wearers outside of Ladybug and Chat Noir...what now? I mean, these all have to be people Ladybug knows and trusts right?- Hawkmoth now knows all their identities, so, he can find out what they have in common.

They all go to the same school. If he found that out, he could narrow it down to have Ladybug be going to their school as well.

Then, he could find out WHO they all have in common. Most of them are class mates, so it’s likely someone in THEIR class, but what about Kagami and Luka? The classmates all have relationships with their fellow classmates in common, but Kagami and Luka? Who do they have in common with the class?

Marinette and Adrien. If it weren’t for Kagami, Juleka. So this is actually kinda dangerous for Marinette if Gabriel and Nathalie followed that line of thinking.

---

Oh my sweet stars...

She’s going down

He’s yelling timber

No but like she was legit just falling down and he just

I don’t know I just get the feeling this scared him.She completely rag-dolled like on some of those video games, and his instinct wasn’t to just catch her either, no, it was to just completely wrap her up in his arms like a burrito.

Then he’s asking her forgiveness, like...he knows he’s in the wrong letting her use it even if she is willing to help him or not. But he can’t do it without her.

“Don’t blame yourself. From the very first day, I knew that I’d do anything for you.”

So basically what happened was, she was quite fond of Gabriel and loved his family before all of this. But as soon as he told her he was going supervillain, she got smacked in the face with something more because she got to see how much he was willing to do to keep his family intact.

And he pulls her closer

And then just absolutely melts into her hand

And I am here for it.

I love them and they love each other.

She’s so pretty. Now, that aside- she brought back Hawkmoth’s sentimonster. Is it a new one or the same one? It certainly looks the same...but what emotion has it been created from, exactly? Does that matter when reviving a sentimonster, assuming it’s supposed to be the same one? Or is it completely different aside from appearance? Her eyes are pretty in these shots.

I am in no way attracted to Gabriel but when we get shots like this I can kinda understand why Nathalie would be.

---

This positive reinforcement...absolutely wonderful. She already had a breakdown and was on the verge of another. Chat kept that from happening and did his job as her kitty to keep her grounded and focused. They’re starting to see each other in different lights, her opening up to him so much emotionally like that proves that no matter what they’ll always have an unbreakable bond. They’re literally each other’s pillar of support.

“Littlebug” I love it. Imagine if that’s what he calls his future daughter assuming they get together in the future? Adorable.

“No, its to dangerous! To many powers at the same time”- Master Fu has obviously been teaching Chat Noir too. He’s been getting all the info Ladybug has it seems, just from that line. I like that detail.

Sometimes I like to imagine Gabriel or Nathalie in place of Hawkmoth and Mayura and this started cracking me up because it reminded me of Simon Says. Flutter flutter. Flap flap.

Who knew snakes liked cheese?

Cutie. And I like how the second time Adrien got the snake miraculous, he was actually able to wield it as necessary because he wasn’t trying to impress Ladybug,

Okay so, I like how in this shot they didn’t have him breathing or talking and all the noise seemed to kinda stop. It’s realistic and I like that attention to detail.

Gabriel, honey...ily but you’re dumb. Ladybug is right there, her purifying that akuma before it even reaches it’s target was predictable.

Also when Chloe opened up there, and Ladybug’s face as she realized exactly what all of this was about- I think it hurt both of them. But Ladybug’s already explained herself. Chloe should have known that if she wanted her miraculous back from Ladybug it wasn’t going to be easy. She already told her so...yeah I understand though. She’s just hurt and let it get the best of her. Girl needs to get her emotions in check.

Sometimes you an really Tell Gabriel lives in the present without thinking much about the consequences of certain things. He looks so freaking happy about Chloe being so adamantly against Ladybug now and wearing all the miraculous, but how is she going to know what to say to transform before Ladybug gets the miraculous away from her? I understand the excitement of a new ally but “I don’t even need to do anything” Idk if you really want her to be able to use all the miraculous and potentially lose her mind as implied from Kwami Buster you might want to distract Ladybug and Chat so she can figure out the right transformation words.

“Checkmate, Ladybug!” I have little to say except I love it when villains say “checkmate” during battle. 10/10 dialogue.

He evil laughs so much in this sequence. I wonder if he’s practiced it? Has Nathalie ever walked in on him practicing his evil laugh in the mirror? and this...

Don’t say checkmate until the opponent has no more pawns to move, And the reactiosn the kwamis have? How many masters have they grown to love and admire that they lost just like that? Also I recall someone saying that this thing has a plot hole in it, but I think that Master Fu really was the true guardian of this particular box just from the backstory he has, he was given the miraculous box and grimoir by another master to protect. So he was in a way established as guardian of that box and so I see no reason why he shouldn’t be able to hand ownership over to anyone of his choice.

“Hawkmoth! Tell them to give me my box back!” Did anyone else find that hilarious? Like a spoiled child running to a father who has the backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Except in this case he has the backbone of like...a steel rod.

And then he just goes to scoop up Mayura.

“How disappointing...”

I like Mayura’s face here too. “Oh, he’s picking me up? Alright, okay I guess so, that’s fine.”

I literally slow down the playback scenes to watch these scenes go slower. It looks like their heads are touching.

That’s a whole mood. Me too.

“Im going to New York with Mommy!” Chloe you’re a comedian.

Wow, she really looks like she’s hurting.

“Oh my Nathalie...”

There’s not even a comma, he called her his.

“There are no words to express how sorry I am”

“No, not for nothing” she still remains the optimistic one. She’s comforting him when she’s the one in need. He obviously thinks she should be upset with him but she just continues telling him its okay. All she cares about is making sure he’s happy and doesn’t want him to blame himself for her choices. Gabriel get this woman a ring.

---

“Goodbye....Master”

I feel so bad for these kwamis. How long does it take before they break after watching everyone they love eventually just die? Have any of them ever emotionally distanced themselves from mortals to avoid the heartbreak when they inevitably lose them? And without Wayzz how long does Master Fu have left being almost 200 years old?

Chloe is really putting on her clown wig in this episode. Mommy is staying in Paris so she can’t go to New York now. Karma, am I right?

“Even if like doesn’t give us the gifts we were hoping for, the true gift is life itself”....And that’s why I think Lukanette is basically canon by the end of the episode. Master Fu’s words play out in her head as she sits next to Luka and she’s not stuttering around Adrien. Her ice cream changes, and I just can’t help but feel like the whole melody thing was symbolic of her accepting Luka’s love and deciding to move on.

They can finally be together...

“Thank you young lady, I will never forget you” if only he knew...

And the way it ended, the endcard...it was all just very sweet and fitting. I do hope Marinette and Adrien will be together by the time Miraculous ends (it’s obviously endgame) but them developing a strong, loving friendship that isn’t plagued with stuttering and stalking is going to be crucial for them to really have a chance at making it. Adrien and Kagami and Luka and Marinette do make sense as couples as we get to know Kagami and Luka more. Still though, I do hope that Adrien and Marinette find each other in the end. There’s to much symbolism pointing to them being (as much as I hate the term) soul mates for them not to.

And for the record, same with Gabenath imo. Gabriel IS losing his certainties, after all...

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banditthewriter · 5 years

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Misdial; Redial - Billy Russo

Prompt: Wrong Number AU: Reader is going through hard times and her friend gives her number to a guy who usually helps veterans but won't say no to a civilian. But instead of talking with a polite man named Curtis she ends up texting with a guy named Billy who's incredibly witty, funny and maybe gets attached to her but doesn't want to show his face. Prompter: Anonymous

So this is my 17k word oneshot because I got really inspired by this request. It took on a life of its own.

Warnings: Discussion of past sexual abuse. Smut. Immediate angst after smut? I don’t know if that deserves a warning or not. Just be kind to yourselves darlings.

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif is mine*

Enjoy!

*****

It had been a rough year. You'd faced unemployment, homelessness, sick family members. Some of your problems were a direct correlation to your ex, some of it was just bad timing. It didn't matter which was which; it was all pretty equally ducky.

Every time something got better, two things would go wrong again. It happened over and over for over a year until you weren't sure you could take it anymore.

“I can't do it anymore,” you cried as your best friend kept his arm around you. “I'm just so tired. Of all of this.”

Kenny tugged you into his chest, quietly shushing you.

“You're one of the strongest people I know. I know this stuff is hitting you from all sides, but you're not in this alone. We’ve got you.”

He meant your circle of friends who had taken turns hosting you while you tried to find an apartment. You finally found one only for it to be taken before you had the chance.

“I hate feeling like a burden,” you said as you wiped your tears.

“No burden here except Ethan’s gym socks,” he joked as he looked over to where his boyfriend's gym bag was resting. “If I didn't love the man, I'd throw the bag out into the dumpster.”

It made you giggle which was surely his intention. Once he was satisfied that you were done crying, he pulled back a bit. The look on his face told you that he was thinking about something.

“What is it?”

Kenny held up a finger. He stood up and made his way over to the desk in the corner of the living room.

“When Ethan came back from overseas, he was a mess. He couldn't find a job, couldn't settle into a routine. We almost didn't make it,” he admitted quietly as he sorted through the drawer. “He got in touch with this guy, Curtis Hoyle. He runs a group for vets, helps them find work and adjust. He's great. And he's also just a good ear to bend when you're down.”

He pulled out a small address book and started flipping through the pages as he made his way over to you.

“Maybe you could give him a call. Or a text, if you prefer.”

You were shaking your head before he finished his sentence.

“I wasn't… I'm not military, Ken.”

Kenny shrugged and flopped down beside you, still holding out the book.

“Neither was I but he talked me through losing my dad and my brother within about two months of each other. And that was when Ethan was deployed.”

You hesitated before you finally accepted the address book from him. On the page he had turned to was about two dozen names all smushed in together.

“How can you even read these?”

He laughed as he trailed his finger along a line. The phone number was a bit jumbled but you typed it into your phone as best you could.

“Who are these other people?”

“Some are guys Ethan served with. Some are guys he met in group with Curtis. That's Ethan’s boss,” he said as he pointed to a name that was basically just a B and then a smear of pen. “He met him through Curtis.”

You nodded as you glanced at the number in your phone. You weren't sure you'd use it, but if it made Kenny feel better to give it to you?

“I promise I'll be off your couch soon,” you said somewhat miserably. “I just have to keep looking.”

“Hey, I don't care about that. I just care about you.”

You tugged Kenny close to you so that you could rest your head on his shoulder.

“You're the best.”

“I know,” he said with a grin.

------

Your ex was the kind of guy who thought things were owed to him. Paul took what he wanted, damn the consequences. You'd liked that about him in theory. You had completely different feelings about it in reality.

You stayed because you thought you had to, that you wouldn't be able to survive without him. You left your apartment to move in with him. You lost your job because he'd make you call out and stay at home instead of going in. He stopped you from seeing your family.

It kept getting worse until he turned his attention on you. It took Kenny taking you to a crisis center and talking to a therapist to learn that saying yes because you're scared to say no is still rape. At that point you were done. Kenny, Ethan, your father, and one of Ethan’s buddies from work all showed up at the townhouse you shared with Paul to help you pack up your belongings.

There wasn't much. He'd made you sell a lot of it.

Once you were out, you had to work on getting your life put back together. It just didn't seem to work that way. You felt like you were always scrambling to make it.

But you had Kenny. You had Ethan. You had your family. You weren't doing it alone anymore.

------

The new job wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing. And the pay was pretty good considering. You went to labs, medical offices, and other places in the city to check that they were disposing of their supplies correctly and that they followed all health guidelines.

You huffed out a sigh as you settled down into the booth at the diner near the job you were on today. As the waitress brought over your drink, you felt your phone buzz with a new text.

After you ordered your lunch, you checked the message. It was from Kenny.

Have you called Curtis yet?

You sighed again, this time out of fond exasperation as you tapped out your response.

No. I don't know how I feel about it. And I don't know that I need someone to talk to.

We all need someone to talk to.

Yeah but that's why I have you!

You put your phone down when the food arrived. After the first few bites, you picked it back up curiously.

But I'll say the wrong thing because I'm insensitive and awkward. Curtis is really good at this shit.

Please Y/N? It's the only way I know how to help you

With it put like that, how could you turn it down?

I'll message him later, okay? I promise.

You got the response before you could even lock your phone.

I'm glad.

------

“Hey dad,” you called softly as you walked into the hospital room, eyeing the lump on the bed before you moved to his side. “How's she doing?”

Your father gave you a hug and kissed the top of your head.

“Stubborn as a mule,” he said with a small smile. “Doc was in here earlier to check her vitals and she damn near kicked him out.”

“His stethoscope was cold,” your sister complained as she turned her head to peek up at you. “Aren't you supposed to be at work?”

You huffed out a laugh and moved to grab her hand.

“I got off about thirty minutes ago.” You squeezed her hand as you looked at all of the machines attached to her. “How are you feeling?”

Kristen’s free hand went to her very large belly.

“Felt him kick earlier,” she said with a smile. “Dr Dunning said that was a good sign.”

You placed your hand on her belly and smiled. Before you could say anything, you felt the tiniest movement.

“Gas?”

Kris smacked your arm with a laugh.

“That was your nephew telling you to be nice to his mom,” she countered with a grin.

“He says that now. Wait until he gets here. You'll be all discipline and veggies and I'll be giving him ice cream for dinner.”

The rest of your visit went much the same. Your sister's pregnancy was high risk so she was hospitalized for the last few weeks before they would have to do a c-section. It'd been tough on everyone because you wanted to be with her as much as possible but it was hard to get out there now that you were employed.

Your parents took turns spending about six hours with her at a time. The father wasn't in the picture anymore so it was just Kris. And your soon to be nephew.

On your way home, you thought about the number in your phone. You didn't think you needed to reach out to Curtis because you were doing okay for the time being. Of course you did promise Kenny that you'd message him.

And it wasn't like you'd turn down the chance to talk to someone. You were still stressed about finding a place to live. And you were still looking for a job that fit you more than what you were doing now.

It couldn't hurt, right? Worst came to worst, he'd tell you to buzz off.

With that in mind, you told yourself that you'd send a text to appease Kenny. He'd been so worried about you lately.

------

Curled up in the guest room while Kenny and Ethan watched TV in the living room, you decided that now was as good of a time as any. It took you a few minutes to figure out what to say, but once you started? The words just seemed to flow from you.

Hey Curtis. You don't know me but a friend gave me your number. I've been having a tough time lately and he told me that you're a pretty good with that? I just have a lot going on and I'm feeling a bit like a failure. I don't know how else to explain it except I feel like I'm failing everyone and I'm a burden to the people that care about me. And I know I shouldn't lay all this at your feet but my friend really wanted me to reach out. Feel free to tell me to fuck off if this is out of line, I just thought I'd give it a try.

You hit send before you could think twice about it. You also realized you never gave him your name or who your friend was, but you figured you'd wait to see how he responded.

With the message sent, you dropped your phone onto the bedspread and moved to your luggage. You pulled out some pajamas and started to work on putting them on.

While you were pulling your shirt on, you heard your phone buzz. Instead of running over, you stuck to getting dressed. And then you tried to think of anything else you could do before you checked the message.

Unable to think of anything that wouldn’t involve you going through the apartment and depressing yourself by seeing Ethan and Kenny being so in love, you sat down on the bed and unlocked the phone to check.

Your stomach dropped when you saw the reply.

I'm sorry about this but I think you have the wrong number? I don't think anyone would have given you my number if you were looking for comfort. And my name isn't Curtis. I know a Curtis though and he's the kind of guy that would talk you through this so I can give you his number if you want?

You swore and tossed the phone away from you. Even the knowledge that this person apparently knew Curtis didn't help. All you felt was embarrassed to have unloaded on a complete stranger. And the wrong stranger at that.

All of the numbers had been so squished together on that page. He said he knew Curtis so it was probably one of the people from group. Shit.

You'd tell Kenny that you were sorry but that it didn't work out with you talking to Curtis. It'd be a lie, but you couldn't reach out to someone else after that.

You'd just keep on going the way you had been.

------

When you woke up the next morning, you checked the time on your phone. There was a notification from a number you didn't have saved.

It was just familiar enough for you to realize it was the number of Not-Curtis. You had deleted the number before you went to bed, not thinking that other person would reach back out after they told you they weren't Curtis.

Instead you were faced with another message.

I know I'm not Curtis but I am worried. You okay?

This person has claimed that no one would have given you their phone number to comfort you, but they did seem worried about you.

The clock said it was just after six. You needed to take a shower and start getting ready for work. Instead you took a moment to compose a reply.

I'm fine, just embarrassed. I'm taking this as a sign that I should just not bother people with my junk. Thanks for checking up on me. And sorry for bothering you last night.

You sent the message and locked your phone, heading to grab your stuff for your shower. You figured that would be that but when you got back to the room, you had a new message from that same number.

No worries. I get it. But I wouldn't take it as a sign not to reach out. There's no shame in reaching out. Curtis is a good guy. Let me give you his actual number. He can help you adjust to being back home.

You hesitated when you read that. It made sense the person would assume that you were military considering what Curtis did, but it just helped you feel worse.

I'm not military. Part of the reason I want to just forget this happened. Sorry for bothering you.

Phone back down once more, you moved to your clothes. You still had some time before you needed to go to work, but you usually preferred to leave early to stop and get breakfast.

When you were fully dressed, you checked your phone but there weren't any new messages. You weren't sure why you felt disappointed, but you considered it a fluke.

------

The lab you were checking was mostly empty. You were making notes on their disposal techniques when you felt your phone buzz in your pocket.

Your first thought was that it was going to be about Kris. Instead you were faced with that unsaved number from earlier.

So you aren't military. Curtis would still be willing to talk to you.

This person just didn't know when to give up.

I decided that I don't want to bother Curtis with my issues. I appreciate your persistence, but I'm not going to message him.

You tucked your phone back into your pocket. Even when you felt it buzz later while you were explaining that the lab was using outdated cleaning equipment and could be fined for that, you ignored it.

It had to be a guy. A girl would have stopped pushing at some point. You weren't sure what kind of guy openly admits to not being someone to offer comfort and then go through this, but it somehow made sense.

On your way to the subway, you finally opened the one notification you'd been ignoring all day.

Well you aren't bothering me. I have nothing better to do right now. I'm Billy, btw. If you want, you can talk to me.

You started to type up a reply telling him you weren't going to do that either, but something stopped you. You glanced up to see what station was coming up and sighed.

Maybe you could use someone to talk to. Someone that didn't know you in person and someone you could easily ignore if it went bad. Someone with no real connection to you.

In the end it was the thought that Kris would want you to do it which made you change your response.

I've just been dealing with a lot in the last few months. Things seem to be getting worse before they get better. My friend thought I could benefit from talking to someone that isn't in my social circle about it.

You hesitated and then sent the text. His text had been about three hours ago so you didn't expect an immediate response. But it came through anyways.

What are you dealing with? If you wanna tell me

You appreciated him giving you the opportunity. The thought of laying everything out on someone you didn't know made you a little nervous so you decided the cliff notes version would have to do.

Lost my job so now I'm working a job I don't particularly like. Couch surfing because I can't find a place to live. My sister is in the hospital because she's having a difficult pregnancy. It's just a lot

You felt stupid the moment you sent it. If this guy was in one of the groups with Curtis and Ethan, he was obviously a vet. You were telling someone from the military that you were dealing with a lot and it was just–

A new text came in.

Shit.

Obviously he was a wordsmith, but you could see the bubble that said he was typing.

Think of it this way. Any job is better than no job. And couch surfing means you got people that care. Like the friend that gave you Curt’s number?

I can't say much about the sister thing because I've never been in that situation but I imagine it sucks

That made it sound like he didn't have any siblings. You weren't going to pry, because you weren't sure how close to get to this mysterious Billy, but it was something at least.

I know that I've been lucky. I know that and that's what makes me feel worse. I shouldn't feel like this, I know that.

Your stop was coming up so you put your phone away. Once you were back on the street, you found yourself reaching for your phone again.

That's not what I'm saying at all. Shit still hurts whether or not it could be worse. Don't judge how you feel against how you think you should feel. Doesn't work that way

That was heavy. You crossed the street carefully, checking both directions as you did. On the other side, you paused your trek to send a reply.

For someone who doesn't think people would go to you for comfort, you're pretty good at it

You tucked your phone into your pocket after you put it on silent. As much as your were—surprisingly—enjoying this conversation, you didn't want to be distracted when you got to see your sister again.

An hour and a half later as you were leaving, you finally checked your phone. There were two messages from Billy.

Maybe I'm just trying to channel Curt. Make it worth your time to talk to me.

You never gave me your name

You looked around as if you expected to see someone hovering nearby.

There was no harm in telling him your name, especially since he told you his. Although he could have used a fake name.

You could use a fake name. It wasn't like he'd ever know the truth.

I'd feel more comfortable anonymous. For now?

It took another subway ride to get you home. Or, well, to Kenny and Ethan’s. Inside you waved at Kenny who was working at his desk before you went into the guest room. You started to drop your bag onto the bed when you saw the text.

I get that. Can I know anything about you? Gender? Age? Zodiac sign?

You let out a short laugh. It was a bit of a surprise, so you smothered the instinct. If you didn't know better, you would think he was flirting with you. But it was probably just him trying to lighten the mood.

You gave him the answers, telling him you were a girl and giving him your age. You even jokingly gave him your zodiac sign.

It was a step. And a small step was better than nothing.

------

“So you don't know this guy but you've been texting him?”

You looked over at where Kris was failing to knit a baby blanket. It looked more like a really sad pot holder.

“It started as a fluke,” you admitted as you flipped through the magazine you were reading. “But it's only been the past few days. It probably won't continue.”

Even as you said it, you felt a thin curl of disappointment growing in your chest.

The past few days had involved a few conversations with Billy. Well, one conversation that didn't stop. Sometimes there'd be hours between texts, but you didn't mind. He always turned the conversation back to you, back to the things you had admitted to him that day.

You had a strange feeling that he actually wanted to help you.

“Just be careful, okay? I don't want anything to happen to this kid’s aunt. He’ll need you to keep his mommy from going insane.”

It was such a Kris thing to say that you could barely keep the smile down.

“Do you think I'm gonna do something stupid?”

Kris raised her eyebrow at you, throwing her knitting down in frustration.

“No, I feel like you get attached to people easily and sometimes you get hurt.”

You thought about Paul and how quickly everything had moved. How quickly everything had gone to hell.

“You may have a point there.”

You didn't want to stop talking to Billy, but you knew Kris was right. She usually was.

------

“You've seemed happy lately,” Kenny said as he flopped down on the bed next to you. “Well maybe not happy, but more settled.”

You looked over at him and smiled.

“I'm glad you think so.”

He rolled his head to look over at you.

“Did you text Curtis?”

You'd almost forgotten to tell him about it. And since your version of things was a little different, you wanted to tread lightly.

“I did. It really helped. It got me thinking about how to move forward.”

You knocked your knee against his, grinning a bit as you did.

“Thank you, by the way. I never said that.”

Kenny wrapped his arms around your legs and grinned up at you.

“I'm just happy to see the old you. Even as little as it is.”

------

You've mentioned your folks a few times as well as your sister. You mind if I ask why you can't stay with them?

Don't mind you asking. Parents live in Jersey now and I'm not looking to move out of the city. Kris lives with them when she's not in the hospital.

you that attached to the city?

Once you're here, who would want to be anywhere else?

I can respect that

------

You having a bad night?

Bad year. I want to get out of this apartment so that they can be alone. I'm just getting really tired of having to rely on other people.

I don't know your price range but I can look around. I have some people I could ask

You don't need to do that. I already take advantage of you enough

I'm giving you permission to take advantage of me however you want

------

That last message had made your whole body turn warm. It didn't make sense given the fact that you'd never seen Billy or knew much about him personally, but those words made you feel almost lightheaded.

At the same time, there were loud sirens going off in the back of your head. Paul had been a smooth talker. He had painted picture after picture of all these things you'd only ever let yourself dream about. And then he became the thing you had nightmares about.

You didn't respond to the text but a couple of hours later, you got another text.

I didn't mean it like that. Don't want you to think that I'm hitting on you or something.

Or something, you thought to yourself as you typed out a response.

Never crossed my mind

------

The alcohol was like grease on a wheel. You moved with the music that pumped from the stereo in the corner of the bar. For the first time in a long time, you felt alive.

“Wowza girly, you're gonna burn the place down,” Ethan cheered as he joined you on the floor.

He was careful to let you see that he was approaching before he wrapped his arms around you, moving with the music. Both him and Kenny were always careful like that. They'd been the ones to see you for the first time after Paul had gotten abusive.

You were thankful for their care and gentleness. It was thoughtful in a way a lot of people weren't.

After dancing got tiring, you dropped into a chair next to another friend. Kenny had taken your spot with Ethan and the two of them danced together.

It wasn't that Billy was on your mind constantly, but he was there a lot. Since the conversation where he'd very bluntly told you he wasn't hitting on you, your conversations had been stilted to say the least.

Oddly enough, you thought you missed him.

With that in mind, you pulled your phone out to check the thread. Mostly just general greetings, nothing like it was before.

Confidence provided by alcohol, you typed up a message.

Why do you never say anything about yourself? Something real

The lack of spelling mistakes and the fact that it actually made sense had you satisfied as you hit send.

The satisfaction went away pretty quickly when his reply came in.

You're kidding right

It didn't even deserve a question mark. You furrowed your browser as you stared at the phone.

Im not kidding. You ar3 alwaus talking about me, but never about you. I don't know anything about uou

That time you noticed the spelling mistakes, but not until you sent the message. Shit. You didn't want it to be obvious that you were drunk.

I don't even know your name. You're saved in my phone under your fucking star sign. Wanna tell me why you're drunk texting me this bs right now?

You had the sudden urge to call him and chew him out, but that was crossing a line in this timid relationship the two of you had. Instead you blinked a few times to try to focus your eyes before you began to type again.

I'm sorry. I just can't stop thinking about the fact that you never talk about yourself. It always about me.

But you're right, I'm drunk.

You stared at the phone for a long time, watching the little sign that said he'd read the messages. But you didn't see that he was replying.

You looked you and watched Kenny and Ethan wrapped around one another, so very much in love. Then you looked back down at your phone.

With a deep breath, you typed something else.

And my name is Y/N

------

The next morning while you nursed your hangover, your phone started to blink with a new text. You groaned as you held it a little ways away from your face so that you wouldn’t be blinded when you unlocked the device.

There was a link from Billy. There wasn’t an accompanying text, just the link. Your first thought was that it was spam, but you decided to give it a shot.

It opened up to about half a dozen rental listings in the city. They ranged from exactly your price range to ridiculously expensive. You clicked through them for a bit before you went back to the thread.

You didn't have to do that, but thank you. Those are some good leads for me to look into.

You didn't want to be beholden to Billy but something told you that he didn't see it that way. And sure enough, thirty minutes later when you got out of your shower, his reply told you as much.

I don't look at it as something I had to do. I wanted to.

You skimmed back up at the conversation from the night before and winced. You weren't at your best when you'd been drinking, but especially not with you unable to get Billy's earlier brush off out of your mind.

Why would he be flirting with you? Neither of you knew what the other looked like. Until last night, he didn't even know your name.

You should apologize. At the very least you should tell him that you hadn't meant it like it sounded.

Before you got the chance, your phone lit up with a new text.

I was safe havened in Albany. Grew up in the system. The moment I aged out, I joined the Marines. They put me through college and then they put me through hell. I came out the other side a survivor that has a lot to be thankful for.

You wanted to tell him that he didn't need to tell you this, but it would contradict your fit the night before. No, this was his way of reaching out, of showing more of himself to you.

It was your turn to offer an olive branch.

I've never been to Albany. How is it?

You didn't have to wait long for the reply.

It sucks

------

For a while, things start to look up. Your job was still kind of crappie but you started to enjoy parts of it. One of the apartments that Billy linked you to accepted your application and you were on the verge of moving in. And you and Billy were actually becoming friends.

It was the biggest surprise really. You hadn't expected much when you sent the message to Curtis, but you definitely didn't expect Billy. And upon starting to talk to him, you didn't expect for that to be the best part of your day.

The conversations changed. Instead of centering around you and your stuff, it became more of a friendship. He told you about his life, you told him about yours.

He owned a company, although he wouldn't specify what the company did. He also made it sound like he'd been on some sort of leave from the company recently but he didn't give specifics.

You knew he lived not far from Kenny and Ethan. That was probably the hardest part; knowing he was so close and yet not having a way to reach out to him. In person.

You hadn't broached the subject of meeting in person. You weren't sure how it'd go over so you held it in.

With everything starting to fall together, it made sense that something had to give. It just happened that the thing that finally did break was your sister.

A panicked phone call from your mom had you grabbing your stuff in the middle of the night to catch a taxi. Usually you'd take the subway but work had given you a raise so you weren't worried about money anymore.

You just wanted to be with your sister.

You made your way to her room. Inside was your mom and dad, but her bed was empty.

“Where's Kris?”

Your dad looked up at you, tears in his eyes.

“They took her back. They are going to check on the baby but there's a chance they may have to do an emergency c-section.”

Fear gripped you. You covered your mouth with your hand as you let yourself slump into their waiting arms.

“You said she had a seizure? Do they know what caused it?”

It was your mom who answered as she wiped away a tear from your cheek.

“They said it could be any number of things. The neurologist is with her just in case.”

For the next hour you watched your parents pace nervously around the private hospital room. At some point your mom sat down, her eyelids drooping as she tried to force herself to stay awake.

“I'm gonna go get us some coffee,” you offered quietly as you went over to your mom to squeeze her hand. “You guys want anything else?”

“No sweetie,” your mom said gratefully as she released your hand. “Coffee should do the trick.”

Despite telling them that you would get it, your dad handed you his card. You grabbed your phone and your wallet before you slipped into the hallway.

Hospitals always freaked you out, but there was something especially disconcerting about a hospital at almost four in the morning.

You'd visited Kris enough to be able to find the vending machine without any help. You stared at the coffee machine with tired eyes for a few minutes as you tried to force yourself to calm down.

Kris was fine. She was surrounded by doctors. Her and the baby were going to be fine.

Without thinking, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and pulled up your thread with Billy. After a moment of hesitation, you told him what was going on.

My sister had a seizure. They took her back to do some tests. They may have to do a c-section for the baby. I've been at the hospital for over an hour and I'm worried shitless.

You weren't sure why you sent the text at first. You'd needed comfort and he was the first person you could think of to give that to you.

While you looked around for a tray to be able to carry the cups back to the room, you felt your phone start to vibrate. Only it didn't just vibrate once, but continuously.

A phone call.

A look at the display showed Billy's name flashing. Your first instinct was to freeze but you knew that if you missed this window, chances were you wouldn't get a second chance.

You quickly swiped to answer the call.

“Hello?”

The silence that met you made you wonder if he'd dialed you on accident. But then…

“Y/N,” he greeted, his voice different than what you expected somehow. “I thought maybe a phone call would be more appropriate than a text message right now.”

His voice was smooth. There was a bit of a New York accent mixed in there, soft enough that you only hear it on some of the words. You didn't think you'd have heard it if you hadn't been listening so intently.

“Yeah, that’s uh, that's a good guess. I'm sorry if I woke you.”

There was a deep, rich chuckle on the other end of the line that made your breath catch.

“Nah, I wasn't sleeping. I was working out when I saw your text.”

Working out. Your mind tried to conjure the image but without knowing what he looked like, nothing came to you.

“You okay?” Then you heard him swear slightly under his breath. “Fuck, of course you're not okay. I just meant–”

“I know what you meant,” you offered easily, because you did. “I appreciate it, really. I can't tell you how nice it is to finally put a voice to a name.”

There was a beat of silence where you had to wonder if you'd said the wrong thing. Then he was speaking once again.

“I don't want to keep you while you're probably with your family. I just wanted to say that I'm here if you need to talk to someone. Anytime, day or night,” he added, his voice a little lower than it had been before.

A jolt of heat went through you at that tone, but you shook your head. Not only was now not the time, but he'd already told you that he wasn't flirting with you. You needed to get over yourself.

“Thanks Billy,” you said with as much sincerity as possible. “I'll text you when I know more?”

A beat of silence and then, “Or you can call. I don't have any plans so I'm here if you need me.”

A surge of affection went through you for this man you barely knew.

“Thank you for that. I'll call once I know more,” you promised.

After a quiet goodbye from both of you, you ended the call. It had been absolutely thrilling to hear his voice for the first time.

You just wished it was under better circumstances.

------

You sent the pictures to Kenny and Ethan; they had both been checking in with you since they woke up and saw your message on the bathroom mirror.

The first picture was just of the baby. He had been asleep, swaddled in a blue and white checked blanket. He had your sister’s nose and your mom swore that the face he made when he was sleeping was just like the one you’d made as a baby.

The second picture was of you holding the baby. You looked exhausted but so happy, a smile on your lips as you looked down at the bundle in your arms. Your dad had snapped the picture and sent it to you.

Kenny and Ethan reacted with multiple exclamation marks and emojis that made you laugh. Kenny was also the one that asked how your sister was doing.

She’s sleeping right now, but the doctors think she’ll be okay. She’s gotta stay here for a while, but the baby will be in the NICU for at least another week before he can be released so it works out.

The room was quiet, your sister’s breathing mixing in with the machines that were monitoring her. Your parents had gone home to rest for a few hours before they’d come back. You didn’t mind watching over your sister for the time being.

There weren’t any new messages from Billy, but you still brought up the thread. You told him you’d keep him updated and you had for the most part, but the last few hours had been so chaotic that you hadn’t reached out in a bit. You knew he wouldn’t blame you for that, but you wanted him to know that things were okay.

You tapped to add a photo to the text message. You hesitated after you added the picture of the baby, your eyes on the other photo you had been sending people. Did you want to cross that line? He’d know what you looked like if you did that. Did you care?

There was a small part of you, the part that still shied away from men with the vivid memory of Paul in your head, that told you not to send it. But the rest of you wanted to take that leap.

There was something about Billy that made him the exception to most of your rules.

With that in mind, you added the second photo as well. You went back to the text and typed in A healthy baby boy. And I swear this isn’t the first time I’ve held a baby, he’s just so small.

Your heart thundered in your chest as you sent the pictures. You closed your eyes for a second before you locked the phone and put it down on your lap.

Kris was still asleep, her nose crinkling as she dreamed. She hadn’t gotten to hold the baby yet; once she was out of surgery and the doctors were certain she wasn’t going to have another seizure, she’d been brought back to the room but she was sleeping it all off. You wanted to be here when she woke up in case she freaked out about obviously not being pregnant anymore; you weren’t sure if she was aware that the she’d had the baby.

Your phone started to buzz and you smiled down at it to see that Billy was calling you again. You went over to the corner of the room, looking out through the window as you accepted the call.

“Hey, you didn’t have to call again,” you said quietly, perching on the counter with the window at your back, “I just wanted you to know that everything was okay. My sister, the baby, they’re both fine.”

“That’s wonderful Y/N,” he said, a smile obvious in his voice, “but I also wanted to check in on you. You’ve been at the hospital for almost twelve hours. Just wanted to make sure you’re taking care of yourself while all this is happening.”

You looked over at Kris and couldn’t fight the smile that overtook you.

“I’m great. Kris, my sister, is doing great. The baby is healthy and he’ll be able to go home in about a week. I’ve been so worried about what was going to happen that this feels like a lead weight being lifted from my soul. And yeah, I’m tired, but my parents will be back up here soon and then I can go home and crash for a few hours.”

“I’m glad she’s okay. And the kid too. What’s his name?”

You laughed as you stretched out your legs a bit, leaning back against the window.

“Kris has a few ideas, but she wanted to actually hold him before she decided on a name. I’m half tempted to pretend like I named him something ridiculous while she was asleep.”

That got a laugh from him. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. You watched your sister shift a bit in her sleep, her lips smacking as she did. You could see where the baby got it from.

You were just about to tell Billy that you should go, because you thought that Kris might be close to waking up, but his voice interrupted your thoughts.

“That was you, right, in the picture?” At your hesitant assent that yes, it was you, you heard him let out an audible breath. “You uh, don’t look how I pictured you.”

You bit your lip, ducking your head as you tried to come up with a response to that.

“Is that a good thing? Or…”

Whatever Billy’s answer would have been, you didn’t get a chance to hear it. Your sister let out a loud groan, her hand going to her stomach. You quickly told Billy you’d have to call him back, ending the call and letting the phone rest on the windowsill as you moved over to Kris’s side.

“Where–”

You grasped her hand and waited until her eyes met yours before you smiled down at her.

“Morning sis. You’re on a lot of drugs right now, so you’re probably a little out of it. How much do you remember?”

Her free hand went up to her head. She was blinking rapidly as if trying to clear her fogged senses.

“I had a headache. I think I remember a nurse asking me some questions, maybe? And then they said something about the baby?” Her hand went to her stomach once more, her eyes widening. “Is he okay?”

“He’s great,” you said with a smile, feeling her relief race through her body. “They had to do a c-section, but he’s great Kris. They want to keep an eye on him for a week, but I think they’ll be keeping an eye on you for the same amount of time so it’ll be okay.”

She slumped back into her pillows a little.

“Can I see him?”

You smiled and gave her hand a squeeze before you pulled back.

“I’ll go get a nurse so that someone can go get him.”

Once in the hall, you let out a breath to release the tension you had been holding for a while. Relief spread through you like a physical presence. The baby was okay. Your sister was okay. And in a few moments, your sister would get to meet her son for the first time.

It was going to be okay.

------

You grabbed your phone to take a few candid pictures of Kris meeting the baby for the first time. You unlocked it and saw a text from Billy. Since the nurse wasn’t there with the baby yet, you quickly opened the message.

It’s definitely not a bad thing. I’ll talk to you later.

A smile spread over you at that, warmth curling in your stomach. You didn’t want to think that way, but you wondered if maybe Billy was pleasantly surprised by your looks. If there was even a small part of him that had found you attractive.

Casting that to the side for the time being, you opened up your camera. You were just in time to catch your sister bursting in tears the moment the nurse carried the baby into the room.

------

Things started to come together after that.

The job had gotten better now that you’d been doing it longer. Your bosses had been pleased with your work and even mentioned maybe turning you into a trainer at some point.

Kris had moved in temporarily with your parents while she healed up. You went to Jersey to see them as much as you could. Well, mostly just to see baby Liam.

And then there was the thing with Billy. Since he had made the leap into phone calls, the two of you were in near constant contact. You still preferred to send a text and see if he could talk, but he never turned you down.

The only time you called him without checking first was your first night in your new apartment. Kenny and Ethan had left with the half empty pizza box, leaving you in the middle of your living room floor with a thing of beer and all of your boxes from storage.

It wasn’t a lot, but it was yours. You had been so happy that you had grabbed the phone and called Billy without hesitation.

“Hey,” he greeted sounding pleased to hear from you. “This is a nice surprise. What’s up?”

You smiled and leaned back so that you were lying down in the middle of the floor.

“I am about to spend the first night in my own apartment and I owe it all to you,” you said with a smile so wide that it hurt your cheeks. “If you hadn’t sent me those listings, I don’t think I ever would have found this place.”

Or maybe you would have but it would have taken a lot longer.

“I’m glad it’s working out for you,” he said with a smile in his voice, “you deserve it Y/N. I’m just glad that I was able to do something to help.”

You thought back to the first time you had messaged him, on accident or not, and how he had said that people wouldn’t go to him for comfort. And now when something happened to you, good or bad, he was the first person you thought of.

That thought stayed with you for a while after that conversation. Somehow this man who you hadn’t meant to contact had become very important to you. And it was more than it had started out to be. You would honestly say now that the two of you were actual friends.

But maybe you wanted more than that. Or maybe you just wanted more than you had. The texts, the phone calls, they made your days better. But you would like to actually meet the man that meant so much to you.

You just weren’t sure how to broach the subject.

A few weeks after you moved into your apartment, you were on the phone with Billy while he complained about something with his company. He always kept it vague, but from what you could tell, he was having problems with some of his outsourced help.

You weren’t sure where the courage came from, but you said the words before you could think twice.

“You know, if you wanted to get together for a drink and complain about this in person, I can think of a few places nearby that have pretty good food.”

The silence was almost deafening.

“I don’t, well, I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

It felt like a kick to the chest. You hadn’t been aware how much you’d been hoping for this until it was pulled away.

“Oh, yeah, I understand,” you said, hoping that he couldn’t hear the disappointment in your voice. “It was just a thought. Don’t worry about it.”

Embarrassment and rejection spread over you, heat filling you face as you tried to think of any way to change the subject. You were also thinking about maybe changing your name and leaving the city, but only a little bit.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he explained quickly, his words a rush as if he knew what you were thinking. “I’d love to get a drink with you. I just don’t think right now is a good time.”

Did he mean right now as in today, a nondescript Tuesday? Or did he mean at this point in your friendship?

“Okay,” you said quietly, drawing the word out a few extra seconds. “Well let me know if you change your mind?”

“I will,” he promised, his voice a little more sure than it was before. “I will.”

------

The picture of you from the hospital was the first that you sent, but not the last. It wasn’t always of you but of something you came across, but just like the phone calls, it was a change in the routine. Every now and then there would be part of you in the photo. And then finally you just took the dive and sent him a selfie of you on the subway one day.

The longest part of my day is what you had captioned the photo. You were pulling a face to the camera, but you still thought it looked like an okay picture.

You saw when he opened the message. You saw him start to type and then watched the bubble disappear. That happened twice more before a response finally came through.

You look amazing for someone who spends all day talking about medical waste.

As if those two things were mutually exclusive, but you had a feeling he just wanted a reason to compliment you. You smiled and started to respond but a message came through from him.

It was a photo. Your heart started to race in anticipation and you couldn’t help the disappointment when you opened it to see that it wasn’t a photo of him. Not really.

It was a desk with papers scattered over it. There was a glass of some amber liquid and a hand wrapped around the glass. It was a nice hand, you thought with a smile.

This is how I spend most of my evenings these days

It might not be his face, but it was something. You weren’t sure what it was about him, but you could tell that he had walls up. Considering you had refused to give him your name for the first few weeks that you knew each other, you couldn’t really blame him.

It opened up something new once more. Now he replied to your photos with pictures of his own. There was never a picture of his face, but the photos did help you start to piece together a mostly complete image of the man you talked to.

He was tall, if the length of this legs were any indication. You were more than a little obsessed with his hands; it wasn’t just dirty thoughts although there were plenty of those. You could also tell from a few pictures that included his torso that he wore a lot of suits. There was even one picture where he’d been in bed that you spent a lot of time thinking about.

There’s no way he could take a picture of his bare stomach and his legs which were barely covered by a sheet and think that it was in any way platonic. You spent a lot of time staring at the lines of his abs because it kept you from trying to figure out if the bulge was from the sheet being bunched up or… from something else.

You decided to test a theory. If he was going to send that picture without a hint as to if you should comment or not, you were going to do the same. As you got ready for sleep, you decided to do something different than your usual ratty t-shirt and sweats.

It wasn’t easy to take the picture. You weren’t wearing a shirt or a bra, but you were on your stomach so nothing was visible except your bare back. And the soft cotton shorts that looked more like underwear than anything else. You positioned the camera so that it caught the fact that you were nude from the waist up. With your head on the pillow, you gave a lazy smile to the camera and snapped the picture.

Once you were satisfied that it looked alright but not like you were trying too hard, you added a caption and sent the photo to Billy.

Sweet dreams!

You quickly got up and put on the ratty t-shirt that you had had on standby. You left on the shorts because they were actually pretty comfortable. By time you got back to the bed, your phone was blinking with a message.

From Billy. As if it could have been anyone else.

I don’t think sweet is the word to describe my dreams after that

You bit your lip as you rolled over in the bed, typing up a response.

Oh? And what word would you use?

His reply came in seconds of him reading your text.

Wet

Your breath caught in your throat at that simple word and what he meant by it. Heat spread down your chest and lower, so much lower. You clenched your legs together, burying your face into your pillow as you tried to calm your breathing. So he wasn’t as unaffected by you as you had once thought.

Your phone buzzing had you sitting up in a hurry. Billy was calling you. After those texts, you weren’t sure you could talk to him without bursting into flames.

Finally, something good came from the two of you only talking over the phone and not in person.

“Hello?” God, were you really that breathless? Way to be obvious.

“Hey,” he greeted back, his voice almost apprehensive. “Listen, I didn’t want to do this over a text. If I overstepped with that, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said something like that without–”

“Yeah, please don’t take that back. Not unless you didn’t mean it,” you added because now you were feeling a little insecure.

You heard him let out an audible sigh.

“I meant it,” he said lowly, his voice making your stomach flip. “You’re gorgeous. And that photo? Kind of broke me.”

“Oh. Well there’s always more where that came from,” you teased as you fingered the hem of your shirt.

He groaned, the noise loud in your ears. You couldn’t help but wonder in what other circumstances he’d make noises like that. If you could make him make that sound again. How it would feel against your skin.

“Y/N, if you–”

He was going to give you a chance to back down with your dignity intact but you’d decided that dignity wasn’t that important right then.

“Do you want me to tell you what I thought when you sent me that first picture? The one where you were holding a glass of alcohol and surrounded by papers?”

“Sure.” His voice was so low that you barely heard it.

“I was thinking about your fingers. They looked long, strong. I couldn’t help but wonder what they’d be good at. Playing the piano, maybe. But I also thought they’d be good at other things. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what they’d look like against my skin.”

It wasn’t the sexiest thing you’d ever said, but you’d never done this before. It was new territory for you but like so many other times, you jumped head first in with Billy at your side.

“You sent that one picture of you in a skirt and all I could think about was sliding my hand up your thighs.” He seemed almost timid as he spoke, as if he wasn’t sure this is what you wanted. At your very approving noise, his tone got a little more confident. “Wanted to know if I could make you come apart with just my hands.”

You bit your lip as you squeezed your thighs together again.

“Considering how good you’re doing with just your voice? I’m pretty sure you’d have no trouble with your hands.”

He laughed, low and short. You had the phone pressed so hard to your ear that you were pretty sure you could hear his breathing pick up at that.

“You thinking about my hands on you? Running up your thighs? That picture didn’t leave much to the imagination,” he reminded you in a downright filthy tone, earning a muffled moan as your hips gave aborted little thrusts. “What about you, huh? Have you ever touched yourself and thought about me?”

You hadn’t. It felt like a betrayal of your friendship so you never crossed that line. But now? You dragged your nails up your thigh, biting your lip at the feeling. Then you cupped yourself, the heel of your palm pressing down against your clit through the shorts.

“I am now,” you whispered, voice breathy and stuttered as you thrust against your hand. “Have you? Thought about me like that?”

You needed to know. His answer was a moan, deep and guttural as if he was taking himself in hand.

“I wish I could see that,” you said with a laugh as you slipped your hand under your shorts, fingers slipping between your folds to tease at your clit. “It’s not just your dreams that are wet,” you teased breathlessly.

He moaned again, earning a grin from you.

“You’re wet just from my voice? Like it that much?” His breath audibly hitched. “Fuck I don’t think I’ve been this hard this fast before. Pretty sure I’m lightheaded.”

You laughed, biting your lip as your fingers continued to play with your clit. You’d never laughed while doing something like this before. Sex with Paul had always been either perfunctory or a terrifying experience. And before then it was always just both you and your partners trying to get off and get gone.

Your relationship with Billy, as strange as it was, was the first time you’d ever felt like this before.

“Only enough blood to work one head at a time,” you joked, your eyes closing as you started to push a finger inside. “Your hands look bigger than mine. I wonder how many fingers I could take.”

“Fuck Y/N,” he said around a groan, a slight laugh at the end. “I bet you could take however many I gave you. Bet I could make you scream.”

You bet he could too. You back arched as you pumped two fingers in and out, the heel of your palm rubbing almost painfully against your clit. It’d been a long, long time since you’d been this turned on and you knew you wouldn’t last long. You bit your lip to hold in a whine, but Billy’s voice called out to you.

“C’mon, you don’t have roommates anymore. Lemme hear you. Don’t hold back,” he half pleaded, half demanded, his own breathing coming out in bursts. He must be close too.

You let down your guard, letting him hear the noises you made. Normally you’d be too embarrassed but right then, all you wanted to do is let him hear you as you came apart at the seams. You arched and writhed as your hand moved, fucking yourself hard and fast. Your other hand released the phone, trapping it between your ear and shoulder so that you could reach under your shirt and squeeze your breast.

“Billy,” you called on a gasp, his name tearing out of you as you got closer to your climax. “Please Billy, I’m so close.”

You weren’t sure what you were asking for. You were dizzy with arousal, your whole body aching with need and so close to release. Whatever you wanted, Billy seemed to understand your pleas.

“C’mon Y/N, come for me. Lemme hear you. Imagine it’s my hand on you, making you feel that good. C’mon, let go.”

You cried out wordlessly as your orgasm finally crashed over you, clamping your thighs together so hard you were worried you might break your own hand. You came back to your senses in time to hear as Billy swore through his own orgasm, your name falling off his lips a few times.

You slumped back on the bed, chest heaving as you fought for air. You knew you’d never come like that before, never felt your body lose all energy the moment it passed. If that’s what you had been missing all this time, no wonder people talked about sex all the time.

And that wasn’t even sex. That was just you with your own hand and Billy’s voice in your ear. Imagine how it’d be in person.

That felt like a splash of ice cold water. You sat up in the bed, pulling your hand out of your shorts and wincing as wiped your hand off on your shirt. You were holding the phone to your ear still, but it was quiet on the other line.

Maybe he had fallen asleep? It would be for the best. You needed to think. Before you could figure out if you should just hang up, Billy’s voice called to you.

“Is it… are you okay?”

How honest should you be? You bit your lip. Then you curled your legs up and into your chest.

“I just… wasn’t expecting that? That we did something like that and I’ve never even seen your face.”

You just wanted to be honest with him. After what you’d just shared, surely you owed him that much. His continued silence made you start to feel a little uncomfortable but you didn’t say anything.

“Without seeing my face, you can imagine whatever you want,” he said bitterly, surprising you.

“I don’t want to imagine anything or anyone else. I just would like to have been able to picture you, is all.”

He spoke before you could try to explain.

“Well we don’t have to worry about it, because it won’t happen again.”

You called his name, but the line dropped. With tears starting to gather in your eyes, you tried to call him back but it went straight to voicemail.

You hesitated as you brought up your text thread. Biting your lip, you typed up a message to him.

I don’t know what I did wrong. I know that you have your reasons for not showing me your face, but after that? You have to know that I don’t care what you look like. If that’s what this is about. I just want you Billy, no matter what.

You hadn’t meant to be that honest with him, but you couldn’t deny it anymore. You wanted Billy; you wanted his friendship, you wanted his wit, you wanted his deep philosophies, you wanted his corny jokes. You wanted a chance to meet the man you were falling for.

You stared at the little notification that would tell you he had read the message, but it didn’t appear. The longer you stared, the harder it got to see because tears had started to fall.

Even when you finally went to sleep, there was nothing to show that Billy had read your message.

------

“You look like shit,” Kenny said as he stepped into your apartment. “No seriously, I haven’t seen you this bad since Paul. What’s going on?”

You wiped at your eyes and gestured for him to follow you to the couch. There you grabbed your phone, a comforting gesture. It’d been five days and you still hadn’t heard from Billy. Sometime the morning after he’d hung up on you, you’d noticed that he had read the message you sent. But there still hadn’t been a reply.

He ignored all of your phone calls. You sent a few more texts, asking him to please talk to you, but they were met with silence.

They were all read, but none of them were replied to. It hurt so much that you finally stopped texting him. But it didn’t mean you gave up on hoping for a reply.

Kenny mentioning that he hadn’t seen you like this since Paul had almost made you laugh. You felt pathetic, but you knew it was true. As your best friend wrapped his arm around you, you buried your face into his shoulder and let yourself cry for the first time since that night.

“Y/N, you’re scaring me. What happened?”

It took a few tries before you finally explained it.

“Remember how I said I contacted that Curtis guy? Well, it turns out I had the number wrong and I got someone else instead.” Kenny started to get worried, but you shook your head as you tried to wipe away your tears. “It was this guy who was funny and nice and even though he wasn’t who I meant to talk to, I kept in touch with him. We’ve been talking for a few months now.”

You explained it all to him. For the first time, you laid it all out on the table. You started with how much his original messages helped you, to your drunken text about him not talking about himself, to him calling while you were at the hospital with Kris, to the flirty texts and pictures. You didn’t exactly mince words when you told him about the phone sex, although you didn’t go into detail.

And you ended it by telling him about Billy’s reaction when you mentioned how you’d never seen his face before.

“He just hung up? And now the bastard is ghosting you? Give me your phone, let me give him a piece of my mind,” he joked as he reached for your phone. Then he reached out to cup your cheek. “Forget him babe. If he can’t see that you were genuinely interested in him without even seeing him and therefore wouldn’t give a damn if he looked like a tree, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

You knew he’d say something like that because that was just the kind of guy Kenny was. You leaned into his arm and sighed, your eyes darting over to your phone.

“Easier said than done,” you complained lightly.

Even if you could forget him, you weren’t sure you really wanted to. Despite how it ended, knowing Billy had really opened you up. You didn’t want to forget that too.

------

“Who is a handsome boy? That’s right, it’s you,” you cooed at Liam, bouncing him a bit in your arms. “God you made one cute kid sis. It must have skipped you and gone straight to him.”

Kris swatted at you with the towel she was folding.

“I thought you came over here to spend time with us, not insult me. Just for that, you’re on diaper duty.”

You grinned at her and then looked back down at the baby in your arms. As far as you could tell, he didn’t look anything like his deadbeat dad who had disappeared the moment he found out he’d knocked your sister up. She had never really been scared to do it alone, not in the way you had expected her to be. No, her fear hadn’t come until they told her it was a high risk pregnancy.

But it worked out in the end. There was a happy baby boy that was healthy as an ox and your sister was all patched up too. She’d even probably be able to have more kids down the road if she wanted.

You’d finally told Kris everything about Billy. She had taken the high road and hadn’t said ‘I told you so’ even though she had. She’d told you that you’d get attached and get hurt, but you’d ignored her.

It was your job as her little sister to not listen to her. You were pretty sure you’d signed a contract at birth.

“You thinking about that douchebag again?”

You snorted as you looked over at Kris. She was sitting in the recliner with laundry piled up on the coffee table, grinning at you as she folded it all. And while once upon a time douchebag would have referred to Paul, you knew she meant it about Billy this time.

“Kenny said I should forget him,” you replied as you looked back down at Liam who was yawning, his eyes starting to droop.

“I always liked that guy,” Kris said as she handed you Liam’s pacifier.

You pressed it against his lips and watched as he immediately put it into his mouth, the gentle sound of sucking filling the silence as he slowly started to drift off. You tucked him up into your arms and rocked back and forth to help lull him to sleep.

“The thing is, I don’t want to forget Billy. Meeting him, our conversations and what came of it? It showed me that I can open up to people still. After everything with Paul, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to that point again, but I did. And it’s because of Billy.”

Kris raised her eyebrow at you, obviously not believing that was all.

“And because you’re still in love with him, right?”

Well. You’d never been able to lie to your sister.

“Yeah, apparently,” you sighed as you looked down at Liam. “It’s been almost two weeks. If I can’t forget Billy, maybe it’s at least time for me to try to move on.”

It was the least you could do.

------

The company you were going to was actually the one that Ethan worked for. He had told you that he’d meet you at the front door so he could lead you around. Apparently the company had recently added a medical aspect and your company needed to make sure that they were not only equipped for anything they might take on, but also that they were prepared for any disposals.

Ethan met you at the front of the large warehouse like he said, grinning at you as he did.

“Welcome to Anvil,” he said as he held the door open for you. “I don’t know what all you need to see or do; Mr Russo doesn’t work from the office much since the accident.”

You pulled your tablet out of your bag and looked over at Ethan curiously as you unlocked it.

“The accident?”

Ethan motioned to his face before he opened another door for you, showing you into a large open space where people were working out and sparring.

“It’s the reason he looked into expanding with a few medics on the payroll. He was doing a job with one of his teams and there was an accident. Huge explosion, killed a few guys. He had been pulling the client to safety and got hit in the face by shrapnel.” He gestured to his face again, lowering his voice as the two of you passed by some of the recruits that were sparring. “He’s pretty scarred up. Guy was ridiculously hot before the accident and I think it’s the vanity that makes him stay home as much as he does now.”

You felt sympathy for this Mr Russo. You couldn’t imagine having to face a life after becoming disfigured like that. Hopefully he had people in his life that helped him.

“He’s still pretty hot, actually,” Ethan said as he bumped into your arm. “I’ve thought about hitting on him just so he knows that he’s not some kind of monster.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes. Before you could say anything else, Ethan gestured to a set of doors that were labeled Medical Office. When you pushed them open, you saw a few people milling around what resembled a doctor’s office.

“Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N from that one medical company. She’s here to make sure we aren’t idiots when it comes to syringes,” Ethan joked with a wink in your direction. “Y/N, this is Jake Pell, Lorraine Morrow, and Curtis Hoyle. They are our medics.”

The name almost didn’t register, but then you were struck with it. The black man who was the third to shake your hand was the guy you were supposed to have sent a text to. Kenny had given you this man’s number in your time of need.

“Uh, hi,” you greeted, pulling your hand back and clearing your throat. You needed to be professional right now. “It’s not that we think you guys are idiots, but the government has very specific regulations for these kind of things. It’s my job to go to labs, medical offices, and apparently security firms who open medical offices to make sure that everyone is properly trained.”

Lorraine and Jake seemed to defer to Curtis, so you ended up spending more one on one time with him that you thought you would. Somehow you were able to curb your urge to tell him that you’d almost met him once more.

But every time you thought about mentioning it, mentioning that Kenny had tried to give you his number so that you could talk to someone, you thought about who you ended up talking to instead. At least this time when your mind went to Billy, there was a reason.

And you remembered that Billy had mentioned that he thought he knew the Curtis you had mentioned. The thought of Curtis knowing Billy, maybe knowing how to reach him since you had been ignored, made your chest hurt.

And yeah, maybe part of you wondered if there was any chance that Billy had mentioned you. Somehow you doubted it.

At some point in your tour around the office, making sure everything was up to standards, Curtis got a text message.

“Ah, the boss man is here,” he said as he looked up at you. “Does he need to be down here for this?”

“Well you three are the medics, so technically I just need to make sure that you guys know what you’re doing. But I do need him to sign a few things actually.”

Curtis nodded and typed something up. After a few moments, his phone dinged and he read it quickly.

“He’s gonna be in his office for a while. Once we’re done here, I can walk you up that way.”

You kept that in mind as you went over the rest of the information with them. Once you were satisfied, you had them sign off on the procedures. Then you turned to Curtis and gave him a smile.

“Lead the way Mr Hoyle,” you said with a nod.

Curtis walked beside you through the halls. You’d noticed the peculiar gait he had and it took a moment to realize that he probably had a prosthetic limb. You started to feel bad for asking him to take you but you remembered that he had offered.

At the office, you remembered what Ethan had said about Mr Russo’s scars. At least you would be prepared. You didn’t want the man to feel worse than he probably already did considering he apparently often hid himself from the world.

Curtis knocked on the door and pushed it open.

“Miss Y/L/N needs your signature,” he said before he stepped out. “It was nice to meet you. Thanks for the training.”

“Of course Mr Hoyle, thank you. I’ll email you all the copies of what you signed when I get back to the office.”

When you stepped into the office, you saw Mr Russo behind his desk. He was looking up at you curiously and you tried not to stare. You crossed over to his desk with the tablet in hand.

You knew what Ethan had meant. Yeah, the scars were bad, but he was still ridiculously attractive. It really wasn’t fair.

“Good afternoon Mr Russo. I just need a few signatures on these procedures. I’m going to email you and your people copies so you can look over it and reach out if you have any questions.”

Mr Russo still stared up at you, but the curiosity had turned to blatant staring at some point. You shifted on your feet as you held the tablet out, wondering why he wasn’t reacting at all.

Did you need to go get Curtis again?

“Mr Russo?”

He seemed to snap back to focus. He grabbed the tablet from you, standing up and walking over to your side as he looked it over. He removed the stylus and signed the first page, gesturing to you with it. You looked it over from the side and flipped through to the next page where you needed his signature.

“Right there,” you said as you tapped the box so he could sign something hastily. “Aaaaand here,” you added as you flipped to the next one.

Once he had finished signing, he held the tablet out to you. You reached out for it with a smile, your eyes darting from his intense gaze to the device. You reached out to accept the stylus but froze.

You had stared at some of the photos Billy had sent you for a long time. Almost to the point where you thought you could draw his hands from memory. Was it completely insane for you to think that these hands looked so much like his?

You looked back up and met his eyes as you took the stylus, your finger brushing against his. His mouth opened slightly, those dark eyes narrowing in on you.

“Thank you Mr Russo,” you said softly, uncertain. It was all in your head, right? You just missed Billy. “I’ll email the copies as soon as I can. It’s been a pleasure.”

You held your hand out to him and waited. After a moment, he wrapped his hand around yours, giving it a quick, perfunctory shake.

After you had your hand back, you slid the tablet back into your bag. You were very aware that Mr Russo was still staring at you. You gave him a brief smile and turned to leave, unsure what else to do.

As you reached the door, he spoke for the first time since you’d walked in.

“Y/N,” he called, his voice strained.

How… Curtis had referred to you as Miss Y/L/N and you hadn’t introduced yourself. It was the first thing that you thought when he’d said your name.

And then you realized that you recognized the voice. It was different in person, but it was still so familiar.

You’d missed it so much these past few weeks.

Back tense, you turned to look at him. He was still standing where you’d left him, his eyes wide as he looked at you. And even though there was no way that this was real, you couldn’t help but respond.

“Billy?”

His eyes widened and you watched him slump against the desk. It was him. After weeks of radio silence, weeks of missing someone you kept being told to get over, you were face to face with him.

You watched him swallow, his mouth working silently for a moment before he said your name again.

“Y/N, I can–”

No. Even the pleasure at hearing him say your name again, in person no less, wasn’t enough to overturn the pain you’d gone through for weeks.

“I’ll forward you the finalized copies shortly Mr Russo,” you said in what you hoped was a professional voice before you turned around to leave.

You barely refrained from running from his office, taking the steps two at a time to the front of the warehouse. You heard your name being called, but it wasn’t from Billy. Ethan was standing nearby, confusion on his face. He made his way over to you, his arm immediately going around your shoulders.

“You okay? You’re shaking,” he said as he looked over his shoulder in the direction you’d just come from. “What the hell happened in there?”

“It’s nothing,” you said, voice shaking and undermining what you were saying. “I’ll explain it to you later E, I promise, but I gotta get out of here.”

He nodded, guiding you towards the doors. You couldn’t help but peek over his shoulder. Billy was in the windows that had been behind his desk, overlooking the training area. You knew he could see you so you turned to look forward again.

“I’m calling Ken though. He’s off work today. I don’t like you leaving while you’re like this. I can ask Russo if I can leave early–”

“No, don’t,” you said in a rush, your eyes almost darting back up to where you’d seen Billy moments ago. “I’ll go straight to my office and finish this up and then I’ll go to your place. Please, don’t leave work because of this.”

You could tell that he wanted to push back, but instead he nodded. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead, walking you the rest of the way to the front.

“I’m still calling Kenny,” he said with a smile.

You didn’t expect any less.

------

Kenny had pulled you into the office and marched you over to the couch before you even had a chance to knock. After you’d gone to your office to email the papers to the people that needed them, you’d left work a little early and went straight to Kenny and Ethan’s place. And it seemed that Kenny had been waiting for you.

“So I get this long text from Ethan while I’m doing dishes, right? About how you had been at Anvil and the last he’d seen, you were fine, but then you come back and you look like you just saw a ghost. He told me that you wouldn’t let him ask off work to stay with you and he was worried. And I already don’t like my best friend being upset and my boyfriend being upset, but both of them? It was a fun afternoon.”

“Kenny,” you started, but he held up a hand and didn’t let you finish.

“I started to think about what it could have been because you’ve been doing great. Then I remembered that Curtis started to work for Anvil recently. Of course I discarded that idea because Curtis wouldn’t have done anything to hurt you. But then,” he said pointedly, letting you know that this was the part for you to focus on, “then I remembered his boss’s name. William Russo; known to most people as Billy.”

You felt sick. You weren’t even sure if you were crying or if your body was just shaking, but Kenny immediately wrapped his arms around you.

“It was him, wasn’t it? And he was there? How’d you recognize him?”

You wiped at your face but your hand came back dry.

“He uh, he recognized me. He just kept staring at me and I thought… but I wasn’t sure. I was just about to leave and he said my name.”

Him saying your name had always been one of your favorite parts of your phone calls. And the night… well, the night things had gone to hell, him calling out your name? You wished you could say that you didn’t hear it in your dreams, but it’d be a lie.

“Shit. Did he even try to explain why he ghosted you?”

You could vaguely remember him starting to say something before you cut him off. Maybe he had been about to explain, but you couldn’t hear it. You couldn’t listen to anything he had to say.

Kenny took your silence to mean that Billy hadn’t explained. He tugged you back into a hug and sighed, his hand pressing to the back of your head as he held you.

You would have to explain it all to Ethan. You doubted Kenny had betrayed your privacy by telling him before now, but he deserved to know.

You just hoped it wouldn’t affect him at work.

------

It was quiet in your apartment. You’d settled down in the chair, your legs drawn up to your chest as you stared at the muted television. Ethan now knew everything. After you told him what happened and talked to the two of them for a while longer, you had come home.

It’d been a long day and you should want to go to bed, but you knew your dreams would be of Billy. Now you knew what he looked like so it would give those memories and fantasies a face.

Was that why he’d been so against you seeing his face? The scars were bad, sure, but you didn’t care. Even if he hadn’t still been ridiculously attractive, you didn’t think those scars would have changed how you felt about him.

Your phone lit up on the coffee table and you sighed. Kenny had told you he’d call and check in, but you thought he had meant tomorrow.

When you grabbed the device, you nearly dropped it when you saw that Billy’s name was flashing on the screen. In your shock, you let it ring through. Once the screen went dark, you wondered if you should try to call him back.

Did you want to talk to him? You deserved an explanation at least.

Before you could convince yourself to call him back and demand an explanation, the phone started to ring again. This time you answered.

“Well it only took you three weeks,” you said in a flat voice, your hand shaking against your knee. “Granted I’m well aware you wouldn’t have called if I hadn’t come to Anvil, so I guess it shouldn’t count.”

“I wanted to explain at the office, but you didn’t seem like you wanted to hear it.”

You settled into the chair with a frown.

“Because it was three weeks too late, Billy. I tried, you know, I tried to get an explanation from you. Hell, I would have accepted you telling me to fuck off. But instead I just got ghosted. And right after…” You couldn’t fill in that blank, but you didn’t think he needed you to. “So no, I didn’t want to hear your explanation today. I shouldn’t have to hear some bullshit three weeks later just because I was there.”

There was nothing but silence on the other line. You pulled the phone back and saw that it was still connected, so you knew he hadn’t hung up. This time.

“Why did you even… you could have just stayed quiet. I wouldn’t have known that it really was you. I could have just left, no drama.”

He would have known it was you, but you could have been blissfully unaware.

“I thought you deserved to know,” he said softly, to the point that you had to strain your ears just to hear him. And then a little clearer, “What do you mean you wouldn’t have known it really was me?”

You hadn’t realized you’d said that. You closed your eyes but decided what did this matter? You’d already had your heart broken; a little embarrassment was nothing, right?

“Your hands. When I was taking the stylus from you, I saw your hands. They just, well, they just looked familiar. I told myself it was just in my head. That I missed you and that’s why I thought they looked like yours.”

This time the silence was a little more pronounced. You were just about to pull the phone back and check again when he cleared his throat.

“You missed me?”

You felt like cold water had been dumped over your head. It was your turn to clear your throat as you tried to come up with something to say to that, some response. You weren’t sure why you decided to just lay it all out for him, but you were tired of holding it in.

“Yeah, I missed you. You were important to me. You made me happy, even just… just as friends. And then what happened after, well, after what we did, it…” You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You took a deep breath, your eyes screwed shut as you continued. “I don’t think I ever told you about Paul, my ex. He made it so that my whole world revolved around him and then when that wasn’t enough, he got violent. And because of that, you know, I thought I wouldn’t ever get to that place again. I thought that I couldn’t handle intimacy in any form because it was going to make me vulnerable and I never wanted to be in that place again.”

You were crying. You wiped at the tears, but it didn’t matter. It was plain in your voice that you were crying.

“And then I get to that point again, for the first time since everything went to hell, and it’s great. Not just because it’s great,” you stressed, unable to help the little laugh you let out at the word play, “but because it was someone that I trusted and that I thought… someone I cared about. And for a split second, I let myself think that being vulnerable wasn’t that bad. And then my heart is being ripped out of my chest and I’m left to pick up the pathetic pieces.”

The tears were still falling. You felt like your body had been dragged behind a car and all you wanted to do is hang up and go to bed, but you didn’t move. You tried to get your breathing under control, focusing on that first. Once you were sure you weren’t about to break down into sobs again, you tried again.

“I should have listened when my sister and Kenny and Ethan told me to get over you,” you whispered as you wrapped your arm around your legs.

And yet you still didn’t hang up. You rested your head on your knees and waited.

From the other end of the call, you heard his breath catch at that last part. Maybe you shouldn’t have included Ethan in the list, but it was true.

“I pushed you away,” he admitted, his voice thick with tension. “I know it was the coward’s way out, but I had my reasons. I figured if you saw my face that you’d–”

“That I’d what, run away screaming? You thought so little of me that you didn’t trust that I wouldn’t give a damn about some scars?”

“No,” he said in a raised voice, not quite yelling but close enough to make you jerk upwards in surprise, “no, I didn’t think that little of you. I think that little of myself. You never saw me before the accident, but yeah, I’ll admit to being insecure. And I didn’t think I was worthy of this thing with you unless it was anonymous. I figured that way you wouldn’t know what you were missing.”

He had said that without seeing his face, you could imagine whatever you wanted. It made sense, looking back, but it didn’t stop the hurt you felt. He had run away from you because of his scars; he didn’t even give you a chance to show him that it didn’t matter to you.

“If that’s how you felt, you should have just told me to stop. To stop sending the pictures, to stop flirting. When you called me, the things you said, I thought that you wanted me too, but if you didn’t want that, you should have–”

“Of course I wanted you,” he said quickly, drawing you up short in your emotional ramble. “When I realized it was you in my office this afternoon, I felt like I was having a heart attack. I heard your voice and I thought it was you, and then you were there—close enough to touch, to smell your perfume—and you looked so much better in person than you do in pictures. And you weren’t looking at me in fear or disgust. You just… looked at me.”

You let out a watery laugh, running your nails over the cloth that covered your knee.

“My first thought when I saw you was that it wasn’t fair that you were that attractive, actually,” you informed him as you sniffled, wiping under your eyes.

He sighed and you wondered what was going through his head.

“That night when you texted me, after I hung up, you said that you wanted me.”

There was a lump in your throat and no matter how many times you swallowed, it didn’t disappear. It felt like your heart was going to break all over again.

“Yeah, I d–did,” you said, stumbling over the last word and which tense you wanted to use.

You could hear him sigh again, the noise carrying over the line. You bit your lip to keep it from wobbling as you waited to see what he’d say.

“If there’s any chance that you still feel that way or that you might, some day, feel that way again, I just want you to know that I want to try again. No walls this time. I want to take you out on a date and meet your sister and your nephew and Kenny and Ethan—although I already know Ethan, actually—and I want to show you that I can do better. You deserve better and I want to give that to you.”

The tears on your cheeks were fresh. You dropped your forehead to your knees, not sure if you wanted to cry or laugh at that moment.

“You think it’ll just work like that? You want to do better and I deserve better and that erases what happened? Suddenly it doesn’t matter that we have phone sex and then two minutes later you break my heart?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said softly. And then a little firmer, “I know that I fucked up; I’m not denying that. What I’m saying is that I want to make it up to you. I’m sorry for what I did. I was sorry the moment I did it, but I stupidly thought I knew how it’d end so I decided to end it before it got that far. I fucked up. Let me show you how it should have gone.”

You sniffled as you sat up again, the beginning of something brewing in your chest.

“How should it have gone?”

There was an audible sigh of relief on the other end of the line.

“Well when you said that you didn’t want to imagine anyone else, I should have told you about my accident. I should have told you about the scars so that when I sent you a picture, you wouldn’t have been surprised. And then if you were sure that they didn’t bother you, I should have asked you out on a date. Maybe not somewhere too public because I still get looks and I haven’t figured out how to react yet, but somewhere with the two of us. I should have shown you that I was falling for you. And that you were the only thing that I wanted more than I wanted my face back.”

You were crying again, but it wasn’t in pain this time. Or maybe it was, but a different kind of pain. This was loss of something you could have had. Three weeks of silence when it could have been handled so differently.

But you didn’t want to dwell on that. You needed to make a decision.

You looked at the clock on your bookshelf and bit your lip. It was just after eight.

“Do you know that diner a few blocks down from Anvil, the one that’s open all night? I can’t remember the name,” you offered a little helplessly.

“Yeah?” He sounded so hopeful.

“It’s usually empty around this time except for the people that work there and a few college kids. Do you uh, would you want to meet me there?”

You held your breath as you waited for a response, but it was there before you had a chance to think twice.

“I can be there in twenty,” he replied easily. “And Y/N?”

Your name on his lips once more. Butterflies erupted in your stomach at the sound.

“Yeah?”

You could hear a smile in his voice.

“Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Don’t make me regret it Billy, please. I don’t think I could handle that again.”

------

A kiss was placed to your cheek and you looked up, smiling as lips met yours in retaliation.

“Hi,” you mumbled into the kiss, clutching Billy’s collar and pulling him in a little closer. “I missed you.”

He pulled back long enough to mumble the words back before he kissed you again, diving in a bit deeper this time.

“Okay guys, there’s a baby present,” Kris complained with a grin as she switched Liam over to her other arm. “We gotta tell auntie to keep it PG, don’t we? Because she can’t keep her hands off her man and it’s gross.”

Billy settled in next to you in the booth, grinning over at Kris. Kenny and Ethan were on the inside of the half moon shaped booth, both of them rolling their eyes.

“Sorry Kris,” he offered, leaning over to tug on the blanket so that he could see Liam’s face. “And sorry Liam, but one day you’ll meet some girl and you’ll understand.”

“Hey, he could meet some guy,” Kenny complained with a pout, earning a kiss to the cheek from Ethan.

“Let’s not start debating the kid’s sexuality before he’s even a year old,” Ethan said, grinning at Kris as he did so.

“Touche,” Billy said as he raised the beer you had ordered him to his employee. Then he leaned into your shoulder. “Sorry I’m late, by the way. I got stuck in traffic.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek, a move that had taken you a while to get him used to. You barely noticed the scars on his cheeks and while he was a great deal better now, you knew he still had moments of insecurity.

Hell, it’d taken all this time for him to start being able to go in public again.

“I’ll forgive you this time,” you joked as you laced your fingers with his, pushing a menu between the two of you so that you could both look. “Kenny was just telling us about him walking into his boss’s office and seeing her changing. He’s traumatized and it’s hilarious.”

Billy didn’t even get a chance to say anything before Ethan cut in.

“That’s why I always knock before I go into your office Billy,” he said with a grin, his eyes going between the two of you, “because I feel like I’d respect you more as a boss and Y/N more as a friend if I don’t see you two having sex.”

“Hey!” you cried, laughing even as you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Wait, you two haven’t actually had sex in his office, have you?” Kris looked between your ashamed face and Billy’s very satisfied smirk and let out a loud groan. “You two aren’t allowed to babysit Liam anymore. I don’t trust you guys not to go off into a dark corner to boink. Seriously, at what point in a relationship do you stop wanting to be all over each other?”

“Hopefully never,” Billy said as he brushed his nose against your cheek, making you smile.

“They’ll get out of that stage,” Kenny said with a wave of his hand. “Ethan and I have been together for five years and we’re not that bad.”

You gaped as you looked between the two of them.

“You’re kidding me, right? I had to buy earplugs my third day living with you guys and I was on the other side of the apartment. I feel bad for the people that share a wall with your bedroom.”

As the group dissolved into laughter at that, Kris jokingly scolding the two of them for scarring her baby sister, Billy wrapped his arm around your waist and tugged you in closer to him.

“Maybe because I almost lost the chance to ever get this, I don’t ever want to miss a chance again,” he whispered into your ear, just for you.

You looked up at him and smiled softly. The memory of the pain was so faint that you could almost laugh about it now. He’d more than made up for his poor reaction in the time that passed.

“I love you,” you whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“I love you,” he replied back just as quietly, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. You could see the mischief in his eyes as he glanced over at the table where your friends and family were still distracted. “Wouldn’t want to sneak away to the bathroom or my car, would you?”

You grinned wide, kissing him again.

You really needed to thank Kenny and Ethan for having such horrible handwriting that you couldn’t tell the difference between Billy’s number and Curtis’s. The difference it made in your life was palpable and you couldn’t imagine a life without Billy.

Guess there was no such thing as a wrong number.

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