#so she can see what they're doing and make guesses about how they're feeling
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29 / 2.1k / soap soulmate au, part 6
...
Ghost looks up as Soap storms out of the weapons closet.
"Still herself, I take it?" Ghost asks.
"She's a stubborn pain in the ass is what she is."
As expected. Soap misses the dry amusement that crinkles the corners of Ghost's eyes very slightly. "Didn't talk, then," Ghost says.
Soap scowls. "Not a goddamn word we can use. She won't listen to reason. Thinks she can face down an army. Dense, irritating--"
"Strong-willed," Ghost says.
"To a damn fault. Canny see what I'm trying to do for her. I'm-- she's--" Soap can hardly articulate his frustration. He's got this sick feeling in his stomach like he's been kicked in the gut hard enough to make him hurl.
It's not just you being too stubborn to give up the intel. What happens when you’re freed? You’re not going to stick around. What if Graves snaps his fingers and you go right on back to him?
Soap lets out a rough sigh. "There's more than Graves keeping her from talking. I don't like it."
"You've got a plan?" Ghost guesses.
Soap nods. "Aye. I need to talk to Laswell--"
"Done." Ghost produces a beige folder and drops it into Soap's hands. "Had her look into it for you."
"I'll be damned." Soap flips through the pages in the folder. "Christ. Bloody thin file." He fans the pages inside like a flipbook as if checking for extra pages. "Where's the rest of it?"
"Not much there to dig up."
"Then she's gotta be missin' some--" Something catches Soap's eye as he skims through, and he pauses, lingering on a photo.
Hell's fuckin' bells.
"Think that'll help?" Ghost asks.
"I'd wager so."
"Good. You goin' back in?"
"Aye.” Soap folds the file into his jacket and gives Ghost a good-natured fist bump to the arm. Then he brushes past him, knocking into his shoulder.
Ghost grabs Soap’s arm again before he slips past. "We don't have much time. Price wants to move on Alejandro. Says if you can't get the intel, we go in blind. Rodolfo leads."
Soap sets his jaw. "How long?"
"Three hours. Tops." He claps a firm hand on Soap's shoulder and turns to leave. "Get some sleep."
…
A moment later, the metal grate door slides open. You straighten back up and steel yourself again.
There's something different about the way Soap carries himself this time. He's not wound as tightly. But the way his eyes settle on you is... odd. The shift in his expression puts you on edge.
He sits down across from you. "We've not got much time. If talking gets us nowhere, we'll try something else."
You lean back, mirroring his posture. "You gonna torture me?”
“That what you’re expecting?”
“Maybe. You ever tortured someone before?"
"Aye. Can't say I care for it, but I know how if that's what this takes." He examines you again with that sharp gaze. You don't feel like he's undressing you with his eyes anymore. It's more like he's searching for something. "Why ask? You want me to put my hands on ya?"
You ignore the mental image that imprints. "I want you to waste your time."
Soap smirks. "What I wouldn't give to let you waste my time. You, me, all this animosity between us... I've got a few negotiation techniques I'd very much like to try." He leans back into the chair, his hands folded in his lap with an easy grin. "But you're no' the type to break under pressure."
"Better men than you have tried."
"Tried torturing you?" His grin tightens just slightly. "Anyone I know? Names, locations?"
Your cheeks heat up again. At that, for some reason. "I can take care of myself."
"I know you can."
He produces the thin file and tosses it onto the table between you.
You look down at the papers that slide out. They're grainy and covered in redactions as if printed and bound, pulled from the deep end of some filing cabinet, scanned, rescanned, and printed again. But you glimpse your name. Your real name--the one printed on Johnny's skin, too. Your chest twists and your stomach sinks.
Soap sees the change in you and leans forward, elbows wide. He opens the file and pushes it across the table. "I'll do anything to protect you, darlin'," he says. "But I need information."
The file is everything you don't want anyone to know. But what catches your eye is that photograph. "Who else has seen this?"
"Me and Laswell. Maybe Ghost if he was feelin' nosy. Does Graves know?"
You pull on your cuffs, wanting to reach for the pages and push them away. "Captain Graves said he'd make this disappear."
Soap leans back, broad palm sliding out to touch the edge of the pages, and his expression softens for a moment. "Some things you can’t make disappear."
You look at him, twisted up with pain and anger. "So, what, if I don't talk, you're threatening to expose all this? Is that it? It won't work," you add with false confidence. "Captain Graves knows everything."
"What I want to know," Soap says, voice quiet, "is what he did with it."
"What?"
Soap leans forward again. "Did he threaten you? Did he say he’d make this go away if you worked for him, hold it over your head?"
"No!” you snap. “After this happened, I couldn't-- I was discharged from the military. I couldn't find work. He reached out to me. Said he didn’t mind if I had… history. Then he offered to have it scrubbed if I wanted.” You stare down at the papers. “He never threatened me. He helped me."
Soap lets out a breath. He was prepared to deal with something a lot worse than that. Maybe he hoped for something worse. If Graves were blackmailing you, the solution would be easy. He'd give you protection, offer to have Laswell erase that file from existence instead, CIA-style. After all, if Graves got his claws into you and onto his payroll that way, why couldn't he? Probably got you dirt fucking cheap, too. Bastard.
Part of Soap wants to press that angle. He could tell you Graves never intended to deliver on his side of the deal. But the truth is that Graves would've had little control over this. Seeing the state of the file, Graves likely did what he could to have it redacted, sealed, destroyed--but someone over his head intervened. Shepherd, maybe. There'd be nothing Graves could do.
Soap wants you more than anything, but the pain in your eyes when you look at these documents tears him up inside. He can’t manipulate you that way. Even if he got you to himself in the end, he'd never forgive himself.
"That's... that's good. He protected you." Soap crosses his arms, squeezing his fist hard around the object inside, the one he pickpocketed off Ghost a few minutes ago. Much as he hates Graves, the man kept you safe. But that's his job now.
"I don't care who you tell," you snap, suddenly full of anger and spitting fire. The sight of those pages puts you on edge. You feel like a cornered animal. "I'm not telling you a goddamn thing. Do whatever you want to me. You're no better than--"
"Am no' blackmailin' ya." Soap's expression sours. So much venom in that mouth of yours. He runs his thumb over his tightened knuckles to suppress his own temper. He's amazed at how easy it is for you to get under his skin, how you push all these buttons when he's the one who's supposed to be pulling the strings.
But he realizes how this must seem. You act tough, but you're vulnerable, exposed, and he has every reason right now to drive the knife in and twist it hard. Maybe he should. Going into the Las Almas base blind means danger for his squadmates.
Christ, he’s tired. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Darlin’, I... I know now you've done things you're not proud of. But that doesn't change anything. Not to me, not to Ghost-- hell, none of us would bat an eye. You don’t need to protect yourself anymore. I need you to talk to me. We're out of time."
He thinks this is about you protecting yourself? You shake your head. "If you’re storming the Las Almas base, you're going up against Shadows. You're asking me to help you kill my own."
"If that matters to you, then tell me how to get to Alejandro without alerting the guards. Nobody has to get hurt."
You scoff, looking away. "There's no way to do that and you know it."
"We don't have to shoot them if they stand down first."
"That's not going to happen. They'll shoot you on sight. It'll be a bloodbath."
"Not for us."
You close your eyes. "I know. That's what I'm worried about."
Soap lets out a frustrated breath. "We're going in whether you talk or not. The blood's on our hands. Not yours."
You keep your gaze angled away, clearly not believing that. "I don't see why you care about security. I don't see why you need intel at all. This is what you're good at, right? This is what 141 does. You break in doors, you kill people."
Soap grips the edge of the table. "The only thing gettin' you out of here is information. I don't care what it is or if it's useful. Price wants intel."
"I don't have it." Your voice is flat and cold. Whatever you can do to make him understand you're not worth the effort.
He leans in and grabs your chin, gently forcing you to look at him. "Then lie to me."
"What?" You stare at him, feeling pinned under that intense gaze. "Are you fucking insane?"
"Might be," A small, sly, half-smile curves his lips. "I'm also desperate, runnin' out of time, and at the end of my rope after starin' at you this long, knowin' I can't have you." He runs his thumb along your cheek. "Maybe I'm bankin' on you losin' your mind before I do."
You swallow. "You'll be waiting awhile."
He smirks. His thumb moves from your cheek to your chin, fingers trailing down the side of your neck. "Do you think you're a good liar?"
Before you can answer, someone bangs on the metal door, rattling it. Price's voice echoes in from outside.
"Get some sleep, Soap," he calls. "We're briefing soon. Give it a rest. We’ll press her for more intel after we’ve got Alejandro back.”
Soap tenses at the sound of Price's voice. "Wasn't planning on sleepin'," he calls back.
"Wasn't a question," Price calls back. You hear him walk away.
Soap withdraws his hand, letting out a soft curse.
"Why would you give your own Captain false information?" you hiss. "You could lose your job. You could get court-martialed. Even if it worked, what if Shepherd finds out? He's still in your chain of command."
"Guess that's a risk I gotta take."
"Then what if I tell you something that gets your teammates hurt, huh?"
"Won't happen. I'll be in the front when things get risky."
"Then how do you expect me to-- if it means you're the one who's--" You huff, words failing you. "You're so goddamn thick."
"Am I? Because here I am, tryin' to make plans and get a read on you, and all you wanna do is piss me off and run your mouth. I'm learnin' a lot." He tilts his head. "In fact, it's startin' to sound like you're worried about me."
"Absolutely not."
"Could always tell me the truth. Extra insurance if you do. Maybe it’ll keep me alive."
"You don't need it," you snap.
"I think I do." He leans in, crossing his legs and folding his arms. "Got a bad feeling about this one. No Shadow worth their salt wouldn’t send us straight to hell if it meant finishing the job. Especially Graves."
You feel another pang of dread in your gut. He's right.
He watches you for another long moment. Neither of you speak.
Finally, he stands, sighing deeply as he goes to the door. "Alright."
"Are you coming back?" The words spill out of your mouth before you can stop them.
He pauses in the doorway. Then he turns back, staring at you like there's something he wants to say. He looks down at the stolen object still clutched in his hand--the key to your cuffs.
He opens the door, slipping through without another word.
...
part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / [part 6] / part 7 / part 8
more Soap / masterlist tag
#soulmate soap#mine#story#soulmate au#fem reader#john soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish#soap cod#johnny mactavish#soap mactavish#soap x reader#x reader#soap x you#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish x you#cod#cod x reader#call of duty#call of duty x reader#cod mw2#cod mwii#tf 141#tf 141 x reader
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It's Zutara Month 2024 So I'm Gonna Discuss (See: Fangirl) Them and Emotional Labor
Katara cooks, sews, but most of all: she gives unconditional emotional support for her brother, and later the rest of the Gaang.
Illustrated after Appa was stolen, the Gaang got stuck in a desert without much water, food or any means of transportation besides their legs. Katara gave everyone her bending water, without drinking any herself, responded to everyone with compassion, and by the end she helped bring Aang back to himself while he was out of control in the Avatar State.
Even after the episode is over, next episode and she helps delivering a baby, and still makes sure to look after Aang.
Sokka too testified that Katara did a lot of labor for him:
Sokka: Actually, in a way, I rely on [Katara's bossiness].
Toph: I don't understand.
Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara, she had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helpwd fill the void that was left by our mom.
Toph: I guess I never thought about that.
And appropriately, Katara is the one doing the vast majority of the emotional labor in her relationships. She takes care everyone, comfrots them, and protects them. Take "The Deserter" as an example: Aang was being extremely careless with his new found fire bending ability, to the point where he accidently burns Katara's hands.
Katara herself never express her anger at him, she ends up healing her own wounds. Sokka does the scolding. A\ang felt incredibly guilty, but still – by the end, Katara is the one comfroting Aang when he wants to give up on fire bending.
Katara takes care of everyone in the Gaang, making sure they're well, helping them heal their scars. Moreover, Katara often brings up her own grief to empthize with other people's loss. It's a pattern of sorts:
1) A character talks about their past with the Fire Nation
Haru: Yeah. Problem is ... [Close-up, earthbends two stones in a circle above his hand.] the only way I can feel close to my father now is when I practice my bending. He taught me everything I know.
Jet: The Fire Nation killed my parents. I was only eight years old. That day changed me forever.
Hama: I'm sorry. It's too painful to talk about anymore.
2) Katara brings up her own grief, sympathizing with their loss
Katara (to Haru): See this necklace? My mother gave it to me.
Katara (to Jet): Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.
Katara (to Hama): We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.
A\ang is a bit of an exception, given that she brought up her grief to prepare him for the loss of his people. (Ad they all respond sympathetically). Still, she brings it up to sympathize and help. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. but here is how it went with Zuko:
1) A character talks about their past with the Fire Nation
Katara: You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.
2) Katara brings up her own grief, sympathizing with their loss
Zuko: I'm sorry. That's something we have in common.
It's Zuko who responds to her grief this time. It's him empathizing with her. It's him doing the emotional labor for her. And it's this sympathy is their first real civil conversation, establishing that in their relationship, Zuko will do some of the labor needed of him.
In The Southern Raiders, Katara opens up to Zuko, compleyely unprompted, while she is yet to forgive him, about the precise events that led to her mother's death.
A thing she has never done with anyone, and is doing now with someone she considers untrust worthy. Zuko responds with "your mother was a brave women". She, once again, is on the reciving end of the emotional labor – and in a way that is deeper than any other intance of her in the show.
In rest of the episode, Zuko is the one thinking of her and taking care of her.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
Katara takes care of everyone, but it is with Zuko that she recives the help she deserves.
She put herself in danger to help A\ang, she helpped him after he'd burnt her, and she stepped up when her mother died. But with Zuko, he is the one reaching out. He's the one taking care of her needs.
#zutara#zutara month 2024#zutara month#zutara meta#pro zutara#anti anti zutara#zuko x katara#katara x zuko#zutara analysis#zutara evidence#zutara forever#zutara nation#zutara should have been canon#zutara supremacy#zutara was robbed#zutarian
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Adding Emotional Impact to Sibling Reunion
Anonymous asked: So I'm writing a scene where my MC walks by her missing older brothers on the street, who she hasnt seen since he dissapeared 7 years prior. My problem is that I would like for this to be a very emotional meeting where both are overjoyed to see the other still alive and well. But I can't seem to get the emotional part down. It ends up just looking like two old classmates running into each other a few years after graduation instead of two people who believed the other was dead. Do you have any tips on how to get this down?
There are a few things you can do to make sure this reunion has good emotional impact:
1 - Build Context - Probably the most important thing you can do is make sure you've adequately built up context for why this reunion would have an emotional impact. If all the reader knows is that the character's brother has been missing for seven years and is presumed dead, that reunion is going to fall pretty flat. So, do what you can to build context by showing what this event (the brother going missing and being presumed dead) has meant to the character on an emotional level. What was the initial event like for the MC, when the sibling went missing? What were the coming days and months like? What was it like when the sibling was declared dead? What are all the things the MC has missed about their sibling, what dreams and nightmares have they had? Have they ever dared to hope they were alive out there somewhere and would be reunited? Exploring these situations, questions, and feelings ahead of the reunion helps to build up emotional context that gives the reunion more impact.
2 - Explore Thoughts - The next most important thing you can do is make sure to explore the MC's thoughts in the moments immediately before, during, and immediately after the reunion, and make sure what they're thinking doesn't fall flat. If they first see the sibling and think, "Huh, I guess my sibling is still alive after all," that's not going to do the scene any favors. On the other hand, if they see the sibling and do a double-take, thinking they must be mistaken, then look again. and after a short mental debate--because after all, the sibling would have changed somewhat in seven years--realize they're right and it's them, imagine the thoughts that would flood into their minds. They'd think things like: they're alive? How is this possible? Where have they been? Why haven't they reached out? How is this the first time I'm seeing them? Should I approach them? Will they remember me? What if they don't remember me? What should I say? Now imagine what they'd be thinking as they approach them, as the reunion occurs, and in the moments immediately after. Exploring these kinds of thoughts gives the scene much more weight.
3 - Explore Emotions - In addition to exploring the character's thoughts, you can also highlight the emotions they feel just before, during, and just after the reunion. These emotions will go hand-in-hand with the things they're thinking. For example, what emotion and emotional cues do they feel when they first recognize the sibling and do the double-take? Nostalgia, longing, panic? Heart pounding? Stomach twisting? What do they feel as they begin to doubt whether or not the sibling will remember them? Anxiety? Dread? Butterflies in the stomach? Suddenly feeling chilled? Adding emotion and internal emotional cues to your description of this event adds dimension and authenticity to the scene.
I hope that helps!
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space babies and the devil's chord first watch thoughts
a couple of these are things i wrote down while watching but most is off the top of my head afterwards. will probs rewatch in the week and be more on it writing down thoughts etc
spaces babies
starting the episode with however many minutes of the doctor telling ruby his life story is... idk. defo didn't hate it but also it felt very powerpoint-y like they're just tryna get all the info out and hit the bases for the new viewers. which is partly understandable and i do think it make sense for the new therapised doctor to be willing to give out info about himself but that coupled with him giving her the key at the end of the ep is like hm i maybe woulda preferred her to find out misc stuff over time? not just have his life story dumped on her when they've just met??? idrk.
with prev eras, that stuff came over time or with 13 the fam finding out about where the doctor was from was a big thing bc it took a whole season and also there was meaning behind it, she was just telling them to get them to stop asking. where as this doesn't feel as deep? it felt, like i said, more about telling the audience than about anything else. even if it does make sense he'd be willing to be open bc of his new therapised self and also the fact him and ruby relate in certain ways so he might feel closer to her quicker
the exact same phone trick that nine did with rose is so... another thing that's like okay fine and also that rose scene was 19yrs ago now so it's not like it happened recently but it being by the same writer is like maybe think of something new. at least the scenes weren't in the same context like with nine and rose it was right after a fight but this was more chill
the doctor purposely scaring the babies was so 😭😭😭
the babies were so cute like. i low-key felt a bit teary when we first met them and they were saying about being alone or whatever it was
some review mentioned that the doctor said 'space babies' a lot and yeah he did and i noticed it every time and idk if that's bc of the review mentioning it or if i woulda noticed anyways but either way it was annoying
ruby sunday monday tuesday wednesday
fifteen and ruby have good banter idk i didn't list every moment but they're defo good together
gonna be real idk why they didn't just let that bogeyman die like. was he or was he not tryna kill them for half the episode. call him a baby but that is not a baby. that ending felt strange idrk
overall a good ep, gave it 3.5/5. has potential to be a 4/5 on rewatch but we'll see
the devil's chord
maestro i doubted you but i stan kinda
the scenes that were released as sneak peaks were WAYYYY better in the actual context of the episode
a susan mention in the year of our lord 2024 is craaaazy. loved it but again is like my first space babies point where it kinda feels like stuff is being revealed to kinda give new viewers back story?? but ALSO susan finally getting mentioned by name is great and what she deserves so idk
one review said ruby was 'casually bisexual' and i did watch these eps at 6/7am so maybe i missed something but.. i didn't notice a single bi ruby moment
maestro mentioning the one who waits at the end was like omfg can we be more creative. i am really into what this season is doing and the toymaker being maestro's dad is really cool but can we find ways of hinting at stuff that isn't literally just a character saying 'they're coming'. it's so lazy
not sure why there's been a six month time skip between episode one and two???? just to keep up with our time? very unnecessary and i feel like doesn't fully work bc ruby has FRESH companion vibes still (like how by now she would defo have found out that shit going bad in the past would fuck up her life in the future but she didn't) but we're i guess supposed to believe it's been six months? whatever
all the fourth wall breaking isn't my fave
why was there a song and dance at the end i know it was music ep but it felt strange/unnecessary
the doctor aggressively pointing the sonic at maestro was so funny like. worried ppl would play guns on the playground with the old sonic design and then you have the doctor do that lol very unserious
the next time trailer looked really cool i'm looking forward to more darker eps, these were mostly just fun
gave this ep 4/5. could go down, defo won't go up i don't think
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Obsessed with the POV choice in Imperial Radch as well, both because Leckie does some really wild stuff with how expansive the strict first-person is able to become due to the worldbuilding and who her narrator is, and because it's SO entangled with the central thematic concepts of identity. In the first book flashbacks when the narrator is still a warship, "I" can encompass so many things, and sometimes explicitly refers to different facets in the narration--is "I" Justice of Toren, or One Esk, or a specific segment, or Breq narrating from twenty years in the future? "I" isn't simple, isn't unified, and while this is most literal and obvious with Breq/One Esk/Justice of Toren and Anaander Mianaai's split factions it's true constantly throughout the work at every level of scope. Individual characters struggle with internal conflicts and hit their breaking points--what is it that makes someone decide they have to disobey orders and make a stand or they won't be themself anymore? How do you know who you are if you've been forcibly changed (Tisarwat) or if the world you knew has moved on and become unrecognizable (Seivarden)? How does a character on a colonized world navigate the split identity that comes from the pressure to assimilate to the dominant culture? And then there's the Radch writ large, all the Radchaai so deeply invested in the idea that there is only one true concept of Radchaai society, of civilization, but of course there isn't! It changes based on location and over time, and Breq muses that the Radchaai empire would be largely unrecognizable to the isolated sphere of the Radch itself. In these books, even if you aren't the last remnant of a destroyed spaceship and its legion of bodies, "I" is such a complicated concept and the narrative never lets you forget it.
#imperial radch#i looooove it#first-person but Let's Make It Weird#and that's not even touching on the way Breq can get data from Mercy of Kalr once she's captain#so as long as Ship is watching she can see third-person-style scenes with her crew#and has access to their biometric data#so she can see what they're doing and make guesses about how they're feeling#but sometimes she's very very wrong!#('Seivarden doesn't love me.' girl please.)#and how that's ALSO tangled up in The Themes#because she's not a ship anymore! she only has one human brain so she can only pay attention to one thing at a time#can only watch one scene playing out; can't process all the data that Ship's collecting#can't swap out bodies when she's tired or regulate her own emotions or hold herself or sing with herself#and it reminds her of everything she's lost and it breaks her heart!#but it would also break her heart to give it up.
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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oh they fr had bitchnasty sex after this
#tomgreg#I CANT BREATHE HAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh wow. ohhhhhhh wow. oh wow. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa wow.#GREG REALLY SAID: YOU WANNA FUCK ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID.#the way tom goes OHHHhhhh at greg getting bold is Exactly the same tone me and my gf use with each other. just. you know. for reference.#BUT GREG'S LITTLE HEAD GESTURE BEFORE HE SAID PROVE IT LIKE HE REALLY MEANS IT?????? I GOTTA GO#also i'm sorry but they both read so fucking gay to me like so gay. esp greg in this moment. his line for comfry is so like.#it's so. like you just wouldn't do that. i think. if you were straight. I DONT KNOW I JUST FEEL A KINDRED SPIRIT IN HIM I GUESS.#''she seems like a nice.... person'' GIRL WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT AND THE PAUSE BEFORE PERSON I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.#i know what you both are.#like. fuck what else can i say about this scene. they're insane i guess????#oh btw i know for a fact tom thinks greg is the most beautiful weird ass creature he's ever seen#like you know a sea creature that's kinda weird that you'd find at the bottom of the ocean that you see in an aquarium#and you're like wow!! that's odd! but.... so beautiful#like that's greg to tom. yet he's like SHES SO PRETTY AND YOU'RE SO GROSS HAHAHA#like. i see what you're doing you fucking avocado you're like oh don't bother going after her bc you're sweet and she might actually say yes#she might like you for what i like you for and y'all might hook up and i can't be having that!!!#like he's so transparent lmfao.#how do i know tom thinks greg is beautiful?? well who else do you say would be fit to take over from your beautiful wife if she died#ALSO tom is just surprised that greg bit back he's not even like. angry? idk i feel like if anyone else said that they'd be#family guy on the floor pose#about shiv being out of his league i mean#HE EVEN LOOKED AT GREGS MOUTH WHEN HE DID THAT LMFAOOO HE THOUGHT THAT WAS HOT#GOD I HATE HIM HAHAaaaaaaahh#AND AFTER GREG SAYS PROVE IT IT JUST CUTS OFF?!??! DID YALL GO FUCK IN THE BATHROOM IM MDDDWDWKDW#ALSO IF YOU LOOK AT PREV POST/WHAT HAPPENED PREVIOUSLY. THEY TOUCHED EACH OTHER LIGHTLY DIDNT EVEN HUG.#and as i said it felt sort of like ''i don't wanna spoil your outfit we can do that later anyway when we fuck raw''#then you get this. and the cut off. so like. come on what the fuck am i supposed to think. just ignore it??#ALSO sorry. sorry. BUT TOMS FACE DURING IT ALL HES LIKE 20 YEARS YOUNGER!!!!!!! AAARRAHgh#ALSO!!!! sorry. sorry. sorry. but why are the colours the bisexual flag in the bg. why. for what reason.#tom keeps looking at gregs mouth all throughout talking about how he fucks. so fuck him. prove it pussy.
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#had an okay writing day for my thesis yesterday and it was a rly nice day overall and then idk. rsd hit i guess and#i went to sleep way too late so ofc today i've been feeling foggy and i haven't written a word and it's 6pm like..............#makes me feel like i wasted the work i did yesterday and i should've gone to my grandpa's bday celebrations yday#even though that didn't feel viable. he sure made me feel like shit for missing it too!#it just feels like see i could've gone and done yday's work today or some shit which ?? but sure#i just know myself and im p unbearable to be around rn/when im stressed/on a deadline so yk. + travel time + adjusting plus socialising...#also had a long talk w/ my friends yday and it was nice and it was all about how you experience consciousness but also idk.#also i keep being so sharp and kinda mean to one of my friends and it's sooooooooo she says it's fine and it's not that bad but ughhhhhhh#im sure the core of this spiral is i just rly don't like myself and i think im right not to so like. what now#and none of this even matters like. get it toGETHER#also adhd meds aren't magically fixing my life so that's another scam (but ok they DO help at least i can actually write and think then)#anyways.#i think it's. feeling this & hating myself and my friend talking about how they're past that and life is still hard for them#and it's not about me but it does make me feel stupid like true all my problems are self-made not even circumstancial like.#also feel like i keep saying the wrong thing to people and i keep messing up my words lately and boooooooo idk#anyways im ok i just don't wanna moan abt this to anyone specifically but clearly im stuck so yk?#should i share more nice moments here too??? i just always feel like whatever emotion im feeling disappears when i share it so???#maybe bc i overthink it then or whatever#but i can!! maybe i should#for yday: had a rly rly fun convo with a friend who gave me the wildest updates ever + spent time with 2 of my best friends#+ smelled the flowers and that v v specific spring to summer air and felt the sun on my face#FINE maybe therapists have a point
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Scott Pilgrim is, I think, the best example I can think of for establishing a setting's Nonsense Limit.
The setting's Nonsense Limit isn't quite "How high-fantasy is this". It's mostly a question of presentation, to what degree does the audience feel that they know the rules the world operates by, such that they are primed to accept a random new element being introduced.
A setting with a Nonsense Limit of 0 is, like, an everyday story.
Something larger than life, but theoretically taking place in our world, like your standard spy thriller action movie has a limit of 1.
Some sort of hidden world urban fantasy with wizards and stuff operating in secret has a nonsense limit around 3 or 4. A Superhero setting, presenting an alternate version of our world, is a 5 or 6.
High fantasy comes in around a 7 or so, "Oh yeah, Wizards exist and they can do crazy stuff" is pretty commonly accepted.
Scott Pilgrim comes in at a 10.
If you read the Scott Pilgrim book, it starts off looking like a purely mundane slice of life. The first hint at the fantastical is Ramona appearing repeatedly in Scott's Dreams, and then later showing up in real life.
When we finally get an explanation, it's this:
Apparently Subspace Highways are a thing? And they go through people's heads? And Ramona treats this like it's obscure, but not secret knowledge. Ramona doesn't think she's doing anything weird here.
At this point, it's not clear if Scott is accepting Ramona's explanation or not, things kind of move on as mundane as ever until their Date, when Ramona takes Scott through subspace, and he doesn't act like his world was just blown open or anything, although I guess that could have been a metaphor.
there's a couple other moments, but everything with Ramona could be a metaphor, or Scott not recognizing what's going on. Maybe Ramona is uniquely fantastical in this otherwise normal world.
And then, this happens
Suddenly, a fantastical element (A shitty local indie band finishing their set with a song that knocks out most of the audience) is introduced unrelated to Ramona, and undeniably literal. We see the crowd knocked out by Crash and The Boys.
but the story doesn't linger on the implications of that, the whole point of that sequence is to raise the Nonsense Level, such that you accept it when This happens
Matthew Patel comes flying down onto the stage, Scott, who until this point is presented as a terrible person and a loser, but otherwise is extremely ordinary, proceeds to flawlessly block and counter him before doing a 64-hit air juggle combo.
Scott's friends treat this like Scott is showing off a mildly interesting party trick, like being really good at darts.
The establish that Scott is the "Best Fighter in the Province", not only are street-fighter battles a thing, Scott is Very Good at it, but they're so unimportant that being the best fighter in the province doesn't make Scott NOT a loser.
So when Matthew Patel shows off his magic powers and then explodes into a pile of coins, we've established "Oh, this is how silly the setting gets".
It's not about establishing the RULES of the setting so much as it is about establishing a lack of rules. Scott's skill at street-fighter battles doesn't translate to any sort of social prestige. Ramona can access Subspace Highways and she uses it to do a basic delivery job. It doesn't make sense and it's clear that it's not supposed to.
So later on, when Todd Ingram starts throwing around telekinesis, and the explanation we're given is "He's a Vegan" , you're already so primed by the mixture of weirdness and mundanity that rather than trying to incorporate this new knowledge into any sort of coherent setting ruleset, you just go "Ah, yeah, Vegans".
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“Show, Don’t Tell”…But This Time Someone Explains It
If you’ve ever been on the hunt for writing advice, you've definitely seen the phrase “Show, Don’t Tell.”
Writeblr coughs up these three words on the daily; it’s often considered the “Golden Rule” of writing. However, many posts don't provide an in-depth explanation about what this "Golden Rule" means (This is most likely to save time, and under the assumption that viewers are already informed).
More dangerously, some posts fail to explain that “Show, Don’t Tell” occasionally doesn’t apply in certain contexts, toeing a dangerous line by issuing a blanket statement to every writing situation.
The thing to take away from this is: “Show, Don’t Tell” is an essential tool for more immersive writing, but don't feel like a bad writer if you can’t make it work in every scenario (or if you can’t get the hang of it!)
1. What Does "Show, Don't Tell" Even Mean?
“Show, Don’t Tell” is a writing technique in which the narrative or a character’s feelings are related through sensory details rather than exposition. Instead of telling the reader what is happening, the reader infers what is happening due to the clues they’ve been shown.
EXAMPLE 1:
Telling: The room was very cold.
Showing: She shivered as she stepped into the room, her breath steaming in the air.
EXAMPLE 2:
Telling: He was furious.
Showing: He grabbed the nearest book and hurled it against the wall, his teeth bared and his eyes blazing.
EXAMPLE 3 ("SHOW, DON'T TELL" DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN "WRITE A LOT MORE")
Telling: The room hadn't been lived in for a very long time.
Showing: She shoved the door open with a spray of dust.
Although the “showing” sentences don’t explicitly state how the characters felt, you as the reader use context clues to form an interpretation; it provides information in an indirect way, rather than a direct one.
Because of this, “Show, Don’t Tell” is an incredibly immersive way to write; readers formulate conclusions alongside the characters, as if they were experiencing the story for themselves instead of spectating.
As you have probably guessed, “showing” can require a lot more words (as well as patience and effort). It’s a skill that has to be practiced and improved, so don’t feel discouraged if you have trouble getting it on the first try!
2. How Do I Use “Show, Don’t Tell” ?
There are no foolproof parameters about where you “show” and not “tell" or vice versa; it’s more of a writing habit that you develop rather than something that you selectively decide to employ.
In actuality, most stories are a blend of both showing and telling, and more experienced writers instinctively switch between one and another to cater to their narrative needs. You need to find a good balance of both in order to create a narrative that is both immersive and engaging.
i. Help When Your Writing Feels Bare-Bones/Soulless/Boring
Your writing is just not what you’ve pictured in your head, no matter how much you do it over. Conversations are stilted. The characters are flat. The sentences don’t flow as well as they do in the books you've read. What’s missing?
It’s possibly because you’ve been “telling” your audience everything and not “showing”! If a reader's mind is not exercised (i.e. they're being "spoon-fed" all of the details), your writing may feel boring or uninspired!
Instead of saying that a room was old and dingy, maybe describe the peeling wallpaper. The cobwebs in the corners. The smell of dust and old mothballs. Write down what you see in your mind's eye, and allow your audience to formulate their own interpretations from that. (Scroll for a more in-depth explanation on HOW to develop this skill!)
ii. Add More Depth and Emotion to Your Scenes
Because "Show, Don't Tell" is a more immersive way of writing, a reader is going to feel the narrative beats of your story a lot more deeply when this rule is utilized.
Describing how a character has fallen to their knees sobbing and tearing our their hair is going to strike a reader's heart more than saying: "They were devastated."
Describing blood trickling through a character's fingers and staining their clothes will seem more dire than saying: "They were gravely wounded."
iii. Understand that Sometimes Telling Can Fit Your Story Better
Telling can be a great way to show your characters' personalities, especially when it comes to first-person or narrator-driven stories. Below, I've listed a few examples; however, this list isn't exclusive or comprehensive!
Initial Impressions and Character Opinions
If a character describes someone's outfit as "gaudy" or a room as "absolutely disgusting," it can pack more of a punch about their initial impression, rather than describing the way that they react (and can save you some words!).
In addition, it can provide some interesting juxtaposition (i.e. when a character describes a dog as "hideous" despite telling their friend it looks cute).
2. Tone and Reader Opinions
Piggybacking off of the first point, you can "tell, not show" when you want to be certain about how a reader is supposed to feel about something. "Showing" revolves around readers drawing their own conclusions, so if you want to make sure that every reader draws the same conclusion, "telling" can be more useful!
For example, if you describe a character's outfit as being a turquoise jacket with zebra-patterned pants, some readers may be like "Ok yeah a 2010 Justice-core girlie is slaying!" But if you want the outfit to come across as badly arranged, using a "telling" word like "ridiculous" or "gaudy" can help set the stage.
3. Pacing
"Show, don't tell" can often take more words; after all, describing a character's reaction is more complicated than stating how they're feeling. If your story calls for readers to be focused more on the action than the details, such as a fight or chase scene, sometimes "telling" can serve you better than "showing."
A lot of writers have dedicated themselves to the rule "tell action, show emotion," but don't feel like you have to restrict yourself to one or the other.
iv. ABOVE ALL ELSE: Getting Words on the Page is More Important!
If you’re stuck on a section of your story and just can’t find it in yourself to write poetic, flowing prose, getting words on the paper is more important than writing something that’s “good.” If you want to be able to come back and fix it later, put your writing in brackets that you can Ctrl + F later.
Keeping your momentum is the hardest part of writing. Don't sacrifice your inspiration in favor of following rules!
3. How Can I Get Better at “Show, Don’t Tell”?
i. Use the Five Senses, and Immerse Yourself!
Imagine you’re the protagonist, standing in the scene that you have just created. Think of the setting. What are things about the space that you’d notice, if you were the one in your character’s shoes?
Smell? Hear? See? Touch? Taste?
Sight and sound are the senses that writers most often use, but don’t discount the importance of smell and taste! Smell is the most evocative sense, triggering memories and emotions the moment someone walks into the room and has registered what is going on inside—don’t take it for granted. And even if your character isn’t eating, there are some things that can be “tasted” in the air.
EXAMPLE:
TELLING: She walked into the room and felt disgusted. It smelled, and it was dirty and slightly creepy. She wished she could leave.
SHOWING: She shuffled into the room, wrinkling her nose as she stepped over a suspicious stain on the carpet. The blankets on the bed were moth-bitten and yellowed, and the flowery wallpaper had peeled in places to reveal a layer of blood-red paint beneath…like torn cuticles. The stench of cigarettes and mildew permeated the air.
“How long are we staying here again?” she asked, flinching as the door squealed shut.
The “showing” excerpt gives more of an idea about how the room looks, and how the protagonist perceives it. However, something briefer may be more suited for writers who are not looking to break the momentum in their story. (I.e. if the character was CHASED into this room and doesn’t have time to take in the details.)
ii. Study Movies and TV Shows: Think like a Storyteller, Not Just a Writer
Movies and TV shows quite literally HAVE TO "show, and not tell." This is because there is often no inner monologue or narrator telling the viewers what's happening. As a filmmaker, you need to use your limited time wisely, and make sure that the audience is engaged.
Think about how boring it would be if a movie consisted solely of a character monologuing about what they think and feel, rather than having the actor ACT what they feel.
(Tangent, but there’s also been controversy that this exposition/“telling” mindset in current screenwriting marks a downfall of media literacy. Examples include the new Percy Jackson and Avatar: The Last Airbender remakes that have been criticized for info-dumping dialogue instead of “showing.”)
If you find it easy to envision things in your head, imagine how your scene would look in a movie. What is the lighting like? What are the subtle expressions flitting across the actors' faces, letting you know just how they're feeling? Is there any droning background noise that sets the tone-- like traffic outside, rain, or an air conditioner?
How do the actors convey things that can't be experienced through a screen, like smell and taste?
Write exactly what you see in your mind's eye, instead of explaining it with a degree of separation to your readers.
iii. Listen to Music
I find that because music evokes emotion, it helps you write with more passion—feelings instead of facts! It’s also slightly distracting, so if you’re writing while caught up in the music, it might free you from the rigid boundaries you’ve put in place for yourself.
Here’s a link to my master list of instrumental writing playlists!
iv. Practice, Practice, Practice! And Take Inspiration from Others!
“Show Don’t Tell” is the core of an immersive scene, and requires tons of writing skills cultivated through repeated exposure. Like I said before, more experienced writers instinctively switch between showing and telling as they write— but it’s a muscle that needs to be constantly exercised!
If I haven’t written in a while and need to get back into the flow of things, I take a look at a writing prompt, and try cultivating a scene that is as immersive as possible! Working on your “Show, Don’t Tell” skills by practicing writing short, fun one-shots can be much less restrictive than a lengthier work.
In addition, get some inspiration and study from reading the works of others, whether it be a fanfiction or published novel!
If you need some extra help, feel free to check out my Master List of Writing Tips and Advice, which features links to all of my best posts, each of them categorized !
Hope this helped, and happy writing!
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#i don't normally post stuff like that here but i need a place where i can just vent within it being seen by those people#anyway ok i just wish my friends were my friends more alsksjdj#i see ppl with their best friends how they talk about them what they do together and it just makes me sad#bc i want to have someone like that to do stuff and be silly with and talk and just hang out and i miss my best friend#bc we don't do that anymore#we've barely seen each other last year and when we do it's always just briefly and we never get to talk about deeper themes#some things i'm desperate to talk to her about and we've always done that but now she never has time for me#it feels like I've been replaced by her gf and they're doing everything together and i guess that's what you do you abandon your friends#no I'm not bitter or jealous. at least I'm trying not to be#she also has other friends a different group from uni that I've never met and i see she's having fun with them#and i don't have any of that and I really want to have a group of friends i just can't seem to find any#and we also barely even text anymore. sometimes i reach out and then it can take over a day for her to answer and it just feels shitty#ik she has her reasons and she's not doing it bc she doesn't want to talk or doesn't like me lol but it sucks that we can't even text#and i can't help but wonder if she does that to other people or if she's texting her gf right away and ughhhh#she feels so distant but i don't want that. i don't want us to be like that#i only have two real good friends that I've known forever and my other friend also sucks at reaching out and has her bf and friends#who i know but i'm also not really a part of that group. so basically i never see my friends and i feel fucking lonely woohoo nothing new#i want to have friends who reach out and just casually text me and i can tell them about my day and i see them at least once a week#and we can just hang out and have fun and god i sound so pathetic i don't even have that#somehow i missed the call where everyone started having their group of adult friends and a romantic partner and I'm still stuck#everyone just kind of has their own lives and I'm not a part of it#it just hit me again today i literally had a dream i met a bunch of people and we were having fun and it reminded me of how lonely i am lol#*without it being seen wow great typo in the first sentence that i can't change now#anyway i wish there were songs about this particular situation that i could listen to and be emo but i can't find any rip
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Been watching sooooo much say yes to the dress so.....
Steve and Robin are consultants and co-designers at Kleinsfeld. Robin especially loves designing and Steve really loves that moment brides find The Dress because they light up and he helped make that happen and it just makes him smile
Enter Eddie Munson, rockstar and definitely not in a relationship but at Kleinsfeld to find a dress he can wear for an upcoming music video that's a little corpse bride vibes re revenge and murder (dead bride raised by necromancer and given opportunity to get revenge on her killer ex)
Eddie shows up with the guys and Steve/Robin are their consultants (they can't be separated bad things happen like Robin knocking over a rack of dresses bc Steve isn't there to pull her back in time) and when Steve (knows who Eddie is, doesn't care that much, they get celebrities all the time) asks who the bride is neither blink at Eddie raising his hand with a shit eating grin
They just go right into the design/style/budget questions and Eddie is almost disappointed he didn't get to cause more of a scene lmao
Anyway Steve is the one helping in the dressing room and he's getting Eddie into this big dramatic ballgown when Eddie asks why he's a consultant
Steve inadvertently just rambles about helping brides and making them feel the center of attention and cared for and special during their appointments. He also talks about designing affordable but fashionable dresses with Robin since he has experience with high fashion and general design and she knows best about keeping costs down without making things ugly
Obviously Eddie Munson is immediately heart eyes listening to this guy describe all of this while expertly lacing a ballgown corset and getting clips in place so it fits right and before he knows it Steve is leading him to where Robin and the band are waiting
The guys are immediately all giving Looks (derogatory) but can't describe what's wrong until Robin looks at Eddie and asks if he's adverse to negative feedback
Eddie is like "???? No, I guess???"
And is just even more confused when Robin goes, "No. Really, think about it."
So when he says it's fine Robin pushes Steve forward and tells him to let loose. Eddie is surprised cuz Steve is so sweet? How could he possibly be mean? And then Steve just holds nothing back like "the color washes you out, that beading makes your chest look uneven, the ballgown is actually a horrible silhouette on you because you just look uncomfortable having so much dress hanging off you"
And he says it all with this little popped out hip and slightly pursed mouth and raised eyebrow and it's so so bitchy and Eddie is fucking in love okay, he's gone, he needs to make fun of other people with Steve immediately
But also he's a gremlin so he's like "can a guy even look good in a wedding dress tho, like, does it matter?"
And Robin immediately jumps in like "of course it does you plebian especially if you want the music video to be any good"
This leads to Eddie and the guys not believing them so Robin and Steve share A Look and they do love proving people wrong so they're both like "bet" and tell Eddie to wait there
Cue them grabbing a sample dress (click to see what I'm thinking literally this is such a pretty dress holy shit) from their collection, putting Steve in it, and then showing it off
Eddie is dead. Immediately. Steve's arms? His legs? His chest? His confident little smirk as he spins in front of them?? 4 braincells dead and 28 injured in Eddie’s head
Anyway he literally ends up on his knees begging Steve to be in the music video, Steve agrees cuz he thinks Eddie is hot and funny, and CC fans lose their shit over the bride and his dress in the music video, especially when he and Eddie kiss at the end after the revenge murdering
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#platonic stobin#stobin#robin buckley#corroded coffin#rockstar eddie munson#designer steve harrington#say yes to the dress#my writing#the brainworms here are unbelievable#maybe I'll write it one day#idk have to see how long it lingers hfkshfks#bitchy steve harrington my beloved btw#i love that for him
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Pairing : Dad!Bangchan x F!Reader
TW : Chans daughter is not readers child ; Chans ex wife and daughter are shit starters ; drama of course ; angsty ; honestly, poor Chan ; fluffy ending though ; slightly suggestive at the end as well ;
Word Count : 6.5k
Request : Anonny : Please write an angsty / fluffy fic about Dad!chan who, after years of not dating, finally decides to get back into dating & when he finally finds someone he doesn't tell reader he has a teenage daughter because he doesn't know how reader would feel about it but when reader finds out they're really upset and avoid him and his daughter reaches out to reader and convinces reader to talk to Chan and make up because she hates seeing her dad upset.
A/N : This request is so cute and I'm so happy I get to write it. Of course, it will be super drama because I love when it happens, and with Chans recent bbl messages we know this man loves this kind of shit, so... This is for Chan and Chan stans and we love Chan!
“I got a call from your teacher today, Ella.” Chan said as his daughter walked through the front door. “They said your grades haven’t been the best lately, that you haven’t been focusing in class. Is something wrong? Do you have something going on?” He didn’t want to be the kind of father that always got on his child when their grades were below average, but he also didn’t want his daughter to flunk out. He wanted to see her be successful and happy in life, that’s all he ever wanted.
“I’ve just been going through some stuff, dad.” Ella mumbled as she kicked her shoes into the corner near the front door and dropped her bags onto the floor. “Mom said she’s been trying to get in touch with you lately. I guess she saw that you’ve been posting about going out on your facebook.” She pulled out the chair across the table from Chan. “Why don’t I get to meet your new girlfriend?”
Chan rolled his eyes, finally looking up from his phone to look at his daughter. “You’re changing the subject. What I do in my spare time isn’t important. Your grades are. So tell me, what kind of stuff have you been going through that’s been keeping you from being able to focus. Maybe I can help.”
She huffed loudly, the attitude that he was warned would come along with a teenage daughter was in full force now. “It’s not even important anyway… Don’t you have a date to go on tonight? That’s all you ever talk about anymore. It’s like you don’t even care that mom left…” It was finally making sense to him, but it hurt that she felt that way. He had been kind enough to keep his ex wife’s dirty secrets just that, a secret, so that Ellas view of her mother wouldn’t be warped. He was trying to do the right thing, but it was becoming harder and harder.
“I do care that your mother left… I was hurt by it for a long time, El. It’s been 8 years, and I think that it’s time that I’ve finally moved on because she isn’t coming back. Your mother has gotten remarried, divorced, and married again in those 8 years and I haven’t been with anyone until just a few months ago. I don’t think you’re being very fair right now.” He tried to explain, but he could tell, he could just see it in her face that she wasn’t ready to hear about it. “And, just so you know, I don’t have a date to go on tonight. I was planning on being here to help you with your homework and studying so that I don’t get another call like I had today.”
///
“Had a late night in the studio, huh?” You said as you walked up behind Chan, your arms draping over his shoulders as he sat in front of his computer in his office. You could tell he was tired, he could barely sit up straight and his eyes wouldn’t stay open for longer than a few seconds. “It’s okay to take a break, bubs. It’s 3racha, not ChrisRacha.”
He snickered at the little name, finally swiveling his chair around to face you and pulling you down onto his lap. “You sound like everyone else. I don’t like taking breaks, it gives me too much time to think about the time that I’m wasting.” He explained, his voice was groggy and not even laced, but completely filled with exhaustion. “I’ll be fine once I go over your place tonight, we can cuddle up and watch a movie.” He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, his hot breath against your skin sending a wave of goosebumps all over.
“They’re repainting all of the apartments, I can’t even go into my own house right now. I’ve been staying with my parents.” You reminded him, although you were sure you had texted him about it and told him about it in the days leading up to the renovation. “We can go over to your place. We’ve been dating for 4 months now and you haven’t even invited me over.”
There was a reason for that, a reason that you didn’t know of, but he felt it was just better if you didn’t find out. The last thing he wanted was for you to run off because he had a daughter, not just any daughter though, a teenage daughter who was still hung up on the divorce of her parents. She wasn’t the easiest to get along with, and although Chan had tried to butter her up to the prospect of one day meeting you, she didn’t take too kindly to the fact that he was dating again. “My place is a mess…” He lied, trying to muffle his words in the fabric of your shirt so you wouldn’t pick up on it. “We can go to a hotel if you’d like.”
“That seems sleezy…” You mumbled, and he felt awful, he truly did. It felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He absolutely loves his daughter with every ounce of his heart, his entire being, he loved being her father. He loved you too though, you had been the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel. He didn’t want to have to choose between the two of you, it just didn’t seem fair. “I guess we’ll just wait for my apartment to be ready…” He could feel you trying to pull away, he could tell that you were upset, he didn’t want you to leave like that, so he tightened his arms around you, holding you close to him.
“You’re not sleezy! I’m sorry I even recommended that, you’re better than that.” He quickly tried to get himself out of the hole that he had dug, it felt like he was clawing his way to the top, and everytime he got halfway out, he’d slip and he’d fall right back to the bottom. “I’ll clean my place, I just want it to be perfect for when you come over. Okay? You deserve the best.”
The tension slowly left your body, he felt you soften up against him, and for a moment, it felt like he could breathe again. “Okay… Fine. I’ll wait… I just really miss sleeping next to you.” You whispered, and those words made his stomach feel warm and fuzzy. He missed sleeping next to you too. “I have to get back to work though… I’ll see you later. Try taking a break though, take a nap or something, that’s what the couch is for.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek before getting up, his arms reluctantly loosening around you until you were free to go. “Seriously, get some sleep.”
///
“Where are you going?” Ella asked from the couch, watching Chan storm to the front door and yank his coat off the hook. “Did you and your girlfriend get into a little fight? Do you have to go kiss and make up now?” The mocking tone in her voice would usually only slightly irritate him, but he was already beyond irritated at the reason he had to leave in the first place.
“No, it’s your damn mother.” He snapped, pulling his shoes on before grabbing his keys. “I don’t know how long she’ll hold me up, there’s food in the freezer, or you can grab my wallet out of my bag and order yourself something. Try to do some studying while I’m gone, please?” And without another word he was out the front door, slamming it behind him.
What Chan didn’t know was that he had left his wallet at work on his studio desk, and you had gone into his studio before leaving to see if he was there but only found his wallet. He must have left the building without saying anything to you, and you wondered if maybe he was sick or something had happened back at his place. You were doing the right thing, at least that’s what you felt you were doing. You were just going to take his wallet home to him and check up on him. You didn’t mind that his house might be a little dirty, you completely understood that he was busy, you didn’t expect his house to be immaculate.
You weren’t sure why you were so nervous to stand in front of his front door, but a chill ran through your body and you had to take a few breaths before even lifting your hand to knock. Once you did, you took a step back, listening to the locks being undone before the door opened. It wasn’t who you expected to see, it wasn’t Chan, it was a girl, she looked younger, at least 15 or 16. “Oh, I’m sorry. I must have read the address wrong.” You quickly apologized, bowing your head to the girl before turning away.
“Who are you looking for?” The girl asked, and what you weren’t aware of was that she had seen Chans wallet in your hand, she knew that you had come to the right address, she was just playing a game that you didn’t know about. You quickly said his name, and she let out a soft hum. “He’s out right now. It’s date night for him and my mom.” You felt your stomach sink, deeper and deeper until it couldn’t go any further. “Is that his wallet? Thank you so much for bringing it, I’m sure he’ll be happy to know that you brought it back. Hopefully he’ll answer his phone so he can pick it up and pay the bill, you know?”
You nodded slowly, the bile from your stomach rising into your throat. “Y-Yeah… Of course… H-Here you go.” You stammered, your hand shaking as you handed the wallet over to the girl. You knew she wasn’t lying, she looked so much like Chan it was uncanny. Why hadn’t he told you? What was he even doing with you? He had a wife, or at least a girlfriend or fiancee… He had a child… But he was going around with you? It was beginning to add up though… Why he always wanted to go over your house. Why he’d rather go to a hotel than to bring you to his own place. You felt absolutely sick.
“Have a good night!” The girl chimed cheerfully as you made your way back to your car, the light from inside the house that had illuminated the front yard faded until you were covered in darkness. You were devastated, you were heartbroken… You had never felt more humiliated in your life and all you wanted to do was go crawl underneath a rock and hide there.
///
The meeting with his ex wife the night before had stressed Chan out beyond belief. He couldn’t believe that after 8 years she wanted to fight for custody of Ella now. Her reasoning behind it would have been laughable if they hadn’t been so damn ridiculous. By the time he had gotten home though, Ella was already in bed and he was so tired from dealing with his ex that he had gone right to bed as well. By morning, Ella had already left for school, so he’d have to wait until he got off work and she got home from school to even talk to her about what her mother had said.
Now, he was only looking forward to seeing you. You were the only person at this point who could calm him down and bring him some semblance of peace, at least for the short amount of time that he got to be with you. “Hey, lovely.” He called to you when he caught you walking down the hall. Usually you’d smile and wave, you’d even run over to him sometimes if the hall was empty. This time you just shook your head before lowering it and walking right by him.
It was a shock to say the least, and his mind immediately jumped to the worst, although he couldn’t be 100% sure of what had happened that would cause you to be acting like this. Was it because of the hotel comment the day before? Was it because he wouldn’t let you come over to his house? It couldn’t be that though, he had talked to you about it. It had to be something more, but he couldn’t figure it out. You looked absolutely pissed, like you didn’t want anything to do with him.
“Y/N!” He called out your name now, jogging down the hall to catch up with you, but you didn’t even look up at him, and you sure as hell didn’t slow down. In fact, it seemed like you sped up, like you were trying to get away from him. “Hey… What… What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?” He lowered his voice but quickened his steps to keep up with you, trying to duck down just enough to get a view of your face, but every time he got close enough you’d look away.
“I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you. Whatever it was that you made me think we had, it’s over. I’d like it if you left me alone now.” You stated flatly, your arms tightening around the multitude of folders that you clutched to your chest. “I’m changing groups, I won’t be one of your staff anymore as well, so please, don’t bother me anymore.”
Something had happened, and it wasn’t something that could easily be fixed like Chan thought. It was worse, way worse. You had basically fired yourself from being his group's staff because of whatever happened. “Hold on!” His fingers wrapped around your upper arm, stopping you from going any further. “So you’re just… Breaking up with me? You’re not even going to tell me why!?” His voice cracked as it rose in pitch, his chest rising and falling heavily as the panic fully set in. “I fucking love you, Y/N… You can’t just do this to me and not tell me why.”
When you finally looked up, he could see your eyes were glistening, your bottom lashes bedazzled with twinkling tears that clung onto them. You were just as upset as he was. “Stop pretending, Christopher!” You croaked out, sniffling loudly once the words left your chapped lips. “I refuse to be the rebound chick that you think you can run to when your marriage is on the rocks. I won’t be strung along by you, not anymore.” You took a few deep, shaky breaths to compose yourself before you pulled your arm free of Chans hold. “Now, if you don’t mind… I have another group to meet. I have work to do. I do believe that you have some work to do as well.” You bowed your head to him before turning and walking away, leaving him more confused than he was before.
His marriage… It had fallen apart years ago when he had come home to find his wife in bed with another man while his daughter was fast asleep in the room across the hall. It had been disgusting, heartbreaking, it would have been his downfall if not for his daughter and the moral, mental, and emotional support of the guys. He wasn’t sure why it was being brought up, he didn’t even know how you had found out, but that same feeling of devastation that he had felt 8 years ago was flooding him once again.
The guys… They were the only ones who would be able to talk to you, they were the only ones who knew about the secret past that Chan was trying so hard to hide from you. Would they do something like that though? Would they hurt him like that? “Yo! What’s up?” Changbin said as he came up behind Chan, his arm draping over his shoulder. “You’re… crying? What happened?” The cheerful tone was immediately dropped, and even though Changbin was younger, he was in full protection mode.
“Y/N… She… She broke up with me…. She knows about Sana…” He gasped out the words, each of them getting caught in his throat, it felt like he was choking. “Somebody told her… Someone… They had to have told her! Who!?” He was shouting now, his sadness turning to anger in a matter of seconds. The look of confusion of Changbins face was enough for Chan to know that he had no idea what Chan was talking about, and that in itself proved his innocence. That left 6 more guys to question.
“Y-You know that none of us would do that to you… Why would we do that? You were happy!” Changbin quickly defended the others as well, seeing in Chans eyes that he was on the warpath and he wasn’t going to stop until he found out who had told you. “I… I do know she went to the studio last night after you left… She… She said something about your wallet but… Maybe she went to your house to drop it off and… and…-”
“Ella…” Chan muttered out the name, a loud groan leaving him as his head fell back. “I have to go… Will you be okay? Can you run practice for me?” Now he was in a hurry, a hurry to get home, to talk to you… He had so many things he had to do, he didn’t even know where to begin. Changbin nodded his head, patting Chans shoulder before taking a step back. Truthfully, Chan didn’t know what the hell he was going to do… But he knew he had to do something. He wasn’t going to lose you… He couldn’t.
///
“Sit. Now.” Chan said, not even giving his daughter time to fully come through the door before the words left his mouth. He had been sitting at the table, thinking over and over about how he’d go about bringing it up to her, but now that she was finally home, all of his thoughts had gone out the window and all he could feel was irritation. She rolled her eyes, dropping off her bag and kicking her shoes off like she did every day, heading in the direction of her bedroom. “Did you not hear me? I want to talk to you.”
“About what?” She snapped, whipping around to face him. “About the lady that showed up on our front porch last night?” Chans eyes widened, he didn’t even have to drag it out of her, she wasn’t a liar… and for that, he was proud, he had at least taught her one good thing. “Did she dump you? Well good… You don’t deserve to be happy. Not after what you did to mom…” After… what he did…? He was stunned into silence, his head cocked to the side as he tried to think about what he could have possibly done to make him the bad guy in all of this. “She told me all about it, don’t try to act like you’re so innocent.”
Those weren’t Ellas words, those were her mothers words and she was speaking them for her. “I tried so hard to protect your mother for some reason… So that you wouldn’t think badly of her… And this is what she does.” He mumbled, running his hand through his hair and sighing heavily. “Can you please sit? I really need to talk to you…” He stretched his legs under the table, pushing out the chair across from him and motioning to it with his head. He could see the reluctance, but she finally made her way over, dropping down into the chair, but not without an eye roll and a look of disgust. “I didn’t want to tell you the truth… I didn’t want you to see your mother as anything less than what she is… But I wasn’t the one who did anything. Your mother is the reason we’re divorced…”
“You’re a liar… She said that you’d lie…” Ella mumbled, her arms crossing over her chest as she glared at her father. “Just like you lied to that lady. She didn’t even know I existed! You kept me a secret from her… Why? Are you embarrassed of me? Are you ashamed of me?” The sulky teenage attitude subsided, and he could see that she wasn’t just angry, she was upset. He never meant for it to be like this, he didn’t even think that something like this would happen. It’s not like he planned on keeping his daughter hidden forever… He just didn’t want to spring it all on you at the beginning of the relationship.
“No! God, no… El… You are an amazing daughter, you’re smart and you’re funny… You’re the most wonderful thing I’ve ever created. I’m so proud of you…” He whispered, and he could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. He should have told her these things a long time ago, maybe she wouldn’t be acting out, but it was too late, and now all he could do was try to fix things piece by piece. “I didn’t want to bring someone into your life unless I knew that it was serious… It’s one thing for me to be hurt… But I didn’t want you to potentially get close to her just for her to leave and hurt you too.” He swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath to prepare himself before continuing. “I divorced your mother… Because she cheated on me, Ella. Do you really think I would have gotten custody of you if it were the other way around? The man she married… That’s… That’s the guy… And they’re already divorced… And she’s already married again. She’s been married twice since the divorce, and I… I haven’t been with anyone until a couple months ago. Do you think that would be the case if I was the one who had screwed up?” He could see the gears turning in her mind as she thought about everything that he was saying, and he could see that it was all adding up. “Your mother wanted to meet up with me yesterday because she’s trying to get custody of you…”
Ellas eyes widened and her head shook fast. “No… I don’t… I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to live with her, dad.” The words were rushed out, full fledged panic written across her features. “Don’t let her take me… I want to stay with you… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I told the lady that you were having date night with mom. I’m sorry that I ruined it… I’m sorry… Please don’t let her take me.” She was crying now, absolutely bawling, and it broke his heart to see his daughter so upset.
He jumped out of his chair, running around to her side of the table and pulling her up into his arms. Right now, she wasn’t just a teenager with a bit of an attitude problem… She was his little girl, and he was going to protect her and he was going to keep her safe. He was going to fix everything, no matter what it took. “She’s not going to get you, she won’t win. You’re staying here with me… I promise.”
///
“Have you gotten a hold of her?” Ella asked, dropping down onto the couch beside her father. It had been weeks since the last time he had spoken to you, but he had seen you in the halls at the building every single day. No matter how many times he tried to stop you and explain everything, you’d just keep walking like you didn’t know him at all. Ella could see that it was breaking him, and she knew that it was her fault. “I’m really sorry, dad…” She mumbled.
Your picture was still his lockscreen, and every time a notification would pop up on his phone he would jump up, a single second of excitement and wishful thinking, only to be let down once he realized it was someone, anyone but you. “It’s okay… I’m gonna try to get some work done. Let me know when you get hungry, I’ll make us some dinner, yeah?” And she nodded slowly, waiting for Chan to get up and go into his little office before running to the front door and pulling on her shoes. If he wasn’t able to fix it, maybe she could.
The walk to the building wasn’t too far, and she knew that, for the most part, whenever her father went into his office it was so he could cry in private. That usually lasted a couple hours, and she was sure that she wouldn’t need too much time.
Everyone in the building knew her, they had heard so much about Chans daughter that she was looked at as an idol herself. They all welcomed her warmly, but she was on a mission. “Hi! Would you happen to know where an Y/L/N Y/N is? My dad sent me to make sure she got something.” She came up with it quickly, and no one seemed to question it either. They gave her the information just as fast and sent her on her way… It was far too easy… She’d have to talk to her dad about that.
The ride up the elevator gave her enough time to think about what she would say, or at least a little bit of what she’d say. Truth be told, she was nervous. She wanted things to go well for her fathers sake, but she knew that the trouble she had caused and what she did could have irreversible damage.
When the doors slid open, it was like fate had brought her here at this exact moment, because you were standing right outside the doors. “Oh… Uhm… I-I remember you…” You murmured, bowing your head to her before taking a step back. “I think you’re on the wrong floor though… Your father is a couple floors down.”
Ella shook her head, stepping out of the elevator, trying to look like she wasn’t a nervous wreck standing in front of you. “I’m here to talk to you.” She said, her head held high just to exemplify the false feeling of confidence that she was trying to give off. “Are you busy?”
“I’m very sorry if me being with your father created any problems. I’m not with him anymore though… And, with all due respect… I’m just trying to move on.”
“That’s the problem though!” Ella blurted out as you moved past her and stepped into the elevator, turning around quickly on her heel to face you, her hand pressed against the elevator door to keep it from closing. “Him and my mother aren’t together… They haven’t been together for 8 years. I… I was upset because… I didn’t understand what happened… I didn’t know why my parents weren’t together and… My mom lied and… And I’m sorry. My dad really loves you… And he wanted me to meet you… And he’s been crying every night because I ruined your relationship because I lied just like my mom and I’m… I’m really sorry, ma’am…”
She was once again crying, and you didn’t really know what to do, but it felt wrong to just stand there and watch her cry, so you hesitantly stepped out of the elevator and gave her the most awkward one armed hug. “It’s… It’s okay…” You murmured, and much to your surprise, she turned her body completely toward you and wrapped her arms around you. Whether there was a maternal bone in your body at all before this moment or not, you immediately felt the urge to comfort her, to make sure she was okay, to wipe her tears and tell her that everything would be fine. “Hey… Hey, let’s go to my office. We can get a drink and some tissues and then… I’ll take you home. Is that okay?”
Ella nodded slowly, her face scrunched up and her bottom lip pushed out. She really did look like her father. “Will you talk to him?” She asked weakly, and as much as you hated him… Now that you knew the truth… It felt like the right thing to do, so you hummed in agreement to her question, leading her down the hall to your little office and pushing the door open for her. “Y-You know… You’re still his main picture on his phone. He’s waiting for you to text him or call him or something… He misses you so much.”
You were sure that she didn’t mean to tell you so much, and you were very sure that Chan would be incredibly embarrassed if he found out that his daughter was telling you so much. “I’ll talk to him, I promise… Pinky promise.” You held out your hand, your pinky extended to her, and she quickly latched her finger around yours, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips.
“You are really pretty… He wasn’t lying… And you’re really nice too. I would be really mad at me if I were you…” She lowered her head, her entire body slouching forward as she sat in the chair across your desk. “Why aren’t you mad at me?” Her voice was below a whisper, her question genuine, and you didn’t really know how to answer it.
“Well…” You began, your fingers drumming against your lap as you leaned back in your chair. “I don’t blame you for what you did… You’re a child and… And your parents divorced. I’m sure that any child would be upset if they found out either of their parents was dating someone else, especially if the kid doesn’t understand why their parents divorced in the first place. You were protected from the truth… But it made you do something that you regret. It’s still not your fault though, it’s no one's fault.” You reached across your desk, your hand faced up for her, and she slowly placed her hand in yours, the smile from earlier returning to her face, but this time it was just a little bigger and it reached her eyes. “Let’s go see your dad, yeah?”
///
Chan had at some point cried himself to sleep while sitting in front of his computer, but the sound of a soft knock on the door had him jolting awake. “Dad?” Ellas voice came between the small crack in the door as she peeked inside, and he quickly wiped the sleep from his eyes as he got up from his chair, almost bringing his entire laptop with him since he forgot to take the headphones off. “I ordered dinner for us… It’s here.” She said between little giggles at the way he stumbled. It was nice to hear her laugh, he hadn’t heard it in a bit, not from anyone in the house. He wondered what had changed.
“You didn’t have to do that, I would have cooked for us…” He said somberly, but he knew that she was doing it as a favor for him. He was a wreck, it was visibly noticeable that he hadn’t had more than a few hours of sleep in the past two weeks, he had bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He was a shell of the man that he once was when he had you, but he knew he had to get better, he wasn’t sure how he would do that, but it wasn’t fair to Ella to constantly be like this, it would only make her feel more guilty. “I’ll be right out… Thank you.” He said when she hovered in the doorway, and he watched her walk away. There was a bounce in her step, she hadn’t been this peppy in a while. He was genuinely curious and now he was rushing out of the little studio room so that he’d be able to sit down and talk to her, maybe he could find out what was going on.
“I hope you don’t mind, I brought a friend over.” She said from the kitchen. He was adamant that he had never heard her bring up a friend, especially not one that would come over and visit. Was it a boy? She never mentioned liking anyone at school… Was she too scared to talk to him about those kinds of things? He made a mental note to sit down and talk to her about it one day this week. “Are you coming?” She called out and he hummed in agreement, trudging out of the little room with his head hung just a little.
This wasn’t the first impression that he wanted one of his daughter's friends to have of him as her father. He wanted to look more respectable for the sake of Ellas reputation. It seemed like he didn’t really have a choice though, she was rushing him to come out, and he didn’t want to keep her and whoever she had over waiting. “I apologize, I wasn’t really told that you’d be coming over.” Chan began as he walked down the hall, and he completely froze when he saw just who his daughter had brought over.
“I don’t think anyone really knew I was coming over.” You said lightly, the warmest smile spreading across your face as you looked at him. He couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t find words, all he could manage to do was open his mouth and croak out sounds as salty tears pricked his eyes. “Is it… okay… that I’m here?” You asked when the silence lasted longer than you thought it would, and he nodded his head fervently, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie.
“It’s… It’s more than okay… I just… I don’t know why… I don’t mind it though.” He rambled, looking between you and Ella who was currently setting the table for three people instead of the usual two. “You’re… staying for dinner?” He questioned, and you gave him that adorable, heart stopping smile that had stopped him in the halls of the building all of those months ago, the smile that had pushed him over the edge and made him fall for you in the beginning.
“Yes she is.” Ella spoke up, clapping her hands together to get both of your attention. “Do you want me to eat in my room… So the two of you can talk? I’m sure you have a lot to talk about… I can leave you alone if you’d like.” But you shook your head, walking over to the table and playfully ruffling her hair before opening the takeout bag and pulling out the contents.
“I’d like it a whole lot if you stayed and ate with us… But if you want to eat in your room… If your dad says it’s okay… Then you can.” You sounded so… sweet, the way a mother would talk to her own daughter, and the craziest part was that Ella smiled at you before taking a seat at the table, she actually listened to you… There was no attitude that came alone with it. “Are you just going to stand there and look at the food, or are you going to join us in eating it?” You asked, bringing Chan out of his own thoughts and back into the room.
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m coming…” Chan whispered, walking into the dining room and taking his usual seat, but the aura at the table was a lot different now. It’s like the whole room had gotten 10 times brighter, and no matter which way he looked he was met with a warm smile. He had so many questions, but he knew that he had all the time in the world to ask them, and regardless of the answer… He knew that things would be better now, all of the pieces were falling back into place, and the picture was more beautiful than he had ever imagined it to be.
~6 Months Later~
“You’re gonna absolutely crush this test, I know you will.” You stood at the stove, preparing breakfast as Ella sat at the table, her face buried in her text book to get as much last minute studying in before she had to go to school. “No matter what, I want you to remember that your dad and I are so proud of you and how hard you work. Okay? We love you.” Ella hummed softly, not even looking up from her book, but you could see that she was smiling, and that was enough of a response for you to know that she had heard you, that she was listening. You carefully placed her plate down beside her, lightly tapping the table to get her attention. “Please eat. Okay?”
Chan ran out of the bedroom, his eyes barely even opened, his shirt wrinkled and twisted and his hair sticking up in all different directions. “Did she leave yet?!” He asked rather loudly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and blinking a few times before focusing in on his daughter who was looking up at him, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “Don’t laugh, it’s not funny. I wanted to give you a hug before you left.” He pouted, and she quickly got up out of her chair, rushing over to Chan and wrapping her arms around him. “You’ll do great. I-”
“No more speeches! You guys are going to make me cry!” Ella dramatically whined, pulling away from Chan and running back to the table to pack her things into her bag and then shoveling as much food into her mouth as she could before going to the front door. “Love you! I’ll see you later!” She mumbled with her mouth full of food, and before the two of you could say it back she was out the door.
Once the door was shut, Chan walked over to you, his arms wrapping around your from behind as he rested his chin against your shoulder. “Hey…” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek that was dampened by tears that you hadn’t even realized had begun to fall. “What’s wrong, lovey?” He cooed, gently turning you around to face him, his head cocked to the side.
“I don’t know… I just… I’ve only been here for six months and… We’ve gotten so close and… She’ll be going off to college soon if that’s what she wants to do… But… I’m gonna miss her and the house is gonna be so empty and…” You pouted up at Chan who couldn’t help but find it adorable the way you were right now. It was the most heartwarming thing, to know that you loved his daughter so much already that you were crying at the thought of her leaving.
“Well… We have the house to ourselves for a couple of hours… We could watch a movie or something to take your mind off of being sad… Or… We could go have some fun… Surprise Ella with a brother or a sister when she comes home from college…” Your eyes widened at the suggestion, but your feet were already moving in the direction of the bedroom, that all too familiar tingly feeling building in your stomach. “We can watch a movie when we’re done… If you’re not too tired.”
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the one where Y/n and Lando used to hookup and then fell out... or did they?
lowkey inspired by the interview where Oscar talks about spending time with his gf and Lando goes "awww" cus it got my brain making up scenarios
yourusername Maybe I was too much but you could've been more and we both know it
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yourfriend1 Situationship survivor 💔
username1 Ah, she's posting half naked pics means they're done
yourfriend2 Girl I didn't cry that much over a 3 years long relationship
↳yourusername I'm not crying lmao
yourfriend2 We need to go on a girls trip
yourfriend1 I second this!!
username2 Lando's loss tbh
username3 Not Carlos nonchalantly in the likes 👀
↳username4 I can't believe he would take Lando's leftovers
username5 You two can chill, Y/n and Carlos have been friends, they're not gonna end it because of a failed situationship
username3 Exactly! Maybe they'll become something more...
username5 Carlos is Lando's best friend, he wouldn't do it to him
username3 I mean it's not like Y/n was his gf or anything, they were just hooking up
username5 Yeah maybe also say it was her fault she caught feelings after he did all the things mentioned on the 2nd pic
username6 How could he not wanna make it official with HER?
↳username4 He's rich and famous, he can have 10 girls like her if he wanted to
username7 It makes me feel better about being in a situationship myself knowing Y/n also went through it
↳yourusername Girl it's a sign to leave him, don't waste your time
username7 It's just for the plot 🤭
yourusername NOT worth it
username8 Stay strong, I promise it gets better and one day you'll find someone who'll truly care about you
↳yourusername Already did ❤️ @/yourfriend1 @/yourfriend2
username9 Well, I guess a relationship was a bit too much for little Lando Norris
landonorris Catching little feelings, thought we had arrangements
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username1 HOW DARE HE????
↳username2 I guess men just have the audacity 🥲
yourfriend1 When you act like you're in a relationship with her so she thinks you wanna be in a relationship with her 🙄
↳username3 That's Y/n's best friend right there 😭
maxfewtrell Drunk Lando is the worst Lando I've ever had to deal with
↳landonorris we both know that's a lie cmon
angryginge13 I forgot how fun it is to go out with you
↳maxfewtrell I swear something got into him lately, like sure he always loved to party but have you seen how drunk he was?
angryginge13 tbh I barely remember that night lol
username4 AHA so Lando is also going through it
username5 as 👏 he 👏 should 👏
username6 What's wrong with men these days? All I see are situationships, fwbs, ons, what happened to feelings? What happened to love?
↳username7 I guess dating apps messed up our perception of relationships
username6 This is sad.
username8 Well, at least Y/n isn't out getting drunk
↳username9 We can't be sure, we know all she wants us to know, her life can be totally different than what she shows on social media
username10 They had arrangements as he said, it's her fault she fell in love
↳yourfriend1 Oh will you all just shut up?
username10 Someone's mad lol
username11 So many people idolizing Lando just because he can drive a fast car in circles but in reality he's just your average brit in his 20s with commitment issues
↳username12 He's still young, he doesn't have to get in a serious relationship if he doesn't want to
username11 But it was wrong of him to lead Y/n on
username12 Just as someone said already - not his fault that she caught feelings. These typa things aren't for everyone. Or maybe she was hoping he'll fall in love or something
username11 Yeah? How is it that men these days want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities?
username12 Did he force her into it? Nope. She could've said no it's not my thing bye. But she didn't. She stayed with him
username11 If you wanna have sex without commitment just pay for it, it's still a thing. You can't have stuff like this for free, at the cost of another person's feelings
A month later
yourusername Kisses to my exes who don't give a shit about me
view all comments
yourfriend1 I'm glad you feel better now ❤️
↳yourusername I feel so much more alive now
username1 They all slaaaaay
yourfriend2 Remind me, why haven't we done this kinda trips before?
↳yourusername Cuz we're stupid 🫶
yourfriend1 We're not stupid, we're sillymates
yourusername Fuck soulmates when you can have sillymates
yourfriend2 Stupid choices were made tho
yourusername Neither of you stopped me lmao
carlossainz55 Wasn't it a little too cold to sit on the balcony like this?
↳yourusername The wine warmed us up!!
carlossainz55 Text me if you're ever curious about other ways to warm yourself up *this comment has been deleted*
carlossainz55 Good to know you're having fun!🍷
username3 Carlos, everyone saw that comment you deleted...
username2 Where's the person who said Carlos wouldn't do that to Lando? WHERE?!
username4 Y/n should post to the song enough for you, particularly this part "cause someday I'll be everything to somebody else"
↳username5 Ngl I feel like most Olivia's songs would fit her situation right now
maxfewtrell That looks familiar...
↳username5 Nah boy, get the hell out of this comment section
username6 Wait, let him speak, maybe he has new information
username7 I need to know what stupid choices is Y/n talking about and what Max means 😭
↳username8 They're feeding us breadcrumbs and they know what they're doing
landonorris ice spice ❄
view all comments
charles_leclerc Ice ice baby 😂❄️
maxfewtrell The gossip pages gonna love this one
↳username1 So that's what Max meant when he said it looked familiar
username2 I'll wait for further explanation 😶
username3 I refuse to believe Y/n went through all the heartbreak just to hook up with him again in Finland
↳username4 Well, she liked this post so...
username3 She got the Stockholm syndrome or what? 😭
username5 At this point she deserves this
username6 @/yourusername I am very disappointed in your actions
↳username3 Bro casually tagging Y/n like she's gonna answer
↳username3 Btw it's not confirmed that they hooked up again
username7 Pls don't break her heart again
username8 I get a little heart attack every time Lando posts
username9 Guys it doesn't make sense, Y/n wouldn't go to Finland with Lando AND with her girls
↳username2 What if they went there separately and just happened to run into each other?
username9 Yeah, because there's no other places to go skiing. Someone had to arrange it or something, it cannot be a coincidence
username2 Look, the universe works in weird ways, do you know the invisible string theory?
username9 Oh no you're one of these people? 🤡
username2 All I'm saying is to me they seem like 'right people, wrong time' and maybe finally the timing is right for them
username7 No no no Y/n deserves way better, Lando is too toxic for her
username2 Do you know him? Maybe he was going thru something and it just wasn't the time for him to be in a relationship
username9 A delusional yapper is what you are
yourusername Back home with a new passion
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yourfriend1 You gotta stop feeding me these 😭
↳yourusername What, you don't like them? 🥹
yourfriend1 I love them, that's the issue!!
username1 And Lando isn't with her
↳username2 Why would he be?
username1 I think everyone thought they're together again after Finland
username2 They were NEVER together
yourfriend2 Can you get your asses out of here?
landonorris Looks delicious (the food too)
↳username3 DON'T GIVE ME HOPE
username4 Don't worry, it's just an average text from a situationship you'd get after weeks of no contact
username5 Usually followed up by "you busy tonight?"
↳username6 Ariana what are you doing here
↳username7 Man saw that comment Carlos deleted and decided to gatekeep
username5 Bet that's not the only thing he did when he saw that
username7 wdym 😭
username5 There's no way they didn't fuck
↳username8 fr a way to mark his territory
↳yourfriend1 She said she blocked you after Finland
landonorris She didn't😁
yourfriend1 I'll make sure she does now
landonorris She won't😌
username7 We need to know what happened in Finland 😭
username1 I wish he would share the secret
username2 Yeah, Oscar, don't be shy, share it with the class
username3 My bet is Y/n let Lando manipulate her again
↳username4 They're both adults like Y/n sweetie just say no it's that easy
username5 I'm gonna manifest Y/n and Lando announcing a relationship soon 🕯
username6 I mean have y'all seen Lando? I'm NOT surprised Y/n keeps coming back even if he's doing just the bare minimum
↳username7 He's average. The fact that he's famous and has money makes him more attractive
username6 Do you think he pays Y/n for... you know?
username7 🤷♀️
username8 Words cannot express how much this man gets on my nerves
↳username9 Same like man stop being blind and see that Y/n is gf material, not some hookup to be used and left
username10 I wish Oscar would've spoken😭
username11 Get your shit together Lando
↳username12 Well maybe Y/n doesn't mind
username11 It didn't seem like it
username12 People change 🤷♀️
username11 I wish Lando would've been the one to change 🙏
username13 Lando has NO RIGHT to speak on other people's relationships being a walking definition of commitment issues himself
↳username14 chill yo tits, I think he truly thought what Oscar said was cute
yourusername We turned out to like each other way more than we originally planned
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yourfriend1 I'm tired of you both already
maxfewtrell It's gonna be one of those "they still together?" kinda relationships
↳yourusername We plan on being an insufferable pain in the ass together just for you 🫶
maxfewtrell I see Lando is already changing you for the worse
landonorris the process began way earlier
maxfewtrell But you didn't have the balls to commit
↳yourfriend2 She deserves so much better
yourfriend1 Yeah @/yourusername deserves so much better, I wish she would've read the comments
carlossainz55 Congrats, you finally tamed him👏
yourusername I hate you both ❤️
↳landonorris wow, I love supportive friends
yourfriend2 Who said we're your friends?
yourfriend1 We have to tolerate your ass but it doesn't mean we're suddenly friends
↳landonorris You've been waiting to see this happen
carlossainz55 Of course, I've been telling you to get a girlfriend for so long now
↳username1 ekhm...
↳username2 We will never forget
username3 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LIVE MY DREAM?
username4 Miss girl needs to share her manifestation techniques with us
oscarpiastri Don't have to thank me
↳landonorris Yup, you did nothing
↳yourusername Thank you Oscahhh
username5 I MANIFESTED IT 🕯
yourusername For our 6 months anniversary we forced our friends to go camping with us 🏕
view all comments
yourfriend1 It wasn't as bad as I thought
↳angryginge13 Worse?
yourfriend1 Oh definitely
landonorris I'm really surprised they got along
↳maxfewtrell What other choice we had?
↳yourfriend2 Anything for Y/n tbh
↳yourfriend1 Still doesn't mean we don't hate you
yourfriend2 Yeah, good friends will always say 'but she deserves better' (she really does)
maxfewtrell I didn't expect you to last that long
↳yourusername Excuse me? 🤨
maxfewtrell You know, it's Lando
yourusername I guess you're right lmao
landonorris Now what is that supposed to mean?
yourusername Nothing, don't be mad❤️
↳landonorris That's what she said
yourusername NO IT'S NOT WTF 😭
oscarpiastri What if I tag along the next time?
↳yourusername I'd be happy 🫶 if you bring Lily as well it would be perfect
username1 WAR IS OVER
username2 I love how winter break is always pure chaos and summer break is just fun and chill
danielricciardo When can I join you though?
↳landonorris I promise next time I visit you in Australia it'll be with Y/n
yourusername You didn't even ask me...
landonorris Well, do you wanna go?
yourusername DUH
↳username3 No cuz these pics have strong Danny Ricc energy, I'm surprised he wasn't there
username4 The friend groups were forced to unite, I'm afraid they're together for life (I'm manifesting🤞)
↳username5 I hope they are, I feel like Lando really matured with Y/n by his side
username4 He went from "I don't wanna mature, I'm happy where I am" to this 😭
username6 I wish all situationships would turn out like this
↳username7 World would be a better place
username8 Right people right time❤️
#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#F1 smau#formula 1 smau#formula 1 social media au#f1 social media au#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris smau#lando norris social media au
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eddie knows his crush on steve harrington is a hopeless cause, okay?
he's somehow been friends with steve long enough to know what he looks like when he's flirting, what he looks like when he has a crush, when his sights are set on someone very non-eddie munson shaped. he also now knows how to hide his jealousy in a fake smirk that he flashes steve's way when yet another pretty girl walks their way with her sights set on him and a smirk of her own.
eddie always watches as steve reaches out a hand just so to gently brush it against a lovely lady's arm with that charming fucking smile and sees how that lovely lady will always melt at the touch. and who could blame her? certainly not eddie, the same eddie who's had his own sights set on steve harrington for what feels like a life time. if anyone knows how painfully a heart can beat when it sees him from across the room and imagines a date and a future and a life with steve, it would be eddie.
but that's where it ends. steve harrington, the ladies man that he is, always stops things there with a smile and a wave thrown in the woman's direction as she walks away. it throws eddie for a loop every time. he would watch the two flirt for minutes that that felt like torturous hours for him only for it to end with a disappointed look on her face and steve turning his attention back to eddie like nothing had happened.
it makes no sense.
"i don't get it, man," he says one day as steve lets yet another girl walk away down to the opposite end of the grocery store aisle they're in. steve's turned back to staring at the shopping list in his hand and is muttering to himself instead of watching her walk away like eddie is, disbelief coloring his face.
"don't get what?" steve asks back, not bothering to look up until the silence goes on for too long. his eyes land on eddie's and he frowns slightly, shaking his head slowly. "... did i miss something?"
eddie reels back, eyebrows furrowing together and motions his arms every which way, from the girl's retreating form to the empty space around them.
"steve, you're just going to let her walk away and not get her number? she was obviously hitting on you, dude."
he watches as steve's face crinkles slightly before smoothing out and shrugs his shoulders, turning back to grab the cat food eddie feeds to the strays off the shelf. he lurches forward and places his hands on steve's shoulders to face him, watching as his eyes go wide.
"what do you want me to say?" steve shrugs again and eddie can feel the movement under his hands. "i guess i wasn't feeling it."
eddie sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face before returning it back to steve's shoulder. "wasn't feeling it... steve, i'm gay, not blind. you two obviously were hitting it off with your fucking charming lines and flirty eyes. you always do this and it makes zero fucking sense-"
"-you're gay?"
steve says a bit too loud for eddie's liking even if they are currently hidden in the pet food aisle. heat floods his cheeks and he throws a hand cover steve's mouth while shushing him to keep him from saying it again. he sees steve's eyes go even wider and feels warmth spreading under his fingers.
is steve...
"you knew this!" eddie accuses in a whisper and tries to breathe evenly while steve's gaze travels all over his face. "we talked about it with robin that one time!"
... is he blushing?
there's a sudden pressure at his side and he looks down to see steve's fingers curling over his waist. eddie takes in a stuttering breath and brings his own wide eyes up to meet steve's. it's like looking in a fun house mirror, seeing his flush creeping up steve's neck and watching steve blink in time with him. he can feel when steve tries to say something, his lips ghosting over his palm and eddie pulls back like he's been burned, but steve's hand stays right where it is on his side.
"i absolutely would have remembered if you told me that before," he says and his voice is a little breathless. "there's no way i was there when you guys talked about it."
eddie thinks back to the party when he and robin were huddled up on their couch together. argyle and nancy were dancing in their socks on the living room floor, bouncing around to some experimental track that had been badly recorded on a cassette. jonathan was sitting at the coffee table snapping photos of them, joint hanging from his lips and easy smile spreading on his face.
eddie's trying to pinpoint where steve is in this memory and that's usually the easiest thing for him to remember, but he can't...
until suddenly he can, because steve walked in through the sliding door with his shirt over his shoulder and his swim trunks low on his hips and water dripping down his chest and a cigarette behind his ear and the sunset bleeding in through the windows was painting him golden and he was walking over to dance with nancy with a wide grin pulling at his cheeks and-
"god, i'm gay," eddie had breathed out. robin followed his line of sight and nodded because she gets it like she has a steve problem of her own and that was that.
eddie focuses back in on steve while they stand in the fucking pet food aisle, focuses on the shrill jingle pouring out of the grocery store speakers and not on the way he can hear his heartbeat in his ears, focuses on the way steve can look good even in harsh fluorescent lights.
"well, now you know," is all he can breath out.
steve smiles, all white teeth and crinkled eyes, and his fingers curl even tighter around eddie's waist as he takes a half step even further into his personal space.
"you're why," steve says back easily and eddie reminds himself to breathe as the other side of his waist suddenly has a hand covering it, too. "i don't take their numbers, i don't give them mine, i don't go on the stupid dates they ask me out on because..."
the fingers dance up his side and eddie can't breathe.
"... they're not you, so why would i?"
eddie sends up a silent thank you to whoever is listening that they're hidden away from prying eyes in the pet food aisle so he can lean it and learn for the first time what steve's smile tastes like.
#under a read more solely for length one day i'll learn how to write short things#me everyday: oh this would be fun to write about! maybe 2 paragraphs or so!#and then this happens#steddie#steddie headcanon#my writing#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie drabble#steddie ficlet
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hiyaa girlyy!! so i have a fic request and it's totally fine if you don't want to write / don't feel comfortable reading or doing it: and also, i'm not sure if someone thought of this yet, but how about spencer just being friends with a stripper. like their are murders ongoing abt strippers and spencer sees reader at one of the crime scènes and everybody's shocked since their sooo sweet and comfortable together? (and bonus point if she wears his jacket or something since it's cold)
thank you for your request! if you have more requests for this pairing please send them my way!
"I tried to call you!"
Hotch looks up from his phone at the shout. He'd been texting Jessica one handed in an attempt to tell her and Jack that he won't be home tonight, and he isn't usually easily startled, but he isn't expecting you to talk to him. Or call him.
He blinks back his fatigue —you're obviously not talking to him. You're almost nondescript in your hoodie, but Hotch isn't confident you're wearing any pants, or underwear. It was a rush job to bring everyone out from the club, and you and the rest of the dancers stand on the sidewalk in various states of undress.
"Can we get some jackets, please?" Hotch asks, turning back to the beat cops standing by. "Thermal blankets? Anything?"
When he turns back, Spencer's not where he was. Hotch casts his gaze back to you near the club doors, your hair messed up from the scuffle but your face intricate and untouched, just as pretty as the rest of your fellow dancers, and doubly so as you throw your arms around Spencer Reid's tall shoulders.
"I'm so glad you're okay," Spencer says, squeezing you hard, your heels lifting off of the rain-sullied sidewalk. "I told you to stay home!"
"I can't stay home, Spencer. How would I make money?"
"I'll pay for the hours you miss, I told you that, too."
"Baby, you couldn't afford it," you tease lightly, setting back down. Your hand immediately rises to Spencer's cheek, your painted nails scratching delicately at his skin. "I've missed you. Where have you been?"
"California, then Albuquerque."
"Killing bad guys?"
Hotch doesn't consider Spencer a lonely guy, and he doesn't think he'd ever be collected enough to enter a strip club, and yet. There he is, hugging and checking over a stripper with as much care and tenderness as he'd show any member of the team. And judging by your smile, you're enamoured with him. Whether romantically or otherwise is anyone's guess.
Morgan's, apparently. "Sorry, I'm sorry, does Reid have a girlfriend? Like, a…?"
"You can say stripper," Emily says, though she's similarly nonplussed. "I mean, there's no way. Right?"
"They're just friends," JJ says.
The team turns to her in betrayal. Clearly, JJ knew about this and said nothing, and Hotch has things to do but this is so thoroughly bizarre that he gives himself five minutes of curiosity; he lets the others berate her for answers.
"Come on, JJ! When did this happen? How did this happen?" Emily asks, her voice dropping to a scandalised whisper.
In the background, Spencer peels out of his jacket that barely fits around your shoulders. You wear it anyhow, wrapping your arm through his and leaning on his shoulder. "Thanks, Dr. Reid."
"I really wish you'd stay home when I tell you too." He rubs your arm amicably.
"Her old boss was a typical heavy-handed sleaze," JJ explains, voice soft with sympathy. "Spence said he used to see her at the grocery store with bruises. She stayed with him for a few days and found a new club… He said she can smile through anything, even a broken wrist."
Hotch understands. This part of Virginia pretends to be better than it is, and while you seem happy enough now in your profession, he knows it can't be easy. Spencer did for you what he would've done for anyone. You've clearly seen the good in him, treating him with a real and easy affection, adoring through shivers as you look up at him and ask, "Are you eating enough? You look tired."
"I'm exhausted worrying about you. You're exhausting. Like, where are the sweatpants I got you? You'll get hypothermia."
"I was trying not to get murdered. You're lucky I grabbed the hoodie." You turn to the team, as though you've known they were watching the entire time. "You wanna introduce me to your friends?" you ask. Hotch detects a hint of insecurity under all your bubbly sweetness.
Spencer laughs loudly, ushering you forward with a hand on your shoulder. "Don't chicken out this time."
"Don't embarrass me in front of the special agents!" you whisper.
"I'm a special agent."
"No, you're a doctor. He's a special agent." Your gaze narrows in on Hotch. "Hi, you're the boss, huh?" You eye his naked marriage finger briefly, and he knows you're kidding, but he still has to fight to stay expressionless as you continue, "How come handsome guys like you don't ever wanna see me dance?"
Hotch puts out his hand. "Aaron Hotchner. It's nice to meet you."
You shake his hand, though you stay as close to Spencer as you can manage without stepping on his shoes. "Right. Too respectful. It's really nice to meet you too, Agent Hotchner. Can you catch the bad guy soon? I'll end up on Spencer's cough again if I don't make rent."
Morgan opens his mouth and Hotch promptly shuts him down with a raised hand. "We will. You have my word."
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader
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