A hear me out, unironic bop!

I'm rewatching the series of unfortunate events show, and I remembered this song from my childhood, so I had to go look it up, and yes it's still a bop!

I apologize in advance, but the brainworms did a heckin screech and I felt the need to share the chaos.

Imagine, if you will, that our Creator let's it slip that they've interacted with other worlds before reaching Teyvat. (Played other video games) Imagine having to explain that in these other worlds, they may or may not have been interested in the denizens of those realms...sometimes in the romantic sense, which led to wedding bells and/or children.

Cue the uproar from the Genshin cast. The Creator, Blessed Maker of All...you have courted others? Have been married?? You have had children??? Their image of you being pure and untouchable, blown apart into tiny little pieces of confetti. 🎉

Though many loathe to admit it, they are curious...who are these people, what are they like? Is there a common factor in your selection of spouses? You would only pick the very best of a realm to choose as a potential partner, surely another being of creation...or perhaps a demigod?

It leads to the proverbial red string board getting made, the Archons trying to find out who is your most likely pick from their regions. It's all for your safety, your Benevolence! If you insist on having a partner, they must find the perfect match for you! You deserve only the best of the best, after all.

Bonus points if the Creator was a fan of games like the Harvest Moon/Rune Factory series. They're gonna need to make a list of all their partners, there are so many options to choose from. >>_>>

I'll admit I never played any of those games so I skimmed through the harvest moon wiki and chose one of the bachelors and chose some other game characters lol. Plus a game for all of you, guess the characters.

Though I do think that the reader having children before causes a bit of whiplash because it's totally unexpected, mostly because there were no records of you taking spouses or kids, even knowing you ‘have’ (play) other worlds is a surprise that causes a bit of a crisis. Either way here are some head cannons.

“I must admit, your grace is awfully attached to Qiqi” Zhongli hums as he blows on his white tea, a small cloud of steam leaving.

Qiqi doesn't pay him much mind, her head coddled under your chin like a little puppy, between her hands there is a small bird plushie “Well, I must admit she does kind of remind me of one of my little ones” Your hand softly pats her head, a few strands of hair moving as you do.

He stills as you spoke, eyes fixated on his cup “your… little ones?”

“Mhm?” Without looking up from the braid you were giving to the little girl you just nod “yep, she is quite soft spoken like Milenoe”

“... I wasn't aware your grace had sired children” there was never any mentions about holy spawns or spouses taken by you in any manuscript he got his hands on.

“Well, I never chose a couple from this world, so there wouldn't be any descendants” the comment slips airly from your lips as Qiqi slides off your lap towards baizhu who had finished checking the books from your bookshelf. “Do you want to see her? She started elementary school a few weeks ago” without waiting for an answer a screen appears displaying a tall man with black hair and horns standing regally behind you and a child with emerald eyes and horns.

“She looks rather shy”

You hum nodding “she is as shy as her father when he was her age. There aren't many children her age she can play with so she was pretty lonely her first 50 years”

“50 years?”

“her dad is a slow maturing species” so it should be 10 times the life expectancy than humans. Not that long for him but certainly longer than usual.

•°•°•

“It's a wonder to see how you manage to get Klee to change her mind about going fish blasting,” albedo scribbles some data half mindedly as he watches you hover next to Klee, who showed you a new drawings every few minutes “she is so stubborn even with Alice”

“Well I do have experience with headstrong children, Pardine is as focused on her goal as her father” one of your hands fall on her blonde hair, bright but still darker than Pardine’s almost champagne blonde and her red eyes polar opposite to her icy ones, a carbon copy to her dad. Even if your genetics rarely showed up on any of your kids it was uncanny how similar she looked to her dad and aunts “but I will admit she does annoy many guards asking to train her”

Albedo just laughs it off, listing the few loose characteristics of one of her spouses. Venti has been annoying him about his nation almost getting no information so he hopes a few spare tidbits and Klee’s rough drawing of a blond blue eyed man with a big shield works for whatever weird thing the archons have going on.

•°•°•

“Your Grace has married before?!” Ayaka gasps as you take a stroll around the nature surrounding her home. Her hand had swiftly unfolded her fan in front of her face.

“Mhm, I don't know why people get so surprised, after all it would be weirder if I spent so much time somewhere but took no lovers” you laugh at her slightly seeing her slightly flustered “it's almost a tradition at this point, to wed someone from each world. Want to see some family portraits?” She nods fervently looking at the tablet like thing that appeared on your hands, first a white haired cowboy like man is kneeling on the ground holding a baby by the armpits surrounded by three wolves ,seemingly playing with an older child, by the time the next imagine passes Ayaka is almost hanging by your shoulder, asking things about the siblings and begging to see more photos of your babies.

“And who did you take from teyvat?” Ayaka looks up sweetly at you, she has always held you in high regard and now that you are in Inazuma she can't help but get giddy thinking about how you decided to spend the stay in her state and most of your time with her.

Feigning surprise you tap your chin with your index finger “now that I think about it I didn't choose anyone yet... maybe it's about time”

“Then that means you could pick my brother!” She wraps her hand around your own, smiling as if she got the best idea ever “I could even call you older sibling!... If you wanted so of course”

“Big brother you remember how you told me you would find me a proper bachelor”

“If this is about wanting me to rush it won't work”

“It's not about it, I found you someone”

“Fine, as you please, need I remind you my standards are quite high”

“It's their grace!... Why are you choking on your tea!?”

•°•°•

“There isn't one damned coincidence…” Raiden slaps her head against the table with the rough drawings and some information about them “a king, a captain, a cowboy, a damned sorcerer…”

“Maybe there isn't supposed to be a coincidence” Nahida guesses “maybe they just look for someone who catches their eye”

“It doesn't help out as much as you think it does” the tsaritsa crosses her legs and leans against the back of the chair “if we are doing people with very clear characteristics maybe Ajax could fit nicely? Redheads aren't very common”

“Mhm, maybe but don't they have a liking for smart men? Then Alhaitham would be closer to their past couples”

“Well if we are going by that logic they should like the geo archon, as one of them has dragonic features” the tsaritsa side eyes Zhongli from the other side of the table.

Sighing deeply Furina, who came in place of Neuvillette, chimes in “It is their decision who they want to marry and even if they wanted to!”

"obviously you would be so calm, after all they are very close with your iudex. Don't get so cocky, I heard the commissioner Ayato is interested in the idea"

Will I ever know what it feels to hold you close?

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender :Fluff fluff fluff

Warnings:I don't think so

Summary:You and Mel meet on a dating app, but due to a bug in the app, you match even though you live many miles apart.

Author's note: Special fic for @neverfindmegone ♥️ for her birthday!

I hope you like this, I wanted to make it the most special possible for you to make you feel as special as you made me feel last week for my birthday, but it was a little bit hard to capture your soul and heart in just a fic, thank you for everything you do for me. Happy birthday sweetheart and enjoy. Cherry!

You were staring at the giant mirror against the wall, your foot was tapping on the floor, your stomach felt like it wanted to come out of your mouth, you've never looked so beautiful and felt so nervous and decomposed at the same time. Your cell phone that was on the dresser rang warning that you had a notification, with trembling hands you took it and smiled when you saw who sent the message

-♠️ MyMissPoker ♥️: "Hello my love, I'm dying to see you, I miss you so much... I hope in a day like this you can feel how much I love you even when I'm not there"-Melissa had sent you a message that immediately calmed your nerves and you couldn't help but remember with happiness how you came to know each other years ago, through a first message like this...

You remembered how you got to talk to each other 5 years ago

You were having lunch at work when your cell phone vibrated with a notification, confused you grabbed your cell phone while the others were talking to each other.

"Miss Poker has sent you a message" the notification said

-MissPoker: "Hello, I love the pictures you have posted, you have talent, and those little poems were pure perfection"-The message read and you frowned. Not long ago, you had downloaded a dating app as your friends had insisted because it had been a while since you had dated anyone. You agreed to do it, but if they let you choose which app it would be. In the end you signed up for one that was very anonymous, the only thing you entered was some personal interests and some photos of things you liked next to a alias, you didn't enter your real name or photos of yourself, and the app showed you people with the same interest that were close by.

The truth is that you had signed up for that one because you thought that no one would talk to you with the photos you had posted, that's why you had been so surprised to receive a notification on your cell phone. It was true that you had uploaded some pictures of the things you painted in your spare time, but you never thought that anyone would like it.

You carefully opened the profile of the person who had spoken to you, in her photos you could see a dog, a photo of some books, another of a baseball field, some cooking pictures, a dance hall and some pictures of the moon.

Curious, you decided to open the messages and answer her

-Littlechef(you):"Thank you...nice pictures too, I'm guessing you like cooking?" - You asked softly laughing about the silly interaction

-MissPoker:"Yes, I looove cooking. You too? Or you have that name in honor or ratatouille?" - The woman answered and you laughed looking at your phone

-Littlechef:"I'm a chef actually..."-You replied a little nervously, not knowing why

-MissPoker:"Isn't the funny thing about this app the anonymous part?.. But since you told me what you do for a living I'll tell you what I do too, I'm an elementary school teacher, the best in the whole school" - The woman replied and you stared at the message for a few seconds

-Littlechef: "the funny thing about this is get to know each other without knowing how we look and let ourselves influence by it... How we will get to know each other if we don't talk about ourselves?" - You replied and she sent a laughing emoji

-MissPoker: "you got me there... I'm Melissa btw, nice to meet you" - she replied and you wondered if it would be right to give your name to a complete stranger, but it was what you first did when you met someone in person, so you thought it wouldn't hurt to do it here

-Littlechef: "I'm (Y/N), nice to meet you too" - You replied without having the slightest idea how important a complete stranger would become to you.

From that day forward the conversation began to flow, from casual conversations to deeper ones, and there was no longer a day when you didn't talk to her.

You also remembered those first feelings for her even if you denied at the moment

Her notifications made you let out that silly laugh every time, like a child does when he gets into some mischief. You were always checking your phone. Her notification brightened your day in a surprising way and made you happy how easy everything was with her, there was always a topic of conversation and she always knew what to say when you got quiet. She was amazing.

Just talking to her made you feel a warmth in your soul that you didn't really know how to handle, to be honest it scared you a little, you had been hurt before and you had sworn to avoid relationships at least for a while, but everything was so perfect that it was hard not to feel something for her even when you haven't seen her face yet. Her way of being was the perfect compliment for you.

You remembered the first time you saw how she was

One day you decided it was time to forget the anonymous part and put a face to the name, so you exchanged photos. You were really nervous about that, what if she thought you were ugly? You knew she was older and that didn't bother you, that even turn you on a little bit, but what if she wasn't what you expected?.. You were so nervous and scared for the unknown but at the same time so thrilled to finally see her... So you each send 3 pictures to each other.

If you had fallen in love with her personality, her face was something else and made you fall even more, she was perfection itself. For God's sake, what a beautiful woman, her hair with those soft curls, her beautiful smile, her eyes shining in a particular way that made you feel warmth and peace, and her sharp cheeks looked like they had been formed by an artist with a chisel. If we are the creation of a God, she was his masterpiece, pure perfection. And let's not talk about her body and the things it made you feel...

She told you repeatedly how beautiful you were too, but you felt like a worm every time you saw her pictures again. You were so lucky.

Also, after the photos, you exchanged numbers too and you immediately deleted the dating app. Your heart was already hers even if you didn't knew at that moment.

You also remembered your first sad moment together

One particular day, you shared a picture of a place where you were painting, you had finished work and went to a particular place you liked to eat something and paint a little. You and Mel had been talking about meeting in person, but that day everything changed and your hopes fade a little. When she asked what you were doing, you told her and decided to send a picture of the place and what you were creating . You never expect Mel's answer

-"You don't live in Phily?"-Her comment left you a little bit lost and confused. The app was supposed to connect you with people who were close to you, but something went wrong and somehow you and Mel were able to see each other's profile even though you lived veeery far away.

You had never thought about it, you had both assumed you lived nearby but you were wrong. That day you both wondered if it made sense to keep talking and making plans to meet each other if you lived so far away, but after much consideration, you decided to see where all this was going despite the distance and kept talking.

Thank goodness you decided to do it, because fate had big plans for you. Love knows no distances and would continue to grow until your heart and hers came together.

You also remembered the ways in which she was always present even when she was far away

You decided to call her, you were about to have a panic attack, your country wasn't very stable and your job was laying off people because it wasn't enough to pay everyone. Mel listened patiently to all your fears and worries

-"What if I'm next? One of my friends was laid off and she had been there longer than me. I really like this job and I don't want to lose it, Mel. I don't know if I have the good qualities to find another one. I'm really scared" - You commented to the redhead while you were crying, while it hurt her to see you like this, she wouldn't let you be sad for long and she wouldn't let you alone on this

-"Hey Hon... Breath please... Let's not get ahead of ourselves, you're an incredible worker, you do everything in that place, I've seen how many amazing things you do, you're worth a lot and I don't think you'll be taken out. And if they do, you'll get a job in no time, you've got incredible talent in the kitchen and doing so many other things, you've got a good time of experience and that helps for a new job, you'll do well and I will be here to help you... But again, let's focus on the present, you still have work, stay focused on that, nothing bad will happen, Okey?"-The redhead whispered, and you nodded a little more calmly when you heard her voice, even if it was on the phone.

In the end she was right, the layoffs stopped and you even got a raise. Like that occasion, she was helping you through every difficult moment.

You remember all the things she did to be present for you even on the distance

Mel figured out how to use her cards to deliver food or snacks you liked.

She also learned how to play some games that you showed her to play with you, it was very funny to hear her insult while you played war games against other people, you almost every time won at uno.

Sometimes you would make video calls and watch movies together even at a distance.

And every night she would call you and tell you things about her day until you fell asleep together.

Every step you took there was her holding your hand and encouraging you, helping you to become a better version of yourself.

You even introduced her to some of your friends via video call and she did the same, so you met Barbara, Janine and Jacob.

One day the two of you decided to formalize things when you noticed how the talks were no longer just a talk of friends, but of something more. Mel wasn't one to believe in long-distance relationships, but somehow everything was working out better than expected.

Time passed with countless calls, photos, videos, sexual calls, and many many messages and audios.

Every once in a while you would send her a package of things for her and she would buy you things too.

There were days when you missed her presence even when you'd never really had her around, she always said that she was right there with you, but that didn't made the distance easier. It's weird to explain, but you can miss someone you've never meet.

You remembered how after months of missing her, the two of you finally met for the first time

When your work and hers allowed it, you agreed to travel to the same place to meet in person, she traveled with Barbara and you with your best friend.

The first hug, that first hug was something that was etched in your memory. You waited for her at the airport because you got there first, when she finally saw you she dropped everything and hugs you so tightly, no a word was shared, but you remember how everything was said in silence. Her hands fit perfectly in the hollow of your back, your height fit perfectly with hers, her perfume was the richest thing you have ever smelled in your life and finally your heart felt at peace.

You spent a week together, having amazing sex, walking, cuddling, taking the opportunity to sleep and bathe together, creating memories and making plans for the future, you even stole a pair of shirts to take home and have her smell close.

That was the first of many trips, every time you had the opportunity you got together to see each other even for a few days.

Your soul craved her in a way that never happened before to you.

Back to the present

A sigh left your lips as you remembered all those things, thousands of things had happened in between those years, even some arguments, but everything was fixed and you stayed together through all. Remembering all of that, remembering how you are able to feel Mel's love in everything she did from day one, made you cry lost in your mind and memories, missing her and feeling sad for some reason.

The sound of a new notification took you out of your thoughts and with your trembling hands you wiped your tears a little and picked up your cell phone

-♠️ MyMissPoker ♥️: "Hey sweetheart, is everything okay?.."-Mel sent you the first message many minutes ago, but when you started to remind everything that had happened over the years, you had forgotten to answer her and she got worried

-You: "no... I miss you, I need you here, I don't want you to be far away specially in a day like this" - You answered and she immediately called you, as soon as you answered she could hear your soft sobs

-"Baby, what happened?" - The redhead asked very worriedly-"I'm here, why are you crying? Are you having second thoughts? Did I do something wrong?"-You sighed trying to calm your crying and be able to answer

-"you are perfect, but I need you, I need you to feel you close" - You whispered in a weak voice

-"I'll go there right now, I'm just a few blocks away and I'm mostly ready, wait for me" - Mel answered and you heard her take her keys and her sister screamed in the background for her to come back

-"But it's bad luck to see each other before the wedding" - You whispered

-"It's also bad luck that one of the brides is crying of sadness in their special day... Besides, we have been apart too much time already, God will understand..."-she joked and you sobbed and laughed at the same time

-"Your sister will kill you" - You whispered laughing when you heard the screams

-"We will figure something out, wait for me, I'm coming. I love you"-She responded quickly, and you heard her sister get in the car with her

-"I love you more" - You answered and waited for her to arrive. After a few minutes you felt a soft knock on the door and then Mel's sister came in with a blindfold for your eyes and another for the redhead, so you and Mel could be together without seeing each other and without the bad luck.

Seconds after putting on the blindfold you felt how arms hugged your waist, you immediately hugged her again hiding in her neck letting out a sigh that you didn't know you were holding. You could tell she was almost ready because her dress was pressed against you and her hair was up. You finally felt safe again

-"Thank you for coming...I missed you" - You whispered and held her tighter hiding as much as possible in the crook of her neck

-"I missed you too... For a second I got scared that you were having second thoughts... I love you so much, I'm sure you are gorgeous right now" - The redhead kissed your forehead and held you until you calmed down completely, even though you couldn't see her, she was filling all your senses and that was all you need it to feel better. After a few minutes she kissed you forehead again-"Ready?" - She asked and you nodded while still hugging her

-"Ready...I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together" - You whispered kissing her

-"I'll waiting for you" - She answered and you let her go to finish arranging the last details to be perfect on your most special day, your wedding and the beginning of a live together.

About Plagiarism

I left a long, planned essay on Twitter tonight. I will copy the meat of it here for y’all, as recently a friend was copied (a rarer ship in the fandom, so very noticeable by the writer and their regular beta reader) and it seems we need a Talk, kids. Links and screenshots and my rambling underway.

------

Apparently we need to discuss what is and isn’t plagiarism. Especially in FanFic where we're interacting with the same characters, settings, ideas. Let’s start with the dictionary and continue the thread from there (I like the word origin/history personally):

Definition of plagiarize

transitive verb  : to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own : use (another's production) without crediting the source

intransitive verb : to commit literary theft : present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source

The Kidnapping Roots of Plagiarize

If schools wish to impress upon their students how serious an offense plagiarism is, they might start with an explanation of the word’s history. Plagiarize (and plagiarism) comes from the Latin plagiarius “kidnapper.” This word, derived from the Latin plaga (“a net used by hunters to catch game”), extended its meaning in Latin to include a person who stole the words, rather than the children, of another. When plagiarius first entered English in the form plagiary, it kept its original reference to kidnapping, a sense that is now quite obsolete.

“Ideas” is fuzzy in the Merriam-Webster definition. There are story archetypes that exist in many forms. Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth/Hero's Journey outlines many famous stories. And it's popular to say that “Avatar” is “Dances with Wolves” is “Pocahontas” is “The Last Samurai” etc.

But note how while those films have similar plotlines--”Military Guy falls for Native woman, learns to appreciate her Culture, stands up to Evil Bosses”--none of them execute those ideas in the same way. Sully’s story is different from Dunbar’s not just cuz one’s a Science Fiction epic and the other a Western. Disney's “Pocahontas” Very Loosely takes history and uses the same story beats. The Last Samurai uses the Meiji era Westernization. Same ideas, different executions, even beyond settings.

None of these are plagiarizing each other though the ideas are similar. They’re told in their own ways, own language; both in the genres they belong to (Western, Pseudo-History, SciFi, Animated) and how characters interact with each other and settings. Original dialogues (variable quality).

We also see this in books as similar novel plots get published in waves so we end up with bunches of post-apocalypse teen revolutionaries or various vampires or lots of young wizard stories all at once. Sometimes ideas just happen like this; multiple discovery, simultaneous invention, concurrent inspiration, cognitive emergence are all phrases I’ve seen for it. So it happens in original content as well, and legality gets fuzzy (Also why you don't send authors your fanfic ideas).

In existing properties, this gets trickier but even “Elementary”’s Holmes and Watson are nothing like the BBC’s “Sherlock” characters. Who are nothing like other versions of the Detective and his Doctor pal over the decades in various media properties.

FanFic's in a similar position where like Sherlock Holmes we play with the same characters, setting, and storyarcs but give our own spin to them. People can and will have similar ideas about plots. Trick is to use your own words. Take the characters and make the story your own.

I have a good example courtesy of @raelly-writing​. We both ship Wolcred. We both wrote soft post-Paglth’an scenes with Thancred and our WoLs. Both features the couples helping each other undress, examining injuries, bathing, bantering. My fic was written soon after 5.5 part 1 came out. Dara’s is much more recent. Yet at no point reading hers did I feel she was copying my words. The PoVs differ. Our characters focus on different things. Mine has a mini-arc concerning the Nutkin.

The links for comparison’s sake (and maybe leave kudos/comments if so inclined please and thanks). Note while the scenes are very similar no phrases are written in the same way. Mine: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417882/chapters/76059467 Dara’s: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067565/chapters/81832915

Dara and I both hang out in certain Discords and I know conversations about Thancred and WoL caring for each other post-battle has come up in those channels and we've both participated. It’s a stock FanFic scene to boot. Cuz it's soft and feels warm and snuggly.

I HAVE been copied before, back in WoW. My case is pretty clear cut so here are the images of my old RP Haven profile (1st, old RP website) and the plagiarist’s RSP (2nd, an in game mod to share descriptions and basic info). 

This was a decade ago on Shadow Council and I think the character deleted so any Availa’s in WoW now aren’t the same person. I left the names to point out what changed. Just the names and a word or 2 to make sense for the class changes as well. Otherwise lifted directly from my RP profile.

The funny part is how the person got caught. Literally walked into our weekly RP Guild meeting that I was running and asked to join. Folks noticed right away the similar backstory; after all there may have been more Outland-born Azerothians. My initial excitement at a character I could weave into our story turned to gut-twisting rage and grief as I recognized my own exact words though. Words I’d carefully crafted and constantly iterated on to improve over time (before and after this incident, until the site died).

When caught they tried to claim their significant other had leveled the character for them and made up the backstory based on Skyrim. If you know WoW’s Outland story and Skyrim’s plot you know how ridiculous that is. Also tried to lie about other drama I knew about thanks to roommate's characters but hey. I had to be blunt that I’d shared the info with Haven mods and other guild officers Alliance and Horde. That we would not “laugh about this” one day though lucky this was “just” RP not original or academic work. Cuz if it'd been monetized or academic I would've raked them through the coals.

I felt violated. Hurt. Had anxiety attacks. They took MY WORDS and tried to claim them as theirs. Have another character born in Outland trained by Draenei; Awesome! Our characters have an instant connect in similarities and differences of that experience. Don’t steal my characters wholesale!

Then the audacity of trying to come into my guild as if no one would notice. ShC wasn’t a large server by then, still active but not nearly Wyrmrest Accord or Moon Guard big. My character was well known due to my writing and RP. Speaking of how easy it is to get caught in specific spaces...A case of a self-published novelist getting noticed for plagiarizing fanfic was discovered recently (explicit erotica examples through the thread).

One way they got noticed was how much content they put out in only a year, lifted from fandom. The examples in Kokom’s threads show how the material was altered but still recognizable. In some cases, just the names are changed as in my experience. In other passages more has changed but you can still see the bones of the original fic poking through in the descriptions and character interactions, even with adjustments made.

Similar ideas happen. Similar plots exist. Same 'ships with friends are fun! In FanFic we’re working with the same material. It’s possible to write a similar scene differently. To make that scene and characters your own. All we’re asking is not to copy others' words. Others' characters. Others' specific phrases and descriptions used to bring those words, those characters, to life. Use your own. In the end you’ll be happier.

I get wanting to have what the perceived “popular people” have. I get seeing concepts others succeed with and wanting some of that too. We all get a bit jealous now and then for various reasons. Sometimes we don't even realize it, consciously. But do it in your own way. Maybe check to see if you’re getting a bit too close to the “inspiration” you admired, maybe reread often. Don’t hurt your fellow creatives. If you do and get caught don’t try to double down. Have the grace to be abashed at least and work to do better. Eventually you WILL get caught. All it takes is once to throw all else you've done into question. Ao3 doesn’t take kindly to plagiarists. Nor do a lot of fan communities focused on writing and RP. Getting back that trust is hard. The internet doesn’t forget easily, for good or ill.

yeah!!! my hs is like... one of the best advanced programs in the nation, i'm pretty sure? like we partner with 4 community colleges and you can graduate with associates if you get enough credits (i'll be like 12 short)

i woke up at 6 am since elementary school-10th grade but now??? gl getting me up before noon consistently LMAO

xiao my king <333 i saved for him for 5 months when i was f2p. i spend money now but... yeah... he also has like.. 160-180 er i think? like he can fully ult bot and live on his own w/o a battery, just needs a healer or the nre. i want to min max and get rid of his elemental mastery rolls on his artifacts and get him above 200 crit dmg SO bad

omg that's so fun. i started writing (fanfic, at least, i wanted to be an author when i was eight and wrote really bad original works) on quotev and i used to roleplay 🗿🗿🗿make harry potter and pjo ocs in ~exclusive~ groups you had to pass a test to get in.

that sounds so fun!!!! i wanted to make like... a discord of my moots but then i remembered only like... 3 of them know each other and i'm too introverted to link a bunch of people together HELP

taeyong fr has such a DROUGHT on this site like. where is my boy?? where is he?? can anyone find my boy and write fics for him (other than brooke (shout out to her for carrying tyongf on her back))???

i'm excited for taeil's too!! "there's a son of apollo named after the moon" where reader is a child of hecate and you exhaust yourself using the mist and he heals you and you slowly fall for him <3

there r two child of hermes (mark and hyuck 4lyfers), child of thanatos, etc. and i'm trying to make it so the reader is related to one of the members in each fic, so every y/n is like a different person that could stand on their own and interact !!!

like in taeyong's (i fall for a man who talks to plants), you're a child of ares and doyoung is your brother, and he has a crush on a child of aphrodite (who will be y/n in doie's fic)

i think the most my long fics get is like.. 100? maybe 200 if i'm lucky HELPPPP

but i enjoy writing them so. sorry to my following u're getting long fics anyways <3

omg that’s so cool !! i’m sure that’s rlly useful for when you start college too 🤧 mine was partnered with the community college in our area but i only took like 3-4 classes, though i do have friends that got their associate degrees during their senior year !! :’) i believe it was 60 credits for an associate (18 credits of major classes i think)

i don’t even remember when i woke up during elementary 😵‍💫 i don’t think i even woke up on my own until high school tho bc i didn’t have a smart phone until then and i used to be such a heavy sleeper LOL i lowkey still am but i think i’m just considerably easier to wake up than my roommate 🥲🥲

HAHAH i was f2p until childe’s banner and then i whaled a little for him 🤧 and ofc getting welkin but i don’t rlly consider that whaling. omg yeah i usually keep xiao in a second team with jean :’)) but i wanna build yanfei ganyu zhongli and keqing better before i focus on him 💗💗

PASS A TEST HAHAHH is it like facts from the books or something 😭😭 i don’t remember how old i was when i started writing but i kept my writing to myself for a long time and then started posting on wattpad when i was like 11 ?? and then i went through fandom phases LOLL

HAHAHA you still should !! tbh i don’t think everyone in my friend group knew each other well when it was first made :o i was in a group with cat, nikki, and ace initially and then we expanded by adding ppl we talked with often in our server LOL but i still knew of them bc some of them were/are pretty big on wattpad :o

AHH RIGHT 🤧🤧 brooke does write so many of the taeyong fics :oo it’s hard to find sfw taeyong ☹️ tho my friend manx wrote a taeyong fic called sic semper tyrannis a while ago which is soooo good 🤩 probably one of the best taeyong fics i’ve read !! 💗💗 and then “flowers in your hair” by @/solarune was also so cute !! 🌸

AHHH TAEIL ANOTHER MEMBER I BARELY SEE FICS FOR ☹️💗 but that’s so cute !! son of apollo definitely suits him <33 and i get what you mean !! i did smthn similar for my nct series — mc for jaemin’s installment was jaehyun’s younger sister, and that was alluded to in other installments as well + many of the members appear in each other’s fics (ex. mark being in jaehyun and johnny’s installments as well as getting his own) 🤧

100 notes is still so much !! just thinking ab it like :oo that’s 100 individuals leaving their love on your fic 🥰 it’s crazy to think about tbh 😵‍💫

Cold Heart

Context: This story was inspired by a tumblr post from tumblr user @cozycullens. The post outlined the potential for sappy holiday content that the original story lacked. The post noted that Twilight fans had to fill in the blanks; I thought it would be fun to write out what Valentine’s Day could have looked like for Edward and Bella. The timeline of this story edits the original canon, meaning the breakup in New Moon and subsequent recoupling happens earlier, allowing the pair to be reunited in time to spend both the Christmas holiday season together and Valentine’s Day. This is before the events are set in motion for the vampire army attack in Eclipse. I’d also like to mention that this story addresses a scene that occurs later in the timeline of the novel. I’ve edited it here to give Edward and Bella a bit of private time that is free of the pressures that the later happenings of Eclipse bring to the moment. In this, I have used direct quotes from Meyer’s novel, and I do not claim to own that content in any way. As stated, this is purely for fun and to share with my fellow Twilight fans.

READ PART TWO HERE

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The dull blue grey light of the morning filtered through my window in a haze, waking me gently from inconsequential dreams. My natural instincts to unfurl myself from my usual swaddle of blankets to reach for him felt empty and unnecessary. Rather, I found myself spread across my bed in a sweaty mess of fabric.

“Edward?” I said softly, propping myself up to take in the room. I blinked quickly and tried to brush the mess of my hair from my face, speaking his name again as a question. There was no reply.

I tried to think back to the night before; I didn’t think he had gone hunting. No, he had surely been with me when I fell asleep. A compilation of Victorian poetry was open face-down on his side of my bed. We made the trip to Seattle a few weeks ago to get the book I needed to get started on my research paper. I had chosen the topic of Tennyson and Rossetti as an ironic gesture toward him – my very own post-Victorian era angel. He was reading his favorites to me, his voice a velvet whisper when I had fallen asleep in his cool embrace.

No, I was sure he had been with me throughout the night. I ran my left palm over the bare sheet beside me and felt the lingering presence of his wintry skin. It was unusual for him to leave before I woke. It was my favorite part of each day, and his. I was wondering what had called him away as I picked up the heavy text to see where he had left off. As I turned the pages to face me, a small piece of paper fluttered into my lap. The note he had left in his elegant script explained his absence.

‘Who are wise in love, love most, say least. Happy Valentine’s Day, love.’

He quoted Tennyson, I was sure, but the poem he had left open was not the same one he referenced. Instead, the book was open to Tennyson’s ‘Crossing the Bar,’ which was certainly not a love poem. I scanned it quickly, trying to garner any meaning from it without success. My mind was racing elsewhere, my heart beating quickly with exultant dread. So he had gone to prepare whatever exorbitant Valentine’s Day surprise he had planned. As fate would have it, this holiday had arrived on a school day and would provide a public audience to witness the surely over-the-top display Edward had planned for me.

Edward’s obsession with making the most of my human experiences had only intensified since reaching our compromise for Carlisle to turn me after my impending high school graduation. Christmas had been a deluge of cheer and merriment thanks to Alice, who was overcompensating for lost time with me – while also, just being Alice. I was still convinced it hadn’t snowed quite as much as she’d wanted and she had somehow managed a snow machine to fill in my yard for Christmas morning. Alice had laughed off my assumptions as absurd, but Charlie was still trying to work out how our yard had had a good three feet more snow than the rest of our neighborhood.

The halls had certainly been decked in Cullen home, too. It had to be visible from space from the sheer amount of Christmas lights neatly hung on every eave and railing. For the entire month of December, the house smelled of fresh gingerbread and pine. Every surface had been transformed with fresh garlands and shiny decorations. The fireplace in the grand living room was constantly crackling a gentle fire, flickering its light against the enormous tree trimmed with ornaments gathered over the many decades of Christmases past. And the gifts – oh – I couldn’t even bring myself to continue the thought.

I was brought back to reality, the sweet valentine in my shaking hand. I took a staggered breath and made a passing glance at the clock as I rushed to the bathroom. I tried not to think about the day ahead as I dressed. Charlie had already left for the station and the rest of my morning at home seemed to move in a blur of anxiety. I stumbled out the door in a black turtleneck, jeans, bean boots, and my mustard yellow coat. I thought my very standard attire might signal Edward to my disinterest in any outlandish public displays of affection. I drove slowly to Forks High School through the rain muddled snow. My truck dredged through the sludge into the parking spot beside the familiar silver Volvo.

The parking lot was already full and busy with the usual Friday commotion. I looked out my rearview mirror to take in the pops of pink and red from the Valentine’s baubles that everyone seemed to be toting. I had always found the holiday rather arbitrary – a well-marketed event to boost the sales of chocolates and flowers. Until my mother had found Phil, Valentine’s Day was usually spent in front of the television with a pint of ice cream, two spoons, and a chick-flick. I was trying to remember the last Valentine’s Day movie my mom and I had watched together when a quick knock on my driver’s side window snapped my eyes from my rearview.

The morning’s panic melted from my bones as I took him in. Edward was standing there, my favorite crooked smile on his lips, a single and perfect red rose held up in his hand.

“Good morning,” he murmured as I opened my door and got to my feet to stand in front of him. “Did you get my Valentine?”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “Tennyson?”

He nodded, a smirk crossing his expression. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

I felt a blush beginning to mark my cheeks and looked down at my feet as he handed me my rose. He moved to rest that now empty hand above my head on the frame of my truck, leaning to tighten the space between us. His free hand swept down my jaw, his gentle fingers stopping below my chin to tilt my head up. He bent down to press his lips to mine, his cool breath sending my delicate humanity into a tailspin. The kiss was, as expected, refined… at first. Unexpectedly, he draped an arm around my body to pull me closer to his frame. He lifted me effortlessly to continue the kiss as my free hand found its way around the base of his neck and into his bronze hair.

When his response became rigid and he began to return my feet to their reluctant ground, I realized I had forgotten to breathe. My legs trembled against the sudden gravity and he steadied me as I took in sharp breaths. He chuckled lightly and shook his head.

“What am I going to do with you?” he teased.

“With any hope, that, again.”

He took a slow step back and smirked, “I do enjoy sweeping you off your feet.”

My head was still spinning as I grabbed my bag from the truck and shut the door behind me. Edward took my right hand as we walked to class, my single rose in the left.

The rest of the day continued on and I was a happy bystander to the couples declaring their love for one another throughout the day. It seemed each period passed with another sudden delivery of roses, large teddy bears, or chocolates. Joyce Lowell in Government received a loud serenade from half of the school’s marching band, her boyfriend, Aaron, the faux-conductor. Each time the door to the classroom opened my heart skipped a beat with the fresh fear that Edward might have some embarrassing demonstration planned. I wasn’t eager to hurt his feelings and so I kept the question from him all day. I had cracked by fifth period when he finally asked, “Why is your heart is thrumming like a hummingbird’s?”

“I’m worried that you have a grand romantic gesture planned,” I took a sharp breath, anxious for his response. My heart rate only increased when he shrugged and walked ahead of me into the classroom.

I was at a loss for words when he chuckled. “Am I not allowed a grand gesture on Valentine’s Day?” Panic rushed through me before he continued in a more serious tone, “Do you honestly believe that my romantic displays are akin to those of someone like Mike Newton?”

His eyes glanced down at the trinkets gathered in my arms. I thought this tradition had been left in elementary school, but it seemed my friends still enjoyed giving each other Valentine’s treats. Jessica and Angela both had given me small paper crafts and chocolates to mark the occasion. Even Tyler and Eric participated, handing out boxes of tiny heart candies.

The only class Edward could not manage to work out to have with me our senior year was math – considering my being in a far lower level than was excusable for him to fail into. This, of course, was the only class I had exclusively with Mike. I had found it funny that it bothered Edward in the slightest; until today, when Mike seized the opportunity to give me a large stuffed bear, a rather huge box of chocolates, and a clearly handmade valentine. All platonically, Mike had assured me, as he was still on-and-off with Jessica and I was still very much Edward’s – only Edward’s.

I shook my head as I fumbled to stack all of my favors onto a pile on my desk, keeping the rose in my hand to tap lightly on the tip of Edward’s nose.

He tilted his brow at my playful gesture. “You have nothing to worry about. I simply have arranged for us to have a night alone. My family have their own Valentine’s Day traditions and we’ll have the house to ourselves. For this one night could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?” he pleaded, unleashing the full force of his eyes on me. “It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you.”

“No,” I shook my head again. “Just you is good.”

The hitch in my tone caught his attention, but he didn’t have a chance to respond. Mr. Banner began lecturing on optics and light. I couldn’t focus on Physics; I could only hear Edward’s methodic voice repeating ‘I need to be with you’ again and again. Each passing thought brought a new blush to my cheeks that I tried to hide behind a curtain of my hair. I was sure he could hear my fluttering heart, but I couldn’t focus on that either. I was entirely clouded with thoughts of him. I stared at his strong hands, folded together in front of him on the table. How I imagined them on my body a million times, his cold fingertips grazing over my bare skin in the places he refused to wander. It was all I could think of the rest of the day.

When I was back in my room, a different blur of anxiety plagued me than when I had left it in the morning. Edward and I went our separate ways after school. He had filled me in on how exactly he had planned to handle the issue of Charlie. My father was still learning to trust me again and another night out of the house was certainly going to come under some heavy interrogation. I was technically still grounded even though Edward had been following Charlie’s very strict rules to a perfect degree. I was sure that Charlie hadn’t missed the fact that it was Valentine’s Day and I could only imagine the things he would think Edward and I would be doing if left alone. I was pressing the subject when Edward said, “Esme spoke with Charlie today and let him know that Carlisle is taking my brothers and I on a long-promised camping trip. You’ll be having a girls’ night with Esme, Alice, and Rosalie, as Charlie knows it. He’s been hoping you’d be spending more time with Alice soon.”

I felt a twinge of guilt for all the lying that had to be done to protect Charlie. This lie was much less to protect him from the perils of life threatening vampire attacks and much more about protecting him from the thought of his teenage daughter being alone with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. The guilt subsided when I remembered that I would get to be alone with Edward.

I stood in my room, hands steadying me on my dresser, knees shaking from the anticipation. The mix of emotions kept wracking me in waves. Edward had made it very clear; we could not be together physically until I was changed. My safety, was not something he was willing to jeopardize to satisfy any desire – which, to his credit, was entirely the reason I was alive. It was difficult to argue with Edward on that fact, but it was so incredibly difficult to argue with my own desires, still. And yet, I felt foolish all the same. I was so intensely human. Though he’d told me many times that he felt the same way for me, I knew he couldn’t possibly lust for me the way I did for him. I was able to reason that point logically, but part of me questioned it in this moment. Had he changed his mind?

I knew what was waiting for me at the Cullens’. It hadn’t been much more than a month since the last time I had genuinely spent the night there for a ‘girls’ night.’ Edward didn’t want me anywhere near Jacob and so Edward had been avoiding distant hunting trips to keep a close watch on me. Alice was all too eager to babysit to allow Edward a satiating hunt; it left me free to be played with as if I were her life-sized doll. That wasn’t what I was fixated on now. The image of the intricate wrought-iron bed burned in my mind. The thought of Edward and I wrapped tenderly in its golden threads made me quiver again, a sigh escaping my lips.

A knock at the front door made my heart stutter. I heard Charlie gather himself up off the couch to get the door. I stopped listening and only heard the light murmur of greetings as I rushed to find something appropriate to wear. What kind of outfit were you supposed to put together to seduce your vampire boyfriend? I was clashing hangers together across the pole, a bit frantic, when I heard her behind me.

Alice shook her head. “You look like you need to sit down. Let me handle this,” she said.

I decided it was better not to argue with her. I was, in all fairness, a mess, and there was only so much harm she could do with my own wardrobe to work with. She confidently pulled my small duffle from the top shelf of my closet and began packing things without truly looking at them. She had already seen what she would need.

I was sitting in my rocking chair when she looked back to me, still absently packing my bag. She looked like she was waiting for me to say something, but I swallowed uncomfortably rather than working up the nerve to talk.

She cast me a sympathetic smile as she removed something from my closet and tossed it toward me. “Try this,” she said.

I stood to change into the hyacinth blue sweater Alice had given it to me as a Christmas gift. Unlike many of the other fashion pieces Alice had tried to dress me in, I did like it. It was soft, probably a thin cashmere, with a plunging V neckline. It fit my frame tightly and was flattering in a way that I couldn’t justify being embarrassed by. She moved to my dresser then, digging through the very bottom drawer to pull out a short skirt she had also gifted me that I was not particularly fond of. Before I could argue, she slung it onto the bed.

“Work with me here, Bella,” she said sternly.

I pulled on the black skirt without a fight. Alice finished off my outfit with a pair of expensive black leather boots.

“And those were a gift from Esme, before you think of disputing them,” she lectured.

“No, I like them. At least they’re covering more of my skin,” I said, zipping them up.

Alice peaked her eyebrows, a smirk budding on her face as she closed my bag. I felt the rush of blood on my complexion again. “Alice – “

“Come on, let’s go before you lose it,” she said quickly, pulling my hand and leading me out of my room and down the stairs.

Charlie didn’t bother looking away from the television as we called a quick goodbye to him. Alice carried me through the slush in a movement so brief that I had no time to process it, placing me in the passenger seat of her small yellow Porsche. Forks blurred outside the windows and in the darkness of the car, it was easier for me to talk about what I was getting myself into.

“Does he…” I asked in her direction, not finishing the thought.

“I don’t think I should really say anything, Bella.” She answered, plainly.

“Since when do you keep things to yourself, Alice?”

She chuckled quietly, “Whatever I say now is not going to help. I’m just dropping you off. You’re not the only one with Valentine’s Day plans, you know.”

“That’s not fair,” I complained. “He’s seen whatever you’ve seen. He’s not going into this blind like I am.”

“Oh, yes he is,” she said proudly. “I’ve been careful to stay away from him today – and it’s not quite clear what’s going to happen. You’ve only been growing bolder in the last few hours.”

Bolder? I certainly didn’t feel it. In the light of the dashboard, I saw Alice turn to me as the car began to slow. We were already in the driveway. When the car stopped, I felt a quick breeze from the opening and closing of her door. She had slung my bag over her shoulder quickly before arriving at my door to help me to the porch steps. I doubted even Alice thought I was that uncoordinated to walk a few feet without falling; she was carrying me everywhere to keep the boots safe, I thought. She set me down on the porch and walked ahead of me into the house. I followed her in, confused.

“I thought you said you were just dropping me off?”

                  We were in the living room when she said, “I am. Edward isn’t here yet. He had an errand to run. He’ll be here soon and we’ll be gone – don’t worry.”

                  A fresh blush met my cheeks as I locked eyes with the another set in the room. Rosalie was perched on the edge of the sofa, bent over the coffee table arranging what looked like a large photo album. She had small papers and photos scattered all over the table, some in small piles on the floor beside her. She gazed up at me with the come-to-be-expected level of enthusiasm I generally received, but there was a hint of something else in her expression. It caught me by surprise and left me gawking at her silently. Rosalie’s appearance always struck me, but tonight she was especially beautiful. Her tight satin dress was just the perfect shade of red to compliment her equally satin skin, her golden hair a perfect, elegant twist, and her long bare legs crossed in front of her were only further elongated by her strappy, red stilettos. Alice had done her best with me, but I felt myself self-consciously tug at the hem of my skirt.

                  That inexplicable look that I had caught in Rosalie’s expression seemed to grow stronger as she gauged my assessment of her. A small smile crossed her lips as she looked back to what she was working on and I looked to Alice, who was dancing back down the stairs now. I hadn’t noticed her departure, but she was already redressed in an ensemble that mirrored the glamour of Rosalie’s. Alice bent one leg up behind her, fastening the tiny buckle on the strap of her heel, careful not to bend and crease the fabric on her burgundy slip-dress.

“Alright, Rose. Let’s not keep them waiting any longer.” Alice rolled her eyes at me quickly before Rosalie noticed. Alice had her keys in her tiny hands as she walked my direction to head for the door.

“I will see you tomorrow,” she said with a coy grin.

Rosalie was out the door faster than I could follow. I turned to Alice as she moved at a more mortal pace. “Where are you going?” I asked.

Alice waved as she replied, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Bella!” The door was shut behind her then. I heard the muffled roar of her Porsche as she and Rosalie left me behind. I assumed that I was completely alone then. I was curious to know where they were going, but my mind was busy calculating other worries. I stood in the Cullens’ living room, taking in the sheer silence. The only sound was coming from the low burning fire still crackling dimly in the fireplace. I unlocked my tense limbs to move toward the heat. I stopped briefly to survey Rosalie’s project and flipped through a couple of pages on the bound album.

Were these all valentines? I picked up a few loose papers from the table and skimmed them quickly. It seemed that Rosalie had been collecting notes from her admirers for decades, compiling the highlights in an album with cards dating back to 1929. Some of the earlier letters were from when she was still human, if I wasn’t mistaken. A few authors were brave enough to sign their names, but most were anonymous confessions. I spent more time snooping through Rosalie’s valentines than I should have, but part of me thought that she must have wanted me to see them. Why else would she have left them all here?

I focused myself again and took a seat on the edge of the hearth.

                  I was glad I had a moment to gather myself and took the opportunity to take a few deep, but unsteady, breaths. Why was I so unnerved? I closed my eyes and tried to summon my buried fantasies of Edward. There I let myself imagine him, pulling me tightly to his chest, letting his lips roam my jaw, my neck, and the dips of my collarbones. What would he look like bare? I’d only been able to guess the parts of him that were always just beyond my reach. I let those thoughts in too, imagining my own fingers tracing patterns around the curves of his muscles. To bring him close to me, skin to skin – the thought alone painted my face in a soft blush. I bit my lip, letting go a full breath I had been holding. I opened my eyes then and immediately found him.

He was standing across the room from me, a statue of indescribable, sculpted beauty, leaning on the wall casually. He had a peaceful expression resting in his features, but his bright golden eyes were burning with something I couldn’t explain. My favorite crooked smile slowly crossed his lips as his eyes seemed to search my body. I blushed more deeply, a decision forming more firmly in my mind.

I loved him, purely, and every ounce of my body and soul ached to be his. It was exactly the reason I had asked him to change me himself. I wanted his venom to alter me permanently, his lips on my skin to be the last human sensation I’d ever feel. I wanted to be tangibly his, forever; for Edward to lay claim to me in an absolute and eternal way. If I was his, then he was mine. This desire burned in me more brightly in this moment than it ever had. But there were other human sensations I ached for now. And suddenly, I was sure I was not willing to sacrifice them.

Edward moved slowly across the room to perch in front of me. The height of the hearth and his tall body in a crouch before me, leveled us to be equally face-to-face. As he bent, he balanced a small, thin velvet box on my knees. I made no move to open it, so he chuckled lightly and opened it to reveal a small glittering heart-shaped charm. Even in the dim firelight, the brilliant crystal’s intricate cuts glinted countless sparkling rays of color. It was hung on a silver chain as thin as thread.

He was the first to break the silence.

“It was my mother’s.” He shrugged deprecatingly. “I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I’ve given some to Esme, Alice, and Rosalie throughout the years. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way.” I could feel his eyes on me, but I continued to stare down, not quite ready to speak. “A hand-me-down,” he reminded me sternly. “You said that was allowable.”

“I guess I did say that,” I said in a whisper.

He chuckled at my reluctance. “I thought it was a good representation,” he continued. “It’s hard and cold.” He laughed. “And it throws rainbows in the sunlight.”

“You forgot the most important similarity,” I murmured. “It’s beautiful.”

“My heart is just as silent,” he mused. “And it, too, is yours.”

I offered the box to him and moved to gather my hair away from my neck, turning to the fire. As he moved to clasp the chain around my neck, I said, “Thank you for both.”

His fingers seemed to linger on the skin of my throat as I turned back to face him. Our lips were only inches apart now. I moved my hands to wrap them around his neck.

“No, thank you. It’s a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too.” He grinned, flashing his teeth.                   His eyes wandered down to take pride in his accepted gift. I was grateful for the plunging neckline of my sweater when his gaze lingered where the crystal charm hung delicately above my chest. I made a mental note to thank Alice later and took a steadying breath. I began to feel cautiously optimistic. Perhaps getting what I wanted would not be as difficult as I’d expected it to be.

No, of course it was going to be just exactly that difficult. I cleared my throat lightly and braced myself. “Can we discuss something?” I asked. “I’d appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded.”

He hesitated for a moment and returned his eyes to mine. “I’ll give it my best effort,” he agreed, cautious now. He unwrapped my arms from around his neck as he moved to put space between us.

“I’m not breaking any rules here,” I promised. “This is strictly about you and me.”

“Listen to your heart fly,” he murmured. “It’s fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings,” he repeated the analogy he had applied to me earlier in the day. “Are you all right?”

“I’m great,” I said formally. I wondered why I was being so formal.

“Please go on then,” he encouraged.

“Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition.”

“It’s only ridiculous to you. What about it?” He was backing further away from me now.

I leaned closer to him, placing my hands on his knees to keep him near me. “I was wondering… is that open to negotiation?”

Edward frowned, serious now. “I’ve already made the largest concession by far and away – I’ve agreed to take your life against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part.”

“No.” I shook my head, focusing on keeping my face composed. “That part’s a done deal. We’re not discussing that now. I want to hammer out some other details.”

He looked at me suspiciously. “Which details do you mean exactly?”

I hesitated. “Let’s clarify your prerequisites first – matrimony?” I made it sound like a dirty word.

“Yes.” He smiled a wide smile. “To start with.”

The shock spoiled my carefully composed expression. “There’s more?”

“Well,” he said, his face calculating. “If you’re my wife, then what’s mine is yours… So there would be no issue with Dartmouth tuition.”

“Anything else? While you’re already being absurd?”

“Time. I’m finding it quite ephemeral… like it’s slipping through my fingers,” as he spoke, he rose his finger tips to sweep a gentle line over my exposed collarbones.

I shook my head, trying to forget his distracting touch. “No. No time. That’s a deal breaker.”

He sighed longingly. “Just a year or two?”

I refused to give into his burning amber eyes. “What else?”

“That’s it. Unless you’d like to talk cars…”

He grinned widely when I grimaced, then took my hand and began playing with my fingers. “I didn’t realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I’m extremely curious.” His voice was low and soft. The slight edge would have been hard to detect if I hadn’t known it so well.

I paused, staring at his hand on mine. I still didn’t know how to begin. I felt his eyes watching me and I was afraid to look up. The blood began to burn in my face.

His cool hand cupped my cheek. “You’re blushing?” he asked in surprise. I kept my eyes down. “Please, Bella, the suspense is painful.”

I bit my lip.

“Bella.” His tone reproached me now, reminding me that it was hard for him when I kept my thoughts to myself.

“Edward,” I said, nervous, staring at a freckle on my wrist. “There’s something that I want to do before I’m not human anymore.”

He waited for me to continue. I didn’t. My face was hot.

“Whatever you want,” he encouraged, anxious and completely clueless.

“Do you promise?” I muttered, knowing my attempt to trap him with his words was not going to work. But he was unable to resist my coaxing.

“Yes,” he said. I looked up through my lashes to see that his eyes were earnest and confused. “Tell me what you want, and you can have it.”

I couldn’t believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent. I didn’t have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self-conscious.

“You,” I mumbled almost incoherently.

“I’m yours.” He smiled, still oblivious, trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again.

I took a deep breath and leaned closer to him, pressing my lips to his. He kissed me back, bewildered but willing, his lips gentle against mine. I began to slide my hands from his knees, up his thighs and slowly toward his waist. I hadn’t gotten very far when I all but heard the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions, his lips freezing in place.

He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving.

“Be reasonable, Bella.”

“Edward, I –. “ He had cut me off, placing a single finger over my lips to quiet me.

“No.” His face was hard.

I was surprised by my reaction to his dismissal. I raised my hand to swat at his. My action didn’t move him, of course, but he moved his hand from my mouth in response. “You are not going to shush me,” I said sternly. “We’re here discussing terms of an eternity together – marriage and other promises – but sex?” I said the word louder than the rest. “Edward, why can’t we talk about sex?”

He was frozen there, hands at his side, eyes locked on mine. I felt the charge of adrenaline passing quicker than it had come. We sat there for a moment in silence with only my quick breathing and rapid pulse as audio. I shifted my gaze down as the rush subsided. It took me a minute to recognize why I was staring at my freckle again, the blush returning – why my stomach felt uneasy, why there was too much moisture in my eyes, why I suddenly wanted to run from the room.

Rejection washed through me, instinctive and strong.

I knew it was irrational. He’d been very clear on other occasions that my safety was the only factor. Yet I’d never made myself quite so vulnerable before. It was hard to beg for the mercy of an angel.

Edward moved then, bringing his hand up to my chin to pull my face up until I had to look at him again. He scrutinized my face for a long moment while I tried unsuccessfully to twist away from his gaze. His brow furrowed, and his expression became horrified as I continued to fight off the onslaught of water in my eyes.

His other hand rushed to my cheek, his thumb stroking there reassuringly. “You know why I have to say no,” he murmured. “You know that I want you, too.”

“Do you?” I whispered, my voice full of accusation and doubt.

He held my face at my jaw now, his fingers on my neck at the base of my hair. “Of course I do, you beautiful, oversensitive girl.” He laughed once, and then his voice was bleak. “Doesn’t everyone? I feel like there’s a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You’re too desirable for your own good.”

It seemed like he wanted to press on, anxiety flooding him as it had me throughout the day. I took a breath.

“Tell me if I have anything wrong,” I tried to sound detached. “Your demands are marriage, college, more time, and a faster car.”

“Only the first is a demand,” he said taking a breath. “The others are merely requests.”

“And my lone, solitary demand is – “

“Demand?” he interrupted, on edge again.

“Yes, demand.” I said confidently, looping my fingers around his wrists and tugging until he dropped them. I was not going to concede, now that I knew he wanted this as badly as I did. I would have to be brave for the both of us. I kept my gaze locked on his, placing a hand on his chest to request more space between us.

Edward immediately responded, backing up slightly and resting on his knees with room in front of him. Without breaking the contact we had, I slid down so that we were both on our knees. I brought both hands to the collar of his shirt and began to unbutton slowly, never moving my eyes from his.

“Please,” I begged. “There is nothing I want more than you.”

He took a deep breath. I was surprised that it sounded a little unsteady.

“I could kill you,” he whispered.

I had the last button undone then and slid the fabric from his shoulders to the floor. I was gliding my hands down his chest and placing my lips over his heart when I murmured against his skin. “I don’t think you could.”

As I kissed him there, a low sound escaped his lips. A moan? My body ached in a way it never had. I felt electrified. My heart jolted, words tumbling out of my mouth to take advantage of the sudden uncertainty in his eyes. “Please, try,” I pleaded.

His hands were wrapped around my biceps then, his head bent down to bring his lips to my ear, making me shiver. “This is unbearable. So many things I’ve wanted to give you – and this is what you demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, refusing you when you plead with me this way?”

“Then don’t refuse,” I suggested breathlessly.

He didn’t respond. I tossed my head back to catch my breath, letting my hair fall down behind me. Edward’s hands still held my arms firmly. “Please,” I tried again.

He bent his head to my neck. “Bella…” He shook his head slowly, but it didn’t feel like denial as his face, his lips, moved back and forth across my throat. It felt more like surrender. My heart sputtered frantically when his lips finally stopped to embrace my skin. The same low sound spilled from my lips now, which seemed to hit Edward with the same electrical shock.

His grip tensed instantly and I was sure he was going to push me away again.

I was wrong.

His lips were on mine, his hands pulling me up to close the space between us. His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. When his hands moved into my hair, I locked my arms around his neck, tightening my hold on him. To my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.

He didn’t stop kissing me. I was the one who had to break away, gasping for air. Even then his lips did not leave my skin, they just moved to my throat. So quickly that I wasn’t even sure how it happened, I was in his arms, his lips still exploring my skin, as we nearly flew through the house. Human velocity was not fast enough for him. We were in his bedroom then, still locked in each other’s arms as he fell onto his back on the bed.

The thrill of victory was a strange high; it made me feel powerful. Brave. My hands weren’t unsteady now and my fingers traced the patterns I had dreamed of a thousand times. He was too beautiful. What was the word he had used? Unbearable – that was it. His beauty was too much to bear…

I was on top of him, our lips pulled together again and moving in heated sync. Edward’s hands were exploring my body. His hands were tight around my waist, straining me closer to him. All I wanted was my skin to be bare against his – his grip made it difficult to reach to remove my sweater, but not impossible. Just as I had my stomach exposed, cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.

His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Stop trying to take your clothes off.”

“Do you want to do that part?” I asked breathlessly.

“Not tonight,” he answered softly. His lips were slower now against my cheek and jaw, all the urgency gone.

“Edward, don’t –,” I started to argue, trying to free my hands and arching my body to mold myself more closely to him.

“I’m not saying no,” he reassured me. “I’m just saying not tonight.”

I had never felt frustration this way before. I was restless, eyes wild and questioning on his.

“I wasn’t born yesterday,” he laughed. “Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won’t go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore… you first.”

I exhaled with a loud huff. “I have to marry you first?” I asked in disbelief.

“That’s the deal – take it or leave it. A compromise.” Edward pressed himself to me, urging me to accept his terms. His arms wrapped around me, and he began kissing me in a way that should be illegal. Too persuasive – it was duress, coercion. I tried to keep a clear head… and failed quickly and absolutely.

“How did this happen?” I moaned, and not in a good way. “I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden – “

“You’re engaged,” he finished.

“Edward, no.” I objected.

“Are you going back on your word?” he demanded. He pulled back to read my face. His expression was entertained. He was having fun.

I glared at him, trying to ignore the way his smile made my heart react.

“Are you?” he pressed.

“No,” I groaned. “No. I’m not. I just need time to think. I can’t think right now – give me some time to think.”

He kissed me again quickly. Another too persuasive kiss.

“Take all the time you need.”

He kissed me another time. “Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?” he laughed. “Traditionally, shouldn’t you be arguing my side, and I yours?”

“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.”

Neither of us would surrender in this moment – that was clear. But there were compromises that were pending on the horizon. And, if nothing, I had this night to service my fantasies for awhile. I bit my lip and chuckled.

“I’m curious,” I sighed. “What exactly did you have planned for tonight?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he was up and out of the bed, a hand extended toward me.

I let out my last sigh of contest and threw my hands down on the bed to heave myself up. Edward laughed to himself as I slid to the edge of the bed and stood. I fidgeted in my sweater and straightened my skirt as I walked toward him. I took his hand and noticed him taking in my figure again.

I raised a brow. “Did you want to get back in bed?”

Edward chuckled again, shaking his head. “No, but please do remind me to thank Alice in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes as he led me from his bedroom and into the rest of our romantic evening alone.

PART TWO

 ____

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Twilight Saga world, which is trademarked by Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown Books. All characters referenced are owned by Stephenie Meyer, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the Twilight Saga. The story told here is of my own invention. This story is for entertainment only – fun – and is not part of the official story line. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for the creation of these characters and I in no way am profiting from the creation and publication of this story. Some lines are directly quoted from Meyer’s book, Eclipse, and I do not claim to own Meyer’s words.

References:

Meyer, Stephenie. Eclipse. Little, Brown, 2013.

Tennyson, Alfred Tennyson, and W. E. Williams. Tennyson: Poems. Penguin, 1985.

Werewolves and Why I Love Them

So, hi, my name is Tali and I’m a werewolf addict.

I’ve been pretty much obsessed with werewolves since right around the time I turned twelve. The entirety of Teen Wolf aside, I’ve loved them for years. I wrote my first novel about them. I dream about them regularly (like two days ago, for instance). The majority of my original fiction is about werewolves.

For the longest time I honestly didn’t understand why I loved them so much. I mean sure, I’m in love with nighttime and am fucking entranced by full moons. I guess that helps. But it always felt like so much more than that, to the point that I used to wish desperately that I would find out I was a secret werewolf and just hadn’t changed yet, in the same way other kids wished they had magic powers. My husband and I joke pretty often about how I’m just a lil more wolfy than is probably normal. Or catlike, we can never decide.

There’s a reason for that, that I’ve found makes so much fucking sense???

I’m neurodivergent. Specifically, I have ADHD. I’ve always had it, bc that’s how it works, but you’d be surprised at how much elementary school’s strict structuring and constant supervision can keep a people-pleasing, terrified of rejection, neurodivergent kid under control. I masked most of my symptoms and I masked them well. Even at home, to the point that although I was diagnosed really young, my mother was insistent that I had no need for medication or therapy to help me deal with the altered development of my brain.

Then came middle school and my rebellious stage, where I finally stopped acting the way other people wanted me to act. Boom. ADHD symptoms galore, and my mother was flabbergasted. I was about Twelve.

Cue the werewolf obsession.

It was only once I started learning about all the symptoms I’d just assumed everybody was dealing with and figured out how to examine the ways that my neurological disorder effected my life, that it all started to make so much more sense.

Dude, werewolves are basically hyped up embodiments of ADHD.

Now, do not misinterpret me. I’m not comparing ADHD people to dogs or animals of any kind. That’s not what this is about.

This is about werewolves being almost painfully realistic representations of many ADHD symptoms from inside the ADHD person’s head.

You see ADHD people onscreen rarely, and usually when they show up they’re presented in much the same way Stiles is in the first episode. Jumpy, Distracted, Hyperactive, Addicted to meds. It sucks. And even when there is good representation, what the audience sees is almost always the neurotypical point of view rather than the pov of the actual ADHD person. You see them doing things for seemingly no reason, reacting to nothing or getting worked up over tiny things. Even the good rep doesn’t really encapsulate what it’s like to be inside that person’s head.

In my experience, werewolves get that shit right, even though it’s on accident.

There are so many things we relate to werewolves that actually express ADHD symptoms incredibly well.

Noticing sounds that other people can’t hear. (The buzz of a lightbulb or the hum of the fridge)

Getting hopeless distracted by other people’s conversations, even if they’re all the way across the room, just because you latched onto their voice.

Having strong reactions to scents and tastes and textures, that leave you nauseous around certain foods and keep you from being able to walk through the chemical aisle at Wal-mart (or is that just me?).

Impulsivity that makes you do things even you can’t fully understand, including things that you didn’t actually want to do.

Emotions that run so high you don’t know what to do with yourself.

That constant buzzing under the skin that says be more do more be more do more until you just want to run until you exhaust yourself.

Zoning out and losing literally all sense of time, occasionally with a bout of memory loss.

Constantly being on guard in public and adjusting everything from your behavior to your personality just so you can seem “normal.” Until it’s like you’re two different people.

Being unable to properly express yourself with words and it getting so fucking frustrating that you want to just growl and bite and scream (howl) to make them back off until you can think again.

Having things about yourself that some people call gifts but that others call a curse and not knowing which one to believe.

Right down to routines (wolves are on a monthly routine) and meditation or focal points (anchors) being the only way to deal with the sensory overload and calm yourself down.

Lots of ADHD people I know are really tactile. It makes perfect sense. Touch releases happy chemicals and we are perpetually lacking the happy chemicals. I myself love tactility, if only from literally one person. The concept of “puppy piles” is so fucking nice I can’t even describe it. It gives me a fucking serotonin high just thinking about it.

The reassurance that the concept of “packs” brings, a community of people just like you who accept you and let you be yourself? People who will accommodate you without blaming you for making their lives more difficult? That is so much harder to find than you think, even amongst other neurodivergent people.

Not to mention, when a werewolf freaks out about the loud noise or jumps at the slam of a door across the house? People just accept it. No one questions it, cus’ “They’re a werewolf.”

Werewolf shows or books or fanfic show a werewolf acting in a way that ‘normal’ people would find incredibly weird, but from their point of view. They let the audience hear the noise that made the wolf react. They alter the lens (sometimes really badly) so that you get a visual representation of the wolf’s vision tunneling so they only think about that one thing right now and none of the rest of the world matters.

No calling them ‘obsessed’ or ‘sensitive’ or ‘paranoid.’ No viewing them as ‘That annoying character who freaks out at nothing.’ Now the audience can see the cacophany of having that mindset and those feelings. They actually understand.

When I read about werewolves, I feel like I’m reading my own fucking thoughts. Yes, my dude, I totally feel you. The squeak of that person’s brakes might not bother anyone else because they can tune it out, but you can’t and it feels like the loudest sound in the world. No one else can smell that scent on the bed or the couch from like three weeks ago, but by god it’ll give you a fucking headache when you’re trying to sleep. Running off all that energy must be nice. I too lose my temper at the tiniest things for no discernible reason and have feelings so intense that I can’t breathe. I feel you about there being too much going on all the time, and I can’t get my homework done either.

It’s no fucking wonder that Stiles fits in so well with werewolves.

For ages I thought I was a total freak for being so obsessed with werewolves, but it’s just because I relate to them so damn much. Mystery solved, I can go back to my fanfic in peace.

Tldr; Werewolves are good ADHD rep and you won’t change my mind.

I’m bored so I’ll just answer all of these

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate 

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Neither

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? literally a conversation I had with my 2nd Grade Teacher 

Teacher “Kayla, you talk back to much”

Kayla “I do not Talk Back!”

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Soda Bottles 

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Tomboy Preppy Boho Goth?

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows? Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Dance

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Coffee and cereal or a granola bar or toast

12. name of your favorite playlist? The Witching Hour, or my Island Life Playlist

13. lanyard or key ring? Lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Twizzles or Red Vines

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Of Mice and Men

16. most comfortable position to sit in? With my legs to the side or crossed under me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? My sketchers

18. ideal weather? Overcast but warm with no wind or snow maybe a tiny bit of rain and some fog!

19. sleeping position? on my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? PC

21. obsession from childhood? I Dream of Jeannie and The Nanny

22. role model? Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Carol Burnett, Carrie Fisher, 

23. strange habits? None that I can think of.

24. favorite crystal? Rose Quartz and Onyx 

25. first song you remember hearing? Walkin on Broken Glass

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Drink at a patio bar

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Drink by a fire

28. five songs to describe you? Different Drum by the stone ponies 

29. best way to bond with you? Over Middle Aged Actresses and Fictional Characters

30. places that you find sacred? My Grandma’s Rose Garden Growing up, Disneyland

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Dock Martins, Dark Blue Jeans, Black Off the Shoulder loose fit Tee

32. top five favorite vines? Red?

33. most used phrase in your phone? IDK literally 

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Thankfully I don’t have any

35. average time you fall asleep? Around Midnight

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? I honestly have no clue. Maybe the Star trek Engage photo?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase (But it really depends on the trip)

38. lemonade or tea? Both Arnold Palmer!!!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon Cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? It was so long ago I really can’t remember anything weird happening to me

41. last person you texted? My Dad

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Pant Pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Fake Leather Jacket

44. favorite scent for soap? Pumpkin

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? If It’s Comedic I’ll Love whatever

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Birthday suit

47. favorite type of cheese? Colby Jack?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I have no Idea but Apples are my favorite so I’ll go with that

49. what saying or quote do you live by? If you don’t like something do something about it

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? My mom’s Flip Flop breaking at the movie theater and her trying to get out to the car. OMG even just that little summer I’m crying from laughing at the memory 

51. current stresses? Money, Covid, Politics, the world, anything and everything

52. favorite font? Open Dyslexic

53. what is the current state of your hands? Sad, dry, Scratched 

54. what did you learn from your first job? you might get free food sometimes

55. favorite fairy tale? 

56. favorite tradition? watching shows with my family on Wednesdays 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? I don’t think I’ve overcome anything

58. four talents you’re proud of having? I’m really good at cutting men’s hair, I think I’m quite good at making gifs, I think I’m pretty good at writing (it’s something I’m working on) I can Quote Both Addams Family movies in their entirety just from hearing the musical score

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Tits

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Like Sailor Moon?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? “Ain’t no bitches gonna hunt no ghosts”

62. seven characters you relate to? Liz Lemon, Elaine Benes, Lavinia Dickinson, Zelda Spellman, Barbara Minerva, Shirley Feeney, Jillian Holtzmann

63. five songs that would play in your club? My heart will go on (Remix by the Math Club), Dreams by deep Dish Feat Stevie Nicks, Doin it right by Daft Punk, Shake Senora Feat T-Pain & Sean Paul, April Showers By Proleter

64. favorite website from your childhood? Pixie Hollow (online game) BTW “Website from my childhood” Is very limited we didn’t have internet until I was like 10ish

65. any permanent scars? I have a scar under my right eyebrow from Chicken Pox

66. favorite flower(s)? Poppies and Roses

67. good luck charms? I don’t have any

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? I hate fish but also just meat in general 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Carley Simon had terrible stage fright and couldn’t preform in front of audiences. I’m pretty sure that’s a true statement. 

70. left or right handed? Right

71. least favorite pattern? Abuse?

72. worst subject? Men and Hetero Shit

73. favorite weird flavor combo? I’m not one for weird Flavor Combos 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 2... I don’t fuck around. I try and get ahead of the pain

75. when did you lose your first tooth? I have no Idea

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Fries, Skillet, and Whorehouse

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? succulent? 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Coffee from the Gas station 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? School ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Earth Tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? Lightning Bugs

82. pc or console? PC

83. writing or drawing? Writing 

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket? Polly Pocket

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes? Cookies 

87. your greatest fear? Caves, Mines, and the Ocean

88. your greatest wish? To be a writer

89. who would you put before everyone else? My siblings

90. luckiest mistake? Quitting Homeadvisor

91. boxes or bags? Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy Lights

93. nicknames? Punkin, Kayla Bean, KP, Pain

94. favorite season? Autumn 

95. favorite app on your phone? Tumblr and Instagram

96. desktop background? 

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? 2 (My mom’s and my dad’s)

98. favorite historical era? 1930s and 1940s

Halo!!! I dont know your inbox is still open, but could I have a request please? Maybe Poly!Junkers harboring a crush and then dating reader who is really quiet around strangers but tends to liven up around people when theu gain their trust? I just love those two smelly bois! Also, I really like your writing and blog! Thank you!!

You sure can! Here you go:

“The Quiet One” 

SFW

Pairing: Poly!Junkers x Reader

Words: 2,008                                                                                                                     

                                             *~*~*~*~*

Prologue

Overwatch Headquarters: Cafeteria. 2076. Valentine’s Day.

The headquarters cafeteria was decorated in red, pink, and white. Paper maché hearts covered the walls. It was like someone hired an elementary school to decorate the room. Ironically, the entire Overwatch team made the décor. Jack’s orders.

“Ah, the day of romance.” Junkrat sighed as he dropped his food tray on a table beside his crime partner Roadhog. “This is the best time to hit the jewelry stores, mate! Let’s say we get us some diamonds after today’s mission. What do you say, Hog?”

Junkrat noticed Hog hasn’t touched any of his food. He snatched a heart-shaped cookie and followed his partner’s gaze towards the lone eater on the other side of the cafeteria: You. Hog let out a longing sigh.

“Rat,” Hog called out.

“Yeah?” Junkrat answered.

Hog took out a pink envelope from his pocket and gave it to Junkrat. “Could you do me a favor—”

“Wait a minute!” Junkrat sniffed the envelope and gagged. The giant wave of roses rushed through his nostrils. “Are you kidding me? You want me to send a love letter to the Quiet One?”

That’s what everybody in Overwatch called you. You barely spoke to anyone except during meetings. You were a scientist, Winston’s assistant. The people you’ve spoken to the most were Winston, Angela, and Mei. The Junkers tried to talk to you before. You would say a sentence or two before shying away into your lab.

“Please do this for me?” Roadhog pleaded. Junkrat’s eyes widen. He has never seen the Hog act so vulnerable about anyone before.

“Can’t do that, mate,” Junkrat said, crossing his arms with a sinister smirk.

“Why not?” Hog huffed.

Junkrat pulled out a crumpled envelope from his shorts. It had little heart doodles drawn over them. Unlike Hog’s envelope, it smelled like an auto shop.

“Because I’m going to give the Quiet One a love note first!” Rat said triumphantly. He jumped onto the table and started table-hopping towards your direction.

Roadhog growled. “Oh no you don’t, you little—”

Roadhog chased after Junkrat. People saw the big man storming the cafeteria, swinging his hook, and leaped out of the way.

What on Earth?

You looked up from scribbling scientific notes. Junkrat was jumping on tables towards you with his behemoth friend Roadhog running behind, trying to catch him with his hook. You instantly gathered all your books and binders from the table. Unfortunately, you didn’t save your homemade lunch on time.

“NO!” Roadhog grabbed Junkrat as soon as he landed on your table, slamming his face on your lunch. Hog looked at you and immediately wiped Junkrat’s face with a napkin. You hid your smile behind your binders.

“Sorry,” Hog apologized.

You waved your hands at him. “It’s okay, Mr. Rutledge! I—

“Roadhog here wanted to give a love note!” Junkrat shouted loud enough for the whole cafeteria could hear.

Roadhog grabbed Rat’s throat. “Would you shut up!?”

Junkrat only laughed and shoved his motor-oil scented envelope towards your face. “For you, darl! Take it and run!”

“No! Take mine!” Hog offered his pink envelope to you.

You quietly took both envelopes. “Th-thank you.” You whispered.

You didn’t think in a hundred years both of your Junker crushes would pass you love notes on Valentine’s Day. And to think you had to choose one of them to offer your V-Day note. Now, this was your chance.

“Here.” You gave the Junkers two heart-shaped notes. Both, written in gold ink, said:

I like you. Do you like me too? –(Y/N)

All eyes were on you. You couldn’t take the attention anymore. You scampered out of the cafeteria before the Junkers could say anything.

“Looks like we didn’t need to fight at all.” Junkrat laughed. Both Rat and Hog flipped the hearts over. You left them your phone number and private e-mail address.

                                               *~*~*~*~*~*

 Present Day

Your Apartment. 2078. Valentine’s Day.

“You think we’re going to have another indoor date?” Junkrat asked as he set up a romantic dinner in the middle of the living room floor.

Roadhog sighed. “No, we’re going out.”

“Really?” Junkrat blew the fire out from the candlelit dinner. “You know our Quiet One is not quite the people person.”

Roadhog chuckled behind his mask. “Give it time.”

You came out to the living room wearing a long winter coat. The Junkers stared at you curiously.

“Ready to go?” You asked your boyfriends. Junkrat sauntered towards you.

“What you got under there, lovely?” He purred. You backed away from him with a smile.

“No peeking until we get to the bar.”

Junkrat whimpered. “Just a little pee—”

“To the door, Rat.” Hog barked.

“Fine, fine.” Junkrat opened the front door for you. You stopped midway. A faint burning scent danced around your nostrils.

“Rat, did you leave the oven on again?” You asked.

Junkrat giggled. “I forgot about my brownies. Give me a sec. I’ll meet you and Hog down at the parking lot.” Junkrat rushed to the kitchen, cackling.

You rolled your eyes and smiled. “I’m so glad he hasn’t burned down the apartment yet.” You sighed.

Roadhog gently grabbed your hand. “Me too. We don’t need another damn landlord suing him.”

                                        *~*~*~*~*~*

Some folks from Headquarters invited you and the Junkers to a couples’ night out at a Japanese karaoke bar. You always passed the place on your way to and fro from work. It wasn’t your kind of hangout, too noisy. However, it was going to be different since you had new friends along with you. 

“Oi, you’re here! You’re actually here!” Lena, also known as the famous Tracer, ran to you before you could say hi. “I know we don’t see each other much. Do you remember me?”

You shyly nodded. You’ve seen her frequently coming in and out of Winston’s office. She always needed some fixing with the complex piece strapped into her chest.

“Let me take you to the crew,” Lena said. She turned to the Junkers. “Do you mind?”

Roadhog waved his humongous hand. “No problem. Rat and I have to go to the restroom.”

“Do we?” Junkrat asked innocently. His face and hair were covered with soot. Apparently, he almost lost his battle saving his brownies from the oven. Roadhog silently dragged Rat to the little boys’ room.

You took a deep breath. This was your chance to be more social. You’ve been working for Overwatch for four years now. It’s about time to spread your social butterfly wings.

You’ve been watching your co-workers from afar. They’re great people. Thank God, it’s nothing like high school. Your first two years sucked big time. Fortunately, your GPA back then helped you graduate two years early.

You shook the awful, awkward high school memories out of your mind as Lena guided you through the raucous bar. Your stomach rumbled as you spotted a couple playfully feeding ramen to each other. You were definitely ordering a big bowl for yourself as you soon as you get settled.

“Here we are, love!” Lena pushed through a beaded curtain and lead inside a private VIP room. You first laid eyes upon a mysterious red-headed woman. She was in the middle of stuffing sushi into her mouth. She turned to you and waved. 

The cowboy McCree was sitting on a pile of lounge cushions. His arm was wrapped around a Japanese man you’ve seen every blue moon at Headquarters. McCree whispered something into the man’s ear, and the man burst out laughing, blushing too.

“Hello there,” McCree greeted. “It’s about time you came out of the fox’s den.”

Lena grabbed your hand and lead you closer to McCree. “(Y/N), you know McCree, right? This is his boyfriend, Hanzo.”

Hanzo cleared his throat. “Partner.” He shook your hand. “It’s a pleasure.”

“Partner? Really?” McCree whined as he pulled Hanzo back into the cushions. “We’re more than partners, Bud.”

“Hello.” Someone squeaked behind you. It was the redhead again. She was more gorgeous up close.

“Oh, how could I forget?” Lena groaned. “This is the love of my life, Emily!”

“Nice to meet you.” You said.

“You too,” Emily shook your hand. “Lena told me so much about you. How did you end up dating—”

“We have arrived!” Junkrat announced as he leaped into the room. He gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “Hello, love! Getting along with everybody, I hope?”

Roadhog soon followed and spotted the sumptuous Japanese cuisine displayed on the table. “Is this for me?” He sat down and started eating.

“My California rolls…” McCree groaned.

“Don’t worry, we’ll order more. It’s on me.” Lena chirped.

“You mean, it’s on Jack’s tab.” Emily corrected.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. He’ll understand!”

You giggled as you imagined Jack staring at his bank statement with confusion at the hefty bill from a karaoke bar.

You spotted a coat hanger behind you. It was getting hot. It was time you finally removed your coat. Roadhog rushed over to your side as if he read your mind.

“Let me.” He said. You watched his large fingers as he helped you out of your coat. You heard him gasp. Luckily, no one else heard it.

“What’s wrong?” You turned to him and smiled. You stood before your surprised lover wearing a tight sangria-colored turtleneck dress. You wanted to wear something sensual but nothing too risqué.

“Hooley Dooley.” Junkrat gasped behind you.

You pretended it was nothing and shrugged your shoulders. “It’s just a simple dress. I had it in my closet for a while. You haven’t noticed?”

Honestly, you ordered the dress online a week ago. Many reviewers said wearing the dress gave them more attention from their lovers. Some even got laid for it. You had no plans for sex (yet), but you did have in mind a little extra friskiness from the Junkers.

“Where’s the karaoke machine?” You asked, trying to break the Junkers’ attention away from you for a second.

“It’s in the next room,” Emily said.

You tiptoed over to the conjoining room and moved the beaded curtain aside. A microphone stood in a center surrounded by more lounge cushions. A tiny mini bar stood in a corner. A J-Pop band danced on the television with the English lyrics appearing on the bottom of the screen.

“Do you sing, (Y/N)?” Lena asked you.

“I’ll try.” You replied.

Behind Lena, you noticed the Junkers were still gawking at you. You gave them a flirty wink, and they acted like they were going to keel over.

The Junkers were overall pleased you were willing to go out and open yourself to more people. They’ve never seen such progress since the three of you started dating two years ago.  They watched you proudly as you shared your adventure stories traveling with Winston around the world.

You spoke little Japanese to Hanzo (which was a big surprise). You were stationed in Osaka for four months for a scientific expedition. You had to learn the basics to get around.

                                          *~*~*~*~*~*

 After the night was over, Roadhog carried your sleepy self to the bedroom. It was 2:32am. You were tired as all get out. Surprisingly, Junkrat was still full of energy, even though he had too many sake bombs to drink.

“Let’s sing another song!” Junkrat begged Roadhog.

“Shh!” Hog covered Rat’s entire face with his hand. “(Y/N) is tired.”

You only moaned and rolled around on the bed. “Could one of you guys tuck me in?” You asked the Junkers. “One of you can take the dress off.”

Junkrat let out a high-pitched gasp. You chuckled. Where did the heck did that noise come from?

Junkrat hopped into the bed with you and roamed his hands all over your body. “Come here, darl!”

“No, Rat, I get to do it!” Roadhog yelled as he yanked the Rat out of the bed. You could only laugh as the two argued over you and pulled on your dress.

What a way to end Valentine’s Day and a new chapter to your budding social life.

                                                      END

The Middle of the Road (Chapter 16)

Chapter 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8 , 9, 10, 11 , 12,  13  14 , 15

Warnings: None

September 2024 – Toronto Emily and Keanu flopped down on the bed in their room at the apartment they were renting in Toronto for the week of The Toronto International Film Festival. They had just arrived from LA and were travel weary. He had just had his 60th birthday and would be receiving a Tribute award at the festival, a great honour for any film maker but an especially treasured one for Keanu who had grown up in the city. He remembered when the festival used to take place in his neighbourhood of Yorkville in the late 70s so the whole event was very close to his heart.

The whole family had decamped from LA including their Nanny Maria which would enable them to attend the evening events as well as do some promotion.  Keanu had done voice work in a film being premiered there which had a U certificate so they would all attend the afternoon screening. They were taking a bit of a risk with Hannah but Emily or the nanny would be able to take her or Johnny out if either of them got unsettled.

 After they had rested up a bit, they all went out to a local Italian restaurant around the corner from the apartment and enjoyed a simple relatively quick meal before getting the babies back home to bed.  The next morning found Keanu and Emily enjoying some free time looking around his old haunts – he’d shown her his home in Yorkville, his elementary  school, ice hockey stadium, the Leah Poslun Theatre and the location of his first kiss!

 “Right there?”? Emily was pointing with an aghast expression on her face at a dingy alley behind a bike rack at the back of an old Walgreens store.

 “Yup – I know. I’ve got a bit classier in my old age I hope you agree.”

 “And what was her name?”

 “Angela”

 “Now THAT is a 70s name if ever I heard one. I guess at least your name is just totally unique and not linked to an era like some”

 “She was sweet – but not long lasting!”  Anyway, I think that is the complete high, and low, lights for you. We better get back and get  some lunch before this afternoon’s shenanigans”  He was referring to the premiere of his film which was an afternoon affair so kids could attend. Some local children would attend as well as press and the stars and their families. Johnny and Hannah would be there – with the exit strategy of mum or nanny if it was too much. They had watched films at home and had quite good attention spans but Hannah had only been in a movie theatre once and so was a bit if an unknown quantity behaviour wise.

It was also to be their first red carpet as a family. They had kept the children well shielded so far but, accepting that  complete privacy wasn’t realistic, they had decided to attend this premiere all together. They all dressed in smart casual clothes rather than the suits and ballgown style of Oscars and that was needed given they would have the kids next to them snacking on ice cream! The press and fans were enthralled with the kids, both dark haired and with big brown eyes strongly favouring Keanu but with the delicacy of Emily’s features. After letting her walk on wobbly legs for a little while, Keanu scooped Hannah up and carried her while Emily walked with Jonathan and Marie brought the buggy and a change bag just in case. Hannah loved waving at everyone and fans called her name which made her laugh. Johnny joined in with waving too, sensing that this was something special but not really at all clear what. It was going to be a while before they understood that their Dad wasn’t just special to them!

The kids enjoyed the film and made it through the whole hour and half without a melt down to everyone’s relief.

That evening Emily and Keanu appeared on a panel about a project they were working on together. There were inevitable questions about how husband and wife could work together which they fended off deftly  - working together was after-all how they met and it felt easy compared to parenting and they were glad to keep the topic work focussed.  In the next couple of days they each took part in other promo for their work and had a meal out, just the two of them.  There they talked about the award show that would be the following night.

                                                            “You nervous?” Emily asked as she sipped her coffee.

“Am I ever!” He groaned. “All that intention is intense – I’m used to parts of it – the red carpet, the photos, being filmed in the audience, even being on stage handing out awards or receiving a less significant gong but such focus, and a speech – phew, it’s crazy”

“It’s what you deserve honey, you know that inside don’t you”

 He shook his head,

 “It’s an honour, such an honour but, no,  I don’t know it – it just feels surreal”

 “Well just try to enjoy it if you can, hun – OK?, Want to run through the speech back at the apartment?”

 “Sure, that would be great to have a writer’s input”

 The award day came and they passed as much of it as they could focussing on the kids, taking them to one of the lakeside beaches for playtime and a picnic but eventually time came for the ‘dressing up game’  as Keanu called it. Both of them would spend a few hours being “made beautiful” for the cameras with stylists primping and polishing their hair, clothes and make up to within an inch of their lives. They left the children with Maria and they would tune in later to see Mommy and Daddy on the TV walking the red carpet.

Emily was wearing a stunning sleeveless, full length taffeta gown in red and her birthday necklace to match her ruby engagement ring and Keanu was in the tux he’d worn to the 2020 Oscars.  Emily’s palms were sweaty even before they left to go to the theatre. She’d attended public occasions before where there were paparazzi but only one awards show about 4 years ago so she was nervous of the attention, especially as the news of their marriage was still quite fresh.

As they climbed out of the car, Keanu whispered in her ear  “Just imagine everyone naked”  before they started to make their way up the red carpet, making her giggle and relax just a little.

“I feel like the wives in Apollo 13, if they ask me anything. I’ll just say “I’m proud, happy and thrilled”

“Are you likening me getting an award to going to the moon or a life-threatening mission?!”

“the former for you and maybe the latter for me!”

At first she held Keanu’s arm in a death grip but gradually she relaxed especially as she saw the smiling faces in the crowd and she saw Keanu relax too, signing photos, DVDs and books and posing for photos. Several fans encouraged her to pose alongside him, surprising her.  It seemed some people were happy to see him happy with his marriage and kids and thus welcomed her with open arms.

There were a few reporters on the red carpet who stopped them for a few words. Keanu made her laugh, though she tried to hold it in, when he responded to the question of how he was feeling to be receiving the Tribute Award.

“Well I’m proud, happy and thrilled” he said, giving Emily a wink which made the laughter bubble to the surface. They moved on and at last made it into the auditorium and were shown to their seats.

There were several other awards before his but at last it was time for his big moment.

The presentation started with a show reel with clips from his most famous movies as well as some of his lesser known early ones which made him blush. He leaned over and whispered to Emily

“At least they’re not showing the Coke and cornflakes ads!”

After the reel, there were some video clips from some of his directors and co-stars praising – his work, his character and his work ethic. There was Chad Stahelski, Sandy Bullock, Carrie-Ann Moss and Lilly Wachowski. Then it was time for the award  itself which Lana Wachowski presented. As he walked up to the stage, the whole auditorium stood, clapping and cheering. He was right, Emily thought, this was really overwhelming! She dabbed a tear away as he took his place at the podium and took a moment to let the applause fade.

“Firstly let me say a huge thank you for this great, great honour  - to receive this in the city where I spent my formative years is really very special so thank you.”

More applause erupted then quickly subsided allowing him to continue.

“I owe this award to many other people  - first and foremost,  I’d like to pay tribute to my mom for believing in me all those years ago when I asked her one day, would it be ok if I was an actor and  she simply said ‘whatever you want son’.

And thanks must also go of course to the teachers and directors at the schools where I did plays and at the Leah Posluns Theatre where I really began to learn my craft-  thank you for lighting the fire.

Looking back, the reel you showed just now only served to remind me how much I love movies. And a key reason over the years for that love and indeed for much of my success has been the joy of collaboration when making them. Collaboration with many wonderful directors, actors, cinematographers, stunt coordinators, make-up artists, caterers, runners to name but a few is what I thrive on. And they have all made me look good.  And I know sometimes I’ve made my fellow actors look good too by how bad I was! Special thanks to Winona and Gary in that regard!

And I can’t forget the writers, for one thing my wife would never forgive me if I didn’t give them a mention.”

Keanu looked over and caught Emily’s eye as she sat in the front row beaning with pride.

“Writers have gifted me some amazing, memorable characters, some of them coming back time and again  like Ted, Neo and John Wick.  And I think special thanks are due for all the Johns, Johnny’s and Jacks and the quarterback punks that have been a recurring theme for me and such fun to play.

So I love movies and I love the opportunity they give me to tell stories.

But this year, as I hit a big milestone birthday,  I am in a new phase in my life and I’m planning on being focussed less on the stories in films and more on my own story.  Over the years, my fellow actors and the crews have been like family to me, a band of brothers and sisters if you will.  But 5 years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman and she became my family.  Then 2 years ago we became parents - and now there are 4 of us. And this year  I also became a husband - in all these things as you can probably tell I was a late starter!

So whilst I’m not retiring,  going forward I can’t and I don’t want to be the man who  is all work and no play.  I want to be with my beautiful  wife and my kids as they grow and play my part in guiding them in their lives, in their story.

And hopefully, I’ll bring the riches of that experience of being a parent and a husband to my future roles.

Thank you”

There was rapturous applause at this end to his speech and Emily found herself crying once again at his very public commitment to a more balanced life for them all going forward.

Keanu took his leave, heading back stage where there would be a few interviews to do before he could re-join Emily and head onto the after-party.  There was a brief break in proceedings and Emily made her way back stage to meet up with him.

Keanu was just taking his leave from one of the news teams  when he glimpsed Emily weaving her way between the throngs of stage hands, actors and publicists.

He headed in her direction and indicated a small alcove to the side to aim for. She reached it first and waited for him to join her, his progress being slowed by people stopping to congratulate him on his award and speech. When he finally got there, she threw he arms around his neck.

“That was, just, just”

“Wow  have I actually rendered you speechless?” he laughed.

“You didn’t share THAT part of the speech!”

“You mean the bit about marrying a wonderful woman and sharing my story with her?”

“yes that part, you sneaky devil, you made me cry”

“Happy tears I hope?”

“Yes!” she smiled planting a kiss on his smiling lips.

@penwieldingdreamer @fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @ladyreapermc @witty-wallflower @gatsbynouvel @bitchyslut99 @keanureevesisbae @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @kindainlovewithkeanu @paperplanesandwallflowers

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? I don’t what a familiar is or anything about witchcraft.

If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? I literally just described it in the previous survey I did, but it has Ralphie from A Christmas Story on it with a bar of soap in his mouth and says, “Oh, fudge”, which is a quote from the movie.

If it was possible to colonize any planet and you were the leader, which planet would you choose? I really wouldn’t want to be the leader of anything. I’m not fit for that.

Is there a piece of technology that you just can't live without? I mean, I’m pretty attached to my laptop and phone, but of course if for some reason I couldn’t have them I would survive, but it’d be really quite boring. I don’t have much to do.

Would you ever visit a ghost town? That would be interesting.

What's the last thing you ordered from the last fast food place you went to? Loaded potato wedges and 3 egg rolls from Jack in the Box.

Which natural disaster scares you the most? They all sound terrifying. I’ve never experienced one. What're your religious beliefs and why do you follow them? I’m a Christian. I believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins and is our Savior.

What do you think happens after you die? I believe in heaven and hell.

What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? That’s scary. I’ve had thoughts like that, though. Like a Truman Show scenario or that one day I’ll wake up and find out my whole life has been a dream.

What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Ugh, I HATED when jump scare things would go around. Like, people would disguise as a link for something else and then you click it and it’s some ugly, creepy looking girl screaming really loud. OH, and there was that one with the car that was driving down some winding road and you’re watching and waiting to see what the video is about and then bam! something pops up on the scream and scares you. Ughhh. Not cool. I’m such a jumpy person as it is already.

Is there anything bothering you right now? The usual stuff as always.

Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had a really creative one. They were pretty simple.

What song are you currently listening to and what song was the last you listened to? I’m not listening to music.

What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don’t have a calendar for this year at the moment.

If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? A fairy.

If you were an animal, which would you be? A dog.

Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I wasn’t, fortunately. It was something my parents worried about when I was in elementary school because I’m in a wheelchair, but honestly I never had any issues with anyone. The only bullying I receive is from myself on a regular basis. 

What do you remember most from being five years old? I have some vague, bits and pieces of memories from kindergarten. 

What do you remember most from being ten years old? I have some memories from 4th grade. My favorite teacher ever was my 4th grade teacher (who later ended up teaching 8th grade and I had him again) and I remember funny stuff he did and like how he read out loud to us books such as Matilda and he would the voices and made it fun for us. He also used to sing, and I remember one time he led all of us in a rendition of “I Want It That Way” by The Backstreet Boys lol. He was so cool. Oh, and he was known for doing “the robot” dance and miming. 

What do you remember most from being fifteen years old? Stuff from high school.

What does the last person you found attractive look like? Alexander Skarsgard is 6′4, has blonde hair, blue eyes, is very fit and in shape, and Swedish. He’s absolutely gorgeous.

Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Yes. I hold onto a lot of stuff that will sit in a box somewhere forever, but then if I get rid of something I’ll suddenly wish I still had it or have a need for it again.

What's one random city you want to visit? Seattle.

If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? Books. It would have a cafe, too.

If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don’t know, man. I have zero interest in gardening.

What's your favorite phase of the moon? I don’t have one.

What're your plans for today? I’ll attend my church’s livestream and then do the normal things I do everyday. 

What's the song for your life right now? I don’t know.

Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? Yes.

Who would you be the most excited to see? My grandparents. 

Have you lost or almost lost someone close to you to death this year? Not so far...  I don’t want to think about that.

Did you lose any of your friends this year and if so, how? I don’t have any friends to lose. 

Have you experienced anything new this year and if so, what? Not so far, but we’re only in January. 

Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? I’ve only read a few. 

Would you rather read the book or watch the movie? I love to read and I’m down to check out the movie.

Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? No.

Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? Nope.

Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? No.

Have you ever hugged a stranger you thought was someone else? No. Omg, that would be super embarrassing. I’ve waved to someone I thought was someone else, but never went so far as to hug someone I thought was someone else.  As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? No, not really.

If you could instantly know any language in the world, what would it be? I’d like to be fluent in Spanish.

This year, how many times have you been to the doctor? So far just once. I go once a month and we’re only in January. 

Do you have a library card and if so, do you use it often? Nope. I haven’t had a library card since I was in high school.

Do you like romcoms and if you do, which one is your favorite? Yeah, I’m a sucker for the romcoms. I have several favorites.

Thinking of your ex and the person you love, are they similar in any way at all? I don’t have a significant other or someone I’m interested in at the moment.

Is there something you currently want and/or need that you can’t have? Yes.

Thinking back to six weeks ago, were you happier then or are you happier now and why? Neither then or now. 

Who's the first male you can think of whose name begins with "T" and what can you tell me about him? Thomas, my maternal grandpa. He sadly passed away 10 years ago. Both of my maternal grandparents passed away. I was very close with both of them and losing them was very hard for me. I miss them both every single day. My grandpa was an amazing man. He was the best husband, father, and grandpa. He was hardworking. He provided well for his family. He was loving. He was so funny. He told the best stories. He was known for being a talker haha, he could go on and on for hours, but everyone always wanted to hear what he had to say. And sometimes he’d go off on tangents, but the stories always came for circle. He was just an incredible man, well loved and missed by many.

Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Yeah, “Feliz cumpleaños.” 

What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math was always my worst subject, I barely scraped by with Cs.

Should you be concentrating on something else instead of this survey? Nah. This is my nighttime routine.

Have you ever told someone that you loved them and they rejected you? I didn’t tell them I loved them, but I expressed my feelings for them and was rejected. Twice.

Do you know anyone else that's happened to? Yeah.

Is there anything you want to say to someone, but you can’t or won’t? Not at this time. What're your reasons for not saying it? --

Who's someone in the music industry you think is overrated? Taylor Swift. Don’t for me, Swifties. 

Who's the eleventh contact in your phone and when did you last see or speak to that person? I’m not checking. 

What’s your mother’s middle name? I’m not sharing that.

When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? I had some red velvet cake a few days ago.

Have you ever been told you were too good or not good enough for someone you loved? I had friends who said I was too good for Joseph. I wasn’t good enough, though.

Why do you think someone would say that to you? They didn’t like how he treated me and thought he was too immature.

If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? That was 8 years ago, I don’t see him ever saying that now...

Who was your first crush, how do you feel about that person now and do you still talk to them? My first crush was this kid Philip when I was in 3rd grade lol it was just some little crush, I was 9. He didn’t even know me.

Who was the last person that apologized to you and what was it for? I don’t recall.

So how're things going with the person you love? There’s no such person.

Are you "in love" with the last person you kissed? No. I moved on years ago.

Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I haven’t added a photo for any of my contacts.

Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I think it was my Nana. 

How many of your friends are sexually active?

To finish, is there anything you would like to say to someone? Sigh.

Do you think surveys are annoying? They can be sometimes, but I really do enjoy doing them. Clearly.

What career paths are you considering? I don’t know. :/

Do you watch music videos? I haven’t in a long time.

Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? No. I definitely don’t miss popup ads. 

What kind of computer are you using? Macbook Air.

What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I’m happy with this one.

Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? I didn’t see a doctor for it specifically, but yeah it was concerning. It’s still a problem I’m struggling with. 

How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? In the 60s F, I’d say. 

Do you eat things off the floor? Never.

Who do people say you look like? My mom.

Do you usually get your homework done on time? I’m done with school, but yeah I always got my homework done on time. I may have been a major procrastinator, but my work always got done.

Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? Not framed, but kept.

Do you have a digital camera? Nope.

Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? No. I’m afraid to plug in things that meant to go in there as it is.

What do you have anything scheduled for the 16th of this or next month? We’re past the 16th now, but no I didn’t have anything going on that day and I don’t have anything planned for that day next month either.

Can you sleep without any pillows? No. I can’t sleep flat, I have to be propped up.

Is there a color you refuse to wear? I don’t like to wear white.

Has anyone ever pulled a gun on you? No, but I am a victim of random gun violence. 

Are there any chairs in your bedroom? My chair. There’s an ottoman that could also be a chair as well.

How many pairs of shoes do you have? Like 6 or 7.

How much was the last item of clothing you bought? My total was $40 for 2 shirts, but I ordered online so there’s additional fees. 

Where's your father right now? He’s in his room asleep.

Do you skip breakfast often? Yeah.

How many days has it been since your last birthday? My birthday was 6 months ago.

Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Nah, at 31 years old I can’t imagine having another sibling. 

Would you make a good president or prime minister? Nope. I have no desire to be one.

Are you going out of the country soon and if so, where to? No. I don’t have any travel plans and who knows when I will at this point. :(

Do you ever feel like you want to get away from everything? Yeppp.

Do you need a haircut? I could use a trim.

When was the last time you went on a trampoline? Never.

Were you alone today? I’m alone right now in my room cause everyone else is asleep, but they’re here in the house. My dad is off today and will be home all day. My mom and brother have work, but they’ll be home at some point.

Who was the last person you saw today? The day isn’t over yet, it’s only 4:51AM, but I’m willing to bet my brother will be the last person I see cause he and I stay up late.

Witchy Then Vs. Now

I was SO inspired by the post by @hermeticimp​ regarding comparing the witchy things of our childhood to the witchy things we do now. I had to write a blog post about it!

Herbal Magic:

Then: I remember when I was a kid, maybe around age 5 or 7, I used to make rose water with my brother in the summertime. But not quite the way I would now! My mom had a few rose bushes in the front yard, and we would pick a bunch of roses and put them in a big bucket of water. Then, we’d roll up our pants and jump in the bucket (or for me, just jump in, as I was usually wearing dresses at that age) and start smashing the roses up with our bare feet! We called the rose water “magic perfume” and I remember wanting to keep some stored in a bottle but my mom always dumped it out when we were finished because playtime was over and it was dinnertime.

Now: I typically don’t even make rose water very often now, as I don’t usually have access to fresh rose petals. I love to use beauty products with rose water in them though, like Thayer’s brand alcohol-free witch hazel. Nowadays I usually use dried rose petals for spell bottles and for smoking herbal blends. My herbal witchcraft nowadays is mostly making tea blends, smoke blends, and of course as ingredients for spells. I’ve also made healing salves and oils with herbs over the years.

Crystal Magic:

Then: Inspired by my mother’s geological rock collection (she was a science teacher when I was a kid), I began collecting rocks when I was a young child, probably as young as 7. I have a lot of crystals that came from my mom’s collection, and as a kid, I remember taking out her rock collection boxes from the garage and placing them all over the living room so I could open them all up and look at the cool rocks inside. I remember reading about crystal healing in a book on home remedies that my mom gave me. I bookmarked so many pages in that book, most of them in the crystal healing section. I had one special crystal that I had found near my elementary school as a kid (but lost over time.. sad!) and I was convinced it was a magic crystal. I carried it with me all the time, I slept with it under my pillow, and I never completely knew what it was (maybe some kind of quartz?) but I felt that it enhanced my dreams and made them much more vivid.

Now: My crystal collection has multiplied... Significantly... (oops) I am definitely a crystal collector, and now I go out and find some of my own crystals as well. In fact, the huge chunk of serpentine in the image above is one that I found, and it’s roughly the size of my face! I love my crystals, and I make crystal grids as a part of my rituals and practice. Crystals are somehow always involved in my practice actually. I make wire wrap jewelry now with crystals also (check out Buffalo Wraps on Instagram) inspired by the healing properties of the crystals.

Astrology:

Then: When I was about 10, my grandma gave me this book. It was her original copy of Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs. It even has my grandmother’s signature on the inside cover. I was visiting my grandparents in New Zealand at the time, and didn’t have any other books with me for the trip that I can remember, so I spent my evenings in bed reading the section on How to Recognize a Libra. (I’m a Libra Sun, and that was all I knew about astrology at the time) As I finished the chapter on Libra, I was convinced there had to be something real to this tradition of the cosmos. So after returning to the USA, I began researching astrology in my free time, reading as many books and online resources as possible about the topic. I gave my friends and family birth chart readings, and was constantly examining my friends’ behaviors as a scientist examines their test subject.

Now: Well, now I’m trying to become a professional astrologer! It’s been my goal since my third year in University to become an astrologer, and I’ve been taking webinar courses since then from well-known astrologers and (again) reading as many books and online resources as possible. I now have shelves and shelves (almost a whole large tote full actually) of astrology books of all kinds that I’ve collected and read over the years, and it all started with my grandma’s little copy of Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs. Instead of only giving free birth chart readings to friends and family, now I offer paid readings of all types as well! I’ve learned so much over the last almost 15 years of studying this beautiful tradition! Astrology is also a huge part of my magic as well. I never cast a spell without first planning it for a specific planetary hour and day that aligns with the desired planetary energies. I’m constantly watching transits and studying how they affect us down here on Earth as well.

Astronomy:

Then: As a kid, maybe 3rd grade through middle school, I was super into outer space. I remember having those little glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling. My dad gave me a telescope for Christmas one year, and I remember him helping me to set it up a few times at night outside on the porch. I was always staring at the stars as a kid, looking at the moon and the constellations. I had (still have actually) a great little guide book on all of the constellations in the sky and the mythology behind them, and all kinds of cool info.

Now: Unfortunately, that telescope got very dusty over the years. It’s sitting in storage now, and I’m dying to bring it out and set it up again, but I need the space for it first! I still observe the sky and watch the stars and moon, but aside from my astrology practice and cosmic witchery, I don’t focus too much on space. I still watch documentaries on space and the planets etc. however! My magic actually heavily relies on my knowledge of both astronomy AND astrology.

Mythology/Fairy Tales:

Then: As a kid, I loved reading fiction and fantasy! I loved drawing dragons and unicorns, and reading about magical princesses and fairies. I wanted to live in a world of mythology so badly. I remember one of my favorite books at the time was Dealing With Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede. I think that book really got me excited about dragons and magic. I also have believed from a very young age, not sure where it originated from, that I am a witch, and have magic within me! I know one influence on that belief was a graphic novel series I used to read all the time growing up called W.I.T.C.H. - I related to one of the characters in that series, Irma, who had water magic abilities. I always felt a deep connection to water for some reason, and as a kid I believed I could control it to an extent. Later in elementary school, I remember learning about Greek mythology briefly, but didn’t get to learn much about it until later.

Now: I went through a bit of a phase a while ago where I thought I had to connect to a deity, or a pantheon. And I feel like I did have a few encounters with deities, but nothing that truly made me feel comfortable worshiping a deity. Don’t get me wrong, I love Greek mythology and religion, and I’ve actually taken a class at University on Greek mythology. Though I’m no expert, I feel pretty well-versed in my myths. They have a few good mythology documentary shows on Netflix that I enjoy as well. I guess because I come from a semi-Christian background though, I have a distaste for worshiping a “god” or “god-like” figure... So I don’t really worship any deities at the moment, but I do recognize the possibility of them existing, and I recognize them as archetypal figures. Same goes for other mythological beings, I don’t really work with them, but I recognize the potential for their existence in another plane.

Divination:

Then: When I was a kid, I had a little pendulum that I made out of blue lace agate and a chain. I used that for divination purposes, just asking yes or no questions. I didn’t know much else about divination though, aside from astrology, so I didn’t know what other directions there were for me to explore.

Now: I use a few different types of divination, and surprisingly, I rarely use my crystal pendulums! Besides astrology, my go-to divination method nowadays is tarot. I’ve learned to read tarot cards over the last few years after one of my college roommates gave me a rune reading and introduced me to tarot and other forms of divination. Now I have several tarot decks, oracle decks, and pendulums all stored in a beautiful box I call my “divination box.”

Anyway, that’s my Witchy Then Vs. Now! I really would like to see this pick up on Witchblr cuz it’s a fun challenge to make you reflect a little on how you’ve changed, or stayed the same!

Check out my Ko-Fi below to leave me a tip!

ko-fi.com/andromeda_sapphire

RULES: TAG PEOPLE YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW BETTER

your name and then what you would have named yourself: Elvira, quite happy with that but I've always liked Elias

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): sun=aquarius, moon=libra, rising=cancer, if I remember correctly

when did you join tumblr and why?: at least 5 years ago, my stepdad mentioned that it's a good website for looking at photography, that's not where I ended up

top 5 fandoms: critical role, danmei, the magnus archives, the penumbra podcast, marvel?

top 5 favorite films: Guardians of the galaxy 1 (feelgood movie), The Handmaiden, John Wick (all of them)

go to song when you wanna Feel something: Andante Festivo by Jean Sibelius and it makes me feel Frustrated (I've played it too many times)

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: agnostic leaning towards Buddhism? 

a song that makes you feel seen: not really but I like the lyrics in Strawberry Blonde by Mitski and Like Sand by In Flames

if you could have any career: I just want to be a florist

do you have a type?: not really, I do have a very minor thing for blondes and people on the short/dainty side

what does your heart/soul yearn for: a dog?

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: not as intimidating as I look

favorite subjects in school: maths and English

where does your soul feel most at home: sitting on a windowsill watching the rain/in the kitchen, cooking or baking

top 5 fictional characters: uhhh, hmmm, the Outsider (Dishonored), Beauregard (critical role), Cloud Strife you grumpy little shit&Tifa Lockhart (ffvii), Luo BingHe (svsss, it's complicated) and hmmm, Mo Ran? (2ha), I do love Pei Ming (tgcf)

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: I don't really cry at tv-shows (or watch them), but here are scenes that made me Sad:

The pizza dog from Futurama (it's emotional okay), the ending of Guardian/Zhen Hun (I watched it last night), and uuuhh, rooftop scene in Elementary when they play 'beekeeper' by Keaton Henson

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the moon

favorite kind of weather: lots of snow, dry wind, just a little sunshine

top 3 characters you kin with: none? I very rarely relate to characters, the first character I Really related to must've been Chu Wanning (2ha), but none, yeah

favorite medium of art: paintings

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: ambivert

a favorite literary quote: I have So Many. I could start quoting Shakespeare but, "he is half of my soul, as the poets would say" - the song of achilles

some of your favorite books: The Song of Achilles is probably my favourite, (I've read lots of books but tsoa is one of few that I can reread), the Picture of Dorian Gray is a good one as well

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: I'm pretty happy where I am, maybe further up north

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: victorian England, for the clothes

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: I already play a few, but mastering piano or guitar would be useful, drums are cool tho

(I Do want to try my hand at guqin)

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: hmm, I love mythology and I always appreciate death gods

and lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: I had to take a few quick self-portraits for a project a few weeks ago, I quite like them but I'd rather not share selfies on tumblr

Thanks for tagging me @huacheng-zhu

I don't really use tumblr a lot but if anyone wants to do this, feel free to put me as the one who tagged you

Please answer alll 🙈

I’m assuming based on the timing that this is for the Space asks from way back when? Alright, let’s see...

Mercury: What’s your full name? Maestro O. Tickles (the O stands for Oswald)

Venus: What’s your first language? English

Earth: Where’s your home? B.C.

Mars: What’s your sexuality? Grey Ace/Hetero

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings? Yes!

Saturn: Any pets? Also yes!

Uranus: What’s your hobby? Breaking lees Acting

Neptune: When’s your birthday? Summertime, when the living is easy

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are? At the time of writing, 3:10 PM

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study? Theatre and also science

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol? Yes

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class? Happily no

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? Yes. Didn’t care for it.

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country? Oui

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness? Yes

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about? I know him That can’t be That’s that... little guy who spoke to me All those years ago What was it? ‘85? That poor man, they’re going to eAT HIM ALIVE! So, in short, most musical theatre songs

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? My pets <3

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone? Nope

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? Yep

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend? Lost as in died? Fortunately no Lost as in stopped being friends? Unfortunately yes

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Uhhhhhh how’s about we just say “all of middle school” and call it a day, hm?

Centaurus: Favourite holiday? [ANSWERED]

Orion: Favourite month? April

Cassiopeia: Favourite book? Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson

Delphinus: Favourite study? Like... as in a published scientific paper? Ok well there’s psychologyical study about false memories involving sauteed asparagus that’s quite amusing

Hercules: Favourite instrument? Piano. I might be biased because it’s the only one I can play.

Gemini: Favourite song? Candy Store from Heathers

Pegasus: Favourite place to be? Bed

Libra: Favourite colour? Yellow

Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear? T-shirts with bad jokes on them

Aries: Favourite movie? Fellowship of the Ring

Cygnus: Favourite weather? Rain at night, sun during the day

Hydra: Favourite sound? [ANSWERED]

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend? A friend from elementary school

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social? Yes, though in a different way than some people

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight? For some people, yes

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss? My first year of university

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills? I can flirt very effectively with people I already know, but it doesn’t work with strangers.

Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much? Yes

Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to? You know what? Why not :P

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now? Not really, no

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer? Well I keep getting these crush anons so apparently yeah

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity? Date? No. Make friends? Yes, and I have done so. It actually worked out well one time. Not so much the rest of the time.

Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship? Deny? Like, pretend I don’t have one when I do, or turn it down? In either case yes, though only under very specific circumstances for the former

Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup? No. I have felt incredibly empty and depressed for several months though

Comet: What’s your big dream? I have too many to count and virtually none of them are achievable

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? I’m in a happy and healthy relationship and have the ability to work on large-scale creative projects with talented people and also my partner is a lee who gets the wrecking of a lifetime whenever she wants

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t? I... does anyone else see the problem with this question?

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be? No single thing has effected my life that negatively. It’s a terrible gestalt of depression and sadness.

Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be? Like... back from obscurity? Back from the future? Back from the dead? This question is very vague

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years? A whole lotta stuff that I probably won’t actually do yayyyy

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die? Get a lead role in something

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? I legitimately don’t know anyone who I could go the rest of my life with without anyone else

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? World peace and prosperity hahaha

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? I’m not sure if this means the last thing I want to see before i die, or something I never want to see. Something I never want to see would probably be... hm. Actually I probably shouldn’t write that. That’s pretty gruesome. But if I got to see one thing before I died I would hope it would be the faces of my loved ones (assuming I have those by the time I’m old and decrepit)

There! I hope you’re happy, you little monkey :P

tag game hehe :)

I was tagged by @lydsmartin

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? pink denman brush 2. name a food you never eat. papayas are the worst! or anything with mayo/ketchup 3. are you typically too warm or too cold? i have anemia so i tend to be cold all the time. even my fingernails turn blue if the temperature drops really low really quick 4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? making beignet dough! (i’m princess tiana for halloween) 5. what’s your favorite candy bar? it is a hard tie between twix and the cookie and creme hershey bar 6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? i went to an atl braves game at the original stadium when i was....really really young. the most significant part of it was that it had fireworks at the end, but its lasting impact is that baseball is no contest my fav sport 7. what is the last thing you said out loud? "we can watch the other halloween episode of the office, and then we’re getting apple cider” 8. what is your favorite ice cream? COFFEE! and when it’s coffee with chocolate pieces in it, even better! 9. what was the last thing you had to drink? COFFEE! 10. do you like your wallet? don’t have a wallet. i’m all pockets and it will for sure be my downfall 11. what is the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip poptart 12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i probably get new clothes three to five times a year and that number has dropped to zero this year. so, no 13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? i caught a glimpse of a kansas city chiefs game that one of my cousins plays in. which is cool, but i don’t care for football 14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? buttery movie theater popcorn. better when there’s free refills 15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? i texted a picture of my costume to one of my friends from college (she and her girlfriend where dressed as a captain and first mate) 16. ever been camping? probably when i was in elementary school. i hate bugs and camping. that’s a white man’s activity 17. do you take vitamins? i take iron bc of the anemia. i’m not gonna check if that’s a vitamin 18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? ....virtual church. which is unbearable bc i haven’t been a christian for a Few Years Now but i still live here and i’m not gonna out myself as a disbeliever in the holy trinity 19. do you have a tan? idk i’m black. and it’s fall so i’m probably a smidge lighter than the summertime? idk 20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? let’s just say that bbq chicken pizza >>>>> 21. do you drink your soda through a straw? who does that? 22. what color socks do you usually wear? i have a collection of multicolored socks and i’ve lost the other pair to so many, so i’m usually wearing mixmatched colorful socks everyday 23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? only on the interstate when everyone else is above the speed limit 24. what terrifies you? getting kidnapped by a weirdo freak and getting murdered. blame my childhood of no cable but TONS of criminal minds 25. look to your left, what do you see? fireplace 26. what chore do you hate most? sweeping! 27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? some margot robbie interview which shook me to the core bc i didn’t know she was australian before that 28. what’s your favorite soda? plain coke. but that new lymonade sprite is getting up there 29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? we are in a pandemic. drive thru, but rarely anyway 30. what’s your favorite number? 42. if you know, you know 31. who’s the last person you talked to? my sister 32. favorite meat? steak 33. last song you listened to? blue moon by the marcels! i helped my sister with a halloween playlist and i love an american werewolf in london. (although, as i’m writing this, the song changed to ‘i put a spell on you’ by ccr) 34. last book you read? art museum libraries and librarianship by joan benedetti bc it was a gift from my last internship and i want to learn more about the field i'm tryna enter lol 35. favorite day of the week? saturday 36. can you say the alphabet backwards? probably. i think i memorized it as a kid and now the tune is in my head 37. how do you like your coffee? dark but sweet. i tend to drink decaf bc either caffeine does nothing at all or it makes me tired 38. favorite pair of shoes? at one point, i wore my original burgundy converse Into The Ground (they got holes and were falling apart but i still wore them bc ~aesthetic~ and they literally fell apart. loved them) 39. time you normally get up? ideally, i would wake up at 10:30am everyday 40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? love that song! and sunsets bc i’m a night owl. 41. how many blankets on your bed? 2 officially but 4 technically bc i use the other 2 as pillows 42. describe your kitchen plates: we got a whole mess of dishes. plain white, beige with brown designs, clear, some powerpuff and hello kitty dishes from when i was a child, burgundy bowls, probably others that we don’t really use anymore but we don’t toss them out either 43. describe your kitchen at the moment: green-brown walls, silver oven and fridge, white cabinets, autumn tablecloth, lots of jackets tossed on the chairs, wet dishes in the strainer(?), cereals on top of the fridge, open windows, an aquarium that’s been empty since the time a fish jumped out and landed to it’s death on the floor back when i was 10 (but we don’t get rid of Anything!) 44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? no 45. do you play cards? i LOVE playing speed/spit! i was a demon at that game! 46. what color is your car? well my Parents’ car is dark grey 47. can you change a tire? never had to. no car of my own 48. your favorite state or province? idk georgia’s alright, the politics suck. louisiana’s nice, the politics SUCK. i don’t remember much about either illinois or washington back when my dad worked in both states and i only went to nyc once when i was 7 and was meeting distant family. ideally, i wanna leave the country 49. favorite job you’ve had? i miss working in the university special collections library so bad!

i am tagging anyone who wants to do this bc i don’t want to end up leaving anyone out lmao

Survey #279

“she could kill you with a wink of her eye.”

Have you ever met a guy for coffee? No, I don’t like coffee. Do you feed your leftovers to your dogs? I don’t currently have any dogs, but when I did, it was very rare and (almost) only if he wasn’t begging for it. The only exception was chicken nuggets; Teddy loved him some chicken nuggets, holy shit. That and peanut butter he would always get so excited about. What tricks does your pet do? Neither my cat nor obviously my snake know any tricks. Do you believe in psychics? No. When you hear the name “Ginger” what do you think of? Jason’s fatass beagle. I wonder how she is a lot, she was a darling. What is the worst damage that your car has seen? N/A What was the last thing that annoyed you? Probably my chronic boredom. :’) How would your parents react if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant)? Both would be extremely confused seeing as I’m not with a guy and absolutely do not want kids. Have you ever had a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend’s mom or dad? Nope. Are you afraid of frogs? No, they’re Good. How would you react if a complete stranger complimented you? It depends on the compliment and how it’s delivered. If you sound genuine and it’s not creepy, it’s honestly really flattering and sweet, though I get really shy. Who was the last person to make you cry? Myself, technically, thinking too much about he who I shouldn’t, y’know. Do you have Facebook? I do. How would you react if you found out your crush had a terminal disease? God, I don’t want to think about this. I’d be absolutely crushed. Do you eat applesauce? I don’t go out of my way to get some, but sure, I like applesauce. What was the last pill you took for? It was one of my mood stabilizers. Are you in the hospital a lot? No, thankfully. What is your dentist’s first name, if you know it? I have no clue. Have you ever walked on the beach at night? Yes. Does your mother have any sisters? One. Do you read poetry/make it? I don’t really read it anymore, but once in five blue moons I’ll write one if I’m really inspired. Have you ever had braces? Yes, for way too long because we couldn’t afford to take them off. I think it’s why one of my bottom front teeth is angled back a bit. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced and I live(d) with my mom. Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? To Mom, yes. My sisters and I were going to visit Dad and it was just easier back then to make something else up. Are you afraid of lifts? Elevators? Yes. Not terribly, but I’m not a fan. Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? My “other mom” Tobey; she brought me some groceries while Mom’s away. She’s Mom’s age though so no, I’m not attracted to her. She’s like family. Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? I mean, isn’t that therapy at first? lmao Let’s talk about the person you had your first kiss with. Do you still talk to that person? If so, do you still like them? Would you kiss them again? No; no, I like his memory; I fucking hope not. How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? A couple times. When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? I’m really not sure. What are three things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? Going on a car ride with me in shotgun to blare my music; seeing Mark laugh oh my FUCKING god; and seeing meerkats being cute. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Nothing. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? My first teletherapy appointment. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Chicken of some sort is very, very common. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Ummm… good question. I know I have done this recently, I just can’t remember it… Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Jason is practically a staple. Mom is there a lot. And sure, doesn’t everyone? Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we’re basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? I think it’s possible, there really is some convincing evidence, but I lean more towards not believing it. What worries you most about your future? What the fuck I’m doing with my life. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? Deep breathing. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Mom, and sure. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? I’m not sure. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? Give. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? OH MY GOD, SUDDEN MEMORY. There was this book we read in elementary school about this kid who made everything he touched turn to chocolate and it was fuckin wild. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? Oh, absolutely with someone. Y’all know I don’t enjoy TV that much anyway. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I’m watching the VOD on-and-off of a WoW streamer I like. Who taught you the most valuable lesson in life and what was that lesson? Jason. Don’t let anyone but yourself become your main source of happiness and worth. Have you got perfect vision? Hell no. I’ve got glasses for a good reason. What colour is the door to your house? White. Would you prefer a pet rat, mouse, snake, lizard or spider? Snake. <3 Are you a good liar (tell the truth this time)? Yes. Do you like the smell of a barbecue or bonfire? Yeah, even though I hate barbecue itself. Do you think rainbows are pretty or overrated? Who the fuck thinks they’re “overrated”??? Rainbows are gorgeous. I think we can all agree on that. Are you more skeptical or gullible? Skeptical. How often do you drink sodas or fizzy drinks? LOLOL I DO NOT WANT TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION. Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? Considering I’m the polar opposite, no. Prefer being in control in a team environment, helping out, or taking orders? Help out. Do you like carrot cake? GIRL yes. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? Yes, because we have no greater right than them to be here. Hell, they’re probably more deserving with humanity’s selfishness. I’m aware as a meat eater there’s some hypocrisy here, buuut still in my heart I see them as just as valuable. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? She made an absolutely infuriating, false assumption of my mother. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? I’ve forgiven him. Forgetting’s a different story. What are you like during arguments? Regardless of the topic or severity, I will absolutely be fumbling over my words, stuttering, and find eye contact difficult. It’s definitely not rare that I’ll be crying. Where do you like to be kissed? WELL this depends on the mood y’know. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel? I dunno, both can be very hard. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? It’s petty and I’d rather not give it the time of day. But I still am kind of angry, though I shouldn’t be. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? Why is this so oddly specific lol. But anyway, Mom, and that I love her. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? The one I trust the most. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them one hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or why not? No, because she was miserable. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? I don’t know. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? Sara. Her friendship means a fucking lot to me. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? Yesterday to my mom. Are you old fashioned? HA, definitely not. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? Oh my god yes. What’s your most irrational fear? There are plenty of them that I have. Whale sharks lmao. Musicals: yay or nay? I can’t help it, they’re always cheesy to me. Do you play the games on MySpace/Facebook? No. When was the last time you were sunburnt? A few years ago when I went to the beach with Colleen and her fam. It was actually to the point of being sun poisoning. No words for how painful that shit was. How many times have you re-pierced a piercing yourself? Never have, never would. I’m trusting a professional with that. What’s your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne, of course. :’) How often do you pray? Never. Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collarbone? I already have one but am getting it covered with something else eventually. It just doesn’t really apply to me. Do you wake up cranky? Not usually; I’m usually in my best mood in the morning. Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? No. Who was the last person to hold your hand? I don’t recall. What do you miss most about your ex? Define which ex. Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yeah. Do you and your last ex hate each other? We’re best friends lmao. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes. Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? Absolutely typing on the computer. I make typos while texting too much. Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? Probably. Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yes If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? Nooooo no no. Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? I’ve heard small stories about past relationships. Do you know anyone that’s gotten an abortion before? Yes. Have you ever been arrested? No. Who’s the last person that gave you roses? Tyler. Who’s the last guy you texted? My dad. What about the last girl? Sara. When was your first real relationship? From age 15 to 19-ish. Have you ever cried over an ex? I have PTSD stemming from one of them so guess lmao. Do you ever think about your ex and cry? ^ Have you ever cussed someone out? I remember one occasion at my sister’s stupid fucking ex. What’s the most trouble you’ve ever gotten in with your parents? Hm, not sure. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? No. Do you have a lot of secrets? Not really. Have you ever made out with someone who was just a friend? No. Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? No. “Your secret it safe with me” is something I’m hardcore about. Have you ever pushed someone into a pool? I don’t think so, no. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it? No. Have you ever you shop lifted? No. What state (or country) do you live in? North Carolina. Are you listening to music right now? Yes; 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." I have fallen in LOVE with them. What is your newest favorite website? I don’t think I’ve really had a “new” favorite website in like eons. Do you have embarrassing memories of stupid things you've done? You have no fucking idea. I still remember things that embarrassed me in pre-k. What was the last thing you cooked on the stove? Scrambled eggs, I’m sure. What color Christmas tree do you want when you have a house someday? BLACK. BLACK WITH FAUX SNOW. How fucking gorgeous would that be??? Have you ever had to use an epi pen? No. Do you know the names of 3 of your neighbors? No. I only know the name of one. What was the last thing you cooked that you burnt or cooked for too long? I’m unsure. If you could have a car in any color, which color would you choose? ANY color? Pink. What was the last grocery store you shopped at? Walmart. What was the last type of milk you drank? 2%. Do you plan to vote in the next election? Yes. I believe silence speaks for the evil in situations like this, and I’m done doing that. Thooouuugh I gotta educate myself on the candidates… What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Writing. What is the last thing you charged? My laptop. Who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? I don’t know, been a long time. Do you like peas? NOOOOOOOOO. It’s funny, according to Mom, I loooved peas as a baby, but now I’m just like… can’t relate. Do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? No. Which friend are you most similar to? Sara and I are very similar. Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? Well Sara is many states away so like,,,, we can’t unless I wanna buy a plane ticket lmao. If it was Jason, I pretty much know I’d say yes like a fucking idiot. If it was Girt, it’d be a yeah, we haven’t hung out in forever. Do you have alcohol in your house? No. Have you or anyone you know been to rehab? I’m sure someone has. Have you ever swung on a tire swing? I think I have at least once. What’s a discontinued product you wish they still made? Damn, I know there are some, but they’re not coming to me. Have you ever been involved in Facebook drama? Yes. Actually told a motherfucker off a few days back that claimed there was “something wrong” with Breonna Taylor and her death was justifiable. I. Went. The fuck. Off. Then everyone joined in. :D Do you have anything against women who choose to be stay-at-home-mothers? No?????? The fuck?????????? Have you ever kissed someone with a beard? Not a lengthy one. What gaming consoles do you own? PS2, Wii, GameBoy Advance, Nintendo DS Lite, my laptop, and uhhh I think that’s it. Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? Well, mentally sick. Do you know any lesbian couples? Yes. Did your parents monitor your internet usage when you were a teen? Yes. Well, Mom did. Is there anything in the USB key slots in your computer/laptop? Yes, the thing that communicates with my wireless mouse. What advertisements are on your screen at the moment? None. Was there ever a time when you felt absolutely terrified? If so, why? I can’t describe how terrified I was the night of the breakup. It felt so unreal, and I was so certain my life was over. Then there was an occasion where my dad picked my sister and me up from school and he was in an AWFUL mood; he was speeding like a motherfucker and running red lights. I absolutely thought a we were going to get in a wreck or die. Then I have anxiety and have experienced panic attacks, so… guess lmao. Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? One of the most profound in my life is actually Rhett and Link as well as Hannah Hart. When I started watching GMM, I was actually still homophobic, but gradually I started to ship the fuck out of those angel boys despite it. I started questioning my viewpoint, and finally, on their podcast where Hannah was the guest, telling her personal LGBT story, it just clicked how disgustingly wrong I was. When was the last time you went to a bar? I’ve never been to one. Why did you last see the doctor? I’m going to assume you mean a doctor for physical reasons, in which case I went in to talk about if I qualified for a sleep study regarding my nightmares, only to be told that because my actual doctor was absent, she could do nothing. Sooo Mom and I walked in pretty much just to pay someone to say “wait.” How do you spend the majority of your free time? Something on the computer, I’m sure. Lately, what I’ve been doing most is playing WoW while watching/listening to something. List the cards in your wallet. I don’t care enough to look. Not a lot. What was the last thing to inspire you? Ummm idk. How has COVID affected you? It really hasn’t, other than giving me anxiety regarding my mom as she is in the “of most concern” demographic, if you will. We don’t know if her cancer is gone yet due to the whole emergency trip to NY. But yeah, I personally leave the house like… never, so my daily life hasn’t really had any deviations. What is a comfort show of yours? Hm. I share enough that I’m not a TV person, so I don’t really seek out a show when I need comfort. But I guess if I was sitting there with the remote and I was really down, I’d be happy to find That ‘70s Show. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? As I believe *some* sort of greater intelligence is responsible for the universe, I like to think so. But if not, make your own reason. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? I’ve been home alone for over a month now and am somehow doing okay, taking care of the house and myself. Animal Crossing , yay or nay? I’ve never played it. Not of my interest in games. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? “Breaks” are bullshit. You’re either together or you’re not.