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shelbystales · 6 months

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Honor and Blood - Part Twenty Three

Tommy Shelby x Reader - Masterlist

Read previous parts here: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22

Summary: you are a gypsy and your family lives near Birmingham. Tommy Shelby needs a favor and Johnny Dogs says you’re the one he should ask for. A meeting is scheduled and when Tommy meets you, he is instantly drawn to you.

Warning: Swearing, fluff, mild smut

A/N: Please comment and interact. tell me what you think! it means a looot to me if you do!

English is my second language so I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes.

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After Tommy left, you went for a quick breakfast, deliberately ignoring your father's presence as you enjoyed your meal. You felt too proud to reach out to him; it was he who should apologize.

When you finished eating, you decided to leave quickly. You felt a bit sad and in need of care. So, you walked to your Aunt's caravan, seeking some solace.

Your aunt welcomed you with a warm embrace and a knowing look. She had always been more than just an aunt to you; she was a confidant, a friend, a link to your mother's memory, and a source of wisdom.

"Y/n, dear, what brings you here?" she said, her eyes filled with an understanding that only family could provide.

You smiled and returned the embrace. "I needed to clear my head, Aunt. It's been a rough time."

She nodded and gestured for you to sit beside her. "It's always the way of the world, child. Life has its storms and its calm seas. But we are strong, like the roots of the trees and the flow of the river. We endure."

“Yes, we do” you smiled as you sat down next to her

“Tell me, what happened?” she asked with a caring look, “is it about the shop?”

“yes and no. I had a fight with dad” you told her

“He has been acting weirdly lately. Distant” she noted

“He has. He’s pushing me away” you said, your voice carrying disappointment

“Well, dear… if there’s anything I know about your father is that he is a distant man” she shrugged

You sighed, looking down at your hands. "I know, Aunt. But it feels different this time. I just wish he would open up, especially considering everything that's been happening."

She reached out and gently squeezed your hand. "Y/n, your father is a complicated man. He carries many burdens and secrets. Sometimes he forgets how to be anything but distant."

You nodded, feeling a mixture of frustration and empathy. "I just want to help, you know? And it's not just about the shop; it's about the family."

She nodded in understanding. "I know, dear. Family means the world to us."

As you shared your thoughts, your aunt's wise eyes gazed at you. "You know, crafting jewelry has always been a way for us to bond and express our emotions. Would you like to make something together? Maybe it could help clear your mind" she smiled

You looked up at her, a small smile forming on your face. "I'd love that."

She handed you some delicate, shimmering beads and intricate wirework tools. You started to work with the wire, remembering your mom as you did.

"You still remember how to do it," your aunt praised with a big smile as she began crafting herself.

“How can I forget? But talking about dad… I worry he is in trouble, you know?” you blurted out

“He can get himself out of trouble, y/n. He always has” she said and you nodded “he’s a big man, dear. Not a child. He knows what he is doing”

“You are right” you breathed out

“You know, your mom visited me in me dreams tonight” she said making you smile

“Really?” you asked, your eyes shining with happiness

“Yes, did you know me sister was the one who taught me how to craft jewelry? She was so talented with her hands. The clothes she made, the tapestry, the jewelry… everything her hands crafted was perfect” your aunt spoke with nostalgia on her voice

“She taught me too” you smiled remembering “she was so patient and the way her hands flowed was just magical” you chuckled.

Your aunt smiled warmly. "Your mother was an extraordinary woman, just like you. She would be so proud of the person you've become."

You smiled, your eyes watering a bit, feeling moved by your aunts words “I miss her”

“Me too, dear. But don’t forget you carry her spirit within you," she pointed at your mom's necklace around your neck. Remember, the jewelry we craft is not just for beauty. It's a piece of our souls, a link to our past, and a legacy for our future. It carries the strength and spirit of your mom, closest to your heart”

You wiped away a tear and nodded, your heart heavy yet also filled with the warmth.

As you both continued to craft jewelry, you felt a deep sense of connection to your mother's memory, your family's traditions, and your own inner strength. The intricate pieces you were creating felt like a tribute to the strong and talented women who had come before you.

The hours passed and you shared stories and quiet moments of crafting with your aunt, the caravan filled with warmth and nostalgia. Your aunt's presence and wisdom provided the comfort and guidance you needed, a reminder that even in times of turmoil, your family's love remained a source of strength. As time passed the earrings you were making slowly came together.

The two of you gave the finished touches to the jewelry as the sun began to set. The earrings were a work of art, a combination of intricate beads, and delicate wirework. You marveled at the final result, holding the pair up to the light to catch the way they shimmered and sparkled.

Your aunt looked at the earrings with a smile, her eyes filled with pride. "Your mother would have been overjoyed to see what you've created, y/n. These are exquisite."

You nodded, your heart filled with a sense of accomplishment "I feel closer to her” you smiled “thank you for this”. Your aunt embraced you with a loving hug and you left her caravan wearing your new earrings.

Seeing the sun was now setting, you made your way to the caravan to get a change of clothes before heading to Thomas's place.

As you approached Tommy's house, you felt a mix of anticipation and comfort. But when you arrived and knocked on the door, it wasn't him who came to answer it. Polly was the one who opened it and greeted you with a smile.

“Oh, hi honey. Bloody Thomas isn’t here. But come in” She walked inside. She looked tired, hair messy and dark circles under her eyes… it even seemed like she had been crying. You followed her in, closing the door behind you.

“Has something happened?” you asked putting your small bag of clothes in the floor next to the sofa, as you joined Polly, sitting beside her

“Just Thomas being Thomas” she said, with a hint of disgust in her voice “sometimes i hate his guts”

“What did he do?” you asked, afraid of the answer

“He called the fucking cops on Ada’s husband. Bloody bastards barged in like devils seconds after he held his newborn child” She took her hand to her face “Oh, Ada’s screams still echo in my mind”

“Ada gave birth?” you asked with a smile and she nodded

“Yes, to beautiful baby boy” she gave a shy smile

“I can’t believe Thomas did that… did he know she was giving birth?” you asked innocently

“Of course he fucking knew. You know y/n, Tommy is a bad man to many people. Don’t forget that” she warned as she lit herself a cigarette “what some tea?” you nodded as you digested her sentence

“Do you know where he is?” you asked as she handed you a cup of tea

“Probably at the garrison” she said “Ada doesn’t want to see me anymore” she vented “she is shutting us all out”

“I’m so sorry” You sipped the tea, the warm liquid offering some comfort in the midst of this revelation. It was hard to reconcile the man you loved with the actions Polly described.

Polly's tired eyes studied you, her gaze softened with a touch of motherly concern. "Y/n, you've got a kind heart, but don't ever let it blind you to what we are and what we do."

As you continued your conversation with Polly, you couldn't help but wonder where Tommy might be and what could have driven him to make such a decision. After you finished your tea, you left your cup on the center table and rose from your seat.

"I'll see if I can find Tommy. Maybe he'll tell me what the fuck he had in mind," you said with a chuckle.

"A whole bunch of nothingness, that's what all bloody men have in their brains. Can you get me that bottle before you go?" Polly asked, rolling her eyes and pointing at a whisky bottle on one of the shelves. You nodded, retrieving the bottle as Polly reached for your empty cup. However, something about the cup seemed to catch her attention, and she looked at it in surprise.

"What?" you asked as you handed her the bottle.

"Have you been feeling okay?" Polly asked, her eyes filled with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

You furrowed your brow, puzzled by her question. "Yes, I have," you replied, chuckling. "Why?"

Polly's smile remained as she mentioned the tea leaves. She handed you the cup back, her gaze steady. "I noticed something interesting in your tea leaves."

You hesitated, not taking the cup from her hand. "Oh, I don't know how to read them. I never learned," you admitted. "What does it say?"

"Let's hope Ada isn't vengeful to call the coppers when it's your turn." she said with a cocky smile

You looked at her, shocked by the implications. "What?" you asked, your eyes widening. "But I've been taking precautions, tracking my cycle."

Polly offered a simple, if somewhat fatalistic, explanation. "It's not like math,dear. Sometimes, our cycle changes."

Your mind raced, contemplating the possible consequences of the situation. The unexpected revelation had thrown you on a loop of worries, but you couldn't dwell on it now. And you knew well that tea leaves were not one hundred percent precise.

Your priority now was to find Tommy.

"I'll be going now, Polly," you said, a sense of urgency creeping into your voice. "Thank you for the tea and the talk. I'll catch up with you later."

Polly nodded, "Be careful out there, y/n.”

You made your way towards the Garrison, a place where you often found Tommy. As you walked, your thoughts returned to the unsettling news about the tea leaves. Being a mom right now was never in your plans. Oh, what would your father say...

You pushed open the heavy wooden doors of the garrison and stepped into the dimly lit interior. The atmosphere was heavy with the scent of cigarettes and sweat, a testament to the long hours and hard decisions made within these walls. The bar was empty, which was weird because it wasn't even seven p.m.

As you entered, you saw Tommy, sitting at the bar with Grace by his side. He looked defeated, his usual air of authority replaced by a weariness that sent a chill down your spine. He looked up, and his expression brightened when he saw you.

Grace had a possessive hand on his shoulder, her presence a mix of support and concern. Her eyes locked onto you as you walked in, and there was a smug, almost haughty expression on her face.

You made your way to the bar, fighting to hide your unease. Grace's demeanor was unsettling, and you couldn't help but feel like an outsider.

“Hi” he said with a small smile as you walked over to them. When you arrived his hand held yours as he pushed you close into a kiss. You felt a sense of relief wash over you as he closed the distance between you and him.

The connection between you two was strong, and Grace's presence seemed to fade into the background.

"Hey," you smiled warmly. "Heard you had a tough day." You offered him a comforting smile.

Tommy nodded, his eyes locked onto yours. "It's been a hell of a day," he admitted “maybe we can call it a day and go home? Or do you want a drink?”

With a sympathetic nod, you squeezed his hand. "let’s go home. You probably need to rest and I'm here now. Maybe I can make the day end a little better." you caressed his tired features

Grace shifted uncomfortably beside Tommy, her icy stare fixed on you. It was clear she wasn't thrilled to have you around. At least her hand was off your man now.

"Ah, Grace," you greeted her with a polite but slightly strained smile. "Still putting in those extra hours, I see."

Tommy's hand was resting on your waist, and he shifted his gaze from you to Grace, who seemed to be making a conscious effort to maintain her poised, superior demeanor.

Grace shifted uncomfortably beside Tommy, She looked you up and down, her gaze filled with a subtle disdain that she didn't bother to conceal.

"Always working, aren't we, Tommy?" Her tone held a layer of annoyance, and Tommy merely nodded.

"Working with an empty whisky bottle?" you asked seen the bottle in front of him and his glass full, just like Grace's. Your question was imbued with a touch of sarcasm.

Grace's smile remained polished but strained, her demeanor almost confrontational. "Oh, this?" She picked up the empty whisky bottle, examining it briefly. "It's not all business, you know?" She offered a suggestive smile. "Besides, I find it quite effective in getting the men here to talk."

As she spoke, her unwavering gaze remained fixed on yours, conveying her intent to establish some form of dominance, particularly over Tommy. You saw through her veneer, sensing that there was more to her than met the eye.

With a diplomatic nod, you acknowledged, "You have your ways, Grace. It's a shame he has to be drunk to talk to you." You offered her a sympathetic smile, but before she could talk, you continued "Shall we head home?” you leaned in, close to his ears, where you left a gentle kiss “I have to tell you how much I love you back. I didn't have time to do it this morning" You added a mischievous touch to your smile.

Tommy’s pupils dilated at your words, his hand on your hips gripping tighter on your skin. He then stood up, addressing Grace, "lock things up as I leave, ey?"

Grace's demeanor, once so polished, was now tinged with annoyance. "Of course, Tommy," she replied coolly.

As Tommy led you towards the exit, her icy stare followed you both, but you ignored it. “I went by your house before the garrison” you said as he opened the door for you to leave.

“Yeah? Sorry I wasn't there, needed some air” he said. Tommy's grip on your hand tightened as he escorted you through the dimly lit streets of Small Heath.

“Some air ou some Grace?” you mocked

"Please don't," he asked

"Right. Sorry," you conceded, though your curiosity still gnawed at you. "But really, what were you two talking about alone in there? Why there was no one in there?" The questions slipped from your lips before you could stop it.

Tommy let go of your hand, his frustration evident as he rolled his eyes. "I'm not in the mood, y/n."

"It's a simple question," you countered, your curiosity getting the best of you.

He sighed and stopped walking for a moment as you reached the front door of his house, "I was drinking with me brothers before Polly barged in, telling me about fucking Freddie, acting crazy at me y/n. Then everyone left, but Grace. We drank and talked. I didn’t want to come home and face Polly. People know well not to stay when we are fighting"

"Freddie," you murmured, the weight of that name hanging heavily in the air between you and Tommy. “Polly told me what happened”

“I bet she did,” he said sarcastically, opening the door to his house and walking in. Not holding the door to you as he usually did. Great, he was pissed at you now.

He walked straight to his room, before you followed him you grabbed a glass of water, seeing your cup and polly’s inside the kitchen sink as you did. Instinctively you took your hand to your belly, feeling a weird rush of adrenaline wash over you. Shaking the weird feeling, you grabbed the bag of clothes you left at the living room and followed him upstairs.

You put your glass of water on his bedside table and followed him upstairs. As you walked into the bedroom, you found him in the process of changing his clothes, wearing only his briefs. Despite the day's troubles, you couldn't help but appreciate the sight.

You wrapped your arms around him from behind, holding him close. His hands found yours as they rested on his chest.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you," you said softly.

"You didn’t," he replied, his touch tender.

“I think I did…” you continued, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

He turned to you, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. “I know you don’t like Grace. But it’s tiring to have the same type of discussion all the fucking time.”

“I can see that,” you said, your fingers tracing the contours of his chest “but she gets under my skin with her posh and demeaning attitude. You saw it today and it's clear she hits on you”.

“Yea…. Many women do, Love. but remember it's you I want. It's you I hold on to every night” he caressed your cheek and kissed your lips “She is my secretary, you’re my love. Let her be demeaning… let her act stupid all she wants. Don't let her get under your skin. She might think she's better than you, but you are better than her”

You smiled “yeah… that's hard. But ok, I'll try. Is she at least doing a good job?”

“Yeah, she's great with numbers” he said

“Good” you smiled “now tell me about Freddie Thorn. Tell me what happened," you inquired.

“I don’t know what happened. That's the thing. I don't know how Campbell knew where he was,” he confessed, his frustration evident.

“You didn’t tell the cops?” you asked, a bit surprised.

“Of course not, why would I do that to Ada? She already hates me enough,” he said, moving away and sitting on the bed.

You joined him, sitting beside him. “Maybe Campbell just followed him,” you suggested.

“No, he's a communist, love. He is good at hiding; he wouldn’t have made a mistake like that,” he responded.

“Maybe you have a rat,” you considered

“Yeah, that’s what I think,” he said and then changed the subject, a small smile appearing. “Is that earring new?”

You smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “Uhum, I made it today.”

“You did?” he asked, impressed, between the small pecks you left on his lips.

“Yes,” you mumbled, pressing your hand on his thigh.

“Its beautiful,” he said and your smile grew bigger

His fingers gently traced along your jawline as the gentle pecks on your lips evolved into an intense, passionate kiss.

The world outside seemed to disappear as you and Tommy became lost in each other. Your fingers found their way to the short hair at the nape of his neck, while his hands traced the contours of your body, a silent reassurance of his affection.

Time passed, unnoticed, in your intimate embrace. Eventually, you pulled away, your breath slightly labored, and your eyes met his with a spark of desire. "I think you needed that," you said, a sly smile playing on your lips.

Tommy nodded, his gaze intense. "Yes, I did." His voice was low and husky, his desire mirrored in his eyes. "I need you." he says, his thumb caressing your lips as his hand held your chin.

You smiled as you glided your hand through his abs to his briefs making him groan at the feeling. His eyes watching you as your hand disappeared inside the white thin fabric. You took his already hard cock into your hand, rubbing it up and down between your fingers. His eyes burning on you.

You leaned in to kiss him, the kiss slow as you both tasted the feeling of each other's lips. You kiss his neck, making your way down to his chest and abs as you kneeled in front of him, in between his legs. He opens them a bit wider, so you fit perfectly.

You slowly pull down his boxers. His cock springs up as he is freed from his briefs. You hold his cock firmly, fingers tickling his balls as you place your lips over the head of his cock kissing it a few times. But before opening your mouth, you circled your tongue slowly teasing him and having fun as you tasted him.

Opening your mouth you fit him inside, closing your lips around him as you bobbed your head slowly up and down.

“Ah, fuck” he whispered, making you look up at him, seeing the desire and intensity on his gaze.

You held at his balls with your free hand, massagem them as you kissed the length of his cock before taking him into your mouth again. This time taking a long inspiration through your nose as you go for a deep throat.

“Fuck! Love, that’s so fucking good” he moaned, making you smile in satisfaction, your mouth still full of him.

You continued your job, alternating between deep throats, slow intense sucking, liking and kissing. Using your hands to put some pressure into your movements.

“I’m close” he said as he watched his dick disappear in your mouth. “Wait” he asked and as you stopped what you were doing he stood up. You looked up at him as he held his cock and lightly hit it against your cheek a few times. “Will you be a good girl and take it?” he asked, holding up your chin with his other hand.

“Yes,” you said, opening your mouth to him, holding your tongue out as he slowly slid his tip on top of it before he started to slowly thrust into your mouth.

Both his hands held your hair out of the way, one resting at the back of your neck, the other on your temple. You did your best to sync your breathing to his movements, trying your best not to gag every time he thrusted in.

“Fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good” he moaned as his intensity increased, mouth-fucking you hard. You held at his thighs, trying your best to stay still, feeling your eyes starting to water. He looked down at you, watching you take his cock. Increasing his movements even more. “Fuck! y/n, I’m coming” he warned before exploding in your mouth. You did your best trying to lick him clean, taking every drop “that's it” he praised as you licked his length.

He took a few seconds to recover before helping you stand up. He kissed you intensely, biting your bottom lip before getting your glass of water and handing it to you

“Thank you” you smiled and he headed to the small sink in his bedroom, to wash his cock.

You took off your clothes and got one of thomas’ pajamas from his drawer. You felt your throat a bit sore and you massaged it.

“You ok?” he asked and you nodded

“Just a bit sore” you answered and he frowned, walking towards you.

He held your chin “open up” he said and you did he looked in and frowned “it looks a bit red. I’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you”

“You didn’t. I liked it” you smiled and so did he

“You are a something else” he whispered as he kissed you deeply. “Are you hungry?” he asked and you nodded

“A bit, yeah” you answered

“I don’t think anyone made dinner, but its still early. We could go out” he said but you shook your head

“No, I could just eat some slices of bread later. Are you hungry?” you asked and he shook his head.

“Come on then” he held your hand and you both walked to bed.

He held you close to him, just as he always did, radiating warmth. His fingers ran gently through your hair, and the room was bathed in the soft, dim light from the streetlamps outside. Everything felt tranquil for that moment.

You shifted slightly and turned your head to meet Tommy's eyes. "Tommy?" you began.

He leaned down to kiss your forehead, his lips soft and tender. "What is it, love?"

"Polly said something to me today," you started, your voice carrying a touch of hesitation. "It's probably nothing, but it got me thinking."

Tommy looked down at you, curiosity etching his features. "What is it?" he asked.

You sat up, a hint of nervousness creeping in as you were unsure of how he would react. A part of you felt like it might be foolish to share this, as it wasn't certain.

"Do you believe in reading tea leaves?" you asked, your voice quiet.

Tommy considered the question for a moment. "No, not really," he answered. "Why?"

You took a deep breath. "Earlier, when I was talking to Polly, she read my tea leaves," you explained, watching his expression closely.

"What did it say?" he inquired.

"Polly thinks… I might be… pregnant," you admitted slowly.

Tommy frowned, his brow furrowing in thought. "I thought you got your period," he mentioned.

"Yes, I got it last month,” you chuckled “but it was almost three weeks ago," you said, shrugging. "I know it's not certain, and you know how tea leaves are. I might not be pregnant now but it shows it as a possible close reality… anyways I thought you should know."

As you revealed the possibility of being pregnant, Tommy's expression shifted from curiosity to surprise and then contemplation. He was silent for a moment, his fingers gently tracingy our skin as he absorbed the news.

Finally, he let out a slow breath, his gaze meeting yours. "Y/n, you're right, it's not certain. But if it's true, well, that would be the best news in a long time." His voice was filled with warmth

You felt a sense of relief at his response. The uncertainty of the situation still loomed, but having Tommy's support made it all seem a little less daunting. At that moment, the prospect of starting a family with him wasn’t so scary.

He pushed you close and kissed you again, his lips lingering for a moment. "We'll find out for sure soon." With those words, you nestled back into his embrace. “how are you feeling about it?”

“I’m fucking scared” You said making him chuckle “I didn’t want this at this moment” continued

“Well, maybe the tea leaves are mistaken” he said “it happens a lot, you know”

“I hope so” you said, feeling your eyes grow heavier.

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A/N: how come I make this Tommy more caring than Modern Tommy in "best aid"? Maybe bc I like this Tommy more... and i can't have him hurt y/n... 😝🤗

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dirtytransmasc · 1 year

Note

So for the Spellman Siblings, I have 2 questions

1 - Outside of Quaritch (cause he's their dad now), who are the different siblings' favourite recoms?

2 - For the recoms, which sibling is their favorite / one they are closest to?

so this is gonna be expanded on in a post that's currently in my drafts (its basically, at this point, a collab with @little-box-of-autism cause we go back and fourth on the siblings and recoms like feral raccoons) so just follow me

outside of quaritch, who is their dad, all fo their favorite recom is mansk, because they see him. it's been hinted in other posts about the siblings that they are... prone to violence, to put it lightly. mansk is also, prone to violence. but deeper then that is a shit ton of mental, psychological, and identity issues that they both relate to. they are eachother's safe space.

but outside of those two;

reyzi and ro'eyk's is Zdog, she's kinda like a fun mom and big sisters wrapped up in one. she's more of a mom to ro'eyk, always holding onto him, watching out for him, calling him little pet names, stuff of that nature. while she's more of a big sister or aunt to reyzi, showing her pink and katy perry, having spa nights when they have to go back to bridgehead (I could totally see them in face masks, hair up in a towel, dancing in the mirror, zdog getting caught up in the moment and pausing to kiss the top of reyzi's head, and reyzi feeling like, for just a moment, she has her mom/sister back).

ravi's is probably lyle, he's fun and nice, like a big stupid brother, constantly trying to parent him and failing, causing more trouble then ravi could have caused on his own.

for the recoms;

Mansk - reyzi, they are each other's respite, they get each other, they heal each other.

Ja - probably ro'eyk, when he's not being super quiet or stuck in a daydream, he's got the biggest 'eat shit' attitude and sense of humour, and ja fucking love the kids for it.

Prager - ravi, he's the most helpful around camp and makes really good conversation, plus he's the one he has to be least worried about causing some sort of issue.

Lopez - also ro'eyk, for similar reasons to ja, though one of these days he's gonna get tired of telling the boy he can't use the spares he finds at bridgehead to makes bombs.

Z-dog - she's a mama by heart, she can't pick (ro'eyk, he's her baby, outside of spider)

Lyle - reyzi, she scares the shit out of him, he respects it. plus, he has scary sister privileges.

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roseguided · 1 day

Text

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

✧ NAME: zandie ! but, my friends call me zan a lot of the time. ( fun fact: i was going to be named alexandria and just called zandie as a nickname. but, my parents went with zandie. its from a old black n white western movie. )

✧ PRONOUNS: she/her

✧ SEXUALITY: mostly bisexual. as time goes on, i think i lean more toward wanting to be with women. but, i do still find men very attractive. love me a good dilf & a specific type of my age guys lmao

✧ TAKEN OR SINGLE: single !

– THREE FACTS.

✧ i have two corgi's ! the oldest is woodie, he's 3 years old. he's more auburn, kinda tanned colored. he's got his own little personality that's so interesting to see sometimes. we got him after our family dog died suddenly, so he holds a special spot for us. the second one is dena, named after my 91 yr old grandmother. she's 1, about to turn 2, and more tri-colored: mostly black, the white chest/feet, and some tan on her eyebrows and nose ! she's a little love bug who wants to give her sister (me) kisses all the time. she makes me v happy, like woodie. they are my 'siblings', but also my kids lmao.

✧ when i was born i was 3 months early. so, a premature baby. i was so small that i weighed a pound and 2 oz. so small that when i was born my mom asked why there was a cat in the operating room and my aunt said 'that's not a cat, baby, that's zandie.' i stayed in the hospital for over a month and a half before i was able to come home.

✧ i live in a small, deep south town. i am, what the internat calls, the ya'll people. lmao. i always wonder if, to internet friends i talk to, my accent is noticable or thick in any shape or form.

– EXPERIENCE.

✧ HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): aboooout nine years. i started out on facebook as jane volturi, then it was a site called quotev, and then tumblr ever since.

✧ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: facebook, quotev, kik, twitter, tumblr.

✧ BEST EXPERIENCE: meeting some of my good/best friends through tumblr rp. i love all of you so v much.

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

✧ FEMALE OR MALE: i def have a pref for female muses. my muse list is 99% female muses w some male oc's and the rare male canon muse thrown in. sometimes i wanna write more men, but i really have to connect to the character to be able to do that.

✧ FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i love all of it ! fluff and angst happen a lot more. smut not as much, but im open to it ! on discord, through memes. whatever we want to do.

✧ PLOTS OR MEMES: i'm def better with memes ! memes=starters if someone decides to continue it. but, i also like plots. i'm just not always the best plotting.

✧ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: ever since changing my formatting replies tend to be longer and sometimes muses have a lot to say. i usually got for medium to longer replies just to give people smth to work with and to get the muses thoughts or action down.

✧ BEST TIME TO WRITE: nighttime !

✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i have a few i am pretty similar too ! it's hard to name all of them. but, i also like writing muses who aren't like me in any way as well.

TAGGED BY: nobody <3

TAGGING: anyone who wants to steal x

#she's rambling again. ( out of character )#kisses ur foreheads #q

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kylejsugarman · 1 year

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Do you have any BrBa headcanons you’re yet to share?

hmm thats a tough one because i feel like the instant any thought pops into my head, i just instantly post it.....honestly my favorite "headcanons" to discuss aside from like me making 6 million posts a day about jessimer are those that involve skyler, flynn, holly, and marie, just because there's so much room to speculate about what became of them after the events of the show. ive talked a little about it, particularly in the context of flynn and marie bonding in the aftermath because she's lonely and grieving and he needs someone to rely on while his mom deals with the legal fallout and her own depression, but it just really, really fascinates me to think about what life would be like for them in the wake of something SO life-changing. marie trying to put up a facade of bravery and coldness a la what we see in the bcs finale (btw I was literally screaming and crying and throwing up when she showed up) and advocate for hank because for all of his many (many) flaws, you can tell that she really loved him and his awful death really broke something in her and she tries to still be perfect, well-kept marie even though there's no one to really perform for and nothing to occupy her free time except for her niece and nephew. its my belief that marie gets a little possessive of holly and views her almost as her own daughter because marie really throws herself into caring for holly in the aftermath to distract herself/help out skyler (she's angry at her sister and will be angry for the rest of her life, but no amount of anger could stop her from loving those kids), and it's really, really hard for her when she has to go home at the end of the day and go to bed alone. holly is given a lot of love by her mom and her aunt and her brother, but theres a degree of insulation to it, this desperation to protect her, that she picks up on early in life and gives her a rebellious streak. she's a smart, nice kid but independent and defensive. skyler gets asked a lot if she'll ever write a book about her experiences since she's a writer, but she never does. she writes some children's books about a dog and his adventures instead that see some success, ostensibly for holly to enjoy. the dog has a collar but he holds the leash.

#swagcoolcat #ask #syd squeaks #adhd truly means a thousand thoughts running through my head and only a couple linger long enough to be articulated #breaking bad #marie schrader #skyler white #flynn white #holly white

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bread--quest · 10 months

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more details about them are under the cut in case one of them sounds familiar and you want to doublecheck. if you know what the 8th one is please tell me

mr. revere and i: book narrated from the pov of paul revere's horse. she was formerly a british horse but through some amount of shenanigans was given to paul revere instead. she had an entire arc about unlearning her loyalty to england and choosing to side with the americans that was extremely compelling to young me

all-of-a-kind family: jewish sisters on the lower east side in turn of the century new york. i read so many books with that premise but these were my favorites. uhh there were 5 of them, oldest was ella and then i think hattie and then sarah, charlotte, and gertie. it was a series and later there was a little brother who had to get his name changed because he fell down a manhole (long story). they went to the library and coney island and ate soup and did jewish holidays. probably at least 15% responsible for my fixation on nyc. they were everything to me.

the year of the dog: book about an asian-american girl growing up. her name is pacy and she likes to draw. has a lot of conflicted feelings about being american vs. being part of her family's culture which i related a lot to for reasons that i'm sure you can guess

cobble street cousins: 3 cousins growing up on a street?? actually it was two sisters (lily and rosie) and their cousin tess. they had a cool aunt who was dating a botanist. tess was a broadway nerd. they had a cool attic hideaway. the books were excruciatingly cozy i love them

project mulberry: ANOTHER one about asian-american girls feeling conflicted about culture are you noticing a theme here. uhh a girl and her friend who collects state quarters do a science fair project raising silkworms and then trying to embroider something with them. they get help from a guy who has a mulberry tree and is black and her mom has to confront her inner racism. at one point the author talks to the main character in like the footnotes for some reason

the pushcart war: LOVE THIS ONE SO SO MUCH BTW EVERYONE SHOULD READ IT. uhh its new york in Very Slightly The Future. (it was like 1940s when this was written but the date gets changed with every reprint.) everything is the same but traffic is slightly worse. its supposed to read like an account of an actual historical event. pushcart peddlers get fed up with being literally pushed around by truck drivers and get organized. using pea shooters they make the trucks get flat tires so that everyone can see that they're the main problem of traffic. does a surprisingly good job going into all the ways seemingly small political action can have effects (newspaper articles, local government elections, other unions being affected, even trade with other nations). not exactly a union novel but basically a union novel (to this day i still think of a certain part of it whenever someone brings up union dues). basically radicalized kid me if we're being honest.

the fairy rebel: well it was either that or the rebel fairy can't remember. really weird one honestly. okay so a woman named jan hurts her leg and can't dance and also can't have kids and is like clinically depressed about it. weird beginning to a kids book but it gets weirder. a fairy shows up and makes friends with her and in exchange for jan teaching the fairy what jeans are the fairy makes a magic baby for jan. the baby has a streak of magic blue hair. there are also magic rose presents. the fairy queen is evil and has evil wasps and gives the kid an evil necklace and does some really fucked up stuff like nearly crush the kid under toys. it's okay eventually though i think

haunted doll one: okay so i read this at a campground once and it's probably the most genuinely obscure one on here but. a girl finds a doll and like. touches it? or picks it up or something? and somehow the doll transports her back in time to like a wagon chain exploring the west or whatever. and i think the doll is there in prairie times too. can't remember if the modern girl like possesses the original owner of the doll on the wagon chain or if she just gets prairie isekai'd but i think it's like a recurring event. also at some point someone gets bit by a snake and maybe dies. i don't remember how it ends but the general vibes of the thing terrified kid me So Much that it's haunted me ever since. if you remember this book please tell me

#wow look something original!!#polls #just 4 fun :]#and maybe bc a different post made me think about the haunted doll book again

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tellmelittlethingsaboutyourday · 4 months

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My youngest nephew's 5th birthday party was Sunday and we had just the best time. He saw me walk through the door, "AUNT CAKEY!!!!!!!" He about knocked me down with a bone crushing hug. Then he saw the gift bag and tore into that like a tissue paper hating wolverine. Got to the first present and lost all interest in the rest. I got him a pterodactyl glider and launcher. He got his dad to open it and set it up and IMMEDIATELY hit his dad with it and then the TV. After that my sister declared it an outdoor toy so we all trooped outside. Then my nephew and his lil sis got tired and collapsed on top of me the way only small kids can. It was delightful

Then tomorrow my oldest nephew, he's 12, and I are going to a local amusement park for their Halloween stuff. Hes never been and so Im excited to introduce him to roller coasters AND haunted houses. We're gonna make a whole day and night of it and my bff said he might meet us there.

Also, Mom has been on vacation this week so I've gotten to steal her dog. The first two nights Zoey tried to herd me toward Moms bed because that's where she sleeps but I was stubborn and bull headed and INSISTED on riding the couch. So she and her lil pillow have been sleeping next to me on the couch. Its adorable.

Sorry so late on publishing again but I love this!

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xxlynxxx · 1 year

Text

Could’ve been Levi Ackerman x Black reader part 2.

A/N: For the sake of this story lets pretend Levi is 5′10 lol. Also smuttttt warning ;)

Levi

“Did you hear me son?” My moms voice brought me out of my thoughts that seemed to be reiterating itself. “Yeah, you’re gonna come stay in a couple weeks. got it.” I said setting the phone up so she could see me as I stirred the pasta on the stove.

“Son, I worry about you sometimes and you know if my sickness takes a turn i just don’t wa-”

“Mom, stop talking like that. It wont come back and i’m fine. Now tell me about your vacation.” that seemed to ease her because she started rambling on about what she did on the vacation i just sent her and my aunts on.

My mother had lupus and some days were worse than others. The medication and lifestyle the doctor had her on seemed to be working so far, she just worried too much about getting real ill again or leaving me and my little sister Isabel behind. “Anyways, enough about that. Hows the family? You know i miss my grandson. I havent seen him in awhile, i just cant wait to see you guys. Make sure your sister is actually coming this time. You know how that girl can be with all her partying and drinking ugh she worries me that she will never settle down.” I rolled my eyes as she began to ramble on again. Erwin walked into the kitchen and mouthed ‘your mom?’ before i nodded and he backed out of the kitchen. ‘Thank God.’ My mom had a weird crush on Erwin and if she saw him i would be on the phone all night.

“Hey mom, i gotta go. Im gonna burn the food if i dont pay attention. I will make sure Isabel is there. Alright?”

“Okay, call me tomorrow Levi. I mean it! I love you my handsome boy, i cant wait to see you!” i quickly said my goodbyes before hanging up.

“Dinner almost ready my handsome boy?” Erwin joked returning to the kitchen, setting plates on our dining room table.

“Fuck off.” I rolled my eyes and took the pot off the stove taking it to the dinner table.

“So, you don’t seem so sick to me, why did you leave early today?” Erwin asked cutting off a piece of garlic bread. I shrugged. “Petra is trying to get me to move back in. Then my mom text saying she's gonna come visit so of of course she cant know that i live with you and not at home.”

Erwin nods. “So you're stressed because now you have to act like the perfect family while your mom stays?” “yeah” I sigh starting to lose my appetite just by talking about what awaits me back home.

“You are your moms pride and joy, i don't get why you just don't say ‘hey mom, Petra and i are separated and on our way to a divorce and by the your grandson? Yeah he’s not really mine.’ See? that’s so easy.” I roll my eyes again at Erwin. Which feels like a pretty reoccurring action.

“Maybe its easy for you since you tell your mommy everything.” Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. “I just don't wanna stress her out, she's been through a lot this year. Plus, she's already stressed over Isabel. Just don't wanna add to it. Let alone think about Petra”

“I understand. There is something I wanted to ask you.” He says and i cock my eyebrow at him. “Now, don’t jump down my throat. I couldn't help but to notice you taking her out to lunch often. Which isn't typically Levi behavior to be so... dare i say doting?” I almost choked on my water. ‘Fuck... am i being obvious?’

“And, if you're thinking ‘damn, am i obvious?’ yes..yes you are. At least to me.”

“Erwin i-”

“BUT” He cuts me off wagging his finger at me with his dramatic self. “I noticed today you ignored the poor woman this morning, and then later at lunch when i let her know you wouldn't be back today she looked for a split moment like i had just shot and mutilated her dog right in front of her.”

“Okay that's a little much.” I say picking up my plate to take it to the kitchen. Erwin following behind me “So I ask my dear handsome boy. What's going on?”

I lean against the counter glaring at him, hopefully to make him uncomfortable enough that he will fuck off. It doesn't work he just stares back smiling annoyingly wide. “and don't lie because, for a lawyer you're not good at lying when it comes to yourself.”

“Nothings going on, I find her attractive but she works for me. So I'll just look and not touch.” Erwin slowly nods.

“Yeah so how long do you think you can keep that up for? Im all for you finding happiness especially after your divorce is final from the wicked witch of the east, but then again you do have a point. “

“Yeah, i think ill just die an old lonely man.” I say turning my back to him putting the leftovers in the fridge.

“Wrong, because tonight we are gonna go out and drink like we are 21 again and maybe even meet some ladies.” He says doing a little dance.

“I'm so good on that actually. Besides i have go to the office in the morning and finish up on the paperwork i didnt do today.”

“Thats so funny that you think you have a choice.” He laughs obnoxiously all the way to his room. I sigh going to mine to get ready.

2 shots in and I'm kind of enjoying my time out. Erwin invites two woman to our table after buying them drinks. One of them keeps rubbing her leg up and down mine under the table. It makes me think of the other day when Ivy did it. If this was her sitting next to me doing it, i would be much more receptive. I excuse myself from the table once i feel her hand land on my thigh. “I'm gonna get a beer.” I state out loud mainly to Erwin. “I can come wi-” The one whos been touching me for the last 20 minutes responds but I'm already walking away from the table. Luckily she stays put.

Deciding to drink my beer at the bar i pull out my phone and open up Instagram. Hange convinced me to create one a couple months ago but I didn't post any pictures. To keep from looking like a “spam account” as Hange put it, I just put a profile picture and my name. I had no use for this app until after meeting Ivy. I found her through Connie's followers. I mentally thanked Connie for making me follow him.

Fortunately her page isn't private, i felt like a creep for how many times i searched her account just to stalk her page and check if she posted any new pictures. I noticed that her profile picture had a pinkish/orange ring around it. ‘Thats interesting’ I clicked to see what would happen and saw she was out. She posted a video of a blonde girl taking a shot, the next video was of them clinking glasses, after was the last post she put. It was a selfie of her in a bar, the lights in the background looked familiar, I turned around and noticed the lights near the bathroom looked just like the ones in her picture. ‘Is she here?’ I looked back n forth between her photo and the lights behind me.

“You good man?” Erwin came up behind me grabbing my shoulder.

“Yeah, i just started talking to the bartender and lost track.” I Lied which he caught on to.

“They’re leaving, and they invited us back to their place. I have no problem telling them no if you're not into it.”

“I’m definitely not into it. But you should go, have fun i dont mind.”

“No, i was hoping you would say no, im not feeling it either. I'm just gonna walk them out to their uber and ill be back.” Erwin, always the gentleman. I made my way back to our table. Keeping a look out for Ivy. I was certain she had to still be here. The photo was posted 10 minutes ago.

Just as i suspected she walked from the bathroom area with a blonde holding her hand leading her to a table on the other side of the room. She sat with her back away from me. She couldn't see me but i had my eyes on her. I noticed the other men watching her as she walked to her table. You had to be blind not to think this woman was beautiful. Her beautiful sandy brown skin always seemed to be glowing. She had the biggest brown eyes. Every emotion she had shown in them, her hair was a beautiful shade of auburn. Tonight her beautiful tight coils were out and free. She never wore her hair down at work. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my finger around a curl. Or maybe get a handful of it as she-

“What are you looking at?” Erwin pulled me out of my thoughts before they turned lewd. “Did you wanna go to a different bar?”

“No, lets stay.” I said a little to eager

“Okay, someone caught your eye?” Erwin sat next to me looking in the direction i had been.

“Don't be obvious, but that's Ivy.” I said turning my back to the table she sat at. Erwin smiled and waved in that direction, catching the eye of Ivy’s friend.

“What? that's great! I’m gonna invite them over. Go to the bar and order whatever they’re drinking.” He said getting up

“Erwin wait!″ I tried to grab for him but he was already halfway across the room.

Ivy

“Quick! How do my tits look?” I gave Hitch a thumbs and tried to keep from looking behind her at Levi. I noticed he tried to grab Erwin's arm when he was coming over here. ‘damn, he really must be trying to avoid me.’

"Hello Ivy. I thought that was you, small world.” Erwin smiled down at me.

“Hello, Mr. Smith. its nice to see you again.” I don't know why i tried to sound so formal. I immediately sobered up.

“Ah come on Ivy, we’re out of the office. Please call me Erwin.” I nodded “And whos your lovely friend?” He asked taking Hitch’s hand kissing the back of it, which she ate right up. If there wasn't so many people in this room she would've pounced right on him by the look she was giving.

“Hitch, but you can call me baby.” She winked at him. I rolled my eyes but, Erwin seemed find it amusing. He gave a big laugh and kissed the back of her hand again.

“Well would you ladies like to accompany Levi and I tonight? we’ve got a section over there, its too much room for just us.”

“Yes! “ Hitch answered before i could. She was already up and following Erwin forgetting her purse. I grabbed our things and slowly made my way over. Levi was at the bar and made his way back to the table at the same time i did. Setting down a drink for Hitch and I. She happily thanked him while I avoided eye contact and gave a quiet ‘thanks’.

“Of course.” He said taking his seat across from Hitch and Erwin leaving a spot in the booth for me right next to him.

Hitch giggled across from me as Erwin whispered something in her ear. I could feel Levi burning a whole in the side of my face so i pulled my phone out scrolling through Instagram. Luckily for my privacy screen he couldn't see what i was looking at if he decided to lean closer to peep. I liked a couple photos before going to my insta story to look at who viewed it. ‘Levi.Ackerman87′ viewed my story. My stomach felt like it had a whole cage of butterflies in it. Checking my following i didnt see his name on there. I glanced over at him, he was making small talk with Hitch and Erwin. Putting my phone back into my purse, I stood up. “I’m gonna use the bathroom, ill be back.”

“Oh do you want me to go with you?” Hitch asked.

“No, I'm okay. Ill be quick.” I said before heading to the back towards the restroom. This bathroom was one of those fancy clean types that had a person inside waiting with mints and rolled up towels, luckily the person who was supposed to be in here left out as i entered. I drenched a towel in the cold water and placed it on the back off my neck to cool myself off. I took my phone out again just to double check what i saw. ‘Yup, Levi.Ackerman87′ Clicking on his profile he had no pictures, just as i expected. But his profile picture was definitely him. I held my phone close to my face to get a better view. He wasn't smiling, but a long haired seal point cat laid across his shoulder ,with its tail covering a side of his face. ‘ugh, why is he so cute with zero effort.’ If someone were to walk in i would look pretty dumb. My phone so close to my face while i smiled and giggled like an idiot to myself. I washed my hands and walked out the bathroom heading back to the table. I slowed my pace when i noticed that Levi was at the table by himself.

“Uhm, they went to get more drinks.” He said as i took my seat looking over at the bar. Hitch had her arms leaned on the countertop as Erwin stood smiling down at her. His hand placed on her hip as she giggled at something he said ‘mans cant be that funny.’ i thought. “How are you?” Levi asked bringing my attention from the view at the bar to the beautiful raven haired man sitting inches away from me.

“I’m quite fine. How are you? I heard you were sick. Remind me to get your doctors info, he must work miracles.” I was proud of myself until i saw the slight frown on his face that he immediately replaced with his normal stoic look.

“Yeah, i think it was just a bad migraine...needed a break.” i nodded.

“You’re right, i’m sorry. I dont think i’ve ever heard of you missing a day of work.” Embarrassed with my unusual behavior i turned my gaze to watch the other occupants around us. Levi was silent next to me, but i could feel him looking at me and then down at his hands and then back to my face.

“I cant stop thinking about you.” He said in a faster pace than he usually talked. My heart quickened.

“What?” I said now giving him my full attention.

“I know its not ethical of me, but i cant get you out of my mind. I'm actually dreading Hange coming back because I'm not ready to let you go.” He opened his mouth like he had more to say but Hitch and Erwin's laughter killed whatever tension was in the air as they took their seats.

The rest of the night Levi seemed to have relaxed after his confession. That made one of us because now i was more nervous than before. I couldn't believe he would so confidently say something like that. I was used to men beating around the bush with me. Levi kept scooting closer to me throughout the night until his hand was the only thing from keeping our thighs touching. Hitch and I started our own conversation as Levi and Erwin started talking about work related things. Levi finished off his glass of whiskey as his pinky rubbed against my thigh which at first i thought was an accident until it started moving gently up and down. I tried to keep my face from showing any emotion as i listened to Hitch’s story about her class of 10th graders. I guess he took that as me enjoying it, which he wasn't wrong. His hand found its way to my thigh and he gave it a light squeeze. My face didn't react but my body sure was. My thighs squeezed together as the heat between my legs grew more intense. To make matters worse he pushed my legs apart with one hand and rubbed circles on my inner thigh. Now, I'm not tiny girl. I have curves, this mans whole hand was squeezing my full thigh like it was nothing.

A couple drinks later and we were heading out the doors. “Ivy, I'm gonna go home with Erwin, I would say take Levi to our place but,he doesn't seem like your type.” She giggled. Hitch wasn't wrong. Normally i would never go for guys like Levi. My typed seemed to be broken man-child’s who could never fully commit. Levi was the first older and very mature guy I'd ever had feelings for.

“I can drive you home.” Levi said as Hitch waved from inside the uber with Erwin.

“ Are you ok to drive?” I asked following him to his car. He threw a glance at me over his shoulder as if to say ‘really bitch?’

“I had 4 drinks Ivy. I could probably do a backflip right now.” He said opening the passenger door for me. “Besides, i wouldn't put you in any harm.” He said looking at me as he slid into his seat. It’s not like i was drunk out of my mind. I mean i paced myself like i always do and had water in between my drinks. I just still couldnt believe that the Levi everyone tried to stay clear of and stay on his good side was talking to me like this. Besides earlier today, he had never made me feel like i was a bother.

Levi reached over taking me out of my thoughts ‘oh my god he’s gonna kiss me.’ I prepared myself for our first kiss, but he leaned past me and grabbed my seatbelt clicking it. “Safety first.” He smirked at me before clicking his own seatbelt and starting the car.

Per usual Levi gave me the aux. I typed my address into his maps and, put on Lullaby by Umi and looked out the window. New York was beautiful at night. Especially this time of year when everything was decorated for Christmas. “ I meant what i said earlier.” Levi said making you look at him. God, he was fine. I studied his face, he was still looking at the road and glanced at me real quick. Tightening his grip on the wheel. “I feel like im going crazy.” He chuckled. “I’m actually losing sleep over it, you should feel bad for me.” He smiled and i laughed.

Levi parked outside my building. I felt stupid for not telling him that i felt the same. I was losing sleep over him too. “Do you want some tea before you go home? If we’re lucky you might kill enough time to miss Erwin and Hitch.” I laughed trying to cut through the thick air in the car that appeared after his second confession.

“Yeah i’d like that.” He said turning off the car and hopping out to come open my door before i did. He followed me up to my apartment on the second floor. “ I hope you're not allergic to dogs.” I turned to him, my back pressed against my door.

“Allergic? no. Wary? Most definitely.” I nodded and held a finger up at him.

“Wait here and when you hear me, come in.” He nodded as I slipped inside the door. My doberman Arlo already waiting at the door to either greet or snap at who came in. “Okay, you can come in.” I said grabbing my pup’s collar. Levi looked right and left before coming in and his eyes widened as he looked at Arlo by my side. “Come, let him smell you so he knows you’re not a threat.”

“I’m not sure i wanna do that.” Levi awkwardly laughed.

I rolled my eyes smiling at him “ Now don’t tell me you’re scared of my little baby.”

“Tch, i wouldn’t consider him little.” Levi scoffed. “If he’s harmless than why are you holding him back?”

“Because he can smell your fear and that’s what gets him going.” I laughed at my little joke but Levi didn’t find it funny as he glared at me which only made me laugh harder. “No, i just wanted you to feel safe. See I'm in control, He listens to me.” I said letting go of Arlo’s collar telling him to stay and he did just as i said. I reached my hand out to Levi and he cautiously grabbed it. I pulled him over to us and stood us in front of Arlo. Holding Levi’s wrist in my hands as he slightly stood behind me i let Arlo sniff him. He sniffed his hand a couple times and then started to lick it. “ See! he accepts you.” I smiled at Levi, leaning down and rubbing Arlo behind his ears “such a good boy!” I praised. Levi held his hand a little away from him because it was covered in slobber.

“Come here, you can wash your hands in the kitchen while I start the tea.” I said leading him to the kitchen sink.

“Your apartment is very clean.” Levi said watching me take off my shoes and slip on my slippers. He took his shoes off as well and i placed them on the shoe rack near the front door. That’s something i noticed Levi and i had in common. I kept my house tidy, or at least tried to. Hitch was kind of unorganized but we managed.

“Thank you i try. My mom would give me an ear full if my place was dirty. Growing up she instilled cleanliness in us so now i cant help but to continue the tradition.” I said placing a coaster down and putting his tea in front of him. Sitting down across from him with my own mug of peach and ginger sweetness.

“My mom is the same way, she used to clean houses when I was a kid and would sometimes take me on big jobs with her. Its like a hobby now.” He smiled like he enjoyed a memory in his mind.

“I didn’t know your mom used to clean homes?” Not judging but i and many people at the company assumed Levi grew up a rich kid the same way Erwin did. “I don't talk about it. I’m pretty sure none of my colleagues grew up they way i did.” He trusted me enough to let me in on that detail about his life. My heart swelled.

“Talk to me about you.” He said leaning back in his seat.

“Ugh, i hate that question. I never know what to say.” I groaned dramatically, rubbing my scalp.

“Fine lets do a game. I ask a question and then you can ask me one in return. Nothing is off limits.” I could get down with that.

“Well ask me something specific.” He rubbed his chin thinking.

“What’s your middle name?” Okay he’s starting off tame.

“Rose. What’s yours?” Great question Ivy. Even though i really wanted to ask what color his di-

“Tal. How old are you?” What a beautiful name.

“That's beautiful, does it mean something? and I'm 26.” He nodded taking another sip of tea.

“ It’s Hebrew for rain dew. That’s a relief because you look like you could be 20.” He said smirking.

“I always get told that, i guess i should consider it a compliment. Do you speak Hebrew?” Now I'm gonna imagine him giving me commands in two different languages. ‘God, why is my mind always in the gutter when he’s around?’

“Its a compliment. You’ll appreciate it more when you get older, and I speak enough. I’m surprised you didn't ask me how old i am.”

“That’s because I already know your age Levi dot Ackerman 87.” I smirk at him trying to look unfazed.

“Are you stalking me?” He asked finishing off his tea and placing it into my dishwasher. ‘That shouldn’t be hot but it is.’

“Quite the contrary Levi. I think you have been stalking me.”

“How’d you find out?” Shame. I thought he was gonna deny some more.

“Come here.” I waved him over, he stands behind my seat as i open up my phone and show him how you can view whos seen your snap story. He leans down his face near mine as he looks over my shoulder as i point out his name. He scoffs and i laugh. "Now, 35 ain’t old but that was definitely an old person mistake.” I begin to laugh harder as he glares down at me a small smirk on his lips.

Levi joins in my laughter. After awhile we calm down staring at each other in silence. Levi pushes a curl behind my ear. “So beautiful.” He mumbles. “You make it impossible to not want you.” He says caressing my jaw. I don't even care about the consequences now, I've never wanted anyone as bad as i want him.

Levi grabs my chin making me look up at him. His thumb going over my bottom lip. I’m drunk on him and he’s barely touched me. The way he’s looking down at me like I'm the most fragile, beautiful thing he’s ever laid his eyes on has me feeling hot in more ways than one. I open my mouth a little as Levi pushes his thumb inside. I don’t know what’s coming over me, what spell his ashen eyes have on me. I graze my bottom teeth over his digit, giving a kitten lick before closing my mouth around it.

“Suck.” Is the only command Levi gives me and I do as I'm told, keeping eye contact. A scarlet tint covers Levi’s cheeks as his mouth opens slightly, and if i thought he couldn’t get any hotter he lets out a low groan as i grab onto his wrist to take his thumb further into my mouth.

“I don’t care what happens.” He says removing his thumb and standing me up. Everything feels like it happens in one fluid motion as Levi pushes me up against the kitchen wall. One hand around my neck and the other that has a tight grip on my hip. The way Levi is kissing me, i can’t explain it. Like he’s making love to my mouth. His kisses are slow and sensual, running his tongue in my mouth like he’s trying to savor the last drop. The hand on my waist has now traveled to grip my thighs like earlier, but he doesn’t stay there. Levi pushes my legs apart with his knee and glides his hand up my thighs until he’s playing with my panty line. He releases my mouth for a second to help me out of my underwear. I’ve never been more proud of myself for wearing a thong. Levi stares me deep in my eyes as he puts my thong in his pocket instead of discarding it on the floor. I never knew it was possible to be as wet as I am.

Instead of holding me neck his hand is hovering near my hair “May i?” He asks and not able to find words i just nod with my mouth slightly ajar. Levi grabs the hair on the back of my head gently gripping it and pulling my head back to gain full access to my neck. He’s careful to not leave hickeys on the places it would be hard to cover. He kisses up my neck back to claim my mouth again. I could kiss him for hours. “Turn around.” He says before giving my one last kiss on my lips. I do as he says and he unzips the back of my dress. But he doesn’t take it all the way off, just my back and the top of my ass is exposed. I don’t feel him touching me anymore so i glance over my shoulder. Levi is just taking in my appearance. “It should be criminal being able to touch you the way i am.” he says running a finger up my spine giving me chills. He steps closer to whisper in my ear. “And it should be very criminal the way I'm about to ruin you. I don’t want to leave room for any thoughts of another man again in that pretty head of yours.” He kisses my cheek as he peels my dress off. Grabbing my hand to help me step out of it. I began to turn around. “No, turn back around for me.” I nod turning back around. My breast pushed against the wall. Levi moved my hair off my shoulders to kiss my neck, down to my shoulders, making his way to leave open kisses against my spine. He’s on his knees behind me as he’s kissing the dimples above my ass. One hand keeping me steady against the wall while the other spreads my thighs. Levi kisses my ass. I moan, I never thought gentle kisses on my ass would turn me on and get me this wet. At this point I'm dripping and he hasn’t even touched my sacred part yet. Levi chuckles and then does it again to each one giving it a little nibble. "I just wanna worship this ass.” He uses the hand that spread my thighs to slap my ass, running his tongue on the reddened skin after. Another moan escapes my lips “Levi, please.” I pant.

He kisses his way back up to my mouth. His large hands gripping and groping all over me except where i need him the most. I hook my leg over his hip to bring him closer. The hand not kneading my breast slides down my abdomen and right between my legs where I've been craving him. I let out a gasp as he gathers my slick before inserting one, then two fingers in. “Because you asked so nicely” He smirks against my mouth. His fingers are sinful, using his thumb to circle my clit while his index and middle finger curl and stretch me out. Bringing me close to the sweet release that’s been building up. Levi pulls away his fingers and his mouth from me, earning himself a frown and a confused look. The lust filled look in his eyes is one of hunger, like he wants to do nothing but devour me. Bringing up the fingers he just had inside me he sucks off the juices i left on him. “Mmm, just as sweet as i imagined. I don’t think i can continue without tasting more.” I’m in awe, his eyes, the moan he let out tasting me on his fingers, the language. I do nothing but nod leading him to my bedroom with his hands on my hips and his lips never leaving my neck. This man is the grand multi tasker. How he can do this in a dimly lit hall and not skip a beat is beyond me. There is nothing he can’t do.

“Lay on the bed for me. Keep your legs open.” I crawl on the bed laying my head against my pillow, Levi waits for me to pull my legs up and spread them. He smiles as I do so. “Good girl.” He says walking to my bedside table using my little remote to turn the fairy lights in my room a beautiful shade of purple. “Much better, I like to see while I eat.” He smirks unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off. ‘Damn’ I mean i know he had some muscle from how broad his shoulders look in his button ups but this man was art. Art I wanted to drag my tongue across. Levi stood at the foot of the bed, grabbing my legs to pull my down to the end of the bed. He kneeled eye level to my pussy. I’ve only had a couple guys go down on me before. A couple hookups in college and rarely my ex would. They all sucked, so i grew to not care for it, thinking maybe it was just me from hearing the stories my friends talked about mind blowing orgasms they got from it. I also never did much with lights on. Always feeling insecure in my body since a young age. Levi was opening the door for a lot of my firsts.

I suddenly felt self conscious about being so exposed. Physically and mentally. “Don’t hide from me.” He said opening my legs again rubbing up and down my thigh. My hands covered my face. “Ivy, i wont do this if it makes you uncomfortable.” Levi peeked at me from around my legs grabbing my arm to take my hands off my face.

“No!” I said a little too eager. “I just, I don't do oral.. often. I’ve never finished and i don’t want you to think its something you did. I think I'm just broken.” I awkwardly chuckled. The look on Levi’s face was pure disbelief, quickly replaced with determination and lust.

“Sit up, i want you to watch me. I’m so eager to taste you again, it should be something we both enjoy. “ He said kissing my inner thighs as I leaned up on my elbows nodding at him to show I'm ready. He kissed all the way up my thigh. First placing a gentle kiss on my clit. I had to keep from moaning. He brought both my legs over his shoulder placing another kiss on my clit flicking his tongue on the sensitive bud. Switching his flicks out for swirls had me opening my legs for him more. ‘Yeah I definitely hadn't had it like this.’ I bucked my hips forward throwing my head back to let out breathy moans. Levi slid two fingers in me gently nipping my clit then swirling his tongue around it before sucking. “Ungh Levi i-.” He smirked up at me repeating the same combo over again. I felt euphoric. If there was a drug of this feeling i would be a fiend.

I gripped the hair on the back of his head as Levi removed his fingers and ate me out the same way he was kissing me in the kitchen, hot and sloppy. I couldn’t help but to buck against his face trying to catch that release. “Such a good girl, fuck my face just like that.” As if he said magic words the air in my lungs were knocked out and all i could do was moan his name like a dirty chant. “That’s it Ivy.” He said leaning over me placing his two fingers back in as he brought me over the edge.

I lay on the bed panting like a ran a marathon. Levi crawled over me smirking kissing up my abdomen, over tp my breast giving each nipple a bite. He kissed me rolling his tongue over mine. “You see how good you taste? I could eat you all day.” I sat up on my knees to unbuckle his pants. Levi stood off the bed to pull his pants down, now standing in his black briefs that did nothing to hide the tint. Tint was actually an understatement, The head of his dick was poking out from his waistband. It glistened under the purple light. I sat up on my knees to kiss him again placing my hand on his bulge. ‘There's no way this is gonna fit.’ I thought to myself. “Ivy, i uh i dont have condom. I didnt expect for this to happen. We dont have to do this tonight."

“I’m on the pill!” I said a little to eager. Even after that leg shaking orgasm i just had i still wanted him, needed him. “And i trust you.” I said pulling him closer by hooking my finger into his briefs.

“I trust you too.” The look in his eyes was soft, like his words meant more. Kissing him again I pulled his briefs down and laid back onto my bed as he stepped out of them. My eyes went right to his member. I always imagined Levi would be packing. He had an aura about him. He had to at least be 7 1/2 or 8 inches I'm not sure. The girth is what got me, nice and thick with a slight curve. I wanted him in my mouth. I leaned forward to return the favor.

“You don’t have to do that. “ He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Plus I'm dying to be inside of you.” He said settling on top of me capturing my lips again. Levi grabbed his dick rubbing it between my folds gathering my slick on his tip. Gently pushing inside. I gripped his shoulders. Digging my nails into his skin. Its been almost a year since I last had sex but, regardless i don't think that would make taking him any easier. Levi buried his face in the crook of my neck as he pushed all the way in “fuck, you're so tight baby.” Levi moaned his voice muffled. Not wanting to wait to adjust i pushed my hips against him to let him know to move.

Levi was slow and sensual, taking his time dragging out of me and pushing in painfully slow. “Leviii ungh.” I moaned throwing my head back against the pillows.

“Use your words.” He used one arm to keep himself above me while the other slowly tightened around my neck. Kissing me hard. “Use your words baby.” He murmured against my lips. Keeping his sinful deep and slow pace.

“Faster, please fuck me faster. Ruin me Levi.” That’s all he needed. The grip around my neck tightened making me clench tighter around his dick. Levi pulled one of my legs over his shoulder and began his assault on my pussy. At this point my only vocabulary was ‘right there’ or ‘harder’. Levi was fucking me dumb that soon i couldn't say anything but incoherent words mixed with his name.

“You cant even speak can you baby?” Levi said against my ear not letting up on his pace. He reached his hand between you two to rub on your clit. It was too much, but you loved it.

“Levi i mm please.” He smirked at me barely forming a sentence. Levi sat up on his knees holding my legs behind my knees. Slowing his pace down a little but the way he slammed into you was ungodly and as you felt your second release that night building up you didn’t want him to stop.

“You’re, gonna take all of this dick. Like the good girl you are.” He said flipping me over to all fours. This new position putting him so deep I let out a muffled scream as pressed my face in the pillows. “Answer me.” He says slapping my ass. The grip he has on my hips is sure to leave bruises.

“Yes Levi.” I moaned out his name. Levi switched to long deep strokes while reaching his hand between us again to rub on my clit. This man was gonna kill me. Now i could see why some woman went crazy over dick. I don’t know how any other man could ever compare in bed now that i had Levi. I didn’t want other man again. Levi had me already thinking about a monogamous relationship[p. Had me imagining a white picket fence and what our kids would like.

“ Look at yourself”. Levi pulled my chin up to look in my large mirror across the room. He had a nice view of himself fucking me. The look in his eyes as he looked down at his dick going in and out of me to him looking up smirking in the mirror. Levi’s mouth was slightly open and his brow furrowed as he let out pants and moans. Leaning over to whisper the most lewd things of what he wanted to do to my body. ‘I wanna hear how loud you scream when i put it in your ass. would you let me do that baby?’ to ‘I want you on all fours watching me in the mirror as I eat it from behind.’

“Levi i mmm i’m gonna cum.” I moan pushing my ass back to meet his thrusts. “Me too baby, i’m so close. Turn around i wanna look at you when you come on my cock.” Levi laid me on my back like i weighed nothing. God, this man is everything. He leaned down to kiss me picking his pace up again, i tightened around him. My second orgasm that night crashing hard. My back arching a bit off the bed as Levi is still fucking into me chasing his orgasm.

”Keep fucking me like that baby.” He says as i raise my hips to meet his while he rubs my clit again overstimulating me in the best way. At this point i don't know if I'm screaming or moaning.

Levi finishes collapsing on top of me, laying his head on my chest. Both of us laying there trying to catch our breath. He looks up at me. Both us laughing because the only sound in the room is us panting. He looks over at the the clock reading 3:51. “ I haven't been up this late in awhile. “ He chuckles laying next to you, propping himself up on his elbow to look at you.

“What?” I smile. He must think i look a sweaty mess.

“Nothing, i just think you’re beautiful. I cant believe i had the balls to actually do it.” his smile fades for a second.

“What do you mean?” His raven hair is hanging in his face. His sweat causing some strands to turn wavy. I run my fingers through his hair.

“ I was supposed to be in California for a couple months not Hange. But i convinced them to take my spot and bring Moblit with them. Hange of course jumped at the idea of going to LA since they have some family there. They were worried about leaving you so i told them i would take you as my paralegal for the time being since i hadn't met you officially. I had only seen you in meetings with Hange. And Ivy i have to tell you it took me weeks to realize that i never put myself first. I wanted you and i had to have you. Plus it doesn’t hurt being your own boss so i can bend the rules.” He smiled smirking at me.

I had no idea this whole time he had wanted me. He saw me from my first day and knew he had to have me. God, this is not something i would have ever thought to happen. But I'm glad it did, now a new feeling of abandonment and jealousy if someone else wanted him as bad as i do comes to mind. I didn’t think these feelings would happen so soon.

“What is it? Tell me what you’re thinking.” He said with his lips against the back of my hand. i shook my head looking away from him, getting ready to shower. But, he held my hand to keep me put. “If something is bothering you i want to know. You can talk to me about anything. I wanna be here for you.” Its lame to cry after sex right? My eyes welled up with tears. Men like him were not real. There has to be a catch.

“I’ve never done something like this. Anyone one night stand I've had was years ago and under the influence and i hardly knew

who they were or saw them again. I haven't been in a relationship in years and i.. i don't know. This amount of care and reassurance is new for me. I’m sorry for crying I'm such a baby.” I said getting up to hide my face and start the shower.

“Ivy, lets talk. I’m being honest. I want you and not just because we had the best sex i’ve ever had in my life. But because im drawn to you, and i feel like this could be something great and i get it. I’m not used to being this open but im not blind i saw how men were falling over you tonight and i just cant stand the thought of you not being mine.” He was now in the bathroom holding my face between both hands. Using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that found their way down. I nodded with more tears falling from my eyes.

“Baby look, we don’t have to talk about this tonight. Lets get cleaned up alright?” We showered. Cleaning each others bodies and giving gentle kisses filled with so much emotion. I stepped out before him to grab clothes in hopes that he would stay the night with me.

“Uhm these are my brothers from when he visits. But they should fit you.” I finished putting lotion on my body as Levi dressed. “Also if you want that is. No pressure. You can stay the night with me. I know you mentioned having to go to the office tomorrow but i mean its late and i would hate for you to make that long dr-”

“Ill stay” He chuckled pulling the shirt over his head.

‘Perfect because im exhausted after that workout.” I said laughing at how Levi winked at me. He got behind me in bed as i pulled the covers over us.

“A workout indeed.” He tickled my sides and giving me a kiss on the neck. We talked a bit more before bed. Sharing childhood stories. I laid on Levi’s chest drawing patterns on it with my finger as he told me a story about how much of a partier Erwin and Hange were in college. I closed my eyes the sound of his voice lulling me to sleep. Levi looked down as i opened my eyes. “ I swear i was listening.” He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “There will be more time in the future for these stories. Go to sleep, ill see you in the morning.” He pulled my chin up to kiss me deep, a couple pecks later i laid back down on his chest as Levi turned the lights off. The idea of doing this every night with him one day swelled my heart. I dont think i could ever let him go.

#attack on titan #levi ackerman #black reader #anime x black!reader #levi ackerman x black reader #smut

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hanahaki-arcade · 8 months

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Omega lore is fucking wilding bro

Omega stared up at the Civil Protection Squad, trying not to panic too much.

"Where are your papers, Citizen?"

"Uhhh, well, you see...."

It made a great show of digging through their bag for papers it knew it didn't have. It would need a miracle to get out of this...

"Hey!"

Omega straightened, recognizing the voice instantly. It smiled gratefully at Alyx as she got closer.

"They don't have papers. They just got here from City 14, and things got really messed up. We're trying to get it sorted out but you know how hard it is to get papers."

The Squad leader looked between Alyx and Omega.

"Who is this?"

Omega hadn't stated its name for...a reason, and tried to communicate that to Alyx with its eyes. Alyx gave it a small smile.

"Oh, that's Orchid...Hogswell. My mom's sister's husband's first cousin."

Omega nods, trying to keep a straight face as it feels the Squad Leader staring at it.

"Good luck with the papers then."

It nodded, wishing the squad a good day before walking away as fast as they could. Alyx walked right beside it.

"So, where have you been for the past four years?"

Omega looked away sheepishly.

"Well...uhh...you see, I..."

Alyx raised and eyebrow and it sighed.

"I got really anxious about living with you and your dad because I felt like I was being a burden and so I lied and said I had gotten designated living quarters...."

"That's a really stupid reason to just up and leave! We though you died!"

Omega looked completely ashamed.

"Sorry...if it makes you feel any better, I kinda did."

Alyx paused, looking down at Omega.

"What?"

"I...I faked my death when I was like, seventeen. In my defense I would have actually died if it had gone any farther sooooo..."

"The Combine think you're dead, and that's why you have me those puppy dog eyes."

"I'm suprised you still got what I meant."

Alyx chuckled, a smile spreading across her face.

"We're best friends. Of course I know when I need to give you a fake name and identity."

The two both laugh.

"Nice family tree though. Didn't know you had an aunt."

"I don't. Anyways, where do you live? I can walk you home."

Omega looked away again, and Alyx looked worried.

"Oh no. Omega...you do have a place to live, right?"

No reply.

"Oh my god. No, we're getting you back to my place."

Alyx grabbed its arm, while Omega tried to pull away.

"No! I'm fine!"

Alyx pulled them close.

"You are coming home with me, and you are going to tell my dad what happened. You are not going to be sleeping who knows where anymore, got it?"

Omega gulped, nodding.

"Thank you. Come on."

Omega walked with Alyx like it was walking to a death sentence.

#dream sweet in sea major; alyx x omega #there's nothing left but a post apocalypse punk; omega #half life oc

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paragonrobits · 1 year

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Hey it’s been a while since i gave any kind of update so here’s my current situation!

The whole thing with my aunt fell through, though it wasn’t anything on our part and we were getting along just fine (also i randomly ran into my mom’s sister, whose my only aunt on her side of the family, which was nice!); the long and short of what happened is that my dad never actually looked into checking if we COULD live there or not, and the management was extremely strict on how long people were allowed to visit, and just moving people in was not allowed at all.

My dad was constantly being asked by my aunt to provide important stuff; for instance, documentation that needed to be handed in IMMEDIATELY for them to even begin the paperwork to CONSIDER me being allowed to be there or not. He kept talking about how he would definitely give it, and then he would just... not do that. He kept flaking on literally everything. The one time he DID follow up on his promises, he gave her a letter specifying how much i make in social security, and it was out of date by OVER TEN YEARS.

(Needless to say, they did not take it.)

Complications kept piling up, one after another. We weren’t allowed to be outside at ALL before management went home at afternoon. We had to keep the windows shut at all times to prevent anyone from seeing us. We couldn’t play our computers after 5:00 because then the neighbors would apparently hear it and complain to management. There was a super-nosy neighbor who was constantly snitching on everyone to management for no reason... it just went on. The entire time my dad refused to listen to me when i kept telling him how serious it was getting, insisting that my aunt was delusional and making it up. At one point management came down and gave her a warning, and said they were going to install cameras so they could see anyone who was breaking their rules.

(Fuckin’ landlords, I tell you.)

So eventually my dad just picked us up and moved us back into his place, and further more, had the idea to renovate the garage, or a part of it, into a section for us to live. We’re still working on that, but at least i have a place to put up my gaming computer so i can play it now and use it for things that demand more high power. He’s picked up most of the stuff from my aunt’s, except my desk, which he forget. (Despite it being a huge desk.)

So now we’re in the garage. I’m still living in the living room, more or less, which has unofficially become my space, and my dad keeps presurring me to just move out full time into the garage and won’t listen to me when i tell him that i CAN’T because my cat doesn’t like being out there, and i can’t have her in there at the same time as the air mattress my brother is using, because she WILL pop it just walking on it.

HE says “well don’t let her do that” while his dogs are constantly urinating on the floor and no matter how much everyone is complaining about the dogs doing that, they’re also not making any effort to train them to stop it besides telling them to go outside.

But all things considered, this is still a massive improvement. There are still problems, of course; my dad is still having me pay 500 a month to him and that represents more than half of my income from SSI, as I think I’ve mentioned before. Furthermore, we’re not allowed to eat food from his fridge at all (though seasonings seem okay?) and have to buy all our own food. Good news is, they got us a fridge to use. The bad news is, he expects me to feed two people on less than 160$ a month and, as usual, just thinks its fine for me to live indefinitely in a situation he wouldn’t tolerate for even a day.

Still, its pretty tolerable, all things considered; i am considering doing more frequent but shorter comms for 15$ or 30$ at a time which would make things much easier and allow me to buy more food instead of having to wait for my brother to hopefully get a job (he’s looking, but that can take a while)

on the plus side, my brother was given a higher quality laptop, and gave me his old one. It is indeed old, incapable of running games other than ALpha Centauri or DOS era games, but it DOES make an absolutely fantastic writing computer, which is what I’m now using it for. Since its portable, i can just park it in the living room while I’m allowed to be in there and do my writing, and do game stuff later in the day on my old desktop, which permits a decent schedule.

so far i’ve come to a few conclusions:

1. a lot of this would have been avoided if my dad had bothered asking anyone if what he intended to do was actually allowed, and more importantly, that he apparently operates on the principle of “everything will work out fine because i want it to’

2. my oldest step-brother is undoubtedly my dad’s favorite and i’ve already cracked a mildly bitter joke about him actually being the son my dad always wanted (because he’s into military stuff, got married and has a kid), and I’m certain about this because in the relatively short time he’s been here at some point after I moved out into my sister’s, they completely reordered the house to suit his needs. They cleared out a room and converted it into a child’s bedroom, they got rid of the dining table and made the area it was in into a living room for his use, they fixed the air conditioning when the whole time me and my brother were here they ignored how hot that room got and insisted there was nothing they could do...

honestly its really grating that he was entirely willing to dump me and my brother at a homeless shelter until his sister bullied him into NOT doing that, but if that step-brother I mentioned has the slightest inconvenience he can’t trip over himself fast enough to fix it but at this point i’ m just too exhausted to care that much.

#personal #johnny stuff #queued

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melancholyandfrogs · 2 years

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I'm writing a essay about my generational house—here's some things about it:

it is a house in Birdland, Clarkston, MI / it was built by my grandparents, Barbara and Robert, over the course of a few years and finished in 1966 / before that, my papa can't remember where they lived / he is third generation Italian immigrant, and the first to graduate college

my papa, John, was 5 / his sisters, Cindy and Lisa, were 6 and 3 / they were heavily italian in white-Michigan in the early 1960s / my papa tried but generational trauma from their racism is passed down / there is pigment in the hair of my arms that i'm still ashamed of

they only had money to put grass in the front yard, so after the house was finished, they spent the rest of the next two years trying to grow grass themselves / before the grass grew, my papa and his mother built two gardens in the backyard between the ages of 5 and 7

this was before I-75 was built / because of this, one of his first memories is a bald eagle flying over his backyard with a squirrel in its talons / the area wasn't populated yet / there were snakes (rattlesnakes and gardener snakes, as papa says, were the most common) and animals and amazing things were all around still

papa got his first pet (a half terrier, half chihuahua dog named Tubbs) between 1967-1968 when he was 6ish / every day she would run over to the neighbor’s back patio and do her business, refusing to go anywhere else, and every day, patiently, my grandmother would go and clean it up

his grandmother, Adalina, used to give him a fifty cent piece and say “Don’t tell your mom, she’ll put it in the bank.” / after a few months, when he was eight, papa used the collected money to buy an apple tree, and the weirdest thing is that it never grew apples

when he was a young teenager, Tubbs died / my grandmother wrapped Tubbs up in my papa’s baby blanket and buried her under the apple tree / it bloomed for the first time in his life but that year, it only grew one apple (he ate it) / the tree still blooms every year on the same month (three weeks behind other indeginous apple trees) / the apples are delicious

they would routinely come down to Saginaw (about a 1 1/2 hour drive) and would get samples from flowers and plants from my dad's Aunt Meg and Uncle Sam's yard / my grandmother is 1 out of 12 children / only my Great Uncle is still alive / they would bring the flowers home / papa only remembers the Forget Me Nots

every year, my grandmother would get seeds from her mother's place in Detriot / she brought seeds from Italy (an immigrant) and because of that my grandmother planted Rose of Sharon all along the back of the gardens / they're blooming white and purple as I'm writing this

my grandmother wanted Poplar saplings in the very end of the backyard and my papa still smiles as he talks about planting them / there is still tension left in his hands / he told me the rows of them couldn't have been straighter

there was virtually no neighbors around the house until the mid-1970s / until about 1978, there were large woods behind the house that papa played in as a child / these woods slowly disappeared as plot land was bought / I think he still misses them

most of the surrounding neighbors were white, blue-collar families / there was one hispanic family and one Black family / the Italian skin that is passed down grows darker in the summer, he was darker than the hispanic family but lighter than the Black one / he has told me stories of angry mothers who snapped white boy and cruel men / I tell him time have changed / that Italian is no longer a slur

papa used to catch gardener snakes that hid under logs in the woods / his mother doesn't like snakes / he would put them in the garden that she wanted him to weed with her later that day / he got away with it a lot / he remembers a time he caught a snake on his way to school / he put in a brown paper bag / she caught him and he laughed while mocking her, "Johnny, you got a snake in that bag?" "Yeah, ma, I do." / he still didn't have to weed the garden

every day he went through the woods to get to school / there was a swamp in the woods and he would hunt salamanders, lizards, snakes and frogs / he would collect salt packets from McDonald’s to put on the leeches that he’d get at the swamp / he'd have to take off his shoes, socks and roll up his pants so he wouldn't get in trouble / he still admitted that he went in the swamp anyway

there is one bathroom on the first floor and one bathroom on the second / my papa's bedroom used to be in the basement / he moved onto the second floor when he was ten / that room is my cousin Adeline's room now / until she was four, it was still his navy blue / now it is fushia

when papa was eight he stuck his head through the guardrail on the stairs / his father was mad when he took it apart / they are still loose to this day / nobody is going to fix it / it is like a poem already

the house is two stories / my grandmother thought that it would make people think she is successful / she grew up with eleven siblings and two parents and animals / she grew up poor / she lived her life like she was poor until the day she died / on my eightenth birthday I recieved bonds from her / she wants me to live my life like I am poor too

papa lives his life like he is poor / there have been nights that he was dumpster diving for money / or food / he told us it is okay / it is okay to cry about things like this / he taught me how to make the most out of it / he has never let us go hungry

there is a hand rail that was on the four steps up to kitchen from the first living room / the hand rail was taken out of the house when my grandmother died / papa made sure it was polished and drilled it onto the floor of my kitchen, which has one step up from the dining room floor / we don't trip on the step / we use the hand rail anyway

there are two living rooms / one has 'new' couches that my cousins aren't allowed to sit on until their parents consider them 'old' / they understand that people need to be comfortable / they are still scared to have ugly things / ruined things / anyway

one has a big piano in it / my grandmother grew up in the great depression and to make money she would play the piano / she was called a prodigy / she is in the background of albums and old school band recitals / nobody remembers her name / she died in a little side room her husband used as a office / it is my cousin Preston's gaming room now / there is nothing disrespectful about this

there’s a large, 50 year old maple tree in the front yard that’s a seedless maple / it's grown from a branch from a tree that my great-grandpa, Emory, who my papa is named after, planted when he was young / this tree was in Italy / he took the branch with him when he came to America / there is something to be said about him unwilling to leave the smell of his own leaves behind

when Grandpa Robert’s twin brother, Richard, died, it was the first and last time that maple tree ever produced seeds / none were collected / the tree is supposed to be infertile

papa knew where the wild raspberries grew in the surrounding, previously endless area of flora / there were freshwater springs he could drink from / in the afternoon where it would get hot, he knew where the big rocks were that he could nap on with Tubbs before she passed / when we talked on the phone, he called himself feral

this house is why, when papa moved out, he bought the biggest farmland he could and made sure we (me, my sister and brother) knew about the woods / he dug his own pond / he calls it a taste of life that’s ‘bigger than the city’ / he doesn't like cities / he lived as taxi driver in Ann Arbor for 8 years anyway / Ann Arbor is the closest thing to New York that small town kids from Bridgeport like me can get / the air is never as stale than it is there

I grew up trick or treating at this house / the house is on a hill / Clarkston has enough hills to make Mount Everest blush / my legs have muscles that still ache from those cold nights / my papa used to drive our van along the hills, waiting at the end, recording us shrieking and giggling / we raced our cousin Dominic from house to house

papa grew up trick or treaing at this house / his birthday is November 1st / he is born five days before my mother / his nieghbors knew him (they all knew each other) / he would get extra candy on Halloween as a birthday present / he gave me this as a reason he steals some of my candy every year

when talking about this I did not know my great-grandmother's name / my sister was supposed to be named after her / I had forgot where my father's middle name came from (great-grandfather Emory) even though it's my trans friends chosen name because I told her how much it means to me / she said she likes it anyway

he asked me twice if he was talking too slow for me / he was talking too fast / papa only left out some of the good things / he doesn't know how to leave the bad things behind / he raised us with the impression that those are not the things someone should hide / this house is in my blood / I do not remember the color of the kitchen walls

#my writing #rambling from above #generational differences #generational trauma #what am i supposed to tag this as #original poetry #poetry #poem

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