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#so ANYWAYS point is it doesnt count as self care
carcinized · 2 years
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I will work on C-17 soon <- lie lie lie lie
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anonymouscheeses · 4 months
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Even more and more of obvious shit I point out because I want an excuse to rant while not interacting with actual people in real life who also like this show because I'm masking 😍💜💜
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BARELY STARTED AND BRO. YOU JUST LET HER DO THAT TO YOU, ME PERSONALLY-
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HE'S PETTING KEE-KEE I LOVE HIM SMM
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HER HOOVES. I LOVE IT. NOT LIKE THAT, IM JUST A FURRY-
*grabs pen*
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ANGRY CHARLIE FOR THE WIN. I LOVE WHEN THE HAPPY CHARACTER GETS ANGSTY (Cough. Luz. Cough).
The people writing fanfics where she gets FURIOUS. Omg. That was something I read. I LOVE MY FELLOW FANFIC WRITERS BUT OH MY- YALL REALLY HAD CHARLIE M A D.
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"Uh-"
I love his reaction lmao look at his goofy face.
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HER BOW BECAME HORNS (my "redesign" is now 100% worse)
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SAD VAGGIE. THE BOW. DROOPY.
Oh and the angel dust fellow back there 🤯
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I LOVE ROSIE SO MUCH HUH
Tall.
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No explanation needed. <3
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PLEASE HELP???
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CUTIE PATOOTIE. I LOVE HER SM UGGHHH
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CHARLIE HATES OLD PEOPLE COMFIRMED YAY 😍😍💅💅
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Hot
That's it.
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IN SYNC. I LOVE THIS SONG AND THE ENTIRE SCENE. WHY IS IT RANKED SO LOW WITH SOME OF YALL?? Okay well-
I thought this song was gonna be a Charlie and Vaggie duet- tbh I still preferred that BUT I LOVE CARMILLA SO I KINDA DONT CARE.
BUT I WAS ROBBED OF AN ACTUAL FULL CHAGGIE DUET (REPRISE DOESNT COUNT) IF H*SKERDUST GETS A FULL ONE WHY CAN'T CHAGGIE? *SOB* uhh anyway-
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Is that. Like. How she thinks actually 😰
I know there's been a lot of the lack of Vaggie's self-worth, which I wish was explored into more. I just think the Vaggie(3rd) episode just wasn't needed at all if it didn't even have an impact. Don't get me started on that episode, it was rushed, too early to have character arcs already, and overall not needed or even should have existed periodt.
I hope they explore it next season because GOD this woman needs TO LOVE HERSELF. OR ATLEAST CARE ABOUT HERSELF LIKE????
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SWEET MAMA PLEASE. TAKE ME IN YOUR WINGS AAAAAAAAA
Charlie, sharing is caring <3
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Out of all the people I thought Charlie would vent to I didn't think it would be ROSIE. It's a nice surprise tho I love her <3
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bisexuality.
That's it.
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HE'S DANCING. ALASTOR IS DANCING. THEY ARE SLAYING BESTIES. THE MAN IS DANCING. HELP.
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Season 2 is going to be Charlie in her villain era and Alastor's reputation era 😍
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I LOVE VAGGIE'S FACE. PRECIOUS BABY UGHH... THEN THE WINGS REPLACE THE BOW AND DROOP UGGHH I HOPE IN SEASON 2 WE SEE MORE OF HER WINGS. OR CUT HER HAIR SHORT SO WE CAN HAVE IT ALL THE TIME. Also so Husk and Vaggie can bond over both having wings. Sorry I love their potential friendship so much. AND LUCIFER AND VAGGIE TOO!! BOTH BEING FALLEN ANGELS OMG. UGH THE POTENTIAL OF VAGGIE'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH NOT JUST CHARLIE ARE SO GOOD AND I HAVE BEEN ROBBED OF SEEING HER AS AN ACTUALLY MORE FLESHED OUT CHARACTER. I AM SCREAMING AAAAAAAA.
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I can't say how much I love them. It's too much. I cant- yay the teaser image before the show came out <3 they are so fucking adorable. UGH SOME1 END ME
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Charlie loves the wings hehehe. Vaggie looks nervous about it. It's probably a reminder to her about when she used to be an exterminator. The healing from everything will take a long time but hopefully Charlie will be there for her the entire time. And vice versa
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Ayo- 😰
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CHARLIE. T H E PRECIOUS BABY.
Uh next one tomorrow cuz yeah 🤯
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sporesgalaxy · 9 months
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PLS.. share thoughts on zoro n sanji relationship........ i dont ship them but they are so. SOOOOO.
THEY MAKE ME CRAZZYYYYY. and honestly the way their dynamic make me insane doesnt even HAVE to be read as romantic. But i feel so much crazier when i see them shipped and its not even capitalizing on all the shit theyve got going on.
So anyways here's my Zoro and Sanji retrospective I spent several hours on I guess. As if it's my fault.
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When Zoro and Sanji meet, Sanji has given up on his dream to see the All-Blue in favor of supporting Zeff.
Zoro is still throwing himself at his dream to be the greatest swordsman with all his might, and nearly dies to Mihawk for it.
Initially, from Sanji's outside perspective, it seems like a waste of precious life.
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Zoro promising never to disappoint Luffy when he's on death's door clearly makes Sanji reconsider, though.
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•••
The next time Sanji and Zoro really interact after Zoro's defeat is when they go after Nami at Arlong Park.
And the first thing Sanji learns about Zoro is.......that he's willing to hit girls!
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To Sanji, Zoro seems like he's willing to turn on someone-- and worse, willing to hurt a girl-- just because he's angry for an apparent betrayal that no one has any concrete proof of yet. What a jerk! Surely that earned him the dig Sanji makes about his loss to Mihawk.
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Unbeknownst to Sanji, however, Zoro has already bet his life on Nami's friendship being genuine by almost drowning himself.
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Zoro doesn't want to bother explaining this to some stupid new guy who's willing to side with a stranger purely on the basis of her gender. Clearly, Sanji doesn't understand ANYTHING about this crew, and should just stay out of things.
And so their initial mutual dislike is born!!!
They tend to bicker a lot after this, but I think the next time Sanji brings up Mihawk is in Alabasta.
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Once again, Sanji is hitting below the belt because he's convinced Zoro's done something nigh-unforgivable: doubting Luffy. It's a reminder that their rivalry at this point is still built on genuinely misjudging each others' character.
Now at this point I've run out of my 100 daily shounen jump chapters so I can't find for you the PRECISE moment thet are mutually like "yeah ok fine you're a DECENT guy I GUESS" in Alabasta but I think it's the clock tower maybe? The point is that the whole crew has to work together VERY HARD to defeat Crocodile and it shows Sanji and Zoro that they can count on each other to support the crew, at least.
Their improved relationship is apparent in one of my fave downtime scenes so far: Sky Island jungle dinner :)
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I...don't think we've seen Sanji ask for help cooking before this point?? Much less from Zoro. So I fucking love that. And Zoro goes along with it, even though he complains!!!!! It shows perfectly how they now trust each other to help take care of the crew.
Another one if my fave examples of them counting on each other in a kind of funny way is when they're fighting Zombie Oars.
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Zoro pushes Sanji's buttons on purpose to get him to go along with it, and it works. But it also shows that Zoro was counting on him to give him a boost! The middle panel could even imply Zoro jumped before Sanji agreed to anything, which really proves how much they're willing to couny on each other now.
Which of course brings us to the conclusion of Thriller Bark and a WILD curveball in their relationship: thes self-sacrificial x2 combo.
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What Sanji does here floored me. At this point not only does he trust Zoro as a part of the crew, but he considers Zoro a more irreplacable member of the crew than himself.
And Zoro refuses to let him.
Now, we know from his initial fight with Mihawk that Zoro being willing to kill himself doesn't mean he considers his life unimportant. Zoro and Luffy are both unafraid of death, because they have to be willing to die to even have a ghost of a chance of achieving their dreams.
That's why Zoro chooses to take on Luffy's pain and why he is able to survive it.
Zoro's sacrifice obviously means a lot to Sanji. When Zoro refuses to acknowledge his sacrifice, Sanji goes along with that and covers for him.
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And of course he understands. The pain Sanji mentions here that Zoro is trying to spare Luffy from is the exact same pain that lead Sanji to give up on his dream of finding the All-Blue in favor of trying to repay his life debt to Zeff. Sanji wouldn't wish the guilt he feels for Zeff's leg on anybody.
Sanji shows a lot of concern for Zoro after this point up until the time skip!! He calls Zoro a hero to Brook, and tries to help Zoro deal with his excess injuries without drawing attention to them. Zoro is of course surly about it, because he's frustrated by his own limits. He got a taste of what Luffy goes through and it just made him more desperate to become strong enough to lighten Luffy's load.
I find their sort-of reset after the timeskip hilarious.
Sanji was already feeling deeply insecure when he got sent to the island of question your gender and sexuality-- things Sanji clearly considers very important to his identity. Since he can't bear to question himself, he relies on reacting combatively to things that challenge his masculinity. Kicking them, mostly. I'm sure he picked that up from Zeff.
Meanwhile, Zoro is THE most traditionally Masculine member of the crew besides Sanji by a long shot (Franky is in 3rd place as a self-professed freak with blue hair and pronouns who refuses to wear pants). Zoro is buffer than Sanji. And seemingly more stoic than Sanji. And Zoro has cool scars and uses three swords and his muscles are bigger and half the time he's not even wearing a shirt.
This masculinity contest between them was present before the timeskip too, but it's really the only good explanation for the extremeness of Sanji's sour attitude the moment he lays eyes on post-timeskip Zoro and remarks, aloud, "He's back. Like I really care..." after how much appreciation Sanji showed for Zoro's sacrifice before the timeskip.
Sanji WOULD be annoyed at his crewmate's seemingly effortless, unshakeable masculinity after two years of doggedly avoiding non-consensual crossdressing and constantly fighting for his life to outrun gay thoughts.
Zoro's side of things so far post-timeskip seems a bit less wound-up than Sanji. Zoro never takes an insult sitting down, and also just enjoys making snide remarks, so if Sanji's going to argue with him there's no reason for Zoro not to argue back.
This is why I am a gay Zoro truther, even if that gayness has nothing to do with anyone on the crew. Because its fucking hilarious if Sanji is one-sidedly trying to out-hetero-masculinity a literal gay man.
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idiomaticpunk · 2 years
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early meeting - pm
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pete mitchell x reader (she/her)
731 words
suggestive themes, maybe fluff like it's cute but not really fluff
minor top guns spoilers not proofread
this was meant to be a headcanon but here we are so it's a little less sophisticated then my other things
you liked dilfs. as your friends liked to call them. and yeah, you liked older men, but not only dads. your first boyfriend was 3 years older than you: you were 21, he was 24. your second boyfriend was 6 years older than you: your 23 self with his 29 self. and the older you became : the bigger the age gap was.
you had limits though. older than 50 was a no. but now that you were 30-ish…you could work with 60 as your limit. especially when that boy-or rather man was looking this fine, drinking his beer.
you didn’t know how old he was: but with a face and a toned body like that, that dilf can do whatever he wants to you. your friend, juliet, followed your gaze before smacking your shoulder.
“go for it, RC, saw him in the sick bay yesterday;shirtless;and if you don’t make your move, i will.”
“RC”, your call sign: standing for reverse cougar, given so nicely by Hangman and Coyote when they learned that you liked older men. and your friends doesnt have to tell you twice.
you walk towards the man, sliding your empty glass to Penny with a smile. When she follows you with her eyes; she smiles and winks at you, giving you a thumbs up.
You sit on the bar next to that mysterious and sexy man. “Penny, I’ll have whatever hottie over here is having.” Tonight’s dilf smiles, and put his phone on the counter, opening his mouth to speak up before the bell rings.
He looks around confused, and you just point the sign with your finger.
"you’re hot, but you need to learn how to read.”
“stop calling me hot and ask for my name, darlin’.
“Sure thing, what’s your name?”
“Maverick.”
You look at his jacket, and it clicks in your head. a hottie and pilot? that’s 50/50. he’s hot and older than you:great. but he’s a pilot:meh.
“oh so we’re playing with call signs, now? mine’s RC.”
"RC…?”
you wink at him before changing the subject.
“anyways, hotshot, how about you give me a name I can scream? call signs aren’t my things in bed.”
and his laugh breaks the ice finally: hopefully he ends up breaking other things, like your back, quickly enough. Seresin comes up to Maverick, patting his shoulder before thanking him for the free beers. In your mind, you note to thank him for that amazing pick up line he used on you years ago.
“alright: the name’s Pete. You need to tell me yours and what your call sign means…: I can’t be disadvantaged..”
Grabbing your stool, you drag it closer to Pete: an amazing name to moan in name, by the way, and make your knees touch as your face gets closer to his. You’re pretty sure you can count his eyelashes by now.
“It’s (Y/N) and RC stands for reverse cougar.”
He slides his card to Penny without breaking eye contact: and god, he’s so hot, and there’s only one thing you want to do right now: roam your hands on those fucking broad shoulders.
"maybe you should prove it. i know a bunch of pretty girls like you pretending to like older men when they only like 30 years old dads…"
"my roommate's not here tonight, so mine?."
your instructor was late, like you, but so weren't the worst here since he hadn't gotten here yet.
"hey, RC, great night?"
"i should give you his number: pretty sure he can give you some tips on how to make a girl cum."
you sit, fist bumps halo and phoenix, before waiting for cyclone and your teacher to enter the room. footsteps. that's all you can hear in the silent classroom.
but when you see him: you hope your teammates can't see the way your thighs involuntary press together. he looks at you, then at Rooster, who looked kind of sad or angry or who cares, and at hangman, who was just as shocked as you.
the dude who paid for his beer yesterday and whom he called grandpa was his instructor ?
the dude who fucked you so good last night and left your bed like 2hours ago is your instructor?
and when he winks at you when everyone's looking at Cyclone, you can't help but wink back. this is going to be interesting.
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namoamii · 10 months
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I know you said u dont count the anime as real and dont like it (fair), but whats ur opinion on the way it hints at (esp in Komaeda’s OVA) that he wants to be close friends with Souda and Kuzuryu in particular out of all the ultimates??
Komaeda's friend choice is actually one of the aspects that I find more interesting in DR2.5! And I sorta answered this in a previous ask:
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As I said in the screenshot, to me, the DR2.5 paints Komaeda as someone who refuses (or at least, want to refuse) the entire ideology of talent, (which is interesting considering the fact that he broke out of the simulation precisely by using his talent,) I guess it's a way to say "Komaeda values his friends more than talent"...?
Both Kuzuryu and Soda have a weird relationship with their talent, I think.
Kuzuryu's talent is kind of similar to Sonia's talent in that they are both inheriting a title, except Sonia accepts her role as a princess and succeeds in fulfilling that role (for the most part, she has her own little quirk but that's besides the point), whereas Kuzuryu has a hard time conform to the expectations his family is imposing onto him. This brings the question: What exactly makes him the Ultimate Yakuza? We never get to see this babyface freckle boy do anything Yakuza-ish except for the self-mutilation attempt, which is definitely not Yakuza's main job. For the most part, Kuzuryu seems to me like a regular edgy boy with a good heart, if you don’t tell me he is given the title of Ultimate Yakuza, I will not know that just by playing the main story (after chapter 2).
This brings me back to the question I rose earlier, and here’s my answer: To me, and this is really a personal opinion, I think these kinda ultimate titles (Yakuza, Princess) probably came from a more pragmatic and administrative side of Hope's Peak — the institution need money for their research facility, so they give out these titles to people who want clout for their children and have the capital to pay for it. Kuzuryu might not be the baddest toughest cruelest Yakuza who squeezes the most money out of civilians’ pocket, but he sure is the son of that Yakuza. Let alone his little sister — the Ultimate Little Sister, like, c’mon, that is not a real talent. (This fact is taken directly from Kuzuryu’s lines in SDR2 and I don’t care what DR3 has to say about it.)
Now, if you’re still following me, I want to propose that Komaeda in 2.5, who I think disagrees with Hope’s Peak’s ideology of Talent, chose to befriend Kuzuryu because this blond babyface is the living manifestation of this flimsy side of Hope’s Peak’s Talent ideology. DR2.5 Komaeda prefers to stay talentless, so he bonded with someone whose personality is not dictated by their talent, but rather his relationship with his friends (Peko, Hajime, etc.).
Soda's relationship with talent is also an atypical one, in a way that’s not like Kuzuryu’s. See, because most Ultimates’ personality kinda revolves around their talent (Ibuki who breathes death metal, Nidai who is the definition of a macho man), Soda stands out as the “normal” one. You can see from how constantly he draws himself to Hinata (another “normal” person), that despite his very distinct visuals, his personality does not showcase his quirk. He likes cute girls, he enjoys mecha, he has a not-so-secret crush on the prettiest girl in the class… He is a lot like Hinata — just happens to be really really good at building robots and rockets (and love doing it too).
So I think it is only natural for 2.5 Komaeda, who considers himself to be ordinary, to want to befriend with someone who is also acting quite ordinary for his age.
OR
Kodaka was too lazy to flesh out any other characters so he picked the two who lived the longest and are easiest for him to write to be our pretty boy’s sidekicks so that he doesnt have to think of anything new and interesting.
Anyway thanks for the ask I love you very much mwah
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ridiasfangirlings · 1 year
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hello!! thank u so much for ur misaru stuff, they keep me going!!! anyways i wanted to say what do u think about trans fushimi and oblivious yata? i think fushimi would think (at first) that despite his lack of knowledge yata is actually very supportive of who he is?? wow. and then he finds out that yata literally doesnt know about it even tho fushimi doesn't really try to hide it (he doesnt care+niki would still call him by his dead name and ridicule him so what put in the effort). they go to get testosterone for fushimi and yata will be like "ah yes. doing normal manly stuff for two cisgender dudes" while fushimi just stares dead into the distance. maybe while they were both in the red clan things started going south for fushimi (losing misaki+maybe others finding out about him being trans and while theyre overly supportive fushimi doesnt appreciate it) and so in the blue clan hes relieved that no one pays it any attention, not even munakata brings it up (aside from maybe one time). so he just boils with resentment and is sure that people have already outed him to misaki, meanwhile yata doesnt know ANYTHING hes just like aw man my friend left us and betrayed me for no reason. maybe after reconciling and going out on few dates and some kisses saruhiko contemplates telling him but he's kind of afraid that he'll break this fragile bond and so yata only realizes when they go to bed and he is bewildered to the point that saruhiko maybe leaves the house bc he counts it as rejection? while yata asks his friends if ur penis can fall off. sorry for the long ask!!! hope ur having a great day<3
Yata sweetie please learn to read the room XD Yata’s so bad at figuring out things that aren’t said and Fushimi is horrible at communication so I could kinda see this happening (I can also absolutely see Fushimi making all these scenarios in his head where he has to keep this secret or no one will accept him and meanwhile absolutely everyone else knows and accepts him). Like imagine in middle school Fushimi wears the boy’s school uniform and uses the boy’s bathroom, since he’s generally in there while skipping class no one really notices or confronts him over it. Plenty of people are aware that he’s ‘that girl who wears the boy’s uniform’ though, like imagine the bullies who steal his wallet also misgender him too. Yata overhears and assumes they’re calling Fushimi a girl as like a taunt about him being skinny and pretty, not that they think Fushimi actually is a girl. Fushimi never says anything to Yata about being trans but he figures Yata has to know, like that first time Yata meets Niki when he’s taking care of sick Fushimi Niki calls Fushimi a girl multiple times (I’m thinking Fushimi’s name would be the same though because if he’s picking his own new name he wouldn’t pick Saruhiko). Yata doesn’t bring it up and at the time Fushimi is grateful, thinking that Yata is accepting that Fushimi’s a boy just because Fushimi said so and no one else has acted that way towards him, and meanwhile Yata’s just like ‘even though that guy’s skinny and has super soft skin and is kinda pretty is no reason to call Saruhiko a girl.’
So then when they join Homra I imagine Fushimi being kinda self conscious about it, like another thing that makes him not fit in and he’s never sure if Misaki has told everyone or not, except of course Yata hasn’t told anyone because he doesn’t know. I feel like Mikoto would probably know somehow once Fushimi becomes a clansman and I think Totsuka would figure it out quick too, just giving Fushimi a look and smiling all ‘ah, I see,’ which just irritates Fushimi more. Totsuka maybe drops some small hints that Fushimi might want to talk to Yata and it’s not until some time after that he realizes that one, no Yata really doesn’t know, and two, Fushimi absolutely thinks Yata does (somehow I imagine the Homra trio discussing this and Kusanagi just facepalming like these kids I swear). Meanwhile Yata finds out about Fushimi taking testosterone and is super confused before deciding that well maybe Saruhiko is trying to build muscle. He mentions this to Totsuka, who suggests Yata talk to Fushimi about it seriously, like maybe there’s something Fushimi thinks you know that you don’t. Yata considers and then he realizes, so Fushimi’s taking testosterone and his dad used to call him a girl and come to think even though Yata doesn’t mind changing in the middle of the room Fushimi never has, there’s clearly only one answer: Fushimi is self conscious about having a small dick (somewhere Kusanagi facepalms again). Yata decides to talk to Fushimi about this to let him know that it’s totally cool and that’s how Fushimi finds out that no, Yata’s not super accepting Yata’s just an idiot.
At this point things are strained enough between them that Fushimi doesn’t feel comfortable telling Yata the truth, assuming he’ll be rejected anyway. When he joins S4 I imagine at some point most of the squad at least know but no one says anything and they don’t see it as a big deal, the only one who ever really mentioned it was Munakata in the context of making sure Fushimi can get all the correct meds and such. In some respects Fushimi feels more relaxed here, where everyone knows and no one cares, and at the same time he’s probably stewing that someone in Homra’s certainly already outed him to Misaki. Yata never says anything though and I could see this eating at Fushimi, like he wants to just yell it in Yata’s face so Yata will reject him and get it over with, but at the same time he’s so afraid that Yata won’t want anything to do with him that he can’t say anything.
Eventually post-ROK they reconcile and kinda start dating and Fushimi keeps pushing the thought away, telling himself that Yata must know by now so there’s no reason to tell him, still afraid that Yata might not know and that Yata will hate him if Yata ever found out. One day they’re kissing and it starts progressing, Fushimi’s so lost in the sensation that he doesn’t even think about what he’s been hiding until his shirt and pants are off and Yata suddenly falls off the bed. I feel like Yata would immediately jump to ‘wait you’re really a girl,’ the idea of Fushimi being trans never crossing his mind and he’s really more bewildered than anything, but Fushimi’s already on edge so he just mumbles ‘I’m not a girl’ as he starts grabbing his clothes to make a quick exit. Yata grabs his arm like wait you can’t just go we gotta talk about this, Fushimi mutters there isn’t anything to talk about and leaves before Yata can stop him. After this I imagine Yata returning to the bar like did any of you guys know Saruhiko might be a girl and Kusanagi is just like oh finally as he sits Yata down for a lesson on trans people (and then once he gets what’s going on Yata heads back out to find Saruhiko, because he doesn’t care about Fushimi’s gender he just wants to be with Fushimi). 
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ribbonpinky-art · 11 months
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feeling melancholic and hopeless again. so im gonna just write out my emotions and none of it correlating. self pity post galore
im thinking about things. life is rough. so stressful. my mental illness is worsening by the day. lots of stuff happens behind the scenes that i choose to not talk about
and what im thinking about now, is that who was once one of my absolute comforts (junko).. im thinking abt that adorable little fumo plush of her i ordered several months ago is just sitting on top of my other plushies.. that i wasn't even excited to have her when she first arrived.
i didn't care.
and that hurt, knowing i didn’t, remembering how much she once meant to me.
same with my Chang’e. i want nothing to do with either of them now. they no longer bring me an ounce of comfort, only dread and remnants of a self indulgent story of kindness that once lifted me up. it all died. feels too idealistic. i feel like im too much of an outcast to let this story exist outside my private circles. i dont even want it anymore, or if i want to ever again
i think as of lately, focusing on oc’s (including ones i havent spoken of yet) has been better for my state of mind
doesnt help that im kiiinda only appreciated for my Junko works!!!! awesome!! i dont want to draw her anymore !!! fml!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! other people are better at drawing her than me anyway, ya wont miss me. lemme focus on my evil lady oc instead...
maybe im being melodramatic, and i do not care. perhaps in a few months i will be enamored with them again? idk. idc either
i feel more disconnected than ever to fandom, when i was seldom a part of any of it in the first place. im that person that exists on the outskirts, not really part of their community. im disconnected to people. i cant make connections with anyone, but i never could .. ok . i could, with a couple folks here and there. im grateful they want me around (not counting my partner of course, theyre the best thing thats ever happened to me. im not just lucky, im fortunate af we met at all)
im aware of my own issues- im autistic, im unmedicated when i probably need meds to regulate my emotions, i live in a toxic family. im triggered terribly easily, and when im hurt, it *hurts*.
 i fear that, because of my strange way of speaking and how a lot of my conversations are stilted, and what i perceive as unusual behavior-- i fear i make other people creeped out/uncomfortable. irl or otherwise. like, maybe ppl will be friendly to me at first, but after a year and i dont say much anything and im just this creepy, quiet weirdo to them now. and thats so silly. whats creepy about me?? im a pint size thing who cant even look anyone in the eye very well. is that creepy?? ok, i struggle to talk sometimes, i might be uninterested in conversation but i dont want to be disliked for it-- idk ((ok i have “Creep” by Radiohead set in my mind because of my mental state, and its kinda funny to me for some reason)
i genuinely feel like i lack intelligence. i suck at thinking. i suck at thinking of words, remembering things, and the tiny mistakes i do make are SO small that it should be impossible to make the mistake in the first place. was i always like this? i feel like i used to be smarter , lol
i am quite literally, a complete failure in my family. i cant stress the truth in that enough. even my grandmother is disappointed in me and only wants to see a text message from me saying i got a worthy job in my field. that only thing that matters to anyone, my one and only point of interest in everyone i speak to in my life even outside my family, is that i dont have a real job. thats it. everyone is waiting for me to be.. someone.
because im no one.
but none of them have been a particularly positive influence in my life, seeing as im stuck here.
i genuinely feel disgusting for existing. my body feels wrong to be in when i am visible to any human being. perhaps even to any animal and bug, too. i dont want to be looked at, to be remembered by anyone who wont understand me
nothing is changing!!!!! and when it is, its worse than before!! why cant i just be brave and GO
..
..
..
not all of this reflects reality. i beat myself up a lot. mirrin knows it. i know it.
it hurts
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summercurial · 2 years
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omg!!!! just had a really good like....24 hr date. okay so his name is mark he's really handsome (he kind of looks like jamie dornan? ill ask him if i can post a pic sometime) and he's about my height and hes got big biceps and hairy arms and stubble and...omg he's jsut...very attractive. i really like looking at his face. he's a broker at his dad's like, finance comapny, a bit of a cringe nepotism moment but glass houses, also like. who is he disadvantaging, other finance dudes? who care. so anyway. he has a bunch of money ha. he has a nice apartment to his self and a bunch of fancy shit.
i came over at 1, we watched some netflix (i think u should leave) and drank some white claw and talked a bunch. he's into drugs and esp psychadelics. we had a really fun time talking. he talked about his 3 yr gf he broke up with 3 months ago. he cried a little. she was an alcoholic and like super shitty and manipulative. and lied all the time. i feel like it should have made me uncomfortable but it didnt. it was sweet sort of? idk. i hugged him. we disclosed a bunch of shit. i told him abt my friends i have sex with.
we had so much fun talking. he ordered chipotle. we cuddle a bunch. eventually we kissed and it was...so good. there's like, a force to it, like youre trying to become a single person. my favorite kind. he paints! his paintings are pretty good! he sells them for thousands of dollars! he has some bunnies, but theyre gonna be gone soon, cuz his girlfriend is taking them with her (she's been moved out for months, but she hasnt gotten all her shit). he showed me the holy mountain, altho we got distracted idk, 40 minutes in. he showed me a bunch of the weird metal and psychadelic music he likes. we talked about our neurotic parents. i had some amyl nitrite, which was really fun, and he gave me an adderall when i got sleepy. he fucked me a little but his dick is pretty long and i think it was pressing against the bend, we need to figure out a better angle. we took a shower then bath together. he called me a good girl a coupe times. sparse with it, the way my greed doesnt like but which counts so much more. i got some headpets/scritches. he's genuinely such a nice guy. anyway he invited me to sleep over and he did. he has a HUGE tv and it's on an arm so he can point it toward the couch or the bed. he has a bedroom but he doesnt use it for that, he uses it for painting and uses the mian room for his bed. at like 11 pm he wanted a smoothie but the smoothie place was closed so he doordashed a bunch of juice.
anyway in the morning i sucked his dick and he came in my mouth pretty quickly so i got to spend a lone time sucking on it in the afterglow, which i think he really liked! it was fun! we cuddled a bunch. we watched the entirety of casino! it was really good! i doordashed some vegetarian chicken nuggets. anyway now im back home. this is the best date ive been on in...i mean honestly maybe ever. it was great. im very happy. he's really into trans girls. he kept telling me how cute/gorgeous he thinks i am. it was so sweet... i mentioned im autistic and explained the flapping i do when he says something really nice. it was amazing
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pyrite-clown · 2 years
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Venti's very bad day☔︎
⚠︎⚠︎ TW/CW : attempted suicide + self loathing
Hi hellow pls read tws thank u
.
.
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how helpless .
Thats all venti could think to himself when he woke up. Again. Just like always!
He would laugh it off but nobody's watching anyway
A failure of an archon and better yet a failure as a being- there isnt a single thing he can do right!
He can sit there lying in the middle of the Forrest.. Or.. Not. There would be no point anyway- His rotting corpse is beside the tavern, a very Impressive cut between his head and his body.
He almost felt proud of himself
Oh how he could imagine diluc's face. So elated he's finally gone, maybe a bit annoyed he has to clean up his mess again.
But in the end everybody would rejoice at his departure
But he failed at that too.
...
What would he even do now? He didnt expect to wake up again. How come the rest get to have a peaceful rest but he cant? What kind of sick thing is destiny that they wont even give the people one teeny tiny thing?
A little giggle creeps out of ventis mouth
This whole thing is so hilarious !
It makes him sick.
Now he has to disappoint everyone again. Show up and be an annoyance to everyone again. He doesnt have to but with how much of an evil person he is he probably will. He always does.
seriously, how hard is it to NOT be a horrible person??
Venti cant help himself. Hes still alone. In the middle of a forest. Alone.
He wants to get up but he cant get himself to. He cant decide.
Whats the point in going back? Cant we just lie here for a bit longer? Nobody misses us anyway.
Whats the point in staying here?? Surely you have some sense. You cant stay here moping forever!
Moping! The anemo archon! Oh if only he could get a picture of himself right now.! but his decaying body would probably be more amusing.
Amusing.
He is Amusing.
Amusing...
Would anyone give him a funeral? Those who knew him as barbatos surely held even the tiniest bit of care, no?
Most likely not. But if a celebration counts then venti might as well be content with that.
Its not like he actually succeeded making people happy, hes still alive after all- but he can play pretend here like he always has!
Yes. Play pretend.
Oh boy, he really is helpless haha
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bowtiestash · 6 years
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one of the reasons why i kinda want more followers is so tht theres a higher chance that someone would be interested in my ocs, but for now its just puttin my shit out in the void and having absolutely no one express interest in them hhh
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broomsticks · 2 years
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BROOMSTICKS MY LOVE! It was so hard to choose but I'm going with 9, 25, 28, and/or 32, with 25 and 28 absolutely being inspired by our conversation just now XD
from this fic writer ask game (no time limit on this, feel free to ask anytime!) 
❤️❤️❤️ oooooo you picked some great ones!
9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.
oooooh so i don’t really quite know who’s unknown, but some new people i’ve loved following since the last time i posted shoutouts to hp/marauders/wolfstar & misc-fandom/pan-fandom blogs:
@leogichidaa! amazing regulus & black family meta (sirius and regulus and healing from enmeshment, the lost boys: sirius, percy, and BCJ) and fic
@tracingpatternswrites whose Sirius' first full moon in Azkaban fic murdered me
@everythingbutcoldfire -- lovely lovely valentine’s day aroace remus lupin fic, and excellent reblogs & thoughts on aroacespec stuff too
i refuse to stick to 3 haha it doesnt count if i rec people for things other than fic right???
@mkaugust writes wonderful poetry & also microfic may wolfstar!
@carlav-blogs so wholesome! those tattoos!!! the details are ENDLESS.
@remixloonylupin the tenderness. your style. oh my gosh. (pspspspss also writes incredible fic about transness and psychosis) 
25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.
hmmmm some of the time, maybe half? i definitely listen to music a lot BEFORE i start writing, to get me into the mood/ clear my head sorta — it’s also happened before, once or twice, that i’m poking around spotify without the intention of writing and i get randomly bitten by the urge to fling out some words. not necessarily good words, but — whatever, we take those XD
28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?
uhhhh BADLY. (also, my writing pressure is pretty much all internal rather than externally imposed, if that matters!)
1) sometimes i try to push through the bad, and — sometimes it works, honestly. sometimes brain is just being a dumb and cuts out the tantrum after a while.
2) trying to get my head in the right space — so, music, and — that’s mostly why i have these lying around tbh: self care tag / encouragement / overcoming perfectionism
3) venting to understanding people!!! one of the most important things i’ve found (am still learning) is that so many people—literally even the most amazing ‘why are you not writing original fiction you could be making a killing’ / ‘you??? reading MY TRASH?? why do you even BOTHER honestly’ writers—can relate to these writing struggles! & not just the struggle, but also that indescribable desire to do it anyway. it’s weird and wonderful and literally the only reason i even dared to start let alone am still going (ish) hahaha
32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?
billie believe me when i tell you i agonized over these for A G E S, seriously considered skipping the question, etc etcetcetc
from my andromeda halloween/yule drabble series, star of wonder:
The tree itself was still as green as ever. It would look just at home bare out in the biting cold, or all dressed up beside the roaring hearth fire. Unchanged, steadfast, evergreen. Just the same in the cozy Hufflepuff common room filled with the aroma of baking bread and the elegant Slytherin one with its enchanting music, in the Black family manor or in the Tonks’s small Muggle cottage.
the summary of my peter drabble, Resolution:
Since he was eleven, Peter’s New Year’s Resolution had always been the same: this year I will be braver.
the last sentence to my RL fest remadora, the grace unasked for:
And he learns that, even at the furthest ends of the earth, you're always sheltered under the same sky, watched over by the same moon.
especially because it was pointed out to me by a lovely commenter that this is apparently really similar to a poem that i may have come across before but certainly don’t consciously remember!
thank youuu for the ask!
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Just been thinking about the scene in "Gorizilla" where Adrien jumps off the skyscraper and Gabriel is forced to show some emotions while writing another post and I... I just-
Gabriel you selfish dick, what the hell??
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I was just as glad as everyone else to see Gabriel expressing genuine concern and fear for Adrien, it hit especially hard BECAUSE he was being Hawkmoth at that moment. But this
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THIS???
I just noticed how much of a bastard thing this was of him to say.
Think about it. This situation came to be because Gabriel completely disregarded Adrien when he just wanted to ask his father the short but very important question (which Adrien made known) of getting to see his mothers film in the movie theaters and send him away to his room when he noticed Adriens ring again which led to him suspecting Adrien to be Chat Noir. Gabriel wanted to confront Adrien about it but because Gabriel literally treated him like shit Adrien run away to see it anyway to which Gabriel reacts by sending the Gorilla after him (go after him yourself jerk,YOU fucked this up). The Gorilla can't catch Adrien though so Gabriel chews him out and immediately akumatizes him so Adrien has to reveal himself to free himself so he can help Ladybug deakumatize him.
Well, things escalate eventually leading to Adrien jumping off a skyscraper at the same time Ladybug gets caught by Gorizilla leaving her unable to save him from certain DEATH and here we are now
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Adrien is falling to his death and Gabriel as Hawkmoth is literally BEGGING him to transform if he really indeed is Chat Noir.
....
....
Do you also see whats so genuinely fucked up about this scenario here? Let me repeat it:
Gabriel, the man who is not only the cause of all of this but also the one and only person involved who's is in complete control here, is begging ADRIEN, of whom he doesn't even know for sure if he really is Chat Noir, to transform to de-escalate his own fall to his death.
Gabriel Garbage Agreste, how DARE you start begging as if you were any kind of victim in this?!
Let me break it down just how much is wrong with all of this:
Even though Gabriel is fully aware that HE is the person in control here and is NOT sure if Adrien, who is literally about to die in mere moments, even has a definite way of saving himself, he's still putting the active "decision making" on ADRIEN. Who, let me remind you, can NOT hear Hawkmoth/Gabriel begging him to transform! Gabriel is making ADRIEN the one responsible for the outcome of this situation right now even though there is still the very real possibility that Adrien has no possible way of knowing that Hawkmoth is counting on him to transform BECAUSE HE MIGHT NOT BE A MIRACULOUS HOLDER IN THE FIRST PLACE!
It doesn't matter at all that Gabriel was correct with his suspicion because he's just immediately throwing all the responsibility he holds for this entire situation right off of himself, playing poor bystander father, when HE is the one who holds all the power and therefore should be the one immediately taking action in HIS chaos for which HIS SON is about to lose his life!
In addition to that point, let's talk about the ridiculous amount of time Gabriel let Adrien fall while just standing there waiting and begging.
Because Gabriel is not only asking Adrien to transform once, he's asking TWICE.
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There are 31(!!!) seconds beween Hawkmoths reaction to Adrien jumping and Ladybugs yoyo-string reaching Adrien and even though one certainly can make an argument here that the show time does not translate into the “real” time as well, but even if, there is no way in hell these 31 insane seconds would ever realistically come down to a number that isnt unforgivable long concidering the circumstances. And even then he's only letting Ladybug go to catch him because he hears Ladybug call to an absend Chat Noir for help, finally getting it through his thick skull just how close he is to having his own sons blood on his hands.
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Gabriel was willing to let his own, possibly innocent, son fall to his DEATH for this long for the off-chance of him revealing himself to be Chat Noir because Gabriel is unwilling or simply incapable of taking on the obvious responsibility he holds until things reach such unspeakable limits that he has to face reality for a moment so not everything goes up in flames.
But I'm not done yet. Oh no, definitely NOT.
Because even after waiting for so long he’s forced to let Ladybug go, this is still not the moment that convinced Gabriel of Adriens innocence. Its only after Wayham doubles as Adrien while Adrien transforms into Chat to join the fight that the sight of Adrien and Chat Noir at the same place eventually convinces him.
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Look at his face here and dare to tell me he wasnt still 100% convinced that Adrien could very likely be Chat Noir. Also dafuq kind of reaction is “Well, thats for the better” with THAT expression? That is NOT anywhere close to the relieved expression he SHOULD have had here! How much horrible stuff has already happened to Chat Noir at this point of the show? And THIS is how you react to the for-any-somewhat-resonable-parent GODSEND (but false) news that it wasnt your own flesh and blood you did this to? Yeah, you truly care Hawkbitch. Can someone please just call child protection services already?!
So even after this IMMENSE risk Adrien was not yet save from his supervillain father and neither was he Gabriels actual priority after “finding out” that Adrien is NOT Chat and he just put his CIVILIAN son through all of THIS. Which is exactly what happened in "heros day" part 1 and 2, where in part 1 he once again tells Gorizilla to protect Adrien, he is his "number 1 priority" but in part 2, after Adrien escaped from his akumatized bodyguard, Gorizilla is one of the giants Hawkmoth calls to himself but Gabriel has nothing to say to that. It was literally like he totally forgot about Adrien all together which is only made clearer by Hawkmoth later on straight up calling himself "a man with nothing to lose".
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Fuck you Gabriel, Adrien was literally never an actual priority for you and you proof it over and over again.
And apparently even a situation that proofs someones innocence in every possible factor will not be proof enough for Gabriel to accept that he was wrong if it was HIM who had to back down and take the needed action to de-escalate the situation and not someone else. Any situation that forces "weakness" of him and doesnt end with an undoubtable proof that 100% satisfies/clears his previous intention holds no worth in credibility for him, no matter how irrational or contra-productive it is to still cling onto it. Because Gabriel/Hawkmoth refuses to be the one having to back down and to be out-stubborned by anyone else. If he isnt the one tricking the others his paranoia and ego stop him from thinking clearly. Especially concering Gabriels and Adriens always worsening relationship, this is a bloody dark red allert for the future.
But besides that, lets talk about just how much of an selfish, self-centered and irresponsible thing is it of him to ask ADRIEN to pull the sacrifice in this moment?
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Adrien didn't refuse to transform for no reason. If he were to do it not only everybody in Paris would see it but HAWKMOTH as well and Adrien has no way of knowing that Hawkmoth at this point is not as much his enemy as he rightfully thinks and actually just wants him safe and sound right now. Adrien is perfectly aware that the moment Hawkmoth finds out about his identity he WILL take advantage of it, endangering his loved ones, friends etc (naturally including Gabriel himself as Adriens father as a big priority) and going after him mercilessly until he gets his ring. Adrien didn't refuse to save himself for nothing and that's important as hell!
Because here is Gabriel now begging Adrien to pull that exact sacrifice even though HE could stop this whenever he wanted, saving Adrien himself.
But he doesn't right away
And do you know why he doesn't?
Because stopping it required letting go of Ladybug and that could possibly lead to him losing the chance of getting her miraculous.
So this rotten insult to fatherhood wants to tell me now that he's a poor, poor father who fears for his dear sons life while basically asking ADRIEN to be the one to pull the bloody heavy sacrifice that will lead in Adriens eyes to horrible and devastating consequences for all of his loved ones and himself.
Just so Gabriel himself doesn't have to do it!
This is Gabriels default reaction by instinct. Gabriel are you FUCKING kidding me with this bullshit? How come I only noticed the fucked up second face of this scene now? I went so long actually giving Gabriel some legit credit for this but in reality this is beyond 7 stars of awful.
Once again, I applause Miraculous for this nuanced charactersation. This is what I will forever and ever love this show for and its fine to portray this because it obviously leads up to something
So let me say this with every inch of my heart:
FUCK. GABRIEL. AGRESTE!!!!
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samscompliment · 2 years
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ok cas fic ramblings under the cut. like spoilers for the whole fic but if i never finish/post it then does it really count as spoilers. really. thoughts welcome <3
ok hiiiiii. mwah. so its post canon in the ambiguously human cas domestic bliss stage where they all live above ground EXCEPT. i have personal strife with human cas sorry bc i very much interpret it as basically binding a graceless angel to their vessel (hashtag i read dta and went sure ill incorporate that into my belief system) so cas is like. kind of miserable. like hes not because hes finding joy in the little humanities! and he's got dean! and dean cooks meals that he thinks cas would like and he makes sure all the blankets are soft and all these lovely little things that show he cares and cas my best friend cas just like. covets it. like he hates being 'human' but ALSO dean is like showering him in love so he's like Well. this is manageable. and also dean keeps asking how hes doing and cas is very greedy for proof dean cares about his wellbeing. my poor guy. and like they are in a happily established relationship at this point its all well and good its just that twelve years does stuff to a guy's head.
anyway the catch is that for vague plot empty rescue reasons cas very much does have his grace. like its in a vial he can take it back at any time but he doesnt for approximately three different reasons. one) if he takes his grace back dean wont do any of the little things to make humanity easier and cas doesnt want to lose that and/or go back to how they acted before the empty. two) dean very explicitly loves him which means cas can no longer beat himself on the head like "dean doesnt love me because i am terrible" so he had to find another way to hate himself which in this instance is "i could take my grace back and protect my family but i wont because i wont sacrifice the love of one measly human my hubris is my eternal downfall i am a failure of a father and partner" and THREE) my guy is not keen on relinquishing his outsider identity. bc sure hes "human" but hes not actually human and he fits so poorly but he gets a kind of. idk a kind of perverse pleasure from it. hes a little self pitying in this fic i have to say. but also at the same time hes like i deserve the good things though. i am so miserable look at how good of a miserable excuse of an angel i am. like it literally loops back around to pride for him. my favourite weirdo
while all this is going on cas is doing various post canon things and he gets a tattoo and dean is very nice to him and its sort of your classic "cas tries to find his footing in humanity" activities except you know hes just trying to avoid taking his grace back even though he also wants very badly to take his grace back. he is literally so illogical the entire time and i love him sooo much but it culminates in cas being like okay someone PLEASE take this decision out of my hands so he tries to give his grace to dean
why does cas give his grace to dean well ill tell you. he doesnt want to give up their human life. he hates himself for not giving up their human life to better protect them/jack. so hes like. well if i give the grace to dean it takes it out of my hands and i can hate DEAN for it INSTEAD. i can blame DEAN. literally what nick seasontwelvedean said about cas resenting dean a little for not loving him but now that he knows dean DOES love him hes like this is weird :/ what if i resent him for something else. and dean of course is like what the fuck and throws a tantrum. and its like well dean you did very much kind of bring this upon yourself i like i know youre doing a bit better now but like babe where do you think cas learned all these thought patterns<3
anyway you can tell that we're now reaching the bit i havent written because after they somehow work this out cas takes his grace back and he gets his little "the future" vision realised and he has his wings and dean on his knees being like thank you cas youre the best youre so cool with your angel powers and saving my life forever and ever amen <3 and of course nothing really changes and afterwards he has a little birthday party and probably goes off to find something else to be insane about. and thats The Cas Fic
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yo I don't have time nor brain to enter the discussion at large but regarding this:
'i don’t think the disc finale was staged because i believe Dream’s “the ends justify the means” mindset is strong enough to lead him to genuinely try and bring the server together through blackmail.'
- these things are not mutually exclusive imo, he could've staged the finale with Punz in order to bring everyone together against him as an extension of the end justifying the means, the means being sacrificing himself for the goal. like at the end of the day if he knew they will come for him or didn't know they will come for him doesnt change the fact that they all came for him yknow? I think it's not outside of the realm of possibility for him to go 'okay if they all come here and lock me in the prison they'll be united against me and I'll be outside the picture and everyone will be one happy family'. he probably didn't count on c!Tommy being willing to take all his lives and everyone else just watch it so he had to save his ass with the book-
like I know we both in our hearts agree he's not the master manipulator everyone thinks and he is, at the end of the day, a moron (/hj) but I can see the 'finale was staged' theory work with that in mind :D - Lost
(just for context, this ask is referencing this post)
I think something just clicked! you're right. but you're also wrong! these things are not mutually exclusive, it's true! right now, i can almost seamlessly switch between c!Dream knowing they'll come and c!Dream not knowing, it doesn't really matter. But at the same time, it's still not the same thing!
There are now three distinct interpretations in my mind:
self-aware, self-sacrificing c!Dream
somewhat self-aware, self-dehumanizing c!Dream
not self-aware, self-destructive c!Dream
They can work as a sort of… spectrum of c!Dream interpretations. There are obviously a lot of other factors that these brief synopses don’t consider! For example, does c!Dream, in any of these interpretations, believe he’s bad? Not that he’s actions are bad, but that he, himself is bad?
Let’s start.
Self-aware, self-sacrificing c!Dream is what some people call the strategist c!Dream. He’s ruthless, and he knows it. His “the ends justify the means” mindset applies to himself too. He consciously sacrificed himself at the disc finale to unite the server against him.
This c!Dream probably has or had an escape plan that could’ve been compromised, leading him to the situation he’s in now. He plans his speeches and probably even rehearses them. He curates them to each person, knowing which taunts work better on which members, explaining the different ways he talks to different groups of people.
He has a cruel streak, but he also self-reflects and isn’t ‘evil’ for the sake of being evil. He’s focused and measured in his responses but can sometimes be impulsive. He cares very deeply for everything and everyone in the server, cutting his connection to his best friends to both keep them safe when his downfall came and to spare them the hurt of having to move on from him.
He conceals his feelings to not appear weak. He’s tired of having the whole server on his shoulders and exhausted from having to keep up his perfectly constructed ‘big bad villain’ facade. He’s a close friend of Punz, who helped him execute the disc finale. He’s like an older brother to Enderboo. He’s plagued with nightmares.
He’s the cool c!Dream.
Somewhat self-aware, self-dehumanizing c!Dream looks similar to cool c!Dream in his execution of the disc finale but his thought process is completely different. He’s ruthless because he needs to be. His “the ends justify the means” mindset applies to himself too, but not in a conscious way. He views himself so much like a weapon, a tool, a means to an end, that he doesn’t care if he is the way to accomplish his goal.
He was originally going use the vault of attachments to blackmail the server into unity, and if all else failed he would still use it in a heartbeat, but he realized that using himself to create a server-wide threat was much more efficient. What he tells Tommy and Tubbo at the finale is a mix of truth and overdramatization, blended with some things he makes up hoping it sticks.
He’s cruel because that’s the only way he’ll get anything done. He leaned into his whole ‘big bad villain’ persona so much that he has trouble separating it from his own personality. This scares him. He cares very deeply for everything and everyone in the server, sometimes to the point of blinding him to their needs. He regrets how things ended between him and his best friends, but thinks, in the end, it was for the best.
He hides his feelings because he’s afraid, and feels more at ease when he’s in control. He’s lonely in his desperate journey to seek what was once a healthy server, having only his tentative friendship with Enderboo to fall back on. He cries himself to sleep.
He’s the tragic c!Dream.
Not self-aware, self-destructive c!Dream believes in every. single. word. that comes out of his mouth because he forced himself to believe them. He’s ruthless because there’s no other way. He repeated “the ends justify the means” over and over again until his hands stopped trembling, the grip on his axe turning steady, and his voice didn’t waver, no longer choking up when he threatened to murder his family.
His plan was always to use the vault of attachments to blackmail the server back to what it used to be. He means what he tells Tommy and Tubbo at the finale, but doesn’t know if he would truly be capable of carrying it out, in the end.
He’s cruel because he doesn’t know any better. He thought other members of the server agreed with his methods and was blindsided by the finale, although deep down he might’ve known it was a possibility and let it happen anyway. He cares so deeply for everything and everyone in the server that it consumed him, making him do absolutely anything to achieve his goal.
He can’t let anyone know what he feels or else it will be used against him, just like everything he ever cared about. That’s why he let his best friends leave him. He misses them so much. He’s alone. So incredibly alone in his hopeless attempt at peace. He desperately needs control, and craves validation for his actions. He doesn’t sleep, not anymore.
He’s my c!Dream.
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curious-menace · 3 years
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Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.
SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .
i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah
post asswoop riddlers getting loves
Arkham riddler
He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is  bad news.
I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.
when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.
He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.
he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.
he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long. 
Blacklight Riddler
He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough. 
even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.
he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better. 
He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.
He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.
 if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.
BTAS Riddler
he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.
i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care. 
He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.
he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong. 
if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.
He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.
Original Riddler
this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.
actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”
good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.
he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are. 
he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage  him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.
i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient. 
Telltale riddler
this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs
he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.
after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.
i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.
the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.
its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.  
Zero year riddler
INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.
he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has  no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.
he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.
he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just  cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?
one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido? 
he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies. 
nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.
theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”
someone needs to stage an intervention
got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜
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buckyhoney · 2 years
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hey friend. sometimes stress manifests when we overload ourselves and it causes a strain or creates some tension, sometimes to the point of inability to operate as you normally would. in my experience, sometimes it's purely the inability to relax -- thinking to myself about what i can do to take it easy, or what could i do to run away from it all is two thoughts i notice when im stressin HARD. the anxiousness or restlessness is also another sign.
one thing i do to 'destress' is something a counselor recommended a while back. i sit down with a paper and pen, then write for 3 minutes straight, the pen doesnt leave the paper for all of 180 seconds, it gets out all my immediate thoughts and problems.
then i take 10-20 min to do something i'd usually enjoy like cooking or reading, whatever you like that makes time pass. the trick to doing destressing activities is doing shit that that you actually enjoy, not just lavender bath bombs or chamomile tea once a week on self-care tuesdays like media makes it out to seem like. its stuff you love, or at least somewhat take interest in, at your own pace.
the stress doesnt dissipate immediately, not when you're focusing on trying to make it go away. its the repetition of an action, the attention to your motor movement, that will help you ease up and allow your mind to sync with your body. some buddhists describe anxiety as a state of humanity, existing in your thoughts for too long, and peace is what happens when you can control it by meditating or allowing your body to reach equilibrium with your thoughts. so, anyways, by the time i get into the habit of taking the time to do something for myself, it starts to come easier and i stop counting the minutes.
yours truly,
an anxious anon still trying to figure it all out too
this helps loads <3 *im gonna try the writing exercise for sure ! thank you so so so much💛
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