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surroundedbyconfusion · 4 months

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I am bursting at the seams with excitement and dread. I am joyful but I am damned, like the old greenhouse with the roof caved in under the rain and moss when wind creaks through with a whistling scream.

#personal #my internal screaming is constant and I think of the video saying the normal level would be zero too often #like #holy shit this is my life!#this is so good! I’m doing what I want and I’m making progress!#this is what I’ve worked towards and god I’ve gotten it and it’s better than I knew #and I keep wanting to say ‘yet’#idk I feel like self-hatred has become a habit and I can’t tell what’s valid criticism #and what’s just bogging me down #tw mental illness #tw self-hatred #since I can never Not ramble in tags #I’m mad because I’m making progress on my mental health #and every time I acknowledge that #I tell myself that I’m wrong that I haven’t made any progress and actually I’m worse for myself and others #or that I’m lying to myself #or that I’m wrong about what’s good for me #or sometimes nothing at all but a feeling of a cannon ball down my gullet and into my stomach #I will know I’m finding tools that I like and that help me accomplish what I want #and I’m seeing how they’re helping #yet every time my reaction is ‘my very being is wrong’#‘therefore this thing or thought is not good’#ugh it’s annoying #bitch provide evidence that it’s wrong #you’ve got the burden of proof here

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dailynakaharachuuya · 7 months

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6. Yokai AU

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flareboi · 1 month

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what if purple never calls him dad

#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like.#what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango.#family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way #maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person #and theyre fine with that and so is he #king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’#maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him #because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you #i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea #but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable #(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc)#because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them?#and on mangos end #i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him #guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves.#you just learn to live with it!!!#mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!!#she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a #wonderful part of my life #the same thing here #mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was #he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay #purple will not change that. they will merely add something new #their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you #it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’#its so much more #oke. tag rant over #fett rambles #ava #uhh should i tag the chars

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the-river-runs · 10 months

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My best friend Fandom has once again returned and asked me to post to Tumblr for her! Once again, I have permission to post this video and all edits were done by Fandom (http.redshoes on Instagram)

These memes are all based on Cryptid Sightings by @naffeclipse

She has a lot to say this time around!

A message from Fandom:

"Hello Naff!! And hello everyone :D

It’s me, your girl, your local meme and edit maker, Fandom (aka http.redshoes on Insta 😎)

I’ve come back to make another meme comp for you guys! I wanted to make this earlier, but:

1. I was busy saving/collecting ATSV content on Instagram like Pokémon to getting noticed twice by Jack in the Box ☺️

2. I had to create an Ao3 account (understandably ofc AI theft sucks) and was um. You know… being silly in the comment section 👀 (please don’t mind me if you ever stumble upon them - I react and appreciate the stuff I enjoy in weird ways 💔)

3. Was waiting for my friend here to finish reading so I didn’t spoil anything in the memes! We both loved the series so much and man. The Naff do be eclipsing fr in releasing chapters left and right biggest round of applause for one of my favorite authors here 👏👏👏

Naff, you did such a great job writing this fanfic. I’m going to repeat myself from the comment section BUT you need to give yourself a pat on the back, relax, take a break - just reward yourself. You deserve it all and I hope that you take care of yourself for all the hard work you’ve done 💞💞💞

I’ve also included the lovely artist themselves, @themeeplord , again in one of my meme comps.

It’s only one meme but dang they always draw Eclipse to be getting that gain 💪💪💪 (bc of how muscular he is haha.) Mad respect to all of the drawings they create - they’re always a banger to see.

(Most of the memes surround the last episode + epilogue so if you haven’t read those chapters LOOK ‼️ AWAY ‼️ Don’t get spoiled 🤯)

(P.S. for the imagine scenario that’s not a meme, this is what they’re saying in the audio:

“[Amused] You can hear their heartbeats? Come on, that’s a little far fetched.”

“[Soft chuckling] I can hear yours too… Your heart’s beating pretty fast.”

I’d like to think this would take place around the beginning of “The Episode Bedeviling Bodies,” where the Hunter is still trying to understand their dear friend and what they’re capable of. I thought it was fitting ngl and included it in the comp.

There were uh, more memes I wanted to include, but I’m running low on storage space atm. I’ll get back to making more after I’m done clearing that out ^^’)

(P.P.S. Okay I don’t have Tumblr obviously but 🕴️ apparently you guys really liked the SJ memes I made??? Because my friend’s been receiving notifs of it still??? Thank you so much you guys!! I didn’t really expect people to enjoy them that much 😭💘💘💘)

Now without further ado, enjoy the meme comp! >:D " -Fandom

#river says...#bestie posting #cryptid sighting #crytid sightings spoilers #many more memes for everyone to enjoy :)#now that I've caught up to CS i can actually look at these memes hdjssjn #real talk though #crytid sightings is genuinely such a beautiful fic and one of my favorite stories of all time #naff has such an incredible writing style and is such a good storyteller #i really recommend reading CS even if you're not into fnaf #it's such a rollercoaster #the fluff is so sweet and the angst is so heartbreaking #but everything just works #I'm so grateful to have found Naff and her work #she's such a lovely person and an extremely talented author #I am so excited to see what she writes next #especially since the end of CS had me so emotional #i will never get over this fic #sorry for the long rambling tags but i had to gush a little bdjdjsj #hope you guys enjoy the memes <3

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unforth · 7 months

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I. Hurt.

And I was hurting anyway, I'm pretty down this morning, but this hurt came from an outside source, and affected me in a way I'd honestly not have expected.

See, we bought Nimona last week. After seeing the movie, my kids wanted to read it. And I ended up reading ahead, and I just finished it.

Bonus content at the end, it said, and I was like, oh, an epilogue to the epilogue maybe? That'd be nice. I don't love bittersweet endings, I'd rather...

...no, it's not the conclusion.

It's CHRISTMAS.

In a book that'd had no religion that I noticed up to that point, BOTH bonus extras...were Christmas.

Ya know, usually it doesn't bother me. Usually I just suck it up. I think it helps that I was raised around mostly Jews and people who, if Christian, it didn't matter much to them. I'm from the Upper West Side of Manhattan, the descendent of Lower East Side immigrants, and while the world outside was brutal - my grandfather was a World War 2 veteran and among the soldiers who liberated Dachau, I can't remember a time when I didn't know that most people would look the other way if people like me were slaughtered wholesale - my bubble was safe, we were accepted, we were insiders.

I honestly can't think of another time I've interacted with a piece of media and felt so immediately, instantly knocked across the face by OUTSIDER as I just did when I excitedly turned the page to see what these fun extra bonuses were...and it was fucking Christmas.

I didn't even read them.

I'm honestly. So disappointed.

I don't have a thick armor for this kind of hurt. I'm Jewish, and as an adult living outside my old UWS bubble, that's often meant I've felt like an outlier, but I've hardly ever had this feeling where I was welcome to something only to be suddenly, violently shoved out the door.

And I've heard nothing, n.o.t.h.i.n.g. but praise for this book. And on another day, it might not have bothered me. I've never really felt like I had to fight to be seen, especially since I'm tremendously secular. I mean, I've celebrated Christmas my entire life, for starters.

But why. Why was this fantasy setting suddenly Christian? Why was this the touted extra content? Why is THIS special, when the areligious world established to that point was apparently not special enough?

I can't say yet if this ruined the story for me. It's far too soon. But I'm *intensely*, viscerally let down, and...I hurt.

Christians...maybe stop doing this shit.

#unforth rambles #im not sure how to tag this #i dont want to tag fandom since its kinda anti #and i dont want to tag antisemitism cause its not really #and i dont want to tag microaggressions cause thatll just show my privilege that ive been lucky enough to not have this feeling more often #but seriously WHAT THE FUCK #im genuinely considering rereading just so i can see if it was always christian and i just missed it until then #because its so fucking ubiquitous that it slides right off #but i dont think it was!!!#WHYS IT GOTTA BE CHRISTIAN WHAT THE HELL #and why have i never heard this mentioned surely im not the only person to notice this #maybe it was less jarring for people who rwad along with the webcomic #since these were extras released along thw qay #not shoved in the back of the book like in the print edition #i dont fucking know #i just know i hate it #this special fun thing could have been anything #and instead it was for one specific segment of the audience #and thats honestly so unnecessary and kinda yicky #dont you guys every get tired of making everything about your fucking dumb holidays you stole from other cultures #give me back passover i demand you turn over easter as a reparation

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socksandbuttons · 5 months

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In the "a day in the life of eclipse" it wasn't the first time Solar's Moon treated him badly. Remember when Lunar first showed up in Solar's dimension, Solar told Moon that there's a dimensional traveler and he'll deal with it. And his Moon responded with "good because I don't care!" it looks like his Moon has been aggressive/treated him badly to him from the start. Sorry, I just didn't understand what you meant by you ignoring the lore from a day in the life of eclipse because it is part of the lore now

You're new on my blog which i frequently ignore things in my headcanons from time to time. And that canon changes from how its interpreted. Anyway, stems from Solar's explaining his moons situation. The lore SLIGHTLY changed. In terms of Moon, being slightly Glitched due to killcodes removal/memory loss. He never mentioned Moon being mean before that (at least not on the terms before he left his dimension). Not unlike things to be slightly aggressive from Moon tho, just it wasnt PERCIEVED moon was a jerk to Solar UNTIL Solar reveals this later on (after Lunars death). They didn't really develop his story until later a little more. So I'm sticking to my previous headcanon of Moon having a glitch, which is canon to s degree? SOLAR himself has mentioned he wanted to fix his MOON AND SUN. Which was forgotten/changed and turned into just sun then into Solar leaving forever.

#like when i say they changed things they turned solars moon into the worst jerk instead of someone needing some help #due to in part of getting Solar in the channel more without running into other montys or moons or worrying about sun. plus a nice eclipse #im sure it wasnt that deep before and suppose to be vague but theyve developed it more #to which is more like a closure to solars tragedy of leaving all that #vs the tragedy of having KNOWN both of them before. and seeing them shells of their former selves #and u technically have both in the former since hes obviously still handling all that #HOWEVER. as much as i like solar being around.#theyve left things in the story that they never really go back on thats normal #so i take what i want really #CANON DIVERGENT WAS THE TERM I WAS LOOKING FOR VFDJKS #sometimes the canon.... i dont want it #i wont put this in the tags #also 'it wasnt the first he treated him badly' that. actually #isnt something u can consder 'treating solar badly' either #considering later u find out moon spent most his time trying to fix sun #anyway im rambling in tags once again

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egberts · 7 months

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girls wake up there's a new worm bike playlist in progress

alana said the new one is way more funky, I've noticed a lot of punk bands are piggy dippin in a funk/punk sound more than a pop/punk sound and honestly? I'm so obsessed.

#its only like half done but ive already had it on repeat for 2 months #truly a I love this song! oh yeah i added it ass playlist #ever since going public with the worm bikes i am more conscious of how incohesive these playlists are #i can have songs bordering on e boy trap music noise alongside what is basically a pop song alongside screamo #but the point was never to have a cohesive sound or vibe. it was to collect new music in one place #and it does that effectively for me even if not everyone who seeks them out has the same taste #also a seperate thought to make these tags extra long: some of them ARE more cohesive and that's the funny part #you can tell my moods of the time or what i was seeking in song. one of them is full of songs about cutting off abusive parents and #simultaneously songs about being happy having a good time healing and starting over #like in a convoluted way that is cohesive and poetic #idk just weird to look back and be able to identify periods of my life with the music i collected now that theres so much of it #wish i could hard copy it but some of these songs are so obscure i feel like it's unrealistic #but i do want to have copies of my VIP list #okay sorry for the long ass rambling tags byyyyeeee

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archerofunspeakablelove · 3 months

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Russian Roulette update: Yassen's conversation with John towards the end of Командир (The Commander) genuinely made me tear up a bit. Y'all if I hadn't started shipping them at the start of Eagle Strike the first time I saw them interact this scene would've 100% convinced me because the way Yassen was so hesitant about working for Scopia at the start and had considered his other options, but now that John is tutoring him he desperately wants to prove his loyalty and competency. In the jungle John tells him he could leave if he wanted to, Scorpia had taught him enough about disguise - all this he had considered before himself, yet when John brings it up Yassen immediately shoots it down, becomes agitated. Why? Because he feels like John is questioning his competency. Remember what he said? "I can do this." John wants Yassen to not have to walk down the same path that he did, but ironically he is the reason Yassen even cares so much about succeeding in Scorpia in the first place. His cover worked a bit too well and now Yassen has a very fixed idea of who John is, and he will do anything to prove himself to his version of John.

You get it, right? The way they want completely different things out for each other, completely incompatible things, because they do not understand each other. These types of dynamics really just eat me up from the inside

#chaotic ramblings #alex rider #russian roulette #yassen gregorovich #john rider #man they really need a ship name i need SOMETHING to tag these posts with #the fact that yassen's relationship with john is very much personal to him even though he would never admit it #and it just so happens that to him john is basically an embodiment of scorpia #and he wants to impress john so by proxy he decides the best way to do that is to prove himself to scorpia #do you get it. do you get the dynamic #the tension in that scene was phenomenal i felt like i was reading fanfiction #which i suppose means that every fic author in this fandom does a wonderful job of capturing their relationship #just. the way yassen is so on edge whenever john says something about how he could still leave if he wanted to. before it's too late #the way he is so confused as to why john would bring this up because it doesnt fit with the very fixed idea he has in his mind about #who john is. the way he says “i killed some of them” as if to say see? i am like you. i can be like you. please give me a chance #his admiration for and attachment to john is so incredibly unhealthy which is unsurprising given that he has not had a normal #relationship of any sort since he was 14 and everyone he knew died #he wants so badly to be who he thinks john wants him to be. and that means that he will never be who he wants to be or who john wants him t #be or who he thinks john wants him to be. he is pursuing something that just doesn't exist #god i am so normal about these two

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xannerz · 3 months

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its always surreal to me to see people praise s2 of centaurworld. s2 was so spectacularly bombastic and aimless and it ended in this awkward forgettable fizzle.

i feel like a dick saying it b/c i really do love the show lmao. or, at least half of it lmao (/stares at tnwk). gf and i've been thinking about rewatching it just to write out our thoughts on why s2 was such a poor follow-up to s1 - from the tone to the setup to all the worldbuilding the narrative had to offer in between the (far more) memorable songs of s1. idk. it's sad because cw really had the bones of a cult classic, but idek if you can call it that.

ive seen a few posts commenting on its lack of popularity, and i feel like it certainly deserves more, b/c i do feel like it's a novel idea made w/ love, but the shift btwn s1 and s2 wasnt just in the plot. there was a full-on *fracture* in the quality and direction and i'm still scratching my head over it. more than i should be, probably. but, it's just a bummer.

#centaurworld #centaurworld critical #<- a tag i never thought i'd use lol #ok EDIT: fuck it im tagging this maybe there are others who'll also see their own viewing experiences in this post too #dont mind me rambling #but i got an ask on my thoughts abt cw a long time ago (hi!! i still have it 😭) and ive been wanting to write a detailed response since.#debating tagging this since the fandom's already p small and i dont wanna bump the tag with negativity #even if it is (what i feel is) p fair criticism. but idk people are sensitive and conflate it w hate idk idk #ive seen thinly-veiled hate posts in the t*ngled the series tags and it's always bothered me.#bc you can tell op just like hates xyz character or the show entirely and its like can you just come out and say it LMFAOO #but i genuinely like cw. i so so very much do. so i get bummed out! gf and some other friends and i were so excited for s2 and #when it rolled out ep by ep we were like 'it'll get better right? right?'#also tempted to just draw more cw fanart in general bc the t t s fandom is slow and if half the people dont have each other blocked #theres simply 0 overlap in fave chars or interpretations so lmao #im going back to work i just feel sour LMAO #also adding that i think a lot of people conflate a story eliciting an emotional reaction from you = its good #but ill revisit that and all these thoughts again eventually in another post. we'll see.#and i STILL want a nwk tattoo lmao. or at least an elkie. gf and i love elk bc of this guy! the impact that he has!#xangoeswah

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gwinverarrouz · 9 months

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My object head OCs whomst I almost never draw, haha. I like them! They just... don't really have stories, so I don't think about them a lot compared to some of my other characters.

The last three were art pieces I made for past editions of the Object Head Zine (these ones are free for all, you can download them!), and the dates written on the first set actually correspond to when these were finished. So 2017, 2019 and 2021. ^^

The middle row is from last year's inktober, thought it'd be fun to include them too. Different styles~

#mydrawings #MyCharacters #object heads #draw this again #technically?#Object Head Zine #i still like these zine pictures! even if i would do things differenty now i worked hard on them #i remember being so proud of that microscope because i had only started drawing digitally that year aw #hm since i never post about these characters why don't i ramble about them a little in the tags #the fireball head one is a girl btw #since it's impossible to tell with that diving gear #the zine theme of that one was “elements” so i thought #“hey wouldn't it be funny if there was a fire object head who was very passionate about diving”#also these four are not all from the same “universe”- the flowers and the other two live in different stories #the flowers are more like “people who happen to have an object instead of a head”#“and also everything in this world is in black and white except their heads because aesthetic”#while the microscope and the fireball don't... exactly have a physical body...? that you can interact with?#like you could theoretically put your hand through that labcoat and the labcoat would be real #but all you'd feel beside fabric would be a slight resistance and some static #although that would be a smidge rude #he's preparing a microscope slide don't bother him

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devotedlystrangewizard · 10 days

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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

#ramblings #incoherent beyond belief its 4 am #and im trying to avoid manga spoilers #might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything #actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers #manga readers know whats up #idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet #but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so #cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO #which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away #but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound #him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder #trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others #hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him #he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS #ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be #his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything #which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk #like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him #but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late #both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR #also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot #the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it #CRAZY #if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga #ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE

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suburbanbonfire · 2 months

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lord and tumblr, grant me the strength to finish canner's face on this poster so i can wrap up for the night and go to bed

#i also have to unfuck mattys face #but since his face is not just a fucking blank canvas im ignoring that part for now #this poster is killing me remind me never to put 7 guys in one thing again #uuhguhguhguuhghgogghguhghgh #i want to move onto the oilers poster but the canucks game is coming up first #have i bit off more than i can chew with this series??#yes #and i may still let that stop me but we'll see #anyways im writing a novel in the tag to continue putting off figuring out canner's face #once more unto the breach #rambles

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vampirictransgenderism · 3 months

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.

#im bitching in the tags abt the nostalgic nintendo yter sue me. sorry if this is how you learn. its rambling at this point.#yes this is about chuggaaconroy. man u fucked up big time!! IT'S CHUGGAACONCLUDED FOR YOU MAN.#tfw ur comfort youtuber you've been watching since you were a 12 year old has a mountain of allegations +#+ proven testimonies about him being a freak w women online and making them VERY uncomfortable w kink rp and disrespecting boundaries #i started watching him during super mario sunshine and had been a fan since. he inspired me recently to pick up BW/B2W2 on DS again.#the motherfucker that got me into game series i would have had no interest in if shown it at face value (xenoblade!! ily!!!!)#i took emily's stuff at as it was given and wanted to wait for more to come out bc she said there were others. then the 2 vtubers came out.#then Masae. She has nothing to lie about with him. She + Antdude + Werster + NCS + Jon have NOTHING to gain from talking about this.#she was his roommate!! and his current roommate NintendoCapriSun is confirming that this all happened!!#CHUGGA GOT CAUGHT IN 4K TOO. he flirted w her during a dnd campaign + the stephenvlogs videos with her in them she looks SO uncomfortable.#i feel so bad for all the artists + fan artists for his most recent LP too. they 100% do not want to be associated with THAT i guarantee.#but ya no longer a fan. hope everyone around him can get proper help + support. TLDR never have idols. you will always be disappointed.

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ruinakete · 3 months

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peony : what would a ‘ happy life ’ look like in your muse’s eyes ?

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS ・ accepting! ( warning for discussion or mentions of pregnancies, childbirth, child neglect / abuse, religious trauma, and bad parenting overall )

there are two answers to this depending on pre-death and post-death Zephia, so i'll answer this question twice, elaborate on both, and compare the expectation between the two, as slight as it might be. the order will be PRE-DEATH → POST-DEATH → COMPARISON. warning for rambling and long paragraphs, too 💕

first off, a "happy life" in PRE-DEATH Zephia's eyes would be pretty basic and concise. she would bear a child by Lord Sombron and heal her loneliness. but that's where it ends. she hadn't thought of anything after gracing a womb with a child, thus, after her child would be born, what then? what would she want after? though this "happy life" would consist of Sombron giving in to her wish, would he not expect her child to become a pawn if she taught them the ways of the Fell Dragon? but if she didn't, if she tried to be a mother like her mother once was, would her child not snap their jaws at the world like it was theirs?

no matter how many children she has, there is no place for the Four Hounds in this happy life. they were temporary in her real conquest and, thus, would be discarded once she was deemed pregnant. after all, her only reason to be Sombron's follower in the first place was for him to realize how good of a mother he could make her, right? there's a question of where she and her child go but for that, she has no answer. whatever it be, it would be nowhere close to a Fell Church. that much was for certain. she saw the treatment they gave children—took part in it, even. but she would be damned if anyone besides herself hurt her child. this, likely, extends to Sombron. she chose him as a father simply because of how absent he is in the lives of his own children so it should be the same for hers. he won't care and her child's entire world will revolve around her.

but, a "happy life" in POST-DEATH Zephia's eyes is more thought-out but less sensical. her conquest of bearing a Lord Sombron's child is still a priority, but she does not know where it stands among the others. because, now, she realizes that she does have other people she cares for. whether she has one child or plenty, the Four Hounds deserve a place at her side, however, she doesn't know where or how that is. would she take them far from the Fell Church? even after its damages have already been done? would she name Griss as the godfather of her child? Mauvier? would she forgive Marni and, in some twisted form of fate, pronounce her the dead godmother? either way, she will have a child ( because, to her, she needs to start over. a clean new slate. a clean new family. ) but where would she go to raise them?

after her death, Zephia doesn't really understand her goals or desires. she's realized that the Four Hounds were the family she wanted, yes, but would they be enough? especially after she had such an influence in all of their fates? what's to say that Griss would even be a good godfather? and if he isn't, what would she do? it isn't his fault that he's the way he is as much as it's her fault for encouraging his desires. would she discard him from the new life or would she see her child as the problem?

now for the COMPARISON. let it be known that imagining Xephia with a child is a dangerous game, as her own traumas are only repressed, not healed, and putting a child under her care would only prove how inept she is at motherhood. she wasn't made or taught how to properly love someone and her definition of parenthood is a transaction of obligation from the child for being born so... yeah.

pre-death Zephia is selfish whereas post-death Zephia is not as blind to her prior desires. this has nothing to do with Sombron, unfortunately, as she still wants to have his child. that will not change. for over a thousand years, that was her goal and, likely, will not change until a thousand more years of self-introspection occur. however, post-death Zephia does now see the Four Hounds as a family, though her understanding of this doesn't reflect that. she doesn't fully recognize the impact Griss, Mauvier, and Marni had on her conscious. so while she definitely imagines them being a part of a "happy life", in comparison to pre-death Zephia who will not think of them as anything beyond what they are, i don't think she knows what or where they'll be. because, after all, Marni's death was by her hands and Mauvier is nowhere to be found.

it's simple to assume that a "happy life" in Zephia's eyes would be something cruel and purposefully full of malice ( ex. founding a Fell Church of her own, or another faction of followers, or reviving Sombron completely ) but the only goal in life that she can remember having is to bear a child and live a life of fullness with them. the specifics aren't and were never thought out fully.

#queue tag tba.#ofradiances #☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ she; the daughter known by her teeth ・【 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 】 .#☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ to appease the handmade goddess ・【 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 】 .#she needs anything that isn't motherhood ( probably therapy ) but man...#thinking of her with a child and trying to heal from the transactional view of parenthood she had for centuries is inchresting..#fortunately.. for her and the child.. that will never happen but it's nice to wonder about #especially considering that she is and will always be a villain and her child would have to bear the burden of either similar ideologies +#or understanding that they are / can be different. plus the wedge that realization would put between them and zephia #similar to the wedge she put between her & the hounds tho i tentatively disregard griss since ree mentioned his view on marni's death #anywho no more tag rambling. just know i think a lot about her actually becoming a mother

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dnd-shithouse · 1 year

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I’m gonna say something so evil and controversial!!

If I knew Glenn in real life, I would despise him.

Not because he lets his son smoke pot, or because he is an absent dad or even because he likes Disney world.

I’d hate him because he plays Christmas Rock music.

#warning for rambling tags #dungeons and daddies #dndads #I love Glenn #but I KNOW as soon as I hear jingle bells the next thing he would see is his balls jingling above his face #/j ID probably just think he’s corny but also wholesome in a way at first glance and move on with my day #post inspired by my sister putting on Christmas metal #mom easily convinced her to just listen to metal and Primus so it’s all good #no my mom didn’t do it for my sake she did it for hers #we are a bunch of Scrooges unfortunately #I could say I have trauma surrounding Christmas #which I think I do #but the reality is that i feel very meh about it as a holiday #especially since it predates my bday and I can never do anything #and also my mom hates it too for trauma reasons which makes me feel sad #OH GOD SHE TURNED IT BACK ON #I do think it’s really cute that she wants to listen to Christmas metal music specifically

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buneok · 5 months

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part 1

this drawing is so sexy i wish y'all could see it but not yet 👊🏼💥

#i gotta do the other part first #BIG ramble in the tags im sry i'm just proud of this piece and i just started reminiscing #before may i hadn't drawn since like freshman year of highschool and never progressed from how i used to draw in middle school lmao #i graduated in 2021 #i guess i lost interest bc i have a hard time staying focused and studying was never easy for me #especially with like the fundamentals of art lmao i still don't know shit im sry watching videos is so boring to me #i mean some of the videos have been helpful but it's so hard to watch them in full length sometimes cuz i just get distracted or bored #tell me if u can relate #kinda gave up on art for yearssss #until suddenly the sve hyperfixation hit this year ???#i had never drawn a body or even a torso until this year LMAO it probably shows im ngl but we move #idk how i improved so fast like i look at my old art from when i first started posting and im like 🫡#younger me would be happy #these silly pixels helping me improve my art hehe #also hi i've been sad for the past few days but im Ok now #sad for no reason at all idk sometimes i get this way #how are u if ur reading this

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