HC + names

WORD HEADCANONS & DRABBLE ・ accepting! ( word count challenge beneath the readmore; 500! content warnings; mentions / implications of slight engage spoilers; implied murder! )

names, just like personal dates, do not matter in her eyes. not exactly. to her, it is not the name itself, it is how you wear it; the journey it took to earn it.

after all, she had not been crowned the full name, zephia dahut kurosawa, upon birth. her family surname had been lost to the ages, long before they had fallen to her magic. where her mother bore the surname of the flower humans preferred to gift her, zephia bore the surname of a tragic legend, horribly translated within the waves of the tale.

and she had been the one to first utter the syllables of the name, wrenching it from the crinkled papers of an old storybook until it fit perfectly into the mouths of the tribe. years later, within the ruins of a human village, she tore the second surname from the murky waters at the bottom of the mountain and presented it before sombron. and he accepted the dirty, sullied name just as he had accepted her; dirty and sullied and at his command.

however, the names themselves did not matter. no, they were no more a trophy than they were hers.

HUMANS CALLED IT THE FEAST OF THE ANTHURIAMS. a name weighed down by what the mortal mind perceived as the war between divinity and the fallen. a name this mage dragon first scoffed at upon first hearing of it, pointed helix twitching when the abbot fell into a silent stride beside her. there was irony in the event━━━or the holiday many recognized it as━━━so, it tempted the laughter in her throat. “as long as they understand the weight of to-day, then all is well, right?” she had chosen to offer, decades earlier, when the idea first sprung at the feet of the Lord, “followers will be sacrificed or maimed, yes, but the lasting impact could overcome the cost. the name━━━” or, had she managed to utter all of the suggestions before her name slipped through the Lord’s lips, thus reminding her of her worth in each letter? but this mage dragon had foretold the worth of delirious faith correctly: blood and innards were strewn across the dark sand of the Altar, an awful nostalgia to the gore-soaked snow and dirt centuries prior. and, here, beholding the eyes that once witnessed every child's last twitch, her gaze was narrowed on the only figure visible through the skittering cloud of kicked-up dust. before the church's hundreds of eyes, this boy twitched and heaved and stood as if he had been born the other day, but there was a glory to every ragged breath. an untamed hunger the child within her once swallowed. the abbot sighed beside her, but she interrupted the beginnings of any voice with her own, "who is he?" "hm, that is griss. he joined a..." but her ears had already deemed it worthless; it had not been the answer she hoped for. later, she had demanded the same from the boy himself, immediately once the clergy saw to it that the Eyes of God had been drained from the majority of his system. "who are you?" was what she pried for; and a follower, was what he gave willingly, still wide-eyed and trembling. though the tremors could not be fear. no, not if his lips continued to twitch into what she hoped to be an exhausted grin. her head lolled to match his, sangria eyes narrowed to a scornful slant until she deemed his reaction to such judgment enough. fangs bared in her smile, consideration melded into a figurehead's generosity; mage dragon had not hesitated to lean closer, raising a clawed hand to cup his cheek as she crooned, "hm-hm, how wonderful. how promising. again, boy. you are the Lord's follower before you are...?" griss, was the drawled name she heard. therefore, griss was the reward he'd receive. the mage dragon had not released him when she purred, "as i am the Lord's follower before i am zephia." a pause, as her gaze lowered to the blade at her hip, "come, griss. you will draw blood with me. then, a prayer before we leave the monastery, will suffice, yes?"

☽ ・WHAT MAKES A PERSONALITY.

a template ( created by the wonderful Ree ) for analyzing features of a personality beyond listing adjectives. written beneath a readmore because of length, not spoilers!

SELF-CONCEPT

VIEW OF SELF: highly upheld on a pedestal created by her late tribe and the hierarchy of Fell Churches. though clouded by a heavy sense of superiority, there is the slightest chance of self-awareness from her, though it is an introspection that takes time. what is important to her is that she, above anyone else, knows her heart and mind. no one else can claim to relate to all she has lived through and she knows this; though the level of tragedy she connects this with is debatable. likewise, her view of self is duller than her view of others, as she truly does not care for herself at her core. this is not self-deprecation, rather it is the monotonous feeling that comes from knowing that, at the end of the day, she is what her tribe and Sombron have made of her. there is nothing else and nothing more.

VIEW OF OTHERS: hardly memorable. unlike her, time will pass for them and they will die, so their only purpose is to serve until their last breath. will she remember their names? hardly, but the impact they have will outlive their body. as a direct result of her behavioral inconsistencies and traumas, she alienates herself from society and, thus, does not view humanity and other immortal beings in any positive light. they are only useful under a leash. they are only useful if they can be wielded as pawns. if they stray from their fated path, then they must be punished. it is as much a law as it is instinct. either way, none of them will equate to the space necessary in the void of her heart; what she needs is a family, and other people cannot give this to her.

VIEW OF WORLD: unforgiving. selfish. the world is cruel to those who surpass their fate and, thus, she bares her teeth and takes as much from the world as she thinks she deserves; which is everything it has to offer. in her eyes, the world is ever-changing and will not wait for you to mend your wounds, no matter how closely you hold it at heart. you will not survive if you are not the aggressor. her environment taught her that pain is love and such love, one strong enough to destroy what it has created, is punishment, in its own way. to love was to hurt until you knew nothing else; to grieve was to love with all your heart. if you sought love then you had to seek the pain that is obligated with it upon your faults. thus, all relationships of value between her and the world were, and will always be, transactional.

MOTIVATIONS & GOALS: serve as Lord Sombron's greatest follower until he sees her as fit to be the mother of his child. whether it be one or plenty, she hopes to bear them and give fruit to lives of her blood. upon birth, they are hers, as a mother and idol and god. and that, the idea that, one day, someone she brought into the world will revolve that very world around her, is what keeps her focused on the future. but somewhere, along the line, another motivation has formed upon her arrival; protect the Four Hounds and restore what they once were.

WHEY THEY VALUE MOST: family, both in the physical and metaphorical sense. the idea of having and taking from someone who owes you their entire life for giving fruit to theirs.

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS

REACTION TO STRESS: most, if not all, negative emotions end in her lashing out in an attempt to regain the control she once lost. so, when stressed, her composure falters; she becomes jittery, scheming, and distant. she'll refocus all of her energy on picking apart the stressor and, upon recognizing what it is, eliminating it without hesitation. this could mean directly destroying the stressor or completing it, but whichever it is, she does not ignore it. it, also, does not matter what this stress comes from; whether it be a responsibility, environment, or person. the execution, however, of this determination is usually heartless and selfish, as she will go through anything and anyone to calm the nerves of her heart.

REACTION TO FEAR: though fear, too, is a negative emotion, it does not necessarily end in an unwavering sense of hostility. to fear something is to think that it has the weight to actually affect you. and, thus, it is fine to say that fear isn't an emotion she's faced often in her thousand years of life. upon first face of this subject causing her fear, she's incredulous. confused or shocked, rather than frightful. but when the emotion sets in, she becomes quieter. curt. this silence is not submissive, lest it be in the face of Sombron. her following reaction will be to right what has been wronged; control. she will combat this fear with confrontation if the risks prove to be lesser, but she knows her limits and will not provoke the fear if it will bring her harm.

REACTION TO SUCCESS: to revel in her success is not rare. this is, usually, done in the form of taunting the losing party. however, her reaction to success differs between the success of herself and the success of those she deems as hers. for the former, she does not seek praise. it is not the acknowledgment she requires, as that is flawed and not taken at heart's value. if not from Sombron, then she does not want it. however, praise is what she requires when her pawns succeed. for them to win is a win for her, as it reinforces the greedy pride of being able to create something worth loving. otherwise, success, to her, is conditional and can always be revoked. it is not something worth celebrating by the masses. in fact, it could be argued that success makes her hungrier for the possible retaliation that will follow.

REACTION TO FAILURE: depends highly on who she fails regarding the event. in light of disappointing Sombron, her apologies are swift, curt, as there is nothing else to say. her willingness to right, again, what has been wronged is high and she will take no other answer unless she's given the other chance. there is no guilt, as she does not recognize such a feeling, but the feeling aches similarly. if in the case of failing herself, her reaction is duller. again, at her core, she has come to terms with the fate she's been given, so all she is to do is find her way back unto the path paved for her. she'll try again, more determined, but emotional reactions are little to none. she understands herself best and will right herself accordingly, aiming to engrain into her the teachings that made her who she is.

DEVELOPMENT

IDEAL SELF: is constantly changing, to the point where she cannot fully recognize where she, herself, wants to be. what amount of development would be enough? from whom would this development come from? all she knows is that the ideal life she sees fit for herself is that of a mother, as it was the only thing able to fill the void in her heart. key word: was. new events have shone a light on her ideals and hope to shift them. unfortunately, because of her lack of concern for who or what she becomes, as her fate will always be written before her, the exact ideal self is unknown.

AREAS OF GROWTH: as mentioned before, loneliness is still a factor she hopes to heal. being alienated from others, even dragons like herself, because of the behavior she adapted to in hopes of defending her heart will always prove her efforts futile. to grow requires the knowledge to understand exactly what is necessary beforehand. thus, her concept of what can heal her is false and flawed. it's simple and, if she does not recognize her emotions and pick apart the years of manipulation, all will be hopeless.

BARRIERS TO GROWTH: the inability to wear her heart anywhere that is not the steel bars of her ribcages; the continuous conquest of favor for Sombron; the inability to recognize how she has affected the world and vice versa; the inability to be truthful lest she fear bleeding out on the spot; and time wearing away at the familiarity she should have with her own emotions. there is a lot that stands as an obstacle to her development. none of it will disappear quickly, so she must approach it slowly and with patience.

peony : what would a ‘ happy life ’ look like in your muse’s eyes ?

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS ・ accepting! ( warning for discussion or mentions of pregnancies, childbirth, child neglect / abuse, religious trauma, and bad parenting overall )

there are two answers to this depending on pre-death and post-death Zephia, so i'll answer this question twice, elaborate on both, and compare the expectation between the two, as slight as it might be. the order will be PRE-DEATH → POST-DEATH → COMPARISON. warning for rambling and long paragraphs, too 💕

first off, a "happy life" in PRE-DEATH Zephia's eyes would be pretty basic and concise. she would bear a child by Lord Sombron and heal her loneliness. but that's where it ends. she hadn't thought of anything after gracing a womb with a child, thus, after her child would be born, what then? what would she want after? though this "happy life" would consist of Sombron giving in to her wish, would he not expect her child to become a pawn if she taught them the ways of the Fell Dragon? but if she didn't, if she tried to be a mother like her mother once was, would her child not snap their jaws at the world like it was theirs?

no matter how many children she has, there is no place for the Four Hounds in this happy life. they were temporary in her real conquest and, thus, would be discarded once she was deemed pregnant. after all, her only reason to be Sombron's follower in the first place was for him to realize how good of a mother he could make her, right? there's a question of where she and her child go but for that, she has no answer. whatever it be, it would be nowhere close to a Fell Church. that much was for certain. she saw the treatment they gave children—took part in it, even. but she would be damned if anyone besides herself hurt her child. this, likely, extends to Sombron. she chose him as a father simply because of how absent he is in the lives of his own children so it should be the same for hers. he won't care and her child's entire world will revolve around her.

but, a "happy life" in POST-DEATH Zephia's eyes is more thought-out but less sensical. her conquest of bearing a Lord Sombron's child is still a priority, but she does not know where it stands among the others. because, now, she realizes that she does have other people she cares for. whether she has one child or plenty, the Four Hounds deserve a place at her side, however, she doesn't know where or how that is. would she take them far from the Fell Church? even after its damages have already been done? would she name Griss as the godfather of her child? Mauvier? would she forgive Marni and, in some twisted form of fate, pronounce her the dead godmother? either way, she will have a child ( because, to her, she needs to start over. a clean new slate. a clean new family. ) but where would she go to raise them?

after her death, Zephia doesn't really understand her goals or desires. she's realized that the Four Hounds were the family she wanted, yes, but would they be enough? especially after she had such an influence in all of their fates? what's to say that Griss would even be a good godfather? and if he isn't, what would she do? it isn't his fault that he's the way he is as much as it's her fault for encouraging his desires. would she discard him from the new life or would she see her child as the problem?

now for the COMPARISON. let it be known that imagining Xephia with a child is a dangerous game, as her own traumas are only repressed, not healed, and putting a child under her care would only prove how inept she is at motherhood. she wasn't made or taught how to properly love someone and her definition of parenthood is a transaction of obligation from the child for being born so... yeah.

pre-death Zephia is selfish whereas post-death Zephia is not as blind to her prior desires. this has nothing to do with Sombron, unfortunately, as she still wants to have his child. that will not change. for over a thousand years, that was her goal and, likely, will not change until a thousand more years of self-introspection occur. however, post-death Zephia does now see the Four Hounds as a family, though her understanding of this doesn't reflect that. she doesn't fully recognize the impact Griss, Mauvier, and Marni had on her conscious. so while she definitely imagines them being a part of a "happy life", in comparison to pre-death Zephia who will not think of them as anything beyond what they are, i don't think she knows what or where they'll be. because, after all, Marni's death was by her hands and Mauvier is nowhere to be found.

it's simple to assume that a "happy life" in Zephia's eyes would be something cruel and purposefully full of malice ( ex. founding a Fell Church of her own, or another faction of followers, or reviving Sombron completely ) but the only goal in life that she can remember having is to bear a child and live a life of fullness with them. the specifics aren't and were never thought out fully.

ZEPHIA ( ZELESTIA ) DAHUT - KUROSAWA. has arrived at Garreg Mach Monastery!

#RUINAKETE ━━━ private roleplay blog for Zephia of Fire Emblem: Engage ( FE17 ); interpreted & loved by Elix ( 8TEEN / any prns ); affiliated with The Officers Academy as a faculty member.

NOTES ON PORTRAYAL.

with Zephia being written after the canon events of Engage, the likelihood of spoilers appearing in their posts is highly possible. of course, I will tag all of the appropriate posts accordingly. the official tag for any spoilers will be # engage spoilers to avoid them.

hired at Garreg Mach Monastery as a professor ( switching between Sword, Reason, and Flying classes ) and a dutiful church attendant, Zelphia arrives in Fódlan to shatter the unity of the Church of Seiros. with every crack of doubt created, she hopes to engrain the teachings of the Fell Dragon into the young minds of her students; to start their conquest over in a new continent.

having been brought back, Zephia has recognized her prior relationship with the Four Hounds as the kind of love she's fought so hard for. however, the effect this will have on her IC will be gradual. her detachment and independence from Lord Sombron as her utmost priority upon realizing that she can successfully create pawns to unconditionally love her is another factor I hope to explore with time. this is not to say that she does not / will not still support Sombron's cause.

also, in the case that it must be stated, Zephia is not a friendly or kind-hearted muse. none of her intentions are, in the slightest, of goodwill. there are plenty of boundaries that she will purposefully cross without apologizing and social standards she will break. Zephia is a bad person that will not be redeemed on this blog. just let it be known that I do not agree or condone her actions or morals.

because of how often she was near / learned of the Emblems and had a hand on them at some point, Zephia will mistake some muses in the monastery for their Emblem alternates. of course, this will be one-sided and not reciprocated.

as Zelestia is Zephia's alternate, I am beyond open to writing her for little AU / split interactions that are not set in the timeline of current Fódlan. depending on certain prompts / ask memes, Zelestia will be substituted instead of Zephia for a more fitting response. this substitution will be less than the amount I write Zephia since her alternate is not the muse I applied for.

NAVIGATION ━━━ RULES; MUSE; STATS; INTERVIEW; THREADS; SUPPORTS PAGE.

TAGS.

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ the cruelty of a mother's greed ・ 【 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 】 .

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ a bleeding dragonstone; her heart crystal ・ 【 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 】 .

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ to appease the handmade goddess ・ 【 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 】 . ( all answered asks )

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ in the mouth of his dragon ・ 【 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 】 .

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ she; who motherhood laughs at ・ 【 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 】 . ( drabbles of the muse )

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ she; the daughter known by her teeth ・ 【 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 】 . ( headcanons or meta written about the muse )

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ love is pain; pain is punishment ・ 【 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 】 . ( any quotes from literature that are reblogged )

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ an immortal's memories ・ 【 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃 】 . ( posts that are reblogged that were not written by myself but contain an interaction with my muse that i want to save )

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ mun; barely ・ 【 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 】 .

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ thread name ・ 【 𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 】 .

☽ ━━━━━━ ❝ mission name ・ 【 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 】 .

croissant - what is your muse's ideal date?

PASTRY LOVE HEADCANONS ・ not accepting!

going to be real honest with you all ... I can't think of one that would work ten out of ten times. I don't believe that she would even enjoy dates? or, at the very least, expect to enjoy them? she'd likely see them as a nuisance ... ?

now, this is if it's the common idea of a date, which is dining together somewhere nice and having light conversations. Zephia hardly cares about eating or food, and dislikes idle chatter that is only meant to pass the time, so I think she'd expect you to pay her back for giving you her divided attention since she'd get bored halfway through the starter courses. especially if it's a luxurious dinner.

however! if the date was something simple, like discussing quaint topics ranging from the transformation of dark magic to its user to the best strategies to capture a fortress with x soldiers and x supplies, then she'd enjoy that! having small debates in her office, with the lights low and dinner being something small and easy.

the only other ideal date for Zephia that I can think of right now is flying together; whether you're on her wyvern or commanding your own mount. at her wyvern's side is, of course, where I see her being at her utmost serenity, and that's likely the only time you can keep her on a date for a long time. this isn't to say her eyes absolutely brighten and she does that little cute head tilt that moves her hair if you ask her for an afternoon of flying, but her eyes absolutely brighten and she does that little cute head tilt that moves her hair if you ask her for an afternoon of flying—

cannoli - how does your muse express love? how do they act when in love that differs from how they act around others normally?

PASTRY LOVE HEADCANONS ・ not accepting!

hrm hrm hrm ... under the assumption that love, at least for the first question, extends to its platonic and familial forms, then the simple answer would be the phrase from her inspiration tag, "love is pain. pain is punishment". the third part would simply repeat, "and punishment is love".

although I've discussed her view on romantic love in small headcanons, I do not think it would stray too far from her ideals surrounding familial and platonic love. after all, are all forms of love not customary for obligation? is there not something to be given and laid in your partner's hands no matter the bond?

while I highly disagree with the notion that Zephia had any actual love, whether romantic or any, for Sombron, as she debunks this thought when speaking to Griss in Chapter 23, the way she behaves towards him is what she would expect from her partner; obedient, eager to please, and attentive to all she says. since he was the one to find her, centuries ago, she is the one who owes him all she is. servitude is the only expression of love that she believes is genuine.

anyone can say they love you. anyone can perform grand feats of public love. anyone can open their coin pouch and buy a gift in your name. but only a few can, without hesitation, throw themselves at your feet to make you smile.

the only difference between romantic, familial, and platonic love is the degree of affection; and how much you would sacrifice and lose in their name. "love is pain. pain is punishment. and punishment is love." can you really love someone if you are not willing to cut out their heart at the happenstance of betrayal? what of infidelity? failure? pain and punishment will always have a place in Zephia's heart, and, as such, will be equally taught to those she loves.

if you do not commit to the part, then you will be punished. if you do not reciprocate, then you will be hurt. to be loved, and be able to love, is the consent to withstand the inevitable pain that follows any relationship. and because Zephia will only love someone she sees as worthy, first, then her approach calls for their servitude, not the other way around.

love is pain, but that pain is not a two-way street until you tilt the scales of the hierarchy and step out of line.

aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS ・ accepting! ( asked also by @sublimeflowoftime and @enarmor! ) ( brief warning for very small suicide attempt mention in second paragraph )

though i want to say her reaction would be extreme, it actually isn't. in fact, it's the opposite? her handle on grief, reaction-wise, is quite calculated despite the immediate dissociation as if her heart doesn't fully understand that she's supposed to be grieving.

likewise, the only times i can remember Zephia being forced to grieve, with her whole heart, is after the destruction of her village and before Griss' death ( as she had bled out before he did ). her instinct in light of both incidents was to take back control; younger her immediately tried to destroy her Dragonstone and, to an extent, herself instead of idly carrying or being the cause of her parents' deaths while pre-death her used the rest of her magic to create a crystal for Alear, more to spite Sombron than to help Alear despite it doing just that and her words insinuating the latter.

so, in a way, it could be argued that Zephia doesn't really acknowledge grief properly until a loooong time passes. her first instinct will always be to regain the control she lost from "grieving" in the first place. and by not recognizing grief as an actual emotion until centuries pass, she tends to forget exactly what brought the grief upon her in the first place. and that kind of just... ruins the whole healing process. it's like a continuous cycle.

I wish I could give a more elaborate answer but Zephia, at her core, is a person who doesn't waste much time on the human aspects that make her, her. that's just not who she is or who she was raised to be; both by her tribe and Sombron.

for example, instead of actually being sad about Marni's betrayal ( which I can confidently say had an impact on her, no matter if the said impact was big or not ), she immediately killed the hound instead of wasting time to wonder what drove Marni to act the way she did. while that was cruel and Zephia's uncaring comments on it were heartless, I truly believe that it was her form of grieving. taking back the control she loses is the only comfort she deems necessary to helping her feel better.

however, another factor might just be that she didn't really care that much for Marni at that time since she had yet to realize the dynamic they had was what she had wanted all along. so, to Zephia of the past and present, that incident wouldn't even be counted as something to grieve over. but there is no doubt that she does care about her.

anywho, my last note on this is to reiterate that grief likely isn't an emotion she's been subjected to a lot, which, in her thousands of years alive, wouldn't make her as responsive or familiar with it.

daisy : did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ? what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?

BOTANICAL HEADCANONS ・ accepting! ( asked also by @sorcerese! )

these are only two questions but man, the mental gymnastics I had to do to properly articulate my thoughts on this...

first off, as of the current year / time of interpretation, Zephia would not feel as though her innocence had been lost. in fact, it's probably fair to say that she doesn't even think about her childhood or the past, in general, at all. this isn't in the sense that she purposefully refrains from reminiscing but she likely forgot the source of her emotions because of how long she's been alive. and yes, while Zelestia remembers her childhood, the difference is that Zephia had been in the service of a Fell Dragon who was not against brainwashing subjects for better productivity ( ie; the Fell Church, Veyle, etc ). the likelihood of any of her memories being slowly pushed to the back of her head to maintain a stricter focus is high.

also, in her ( Zelestia's ) A rank support with Mauvier, it says:

Mauvier: I have heard that her draconic instincts were abnormally powerful, even for a Mage Dragon. It is said that her home village was destroyed by an uncontrolled surge of her magic. Some go so far as to say that if Sombron was not the Fell Dragon, then she would be. Zelestia: No, that couldn’t possibly…

with Zephia being the catalyst of the event that left her vulnerable to Sombron's teachings, it wouldn't be surprising that her body gradually made her forget the trauma associated with her adolescent years. besides, her mindset is heavily focused on the future instead of what led up to it. so, to answer the first question, no, she does not feel or think about her lost innocence at all, as it no longer matters to her; the past cannot be changed, so why think about it?

but let it be known that her innocence was long lost before she began her life as Sombron's servant.

what do I mean by that?

assuming that the mage dragon tribes are tightly - knit communities based on familial hierarchies, freedom ( in the sense of knowing everything and wanting to learn without fear of judgment ), and moral standards ( ie; outright refusing to side with Sombron in the Fell Xenologue despite the power he held against them ), it would be humiliating for Zephia as a young dragon to have no control over or idea of what to do with all of the magic she's been born with. while some would be fond of the power, there would also be plenty of others that would worship or fear her. so knowing that, despite practicing restlessly day and night as the other younger mage dragons played to their heart's content, it would be her magic that destroyed the village would absolutely traumatize her.

the realization that she would never be able to redeem her magic for a good purpose of equal significance would promptly be the end of her childhood curiosity / purity.

( though, I can see her innocence already being strained beforehand since she would have been placed on a pedestal above the other mage dragons her age simply because of her draconic abilities; thus learning at a pace that would gradually rid her of her child self and open her eyes to see the world differently )

hc + vengeance

WORD HEADCANONS & DRABBLE ・ accepting! ( word count challenge beneath the readmore; 500 goal; 507 reached! content warnings; mentions / implications of engage spoilers; mass murder; attempted suicide(s); suicidal thoughts; self-harm! )

to wrong zephia takes a grand amount of strength; a feat, really. this is not because she makes herself impeachable, as there's no doubt that the cracks in her image are visible. however, it's because most that attempt to wrong her are disposed of the moment she realizes their intent. instead, i think the main aggressor in her mind━━━the main person she once wanted vengeance against-was herself. not many wrongs have been dealt against her, and the one with the greatest impact was the one she committed by herself.

vengeance is not a sweet thing, to zephia. when her magic swelled from her dragonstone and tore down the walls of her home, setting both friend and kin aflame, her first reaction had been to condemn herself to a fate alike theirs. to destroy her dragonstone would be to kill the part of her that only brought grief. to destroy herself would be to kill the part of her that brought disappointment. thus, for centuries, she tried to take her life, failing each time, over and over again until sombron directed her rage towards the wrongful acts of mankind and those divine.

currently, zephia is not sure whether or not she seeks retribution from alear for burying her under her lava and stone. because, yes, though the divine dragon had killed her, had she not been the one to push the stone of fate rolling? should she not be the one punished for condemning griss to a death that belonged only to her?

for now, as she ponders what became of her past life and this second chance at breathing wholly, she will punish alear for ever thinking she could rid herself of a hound. for now, as she comes to the realization that her longed-for family does not need to come from her womb, she will punish griss for his reverence in her as a goddess and household head.

WAILING SHOOK THE WITHERED TREES OF THEIR SNOW, echoing through the mountains that once belonged to the heart of this dragon, heard above the crackling of flames and snapping of wood as it came to rest. and this mage dragon━━━poor, poor girl. useless, useless daughter━━━clawed at her skin as she trembled and shook violently, heaving in the smoke of her parents and tearing the evidence of failure from her body. o' divine one, she pleaded, she bemoaned, wake me from this night terror. pull me from the duvet of mama's bed and let her live to scold my laziness. remind me that i am not a ruination. but the last night terror she had was as a babe━━━centuries ago, cradled in her mother's arms. "divine..." she gasped, hiccupping and choking on each breath she took in, pitiful as she looked to her parents' guardians to forsake her, "divine... oh god... i didn't mean to! i... i didn't mean to kill them! i... oh divine, my.... i'm useless━━━i'm sorry, i'm so sorry!" another tremor shook her body, knocking her to her knees in the snow and ash, staining her carmine-dirty robes that her mother would not be able to wash. the thought of it━━━sangria eyes led astray to the limp hand some meters away━━━sent her into another fit of panic. the crux of her wails nearly silenced by the thrum of her heart, the glowing steadiness of... no. mage dragon rose her head, her gaze blurry with tears and face smudged with soot. the grief in the air was palpable, cut only by a frigid wind or two, and interrupted, constantly, by the thrum of a heart. it had been easy to find; stuck in the snow, tucked away as though it had no hand in what became of her. no. when she had lunged for the dragonstone, her body had not been ready for the abrupt action. she met snow, first, splayed across carmine and gray, but she scrambled despite the ache between her eyes━━━above her head, the weight of her horns was unbalanced, as though one had broken off a piece of itself just as she had. the moment her claws closed around the stone, she raised it in the air and brought it back down. the rocks beneath it shook, but the stone remained aglow. so, she slammed it down again and again and again and again until her hand met the rocks instead of the dragonstone that fell to her lap. skin split apart and bled, but it would not match the amount of her tribe's. thus, her adrenaline softened into fatigue, slowing her momentum and swaying her as she kneeled. it had not taken long for the mage dragon to slump over, shoulders trembling still as her arms curled to hug her stomach. useless, she was. stupid, foolish girl. utterly immovable despite the sorrow that racked through her body, curled over the dragonstone in her lap; the last of its kind, a reminder of what she could not be and would never become.