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#dont you guys every get tired of making everything about your fucking dumb holidays you stole from other cultures
unforth · 7 months
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I. Hurt.
And I was hurting anyway, I'm pretty down this morning, but this hurt came from an outside source, and affected me in a way I'd honestly not have expected.
See, we bought Nimona last week. After seeing the movie, my kids wanted to read it. And I ended up reading ahead, and I just finished it.
Bonus content at the end, it said, and I was like, oh, an epilogue to the epilogue maybe? That'd be nice. I don't love bittersweet endings, I'd rather...
...no, it's not the conclusion.
It's CHRISTMAS.
In a book that'd had no religion that I noticed up to that point, BOTH bonus extras...were Christmas.
Ya know, usually it doesn't bother me. Usually I just suck it up. I think it helps that I was raised around mostly Jews and people who, if Christian, it didn't matter much to them. I'm from the Upper West Side of Manhattan, the descendent of Lower East Side immigrants, and while the world outside was brutal - my grandfather was a World War 2 veteran and among the soldiers who liberated Dachau, I can't remember a time when I didn't know that most people would look the other way if people like me were slaughtered wholesale - my bubble was safe, we were accepted, we were insiders.
I honestly can't think of another time I've interacted with a piece of media and felt so immediately, instantly knocked across the face by OUTSIDER as I just did when I excitedly turned the page to see what these fun extra bonuses were...and it was fucking Christmas.
I didn't even read them.
I'm honestly. So disappointed.
I don't have a thick armor for this kind of hurt. I'm Jewish, and as an adult living outside my old UWS bubble, that's often meant I've felt like an outlier, but I've hardly ever had this feeling where I was welcome to something only to be suddenly, violently shoved out the door.
And I've heard nothing, n.o.t.h.i.n.g. but praise for this book. And on another day, it might not have bothered me. I've never really felt like I had to fight to be seen, especially since I'm tremendously secular. I mean, I've celebrated Christmas my entire life, for starters.
But why. Why was this fantasy setting suddenly Christian? Why was this the touted extra content? Why is THIS special, when the areligious world established to that point was apparently not special enough?
I can't say yet if this ruined the story for me. It's far too soon. But I'm *intensely*, viscerally let down, and...I hurt.
Christians...maybe stop doing this shit.
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askyancy · 4 years
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Holidays
Holidays are always hard y’know? 
Everyone gets busy and off to go see their family for a few weeks.  Folks get caught up in all kinds of stuff and then they aren’t as active else where or just down right too tired to do more than a quick hi hello. 
I remember... Back when I was in school and the rest of my siblings were graduated, they’d be so busy, at work all the time. I’d finish for the season and be at home while everyone else was out at work. I met online friends and would talk to them but they’d get busy with stuff too. Family home etc... 
Me? I’d be home alone from 8am to 7pm most days. Sparkles would be home first and be so tired they’d just go straight to their room after grabbing whatever dinner I’d made for them to come home to. 
Holidays sucked... I always felt so isolated. I guess you could say I was a little bitter, but I didn’t hold it against them. Second I was out of school I was the same. Got a job, was gone all day. I don’t really know how we got from there to here but hey shit happens... 
I guess all the cooking gave me that love of sharp pointy objects heh...  ....
I remember one year... I was 17. Sparkles came home with this big cake they’d picked up on the way home. We decorated it together with that edible glitter stuff. Made a glitter snowman and some glittery trees. When Evan and Sarah got home we tucked into it and sat around playing mario kart til 4am....  Best holiday we’d had.... I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it. 
But HTP is family now, and me n Sparkles have gotten closer than we’ve ever been in the last 4 years. HTP did a lot for us but it also took a lot away....  I miss making music with the others. We had so many jokes between us.... I can’t ever get that back but, leaving this place would be wrong.... We’d just go back to jobes and lives and the occasional collab to make music.... Sparkles and I would drift away and I can’t have that.... 
I know Sparkles only stays here cos they feel some obligation to look after me even though I’ve proven I can take care of myself just fine plenty of times.  So that burger bitch got the drop on me. I was sick.. AM sick... But hey I’m still here right? Pulled through just fine...  I dunno.... I guess.. I feel selfish? Like I’m forcing Sparkles to stay here and they might not want to. But I know if we leave I’ll lose my big sibling. I lose the guy I kinda fell for. I lose a person who’d break the neck of any bastard who hurt me. I lose the big softie that is Jimmy The Pickle and the father figure that’s Hank...  No worries, no stress, no bills, no fuss..... 
Happy Trails Penitentiary has been more of a loving home than I could ever hope to have had, I just wish it had been better circumstances that I got my dumb ass tossed in here. and I guess part of me wishes Sparkles never got charged for being my accomplice... especially when they had nothing to do with it. they just went down with me willingly and stayed here. Lookin after me... 
Holidays at HTP? They’ve always felt like home. I decorate with Sparkles, we do such a good job every year, we hand craft gifts, I play music in the hall and we all sing for the Warden. Last year Sparkles hand knitted me a glittery blue sweater cos I was cold, they’ve probably made me a fuckin onesie this time after everything heh....  Maybe I’ll catch Yancy under the mistletoe this year if he’s lucky.  ... Just.... 
HTP is my home.. my family... 
I guess-... I guess what I’m tryna say is that. You might have your stress and your busy lives, headed home to see family you might not get along with or parents that dont accept you for who you are. You might be dragged to that big family party where you aren’t out yet and get misgendered and dead names or you might et hate and abuse from that homophobic piece of shit. That one member of the family constantly asking you about your romantic interests or employment status or..whatever.... 
But when you come back to your chosen family. The ones you’re close to. The ones you love and love you for who you are.... Thats when you really celebrate. And sure those people may be too far away to see in person but well.. theyre still here.  Maybe pop into a voice call or vid chat or something and get a little party going, some music that sorta thing.... 
Maybe I’m just rambling a bit I dunno.. I’m still heavily medicated and sick as fuck but hopefully you get my point...
The holidays suck... but your friends can always make it suck a little less. 
I’m gonna go shove pasta in my face now and pass out for the next three days. 
-BB
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happyimaginaryme · 5 years
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Retail
I really don't want to work retial anymore. Infact I don't want to work customer service jobs anymore. I've been doing it for 8 years and my currant Job is breaking me. Its not a bad job persay? Like don't get me wrong, I don't mind the pay, the yearly raises (even if they are small -cough- .25-.40 cents small -cough-) and the benfits are decent.
However... Is it fucking worth it? The shit we go through. The Shit Customers put us through. Sure sure there are some you like. Some you may even worry about if you don't see them. Some who you may see as a friend. It's going to happen.
However they don't always make up for the ones who are just nasty, The ones who are demanding, or The ones who creep you out. It's just tiring some. If something small doesnt go their way they chew your head out.
Like roday (well yesterday now) I am not even in work an hour and a lady comes over to the photo department to ask for her photos.... Sure fine no problem. Well you would think. No other rhan giving us her name the first thing she snaps at us is "Where is my 15% discount?! That's the regular price. I had a coupon for 15% off!" Absultly demanding the extra $2 dollars off. Now I am the closing manager. So I can okay the sale. But we need to see the coupon code as proof.
Now she has her phone in hand (A smart phone mind you) and she tells us its in her e-mail. That she can't get to it.
So I said 'well we can look on our website and see if we can get you another deal. There might be a better one...."
She wasn't happy with that. She demanded her 15. (Even tho onlime we had a %30 off for enlargmets which is what she got. But w.e she wanted 15)
Fastforward a few minutes after I gave her the %15 off b.c I wasn't going to argue with her she starts to accuse us for printing out her photos wrong. So my accoate explainds to her that we only print what is.sent over. We can't change things. (We can crop but only a little bit.)
Well she wasn't happy and refused the order. But.she still wanted 3 of her photos to take. So I adjusted the price. And she left once it was lowered from 15 to $7... Like lady damn.
And it just got on my last nerv. And I was only an hour in. Between a couponer whos crazy, a theif who lets her kid run around crazy while she is dressed in onsi pajamas, A guy trying to return something without a recept and then steeling what he wanted to exstange for, and a cowroker who wont so anything... I'm tired.
I am tired of being one of the only workers who does something. And there are days where I feel like I am the only one. (I love three of my coworkers to death but one goes around playing with a telzon, one dissapears or stops working after one task and the other takes his time and sometimes rather watch youtube as he works) but thoes are the three that will also work when asked. Everyone else are lazy shits.
Plus we work every fucking holiday and my store manager is always like "I have such a good team they will work the hokidays and then I wont have to yay! ESCUSE YOU BITCH I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE IT OFF TOO AND MAKE YOU WORKK! Fucking cunt.
Then we do work the holiday and we get a lot of "sorry you're open. At least we/I'm here to make your time well spent
No Karen you being here is WHY we have to. GTF home and be christmas or whatrver you celebrate hole. Like DAMN the less customerd we havr the less likely we'll be open.
And whats really not fair is the Pharmacy is closed and all the techs don't have to work. I get their primary jobs are to work in the pharmacy but when they want extra hours they are up front with us. So I don't get why the Techs don't have to work either. Or maybe we shouldn't give them hours bc they don't even volinteer and when asked they say nah sorry. Well screw you crystal you "intitled" bitch. Yet god forbid we dont help them the following morning when they are overflowing with scripts. Coulda shoulda worked it then.
I am also so tired of the distract managers telling us to be non Bias yet have western Union and to be suspecious of everyone who is making a purchas.
Don't accuse anyone from steeling even as you watch them do it, but as soon as they go to the Kiosk for western union you need to know everything from their mother's maden name to their great aunts sosocal secerety number.
Speaking of we now card everyone. Oh yeah you 80 years old and want to smoke some newports but you forgot your I.D? Sorry bra no lung crushers for you today. But here you can buy this lighter for 1.59. Have a great day!
Also corpate is so dumb. Half of them probbaly never worked in reatail their life but insists they know how to treat customers. Sorry to say this bucko but the customers always right BULL SHIT flew out the window along with beepers. Customers are NOT always right. They are NOT right when they yell at your face. They are NOT right when they call you names. They are NOT right when they tell you to have a real job. They are NOT right when they bring in their tiny non service dogs and allow them to pee on our floor. The only thing a customer should do is get their item(s) pay for them and get the fuck out. If a coupon ism't working we can usually solve why in minutes without you butching and yelling. Like okay Linda I'm not going to give it to you if you keep yelling in my face.
Also why do customers think its okay to hit on you? I have this customer who chases me around the store, asks me to merry her a few times a wek. What does my managers do? Laugh about it. Coz we can't kick customers out of the store unless they are physically hurting us or useing cuss words. Nothing about sexual herassment.
Lets not even get me started with school kids. Kids to vandlize our bathrooms, and cuss throughout the store. Not to mention steal what they can.
Fuck I am just tired. Goodnignt.
Stressful depressful Lemon Zest
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futurewriter2000 · 5 years
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Imma Rant cuz I’m really pissed right now
What’s life? Honestly, what the fuck is life? Like the bullshit I believed that life can be beautiful if you just open your mind to it. That’s the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever let myself believe because it’s not! Life isn’t beautiful. It’s suffer and pain, dissapointment, resentment, disunity and it’s confusing. 
Like the fact that I am so dumb! I am so mf dumb that I can’t even- I can’t even tell you how mf dumb I am! 
And at times like these- no, like from this point actually I understand why my dad is the way he is because what my mom says “The more good-hearted you are, the more you look like an ass.” is so mf true because it’s not just the money but the more you let people beleive that you’re good, the more they step on you and use you like a piece of bread they don’t want anymore. 
I always try. I always try my best to keep connections with people. I always try my best to still be friends. I hate losing people I care about but then, now, I realize that I might care about them way too much than they care about me. Why am I aways the one trying to keep in touch? Why am I always the one calling them, texting them, asking them on a coffee, being there for them and then still get the “You never have time for me.” . LIKE I TRY MY FUCKING BEST! I MAKE TIME FOR THEM! I MAKE TIME EVEN WHEN I KNOW I SHOULDN’T BECASUE I HAVE MY OWN THINGS TO DO AS WELL!! I aways say that I put myself first but I never do. I put my best friend before me, my sister, my mum and even my dad. I put my friends before me, my cousins - EVERYBODY. And I put myself on the fucking last place. 
I try my best to be good. I try my best to mke other people happy becasue that makes me happy. But lately, making other people happy, doesn’t make me happy at all. I’m misrable. Because nobody tries to make me happy as much as I try to make them happy. It hurts. It hurts and it’s annoying and it’s making me feel dumb. 
I told my best friend when are we meeting up. She comes with the usual “I don’t know answer.” Everything I ask her is “I don’t know.”. I am always the one to text, “Are we going today or not?” I am always the one that has to plan out everything becasue they JUST. DON’T.CARE.  and they wait for me to do everything for them. I’M SICK OF THAT. I want her to plan something. I want her to call me and ask me for coffee, now that it’s May holidays not then when I have to do school and study my ass. And I hate that she hides things from me. And not in a way that I don’t know but like she gives this tiny little hint that she’s in the town where her ex is. And I ask, what the fuck is she doing there and she just leaves me on seen. Like I’m sorry if your old best friend did shit to you but I’m not her and I WANT to know what’s happening in your life, not just be a random extravagant idea that pops in your head when you have nobody else to hang out with. Does she know how that hurts?! To know she doesn’t even try. We are BEST friends. Why does it suddenly feel like we’re just becoming friends again?
I lended my friend, who is also my classmate 20€. And I know that for someo f you that’s not much but for me that’s a lot. I don’t have much money. I am in school, a student, with 75€ alimony a month. I pay my own bills and I am not left with much. So, I lended my classmate 20€ becasue her family doesn’t have 20€ to take her little sister to the capital for a doctors appointment or something. Of course, I wanted to help so I gave her 20€. But then..a week later if not even sooner, she forgot about those 20€ completely. She started saying how she gave her bf 20€ for ciggarettes and she kept buying food from the cafeteria, going to the store to buy food and sending me snaps of her going everywhere. I even went with her to the post so she could lift some money and  she like lifted 400€. Now, sorry but I feel like a fucking dumbass falling for that shit! Did she really tae her little sister? Or was that a scheme to decieve me into giving her the money so she can give it to her bf for cigars?
I talked to this guy. Since September we’ve been doing nothing but talking to eachother every day. And last time he said somethign offending to me and I told him that he was being rude but he was just like- I mean he thinks I’ll just get over it like I did in the past. But I’m sorry. If you hurt my feelings I won’t be running to you. I miss him. I do. But I’m not going to be dumb enough to be the first one to text him. I’m not going to do myself this and let him believe that I have no feelings whatsoever. If he cared he’d text me a long time ago. But it’s been four days and I guess it’s done. Just another disappointment in my life, I guess. 
My sister is in college. She has a job, a fine job where she just sits on a chair and sells lottery tickets. She gets around 300€ - 400€ paycheck and I still had to give her 20��� from my 75€ alimony, my last 20€ that I had, for her to buy toothbrush, deodorant and eyeliner for me, toothpase and a shampoo. That comes over 10€ but less than 15€ so I told her what is left, give me back because I don’t have any money. Last night she came home drunk and I asked her if there was anything left. She said around 3€ because she bought herself facemasks, hair oils, tissues and spent those 3€ on ciggaretes. I don’t know anymore. I honeslty dont.
 I GIVE MY MONEY FOR THE ONE THING I HATE THE MOST IN LIFE! CIGARS! FUCKING CIGARS! EVERYBODY BUYS THESE STUPID CIGARS! SHE SPENDS HER ALIMONY, HER PAYCHECK AND HER SCHOLARSHIP ON DRINKS AND CIGARSS AND NOW SHE SPENT MY LAST MONEY ON HERSELF! I NEED MONEY! I’M SORRY BUT I NEED TO SURVIVE! I’M SORRY BUT MONEY FOR ME IS NOW EVERYTHING BECASUE I’M BROKE AND I’M TRYING TO PAY THE BILLS AND I’M TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP THIS “FAMILY” FUNCTIONING! I’M TRYING MY BEST IN SCHOOL! I’M TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP IT TOGETHER WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS JUST KILL MYSELF AND FUCKING DIE ALREADY! MY MOM IS COMPLAINING THAT HER LIFE SUCKS! WHAT SUX ABOUT IT MUM! YOU LEFT! YOU LEFT ME AND MY SISTER AND MY DRUNK ASS FATHER AND YOU LEFT TO YOUR BF AND I’M HAPPY FOR YOU AND I LOVE YOU BUT YOU HAVE EVERYTHING AND I HAVE NOTHING AND HOW IS THAT BAD?! HOW IS YOUR LIFE BAD NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS FALLING IN THE RIGHT PLACE FOR YOU! I’M BATTLEING NOT ONLY MINE BUT OTHERS BATTLES BECASUE I’M DUMB! I’M DUMB AND STUPID AND NAIVE TO BELIVE THAT ONE DAY! THAT DAY, THAT SITUATION THAT I HOPEFULLY BELIVE EVERYTHING WILL GO RIGHT, disappoints me like all the others before.
So what is the point of life? What is the logic in living the life when you don’t have the main thing to live it. Money. That’s the meaning of life now, isn’t it? Either you are born in the rich or the poor, your fate is sealed. The rich have their family to back them up if they slip. What I have is a hard ground to get up to and start climping again if I slip. I fight but I’m so tired of figthing. I just want to let go of everything.
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overbakedone · 6 years
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1
this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.
instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.
im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.
i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.
i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.
one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.
fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.
alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.
i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.
am i an unlikable person
the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 
so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 
thanks for listening   i guess 
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iluvu3k · 7 years
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D.Y.W.M.T.L.A.S.I.L.Y? PART 2
Do you want me to lie and say I love you? Part 2
A/N: Yall asked for it so here it is im sorry
warning:swearing, smut, tom is a fucking asshole and i hate myself for writing him like this but you guys love it, wtf is reader doing, GUYS THERES SMUT SO DONT READ IT AND GET MAD AT ME IM ALMOST 21 I CAN DO WHAT I WANT
words: 2.6k (its so long im sorry)
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You had found a flight home that night and made it to Kingston by sundown the next day. It was weird being home after traveling around the globe with Tom and Harrison for so long but it was nice to be where Tom had no control over you.
You had shut off your phone after the incident not wanting to be bothered by anyone but upon turning it back on you were bombarded with messages from Harrison, all worrying about you. After a long shower and a quick meal you decided to give him a call.
“(Y/N)!” He yelled into the phone, you could hear the relief in this voice, it almost made you feel better.
“Harrison!” You mock yelled back, trying to keep the mood light.
“Why haven’t you answered me? Tom said you left and I had to almost kill him to explain to me why, then I actually killed him afterwards. I was so worried, (y/n). I’m sorry.” You both talked for about an hour after that, mostly about how you missed him already, trying to avoid the topic of Tom. He promised to visit you soon but to try to facetime you at least once a day.
When you hung up you missed that familiar kiss on your temple that you had always exchanged before you parted. And it was all Tom’s fault. He took this all from you. You hated him.
 You found a job at a studio in London, Harrison forced Tom to put in a good word for you. It kept you busy during the days and during the nights you waited for a call from Harrison that would last for hours. You would curl up on your bed, secretly missing the excitement of a new hotel bed almost every night, and laugh with Harrison until he forced himself to hang up. It warmed your heart to have a friend at night since everything felt so wrong during the day. You had grown so accustom to new sights, new foods, and new faces. Everything now was so mundane. The only thing you looked forward to anymore was Harrison’s stories, but there was always that small part of you that you hid deep inside that hated his face because all you could see was Tom, and all you remembered were those last words he said to you.
“So, I’ll be home in a few days, are you going to show me around your new studio?” Harrison smiled on the other end, your heart skipping a beat.
“You’re coming home? Is Tom coming?” Harrison tried his best not to let that comment hurt him, but his face told the whole story. “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant, Harrison. I am happy you’re coming home, I miss you so much, I just want to try to avoid Tom, you know?” You bit your lip.
“I understand. He’ll be home too. We have a three week break from filming for the Holidays.” His attitude had completely changed and you regretted even asking about Tom.
“Well, at least I’ll have my favorite man to spend Christmas with.” You tried to cheer him up.
“Yeah, well, listen, I have to go. I’ll see you soon, love you.” He hung up without even letting you respond and you dropped your phone on your bed next to you, sighing in frustration.
You knew you couldn’t avoid Tom forever but you assumed you had more time.
  “This is a bad idea.” You whispered to yourself, brushing a few strands of hair that fell in your face as you forced yourself out of your car. You were dressed to the nines, you had woken up three hours early to do your hair and makeup. Tom and Harrison were coming home today and you were meeting them at the airport as a surprise. No, you were meeting Harrison at the airport, Tom could keep walking, you were here for your friend.
You waited patiently, watching over the heads of family members who greeted their loved ones. People were filing out in pairs slowly, filling the room quickly. You were almost worried they had walked right past you when you spotted a familiar head of brown curls followed by a blonde. You dropped from your tippy toes and squeezed your way through the crowed mumbling small apologies.
“Harrison!” You yelled, throwing yourself into his unsuspecting arms. He let out a laugh, wrapping his strong arms around you and lifting you into the air.
“Hey!” He set you down, kissing your temple, a gesture you had missed dearly. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I thought I’d surprise my favorite man, after all, you’ve done so much for me the last month, you deserve to be treated right.” You held his hands, watching him smile from ear to ear. Every part of you wanted to be one hundred percent focused on him but you could see Tom in the corner of your eye, waiting for his best friend so they could retrieve their bags, annoyed as ever. His hat helped hide his face but he would have to fish his sun glasses out of his carry on to be able to hide the glare that he was currently sporting.
He cleared his throat, grabbing both of your attention. You were thankful you were given a chance to stare at him without looking desperate. He looked tired, a few loose curls falling in front of his sunken eyes.
“Tom.” You nodded, taking a deep breath to keep your composure.
“(Y/N). Harrison, can we fetch our bags, I really want to go home and sleep for the next three weeks.” You could hear him try to hold back his annoyance of watching you all over his best friend, but Harrison just smiled and apologized, picking his carry on off the ground and leading you both to the exit.
Harrison tried his best to politely keep you from jumping all over him in front of Tom but you were so excited to have him back, you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. You didn’t care about what Tom thought about it, or maybe you did, but you wouldn’t admit that. You wouldn’t admit that you spent hours trying to match the perfect tight shirt to your leggings, making sure every curve showed in just the right way or how you tied your hair up just enough to show off that little bit of neck you knew Tom loved to kiss. This was all for Harrison, completely platonic of course.
You drove Harrison home letting Tom catch a cab back. His hand rested on your thigh as you talked about all the little details he missed throughout the month of facetiming. You missed the joy in his voice that technology could never truly register. He always could lighten up any conversation with it.
You couldn’t help but feel sad at you pulled up to his house, dreading being alone again, but he needed family time and he hadn’t slept in his own bed in who knows how long.
“I’m going to miss you.” You pouted.
“I’m like, a mile away from you.” He laughed, holding your hand.
“I know. I just can’t wait to see you again. You said Tuesday you want to see my studio?”
“Yeah, just a few days. I’ll facetime you if that makes you feel better.” He kissed your hand before letting it go, gathering up his carry on off of the floor of your car.
“I mean you could always just walk over but facetime is fine too.” You smiled.
“We’ll see, love you.” He kissed your temple, you instinctively shut your eyes at the comforting gesture.
  The next week and a half was bliss. Harrison stopped by after dinner almost every night if he could. Even if it was only for a little while, it still made all the difference in the world being curled up on the couch with your best friend instead of sitting in your empty apartment dreading the silence.
You had showed him your new job, it was a very small set and it wasn’t very exciting but Harrison made you feel like a million bucks for working there. Acting surprised at every little thing.
On his free days you were lazy in bed, watching dumb movies, cough cough batman, and eating junk food that you would regret after he left again.
And as promised you had spent Christmas together, you went to his parents’ house, ate dinner, exchanged gifts. He had gotten you a necklace with a small origami dog charm on it. You had seen it in a small knickknack shop that you had walked past with Harrison a few days before. You had made him a flash drive with pictures and videos from when you were children growing up together and all your adventures with him on the road. Of course it pained you to see the memories with Tom but you knew you had to share your best friend, even if you hated it, hated him.
He dropped you off around ten before he went back to his own flat. A kiss on the temple and he was gone, leaving you alone in your small apartment.
  You were almost asleep when you heard a knock on your door. You thought you were dreaming but another knock echoed through your hall so you stumbled out of your bed and to the door.
The last person you were expecting was Tom, but here he was, leaned against your door frame, the smell of alcohol radiating off of him.
“Tom? What the fuck? It’s midnight.” You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, hoping that maybe you were actually dreaming, unfortunately you weren’t. He pushed his way in to your apartment, shaving you aside as you tried to stop him.
“So, is this your sick way of getting back at me?” He asked, keeping himself steady against your wall. You looked at him confused which just made him angrier. “Don’t fucking act stupid, (Y/N). You’re fucking my best friend to get back at me. All because I told you what no one else had the guts to say. You’re a slut. A stupid fucking slut that can’t handle the fact that I’m not in love with you.”
“Tom you’re drunk.” You bit your tongue from saying anything more.
“Just admit you’re fucking Harrison.” You waved his arms, almost knocking into the picture frames you had on the wall.
“I’m not. We’re just friends.” You crossed your arms, watching him make a fool of himself.
“Liar. He told me how he felt about you, but he didn’t want to make things weird so he wasn’t going to do anything about it, but you’ve been all over him since we got back. Don’t act like you dressed up for him at the airport, that was all for me.” He was inching closer to you slowly but you tried your best to keep your distance.
“Don’t flatter yourself, Holland.”
“Just admit it, (Y/N).” You were backed up against your wall now, your heart rate picking up. You had known Tom for years, before he got famous, he would never lay a hand on a woman but he was drunker than you had ever seen him before.
“We’re just friends.” You said again, causing him to sigh loudly.
“Then what the fuck is this, huh?” He grabbed at your necklace, making you flinch. With a small tug the chain broke and he threw your charm across the room.
“Tom!” You screamed, tears filling your eyes.
“That’s what I fucking thought. You stay the fuck away from my best friend, you skank.” With a few proud strides he was out your door, closing it with a loud slam, leaving you speechless and a wreck. Tears were streaming down your face and your whole body was shaking. You searched the room for the small charm, sobbing loudly, finally able to take in a whole breath when you found it.
You held it tightly as you slid down your wall, hugging your knees when you hit the floor. You didn’t know how long you cried for but you were absolutely exhausted by the time you lifted your head out of your arms.
You walked to the bathroom, cleaning yourself up, hating the way you let a boy do this to you. You hated Tom Holland.
  You weren’t sure he would answer when you knocked on his door at two AM but when Harrison opened his flat door there was a fire burning inside of you, one that only he could control.
“(Y/N)?” His voice was low, you had obviously woken him, but you didn’t care. You walked forward, standing on your toes you slammed your lips against his, your hand on his neck pulling him in closely. At first he didn’t respond, making you second guess everything you had come here to do, but when his hands ran across the small of your back you knew that this was right.
You followed him in, never breaking contact with him. Your feet clumsily intertwining, making everything more difficult that it had to be, but his hands followed the walls, leading you both into his small bedroom.
You shoved him onto his king bed, finally breaking contact just long enough to pull off his shirt. You straddled his lap, pushing him down, biting at his neck leaving small dark marks along it. With every tug of skin he let out soft moans fueling the fire even more. His hands slid up your shirt, desperate to loose the unneeded fabric. You let him remove it while you worked at your bra. You could feel him grow harder under you as he admired your body silently.
“Fuck me, Harrison.” You whispered, looking down at his toned body needing it more than you needed to breathe.
He flipped you over, tearing your pants off, kissing down your chest, making sure to give extra attention to your sensitive breasts. His fingers rubbing carefully between your lips while you moaned, grabbing at his sheets. You heard him slip out of his sweats, the fire inside of you burning hotter making you wetter.
His lips crashed against yours as he lined up with your opening, your nails sunk into his back as he sunk into you earning moans from both of you. He started slow, tantalizingly slow, making you squirm under him. He smiled at your inpatients, leaning his forehead against yours. He picked up the speed, causing you to tighten around him. Small profanities fell from his mouth, his hot breath meeting your neck.
Your stomach was in knots, all of your senses were turned up to eleven, you were close, so close. You grabbed on to him, then his sheets, anything that would keep you grounded.
“Harrison.” You cried as you hit your climax causing him to release inside you pure ecstasy running through you both.
He rolled off you, his chest rising and falling quickly. You tried to cam your own breathing, staring at the ceiling, the fire that had once burning inside you so fiercely now completely extinguished.
You both were silent for the longest time, not knowing what to say. No less than six hours ago you were just friends, but you had a history of this, you always grew too attached.
“I have to go.” You whispered, sitting up and looking around the room for your clothes.
“Wait, what?” Harrison watched you, confused. “Why?”
“I’m sorry.” You slipped on your shirt and pants, unable to make eye contact, not bothering to slip on anything else before rushing into his living room and towards his door.
“Wait, (Y/N).” He grabbed your wrist before you were able to reach the knob, you were holding back tears now. “Don’t. I’m not like him, this wasn’t a one time thing for me. I love you.” You looked up at him with glossy eyes, not knowing how to respond.
“I’m sorry.” You forced out before leaving.
Why was your mind still racing to Tom?
Shout out to @holllandtrash for helping me work together what i would do for a part 2. and thank you @osnapitsabbie , @deangirlbutsamcurious2 , @aussiebeachbabes , @thomas-spiderling-spacegays , @amidblogger , @ minhoisafish , @maliasheda , @spideyroo , @once-upon-a-walking-wolf-demigod ,  shawnbrev ,  ticklemyhemmings , thecreativeangel and  pammy17 for the suggestions and amazing comments on part 1.
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isempiterna · 7 years
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REALLY LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY. RULES.  Repost, don’t  reblog! tag  10  ! good luck! TAGGED.  @starryeyecl  TAGGING. who of my followers haven’t been tagged yet, I tag u
GOTTA DO BOTH GIRLS CAUSE I LOVE OVERSHARING INFORMATION !!!!
the following information is for the verse YELLOW ROSE. information differs by a little or a lot depending on verse
FULL NAME: Lark Maureen Tempest ∬ Sparrow Grace Weave NICKNAME // ALIAS: HILARIOUS STORY TIME Lark used to introduce herself all the time as “Lark, but you can call me Temmy if you want” and nobody would call her Temmy sdhfdskfslhf  ∬  one of her friends calls her Spar sometimes AGE:  26 ∬ 20 BIRTHDAY:  November 26 (1991) ∬ February 20 (1997) ETHNIC GROUP: European mix (Irish-French, German-Polish-Danish) ∬ European mix ? (Irish-French, British-Indian) NATIONALITY: American LANGUAGE/S: English ∬ English, very limited Spanish SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual ∬ asexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic ∬ demiromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single CLASS: middle class / lower middle HOMETOWN/AREA: I just stick em places CURRENT HOME: ┐(ツ)┌ PROFESSION: café owner ∬ student
PHYSICAL.
HAIR: white-blonde, practically white ∬ black EYES: copper brown ∬ light blue FACE: heart ∬ peach LIPS: pouty, rather pink ∬ soft, dark cherries COMPLEXION: European, tans easily ∬ fair, smooth BLEMISHES: beauty marks! one at the inner corner of her eye (left), one at the bottom of her mouth (left), two on her cheek (right) ∬ none SCARS: a few here and there TATTOOS: none HEIGHT: 5′2″ ∬ 5′3″ WEIGHT: ~116 lbs ∬ ~106 lbs BUILD: hourglass, strong, compact ∬ pear, slender, toned FEATURES: major resting bitch face, can’t tell if eyes are bored or bedroom, STRONG ARMS ∬ delicate, almost a sense of ethereal beauty? bordering on creepy, hidden strength
ALLERGIES: none USUAL HAIR STYLE: casual ponytail, messy bun, whatever it’s called when you fold your hair up with a big hair clip?? ∬ down, easily hides her face when necessary, ponytail for running USUAL FACE LOOK: resting bitch, politely waiting for...something?, clear gaze ∬ thoughtful, mild to intense interest in whatever she’s looking at  USUAL CLOTHING: comfy, loose  ∬ simple, comfortable, subtly stylish
PSYCHOLOGY.
FEAR/S: losing Sparrow, losing her father ∬ losing her loved ones, what happened in elementary/middle/high school coming back to haunt her in college ASPIRATION/S: take care of her sister FOREVER ∬ get a degree that will help her help people (nursing? doctor? therapist? environmentalist? ??) POSITIVE TRAITS: honest, easy to talk to, very aware of her emotions, can let go of grudges ∬ good listener, friendly, supportive, forgiving, pacifist, Mom Friend NEGATIVE TRAITS: immediately dislikes you if you look at Sparrow funny, doesn’t always lose her temper but when she DOES, doesn’t know how to pull her punches, god her plastic smiles are the most annoying thing in the world, possibly too honest  ∬ doesn’t think of her own well-being in the least, can’t stand up for herself, highly manipulable, apologizes for everything, gives way too many chances (as in she never stops giving u another chance) ZODIAC: Sagittarius ∬ Pisces (Aquarius-Pisces cusp) TEMPERAMENT: sanguine  ∬ phlegmatic SOUL TYPE/S: warrior ∬ ghdvkhldlf couldn’t take the quiz again but I’d guess server (maybe she coulda been an artist if I hadn’t fucked w things ( ᐛ ) ) VICE HABIT/S: using force when frustrated, cheat day every day?  ∬ apathy towards herself, unnecessary guilt, keeping secrets VIRTUES/VICES: kindness & wrath ∬ patience (and also liKE ALL OF THEM AAAA) & ........maybe like sloth...about herself.....emotionally....... FAITH: Lark has faith in herself hghdksvh ∬ Sparrow has faith in the good of others GHOSTS?: maybe a little but probably not ∬ who knows, why not? AFTERLIFE?: nope ∬ maybe, who knows REINCARNATION?: god she wants to be Sparrow’s sister foREVER ∬ maybe, who knows? ALIENS?: why not ∬ w h o  kn o w s ? POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: democratic-leaning ∬ democratic-leaning or third party EDUCATION LEVEL: college graduate (4 years) ∬ currently in college
FAMILY.
FATHER: Lionel Tempest ∬ Chandler Weave MOTHER: Phoenix Burke SIBLINGS: Sparrow ∬ Lark  EXTENDED FAMILY: uugh I don’t wanna write all this out but Phoenix has a p big family and Lionel has a huge family and Chandler also has a pretty extensive family that he’s largely estranged from NAME MEANING/S: Lark as in the bird ∬ Sparrow as in the bird HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: BIRDS
FAVORITES.
BOOK: the poetry book Sparrow got her ∬ just one favorite?? MOVIE: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (lotta fond nostalgia) ∬ prolly watches a lot of foreign films? not really a fan of violence 5 SONGS: JUST 5 ??? HOLIDAY: 4th of July bc FIREWORKS  ∬ Christmas bc she can give gifts to ppl MONTH: July ∬ late September/early October SEASON: SUMMER ∬ fall and winter and actually spring and heck why not summer too PLACE: wherever her sister is ∬ home, her uncle’s library (visited once when she was very young, still dreams about it) WEATHER: SUMMER NIGHT ∬ mild autumn day, early winter morning SOUND: the crackle of fireworks and fizz of sparklers; ice cracking; distant traffic; Sparrow singing when no one can hear her; the thump of sand-filled canvas; bird wings ∬ snow falling; Lark idly playing the piano; footsteps on carpet; 3am thunder over the mountains; wind chimes and bells and glass tinkling and music boxes SCENT/S: summer air, heavy and humid; smoke (fireworks, campfire); hot spring waters; lilacs ∬ books and paper and binding glue; evergreen trees and juniper berries; the first breath of a cold day; healthy earth and roots and sun-warmed leaves; graphite and fresh ink TASTE/S: orange soda, carbonates; smooth coffee; light, crunchy snacks ∬ fresh fruits and vegetables; colloidal silver; water after a long run; raspberry chocolate FEEL/S: warmth, solid or soft or just the air pressing around; post-workout, heavy muscles but light on the inside, sweet oxygen and satisfaction; cool piano keys and worn foot pedals ∬ sunlight on window seats; scritta paper; winter’s chill; downy blankets and a warm mug; runner’s high ANIMAL/S: KOALAS ∬ so many?? NUMBER: uh ∬ prolly like 3 or smth COLORS: yellow ∬ soft blue and peach
EXTRA.
TALENTS: piano, kick boxing, Worst puns, keeping a straight face ∬ violin, bullet journaling, painting/ink drawing, cooking, running, creative and harmless pranks BAD AT: being patient, cooking, not starting fights with people who are mean to her sister ∬ speaking up for herself, cutting toxic people out of her life, arguing, jokes and sarcasm TURN-ONS: strong people, cute girls, people with secrets, soulful singers ∬ she’s so confused TURN OFFS: too many secrets, dismissive of Sparrow, BAD teeth, narcissism ∬ are u making her uncomfortable?  HOBBIES: kick boxing, piano, talking about her sister ∬ reading, journaling, painting/drawing, running, violin TROPES:  Action Girl, Plucky Girl, Beauty Mark(s), Cool Big Sis, Daddy’s Girl, DEADPAN SNARKER ∬ Sibling Yin-Yang ∬ Actual Pacifist, Shrinking Violet, The Heart, Friendless Background, Feminine Women Can Cook, Nature Lover AESTHETIC TAGS: coffee n shit, fireworks, summery things, bikes maybe?, that’s yellow, this looks like Sparrow ∬ books, journals, art stuff, blue, snow maybe, skies I guess, pretty things GPOY QUOTES: “When the guys call you bro” ∬ “When you think something’s nice but nobody else does” 
FC INFO.
MAIN FC/S:  ┐(ツ)┌ ALT FC/S:  ┐(ツ)┌ ┐(ツ)┌ OLDER FC/S:  ┐(ツ)┌ YOUNGER FC/S: ┐(ツ)┌ VOICE CLAIM/S: me, actually, when I channel Lark (?? it’s weird) ∬ Liv Tyler GENDERBENT  FC/S: u think i got time for that
MUN QUESTIONS.
Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?          
A1: hfskdghsdf I’d prolly end up calling it smth rly edgy and dumb like “Forbidden” or “The Blue Rose Girl” which doesn’t even sound edgy it just sounds dumb. black and white might be cool, or sort of a faded color? maybe it would go from black and white to color. it would be about the blue rose verse and the consequences they face bc of Lark’s actions and maybe Sparrow was better off staying dead? the folly of the heart type thing I’m tired can u tell
Q2: what would their soundtrack/score sound like?          
A2: pls don’t do this to me rn I’M WORKING ON IT
Q3: why did you start writing this character?        
A3: it all started w Sparrow. actually it all started with BJDs. I did a faceup and was like “cool who’s this” and thought Sparrow Weave was a cool name and literally started rping her with just a name and a face long story between that n this, but I decided Sparrow needed a sister bc of long story, and a lark was a bird and tempest was sort of the opposite of weave? why did they have to be opposite? Lark totally changed as a character tho originally she was super happy-go-lucky and bouncy and cheerful all the time but then I started to rp her and she was like “MOVE bitch get out the way”
Q4: what first attracted you to this character?          
A4: ?? her name was Sparrow and she looked nice with dead flowers and I threw her into the fray. she grew to be beautiful and extremely damaged. Lark tho, I really liked how she kicked my ass and did her own thing
Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.          
A5: just cause I know all their flaws doesn’t mean I dont love them for it
Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?          
A6: Sparrow and I are super squishy and people-pleasers and like books and art, and Lark and I get waaaaay over protective of people and have similar taste in puns, although I’m never confident enough to say any of mine
Q7: how does your muse feel about you?          
A7: Sparrow would like me, I’d remind Lark of Sparrow until she found out I’m the cause of her suffering?? then I would cease to exist down to the last atom
Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?        
A8: this is going to sound horrible but I have this weird fascination with Sparrow in unhealthy relationships. she’s extremely manipulable but she’s also aware of that? so she might be onto you the whole time but why is she going along with it why does she have so much faith in you what are you going to do. LARK AND HER ENEMIES HALSKFHDKFSH
Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?        
A9: Lark writes herself, Sparrow’s more shy but I know her. if I see or think of anything that reminds me of her I remember everything she’s ever done and I fall in love again. I never lose muse just the ability/focus to make the words go
Q10: how long did this take you to complete?          
A10: fuck ass long I stayed up way too lat workin on it, went back and edited/added more information to parts so it made more sense today, STILL WORKING ON THEIR PLAYLISTS but yeah this was fun!
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