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imtherain · 1 year

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The Difference Between There and Here

Heyo

So it’s been a holiday, right? For me it’s Christmas which means going home to the frozen wastelands my parents live in. But it’s pretty. And as one does, I got lonely being home, and I’ve been super in love with Simon “Ghost” Riley, so this happened. It is extremely self indulgent and technically not finished. But I wanted to post it anyway, so I chopped it up, glued it back together, and made this little thing out of it.

Maybe one day I’ll finish it in the way I originally planned, but for now, this is how it is.

Warnings: Christmas talk, travel, forbidden relationship, snow, family, no pancakes, threat of bad tea. Some vague allusions to naughty things. idk it’s pretty tame.

Anywho

~~~

“You got any plans for Christmas, hen?” Soap asked. I was laying on the couch in the rec room, feet over one armrest, face to the army grade ceiling. It wasn’t often we got leave around a holiday, but the stars had aligned, and we’d been cleared to go our separate ways, go home, go anywhere we wanted.

“I’m going to go home, I think. Haven’t been back in what? Three years?” I was staring at the places where the tiles of the ceiling connected. My parents didn’t understand where I was or what I did for a job. They just knew I worked in England for the government. They didn’t even know which government employed me. Even so, I was kind enough to not explain how closely I walked with death so they didn’t worry about me anymore than necessary.

“I bet they’ll be happy to see you,” Soap smiled. “I’m going to see me mam too,”

“I’ll bring you treats from my mom if you promise to bring me back some from yours,” I grinned back.

“Deal,” He said.

“What’s got you all smilie,” Ghost entered the rec room from behind the couch, so I couldn’t see the tall man until he put his hands on the back of the couch above me.

“Just talking about Christmas,” Soap said. “Say, you got any plans LT?”

“No,” Was all he said as a reply. I looked up at him and while he glanced down at me briefly, he kept his eyes on Soap.

“Wanna come home with me?” Soap asked, batting his eyes like a teenage girl. I could almost hear Ghost’s eyes roll.

“Negative,” Ghost said.

“Oh come on, my mam would love to have another mouth to feed, I was gonna ask y/n, but she’s heading home to her own family,” Soap said it as if it was such a crime for me to go to my own family.

“I’m sorry to abandon you so heartlessly,” I was grinning though. Soap sighed dramatically.

“Well, I’m going to go pack up my shit, I’m leaving in a few hours,” Soap stood and stretched, his shirt riding up since he hadn’t had it tucked in properly.

“Merry Christmas!” I called after him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you,” Soap made a cheesy phone gesture as he waved at us. He was gone just like that.

“You really not doing anything, Ghost?” I asked, laying my head back to look at him. His eyes were tracing my face in that way that made my cheeks get hot.

“Affirmative,” He said, just staring at me. I frowned slightly.

“There anywhere you’d like to go?” I asked.

“Not really,” He leaned down on the back of the couch and reached out to poke me in the cheek. “I’ll just be here, do some paperwork, read,”

“You want some company for that?” I teased him. He moved to run the last knuckle of his finger along my cheek. Without realizing it I leaned into the touch.

“No, you’ve got your own plans,” His eyes were trained on the spot his finger held against my cheek. I hummed at him.

“I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas,” I told him.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, likely won’t be the last,” He drew his hand back, but his eyes remained on my face.

“You could come home with me,” I told him. “It’s nothing fancy, just my parents and me. No big crazy parties or giant family gatherings. Just the three of us and some shitty movies and way too much food.”

“That sounds nice,” Ghost said. “But no,”

“Why not?”

“Don’t want to scare your mother,” He deflected.

“Oh please,” I rolled my eyes at him. Ghost was smiling behind his fabric mask, just barely. I could tell by the way his eyes softened.

“I’ll be fine here,” Ghost said again.

“I’ll be better if you came with me,” I told him. This made him look away. We hadn’t talked about feelings yet. But there was always something there in the air between us. Nevermind the nights we found ourselves with nothing between us at all.

“You best be careful how you say that,” I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Might give me the wrong idea,”

“You offering to come keep my bed warm tonight then?” I asked with a smirk of my own.

“Officially, I have to say no,”

“Hasn’t stopped you before,” I reminded him with a cheeky grin. He hummed slightly. “But really, I’m leaving in the morning, 0800, if you change your mind.” I stood up and stretched like Soap had. His eyes followed the movement, a hungry glint visible above his mask.

I winked at him before heading towards my bunk, hoping he’d follow me, but knowing he likely would not.

I spent most of the night packing my gear and digging out my civilian stuff. I had a separate phone, keys to my car back home, some various other keys, exactly two sets of clothes I could never wear on base, and my stash of cash that I kept for just this sort of situation.

I went to bed, duffle packed up and waiting by the door. I settled into the bunk and sort of wished Simon had followed me to bed, if only just to say goodbye.

I woke up at the same time as always, a habit from living with the 141 for so long now. I finished my morning routine easily enough, but imagine my surprise when I returned to my room to find a tall shadow waiting for me at my door, his duffle bag over his shoulder.

“Good morning,” I said, eyebrow raised. He watched me open my door.

“Plane leaves soon,” Ghost said from the doorway.

“It does,” I agreed. I picked up my own bag and came back out into the hall. “You joining me LT?”

“Figured you needed someone to keep an eye on you,” He shrugged. I scoffed at him.

“Sure,” But I shut my door and started heading for the hanger, Ghost following me like a shadow.

It was a long journey home.

Across an ocean to the East Coast of the US. Another flight to the Twin Cities and a puddle jumper that Ghost barely fit in to get to the center of Wisconsin. The state I grew up in. The state I had lived in for most of my life.

I called my mom after we’d picked up my banana yellow pickup truck.

“Hey mom,” I smiled as my call was answered. “Guess who’s in town?”

“Baby!” My mom’s voice came over the radio. “Are you really?”

“Yup, and we’re about 2 hours away.”

“‘We’re’?” She asked.

“Yeah, I’m bringing someone home for Christmas,” I said. I could feel Ghost staring at me from the passenger seat, but I chose to ignore him, keeping my eyes on the road.

“Ooooh?” My mom was excited and reverted to a twelve year old girl. “Who is it? Is it a boyyy?”

“He is a boy I’m pretty sure,” I teased. “And you’re on the speakers, so be careful what you say,”

“Is this that guy you were telling me about? The one with the big hands?”

“MOM I SAID YOU WERE ON SPEAKER,” I felt my face flame as Ghost suppressed a laugh.

“Sorry, sorry,” She laughed back. I rolled my eyes because I knew she did it on purpose. “Do we need to get anything for you both? I can send your dad to town,”

“Oh no, we’re good. And we mostly need showers and sleep because we’ve been going since 5am England time,” I told her.

“I still need that cup of tea,” Ghost said.

“And we need a cup of tea,” I repeated even though I knew my mom could hear him.

“You sound lovely,” My mom cooed. “We look forward to meeting you,”

“Likewise,” He replied.

“Well, we’ll be there soon, just wanted to give you a heads up. Oh and don’t worry about getting the room ready or anything, I can do it when we get home.”

“Ok, well, drive safe! We’re so excited to see you baby!”

“Love you,” I said.

“Love you too,” She replied before I hung up.

“Sorry, she’s very excitable,” I laughed, hoping he didn’t make a big deal out of her comment.

“Big hands, huh?” Of course not.

“They match your big head,” I stuck my tongue out at him and he chuckled, crossing his arms and settling back into the seat. “Are you seriously going to sleep more? You’re going to be up all night,”

“We sharing a bed?” I was surprised by this question.

“Um, probably, there’s just the one bed in the guest room. It’s a king sized bed if that helps, or I can sleep on the couch,” I told him, unsure if he wanted to sleep together or not.

“If you’re in bed with me, I’ll sleep just fine,” He said and yet again, my ears grew hot. Somehow it was worse now that we were off base. There was less pretense maybe, but either way, his effect on me hadn’t gotten any weaker.

“You’re a romantic, Ghost,” I shot back.

“You going to introduce me to your mom as ‘Ghost’?” He asked.

“I do call you that most often,” I said. “Though they are likely going to ask you a ton of questions anyway, maybe calling you Simon would be easier,”

“That’ll do,” He agreed, settling again.

“Simon?” I asked, tasting his name as though it were new to me. He made a hmm sound in acknowledgement. “Thank you for coming with me,”

He turned his face to me then and his eyes, while tired, were solid and sure as they traced my profile. I glanced at him and gave him a small smile. He nodded once and shifted so that his arm rested on the center console with mine. It made me brave enough to slide my fingers into his. I half expected him to pull away, but instead, he just brushed his thumb along my palm a few times before he drifted off into that light sleep he always seemed to have waiting for him behind his eyelids.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. Just a quiet ride, the hum of my tires, Simon’s soft breathing. If I didn’t have to drive, it would have been easy to just fade into the moment and disappear.

As we got closer to home, the snow got deeper, the speed limit got slower, and the trees got taller. Like driving straight into the past.

Simon finally stirred when we drove through town.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” I squeezed his hand. He looked at me for a moment as if he’d forgotten where we were. “Need anything, love?” I asked carefully. I wondered if he’d had a bad dream, or one of the ones you couldn’t quite remember, but held onto you after you woke.

“No,” He sat up and took his hand from me. I was just happy to have had it for as long as I’d been able to. It was nice that for once, no one was watching us.

“We’re actually almost there, like 15 more minutes, I promise,” I said.

“Good,” He looked out the window, taking in the small town. There was a gas station, a bar, a restaurant. An old motel eight that had been converted into something forest themed. The high school.

“That’s where I went to school,” I told him. “I did prom, the whole thing, wore a purple dress.” I smiled at the memory. “And never in a million years did I think I’d end up doing what we do.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Do you?” I looked at him for a moment while we waited for the light to change.

“I didn’t have much else to do,” He said.

“I worked a lot of shitty jobs,” I said. “Did a lot of stuff that anyone could do. But then I ended up in the right place at the right time, and suddenly I didn’t need to wear dresses anymore,”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress,” Simon mused.

“Would you want to?” He shrugged. The light turned and we headed away from town, out into the growing darkness of the woods.

“I bet you’re pretty in a dress,” He said as if he had had to think about it for a moment.

“As if I’m not pretty otherwise,” I snorted.

“Last time I compliment you,” He shot back.

“I was teasing you,” I told him. “You know, like couples do,” the term felt weird in my mouth, but good.

“What else do couples do?”

“Oh you know, hold hands, kiss each other, cuddle? I don’t know, haven’t dated anyone… probably ever now that I think about it.” I told him. “Haven’t you dated someone before?”

“No,” He said.

“Come on really? Never? I bet you were really popular with the ladies when you were in school,”

“Not particularly,” He said.

“Then how the fuck did you get so adept with your mouth?” I asked before I could think about it. He actually chuckled at that.

“You might be surprised to know, you can have sex with someone without dating them,” He explained. “Besides, you were easy to figure out,”

“I should be offended,” I shook my head. “Speaking of sex, probably don’t be too crude around my parents, they still think I’m fifteen,”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Simon said.

“Please just behave,” I said.

“No promises,” I could hear the grin in his voice.

The lights of town were long gone, and the sun had faded beyond the trees. The clock said it was only 5pm, but this far north, that was almost full dark already. I turned down the next road that cut through the forest and then there it was. The house I grew up in.

The front porch was all lit up with big hanging bulbs, which were covered in the most recent snowfall. The pine trees that towered over the house were blanketed in white as well, the yard almost waist deep in snow. I parked my truck in the driveway and just stared for a long moment. I could see the lights on inside the house and the hint of movement.

“You good, Angel?” The callsign made me look at him.

“Just, it’s been a long time,” I told him. He shuffled a bit and pulled off his balaclava. My eyes grew wide. “Why hello handsome,” He ran his fingers through his blond hair, trying to bring back the waves that his mask had crushed.

“Figured there would be less questions,” He said.

I smiled at him and reached out to touch his face. There were less scars there than most people thought. The rumors usually say he wore the mask to hide deformity. But really, he was quite handsome, fair skin, strong nose, strong jaw. And those lovely eyes I always loved to see. One eyebrow was split with an old scar, and it was clear his nose had been broken more than once. I always told him he was perfect, even though I knew he very rarely believed me.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I told him. Simon leaned into my hand and kissed my palm.

“I’ll do it for you,” He said and I swear my heart stopped. I ran my fingers over his hair to adjust a few more of his waves before giving a big sigh.

“Well, we can’t sit out here all night,” I said as if that decided it. I turned off the truck and hopped out before my anxiety decided it would be better to pull out and drive all the way back to England.

Simon was behind me when I opened the door.

My parents’ dogs both started barking, not knowing who I was right away. I smiled seeing them. One was a big lab, Zeva, and one a small mix of fluffy breeds I couldn’t remember, who sometimes answered to Taya.

“Ok, ok! It’s just me,” I told them, and they both were happy to sniff me and ask for pets. I was able to rub Zeva’s head once before they were shooed by my mom. I felt my throat pinch seeing her. She looked the same as I remembered her, maybe a little older, hair a little grayer. I hugged her without even putting my bag down.

“It’s so good to have you home,” She said into my shoulder. I was taller than her normally, but with my boots on, more so. When she finally let me go she caught sight of Simon, who was still standing in the doorway, back straight.

“Oh, yeah, this is Simon,” I said, stepping farther into the house, dropping my bag. Trying not to make a big deal out of the fact I’d brought a man home, nevermind all the other things I was hiding from her about what I did for a living. About how closely I walked with death.

I swallowed all the things that rose in my throat to choke me. I had faced worse things than my mother.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Simon,” My mother smiled at him.

“You too, ma’am,” He extended his hand and she took it in both of hers.

“Ma’am? No need to be so formal,” She laughed again, just happy to have us. He nodded and I watched him with a small smile. I hadn’t really thought too much on how this might feel for him. I knew his family hadn’t been good and that he had nothing even close to it anymore. That was part of why I asked him to come with me.

My dad appeared from the living room. In his prime, he’d been six foot two, so Simon wasn’t quite so big compared to him. I hugged him and introductions were made.

“Well, come sit,” My mom said, ushering us into the living room. As soon as we sat down, Taya, the smaller of the two dogs, decided it was time to run around the living room, including across and over Simon since he was in the normal spot she ran to get to the back of the couch. He cursed under his breath as she did it but I just laughed at him.

“Sorry, she’s a ball of energy,” I told him. I was sure my parents couldn’t tell the difference in his face, as it was outwardly stoic. But I could tell he didn’t mind.

“It’s fine,” He said. “Just never seen a dog so small,”

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

“That one looks more my speed,” He nodded to Zeva who was laying happily on the rug, just vibing.

“That’s Zeva and she’s a princess,” I told him, quite seriously.

“Takes after you then,” He teased and I elbowed him. Zeva, having heard her name (and title) came over and set her head in my lap, asking for pets. I gave her lots.

“How was the flight?” My mom asked.

“Long, we were in the air for almost 12 hours,” I groaned. “But we’re here now, and I can already hear the bed calling my name,” I yawned as though my body needed to agree.

“No! You just got here,” My mom complained.

“I’m not going to bed just yet, don’t worry.” I told her. “And I’m pretty sure I owe someone a decent cup of tea,” I patted Simon’s thigh and he narrowed his eyes at me, just slightly.

“I can make it,” My mom said, about to stand, but I was quicker.

“No, no, he’s picky,” I said, heading into the kitchen. But a devious thought entered my mind.

“So, Simon, tell us about yourself,” My dad said. I could see the couch where Simon sat from the kitchen, but my parents couldn’t see me. I got the kettle out and filled it, setting it onto the stove top. I dug through the tea chest that had been in the same spot in the kitchen since I was about eight.

I could hear Simon try to answer my parents' questions as vaguely as he could. It was strange to me hearing him talk about himself. Normally, he just ignored questions, but he was trapped by a mix of social obligation and the fact he had literally nowhere to run. It was a whole side of him I hadn’t had the pleasure of knowing until now.

When I thought he’d suffered enough, I hit some buttons on the microwave, knowing that Simon would kill me if I microwaved his tea.

“Bloody hell,” He muttered standing. “Angel, you better not be microwaving my tea,” He warned, coming for me in the kitchen.

“Told you he was picky,” I said loud enough for my parents to laugh. He stopped next to me when he realized I hadn’t actually microwaved anything. “Like I would fuck up your tea,” I whispered. He narrowed his eyes at me.

“You’ll pay for that,” He said softly. I bumped my shoulder into him.

“What kind of tea?” I asked, pointing him to the tea chest. He picked one while the kettle began to whistle. “Anyone else want some?” I called into the living room. My dad said no, no surprise. My mom said sure. So I went to the cupboard and grabbed mugs, Simon put the tea bags in and poured the water in. I grabbed the milk and added it to his. I added honey to mine and my moms and Simon just rolled his eyes at me, because that ‘wasn’t how you made tea’.

Simon relaxed with tea in hand.

Though it might have been the fact that I could field most questions now that I was sitting between him and my parents. Eventually, 9 pm rolled around and my parents headed off to bed. Goodnights, I love yous, we’re happy you’re homes.

“How are you doing, love?” I asked Simon as the house stilled for the night. His eyes were tired, but his face was soft. He put his hand on my thigh.

“Tired,” He said.

“Does that mean you won’t stay up and watch Family Fued with me?” I smiled when Simon rolled his eyes at me.

“You won’t make it ten more minutes,” He said.

“Since I didn’t get to nap all the way here, I suppose you’re right,” I scooted closer to him so that I could swing my legs across his lap. “And we both need a shower,”

“Could always save water and shower together,” His mouth twitched towards a smirk.

“That sounds lovely, but we won’t both fit in the shower here,” I took his hand in mine and traced his knuckles with my finger. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Go on,” He said.

“I’m looking forward to sleeping with you without having to worry about getting caught,” I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed his knuckles.

“Hmm,” He smiled at me, a sight I so rarely got to see unobstructed.

“And I won’t lie, I’m enjoying seeing your face,” I admitted, scooting just a little bit closer, hoping he’d let me get close enough.

“Don’t get used to it, Angel,” He almost purred.

“Why do you get to use my callsign and I don’t get to use yours?” I mused, fingers tracing along his jaw. I followed one light scar from near his ear down the side of his neck. He tipped his head for my fingers to trace back along his throat.

“Habit,” He admitted. “You should go get cleaned up,”

“You saying I smell bad, LT?” I almost whispered it.

“Say my name,”

“Simon,” I murmured. He smirked at that.

“Say it again,”

“Simon,” I repeated, smirking back. My fingers moved to grab a handful of his shirt.

“Again,”

“Simon,” I pulled him close enough that his name was a prayer against his lips.

“Again,” His breath mixed with mine.

“Simon,” And I tugged him that last bit closer to cover his mouth with mine.

~~~

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