I am obsessed with this

I was talking with someone the other day and it got me thinking about something.

I generally run with the idea that part of the reason why Luo Binghe became THE target for Shen Qingqiu's abuse was because Shen Qingqiu fell for the 'white sheep' routine. Like, it was a lot of things all together: coming to the sect at an unfortunate time (Shen Qingqiu was in a mental health freefall because he was at a bottleneck and struggling to form his core, and here comes Luo Binghe with his perfect aptitude who's expected to blitz through all of the hurdles Shen Qingqiu sweated blood to scale), the pettiness he felt towards Liu Qingge when he picked Luo Binghe out (another bitter association), Luo Binghe having Ning Yingying right away as a friend and support (who stuck with him even against her shizun's orders!!) when Shen Qingqiu was all alone, the jealousy that however briefly Luo Binghe had a loving mother

and the crown jewel on this cake was that Luo Binghe, despite having suffered the death of a loved one and poverty on the streets, still seemed like a naive little ray of sunshine. And no matter what Shen Qingqiu does to him, he remains pathetic and vulnerable in the way that makes kinder people want to take care of him and protect him.

Shen Qingqiu is not a kind man and he knows intimately that the world isn't kind either. Not to pathetic children who don't grow up with the power of a rich family to put them somewhere safe where they can become pathetic, maybe well-meaning maybe not adults. To him it's the harbinger of failure.

The Luo Binghe he sees after picking him up is not smart, not crafty in the way he expects a street kid to be. He's not driven (wanting to make his late mother proud... motivation like that ought to fade with the memories. In four or five years Luo Binghe won't even recall the face or voice of his beloved mother and then Shen Qingqiu will be left with a child with no drive whatsoever). All Luo Binghe has going for him is his bright eyed optimism and his servile nature (which cannot, should not last in a cultivator) and his exceptional aptitude, which is useless on its own.

I struggle to believe that Luo Binghe was the first on the peak who was naturally talented (Shen Qingqiu's ruined cultivation base put him so far behind that even with his hard work, he lagged behind Shang Qinghua whose cultivation is mediocre at best). Or the first to have a support network of friends or a loving family. And as much as Shen Qingqiu resented them for having these gifts that he didn’t, he never tried to destroy them the way he tried to destroy Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe has all the tools of greatness and the hallmarks of failure all in one and it's that combination that triggers Shen Qingqiu's hate. Shen Qingqiu, in his rush to spite Liu Qingge, picked up trash that glitters. He can never admit to this mistake, so he decides that he's going to drive off Luo Binghe or destroy him, whichever happens first, because he can't imagine being stuck with this, this... pathetic little beast. One way or another, he will get rid of him before he can become a stain on Shen Qingqiu's reputation.

And we know how all of that turned out...

But what if he did see through it. Luo Binghe slipped up in his introduction and Shen Qingqiu immediately saw him for the white lotus that he was.

Shen Qingqiu knows the world, he knows its monsters and its beasts. So he looks at this child (not as weak and battered from his life on the street as others, the promise of strength and a bright future written in his meridians) pretending to be small and weak and pathetic and he's terrified.

Only the most dangerous predators pretend to be prey. He took a cuckoo into his nest, he accepted a wolf into his flock. Now it's his job to deal with it, before it grows fangs and bites the hand that feeds it.

He doesn't trust his martial siblings to listen to him on this, to hear him (unpleasant and sharp and biting, hated and hateful) out over the little beast (teary eyed and pathetic, pretty little thing you want to take home and keep safe).

He always did hide his fear the best with hate.

He will wear down this intruder until he can find out what his goal is and destroy him, before the beast can destroy them first.

It's almost a relief, when Luo Binghe stands on the edge of the abyss, his sheepskin torn and staring at him with the resentful eyes of a demon. It's the one moment when he doesn't hate Luo Binghe; he is a demon who will act as a demon does, as is his nature.

Pushing him into oblivion is

relief.

I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

Norse Mythology - The tale of Tyr and Fenrir

oh you hate tgs book inaccurate adaptations? do you want an award? should we throw a party? should we invite robert louis stevenson?

i could KILL him for this. motherfucker's every interaction with children has him being, if not nice, then at minimum kind and forgiving and genuinely invested in their wellbeing.

he asks crying kids what's the matter, he's afraid to hold a baby because he's worried he'll drop it, he goes after people who are mean to kids without a second thought. his whole mentorship with timothy hunter is him trying to do right by that kid no matter how he feels about it at the time. man would be the most loving dad in the world but because of his own awful goddamn father and the ways he thinks he takes after thomas, he doesn't think that's true. i hate.

On the note of the last post. I'm just constantly turning over the idea that Dooku KNEW what was in his future.

I think it's very intrinsic to both his and a lot of the Sith's descent that they think they can outsmart Sith ideology. I imagine Dooku thought he could get by learning and not falling into it himself. He was fed up with the Jedi, yes, but that didn't mean he immediately flipped sides. He still respected them and was respected in turn.

But that's not the way the Sith work. It's not possible to just dip a toe in. The Sith know how to get to you, to get into your head, and to draw you in before you even notice it, and by that point you don't even want out.

And I think it adds another layer if Dooku knew. If he was told by Sifo-Dyas for decades to be careful, that he was destined to fall, that he would lose, and yet. He still does.

ever since I was a little girl I knew I would be ostracized from my peers and, by accident and without knowing why, cultivate a life for myself in which I don't know how to interact with other people in any capacity without being supremely uncomfortable and self-conscious.

casca highbottom despising himself for what he did, but also resenting a child because of what his father did, projecting crassus’ most terrible traits onto someone who, at that time, could only really have bore a superficial similarity to him. taking his frustrations out on the only other person left to hate, making snow’s life more difficult in an attempt at curbing his worst impulses, and doing it in the only way the capitol knows how to — by punishing, by withholding, indirectly setting him on a path of bottomless greed and ambition. love that!

YESSS TMA INDOCTRINATION

FINALLY !!!! After years of the tma fan accusations ! they’re actually correct !

Oh nothing just thinking about the angst potential of a Matsulight soulmate AU where the last words your soulmate says to you are emblazoned on your skin, and the fact that Matsuda would be branded with "I know you understand, so shoot them!", labelling him as a killer from birth, while Light's would read a damning "I'll kill you!" leading him to fear anyone that could even remotely cause his death, both of them completely resigned to their soulmate hating them and abandoning the thought before they've ever even met

Elizabeth Bishop, "The Burglar of Babylon” / Wilbur Soot, “Melatonin 130” / Jerzy Kosiński, “The Devil Tree”

Kill me kill me please please please I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

forgot about the door u shouldn't open in the burning mansion, but it has been fun to learn uhm. how far my boy can fly.

Lowkey getting annoyed that I get distracted/distract myself from getting artwork done. I have the 2nd adhd interview tomorrow morning so here's to hoping I can get this shit sorted sooner rather than later. I wonder how much life-changing shit I'd be able to actually get done, huh huh.

Anti-depressants helped take a huge chunk of the edge off wrt my depression. I wonder if this will be the same...so that I can honestly get my life going in the way that I want.

Always entertaining to wake up from a dream (nightmare?) and have your first conscious/coherent thought be "so this must be why I never dated a blonde."