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#see i used to be so sad that i didnt have friends but im not rlly anymore / srs
it could happen to you // lorenzo berkshire x fem reader
playlist : it could happen to you - laufey
summary : youve had a crush on lorenzo berkshire for years , always pining until one day he asks you to the yule ball.
ravenclaw reader , y/n used
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"cho its getting dangerously close to the ball and i still dont have a date!" you whined.
"its two weeks until the ball , you have more than enough time! i know atleast 5 guys that would drop dead to go with you," cho replied with sympathy.
"oh yeah like who? funny they havent asked me yet if theyre so desperate!" you complained with sadness.
"lorenzo berkshire," cho said blanky , staring at something behind you.
you scoffed loudly , "in my dreams maybe!".
"no...no , lorenzo berkshire is coming towards us with flowers."
you jumped up at this , staring at her with pure shock not wanting to turn around ,"cho! cho please dont joke around about that!"
"im- im not!" she exclaimed finally turning back to you , "he is literally coming over to us-"
"y/n," you heard a deep but soft voice say right behind you making you freeze all movement.
you turned around slowly , seeing lorenzo stood there with some red tulips in his clenched fist , his other hand playing with his robe nervously , "l-...hi lorenzo"
"its enzo!" he said quickly before physically cringing at his own words , "i mean call me anything you want!".
"ah o-okay sorry," you said with a bright red blush.
he stared at you silently for a second before realising the tulips in his hands were not yet in yours , "oh these are for...you!"
your whole face lit up as you grabbed the tulips from him, hands brushing delicatley , making his fist clench by his side.
"thank you so much enzo, theyre beautiful!" you admired the flowers you held , forgetting your past nerves of the boy you like being in front of you.
he smiled at this , blushing obviously , "i was wondering if um.."
you nodded your head, waiting for him to continue.
"if you-" he began again only to be cut off.
"pretty flowers y/n , oh hey berkshire!" fred weasley , your other best friend , said happily from where he now sat next to you on the bench.
"hi..." lorenzos hopes quickly deflated as fred wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
"fred i was talking to enzo," you said softly , trying not to be rude.
"yeah sorry about that , also enzo? never heard you let anyone call you that before berkshire! anyways , i was just wondering, do you have a date to the ball yet? i dont and-"
"she does!" lorenzo quickly cut him off as you looked at him in suprise.
fred mirrored your expression , before laughing and smirking at lorenzo, "and who might that be?"
"me." lorenzo scoffed , his anger rising more and more by the second.
meanwhile you exchanged a shocked look with cho and gaped up at enzo , who was only staring down at fred.
"good for you man , nevermind then!" fred said with a smile before he got up, waving to you as he walked away, "see ya y/n!".
once fred left both you and lorenzo shifted into an uncomfortable silence before he brushed his hand through his hair in frustration , "merlin im so sorry i shouldnt have done that i just didnt want him to ask you-"
"lorenzo , i dont care." you said as he visibly calmed , "as long as we are actually going together i dont care at all."
he grinned back at you , "yeah thats what i intended to ask you before...he came over."
you laughed at his frustration towards fred , "i wouldve rather not gone at all than have to go with anyone that isnt you."
he bit back his smile and looked down at his hands before shifting back into eye contact , "do you want to go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?"
"id love to," you grinned at him before standing up and giving him a kiss on the cheek , "just know you cant get rid of me now!"
he mirrored your wide smile with a blush on his cheeks and an arm around your waist , "why would i ever want to get rid of you?"
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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reggiestein · 1 year
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i always get nervous posting my art bc i feel like i draw him Different than how other ppl do but i guess that is a good thing kinda. peace and love. god bless🙏
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gibbearish · 5 days
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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
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swordfaery · 1 month
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anyway my favourite thing about dead men fanfiction is the wildly different characters we all write. like. not even the ones who have been dead for years and have so little actual characterisation but even the ones who were alive in canon were probably very different one hundred, two hundred, three hundred years ago. also theyre under characterised in fiction. also we are all just having fun
#guy who barely posts about skulduggery pleasant: so ive be rereading some of my old favourite dead men fanfiction#as well as my own dead men fanfiction#and damn if we arent all writing a bunch of different fucking guys. to be fair i have gone rogue bcos like. cant be fucked w canon#dont wanna write about war#heyo what if it was pre war and everyone was still. convinced their wouldnt be one#also i love the idea of skulduggery being. just super fucking irresponsible devil may care live laugh love sorta guy pre-war#spoilt. rich parents who dont care much about him. loads of magic tutors.#i mean think about the class implications of the dead men#skulduggery. an elemental. a difficult discipline that clearly requires a level of training and scholarli-ness#his NAME is skulduggery#you come across that name if your educated. if you read a lot#this is a man who has been afforded every privilege#and like. i think a lot of sorcerers are implied to be very upper class#or like. kinda rich and fancy about it#but obviously that wouldnt be the case for everyone bcos magic isnt just genetic right like some ppl just show up with it#and like even then#dexter vex#anton shudder#like as far as im aware these are just names ppl have#and slightly uncommonly used words#disciplines which are more emotional/physical#as opposed to 'learned'#i just think its interesting#i was gonna have my dead men all meet n be friends pre war#but tbh i think them meeting and not being friends is better#i think theres a sort of tragedy in them being as close as they were because of the war#and not having that post war or pre war#its actually really fucking sad but like. evidently they didnt hang out in the interim when most of em were still alive#or at least that much#im wondering if like. they needed a couple hundred years of like. detox bcos seeing each other just pulled them back into that mindset
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k0kichiimagines · 1 year
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i hate writing cvs and teachers r useless at help i love them and i appreciate it but "i have no skills to put on my cv what should i put" - "aww no everyone has skills just think of something"
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munamania · 6 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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thinkingstoned · 6 months
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peace and love on planet earth
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wickershells · 6 months
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#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some#watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold#and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month#but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode#whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to#her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with#the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops#loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar#and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really#for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year#i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an#equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything#she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt#share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think#she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful#with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly#excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new#friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen#or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually#undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do#even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost#added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what#to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol#what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish#anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive#sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts#and i am drowning in them#vent
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selkiecoded · 7 months
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a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.
#the clock chimes at midnight#selk.art#okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a#post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol#ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren#immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions.#everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate#ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it#on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know.#(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return)#they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends)#overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones.#anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair!#after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc#ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together#sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn..#nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone#she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol#this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba.#and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like#pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet.#that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years.#like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out!#after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close.#they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a#real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept#and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.
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i would LOVE to stop having dreams forever actually
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boomerang109 · 1 year
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one thing that sucks about theatre is that it literally is built around people coming to see it so no matter how good a production is, if there wasn’t good advertisement beforehand, it isn’t nearly as satisfying
#also it extra sucks that i had like 3-4 irls who said they were gonna come and they just didnt#and im not mad or anything. its spring break and also life happens and everything#but it just sucks to work so fucking hard on a production and barely have any audience#and even the audience thats here like. isnt people i know/care about#shout out to my one friend who DID come though and after giving me a tiny gift was like ‘okay i have to run my flight is like in four hours#I need to sleep’ THAT is more dedication than I would’ve given personally#but yeah to my irl who follows me if you see this I promise this isnt @ you#i just use tumblr like a diary#(but I gotta say I reaaaaally hope you don’t see this lmao)#but also i kept being like ‘okay i just need to hold out i KNOW this one specific irl is coming’ and they didnt :((#and i cant even be upset cause theyre chronically ill and they were doing big things the rest of the weekend so I bet they were having#a flare today. AND they’re gonna take me to get blood drawn tmrw which is like. the biggest favor in the world#so like expecting them to come see a two and a half war play on top of that is excessive#but I just. I was really proud of this show and I am sad i didnt get to share it with any of my friends yknow?#(AND i wanted to be able to talk to people and then to the actors be like yeah this is my friend—- AND I COULDNT)#also my roommate literally told me last night she was coming and i don’t think she’s here#but im pretty sure she’s hungover so im not too surprised lmao#anywayyyy im just complaining its fine im excited to get HIGH and play viddy games tonight
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oatbugs · 1 year
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update on gf situation btw . for those who r curious or sent asks etc
#v soon after i asked for advice i talked to her and asked her why she doesnt draw anymore n abt other stuff etc etc#she basically said she doesnt feel at all content rn but she will start again once she feels better . which is so understandable#and im also glad to hear she still does love what she loved etc...just several factors in her life are making her . discontent atm#one of them (i think a big one maybe) is me being gone for like a month . we stayed w each other a lot b4 this#so the wait has been Agonising for both of us and i just didnt realise how much she missed me . which is like . idk . shes so sweet i love#her so much and while im sad my absence is contributing to her current situation im like. woah...there is someone who misses me so much.wow#i also need to like tripple clarify bc my post asking for advice was vague and i feel like it was misinterpreted a lot :#my gf is not confused abt what she wants to do + i am not using romantic relationships as a career progression device + i do in fact have#friends and a life outside academia and am aware that i too could just as easily become disconent w my work#life etc or even lose all my passion for whatever reason + i do not in fact . only love my gf for her art. i love her for everything she is#which includes smn who is very passionate abt art which is why i was concerned etc etc . anyway#we talked abt it and i now understand things more and also will hold her through it until she feels more content again#and then ill keep holding her through everything good and bad for as long as i can :) i love her sosososososo much#and also i miss her so much and if i dont see her soon ill Perish and Die . anyway
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sexybabystevie · 1 year
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this is to ONE PERSON and one person ONLY. if you're confused, it's not you!
#you know. i saw you posted today from a different account. and it was one i totally forgot about#i didnt even feel like running back this time. was i curious? yes. did i end up looking? yep.#im saying this even though im 98% sure you cant see it but whatever. since when has that stopped me before?#you seemed fine. to say seeing that didnt piss me off would be a lie. oops i guess#i think its funny how the last thing you posted was stolen from me.#today it was one of those tag games we used to do together. your taglist was empty with some excuse of being absent on this app#i cant help but wonder if thats really all of it. if thats the whole story or not. i have a feeling the answer is no#i dont think youll ever understand the impact of what you did to me and the ways that you treated me. how that immensely fucked me up#or how youve basically thrown me to the wolves ever since you emotionally checked out.#you act like i never mattered to you and its been like that for forever. i made so many excuses on your behalf that i never should have.#these days the thought of you makes me go insane. the kind of insane that leaves me up all night and makes me wanna scream at the top#of my lungs. i have been consumed by anguish and hate. yes. im not afraid to say it anymore. i hate what happened and what you did to me#and sometimes i even hate you. and i dont even feel bad about it. im so over that because if theres anything i deserve after this hell then#its the capability to hate. for once in my life.#i saw your post and wondered if you thought of me. and i hope you did. i hope you thought of me and at the very least it stung.#because whether you want to admit it or not i was someone good. i bent over backwards for you every other day. try finding someone to do#everything that i did for you that you never appreciated. try finding someone who will care as much as i did about someone who couldnt be#bothered to tell me happy birthday. i dare you. because im tired of being sad that youre not here. im tired of being the one whos mourning#im so over it actually. because really i did so much for you. i gave up so much to be a good friend and it was never enough. i genuinely#cared about you. im not going to torture myself anymore by overanalyzing your posts or by thinking that i was nothing to you#because in one way or another youll miss me. and i hope the feeling is hell.#in the wise and paraphrased words of taylor swift. karma only comes back around to those who deserve it#in other words ill be fine#em speaks#tw vent ish#sorry to everyone else although i applaud you for being nosy lmao. gotta have my girlboss moment <3
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journen · 2 years
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Guys, i’m so hurt by the recent RoP episode
Spoilers and rant in the tags lollll
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kellystar321 · 2 years
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#periodic life updates#life is about going through the 500+ things you have to add to queue and seeing which ones are easiest to tag and add to queue#it's like ''oh i could add this one to queue. but i still want to add more tags to that one. but i dont have the energy to add tags to it.'#''oh well. guess i'll move on to the next one.''#i have a;;; fear?? hatred? of leaving people out. when i tag people in posts i feel like there's someone im forgetting and im so tired-#of this feeling. that i'm always forgetting to tag someone and then they'll be sad when i didnt tag them. i always do this thing where i#start treating simple things like jobs. like mandatory tasks i have to do; i leech all the fun out of it. it's just routine now.#i did this thing on twitter where i went through my mutual's twitters to show that i was checking up on them; and it used to be really cute#and then it just turned into a task i had to do. check on [mutual]. check on [different mutual]. check on [different mutual]. exhausing.#tedious; repetitive; i always had to do more everyday. added more mutuals to the list i had to check up on because i cared about them too#right? so why arent you doing this for them huh? i kept forcing myself to do more; check on more people; why arent you checking on this#person or that friend? dont you care about them? since when did this turn into a test of caring about someone? since when did this#become a chore instead of affection? it made people happy. i /want/ to make people happy. i love my friends and this is so simple why cant#you just go through the list? that insurmountable /overwhelming/ list where if you forget someone your rsd will never let you forget it?#it's not that big a deal! why are you making such a big deal out of this! why are you making this a chore!! this is so dumb and youre doing#it again with this tagging thing! theres more people i want to tag. i want to love and tell people ''this reminded me of you''#but im leaving people out and i'll be upset with myself. this isnt a big deal!! and i dont want to stop doing this! but jegus chrimst.#i want people to know theyre loved. there's so many people to love. do you stop loving altogether? why do i do this to myself.
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