i hate writing cvs and teachers r useless at help i love them and i appreciate it but "i have no skills to put on my cv what should i put" - "aww no everyone has skills just think of something"

INTRODUCING... THE ONE N ONLY..! PUT UR HANDS TOGETHER 4.. *drum roll please*

Meeee! Its me! :3 look here I am!

i dont have locs anymore :'3 I actually belly flopped off a diving board SO HARD the little lockage i had came undone! Like the weezer song! >B] anywhoz

WELCOME TO MY PAGE :3 HEREZ SUM INFOS ABT ME ^^;;

My interests!!! (^∧^)

I LUV SAPPHICS!!! AND QUEER.. ANYTHING! >///< im sapphos apprentice fr

my favorite shows r animes that will ruin ur life and childhood cartoons!! ^_^ like madoka magica, death note, erased, adventure time, my little pony friendship is magic, chowder, fish hooks etc etc! >;3

My favorite artists are hastune miku!!! And nicki minaj and System of a Down! :3 and tyler the creator and lemon demon and tally hall and jack stauber and spellcasting <3

I don't like labels :P)) I like writing scripts, songs, drawing and singing and theater and film - i don't have an act in specific. I just do what makes me happy

I draw and make comics and cartoons! I love art and animation so very much! My dream is to be a well-known cartoonist for many different projects ^_^ I adore indie animation, too!! Bugbo and the amazing digital circus and big top burger are my inspirations currently >:3c

My dni

Basic dni info don't be racist don't be a terf no pro contact/anti contact zoos or maps no mspec lesbians yadda yadda all the normal stuff and if u consider urself one of those "I hate everyone equally" centrist dickheads then gtfo my traphouse, disrespectfully <3

ALSO im very much cringe coded so if u embrace "cringe culture" or are against furrys or gacha kids or just people being themselves and being happy without hurting anyone (keyword: WITHOUT) you can also gtfo my traphouse NO BULLIES ALLOWED! /srs

Also, pro shipping is a sensitive subject for me. If your ships are harmful or downright disgusting, dni. I know it can be a coping skill for trauma, but my acc isn't the best place for that sorry bud :/

BYF!

I'm autistic!!! :3 self diagnosed for now trying to get a medical diagnosis soon! So tone tags are very much appreciated! /srs

Hey! Im a minor!! Im 16!! Keep that in mind if ur an nsfw acc or centered around adult topics!! <33

I go by fae/faer prns mostly!!! She/her is ok too but i prefer fae/faer!! ^_^ I have some xenos like doggie/doggiez as well!

I'm down with the sickness /ref

... by that I mean I got a lot going on in my life :p living situation and mental illnesses, I'll just be posting whenever I wanna, no strict schedule

I'm super silly and still figuring myself out! So come along with me like the adventure time song n Diddy and watch me grow thru my shenanigans on this totally valid real and not social simulation of an app/website >:D

Ooh, for sure for sure! Cant say im 100% emo myself but its not always dark and edgy or whatever stereotype emo has (though yeah ive seen a fair share of my own and thats completely valid)

I was thinking the reader be an anti social but friendly kind of emo. They wear dark clothing, but not all the time or all of it because they still do farming and wearing dark clothes make it hotter and make them sweatier. They dont wear eyeliner (it smudges when they sweat :/) but they do when its a non farming day. An emo in style but a lil softie in heart

I was imagining the headcanons start with shane assuming the reader to be cold and rude because of their appearance but started warming up to them after he realised how nice they were (and maybe add a few dating headcanons in the end if u could)

Thanks again!! Love ur writing sm ^^ -🦝

Shane with an emo s/o

Tysm for the info!🤗

It's based on this ask

TW: heavy language

Gender: neutral

Yes, first time seeing you he was quick to judge to say the least. You definitely stood out with your dark clothes and the even darker makeup and since he didn't know you personally, Shane kinda automatically put you in a box.

Much to his surprise the other town members didn't even seem to notice the fact that you're the extreme opposite of...well, Pelican Town.

It's not that he didn't like your style (he even thought that it suits you well), he simply wasn't familiar with the scene or the people in it. He remembered having some emo kids back in school, but he never interacted with them, only hearing gossip from other class mates who were just as clueless as he was.

In the first week he almost didn't even recognize you without your usual aesthetic, but he already guessed that it must be kinda in the way of work. Black clothes absorb the sun light after all. He had the feeling that something was off, but he couldn't quite place his finger on what.

One evening you entered the saloon wearing your whole attire. Clothes and makeup were spot on and when you took a seat near his corner, he caught himself admiring your eyeliner. Shane could not understand how in the name of Yoba you managed to make it look so...pretty. He banished the thought the second it appeared in his mind. Or tried it at least.

But now he knew what felt so off the last couple times he saw you in the town square, wearing a plain t-shirt and plain pants. This style, YOUR style, completes you somehow. Now you were in your element and fuck, he was staring again.

It didn't take long for him to realize that all the stories and gossip he heard all these years ago were nothing but bullshit. He wasn't better than all these judgmental shitheads tho, considering he put you in a box as well.

You were the nicest person he has ever met, giving out gifts without expecting anything in return and going out of your way to help others. He should have known better.

And now that you two are dating he makes sure to make up for all the times he treated you crappy in the beginning.

Shane loves watching you get ready, taking in every single minute he spends with you. He loves to sing along with you to your playlists when you do chores together. It's not much singing on his side, more mumbling to be honest.

You tried showing him how to put on eyeliner, but he can't even make a straight line :'D

You've tried rubbing your style off, because please his JojaMart jacket can't be considered a jacket anymore. This thing consists of more holes than material.

"Black would suit you so much, I bet."

"No."

It does.

Shane also often times uses clichés to make jokes, but nothing that would genuinely offend you. For example when you'd find a pretty, black stone in the mines and show it to him.

"Look! It's so black!"

"Like your soul?"

Masterlist

answering my own questions

[pt: answering my own questions]

dont really get sent anything and not many people sent in the questions when the games were posted and reblogged, and i wanted to talk about stuff, so here we are.

this might end up being a multiple part post series?

ask game one (link)

(if comfortable) tell us about your condition? as much info as youre comfy with sharing.

i have a defect in the base of my spine, since i was born its caused me chronic pain all throughout my development and in recent years its only gotten worse, twisting my spine, headaches, jaw issues etc. i've also got highly suspected rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and ive been diagnosed with a pretty bad case of anemia so bad that everytime a doctor looks at my results after bloodwork they give me a pained look and say "heyy...did you know your iron is low? like...really really low?". that and a hand full of other things, vitamin deficiencies, etc. i dont mind talking more about this

2. do you know about the spoon theory? if yes, what do you think of it?

i'll be honest, the majority of my knowledge of spoon theory off the top of my head is that "drawer with limited supply of spoons" is the disabled way of saying i only have so much motivation and energy (phys, as "battery" usually refers to social and emotional) in me. i've read up on it ages ago but would not be able to put into better words what i still remember about spoon theory (esp since we had a different host back then), i like that its just so much quicker and easier to convey my amount of ability to do things for the day by saying whether or not i have the spoons for it.

i do like to joke that my drawer is always stocked with knives and forks for the ablests, but sometimes that requires spoons to handle too. /silly

3. do you have mobility aids? if yes, which ones? if no, do you want any in the future?

i've mention how i really wish i could have a wheelchair if i were in a different situation, i dont know if i'll ever get one and i almost cried when my brother responded to my joke of "would you make on for me?" with an "i would if i could", i really would like a wheelchair of some kind in the future if the world were more accessible and i were in a safer place. right now though, i've just got my cane that still needs repainting. i guess my moms back brace counts too, i take it with me to work sometimes.

4. how did you find out about cripplepunk? what drew you to the community and movement?

i dont exactly remember but i've known about it for years. i (prev host) might have come across it looking up different punk aesthetics, though im not completely sure why it showed up in a punk aesthetic list, possibly because its punk and people misinterpreted it? my first glimpse was seeing patches on jackets, spiked customized aids, cripples/phys disabled people in your classic punk attire (piercings, dyed spiked mohawks, ripped jeans and fingerless gloves) and i loved it. im a sucker for self expression through appearance and customizing things and then when i found out it was a whole community for support and centered around being physically disabled in general and slowly came to terms with my own disabled body and started accepting myself, i kinda fell in love with cripplepunk in the "this feels like home" sense.

i could probably ramble way more but i'll stop there.

5. if you deal with any kind of pain, what's your method of pain management?

i use hot packs, ice packs, voltaren cream, sometimes i take a cbd gummy, i do little stretches when i remember them, i take walks and hot baths/showers, im trying to go back to the chiropractor and my favourite instructors in rehab (theyre trans friendly and complimented my cane when i first came in with it i love them so much), and i take whatever meds i can, normally anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but because i cant swallow pills i either take liquid (yeah, childs liquid meds works, the couple hours of mild relief is still worth it) or powdered tylenol or something. the hot/cold stuff depends on the pain and where on my body the pain is.

6. do you stand or sit in the shower or do you prefer baths/find bathing easier rather than showers?

i take baths for my muscles and during the damn monthly ouch in order to relax my body. i take showers just for my shoulders and when im feeling icky and wanna rinse off or something, i take showers on a "regular" basis and i normally stand because the only way i sit is if im crouched in the tub and if i do that i get extra dizzy standing up to get out when i turn the water off. thankfully im no longer near passing out when i take a shower but i still have to sit on the floor matt after because my legs demand rest. i gotta be careful with hot water cuz not only will it make me overheat quickly (i will not realize if in standing in blood-boiling hot water and turning myself into a cooked lobster until after im out) but it can also cause me to literally fall asleep in the bath which can go wrong.

7. do you have a sort of comfort item or safety blanket that helps you feel better, especially on the worst days?

a couple things. a few of them are stuffies/plushies, or music, games or books to help me keep my mind off it i suppose.

8. name 3 things you hate about hospitals/doctors/nurses/the medical system

a) a lot of them refuse to take people seriously or actually listen. sure maybe theyre tired or heard the same shtick before and wanna make sure this person isnt just a drug user trying to pity their way into getting more, but even then all matters a patient presents them with should still be taken seriously and never brushed off or mocked.

b) the fact that the er, the place you take a ticket and wait, is called the Emergency Room, when its normally scheduled appointments and people taken in by the ambulance that are top priority. sure its called the er because most visits through the er are rushed "emergency" last minute visits, people going there because they couldnt schedule an appointment and needed to see someone on that day, but still it feels wrong to call it the emergency room when its really just a waiting room and regardless of the visit they arent actually treated as emergencies. the whole system of just going to see a doctor feels messed up and most of the time you end up just going to see a nurse, get a check up and leave when they tell you what they got after a talk and examination or they schedule to see you again when a doctor is available. because of this i tend to prefer walk in clinics.

c) the fact that they charge to damn much, no matter if youre insured, it still charges so much. no matter what they do. and yeah, healthcare in canada is free to an extent if youre insured but a lot of times they charge more than your insurance can cover and not everyone can get/has insurance. not to mention the medical debt so many people have in america. i get that staff and hospitals need pay and funding but the government should have that covered and not have the patients charged so much for getting help. i almost got charged over 3k just for my short visit to the ward because there was an issue with my insurance and thats a whole angry story for another time.

9. whats an accessibility tool you wish was more accessible/that you had access to?

one of them is aac, the one i have on my phone i have to disconnect my phone to and has a limited amount of phrases i can pick from. id like it better if the app or just aac programs in general when directly to your device speaker by default, had more options for more ease conversing and none of them were behind a damn pay wall, in-app purchase or otherwise. i rarely use it for several reasons but i'd love if i could use it more with less limitations.

also wheelchair ramps. i dont have a wheelchair ramp but i wish people stopped walking on them when theyre clearly able-bodied, i wished my parents taught me and my siblings what the ramps were for and not to run up and down them as well as other parents to their kids because those things are supposed to be clear for a wheelchair user. i also think the corners should be rounded for ease of turning and that wheelchair accessible paths in general should be firm to the ground (not a wimpy matt on the sand that flips over and gets buried on the beach unmaintained), maintained and cleaned regularly, not have any gaps (ive seen so many of the small ones installed in doorways that have a height gap above the ground which causes trouble getting the wheelchair on the ramp let alone through the damn door) and not have railings made of metal if theyre outside (they can often reflect light into peoples eyes and get too hot to touch in the sun both of which are not good issues to have no matter how small they seem.)

those are at least the first to come to mind.

10. whats the worst accessability cockblock you've seen ableds do/make?

theres quite a few i've seen but atm nothing significant comes to mind other than overpricing mobility aids or placing paywalls in front of aids in general.

however there was the few times in more than one school i went to you had to go to the office, provide a 'valid' reason and ask them for a key to the elevator, otherwise they make you take the stairs. i know they do it because they dont want able-bodied kids messing with it n shit but its stupid, it should be accessible to everyone regardless. thank fuck both collages ive been to so far give free elevator use to any staff or student but in the schools i went to i was only allowed have the access key because i couldnt walk up the steps on my sprained/twisted ankle and i had to give it back at the end of every day. the last school even limited my use to just the morning or 1-2 periods that i had on the second floor. nevermind if my locker was up there.

11. whats an accessibility tool youre very thankful for?

screen readers. my little brother uses/used em more than me and i dont use them too often but im glad they exist in general i used them when i was younger and my english teachers gave us work on the computer, i used it like an audiobook and it helped me majorly. i hate that people dont always provide translations to things and make things harder on screen readers by using coloured, tiny, non-serif font-ed or 'quirked' text but ever since i was a kid i was just as happy they existed as i was about braille.

12. name 3 things you like about hospitals/docs/nurses/the medical system

a) that there are some people there who are actually hoping, willing and ready to listen and help others.

b) that they provide things for kids like toys in the waiting room, people who specialize in caring for kids in the hospital, some doctors even have their office decorated. one doctor i went to had her entire office winnie the pooh themed and it helped me out a lot when i got blood work done n stuff, it was really comforting to stare at pooh bear instead of the sharp pokey in my arm.

c) that things are usually kept quiet with low voices, as it reduces risk of overstimulation as well as avoids hurting anyones head and protects privacy of those talking about whats going on. voices are usually only raised to a normal talking level when in the privacy of a nurse or doctor office and its something i dont see really acknowledged anywhere.

13. do you have any favourite disability rep? (media or character)

not picking from my own sources, when it comes to physical disability rep, its hard for me to pick something that involves a realistic character because most of them arent very well portrayed or i cant personally relate to. i can list Freddy freeman as one, hes a crutch user and how the shazam movie portrayed him does well in expressing what ableism can be like for some visibly disabled kids in school. i could probably list some shows that handle disability well through other means if i thought of them, i know theres a few that handle it through super heros being disabled (the one spider-person who's got both a wheelchair and a cane from the recent spiderverse movie for example) or non-human characters having differences that are implied to be disabilities, and i adore that creativity, especially with showing disabled super heros as it tells disabled kids theyre still strong, not broken, they can still be cool and do great things just like able-bodied people. hard for me to name specific things off the top of my head though, guess i like specific tropes around disability rep more than anything. it helps normalize disability and thats what really makes me happy with it. (thats a big reason why i made @/your-fave-is-crippled)

14. least favourite/worst disability rep?

not phys disabled but sia's fucked up movie right off the bat still angers me. i cant name any specifics once again, normally if theres some rep that i dont like i purposely forget they exist to begin with, they arent worth remembering if they arent gonna do it right, y'know? id rather forget and move on than linger and rage about it if i can help it.

15. list some creators (youtubers/bloggers etc) that are disabled and/or cater to a disabled audience that you enjoy? (if any)

@crippled-pvp, @cripple-culture-is are a couple blogs i follow that i enjoy seeing on my dash (sorry if you dont want to be tagged!)

there was a deaf/hoh girl i used to frequent the content of as she talks a lot about signing and i really enjoyed her videos, shes such a sweet person but i never remembered her name nor any of the other creators i watched/followed. no one else comes to mind atm

16. favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

i like that there are people with advice at the ready, whatever question you have or info you need etc, theres always going to be someone with the words you need. i just like how helpful people can be in general in this community and how easily support is accessed through the community.

17. least favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

the fact that theres in-fighting, fake claiming, judgment, quick assumptions, and general internalized ableism still going on when we're supposed to be a community helping each other out not tearing each other down. im not just talking about the fight over "inclusion vs exclusion" on cripplepunk and other sub/separate communities in the disability community.

18. favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

i think my answer to "what drew you to cripplepunk" also answers this.

19. least favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

honestly? none. i hate the people forcing themselves into a space not meant to include them nor benefits them in the first place. i cant actually think of an issue i have with the cpunk community, only issues with people outside being upset over how "exclusive" it is because they want in.

20. free space:

feel free to ask me about any of my answers! i'll make a second post for the second ask game some other time. its currently 11pm and i have to get up early for morning classes yuck

[ID: banner reading "dni if... proship, transx/id, syscourse/discourse blog, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, anti-lesboy/turigirl more in pinned rentry. this blog is protected by the addams family, the de rolo family and co." in all black lowercase text. It has a grey cloud background. On the left is the De Rolo coat of arms with a cobweb in the top corner and symmetrically flipped on the right is the symbol of Vox Machina with the same cobweb in the bottom corner :End ID]

i saw a thing that was like. im paraphrasing but basically suggested that detrans people are essentially cis people who were “too stupid” to realize that transitioning wasn’t going to cure their depression. and i got upset initially but now weirdly i feel more comfortable saying that i’m detrans. i think that take came from a real place of hurt and fear and i agree that it’s pretty fucked the way detrans narratives are used in the media to fearmonger and make it seem like transitioning is “too accessible” and i can understand being wary of detrans ppl being open about their experiences Because of how often it gets all twisted into an anti-trans agenda

however ….. my gut feeling is that we have Got to be more compassionate to detrans folks. bc, for one, how are we going to make gender identity exploration feel like a safe option if the consequences of potentially “getting it wrong” involve complete social rejection/disdain from the community in which they previously sought refuge

bc it’s not like detrans were “just cis people” trying it on for funsies. and i don’t think this thought process can just be summed up as being influenced by peer pressure either. but in my experience, being depressed since puberty and not relating to my agab, and seeing other people online who were saying the exact shit i was feeling & how they flourished after transition. of course it made it a more attractive option to me. and it was easy for me to convince myself that transitioning could be the answer. it doesn’t mean i expected it to be seamless or fun though.

but like. on a more personal note. at a certain point i realized i don’t care how people see me or what social category they put me in. i realized it was Me who was putting the most pressure on myself to “be something”. i dont feel like a woman, i don’t feel like a man, and i don’t feel like calling myself nonbinary is totally truthful either. and trying to figure out “which one i am” just caused so much more stress than just accepting that i Am. i exist. i’m me. that’s all i need to be. its okay to not know Who or What i am exactly. i don’t think that’s the conclusion that fits for every detrans person i don’t want to make it seem like i’m saying i found The Answer. my journey isn’t over and its unique like everyone else’s. but idk i hope talking about it makes it less taboo in somebody’s eyes

I’m really glad that ao3 doesn’t have an actual pro-ai policy at the moment! I’m planning on doing some research on what Unseeliekey brought up just to at least understand what he’s talking about. I was honestly really confused and freaked out reading what he was saying. But yeah, I’m sad too. You’ve got the right to remain right here with me and it’s a little more fun when I’m with you are two of the fics that made me not only get pretty into Saiou but also made me more attached to DR and into reading fanfiction in general. And it’s just like really upsetting to see something that had that much of an effect on me be gone and know that not everyone who is in the fandom or will get into the fandom will be able to see that.

I also really hope that there’s some sort of way to glaze works too. Making stuff inaccessible to guests is always sad. When I first started reading fanfiction I was a guest and like a lot of people don’t use accounts for various reasons and it’s just sad to think about account locked stuff. And it would be so nice if the ais would just Not. Like why can’t they???? Why???

Anyway, right now I don’t think there’s any full proof, everyone will be able to be happy way to prevent the ai scraping but I’m sure you’ll figure something out that’ll be alright for at least what can be done at the moment. Your works are very cool. I really, really love them. They bring me lots of joy. Thank you for all the joy. It’s super awesome.

okay this is a REALLY long answer because i went on a whole rant so im going to cut this for people who are just scrolling normally. but also im totally going to put this into my pinned tag

a lot of what was said was like. Half true. my counterpoint to him saying that ao3 supports cp or rape or sexual assault is that no matter where you go on the internet, you will find shit like that. EVERYWHERE. ao3 doesnt support it i really seriously doubt that anyone outside of those spaces supports shit like that but ao3 is an ARCHIVE. and when you put things in the archive, you are allowed to submit whatever the fuck you want. setting rules on what could be put into the archive automatically means that other fics, which explore the topic in a critical, non-fetishistic way, are ALSO up to scrutiny. fics that explore the psyche of trauma victims? they might not be allowed. regular degular fetish content, no minors involved? completely up to scrutiny. im really not a fan of censorship OR some of the shit on the internet, but i can only control ONE THING and thats what i allow myself to see. i really dont like people saying that ao3 deserves to be taken down because of that because then that would mean twitter deserves to go down, social media as a whole deserves to go down, and just generally i dont trust people who push the "think of the CHILDREN" argument. you see republicans push that when theyre trying to ban trans or gay people out of existence so INSTANTLY alarm bells start going off in my head, not to imply that i think every single person who pushes that argument in this context is republican or right-wing. just bothers me and looks like a red flag

and to instantly get it out of the way im not involved in the fucking proship/anti discourse that whole distinction feels like destruction of critical thinking antis are often puritanicals and would kill me if they saw what i write in nameless and gasp at published books that delve into topics they think are off limits and many of the proshippers ive come across are weirdos who think that its totally normal to write romance between minors and adults in a positive light like its NORMAL and that we shouldnt think less of people who do that but fyi i am totally thinking less of people who do that and im totally thinking less of people who hate me for writing my unhealthy/toxic/abusive/codependent relationships that dont even fetishise those kinds of relationships like GET OVER IT!!!! BE NORMAL!!! GO OUTSIDE LICK A DOORKNOB KISS A GIRL DO SOMETHING!!!!!

if there is ever any advice i can give to people its to form your own opinions and dont try to put a strict solid label on your opinion because sometimes you will betray your label and youll think to yourself "am i even really that thing......." people are complex and hold many different opinions that sometimes contradict one another and thats fine. logic your shit out dont fall for charming little labels that pin you strictly on one side of an argument it makes you less likely to actually reach a point where you have a strong opinion that makes sense AND can compromise and thus bring someone more onto your side. forever

ANYWAY YEAH! i settled on making it so my osomatsu san fics go account only on the 20th and then also some of my older danganronpa single chapters go account only with them, but the multichapters im currently working on will go account only when theyre finished, with exceptions for when theres rumours going around of a scrape. makes me so oo oodofooafgofjgj mad GRRAAGGHGHGGHG

but thank you i am glad to bring joy to people's lives. readers and comments bring me a ton of joy and im glad that i can give that back to everyone ^_^ i seriously cannot thank readers and commenters enough like i never feel like i get it across well enough how grateful i am for everyone who reads my stories and gives me kudos and the people who comment like. it brings me so much joy that i cannot properly verbalise EVER

random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo

my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it

last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard

she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy

she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?

i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely

ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him

anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened

so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health

like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks

so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)

my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know

what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family

i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore

yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont

my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck

just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too

hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like

its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol

anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great

i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not

i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF

okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)

I love seeing your posts about like bandom history and just discussion and reflection from a more mature adult's angle, it's really relatable to me at 29. And while I have not involved in bandom before late 2015, I have studied a lot myself, and Panic! and Brendon were my first faves and still high up there. It really disappoints me how brutal antis are as I have figured them out to a T, treating minor errors as hate-crimes from Brendon but not anyone else. Are we not all human?

i havent checked my messages in so long so im not 100% certain when this was sent but this was a really nice thing to stumble upon today 😭😭😭 it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who can sort of ~smell what im stepping in~ so to speak and that when i talk about this stuff its not always falling on deaf ears. ive always rejected the term “anti” because it feels so immature to say, but honestly what other word is there to even describe most of these people? haters? bullies? assholes? they dont have any actual critical thought behind why they came to hate brendon, they just know it became the cool and popular thing to hate him and “blame him” for shit and they couldnt bear the thought of not following the crowd and fitting in. youd be hard pressed to find me anyone whos life has been documented and scrutinized for as long as and as harshly as brendons since they were a teenager who HASNT stumbled or fucked up or put their foot in their mouth at some point. its wildly hypocritical because these people act very pure and righteous, and like theyve never done or said anything wrong or questionable or problematic in their lives which is just…. quite literally patently untrue for every person on earth. to assert moral and ethical superiority over a person like brendon is to be horrendously disingenuous, and it grossly highlights the efficacy of social media fandom war smear campaigns, lack of proper journalism, and the terrifying degeneration of peoples ability to engage in critical thought and perform unbiased fact-based research. these people act like brendon singlehandedly committed genocide or some shit, and honestly i find these people spend far more time thinking and talking about him than we as fans do. like he quite literally lives in these peoples heads rent free, and these are the same people who call us pathetic for still enjoying him and his music after all these years and not dropping off and following the crowd of sheeple like they did. like these people have the nerve to behave like 13 year old lunch-room bullies and then turn around and call people cringe and pathetic for *checks notes* … enjoying someone and their art and music. like honey the call is coming from inside the house. they love to use the classics like “jeez its just a joke” or “its not that deep…” when the reality is that if it was truly not that deep they wouldnt spend so much time obsessing over him and talking about him more than his fucking fans do. they quite literally troll his and panics tags and quote retweet and reblog almost everything they see with a shitty snide remark that they truly think is soooo clever and original (🙄) like its their fucking 6 figure paid career path. they constantly poke the bear, go swinging at a hornets nest with lead pipes, and then they get confused and pissed when they get bit and stung. like literally dude what did you expect? you come into a space specifically to cause trouble and piss people off and then act like the victim when you actually accomplish that??? call people cringe and fail and annoying and strange when they get emotional over something they clearly care deeply about??? as though if the tables werent turned these people wouldnt immediately start screaming crying throwing up and playing the victim. honestly though at the very end of the day i truly believe these proudly self-proclaimed “haters” are more miserable than ill ever be no matter how bad my life circumstances get. because ultimately i only spend a few hours, maybe a day or two at most being pissed that these bullies and mean-girls exist and love to invade our spaces for shits and giggles. but they apparently spend entire days, weeks, months… YEARS of their lives being bitter and vile and mean for the sake of maybe 10 likes on twitter and 5 minutes of internet validation. what a sad fucking existence. i prefer to be someone who enjoys things and engages with and consumes things that make me happy and joyful thank you :) anyway sorry for the ramble! if you read all of it i appreciate and love you for it!! 💕

New introduction/dni post!! (Ignore the last one)💜💜

Hello! Welcome, my name is Cora/Rem!! please refer to my bio for my prns and other stuff, this post will just be abt my dni rules, so yea!!

WARNING: break any of these rules, you will be blocked.

DNI IF.. (VERY IMPORTANT AND NON NEGOTIABLE.):

Proshitter (proshipper)

Homophobic/Transphobic/Racist/Xenophobic (or sinophobic)

Terfs

Radfems

Pornbots

Porn blogs (i have nothing against them, but i want my blog just to be abt cartoons and thats it)

P*do/In(est

Ableist (this also includes neurodivergent people)

Sexist/Misogonist

Anti-Abortion

Against neopronouns

lgbt fetishizer (speaking of which, if you like the webtoon boyfriends/the anime YBC get the hell away from me)

S*xualize any fictional character/s who are LITERALLY CHILDREN/MINORS.

Antis against any religion, we should respect every religion even if we dont believe in it

Any very religious people who share any gospel w/ me without my consent or just randomly spew it out, i respect you but im sorry, im agnostic/aethiest, but i still support you. <3

Socials/Useless info:

Roblox user: Too_Pinkies (Display name: Cora)

Tiktok acc (but dont expect me to upload anything): coralovescorn

(Will be adding more if necessary)

Other rules(has the same importance as the DNI rules):

If you want to share my art, please give me credit and/or REBLOG. If you wanna repost my art to other platforms, MAKE SURE IT HAS MY TUMBLR TAG IN IT AND/OR CREDIT ME.

Reblogs/comments >>>> likes (i much prefer reblogs than just simply liking, but im not forcing you at all! :) )

If you don’t agree with my headcanons, theories, opinions, or my art, etc. .. simply DNI with it/just respect it. Do not comment hate or anything. Please.

Im pretty young aswell, so no to age shaming here in this blog aswell.

Other reminders:

I might say some cuss words so if you dont like hearing them DNI, sorry :(

I rarely post content that i dont usually post from time to time and they might be triggering topics for you, so always read the TW i put in my tags first!!

yes im still in school so expect long days/weeks/months without me posting, ill still try my best to pull out any content as possible for you guys!! <3

plsplspls ask me abt my iahb hcs i cannot stop talking abt them

I have crippling anxiety and that might also be the reason to as i might not post as much, im super sorry :(

ask me any questions about my posts or myself if you have any!!

List of fandoms im in:

(I removed this from my og intro post but i feel like adding it back in, in a desperate attempt of getting people to talk in my dms)

In a heartbeat (Animated shortfilm, 2017)

Carmen Sandiego (Animated Netflix Series, 2019)

South Park (adult swim show)

The Owl House (Disney Animated Series, 2020)

Moral Orel (also an adult show, its on youtube)

Arctic Monkeys (indie rock band, alsobtwwhileimatitlistentobodypaintplsplsplspls)

Metal Family (13+ animated show on youtube)

Dead Disney movie fandoms, (such as Encanto, and turning Red)

Helluva boss and Hazbin Hotel (Two animated adult shows, but im not as active in this fandom anymore sadly)

Cookie run Kingdom (RPG game, not as active anymore aswell, mymainwascaramelarrowcookieilovedhersm)

Genshin Impact (RPG game, not as active anymore, #proudexganyuandnoellemain)

Nimona (Animated Film)

Please be respectful and nice to me or anyone in this blog! Ily, take care yall 💗

no matter how awesome some events are, how great some servants and staff are, how nice chaldea's kitchen is and how insightful it is to be in a place that amasses such a vast variety of viewpoints from so many countries and eras; i would not want to be in guda's position in a MILLION LIFETIMES 😭 not cuz it sucks or anything, just because the job has so much pressure and so many duties that i would definitely fall apart underneath its weight.

perservering throughout the odds, no matter how bleak they look; doing one's best to keep one's head above water despite the loss, danger, violence and difficulty they endure on the quest of fgo? that is a real strength of guda. they push thru shit even if they're hurting inside. who knows, unlike them who wholeheartedly sticks through until the end, maybe i would want to kick chaldea down and escape, or withdraw away to GET A BREAK permanently!!! and never look back.

ngl though i would not be able to do that. its not easy to remain oneself through such pain. i would definitely give into rage and anger at the situation, and would probably even lose any desire to continue moving forwards for the sake of chaldea's goals. no lie the anxiety would bitch slap me if i was in a situation like guda's!!!

and then the servants. dont get me wrong, they're AWESOME. but how guda is able to mesh with almost all of them, pinpointing their needs, tending to them in interludes and really doing their best for so many of them at once is a special quality like no other!! that level of social skill is not easy at all.

but that is not a skill for everyone and that's totally fine!!! in my case, just the thought of trying to balance my needs with so many others leaves me feeling grumpy. i like the servants, but i know there would be some that I'd have mutual disagreements with, some id avoid, some who would want to fight me over our differences and stuff. and honestly? i would wanna leave. for a long time. 🤣🤣🤣 all that socialisation would burn me out to hell. and as some servants come with some very high level demands, guda has not got much alone time. idc if servants are like "MASTER WTF U DOING LETS FIGHT" whilst im having me time, id be polite to them but not fight at all. sorry but i need the me time.

even if i got the guda "we love u" treatment, chaldea's high pressure lifestyle would result in me having breakdowns and isolating away so then i can find a good place to cry and not have to be happy or cheerful! more like, being the last master just sounds like a hassle, and a tortuous nightmare so no thank you. i will put myself before the world, even if my servants hate me for it or the mages destroy me for it. the anti-master is who id be

if i was in guda's position, even if the world would hate me, label me a "coward" and scorn me for giving up, i'd do it. even if servants are disappointed that im not some warrior with a steel will, oh well. id either have to leave or completely detach myself emotionally from the whole situation lol

im so frustrated tonight. idk why. my brain is buzzing with an angry burning passion against the system but my body is tired from a long day.

i really wish i had the stomach for politics because like... people who meet me irl tend to like me. im good at educating them and persuading them without them getting the impression that im passing judgement. i have some Very Good Ideas that I think very few could argue with and would at least somewhat improve things, i think. i would not be ready yet but i could one day. there are things that could be said, spins that could be spun, that they are not doing. i wish i could

but i know i dont have the money or connections to keep myself and my family safe. that's probably my biggest hesitation in giving it more thought. i would not play the game. not only can you not win by not playing, but you also make yourself a gigantic target. i really think i could make a difference, but there's a reason why there's not more good politicians! they never make it that far

idk im just sorta rambling. ive been tired and im grieving from the anniversary of my dad's death and im stoned and just thinkin. for me none of this means anything unless im making a positive difference. i feel like ive got to do all i can to help because.... what else am i supposed to do? how can i, with a good conscience, put my heart into anything else when i know there's work to be done and i have this deep down feeling that ive got to help do it

if anyone has read this far, am i crazy for thinking like this? not a lot of people really follow my tumblr so i feel pretty okay posting about this without hate mail but like. it baffles me that we don't have somebody out there already saying some of this stuff. like for people who are so concerned about child grooming and shit, how come you're okay with the age of consent/marriage being below 18 in most of the country?? how is that not more of a talking point if child exploitation is such a worry? no its gotta be the trans

idk what im going to do to change things yet but ive always had this drive in me that im meant to keep going, keep trying until i find the answer. the people have power like never before, but we don't know how to use it yet. we make things go viral on accident. what good things can we make go viral on purpose? social media has been shown to encourage anti-social behaviors in us. how can we change things so they promote pro-social behavior? i mean??? am i just missing something huge here?

that last post didn't scratch the itch im making a long post. all my thoughts. all my opinions. my life story. this literally does not matter and is paragraphs of bullshit but i dont want to feel like im operating with a filter so im putting it out. your regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly but for now this is happening.

Okay so I've been in fandom spaces for a while. They've morphed and changed quite a bit. I think they have all the same problems just manifested differently. It also feels more isolated. They feel quieter. I don't know if it's because most of my fandoms are dead and I havent adapted well to whatever else is happening but it feels like fandom culture is on its deathbed in a way. Well not fandom culture as a whole, that will always exist in some form. I think its moreso just a metamorphosis mixed with me being into older content with smaller followings. This is just my view. I have zero wider perspective on what the whole is like. I couldn't tell you of any big places to talk about fandom related things that aren't vaguely tumblr and twitter. There will always be dedicated pockets of something. This is just about my pocket. The whole it's more isolated thing is also probably just my problem.

I've seen the shipping debate happening my entire time here. It's always existed in different ways. I think there are a lot of ways you could define both sides. I think there are a lot of things both sides have to argue over. It depends on the person and how they view the debates really. I know a lot of people define it on terms of harassment and others define it on terms of what they're morally okay with harassment or no harassment.

I'm not going to attempt to pin definitions on either side currently mostly because I just don't care. I think that miscommunication is what stifles a lot of progress though. There isn't reslly much to progress to either way. People will do what they think is right and its not like there's any solid achievable end goal for either side (in my eyes, someone might have a reachable goal idk).

I've been involved with the debate a lot. When I was like 10-12 I was a proshipper by definition I guess. I didn't call myself that. I didn't care I just shipped what I wanted.

When I grew a bit older and started getting involved with more online debate I became an anti. I actually called myself that one. I don't know what flicked the switch. I think I was turned off by the gung ho "I'm going to draw fucked up shit for shock value" attitude a lot of proshippers had. It was the whole "these damn puriteens" "get minors off the internet" and general talking down to people who had legitimate concerns thing that ruffled my feathers looking back. I know most proshippers are not like this. I also know a lot of it wasn't for shock value.

There were a lot of reasons people did the things they did. Some were coping, some were approaching it with the same attitude I had when I was 12. A lot of them were sick and tired of people trying to talk down to them with their concerns as if they had the full moral highground. Nobody really likes the holier than thou attitude unless they agree with the person I've found which is reasonable. Who wants to be told what to do?

That carried on. I debated with people with the same high horse that I hated on other people. Then I got tired. Every time I opened my phone my heart was racing it was so dumb lmao. Arguing was like crack. I eventually realized that and just stopped. It wasn't just the shipping debate I was involved in those stupid identity politics and was involved with more important actual politics and debating homophobes and people who were probably trolls. Probably not the healthiest thing in the world. Did not do my health any favors. One day i just stopped.

I don't know what flipped that switch I think I just tuckered myself out. I didn't go on social media much. I went outside and touched grass as I had told so many people to do. The grass was nice. The sun was shining and there were even trees and real people (woah).

Then quarantine eventually happened and I was inside and online. I wasn't in my old unhinged frenzy though, I actually went back and deleted all of my accounts to start from scratch. I had no opinions on much fandom discourse and the opinions I did have I just kept to myself. I still saw things that pissed me off but that wasn't my problem.

I downloaded tumblr again after like years. Joined fandom spaces. Once again was faced with that old discourse. Ironically enough a ship I had enjoyed was confirmed to be incest and I was in such a quarantined haze at that point I just said fuck it and forced myself to agree with proshippers and quite literally abandoned any moral values I had. Looking back that was so funny. I never treated it like a fall from grace. I treated it like a fuck you.

It wasn't that dramatic or anything. I wasn't punching the air and seething when I saw either side. I was moreso just doing what I wanted because I could and happened to interact with proshippers so I just like called myself that. I became more involved with their values and oh boy my horse is getting higher!!!

I think that's just a problem I have when it comes to any sort of debate. I get really full of myself. That's fucking annoying I know. Anyways as I was flexing how cool and subversive I was I realized I wasn't having fun anymore. That happened any time I got too wrapped up in an ideology. It was no longer about the thing it was about the approach to the thing. I did a similar thing with identity politics. I wasn't me I was my labels.

I feel like this was a really bad representation of how I was as a proshipper. I kind of framed it as me intentionally agreeing with them but it wasn't just that. It was like another flip switched but it was also moreso me swallowing my pride and that pride getting replaced with a different kind of pride. I wasn't in as much as an unhinged frenzy because I had set rules on How I can debate. (No debating after 9pm, you can not respond if they don't respond in under 10 minutes, if you call them names you have to stop ect.). It was tamer because I had to learn how to be tame and I did. It worked. The rules started to become more rigid and my urge to debate almost depleted.

I stopped focusing outward and returned to how I was when I was 12 almost. I shipped my fuckshit and had an occasional gloat about my moral superiority over those damn antis. Nothing really special for a twitter user.

I made friends during my stay in both communities. They were all good people. None of the people I befriended threatened anybody or did anything you heard from those horror stories. None of them were pedophiles. They were just opinionated nerds most of which had trauma that guided their opinions. You were also bound to be outcast if you disagreed with them though. It's how relationships formed based off opinions go, especially online.

I don't talk to any of them anymore, there was no fight we just drifted apart. That was okay. I can't say my stay in either community was better or worse than the other. I think most of it was determined by my self control. How much I would indulge in being vile to someone and having them be vile back in retaliation. I did forget to have fun along the way in both though.

I've come to the conclusion I don't necessarily like being part of any community. I don't like the culture of either.

For starters I don't like how people on both sides will accuse the other of being pedos (proshippers accusing antis of projecting, antis accusing proshippers of being pedos because of fiction). It's just baselessly throwing around something that's become a buzzword.

I don't like how a lot of fetishization gets wrapped up in the proship community (specifically towards trans people). I don't like how poppytwt formed (i know a lot of proshippers agree with me on this one) or rpf. I don't like how both sides call the other cult like because it's also baselessly throwing buzzwords around. The comparisons of legitimate real world issues sparked by religious institutions also rubs me entirely the wrong way.

I don't like how some antis feel the need to "punish" proshippers. It's not your place and once you start hurting real world people over fiction you're just making yourself into the badguy in the situation. I've also seen proshippers intentionally go out of their way to give antis similar treatment. Equally dumb. Neither community is a hivemind but yknow. Those sour apples exist everywhere.

I think i just generally don't like being told what to do or dictated. Yes that's childish I know.

Idk I think both have their reasons. Like yes it's just fiction and yes fiction does have impacts, I think those can coexist. When it comes to harassment I don't think that's cool in any context when it spawns from fiction. That probably makes me a proshipper in a lot of people's books and like if that's your framework of viewing it cool.

I think I've just chosen to like. Win the game by not playing. I'm not either purely because I choose not to be and just do what I want outside of that. That's probably annoying. Which is fair.

I don't hate people that choose to allign themselves with either side they're not like less than or anything. If you're not going around harassing anybody then you're always chill. Like idk just because I find the debate annoying and tiresome doesn't mean I find most people like that. If that makes any sense idk. Moreso to say its my problem not yours. Like most of my distaste for debate comes from what I've experienced due to my own lack of self control.

It also kinda feels like running with a filter though. Like I'm so worried about getting back to that point I avoid saying half the things I want to say. Then that leads to a little burnout of its own because of some weird obligatory feeling.

I think most ppl here are chill like nobody is too wrapped up in their own ideology that they stop having fun like I was. Their opinions are the side dish not the main course which is respectable and difficult to do if you struggle with your horse getting some fucking Growth Spurts like I do.

I don't know why I'm posting this here exactly. I think its to show where I'm coming from and removing the filter ig. I think I've generally gotten better at containing myself that I can say things and not feel the need for it to spiral into a month long debate with someone. The horse is off steroids ig. I acknowledge that I'm still probably very unlikable to a lot of people which is fine it can be offputting no matter where you lean.

Okay thoughts organized into very chaotic long post back to blorbo shitto posting

please tell me every detail of u and tsukasa because I am beyond obsessed with you two

would you believe I had 2 whole ass paragraphs written when i switched tabs and lost it all??? this is hell, tumblr is hell.

annyways YES OK SELFSHIP SATURDAY LETS GO, UNDER A CUT BC IM SHY AND IM GONNA BE RAMBLY. TLDR, summed up as Me and the Bad Bitch I pulled by Being Autistic

I GOTTA BE HONEST, tsukasa was not it for me when i first started the series, but i was also busy chewing furiously on senku bc he's Neat. but I was sunk after we found out about Mirai he loves her SO MUCH. big stronk man good with children is an instant K.O., i was smitten so quick.

Dr Stone is actually the first series i ever Blatently self inserted into! it was a really good fit and I felt that i could just, genuinely suit the story setting bc 1) ADHD has blessed me with sprawling random curiosities and an accumulation of trivial but Useful knowledge and 2) I literally studied archaeology for my B.A. and bc I live in Canada most of our archaeologoy is based on the Indigenous population who was still using stone technology when first contact with europeans occurred. random note for anyone who might be parusing, the 'ages of history' such as stone, bronze, and iron, didn't occur across all of civilization unilaterally, and the technology used by people is not an indication of civility or advancement of a social group. Anyways.

My real life plan for after I finished Uni was to go and teach english in asia! This didn't happed for various reasons, but it presents a good opportunity for bending realty into fitting me into the series, ehe. I genuinley think it would be really funny if I got revived by the Tsukasa empire by complete accident, busting outta the stone speaking minimal japanese and being a literal scientist by education - i was put here to cause problems on purpose. Tsukasa and I would absolutely start out as bumping heads, not quiet immediatley but as someone Anti smashing people and pro science it gets hostile fast. Arguments are conducted largely thru translations via Ukyo, who i quickly grow attached to as the only person capable of commincating in fluent english (we also have birthdays close together and I Adore that, we're birthday buddies, v cute stuff) I gotta sidetrack for a second bc as much as I love this series theres SO MUCH STUFF THAT JUST ISNT ADDRESSED AND I GET ITS JUST A MANGA BUT IM A WEIRDO. like, what about the bees??? they were just chill after having simbiotic relationships with humans for thousands of years?? sure y not. k sorry

I do wonder tho, if Tsukasa would see me as a threat to the stability of his Empire. Even with poor communication with the majority of the group, I've got a decent set of leadership skills and a lil bit of charisma, and who wouldn't like me really - esp with all the useful knowledge i can bring to the table (yes im hyping myself but its also true, i know how to do pottery and i've experience with stone tools & the types of stone you can use). I think even if he did, I'd really only get put in time out if I was causing problems, and like Taiju and Yuzuriha I might have someone keeping an eye on me. Thing's between me and Tsukasa start to change when we manage to find common ground, using him to practice japanese and finding out about his sister and his feelings about wealth etc - admittedly this was Not Well convayed in the anime, but when he's beaten up while getting seashells on the beach, the adult is yelling at him bc he doesn't want kids running around and stealing from 'his' beach. And his mom sucks too. I think that's something we could bond over, having lousy times growing up. I think he'd also be sensitive to the fact that I'm so far from Home and all my friends and Family, he's very thoughtful like that.

Man this is already reallly long and i dont feel like I've really said much, but I think when it comes down to it, Tsukasa and I just share a lot of the same values. He's strong and kind and good hearted, and that makes me feel safe. He's just very caretaker coded to me and after thinking about it the last few days, i think thats something I'm really looking for in a partner. I think I also balance him out a little bit, make him look at a bigger picture and slow down to enjoy simpler things. When we start to get along a little bit, I like to think that I'd accompany him on simple outings to forage or something, or maybe I'd be able to drag him away for a little while to show him something Neat, or getting to teach him something. He teaches me how to fight a little bit as well, so that I'm better able to take care of myself.

I think that's all I've got for now, but it's nice to sit and think about it and write it down, maybe I'll do a lil more writing over the next few days :3 OH I ALMOST FORGOT, i did a star chart love compatability thing and what I got to read for free was SO FUNNY like, he's enchanted by my whimsy lmao

Some thoughts

Everything is monetized, nothing is material anymore

From disappearing objects on a desk, a calculator, notepad, pen, calendar, and —, now all being consumed by the power of the MacBook, our lives are becoming more and more digitized, more subscriptions and more passwords, less materials because of the increase in material

of course, now I can listen to whatever I want, I dont need to buy a million albums to be able to listen to whatever I want in my car, and I am introduced to much more music. It is a lot more accessible! Yes but now I have to pay $this much per month to be able to do that, and sure its not a large price, but that concept expands to all aspects of media and life. netflix, Hulu, hbomax, grocery subscriptions, delivered right to your door, you never need to talk to anyone or ask anyone how to make it, its all there for you!

I have been trying to find a job, and I have had to open 17 tabs at a time, redirected to a new website where im instructed to put in my name number and email time and time after, just to end up with the job being 25 miles away, or has qualifications that I dont meet.

Burger King- Cashier

Parsippany, New Jersey

Hospital Front Desk

Bucks County, PA

What happened to job postings in the newspaper, you go in and you’re hired.

Ive called a million places, I fill out an application online and have to remind them 20 times to look at it.

Sure, everything is easier nowadays, I can find jobs without leaving my bed, but its so effective it is ineffective, it is done by computers and scammers, my phone opening 17 tabs to find a minimum wage job for it to tell me that this page is unsafe and I should close the tab

Are there real people behind this? Is this all an algorithm?

Thats the most profitable, so obviously it requires the least quality and the worst ever service.

I’m literally not getting a new job anytime soon

Why do you need to send me resume to corporate in North Carolina and then have me call when I hear back to come in I can literally start stocking the shelves right now why do you need to go through such a lengthy process. Why do adults not see what a huge problem this is? How am I supposted to BUY A HOUSE IN 10 YEARS?

The traditional markers of adulthood have decayed almost completely due to neoliberal capitalism, I am going to feel like a child forever. This is also a problem because dating is not what it was 10 years ago. If anything dating apps are antithetical to dating. I highly doubt that I will be dating anytime soon, not that I have much of a desire to be in a relationship more like I’m just lonely.

This whole dating thing is a big problem that has a lot to do with the whole job market, house market. The dating market is so unrealistic because of 1- unrealistic standards of beauty set by media especially in our age of influencers, lip filler, and face filters, 2- the rise of the buisness major and the rise of anti intellectualism, most people care about looks and their “brand” aka their hot girlfriends (this is not completely specific to our age this is definitely not new but I think especially with the finance bro and how many people are doing that..) 3- the anti social quality of social media. Even myself I cannot get off Instagram like and I knowwww it is making me less social in real life. People do not meet spontaneously, everything must be calculated because we have so much information now. People are not coming up to you after class, everyone is overhearing inside of class and then immediately head in phone after.

When you’re around so many people in New York City why commit to just one? Why pick one when there are so many other ones? Especially at a school that should be classified as an all girls (and gays) school.

Our material reality and the dating world are disappearing before our (my) eyes. This is not what 20 was supposed to be

nonono your answer absolutely makes sense!

for the longest time whenever i would go up to my mom with concerns about people before i meet them she'd be like "oh don't worry she's a woman she'll be okay" and in my head I'll try to make myself believe it but i never really identified with that notion that women are better with children than men?

also i was pulled out of public school in the 3rd grade and for the longest time my only interactions with people in the meatspace were when my grandma would take me to her moose lodge chapter (basically a country club for poor people tbh, though my immediate family was never working class) and i made some friends there. i only hung out with the boys and my mom flipped the hell out when she found out I'd befriended a 17 y/o boy at 13 (my grandma put a stop to this when she said the 17 y/o was also autistic and was really good with people younger than him)

- ezra

that makes a lot of sense really, i dont really know why the expectation of women being better with children is so prevalent when so many women actively voice that they just do not like children, but thats sexism to you ig!

im bisexual but like. sometimes im way more wary of women, or especially teenage girls even as an adult. i was never hurt by the boys as much as the girls- thats probably because a lot of afab people are conditioned to believe that they have to prove themselves as 'better' than the others around them in order to be respected, and its often a subconscious bias that they dont realize is happening.

ive been pretty isolated my whole life, but the few female friends i had growing up saw me as inferior to them, thus an acceptable friend to have as they could be assured i wouldnt be taking attention from them. it was never intentional i dont think, but every time i got bullied it was the girls who always just turned away, or worse, joined in. they often even looked guilty for it, so i never really blamed them for it all. if anything, it meant that i was a threat to the people who DID bully me.

i think sometimes, when girls see you as a threat, they give you MORE attention, often negative, because the goal is to be seen as The Most among their peers. giving someone like me negative attention encourages other girls to do it as it can often give them positive attention from each other. its kinda like antis but less direct targeting and more a collective social norm being perpetuated.

meanwhile, amab people and men are often conditioned to just not fucking care, in both a negative and positive way. boys will be boys, but for some of them the not caring applies to who you hang out with and just accepting certain people without really thinking about it.

you can end up with a really shitty friend group because you just think that youre all just being boys, and other times it means you make friends with the bullied kids easier because they arent focused on the same things- guys dont always care whether youre pretty, whether youre The Best in class, and they dont always care about what you can do for them.

its easier to make friends because its all typically surface level, they dont really like digging into the emotional depth and while thats also a problem, it makes it way easier for ostricized girls to make friends like with the kid you made friends with. i mean he was autistic, too, he was probably equally as ostricized.

all this is to say that you being adverse to women is understandable given both your treatment from those teachers and the idea that women are always safe with other women, when a lot of them are basically conditioned to be cruel to each other to maintain autonomy of some sort.

feel like thats why a lot of people who are ND and traumatized identify as trans, they literally do not feel like they belong with their assigned gender because of the expectations that come with it.

did nothing most of the day (on accident) but i had a good sub 4 lunch. and then i looked at tumblr 4 2 long and felt not good so i walked my dog and i saw this girl who called me her friend once. she is from the neighborhood.

and all the cats were around my house, mr meowgy (the one who came in my house that one time) and karl (i named her karl bc she has a swirly pattern on her fur like karl jacobs' hoodie. but everyone else calls her butterscotch ((not as cool))).

but um i let my awesome best ever dog maggie in the house but i stayed outside and i went up 2 the girl cus i was like this is just like the hit rpg game omori kind of like when me and sunny would do stuff in faraway park idk. idk. but i put on the able sisters and put my headphones around my neck soi could hear it faintly.

and i went up 2 her and i was like what are you doing and she had been listening 2 music in a car like and she said she was freestyling. and she said how do you not bite your nails (because my nails are long) and i said oh i dont know. i used 2 bite them i just stopped one day i guess. i dont remember how everything flowed together but we talked about alot like

school. she does virtual school but shes gonna be going 2 a new school where they put all the "bad" kids. thats what she said with the quotations and everything. i told her alot my schools were private christian schools. and apparently she went 2 one of the same schools i did and i talked about my old friend icsis. who likes goats and twenty one pilots. and she told me icsis dated her brother once

also she has autism like i do. bc she said she failed 8th grade and i was like oh well i had gifted kid burnout. turns out i probably have autism 😎 and i asked 'could you tell i have autism' and she said no but i thought u were anti social. and i said 'oh its just because i became more of an introvert after quarentine.' maybe thats right but i think i liked 2 draw by myself alot b4 quarantine. i think

and i was trying 2 tell her about what i do on a daily basis. i wasnt able 2 finish talking about this because it got 2 late. and my mom said come inside and i said okay mom

other stuff thats happened today is i talked 2 my partner and we talked about how we love each other very much ^U^ HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY 4REAL!!!!

and i talked 2 my qpp and we got married (not like legally but we can call each other wife or something im not sure what labels 2 use) !!!!YIPPEEE!!!! they also make me so happy 4REAL !!!!!!! :DDDD

HAPPY DAY!