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#screaming crying ripping myself into pieces
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"i have no regrets in this life, but this. that we did not have time. that i did not have a home with you, nesta.
i will find you again in the next world--the next life. and we will have that time. i promise." -acowar p.652
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pr0vincial · 2 months
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tag drop part two .
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dwamitf · 2 years
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no more fucking anything stupid worthless garbage disgusting piece of shit.
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buckets-and-trees · 11 months
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"You are nothing but a toy for me to fuck, little lamb. Now open your mouth for me, or I will break your jaw opening it myself."
👀👀👀
Well... as you know, this escalated quickly.
Title: Sacrificial Fandom: MCU Characters/Pairings: Minotaur!Bucky x Botanist!Female!Reader Word Count: 3.5k
Summary: If it seems too good to be true, it always is. Always. Too bad you had to go to the remote jungles of South America to learn that lesson.
Content/Concept Warnings: DARK, lulled into a trap, human sacrifice, dubious consent/fuck or die, public sex/exhibitionism, size kink, monster fucking, face fucking/oral male receiving, vaginal fingering/fisting, breast worship, rough fucking, possessive/pet, praise kink, dirty talk, cum play, marking, cream pie, choking
Additional Notes: Thoty time with @rookthorne... she's only responsible for enabling me when my monster thirst reared its head. Wicked entry for @buckybarnesevents WEEK ONE of Hot Bucky Summer: "What Should I Wear?" and my third square of @buckybarnesbingo K1 "Fuck or Die."
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When you told your friends, family, and former colleagues about the research grant and fellowship you had been awarded in the weeks leading up to your departure that it was too perfect, clearly somewhere deep in your bones you had known.
Eighty thousand dollars a year for three years, travel covered, visa approved, fully furnished accommodations provided, and a book deal for the discoveries and research studying flora in a largely undocumented and remote part of the jungle on another continent.
No scientist got a deal like that.
The only downside was the isolation of the location. They had electricity and running water, but you would only be able to go into town for internet every few weeks.
But the part of you that had grown up watching Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, LOST, and the deep space missions of Star Trek who had far too many plants in your apartment and in your tiny office at the university had beat back that downside. It was only three years, and after living through the strange isolation of the pandemic, you knew you could manage this where you wouldn’t be isolated from people, just for short stints from your old life.
And though you had good pieces and good people in your life, you were desperate to get away from the suffocating societal expectations you felt like you weren’t living up to while so many others around you were – marriage, kids, white picket fences, career accomplishments, tenured professorships, promotions, raises, overnight influencers, travel vloggers.
This was something no one you knew had ever done.
Everyone raved about the adventure ahead of you.
Everyone had been impressed.
You had conquered in the accomplishments department with this for the year, no question. Your older sister with her third child on the way and your younger brother and his Premiere League football contract could wallow in your shadow.
This was a golden opportunity for a research botanist still in the early years of their career.
Kneeling on the ground in the middle of the jungle with your hands folded in your lap, head bowed, surrounded by a village of people who all should have known better than to follow ancient superstitions, with a dozen or more guns trained on you in nothing more than lingerie, you were living a nightmare.
All of it had been a baited trap.
No one would even question you falling off the grid before it was too late, and even if they did, these villagers could say one day you never came back from the jungle.
And it would be true.
One afternoon and evening, a good dinner, a sleep you’d yearned for thinking it was the jet lag, and then you’d awoken screaming as the first strip of wax had been ripped from your skin to discover you were naked with a half dozen people attending to all aspects of your grooming, preparing you to be their human sacrifice for the beast that lived in the jungle.
You were past the crying and pleading.
The no WIFI had been a lie, too.
Everyone in this small village looked and acted like they lived in the present day except for this one thing.
The belief that if they did not provide the beast his human sacrifice that they would not survive his terror.
“Then why don’t you just leave?” you had implored.
“This is our home, our loved ones are here, our ancestors are part of this place, and,” their leader and the head of the research foundation paused – almost faltered before continuing to explain, “the sacrifice of one stranger will guarantee us safety for many, many years.”
Everyone else had been instructed not to speak or listen to you from that point on in the preparations.
Nails trimmed, buffed, shined. Luxurious oil that smelled delicate and heavenly rubbed over every inch of your skin from the neck down. Hair partially braided to stay out of your face with the rest left natural. Color applied to your lips. They didn’t bother with eye makeup. No jewelry.
You had been wrapped up in a linen garment that was not quite a robe but not quite a coat to be transported to the ruins of an old stone dais in the thick of the jungle but deprived of it and then pushed onto the sacrificial area, left only in the sapphire silk of a bra and panties delicately lined with lace.
After hours being poked, prodded, and prepared by strangers in a strange land in a state of dread and disbelief, you thought you were numb.
You had endured too much to think you were hallucinating, but that you now all waited illuminated by literal torches with fire made this seem almost like a season of Survivor gone horribly wrong.
But then you heard the hushed wave of whispers at the rustle and rumble of something approaching through the thick vegetation of the jungle and adrenaline shot through your veins. It didn’t inspire fight or flight. You were frozen, fixated on the beast that would finally appear and seal your fate any moment now.
It made no attempt at arriving quietly, and when it finally appeared, there were collective gasps and cries from the people gathered to watch the sacrifice, though no sound fell from your lips.
The reaction was more than warranted, and a whisper of a thought flashed through your head that you were surprised no one had screamed. Maybe they were too terrified to scream, worried they would draw the beast’s attention. You wanted to scream, but your chest was gripped in fear.
The thick, furry legs of a bull, down to the cloven hooves, and a girthy tail with a tuft of dark hair at the end, swishing slightly as he walked. There was a loincloth tied at his waist that – rather than providing modesty – inspired anyone whose gaze lingered there to imagine the bulge nudging conspicuously beneath. Not that anyone’s gaze would linger there for long, for the rest of him was altogether imposing. Only the tallest of the villagers might hope to measure up to the base of his sternum – the sternum that anchored the torso of a man with shoulders more than twice the width of a human. Skin golden from the sun stretched over muscles that burst and rippled over his chest and shoulders, extending down his arms. You could see a litany of angry scars littered up and down his left arm.
Great bull’s horns rose and curled out of his head, possibly longer than your own arms. He had a mane of long, glossy but mostly unruly brown hair, with a couple of braids, that fell past his shoulders. Though the rest of his physique inspired fear, the true terror was perhaps the face of this man beast – it was terrifyingly handsome. Strong jaw, stubbled beard, a crease between his brows, and piercing blue eyes. His expression was drawn into an ominous grin.
He was in no rush as he walked into the ring of the villagers.
“Weapons down,” he growled.
There was almost no hesitation – their purpose had been to keep you in place anyway. Though the fear in the air was palpable, the tone of it seemed to be turning to some sort of reverent fear now for everyone else.
What inspired this unquestioned obedience from an entire people? People you’d seen with smart phones as abundantly among them as any other place on earth, though you’d been advised to shut yours down and leave it behind since it would be of next to no use to you in the jungle. They were right – but had left out the true reason and made it even more believable for you to seem only cut off to those back home, not lost and gone forever.
His enormous legs took the step easily up onto the dais, and his eyes were now fixed only on you. He stopped at the foot of the altar where you were presented for him.
“Well done,” this was meant for the people and their leader.
Then he reached out and the fingers of his large hands traced the strap over your left shoulder, then along your jaw, tilting your chin to look straight up at him. “And your choice is set?”
“My – my choice?” your voice cracked, but you felt it was a miracle you even found it.
Your confusion must have been evident, as his eyes flashed with anger and her rounded on the man who had facilitated all of this. “You did not tell her anything, did you?”
“I thought it best if –“
“It is not your job to think. The thoughtlessness of your people is why we’re here at all,” he snarled. Then he turned back to you.
“No time for stories now. I’m a minotaur called Bucky; a lost soldier cursed long ago to this state. Suffice it to say II must be satiated or the village will be subjected to bloodshed and desolation in the face of my wrath. They’ve chosen you, but you can choose your fate: fuck or die. I’ll take your throat, or I’ll cut it and drink your blood in front of everyone.”
Your chest heaved in trepidation. “How is that a choice?”
“Is it not clear to you?”
“Have others chosen death?”
He nodded. “Or they refused to choose.”
You opened your mouth then closed it again.
“Do you wish to die?”
You thought your tears were spent, but you could feel them welling in your eyes. “No.”
“Then claim your choice.”
You took a shaky breath.
“Say it!” he barked.
You flinched, but managed to spit out, “Fuck.”
“Perfect. Open up.”
“In front of everyone?” your voice was barely above a whisper.
He nodded. “They will remember and mark this sacrifice. It will be the reason they continue to breathe.”
You spread your knees a part so you were still kneeling and sitting back on your heels but his to take like this.
“That’s nice but not what I meant.” He tugged his loincloth and dropped it to the ground. You whimpered, afraid of the enormous size of his cock and ashamed at the lick of heat that flared in your core at the sight of him. He leaned down closer, put a hand at the back of your neck, and slapped the side of your face with his rigid length. “You are nothing but a toy for me to fuck, little lamb. Now open your mouth for me, or I will break your jaw opening it myself.”
This drew a handful of muted gasps from the onlookers. You saw a spark of something new in his eyes at this reaction.
He was pleased at their reaction.
You dropped your mouth open for him, nervous knowing you could not take all of him, embarrassed to be on such display in front of these strangers, but wanting to please him.
Wait, you thought, wanting to please him?
He shoved his cock into your wet mouth, shoving any other thoughts immediately out.
“Suck.”
You did.
“Just like that,” he said. The hand on your neck moved up to cradle and command the back of your head. He slowly began to fuck your mouth but with only a small motion, encouraging you to continue sucking just that first bit of cock as it was in your mouth. He still was in no rush. It felt like a power play – not wanting to show impatience or lack of restraint in the onset of this sacrificial claiming.
As he continued to speak now, his voice was low, intended for you. “Get ready for more.”
You looked up at him and tried to nod your head ever so slightly. He smirked, then he brought his other hand up under your jaw and to your throat, wanting to feel himself using you. He groaned and briefly closed his eyes. His tip hit the back of your mouth, and you spluttered. He pulled out slightly, giving you half a moment to recover, then forced the point again, holding himself there while you adjusted. He opened his eyes again, locking back onto yours, and a thrill of terror shot through you again. That was only the preliminary.
Now he would truly begin.
That look was all you got. Keeping the one hand at your throat, the provided the anchor to begin truly fucking your throat, not in a rush, but he picked up the pace. You placed your hands on his thighs to steady yourself. Your muscles initially gagged in protest, but he persisted, stroking your throat with his fingers as well, coaxing you to relax. Tears spilled down your cheeks. You concentrated on breathing through your nose and the steady gaze he kept trained on you. Soon you were taking more of him than you thought you could. He quickened his thrusts into your mouth. Your fingers stretched into the fur on his hips, mewling as he continued to use your mouth.
A few short grunts with the last thrusts were the only hint before he came, shooting his hot spend in your mouth with an unrestrained howl that shook the crowd to their core. There was no way for you to swallow everything, but, if anything, seeing his cum spilling down your chin made him grin.
Then he raised his head to address the villagers. “Remember that you gave this human to me. I will do with her as I please, and you will never see her again. Hope that you never see me again in your lifetime,” his voice carried, his power unquestioned in the clearing. “If you are lucky, the children you left home today will not see me in their lifetimes either. All of you go now. What happens next is not for your eyes.”
They followed his instructions without hesitation, all of them eager to be gone from this cursed place and their collective and ignored shame.
They left the torches – no desire for a souvenir.
And now you were alone with him, the light of the flames flickering over every inch of your exposed skin – which was almost all your skin, the lingerie only for show.
With the hand that was still anchored at the back of your head, he roughly angled you up sharply to look directly up at him, and tipping his own head forward he loomed in all his height above you, a truly searing heat in this look. “I meant what I said: you are mine, and I will never allow those vile villagers to see you again. You’re mine to do with as I please.”
He stooped down to claim your mouth in a kiss. His large thumb brushed the remaining spend from your chin and then moved down your throat to brush it over your collar bone, rubbing it in. He pushed his tongue between your lips, and you opened your mouth for him again. His tongue was too big for your mouth, too, but the more he subjected your body to the largeness of his being, the more you seemed to seep into him. He used his tongue to wrap around and tangle with yours, stroking it with his, now and then slipping it further down your throat, teasing, choking, mimicking the actions of his cock not long before.
When you were truly gasping, he chuckled darkly and pulled away, you leaned forward, lips chasing his, and then you shook your head, trying to restore some logic.
Failing.
Bucky easily tore away your bra with his brute strength. “Lay back for me, lamb.”
You shifted, legs aching from resting on them in that kneeling position for far too long. He noted the care you took in moving your limbs and rubbed the muscles up and down a few times. Then he pulled your hips to the end of the alter, flush against his cock, which was already semi-hard again. You hummed as he pushed against your still-clothed core.
His hands moved from your thighs up your sides, stoking the desire surging through your body, moving up your waist, thumbs brushing up against the underswell of your breasts, then flicking over the nipples, bringing them to little peaks before diving down to lave one of them with his tongue and suck, rolling, twisting, and pinching the other with his hand. Then he moved his mouth, and as he latched on to the other nipple, his hands worked the lace and silk panties off your hips and down your legs before tossing them away. He rutted up against you again, slow but persistent pressure against your core again, but now with no barrier he felt your arousal slicking up your entrance. When you began working your hips against him, seeking more friction, fisting your hands into his hair, he moved a hand between your legs, stroking over your labia and pushing one of his fingers right into your cunt, making you keen immediately from the force and fullness.
“Going to ruin you, lamb, but don’t want to hurt you.” He was brutal, but only because he was a monster by nature, not because he was heartless. “Gotta work your tiny pussy open so you can take me like you were meant to.”
As before, he was patient, making up for the impatience mounting inside you as he worked his fingers into you, circling, questing, stretching, twisting. When he pushed three fingers in he could tell it was a lot, but he knew he needed you to easily receive four if he was going to get to fuck you on his cock the way he wanted. All through it, he was relentless in overwhelming you in other ways, continuing to worship your breasts, but also murmuring praises against your skin, and threatening and promising filthy things that you couldn’t even respond to.
When you were thoroughly primed, aching for him, a mess with tears and begging for him, he finally realigned his hips between your legs, forcing your thighs wide to accommodate him. He bumped the head of his cock against your throbbing clit a couple of times, making your whimper repeatedly. You were lost as you lay splayed out above him, eyes tightly shut, hands reaching for him, desperately pleading his name over and over. He bent down to you again, relishing the feel of your breasts brushing against his chest for one more moment before sinking his cock into your cunt with a brutal thrust, pushing clear to the hilt, making you scream. It was wicked, and he knew it, but also knew how much he had worked up your body and your mind, and he was rewarded as you arched beneath him, and wrapped your arms around his neck, adjusted your hips, and then rocked against him, clearly seeking more.
Holding you at the precipice of pleasure for so long meant you crashed into your first orgasm very quickly as he pushed his cock in and out of your, “tight heat, little lamb, taking me so well,” he cooed. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, shuddering as he fucked your through it, groaning at the feel of your walls around him. “No one else will ever have this cunt now,” he vowed. “You’re mine.”
“Mine,” you echoed without thinking, not knowing it was exactly how he wanted his pet to feel about him. He pushed you over the edge into another orgasm and then spilled his hot seed inside you not long after. You were beyond spent, at that point, and less than a minute after he scooped you up, tucking your legs around his waist, you dropped out of consciousness, and went totally limp. He kissed the top of your head, then shifted you to sling you over his shoulder for the trek to his lair – your home. He’d secure you there, then go back to the get the wooden crate of the belongings you had shipped ahead of you and the bag you had traveled with – both were supposed to be deposited and waiting in a cave, the final part of his negotiations for acquiring his new human from that village and their foolish leader. Humans were delicate creatures with peculiar needs, after all, and he was determined to keep you content and fucked out until you were devoted to staying with him until the end of your days.
But the last hour had exceeded even his own expectations. He suspected he wouldn’t have to try very hard to keep his little lamb.
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NEXT PART: Do You Remember
"haunting thoughts" on Sacrificial for the Dark Forest Fest
brief insight into what reader's life is like now
physical appearance of Minotaur!Bucky
easy and challenging parts of writing the fic
the writing of the story from concept to completion in one night
↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
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hunnylagoon · 2 months
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Candy
PT1: Sober to Death
Ellie Williams x Reader
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I’m home and here to stay like a ghost to haunt. You can’t shake me off your back for I linger in your head like carelessly uttered curse. Summer falls to ashes in my mouth and so I will spit them into your urn, just like that all of my devotion turns violent.
Premise: After a mental break you are being held together by nothing but glitter glue and craft yarn. You seek refuge with an old friend in a coastal town to live the life you thought you left behind.
Warnings: SENSITIVE THEMES / reader is a recovered addict / mentions of drug and alcohol abuse / angst / brief mentions of violence / possibly triggering discussions of drug addiction
Read at your own discretion
Inside me, something seethes. Inside me, some feral animal has been forced into a cage where it thrashes and screams. Perhaps I will turn into a snarling wolf and rip out the throats of each girl who made me go home crying in middle school. Maybe I will don the pelt of a sheep and surprise all of those who convinced me it was a good idea to try ketamine when I shed my cloak and reveal my long curled claws and fangs sharp as knives.
I'm heartless at worst and helpless at best.
I don't know how else to be. I was raised like a stick of dynamite lit from both ends and I can describe in detail how the earth warps beneath my feet or how I watch the sky bend until it snaps and collapses onto a body too tired to lift it back up.
Everything miles ahead of what I was, to them, I was only ever an addict. Cursed with the nickname 'popper' since tenth grade and everyone thought it to be nothing more than a joke they didn't know how I found serenity in the tablet of acid that rested on my tongue. 
It started with pot and drinking on the weekends then flew into full-blown benders when I swallowed back synthetic sunshine like it was candy. None of my friends thought I would end up with my back plastered on my dorm floor, eyes wide with what once was a bottle of pills frothing out of my mouth. 
It took me two overdoses to get here, had to put my white blood cells to work.
"I didn't think you'd be up this early," Joel smiled at me, he was nursing a mug of coffee, a plate in front of him with a half-eaten piece of toast and a golden yoke running onto the porcelain. That might've been my favourite thing about the farm, fresh eggs. Once you have them you can never go back to the sad pale grocery store eggs.
"That makes two of us," I pulled out a chair from the wooden dining table and sat down. Joel had put so much love into this home. These days I’m too nauseous to eat breakfast.
"Ellie doesn't even wake up this early," He took a slug of his black coffee, the scent was strong, filling up the entire house, I could smell it the second I woke up. "How's the room? Is everything to your liking?"
I had felt so guilty for free-loading off Joel whom I hadn't seen since I was twelve, it had been eight years. He sent me cards on my birthday every year but I never was able to grasp how close our parents had been. I'm pretty sure I was friends with Ellie when I was little, there were pictures of the two of us hugging each other and playing beneath sprinklers, my front teeth missing, Ellie covered head to toe in Spider-Man band-aids. I didn't have any recollection of us when we were close, as we got older we got more stiff around each other. When my family would visit, she would hang out with her friends and I would keep to myself. Of course, my parents moved us to the city where everything hit me too hard all at once. "It's perfect, thank you."
"It's pretty hard to peel yourself off that mattress, huh?" Joel smiled at me, showing me every ounce of warmth he had when I was a child.
I nod in response "So much more comfortable than those stiff dorm mattresses," It almost felt like I was making conversation with a ghost.
"Since you're up so early, care for a tour while I do some chores?" He asked. I had been here a few days already, though I just kept to myself I didn't want to impose on his pleasant life with his daughter who hadn't called him at three am sobbing because she had too many opioids. I had wandered briefly around the farm of course and I had remembered bits and pieces of it from my childhood but I felt so out of place that I mainly locked myself inside of my temporary room and lived through my friend's Instagram stories.
"I'd love to," I smile politely, unsure of what else to do. 
 "Do you think you're gonna go back to school?" Joel asked as he stood up with his plate and mug in hand and began to wash them in the stainless steel sink. "No pressure, there's life outside of a lecture hall."
This was a question I had been thinking about day in and day out. I was a year and then some into getting my degree when my 'fun habits' began spiralling uncontrollably. My parents had managed to snag me a two-year deferral so I could go to rehab and go back to school the following year but I was so full of shame that I shook with the thought of going back. For the first time in my life, I am afraid I have no real desires. 
When I was dead inside a motel bathtub, I thought I needed to be somewhere different but now that I'm there, I need to be someone different too. "I'm not really sure right now, just please don't tell my parents I said that."
"Secrets safe with me," He opens a cabinet and pulls out a bag of cat food, shaking it until a scrawny calico cat appears out of thin air. Pepper happily devours the food Joel puts in her little bowl. I remembered Pepper, she was a kitten way back then and I would cut open socks to make clothes for her. "You should just know that it's never too late."
Very early in my life, it was too late. "Thanks, Joel," Not yet a corpse and still I rot like all of my ambitions turn to sludge at my tired feet.
He looks around, exhaling a deep breath, trying to scope out anything else he has to do in the kitchen. "You outta get geared up, I'm gonna wake up Ellie then me and you can get to work."
I nod in agreement even though I'm not sure what he means by 'gear up' so I figure that's just him saying to put on a hoodie and some rain boots. I stand awkwardly by the door, waiting for Joel. Absentmindedly I rock back and forth on my heels hands clasped together. I'm twenty years old but I feel like I'm twelve again, trying to find a place for myself in someone else's life. 
I thought of the last time I was in this house. I was twelve, unaware of the future that awaited me, I had buried a time capsule with Ellie and her cousins somewhere on this property. Writing to my future self, talking about all of the things I should be. If only she saw the brain-rotten zombie that was her destiny.
My parents had told everyone back home I was backpacking across Australia and taking a break from academics to see the world. In the eyes of those who knew me well and were more than aware of what happened, it was a shame to them that I had wasted a sharp brain and a pretty face. It takes a whole lot of strength the endure myself.
It doesn't take long for Joel to walk back down the creaky stairs, Ellie trailing behind him, sleep in her eyes. She's in boxers and one of Joel's old t-shirts, hair still messy and unbrushed. Ellie yawns and gives me a little wave- it wasn't really a wave, just her raising a hand in my direction as an acknowledgment. 
We hadn't spoken much since I got here, I had met her in the past but we didn't know each other. A lot can change in eight years. She wasn't unfriendly toward me, we indulged in small talk and laughed at each other's jokes but each conversation was so shallow I wanted to lay face down and drown in them. 
Ellie goes straight for the fridge, unlike her dad, she pours milk into a sickly sweet cereal which seems cavity-inducing. She was back from college for the summer, taking advantage of her father's love and food. Joel walked over to where I was standing at the door, slipping into his mucking boots. "While you're both here," He says before looking at me "How much do you know about boats?"
I furrow my eyebrows "A good bit I guess?" I answer, figuring he was just trying to rekindle a spark between Ellie and me that had been put out eight years ago by rain, ocean spray, and vodka.
"Y'know, Els," He gestures towards me "This one used to work at her parent's marina, they tell me she's done a couple of repairs and I bet she could give you some pointers on how to fix up that boat." I'm confused by his words, this is the first I've heard about a boat. Joel can see the uncertainty on my face "Her uncle gave her a piece of shit boat last summer before she went back to school, over the year I guess some teenagers thought it was a good hideout and trashed it even more."
"Seriously?" Her head pokes up "It would be great if you could come down with me later, she just needs a little love," Ellie spoons some cereal into her mouth. I had always thought it weird how people spoke about their boats like they were women, I even caught myself doing it on occasion. "Only if you want to, of course."
"Sure," I agree, no idea how much repair this boat was in need of "I've got nothing better to do."
I could tell Joel counted this as a win. I knew he had been commuting with my parents and how desperately they wanted me to keep myself occupied for the summer. "Well, we've got some work to do, kiddo."
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After a solid five hours of following Joel around like a duckling and re-learning all the names of the animals, I was walking with Ellie toward her pickup truck. "Wanna drive?" She asks as we walk to the long beaten driveway
"Oh, I can't." The coolness of the morning has ebbed away into a borderline unbearable heat, I wasn't sure how Ellie was absolutely unfazed in her Jeans, T-shirt, and trucker hat. 
"You never got your licence?"
"No, it got taken away."
She cracks a grin "Jeez, what did you do? Hit a pedestrian?" Ellie teases.
"Something like that," Truthfully, my licence got revoked after I got a DUI and swerved my car off the highway, I was too high to realize the danger I was in and laughed the entire time warm blood pooled from a gash in my head that had to be stapled shut. Luckily my parents can throw money at anything and the problem will go away. 
She hops in the truck, there are little bits and pieces of it that show how it's lived in. A rubber duck with sunglasses sits on the dashboard and I'm partially surprised it hasn't melted in the sweltering heat. 
As beautiful and scenic as the drive down to the docks is, it's also extremely awkward, only on my end, Ellie seems completely unfazed. Travelling down the dirt roads until we finally hit the pavement. 
The salty breeze of Andromeda Cove carries conversations of clubbing and tanning, mingling with the sweet scent of coconut sunscreen and sea salt. Colourful beach umbrellas dot the shoreline. Seagulls glide effortlessly overhead, their calls blending seamlessly with the distant laughter of beachgoers. Quaint shops and cafes line the bustling boardwalk, offering an array of surfboards, souvenirs, and freshly caught seafood delicacies.
The Cove was immune to those gross and bland modern buildings that looked like something I would've made in Minecraft as a kid. Everything down here was local and kept its charm even after all these years. "Do you ever miss it here?" 
"I don't remember much of it to be honest."
"Really?" She asks, taking a turn down to the docks "It doesn't seem like it was that long ago."
"Yeah, my memory just isn't very good." My lungs are burnt and my brain is fried. You could tell me that I was in cheerleading for five years of my life and I would probably believe you. 
"Alright." 
I hadn't remembered her being this quiet but then again I don't remember much, I should probably write down everything I can before Alzheimer's sets in. There are lapses in my mind where memories should live, I recall my life through glimpses.
Ellie takes her keys out of the ignition and hops out of the truck, leading me down the docks. I keep guessing in my head which boat belongs to her and then the second I spot it, I know and how I dread. It's a sailboat or what's left of one, sharpie graffiti scribbled all around it. The word 'wanderlust' had once been titled along the side though the first half was scratched out by what I assume were those teenagers Joel mentioned so it just said 'lust'.
Ellie had no problem climbing aboard, I on the other hand had doubts that it could support the weight of two people, let alone itself. There were chips of white paint scraped off, Ellie motioned for me to get on deck  "How long has this been abandoned?"
She waves me off  "There's freedom that comes with abandonment."
I raise an eyebrow "Sinking in a boat that's docked is a very lame way to die."
"Nah," She says "We can haunt the marina."
She holds out her hand for me to take it and with hesitation, I do. Stepping over the gap between the dock and the boat, I haul myself over the rails. Even in the dark, I could make that climb, it was almost like muscle memory from working at my parents marina summer after summer. "She's a beauty, yeah? In her own special kind of way," Ellie pats the side of the companionway. "I actually made some progress on it last summer, if you can believe me."
"I don't know if I can," I look around, following her as we duck into the saloon.
She reaches for a notebook with a pink sharpie clipped onto it on the table of the saloon and turns to face me "Whoever was here must've been a real wordsmith, what I can't figure out is how the words got out of the notebook and onto my walls." 
I crawl onto the cushioned V-berth to get a better look at all of the writing on the walls. Most of it had been poetry, not Edgar Allen Poe but the kind that only an angsty teenage girl on the verge of a mental break could've written. 
The Statue of Juliette:
May I ask what you have done to women?
That your hands have only learned to harm one
Hand after filthy hand
Is dragged
Groped
Caressed
Prodded
Over my rusted skin
The things I have seen
The things I have endured
No water can clean me
No blanket can warm me
Take a hammer to my bronze flesh
And I will thank you for your kindness
As my body crumbles and clatters against cobblestone
I am eternally grateful
For this is the gentlest act I have ever faced
"I know," Ellie says, and I look back to meet her sharp gaze "A real Sylvia Plath.”
"Is this your candle?" I reach for it on the ground, it's halfway through its life. A vanilla bean bath and bodyworks candle.
She takes it from my hand and gives it a sniff "I was wondering why it smelled so good in here, I just thought that was you." She places the candle back onto the saloon table "So, Neptune's daughter, where should we start?"
I snatch the notebook from the table and flip it open to a page clean of any writing. It takes a little less than fifteen minutes to seek out all of the trouble spots. Ellie followed behind me and nodded to everything that I was saying. 
The boat isn't in nearly as bad of condition as I expected. I suspected that the teenagers who occupied it while Ellie was away at college had all been girls, they took relatively good care of the boat aside from the graffiti, allegedly most of the damage had been there when Ellie got it from Tommy a year ago.
We now sat next to each other in the booth around the saloon table, the ocean rocked the boat beneath us ever so gently, the same way a mother would rock her child's cradle. I missed the sea when I was in college, on a bender I had driven three hours just to be back with it, it seemed the only safe place to let go and be reborn. I liked the sharpness of the air, the vastness of the horizon and the mystery beneath it. I thought I would rise from the seafoam a new woman the same way Aphrodite did but no, I threw up on the sandy shores and called my parents to make it go away.
I give the notebook over to Ellie, a new entry written in bright pink Sharpie amongst the poetry and anecdotes. 
Wanderlust's issues:
Mainsail and jib seem sketchy; Unfold the hoist for a full assessment
Wiring issues are out of my hands but a probable concern-should probably call in an expert
Nav instruments are cracked
Leaks on starboard window, probs cracked moulding
Interior woodwork is original, mainly solid despite a bit of mildew
Graffiti and chipped paint, graffiti likely cleanable (May need a new coat of paint)
Possible rigging issues
Underside? That's a question for the experts
Final Verdict: Wanderlust is a seaworthy vessel in need of some love
Ellie lets out a low whistle "God, I love a girl who knows the difference between a mainsail and a jib." She cracks a mischievous grin.
"You're teetering very close between sexy and crass," I tease her in return.
She seems a little taken aback by my comment, like she hadn't anticipated a response but ignores it nonetheless "What would it take to make you my first mate?"
"I'm sorry?"
"For someone with a bad memory, you seem to know your boats, Joel said that you used to work on charters. You gotta know more about sailing than me. It'll be a fun summer project, get you out of the house a bit."
I furrow my eyebrows as I look at her "You want me to work on the boat with you?"
Ellie nodded. She didn't rush to fill the silence that stretched between us, she didn't bother to sweeten the deal or hunt for some reason I would like working with her. She just let it stand. I looked her in the eyes, trying to figure her out. She goes from being almost non-verbal with me and now she asks me to spend the summer on a boat with her. I wondered if she knew what she was doing at all and if I would be carrying her through this.
I had a feeling that Ellie would become my next bad habit. It's easy to get addicted when everything interests you and nothing satisfies you. "I'm in."
"You won't regret this," Ellie almost jumps up, I swear I could've seen her making calculations in her head "So, I'm thinking we get rid of all this junk and get a good look at it bare bones, make a list of supplies and give her the spa day shes in desperate need of."
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On my second day as first mate, I had been scrubbing away inside of the saloon while Ellie did some work on the exterior, my Scrub Daddy was being put to work. By the time I even made a dent in all of the Sharpie poetry, it was nearly falling apart and begging to be killed.
When I emerged from the companionway to replace my filthy bucket of water I spotted Ellie chatting up a girl on a dock. She had long glossy black hair that cascaded down her back in strategic ringlets. "So you're gonna sail on this thing?"
"Rebuilding her first," Ellie tells her, leaning against the railing. The girl she's speaking to looks like she's freezing, denim shorts cropped high and a white tank top.
"Do you need help?" She smiles and even I'm seduced by it. She has tanned skin that she's clearly been working on and sunglasses pushing back the silky hair from her forehead. "I've been on boats, lots of times," Her arms are crossed over her chest. I can see goosebumps all over her legs from the chill brought to us by the gray sky above and the frigid air. 
"That so?" Ellie asks, rising to her full height. A wrench in hand, it looks like the beginning of a really bad movie, not a family-friendly one. She saw me then, standing behind her. I watched her facade drop. Her smile changed as I approached, turning from flirt to friend in two seconds.
"Oh, hey," The black-haired girl regards me like I'm some kind of threat. "So do you need help or what?" 
Ellie looks at me and then back to her "Thanks for the offer but we're all set."
"Do you maybe wanna grab lunch or something?" She completely ignores me.
Ellie shakes her head "We've got lots of work to do, but-" She takes a deliberate pause and I almost cringe "I'll probably be at the shipwreck later. Stop by if you're around."
"See ya'," She grins and takes the sunglasses off the top of her head, placing them on the nose bridge before walking back down the dock.
"Wow," I dump my bucket of water over the rail of the boat "Looks like super difficult work out here, you are so brave." Sarcasm drips from my tone "Without you, who will flirt with all of the hot girls at the marina?"
"No need to be jealous," She says "I'm spending every waking minute with you after all."
I gave her the evil eye but I truly wasn't jealous. I didn't chase the thrill of a fling or late nights with girls whom I would forget by morning. I had dropped that by college and replaced it with ketamine and opioids, I abused liquor like I was its two-faced love. Now the only thing I chased was calmness. 
I wasn't jealous, just briefly reminiscing over how carefree I used to be. 
The tide was rolling and the sky above us was gray and angry as if something was raging within it. "Shit," I mutter, waves shifting from a distant hiss to a closer hush. The air hung heavy, I hadn't even noticed the change in weather from what seemed like the century I spent scrubbing away in the saloon. 
Ellie must've noticed what I was. "So, I'm thinking we should go?"
"You think?" I retort.
Moments later we're packed and rushing down the dock to find her truck. It doesn't take long for rain to begin to splatter on the ground beneath us, it isn't light and gentle, it's harsh. It sounds like pebbles being tossed onto a sheet of glass.
By the time we reach the truck, I'm soaked, hair sticking to my forehead and neck "You didn't want to poke your head into the saloon and say 'Hey, it's looking like there's gonna be a storm'?" 
"I was a little preoccupied," Ellie isn't much better off than I am, she takes off the flannel she had on top of her tank top and tosses it into the backseat, her tattoo out on full display. The rain is so heavy that everything on the outside of her truck looks like a blur. 
"Can you even drive in this?"
"No, can you?"
"No, I told you I have a DUI," The second the words leave my mouth I regret the slip-up. My eyes go wide and a hand slaps over my mouth, I'm acting like I just told her I was the one who took out JFK.
"You didn't tell me that."
"Well," I look forward, ignoring her piercing gaze, "I thought I did."
If not for the rain outside that pounded against the glass as if it wanted to be let in, we would've sat in complete silence while we drowned beneath all of the words going unsaid. My mind begins to wonder, first I think of the black-haired girl at the docks; I hope she didn't get stuck outside in the rain, especially with her lack of clothing. Then I think about what Ellie's thinking, did she know already? Had Joel told her? I'm humiliated all over again like I'd been when the paramedics dragged my half-naked body out of a bathtub.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks. I don't say anything and she takes this as a hint "We don't have to talk about it."
I'm beginning to grow comfortable with the silence. I almost preferred it to the back-and-forth banter Joel and Ellie constantly had, which was more so father and daughter teasing each other.
Joel had probably known more about me than I did, my parents liked to keep him filled in after all. They just loved to keep tabs on me, if it was legal I'm sure they would put cameras behind my retinas and watch my every move. Eight months ago when I was in rehab, that was the most peace I've ever felt. As much as my parents wanted me clean, they held resentment since I ruined my life and was destroying theirs by association. Joel didn't seem like the type to gossip to his daughter but it nagged at me regardless. "Did Joel tell you anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just-like," I search through my brain to find the words "Like what I've been up to?"
She shrugged "He just said you are on a deferral and need a break from the city."
"Okay," I say, my voice so quiet it was almost smothered by the obnoxious rain. 
"Are you hungry?"
We had thrown on two jackets Ellie had in the back seat of the cars. She offered me Joel's black raincoat while she humbly took the bright yellow rain poncho. It took everything in me not to laugh at her, she looked like Georgie.
Ellie slung one arm around me, we were both hunched over as we ran as fast as we could. She was shouting stuff at me but I couldn't hear her through the rain, I just nodded in agreement and hoped she hadn't said something awful.
She tugged me left, the deluge chasing us into Salty's for cover. It was nearly dead in there, two other tables, one was an elderly couple and the other was a group of girls, laughing like hyenas while one of them showed the others a picture on her phone.
Ellie wasted no time in taking off her poncho and I didn't blame her, no one wanted to be seen in that. The second we settled into a booth by the huge glass window which took up the entire storefront, an over-eager waiter came up. He was tall, had dark hair and had handsome features, he must've been bored with how slow it was in here. "Hey, Jesse," Ellie said "Can I have water and a big-buck burger?"
He nodded and swerved his body to look at me, "Alright and for you-" He looked up from his notepad and paused for a moment before a huge smile cracked on his face "I haven't seen you in so long!" 
"Hi," I smiled, my mouth hanging openly awkwardly as I tried to recall him.
"Do you remember me?" He asked, his hand dropping to his side "Jesse," He reminded "We used to go to school together."
I had no idea who he was "Oh my god, yes!" I say "I remember."
His smile grows "God, you look so different."
"You too," I gesture at him "You're way more-" My mind falls flat "Grown."
He nods along to my words "Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"
Wanting this conversation as soon as possible I nod despite not even opening the menu “Yeah, I'll just get the, uh, big-buck and a club soda.” I repeated Ellie's order.
He jots it down onto his notepad "It'll be right up."
"Ellie, I don't know who that is," I say when I see him retreat to the server station to fill in the order. The entire restaurant is nautical-themed, the walls painted black, and there were nets with faux fish covering every square inch of the ceiling.
"Wow, I had no idea," She says, sarcastically "Damn, your memory really is fucked." 
Trust me, I know or at least I think I do. I disregard her comment "Water? Don't you wanna get rootbeer or something? Joel said you drink so much soda that your blood is made of corn syrup."
She grins "Gotta keep up the tough guy act."
Across the restaurant one of the girls waves to Ellie, this one has curly brown hair and a sundress "Hi, Ellie!"
Her eyebrows furrow "Hey there-um...you," Ellie said "Good to see you again."
The girl smiles slyly at Ellie before turning back to her friends. "Looks like I'm not the only one forgetting people, what's your excuse?"
"There's a lot of girls in the world, I can't remember all of their names."
"You must've gone through every girl in the cove, power to ya'," I say "No idea you had such a reputation."
"You don't know a lot about me."
I shrug "You know even less about me."
"I bet I could guess."
"Be my guest."
She leans back like she's carefully considering her next words, choosing them very wisely before she finally settles "You picked a major like communications and got bored quickly, decided you needed to do some soul searching. Probably read 'Eat, Prey, Love,' then went on a backpacking trip, expenses paid by your parents. Alternatively, you lived in a van and pretended to be a broke hippie."
I shook my head "Very cliche and you were only right about one thing."
"What?"
"I got bored quickly," The rain outside was failing to cease. Across from me, it looked like Ellie was calculating my every move. Her auburn hair was still wet, and from her hairline, a droplet of water dribbled down onto her button nose to rest on her cupid bow.
"Can I have a hint then?"
"No."
I see a realisation hit her "You partied with frat guys?"
I shook my head "I've always been too cool for them." I wasn't too cool for them, I was too fucked up to even know they were throwing a party until someone verbally informed me, by that point all I've ever done at a frat party was break in through a window and steal a keg like the disgusting fiend I was. It was nothing to be proud of, my friends thought it was hilarious and posted it on their Snapchat stories, egging me on and feeding into this sickening behaviour. What wasn't funny was how I got caught and winded up with a busted lip and broken rib. With pupils the size of my iris, I couldn't feel the pain I was in.
"Okay, now you have to tell me."
"I can't, I lose my mysterious allure."
The bell above the door chimes signalling the arrival of another customer and said customer makes a b-line for our table. She takes a seat next to Ellie "Jesse texted me that you were here.”
"Dina, were you at work?" Ellie furrows her eyebrows.
"Yeah, it's not like anyone's buying souvenirs right now and Jesse told me you finally came back," She whips her head to look over at me.
I genuinely remembered her, unlike Jesse. She had buried the time capsule with Ellie, her family and I. I also recalled how her older sister used to give us hand-me-down clothes. "Dina, hi."
She has freckles scattered across her face the same way that Ellie does. Her smile was so comforting, I forgot that I was soaked to my bones and shivering. "Well we should all do something together tonight," Dina grins "You're doing Ellie a huge favour by helping her fix that rig, she better give you some good head for it."
I almost choke on my saliva while Ellie just groans with disappointment like she had anticipated Dina saying something along those lines "D, you can't say that stuff around every girl I'm with, this is essentially my sister for the summer."
Dina raises her hands in defence "Sorry, my bad, I was unaware since you failed to mention that you have my old friend living with you." Ellie looks like she's going to say something but Dina speaks up again before she has the chance to "Let me give you my number."
Wordlessly, I hand my phone over to Dina who fills out her contact information and then gives my phone right back to me. I study Dina's face and her mannerisms, hoping that something might bring me back to my childhood which has been wiped away by every upper and downer you could put a name to. Something about her seemed familiar, maybe we had been closer friends than I thought.
I nod along to whatever she and Ellie are saying, chiming in random bits of dialogue but my mind is stuck on the two of them side by side. They're what I could've been if my family never moved us away and I hadn't turned my brain into sludge.
The life I could've had.
 Ellie smoked from what I knew, maybe Dina or Jesse were into something a little more hardcore. Hardcore? If hardcore qualifies as drowning in a concoction of cough syrup, Vicodin, codeine, and Gatorade to balance out the flavour of self-destruction. The bottles I swallowed to sleep, I showed up to almost every lecture high. Here I was handed what was nearly a good life and I tossed it away for something with a sweeter taste than a stable job and proper education.
The horrors I've committed. No good deed will ever outdo the bad that I have unleashed upon this godforsaken earth. From my clouded brain, paralyzing thoughts come to life to curse myself, the nightmare no mother would wish for her child to endure. 
Relapse after relapse, I would fall sick with the thought of how many times I had to relapse until I was finally clean and that bitter flavour washed from my mouth.
"Are you okay?" Dina asks with a smile and furrowed brows "We kind of lost you there."
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It's one in the morning and I want to drink wine then slip beneath the rapid waters that will gladly pull me under and claim me as theirs.
Instead, I opt for a class of water. As Dina had said earlier, she wanted to get a bunch of friends together but the second we got home, I showered and locked myself away. Echoes of laughter and chatter drifted through my window.
I slip down the steps that lead to the kitchen. Outside the rain has finally dissipated and Ellie, Dina, Jesse, along with a handful of people I don't know crowd around a bonfire. The kitchen is illuminated only by moonlight, the moon hung over me as I poured myself water from the tap, a dead thing over a dying thing. 
I have seafoam in my veins and centuries-passed sunshine that induces my craving for some pills that will put me to sleep. Three months completely clean and yet that doesn't end the yearning for the drugs that comforted me more than any human ever had. 
The door cracks open and in comes Ellie, she's laughing and from the uncontrollable giggles, drowsy gaze, and slightly disoriented walking I can tell that she's been smoking. "Hey," She smiles at me, reaching passed me to grab a mug with Garfield on the front and fill it with water but she doesn't take a sip, she just sits it down on the counter behind us and stares at me.
Our faces only inches apart, I contemplate her next move. This close I can smell the marijuana on her and I almost want to scuttle upstairs and light a candle. Ellie hugs me, wrapping her arms around my midriff and letting her head find its resting place in the crook of my neck "Are you okay?"
"Mhm" She hums "I'm just glad you're here, whatever the circumstances are, I'm happy that you're helping me with the boat," I'm carrying almost her full way, and she's slouched against me "I love you man, I know you don't remember a lot from when we were kids but we had a lot of fun together."
"Thanks, Ellie," I give her a little pat on the back "That's really nice of you."
She peels herself away from me, using the counter to lean against instead. She looks me up and down, having an intense staring contest with my pyjamas "Do you wanna come out and smoke with everyone?" She's shed her tank top and thrown over a gray hoodie to shroud her from the oncoming cold.
I shake my head, no "I don't mess with that stuff."
"That's smart," She says "Have fun in your room, stowaway, I'll see you tomorrow to work on our boat," With that Ellie leaves without grabbing the Garfield mug she came in here for.
A/N: Hey, y’all. I’m aware I have a million open docs, I assure you they are all getting some love but I needed to come back to my roots and write some angst. These are some issues I have struggled with and I feel that it’s important to bring attention to it so it’s not taboo.
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lendeah · 4 months
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My first fanfic post! Hope you enjoy it, and feel free to share any requests💌
THE GRAVE SCENE™️
Summary: You know the summary😈 A reimagining of the infamous grave scene.
Pairing: Astarion x Fem!Tav
Word count: 4.9k
Warnings: + 18, NSFW, dom!Astarion
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The morning after the battle with Cazador, the heaviness in my limbs felt like weights, my muscles aching and sore from the physical exertion of the fight. But it was the weight on my heart that was truly crushing, each beat feeling like a burden too heavy to bear. Astarion wasn't in the camp, as he had rushed out after killing his former master, needing to be alone to process the turmoil within him. The image of his primal screams as he repeatedly buried the blade into Cazador's chest was burned into my brain, haunting me with every breath. As I watched helplessly with my companions, Astarion was torn apart piece by piece, both physically and emotionally. I knew that sound would haunt me in my worst nightmares for years to come.
At that moment, my fingers longed to reach out and comfort him, but deep down I knew it would be more for my own benefit than his. So I remained still, my hand held tightly by Shadowheart's as I had to witness to the man I loved being ripped appart. I didn't shed a tear when Astarion screamed at me in rage and pain, didn't cry when he refused to come back to camp that night. But as soon as the moon rose high in the sky and everyone else fell asleep with somber looks in their eyes, I allowed myself to finally break down.
I sobbed and screamed into my pillow, releasing all of the pent-up emotions that threatened to consume me. My heart felt heavy with grief and guilt. I had been so caught up in trying to protect everyone and defeating Cazador, as well as our other enemies that I didn't realize how much Astarion was struggling with his past. I should have paid more attention, should have reached out to him sooner. His hunger for power was no secret to me, but as he begged and cried in front of me, I almost caved. Even though I stood by my decision of not helping him ascend, a part of me felt guilty for taking the choice away from him, much like how Cazador had done.
The sun had long since set and another day had passed, but still I remained in bed, cocooned in my sheets with only the sound of my own sobs to keep me company. The weight of the world seemed to press down on me as I lay there, until with a heavy sigh, I finally mustered the strength to sit up. With trembling hands, I wiped away my tears. It was time to face Astarion, to offer him whatever comfort and support he needed. Even if it meant braving his anger or facing his rejection.
The darkness of the night surrounds me as I step out of my tent, the moon casting a pale light across the campsite. I can see Astarion's tent in the distance, a small flicker of light coming from inside. The only sound is the soft crunching of leaves and twigs under my feet as I make my way across the place. My hands tremble slightly as I reach out to pull back the flap of Astarion's tent. When I take my first step inside, I notice it is lit by a single flickering lantern, casting shadows on the canvas walls. The dim light revealed the scattered remnants of broken objects, and in the center of it all, I can see Astarion sitting cross-legged on a bedroll, his eyes red and puffy from crying.
At first, I think he hasn't noticed me, but then he turns to me with a wistful expression "I should probably start getting used to the shadows again. Who knows how long I have left in the sun?" He says, his voice rough. The thought tightens my chest and I resist the urge to reach out and hold him
"Don't say that" I reply softly "we could still find a way to control the tadpole."
I take a seat beside him on the bedroll, being careful not to startle him.
"Maybe, but even if I could control it, it's a dangerous game. I'd spend every day waiting for something to go wrong." He says, his eyes filled with sorrow. "For the tadpole to find some new trick, reassert itself, and make me a slave again. Maybe never seeing the sun again is just the price of freedom." he finishes, his voice cracking with emotion. Seeing him so broken shatters my heart into a million pieces.
"I'll be with you either way." I reach out slowly, my fingers trembling as I grasp his hands, trying to convey my feelings through touch. "I hope you know that," I whisper, my voice barely above a breath.
He looks at me, his face softening as he takes in my expression. His guarded walls seem to crumble, revealing a vulnerability I hadn't seen before.
"I think I do." He says, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth ",assuming we survive, of course. Because a horrible death is always just around the corner with you." His lips curl up into a mischievous smile and his eyes sparkle with amusement. I can't help but grin back at him. His hand gently squeezes mine, sending a reassuring warmth through my fingers. We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, enjoying each other's company.
But then, his face takes on a more serious tone. "There's... something I'd like to show you, if that's all right? Something out in the city."
I frown "What is it?"
"Something I haven't shown anyone else." he says with a shy secretive smile.
"Oh, how mysterious" I reply teasingly "Fine, I'll come," I say, making sure to play up my casual indifference.
We step out of the tent and into the night, as he silently takes me along the city, and I let myself be guided into the dark streets of Baldur's Gate. The city is alive, even though it's around midnight, streets buzzling with the sounds of merchants haggling, people drinking, and horses trotting. It's a stark contrast to the darkness and sadness that had filled the tent just moments ago.
He takes me through narrow alleyways and side streets, navigating through the crowds with ease, as if he has made this way many times before. Finally, we come to a halt in front of the metal fence doors of a... Cemetery?
His usual playful demeanor is gone. I can feel the weight of each step, every breath I take as I follow him deeper into the eerie silence of the place. The moonlight casts a ghostly glow upon the rows of tombstones, echoing through the stillness of the night. The graveyard is appropriately silent - there isn't a proverbial soul around.
I raise an eyebrow, looking at Astarion with confusion and skepticism "A little stereotypical, don't you think?" I joke, breaking the silence.
"Perhaps, but some things are classics for a reason." he replies.
As we walk through the space between graves, I can feel the weight of death around us. We stop in front of a worn tombstone, looking really neglected. My heart drops, as I comprehend the reason why we are here. I watch Astarion as he kneels down and wipes away the layers of dust and dirt, revealing the name more clearly. Astarion Ancunín.
"Nearly two hundred years and I never came back." he says, his voice heavy with emotion. "Not since the night I woke up down there. I had to punch a hole in the coffin and claw my way through six feet of dirt. Then when I finally broke the surface, retching up dirt and congealed blood, Cazador was waiting. From that day on I was his." His face contorts as he recalls the memory. "Until today." He ends, in a whisper.
I slowly place a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer some sort of comfort. "You were never his. Whatever he had, he took it by force" I say, looking deep into his red eyes.
"Maybe, but he did take it. There is almost nothing left of the person I was. Just a name on a rock" He adds with sorrow. "For nearly two centuries I stalked the Streets like a ghost while the person I was lays here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am, what I want." A small smile plays on his lips as he meets my gaze, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"And, what do you want?" I ask, my heart fluttering with excitement.
He stays silent for a few seconds, and then
"You... I want you." he finally confesses, his voice raw with vulnerability. Another moment of silence follows "You were by my side through all of this. Through and pain and missery. You were patient. You cared. You trusted me when that an objectively stupid thing to do." He pauses, swallowing hard before continuing. "I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that."
My chest constricts at his words, my eyes watering a little. I had always felt a strong connection with Astarion, but hearing him express his feelings so openly and honestly makes my heart swell. Astarion's face is illuminated by the moonlight, his red eyes sparkling with emotion and his lips turned up in a small smile.
"You won 't." I whisper, my voice laced with determination. "Whatever comes next, I've got you." I say, as my hand reaches out to cup Astarion's cheek, feeling the soft edges of his skin.
"Thank you" he says softly, and after a beat, he looks at the gravestone again "Well, I should probably fix this"
The metal glints in the moonlight as he carefully carves a new date on the stone, marking the beginning of a new chapter in his life. Astarion kneels over the damp, musty earth, his eyes focused on the gravestone in front of him. The moonlight casts a soft glow on his face, emphasizing the lines of determination and sorrow etched into his features. As the vampire gets silently lost in his thoughts, I am struck with an idea, a simple yet touching gesture. I search around until I find what I'm looking for, and I pick a small flower from the ground. I slowly kneel next to him, and place it gently on the grave, adding a splash of color to the otherwise shadowy scene.
A small smile spreads across his face when he notices, "Cute" he says, the word rolling off his tongue like a caress. With a sigh, he follows "I've been dead on the ground for long enough. It's time to try living again" He turns his body to me, reaching for my hands and holding them tightly in his. "With everything that life has to offer"
My heart stutters at the implication of his words.
"Meaning...?" I ask, trying to sound coy. A mischievous smirk plays on his lips as he leans in closer and whispers,
"If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded" His words send shivers down my spine, and I laugh, feeling a surge of desire mixed with anticipation.
"Sounds good to me" I whisper back, my voice filled with playful allure.
He brings a hand to my cheek, stroking it lightly, "You know, I didn't care for you when we first met. But I do now. Being with you is about more than lust or manipulating you into a tactical alliance." He pauses, steady gaze locked onto mine. "I love you." he breathes "I love this. And I want it all"
My heart is about to burst out of my chest, tears threatening to flow out of my eyes. There is only one thing I want in that moment, as I lean in slowly, my lips meeting his in a soft kiss.
"I love you too" I confess against his mouth. The moon shines down on us as Astarion's lips press against mine. It is a gentle kiss, filled with love and longing. I reach back, running my fingers through his white strands. My heart swells with emotion as I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Astarion's hands move down to my waist, pulling me even closer as our bodies melt together in the cool night air.
Our kiss intensifies, becoming more passionate and urgent. Astarion's tongue dances with mine, exploring every inch of my mouth. I moan into the kiss, feeling pure pleasure coursing through my body. Then, he lays back for a moment, and looks at me with a fire in his eyes I have never seen before. With a wicked smile, he pushes me down onto the dirt of his own grave, and my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. His red orbs flash with raw desire as he hovers above me. Astarion's lips descend upon mine again, my fingers finding their way into his curls again, his skin warm against my own.
The moon casts its silvery glow over us, illuminating our passion in the eerie quiet of the cemetery. Every sensation heightened, every touch more intimate, as we surrendered to the ecstasy of the night.
As Astarion's lips trail down my neck, and I shiver with desire, my heart pounding erratically. He kisses my neck, my collarbone, my chest - wherever he can reach, with slow, deliberate moves. He slowly pulls away, staring into my eyes with a fierce intensity, as his hand trails down my cheek, his fingers tracing the line of my jaw. Suddenly, I am aware of how long it has been since our last encounter, when he asked me to keep things non-sexual for some time.
"Are you sure about this?" I whisper , concern lacing my words "We don't have to rush it if you are still not ready".
His eyes darken at my words.
"I'm more sure than ever," he replies, voice barely above a breath. With that, he leans in again, his lips crashing into mine. I can feel the urgency in it, the hunger that courses his body as he claims me.
With nimble fingers, Astarion swiftly undresses me as if it were an art form. My heart races with anticipation as his eyes drink in every inch of me.
He lowers his lips to my neck, trailing soft kisses down my throat to my collarbone. I tangle my fingers in his hair, silently begging for more. But instead of his usual fangs piercing my skin in hunger, he showers me with gentle kisses, each one making me shudder. My skin prickles with goosebumps as Astarion's fingertips trace over every inch of my exposed flesh, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through me.
Astarion's lips trail down my chest, his hands exploring every curve and dip of my body. I can't hold back the moans that escape my lips as he kisses and nips at every sensitive spot he finds. He looks up at me from the spot between my legs, and I swear it's the most sensual sight I've seen in my life: his lips swollen and glistening with the taste of mine, his hair tousled and his cheeks flushed with passion.
"My god, you are breathtaking" I say under my breath.
He chuckles, warm breath brushing against my inner thighs. "I'm well aware".
And then he dives in. His tongue darts out to taste me, lingering on my most sensitive spots, swirling and teasing me to the point of insanity. I arch my back, trying to push deeper into his mouth as the pleasure builds, my heart pounding in my chest. I moan his name, the sound lost in the cemetery's silence. My body trembles with the pleasure, my muscles tensing and then relaxing, over and over again. I can feel Astarion's hands on my thighs, his fingers slowly massaging the insides of my legs.
"Astarion," I breathe, my voice barely audible over my own gasps and moans. "I need more."
He looks up at me, his eyes filled with passion and hunger. His lips curl into a smirk.
"How do we ask?" he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
With a wicked grin, Astarion lowers his head again, his lips brushing against me, tasting me, teasing me. I shiver with anticipation, my body responding to his every touch. I grip the dirt beneath me, as my heart pounds hard in my chest.
"P-please" I cry out.
Astarion's lips curve into a smirk at my plea, his fingers trailing down my thighs as he continues to kiss and nip at my skin, but not where I want him most. "Please what, my dear?" he asks in a low voice, his breath hot against my skin.
I bite my lip, trying to catch my breath as I struggle to form coherent words. "I...I want..." I stammer.
And then, he thrusts two fingers inside me. I cry out, my body jerking in response. Astarion's fingers move in and out of me, his thumb pressing against my clit in a slow, rhythmic motion.
"You meant this, right?" He asks, his voice low and husky. I can only bring my hands to his hair and give it a sharp tug in response. At this, Astarion lets out a low groan, his mouth working harder. His fingers continue to move inside me, his pace increasing as my body responds to his touch. I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, my mind consumed with nothing but pleasure.
I arch my back, pressing myself against him, wanting more of him. Astarion's free hand moves up to cup my breast, teasingly pulling at my nipple and squeezing it as he continues to thrust his fingers inside of me. The combination of sensations is almost too much for me to handle, my head going dizzy and vision blurry. I can feel him everywhere.
"Please," I beg again, my voice hoarse with desire.
Astarion pulls his fingers out of me and I whimper at the loss of contact. But before I can protest, he guides me into a sitting position and kneels in front of me, slowly getting out of his clothes. I take my time to admire his lithe body, the planes of the muscles decorating his chest and stomach. He gazes up at me with darkening eyes before leaning in to kiss me passionately.
His hands roam over my body while our tongues dance together in a heated frenzy. I can taste myself on his lips and it only adds to the intensity of the moment.
He pulls me into his lap, and when I lower my gaze, I see that I wasn't the only one affected by his ministrations. His arousal is evident against my thigh, and a shiver runs through me at the thought of what's to come.
My hands glide over his strong shoulders, running to his back, feeling the ripple of his muscles and the scars beneath his skin as he continues to explore every inch of my body. His breath hitches, latching his mouth to my neck and sucking hard. Then, he reaches my breasts, taking one of them into his mouth, flicking his tongue over the hardened nipple while massaging the other with his hand. I moan loudly at the sensation, arching my back to offer more of myself to him. Astarion's hand travels down my stomach and between my legs as he continues to suck and tease at my hardened nub. His fingers trace over my folds before delving inside once more.
I gasp at the feeling, pleasure coursing through me as he sets a steady pace with his fingers. His mouth now moves to my other breast, giving it just as much attention while still pleasuring me below. The combination is almost too much for me to handle and body trembles with ecstasy as Astarion brings me closer and closer to release.
But just when I think I can't take it anymore, he removes both his mouth and fingers from me. When I look back at him, his eyes are hooded with lust, and he has a devilish smile over his lips, showing his canines.
I whimper "Stop teasing".
Astarion chuckles at my plea, his eyes dark with desire. "But teasing you is so much fun," he says, his voice husky.
I pout at him, but deep down I know I am enjoying every moment of this game between us.
"Fine" he says finally "No more teasing", and he smirks again. Then he grabs my body effortlessly and turns me into his gravestone on my hands and knees. "Hold on tight, sweetheart," he commands with a mischievous glint in his eye. Goosebumps spread across my entire body, but I can't decipher if they are from excitement or fear. As I place my hands on the tomb, I feel the coolness of the stone against my skin, it's rough edges. I lay my eyes on the new carvings, the name in it, a bittersweet irony washes over me as I realize that this place, where he took his last breath, is now a site of new beginnings and life, and the profanation of his tomb doing nothing but stir me on.
I feel him position himself behind me, his hands roughly grabbing my hips and pulling me back against him. The tip of his erection presses against my entrance, and I can't help but shiver in anticipation.
I feel him leaning above my body "Are you ready?" he whispers in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine.
"Yes," I breathe, my voice barely audible. I'm still trembling with desire, but I'm ready for him.
With one swift movement, Astarion thrusts inside me, filling me completely. My breath catches in my throat as he fills me with his thickness, and I moan out loud in pleasure and pain. He pulls out almost all the way, then thrusts back in, deep and hard. My hands grip onto the gravestone, my nails digging into it as I try to hold on to something, anything, to ground myself.
"Harder," I plead, my voice shaky.
Astarion obliges, his thrusts becoming faster and harder.
"You like that, don't you?" He groans.
I can feel every inch of him inside me, stretching me and filling me completely. Astarion's hands move from my hips to my breasts, squeezing and massaging them roughly. I arch my back, pushing myself against him as he hits just the right spot inside me and I whine loudly. Astarion's pace starts to become erratic, his breathing heavy against my neck. His hand reaches between my legs again, massaging my clit as he continues to thrust inside me like crazy. The combination is mind-blowing and I can feel myself feeling so close to ecstasy. By now, I'm sure I am drooling over the ground beneath, but I can't bring myself to care.
"Come for me," Astarion growls, his voice low and commanding.
With his words pushing me over the edge, I explode in a wave of pleasure, screaming his name as I ride out my orgasm. Wave after wave of  pleasure courses through my body, making me shake like crazy, and I know if I wasn't grabbing the stone, I would be on the floor by now.  Astarion's hands are caressing my back as I come down from my high, and I feel him hard inside of me still. For a second, I think this is going to be it, but Astarion isn't finished yet. He eases himself out of me, his touch gentle as he lays my body down on the cool dirt beneath us. His lips meet mine once again, but this time the urgency is mixed with tenderness and a hint of vulnerability. Astarion pulls away slightly, his breath ragged as he stares into my eyes, his while curls tickling my face.
"You're mine," he growls, his voice barely a whisper.
I look into his eyes, filled with love and passion, and I know without a doubt that I am his. I smile up at him, reaching to stroke his face.
"Yes, I am" I say, my voice just as soft.
He slowly pushes inside me once more, grunting and keeping our eyes locked. My body is sensitive after my first orgasm, and I let out a hiss in response.
"Say it" he grunts "say that you are mine".
My breath catches as Astarion continues to thrusts into me, the overwhelming sensations of pleasure overcoming any lingering sense of sensitivity.
"I am yours," I pant, my voice filled with devotion and longing. A slow smile spreads across Astarion's face, and he leans down to capture my lips in a passionate kiss. He then lowers his mouth and sucks hard on the skin below my ear, and I know I will arrive bruised at the camp. The thought of our companions knowing should ashame me, but it only excites me. Being marked as his.
"Mine" he repeats, and with a feral growl, Astarion thrusts into me with renewed vigor.
My body responds, arching and undulating beneath him, my nails dig deep into the flesh of his back, marking him as mine as well. He grabs my hands, intertwining our fingers as we move together in perfect harmony. His movements become slow and deliberate, the moment turned intimate.
"I love you," I whisper, my voice hoarse from the intensity of everything.
Astarion's eyes lock onto mine, and I see the depth of his love and devotion for me there. "I love you, too," he says. Astarion's movements become more desperate as he chases his own release, but never breaking eye contact with me, like he wanted to memorize every detail of my face, to etch it into his memory forever.
As he feels himself nearing his climax, he reaches down and grabs the back of my thighs, pulling me even closer to him and teasing where our bodies are connected. The sensation of his rough hands on my skin sends hard shivers of pleasure up my spine.
"Look at me," he commands, his voice gruff with desire. "Look at your master".
The word makes something primal awakens in me, leaving me dizzy with desire, as I look up to meet his gaze. Astarion's eyes are locked onto mine as he drives himself deeper inside me, our bodies rhythmically colliding with a loud smacking noise that fills the silence of the graveyard.
"I love you," he groans once again, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps.
I can feel my own climax building, my body responding to his every thrust. The sensation of being filled by Astarion, knowing that he is mine and I am his, is unlike anything else in the world.
"Come for me, darling," he groans, his eyes never leaving mine.
With one final push, I feel myself shattering into a thousand pieces, my orgasm washing over me like a tidal wave. I cry out his name, my voice echoing through the ancient ruins around us. Astarion's own climax hits him like a freight train, his body convulsing as he pours himself into me. I feel his seed filling me, and a wave of warmth washes my body as I revel in the sensation.
For a moment, I simply lay there, basking in the afterglow and the feel of his sweaty body pressed against mine. Then, slowly, I gently run my fingers through his hair, smiling tenderly at him. He trails soft kisses over my shoulder, leaving goosebumps over my skin.
"I'm yours," I whispered, my voice barely above a whisper. "Forever."
Astarion shows a delighted smile that radiated from deep within him, and he pulls me close.
"Thank you" He whispers hoarsely.
I furrow my brows and look up at him. "What for?"
He looks down, and I think I see a hint of embarrassment color his cheeks "For being with me, despite everything." he says "For loving me even if I'm nothing more than a spawn"
I give a soft kiss to the skin below his throat "I don't love you for your power, Astarion" I say softly "or your beauty or your abilities. I love you for you, because you deserve to be loved"
He seems to get a little emotional at that, but only holds me closer to his body and keeps caressing my back.
After a few minutes in comfortable silence, he leans down and whispers in my ear, breath warm against my skin. "I didn't know you could be so obedient"
I turn my head to look at him, a mischievous smile forming on my lips. "I didn't know you liked me being obedient," I reply, teasingly.
Astarion chuckles and pulls back slightly to look me in the eyes. "Oh, sweetheart," he says with a smirk. "There are so many things you don't know about me."
Without warning, Astarion pulls out of me slowly, and with a satisfied grin, he helps me to sit up and leans in to kiss me tenderly.
"As much as I enjoyed this new begginings graveyard fretting, this place is giving me the creeps" He says, looking around at the dark and eerie background. "Let's go home”
We gather our clothes and begin to dress, but not before we take a moment to relish in the warmth and safety that we found in each other. As we walk away from the ancient ruins, hand in hand, we can't help but smile and think to ourselves that maybe, just maybe, we found more than just a new beginning in the depths of that old, dark place.
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lunajay33 · 2 months
Text
New World🍂Part.10
Summary: You grew up in a crappy town with one friend who kept you going, everything started to fall into place, that’s until the world ended and the dead ruled the world, now you and your best friend Daryl Dixon had to stay alive but will you finally confess?
Warnings: This chapter contains light sh if you’re not comfortable don’t interact
Part.9
•Masterlist•
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I tried to go through the day like normal, working around the prison, helping where I can especially with Judith, having her in my arms gave me a little piece of what I had in my dreams, imagining her as Daryl’s and mine, Daryl brown hair, gorgeous light blue eyes, one that I could coddle at night and claim her as my own, but that dream was ripped away when someone would come and take her for their turn watching her
Maggie had came a few minutes ago and taken her gently from my arms, it felt like my heart would pull away with her everytime, and now what? I just go on like usual with this pain consistently play over in my head, I want that baby, I want her with me, I want Juniper to grow up and be happy but it’s not real and it might never be
I decided to go out to hopefully clear my head a bit, get some fresh air, I saw Daryl’s bike and sat on it as opposed to the hard dirty ground, I looked through the field seeing Daryl and Glenn and Carol taking down some walkers at the fence, he was so amazing everything he’s done, all the memories of him trying to cheer me up even as a kid and I knew he’d be great with a baby but he said we can’t and I don’t wanna push him but keeping this feeling to myself is unbearable I just need to cry about it, and I needed him to help me get over this intense sadness that plagued my mind
Daryl came walking up to the prison once they took out the majority of the walkers, noticing me on his bike
“Yer looking pretty there sunshine” he said running his hand through my hair
“Can I talk to you?” I asked playing with the ends of his sleeveless shirt
“M’kay” he grumbled as he took my waist moving me further back in the bike so he could sit facing me, a weird seating situation but it wasn’t uncomfortable and him being close helped, he placed his hands on my thighs and rubbed reassuringly
“What’s going on?” And that question let damn that was holding my tears back, break wide open, I was a blubbering mess
“Sunshine yer scarin me” he said bringing my head into his chest
“Remember how I asked you yesterday about kids?” I finally managed to say
“Ya”
“I had a dream….where we had our little life together, I was home after teaching waiting for you to come home, I had made your favorite meal and when you got home I cleaned all the dirt and oil off you, then me you and our little baby girl had supper together, and I was so happy Daryl she was beautiful she looked just like you…..her name was Juniper, but then you told me none of it was real and…….and we’d never get to have that life together, that it was ripped away from us before we even got a chance” I was hiccuping and I knew I was screaming crying that other could hear, it just hurt so much
Daryl was now holding my face looking me in my red eyes from crying so hard
“It hurts, I wanted so much with you, I dreamed of it everyday when we were younger until this stupid shit ruined it, I just wanted you to be happy with me for once”
“Baby, I love ya, yer the only thing I ever need, I won’t lie and say I never thought of that life with ya cause I have, ta have a family and grow old together, but I still have ya and ya still have me, ya can’t give up on us cause we’re lucky we managed ta survive together and I didn’t lose ya, I’m sorry baby” he said his voice wavering
“I’m sorry I’m being so dramatic D, I just needed to talk about it” he leaned in and kissed my tears away then my lips
“Ya don’t gotta be sorry and it ain’t dramatic, yer my girl but I promise ya we’ll be happy again, I’m happy where ever ya are”
“You’re my home Daryl, I love you”
“I love ya too”
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That night I slept a bit better, knowing I would have Daryl there with me when I woke up, I still wasn’t going to give up hope that one day we still might get that dream but for now I’m happy I atleast have Daryl here who somehow still loves me
~2 weeks later~
A lot of things happened over two weeks, Maggie and Glenn got taken by this guy named to governor and now a few of us were going to get them with the help of this woman named Michonne, we were able to get them out and now we were on the side of the road taking a break
“Merle is not coming home with us” Glenn groaned
“We can’t leave ‘im” Daryl said
“Do you know what he did to us, he’s not coming”
“Then I’m going with him” Daryl said standing next to Merle
“I’m going with you too then” I said going over to him
“Nah yer stayin at the prison yer safe there” he said squeezing my shoulders
“No daryl please don’t leave me” I said feeling my stomach tighten in sickness and nerves
“I can’t leave ‘im out here alone”
“But what about us? You promised” I cried clenching his shirt
“I’ll find ya again sunshine” and with that he was gone, he left me and now I was alone, ya I had everyone at the prison but it’s not the same
I watched him go getting smaller and smaller within the trees till he was just gone, Maggie managed to drag me back to the truck and we drove back to the prison, I felt numb, I told him I needed him and he said he needed me and he just left, was it worth it anymore to live without him
When we got back I went straight to one of the watch towers, the tower where Daryl and I would take watch together, spend alone time together peacefully but now it just felt empty and quiet
The day got dark and I was watching the stars appear, Daryl taught me once all the constellations, we were 16 and sitting out in a field waiting for a comet show
“That one is Orion, and that one there is the Big Dipper” he said pointing out that sparkly dots in the sky
I looked at him with so much adoration, he was beautiful then to me as much as he was now, maybe one day we’d be in the stars together side by side, not a trouble in the world to bother us
I took out my switch blade that Daryl gave me many years ago and sighed out a breath, this made me feel weak but he’s gone and with Merle and I know how he is with Merle, he’ll always stick by his side and if Glenn refuses to have Merle here then Daryl will never come back
The blade hurt my hips but not as much as how my heart felt, it took away the pain for a second it distracted me but it never lasted, I eventually fell asleep crying myself into exhaustion
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I was sat with Juniper on my lap grabbing at my shirt playfully and babbling and I couldn’t help but smile by heart so full until Daryl took her from me
“We’re gone now y/n, you’ll never get what you once wanted”
“No please don’t leave, I need you both…..please daryl”
“It’s too late, you’re alone”
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I woke up gasping for air turning to confide and cuddle in to Daryl like I usually did after a nightmare but when I turned it was cold, bringing me back to the reality that he was right in the nightmare, he was really gone and took all my hopes and dreams with him
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Part.11
Lmk you’re thoughts on this chapter in the comments
Taglist: @deansapplepie @ghostboneswrites2 @willowshadenox @thebadbatch2022 @writer-ann-artist @i-wear-wet-socks313
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marigolddove · 11 months
Text
Love Begins With Murder, Believe it or Not.
Part One
This is a request from @yandere-dark-cupid, I'm sure you intended for this to be a one-shot...buuuuut I got super carried away because I L O V E mafia/mob AUs. They're my favorite all around and I just couldn't help myself, especially when you said you wanted a sweet civilian that's my jam. So, yeah this is part One for now, I'm thinking this is gonna end up being 3 parts minimum with how it's going and I will tag you in all 3, thanks for the request it was so much fun to plan and write and I hope you're happy with it!
Warnings: Blood and violence at the start, bit of torture and mentions of murder. Only at the very start though.
💀♥️💀
     If Wally Darling could only choose two qualities he hates most in this world he would choose dishonesty and disloyalty. Both of which this sorry bastard strapped to a chair in his office have. Wally didn't need to watch to know Barnaby was doing his job and doing it well, making this insignificant waste of air scream and wheeze through his gag. 
     He had more important things to focus on anyhow, like his craft for one. Having grown bored of reading recent reports and approving deals with neighboring rival groups, he turned to what he really loved most: art. 
     Sure now it was only a hobby compared to his full time job of running his family, but in his younger years it was his passion; his reason to get out of bed each morning and breathe. He's become weary and disappointed by his lack of motivation and inspiration as of late. There was a time when no one could pull him away from an easel or a sketch book for hours; but now, even with the tension and emotions bouncing around the room from this well deserved "lesson" he couldn't fully immerse himself in his work.
     At a particularly loud and strangled cry from the now ex-member of his family, Wally growled and scribbled through his current piece so violently the paper ripped; then tossed the sketchbook and pencil haphazardly onto his desk. He finally turned his attention to Barnaby and his victim.
     Barnaby, having heard his friend's frustration through the gasping breaths of some no-name newbie who crossed Eddie and Frank, immediately fixed his attention onto Wally.
     "Everything alright boss?" 
     "Just peachy." Wally sneered sarcastically, clasping his hands tightly together on his desk, "I believe I'm now tired of our session, you can take him and finish this up elsewhere, please? Oh, and on your way out get Julie for me." 
     Barnaby immediately unstrapped the man from the chair and threw his weak, limp body over his shoulder, "Sure thing boss, I won't take up more of your time; but I'll be around if ya' need me." He moved to grab the bloodied and soiled chair, but stopped when Wally waved dismissively.
     "No need for that, leave the chair and the mess, I'll have someone else clean that. Thank you Barnaby, be safe." Barnaby nodded and with that left the now slightly dank office. 
     Now alone for a moment, Wally leaned back into his leather seat and sighed, typically he wouldn't have these sessions in his office but this had been a…special occasion. A heat of the moment call if you will. 
     You see, that man had been new to the family, very new. He had yet to learn just how important family really is to Mr. Darling, but when he put the lives of Eddie and Frank into danger well…now he knew. All could have been forgiven had he shown a bit of sympathy and care for his new found family, but all he seemed to care about was his wallet. Selling personal information about individual members of the family to rival groups or reporters, one of those stories being about Eddie and Frank.
     Wally has never frowned upon interpersonal relationships, in fact he had encouraged it. Afterall, love is a beautiful and wonderful thing and he was so pleased it had been found in his friends. It was just such a shame that others didn't seem to share his sentiments on the matter.
     Running a hand through his hair, he attempted to correct any loose curled strands that fell into his face and onto his ears during his episode moments before, using any residual hair product still in his hair to hold them back in place. He began to straighten his posture and his desk at the sound of heel'd footsteps against the hardwood floors of the hall outside his door.
     Soon in walked Julie, dressed in a very fine magenta three-piece suit, a black criss-cross bow tie, classic black heels and her hair curled and pinned back to perfection; jewelry accenting her manicured hands. Wally felt a swell of pride and admiration towards Julie's sense of confidence and style.
     "Well, don't you look fierce today my friend." He started warmly at her entrance, she beamed at his compliment; only briefly glancing at the bloody mess at the center of his office before seemingly losing interest and turning her attention back to him. 
     "I woke up feeling fierce, so I just had to go all out today," she states as she moves to stand in front of his desk, hands on her hips, "so," she glances at the distressed art book still on his desk, "Barnaby said you needed to see me?"
     "Yes, I just sent him to take care of that…problem we were having, and it occured to me that the problem had a romantic partner. A young woman by the name of…" he examined a note he wrote for himself, "Ah, Allison Forester."
     A look of understanding flashed across Julie's face, "You need me to take care of her?" She was surprised when he shook his head.
     "No, no that won't be necessary. Our message will be clear soon enough, and there was never any evidence she was involved in his little scheme." His face turned a bit sour at the end before reverting back to neutral, "No, I want to send her flowers as an apology for his mess and for my rash actions." He sounded anything but apologetic, in fact he smiled just a tiny bit when calling his actions 'rash'. 
     "Oh, okay, sure thing sir. Any types of flowers in particular?" She knew Wally was very detail oriented and wanted to be sure he was giving her full creative liberties. 
     He waved dismissively, "No, just something pretty, that's all for now. You're dismissed, be safe." Turning his attention back to the art book, Julie knew he was now ignoring her; but she didn't take it to heart, he never meant anything by it, that's just how he was. Quick and to the point, and once the point was over he was done with it entirely.
—————————
     Julie closed the office door behind her as she strutted her way back out into the main area of the building, the building they're in used to be strictly an office building, but since it fell into Wally's hands it was almost like an art studio where business happened to be held. He had completely renovated the building, still keeping some of the office spaces (not all of them were used as such however) but also turning part of the building into his own private home and space. They had more official places of business elsewhere, this one was just for comfort, for him to be himself. 
     Only the closest of family members were allowed to work here, the most trusted and beloved; because Wally does love them, even with his business facade and too-cool-for-you appearance she never doubted his love for her and the others. How could she when they're family?
     Julie decided she wouldn't leave until she could say goodbye to Frank and Eddie, they were her two closest friends in and out of the organization, and she knew that the recent news of betrayal had hit Frank hardest. Behind their serious and uncaring demnor hid a very emotional individual only she and Eddie really got to see. 
     It didn't take very long to find them and when she did she nearly hesitated, they were having a moment together and seemed to be having a very serious conversation. Together they sat on a velvet bench in front of a few art pieces Wally had completed, their fingers were interlocked as they faced once another. It seemed so pure and intimate, she nearly turned to leave until Eddie spotted her out of the corner of his eyes and offered her a soft smile and silently waved her over.
     When she reached the two she immediately pulled them both into a tight hug, "I'm so sorry, everything's gonna be okay, Wally will take care of this. I know he will." The two hugged her back just as tight.
     "Thank you, Julie. We're grateful for the support." Said Eddie, his southern charm as endearing as ever. She felt Frank nod against her shoulder and sniff a little.
     She pulled back and with as big of a smile as she could manage, Frank made it a little hard though, her poor friend's face was tear stained and eyes a bit redder than normal. They'd definitely been crying, and looking at Eddie she found unshed tears locked in his eyes and his face more flushed than usual. Good riddance to that idiot, whatever his name had been.
     She'd never been the violent or hateful sort, usually charasmatic and subtle, but if Wally or Barnaby had refused to do something about that guy…well, she had no doubts she would have taken him herself.
     "So where does Wally have you going?" Eddie asks, changing subject, a knowing look in his eyes. He was a sharp character, so she didn't have to ask how he knew Wally had given her a task.
     "I'm glad you asked, he's asked me to pick up flowers for a lady, I wanted your advice on a good shop for it. He wants them pretty." Eddie raised a brow at her and she chuckled, "Not that kinda lady, I'm afraid. It's for the…uh, girlfriend of the scum bag." 
     "I'm surprised he's sending her anything but a death threat." Frank says. 
     "Yeah, well boss says she didn't have nothin' to do with what went down. She's just a civilian caught up in it." 
     Frank nods while Eddie gets this excited look in his eyes, "Oh! I know just the place, hold on," he shifts and reaches into his back pocket to pull out a nice leather wallet, he takes out a small business card and hands it to Julie, "This place is really good at making bouquets, one of the employees there is a real charmer. Name's Y/N, (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair. They're an artist when it comes to flowers, I swear." He said with a bright smile on his face, before turning a bit sheepish as the tips of his ears turned red, "I, uh, used to go there a lot back when I would get flowers for Frank." He admits.
     Frank practically has hearts in their eyes as they gaze lovingly at Eddie and his bashful face, Julie giggles at how cute they are together. They truly deserved the happiness they found in one another.
     "Well then, this is where I'll go then! How can I say no when you give such a sparkling review?" She teases, looking over the card and memorizing the address before tucking it into her pocket, "If I tell them your name will I get a discount?" She joked, but suddenly Eddie got a look of realization on his face.
     "Ya know what? You actually might! Y/N owes me a bit of a favor, so you just tell her Eddie Dear sent ya and I'm sure she'll do something for ya." Both Julie and Frank gave him a questioning look so he continued, "There was a big ol' spider in there the last time I went, poor thing was absolutely terrified, sitting on the counter and staring at it. So, I killed it for them and they gave me an IOU, they wanted to give me my flowers for the day free of charge, but I refused." He explained with a shrug and a sweet smile.
     "Flowers probably won't be too expensive and it's on Wally's dollar so I'm not really worried about it, but I'll still tell them you said 'hi'." 
     "Please do!" 
     Julie turned to leave, but not before giving one more tight hug to Frank, rubbing their back soothingly. They return the hug just as tightly.
     "Be safe, and come back soon…I think I wanna talk to you alone later. I have a lot on my mind." Frank whispers into her ear, although Eddie might've heard it. He didn't speak on it. 
     She pats their back, "Sure thing, bestie." 
     With that she ends the hug and waved as she leaves the room, leaving the two as they embrace one another and continue speaking 'I love you's in hushed tones.
—————————
     The flower shop is only 15 minutes from Wally's "home", and even though she recognizes the strip its located in, she's certain she's never noticed the shop before. It's surrounded by restaurants and a bakery, but now that she's noticed it she can appreciate just how cute it looks. It's small and the sign is elegant while the actual building itself is colorful compared to the rest surrounding it. It's actually so colorful she wonders how she's never noticed it before.
     She enters the establishment with a ring from the bell hanging just above the door signaling her entrance, the inside is a bit more simple compared to the outside, mostly natural woods and white paint while the flowers brought the room to life with their vibrancy and colors. To her right she sees a (e/c) and (h/c) employee, just as Eddie had described.
     You jump up from a stool you had been sitting on behind the counter with the register. Greeting her with a bright, relaxed smile.
     "Oh! Hello, welcome, my name is Y/N. Is there any type of flower you're looking for in particular today?" 
     "Hello, my name is Julie. Julie Joyful, how do you do?" She asks cooly, approaching the counter and outstretching her hand, your smile somehow becomes even more dazzling at her introduction and greeting. 
     "I'm doing well actually, thank you for asking." 
     Julie reaches into her pocket and pulls out the business card holding it up, "I got your card from Eddie, he says hello and that you're quite the florist." You move out from behind the counter with a gasp, still smiling.
     "Oh! Eddie sent you? Does he need more flowers for that friend of his? I thought for sure he would've won them over by now!" You laugh.
     "Nope, he only recommended you, I'm here for another friend of mine actually." Julie corrects, a smirk growing on her lips, "Oh, and that friend has certainly been won over. They're so cute it's sickening." 
     "Oh I knew it! I had a good feeling about him, I don't always have a good feeling about every customer who comes in, but he was definitely one of the sweetest. Definitely a lot of love in his heart, for sure." You say as you approach a table next to the counter, readying some wrapping and bows/ties, "So, this friend of yours," you start with a lilt, "Are they a friend, or a friend." Julie laughs at your teasing insinuation.
     "A friend, and the flowers are actually for a funeral…kinda." You immediately drop a pair of scissors you pulled out of a drawer onto the table, turning with a look of horror on your face. 
     "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been so casual and I shouldn't ha–" Julie laughs, interrupting your hurried apology.
     "No worries, it wasn't anyone close to me or to him. It's more of a courtesy thing, I guess."
     A bit of color returns to your face as you visibly relax, realizing you hadn't offended Julie. Even so, next time no funny business!
     "Well is there any particular message you'd like to send using the flowers? Or do you just want a bundle of the same type of flower? White lilies are very popular for funerals, although they're also great for weddings and symbolize purity, and then there's marigold's. They're a bit deceiving, because while they look bright and sunny they really represent mourning and grief." 
     Julie took a moment to examine the flowers filling the room, "You can also just choose whatever is prettiest to you, all flowers have special meanings and can be a sentence all on their own, but not everyone cares too much for that as long as they're pretty." You continue, not focused on Julie so much as you browsed the flowers, mentally comparing combinations in your head. 
     "I'll let you decide, Eddie said you're like an artist when it comes to flowers, so I'll trust you know what you're doing." You hum in response to let Julie know you heard her.
     "You said the flowers aren't for anyone close, but are they a friend or family?" 
     "Family…kind of, I guess. They're for the girlfriend of a distant recently deceased family member."
     "Ah, so like you said, a courtesy bouquet."
     You take a moment to decide, then you immediately set to work, three types of flower should be enough, a short sweet message, "Coral rose, marigold and blue salvia." You say as you expertly cut the appropriate amount of each flower. 
     "What would that mean?" Julie asks, watching as you move the flowers to the table and clip leaves from the stems.
     "Coral roses can mean friendship and modesty, but in this case it means sympathy. Marigolds, as I said, mean mourning and grief; while blue salvia means 'thinking of you'." You explain softly as you arrange and wrap the flowers gently in a neutral paper; then finally tying it together with a matching cord. 
     "So essentially I'm trying to tell her: 'You're on my mind and I sympathize with your grief.' short and sweet." 
     Julie smiles as you turn around and hand her the finished bouquet, it's more colorful than she would've thought a mourning bouquet is supposed to look, but it is pretty just like Wally requested and it has the meaning, "Perfect!".
     You smile, pleased that she likes it, before moving behind the counter to ring her up; but then you remember that Eddie recommended her…you do owe him a favor. Maybe this was his favor?
     "So how much do I owe ya?" 
     "Nothing, it's on the house, this time."
     She looks up from the flowers to make eye contact, "You sure? They can't be that expensive, I don't mind paying, it's outta my buddy's wallet anyway." 
     "It isn't that expensive, which is why I don't mind letting this one go. It's for a good cause and I owe Eddie, I don't know if I'm calling this his one favor, but it's nice to do something nice for someone else." Julie smiles at your kindness.
     "How about I just pay half then? Just consider it a special discount." That sounded like good middle ground. 
     You agreed to her compromise, charging her only fifteen dollars, "Thank you for your business, have a wonderful day and I hope your friend approves of the flowers!" 
     Julie thanked you for your help and waved goodbye before leaving the store and returning to her vehicle, delicately carrying the bouquet.
I am already working on Part Two now!
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rowdyhughesy · 10 months
Text
Don’t run away, not now - Trevor Zegras
“ I’m burnt out, shit I need some rest. But how can I escape you if you’re in my head? “
- chase atlantic
requested: no
wc: 870
song fic inspired by This is what a broken heart feels like by Marina Lin
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You gave it all away
Didn’t even let me in
You gave the worst goodbye
And people ask me how I've been
I wished relationships would come with a trailer, that you could watch it before you fall in love and decide if you wanted to continue. That if the impending heartache that could follow is truly worth it. If those two years filled with kisses on Saturday mornings, the smell of burning toast coming from the kitchen, warm fingertips drawing invisible shapes across my back in the early hours.
The fights when neither of us want to admit we've been wrong, when Trevor threw dirty laundry on the bathroom floor or forgot to put the dishes away.
Or when I let my insecurities become an obstacle I had problems crossing on my own. He would be there with a smile so big the ends of his eyelashes kissed the apples of his cheeks. Soft pink lips placing butterfly light kisses on my temple. Whispering how I was the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on.
How I wish I could've seen the trailer and been prepared for the ending. Saved myself the numbing ache that followed when I walked inside that door. Trevors facial expression void of any emotion as he breaks my heart into a million tiny glass pieces. 'I don't think it's working out.' Echoing inside my skull every damn time someone asks me how I'm holding up.
Replaying like a broken record that won't stop no matter how much I scream or cry. Palms pressed over my ears crying for it to shut up. Begging for silence. If only for a second
Friday nights got me feeling lonely
Saturdays are when the bottles empty
Why'd you have to leave me?
Dani strokes a comforting hand over the top of my head. Trying to smooth out the tangled rats ness I call hair her other arm wrapped around my body, cuddling me close to her side. Mumbling words of encouragement in my ear as I press my cheek closer to her chest. Hot tears wetting my skin as they run down, leaving small dark splotches on her sweater in their wake.
Throat sore from the cries of a broken heart I’ve been letting out for the past couple of hours.
It’s been two months since Trevor left but the tears still haven’t run dry. Every day there’s new ones along with the clenching feeling in my ribcage. It’s like someone has a tight grip on my heart and slowly but surely the grip becomes tighter and tighter. Squeezing with everything it has until the pain is all I can feel. Until it’s all that’s left.
‘Why did he have to leave Dani? What did I do wrong?’ Voice cracking as another wave of tears bubbles up. Eyes bloodshot, glassy from yet unshed tears and eyelashes clumped together.
‘You didn’t do anything wrong honey you did absolutely nothing. Do you hear me? This is not on you.’ Dani rests her chin on my head. Hand having left it’s previous position in my hair so both her arms are now cradling me close.
Small drops of her own tears that’s managed to slip out landing on my head. Troy gives her a sad smile from his place on the armchair across the coffee table. Trying to hold back all his frustration at his teammate for leaving someone so hurt and broken. For hurting a girl he’s considered as his little sister for two years.
But all he and Dani can do is be a shoulder to lean on and someone to confide in as the girl tries to get over the boy who left without warning.
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
It’s hard to explain the feeling that crawls up your chest when you come across your ex boyfriends Instagram post. To see those light blue eyes and big smile that used to make your body tingle, lips twitching up at the corners and heart feel like it doubles in size.
Just that this time it’s shards of glass ripping through my skin and into my bones. Tears pricking at my waterline and breath getting knocked out of my lungs. Whole body deflating when I notice the pretty girl standing with her arms wrapped around his middle and kiss pressed to his cheek.
Love you to the moon and to Saturn typed underneath.
And the realisation that he’s never coming back crashing over me like a building being torn down. Rubble and dirt all that’s left behind along with my heart.
Flashes of a face red from crying as I beg for him to not leave, tell me what I could do to make him stay. Without even knowing that he’d been one foot out the door the whole time.
Heart already belonging to someone else. That I was the obstacle he had to get over to be with someone new, someone that would never be me. Not ever again.
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ovaryacted · 1 month
Note
Ok ok ok, so…hear me out. (TW: death, and suicide at the end)
Let’s just say Leon’s kids (maybe they’re a teen at this point) ends up captured by some evil bioweapon lab. The ransom note is essentially ‘leave us alone to do our science or we kill your kid’
I can see this playing out two ways.
The first, Leon tears apart the world. He sees red and essentially blacks out until he’s reunited with his child/ren. He’s awake for the entire time it takes to find them. The only time he actually ‘rests’ is when his body physically crashes and passes out. Even then, he gets nightmares. What if they’re too late and his kid/s become twisted creatures? What if they’re already dead? What if he has to put a bullet in his own precious baby because they were reduced to a shambling zombie, just like RC?
He wakes up screaming. Crying. Sobbing.
Even if he gets to them in time, they’re undoubtedly traumatized. They won’t be child/Ren anymore. They would have been exposed to how fucked the world really is. He starts thinking he’s a failure. He’s failed to protect his kid/s. The ones he loved the most in the world have had their innocence ripped away.
But damnit, when he finds them, you bet your ass he’s not letting them go. He hugs them tightly. Almost too tightly. Leon starts sobbing. They’re unharmed. Untouched by evil science.
When it comes to the escape, he holds their hand. It doesn’t matter how old they are, he’s going to hold onto SOMETHING. They aren’t coming out of his sight ever again. Not after this.
Second scenario, Leon IS too late.
He sees what USED to be his kid/s. If he stared hard enough he could see them, under the shambling, the growling. They were still in there somewhere.
But he was too late. Even if they could get a cure, the damage was done. His child/ren were gone.
The world goes quiet for Leon. His only focus would be on them. All he could hear is his own heartbeat. After he ends their pain, I don’t think he’d go home.
The official report be KIA, but anyone else who was on the mission would know the truth. Leon didn’t want to live without his kid/s.
BUT THEN ITS ALL A NIGHTMARE BECAUSE I MADE MYSELF SAD TYPING THIS AHHHH IM SORRY
cw: religious imagery, mentions of gore and violence, suicide attempt
Hey, angsty anon, I know you remember sending this to me when I was at work and it fucking upset me but I said I would make it worse...well I'm making it a tad bit worse by adding my thoughts to this. Apologies in advance, and of course if you don't want to read some sad shit, don't read it. (I was half asleep writing this so my bad lolz)
I think Leon's family becoming involved in the horrors of bioterrorism, the very thing he's trying so hard to protect his loved ones from, is one of his biggest fears. In this field, he's seen people he cared about, good people, who were abandoned by those meant to protect them and had to alter their bodies to try to feel control. Although Leon does everything to ensure his family is protected, he still falls short when his child gets taken away by an enemy and is used as collateral.
The entire aspect of finally being able to have a life gets to Leon. To have a chance to settle down and have a family of his own which is now being threatened, turns Leon into this vindictive monster just motivated by revenge. On prior missions, he's usually calculated and knows what to do, where to go, and what to bring. But now that his child is involved, his own flesh and blood, yeah he blacks out for most of the mission and is going off of instinct.
He doesn't give his partner much of an explanation when he just says he's going to leave and that he knows he's going to bring his family back together. He can't promise anything, can't promise if he'll come back in one piece or at all, but he will bring his child back home. If being a federal agent working in bioterrorism has taught him anything, is that not everyone comes back. Sometimes he just gets lucky and the cycle repeats.
Leon does not sleep, does not eat, and much less gives a shit about his own safety and health. As far as he knows, he's on a witch hunt to kill the bastard that threatened his family and his happiness. The entire time he's trying to get his child back, his mind goes back to the horrors of all of his missions. He thinks back to the fear he felt in trying to save Sherry, he remembers the way his mind went all hazy on his mission to Spain and saved the president's daughter.
It's all the same. But it has to be different right?
He doesn't consider himself to be a religious person, he used to be back in his youth. But as this rogue mission goes on longer and longer and he spends more time without his child, he starts to silently pray that they're alive, that they haven't been ruined like everything else in this rotten world.
Let's say he does find his kid in one piece, scared and traumatized, probably tucked into a corner in a dingy cell in some run down lab. Leon wrapped his arms around them, apologizing over and over again, looking for forgiveness, and blaming himself for putting his child in danger simply because of the life he was forced to live.
He does get back home in one piece with his child in his arms and eliminates any other possible and future threats so he never has to worry about that again. The people who even think about hurting his family will regret ever doing so. As long as his child is safe and back at home, he thinks he's achieved the impossible and is protecting all that he holds dear.
But let's go on the opposite end of the spectrum. What will happen if Leon doesn't get there in time? If he finds his child turned into some monster as revenge? It would tear him apart, and he will consider this to be his karma for even wanting a better life for himself, a life he doesn't deserve. The person or thing in front of Leon wasn't his child anymore, it was a mess of torn-up limbs and cut skin, and he couldn't feel his child's presence anymore.
His soul is empty as he raises his gun to shoot towards the monster, putting them out of their misery, and the last bit of humanity Leon has left goes with the dead body hitting the ground. He still has a mission to complete, a society to protect, so he focuses on that and refuses to give himself a moment of grieve.
Later he says, I have time later.
He's detached from his reality throughout the remaining time he gives himself to finish off this mission, his last mission. When all the threats are eliminated, he walks around aimlessly, his spirit has run dry and he knows the gaping hole in his chest is too much of a burden to handle. He doesn't cry, he's done enough crying in his life and frankly, he doesn't have any more tears to give.
I've failed. I've failed you. I'm sorry.
The words repeat in his head and he pretends his significant other somehow gets the message that he's not coming back home. He wonders if God will come to save him from this blasphemy, but this is the price he had to pay for having too much blood on his hands, blood he did not want to have.
His hand is steady as he puts the gun to his temple, finger on the trigger and he hears it click, nothingness comes right after. He doesn't feel pain, doesn't feel much of anything, and surprisingly he feels calm...at peace.
Things can't be different. Not this time.
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miyaniacs · 2 months
Text
Corrupted by Darkness
- Chapter 8 -
Chapter 7 ; Wattpad ; AO3
A/N: Hello :) sorry for the lack of updates... I had to finish my assignment first :D But i wanted to thank you all for your feedback, the comments and the votes! It makes my day whenever I see them <3 So again thank you so much for reading this story and supporting me <3 
Azriels POV
Shadows swirl around me while I stare at the ceiling in my room, lost in my thoughts. 
"Why did you fuck her when you hated her all those years?" Cassians words echo though my head... like they did for the past weeks ever since he threw them at my head. 
I couldn't answer him that day even though I knew the answer then just as clearly as I know it now. If I'd be honest with myself I had known it since the first time I looked in her eyes. Ever since that day, I felt the need to protect her and keep her save. The older she got, the more a different feeling sneaked its way into my mind... or my heart. I tried my best to stay way from her, closing myself off whenever she wanted to get to know me more, finding excuses to leave the room when she got there... it worked out for me until that night I found her crying, sitting alone on her birthday in a dark hallway. 
If my heart wasn't arching so much to be close to her and be her shoulder to cry on, I would have ripped that asshole in pieces. Having me so close to me on that night... I thought I was stronger, yet I should have known that my self control wouldn't be as strong as I thought it would be when it came to Nea. 
So here I am now, dealing with the aftermath of that night. 
I knew it was wrong to leave her broken on the floor that night, my heart was breaking into pieces while I said those words, seeing the tears in her eyes, tears that I caused. I still think that it was necessary to break things up with her... to let her be free and not chained to me, while she is in there and I'm who knows where Rhys sends me. And now that her life is chained to Xadens - I don't need my shadows to see the way he looks at her... to know that he was there for her when I left her crying. I hid myself within my shadows that night, watching over her, in case something would happen. Then I saw him. Heard how she whispered my name, full of hope that it would be me... and I saw the hurt in his eyes, when he saw the disappointment on her face when she realized it was him and not me. 
Closing my eyes again I try to recall the way her eyes lit up whenever she talks about the things that excite her, tying to remember her smell, her touch ...
Neas POV
'NOCTIS! NOCTIS HELPE ME!' I scream up at the dragon above me. Another blast of fire wraps around my body and I scream at the feeling of my skin burning. My fists hammer against the imaginary wall that keeps me shielded off whatever controls my body and whatever Sanguis is controlling right now.
'Someone please... Help me.' I cry out. 
'XADEN? Xaden can you hear me?' I shout at the opening I in my mind I left for him. But no answer ... it feels like I don't even reach him, just like I can't reach Noctis. 
More fire. 
Physically my body doesn't burn, but when I look at my hands all I see is burned flesh. Tears run down my face and I keep on screaming. 
Sanguis laughs. "Don't worry little girl, two more times and all that's left of you is a sad little pile of ashes... and your body is mine." 
"No...! No - please I'll do anything- please." I beg. 
"But there is nothing you could offer me." She smiles evilly and then says something to Noctis again, fueling his anger even more. His eyes glow as he opens his mouth again. 
Sanguis laughs, while I cry out in pain, as I feel my skin falling off of me.
'Please.. please not like this... not now... not him...' I cry and fall down on my knees. 
My vision gets darker and darker and I fall to my left, hugging my knees. I'm going to die... and no one will notice.
Theres a small tugging in my chest... and within the darkness a small golden thread appears. 
I wrap my hands around it, as if this small thread is my lifeline- "Help me. Please." I whisper to who or whatever is on the other side of the line.
Above me Noctis opens his mouth again. 
'Well that's ...' I close my eyes and wait for the fire to hit me. 
Azriels POV
My eyes shoot open and I sit straight in my bed. 
Was I dreaming? I ask myself and run my hand though my hair. 
Small droplets of sweat run down my neck. 
Something feels off.
With a sigh I roll out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. 
The whole time I can't get that feeling off my chest, that something is wrong... as if someone's in danger. 
"Couldn't sleep?" Cassian asks and I almost drop the glass in my hand. 
"Wowwww did I just surprise the one and only shadow singer?" He jokes and playfully hits my shoulder, yet his demeanor quickly changes when he sees the look in my eyes. 
"Az, what's wrong?" His voice has a serious tone in it.
"I ... I don't know." I let my head hang and my eyes search for anything and everything while I scan the ground. "It feels like she is in danger..." I whisper the last part. 
"Nea?" Cassian asks and leans on the counter next to me. 
"Yes... Cassian she..." I begin but my voice breaks. There's a tug.... A tug where all those months was nothing... a tug and the feeling of fearing for ones life. 
The glass falls to the floor and Cassian is left alone in the kitchen. 
"I know Arziel... I know..." he whispers and pushes himself off the counter. 
"RHYSAND" He screams into the night and quickly makes his way to his house.
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rapha-reads · 10 days
Text
He wasn’t wearing his white cultivator robes, which were threadbare from the wash. Instead, he was wearing snow-white funeral robes with expansive sleeves. His face was no longer his own, but a half-crying, half-smiling mask!
Xie Lian would have once screamed in horror at the sight of himself like this. However, the Xie Lian of today wasn’t scared at all. He laughed maniacally and ignored the change. He stumbled to the door, crashing through it before breaking into a dash.
...
...
I'm.
Oh.
I was so far off the marks. I could not have predicted that. Volume 6 is currently ripping out my heart znd stomping on the pieces till it turns into fine powder. I am out of words and with too many emotions.
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(Me looking at my phone trying to parse through the mess of feelings and new information I'm receiving page after page.)
Also, I've been listening to a playlist of Dimash songs for the past 3 hours, and let me tell you, Dimash's voice and lyrics and musicality mixed with Xie Lian's ongoing irreversible trauma piling up, I've made myself one hell of an ambience.
This is great.
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shebadfuckk · 1 month
Text
you break in , gloves and mask. Find my room. See me in bed. Just up waiting on your text while he sleeps. But I don’t know it’s you and when I see you I scream, waking him up. He scrambles trying to understand what’s happening but before he can do anything, you yank him out of bed and tie him to his chair and then spin it to reveal me still on the bed trembling. Frozen in fear. That’s when you walk slowly up to me and take out your knife. Holding the tip right under my chin using it to force eye contact with me. Silent tears stream down my face as I know what’s coming. You tell him to watch or you’ll k!ll me and start cutting my clothes off my body with the knife. I try to cover myself with my arms but you grab my wrist and look at me with a taunting smile. “Let me see little girl.” By this time he’s yanking and grunting trying to break out of the ropes. But they’re tied perfectly. He’s not going anywhere. You take a piece of my shredded clothing and stuff it in his mouth telling him to shut up and watch. You slap the fuck out of me dropping me off the bed onto the floor and he lets out a muffled whine from under the fabric. Now frantic and squirming. You pick me up off the floor and start tying me up. Hand behind my back. Legs wide open.
You tell me to stop squirming with a hard punch to the face. I Yelp and go instantly limp. You start ever so lightly licking my clit. Just enough to make my legs shake violently. Just barley tapping it with the tip of your finger. Making me shake and start to soak myself. You look over at my boyfriend and laugh. “Look at her. Look how quickly she turned on you.”
You continue to tease me until I can’t take it and you make me beg for you while he watches. He’s stopped fighting now just watching looking like he’s gunna cry but you can see his cock getting hard. After you make me beg and I’m panting like a puppy you shove yourself into me with no warning and rip open my hole. I scream and he lightly flinches but by this time his cock is way too hard to stop watching. It’s torturing him to be this hard and not be able to touch his cock. So much so that Precum starts to leak. You just keep making me scream by forcing your big cock into my little girl hole clenched so tight around you it’s hard not to cum. But you’re not done. You want him to see what a whore his girl really is
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Note
Could you write a blurb with Azriel where the reader either hasn’t had sex or ha only had really bad sex so Azriel just shows them everything?! Love your writing!
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“don’t worry, baby, i’ll take real good care of you.” he mumbled against the skin of your neck as his lips covered the area with loving kisses.
“what if i can’t cum?” you whimpered back.
azriel’s lips stopped moving, and his once closed eyes had shot open.
“why wouldn’t you be able to?”
you pondered on telling him for a moment, debating weither or not the topic of your past lovers and experience should be brought up at this second.
he shifted before rolling off of you and gently plopping down onto his side next to you. a scarred hand cupped your face softly, as if signaling you to turn your attention to him.
“hm?” he hummed, awaiting your answer.
you swallowed thickly at him, anxiety creeping into your throat.
“i don’t know.” you shrugged. “what if i just can’t?”
his brows furrowed at your lack of information. what was it that you weren’t telling him?
“are you a virgin?” he asked softly with a loving undertone to his voice.
you blushed at the question, and hesitantly nodded.
for a moment, you swore you saw a flash of love in his eyes, but it left as soon as it arrived. he cracked a small smirk.
“baby, that’s okay. i don’t mind at all.” azriel cood, his hand moved from the frame of your face and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “but, why are you worried about cumming? have you ever tried before and failed?”
your whole face heated up this time. sure, you’ve touched yourself before, and made yourself cum plenty of times, but everytime you tried to take the next step, and have sex with someone, they could never make you cum.
since you were a virgin, every male would try to rip one orgasm out of you before actually going inside of your tight cunt, just to make it more pleasurable for the both of you. but, every man failed. therefore, you would always call it quits after the hour mark rolled around and your clit was tired of being probed at.
at first, you assumed that the first two men were just very bad at making women orgasm, so you went to a dear friend of yours that you knew very well made lots of women scream out in pleasure.
but even he failed.
so, you came to the awful conclusion that you were broken and were going to die a virgin.
“i-i don’t know. i mean, of course i’ve touched myself, but-“ you couldn’t find the right way to put it without sounding crazy. “i don’t know.”
“come on, sweetheart. just use your words.”
your stomach leaped with arousal.
“i think i’m broken.” you whispered shyly, your gaze falling onto the ceiling above you. 
silence fell for a moment, before he let out a chuckle.
“baby, i assure you, you’re not broken.” he smiled at you, a light hearted one. “why do you think that though? have you never made your self climax?”
he was persistent tonight.
“yes.”
he nodded. “good, see— not broken.”
you didn’t know how to explain your situation with him, without feeling judged. but this was azriel you’re talking about, not some random person. this was your mate. he would never judge you.
you took a deep breath before confesssing.
“no one else can make me cum. not even cassian.”
he erupted in a fit of laughter at the last part, just imagining the look on his brother’s face when he found out that he failed at making someone orgasm, had him almost crying in amusement.
you frowned. “are you laughing at me, azriel? please don’t.”
the softness in your voice caused a pang in your mate’s heart, immediately making his laughter stop.
“i’m sorry, my love. i swear i wasn’t laughing at you, sweetheart. i was just laughing at cassian not satisfying you, is all. he probably didn’t even think to try other methods other than one.” a smile still rested on his lips, but his words were laced with a sweet ambience.
you fell silent, contemplating if you wanted to go through with tonight or if you just wanted to curl in a ball and shrink.
“i promise, that i can show you many ways to feel good, darling. so many ways to make you squirm and your legs shake before i even put myself inside of you. i can make you feel so good…” he trailed off before his eyes flicked to yours. “if you’ll allow me.”
something in his voice had you convinced and you even felt a slight tug on the mating bond as he spoke. he was being truthful, you could feel that.
“okay.”
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amyyscorner · 1 month
Text
Things I tell myself during a depressive episode that help me
Hygiene
You can brush your teeth at any daytime.
You can wash underwear in the sink with soap and water.
You will feel so good after a shower.
If showering is too much to ask right now, the sink and a towel are better than nothing.
If brushing your teeth is too much to ask right now, mouthwash is better than nothing.
Friends
Ask your friends for a hug. They will hold you.
Ask your friend to help with the kitchen. They've proven they won't judge.
Asking your friends to drag you outside helps.
Just because people aren't reaching out right now, doesn't mean they don't love you anymore.
Body doubling works. Ask someone to hang out on call with you while you do a bit.
You can call your friends before you do something stupid.
Cleanliness
If you'd wear it another day, it can go back into the closet.
Throw out specific objects or put them in the basement.
Try to take the trash out immediately.
Food
Eating fruits and veggies make you feel fresh.
Donuts, soups and childhood meals are comforting and make you feel safe.
Eating more is okay.
Eating less is okay.
If you have enough energy to cook, try to make multiple portions.
The delivery people aren't judging if you order multiple times. The comments they make are either out of concern or humor. Nobody actually cares.
Asking people to eat with you is okay.
Listen to the voice memos you had your friends make, encouraging you to eat.
Skills
Doing something with the negative feelings helps. (writing, art, music, screaming into a pillow, ripping an old book apart)
Read your glimmers.
Go through your skills-bag. Is there anything in there that can help right now?
Visit the safe space in your mind.
There are healthy ways to get out of apathy. Write down what you think you are supposed to be feeling. Was there a time in your life when you felt like this and you were told to shut that feeling out?
Other/Personal
Don't call your mother first. Call dad.
Crying it out is okay.
Wash your face after crying.
Drink water after crying.
Dark doesn't equal comfortable. If possible turn on mood lights.
Make sure the comfort isn't turning into excuses.
If you open tiktok it will be difficult for you to close it again.
It's okay not to move out of bed for hours. Just make sure you get up to pee and have some water.
You can call your brother before you do something stupid.
You do not need to consume addictive substances to feel better. It will make you feel worse.
Spending money on things you know you won't need will make you feel worse.
Calling out of work for a day or two is okay.
Try to force yourself to go to work. It's a better feeling to be there than to be at home alone.
Discord is good in small pieces. Don't let yourself become addicted.
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jawabear · 1 year
Text
03:12 (Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader)
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Not my GIF
A/N: Yo! so its been a hot minuet since i wrote anything so here's a really short Ghost story because i have no self control and love to many characters. Sorry for any mistakes!
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: Ghost is probably OOC, crying, mentions of kidnapping, Ghost struggles with his feelings, hints of smut
Summary: With too much to be said, Ghost can't sleep and confided in the person who is the cause of his peace and his conflict.
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Ghost really should’ve been asleep. He should’ve been asleep hours ago. But he wasn’t. He couldn’t sleep. His head was too full of unspoken thoughts. So many things brought into the light in his mind after the events of their latest mission. So many things that had been suppressing for years finally bubbled their way back to the surface. 
At this point he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. So with a groan, he stood and made his way out to the porch of the safe house where his teammate was sat on watch. 
“Wanna swap out?” He asked. His deep voice made her jump a little in the silence of the night. She looked up at him and gave him a gentle smile. 
“I’m okay. But I’d be grateful for the company” she shifted to the side to allow him to sit beside her. He took up the seat, the dated wooden floorboards creaking under his weight. 
There was a gentle silence over the two of them. Which did little good for Ghost. The silence allowed for his thoughts to get louder. Screaming at him to tell her the truth. Screaming at him to break all his personal rules, all his personal protocols. To rip off the bandaid, spill the beans. To let it out once and for all. 
Ghost turned his head a little to look at her side profile. 
(Y/N) “Wolfgang” (L/N). One of the greatest soldiers he had ever met. The greatest sniper he had ever met. The greatest person he had ever met. There was a very very long mental list of ways he would describe her. All of which he would never speak aloud to anyone. Out of pride or fear of rejection, he couldn’t tell. They both blended into one at some point. 
Besides, they were teammates. Coworkers. Dare he say, friends. And Ghost was happy with that. But he wanted more from her. He wanted everything. He wanted…her. 
Ghost blinked himself back to earth. She was so beautiful. The moonlight reflected perfectly off her skin. The stars were nothing compared to the brightness in her eyes. The gentle smile on her face could make anyone forget about the horrors of war. She always seemed so at peace. Like she had no inner conflicts. 
Which was why he could never say anything to her. Conflict was all he knew. It was all he had. He was even at war with himself over her. He would shatter her peace and bring his inner horror upon her. He couldn’t bring himself to ruin her tranquility. 
“I wanted to ask if you were okay” she said softly. Her voice lighting a warning fire within him. “After the way the mission went” 
Ghost blinked again and looked at the frosted grass in front of them. “Seeming as you were the one who was taken, don’t you think I should be asking you that?”
“No. Because I know you. I know that you will blame yourself for what happened because you led the mission. And you don’t need to” 
“I’m afraid that’s one thing I won’t be able to shake. So long as I’m leading, the responsibility of the team is on my shoulders” 
Wolfgang sighed a little “another thing I know is that you are the most stubborn person I know. But you know you can always share the weight of responsibility with me” 
“You’ve got enough shit to deal with without me piling my shit on top. I’m fine Wolfie. Trust me” 
“With my life” she smiled “as long as you trust me with yours”
“I trust you with everything. It’s myself I don’t around you”
“What?” 
Ghost coughed and shifted slightly. The floorboards creaking again giving away his sudden tension. Piece of shit house. 
“You don’t trust yourself around me?” 
Ghost said nothing. He felt he had already said enough. Too much. 
Fucking bloody hell. You’re a fucking idiot, Simon. 
“Ghost?” He asked as she laid her hand on his knee. He immediately tensed and glared at her hand. It was like fire on bare skin. Burning her brand into him. 
Noticing this, she moved her hand back. “S-Sorry. I just…sorry” she shuffled away from him. The gap between them growing larger in both reality and within him. He had to real her back. He couldn’t lose her. 
“(Y/N)” he said suddenly. He had never used her first name before.  Her code name suited her perfectly. But he felt it appropriate to use her name here. For what he was about to say. If he didn’t fuck it up. 
The use of her name certainly caught her attention. Her eyes met his.
“Today…I discovered my biggest fear” he began slowly. His voice low and somewhat quiet. “I’ve never thought myself fearless. But I never knew I could feel fear like it. And I don’t know how to deal with it. And if I tell you…”
“I won’t think of you any differently” she assured him quickly. 
“Yes you will. Because my biggest fear of you” 
Her face dropped and his heart stopped. Her eyes glassed over, now so bright he could’ve sworn he was looking at the stars of heaven. 
“W-What?” Her voice had become shaky. His heart was now set in overdrive. Banging against his chest as if trying to escape and jump to her. That was where his heart belonged anyway. 
“I love you” he admitted. “And that scares me. Scares the shit outta me. I’ve never loved someone before. Not like this. I thought I’d lost ya. Thought I’d have to live with the regret of never having told ya the truth. I was so scared that I’d lost you. I would’ve done anything to get you back. My biggest fear is losing you. My biggest fear is livin’ in a world that your not in. And I want you to know that that ain’t nothing in this fucking world I wouldn’t do for you” 
A minute past and she didn’t say anything. Nor did she move or show any signs that she had listened to a damn word he said. 
“I have lost you, haven’t I?. Fuck. I’m such a fucking idiot. Should’ve kept my bloody mouth shut and dealt with it my fucking self. I’m so sorry Wolfie” he pushed himself up to his feet. 
“No. Simon. Wait” she leaned forwards and grabbed his arm. He spun around and saw tears streaming from her eyes. Like little rivers of moonlight. 
“Say it again” she pleaded “say you love me again. Please”
“I love you” he said. It felt easier the second time to say it. But the swell in his chest remained. 
Her eyes flicked between his and then to his mask. She reached out cautious hands to the hem of the black fabric and rolled it up past his lips. 
Ghost grabbed his mask and pulled it all the way off and dropped it to the floor. She had never seen his face before. But she liked it. She loved it. 
He placed his hands on her cheeks and she mirrored this. “I love you, (Y/N)” he said again. 
“I love you, Simon” she almost sobbed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed her lips into his. His hands dropped to her waist and held onto her tightly as he kissed her with years worth of pent up feelings for her. 
Years worth of fear and conflict left him. Floating out of his body with every movement of her lips on his. “I love you” she whispered repeatedly against his lips. Her hands pushing into his hair, tugging at the dirty blonde strands. 
He groaned and bit her bottom lips. Her mouth opened in a gasp and he didn’t hesitate pushing his tongue into her mouth.
Ghost began to push her backwards until her back hit the wall of the house. His hands dragged up her body and found her own. He linked his fingers with hers and held her hands above her head. 
He pulled his tongue out of her mouth and kissed down her jaw to her neck where he sucked and bit at her skin. 
“Simon” she whimpered. She let out a breathless moan at the feeling of his warm steady breath in her skin. The simple act of him breathing on her made her legs shake and the point between her thighs burn and soak. 
His lips brushed their way back up her neck and to her ear. He let out a few slow breaths before he spoke again. His voice low and almost like a growl “I want all of you”.
Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she could’ve sworn she came right there and then. She had been without sex for so long that she feared one simple touch to her heated core from Simon and she would simply die. Of course, there are worse ways to go than being pleasured to death by the man you love. 
“I want you too” she breathed “I want you so badly”. 
“Then,” he let go of her hands and grabbed her ass before effortlessly lifting her off the ground. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. “Let me show just how much I love you”
18.12.22
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