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#a court of war and ruin
xieliancore · 8 months
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high lady of the night court.
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uukipi · 28 days
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:( I care him
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The most beautiful painting of Amren I’ve ever seen. Gorgeous doesn’t cut it.
kateartpocket.
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emilyondemand · 7 months
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Elain Week Day 1: Seer
After reading about mystics in HOSAB, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between their powers and Elain’s. Many lovely Elain fans have had the same idea and have theorized that perhaps sensory deprivation will also help Elain hone her Sight.
Could a blindfold allow Elain to tap into her Sight more effectively? Iykyk
The incredibly talented @artyventurer was able to bring this more abstract idea of a shadow blindfold to life for me, and I could not be happier with how it turned out!
Art: @artyventurer
Commissioned by: me @emilysbookishtales
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graphicwitchsblog · 1 year
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🔥My MATE 🔥
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Nesta and Cassian
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talesof-old · 6 months
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your haunting | a.s.
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pairing(s): azriel shadowsinger x fem!reader
warning(s): 18+, smut, a little dubious consent wise, slight somnophilia, rhys threatening reader, reader is a rhys hater, slight mentions of insanity/hallucinations, reader sort of stalking azriel, this makes it sound way worse than it is, hand jobs (f receiving), if you squint the reader seems a little unhinged, very lightly edited
word count: 3.5k
masterlist
2023 kinktober series
no matter how hard he tries, azriel sees your face everywhere. a ghost, a shadow, a secret he’s kept all to himself. madness is a tool you’ve learned to wield well, even if it is against your lover
prompt: consensual somnophilia, wingplay, blindfolds
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Azriel had gone mad.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, wings dragging on the floor as waves of your scent washed over him.
Madness was the only explanation for what was happening, for how he felt.
When Rhysand told him you’d gone missing on a mission, presumed dead, he’d refused to believe it. The bond that connected you was still there, even if you’d built an impenetrable wall around it.
After months of searching, months of longing, he had yet to find a trace of you. There was nothing. Azriel had to admit it to himself, perhaps you were dead. Perhaps, the one soul that completed his so wholly, was gone.
He had yet to utter those words aloud.
Jasmine and incense wafted through the room. He breathed in deeply and ignored the shadows curling around his hands in a frenzy. They missed you, whispering to him in the dead of night to go out and find you.
They knew something he didn’t, and despite his attempts to coax it out of them, they refused to speak it.
In some desperate grab of comfort, Azriel found himself tugging on the intact golden thread. It was the only hope he had that you were still alive.
The bond pulled taut, offering nothing but cold silence from the wall you’d set up. It was far more unforgiving than Rhysand’s.
An ache bloomed across his temples and he let the thread go slack, slinking into his bathroom to peel off his leathers and clean the muck off of his body.
You peeked from around a curtain, eyes gleaming in the dim candlelight. Azriel’s wings dragged along the ground as he shut the door, and you grinned to yourself. The poor male had never found out what you did for a living. He knew you’d been employed by Rhysand, but not even the High Lord knew the extent of your expertise.
Years of training to walk in silence, to ignore the blood dripping from your hands. You were many things, whatever the individual who employed you needed you to be. You hardly worked with the same person once, but war made everything tricky. Which is how you ended up with Thesan’s grasp. Not that you would complain. He knew your violence was an asset to his Inner Court.
You crept out from behind the curtain, shadows curling around your ankles. At you request, they wouldn’t say a word to Azriel, content to interact with you on the condition that you allowed them to stay close when you did come around.
A breeze gently caressed your skin and you almost hummed. Cauldron, you missed the Night Court. The sound of running water filled your ears and you took advantage of it, rushing to Azriel’s office. High Lord Thesan was paying you a large sum of money to find out if High Lord Rhysand was going to attempt an invasion at the behest of Amren.
You stepped in, shadows wrapping around your wrists. They seemed happy to rest there as you shifted through papers, careful to leave them exactly as you found them. Paper after paper was carefully examined, but you were unable to find anything. You huffed.
As far as you were aware, Amren had been trying to get Rhysand to claim the title of High King for ages. Even Azriel had agreed with you that it was a bad idea.
Before that mission eight months ago, you’d come to the conclusion that Rhysand was a decent man, even if you didn’t always see eye to eye. All that changed when he’d caught of glimpse of your mind. Poking into a hole in the thick walls you’d created for your mind, disregarding any friendship you might have.
Anger coiled in your chest, heavy on your heart.
You slowly opened Azriel’s only drawer, taking great care to avoid making any noise. One of the shadows snaked up your arm.
Shuffling through the papers and journals, you worked through every piece until you reached the bottom.
Still nothing.
You gnawed on your inner cheek, peering down at the drawer. A small gap caught your attention. Barely noticeable, especially when covered by the many papers and books, but you knew Azriel far too well.
A kernel of guilt lodged itself into the pit of your stomach. Azriel was your mate. You were sneaking through his house, pillaging through his work, all for a job he had no idea about. You pushed away the thought. This was for the best.
His focus on finding you made it easier to catch him off guard, and find whatever information you were looking for.
The sound of a door opening had your head jerking towards the door. One of his shadows tugged on your wrist, a signal that he would be there soon. You nodded to it in a habitual response.
You grabbed the stack of papers and books, setting them on the floor and pulling on the false bottom. A click sounded and you froze, holding your breath. The false bottom gave way, revealing a small number of papers and a journal. Footsteps sounded down the hall and you were quick to move. Gently placing the false bottom back in place, and hauling all the papers into the drawer, you stood from your seated position.
Azriel passed by, barely glancing into his office. Your eyes widened and you shot a look toward the shadows. Just a few steps down the hall, Azriel stopped walking. You backed away from the desk, urging the shadows to give you cover while you hid.
He couldn’t know that you were actually here.
You slunk into the dark, back pressed against the wall and shadows covering your body to prevent him from seeing. If you kept an eye on him, he might give you some insight.
Azriel’s footstep grew closer, and you quirked a brow. Normally, he would winnow into the room, catch the perpetrator off guard and disarm them immediately.
He stepped into the room.
His silhouette blocked much of the light that could come into the room, Truth Teller in his hand. You inched around the walls of the room towards the door, for once thankful that Azriel refused to add decorations to this place.
He fully entered the room, scanning everything as though he’d find some trace of you. He bent over to open the drawer and you almost took your chance, eyes focused his every movement. It gave you something other than his body to look at, the only clothing he had on being a pair of loose trousers. You bit the inside of your cheek, the muscles on his back rippling as he leaned down. He traced a hand over the edge of the false bottom as though it would have disappeared. You thanked every deity you knew of for the ability to silently winnow.
You reappeared down the hallway, needing to draw him away from the room. You redistributed your weight on your feet, your footsteps now audible as you broke into a run.
You had to be here. Azriel didn’t want to accept anything else. He couldn’t.
If he did, he would have to admit he couldn’t escape your wretched smell. Or the visions he sometimes caught of you. But as he searched his office, he couldn’t help but wonder if you had died, and he was simply imagining that you were still breathing. There was no trace of you in the room.
Footsteps sounded down the hall, the floorboards creaking loudly. His head whipped towards the noise, keeping Truth Teller close as he closed his eyes and fell. Feyre might have described winnowing with him as falling through worlds, but the feeling was as natural to him as flying.
He landed down the hall, barely catching a glimpse of you as you turned down the corner. His head and heart pounded as he followed. Anticpation curled in his gut, followed by elation.
The footsteps stopped just in front of his room, his heart steadying. The chase was one of his favorite parts, and if you really were here, he’d catch you.
He gently pushed open the door. It swung open, creaking as it went. Nothing moved as he entered the room, not even a breeze dared enter through the open balcony. Hazel eyes scanned the room, shadows whispering that the intruder was gone.
You weren’t here.
Sudden exhaustion hit Azriel, and he slumped when the realization hit him. Rhys told him that you died. That you were gone. Maybe this was all in his head.
He shook his head, carefully placing Truth Teller under his pillow and slipping into bed. Only the Mother could free him from this sort of torment.
You watched Azriel go to sleep from the corner of his room.
Sleep dragged him unwillingly, his shoulders tense under slumped and twitching wings. Shadows curled over your shoulders and through your hair as something tugged at your heart, urging you to join him. Instead, you turned on your heel and headed down the hall, back towards his office. You needed to know what information he had, though you assumed the most important things would be left unwritten.
Or, maybe not. No one knew of this location. Not even Rhysand knew where Azriel spent his alone time.
You repeated your earlier actions until you were skimming the pages of information. Nothing of note.
Reaching for the book, you felt a pulse of power emitting from it. You blinked. Azriel must have had it enchanted somehow. Fuck.
One of his shadows that hadn’t left your side snaked over the book, that power calming. You smiled and flipped it open. The pages were thin and worn, Azriel’s telltale small, neat handwriting filling them. You took in all of it, from the Night Court’s unofficial allies and enemies, the suspicious characters across Prythian they were watching, and whatever else Rhysand wanted Azriel to keep an eye on. A familiar name caught your eye.
Yours.
You swallowed hard. If Azriel had suspected you were a traitor, surely you wouldn’t be alive. Something akin to giddiness clamped around your throat. Was he so blinded by your bond he thought you someone different entirely?
You took in the rest of the information, let it sink in as you shut the drawer and made your way back down the hall.
For a moment, you paused in the doorway. Leaving him was not as hard as it used to be, but you longed to touch him. Rhysand’s words echoed in your head.
You are not to return to the Night Court until I command it.
After everything you’d done for him, he still didn’t trust you.
In that moment, you made your choice. You took silent steps towards the bed, slowly lowering your weight onto the mattress. Azriel grumbled but went quiet again, breath coming steady and slow. Your fingertips just barely grazed his bare arms, goosebumps following your touch. He shifted, allowing you closer. You pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder, watching closely as the muscles tensed. Magic crackled in your fingertips as you turned his perception hazy, all so that tomorrow he would think of this as a dream.
You kissed the back of his neck next, your hands running down the center of his back. His wings fluttered. Grazing a thumb over the sensitive point where his wings met his skin, Azriel let out a cross between a moan and whine.
Heat pooled in between your thighs.
You kissed his temple, cozying up to his body, soaking up the heat coming off of him.
He mumbled your name.
You scratched your fingers over his short hair, reveling in the way he shivered. Azriel and you used to play a game on nights when either of you were too lost in your head. The calmer one would take control for the night, luring the other in and out of sleep.
Azriel was murmuring more now, shifting in his sleep. You grinned. He was coming to. In a few moments, you’d actually be able to talk to him. It had been months of shadowing him like a fucking stalker. It was embarrassing, how just seeing him instantly took a weight off your shoulders.
He turned to lay on his side, eyes fluttering open. You leaned down, pressing a kiss to his mouth, chuckling when he swiped a tongue across your lips and deepened the kiss.
You pulled away, scanning every faint freckle and faded scar on his face. Half-lidded eyes watched you in return, his tongue darting to lick his bottom lip.
“Is this a dream?”
The raw, raspy words hit you in the gut and sorrow tugged at your chest. You missed him.
Instead of responding, you surged forward, mouth pressed to the skin of his collarbone, teeth grazing flesh. He turned to lay flat, wings pinned awkwardly between his bed and body. His head fell backwards, exposing a bobbing throat.
Your lips latched onto the skin there, sucking as you went, careful not to leave lasting marks. Azriel’s hand trailed up your side, fingers practiced as he unlaced your leathers. You tugged off your top, exposing the cloth wrap around your breasts. Making quick work of the wrappings, you dropped them next to the bed and went back to marking up your mate.
“Sweetness-“ His limbs were still heavy with sleep, but his eyes were all too alert as you tugged off his pants, his chest already exposed. You trailed kisses from one side of his chest to the other, tongue hot as you settled onto his right nipple, swirling around the hardened skin.
The broken moan that echoed through the room prompted a grin from you. It had been months of imagining, months of yearning. To finally cave and touch him, the feeling threatened to consume your very being.
You caught sight of his shadows, grinning as you motioned towards his face. Seeming to understand, they snaked around his eyes, blocking his vision. He huffed, grasping at your hips.
Heady emotion rushed through you as you shifted focus to his left nipple, nibbling on the skin in the way Azriel liked. A slight buck of his hips to grind against you let you know he felt the same way. Taking away his sight always made him so much more sensitive. You shimmied out of your pants, dropping them onto your pile of clothes. You’d have to be quick when you got dressed.
The thought was sobering, but you pushed it aside. No sense in hurting yourself more than once. You latched back onto his skin, kissing down the hard planes of his abdomen, savoring every curve.
“You look so perfect, sweetheart.” Azriel nearly keened at your words as your palm trailed up his thigh, massaging the thick muscle. He tensed beneath you. You sucked on the skin over his hip bone, ignoring the way his cock strained in his pants. His legs trembled as you continued touching everywhere but where he wanted it.
Azriel was going to die if you didn’t touch him. Every time your lips made contact with his skin it set a part of him on fire, and he was burning from the inside out. You were here, in front of him. A tangible thing.
He would let you have your way, but his impatience won out. You let out a yelp as Azriel gripped your hips, pulling you up and then under him. The shadows scattered, instead coming to watch all around him. He buried his head into your neck, breathing your scent in deeply. It had become such a comfort to him, that mixture of jasmine and incense.
“You’re here. You’re mine.” His lips attached to the junction of your neck and collarbone, sucking and nibbling on the skin while you were rendered breathless beneath him.
He could never get tired of the feeling.
Your hands came around his body, feeling for that sensitive spot at the base of his wings. Your fingers sent electric shocks through him, and when you found it, he thought he might cum from it alone. He whined as you stroked along the tips of his wings, cock pulsing and rubbing against the seam of his pants. Azriel buried his face in your breasts, shaking with your every movement. He hadn’t had sex since you disappeared. Couldn’t, not without you.
Desire crackled in his blood as you continued your ministrations, moans bubbling up in his throat as though he was a teenager all over again.
“I missed you, Az.” The words would be his undoing.
He choked on the rush of emotions that overtook him, tears pricking at his eyes.
You’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive.
The fact that you were here with him was too much. It wasn’t enough.
He moved down your body, pulling your panties with him until they gathered at your knees. The calculating, wild look in your eyes made his cock throb. He debated ripping your panties off of your body but decided against it, instead letting you pull your legs from the fabric and then tossing them somewhere into his room.
Calloused hands caressed your skin and you shivered, Azriel’s body hovering over you like some vision of a dark angel. His fingers trailed up you inner thighs, parting them until he made contact with the spot you needed him. You mewled as his fingers grazed your clit, jolting at the increased sensitivity. His face twisted into a look of reverence, and a part of your heart broke.
You surged forward, his finger still rubbing your clit, and smashed your lips against his. His shadows wrapped around your limbs, featherlight in touch. A fever was threatening to take you. You needed him, now. Every inch of you yearned for his touch, needed him closer.
Azriel let out a startled groan when you nipped at his lips, your tongue swiping into his mouth. He took the moment to slide a finger into you, leaving you gasping at the intrusion. A second finger was added and before long, that all too familiar knot tightened in your stomach. You pulled him closer. His wings arched above you and you reached behind him again, fingers finding the spot that had him cumming no matter what. The underside of his wing, right next to where wing met flesh. He swiped at your clit and your back arched, legs trembling. But you’d made up your mind, he was going to cum with you.
You played with that spot as he pumped his fingers in and out of you, a chorus of whimpering moans and gasps coming from both your lips. He bared his teeth as you massaged his skin, body shaking with restraint. Your orgasm was fast approaching as he added a third finger.
“Az, please,” you weren’t sure what you were even asking for.
He continued his pace, rubbing at your clit in rough figure eights. Your orgasm washed over you, and your nails scrapped over Azriel’s wings. He came with a roar, slumping into you as he let you ride out your own climax. Your legs shook under his, and you went limp as you slowly came to.
“I love you, Azriel.” He lifted his head, hazel eyes brimmed with tears.
You cooed, using your right arm to pull him down to your chest and rake your fingers through his sweaty hair. Your other arm came around him, massaging the tail of his spine as he dropped his weight onto you. He murmured the same words to you, broken and full of pain, and for a brief moment, you allowed the wall between you to come down. Grief came rushing in, followed by anger and fear, and before you knew it tears were streaming down your face. Rhys would lose his mind if he found out you were here. But watching Azriel grieve for a woman who hadn’t even died was too much to bare, even for you.
“I love you.” The words were a prayer against your skin as Azriel’s breath evened out. You sighed against him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple before guiding him off of you. As you did, his eyes flashed open and his expression morphed into one of pure panic, hands grasping your sides and fingers digging into your skin.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. Just need to clean up.” He nodded, watching you again with those half-lidded eyes. You left the room, padding into his bathroom and pushing away that distressed feeling in your chest. You grabbed a rag and dampened it in the sink, returning to Azriel half asleep on the bed. You’d stay until he was dreaming once again.
It didn’t take long to clean him up and switch out his clothes, dressing and then curling up beside him, knowing that it would be weeks before you’d see him again. As his breathing evened out and his body went limp, Azriel’s shadows curled around your shoulders and arms.
“I have to go again, my loves. Take care of him?” They gave your wrists a little squeeze before scattering, allowing you to leave in the dead of night. With each step you took, a brick was added to the wall between you and your mate, and you buried your breaking heart within it.
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jealousveronya · 1 year
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Feyre to Rhys: You want soup?
Nesta to Cassian: You want a biscuit?
Elain if she accepts the bond:
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flaviedub · 6 months
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Feysand art, rereading the whole series again cause I have never read acosf
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arson-09 · 2 months
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i just finished acowar and i will cry because of how much i love tamlin
He fucks up in the start but he truly does what he can to make up for it. Double crossing hybern from the start, Helping feyre when her and azriel retrieved elain, dragging beron by the neck to fight against hybern
literally saving rhysands life. Those two men HATE eachother yet he saved rhysand and told feyre to be happy, thats all he wanted in exchange was for feyre to promise to be happy. Then afterwards he left, not drawing anything out because he knew feyre and rhysand wouldnt want to talk to him.
He doesnt really need a redemption arc, hes already done so much to redeem himself.
God i hate the fking holiday novella even more because of what rhysands tells him. Fuck sjm for that unnecessary bullshit just leave tamlin alone so he can heal like feyre wants him too
otherwise like maybe a 1.5-2 star book? ill write a better review when im mot emotionally unstable because of some blond fae. Now i have all the highlights and details i need to write a healing fic for him
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acourtofsmut · 2 years
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sleepy shadows
(softdom!azriel x sleepysub!reader)
rating: (NSFW/18+)
a/n: hello, lovelies!! 😇 I took an edible, and this came out from within my soul. This is barely edited and super short… whoops. 😬 But, I saw someone post the other day in search of Azriel content with shadow play, and I’ve been thinking about that ever since. Here you go! Enjoy! 🤗🫶🏻
warnings: smut, sensory/erogenous zone play, shadow play, sleepy sex, overstimulation kind of (f. receiving), and softdom vibes
Your eyes felt heavy, every so often they would slip shut only to be jolted awake. That familiar tug in your chest soothing you back to sleep. His chest was currently pressed up against your back while you both laid on your side on the bed, one hand cushioning your neck as the other torturing your naked figure.
A teasing hand traces your ribs leaving you riddled with goosebumps and slightly gasping for air. You want to thrash away from those lovely, tortuous hands.
Curl away from them, but you force yourself to curl into them.
To endure it because it feels so overwhelmingly pleasurable. His hands gliding up to circle your nipples. Your nipples have always been an erogenous zone, eliciting little gasps and moans to escape your lips. Always making your hips start to buck in search of friction. Instinctively, you reach a hand back and grasp at his neck, threading your fingers through his silky black hair in order to lock you two together.
“Stop being so cruel…” you sigh, tightening your grip in his hair, a pout gracing your lips. A scarred finger traces down the front of your stomach. The place you are the most ticklish… as his finger lowers, your abs clench in anticipation of his destination. You can’t help but mewl, whining out a breathless, “pleeease.”
Your pleas only earn you a throaty chuckle, “stop being so needy…” Azriel growls softly at the back of your ear. In a shiver of pleasure, you arch your back, pressing your butt against his hard member. He starts to slowly thrust once his cock settles snugly between your cheeks, grunting lightly.
Suddenly, you feel that familiar shadowy presence along your skin, immediately recognizing the tingle of the comforting darkness.
His shadows.
They start to trace along your skin like his fingers, honing in on the particularly sensitive areas. Within seconds, you are quivering. A ball of pleasure, almost too overwhelming.
That ache in your core becoming too much to bare, you beg, “inside me… please. Put it inside me…. Wa-wanna…”.
“Okay, sweet girl. Okay…,” he interrupts soothingly as his tip swipes at the wetness between your legs. His voice turning a bit more rough, “I’ll fill you right up, (y/n),” he growls possessively, his arms wrapping around you. Holding you just the way he wants you.
Your body completely exhausted, all you want is a release. “But, I’m so tired. I-I- don’t know… I-if I can move,” you manage to get out drowning in sleepy bliss. You want to cum, but you can barely keep your eyes open. Knowing exactly what you need, his hand strokes along your head, “I’ll take care of you, my love, just relax…,” cock pushing inside of you slowly.
Inch by inch. Filling you up deliciously. The head of his cock massaging against that spot that has you whimpering, out of breath. Once he’s full sheathed inside you, you feel his shadows start to play with your clit. You gasp as the motion feels exactly as if it’s his tongue licking you.
The shadows increase their pace, wiggling back and forth vigorously while adding a bit more pressure. Your breath catches, eyes rolling back as the pleasure turns hot and you feel yourself clench around his cock. He groans slightly thrusting a bit more inside, his shadows beginning to vibrate.
A searing hot pleasure shoots through your body, tensing as you cum hard, his arms wrapped around you tighten bracing you for the pleasure he was bringing you.
Your core beginning to pulse, milking his cock as you rock back against him. Squeezing him until you are just left twitching every once in a while.
Collecting your breath, eyes closed, you feel so high. Carefree, drunk on pleasure, you let him continue thrusting.
Just taking the overwhelming sensation, Azriel groans in your ear, “I’m close, sweet girl. I’m cumming inside that adorable, perfect pussy,“ he purrs into your ear. A couple more thrusts and he paints your walls, his seed warming you from within. Coming to a stop, Azriel slowly pulls out of your warmth, the both of you hissing softly at the disconnect.
The last thing you hear is “go to sleep my love, I’ll take care of you.” Your mind going fuzzy and in utter bliss, your brain finally allows you to fall asleep.
(thank you so much for reading this far! much love 🤍)
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greenleaf777 · 5 months
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Do you know how many new readers I have come across that were told that Gwynriel was the endgame love story only to read the actual books and end up confused cause they only see Elriel and gwynriel is nowhere to be seen???? Why are gwynriels purposely misleading people? LOOOL
Why lie? They’re gonna read the books and find out anyways. Upping the numbers into your ship doesn’t mean that SJM will write gwynriel all of a sudden.
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uukipi · 28 days
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Miss maas!!!!! Give him a W or I’m gonna cry
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"i have no regrets in this life, but this. that we did not have time. that i did not have a home with you, nesta.
i will find you again in the next world--the next life. and we will have that time. i promise." -acowar p.652
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davinaclaire16 · 4 months
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Wings of Dusk pt. 10
AzrielxReader + HelionxReader
Warnings: abuse. War
I just wanted to thank everyone who's been patient with me. I've had two emergency surgeries and a death in my family so it's taken me second. I appreciate everyone support so much!!
“Cassain! Where is he Rhysand?” You had burst into the camps healing tent. It had been a month since the fight between you and Azriel. A month since you’d been Mated to Helion. Unfortunately for the two of you the wall had fallen the next day and since then there had been battle after battle. You didn’t have time to talk about it or let any one know and right now as you were standing soaked in blood waiting to see if Cassain was ok it was the furthest thing from your mind.
“He’s going to be ok Y/n’ it was then that Rhysand had actually looked at you. Soaked in blood your white leathers had turned crimson red a long time ago. There were bags under your eyes and dried blood in your hair. He didn’t know where the blood stopped and you begun. He knew that you were exhausted. You all were but he had watched you slash your way through half of Hyberns army. Knew that you were pulling more that your fair share of the force on the ground while him and his brothers took to the sky. He had watched you time and time again from the sky jump in front of your men ready to die for every single one of them but here you stood unharmed.
“Y/n you need to rest please” he hoped that you would listen because having you and Feyre out there fighting was too much. He couldn’t afford to loose anyone in his family but he had lost You and Feyre once and couldn’t… wouldn’t do it again. With Feyre he could always feel the bond know in a second if something was wrong. He couldn’t do the same for you at all. He could get Feyre to rest. Could plead with her to fall back and Feyre would always understand respect his worry. With you he couldn’t tell or ask you to do anything. If he told you to pull back you pushed forward. If he said take a break you’d work twice as hard. He didn’t know how to protect you because you wouldn’t let him or anyone.
“I’m fine Rhysand” hearing this Rhys got visibly agitated. His weight shifted from foot to foot. It took real effort on his part not to roll his eyes into the back of his head.
“You are not fine. None of us are fine but you haven’t taken more then 15 mins since the first battle. You need to take a break. I mean seriously y/n when was the last time you slept.?”
Your brother was right you were not fine but to be honest you didn’t know how to be. There was something about war…you couldn’t just sit and do nothing. Couldn’t sleep when you could be training or coming up with battle strategies. You couldn’t do nothing when your family…your men were risking their lives and could be dead any second. This was where everything you’d ever been taught came into play. Where years of insisted perfection paid off. Because anything less then perfection out on that battle field could cost you and somebody else there life. You were prepared to die every time you stepped out of your tent. Ready to give your life for anyone of your soldiers on that field.
“I know your worried about me brother. The same as I’m worried about you. But just as you can’t promise me you will live, I can’t promise you either. However I can keep the promise we made as children.” With that you had told Rhys to update you about Cassain, gave him a hug and exited the tent. You remembered back to that promise Rhys and you had made centuries ago. You remembered that night like it was a week ago.
“Father I think maybe it would be wiser not to involve Rhysand in this war.” You pleaded for your brothers safety to your father. You knew that you were walking a very dangerous line but you had to try. Hell your mother had even requested you to “talk some sense into your father” which of course she didn’t need to do she had asked while you were already on the way to his office. Whenever your family needed something from your father it was always you they would send. Like they knew you were the only one who could be in his presence that he wouldn’t immediately beat. This night was a strangely quiet night at your home.
“Absolutely not Y/n. He is my son he will fight. No matter how insistent you and your mother are.” your father was sitting at his desk he didn't offer you anymore than a glance. You could feel your nerves this kind of defiance was unlike you. Typically your defiance was classier. It could almost go undetected like a faint thread of manipulation hidden under a smile and a logical response. You were calculated in everything that you did...but not that night. That night you had only one rhys life on your mind.
“Of course father, my apologies I just thought that since he’s your next successor then-“ the room was tense, you kept your wings so tightly pressed against your back the pain had started to creep its way up your shoulders.
“Enough Y/N! Your brother will fight and if he can’t survive then it’s due to his own incompetence and failure!” Your fathers word stung. You didn’t know how he could care so much for you and not at all for your brother and sister. It was clear your father didn’t care if Rhys was ready to fight. Or even if he was given a better chance of survival. You could see on your fathers desk that he planned to place Rhysand right on the front lines. It was almost as if your father was trying to get your brother killed.
“At least keep him in the sky with Azriel and Cassian! They fight better together.” the second the words left your mouth you knew it would send him into a rage.
“Y/N you forget your place!” Your fathers voice boomed, He stood from his desk so fast you flinched on instinct. His voice so loud you were sure that it carried down the hall where your family was residing. But you had to continue, it wasn't an option not to make him change his mind. Otherwise your brother would pay the price.
“I’ll fight on the front lines in his place! Just please father.” You spit the words out as fast as you could before your father could throw you out.
“You can’t keep protecting that boy Y/n. One day that protection will cost you your life.”
That day you had left your fathers office with a black eye, a busted lip and a guaranteed death sentence on the front lines. You knew that he would retaliate by your lack of obedience but you couldn’t afford not to fight him. Not when the cost was your brother. For as long as you could remember you always protected your mother, sister, and brother. Had taken lashes, foul words, and their punishment so that they could have some sense of peace. Kept the true price for their safety as secret as you could. Glamoured the marks. Put on the mask of confidence and indifference.
Later that day your brother had come running into your room
“Y/N! I just talked to father and got my assignment and placement in the war effort. Get this he’s keeping me in the sky.. same fleet as Azriel and Cassian! I can’t believe it. Whats your assignment? Did he give you your own fleet to command or are somewhere higher. Maybe commander?” Rhys had ran in so quickly that you almost didn’t have time to glamour your face. But the second you saw the joy on his face all the pain washed away. like it did every single time. How many times had you hid the bruises and scars upon your body for your siblings... you couldn't keep track anymore but every time you saw their faces the pain or thought of telling them disappeared
“Umm I am on the front lines” You mustered every bit of confidence you had to try and calm Rhysands worry. You could tell if wasnt nearly enough as you watched your brother begin to panic and break down.
“What?!? No! Why would he do such a thing. I thought for certain he’d give you something. Of more importance! This is absurd. I’ll go talk to him! HE CANT… He JUST CANT-
“HE CAN. And He did. And YOU! Will not breathe one word of this to him. Do you understand?” You waited for Rhys to reply needed him to tell you he wouldn’t provoke your father further. But Rhys only stood there staring at you. So you walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders
“Do you understand Rhysand?” you meant it as a question but it came out more as a demand.
“yes I understand” he answered meekly you sighed a thank you to the Mother.
“Thank you.... And Rhys don’t argue with father. Do as he says and listen to his every command. Especially on that battle field.” Rhys only laughed and rolled his eye at your comment.
“Pfft come on Y/n, I know, I know.” Your brother laughed like you weren’t being serious. Like it was something you warned him of everyday. Which he wasn’t wrong but your father wouldn’t be as “forgiving” with Rhys now. He would actually expect Rhysand to perform otherwise it was his reputation that was put at risk.
“I’m serious Rhysand. Do not provoke him. Do not give him any reason to reprimand you. You need to be training everyday and not just till you’re tired like you do now. You need to practice until you’re perfect. He will expect you to be the epitome of perfection and wrath on the battle field.”
“Please I’m not you y/n he couldn’t give two shits about how I perform. I’ve worked my ass off trying to prove I could be worth his Time but no matter how “perfect” I perform, it all about you.” Rhysands words came with a bite. Underlined with jealousy. You wished your father cared for Rhys and your sister....more than anything. But if your ability to protect them meant they had to stay out of his eyesight you would fill this roll everytime.
“I won’t be around forever to protect you from him Rhys. This time he put me in the grunt position and you in the high seat. He’s not expecting me not to embarrass him. I’m expected to be dead before that fight begins. You will be the one who will have to be perfect for him because any weakness in you will make him look bad. You’re his trophy now not me. You will have to protect our sister and mother from him once I’m gone. DO NOT PROVOKE HIM ANYMORE. No more running out with Cassian and Az acting like children. He will take notice and I won’t be there to distract him.” You had never been so serious with Rhys before. Had never spoken to him with such aggression and demand for him to understand. But you needed him to understand because you could not protect him once you were gone. You had shielded him from this for a long as you could.
Rhys didn’t know what to do. He was shocked and scared. Like for the first time he got a glimpse of the pressure and weight that laid on your shoulders. Never thought about how much exactly you shielded him and your sister from. He knew that many times you were the difference between being beat and being sent to his room but had you given more for his protection then he thought? All of these things ran through his mind but what he couldn’t get over was how easily you had admitted you were going to die. How that was the last thing on your mind. But it was the biggest on his mind
“Do you really believe your going to die” Rhys tried to say without shedding a tear but it was clear that he was about to become a mess.
“Oh Rhys I- I will always be honest with you when you ask me something you know that….the truth is that it’s very likely almost impossible not to on the front line.”
“You can’t die out there y/n. Promise me you won’t die out there.” Rhysands voice cracked and tears streamed down his face.
“Rhys I can’t promise you that.” You couldn’t promise him you’d survive so you did the only thing you could do. you held him and for a while the two of you didn’t say anything. Accepting that the each of you could die very soon.
“I can’t promise you I’ll live. But I do promise that I will die fighting to stay alive for you. Can you promise me the same?
“I can. I promise y/n.” And just like that a tattoo formed on your body right behind your ear with a matching tattoo behind Rhys ear.
To this day it was the only tattoo on your body. You didn’t believe in promises did everything you could to avoid them actually but it was a promise that kept you and Rhys connected. A promise that reminded you of how your relationship with your brother used to be. How he used to look up to you and trusted you…. Now you were last person he’d trust to do his laundry. Just another hurdle in his life as High Lord.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{+}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Again! I want it perfect this time!” It had been 3 weeks since Cassian was injured and thank the Mother he was back on his feet. Rhysand had asked you to lead a fleet of rejected Illyrians. Illyrians who had failed miserably every step of their training.
“Y/n please if anyone could make them capable fighters in this short amount of time. It’s you. I’d ask Cassian but he’s healing right now.”
“Rhysand I’m already leading a fleet of day soldiers. Also their Illyrians and I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’m a female…they won’t listen to me.”
“Then make them.”
And that is how you had ended up here. With Day soldiers and Illyrians at each others throats. The Illyrians had actually improved impressively since the first week. You were quick to put them in their place and after three weeks of hard non stop training some of them had even come to respect you. Others were still learning that it was possible a female could run laps around them. On the other hand the Day soldiers were continued to give you an impressive amount of respect and obedience they were more skilled then most of the Illyrians but that was only because they had been training with you longer. But the respect and courteousness of Day combined with the Arrogance and disrespect of the Illyrians didn’t mix well. It led to unnecessary tension you would have to fix. At any moment another battle could arise and they would have to fight with each without trying to kill the other. You had been stuck in your own thoughts when you spotted Helion outside your tent.
“Kemal and Theo grab a weapon and step into the ring Everyone else work on your blocks and dodges.” Kemal had been the Illyrian who had improved the most while Theo was your best soldier from Day. You were truly curious to see who would best who. But you had business to attend to first.
“When I get back everything better be in order or we aren’t breaking for dinner till breakfast” you said as you walked into your tent with Helion following.
“Helion… what do I owe the pleasure?”
“What I can’t come see my mate without a reason” Helion teased while placing a kiss on my temple. You simply laughed.
“I suppose you don’t. However my mate typically does have a reason.” You and Helion had decided not to accept the bond until after the war and to keep the bond a secret until after as well. But you two would undoubtedly accept it the second the war was over. The two of you had found solice and joy in each other in such an awful time. With flirty remarks and touches you kept each other fae while the world threatened to make monsters out of you.
“Ok fine you got me I’m checking in to see how your troops progress is going.”
Helion had taken a seat on your cot and you had found your self standing between his legs running your hands through his hair.
“They are progressing well. I’m no longer worried about the Illyrians fighting they improved however now I worry about the tension between the two groups.” You whispered and could feel Helion relax under your touch
“I don’t understand why your brother gave you them in the first place. You have far exceeded enough favors for him. He cant just keep expecting you to jump to his every whim. What will he do when you become my High Lady? Continue to treat you like your less than-“
“High lady?” You didn’t know why his words had shocked you so much it hadn’t even occurred to you that you’d become a High Lords mate. It wasn’t that you hadn’t expected Helion to treat you as an equal it was more that you had given up those foolish dreams long ago.
“Oh Y/n sorry I didn’t mean to assume you’d court me after I just had thought we were on the same page.”
“No-no Hel that’s not what I meant we are on the same page. I just I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about what my title would be.”
“Did you expect to be anything less? You are my mate. My equal and your brother started something of importance I intend to uphold.”
“Oh Hel I lo-“
“Y/N! I need you now!” Rhysand had come running into the room so fast I had withdrawn my weapon from the sheer shock of it. Helion had instinctively stepped in front of you
“Rhysand you cannot just storm into my tent and demand I go with you.”
“It’s Azriel” that’s all he had to say and you were as serious as could be and running out of your tent without thought. Leaving Helion and rushing to Az.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Y/N thank the mother your here….it’s his wings y/n we need your help.” Cassian looked like more of an emotional reck then Rhys. You could feel the pit of worry growing to a disastrous size. You had no idea what to expect.
“Ahhhhhh, STOP, AHHHHH” you could hear Azriels screams from outside the door. You felt like you were going to be sick like everything in you depended on him surviving.
“Y/N! You need to get in there.” Both Cassian and Rhys stated. They looked like the two little boys you remember making food for. For a split second they mirrored their younger selves coming and pleading to you to make all their problems disappear. But as much as you wanted to make their sorrow go away your feet wouldn't budge. You had no control over your body.
“What?!? I can’t go in there. No I….I can’t.” You couldn’t go in there and see the shape he was in, you would break down the second you saw him.
“Y/N you have to. You’ve studied wings and repairs and clipping reversals for centuries. You studied under Madja. Y/N I’ve seen you save hundreds of wings and Madja needs your help and another person skilled enough to heal his wings so he can still fly after.” Everything they said made sense. It was all logical and you knew that. But it didn’t change that your feet were glued where they were. You indeed had studied under Madja. After you lost your wings you were obsessed with finding a way to reattach them it drove you mad. Once you realized it was just an impossible obsession. Your motivation for the knowledge changed to finding a way to heal or reverse clippings for all those poor girls. Even Illyrian soldiers who’d been injured in the war. You had secretly set up a safe haven for girls who needed immediate help in the mountains. You couldn’t always save the wings but if you couldn’t you could at least ease the pain they’d feel for the rest of their lives.
You were by no means a better healer than Madja you wouldn’t even say you were a healer. You were just skilled in this one area of study because maybe if there was someone who knew all that you knew your back wouldn’t ache everyday. Madja was the best, a great healer and she had taught you well you had just “specialized” and been able to do more with wings.
“Y/N Madja is asking for you” you heard Rhysand say. You wished, wished that you could pull yourself together right now but everything was foggy and blurring together all you could hear was Azriels cries and with each of them you felt more faint. Everyone was frantic, crying, screaming at you. But you couldn’t pull your self out of this state until
“y/n…I know that you love him. I know he is a very dear friend to you and I know that this cannot be easy. I know that your fear and worry for him is over taking you and that is understandable. But right now he needs you to help him.” Feyre spoke to you softly and with love. You could see her compassion and even her own fear in her eyes. Those eyes got your attention enough to realize the severity of the situation and that time was running out.
“Yes I’m. Im sorry. Thank you” you said as you entered the room that Azriel was in. He was laying on his stomach. Head tossing with his arms hanging of the bed. The first thing you saw was blood. There was so much blood. His wings had cuts , breaks, and tares all over them. It was awful, heartbreaking to see his once strong wings torn and tattered. The next thing you noticed was how much pains he was in. His cries and jerking. How every time he jerked or moved the more blood there was.
“Mother thank you, Y/N I need some help stabilizing him. He won’t calm down and if he doesn’t calm down soon he will have lost to much blood.”
Immediately you started to help Madja try and stop the bleeding. You grabbed a cloth and began to apply pressure to his left wing. You weren’t prepared for the screams and cries that came from him.
“I’m sorry….I’m sorry.” You had whispered under your breath over and over again.
“Y/n! I need you to calm him down” Madja instructed.
I can’t I’ll get Rhys or Cassian they can talk to him and Rhys can help ease his pain.
“No they’ve gone to get more elixirs form my office”
You tried to ask him to calm down but nothing. So finally you went to the head of the bed and crouched down so that the two of you were face to face.
“Az I need you stay still for me.” His face was scrunched up and tears were streaming down his face. You didn’t know what else to do so you went with your gut. You brought one of your hands and cupped his cheek while the other grabbed his hand and held it.
“It’s going to be ok Azriel. I’m here I’m going to help you. But I need you to calm down for me. I will not stop until I know that you’ll fly again. But I need you to calm down because every time you jerk or thrash you loose more blood.”
“Y/n i…I’m sorr-“
“None of that. None of that matters right now. Right now I need you to know that I have you. And that I’m sorry for what I have to do. Hold onto this bar ok this is going to hurt.” He squeezed your hand and met you eyes once more. It was a glace that told each of you everything you needed to know.
After he had calmed down you, you tied your hair back and instructed Madja.
“Madja we need to reset the bones now if he stands a chance to ever use them again.”
“That will be far to painful without anymore elixir.” Madja responded with a pained look on her face almost like she was praying that Rhys and Cassian would walk through those doors right now.
“I know that. But we have already lost vital time. And too much blood. It we don’t reset them now then that’s it.” You didnt want to be the fae doing this. prayed to the mother that someone could take your place or that he hadnt been hurt in the first place. Something in you called out to him willing him to hold on. Ensuring him you would do everything you could.
“How much time do we have to wait” was her only reply. As you looked at his body laying on the table you knew he didnt have long but you werent sure if you could bring yourself to break his bone with no way of easing his pain.
“We can only wait 5 more minutes but that mean we don’t have a second to make a mistake we will have to be perfect”
“You’re the expert on this Y/n I’ll follow your instruction” you spared one more glance at Azriel and made a decision within yourself.
“5 minutes” and those were the longest 5 minutes of your lifetime. You and Madja spent it packing his open wounds and staring at the door. By the end of the five minutes you were curing the mother that the only thing your power was capable of was destructive. It consumed and snuffed out unlike feyres or rhysands. They could silence pain, help heal and all you could do was expediate death.
“Thats 5 minutes” you stated with zero joy there was no sign of Rhys or Cass and you would of cursed them but just as you were about to break the first bone Cass and Rhys come running into the room with at least Madja whole stock of Elixirs.
“Give it to him now!” You said and broke the first bone and the scream that fell from Azriels mouth broke your heart. But you knew you had no choice but to keep going and with each break another agonizing scream.
“Rhysand! Put him to sleep!” You yelled at Rhysand while breaking and resetting 2 more bones.
“What I thought Madja said-“
“PUT HIM TO SLEEP RHYSAND” it’s wasn’t instruction or a question it was a command and Rhys didn’t dare finish that sentence and quickly put Azriel to sleep.
“Out” was all you said and Madja shoved them out.”
Madja turned and for just a second watched as a tear rolled down your face. How you moved swiftly and precisely. Not making a single mistake completely focused on repairing his wings. You worked and worked until there was no more work to do.
14 long grueling hours of, resetting, packing, bandaging, and more work but after 14 hours you would of gone 32 hours to know for certain he’d fly again. It wasn't until you were done and collapsed that Cassian had come to retrieve you. You were nothing more than a statue exhausted, silent, and covered in Azriels blood. Cassian had brought you to the shower and helped clean the blood off of you. He didn't expect any words to be exchanged he knew that you had shut out any emotion while you were working on him so everything came up once you were done.
Cassain had seen you like this once before when your family had been murdered. Found you curled up outside of your fathers office staring off into a void. Tried to get you to speak but nothing. He stayed with you all night that night just sitting there with you. You had even completly shocked him that moring when rhysand came down the hall and you shot up, pulled yourself together and were the image of perfection. Went right to taking care of Rhys like there was nothing wrong with you to begin with. If Cas hadnt sat with you all night he would of thought their death had no affect on you. It was that morning Cas realized just how much you loved rhys. How much of yourself you hid away to care for him. How much you had given to become the strong, capable and invincible older sister that all of them had known their whole life. Azriel and Cas had found a way to see through the mask throughout the centuries. It took a long time and it was still difficult to see through they had seen all the signs through out years and years of friendship that showed you were just a female with the weight of prythian on her shoulders. Cas didnt think Rhys was ever able to see through the mask. He still treated you like you were unbreakable. You were and always have been his very capable rock of an older sister.
So now Cas knew what was going to happen. Knew that come morning you would go right back to working like Azriel almost dying had never happened. Like having to hear his screams and be the one to keep pulling him back from death was just another tuesday. But for tonight he'd help wash off the blood and force you to stop scrubbing under your nails when there is no more traces of blood so you didnt rub your hands raw. Hold you while you screamed and beat his chest while tears streamed down your face, insisting you were fine. He would hold you all night while you sobbed and found irrational ways to blame yourself. That is exactly what Cas did and the next morning when Rhys came to check in with you he watched as you smiled at your brother and asked him "why wouldn't I be ok brother? He's fine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Azriel had slept for 5 days. Slowly coming in and out. Any second you had that wasn’t spent teaching was spent next to Azriel, watching his vitals, tending to his wounds , and ensuring the wing bracing hadn’t slipped or moved. Yet the second he awoke you stayed away. You didn’t know what it was that kept you away after he had awoken.
The fear that he didn’t want to see you? That you weren’t ready to forgive him? You didn’t know. Maybe it was that you’d never kept secrets from him and now you were mated and you didn’t know why that made a difference but it did. Was it that you couldn’t trust yourself around him? Or maybe it was simply that Helion had confronted you while he was asleep about the way you felt.
“Y/n I’m not trying to sound jealous or pushing over my line I just want to ensure that you feel nothing for him in that way anymore.”
“Helion you’re joking right? He’s unconscious. I’m simply helping a friend.”
“Y/n this is the first time I’ve talk to you in a week. You have avoided, pushed me off, and ran from me. While your every second is spent here in this tent with him. Rhysand and Madja have assured me and you that he will wake. That he’s fine…..if this is just you worrying for a friend then I entirely understand. However you can’t blame me for being worried. I found out you were my mate the same night you tried to start a relationship with him. I just want to check in with you about where you stand with this bond…..that we want the same thing.
“Helion I- I don’t know what I want the war is all I can think about and then Azriel got hurt. I was concerned for my friend.”
“Ok y/n I understand…. I think it’s best that we pull back a little then. Maybe completely until after the war that just so you have time to think about what you want.”
“Hel that’s not what I meant-“
“Y/n my sweet I am not mad at you. Nothing I have said was against you. You have every right to love whoever and want whatever it is that makes you happy. I’ve just. I’ve loved before and I’ve been stripped of that love. That was one of the hardest things I have been through and I don’t know if I could survive the rejection from my mate if I let myself continue to fall in love with you. Don’t get me wrong I’m already so far deep but I could pull myself out and keep some of my heart. But if don’t pull myself back and I continue to let myself have everything that I want and you were to change your mind it would break me. My heart is yours to have if you want it. All I’m asking is that your sure it’s my heart that you want before we continue.” With that Helion had kissed your forehead and left you outside of the medic tent.
If you had been paying attention you may of caught the pair of eyes from inside that were locked on you and Helion. Maybe of even seen the way Azriel had tried to push him self up to hear the whispered fight the two of you were having.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Y/N” he’s been asking for you.
“I’m not going I have far to much work to do and not enough time.” Rhysand only sighed at you. This is the 5th person who had come to your tent and pleaded with you to see Azriel. First it was Cassain going on and on about how if it weren’t for that one fight you’d be right by his side and instead of him trying to get you to see him, he’d be trying to get you to leave.
When you had told Cassian to fuck off then they sent Mor who described in vivid detail how every time someone walks into the medic tent Azriel is practically breaking his neck to see if it was you. That he is just wrecked with guilt over everything he said. When you had told her you didn’t care she just walked out in disbelief.
Then they had decided to send Feyre…thought maybe because she stopped you from panicking maybe she could convince you to go see him. “Y/n please I know he hurt you. But doesn’t that pale in comparison after almost losing him? I saw you that day you care for him and up until he woke up you were there. Why is it different now that he’s awake?” You had only told Feyre that your decision had been made.
Before they had sent Amren you thought they had given up. Turns out they were just deliberating on who to send. “Girl you need to get your shit together and see the boy.” “No I don’t.” “You need to come see him if I have to watch him mope around like a kicked dog one more day I’m going to kill somebody.” Amren had just stormed out. She gave you the impression that if she had stayed a little longer she would have shared something with you she wasn’t supposed to.
Eventually you found yourself here arguing with your dear brother.
“Y/n you cannot be serious about this. You can’t avoid him forever” Rhysand only pleaded with you.
“I am, I can, and he made it very clear he wanted me to stay away that Is what I’m doing.” You were tired of this. You knew they had watched him say those things to you. Knew what it meant to you. How could they still be insistent you needed to get over it.
“Y/N he didn’t mean-
“I don’t care. I’m not going. I took beatings, I went with Amarantha, I have stayed in your court. Took in your Illyrian troops, saved his wings, and jeopardized a relationship I really cared about by the way, I have sense agreed to seduce Eris about Beron joining this war. What more do you want from me brother? You were broken, could feel all the tape and glue coming apart. Helion had decided to give you space. You couldn’t blame him it was smart and responsible for the both of you. But that left you alone with a troop at each others throat. And friends dying everyday. You just wanted everyone to let you be.
“I want you to go see him.” Was his only reply and you couldn’t believe it or could you? All you were to him was a chess piece to play. Not a sister, not a friend, or a member of his court. Just a pawn to be placed. With that he made his way out of your tent but right before he left you simply replied with what you realized he wanted from you.
“Of course my lord”
What you didn’t expect was for that to make him stop in his tracks and turn around. He stared at you for awhile and you stared back. Neither of you said a word but you could tell he wanted to say 1000 things but not one left his lips.
Rhysand felt guilt overtake him the second the words left your mouth. He knew that all he did was ask more of you. Knew what he sentenced you to under the mountain. A part of him knew he still looked up to you. While the other part only blamed you. For everything. For Mother and your little sister Marjorie. He looked at you and saw the person his father picked every time. He was too busy teaching you how to balance the courts expenses when he bested Cassain the first time. Too busy introducing you to high lords and their sons when he made carynthian. And off instructing you of the do’s and don’ts of war when mother and Marjorie were killed. He had so much bitterness in him but he knew you did everything for him. Held him together and all he did was let his bitterness take over him.
“I’m sorry about Azriel Y/n”
“Why? That may be the one thing that truly isn’t on your shoulder Rhys. He just doesn’t feel for me the way I had him.” The look that Rhysand gave you before leaving almost fooled you. Almost had you believing guilt flashed through his eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You hated coming to Rhys side of the war tents. It always got you into uncomfortable situations with someone. However we were about to head to the human lands for the last battle fortunately you had finally solidified your troops. Day soilders had learned how to loosen up, Illyrians learned some respect and they were actually getting along. The Illyrian almost made a complete 180 with them actually respecting your power. Asking you actual tips to get better had even included you in some of the barrack pranks. They were ready and you could say that you were proud of the work they had accomplished. As you thought you couldn’t help overhearing the argument coming from the medic tent and peeking in.
“I am coming. I’m fighting in that battle.” You could hear Azriel grunting as he got up from his cot.
“You are not” Cassain and Rhys were quick to respond.
“I am”
“You will not Azriel if you fight you will not fly again.” Madja interrupted and you could feel the shift in the room. Saw the way Cassain and Rhysand shared a look and the way Azriel froze.
“I forbid it Az you will stay here and that is final.” Rhysand commanded and exited the tent on the opposite end with cas and madja followings
Maybe you should of left. Maybe you should of stayed and slipped in when you saw that he was still insistent on going but you couldn’t allow that to happen.
“You better get back in that cot” you had said with your back to a supporting post of the tent.
Azriel flew his head to your voice. Like he didn’t believe it. Couldn’t
“Y/n”
“You can’t do what I know you’re about to do Azriel. You will never fly again. Take it from somebody who knows that pain doesn’t go away.”
“I have to. My entire family is fighting today. What would I be if they died while I laid in this tent.”
“It means youre safe and healing properly. It also means the hours of work I did to save those bat wings don’t go wasted.” You joked and you saw tension roll off Azriels shoulders. “Well um anyway I should get going don’t do anything stupid” as you were leaving azriel grabbed your shoulder and spun you around.
“Y/n, please don’t die. I uhhh, I need you to know... ya know about what I said its-
"Azriel. You can tell me after this war.....look you were right I am exactly what my father raised me to be. Which is why i wont die on that field, I have been in war with far worse odds and lived. I was born for times such as this." You were looking at Az but the male staring back at you wasn't someone you had ever met. There was fear and regret swirling behind his golden orbs. Fear you had never seen Azriel have but this fear was new, like if he released his grip from your shoulder his world would come crashing down.
Azriel stood staring at you with no mask to hide behind. He was wracked with terror. You were once again going into a dangerous situation without him. He would have no way of ensuring your safety... no way of knowing youd come back to but the hope he had in his heart. If that hope was the only thing that could bring you back after this war then mother he'd have more hope then there was in all of pryrinthian.
Before you knew what was happening Azriels had craddled your head back and his lips had met yours. This kiss was different than the first. It wasnt full of lust, desire, and hunger. No this kiss was gentle, it was soft and warm something you couldnt help but melt into. His tongue dipped into your mouth you couldnt help the muffled gasp that escaped from you. He smelled of cedar and ash and in this moment it was like the only thing that existed... the only thing that mattered were the two of you. His shadows danced around your two forms and it felt as if you'd been made whole could of sworn that you felt something snap in your chest. As fast as it came it had disapeared and Azriel had pulled away cupped your cheek and pressed his forehead to yours and whispered.
"just come back to me" before you could reply he had winnowed away leaving you flushed with a sense of guilt as you felt Helion tug on the bond.
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When you had finally found Mor to winnow you to the human lands it was chaotic. Humans running and some flat out calling you wicked things simply because you tried to help them. After coralling what felt like hundreds of humans it was time to have march into battle with the king of hybern. You couldnt say that you were ready but you could say that youd give everything you had to ensure the people you loved came out of this war.
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In the midst of Battle you struggled to breath there was so much blood. It was like you were drowning in it. Hybern Soldiers just kept coming so just you kept slashing them down one by one. When the battle had first started you could see Cassian and Rhys in the skies but blood coated your eyes so that all you could truly see was right in front of you. Your men surrounded you and as you looked to your left and right you could tell they were just as exhausted as you. Every now and then you or Helion would tug on the bond just to give peace of mind that the other was still ok. As time went on you weren’t sure if you’d win this war. It seemed that the Hybern Soldiers just outnumbered you. Many lives were lost and the battle went on. You used every bit of strength and ounce of magic you had. Especially when you heard Nestas scream for Cassian. It was so loud that both you and Cas had whipped your head around and if it had been a second longer both you and Cas would have been dead but you called to the power inside of you and wrapped the starlight around yours and Cassians figure tightly. Pushed up a wall of pure power to protect your men on the battle field. The blast was so strong it brought you to your knees and the scream that left you broke Cassians heart. But he Watched as you fought every second holding the shield and wall against the blast. Honestly after that the war was a blur. The only other thing you remember after that was Rhys.
You could remember right before your brother had died. You magic racing across to Hybern. To tear his very heart out for threatening Rhys. You remember the panic and dread. Your power an inch of hybern when one of his men had tackled you to the ground. And then you felt it the tattoo on your neck glow and disappear. You had sliced the soldiers throat so fast and stood. Had to know if what you felt was true and when you saw Rhys body and Feyre screaming the world went black.
The next thing you knew you were being carried by Helion off of the field. Madja over your body. You were in and out of consciousness. one second there was madja or mor, then Cas and always Hel. But it wasnt until you saw Rhys. You saw your brother and you could feel the smile on your face. Had determined he was there to take you home.
"rhys...' you let out with a shaky breath.
"Y/N thank the mother, Y/n you are going to be ok". You could hear Panic and see tear on your brothers face which confused you. You were ready you just wanted to be with him and here he was telling you no.
"y/n please Im ok. But you have to be ok. Im alive you can come back. COME on Y/N. You promised remember.. You promised me... Y-
you watched in and out how upset rhys was how worked up he was. Saw as Cassian dragged him away and then nothing.
When you finally awoke your family filled you in and just like that you insisted you were fine. Now arguing in your room with Helion who hadn't left your side. went on about how you needed to slow down. to go back home to day and relax.
"I couldn't of lost you Y/N" Helion shared as he let out a sigh.
"Hel Im ok. Its going to be ok." you held him as he cried for awhile until he stood.
"Come back home. I'll know you're safe there. I can even ensure i dont go overboard with overprotecting you." you could see the love shing through Hels eyes. Could feel how much needed you to say yes. To let him care for you flowing through the bond.
"Ok ok... we will pack tomorrow tonight just be with me."
"I love you Y/n"
With that Helion brought you in and kissed you longingly. Like this was what he needed to ground him in your safety.
Poor Azriel couldn't pull his gaze from your bedroom window. Where he stood outside with a bouquet of flowers eye glued to the scene above him. You smiling at Helion, his hands on your hips looking down at you with so much love almost Azriel could feel it. Watched as he placed a kiss on your lips and how you only deepened it. how you leaned into him and flung your arms around his neck. Watched as Helion lifted you up with your lips still attached to one another. And he especially couldn't tear his gaze away when he felt a golden thread snap into view...connecting him to you. Azriel sat atop that mountain with those flowers with his heart breaking long after the lights of your bedroom had gone out.
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incorrectacotarwords · 7 months
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Eris to Azriel: put your hands behind your back so this is a fair fight, you can’t be trusted to use those beautiful hands to distract me.
Eris: Again.
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xenafay · 2 years
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Small and quick Elain portrait🌸 I‘m loving the not fully clean lineart style for these doodles.
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