#salmon of wisdom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

turtlesandfrogs · 2 months

Text

What I was taught growing up: Wild edible plants and animals were just so naturally abundant that the indigenous people of my area, namely western Washington state, didn't have to develop agriculture and could just easily forage/hunt for all their needs.

The first pebble in what would become a landslide: Native peoples practiced intentional fire, which kept the trees from growing over the camas praire.

The next: PNW native peoples intentionally planted and cultivated forest gardens, and we can still see the increase in biodiversity where these gardens were today.

The next: We have an oak prairie savanna ecosystem that was intentionally maintained via intentional fire (which they were banned from doing for like, 100 years and we're just now starting to do again), and this ecosystem is disappearing as Douglas firs spread, invasive species take over, and land is turned into European-style agricultural systems.

The Land Slide: Actually, the native peoples had a complex agricultural and food processing system that allowed them to meet all their needs throughout the year, including storing food for the long, wet, dark winter. They collected a wide variety of plant foods (along with the salmon, deer, and other animals they hunted), from seaweeds to roots to berries, and they also managed these food systems via not only burning, but pruning, weeding, planting, digging/tilling, selectively harvesting root crops so that smaller ones were left behind to grow and the biggest were left to reseed, and careful harvesting at particular times for each species that both ensured their perennial (!) crops would continue thriving and that harvest occurred at the best time for the best quality food. American settlers were willfully ignorant of the complex agricultural system, because being thus allowed them to claim the land wasn't being used. Native peoples were actively managing the ecosystem to produce their food, in a sustainable manner that increased biodiversity, thus benefiting not only themselves but other species as well.

So that's cool. If you want to read more, I suggest "Ancient Pathways, Ancestral Knowledge: Ethnobotany and Ecological Wisdom of Indigenous Peoples of Northwestern North America" by Nancy J. Turner

35K notes · View notes

sho0tmcmahon · 7 months

Text

owieee my gums hurt

#salmon speaks #this is kinda a lie it’s just my back right area where i got my wisdom teeth out

1 note · View note

splatsvilles-fashionista · 2 years

Text

Dynamo Roller is in the Salmon Run rotation again, and as it happens Dynamo is one of the most common weapons I see people mention on my post asking what people’s hardest Salmon Run weapons are. So here’s some quick tips to make the experience a bit less painful for you Dynamo non-enjoyers:

The most important part when using Dynamo is to do the complete opposite of conventional Dynamo wisdom and roll as much as possible. While it’s not very fast, the Dynamo’s roll squishes all regular Salmonids, even Cohocks, instantly. You can kind of think of yourself as the cleanup crew, getting the pesky non-bosses out of the way and opening up the path for your team.

Dynamo is actually pretty good at fighting Boss Salmonids, with the exception of Stingers and Fish Sticks, who you might as well ignore entirely as the multiple hits simply take too much time to bother with. When dealing with bosses, you almost always want to use the vertical flick. While the horizontal flick is wider, it also deals less damage and has less range, making verticals more reliable as long as your aim is true. Additionally, you don’t want to play around your maximum range, usually, as rollers have pretty aggressive damage falloff. Try to stay within medium distance for maximum damage.

And that maximum damage is beefy! You can oneshot Steelheads very reliably, and most other bosses go down in two swings, or even one if you can manage to get the fling-rollerbump combo (though that’s somewhat unreliable at the best of times).

And while I did say to primarily focus on vertical flicks, horizontals do have their time and place, too. They rain down ink over a large area, making them useful for hitting angles you couldn’t normally get at reliably.

But where Dynamo Roller really shines is in special waves. Glowfly waves is the big standout, as you can slow-roll by only very slightly tilting the stick forward, moving yourself at a glacial pace while still having the roller hitbox, crushing the entire wave underfoot with basically no effort. Goldie Seeking is another big standout, as crashing into the Goldie while it tries to run away will deal absolutely ludicrous amounts of damage to it and generate a ton of Golden Eggs all at once, assuming you don’t kill it outright. Additionally, Dynamo is pretty good against Mudmouths, too, as you can simply park yourself in front of the Mudmouth and just let it spit out Salmonids right into the sweet embrace of your Roller.

Dynamo Roller is admittedly an acquired taste, especially in Salmon Run, and it is hard to use well, but be patient and watch your ink tank, and you’ll absolutely get results!

#Splatoon 3 #Salmon Run #Salmon Run Next Wave

1K notes · View notes

sosnastudios · 1 year

Text

Folklore Fish

Three miniature books inspired by folktales involving fish. Full semi-limp bindings in salmon parchment made by the binder (me), sewn on salmon parchment tapes, red-orange Lynweave tipped endsheets.

Dragon Gate (Chinese): Rough edge gilding on three sides, surface gilding

Salmon Boy (Haida-Tlingit-Tsimshian): Marbled top edge, extra tapes woven across the cover, copper tooling

Salmon of Wisdom (Irish): Nine salmon parchment sewing tapes tanned in hazelnut shells and plaited into the covers

#my folklore fish books! soon to be on exhibit!#bookbinding #salmon #books #handbound books #hand binding

545 notes · View notes

bluepeachstudios · 4 months

Text

Little Scraps of Wisdom Anniversary!

Hi everybody! @spectralsleuth's fic Little Scraps of Wisdom was first posted a year ago today and me and @alicat54c got together with some other people to make an anniversary gift <3

If you haven't read it, it's REALLY good, it's a series of stories about Yoshi/Lou escaping Draxum with the kids without being mutated, and him integrating them into human society. Audio's writing is so lovely! <3

Premise of this gift is that the tots from Little Scraps of Empathy (LSoW / Empathy is Learned crossover; also very cute) found Ghost in the sewers and decided to bring him home with them while their family is out.

---------

“You’ll love our big brothers, Mr. Ghost!” the little spotted turtle, Touma, chattered. “Mikey makes the best food, and teaches me how to make the best food too!”

“You guys must eat really well, then,” Ghost murmured, casting apprehensive looks around the home.

“Hm!” Touma squeaked. “Mikey made a whole salmon for Raph yesterday! I got to help!”

“You should sit!” Aoi, the little slider, patted Ghost’s knees. “Dad says it’s polite to sit nice guests on the couch, not stand in the hallway.”

“Oh.” Ghost shuffled further inside, eyes scanning as he let the four little ones guide him into the other room, where he perched on the edge of the couch.

He could see an old magazine on the coffee table, depicting a grinning human in yellow tinted glasses. There were more beneath that, but Shima, the little soft shell, climbed onto the couch next to him, peering into his face intently.

Ghost hesitated before reaching out and petting over his head slowly.

Shima’s glowing red eyes scrunched shut as he leaned into the touch, tiny churr in his throat, before settling back against the opposite arm of the couch.

“What were you guys doing out in the sewers?” Ghost asked, eyes softening at Shima. “You’ve got a nice house to live in here.”

“Dad never said we couldn’t go outside,” Aoi argued, fiddling with something under the table. “Just that we shouldn’t touch Donnie’s plants, in case, um, something.”

“Eaten,” the snapper, Kouji, signed, flopping onto the floor, where a pile of blankets and cushions had been stacked,

“Thanks for helping us find home!” Touma chirped, struggling to climb onto the couch cushions without digging his claws into the fabric.

Ghost scooped him up, placing him on the couch. His eyes kept drifting over the magazines on the table, then back up to sweep all the entrances.

Touma cuddled against him immediately, little yellow spots creasing like freckles as he smiled. “Thank you Mr. Ghost!”

“Yeah…” Ghost petted over Touma’s shell. “How did you all end up here…?”

“We used to live in the storm drain, before Dad found us,” Aoi chattered. They seemed to be setting up a game of chess on the coffee table. “We wanted to see what the storm drains here were like. We didn’t mean to get lost! But it’s okay, we found you! Dad likes turtles, so Dad’s gonna like you too!”

Ghost hunched his shoulders slightly, taking note of the exits once more.

Touma chirped, cuddling against his plastron. His grip was strong for a turtle of his size. “It’s okay, Dad’s nice! He makes sure no one screams at us! You don’t have to be scared!”

“Oh, no, it’s not–” Ghost paused, taking a breath and curling an arm around Touma. “That’s… good to know.”

“Do you want to play with me?” Aoi’s red eyes peered up at Ghost hopefully.

Ghost surveyed the board game, nodding. “You play?”

“Hm!” Aoi nodded. “Leo, my big brother, is teaching me how to play better, and lots’a other fun games too! He’s the best! Do you know any fun games?”

“Some…” Ghost sat forward on the couch to peer at the board. “You can go first.”

“Okay!” Aoi moved a knight.

As they played, and whichever hand was free went to petting either Touma or Shima, Ghost wondered why a famous actor would adopt not four, but supposedly eight entire mutant turtles. He couldn’t see anything to gain from it, except perhaps more fame, but it came with more problems than it was worth. There were easier ways to get famous.

Ghost wondered why they were living aboveground, in a normal house, on a normal block, like they were humans. Was it possible?

Casually, he moved some of the magazines to look at the covers. If not Lou Jitsu, then it was Hamato Leonardo, posed and dressed like a model, bright red crescents always prominent. Ghost could feel his own Leonardo cringing at the thought of being seen, let alone modeling for a magazine on purpose.

How did everyone know about them and nothing happened? Was it possible to live like this?

“Checkmate!” Aoi chirped, drawing his attention forward again.

Ghost blinked. He hadn’t been paying that much attention to the game and it had cost him. “Mm. You’re very good.”

Aoi beamed, tail wiggling. “Leo’s teaching me! He’s really fun to play with! Um, I like playing with you too!”

Ghost’s eyes softened. “Yeah. Me too.” He started to reset the board. “Another game?” He would pay attention this time. Give the kid a run for his money, as it were.

“Yeah!” Aoi chirped, already resetting the board.

“Shelldon says Dad and everyone’s gonna be home soon,” Shima hummed, playing with a tiny spider between their claws. It glinted metallically.

“I should…” Ghost stood, stiff. “I should go.”

“You can’t go!”Touma cried, latching onto his arm like a vice.

“You gotta stay!” Aoi latched onto his leg just as tightly. He was trapped.

“I can’t,” Ghost insisted, desperately. “I have to go, I can’t– I’m not supposed to–”

“Nooo!” Aoi whined, as Kouji wriggled out of his nest to capture Ghost’s other leg. “We want you to meet Dad and our brothers!”

“I can’t, I don’t belong here!” Ghost tried plucking them off carefully but they were like barnacles. If he wasn’t terrified of hurting them, he could have run.

If he really wanted to, he could have gotten away.

There was a rattle of keys in the lock, frantic worried voices on the doorstep.

“Daddy!” The little turtles cheered, voices eerily in sync.

The door opened.

Ghost swallowed.

Looks like he was stuck here for a while.

#writing #tmnt #tmnt ghost in the shell #little scraps of wisdom #empathy is learned

95 notes · View notes

lord-amaranth-12 · 10 months

Text

(Almost) every food/drink etc. mentioned in obey me nightbringer and shall we date

Notes:

I'll update with links to the sources soon just bare with me. Also please tell if the link arent working

Update: ill stop linking stuff for now

Update: i alphabetized everything (using https://onlinetoolz.net/alphabetical-order) and removed the ingredients for potions cause i will be moving it to another list. I also edited the layout abit to make it more readable

Update: ill start linking stuff now, have to get all out of my storage and posted here before i get full storage again

• Abyss crimson bee honey

• Abyss crimson wasp honey

• Alla death cream

• Artic butterfly scales

• Ash fall chocolate brownies

• Assam

• Backstabbing sandwich

• Barely cooked black tapir steak

• Bat leaves

• Bavarian cream

• Bell peppers

• Black cloud chocolate gâteau

• Black coffee of melancholy

• Black shark flavored gummies

• Black tapir casserole

• Bloody marmalade

• Bloody rice omelets

• Bloody soda

• blood-red velvet cupcakes

• BLT devil sandwich

• Blue rose crystal pickles

• Blue rose petals candied in crystal syrup

• Bufo egg milk tea

• Bufo egg milk tea hell poison honey flavored

• Bufo toad

• Bufo toad sushi

• Bulbul bird eggs

• Butter pancakes

• Castella

• Cat cookies

• Colossal jumbo surprise parfait

• Comfort candy

• Crazy ghoul hamburger

• Crimson bonito flake

• Crimson bonito flake dressing

• Crimson dogwood

• Crimson tea

• Crispy chicken nugget LXXXIII

• Crushed millefeuille

• Dark star fruit sandwich

• Death maggot sauce

• Death mask bat chips

• Deaths door sauce

• Deep-fried devil zebra skewers

• Demi-glace sause

• Demon salmon

• Demonic Sausage

• demon silk moth-flavored gummies

• Demonkiller remora

• Demonkiller remora sauté

• Demonus-infused chocolate

• Demon-luring seaweed salt kalbi chips

• Devil cabbage

• Devil cacao bean

• Devil canelé

• Devil chocolate

• Devil chocolate canelé

• Devil duck confit

• Devil flower fruit trifle

• Devil ham

• Devil lohas milk tea

• Devil moray sushi

• Devil salmon meunière sandwiches

• Devil salmon rolled sushi

• Devil salmon terrine

• Devil zebra bacon

• Devil zebra meat sushi

• Devilbee popcorn

• Devildom gummy Horror house flavored

• Devildom-style boneless pararucu

• Devildom-style vampire bat sandwich

• Devils soft serve

• Dragons mark pie crust

• Dreamfeather cookies

• Dreamfeather meringue cookies

• Dried bufo egg

• Earl grey cookies

• Eternal night herbal tea

• Family pack sushi

• Fish meunière

• flaming hot mushrooms

• Flaming toad

• Fluffy egg pancakes

• Fluorescent rich yogurt

• fried devil chicken

• Fruit of wisdom jelly

• Galaxy burger

• Galaxy fries

• Garlic anchovy dip

• Giant shadow sea cucumber cream pasta

• Glazed Shadow chestnut

• gold demonus

• Gold hellfire newt syrup

• grilled vampire bat

• Hamburger gummies

• Hamburger stake

• Hamburger steak

• Haunted hamburgers

• Havoc devil

• Havoc devil ribs

• Hawthorn berry powder

• Hell demon salmon

• Hell pudding

• Hell velvet parfait

• Hellfire chocolate pie

• hellfire curry rice

• Hellfire mushroom rooled cigar

• Hellfire mushrooms

• Hellfire rose

• Hells kitchen hamburger combo

• Heros herbal tea

• Horror's horror cheesecake

• Hunter sandwich

• Instant noodles (hell-sauce flavor)

• Juicy shadow hog rice bowl

• King-sized fried devil chicken

• King-sized hellfire curry rice

• King-sized poison bleu cheese hamburger

• King-sized shadow hog ramen

• Laughingshroom powder

• Little devils white sauce

• Madam scream's super sweet scones

• Magma butter

• Magma butter pasta

• Magma butter scone

• Mandragora powder

• Marinated bufo toad

• Melted cheese

• Mimic latte

• Mint chocolate chip

• Mont blanc

• Nightshade cream

• Ocean of cloud cake-parfait

• Ocean of Clouds cake

• Ordeal orange fondae

• paradise blue

• Pasta alla death cream

• Pickled vampire bat

• poison bleu cheese hamburger

• Poison strawberry

• Poison veggie juice box

• Poison viper worm al ajiilo

• Poison worm sauce

• Poisonous cheese burgers

• Poisonous cheesecake

• Poisonous marsh pudding

• Princess poison apple

• Promised glory donut (?)

• Purgatory mustard

• Quattro Hungry Pizza

• Quetzalcoatl brains

• Quetzalcoatl brains soup

• Rainbow paw print chocolate

• Red riding hood sandwich

• RedxRed apple pie

• Region exclusive Devildom gummy

• RIP burger

• Ruby chocolate éclair

• Sabbat salad

• Salted hell rose petals

• Salt-grilled black goat bat

• Scorpion syrup

• Shadow caramel

• Shadow chestnut

• Shadow chestnut paste

• Shadow chocolate

• Shadow chocolate brownies

• Shadow hof stir fry in demi-glance sauce

• Shadow hog

• Shadow hog buns

• Shadow hog dumplings

• shadow hog ramen

• Shadow hog soup

• Shadow hog steamed bun

• Shadow hog stir fry

• Shadow pork ragu pasta

• Shadow tuna sashimi

• Silver birch sap

• Simeons special BLT devil sandwiches

• Siren bench caviar

• Smoked cocktraice glizzard

• Smoky black loco moco

• Spicy rainbow pizza

• spiderweb powder

• Sponge cake

• Stardust soda

• Starry-sky waffle

• Stonefish Meunière

• Strawberry shortcake

• Super-sized limited-edition beef

• Sweet and salty canned kraken assortment

• Sweet milk tea

• Sweet tears donut

• thick-cut giant devildom slug sauté

• Thunder sparkle flavored gummies

• Toe bean stamp salad

• Troll coffee

• Ultra D

• Unhappy Mega Combo

• Vampire bat

• Venti brashberry frappuccino with double whipped cream and extra berry powder

• Whole roast shadow hog

• Wicked cupcake

Not in devildom

• Camping meal (Witch camp)

• Cursed goat cheese tartar sandwich (TSL)

• Ema datshi (human world)

• Ginger ale (human world)

• Hamburger (mama's cooking) (levis animes)

• Herbal tea (celestial realm)

• Huckleberry (human world)

• Hyper chili dog (human world)

• Japanese giant salamander (human world)

• Mapo tofu (human world)

• Tornado tomato (human world)

• White mochi balls in syrup (march comes in like a Panda)

Unnamed

• Barbatos's homemade cake

• Barbatos's homemade pudding

• Celestial tea

• Demon lords castle edition premium demonus

• Demonus with scorpion syrup and spiderweb powder

• Devilcats favorite food

• Leviathans homemade granola

• Lobster

• marshmallow

• Moryo Town's special demonus

• multi colored Jelly

• Popcorn Deaths door flavored

• Popcorn lava salt flavored

• Popcorn magma butter flavored

• Popcorn Tree sap caramel flavored

• Pudding from devilmart

• Ramen infernal bahamit flavor

• Rare flower used in baking as a sweetener

• Really big chocolate bar

• Really big chocolate coin

• Salad from Sound Off, Symphony! Summer band camp storyline

• Sheep cake

• Star-shaped chocolate

• Sun and moon cookies by simeon

Characters

• "Little cake thingies"

???

• Chocolate mold

• Devildom miso

• Egg berry whole mil

• Marinated bufo toad

• Marzipan

• Meunièr

• Newt

• Surströmming

#when your so bored at school to the point you ho through your obey screenshots and list down every food mentioned in them #obey me #obey me shall we date?#obey me nightbringer #omswd #obey me food

173 notes · View notes

mikuni14 · 5 months

Text

Twins - Ep 7

I tried to write some sensible commentary on this episode, but no sensible words come to mind 🤡

I love this series, I love how chaotic it is, how for 6 episodes nothing happens in terms of romance, but there are random, sudden scenes of the second couple making out hotly - a couple which is barely shown and if you don't watch carefully, you can even miss them. And how the main couple catches up with all the previous episodes in terms of their romance in one episode 😀😂👌

MY EVERLASITNG LOVE IS SPRITE, MY BELOVED PRECIOUS BOY, THE BEST HIMBO BOY THAT HAS EVER HIMBED. Sprite has no filter, he is very dumb, but at the same time he has the surprising wisdom of the ancient gods. He doesn't see how he's being treated badly (DON'T WORRY BABY, I SEE IT, I'M NOTING IT IN DETAIL, AND I'M HOLDING MY GRUDGES FOREVER), but he always sees when others need his help. Sprite's game is at a level impossible for mere mortals to achieve. He has First where he wants, he does with him what he wants, how he wants, when he wants. First didn't even notice how his entire existence is now in Sprite's hand (the other hand, not the one holding the garbage bag). First's mood depends on Sprite, what he will do, what he will tell him, how he will behave. First, the "perfect grumpy dude", in the presence of Sprite turns into a pathetic, sad, sulking jealous babygirl, who is 🥺 because Sprite gives him ONLY 96.78% of his attention and who is 🥰 because Sprite says that he is his special, most important boy…. I AM IN AWE, that's my son! And the funniest thing is that Sprite doesn't do it consciously, he is SINCERELY devastated that he is not on the same team as First, he honestly runs after him with the most 🥺🥰🥳🤡😇🤩😋😊 face in the world, he sincerely wants to be with him and take care of him. Putting aside everything that happens in The Sign, the shoe-tying scene is my third favorite, hottest scene of the year. And that is the perfection that is Twins. They have no shame or objections at all to just... randomly throw a scene that makes me wonder why I'm still alive and writing these words and not my own epitaph.

And that's not even all! There's also the adorable necklace scene with Salmon, Evil!Buddhist Monk sowing disturbance with his whispered evil words :) random scenes with the other characters and their own messy lives, how social media and shipping culture destroy friendships and real people, Sam heartbroken pumping volleyball balls while the camera shows him from behind 😭😂…

The only thing I didn't like, but I just NEVER like it, was the romanticization of bruises. No honey, bruises are NOT signs of love, can we stop this already?

But! Back to being stupid and high. I can't help but praise the 'realization of their feelings and the kiss' scene, which was the most random, ridiculous, TRASHY lol and funniest scene in the world, which I spent half of wheezing on the floor, but which I absolutely fucking LOVE.

The amount of love I feel for Sprite and his pure energy is immeasurable. Both me and First have NO chance, he's just too powerful. And the moment when Sprite knelt in front of First, slowly and never breaking eye contact, was defining and life-changing for both of us 💖

#twins the series #thai bl #bl drama

37 notes · View notes

witchtickles · 3 months

Text

Cerridwen

Deity Of: Magic, wisdom, transformation, poetry, creativity, herbalism Animals: white pig, crow, hen, hare Crystals: moonstone, selenite Herbs & Trees: vervain, wheat, barley, oak, poppy Favorite Offerings: grains, acorns, pork, vervain leaves Symbols: Cauldron, white sow, grain

Cerridwen was an enchantress from Welsh legend and the mother of a beautiful daughter, Creirwy, and a hideous son, Morfran. Cerridwen knew that her son would never be accepted because of his looks, so she sought to make a potion that would make him the wisest man alive in compensation.

She began to brew a potion in her magical cauldron that would grant her son the gift of wisdom and poetic inspiration, also called Awen. The potion had to brew for a year and a day, so she set a blind man named Morda to tend the fire, and a young boy named Gwion Bach to stir the potion. Once completed, the first three drops would grant the gift of Awen and the rest was fatal poison.

On the final day of the brewing, when the potion was ready, the boy spilled three drops of it onto his thumb. Instinctively, he put his thumb in his mouth to sooth the burn, thus consuming the wisdom and inspiration meant for Morfran. Understanding what he had done, Gwion Bach fled to avoid Cerridwen's anger.

She gave chase, and using the powers of the potion, Gwion Bach attempted to elude her by transforming into a series of animals. He became a hare and Cerridwen became a greyhound. He became a salmon and jumped into the river, and she became an otter. He became a sparrow and she became a hawk. Finally, he turned into a single kernel of corn and Cerridwen turned into a hen and ate him.

Because of the potion, he was not destroyed and instead Cerridwen became pregnant. She vowed to kill him when he was born, but the baby was so beautiful that she could not bring herself to do it. Instead, she placed the baby in a coracle and pushed him out to sea. He was rescued on the Welsh shore by a prince and grew up to become the legendary bard, Taliesin.

#witchcraft #witch aesthetic #witchy vibes #witchy things #witchblr #deity work #deity worship #polytheism #celtic witchcraft #celtic polytheism #cerridwen

28 notes · View notes

hausofmamadas · 18 days

Text

PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

#freddy horniman #the gentlemen #the gentlemen netflix #No but seriously Freddy is my son now #the magnitude of emotional whiplash is unmatched by any other character I swear #and idk how on God’s dying earth that happened #actually I do bc Freddy is me c. 2014 minus the asset rich/cash poor aristocratic hubris so you could just say Hoodrat runs in the fam #but at least I can say I have the good sense to be ashamed of it #which I am … deeply

18 notes · View notes

cirilla-fiona-riannon · 11 months

Text

Ikemen Vampire - Vlad's Sequel

These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors.

Spoilers under the cut

Vlad: "Mitsuki, I have a place I want us to go on Christmas Eve."

A few days after he told me this, Christmas Eve arrived.

I was carrying a basket filled with food for the party through the snow-covered streets.

(I'm glad I bought some delicious-looking strawberries. Vlad will be thrilled.)

I couldn't help but get excited when I imagined sitting around a table full of food with Vlad and everyone.

(Come to think of it, I wonder where Vlad is taking me tonight.)

(He didn't tell me back then, but he looked so serious.)

I slowly stopped as I remembered.

(I guess I'll find out later when I see him.)

I let out a breath and re-carried the basket.

Mitsuki: "First, I have to return early and prepare for the party! Let's see, what else do I need to buy?"

Just as I was about to walk away一

???: "You dropped this."

(Huh?)

I turned around to see a man with a half-up hairstyle holding an apple.

Mitsuki: "Sorry, I didn't notice it. Thank you for picking it up."

I took the apple, smiling, and the man smiled back at me.

Man with half-up hairstyle: "You're welcome, Mademoiselle."

Man with half-up hairstyle: "By the way, that's a lot of stuff. Are you preparing for a Christmas party?"

Mitsuki: "Yup! Lots of people will be there, so I'm really excited."

Man with half-up hairstyle: "Hahaha! I get you. I can see that you're really excited."

(Do I really have that look?)

Feeling a little embarrassed, I looked at the apple he had just picked up, and the man suddenly muttered something.

Man with half-up hairstyle: "Speaking of Christmas..."

Man with half-up hairstyle: "I heard that the round red ornaments on the tree represent apples."

Man with half-up hairstyle: "The tree symbolized wisdom, so they decorated it with apples, the fruit of wisdom."

Mitsuki: "Really? I've never heard of it before."

I found myself intrigued by the origin of the tree.

Then, he suddenly smiled and said一

Man with half-up hairstyle: "You know they also say that apples are forbidden fruit."

Man with half-up hairstyle: "They say it's a symbol of man's original sin."

(Man's original sin...)

Paradise Lost: the story of the origin of human sin.

In this story, the snake seduces the woman and man to eat the forbidden fruit, only to be punished by God and banished from paradise.

Man with half-up hairstyle: "But I wonder if the God who created that fruit is blameless."

The man pursed his lips as he sarcastically addressed God.

Mitsuki: "Um?"

Man with half-up hairstyle: "Oops, sorry for holding you back. Enjoy the party and Merry Christmas."

The man left, smiling softly.

(He didn't seem like a bad guy, but that story kinda bothered me.)

For a mere chitchat, there was a hint of implication in his words, like what the serpent did when it slyly concealed the truth and seduced humans.

Man with half-up hairstyle: "............."

The man turned around and looked at Mitsuki's back as she walked away. Then the sound of shoes stamping on the snow approached.

Man with purple eyes: "Stop fooling around, Drake."

The approaching man squinted his amethyst-colored eyes admonishingly.

Drake: "Fine."

Drake: "But that girl in a vampire's den is like a rose among the thorns."

He wryly smiled as he said this.

The wheels of fate were about to start turning.

That night一

Everyone: "Merry Christmas!"

The sound of glasses being clinked together marked the start of the party.

Charles: "Wow, everything looks delicious. Did you make all these, Mitsuki?"

Mitsuki: "I made them with Sebastian and Napoleon. I hope it fits your palate."

Charles: "Of course. Bon appétit! Oh, there's also my favorite soufflé."

Charles: "The crackers and chicken with cheese and salmon also look delicious!"

Faust adjusted his glasses next to the excited Charles.

Faust: "Charles, don't put food on my plate without permission. It offends me that you think I have no discipline."

Faust: "Lord Vlad, please wait until after dinner before trying that cake."

Vlad: "Ahaha! The strawberry cake looks so good."

Vincent chuckled as the three of them laughed.

Vincent: “You guys are like a family. Like everyone in the mansion.”

Napoleon: “Are we like that?”

Theo: “I don’t think there’s anyone that can compare to me and my broer when it comes to getting along.”

Arthur: “Why are you being so competitive, Theo?”

Mozart: “The mansion is pretty rowdy, but it looks like the old castle isn’t much different.”

Jean: “If the strawberry part is for Vlad, then I want the maroron part of the cake.”

Dazai: “No, Vlad. You shouldn’t start with the dessert. It’s an immoral way to eat.”

Isaac: “I can understand calling it wrong, but what do you mean by an immoral way to eat?”

The party went better than expected.

By the window, Comte and the others have already opened their second bottle of wine.

Mitsuki: “Guys, don’t drink too much, okay?”

Leonardo: “We got it, Cara Mia, but this is just the beginning. Right? Shakespeare and Comte?”

Shakespeare: “Aye. I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I’m the same as you two when it comes to drinking.”

Comte: “Would you like some Mitsuki? I’ll pour you a drink.”

As he poured me a glass of wine, Comte narrowed his eyes and looked around the bustling dining room.

Comte: “It’s a sight I never thought I’d see until last year.”

Comte: "I'm lucky to have everyone as my family and to spend another moment with Vlad like this."

His eyes, brimming with warmth, mirrored mine.

Comte: "Thank you for helping that guy find his heart, Mitsuki."

(Comte looks so happy.)

Comte and Vlad were purebloods who had known each other since childhood, but at some point, they parted ways.

(No matter how many words they exchanged, they couldn't close the gap between them, but now...)

It warmed my heart to see them celebrating Christmas together like this after all that.

I smiled back, and that's when一

Vlad: "Stop having Mitsuki all to yourself, Comte."

Mitsuki: “Waah! Vlad…”

Saying this mischievously, Vlad suddenly hugged me from behind.

Comte: "Mon Dieu, do I really need your permission to get close to Mitsuki?"

Vlad: "Obviously."

Comte: "As I said before, I'm responsible for her being here, so I'm just watching over her as a father would."

Vlad: "Heh? Then, I guess I'll call you father-in-law from now on."

Comte: "Absolutely not."

Seeing Comte's expression, Vlad laughed out loud.

They exchanged light banter and looked at each other amusingly.

I was sure that the two of them had exchanged this kind of conversation before parting ways.

(They've built a new relationship over the past year.)

Afterward, Vlad and I went out on the balcony amidst the bustling party, where we saw pure white snowflakes dancing from the night sky, eventually falling on my flaming cheeks.

Vlad: "Is it cold?"

Mitsuki: "Nah, it's comfortable enough."

Vlad: "Then, let's stay here for a while."

Leaning side by side on the balcony, we talked about anything that came to mind, and after a while, we began to sober up.

Then, suddenly, the conversation cut off, and silence fell between us.

Mitsuki: "Vlad, let's go inside."

I looked back as I said this, but seeing his eyes look so sweet instantly melted my heart.

Vlad: "Mitsuki, will you let me steal you tonight?"

Mitsuki: "Sure. I was hoping you'd say that."

Vlad: "You're feeling the same way?"

Seeing right through him, I nodded my head.

Vlad: "Good. The party was fun, but I wanted to have you all to myself."

Vlad: "But first..."

He pulled my waist and held me tightly to his chest, feeling the tension in his strong arms.

Vlad: "Remember how I said I had a place I wanted to take you to today?"

Vlad smiled a little sadly as he said this.

The place he took me to was一

(This place...)

The grass was lined with tombstones engraved with the names of the deceased.

I followed Vlad's back as he made his way among them and suddenly stopped.

There was no name inscribed on the tombstone where he knelt and placed a bouquet.

Mitsuki: "Whose grave is this?"

The snow was still falling as I waited for his response.

Vlad: "Here lie the lives I've taken with my own hands."

(What?)

Vlad: "The Duke of Wellington and other great men like him who I have revived but discarded as weak pawns."

Vlad: "It's not just them who sleep here. The people I killed due to my righteous judgments of right and wrong are also here."

Vlad: "I took all of their lives, driven by my ambitions."

Vlad stared at the 49 tombstones, silently accepting the denunciations of those who could no longer speak.

The Duke of Wellington, who defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo, was revived as a vampire by Vlad and once again inflicted deep wounds on Napoleon.

(And I saw Vlad take Wellington's life with the same hand that revived him.)

When he looked down at the gravestone, the wind roared past him.

Vlad: "A year ago, my ambition became a dream I want to fulfill."

Vlad: "I want to nurture hope with the humans, just as they have shown me."

Vlad: "But what I have done in the past will never disappear. It can never be erased."

Vlad stood up and slowly looked back at me.

Vlad: “That’s why I decided I’d do anything for this world with the sins I committed.”

Vlad: “I wanted to come here tonight to let that engraved in my heart once again.”

(This is his atonement and pledge to the future.)

(Vlad will live forever carrying these burdens on his shoulders.)

I knew he had brought me here tonight to convey that resolve and determination.

Vlad: “Mitsuki, the man you fell in love with has this kind of blood on his hands.”

Vlad: “But I just can’t let go of my destiny with you.”

Vlad: “That’s why...”

His beautiful crimson eyes looked slightly troubled, but still stared at me intently.

Vlad: “I want you to live with me for the rest of your life.”

(Vlad...)

I didn’t hesitate to put my own hand on his extended hand.

Mitsuki: “I will live with you, Vlad.”

Mitsuki: “I won’t stop loving you even after knowing what you did.”

(I'll continue to believe in people's thoughts as hope and protect this world because Vlad's dream is also mine.)

(Even if it’s a thorny path, I will still walk beside him.)

Mitsuki: “I want to live with you forever, so don’t let go of me.”

Vlad: “............”

My chest was overflowing painfully with feelings for Vlad.

The moment our eyes met, he hugged me tightly, his emotions flowing out of him.

Vlad: "Thank you, Mitsuki."

Vlad: "I love you. You're the only one who can watch over my future."

The snow danced like feathers, enveloping us.

In the silence, feeling as if we were the only two people in the world, a breath of air touched my ear, creating the illusion that I was alone with him.

Vlad: "Mitsuki. From here on out, let me look only at you."

Previous Part╏Side Story╏Premium

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp jp #ikevamp #ikevamp translations #cybird #ikevamp drake #ikevamp galileo

80 notes · View notes