#remember when we talked abt this in like. march.
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@fumalsamakah / min - chul & gina!
She adores creatures like this, like him — she can smell the strangeness. He tastes on her mouth the way that the Aragami do, living organisms that aren't living, a facsimile of it, tiny, devouring monsters taking the shape of an animal. She supposes that makes him the animal.
"If I put a bullet through your chest, would the monsters in you turn the flower black?" Somehow, it sounds more like a flirtation than a threat — and it isn't either, really. GINA RARELY THINKS OF SUCH THINGS, too much bloodshed in her skull to make space for romance. But she only hunts monsters, not humans who're close. ( she'd have to blow her own brains out if she did! ) "I'd love to see."
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i really like mole because it's like. it's about a lot of things. but one of the biggest parts to me is the paranoia . like. "i know what you want and you know what i want" is already so incredibly damning bc that's not how human interaction works so at least one of these parties is making assumptions. and then just following that line up with "information, information". again its the assumption bc neither party is saying with any clarity what the information is so they could be communicating on totally different wavelengths but there's still just that unspoken level of assumption. you know what i want. i know what you want. we don't need to specify at all. you know. i know.
#sorry im like. hghghhghj. march makes me weird#im also. god. i feel bad because i cannot be normal about this#no longer talking abt the goats btw feel free to ignore if youre not invested in my personal life#but ive figured out whats setting me off and its so strange#bc i thought i got over it. this is a thing of the past. literally nearly a decade ago by this point#there is not a single me that remembers it and those that do are seeing someone else's warped vision of it#but it's. a thing. and it's messing me up. and i can't stop it and it frustrates me#i tried to ask my brain to stop it and they explicitly told me 'you don't get to make that request'.#and like. on monday i thought they were deliberating about what to do but it seems like theyre not or if they are they just wont tell me#and its. sucks. cause i dont like being excluded from conversations in the first place#and then theres people talking about things that im not present for which is a large part of what is freaking me out#(i say large part. i mean a small part interwoven w the rest but i don't know for sure bc i literally don't know)#but theyre just. im not. nobody is telling me anything. and im all alone and im getting paranoid about it. so hence the moleposting#its just frustrating cause some parts are avoidable and others arent#like shes always going to know things we dont know bc thats the basic idea of it#but she doesnt have to lie. about it. and misleading.#i dont want to confront her but i get the feeling that at some point i will not be given a choice which is unfortunate#considering that's likely to be big and loud and public#and i dont like that theyre collaborating without telling us. when the informed consent is sus. but thats gonna stop soon#they said its gonna stop soon and i have no choice but to believe them bc i cant. do anything. if theyre lying#i will say i cant like. speak for all parts but some of them have been sliding me notes under the table so to speak and theyre on my side#so that's something#but i really don't wanna have to explain anything. especially not publicly especially not to her etc etc#aand im getting the headache again so that is a sign to stop. goobaba all i hope tomorrow will be better#post
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cinematic time
march 1st, 2023, the contractor is flying around 2b2t
same scene from last time, confronting that fucking guy, talking abt how this place is every man for himself, telling the contractor to fuck off and fighting it
oh god this fucker pulled a "be not afraid"
it says a regular human would have went mad in this toxic wasteland, one of the worst its seen
"i detected the remnants of a very powerful signal in this area"
"sounds like bullshit to me" LMAO
its name is Madagio, it used to live on one of several connected islands
it is travelling across worlds to search for true survivalists
it gave him a location to meet at ???
old and gay on 2b2t pick a struggle
THE FUCKING CATS??? THE CATS ARE FIT SPECIFIC LORE?? THEYRE FROM 2B2T?????
ouughhhhhhhhhh hes in underground ruins. hes in underground ruins in 2b2t and theres a carved, clean path. thats not normla HOLY SHIT THATS A LOT OF CATS
There he is..... theres that madagio fucker...... the cats ARE ITS EYESSSSSS THEYRE AN EXTENSION OF IT
okay he was sent to quesadilla island on a job, mada wants the secrets of the island at all costs and says there will be residents visiting soon, most tickets have been sent out but it can get him one, and when he gets there he needs to get data on not only the island but on the players, how it all connects together and report the findings to it.
itll be weird that a "wasteland nomad" is sent there, but he will need to act friendly, and he might know some people already, that he shouldnt form attachments
Mada is making plans on a separate island, that fit will have exactly 1 year to complete his mission and if he does he'll get "an early retirement" and if he fails, he'll spend the rest of his existence on 2b2t and anyone he forms an attachment to will suffer (shows ramons moustache)
if he steps thru the end portal he accepts, theres no turning back
hes gone thru the fucking portal, but we alr knew that was gonna happen
WOAH
okay he's thru the portal, in what looks to be a white room with a flashing red light and he got his ticket.
he remembers that fuckers name, but hes already formed attachments, and if mada is gathering data to use harm fit is gonna do. some things.
cAT
CAT
CAT IN HIS ROOM
We get to see mada, floating in what looks to be an also floating platform wayyyyy high in the sky, next to one of those gates in?? japanese mythology????
end cinematic
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ok so hello people of tumblr. who wants to know what happened since i last regularly posted here????
i became friends with this girl at work i was loooowkey crushing on, we became too close way too quickly. she confided in me a month and a half into out friendship how she had a crush on a***d which caused her a sexuality crisis bc she was convinced she was gay until then. i felt weird but loved her too much to let something silly like this ruin the friendship. he started hanging out with us, i felt real fucking baaaaaad. life situations led me into telling a***d i liked him for ages. he said we're too good friends to ruin it, we're beyond that point! if i had said something earlier then maybe! then i found out he liked her!!! but he decided because of me he would stop talking to her!! i was living thru insanity bc of it. then me and him spent a month and a half being friends but also more than friends? but also "it's just good friends it's nothing romantic bc i said i don't feel the same i don't wanna ruin it you're one of the utmost important people in my life up there with my childhood friends blahblah" and we cuddled and hugged every time we met, texted every day after work until late at night, went thru a kissing/making out one evening after drinking a lot of alcohol drama. he initiated all of this!!! always!! i was in this weird grey area and thought everything is Fine because i know it's not a good idea
then almost a month ago he decided to ask her out! he didn't tell me in advance (despite the fact i told him if you ever choose to act about your feelings just say so). she did not tell me about it despite me being transparent with her all along, and despite telling me she thinks friendship is more important than all of this. so this went on for a week and a half, without me being told, whilst i was feeling weird asf and convincing myself i'm going crazy because of my anxiety bc everything was Normal. and then i found out thursday march 28th (haha a month ago exactly.. what a coincidence) because we were together and he said he can't wait for a "right time" like she wanted to. all of life collapsed from the feeling of betrayal from and anger at both of them. first i hated her, now i realised i hate him because he was at fault for all this messed up shit and took zero responsibility the one time we talked. i gave 2 of them chances to talk as some closure and we haven't spoken since. i truly hate him and think he's a shit person.
took a whole week off work after that first happened. was depressed at home. one day i decided to dress nicely and go meet my friend who just came back from abroad at the city of christ..... told her everything. then she took me to see a cool hostel i'd like bc it's in an ancient building. guy who works there studied with us but i didn't remember him lol. we talked & had wine then i got tipsy i overshared everything. he was the most charming and cute person i met.... (& a proper proper leftist too). we spent 3 hours there with him despite my friend wanting to kill me bc that WASN'T the plan. he was overly friendly, had a very interesting vibe.. esp abt the situation... then he told me how he's going abroad the next day and perhaps is gonna break up with his ldr gf... we sat together whilst my friend was in another room/on the side on her phone (I APOLOGISED PROFOUNDLY) and he even showed me pics of him from the gym... my biggest regret is when we left, had food with my friend and just got on the bus, he texted me on ig that i should come back to say bye again.. i didnt... then he came back from abroad last week and sort of said if i got the time i should come visit.. so of ci did lol but the Vibe was gone (as like... he didnt break up with the gf and therefore there was no vibe & i was fine with it lol). he asked me if i want him to teach me how to fight and i said yeah so besides updating him again on my woes we also literally fought with each other which was fucking fun. like he was properly teaching me what to do in a fight. i'm still feeling sore (that was 2 days ago) he is so cool and i wanna be his friend now that i am not cr*shing on him...
besides that life is still grim and i am going back to work in a day and gonna have to see those 2 people who ruined my life again aaaaand i know my mental health will take a dive. what do you even do when this shit happens
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typing the beginning AGAIN. Time to yap abt my theories (WITHOUT deleting them. I had it worded so perfectly and now I feel like in forgetting important things 😭😭)
SO there's this character called the “Dreammaster” (assuming they're different from the “Watchmaker”), to which Acheron KNEW they were the Dreammaster. They claim to be able to control (more like the Oak Family are their “eyes, ears and mouth”) the “Oak Family Offspring” (is how they worded it). This proven by how the people are crowded around Acheron. If I remember right too, Robin and Sunday are from the Oak Family so have they been the Dreammasters “eyes, ears and mouth” but when? Is the Dreammaster with them 24/7??
The Dreammaster also talks abt how they “exile evil from the haven in their head” (shown in screenshot) and I thought at first that they meant Acheron, because while she's not apart of the Oak Family, she's in the Penacony Dreamscape. She's asked (forced, and chose) to leave because she “knows too much” I think they said. Is the Penacony Dreamscape the Dreammasters head? But then, later on, the Pepeshi shown here is seen in the other Dreamscape we now know (it's a new one, can't remember what it's called)
Before we meet the Pepeshi tho (he's talking with March), we meet Misha and Clockie again and it's said that “Death” (or “Sleepie” as Misha calls it) has “started ferrying people back and forth between the two Dreamscapes.” Why was the Pepeshi so stressed though? What happened?? Was he exiled from the Dreammasters head????
I had ORIGINALLY thought that the Dreammaster “exiled” the people from his head via “Death” (kinda proven by the Pepeshi showing up in this Dreamscape where Robin and Firefly also showed up after “Death” got them), but Sleepie (“Death”) is depicted essentially as a dog Gallagher takes care of (surprise Gallagher mention!!) by Misha and isn't a threat, and it's well behaved but is just a bit aggressive. I'm still on the fence abt this idea bc of that, but it think it MIGHT be plausible (take all of the things I'm saying with a grain of salt I'm normally not very good with theories, hence why I never tell anyone 😭😭)
I have a LOT more thoughts honestly but this is the biggest one as of now. If you're GENUINELY interested in more of my theory yapping Arii I'll keep talking abt this stuff with you <33 (just keep in mind that, again, my theories are almost never right 😭😭 and I feel like I had more thoughts to this but this is the whole gist of it.) This is definitely the longest ask I've ever written PLS. Ask me if you have any questions abt this tho and I'll answer my thoughts on them :33 I ALSO TRIED TO PROOFREAD BUT If THERE ARE ANY TYPOS I'M SORRY
I love complex stories EVEN THO I DONT FULLY UNDERSTAND I DO GET WHAT U ARE TRYNA SAY DW J LOVE THEORIES THEY SHOW THE CREATIVE OF THE BRAIN
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I am sliding into ur askbox,,, to hear more abt the mcs of the eldritch western trilogy,,,, they sound cool 🤠
I'm going to be completely normal about it and break it up into thirds so I can tell you about each of them separately. I need you to know if it wasn't for Sullivan the other two would kill each other lol.
Sullivan
Once I fleshed out The Situation he was in with Royston, this gif popped into my head:
So just imagine Sullivan doing this a lot when we talk about Royston.
inarguably the protagonist
100% knew he was The Hero when I started writing
(he is the Lawman forced to deal with a group of Call of Cthulhu investigators' fucking up their own storyline and ending up brainwashed and marching into the middle of nowhere to summon the end of the world you know normal Thursday night things)
(I know I just said he was the Hero but that's bc he, as an NPC in another story, ascended to become The Main Character)
(this is a theme in my fiction lately LOL)
didn't understand why he was so Lawful Good when I started writing bc like his backstory and military career and being around the sorts of people he was around once they got shipped to Kansas he would at least be less Lawful and less Good
like Hofer is True Neutral and Royston is Chaotic Evil. It's the world's shittiest tic tac toe win.
(I am using D&D Morality Alignment for shorthand. Sullivan's morals are pretty straightforward but they sometimes clash with what he's Supposed To Do, and Royston is objectively Chaotic and Evil but bc of his relationship with Sullivan, he behaves himself. IG I'm trying to say "relationships take work" with these two idiots.)
autistic roommate asked me if he was autistic and I, the author, who wrote him, was like "IDK, does he read like he is?" and she was like "YES."
so he made a lot more sense after draft 2
gay man in the 1800s = "confirmed bachelor"
achieved the rank of First Sergeant by sheer force of will; the brass put off every promotion he was eligible for and won't promote him a final time even though he's been in for 22 years and HAS A MEDAL OF HONOR FROM THE CIVIL WAR I ALWAYS FORGET THAT PART bc he isn't "politically savvy"
good at darts and chess
also sharpshooting, horseback riding, remembering obscure war tactics from the 6th century and applying them to social situations, always knowing what time it is, and not dying (permanently)
Hofer
Tell central casting to get me someone who can give young Costner. Esp with a receding hairline and dad gut.
that's right he gets his list before Royston because Royston is a villain in like half the Bad Ending routes
Sullivan's BFF
didn't exist before draft 3 (I started draft 1 in September 2023 and just finished draft 4 in March)
he's the one doomed by the narrative
his wife Clara is an obstetrician/midwife, they have 4.5 children (time loops are a bitch), and she is objectively cooler than he is
was a surgeon in Philadelphia before the American Civil War; he joined due to the proximity of the fighting to his family
the only loves greater than his family are Sullivan and coffee + cigarettes
I honestly can't say too much about him without going off on a tear about either the plot or how much he and Sullivan love each other in a platonic way that started as unrequited love bc Sullivan and Hofer have incompatible sexual orientations (Hofer is very heterosexual.)
Royston
Imagine the amount of rizz Adam Brody's character brought to "Ready or Not," along with the PTSD, patchy beard, foul mouth, and willingness to do the right thing only at the absolute last fucking second at great personal cost to himself, and you have a good mental picture of this idiot.
annoys me to no fucking end
I thought Hofer was the walking spoiler but no, it's this guy
Mr. "Gambles For Fun, Never Learned To Shoot a Gun, Doesn't Know How to Fucking Write, Pisses Off the Army, John Wicks an Entire Crime Family and Wonders Why the Father Puts a Hit Out on Him in Book 2" Ass
got an impressively high score on Hare's psychopathy checklist.
has a nemesis who has been stalking him across the continent for four years and he doesn't care bc if the dude ever tried anything he'd actually kill him
(dude does try something in this chapter lol)
lies to everyone but Sullivan to include the author
had me ready to throw him into a transdimensional rift at the end of the third draft
they have a consummate romantic partnership and yet he and Sullivan are effectively protag/antag bc Royston is a fucking chaos gremlin who keeps making Sullivan's job harder
they have to do so much work to be a couple but every time I come along like "OK time to say goodnight one of you has to go in the meat grinder" they pull this "no I'm going with him" bullshit that makes me feel like Alan Wake when Saga Anderson started yelling at him for fucking with real people's lives
the actual reason there's a time loop and I now have to write my outlines like I'm writing the script to an interactive fiction novel bc this crazy asshole leaves a Royston-shaped cloud of dust behind whenever anything plot-related happens it's like having your ADHD little brother at D&D night except he's 45 years old and a former assassin
So yeah two of them are cool one of them sounds cool on paper and is the actual worst. He's my son and I love him even if sometimes I kill him repeatedly, on the page, bc how else is he gonna learn? He's a visual learner~
I could keep going LOL. These characters make me crazier than I already am. Thank you so much for the ask <3
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Hey, i would like to know your thoughts on the BE Welive that happened in March 2021 and timestamp 34:00 forward (i think) . I noticed first that Jk sat almost the entire time with his whole body facing Jimin and in that very timestamp, Jimin was saying something and Jk was watching him with a smile in his face which is normal but what was a lil abnormal for me was the fact that even after Jimin stopped talking, Jk continued to look at him with a smile kinda like he got lost in Jimin and you could literally see the moment he catches himself and looks at the camera. This is one moment i think about alot and i would love to hear your thoughts on it! Also, have you noticed that so many times while in concerts or pretty much anywhere, Jk usually has his entire body turnt to Jimin when Jimin is making his ending speech or pretty much doing anything? Another example is that episode of ITS where Jimin woke up late (as usual) and was the last to Join the rest of the members at breakfast and immediately he came in we had Jk sitting and facing him with his entire body. I have only really noticed Jk do this ONLY with Jimin (i could be wrong abt only) but i’m pretty sure it is something he does atleast MOSTLY with Jimin and i’m not even sure he realizes that he does it. You can’t fake stuff like that and that is one of the things that made me sideeye Jikook. Another moment too happened last year, during PTD in soeul, while they were on stage and someone was making a speech or something and all the other members were seated on the floor. At some point Jk, who is seated close to Jimin turns and starts staring at him while he (Jimin) is listening to what Tae i think was saying at the time. Jk stares at him for sometime and quickly turns his head away when it seems like Jimin was about to look in his direction. This is another moment i think about ALOT. I can understand looking at someone when they are saying or doing something but why would he be looking at Jimin like that when he isn’t even doing anything and someone else was speaking at that point? I would have added photos but for some reason i can’t. I hope you know the moments i’m talking about. Will love to hear what you think.
I feel like this one is referring to the live in Feb 2021 where Jungkook is in a blue shirt, Jimin in red, and both of them are seated next to each other on the (viewer’s) right side of the screen. Jimin was doing the acronym game and flopped the second letter, and Jungkook continued staring.
That moment is actually another favorite of mine that I clearly forgot about, but I remember at one point saying that I think I liked it more than MMA 2018, which had been no. 1 for the longest time in my book.
I generally disregard plenty of narratives where Jungkook is “staring” at a member, but the camera is dead on, and there’s no other activity around them and, more importantly, no one next to Jimin to mistake who or what Jungkook is staring at.
I think the reason why this is my favorite is because of how obvious his endearment (?) is when Jimin is neither doing or saying anything—literally.* I say “endearment” with a question mark (and this would also be applicable to my thoughts on MMA 2018) because I’m not Jungkook. That’s what it looks like to me, but without his direct input on the matter, I’m speculating.
* If you’ve not been here for a while, what I typically prioritize in figuring out pair dynamics is behavior. A lot of ship-related things usually end up being fluff to me, even if it’s fun fluff. I form opinions based on how they interact, which is why this blog experiences frequent downturns when there’s nothing to see.
The look on his face can span the gamut of endearment, amusement, admiration, comfort, etc., but I think it’s inarguable that whatever his thoughts or feelings might be, it’s a positive one. I’m not saying it indicates a relationship or not, whether there’s an implication of attraction or not, but it is a sweet moment on video that doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.
Jungkook’s consequent, split-second reaction in which his eyes widen as if realizing he’s just gazing at Jimin at this point when attention is no longer needed is, again, somewhat speculative because it can be read a different way. Such possibilities exist, and I’m aware of what they could be, but I find that there’s very little wiggle room in this context. There are two things off the top of my head that could explain it, but this is one of those rare instances where I feel rather strongly about my first conjecture.
Anyway, it doesn’t prove anything, but it’s one more aspect to their dynamic that provides a little more depth.
Edited to add: I didn’t watch PTD in Seoul, but like with a lot of their stage activity, it’s hard to formulate an opinion without knowing Jungkook’s behavior towards the other members when they’re also talking.
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do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question
im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!
note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened
this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)
anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)
(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)
one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad
i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye
remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead
then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?
also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew
ok heres the evidence
(censored parts are for my own safety)
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March TC Challenge 20-26
do you feel guilty about having feelings for your tc? hell yeah i feel terrible. why am i so attached to these poor women ohmygod 😭 i mean i have my suspicions that the attachment is from trauma and possible emotional abuse and things i lacked as a kid and currently lack now. but idk i still feel really bad. and i also don’t know how i see either of them. like pls stop thinking abt some nsfw things w/ them this isn’t helping things 💀
are you insecure about them liking another student more than you? for П i know i’m her favorite because it’s completely obvious. but i don’t want to be replaced but i know it’s inevitable now that i’m transferring schools. with Б i have never seen her interact with any other students other than this one kid because she doesn’t teach in a school setting. but im very sure i’m not even close to most liked. i want to be her favorite though.
what kind of hairstyle would you love to see them in? uhh idk. П cuts her hair once a year 😭😭 to a really short bob cut and i wish she kept it consistently that short bc it looks so good and really fits her!! and years ago Б had REALLY short hair like a pixie cut. i didn’t meet her when she had hair that short but it looked really good and i wanna see her hair like that again!
do you think they trust you? i go into Б’s house for 3ish hours a week for lessons and i’ve baby-sat her son so i think she trusts me lol. no but seriously she’s talked a lot about her mental health and i just know she doesn’t do that with everyone. and for П she tells me some pretty personal stuff about her and we’ve texted on her personal number. she is comfortable hugging me unlike with almost other students. so i think she trusts me.
what's the most comedic moment that's occurred between you two? i can’t currently remember anything with П because there are so many moments that just blur together. but for Б one time recently she was super enthusiastic and then she stabbed me with her viola bow pretty hard and she leaned in to make sure i was okay and i accidentally hit her and we were both laughing a bunch.
have you ever drawn them or written about them to vent your feelings? i’ve drawn both of them. Б i drew much more successfully but i think i’ve drawn П more. i wanna write but i lack motivation lmao.
how do you feel when you're around them? are you so nervous that you can't concentrate, or do you just feel happy that you get to spend time with them? with П i can try to convince myself that when i’m alone with and/or physically close to her i’m fine, but i’m not. sometimes the way she looks at me is the most distracting thing in the middle of a piece, especially recently. now with Б i was nervous at first but i really do just love being around her. she brings me so much joy.
#teacher crush#female teacher crush#female tc#tc crush#tc love#tc community#tc feelings#tc post#tc blog#teacher attachment#teacher crush community#teacher x student#tc challenge#tc confessions
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HELLO please help me decide which show should I check out next and in what order and reblog for traction if you don’t mind ❤️❤️❤️
Before you ask based on these choices yes I love to cry
Bonus questions for anime buffs:
Did anybody see citrus was it good? Does inuyasha hold up without the nostalgia factor if I never saw it when I was a kid?? What about Cardcaptor Sakura or Sailor Moon etc
Here is a list of all the anime I can think of that i have already watched and/or that there’s no need to recommend:
BNHA
SNK
Deathnote
FMA & Brotherhood
SAO
Demon Slayer
Your Name
Your lie in April
Haikyuu!!
Fruits Basket
Black Butler
Basically all the classics
Trigun (I haven’t seen the reboot though please feel free to recommend if it was good and I should watch it)
Cowboy Bebop
Samurai Champloo (damn 3 all time faves in a row)
Code Geass
Ouran HHC
Seven Deadly Sins
Gurren Lagann
Re:Zero
Black Clover
Blue Exorcist
Assassination Classroom
D.gray-man
Kill la Kill
Tokyo Ghoul (liked less than I expected)
Bungou Stray Dogs
Erased (I love to cry)
To Your Eternity (LOVED) (are you seeing a pattern)
Puella Magi Madoka Majica
SCHOOL-LIVE!
Kaguya sama love is war
Hunter x Hunter (rewatched 3 times)
Mob Psycho 100 (rewatched once)
Claymore
Kaze no Stigma
Crunchy roll just showed me Junjou Romantica I’m having WAR FLASHBACKS
If we mention jjr we have to talk about Banana Fish obviously
Dororo (I remember this one very fondly would rewatch)
Dorohedoro
Mushi shi
Dr stone
Soul Eater
Devilman Crybaby (complicated feelings abt this)
FLCL
Kuroko no Basuke
Bubble ( I think that’s what it was called?)
Neon Genesis I can’t believe I almost forgot yes I have definitely seen the whole Eva enterprise several times
Please don’t recommend Naruto Jojo One Piece Bleach or Dragon Ball I’ll get to them all eventually ok. In my own time. That’s like a task for retirement or a gap year okay LMAO
There is just no way for me to remember every anime I’ve seen there’s too many but we can definitely eliminate a few for a start this way
THANK YOU if you’re even looking at this LMAO
#polls#anime#chainsaw man#given#fairy tale#berserk#yu yu hakusho#march comes in like a lion#nichijou#somali to mori no kamisama#zombie land saga
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Hey MPC, can you set this to post on June 18th? Thanks!!
So uh. Just wanted to say Happy Father's Day to a couple of people who are important to me.
Happy Father's Day, Matsu! I hope you're taking care of yourself. Drink your water, eat your food, and all that good stuff. And don't do anything stupid, you got that? You know what I mean. You don't always have to be the tough guy, okay? Please, if you're able to, just please live your life, and be safe, and. Please remember that there are people who care about you.
Anyways... I've kinda been thinking about that time you took Kaori and me to march in the Pride Parade one year. (I think it was the year before the bird statue thing went down). You carried Kaori on your shoulders, and it was just the funniest thing bc your hair was in the way and she had to push it down to see and it was just kinda hilarious, ya know? The two of you found it funny too.
It's one of the few good memories I've gotten back. Also remember the times I'd help you with the taiyaki stand. Never trust me to do math, Matsu, I'm still bad at it. Least I didn't charge people 10,000 yen. (I absolutely do charge the salesman and old woman when playing the game though. AND THEY ACTUALLY PAY!!?? Old woman kinda makes sense, BUT THE SALESMAN?!! Anyway lmfao)
Just. Those were good times, ya know?
I really miss you. Hope we meet again someday.
And Happy Father's Day, Jack Fenton!! (Man it is so fucking weird calling you by your full name, lmao)
You were, along with Matsu, one of the coolest dads I ever had. You were always fun, esp when I was younger and smaller and you could put me up on your shoulders and I'd pretend I was a spaceship. I mean, even when I was 14 you probably still could do that, but I think by then I was in the teen phase of "I'd feel silly doing that".
And after you and Mom learned about me being Phantom, you kinda joined Team Phantom and man it was awesome!!
The constant questions abt ghost things while I was brushing my teeth, not so much, but I kinda can't blame you and Mom for that lmao!! But it was still really cool to be able to talk to you guys about that kinda stuff. And I think Tucker was also especially happy bc it meant he could nerd out with you guys when it came to the technology side of ghost hunting.
You'd better be taking care of yourself too! If you still like fudge, defo treat yourself to some, you deserve it!
Miss ya, Dad. Hope we meet again someday too.
- Tadokoro Akira / Danny Fenton (#⚜️⚔️lightintheknight✨🛡🌙)
#⚜️⚔️lightintheknight✨🛡🌙#fictionkinfessions#fictionkin#tadokoroakirakin#dannyfentonkin#dannyphantomserieskin#livealivekin#chara love#food cw#fathers day cw#holidays cw#ableist language cw
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top ten characters and media i dont think abt until im reminded they exist and then i go waaa waaa like a little baby. midnight makes me make lists. girl just make a mediareccs post
ace attorney for some reason despite having a large poster of it. i peek behind my curtain and pheeny is there. sup dude. its the headphone art btw i love it. edgey is just too much behind my curtain for me to see him easily. talked my moms ear off abt the diff games bc i was reminded or herlocks existence
bede. i have never played swsh nor will i ever but. thats my son. i could save him i could fix his role in the already dogshit story. i rlly like the word dogshit ive been using it a lot recently.
assault lily. now you have seen me post abt this show all the time but. i could fix it. does it even need to be fixed. well maybe the final arc wasnt well executed like spoilers but they gave them a daughter and then brutally killed her like next eipsode but. yuri. she makes me cry. al rewrite where i just keep her alive. and its such a silly plot just watch it and suspend your disbelief just be like yeah charms huges whatever sure go be gay now
boueibu: three people on the planet have watched it. like its not deep its not groundbreaking its just guys being dudes in fancy outfits. its very forgettable like the characters and stuff but ill never forget the series itself
code geass: do we all remember when i watched it a few months ago and went crazy. yeah me too. it made me worse. i cant even describe my thoughts on it bc tbh i have no thoughts i liked it very much. like thoughts are there but its mostly waaaa waaaa
hey have you watched march comes in like a lion its genuinely one of the best anime ive ever watched like it wont stick in your mind but its a lovely show
sarazanmai???? dear god. i am begging you to watch it. gay people real. ive forgotten the plot sorry but the characters are so good and yeah. beautiful art too. whenever the ed comes up on shuffle i get sooo upset
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guys im stuck on mobile and was editing it at 3 am when tumblr decided to do a silly and post a draft instead of saving it pls ignore it for now 😭😭😭 Tumblr is not letting me copy paste it all into a new draft kill me
stac media highlights of 2023
uhh dont ask why im posting this in march but i just like keeping track of this kinda stuff lol
Here is a list tm of the best media for me in 2023
no this listing is not in any order i just like talking abt things when i think abt them
One Piece Eiichiro Oda, 1997 - Present
What? I got into one piece this year??? who would have known???
i read all of op in 3 months and i loved every second of it
One Piece: Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island, Mamoru Hosoda, 2005
why did no one tell me mamoru hosodas first feature film was a fucking one piece movie
Chainsaw Man, Fujimoto, 2018- Present
i fucking love love csm its literally the only manga that i talk abt with ppl on twit bc i think the majority of anitwit/mangatwit are annoying (pls shut up abt power scaling and ships for one minute PLEASE)
csms pt 2 run currently is much smoother and better than pt 1, i feel a lot closer to asa as a character over denji, and it makes the world feel more real as a result
Dungeon Meshi
Pls do not spoil this for me i am slow at reading and forgor to finish it but this series is an interesting look at
How Do You Live (The Boy and the Heron) Hayao Miyazaki, 2023
I'm not like super big into miyazaki films, I was more of an anno and mamoru hosoda person when i was growing up in the anime sphere, but i really wanted to see this film bc of the dark fantasy elements i heard abt when it first released in japan
Beau is Afraid, Ari Aster, 2023
yeah no its impossible to talk abt this film normally u have to see it its the most fucked up thing i watched in theaters this year and its the movie i wanted to walk out of like 3 times pls watch it
Twilight movies 2008-2012
These were really fun to watch with friends lol its weird to think abt how ya movies and books have changed so much
The Hunger Games books + movies
I've been listening to the Shrieking Shack (the only podcast i listen to lol) read through these books and Im like super enjoying it, theres a lot of interesting stuff they dig up that points out at the hypocrisy of the early 2010s and weird race stuff that happens in thg
i had fun with the movies, watched them with a friend who didnt remember much abt them and we had a great time not a big fan of how it kinda pioneered the gray cement aesthetic of big budget movies tho
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tw. Talk abt nightmares, hallucinations and Vague Mention of Genetic and medical treatments (I'm not a doctor)
What is normal? For me, growing up inside a medical testing facility and… It’s having two rabbit ears permanently attached to my head. Along with the strange new illness from the plethora of tests and medications to “improve human life as a whole”... I’m not sure who it’s helping... Sure, I have improved hearing and agility, but is there anyone else? Is anyone actually being helped by this stuff that's causing me so much turmoil
You may be asking, “where are my parents?” Well, my birth parents deemed me fit to be a genetic experiment. Upon birth, they gave me up to the OGDPC; Operating Genetics Disposition and Performance Center, for reasons that are unknown to me. I was raised by a mass of doctors and nurses. If I had to, I would call the head scientist, Dr. Adler, my father. He had been more of a parent to me than my biological father is. There had been one other girl with me in the lab -that I can recall- If I wanted to I would consider her my sister since we were raised together by the same people and shared a small room, but we were only together for a very short time, i cant even really remember her name. she was taken from our room by Dr. Adler one night and never returned. I can barely remember her face, but forgetting her happy green eyes and the gap between her two front teeth that was always there whenever she smiled at me… the rare moments when she had, unforgettable.
But i seriously doubt my lack of memory is just from the slow march of time. A large chunk of my childhood has blended together into an indistinguishable mess of nightmares and flashbacks. Waking up screaming, crying, and in a cold sweat. Other times, begging men who aren't there to stop and leave me alone. most of the time, happiness feels like the most distant emotion in my constantly confused and sore body. But I'm grateful I'm one of few. I fight with my mind and my heart, convincing myself that it will all be over soon. That one day, I can leave this hell hole and get somewhere where the dark doesn't feel as suffocating.
Really, I know everyone has good intentions. All the nurses are always happy to help when I have any problems, and of course, Dr. Adler is very supportive of my growth.
I just wish it didn't hurt me so much…
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2022 is over so time to get sappy
(scuse the bad spelling im tying wuick and i cant be bothered to go back and correct everything)
warnings - talk of su!c!de sh and depression
i honestly dont even remember what the beginning if the yr was like it was pretty decent but obviously very forgettable and then in like march/april tome my lofe basically went to shit
i started sh again after being clean for a few months and i had a (sort of) su!c!de attempt snd school was so stressful for me and i basically just got rly depressed
my best friend also had a couple su!c!de attempts and that rly scared me
towards the end of the school yr i was genuinely so sad i hated my life so much and i was in such a dark place (i didnt even notice it that much at the time its only now) another of my best friends relapsed after a year clean which was rly shit too
at the beginning of the summer holiday i statred feeling really self conscious about my weight and statred restricing but that didnt last too long
by the end of the summer i was feeling pretty good bc school wasnt putting loads of pressure on me and life was looking up (as one of my friends later told me i apparently looked so much happier and better when we met up)
school started again and i was prepared for everything to go downhill again but surprisingly it wasnt that bad
i niw have more of a social life (i go to more parties and stuff) whoch helped i think but my friends knew more abt my mental health which was also rly great bc i could stop hiding as much
from sep - dec ive been pretty happy
ive had several moments when i think life isnt worth living but it only lasts a day at most nothing like the weeks or months earlier in yhe yr
ive had a few sh incidents recently but nowjere near as mich as before
yes my life isnt perfect but i truly think ive found the joy in life and things are starting yo look up
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my emotions have kind of, exploded recently. they’ve hit the metamorphic, top, the peak, the ceiling. etc. thruout the past week alone it’s been - or, i’ve been, a tantrum-y, volatile mess.
i don’t think i’ve had the... capacity, to go, “i think we need sleep apart, tonight,” ever. in the course of our entire relationship. for the greater good, yeah, and we talked abt it the morning after and it was like... Yeah OK that was, the right call, to make. BPD rage is not fun to experience, for either party... and it was a constructive talk, bettered our relationship and all.
really the extremeness, of it all, is annoying. exhausting. it can’t be described easily, err, like... “it’s a firework, short but intense,” because - not always! intense and long! or long and mild, but SO SO VERY LONG... etc. and it’s unreliable. some days i can handle a mountainous weight of troubles and groan little. whereas the day before or its tomorrow - total nuclear meltdown from something trivial. minor, to the point it can’t be given example.
i’m justtt.t...tt... (rubs at face) Tired. of this. he is Patient (the most, saintlike, etc, yada yada cooing) and coddles me and comforts regardless. but i feel .. bad... despite knowing that i can’t. help, it. and the episodes themselves aren’t as frequent NOR as severe. which doesn’t feel true, but it is, we both know this.
smth smth... Wish i was normal, for his sake. really. (dry laugh) fuck off everyone else, you can deal with my neurosis, whatever. BUT MY BOY SHOULDN’T... LET ME BE NEUROTYPICAL AND TRAUMA-FREE, IF JUST FOR HIM.
@@;; He is special and oh boy. is that unfortunate. my brain has conjured up one whole empathy for him. i remember the feeling, of the first time, of... “i’ve hurt him and i feel... bad...” awful, stomach-twisting, akin to a hot knife’s stab. and when i later relayed this agony to him, he was just. yeah, you. uh. you care about me, to the point of... you’ve empathetic
and it’s just
(me grabbing at my heart, trying to pull the emotional valve out) AUGH!! BUT I DON’T!!! WANT TO!!!!!!!! EMPATHY IS STUPID!!!!!!!! but i just wallow in remorse. head-first in my watery sobs and pooling blood, lol.
cut to him at the side, all blushy. o-oh wow, i really am special... he ONLY feels empathy for ME... i made him feel regret... u///u
prior to our relationship i detested. complications or arguments due to their... longevity and strain. very few reward for an overwrought and annoying affair.
while that’s... still true, in some regard, ofc. now it’s flavored with, “if i hurt him, i’ll be hurting myself :(. i’ll feel bad, remorseful, and guilty” and the. well. ASPD part of my brain screams “NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!” thrashing and screaming. i am a void incapable of ‘affection’ beyond material, self-interested gain, i do not have an ingrained morality - YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, FEEL. FOR OTHERS, TO THE EXTEND THAT I FEEL WHAT THEY FEEL. PAIN, PLEASURE... i cannot ‘relate’ to anyone! if i make someone cry, i’m not gonna feel bad!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you!!!!!!!
alas. ice queen defrosted. i..... care... and thus being a webbed experience of. Near Daily pain, with a background of near 2 decades’ of nonstop trauma... which has culminated in, an underdeveloped adult with the mentality & emotional regulation of a child. and better we acknowledge the borderline and psychotic spice, too
i feel. BAD. for him, because of him, for me, because of me. fuck this (tries, yet again, to carve heart out. unsuccessfully)
the explanation of it, the culprit being, “winter,” SOUNDS - awful! usually i don’t get into these terrible dips until mid-late nov, it’s barely autumn, the temperature hasn’t even dipped yet... but even if by some shred it makes sense. longer nights and fluxing cold. i fear the actual wintry time, if this is the precursor.
nov-march (or, ah, even april, in fairness) months have always been the. Always the Testy Months. make or break. this particular year we are hoping he is coming to visit, but it’s still a tentative thing, and it’s give or take a week, a four week drop-in. it’s exciting and nervewracking, the... face-to-face, sleeping in the same bed, TRAPPED WITHIN MY SHITTY STUDIO... altho like we’ve had, numerous convos abt this. discussed the possibility. “if we’re not compatible, in the flesh - you are still the most important person in my life” etc. so...
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