Pink Onyx AU- An Analysis and Theory Post, Part 5

[Part 1] | [Part 2] | [Part 3] | [Part 4] | [Part 5- You are here!]

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Apologies for this post going up far later than intended!

This is the final part of my analysis series on the excellent @pink-onyx-au comic made by @ceephorsshitshow. If you haven’t already, please check out the first four parts- linked above- for more information on what these posts are all about. A lot of this analysis will build on what came previously.

Now, here’s where I’m really starting to take a big ol’ stab at some speculation. 

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Question Seven: Is Steven’s mental repression about corrupting ALSO causing him to physically repress post-corruption scars?

Not only has Steven as a whole continuously shied away from discussing anything about his corruption incident, but he’s been vocally downplaying it, too… his voice overtly growing smaller the one time he overtly references it.

(Episode 1: Page 6)

He briefly alludes to his corruption later when he realizes that Onyx bears their own corruption scars (and ones that defo weren’t Jasper influenced), but beyond that he hasn’t willfully mentioned this topic one bit.

Which… if we didn’t already know how much he Deeply Dislikes Talking About His Own Feelings… would be odd, given the fact that one of his big reasons for trying to fuse with Jasper is to “feel what it’s like to be each other” and try to foster a better understanding between them both. Like, Steven. Buddy. Corruption is a HUGE thing that you now have in common with Jasper. At some point, you’re gonna have to bite that bullet and actually sit down and process this reality.

Far earlier in this analysis series, I brought up a bit of dialogue from Jasper that I said I’d be discussing later.

(Episode 2: Page 15) 

“That human form you wear must have been hiding your markings.”

Yeah, this bit. 

Even if Steven isn’t vocally bringing up the elephant in the room himself, Jasper seems to immediately recognize what he’s gone through. (Something something, ambient thought sharing within fusion.)

And her theory here is interesting, albeit not entirely accurate.

Not only is Steven’s human form hiding his markings, but his Gem form seems to be, too. Because we’ve seen his Gem. 

(Episode 3: Page 11)

He harbors almost no corruption remnants save for a set of noticeably sharp upper teeth (that full hybrid Steven does not have.)

Now, why is this? Why does Onyx present with what should be Steven’s corruption markings, but not Steven or his own components?

Let’s take a quick look to catalog which features are whose before we move on. Let’s start simple- with Jasper.

Jasper only has three notable post-corruption marks- one splotch on her left shoulder, one on her right hand over her thumb, and a pair of horns sticking up through her hair. They’re easily traceable on Onyx’s design.

(Episode 2: Page 12)

There they are! I’ve circled them in red for convenience. Of course, what the big bomb at the end of Episode 9 suggests to me (Steven suddenly showing evidence of corruption scars) is that every other trace of past corruption on Onyx is something that Steven brings to this fusion. Which means, what he’s bringing to the table must be:

Two separate splotches on the right arms, visible claws, and the arm spikes we saw his corrupted form with in “I Am My Monster.” (I imagine that Steven’s corrupted form also having horns influences how long Onyx’s are, compared to Jasper’s.)

Not to mention, uh…

(Episode 7: Page 7)

This gigantic ass geode scar on their back. Which we know for a FACT is Steven’s, because-

Something about being Onyx with Jasper results in these normally repressed features manifesting in full… even when he’s still avoiding conversation about it. Is it due to some sort of subconscious feeling of acceptance- the sense that he feels safer being his rawest self around her, since she’s been through the same thing? Or is it something else entirely?

Bottom line is, Steven may be able to repress these markings just as he does his own emotions… but Onyx does not. And with this latest episode, it seems that certain aspects of this fusion are already rubbing off on him.

(Episode 9: Page 22)

We at least have a visual on the large mark with two overlapping circles on his right arm in these frames.

But, uh… let me ALSO point your attention to-

Yeah. Y e a h. I think that’s the very tippy top of Steven’s version of the back scarring we see Onyx with. It’s hard to say for sure if it’s the same geode scar design, but it’s definitely something.

Anyways! The boy’s got visible scars now. Can’t really hide from the reality of your own experiences looking like this, huh? *twiddles fake and very mysterious mustache*

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Where I think all this could be going:

Now. With all those discussion points out of the way, I’m gonna do a bit of theorization on where I think a few plot threads could be going.

Number one. 

Onyx’s healing spit and “Jasper’s ugly plants.”  

(Episode 4: Page 10)

While re-reading, I noticed that there’s a growing pattern of Onyx using their healing spit- either intentionally or not- and then their surroundings reacting very swiftly to their mental state. In the above panel, a fronting Jasper tries to use the spit to fix a broken rock. Then, when she speaks ill of the fusion after it fails to work, the spit begins to melt away at said rock as if it were acid.

(Episode 7: Page 10)

Something similar happens when Onyx spits onto the ground here. After Jasper speaks with intent to cause harm to the fusion to split them apart, a creeping vine begins to ominously sprout out of the ground while they’re not looking. (And then, it legit just gets. Sucked into the ground. Oughhgoughhgh spooky.)

I think this plant is the same one that Onyx puts on blast as “Jasper’s ugly plant” in the next episode, that venus flytrap lookin’ one.

And I think the reason it has grown so large and aggressive is that the results of Onyx’s healing spit usage is tightly intertwined with their emotional state. Thus, whenever Onyx says or thinks something negative about themself, the plants they’ve created leap in size. Or in the case of the spit on the rock, it starts to decay. It feels like a logical extension of the way Steven’s activation of his powers at ALL is linked to his emotions. 

With all of this in mind, my theory is that over time these plants are going to cause more and more of a problem as Onyx continues to beat themself down- and that the growing urgency of this issue will act as a sort of visual feedback for them when it comes to trying to escape this cycle of negative self-talk and self-loathing. 

Number Two.

Re: everything that's been discussed in previous posts, I think Jasper’s arc here is going to be centered around two things. First, I think she’ll have to finally reckon with the reality of her shattering and come to terms with the fact that she actually IS upset about what Steven did to her. 

Second, I think she will- through what I’m hoping will eventually be a healthy fusion dynamic as Onyx- start working through her deep-rooted abandonment trauma. 

(Episode 8: Page 9)

Said fusion may not be someone who gets to exist forever as she might prefer, but Onyx’s existence even for a SHORT time deeply matters, and this makes the experience alone incredibly worth it, in my mind. I dearly hope she comes to realize this too, one day.

Number Three.

I think the sudden surfacing of corruption scars for Steven is going to (in time) force him to stop repressing his own feelings about what he went through from the people around him and actually push him to start talking about this experience, to actually process it. 

Crucially, he won’t be able to conceal these markings from Jasper, and they will finally see eye-to-eye on realizing they hold this experience (corruption) in common, and that they both in some way felt they deserved it for the people they became. Suffice it to say, I am very eyes emoji at the fact that an upcoming episode is titled “Self-Hatred,” with the description “Steven and Jasper realize what they have in common.” 

Y e p. Yep, yep, yep. Whatever happens in that episode is bound to be VITAL to the trajectory of Onyx’s story.

Because only once they both recognize and vocalize what they both hold in common and stop running from these facets of themselves can their fusion truly find lasting harmony. 

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Lingering questions with no clear answers:

What I’ve discussed in these posts is for sure not exhaustive- this comic is very dense with potential lore musings and interpretations, and there’s plenty of lingering mystery even still. Here is a list of some of the questions I still have jangling about in my mind, off the top of my head:

What is the deal with that rabbit, and is it anything more complex than “Onyx healed it?” Why does it snap alert and glow whenever Onyx is active? I think this connects with my earlier healing spit musings in some ways, but I have not determined how yet.

Steven got nicked by a prickly vine in Episode 5, and a bit of his blood was lingering on the thorn afterwards. Where is this leading? (Also seems connected to the healing spit musings.)

What is the purpose of all the glitchiness at the edges of some of the panels? Is it merely an extension of the instability suggested by the butterfly motif, or does it mean something entirely different?

What exactly was Connie’s hunch about Steven when she reached out to Pearl? We know from the most recent episode that Pearl thinks Steven is trying to hide rebound transformations… and possibly Amethyst, too. But what about Connie? She has a lot more context from her text conversation than any of the others do, right now.

And what does Garnet actually know? We haven’t seen any of her perspective yet except that one ominous future vision timestream spread.

As a final little note to cap off this post series, thank you so much to @ceephorsshitshow for your incredible and frankly, inspirational work on this comic- and for allowing me to pilfer so many of your stunning comic panels to go absolutely hog wild analyzing your work. Regardless of whoever else reads these, I hope that at least you got a kick out of observing my Suffering in the Meta Trenches of your own story, ahahah.

Thank you to any of y’all who have read along with me- and for god’s sake, if you’re still here and you haven’t checked out this comic yet, what on Earth are you doing? Go, go- to the tumblr page with you! Check it out, holy shit!

You can read the Pink Onyx comic here.

Have a nice day/night, all!

Curtains.

Watching Jaskier’s artistic evolution throughout the series of TWN has been such a delight to behold. In the beginning when we first meet Jaskier, he’s young and hungry for recognition. He already knows he’s going to be the greatest bard whoever lived, he just needs to convince everyone else of that. While it’s obvious Jaskier has a passion for his craft, he isn’t really focused on anything other than coming up with a smash hit. “Toss a Coin” is no doubt a catchy tune, but lacks any significant amount of substance. That’s Jaskier's overall artistic energy in S1. He wants his name out there even if it involves a bit of pandering to the masses. 

And Jaskier achieves this! Through the popularity of his work, Jaskier gains the significant achievement of playing for the court of Queen Calanthe. This is the moment for him to finally showcase something more in line with the kind of music he actually wants to create, to break away from the diddies of his youth. However, the moment he starts to play, Jaskier is immediately shot down. No one wants to hear his “maudling” and the disappointment on his face is clear. Still, ever the showman, Jaskier refers to the more crowd pleasing “Fishmonger’s Daughter”.   

In S2, Jaskier is at his lowest. He’s alone, heartbroken, and almost entirely indifferent to his courtly reputation and popularity. This is Jaskier at his rawest. He doesn’t care whether or not people like his songs, he’s using them as a way to process through his emotional turmoil. And it produces some strong work. Burn Butcher Burn may not be the thing the farmers will sing while working the fields or by children running in the streets, but it seems people have enough of an appreciation for this candor. Afterall, who hasn't had their heart broken before? It's relatable.   

It’s in S3 that we finally see Jaskier bloom into what is arguably his most authentic artistic self. He's got the popularity to remain relevant and in demand, but he's able to use the weight of that to explore more creative avenues he couldn't as a young man desperately shoving bread down his pants. He’s so secure in himself and his work that he feels safe to turn down a position in court proposed by the prince of Redania himself. Jaskier knows who he is and what he wants to create and he leans into that whole heartedly. 

I'm not the best at articulating my thoughts so I hope this makes enough sense, but I'm having a lot of feelings about it. As a creative myself, there's a specific feeling that comes from watching someone live their best most authentic creative lives 💖

Okay I'm rereading some beginning chapters of acotar and Feyre says Alis and the two other servants look human/high fae. Like humans with pointed ears. Specifically described Alis as a brown haired woman.

It's probably the glamour, but a very interesting take on it.

Also Tamlin "plops" down into his chair as a horse sized beast AND THEN shifts back to high fae form??? 😭 Sarah what are you talking about?

Credit tho, this is probably the best Feyre is written. Smart, observant, thinking - still panicked but not making stupid mistakes. And kinda funny, she thinks Tamlin is wearing the mask in solidarity with Lucien since Lucien probably wants to hide his scar.

Lucien is a bit weird? In retrospect, he knows about the curse, about the sentries going despite Tamlin's reluctance but he's acting like Tamlin traded Andras's life for Feyre's?

Also sjm's manipulative writing. At no point has Tamlin done anything to save Feyre or earn her trust but she mentally starts switching from captor to saviour out of nowhere. It's only chapter 5 or 6. Be serious. She hasn't even been there a day and she's saying the humans were wrong about Prythian.

Alis and the other two servants cut Feyre's hair, why? Also Alis telling Feyre to take Lucien down a peg lol.

Alis says Feyre will be safe at the mercy of their master and just before she left the dining room Feyre saw Lucien bow to Tamlin as well as be talked down from throwing Feyre out. How does she not know he's the High Lord?

Lucien to Tamlin: you have zero rizz, my boy

Also Lucien: "we're not going to bite." Teeth gleaming in a way that suggested otherwise. Cassian stole this man's whole flow 🙄

Not Tamlin saying it's an honour for a human to be served by a High Fae, stfu.

“You look … better than before.”

Was that a compliment? I could have sworn Lucien gave Tamlin an encouraging nod.

“And your hair is … clean.”

HAHAHAHA

(Lucien muttered, “So typically human.”) racism.

Lucien was seriously upset about Andras. That hurts.

Tamlin immediately assures Feyre that he's helped her family with income. It's chapter 7. The tension is sucked out of the situation and Feyre's motivation to leave is nullified by the author. That's kinda bad writing. Narratively it makes sense for Tamlin to use this against her trying to escape tho.

Tamlin has magic ropes? Hands? That can just hold Feyre in place?

Feyre: he's lying. Also Feyre: faeries can't lie.

“Why be so generous?” Lucien gave me a look that suggested he had no idea

They literally just finished making sure she wasn't in love with anyone back home so she could fall for Tamlin easier. So Lucien knows exactly why???

Feyre misses sleeping next to her sisters 🥺

Nesta must be stretching her legs and smiling at the extra room. She was probably content imagining me in the belly of a faerie—probably using the news as a chance to be fussed over by the villagers.

She legitimately doesn't know anything about Nesta.

...maybe the villagers would turn on my family, not wanting to be associated with people tied with Prythian, and run them out of town.

acotar Feyre would punch acomaf Feyre in the mouth

"Your hair is … clean. A pathetic compliment." 😭😭😭

(“What in the bottomless depths of the Cauldron is—”) so you're telling me sjm actually used to use real lore and incorporate it into worldbuilding. Wow. Like this is such a good line and flows so naturally from an upset Alis because of course that is how fae see the world.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at my slightly uptilted eyes. I knew I’d see Nesta or my mother looking back at me.

I’d sometimes wondered if that was why my sister had insulted me about my looks. I was a far cry from ugly, but…

I bore too much of the people we’d hated and loved for Nesta to stand it. For me to stand it, too.

The dynamic between Nesta, Feyre and the ghost of their mother could have been one of the realist, rawest elements of this series...

My dream about Logan, Thomas, Virgil and Orange

Okay so. I had a dream about a new episode and was so raw and cool, i had to write it down somewhere.

Note: in my dream i was so excited that I jumped to parts of the episode, not being able to watch it in one piece. It also had an unimportant sideplot so the “scene” has cuts here and there.

Thomas has some problem and orange starts to take over. Framing orange as „rage“. But Thomas is unaware of this and just gets angrier every day

At one point he sits at a table with virgil and talks with him about smth. Until Thomas breaks out in a lighthearted chuckle and says:

„Oh virgil, thats why from all the sides I hate you the most“ Smiling calmly, as if he didnt just drop the rawest line of the whole series.

And virgil is understandably shocked and doesn‘t know how to respond

Then commercial break. Side plot stuff happens until there is a cut back to the mainplot.

Later same setting but with Logan. Thomas called him because Logic would surely be able to help him.

Thomas wasn‘t understanding himself. Why he was so angry at seemingly nothing. Why he told virgil that he hated him. He was angry and yet panicked.

Logan listened to him rant but felt the orange aura pressing into the foreground. Within Thomas and himself.

At one point Logan knew he had to leave. So he stood up and tried to brush Thomas off.

„Nope sorry thomas, nothing that can be done“

„But can‘t we-„

„I apologize, you‘ll have to figure that one out yourself. I am no help here“

Which he said very fastly, as his main focus was to get out of the situation. Leaving Thomas by himself and his turmoil of feelings.

(Also a little detail, during the whole thing Logan was stressed out too but did a good job at hiding it. He even had his tie untied and hanging over his shoulders. He looked like he didnt get much sleep)

From here on out I was freaking out with excitement, since I felt a plot arc coming I had anticipated for a long time. So i kept rewinding to watch scenes again. And hovering my cursor to different parts of the timeline and seeing little previews. So this is why I only remember the following in little parts of different scenes:

⁃ Logan in the bathroom, having his Jekyll and Hyde moment with Orange.

⁃ Logan trying to calm himself

⁃ Logan puking out something orange

⁃ Logan trying to clean his shirt and making himself presentable again

⁃ Stitching his tie back together again

⁃ Only slowly calming down again and managing to separate himself from the anger

While all of this, Thomas is talking with his therapist and friends. Making him slowly calm down again and returning to his normal self. Which was the reason for orange letting go of Logan again.

Then i woke up. I got too excited xD

The reason I was so hooked on this was because we could see a direct connection between Thomas and his sides. Orange not only influencing the side but Thomas and his behavior as well. And vice versa too!

We saw Thomas as this angry, violent and out-of-character person. Which felt really intense. Also seeing Logan lose control like that was… something.

So yes. Im sorry if this makes little sense. I wrote this right after waking up so i wouldn’t forget.

hamatora and "it has nothing to do with you"

ok so since i'm still battling a serious case of hamatora-brain in 2023 i rewatched it again just now with one of my friends. and one thing that stood out to me this time was just how often the phrase "it has nothing to do with you"/"none of your business" and variations of it come up in the series. like i didn't keep track of it but "kankeinai" is in there at least once every few episodes. this got long sorry

i don't know if it's the first instance of it but the most prominent one would be art snapping at nice after nice spitball-solves the prison break-in case by correctly guessing moral's MO in the middle of the first season. 君には関係ない！ one of the rawest line deliveries in all of anime forever. anyway this got me thinking about how i feel that selfishness is a key theme in hamatora and i believe that that selfishness can manifest itself as like... the characters wanting to keep others out of their 'business' as a way to decisively solve a situation for themself Alone.

obviously this is most on display with art's whole deal (being insistent on solving the moral case alone and having that backfire on him several times in the chest in a graveyard in the rain)(blowing up the whole city to grant his dead brother's wish instead of you know. talking to any of his friends about it) but we see other characters do this kind of thing too. like um hang on

nice taking off to fight moral on the boat alone

murasaki going into business for himself and confronting art (and subsequently getting his shit rocked by freemum)

hajime sacrificing herself to momoka and co and leaving nothing but a letter for nice

ratio being so serious about 1v1ing nice in order to save suruga (and birthday and chiyuu)

three trying to Atone For His Sins with the way he was running that orphanage

like that kind of thing. everyone wants to try and handle their Problems all alone as some sort of way of like...finding closure for themselves i think. they don't want to get others involved in their shit for fear of taking away some of the satisfaction that they think will come from them solving things themself (even if the thing they are doing is for the sake of another character.....eg "nice, it's over. i'm coming home now." lol)

if anyone out there who still cares about hama in this day and age has any thoughts about this i would Love to hear them. even if u think i am way off the mark lmao actually please correct me if i'm wrong. i just was really fascinated by just how often i heard that "it has nothing to do with you" line in the series over and over. everything has everything to do with the whole cast of characters they just don't want to talk about it.

i havent read it but out of curiosity thoughts on gideon as a protagonist

ANNOYING. really, really, annoying. snarky in like a mcu or tumblr way. but I think that if she wasn't written by a tumblr user trying to be funny (failing. badly) then she would probably be fairly solid. intetesting story arc. delivers some of the best slash rawest lines in the series (I'm thinking here of harrow asking what gideon is doing (she is about to kill herself in front of harrow to save her) and gideon saying "the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to you in your whole life", and "I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it") except for probably everything that ortus ever says because he's the realest bitch in this stupid series. sadly she also delivers some of the worst lines in the series, due to being a protagonist written by not just a tumblr user but also a homestuck fan.

Peach Scone (Be The Young 23)

GIANT TW which will be valid for each episode for suicidal thoughts, SELF H*RM, violence, cursing, relatives dying, mentions of s*x, s*xual assault

All chapter titles are song titles, some of them translated from Italian songs. We start from the first season and make out way through the series. I will break canon (mostly from the S2 finale) but will try to get back into it for the sake of ✨ lore ✨ .

Summary: Emily's life used to be normal. Until one day, her family died, leaving behind just one letter.

"After reading this whole letter, call John Winchester. [...] He’s your real father."

A/N: As I said last time, I’m sorry... This- this is just sad tbh

MASTERLIST

Peach Scone

Or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone.

Emily and Dean's last fight seemed to have finally turned their relationship around: she even managed to get some comfort out of him while they were burning Sam's body. It seemed like all the people Emily loved were taken away by fire. Each and everyone of them, she had to watch them slowly being consumed by flames. When the fire extinguished itself, it was almost midnight and around them was pitch black. However, they didn’t move for a while. They stayed in complete darkness. “Dean, I want to quit.” She blurted out. She didn’t mean to say it. But it was true. Hunting had cost her close to everything. Dean was the only person she had left. “If you die as well I won’t survive it.” “We should have brought him back.” Dean’s voice pierced the dark as if it was lightning. Emily dug her nails in his shoulder, where she was resting her left hand. Those weren’t things they would ever admit face to face. They were saying it exclusively because it was dark. And it’s easier to say terrible things when it’s dark. It’s as if they are less loud. Emily would never admit it, but she was regretting giving up on Sam as well. She knew that what she had with him, she could never have with Dean. They would never share the dorkiness, they would never be able to share random glimpses of their rawest emotions through telepathy. However, she also knew that moving on was the only healthy solution. The one that would have caused less damages. Or at least that’s what she thought. And so the weeks passed. Slowly, but regularly. Dean was drunk most of the time. Emily had to take the bottle away from him several times each day and she did not like how angry he progressively became every time she did. The idilliac state they lived in for a few days was about to run out. The bubble was about to burst. Their fights were going to be back. Worse than before.

“Dean.” She warned as he punched the table when Emily took away the bottle from her. “Watch it.” Since they had burned Sam’s body, she had to transform into a weird, unhealthy version of a mother. She could not afford to be the little sister anymore. Someone had to be the adult and Dean was out of himself. She put the bottle away and stepped behind Dean, putting her hands on his shoulders. His body tensed for a second before starting to slowly relax as Emily started massaging his shoulders. “You know I can’t let you drink that much.” “I know. Sorry.” “You always say that.” She made sure to be out of Dean’s line of sight as her eyes were filled with tears. Emily wanted things to be way better than they were. She had a glimpse of Dean as a big brother but it was all soon gone when he started realizing Sam was dead. For good. That they weren’t bringing him back. “‘Right.” She said, letting him go and clearing her throat. “Any requests for dinner?” Emily took the glass away from the table as well and quickly rinsed it in the sink. She stood over it, trying her best not to cry. “I’m not too hungry.” He sighed, staring in front of him with hard eyes. Emily started to wonder if she didn’t get there too late. If she didn’t stop him in time. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, trying her best to not let any worry seep through her words, but only a fake firmness. Dean didn’t answer. Not that Emily needed any answers: the answer was obviously “no”. Sam was the only one who knew how to take on Dean to make him talk. Emily filled the glass she had just rinsed with water and placed it in front of Dean. When she sat in front of him, Dean gave her an enraged glare. She was definitely too late. “Dean, please.” She tried to touch his shoulder but he moved away while also shoving her arm in the opposite direction. She stood back up and took a deep, long sigh. Don’t freak out. She repeated to herself. Don’t play his game. “Maybe it’s better if I leave you alone for a while.” “No, stay.” “Dean, we both know how this ends.” “I SAID STAY!” He yelled.

Emily shut her eyes both to the sound of her brother screaming, once more angry at her for the sole guilt of existing. The door slammed shut, her powers once again going out of control. She dangled her head for a second, trying to gather all the patience and calm she had. She had seen it again and again. She knew how it was going to go. She arrived too late. Dean was too drunk. He could not control himself anymore. His thoughts were not lucid and she could see it from how he looked at her. “Why did you stop me from bringing him back?” He said, on the verge of crying. “Because I care about you, that’s why.” Emily tried to be as straight forwards as possible, yet to not give him the impression she was trying to fight. “I am not doing this with you again.” She tried to walk out the door. “You made me burn his body!” Dean stood and dragged her away from the door and pushed her to the wall. “We agreed on it!” She said, staring at him. He did not give any signs of setting her free. “Dean.” She warned again. “Let me go.” Her tone was calm, but inside, she was already anticipating what was about to happen. She had gone down that road at least twice a week for more than a month. It had always gone the same way. “Dean. I am not warning you a fourth time. Let - go - of - me.” The more she talked, the more he seemed upset. By the end of the sentence, he already had his hand raised. Emily could have used her powers to set herself free, but it always made him angrier. Emily welcomed the back of Dean’s hand collapsing violently with her face for the third time that week and didn’t even flinch. “Feel better now?” Dean let go of her as if she was made of fire, his glare turning into regret. “Can I go or…?” “I’m sorry. Please- Please stay.” He said, watching her go back to her routine tasks. Emily hid herself facing the sink once more, massaging her face. “I told you you were not going to feel better.” She said, going back to washing the dishes as nothing ever happened. She sighed, relieved, hearing the tone of the washing machine announcing it was over. She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. Bobby was staring at her from the corner of the room, where he sat, reading a book. “He did it again, didn’t he?” Emily nodded as she slid on the floor, holding her head into her hands. “Is he getting any better?” She shook her head. His bad days were becoming more and more numerous to the expense of the good days. She tried her best not to cry so as to not attract Dean’s attention. Bobby helped her stand back up and hugged her. She immediately started sobbing. He shushed her. “It’s going to be alright. Don’t worry, darling.” They moved away from the door and towards the stairs. “I'll take care of the dinner tonight, okay? You go upstairs and rest a bit.” She nodded on the man’s shirt and started climbing up the stairs. When she reached the laundry room, she released all her sobbing. She started crying, in physical and psychological pain. She placed her hands on the washing machine and cried loud enough to not hear the two men arguing downstairs. It took her a handful of minutes before she was able to recollect herself and actually do the task she was supposed to do. She took the washed clothes out of the machine and put them in a basket which she then carried downstairs, making sure to walk fast enough so that nobody would notice she was still crying. “I thought I said get some rest,“ commented Bobby as she passed through the main room. “It will get stinky if I don't do it now.” She said, going out the door and around the house, where she had hung some lines to dry her clothes on. While she was out there, Bobby approached her. He was heading out with Rufus to help him out for a hunt. “Will you be okay?” He asked, concerned. “Yeah, don’t worry. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” “Yeah, about that…“ “What?” She side eyed him, suspicious. “I called Ellen, she agreed on letting you stay with her for a while.” “Why?” She scoffed. “You know why.” Emily stopped tending at the laundry and drew a deep breath. “Bobby, he needs someone to be around.” “Well, that someone doesn’t have to be you.” “But what if-” “Emily, he’s an adult. And you are not supposed to be his mother! This isn’t up for debate, you are leaving as soon as I am back from this job.” “But-” “I would start packing if I were you.”

Later that night she was in her room, reluctantly packing, when her attention was raised by the sound of glass breaking. “Dean!” She yelled, warningly. A mother. She sounded exactly like a mother. Something else broke. What would her mother have done if she started breaking stuff? She ran down the stairs. “What the hell are you doing?!” She said, entering the kitchen, worried. There stood Dean, a beer bottle in his hand and several broken glass shards lying on the floor in front of him. “Give me that.” She said, extending her hand towards the bottle he was holding. Dean didn’t move. “I said-” she took a step and forced the bottle out of his hands. He gave up way too easily. “Dean!” She snapped her fingers in front of him. “What is going on?!” What was the point in asking? She knew exactly what was going on. She felt that exact sensation for years. Emily knew how difficult it was to snap out of that. All you can think is how much you hate your life and how much you want to change things, but you are stuck. Stuck somewhere you can't get out of. Just like someone who is permanently trapped in a box, Dean stared in front of him with the emptiest gaze Emily had ever seen on him. All she wanted was for him to show some signs of life. It was only when she put both her hands on his face, so fast it was almost a slap, and made him turn towards her that he finally looked at her, almost as if he just noticed her presence. His eyes were filled with tears. “Wait, are you-” she let go of him as if he was made of fire. It was the first time Emily saw Dean crying after Sam had died. An alarm set off in her that something was very, very wrong. Dean rolled his eyes and turned the other way, putting his hands on the border of the sink, his head danling in between. “Dean, what’s going on?” She heard him sniff as an answer. She put a hand on his shoulder and made him turn her way. She stared at his deep green eyes, so filled with sadness and yet so empty of any life. It physically hurt to see him like that, she would rather see him angry and on the verge of punching her. Anything but like that. “Come here.” She said, pulling him towards her. He strongly smelled of beer, even more than usual, and she had to go to the tip of her toes in order to properly hug him, but she made sure he rested his head on her shoulder. He broke down crying as soon as she wrapped him with her arms. Dean Winchester wasn't a sobber, but Emily felt his body wince several times. Suddenly, it felt like she was holding a porcelain doll. Like he was going to break if she wasn’t too careful. Or maybe like if he was already broken. “It’s alright,“ she whispered, caressing the back of his neck. ”...do you want to talk about it?” He didn’t really answer with words, but it seemed to Emily that he winced a little harder. “Ok.” She concluded, holding him close. She let him cry on her shoulder. She couldn't help but wonder where all that sadness was coming from. Was it another nightmare? Was it about her moving away? Or was it something entirely different? After a while, when Emily felt Dean's heart go back to a normal rate, she unwrapped her arms from around him. She cupped his face, just like her mother would always do to her when she cried, and dried his face with her thumbs. “What about some coffee, uh? Dry up your head a little?” She smiled. He nodded. Dean sat down at the table and Emily filled the coffee maker with water. With a familiar beep she had heard several times everyday since they landed at Bobby’s, it started heating itself up. The coffee scent was spreading in the kitchen. “First things first,“ she said, opening the cabinet. ”...water.” She filled two glasses with water and placed one in front of Dean while keeping one for herself. He didn't seem to pay too much attention to the gesture, still wrapped in whatever he was overthinking about. “Dean!” She called. “Drink the water.” He automatically grabbed the glass and started drinking. “Did you have any dinner?” “Yes- I- uh… No I have not.” He finally admitted. Two seconds later, the sound of a pan hitting metal echoed in the room. “Come on, Emily, you don't have to do this…“ “Oh, sure, I'll just let you starve!” She said, sarcastic, moving a couple of blood jars to finally reveal the peanut butter she had bought weeks before. She sniffed it. Good enough. Then, it was time to find the jam, which luckily resided in the fridge, and the bread. She lit the fire under the pan and started toasting the bread. She poured coffee into a cup and handed it to Dean. “I told you, it's not-” “Oh come on,“ she said, moving his cup closer to his mouth. “You've been the big brother all your life. Let me be the older one for a second, okay?” He looked at her for a second before taking a sip of the coffee. She smiled and went back to her bread. Soon, it was nice and toasted and Dean had a peanut butter and jelly toast in front of him. “Do you want me to take crusts away or…“ She joked, sitting down next to him while unwrapping a snack bar, she sat on the table. Dean looked at the food but hesitated to eat it. “Eat, you'll feel better. Come on.” She pushed the plate a little closer to him. He suddenly stood up. “Okay, no- no. This is not working.” “Come on, Dean, it's just food!” “I'm supposed to be the one that takes care of you, not the other way around.” Emily stood up as well. “So, I can't help you?” “It's just-” He sighed. “Looking out for Sam has always been my job. And I failed. Now I am supposed to look out for you, but-” “It's not your job anymore, Dean. I'm just trying to make sure you are okay. Mentally and physically. Now…“ She moved the plate even closer to him. “Eat your toast.” She said, nervous. He finally sat back down. “Dean, really. Let me take care of you, okay? Just for a minute?” Her voice immediately became softer as she sat back down. Dean looked at the toast, unsure. He took a small bite, then raised his eyebrows and finished the whole thing. She waited for him to finish the toast completely, then she took the plate away and placed it in the sink. She stood in between the sink and Dean. She knew that answering her next question would have been easier if he didn't see her. “Did you already speak with Bobby about…?” Emily played with an overhang on her index finger. Dean didn't answer. “Should I take it as a yes?” He sighed. “I did.” “And?” “I don’t know what to tell you, just go if you want to get rid of me that badly.” “Getting rid of-” “Yeah, you think I don’t see it? You can’t wait to leave.” “Dean, that’s not true!” “Right.” He said, sarcastic. “Right? I literally just cooked you your first meal in what, two days? What is the next thing you say going to be, that I don’t care about you?” “That’s exactly my next point, yes.” “Are you serious?” She scoffed. “Never been more serious.” “So you really think that I don’t give a shit?” She pushed herself away from the sink. “That’s right.” He answered, suddenly calm. “And what makes you think that?” “You wouldn’t leave if you actually cared.” “Dean-” she stuttered, getting more and more nervous. “I am not deciding to leave. I am being forced by Bobby because you keep acting like a fucking asshole.” They stayed in complete silence. Dean never got back at her and Emily eventually leaned against the sink again. “Dean?” She called a while later. “Uh?” “Are you going to start hunting again?” “Maybe.” To that answer, Emily couldn't help but shiver. “Ok.” “See? If you cared, you would have fought me on this.” He turned around to look at her. “Do you want me to fight you on that?” The clock ticked, nobody moved for a while. Nobody spoke. A dog barked not too far away. “Yeah.” Emily pushed herself away from the sink once more, putting down the coffee mug. She sat in front of Dean. “Why on earth would you go back?” She asked. “It’s the family business. People are dying because we are not out there.” “Yeah, but what about you?! What about us? I mean, hunting has taken away everything from us. It took your mother, my mother, Sam, dad, Alex- Dean, it took everything away from us.” “That’s exactly why I do that: so that no other families are ruined.” “Yes but Dean, what about you?” “What about it?” “When are you going to decide it’s your turn to be happy or - god forbids - my turn as well?” “So what, now I make you unhappy?” “Dean, don’t you see it? We are siblings! I cannot be happy if you are… like this.” She gestured at him. “When I got here one year ago, you had to wash me like a toddler. I thought I was going to die or that I would never go that low ever again. And look at me. I am still here, still crying at night, still hurting myself in any possible way and you throw beer bottles, you refuse to eat and we punch each other and-” She sniffed. “This is not you, and I know losing Sam hurts like hell, shit- I’m trying to be the older sibling here, okay? I am trying, but you-” Her body winced, unable to control a sob. Her thoughts were starting to not make sense anymore and out of her mouth only came half sentences. She put both hands on the table. “Dean, if you die I’ll probably follow right after.” She managed to say. “Nobody said anything about you hunting with me.” He said, confused. “I know.” Dean took a second to realize the implications of what she had just said and his gaze turned harder. “I won’t die.” “Yeah, right, I knew at least two other hunters who said the exact same thing and guess what, we had to burn both their bodies.” “Stop talking about Sam and dad!” “Why?! Not talking about them is not gonna bring them back!” “Emily!” “What?!” She walked on the other side of the table to face Dean. “Emily what? You want to punch me? Cool. Give Bobby more reasons to make me leave.” She pushed him. She swore to herself she was never going to start a fight again, but he looked so empty, so lifeless, the only thing left of the Dean she knew was his ability to make her angry with three words. “It comes down to a decision, Dean: you either choose to save what’s left of your own family, or you save someone else’s family.” She stared Dean down. “I didn’t ask for your opinion about this.” He pushed her back. “Right. And I didn’t ask about your opinion on me moving out.” “I should have guessed you would have jumped at the first real chance of getting rid of me.” “You know what?” She took a step back. “Why do I keep trying with you? You don't care about being siblings, you just want to fight. You are so frustrated you have to turn on those who are trying to help you, damn it. Just go pay a hooker or jerk off some teenagers, but don’t- don’t bring me into your alpha male shit ever again!” “I am not-” “SHUT UP!” She purposefully made a window explode to her left. “SHUT THE FUCK UP! I am busting my ass out to keep you fucking alive, and you have the nerve to tell I don’t care? I AM DONE! YOU WANT ME TO NOT CARE SO BAD? WELL, ENJOY!”

Emily spent the night going back with her memories to all the times Dean and her had fought. She still remembered their very first argument. She had just started hunting and she rolled her ankle tripping on something while running.

“All you have to do is watch where you are going! Is that so hard?!” “I was a little busy running from a fucking ghost!” “You should not have made the damn thing angry in the first place!”

Then, there was the time she tried to suggest she could go hunting by herself. That she didn’t need anybody’s help.

“So you think you're that good?” Said Dean, putting his beer down on the table. “Damn right I am!” She answered, cocky. John looked at them from the corner of the room. “Okay, prove it.” Dean walked in front of Emily, taking off his jacket. “Try to punch me.” “Dean.” Warned John. “Go easy on your sister.” “Don't worry dad, she'll be fine.”

Emily, arms still crossed, stared at her brother. He repeated: “Come on, tough guy, try to get me.” Ultimately, Emily took off her jacket as well and tried to strike Dean. He grabbed her arm mid air, shoved it down and forced her to turn back from him. In less than a second, she was pressed against the wall, her arms locked behind her. “I just killed you.” He said, letting go of her. She took the chance and without even turning, she elbowed him in the stomach: she did it hard enough so he would still feel it, but not enough so that he was actually hurt. In the split second of surprise, Emily quickly switched positions and soon, he was the one pressed against the wall, arms locked. “Dead.” She smiled. She was confident, but Dean was stronger. He set himself free way too easily for Emily's liking and he was about to find another way of fake-killing her, if it wasn't for John putting an end to that fight.

They also fought the night John had left. Emily was tired and needed to study in order to finish high school, so she suggested they take a break. A simple request like that became a fight that Emily was extremely glad John did never hear.

“Why don't we just take a week off? I imagine you are tired as well.” “Monsters don't take the week off, Emily.” Dean was patching himself up as they had just returned from a difficult shapeshifter hunt. He was nervous and on edge, Emily had just shot his copy without even checking if it was a copy or not. She said she had “an intuition”. “So you're telling me this hunt hasn't exhausted you as well?!” “It didn't.” “Oh, sorry, I forgot, your muscles don't need any rest.” She said, sarcastic. “They don't, because I have a purpose. That beats the need to rest and the desire to go to Disneyland.” “I never mentioned Disn- You know what?! One day this will be over and you will have nothing left.” “It will never be over.” “Right. Because no matter what you do, your mother won't be back. Mine either.”

That was the first time she saw Dean so angry at her she thought he might actually punch her.

At the time, they all looked like a big deal to Emily. If only she knew how much it would have escalated, she probably would have laughed it off. It all slowly went downwards from then. She thought about the first time Dean actually slapped her. She was screaming about how if she killed herself he would not care. She was still convinced of it. He never tried to prove her otherwise. Of course, there were the two days of peace that they had after Sam, but those only proved that if he wanted, he could be affectionate. Not that he cared about her. Then she thought about the first time Dean showed himself as sad, when she and Sam were infected. That was the moment she finally realized why he slapped her when she said she wanted to kill herself. All she wanted at that moment was for him to save himself. Then there was their final fight, which they only had because Bobby didn’t let them leave the room for hours. They didn't speak at each other for up to a whole hour, just staring in front of them. Then, one would say something and the fight would continue. “I am not your brother.” He had said. If it wasn't for that stupid deal she tried to make, she would have killed herself minutes after hearing that. That was probably the only time in her life when she really said what she was thinking to Dean. It also made her realize that while she was busy being hurt by Dean’s actions, he would get hurt by hers as well. For the first time she realized how she was not the only one trying her hardest. That was what finally made Emily snap out of her anger and what made her become the “mom.” version of herself. They deserved to have what they had been fighting for. They deserved each other. Even if it seemed to not have worked. Something she had not snapped out of was self harming. Without even thinking too much about it, her arms were already bleeding on the floor. What she craved about cutting herself was how good she had become at it. She knew just how much to cut so that she would fall into a blissful, peaceful state. She leaned against the door and on her lips appeared a hint of smiling. She loved that sensation way too much. She knew perfectly well that one day, she would go too far.

Bobby was back the following morning. Dean was still sleeping and she took advantage of that to just take her bag and leave. Although Bobby sent her towards the Roadhouse, she took it upon herself to never even go in the right direction. She drove twenty minutes outside of Sioux Falls and entered a motel. “I can’t go to the Roadhouse. I’ll figure it out.” Was her last text to Bobby before she fell asleep, still clothed, on her bed.

13 Books Tag Game

I saw @non-un-topo do this and wanted to talk about some of the books I've read/been reading 💗

1) The last book I read: Case File Compendium/BAB book 1 by Meatbun doesn't eat meat. It was very good, some heavy topics and I defiantly cried reading it, but I really liked the the main character and found him and the plot very interesting. Again it has it's dark moments as is typical of Meatbun's work and a few scenes I won't be able to forget anytime soon in both a negative and positive way.

2) A book I recommend: The Reluctant Consort by Suilan Lee. PLEASE I need more people to read this book it's a short two book series and it's SO good. Take a brilliant merchant who has built a loyal secretive network from the ground up who's life gets tangled up with a brilliant prince who's commander of armies and watch them both try to stay out of murder plots, betrayals, conspiracies, and keep their families alive. This book weaves magic into it's story lines so seamlessly you hardly notice it's happening. This is already long but also there is a secretive group called the shadow guard and I'm absolutely in love with the concept. Their entire life's mission is to keep their person safe and they are the definition of a loyal guard dog (way more complex in the book I promise)

3) A book that I couldn’t put down: The Raven Boys (the whole series let's be real) by Maggie Stiefvater. Magic, beautiful mix of serious and funny, charming characters, incredible plot. I read this book so fast I had to know where it was going.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more): The Girl from Everywhere by Heidi Heilig. Such a sweet story, I've read it twice and will 100% be reading it again someday. Time travel, ship life, heist, incredible concept. Nix you will always be famous to me.

5) A book on my TBR: Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. I'm sure I'll like it I just haven't gotten around too it yet but I'm excited for when I finally make time for it.

6) A book I’ve put down: A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin. I'll get back to it but I've gotten distracted by cultivation books right now.

7) A book on my wish list: Given by Kizu Natsuki. (technically a manga) I've read the whole thing and watched the anime I want to own it so bad. Beautiful story about losing someone close to you, one of the rawest and realest stories about grief I've read in a long time.

8) A favorite book from childhood: Toss up between Inkheart by Cornelia Funke and Eragon by Christopher Paolini. Both books captured my imagination and heart.

9) A book you would give to a friend: I'd need to know more about what they like before giving them a book.... maybe one of the Sherlock Holmes books because everyone should read some of those stories.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own I own an old hymn book

11) A nonfiction book you own: Ferrets by E. Lynn "Fox" Morton. I don't own much nonfiction but I was obsessed with ferrets as a kid and I still hope to own one someday.

12) What are you currently reading: The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun by Meat Bun Doesn't Eat Meat. It's a doozy, I'm actually answering this because I needed a break, well written, incredibly complex characters, very twisty plot, but wow is it dark do not read without looking up some of the trigger warnings, but it is really good.

13) What are you planning on reading next? Either Lord Seventh by Priest or The Imperial Uncle by Da Feng Gua Guo haven't decided which one yet.

If you see this consider yourself tagged 💕

Fresh Pressed: FCUKERS Release Party This is Fresh Pressed, in which photographer Matt Weinberger takes us inside some of the rawest moments happening in NYC and beyond. Fresh Pressed is all about encountering the juicy ideas, aesthetics and people shaping culture through the lens of the city's many creative scenes.FCUKERS Release Party @ Baby's All Right (3/31)FCUKERS just dropped their debut tracks, having put out two new songs, "Mothers" and "Devils Cut." FCUKERS is a three piece band consisting of Shannon Wise on vocals, Ben Scarf on Drums and Jackson Walker Lewis on the Bass and Keys (as well as production). The band recorded the singles at Jackson’s house, and then Ivan Berko mixed the songs at his apartment in Chinatown. They debuted their two now released songs plus a few other unreleased tracks in an absolutely electric live performance pumping up the whole room at Baby’s All Right. The heart-pounding beats of Ben’s Drums and mesmerizing, silvery voice of Shannon brought the crowd into a frenzy. Jackson, who is largely known throughout the downtown NYC scene as a talented DJ, general heart throb, and experienced party thrower, carried the bass line and tapped the keys with the ultimate amount of steez. Everyone seemed to be loving the whole experience. Some of the band's main influences include Fatboy Slim, early Daft Punk, French house, Todd Edwards, Madchester and 90s classic house music. FCUKERS seemed to pop out of nowhere but it seems like their momentum will keep on pumping. This is definitely a band whose journey is worth watching. Take a listen, but be careful, you may just fall in love.Neverland Digital’s Medusa’s Ball (3/25)NYC art/music house and creative agency Neverland Digital (Nora Luciano, Elsie Drew and Ester Shmulyian) hosted Medusa’s Ball at BAF Art Gallery, where guests and collaborators all came together to party like the gods. The event was thrown in honor of Medusa, with 10 visual artists tasked with creating and presenting work inspired by Medusa’s famous story. The group show featured a 30-foot glowing snake in the middle of the room, projection work, interactive pieces, photography and paintings, all created by local artists. They also presented live music, opening up with refreshing jazz by Wayne Tucker and Addison Frei, followed by Stew Jefe who rapped and hyped everyone up for Max Volante (producer, songwriter and instrumentalist) and his band. Max had some seriously great vibes and got the whole crowd feeling his soul as they swayed and danced around to the electric energy of his genre-bending performance.We Take Manhattan Party @ Old Flings (3/22)Organized by Allyson Camitta (aka Shallowhalo) and Charlie Baker, the We Take Manhattan party at Old Flings brought together some of the city’s most influential downtown scenesters for a night of shoulder-to -shoulder dancing and cramped but quality conversation. The event was the fourth party in the ongoing party series organized by Allyson and Charlie. The name of the party series is a reference to the Leonard Cohen song "First We Take Manhattan," which explores the idea that once one takes over Manhattan, one can take over the world. In addition to Shallowhalo and Charlie Baker DJing, Curtis Everett Pawley, aka The Life, took to the DJ booth and played a set to the delight of the audience. Shallowhalo is on tour at the moment — they just put out a new single, "Renaissance Affair," and have a single release show on April 5 at Elsewhere Zone One where Thoom and Birthday Girl will be performing and Angel Emoji will be DJing. I wouldn’t be surprised if the lyrics ring true: first they’ll take over Manhattan, then Berlin and, in no time, the world. The next We Take Manhattan party will be at The Cock on April 26.Stand Up NYC Drag Benefit @ 3 Dollar Bill (3/21)Aiding the fight against the anti-trans bills that have just been passed in Tennessee, NYC drag performer Julie J sold out the Brooklyn venue 3 Dollar Bill (in one day) for a night of community and drag. The cast included RuPaul's Drag Race current contestants and alums Marcia Marcia Marcia, Olivia Lux, Luxx Noir London and Jax as well as NYC staples Marti Gould Cummings, Rify Royalty, Janelle NO.5 and so many more fabulous talents. Elaborate costumes, riveting performances, mesmerizing hair and makeup and heart-pounding dance moves filled the night as the crowd came out to support Julie J and the wonderful cast of performers that came out to "drag out the vote." A key element of the event was to encourage everyone to register to vote so that they could have their voice heard via casting a ballot. The event felt like both a protest against anti-trans, anti-queer and homophobic legislation and a celebration of democracy. Political and community organizer Samy Nemir Olivares took the stage in between drag performances to give a speech explaining the importance of the event and why the community needs to get together and fight against harmful legislation. Proceeds from the event benefitted the ACLU of Tennessee, The Trans Formations Project and Black Trans LiberationBlack Trans Liberation. Baby's Presents SXSW NYC Beat (3/18)The NYC (and LA) music scene took over this little corner of Austin at the SXSW NYC Beat concert — presented by Baby's All Right — at popular downtown venue "The Cave and The Creek." The showcase featured two stages, both sporting incredible lineups of musicians. The indoor stage was curated by Sunflower Bean and featured sets by The Life, Strange Ranger, Thus Love, Malice K, Hello Mary, Model/Actriz and Sunflower Bean themselves. The energy inside was booming, with a mix of music industry professionals and seasoned concertgoers vibing out.Things got pretty wild in the later sets, and, by the end of the night, as Sunflower Bean took the stage, the crowd was stirring up into a bountiful mosh pit of bodies smashing into one another. The outdoor stage, curated by Perfectly Imperfect, featured sets by Eera, Mgna Crrrta, Club Eat, Damon Rush, Blaketheman1000, Snow Strippers, The Helpp and Isabella Lovestory. This side of the venue was more electronic-heavy and brought out a younger demographic of fans than those inside, with bubbly fans ripping cigarettes and jumping up and down as they popped to their favorite bops. Isabella Lovestory gave a particularly compelling performance to end the night, wrapping things up with a cherry bomb bang. The Helpp is no easy act to follow but Isabella managed to go beyond holding her own, delivering what felt like the perfect storybook ending to a night filled with great performers.Austin Rave by 1222 BY-PRODUCT With Snow Strippers, Club Eat, Eera (3/17)The Snow Strippers may be the next big thing. The band is a duo made up of members Tatiana Schwaninger and Graham Perez. They met in Florida back in 2018 and began making music together around the end of 2021. The duo produces an electronic, icy eargasm sound, making music that makes you want to dance. This is the kind of stuff that will make you bang your head with no shame as you ride a crowded L train to work. Graham had been producing music for a number of years, while Tati had no previous experience making music before they teamed up. Despite her lack of prior experience, she has the voice of a thousand snow angels. Their live set was a fun departure from the more refined sound you might hear when streaming their music online. In concert, Tati jumped around the stage, glitching into multiple dimensions of hype and glory, pulling the whole audience into dark recesses of happiness and fun. Alongside the Snow Strippers, Club Eat and Eera also took the stage and gave solid performances, providing the concertgoers with additional icy cold, refreshing beats to enjoy.You Missed It's Backyard Bash (3/17)The Kerwin Brothers have struck again, succeeding in throwing an absolutely epic party, co-organized with the Mauri sisters, Cristina and Andrea. With backyard tattoos, unlimited booze, oil wresting, free cigarettes, and a lineup that included High, The Dallas Cowboys, May Rio, Blaketheman1000, Nite Fire, Tagabow, Hotline TNT and The Frost Children, everything was in place for an incredible night to ensue. And ensue it did. Smashing beers and taking flash pics, the crowd of mostly local college students and NY/LA weekend visitors partied harder than a school of fish during summer vacation. In NYC, it's very rare to ever get to party in a backyard, so all of the NY locals had the time of their lives. Green grass turned to mud as the crowd jumped around to the electric sets by the many talented musical acts. The Dallas Cowboys stood out for their ability to get the crowd moving, and once the crowd was going, the energy didn’t stop for the rest of the night. They say everything is bigger in Texas and that rang true for the crowd's energy. Legendary nightlife photographer Mark Hunter, aka The Cobrasnake, claimed that it was potentially in the top 10 parties he had ever been to. Yeehaw and God bless Texas!Simone Films Oscars Watch Party @ Nine Orchard (3/12)Simone Films, founded by filmmakers Rebekah Sherman-Myntti and KJ Rothweiler, is a New York-based independent entertainment company doing things unlike any other production company in NYC right now. It's known within the downtown scene as a pillar in shaping a certain subset of the creative community. The company has achieved some degree of a cult following via its exciting events and through curating other scene-centered activities such as hosting a popular actors' studio for up-and-coming talent with teachers such as Michael Imperioli, Alex Ross Perry, Dolly Wells and Peter Vack. On this particular occasion, Simone Films threw a banger of a party, with drinks flowing, an abundance of popcorn and a bumping vinyl DJ set by Billy Jones, the owner of the popular music venue Baby’s All Right. The Oscars watch party was attended by actors, directors, musicians, podcasters, art shmos, indie sleaze queens, cinephiles and a slew of other creatures of the downtown scene. Some notable attendees included Bart Cortright, Makunda Angulo, Eugene Kotlyarenko, Lotfy Nathan and Marcelo Gaia. The owner of Nine Orchard, Andy Rifkin, also pulled up to the event. One thing is clear: Simone Films knows how to bring together a large group of exciting people. It wouldn’t be a surprise if a number of the attendees are at the Oscars in a few years, rather than watching it on TV.The Twink Next Door's Party Backstage @ Dallas BBQ (3/11)Texas-sized piña coladas, glitter and faux fur were all the rage behind the scenes at The Twink Next Door’s debut NYC runway show, unveiling his new collection as a tease of what’s to come as he plans on dropping his new clothing line, TWINK, this Friday. Inspired by icons like Julia Fox, Lady Gaga and Cruella DeVille, The Twink Next Door is bringing maximalist experimental fashion to the downtown NYC scene in stride. Throwing a fun, quirky, DIY aesthetic into the Wild West that is Dallas BBQ made for an undoubtedly memorable (albeit mildly chaotic), ultimately fabulous experience. The collection ate, and so did lots of the attendees. As far as I can tell, this BBQ stood for big, bold and queenly. Those fits were royally delicious. You Missed It Party @ Baby's All Right (3/4) https://www.papermag.com/fresh-pressed-fcukers-release-party-2659589146.html

I'm still gonna say that Mr. Grizz telling you that he gonna break you is the rawest fucking line in the whole splatoon series that line went hard )

Data Sora for the ask and if you want, also Data-Riku?

I HAVNT PLAYED RECODED YET SO I DONT RLLY KNOW EITHER OF THEM TOO WELL BUT ILL TRY TO ANSWER AS BEST I CAN (theyre such lil guys!!!!!)

favorite thing about them: literally from what ive seen is that data-sora literally gives no fucks and Will spout the rawest lines in the entire series and i Adore that about him, hes just got No idea whats goin on and its a mood. and data-riku... i hear hes literally riku if riku kind got his shit together a lil more and i love that for him!!!! he deserves it <3

least favorite thing about them: idk hes just a lil guy, theyre all just lil guys

favorite line: again idk :( ill come back to u on that one

brOTP: forever the trinity trio, no matter what game, theyre just the guysss

OTP: !!! data sorikuuuuu

nOTP: idk enough about the interactions in the game to have a notp but i imagine the Usual ones can carry over

random headcanon: i like th idea of data sora showing up in later games as a gummiphone assistant, i think thatd b rlly funny

unpopular opinion: i dont kno enough to have any good opinions soz!!!!

song i associate with them: idkkkk... i feel like this whole answer is a lil disappointing!!!! :(

favorite picture of them: HE SJUSTR A LIL GUYYYYYYYY!! ! ! ! ! ! !

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑𝐒

                                              (  ~ Sero Hanta x Black Female                                                                   Reader Insert ~ )

GENRE: Smut and Fluffy Fluff!                                                                  

FANDOM: Boku No Hero Academia (My Hero Academia)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: There are only mild warnings for today; mentions of cannabis, Dubcon on the account that Sero is high, and slight dacryphilia.

SUMMARY: Sero gets jarred by a nightmare, so he smokes and watches over Reader-Chan until she wakes up. They talk a little and she soothes him back to sleep. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Hey there! This fic is part of my 100 followers event that I’m hosting in light of recently reaching, well, 100 followers.. I WOULD LIKE TO NOTE THAT READING THESE FICS WILL BE SOOOO MUCH BETTER IF YOU READ THEN WHILE PLAYING THE SONG!! I PROMISE, IT’S A WHOLE VIBE!! If you’d like to request a scenario, a song and/or a character, I’m MORE than welcome and open to do that! My ask box is open!  Thank you so so much for your support!

WORD COUNT: 3385

(Headers are mine, but the art inside of them are not! Please don’t steal or repost without credit!)

           “You’re not getting away this time,” was an ugly, disgusting voice that resonated in Sero’s head that, after a long series of nightmares, had him shooting up, panting softly with sweat sheening his muscular body, his arms hugging his legs to his body. It was 4:15 in the morning and he had to be up in a couple of hours, but he still couldn’t go back to sleep. He figured he’d take a day off and try to catch up on sleep that he’d been missing. He looked over at you who was sleeping peacefully in the bed. He admired everything about you for a long while, his hand caressing your face gently as his heart slowed to a healthy rate. He kissed your fawn cheek gently before he slid out of bed. Your soft breaths resonated in his mind and he smiled a little as he saw you take a deep breath and cuddle into a pillow.

“Te quiero, cariño. Duerme bien por mí, ya vuelvo. [I love you honey. Sleep well for me, I’ll be right back.]” He mumbled to you softly before he walked to your kitchen silently, adjusting his joggers a little as he ran his fingers through his hair making his bang run unruly as he leaned over the counter. As soon as he leaned forward in the dark, his head in his hands, he’d broken down. He’d been having nightmares from a previous intense mission for about a week, and this just happened to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Soon he was a mess of tears, his palms collecting every drop as he cried into the darkness of the kitchen. His knees were weak, his body burned with want to be a “useful” hero like Bakugo or Kirishima. He’d started to slip into a fit of insecurity while you slept in innocence in the room, the comforters like waves crashing over you and hugging your body. He let out a soft shaky sigh before feeling his way around the counter to find the coffee pot. He figured he’d be awake anyways, why not make some coffee for after his smoke. He gently spooned the coffee grounds into the filter, filled the pot with water and let the coffee brew as he sighed softly. He leaned against the counter again, grunting softly before looking over at a small box he kept on the counter. He grabbed the small container and a box right beside it. He stole a lighter from beside the set and he slid it in his pocket as he rolled himself a late night/early morning blunt. It’d been awhile since he smoked, but whenever he did, it always managed to make him feel more confident in himself, made him relax, and it made him overall just more laid back. That’s why he waited for that moment when he finally broke down to smoke, and he always waited until you were asleep so you didn’t have to deal with him as his insecurities told him you would. He walked to the small pocket in your room and the living room that contained a big beautiful bay window in which the two of you often cuddled.

From the window, you had a pretty secular view of the city and city lights and the sunrises and sunsets were absolutely otherworldly. He took his place, opening the window up while looking at the late night stragglers scurry along the pavement. He licked the strip that he had left out and smoothed it against the rest of the blunt, sticking one of the ends in his mouth, taking his lighter and holding it up to the tip but resting his head against the wall/ sill instead, taking the blunt from his mouth with two fingers and a heavy sigh.   “¿Qué estoy haciendo? [What am I doing?]” He mumbled to himself with a soft sigh before shaking his head and resting one of his elbows on his knee that was raised, his fingers tangling with his hair again. “A la mierda. [Fuck it]” he mumbled out to himself as he watched himself light the blunt with squinted, teary eyes. He took a long drag out of it and ghosted the smoke holding it in as he felt his brain get a little more hazy. He stared over at you laying on the bed as he forced his high. He flashed a soft smile before starting to cough quietly. When he exhaled, there was hardly any smoke left and he even looked surprised at himself. He admired the smoldering bud in between two of his fingers before he took another drag and hummed softly, leaning his head back against the wall again as he looked outside of the window, the sky slowly turning brighter shades of purple and blue. He knew it was getting later, but for once he didn’t care. He just watched you sleep, smiling subtly with a slight reddish tint under his eyes. “Mi hermosa niña... ¿Cómo he tenido tanta suerte? [My beautiful girl… How did I get so lucky?]” he whispered to himself as he took yet another drag from his blunt, holding it in until he got lightheaded and he blew the smoke out of the window.

“Dos ángeles perdidos descubren la salvación… [Two lost angels discover salvation..]” he mumbled quietly from a song he’d remembered you playing but he couldn’t quite pinpoint from where. He was too far gone at this point, but he noticed that that one line held weight to him even though he loved the whole song. He loved the songs you played possibly because you were the one who played them and when you sang them, you matched no other; because ‘music is the purest and rawest form of affection’ he always said. You started to hum softly in your sleep, stirring under how bright the moon was before the sun came up. You sighed softly and let your eyes flutter as you watched Sero smoking in the window, his slender fingers playing in the smoke clouds that he exhaled, that happy grin on his face, his squinted eyes as he got lost in himself and his thoughts of you. You couldn’t help but to notice how the moon and soft light of the fast approaching day illuminated his skin and this made you smile as you stretched in the bed still half asleep.

“Ah, see,” you giggled softly. “I knew I smelled somethin,’” you giggled as you watched him slowly turn his head towards you. “You had another nightmare or somethin’,” you asked as you continued to lay down and cuddle your pillow. He didn’t say anything, he just nodded and sighed softly. “Aw baby,” you say softly as you sit up and stretch again, yawning and rubbing your eyes a little. “Why didn’t you just wake me up,” you ask softly as you threw your legs over the side of the bed, adjusting the shirt that hung off of your body as you made your way over to Sero on the seat of the window.

“Lo siento, [I’m sorry,]” he mumbled softly as he blew smoke out of the window. “I didn’t want to disturb you because I know you have a shift today,” he whispered softly. “I just wanted to watch you sleep,” he said quietly as he let his arm reach in front of him, the blunt half smoked in between his fingers, his elbow resting on his knee gently. You made your way over to him and gently hugged him from the side, gently pulling his head against your chest.

“You know you mad cute when you get like this right?” You giggled softly as you ran your fingers through his smooth hair. He blushed a little and hugged your waist from the side, closing his eyes and completely relaxing into you.

“Honestly, no, cariño, that’s all you,” he said softly as he felt himself get emotional again. “Can you sing me that one song… Where he says.. Something about, ‘two lost angels discover salvation,’ sometime,” he asked and your mind instantly woke up. You smiled a little at the scent of brewing coffee sneaking into your room.

“That song by Miguel? Coffee?” You chuckle softly and sway slowly as you hum softly, always open to sing to your love even if it was entirely too early and you were low-key getting a second hand high from him.

“ I wish I could paint our love… These moments and vibrant hues… Love play, turns in to gun play, And gun play turns into pillow talk… And pillow talk turns into sweet dreams… Sweet dreams turns into fucking in the morning… Fucking in the morning…” you hummed softly to him as you felt his free hand hug your arm. He was getting glassy-eyed again loving how you felt against him so early, singing to him so sweetly as you tenderly held him.

“Sí mi amor, [Yes my love,]” he whispered softly as you sung to him, his head tilting back as his eyes closed. “That’s the one…”

As you usually did, you started skipping parts in the song to ones that you liked more. He hummed softly with you and he nuzzled his head into your chest as he took another drag from his blunt and listened to you. “Old souls, we found a new religion… Now I’m swimmin’ in that sin, that’s baptism... Pick a star in the sky we could both say goodbye… Old souls we found a new religion, now I’m swimmin’ in that sin, that’s baptism…” You looked down at him and his almost ashed blunt and you laughed softly as you saw how adorning his gaze was and he hummed with you softly.

“Two lost angels discover salvation.. Under bright peach skies watching the sun rise…”

“Dos ángeles perdidos descubren la salvación.. Bajo brillantes cielos de melocotón viendo salir el sol…” He mumbled softly with you before putting his blunt out and standing up, his hand resting at your waist before running up his shirt that you were wearing. He kissed you gently and slowly, gently running his tongue, which to him felt like cotton, over your bottom lip before sliding it into your mouth. He bit your bottom lip and fell into a slow rhythm, gently and slowly leading you to the bed, pushing you down as soft growls left him and he ran both of his hands up your body, gripping your chest, kneading into your breasts slowly and gently as you started to grind into him slowly and subtly, both of you halfway asleep, and Sero now sensitive because of how stoned he was. He bit your lip again and tugged with his teeth, gently and slowly pulling away, kissing down your neck as your hands guided his strong hips to grind into yours. His eyes looked a little fogged over and distant from what you could see, but in all honesty, you didn’t care. You’d had a bad dream and feeling him against you was exactly what you needed; having him love you down while you quietly showed him how to take care of you while slowly improving both of your moods. The soft, crisp breeze pushed through your room through the opened window and it cooled you down as you felt Sero’s teeth against your neck. You whined softly and ran your fingers through his hair slowly, messing his hair up as his strong hands continued to knead into your chest, his eyes closing as he let out soft hums against your skin. It got to the point where you started to hurt with how rough he was being so you gently caressed the side of his head and pointed him onto how to change and help you right. “A-Ah babe, that’s just a lil too hard,” you whispered softly as you felt him lift the shirt and you shivered at the sudden cold air over your body as his hands eased up on the squeezing and pulling.

“Lo siento, mi amor, [I’m sorry my love,]” he said softly as he pressed his lips against yours, his eyes running over your nipples before he hugged you close to him and slowly and gently sucked on one, his tongue swirling slowly and gently around the bud making your back arch into him, your fingers getting lost in his hair as you let out sleepy moans, that song running on loop in your mind as he tended to you. You gently ran your fingers over his chest and under his shirt to tease his nipples while he cared for yours. He let out soft shuddering breaths against your skin as you pushed your hips into a slow grind into his. “O-Oh fuck,” he whined softly as he nipped your neck again, practically losing himself as he slowly slid one hand in your panties, one finger effortlessly pushing into your dripping cunnie making you push into Sero some more, your eyes looking gone too. You looked up at him and pulled his head closer as you arched your back into him.

“Please,” you mumbled to him softly. “Please give me another finger,” you slurred out as you clung to him and started to ride his finger. He couldn’t do anything but oblige, his fingers curling sweetly into your sweet special spot as he added another, his hand slowly thrusting them in and out sloppily as his body tingled with his high. “T-Thank you! O-Oh f-fuck thank you,” you whined out quietly, slowly maintaining a slow rhythm so you didn’t overwhelm him but you still got your pleasure. One of your hands clung to Sero, gently peppering soft kisses over his lips, your teeth catching his lip occasionally, the other hand slowly stroking him through his joggers. He trembled and let his legs give out as he leaned into you, gently kissing you back, soft hums and groans brewing in his chest as he rocked himself against your hand. He couldn’t help his shuddering breath against your soft shapely lips in between every kiss and nibble you dealt. The way his muscles flexed with every movement as he tried not to cum had you dreamy eyed and wanting more. “S-Sero p-please, You whined softly as you tried to close your thighs, the way his fingers pressing against your special spot having your back arched and breathing hitched and stuck in your throat. “P-Please… I-I want you,” you whined out softly, wanting so badly to cum while he had you impaled on his cock. He looked down and then back up at you, his eyes halfway closed and bloodshot. He stopped grinding into your hand slowly and let out a choked whine against your lips, his hands worshipping your beautiful body. “Can I… G-Go inside,” he asked softly, gently kissing your cheeks, your lips, and down your neck as he waited for your answer.  Even while he was in his intense high, he was still just as respectful as ever; even as his muscular body hung over your seemingly delicate frame that he loved so much, even panting and gasping for air as he tried not to cum. You, of course, nodded and gently kissed his forehead gently.

“Yes, Sero,” you said softly as you spread your legs for him more. “P-Please… I want to feel you inside of me,” you said softly and sleepily. “Fuck me back to sleep,” you said softly before watching his eyebrows knit a little. He pushed his boxers and sweats down, slowly and gently trying to line himself up so he didn’t hurt you when he slid inside, sucking his fingers clean as he hummed softly. “Mi amor,” he whispered softly. “I’m not ‘fucking’ you,” he said as he let out a pleasured groan, slowly sliding the tip inside, arching his back and throwing his head back as he suddenly felt the intense pleasure, wanting more, but wanting to go slow. “I’m making lo-love to y-you,” he whispered, soft curses spilling out of him as he slowly slid himself in, inch by inch, his body becoming even more tense as he slowly bottomed out inside of you. “S-So t-tight,” he whimpered softly, his pelvis catching your clit when he did bottom out inside of you, his eyes glistening with tears of overstimulation already but you didn’t mind. The way he filled you up, a small bulge forming in your tummy as he tried to adjust, you clenching down around him driving him crazy. His lips quivered as he stared at you, his mind running circles, his heart pounding against his chest enough to shake his core, frantically swallowing as he choked back his own orgasm. “I-I c-can’t move,” he whispered softly sounding like he was going to break down into tears. “I c-can’t… B-Baby!” He whined loudly as he slowly grinded his hips into yours, tilting his head back as he lost control of his tears letting them dampen his reddened, hot face. He looked down at you and watched the moonlight catch your body, not being able to rip his gaze away from you, watching how your face beautifully contorted as you grabbed at him in a desperate attempt to get closer to him, moaning out soft curses after moaning out his name, how you pressed your body into the bed. He didn’t know that he had this hold on you with such slow and subtle movements, but it was obvious he was driving you insane and he loved it all. He took in the sight in front of him, falling in love all over again as he towered over you and rolled his hips into yours slowly and rhythmically. “I-I’m so-sorry! L-Lo siento! I-I’m g-gonna c-cum,” he whined out after a fit of choked moans. “Te quiero... Te quiero tanto, cariño- [I love you, I love you so much, baby-]” he whined out, his breath hitching at the end of his sentence, his hips fucking into yours dealing hard thrusts as he tried to milk himself using the grip you had on him as leverage. “F-FUCK! C-CUMMING! I-I’m c-cumming!” He moaned out as he completely broke down into overstimulated tears. You whimpered loudly and egged him on, your legs wrapping around his waist so he could reach deeper inside of you, your eyes glazed over as you looked up at him sleepily, feeling him tremble against you with soft groans.

“Y-Yes,” you moaned out meekly, drowning happily in all of Sero’s sounds. “T-Thank you! F-Fuck! Thank you thank you thank-“ Your breathing hitched as you were filled up, your eyes rolling back into your head as you came and clenched hard around him. “F-Fuck! S-SERO,” you screamed out, scratching into him roughly as you bucked your hips riding out your high against him, tears of your own threatening to spill from your waterline. His body was twitching and trembling as he whimpered softly at your throbbing insides tightening around him over and over again. “You d-did so good for me baby,” you whimpered softly, guiding him down to your level, gently positioning him so he could lay on your chest. He was a sniffling mess, stray tears falling down his face, his eyes glistening as he looked up at you while you played in his hair and rubbed his back still cockwarming him. “My beautiful boy,” you whispered softly, gently kissing his forehead, slowly drying his cheeks of his tears as he tried to get his breathing under control. He tried to speak, but his jaw felt as heavy as a cinderblock, he could only sputter out soft mumbles as you continued to coo at him and massage his back and neck. “Go to sleep, baby. I’ll call in later,” you whisper softly, gently kissing the top of his head, humming to him softly to lull him- successfully- to sleep as the purple-ish hues of the early morning melted into soft peaches and dim golds blanketing the both of you. You hummed softly and managed to hum yourself to sleep, just moving your hips a little to get him deeper inside of you as you slept. You loved the feeling of him filling you up, the scent of the brewed coffee now completely in your room making you slip off deeper into sleep.

i binge read

the finale, episode 15 - the tower of nero

!!!SPOILER ALERT FOR THE TOWER OF NERO!!! this post under the cut will be completely riddled with spoilers, as it is a personal account of my views on the book as a whole. 

it will be spoiled!!

(obviously.)

I’m almost too heartsick to write this omg. It’s been such a long, heartwarming journey, and it came to such an electrifying ending.

I’m quite proud of Apollo. I knew I was going to be, but the way he realized it, the way he realized everything... how Nero’s abuse mirrored Zeus’ and affected him just the same, how much of an asshole he’d been because of it. He made the conscious choice to change, and he decided he could love. He was capable of true love, he was capable of moving forward and being better. And he was. I was just,,, I was so proud of him. Seeing him mature was a really eye-opening experience, especially in this book, when he talked so much about the small complexities of Nero’s abuse, how every move was calculated and how it affected Meg. We’d seen wisps of discussions of abuse before, mostly in the lightning thief (smelly gabe) but we’ve never before gone into the complexities of emotional abuse. The way it was described was fantastically clear, in a way that undoubtedly painted Nero as the true villain, but also gave us the chance to see him try and convince his children that he was good. Apollo breaking down his every move was good for the audience to distinguish the meaning behind his words. Fantastically portrayed. The way it helped him realize his own abuse, too, was good.

And Meg. My sweet darling Meg. What an absolute baddie, I swear. She made the same decision - she went back to Nero to fight him, to test her own strength and power of will. Her decision to drop her rings and refuse to dual wield anymore was strange to me at the very beginning, but I understood it later. It was her refusing to use the weapons he forced her to use, to even defend herself against him. It was her turning her back on the methods he’d armed her with and deciding to take her own path. “The Beast is dead” is the rawest f-ing line in this entire novel, the Beast representing Nero’s psychological abuse. “I killed him” - she liberated herself by believing she was better. I’m so insanely proud of that girl, too. She’s come a long way as well.

Okay. After that analysis, let me just say:

THE GAYS WON.

I spent this entire book terrified that Will Solace was doomed. There was a line in the prophecy about the terrible ending of ‘Apollo’s flesh and blood’, and I figured that meant his offspring - his son, rather than his human form. I kept muttering to myself ‘Will’s gonna die Will’s gonna die and it’s gonna BREAK Nico’. I was just so worried. I didn’t think anyone, even William Andrew Solace, could survive Rick Riordan’s patented Blond Boy Curse.

But he was fine in the end! As fine as you can be. Solangelo boyfriends lived to fight another day. And their development as a couple was also quite nice. I loved their dynamic. We only saw a little of it in the hidden oracle. Though it was great there too, we were able to go more in depth and explore how they truly function. Nico’s dry sense of humor combined with his whole lord-of-the-darkness aesthetic x Will’s genuine compassion and joking nature combined with his glow-in-the-dark-ness was fantastic to see.

Speaking of Solangelo - they not only got stronger as a couple, but as individual people as well. To be completely honest, we really haven’t seen much in the way of Will Solace. He healed, he was nice, yeah, sure, but what about him? What was his personality like outside from other people? In this book we find out. He’s kind, compassionate, easily flustered, overly protective. He craves parental approval, hence him repeatedly referring to Apollo as ‘dad’ and being so watchful over him. He gets embarrassed when asked to glow on command and upset when people mistake him for a lamp. He’s impulsive and a little hypocritical - he follows his instincts (being led off into the tunnels by a random voice) but gets very worried when Nico pulls the same thing. He’s a fantastic character, and his contrasts to Nico and the rest of the ton crew were great.

Nico - he seriously was the hero of this book. Or at least the secondary hero. He saved them all so many times over - he took everyone through shadow travel away from the bulls, he met the troglodytes, saw an opportunity, prepared an offering to said troglodytes because he saw an opportunity, became an underground ambassador, later saved Apollo’s life again by turning a germanus into a skeleton. He led this quest, and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. And that one paragraph about him enduring all this shit?? MASTERFUL. He’s had such a boatload of trauma and still he stands. One of my very favorite consistent Nico traits is this: no matter where he is or what he’s doing or how he feels, he ALWAYS takes the chance to talk with those who feel alone, because he knows what it’s like to be truly fighting one’s battles alone and he’d never wish that on anyone. It’s consistent, too: him being the only one to talk to Hestia at the hearth in Camp Half Blood, him talking to and befriending Bob the Titan, him talking to the troglodytes. And I have really gotten to see his progression firsthand, sped up - I read the Titan’s Curse in my binge read series maybe two weeks ago, back when he was this hyperactive ten-year-old with a Mythomagic obsession and now he’s this prince of darkness saving people with an adorable glowstick boyfriend and man. I love this kid. If he wasn’t my favorite character in this universe, he is now.

Also, even though with this book Rick has closed the gateway to this world (sad), the end alluded to a possible journey through Tartarus again to look for what’s been calling him, but this time he’ll have Will. Rachel Dare even whispered a prophecy at the end, probably pointing to it (but we’ll never know for sure). Will and Nico through the depths of Tartarus - now that’s a series I’d want to read for sure. It’s really too bad we’ll never get to see it in canon. Sigh.

SPEAKING OF CANON.

Another way the gays have won: Piper Mclean.

She has a canon girlfriend!! We really struck gold. I figured she was aro//ace when reading the Burning Maze - her whole monologue about being forced into love - but it turns out she’s just wlw!! I love this, I love this. We seriously won with this book.

Other noteworthy thoughts I had while reading below:

- The scene with Apollo defeating Python and hanging on the edge of Chaos was great. Especially when the goddess Styx came out. I was wondering how all of his broken oaths would serve him and come back to haunt him. It was quite well portrayed. A serious rip to the Arrow of Dodona though. I always loved it,,, a lot. It made me laugh and sometimes grind my teeth in frustration, but it was always a nice presence.

- Apollo’s return to Olympus was better than anything I ever could have hoped for. I was really hoping that returning would give him a new insight, not just of being mortal, but of Zeus as well. And it did. It did! I’ve said it before but I am quite proud of him. His new perspective on the Olympians was refreshing. You can really see the change in narrative if you go back to the Hidden Oracle.

- It is always always always nice to see Sally Jackson. Woman of many talents, including novel writing, blue chocolate chip cookies, and excellent seven-layer dip. She was my favorite character at the beginning of this binge-reading frenzy (as stated in the first post). Now she is still very up there. Definitely top 5.

- Why does Estelle have Percy’s green eyes?? I thought Percy had his father’s eyes????

- Grover knew about Jason dying. If Grover was on the cross-country field trip with Percy and Annabeth, and they didn’t realize Jason was dead until they got to New Rome, then was he just sitting on Jason’s death this whole time??? Rip to Grover, he must have been seriously traumatized for THAT to have happened.

- The last two chapters were basically just Apollo making his rounds and wrapping everything up, so Percabeth isn’t just in a perpetual cross-country ride and Piper doesn’t live out her life forever in a grief-stricken taxi. I’m glad those chapters were there, though. Nice to see everybody again in their element.

Okay but you don’t understand the fear in my heart. I seriously thought Will Solace was a goner. I cried out of relief because he DIDN’T die. It just makes me love the two of them all the more.

This post has been way too long already, but I gotta add an obligatory outro - I read these books once as a little kid, and the past two weeks has been amazing getting back into them. It’s been magical and wonderful, falling in love with these characters, and I’m so sad to leave it.

Peckham Classical

Found another old (2013) piece for a Vice offshoot that no longer exists, so re-upping again. I was a little bit try hard with the Vice language here, but it’s OK otherwise... 

OK, let's name the elephant in the room and get it out the way. Peckham – The New Dalston™, the hippest place on the planet right now etc etc etc – is the gentrification frontline, and that can be uncomfortable. We've already seen it in the squirming language of things like broadsheet property pages (“darkest Peckham” FFS), and restaurant reviews (dogwhistle use of the word “crack”? Jesus, please!). And it's there right all up in our faces when we head to the first Friday night of the two-weekend London Contemporary Music Festival, in the clusters of nervous classical music lovers on Rye Lane clutching their bags closer as they look for the hidden away venue, and in the packs of absolute Fucking Ledges and their Sloaney girlfriends on safari from Clapham to Frank's Bar, coked off their nut, dressed like LMFAO and braying extra loudly and giving each other the finger to compensate for their own on-edgeness while the locals either look on in slightly tetchy bemusement or just studiously ignore them all.

And the gig... well the gig – a set of recitals of Ennio Morricone scores – is a powerful archetype from the off. There's a grand piano, a load of other classical instruments and a load of expensive PA kit set up in the middle of a multi-story carpark floor that I know only from voyeuristically browsing phone-shot road rap videos on YouTube, and milling around are probably the highest concentration of entirely caucasian people for half a mile in each direction. The first piece, a circle of violinists sending skittering abstractions bouncing between one another, is punctuated by the 20:33 to Selhurst pulling into Peckham Rye station next door and people shouting in the street below, while on the other side the sunset is dousing the Allsop-designed Peckham Library and behind it the glass cathedrals of The City in a bright pink sci-fi sheen. It's absolutely fucking glorious.

That's the thing: this rarefied music is glorious, and performed in a concrete shell beset by the sounds and sights of South London coming in from all sides, it's glorious to the power brilliant. Even the bit on the Morricone night when a pianist clatters on pseudo-randomly for what seems like an hour, reaching inside the beast to pluck the strings, hammering the keyboard with his elbows etc etc – a performance which my friends assess simply as “long” – is glorious in this context. There's none of the “shush”-ing tedium of the concert hall, you can wander off to look at the view or grab a drink whenever you feel like it, the entirety of the place is part of the performance, it feels alive and new. When a line of trumpeters start muting their instruments with water-bottles, making swannee whistle type noises and clattering their valves percussively, as the night closes in around the building and car subwoofers add to the ambience, it's impossible not to love the majestic, foolish, Bohemian wonder of it all.

The next night, the ambience is all different. As if there were some celestial lighting director in the employ of the LCMF, the backdrop for the performance of veteran No Wave noisenik Glenn Branca is towering thunderclouds, with hot wind whipping in through the sides of the carpark. We're made to wait behind a rope as soundchecks are repeated in a series of rumbles and clatters. The audience is a little more rough and ready this time, a few more obvious freaks in attendence, but it's all relative; we are all still pale and geeky by any standards. When Branca and his circle of guitarists start up, it is electric. To my shame, I've heard little of his work before this, but having grown up on My Bloody Valentine and then Mogwai, to hear the sounds he makes up is like discovering the motherlode. Huge forked lightning flashes across the skyline, while the racket builds up and up – sometimes smashing into free jazz / Beefheart rhythmic derangement, generally chugging along on a motorik drum framework. If I believed in that sort of thing, I'd say it was transcendent, but there's certainly no question it's mind-altering – as the volume increases it's the rawest kind of hypnotism.

Then suddenly the spell's broken, by a tirade of swearing from Branca at the soundman – which said soundman has turned into a little bit of sound art here: https://soundcloud.com/erik-nystrom/sitting-in-a-car-park-with-a Branca storms off, the night is over and again, it was glorious. I sneak backstage to see if I can break through his fury, and find a grizzled old drunk guy (the band were constantly handing round what looked like quadruple measures of neat whisky through the performance) chainsmoking filterless fags and fuming about how this was the worst venue and show he had ever experienced in his life. I sit and sympathise for a while, suggesting that surely back in the punk / no wave days of New York's downtown desolation he must have seen more disorganisation, but he insists that no, he has ever witnessed such a mixture of pure evil and incompetence. Then an equally hobo-ish looking Charlemagne Palestine (who'll be performing his piano-drone pieces the next day) materialises, is beatifically sweet to everyone, and Branca calms down, admitting that the show was good, he's just furious that the climax – which was the whole point – was “destroyed”. I ask if these guys like playing this kind of venue, if it reminds them of the boho days of the 70s and 80s. Branca “couldn't give a damn”, by Palestine laughs lightly. “Ahh,” he says, “we artists always come into these parts of town, we change them, then the architects and lawyers come and get rich from them... but not us... never us!”

The next day is a perfect comedown from the delirium of the Branca show; a day of drone music, which I attend with my 3-year-old. We sit on a crate eating Jamaican patties and drinking fruit punch and listen to Jem Finer playing a Stooges album at 1rpm so it's reduced to waves of dinosaur growling, and once again it's so perfectly ridiculous in its cultural inappropriateness that it's impossible to take the context seriously and all we can do is just enjoy the monstrous sounds and rough beauty of the place. The end of the day's session is an acoustic ensemble performance of Brian Eno's 'Music For Airports', and once again with evening sun lighting up London on either side of us, it all just feels too blissful for words. While there are layers upon layers of anxieties to unpick and jokes to be made about cultural encroachment – as well as the radically contrasting thrill of being smack bang in the middle of one of the interface points of a living, evolving city to enjoy – on the most immediate level, as an artistic, aesthetic achievement, the LCMF was simply stunning to the senses. As we leave I spot an angrily scrawled, probably deliberately misspelled, graffito on one of the car ramps with an arrow pointing up in the direction the concert venue and Frank's Bar saying “TRIUMPH OF BOURGOUSIE”, helpfully adding “(UPSTAIRS)” in case we didn't get it. It isn't that – things are far more complicated than that as you trace the movement of art across a city – but it certainly does have a discreet charm.

A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir

Summary:  Elias and Laia are running for their lives. After the events of the Fourth Trial, Martial soldiers hunt the two fugitives as they flee the city of Serra and undertake a perilous journey through the heart of the Empire.

Laia is determined to break into Kauf—the Empire’s most secure and dangerous prison—to save her brother, who is the key to the Scholars’ survival. And Elias is determined to help Laia succeed, even if it means giving up his last chance at freedom.

But dark forces, human and otherworldly, work against Laia and Elias. The pair must fight every step of the way to outsmart their enemies: the bloodthirsty Emperor Marcus, the merciless Commandant, the sadistic Warden of Kauf, and, most heartbreaking of all, Helene—Elias’s former friend and the Empire’s newest Blood Shrike.

Bound to Marcus’s will, Helene faces a torturous mission of her own—one that might destroy her: find the traitor Elias Veturius and the Scholar slave who helped him escape…and kill them both. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️  

Overall: Sabaa Tahir manages to avoid the second book curse with A Torch Against the Night, she picks up where she left off in An Ember in the Ashes (our review). Laia and Elias have escaped Blackcliff, Helene and the rest of the Masks are after them, and Darrin has yet to be saved. Everything that could go wrong DOES go wrong, but then at the same time, we get some wholesome moments in this book and overall we LOVED IT!!!

~ Spoiler-full review below

The Good:

→ Laia

Kae: Laia. Our sweet little angel. She can never do anything wrong ever in life. We love her and we stan. She has broken Elias out of Blackcliff and now they’re on the run! It’s a hot ass mess. She and Elias escape through some catacombs or whatever, and they end up at an old Veturius warehouse where Keris, Elias’ evil ass mother is waiting for them. They battle it out! CLASH SLASH SLASH! Swords and scims are SWANGIN. They knock Keris out, tie her up, and get away. But… Keris done got a little slice in and cut Elias. Now he’s sick, seizing, and passed TF OUT. So while he and Laia are on this journey, taking care of him the whole way through. Things are getting worse and Elias is getting WORSE. So she takes a risk and goes to a sketchy town to find meds for him. The destination to find safety and also rescue her brother, Darrin is going to take a long longer than she anticipated. 

Geena: Kae got the start of the book really well, and like she mentioned we find out the Keris managed to cut Elias with a throwing star (lmao I THINK) which was poisoned. But Elias doesn't let Laia know that he’s been poisoned by a chemical that has no cure and that he’ll just end up slowly and painfully dying 😭 LAIA THO? She thinks of everything she can to help him, like going into a shady town full of mercenaries and killers to find him an antidote that she thinks might work. Does that backfire? Yes. But did she try her best? HELL YES. Laia makes a lot of mistakes in this book, but rather than wallowing in some sort of self-pity she takes shit into her own hands and learns from her screw-ups and I really loved how Sabaa handled her. A lot of people drag Laia down and compare her to Helene, and I think I mentioned this in our last review too that those comparisons aren’t right because: 

Helene is a trained soldier, and she got white feminists antics so please…

Laia literally has had no training but she (with Elias) manage to outsmart Helene and other Masks so like…..

Anyways, I love Laia and I’ll fight ANYONE who talks shit about her. Scratch that, Elias will manifest and beat the shit out of anyone that talks shit about Laia. Like even when she was hanging out with Keenan, Elias was like ‘If it weren’t for my love for Laia I would have murdered your ass’ just because he suspected Keenan of being a snake (and he was right…). But yea, in Book 2 Laia takes command of what happens and starts formulating her own plans along with help from her companions, and she doesn’t let any backfired plans stop her (even when Izzy died 😩). When Elias is captured and imprisoned she plans to break out both him and her brother, and through quick thinking, she and Elias are able to devise a plan which obviously goes to shit but still ends up working out... So Laia haters… how my ass taste?  

→ Ilyaas and the Tribes 

Kae: Geena summed up Laia perfectly! So now we’re going to talk about Ilyaas and the tribes. Elias, as we all know, was abandoned by his mother when he was a baby. She left him in the desert for the tribes people to find instead of just killing him, which she deeply regrets. SO!! Elias is not his birth name. His birth name is Ilyaas, which is the name given to him by the tribes people. They are who Elias considers to be his real family. He has siblings, a mother (Mamie Rila), friends, and more, who he grew up with before he was taken to go to Black Cliff. Here is where Ilyaas feels the most comfortable with himself and his surroundings. He feels his safest when he is with the tribes. He had kept in contact with them his whole life and continued to do so even after being on the run which is why they ended up back with the tribes. They took him in and consider him family and when they met Laia, they instantly loved her. Especially Mamie Rila, who thought she had “GOOD BIRTHING HIPS” LMAOOO SHE WILD FOR THAT ONE. Anyway, when Elias and Laia show up as fugitives, they know they have to hide them. So Mamie Rila and family keep them hidden. When the Martial’s come riding the camp and looking for them, they figure out a distraction. Mamie Rila calls a big meeting during a special ceremony in which she gives a speech. During the speech, she riles everyone up and shit talks to Martials and what they did to Elias and how they are ruining society. This gives the tribal people the motivation to cause a big enough riot for Elias and Laia to book it! Elias runs into Helene during their escape and they meet for the first time in weeks, possibly months. Helene is stunned, but Elias tells her he is sorry and he misses her. After a good fight, Elias gets the best of Helene. She ends up letting them get away. 

Geena: Kae really hit all the points! I really liked how Sabaa mentioned that Elias’ (Martial) grandpa changed his name from the given Ilyaas and anglicized it for Martial society (shoutout to Colonialism ha ha). But Ilyaas and his connection with his family is one of the things that sets him apart from other YA protagonists I’ve noticed, he’s genuinely a good person and it’s because he was raised in such a loving and caring environment and my hort 🥺 In this book he stays on the same trend of always getting into shit bc he’s a good guy, he’s vowed to help Laia break out Darrin but then shit goes down… The poison killing him sends him to the Waiting Place (essentially a purgatory) where he meets the Soul Catcher (Shaeva) who helps him come to terms with the fact he’s dying. Through Ilyaas we also learn about what lead to the creation of the Nightbringer (how the Shaeva helped some Scholars essentially destroy a thriving Jinn community r.i.p.). This is spread throughout the book and really enhances Sabaa’s worldbuilding and we loved it! Also, we can’t forget the rawest lines throughout the whole series which was said in this book:

 “You are my temple. You are my priest. You are my prayer. You are my release.” 

LIKE HELLO?????????????????????????????????????? When Elias realized he only had a month left to live and that he’d move faster without the tribal folk, he leaves Laia and whispers that to her while she’s asleep and SHE DOESN’T EVEN HEAR IT BRO?? Anyways, Elias leaves to bust Darrin out himself but things happen and he ends up imprisoned,  but still manages to get to Darrin and finds out that KEENAN’S BITCHASS ISN’T WHO HE SAYS HE IS. 

Kae: Also when Elias breaks into the prison he’s almost immediately caught by the Warden who experiments on the prisoners. These prisoners are mostly the scholars. So the Warden recognizes Elias from when he has to patrol the prison when he was younger. When the Warden recognizes Elias, he puts him in prison and it begins to torture him. But Elias ain’t no bitch so he handles that shit like a MAN!!! Whenever the Warden is done with Elias he sends in a little Scholar boy to clean him up. The boy continues to clean Elias up and be nice to him and Elias is like “I love this child as if he were my own. I will kill ANYONE who does him HARM and there will be MURDER.” And so like, Elias is a softie and once again, genuinely a good person that is out in bad situations. 

Geena: Elias engaged dad mode in the middle of a torture chamber, imagine what’ll happen if he and Laia ever have children…. 

Kae: Need me a man like Elias ngl asdfghjkl. BUT LIKE. HE’S LIKE “my new son… what is your name?” And the little boy is like “Puhpa.. I have no name*insert sad eyes here*” So Elias names him Tas.  Tas helps him break out of prison with Darrin. But Elias dies as they’re escaping and he goes to the Waiting Place and he makes a deal with Shaeva to take her place so she can move on to the next life, then BOOM. He’s alive again and wakes back up in the prison. 

Tas: Yo wtf wake yo big ass up. I, a six year old, have been carrying you. 

Elias: LMAOOO my bad I was dead. Let’s roll. 

And so they escape with Darrin and Laia and the rest of the Scholars. And Kauf burns down. 

The Bad:

→ Keris

Geena: Keris may not be a good person or a good mother but at least…………………………… I was trying to think of something good to say about her but this bitch really is all trash. Like she finds some sort of sick joy in killing her own son. Like, why let him live after you gave birth to him only to turn around and torture him. Anyways, we find out some interesting tidbits about how she’s in cahoots with the Nightbringer, who seems to be controlling everything she does. And we also find out that she’s planning a coup against Markus, who is the new and shitty emperor, but because the support behind him is weak Keris is like ‘This will be no biggie’. She finds some sort of sick joy in killing scholars, she wakes up and is like “I eat genocide for breakfast,” and I’m like *monkey side eye* bc who in the fuck... Like I don’t know what she was fed growing up but the concentration of hate and bitterness in this woman is too much… we also find out she had Helene’s torturer, Avitas Harper, spying on Helene throughout the whole book. Keris doesn’t just have eyes in the back of her head, she got eyes on every living surface. 

→ Harper

Kae: Harper! I didn’t like him when he was first introduced. I didn’t like the fact that he was beating the shit out of Helene even though I wasn’t exactly a fan of her either but I understood that she had to do what she had to do so she wasn’t a number one on my enemy list just yet. But I hated having to read Harper whoop her ass. I mean, Harper didn’t LIKE doing it. But ya kno… Keris made him do it. Harper started off as a spy for Keris. He was assigned to basically be Helene’s second, so he was to aid her in whatever mission she was sent on , while also reporting everything she did back to Keris. LITTLE DID WE KNOW THO!!! THAT OUR BOY AVITAS HARPER DIDNT FUCK WITH KERIS. He had his own personal motives that we don’t discover in this book. So after awhile he was like “....nah I’m done with that.” So he becomes loyal to Helene. He shows mild displays of not wanting to kill anyone that doesn’t need to be killed (the tribes after they helped Elias escape). He also goes out of his way to make sure Helene eats and gets sleep and has fresh clothes. I think little things like that is how he tries to show his loyalty. He also knows that Helene has a soft spot for Elias and that she doesn’t really want to hurt him. We learned that he has a soft heart and is a pretty cool dude. He really just wants to help Helene in any way that he can. He worries for her. 

Geena: Harper has always been a shady character for me, like I didn’t expect Sabaa to turn Helene’s torturer into her love interest… WHEN I TELL U I SCREAMED at all their moments I was LIKE WAT IS THIS but I sat back because I was like imma trust Sabaa. But it was interesting to read Harper be like “Yea, I’m a snake and?” and Helene just accepting it like “This is my life I guess”. But Harper wanting to emulate Elias and being like “Maybe I too will attempt to be a good human being now”... a very interesting development… Also, Im curious to see how Harper (and by extension, Helene’s) stories end… will Sabaa give the soldiers of the state a happy ending… DO they deserve a happy ending 🤔 Will they make up for their war crimes in the series finale? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.

Kae: ALSO THO. WHEN HELENE TELLS HARPER HE’S A SNAKE, HARPER IS LIKE “Yeah and Snakes survive soooo…”

→ Markus

Kae: So now we have skankass Markus. Markus used to have a twin brother named Zacharias. Markus killed  Zacharias in the first book during the trials and now his twin brother haunts him and whispers in his ear. People claim that Markus talks to himself when it’s really him trying to get his brother out of his head. After the trials, Markus became Emperor. He is a tyrant and is killing whoever gets in his way. Markus is doing everything in his power to stay relevant because he is a very unliked by literally everyone in this society. He is a Plebeian and that is one of the lower ranking caste in this world. The Martials don’t like that someone of a lower rank is in charge of all of them so they want him off of the throne.  He also has a lust/hate thing for Helene and tries to belittle and make her uncomfortable as much as possible. He also absolutely hates Elias and has ordered Helene to kill him. Markus ALSO arranged to marry Helene’s sister, Hannah.  Hannah is kind of a bitch so she’s down with the shits to get back at Helene. Why she hates Helene? I seriously don’t know.  In the end, Markus is like “So you didn’t kill Elias? *evil laughter*  Well, since I can’t kill YOU, Helene, I’ll kill your family” so he slices the neck of Helene‘s parents and his fiancé, Hannah. He leaves Livia (Livvy) alive and married her instead. Ngl, that part made me so sad I got tears in my eyes. That was so fucked up dude. That’s when I KNEW Sabaa didn’t fuck around. I’m convinced she wants no survivors in the end lmaopleasedontdothatSabaa. 

Geena: Oh yea like Markus is nasty as Kae outlined, he could’ve been Keris. But unlike Keris, Markus is a dispshit with no braincells (bc they died with his brother). He’s a disgusting human being who assaulted Laia back in book one and has been implied to have done that to other scholar slaves 🤢 AND LIKE …….. HELENE KNEW THIS……. AND SHE KNEW HER SISTER WAS TOO GOOD FOR HIM…. So, imagine her horror when her favourite sister is forced to marry him….. I guess he was “smart” for marrying her favourite sister and realizing that was the only way to control Helene to get her to do what he wanted. bUt das it.  

The Ugly:  

→ Keenan’s Fugly Ass. Bitchass. Manipulating ass. 

Geena: Do you know…. Do you know how much denial I was in??? All through book 1 and majority of book 2, I was like FUCK KEENAN but seeing how Laia was into him I was like *angry pingu meme* LIke FINE FINE, I’ll like him because Laia likes him and I just want him to be happy. SO, I ACCEPTED THAT KEENAN AND LAIA WAS THE IT COUPLE… And like did I skim over the part where they got nasty? Kinda. But i was like okay fine, Laia loves him and he’s helping her. But then the big reveal…. THIS MANS WAS PLAYING HER THE WHOLE TIME??? HE WAS NEVER KEENAN, THE SCHOLAR REBEL, THIS HOE WAS THE NIGHTBRINGER THE WHOLE TIME??????? He’d played Laia into developing feelings for him, JUST SO that he could take the armlet that he mother had given her. Which, we find out, is an important part of some weapon that the Nightbringer needs to bring about the apocalypse or some shit. And, he can only take the weapon if it’s given out of love. This implies he was in love with Laia too, but I’d fight that bitch like hOW DARE YOU????

Kae:  You skipped the nasty scene!? LMAOOO I WAS SHOOK BUT ALSO MAD BUT ALSO LIKE OKAY WHATEVER. I WAS A HARDCORE LAIA X ELIAS SHIPPER FROM THE START! But like, same. I was like “If Laia is happy with Keenan, then I’ll be happy too.” But maaaaann… 

Geena: I WANTED TO GIVE KEENAN BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT OKAY, AND LIKE SABAA really subverted my expectations because usually in YA only the true love interests end up getting nasty so I was like… I guess this is it! But she was like “SIKE!!! YOU THOUGHT!!!” Anyways, I still don’t think this series should be YA but whatever...

Kae: GORL I WAS SEETHING WITH HATRED!!!!!!! AT THAT REVEAL!! I WAS SO FUCKING MAD. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!! I LITERALLY HATE HIM. Def shouldn’t be YA. But, here we areeee! 

Kae: I just wanted to say that I hate Keenan/ The Nightbringer with a BURNING PASSION. I hate when guys trick women into trusting them so that they can sleep with them and get what they want. That pisses me off to the highest degree I think it is a scumbag move and he is just a dirty little fucker and I can’t stand him. There is nothing that can  represent all of the hatred that I have for Keenan. I absolutely loathe him/The Nightbringer. I hope he suffers. 

Geena: Fuck dude, that’s so valid. 

Conclusion

Kae: In conclusion, the Nightbringer is a bitch and I HATE HIM. 

Geena: SAME! We hate the Nightbringer as much as we love Laia and Elias so there’s that. Sabaa really shows out with the characters she’s crafted from An Ember in the Ashes, takes a baseball bat, and starts beating the shit out of our emotions and her characters at the same time. ANYWAYS, please read this series!