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dis-easedfairy · 1 year

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Noxious Pt.6

Chapter 6: The Bonds We’ve Built

Pairings: Park Jimin x Female Reader | Kim Taehyung x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Best Friend!au, College!au, Eventual Poly!au, Eventual Smut

Word Count: 7,921 (roughly 29 minutes of average reading time)

Summary: Jimin, Taehyung and F/n are all childhood friends. Taehyung moved away some years ago and left Jimin to take care of F/n. F/n falls for Jimin as they get older and gives up everything to fit into his life, until one night Jimin gets drunk and tells her what he really thinks of her.

A/N: SOoooo I got a new computer and my laptop is a little janky so I haven't been able to transfer everything (impulsive decision, holiday specials and other works) including my taglists so sorry about that. Sorry for the wait. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

Wanna catch up or read more?

Previous Chapter - Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Once I climbed onto the fluffy comforter Taehyung leaned forward, wrapped his arms around my frame, and pulled us both back into the pillows. I could see the city lights through the large-ish windows and it with Taehyung's heartbeat was all I could manage to focus on despite the large TV playing a movie. It was just serving as white noise at this point. The lights in the hotel room were shut off to set the nighttime ambiance.

He wouldn't tell me how much the hotel cost when we arrived. I knew it was one of the fancier ones in Seoul. No matter how many times I tried to apologize for Hoseok making him come, he would shut me down.

He did end up reassuring me about Yeontan. He left him with his mom for the night. I had no doubt in my mind that Mrs. Kim would spoil Yeontan.

I was so worried about boundaries that I was hesitant to show any affection to Taehyung, but as I laid in his arms, his chin resting on my head as the side of my face was pressed to his chest it was clear that it wasn't an issue.

"You seem less aggressive than Hoseok warned me you'd be." His voice was just above a whisper.

"Aggressive?" I tried to replay my actions in my head from the past few weeks.

"He said you and Jimin argued a lot recently. He warned me about picking a fight with Jimin or you. He just wanted us all to meet but didn't want it to blow up." Taehyung explained.

And it blew up anyway, "Poor Hobi." I sighed.

Taehyung let out a sigh of his own. He then reached over and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie and shifting so he could look a little more at my face.

"...Can I ask what happened with you and Jimin? I know it might be too soon to butt into your life and be this touchy, but it's been bothering me all night. What's happening?"

"Jimin and I are just disagreeing on our friendship." I tried to dance the question, but he seemed to be the better dancer.

"What is there to disagree about? I know you're hiding something from me."

I let out a groan, kicking my feet in frustration, "Tae!" I whined.

It all seemed stupid now. Not only that but the way Taehyung's eyes would darken when something affected me negatively made me think Taehyung would confront him. The last thing I wanted to have then was confrontation.

Taehyung let out a giggle and began to hold onto me tighter, "I'm hurt, I thought I was your dragon?" He began to tease.

I tried to squirm out of his grip, a decision that caused him to sit up and push me into the bed by my shoulders. I reflexively put my hands on his chest, ready to push him off, but stopped when I realized he was now straddling me. As he hovered above me, the world froze.

The dim lights from the city lights danced along his face while the light from the TV highlighted his form. His hands warmed my shoulders and sent tingles down my back and up my neck. His eyes widened like I bet mine were. Both surprised that we found ourselves in this position. I could feel his hammering heart under my palms, a sensation I don't think my own heart was ready for.

I was unsure if it was me making him nervous, or if it was from his efforts of getting me to sit still. To test the waters my hands began to slide down from his chest. I could feel him hold his breath, his eyes still locked with mine. His eyes weren't frozen in surprise though, they began to waver like he was searching for something in my gaze.

My hands slid down to his stomach. No abs, just soft warmth that somehow made my fondness grow. Taehyung's hands moved from my shoulders to brace himself, his hands now on the bed beside each side of my head. He began to slowly lower himself, it was slow enough that made me feel at ease like I had all the time in the world to move if I wanted to. Once his forehead rested on mine, he closed his eyes as I moved my hands up and to the side of his ribcage then glided to his back.

"I just want to protect you." His voice was soft and full of sincerity.

"...You don't have to. You don't need to, Tae." I assured, beginning to rub his back.

Taehyung shook his head, "I'm the dragon. I protect the princess."

“Ew, cringe.” I giggled, not missing the soft puff of amusement from him in return.

I tried to fight back the warmth that began to blossom in my cheeks as I tried to make myself think clearly. Just like at dinner, the warm fog began to roll in. It made the world seem sugary sweet. It made everything seem light and like everything was going to be good forever.

A feeling that I was starting to fear. A feeling that was too foreign for me to understand.

As my own eyes fluttered closed a question needed to be asked, "Tae...? Is this okay?" My words managed to break through as the fog began to consume my thoughts.

"What's okay? You being here with me? You under me? Or are you asking if it's okay to tell me?" I could feel his forehead lift off of mine, I almost wanted to chase the heat his forehead gave.

"All of it." I could feel his weight shift on top of me and my hands slid off of him onto the bed beside me, I could feel the bed lift around my head.

"Does it feel right?" I didn't know.

Did it feel right? Why did it feel amazing yet feel like impending doom? Why did I want to get lost in it, yet have a map to guide me back and make sure I was at least going in the right direction?

I could feel his hand find mine and intertwine our fingers, I refused to open my eyes. I feared that if I opened my eyes I would fall for the sight I would see. The man in front of me.

Once it took too long for me to respond, Taehyung let out a sigh, "Just tell me what's wrong. I can fix it. I can help."

"It's not something you can really fix. It's just a petty argument that will go away in a few hours."

"Tell me anyway, just in case it doesn't." I could feel fingers lightly caress my cheek, begging me to give in to the temptation.

Telling him wouldn't hurt. Would it?

"I fell in love with Jimin." The words rushed out of my mouth before I could second-guess them.

Taehyung's body stiffened, I was afraid I may have done something wrong but decided to tell anyway, "I didn't really confess properly... One night he just... He got so drunk and called me to pick him up. When I did he basically told me he didn't love me but kept leading me on anyway." I had no idea why I was sugar-coating it.

Maybe it was because I could feel Taehyung tremble above me or maybe it was because I didn't want him to fight Jimin.

I felt his warm hands cup my face, making my resolve quake, "This doesn't sound like an argument that will go away in a few hours." He murmured.

I wanted to snap at him that I was aware of that, but as my eyes opened and I was met with a heavenly sight, the words died in my throat.

His eyes were hooded, looking at me with a soft yet predatory gaze that made me feel like I was now getting too much attention.

"We're working on it." I endured.

Taehyung began to lean forward again. This time our eyes locked. He placed one hand beside my head as the other stayed on my cheek. Once his eyes flicked down to my lips, I knew my fate was sealed.

I could feel the flood of adoration rush into my blood. The feeling from the restaurant came flooding back. The one that lost reason, the one that didn't know boundaries.

I didn't know if Taehyung was feeling the same, but one thing that made the feeling intensify was how Taehyung froze mere inches away from his face. His eyes wavered, then quickly averted my gaze, his lips pressing together to avoid smiling.

"...Do you know why I gave you the nickname Yakgwa?" He asked, seeming like he was changing the subject.

I tried not to show my disappointment as I responded, "Uh, was it because the lady at the stand gave me free ones because I shared them with you and Jimin?"

Taehyung shook his head, he looked back over to me, his eyes weren't meeting mine, they were purely on my lips as he spoke, "A few weeks after that. We were in the park close to my house. You wanted to be pretty. So I put flowers in your hair, my mom dressed you up in a princess dress, you insisted on a tea party, and you made me dress up too. Jimin usually would be the one to dress up with you but he was at his brother's game at the beach. After cookies and tea, you dragged me up to the tallest part of the park swing set and told me to pretend we were getting married."

Oh god no.

"Yah! You don't need to finish!" I quickly stated, feeling the burning embarrassment as I moved my hands to cover my face.

Taehyung began to move my hands away and continued his story, "My mom ran as fast as she could to get my dad and the camera from the car. I thought you were going to do the same thing you did with Jimin. You would get a kiss on the cheek and then hug him. But you didn't want that with me. You pulled me in and kissed me. On the lips."

My face was blazing hot as I only shook my head at his retelling of events. I refused to believe I stole his first kiss. All for a mock wedding because Jimin wasn't there to give me one.

"I don't call you Yakgwa because of some lady at a market. I call you that because when you kissed me, at our fake wedding," Taehyung's lips pulled into a small smile as he began to close the gap between our lips, "your lips tasted exactly like yakgwa."

Unlike when we were children, I let him close the space. His lips molded to mine making searing heat rush to my neck and face. I felt overwhelmingly warm and affectionate, my hands quickly moving to grip his shirt to keep him from moving away. Taehyung moved back slightly so he could fit between my legs instead of straddling them. I was more than willing to open my legs to accommodate him, my lips even parting when his tongue brushed against my bottom lip.

It was a burning blur of events that led to my hands in his hair, he was pressed dangerously against me. He was so close I could feel his racing heartbeat and the heat coming from his flushed skin. His hand traveled from my face down. I never expected him to slowly begin to play with the buttons of my shirt.

I knew this was too fast. It was all emotion and not any rational thought. The sound of a buzzing phone in the distance did nothing to break the focus we had on each other's mouths. With each movement of our tongues or lips, I began to feel more confident. I soon made us roll over so I was now on top of Taehyung, using my newfound leverage to set the pace. I unknowingly gave Taehyung the advantage of being able to slide his hands up the back of my shirt. His hot palms caused shivers to dance along my skin.

Once Taehyung bucked his hips up against me it caused an even bigger issue. I swallowed down the groan that arose from him, my core now feeling tingling heat that caused me to rock my hips against him. I pulled away from his lips to attack his neck.

A moan tore from his throat which drove me absolutely insane.

"There, please there," His breathless voice floated to me through the haze once I kissed a certain part of his neck, slightly under the ear, along his jawline.

Taehyung's hands went from my back to my ass to knead the soft flesh and help me keep my pace. Once a moan escaped me, Taehyung flipped us back over. Instead of kissing my neck, he went straight to unbuttoning my shirt.

This was enough time for the haze to slightly lift enough for my rational mind to wrap around the situation. I quickly grabbed Taehyung's hands, making him freeze in place, the fog lifting for him too.

Our panting breaths filled the room as we were both scared to move. Our flushed faces and disheveled looks gave a clear indication that we lost control.

Before he could speak I wanted to clarify, "I'm sorry! I was trying to keep my head in check but I just--" Taehyung cut me off with an adorable peck to the lips.

"Don't apologize, we both liked it, right?" He cupped my face with one hand again, eyes looking into mine full of hope.

"Yes. I did, but don't you think this is a little too fast?"

Taehyung seemed to deflate, "I haven't actually thought about it..."

"EH!?" Was the only noise that came out, causing Taehyung to press his lips together in an effort not to laugh.

What does he mean he hasn't thought about it?? Was he just going with the flow? Was he just acting on pure emotion or urge??

"I was just excited to see you again if I'm being honest. We had a really nice time last time and I got to meet your friends and see Jimin again. I had a really pleasant night and being here with you just..." He looked up at the ceiling like he was trying to gather his thoughts.

The suspense was killing me. I wasn't sure what I was expecting him to say, my whole body froze in anticipation.

A big smile began to form on his face, he hid his face against my shoulder as he quietly muttered, "You make me so happy."

Taehyung lowered himself so he was laying on top of me, his arms wrapped around me as he nuzzled into my shoulder, as my hands found his hair my body relaxed.

"I'll take it a lot slower," Taehyung promised, "We'll know each other all over again."

He let out a sigh, and all the tension in his body dissipated. It was like he melted over me, I expected him to be heavy but it was somehow a comfortable weight. I never knew a person could be a security blanket.

"You're so warm," Taehyung whispered, I could even hear the smile in his voice.

"You're so safe," I whispered back before turning my head to kiss his temple and the top of his head.

Taehyung let out a hum that vibrated into my bones before he spoke, "Let's sleep. I'll take you to school in the morning. You need to show me around anyway."

It was now becoming a theme that I couldn't say no to this man.

Taehyung was keeping to his word.

I think.

As soon as we woke up he dragged me to a café. He was practically bouncing in his seat as we waited for me to decide.

"How do you have this much energy right now?" I yawned, I was tired and drowsiness hugged me like a heavy blanket.

"Maybe we should've gotten you a couple of espresso shots." Taehyung grinned.

"Or maybe I should've slept more," I grumbled while rubbing my eyes.

It was 6 am. Every bone in my body seemed to pop and creak with resistance. The warm and cozy café filled with smells of coffee and baked goods did little to nothing to wake my senses. If anything it had the opposite effect. Hints of vanilla and lavender wafting under the stronger coffee smell.

"I wanted to have breakfast with you before you went to school. I've been imagining how nice it would be to eat breakfast, drop you off, and come back to have lunch with you." His dreamy telling made it hard to be mad at him.

But not impossible.

I yawned, leaning back in my chair, "Well, we should have you learn my schedule because you are two hours ahead, TaeTae."

Taehyung flashed me an apologetic smile, "That would be good. I'm on high school hours I guess."

"I do think lunch would be good though. The guys seemed to like you well enough. I think Jeongguk needs another photographer or camera person in his life because Yoongi locks himself in his dorm or the recording studio booths."

"Jeongguk is a photographer?"

"He's more into video, but he's a jack of all trades. I think you'll like him. I used to play games with him at parties Jimin would drag me to, but my grades started to tank. You two would get along." I elaborated, trying to focus my eyes on the menu.

My fuzzy, half-asleep brain refused to multitask. My brain unable to register that I was looking at words. I must've squinted at the words like they were ancient scratching because the menu was taken out of my hands.

"Are you feeling a hot drink or a cold one?" Taehyung questioned, his eyes scanning the menu.

"Cold."

"Are you a strong brew or blonde brew kinda person?"

"Strong brew," I muttered, my eyes wandering to look around the coffee shop.

"Are you like a hazelnut toffee, or like a peppermint mocha?"

"...These are a lot of questions for coffee." Taehyung smiled, not looking up from the menu.

I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion, "The coffee shop isn't asking this, is it?"

Taehyung placed the menu down and let his eyes wander to the ceiling like he was thinking over his answer.

"I just want to get to know you better." He admitted.

I had no idea why I was so guarded in some aspects but I was willing to fully make out with him. Why I felt like telling him things would only be a nuisance to him and annoying?

How did I expect us to get closer with no communication though?

I sucked it up, noting that I was being unreasonable and unfair.

"Salted Caramel Mocha is usually my go-to if they have it. I'm a sucker for seasonal flavors. I avoid hazelnut because my mom is allergic and I forget it's an option." I informed.

Taehyung's smile grew, "They have salted caramel as syrup and you can add it to a mocha!"

"That sounds fine," I assured.

He then proceeded to do a subtle little dance in his seat that devastated me before raising to go place our order.

I couldn't help but look over every so often at him. Each time I wasn't disappointed, he was undeniably adorable no matter the circumstances it seemed.

I scolded myself mentally, feeling a least a little creepy for staring, so I turned my attention out the window to see the sun turning the sky in various soft tones, watching people pulling up to get their caffeine fixes.

We had come pretty early. So early that the sun was barely rising, and the air was cool and crisp. The cool air outside contrasted the warm air in the coffee shop enough to make fog against the corners of the shop windows. It set a very particular feeling I knew I would only experience in this very specific scenario.

I heard a semi-loud giggle that turned my attention over to the counter that Taehyung was standing at.

It was obvious the barista was flirting with him, but what really caught my attention was the mountain of goodies on the wooden tray provided by the shop. I at first, thought the barista gave him these goodies as a way of flirting, but as I looked on a little longer, Taehyung asked a question I couldn't quite hear. Before he could even get an answer he was reaching over to the display case to get another wrapped goodie. This caused the barista to let out another giggle.

Another barista, a male who seemed unamused, placed the two coffees on the tray, moved his coworker over, and began to ring up the items. He read out the total to which Taehyung gave over his card with a heart-wrenching smile. His card was rung up and given back. The female coworker was lightly pushed towards the back of the counters facing the wall.

Taehyung took the tray and as soon as he turned to face our table his excited smile blossomed butterflies in my stomach. He nearly skipped to the table, putting down the tray and unloading my drink first.

"I didn't know if you wanted breakfast but I thought these looked good!" He began, unloading the different treats off the tray and separating them into sweet ones and savory ones.

"I didn't know if you were more into bread in the morning or light things," He explained as he took his seat and began to shuffle through them himself.

"Uhhh, I've actually never thought about it. I'm either early to class or incredibly late. There is no in-between so I just grab whatever or nothing at all. I never asked what coffee you liked by the way." I prodded.

Taehyung looked over to his drink then back to me with a bit of a sheepish look, "I actually don't like most coffees. They're too bitter."

This man couldn't get any cuter even if he tried.

"So you got a hot chocolate? Or a latte?" I questioned, sitting a bit forward to look at the treats on the table.

"Yeah, I got a raspberry white hot chocolate. They had a caramel chocolate one too but I haven't tried the raspberry one."

"At least you're adventurous. My roommate gets a strawberry latte everywhere she goes. Chooses nothing else but that and dalgona."

"I knew a few people like that. Especially strawberry latte ones." He trailed off.

I picked out one of the sandwiches from the pile and looked for a bread bun. I usually went for more savory things since the coffee was already pretty sweet. Sandwiches were alright but nothing beat the bread buns. Once I found a chicken curry bun I happily snatched it in delight. As I began to open it I caught sight of Taehyung in my peripheral vision. I looked up to see him fully and was greeted by his slight smile. His eyes held warmth in them as the rising sun began to shine rays to dance in his irises.

His eyes were naturally dark in color. Yet when the sun hit them just right they turned into molten dark chocolate. The unevenness of his eyes held so much charm that was only elevated by the adorable beauty mark right under one of his eyes.

"You're doing it again." Taehyung chuckled, obviously flustered.

I ripped my eyes away from him to look down at my bun, "Sorry, you're just really beautiful." I admitted.

Taehyung let out a flustered groan, "How can you say that so easily?"

I began to flush myself as I shrugged, "Artist brain maybe?" I theorized.

Taehyung shook his head as he was failing to hide a smile, “Well, Artist Brain, I have to take you to campus soon. Eat up.”

Arriving on campus before 8 am was a surreal feeling. Most of my classes started at 9 am or later. However, this gave me the perfect opportunity to visit Jeongguk about jobs since he was probably getting ready to go to his sometime soon.

After shooting him a text I made my way to his dorm room. Once I knocked on the door it swung open theatrically to reveal a semi-surprising sight.

“I don’t hear you counting!” Hoseok’s signature drill-sergeant-like tone drew out to the figure below him as he twirled a black-stick-like object in his hand.

Below Hoseok was sadly Jimin. Doing pushups but his arms were shaking and grunts of effort left his lips leading me to believe this had been going on for a while.

Jeongguk’s bright face, wet hair, and bunny smile greeted me as he held the door open.

“Morning, Noona!” He chirped like the scene behind him wasn't taking place.

“Uh… Am I interrupting somethi– Is that a selfie stick??” As I spotted the object in Hoseok’s hand, a phone now visibly attached it it, Jeongguk shrugged.

“Sometimes I have to use my phone to film. Need those angles.” He replied nonchalantly.

“…Please don't tell me the phone is actually recording…”

“Good Morning, F/n! What brings you here?” Hobi’s sunshine smile beamed so brightly that it gave me whiplash, forgetting the phone completely.

“I was going to ask Jeongguk when he was free to job hunt; Jimin are you okay?” I questioned.

“NO!” Jimin puffed which earned him a light kick from Hoseok.

“I didn’t say to stop counting.” Hoseok nearly barked.

“I’m free around five this afternoon. We could get food and hunt. There is also a new machine in the arcade not too far from here, we could check that out.” Jeongguk proposed.

“She… said ‘job hunt’… not… a date!” Jimin muttered between pants.

“Less talking more counting!”

“Okay, what the fuck is happening!? Jimin please get up I'm so uncomfortable.” I stepped into the room to close the door behind me like I had to hide the scene from passersby.

Jimin let out a groan of relief as he dropped flat on the floor, a sweaty and flushed mess.

“Why is this happening?” I interrogated, crossing my arms in hopes it showed I meant business.

Jeongguk and Hoseok exchanged looks before Hoseok spoke up, “Last night shouldn't have happened so we’re rectifying it.”

“What!? That’s what this is? He apologized!” I defended in disbelief.

“You were upset!” Jeongguk countered.

“At myself, not him!” I groaned.

“…Jimin, why didn’t you say anything?” Hoseok asked like that would be a possibility.

“Now, I’m going to take Jimin to his dorm to clean up and take him to a nice breakfast. I want you BOTH to be in the same state he is in or I’ll tell Seokjin it was you two who ruined his game save files!” I threatened as I moved to peel my childhood crush off the floor.

“You wouldn’t!” Jeongguk gasped.

“He was so mad that his farm in Stardew Valley was just GONE. He loved his fucking ducks, Jeongguk, you monster!” I called out dramatically as Jimin tried to hold himself up, throwing his arm around my shoulders for support.

“We wanted to see the creepy-looking farm map! We made so much progress and misclicked!” Hoseok tried to save their future in vain.

“HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? HE WAS FARMING DIAMONDS BRO. DIAMONDS. ”

“YOU CAN DO THAT?”

“WE’RE LEAVING!” Jimin groaned nearly yanking me to the door.

“I vow to stop storming out dramatically after arguments.” I sighed as I tried to make myself as comfortable as I could on Jimin’s bed.

“I would appreciate that.” Jimin gave me a playful scoff as he entered the dorm, freshly showered.

I tried not to giggle as he plopped himself next to me with a pout, his hair reminding me faintly of a porcupine.

“I really am sorry. I should’ve let it go as soon as you apologized. It was childish and I won't do it again.” I reiterated in a firm and determined tone that made Jimin let out a breathless giggle.

“It wasn’t childish and you weren't obligated to forgive me. You were angry. Understandably so.” Jimin sighed as he looked down at his hands.

A looming silence filled the air. I could feel it in his tone and the way he was sitting that he had more to say. So I kept quiet, trying not to jump in or rush him as he found his words.

When his words finally came it caught me so off-guard, “I felt jealous.”

I swore he was some kind of mythical creature when he looked up at me finally. The natural light coming from the dorm room window hit the white wall behind us causing his features to illuminate perfectly.

Jimin averted his eyes from me as he began to explain, “I really thought about it last night. On why I acted that way. You and Taehyung seemed to get along so well and I guess I started to compare it to how we are now. I was angry. I couldn’t talk to you like that or touch you like that. I can barely even hug you anymore because it’s so different now and I don't want to push your boundaries. I know it’s my fault it's like this and that it’s my fault we can’t be that way. It was wrong of me to get mad at you if I’m the reason our relationship is so complicated now. I’m sorry. I’ll try to control my emotions.”

I could feel my stomach fill with guilt.

I made out with Taehyung last night.

And now Jimin was pouring his heart out.

And now I wanted Jimin all over again but now Taehyung may have the wrong idea. Did I have the wrong idea? Did I read too much into Taehyung’s attention and throw myself at him? Were my emotions too high and I just fucked up so badly? Did I just make this even messier than it was before?

“What are you thinking about?” Jimin’s voice caused me to nearly jump out of my skin.

I snapped my guilt-filled eyes over to look at Jimin, trying my best to gather my thoughts.

“Why did you feel jealous?” What a stupid fucking question about something he already answered.

To my surprise, he seemed to think over my question.

Jimin’s lips pulled into a frown, “I felt like I was getting replaced. Like someone stole you from me, right in front of me. Like I already lost you. Everyone was warning me at the table to not interfere with what you had with Taehyung… even if it was possible you…” He trailed off his eyes averting once again as he pressed his lips together, his brows creasing.

“Is that what you were talking about when Taehyung and I left the table?”

Jimin nodded, “They noticed I was trying to butt in. They told me to back off. I just couldn’t help it though. What if you actually stopped preferring me and started preferring you spent time with Taehyung? What if you gave up your days just to take a ride to Daegu and left no time for me? What if you transferred schools to be closer to him? What if he hated me too and didn't want you to speak to me anymore? What if you finally realized I wasn't worth your time?”

The urge to hug Jimin only became stronger as I saw his eyes turn glossy, his eyes shifting to look at his lap and he tried to think more.

“That's why I told you it was stupid and to ignore me for the rest of the night. My complicated feelings shouldn’t stop your own. You watched me have girlfriend after girlfriend. You heard who I hooked up with the next day after it happened. You saw me flirt with others, you saw me kiss others, yet you never pushed yourself in, you never do what I do. I get so mad at myself because every time I act this way I think of that. That I’m being immature. That I’m entitled. That I’m such a stupid fucking hypocrite.”

“Jimin, can I hug you?” I asked softly, trying not to cry like an absolute fool.

Jimin looked up at me in complete surprise, “You want to hug me?”

I only nodded, reaching my hands out was the only confirmation he needed before immediately ducking down to shove his face into my shoulder and wrap his arms around my waist. One of my arms wrapped around his shoulders while the other held his head close to me. He let out a hum that vibrated my collarbone and warmed me from the inside despite his wet hair cooling my fingertips.

“We’re just both big idiots, huh?” I commented softly.

“Yoongi said it's because we share a single brain cell.” Jimin’s voice was muffled against my shoulder.

Before I could defend ourselves from Yoongi’s comment, Jimin unwrapped his arms to place his hands on my stomach and push me back so I was flat against the bed. Once I was flat Jimin used his knees to push open my legs and move to lay on top of me, his face back into my shoulder and his arms beginning to wrap around me once more as he let out a content sign.

“I missed you,” Jimin whispered as he nuzzled his face against the crook of my neck.

I tried to ignore the goosebumps that followed his action and tried to lay out the schedule for the day.

“Don’t get too comfortable, porcupine. I still have to take you to breakfast.” I tried to reach for the discarded towel for this man’s still dripping hair with little success.

Jimin took a deep breath, nuzzling his face into my shoulder with a hum, “Or we can take a nap and have lunch later.”

I let out a huff, accepting my fate of a wet shirt because the stupid towel wasn't in arms reach.

“I have classes in an hour, I can't sleep in.” I frowned.

“…Who gets 9am classes?”

“They were the only ones available on such short notice! It was either 9am or 7am and I don't think I’d function that early.” I whined.

“I’ll miss the breakfasts we had at 10.” Jimin sighed at the loss.

I let out a scoff, “More like your 10am hangover pity party.”

Jimin huffed at the jab, “Well now the pity party will move to lunch.”

“Or you could get up earlier, you know?” Jimin lifted his head to look at me in mock offense at the mere suggestion of something so vile.

“How dare you.” He muttered.

If he had pearls he’d clutch them about now.

I raised my hand to push the hair out of his face, enjoying the bare-faced view on top of me, “Apologies, your majesty, perhaps I could interest you in toast made by the finest lady in front of the university campus to make up for my grievances.”

Jimin’s eyes narrowed but he held no real malice, “I want an extra egg in mine.”

“Pardon, your grace?” I teased.

Jimin’s eye roll was somehow so relieving to see after all that happened last night.

“It would be unbecoming of me to evaluate so severely. I should absolve those I rule over readily for they are my people. I only ask for an additional golden egg to be lain upon said toast to reestablish the trust we have forged.”

I gave out a dramatic gasp, “Such a gracious Prince! To what do I owe to be in such a serendipitous standing to be ruled over by someone as dignified as you, your majesty? Such compassion will not be taken for granted!”

“Okay, you need to shut up now you’re giving me a headache.”

“Do you think she gets a lot of money for running this?” Jimin asked, mouth slightly full as he looked around at the college students crowding the multiple carts and trucks around us.

It was pretty common for street vendors to come to the university parking lot to sell food in the mornings. They tended to stick around until after lunch, they’d leave then go to open up their shops for the night at the markets on popular streets or districts.

I’m sure I've seen a few nearby clubs and other shopping districts.

Jimin’s usual go-to was this nice older lady who made these sandwiches. Toast, a sauce, egg, cheese, and ham. It was simple but I think Jimin took a liking to her kind demeanor and the fact that she used reminded him of his own grandmother.

“Probably. Most markets are open throughout the day but I’m sure hungry college students surviving off of ramen flood them when they get the money.”

Jimin only let out a hum, clearly too preoccupied with his food to truly give a response. His puffy cheeks and pouted lips made me muster the strength to utter my next words.

“So, I’m just warning you that I was going to invite Taehyung for our group lunch.” I tried to play it off like I wasn’t internally freaking out about the possible reaction to my words.

He swallowed, looking over at me seeming to process my words for a moment.

“You know,” He began.

Oh no, here it comes.

“Maybe I should take you somewhere for dinner. I share you for almost every meal with other friends. I used to do it because it was easier that way and I didn't really want to spend too much time with you, but recently, I can’t help but feel like it's too little. We’ll have lunch with everyone but dinner is my time.” Jimin suggested.

Okay, maybe he didn't hear me.

“I do spend a lot of time with our friends and even more now that Taehyung is back in our lives.” I tried to give him hints that he couldn't avoid.

“Mhm, so we’ll have lunches with them but dinner is with me! My mom was sending me some recipes and I’ve been meaning to try out the hot plate my dad got me. We might have to go to the market for some pots though.” Jimin smiled.

It was so genuine that I had to be clear.

“Yes, lunch with Taehyung and dinner with you!” I tried again.

Jimin frowned.

Finally.

“Lunches are for the group. See if he’ll take the breakfast slot?”

EXCUSE ME.

“You’re talking like I'm a community center that needs a timeslot!”

Jimin shrugged, “I’m just saying I promised Jeonggukie I would always have lunch with him and I know everyone would miss you even if it were for a day. I’m not much of a morning person anyway so I’ll take the evenings but it’s banished to morning time.”

“Its name is Taehyung.”

“It’s annoyingly dense. Keep it away from me.”

“Jimin-”

“No.” Jimin’s voice was firm.

He took a deep breath before speaking like he was clearing his mind to choose his next words.

“I know I can’t keep you from seeing him as a friend. You’re a person, not an object. I don't mind him at friend gatherings because Jeongguk seems to like him and Yoongi has a soft spot for him. I shouldn’t ruin that with the problems I have for him in the past. All I ask is to not expect me to treat him like he’s my friend and like I have to be around him. Please?”

I only nodded at his reasoning. I really didn't want to force it on Jimin but I felt like it was unavoidable at some point.

“Now eat your sandwich! You have a busy day! Jeonggukie is gonna take you job hunting around 4:30-ish. In the meantime, I’ll look for pots and stuff after classes so we can have dinner together!”

This is one of the first times I hoped classes were longer. Before I knew it, it was 1pm. The time everyone got a break for lunch.

I was undoubtedly nervous. One dinner with the group and Taehyung was a semi-disaster.

Would lunch be the same? I already confirmed with him that he was able to join us for lunch. What if Jimin changed his mind? What if Taehyung brought up our kiss? I never told Taehyung he couldn't say anything.

As I packed up my things I made sure to do it at a lethargic pace. Maybe I could get hit by a high-speed project from the robotics lab on the way there if I was lucky. I could go to the nurse or something to get out of it.

My slow walk through the campus brought a surprising sense of peace. Though Jimin didn't fully accept Taehyung, he did acknowledge him. It wasn't the best but it was a start.

I’ve felt closer to everyone than I have before. Hoseok, Jeongguk, Yoongi, and even Jimin himself. I felt like maybe him drunkenly telling me those things was a somewhat good thing. It brought a wave of change that I couldn’t help but look at positively. I can and do put myself first now. I don't feel lost or like I'm just existing at Jimin’s side. A soulless husk just wanting a crumb of affection.

As the sun scattered through tree leaves and the afternoon breeze caressed my face I couldn’t help but smile.

I should actually tell Jimin I kissed Taehyung. That was the healthy thing to do, right? I did promise to be more honest. So I would.

“Don't walk into a tree!” A scolding voice made me nearly jump out of my skin.

Letting out a yelp I jumped to the side away from the voice in horror.

“Don’t be loud, Noona. I came to make sure we have a game plan after classes.” Jeongguk looked way too lighthearted for basically making me jump out of my skin.

Of course, it was muscle bunny.

He was casually holding a convenience store spicy pork and black rice lunch box, a few triangle kimbap stacked on top. I never knew how he ate so much.

His doe eyes that nearly sparkled made it hard to be mad at him so I only sighed, walking by his side.

“Right, so do you have any places right off the bat that you’re interested in?” I asked while trying to steady my heart.

“There are a few places in Insadong that we can check out unless you want to stick to Hongdae?”

“We can always check out both, but I feel like Insadong may have more options since Hongdae is student-dense.”

Jeongguk nodded in agreement, “Less competition.”

Once we began to approach the usual spot it was a sight I didn't know I was ready for.

Yoongi’s back to us. Hoseok sitting next to Jimin. Taehyung sitting across from Jimin. No one was arguing, Jimin wasn’t even making a face, just unpacking the food while Hoseok was telling a story to everyone. Once we got into earshot we could hear part of it. A junior in the same class as Hoseok and Jimin was having trouble with memorizing steps.

Yoongi, of course, added his two cents like maybe slowing down for the juniors to which Jimin replied that they tried and he got embarrassed. So they continued brainstorming.

“You could tutor him on an off day, Hyung. I get embarrassed in front of others too. Alone would help more.” Jeongguk nearly dived for the spot across from Hoseok.

I quietly took my spot somewhat between Jimin and Taehyung, right across from Yoongi.

The thing I quickly noticed made me giggle a little. Most of us had convenience store meals. Lunch boxes or kimbap, maybe a bun here or there. All of us but Jimin who had a bowl of tteokbokki. It was stacked too. It had boiled eggs, green onions, fish cake and I swore I saw a dumpling for two in it.

“That is so much.” I giggled at him while opening my tea.

Jimin only smiled at me, “I was hoping to share with you, you usually get sandwiches or kimbap. We can dip them and everything.”

“You can share with me!” Jeongguk teased.

“Like you need more food,” Jimin grumbled deadpan.

I only shook my head at the interaction, “We can share the sandwich is kimchi chicken.” I informed him, moving my sandwich closer to his bowl.

“Did the ajummas bully you into getting something?” Hobi asked before taking a bite of his bun.

“No! I just had breakfast with F/n there this morning and saw this truck when we were there. I wanted some.” Jimin shrugged.

I didn’t remember seeing a tteokbokki truck though. Not even a little. I chose to push that aside for now as I used the toothpick provided to eat a rice cake.

“Well, at least Taehyung didn't betray us by getting actual food.” Jeongguk said dramatically.

“I would never!” Taehyung played along with a boxy smile.

“Hey! I didn’t betray you I was swayed with better benefits.” I defended.

“Which is betrayal.” Yoongi snickered.

“It’s being smart.” Jimin came to my aid, dipping his half of the sandwich in the sauce of the tteokbokki.

“On another note, Seokjin said he may be back sooner than he thought because someone got injured,” Hoseok informed.

“Jin-hyung was the one who got hurt I bet.” Jeongguk smiled.

“He said it wasn't him.” Hoseok chuckled.

“Namjoon didn't go with him so I have no clue,” Yoongi added.

“Leave that poor man alone he’s just trying to live his life peacefully,” I complained in honor of Namjoon.

“I can’t wait to meet them both. You guys talk about them a lot.” Taehyung finally spoke up.

“Yeah, Seokjin is more energetic than Namjoon. He might get along with you more at first, he's pretty blunt though so try not to get offended.” Jimin explained.

I couldn't believe he was actually talking to Taehyung.

“You’ll scare him with that description of Jin!” Yoongi laughed.

“Jin-hyung is goofy don’t worry.” Jeongguk patted Taehyung’s arm in reassurance.

“Jin-oppa would fight you for calling him goofy.” I cringed like he was about to pop out from behind the trees to prove my point.

“Oppa? How old is he?” Taehyung asked curiously.

Jeongguk smirked, “Older than Yoongi-hyung.”

“Why did you say that like I was ancient?” Yoongi took clear offense.

“He was born in ‘92, it’s not a big jump.” Hoseok sighed.

“And Namjoon?”

“Same age as Hope, just a few months apart.” Jimin smiled fondly at the thought of Namjoon.

“He’s more laid-back. Loves nature and poetry. He wants to be a writer and knows multiple languages. He’s pretty dreamy.” I interjected.

Jimin whipped his head to look over at me, “How can you say that in front of me after I got us this?”

“You cannot tell me Namjoon isn't dreamy!” I scoffed.

Jimin seemed to mull over my words, not having an argument. This only caused Hobi to laugh.

“I need to tell him that so he can get shy.” Hobi giggled in mischief as he took out his phone.

“Tell him I said it! I want the brownie points!” I piped up.

“Don’t tell him it was F/n, take all the credit!” Jimin argued.

- Next Chapter (coming soon)

Taglist (you can be added if you ask. I might make something thats easier later like a post you can like to be added. Please check your settings in case you are not getting tagged!): @midiplier @jinnfires @desireesbk @cottonkendi @krystle1990 @toddsgirl27 @jikooksgirl19 @chubsjiminiie @gabbingtoomuch @taintaed @broken-glowsticks

#bts fanfic #bts poly au #bts college au #pjm x reader #kth x reader #Noxious #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #bts angst

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orbleglorb · 10 months

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info post!

pt: info post

hi i'm sasha orbleglorb. i use he/him and they/them with no preference. this post is going to basically be a little intro post/guide to my blog. it has my tag system and stuff for wip wednesday/OC ask games, because i rb a LOT of those. it'll be updated every now and then :]

any palestinian followers can block #cdl to filter out posts about the brutality and genocide in gaza. donation posts and posts about gaza not featuring death and destruction (i.e., culture) will remain unfiltered.

disclaimer(?)

pt: disclaimer (?)

i don't want to call this a DNI, because tbf i don't care if people who don't agree with me follow me. if you pick fights about it, you're getting blocked. but if you are anti-endo, exclusionist (including more "weird" identities like bi lesbian), or feel any type of strong opinions about the proship debate (in literally any way), you will occasionally see things that make you uncomfortable or piss you off. do with that what you will.

interests:

pt: interests:

blaseball (i post about this the most), world religion (i don't rlly post about it much, because people can be weird about it), lost media, my ocs, other ppl's ocs.

tag system

pt: tag system

#undescribed - images without an image ID

#id in alt or #id in alt text - images with the ID in alt text, but nowhere else in the post

#not screenreader friendly - posts that include formatting that is hard or impossible for screenreaders to read. this includes special fonts, even the ones on tumblr. this does not include bold, italic, bigger, or biggest fonts.

#colored text - posts with colored text. as far as i know, colored text is readable by screen readers. but it can cause migranes and be hard to look at, so i have a category for it.

#later gator - posts i have saved for later

#save for later - practical posts i want to reference later

#insert a queue pun here - queue tag

#sasha lore - posts about my personal life & general things happening with me. negative/bad stuff tagged with #rant and #vent

#asks 4 sasha - ask response tag

#eyeball emoji. hey - ask game tag

#orble art insp - posts that inspire me artistically

#orble art ref - art references

#orble art - art tag

#orble writing - writing tag

#blaseball (organizational) - blaseball posts i make that i don't want to maintag, but would like to organize somehow. i do this with multiple fandoms, and they all serve the same purpose.

#firewalker with me friday - every(ish) friday i reblog the song "firewalker with me" by the garages

#sidelined sunday - same as above but with "sidelined" by the garages, every(ish) sunday

#wip wednesday - an ask game where i post my wips & ppl can request snippets (more info below)

#wip wednesday works - snippets of wips i post on wip wednesday

all triggers/content that needs to be censored are tagged without TW or CW in the tag. for instance, anything with transphobia is just tagged #transphobia, anything with flashing lights is just tagged #flashing and #flashing lights.

ask game stuff - OCs, favorite characters, ships, fic wips

pt: ask game stuff - OCs, favorite characters, ships, fic wips

essentially, i reblog a lot of ask games that are about OCs, ships, and WIPs. because i'm a blaseball fan, and blaseball has no canon, i also like it when ppl send blb players for OC asks! so, if you want to send an ask but don't know what to ask about, here's a list of things for when i share those ask games:

👤 OCs 👤

most used/fleshed out ocs (bolded are main characters): alejandro salinas, arthur murphy (that's the only ref i've posted), connor shrapner, diego salinas aguilera, dhia hassan, ezra hoffman, gwen shrapner, hannah abrams, leylo gromit (nee wright), manea, marco salinas rojas, nicostratus dreadful, silas vanderzee, william shrapner, and zach schneider (nee wright)

ocs with a decent amount of lore: amos salinas (nee wright), catalina salinas flores, dolores rojas velásquez (flores), christopher shrapner, callum ferreira-cohen (nee wright), danika murphy, gabriela flores salinas, james voland (nee wright), luke fullmer, martín salinas flores, mallory shrapner, matthew norman, minato kishimoto, opal dreadful, ornias dreadful, penny dreadful, rowan wallace, taylor wallace, timothy "mothy" miller (and dreadful but dw about it), wilbur wright, and valerie schneider

other ocs: aidan thompson, aliyah anderson, margarita salinas castillo, carlos salinas castillo, cecil weaver, camilla salinas rojas, cynthia wright, daniel cohen, gilberto flores martinez, henry milburn, indigo milburn, irene salinas, jackie ong, jessica, josé salinas pérez, maría concepción castillo gonzález de salinas, mei, mercedes aguilera, molly mae wright, nicole murphy, oliver wright, peter wright, rory wright, sergio ferreira, tristan, wendy ong, and zellie anderson

‼️ Favorite Characters ‼️

blorbos that are basically my ocs: conditional yuniesky (i call him yuniesky torres), chester abu-zaid (nadeem abu-zaid and his service dog, chester), fletcher berger

blorbos that are not basically my ocs, but i have a lot of lore for them that others do not: parker macmillan, megan ito, new megan ito, clare ballard, mike townsend, tillman henderson, declan suzanne, lenjamin lin, flattery strewnberry

💞 Ships (and some characters): 💞

Here!

🖊 WIPs: 🖊

fic wips: every other wednesday i do a little thing called wip wednesday, where i share a list of my wips and ppl can request a snippet of each wip. the most recent wip files post (which will be tagged as #wip wednesday) will be the most reliable for this.

#pinned post

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recentadultburnout · 1 year

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The difference between Thai and the English sub Pt.6 (ep.6)

เอะอะก็งอน

เอะอะ's literal meaning is to make a noise, to raise a hue and cry, to be boisterous, but as a slang-ish expression, เอะอะก็ means whatever comes next is an action or choice that the one they refer to usually takes.

งอน mean sulk, pout, mad, touchy

ไอ้ซื่อบื้อ = stupid, fool, idiot

I saw someone explain how the Chinese "silly egg" is quite a soft swear word, and I want to say that "ai seu beu" is also quite soft.

คือมึงจูบกูเพราะมึงอยากให้กูลืมไอ้เบนเนี่ยนะ

This sentence is almost word for word except for the last word, "เนี่ยนะ-nia na." Nia na is like, "That's it?"; "Seriously?"; "Really?"

สิ่งที่มีความรู้สึก

ความรู้สึก is feeling

นี่พ่อมึงใช้ให้มึงไปเป็นบอดี้การ์ดให้ลูกเจ้านายมันอ๋อ

The word that got translated to "told" is ใช้. ใช้ is more "used," but, like, that is a quite normal choice of word for us. It gives a bit more of a negative feeling compared to the other choice, but is still a normal one.

She also calls Chanon "มัน-man," which is the default translation for it in an English-to-Thai translation. It's quite rude. Since her entire way of speaking is rude, it is not out of place, but I like that she calls him "it" in this scene.

ทางฝั่งนั้นน่ะเขาก็ไม่ได้คิดถึงมึงอะไรมากมายหรอก = That side also won't think much about you.

มีอะไรก็บอกตรงๆ = If there is something(in your mind), tell me directly.

นี่การที่มึงมาอยู่กับกูอะ ทำให้มึงต้องใช้ชีวิตอย่างหวาดระแวงขนาดนี้เลยเหรอวะ = Is coming to live with me making you have to live so paranoid to this extent?

Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.5

INDEX

#never let me go the series #TH&ENsub

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how-are-those-maggots · 2 years

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So I've got an idea I've been toiling around in my head for a while now...

I scrapbook like a lot, I love it, and I seem to have a knack for it.

What I've been thinking about though, is would you guys be interested in buying small(ish) scrapbooks?

Like I would take four requests at a time, finish them within a week or so, then ship it to ya.

You could request specific pictures printed off and added to the scrapbook, if you'd want to be involved in the scrapbook you could send me pictures of yourself to add to it, or just leave it to me to pick the pictures to add.

You could have it themed off of any character from The Lost Boys, or all of the main characters, or everyone in general.

Want one with just Marko? You got it!

Want one with Paul and Dwayne? You got it!

Star and Michael? Yep!

David and his noodles? Definitely!

The Frog brothers? Sure thing!

Sexy saxophone guy? Alrighty!

Anyways this is just an idea, I have no idea what I'd charge, or if I'll even try doing it.

But if this is something you'd be interested in, let me know. Your encouragement might just convince me.

EXAMPLES OF MY SCRAPBOOKING BELOW.

(First post I made about my Lost Boys scrapboard)

(Second post I made about my Lost Boys scrapboard)

(A scrapbook im working on revolved around the band Type O Negative. Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3)

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mythvoiced · 2 months

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-. wenzhe-core (pt. 5) SPECIAL EDITION: yu qianru-core

tol wifey

[insert] protection squad president, she will start shit on your behalf

not easily flustered or embarrassed or is she just very good at hiding it

don't hit on her just be direct she doesn't like weird verbal flirting (she likes joking around and playing and the kind of flirting that is also yknow FUN but finding pick up lines and setting them up and then acting all smug, BLEAH)

mechanical engineer baybay

very good with her hands, very sexy hands

somehow acespec but the jury's still out on how exactly

very efficient, annoyingly efficient, if you're the kind of person who likes to tease folks or learn something with someone don't do it with her because she'll roll her sleeves up and Figure It Out

if you see a tall girl carrying the backbags of several other people that's her

she's chivalrous but less in a 'allow me to woo you' kind of way but more in a 'give that to me GIVE-'

very bad at handing off responsibility she's either gotta do everything on her own or you have to RIP it out of her hands

excessively competitive but not actually at anyone's expense, it's about? proving something to herself? she loves challenges, she LOVES personal challenges, she's Very Intense actually

if you're scared of dating women who are boyfriends don't ask her out

she knows wenzhe is bisexual she's known him almost all her life and she's very confident in her own queerness and he's so fucking obvious

nothing gets her going as much as correcting a figure of authority does

wenzhe may seem slightly Out Of His Boots but qianru is the one you actually have to look out for

she's not even all that deranged she just refuses to make herself 'bite-sized' for people and wears her neurodivergency TITS OUT

gosh they would have been THE audhd couple of the year

wenzhe recognized he was crushing on her sometime in high-school and repressed that shit so fast

i will NOT TALK ABOUT HER DEATH i am maKING MYSELF SAD

probably panromantic or demiromantic

i am not sure if qianru was also romantically interested in wenzhe, she certainly adores him in a vibrantly queerplatonic way and if they idea was 'spend the rest of my life with him' she'd say 'yes' but is it romantic?

she actually also knows EXACTLY who his male crush in high school was, she knows exactly, she was sitting around him and he'd get these sparkly eyes straight out of a shoujo whenever the guy would walk in

she knows way too much about that guy as a result because she kind of stalked him to figure out if he's any good

i was not joking when i said she's the one you actually have to look out for

she had to stop when people started spreading rumours SHE was into him because she could see the negative visceral reaction that had on wenzhe and fuck

between the two of them, wenzhe's??? softer????

qianru doesn't like people 'protecting her' or 'looking out for her' she likes small gestures of kindness but doesn't like when people try to fight her fights or underestimate her ability to fight her own so she really rarely reaches out and often even backtracks when she does

she prefers being the one Who Looks Out and she's Very protective of wenzhe

from an outsiders perspective, if you met them casually, wenzhe is a relatively relaxed extroverted kind of guy with a bit of a bitch-face when he thinks no one's watching him who's always poking and prodding at her, whereas qianru seems like a relatively introverted bookworm-ish kind of girl who brushes him off with tsundere vibes

in REALITY wenzhe's mental health has a always been a little more on the fragile side of things, he gets in his head a lot, has a noteworthy amount of misplaced resentment, and this really tires him out so his relaxed is usually just mentally exhausted, his extroversion is partly an act to help him mask, and he only pokes and prods at qianru because he's comfortable with her

and QIANRU is quiet because she isn't particularly verbal, she can absolutely pop off given the right conversation topic but her quietness is not meek or submissive, she just... doesn't talk a lot, and that is commonly associated with bookworm-ish shy characters, which qianru is not, she's a very active person, she likes hiking and trying out sports sitting somewhere, reading is not for her, and she is the absolute opposite of a tsundere, she's very direct with her feelings, it's just her way to tease wenzhe back

also i'm not saying oh, you can fuck with her just don't touch her friends, no bro, don't fuck with her either, she's also her own very best friend don't do it man

wenzhe needs qianru more than qianru needs wenzhe, wenzhe needs qianru in his life, qianru wants wenzhe in her life

if you've read this far and went HMM qianru is a lil similar to hyun, well that's the thought i got but consider this: hyun is aggressive, not violent, but her stuff is aggressive, qianru is 'simply' direct, yknow? hyun will weaponize brutal honest, qianru will not tell you shit that doesn't have to be said, and well that's another post anyways lmao

also hyun will not take one for the team but YOU KNOW WHO WILL? qianru, qianru is the head of the team, she comes up with the crazy plans, she's the one who suggested breaking and entering to retrieve balls as a child, a classic qianru line is 'i have a plan'

#;ooc #the guilty;about #putting this post together because i want to really develop her bc gosh i am Obsessed with these two #i have made a grave mistake--!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i had to copy paste chivalrous from google btw i can't SPELL THAT WORD WHO MADE IT--#oh my :eyesemoji: at someone writing qianru still stands WE CAN THROW THIS POST IN THE TRASH TOO NO WORRIES #i don't typically publicly daydream about someone writing an npc from my bozos but gosh IT'S?? gOSH YOU KNOW #they've got a HOLD ON ME--#;queue

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shedoesntrememberthebridge · 2 years

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Status Uptade: December 4th, 2022 12:17 pm

Wow, long time no see. Almost a full year later from the last one. Quick breakdown of what’s changed in the past year. I’ve reconnected with my dad and talk to him on a weekly ish basis, I’m still on the dance team but i’m in my final year of high school and the senioritis is incredibly strong, i’ve become less secure with my sexuality and learned a lot about myself in the process, so progress even if it’s negative, i have a new job! i still work at hollister, they forgot i was seasonal but kept me anyways, but now i work at Dutch Bros, and i absolutely love my job as a barista, i plan on quitting my job at hollister after this holiday season due to the competitive dance season starting and my team will be traveling to compete at this massive competition in florida which i’m really excited for. I do need to apply to colleges still but i haven’t had the time. On a sadder note my depression has come in much stronger waves since summer, it started in june because i had lost my grandmother, i’d never lost anyone before and even though i hadn’t seen her in 10 years it hurt to know i’ll never be able to see her again. at the same time my dad was in the hospital on the other side of the world because he tried to be with my yiayiá in her final moments but missed it by an hour and one of the valves from his triple bypass had collapsed. after then my birthday came around and it just sucked, that day i shattered the back of my phone and just dealt with some very negative demons. then school had started a week later and i had to miss my last first day due to a really bad illness. This gained me no sympathy from my teammates and they blamed me for not being there saying my sickness was an ‘excuse’. From there on out it was a pretty downhill slope, my family life just kept getting worse, my best friend graduated from my school the prior spring and life became harder going through all of these problems without her, we ended up going through a really bad rough patch where we didn’t talk for about a month and a half. we were able to repair this thank god. Whilst we weren’t talking i became close with another team mate of mine who had gone through the same event with her best friend so it was just nice to have someone understand. sometimes i regret getting close to her and i love this girl but i say this because she’s got extremely toxic tendencies, it’s become more noticeable over time but she only seems to defend me when im not there to defend myself or there’s something in it for her. although that’s not always true that pretty much what it’s been like recently. it doesn’t help that she’s one of three captains as well, even though she isn’t close with the other two captains and chooses to rant to me. These past two weeks have been the worst of it, this past week was the one year anniversary of a really negative event in her life so it involved a lot of weird anger being taken out on me, to name a specific event me, her, and two others had been talking about photos being shared between all of the team the used the cover of a school project for a third party and i said i wish they had told me the truth so i could’ve provided more photos that weren’t of a professional sense. they immediately started raising their voices saying that i was a loud mouth and would’ve told the team etc… i had to shout over her to say my piece which was “i wish you would’ve told me so i could’ve sent you more stuff privately, i wouldn’t have told the team if you would’ve asked me not to” and i know it’s stupid to ask for something as simple as this but it was one of the bigger piles of dust i had been sweeping under the rug. The other two captain’s genuinely have done nothing but emotionally torn me down which is just adding to the dirty laundry. hold up. pt 2 coming

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tonyglowheart · 2 years

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test results from monday finally came back, I'm double neg, babeyy

#personal #yeah I already got tested last thurs but I was like... uh... incubation times idk??#but yeah.. neg again #I mean. who knows what might have happened in the meantime but like at least most of that Ive been doing w my family #which would be my main pt of concern as far as like. spreading it goes #like weve been doing the same-ish things i mean

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my-wayward-son · 2 years

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A Rant about Things

TW for mental health talk.

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So. I haven't updated this blog in a while. I'm sorry. I've been posting a few health/life updates to the other blog along with my creative content, so if you follow me over there, you know how things have generally been going, which is... spotty.

Here's the latest conundrum:

My roommate (the one who's kind of head of household) had surgery for severe kidney stones in mid-November. She was way out of commission, in a ton of pain, advised by her doctor not to bend over, the whole nine yards. The surgery... didn't exactly work out as planned. (I completely understand this; my colectomy last year had me in the hospital approx. a week longer than originally quoted, tons of complications, etc.). But when she was still spending all day in bed going on a month later... I couldn't help being a little... perturbed, I guess? Even after my colectomy, for which I had an epidural, for fuck's sake, the nurses had me up and walking the halls of my ward before I was conscious enough to remember doing it. I was on this really strict PT/physical recovery plan, and there's kind of something to be said for it. Everybody's different, and I probably shouldn't be making comparisons, but... IDK.

Then, around December 10-ish, I came down with this awful fever. Urgent Care was necessary, rapid COVID and flu tests negative, UTI diagnosed, antibiotics prescribed. I went to see my GP, and she thought I probably had a virus as well, like rhinovirus or similar, as I'm immunosuppressed (low IGG, H&H, etc.). I spent a good 4 or 5 days completely blitzed and unable to stay awake because my body was really confused and expending so much energy attacking the illness. Now it's going on 3 weeks later, and I'm still not 100%. My J tube feeding rate is at 33 (my usual is 60), so I'm getting about half my normal amount of nutrition, as well as missing out on a good deal of fluid intake. My head is perma throbbing, maybe due to dehydration, and maybe because I've outgrown/become immune to my migraine and headache preventatives. My neuro is trying to get me on something else, but insurance is still pondering (Happy Holidays, everybody). I'm still having flashes of fever/nausea/lightheadedness. I hate it.

To make matters worse, I had a serious issue with my J tube around Thanksgiving (the inner balloon failed, and it became non-functional for several days). Since it was replaced, the stoma has been weeping bile around the neck of the tube. Even though I've been coating the area in basically every barrier cream I can find, it's created a huge chemical burn that hurts like mad, especially when I bend over. It seeps through gauze, tube pads, and my shirts, requiring changes multiple times a day. The tube was kind of poorly placed using an old fashioned technique and a peg, so to some extent there's nothing we can do about it, but this is an unacceptable situation for long-term living. I see GI in late January. We're seeing about moving it up, but that's probably not possible.

With my current health situation, I've been really frustrated with, well, life. I don't do well with not doing well, and physical pain/discomfort tends to bring on issues with mental health (hopelessness, etc.). I have some past trauma that happened in conjunction with physical illness, so that kind of makes me feel, like, desperate? Like if I can't feel better right now, I never will, and I may as well give up? I know that attitude is incredibly unhelpful to me and everyone/everything in the household, and I feel really guilty for having it. It puts me in a bad mood and makes me teary and exhausted and reclusive.

Additionally, with the current health situation (and the holidays, people coming over, etc.) I've been falling way behind on my obligations and chores. DD has been picking up my slack, which has been super unfair, since she does basically everything else around the house as well. The roommates generally refuse to do anything anywhere anytime, including preparing their own food, doing their own laundry, feeding their own pets, throwing away their own trash... the list could go on. (One of them works full time and is in the beginning stages of college, and the other, well, is pretending to still be incapacitated post-surgery.). Sorry for my judgement. I think it would be reasonable (tell me if I'm totally off base, here) if the kidney stone roommate could pick up a few gentle tasks, like emptying the drainer basket beside the sink (this can be done completely from a standing position) and picking up recyclables from the living room sofa (um... yeah... that's a thing that actually has to be done). But, no. It's a pipe dream.

I'm working on a daily schedule/chore chart for myself so I can 'do better' whilst also writing in my weekly lab draws, ballet class (assuming I have enough energy), and the appointments with cardiology, neuro, GI, urology, derm, the GP, etc. I am really grateful to DD and the roommates for allowing me the time and providing support to manage my health. I'd honestly probably not be alive if I still lived alone-- I wouldn't have known what symptoms needed urgent medical attention or how to ensure I got everything I require to stay healthy. Not that I'm especially healthy rn...

Let me put the home situation another way, just to show how nuts it is. The kidney stone roommate never, ever says hello to me first. She claims she does, and that I ignore her, but I know I don't, because I literally had to learn how to socialize (autistic kid who formerly lived alone, remember?). I purposefully say 'hi' to her when she comes downstairs from bed in the morning (usually afternoon). She generally yawns in reply, with a few random speech sounds mixed in. I think it's rude. She usually plops somewhere, and I'm usually rushing around picking things up trying not to offend her that my stuff/the kids' stuff is in her way. She never asks how I am or how I'm feeling, even though my health has been shit. I quite literally walk into the living room each evening with a box and ask for her to put her empty bottles and cans (soda and flavored water, usually) in it so I can walk it outside to the recycling bin. Sometimes she can't find/reach them all and I find them in the morning hiding between the couch cushions.

All of this happens on the daily, and we're all still on 'good' terms. We're all taking our assorted pharmaceuticals to stay an even enough keel. I'm trying to lay off the sedatives and build up my energy level during the day. Focus more. Play with the kids. Cuddle the cats. But life is fucking hard. Sometimes I'm banging my head against the wall, and sometimes I'm quite content to take a breath and work on the laundry with the dog pinning me between the basket and the wall.

My kid is having a fit right now, and we're going to see Spider-Man at the theater this afternoon. That about sums it all up. I'm sorry. Thanks for listening.

#life update #mental health tw #mental health #tubie #gastroparesis #complaining #physical health #health update #home situation

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nephilimsarchive · 5 years

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If only you knew (pt.3) | Arthur Fleck x reader smut

Summary: You hadn’t seen him in a while after your last meeting, but fate always seemed to find away to bring you together.

Note: im so sorry this took so long, hope you like it!

Warnings: nsfw content under the cut, don’t read if you are under 18, lots of swearing, unprotected sex, public-ish sex

Word Count: 4937

Read the first part here.

Second part here.

Arthur woke up early the next morning, slowing adjusting to his surroundings as sunlight shone into his eyes. You had been on his mind all night long. He could see you so vividly, soft (h/c) hair falling onto your shoulders, lidded (e/c) eyes staring up at him through flushed cheeks, and that breathtaking smile. You had absolutely bewitched him, occupying every second of his dreams since nightfall.

He was so caught up with the image in his head that only then he noticed that the bed he was laying in wasn’t his, and the weight on his left shoulder wasn’t usually there. He lazily turned his head, wanting to savor every second of this marvelous dream. His jaw collided with something soft, eyes shooting open at the realization.

He was awake. And you were there. With him.

His arm was slung around you, hand on your waist, cuddling as if you were lovers. Soft breaths made their way past your plump lips, the expression on your face one of pure peacefulness. He had wanted to fight the urge to kiss you, but ended up gently pecking the top of your head anyway. Try as he might, he couldn’t escape his emerging feelings for you. Actually, they were growing with every minute he spent gazing at your sleeping form, drawing small circles on your waist with his thumb. He had never met anyone quite like you, and it was scaring him. Never had he been exposed to such kindness, you didn’t judge him like so many other people did. Then again …you didn’t know about his condition, you didn’t know much about him at all. Neither did he, you could have a boyfriend, or worse - a husband. You didn’t know he was earning money as a clown, and you didn’t know how damn much he adored you after one single night. What if this was nothing but fun to you?

A bitter feeling spread through his chest at the thought, but his lips curved into a smile. Oh, he knew what was coming, and how much he hated it.

He tried to untangle himself from your embrace swiftly, making you shift and sigh. His chest heaved as laughter bubbled up inside him. “Stay.”, he heard you mumble, voice sleepy. Lips tightly shut he ignored your plea, making his heart ache. He picked up his clothes as quickly as he could, trying to get out before he could startle you with one of his uncontrollable fits. Getting into his pants he clasped his hand in front of his mouth, cursing his illness for what must be the millionth time. He would’ve loved to spend more time laying with you, it was too early to even stay up. But he’d be damned if he woke you up with this, seeing the horror in your face as you’d surely question your decision to spend the night with him - or even talk to him at all. Unwanted laughter escaped him even before exiting your flat, and he could only hope you didn’t hear.

If Arthur leaving your side didn’t wake you up yet, the door falling shut after hearing him chortle surely did. You turned onto your back drowsily, tired eyes staring at the ceiling while you pondered if you should’ve gone after him. But you didn’t. Instead you were lying awake, at 5 in the morning.

—

The days since Arthurs and your last meeting were fairly uneventful. In fact, you hadn’t seen or heard from him at all. Whenever you were at university Arthur was home, and whenever he was at work you were back. One day you were sure you had heard him in his flat, but your knock on the door had been ignored. Some people would say he is trying to avoid you at all costs, and frankly, they’d be correct.

Now, he didn’t at all intend to be like this, but to say he was overwhelmed with the whole situation would be an understatement. There were so many questions and emotions in his head that he had to sort out. When he entered his flat that morning he swore to himself that he’d find a way to explain his condition, and that he only left because he didn’t want to disturb you. He’d say that he’s absolutely smitten with you, for plenty of reasons, and then he’d ask you out.

In his head, he played out this scene a thousand times. He thought about what to wear, and thought about whether he should give you chocolates or flowers. But when it actually came to doing what he had planned, something held him back. Even though he knew you tried to reach out to him, years of negative experiences of not being cared for discouraged him. Not to mention the fact that Arthur never had any sort of romantic relationship, and thus only could try to impress you with what he had seen on TV.

Penny had noticed immediately that something within him changed as he came back that morning. He had told her about you, of course not in more detail than necessary, and she knew how much he felt for you with the way he spoke. His eyes shone as bright as stars and the corners of his mouth curved upwards whenever your name was mentioned. She saw him then, standing in front of the small mirror in his bedroom, in that outfit he had laid out days ago, fixing his hair.

No doubt he was going through what he wanted to say to you in his head. “Happy.”, she exclaimed, the tone of her voice soothing “Just go, she’ll say yes.”.

He saw his mothers reflection through the mirror, pondering what she said. Then he thought about you, about how accomplished he would feel if he did this - a smile crept across his face. He kissed Pennys forehead and strutted out of the flat.

—

A small box of chocolates was stowed in his bag as his hand reached out to one of the buttons of the elevator, then to his hair to smooth it out. He had saved up for the occasion, not enough to buy one of those fancy golden packages with more flavors you could count, but a decent one nonetheless.

Just then you were coming back home, your (f/c) dress flowing in the breeze, feeling shivers run down your legs. Having to pick up a pace as you saw the elevator doors sliding shut, you were barely able to squeeze through the remaining gap.

And there he stood. Arthur.

His hair was perfectly in place, he wore black dress pants, a jacket and beneath that a simple white button up. Truthfully, he looked amazing. Both of you were surprised at whose company you found yourselves with. You wanted to ask him whether you had done something wrong, whether you had pressured him into something he didn’t want. You wanted to make him feel like he can talk to you, trust you even. Anything that sounded like you weren’t as hurt by his behavior.

But no words made it past your lips. You just stood there, staring blankly at the elevator doors.

Arthur couldn’t believe his eyes as you had stepped in. Your hair was up in a ponytail, a few thin strands had fallen out because of the wind. A pretty (f/c) dress ended just above your knees, showing off your gorgeous figure in all the right places. You looked like an angel. Beautiful, intimidatingly so.

He had expected you to say something, but you stayed mute. The seconds went by agonizingly slow as his hands grew sweaty around the handles of the tiny bag he was carrying. Before, you were so wonderfully outgoing and open with him, and now he had rendered you to this state.

Only then he noticed how you must’ve blamed yourself for his actions.

Even the tiniest scratching sound the elevator made seemed louder than usual, when suddenly it came to the same unsteady halt the elevator always made, signaling that you would be up soon.

Something inside Arthur switched, there was no way he was going to let this stupid elevator, or his stupid illness destroy what he had spent all week preparing and rehearsing. He knew he’d regret if he let you walk away. So, without thinking twice, his elbow crashed onto the emergency button. You jumped, shrieking in shock as the machine stopped any movement completely, lights turning off. A dim lightbulb flickered to life - you could barely make out Arthur. He was walking towards you in the strobing light, determination in his eyes that you had only seen from him once before. He stood in front of you, bringing his hands to your cheeks before pulling you in to kiss you deeply.

As your lips touched his you felt complete again. He lingered on the softness of your skin, but broke away too soon. The kiss hadn’t been long, but held emotions words cannot convey. Gently, he rested his forehead against yours. A blush surely would have been visible on your cheeks if the lighting was better. He opened his eyes to find you looking up at him, the wild look in his eyes was gone as quickly as it came. As if he was constantly between stuck two extremes, an angel and a devil on his shoulders.

„I’m so, so sorry.“, he whispered, „I never meant to make you feel bad, or ignore you.“ Cautiously, he took your small hands into his, rubbing circles over your knuckles with his thumb, thankful that you didn’t pull back.

He told you about his condition, about his doubts, and about the fact that no matter how hard he tried to fight it, there is always a part of him that thinks he isn’t deserving of the affection you gave him - or that you simply didn’t mean it. He explained that he left so his illness wouldn’t ruin the one thing that seems to bring a sense of happiness to his life. You. He meant you.

You felt tears forming in your eyes, both from feeling honored and not wanting to hear him talk about himself like that. A staggering amount of - dare you say love? - built up inside your chest. He noticed your tears, and just like that all of his personal worries were replaced by concern for you.

„Are you alright?“, he asked. You nodded and pulled him into a hug, savoring his closeness as he ran his hand down your back soothingly. Stroking his cheek with your thumb, you glanced into his eyes, “Don’t you dare even for one second think that I’m just playing with you, or that you don’t deserve love.“, you brushed away your tears, voice growing more and more steady with each of your words, „You’re the most kind-hearted man I’ve ever met. I like you for you, I like how much you try to always do the right thing. I love hearing you laugh, I love being close to you. I don’t care if you’re older than me, or if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. There’s something incredibly romantic about that, actually. And I couldn’t be any happier that you trust me enough to let me be your first..“.

A short silence engulfed you. Then he beamed, a genuine expression of joy on his clean-cut face. „If that‘s the case.. There is something I‘ve been wanting to, uh, ask you anyway.“. He stepped back attentively, picking up an item you hadn’t noticed was there. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he looked you over and began „Y/N.“, another big breath, „I have never expected to meet anyone who is as nice to me as you have been.“, his certainty crumbled for a second, then he smiled again. „You are the most stunning woman I have ever laid my eyes on, and I‘d be more than honored if you wanted to go out with me.“, shaky hands handed you a box of chocolates, which - to his luck - was your favorite candy.

Contemplating whether he messed up the small text he had come up with his stare was fixated onto the ground before him, too shy to be able to see the grin on your face. You adored how much effort he put into this. It was obvious how much he was trying to do this properly, after your rather unconventional start.

You stepped closer to him, tilting his chin up with your fingers. „Of course, Arthur. I‘d love to.“, you said, pecking him on his lips sweetly. Pulling back, you studied his features, breathing in his scent as he held you close. The look in his eyes was soft and loving, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “You have no idea how handsome you are, do you?”, you stroked his hair absentmindedly. The response to your question was an alarmingly red blush on his cheeks, his eyes blown wide. He had never, ever gotten complimented on his looks before. You giggled and pressed a kiss onto his nose.

You stood like that for a while before you took a step backwards. You properly assessed the situation; you were stuck, and had no idea when any help would show up. Arthur seemed to realize that, too. “Well, what are we going to do now?”, you queried, looking around you for inspiration, and finding none. “We can’t have our first real date in a brittle elevator.” He laughed at that, leaning onto one of the walls, his arms crossed. Looking you over he licked his lips subconsciously. Being with you made him feel much more secure in so many ways. Above all, he felt like he could fully be himself. To the extent that it brought out parts of Arthur not even he himself had known until then. A cocky smirk lit up his face. “I’d have an idea.”

You raised your eyebrows while he was taking off his jacket, throwing it into a corner. You were fully aware what he was talking about, but ready to challenge him. “Oh?”, you hushed, propping yourself up on the wall opposite him, “And what might that be?”. His long fingers rolled up his sleeves, keeping his eyes on you.

The grin on his face never faltered while he took two big confident steps towards you, placing one of his hands next to your head. Heat radiated off him in waves as he stood in front if you, towering over your smaller form and tilting up your chin just like you had before. “I don’t think you’re in the position to act coy, little one.”, he growled, peeling you out of your coat „In fact, last time you made the naughtiest of sounds for me.“.

The way he spoke sent shivers down your spine, and he knew that.

His hand reached your waist as his head moved to your neck, he trailed kisses from the shell of your ear to your neck, sliding down a strap of your dress to reach that certain spot on your shoulder.

He had paid attention, taking note of every tiny detail that made you melt under his hands. When he drew back you grabbed his collar, crashing your lips onto his. Desire and hunger controlled you as your tongues danced. Arthur took complete control of the kiss, unspoken permission in each of your gasps. His kisses were desperate, verging on starvation as he bucked his hips against you. You moaned at the contact, hands tangled into his hair, which - combined with your dress sliding up your legs ever so slightly - resulted in a low hum from your lover.

His cock was hard as he ground himself against you, a familiar wetness spreading between your legs. He shifted, tilting his head to test out new angles, tasting you until you finally broke away.

“Arthur..”, your voice sounded alien to yourself. He had you wrapped around his finger in no time, and he loved it. Just once, he did what he wanted, not thinking about the consequences. His eyes travelled over your body, lingering on your chest. The buttons that held your dress closed over your breast were tensioning with every breath you took. The motion of your chest rising and falling provoked him to slither his fingers up your hip to your stomach. Feeling his knuckles ghost over your hardened nipples you released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You watched as delicate fingers popped open one button after the other, not daring to move. A sharp intake of breath rang in the silence of the room when it was just enough for him to be able to see your bra.

He took in the sight before him. Red laces graced your full cleavage, the fabric tensing over your nipples while you rubbed your thighs against each other subconsciously. Noticing your doings he pushed a knee between your legs, keeping them apart.

„Tsk, tsk.“, he scolded, „So impatient, so eager.“ His left hand pinched your nipple, making you whimper in delight. Slender fingers brushed under the edge of the lacy cloth, exposing you to him as his right hand began kneading your other breast. He came even closer to you, intentionally brushing his leg along your slit. „Patience“, he had said, „is a virtue.“ You shivered at how sultry and controlling he sounded, but his antics were a double edged sword. His lips came down, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your breasts. You arched your back, feeling his stiff member twitch as he left little bites and marks. His hands wandered over your body freely this time, not holding back whatsoever. Becoming aware of the cold air on your skin you groaned out his name again.

„Hmm?“, his voice vibrated against your sensitive skin as he groped your breasts. A wicked grin was on his face as he drew back, pupils blown wide. He cocked his head to the side. „What is it that you want, kitten?“ The nickname he chose went straight to your clit. Even though you felt powerless to his touch, you loved this side of him, and you wanted to show him just that. He was confident, dominating, and so very sexy. If all he wants is for you to say it, then you damn will. You held his stare confidently, biting your lip as you tried to sound as seductive as you could „I want to suck you off.“

Your request caught him off guard and pulled him back into reality. For a second, he couldn’t phantom how you wanted to put his pleasure before yours. All of his thoughts were wiped away as he saw you drop to your knees before him.

Rubbing your hands against the cloth of his pants his breathing accelerated. His eyes were glued to your movements, hardened member reacting to every little of your touches. The noise of his belt unbuckling sounded horribly erotic in your presence, aching cock finally freed. You took him into your hands, gently stroking at first. He was rock hard, like steel wrapped in silk. Precum leaked at the tip of his member and you licked your lips. Holding the base of his cock, you looked up at him through your eyelashes as you gave a long lick along his shaft. Arthur shuddered and moaned, throwing his head back in the process. Finally taking him into your mouth his hips bucked towards you, his body reacting on its own accord.

A string of curses, praises and your name fell from his parted lips, fueling your need to pleasure him. You picked up a pace, running your skilled tongue along the lower side of his member. “Fuck, Y/N.”, he rasped, his words laced with pleasure. One of his hands grabbed your ponytail, “That feels so good, babygirl.”

In any other moment he would’ve felt awkward about the way he was talking to you, using phrases and names he had picked up elsewhere. But right then, he didn’t give a shit about anything other than the way those pretty lips of yours felt wrapped around his cock.

You felt him thrust into your mouth, juices pooling between your legs. You wanted release, wanted to touch yourself to loosen the ever tightening knot in your stomach. But you didn’t, and instead focused on Arthur alone. He was sweating, panting and rocking his hips towards you cautiously. You knew he was probably trying to hold back, scared of hurting you. So you looked up at him, waiting for him to return your gaze. When he did, you met his thrusts, deepthroating him until you felt your nose touch his pelvis. A strangled roar escaped him as he was completely overwhelmed with the wet muscles engulfing him. The grip on your hair tightened as you kept him in your mouth. Tears strung in the corner of your eyes, then you finally released him with a loud pop.

The way you stared up at him then was intoxicating, disheveled hair, perky tits falling out of your bro, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to him. Usually, he would have been concerned about the gagging sounds you had been making, unsure about how watery your eyes looked. But his mind was hazy, smothered with immense pleasure.

His hands on your face guided you up, craving your touch too much to let you go for long. You stood in front of him while he - with a surprising amount of carefulness - wiped away the tears that had formed in your eyes, brushing away a loose strand of hair. You could make out the ghost of a smile on his face before his lips were on yours again. He begged for entrance impatiently, groaning as he tasted himself on your tongue. His hands suddenly grabbed your bottom, bringing you up against the wall as you gasped. Your dress hiked up, pooling around your hips. One of your hands searched the surface of the railing to hold onto, pushing yourself closer to him.

You were thankful for the way he was holding you, not having to worry about keeping yourself up as his erection pressed onto you. You rocked your hips towards him involuntarily. Arthur moaned at how soaked you were, his breathing getting progressively heavier. The thin layer of the underwear you wore was the only thing separating him from your aching core. He pulled away from the kiss he had ben roughly holding, staring at you like he was admiring his prey.

He freed one of his hands, slowly moving it to your panties. Rubbing teasingly slow circles over your most sensitive area he cooed, “Shit, little one. So wet for me, hm?”. You nodded obediently and his fingers immediately moved faster. “That’s right, Y/N.“, a tingling sensation built in your stomach at the pressure of his fingers, just enough to have you go crazy, not enough to get you off. He must’ve sensed your desperation. „You want me to fuck you?” He demanded, knowing the answer fully well.

„Yes, please.“, you breathed wantonly.

“Good girl”, he praised, tearing off your panties and ripping them in the process. You shrieked, pleasure and shock in your voice as his boldness made you feel hotter with every passing second. You held onto him for dear life as he rubbed the tip of his painfully hard member against you.

He pushed himself inside then, both of your moans filled the small room immediately. Going slow at first he pulled out of you completely before slamming back into you with full force. You screamed at the inseparable mixture of pain and pleasure, the knot inside you pulling tighter with each of his thrusts. The feeling of him inside you was better than anything you had ever experienced. Arthur was panting, „Fuck, Y/N. Just like that.“. His endurance was rising with his need to please you. He was pounding into you like a machine, steady and forceful. Working your body flawlessly, he brought you closer and closer to the edge. By now you were moaning an incoherent mess of words, but Arthur loved it. Fuck, it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. Determination boosted through him, wanting to feel you come undone for him. „Argh!… Ar… Arthur!“, he could make out his name between lustful groans, „I’m going to..“

You couldn’t finish you sentence before the knot in your stomach exploded, a feral scream breaking through you. Pleasure was seeping through your whole body in waves, filling you with far more sensations than you were possibly able to process. Arthur shuddered at the sound, not once stopping his motions. The picture in front of him was the most appealing thing he had ever seen. He rode you through your orgasm, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty face, all of his focus on you.

Arthurs hips slowed down at some point, and you started shaking from the way he was keeping you in your position, forcing you to endure the endless mixture of pleasure and torture he brought upon you. „Ah, Arthur. I..“, you tried to voice how intense this feeling was, how you felt your juices drip already, but you couldn’t. He wanted to keep up the expression of pleased desire and nonexistent self-control in your eyes. Hell, if it was his choice he’d always see you exactly like this. Legs spread, shivers raking over every inch of your body, his name on your lips, pleading him.

Gradually, you came down from your high, but you didn’t get too far.

By now he was more than willing to find out just how much he can unravel you. Oh, he was zealous. His firm cock was still inside you, feeling your hot walls clench around him as he kept up his motions. Slowing down to an agonizing velocity, he pulled himself in and out, driving you insane as a new orgasm built up inside of you.

You almost felt dizzy as his fingers found your clit again, drawing circular motions on your swollen bud. Your mind was clouded with arousal, it almost felt as if you were watching the whole scene from afar. His thumb felt deliciously rough against your slippery skin, your eyes meeting his as he opened his mouth to speak. „I want you..“, he whispered as he continued penetrating you a little faster, moving to your neck and biting, „To come for me, again.“

You trembled in both fear and anticipation as he dominated you. He pounded into you harder again, building up a reckless speed. You were unable to grasp a single clear thought, the overstimulation taking over your body. And your body did what it only could, it reacted, it obeyed. Your back arched as one of his thrusts left you seeing stars, hitting your g-spot. Without inhibition you were calling his name, as he hit that devilish spot over and over again.

His breathing got more and more ragged, nonetheless he kept up the motions on your clit, slamming himself into you with all the force he could muster. Heavy-lidded eyes gazed at him as he repeated your name, both of you getting alarmingly close to the release. He lost the rhythm he had been keeping up, heartbeat soaring through his chest as he paid attention to his hand on your soaked cunt, going faster, merciless. „Come for me.“, he grunted, „Now.“. Just like that, you broke.

A deafening cry you didn’t know you were capable of tore through you as your walls tightened around him. He tripped over the edge at the same time, your orgasm causing his. Passionately he growled your name. You could sense his member jerk inside of you, spilling his seed deeply into you.

Arthur lingered just like that for a moment, buried deep inside of you, feeling the voluptuous combination of both of your fluids trickling down his shaft. With you, he felt like he was on top of the world. He finally pulled out of you, letting you down slowly, steadying your wobbly stance. Only then he noticed how strained his muscles were. By that time you were finally, slowly coming back on earth, noticing how the air around you had turned damp. Little drops of water ran down the fogged mirror beside you.

You felt like you had run a marathon, both of you catching your breaths like idiots and smiling dopey at each other. Brushing your hand over his chest to his cheek you noticed how his stare was directed to the box of chocolates he had given you before. You wouldn’t be surprised if they had started melting by how warm it had gotten. Arthur seemed to have the same idea, both of you erupting in giggles.

Suddenly, the light flickered again as the elevator sprung into motion. „Shit, shit, shit.“, he cursed as you tucked yourself into your dress, fixing your hair as much as you could. Arthur hastily picked up the remains of your panties, stuffing them into his pockets. A loud „ding!“ signalized that you made it to your designated floor, alarmed expression on your lovers face. You smiled at Arthur reassuringly, sashaying out of the elevator with his hand in yours like nothing happened.

Either you were oblivious to the distraught stares of the small group of people who greeted you outside the elevator, or you just didn’t care. You just turned your head towards him, satisfied grin playing on your lips.

Right then he knew, you would be the death of him.

#arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #arthur fleck smut #arthur fleck imagine #joker smut #joker imagine #nephwrites

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mcatmemoranda · 3 years

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Isolated systolic HTN (ISH) is when your diastolic BP is normal (less than 80 mmHg) but your systolic BP is high (130 mmHg+). I am trying to look up how to treat it. If you try to treat it with normal anti-HTN meds, then the pt's diastolic BP could be negatively affected. I found this article from the American Heart Association journal, specifically talking about the tx of ISH in young people:

How to Treat ISH in Young People?

Lifestyle modifications such as weight loss, reduction in dietary sodium intake, and increased physical activity are all recommended as first-line therapeutic interventions in young individuals with elevated BP. However, these measures are not always successful in producing sustained reductions in BP in the longer term, in part, because individuals (including children and their parents/guardians) need to be highly motivated to make the necessary lifestyle changes. Effective antihypertensive drug therapies are available for use in adults and have been evaluated in children.58 However, recent data demonstrate that diagnosis and treatment rates are markedly lower in young adults with ISH compared with those with systolic–diastolic or isolated diastolic hypertension.59 Moreover, as discussed earlier, hypertension seems to develop early in life and, once established, is irreversible. Therefore strategies designed to prevent the condition from becoming established are of primary importance and could have a significant impact on public health in the longer term. Interestingly, previous studies in animals suggest that the development of sustained elevations in BP may be prevented by early intervention with angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.60,61 However, studies in middle-aged humans have shown that after treatment withdrawal, BP returns to pretreatment levels in most individuals.62–64 However, these patients were older (greater than 40 years), and perhaps the key is targeting treatment in younger individuals or before the development of sustained hypertension. In the Trial of Preventing Hypertension study,65 an angiotensin receptor blocker delayed the onset of hypertension in middle-aged individuals, but only while they were on treatment.66,67 Moreover, in younger individuals (≈30 years) with normal BP but high familial risk of hypertension, treatment with an angiotensin receptor blocker for 12 months had no persistent effect on BP when treatment was withdrawn.68

The apparent failure of these studies to demonstrate sustained reductions of BP after treatment withdrawal may reflect the choice of therapy being based on data from animals, rather than targeting therapy toward the underlying hemodynamic abnormality. In young people, therapeutic strategies aimed at reducing cardiac output would seem to be the ideal strategy. Indeed, the feasibility of this approach has previously been tested in children in a community setting, where treatment with low doses of propranolol and chlorthalidone for 6 months resulted in significantly lower values of SBP and DBP compared with untreated controls,69 although hemodynamic indices other than BP were not assessed. Acutely, propranolol and nebivolol reduce SBP more than DBP and cause a significant fall in cardiac output in healthy, normotensive individuals aged ≈30 years.70 Data in hypertensive subjects aged between 28 and 67 years suggest that these acute effects are sustained for less than or equal to 29 months with propranolol.71 However, the acute and chronic effects of selective β1-adrenoceptor antagonists on detailed hemodynamic indices in children, adolescents, and young adults are not well understood. Indeed, there may be risks associated with lowering cardiac output in developing children, and further, carefully conducted studies are required before treatment strategies can be optimized in this population. Moreover, β-blockers are known to cause weight gain72 and insulin resistance73 and so their longer-term use in young people may not be ideal. In contrast, thiazide diuretics, which inhibit vascular smooth muscle cell carbonic anhydrase,74,75 or calcium channel blockers, both of which exert chronic vasodilatory effects may be the ideal therapy in young adults with increased peripheral vascular resistance, although again, data describing the detailed hemodynamic effects of these agents in young people are sparse, and further studies are clearly required. Importantly, although it may not be possible to prevent or retard the development of sustained hypertension, at the very least, strategies targeting key mechanisms underlying ISH in the young may well lead to more effective BP control during the life course and reduced cardiovascular risk.

#HTN #ISH #isolated systolic hypertension #isolated systolic HTN

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fullregalia · 3 years

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20/20.

This year, in hindsight, was a real write-off. I had grand plans for it, and while I ushered it in in a very low-key manner since I was recovering from the flu, I’d expected things to look up. Well, you know what they say about plans (RIP, my trip to Europe). I got very, very sick in early February, and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t COVID. Since March, the days have been a carousel of monotony: coffee, run, work, cook, yoga, existential spiral, sleep. My Own Private Year of Rest and Relaxation, if you will. Of course, life has a way of breaking through regardless; I attended protests, completed my thesis, graduated from grad school, took a couple of road trips upstate, and celebrated the accomplishments and birthdays of friends and family from a safe social distance. It was all a bit of a blur, and not ideal circumstances to re-enter the real world, or whatever this COVID-present is.

Throughout it all, in lieu of happy hours, coffee dates, and panel discussions, I’ve turned even more to culture and cuisine to fill the the negative space on my calendar where my social life once resided. However, since a global pandemic ought not to disrupt every tradition, here’s my year-end round up of what made this terrible one slightly more tolerable.

After an ascetic fall semester abstaining from TV in 2019 (save for my beloved Succession), I allowed myself to watch more as the year wore on, and especially after graduation. I caught up on some cultural blind spots by finally getting around to The Sopranos, Ramy, Search Party, and Girlfriends. I wasn’t alone in bingeing Sopranos, it absolutely lived up to the hype and then some; this Jersey Girl can’t get enough gabagool-adjacent content, pizzeria culture is my culture!

Speaking of my culture, there was also a disproportionate amount of UK and European shows in my queue. Nothing like being in social isolation and watching the horny Irish teens in Normal People brood. I’m partial to it because I share a surname with the showrunner, so I have to embrace blind loyalty even though there was, in my opinion, a Marianne problem in the casting. Speaking of charming Irish characters with limited emotional vocabularies, I belatedly discovered This Way Up a 2019 show from Aisling Bea and Sharon Horgan. And while Connell and Marianne are actually exceptional students, I found the real normal people on GBBO to bring me a bit more joy. Baking was abundantly therapeutic for me this year, and watching charming people drink loads of tea and fret over soggy bottoms was a comfort. I also discovered the Great Pottery Throw Down, and as a lifelong ceramics enthusiast, I cannot recommend it highly enough if you care about things like slips, coils, and glazing techniques. GPTD embraces wabi sabi in a way that GBBO eschews flaws in favor of perfection, and in a time of uncertainty, the former reminded me why I miss getting my hands in the mud as a coping mechanism (hence all the baking). Speaking of coping mechanisms, like everybody else with two eyes and an HBO password, I loved Michaela Cole’s I May Destroy You; though we’ve all had enough distress this year for a lifetime, watching Cole’s Arabella process her assault and search for meaning, justice, and closure was a compelling portrait of grief and purpose in the aftermath of trauma. Arabella’s creative and patient friends Kwame and Terry steal the show throughout, as they deal with their own setbacks and emotional turmoil. Where I May Destroy You provides catharsis, Ted Lasso presents British eccentricity in all its stereotypical glory. At first I was skeptical of the show’s hype on Twitter, but once I gave in it charmed me, if only for Roy Kent’s emotional trajectory and extolling the restorative powers of shortbread. For a more accurate depiction of life in London, Steve McQueen’s series Small Axe provides a visually lush and politically clear-eyed depiction of the lives of British West Indians in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Lastly, how could I get through a recap of my year in tv if I don’t mention The Crown. Normal People may have needed an intimacy coordinator, but the number of Barbours at Balmoral was the real phonographic content for me.

Turning my attention across the Channel, after the trainwreck that was Emily in Paris, I started watching a proper French show, Call My Agent! It’s truly delightful, and unlike the binge-worthy format of "ambient shows” I have been really relishing taking an hour each week to watch CMA, subtitles, cigarettes, and all.

Honorable mention: The Last Dance for its in-depth look at many notable former Chicago residents; High Fidelity for reminding me of the years in college when my brother and I would drive around listening to Beta Band; and Big Mouth.

Music

My Spotify wrapped this year was a bit odd. I don‘t think “Chromatica II into 911″ is technically a song, so it revealed other things about my listening habits this year, which turned out to remain very much stuck in the last, sonically. I listened to a lot more podcasts than new music this year, but there were some records that found their way into heavy rotation. While I listened to a lot of classics both old and new to write my thesis (Paul Simon, Leonard Cohen, Prokofiev, and Bach) the soundtrack to my coursework, runs, walks, and editing was more contemporary. Standouts include:

Saint Cloud by Waxahatchee, which makes me feel like I’m breathing fresh air even when I’m stuck inside all day

La Bella Vita by Niia, which was there for me when I walked past my ex on 7th avenue (twice!) and he pretended that I didn’t exist

Fetch the Bolt Cutters by THEE Fiona Apple, because Fiona, our social distancing queen, has always been my Talmud, her songs shimmering, evolving, and living with me every year

Shore by Fleet Foxes, for the long drive to the Catskills

Women in Music, Pt. III by HAIM, because these days, these days...

Musicians have been reckoning with tumult this year as much as the rest of us, and the industry has dealt with loss on all fronts. I’d be remiss not to talk about how the passing of John Prine brought his music into my life, and McCoy Tyner, who has been a companion through good and bad over the years.

Honorable mention to: græ by Moses Sumney; The Main Thing by Real Estate; on the tender spot of every calloused moment by Ambrose Akinmusire; Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers; folklore by you know who; and songs by Adrianne Lenker.

Reading

What would this overlong blob be without a list of the best things I read this year? While I left publishing temporarily, books, the news, and newsletters still took up a majority of my attention (duh and/or doomscrolling by any other name). I can’t be comprehensive, and frankly, there are already great roundups of the best longform this year out there, so this is mostly books and praising random writers.

Last year I wrote about peak newsletter. Apparently, my prediction was a bit premature as this year saw an even bigger Substack Boom. But two new newsletters in particular have delighted me: Aminatou Sow’s Crème de la Crème and Hunter Harris’ Hung Up (her ”this one line” series is true force of chaotic good on Blue Ivy’s internet). Relatedly, Sow and Ann Friedman’s Big Friendship was gifted to me by a dear friend and another bff and I are going to read it in tandem next week.

On the “Barack Obama published a 700+ page memoir, crippling the printing industry’s supply chains” front, grad school severely hamstrung my ability to read for pleasure, but I managed to get through almost 30 books this year, some old (Master and Margarita), most new-ish (Say Nothing, Nickel Boys). Four 2020 books in particular enthralled me:

Uncanny Valley: Anna Wiener’s memoir has been buzzed about since n+1 published her essay of the same name in 2016. Her ability to see, clear-eyed, the industry for both its foibles and allure captured that era when the excess and solipsism of the Valley seemed more of a cultural quirk than the harbinger of societal schism.

Transcendent Kingdom: Yaa Gyasi’s novel about faith, family, loss, and--naturally--grad school was deeply empathetic, relatable, and moving. I think this was my favorite book of the year. Following the life of a Ghanaian family that settles in Alabama, it captured the kind of emotional ennui that comes from having one foot in the belief of childhood and one foot in the bewilderment that comes from losing faith in the aftermath of tragedy.

Vanishing Half: Similarly to Transcendent Kingdom, Brit Bennett’s novel about siblings who are separated; it’s also about the ways that colorism can be internalized and the ways chosen family can (and cannot) replace your real kin. It was a compassionate story that captured the pain of abuse and abandonment in two pages in a way that Hanya Yanagihara couldn’t do in 720.

Dessert Person: Ok, so this is a cookbook, but it’s a good read, and the recipes are approachable and delicious. After all the BA Test Kitchen chaos this summer, it’s nice we didn’t have to cancel Claire. Make the thrice baked rye cookies!!!! You will thank me later.

Honorable mention goes to: Leave The World Behind for hitting the Severance/Station Eleven dystopian apocalypse novel sweet spot; Exciting Times for reminding me why I liked Sally Rooney; and Summer by Ali Smith, which wasn’t the strongest of the seasonal quartet, but was a series I enjoyed for two years.

Podcasts

I’m saving my most enthusiastic section for last: ever since 2018, I’ve been listening to an embarrassing amount of podcasts. Moving into a studio apartment will do that to you, as will grad school, add a pandemic to that equation and there’s a lot of time to fill with what has sort of become white noise to me (or, in one case, nice white parents noise). In addition to the shows that I’ve written about before (Still Processing, Popcast, Who? Weekly, and Why is This Happening?), these are the shows I started listening to this year that fueled my parasocial fire:

You’re Wrong About: If you like history, hate patriarchy, and are a millennial, you’ll love Sarah Marshall and Michael Hobbes’ deep dives into the most notable stories of the past few decades (think Enron and Princess Diana) and also some other cultural flashpoints that briefly but memorably shaped the national discourse (think Terri Schiavo, Elian González, and the Duke Lacrosse rape case).

Home Cooking: This mini series started (and ended) during the pandemic. As someone who stress baked her way through the past nine months, Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway’s show is filled with warmth, banter, and useful advice. Home Cooking has been a reassuring companion in the kitchen, and even though it will be a time capsule once we’re all vaccinated and close talking again, it’s still worth a listen for tips and inspiration while we’re hunkered down for the time being.

How Long Gone: I don’t really know how to explain this other than saying that media twitter broke my brain and enjoying Chris Black and Jason Stewart’s ridiculous banter is the price I pay for it.

Blank Check: Blank Check is like the GBBO of podcasts--Griffin Newman and David Sims’ enthusiasm for and encyclopedic knowledge of film, combined with their hilarious guests and inevitable cultural tangents is always a welcome distraction. Exploring a different film from a director’s oeuvre each week over the course of months, the podcast delves into careers and creative decisions with the passion of completists who want to honor the filmmaking process even when the finished products end up falling short. The Nancy Meyers and Norah Ephron series were favorites because I’d seen most of the movies, but I also have been enjoying the Robert Zemeckis episodes they’re doing right now. The possibility of Soderbergh comes up often (The Big Picture just did a nice episode about/with him), and I’d love to hear them talk about his movies or Spike Lee (or, obviously, Martin Scorsese).

Odds & Ends

If you’re still reading this, you’re a real one, so let’s get into the fun stuff. This was a horrible way to start a new decade, but at least we ended our long national nightmare. We got an excellent dumb twitter meme. I obviously made banana bread, got into home made nut butters, and baked an obscene amount of granola as I try to manifest a future where I own a Subaru Outback. Amanda Mull answered every question I had about Why [Insert Quarantine Trend] Happens. My brother started an organization that is working to eliminate food insecurity in LA. Discovering the Down Dog app allowed me to stay moderately sane, despite busting both of my knees in separate stupid falls on the criminally messed up sidewalks and streets of Philadelphia. I can’t stop burning these candles. Jim Carrey confused us all. We have a Jewish Second Gentleman! Grub Street Diets continued to spark joy. Dolly Parton remains America’s Sweetheart (and possible vaccine savior). And, last, but certainly not least: no one still knows how to pronounce X Æ A-12 Boucher-Musk.

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