#probably will be around 2k words - the most i’ve written for a single fic in So Long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tellerluna-stories · 2 years

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episode 05: rumours that wind like rivers

CONTENTS: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. m.list!

TW/CW: implied violence, minor injuries and wounds

A/N: 'i'll write a short thoma fic,' I told myself when I started this. 'it'll prolly just be around 1-2k words max.' spoiler alert: it was not, in fact, 1-2k words max. this chapter is 6k words alone. why am I like this

this chapter is dedicated to the loveliest sun @x-zho !!!!! hope this helps you get 1000% better ten <;33

Rumours had begun to wind their way through the campus.

You were no stranger to the epic highs and lows of school drama, but for some reason the rumours seemed to be more than mere gossip. The sound of whispering followed you wherever you went, a low but incessant buzzing in your ears that screamed of malicious intent; heads would turn when you walked in the hallway, unfamiliar stares that were less than friendly.

‘Is that the one who…’

‘I think so, from what I heard.’

‘How cruel. He deserves better than that…’

Naturally, you stared back. Life was too short to deal with the pettiness of other people.

You weren’t sure why these strangers had decided to single you out this time, but you had an inkling of an idea; given the circumstances, there was a high probability that it was about you and Thoma. Most likely it had to do with some admirer of his, seething with jealousy after being rejected by Thoma— wait, just where exactly was your mind going with this? Why was your first instinct to think of something that was straight out of a poorly-written telenovela?

Either way, you tried your best to ignore the rumours. It wasn’t hard to do, especially with Thoma hanging around you all the time. If it bothered you, you tried your best not to show him— sometimes it was just easier to let things slide.

But today Thoma had been called away to assist with some club, or committee meeting, or something like that; you weren’t sure of the details, but the student who had practically hauled Thoma by the elbow looked fed up with the shenanigans of his fellow club members. From the looks of it, it seemed like Thoma would have to baby-sit the other students after school... again.

Well, that’s no problem, you reassured yourself. You’d simply wait for him to finish.

You sighed and closed your notebook with a snap, your pencils rattling on the desk from the sheer force.

Mechanically, you performed your after-school routine, the mindless tasks of gathering your pencils to place in your pencil-case, then putting said pencil-case in your backpack. Stacking your notebooks and textbooks according to height and size and storing them in your bag, sweeping up the leftover eraser rubbings with a piece of scrap paper and then disposing of the whole thing into the waste-bin. Lastly, you wiped your desk clean with a wet wipe, a habit that you seemed to have picked up from Thoma; apparently, his obsession with cleanliness was contagious.

Something was amiss, though.

You looked up to see an unfamiliar face— a girl, presumably from another class. Her hair was swept back in a neat ponytail, and there was an ominous set to her mouth that made your instincts scream run.

“Um… how may I help you?”

“I heard you’re the one who gives relationship advice. Am I right?” She said bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Who was this girl? Your mind went into overdrive trying to recall if you had seen her, but that wasn’t possible; you had stopped assisting people a long time ago, and it wouldn’t make sense for her to complain only now.

Hesitantly, you answered, “Not anymore.”

The girl frowned, looking even more displeased than before. “Oh, so not anymore, huh?” A bitter hue of mockery coloured her tone. “Is it because you’re trying to take Thoma for yourself?”

“…What.”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” She hissed— if looks could kill, your funeral rites would’ve been long finished by now. “I’ve heard all about you and what you’ve done. My friend asked you to help her confess to Thoma a while back, but you refused.”

“That’s because I don’t do it anymore. And I didn’t really help with confessions in the first place…”

Unfortunately you could no longer remember which wannabe ‘Thoma’s Sweetheart’ she might’ve been talking about, due to the fact that there were too many people who fit the criteria; you really should have put more effort in memorising their names and faces.

“No more excuses!” The girl’s nostrils flared, giving her the almost comedic appearance of an angry bull. “When she saw how you’ve been hanging around Thoma day and night, she cried for days. Her eyes have been swollen for almost a week now!”

You tried very hard to look like you were at least concerned— ah, who were you kidding. How was any of this your problem?

The bull-headed girl seemed to be a well-meaning friend, but the fact that she didn’t listen to any of your reasoning made her an immense pain in the neck. Mentally, you made a note to punch Thoma in the arm later for the crime of being too handsome and dragging you into the plot of a (horribly cliche) telenovela.

“Look, Thoma is my seatmate. We are in the same class.” You tried to reason, forcefully willing your eye not to twitch. “Of course we’d be together most of the time.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you were dishonest. You turned her away so that you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else stealing Thoma, didn’t you?”

“Thoma is not anyone’s property.” The words spewed out from between your gritted teeth, the last shreds of your patience wearing thin. “He’s capable of making his own choices and deciding who he wants to hang out with.”

The bull-headed girl fell silent— for a moment, you felt relief. It was stupid enough to argue about a boy like two spoiled brats fighting over a doll, but to be fighting over someone who you didn’t even feel like you deserved to be close to?

Downright depressing.

All the whispers, the discontented glares that followed you wherever you went— was that what all those frosty stares had been about? A sinking sensation lodged itself in your stomach as you wondered just how many more people were like this girl, wishing for your downfall so that they could claim the place by Thoma’s side.

While you were contemplating your situation, your opponent slowly raised her head, a look of malicious intent in her eyes that signified she was about to say something incredibly stupid. “Y’know, you’re pretty naive.”

Internally you sighed, steeling yourself for the tirade of insults that were sure to follow. Well, it wasn’t like you wouldn’t hear anything new under the sun— your profession had brought about a few nasty customers, after all.

“I don’t believe Thoma’s stupid enough to actually want to hang around someone like you. He always looked empty-headed to me, but this would just be downright pathetic.” Bull-headed girl sneered vindictively, a triumphant look in her eyes as she (wrongly) assumed her victory. “It’s obvious that he’s only hanging out with you to be nice— some guy he must be. But you’re even worse, with the way you’re clinging onto him like a leech.”

Your mind went completely blank.

Thoma, stupid. Empty-headed. Pathetic.

Sweet, gentle Thoma, who always went above and beyond for everyone, even if they weren’t someone from his class. The student who worked hard so he could meet the expectations of those who admired him and to offer a helping hand to those who struggled with their schoolwork. The kind-hearted boy who listened to his parents’ advice and dreamed of becoming someone who could protect the ones dearest to him.

The boy who thawed your heart and made a safe nest for it to call home, even if you couldn’t summon the courage to tell him.

Something behind your eyes flashed white-hot, almost blinding you with how it seared in the back of your head. You could have stomached anything else if she had just been wise enough to leave Thoma out of it, but enough was enough.

If someone else had been in your shoes, maybe they would have cried. Perhaps they would have stared at this wretched girl with shock and hurt in their eyes, and then the hero of the story would swoop in and defend both their honour and his own. It was certainly a beautiful scenario to imagine, the sort of cliche moment that you could only dream of.

But instead it was you standing here today, and Thoma was nowhere to be found. Perhaps there was a more gracious, more main-character worthy way of solving this situation— but today, you were just a little too tired of being complacent and letting things happen.

Softly, you said, “Take that back.”

“Hah?” The girl scoffed derisively, practically spitting her disdain of you all over your face. Ew, saliva.

“I said,” Your voice was deathly quiet as you stood up from your desk, knuckles cracking ominously as your hands balled themselves into fists. “Take back what you said about him.”

It was already almost dark when you were finally released from detention, the sky painted the rich blue that always followed after the most magnificent of sunsets. Normally you would have stopped to admire it, but the sizeable wad of tissue stuffed up one of your nostrils somewhat ruined the romantic atmosphere.

The nurse had done her best to treat and bandage the scratches on your face and arms, but the nosebleed hadn’t stopped till halfway through your detention period. You were probably lucky that your opponent wasn’t actually trained in fighting, or else you could have ended up with even worse than a nosebleed.

Well, you technically weren’t supposed to be happy about it, but she had paid dearly for scoring that hit; two black eyes that made her look like a panda, and a hefty chunk of hair that you'd yanked out by accident. (You'd only grabbed her ponytail when she started using her fingernails to scratch you, but the hair actually coming out had been a surprise to both of you.)

The utter nerve of some people, really. This was why you had always kept to yourself.

It would've been quite flattering that she thought you had the time and energy to manipulate the situation this way, but really, just who did she think you were? And the fact that she talked about stealing Thoma like he was some sort of trophy to be won made your blood boil.

The ground swayed slightly as you dragged yourself to the school gates; somehow, in your weary state, you thought of Thoma. He had probably gone home when you didn’t show up.

Too bad we couldn’t walk home together, your subconscious lamented. You were too tired to argue with it.

But perhaps it was for the best after all; you weren’t sure if Thoma would be happy to hang out with someone who picked fights. There had been relationships you counselled that ended poorly because of situations like that, where one person discovered that their partner wasn’t who they had thought to be. And if your intuition was correct… there was a high likelihood that Thoma would react the same way if he found out.

You shuddered as you imagined his eyes filled with disappointment, a look of disgust as he turned his back on you. If Thoma were the sun, then you were Icarus, blinded by foolish greed— no, no, you shouldn’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles for today. It would just leave a cold, heavy feeling in your stomach and anxiety shivering down your spine.

As you staggered over the gate’s threshold, a figure stirred from its resting position.

“You’re late—“ Thoma began to scold, but froze in shock at the sight of your bruised and puffy face. “What happened to you?!”

Just like that, the cares and worries of the day disappeared (most of them, anyway), and a small, giddy smile worked up your face in spite of your exhaustion— he had waited for you, after all.

Suddenly, your senses were overwhelmed with what felt like a golden tornado; it was none other than a very worried puppy-boy, his metaphorical ears drooping as he panicked over what were probably minor injuries. It felt nice to have him worry about you, you had to admit.

“Your arms- oh, gosh.” His hands brush lightly over the bandages over your arms, finding their way up to cradle your face gingerly. “What happened? Who did this to you?”

Perhaps it was your head injury, or maybe it was the rush of excitement upon seeing him, but your head suddenly felt quite light upon your shoulders. I’m happy you waited for me, a small, selfish part of you wanted to say.

But you wouldn’t- couldn’t muster the courage to say it.

“Hi, Thoma.” Against your better judgement, your head only leaned further into the warmth of his palm. “-‘s been a long day for me.”

“I never would have guessed.” His face was all creased with worry, but still Thoma tried to put on a smile— for your sake or his own, you would never know. “Are- are you okay? How do you feel right now?”

Perfect, you almost said aloud. Thoma had waited for you and was now worried about you, though you much preferred it when he smiled; you were happy that he cared enough about you to do all of these things, even if it was only out of the kindness of his heart. How could you explain to him that you felt so happy that it was going to your head, swirling in a trance of rapturous delight that left you dizzy and your feet unsteady as you slowly inched closer to him— ah, did the world always seem to be so slanted?

The last thing you remembered was being surrounded in soft, delicious warmth, and the sound of Thoma’s panicked voice fading into darkness.

You came to your senses with your pounding head resting on something warm and sturdy, the faint smell of laundry soap in the one working nostril that you had left.

“Are you awake?”

In the faint light, Thoma’s green eyes peered at you with concern, his bangs sweeping forward till they barely touched the crown of your head. For a split-second, you wished you could pass out again.

Bolting upright, you glanced around to find yourself outside the bakery where you usually met up with Thoma. Seated on a bench next to said puppy-boy who had presumably waited for you to wake up… while resting your head on his shoulder, no less. And for some reason Thoma had changed out of his uniform, wearing a slim black t-shirt instead of the usual white polo that was required by your school.

You weren’t sure if you were supposed to be delighted or to despair at your situation.

“Wha- where?!” One hand jerked up to check the bandages wrapped around your head; some of them had fallen loose, tumbling around your neck like some sort of tacky necklace, while an unfamiliar white shirt was draped over you like a makeshift blanket. You probably looked like a cross between a toilet-papered house and a fashionable mummy, but that wasn’t the issue at hand here.

The two answers that you needed to know right now were number one: how you got to the bakery when you last remembered being at school, and number two: how and why you ended up snuggled into Thoma’s shoulder like- like— your face burned like an oven just thinking about it.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Oblivious to your internal conflict, the reason for your confusion fumbled with his backpack zipper. “I have a first-aid kit here, hold on… nope, not it." He dug even further, a tiny frown on his face as he searched for the elusive item.

The sky was already dark and the stars were out, which meant Thoma had to have been here for quite a while— no, no, no, you were probably hallucinating. There was no way you could have passed out for that long in front of the person you liked… right?

Your eyes roved wildly as you took in your surroundings, searching for a sign that you were dreaming. The light from the store-front window looked a little too surreal, the trees just a bit too unrealistic; you desperately wanted to believe that you did not just embarass yourself to the point of considering moving to a new country and faking a new identity.

(But then again, you weren’t sure that you were capable of dreaming up the expression that the bakery owner wore as she waved hello from behind the counter— the face of a die-hard shipper watching their favourite couple interact was something you could only find in reality. And the shirt that now lay in your lap felt a little too real to be something you dreamt.)

"That’s not it either… oh!” Thoma pulled out a tiny white box with a triumphant grin, the sight nearly sending you back into the realm of unconsciousness. Seriously, just how many gigawatts did his smile have…?

“Did- did you find it?” You managed to choke out, your tongue lying thick and heavy in your mouth.

“Sure did! Which means it’s time to get down to the real business at hand." His smile suddenly became more sinister, the sort of expression that nurses wore after saying the vaccination wouldn't hurt that much (and it always, always hurt like a torture device from the Middle Ages); the very sight sent chills running down your spine. “Turn your face here so I can see it in the light.”

What did you ever do to deserve this?

There were currently two things that you did not want to do, one of which was to make eye-contact with Thoma, and the other was to endure another session of poking and prodding at your injuries. Unfortunately, the puppy-traitor had decided to do both of those. Hooray.

“What are you, a nurse?”

“An unlicensed one, but I can rise to the occasion if need be. Now let me see your wounds.”

“Don’ wanna,” You lisped, wincing as a particularly annoying cut on your lip stung in protest— it seemed that some of your wounds had reopened on the journey here.

“Now, please.” There was his serious, no-nonsense tone of voice that was reserved only for the most stubborn of people.

Begrudgingly you moved your head two centimetres, causing the puppy-nurse to sigh loudly. Gently, a pair of warm hands cupped your face, turning your head till you were staring him eye-to-eye— oh, great heavens.

“It’s not as bad as I thought, but I think some of the bandages need to be changed.” He leaned in and tugged the wad of bloody tissue out of your nose; fervently, you prayed that the rush of blood to your head wouldn't end in another nosebleed spewing all over Thoma. Did he seriously have no concept of personal space?

In response to your unspoken question, the puppy-boy turned nurse only shuffled closer and half-knelt on the bench to get a better angle of your injuries, tilting your head upwards to look at him as he poured ointment on a cotton ball. Apparently he had never heard of the alien custom of personal space, much to your downfall.

"…You know, the nurse already treated me." You mumbled, if only to at least attempt to maintain a shred of your dignity.

"No offense to her, but she didn't do a very good job of it." Thoma replied with a disappointed shake of his head, leaning even closer to inspect the cuts on your face (oh, of course he had to do that when you were already light-headed as it was). "...Do you mind me asking how you got these?"

There it was.

The cold, heavy weight of anxiety from earlier settled into your stomach; Thoma, with his eyes filled with shame and disappointment. His warm voice now cold and distant to you, saying, ‘I don’t want to hang around people like you.’

What if Panda-Eyes was right? What if he really thought that you were beneath him and he was just being nice to you because it was convenient? Somehow, somewhere down the line, Thoma had become someone important enough to you for you to worry about such things.

For a moment you remained frozen stiff, debating on whether not to tell him the truth— and that’s when a sunset-hued memory came to mind.

“You’re nervous that they won’t like you, you’re afraid of showing the uglier parts of yourself to them, but you want to stay with them more than anything else— even if they end up seeing what you’re trying to hide.”

Oh, why did you have to remember that sentence now?

You sighed and bit back a string of grouchy complaints, all of which were directed towards Thoma and how he had corrupted you to actually be honest with your feelings instead of bottling them up and never talking about them again. Take responsibility, you insolently adorable puppy-boy.

Well, you supposed that he would just have to take responsibility by shouldering the burden of hearing you out.

"Do you want the bad news or not-so-bad news first?"

"Um…” He hesitated, fumbling for the disinfectant bottle in his kit. “Bad news first?"

“…I may or may not have gotten into a fight.” You mumbled quickly, hanging your head in shame; your head bumped against Thoma’s torso, but you didn’t care anymore. Anything would do, just as long as you didn’t meet his gaze.

Thoma remains silent for a moment or two, his hands lowering to his side. "…Is that what happened?"

Cicadas hummed in the distance, their voices filling the silence where people dared not speak. The evening breeze tugged at your crumpled uniform and blew gentle chills down your spine, as if to remind you of the cold pit that weighed itself down in your stomach.

This is where he'll leave, you told yourself. This is the part where he'll throw a fit and get angry and yell at me. It's what happened to all those other people— he'll hate me forever and never speak to me again.

If it could happen to those other people who were worthy of love and romance, then how much more you?

“Hey, eyes on me.” A sturdy hand tilts your face upwards, and once again you find yourself helpless before Thoma’s emerald-green gaze. There was no malice, no disappointment— nothing but concern showing in those eyes that you could get lost in to never be found. “I can’t disinfect your wounds if you look down.”

That was all he said. No more, no less.

You remained silent as Thoma wiped dried blood away with cotton soaked in alcohol and dressed your wounds. He didn’t blow up at you, nor did he walk away in disgust; he just waited till you were ready to speak, just as he always did.

“…You’re not mad about it?”

“Hey, if someone as non-confrontational as you got into a fight, then there has to be a reason why.” His mouth quirked upward in a small smile as he daubed ointment on a scratch near your eye. “You avoided me the first few times I tried talking to you, and that was just normal conversation. How much more physical confrontation?”

Internally you cringed; so he had noticed you were avoiding him.

(But at the same time, it made you happy that he had noticed. It sort of made you feel like he considered you important enough to notice the lack of your presence.)

“So,” Thoma continued, smoothing a tiny adhesive bandage over the scratch. “If that’s the bad news, what’s the not-so-bad news?”

“Well, uh… it’s not really news.” You searched for the right words, praying that your voice wouldn’t fail you now. “It- I thought I at least owed you an explanation. To tell you how it happened… and all.”

So you explained everything to Thoma, from beginning to end; how you resigned yourself to your fate early on and instead chose to give counseling to people who asked, the sheer volume of admirers that he had which made you give it up. The way you had planned to wait for him today, only to get confronted by an angry bull-headed girl. You told him of the things she said and how it made you so angry, though you didn’t exactly understand why, and how you got scared that he would distance himself from you once he found out. You even told him about her panda eyes and the chunk of hair that you’d accidentally yanked out.

You had never talked this much in your life before, but somehow the words kept spilling out. Oddly enough, it was just easier to use your voice when Thoma was around.

All the while, Thoma listened patiently— even as you occasionally winced from the sting of antiseptic, even when he had to blow gently on a cut for you to calm down. Only when you had finally worn out and slumped back against the bench did Thoma act, taking your hand and tracing circles in your palm with his thumb.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply, a sad look in his eyes.

“Don’t be sorry.” You replied, your head swimming from all the talking you did. “As you said, I’m not the type to be confrontational. But for you...” Pausing, you eyed your bruised and scuffed knuckles, now clad in soft white bandages thanks to Thoma's nursing.

"...I’d do it again.”

“You really don’t have to pay any mind to what they say about me…”

“Shh, be quiet and enjoy the moment while it lasts. I'm not saying that again.”

“Yes, boss.”

Somehow, your exhaustion had removed any filter that you had whatsoever, leaving you with a strange sense of recklessness (in hindsight, it was probably the effect of taking a glancing blow to the head.) All the things that you’d bottled up were bubbling up like champagne, threatening to overflow with honesty at any minute.

(No, you were not going to confess. You still had some common sense in you to clamp your feelings down before it slipped loose.)

“I really meant what I said earlier, by the way. About the whole confrontational, I’d-do-it-again thing…” Suddenly you realised how embarassing it sounded once you said it aloud.

Thoma chuckled faintly, continuing to trace circles in the palm of your hand. “I know.”

“Thanks for looking after me when I passed out. And thanks for treating my wounds.” You hesitated, fiddling with the hem of your shirt with your free hand. “…Thank you for listening to me, too.”

Thoma smiled gently and leaned in to whisper something in your ear; suddenly, you were very aware of the pounding of your heart that resonated in your eardrums. What on earth was he going to say that required him to lean so close? You unconsciously held your breath, waiting for him to speak…

Only for him to dramatically stage-whisper, “For you, I’d do it again.”

“…You shut your mouth before I take that back and fight you instead.”

He took one look at your displeased face and immediately burst into laughter, like the audacious little puppy he was— well, you supposed it was better to have a laughing Thoma than a droopy-eared, pouty one. Though both were equally cute.

“What’s so funny about it, huh?” You fired back, though there was no malice to your tone. “You’re facing a veteran fighter here— you might want to rethink doing that, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” The twinkle of laughter still lingered in his eyes and hovered on his smiling lips, chasing away any traces of doom and gloom that Thoma might have once carried. “I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

“Hoy, I know you’re not taking me seriously right now. Did you forget that I took a couple of punches to the face?”

Thoma laughed and shook his head, giving your hair an affectionate ruffle. “You’re right. Sorry, boss.”

The sudden contact sent an electrical shock down your spine, and internally you seethed. Once again, this puppy-boy is making me act out of character.

In the past, you would never have expected to be reduced to such a state; heart doing jumping-jacks in your throat, your knees weak and palms sweaty all from a trivial gesture like a smile. Just one ridiculously blinding, dentist-approved smile, but it made you want to make sure he stayed happy and joyful for the rest of his life, no matter the cost. Even if you had to deal with a thousand pony-tailed-panda-eyed girls everyday to make it happen.

The stars overhead twinkled knowingly, as if delighting in this turn of events— perhaps the constellations were laughing amongst themselves, knowing that they were witnessing another love-story unfolding. A gust of wind breezed past with a mischievous whistle, sticking its chilly fingers underneath the collar of your uniform and brushing Thoma's bangs back to expose his forehead to the cold.

Perhaps time would be kind enough to freeze in this moment, like a moth trapped in amber, said that small, obnoxious part of yourself.

It seemed as if all of creation had banded together to delight in the beauty before you— the shining starlight that danced in Thoma’s emerald-green eyes, the wind that toyed with his hair of gold. Even in the night the sun was present, flickering in that ever-blinding smile of his; for certain, you knew that the Creator of the young man before you had nodded and smiled in satisfaction upon finishing, saying, ‘It is good.’

“I’m really lucky to have you, you know that?” Thoma’s voice broke the spell he put you under, bringing you back to reality in the blink of an eye.

Your heart reacted faster than your head did, speeding up to run at least a mile a millisecond— him? Lucky to have you?

This was bad— no, this was really, really bad, for both your heart and emotional stability. All of your years of counseling would never have been enough to prepare you for this.

“Thoma…” You grimaced (hey, it was your only defense mechanism for when you were confronted with emotions like these). “I thought I was the one with a head injury, not you.”

“What? I’m just being honest here.”

His honesty was probably going to be the death of you at some point.

“Tch.” You glanced behind you to ensure the bakery owner wasn’t listening; the last thing you wanted was for her to pester you with questions the next time you came to visit. “Why’d you bring that up all of a sudden, anyway?”

“Oh, uh…“ The tips of his ears turned a faint pink in the dim light. “I think it’s always good to tell things like these to the people you care about. Of course, words should always be accompanied with actions, because it wouldn’t do to have empty words without meaning. But what I mean is—”

“Thoma.”

“Right. Back on topic. Anyway, what I meant to say is…” Thoma’s eyes fixed on yours, filled with a sincerity that was unique to only him. “I’m really grateful to have you watching out for me. I can’t thank you enough.”

Thump went your traitorous heart, and it took all of your willpower to prevent yourself from gushing out a confession on the spot. Don’t do that, Thoma, don’t give me hope.

If anything, you should have been the one saying that to Thoma; he was the one to bring you out of your shell like this. It was Thoma who steadfastly waited till you were ready to open up your heart to accept his company, and it was he who had brought so many new, beautiful things into your life. And you… what did you even do for him?

“It’s not everyday that you find someone who’s willing to go against all of their basic principles just to defend you, y’know.” He smiled so easily at you, that soft gentleness that made your rationality go flying off the top of the highest building to splatter into a puddle onto the concrete; once again, your feelings crept to the threshold of your heart and timidly knocked, asking to be let out.

“Well, I…” You started, but alas— the words seemed to falter before they could leave your mouth. “I…”

“Wait.” He cut you off, and in one graceful motion Thoma sweeps his shirt about your shoulders, adjusting it to ensure that it didn’t fall. “It’s cold tonight.”

Internally you heaved a sigh and accepted your fate— it looked like your poor heart wouldn’t get any rest till you were safe inside your house. “How am I supposed to return this to you?”

“Just wash it and bring it to school, I suppose.”

“Only if you promise not to scold me if my way of washing clothes is not up to your standards.”

“Deal.” He agreed, tugging at the collar of the shirt with his usual air of perfectionism. “One more thing, by the way.”

“…What is it?”

Thoma smiled apologetically, that familiar softness in his eyes. “If you hear someone saying nasty things about me, just ignore them.”

Ignore… them?

You didn’t understand why he would ask you to ignore something like that— it didn’t make sense, especially considering how Thoma had just told you that he appreciated you looking out for him. In your eyes it would have been more logical for him to ask you to keep watching out for him, so why would he make such a strange request.

“Why?”

“Their opinions really don’t bother me at all. As long as you know what I’m really like, then whatever they say doesn’t matter.” He released your shirt-collar and brushed off his pants, extending a hand to you with a smile. “Now, shall we go?”

You blinked owlishly at his outstretched hand.

“I’ll walk you home tonight.”

“But-”

“No buts. What if you pass out on the way home?”

Logically speaking, he did have a point— it wouldn’t do to have someone in your physical state walking home alone at this hour. But still you hesitated, torn between not wanting to take up anymore of his time than you already had and the idea of snatching just a few more moments with him.

“We’re not strangers, you know. And for you…” Thoma pauses dramatically, that almost-sly look on his face once again. “…I’d do it—“

“Shut up! I can’t hear you, lalalalalalala—” You clapped your hands over your ears and jumped up from your seat; before you knew it, your legs had carried you up the road, away from the faint sound of his laughter floating up into the heavens like a wish ungranted. “You’re ridiculous!”

“I’ll be taking that as a compliment, if it’s fine with you!”

“Whatever!” Your breath rattled in your lungs as you ran away from Thoma and all the dangerous heart-fluttering that he brought to you, the jittering nerves that only became more agitated upon hearing his laughter.

“Hey, wait for me,” he called out, hauling both of your backpacks onto his shoulders and breaking into a lazy sprint. “It’s not good for you to run like that! Slow down!”

But that night, if you had only turned around, if you had dared to look at your puppy-boy in the face… perhaps you would have discovered a different side to him. For Thoma's face fell when you turned away, a displeased frown clouding his normally sunny expression.

“You’ll never catch me alive!” You yelled in the distance, the bandages wrapped around your arms shining bright in the light of the street-lamps and the distant starlight— Thoma’s jawline only tightened at the sight of those pale bandages, his throat constricting with something dangerously akin to anger. If he had only known sooner…

I’ll definitely make things right, he declared, a silent promise to both you and himself.

Then Thoma shook off his anger and stepped forward with a smile, for he would not allow tomorrow’s troubles to taint today’s time with you— no longer fettered by his burdens, the young man broke into a proper sprint, racing to catch up with you and to follow what his heart knew was righteous.

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secretlywritingstories · 1 year

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The new year is just around the corner now. It’s already come to pass in other places of the world, and it’ll catch up with me and my little country soon enough.

Time is all a construct. The seconds, the minutes, the days, the weeks, the months, the years. We made it up for hour world, a reflection of what we saw, sure, but still all our creation. Humans do that a lot. Look at something and wish to find structure and meaning behind it. I quite like that about us.

I wanted to take a moment to reflect back on how 2022 have treated me and it has been quite a good year in a lot of aspects. I started off the year with a panic attack, and feeling quite lost and without roots. However, that was the only one I had this year, and while my brain hasn’t always been the best, we’ve been managing. I’ve gotten even more familiar with myself, and how to get up and push on. I know how, I just have to remember to do it.

I moved departments at work and went full time and came up to work that’s much more interesting and also a whole bunch of colleagues that make it a fun experience to go to work. I’ve spent the months still finding my footing and landing properly, and sometimes I still worry if I’m cut out for this corporate, adult 9-5 office job stuff. I like the stability of it, though, and the organisation I work for does important work.

I wrote and wrote, quite consistently all throughout the year and while I “only” journalled on some days, I’ve not missed a single day all year. Over 790k words written and over 550k published across tumblr and AO3. Those numbers are not even fathomable really. I had a goal of writing 2k a year and I did that and then some. But more importantly than the volume, I’m so proud of the works I put out this year. I’ve pushed boundaries, like releasing my first fic with smut in it on my actual account, and written for new fandoms and once again felt the warm embrace of a reading audience. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that.

I also cut my hair, which might not seem like that big of a deal, and in some ways it really wasn’t. Over the last half a decade, I’ve grown hair out, had 30 cm. or so snipped off to donation and cut it just above my shoulder. But this year, I went really short, like above the ears, nothing to tie back, short. And it’s been so good. It’s so light and easy and I feel more myself. Like it fit me better.

I’ve kept a lot of the same wonderful friends that I had last year and they continue to be something to bring me joy in my life. Both the online crowd and the ones from real life are invaluable to me, and it’s always a pleasure to hang out with them, virtually or otherwise. I’m hopefully seeing a lot of the online friends for the first time in the new year, which is exciting.

My family is still doing well, as are the dogs and my dear horse. I’ve spent a lot of time in the family house, and in some ways that feels a bit regressive but in other ways I really needed that stability of people around me. And the dogs. Dogs to cuddle with most nights are very essential. I also know that this family home won’t be here forever, in a few years my parents will probably sell it and move into something smaller and I selfishly want to soak up everything I can. Though I do home to get better at splitting my time between the family house and my apartment.

This is already getting entirely too long, but I am always a sucker for reflection and introspection. Perhaps you’ll see me again tomorrow with a spilled thoughts post about my hopes for 2023. I will end by saying that 2022 felt like I finally uncurled a little from the defensive position that I’d taken late 2019/early 2020. It had been a tumultuous earthquake of time that I think I still needed to recover form.

Now, I feel more like I’ve evened out my ground, patched the ridges and holes, and now we can actually start building again. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

#2022 #spilled thoughts #personal #new years eve #Happy New Year

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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100 follower fic request special!

please read entire post before making a request.

info :)

I have no concrete word count for them, but anticipate around 1k for each one! I would like to write about 1k-2k, but time constraint + creativity + familiarity with characters may make it vary!

all drabbles will be pulled together and posted onto AO3 unless specified otherwise! specific requester will be put in the fic summary as well :]

window for requests will run from today (12/27/21) to New Year’s Eve (12/31/21). ADDITIONALLY, I will most likely cap all requests at 20, so if we hit it before the end of the window I will likely close the window :[

Please pay attention to whether requests are open or not. My ask box will most likely be open even if requests are over so my friends can come and say hi ^-^

I will aim to get these posted prior to January 4th, but please know it may go over a few days. I will not try to answer these in the exact order, but I will answer all that I receive (unless request is rejected).

Everyone may only give one request; however, if you would like to request two separate prompts within a single ask, I will pick one and write it.

You are allowed to request even if you don’t follow me! Just don’t request if you have me hard-blocked. Not because I’d really mind, mostly just because that would be kind of awkward for you, I’d think?

I don’t prioritize who gets to request and who doesn’t. I might extend the window/the amount I’ll take, but that’s it. Don’t worry, if all goes well I’ll probably do this again!

what I will write!

DreamSMP

OriginsSMP [I will assume S2 unless specified otherwise!]

30 Day SMP

hard limits

I will not write anything explicit, boundary-breaking, or overly gore-y.

I will write romantic relationships, however I will only do these with characters who are shown within these relationships in canon, or creators who have voiced that they are okay with their characters being shipped.

I do not write RPF.

You may request AUs, but I will reject most crossovers, by virtue of me not knowing every media ever. If I’ve posted a lot about a fandom before, you can assume that I am able to do a crossover with it (ex. FNAF, NITW, LiS, etc.)

Please avoid overly detailed prompts or very vague prompts. If you send me, like, a single word, I can probably write something with that, but I can’t ensure that you’ll like it? If you send me a 200 word prompt, I will also not know what to do with that.

For DreamSMP specifically, I won’t write anything that outright puts c!Dream in a positive light, anything about Michael_Beloved being injured, and I may be dicey with really early DSMP content since I wasn’t around then. But it varies case-by-case, and I want to broaden my horizons, so feel free otherwise! :D

I have the right to reject any request for any reason and will let the individual know ASAP (if off-anon, I will privately reply. if anonymous, I’ll make a post with enough identifying details regarding the request for the person to be informed). If I reject your request, you may put in another one.

These limits may change overtime. If so, I will explicitly edit this post AND make another post establishing this.

to send a request, just leave me an ASK (off-anon OR anon is fine) with the SMP, the characters, and the prompt you would like written. I will not do a request if it is sent to me in any other fashion.

thank you for all the support again, love you guys! happy requesting :)

rbs encouraged!

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.fics #OKAY TO RB!#as i said i will leave ask box open for people to just say hi so don't worry abt that #i am rusty at this last time i did requests was a while ago so bear with me!

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genseng-powder · 3 years

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Back Home

For the record - I really tried hard with the dialogue because I know I can go off rail with those. Call it a practice since I know that's my weakness. Also, this will be cross-posted on my ao3 that i'll link after the main post just 'cause~ As for any warnings, I don't think much will apply (? let me know if there is something that I did miss). It's been quite a while since I've written and finished a 2k worded fic ~ Without further ado, and since this is a long story - enjoy~

///

Gen wakes up with the feeling of last week's unprecedented happenings being carried over to today. There's a gaping coldness by the other side of his bed, moreso within him when the crashing weight of emptiness takes over his thoughts first thing in the afternoon.

It was annoyingly consistent; he wakes up, feels the wash of dreaded loneliness spark him to an unbearable consciousness and he hates that it's such a contrast to waking up with his boyfriend's arm wrapped around his torso.

Ex-boyfriend, to be exact.

He hasn't slept well since they've broken up - him and Senku. To be honest, no one really saw it coming but they knew someone had to bend and break under the heavy weight of Gen's unhealthy pretenses. The anxiety that had built up over the years had pulled the strings taut - much too brittle and fragile and it all ended up a self-fulfilling prophecy as he drove all his insecurity to projection.

Senku happens to be the "lucky one" to be present at the tipping point.

"Gen, tell me."

"I don't know what to tell you."

It was the truth - and somehow a lie at the same time. His thought process was all over the place because anxiety was making everything a tad bitch too hard for him to express himself clearly.

He had been so, so used to carrying these things alone because no one had pried him open to this extent and now that his walls were crumbling, another fear was crawling its way out to his subconsciousness. It's one thing after another and it's dizzying and tiring to have been in this perpetual state of worry.

Needless to say, Gen feels like an asshole for wanting to open up and regretting it right away. He foresaw this coming but Senku - Senku just had this something on him that makes Gen feel safe. Feel loved. Feel immensely needed - that he was actually a person with substance and not an empty shell.

How does he tell Senku that he doesn't feel worthy of whatever they have going on without hurting him?

"Don't lie to me. It's been eating you for days and you've been avoiding me-"

"I am not lying."

"I know darn well you are!"

"Then if you are so smart - then why can't you figure it out yourself?"

"I can't read minds, for fuck's sake."

"Then you better stop assuming that something is wrong because there's none! Don't make this out to be a bigger deal-"

"I'm making a big deal of this if I want to because I can't stand to see you like this! You barely left the room, barely touch your food and talk to me. This goddamn apartment is so small with four rooms but we are never in the same place!"

"Can't you just leave me be for once-"

"No! I might be the densest asshole out there but you know that I'd rather talk this out with you-"

"Don't make this harder than it already is!"

"I don't even know what I am doing that's making things so harder for you, Gen!"

"This! Everything!"

"...what?"

"You heard me. This 'us' is what's making me like this."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No-"

"Then what about 'us' that's wrong?!"

"Just -"

"Do I ashame you? Do I embarrass you-"

"I feel suffocated!"

No, this wasn't what he wanted to say.

"I can't breathe and I just feel smothered all the time and it's fucking - it's fucking hard that it had to be you!"

This wasn't it. He wanted to tell Senku that it's just been so hard and the anxiety is killing him - that he cannot accept the fact that it had to peak at the moment he was the happiest AND he was - still is happiest with Senku.

He IS fucking happiest with Senku and yet - this happens.

Was he truly...?

Gen doesn't think he can stomach the scrunch of Senku's brows, the slightest quivering of his lips and the sheen layer of unshed tears.

His ruby red eyes were losing it's ember glow.

Gen did this.

He doesn't think he can live this down - Senku must hate him now, despise him for wasting his time, and now that Gen had ruined this thing along with all the wasted relationships on his trail, this was no different than the rest even though he thought he could make it last.

Two years isn't bad.

"Gen-"

"Leave."

"No, Gen wait -"

He doesn't think he can stomach to hear what Senku wants to say.

Anything but Senku telling him that he hates him.

Anything but that.

So he ends things first and foremost - because this is where it's bound to lead right? They all do - and his past, broken pieces were a testimony that this one is no unique case.

They all tell him that - but somehow, it eats him up whole to think that Senku could say it to him. Would say it to him.

He doesn't want to hear that.

He hates that Senku hates him now and he cannot do a single thing about it because he was the goddamn cause.

"I said leave!"

Gen doesn't understand - but when Senku leaves without a word, he knows it's all over.

When Gen hears their front door close with an empty thud, his knees lose strength, the fight in him drains, and he stares at the floor with blurred vision, thinking - how does Senku manage to take parts of Gen as he leaves.

Today's afternoon was no different than those of this past week. The weight of the events always flood him first thing he gains consciousness and - it's tiring.

Gen is tired and he wants Senku back.

But he cannot text him, cannot even call him because he was the asshole who requested for his ex-boyfriend to leave in the first place and in a week of being contactless with the ombre-haired scientist - Gen knows Senku has probably forgotten him.

He hates him, Gen's mind supplies.

He's tired of you.

He's probably moved on, you know?

Hell, Gen kicked Senku out of his own home and atop of all that - Senku never bothered to return and that just sets afire the fact that he really is worthless after all.

Gen asked Senku to leave - he complied and Gen wished Senku didn't do it so easily.

"I am so fucking unfair." He whispers harshly in the mess of their bedroom.

Gen guesses it's his alone now.

///

Gen feels his heart lodge itself up in his throat when he mindlessly opens the front door and is greeted by his ex-boyfriend.

Senku -

Gen doesn't realize that he had uttered his ex-boyfriends name in a hush - breathless and needlessly sounding desperate. The air in his lungs seemed to have been knocked out when the scientist neither moves or says anything.

Senku just stood there and soaked in the mess that is Asagiri Gen - as if he hadn't been chased out of his own home a week ago.

In a surge of pride and anxiety, Gen regains his footing as he immediately slams the door close, thinking that he had less sleep in days to the point of hallucination and that this must be a dream -

But the groan and the foot stuck in the door's gap is probably real.

"Gen, let me in damn it."

"I don't want to." He says indignantly, his teeth clenching down hard at his bottom lip to keep his tears from flowing, hands grasping with a vice grip at the doorknob that is forcibly keeping the door from opening and seeing Senku's face again.

If he sees those coal-ember eyes, he just might lose it.

"Don't be stubborn -" Senku said, breath hitching and Gen felt the doorknob slip away from his hands and - "and just let me in."

There's a warm hand on his wrist, and another on his cheeks - so warm and he almost wanted to lean into it because he misses this most. Gen cannot seem to bring his gaze up towards Senku, but he regrets it the moment he sees those blazen red eyes.

He cannot give in now - this is a trap. Senku is just reeling him and preparing him for the worst and he needs to get away.

Without much of a warning, Gen pulls away from the hold harshly, trying not to flinch at the sudden coldness it leaves in his wake as he sidesteps to run away from Senku and whatever he is about to say.

Senku's going to say he hates him and Gen doesn't want to hear it.

It was so unfortunate that he doesn't get far - not even a foot outside the apartment as he gets pulled in by the waist and is slammed against the now closed front door of their apartment. Senku is now breathing too closely, Gen pinned in between his arms helplessly and the tears - since when had they been falling?

"You are not leaving our home."

Gen's heart gripes and constricts at the phrase. He cannot seem to understand how it was still theirs.

This is a trap - you have to get away -

"Gen, stop listening to your thoughts for once and listen to me!" Senku begged, seeing the way Gen's eyes have lost focus ever since he appeared at their doorstep.

"But you hate me a-and I even kicked you out from your own home and-"

"That's why I told you to listen to me, damn it. This is our home and I can never, Gen," Senku sighs into his lips that is mere centimeters away, forehead pressed on his and Gen cannot escape this anymore. "I can and will never hate you."

"You left me!"

"That's because I wanted to give you space to think. One week would be enough to calm you down even though I have been itching to return ever since I closed the door and left."

"You still -"

"I am here now, Gen. And you cannot chase me away this time no matter how many attempts you try. I'm not leaving."

"They all did - why didn't you?"

"Because I am not them, Gen. I told you I won't leave."

"Why are you doing this? You're just lulling me into a false sense of security -"

"Gen, I love you."

Gen tries not to choke at his own tears and spit and presses on.

"I said all of us was suffocating and smothering -"

"I love you."

"And that I know deep within you must hate how I am so selfish and an asshole-"

"I don't, and I love you."

"I kicked you out of your own home and when you left I just wanted you back and -"

"I know. I love you, Gen."

"And - it's just suffocating how I just wanted to be happy with you Senku. I am happy with you but a voice in my head was so against this and -"

"I love you."

"I'm sorry - i'm just so sorry Senku but I can't let go of us even though I am making this so complicated and shitty and I cannot promise that there won't be more of this but please," Gen sobs, teeth clenched and his hands fisting the shirt Senku wears. "Promise me you won't leave."

Senku presses a chaste kiss on Gen's lips.

"Yeah, I promise."

It wasn't much, Gen supposes but this little thorn that was a broken piece of him that's stuck somewhere was finally removed. To be honest, there were a lot of these broken shards scattered within him and it's still scary, he is still apprehensive and so full of worry but for the time being -

-Gen finally listens.

So he surrenders - his body limp against Senku, his arms wrapping itself on the scientist's neck as he bawled his eyes out because for once within this month - he was crying out of relief and Senku's returned to their home.

It's their home.

One step at a time - he can do that much right?

For once, this is enough.

///

Personal thoughts - Gen should have therapy because his anxiety was striking badly and affecting his relationship with Senku ajdshkjadh he has too much emotional baggage from past relationships and probably from shitty family matters too. this baby boy needs to get help :(((

ngl, it crossed my mind to make a sequel wherein Senku is also bound to break under the heavy mental stress load because he's still just a person and as much as he loved Gen to his very core, being a human prevented him from loving Gen beyond everything. idk if i'll ever do such a fic - but im putting it the idea out there heh Also, here's the link to ao3 if y'all wanted to read it there better - but I'm actually more active in posting here since it feels weird to put not-quite-fic-not-quite-drabble in there HAHAHA

#sengen #heavy angst #one shot #drst #dcst #ishigami senkuu #asagiri gen #gen needs a hug #and a therapy #actually everyone in drst needs therapy HAHA #heavy dialogue too #i tried #*tries not to cry #good ending i promise

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bluegarners · 3 years

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fanfic writer 20 questions

tagged by the wonderful and lovely @biromantic-nerd

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 18!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

171089 words! that’s crazy tbh considering one fic comprises of 46% of that number

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3, I’ve published for only two fandoms: DC/Batman and Marvel/Spider-Man~ it used to be three, but i ended up discontinuing (maybe?? idk it’s been over three years dkjfhskjdfb) a Naruto fic. honestly, it should just be one since 17 out of 18 fics published are for DC lgjslfjdfs

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

a storge for you ~ 670 kudos (DC)

Tomorrow Is Not Tonight ~ 344 (DC)

mainstay ~ 304 (DC)

Enmity ~ 264 (DC)

even atlas crumbled beneath the weight (but i won’t) ~ 245 (Marvel)

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!! i make it a point to respond to every comment i get because it means the absolute world to me that people read my stuff and even take the time to tell me that they liked it! personally, i get so excited whenever an author responds to one of my own comments, so i like to do the same!

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oof, tough one.... i think it’s a toss up between Natural Disaster and approbation for the dead since both of them are largely surrounding how Dick dealt with the news of Jason’s death. honestly though, i have been told that most of my ending are angsty (true) so it could really be any fic alfhslkdjf

7) Do you write crossovers?

nope! i’m just not into enough fandoms to actively want to write a cross-over and publish it. a couple years ago when i was super into Naruto and Marvel, i had a lot of wips for a crossover between those two but never got around to fleshing them out

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

hmmm once or twice? when i was on ffn more, and i was still actively publishing for that Naruto fic i more-or-less shelved completely, i would get a few harsh criticisms, but it wasn’t really hate. i hadn’t gotten any on ao3 until about a week or two ago where someone commented and basically complained about the premise of the fic (of which i am 100% sure they either didn’t read or just skimmed through) but i wouldn’t really call it hate

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope! i am not comfortable writing sex related things, at least not to the point where it’s called “smut” and i don’t think i ever will be

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’ve come across!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! i think it’d be really cool if it happened one day though... just the idea that someone liked the fic enough to want to spread it around in another language so someone else could read it is soooo amazing

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! honestly, i am very exact with what i want to happen in a fic, so i don’t think i’d be a very good collaborate concerning that... i did used to beta a lot back in 2018 and 2019 though, and the main person i beta-ed for did a lot of world building and i helped them with that, so i am going to say, yesn’t

13) What’s your all-time favourite ship?

hmm i’m not too big into shipping but i do adore Dick/Kori. i’ve seen them across so many different forms of media and their dynamic is sooo good every time. i feel like they are just made for each other, their relationship is so beautiful

14) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

ahhh there are so many, but i started writing a Banana Fish fic and i have an entire plot on my phone, but i just don’t think i’ll ever have the time to actually get anything down for it even though i would really love to

15) What are your writing strengths?

i’d say emotion? or maybe characterizations? i really love getting down and dirty into the minds of the characters i write, and since my plots are typically very angsty and hurt/comfort, i have been told quite a few times that the characterizations make people tear up (in a good way!) and that they can see said character actually doing/saying the things i’ve written for them

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

getting to the point, probably. i get long winded with the fics i write because i focus so heavily on character rather than actual plot. so, fics that shouldn’t have been longer than 2k are 7k or more, and my biggest example for that weakness is a storge for you. the average chapter length is about 9.8k and i know for a fact that what was supposed to be a single chapter somehow evolved into a 50 page mess, so i had to split it into two

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

when it’s done well, and i think a lot of @/dustorange’s fics do this wonderfully, it is so brilliant and heartfelt to read. when it’s done for the sake of shoving “hey look this character is bilingual” in your face, it honestly feels a bit cluttered and unnecessary. i don’t really mix languages together in my fics because i don’t really know much else other than English and Latin, so i don’t want to be disrespectful by throwing words of a language i don’t speak into random dialogue

18) What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Naruto! i absolutely hated that Sakura got nerfed so hard in the show/was portrayed as really weak because she was compared to people with literal *hacks* in their genes, so i was obsessed with bamf sakura fics. and then i got bored after reading all of them and decided to write my own kjdfhskhfd i really liked the time-travel aspect of Naruto fics, so i decided to incorporate that too but then the plot got wayyy too big for me to handle, and that’s one of the reasons i kind of.... dropped it. and because i keep hinting at it, here’s the fic: War Happened

19) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

it’s gotta be a storge for you. it is my literal baby and i have sooo many plans for it. i’ve been pretty pleased with the way it’s going and how it’s been received so that makes me love it a lot more! i think The Call is a very, very close second though because it was the first fic i ever published for DC and it holds a very special place in my heart

20) Who do you tag?

i would love to tag:

@daringyounggrayson & @newsical & @ckbookish

#tag game #writer asks #asks #biromantic-nerd #thank you for the tag love!! this was so much fun to do #long post

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aphroditestummyrolls · 3 years

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Tagged by @raedear XD THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME

Fandoms: The Old Guard and Spartacus and (how far back am I supposed to go??? Just ones I currently write for??? or... through my AO3 page? You couldn’t pay me to dig up the SPN and Glee on my FF.net account...) Star Wars, Stranger Things, and the Steve Rogers Cinematic Universe.

Two shot: I have several. I love a two shot, they’re the happiest medium between the commitment of a super detailed long fic and the instant gratification of a oneshot. My most popular two shot of 2020 was Sono Qui-- and I love her. I love her so so much. I haven’t written a two shot in 2021 yet.

Most popular multi-chapter: I feel like it should be an Old Guard fic, but it’s not haha for 2020 or 2021! Gaining Heart is, by a huge margin, my most popular (and ONLY) long fic in 2021. We’ll see how long it takes for Color and Light to eclipse that, but I do love this little story. Very proud of her. She’s the longest story I’ve written since I wrote The Kes Verse.

For 2020, in a surprise to no one but me, who forgot The Kes Verse was written in 2020 and not a MILLION YEARS AGO-- is Love Will Help You Heal. The first of 5 stories in The Kes Verse. My beloved Star Wars series, I will finish you one day!!! I owe so much to this story, and I will always love her.

Actual worst part of writing: There is, without fail, a time in writing any long fic, where I’m in the middle of writing and then convince myself that not only is it just bad, but it’s bad because my characters have warped throughout my chapters and now they are completely unrecognizable from who they were at the start. It is... the worst. And I have to go back and reread every single chapter, EVEN THOUGH I have outlines for every single chapter with character development and mapped out their development in all their color-coded glory. I still have to reread my entire story up until that point-- AGAIN.

It’s very tiring. I could so easily just reread my outline, but OCD says No. You must agonize over how many times you’ve used the word Gut, and decide that that makes your character OOC somehow. (????)

How you choose your titles: I usually have it figured out by the end of the story if it’s a one shot, or had it planned from the time I finished the outline for a long fic. It’s almost always something a main character says in the story that illustrates the Thesis of The Piece. Sometimes, it’s named after the line in the showtune that inspired it (there is ALMOST ALWAYS a showtune that inspired it).

Do you outline: Girl. My theydies. DO i OUTLINE? The amount of outlining and re-outlining is ridiculous. Did you miss the color-coding? Sometimes, I beat this dead horse so much just with the outline that I’m burnt out by the time I try to start the story, and then it never gets done. I have a graveyard of notebooks.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but it would be nice: I have a graveyard of notebooks.

Callouts @ me: Why does everything need to be outlined and world-built and plotted as a ten-part series??? You will never finish that, you dumb bitch!!!

Best writing traits: Everything has a purpose. My themes have themes, my characters always have an arc-- even if it’s 2k of PWP, there is a NARRATIVE. Even if it’s to strategically make one or two things “not that deep”, they always have a reason to be there.

Spicy tangential opinion: lol mutuals can DM me if they wanna hear me get salty. I’m not bleeding into the fandom shark tank.

TAGGING SOME FOLKS WHO DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS IF THEY DON’T WANNA: @cactusdragon517, @rhubarbdreams, @frogsarebxtches, @knoepfchen, and @lareinedulune!!!

#tag game #writing #fandom #the old guard #tog #spartacus #star wars #the kes verse

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sankyeom · 3 years

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belle’s 2020 tumblr wrap up

i almost didn’t make one of these because i lost my laptop charger on my flight home to california and i didn’t want to type this out on my phone but after being tagged in so many people’s wonderful end-of-year messages (thank you @sunlightwoo @heartyyjeno @atbzkingdom @chaoticdeobi @xfirebenderx @fairyoftbz and for including me thus far 💗) i decided i had to join this beautiful love fest and end the year on a good note!

m i l e s t o n e s (personal and for the blog) ✨

◇ on february 17th 2020 i started stanning (and eventually ulting) the boyz! ↳ this is important because i had been listening to the boyz’s music since no air era, but never watched their videos or learned the members’ names. after stanning the boyz, i was introduced to my beautiful deobiblr, which is such a warm and welcoming community. i met most of treasured mutuals through this community and honestly don’t know what i’d do without it!

◇ on april 23rd 2020 i reached 1,000 followers on my blog! ↳ this was very special to me because i have previously reached 1k followers on many different platforms (quotev.com, wattpad, a different tumblr blog, etc.) but after not writing for a long time i was worried people wouldn’t like my writing anymore or that i wouldn’t be good at it after taking a break. reaching this number was surreal for me and it made me realise that i wanted to study creative writing in university, which i am now doing!

◇ on may 30th 2020 i graduated high school! ↳ i graduated with honours and a 4.0 along with a lot of life-long friends that i had made in the two years i spent at my competitive, college-prep private school. i faced a lot of hardships but eventually got through it and i am a better person for it. congratulations to all the graduates who didn’t get the graduation they all dreamed of, you did something spectacular this year!

◇ on august 24th 2020 i started university as a creative writing major! ↳ 2020 was a crazy year for everyone and it made picking which uni to go to really hard, but there was one uni in particular that loved my admissions essay and wrote to me personally saying they would love to have me in their creative writing program, which really touched me and interested me in this uni. i’ve always been someone who finds academics really important so i had gotten multiple scholarship offers from different “higher ranking” universities, but i was able to learn what was important to me in picking a school that would both foster my learning and make me feel at home.

◇ on september 21st 2020 i got my first ever B on a test! ↳ and i was really happy about it. in high school i strived to get 100% on every test and would have panic attacks when i got even a single point off. i wish i was joking, but that’s the truth. i’ve always been a perfectionist and i wanted to have a more healthy relationship with my personal expectations in university. being in uni helped me to pace myself academically and learn to juggle doing fun things – like this lovely blog – alongside studying. i still managed to get all As in my final grades for this semester, but i really loved letting myself get Bs and take breaks.

◇ on october 18th 2020 i reached 2,000 followers on my blog! ↳ if you read how important reaching 1k to me was, you can probably guess how amazing and emotional this was for me. not only did i have enough followers to fill three of my high schools, but i had made a lot of friends at this point, and that was so special to me. i had also never done a special series to celebrate a milestone, and as i stand here on december 31st with 2,457 followers, i have yet to finish my 2k celebration due to taking a short break from writing. don’t worry though, it’s all coming very soon!

◇ on november 29th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a masterlist! ↳ facade? was my first social media au masterlist to reach 1,000 notes and when that happened, it truly blew my mind. i have no words to describe how special that moment was for me. a lot of people loved it because they resonated with the main character or because they found all the plot twists fun, and i really love that so many people enjoyed it and gave it a chance, despite the general plot being quite common.

◇ on december 7th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a fic! ↳ he loves me, he loves me not was my first one shot/fic to reach 1,000 notes and my second fic ever to reach 1k notes, which was literally crazy. so many people have reached out to me about that fic and how much it resonated with them and their experiences, and i just loved that this was the first written fic i ever had reach 1k notes because of the emotional implications.

m u t u a l s 💛

i have so much love and appreciation for you all, it’s unreal. i’m a very shy, often times insecure, and quiet person so i have a hard time reaching out to people. this means that minimal interactions actually mean a lot to me, so please never think that i don’t love or support you guys just because i’m a little quiet. that being said, here are some mutuals who i have gotten to know better in 2020 and a little love letter for you each 💌

@xfirebenderx

💌 nani, you were one of my very first mutuals here on tumblr back when i ulted seventeen and literally never spoke to anyone or interacted with people other than the few anons in my inbox. you made me feel comfortable and welcome here on tumblr, and i’ve always seen you like an older sister figure because of that. your enthusiasm and support are often times unparalleled because you never hold back anything and i am in awe of how lovely you are. thank you for having my back this year and making me feel so supported! 🌟

@chaoticdeobi

💌 bea, you’re such a ray of sunshine and brightness in my life and on my dash, i’m in awe of how much of a social butterfly you are! you were one of the reasons i started writing for the boyz because i felt excited when i read your fics and i was extremely impressed with how immersive your writing was (and still is!). aside from your amazing writing abilities, you’re truly someone who i feel comfortable with even though we haven’t spoken that much privately, and you have an amazing gift of making people feel accepted and at home. thank you for being a wonderful brightness in my life this year! 🌼

@heartyyjeno

💌 alesha, i’ve said this to you many times before but i truly treasure you as a person and as a friend. you are without a doubt one of the most supportive and uplifting people that i’ve met on tumblr, and i can always rely on you to make me feel like i’m loved and a good writer, especially on days where i feel like i’m neither. i know that 2020 has been a struggle for you and i wish i could have done more to support you, so i hope you take this love letter as evidence of how loved you are and how much i cherish you as a person and as a friend. thank you for being my rock this year! 🌷

@httpsohnpouts

💌 rosie, you are someone who is very dear to me and i always feel so lucky to be your friend! we’ve spoken quite a bit this year and i loved getting to know you and finding out we stan/ult so many of the same groups! i loved gushing over dark haired eric, seunghoon from cix, and blackpink’s comebacks with you this year so much because it made me feel much closer to you! you’re always one of the first people i send love chains to on tumblr and i just really appreciate your lovely energy every time we interact. thank you for being a caring friend for me this year! 🌹

@stealerz

💌 qiu, first of all your url change is absolutely adorable and i’m a huge fan. second of all, your writing is so stunning and it was also another reason why i wanted to start writing for the boyz this year! you’re somebody who i often see on my dash and try to interact with, and it always feels a little surreal when you gush over my writing because i look up to you in that sense. you are such a lovely friend who i don’t talk to very often because i’m shy, but i feel like you’re always around to remind me that you support me and just make me feel loved here on tumblr. thank you for being an inspiration to me and sending me so many cheerful love chains on tumblr this year! 🌻

@neoskidz (i wasn’t sure which of your blogs to tag so i’ll add @chocolattees just in case)

💌 elsie, i always feel undeserving of your hype and excitement when you comment on my fics or leave me lovely asks in my inbox to sing my (absolutely undeserving) praises. you’re someone who seems very bright and warm-hearted so i always feel comfortable around you, and i only wish i could have praised you and given you as much love as you did for me in 2020. i love when you randomly pop up in my inbox and i love to hear about how you’re doing because i feel like it’s the least i can do to show you that i support you and am always interested to hear what you’re up to! thank you for reminding me that friends can come from anywhere and for always being so compassionate this year! 💐

@deobienthusiast

💌 k, i always look forward to when you reach the latest chapter of my social media fics because i’m always living to hear your reactions to them! i always feel so lucky that you interact with me and reach out so much because i’m shy and it makes it a lot easier for me to talk to you and actually get to know you. i love that we stan so many of the same groups and can always gush about cix and the boyz together, especially when we tag each other under any posts that have to do with blond baejin. you are honestly someone who i feel very relaxed with because we talk so often and have so many of the same interests, i really appreciate your presence in my life. thank you for being someone who i can talk to about my fics and all of our bias wreckers this year! 🌈

@atbzkingdom

💌 dee, i’ve said this before but you’re a literal ray of sunshine to me and you warm me up like the sun with all of our interactions. i always love to hear your comments about my fics because you never hold back and always unleash so much excitement onto me that i can’t help but reciprocate and allow myself to get super hype and happy. you have an ability to make me open up and actually feel excited about my friendships here on tumblr and my own writing, which can be really hard for me sometimes. i’m blessed that you look up to me and i have to say that i absolutely look up to you as well, in more ways than just your writing! thank you for being my personal hype-man and helping me come out of my shell this year! ✨

@lsangyeons

💌 yu, i think you are seriously so damn talented it’s actually unbelievable. not only are you an amazing writer but your designs, sketches and other amazing works of art are just so inspiring and i find it incredible that you’re so multifaceted. you’re always someone who i think very genuinely wants to know how i’m doing and is always ready to catch up and share what you’re working on with me, and i find that really illuminating and fun because you’re so talented. thank you for reaching out to me so often and making me feel comforted this year! ❄️

@fairyoftbz

💌 rosy, i am totally kicking myself right now for not reaching out as often as i wanted to because i feel like we get along well and we could be really close if i wasn’t so shy and bad at keeping up with my asks/mentions. i think you’re a lovely person and i’ve felt so fortunate to have gotten to know you better this year. as i mentioned before, you’re a very thoughtful person and i look forward to getting to know you better in 2021! thank you for being a supportive friend to me this year! 🪐

@sunlightwoo

💌 gina, i adore you, and that’s the absolute truth. i’ve been so happy that we were able to connect this year and become friends because you are a fiercely supportive and lovely mutual to have. i have to thank the kpop gods for getting you to start standing the boyz so we could meet and be friends after all this time. i love how you yell and gush about my fics because it makes me feel like i’m actually writing something people like and not just rubbish that i come up with in my head, and you make me feel grounded and supported, which i can only hope to reciprocate just as enthusiastically to you! thank you for being a fiercly kind and supportive friend to me this year! 🌠

here are some people who i haven’t interacted with much (because, like i’ve said, i’m terribly shy and don’t interact with people much in general (feel free to reach out though i would love to chat 🥺)) but still wanted to mention! i love and appreciate you all for replying to my posts, recommending my fics or just posting really amazing content here on tumblr for us all to enjoy, and that i’d love to get to know you better in 2021!! @1ovejisung @jenoleeaesthetic @thepixelelf @honeycobie @tbzwurld @meltingjukyu @mae-gi-writes if i’ve forgotten everyone i’m terribly sorry but also very jetlagged and bad at keeping track of my friends xx

a n o n s 🦋

i’m grateful to everyone who joined my anon list this year and i’ve genuinely enjoyed all of our interactions so much! i wanted to give a short thank you to a few specific anons but i also love my other anons, 🐝 anon, 🧸 anon, 💫 anon, 🦋 anon, 🥯 anon, 🍇 anon, 🌜 anon, 💒 anon, and 🦕 anon a lot and appreciate you all! thank you for joining my anon list and i hope we can continue to get to know each other in 2021!

🤍 anon 💌 you always check on me and ask me how i’m doing, and i feel so comfortable around you it’s like talking to a friend. we always talk about anything and everything and i appreciate that you’ve been such a constant in my life this year!

🌱 anon 💌 my sweet deobi 🌱 anon! i love gushing about the boyz and my social media fics with you, it’s always so fun to see how passionate you are and it’s honestly everything to me.

🐹 anon 💌 you really feel like a sibling or a friend to me because you’re always telling me to take care of myself and encouraging me to take breaks and be happy. i want everything that you encouraged me to do for you as well and i hope that you take care of yourself and stay healthy/safe!

🐱 anon 💌 literally the absolutely king/queen of getting involved in my fics and gushing to me about how every chapter made you feel. i love seeing your responses and i’m always so touched when you leave me simple messages telling me to have a good weekend or asking me to be your friend. we are absolutely, 100% friends my love!

🔮 anon 💌 you’re my most recent anon but i feel like we’ve known each other forever now! we talk quite often and i always love it when i see the little 🔮 emoji in my inbox because i love how enthusiastic and understanding you are. thank you for deciding to join my anon list so we could become closer!

f o l l o w e r s a n d r e a d e r s 💘

i doubt that all 2,457 of my followers are going to see this, but i’m going to write this as if you all will anyway. thank you for being here and for caring about my content enough to hit the follow button. numbers don’t mean much and are quite arbitrary, but i still think that it’s amazing that there are 2,457 of you cuties who put up with me. to those of you who don’t follow me but read my fics/like and reblog my posts, thank you. i personally see those things as small praises and/or appreciations for my efforts and i wish i could tag you all here to tell you that i love and appreciate you, but tumblr won’t let me and i think most of you wouldn’t want that either. i couldn’t make a love letter to the people that shaped my 2020 without addressing all of you, so i hope that some of you decided to give this a read. i appreciate you and i want you here, healthy, and safe on this planet. please take care of yourselves as i would love to take care of you. x

#babbles #belle's babbles #magical mutuals ✨#wrap up #2020 wrap up

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waywardfangirl · 3 years

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Both @captain-aralias and @palimpsessed did really nice posts to share their fics from this year as well as their thoughts on what they wrote, and I enjoyed reading their posts (and their fics!) so much that I thought I would take them up on their open invitation to do one too! I’m a big believer in keeping lists of your accomplishments to look at on days when self-doubt creeps in, so I encourage anyone else who might be interested to do this too! (All the questions are copied from @captain-aralias)

List of Completed Fics this year:

I wrote ten fics this year, as well as starting a ton of WIPs, which is amazing to me, considering I have only written fic once before in my life!

Slow - General, 3k

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore - Teen, 28k

Promises - General, 3k

A Privilege to Love You - Teen, 7k

Early Riser - General, >1k

Write This Down - General, 3k

As You Wish - Teen, 13k

The View from the Veranda - General, 4k

Down By The Sea - General, 2k

Just Want You to Know Who I Am - General, 1k (written in 2020, posted in 2021)

Total: 10 fics, 67k words, 100% Snowbaz

Pretty good for what is truly the first year that I have been an active participant in fandom!

Questions answered below the cut.

Best/worst title?

A Privilege to Love You is my favorite title, because I think the line is just so sweet, and it makes my heart melt.

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is definitely my worst title, because that was just the placeholder name I gave the WIP, but then I got so used to it I forgot to change it to something better before posting. I still cringe a bit at that one.

Best/worst summary?

l am horrifically indecisive, so I have a few summaries that I like. Just Want You To Know Who I Am is short and sweet, and I think it conveys exactly what I want it to:

Baz is fine. He's fine. Everything is fine. (It just isn't.)

~A fic about being loved in all the little ways~

But I also really liked the quotes I pulled for The View from the Veranda, As You Wish, and A Privilege to Love You.

Early Riser also has a summary that I let break my heart:

Baz wakes up early now, even though Simon doesn’t.

I does very little to convey what the fic is about, but after reading the fic it hurts like I wanted it to, sooo.....

I think that Promises has the worst summary though:

Inspired by the song "Promises" from the musical Hadestown.

Simon and Baz have spent the last three years working on themselves and on their relationship. Now it's time for their next step together.

Best/worst first line?

Baz says it best to open The View from the Veranda:

I am not a man accustomed to enduring want.

However, Simon deserves an honorable mention for starting us off right in As You Wish:

Baz is such a prick.

As for worst opening lines, I don’t really think I have any. I have some that stand better as an opening paragraph than an opening line, but I place a lot of importance on the first line of a story, so I like to make sure all mine are strong.

Best/worst last line?

I am not going to spoil any last lines for anyone (I cover up the last page of books when I read to reveal it slowly, word by word, so I take last lines seriously!), but I will say that As You Wish has an adorably predictable last line that I love.

For worst last line, I have to say Slow. I liked the line itself when I wrote it, but then I learned later that people were interpreting it in a more steamy way than what I had intended, and because I feel like Slow is such an innocent fic and really highlights how important it is for Simon to not be rushed into every decision he makes, I don’t like that it sounds like he and Baz rushed into something else. (I just meant that they talked and maybe kissed a bit! That’s it!)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

On December 31st, 2019, I was pet sitting when I came across a prompt for a Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement Snowbaz AU. I impulsively started to write, even though I had only written one other fic in my life (Check, Please!), and I had never written Snowbaz before. I kind of thought that maybe I would write one fic and that would be all, and that maybe one fic is all I would ever write, but I am so happy to have been wrong about that! I wrote way more than I could have predicted, and I even did NaNoWriMo! (I failed NaNoWriMo too, and I’m okay with that, because I want writing to be something I do for fun, not something that stresses me out.)

As a fun side note, Carry On is a fandom that I have returned to many times in my life, and it seems to have a special place on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day for me. I was given Fangirl as a Christmas present, and started reading it on New Year’s Eve, only to finish it and realize that the new year had arrived while I was engrossed in the book. I have spent multiple New Year’s Eves since engrossed in a reread of the book, or reading fic, and so it feels really fitting that I got into properly writing fic for Carry On as the year turned over.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Literally all of this was unexpected, as I never planned on writing any more fic, but I think I am most surprised to have written multiple songfics. I never read many songfics, and didn’t often care for them, but I wrote Promises off of the song from Hadestown, Write This Down off of George Strait’s song, and then Just Want You to Know Who I Am because Caity got the Goo Goo Dolls stuck in my head.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

My favorite might actually be my most popular, so I’ll go with my close second favorites (it’s a tie)

A Privilege to Love You is a soulmate au, and those are my favorite things ever. I also received some of the best feedback on this one, and I feel like I did a lot of things that worked really well in this fic.

The View from the Veranda is just so wonderful for me though, it combines my love of history with absolute silliness for a friend (I love you Liz!!!), @krisrix did some INCREDIBLE art for it, and I just had so much fun writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

As You Wish was the most popular, hands down, with more hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks than any other fic I wrote. It’s also the fic of mine that I reread the most, because it makes me so happy and I love all the silly moments.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is probably the answer here. This isn’t entirely backed up by metrics, since it does have more hits and kudos than some of my other fics, but for how long it is and the work that went into it, I think it only got a portion of the attention I was hoping it would. That’s mostly my fault though! It was the first fic I wrote for this fandom, and so I have definitely grown as a write since! Additionally, while I feel like it has a lot of great moments and fantastic lines, I have some lackluster bits too, and it really suffered from not having a beta (I was too shy to ask anyone back then). It’s also an AU of a movie that isn’t as widely viewed as I previously thought, so that didn’t help either, and as I already said, this fic could have a much better title.

All that aside though, the people who have read and talked to me about this fic have really seemed to like it, so I’m glad that I did right by my fellow Princess Diaries 2 fans! (and all of the wonderful people who read it and commented nice things having never seen the movie, y’all rock!)

Story that could have been better?

Everything I wrote before asking someone to beta. I just talked about what I would improve in We’re Not In Genovia Anymore, but Promises could use some work too. Having a few wonderful friends help me edit my fics has really improved what I post!

Sexiest story?

Oh gosh, I am not someone who writes sexy things.

Having said that, The View from the Veranda was written in the style of a bodice ripper, so I think that makes it the sexiest story by default. Kris’s art also enhances its sex appeal by at least 200% (I laughed out loud when I was making the list at the start of this post, because I had entirely forgotten that fic is rated G - honestly, that tells you everything you need to know about me, my romance novel fic can be read by children haha) (I might give it a T rating at some point, just because I feel like it should have that)

**I just remembered the bonus chapter for As You Wish.... that might be the sexiest thing I’ve written haha 🤣

Saddest story?

Early Riser - I am a big believer in giving everyone who deserves it a happy ending, but this one is just an interlude of sadness and depression without any resolution in sight.

(If you read it though, please know that in my head they do get therapy and things do get better! Snowbaz always has a happy ending in my fics, even if I don’t write it out fully)

Most fun?

As You Wish - this one to me feels like the happy chaos of running and sliding around a big house in stocking feet, and I don’t have a better way to describe it than that. There’s a tiny bit of angst from Baz, and a little bit of panic from Simon, but I was smiling and having so much fun while writing this fic, and I really think it comes across.

Story with single sweetest moment?

A Privilege to Love You - I’ll let you decide which of the many sweet moments is actually the sweetest ❤

Hardest story to write?

Promises, no question about it. I had written two fics by that point, and people had been so nice, and some of you lovely folks had even started tagging me in WIP Wednesday posts and in Six Sentence Sunday posts, but I felt like I had no inspiration left and I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to write again. So, I forced myself to write something, and it felt like pulling teeth (and it honestly wasn’t very good), but I gifted it to the person who had been my biggest cheerleader and who had tagged me a million times, and that’s how @foolofabookwyrm and I became friends. Writing the fic sucked, but her friendship is worth it, a million times over 💜💜💜

Easiest/most fun story to write?

The View from the Veranda. I’m a historian, and I work a lot with primary sources and spend time speaking with others in 18th century language, so once I got into my “work mindset” the words just flowed. This was also a silly, happy story for me, because I included a lot of jokes for Liz, and there are a ton of details that are just hilarious if you work at the same place I do (sorry that none of you do, but let me just tell you, the descriptions of Simon are all based off of my most attractive colleague, and at least 15% of this fic is silly quotes from work). I think this was only supposed to be about a thousand words long, and I messaged Kris multiple times while writing just to tell him that it was getting out of control and I couldn’t stop writing 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Writing for Agatha in We’re Not in Genovia Anymore really made realize how much some of her (canon) story resounded with me, and I liked the deeper character study I ended up doing for her. I’m still always going to be the most in love with Baz, but I have a deeper connection to Agatha now too.

Most overdue story?

It’s still overdue. I have so many WIPs, at least seven of which are soulmate AUs, and I just keep starting more. In terms of actual planned release date though? I started writing a The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue AU for NaNoWriMo, with the intention of publishing it in January. It’s already the longest fic I’ve ever written, and I don’t think I’m even a quarter of the way done with it. I wasn’t happy writing for NaNo, because I don’t do well with creativity on a deadline, and I chose to pause work on that fic so I can actually enjoy writing it and end up with something I like once I finally return to it. Apologies to those who are anxiously awaiting the fic, I do hope to finish it this year, and I won’t post until it’s all done, so you’ll get a very rapid update schedule when it does come out!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I signed up for my first fandom event! I participated in the Secret Snowflake event, and wrote Down By The Sea for the wonderful @fight-surrender (and ended up with ideas for some other new fics too)! Even though I was actively failing NaNoWriMo when I signed up, I did manage to complete my fic on time, and I learned that it wasn’t quite as daunting as I was expecting it to be. (My biggest problem was my laptop breaking and having to do almost everything on my phone - I also learned once again just how amazing Liz is, as she helped me format and post to ao3, since I couldn’t do that properly without a computer)

I struggle with being creative on a deadline, but wanting to write a little over 1k in a month was much more achievable than feeling stressed about writing 50k in a month!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

I like the idea of the inevitability of love. I adore soulmate AUs, because I love the idea of a universe where not only does someone have a perfectly matched other person, but that there is a surefire way to find them. Even though I only published one soulmate AU this year, I feel like every time I write Snowbaz I am writing about a couple where love will, inevitably, win. In my mind they are always going to have a happy ending somewhere down the line where they are just purely in love. Even though love doesn’t magically fix everything, it’s still incredibly powerful, and I only want to create stories where Simon and Baz truly love each other.

Of course, with that as the theme, A Privilege to Love You has to be the fic that best demonstrates the idea of inevitable love - it’s a soulmate AU and a universe where Simon exercises his free will.

What are your fic writing goals for next year this year?

Finish and publish my Gentleman’s Guide AU

Finish and publish more soulmate AUs (I have so many WIPs you guys)

Plan more before writing

Work on improving dynamic scenes and the overall flow of my fics - I sometimes feel like I have too many lulls, and I want to write in a more engaging way

Promote my own work more! I am partially doing this post because there are multiple fics that I never shared on here! I plan to make banners for all of the fics I write this year, and to post them on tumblr at the same time I upload them to ao3.

The last few years have been a time of tremendous personal growth for me, and I really feel like I’m starting to understand who I am as a person, settle into myself, and like who I am. I’m thrilled to discover that fandom is still part of who I am and what I enjoy, and that I have more creative outlets in my life now than I ever expected to. My biggest goal is just to keep building on all of that, to use fic to explore who I am, to reflect what I like, make myself happy with my writing, and to hopefully make at least a few of you happy with my stories too!

#2020 fics #my writing #about me #year in review #fic masterpost #fanfic year in review #my fic #snowbaz #carry on

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sunriseverse · 4 years

Note

rec listtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

fair warning there’s a lot of different fandoms here—i have, uh. twenty-two pages of bookmarks. lots of newmann though, i promise. in no particular order, i give you a fic rec list

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyen (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Years after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

Newt stares at him, expecting more. He doesn’t get any. “Come on, man, who are you? Maybe I’ve read something.”

I doubt it, Hermann barely catches himself from saying. “Gottlieb. Hermann Gottlieb.”

And Newt looks like he’s struck oil. “Oh my god,” he says, and something flickers behind his eyes, like there’s more than just recognition there, and before he can wonder any more about what it is, Newt blurts, “Oh my god!” and Hermann flinches and makes a face like a disgruntled frog.

What you can expect: emotions, opprotunities missed, and opprotunities taken. I absolutely adore this fic, though I might be biased by the fact that it has Newt as bipolar, and that’s something I always crave (more bipolar Newt fic when???).

Survival is for Nerds by Annabeelee (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 46k, Teen and Up)

It's three hundred and two years after humanity lost to the Kaiju and two hundred and twenty one since the Kaiju left. Not that it matters to Hermann. In relation to following a neurotic genetic experiment across whats left of the Northern American continent while dodging alien predators and hostile subgroups of humans, its possibly the least helpful thing to keep in mind.

What you can expect: scifi, tension, and a very intersting world. Post-apocalyptic, technically, but the way it’s written makes it almost hopeful. I love how the setting and writing makes it feel like a blend between victorian steampunk and futuristic in tone.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 10k, Teen and Up)

“I’m not you, Bond. I don’t exactly have a technique for getting rich strangers to like me.”

“Just do your naive cute puppy thing, and they’ll be doting on you in no time,” Bond replies as he pulls up to the grand estate.

“My what?” Q asks incredulously. Bond doesn’t answer, simply giving him an indulgent smile. The fucker.

(or: 00q meets Gosford Park. Except not really.)

What you can expect: humour, murder, and some light espionage. Also, fake dating.

Infinite Distance by lachatblanche (X-Men, Erik Lensherr/Charles Xavier, 7k, Teen and Up)

When they encounter an unfamiliar and seemingly-abandoned ship in the middle of nowhere in space, Captain Charles Xavier of the spaceship Graymalkin heads out to investigate.

What you can expect: drama! Intruige! It’s set in space! I read this a while ago but I have memories of it being rather riveting despite the relatively short length.

Gertrude’s Goulash by lollzie (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 7k, General Audiences)

Ed needs a new roommate. Oswald needs a room. Oswald may just be the most amazing person Ed has ever met. Shame he's not single. Cue wooing via the medium of cooking.

What you can expect: pining, misunderstandings, obliviousness, and a lot of goulash as a method of romancing.

Death Of The Author by happygolovely (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 9k, Mature)

Edward Nygma was never intended to be anything more than a secondary character.

The Riddler demands otherwise.

What you can expect: a story within a story within a story. You think you have it figured out, and the next moment the carpet is yanked out from beneath you. Fairly dark, possibly disturbing, but my goodness if it’s not engaging.

we make our friends, we make our enemies by ORiley42 (Mission: Impossible, Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt, 52k, Teen and Up)

Benji finds out he has a new neighbor. This new neighbor happens to be off-the-charts hot. Hijinks, friendship, more-than-friendship, and secret agent drama ensue.

What you can expect: pining. There’s spy stuff going on too, and it eventually gets brought up, but my gods, the pining. Also, it’s fucking hilarious, and, at just over fifty thousand words, the perfect read when you’ve got an hour or two and you want something that’ll make you both laugh and cry.

Self-Sabotage by EmilyweepsforPilfrey (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 2k, Teen and Up)

For some reason, whenever he's alone with Bond, the most ridiculous things come out of Q's mouth.

Or 'the one where Q accidentally invents a girlfriend'.

What you can expect: Q being an utter idiot. It’s hilarious. Nice quick bite of humour if you fancy it.

The Long Con by harleygirl2648 (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 19k, Teen and Up)

There are two kinds of cons: long and short. Short cons mean short-term gain, with smaller rewards, mostly just everything you have in your pocket at that moment. Long cons mean lots of time, effort, costumes, masks, props, sets, and other characters all looking to set up the downfall of the mark and take them for all that they've got.

Con Artist/Thieves AU: Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are both interested in acquiring a Botticelli, but both of them are quite fond of each other's short games. For both of them, it's the deception and thrill of the game that's worth more than the payout.

And well, after all, aren't the easiest people to scam are those who think they are smart enough to not get scammed?

What you can expect: no cannibalism, a lot of banter, and, of course, con artistry. Quite delightful if I do say so myself.

deus ex machina by coloredink (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 26k, Teen and Up)

"What the hell?" said Katz. "Is that--"

"Yeah, I know, it's kinda flashy." Will shut the car door behind him and patted his pockets for the little fob to lock the car.

"Isn't that Hannibal Lecter's car?"

The car beeped to indicate it was locked. "Yeah, I guess so." Will walked away, toward the field, Katz on his heels. "I needed a new car."

"So you bought the cannibal car?"

-----

You asked for it: the one where Hannibal is a murderous self-driving car.

What you can expect: what it says on the tin. Quite funny, especially with the element of magical realism meaning Hanni-car is sentient. The Hannigram is more vaguely implied than an actual thing, owing, probably, to the fact that Hannibal is, well, a car.

adapt, evolve, become. by peupeugunn (Alex Rider, Gen, 3k, Not Rated)

“This is how you get out. You're slowly moving towards a desk job.” A pause, then, “you know, most people do it the other way around.” Alex chuckles softly and and shuffles towards him to lean against his shoulder, burrowing into the crook of his neck. Ben’s arm winds around him, shields him from the world, a solid weight on his back. “You're going to miss the adrenaline rushes, kid.” There's something almost sad in his voice. Alex doesn't want to understand why. Down that road lies madness.

What you can expect: a character study, in a bit of a roundabout way.

A Sharp Dressed Man by Avelera (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Hermann's latest book needs an author photo. However, when he's given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.

Hermann decides to play along.

What you can expect: gods this fic is so good. It’s the first Newmann fic I ever read, and I’ve reread it a good six times since 2018. I would say more, but I think the fic speaks for itself.

Gestures by Actually_Crowley (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Teen and Up)

Newton finds out what Hermann does with his rare free time, but the discovery leads him to believe that Hermann honestly and unequivocally hates him.

What you can expect: the rituals are fucking intricate. I love this fic so so so much. And the eventual reveal/confession...scream.

Fate’s Horrifying Ways (also known as: CHRISTMAS GODZILLA) by linearoundmythoughts (Pacific Rim, Newton Geislzer/Hermann Gottlieb, 4k, Teen and Up)

Your name is Newton Geiszler and you’re going to have to break things off with your sort-of online boyfriend because you’re cheating on him. Sort of. [AKA the most dramatic summary of a humorous crackfic ever ok]

Originally written for the Pacrim Secret Santa back in 2014.

What you can expect: first off, it’s not second person, I promise. It is, though, really fucking funny, owing to the misunderstandings that ensue. There’s much pining, some angsting, and, of course, humour.

Letters From Berlin by spenshi (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Newton keeps in touch with his family when he's shipped off to the Shatterdome. Jacob and Illia send care packages to the K-Science Lab.

What you can expect: Geiszler-family feels. A lot of them. Also, Newt and Hermann slowly growing closer to until they can finally admit they’re into each other.

Wishbone by cypress_tree (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 8k, Teen and Up)

Hermann doesn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting. Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays.

What you can expect: fluff, softness, general feel-good fic. It’s really good, and it has Geiszler-family feels. Reading this fic is a bit like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day.

next days by catbeans (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, Teen and Up)

Hermann had never felt an ache quite like this one, and he had felt plenty. He had been running on adrenaline first, and then on the necessity to keep running, pain and bone-deep exhaustion falling to such a low priority that he couldn't even consider it one anymore, and then it had stopped.

(the 18 hour nap date these guys deserve)

What you can expect: Newt and Hermann cuddling. A lot. That’s really it, that’s the fic. It’s 100% indulgent and I love it for that.

Tebori by SkysongMA (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Newt squints. "It's really not a sex thing? 'Cause I'm not opposed to it being a sex thing, mind you. I just don't want to come in the lab tomorrow and not get to throw things at your stupid face."

Hermann lets out an endless, long-suffering sigh. "It's really not a sex thing, Newton, honestly. We hate each other. That's worked out very well for us so far, and it will continue to work out for us in the future." He doesn't mention that they haven't always hated each other and that, at one point in their long relationship, showing up unannounced at Newton's door for the purpose of sexual favors would not have been so far out of the realm of possibility. Had been, in fact, one of those things Hermann had considered late at night long ago, when he couldn't go a week without a fat envelope in the mail full of Newt's ramblings.

But that was quite some time ago, and he means it. They each get more work done than they would ever have separately, even if only because they like to rub their progress in the other's face.

Anyway, admitting anything different would just give Newt ammunition

What you can expect: Newt gives Hermann a tattoo. There’s a lot of feels.

Newt Inherits a Bar by orphan (Pacific Rim and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Not Rated)

The scary part is the bar looks exactly like Newt remembers.

What you can expect: you’ll probably tear up a bit. This one hits pretty hard, honestly, but it’s so, so, so good.

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozyme (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 20k, Mature)

Newt runs a simulation given three constraints:

1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju 2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju 3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

What you can expect: a lot of sciencing, a lot of feels, and two repressed idiots. There’s like, a paragraph or two of smut but it’s pretty clear when it’s going to happen so it’s easy to skip, which is great. The tl;dr of this fic is Newt clones some kaiju, Hermann reminds him how fucking horrible of an idea that is, and everything more or less works out in the end.

Tea and Sympathy by osprey_archer (Torchwood, Owen Harper/Ianto Jones, 13k, Teen and Up)

Soon after Jack's disappearance, Owen takes sick. Ianto goes to check on him.

What you can expect: crabby doctors, put-upon Welshmen, and a fuckton of emotions that everyone is trying to ignore. Not particularly happy, but then, when is Torchwood ever? It’s good while it lasts, though.

Pareidolia by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim and The Black Tapes Podcast, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 102k, Mature)

It starts as a profile of paranormal investigator and professional skeptic Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. But it seems the further journalist Newt Geiszler delves into his cases, the more mysterious Dr. Gottlieb becomes. What is he hiding? What is he looking for? What is the truth? What is the difference between a journalist's idea of truth, and a scientist's?

Seeing is not believing. Believing is believing.

What you can expect: suspense, mystery, horror, pining, and apocalypse cults, with a dash of an ambiguous ending. I love this fic so much. I literally would stop what I was doing to read it when I got an alert that there was an update when it was still a work in progress.

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by Skepticamoeba (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.

[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU--or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

What you can expect: the pining........the intricate rituals............the denial.........*chef’s kiss*

and I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by Lvslie (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 24k, Teen and Up)

He still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.

[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

What you can expect: wistfulness, pining, repression, denial, lots of feelings. You’ll probably tear up. There’s an achingly happy ending for both of them. This is one of the fics I want a hard copy of so I can mark it up because, fuck, I love it so much.

leave the car running by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 1k, Teen and Up)

It is clear that, after everything, Newt doesn't like to be touched.

What you can expect: touch starvation, mutual pining, Newt finally getting the human contact he deserves. I wrote my own version of this since it was initially a prompt, but quite frankly, I like Newton’s version better because it hits.

The Man Who Invented Sherlock Holmes by Calais_Reno (Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, 15k, Teen and Up)

John Watson, struggling young doctor, doomed to live an ordinary life, dreams of writing detective fiction. If he can just figure out his hero's name, the story will practically write itself.

What you can expect: Watson sort of, kind of, maybe invents a man into being. Oops. I haven’t read this one in a while but I remember it being quite a lot of fun. There’s elements of what I would say is probably magical realism, but it’s never quite clear.

Newton Isn’t Dead by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb and Vanessa Gottlieb/Karla Gottlieb, 32k, Mature)

Newton Geiszler is currently being possessed by a genocidal alien race known as the Precursors. They’ve taken over his body, leaving him a prisoner in his own mind. However, Newt has a totally awesome plan. He’s going to make a deal with them: let him prove that Earth is worth saving, and if he can’t do that, they can have his body. But convincing a hivemind full of mega-colonizers that one blue planet can be wonderful isn’t going to be easy. He’s going to need the help of his kind-of-ex Hermann, his best friend Vanessa, and one awesome Footloose remake to pull this off.

So, naturally, they go on a road trip.

What you can expect: pining, world-saving, eventual confessions and happy endings. I had the great honour of reading the chapters before they were published, and this fic is one of my top five favourite fics. There were multiple points where I yelled, both literally (quietly) and through text (slightly less quietly).

it takes time, but time moves slow by prettydizzeed (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 2k, Teen and Up)

Hermann conducts a cost-benefit analysis every class period of sitting in the back of the lecture hall versus walking down the stairs to the front. He wishes he had hard data for this, to get some actual statistics, and perhaps after a while, if he records his pain level and his ability to read the board and pay attention after each class, he will be able to predict the outcomes given either choice on a particular day.

Two curves, traveling in opposite directions, inversely proportional: pain goes up, concentration goes down. It’s comforting, somewhat, to make it a numbers game. Impersonal. Absolute. Not a tragedy, and not his doing, only his to interpret, a smudged scrawl across his left knee in an unfamiliar handwriting, his to analyze, to decrypt.

What you can expect: the fic may only be 2k, but it will leave you feeling like you were punched. It’s fantastic.

I Could Be Jew-ish For You by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 10k, Teen and Up)

When Hermann agrees to spend Chanukah with his family in an attempt to wheedle some desperately-needed funding out of his father, Newt insists that he shouldn’t face Lars alone and tags along as his “emotional support family rage distraction”. What they fail to realize are two things: 1. When Hermann brings Newt with him to the festivities, assumptions will be made, and 2. Newt may be half-Jewish, but he sure wasn’t raised as one.

What to expect: fake dating fake dating fake dating— (can you tell I have a favourite trope?) In which Newt is Jew-ish, Hermann is both exasperated and pining, Lars is disliked, and we all get the Jewish romcom we deserve.

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednights (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.

or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

What you can expect: feels. So many fucking feels. There’s no kaiju but that doesn’t mean you won’t be on the edge of your seat.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite (The Magnus Archives, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, 15k, Teen and Up)

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

What you can expect: tenderness, domesticity, and love. The perfect trifecta.

the truth about me (and the truth about me) by danimagus (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Teen and Up)

Newton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé.

Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

What you can expect: two words: fake dating. Gods, I love this fic, as Mary can attest from how I unceremoniously started screaming at her about it in her tumblr messages the day of/after it was published. This fic is great because it subverts the trope a bit, and thus avoids issues of consent that may otherwise have occured.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by thekaidonovskys (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 13k, General Audiences)

“Your eyes. Your expression. Your smile. I’ve worked with you for ten years, Hermann, and words have never been our primary method of communication.”

What you can expect: to be knocked the fuck out emotionally. This one hits pretty hard, and that’s what makes it so good.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 85k, Teen and Up)

“I need you to hide something for me.”

“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”

“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”

“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.

If only you knew, Newt thought.

What you can expect: intruigue, alien tech, light espionage. This fic will have your little nerd heart beating double-time. It’s very very good.

A Really Private Person by astolat (Person of Interest, Harold Finch/John Reese, 18k, Mature)

The end of the world started on a Wednesday in March.

What you can expect: badassery on Finch’s part. One of the few fics I have bookmarked for this fandom, and it’s bookmarked for good reason.

Party For Two by ProblemWithTrouble (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 18k, General Audiences)

“My mother’s parents have a home in the Black Forest that has a guest house. They’ve often allowed me to stay there when I could spare the time.” Hermann looked distant as if he were remembering something; the warmth of a fire and a nice book and the smell of freshly made tea. “It will be quiet, and possibly too boring for you-”

“It won’t be. I could use some quiet after the decade we’ve had. I could actually compile my research. And sleep. It sounds amazing.”

After the world doesn't end Newt and Hermann take a vacation together to live in a cabin and finally relax, as friends. Cue the pining, the longing, and the living together as best friends.

What you can expect: a fic that will wrap you up like a warm blanket. Mutual pining, vacationing together in a cabin, lots of feels—what more can you want?

Dream Drifting by MooseLane (Pacific Rim and Inception, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, General Audiences)

"You're running an extraction on that spastic PPDC biologist, is what I hear." Chau fixes him with a side-eye. "I know I wouldn't want to go poking around in that little bastard's head."

(There are not enough Inception x Pacific Rim crossover fics, so I decided to change that.)

What you can expect: Inception meets Pacific Rim. There’s no other way to say it, really.

I’ve Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy In New York) by gyzym (Inception, Arthur/Eames, 19k, Teen and Up)

Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte.

What to expect: Arthur is stressed, Eames runs a coffee shop, and, through the power of friendship and a lot of stress-baking, everything works out happily for our intrepid protagonist.

Kalimat/كلمات by rainbowagnes (The Old Guard, Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicolò di Genova, 3k, Teen and Up)

Yusuf translates medical texts for Niccolò from Greek and Persian into Arabic, and Niccolò spots the substratum of the ideas of the classical authors that he had once believed the basis of his own civilisation that he would go to the sword to defend, translated and passed down and sewn into a no longer foreign script. There are words Yusuf does not know how to translate. They will never, ever know all of the words. The prospect is thrilling. --- It takes Niccolò lifetimes to learn Arabic.

What you can expect: if you, like me, are, especially natively, multilingual, this might hit the sweet spot of Language Feels. It did for me. Also, Joe calling Nicky hayati? Yeah.

i never liked that ending either by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 15k, Mature)

You want a better story. Who wouldn’t? - Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Once upon a time Dr. Flick Tucker, K-Sci head of Biology, fought a bunch of highly scientific dragons to save the world. Then, they took over her life. It didn’t end well.

Once upon our time Dr. Newt Geiszler, marine biologist, sci-fi aficionado, and accidental discoverer of dimensional travel, got a chance to take her place. He has a couple of ideas.

In which Uprising is still a bad movie, musings on the nature of choice and personal autonomy are made, and somewhere, probably, a coin is showing heads every time.

What you can expect: everything’s fine this is a perfectly normal fic come here i want to cause you as much emotional damage as I can

Not Allowed by acedott (BBC Merlin, Gwen/Morgana, 1k, General Audiences)

Gwen has been dealing with self-imposed touch starvation since she was a child. Morgana sets out to challenge this.

What you can expect: gays. Pining. Touch starvation. Need I say more?

Rocky Horror Pancake Show by ChuckleVoodoos (Daredevil, Matt Murdock/Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, 19k, Teen and Up)

Foggy falls asleep at exactly 12:00 AM, and he’s making a wish. He wakes up at 12:00 AM too—twenty-four hours before he fell asleep.

"Let's do the time warp again!"

What you can expect: Ground-hog Day style time-loop, lots of fluff, and a happy ending.

Ain’t No Nancy Kerrigan by cleverqueen (DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, 13k, Teen and Up)

It's 1994, and young Lisa Snart's jumps aren't strong enough for an Olympic singles skater. Thankfully, her older brother has an athletic friend who can match her in pairs.

Mick Rory is hopelessly in love with Leonard Snart, though he'd never say anything about it, so he jumps at a chance to do Len's little sister a favor. If he's patient and works hard, maybe he'll even get to skate with her older brother.

What you can expect: pining, ice-skating, and general goodness. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it has a happy ending.

#rec list #ask #a good 40% of these are mutual pining but really who's surprised. i love a good mutual pining fic #hopefully all these links work because i spent. an inordinate amount of time compiling this.#let me know if any of the links need to be changed #c.txt

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one-d-library · 3 years

Text

Canon Compliant: Short Fics

Look, I’ve probably posted most of these fics before, but I’m not going to search my entire account to check.

show me devotion by mercutionotromeo {explicit, 1k, established relationship}

A ray of sunlight falls across Harry’s face, illuminating the halo of curls spread out on the pillow.

“Jesus, I love you,” Louis murmurs and pats his husband’s chest.

Harry grins wide, nodding to return the feelings. They share a moment of breathless smiles, still head over heels after all these years.

Still 16 and 18 at heart.

it’s just that it’s delicate by acciocreativity (condescendingsmirk) {not rated, 2k, baby boyfriends, x factor era}

Harry giggles sleepily and Louis’ heartstrings give a little tug. “Come snuggle, then?” he asks hopefully, blinking up at Louis slowly. He brings a hand up to rub at his tired eyes. “Body heat and all that.”

somewhere I can rest my soul by togetherwecouldbealright {general audiences, 3k, soulmate identifying marks, x factor era, non-au, baby boyfriends}

“I’m Louis Tomlinson,” the boy says, holding his hand out. Glancing down at it, Harry starts at the word beautiful written there, just along his pointer finger. It seems someone else knows exactly how stunning Louis is.

Willing himself not to act like a complete and utter prat, Harry takes Louis’ hand in his own and quietly murmurs, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Or, the AU where the way your soulmate sees you is tattooed onto your skin.

After Midnight by zarah5 {teen and up, 4k}

Louis hates how often people forget that Harry is only nineteen.

Take a Chance, Just Feed Me by yeah_alright {explicit, 4k, role play, smut, marcel AU}

He’s in the midst of marveling over how Harry can be simultaneously dorky and hot, how he can just be so… much... of everything at all times, when–

“Cute as a button, every single one of you!”

Oh no.

Just like that, Louis loses the battle against his own smile. The crinkles around his eyes deepen and spread out in a fan as his bottom lip breaks free from the grip of his teeth.

He’s done for.

Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along.

all those chandeliers of hope by usedtothebeach {teen and up, 8k}

Harry's friends keep surprising him with terrible Christmas gifts. He's less surprised that Louis is the reason.

Love you more than him by louissass {general audiences, 8k}

Louis woke up tired and sort of pissed off. He had been out the night before at some movie with his ‘girlfriend’, who he really didn’t like and was fucking tired of seeing quite frankly – even though it had only been a few weeks. But he didn’t have a choice, because Eleanor was his ‘girlfriend’, only there to make Louis look good in the media, because too many people were suspecting things about his sexuality (which Louis didn’t really get, let them speculate, it’s not as if they’re wrong).

Louis is tired of pretending to be someone he's not and just really wants to be with Harry.

cause with your hand and my hand tied up like two ships (you make me strong) by zimriya {mature, 9k}

Harry and Louis and firsts (and also some not quite firsts.) A love story told in first moments.

still I call it magic by soleilouis {explicit, 14k}

non-au. harry and louis before and after concerts throughout the last 4 years.

#canoncompliant #canoncompliantoneshot #xfactor #x factor #canoncomplianthiatus

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ohnococo · 3 years

Note

Heeey Coco! Thanks for all the works, it's really helping me getting thru the boredom of staying at home. I feel like you're one of the most productive authors around, really curious how you get the creative juice keeps coming tho? I write one fic and get tired for the whole week.

Thank you!! I’m happy my work is helping with some of the stay at home boredom ^-^

As for how I stay productive? It’s a combination of three things for the most part:

1. I seem to have a massive creative outpouring every other year where I write like crazy, it usually coincides with a hyperfixation ramping up so I probably won’t be quite so productive in the long run!

2. Speaking to y’all! Whether it’s mutuals or anons or casual chats on discord being able to speak back and forth with people keeps my brain working and coming up with ideas, or even playing off of things other people mention to write a little something.

3. Taking the pressure off of myself! Like #1 this is something that ebbs and flows for me, as I’m really good at putting an unnecessary amount of pressure on myself, but not being super worried about every single piece being a full blown 2k+ work where I’ve proofread it and edited it until my eyes hurt really helps. Honestly people are happy to even just read the smallest most half thought out little blurbs, because often times as inconsequential as something you’ve written may seem to you there might just be someone out there who enjoys it! And keeping that in mind helps me sit down and just start writing even if I feel like it’s not really going anywhere or not really “solid” work from me. (although i have a tendency to be extremely critical of everything I write so there are plenty of things that never see the light of day lol) Sometimes even the smallest bit of an idea can snowball into something bigger or worth posting.

At the end of the day though, it’s about finding your own flow and your own creative process. Some people write super long stories, some write short scenarios. Some write multi-chaptered in-depth fics, some write a bunch of one-shots. Some produce things often, while some don’t. All of these things can change from week to week as well too - and it’s all okay!!

I hope this helps of gives you some insight or... something, because I kind of ranted lol. Thank you again though for your kind words and support!

#anon #💛asks #cococs #writing stuff✨

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lnarizakis · 4 years

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critical thinking | a. keiji

masterlist | cards against humanity x haikyuu!!

pairing: akaashi keiji x gen!reader

foreword: this is around 2k words and honestly I’m kinda proud of myself like i think this is the longest fic I’ve written on here!! I hope you guys enjoy hehe

look out for: no warnings!

PREFACE. The setting: Akaashi Keiji and (L/N) (Y/N), with a painfully obvious crush on the former, are studying in the library. It’s one of the only days where the setter’s not practicing hard for nationals after school. They’re not really aware of the time, but it’s probably around 4:30. The sun’s shining brightly through the window, hitting all the right spots on Keiji’s face perfectly. He’s such a gentleman for choosing to sit facing the sun. It’s awfully quiet in the surrounding air, but between the two of them hushed whispers fill the atmosphere. From afar, it could be assumed that they’re having a heated discussion about the literature homework in front of them, debating the true meaning behind the significance of the light in the character’s eyes, but they’re discussing something a little unrelated. Well, perhaps the concept of “true love” could have been branched out from how (Y/N) suggested that the light in the character’s eyes could have been lit up because of the love he had for the deuteragonist, so in a way they’re still discussing the literature homework. But, no. Not really. I mean:

“Wait, so you don’t believe in true love? Like, the kind where you look into someone’s eyes for the first time and think— ‘Wow. I’m in love with them,” blurted out (Y/N) in a hushed whisper, absolutely exasperated with the fact that Keiji outrightedly stated that he does not believe in true love. Well, as far as (Y/N) interpreted the words “I really don’t think there’s such thing as love at first sight” goes, Keiji does not believe in true love.

“No, you’re getting the two mixed up. The kind you’re thinking of is love at first sight, as I’ve previously mentioned. True love is something else. True love is…” Keiji thought for a minute. He stayed silent, wondering what true love really is. He tapped his fingers on one hand, and played with his pen with the other. The notebook underneath both remained blank.

“True love is critical thinking.”

(Y/N) sputtered out, “You thought for a good one minute, and all you could think of what true love is is critical thinking?! You weren’t critically thinking there, Akaashi-san.” Keiji chuckled. That was funny. He smirked, as he let his eyes bring themselves down towards his still-blank notebook.

“We should get back to work, (L/N)-san. We’re here in the library for a reason,” Keiji stated, as a matter-of-fact. Dejectedly, (Y/N) muttered out that he’s right, and they get back to work. They agreed to disagree with their previous argument, about the significance of the light behind the main character’s eyes, and decide to write their own answer in their notebook.

After a good fifteen minutes, (Y/N) let out a sigh as they dropped their pen onto the table. They stretched out their arms, cramped from being used to write several paragraphs of pure BS-ing. Impulsively, they suggested, “You think true love is critical thinking, huh? Is there any way I can show you that it’s not all that?”

Keiji thought for a couple seconds, then pointed his pen towards (Y/N).

“See? I had to think for a minute if you were asking me out on a date. Critical thinking at its finest.” Oh, how he loved to tease (Y/N). They playfully rolled their eyes. “But alright. I’m game. Convince me, with everything you can, that true love isn’t all critical thinking.”

ONE. The setting: Akaashi was in his room, staring at his closet. It’s a neatly done closet, with all of his clothes sorted by color. He had just come out of his shower, and he had just finished drying off. His hair was still a little wet, but since it’s several hours before his first date with (Y/N), it’ll dry beforehand. He just needed to find an outfit. He had planned on doing so last night, but extended volleyball practice called and asked for all his energy to be spent. Bokuto just had to get those cross spikes in before nationals. He couldn’t forget, like last time. That was… a little embarrassing, to say the least.

He pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans along with a gray sweater that he hadn’t worn since his first year in high school, but it seemed to him that his shoulders have gotten a little too broad to fit loosely into that sweater. Looks like it won’t do; he might feel a little uncomfortable with the snug fit, and (Y/N) might feel a little odd with his constant shuffling, attempting to stay comfortable throughout the date. Back to the closet those two went.

Oh my. Black joggers and a hooded sweatshirt. Absolutely not. It was too casual. Keiji imagined himself wearing that while (Y/N) was wearing the nicest thing in their closet (well, perhaps not the nicest thing, but something still pretty first-date nice).

Keiji found a pair of looser jeans— but what to pair them with? He found a collared shirt and a lighter-colored sweater to go on top. In the depths of his closet he also found an overcoat, as well as an expensive belt the third-years of his volleyball team bought him for his birthday. He would definitely look nice with this. But wait— what were they going to do again? Just a simple outing at the cafe, right? This outfit was definitely too fancy for something like this. He couldn’t simply wear something like this at a cafe like that. Nope. Definitely not. Back to the closet the whole outfit went.

He gave up. He decided to go with the first outfit, the skinny jeans and the sweater. He was going to have a collared button-down underneath. He thought this would be best. Definitely. No doubt about it.

—

Walking towards the cafe, Keiji felt more uncomfortable by the minute. He felt his pants were too tight, or his collar kept unfolding itself every time he moved his shoulders. He felt like a clown in a circus; with everyone staring at him as he walked by different people on the sidewalk.

When he opened the door, he found (Y/N) sitting at a table by themself. They hadn’t ordered anything yet, but they were on their phone. Oh gosh, they’ve been waiting for him. It was all because he spent too long finding an outfit to wear. He really shouldn’t have put so much thought into that outfit. It was so unnecessary to think that much!

“Hey, you.” It was (Y/N). They stood up from where they were sitting, and beckoned Keiji to come closer, as he was currently blocking the entrance. He followed the little hand wave, and profusely apologized for being late, to which (Y/N) replied that it was completely fine; they actually had just arrived.

“You look nice.” (Y/N) broke the silence once more. They scanned Keiji up and down, smiling softly.

TWO. The setting: The sun’s setting and the sky’s a really pretty purple and pink. They’re walking home after what seemed like their fourth or fifth date. They weren’t really sure themselves, since (Y/N) keeps spontaneously asking them out on several dates. So maybe it was even the sixth. But who was he to judge, because right at this moment he stood underneath a street lamp that shone a bright yellow light with the love of his life. He was so proud to call them his. What he wasn’t so proud of, however, is how they haven’t had one, single kiss yet. That’s a little embarrassing. However, right here, seemed like the best opportunity to share his first kiss with (Y/N).

Uh-oh. How was he supposed to kiss them? Does he… place a hand on their shoulder? Or does it go on their waist, as he leans in and softly kisses them? No, that didn’t seem right. Maybe he places that hand behind the neck and brings them closer to him? No, that didn’t sound right either. Where does his other hand go? Does he keep it hidden in the pocket of his coat, or does he hold their hand? You know, for support? Or maybe he uses both hands to hold them by the waist. That seemed like the best option.

But wait— how does he… lean in and kiss them? Does he do it slowly? Just quickly give them a little peck on the lips and look away like a tsundere? Oh gosh, his lips were chapped; maybe he shouldn’t kiss them after all—

He’s given no time to think any more before (Y/N) leans towards him and places their lips against his. The kiss was a little forceful, and he felt their teeth, but it was still nonetheless wonderful. Once they pulled away, Keiji softly placed the tips of his fingers over his lips, ghosting the touch of what he had just felt.

“You just… kissed me,” he stated.

They smiled a toothy grin. “I did. You were taking too long; you were staring at me like a dead fish. Critical thinking, aren’tcha? It doesn’t get you anywhere,” (Y/N) taunted.

THREE. The setting: (Y/N) and Keiji stood outside the door to the gym, hand in hand. It was some time after practice had ended. The former felt Keiji’s hand getting clammy and sweaty, a result of keeping their relationship hidden for so long. Currently, they were about to announce to Bokuto Koutarou, proud captain and ace of their volleyball team, also being Keiji's best friend and closest confidant, that they were dating.

What was he to say? Akaashi was to word it in the most precise way, or else (Y/N) would get the wrong idea about what they meant to him, and their relationship might be extremely damaged. Or Bokuto might think that Akaashi’s setting volleyball secondary on his list of priorities, which is extremely worrying as part of the starting line-up for nationals.

Right on cue, the doors to the gym swung open. It was Bokuto. His skin glistened with sweat, a product of his hard work. He gave a long sigh, exclaiming his thanks for the cold air outside. His eyes were closed. Bokuto opened his eyes to see his junior and someone else that he had never seen before holding hands. Akaashi looked worried, to which Bokuto expressed his concern with an “Oya? Akaashi, what’s the matter?”

“Hi, Bokuto-san. My name is (L/N) (Y/N), and Akaashi and I are dating. We just wanted to tell you that.” (Y/N) blurted out, and Akaashi felt his cheeks grow slightly warm because of the sudden outburst of their confession. To Akaashi’s surprise, Bokuto laughed heartily. The ace clasped a sweaty hand on the setter’s shoulder.

“Oh! I’m proud of you, Akaashi. You managed to get ‘em! You’ve been crushing on them since forever.”

FOUR. The setting: It’s late at night. Akaashi’s older now; he’s a little more experienced with all of this “dating stuff.” He’s getting the hang of it— well, he should be, since there’s a little black velvet box sitting in the drawer of his nightstand in his bedroom. Akaashi has his own little apartment now, and (Y/N) has their own. They haven’t moved in together yet. Akaashi’s ready to propose to them. He’s got the best plan ever. He knows exactly what to do. There’s nothing that can disrupt the plan. First, he’s going to walk over to (Y/N)’s apartment, and they’re going to spend the whole day together, out and about. He’s then going to treat them to a nice dinner, which once they’re done, he’s going to present to them the ring. It’s going to be beautiful and meaningful. Memorable, even. Or, well, it was going to be beautiful and meaningful.

“You can’t sleep?”

“No… I had a nightmare that you left me.”

“Okay, come over and we can sleep together.”

Akaashi hung up the phone. Around ten minutes later, he heard a knock at his apartment door, and there he saw (Y/N), cold and out of breath. He let them in, and he led them into his bedroom.

—

And so we have it: Akaashi and (Y/N) were lying side-by-side on his bed, neither of them being able to go to sleep. The former setter turned to (Y/N) and they replicated his actions. He stared into their eyes.

“You know I love you, right? I could never leave you,” Ever the stoic boyfriend. (Y/N) still smiled softly, though, knowing he meant every word he said. Despite his cold exterior, his eyes radiate warmth.

“I know. I love you too,” they whispered.

“I want to marry you,” Akaashi accidentally blurted out. His eyes widened, and so did (Y/N)’s. Oh God, did he really just say that? Did he really mean it? Of course he meant it, what was he thinking?

Still in shock, (Y/N) asked, “Wait, do you really mean it?”

“I just… said that, right?” Akaashi let their question slip in and out of his ear.

“Yes. To both questions.”

Getting out of bed, Akaashi lowered his voice as he asked himself as well as (Y/N), “You’re serious, right? This is super spontaneous…” He reached for the closed drawer of his nightstand, and opened it up. He grabbed the black velvet box and opened it. Behind him, (Y/N) was sitting up in bed, wondering what he was doing.

And there he was, inching his way closer to (Y/N), holding out their engagement ring, to which they held out their ring finger. He slowly eased the ring onto their finger, face flushed with warmth and love while doing so. He looked up into their eyes.

“Looks like I wasn’t critically thinking there. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love from not just the mind, but also from the heart.” (Y/N) playfully slapped him on the arm.

“Keiji, you’re supposed to say that at our marriage, not right now!”

#haikyuuwritersnet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi keiji x reader #cadekagi

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bookdancerfics · 3 years

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Bookdancer's Writing Updates

hey so it's currently been a bit since i last posted or updated anything (according to ao3, the last time i did so was late february), so i thought i'd just give a list of what i've been working on

fics i've actively been working on and adding words to:

The West Wind Comes Walking

Lord of the Rings, gen

Summary: Boromir wakes up where he died. There’s still blood on his tunic, and holes where the arrows pierced him, and an echo of the oath he bore for Aragorn in his last moments… an oath he swears to uphold even in death.

currently less than 3k words but i don't expect it to be a very long fic, anyway. i'm just kind of daunted by what i want to write and worried that i won't do it justice

yes the title is from the "Lament for Boromir"

working title 1

Haikyuu!!, gen

no official summary yet, but it's a social media AU that covers the 2020 summer olympics mostly from the eyes of fans and reporters

yes i have been working on this since before 2020. no i am not changing anything now that the actual olympics are almost here and i'll probably finish the fic after them

this fic has 5.5k+ words and i still have a ways to go; it's taking a bit bc as fun as making a social media AU is, it also gets fairly repetitive at times and i'm trying to make it not do that

this is us trying, aka JZX+MNMN Bromance the Fic

MDZS / The Untamed, gen

Summary: 5 times Jin Zixuan and Mianmian have each other’s back, and the 2 times they don’t.

only 2k words right now, but i've finished 3/7 sections so we're further along than the word count suggests. i may also expand one or two of the sections, we'll see

title is from Taylor Swift's song of the same title bc i adore it

fics i should really finish at some point bc i already started them:

carry me into the flames (and set my heart on fire)

Spider-man & the Fantastic Four, Spideytorch AU.

Summary: Johnny is the only one to return from space without powers, but none of his teammates understand why it bothers him so much. The only one who even tries to understand is the weird new superhero who runs around with spider powers, swings by the Baxter Building for impromptu gaming sessions, and catches Johnny when he falls — figuratively and literally. And then Dr. Doom attacks while the Terrific Three are on mission, and Johnny’s whole life goes to hell in a very flammable hand basket.

i've had the beginning of this written for forever now and i'd really like to finish it at some point

Dear Mondays

MDZS / The Untamed, Wangxian modern day college AU

Summary: Lan Zhan’s new work lands him his own desk, or at least it’s his own until a second student joins the office. Lan Zhan works Mondays and Wednesdays, Wei Wuxian Tuesdays and Thursdays. They never see each other, so all Lan Zhan knows of the other boy is that he’s perpetually messy, enjoys making paper clip strings out of their shared office supplies, and has an incredible gift for making the sharpies run out of ink. Then he gets the brilliant idea to start leaving Lan Zhan notes, and Lan Zhan… well it would be rude to not write back, wouldn’t it?

i started this forever ago, have 3.5k+ words written already, actually really like what i have finished, and yet haven't touched it in months. i blame the fact that Jin Zixuan wanted to be my one and only favorite MDZS character

Liven My Body

The Hobbit, gen, Groundhog Day AU

no official summary yet, just "Bookdancer attempts to whump every dwarf who ever existed". but basically during the Battle of Five Armies, Kíli's battle restarts every time Fíli dies. the fic actually extends far beyond the actual "groundhog day," exploring the consequences and rewards of what happens

we're at almost 14k words, it's still not finished, i started it back in 2015 and no i'm not kidding but i wish i was. please let it end

fics i haven't started but do want to write

working title 2

Harry Potter, Draco-centric. possibly Drarry, possibly gen, 100% the redemption arc Draco deserved

Summary: In their 6th year, Hermione takes the boy who would annoy Ron most to Slughorn’s party—this boy is not Cormac McLaggen. Aka Draco gets a totally legitimate invitation into Harry’s group that he won’t take advantage of at all. The result is change—not of everything, but some things. The important things.

i have this fic planned out more extensively than most fics i write and yet i have still not written a single word for the actual fic

learning to love the pain

911 on Fox, gen from Eddie's POV but Buck-centric, checking vital signs pt. 4

i have a summary but no confirmation that that's the plot i'll be sticking with so for now it's just the time Buck prioritizes Eddie's well-being over his own

as you may have guessed from the above point, i have no clue what i'm writing for this so far. all i know is Eddie's POV is definitely coming before Bobby's (who will take pt. 5 of the series)

like every other fic in this series, the title is adapted from The Score’s “Born For This”

Whumptober 2020

so i'm not sure what fics will be going here but again, i promised you guys that i'd write a fic for every prompt. i haven't written anything for Whumptober since October but the plan is still to finish all those prompts

#if any of these fics particularly interest you don't hesitate to let me know #right now they're all kind of at equal levels of importance in my eyes #so if i know i have people looking forward to one that may bump it up #writing updates #my fic #my post #mine #the west wind comes walking #this is us trying #carry me into the flames (and set my heart on fire)#dear mondays #liven my body #learning to love the pain #whumptober2020 #working title(s)

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georgemackayhey · 4 years

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Home Again

a/n: So once, an anon vaguely asked for something with Schofield. And I recently sent out a poll for what my first multi-chapter fic should be about. The Schofield coming home option came in third place, so I figured I'd kill two birds with this blurb!

warning: General sad times but the ending is happy like he deserves

w/c: 2k

───※ ·❆· ※───

It was just like Will to be so quiet, but his silence lingered differently than any other time before.

He had only been home for a day, not even that long if you subtracted the long journey from the train station back to your neighborhood.

When you spotted Will at the platform, he bent at the knee to better scoop up your daughter and spin her around with a flourish. Will greeted you with sweet kisses and sighs of relief. And then he fell asleep for most of the ride back home. It was probably the most rest he'd had the pleasure of slipping into in far too long, you figured.

By the time you made it home for dinner, your daughter spent a majority of the evening sitting in her father's lap, reading from storybooks she'd created herself, a hobby she picked up sometime after he'd gone away. Her pages were sparse of many words. She mostly drew pictures and made up a new story every time she flipped through the sketches.

Will sat listening with a tired grin and a fond focus on his child. You caught precious glimpses as you made dinner.

After, you put your girl to bed and found Will fast asleep in your favorite claw-footed chair. For a moment, you admired his strong arms and soft hair under the warm light cast from the kitchen behind him. Will was finally home, peacefully draped on the patterned chair he used to call too ugly to be comfortable. The passing thought made you smile. It was your turn to curl into his lap and press a soft kiss to his temple.

Will's eyes fluttered open and peered into yours, silence lingered but it was shared once again.

"Let's go to bed, my love." You decided, gently tugging your husband from the chair and holding his hand down the dark hallway, like little kids on an adventure.

You drew a bath and pulled Will in to join you, worried over nothing but taking care of your man.

While you washed his hair and warmed his skin, you told the story of The Nightingale And The Rose, changing the ending into something grand and romantic. It was your favorite story to tell each other, while you waited for desserts to bake, or watched the rain. Each of you always started telling the story the way it had been written but made a tradition of rewriting the ending, to score a giggle or a smile.

It only seemed natural, now, as Will watched you take care of him, with big blue eyes you'd missed more than words. His eyes were full of all the things you'd missed, and his glance was a language all its own. You'd moved on from winks and nods, a look was all it took.

You followed Will to bed in the quiet cool night. He fell asleep with both strong arms around you and you lied awake to soak it all in.

When you awoke the next you weren't surprised to find the silence that seeped into the nighttime had remained.

It wasn't long before your new day was narrated by your daughter as she lunged into a hug from you and laughed as she danced at your feet through the halls.

When Will finally awoke, he drifted into the kitchen wearing a cautious glance like he'd forgotten his way around the home he helped fix up a few odd summers ago.

"Goodmorning my love." You cooed, stepping away from cooking breakfast to place a gentle hand on the side of his face. His eyes searched yours, full of more than you knew or ever would. You realized there was a world of things he wanted to tell you, but couldn't, or shouldn't, or something. And even though your chest filled with too much emotion to understand, you were just glad he was finally home.

"Breakfast is almost ready." You grinned, hoping he'd have some. You decided then and there that your new mission in life was to do whatever it might have taken to get his flickering smile to stay plastered on.

Will gave the smallest nod but made no move to drift away from you, keeping those big somber eyes locked on yours.

So you pulled him toward the kitchen table where your daughter had already placed dishes in front of chairs. Will sat, watching as you kept a hand on his jaw so you could turn his face for a soft, quick kiss.

You ate breakfast all together listening to your daughter name birds that flew past your window.

After, you cleaned up and packed all the necessities for a picnic, a Sunday tradition. Will helped, handing you items to pack away and offering to carry the basket, all while somehow staying quiet as a mouse.

When you left the house his hand found yours and held on tightly. His face became nearly unreadable as you strolled down the path to the closest park, but he still chuckled when your daughter danced ahead of you, leading the way.

"Remember when we brought her home and were afraid she was too quiet?" You spoke low to Will, who cracked a smile as he watched your girl sing and skip along the path.

"I've missed her made-up songs." Will cooed as you both kept your eye on her. But as your husband spoke of your daughter, he also made the first mention of being away, being anywhere but here with you.

It made your heart flutter but you knew better than to make mention of anything.

"How'd someone with so much to say come from you, Will?" You chuckled. He was always quiet. Will almost couldn't get the words out to ask you on your first date. And the guy was reduced to tears before he could even ask you to marry him. Luckily you knew what the ring between his fingers meant and blabbered enough for the both of you, then.

But now you were wise enough to realize that words weren't always necessary, and that the ones that were would come in time. For now, holding his hand in the warm sun was more than enough.

The park was mostly empty, save for a few rusty swings, a family of birds and a pair of young brothers too preoccupied with fishing to notice anything else. Your daughter spun toward the play area, begging for a push on the swing. You were closest to her, leaving Will to sit among the blanket you'd brought along, staring into a line of blooming trees.

You pushed your daughter until her heels scraped against the dirt. She then hung her head as the swing came to a swaying halt.

"What is it, darling?" You crouched at her feet, struggling to see her face past her windblown hair. When she lifted her head, her bottom lip stuck out into a pout.

"Why doesn't papa like the park anymore?" Her little voice whined.

Your daughter had a very rough understanding of where her father had been for so long. When Will left he explained to the small girl that he had to go away and help some people. But as time passed and the papers and the town gossip kept shouting and weeping over the war, she learned that the big scary word had quite a lot to do with her father. But for all the questions she asked, and all the answers you could think to give, this one stumped you a little.

"You know, I think he's just still very tired. But I know he's most glad to be here." You assured, taking your daughter's hands in your own and giving them a squeeze. You couldn't even fathom what Will was feeling right now, and you weren't sure if you'd given your daughter the answer she was looking for.

You'd heard other mothers and wives explain that their husband's homecoming seemed to happen a day at a time. But right now, each passing minute felt like a lifetime all it's own.

"Will he be here for my birthday?" Your daughter asked, cocking her head and worrying her dad might disappear for years on end again. It almost broke your heart, but you were sure of the answer this time and it was a very good one indeed.

"He's here to stay." You nodded with a smile. You lifted your daughter from the swingset and on to the ground with a giggle. She seemed pleased enough with that answer to skip away from you on a mission to pick wildflowers a few feet away.

You made your way back to Will who sat propped up on one elbow, eyes still lazily focused on the trees on the horizon.

As you started to sit, you also started to worry over what to say. You wanted to ask what was on Will's mind but didn't want to push him, certain he'd say something if he found it important enough. But before you were even halfway to the ground, he took you by surprise, casting his eyes up to your way along with a smile.

"Com'er." Will held out a hand, softly pulling you closer before you even got the chance to agree. It made you laugh, the soft conviction in his voice. You fell to Will's side, happily gazing up at him while he looked out in your daughter's direction.

"Her birthday is next week. She's been asking for a big party." You huffed, looking to the thin golden clouds overhead.

"Whatever she wants, we should do. Right?" Will seemed to remind you of a sentiment you'd coined when she was too small to even make her own decisions.

"But what do you want," You asked through a small laugh. He was back to help make these sort of plans now, and her birthday was only a few short days away. What if Will wasn't ready for all sorts of people packed into you home, with more questions for him than presents for you very spoiled offspring, no doubt.

"I want her to be happy. Let's throw a party!" Will rose a brow like trading a secret, somehow scoring another laugh out of you. That's when your daughter came over, presenting a bouquet of wildflowers to her father. He took them with a quiet thanks and pulled her in to join your pile on the blanket. And somehow, then, it didn't feel like a single day had passed since the last picnic like this one.

Time was skewed, speeding up and slowing down when you least expected it. Some rainy days, breakfasts were filled with song, and rides to town were grand adventures. Other days when the weather was perfect and his favorite record played, Will sat with those big sad eyes focused on the wall.

Still, every night ended with him all wrapped around you while your breathing matched up and you fell asleep until it was time for another day.

And when your daughters big day rolled around, and all your desserts were baked, and a few paper streamers hung from bookcases, you couldn't tell how Will was feeling. So you went about your routine as normal as possible and said a quick prayer as family members came flooding through your front door and into the back garden.

You'd kept a steady eye on Will, unable to read his big baby blues. He kept his eye on you, too, while aunts and uncles pulled him into uncomfortable hugs.

You heard bits of their silly questions, like what was it like and aren't you glad it's all over?

When your daughter challenged her cousins to a game of hide and seek, Will was the first to disappear. After making sure your guests had fresh tea and were lost enough in their own conversations, you went to find your husband.

He'd found quiet in the upstairs library. Which was just the attic decorated with a rug and a bookshelf, and his silhouette sat on the bench in the window frame. His big blue eyes rested below a furrowed brow and you knew as you shut the door behind you, that it was time to ask what you'd been wanting too.

"Will, are you alrigh-"

Before you could even finish your whisper, Will sucked in a sharp breath and turned to face you in tears.

"I don't know," Will spoke with the smallest shake of his head. You took cautious steps toward him as he went on, "I don't... know what I'm feeling. I don't even know how I should be feeling or what to do. I don't have answers for anyone, even after all that. After everything, I don't have any answers and I'm so sorry."

You were sitting in front of him by the end of what was on his mind, reaching out to pull him closer to you. Will latched onto you, burying his face in your neck and letting himself cry. You petted back his hair as he struggled to catch his breath.

"You don't need answers, Will, my love. " You cooed, holding him as he wept. "You don't have to say anything to anyone for any reason. But I do hope you know you can tell me anything, whether you think you should be sayin' it or not."

A few stray tears of your own fell as Will started to settle down. But you sat there on the bench in the dusty window, holding each other for what felt like forever. Even if it wasn't that long, you were glad time seemed to be on your side again.

"Better go throw a party, huh?" Will gave a watery chuckle as you reached out to wipe his tears and fix his shirt collar. You gave him a silent smile as he seemed to have something more to say.

"I do know one thing," Will nodded, taking one of your hands away from fiddling with his shirt buttons. "And it's that I'm glad to be back here with so much to celebrate."

Will kissed your knuckles and melted your heart. After a moment longer of pulling yourselves together, you walked back downstairs hand in hand. You proceeded to throw a party, passing out cake to grandmas and grandpas. Your daughter made sure to keep everyone entertained with dance routines to old records and stories she'd make up on her own (a trait you were glad to know she'd inherited.)

You watched Will help your daughter unwrap parcels, and giggled when she smeared a bit of frosting on his cheek in the middle of singing happy birthday. Spirits were high, and the weather was nice, and everyone was glad to be together.

But the night came and the guests trickled out the way they came, and quiet settled once again, unlike any time before it.

Will opted to put your daughter to bed that evening, as you crawled under your own covers. Your bedroom was full of dark blue moonlight, and the door had been left open enough to hear your husband tucking your daughter in. Their voices were distant but close enough for you to hear your girl ask for a story.

You sat up a little, totally enchanted by normal everyday life, and how it now seemed all too much like a fairytale dream you'd been wishing for.

"What's your favorite story, papa?" Your daughter's tiny voice asked. After a pause, you were able to hear her father answer.

"It's a sad story."

"Why would your favorite be sad?"

"Because your mum and I always tell it and try and find ways to make it much happier. You do the same thing, don't you, with those storybooks of yours."

Your daughter's giggle was faint, but you swore you could hear Will smile. There was another beat of quiet before you heard your husband's hushed low tone...

"Sometimes sad things happen. And we can't stop them or change them. But we can always decide what happens next, can't we? We can always make things happy again."

"Like how you went away but you're back now? That's very happy."

"Just like that."

You held back from sniveling, not wanting them to know you'd been listening in. Will wished his daughter goodnight and it wasn't long before you heard her bedroom door creak to a close.

Your husband appeared in the doorway, his big blue eyes bright and inviting in the moonlight, but it wasn't long before they were closed at your side.

Will had been home for a week now, but it felt more like a lifetime.

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#george mackay #george mackay x reader #george mackay fanfic #george mackay imagine #william schofield #1917

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