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scar-lie · 3 months

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Save us [Natasha & Scarlett]

Summary : You're tired of fighting, you're losing hope and giving up for your relationship with your two girlfriends who don't want to fight for you

Pairing : Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader, Scarlett Johansson x Female!Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Scarlett Johansson

Warning : Arguing

Word count : 1,723

No one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know.

You rub the side of your eyes, getting stressed by the endless argument you have had with your two girlfriends for four years now, and you're losing hope; you're losing everything you have to give for them the further you three argue.

You're getting tired and drained from giving all you have to them without receiving anything back. It feels like you're playing house with them, where they're going to need to go or get tired; they’ll just leave without considering you or your feelings, while you're left without anyone but your thoughts.

“Why can't you fucking understand that?! There are things that're more important than staying here. To what? ...to stay here, so you wouldn't mope around about how sad you are alone! "Natasha screamed, getting frustrated and irritated by the simple things you're asking, and so was Scarlett.

“I do; I do understand what you're pointing at, but you're not listening." You quickly shut your mount when Scarlett interrupts you, so you put your hand to your face, covering how broken you are.

“I act for a living, Y/N. This is what I do before you come into my life; this is my life. I can't just say to them, "Sorry, I’m going to be gone for a week or two; my girlfriend wants me to stay in.” That's not how fucking works.” They are ready to leave, bags already packed, already dressed up; only this argument is making them stay.

“And I save lives for living, so I can't just stop taking a break; just fucking think before you become selfish,” Natasha screamed, slamming the door shut on her way out.

“Not everything is in your favor, not because you're our girlfriend; you can just decide or dictate what we're going to do; you're just our girlfriend,” Scarlett followed suit, leaving you completely alone in your shared home, the one they bought because of how welcoming it is, how the house welcomes the natural light, how peaceful the place is, the big backyard where you're obsessed with growing flowers, fruits, and vegetables—this house is just perfect for their liking and yours. That's why they surprised you with the house.

This is your mark of a happy life ahead of you, and this is the house. That's why they surprise you with the house. “This is our mark of a happy life ahead of us,” “and this is our house that we will make happy memories,” they quote.

But now you're asking yourself if this house makes you three happy anymore—the same house the three of you are planning to have a family with and grow old with until your grandchildren drag your ass out to the backyard to play or do something interesting.

You're losing hope that this relationship will be the same; you're falling into a deep hole further and further down until you reach the peak, where there's no way out if you keep pushing yourself to them.

You're body collided in the soft mattress, your sobs are getting muffled by the pillow you're hugging—their pillow to be exact—soaking it with your tears, all the pent-up frustrating, sleepless nights, the feelings you're bottling are now erupting, making your body shake while crying, not caring if the neighbor can hear you—it's just all too much.

You have nothing else to give anymore; you're drained and done with months of arguing and please them to give you at least a little bit of their time, to put you in their first priority. You're tired of forgiving them over and over again, and you don't think you can open the door to let them in one more time. You have no cards to give to them anymore; all the best cards are already used.

They are again saying how sorry they are and how they are going to make it up to you—key word make-up "sex"—through text the next day, but you can't find any word to reply, so you stick with “ok, it's fine," laying your phone face down on the couch while watching some random movies, rom-coms, TV series, or just anything that can pass your time since you don't have anything to do.

But this doesn't sit right with Natasha and Scarlett, waiting for further massages that never come, or maybe they are waiting for your caring self to text them how they are doing, asking if they already eat or how's their day, or maybe they are waiting for your rambling or complaining about how’s your day goes, or how boring it is that your friends are being bitchy on the internet.

but that never came even in the following days; all they got was a short reply and a cold shoulder, making them uneasy through the next few weeks until they got home, worried and hopeful that once they step in the front door, you're going to throw yourself into them like you always do.

"Darling, we're home! "Natasha and Scarlett shout, dropping their bags in the hallway and locking the door.

“In the lounge,” you reply back, not bothering to stand up to great them properly, you're just sitting there in front of a TV while scrolling through social media.

“Hey, there's no kisses or hugs? "Scarlett sat down next to you, so you kissed her on the cheek, doing the same thing to Natasha when she sat on the other side, mumbling, “Welcome home,” then go back, scrolling down through your phone.

"Hey, stop giving us a cold shoulder; we're here. Isn't that what you want? "Natasha whispers softly, caressing your exposed thigh while trying to read you while Scarlett lays her head on your shoulder. The moves you know from the back of your hand indicate they want sex.

“I’m not in the mood.” You push Nat's hand and Scar's head gently, then stand up, going up to your shared bedroom.

“I think we should give her some space for now,” Scarlett whispered, following you with her eyes and sighing in frustration.

“She's just being dramatic, Scar; she's come running to us eventually,” Nat dismissed, going in the kitchen to drink some water and hoping there's food but finding nothing, so she looked back, giving Scarlett a smile, shaking her head while chuckling.

“Fine, what do you want? "Nat gives her a smirk, knowing her way to get her to cooking.

" Pasta, please” With that, they both chat in the kitchen, catching up and having a little fun like they always do right before you come on the picture.

Hearing them giggling and chuckling from the bedroom makes you hate yourself because they are happy without you, they can go to their day without you, and you hate how they can just continue their day without bothering if you're okay or include you.

So in the end, you just move to the farthest room, which is the guestroom. You three didn't use it much, but these past few months, Natasha and Scarlett have usually used it since you three were always arguing and they ended up sleeping in the guestroom while you're alone in your shared bedroom.

But as each day passes, you're feeling yourself uninterested. Sure, you three interact, but not like before, and today is another argument in Natasha and Scarlett’s minds since they need to go again.

“We're heading out now; be safe here.” Natasha kisses your forehead, followed by Scarlett, and you hum, continuing to read your book.

"Ok,” you simply reply, which sends a shiver down their spine.

“Ok? Aren't you going to tell us how workaholic we are? How come we don't spend time here anymore? Leaving you alone, aren't you going to ask us to give you some of our time? "Scarlett frowns while standing, and Natasha thinks the same way, waiting for your answer.

"No,” you're unbothered; not even a single emotion is showing in your face; you're just calm.

“Why? "You shrug at Natasha's question, turning to the next page.

“Why? "You chuckle sarcastically, making Scarlett uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another and picking her skin, making Natasha step forward to stop her from getting herself hurt.

“You mean ‘begged you for your time? ’, what's the point? To make myself look desperate? Needy? Selfish? Self-centered? "You shake your head with a scrawl face.

“No thanks, plus whatever I say or do will never stop you from leaving or doing what you want; if you want to leave, then go leave; I don't care anymore.” Their hearts both sank down to the pit of their stomachs.

“Like you always say, what you do is more important than being with me for a few minutes, so I’m saving both of you and me the energy you needed for something and time.” Scarlett held Natasha's arm tightly, finding herself starting to have an anxiety attack, but Natasha was rubbing her back. Natasha felt hurt and worried that they pushed you too far.

Sure, she dearly loves Scarlett. I mean, they're already in a relationship when you join the couple, but that doesn't mean she loves you any less. You're the heart of this house; you're keeping them in their toes; you're their center; you're their foundation that's keeping everything in their surroundings magical; you're their Alice in their Wonderland; the apple in their eyes; their home in their heart; and their key to their locks.

In short, they couldn't function without you; you're the center of everything to them, so this makes their world turn upside down, but in a bad way.

“I-I wanna stay……I-I’ll just call to have at least 2 weeks leave,” Scarlett mumbles, getting lost of words, and all she can think about is being with you, to cuddle you, kiss you, hug you, and just be with you, and so does Natasha.

‘I-I wanna….stay too,” but before they can dial a number, you quickly stop them.

“Oh no, please don't. Don't let me hold you back. Just because I speak what's on my mind, please do leave and go on with your week.” You give them a tight smile, then go back to reading.

But the two shake their heads no, wanting to be as close to you as possible, but before they can approach the bed, their whole world crashes into pieces.

“Besides, I’ve fallen out of love.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanova #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #black widow #black widow 2021 #marvel black widow #natalia alianovna romanova #natasha x you #natalia romanova #scarlett x reader #scarlett johansson fanfic #scarlett johansson fanfiction #scarlett #scarlett x y/n #scarlett johansson #angst

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citrustan · 5 months

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slipping through my fingers [2] (myg)

title: and the hits just keep coming 1.0

pairing: min yoongi x reader

genre: dilf!yoongi, exes and co-parents au, angst!, fluff, smut

summary: you lean on your friend for support and an escape, but the reality of your situation keeps flashing before you.

warnings: [there's a prologue and part 1 that should be read before this one!] just some insecurity, some sad vibes, you know the drill.

Taehyung fails to dodge the fifth pillow you launch at him. "Let me explain!" Repeatedly begging you to stop, he crashes into your kitchen counter.

A pillow to his leg.

"Wait! Please!" He's dodging for his life.

Another pillow to his chest.

"You're an angel! Pleas-" Headshot!

"Ough! Not the face..." He pauses to soothe his aching nose.

By now, you're out of energy too. But, there's still a lot of anger in your stomach. You're too guilty and too tired to let it out on the wrong person.

You spent over twenty minutes reprimanding him for hiding Yoongi's fiancée from you.

Finally having a fraction of a minute of peace, your friend sits you down by your dinner table.

He disappears into the kitchen, leaving you to cradle and console your heart by yourself.

You hear a few utensils clashing and see him juggling four things in his hands; your cat mug, his designated frog mug, a bottle of white chocolate liqueur and a carton of what looks like chocolate milk.

Pointing your finger at the tetra pak, you protest, "Excuse you, that's the expensive chocolate milk and it’s for Nao."

He looks at the half-empty carton in his hand and back at you.

"You're telling me Nao drank more than half of this bottle in a day? And you let her?" Taehyung deadpanned.

...

"Yeah." Your eyes wander as you insist poorly.

He ignored you and poured you a glass of the milk.

Sitting across from you, he grew solemn, "_____, I swear I didn't know it was like this." - "But you knew about her?" You asked before he said anything else.

Taehyung couldn't deny it, "Yeah. But I thought she would just be like the others."

Yoongi had others.

All grumpy, you sigh. "The others?"

Momentarily, he froze and exhaled. "Yeah, there have been a few. He was... I don't know. He kept saying he was serious about each of them but nobody ever... stuck around? So, we thought he was lying or something." Taehyung regretted his choice of words.

You want to believe him, but you both know that Yoongi isn’t someone who lies like that. Let alone big lies, Yoongi won't even tell little white lies.

Over the years, you naturally assumed he was dating around, but you didn't know. Nothing was confirmed. You never asked and he never told you anything himself.

"Who all knew?"

"Everyone. But nobody even imagined that they'd be getting hitched." He shook his head in disbelief.

“Obviously. This is Yoongi you’re talking about,” you pause, “But didn’t you notice anything different with them?”

“I’m telling you, _____, we had no idea.” Taehyung cringes after taking a sip of the sweet liqueur. “I think he wanted to tell you first.”

You wish he never had.

"What are you thinking?"

You dip your head in between your palms, “I feel terrible. It’s like I know I want to cry but I’m so emotionally stunted right now, I cannot get it out. It’s like a stuck yawn.”

Taehyung caresses your arm, "Can I do anything to help?"

You shake your head, "I don't think so, Tae."

"Oh! Do you want to watch 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas?' Maybe that will help you cry." He tilts his head, eyes filled with hope.

At that, you let out a surprised laugh, "Taehyung, no!"

Basking in the little moment of success (by making you laugh), Taehyung internally pops confetti.

But, the moment was just that. A moment. Your happiness faded away as quickly as it came.

So, he pulled his phone out and placed it in front of you.

Taehyung’s hesitant to ask you this but he does it anyway. “Do you want to see her?”

You don’t know. (You’d rather pretend she doesn’t exist.)

If it weren’t for Nao, you’d have no problem ignoring Yoongi’s girlfriend. Even thinking of the words ‘Yoongi’s girlfriend’ makes you want to end it all.

It’s no secret that you’re still madly in love with your ex-boyfriend.

This situation felt so ridiculous to you, you couldn’t digest it. You couldn’t believe this was actually happening to you.

As a young girl, you never thought it was in the books for you to go through this kind of pain. And, you don’t have a whole lot to lean on. So, Yoongi has always been it for you. He always told you he’d be there for you no matter what.

Even after your breakup, he was by your side.

When you unexpectedly caught the chicken pox from Nao, he took care of you. Even when Taehyung insisted on helping you instead, Yoongi sent him away.

You shared every birthday with him. He’d throw you a small party. Every year, it was a different theme. This year was ‘enchanted garden.’ He always ordered you a custom cake from out of town. It made everything special.

He even helped you open your quaint little bakery. Yoongi was the one who helped you finalize your menu. He tasted everything and even got himself sick because of it.

He stood by you when you got sued by your competition, another old-timey cake shop, for stealing their clients and recipes. He acted as your lawyer free of charge.

Now, you wonder if it was all out of convenience or… an obligation. Had you read it all wrong? Was he simply being polite because you’re the mother of his daughter? Would he stop doing things for you now? Did he ever do those things for you? Or were they simply for your daughter by extension?

Would he be too focused on his wife now?

Even for Nao’s sake, you never once got the urge to know the woman who did the unthinkable.

As a co-parent, you trusted Yoongi. You knew Yoongi would never let just anyone around Nao. If he wants to introduce his daughter to a woman, you knew it was safe. She could be the next Mother Teresa for all you know.

All this blind trust has been earned by him throughout the years you’ve spent with him, you’re not a careless mother.

However, as a woman and Yoongi’s ex-flame, you weren’t eager to know the woman who replaced you. You don’t want to see or meet her. In your eyes, she was able to compel Yoongi to do something he wouldn’t do even after you begged him to. Maybe she didn’t even have to try. She was probably just that perfect for him.

This is apart from the fact that he fell in love with another woman after you while you’re still hung up on him.

You don’t think you can afford to willingly take a hit to your self-confidence like that.

Nao looks up to you. You know you cannot lose yourself when you have so much relying on you.

Taehyung was kind enough to let you get lost in your thoughts.

“No.” You finally answer his question.

You did not want to see what she looked like.

Taehyung nodded once, “Okay. That’s fine.”

Just when Taehyung’s about to put his phone back into his pocket, it rings.

And on the screen pops this gorgeous woman. She looked like she stepped straight out of an issue of Harpar’s Bazaar or even Vogue. You weren’t surprised, you smiled and involuntarily snorted. Taehyung did have a type.

He hurriedly tried to pull his phone off the table, knocking your (thankfully, empty) glass of milk in the process.

“You don’t have to hide her from me, Vincent.” You tease him, using his artist alias. “Is she your new muse?”

Taehyung awkwardly laughed, blatantly ignoring your question.

Suddenly, he changes the topic, “Oh! Do you have to go into work today?”

Your smile drops a little. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

He offered a strained smile, “It’s like I can feel the alcohol in my veins.”

“Heyyy... What’s up with the model babe? Why are you deflecting?” This time you pout.

You hear his phone ring once again. But he immediately declines.

“Taehyung… What’s the matter?” When he refuses to acknowledge you, you grow more concerned.

“You don’t have to stay, you know?” You continue to reassure him.

“It’s not,” he cuts himself off, “That wasn’t my girlfriend.”

Taehyung hopes he doesn’t have to face your inevitable question in line.

“Well, who was that the….” When you trail off mid-response, he knew you had figured out who that woman really was.

The two of you are silent for a moment.

Sullen, you whisper, “That’s his fiancée?”

Taehyung wishes he never came over to your place. He didn’t want to be the one to make you feel this way.

He nods once. Not that you needed that confirmation.

Quickly moving on to your next thought, you question, “Why is she calling you?”

Already on it, Taehyung visibly cringes at the messages on his screen when you push yourself forward to peek into his phone. This time, he doesn’t try to obstruct your vision.

Hyejin (3)

Sorry! I forgot you were at _____’s. It’s nothing important, I just had a question about Nao-chan. Does she like lemon cake? How is _____ doing btw?

Your mouth dropped open.

You don’t even acknowledge the fact that she’s speaking about you so personally; as if you were a friend or even an acquaintance.

You ignore the fact that she’s fucking stunning, owning the most symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing face you’ve ever seen on a grown woman.

You don’t even dwell about how you do not stand a chance against this woman.

The only thing you see is her nickname for your daughter. You squeak, “She calls her Nao-chan!”

That’s YOUR name for YOUR babygirl.

“Angel…” Taehyung begins but has no idea what he could possibly say to comfort you.

Pull yourself together. You mentally discipline yourself. It takes a minute for you to get there.

Instead of dealing with whatever you just felt, you push it away in an instant and beam at your friend.

“Whatever. Let’s get cheesy naan and shrimp skewers!”

Of course, your faux smile didn’t fool Taehyung, but he went with it anyway.

₊˚.🎧 ✩｡tears are in your eyes by yo la tengo ₊˚.🎧 ✩｡

note: i hope i'm doing this series justice lol the ideas in my head run too wild for me to actually make note of them. please let me know what you guys think!

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chaoticbardlady99 · 5 months

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Yesterday I Felt like Dancing (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You have burnt both ends of the candle and haven’t been taking care of your mental health. Unable to get yourself out of bed, Astarion begins to worry about you…

Author note- I have been hardcore struggling with my mental health lately and writing my silly little fics has been the only thing pulling me along. I thought it might be therapeutic to write about my current feelings (I have ADHD, MDD, and GAD so it’s a party up in here). I hope you enjoy!

CW- Suicidal Ideation, symptoms of depression, brief outburst, mentions of mental health diagnosis and poor medical advice.

Title inspired by song “Into the Walls” by Griff.

*not my pic, could not tell you where I found it so I apologize in advance. If you think it might be your picture, please message me so I can give proper credit.

Your last day before backtracking from the Mountain Pass to the Goblin camp is a difficult one.

Not for the group as a whole- just you specifically.

Days before a Mindflayer kidnapped you, a healer back home had told you your brain was sick. You had been devastated- resigned to your miserable fate.

You had been struggling for years at that point with inconsistent motivation, exhaustion, nightmares, and irrational thoughts for months. You have been functional for the most part, but then an overpowering wave will hit you like Warhammer in the ribs and you are rendered useless until it passes.

The healer suggested sunlight, exercise, eating healthy, and spending time with friends to help your affliction when you hit rock bottom. You were wildly unimpressed with her. At the time, you preferred to self isolate so you stayed by yourself in the woods trying to find peace there. You would have to let her know that her “going out and enjoying the sun” message is not always wise- you may get a tadpole shoved in your head. You can’t be that mad though- the tadpole helped bring your pep back.

Anyway, you have been doing all of that for weeks now, you even felt great, but today? You could not have hit rock bottom harder even if you tried.

You woke up that morning unable to get yourself out of bed. It was a rest day so it wasn’t a big deal, but you also know that your companions are going to have things they need to talk to you about and favors they need you to take care of.

Gods you had tried to get up. You are grateful that your past self had the gumption to wash off and change into clean clothes last night, but your armor is still disgustingly sitting outside your tent and your hair is long and wild. You had wanted to braid it, but it all felt like too much work.

Everything feels like too much work right now- even staying awake- so you drift in and out of uncomfortable naps throughout the morning. No matter how many times you fall asleep, begging for relief from the painful brick wall sitting on your brain, it never leaves.

You can feel the midday breeze rustle your tent. You’ve been laying here for hours now. You are crying and you honestly aren’t sure why. You feel completely paralyzed by all the things you need to do to be ready for the Underdark.

You need to clean your armor, go over the Goblin Camp’s map with Wyll, find Gale a magical artifact, and probably comfort Lae’zel since she’s been branded a heretic- but you won’t. The shame and self loathing continues. You are a silly, worthless little human being.

Every person who knocks on your tent gets a simple, “I’m just not feeling well,” and then they walk away. You don’t know why it makes you more sad than appreciative. If you were in their shoes- you would be bending over backwards to make sure they had everything they needed and you wouldn’t let them feel alone. Then you resent yourself for feeling that way towards your companions- they don’t owe you anything and you were the one who chose to help them- you didn’t ask for anything in return. This is all your fault.

The only person who hadn’t come to visit you was Astarion- which hurt your heart just a little, enough that the numbness coursing thickly through your body wavered for a moment. You are quite smitten and he is obviously not. Another mistake to add to the swirling black hole your mind has fallen into.

You knew it was stupid to want his comfort and affections- you had merely slept together a little less than a week ago. Astarion has been quasi avoiding you ever since and when he does talk to you- he’s awkward. You constantly look for flying pigs- Astarion feeling awkward or being awkward is unheard of.

You have come to accept that you were just some tryst and obviously he hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he said he did.

Astarion isn’t to blame and the situation itself certainly didn’t contribute to the sudden lack of emotions. You knew that you were on the verge of a mental collapse sooner rather than later, but you had foolishly hoped you wouldn’t be alone through it. It feels less all consuming when you try to find a reason. It’s more comfortable to know than it is to give up and say, “my brain is fucked and there isn’t a damn thing I can do so I guess I’m stuck here.”

You are jolted out of your thoughts by another knock on your tent.

“I’m sick,” you say flatly.

“Ha- you act like that will deter me. I can’t even get sick, Darling.”

Before you even have time to register that Astarion is on the other side of your tent- he pushes his way through the flaps and stares down at you in confusion. And… concern?

Astarion steps inside and kneels down next to you- scanning you for evidence of illness or injury.

“I suppose I had been worried for nothing,” he smiles sweetly at you, “you are totally fine. Come on Darling, you have to get up and eat. Wyll is fumbling with that map.”

You look at him and begin to cry. Astarion’s face lights up with alarm.

“What- what did I do!?”

“Please don’t make me,” you sob, “I just want a break. I’m so tired. I want to lay in this bed forever and never leave, but there is so much to do and it’s paralyzing.”

You continue to cry and you cover yourself with the extra blanket- successfully hiding your face.

“Go away,” you whisper, “I need to be left alone.”

You say it, but you are far from meaning it. You want him to stay- to hold you- but he doesn’t want you so it will only make everything hurt worse once the numbness fades away.

You wait for several moments and then you hear him leave. Your silent cry turns into choked sobs and your body is shaking from the pain you are in. The numbness hurts. The numbness tells you that you shouldn’t be alive.

Maybe you shouldn’t be.

Everyone here would be able to figure it out on their own (eventually) and you would finally be free. Free of your uncomfortable brain, free of your ugly body- free of the expectations of others. You would no longer be holding them back like you are today- like you will again in the future.

You are sure they would temporarily grieve you, but that was the deal with this whole journey. You had all accepted that one of you or all of you could die at any moment. You will just put them in more danger by being here…

You shake the thought from your head, violently- your head is pounding from the growing tension headache and dehydration. The tears eventually stop and you just… well, lay in bed again. You stare blankly at a book over in the corner. You keep trying to convince yourself to get up and read the damn thing- do literally ANYTHING else than just stay here in your bedroll.

Instead, you fall asleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up to someone knocking on your tent post. You grumble incoherently, covering your head and you hear your unexpected guest sit down next to you. The smell of food fills the tent and your stomach grumbles.

“You need to eat, my Dear,” Astarion says softly.

You are stunned to hear his voice grace your ears. You slowly pull the blanket down to just below your eyes and look at him. Astarion looks distressed, like he doesn’t want to be here. Why would he? You’re a nuisance.

You sit up gingerly and grab the bowl from him. You manage to give him a lopsided smile.

“Thanks. You don’t need to stay, I will be fine on my own,” you say apathetically, staring into the broth.

“I want to stay,” he says, “if you’ll have me.”

The expression on his face is unreadable, but he seems genuine. You nod, your lips pressed together tightly. You eat as much as you feel like while Astarion studies you.

Usually your anxiety is at an all time high (in maybe one of the better ways) when you are around Astarion- he gives you butterflies, butterflies, and even more butterflies. Usually your heart is racing in his presence, but right now you just feel empty.

“Where is your hairbrush?” Astarion asks.

You frown with confusion, “it’s in my bag, why?”

Astarion gets up and goes over to the bag- digging out a few items. He pulls out a lantern, your hairbrush, and a hair tie. Astarion comes over to you and sits down behind you. You feel him gather up the stray pieces of your hair and get to work.

Astarion runs his fingers through your scalp and your tangled hair- the feeling is soothing and it opens something inside of you. Your body shakes silently with sobs and you feel the worm behind your eyes wiggle as Astarion asks for access. You aren’t sure.

“I want to understand,” Astarion says, “please.”

His voice is so raw and desperate- you swallow thickly before allowing him to explore your current emotional state. The silence in the tent is palpable and you feel tense, uncomfortable even. No one has ever cared for you while you are in this state before.

You feel him continue his hairbrushing after he exits your mind. Astarion leaves soft kisses on your shoulder as he gently pulls apart every knot. It helps- you realize- to feel cared for. The numbness still hurts, you still hurt, but it’s nice to not feel so alone.

After Astarion is done brushing your hair, you feel his delicate fingers begin to intricately braid your hair. You wonder when he learned how to do hair.

“Leon’s daughter, Victoria, used to ask me to braid her hair all the time,” Astarion says in a bittersweet voice as if reading your mind, “I picked it up so that she would stop bugging me about it. She said and I quote, ‘you have the perfect braiding hands!’”

You smile to yourself tenderly, “That’s very kind of you, Star. I am sure she appreciated it as much as I appreciate it now.”

You feel Astarion’s hands falter at your words and you are unsure if you have upset him or not. A pregnant pause occurs before Astarion finally clears his throat and goes back to braiding your hair.

“I’m glad that I can help,” Astarion’s delicate, vulnerable words hang in the air, “I’ve… been worried about you today.”

You feel positively flustered and bad for making him feel that way.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about silly ole me! This happens sometimes” you make your voice chirpier than it needs to be, “This is actually the longest I’ve gone for a long time without this happening. I have theorized that the tadpole might help which is kinda cool- I think?”

You laugh awkwardly- desperate to ease his worry.

“How often does this happen?”

Shit. That was the winning question wasn’t it? Astarion will surely never see you as anything less than broken now.

“I’m not really sure,” your voice comes out in a whisper, “I usually always feel a bit of it all the time, but it’s manageable. I function very well regardless.”

“But this one isn’t manageable and evidently you aren’t functional right now.”

You sigh, “No, it isn’t and no, I’m not.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing,” you say, maybe too harshly, “that’s the part that drives me crazy. Yesterday was incredible- I was on top of the whole world, felt like dancing and screaming from the rooftops, but today!?”

You inhale and hold back the muted scream that wants to fill the air.

“Today,” you hiss, “I don’t even want to deal with any of this shit anymore. I’m so fucking tired. There is too much to fucking do and too many people depending on me. Then everyone gets irritated with me if I ask to push off their problems so I persevere through it despite knowing I’m getting bad again. I’m a giant stinking trash heap that everyone keeps adding more to.”

Astarion finishes braiding your hair and presses your back to his chest, pulling you into him. He puts his arms around your waist and settles his chin and face in between the crook of your neck.

“I just feel like such a nuisance all the time- no matter how hard I push myself to prove I’m not. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I just… went away.”

You both sit there quietly. At some point he had taken one of your hands in his and he was tracing shapes into the back of it with his thumb. Your omission still hangs heavily in the air.

“I wouldn’t be better off,” Astarion says hotly, “I’d be stuck with all these weirdos by myself. That would be truly miserable, Darling.”

You shake your head, a half smile on your face.

“And besides- you are not even close to a nuisance,” Astarion states, leaving a kiss on your cheek, “at least you aren’t in constant need of magical objects to eat or blood to drink. Oh and you don’t require a painstaking amount of searching to prevent you from literally burning everyone alive.

“Oh and did I forget to mention, we have not one, but two women who despise each other and follow hateful Goddesses which was a fun choice for whatever sick bastard twisted our fates this way.”

You laugh breathily, closing your eyes and letting the sound defrost some of your insides.

“What I’m saying is- I think you are the least of everyone’s ‘nuisances’, my Darling,” he says, squeezing you tighter to his chest, “despite how little you think of yourself. We ne- no, I want you to stay. I know everyone else would say the same, but I must emphasize that I would be horribly distraught if you disappeared. Hells I’d even pay to have you resurrected.”

You gasp playfully, your voice falling slightly flat, “You? The most frugal man I have ever met would pay 200 gold coins to ‘Strike thy name from the record’?”

Your impression of Withers gets Astarion to genuinely laugh- the sound vibrating in your chest. You lean into him and he guides you back to laying down. Astarion entangles his legs with yours as he holds you tightly- your faces are mere centimeters apart. You love the way Astarion smells- rosemary, bergamot, and brandy. You wish you could be wrapped up in him forever. You are still in pain- everything still hurts and feels too difficult, but right now it feels a little less heavy.

“I would throw bags of Gold Coins at that corpse out of revenge, my Dear,” he teases, “you couldn’t possibly think I would ever let you rest peacefully in your grave- I would be far too angry with you and unhappy without you to let that happen.”

You lay there and despite yourself, you lean forward and leave butterfly kisses along his cheeks with your lashes. Astarion scrunches up his nose reflexively and smiles at you. You plant a sweet, short kiss on his lips.

“Thank you Astarion- for everything.”

You close your eyes as he traces circles along your lower back. Your eyes begin to droop, and you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you wake up the next morning- you are disappointed to find that you are all alone in your tent. The heavy numbness is still there and you sigh. At least last night made it more bearable.

You look on the side where Astarion had been sleeping and find a note with a bottle attached to it. You pick it up and begin to read.

Tav,

Astarion had asked me about herbs for some relief regarding mental discomforts. I unfortunately don’t know many, but this is a mixture of St. John’s Wort, Valerian Root, and Ashwagandha. Historically, I know these have been used to alleviate emotional and mental pain.

Astarion didn’t tell me why he was asking, but I deduced it was you pretty quickly when he began shooing everyone away from your tent this morning.

I hope this helps- we are all here if you need us. May Silvanus light your path as you navigate this difficult time.

-Halsin

You sit in your own stunned silence for what feels like hours. Halsin knows and he wants to help? Halsin doesn’t think you are screwed or a nuisance? The man barely even knows you!

You are a bit embarrassed, but you can’t help but laugh at the image of Astarion telling everyone to leave you alone.

You open the bottle and a pleasant, earthy smell fills the tent. You drink the mixture (that definitely does not taste anywhere near as pleasant as it smells) and you do feel a slight bit better. Your apathy feels even more tolerable now. You will have to thank Halsin.

You slowly rise from your tent and look around. Everything is packed up neatly in the corner- your clothes from the previous day are folded nicely and you notice all the holes are sewn up.

You jump when someone enters your tent abruptly- the midday sun warming your skin. You turn around and Astarion is smiling at you, but looks nervous.

“I cleaned off your armor and your weapons,” he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, “I also packed up your stuff- as you can see. We have to start leaving unfortunately, but I’ll help you get on your armor like I usually do- I might still need help with mine though, but I can ask someone else if it’s too much for you right now. Lae’zel and Karlach offered to pack up your tent. Wyll and Shadowheart figured out the map- Wyll is going to be our ‘fearless’ leader for the day. Gale has some food for you to snack on while we travel- which you will be eating, by the way.”

Astarion is looking at you with a vulnerable expression on his face. He plays nervously with the gold coin in his hands.

You can hardly believe what you are hearing.

“Did- did you do all this for me?” You say with disbelief.

You never thought Astarion was capable of smiling shyly until he had admitted to you that you had been his first thinking creature- you certainly never thought you’d see him become shy twice in your presence.

“I did and it wasn’t a nuisance so don’t even begin to worry about that,” He walks over to you, gently cradling your face in his hands, “I hope this is all okay.”

You smile- the first genuine feeling of happiness you’ve felt in the last 24 hours gently sparks in your chest as you stare up at him. You get up on your tiptoes and bridge the gap between your lips.

“Thank you Astarion, this is perfect- you are perfect,” you are crying tears of joy, “this is the kindest gesture anyone has ever made for me. So just, thank you.”

“Of course, Darling,” he says smiling in between kisses, “I won’t let you lose to yourself. We’ll get through this together from now on- no more hiding.”

And for once? You actually believe someone.

-if you guys like this, please let me know if you would want a part two written from Astarion’s perspective.

Update- I did the thing you silly geese

https://www.tumblr.com/chaoticbardlady99/735969926279528448/i-took-all-this-love-i-found-and-i-hope-that-its

Tag-list: @spacebarbarianweird @domainoflostsouls

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x you #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x tav #bg3 #karlach #astarion x gn!tav #astarion x gender neutral reader #bg3 astarion #astarion acunin #mental health #actually adhd #and anxious #and depressed

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mikachacha · 7 months

Text

𝙶𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙲𝚊𝚛 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You met Bada when she recently broke off with Howl. You were there for her, you built her up and now, she's left you picking up the remaining pieces of your heart after you mader her's whole again.

Warnings: cheating, language and this one will be heavy 🥹🫶

(A/N: This idea is inspired from Taylor Swift's song, Getaway Car. Yeah I'm a huge swiftie if you can't tell already 😫 and the idea is further fueled by @nimixie who gave me the idea of cheating Bada so thank u so muchhhh)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

"Bada, just.. Just tell me the truth! I'm tired of you lying straight to my face. Just please, just this once.. Are you dating Howl again?" you asked Bada after she came home from a supposedly class but a friend of yours spotted Bada, going on a date with Howl and even snapped a pic of the two kissing.

"Y/N that's not true.. Howl and I are just friends.." Bada lied once more and you couldn't stop your tears from falling as you handed your phone to her, showing her the pictures of them kissing just earlier. Bada's eyes widened as she looked at the pictures and tried to apologize, promising that it meant nothing but you're done.

"Save it, Bada. I'm just a getaway car for you, aren't I? Just someone you can use to forget all the pain you're feeling and once you're okay again, you'll discard me as if I meant nothing. You never really loved me in the first place, you just needed me." you looked at her, heart aching from the betrayal. You loved her truly but you were just nothing to her.

You packed your belongings and left, Bada didn't even tried to stop you, she just let you be. She just let you pick up the broken pieces of your heart after you made her's whole again.

A few weeks has gone by and you're trying your best to be okay again but it was a hard thing to do, especially when news of Bada and Howl being a couple again is the hottest talk of town. She didn't even bothered hiding the fact that they're back together but when she was with you, she kept you like a secret. She would introduce you to people as her best friend, wouldn't hold your hand in public and would often just keep you at home.

"Y/N.." you heard a familiar voice call you when you were at the restroom of the bar that you're currently hanging out at, that made your heart ache and tears well up in your eyes. It's Bada.

"Bada, don't. Just don't.. I'm trying to live my life in peace, let me have that." you told her without looking at her. You know you'd break down, beg her to be with you and you know too well that's exactly what she wants to happen but you're not giving her that satisfaction, not again.

"Look, I just want to say sorry for everything.. Believe it or not, I did love you. I loved you.." she spoke and your sadness was replaced by anger when she said those words.

"Loved me? Bada, you don't have to fool me or yourself anymore. You and I both know that you never did! You just needed me to make you feel loved, to fill the void that Howl left when you two broke up.. I'm just a seat warmer for him just in case he comes back or you found someone better. You know what, fuck you and fuck all of your lies! Don't ever talk to me again and leave me the fuck alone!" you bursted out and ran out of the rest room and out of the bar, crying inside your car because you couldn't deny that you still love her. You loved her even more than yourself but all you got from her was betrayal.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #swf2 x reader #swf2

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popp1nstaxr · 9 months

Text

Okay, okay, I was reading some stuff and I thought: "don't they realize that a female reader never gets her period?" and here it is, a txt type of boyfriend BUT he reacts to when you are in those days of course 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Sooo

●▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬୧✬୨▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬●

TYPE OF BOYFRIENDS—TXT

Content: Well, obviously fem! reader, colic, maybe you mention blood xd and well, it's not really much jsjs

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# period !!

Choi Soobin:

Soobin aaaa Soob would definitely be a sweetheart 😭😭 I would always be with you and even if I don't fully understand how you feel, I would try, I would always be attentive to you and if you need something, he may even worry more if you have very strong cramps, enough to take you to the doctor and confirm if Is that really normal or not.

You were completely covered in the bed you shared with him, he had please asked for a day off because he really wanted to take care of you that day, he didn't understand it but he knew that sometimes it could hurt a lot thanks to what his older sister had told him ( Yes, Soob has an older sister and I definitely called her to ask what she could do to help you) "Do you need anything honey? Is it in a lot of pain? Are you okay? Is the bed comfortable?" you laughed softly and nodded "It's okay, Bin. I'm fine, stop worrying" Soobin sat next to you on the bed and hugged you "But-" you kissed his lips to reassure him "I'm fine, I won't die from it" you clarified and you chuckled when he made a sound of surprise and took out his cell phone, showing you something he had been looking for "I investigated, you've been here for three days now and Google says that if you lose more blood than normal it can give you anemia :(" I explain with concern, you laughed a little "Soob, I'm fine" you said again, even so, it wasn't enough to leave him alone.

Choi YeonJun:

YeonJun would be VERY attentive, to the point of harassing a bit, but it's okay because he only cares that you're okay at that moment, although of course, he wouldn't be as paranoid as Soobin, but he would surely call you all day to check that you're calm.

"How are you darling?" YeonJun asked on the other side of the line, you looked around you, seeing all the change clothes, the excess towels, the stuffed animals, the chocolates, fruits and more things that YeonJun had bought for you before leaving and laughed a little. "I'm fine, believe me, nothing's happening" you spoke and you heard him sigh in relief "I'm glad to hear that... oh, love, I'll be home soon, okay? I'll call you in a few more hours" and cut it off, you laughed a little, and you continued cooking in peace, when not even a minute passed and your phone rang again, your boyfriend YeonJun calling again, you laughed low and answered "are you sure you're okay? you don't want something? I can buy it, there's a store here" you laughed low and denied, again stating that nothing happens, really, it was already the eleventh time I called you that day.

Choi BeomGyu:

BeomGyu would say that he is a little, just a little calmer than the other two, he would be with you all day, following you and accompanying you everywhere you need, he would be more in charge of caressing you, pampering you, because he knows that somehow or other You are more sensitive than normal and would not like to see you cry over something he did accidentally, it would feel terrible.

You've been crying for hours, the end of that movie really hurt you more than expected, Beomgyu was just by your side, consoling you and pampering you "it's okay love, I know, it's quite sad, the puppy was very good and I didn't deserve that ending" he said softly as he caressed your back "I know, let's go buy some sweets, you talked about craving something like that, what do you say?" he spoke and left a tender kiss on your forehead, smiling lovingly at you "Y-yes, yes, okay" you murmured and sniffled, he smiled and kissed your kisses tenderly before wiping your tears with his fingers and taking your hand to They both leave the apartment.

Kang Taehyun:

Taehyun, Taehyun is Taehyun jsjs he would be the only one who would leave you alone, he knows it's something hormonal and natural to the body so he doesn't worry too much, yes, he would definitely buy you some to make you feel good, chocolates or see what don't lack wipes, sometimes I would call you, but I wouldn't be as harassing as YeonJun, definitely the calmest.

"How was today love?" you asked as soon as Taehyun arrived, he went straight to your side and hugged you from behind, kissing your neck gently "fine, how are you love?" He asked as he moved away from you, going towards the living room and taking you with him "fine" you answered, he nodded and handed you a bag "I brought you some things, you know, towels and stuff, sorry if there are a lot of them I didn't know which ones to buy and I I asked the manager, she recommended those... oh, there's also chocolate, just in case" he explained and smiled at you, you smiled in the same way "thank you love" he kissed your cheek, really, you adored your boyfriend.

Huening Kai:

Kai is very cute, he would surely lend you his stuffed animals so that you feel accompanied when he is not there 😭😭😭 Although, at first it would be a little difficult for him to know what's wrong with you, it's not that he's innocent, he just thinks that's "something for women" but if you need help with something he'll be very willing to help you <3

"I brought you this love" he spoke smiling as he handed you a small sweet, you smiled "thank you love" you spoke and a small grimace crossed your face at a stitch of your cramps, Kai immediately went over to hug you and pat your back " It's okay, love, do you want any pills? I think that alleviates the pain" I spoke smiling and you nodded, I kissed the crown of your head and I handed you a stuffed animal "so that it warms you while it hurts less, according to what I read" you smiled and you agreed, he immediately went in search of the pill that he thought he could use.

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claiestve · 16 days

Note

HEY I HOPE YOURE DOING GREAT !!! I have an idea so … this scenario is like a week before they became a couple (audio 9) and they had a day off since listener finished a case and they decided to take a day off. As listener got ready for sleep they got a little sad and basically went to sleep crying, Isaac still saw light coming from the room and since it was late he decided to check up on them. He walks in and as he was about to turn of the light he sees the tears and puffy cheeks from sleeping listener THEN ISAAC GETS SOFT AND WORRIED SLOWLY TOUCHING THEIR FACW AAAAAAA

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ꨄ Isaac

˜”* ❝𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙛 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚.❞

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ʜᴇ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴏᴋᴀʏ.

⎯୨⎯ " " ⎯୧⎯

It’s been so hard to get used to this type of life. Yeah, it’s been some time but damn, this shit is hard. You felt like you didn’t belong here no matter how much closer you and Isaac got, it just felt like you were out of place. And what about when you left? It didn’t feel like he wanted you to stay even if you wished he would. It was getting difficult for you to hide your feelings for him.

There was nothing left to do anymore. You finished any piece of work that came your way and now, you were left by yourself in your own company. It was peaceful but it felt overly lonely. That’s what you’ve been feeling lately, lonely. It was hard for you not to get all in your head when you were alone like this, especially at this time. Isaac was busy and there was nothing to distract you.

Why did this have to happen? You didn’t need a savior if things just went differently. It just felt like you were a burden on Isaac and you did not want to feel like that. Your eyes tear up at that. The thought that you were a burden on the only person you had, someone you really fucking like too.

Now, you’re sitting here bawling. It seemed so silly, like something you’d do if you were still a kid. Just crying about nonsense. But, it was your head getting to you. You were just glad Isaac didn’t see you like this. It would’ve been mildly embarrassing and you didn’t want to deal with that at all. You weren’t even sure if he was up at this time. You decided to go to bed as it was late and crying wasn’t going to fix anything, no matter how much you needed to.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Y/N?”

Your door cracks and eventually glides open revealing a sleepy Isaac. He came in to check on you since you left your lamp on. He already knew you were asleep but something inclined him to just get closer and check.

“You awake?”

A hand glided across your face with gentle intent. It was a sweet, soft touch almost like a caress. His hand met and caught a tear from your closed eyes. “You’ve been crying… why…”

He focuses on your puffy red face. He wasn’t used to seeing this, not from you at least. All of a sudden, you feel the bed move a bit. When you lifted your head, there he was, draped on the bed next to you.

“Isaac, why are you in here?”

“The light was on and um, I was worried.”

“Aw, thank you for worrying but there’s nothing to worry about.”

You roll over, looking away from him. You knew he saw your face but you didn’t want to draw any more attention to it. You’d rather hide under a thousand heavy covers than let him see your face like this. It was embarrassing and you’ve already embarrassed yourself enough in front of him.

“Please look at me.” He says in a desperate tone. It was on the verge of an eager request with a slight whimper.

With that voice, damn, you wanted to. You wanted to do anything he asked if he asked in that tone.

“Why?”

“I want to look at you when I talk to you.”

You sigh and turn around seeing his face. His expression is full of concern and sympathy. It wasn’t a pitiful expression, no, it was so much kinder than that. Somehow, it was comforting.

“Y/N, why were you crying?”

“There’s just a lot going on in my head right now, don’t worry, Isaac.”

“Are– are you sure? I mean, I can sit here and listen to you talk about it if you want.”

That was sweet of him but you didn’t want him losing sleep. Not for something like this anyway.

“It’s okay. Go to sleep, Isaac.”

“Fine,” He stood up, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

i miss isaac so bad now i know how the andrew fans felt UGHSAHG

#zsakuva #asmr #sakuverse #zsakuvaxreader #isaac #isaacrhoades

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starillusion13 · 4 months

Text

Thank You…

Pairing: Taeyong x f!reader

Genre: Idol au, slice of life, strangers

W.C: 3.7k

Warnings: none (but a bit emotional and talking to a stranger at night alone and also having self doubts)

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Guys my first ever Taeyong fic…I’m gonna cry😭

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated . Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

"Are you waiting for me...again?" your soft voice broke his trance and he turned towards you. His screen was on full brightness and he squinted his eyes to take a proper look of yours. He switched his phone off and nodded to your direction. You softly smiled at him and with slow steps, you walked towards the bench he was sitting on.

It's pretty usual for you to find him sitting on the bench and scrolling through his phone almost every day. Not every-day. It was not the same before three months.

One day when you were going back home from your work, you were depressed and also a bit sad and you sat on the bench to feel the cool breeze. Sometimes, spending time alone by the river and letting your thoughts out with a sigh and inhaling the peaceful aroma from the surrounding is a blessing. You often went to this place whenever you felt stressed.

But that day it was different. You found something, rather you met someone for whom you felt the urge to go there everyday and to your surprise that someone would always be there waiting for you.

Three months back. It started back then. You still remembered his glistening eyes staring at you and his broken voice. He was crying. Tears were flowing down his eyes and his hands were gripping his denim tightly. He was talking to you. His words were directed to you. He was lost. He was hated. He was broken. He was alone. Except his eyes. Nothing more was visible. He was wearing a black mask and a black cap. You didn't know why he was wearing all those for hiding his face but still who were you to ask him that.

Why were you even concern?

"Take this." You extended your hand offering your handkerchief towards him. He stared at it for too long and his gaze moved up to your face. You smiled acknowledging his attention.

It was your preferrable bench and usually you didn't find anyone before in that place and with the thought of having a company that day seemed a perfect idea. But when you got the closer look, it was not the way you thought. It was pretty much more than that.

Taking the handkerchief from your hand, he clutched it tightly in his hold. You followed his movement and heaved a sigh before putting up a little smile and turned towards him, shifting a bit closer to him but maintaining a decent distance. You suddenly didn't want to creep him out.

"You can wipe your tears or do anything with it. You can take it with you. Its not containing chloroform though so don't be scared. Its pretty new and the sweet mint smell is because of a spray bottle in my bag. I gave that to you so that other people wont notice you crying while going back home." You wanted to cheer him up and rambled everything to not make you seems like a crazy person but you were doing worse for yourself.

You gulped when noticing his lost eyes staring at you and you pressed your lips into thin line and raised your brows.

"I'm sorry..." "Thank you."

You both said at the same time. You laughed off the awkwardness and he chuckled too. Your eyes went wide and you stopped laughing.

"Did you just laugh? Did I make you smile? Wait did you said some words like in my language?" you were on it again with your questions bombarding on him.

"Which answer do you want first?" he asked you softly. His voice was broken and rough. The voice was having a glint of familiarity but you thought that many people can have same voice.

You pout and pressed your back to the seat and leaned back to look up at the sky. You took deep breathes. He was watching your every moment as if he saw a human being for the first time. His eyes trailed down from your short hairs waving to the breeze then to your exhausted face and down to you clutching your bag tightly to yourself. He noticed a particular keychain, rather a bundle of keyrings. The view of familiar objects tugged at his heart.

"Are you tired?" he asked you.

You silently nodded and remained in the same posture, just moving your head to face him, "yeah...I am but am willingly to hear you. Really. I'm serious. You can say me anything. I mean no harm."

He nodded and mimicked your posture. You smiled at him for being comfortable with you.

"Do you come here often?" he asked you again and faced you but you were already staring at the stars. His gaze was fixed on you.

"No. maybe not often but usually whenever I feel for a refreshment or like to spend time alone, I come here to think about everything and sink into my thoughts to dive back to a life with no stress." You weakly smiled and a frown appeared on your face and you faced him. You were shocked that he was already facing you but still you raised your voice, "hey, you are asking me questions and am answering them all but you didn't reply any of my earlier questions."

He laughed. It was not just a chuckle but a genuine laugh. Your heart felt light seeing him laughing as if a wave of familiarity passing you again. As if this laugh makes you happy somewhere but you cant set it in place. Where? The only way of knowing his emotions were through his eyes and voice. He had boba eyes and those were shining so much under the moonlight as if all those stars were just locked inside his watery gaze which were on you.

"I was teaching you how to ask questions to someone."

He paused and waited for your response. You sat back up and glared at him and he got up too, facing you.

"Don't tease me like that. I was just trying to make you comfortable with me so that you could feel a bit better from whatever you were hurt......but I think I made fun of myself."

He patted your head, "hey it's okay. I was just joking. Its funny though. You are sulky like Doy- my best friend."

You laughed with him.

He continued, "I can laugh because I have emotions. I can smile too but just you cant see me now. I can feel every emotion because I have a heart to feel it. Just some people are ignorant that I am a human too. They point out my mistakes. I appreciate it. They love me. I love them back. I do everything for others but in the end, they just turn their back to me for a misunderstanding. I hope I'm speaking in your language because I'm not an alien." He sadly chuckled. A tear fell from his eyes. He wiped it off with your hanky.

You stared at him. What happened? Who are these people he is talking about?

"to the last I give them everything. Even if I'm tired and feeling to give up but still I want to do everything to see others happy. Just to see them. To see us. Happy. Am I really bad?" he asked the last question softly and stared straight into your eyes.

The question felt like directly pointing towards you. As if he wanted you to answer it. He was eager to listen to you but you just gulped. You didn't know who were the people he was talking about, why he was sad and what he was even talking about. Overall, you knew he was broken and hurt.

"no one is really bad." You licked your lips before continuing, "do you think I'm perfect. No. we can't be perfect in every way. Its natural for some people to love us and some to hate us and we should always focus on the good part. Look out for the people who are still good to you and trying to know the actual reason without misunderstanding you. If you only focus on the shining part, every other thing will eventually blur out."

"that's how you keep up with your life?"

"maybe. Actually I try to keep up like that. I try every day. Sometimes its really hard to live when you don't have any good reason to be motivated and only getting hurt by some worst reality. But thanks to some people who are cheering me up every day from afar without even knowing me. They never hurt me but heal me. whenever they get hurt. I feel sad. Oh yeah wait you should follow them."

" them? Who? They are really good people then." He smiled in the end.

You hurriedly searched for your phone inside your bag, your keyrings dangling and he was gazing at the familiar things again. He was both scared and happy to see it. He was unsure about his feeling because of you.

You typed something in your phone and your face was lit up to the light from your screen. You were so focused and excited to show him some people. He was curious to know who were the people you were excited about. he was glad that you had some people to make you feel happy.

"look...they are the best.." you scooted closer towards him. You didn't mind that his fingers were almost touching your thighs. It was nothing disrespectful and you were wearing a jeans similar to him and you were all focused on your screen than minding your surroundings, "This is NCT. My favorite boy group."

Three familiar letters visible to his eyes. N.C.T. so you were talking about them. He would have told you about his members in a similar way. They are really best. He thought that inside his mind and smiled to himself. His members are really best. They are his family. But is he good enough to fit with them? This thought lingering in his mind.

"so like they have so many members. Its pretty hard to understand them when you are new but gradually you will understand them and their different units. You will definitely love them. You know life is pretty harsh to us. We are hated and get hurt by others even when we ourselves don't know what we did wrong. But still we can be happy." You held his hand. "please don't hurt yourself thinking about them. Please be happy. Think of the people who love you. Who want to see you happy?"

"do you love NCT? Do you love them?" his sudden question made you blink twice.

"yeah. I love them a lot. They are my safe place after a stressful day. You will find a different world when you are with them. You will feel as if you have a family who loves you from a distance. Their smile, their laugh, their jokes, their voice, their moves, and everything is filled with a bond of love. A love of friendship. I really don't have friends who love them but a few online friends though." You stated but still deep in thoughts when you looked at your screen and scrolled down.

"Tell me..." you looked back at him when he asked you, "tell me about this NCT. I want to know about them."

"you can search it up on google NCT which is Neo Culture Technology. Wait I'm giving you some youtube link."

He held your hand, halting your movement, "no I want to hear it from you. I want to hear your perspective. I can search their group details and all from the internet but I can never search for your point of view."

"what do you want to hear?"

"everything. From the beginning."

You nodded and again leaned back but now he was still sitting facing you. He watched how you kept your bag between you and him and sighed, "I was in high-school when I found them. They were rookies back then and literal children like me, even though some are of my age. I wasn't a person of outgoing and party lover so basically I used to spend my time alone in my room and one day I found out a video on them. I reluctantly opened it and started watching it. Out of curiosity, I dig in the video and watched all the related and recommended videos. I searched about them everywhere. I felt as if I found a new family. I noticed that I always felt happy whenever I was with them, of course through a screen. I found a family and him. He made me love myself. He taught me how to be hard-working and be good to others. 'Never give up on your dreams. You can make it happen.' He guided me when I had no one. I am too much related to them."

"who is he? Member of NCT?" he asked you and adjusted his cap.

You nodded, "yes. My favorite person."

"What's his name? tell me about him?"

You chuckled, "if you were a fan of kpop and asked me this then I would have feel weird and thought you were asking me about my bias to make him your own bias. Hey, I'm just kidding. Well his name is Lee Taeyong. He is the leader of NCT. He was the reason I got invested into this group so much. He caught my eyes first because somewhere I felt his story of struggles personally. I saw how he fights his inner battles just to prove others that he is good. Sometimes it feels like he wants to prove it to himself more. I don't know him personally but I know his life is much more difficult behind those screens. But I want him to be happy like the way he makes me smile."

Lee Taeyong. The moment his name came out of your mouth. He was shocked. Previously he was shocked already for many reasons. Your Czennie keyrings, your favorite group is NCT and then he is your bias. And you described him in such a loving way. The way he never thought of himself to see. He often heard things like this from his members who are apparently his best-friends. But he never heard anything like this from other anyone in person. The person who is his fan.

"do you think he is a good person? What if he is bad and people starts hating on him? Will you hate him too?" he asked you in an unsure tone but you smiled back to him.

"As I said earlier. No one is totally perfect. Neither you nor myself is good. But we try to improve ourselves and probably he is fighting too. He is a human too like us. He is not a toy who needs to be perfect for us to love them. Their truths and different emotions and sides made me fall in love with them. I don't care what others think about him. But I will believe him till the day I find an actual reason to hate him. I will love him. I love him a lot." You smiled brightly.

You were smiling thinking of Taeyong. But the man sitting in front of you had tears in his eyes but there was a proud and thankful smile hiding behind the mask.

"you are pretty like your soul." His hand caressed your cheeks. You got startled with the sudden touch and he noticed it and quickly apologized.

"I meant that people who know how to love others are really pretty like you. I'm sure he loves you too. He deserves fans like you. He needs fans like you." His words were dipped in hurt. He was telling as if he needs you. You softly smiled.

“Well I’m just a czennie or also you can say a NCTzen from Neocity. I’m happy in this delulu world.”

“What’s delulu?” He was confused.

“You haven’t heard the world delulu? There is a famous phrase ‘Delulu is the solulu’ means delusion is the solution. I just like to be happy in my delusions apart from this reality sometimes.”

“Don’t you want him to love you back the same way you love him? Don’t you want to feel him in your reality other than being delusional?”

You unlocked your screen and stared at the lockscreen and he noticed that it was his picture with a bright smile on his face hiding all the pain behind it and feeling loved by all the fans which was brightly glowing in your phone. In your heart.

“I love him. I really love him but…” you smiled at the picture, “but he is for his fans to love him…even if I want to keep him to myself.”

You looked up to his eyes.

Your words directly hit his heart. He felt like he needed you all these times. You were like an angel who was sent to point out the good in everything. But as you said he was not yours in the first place. There are many others like you who are loving him and being motivated by him. He is their inspiration for life.

He is for his fans to love him.

He got a call from his manager and then you both parted your ways. He fished the hanky in his pocked and walked away with waving you goodbye.

And like that everyday you would see him sitting there waiting for you and gradually you became friends in few weeks and still you don’t know his face.

“It’s not fair how you get to see me and know my face but I don’t know anything about you.”

“It’s better for you to not know my face. And also we don’t know one thing about each other so let it be like this.”

“What?”

“We don’t know each other’s names.”

“Do you want to know?”

He shook his head, “no. Let’s keep it like this…it’s better.”

This became a daily routine of yours and today it was similar to find him at the exact same spot. He always waits there at the bench when you return from your work.

“Yeah I was waiting for you but then I thought you won’t be coming today and I was sad.”

He stood up and patted your head.

You were surprised to see him being like that but still put on a smile.

“Why were you sad? Because you won’t have someone to talk to? Well I am here now…”

He nodded, “I am sad but all these days I was happy because of you. I loved talking to you. But…we won’t be meeting again…I was here to spend few months holidays in my free time from stressful worklife but I had my best days because of you.”

Oh. So he is leaving.

“You are leaving……”

“Even if I’m leaving we will keep this memory forever with us. Our life is private to each other but we have a common secret. The secret of us in these 3 months.”

He extended his hand revealing a green coloured hanky. You creased your brows and stared at it.

“Why?”

“I heard that czennies love green colour so that’s a friendship gift for you like you gave me on our first day. I have kept it with me. The red colour was cute. And this is for you.”

You took it and today you were crying. You were crying because you felt someone ripping your heart apart or like he was leaving a blank space in your puzzle.

You noticed tiny stitches in a corner of the hanky. Three letters written in black L.T.Y. And below it with a small hyphen again three letters N.C.T.

L.T.Y.

- N.C.T.

“L.T.Y. Huh?”

“Love Thank You…” he pronounced each word with a space. His voice was like usual, a bit clogged due to the mask and sometimes it’s difficult to understand his words.

“Love?”

“You are filleded with love and purity. You are a love in person.”

Oh. Silly you.

“For a second I thought it’s Lee Taeyong.”

He followed your laugh. But then he told you to look up at the sky. You did as he told you.

“ if you feel like to talk to me ever again. I’m going to listen to you through those stars. I will talk to you like that too.”

You nodded and a tear dropped from your eyes like a shooting star of losing hope to see him again.

“Will I ever get to see you again?” You asked him in a broken voice.

You have never seen his face and also don’t know anything about him but still you got attached to him too much. Can’t you keep in touch with him?

“Don’t know but it’s better not. It will be better if I just remain as a part of your memory not your reality or present.”

Not your reality or present.

You nodded again.

Like everyday he got a call again after which he leaves in hurry. It was same for today as well but today’s farewell was meant forever. Before he could turn around after saying goodbye.

You hugged him.

It was a quick hug and you quickly retreated yourself and looked down after taking few steps back. He stepped forward and patting your head, he nodded.

“I’m sorry… but I felt like to hug you and I want to say Thank you before our last goodbye. I hope you didn’t cry again. You are perfect in your own way. People love you and I know you are a person to be loved.”

You love him too. It might can sound weird but it’s okay because as a friend you love him a lot.

“It’s okay I can understand. And….thank you to you too. and please keep loving him. Taeyong needs you to love him.”

Waving your hands to each other. He ran to the opposite direction to your home. You watched his retreating figure until the far your eyes could see him because you knew beyond that you won’t be seeing him again.

Thank you…

he was thankful to meet his fan.

After that whenever you crossed that place, you glanced for once in the direction with a losing hope and found it empty. You sadly smiled at it and looked up to the stars.

“I hope you are happy living your life somewhere…”

“Thank you, czennie.”

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades [open!]

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skzpvol · 4 months

Text

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ MEMORIES - lee minho ࿐ྂ

pairing: exbf!minho x gn!reader

genre: angst

warnings: toxic relationship, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of cheating, reader is very rude (can you blame them?) and yeah general sad behaviors

wc: 3.1k

synopsis: you loved the song “Memories” but it hits different when you start to realize that the song is talking about your current relationship with your ex boyfriend.

a/n (1): this fic is inspired by this. Listen to “Memories” by Conan Gray before starting. English is not my first language so please let me know if I made some mistakes!

It’s been a couple of month,

that’s just about enough time

for me to stop crying when i look at all the pictures

now I kinda smile, I haven’t felt that in a while

Once you set foot in the apartment, you immediately regretted the choice. You already noticed that when you couldn’t stop shaking when you turned the keys in the lock. It had only been two months, yet it seemed that time had never stopped. You thought you’d never come into that place again, but you were there now, in that outdated entrance. Dusty sofa, messy kitchen and locked bedroom. You thought you’d never come into that place again, you were sure, but you were there now. The apartment was exactly as you remembered it, exactly as you remembered it before you ended your relationship with Minho.

With the box in hand you continued your walk towards the sofa, but each step corresponded to a stab in the chest. Every important moment was enclosed in those 4 walls. In that house you could retrace all the steps of your past relationship. Although the wounds were not yet fully healed, you also felt a strong sense of acceptance and peace. Each photograph, still carefully hung, made you unintentionally bruise a smile.

You miss him. You know that. But there’s no going back. Even though he was the best thing in life, you couldn’t go back.

You put the box down before closing your eyes and feeling the atmosphere. The rain that lightly slammed on the glass, the heating fan that started to work and the indelible smell of autumn leaves still imprinted on your clothes. If it wasn’t for the purpose of your return, you would have said it was one of the quietest moments in your life.

It’s late, I hear the door

Bell ringing, and it’s pouring

I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance

you just wanna talk, and I can’t turn away a wet dog

Before you could do anything else, a loud noise interrupted the moment and you were forced to approach the door. Someone rang the bell, and the first thing you did was cross your fingers.

Please don’t be him.

When you opened the door, the new world built in recent months collapsed completely. Seeing those familiar brown eyes, you also saw all the pain that that man made you feel. You would also retrace the day when you promised that for nothing in the world you would give him another chance. There’s no way in hell you’d let the man you loved the most in the world scratch the armor of your heart again. What you had been through was still hard to swallow, and God knows how many times you prayed for the man in front of you to leave you alone. But apparently, the latter didn’t even seem to care. You wanted to slam the door in his face, but nothing could be compared to the way he hurt you. And so you did.

«please y/n» the boy took the door before you could close it completely. «I-I just want to talk- please»

Even though you wanted to yell at him, tell him how much you hated him and get him out of your life for good, you just couldn’t.

You couldn’t do it.

You noticed how thin he was, the bags and dark circles under his swollen eyes and his clothes completely wet because of the storm that had been falling undaunted for two hours. With the empty bottle of soju in his hand, Minho kept looking at you and wondering if you felt what he was feeling.

He certainly felt remorse and shame. But the most fragile thing was repentance. He was so sorry for what he did to you. He had ruined your life and ruined the relationships you were going to have from there. He would have done anything to go back. Even quit his job if it was necessary. But he couldn’t. He had to accept the truth as it was. He had to accept that there would never be a future for you again.

But please, don’t ruin this for me

Please, don’t make it harder than it already is

I’m trying to get over this

«please y/n» Minho approached you. And you were there. Unmoved, hoping that everything that was going on was just happening in your head and that that was another nightmare you’d wake up from.

«y/n, i just want to-» «don’t you dare to touch me» you shook your ex-boyfriend’s hand, but inevitably the door was wide open and you were definitely too far away to close it. His eyes were hooked to yours, and as much as it hurt, you couldn’t stop looking at him. It was so weird to see him like that. And even though it was only two months later, you couldn’t recognize him. It was as if he had let go, as if he had put his health in second place.

Minho started getting closer, and every step of the way, you took one back.

"There’s no way in hell you’d give him another chance" was the only thought in your body.

«c-can we talk?»

«i don’t want to listen to you» you tried to say. «give me only 5 minutes, please» he took your hands and squeezed them, but you didn’t do anything to stop him. You only hoped that your eyes would speak louder and that they would get Minho kicked out of your apartment. And it was weird to think that little house was all yours now. To think that no more than two months ago you shared it with the man you hoped would stay by your side forever. Or rather, with the man who promised to stay with you forever.

I wish that you would stay in my memories

But you show up today just to ruin things

I wanna put in the past ‘cause I’m traumatized

but you’re not letting me do ‘cause tonight

You decided to step away from the edge of the door and go to the kitchen. You didn’t want to lower your guard and show weakness in front of him. You had done it so many times and now you had neither the courage nor the will to do it, you had many weaknesses and Minho knew them all. But now you didn’t mean for him to penetrate your emotions. You were sick of his toxic side and you were so happy to be free of it. Then why did you feel a strong grip on your heart every time you crossed his gaze?

«only 5 minutes and you’ll n-never see me again, but p-please give me 5 minutes» Minho slowly walked into the kitchen but didn’t come near you. Despite the alcohol in his system, he knew he didn’t have to come near you to make you listen. Minho knew all the crap you felt for him, he knew all the pain he had made you feel and the last thing he wanted was to hurt you again.

Meanwhile, you were there, your mind retracing every second of your past relationship and all the mistakes you both made. Your eyes that begged you to let out tears and your hands that didn’t even ask your permission, on the contrary, started shaking like leaves and you didn’t even notice. He was the past, and you would do anything to make sure he wasn’t in your present.

you’re all drunk in my kitchen, curled in a fetal position

to busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say

“I wish that you would stay in my memories”

in my memories, stay in my memories

«get out Minho, you are drunk, and i don’t want to have this conversation when you are definitely not sane» before letting it continue you corrected yourself. «in fact, I don’t want to talk to you and that’s it» The man in front of you frowned and it seemed that he also was struggling to hold back tears.

And you turned around because seeing him like that made you think you were the architect. It was your fault that the most beautiful relationship you had ever had was completely dissolved. "It’s all my fault, all my fault, mine, mine" was the only thought that came up every time you saw his tears.

You didn’t deserve to feel this way after what he made you feel. If everything was gone, it was because of him.

«please» Minho knelt down. He knelt before you for the second time. The first was always in this apartment, exactly one week after you moved in.

"You probably would have preferred me to ask you at another time and not in the new kitchen that is still dirty and needs fixing. But ever since I bought this ring, I can’t help myself, and I need to ask. y/n l/n, I never believed in forevers, but it’s been 5 years since we’ve been together and you’re the reason I started to believe that something can actually last forever. You know, I’ve always been undecided, but one thing I’m sure of, y/n. You’re the person I want by my side forever, you’re the person I love, and you’ll always be everything I need. And I want to live forever more moments like this with you. And I’m asking you here, in the dust and the boxes, to marry me. Give me the honor of continuing to believe in forevers with you"

Too bad that forever was very short.

«You know it hurts? It hurts to see you here after 2 months since we broke up» you had decided to look at him but your eyes had stopped fighting and now your cheeks were wet. «And what’s even more fun is that I was well again. I had finally managed to get you out of my mind and continue my life. I had managed to make you only a memory. And I» your hand violently cast away tears. It was hard to talk, but if he wanted to talk, then you’d make sure you had the last word. «I only hoped that you would remain in my memories»

«but I don’t want to remain your memory y/n» Minho almost screamed but from his voice you managed to perceive despair not anger. «y/n, I was like this when I asked you to marry me, remember?» the boy got up and knelt before you again. But this time he managed to take your hands and you once again did nothing.

«This was the ring that you gave me. I-I still have it, see?» Minho raised a hand in front of your face and the first thing your eyes fell on was the silver ring you gave him on your fifth anniversary.

«I told you I would never take it off. I told you I would keep it on my deathbed too» the boy still took your hands.

«Minho you’re raving, stop-»

«I still have 4 minutes, listen to me» his eyes did not go away from yours. But as much as you wanted to be strong, your legs were about to give out, and all those moments that Minho was making you voluntarily remember made you fragile. Maybe even too much.

«Do you know why I still have it? Because it is the only thing I have left of you. I have nothing left y/n. Even your perfume has completely left my clothes. I have nothing left. And I need you, just like I told you when I proposed» The boy got up before continuing, but his hands did not leave yours that he was not going to stop shaking. «I know that what I have done is unforgivable-» «if you know then why are you here?» You tried to say, but he interrupted you again.

«Because I don’t want to give up. I can’t live without you anymore y/n. I stopped doing all the things we did together because the pain is too much to bear. Soonie is always waiting for you at the door and Dori is always on the left side of the bed. And it’s heartbreaking y/n. It’s heartbreaking to know that you won’t walk through that door or that you won’t be on that side of the bed anymore. I have tried to go further, to think of something else or to know someone, but how can I concentrate on a new person when you are the only person who constantly occupies my thoughts? You are the only person I love, the only person who makes me feel alive. Y/n you are my light and since you are not there, I have only darkness around me»

Minho stopped so unexpectedly that you were paralyzed for a second. You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Every word he said meant a punch in the face.

now I can’t say “Goodbye”

if you’ll stay here the whole night

you know it’s to find an end to something that you keep beginning

over and over again

«Why didn’t you try to protect that light then? Why did you prefer to fucking blow on it at any moment?» You pushed him away, he was so close to your body that you couldn’t breathe. And you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know whether to scream, keep crying, throw him away, or just sit and talk to him.

Minho, however, did not answer, he continued to scrutinize you, also completely tired from the tears. He was silent, perhaps because he was looking for the right words to continue or maybe because he simply had nothing to say.

«you’re so selfish» you started saying. You said it so quietly that you thought he didn’t hear it, but he was actually just waiting for you to go on. «you have continued to tell me how much you have been bad, how much I have made you suffer, how much you have done everything in order to go on, how much you can’t live anymore, but you have not minimally thought about how did i feel, how much did I suffer?» Your finger hit his chest repeatedly as you emphasized the "you".

«I know what I did is unforgivable» again. "Maybe you didn’t understand" you thought. And you were tired. Fed up with the fact that he hadn’t looked at reality yet.

«you cheated on me Minho» you shouted hoping that it would hurt less. Hoping that the wound would not open quickly. But you also felt satisfaction when you noticed that the statement hurt him more. Minho walked away slowly but without looking away from you. His body had also begun to tremble. And you were at least grateful that the pain was mutual. The only difference was that you felt anger and disappointment, but he felt a strong sense of disgust with himself. He knew he had broken the most precious thing in the world, but he didn’t think hearing it had that kind of impact.

«How could I forgive you after such a thing?»

I promise that the ending always stays the same

so there’s no good reason in make-believing

that we could ever exist again

«Let’s start all over again» Minho tried everything for everything, but a part of him knew what the answer would have been. «are you kidding?» They were the only words that came out of your mouth before you left.

You couldn’t believe it. Once again he couldn’t respect your limits. Once again he had crossed the line that you had barely drawn.

«I need you y/n» you turned again and your arms embraced you throughout your waist, maybe to seek some comfort. «and I need you to leave me alone» you didn’t even try to drive away the tears. What was the point anyway?

«y/n, i-i love you and if we tried-» «there is no "we" Minho! There will never be a "we" because you decided to ruin everything!» no longer mattered to you. Even if he saw you crying or screaming or despairing, it wouldn’t have changed anything. And if there was one thing you learned especially after your relationship with Minho, it was that you couldn’t keep it all inside because then you would explode. Just like at that moment. You fell to the ground and with your eyes closed you hoped again that everything was just a dream. A nightmare.

«Go away Minho» you begged him again. But he had another plan.

I can’t be your friend, can’t be your lover

can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love

with somebody other than me

He sat before you and took your hands again. «I still want you in my life. I know it’s too much to bear but we can remain friends for a while. We can stay in touch and-» for the nth time that night you interrupted him. «friends? Minho how can I be your friend if every time I look at you I only see disgust» you tried to free yourself from the grip but it was all useless because you felt too weak.

«don’t do this to me» Minho cried again. He cried and he didn’t even do anything to stop. He was just looking at you. And a small part of him, a very small part of him, was hoping that you could feel mercy to see him like this.

«I can no longer have you in my life Minho. I must go on, we must go on»

«how can I go on when you are the reason why I will never fall in love again» he was more serious, probably because he wanted you to understand it 100%. But as time went on, the more he heard your answers, his hopes slowly drifted away. There was nothing left in his soul but a huge void. He shattered your heart into a million pieces, and you probably still had a hard time picking them all up. He couldn’t go back, he couldn’t change. Everything he did was irreversible and Minho finally figured it out.

«My light has gone out definitively» the phrase caught you by surprise and you looked at him immediately. You no longer saw sadness on his face, but only a great and profound resignation. It’s like nothing ever happened and he wrapped you in a hug. A hug as warm as cold because it would probably be the last.

«Thank you for making me believe in forevers» he cupped your cheeks and his thumbs gently removed your tears. «but I think that from now on I won’t believe in it anymore», a slight smile hinted before continuing.

«I will love you forever and you will always be the only owner of my heart» a kiss on the forehead was the last touch that Minho gave you.

And without adding anything else, he stood up and walked to the door and you followed him slowly. You couldn’t believe it. Was it over? You must have felt relieved, especially after everything he said to you. Then why did you feel this great weight on your heart?

«You know Minho, not only you lost your light that day» Minho turned to the sound of your voice and opened his eyes a little.

«you were my sun» Still with tears in your eyes, you smiled at him.

«I am sorry for all the pain that I have provoked you, but I beg you, make that light shines again. There is someone out there who will take care of it, certainly better than me» he said.

Once he turned around, you closed the door and you were ready to finally close that chapter of your life. That night was the last time you spoke to Lee Minho, but it was also the first time in months that you felt free.

You were ready to shine again.

a/n (2): OMG HI HOW ARE YOU??? It’s been so long since the last time I posted and I’m so sorry for my inactivity. I didn’t have much motivation to write during the last few months so I preferred to take a rest. Btw, I really hope you enjoyed my new work and I’m not that kind of person but I’d really appreciate if you could like and reblog it 🫶🏻. I’d also really appreciate some opinions about it. This took me so long but it’s personally one of my favorite. School break is over in less than 4 days and idk how much active I will be but I’m always on Tumblr. Feel free to contact me or anything! Thank you so much for reading, your support helps me so much. Have a nice day/night ❤️

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nohoney · 10 months

Note

no bc i’m actually obsessed with your Hunger Games AU with Keigo and Katsuki. would you be willing to expand on it??

oooh yes, i’m very willing (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

hawks / bakugou

“I think I’ll die.”

Bakugou listens quietly from behind the door of his room, opened just a small crack as he strains his ears to listen to you speak. He’s supposed to be resting since it’s less than 48 hours for the games to begin. All that stupid parading, those annoying interviews, the scoring of all the tributes skills, all of it has lead up to games.

“Don’t say that, you’re smarter than you look. Let them underestimate you, survive out there for yourself and slip under the radar.” Hawks is trying to comfort you, standing out in the hallway where all the bedrooms are located in the lavish apartment. “You remember everything I taught you?”

He assumes that you nodded your head, he can see it in his head along with the meek little hum you gave. You’re going to live, Bakugou is going to make sure of it. You’re going to make it home and pick those flowers from the bushes you love so much, drizzle honey into your tea after trading a month’s worth of rations for just a little bit of decadence, and you’ll outlive him.

You sob a little and Hawks is shushing you. “It’s okay, cry it out now.”

“And Bakugou? What about him?” you ask quietly, “He’s my friend…”

Sadness rises in his chest and he clenches his fist. It’s swallowed down but Bakugou can’t help his heart twisting at the thought of you being sad over him. He’s always been there for you, letting you piggyback off him when you were too tired to walk through the forest, punching your bullies when they made you cry, and he always walked beside you every year when you walked towards the reaping.

“… do you know why he volunteered? He won’t tell me.”

If Hawks says anything, Bakugou is going to murder him.

“It’s best that you get rest tonight,” Hawks chooses to go around the question, “did you need something to help you sleep? I know how restless you’ve been since you’ve come here.”

There’s a little hum from you again, this one being disagreeing. “Do you remember when we used to go to the lake and play in the water with the other kids? And then we’d all nap together under the trees? You used to pet my head until I fell asleep. You remember right?” You ask quietly.

“I do.”

Bakugou does too, making a small spark of jealousy rise up in his chest. It was all innocent back then, just young kids playing and tiring themselves out. But he was always jealous too, seething silently when you paid attention to someone else but secretly happy when you stuck to his side.

“Can you do that for me please? I just… I’m sorry. That was dumb.” You try to backpedal but Hawks assured you that he’s okay with it, the softness of his voice such a dead giveaway for the obvious feelings he has for you.

It makes Bakugou want to bash his head against the wall, thinking of you and Hawks together. You’re supposed to be with him. He was supposed to have given you your favorite flowers and asked your parents for their permission to go steady at this point.

“Let’s go on the couch, I’ll grab the blanket from your room.”

Good. If Hawks had suggested your room or his own, Bakugou would have blown a fuse.

When Bakugou comes out his room in the morning, you’re sleeping alone on the couch with the blanket tucked comfortably around you. You look peaceful and he stands to admire you for a bit. His eyes look around first, glancing to be sure that Hawks isn’t around. Then he reaches down to pet the top of your head, feeling how soft your hair is from the luxurious shower products that he hopes you will get to bathe in again when this is all over.

“Mmf… Bakugou?” You mutter, your voice still heavy with sleep as you start to rouse. “Good morning.”

“Hey.” he simply greets, “You want some tea?”

You nod your head as you slowly sit up from your spot. You stretch your limbs and yawn. Although you managed to sleep, he sees that you are not rested. “I’m scared.” You quietly admit, “I’m really scared.”

He knows.

“I’m scared that-“ you start to speak but then Hawks emerges from the hallway. You keep your head down and shrink into yourself, unable to look at Hawks or Bakugou.

━━━━✧

Hawks watches with bated breath, everyone quiet as they watch the scene unfold in front of them. You fell sick, running with a high fever and delirious, barely able to stay conscious. Bakugou tucked you away in a cave to keep you safe, trying to keep you fed and alive. Everyone could see that he was upset to see you so unwell and unable to fend for yourself.

The two of you fell asleep together just a few hours ago with Bakugou’s arms wrapped protectively around you despite you complaining that it was too hot. You needed to break the fever and he was making sure of that even when you cried over how uncomfortable you felt. But the cameras were on you, recording everything when you slipped out of Bakugou’s hold and slowly peeled off the layers of clothes from your body.

If only Hawks could tell the cameras to turn away, to pan to the other tributes but he knows they won’t.

This is good television for them after all.

“Bakugou… Bakugou… it’s hot.” You slightly rock him back and forth, sweat sticking to your forehead and looking so sad. “Wake up… wake up!”

He startled awake, his eyes immediately of course drawn to your nudity and he hisses for you to put your clothes back on. You weakly fight him, shaking your head and whining in a way that reminds Hawks of when you used to throw a tantrum when you were a child. He used to pick you up and hold you until you calmed down. Now he watches how Bakugou is struggling to keep his composure around you in this vulnerable state.

“(Name)! (Name)! Stop, put your damn clothes on!” Bakugou is trying to push the thermals over your head and dress you while also trying to keep his head turned away. The stupid hosts comment how chivalrous Bakugou is, admiring with a cooing ‘awww’ that makes Hawks sick to his stomach.

This isn’t meant to be cute; you’re indecent and sick and it’s all being recorded.

“I can’t do it…” you murmur, “Can’t…”

“Yea, you can.” Bakugou sighs in frustration, “just put your head through-“

“I can’t go home without you.” You admit to him, still pushing off the clothing he’s trying to put you in.

Everyone watching the scene holds their breath.

Bakugou freezes, his face looked pained but unsure what he should say to you.

“Please, we have to go home together.” You plead quietly with tears beginning to prick the corners of your eyes, “We need to go home.”

Bakugou remains silent before putting his hand over your forehead. “Your fever is getting worse, you need to lay down and rest more.”

Hawks breaks out of his trance and looks around. He needs to do his part as your mentor, try to get you some aid from his end in any way he can. So even though he’s sick to his stomach that your nudity was televised and such an intimate moment between you and Bakugou was captured, he sets it aside to schmooze up the elites. He tells them precious little stories of you and Bakugou as children, now using the intimate confession to spin a story of sweet childhood friends with secret harboring feelings for one another.

The very thing that Bakugou never wanted in the first place.

The elites eat it up and a little parachute of medicine sails slowly in the air towards Bakugou. He snatches it and practically rips the shell open, his body deflating in relief when he finds medicine inside.

Hawks just knows that if he were to tell Bakugou how he was able to get that medicine for you, he’d be dead.

#y’all don’t know how long i was waiting for someone to finally ask about the hunger games au #this was sitting in my head for the last year or so and i was so happy to finally write it out #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #hawks angst #bakugou angst #hunger games au

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arch3ontumbl · 1 month

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World Bearer Part 2

"He's here Shoko, I did it" I repeated in the seemingly deaf Shoko, the backround noise of the phone echoes the business calls for the injured sorcerers. For a second Shoko were about to speak, she hears your child cry as it woke up from it's first slumber.

"Shoko what is it? How's Gojo, please tell me he is fine now.. he broke free from the seal right.. he promised" I paused for a second

"Oh my world" I whisper to my sons ear as I brushed his hair back off to sleep. The phone remained silent after a thud on the other end of the line "Shoko?!" I kept repeating my worry growing

"y/n I'm so sorry" Shoko's words shot like a bullet straight to the head as if I knew what she was about to reveal even before she have said

"Gojo.. Gojo is—" I hear Shoko for the first time finally bursting out of her emotion bubble as mine broke, a wash of sudden realization that I am alone now with our son

How am I supposed to handle this

How am I supposed to live like this

How can I protect our son

How could you leave me like this, LEAVE US LIKE THIS

My mind running deeper and deeper as I haven't noticed my eyes crying out for a little mercy of the world to just spare my husband, spare Gojo, let us live in peace. How many times we argued, how many times I were to tell him to lay down the weight of the world off his shoulders. How many times, If only have tried harder to convince him to leave and just runaway with me and his son. How many times he said he bears responsibility that he was born with enormous power to be held guilt tripped from, he could have turned his back and walked away, ran away with me, but instead took what he could when he was the only one to protect the world against such evil.

For all od humanity, for the innocent, the greater good, the future.

But what about us

"c/n Satoru shall be your name" I wiped my tears yet it still spilled down to my cheeks, my child cry once again as I sat in pain from fresh labour and pure stress, big doubts and confusion. Anger, sadness, and grief. I doubt Shoko for the first time she delivers the news, the rest of Gojo's death explained on the phone had caused me to go deaf, I refuse to believe such news after his promise, he promised.

My ears ringing as I could hear the faint voice of Shoko through the phone calling my name again and again

I stood up as the pain between my legs hindered my walk, carrying my child with a bit of blood pooling the floor. I look outside as the night were so cold and lonely to protect a new little one. I wrapped him around a thicker cloth Gojo has bought in advance before, now to think back to it he bought houses, left money, children things and over filling our bank with his money and assets entitled to me. We chose everything together, thinking back now how dumb of me that everytime he thought of when anytime he could leave or this situation happens atleast he gave everything we would need for the least when he knew he was the one we need for the most.

I wept as the window were closed leaving me on a rocking chair in a warm fireplace, my child on my chest, my eyes wandering of the toys he bought in advance, the clothes he thought that would good look on his wife and his son, pairing family outfits.

My eyes puff, my heart aches, I try to be as silent as my son sleeping

I will protect you

I will give you the life without burden even with the power to lift so

I bear the world, I bear you my son

And I will not allow you to bear the world just because you were able to be born to shoulder so.

63 missed calls from Shoko.

Part 3?

#anime #jjk satoru #jjk gojo #gojo angst #jujutsokaisen #jujutsu gojo #Jujutsu angst #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader #gojo x you

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kkl1nch0r · 4 months

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title: woes of an immortal (blade x gn!reader)

angst. this is angst guys. i was feeling emo. please don't come for my throat if your soul is shattered like mine was when I typed in the last words LOL!

-------

Since when did once an abomination seek and find its inner beauty?

Since when did a monster find their claws worthy and able to cradle the body of their dead love gently?

Since when did a beast, its fangs eternally stained with the slaughterous voices of its sin, bound and sliced cleanly from its vices, learn to find itself worthy of affection?

Blade was the first to be.

Once his weary eyes, deprived of desire, gazed into yours– the savage tamed by the saint– everything prior to his misery (as well the whole of his suffering) had been snuffed out. Much like the blowing out of a candle with its constant need to burn, all there was left was the stub of wax. Unhealed scars, bleeding wounds, a wailing soul.

I’ve changed, repeated the immortal abomination. I’ve changed.

You had held his cold cheek firmly and told him things you alone cannot remember– only a man who had lived so mundanely could recall the very words you had uttered.

But at the merciless hands of death, who can blame for one to forget? Even those who have lived with such purpose and ambition cannot remember every word they have spoken on their deathbed.

Your deathbed was his lap, your pillows were his trembling hands, and your last breath was just as shaking as his. Your vision faded, coming into focus to see blades ugly ass eye sigh this is shit

I bring misery, he says, his voice sounding like a cry heard from the other side of a wall. I have brought this upon you.

“Do not blame yourself,” you whisper, and he begins to cry– it's a mourning howl. He’s wailing; there are no signs of him stopping, as his tears come down upon your face like rain. A scarred, quivering hand clutches yours, and your heart breaks– as much as you wish to squeeze back reassuringly, there is no strength left in your body to reciprocate his gesture. No more energy to dispel his worries.

Blade tires himself out by crying; he lets out a choked sob, having lamented so hard his voice is broken, scattered like his essence. He had been begging for death just then; why did he wish for life now?

“Blade,” you whisper weakly, and it brings another wave of sobs. Blade doesn’t know he torments you with his sorrow. You lie in his arms helplessly as the man strangles himself with his cries.

Oh, it sounds so sad. So terrible, to know that you are about to pass on and he, immortal as he is, can do nothing about it– can do nothing about his death, nor yours, and can only watch as time flies by; to wait for a person who will never come back, nobody to answer his calls. Nobody to return to; nobody to look for in the bustling crowds of the Xianzhou.

Nobody to confide in, love, protect– Blade brings your hand to his lips– a gentle kiss placed on your knuckles as you manage a weak smile, lifting your hand to hold his cheek. He so desperately presses into your touch, tears trickling down his cheeks, barely able to hold back his grieving cries.

“You…” Swallowing thickly, you try to form a coherent sentence. “You haven’t changed.”

Not one bit? Blade asks sadly, pressing his lips against the palm of your hand. The shake of your head answers him, and Blade breathes in deeply, but it hitches, and he shakes with an effort to control his silent crying.

“Not one bit,” You reply with effort, and it's surprising how such a simple phrase seems to take the breath from you. Blade nods, and you exhale resignedly, bits of the world blurring into one. They say death is peaceful, but the man looking at you tells you otherwise.

“Remember me,” You say finally, and the last fragmented vision of Blade’s face blurs into nothing. Your body scatters, fading to ashes of what remains:

You are the ghost of a memory– sometimes Blade will see your figure standing in the midst of a parting crowd– there are times when you are there and moments when you aren’t. As Blade gazes at his empty, bloody hands, he begins to wonder if you were merely a fleeting dream.

But there is nothing he can do to change about it. And so his piercing wail reaches the sky, the rumble of thunder in the rushing of gray clouds, the rain purging the very essence of what made up just a fraction of his life.

Never has Blade felt so insignificant, as he recalls the words you had whispered once before.

I’ve changed, he’d repeat. I’ve changed.

You are just the same, you had said. When one’s life changes, the soul remains as is. You are better now– better, but just the same.

Blade kneels in the dirt.

Just the very same, Blade thinks, but without you, I feel truly different.

#honkai star rail #blade honkai star rail #hsr blade #blade x reader #blade x you #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #gender neutral reader #xianzhou luofu #xianzhou luofu hsr #hsr fanfic #hsr #hsr x reader #hsr x you #jiayun's ugly writing

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greg-montgomery · 1 year

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Ivy - Part 6

gif by: @hotch-girl <3

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader (Sean Hotchner x Fem!Reader)

Series summary: Your relationship with your boyfriend, Sean, is going great. Well, that is until you meet his older brother, Aaron.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Warnings: this chapter is nsfw - 18+

Minors DNI

Chapter summary: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lmfaooo

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Relief was such a wonderful feeling.

You were smiling and breathing again; because he was.

“Wild horses, sir. Just...wild horses,” you heard Garcia say. You were so grateful for her. Seeing her hugging him and giving him a kiss on the forehead made your heart swell. Aaron deserved to be loved like this.

She turned around and her smile grew even bigger when she noticed you standing on the door. Your hand was soon in hers. “I’ll call everyone. Sean too,” she said. You had sent Sean home, knowing he was running on a few hours of sleep. “You go to him,” she added.

Penelope winked at you and you wondered if she knew. You didn’t mind.

“Two minutes. I left for two minutes,” you said, walking towards his bed.

“Sorry, I needed some peace and quiet waking up,” he replied.

“I knew you did it on purpose.”

His laugh was weak, but genuine.

You sat on the chair next to him, but pulled it closer so it was almost attached to his bed.

Aaron lifted his hand to touch your cheek with his fingertips. “What’s that?” he said softly. “Have you been crying?”

You placed your hand over his and kissed his palm. “Of course I have. I didn’t know if you’d be okay.”

“As if I’d ever leave you,” he whispered.

“It was so scary. I’ve never had anyone I lo-” you held yourself back and stumbled over your words. “Anyone close to me,” you corrected yourself, “In a hospital before.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart,” he said.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Aaron let out a heavy sigh and spoke again. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Could you do me a favor?”

“Anything in the world,” you smiled.

“Jack is coming. I hate that he has to see me like this again. Can you please stay? You’re a comforting presence to him and I think it would be good for him to see you here too.”

“Aaron, of course.” Of course.

You stood next to Jessica, watching the way Jack clung tightly to his dad. Their bond was special, and you supposed that Haley’s passing had only made it stronger.

When they broke their hug, Jack made himself comfortable next to Aaron, his short legs hanging off the side of the hospital bed.

“Aunt Jess,” he said and pointed at you. “This is Y/N. She’s my other aunt!” he added with pride.

“Oh, the famous Y/N. He talks about you a lot,” Jessica said and offered you a kind smile.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” you said, shaking her hand. “I wish it was under different circumstances.”

Leaving Aaron alone with Jessica to give them some privacy, you ended up with Jack on your lap. Your hand was playing with his blond hair as you were chatting with him.

He had many questions and you couldn’t blame him.

“Is daddy in pain?”

“Not anymore,” you said. “The doctors made him okay.”

“Then why is he still in the hospital?”

“It’s because the doctors have to make sure he stays okay.”

“But is he coming home soon?”

“Of course.” You left a sweet kiss on the top of his head to comfort him.

“Will you come with us?”

“I’m sorry, my angel, I can’t. I have to go home to uncle Sean.”

Jack pouted and rested his head on your chest. “I wish you were daddy’s girlfriend instead.”

Sean insisted on picking you up from the hospital himself.

You found him outside, leaning on his car and bringing a cigarette between his lips.

He was wearing a black leather jacket. And he looked good. He looked like a bad boy out of a movie.

It reminded you of your first date. That was exactly how he had been waiting for you outside of your house that night. Back then your heart was beating like crazy.

This time, your heart was just sad.

He took a drag of his cigarette as you approached him. “How is he?”

“He’s gonna be okay,” you said.

“Are you okay?” You couldn’t tell whether his tone was caring or passive aggressive. “Now that you saw him awake?” he added.

You weren’t sure what to reply.

“You were pretty upset.”

“I hate hospitals,” you simply said. It wasn’t convincing. He pretended that it was anyway.

You wanted nothing more than to be there for Aaron when he returned home; to take care of him, cook for him, hold him…

But after that short conversation with Sean, you felt like you were walking on eggshells around him. Especially when it came to his brother. You couldn’t risk sneaking out. Not that soon.

So you went back to the thing you and Aaron knew how to do best: phone calls.

The problem was they weren’t enough. They never were.

And now some time had passed and Aaron had already returned to work and you still hadn’t seen him.

“I was just now thinking of you,” you said, answering your phone.

“Hey,” Aaron said. Just one word from his mouth was enough for you to decide what kind of mood he was in.

“Tough case?” you asked.

“Yeah. Just needed to hear your voice.”

“I wish I was there to hold you,” you whispered. You didn’t hide your thoughts from him anymore.

“Come to me then,” he simply said.

“Aaron, don’t say things like that to me because I’ll do it,” you warned him.

“I want you to.”

There was a moment of silence and you had both made up your minds.

You hopped in the shower before wearing your prettiest underwear. Something inside you was telling you that you were gonna be doing more than just hold him.

Aaron opened the door and a second later you were in his arms, his lips pressed against yours.

“We’re alone,” he murmured against your mouth.

“Good,” you said and let him lift you up in his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He was strong again.

“I’m not hurting you, am I?” you asked him as he led you to his bedroom. It was more teasing than concern. You knew he was okay, he reassured you about it every single day.

“Don’t worry,” he said and softly laid you down on his bed. He crawled on top of you and looked into your eyes with a smirk. “I’m healed. And I can finally fuck my baby the way she deserves.”

His lips were finally on yours again and you pulled him close to your body using both your hands and legs.

“Need you…” you whined.

“I’ll give you everything,” he said. “Everything.”

You helped him out of his clothes and he did the same until you were both in your underwear.

He kneeled between your legs, looking at you, staring and admiring. You had never felt prettier than you felt that moment under his gaze.

“I bought them for you,” you said, running your hands over your chest and down to your panties.

He smiled.

“He’s never seen them.” You didn’t need to say his name for him to understand you were referring to Sean.

He leaned in and kissed your lips. “Good girl,” he said and your tummy felt funny.

Aaron started pressing kisses against your cheek and then your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, your stomach…until his face was between your legs.

“Are you wet?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He mouthed you over the fabric of your lingerie. “You were just as desperate the first time I touched you,” he said. He lifted his gaze to look at you, removing his mouth from you for a moment.

You held back a whine at the loss of contact, as if it would cover up the desperation he had just mentioned.

“Can I take them off, baby?” he asked sweetly.

You nodded your head and he grabbed the sides of your panties, pulling them down.

Aaron was taking his sweet time and the anticipation was killing you.

“Aaron…” you said with urgency.

He wrapped an arm around your thigh and brought it over his shoulder. “A bit impatient, aren’t we?”

He left a few kisses on the inside of your thigh. You thought that he was trying to drive you crazy – and even though he was doing just that– you soon realized that he was simply trying to savor every moment of your first time.

The feeling of his tongue on you made you arch your back and shut your eyes. Your hands went immediately to his hair, tugging at it at every wave of pleasure that went through your body.

Aaron’s hands were gripping your thighs, and you would be worried about your skin bruising if you weren’t feeling so damn good.

You opened your eyes to look at him. Seeing his black hair between your legs reminded you of your first fantasy about him.

“Fuck…” you moaned at the feeling of him sucking on your clit. “Mm Aaron…”

His hands went to your bra, cupping your tits; your nipples hardening under his touch.

“Take it off,” he ordered and you did without wasting a second. His hands grabbed them again.

Aaron moaned with you - his voice muffled since his mouth was occupied – and that was exactly what you needed to finally let go and cum against his tongue.

He gave a last long lick to your pussy that ended at the beginning of your stomach and then he kissed his way up to your neck. “You’re perfect.”

You cupped his face and made him look at you. “I want you finally inside me.”

His lips were shiny and it was all because of you. You couldn’t resist tracing his lips and then slipping your thumb into his mouth. Aaron sucked on it and then took it out of his mouth, kissing the pad of your finger.

“I want you so bad,” you admitted. “I’ve never wanted anyone like that before.”

“Me neither.”

Soon he was out of his boxers and with a condom in his hands that he had just grabbed from his nightstand.

You stared at him as he put it on. You wanted to see him, observe him, memorize him. You could finally see all of him. That was all you ever wanted, to see and know all of him; know the man that was so closed off and serious, in ways everyone else didn’t. You weren’t the first woman to see him naked but maybe…maybe, you hoped, it was different with you.

He towered over you and lowered himself to kiss you. You wrapped your hands around his neck, deepening the kiss. You could feel his cock pressing on you and it made you even more impatient so you used the heels of your feet to push him closer to you.

“Now, Aaron,” you said.

He pressed a soft kiss against your forehead and suddenly he was inside you.

You were moving slowly at first, his hand was wrapped around your neck but not with the intention of chocking you but more to keep your face in place so he could keep staring into your eyes.

You never knew you could love eye contact that much.

Aaron then grabbed your hands and pulled them over your head so he could intertwine your fingers. You kept looking at him even though he wasn’t forcing you to anymore. Pleasure looked good on him.

“Go faster. Please,” you said breathless and you didn’t need to ask twice.

“Fuck, it’s so good, baby,” he sighed. “It’s so good, it’s perfect.”

He wasn’t going to last long, it was obvious, but you didn’t mind. You were close too.

“I wish I didn’t have to wear a condom,” he said, his hands now on your hips, pushing you harshly against him. “I wish I could fill your pretty pussy with my cum and make you mine.”

“I’m already yours,” you moaned. “Yours.”

You wrapped your arms around him as he came, wanting to feel as close to him as possible. Your own orgasm followed right after his.

He collapsed next to you and you both turned your heads to the side so you could look at each other.

“Shit,” you said with a weak breath and the two of you started laughing.

He kissed the tip of your nose and threw the condom away as you made your way to the bathroom.

When you came back he was waiting for you with a glass of cold water.

“My prince,” you joked, taking it from his hands and bringing it to your lips. It was exactly what you needed.

Aaron lied down and stretched out his arm, signaling you to join him in bed. You, of course, wanted nothing more than to cuddle with him so you were in his arms in no time.

You buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. “This isn’t enough, I need to crawl inside you,” you said making him giggle.

“Y/N?” he said, playing with your hair.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You said it with no hesitation. After almost losing him it was clear to you who your heart belonged to.

“I’m gonna leave him,” you said after a few moments of silence. He didn’t reply so you continued. “I made the decision the moment your lips touched mine for the first time. I was gonna do it the next day I swear.”

He used his finger to tilt your chin up so he could look into your eyes.

“But then he started talking,” you said. “He said all these things about finally being happy. About how grateful he is to have me. And I couldn’t do it, Aaron. I couldn’t. And I hate myself for it, because what I’m doing to him now is much worse.”

“Hey…” he whispered and moved his thumb back and forth against your cheek. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t. But his voice was so soft and sweet that you believed him. Even if it wasn’t okay, it would be, as long as you had him by your side.

“I’m never gonna leave you alone,” he said as if he had read your thoughts. “We’re gonna figure everything out together. I promise.”

“Why didn’t I meet you first?” you whined, hiding your face on his chest.

“I wish I had a time machine,” he said. “I would walk into that bar the night you met him and I would tell you ‘Hello, I’m Aaron. You don’t know me but I’m saving us from a lot of trouble right now.’ Then I’d pick you up, throw you over my shoulder and steal you away.”

You giggled. “What’s concerning is that I’d show no resistance ‘cause I’d think you’re so handsome.”

He laughed loudly and pulled you so close to him you were on top of his body.

“Is that right?” he smirked.

“Mhm…” you nodded and kissed his lips with a lovesick smile. He kissed you back with the same smile on his face.

Part 7

ivy tag list:

@preciousbabypeter @buckysmainhxe @galaxyofmyown @ssamorganhotchner @romanogersendgame @elhotchner @louderfortheback @northschild @iammirrorball @rousethemouse @kishie8 @save-the-sky @ssacharcoalgrey @realdirectionx @itsmytimetoodream @art-and-thoughts @red-red-rogue @dellalyra @feetgypsy @stella95827 @katieslotherford @jazzymariexoxoc @quietlyignoringyou @justarandommom @sebastiansstanswhore @lelifesaver @aaron-hotchners-girlfriend @whyamihere96 @dadcomfort @redbleedingrosesss @222brooke

#aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #sean hotchner x reader #nsfw.#ivy #hotch 🪐

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kankuroplease · 5 days

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can you make a Hc for Elke or Leonie please 🐾🖌🎨?but you don't have to, I mean, do you enjoy doing Hcs, doing Hcs and drawing it's because we like doing it it's a little pleasure. I don't want it to be boring work for you so you don't have to do an Hc 😊🖤

OC headcons aren’t boring to me, but they’re a lot of work. It’s why I skip some request for them 😆 but I’ll do short versions for both Leonie and Elke

Leonie

She’s the eldest of the triplets

She was also the worst of their children in temperament as she would have tantrums over every little thing

Which, thankfully, she grew out of with time

Instead preferring to paint the side of their home, herself, and brothers with mud

She has piebaldism like father, grandmother, and two brothers

Even though she’s not alone in having it, she’s extremely self conscious about it as it’s not just her forelock or one one two patches. It’s all over her body

Which led to some mean comments from other kids

her sense of smell wasn’t heightened at all, so she felt less than her siblings and would cry to her mother about it

Despite feeling left out, her triplet Mika always made sure she was involved

It’s why he became her first muse when she got more seriously into art (he’s so nice compared to their triplet, Sena)

She did not want a ninken, but her parents insisted having one would make her feel more included with the Inuzuka

The compromised and ended up getting her one that’s a bit more self sufficient and also very small (a requirement of hers)

her father noticed she really enjoyed art and he made it his mission to get her an easel and materials to create with. Mika just made it easier to create

Her and Sena always argued. Not because of how he treated her, but because he was mean towards Mika

Asahi did a good job scaring off her bullies for her, but he also told her to use her fist. Their parents are shinobi, don’t let this peaceful little life fool her into thinking she can’t throttle these kids

Kuri tried to dress her up pretty but Leonie wasn’t a fan of frills and bows. She eventually stopped trying let Leonie be the wild child she was

Frederick made the best braids and she always asked (demanded) him to do hers and dance with her

She use to ask Sena why he hated everyone so much, but eventually came to accept that he didn’t hate them. He just wanted something different than what he had.

Her and Elke were always close. She would paint to Elke’s singing and when they were older, Elke did try to introduce her to some guys too

Arashi always knew how to make her smile and laugh. If there is one sibling she was sad to have move out, it was him

By the time she reach young adulthood, she didn’t care what people thought about her and she was gain some notoriety for portraits

With some affluent customers commissioning her (thank you, Elke)

Unlike her sisters, she didn’t have some super pheromones or some Prince Charming willing to sweep her off her feet

She had a love of oddities and a new muse she found to keep her mind busy

Nothing like getting chased by some men through the woods and some blur of a humanoid creature ripping them to shreds

She blacked out and when she woke up she was closer to edge near her town

those blacked out, yet glowing, eyes really stuck with her on her walk back home

She’s not exactly sure what she saw, but her paintings of it worry her parents and she’s heard them murmuring about if it was one of “them”

They even assigned her one of her father’s ninken as a bodyguard

So she got the feeling that creature wasn’t all in her head

And decided to bring her sketches to ask her grandmother about it

Who immediately told her to stay out of the woods because that creature is most likely from a very specific clan, and much too dangerous to risk running into again

She was unsure of how or why this person was somehow here too, but if it is, then everyone should be on high alert

She also gave Leonie a good thump between the eyes as she could see her excitement building

This person was a berserker who’s unpredictable nature was too risky to be around

Much to her grandmother’s dismay, Leonie had washed the set of clothes she could have used to track this person because they were covered in dirt

Even with a sweep of the woods with the Inuzuka’s best and their ninken, nothing came of it

Just dried blood where those men who were chasing her had been slain

Elke

She was the last girl Wolfgang and Ringo had

Their little full moon festival baby (it’s said to be a lucky time to be born)

Such a sweet and happy baby that blended into the family well

She was a quick learner in ninjutsu, polite, and had an angelic little voice she used to sing her favorite songs from a young age. So they really felt lucky!

Ebba told them that full moon births are said to be unfortunate as well, so they better watch Elke

Wolfgang didn’t believe in old wives tales and reassured Ringo their daughter would be fine

And she was! She made lots of friends and found her own ninken

Learned how to play the lute, harp, Kalimba, and Guzheng by age 12. She was truly a musical genius and was getting lots of fame for it

Then, it all got out of hand the spring of her first blood

All of a sudden Elke was extremely popular with members of a genders, as if they were under a spell

Wolfgang was getting tired of his door constantly being knocked and was even more worried at the looks his daughter was getting

He almost had a fight with a young woman over her not letting go of Elke’s hand while promising her the world if she would just be his wife

Turns out she was some duchess and really could, but that’s not the point!

Many letters professing love and poetry that could make a grown woman blush kept pouring in after every performance

Gifts that were to luxurious to expect, flowers, confections, etc.. you name it, Elke was receiving it

Elke decided to not leave the house with a family escort out of fear from this new found attention

It was at point they learned from some elders that Elke’s pheromones were very strong to say the least and appealing in a way that was extremely rare

She basically was emitting them at such a high level, that even non Inuzuka were being effected by it

Ebba and the elders began working on a perfume to help mask her scent and get her back to a level of normalcy with her interactions with other people

It was simi effective; enough to stop the overwhelming reaction

Elke was able to go back to being a performer. Traveling only a little bit with her ninken

choosing to live at home with Leonie and their parents

It took a few more years to figure some things out

But what was once an issue, she quickly learned how to utilize it in her favor. Less perfume, higher pay. More perfume and she can walk around like normal Inuzuka

It was fun to see how she affected others when it came to monetary gain, but with romance, she wanted to be loved for who she was not something as ridiculous as her pheromones

And she was able to find her true loves; two men and a man. The other pieces of her heart

It was tricky to navigate their dynamic as she didn’t have a polyam example (because her dad forbid her grandmother from talking about her romantic relationships) to go off of

one is strictly only attracted to her, another is her sweet cuddly asexual partner, and the other has social anxiety but has been her best friend and duet partner for years

She didn’t want to ruin a good thing being reckless

And what would her parents and siblings think?

But her grandmother told her as long as she communicates with them and make sure to respect their needs and boundaries, then things will work out if they’re meant to be

And she was right, like usual

She talked to her parents and their only concern was if Elke felt genuinely happy, loved ,and safe with her partners. If so, they were more than happy for her

Asahi said he was in no posture to judge others with his housemate situation

Kuri almost choked. She was shocked, but she knew all of them and they all were good people, so she can’t complain too much 😭

Frederick was just impressed. He can’t get one to stay, but she got three. Go baby, sis

Leonie felt very similar to Frederick, but added that she didn’t need to worry. They all support them

Mika was excited for her!

Sena was missing during this period (once again)

Arashi fully supports Elke! Especially because one of her girlfriends is an old sail mate of his

#ask #kpz naruto founder au #Wolfgang x ringo #tw mentions of death #tw violence #my art #knfau 🖼️

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daenysx · 1 year

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Hi friend ! 😘 I love your works so much and if you have requests open I have an idea:

Fem reader is out doing errands or something and some stranger is really creepy towards her and she is very scared and when she gets home tells aemond and he makes her feel safe and secure and lots of fluff and reassurance and soft aemond

If it’s triggering or you’re not into I totally understand- I just love the way you write and portray characters 🥰 Much love to you always ! Looking forward to your new works 😍

thank you for your sweet words and this request, i hope you like this!! i tried to write the fluffy part as the main plot because i'm in love with soft!aemond.

this is probably the fluffiest fluff i've ever written. <3 please read the request first, it can include triggering content.

requests are open!!

my masterlist

the one you call

modern!aemond is there for you when you feel uncomfortable because of a stranger.

you feel your hands shaking with anger and discomfort as you walk through the door to the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, aemond targaryen. maybe it would be better to call him and ask him to pick you up, but you cannot bring yourself to care right now.

you have always been the kind of person who takes care of herself. calling or asking for help are never your first options, it's who you are. sometimes you get angry at yourself for being so stubborn though, just like today.

you will not cry. you don't want to cry.

you unlock the door with your key, only to find aemond sleeping on the couch. he doesn't wake up to the sound of opening door and the moment you see him sleeping, you decide to not wake him up. your boyfriend needs to rest after a busy day at his family's company.

you silently change your clothes, wash your face with cold water, and prepare yourself a cup of coffee. you try to calm down when you do these most natural things but still the feeling of discomfort is there.

you take your cup and sit next to the couch your boyfriend's sleeping. he has to be tired if he still doesn't wake up. you watch his face like you don't have the image of him memorized in your mind.

his hair falls to the pillow like a platinum blonde perfection. his eyepatch is thrown away, his breathing is steady. he softly mumbles a few unconcious words, his lips look kissable and exquisite as he whispers to his dreams.

you drink your coffee slowly, try to relax and be calm. it's okay now. nothing can hurt you when aemond is with you. besides the confidence of being able to take care of yourself, having your strong man with you feels more secure and safe, always.

he slowly blinks and the first thing he sees is you. the image of you sitting there, wearing one of his shirts and drinking coffee from his favorite cup makes him smile.

you smile too, when you see him awake. it feels like a broken smile though, not like your usual ones which makes the room shiny in his eye. sleep leaves him as he sits on the couch and opens his arms for you.

"why didn't you wake me up, pretty girl?"

you settle in his arms comfortably, searching peace in his hold. you bury your nose to his neck to find the smell of his hair which always make you aware of his presence.

"you needed to rest, love."

he smiles and leans into your face. he gives you messy kisses filled with love and adoration. being in his arms feels safe like the world out there cannot touch you when he is here. you wish you can feel the same things when you are alone.

he feels your hands on his neck shaking and your breath becomes unsteady.

"what is it, baby? why are you sad?"

your tears fall and you can't help it. keeping them from falling has hurt you and you can't resist when you are in his arms.

"it-it's not a big deal but- a man-"

aemond loosens his hold and his hands cup your cheeks.

"shh, don't panic baby. we have time okay? take a moment and tell me afterwards, come on."

this is the last step for your tears. you wrap your arms around his neck and let them fall. he holds you like a baby, his fingers are on your hair. this is a safe space for you. you can cry, you can smile, anything you'd want and he would accept it.

he would give you anything you want.

it takes a few minutes for you to talk again. you look at his eyes, they are covered in worry and adoration.

"there was a guy in the street and i was just walking and i don't even know what happened, you know? he was weird and it made me nervous."

it's hard to tell how he feels.

"nothing happened but i hate when people like him just coming closer and saying shitty things just because they think it's somehow their right, it's-it's so-"

he understands what you mean and for a second he cannot stop himself from being angry. he is angry at the guy, he could punch him without taking a breath for feeling a girl -his girl- like this.

he is angry that he wasn't there to comfort you, to let you think you should take care of everything by yourself. he should make you know that no matter what happens, no matter who is hurting you, he will be there for you. he will always make you feel safe just like you make him feel that way.

he knows that you know he understands you, that you will not continue talking about the guy.

"you know i love you, right? i love you too goddamn much, i should try and think the right words to express it. you are perfect and no one can do that to you. no one can do that to anyone."

you listen to him, your perfect man. his eye focuses on your expressions as he speaks, determined to make you believe how much you are loved by him.

"i know you can take care of everything. you are my strong girl, of course you can do anything but when you feel like you can't do it anymore, i'd like to be the one you call. you know that, right? my sweet girl."

you nod, leaning into him and kissing his cheek. it will take time for you to stop feeling the discomfort but still you feel much better now that he knows. he knows and he understands, he will be here.

"now, i want coffee and i think you'd like a second cup. choose one of that sitcoms you love and wait for me under the blanket. please, sweetheart."

you smile, handing him your empty cup. he goes to the kitchen, you go under the blanket. you wait for him eagerly for minutes.

he joins you and holds you closer when you smile at the show. he kisses your hair, lets you play with his rings, and hands you your coffee cup whenever you want.

you spend the entire evening wrapped around him until you fall asleep, your face buried to his neck. it feels safe, secure, and lovely.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x you #aemond x reader #modern!aemond #house of the dragon #aemond × reader #hotd #aemond one eye #aemond fluff #soft!aemond

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thequietkid-moonie · 1 year

Note

Thank you so much! When you have time, can you do the same with the boys? But please don't overwork yourself. Finish the requests you already have first.

Helping S/O with their mental health problems

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Nagisa, Itona, Isogai, Gakushu ]

[ Assassination Classroom / Ansatsu Kyoshitsu ]

⚠️ Mention of differents mental health problems

You caring about me makes me feel so special, thank you so much!! 😭❤️ I hope this makes you feel well too

Nagisa Shiota

Nagisa is used to deal with this kind of problems, the fact that he had made peace with being so weak and girly or even with the idea of being just a second chance for his mother doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him

Also, Nagisa is a really caring person and pretty observant too so he will inmediatly notice when you are being troubled with something or sad, still he doesn't want to pry or being invasive so he will just wait until you feel ready to talk about it (or until you manage to solve the problem if you prefer)

When he notice that the problem seems to persist he start to give you some hints about how he is worried for you or that you can count on him whenever you need it, he is open to heard you anytime you need, but still won't bring up the topic himself until he notice that things had just get worst

If you are the one who approach to him to talk he will just accept and let you vent, not interrupting you unless you ask him something, and neither go too far unless you feel comfortable to talk more about it. In the case that he was the one who ended up asking you he will pry a little more, asking you for more details about what is bothering you (just because he had waited until it gets too serious)

No matter what is troubleling you he won't judge you for it, not matter if is something simple or a big problem, he isn't going to make a big deal of something small though, he just doesn't want to downplay something that is obviously bothering you

He is willing to heard you vent anytime you need it and he makes sure that you know it, it doesn't matter if you tent to get aggresive with your words or even if you end up crying he wants to help you, and if just being there to comfort you is the only thing he can do for you he will gladly do it

Although, If you are suffering for an bad self-esteem, dysphoria or you have a bad image of yourself he can understand you really well, he may don't be the best person to help you with it but he will at least try to, mainly telling you all the good things he sees on you, trying to refute the bad ideas you have about yourself and even help you find things that will make you feel better

If is because you are being too stressed or anxious he will offer you to take some time to relax, maybe going on a date to wherever you want to distract you, and he will give you some tips of things that could help you handle the stress that helped him, or even try other things about it with you if you want

He doesn't have problem with asking Koro-sensei for advice of how to help you, but he does it until he runs out of ideas or the problem is something he knows you can't handle alone

Itona Horibe

Itona is someone who have troubles to handle his own emotions, after the incident with his father's company it was because he felt helpless and frustrated that he get involved with the whole problem with the tentacles and that intensified his feelings and don't let him handle them properly

After joining the group and becoming your partner he tries to learn more about his own feelings and how to handle them in a healthy way, so when he tries to help you with this kind of problem it will be a learning experience for the both of you

Itona may doesn't notice when you are being troubled if you try to hide it, and he doesn't want to pry either, but after some time he will wonder if everything is alright (even when you say that it is), however if you don't hide it he will inmediatly notice it

Itona isn't really good with words and he normally just speaks his mind off, not really thinking if he's being mean or rude, so when he notice that you aren't feeling well he will ask you right away about it, and if you try to deny it he will say that is obvious that you aren't feeling well so please just tell him

He won't leave you alone until you finally tell him whats wrong, he isn't trying to be invasive but he worries about you and he doesn't really know what else to do. He will hear all you have to say you don't have to hold back yourself for being embarrassed or for being too aggresive with your words, when he used to had the tentacles his mind was a complete mess and he isn't easy to surprise so don't worry for him, also he will try to not interrupt you until you directly ask him something or start to insult yourself

If you are having troubles with self-esteem and a bad image you have of yourself he will ask you what exactly you think of yourself and he will be giving you arguments of why you are wrong, how you aren't like that and telling how you are in reallity (he's giving you a lot of compliments without noticing it) or maybe how you actually are that way but it isn't really a bad thing, he is being so serious about it that it could be intimidating but he is trying his best to help you

If you are being too stressed or anxious lately he offers to help you with whatever he can, it could be by helping you with school or even building something to assist you if you need it, he won't mind doing just simple tasks you just have to ask (is one of his ways to show you how he really cares about you)

He is willing to go to his friends and teachers for some advices of how to help you feel better or make your life at least a little more easy (even when he thinks that his friends' advices are dumb)

Yuma Isogai

Isogai is a really caring and responsible person, he is already used to take care of his siblings so he is always looking after your well-being (he actually likes to do it), is just like a custom for him

Isogai is pretty selfless so already does things for you, things that are within his capabilities and he is always up to help you whenever you need it, he is pretty busy with being the class representative, his work and with having to take care of his siblings but he always manage to make time to be with you

The moment he notice that you seem troubled with something he start to get worried about you, he inmediatly tries find the right moment to ask you about it, but if you respond that is nothing or that you prefer to don't talk about it in that moment he will respect your decision and let you be, but not before reasuring you that you can always count with him

If he sees that it pass some time and you still are stressed and yet you don't say anything he will directly confront you about it, making clear that he is doing it because he is reall worried about you but he can't do anything if you don't tell him whats wrong

Either way he will like to know what exactly is bothering you but he wait for the right moment, when the two of you can just sit down and talk about whatever is bothering you, he wants to put all his attention on you

It doesn't matter what is the problem you are struguling with he isn't going to judge you for it neither minimize it, he takes it rather serious. He will offer you help or suggest a solution to the problem but if you prefer to just vent without advices he will try to just heard you (is a little hard since he can't help but worry about you)

If you suffer for bad self-esteem, dysphoria or even you have a bad image of yourself he will be a little surprised because he sees you as someone amazing and beautiful/handsome, he wants to hear what you think of yourself and try to make you see how beautiful you are in his eyes, and if you want he can help you with your dressing and style

If you are stressed or anxious he can perfectly understand you, he is always busy and have to look after his siblings so he had need to learn how to handle all that stress and he gladly teach you what it helps him and help you find what is best for you. Also, Isogai is rather optimist so he become your personal cheerleader

He has no problem with asking for help to other or stand up for you if you need it, even if he had to talk for you from time to time he doesn't see any problem with doing it

Gakushu Asano

Gakushu is so used to demand so much from himself since all his life had been like a war with his father where he can never really show any kind of weakness, that had lead him to don't know how to handle things outside of his perfeccionism

Starting a relationship help him start to let aside that perfeccionism since he wont like to do what his father had done to him to someone he cares so much about, and the defeats he has had against class 3-E makes him lose up the need to always be the best and win (except against to his father)

This will be a learning process for him, but since he learn pretty fast it won't take him too much time to get it. It doesn't seem like it, but he cares for you, he loves you so he wants the best for you. He is pretty smart and observant so he notices inmediatly when you aren't feeling good, even if you try to hide it

He ask you right away what is on your mind or what is bothering you, he say it so casualy that it seem like he just do it to be polite, but he is paying close attention to you, if you say that is nothing or that you prefer to don't talk about it he will let you alone for now, the education system of Kunugigaoka high school is pretty stressing so it could be just that

But the more days pass the more worried he gets about you, still seeing you down without being able to help you makes him frustrated, so if you don't go to him to tell him what happen he will go to you to you to ask you, the more frustrated he is the more pushy he will be, he isn't trying to be rude but he doesn't really know other ways to do it (he will apologize for being rude though)

If you suffer for a bad self-esteem or have a bad image of yourself he will ask you what exactly you think of yourself before call you idiot for thinking such things of you, he knows you aren't that way and he will makes you see how amazing in reality you are, even listing all your qualities and virtues, he can go as far as show you evidence if you refuce to believe what he is saying

If is for stress or anxiety he want to know what exactly is bothering you to help you, specially if is the school (he may doesn't say it out loud but it bother him that this school system is affecting you so much), whatever you are struguling with he is willing to help you, study, homework, responsabilities, simple tasks, whatever you just have to ask (but don't go and brag about it with someone or else he will get really mad)

He isn't going to ask for help to someone else unless he run out of options, he is perfectly capable of handling it alone (and he is prideful, he want to be able to help you alone)

#assassination classroom #assassination classroom x reader #ansatsu kyoushitsu #ansatsu kyoushitsu x reader #nagisa shiota #nagisa shiota x reader #nagisa x reader #itona horibe #itona horibe x reader #itona x reader #yuuma isogai #yuma isogai #isogai x reader #asano gakushuu #gakushuu x reader #asano x reader

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realfunfan · 1 year

Text

A small piece of a bigger project I'm working on. Basically how my OC would save her brother. Heavy spoilers

Neteyam Lives

My brain almost couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. Neteyam, my big brother, was bleeding out in my lap. His hand clutched mine, feeling clammy. I couldn't tell if it was from the water or his wound. His breath was fast and shallow. I could hear his lungs shuttering. His heart was slowing. Under all the voices of my family, the racing of my own heart, and the crashing of the waves, that’s all I could hear—his heart. Neteyam’s heart is a sound that always brought peace to my life. The Sky People are taking that away from me right now. His grip keeps slipping. He’s gasping. Look at me, Nateyam. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok. A hand rested on my shoulder. Whipping around, Tsireya had a sad look in her eyes. They wear filled with tears. I could feel my eyes start to burn. No. No, he can’t. He’s not going to die!

“Dad… I wanna go home!” Neteyam’s face pinched in pain. My breath shuddered, trying to keep my sobs down. This feeling of rocks in my chest was too much. Dad soothed Neteyam as best he could. His hands shook, too. I tapped his arm. Please, Dad. Do something! We locked eyes and he shook his head.

“I can’t, baby.” I heaved a sob, my throat going raw. An Ikran's cry sounded from above, but I couldn’t look up.

“No!” Mom was here. I watched her collapse near me, hands finding mine and Neteyam’s. "No, no, ,no, no…" Mom kept repeating. Her hands pressed tightly to his wound and he cried. Neteyam. His heart was slowing even more. Why do these people keep hurting us? All this pain because the Sky People killed their land and want ours? They can have it! Take it all! Just leave my family alone. My brother doesn’t deserve this.

"Mo, Mo'teya. Y- You can help him!" Lo'ak reached over and grabbed my four arms. His eyes had a wild look, scared, sad, and hopefully all at once. Everyone looked at us. "You did it in the forest once, we watched you! You saved the syaksyuk without even trying!" The syaksyuk? That was years ago. I haven't been forced to do such a thing in so long. "My daughter, what is he saying?" Mom gasped at me. Could I? It didn't always work. In the lab, many Na'vi died because I failed to revive them. What would my parents say when they realize I can pull someone from Eway's arms? There is no plant to connect to from this rock, no connection to Eywa. I can't- "N-N-No, Mo. Don't," Neteyam croaked. His breathing was beginning to grow shallow and rapid. Only Neteyam knew how harshly reviving a whole person affected me. Only my brother would tell me not to save him. Fuck everyone else. I'm doing this. I don't care if my family ends up abandoning me. I'm doing this. I reached over and pulled Lo'ak's knife from him. Lo'ak reached out and pulled Mom away.

"What are you doing, Mo'teya? What are you doing?" Mom refused to let go of Neteyam's hand. I ignored her, crawling on top of my brother. His chest was drenched in blood, the smell mixing with the water. The water. "Mo, get off! Mo?" Dad tried to pull on my shoulders. "M-Mo, no," Neteyam begged. His hand covered mine, still pressed into his wound. I pulled away from Neteyam and Dad. They needed to shut up and let me concentrate. Taking a big breath, I sliced deep into my palm with Lo'ak's blade. Everyone yelled out while I hissed. This hurt. Fuck, I don't remember this hurting so bad. Blood ran down my hand and onto Neteyam's chest. At the same time, I could feel my chest tightening and my head growing full. So my body remembers. Good. "Shit, Mo," Lo'ak kept my mother from pulling me to her. She choked on her breath, eyes wide. "Lo'ak! Release me!"

I dropped Lo'ak's knife and brought my other hand to my mouth. This was going to hurt more. The shock is wearing off from my left hand. I breathed deep, letting air expand my body, before biting down on my palm. Shit, shit, shit. Yep. This hurt more. So much more. I let go and sniffed. Tears welled up in my eyes again. Please, Eway, let this work. Let me pull another from you. Let me keep my brother. I watched as Neteyam's breath slowed. His chest shook, struggling to fill with air. We held eye contact. His soft eyes pleaded with me. I couldn't figure out whether it was to save him or let him go. I smiled, trying to calm him. All I could do was wait till his heart stopped and he entered Eway's land. Then, his heart thumped for the last time. His eyes held mine as Neteyam himself faded away, leaving empty pits of yellow. Someone, probably Mom, screamed behind me. Now, it's time.

I dug my palm into Neteyam's wound, my blood mixing with his. I reached over and put my hand in the water. Water is a giver and taker of life. Water itself could be used as a direct connection to Eway, like a tree or an animal. This would be my entry point. Get into the connection and cut off the transfer of energy. My family tried to call my attention to them, but Lo'ak and Tsireya kept them away. I ignored all of them, closing my eyes. I needed to clear my head. Calm. Be calm. Breath. In. Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out. Now count.

One. A bright light flashed behind my eyelids. I could hear voices, so many it was overwhelming. Some called out my name. Some laughed and cheered, and some gasped and sobbed. My hands tingled and burned, half from the power surging in my body, half from the nerves screaming in pain. I couldn't see anything, yet. This was the easy part, just getting in there. I need to find Neteyam before he moves too far out of my reach.

Two. The bright light faded into the forest, and the familiar smell made me want to cry. Bugs buzzed in my ears, animals made their calls. Water was running not far to my left. I walked towards it, hearing Neteyam cheer. Brushing a leaf out of my way, I found my brother, laughing at the fish in the pond. He was smiling so brightly, full of nothing but joy. It was startling to see, compared to the pained and scared look I had just witnessed. “Mo’teya? What are you doing here?” Neteyam had finally noticed me. His eyes blew wide and he seemed concerned. Did he not know what was going on? I reached out a hand, waiting for him to take it. He stared, puzzled. “What is it?” I just shook my head and bobbed my hand. He needed to take my hand so we can get out of here. “Mo, I don’t know what you want. You should go bac-” “Neteyam! Shut up and take my hand!” I couldn't with him right now. I watched Neteyam’s face pale and his mouth pop open. He had never heard my voice before. Funny the first words he hears from me is for him to shut up. “O-Okayyyy. Since when could you speak?” I ignored him and pulled him away from the water. His hand felt warm in mine like this was just a normal day at home. My palms still screamed and burned, so I was still connected to Neteyam. Lo’ak and Tsireya are doing a good job. “Whatever happens, don’t let go.”

Breath in. Breath out. Two.

My eyes slid shut again, after taking the forest in once more. "Mo, I don't like this. Let me find Dad, we gotta tell them you can talk!" I squeezed Neteyam's hand tight as the lights started to flash again. My heart raced and Neteyam's grip turned into hot lightning. I flinched but didn't let go. The forest sounds and smells disappeared slowly and were replaced with voices again. Slowly, I could hear waves crashing. Warm hands cover my shoulders, arms, and hands. Someone said my name over and over again, a whisper. The light slowly faded. Voices one by one disappeared.

One.

I slowly opened my eyes. Neteyam's bright yellow eyes stared back.

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#neteyam #Avatar #avatar: the way of water #Jake Sully #Netyiri #Lo'ak #original character #jake sully x daughter #sully family

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