Another entry in the saga of Soldier being a very smort boi.

Chapter Three

(Finally I’ve been able to update this fic! I got a little disheartened when the other chapters weren't getting much engagement and then my other pic, Unexpected, was getting attention so I focused on that a bit more but Im finally back with a new chapter if Starward! Hope it was worth the wait :) Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments!)

Also! If you get the chance visit https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co and sign their petitions and see other things you can do to help!

It had been a few months since your arrival at Luke’s training temple and you and Ben had already fallen into old habits.

His lightsaber skills had certain improved, you noted, but so had yours. You were constantly teasing him while sparring, trying to get him to break, but Ben was completely focused whenever fighting was happening. It’s like he slipped into a trance with the hum of his lightsaber driving him. You found it adorable, but it worried Luke. He said that he noticed him using Dark Side methods during his training, but it wasn’t as if all of those methods are truly bad, just different from Jedi techniques.

And there you were, back to defending him. But, Ben wasn’t alone in thinking that the Jedi had some major flaws. You think his mood would improve if he was allowed to express his emotions instead of keeping them bottled inside. That’s not to say you believe in the Sith’s way of using your emotions to fuel you and bring you power, but, there had to be some sort of healthy balance to these things. You wished Luke would teach you grey methods of using the Force, and not just the Light side that the old Jedi’s had preferred. After all, Darth Vader had started out as a Jedi and they allowed him to rise to power, so maybe their methods weren’t as perfect as Luke pretends they were. You just didn’t see what was wrong with a little Dark.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for the two of you, though. Ben still struggled with his feelings of self worth and it was sometimes hard for you to convince him that you truly cared or that his family cared. His insecurities caused him to lash out and seek to self isolate instead of reaching out to his friends like you and Tai. You knew he also held residual anger at the fact that you left all those years ago, not that he’d admit it. 

It’s not as if Luke did much to dissuade these insecurities, and you made sure to tell him as much, but you didn’t know if Luke truly knew how to help Ben. He didn’t understand him like you did and for the most part, that wasn’t his fault.

The side that you had the privilege of seeing, the joking, carefree side of him, was not something everyone got to see. It was easy to see him as a resentful and sad boy if he didn’t let you in.

Overtime, Ben stopped showing this side to Luke as much as he used to. You don’t know what changed but at some point after you left their relationship deteriorated and you didn’t know if it could be repaired. If it could, you certainly weren’t the one to do it. You made a note to ask Leia about it the next time you spoke to her.

You both had also kept the habit of bickering like an old married couple. You were constantly butting heads and it didn’t help that you both were relentlessly stubborn. In Ben’s defense, it’s hard not to be stubborn after being raised by the two most stubborn humans alive.

“There they go again,” another student groaned.

“Shut up, Bactar,” Ben snapped before turning back to you.

You scoffed. “You’re honestly telling me, that you think you could beat me, in my starfighter and you, in your dad’s old light freighter—that’s constantly needing repairs— in a race?” you asked in disbelief.

“That ‘old light freighter’,” Ben retorted, using air quotes, ”made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed at the phrase you’ve heard enough times to last a life time. You looked around at your audience in disbelief and Jannik shrugged. People had learned to not get involved in your petty disputes.

Ben leaned over to get back in your line of vision. “I’m not gonna say it’s not a piece of junk, because, it is, but I am saying that I am a good enough pilot to beat you any day, in any ship.”

You threw your head back in a loud, obnoxious laugh. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay, now I really know you’re messing with me,” you scoffed.

Ben came closer to you and you raised your head in defiance, but also because if you didn’t you would be staring at his chest. You know he uses his build to an advantage, thinking if he towers over you he has the upper hand, but you never gave him the satisfaction. Maybe this would work on his sparring opponents, but not you. And maybe you liked it a little too much when he was a little too close.

You looked up at the man before you through your lashes; you also knew your own strengths.

“So, what do ya say, Flyguy? You wanna test your theory?” you asked in a low voice.

You watched his adam’s apple bob nervously and you knew you were succeeding. You smirked up at him and his jaw shifted in irritation.

“Pick a time and place, Starward,” he replied cooly.

Your smirk grew and you opened your mouth to retort but you never got the chance. Luke’s force presence alerted you to the fact that other people do, in fact, exist and you had a whole audience watching your and Ben’s—well, whatever this was.

“Kriff, would you two get a room already?” Voe snipped and you instantly retreated from Ben, warmth flooding your cheeks.

“Language, Voe,” Luke said, finally arriving to the training grounds.

Students instantly straightened their backs and wiped the grins off their face at his arrival. Voe’s body crumpled at Luke’s sharp reprimand and you suspected her cheeks were also warm.

“Y/N, Ben, stop whatever ridiculous feud you have going on and get into a ready position,” Luke commanded and you both obeyed, along with the rest of the class.

Ben seemed...uncomfortable would be the only word you knew how to describe it. He kept shifting his legs in between forms and you caught him conspicuously moving things around under his belt. You knew boys had to move things around down there sometimes, but you’d never seen Ben quite this bothered.

Maybe you could press inside—

“Y/N, focus,” Luke snapped, bringing your attention back to the task at hand.

“Sorry, Master,” you apologized and resumed the stance that the other students were in.

It might’ve been your imagination, but you thought you felt Ben’s eyes boring holes into you, but you didn’t dare turn and check.

After training you went straight to your water bottle, relishing in how good it tasted. You weren’t ashamed to admit you might’ve moaned audibly. You couldn’t help it, water after training was like spice. You felt Ben’s presence brush against yours and you went to greet him, but he was already hustling towards the huts and didn’t stop, even when you called his name.

“What the brix?” The question was really to yourself, but that never stopped people from butting into your business before.

“Oh, he’s got it bad for you,” Jannik quipped, suddenly next to you.

“What are you on about now?” you asked, too exhausted from your workout to deal with whatever he was saying.

“Come on, I know you’re not that stupid.”

“Can you get on with whatever you’re trying to say or move along?” you asked, taking another needed sip of water.

“Come on, everyone knows he’s practically in love with you.”

Water shot out of your mouth and nose and you suddenly couldn’t draw a proper breathe in, having sucked water into your lungs. Jannik instantly patted your back and asked if you were all right.

“I-I’m f-fine,” you sputtered, eventually gaining the ability to breathe again.

“Did you seriously not know?” he asked, incredulous.

“There’s nothing to know,” you croaked, risking another sip of water. “We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends who get hot and bothered when you argue.”

“What?” It was your turn to sound incredulous.

“You didn’t notice how he was shifting around during training? You had to have.”

You grabbed Jannik’s arm, much to his loud objection, and dragged him away from any prying ears.

“Of course I noticed,” you hissed. “But, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Wow...you really are oblivious,” he said and you punched his shoulder, hard.

“Ow! Well, you are—Wait!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up as you raised your fist to land another blow.

“I’m sorry! Listen,” he said, waiting for your hand to lower. Reluctantly, you did lower it and then gestured for him to continue.

“Look, I’ve hid many a boners before—“

“Jannik!”

“Well, I have! And trust me, that’s exactly what Ben was doing out there.”

“He was not. Besides, even if he was how do you know that has anything to do with me?”

“Because I saw how he looked at you. And when you moaned into that water bottle,” Jannik gave a low whistle, “he booked it to the huts.”

That would explain why he bolted just after that—no. What were you saying? Maybe Ben had feelings for you when you were both young and naïve, but now? It just wasn’t a possibility. You’d shut down any hope for that before you’d left.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you deflected.

“Ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same thing,” he insisted and you scoffed.

“I don’t need to ask anyone else’s opinion about my friendship, but thanks for the tip,” you replied sardonically and placed a hand on his shoulder before turning away.

“Come on, Y/N!” he called after you.

“I’ll see you at dinner!” you called back.

You laughed off his comments on your way to your hut. He doesn’t know Ben like you did, so who was he to tell you what he felt—hell, you didn’t even know what he was feeling most of the time.

But he was right that Ben was acting strange, and you needed to figure out why. You’d ask him at dinner, you decided. Right now you were in desperate need of a shower.

Dinner finally came and you went to your and Ben’s usual spot with a full plate of food. After today’s training you were famished and you didn’t wait for Ben to arrive before chowing down on what tasted like the most delicious meal you’ve ever had in your life. It wasn’t until you were almost done with said meal that you noticed Ben still hadn’t shown up. You pushed yourself up in your seat and looked around the cafeteria, hoping to spot that bushy head of black hair, but you didn’t see him. You slumped in your chair and pouted. Ben has never missed a dinner with you.

When it was nearly time for dinner to be over, you’d given up hope that he was going to arrive and had planned to wrap something for him to go, but then you finally saw him come through the doorway, Luke at his side. Your shoulders sagged in relief that Ben was okay, but why was Luke holding him up? He has always emphasized the importance of showing up on time to meal times so this was very out of the ordinary.

“Hey,” you said as Ben finally came to sit at your normal spot, looking disgruntled. “What were you doing with Luke?”

Ben gave you an unhelpful shrug. “He needed to talk to me about something.”

“Well, what was it?”

“If he wanted you to know he would’ve told you, wouldn’t he have?” He snapped.

You recoiled at his retort and you felt as though you had been punched in the gut. Your first instinct was to press and see what the other man was feeling, but you quickly realized he had shut you out completely.

You pushed away from the table. “Fine, I’m sorry I waited up for you.”

Without waiting for a response, you made your way to the exit of the cafeteria, thrusting the doors open with the Force. Hot tears pricked at your eyes but you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry because of him. You needed the sanctuary of your hut for assurance that you wouldn’t be disturbed.

“That, half-witted, nerd herder,” you spat, flopping yourself down angrily on your bed.

You let the warm tears slip down your face now, frantically wiping them away as if it would stop them from coming. You wished that you wouldn’t cry so easily, that a boy snapping at you wouldn’t cause you to crumble.

But, Ben wasn’t just any boy was he?

You relentlessly tossed and turned that night, desperate for rest. You just wanted to sleep and not have Jannik’s words flying around in your head. His comments shouldn’t have bothered you as much as they did but the thought of Ben having feelings for you turned your stomach into knots and you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Ben’s words had also made residence in your head and you kept wondering what it was that had caused him to snap at you like that and what was it that Luke and him had been talking about.

Had you done something wrong?

The cover of your hut was suddenly thrust open and you instinctively reached for your lightsaber. You relaxed when you realized who it was.

“I can feel your anxiety from my hut,” Ben grumbled, making his way into your hut and coming over to the left side of your bed. He looked at you expectantly and you stared back at him blankly before he made a scoot-over gesture with his hands and you wordlessly complied, letting his large frame into the bed and under the covers with you.

“What are you doing?” you asked in a whisper and pulled the covers up higher to cover your body that was scantily clad in only your under garments.

“This is the only way either of us will get sleep. Unless you have a better idea?”

You were silent. You were inclined to agree with him, after all this had always worked when you were kids. But, after the way he treated you today? You weren’t going to just let him comfort you like nothing was wrong.

“I don’t want you here if you’re just going to be a dick.”

Ben stared at you without a response.

“Fine,” you retorted and started to push him out of the bed with the Force.

“I’m sorry,” he said almost so quiet that you missed it.

You stopped pushing. “What was that?”

Ben sighed. “I said, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“Are you going to tell me why you snapped at me?”

“I let my uncle get under my skin.”

“What did he say?”

Ben hesitated. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” he answered honestly.

“Well, that’s all you had to say,” you replied, shoving him softly. “I would’ve understood.”

“I know, I...I’m sorry,” he repeated and you knew he meant it.

You looked into his dark eyes in the pale light and communicated your forgiveness without even having to open your mouth.

“Are you going to tell me why you were acting strange after training?” 

You felt him tense beside you and he turned his gaze down. “What are you talking about?”

“Look, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s not like you to just bolt and not even say bye.”

“I just...” He cleared his throat awkwardly. You reached forward and grabbed his hand above the covers and his eyes flew up, surprised.

“I just want to be sure you’re okay, Ben,” you said earnestly. You didn’t want to press too much and make him retreat, but he needed to know that you were there for him.

He smiled that smile that fills your chest with warmth. “I promise, I’m okay. I was just in a rush to take a shower.”

You almost joked about the fact that Jannik thought he had a boner, but you thought better of it. After all, there's a good chance Jannik was right, just not about the part that the boner was because of you.

“What if Master Luke catches us?” you asked, back to the original topic.

“I’ll wake up just before sunrise and leave,” he answered simply.

You chuckled softly. “You haven’t changed at all have you?”

He raised a brow at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“As kids, you would always come lay with me if I couldn’t sleep.”

When you both were little and your thoughts got too loud for your head, you would sneak over to Han and Leia’s to find comfort in Ben’s bed. When his strength in the Force grew, he started to be able to sense when you were upset and he began coming to you when you needed him. His Force presence next to you always had a way of silencing the noise in your head.

On the other side, sometimes—a lot— Han and Leia would be fighting late into the night and Ben would sneak over to Luke’s hut to climb into bed with you. The first few times this happened, Han and Leia were worried Ben had run away, but then Luke would always come knocking on the door with little Ben hiding behind his legs.

If the voices in tiny Ben’s mind got too loud, either you would sense his turmoil and come to him or he would scurry over to you and vise versa. It was honestly a good system the two of you had and Han and Leia debated just making the guest room into your room, but Luke didn’t like the idea. He was over protective in that way, not that he could be blamed, given your past.

“Well, you obviously haven’t changed either if I’m still having to do this,” Ben teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Goodnight, Ben,” you said through a giggle and he smiled softly.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

When you woke up, Ben was gone, like he had said, but the other side of your bed still smelt like him. You took a whiff of the pillow he’d slept on and smiled.

He really hasn’t changed at all.

(Again I hope this was worth the wait!! Please let me know what you think and if you get the chance sign the petitions in the link I posted!)

Taglist: @lover1307 @bepo-is-sorry @snakelaufeyson @supervengerslock @shockwavee @kilo-wrench @ohhh-boo-tiful @serenityofbeingascintilla @ladyzirkonia @fandomshit6000 @i-am-lokii-of-asgard​​ @siren-queen03​ @dark-night-sky-99 @nickangel13​​ @girlyisthatweirdkid​ @edwardspaghedwardtozier​ @irreverent-dream​ @amberkay284​ @struggling-writer​

Power Trip | Part Twelve

Mob!AU Tom Holland x Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

Warnings: blood, gore, violence, and other gang-related themes, NSFW themes, swearing

Word Count: 2.5k

Let me know if the read more bar doesn’t work & let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

The first thing you noticed when you came to was the stinging that instantly turned into a sharp pain in your neck. You tried to move your hands to the spot but instantly realised that your wrists were bound together, the rope cutting into your skin. 

Your eyes blinked rapidly as they tried to fix your blurry vision, and when your sight cleared you noticed you were in what seemed to be a cargo storage room. A loud horn from outside made your head thump, and you could only assume that you were somewhere around ships. 

“What the fuck?” You mumbled. Your bare legs were covered with goosebumps, and you realised that whoever had taken you had covered you in a large, puffy jacket and a pair of thin pyjama shorts, since you went to bed in a towel. 

The nerves under the ropes in your wrists screamed at you with pain as you twisted them, trying to see if you could loosen their hold; it was too tight. 

Suddenly, the sound of what seemed to be high-heels clicking against the floor, caused your actions to halt as your eyes darted around the dimly lit area. A woman, no older than twenty strides into your view and you sucked in a sharp breath. 

Her hair was bleach blonde and thin, telling you that she constantly dyed the poor strands. The tight black dress hugged her petite body, as she reached for the chair that you hadn’t even realised was placed next to you.

Placing the chair down a few meters in front of you, you watched as she brushed off the dust and sat herself down; her piercing green eyes meeting yours. The bright red lipstick she was wearing was slightly smeared and a red mark was vibrant against her pale cheek.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you,” her perky voice finally broke the tense silence. “There’s a pretty high bounty on your head, you know?”

Not replying to her, she scooted the chair closer to you. 

“I’m not going to hurt you, I’ve been ordered not to.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you watched her hands nervously rub her knees. You could take her on. Your brain rattled with ways to divert her attention so you could make your move. Whoever had tied you up made the mistake of not bounding your legs. 

“How did you find me?” You settled on, causing her eyes to light up. 

“Oh! I’m not the one who found you,” she lightly laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I work for the Holland’s. My boyfriend brought you in.”

“The Holland’s? As in Tom?”

Your heart thumped against your chest as you tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Tom wouldn’t do something like this to you. Would he?

“No, Dominic Holland - Tom’s dad. I thi-”

“Stacey!”

Both you and the girl jumped as booming voice came from behind you. Your head snapped around to meet the face of two men. The one with dull red hair walked straight over to the girl, while the other made his way to you. 

“Grant, come get your girlfriend!”

The girl – Stacey – was pulled from her seat as she tried not to fall face first into the cement floor; tripping over her black stilettos. A greasy man, who was definitely in need of a bath jogged over to the girl, grabbing her forearm. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing talking to her?” The greasy guy ridiculed, getting way too close up in her face. Stacey’s whole body trembled and you could tell that he was an abusive piece of shit. 

“Why don’t you let her the fuck go?” You didn’t even realise that you had spoken up until everyone’s heads snapped to you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” 

Your eyes widened slightly when the greasy guy began to step towards you, relaxing slightly when the redhead placed a hand on his chest to stop him. That relief was cut short though when you were roughly pulled to your feet.

“Keep your mouth shut princess,” the guy hauling you up whispered; his British accent strong. “You’re only going to get yourself in more trouble.”

Yanking you over to the chair that Stacey was previously sat in, he pushed your shoulder until you fell backward onto the seat. 

“Where the fuck is your father?” Greasy guy angrily asked the two boys, shoving the red head who was slightly smaller than him away. Stacey quickly took a few steps backward.

“He’s coming. Probably informing Y/L/N that we have her.”

Your eyes, darted up at the boy standing next to you when he mentioned your last name. You wanted to ask what he was talking about, but no words came out. 

“Well he better be here soon, I didn’t go through all the trouble to get her for him not to show. Plus, Tom’s probably got his men searching for me already.”

“Our brother isn’t going to fucking find you,” the redhead spoke through gritted teeth. “Besides, you got your fucking money – you’re free to go.”

Our brother. Tom. Their brother was Tom?

Your thoughts swarmed your mind and you barely had time to register the sight in front of you. Greasy man tried to pull Stacey along with him, but she refused to go causing him to slap his hand across her cheek. Her soft cries met your ears and you would’ve lurched yourself at the asshole had the boy next to you not pushed you back into the seat.

“Grant, leave Stacey with us,” the boy holding you in place suggested, leaving no room for disagreement. Grant only gave Stacey one more shove which caused her to fall backward onto the floor.

The red head tugged Grant away by the back of his shirt, and they disappeared from your sight.

“Don’t fucking move,” the guy next to you bit out, quickly making his way over to Stacey who was a sobbing mess. You heard the boy mumble out something that sounded like an ‘I’m so sorry baby,’ as he cradled her in his arms. 

Realising that she wasn’t calming down, he gently lifted her up and began walking in the direction that the red head had gone, not before glancing at you one final time and threatening you.

“If you even move from that fucking seat, you’ll end up swimming with the fucking fishes.”

“What the do you mean she’s gone?!” 

Tom couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was currently in his bedroom changing out of his bloody suit when Harrison stormed in, cheeks flushed from running so fast.

“I mean she’s gone Tom! She wasn’t in her room so I searched all over the fucking compound for her but-”

“Have you told Trish?”

Harrison rapidly shook his head as he noticed his best friend’s eyes begin to once again burn with rage. “I went straight to Trish’s room but she wasn’t there either, I asked a few of the guys but they haven’t seen her all day.”

“Where the fuck is she?”

“Tom I-”

“Call her! Call your fucking girlfriend right now!” Tom cut Harrison off once again, tugging a loose grey shirt on. It was more comfortable than the suits he had to wear every day. 

Harrison’s hands fumbled with his phone as he tried to type his password. Tom was running his hands through his hair and tugging at the roots so hard he thought he was going to end up bald by the morning. 

“It’s ringing,” Harrison spoke up, putting the phone on speaker. The tone made Tom anxious and he frustratedly slammed his palm into the shelf next to him when Trish’s voicemail began to speak.

“Do you think they’re together?”

Tom ignored his friends questions and reached under his pillow to pull out the his very first gun. The very same gun his dad had trained him to use. He made sure the clip was loaded before tucking it into the waistband of his jeans.

“I was planning on getting a fucking drink and then some very much needed sleep after the events of today, but the universe won’t do me that favour will it?” 

Storming out of his room, Tom made his way to where his men and women were drinking and gambling in the speakeasy downstairs. Their attention immediately averted to Tom and Harrison as they made their way over to the small stage that was usually never used. 

“Today we were compromised, which I want to thank you for helping deal with,” Tom’s voice bellowed causing a bunch of whoops and cheers to start. “However, we’ve been compromised once again!”

The gangs excitement was quickly replaced with a rush of people standing and pulling out their guns, getting ready incase they were ambushed.

“You can put your weapons away – we’re not under attack, but I need you guys to tell me some shit. We were keeping a girl here who’s father was searching for her. A bunch of our rivals are coming after her, but it seems like some of our own have chosen the wrong side.”

Everyone began shouting their questions about what he means at Tom who quickly shut everyone up by raising his hands. “My father has been in contact with some of you. I don’t know who, but I do know that one of the people he spoke to just took her!”

Tom’s eyes scanned the room for anyone he deemed to look suspicious but he had trained his men not to show weakness so he couldn’t tell which of his people betrayed him.

“Who’s missing from the group?” Everyone’s heads looked around the room before a bald guy rose from his seat and spoke up.

“Grant went missing a couple of hours ago, said he was bored of the party and wanted to go to bed.”

“Thank you. Harrison go check if Grant is fucking sleeping,” Tom ordered Harrison, who was already making his way out of the speakeasy. “One more thing, have any of you seen my right hand woman, Patricia?”

A series of “No’s” came but the girl next to the bald guy quickly tried to get Tom’s attention. Shutting everyone up once again with the raise of his hand, Tom nodded towards her.

“She was talking with Grant at the bar right before he left. I don’t know what about, but it looked tense.”

Tom’s chest tightened at her words, and he clenched his fists. Trish wouldn’t betray him; she knew what happened when people went behind his back. They ended up dead.

Tom didn’t say anything more, as he exited the speakeasy meeting an equally angry Harrison in the hall.

“What is it?” He sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was exhausted.

“Grant wasn’t asleep, but I found these in his bedside table.” Tom snatched the tiny bottles out of Harrison’s hands and looked at the labels. 

Anaesthetic. 

“Fuck!” Was the only thing that Tom could find himself yelling and before he knew what he was doing, the bottles were shattering against the wall. 

“Tom! Hey, you need to calm down!”

“Calm down! How the fuck do I calm down when my girlfriend is missing Harrison?!” 

Harrison took a small step backward at the sharpness of Tom’s words, but felt a smirk grow across his face before he could stop it.

“What’s so fucking funny?” Tom snarled, hands clenching and unclenching. 

“Your girlfriend?”

Tom only shook his head and let out a weak ‘shut up’ before making his way to their infirmary. He rarely ever visited the place, leaving it up to his gang to bring him appropriate weapons. So upon seeing Tom, infirmary keeper Dale almost had a damn heart attack.

The older man quickly rose from his small rocking chair and walked over to the boy who he considered a son. Dale had worked for Dom when he was the mob leader and practically helped raise Tom when his parents were hardly around. Tom pulled Dale into a brief hug before getting down to business. 

“What can I do for you son?”

“You know my dad better than anyone else right?”

Dale gave Tom a sheepish smile and he slowly sat back down in his seat. “I wouldn’t say better than anyone, but I do know him pretty well.”

“So you would know all of his hiding places?”

“All his favourites.”

The smirk on Tom’s face grew and he turned to look at Harrison who was mirroring his expression. Dale pointed a shaky finger to the notebook that was on the workbench in the middle of the room, and Tom swiftly removed the machete from on top of it and passed the book to Dale. 

The older man pulled a pen out from his shirt pocket, flipping through a few pages before he started writing. Tom’s eyes scanned around the small room that was in pristine condition. 

All machine weaponry was on the right wall while all melee weapons were on the left; all behind bullet proof glass. The wall behind Dale’s chair appeared clear but Tom knew that with the right button it opened to reveal their ecstasy import.

“Here’s a few of his hideouts, houses, warehouses and such. Be careful Thomas, you might want to send out some of our soldiers.”

“Don’t worry about it Dale,” Tom smiled, taking the page that the man held out to him. “I’ve got it covered.”

“Your father has associates, they’re probably out scouting the place incase of an attack. Don’t go making any rash decisions.”

Giving the older man a quick handshake, Tom promised not to make any stupid decisions before gesturing to Harrison to follow him. The men travelled in silence until they reached Tom’s office. Ignoring the mess around them, Tom passed the sheet of paper to Harrison.

“I need you to gather a few groups of our men to leave first thing tomorrow morning for a few of those places. I won’t be able to scout them all myself.”

“Got it.”

“I have a strong idea about where he is and I’m going to go there. Alone. So don’t tell the men to go to the second to last warehouse.”

“Tom, I don’t thin-”

“I don’t care,” cutting Harrison’s protest off, Tom waited until his best friend nodded before he continued. “You’re going to be my underboss while I’m gone. I trust you to make decisions and if anything happens to me, I trust you to take over. Understood?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”

Gesturing for Harrison to leave, Tom waited until his best friend was gone before glancing around the room; his eyes landing on the small frame on the wall.

It was a photo of him and his family at the hospital moments after his younger brothers were born. They were all smiling with the goofiest grins on their face; Tom’s small arms tightly wrapped around his fathers neck staring at the man with nothing but adoration – and he couldn’t help but wonder.

How could you go from loving someone so much to hating them with a burning passion? It just doesn’t make sense.

PART THIRTEEN

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Dad! Barbossa

For @ma-rys-stuff. Barbossa is your father, and he does everything he can to break the curse. Basically, it's your retelling of what happened.

@bonjour-frens @tesserphantom @ilikebritsandbands    

~2500 words

~~~~~~~

The girl didn’t look like a pirate. She had such nice blonde hair, and a stunningly thin figure. You were almost certain that men would trip over themselves just to talk to her. The crimson dress clung to her figure, fanning out at the hips, as was the style. It reminded you of apples and of wine. It pooled around her ankles on the floor, too long for her. 

           It reminded you of blood. 

           It was all you could think of. Her blood splattering the floor of some dark cavern, flowing freely from her body until she was spent and dying. All so you could, too. 

           Existing without the ability to feel was, in truth, pretty awful. You hated not being able to taste food, and you hated worse that when somebody touched you, their touch was like that of a ghost. Any reassuring hand on the shoulder, any kiss to the forehead; it was all lost to you. 

           It had been one of the best parts of your childhood. Your father had planted kisses on the top of your head every night. He squeezed your hand whenever you looked nervous. He held you by the arms and told you how big you were growing. You missed that sensation. 

           You missed, too, the more intimate touches in life. You missed kissing the man you loved. You missed his fingers in your hair, and his hands massaging your shoulders. You missed his breath on your neck when he leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You missed him. 

           You refocused. How could such a stunning girl be the daughter of a pirate? She looked too soft, like she’d never done a day’s work in her life. Who cared for her, her mother, the poor wench her father had left behind?

           You didn’t believe in that. In being left behind. Your father, despite his faults, had taken care of you from the time you were a baby. You were part of his crew, and could tie knots before you could walk. He hadn’t known about you to begin with. When he found out, and he realized your mother was dying, he took you under his wing. Now, you were as fearsome as any man. You could wield a sword, climb the rigging, swim, and fire a cannon. That was more than most girls your age could say. 

           The evening was slowly turning to night, and the first stars were creeping out. You loved looking out at the sky; it distracted you from looking at yourself. 

           The first time you’d seen your arm turn from flesh to bone, you were terrified. It felt like your skin was crawling with bugs. It was the sensation of your skin crawling off your frame, leaving you with nothing but a skeleton. How different that was, to look down and suddenly be able to see your own ribs. You’d long since gotten used to it, but it wasn’t a pretty sight.

           You stepped out from where you were peaking at the girl. Miss Turner, she’d introduced herself. Very convenient for the rest of you. 

           Miss Turner was to have dinner with your father. He was purely there to intimidate her; there was no reason for you to dine with them. She didn’t deserve it all. Her only crime was being the wrong man’s daughter. She couldn’t help what he’d done. She was probably a perfectly nice girl. It was a shame you’d have to kill her. 

           You didn’t believe it. Your father would never kill an innocent girl. He had a cold, vile reputation, but that was only to keep power. He wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. In fact, you’d seen him grant mercy on some occasions, though those were few and far between. Still, the girl was around your age. She reminded him of you; she had to. 

           The night progressed without so much as a shout from inside the cabin. Perhaps he was exercising silent horror. 

           Finally, you heard something. There was movement, the knocking over of chairs, and your father’s taunting voice. A moment later, the doors were pushed open. The girl stumbled out, staring at your father’s transformation in the moonlight. She was shoved right into your arms. She turned a frightened eye to your face, screeching as you squeezed her and turned her around to face the crew, making her watch them at work. 

           You held her there just long enough to give her a good look, then pushed her out into the fray. She tripped up, falling into a tarp. Her petite body flew into the air, ridiculously ballooned by the dress. Someone caught her while swinging by. 

           It was so well done, you wanted to applaud. The crew was getting a real kick out of scaring her. Sure, it was mean, but there was only so much entertainment to be had onboard the Pearl. One could only find so much humor in Pintel and Ragetti. 

           The girl stumbled to the stairs, attempting to hide under them, only to be screeched at by Jack the monkey. She flew out from under the staircase, right toward Captain Barbossa. Always one for the dramatic flair, he opened a bottle of rum and downed it, letting the alcohol slosh over his ribs. 

           “You’d best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You’re in one.” 

           Barbossa. The famed pirate captain, who led a successful mutiny and stole the Black Pearl from the command of a certain Jack Sparrow. Your father was dreaded among all men, and his name fell only from the most daring of people’s lips. It was said he could hear you call, a summons. This, of course, was not true, but it was fun to pretend.

           Being part of his family had its perks. Your name alone inspired fear into the hearts of men. You weren’t sure you’d done anything to deserve such fame, but your father’s name was enough to put people on their guard. Everyone knew that if they messed with you, they messed with him. It kept you out of trouble. Well, sometimes. 

           The truth was, he pushed hard for the curse to be cured. He’d spent years collecting every last bit of Aztec gold. That you’d found the Turner child was a miracle. You spent many long years wondering if you’d ever live a life without the curse. It was easy for him to say that he wanted to be free of it, but that wasn’t even half the reason for his efforts. 

           He did everything for you, his only child. He was dedicated to his cause. You’d only been a baby at the time of the mutiny and the theft of the treasure. You were only learning to walk when they sunk poor Bootstrap Bill. It wasn’t your fault the curse was upon you.

           You’d spent a lifetime not knowing what it was to feel. There was a time when Barbossa had owned a ring that allowed him to touch you so you could both feel it. You’d given that ring to someone else, when you got older. It didn’t improve their relationship with your father. Then again, nothing ever would, of that you were sure. Not even you. 

           Besides being Barbossa’s old captain, Jack Sparrow was the pirate you’d fallen head over heels for. He was as dashing as any prince, and he understood your lifestyle like many others couldn’t. Only a select few people were the children of infamous pirates. You both fit the category. 

           There was a certain way of life that came with growing up on a ship since the time you were an infant. For so long, you hadn’t known anything else. There was the ship, and there was the sea, and there were dots of land connected by strips of water. Beyond that, you couldn’t imagine landmasses. When you were younger, you’d pour over maps, trying to comprehend the vast amounts of dry earth that made up the world. You couldn’t fathom being in a place where you couldn’t see the ocean. Certainly it wasn’t possible to get out of sight of the sea. 

           You and Jack had a beautiful understanding of one another in this aspect. Your lives were so similar, though very, very different. You told yourself that he’d just lived more of his. Your lives mirrored one another, displaying what the other person could have been had they made different decisions. Yet, neither of you had made a decision that you regretted. 

           The waters were changing. There were a few gulls overhead. You could hear their wailing, but could not see them. The water should have been lighter as you neared land, but it became dark as pitch, and the sky above rolled with thunder. It wasn’t a welcoming sight, but you were glad to see it anyway. 

           This was the end. You’d struggled through so much to get here, and now, you could be free. You could live in some sort of peace, now. The looming rocks couldn’t suck the joy out of your belly. It was equally likely that the ship would crash on the rocks, but you preferred to think of the feeling of warmth. 

           Warmth. What an underrated feeling. You don’t know the meaning of warmth until it is gone from your life. What little remembrance you had of it, you clung to. It was the sensation of being enveloped, of being safe, and of being loved. It was a deep breath under the sun. It was muted sounds against the faint glow of torchlight, a drink in hand. It was the love you had for your father, and it was the love you had for Jack. Focusing on that memory, you helped unload the ship. You wanted it to be the first thing you felt. 

           It took too long to get the gold out of the ship. There were other things, too, and you hefted those treasures into the cave alongside their more metallic counterparts. You were growing impatient with the process. You wanted everything to be over, to not worry a moment longer about your life. You had forever, of course, to make things right, but forever is a long time with a little girl whose death would have been a long way off in the first place. 

           Once the treasure was empty, the crew filed into the cave. It was volcanic. The cavern had long since been carved out by lava that had snaked underneath the island, leaving tunnels as it oozed along in its winding path to nowhere. The entrance was right on the water, nearly hidden from view. But you’d been to the island before. To the very same cave. You’d always know the way. 

           A mound of treasure stood near a little river of water. Balanced on top was a great gold coffin, filled with gold pieces. It was worth a fortune, if you were willing to be cursed. Miss Turner stood behind it, a knife pressed to her throat. Barbossa was just behind her. 

           He addressed the crowd with flair, and cheers went up from all sides. You were ecstatic. Not only were you happy to be a real person again, as you’d never been since you were a babe, but you were proud of your father. He’d put in so much work. He deserved this, more than any of you. 

           Carefully, he took the girl’s hand in his own. You watched intently as he cut a razor-thin line through her palm. Blood dripped out of it, falling through her fingers. She held her injured hand in a tight fist, as if trying to keep any blood from spilling. She acted like it was gold. To everyone else in the room, it was worth so much more. 

           When the first drop of blood fell into the case, you held your breath. Yet, even as the seconds wore on, nothing happened. There was no sensation of freedom, as you’d thought there would be. 

           There was no warmth. 

           What did it mean? She was the one, wasn't she? But you felt unchanged. You were no different than you had once been. 

           The crowd jeered. They called for all her blood to be spilled, or for Barbossa to shoot someone. People were impatient, and they got louder by the second. 

           It was overwhelming. No, this can't be right. I would know if the curse were gone. Wouldn't I? 

           A smoke ring sat heavy in the air, preceded by a gunshot. Pintel looked down at his chest, a frown growing on his face. For a moment, there was only silence. 

           Your father was sharing some words with Elizabeth, but you couldn't hear them. You were too engrossed in the panic welling up inside your chest. 

           He hit her, and you flinched. It's not her fault. She was sent tumbling down the mound of gold. 

           The crew was restless, and a few members had the audacity to challenge your father. You bristled; like they could have done any better! Barbossa had done all he could to cure the curse. He hadn't known how things would end up. 

           Barbossa looked back over his shoulder, something like fear dancing in his eyes. "The medallion, she's taken it!" 

           That was all the prompting the crew needed to get moving. You were glad the attention had been taken off your father. 

           You were swept up with the crowd, headed toward the exit. Before you got there, everyone stopped. There, standing dizzily with a paddle in hand, was Jack Sparrow. Oh dear. He looked good, but a bit out of sorts. Just himself, then. 

           "Parloo." He held a finger up, trying to remember a word. "Parsnip, parsley, par…" 

           "Parlay?" You offered. The crowd turned to you, casting a collective scathing eye. Jack, however, only grimaced. 

           "Parley, that's it! Parlay."

           Barbossa appeared, and your stomach dropped. There was enough bad blood between him and Jack for things to go seriously wrong. 

           "How the blazes did you get off that island?"

           "When you marooned me on that godforsaken spit of land, you forgot one thing, mate. I'm cap'n Jack Sparrow."

           "I mistake I shan't be makin' again. Gents, you all remember Cap'n Jack Sparrow. Kill him."

           Barbossa doesn't make eye contact with you, and you're about to protest, bit Jack does that little hand gesture that makes everyone stop and listen. "The girl's blood didn't work, did it."

           "Hold your fire." You see many faces twist with disappointment. "You know whose blood we need."

           "I know whose blood you need."

           The sentence gives you hope. You're torn between going to Jack and going to your father. You didn't know who to face first. 

           As Barbossa turned to leave, you caught his sleeve, letting the crew file past him. "What does this mean for us?" You hissed. 

           He looked down at you, eyes softening. "It means we keep trying. We've been trying for a long time. We can wait."

           "Until we succeed?"

           "Have I ever not seen something through?"

           You felt weighed down by the events, but Jack's words combined with your father's gave you some hope. 

           "No."

Persuasion 1995

The incoherent rambling commentary of a 3am viewing.

we start in a boat -- wait have i done this one before -- who cares CIARAN HINDS BBYYYY. I have sheep too just in my front yard ya know. that's just how it be. here's some boats - i can see where they pasted the fake boats in teh background i love it .calm nice piano music. dude is cutting the lawn people out here with top hats and wigs. oh dear everyone pissy SHOW ME THE MONEYYYY. lots of wigs and coats and here's a lady in a turban she's definitely the worldy kind. sailors n shit sitting drinking wine and smoking. oh god who's this. i can't hear the dialogue over my laptop fan. this ol mate's a fop i hate his voice. oh dear he's supposed to be a moron huh. oh whoops the fop is a baronet and he is poorr lol sucked in he got debtss extreme debts you musssttt retreennnnnchh. the neighbours be tryna help out and hereeee is Anne eyy. wow eatin grapes and sorbet and they're goin to Bath. he hates sailors and now he has to be ol mate's tenant. ohh Anne knows about the admiral and this fop keeps talking nonsense. a lady with no children has the best furniture. WENTWORTH she gasps. and she is dramatic and sad, puts her tea down takes a breath by the window and comes back takes up her tea and sits down damn. aww Ann---OH 'since no one will want you in bath its best you stay here!' what a fkn bitch what is happening. ITS AUNT PETUNIAA. naww anne is so cute and petite and so miserable. her sister looks cruel and stupid and her dad is just as bad honestly. damn they got Greek statues in their giant house. her sister. is. a . bitch. fuck me. give her like two lists and tells her to go visit everyone in the parish. damn all the peeps glared at him as he left like give us the money you foppish twat. Poor Anne, that is a fkn big ass house. everyone's watching em leave. ohhh cows. oop packing up the house, sheets over the furniture, she's lucky they got like a thousand servants. she's found something in teh box - it's a letter in the shape of a boat ooh i wonder who its from. she's been miserable for years; she hates Bath; her mum's dead and everything went to shit after that - her dad's a moron, her sister's a bitch, she's out here gonna fixedly avoid risking meeting him. Lady Russell - she's the one tsk tsk. oooh Annneeeee she is persuaded despite disapproval and anxiety of his prospects - she was 19 and she wanted to fuck and Lady Russell told her to fuck him off because he was a peasant damn fuck Lady Russell; she just brushes Jane off like shut up little girl I'm right you're wrong move on dumbass. And Anne's like, did you not hear me - i literally just tried to tell you I hate my fucking life and I miss him and I love him and I kinda resent you for telling me to say no. More sheep and a puppy, and close up view of sheep. dad and sister got to ride in a fancy carriage and Anne has to ride in a wagon that's a bit rough. I like her bonnet. oh my god her sister i love her. 'i am soooooooo ill' - she's searching for attention; lonely and miserable and sad and a little bitter. Mary you poor girl leave Anne alone none of that emotional manipulation. 'oh i was very well yesterday, it's just today' yeah alright. sounds like Charles isn't as rich as the Elliots and Mary's not happy about it.  ohh i know this lady and of course Anne can play piano very well and everyone knows it -- Mary tryna cut in like yes i'm as accomplished as Anne and they're awkward like ehhhh but we like watching you dance and Anne doesn't dance so there you go and she sits there with an awkward cringe 'no'. Mary goes off and sulks and Charles rolls his eyes. The Musgroves are rich and friends ohmygod Mary don't be embarrassing in your bitterness yikes and we cut and Mary was there but now Mrs Musgrove and Anne are sitting in teh same spot - I like Mrs M's dress, even the lace around her shoulders that matches the hat I don't know it just seems refined or something. There's lots of very swift conversations - good pace just like my fingers and brain can't keep up yo. Yikes Mrs M thinks Mary is a shit mum; Mary says Mrs M riles em up with lollies; Charles says Mary interferes and fancies herself ill; Mrs M tells the kids are so naughty the only way to keep em chill is to feed them cake; dunno who this girl is (Henrietta?) anyway the brown haired petite one, they're sitting in the window, Anne's finished her tea by now damn how is she so casually moving from person to person how long have they been chillin with the Musgroves? anyway she's tea-less and talking with brown-haired-possibly-Henrietta: wants Mary to stop being rude over Mrs M even though she has precedent to no one likes her for it; blondish sister now and Anne's got more tea and this one says Mrs M's not one for etiquette she just wants cake lmaooooo; Mary is superior and wants her to persuade Charles that she is very very ill. Anne and Charles sigh on the couch together. Now only Charles has got a tea. okay never mind Mary's a bit more like her sister than I thought. oh my god kids ew. it's petunia looking high as a kite ahaha i wish i was her naw petunia was like idc bout your sister I wanted to meet you btw ol mate is married and Anne's like kill me now I guess. she's horrified, shocked, wants to find an ant hill to bury herself in. god mary's a bitch i take back everything i said about her but all is well Anne has a new friend. she's got a very good memory, Anne does, naw and she's good with her nephews. what's this girls name plz tell me oh it is Henrietta. oh damn they're invited to the house tonight to 'meet Mr Frederick WEntowORTH by ALL aCOunts a most CHarMinG anD agreEable GeNtlemAn' Anne could not look more uspet. fixing her hair in the mirror - there's boys screaming ohh no a child what's happened oh god Mary's screaming for Anne the boy has broken his collarbone - she's knowledgeable chatting with the doctor - Charles marches in like wtf my dumbass kid out here falling out of trees - it's his first born the kid looks so fkn miserable that's hilarious now he's off to dinner cause -- oh damn i forgot they wear gloves. this kid's just lying there. ahah Mary doesn't give a fuck about her kids she just wants to be in on everything -- damn--"you are the properest person to sit with the boy. but you haven't a mothers feelings, have you?' like BITCH she's just offered to sit here so you can go to dinner and you're out here being a fucking cunt for no reason? gtfo. and the scene just changes with that damn savage leave Anne be she deserves better than this. oh damn i know that cheekbone. Anne's been out here watching this kid all night like literally and Mary shrugs off that Wentworth barely asked after her because they're barely acquaintances and says he and Charles are out shooting and Anne's tense like uhh they're not coming here tho right and just as Mary's like nah BAM SURPRISE BITCH o no O NO and THERE HE IS DRAMATIC ZOOM HE DOESNT EVEN LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS TERRIFIED, HE BARELY GLANCES AT HER, doesn't talk to her, she grips the chair tight fuck he's hot. another swift glance and he's gone. dramatic zooms all around. Mary returned, didn't even look at her injured child who has a big ass cut on his face who's just sitting in the corner looking plain and miserable and wentworth - "you were so altered he would not have known you again' - scene cuts to her sitting in front of a mirror looking fucking sadddddd. they're all at dinner together fuck me he is so hot my god. the girls are all over him and he's enchanting everyone with his stories and of course the reason why he first went out comes up and he's like 'i was extremely keen... to be at sea. i was extremely keen. i badly wanted to be doing something.' the PAIn in his eyes, the tight swallow as he turned to listen to the Admiral, who sits Right next to Anne who's sorta just sitting with wide eyes staring at the salad bowl. then the admiral leans over 'when a man has no wife he wants to be afloat again' and she's like yeah wow ah ha ha ah 'yes well i had no wife - pity the essex (?? dunno what that means but I GET THE POINT)" and then he looks at her properly for the first time and i want to die and she wants to die and he wants to die and we are all quite miserable where we are BUT WE ARE ONLY A HALF HOUR IN and we move on talkin bout his ship crap just wait im eating chocolate but i have many thoughts. sorry honestly theres no time to take a breath in this movie i love it but damn it doesn't give one enough time to write and snack. RIGHT - ol mate's declared he'll never have a woman on his ship because its not pink and frilly enough and petunia's stepped in like fkn excuse me m8 wanna say that again? and also is Anne and petunia related because they are looking very similar to me right now??? they're not related. alright pulling us back yet again, I'm so sorry this is a mess I'm eating chocolate at 1 am and watching Persuasion, I think you can guess how my day has been. they keep talking about him getting married and he laughs and jokes it off and then excuses himself like yeah real smooth yeeting yourself outta here dude at that certain topic hanging around. naww the only time petunia felt scared or bad was when she was away from her husband this is adorable. ol mate's tryna play the piano to the amusement of the girls, sees Anne sneaking up to listen and immediately hurries outta there, face pale never moved so fast in his life i bet and they all follow him and she just sits down and starts playing while everyone dances. for people who were so refined they danced like crazy people --- 'no never she has quite given up dancing' Wentworth's face falls and he looks at her and she looks away from him come on guys you are hurting me. some guy has just rocked up who the heck is Henry - a cousin? who is not --- 20,000 pounds fuck me. Charles and Mary; wait we're talking about Henry. oh my god, they're planning who's gonna marry who - Henrietta and lousia and henry and wentworth 'what say you Anne, which one is the Captain in love with? she laughs slightly - I've never seen someone so depressed before in my life, at least not in a romance . this is actually a really sad story ya know, Wentworth got rejected and fled to sea; and Anne rejected him and became depressed about it for years. damn. anyway these girls can't go anywhere without Mary butting in, now they're going for a long walk or something and Mary's forcibly inserted herself and they look at each other and the poor kid is sitting with his arm in a bandage that goes round his neck? with that scratch on his face and adorable little round glasses sitting at the table with some cake and a puzzle he's doing with Anne like please don't abandon the suffering child has he even had any panadol?? Who the hell is looking after this kid if they're all going on this long walk - now Charles and Wentworth too. Charles helps two of em over, Wentworth helps Louisa over the fence, and Anne has to help herself over, which she does without hesitation good girl you do you fam. yikes Charles and that are going to Winthrop or something where Charles' aunt lives and Mary's offended to have such connections and refuses to go and assures Wentworth she's only been there twice and he half-smiles politely. louisa came running up to take Wentworth wherever and he like turned around to look at Mary and Anne and Anne fkn spun around to avoid him just generally so smooth these two so smooth. Anne's looking around at like anything and everything except him. every time he's nearby she tenses up and skitters around like she's tryna hide in plain sight but also stand tall and brave and staring straight at him like she wants him to look at her so badly. 'we all wish that charles had married anne instead' 'did charles want to marry anne' 'did you not know' 'you mean she refused him' 'yes' ... 'my parents think it was Lady Russell's doing, that my brother not being philosophical enough for her taste she persuaded Anne to refuse him.' ohhhhhh. damn. Wentworth is very quiet. Mouth tight. Brow low. Anne's freaking out down the hill. Mary's just stolen her spot. Christ. It's chaos. Anne's stumbling along she's tired she's sad she's got the depression her sister's a nightmare, WEntworth doesn't care about her, she cares about him, everything is awful and she trips over some sticks and he turned to look at her, concerned out of his thoughts. Hey petunias back with her carriage and they're offering a seat and Wentworth like rushes over and whispers for them to take Anne and she catches it like wtf confusion she goes to protest and suddenly He's AT her SIDE and he doesn't even say anything and he leans his head down to hers for a moment with a gentle look on his face, putting a hand to her back and her brain just shuts down as he leads her to the carriage and hold her hip tight as he helps her up and she looks around in shock and he's staring straight forward like everything is chill and doesn't look at her again. oh wait petunia is wentworth's sister damn awesome but she doesn't think very well of him. oh they're going to Lime and they ask if Anne can come and I think Wentworth choked on his tea a little bit. and here's some establishing shots : the ocean. Some rocks with seaweed on them. The shittest 'beach' ive ever seen there's like boulders everywhere where's the sand? is that a teepee of seaweed? what Wentworth looks pretty happy about it though like he wants to jump in. I like Charles he's a funny dude. Wow that is one helluva hat Wentworth. All these fancy people going into a sailor's home like etiquette is what but everyone is chill with it except Mary of course. is Anne supposed to have her bonnet off? o no now she's chosen to be the nice depressed girl who tries to talk to the weird depressed guy who is too into poetry about death. cute they're all shoulder to shoulder around the guy's table. she starts getting the hint that this guys a bit off 'you cannot know the depths of my despair.' damn son get a therapist. ohh shittt 'you have no conception of what i have lost' 'yes I have' she says, and Wentworth is sitting there smoking what could be a blunt who can honestly say and he heard the whole thing. Wentworth and Louisa are doing a whole lot of hanging out.  Like every time they actually speak to each other feels like a momentous occasion - they literally just said 'good morning' to each other and it feels like such a big step and her heads down and he's watching her BIG STEPS --oh shit some blonde haired guy that im sure will come up later tipped his hat to the girls and then Anne and Wentworth was coming up behind her and she looked over her shoulder to look at the BLondie but wentworth thought it was at him and he SMILED to himself nawwww. that looks like the house from Pride and Prejudice ahaha. whoop Blondie's back and she looked back at him again and now they're at breakfast ohmyGadh his eyes sparkle when he looks at her the few times he looks at her my god they're talking about Blondie who is apparently their cousin or something and he and mary and anne's father aren't on good terms and she tells Mary so and he looks over his bowl with those fkn sparklllinggg eyes and a playful smile and it doesn't even matter what he says just that look and he drinks his soup and licks his lips and looks up at her and she's just staring but like calmly not even freaking out and she lowers her eyes to her toast and just chills like all is well.  whoop i think weird depressed guy is gonna propose but before he can whats up we're helping girls down some scary stairs yikes i'd sit my ass down going down those things. Louisa is being crazy oh fuckkkk ahahaha hahaSPLAT holy shit oh fuck weird depressed guy is standing in the background with his hands over his mouth Anne is in there with Charles and Wentworth damn she'd 100% be a doctor nowadays, Louisa the dumbass has smashed herself on the cobblestones and WEntworht is just freaking out and he is looking straight to Anne who is giving straight smart orders and he is following them without hesitation - the other women are crying they're all sitting around her while the doctor does like... something and Anne's the only one like hey we have shit to do like people gotta hear about this we don't have phones and her speaking makes Wentworth speak and Charles is in shock cause its his baby sister whose hurt. Once again she's looking after the injured person and she walks out and Wentworth is talking to Charles 'I think it should be Anne - no one so capable as Anne--' he cuts off when he sees her coming in 'I-we-you'll stay, won't you?' he stammers as she enters holy fuck my heart can't handle...they're just staring into each others eyes; in any other context man. he clarifies himself but fuck if they didn't think it. ah fuck Mary is so annoying crying that she should be the one to stay with Louisa like bitch you didn't even give a shit about your injured son let alone your sister-in-law wtf she needs a slap why are they listening to her. 'If only I -- if only--' he cries in the carriage 'yes.' Anne said, looking at him sadly. 'Anne... I regret that...' he looks at her once and again and again and she lowers her eyes and holds the sleeping Henrietta close. like honestly i feel like there's no problem writing their dialogue cause there is just so little of it and when it does happen all of it means everything. but anyway she doesn't answer him and I am sad and he is sad. 'damned foolish' he sa---wait holy shit SCREAAAAAAAMINGgGg fucking hell grab your torches and pitchforks Mrs Mudahwhatver is screaming and Wentworth is riding off in the rain and once again Anne is all alone and she stays up just walking around all night and playing the piano and yay Louisa is conscious and Anne continues to be depressed poor girl and you can tell because its raining. and its still raining and they're not back-- wait now she's in Bath and her fop father and bitch sister are lounging irritatingly and he says he's happy for her to have come because it will be an advantage to have four at dinner. things are white and gold - clean and unhomely and too perfect and the fop is calling everyone ugly - they're eating sorbet again ahaha yum. god they all look bored and miserable and here's blondie come to greet them and he glances at Anne, processes and then snaps back to stare at her in astonishment he's got nice hair and he continues to stare damn and she's so confident she just smiles and stares back I'm so jealous she can do that. oh mygod they're having an intimate conversation in front of her shitty family dude i know he'll probs turn out like a wickham character but one can have hope. damn that jaw-line tho. hmmm lady russell is back. i hate her hair. metal cups are odd - they make sense but so strange. Russell's got plans man Anne's telling her about how her bitch sister is after Blondie and Russell laughs and pats her cheek. Oh yay it's petunia! aw she hears the admiral is in poor health and she's immediately like what's wrong here come get some water. damn bitch sister 'she is nothing to me' damn whats about the screaming and the random rage bursts damn. oh and here's a viscountess why are they always fucked. Blondie and Anne are in the corner flirting crazily I know he's bad but like you can't fake this chemistry no one's that good. and suddenly she's surprised?0oh my god that suit. Mrs Smith oh my god she's adorable she and Nurse Rook are gossipers hell yeah 'there are no secrets in Bath' naw this better not be a Helen situation come on guys - oh fuck Louisa is gonna marry weird depressed guy?? and Anne is freaking thrilled. damn it rains a lot here. far out hats are crazy. Here's Blondie. Anne's so used to being verbally abused by her sister she doesn't respond -----holy damn its Wentworth walking down the street. Penelope is n---- oh fuck he just walked in -- she took a breath with her back to him then spun around HOWDY he looks shocked and delighted and she hse ewihpewjihp oh my god they love each other and they're so nervous and uncertain about it oh my god so awkward and cute please trying to go through the etiquette script oh no so cute 'im already armed for Bath' he grins and she laughs ----oh no. ... oh shit. Blondie just showed up and she just accepted Wentworth's umbrella everything was going so well stop awwww nooo his face falls, her face falls everything is awful. standing all solemn and glum by the window and all dressed in white looking shiny and gorgeous her little sack bag is weird but. and who is she looking for, I wonder. The family is standing awkward---there he be. tall and commanding and hmhmmm i love a man in uniform - she steps in front of him as he tries to pass him by. asks him if he's come for the concert - 'no ive come for a lecture on navigation am i in the wrong place' damn son no he's so good at making her laugh she never laughs oohh her family have to bow to him interesting - he's asking her how she's been since Lime I love them talking he starts on about being concerned about weird depressed guy getting married to Louisa because of his depression about his dead fiance 'a man does not recover to such a devotion to such a woman - he ought not; he does not' i'm sorry was that a declaration of love m8 omg Anne knows it too 'i should like to see it again' 'would you i would've thought i mean the distress, too painful' 'but when the pain is over...' dudes DUDES guys please guys 'It was my doing solely mine - Louisa would not have been obstinate if i had not been weak - Anne, I have never--' GUYS NO the fucking viscountess wandered in ruining everything and now he's gone please come back who cares about this lady singing i mean the candles look cool and but stop honestly who cares bring back Wentworth. omg fop is asleep, Anne and Blondie are bantering and she's not realising that she's pushing into flirting, again my god silly silly innocent naive and entirely relatable lol help. but there's Wentworth standing all tall and handsome in the corner and he looks so sad and meanwhile Blondie is like tryna propose and Wentworth is tryna yeet outta there and she's sprinting over to him tryna block his way tryna convince him to stay HOW THE TURN TABLES 'the next song is beautiful its a very beautiful love song is that not worth your staying for.' 'there's nothing worth my staying for.' kill me. Blondie needs to like there's no way he couldn't tell.  Yay Charles is here! oh and Mary lol. Lol everyone is making decisions on what Louisa and Henrietta are gonna wear on their wedding day except they themselves?? And here is ol mate sweeping int eh room, smile briefly falling at the sight of Anne but everyone's happy to see them yay. mate what he just swept over to her talking softly ohmhwy god i don't think they've said anything directly to each other in their lives its all round the bend and metaphors and insinuations please kill me i love it he picks at her that she says she doesn't like the parties her family and Blondie give; 'they mean nothing to me'  she has nothing in common with them and dislikes how they are, they're smiling at each other - oh shit Mr Elliott is out there meeting with her sister's friend or whatever now fkn Russell's tryna PERSUADE (ahaha) her into marrying Elliot 'that is not what I want!' Russell is shocked. now he's here looking stiff and snappy and awkward because the admiral has told him to invite her and her newly engaged Mr Elliot to his house and oh my god poor ol mate he wants to yeet away into the sunset goodbye world fuck you all 'if you wish it all you have to do is give me a yes or a no and we are both released' 'the admiral is too kind...' 'just say it: yes or no.' fuck you jane austen. Anne is overwhelmed and stormed off Russell faces Wentworth, he sneers her name, she smiles serenely 'You have an extraordinary ability to discompose my friend sir' , he twitches ' you have an extraordinary ability to influence her ma'am for which I find it hard to forgive you.' damn and then the scene ends damn.  she's run off to Mrs Smith and Nook I love em she's ranting about everyone thinking she's gonna marry this guy and they're astonished and relieved cause he is poor and living on loans - he wants her for her money, title and lands thank god she's got her friends eyyy yasss. naw petunia and mrs musgrove are here my favs. Wentworth is writing a letter. whever they're in the room she can't help but look at him. she's talking with weird depressed gyu's fiance's brother - he's bitter that he's moved on so fast - she wouldn't have, its not in her nature, 'it would not be in the nature of any woman who truly loved.' 'do you claim that for your sex?' 'we do not forget you as soon as you forget us.' blah blah about women being stuck at home because people were shit to us back then fuck the patriarchy and all that. Fiance's brother says women and men are the same in being inconstant and forgetting those they love or have loved. Their convo gets interrupted by Wentworth knocking the whatever it is that they sprinkle over ink to dry it off the table and everyone's like dude the fuck we don't own vacuum cleaners you know. Fiance's brother says he's not read a book in his life that didn't have something to say on women's fickleness. 'but they were all written by men.' she argues. they laugh.  he's on about going off to sea and being the victim cause he has to leave his family behind and boohoo it's so hard for me to be away from them even though i'm the one choosing to go away. yikes too close to home. anyway lolol. She says that above all, women are the ones who love the longest when all hope is gone. they all left, he snuck back and put out a letter on the desk, gave her a look and then left. she pretty much threw herself at it OH MY GOD THE LETTTTTTTTERRRRRRRR dudes dudes dudes dudes deud ed dud oh ymf theihwhes 'where are you going' 'i hardly know' ihowyiqruhoijpfg0hurbj3ifjpgrn Charles just keeps on standing between them and chattering finally gets it tips his hat and trots off wringing his hands. those eyes - he offers a hand, he takes it - i tried to forget you, i thought i had. they kiss very slowly, very gently, very chastely. his hair all windswept like that is very becoming - the way she slowly ran her hands over his arm before tucking it into his --- aand now there is a very random festival procession what and they're walking down the empty street. okay cool fine. she wanders into the gaming room or whatever, the camera mans shadow spreading all over the place, her sister grabs her and tells her not to monopolise wentworth - there's another war coming? oh how romantic. 'MY PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE TO YOUR DAUGHTER ANNE HAS BEEN ACCEPTED.’ he fucking beams. everyones shocked. 'Anne? You want to marry anne, whatever for?' he just grins at the fop. And now she's on a ship and they're sailing off to war, oh how romantic. and there you go.

--

ya know before this 1-3am viewing i wouldve given this a 4/5 or even 4.5/5, but now I’m gonna give it a 3/5. there’s just something about it thats a bit... idk. still really like it but also.. yeah.

Attention to Detail (4/6)

A Red vs Blue fanfic

Chapter 4

It seemed like forever before Church got the vomiting under control. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand then gulped water right from the tap, swishing it around his mouth before spitting it out. What he wouldn’t give for a toothbrush right now.

He’d forgotten about this side of having fun. He found that kind of ironic—what with being made of pure memory. He didn’t dwell on it. He did consider ditching this body for someone less pukey, but after splashing water on his face, he felt better. And switching would just confuse Caboose.

Church hurried back to where he last saw the gang—near an ice cream stand where Grif had been trying to convince Simmons that mixing all ten flavors was a sure cure for a hangover—but when he got there, the shop had closed. Fuck.

He scanned the mass of people, looking for a mop of black hair bobbing above the others. Or a glimpse of the turquoise sundress Carolina was wearing that was giving Church very confusing and uncomfortable feelings. He saw only strangers.

“Great,” he muttered. “They ditched me.”

He rubbed his face, wincing at his sore nose. This poor bastard was going to wake up to one hell of a hangover in the morning. Instinctively, Church reached for his radio toggle before remembering a second later he wasn’t wearing his armor. He wasn’t even wearing his own skin. Now what? Caboose would never voluntarily leave without him, so he figured they went on ahead when he took too long.

He located the looming beast towering over the other buildings—the sounds of delighted screams drifting on the wind like a dream. His stomach twisted again, but he ignored it. How many battles had he been in now? How many near-deaths? How many horrible tortures had he endured? 

“Too fucking many,” he mumbled, getting a nasty look from a mother dragging a little girl behind her. The girl had red pigtails and green eyes. They were the wrong shade, but for a second he was back on Earth—a tiny girl by his side.

“Look at my dress, Daddy. It floats.”

Church shook his head as the spinning girl in his memories morphed into the one in front of him who was currently sticking out her tongue. He resisted the urge to flip the kid off.

“Sorry,” he mumbled to the lady then sprinted away because she had that look like she was about to lay into him. Carolina gave him that look a lot—it never ended well.

His heart didn’t settle for three whole blocks. What the hell was that? It sure wasn’t his memory. Or Alpha’s. But he knew, deep down, it was still him—Leonard Church. They were all essentially the same person at their core. Just their experiences sent them on different paths.

Church swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped the dampness from his cheeks. Fuck, he was never drinking again.

“Cody! Hey, Cody, wait up. Cody!” Someone grabbed Church’s arm, spinning him around. “I knew it was you?” the petite brunette said, hugging him. “It’s been forever. How have you been?”

“Uh-” Church blinked at the girl. It took him a second to match the name she called him to the one on the ID in his wallet. Cody Lawson. Age twenty-two. From Portland, Oregon. Wonder what he was doing so far from home? He cleared his throat when he realized she was waiting for some kind of response. “Um, okay, I guess?”

She slapped his arm. Hard. “That’s all you have to say? Okay, you guess? What happened to your grand plan to see the galaxy one planet at a time?”

“Well, um. I-” Was he always this awkward talking to girls? Tex would say yes. He shoved the thought of Tex way back in his brain where he kept the shit he wasn’t ready to deal with yet. The girl was still waiting for a real answer. The best lies are the ones rooted in truth. Someone had told him that once—probably Tex. He took a deep breath. “Well, see, there’s this war. And it’s pretty much everywhere, and one thing led to another. And I got drafted.” He shrugged.

Horror replaced the curiosity on her face. “Oh, Cody, no! You’re a pacifist. Can’t you like conscientiously object or something? Protest?”

Figures the guy in plaid shorts would be a pussy. But then he thought of Doc, and as annoying and often useless as the guy was, he held his own in battle. With or without O’Malley riding shotgun. “See, I figure,” Church told her, “I go into the medical corps. Couple years training to be a medic and then I’ll be saving people instead of shooting them.” He felt really proud of that whopper until the girl gasped.

“But you didn’t even finish high school. You said you were dropping out because you couldn’t read. I think you need to know how to read to be a medic.”

For crying out loud. He was so done with this conversation. Thankfully, he saw a flash of aqua and red hair in the distance. Finally. He shrugged at the girl. “Eh, I hear they take anyone now—they’re kind of desperate. Gotta go.” He didn’t wait for her to respond before taking off.

“Where the hell have you been?” Carolina yelled. Church was amazed at how clear her speech was when he was still fighting his tongue every other word.

“Nice to see you, too, sis.”

That softened the anger storming in her eyes. She took a deep breath, letting it out in a puff that ruffled her bangs. “Did I mention I’m a mean drunk?”

“The meanest,” Wash agreed, coming up behind her with a steaming cup of coffee. “This one time, her and Maine-”

Carolina slapped her hand over his mouth. “We agreed we’d never speak of that again.”

Wash winked at Church and mouthed, “I’ll tell you later.”

Church smiled. Damn, his face hurt from all of the smiling he’d done today. And it felt pretty fucking good. Seeing Carolina and Wash happy after everything they’d been through—even if it was for this brief moment—was worth compromising his dicey morals. He knew he was the cause of most of their pain. In one way or another. Wash more personally. His smile faltered. Another thought to keep Tex company in the back of his mind. Eventually, he would have to take stock and clear the skeletons in his closet. But not today. Today, he was on vacation.

“Where is everybody?” Church asked before he was swallowed by his dark thoughts.

“Don’t know. We turned around a second and they were gone,” Carolina said.

“And by ‘turn around,’ she means puking in a trash can and getting a ticket for public intoxication.” 

Church snorted as Carolina punched Wash in the arm. He rubbed the spot with a goofy grin.

Carolina grabbed their arms, dragging them along. “Come on Tweedledee and Tweedledum, let’s go find the others. It’s getting dark and we should be heading back.”

“Yes, Mom,” Wash mumbled.

“Don’t make me smack you again.”

“Yeah, Tweedledum, leave her alone. She’s had a hard day of drinking and puking.”

“Reminds me of my college days. Brief as they were.”

Carolina glared at Church over her shoulder. “Don’t think I won’t deck you, too.”

Church laughed. “Oh, I know you would, Carolina.” He shot her a crooked grin, getting an eye roll in return. It was weird seeing everyone without their armor. Faces expressed so much emotion that was normally lost behind a visor. He wondered how often Carolina rolled her eyes at him.

“Now wait a minute,” Wash said. “I am most definitely Tweedledee. You’re Tweedledum.”

“What? No way. I’m not being Tweedledum. He’s, well, the dumb one.”

A grin slid across Wash’s face. “Too bad. I call dibs.”

“You can’t call dibs on a name.”

“Can.”

“Not.”

“Carolina?”

She let out an exasperated sigh—the kind Church’s mother gave him when he was little and on her last nerve. “They’re both idiots so the names could go either way.”

“See,” Church said, but was cut off by Carolina.

“But, Tweedledee did call dibs. Sorry, Dummy.”

“You both suck,” Church grumbled while Carolina and Wash laughed at him. There was nothing but affection behind his words, though.

They finally arrived at the line for the roller coaster. The front half was full of queued people. The end was occupied by only three red soldiers.

“Lift those legs, maggots. Double time!”

“But, Sarge,” Grif whined as he jogged through the winding fences. “I’m on vacation.”

Simmons was a few turns farther along, cursing under his breath.

“Preparedness takes no vacations, Private. What would you do if we were suddenly attacked by unseen alien forces?”

“Honestly, sir,” Grif said through gasps, “I’d just bow down to my new alien overlords. They probably treat their army better than this.”

Sarge smacked Grif with a stick he was carrying like a shotgun. “Nonsense. You will lay down your life in the line of fire protecting your commanding officer. As it says in my report, er, will say. Now drop and give me twenty.”

The three of them gave Sarge a wide berth. Church was pretty sure Grif was crying. He hopped over the barrier to join Simmons as he walked back and forth along the path. “You okay?”

Simmons held his side and sucked in gulping breaths. “That man is deranged. He’s going to kill us. Kill Grif.”

They glanced over their shoulders. Wash patted Simmons’ shoulder. “I think I’ll go rescue him. I really don’t want to drag an unconscious Grif back to the ship. Save me a spot in line.”

Simmons moaned. “I am not going on that thing. I don’t care what Sarge does. I’ll take the court-martial. I don’t give a fuck. I’m done.” He slid under the fence and trudged to the nearest bench where he collapsed.

“Wow,” Church said. “Looks like Red team is falling apart.”

“It’s a nice change of pace,” Carolina said with a nod. The two of them continued to zig-zag along the path. Church smiled when Carolina started singing along with the song playing over the speakers lining the path. God, she was awful.

As they caught up with the tail end of the line, Church caught sight of a pink oxford shirt and ugly purple hoodie. “Hey, there’s the others,” he said with a sigh. “Finally.”

They annoyed quite a few people in line as they pushed through and hopped the fences to get to their friends. Doc and Donut waved, each holding an ice cream cone.

“Where the fu-” Tucker uncharacteristically stumbled over his words. He eyed a little old lady standing nearby and cleared his throat. “Heck. Where the heck have you been?”

“Long story,” Church said, absently. He counted the people with Tucker and came up one short. Church looked around. “Where’s Caboose?”

Tucker frowned. “I don’t know. I thought he was with you.”

Church’s real human heart stopped. His lungs refused to work. Shit. Shit. Shit. How could he let this happen? Caboose depended on him to keep him safe. And he failed.

Again.

Later, they’d go over the day, detail by detail, looking for those missed signs. Beating themselves up for not paying better attention. For not keeping a closer eye on Caboose. It will be one of those lessons they learned the hard way. Which, let’s face it, has been the majority of their lessons so far.

Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

Not A Dream (Finale)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine

Summary: You keep hearing voices from people who are not there.

Words: 1651

Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Swearing && sadness

A/N: WE MADE IT TO THE END GUYS what a journey

***gif not mine

Tags: @221bshrlocked @potterhead1265 @pawallday @shellymaesworld @titty-teetee @fucmeupfandoms @sarahp879 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @of-rin-and-carlile @ab-haya @jhangelface0523 @chameerah @myboyfriendgiriboy @buckysboobear @bornfortherainydays @katielu-blog @bbysaniii @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn

I sat on the couch, leaning into Sebastian's side as he flicked through the channels. I had been a nervous wreck for almost a week now after hearing the car in my head. The flash of light that came at me was terrifying, so realistic. I could've sworn that I was standing in the middle of the street but when I dropped to the floor, I was safe in my apartment.

"Hey love, wanna watch friends?"

I shrug. "Whatever you want."

I felt him shift in position so that most of myself was on his lap. "Baby, what's going on?"

I shrug, again, not sure what he meant. "What do you mean?"

He scoffs. "Since last week when you saw the bright light, it's like you're not the same person. Somethings wrong."

I nod, moving so I am facing him now. "Fucking right something's wrong. Sebastian, I saw a car driving at me inside our apartment. I heard tires squeal in my brain. I heard you talking to a doctor when you were go-"

Darling, I'm back. I just went to grab some coffee.

"What did you say?"

He furrowed his brow. "Uh, nothing. I was listening to you talk."

Remember that time when you got so nervous around Chris the first time that you spilled an entire cup of coffee on my crotch?

My heart jolted and I felt tears prick my eyes.

I really wish you would wake up, baby. I miss you so much.

I stood, running my hands through my tangled hair. "Jesus. I-I can't do this anymore."

Sebastian stood, slinking to my height and kissing my nose. "Baby, what's going on?"

I close my eyes. "The voice, it's in my head again."

"The doctor or mine?"

"Uh, yours."

Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, his smiled painfully. "Baby, you gotta know that I'm not talking. There is no doctor here."

I shot a anger glare in his direction. "I fucking know that! Jesus, you think I'm insane."

He shook his head a little too quickly. "I don't." When I rolled my eyes, his voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "I don't think you're insane."

Mr Stan. The doctors voice spoke now, fainter than his. It's been nearly three months.

"Three months?"

Sebastian's eyes looked confused, his lip curling. "Three months since what?"

"Shh." I closed my eyes trying to narrow in on the voice but they were gone. "Fuck." I focused in on Sebastian's face, watching his expressions change. My eyes went weird and he started to go fuzzy. I rubbed them but it didn't help. "Sebastian." My voice came out panicked and scared.

"What's wrong?"

"Sebastian, I can't see you. I-" then everything went black.

The only feeling I could comprehend was choking. I tried to breath but something was in the way, something blocking my throat. I tried to talk but my throat felt like sandpaper. Help me! Someone! No matter how much I yelled, nothing came out and no one came to my rescue. I mustered up all the breath I could and coughed, feeling the air spring around something cylinder like a tube. "(Y/N)?" Sebastian was at my side in two seconds flat. "NURSE! Jesus Christ, I need a nurse in here!"

I opened my eyes, his panicked blue ones staring down at me. The next thing I know, someone with brown hair is holding my down as I struggle to sit up while a petite blonde man starts pulling at the tube in my throat. I felt myself gagging, bile threatening to come up. When the tube was gone, I sucked in a breath of air as if my lungs had never been exposed to oxygen. My panting was long and deep, like a dog in the summertime. "Seb-" it came out as a hoarse whisper. 

He poured some water, placing his hand on the back of my neck, helping me swallowing the refreshing liquid. "It's okay, baby girl. I'm here."

I swallowed a few gulps and fell back against the pillow. "What's going on? Where am I?"

Sympathy fell on his face like a blanket and he kissed my forehead. "Baby, you're in the hospital."

I shook my head, but something was holding my neck still. "What's wrong with my neck?" Bringing a shaky hand to my neck, I felt a brace holding it in place. "Oh my god. Why is this here?" Tears swamped my eyes and streams traveled my cheeks. "Sebastian! Answer me."

He closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. He grasped my hand and kissed my palm. Just then, a familiar voice came in the room. "Mr Stan, it seems your wife as woken up."

Doctor? 

Sebastian's voice dropped to a whisper. "She doesn't remember the accident."

He shrugged. "It's to be expected in trauma patients." He stepped closer to me and smiled. "Mrs Stan, my name is Dr Crow." I tried to smile but my whole body shot suddenly with pain. "Mrs Stan, do you remember anything?"

I cleared my throat, speaking quietly. "I, uh. I remember waking up in my apartment but I-I, uh, didn't know who Seb-sebastian was." My head was fuzzy, pounding from the lack of oxygen. He nodded slowly, writing things down on a clipboard. "I didn't know anything or anyone."

Sebastian came close to me, kissing just above my eyebrow. "Honey, none of that happened."

The doctor pulled him aside. "Mr Stan, it's crucial we ease her into reality. It seems as if maybe your wife was experiencing a very vivid dream while unconscious." He smiled again, leaning against my bed. "Continue, please."

"He kept telling me that he was my husband but I didn't remember him. I didn't know why I was in New York or- something about my parents living away."

Sebastian licked his lips. "Doc, her parents have been dead for almost two years."

I felt a sob grow in my chest. "My parents are dead?" 

The doctor politely asked Sebastian to keep comments to either himself or quiet until I was finished. "Did you ever get your memories back?"

I nodded, best I could with the brace holding my neck in place. "Three days after I woke up, or whatever, I was getting really bad migraines. I kept waking up throughout the night, my head pounding until the final time I woke up, I remembered everything. The miscarriage, the cheating."

"Cheating? Miscarriage?" Sebastian's face shot back. "What?"

"You cheated on me."

He shook his head, worry filling his eyes. "Baby, I've never even looked at another woman."

I sighed, relief filling my soul. Your mind made that up, (Y/N). Your worse fear playing, bouncing around your silly little mind.

I asked Sebastian to help me sit up properly, drinking cold water through a straw. "Our marriage was falling apart. We were two ships just passing in the night." Sebastian kissed my hair and cocked his head to the side, listening. "It seemed to real."

The doctor nodded. "Mrs Stan. (Y/N), if I may. Three months ago, you were involved in a hit and run just outside of Brooklyn. You have suffered from a broken femur and fibula on the right leg. A broke tibia on the left leg, also a dislocation of the kneecap. Your clavicle has been shattered into four pieces, the humerus bone on the left arm is broken in two spots. When your body hit the ground, your cranium smashed on the pavement causing the comatose state. The mandible is fractured and the temporal bone is dented."

"Oh my god."

"All things considered, you've healed quite well."

"I was in a coma for three whole months?" I sighed, the sound shaky. "Sebastian. I heard you talking to me. Not at first but after a while, I heard you."

He smiled, a tear sliding down his cheek. "God, I missed you so much."

"I heard you asking, begging me to wake up." 

He kissed my forehead. "I'm so glad you woke up, (Y/N). I was going out of mind waiting for you."

"Doc, how long till a full recovery?"

He shifted his weight between feet. "That's a bit more ... complicated. You see, we didn't expect you to wake up, let alone this soon. Most patients with the kind of damage to their skeleton with a comatose state, very rarely regain consciousness left alone be able to remember their experiences and speak fluently."

"What do you mean remember their experiences?"

He nodded. "There has been cases where people in a coma, have experienced slight life changes. For instance, a woman roughly your age, went into a coma and was asleep for one full year. When she woke up, she explained to her husband, that she had met someone and married them in her 'dream'. She was very devastated when she woke up and realized that she wasn't, in fact, married to this man. Six months after she went home, she filed for divorce."

"Jesus." Sebastian cussed under his breath. "Did you marry another man?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't. We were still married but our marriage was on the rocks. Things were not good. We had a miscarriage, you turned to another woman and I threw myself into my work. I honestly, think that neither of us were truly happy." He closed his eyes, running a hand over his tired face. "It was so realistic that I can't tell what was fake was what is real. The way I feel right now, laying in this bed, feeling your hand on mine. The doctor speaking clearly to me, it seems to real but-"

"The dreams you may have experienced while in your state are going to feel very real. It will be difficult for you to determine what is real and what is dream for a while."

Sebastian looked down at me. "Baby, this is not a dream."

Writing Prompts - Hunter of Men

Preface: I have mentioned in my introduction post that some of my prompts are pieces of a larger story that I am constructing in my head. This is one such story. I would really appreciate feedback on this one, because I can’t decide if the idea is worth pursuing.  Also, I wrote this while working two horrific ER shifts, so it may be rough around the edges.

[WP] A serial killer stalks his prey -- a timid, vulnerable young woman. Unknown to him, she is a serial killer who lures her prey.

The day was unseasonably cold, right on the cusp of the change of seasons from summer to early fall, a teaser of what was to come. He chided her for not paying enough attention to the weather and neglecting to bring a jacket. But, he told himself, what should I expect from such an oblivious flip of a girl, texting more than watching her surroundings. 

He sat in his car, watching her type furiously on her phone, completely oblivious to the fact that she was being watched - no - stalked, as oblivious as she had been for the past few weeks as he followed her home from the hospital nightly, learning her routine. She should feel flattered, frankly, he thought as he traced the outline of her unremarkable figure, and unremarkable brown hair. She was unremarkable in every way, but he would change that, perhaps even tonight. 

She was standing just outside the ambulance bay doors, apparently on her last break before shift change, and her wrinkled brow implied it wasn’t going well. She looked up suddenly, back towards the bay doors as though someone had called her name. But then, just as suddenly, she turned and looked back out at the parking lot, eyes sweeping the parking lot until they met his own. He sucked in a breath, but her eyes continued scanning the lot, not lingering over-long on him. Good, he thought, she still hadn’t made him yet. It wouldn’t be long now. 

She punched a code on the keypad by the glass doors and she slipped back inside. He hadn’t been able to catch the numbers yet, despite his efforts she always seemed to be in the way. Besides, there was another keypad before the second entrance, and, likely, a different code entirely that he would never be able to see properly, so it was never going to be a feasible entrance anyway. Not that he could do much to her in the Emergency Department, other than visit her and maybe offer her flowers, like a real gentleman friend. Not that she deserved a true gentleman, with her wild whoring ways. 

He settled back into his seat, relaxing while he waiting for the last two hours of her shift to be over, so he could once again follow her home - or maybe to the grocery store, it had been a week since she’d been after all, and it had looked like she was running low on milk this morning. He smiled, thinking just how far they had come in their little “relationship” since the first time he had seen her all those weeks ago. He’d gotten a very nasty cut dealing with his last lady friend, and had gone to the ER seeking stitches and saying it had happened while preparing dinner. Beatrice, who inexplicably preferred to be called “Tris”, had been his perky little nurse, and as soon as he had laid eyes on her, he had known he had found his next lady friend. The polite chit-chat she had continued throughout his suturing process had allowed him to ask questions about her job (“How much longer are you here for, darling, you look like it’s been a long day?”)  and her life (“Do you have anybody waiting for you at home?”) that he could get away with while pretending he needed a distraction. That evening, he waited for hours until she went home for the day and followed her. He thought that perhaps a medical professional, particularly one who saw what happened to victims of violence, would have been more aware of her surroundings. He had thought she would present a challenge, but no, the little bitch was as simple as the rest of them. What a disappointment. But they had all turned out to be disappointments in the end. 

As he waited, he lost himself in the fantasies of how he would take her. He would wait until she had gone to bed and slip in through the sliding glass door she always kept unlocked on her back patio, stupid girl. He would lecture her on her carelessness while he tied her up and drove her back across town to his “facilities”, where he would punish her until she renounced her sins and accepted him as her true soul-mate. He would show her how a true gentleman treated a lady.

*******

Beatrice smirked to herself as she walked back inside the Emergency Department. She felt sure tonight would be the night, and she could barely contain her glee. She hummed to herself as she went back to her computer and badged in, noting the new orders on patients and making a mental list of what urgently needed her attention. Today she was in C-pod, the dumping ground of the ER that sometimes had sick patients, but mostly had little old ladies with broken hips or urinary tract infections, and the occasional arrhythmia. It had been a good day - she was working with her favorite Physician Assistant, Abigail, who ran a tight,efficient ship, even when shit hit the fan. It had been a rare day, where the flow of the ER was steady and not overwhelming, and most of the patients were nice, even if they were in pain. 

Abigail, perhaps sensing Tris’ mood, smiled knowingly as she approached the desk. “Were you out there talking to that boy again?” she asked. Tris laughed and shook her head. 

“What boy?”

“The one that has you in such a good mood.”

“How do you know it’s a boy?” Tris looked at her, trying to put on her best serious face. 

Abigail looked at her, knowingly. “It’s a boy.” 

Tris grinned again. “Yeah, it’s a boy.” Abigail nodded, sagely, and turned back to start dictating. “How did you know?”  Abigail looked at her and winked, tapping her head to signal she was telepathic. Tris smiled and rolled her eyes. If she only knew, she thought. 

The thought struck her then that, perhaps, Abigail did know. She’d always had trouble reading her, so maybe the woman had her own secrets to keep. Maybe she also guarded them closer than most, like Tris herself. She tried to think on that further, but her concentration slipped and she was back to fantasizing about tonight - unable to contain herself.  She went back over her order list, making an effort this time to remember what she was supposed to do before walking back to the supply room.

Blessedly, the last few hours of her 12 hour shift went smoothly and quickly, partially due to spending the time chatting with Abigail and her fellow RNs, and partially because the work was steady and routine, which is not always a guarantee in the Emergency Department. She clocked out and had to take a breath to calm herself before walking calmly to her car. Once inside, she locked her doors quickly, closed her eyes and took slow, centering breaths. “You can do this, Tris. Just play it cool and wait for him to make his move. It’s not like you haven’t done this before.” She murmured to herself, trying to focus on sensing him to help steady herself.  She sat that way for a few minutes, before she opened her eyes and started her car, putting on some up-beat music to suit her mood. 

She kept checking herself in her rearview mirror all the way home. 

********

He snapped back to attention upon seeing Tris start towards her car. He waited until she had shut her door before starting his own, ensuring he wouldn’t draw her attention . Tris worked mid-shifts and, as a result, often walked to her car alone at night, making her an easy target, but also making anyone following her more noticable. He pulled out behind her on the highway, his excitement growing as they neared her home. She lived alone in a small house on the outskirts of town, where the houses were spaced out and no one would hear any commotion she might cause as he introduced himself. He felt himself harden as he imagined her screams, then tried to push it away. 

“Not so fast, friend. We need to slow down and enjoy it.”  He muttered to himself, putting more distance between their cars, so as not to draw attention. “You’re always going so fast.”

And fast, he thought, was part of the problem. In the cop shows they would call this “escalating”. His last girl was only a month ago, another petite, young thing with nothing but air in her head. The one before her had satisfied him for six months, and the one before that even longer. Perhaps he just wasn’t choosing quality specimens anymore? He pondered that, but decided self reflection could wait until after he satisfied himself with Beatrice. 

He parked his car two streets over, at a house that was listed for sale and had been empty as long as he had been with Tris. He made his way between the neighboring houses, until he could see her backyard. She was calling in her dog, still in her work clothes and chatting on her phone. He smiled to himself. Yes, he thought, tonight would be the night. He couldn't stand waiting any longer. 

Cautiously, he moved to the side of the house, crouching beside the air conditioning unit, which was rattling noisily, despite the chill. From here, he could easily see through her curtains and into her bedroom. She was heading into her bathroom, likely to turn on the shower, still chatting away on her cell phone. He settled in, knowing her evening routine would progress from bathing to eating and then finally to bed. 

He relaxed and let his mind wander to his last victim - Josie, had been her name. She was a young barista that was just begging for it from the moment he had laid eyes on her. It only took him one night to see just how much she needed him to help her. He thought about how she had fucked that boy from the bar, the first night he’d come home with her and it made his blood boil, so much it started giving him a dull headache. He remembered how she’d come to recognize him as he made regular visits to the coffee shop, and even had come to laugh at his jokes. And then, how she had rejected him when he’d asked her to dinner. That stranger in a bar had meant more to her than him - after he took so much time to get to know her. But then, the sweet release he had felt when he slit her throat, and her hot blood poured over his hands. But no, that was making the headache worse. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, to relieve the pain, and when he opened them, to his surprise, Beatrice was in her pajamas, and getting into bed. He blinked and checked his watch, shocked to see he had lost an hour of time.  

He waited for 30 minutes, until he was sure she was asleep, and crept around behind the house to the sliding door he knew would be opened. He entered, immediately looking for the dog, but it was nowhere to be seen. He crept carefully across the mud room and into the kitchen. 

“Well, it’s about time you showed up, Handsome.” 

The lights flipped on as he stumbled backwards, heart racing, and he fell against the wall. To his horror, Beatrice was sitting at the kitchen island, legs crossed, sipping on a glass of what appeared to be soda. She cocked her head to the side, a slow, victorious smile spreading across her lips. He stared, mind reeling to make sense of the scene before him. She was here, dressed in her work clothes, expecting him. But he had just seen her get into bed, in pajamas - hadn’t he? He tried to move, but his limbs felt heavy and the light was making his head throb.

“It’s amazing what you can make people believe when they want something badly enough.” She swirled the ice around in her glass as she spoke, watching it tumble. “It’s amazing how easily you fell into my trap. Honestly,  I expected it to be harder, but I suppose I overestimated you.” She scoffed. “Or underestimated myself. I suppose that could go either way.” 

Fear gripped his chest as he realized, with blossoming horror, that she had planned everything. His head was now hurting so badly it was disorienting and he seemed to have lost control of his limbs. He willed his legs to move, to run, but he was frozen in place. Have I had a stroke? He thought. 

Tris flicked her eyes up to meet his, suddenly all business. Were her eyes always that blue? They looked almost unnatural. No, he decided, something had changed. In fact, her entire demeanor seemed changed. She sat her glass on the island and moved towards him, a predator toying with her prey. A mischievous smile played at the corners of her mouth as she knelt in front of him, so close he could touch her if he could just get his limbs to obey. She was just a girl, he could still overpower her - this could still work - if only he could will himself to move, to lunge at her. But, he couldn’t - he was mesmerized. 

“Before you go hunting, you should always be sure you’re not the prey.” She purred, running a finger down his cheek. 

“Did you drug me?” He croaked, his voice barely sounding like his own. 

She scoffed. “Nothing so mundane, my dear.” 

She tapped her index finger to the middle of his forehead, and memories whirled to the surface, dizzying in their speed and clarity. Josie in her cute barista outfit. Josie fucking the man from the bar. Josie struggling against his hands as he slit her perfect throat. He heard himself groan as every emotion flooded him - arousal, betrayal, and rage. And then he heard her voice again as she leaned in and whispered, lips brushing his ear, “And now, I’m going to give you the gift of empathy.”

He was trapped in the memory of Josie’s last moments, but suddenly his perspective was not his own, but of hers. Horror and terror rushed through him, in a way he had never before experienced. Somehow he was experiencing her torture and death as though it was his own. He began to struggle in earnest then, willing his body to move - to run, but he was being held in place. This girl, this thing that was holding him was not human. He had to escape. He reeled against the memories forced into his head, but that only made his headache worse. 

“Oh come on now, darling.” Contempt dripping from her voice. “‘You may as well enjoy it, because it’s going to be your last.’”, he heard himself tell not just Josie but all of the girls before her. The terror and rage and despair of everyone ripping through his mind. He felt his grip on reality slipping as his mind was forced into dozens of different perspectives all at once, his entire body tightening and convulsing. Every torture he had ever performed was being performed on him now. He could feel every broken bone, every tear, every cut - and he heard himself screaming. It lasted an eternity, and yet it lasted only a moment. 

Then, as suddenly as it began, it shifted again. He was outside of himself - seeing himself through Tris’ eyes. His body lay on the floor, blank eyes staring up at nothing, twitching at intervals and muttering to himself. But he was also on the bar stool, sitting across from Tris, who was watching him with some amusement. 

“This is what I do, you see. And I’m very, very good at what I do.  Not many people realize that there are telepaths that move among them, much less telepaths of significant power. As it turns out, when I see into the horrors of the mind and find a true monster - I just can’t help myself. I have to avenge them - the ones whose voices you took away. But death is too good for you all. I can’t just cut you up and dump you into a river. You people can’t really feel fear and regret, unless I make you.” She was leaning forward now, eyes hot with rage. “So I make you feel what you made all of them feel. I make you feel it until you rip your own mind apart. And then I leave you, a sniveling, convulsing ruin of a creature - and you will feel them for the rest of your worthless, miserable life.” She spat the words at him, eyes burning with fury beyond anything he could have thought possible. “Now, look at yourself one last time and say goodbye.” 

“Please.” He started, but she silenced him with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“There is nothing you can say that would have me spare you, so don’t waste the precious few neurons you have left trying.” Her blue eyes flashed, and he was falling back into a hell of his own creation. He reached for her and she took his hand, just for a moment, and smiled. “Hell hath no Fury greater than me.” She released his hand and he felt himself falling. He was falling off of the staircase that he pushed Cassandra down, feeling every bone in his body break. He was falling and his own knives sliced and tore at his skin on the way down. He felt his mind give way and the terror flood through him, as all of his own cruelty came down on him as a wave. 

****

Beatrice saw when his mind finally broke, and smiled to herself, checking the clock on the stove. The entire process had taken less than ten minutes. She was getting better. 

“Stand up, please.” She told the shell that had once been a monster, in a calm, measured voice. The husk stood, obediently, looking blankly ahead. “Do you remember your name?” 

“No.” It shook its head, blinking slowly. 

“Do you know what you want to do now?” 

“No.” 

“Well, I think you should get back in the car, drive as far as you can, and then start walking. I think you should walk and wander until your body breaks down and you finally die. And I think that whenever you come across a woman that would have once attracted your fancy, you will feel utter and complete terror, the likes of which you once made them feel. Do you understand?”

The husk nodded.

“Good. Now go.” 

The thing that had once been a monster turned and did exactly as it was told.

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this

Go to your Goodreads to-read shelf.

Order on ascending date added.

Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books

Read the synopsis of the books

Decide: keep it or should it go?

  Trial by Fire (Worldwalker #1) by Josephine Angelini

The exhilaratingly seductive new series from the author of the bestselling Starcrossed series

Love burns. Worlds collide. Magic reigns.

This world is trying to kill Lily Proctor. Her life-threatening allergies keep her from enjoying many of the experiences that other teenagers take for granted… which is why she is determined to enjoy her first (and perhaps only) high-school party. But Lily’s life never goes according to plan, and after a humiliating incident in front of half her graduating class Lily wishes she could just disappear.

Suddenly Lily is in a different Salem – one overrun with horrifying creatures and ruled by powerful women called Crucibles. Strongest and cruellest of all the Crucibles is Lillian… Lily’s identical other self in this alternate universe. This new version of her world is terrifyingly sensual, and Lily is soon overwhelmed by new experiences.

Lily realizes that what makes her weak at home is exactly what makes her extraordinary in New Salem. It also puts her life in danger. Thrown into a world she doesn’t understand, Lily is torn between responsibilities she can’t hope to shoulder alone, and a love she never expected.

But how can Lily be the saviour of this world when she is literally her own worst enemy?

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This one is actually on my bookshelf. I think it looks super interesting.

♥ ♥ ♥

King of the Stars (Starcross Series Book 1) by Elle Michaels

With the galaxy in upheaval, its future rests in the hands of a usurped warrior king and the farm girl that appears in his dreams.

Vi Junrah has never left her home planet. She spends nights staring into the stars, feeling as though she belongs among them, despite the Ansuli people being a humble, unassuming race. She’s always felt different, taller, paler, questioning, and alone. When a spaceship crash lands in the plains during the harvest festival, Vi’s curiosity gets the better of her. A brawny alien man lumbers out and sweeps her into space…for better or worse.

Orin Tarrastone spends restless nights toiling over haunting dreams of a beautiful woman appearing in darkness, a woman he can never reach. When his father, the galactic king, dies at the hands of an invading rebel army, Orin is forced into exile. After blacking out at the controls of his ship, he awakens to find the dream girl on a planet at the edge of the galaxy. Facing few options, and finding their mysterious meeting serendipitous, he steals her in hopes that she holds the key to a triumphant return to the throne.

The two attempt to unravel the mysteries of both their pasts while fate seemingly entwines their futures. Against the backdrop of galactic chaos, interstellar empires, invading rebels, pirates, and outlaws, Orin and Vi find themselves inexplicably drawn together facing it all.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I’m 100% judging a book by its cover and rating here, but this just does not appeal to me anymore.

♥ ♥ ♥

Half-Blood (Covenant #1) by Jennifer L. Armentrout

The Hematoi descend from the unions of gods and mortals, and the children of two Hematoi pure bloods have godlike powers. Children of Hematoi and mortals–well, not so much. Half-bloods only have two options: become trained Sentinels who hunt and kill daimons or become servants in the homes of the pures.

Seventeen-year-old Alexandria would rather risk her life fighting than waste it scrubbing toilets, but she may end up slumming it anyway. There are several rules that students at the Covenant must follow. Alex has problems with them all, but especially rule #1:Relationships between pures and halfs are forbidden. Unfortunately, she’s crushing hard on the totally hot pure-blood Aiden. But falling for Aiden isn’t her biggest problem–staying alive long enough to graduate the Covenant and become a Sentinel is.

If she fails in her duty, she faces a future worse than death or slavery: being turned into a daimon, and being hunted by Aiden. And that would kind of suck.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I really need to give this author another chance. I didn’t love the first book in her Lux series, but she’s so popular and this seems to be a pretty popular book.

♥ ♥ ♥

Silver Shadows (Bloodlines #5) by Richelle Mead

Sydney Sage is an Alchemist, one of a group of humans who dabble in magic and serve to bridge the worlds of humans and vampires. They protect vampire secrets—and human lives.

In The Fiery Heart, Sydney risked everything to follow her gut, walking a dangerous line to keep her feelings hidden from the Alchemists.

Now in the aftermath of an event that ripped their world apart, Sydney and Adrian struggle to pick up the pieces and find their way back to each other. But first, they have to survive.

For Sydney, trapped and surrounded by adversaries, life becomes a daily struggle to hold on to her identity and the memories of those she loves. Meanwhile, Adrian clings to hope in the face of those who tell him Sydney is a lost cause, but the battle proves daunting as old demons and new temptations begin to seize hold of him. . . .

Their worst fears now a chilling reality, Sydney and Adrian face their darkest hour in this heart-pounding fifth installment in the New York Times bestselling Bloodlines series, where all bets are off.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I’m not saying I will never read another book in this series, I’m just saying I won’t read it right now… but I probably won’t finish this series lol

♥ ♥ ♥

The Ruby Circle (Bloodlines #6) by Richelle Mead

THEY WILL BE TESTED

Sydney Sage is an Alchemist, one of a group of humans who dabble in magic and serve to bridge the worlds of humans and vampires. They protect vampire secrets – and human lives.

Their forbidden romance exposed, Sydney and Adrian find themselves facing the wrath of both the Alchemists and the Moroi in this electrifying conclusion to Richelle Mead’s bestselling Bloodlines series.

When the life of someone they both love is put on the line, Sydney risks everything to hunt down a deadly former nemesis. Meanwhile, she and Adrian becomes enmeshed in a puzzle that could hold the key to a shocking secret about spirit magic, a secret that could shake the entire Moroi world and alter their lives forever.

Don’t miss their unforgettable final chapter…

LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: ” ”

♥ ♥ ♥

Night of Cake & Puppets (Daughter of Smoke & Bone #2.5) by Laini Taylor

In this stand-alone companion to the New York Times bestselling Daughter of Smoke & Bone series comes the story of Mik and Zuzana’s fantastical first date—as a gorgeously illustrated gift edition with bonus content included.

Petite though she may be, Zuzana is not known for timidity. Her best friend, Karou, calls her “rabid fairy,” her “voodoo eyes” are said to freeze blood, and even her older brother fears her wrath. But when it comes to the simple matter of talking to Mik, or “Violin Boy,” her courage deserts her. Now, enough is enough. Zuzana is determined to make the first move, and she has a fistful of magic and a plan. It’s a wonderfully elaborate treasure hunt of a plan that will take Mik all over Prague on a cold winter’s night before leading him to the treasure: herself! Violin Boy is not going to know what hit him.

New York Times bestselling author Laini Taylor brings to life a night only hinted at in the Daughter of Smoke & Bone trilogy—the magical first date of fan-favorites Zuzana and Mik. Originally published as an ebook, this new print edition will include breathtaking black and white illustrations, plus bonus content in a gorgeous package perfect for new and current fans of the series.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch?  Keep Comments: I will absolutely read this one! I love this series!

♥ ♥ ♥

The Lost Prince (The Iron Fey: Call of the Forgotten #1) by Julie Kagawa

Don’t look at Them. Never let Them know you can see Them.

That is Ethan Chase’s unbreakable rule. Until the fey he avoids at all costs—including his reputation—begin to disappear, and Ethan is attacked. Now he must change the rules to protect his family. To save a girl he never thought he’d dare to fall for.

Ethan thought he had protected himself from his older sister’s world—the land of Faery. His previous time in the Iron Realm left him with nothing but fear and disgust for the world Meghan Chase has made her home, a land of myth and talking cats, of magic and seductive enemies. But when destiny comes for Ethan, there is no escape from a danger long, long forgotten.

My name is Ethan Chase. And I may not live to see my eighteenth birthday.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: What I’m realizing here is that I’m heavily influenced by high ratings from a lot of people. This is one of those books, so on my TBR it stays.

♥ ♥ ♥

Stay by Deb Caletti

Clara’s relationship with Christian is intense from the start, and like nothing she’s ever experienced before. But what starts as devotion quickly becomes obsession, and it’s almost too late before Clara realizes how far gone Christian is and what he’s willing to do to make her stay.

Now Clara has left the city and Christian behind. No one back home has any idea where she is, but she still struggles to shake off her fear. She knows Christian won’t let her go that easily, and that no matter how far she runs, it may not be far enough….

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I don’t even have to read the synopsis. Yes. It is my mission to read all of Deb Caletti’s books.

♥ ♥ ♥

Honey, Baby, Sweetheart by Deb Caletti

Right away I got that Something About To Happen feeling. Right away I knew he was bad, and that it didn’t matter.

It is summer in the Northwest town of Nine Mile Falls, and sixteen-year-old Ruby McQueen, ordinarily dubbed The Quiet Girl, finds herself hanging out with gorgeous, rich, thrill-seeking Travis Becker. But Ruby is in over her head, and finds she is risking more and more when she’s with him.

In an effort to keep Ruby occupied, Ruby’s mother Ann drags Ruby to the weekly book club she runs. When it is discovered that one of the group”s own members is the subject of the tragic love story they are reading, Ann and Ruby spearhead a reunion between the long-ago lovers. But for Ruby, this mission turns out to be much more than just a road trip….

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: ” ”

♥ ♥ ♥

The Story of Us by Deb Caletti

Cricket’s on a self-imposed break from her longtime boyfriend—but she’s picked a bad week to sort out her love life. For one thing, her mother’s romance is taking center stage: After jilting two previous fiancés, her mom is finally marrying Dan Jax, whom Cricket loves. But as wedding attendees arrive for a week of festivities at a guesthouse whose hippie owners have a sweet, sexy son—Ash—complications arise: Cricket’s future stepsisters make it clear they’re not happy about the marriage. An old friend decides this is the week to declare his love for Cricket. Grandpa chooses to reveal a big secret at a family gathering. Dan’s ex-wife shows up. And even the dogs—Cricket’s old, ill Jupiter and Dan’s young, lively Cruiser—seem to be declaring war.

While Cricket fears that Dan is in danger of becoming ditched husband-to-be number three, she’s also alarmed by her own desires. Because even though her boyfriend looms large in her mind, Ash is right in front of her….

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: ” ”

♥ ♥ ♥

Here are the stats

Starting Total TBR Count: 2041 Updated Total TBR Count: 2038 Total Ditched Today: 3 Total Kept Today: 7

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

News

The “request has been rejected,” came response from the CIA, “with the agency stating that it can neither confirm nor deny the existence of the requested documents.” A tech writer petitioned ‘the agency’ to see what it had on the subject of Satoshi Nakamoto, the name credited with founding Bitcoin, the world’s first decentralized cryptocurrency. There have been legendarily famous attempts to unmask the real person, only to find more paradox, more confusion, more wild theories. At least two online journalists believe a definitive answer just might be had through US intelligence agencies. The evidence borders on compelling and infuriating.

Also read: Star Trek Icon Joins Bitcoin Mining Revolution

Satoshi Nakamoto’s Real Identity is Probably Known by US Intelligence Agencies

It’s not often a journalist in the financial technology genre has cause to contact the United States Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), but this week proved reason enough. Keeping normal business hours, the CIA’s Office of Public Affairs, Washington, D.C. 20505 (really Vienna, VA) was evidently swamped. Three calls placed to (703) 482-0623, along with one voicemail message on the final attempt, were not returned as of publication.

Inspiration to do so came from Daniel Oberhaus, staff writer at Motherboard. In an effort to follow up on work done by bloggers and investigative journalists on the tantalizing issue of Satoshi Nakamoto’s identity, Mr. Oberhaus explained, “While recently filing some unrelated [Freedom of Information Act] FOIA requests of my own, I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask some other three-letter agencies what they know about Nakamoto.”

It’s a delicate game, FOIA requests. Agencies are keen to dismiss a request out of hand, citing vagueness, ill-prepared request documents, standing, and the perennial go to: national security. The fragility is in having spy agencies at all, for citizens’ own good is the claim, and the modern movement to make coercive government doings more transparent.

Mr. Oberhaus continued, “I decided to start broad and request all internal emails containing Satoshi Nakamoto’s name from the FBI and CIA. Agencies generally ask for these sorts of requests to be narrowed down with information you’re unlikely to have in advance, but sometimes they’ll just dump a trove of emails on your plate and say good luck.” Instead, the CIA emailed him a response, short and to the point, complete with obnoxious bureaucrat grammar of referring to itself in the third person. The “request has been rejected, with the agency stating that it can neither confirm nor deny the existence of the requested documents,” the CIA stated flatly.

Glomar

The CIA’s non denial-denial to Mr. Oberhaus is a classic tactic designed to be a true statement without giving away root facts. It’s known as the Glomar Response, ‘Glomar’ being the abbreviation for Global Marine, a company used by the agency to build a ship capable of salvaging downed Soviet-era subs back in the mid 1970s. The now famously canned statement was employed after a journalist filed a FOIA concerning the CIA ship for Soviet subs project.

And that paranoia extends to the present day. Blogger Alexander Muse, a contributor to Medium, wrote a series of posts (3) last year related to his attempt at uncovering Satoshi’s true identity. Mr. Muse writes about a whole host of subjects, from gourmet cooking to tech startups. His professional experience does involve tech, and he has what seems to be at least a passing interest in bitcoin. He was sucked down the rabbit hole when he learned a contact he had at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) claimed to have inside information.

“According to my source,” Mr. Muse explained, “the NSA was able to the use the ‘writer invariant’ method of stylometry to compare Satoshi’s ‘known’ writings with trillions of writing samples from people across the globe. By taking Satoshi’s texts and finding the 50 most common words, the NSA was able to break down his text into 5,000 word chunks and analyse each to find the frequency of those 50 words.This would result in a unique 50-number identifier for each chunk. The NSA then placed each of these numbers into a 50-dimensional space and flatten them into a plane using principal components analysis. The result is a ‘fingerprint’ for anything written by Satoshi that could easily be compared to any other writing.”

His true identity is of utmost importance to the US government precisely because, especially as the price began to rise, so many people were relying on it. The problem, before even the tech could be evaluated on its own merit, was the principal DHS worry: a foreign creator. If bitcoin can do all it claims for itself, disrupting financial markets, a country hostile to the US could quickly start that ball rolling and worse. “Why go to so much trouble to identify Satoshi?” he asked rhetorically. “My source tells me that the Obama administration was concerned that Satoshi was an agent of Russia or China — that Bitcoin might be weaponized against us in the future. Knowing the source would help the administration understand their motives. As far as I can tell Satoshi hasn’t violated any laws and I have no idea if the NSA determined he was an agent of Russia or China or just a Japanese crypto hacker.”

Mr. Muse was ultimately unable to get just who Satoshi is. Instead he was left with the conclusion DHS does know, and that bitcoin’s first billionaire was probably a collection of folks. For his effort he was personally contacted by DHS and asked to submit to an interview. He did, noting that he was unable to publish just what he discussed with DHS, but he could say their contacting him was due to his Satoshi’s Medium posts. “I’ve had to stop taking phone calls or accepting voicemail messages,” Mr. Muse concludes. “My email is almost unusable with more than 10,000 unread messages at last count. The only way to contact me now is via text — and it is likely I’m going to have to change my number fairly soon. I still don’t know who Satoshi Nakamoto really is — but I believe the NSA does.”

Is Satoshi’s identity known by US intelligence agencies? Let us know in the comments. 

Images via the Pixabay.

Verify and track bitcoin cash transactions on our BCH Block Explorer, the best of its kind anywhere in the world. Also, keep up with your holdings, BCH and other coins, on our market charts at Satoshi Pulse, another original and free service from Bitcoin.com.

12 Things to Do For Earth Day and Every Day!

Tomorrow is Earth Day and the theme this year is Ending Plastic Pollution.  while I love the idea of celebrating, what I love even more is making every day Earth Day.  We all should try to develop new habits that are kind to the planet.  So here are 10 simple ideas that can be done almost every day!

Use a refillable water bottle

The mantra is reduce, reuse and recycle.  Just because you're recycling, doesn't make plastic water bottles any better.  It takes over 1.5 million barrels of oil to manufacture all of those bottles each year and still over two million tons of water bottles end up in the landfills.  Aside from that, plastic bottles have chemical additives that are hormone disruptors and have estrogenic effects on our bodies.  These have been linked to reproductive disorders, cancer, infertility and early menopause.  Even the BPA free bottles aren't safe.  No plastic bottles are because we don't know what chemicals are in the plastic.  The hormone disrupting chemicals leach from all plastics.  It's better to use stainless steel or glass water bottles.

Buy Reusable Shopping Bags

Statistics show that Americans use 100 billion plastic bags a year and the production of those bags requires about 12 million barrels of oil.  If we want to stop being so dependent on oil, it seems that not using plastic bags is a good start.  They take up space in landfills and cause problems for marine wildlife.  Did you know that Target gives away enough plastic bags every year to wrap around the earth 7 times...how frightening!  Also, statistics show that only 1 percent of plastic bags are recycled and that 100,000 marine animals are killed by plastic bags.  Buy some fabulous resuable bags and you'll be stylish and eco friendly.  After all, plastics bags don't make much of a fashion statement!

Get Your Produce From a Local Farmer's Market

Buying from a local farmer's market supports local families and helps the earth at the same time.  Food in the grocery stores travels on average, 1500 miles to get to you.  The shipping causes pollution and increases fossil fuel consumption and carbon emissions.  Local food travels much shorter distances and is fresher and therefore better for you.  Local food also preserves genetic diversity.  Modern agricultural systems choose plant varieties because of their ability to ripen at the same time and withstand the harvesting equipment so there is not much diversity in the plants that are grown.  Local farmers grow a much larger variety of plants that not only are more beautiful, but they have much more flavor and for the most part are not genetically modified.  It's so important to support local farmers because you are helping to ensure that the farms stay in your community and that future generations will have access to healthy and abundant food.

Unsubscribe to Catalogs

Over 100 million trees are cut down each year to produce junk mail and this includes catalogs.  Most catalogs end up in the trash or recycling bin anyway.  In just 5 days, we produce enough junk mail to reach the moon and junk mail produces 1 billion pounds of paper going into landfills.  You can sign up for the free opt-out service at catalogchoice.org and have your name taken off the mailing lists for all of that unwanted mail.

Speak Up

If you're passionate about the environment, write an email to your local representative and share your thoughts.  You can go to this website to find contact information for your local representatives.  You can also start or sign a petition for something you'd like to see changed.  You can go to Change.org or Earthday.org to start the process.  The more informed people are, the greater the chances that things will change.

Spend Time Outside

There is no better way to appreciate the earth than to go outside and experience the wonder of it!.  Go outside, absorb some Vitamin D and nourish your soul!  Earth Day is a reminder that our planet is beautiful and an awesome place to be, so take advantage of it!  Throw an Earth Day Party, Pack a picnic, go for a walk or just sit outside in a local park and enjoy the beauty of nature.

Compost

Composting is easier than you think and so many things can be composted.  Americans generate about 201 million tons of trash each year.  Most of it goes into landfills.  Composting can cut back on the amount of waste that goes into landfills and can actually benefit the environment as a natural fertilizer for gardening and farming.  Even if you don't have a garden, you can still compost by keeping a compost collector in your kitchen and donate your compost to a local farm or use it in your potted plants.  We have woods next to our house and I put my compost in the woods.  

Have a Home Energy Audit

An auditing company can tell you exactly what steps you need to take in order to tighten up your energy efficiency,  Things such as sealing windows and unplugging appliances and phone chargers can make a difference

Plant a Tree

This might sound like the ultimate cliche, but it's one of the most important gifts we can give to the planet.  Global warming is caused by a buildup of greenhouse gasses in our atmosphere, which trap heat on the planet.  Trees have the ability to suck up carbon dioxide, which is why forests are so important.  If every person on the planet plants one tree, that amounts to nearly 7 billion new carbon sponges.

Volunteer

Get a group together or join one that is already organized to pick up trash, clean up a local park or volunteer to read books about the earth to educate school children about how to take care of the planet!

Choose to Eat Vegetarian One Day A Week

If you're not already vegan or vegetarian, cutting out meat just one day a week can have an impact on the health of the planet.  The beef industry and the pesticides used in it are major contributors to greenhouse gas emissions.  Try eating a delicious vegetarian meal every Monday...you probably won't even miss the meat and might decide to do it more often than once a week!  One of my favorite vegetarian cookbooks is A Year In A Vegetarian Kitchen by Jack Bishop.

This Hummus and Greens Veggie Bowl is on of my favorite easy vegetarian meals.

Build Community

Life is worth celebrating!  Just the fact that we are here on this planet is a miracle.  Why not use earth day to celebrate by spending time with other like minded people in your community.  Have a picnic using biodegradable plates and silverware, cook some wholesome food from the local farmers market and spend time quality time having fun!  Being part of a community is an important aspect of eco-conscious living.

Every day on Crazy Blonde Life, it is my goal to nurture and empower everyone that reads my posts to live their best lives!  I think that taking care of the environment is part of living a life of passion and purpose!  I hope you've found this helpful and interesting.

What will you do to celebrate Earth Day and do have ideas to add to this list?