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bluexiao · 1 year

Text

#just a little something for the pain (period comfort)

–how they respond to you with your monthly period and take care of you

CHARACTERS. Albedo, Al-Haitham, Ayato, Cyno, Gorou, Kaveh, Kazuha, Scaramouche/Wanderer, Tighnari, Xiao, Zhongli; she/her! Reader (who experiences periods)

THEMES. fluff, domestic, crack on a few

WARNINGS. talks about period, blood, etc. very obvious, i believe; also uses she/her pronouns

NOTES. lowkey love zhongli’s part.

ZHONGLI has a calendar to predict when you may have your monthly periods and even has stacked up tea leaves or something that he knows would be able to calm you down before your mood can worsen or fluctuate into something negative. He’d accompany that along with comforting kisses or hugs if you ask for them, or if he instinctively feels like you do–you can be quite pouty and look up at him expectantly whenever you do, so he does look out for those times.

“Hm? Is my beloved asking for kisses?” At times, he couldn’t help but tease you, but it’s purely because of his adoration, “not to worry, I shall fulfill all of my beloved’s wishes.”

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

XIAO has brief knowledge about the topic but more so what to do when the time comes–he was not one to dwell with the mortals before, after all, but seeing as you are one, now is a new change of pace. It was not too long when Verr Goldet approached him to hand you over a couple of things he sure is not familiar with; “What are… these?” “To help Y/n, trust me, she’ll know what to do. Just be there to comfort her.”

In time, he eventually became more aware of the things you’d need and the routine you mostly stick with–which mostly consists of lying down, craving for food, eating based on your cravings, sleeping, and repeat. You can work whenever you can, but sometimes, the pain does hinder you to be as productive as you usually are. He does not judge you for it, actually, he’s the one who insists you rest more every time your monthly period comes.

“Xiao, I can stand up and get it on my own, you know-”

“And I can as well. You must not tire yourself any further, I can hand you over what you need.” he sends you a look when you were about to say something, “No buts.”

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

You’ll notice that TIGHNARI is jotting down notes in his little notebook–it’s a secret, but it’s actually a notebook specifically for you… and the things you both do, or what he can do for you. And he actually does give you the care you need before you ask for them–this is only after interviewing you the first time around when you two were still new lovers–actually, he did begin a couple of observations back then, whenever something seems… different with you. He only knew it was because of your period when you yourself complained about it to Collei.

Now though, you’re even more comfortable complaining to him, and he’d hand you over a herbal tea or drink that would help ease the pain.

He might just even let you pet his ears and cuddle with his tail if you ask for it, sure. But be ready with his arms and tail wrapped around you so snuggly, you won’t be able to get up anytime soon.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

“You what-? Why the hell are you bleeding?!” SCARAMOUCHE, at first, did not even know it existed, however, after a little… patience whilst explaining the whole situation, he’d mutter a “Humans are very fragile,” with a scoff. Yet he gets considerably extra soft whenever you are on your period; bringing you over sweets or your favorite snacks whenever he goes out, making sure your necessities are stacked up, and a handful more.

“So you won’t whine over them,” he’d say, but he lets you cuddle with him when you ask for it, a hand over your tummy or pelvis, sometimes even asking “Is this where the pain is?” with a soft tone, whispering right next to your ear as he tries to massage them ever so gently.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

KAZUHA with his extreme care and patience. He’s definitely one of the bests to be with at this time of the month. He’d be the one initiating cuddles with you, or for you to rest on his lap as he whistles with a leaf or recites poems he had made for you while he was away. His voice is so calming that sometimes you’ll soon find yourself falling asleep; by the time you wake, he will still be there with you, taking your hand to his and kissing its back as he smiles at you warmly “Had a good rest, dove?”. Sometimes, he’d take you home since it was already approaching nighttime, but sometimes, you will find him also drifted off to sleep. At times like these do you realize—or is reminded of how pretty your lover really is.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

KAVEH can be quite forgetful… most of the time. He’ll only know that you have a period the moment your mood actually fluctuates and you’re annoyed at him when he jokingly says “What? Are you in that time of the month-Oh… you are? Oh.”

He’d be frantic and would probably even take a break from his work just to be with you–it’s to make up for forgetting about it, he’d say, and that “You know I’ll do anything for you,” rather dramatically. So yes, whatever you ask, he’ll come to get it for you. He’s such a people pleaser–actually, more like Y/n pleaser?

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

GOROU knows. Your body is significantly warmer than before and he can smell the faint scent of blood due to his naturally heightened senses.

Whenever this happens, he’ll be extra careful about what he says or do, in particular, asking you occasionally if you are in need of something–food, drinks, you name it! He can even bring you to Ritou if you say so, but he’ll be slightly worried that you would be exhausted before you can even go there. So he does have a habit of asking you if you want him to carry you–he’s really strong, you know?! Why are you always denying his suggestion, anyway? He’s the General for a reason, after all!

His ears would droop down every time you reject him, and you always end up trying to cheer him up instead–which is not that hard as anything you do can fluster or make him happy anyway.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

CYNO’s knowledge of menstruation is only limited to just that. Knowledge. He never actually dealt with it personally as it was just a passing subject he had encountered in one of his studies back in his days at the Akademiya as a student. But he does remember most of the facts about them… and would use it as a joke one time when he didn’t know what to say or do when all you asked was to cuddle with him. You only turned to stare at him a couple of seconds before giggling–“Was that… funny?” “Hm… maybe!”—even if it wasn’t funny, looking at him and seeing that blank expression on his face makes it funny. But you don’t really have the heart to tell him it wasn’t his jokes that made you laugh… so you just let him think otherwise.

Later on, you found yourself stuck in a predicament where he tries to tell you jokes–to help distract you from the pain, mostly, but he guesses it’s working because you do giggle most of the time.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

AYATO, despite his busy schedule, does take care of you personally, and if he couldn’t he’ll ask either his sister or trusted retainer to do so in his stead–which is rare, only when he’s in an emergency meeting or when an unexpected schedule drags him out of your arms. At the end of the day, however, he makes sure that he will come home as soon as he could and ask you how your day has been and would promise to spend the next day with you even more.

Actually, he’s also like this even without your monthly period, but you can still sense the immense amount of patience and gentleness from him at these times, even if you weren’t in the mood to even talk to him or are annoyed at every little thing. He’d give you space when you need, it but is there if you’d ask for him or anything else.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

AL-HAITHAM also knows your schedule like the back of his hand. Despite being so calm and very collected, sometimes cold, you’ll just know he cares very deeply because he actually takes care of you at this time of the month. He does have a habit of telling you quite useful facts about menstruation though. Well, most of the time, you just let him ramble off on his own because you like listening to his voice even if the things he says are quite boring.

“Are you even listening?” he’d chuckle to himself, “I know you’re pretending to sleep just to not answer my question, you know.”

Despite this, he presses a soft kiss on your forehead and lets you lie down while he reads his book aloud–a new topic you didn’t care a thing about, but his soothing voice was enough to drive you off to a peaceful sleep.

┌───────── · · · · ꒰⚘݄꒱₊

ALBEDO knows when you will have your monthly period before you can. Would just randomly blurt out a reminder for you the moment you will see him packing both of your things to return to Mondstadt after staying in his lab in Dragonspine. After all, you will need the warmth and comfort of the things that are not really much seen in Dragonspine–like food, a nice and comfortable bed, and a warm compress for your aches. He also has a painkiller potion with him always, either to hand it over to you when he sees you having a hard time or give them whenever he’s not there. The reason why he doesn’t just give it to you beforehand is that he doesn’t want you to drown in the potion–too much can be dangerous, after all.

“Wow, this actually tastes good, bedo!” you’d smile brightly, to which he replies with “Of course, I made sure that they’d suit your taste. Did it work with the pain?”

“Yeah, it’s magical! And… my cravings stopped, kind of? Was that intentional?”

He smiles, “So it worked, that’s good.”

“Wait… that was? Amazing…”

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

TAGLIST (in the reblogs)

#genshin x reader #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #scara x reader #cyno x reader #kazuha x reader #albedo x reader #tighnari x reader #zhongli x reader #ayato x reader #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #gorou x reader #kaveh x reader

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partycatty · 4 months

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DUDE THE DARK JOHNNY FICS ARE KILLING ME you ate them up please write more pookie!! It can be any concept but if you can’t think of one I was thinking, Johnny went to go shoot a film and just wanted you sitting at home being pretty, until you decided to pack everything that was yours and leave like entirely(let’s say to a different state or smth) clothes,shoes,bags, everything gone and he goes bonkers trying to find you or whatever LOVE YOU POOKS😘😘😘😘

OOOOHHHHHHH LOVE U MORE POOKIE BEAR

dark star!johnny cage > i'll find you

you hit your limit with johnny and abandoned the life he trapped you in. to say he isn't happy is a major understatement.

warnings: yandere johnny boy, abusive relationship

notes: i love how collectively mentally ill we are, love you babes

part 1* / part 2* / part 3* / part 5* / part 6*

*parts are one-shots, this is not a consistent series.

masterlist <3

• things were going okay, so johnny thought. gifts were pouring in, the media seemed happy, and you were quiet. quiet was good to johnny. it meant you ran out of energy to protest. what he didn't realize, though, was that you were quiet to avoid raising suspicion.

• "i'm locking the doors, baby, so no parties for you," johnny would tease often about you running away or hosting parties while he was gone, but regardless he always remote locked the doors when you were left on your own. to him, you were like a puppy that was raring to leave at the crack of an open door. "they've got me filming a night scene and i told them i'd rather kill myself than film in a fake night studio, so we're gonna be out late. remember the rules?"

• johnny had rules with you, to make sure you stayed in line. you nodded and recited them. no leaving without permission, call before bed, and to not cover the security cameras. johnny nodded with approval, kissed your cheek, and was gone with a quick "good girl. love you."

• your smile faded away when the door shut. you instantly sprinted into the master bedroom, locking yourself in the joint bathroom. it was the only place without cameras.

• he had a habit of searching through your personal spaces and devices. however, one of the places he didn't check was your sink cabinet. he found feminine products gross. remember when i said he was immature? yeah. this was the best time to take advantage of that.

• behind the wall of pads and tampons was a large duffel bag cramped between the sink pipes. in it was all of your necessities and then some you purchased with his credit card. you'd sneak them into the bag using one of the designer purses he once gave you after cheating on you.

• after removing it from the cabinet, you set it atop the toilet and squeezed in one last shower. lord knows when the next one you'll have will be, or if hotel bathrooms are as luxurious as the mansion. perhaps it'd be the one thing you'd miss truly.

• when you get changed, you put on three layers of clothes and stuff the rest in the empty gaps in the bag. the expensive clothes and absurdly elegant jewelry stays behind. nobody needs that to be happy. freedom would make you happy.

•you had been periodically depositing money from johnny's account into your own secret checking account, one you opened without his approval. he needed to monitor your purchases, so he instead just gave you a credit card in his name. over the last year you'd move small quantities over until you had enough to run away and sustain yourself. sure, it was stealing. but is a multi-millionaire going to miss a few thousand?

• when you were sure everything was packed and ready, you squeezed yourself through the small window in the bathroom and took off as quickly as you could, careful to stay in the blind spots of the cameras you'd studied prior. you then climbed onto a long distance bus, showing the ticket you purchased weeks in advance, and you were off.

• it didn't feel real at first. you watched malibu fade from the bus window, glancing around at the ordinary people sitting alongside you. you were so disheveled and definitely not dolled up, people probably wouldn't recognize you. you purchased the first ticket available, one that was taking you to arkansas. hundreds of miles away, and loads of people to blend in with. nobody would think to find you there, since it had nothing awaiting you. you managed to stabilize yourself and recollect your plan you meticulously planned in your head while the hills rolled with you.

• after a couple hours of shooting, johnny sat in his little diva throne and opened his phone to his surveillance app. tapping through his home, panic set in when you didn't appear on a single camera. maybe you were in the bathroom, he thought. after waiting, you never emerged. the house was empty.

• one new voicemail.

• "hey-y-y," johnny's nervous, gritted laughter played through your phone. "i'm not seeing you on the cameras. call me."

• one new voicemail.

• "seriously, woman. where are you? this isn't funny."

• one new voicemail.

• "i'm coming home. you're making me leave work early. i'm gonna call the fucking cops. you think you're so smart? you've got two hours to come home, and if not, i'll find you, whether you like it or not."

• you snapped your phone in half, discarding it at the bus's front trash can.

• johnny arrives home, slamming doors open and turning every piece of furniture around. chairs fly across the room, your once neatly organized closet is torn to shreds. he finds your belongings short of his usual counting and puts it together. you ran away, you—

• johnny sinks to the ground, gripping his hair so tight he's nearly pulling chunks out. he's laughing so hard from mania that drool is rocketing from his mouth with the Textbook Crazy Eyes.

• he texts and texts, probably well over a couple hundred times. the messages remained undelivered, yet he kept barraging the deactivated number in hopes that the next message would come through. surely he couldn't get the police involved. "hey guys, my girlfriend ran away from me because i controlled her entire life!" yeah. that'd end in handcuffs.

• so instead, he lies. it's his specialty. he dials 911, and channels the mania into a false desperation. he sobs into the phone, claiming that you're extremely mentally unwell and must be returned to him ASAP.

• johnny spends the next week posting your face everywhere on social media. you and him become, yet again, the talk of the country, but for once it seems like a genuine concern. with the way he painted things, you were insane and in danger if you were away from him, and you needed him to protect you. johnny painted himself as the savior, making charity campaigns to raise money for search parties. his home is full of gifts in your honor.

• he'd drink and smoke, something he didn't usually do, just to relieve this insane stress. he felt like his other half became untethered, like his entire world was falling apart. as much as he controlled you, he really did love you in his own fucked up way. he needed you, more than you needed him. you were the one person that would agree with him no matter the situation. he loved how you made him feel.

• meanwhile, you're basking in the sun by the hotel pool as you browse nearby apartments. it felt foreign to make your own decisions, and you had zero concern over whether or not the place would be up to his par. it was up to you now, and you loved it.

• you just had to hope that johnny wouldn't find you himself. lord knows what he'd do to you.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #johnny cage #mk1 #johnny cage x reader

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the-guilty-writer · 4 months

Note

I second the ask about Hotch's daughter with endometriosis!!! I'd like to see that

I just finished it ♡

Aaron Hotchner x daughter!reader

You truly wondered how women with endometriosis survived periods before thermotherapy products were invented. Hot water bottles and heating pads were a necessity for you during this time of the month. It wasn’t that they made the pain go away - they just made it bearable enough to allow you small bits of time where you could do something more than laying down.

At the moment, a hot water bottle and a maxed out dose of Ibuprofen were holding you together - barely. After twenty minutes at school, you were sent home by your English teacher, who was concerned about your nauseous complexion. Somehow, you'd managed to do some make-up work before taking a long (and much-needed) nap.

With your dad away on a case, the list of chores was longer than normal, but the pain made moving nearly impossible, much less cleaning. Dishes needed to be put away, the kitchen table needed to be cleared, and he laundry hamper was flooded with clothes, but there was no way you could do any of it while your insides felt like they were going to fall out. The only thing you absolutely had to do was pick Jack up from school. Everything else could wait.

All the energy you’d gathered went into the ten minute drive to and from picking up your brother. He requested a snack as soon as you got home, which you somehow managed to make him food without screaming in pain. It took every ounce of energy you had left to sit at the table with your brother as he did his homework.

The pain and fatigue clouded your brain, so much so that you hardly noticed the door to the apartment open.

“Dad!” Jack jumped up his seat and down the hall toward him.

“Hey buddy,” Hotch said. The tone of his voice was a testament to his exhaustion, but a happiness to be home.

“Dad, I made this painting in art class and I really want to show you. It's in my bedroom. Come look!” Jack didn’t give your dad a moment of rest.

“Okay,” he chuckled. “I'll be there in a minute.”

Jack’s feet pounded against the floor, running to his room in anticipation. Your dad’s longer, slower footsteps followed behind. As soon as he appeared in the doorway, you could tell the case has been a hard one. He looked beyond exhausted, horrors still haunting his eyes and crushing his spirit. Not even your little brother's innocent greeting could extinguish what your dad had endured over the past few days.

“Hey, dad,” you greeted him with as much enthusiasm as you could muster up.

“Hi sweetheart.” He planted a quick kiss atop your head before moving to the kitchen. “Where are all the plates?”

A displeasement crossed your dad’s face. You'd meant to empty the dishwasher earlier that day, but the pain body had stopped you.

“Still in the dishwasher,” you said, holding back a wince as your stomach cramped.

“I thought we talked about this.”

“We did, but-”

“You’re almost an adult. I expect you to start showing up like one.” He was calm but stern. Unblinking eyes bore into you. It made you want to cry.

Hotch turned and left the kitchen, his calm footsteps indicating he was going to Jack's room.

Despite the pain radiating through your body, you stood up and carefully made your way to the dishwasher to unload it. As soon as you leaned over to lower the door, a stabbing sensation penetrated your gut. Dizziness washed over your head and blackened your vision. In an instant, you had crumbled to the floor.

You weren't even aware that you'd let out a cry of pain until your dad was kneeling next to you, a gentle hand caressing your face. Through teary, blurry vision, you could just make out the worry in his fearures.

“It hurts,” you choked out.

“I know,” he said gently. “I'm here. I've got you.”

Strong arms lifted you off the kitchen floor, carrying you to the couch. A heating pad was laid across your stomach and a straw was brought up to your lips with the gentle encouragement to drink.

When you managed to open your eyes, Hotch was next to you, a look of concern on his normally serious face.

"Hi, sweetheart." The words were the same as before, but his tone was different.

"Hi," you whispered.

"Here," Hotch brought a hand behind your back and used the other to hand you a bottle of water, "have some water."

You took gentle sips. Your father’s hand still rested on your back, rubbing it soothingly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You didn't make me get up." It was true.

"No, but I jumped to conclusions about what you were able to do and it made you feel like you had to do something that caused you pain." Sometimes having a profiler for a dad was a good thing. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you said.

Hotch helped you lay down again, covering you with a warm blanket. "Can I get you anything?"

You snuggled into the blanket and adjusted the heating pad to sit in the best place for easing pain. "Just the TV remote."

Your dad smiled - his small but rare smile - before handing you the remote. The rest of the afternoon would be filled with watching bad TV and chick flicks, but he didn't mind. If it made you just a little more comfortable, then it was worth it.

#aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #criminal minds x daughter!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x reader

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hornyfor-redacted-onmain · 19 days

Text

Secret Secret Chapter 5

OT8 Straykids x reader, ABO AU

Masterlist | Part 4

Sooyoung realized it immediately when she walked in.

“Oh wow, someone’s in preheat.”

You sighed. “Is it that noticeable?”

She dropped her bag on the counter. “Honey, it smells like you took a shower in unicorn pee.”

“Unicorn pee?”

“I can’t imagine anything else smelling so good and yet so overwhelmingly bad,” she said with a shrug, turning to rummage around the cabinets. “You going to take the day off when your heat hits?”

“Oh, um.” You shrunk down in your seat on the couch. “Not exactly.”

The alpha paused, turning around slowly with narrowed eyes. “What did you do?”

“Look, hear me out,” You started. “It’s only Monday. My heat will probably hit on Thursday, and then I’ll have to call in sick for two days.”

“Wow, two days off work. How tragic,” Sooyoung said sarcastically, still standing with her arms crossed.

You gave her a look. “However, if I can hold off my heat until after work on Friday, I can ride my heat out during the weekend. No need to call in sick at all!”

“Right. And go back to work immediately after your heat?”

You could tell that her alpha wasn’t pleased with the idea of you working after such a harsh experience. Most omegas took at least a few days off after their heat to recover, but it wasn’t impossible for you to function the day after.

Betas wouldn’t need a day off to recover.

“It’s only my second week at this job, Youngie. I can’t afford to be using up my sick days so soon!”

“And yet I know for a fact that you’ll use some other excuse the next time your heat comes up.” She paused, narrowing her eyes as she realized something. “Wait. The only way you’ll manage to delay your heat is with suppressants.”

You looked down.

“You know how badly those affect you!”

“It’s only two days!”

Sooyoung threw her hands up into the air. “Fine, you know what? Do what you like. You’re a grown adult capable of making her own stupid decisions. But don’t come crying to me at the end of the day when those symptoms wreak havoc on you.”

You watched through silent fury as your roommate practically stomped to her room. The door slammed loudly behind her, and you were tempted to comment on it just to get the last word in, but you held your tongue.

In reality, you knew she had every right to be worried. Heat suppressants were normally only used for emergencies, not because they had any negative consequences on the body itself, but because the symptoms were so horrible that no normal person would willingly subject themselves to them unless they absolutely had to.

Headaches, fatigue, heightened senses, heat flashes, brain fog, stomach cramps. Heat suppressants forced the production of pre-heat hormones and suppressed the actual heat from happening for a short period of time, but, as an unfortunate side effect, it enhanced all the pre-heat symptoms and dialed them up to a 100.

Compared to the milder heat symptoms (slick production and high libido) it seemed odd to want to endure two days of all that. But your heat would make your scent so strong, to the point that your scent blockers wouldn’t work anymore, so it was a necessity.

At least that’s what you told yourself.

-0-0-

You weren’t sure what to expect from the Alpha you were bringing home. The entire ride in his car, besides giving out directions, nothing was said between the both of you. Even now, awkwardly standing in your kitchen, he looked like he was losing the motivation he originally had, and you wondered if you would end up being left high and dry.

“Do you want some water? Or something else to drink?” You leaned against your counter, hoping that a simple conversation would help him relax.

He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? You look like your seconds away from bolting.”

“Ah, am I that obvious?” He let out a chuckle, reaching up to scratch at his forehead. “I’ve never really done something like this before.”

You tilted your head in interest. “Oh? What makes me so special?”

He didn’t say anything at first, instead choosing to move forward until he was leaning against the other side of the counter. The two of you were close enough that you could reach out and touch him if you wanted, but part of you was curious to see if he would make the first move.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

“You sure it’s not my charmingly good looks?” You said it jokingly, but he rested his chin against his hand.

“No, it’s something else. Something … special.”

You felt your omega perk up at the compliment, and you could smell your scent begin to grow. You pulled back from the counter to stand up straight. If things were going to progress any further, you needed to take this back to your room. You didn’t want Sooyoung to have to deal with the scent of arousal lingering in the communal areas.

“Well then, mr. charmer. How about we take this to my room?” You held out your hand, and he took it.

His hand was warm and heavy in yours.

You opened up your bedroom door, and you found yourself staring at his ass as he passed. “What’s your real name anyways?”

“My real name?” The alpha looked around your room with a thoughtful look. “It’s not that important.”

You raised your eyebrows” What do I call you, then?”

“Hmmm.” You couldn’t see his face through his mask, but the way he gazed at you made you feel like you were being stripped apart to your bare bones, and you could imagine the curl of his lips. “You can call me Alpha.”

His scent began to come out stronger, like a breeze on a hot day, and you found yourself hoping it would linger long after he was gone.

You shut the door.

“Well, alpha,” You said, deliberately drawing the word out. “You going to wear that mask all night?”

He seemed to grow almost … shy. “I- actually, I think I’d prefer to keep it on.”

“It’s okay,” You assure him, not wanting him to feel insecure.

“I mean, I do want to kiss you,” He started, taking a step towards you. You could see the moment he hesitated to reach out to you, his hand dropping down to his side in a clenched fist. “If you want, that is.”

You let out a bark of laughter. “Oh sweetie, I’m pretty sure inviting you over was an invitation for much more than just a little kiss.”

This time he didn’t stop himself from reaching out to you, his hands lingering on your waist as his eyes flittered across your space. You reached up for his mask, the idea of kissing him the only thing you can think of. You wanted to know what he looked like. How soft his lips would be.

He grabbed your wrist. “I can’t let you see my face.” He sounded almost regretful.

“It’s okay,” You reassured him once more. “I can close my eyes.”

And you did. You stood there, eyes closed, and let your smile grow as he dropped your wrist, the sound of fabric shifting in front of you. For a second, he left you waiting. You didn’t open your eyes, but you did reach out to place your hand against his bare jaw.

His lips were as soft as you hoped they would be.

Your hands roamed down from his face to his neck, using your grip on his to pull him closer. It felt like he was inhaling your very essence, His scent covered you, and you moaned against his lips as his body pressed against yours. He smiled, lips still pressed against yours.

You pulled away from the kiss, but immediately pushed your face into his shoulder to keep yourself from the temptation of opening your eyes.

“You good?”

“I think it’s going to be a little hard to remember to keep my eyes close if you keep kissing me dumb like that.”

His chest rumbled as he laughed, grip on your waist tightening. “Sorry?”

“Hmmm, it’s not a complaint. Just an observation.” You pulled out of his hold completely, waving your hand in his direction. “Turn around for a second.”

You didn’t wait to see if he did as you asked, moving towards your closet with a goal in mind. It took a little bit of rummaging in the farthest corner of one of your drawers, but eventually you managed to find what you were looking for. You pulled it out with a shout of triumph.

“Is that a blindfold?”

“Yup!” You slapped a hand over your eyes and turned around, wiggling the cloth out in front of you. “Genius, right?”

“You just happened to have that lying around?”

The cloth was pulled out of your hands, and you turned around. “What can I say, I’m full of surprises.”

Warm arms wrapped around your waist. The heat of his body was hot against your back, and as his hands began to trace up and down your sides, you felt something in you shifting. You shuddered, body responding by releasing a wave of your scent, and he responded with his own scent of arousal that made your body feel almost pliant.

“So you are.” The blindfold was pulled over your eyes, and you shut them instinctively. The cloth brushed over your eyelids as he began to form a knot at the base of your head. “Tell me if it’s too tight.”

Your mind began to grow heavy as your omega pushed forward, the smell of alpha heavy on your tongue. When he finished tying off the blindfold, he leaned against your back, his mouth pressing a soft kiss to the juncture of your neck. You tilted your head to the side, an ache to feel his teeth pressing against the skin running through you and causing slick to drip down your thighs.

You let out a whine.

“Easy baby girl. I got you.”

His warmth disappeared, and you opened your eyes. The blindfold made it so that you could make out the shadows of the dark room, a vague shape of a person as they removed their clothes. You reached down to grab the hem of your own shirt.

“No, don’t,” He said, voice thick. “Let me.”

You grabbed his hands, using your newfound sight to reach out wrap your hands around his neck. This time, you were the one to initiate the kiss, eyes falling closed not out of necessity but on instinct.

“You okay?” He asked you again when your knees suddenly buckled.

“Like I said. Those kisses of yours are dangerous,” you breathed out.

He decided to take it as an invitation to pull you back in for another kiss, although this one was quicker and sweeter.

It almost felt like love.

His lips pressed against yours once, twice, and then a third time before he trailed them down to your jaw, sliding them slowly down to your neck. When he began to suck against the skin there, you pulled away with a whine.

"No marks, please. I have work."

He moved his hands under your shirt and began to pull it up. You could only barely see his figure as he leaned down, his lips reappearing against the tops of your now exposed breasts.

"I assume you mean no marks where they can be seen?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm." He pressed a kiss to your skin, tongue darting out to glide from the tops of your breast towards your nipples. He teasingly pulled against them as he passed, moving to press another kiss just to the side. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," You said, voice breathless.

He pulled your shirt off completely, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. He began to lead you towards the bed. Even without your sight, the mattress was familiar under your body, and you instinctively relaxed into the sheets.

You made grabby hands at him. He laughed, kneeling on the bed next to you and allowing your hands to roam across his skin. He still had on his boxers, and when you moved to pull them down, he grabbed your hands and pressed them gently down against the bed.

“Patience,” He told you, his voice rumbling.

You pouted, and he kissed your lips with another laugh. He continued where he had left off, his mouth on your breasts as his hands grabbed your thighs, pulling them apart so he could slot himself in between them. The motion pressed his clothed cock against your center, and you moaned at the feeling.

“Please,” you found yourself breathing out.

His mouth trailed kisses down your body, hands swiftly pulling both your pants and underwear down in one go. “Got to get you ready first, sweetheart.”

“Awfully confident in yourself, huh?” You joked.

“Hmm, something like that,” He drawled.

You expected him to get straight to it, but he took his sweet time. Laying kisses along your inner thigh, caressing your legs up to your hips. You wiggled your hips impatiently, but he just smiled against your skin.

“You’re doing a really good job at getting under my skin,” You told him, running your fingers through his hair. “If you don’t hurry up, I might just have to get myself off.”

He nosed your center, and your body flared up with want. “Good things come to those who wait.”

“Alpha, please.”

“That’s it.” He rewarded you by finally mouthing at your core, licking a stripe up to your clit where he sucked gently.

You were already wet with slick from all the teasing and foreplay, but his mouth on you made you gush, your core clenching around nothing, When he pressed a finger into you, you bucked your hips, and he laid a hand across your stomach to keep you from moving.

You let out a moan, fingers gripping his hair tightly as he ate you out. He added another finger, and the sound was filled with wet squelching sounds as he fingered you gently, softly crooking his fingers to press against your spongey insides as he sucked against your clit.

Your orgasm built up slowly, but it hit you quicker than you expected, your body writhing under him as you whined. He pulled away, his other hand reaching up towards his face, and you could only imagine the sight he made.

“Fuck, you taste so sweet,” he said, finger rubbing small circles against your clit. “Could stay here forever.”

“Please, alpha,” You whined.

“Please what?”

“I need you.”

He moved up your body. “Need me to what?”

“I want you to fuck me,” You said impatiently.

He grabbed your body and flipped you over so quickly that it made your head spin, and you pressed you forehead to your pillow with a gasp, “Ask and you shall receive,” He told you, and you could feel him moving around behind you.

You lifted your hips and presented for the alpha, your omega instincts taking over. His scent intoxicated you, filling your senses and making you feel dizzy, wanting nothing more than to submit to him in every way possible.

He took his sweet time once again, rubbing his member through your folds before he slowly pressed into you. He was right to have prepared you because he was thick, stretching you and filling you up completely. You couldn’t even moan, like your breath had been stolen. Your fingers dug into your blankets, eyes shutting behind the blindfold.

“Fuck.”

The alpha gave you a second to adjust once he had bottomed out, rubbing against your sides gently. “You good, omega?”

“So good,” You mumbled.

When he started to move, it made you whine. He thrust into you slowly at first, but his hips began to speed up slowly, the sound of skin slapping filling the room. You let out a moan as his fingers gripped your thighs, sure to leave marks. You pressed your knees against the mattress and moved to sit up, hands reaching behind you in an attempt to feel his skin against yours. He pressed himself to your back without having to be asked.

His warm breath against your shoulder, mouth teasingly close to your scent gland, had you reaching your release quickly.

You let out a whine.

“Shh, I got you,” he whispered into your ear. His hands roamed from your thighs up your chest and towards your neck, fingers gently pressing against your throat. “God, you’re so tight.”

You whined. “Alpha, please!”

“Just a little longer. You can hold on just a little longer, cant you? Hmm? Don’t you want to be good for your Alpha?”

You were so close. Your body felt like it was on fire and your head spun, the darkness that seemed to engulf you left your nerve endings so sensitive, and you couldn’t see him, could think, couldn’t do anything more than accept the pleasure he was giving you. He seemed to know that you were at your breaking point, because as a whine began to build in your throat, he pulled away.

His fingers pressed right where you needed them most, and you found yourself spiraling.

“Cum for me, Omega.”

You woke up with a start, your mind still heavy with lust and sleep. It took you a moment to realize that you had been dreaming, and then you were falling back to your bed with a groan, swiping a hand down your face.

It was your memories from that night with Chan.

It seemed like your pre-heat sex dreams were making their appearance. Usually they were some random fantasies, but you supposed it made sense that you would be hit with a memory this time around.

Your thoughts wandered to the shirt still in your drawer. It almost seemed to be calling for you.

You let out another groan.

This was going to be a long week.

-0-0-

You were convinced that heat suppressants had to have been created as a form of torture.

The headache made every noise feel like a punch to the brain, not helped by the fact that your hearing was so sensitive that everything above a cough sounded like an airhorn to your brain. Even the painkillers you took that morning were doing little to dull the hammering in your head.

And yet, you tried your best to keep a smile on your face, made ever difficult from having to deal with the managers.

You had been thrown for a loop when you found out on Tuesday morning that Felix had gone into heat. It was all the staff members were talking about. You hoped that the idol’s heat and rut cycles weren’t normally a topic of interest for the company, but you understood why this time they all were freaking out about it.

Stray Kids’ comeback was scheduled for next week.

It would be hard for you to have to go back to work the day after your heat ended, but finding out that Felix was expected to be on stage and promoting less than a week after his almost made you feral.

“What do you mean the comeback will continue as planned?”

Jeonhui gave you a hard look. You knew that as a new employee, and only a translator who was in the meeting to be kept up to date with the upcoming schedule, the idea of speaking out was unheard of. But when the news that the comeback would still be happening on the expected date, your mouth opened before your brain could catch up.

The head manager, Soojin, gave you a puzzled look. “Is there a reason we shouldn’t?”

The entire room was looking at you, but you forced yourself to focus only on the manager. “Felix finished his heat less than a day ago.”

“Yes?”

“Even for a normal person, a comeback is stressful. Long nights, early mornings, practices and schedules and stage performances and interviews … do you really think that’s the best thing for an omega who just had their heat to deal with?”

There was a moment where Soojin looked almost understanding, his eyes soft and a small smile on his face. You thought that you might have actually gotten through to him. You thought for a second that maybe you could make an impact on this company, give them some knowledge of the artists they were supposed to be managing and caring for, and that you could actually change the way the industry worked.

But it shattered with his next words.

“I appreciate the concern, but I assure you our omega’s can handle the load just fine. We’ve had both omegas and alphas going back to work right after heats and ruts, and there’s never been a complaint in the past.” The other staff managers nodded along as if what he was saying was common knowledge. “If they needed more time to recover, they would have said something.”

You thought about the pressure building in your head, the way your skin felt like it was crawling, the constant cramped pain your stomach was enduring, all so that you wouldn’t go into heat. All so you could keep pretending to a room full of betas.

All so that those same betas could make decisions about omega’s and alphas they knew nothing about.

It made you want to scream.

“Maybe,” You managed through clenched teeth. “They never say anything because they know that if they do, the company would use it as proof that omegas are more trouble than their worth.”

Soojin and the other managers gave you a surprised look. From the corner of the room, Maya was given you a proud smile, but the other stylists around her looked confused and even annoyed.

“Why do you care so much about this anyways? What are you, an omega expert?” One of them said.

And his words felt like a bucket of water had been dumped over your slightly overheated body. You immediately bowed your head, realizing that you had brought more attention on your head than was necessary, and it was obvious you were fighting a losing battle.

“I’m just … worried. Just seems like those boys could use some rest,” You mumbled in excuse.

Stupid. How could you be so stupid.

Now everyone would know you as that one translator who argued about an omegas needs. At best they would think you were out of line, but at worst …

“It’s quite alright,” Soojin assured you, although the look Jeonhui gave you told you that the two of you would be talking later. “But like you said, comeback is stressful for all of us, including the staff. This is why we put in all the hard work! I want to take a moment to thank all of the staff for helping make this a possibility-“

And just like that, your little outburst seemed to be forgotten.

It didn’t make you feel any better to know that your words were so easily dismissed. As Thursday turned into Friday, you made the conscious decision to not take your heat suppressants that morning, knowing you would need your heat to start either than night or early Saturday morning if you wanted your heat to end by Sunday night.

You ignored the looks Sooyoung gave you as you left for work.

Just as promised, you had been avoiding her all week. When the cramps hit you late at night and you cried out, you muffled the sound with your pillow to avoid waking her. She didn’t mention the quickly dwindling supply of pain medication (you reminded yourself to pick some up after work).

It made a part of you ache to know you had disappointed your friend. But it also made you feel proud to know that you were still doing what you had dreamed of doing for so long.

You just had to keep moving forward.

Friday went by normally, and almost easier than the past three days. The suppressants started to flush out of your system around noon, and the symptoms you had been dealing with started to fade, making it easier for you to work. The heat symptoms would come around soon, but you weren’t too worried about it hitting you fully until you were back home.

You were just finishing up your last assignment of the day when you caught the scent of a familiar smell.

“Oh no.”

Minho appeared at your doorway within seconds, and you secretly cursed the enhanced sense of smell that had yet to wear off, because the strong scent of alpha had your omega perking her metaphorical ears up instantly.

He had probably just finished dance practice judging by the sweat covered shirt he had yet to change out of.

You forced your eyes away from him and back to your screen. “Can I help you?”

“I’m sorry.”

You paused your typing, risking a glance to look at his face. He looked straight faced, almost bored at first, but you could smell the shame that was hidden beneath the rest of his scent, and you turned to face him completely.

“What are you sorry for?” You asked him.

He looked away. “I yelled at you when we first met. It was … inappropriate.”

“You were protecting your pack,” You corrected him, turning back to your work. “You did what you thought was right.”

Minho continued to stare at you from the doorway, not saying anything. You finished what you were working on and began to wrap everything up so you could leave. In the few minutes it took you to do that, he didn’t say anything.

You grabbed the files you had to drop off to your manager before you left. “I’m serious, Minho. It’s fine.”

When you stood up, a few papers that had been caught under your files fluttered to the ground. Before you could move to grab them, Minho was there, picking up the papers and tapping them on the ground so that they would be stacked up together, lifting his head up to look at you.

And you immediately felt something in your stomach twist, and your head spun.

He stood back up, unaware of your internal freak out, and handed you the papers. You took them with shaking hands.

“Thanks,” You breathed out.

Minho frowned. “Are you okay?”

No, you wanted to scream at him. I’m going into heat and a stupidly handsome alpha was on his knees looking up at me and now I’m losing my goddamn mind.

But instead, you forced a smile on your face. “Fine.” It came out squeaky, and you winced. “I, uh. Gotta go!”

You rushed out of there as quickly as you could.

As if your day couldn’t get any worse, you completely missed an equally sweaty and tired looking Chan as he was walking out of the elevator, and he had to grab your shoulders to keep you from running him over. His scent, equally as strong, only made your chest ache more.

Chan smiled. “Ah, just who I was looking for!”

You eyed him curiously. “Wow, I’m really popular these days, huh?”

“What?”

“What did you need?” You asked him as you walked into the elevator. He followed you in.

“I wanted to let you know that I talked with Felix.”

“Oh, how is he, by the way? I heard about what happened.”

Chan gave you a soft smile. “Ah, he’s fine. He …. He wants to meet with you.”

The elevator opened, and someone stepped in. It was a random staff member you didn’t recognize, probably not even a stray kid’s staff member, but both you and Chan remained silent until she left. You turned to Chan as the elevator made its way up to your manager’s floor.

“I think we should wait until after your comeback,” You told him.

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” Chan sighed. “We’ll have enough on our shoulders this week.”

You scowled. “Ugh, don’t even remind me.”

He let out a laugh. “Ah, I heard about what you did yesterday.”

You covered your face in embarrassment as the elevator door opened. “Uh, I’m just going to go before I say anything even worse.”

Chan was still laughing as you left, but he called out for you before the doors closed. His smile was one of the last things you saw as his words reached you.

“Thank you.”

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artofchira · 6 months

Note

As someone else who's in the process of burning out just surviving, and has lost sight of why I enjoyed art in the first place, would you be willing to share some of the things you've tried to get back on your feet? Super glad that you're doing so much better, btw.

First: It's actually become a job for me to help artists reconnect to their art through my mentorship workshop with everything I have learned, and I consider myself very good at it. I've been doing it for about 4 years now. If you or any other artist would like direct help with recovering from burn out please check out the service page of my website and testimonials from previous clients.

To answer your question:

A lot of my own personal stabilization just came as a result of wanting the experience of making art to be comfortable. It wasn't a choice anymore. After my father passed I relaxed for about 3 months -- longest I went without drawing in my life since I started freelancing -- and when I sat back at my desk I just couldn't make myself work under the same pressure. I'd try to force myself to draw and it made me want to cry instead. I quickly learned I could only create if I felt comfortable and drawing felt gentle, so I had to accept moving forward if I wanted to continue being as productive as before I needed to find a way of working that eliminated stress or using will power, which means working in a way that was renovated from the ground up. I couldn't go back. How I was making art was over. I needed it to be repaired. I had no idea what that looked like, so it was truly trial and error.

A fact about me is I have a very high sensory/pain threshold naturally (I also recently learned I was autistic over the pandemic, imagine that has something to do with it) so I've always been historically bad at ignoring my physical limitations because I rarely felt them unless my body broke down on me, and when it did I treated myself with annoyance and forced myself to work through it. I'm talking like no sleeping for 3-4 days straight, or coming home after a kidney stone to finish a comic page still shaky on pain and morphine and then feeling bad at myself for being lazy. To say my old work habits were highly self abusive is an understatement. So when I started addressing everything that was an inconvenience and uncomfortable, it ended up correcting everything I was ignoring or failed to consider a problem until it was past due.

To cut a long story short, a list of material changes to my life that improved my health:

I got medicated, finally. I'm extremely bipolar. Always have been. Drawing between periods of oscillating between feeling divinely invincible vs ideating suicide every waking moment vastly became easier to manage.

I got glasses. I'm farsighted, but it was never a problem for me since I could see fine -- ooor so I thought. Turns out when you're farsighted you're focusing constantly without even realizing it. Turns out getting glasses gave me 80% of my mental space back so I suddenly had more energy, generally more awake, and more focused. No one talks about farsightedness so I had absolutely no idea I was burning myself out physically just being able to see. Worth mentioning!

Started seeing a massage therapist and a chiropractor regularly. I always thought of those things as luxuries, not necessities. Which was extremely stupid. Maintaining my physical body through directly working out kinks in it became something like brushing my teeth or showering -- it's just something you do to make sure health and hygiene isn't making you dysfunctional and rotting you. My body no longer breaks down.

For the same reasons as above, maintained seeing my therapist regularly even if I felt fine or had no issues to work out. I realized I was always quick to end support as soon as I felt I didn't need it anymore (again treating it as a luxury) so making the space in my life for mental/emotional check ins kept my head organized. My therapist is bewildered by me and has no idea what to do with me because she feels she's not doing anything. I just tell her by me making the space for me to explain myself at all, even if all I was doing was describing how I was fine, was the help. She's great.

Got a cappuccino machine. May seem stupid but being able to make gourmet coffees from my kitchen every morning really genuinely improved my life and mind more than getting medicated.

Got a dog. He's amazing. I love him. Very warm and loving companion, and such a gentle soul. He keeps me out of my head and gets me prioritizing walks every day, so my vitamin D intake increased massively. I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for 3 days straight in my depressive episodes anymore. I have to make the effort to leave it at least twice a day to walk and feed him and play with him. Like most people, I'm terrible at prioritizing for myself but will move worlds for those I love no matter where I'm at.

For personal habits I just reflected a lot on why I felt I had to will myself to draw when drawing is something I love doing most. It made no sense to resent doing what you devote yourself to doing. I changed -- and still changing -- my mental framing in how I think of working on art for it to be something I'm eager to do, not obligated to.

Hope this was educational.

#ask box answers #Personal

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charmercharm3r · 1 year

Text

left field

SCB

Masterlist

5/8 of The Sleepwear Series

wc: 6.5k

Synopsis: So many hints dropped, so little of them picked up.

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, softdom!changbin, fem!reader, friends to lovers cus he's a cutie, mentions of periods, fingering, piv, marking, mentions of graphoerotica, creampie, pretty tame ngl

“God fucking damn it—“

You had already pulled your pants down and sat on the toilet when you saw the small red splotches of blood on the gusset of your underwear. Typical, your period decides to leak through your tampon while at your best friend’s man cave he calls a home. And your bag with necessities in the living room, out of reach. Changbin would die on the hill that his place is better than yours, but if that were the case then he’d have feminine products under the sink like most people. But he doesn’t, which not only proves your point but leads you to loudly call out for him from behind the closed door.

Heavy footsteps padded down the hallway followed by the door abruptly opening, your legs closing tight and pulling down your shirt to cover any indecent skin, “what the fuck?!”

Changbin looked at you with his eyes wide open and a worried brow, “you’re not dying?”

“I am now! Of embarrassment. Close the door!” He immediately stepped out and pulled it behind him just enough so there was a small sliver still open.

“You yelled my name, I thought you were hurt.”

“So you barge in like a fucking barbarian?”

“Well– yeah!” You could practically hear the gears turning in his head. “If you’re not dying, do you need something?” Changbin’s voice softened and he fiddled with the door knob.

“Can you get my bag for me?” The sheepish nature of your tone made him peak through the crack, “why? What’s in it?”

“Changbin, door!” As you pulled your shirt as far down your body as it’d go, he let himself into the bathroom entirely and stood with his arms folded across his chest.

It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to lose his sense of personal space. To Changbin, your space was also his space, you would practically breathe the same air because sometimes he forgets that you’re your own person. Changbin doesn’t do it on purpose, though. It’s his way of showing his affection. There’s times where you’d be sat at the end of the couch and he’d plop down straight on top of you. His friends give him hell for it, always pushing him away but he is persistent. Jeongin is especially grateful for your presence, taking Changbin’s attention off of him and redirecting it onto you. Though, his timing isn’t always the best, catching you in the bathroom like this isn’t entirely uncommon.

“Are you being weird in my bathroom?” He narrowed his eyes at you, seemingly unaffected by the fact that you’re still sitting on the toilet.

“You’re the weird one! Why don’t you have pads or tampons? Do you hate women?”

You could see the lightbulb in his brain flicker on as he took a step back and uncrossed his arms, ears tinging red. “I don’t hate women! I love women– I love women a lot. Like a few months ago, there was a woman who got a lot of my love–”

“Ah, ah, ah, I don’t wanna hear it. Just get my bag, woman hater.” You shook your head and mumbled incoherent words until he finally left and returned with your purse.

If you were being honest with yourself, there was more than one reason you didn’t want to picture your best friend with another girl. There was the fact that he was built like an absolute unit and then some, charming and handsome and kind and thoughtful and funny... Also, just the image of him in bed with someone else was a bit horrifying. You knew him so well that thinking about it made your heart sink and cringe at the same time. Were you crushing on your best friend? Yeah, but who wouldn’t? Changbin is hot in the most endearing way– like he knows he’s attractive, just not to what extent. If only he knew… No, that’s unlikely. He’s the most oblivious person you’ve ever met.

As you rummaged through your bag to find something to ease the mess, Changbin still stood in front of you. “What are you waiting for?”

“How do tampons work?” He blurted out and eagerly watched you pull the little plastic tube out of your purse.

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?” The rapid nodding of his head had you shoving your bag into his arms again and holding up the sealed tampon for a clear view. “Step one, open,” you unwrap it and hold onto the plastic packaging, “step two, insert. Step three push. I’m not showing you my vagina, so can you get out now? My legs are starting to go numb.”

As if his curiosity had been satisfied, Changbin shrugged and left, closing the door behind him while muttering a, “I’m so glad I’m not a girl.”

The next few hours were spent wasting each other’s time, starting a movie and not finishing it because he couldn’t sit still then attempting to toss popcorn in the air at you in hopes you’d catch it in your mouth. You amused him, of course. His laughter was contagious and it’d be a crime not to laugh along with him.

It was close to 9 p.m. when you decided to go home. The walk wasn’t far and you’d done it a million and one times, and every time Changbin offered to walk with you. You couldn’t really protest, especially when he never directly says he was going to walk you home. He’d make an excuse like he’s stopping at the convenience store or doing this and that.

Upon coming up to your street, you asked him, “are you taking another late night walk that just so happens to be in the direction of my house?”

The two of you were shoulder to shoulder, hands occasionally brushing against one another as cars passed by. “I was going to get my mail but… I can’t remember where my mailbox is. Thought it might’ve been this way but maybe I was wrong.”

This is what always happened. You’ve known him for what feels like forever and every time he stops just in front of your apartment building, your heart breaks just a little more. You wished he’d come in, stay the night, be there when you woke up. He does this thing where he sticks his hands in his hoodie pocket and looks at the ground with a soft smile, he’s doing it now and peers up at you sweetly. Like the ground was suddenly offering to buy him a four course meal and dessert, Changbin dipped his head back down as soon as you met his gaze.

“You don’t need to do this every time. But bonus points for creativity,” you playfully nudged him on the shoulder, grateful for the cloudy night sky shadowing over the blush on your cheeks.

Obviously, you loved that he did this for you. It makes you feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside. A part of you, a rather big part, wished that he’d do it because of a certain emotion, but again… just wishful thinking. Changbin walks you home because he’s a nice person. He makes up reasons to keep talking to you because all his other friends are busy. The only thing that could explain why he calls you all the time for the most random things is because he just blindly presses on his most recent call– that just so happens to be you. Purely coincidental, everything he does is because Changbin is your friend, your best friend. And it’s normal for friends to look at you the way he’s looking at you now, right?

Curtained by his natural curly hair, it was like galaxies had found a home in his eyes. “I want to,” he stuck his hand out to tap adoringly under your chin, “gotta make sure my favorite girl gets home safe.” The action and the words made your skin burn, but somehow shiver at the same time

“Did your mom finally tell you to stop calling her every night?” You brushed his hand away as you spoke, trying to conceal a flattered smile.

“Yeah, but my mom’s always number one. You still rank the highest out of all my girl friends.”

“I’m your only girl friend.”

“All the more reason you’re on top of the list.”

There was that stupid, lopsided smirk of his, annoyingly cute how it didn’t even seem like he was trying to be smooth with his words. Unruly locks sticking in every direction, sweater somehow concealing the muscles you knew him to have, you didn’t even mind that he was wearing slides with no socks, seeing Changbin so domestic made your heart swell even bigger than it already was. If you spent any longer with him, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to keep up such a cunning facade.

Low and behold the universe was listening whether it be beneficial or detrimental, a deep clasp of thunder boomed and not a second later began a heavy downpour of rain. While you didn’t move an inch, just looking up at the crying sky, Changbin wrestled his hoodie off and tossed it over your head like a canopy. You looked at him confused because you were standing in front of your house, if you got wet it was no big deal. Whereas he still had to walk home, but chose to rid himself of the only thing protecting him from the cold to make sure you stayed dry. How close he was now, tying the sleeves below your chin to make sure the jacket didn’t slip off your head. You couldn’t help the fondness in your expression, unable to see anyone but him.

“You’re staying over,” you say, taking his hand before he can protest and whisking him inside.

The both of you were soggy messes in the foyer of your apartment, unsure of what move to make. You thought you’d known what you were doing but now you were trapped with the only person in the world who could make you feel like bursting at the seams.

The same confidence that pushed you to invite Changbin inside was slowly fading, but you had enough left to begin to strip away your articles of clothing one by one, starting with the hoodie tied around your head. You plopped it on the floor and began to take your top off when Changbin dramatically flushed his back against the front door. “What’re you doing?” He asked, covering his eyes as you added your top to the wet pile.

“I don’t want my entire house to be soaked. Strip, I have spare clothes you can try.” Even if he tried to be decent and not look while you undressed, the irony of it had you rolling your eyes. “As if you weren’t in the room when I was on the toilet earlier.”

“Hey, that was different!” Changbin defended himself for a second before realizing the same thing you did, ultimately beginning to discard his wet clothes as well. When you shimmied off your pants and picked up the sopping pile, your best friend was handing you his shirt and looking you dead in the face as he unbuttoned his jeans. You didn’t think he intended for it to come off as electrically charged as it did, but it was like you couldn’t look away. Not that Changbin wanted you to, he loved the way you were staring at him.

Your eyes raked from his broad shoulders down the plane of his chest and tummy, keeping a steady gaze on the way his fingers elegantly unzipped and pushed the pants down his legs. When he handed the garment to you, you felt the searing heat of embarrassment shoot through your body. He stood with his hands on his hips, just in his boxers now.

The pace at which you ran towards the laundry room was laughable, for Changbin at least. He got a kick out of your antics, but he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Changbin thought he was being as obvious as possible that he cared for you much more than a friend, but the message must’ve gotten lost in translation because not a single thing he put down, you picked up.

Changbin wanted to be embarrassed, walking around your house in just his underwear, but he felt more comfortable than anything. He’d raided your fridge for snacks, drank water, grabbed some alcohol, even sat on the couch because somehow his boxers were the only thing that didn’t get wet. A beer in his hand, feet kicked up on the coffee table then your and his favorite show clicked on in the background was his definition of home. He loved the atmosphere of your apartment, the smell of patchouli, soft yellow lights in the corners of every room, even if it didn’t have his play station or mini music setup that was an easy fix. So easily could he imagine himself waking up here every morning, waking up to you and being able to cook you a small breakfast before he went to work–

Getting ahead of yourself, he thought.

You changed into some shorts and a shirt and gathered spare clothes before you fully stepped into the living room, you watched Changbin flow about the place. He seemed even more relaxed than he had back at his own house. Quietly you observed from a distance, your heart warming as he poured you a glass of wine and set it on the table for when you returned, unfolded the blanket that hung on the back of the couch and set it where he wanted you to sit– directly next to him, of course, the only acceptable place.

“Get your stinky butt off my couch,” you finally made your presence known and handed him the spare shirt and shorts, nudging his feet off your coffee table to sit beside him.

Changbin didn’t retort, simply following your order and standing. He decided to make you even more flustered than you already were, his junk eye level with your face as he slipped the shorts on. You loved his little tummy, finding it cute how he lightly rubbed it after putting on the shirt and sitting down again. “Thank you,” he mumbled, taking a sip of his beer. You picked up the glass of wine and tipped it towards him, “thank you.”

Silence, patchouli, and a hint of petrichor wafted through the room. When you shivered, Changbin set down his drink to reach both arms around either side of you, draping the earlier placed blanket over your shoulders. His touch lingered on the tops of your hands for a moment before retreating.

Despite the sweet moment, you couldn’t help but become more curious of what he’d stupidly mentioned earlier. “So…” Changbin’s ears perked up, “going through a dry spell?”

A pink hue covered his cheeks, “what?”

“Before… you said it was a few months ago… the last time you were with someone.” Shyly, Changbin scratched at the nape of his neck and ran his fingers through his hair. He laughed, throat dry, “y– yeah. It’s been a while. Haven’t really had the urge to… y’know… seek anyone out.”

“I think I’m the only other person in the world who knows what you mean. It’s like everyone is dating and fucking and having threesomes, yet I can’t even do my laundry without getting tired–”

“Threesomes–?”

“I don’t want to put in the work to meet someone. It’s like everyone’s idea of dating is so different, and explicitly saying you’re dating to marry is some sort of turn off.”

“Wait– go back. Threesomes?” Changbin shifted to face his body towards you, clearly invested in the idea.

Bringing your glass to your lips, you shrugged, “just some girl at work telling me about these people she met. Said it was insane and mind blowing. Good for her, I just didn’t need to know so many details.” His mouth was dropped, tongue practically hanging out of his mouth. The brief mention of anything relatively sexual coming out of your mouth made Changbin’s mind immediately fall deep into the gutter. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining that there were two of you, each touching different parts of his body and covering him in your lipstick stains–

Jesus, get it together, Changbin shook his head and blankly stared at the television.

“Did you hear the part I said about dating? The more important part?” You waved your hand in front of his face. “Yeah, I heard,” he caught your hand in his and held on. His skin was warm, soft against your own. Both pairs of eyes caught the gentle nature of his grip, disbelief expressions littering your faces at the audacity to hold on for much longer than necessary, longer than he ever had before.

You let out a small breath, unsure of how to feel as he brought your hand down to the side of his thigh and leaving it there. Just your fingers rested on the muscle, feeling him flex under your touch. With a sly grin, Changbin pulled the TV remote from behind him and pointed it towards the screen, “think we can finish the last few episodes? Or will you fall asleep again?”

The rest of the night went by much too quickly, only because you had, indeed, fallen asleep. To be fair, even though you’d only had a bit of wine, it was still enough to make you tired. That on top of the already tiring day you had and Changbin cozying up next to you, how could you not? You’d woken up later the next day in your bed, tucked in with a bottle of water on your bedside table and a note next to it. Fucking gentleman. Changbin had to leave for work but wrote that he’d made some coffee and didn’t want to wake you. He didn’t fail to mention that it was only thirty minutes into the episode that you’d passed out, but the gesture was still cute.

You went about your day as normal as possible, doing chores and whatnot, even texting Changbin a thank you for not watching the show without you, to which he said he did but he’d rewatch it if you promised to stay awake next time. It was so hard not to smile as you read his messages, seeing the chat bubble on his end immediately appearing with every text you sent. So many butterflies, the only way you knew to contain them was to bury yourself in work. That’s what you did for hours, only stopping to take breaks to eat and use the bathroom. An upside of today, your period stopped.

Changbin doesn’t have such a productive day as you, little to his knowledge. He went to work, got into the studio and sat down with his pen and paper and didn’t write a single thing. Not a damn thing. His mind was overly consumed with the thought of you. No way he was ever going to admit to anyone that he spent a good amount of time this morning just watching you sleep. It sounds creepy as he thinks back on it, but he was mesmerized. Knowing the stress you carried on your shoulders and being given the privilege of seeing you so… at peace. Changbin loved every second of it to the point he just swiveled around in circles daydreaming as soon as he stepped foot in the studio. All the members stopped by at one point during the day to say hello and Changbin was sitting in the same position every time, until Jisung had finally took hold of Changbin’s chair and rolled him out into the hallway so the younger could use the room. “Stop marinating in your own self pity. Can’t take looking at your gross, lovesick face anymore.” Jisung had said, slamming the door in Changbin’s face when he went to curse him out. To be fair, it could’ve been the best or worst advice ever. Either way, it finally got Changbin to leave work.

He didn’t know where his feet were carrying him, just that he wanted to lay down and not think anymore. It wasn’t until he was outside your building again that he felt absolutely like going insane. There were so many pent up emotions swirling about inside him and as good as he is with words, this was something he couldn’t articulate. Mixtures of saccharine chaos and patchouli scented whimsicality fills his nose every time he so much as thinks of your name, these specific things so deeply rooted in his association with you. Everywhere he looks, there you are.

As nighttime rolls around, you’re able to comfortably lay in bed without the fear of staining your sheets. That’s exactly what you do, phone in hand and ready to call it a night. You had been laid down for maybe five minutes when loud knocks rapped against your door. Getting up with a groan, you walked out and opened the door, finding a very disgruntled looking Changbin pawing at the roots of his hair. Before you’d gotten the chance to ask why he was here, he pushed past you and kicked his shoes off, pacing back and forth in your living room.

“Don’t speak a single word because there’s something I have to say and if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I ever will. Understand?” Shutting the door, you looked at him and waited for him to continue. “Say something!”

“You told me not to!”

“Say you understand!”

“I understand.”

“You don’t understand!” You moved slowly further into the room, feeling Changbin growing more and more skittish with every step. As you came face to face with him, he put his hands on your shoulders and led you to the couch, sitting you down while he still stood. “You don’t understand how frustrating it is to be around you.” The words made you flinch back, “no, no! I mean, I love being around you. It’s the highlight of my week! But dear fucking god, Y/N. You are the blindest person I know.”

“I don’t–”

“Shut up! Let me finish,” he stayed a few steps in front of you, practically spinning in circles with how quickly he strode in anxiety. Raising your eyebrows, you waited. Changbin took in a deep breath, “You’re so infuriatingly oblivious that it makes me wanna rip my hair out. You can never stay awake long enough to make it to the good part of the show, we’ve been stuck on the same season for the past month! And you never finish your wine! You always fall asleep on me and I never tell you how you drool on my shoulder because I don’t wanna embarrass you. Why don’t you lock the bathroom door?!”

“Should I be defending myself right now?”

“And you can’t follow directions to save your goddamn life! But for fuck’s sake, I hate being away from you.” A small hum of confusion and a head tilt, you genuinely couldn’t think of anything to say. What the fuck was he talking about?

“I spent the entire day with you doing absolutely nothing but watching paint dry and it was one of the best days of my life. Every day with you is the best day of my life even if it’s for just a few minutes. Can’t you see?” Changbin exhaled deeply and came in front of you, dropping to his knees. He took both your hands from your lap and made you cup his full cheeks, staring deep into your eyes. “See me.”

Thousands of thoughts and millions of emotions filled you from head to toe, almost vibrating overwhelmed. You couldn’t believe your current predicament, here was the manliest man you know on his knees in front of you, for you, begging you to do the one thing you’ve been doing for god knows how long.

Involuntarily your lip pouted at the fading adrenaline induced confidence in Changbin’s demeanor, his hands slowly slipping from atop your own that held you in place. Feeling you getting a better grip, his breath hitched in his throat. You held his cheeks so firmly that his lips puckered. “You’re all I’ve ever seen.”

The sheer force of which Changbin sat up to meet your lips would’ve sent you toppling back if you didn’t find yourself falling into him with equal weight. Butterflies, sparks, that feeling, you felt illiterate. It was just right.

He did nothing but slot against you in a frenzied yet calculated rhythm, finding comfort in the way your lips fit so perfectly against his. Large palms slid from your hands up your arms and back down your torso, only to settle on your hips and tug you closer. Changbin fit himself between your knees and made sure to have you flush against him as he kneaded the pajama covered flesh of your ass. You didn’t expect him to heave you up and carry you towards your bedroom, squealing as you were dropped onto the mattress.

“What am I gonna do with you?” He muttered, kneeling onto the bed while tossing his shirt to the floor. Daunting Changbin was, a new flame behind his eyes that made you cower until your back hit the headrest. “Don’t run away from me. I’ve waited so long already.” He caught your ankles and you were dragged towards him again, belly up at his mercy.

His lips had a hard time parting from yours even as he stripped you naked, all done with a smitten smirk which you could feel within every kiss. A sense of security washed through you as his hands roamed anywhere and everywhere, firmly caressing any plump inch of skin he could find. Changbin took a particular liking in the curve of your hips and ass, loving how delicately supple your skin was. He kneaded it like a cat, moaning into your mouth as you squeezed the muscles of his pecs.

Then his hands traveled down, hiking your knees around his torso and feeling the wetness of your arousal. His thick fingers slid through your pussy so easily, slick echoing lewdly and only adding to the adulterous scene. He didn’t look away from your glistening folds, flat out staring with all intents and purposes and making your face heat up. With a pout on your lips, “stop looking at it like that. You’re making me shy.”

Changbin’s head fell back in a mocking chuckle, “shy? Please, not my fault you have such a pretty pussy.” He kissed you again before you could feel any more flustered.

It was impossible to feel anything of the sort when he whispered sweet nothings every chance he got. Every break of your lips Changbin took the opportunity to mumble something he loved about you that you didn’t even realize about yourself, “always smell so good, sometimes I spray your perfume on my clothes when you’re not looking. Always wanted to pull your hair, maybe that’ll be a little treat for next time. These hips? Oh my god, wanna just eat you whole.” He bit loving marks from your neck down your chest and trailing further until he came to the skin just below your belly button. There was where he left an abundance of bruises, turning varying hues of purples and reds to line the expanse of the area. It was like your own personalized garment, customized by him made just for you. Changbin didn’t leave your hips unattended, decorating the hinge where your thighs met your hips just the same.

Your cunt was throbbing now, so incredibly turned on but growing too impatient for your own good. As much as you appreciated his thoroughness, it was getting harder not to simply cry at the need that made your stomach churn. Threading your fingers through his hair got his attention, making his eyes meet yours from between your legs. Wordlessly you used your other hand and spread the lips of your pussy with two fingers, inviting.

He took a single long, fat lick up the center of your entrance. The warmth made you cry out for more but Changbin pulled away, refocusing his attention on the backs of your thighs and pushing your knees to your chest. Like reading your mind, he replaced his tongue with big fingers, inserting just one as he munched on the flesh of your legs. Thumbing at your clit and one digit inside you was almost torturous, he was teasing you by being so close to what you wanted, just not quite there.

“Bin, please. Your mouth–”

“Nuh uh. Let me play, princess. We’ll have plenty of time for more.” Your cunt clenched at the prospect of more with him. More rendezvous, more kissing, touching, feeling him in ways you’d only imagined.

Not long did it take for him to decorate your thighs as well, painting a pretty picture like you were a canvas. What you didn’t see was that he’d been touching himself this entire time, slowly stroking his heavy cock and leaking more precum every time you whimpered. When his thumb swiped rather hard at your bundle of nerves and you whined, Changbin almost came in his hand. He couldn’t take it anymore, deciding that he’d rather die than let your first time together go to waste in his palm.

Unexpectedly he dove into your pussy and gave it one good hard suck, for a moment he recalculated even fucking you because of how sweet you tasted and knowing he’d blow if he truly went to town, but he loved seeing the splotches on your body. It made his skin tingle and feel almost feral, your unblemished skin covered in marks he created. With your taste on his tongue, he quickly came back up to kiss your lips, swallowing your moans as your own arousal filled your senses. “Wanna see your face when I fuck you,” he groaned, taking your knees and starting to maneuver them to fall to one side.

“Wait, wait,” you pushed his chest back. Changbin looked at you, concerned. “I’m clean–”

“Me too. Got tested right after–”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“Then?” The worry in his eyes slightly overshadowed the lust, but just for a second because you broke out into an abashed smile and covered your face with your hands. “Don’t laugh at me,” you muttered and Changbin stole your hands into his.

“Never at you, only with you,” he giggled, too.

You tapped his chest so he could sit up. When you had the space, you tipped your knees to the side and let your spine relax, pops of your back cracking made the two of you break into an unfiltered, obnoxious fit of laughter. Then you twisted to do the other side, only making both of you laugh harder. Changbin huddled over into your chest, trying his best not to suffocate you with his weight. “I said don’t laugh!”

“I can’t help it!” He moved up to hide his face in your neck. “That was the cutest thing I've ever seen.” He composed himself enough to plant reassuring kisses to the junction and lean back again. Still on your back, he towered over you and reached down to brush your hair from your face. Warmth spread throughout your body as he just looked at you, nothing sexual of the nature whatsoever, admiring.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you have a staring problem,” you whispered, gazing at him exactly the way he was at you.

“Only for you,” he pinched your cheek then distracted you with another kiss before continuing to lay your knees to one side of your body.

Taking your hand in his, Changbin aligned his cock with your entrance and pushed in, your nails digging into the top of his hand as he did so. Gently he came to become fully sheathed within your walls, patiently waiting for you to adjust. His free hand ran over the deepening blemishes on the back of your thigh, a proud smirk on his face. Your cunt clenched and he shivered, “more, please.”

He used the hand on your thigh to push your knees harder into the bed and your back popped on last time. When you both laughed, your walls constricted around his dick tightly and stuttered his laughter into a moan, toppling on top of you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, don’t do that! I’ll cum!” Changbin’s voice still filled with giggles.

Even if the two of you were nowhere near as intense as you should’ve been, the moment was still enjoyable all the same, just in a different way. There was no forced intimacy or awkwardness that came with seeing someone naked for the first time, only comfort and warmth and smiling until your cheeks hurt.

Changbin loved the sight of you stuffed full of him, covered in his marks. That made his brain flip from zero to one hundred, glaring at your pussy and mockingly tilting his head. Oh, he wanted to take a picture of you, pretty in all your glory and creaming around his cock. Every bit of you was on fire, only getting hotter with the sweet praises he was singing for you. “Pussy like heaven, fuck– have I died? So, so good.

“You’re so beautiful like this, wish I could tattoo you with my name. Wouldn’t that be cute, baby? Would you want me to do that? Cover you with pretty words while you cum all over my cock?” Your pussy pulsated at the idea, imagining Changbin writing obscene things all over your body. It’s one thing to him to be saying these things, but having them in writing, his writing, that was something else entirely and it turned you on to no end.

“Oh, you do like that. So dirty, princess. Tell me, what else do you want?” He kept his thrusts slow and deep, working you up much too leisurely that you were on the verge of crying. Changbin could see the tears welling in your eyes, smiling and teasingly tapping the underside of your chin again. “Don’t cry, baby. I’ll give you whatever you want, just tell me.”

Even if it was obvious what you wanted, he was still making you work for it. You reached down to pull your ass cheek up, spreading your pussy lips wider for his viewing pleasure. Changbin groaned, deep from within his chest and his eyes rolled back. “Wanna cum,” you mumbled, fingernails raking over the deep bruises over the backs of your thighs.

“Am I not doing good enough, princess? Need more?” That wasn’t necessarily what you were saying, but it was his way of working himself up even more than he already was. All you did was whine and nod your head, feeling so much at once. “Okay, okay, I’ll give you more.”

His hips picked up speed, skin slapping skin ringing throughout the room. Changbin picked up your top leg and held it in the air to let him fall deeper into you while the other kept a handful of your ass. His fingers dug into you, pulling at the skin to use as leverage to slam harder into your cunt. As you moaned incoherently and arched into the sheets, Changbin leaned over your body and fell into short staccatos of thrusts, keeping your sweet spot from feeling lonely for too long. You weren’t thinking about anything except the building heat in your stomach that only got hotter when you felt his lips attach to your neck, nudging your face to the side for more access. The feeling of his teeth nipping at your sensitive skin made you shiver.

“Better, princess? You’re loving this, aren’t you? Just laying there being pretty and taking everything I give you. Who trained you this well?” You shook your head, no, unable to fully process his words. “No one? I knew you were naturally perfect. Perfect pussy, fits me like a fucking glove.”

You were so close, his words doing you in more and more as he kept running his mouth. Changbin was in the same state as you were except he was unable to stop talking, saying everything he felt as he felt it like a broken record. But you loved it, and loved how easily he could make you melt. The building lava in your gut just needed a little more of a push to flood, you grabbed Changbin by the neck and met his lips while raking your nails through his hair. The way he moaned into your mouth was more than enough ear candy to make your orgasm hit you, hard and for so fucking long.

Changbin tried to fuck you through it, but your cunt had a vice grip as you clenched and convulsed around him, eventually milking him to completion just the same. Of course a guy who hadn’t felt the warmth of another person for so long would have a lot of cum to give, but he was on a whole other level. His orgasm was just as long as yours and filled you to the very, very brim with his seed, spilling out the sides of where his cock kept you plugged.

Sweaty bodies on top of one another, fluids drenching various places, heavy breaths filling the room, there was no place he’d rather be as Changbin’s head finally cleared. Post nut clarity, you were positively glowing, radiance embodied in his eyes as he watched your eyes flutter open and brush your hair from your face. Changbin peppered your cheeks with kisses, causing you to giggle and hold him closer, but he accidentally moved too fast and made you wince as his softening cock shifted. He told you to hold still as he went as gently as he could to remove himself, awestruck at his cum soiling your pussy. He’d almost raised a mass again, but looked away before he could.

Stealing a random shirt off the floor, he wiped away the residue and tossed it aside again to flop on the bed next to you. His arms wrapped around your neck, muscles almost suffocating you in the warmest way. Legs tangled, heart beats easing, you were close to falling asleep again.

“Do I really drool?” Your voice was muffled by the soft skin of his pecs, slightly nuzzling your face tighter into them.

Changbin froze for a second before lightly chuckling, “no, of course not, princess. I was joking.” Hearing the slight sarcasm in his voice, you whined and attempted to free yourself, though that was impossible with the headlock he had you in. Changbin wrangled you into staying still, kissing the top of your head and tightening his arms, “okay, you do. But it’s okay! I love being covered in your spit.”

He playfully licked your cheek as you tried to protest, kissing you more to ultimately shutting you up and fall victim to his body heat, and Changbin’s head was empty, entirely empty. Nothing left but tender touches, patchouli, and wondering how the hell neither of you realized that this was where you were supposed to be.

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @aliferousminho @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu

#stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfiction #skz smut #stray kids changbin #skz changbin #changbin smut #seo changbin smut #changbin x reader #changbin x yn #changbin x you #seo changbin #softdom!changbin #softdom!changbin x reader #skz ff #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #changbin fluff

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peachesofteal · 7 months

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Thinking about Undead disco AU where when the zombie virus just broke out what the group packed represents. Simon packed his guns, knives blunt objects heavy duty boots (protecting, keeping them together). Johnny packed first aid kit, MRE's, sleeping bags, meds, shitton of water, period products (necessities taking care of one another). And Darling packs Johnny's and Simon's favorite soaps, snacks, Simon's pillow for his bad neck, hand sanitizer, warm sweaters and blankets, hand cream because Johnny gets very dry hands (she packs the warmth, the kindness, humanity)

Thinking about YOU anon, thinking about you knowing these characters so well and understanding the shift in their dynamic in undead disco.

When they burst through the flat's front door to a frantic Darling who's been watching the news with wide, terrified eyes. Telling her to pack what she needs and to be as quick as she can, while also trying to be as calm as possible.

Simon busy ransacking the flat looking for any and all stashed weapons, everything from the old handgun in the closet to the kitchen knives. He needs to protect you, protect both of you. Nothing else matters. You and Johnny's survival is his job. Johnny emptying the pantry of the lightweight dry goods, crushing them down as small possible to make room, ensuring that there's enough variety in case your stomach decides to pitch a fit. He has to ensure you and Simon are well fed, well rested, for as long as possible, keeping you both in the best position to stay alive. Because nothing else matters to him.

And darling, standing in the bedroom, staring at Simon's expensive neck pillow in one hand, knowing how miserable he will be with it, and Johnny's sketchbook, knowing how he'll need it, just to escape every now and then.

#undead disco #crying #peaches asks

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dailyanarchistposts · 18 days

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A.1.5 Where does anarchism come from?

Where does anarchism come from? We can do no better than quote The Organisational Platform of the Libertarian Communists produced by participants of the Makhnovist movement in the Russian Revolution (see Section A.5.4). They point out that:

“The class struggle created by the enslavement of workers and their aspirations to liberty gave birth, in the oppression, to the idea of anarchism: the idea of the total negation of a social system based on the principles of classes and the State, and its replacement by a free non-statist society of workers under self-management. “So anarchism does not derive from the abstract reflections of an intellectual or a philosopher, but from the direct struggle of workers against capitalism, from the needs and necessities of the workers, from their aspirations to liberty and equality, aspirations which become particularly alive in the best heroic period of the life and struggle of the working masses. “The outstanding anarchist thinkers, Bakunin, Kropotkin and others, did not invent the idea of anarchism, but, having discovered it in the masses, simply helped by the strength of their thought and knowledge to specify and spread it.” [pp. 15–16]

Like the anarchist movement in general, the Makhnovists were a mass movement of working class people resisting the forces of authority, both Red (Communist) and White (Tsarist/Capitalist) in the Ukraine from 1917 to 1921. As Peter Marshall notes “anarchism … has traditionally found its chief supporters amongst workers and peasants.” [Demanding the Impossible, p. 652]

Anarchism was created in, and by, the struggle of the oppressed for freedom. For Kropotkin, for example, “Anarchism … originated in everyday struggles” and “the Anarchist movement was renewed each time it received an impression from some great practical lesson: it derived its origin from the teachings of life itself.” [Evolution and Environment, p. 58 and p. 57] For Proudhon, “the proof” of his mutualist ideas lay in the “current practice, revolutionary practice” of “those labour associations … which have spontaneously … been formed in Paris and Lyon … [show that the] organisation of credit and organisation of labour amount to one and the same.” [No Gods, No Masters, vol. 1, pp. 59–60] Indeed, as one historian argues, there was “close similarity between the associational ideal of Proudhon … and the program of the Lyon Mutualists” and that there was “a remarkable convergence [between the ideas], and it is likely that Proudhon was able to articulate his positive program more coherently because of the example of the silk workers of Lyon. The socialist ideal that he championed was already being realised, to a certain extent, by such workers.” [K. Steven Vincent, Pierre-Joseph Proudhon and the Rise of French Republican Socialism, p. 164]

Thus anarchism comes from the fight for liberty and our desires to lead a fully human life, one in which we have time to live, to love and to play. It was not created by a few people divorced from life, in ivory towers looking down upon society and making judgements upon it based on their notions of what is right and wrong. Rather, it was a product of working class struggle and resistance to authority, oppression and exploitation. As Albert Meltzer put it:

“There were never theoreticians of Anarchism as such, though it produced a number of theoreticians who discussed aspects of its philosophy. Anarchism has remained a creed that has been worked out in action rather than as the putting into practice of an intellectual idea. Very often, a bourgeois writer comes along and writes down what has already been worked out in practice by workers and peasants; he [or she] is attributed by bourgeois historians as being a leader, and by successive bourgeois writers (citing the bourgeois historians) as being one more case that proves the working class relies on bourgeois leadership.” [Anarchism: Arguments for and against, p. 18]

In Kropotkin’s eyes, “Anarchism had its origins in the same creative, constructive activity of the masses which has worked out in times past all the social institutions of mankind — and in the revolts … against the representatives of force, external to these social institutions, who had laid their hands on these institutions and used them for their own advantage.” More recently, “Anarchy was brought forth by the same critical and revolutionary protest which gave birth to Socialism in general.” Anarchism, unlike other forms of socialism, “lifted its sacrilegious arm, not only against Capitalism, but also against these pillars of Capitalism: Law, Authority, and the State.” All anarchist writers did was to “work out a general expression of [anarchism’s] principles, and the theoretical and scientific basis of its teachings” derived from the experiences of working class people in struggle as well as analysing the evolutionary tendencies of society in general. [Op. Cit., p. 19 and p. 57]

However, anarchistic tendencies and organisations in society have existed long before Proudhon put pen to paper in 1840 and declared himself an anarchist. While anarchism, as a specific political theory, was born with the rise of capitalism (Anarchism “emerged at the end of the eighteenth century …[and] took up the dual challenge of overthrowing both Capital and the State.” [Peter Marshall, Op. Cit., p. 4]) anarchist writers have analysed history for libertarian tendencies. Kropotkin argued, for example, that “from all times there have been Anarchists and Statists.” [Op. Cit., p. 16] In Mutual Aid (and elsewhere) Kropotkin analysed the libertarian aspects of previous societies and noted those that successfully implemented (to some degree) anarchist organisation or aspects of anarchism. He recognised this tendency of actual examples of anarchistic ideas to predate the creation of the “official” anarchist movement and argued that:

“From the remotest, stone-age antiquity, men [and women] have realised the evils that resulted from letting some of them acquire personal authority… Consequently they developed in the primitive clan, the village community, the medieval guild … and finally in the free medieval city, such institutions as enabled them to resist the encroachments upon their life and fortunes both of those strangers who conquered them, and those clansmen of their own who endeavoured to establish their personal authority.” [Anarchism, pp. 158–9]

Kropotkin placed the struggle of working class people (from which modern anarchism sprung) on par with these older forms of popular organisation. He argued that “the labour combinations… were an outcome of the same popular resistance to the growing power of the few — the capitalists in this case” as were the clan, the village community and so on, as were “the strikingly independent, freely federated activity of the ‘Sections’ of Paris and all great cities and many small ‘Communes’ during the French Revolution” in 1793. [Op. Cit., p. 159]

Thus, while anarchism as a political theory is an expression of working class struggle and self-activity against capitalism and the modern state, the ideas of anarchism have continually expressed themselves in action throughout human existence. Many indigenous peoples in North America and elsewhere, for example, practised anarchism for thousands of years before anarchism as a specific political theory existed. Similarly, anarchistic tendencies and organisations have existed in every major revolution — the New England Town Meetings during the American Revolution, the Parisian ‘Sections’ during the French Revolution, the workers’ councils and factory committees during the Russian Revolution to name just a few examples (see Murray Bookchin’s The Third Revolution for details). This is to be expected if anarchism is, as we argue, a product of resistance to authority then any society with authorities will provoke resistance to them and generate anarchistic tendencies (and, of course, any societies without authorities cannot help but being anarchistic).

In other words, anarchism is an expression of the struggle against oppression and exploitation, a generalisation of working people’s experiences and analyses of what is wrong with the current system and an expression of our hopes and dreams for a better future. This struggle existed before it was called anarchism, but the historic anarchist movement (i.e. groups of people calling their ideas anarchism and aiming for an anarchist society) is essentially a product of working class struggle against capitalism and the state, against oppression and exploitation, and for a free society of free and equal individuals.

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doctornolonger · 1 month

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The Killer Cats of Gin-Seng

In Survival, the last regular serial of Classic Doctor Who, the Doctor and Ace visit a planet of humanoid cats called “Cheetah People”. The Cheetah People are highly telepathic: they can mentally control and inhabit their pet cats, and they can even teleport between planets. Most notably, one of them is played by Lisa Barrowman, better known as Bernice Summerfield.

But this wasn’t actually the first time that humanoid cats had been set to appear in Doctor Who. In 1977, script editor Anthony Read commissioned his former collaborator David Weir to write the Season 15 finale, a four-part serial set on Gallifrey. The request was to explore society outside the Capitol with an emphasis on morality, a theme which Weir had written well in the past. So he pitched a story about Gallifreyan civilization of humanoid cats.

The Gallifreyan cat-people would have mirrored real-world cats’ dual penchant for both sophistication and savagery: they would appear advanced and civilized until the Doctor wound up in one of their elaborate gladiatorial displays! Weir delivered his scripts on time, and production proceeded to the point that Dee Robson designed costumes for the cat actors.

Ultimately the story was cancelled: Weir, by all accounts an excellent screenwriter, dramatically overestimated the show’s VFX capabilities and budget. But executive producer Graham Williams later mentioned the idea at a fan convention, so it became well-known in fandom (albeit under the false name The Killer Cats of Geng Singh). As a result, when Survival finally brought cat people to screens, fans naturally canonwelded the two.

One of these fans was Adrian Middleton, editor of the Apocrypha fanzine. Here’s how Apocrypha issue 1 covered the cats:

Apocrypha on the Killer Cats

THE GIANT CATS -16,000,000

The first intelligent mammalians on Gallifrey evolved from its version of the sabre-toothed Tiger. These giant cats developed a rudimentary form of empathic communication, which allowed them to influence the actions of their prey.

Over an extended period of time, the cats developed a finer telepathic ability, allowing them to actually control other species. This became a necessity as feline culture grew, as their physiological form prevented the use of tools to build or write with. Thus, in spite of their intelligence, the cats could not establish a true civilisation without anthropoid assistance.

FELINOID CIVILISATION -14,000,000

Early Gallifreyan hominids soon became the tools of feline culture. The first buildings on the planet were built by hominids but designed by cats, taking the form of vast stone arenas, in which the cats would use lesser species for sport - hunting and killing for pleasure rather than survival.

HOMINIDS -14,000,000/-13,980,000

Forced to live alongside saurian and feline predators, Gallifrey's first hominid tribes evolved as creatures of guile and stealth. Communities were established using primitive communications. These hominids were the cave-people, the tree-people, and the river-people.

THE FALL OF THE GIANT CATS -13,980,000

The hominid tribes had at first been easy prey for the cats, easily manipulated as a supply of muscle and food. Ultimately, however, the development of feline culture accelerated the development of hominid culture. Being made to use their hands and having the telepathic parts of their minds manipulated awakened a new sense of purpose within them. Seeing the cats as their slavers, they rebelled, exposing the cats to a coup so bloody that the species was all but wiped from the face of the planet.

THE LEGEND OF THE VANISHING CATS -13,800,000

It is rumoured that, after their defeat by the hominids, the giant cats fled to the mountains, where they hoped to restore their numbers (perhaps in an effort to restore their power over the hominids). Often hunting parties would venture into these mountains, bringing back the occasional cat. It seemed that the mental strength of the hominids had come to match their feline contemporaries.

Other psychic powers were attributed to the cats, including the power of teleportation. In Gallifrey's southern hemisphere, atop one of its highest mountains, there stands a crudely erected stone circle. Gallifreyan archaeologists determined that this was built by the cats themselves. Legend states that the giant cats emigrated by mass teleportation to another worlds. Few giant cats were seen from this time on, and those that did appear bore no telepathic powers. However, smaller domestic cats, or Kitlings, retained this ability.

WHY LINK THE KITLINGS FROM 'SURVIVAL' WITH THE KILLER CATS OF GALLIFREY?

The 'cat' theme is one that has been expanded on greatly in recent years. Colin Baker's cat motif and 'I am the cat that walks alone' slogan, followed by Eric Saward's novelisation of 'Slipback', set a pace followed by 'Survival' and the 'Cat's Cradle' trilogy.

Upon learning about 'The Killer Cats of Ginseng' by David Weir, everything seemed to fit into place. Cats can't exist everywhere in the universe, they have to come from somewhere - we have Earth cats, and Gallifrey has telepathic or empathic cats, just like the Kitlings.

Commentary

Since the 90s, a few stories have referenced the killer cats idea. Gary Russell’s VMA Invasion of the Cat-People mentions “mercenaries of Gin-Seng” alongside the Cheetah People in a list of felinoid species (hence the “canonical” spelling); there’s a similar offhand mention in Big Finish’s Erasure. But there’s only been one actual appearance of one of the cats: Daniel O’Mahony’s Faction Paradox short story “The Return of the King” (pdf).

“The Return of the King” is a prelude to the author’s 2008 novel Newtons Sleep. In that book there’s a glimpse of “the nocturnal delegations of the wild things, whose sharp bright teeth and claws gleamed in the dark of their robes.” The prelude elaborates,

[Time Lord Thessalia’s] oracle stays at the window, seething playfully below his hood. He has fiercely intelligent eyes, neither as sharp nor as bright as his scar. His mouth is a succulent white smile in a lightless face. His people have nothing but contempt for the rituals of the Great Houses. She’s little better than prey to him, a bloodless snack for his long teeth and hungry mind. He breathes, honeyed air purring out of the cavities of his body.

A killer cat kept as a Time Lord’s personal oracle … as @rassilon-imprimatur once noted, a funny recontextualization of The Mark of the Rani’s reference to the Lord President’s “pet cat”!

This was my first exposure to the killer cats, so I always took it for granted that they’d always had psychic or oracular abilities. But in fact, as best as I can tell, there was zero hint of this in the original serial. I tracked down every published description of the story, and they all amount to the same few repeated bits of information: Gallifrey, humanoid cats, and a gladiatorial arena. Richard Bignell ultimately told me, “No summary of Killers of the Dark exists. Even David Weir couldn’t recall anything about it when I spoke to him.”

So when “The Return of the King” features an oracular cat-man, it’s not just a reference to the unmade Classic serial. It’s a reference to fan interpretations like Middleton’s which canonweld that serial with the psychic Cheetah People.

And in some ways, it seems to be referencing Middleton’s version specifically! In “The Return of the King”, the above quoted memory is interrupted by commentary:

Your first oracle? ‘My last.’ You think? But his kind were vanishing from the world. ‘They were escaping the War. They could see it coming.’

Compare:

Legend states that the giant cats emigrated by mass teleportation to another worlds. Few giant cats were seen from this time on, and those that did appear bore no telepathic powers.

And so Middleton explains how the cats vanished in O’Mahony’s telling, and O’Mahony explains why they vanished.

Afterword

While we’re on the topic of why, why did O’Mahony choose to revive this specific idea in “The Return of the King”?

One of the places I checked for Killers of the Dark details was issue 336 of Doctor Who Magazine. Imagine how thrilled I was to find that the relevant “Accidental Tourist” piece, located one page after a Faction Paradox ad, was written by none other than O’Mahony himself!

Part of his reflection was particularly striking. He recaps the wild undefinedness of the Doctor’s backstory, a topic I’ve discussed before on this blog. But in his telling, the uncertainty extends past The War Games all the way to The Deadly Assassin.

After all, The War Games declared that “the Doctor’s people are the Time Lords”, but “who are the Time Lords?” was still left undefined. In the Time Lords’ many subsequent appearances, they were simply walking plot devices, and lore details were left to the wayside. Contradictions were rife. Who was Rassilon to Omega? Is their planet called “Gallifrey” or “Jewel”? Who or what on earth are the “First”, “Second”, and “Third Time Lord” who exiled the Doctor?

It was The Deadly Assassin which first dove into the details by featuring the Time Lords like they were any other of the show’s alien cultures. And for this, it was widely panned: “the fans had voted it the worst story of Season Fourteen and published reviews vociferously attacking its ‘betrayal’ of the Time Lords. The BBC practically disowned it, physically vandalising the master tape to placate Mary Whitehouse.” In other words, the stage was all set for a discarding of Holmes’ Time Lords.

O’Mahony writes in his conclusion,

The Deadly Assassin could have remained a one-off, its vision of the Doctor’s homeworld set at odds not just with the Gallifrey stories of the past but also those of the future. The Killer Cats of Geng Singh was the last chance to slip the leash. Williams loved the Time Lords but he had a raft of other ideas he could have put into play, not least the frustratingly deferred Guardians who were clearly intended as a new rung of the series cosmology above and beyond the Time Lords. The premise of Killer Cats was also to counterpoint the Time Lords with another Gallifreyan species – a race of humanoid cats that delighted in bloodthirsty gladiatorial contests alongside a highly refined culture. This wasn’t cribbing from The Deadly Assassin, this was building something new that would expand the newly-forged mythology of the series. In fact, with the cat-people on board and the Guardians waiting in the wings, the possibilities for Time Lord mythology were fluid. It might be possible to return to Gallifrey and find something new and exciting each time, different Gallifreys, with a mutable and ever-expanding history.

However, thanks to Killers of the Dark’s cancellation, Williams and Read were left with a slot to fill on short notice, and for The Invasion of Time they ultimately turned back to Holmes’ ideas. The Deadly Assassin wasn’t discarded or undermined, it was reentrenched.

This was the real moment that the Time Lords as we know them were crystallized: a real-world anchoring of the thread. This was when the whimsically-named planet “Gallifrey” definitively transformed into the rationalistic, stagnant, bureaucratic Homeworld that would feature in the Faction Paradox series.

Because in FP, by the time Grandfather Paradox enters the scene, the Great Houses are total strangers to whismy. It’s only through the course of the War that their understanding of the cosmos is broadened and stranger things begin to return to the Homeworld (with great vengeance).

By showing us a cat in the flesh, O’Mahony is finishing the housekeeping: just as the Intuitive Revelation banished the Pythia, the Eremites, and the Carnival Queen; just as the Grey Eminence unwrote Gallifrey’s first childbirth; and just as the Eternals “despaired of this reality, and fled their hallowed halls” at first hint of conflict – the Killer Cats have to leave to set the scene for the War to come.

P.S.

In Baker’s End, Tom Baker wound up “the King of Cats”. What does this imply about the Other?!?

#Doctor Who Apocrypha #the return of the king #daniel o'mahony #archival #effortpost #newtons sleep #60s who #for archival purposes #only #no copyright infringement intended #will remove upon request #baker's end #the deadly assassin #killer cats of gin-seng #the invasion of time #fourth doctor #survival #faction paradox

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