#pain pals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tavyliasin · 3 months

Text

A gift, from Tavylia and the Dear Abdirak fans who made this happen, and of course the star of the show himself~

Hello darlings, dear ones, and sinners all~ This cameo is our gift, for all of us who know pain a little too intimately. Written and joint funded by Abdirak fans and Lia, to provide some measure of comfort. Please, enjoy, know you are heard, you are loved, and you are never alone when enduring the most intense of Loviatar's affections. (And all my gratitude to Declan for making this so very swiftly right before going offline for his holiday)

--- The script, including content there was no space for, and some more notes from Lia, will follow after the cut~ This one is clean, no NSFW content, so feel free to proceed at your leisure. For those new here, please be aware that the majority of my content is around NSFW writing with a few art shares and essays on fandom things. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay even if you're only here for this one video.

About The Script

Even with the additional payment, the maximum character limit in a request is 650. My original draft? 1117. We got out the knives, we cut it up, we boiled it down to the most pertinent line, and still had to defenestrate some of the punctuation. Far be it from me to ever know the meaning of brevity, loves, simply not in my extensive vocabulary. I also cannot thank Declan enough for the stunning performance, both in the game and in the cameo, and for giving us a character who we can relate to and adore in so many unexpected ways.

The Script We Sent

[greeting] Loviatar Maiden of Pain felt the echo of your pain singing through infinite realities. In her mercy, she has allowed us to speak. Agony is a cloak that you wear, armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you, but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is unnecessary. Let go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise & fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim. Breathe. Whether it is of the flesh or mind, your devotions have been heard. [reminder to share burdens/rely on each other/not alone/anything else]

The Original Draft Script

Greetings, Dear Ones, beloved of Loviatar - perhaps too beloved, in your case… Your pain sang through the fabric of the planes of infinite realities, catching and pulling at the Weave like a loose thread. My Goddess, the Maiden of Pain, she felt your echo through her web. Through her mercy, she has allowed me to speak with you. Agony is a cloak that you wear, an armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you…but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is not necessary. Let it go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise and fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim through them all. Breathe, keep your head above the water. Whether it is of the flesh or of the mind, your devotions have been heard by our most beloved Maiden of Pain. You endure it well, and you are not alone. There are other voices that sing her melody, listen for them, share your burdens and know you are all very dearly loved by the most gracious Loviatar. Even if her affections are a little excessive…

Lia's Notes And Thanks

First of all, a HUGE thank you to the dear ones who helped this happen, with encouragement, editing advice, and throwing some pennies in the pot to cover the cost I couldn't do alone. I shan't name names but you are already well aware of the endless affection I hold for you all. For everyone else, I really do hope this brings you some measure of comfort. It's important to recognise how much we tend to give of ourselves even when we suffer most, and how harsh we can be towards ourselves too.

You are not a burden, having needs is normal and natural, the people who matter most should be there to support you just as you would wish to be there to support them were your roles reversed.

We can rely on each other to a degree, even if it is just to listen, to say "I understand, it's alright to feel all of the things you are feeling. You do not have to be strong, you do not have to wear that mask of endurance with me." So do let go of that guilt, dear one, it does not serve you. If you would like to read more of a discussion on chronic pain, Abdirak, fandom, please see the main essay on the topic (click here) though be aware there is discussion of the more spicy topic of how pleasure and pain can be entwined, even for those of us who feel too much pain in our every day.

Tavylia's Offer

I'm going to round this one off with a simple offer to you all. Should you wish for words of comfort from a beloved character (probably BG3 but if I know the character well enough I can try others), send them to my ask box, or on Discord/Twitter/Anything on my Carrd. This is what I have worked on before, mostly SFW (only some light suggestive moments) as the focus is on comfort to the reader.

Abdirak - Migraine Comfort Yurgir - Migraine Comfort Tav - General Comfort, with Audio Multi-Character Comfort Drabbles (Including Abdirak)

If my little words can bring you any measure of comfort or relief, you need only ask.

Farewell for now, Dear Ones, darlings, loves, Pain Pals, - all of you. Please take care of yourselves - hydrate, nourish, and for the sake of the gods please allow yourself some rest and be kind to yourself for a change. And I do mean all of you. No exceptions, now. Love yourself with grace and forgiveness, care for yourself as if you were the most precious friend you have ever made. I hope to see you all very soon~

May Loviatar's blessings be more merciful. ~ Lia

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #abdirak #cameo #chronic pain #chronic illness #comfort #words of comfort #comfort in fiction #pain pals #Loviatar #loviatar loves you as you are #tavylia also loves you #so learn to love yourself too #feel free to share this post and save the video for the times you need to hear it most #thank you again to everyone who helped make this happen you're stunning you really are

94 notes · View notes

justanillvampire · 1 month

Text

Pain Pals Wanted

I just want some friends. Some randoms to chat to. Anyone out there just wanting to chat or start a online friendship? Just have to be 18+ because I’m old (25) and I don’t want to have to worry about what I say. The conversation could be anything your problems/venting, plants, the weather 😹 I dont care. I just feel so disconnected from this tumblr since my old one got shadow banned and on a separate note I’m just so lost in life.

6 notes · View notes

gayjaytodd · 2 months

Text

just in case you're wondering how bad antisemitism is online by now: my friend had to take down the memorial post she made on IG for her dad and stepmum (who died less than a week ago) bc people were spamming it with "free palestine" and "two less zionists is a good thing" comments

#antisemitism #I'm. tired #why is it that we are never allowed to grieve? why is our pain always politicised? why does it feel like jewish pain never matters?#what are we supposed to do with our grief and our pain and our sorrow? where are we allowed to put it?#I told a pal from uni abt it and was told to 'stop playing the victim' :)

624 notes · View notes

kaltacore · 3 months

Text

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them!#but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

306 notes · View notes

nomlioart · 4 months

Text

merry rizzmas everyone

#i love to imagine that pep gus and stick are the best pals and mr stick is the pain in the ass and the third wheel #also some people ship noisette x vigi and noise x noisette but let's not forget that noisette has two hands so i ship all three of them lol #pizza tower #peppino #peppino spaghetti #gustavo #mr stick #the noise #noisette #the vigilante #pizzahead #pepstavo #noise x noisette x vigilante #my art #my stuff

376 notes · View notes

rayix · 5 months

Text

Mugman edit just because

#cuphead #mugman #the cuphead show #cuphead show #cddwtd #cuphead dont deal with the devil #edit #my edit #cuphead edit #cuphead and his pal mugman #cuphead don't deal with the devil #cuphead and mugman #:) pain #sorry if the lineart is wonky I can’t do straight lines :

362 notes · View notes

swordsonnet · 11 months

Text

the most annoying thing about me/cfs is that it's more like 10 different illnesses in a trenchcoat. i'll wake up with a new symptom and be like "oh okay, guess that's what we're doing today"

#pretty much anything can be a symptom of me/cfs so you're constantly left wondering if the new bullshit you're going through #is a sign of some other illness or if its just your old pal me/cfs getting creative again #ive been having a really bad whole body itch these past few days and i have no idea where it's coming from or when it's going to go away #but i would like not to feel like theres an electric current running beneath my skin thanks #i think the constant fatigue brain fog and muscle pain is more than enough #maybe it's just a crash or something though idk #(briefly) left the house for the first time in over a month on friday and it was really nice but my body Did Not Like It #so now its punishing me for my hubris #ugh #chronic illness #actually chronically ill #me/cfs #myalgic encephalomyelitis #chronic fatigue syndrome #can someone please come up with a better name for this illness #chronic illness fuckery

173 notes · View notes

edelbleu · 6 months

Text

Nagi calling Reo アホちん (aho-chin) is actually pretty cute. could’ve said just アホ (idiot), but added the ちん at the end 🥺 dummy

#nagireo #blue lock spoilers #episode nagi #epng 17 #we lived through another chapter pals #but at what cost #seeing Nagi pouting in bed while thinking of Reo was the highlight for me tbh #i'm choosing to focus on that instead of the pain they're going through

63 notes · View notes

taidelmoro · 6 months

Text

spoonie penpal wanted!! 🥄

♿ looking for a chronically ill and/or autistic penpal!

Hey, hello! :]

My name's Tai, I'm 22 years old, from Brazil & I'm looking for a pen pal!

I'm specifically looking for a chronically ill, disabled and/or autistic penpal to share experiences only spoonies would understand - if you are not a spoonie yourself but u are supportive and respectful, you can still send a request if you're interested! ♾

🌼 About me!

🦇 I deal with multiple diagnosis;

Autism, Connective Tissue Disorder (currently investigating Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), dysautonomia & autoimmune conditions (SLE) + comorbidities like IBS, food intolerances, mental disorders, etc).

All diagnosed, but we still have more questions than answers.

🦇 I'm an artist 🎨 [Tradicional & Digital] ;

🦇 I speak english & brazilian portuguese;

🦇 I'm kinda new to penpaling;

I've always loved writing letters & crafting gifts, but I'm new to actual penpaling, so you could be my first ever actual penpal! (I also researched a whole lot about it so call me experienced >:] )

🦇 I might need to take breaks;

I might take a bit longer to send letters or need to take breaks from time to time due to my health conditions.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

🤎 Hobbies: All sorts of art, journaling, baking, gardening, listening to music (i love SOAD) & watching cartoons (i love OTGW);

🤎 Interests: Art, nature, halloween, animations / cartoons, minecraft, all animals!!, paganism/witchcraft, alt styles, etc.

☆ Special Interests: Commemorative dates & festivals, nature and studying about neurodiversity and medical conditions.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

🤎 Ideal penpal:

• Snail mail preferably, but digital's also ok!

• Long term (preferably);

• Any gender, any location, any age above 18;

• LGBTQ+ friendly, trans ally, etc;

• If not disabled themselves, respectful towards disabled people;

• Likes getting creative / crafty w/ their letters, but is also open to share thoughts, ramble and build a friendship (i don't mind long letters!!!);

• Is someone who can be patient and understanding about my mental and physical limitations;

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

👻 What else to expect from me? 🖍

• stickers!!! • poems • tea • trinkets •

• pretty letters • pressed flowers •

• lots of drawings & doodles • existential crisis •

• we can talk about the extras we have / would like!! ♡

Anyways, feel free to DM me or comment if you're interested!

☆ e-mail: [email protected]

Lets chat for a bit :] ⭐

70 notes · View notes

elidoesartss · 6 months

Text

Wires

Clearer versions under the cut!

#qualia automata #ghost and pals #team 6x111 #vane lily #cruormor #my art #mariyam ghost and pals #mariyam #end world normopathy #the halo was a pain to draw

65 notes · View notes

crimeronan · 7 months

Text

princess luz AU memes for the soul

and, finally:

#princess luz au #toh #lumity #horrible mindscape trauma pals #shitty idiot repression gang #and who is that other witch #princess luz au memes #luz noceda #hunter toh #amity blight #i'm in an inordinate amount of pain so i made these in the bathtub instead of sleeping.

66 notes · View notes

good-beanswrites · 2 months

Note

I’m thinking about the angst of the restraints headcanon again. There’s the two with the least physically violent crimes, and they rank relatively low in strength. There’s the child who was violent but had to be really crafty about it; she’s the weakest of all of them. And the most dangerous of the guilty prisoners cannot be restrained.

This makes me so emotional!!! All three are the smallest of their circles. Two of them are extremely ordinary people who have never experienced/expressed physical violence before. One hadn't even fathomed the idea of someone dying until they actually did. And yet, they're subjected to the type of restraints you'd expect to see on someone who is uncontrollably violent. The fact that prisoners who committed very gruesome murders can walk free (including Mikoto) just adds insult to injury. I still couldn't everything into words, but here's a Mahiru-centric drabble featuring the same thoughts. It takes place after T1 closes but before the attacks.

“Where are our rights?”

Fuuta’s shout caused Mahiru to wince. She perched on her bedding, watching the two prisoners she’d invited to her cell. It hadn’t been the fun kind of invitation, though. Back in school, she always wanted to have parties and dates back at her place. Moving to the city, she imagined what it would be like to make university friends and take them back home with her to talk, eat, and have fun.

Sitting in her dim gray cell with Fuuta and Amane, all of them held fast by complex sets of restraints, was not what she’d had in mind.

Amane knelt in the corner. Her arms were crossed, as if pouting, though the opposite was true. A moment ago her eyes had lowered in prayer, but it was difficult to find any peace of mind now. Fuuta snapped and shouted as he paced the length of the cell bars. They were unlocked, but like the others, he didn’t feel like being out in front of everyone. He’d give his uniform a violent jerk every now and then, but it didn’t do any good. Between his strides and growls, he made Mahiru think of those poor wild animals they keep at the circus.

“Take it easy, Fuuta.” She mustered up a smile. “Come rest with us.”

“I can’t believe you two. You’re just gonna sit here and take it? I didn’t do a fucking thing! They’re acting like I’m some big danger to society,” he yanked his arms again, to no avail. “All I did was type some things onto a screen. I’m not gonna go around stabbing anyone or anything. And you, you didn’t hurt anyone either!”

He nodded his head to Mahiru. If her arms weren’t already folded over her chest, she would have hugged herself anyway.

“Well… I did hurt him in the end… I broke his heart badly enough that… I mean, he…”

Fuuta made a disgusted sound. “That’s all stupid romance stuff. I’m saying, you never stabbed him. Never strangled him. Never poisoned his food, or –”

“Oh god, no! How horrible…”

“Exactly! From what we’ve heard, it sounds like Haruka killed someone with his bare hands. I think Muu had a knife or something. Shidou had a whole arsenal of grisly doctor tools. Kotoko has openly talked about how she beat that guy to death. Why are they allowed to walk free while we’re tied down like wild animals?”

Mahiru was glad she hadn’t mentioned the circus.

“And Amane! It’s not like she did anything violent, and here she is!”

“That is not true.”

Both paused as Amane spoke up for the first time.

“Eh?”

“While I disagree with my verdict, the restraints make sense.” The others still stared blankly. As matter-of-fact as always, she continued. “I killed with my own hands. I used the amount of force I was instructed to. Just as the sinner fears the wrath of heaven, I can understand how the godless warden would fear my justice.”

Fuuta’s passion wavered, but Mahiru could feel her heart ache for the girl. “Oh Amane… I had no idea. To be pushed to the point of violence at your age…”

“I am not to be pitied. As I said, I am dangerous, and proud to be. I am doing god’s work. All heroes must be dangerous.”

Fuuta grunted, but said nothing. Mahiru gave her a gentle smile. “It’s not pity. Even if you were dangerous, it’s horrible to restrain someone like you. You’ve already had to brave so much, as the smallest of the bunch.”

She looked between the two. A sad laugh escaped her. “Now that I think of it, I guess we’re all the smallest here, hm? Aside from maybe Muu, we don’t have much height or strength on the others…”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Fuuta cried. “The fuck do they think we’re going to do?” Mahiru was just glad he’d focused on that rather than the fact she’d just called him weak.

Voices raised in conversation down the hallway. Mikoto’s laugh echoed faintly into the cell.

It warmed Mahiru to hear. Things had been so hard on him here. Though it had been frightening to hear him shouting at the restraints til his voice was raw – well, it wasn’t him shouting – it had been a relief when he appeared free and relaxed the following day. He seemed sheepish that he wasn’t able to help the others, having no memory of his escape. Mahiru just kept telling him how happy she was for him.

Fuuta didn’t share in the sentiment. “Meanwhile, Mikoto gets to stroll around free, and he beat the shit out of Es! He could snap and kill any one of us here, and they don’t even give a damn. But ooohhh, god forbid the guy who’s never been violent a day in his life is allowed to use his own two hands!”

The harshness of his voice wasn’t doing his argument many favors. Still, his words were beginning to get through to Mahiru.

She’d worked so hard to be a model citizen. She was supposed to have a perfect life. She could cook, clean, sew, and take care of children. She did herself up every day; she was never a slob or a slut. She was generous to everyone she met. She showered the world around her in love. Wasn’t it unfair that her hands were tied like some common criminal? What was all that effort for – being patient when people upset her, being kind even when she disagreed with someone, all of that – if she was going to end up in the same place as someone who had stabbed another out of sheer malice?

Amane didn’t seem to be whirling with the same doubts. She closed her eyes once more. “It is simply a trial from heaven. We may be small, but all of us have an internal strength that will carry us through the ordeal.”

“I don’t think it’s any sort of religious thing, but you’re right,” Fuuta puffed his chest out. “Trials like this only make people stronger!”

“Do you think so?” Mahiru wasn’t sure if she was asking either of them or just musing to herself. It was a nice thought. This was all part of destiny, something meant to be that would make her stronger in the end.

But she wasn’t so sure she believed in destiny anymore. It hadn’t quite worked out the first time.

“Hell yeah!” Fuuta must have assumed she was in fact asking him. He gave a wide, toothy grin. “It’s not like we can get any weaker, right? The warden better watch out next trial – they’ve got a big storm coming!”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #and then we had a big storm coming 😔#thank you for the ask pal!!! im not sure if the drabble is what you had in mind but it was really fun to write lol #mahiru canonically being really tiny and trying to be the model nonconfrontational woman...#fuuta being so small and specifically saying hes never been violent toward anyone and never wanted anyone to get physically hurt...#(and something about fuuta being the closest to the average milgram fan)#amane being very small and weak and only killed a specific person for a very predictable reason...#and theyre all treated like wild animals that could snap at any time :((#meanwhile the actually unpredictable one who Did lash out and hurt someone just strolls around free #not that its anyones fault hes free -- it wasnt on purpose -- but still it makes the situation that much more painful #it makes me crazy!! i thought putting it into action would help communicate my ideas but idk #drabbles

36 notes · View notes

lilac-multifandom-multishipper · 5 months

Text

i just listened to a sick cover of novocaine and my braces started hurting guys what does this mean

#ghost and pals #ghost #vocaloid #novocaine #trash dentist #tagging his bitch ass bc he needs to fight me like an adult instead of sending passive aggressive pain vibes my way

51 notes · View notes

13eyond13 · 11 months

Text

People hate on Light for many many (mostly valid) reasons, but you can't deny that he's so incredibly organized and so determined to handle most things by himself that being his admin or his receptionist or his assistant would probably be a dream

#this post brought to you by me being a receptionist for a couple of extremely opposite people #and the one who reminds me of light i find is SO NICE to work for #the extreme organization and planning ahead and clear boundaries and expectations my god #never burdens you by venting emotionally at you or changing his mind about things half a dozen times just makes clear decisions #and keeps most of his stress to himself #i feel like yeah light's scary in many ways but that when it comes to working in an office with him it's like #can't say enough good things about the guy he's just pleasant and reliable and responsible af #of course he might say something to you like 'uhh sorry all the receptionists look the same to me'#and there wouldn't be a whole lot of idle chitchat or lazy down time or being pals with him at work #BUT as long as he isnt a pain in the butt in all the other ways then we'd be good lol #light yagami #p

86 notes · View notes

thedreadvampy · 5 months

Text

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

30 notes · View notes

yael-art-den · 8 months

Text

Finished Siv's doodle and some refs for his wild shapes (i got a bit too lazy to properly color them ngl).

Backstory and stuff under cut!

So, first of, he usually wears a shirt or some resemblance of hide armor, but today was a tits-out kind of day. While I was working on this sketch I was able to think more about his backstory and why he is like... that.

He is a Blood Druid ("HB"), making his wild shapes turn into undead versions of the animals he is turning into, plus some other... fucked up stuff. Siv was supposed to be his family's next druidic leader; An amazonian-like very matriarchal type of Circle, but he started having doubts about all of that. Furthermore, he doesn't know why yet, but it seems like his connection to nature has been severed. At some point during his early adulthood, his druidic power started to act very, very wrong. Wild shapes turn into monstrosities and mixtures of various animals, ribcages and entrails ripped open and oozing blood and gore everywhere every time he transforms.

Siv eventually kinda fled under the excuse of searching for a cure or an explanation of what was going on with him; but in the time he spent away from the circle, fully transitioned. He feels extreme pressure about fixing whatever is wrong with him as soon as possible to resume his duties, but internally fears the rejection of this family once he comes back; and is overcompensating for the fear of being a family failure with BIG druid traditionalism and trying to force-fix the problem withing his powers with more magic and seals. Still no luck tho

Idk man, maybe if you fixed your whole relationship with your own gender your transformation magic will fix itself. Maybe

#yes YES trans people turning into monsters in a good way #pain turned physical and psycological stuff being expressed through magic #something something my man fix your relationship with gender and your druidic stuff will be normal again man #i love him so much grr bark bark grr #also lowkey shipping him with Sundown. just two gays being pals #dnd #oc #trans men #doodle #druid #dnd druid #own art #oc: siv

49 notes · View notes