Dear professor this assignment did not nourish my fundamentally curious soul so i did not do it No penalty full 100 points please Goodbye!

i feel like if tomorrow i woke up and didn’t care about hockey anymore or any players or any narratives (dark timeline) i would still carry deep within my heart that quote about mike richards and jeff carter. you guys know the one. mike likes jeff but jeff LOVES mike. the amount that i think about that quote is genuinely off the charts given that i think if you held a gun to my head i could not pick mike richards out of a lineup either now OR back when this quote was said. like if i was going to take ONE thing away from my hockey experience i think it would be mike likes jeff but jeff loves mike. someone said that about them. a teammate, right? imagine getting put on your ass like that by a coworker. it says so much about that dynamic that i can’t stop thinking about even though, again, i know nothing about that era or their actual relationship. the quote says so much. the fact that someone who knew them said it, and said it to someone who wrote it down and then published it says so much. there’s just so much there. if i woke up tomorrow and felt nothing for sid’s bowlegs or kris’s bitchy eyebrows or that time claude giroux bit erik gudbranson’s jersey, if i tossed all my merch and jerseys and collectibles in the trash and felt nothing but a vague sense of satisfaction, if i forgot every stat and number and playoff projection, i know that i would still daily catch my own gaze in my reflection in the mirror and think to myself: mike likes jeff, but jeff loves mike.

genuinely inconsolable I can't have one of these pompeii bread plushies fr.

400th point and the leading shorthanded goal scorer in the NHL baby

helppp

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Abc: welcome to the abc family how do you feel about Buck being queer?

Oliver:

I am BEGGING professional sports to consolidate their games into one convienent place to watch.

I do not want to get Amazon Prime for Monday games and then TNT for a Wednesday. Ope now it's Friday so let's head over to ESPN. BUT NOW it's the 3rd Thursday of the month and it rained on the 8th of the month so this broadcast will be on CSPAN instead of Cartoon Network with a special rebroadcast on Disney Channel with the game being played by the cast of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

It's legit insanity and this is the exact reason I will continue to sail the seven seas. Get fucked.

obsessed with whatever psychosexual thing the leafs and bruins head coaches are up to via media interviews

yes yes you’re very beautiful. Bewitching, even. AWFUL parking job, by the way

never beating the princess allegations

connor gets pushed around by the kings, likes it...?

there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop by vinay krishnan

opposing teams' fans who have not gotten new material since 2006: Crosby's a whiner.

Sid, approaching the ref with a bullet list: Here are the biggest of your most recent fuck ups. I've provided a five step plan to help you improve your performance. Yes, I did use a green pen. Green is for growth. I believe you have the capacity to grow and be better. I hope you do, too, because your performance today was subpar and also embarrassing. Be better.