No one accepted you and loved you unconditionally and instead of doing it for yourself you take it out on anyone who has figured out how to do it for themselves.

The Biggest Problem With Hazbin Hotel's Rehabilitation Mentality Is Trying To Make All Sinners Victims Instead Of Owning Up To Their Own Sins

I think the biggest problem with Hazbin Hotel rehabilitation mentality is that they focus in on how sinners are victim of circumstances rather than owning up to their problems and changing themselves. I think the biggest thing with this series is the fact that they think the problem is society instead of someone's own issues how they got into hell.

One of the first indications of this bs is making it out that Lucifer and Lilith were just misunderstood dreamers were against a strict ignoring that they caused sin in the world and caused help humanity's downfall. But the narrative ignores that fact and tries to treat them as victims of heaven, so we can have Lucifer as a misunderstood sad boy instead of how in the Bible he was jealous of humanity and wanted to bring it down with him due to God's love for them. A misunderstood sad boy wouldn't do this type of shit and Vivziepop selling it a load of it.

I know this is going to be controversial but I think Angel Dust is hindered as a character but not focusing on what got him into hell. And it wasn't just the drugs and sex, because he did kill people and some of them probably didn't end up in hell. So just imagine him being sent to heaven and his former victims recognized him for his crimes and until now showed repentance. However, the narrative even then doesn't focus on that fact but the idea he's a total victim and doesn't show part of his way to redemption is get his life back together and admit he's done shit where he wasn't the victim but the victimizer. One could say he was put through that life, but then again show his sister is in heaven and that she chose a life of virtue and made it. So, he has no excuse of his dad or brother getting himself into hell except himself and he needs to work on it. Even if he's a victim to Valentino, he still is a victimizer in someone else's eyes who recognizes him decades ago.

And I am also going to say this the Extermination is used as a way to have all of hell be turned into pitied victims that you forget a lot of them are in hell for a reason. And even more they are doing antics that got them probably into hell like murder, sex, and other types of depravity. While not all sinners are on the same level, the exterminations as a whole just i used to make you forget that they are there for a reason and erase that there is a reason they weren't given a chance into heaven. Seriously, Emily herself called them innocent souls when in any other scene they are far from innocent and the reason why Adam is depicted as a one note villain is because they can't fathom the idea that maybe the Extermination could be used to cull the worst sinners or something.

I think the biggest problem with Hazbin Hotel's every sinner is really a victim it comes ironically counter to finding redemption. A show which Vivziepop says she inspires from but she completely misses the point is Bojack. She says she's watched it but the biggest point of the show just because you are the victim doesn't give you an excuse to act like a total jackass to others and not own up to your mistakes. The problem is Habzin Hotel never lets anyone own up because they have to play victims, especially any character favored by Vivziepop. Redemption doesn't come from seeing yourself as a victim, but recognizing your own mistakes and how to reform from them. And frankly I didn't see Angel Dust want to reform from his mistakes, but just want a home away from Val. The problem is that Hazbin Hotel is about enforcing victimhood instead of owning up that you did bad things and need to change. An excuse for your behavior is still not fully an excuse and you need to own up to your actions.

if the mc had issues with disassociation how would the m6 help keep them grounded?

The Arcana HCs: M6 helping MC with disassociation

~ ah, the perfect opportunity for some fluffy headcanons. learning to live inside your own body full-time can be tricky and overwhelming, so have some comfort my dears! - brainrot ~

Julian

He's the type of person to completely fixate on something to the point of tuning everything else out, so he just assumes you're zoning out too at first

Until he spends more time with you and starts to realize that there's more going on

He takes a doctor's approach, figuring out different ways to measure how you're doing and help you ground

One of the ways he tests how disassociated you are is telling you an extravagant story and watching how you react. How long does it take for you to either play into or call him on his BS?

Cycles through different approaches recommended in medical research to find what works best to ground you

He's very good at guiding you through one minute meditations, gently placing a cool hand over your eyes and telling you to focus on your face, your jaw, your shoulders, etc

If he notices you're completely out of it in public, he'll make your excuses for you and guide you somewhere more private to check in on you

Asra

Safe touch. So much touch

They're pretty clued in to you, but Faust picks up on your state faster than you do most of the time. She'll alert Asra if they haven't noticed yet, sliding across your shoulders for a squeeze

He takes a very subtle approach to grounding you unless you're both alone

It'll mostly be pushing at your heart's bond, helping you find and hold onto a mental tether for your body while they hold your hand

If you're home or alone, he'll use some simple spells to make your surroundings more engaging, maybe some colorful whorls to watch or a glowing light to hold

They also like using their own body to engage you, to the extent that you're comfortable with it. They'll hold you to their heartbeat and give you their hands to squeeze and play with

They love zoning out too, so if you're in a good mental space they'll pull you into a pillow pile and spend the afternoon staring at the ceiling with you

Nadia

Being as perceptive as she is, she gets her own understanding of what's going on before you describe it to her

The way she sees it, it's like your mind kicks itself into a detached, dreamlike state while your body is still awake

Which saddens her, because she thinks your body is fantastic and you deserve to enjoy your life without anything in the way

If it's in public, she'll keep a sharp eye on you and run her hand along your arm, waiting for a good moment to ground you without pulling too much attention to you

In more private settings, she's much freer

She'll call attention to different parts of your body, the way she's holding your hands, the carpet under your feet, the perfumed oils she's holding under your nose

She does struggle a bit with feeling rejected at first, when she's talking to you and she watches the way your eyes grow distant

But she understands where you're coming from, and is always ready to guide you back to her where you belong

Muriel

He noticed you regularly dissociating right off the bat. It takes one to know one

Though he didn't really think to try helping you ground yourself until he saw Inanna responding the same way she does for him

He immediately recognized her behavioral patterns, the way she kept poking her cold, wet nose into your hands and face and leaning all of her warm, furry weight into you

If it's nice out, he'll take you on a walk through the woods and hand you a few light, sensory things to hold for him, like a feather or patch of moss or smooth rock

If it's better to stay in he'll invite you to make something with him, maybe basket weaving or wrapping a new grip on one of his tools

Won't let you carve or do anything involving a knife, just to be safe

Very good at reading whether being out of touch is actually a safe thing for you right now, and follows through accordingly

If you're in public then he'll take your hand and leave with you (he didn't really want to be there either)

Portia

She's the quickest to notice when you're not listening anymore, though at first she assumed it was because she wasn't interesting enough

Once she knows what's going on, she's always prepared and knows exactly what to do to make things easier for you to ground yourself

As observant as she is, she's not very confident in her abilities to actually ground you, but she'll be present and encouraging the whole time

If you're in public, she'll cover for you until she can get you somewhere safer and quieter

She'll make you feel cozy and safe - fuzzy blankets, a hot or cold drink depending on the weather, a music box to listen to, whatever stimulates your senses without being overwhelming

Pepi is so helpful. She'll climb on your lap, knead whatever she can reach, and purr as loudly as she can

Lots of hugs and hand holding

Lucio

He assumes it's perfectly normal

Shell shock, that's what all the medics on the field called it. If you want to spend the day staring at the wall, he'll just entertain himself until you're back to reality

When you apologize for being out of it all day he's surprised, and even more so when you tell him it's not an ideal thing to do

Very ready to help you ground yourself, but he's still working on his patience and shaking your shoulders while he tells you "alright, it's safe, you can come back now" doesn't work that well

Until Mercedes and Melchior get involved. They'll lick your face, push their furry bodies against you, and yip and whine until you're feeling better

Since they do so well, Lucio figures he can leave you in their capable paws and focus on keeping you safe instead

You two will eventually discover that sparring is a very effective method of grounding, and you'll end up doing that together every afternoon

Halcandran Days

Watching playthroughs of Return to Dreamland DX and seeing Halcandra again made me surprisingly nostalgic for this old comic project I had…basically, my idea was that when Susie disappeared as a child, she ended up on Halcandra with Magolor, and they grew up together while she tried to find a way to get home.  At the time, I considered it the definitive backstory for Magolor and Susie in my little gijinka universe, and it’s a large part of the reason why I almost always write these two characters as friends, even to this day. ^^

The script was very character-focused; lots of long conversations between these innocent-yet-edgy children who argued with each other all the time. ^^; I can see why I didn’t finish drawing it, but after re-reading it there’s not much I would change. I think what I enjoyed the most was the bittersweet undertones, like having Susie talk about how much she misses her father and how anxious she is to get home…while knowing the plot of Planet Robobot and that Haltmann won’t even recognize her. :[ Or establishing Magolor as someone scared of everything and desperate to be liked…while knowing the plot of KRtDL and that these insecurities eventually morph into an insatiable desire for power. 8[ Like, even as these kids slowly learn to get along and have lots of cute moments together, they have no idea how much misery lies in store for them in the future, and that fact hangs over the story like a cloud. ^^;;;

Anyway, so this post doesn’t end on such a depressing note, here’s a couple of my favorite plot points: -Susie is the one who teaches Magolor how to lie. ^^ Baby Mags’ collection of research material is his whole world, and at first he doesn’t even understand the point of engaging with things that aren’t true. Susie, on the other hand, was raised surrounded by capitalist BS and knows the advantages of getting people to trust you and believe what you want them to. She actually lies to him a lot throughout the story (usually just to spare his feelings, as one does with a little child) and he resents it every time…of course, as the reader, we know that he’ll eventually come to appreciate and emulate her behavior, now that deception is his trademark character trait. ^^ I thought this was surprisingly clever, considering how long ago I wrote it. -Security Force is based on Metal General for a reason! ^^ Basically, there’s a story beat in which Susie and Mags travel to Egg Engines, where they’re attacked by the Metal General…but when it gets damaged in an accident, they decide to have mercy and repair it, and in return it helps them acquire an Energy Sphere. From that point on, the three remain friends, and Susie promises to get her father to build a robot just like it someday…and as the reader we know this does happen, despite it all. I just really enjoy this story beat; it’s the sweetest and the best-written, and if I ever were to resurrect any part of this comic, that’s the one I would pick.<3

ED and Attachment Trauma Part 3

This situation is what happened with R. In an attempt to keep this simple I’ll just say that R had me come to her restaurant that she owned and ordered me both breakfast and lunch, refused to let me get up unless I ate it, and set up multiple obstacles so I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Just the sheer magnitude of having this dynamic play out like that was intoxicating. Especially after I had spent years in an uncaring work environment. Finally someone gave a damn. The reason R had me come to her restaurant that day was that it was a 3 day weekend because of the Fourth of July holiday which would mean I would have two days off from PHP instead of one. (Sunday and Monday instead of just Sunday) After PHP started back up again I was desperate to continue getting that feeling from R. Everyday after lunch I would text her and tell her how badly I wanted to purge which was true. I really was desperate to purge but I had staff who could help me through that moment and instead I reached out to R. Over and over again. It became too much and eventually R said she needed space. More stuff happened that I won’t get into but essentially my behavior ended our friendship. It was crushing and it took years for me to move on.

As you can see this has played out in multiple ways many times in my life. It is the ed behaviors that creates these scenarios and craving these scenarios is a result of my trauma. Therefore when I get told that we can’t work on the trauma until the ed is stabilized I get frustrated because the ed behaviors aren’t going to stop until I can find a different way to A)get my needs met and B) heal from the trauma.

The one thing I really appreciated about K was that she recognized that this dynamic wasn’t about ‘attention seeking’ ie: wanting to be the center of attention nor was I purposely being manipulative. She helped me understand that this was about getting my needs met while also expressing things that I either couldn’t put into words or wasn’t able to vocalize at all due to the consequences of doing so. This is where I get mad at K for leaving me. She knew all of this. She knows why these behaviors happen for me (my Mom’s emotional abuse, neglect, and abandonment of me-side note: that was really, really hard to type out) and that I need someone (a stable attachment figure) to show me a better, more healthier way of going about things and stay with me while that healthier pattern gets implemented. She knows that attachment trauma is treated by having a stable attachment with someone else. And, yet, here we are. It makes me question what I did. Was I too much? Just like I was too much for R? And just like I was too much for BS and DI this past summer?

Anyway, this was a lot write about and I also know it’s a lot to read so I don’t really expect anyone to have gotten this far but I appreciate it if you did. I finally have it all written out and put together in the way it makes sense. I realize people probably already put two and two together and made sense of all of this just by what I’ve written in the past. But writing this out was helpful for me. I hope that at some point this pattern can change.

Revelations I had today:

-'I'm tired of all this drama' = 'I'm tired of all these witnesses who keep monitoring my crummy behavior'. Twas a means to get me alone, away from others, so he could gaslight me later if needed. And I feel disgusting after realizing this. No one was there to help verify his behavior, validate that he was in the wrong.

-'You see the absolute worst in everyone; you assume they have bad intentions'. Do I? Or did he? Because I seem to be on pretty good terms with my coworkers now, after I told him to butt out and stop 'helping'. Lots of jokes, laughter, and stories these days. And they're keeping an eye on me, protecting me even, to keep him at bay. And I will admit, it feels weird to have so many people supporting me through this. But it's also kinda nice.

-He told me I wasn't communicating enough, or clearly. I did! communicate. I even repeated myself, multiple times, used different wording, different tone, used analogies and metaphors. On multiple occasions. The most frustrating part is he said that he got it, that he understood. It is NOT my fault he didn't truly understand. It is not my fault that he could not understand. It is not my fault that he in essence lied to me.

-He cherry-picked through what I was saying, latching onto things that furthered his narrative. If I called him out on his BS, he didn't recognize it. If I tell him 'I called HR because I want you to leave me alone, to stop texting and calling me; how dare you call my best friend; leave her out of this', where tf does he get 'so you went to HR because I wanted to talk to you over the phone? I can't do text-only like you wanted, so you should've picked up the phone; how dare YOU violate MY boundaries'. Like, what a leap in logic is that?

-I only texted with him at all these past two weeks because I was stupid in December and deleted his abusive texts. I needed to refresh the archive. If I hadn't thought the text archive would be needed for the HR investigation, he would have remained 100% ignored in my spam folder.

-It is not my fault if I was as clear as possible, as concise, and he still did not understand. If 'no I don't want to date you under these circumstances' is not clear cut enough, he never would have gotten the message.

-The situationship did not fold because I didn't try hard enough. He did not care enough to listen and Hear what I was saying. Both overtly and subtexually.

-His failure to learn my boundaries - despite numerous chances and reminders - does not make me a bad teacher. It does not make me a bad self-advocate.

-His failure to respect my boundaries does not mean they are worthless.

-Boundary violations do not reflect on my worth as a person with wants, needs, and values.

-He thought I was caged. I am disciplined. There is a difference.

-He thinks I'm controlled by a fear of others' perceptions. I am controlled by a fear of not living up to my perception of myself.

-I'm not entirely blameless in this mess. I do have shortcomings. Mine here are that I didn't enforce my boundaries early enough. I did not vocalize them clearly enough the first few instances they were violated. I caved when he explained why they were incompatible with his wants/needs/desires.

I was weak when he wanted to speak in January. I should have listened to my own gut sooner. I should have said 'no' and meant it, enforced it. I should have stood by my decisions - not let him come and undermine them. I should not have let him use me.

I should not have stewed in resentment without speaking about it when I began feeling that way. I should not have allowed him to make all the rules and decisions. I should have pitched in a few of my own, and made sure he played by them, or honored them. I should have recognized his words and actions were incongruous. I should have demanded his respect, consistently, rather than expecting him to give it freely on his own.

I should have put in the work to protect myself better, much sooner. I gave up on him. I gave up on a future with him. I felt he was slowing me down, not adding to my life, detracting from it. I felt he was not the safe, constructive, reliable person I needed. And I didn't say any of this for fear of triggering another fight - until the pot boiled over and I was proven right, on all 3 counts.

I didn't have enough patience for him and his sometimes conflicting wants/needs/desires. I didn't want to wait for him to grow up. I didn't want to take that much time to help him see the big picture; to make sure he understood where I was coming from. I was tired of begging for a chance to interrupt/rebut things in his endless monologue. (And still he claims I didn't know him! Spoken like a true, pompous windbag.)

I didn't want to keep wasting my time and my breath for nothing in return. I knew what he was, and what he was capable of, and I allowed him to burn me not once, but twice. I loved him and his approval and his lovebombing more than I loved myself. I lied to myself. I tried to explain away his abuses. I didn't want to admit to becoming a statistic.

-It does not make me a bad person for reaching the end of my rope.

-It does not make me a bad person for saying 'enough'.

-It does not make me a bad person for saying 'this treatment ends here, today'.

-I don't 'need to come to my senses'. I've already woken up to the reality of the situation, after turning a blind eye for so long.

-I don't need to wait until June to end this, on his terms. We will end things on mine, today.

-I'm back in control of my present and future.

Companions as Hallmark Christmas Movie Love Interests

Happy Holidays!! I’ve been watching a LOT of bad Christmas Movies, so here are the companions as Hallmark movie love interests! (I’ve left out Codsworth, Dogmeat, Strong, and DLC companions.) [disclaimer: I know most jobs listed in these do not work in the way that I will imply, but that’s pretty standard for these kinds of films, so I’m rolling with it. Also, most of these are based off of SOME movie I’ve seen this Christmas, so obviously it’s not going to be super original. They’re Hallmark movies; they’re not supposed to be ‘good.’]

Note: I’d love to expand these into a fic, but I really don’t have the free time right now. If anyone is interested in taking one of these ideas and running with it, please do!! Just tag me when you’re done so I can read it!!

Cait- Cait owns a bar and she has a strict “No Christmas” policy. No Christmas music. No singing Christmas carols. No decorations. She hates the holidays because she thinks that all of the happiness and love that they inspire is a bunch of BS. She say’s it’s all fake for the sake of Christmas cards and holiday specials. One day, you’re the last patrion in her bar, and Cait slips on some ice while she’s locking up. You take her to the hospital and she has *gasp* AMNESIA. You let Cait stay with you because you can’t find any friends or family of hers, and the hospital can’t keep her. To your surprise, this Cait actually seems to like Christmas. She treats everything like she’s learning about it for the very first time. She’s not all soft and lovey-dovey, sure, but she doesn’t mind the peppermint bark and ice skating and snowball fights and eggnog. As she begins to get her memory back, she gets colder, and she opens up to you that the reason she hates Christmas is because Christmas never meant anything to her as a child. Her parents were mean to her 24/7, and that didn’t stop around the holidays, which is why Cait was always so certain that Christmas cheer was a hoax. Cait regains her full memories, but because of your re-introduction to the holiday, she doesn’t mind it as much anymore. She’s no santa claus, but she does stock up on peppermint vodka and candy canes for the bar, and wears a mistletoe headband during December, which you always manage to take advantage of. 

Curie- Curie is the owner of a flower shop in North Pole, Alaska. Every year, more people move out of town, and Curie has to try to sell more items during Christmas, which is her most profitable season. You’re a character actor who works as an elf for a mall santa agency, and this year, you’re sent to the Fairbanks/North Pole region. One day, you go to see the sights in North Pole and meet Curie while she’s working in her shop. She’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. You ask if she’s busy, and she mentions that she just lost her only employee to the local Build-a-Bear. She charms you, and you apply on the spot. After she hires you, you realize that there’s a well dressed real estate executive that comes in at least once a week to hit on Curie. She explains that he’s been offering to help her business in exchange for a date, but she won’t do it. As you and Curie ready up for the Holidays, you realize that you’re really compatible. You have fights with the fake snow used for window displays, you help organize flowers in the walk in freezer together and bring hot chocolate in when it gets too cold, and you start sneaking kisses to one another when you have to retrieve an order from the back. One day, the business man comes in and tells you that he’s buying the land that your shop is built on unless you can afford to pay an astronomical hike in rent. Curie begins to worry that she’ll have to sell her shop, but you promise her that it won’t happen. Together, you come up with the idea to sell Christmas packages online, so families who live far away from each other can send a little piece of christmas to other family members for the holidays. The idea takes off. Not only are you able to sustain the hike in rent, but you’re able to pay for your own land to move the shop, so Curie will never have to worry about rent again. You never go back to the mall santa place, and you run your shop with Curie for years, making a comfortable living in a cozy town. 

Danse- Oh, Paladin Danse-- He’s the son of the president, and one of the best generals in the country, and he’s getting married. You are the baker for his wedding. One day, when you’re trying to haul a prototype cake to the other end of the capitol building to put on display to show Danse and his future spouse, you turn a corner and run into Danse, covering the both of you in cake. You don’t recognize him, and he doesn’t introduce himself, but offers to help you in any way he can to rebuild the cake. He insists on helping, so you let him, which sparks a friendship between you. Once the cake is ready, you bring it back upstairs, to find Danse and his spouse ready to look at the cake. Danse and you start speaking when you run into each other in the halls, and one day, he asks you on a walk around the grounds, where he confesses to you that he doesn’t personally feel attracted to his spouse, but it must be done for the good of the country. Just before his wedding, you confess your feelings and Danse runs off. The wedding comes to a halt and nobody knows why until Danse shows up to tell his future spouse that he can’t go through with this because he is in love with someone else. He approaches you as you’re cleaning up the confectionary table and tells you that he has to be true to himself, and that means being true to you. 

Deacon- You’re a server working at a diner in a moderately large town. Deacon comes in one day and introduces himself as the new hire. You train him, and he’s kind of terrible, but he makes you laugh. You slip him your number after a week or so of light flirting and banter, but he turns you down. You leave to let Deacon close, but realize that you left your phone at the diner in an embarrassed hurry. You head back to the restaurant and find Deacon snooping through the boss’s files! After you catch him, he confesses that he’s an undercover spy, sent to keep an eye on your boss, who is suspected of using the diner to launder money. Now that you know, Deacon brings you on as his partner, and swears you to secrecy. You two go on a cute stakeout, have researching sessions together, and slowly fall in love over the course of December. At the end of the month, you come in for a shift to see your boss being arrested, and Deacon isn’t there. It isn’t until Christmas eve that you get a knock on your door. Deacon is there with takeout. He explains that his boss decided to go in without asking him, and they forced him back to the office, barring any outside contact until he could provide a full report. He confesses that he has fallen in love with you, but has also lost his job because of it, because he confessed to breaking cover. You reunite with a warm kiss and warm takeout, and, now that you’re both jobless, you start a P.I. agency together. 

Hancock- Oh. Oh. Oh. BAD BOY CELEBRITY gets in trouble with his publicist over general bad-boy-scandalous behavior. YOU are a choir director for a low income rec center in a small town and you are putting on a Christmas Pageant. You don’t have the funds, but eventually the publicist finds out about your little operation, and she is ALL over it. She brings Hancock in to work with the kids and she brings an entire media team with him. He’s arrogant at first, and doesn’t even remember your name for the first few days, but you notice a change in him as you begin to work together. As skeptical as you are, Hancock really connects with the kids, and really seems to care about the Christmas Pageant. While you’re there, the kids start teasing you two, and implying that you have crushes on each other. In the end, The publicist scores him a comeback story and interview on a national morning talk show, but it would mean missing the pageant. While it seems like he’s chosen to go to the talk show, he changes his mind and arrives just before the pageant with flowers to apologize. After you accept his apology, the kids push you two under some construction paper and white puffball mistletoe. 

MacCready- RJ is a single father who is still getting over the death of his wife. He has yet to move on in part due to his son’s illness. You are an heiress to a rather large fortune, but you’re told that you have a year to get a job and learn about good old fashioned hard work before you’re allowed to have access to the fortune. You start out with no discernible skills, so you become a babysitter for RJ. He goes to work in the evening as a security guard and you take care of Duncan at home. Duncan confesses to you that things haven’t been the same since his mother died. One night, you decide to ask Duncan what he wants for Christmas, and he tells you that he told the Santa Claus at the mall that he wants his dad to be okay. One night, RJ comes home and confesses that with the holidays coming up, he doesn’t know if he can afford to keep paying you to watch him every night, to which you reply that you’d gladly work for half salary. One night, you two stay up until Duncan has to get up for school, just talking about your lives. MacCready starts inviting you on outings with him and Duncan. One day, after RJ loses his job and can no longer to afford medicine for Duncan, you confess to him that you’ve been rich the entire time, and that you can pay for it yourself. MacCready accuses you of lying to him this entire time about who you are, and he asks if he can ever trust you again. You tell him that omitting to your fortune was a lie, but your feelings for him never were. You two make up, move into a house together, and Duncan thanks you for granting him his wish. 

Nick Valentine- Did someone say GHOST ROMANCE? Yes, I did. You inherit a small farmhouse from an old relative that you haven’t seen in years. You go to get a good look at to see if it’s even salvageable, and you find that not only is it relatively well kept, but things move when you’re not looking. You spend the night and are woken up in the middle of the night by someone rummaging around in the attic. You find Nick, and you threaten to call the police. He’s polite, and promises it’s not what it looks like, but tells you not to call the police. When you do, they show up to find nothing in your house. Once they leave, you turn back, and Nick is in your house again. He explains that he’s a ghost, and for some reason, he can only be seen by the deed holder of the house, which is why your relative hasn’t been to the house in years. Nick explains that he died in this house a few decades ago, but he doesn’t know how it happened. Determined to figure it out in hopes that it can help him pass on, he was looking in the attic to see if it might have any proof of how he died and if foul play was involved. Over the course of your investigations, you two become good friends, and as much as you want it to be more, you tell yourself that it could never happen. Together, you slowly piece together that Nick was murdered just before proposing to the daughter of someone who used to own the house. As you and Nick celebrate this information, you realize that Nick hasn’t passed on. Nick explains that ghosts can’t pass on until they feel they have nothing to leave behind. He explains that he has grown attached to you, and doesn’t want to leave you behind. You move into the Farmhouse with Nick where you two live until your spirits can both pass on together. 

Piper- Piper is a journalist who has been tasked with writing a weekly features column about Christmas, but she has found herself disillusioned with the holidays. She thought she’d be getting a Christmas bonus that she could use to buy Nat something special, but there was never a bonus, and money is really really tight. You’re quite literally the child of Santa Claus who has been sent out into the world to be with the people and really learn what the true meaning of Christmas is before you start your apprenticeship with your father to be the next in line. You meet Piper at charity event where you’re gathering toys to send to low income communities. After Piper interviews you, you start asking her questions, and upon seeing that the cold world has turned such a warm heart into a Christmas cynic, you decide to give her the Christmas of a lifetime. I’m talking ice skating, light shows, snow on christmas, and Nat getting a few extra presents. On Christmas eve, you’re called back to the North Pole. Your dad wants you to start your apprenticeship with him on Christmas by seeing how it’s done. You tell him that you can’t, because you have your own duties this Christmas, and he’s proud of you for that. You tell Piper about your dad, and she doesn’t believe you at first, but after bringing her and Nat to the North Pole to see it all happen, she apologizes for not believing you. You kiss, and agree to split time between the North Pole and Piper’s hometown, because you would never make her give up what she loves. 

Preston- You grew up in a small town, but moved to the city to get a job at an ad agency. Around the holidays, your agency notes that they’re looking for something more down-to-earth and rustic for their new ‘winter campaign,’ so they send you to your hometown for Christmas. They’re expecting a campaign plan by new years, but while you’re trying to do your job, you find Preston, selling Christmas trees at the local Christmas tree farm and greenhouse. He teaches you to slow down, and to appreciate a christmas built on family, camaraderie, and love. You use your ad/social media experience to save his dying christmas tree farm. At the end of the year, you decide to quit your job and stay with Preston, who brings you on as a partner in the business and in life. 

X6-88- X6 is a loan company executive who has been sent to audit the inn that you have been taking care of since your spouse passed away years ago. He’s quite serious and no-nonsense, which clashes with the capacity for compassion that you clearly possess. He thinks such traits are inefficient and pointless. Despite that, you include him in all of the Christmas dinners and events that you have planned, even if he’s not enthused about them. Through the Christmastime events that you plan for the inn throughout the Christmas season, X6 realizes that you’re not just all heart and no head. You have great ideas, and you’re inclusive of him even when he’s pessimistic. He uses his own knowledge of your loan plan to outsmart his own company and save your inn for the time being. He decides to leave his job in the city to live with you at the inn so he can handle the business and finances. 

Acosf review (with spoilers)

The story started out strong, like really strong, the best work from SJM so far. I cried multiple times, I felt so strongly for my homegirl Nesta.

But the story fizzled out towards the end imo, Cassian and Nesta was having too much sex for no reason at all. Like the first three or four times, IMMACULATE. feysand could never. But then towards the end they were becoming feysand 2.0.

Not always a bad thing, coz they’re a better written version of feysand, but in one of their sex scenes, like the one on the table, it felt more like feysand than nessian. They corrected course eventually, during solstice, but at one point there they were in the feysand rabbit hole.

There was also a lot of fan service in the last part, especially with Nesta participating in blood rite. I also didn’t like how much feysand we got in this book especially in the end and the whole pregnancy plot was just cringe.

There were things I waited so long to be addressed but they weren’t addressed, but coz of how the story unfolded, it didn’t matter anymore really, but I still wished they did.

Like almost everything from last solstice was addressed except for when Cassian said he didn’t understand how his sisters still love her & Cassian realizing he was so wrong about her bullshiit behavior. But then they were also indirectly resolved or addressed, only not to my satisfaction.

I did like and respect SJM for allowing the IC especially Rhys and feyre to be terrible, coz omg I know I’m biased but even if you liked them, you had to recognize how shitty they were most of the times in this book. And I also didn’t like how much they took over the story that was supposed to be about nesta and Cassian.

I honestly still dunno what Amren and Nesta fought about except for some bs reason that Amren chose feyre when everyone did choose feyre she was the high lady

Ugh elain, fucking elain. I hate her more than I do feyre. I was right about her and so glad she was called out on her bs multiple times. While the chasm between elain and nesta wasn’t resolved like with nesta and feyre was, I’m glad it wasn’t coz if the next book is about her and Azriel, elain has a lot of shit she needs to work out as well.

I still think that the fact Nesta is more powerful than anyone and can rule entire world not just pyrthian, they need to thank who they need to thank that nesta still has low self esteem even after everything that she’s just happy to have Cassian and the house of wind at the end of all this.

Give her time tho...give her time tho...😏

Cassian, I get it, to him feysand is relationship goals, not that he wants to be them but wants to feel deserving of what they have too. But boy is obsessed. I love how he defended and protected Nesta from the IC, and he was gonna die for her so there’s no questioning his love for Nesta, but at the same time, he was never really presented that conundrum or had to prove where his loyalty lies, is it with his mate or his high lord and lady

At best he played referee and stayed neutral and got in between them, but pushed come to shove, who will he defend and protect? My heart says nesta but logic dictates it will be Rhys or feyre.

The thing with Mor also never really addressed, even if nesta admits she’s jealous of her and her history with Cassian.

Basically Cassian got away with a lot of shit that should’ve been addressed but at the same time he also did a lot of things that proved himself and that those things didn’t seem important to address anymore, idk.

I still think it’s bullshit how IC decided to finally help Nesta, but I did like Nesta did the work all on her own afterwards and Cassian just needed to start listening instead of forcing her to do what he wants

I get the whole physical training thing and her leading her own army of female warriors I approve of that, but she never really trained her actual magical powers, like it was just assumed the physical training also helped with her magic but those are two different things??

I loved her friendship with emerie and gywn, I totally stan, one of my favorite things that happened to her. And the HOUSE.

Nesta smiling. Laughing. We got it multiple times. I loved it.

Did I love how Nessian was ultimately resolved? I did. The only parts I didn’t like about it was feysand stealing moments from them, like especially towards the end. They just admitted to themselves they’re mates couldn’t we savor that a little bit more but no I have to read about feysand stupid bargain and her bleeding.

I am iffy about the deserving storyline part, coz hate it but I also get it. I didn’t like that burden was all on Nesta, and that she didn’t deserve to be loved. Coz lbr none of these fuckers deserves her anyways, but it’s what she wanted, Amren’s friendship, her sisters forgiveness, Cassian’s everything, & honestly gaining Rhys respect and acceptance coz she might not like him but the people she loves does.

I did like that she resolved her issues with feysand without having to directly apologize to him or feyre, and she has Rhys kneeling and at the palm of her hand by the end of it, coz it’s not about Rhys it’s about the people they both love needing them to get over whatever it is they hate about each other.

While she did give back what she took from the cauldron, the mother still let her keep enough of it that she could still easily handle the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter rip off). So that still makes her more powerful than most if not all of IC. She is still a death goddess who chose life.

I deserved to see their mating ceremony tho, like we couldn’t have an epilogue or one more chapter to show that

LOVED: nesta, the house, emerie, Cassian, Azriel, Gwynn

HATED: Elain, Amren, Mor, Rhys, Feyre, the tacky river house

DIDNT CARE: Lucien, Eris, the human queen, koschei, honestly the villains were bland I couldn’t care about the threat they posed, they were merely plot devices

tw: voltron and anxiety

my brain has just accepted it as fact that Lance was most likely head hostage negotiator for his friends’ sanity while in space and let me tell you why

first order of business: i must establish that Lance is cannocially a goofball. this is factual and cannon. he is confident and charming and assertive and always the first to make a stupid joke just to put everyone at ease or piss them off because he loves them and that’s his thing. he wants to annoy the shit out of them and make them laugh not only because they need it but because he does too.

while i’ve seen a lot of posts suggesting Lance could have ADHD (and while i pretty much agree in that deduction and what i suggest in this post goes hand in hand with this disorder in particular, it requires a more thorough explanation that i as someone with adhd feel like they can provide a solid reasoning behind this theory) i think it can more simply be put as a headcannon that he has general anxiety or a generalized anxiety disorder that manifests in his self worth/esteem making him require more validation, affection, assurance despite his own portrayal of confidence and security (of which is a coping mechanism meshed with pre-existing personality traits). this is done through humor and affection for others, i. e. why he’s the “class clown” of which is a common example used for this type of behavior.

i recognize that voltron is a team of TEENAGERS at war in and entirely new enviornment with none of their usual comforts who have lots of hormones and logical fears that they have to navigate all while tasked with an immense responsibility. that’s stressful in and of itself. but this leads my brain to come to the obvious conclusion that any time a member of voltron exhibited anxiety, so like showed symptoms that they were about to have a panic attack, were stuck in a pattern of irrational thinking, showed harmful coping behaviors related to irrational fear, etc. Lance would sus it out and be at their side immediately to talk them down. no funny business. no jokes until he was sure they were feeling better. his cockiness would disappear and instead he’d be calm, he was always so composed, so comforting. he wouldn’t leave their side until it passed. he’d check on them throughout the day to make sure they hadn’t gotten worked up again. he’d even probably recognized their individual triggers and symptoms and became the only one who could effectively talk them down. every single one. it didn’t matter if they were in the middle of a mission. if something happened to trigger them he would drop whatever he was doing to go to their aid. he had been dealing with this his whole life, and they had just been introduced to such an intense dose of it and were expected to perform. in a hostile environment! and Lance being the softhearted goof he is definitely wouldn’t forgive himself if they got hurt or hurt themselves when he could’ve helped.

and so... Lance has assigned himself an enormous task because he’s Lance. everyone has sort of caught on to this and just accept Lance as being so strangely in tune with their well-being in this regard, all of them having varying degrees of understanding why, the general picture being it likely runs in his family and he is well aversed in both experiencing it and mollifying it. so when ever Shiro is hit by a flash back or has gone catatonic in a more intense episode of his cannon PTSD, it’s Lance and Keith at his side making sure he’s safe from hurting himself, they protect him from getting hurt if it happens in the middle of a mission, and from possibly hurting the people around him. Lance is a light sleeper and is often woken up by light cries and whimpers of his friends having nightmares, depending on which direction they come from warrants his level of concern (he goes by where their room is and the pitch of their cries, because they all get nightmares every now and again, they’re at ~war~ and it’s traumatizing, but some of his friends have worse reactions and tendencies in that state) and sometimes if they never quiet he’ll wait up to make sure they fall asleep okay and that no one hurts themselves in their delirium. and similarly, when Keith is rocked by a string of sleepless, nightmare ridden nights or occasional bouts of insomnia (neither officially established as cannon) and turns up to breakfast sleep deprived and sluggish Lance keeps an eye on him, takes it easy on him with his chiding, watches to see that he doesn’t over exert himself and end up snapping at someone and then crumbling from an exhaustion induced anxiety attack, especially when they’re out on a mission where the stakes are higher to maintain your composure. Lance is there when Hunk who is the most expressively anxious of the bunch is feeling particularly skiddish about a circumstance or on a dangerous mission or in anticipation of one of their teammates stumbling out of their cryopod in tact. he is especially good at knowing what’ll trigger his best friend and can usually manage some reassuring words before he goes full fight or flight and loses his lunch. but what’s most impressive is when he gets through to Pidge. she is a perfectionist, she needs constant intellectual stimulation to calm her nerves but the long hours she spends straining her eyes and her brain is also what makes her inclined to breakdown after a tough mission or during a difficult training session or from aparticularly tactless joke from one of the boys about her height and the like, but especially from frustration about not being able to solve a problem. but when Pidge breaks down it’s like next level bad, her usual practicality and composure utterly abandoned since when she’s lost her logical exterior it’s after a long time of surpressing her emotions, so if she has started crying she usually can’t get herself to stop, on several occasions hyperventilating and passing out. Lance seems to be the only one whose reassuring words she can prescribe to. he does breathing excercises with her to regain a normal breathing pattern and let’s her fall asleep on his chest so she can feel the rise and fall and emulate it. There’s fully now a whumpy fic that i wrote about this dynamic... here.

and the entire team is there to support Lance when he has an episode of his own anxiety. though he is really good at rationalizing his intrusive thoughts when he’s overwhelmed or panicked, it’s all of his good vibes only bs that helps him neutralize most of his anxiety before it builds. but when it does build up it usually manifests in him breaking down over the thought that he might never see his family again, it’s constricting, it’s the only thing he can’t rationalize. his team is very aware of this and try to comfort him before he spirals and usually catch it. Pidge even tries to do his own breathing techniques with him sometimes. and Hunk is especially good at calming him after a nightmare that he wakes up screaming from, usually about his family member dying or him dying before he gets to say goodbye, but Hunk is there whispering mantras in spanish to him until he calms down enough to go back to sleep.

so basically Lance is voltron’s emotional support animal and no one can convince me otherwise.

i digress.

The thing i noticed when i look at dabihawks fanart n read through your expiriences with the meta part of the fandom is that a lot of people seem to lean on dabi side of the dabihawks conflict. Like its hawks who has to make changes to earn dabi. Its hawks whos turned it a villain, its hawks who forgives or even thanks dabi for what he did. Actually i dont think ive ever seen art ro read a fic (but to be fair im extremly selective in fic reading) where dabi is the one to apologise and try to earn hawks

N i think this sorta makes sense because for a lot of dabihawks shippers, dabi is probably their favorite out of the two. That also makes sense cuz hes been around longer n has appealing design so it makes sense that people would try and fit hawks around dabis narrative instead of vice versa. They find dabi more likable n more interesting so its his side they want to explore.

I feel that this is completely different for me because hawks is my no 1 best boy. Like before hawks bnha was the kind of show where i would say 'oh i like the characters but none of them are mine fav' like id say shouto, shinsou or jirou were my favs mostly based on aesthetics or recognizing pieces i usually like in characters in them, but those pieces never being strong enough for me to say this is my fav bnha character like id say izaya is my favorite durarara character or ranpo is my favorite bungo stray dogs character. And then bam. Bird Time. Like when i first saw hawks i think the most i thought was 'damn thats a cool design' but as we got more of him he very quickly became the character i loved most and wanted to see more off.

Dabi on the other hand i was never really interested in. Like he was cool n all but overall i didnt really care for him until the touya theory dropped and until dabihawks. For me hes perfectly fine, i dont dislike him or anything but i like him most when hes involved with other characters i like, like Todorokis n Hawks. Like even now after a good while on Dabihawks juice id still stay hes not my fav villain. That would probably be Toga, Geten (as little as we get of him) and honestly mr compress just for being an evil magician i need more mr compress

So the fact that hawks is my fav means that unlike ppl whos fav is dabi i focus more on how can dabi earn hawks. How can dabi get better, would he ask for help, would he quit villainy, would he apologize. And most importantly would hawks accept him back.

Makes me feel like amongst dabihawks shippers theres simply two different streams that would probably get annoyed by each others content n feel like the other is spoiling their fav character.

Like i sure as fuck get annoyed when artists i follow for dabihawks start talking about how hawks should have been a villain n how hawks is actually an evil murderer while the league has a point n is poiting out that the heroes will save only those who dont fight back. No really thats a take i heard, lets just forget muscular, mustard, moonfish, gentle, the yakuza and ALL FOR FUCKING ONE who were all arrested perfectly fine without fighting back. But of course these people dont mean saved as in arrested, forced to rexamin their own behavior and work to be better people, they mean saved as in i want my favs to be coddled and patted on the back and instantly forgiven and even told they were right all along and they are the most special a good. Geeze

I fuckin went off subject so hard this is less of an ask n more of a rant now. The only good thing about seeing all those bad takes is that every time i see one my motivation to write a dabihawks story where dabi faces concequences, and they actually have to hash the whole villain hero ideologies thing out, grows stronger

...I’m sorry, I wanted to answer this sooner but wanted to get the smaller asks out of the way first T-T

But yes! That’s been my experience when it comes to Dabihawks as well. Not many people focus on Hawks side of the conflict and instead tend to make him the agressor in the relationship when they want conflict (it always tends to be Hawks who upsets Dabi for example, or Hawks will say something insensitive towards Dabi or do something that upsets Dabi). Not many people treat them as a pair, they just tend to focus on the Dabi angst more then the Hawks angst or angst experienced by the both of them (I like to call that the Dabias and many people suffer from it in the Dabihawks shipping fandom I’ve found).

I like reading stories like this too, from time to time, but I’m just tired of all the stories or comics or fan art being Hawks the bad person in the relationship with him having to apologise and make it up to Dabi. Especially when in canon it’s Dabi that has treated Hawks pretty terribly (he almost got him killed by lying to him about when he was going to release High End and he almost killed him during the raid, meanwhile Hawks hasn’t anything as horrible towards Dabi except hold him at knife point but that was more for his own protection then to threaten Dabi).

I feel like I’m just bitching because people don’t wrote fanfiction to my specifications but you’d be grumpy too if your favourite character always gets the short end of the stick in work that is supposed to be about the pair of them being a couple.

Also don’t get me started on the stories that make Hawks “see the light” and join Dabi’s side after he maimed him, some even going far as to have him thank Dabi for what he did. It just reeks of the Dabias and I absolutely hate. Let Hawks experience trauma you cowards, especially trauma that we know was caused by the hands of dear old Dabi.

I wish more work would try to reform Dabi as a person instead of having Hawks become a villain (especially because works that usually have Hawks become a villain tend to ignore the horrifying plans the League want to commit or acknowledged them but fool themselves into thinking Hawks would actually be down for all the BS). I think it’s more interesting to see a bad person try to change, it’s why I’ve enjoyed Endeavor’s character arc despite not liking him as a character. Like sure, I don’t mind bastardization arcs too but they have to be done with character I can see it happening too and Hawks isn’t that type of person.

(In fact it’s such an interesting source of conflict that Dabi and Hawks are very resolved people. They’re not likely to change their ways for anything but I don’t really see people explore that even though it’s the perfect source for angst).

I’m so tired of villain stans who wanted Hawks to become evil (and then wanted him to validate their murder favs). I want more stories where Hawks puts his foot down and Dabi realises he wants to be a better person for him (it’s in those stories I could actually see him bonding with his family again too because right now Dabi is a man with no qualms with breaking his family apart for his revenge).

I just wished more people would let Dabi face the consequences of his actions too. Like if you’re going to make Hawks suffer for what he did (even though I roll my eyes at the thought) then Dabi who has done much worse should be suffering ten times over.

Make it make sense.

Recruited: Chapter 11

[Another chapter in the books! This one runs parallel in time to the last (which will be pretty obvious) and has a little more action! So enjoy, have fun, etc.

And don’t forget: you can find the rest of this series and soem of my other BS for this blog here!]

Nabooru

Their trio of space pods burst through Noya's atmosphere and slammed into the surface, a triangle of craters left in their wake. Nabooru replaced her scouter on the side of her face, a press of the button causing the yellow characters to flash across the orange glass as it started back up. She opened up the door and floated out of her pod, touching down on the maroon dirt. A teal, creeping vegetation sprawled over it as far as the eye could see. In the distance, she noted the silhouette of a city or village  and a range of mountains beyond it.

She stretched and glanced to her side as Nappa and Raditz joined her, both working out the kinks in their own joints from the long trip. "Awfully quiet here. Where do you think that team is? Hope they didn't kick the bucket before we got here," Nappa said, popping his knuckles. "Maybe it means we'll get a good fight out of these guys if they're calling in reinforcements."

The repetitive pings of a scan sounded from Raditz's scouter. "I wouldn't get my hopes up," the other Saiyan replied, turning around to check the other direction. "I'm not getting a single reading, save for five decent ones off in that direction."

He nodded opposite the mountain range. "Make that three."

Nabooru raised an eyebrow and began her own scan, Nappa following suit with a huff. "You're fucking with us. Why the hell would we be called here if they didn't need us?"

"No, he's right. I'm only getting those three readings, too. That must be the team we're meant to rendezvous with."

Raditz flew up several meters and gazed around. "Looks like something went down over there," he called down to them. "Might have been a settlement or something. Doesn't look like there's much left now."

"Let's go check it out. Something feels off here."

Nabooru followed Raditz and Nappa to the site of what could have potentially been a compound of sorts, a decent sized village, or something else entirely. The damage sustained in the area made it difficult to tell, the edifices reduced to little more than a half foot of wall at best. Scorch marks and craters dotted the area, and they could hardly walk a few feet without finding a corpse or the remnants of one. Each had a variant of blue skin, ranging from near white hues to navy. A few wore what she guessed were plain clothes, while most sported a sort of white armor. Soldiers. Most of the bodies were heavily mutilated, physically torn or shot with concentrated ki blasts to pieces, others sporting deep gashes as if from claws. Maroon soil was stained with emerald blood. Fresh.

"I thought I recognized that power level." Nappa squatted down next to a corpse missing every limb. The lower half of its skull had been crushed as if beneath someone's foot. "Looks like Shikoo and his team's work, don't you think, Raditz?"

"Seems that way. Doesn't seem like they need our help, though. And they never have before." His frown deepened. "Maybe it's some kind of trap."

Raditz vocalized Nabooru's growing fear as each piece of evidence seemed to confirm the theory. "Who's Shikoo?" she asked, turning her attention from the massacre and back toward the direction in which their scouters pinged the readings. Two of the power levels weren't much and would hardly be a challenge for even Raditz. But the third was more powerful, and while only around Nappa's power level, her insides squirmed. Why would they be sent here if this team had everything under control? Was there some secret of this planet they weren't privy to that presented a danger they couldn't handle?

"One of Frieza's favorites, and I'm sure you can see why. What the guy lacks in power he makes up for in brutality and dirty tricks," Nappa told her, folding his arms over his chest. "Makes us Saiyans look soft. But I'm sure you've seen the guy. He's bigger than me, looks like a cross between some kind of reptile and a dog. Red fur and scales. Loud and brags constantly."

Nabooru's brow furrowed and she clicked her tongue. "Mm, yes I've seen him around the base once in a while. Never considered him important enough to learn his name, especially after he and his idiots tried to force themselves on me back when I first started on the force." The corner of her lips quirked upward in a malicious smirk. "He didn't take being turned down very well. But I took care of him and made it clear he should leave me alone."

Raditz chuckled. "Good. The blowhard deserves all the beatings that come to him. Especially for that shit. Nappa and I may have heckled you for a romp in the sack, but he's so full of himself, of course he would try to force his ugly ass on you. I hope these guys took him down a peg or two."

"Confirms the rumors anyway," huffed Nappa. "Guy's disgusting. Pretty pathetic when you gotta resort to force to get off. Guess he ain't much of a charmer, no surprise there."

She kept her surprise about their stance on rape to herself. Considering the violent nature and disregard for life, their history of taking what they wanted by force, rape didn't seem like it would be far off the table for them. Both the Saiyans with her had taken her refusals without much hassle, so she supposed it shouldn't have with at least these two. A point of respect for them, at least, considering the rampant trouble they had with men attempting such with her people back home. As a race of all females and how their style of dress revealed far more skin than Hylian garb, men had a sense of entitlement to Gerudo women, and seemed to believe that meant they were asking for it. 

"I suppose we should contact Frieza," she said at last, reaching up to her scouter and selecting the proper channel. "Let him know what we found and what we're meant to do instead."

Once the scouter connected successfully, Frieza greeted her before she could open her mouth to speak: "Ah, what good timing, Nabooru. You have landed on planet Noya and met with the other team there?"

"Yes, my lord. But we are confused. When we landed, we found the planet had already been successfully purged of its in--"

"Yes, yes, I am aware of the success in purging the planet. The instructions to rendezvous with the soldiers sent to Noya were...purposefully vague. The task for you and the Saiyans is to kill that team. Don't worry your pretty head over why, dear. It's unbecoming of a soldier. Their punishment has been a long time coming."

He broke the connection before she could confirm her understanding, but by the questioning expressions in her comrades' faces, her own revealed her opinion on the troublesome news. Surprised wasn't the right word for what she felt. Frieza was known for orders that felt out of place or cruel. Unwarranted and harsh. But piecing together their situation, Nappa's words, and the fact that they had been split from Vegeta only further impressed upon her a sinking feeling of dread. She less suspected a trap for them than viewing it all as one for Vegeta, a "favorite" of Frieza's like Shikoo. Or if it was one for them, was this a precursor to the orders Vegeta would be handed? To end his team and allies in the rebellion they plotted?

"What'd he say?" Nappa asked at last, snapping her out of a spiral of paranoia and back to the task at hand.

"He means for us to kill Shikoo and his crew."

"Really?" Raditz's brow furrowed. "What did they do?"

"He didn't say. Just that their punishment was a long time coming."

The Saiyans exchanged a look of disbelief with a hint of concern. Nabooru wondered if they considered the same possibilities as her. If they wondered if some other team or Vegeta and Frieza themselves lay in wait to off them, too. As much as she wanted to ask, she didn't know who could be listening. And they had a job to do. If anything followed this, they would have to face it once they dealt with Shikoo and his cronies. The memory of them offering to help her find her way back to the barracks and then cornering her, how they tried to touch her anywhere they could reach and tugged her hair, their taunting words from how pretty she was and how good she probably felt to insulting her lack of control of her ki yet. Maybe she didn't back then, but her strength proved enough to subdue the three of them and send them to the hospital ward. She escaped their disgusting behavior, but how many hadn't, if what Nappa said rang true?

Back then, she still tried to cling to her no killing rule for her sanity and her ignorance to the sort of backlash killing fellow soldiers would have. But now she not only had permission, she had the will to do it. If not only for her own revenge, but for the horrors they inflicted on others, too. This time, she wouldn't hold back. She didn't have to.

Three scouters beeped to signal approaching power levels, and Nabooru couldn't help but snort as the hulking beast Shikoo and his cohorts landed before them. 

"Come to see how real soldiers work, apes?" Shikoo grinned at Nappa and Raditz, showing off sharp, yellowing teeth in his elongated, canine-like muzzle. A forked tongue flicked out to taste the air. "Where's your diminutive leader, huh? Someone finally give the prince with no subjects the licking he deserves?"

His cohorts snickered and Nabooru noticed Nappa's fists and jaw tighten with the flare of his temper. "You idiots won't be laughing in a minute." The Saiyan general smirked and cracked his knuckles. "I've been waiting for a chance to stomp you."

The smaller two--an orange skinned male with a too-blonde Mohawk and a weedy, birdlike soldier with beady black eyes--shifted in obvious discomfort under Nappa's threat, but Shikoo remained unperturbed. "Please. You wouldn't dare. Not with my favor with Frieza. The alliance my people have is too precious for him to allow a couple monkeys to pick a fight with me."

Nabooru snorted, but his claims had her mind shifting back to her people. The fate of the Saiyans. "That explains a lot. But too bad for you, Frieza seems to think killing you is more important than whatever deal you and your people have with the empire."

Yellow eyes snapped to her, slit pupils dilating for a moment in recognition. His hackles rose and hair surrounding a line of spikes along his back stood on end. His aggravation melted back to sick amusement and he laughed. "Well, well. I remember you. Come crawling back for that fun I promised you after all, huh?" His attention fell back to Nappa and Raditz. "Taking orders from women now? You Saiyans really are a joke. Guess it is a step up from short, angry, and overcompensating. Easier to look at, too."

"Can we get this over with? This guy's voice is making me sick," Raditz complained. "I'll take the two wimps in the back alone if I have to."

"You're still on that?! What did I tell you?!" Shikoo snarled. "Frieza will have your heads if you try anything!"

"And what did I tell you? Frieza himself sent us here to kill you." A smirk curled Nabooru's lips and she turned her attention to Nappa and Raditz. "You mind if I take him? I'm really kicking myself for not finishing him off all those years ago."

Nappa huffed and folded his arms, making a show of his indignance. "Damn, guess I can't argue with that. Much as I wanna bury this mutt myself, I think you've got a bigger stake." He nudged Raditz. "You take the orange one and I got bird brain." Without waiting for a response, the larger of the two surged forward and slammed his leg into his opponent's side, sending him sailing with a squawk. The general laughed and swept after him. "Try and make this fun for me, birdie!"

Raditz shot a series of magenta blasts toward the other minion who, more prepared for the onslaught than his companion, dodged backward nimbly and blocked what he couldn't with raised arms. "Give him a few good ones for me, won't you Nabs?" He shot her a wry grin and pursued his opponent with ruthless abandon. 

“Stupid move on their part, leaving you alone with me,” Shikoo snarled, vicious grin back on his mug. “You don’t have the stomach to kill me. I saw it in your eyes then, and I’m sure you’ll falter again now. And that’s when I’ll finish what I started all those years ago. Maybe I’ll make your monkey friends watch.”

Nabooru rolled her eyes skyward. “Please. I feel so bad for you, I’ll give you a free first hit.” She beckoned him with her index finger. “Come on, big guy. Let’s see if you can do more than just flap your ugly mouth.”

As she hoped, Shikoo snarled at her taunt and lunged. Black claws extended outward and he swiped them toward her throat. Nabooru’s hand shot up and she grasped his wrist, her hand barely covering half of its circumference. He grunted and struggled against her strength. “So you’re a whore and a filthy liar…”

Her grip tightened, and bones crunched beneath her hand. “I’ve kind of proven the first one wrong by turning you down, haven’t I?” She caught his opposite fist. Her smirk widened when his eyes flashed in rage. “But I suppose you’re right about the liar thing.”

"I'll kill you, bitch!" he roared, tugging back in an attempt to free himself. 

She held fast, orange energy flaring up around her. After a few more tugs, she released him, forcing him to stumble backward when he lost his balance. Nabooru shot forward and buried her fist in his scaled belly. Shikoo wheezed and doubled over. Head at her level, Nabooru wheeled back and kneed him in the face with bone-crunching force, whipping his head back and sending him wheeling backward once more. Blue blood oozed from his nose and mouth.

"This has been fun." Shikoo seethed as he raised his head again and spat blood on her boots. He shook with his rage, and Nabooru only wished Nappa and Raditz had remained with his crew to witness his embarrassment. She flexed her hand, forming a cylinder of ki in her palm. She wrapped her fingers around it like a hilt and willed it outward, curving and widening it into the shape of a blade similar to those she favored back home. "But I'm tired of playing. You're not really worth breaking a sweat over."

Using his shock at the sight of her ki blade, she shot forward again. She swept the blade downward, tip aimed at the ground between his feet. She brought it back up in a swift arc, between his legs and through his skull, splitting him vertically in half. His responding punch halted mid-swing, and his body fell apart with a stomach-churning squelch and a pair of thuds as each half fell to the ground.

"Geez, Nabs. Did you have to go crotch up? You made me cringe."

Her ki blade dissipated and she rested her hands on her hips. She turned to face Nappa as Raditz rejoined them, neither appearing to have taken too much damage. Raditz looked slightly ruffled with a bloody lip, but otherwise, both defeated Shikoo's goons without issue. "Of course. A disgusting bastard like him deserves it. If I wasn't supposed to kill him, I might have stopped at around his belly button."

Raditz wiped his mouth and grumbled. "Has anyone told you you're terrifying? You've been around Vegeta too long."

"I didn't realize you two were so squeamish," Nabooru snorted. She glanced at Shikoo's split corpse, the glee from her victory short lived as she remembered his claims. How Vegeta was within the tyrant’s clutches and, if Frieza knew what they planned, could be in danger.

 "Speaking of Vegeta, what do you think Frieza has him doing?" A subtle attempt to probe their thoughts on the matter while potentially gaining some reassurance. "He's done this before right?"

“Sure. And I didn’t realize you were such a worrywart.” Nappa and Raditz exchanged knowing glances. “I thought Vegeta was just messing with us, but you two really are up to more than just training when you’re left alone with free time, huh?”

Her posture stiffened and heat rushed to her cheeks. “What is that supposed to mean?” She narrowed her eyes and marched over to them. Their grins only widened and she prodded both of them in the chest with her index fingers. “Just because the two of you can’t keep it in your battle suits doesn’t mean we’re a couple of horny teenagers who can’t handle being alone together. We actually want to get stronger unlike you slackers.”

“I have noticed he’s been in a better mood than normal once in a while,” added Raditz, ignoring her. “Sort of confirms that his smug attitude when he told us ‘maybe, maybe not’ last time we asked wasn’t just him messing with us.”

“Makes him a damn hypocrite though. He told us to quit trying. Guess he didn’t want to share.”

“We’re not sleeping together! Ever! Not even once!” Nabooru could kick that idiot for basically bragging to the other two Saiyans. She had faith neither of them would spread it around whether they believed it or not, but their insistence still pissed her off. “We train. That’s it.”

“It’s not a big deal. In fact, I approve. It’s about time the two of you got laid.” Nabooru slapped Nappa’s hand away before he could plop it on her shoulder. He winced. “Besides, it’s beneficial for us all because, like Raditz said, it puts Vegeta in a better mood for a little while. We all win.”

“Maybe he’s just in a better mood because you two aren’t bothering him as much.” She flipped around on her heel. “Can we please just get out of here? Seeing that ugly bastard again did nothing for my mood, and if you two keep this up, I’ll do the same to you as I did to him and make up the most embarrassing stories for your deaths I can think of.”

She heard the two snigger, but they joined her in flight without more of their incessant teasing. It at least distracted her from her paranoia and concern for the prince’s wellbeing outside of the usual sort of abuse or inanity he would suffer in Frieza’s company. A premature assumption, perhaps, but she decided to take at least Nappa’s lack of concern as a good sign. Or enough of one to keep her from fretting until she knew otherwise. 

APH College AU: China

Oh hey look I’m doing the Asians now? Perhaps! AU intro here, highly suggested you read for context of why China is out of college.

Also, I know chefs aren’t supposed to be a waiter/see customers and cook at the same time, but too bad. He likes interacting with people personally and is good at knowing when to go back into the kitchens to make sure the food doesn’t burn.

- Owner and head chef of a small Chinese restaurant called Upside Down Luck (*any suggestions for other names are cool!*). He’s thinking about expanding pretty soon, since business is good and very consistent and a second restaurant would probably be as successful as the first. - 50% of business is college students, so he knows most of them. Most have come to his place at least once, and some, such as America, are regulars. - He's really good at memorizing faces and names, and can usually recognize people from the college. They get treated with either “Welcome back! How’s school? I heard there was a small fire in the labs!” or “You, again? *sigh* Same as last time?” - Also relating to that, he never lets students get more than two bottles of alcohol, especially late at night, and has never fell for a fake ID (partly thanks to his siblings telling him who’s a sophomore, freshman, etc). A true mom. - Knows all the school gossip also because his siblings, especially Taiwan and Japan, but South Korea also lets things slip because he forgets China doesn’t know; at dinner or something he’ll be like “Remember how ___?” And China whips around, very surprised and says “What??” with a raised eyebrow and a look that says s p i l l   t h e   t e a   s i s - He always complains about making his food too “Americanized” (?) but honestly it’s more Authentic Chinese style than most people - DESPISES Panda Express and their orange chicken. CHN: “Why is this sweet????” HK: “Chill, that’s just American Chinese food. Anyways, it’s okay tasty.” “No.” “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

- A whiz at budgeting and bargaining; always stays on top of his finances and sometimes manages his siblings’ finances as well when he’s really pissed at them for being lazy/not responsible with their money. A lot of the restaurant’s success is due to his cunning and money managing. - When he’s cooking or frustrated or hot, his ponytail goes up into a sort of bun. He’s not too happy with how it looks on him, but it’s just more convenient that way, either because regulations/sanitary purposes or to get his neck cooler. - He gives his siblings 20-30% off on restaurant stuff most of the time, but it varies a little with mood. Most other students have been jealous at some point or another, but the other side of the deal is that they can’t call Yao “mother” or “grandma” or “grandpa” in any form. They still do it though, and then he’s like “No privileges for you!1!2!1!!” - Also, the restaurant layout is super fengshui, because Yao is superstitious as heck, but also because it’s actually useful for interior design. Like it’s all perfectly aligned, windows face north-south (to get fresh air and sunlight), the door doesn’t have clutter around it, etc. It honestly looks a bit minimalist but also traditional at the same time. During the Lunar New Year he puts up menshen (门神) on the door and couplets on the sides of it, and he always has a small Metteyya (弥勒佛) statue/idol/thingy in the back of the restaurant for money and luck. - Laughs internally at people failing at using chopsticks. (He provides knives and forks and spoons of course, but there are always the handful who keep trying chopsticks). I think he’s the type to just... casually watch you struggle in vain and won’t do anything to help. Of course, if you’re a friend, then he’ll definitely try to teach you, but he doesn’t mind having a laugh at most of his customers. I think South Korea, Hong Kong, and perhaps Vietnam (Japan, Taiwan and Macau would be too kind to laugh and chopsticks aren’t widely used in other Asian countries) would stand and watch as well, taking out their phones and recording any particularly hilarious attempts. - He doesn’t live right above the restaurant, but has an apartment 3 blocks over. It’s not small, but not too big either, so when his siblings come over it gets kinda crowded. South Korea and Hong Kong are always telling him to move out and get a larger place, but China just kinda refuses out of sentimentality. “I like this place too much to leave it!” - Wakes up at 7 AM every morning and walks around the neighborhood and sometimes goes to the college to visit India. He likes routine, and considers it a really refreshing part of his morning. - I haven’t decided a lot of the other ancient’s lives yet, but China and the others would definitely get together for chats once in a while. All of them just happened to stick around close by after college and they’d talk about work and college gossip. College gossip is provided by China and India, but they all know a bit since their siblings are still there. - He majored in business and took a whole lot of outside culinary arts classes in college, and also happened to take a bunch of other random classes just for the heck of it. So now he’s educated on things like human behavior and what people would do in a zombie apocalypse + why they react that way, garbage and sustainability, and medieval studies + folklore through Game of Thrones. He considered taking a tree climbing course but didn’t, just because he didn’t want to waste time relearning how to climb trees with ropes. - Corollary to that, he probably has the weirdest fun facts because of all this miscellaneous info he’s collected. “Did you know there’s immortal cancer cells?” “I don’t want to know, Yao.” (Above fact is true but the story of the cells is really sad (and twisted and makes me kinda angry). They’re called HeLa, after Henrietta Lacks.) - His dorm room was probably on the neater side. However, it wasn’t too meticulously organized, and sorta like a thrown together hodgepodge of themes/aesthetics. Not that pretty to look at but it did its job well for him; he never really lost things in his room. - Loved math assignments (even though he grumbled) and bs-ed English, didn’t do too well in it. I think he’d honestly be ok with a B+, and his grades would’ve ranged from 87s to As depending on subject, with possibly one C+ where he just didn’t really apply himself. But he still applies the Asian Parent Standard to his siblings (but isn’t too strict about it most times. Just when he feels they’re really consistently not doing their best when they could be aceing a class). - He loved history though, and took a lot of courses about it that he didn’t need to graduate. This is also how he met India. - I feel like Yao would have a lot of lifehacks, both for managing college work, job lifehacks and things he uses in the restaurant daily, and tricks for outdoor work ex. farm work. Like if you put him outdoors in a rural area and told him to grow crops and raise chickens, he’d totally be okay with it, and would probably be able to do it well. This is in contrast to his siblings, who are more of city (?) kids. - Of course, he’s proficient with tech stuff and office work, but isn’t as good at it as Japan or HK. - Has a 3/4 heat tolerance and a 5/10 cold tolerance. He warms up by cooking (hot stove) or drinking warm water or tea. - Proud, a bit overly critical of people and nagging. He often gets tiny bursts of anger/intense annoyance at small things, and it makes him scary sometimes. (I hc it’s like this; someone does something slightly off/wrong and he kinda has a mini explosion, but it doesn’t affect his overall mood and he’ll still be pretty cheery to you after the incident is corrected.) - Again, his anger isn’t really full blown anger, but more a bunch of small annoyed explosions. It’s rare he gets mad, but if so, it’s usually a long tirade and lecture with lots of hand motions and shouting. It’s sorta scary since he doesn’t often get like that, so it’s serious when he does. - Relationships with some of his siblings are strained a little. They’re like a sorta mismatched family with lots of squabbles and petty disagreements, especially about who can order the others around. - Honestly a people person, he could ramble on and on for days about his life. Some people find him tiring, but he’s a good mixer with strangers. Casual friends with a lot of people, especially those who appreciate sarcasm and can snark right back at him.

Thanks for reading! I didn’t want to include too much about China’s college days but ended up writing more than I intended. Also, the “random college courses” I mentioned are all real classes, obviously not from the same university, but they exist (pretty cool!!) Next up will probably be SK or HK (I have more ideas for them than some of the others). Feedback is welcome and appreciated!

How to actually do goals according to science

Every year I kind of sort of commit to some ~New Year’s Resolutions~ and every year I kind of sort of make progress on them. This year I was diagnosed with depression and that led to me doing a bunch of research on how brains work and working with a therapist (bless them) to learn how to be kinder to myself. 

In 2021 I’m setting goals again, but also approaching my goal setting with a different, more compassionate, and more informed mindset. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of setting myself up for success and I wanted to put it out there a) because I learned public sharing helps with goal achievement and b) in case this information/plan could help anyone else. So if you are also tired of making aspirational lists of all the stuff you’re going to do with nothing to show for it, come on over!

PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE THAN ME

For quick and easy learning, I recommend the following podcasts/websites, from where I have drawn most of this information:

(1).  VOLITIONAL PSYCHOLOGY with Dr Joseph R Ferrari, Ologies podcast ( 1:05:56, transcript and notes on website). A podcast interview explaining what procrastination is and what we can do about it. Also be nice to yourself.

(2). FEAROLOGY with Mary Poffenroth, Ologies podcast (1:13:49, transcript and notes on website). A podcast interview explaining how stress is equivalent to fear and how to interrupt our body’s stress response to regain our health and sanity.

(3). “Golden Rules of Goal Setting” on MindTools.com. A website covering most of the actually scientifically backed goal setting advice without a lot of life coach BS.

(4). My therapist. Credit where credit is due, they are a godsend. I highly recommend these conductors of light.

BASICS OF GOAL ACHIEVEMENT

For people who hate reading, here are the spark notes. There’s more information and tips in the long version, but I understand that some people put together IKEA furniture without looking at the directions.

Use the SMART method to write goals:

Specific - well defined and clear how to accomplish

Measurable - precise definition of success

Attainable - doable but still challenging

Relevant - aligned with personal values

Time-bound - must have a deadline

Put goals in writing. Use “I will” rather than “I want to” and frame statements positively.

Write down why specifically you want to achieve each goal.

Make an action plan breaking goals into individual steps. Break tasks into smaller and smaller chunks until you get to a place you can make progress. No judgement, just move the bar until you can move forward.

Schedule regular check-ins to evaluate your progress.

Post goals and progress publicly.

Incentivize achievement.

Surround yourself with doers rather than (fellow) procrastinators.

ABOUT SUCCESS AND FAILURE

If you can achieve 80% of your goal, that is success. In fact, happiness peaks at 85% success and 15% failure. People feel happier failing a bit because then their goal feels challenging and worthwhile.

YOU WILL FAIL. It will happen. It is okay. Focus instead on how you will react and grow from your failure.

“Stress” and “fear” are effectively the same thing. Recognize and own your fear; don’t be ashamed of it. It is a natural response. Also, recognizing your stress as a fear response helps you determine the root cause, and then address it, or even use it as a growth opportunity. Successful people freely use the word “fear”.

For many procrastinators, their fear of failure also includes a fear of success. You are afraid to do the work because you are afraid of not being good enough. These people (me) are practicing “social esteem protection” - thinking that if I don’t finish a task, I can attribute it to a lack of effort rather than a lack of ability because it’s a “time management” issue. It’s not. Time management is a myth, and the end result is that you are letting down the same people you want so badly to like you.

Procrastination is a learned behavior, which means that you can unlearn it. The best way is through CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to reprogram your thinking for people who have a persistent issue with procrastination.

Forgive yourself for your failures the way you would forgive other people.

HOW TO SET GOALS STEP-BY-STEP

Sorry this section is long, but it turns out a lot of the keys to success in achieving goals starts with actually writing them properly. Who knew?

Set a deadline. The traditional New Year’s Resolution is supposed to last through the end of the year, but I’ve found that is too long a span. I end up procrastinating because “there’s so much time left” until there’s not and then “it’s too late to start now”..... So now I’m setting my goals seasonally: four sets of three months. My deadline for winter goals is March 21st, the Spring Equinox. As part of my public accounting, I have told everyone this, including a bunch of internet strangers.

Also key for us procrastinators is setting a start date. I gave myself a week to write my goals and make my action plan. I have to keep track of my progress starting Monday.

Determine your priorities and set limits. You cannot do everything, no matter how much you want to (procrastinator, remember?). Looking for layout inspiration on Pinterest I came across so many bujo people with 8 million goals on their page layout. That’s not happening. Remember that your goals are meant to create positive change and a sense of accomplishment, NOT cause more anxiety. So make limits. How do we do this? 

Make a big list of aspirations first. You can do this by identifying your personal values and generating ways to emphasize those more in your life. You can make a list of everything that you’re afraid of (aka causes you stress) and then think about ways to address or confront those fears. For example if getting a bunch of work emails into your personal inbox every weekend ruins your Saturday, aspire to set some work/personal life boundaries! Or maybe you have something you’ve always wanted to do, like learn a language or set time aside for a hobby. Put it on the list.

Now you have to edit the list. You can keep it to refer back to for the next round of goals, but choose out the top priorities for the next three months. To help you do this, refer back to your personal values, or just ask yourself “why do I want to do this?” If the answer is because someone else thinks you should, nix it. This is for you and only you. I originally chose 8 priorities, and then cut it again to 6 aspirations total - keep the plan simple and manageable to set yourself up for success. Remember, 85% success is what we’re aiming for. I also tried to choose a mix of difficulty levels of the individual aspirations (exercising = freaking hard; keeping a gratitude log = pretty easy) so that I might get some early wins and momentum.

I also recommend that at least one priority is just something you know will make you happy. We all need to set aside time and energy for ourselves, and to stop feeling ashamed about doing stuff that makes us happy. What the actual f**k. Choose one thing you love -- reading, baking, petting animals, being outside -- and make it an official goal to do it more often. NO JUDGMENT.

Okay, now to format your priorities into achievable goals. You are going to take each one of those aspirations and put it into an “I will” statement with a quantifiable definition of success. For example, my aspiration to “sleep more” became “I will follow a bedtime routine for 21 days straight.” You want to make sure your statement is framed positively (rather than “I will not eat junk food”, try “I will eat healthier snacks”). Also think again about making your goal challenging but achievable. I did not write “I will sleep 6 hours a night” because I can’t control that. I chose 21 days straight as my success measure because I anticipate I’ll fall off the horse a few times before I get a successful streak, and three weeks would be good progress for me. Another thing you can do is use ranges like “I will pick up 1 - 5 items in my room each day.” This is a bit of a mind game where the low end of the range is easily achievable so you have no excuse not to do it. Often once you get started, you might find that you have energy for 5 items after all.

Now that you have your goalposts set up, write down those “whys” you thought about when you were choosing them. Recording why you want to do this specifically is helpful for your motivation as time passes and further clarifies your goal.

As we’ve learned, accountability helps! For each of your goals, write down how you will share your progress. I’ve asked different people to check in with me about my sleep and exercise routines. I’m reporting about my ongoing issues with procrastinating on my schoolwork to my therapist each week. For my goal to read more books, I’m posting a picture of each book I finish on my Instagram. And for my goals to keep a gratitude log and consume news in a healthier way, I’ve decided I can hold myself accountable. In addition, I’m using my journal to keep track of my progress towards all six goals.

Set a reward for each goal. This could be anything from a pack of your favorite chocolates for completing an easy goal to giving yourself permission to buy that sweater you’ve really wanted for achieving a super challenging goal. I am also trying out having bonus rewards such as a small reward for an 11-day streak on my sleep goal to give me a push of momentum. For my hardest/most important goal I also decided to do a “stretch goal” like with Kickstarter where I get a reward for overachieving. So maybe I went a little reward crazy, but we’ll see how it goes!

Finally, for each goal write down the actions you’ll need to take to achieve it. For me this is stuff like “draft a bedtime routine and share it” and under that, I plan to research by “listen to somnology podcasts” and “read sleep solution book”.

HOW TO MAKE PROGRESS

Whew, you made it through writing the goals and now you are set up for success! Here’s a few more tips to keep things moving.

Now that you’ve got your goals all set up, share them with the world! (Or at least the people you’ve decided to help keep you accountable). Sharing goals and progress publicly is proven to increase our likelihood to achieve them.

If you’re a journaler, make a nice goals layout and a tracker for your progress. I did not find good examples for achieving goals in a scientific way when I looked for inspiration on Pinterest. If there is a journaler out there who read all the way to the end of this post and made a nice layout, please share your artistry. My “layout” is just a list. :/

Surround yourself with doers. If you have trouble motivating yourself (me), ask a friend to pair up with you. I am doing a remote master’s degree. It is not going well. However, setting up a regular Zoom “work date” with a friend who is currently working from home has forced me to sit down and look at my schoolwork on a regular basis.

Schedule regular check ins to evaluate your progress and write them down! I have a combination of check-ins with my “accountants” as well as a plan to review my goal progress every Sunday when I plan my week. This is written on my to-do list on each Sunday to make sure I do it.

Go forth and conquer! And remember, failure is a fact of life and does not make you a bad person. It just means you are learning more about how to set your goals for next time!

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: Early Review

Title: IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY/PSYCHO BUT OKAY Country: Korea Genre: Dark Drama (murder with a chance of romance)

Basic Premise:  Moon Kang Tae (Gang Tae on Netflix subtitles - MKT for this review) works at a mental health facility while caring for his autistic older brother, Moon Sang Tae. Kang Tae gets help from his BFF (bi friend forever) Jae Soo. 

When a suicidal patient attacks a visiting children’s author, Ko Moon Young (KMY), Kang Tae rescues her and keeps her from stabbing the patient in retaliation. Moon Young invites Kang Tae to bring his brother to her book signing, where Moon Young winds up violently defending the autistic brother to angry parents who do not want an adult at the signing and are scared because he is not neurotypical.

The show focuses on trauma, society, and how we cope with the worst things in life.

How Much Have I Watched? The first 3 episodes.

Rating: So far this is a 4.5/5.

This is either going to be one of the worst dramas of the year or one of the best. It’s beautifully shot, uses themes well, has some excellent writing (so far), and has me thinking about color theories already. The premise itself is very dark and it’s all wrapped up in the language of fairy tales. 

SPOILERY REVIEW  FOR THE FIRST THREE  EPISODES  & PREDICTIONS  BELOW THE BREAK

The Spoiler Filled Breakdown: 

Let’s start with the main characters and their traumas....

Ko Moon Young... the only child of Professor Ko and his beautiful wife. She was raised in a castle (literally) and her father tried to murder her. It’s entirely possible that he beat his wife to death. Professor Ko has scars on his hands from Moon Young fighting back, her mother is paralyzed but her mind works (according to E1), and Moon Young is struggling with the PTSD that gives her night terrors, insomnia, an antisocial personality, and it seems she has a penchant for stealing things. 

She’s presented as being antisocial but what she really she’s more entitled and broken. She’s got her guard up, and she has plenty of money, so she’s never had to address her issues. She knows she’s broken and it comes out in her books and world view.

Moon Kang Tae... the youngest of two sons. His father is missing, his older brother is autistic, and his mother was murdered. It looks like his older brother saw the murderer. When child services came, Kang Tae ran away from home with his brother and has been working multiple jobs ever since in an effort to keep them both alive.

Kang Tae is super serious and has internalized everything. He’s the mirror image of KMY. Where she has money to protect her, he has hard work. Where she gets to lash out because of her status, he has to internalize everything and play nice so he can protect his brother. 

Fun fact!

KMY and MKT knew each other as kids. They lived in the same town and the girl who had a crush on MKT when he was young knows KMY very well. But they don’t seem to recognize each other. Or, if they do, Kang Tae is acting like he doesn’t. He had a childhood crush on Moon Young but was scared off by her behavior. 

And, her behavior is presented as abnormal and terrifying. If you flip the optics and look at it through the framing of an abused girl threatened every time she tried to intervene, her behavior is less terrifying to some extent. 

Moon Young saved Kang Tae from drowning as a kid. By E3 that seems particularly relevant as she dreams of watery ghosts and a woman screaming for help as she drowns. 

Everything Else...

By E3 we know everything is going to revolve around Moon Kang Tae and Ko Moon Young. They are our main characters and everyone else is going to fall far, far behind them. 

The current subplots are.... - Who murders Momma Moon? Sang Tae saw the murder but also saw butterflies, which means the murder might be tied to Professor Ko.

- Resolving Moon Young’s feelings to her father. She’s expected to love and care for the man who tried to murder her. That’s some nightmare gaslighting BS. 

- Then there’s sad nurse, Nam Joo Ri. She’s in love with Kang Tae but she’s hiding secrets of her own. The way she reacted to Moon Young asking about her mother makes me think there’s more there than meets the eye. And her behavior makes me ask a lot of questions. 

- And there’s also the terrible politician who abused his kid and drugs him for an excuse to lock him up during election season.

Where do I think this is going?

1) Kang Tae and Moon Young are going to rebuild that gorgeous old house together and take care of Sang Tae and live happily ever after. 2020 owes me a happy ending for my OTP. 

Why do I ship them when Moon Young comes across as such an abusive witch? Because I believe in redemption arcs and I think she can get better. I also think that she’s the only one who tries to understand Kang Tae and accepts Sang Tae. She’s the only one who Kang Tae is completely honest with. He lets his emotions show around her in a way he won’t even let them out with his best friend. It’s either going to be a terrible, tragic relationship or the healthiest one ever. There’s no middle ground.

2) Professor Ko was involved with the murder of Kang Tae’s mom.

3) Joo Ri knows something about her parents. Maybe that her mom had an affair with Professor Ko, maybe that she helped cover up the murders. The other option is that she knows by Moon Young isn’t coming to visit her father and feels guilty asking her to come. 

CREDITS: Abs GIF - @ YesDramas  Screencaps by me Drama Poster from AsianWiki.com

“hi! sorry that this is so long aaa it’s kind of a complex situation that i have mixed feelings on so i couldn’t word it very concisely… also i hope you have a good day! ty for being so nice about this

also this isn’t meant to be a “you guys are horrible and i can’t believe you wrote this!!!!” b/c i don’t think it was intentional at all, just had some bad connotations… but w/ blanche’s writing i. hm i hope this is worded well but i feel like making him mentally ill kind of didn’t mix well w/ his narrative role as someone who’s supposed to be irredeemable/bad, especially b/c he also comes off as specifically someone dealing with low empathy and difficulty recognizing others as real/tangible people who can be hurt + difficulty knowing what to do When he’s hurt others which (as someone with multiple cluster b personality disorders) is a big issue when you’re cluster b.”

i’m putting the rest of this under the cut not to minimize what was actually done but so the root and answer can be easily addressed! you don’t have to apologize for it being long you spoke very concisely and worded the issue well and i appreciate it being brought up a great deal :] i’m also happy you brought this up because this was something i was struggling with a lot being blanche’s player and i do have a lot i would like to say that will hopefully explain, but that isn’t really necessary reading and the main thing i and the other mods want to say is that we are sorry for pushing that kind of narrative. there are more reasons behind this that i’ll go on to talk about below the cut, but at the end of the day an author’s issues with oneself like... should be addressed via other means and not worked out through a medium like this, it leads to a reading that, as unintentional as it may be, is still present and we’re sorry about that.

“and kind of contributes to a narrative of mentally ill people who’ve messed up/hurt people multiple times due to their illness/don’t automatically become better people when their negative actions are pointed out, especially when the character is shown to be in a neglectful home/recieving no treatment/is 16 (which is when a lot of us can start developing our more severe symptoms/cluster b pds really start showing up), are like. irredeemable/shitty people/don’t deserve sympathy. especially b/c a lot of cluster bs end up doing shitty things/hurting others without meaning to before we’re able to recognize what we’re dealing with, idk it’s just… hurtful for the narrative seen in media to be that we can never change and become better, even if we’re shown to want to (which blanche does at multiple points- i could go more into this/different points where he’s shown to regret what he did, want to change etc but i don’t want to make this even longer than it is hh)

and of course this doesn’t mean everyone had to make nice with him or that he’s perfect or even necessarily a good person, the narratives that people Can change/heal and aren’t inherently irredeemable and bad and the fact that people hurt By those people don’t have to forgive them, associate with them, be nice to them etc don’t contradict each other (especially b/c the mods Do kill blanche physically and kind of just go. whoops, our mistake, oh well)

and i want to end this with: again i don’t think this was intentional, and i can’t speak for the mental health of any of the writers, but as a cluster b reading that, it really felt as though the message of dailyaes was that people who fuck up and hurt others who aren’t instantly sorry and doing everything to fix it don’t deserve sympathy/can’t change, even if they do eventually try to change, and it really hurt to reread it (and honestly reading it a few years ago when i was a lot less in recovery contributed to my own internalized ableism, looking back)

i’m so sorry again how long this is!! i really hope i explained this well enough hh”

thank you again for bringing this up, and there are like.. three/kind of four key points that i’d like to explain here because these are relevant to what wound up happening and it does like... it does suck, waht wound up happening, and i’m sorry that that was the ending, i hope this can like... assuage some of that and assure that that isn’t the ending people who struggle with those issues deserve

the first is that uh.. blanche was conceptualized as a... kind of self insert at a time when i was struggling a lot with what it meant to be a person and more importantly a good person. that reading of his character (mentally ill & neglected) came explicitly from things i was unsure and in denial of, and low empathy/struggling to recognize others as individuals were they not immediately tangible was a large part of that. as a result, thsi character who i cast as a sort of inverted self insert (ie. encompassing what i felt was bad about me at the time) took on a lot of aspects of what you called internalized ableism which is. a really good term for it. i’d come out of an environment where i felt as if i was not stretching myself thin to help others then i was not being a good person, and blanche turned into a sort of representation of that. this does not like, excuse what ended up happening to blanche, but i hope it comes of some comfort to learn this did not come from a place of external hatred rather than genuine issues with myself. they still should not have made their way into being that kind of a representation of a character with those issues, and i’m sorry for that.

the second ties into why one of the mods ended up being cast out of the group altogether, which was being a shitty person all around, one facet of which was like. a Lot of hatred towards blanche. it’s not my place to speculate or speak as to why, but it was definitely a big part of why they got as shitty an ending and treatment as they did -- efforts at suggesting or even joking that blanche was not like. a  Bad Person were met with immediate shutting down and vitriol. that behavior wound up being part of why we cut ties with them, but it still worked its way into the final form that dA took, and for that i’m sorry. as much as it sucked we still became complicit in that, and we should not have been; we apologize for that.

the last thing i’d like to say here, and i hope it will give some hope for the future, is that, if i’m being honest, blanche’s story is an incomplete one. the since deleted third part (due to how heavily it was tied with the mods we disassociated ourselves with) provided some minor resolution, but still an ending that felt unsatisfying and incomplete. another mod and i are also working on a true third installment with the aim of proving blanche is capable and worthy of love and happiness and with a true and satisfying conclusion for their character, because the truth was those things you picked up on of regret and desire to change were like... real. i wanted to and tried to write blanche with that note of someone who is capable of apologizing and changing for the better, and the next part that we’re working on now will hopefully really show that and provide a resolution that doesn’t feel so cruel and hopeless.

thank you again for sending this, it isn’t like. rude or out of the realm of possibility at all, they were a mentally ill character who was treated unkindly by the story we told and we’re sorry for that. i hope this can provide some bit of reassurance and hope for the future, and this was a really great chance to reflect on shortcomings in our work and take stock of the effect it had. i don’t know how much this will mean but like... being past that point of young and neglected and feeling beyond help, that isn’t like.. how it is. your symptoms don’t make you evil or undeserving of happiness, and we truly are sorry for winding up with that reading of the work. i hope the actual final installment of this story, should you choose to follow it (which, of course, you do not have to -- it’s understandable if the work as a whole is spoiled) will reflect that

137. Knuckles the Echidna #29

My Special Friend

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Art Mawhinney Colors: Frank Gagliardo

We have another standalone issue this time! Sally is pissed, as apparently she's just found out that Antoine was a part of the mission to retrieve her mother and brother from the Floating Island a while back, and is yelling at him for never having told her. He guiltily responds that it wasn't his place to tell her, and so she stalks off to see her father. He tries to speak first, but she, to her credit, cuts him off and insists that he listen to her first before he says anything.

I don't know how much the "I was only trying to protect you" excuse flies when she's literally talking about his previous orders to murder all Robians and force her into an arranged marriage. However, for whatever reason she listens to him, and he orders her to the Floating Island to hopefully negotiate some help in the renewed war against Robotnik. Meanwhile on said island, Knuckles is chatting with Catweazle, a face we haven't seen in a very long time, but in case you don't know him he's a cockatoo with a stupid name and a stupid appearance who first appeared very briefly in the Triple Trouble special. He's mostly come here to cheekily complain at Knuckles, first about him spending so much time in the city as of late, then about his own family, the possibility of Lara-Le and Wynmacher producing a new child of their own (which is a subject Knuckles carefully avoids), and finally, about recent sightings of Overlander craft flying around the island.

Gee, I wonder who those could belong to? They spot one flying towards the island at this very moment, and inside is Sally, presumably having "borrowed" it from Robotnik to take it out here. She's apparently feeling very guilty now about questioning her father, which is really something she has absolutely no reason to feel considering the BS he's pulled ever since coming out of the Zone of Silence. Nicole points out that his sickness and trauma from said zone has probably contributed to his irrational behavior, but then Sally says something I find to be extremely out of character, namely that her father's suggestion to dismantle the Robians was an "arguably pragmatic solution," that he must have done it in case of a situation like this where Robotnik was able to turn around and use them against the citizens of the kingdom once more, and that if she'd been through what he had, she might have done the same. Just, what? This is not like Sally at all - sure, she's an intelligent leader who knows how to make the hard decisions when she must, but that has never included literally murdering over four million unfortunate people just because they had the bad luck to be captured in the war. All I can chalk this up to is either her father's frankly quite emotionally abusive demeanor getting to her head, or - more likely - Penders doing a terrible job at writing Sally. This is just not the Sally we've known for over a hundred issues, this is not how she thinks or acts, and it's honestly a really messed up thing to try to write her as endorsing.

But anyway, Nicole advises her to activate a beacon in the ship, which the Brotherhood, still watching from inside Haven, recognizes as broadcasting the king's digital signature. They allow the ship to land, and she plops it down on the grass at the edge of the island right next to Knuckles, who she immediately marches up on and begins yelling at as well. Man, Sally just loves yelling at people this issue, huh?

Okay, that is a genuinely hilarious excuse to give for her coloring changes in the beginning of the comic. I'll accept it because that is amazing. Anyway, she confronts Knuckles about the existence of her mother and brother on the island, prompting him to retort that even he didn't have any idea they were here, and that if he'd known he would have gone straight to her about it. She just responds that she's here to see the Brotherhood, heading off any ideas he then has about her keeping that secret from him by saying she only learned of their existence today through her father. As if on cue, Spectre poofs in with the help of Deo Volente, and in comparison to his edgelord attitude in past issues he's very warm and welcoming to Sally, escorting her to Haven along with Knuckles to introduce her to the family.

I have to point out that the family line given here is in dispute - for whatever reason, several different issues disagree with each other on the placement of Sojourner and Thunderhawk, with some saying Thunderhawk is the father of Sojourner and others having it the other way around. I think the final order decided upon was the one depicted here, with Sojourner being the son of Spectre and the father of Thunderhawk, but even that isn't fully clear. Boy, it sure is fun keeping all these names straight, isn't it?

As Spectre ushers everyone into a meeting room, Knuckles quietly confronts his father off to the side about how his secret-keeping has now led to his friends, as well, being affected. Locke simply retorts that Sally and he shouldn't have been friends to begin with, and when Knuckles irritably challenges the idea that Locke should be able to decide who he can and can't be friends with Locke dismissively states that Sally's "people" try too hard to coexist peacefully with the Overlanders, which has only led to them being constantly embroiled in war. Geez, Locke, any sympathy? Any at all? Neither the Great War nor the previous Robotnik War were the fault of Sally's people - in fact, they were both almost entirely the fault of Robotnik, with the Great War having Kodos share some of that blame - and this current war is hardly their fault either. His assessment of the situation is downright cold. But it turns out, in a sense, he's just following tradition, as evidenced by the response of the other members of the Brotherhood to Sally's petition for aid.

Because she refuses to agree to the use of literally all kinds of technology, which knowing these guys probably includes nuclear weapons, they decide to give her precisely no help at all, and she leaves Haven in an understandable state of anger and disappointment. It's like these assholes don't even consider the fact that Robotnik will hardly be content to stop at the surface world - we already have evidence from more than one incident where the original Robotnik was planning to extend his rule out into space once he was finished with the planet, and considering the new Robotnik literally dimension-hopped to find even more places to conquer once he bombed his home zone into oblivion, I highly doubt he's just going to leave the island alone if you guys try to remain neutral.

Ugh, this whole issue is just a mess. Knuckles visits the Colonel's compound, asking about Sally, and soon finds her sitting at the edge of the island alone. He tries to talk to her, but when she brushes him off again he points out that just as her own father hid a lot of secrets from her in the past, so has his own. He reminds her of their friendship, how they spent many days together as kids and were able to relate to each other over their duties under their respective fathers. Sally is still upset, and asks him why he didn't support her when the rest of the Brotherhood was shooting her down back there, and he points out that he can't buck tradition any more than she can, given their positions.

The Colonel and his wife (still creepily referring to each other as "mother" and "father") watch the two of them argue through the window of the compound, lamenting that they're so young and should be able to play and enjoy life, not have to fight wars and carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. I've already gone over this, but that's kind of the point - that these wars have left the world so messed up that child soldiers are the norm now, not even because a regime forced them to fight against their will, but because they had no other choice - that if they didn't fight, the world would have fallen.

As Sally leaves, Knuckles watches her go, sadly thinking to himself about how the commonalities that once brought them together and made them able to relate to one another were now tearing their friendship apart. He ends up feeling torn between his childhood friend and his duty to his family and people. Honestly, it's a hard choice to make - after all, as much as Sally would like it, he can't just leave the island and come help her out in the war. Even if he did want to ditch tradition and reject his place as part of the Brotherhood, at this point, given everything that's happened in his comic so far, there's so much keeping him tethered to this place, so many ties he'd have to cut if he wanted to go help in the war. It's a rough position to be in, for sure.

Coming up after a few more issues, we actually have the final arc of this series - the Knuckles the Echidna comic was cancelled not long after this, meaning there's only room for one more three-issue arc. To be honest, I'm a little sad to see it go - I know I've been over this many times, but despite the many problems with how he writes, I am genuinely fond of a lot of the characters, plots, and worldbuilding that are in Kenders' works, and it was interesting to see those things shone in their own dedicated comic. We've still got several more issues before it ends, though, so time to move forward!