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badbtssmut · 8 months

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reader with two members (you can choose whoever you want) with dirty talk, squirting, public humiliation, object insertion. like op getting humiliated and fucked in front of everyone (if you dont like one of these suggestions you can leave it) I hope this is filthy🤗🤫

Note: left out object insertion, chose Jimin and Taehyung

“You love cock so much, don’t you, pretty little slut? Love getting your pussy stuffed, isn’t that right?” Taehyung cooed against your ear, while his hand gripped onto your throat. He fucked up into you with force, and you bounced on his lap, feeling the fullness of him in your cunt.

Taehyung had a way of making you feel like his little whore, and you loved it. He always talked so filthy, and his deep voice always made your legs shake.

You nodded your head frantically, feeling tears well up in your eyes, as he slammed into you. It felt amazing. Your cunt throbbed around his thick length, and you could feel the heat coil in your stomach.

You were in the middle of a mall, on a bench, sitting on Taehyung’s lap with your legs spread, the bottom of your feet on his knees. Your hands held onto his arm that wrapped around your chest. People passed by and you knew that anyone could walk up and see what was going on.

Anyone could see you impaled on his thick cock, with your skirt hiked up and panties around your ankles. They could see how wet you were, and how his cock disappeared into you over and over again. They could hear how wet his dick was every time it pumped into you. They could hear how filthy your mouth was, and they could see how flushed your cheeks were.

“Are you going to squirt in front of all these people?” he asked, and you shook your head no, but it wasn't convincing.

You were going to squirt, and you were going to be loud about it.

“Oh yes you will. You love being a good little fucktoy, especially in front of people like this.” Taehyung dismissed your comment.

Your thighs quivered, as his hand snaked down your body. You felt the heat from his fingers, before they were pressed against your clit. Your body jerked at the sudden contact, and you whined, high-pitched and needy.

Taehyung knew how to play with your pussy, and his fingers rubbed you with just enough pressure to make your body shudder.

Your head rolled back and landed on his shoulder. You looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. His dark gaze made your stomach twist.

He was so handsome, and he was fucking you like a slut, right out in the open.

It was hot.

It was filthy.

And it made you feel so dirty.

His fingers circled your swollen clit, and his dick slammed up into you, hitting all the right spots. The tension was building in your stomach and the pleasure was making your mind go blank.

Your eyes were rolling, and you could barely breathe. You felt a gush of liquid leave your pussy, and then you were squirting all over his lap.

The warm liquid coated his dick and dripped down your thighs. You were screaming his name, as you came.

People were staring at the spectacle, and you panted, trying to catch your breath.

Taehyung spread your legs further by grabbing your thighs. “Show everyone how swollen that pussy looks.” he growled, and you let him spread your legs, showing off the way your pussy throbbed and dripped onto the ground.

He continued to fuck you, and the sloppy sounds filled the air, along with the lewd, squelching noises from your pussy.

“Started without me?” A familiar voice sounded, and you glanced over at Jimin.

“She was soaking wet the minute we got here. I couldn’t help myself.” Taehyung chuckled.

“Are you going to suck this cock? Show off to everyone?” Jimin pulled down his track suit, just enough to reveal his cock to you.

You leaned over, and stuck your tongue out, and he slapped it against your lips, before guiding his cock into your mouth.

Jimin and Taehyung worked together to fuck your holes, and you could hear the comments that other people were making.

It was shameful, and it only made the fire in your core grow more.

“Everyone’s looking at you, they’re all seeing how much of a dirty slut you are for cocks. Do your family and friends know how dirty you really are?” Jimin laughed, placing his hands on your shoulders and massaging them. “Come on, suck that cock harder, baby. Make me hard so I can stuff that pussy more.”

Your lips were wrapped tightly around his shaft, and your tongue pressed flat against his cock. Jimin then reached out to your shirt and pulled it over your head, revealing your naked body to everyone passing by.

People were stopping to watch, and it made you moan around the thick meat in your mouth.

Someone was snapping photos, others were gasping, others were drooling at the sight.

Taehyung leaned his head against your back, and he grunted as he fucked up into you harder.

Jimin pulled out, and leaned down, resting his hands on the bench behind you and Taehyung. “Let’s show everyone how crazy you go for two cocks, hm?” He smirked, lining up to your entrance with the tip of his cock.

“A-ah!” Your muscles tightened and you squirted, causing both men to chuckle.

“I am not even in yet and you’re already this slutty for that extra cock, isn’t that right?” Jimin asked as he cupped your left breast. “You love two cocks inside of you even more than one, huh?”

You nodded, whispering a ‘Yes Jimin.’

You moaned, and closed your eyes, and felt both of their dicks start to fill you. It was a tight fit, but it felt so good. Your toes curled, and you whimpered.

The feeling of both their cocks inside of you made your eyes roll back. Your pussy stretched to the limit, and you felt fuller than ever.

The sound of slapping skin, the feeling of their dicks rubbing against each other, and the feeling of both men fucking you had your body tensing and shuddering.

Jimin held onto your face, his thumb pressed against your lips.

You opened your mouth and he slipped his finger in, pressing down on your tongue.

You could hear people talking, and it made the situation even more exciting.

You squirted again and again at the sensation, your body never running out as you started to melt at the sensation.

“Just look at her, Jimin.” Taehyung groaned, biting onto your shoulder.

Your body was shaking uncontrollably, and you couldn't breathe.

Everything was a blur, and your eyes were rolling.

All you could do was whimper and moan.

It was too much, but it was just right.

”Such a needy slut, I bet there’s nothing but these cocks on her mind right now.” Jimin chuckled and then leaned down, and his tongue licked around the corner of your mouth, and you turned to kiss him, letting him swallow all your moans.

Taehyung and Jimin started fucking you harder, and your eyes were rolling. Your pussy was leaking and gushing, and the bench was a wet mess beneath you.

You came so many times, you couldn’t even tell how many.

“Yes… yes, oh yes!” you cried out, as the feeling of them stuffing you had your whole body trembling.

Their grunts and moans had you going wild.

The way they whispered such nasty things to you made you squirt and shake.

Their hands were all over your body, touching and grabbing and groping.

Your head was spinning, and it was like a dream.

Your mind was hazy and everything felt hot and sensitive.

You were going to come again, and you were going to squirt all over them.

Taehyung grabbed onto your hips and pulled you down onto his dick, as he came inside of you. In turn, Jimin started to fuck you harder, his fingers pinching your nipples and his mouth kissing and sucking on your neck.

His hands moved to your waist and he started pounding into you, and it was so rough.

You felt him cum inside of you, and you squirted again.l You came harder than ever, and you slumped over, falling forward.

All three of you took a moment before Jimin pulled out, stepping aside to show the crowd how their cum was dripping out of you.

Your chest was rising and falling, and you could barely breathe.

Both of the boys fixed themselves and got dressed, helping you with your clothes as well.

They helped you off the bench, and Jimin had to carry you because you could barely walk.

You really were their dirty slut.

#bts smut #bts requests #bts x reader #bts smut requests #bts fanfic #taehyung smut #Jimin smut #bts smut fanfic

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transmascissues · 5 months

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hey i know your post about your mom was mostly just a personal vent, but i have to say, do you realize that also happens with trans girls and their fathers? literally happened to one of my friends. i’m not trying to downplay your experience or something but i found it strange that you seem to think this is something that only affects transmascs

i have one question for you: so fucking what?

i don’t doubt that trans girls have experienced similar things and yeah, that’s bad too, but what the fuck does that have to do with me and the specific things i’m facing as a result of being a trans man? i never said “look at this thing that happens to ONLY trans men and NO ONE ELSE,” i just said “hey, isn’t this thing that happens to a lot of trans men, including myself, fucked up?”

i would also like to point out that what you’re talking about is in fact a different (albeit similar) thing. the way cis people treat trans people can differ dramatically based on the cis person’s gender because their commitment to gender roles is, like, a major part of problem. the specific way a cis mother reacts to her trans son’s transition is often going to be very distinct, while a cis father will likely respond to his trans daughter in a different but equally distinct way.

what i’m talking about is a very specific kind of ownership and control and self-victimization and total lack of boundaries masquerading as love and care and maternal concern that cis women (i would argue white cis women in particular) project onto their transmasc kids when we do literally anything to our bodies. i’m talking about a phenomenon which is closely related to the way moms often pass eating disorders onto their daughters (or children they view as daughters) because they see a body that looks something like theirs and project all of their insecurities and ideals onto it. i’m talking about a form of parental transphobia and projection that’s specific to the dynamic of a cis mother and her child who was “supposed to” be her daughter.

if you’ve never felt that, you’re not even remotely qualified to tell me shit about how i should be talking about that experience, and if you couldn’t recognize that experience when you read my post, i’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced it because the replies to that post made it very clear to me that anyone who has experienced it firsthand immediately knew exactly what i meant.

like, yeah, cis dads also project onto their trans daughters, but are they likely to have a reaction like running away with actual tears streaming down their face? do you expect them to passive aggressively make comments about how sad their kid’s transition makes them, how it’s such a difficult emotional time, how it’s so tragic because their kid’s body was so beautiful before? do you think their go-to transphobic reaction will be weaponizing their emotions? i’m sure there are some dads out there who are like that, but i think we can agree they’re in the minority because that’s not how cis men are taught to react and parents like this tend to be pretty damn committed to following the gender roles they were taught.

and even if i’m wrong and our experiences are exactly the same, let me reiterate that i never said this was an experience exclusive to trans men. all i said is that it happens to us. that’s just a statement of objective fact.

this started in my life when i got my hair cut short for the first time almost a decade ago and it has not stopped since. i’ve watched my mom cry over me changing my name and respond to being asked if my happiness matters more to her than my name by saying “i care about both”, i’ve watched her melt down in a mall over me getting a suit for prom and give me the silent treatment for days after, i’ve heard her plead with me to stop t because it “looks unnatural” and she’s just so “concerned for my health”, i’ve watched her stare at me post-op and say “my poor baby” over and over like she’s looking at my corpse in a casket. i’ve watched her turn herself into the victim of every single aspect of my transition. i’ve had to live with this for 9 years and spent the early years of the pandemic literally locked in a house with it. this has been my entire adolescent and adult life, and the question of if i’ll have to cut her off someday (and maybe never see my cat or my little cousins who i love more than anything in the world ever again as a result) haunts me every single day.

who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about that?

#i hope you weren’t expecting me to take this in good faith and give a nice measured response #because just so we’re clear you didn’t have a chance in hell of doing anything other than pissing me off #like in case you forgot i am a real person who this is happening to #in what world did you think i’d care about how an anonymous stranger feels about how i describe it when im the one who has to live it #idk man. some of y’all clearly do not see me as an actual person capable of emotion and it shows #also like. using a friend’s experience is wild bc 1) how do you know it was the same if it didn’t happen to you #and 2) would that friend really want you using their experience against another trans person experiencing something similar?#anon hate #ask answered #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men

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rafaelaaron · 3 months

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𝗣𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲 | 𝗔𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 𝗛𝗼𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗲𝗿

Summary: You comfort Aaron after a tough case

cw: fbi!reader, typical criminal minds violence, mentions of Haley, drinking

Word count: 1.25k

A/N: English is not my first language, sorry for any grammatical mistakes

It's gonna be okay

Everyone needs a bad day

Remember you told me

You're not alone, just pick up the phone

And call me whenever you're feeling lonely

Remember you told me

You're not alone, just pick up the phone

- pick up the phone by Henry Moodie

The Counter-terrorism Unit shared the same floor with the BAU, making it easier to keep in touch and check each other's departure and return.

Not that it mattered much.

Except Agent Hotchner and Agent Y/L/N.

The two units were not exactly close nor held a joint investigation frequently. Still, Hotch and you shared a fair amount of time since the first joint investigation which was against numerous bombs installed near tourist attractions in DC.

You had occasional coffee breaks in the hallway sometimes and worked late in Hotch's office together to avoid working alone, both being the infamous workaholics in each other's unit.

“Hey.”

You saw the BAU agents getting out of the elevator, all of them exhausted. Hotch gave you a short nod before disappearing into the bullpen, which was odd for him because he always talked to you, even briefly. Although you were not a profiler, you could read his stress signs only because you spent enough time with him to know that.

“Bad case?”

“Yes, especially to Hotch. We saved a boy, but not his mother. Guess it reminded him of Foyet.”

“That’s awful.”

“Someone needs to talk to him.”

JJ shrugged and waved her hand, walking away. You stood there, biting your lips in concern. Hotch’s look made you worry about him all day at your desk while doing paperwork.

Your mind went back to a certain night several months ago, when he held you in his arms as you cried after failing to save a life in your first joint investigation. He had knocked on your door, asking if you were okay before you collapsed in his arms.

"I feel awful, Hotch."

"Please, don't blame yourself. You did everything you could."

His thumb had gently wiped tears away from your cheeks, smiling softly.

"When you feel bad, just call me. I will come right to you, or at least listen to you when I'm far away."

You had nodded and followed his words, calling whenever you needed his soothing voice and words.

You knew that he would need you too. However, you could tell that he would never call you or come to you, being stubborn. So as soon as you handed the files to your unit chief, you went to the BAU.

“Agent Rossi,”

“Agent Y/L/N. As I know, Aaron went home about 30 minutes ago.”

Rossi said with a wink.

“No wonder you're a profiler.”

You rolled your eyes playfully with a smile and went straight to Hotch's place. You called him first but he didn't answer, worrying you even more.

“Pick up the phone, please.”

You whispered almost desperately, dialing once more. He still didn't answer as you parked your car in front of his apartment.

“Hotchner, open the door before I kick it op—”

Your continuous knock was interrupted by him opening the door.

“Y/N,”

“Aaron,”

“What are you doing here?”

Your stomach dropped seeing him. His hair was messy as if he ran his hand multiple times through it. His tie was loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. His shoulder was tense and his eyes were slightly red. You could conclude that he had been drinking scotch, but you have never seen him like this.

“Well, uh, JJ told me it was a bad case and since you are too stubborn to call me, I thought it would be better to visit you myself and I don't know, probably just listen to whatever you say?”

You rambled, suddenly not sure if you could help him feel better. Hotch just stared at you for a while before dragging you into his house by your hand. You sat down next to him on the couch, his hand never letting yours go.

“I wanted to answer your call,”

He began after a moment of silence.

“But I didn't want to be a burden to you.”

“You know you never are.”

He dropped your hand, his shoulder slumped. You opened your arm and he hesitantly moved toward you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“The unsub kills the mother and a child in the house, waits for the father to come home, and forces him to kill himself. We could save the child, but not his mother, and his father came home to witness the unsub being arrested. I— I saw him being devastated, and—”

“That reminded you of yourself. And Haley.”

You finished for him, and he nodded, burying his face deeper and letting stray tears seep into your shirt collar. You gently rubbed his back, waiting for him to calm down.

“I’ve got you, Aaron. It’s alright.”

He pulled away eventually, flashing his rare smile bashfully.

“Sorry, Y/N.”

“Don’t be, Aaron. You always try to comfort me, and I am just returning the favor.”

“Thanks. I feel much better now.”

You suddenly had no idea what to do now. You were still worried about him, but you didn’t want to make him more uncomfortable by staying there longer. So you glanced at your wristwatch, realizing it was already past 10.

“It’s late. I gotta go, I guess.”

You rose to your feet and took a few steps toward the front door when he grabbed one of your wrists and pulled you down. His strength had you practically sitting on his lap. Hotch's eyes drifted down briefly to your lips but went back up right after.

“...Aaron?”

“As you said, it's late, and you should stay the night.”

“Aaron, it's fine—”

“It's the least I can do.”

His intense gaze and firm grip around your wrist left no room to argue. You sighed and accepted his suggestion.

“Then I'll use the guest bedroom.”

“No, honey, sleep next to me.”

You blinked your eyes slowly, your brain trying to process that he had just called you 'honey' for the first time, and wanted you to sleep next to him.

“I won't do anything, I promise. I just— I don't think I can sleep alone.”

“Sure.”

You nodded and he led you to the bedroom, handing some of his clothes to you.

You lay on the bed facing him. He was giving you a look you couldn't quite decipher.

“What?”

“Nothing,”

Hotch smiled ever so slightly and you would've missed it had you not known him so well.

“Just, thank you for stopping by.”

“You're welcome, Aaron.”

You returned his smile, but only bigger.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Aaron.”

He watched you sleeping for a while before falling asleep himself, adoring the way you are looking so peaceful.

“Morning,”

Hotch was leaning against the doorframe, each hand holding steamy mugs. His shirt hugged him perfectly, his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“Morning,”

You replied sleepily, and asked,

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

He smiled, genuinely this time. You realized how much you loved to hear his morning voice and see his smile.

“Come on, I made some breakfast.”

“Never knew you could make pancakes.”

“I try.”

"These are amazing, Aaron."

When you finished the pancakes, his 'that' look showed up once again.

“What?”

“Nothing. You need to get changed, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I'll drive you home.”

“I drove here yesterday.”

“You can pick up your car later. It's the least I can do."

You shrugged, secretly liking the idea of Hotch driving you home.

When you arrived at the 6th floor of Quantico with him, he whispered,

“Have a nice day, Y/N.”

“You too, Aaron.”

Hotch watched you walk away towards the other side of the hallway for a long time.

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner imagine #thomas gibson

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la-petite-lapin · 4 months

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Double the Love | Part One

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 1.2k Series warnings (may update between chapters): 18+, Minors DNI, angst, death, mentions of violence, injury description, eventual explicit sexual content, polyamory, M/M/F, FMC is bad at feelings

How it all started

I wake up to the first knock.

The apartment is warm, despite the fact that it's the second month into winter, and quiet. Peaceful, even. Winnie is probably already at work. The café doesn't need me for at least another hour.

I turn my head to look at the clock on the nightstand. 8 a.m. I can't think of a single reason why someone would be knocking here so early, so I roll over and try to go back to sleep, thinking that I might've just imagined it. Last night was a long one. I couldn't fall asleep, so I stayed awake watching endless reruns of Friends until - at 3 a.m. - I finally knocked out.

It's times like these, when the insomnia kicks in and I feel completely alone, when I can't wait for Alex to be home.

Alex, my heroic older brother. The SAS soldier always on some mission or other to save the world. He's on another top secret op at the moment, but last time we spoke he said that it looked like they'd be home at the end of the month. The new unit he's been assigned to have been keeping him occupied. He couldn't tell me much on the call, but it sounds like they've welcomed him into the fold with open arms, just like all the other units he's worked with in the past. That and he's still worried about me - something that he's been in a perpetual state of since the dawn of time.

Hopefully he'll be home soon though.

Just as my eyes start to close, there's another knock at the door. This one's more persistent.

Definitely not in my imagination.

I throw the covers to the side, adjusting the hem of the heavy knitted sweater I fell asleep in to make sure that it's people-appropriate, and stepping into my slippers as I make a beeline for the door. I drag my feet out of my bedroom and down the hallway towards the front door.

When I open it, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.

There's a tall man with light brown hair and a beanie standing out in the hallway. His dark eyes are tired but kind, a thick scruffy beard covering his jawline as he stands there, hands behind his back, feet shoulder-width apart. He takes one look at my slight frame, half-hidden behind the door and closes his eyes, shaking his head with a quiet, "Bloody fucking hell."

I tilt my head to one side, confused. I'm just about to ask him if I know him when he says, "Are you Talia Keller? Alex's sister?"

Just like that, my heart starts thundering inside my ribcage. I reach out to put a hand on the doorframe, knowing that it's all I can do to stop my knees from buckling.

The stranger on my doorstep meets my eyes once again and I can see it.

"Please...no-"

He shakes his head, those kind eyes refusing to shy away from my tear-filled gaze. "It is with deep regret and my upmost sympathy that I am here to inform you of the death of your brother, Operations Officer Alex Keller. He died on active duty, contributing to a rescue mission that, because of his sacrifice, saved a lot of lives." I choke on a sob. "I am so very sorry for your loss."

My vision blurs and the sound that leaves my mouth is horrible. It's a sob, so loud and violent that I almost can't believe I made it. "No," I whimper.

"May I come inside?" the stranger asks, nodding past me at the empty apartment. His hands aren't behind his back now. They're in front of him, palms open like he's placating a wounded animal.

My own sobbing eclipses any other noise in the hallway as I take a few shaky steps back, giving him access to the doorway. He walks inside slowly, like he's giving me time to take the unspoken invitation back. I don't.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from falling apart. But my brother is dead. My sweet, perfect brother who I'll never see again.

"I- oh god, I'm going to be sick," I manage to choke out, stumbling back until I hit the side of my armchair.

The stranger swoops in then, gently easing me down onto the sofa. I shouldn't let him - shouldn't have let this man into my home. He could be anyone. But he spoke about Alex with the reverence of someone who knew him personally. He must of to be here now, telling me this awful, fucked up news.

I tip forward, my head finding my hands as I cradle myself, my whole body shaking with the effort of not crumbling to the ground.

Alex was all I had left. We were orphans: each other's only living relatives. Now I'm alone.

"Is there anyone I could call for you?" the man asks, his gravelly voice even softer than it was to begin with. I hate his sympathy with a passion, but I don't have the energy to call him on it. "You shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Alex told me that the two of you were very close."

The words bring a fresh wave of pain ripping straight through my heart.

His question reminds me of Winnie. She's already made enough sacrifices for me; I can't pull her away from her work. I don't know what to do. There's no one else I can call. It was Alex and Winnie. Winnie and Alex. No one else.

"Alex was... he was all I had." The words both sound and feel pathetic as they leave my mouth. I lift my head and see that he's watching me, dark eyes far from judgemental. "I can't- I don't know what..."

"Look," he says softly, one large paw of a hand coming to rest on my upper arm, his warmth radiating through the thick cable-knit. "Take a deep breath for me. He wouldn't want this for you."

We sit there for a while as I calm myself down, getting through the worst of hyperventilating. Slowly, the tears come to a weak ebb. A numbness fills me; a disbelief that he's truly gone.

"I know that this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but we had him cremated. It was written in his file that that's what he wanted. We'll send the ashes and his dog tags to you as per his request." He shifts in the armchair. I can't help but notice just how haunted he looks as he meets my gaze. "My name is Captain Price, but you can call me John. I was your brother's unit commander. You might not want to talk to me right now - might blame me even - and I understand that, but I'll leave my personal phone number here with you. If you ever need anything, anything at all, please call me."

I nod softly, rubbing my knuckles along the undersides of my eyes. "Thank you, John."

He nods once then stands up, the muscles of his thighs straining against the sandy-khaki material of his cargos. Instead of heading straight for the door, he walks across to the desk, opening Winnie's smiley face notepad and writing a number down on the first blank page. His number.

I don't look up when he leaves. The door closes with a soft click and then - just like Alex - he's gone.

a/n: hey guys! hope y'all liked part one. don't worry - you'll meet the guys very soon... sorry if this part was a little bit boring, just want to set the scene before all the good stuff happens 🙃 - see ya soon, lapetitelapin

#cod #fanfic #ghoap x reader #ghost x reader x soap #simon “ghost” riley x reader #soap x reader #callofduty #cod fanfic #cod x reader #ghost x reader #romance #angst #poly #female reader #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish x reader #johnny x reader x simon #throuple #double the love

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antiyourwokehomophobia2 · 12 days

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Man, this pisses me off so bad. If you're a woman who relates more to males than other women, it's because you've decided to focus more on how you're different from other women rather than how you're like them. You will literally never have more in common with males, and males do not feel the same way about you. These cute little posts that you write about how you love males more than your fellow women? They do not write the same thing about you. They hate and mock you constantly. Anyone remember "Cis women need to shut up"

"As a cis woman, I agree"

"You need to shut up, specifically"

Yea, that's how they feel about you and your solidarity.

The difference between lesbians and trans women in female spaces is the fact that lesbians do not have high rates of violence. There is no group of women that outclass men in terms of violent tendencies. Trans women retain the rates of male violence that regular men do. I'm not saying you have to treat trans women like they're all violent beasts, but if you can't see why female people would be uncomfortable with male people in their spaces, you're either naive or genuinely unsympathetic towards the very real fear that women have of being subjected to male violence. You can't say trans women and lesbians are similar because, unlike males, there is no statistical evidence that lesbians are highly likely to take advantage of a woman. If it turned out that 98% of rapes were committed by lesbians, I would 1000% understand why straight women don't fucking want to be around me. Have some fucking empathy, holy fucking shit. Even if you are completely on board with trans women being in female spaces, at LEAST acknowledge that it makes sense for women to be concerned about who is allowed in their spaces. It's crazy how I could tell someone I have a fear of dogs because one bit me when I was a kid, and they'd put their sweet pooch up, but God forbid a woman be cautious around a demographic who commit 90% of all violent crime. Oh no. That woman is suddenly a terf bitch.

I have nothing in common with trans women. I don't care how much pain they have experienced. We are not the same. When I was twelve, I cried and I cried as I put my palms together to pray to a God I hoped would be able to take away my homosexuality. I didn't even grow up in a particularly homophobic family. Both of my parents were accepting of me, but I still sat in the dark of my room, tears streaming down my face, as I prayed to have my sexuality changed.

Two years later, one of my friends made a joke about me dressing to impress my crush. She said my crushes name---a feminine name. A girl sitting in earshot heard her, turned to me, and asked me with disgust if I was gay. I said no without even thinking about it. It absolutely did not help that we were in a locker room with other girls. I was aware of my sexuality by that point, but I was 14 and unable to hold my own against a girl looking at me like THAT. For a few weeks after that, that girl made comments about how she was "watching me".

I know pain, I know discomfort, I know what it's like to feel predatory. Seeing feminine women, especially if they're white, makes me feel like an alien. I look at them and think "how are we so different? I see none of myself in you."

Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes we're not similar at all. But guess what? That doesn't mean I'm similar to a straight male. Fucking hell, sometimes I'm not similar to other lesbians. That's completely normal. I think OP needs to read better work by cishet women. If you think that there is not a single piece of cishet female writing that can move you more than something written by a male, you're not looking in the right places at all. I don't understand why some LB women seem to think that the very act of someone being a straight woman makes them incapable of relatability. Of course it makes sense for you to be cautious. Lesbians deal with a lot of alienation and predatory feelings, but if the very ACT of a woman being cis and straight makes you feel like she has absolutely nothing in common with you...? The issue lies with you. YOU are the one othering THEM. Not the other way around. You're the one who has decided that a few cis straight women othering you means that they ALL will so you'd better beat them to the punch. You're the one who has decided that your relationship to womanhood is so astronomically different from straight women that nothing they say speaks to you. That's INSANE. Do you realize how much you have to alienate yourself from womanhood to feel more relatability with a male person than a female one? Idk how to tell you this, but it is highly probable that the most cis, most het woman you have ever met has had a period. It's highly likely she's been harassed by a man. It's highly likely she's been made to feel inferior by way of being born female. No, they can't relate to the experience of being a lesbian who is made to feel predatory for no reason, but to say that nothing a cis het woman says/experiences can move you at all? Nothing they say can make you feel like your experience with womanhood and hers are similar? Do you realize how you sound? "Trans women have been harassed by men and made to feel inferior, too!!" Okay! So you should be able to relate to cis women in the way you do trans women, right?

I told my discord server that I was nervous about my future roommates. I showed them photos and someone said "all this tells me is that they're feminine and white" and I literally think about that all of the time. I was projecting. I was so scared that these white, feminine, probably straight women were going to judge me for being a black lesbian that I didn't even realize that I was the one violently judging them based off of nothing but their skin color and their femininity. I knew nothing about them. I STILL know nothing about them. I've barely spoken to them. But already I had labeled them as unrelatable judgemental women because of how they looked. Hold on. Wasn't I the one afraid of them judging ME? How could I be so afraid of them judging me for being a black lesbian when I was the one judging them already? What sense does that make?

You guys are so busy writing off cis straight women as unrelatable bigots that you've failed to see that you're the one who is extremely prejudiced against them. And I absolutely fucking know someone is gonna read this and say "well, you can't say that all trans women have male violence patterns and dahdahdahdah" and it's like. But YOU can say that cis straight women are so unbelievably different from lesbian women that you'd rather say you're more similar to a straight up fucking male???

I'm not saying it's not a little jarring to see women who are so different from me. I'm not saying I haven't been burned before and there's no reason for me (or other lesbians) to be cautious. But I will literally ALWAYS have more in common with cishet women than I ever will a man pretending to be a woman.

One time I had a professor. She was on the older side (I'd say 40's) and white. Not the type of person I'd think I'd click well with. She was straight and married with children. One day we talked after class, and the only thing that ended our conversation was the fact she had an event she had to go to. We would've talked longer if not for that. She emailed me a little while later to tell me that she enjoyed our chat. After that, she actually hugged me on two occasions. You wouldn't think we'd have common ground. An older, straight, married white mother and a young black lesbian. Both of us are "cis" but I can tell you I relate to her much better than I ever could someone born male.

I once had a personal trainer who was a feminine woman. She had acrylic nails and everything. One time she said that she couldn't hug her male friends anymore because she had a boyfriend (he wasn't the one enforcing that rule. That was something she personally felt). Also not someone I thought I'd click well with. But we did. One time we had a really productive discussion that was actually derived from the conversation with my professor. I felt very close to her in that moment. Our conversation came to a close because she had another client, but I still think about that convo.

There have been so many fucking times where I thought "this woman is not like me. Look at her." But what I realized was that I was the judgmental one. I was the one deciding we were different, not her. I was the one writing her off. I was the one convinced we had nothing in common.

I am BEGGING you not to alienate your fellow women. There are no inherent traits that make you unable to relate to other women. No amount of whiteness or cisness or straightness can make a woman completely unreachable. I am NOT talking about political parties or views so don't fucking try me with that shit. Obviously that puts a wedge between people, but someone simply being born cis and het does not make them alien from you. For God's sake, look at the fucking MeToo movement. Women from all fucking backgrounds who share an experience that an unfortunate amount of women go through. Women from all different races, sexualities, etc. who came together to talk about how they've been subjected to sexual violence. Ellen degeneres was one of them. How does that fit into your "lesbians and cishet women cannot relate to each other" spiel?

OP's post has 130k notes and it makes me fucking sick. Holy crap y'all, we need more solidarity than this. Other women are not your enemy. I'm begging you to reconsider your approach to women who are different than you. You are missing out on people who can love and support you in a way that literally no male can. You are depriving yourself. Just because a few cishet women in the past alienated you, does not mean that you have to continue their legacy. Let it go. Everyone on earth can see you embracing your hatred of women, and you wonder why your fellow women never hug you? They fucking can't! Put your hatred down and make space for the love that comes with realizing that you absolutely are like other girls!

#You guys think you're so progressive but you're just in a woke version of not like other girls #Stop comparing lesbians to literal males #Jesus fucking Christ #I actually hate you guys so fucking much #I'm never telling anyone I'm gay every again bro #I hate all of you #I should've prayed to be asexual man #Maybe god would've taken me more seriously

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littlejuicebox · 2 months

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Shoutout Sunday

Here I am again with another recommendation list! This one is a bit different from the last, in that these recs are all fics written in third person rather than second person POV. Listed in no particular order. I wanted to include some smaller writers and newer pieces that may have not gained much traction yet!

I know I write a lot of second person POV, and I also enjoy reading this POV. BUT, I do want to encourage people to consider reading both first and third person work as well.

Some of these pieces are THE most compelling things I’ve ever read. Especially when someone’s OC is involved. Creators put A LOT of love into their OC work. If you like a creator’s second person stuff, I strongly encourage you to read their things written in other POVS… there’s a high chance it’s even better than their second person work, tbh.

All recommendations are below the cut. Happy Reading!

Thrice Before Dawn by @cursedhaglette- This is a smut piece set in Act 1. I promise you all that I thought about this fic for days after I read it. Physically made me blush. Top tier banter and the ending is chef’s kiss. It’s sort of a One Shot but I believe it’s also an ongoing collection/series.

Starlit Skirts by @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate - This One Shot is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff. This piece made me tear up. Every piece of Emi’s is divine. Astarion is working on creating Tav’s wedding dress and has been for months. The issue is, it’s requiring constant altering.

Blood in the Mortar by @bardic-inspo (tumblr) / bardic_inspo (AO3) - An AA One Shot that is beautifully written and exceptionally compelling, based on the concept of AA’s love interest being a vampire bride. Her OC Naomi is fantastic! OP hasn’t written smut in over a year and yet she does well, as if it’s her day job.

Memories of Us by @tallymonster - I maintain this is the only AU longfic I currently read and I adore it. There are a few chapters I am dying to catch up on. This version of Astarion is so interesting, I really like how she works with the concept of a vampire outliving all of his prior friends/contacts.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by @tragedybunny - Bunny is an OG, I’m certain most of you are familiar with her One Shots. She has a huge Masterlist, and surely you can throw a dart and any title it hits will be a win. But this AA series is a new longfic work of hers and I cannot wait to see where she takes it.

Loose the Arrow by pentuppen (AO3 only, unsure if the tumblr blog is the same person?) - This is the first BG3/Ascended Astarion longfic ever read and I was hooked. It inspired me to start writing myself! This storyline is compelling and the perfect blend of angst/comfort/smut. I’m not going to give away the plot, but the author’s summary itself is intriguing. Here’s a bit: “One night every year. She is always there waiting and he will always come.”

#READ THIRD PERSON POV DONT BE SCARED #littlejuiceboxrecs #astarion fic writers #fanfic recommendation #astarion fanfic recs #astarion fanfic recommendations #astarion fic #astarion fanfic

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tatsumessy · 1 year

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~ op men and their pregnant wife: she’s mad at them - series ~

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pairings: Sanji, Zoro, Shanks

warnings: misunderstandings, kissing,

theme: angst - fluff

synopsis: op men doing things to make you upset.

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Sanji all day had been in the kitchen ignoring you for some reason. He was gone when you woke up this morning and every time you tried to talk to him about something he would walk out the room or start a conversation with someone else.

You found out you were four months pregnant a month ago from Chopper who urged you to tell Sanji immediately but every time you tried the timing wasn’t right. But today you felt the need to finally just tell him.

You were all sitting at dinner together and being as petty as he was Sanji sat in between Robin and Nami, you just couldn’t stop them. Your tears started to fall, you dropped your fork out of shook while trying to clean your face but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Oh no, what’s wrong Y/n? I get it, Sanjis food makes me want to cry sometimes too.” Luffy said stuffing his face with the food that you didn’t eat, Sanji looked like his was ready to jump up and fight Luffy but you just smiled. “Is it the baby?” Chopper whispered in your ear but being the reindeer that he is everyone heard what he said.

“I-I’m sorry Sanji if I upset you.” You wiped your face while standing up and excusing yourself out of the kitchen to go downstairs below deck by the fish tank. The one place that could calm you down, even though you apologized you were even more pissed off than you were sad.

Everyone was still sitting at the table at a stand still except for Luffy of course. He wasn’t maying attention and was only eating but Tobin spoke up out of curiosity. “I’ve been noticing something’s with her lately, like the lack of skin she’s been showing, so it’s because of a baby? Huh. Makes sense.”

Are you that bad of a girlfriend that even the sweetest man on the earth could be upset with you? More tears fell as you cried into yourself while keeping your arms wrapped around your stomach. Footsteps could be heard infront of you but you couldn’t be bothered to look at him, you knew exactly who it was.

His arms pulled you forcefully into his chest as he placed a long kiss on your forehead. “Let me go.” You said trying to pry yourself away from him but he wouldn’t listen, you were to weak from crying and not eating as much as you should’ve for two people. “No, Y/n I’m sorry. I overheard a conversation between you and Luffy last night and I was just so upset with myself that I chose to be petty and ignore you.”

You pushed away from him looking at him with confusion, the conversation you had with Luffy last night was over food. Sanji had made you a snack before going to take a shower and Luffy was trying to eat it, he kept clinging onto you and you said, “I don’t need a clingy man on me.” Sanji is naturally clingy so when he overheard you saying this to Luffy he took it the wrong way.

After explaining that to each other you both say there staring at each other until you started crying once again. Sanji started freaking out once you punched him in his arm. “I thought I really did something to make you mad at me, why would you ignore me l-like that-t.” You whined into his chest as he sat there trying to calm you down, he knew it was the hormones causing you to cry like this but it was still a hard sight to look at.

“I’m sorry my love.” He apologized once again and sat there with you until you fell asleep. He picked you up and brought you back into your shared room so the both of you could go to sleep cuddling each other.

“YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE OF A HUSBAND, FATHER, EVERYTHING ABOVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.” You yelled at Zoro who stood there with his arms crossed with an annoyed expression on his face.

“I NEVER SAID I WANTED TO BE A FATHER IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOR DID I WANT TO GET MARRIED!” He yelled back, everyone on the ship stood there frozen at what he said. You could already feel the tears brimming in your eyes so before anyone could see you break down you used your devil fruit powers to get off the ship.

You disappeared into town trying to find a place to hide and just opted on sitting on a wooden crate box in the back of an alleyway. Because of how big your stomach was you weighed more than the box could handle and it broke causing you to fall onto the ground. The broken wood pieces scratched at your body but that wasn’t what hurt the most, it was what Zoro said to you.

When you think about it Zoro wasn’t fond of being in a relationship with you either, you wonder why he even married you in the first place. Maybe it’s best if you just leave him to do what he wants, to be free. Just to disappear, maybe he’ll be happy if you do that. The log pose already reset so you were supposed to be leaving an hour ago, maybe they left already which would’ve benefited all of them really.

Not to have a pregnant crybaby on the ship. Thinking back on your argument more tears started to form and as they fell so did heavy rain. You were getting soaked but at least with this you can mask how hard you were crying. You basically forced Zoro into a relationship with you and now he was finally telling you that he wanted an out.

You fell in love with him but i guess he just felt sorry for you. The only thing that could be heard throughout the town was the heavy rain and a group of people yelling loudly. It was your crew, they were looking for you.

The rain was getting heavier and before you knew it your body was over exhausted and you passed out. When you woke up you were in a room and just from hearing the rain outside you were asleep for a few minutes to an hour.

Chopper had run back into the room with a bowl of warm water, he placed a wet towel on your forehead breathing heavily. “Y/n, please wake up. The rain was so heavy when I found you, I brought you to the nearest building to take care of you. You have a high fever and this may prove bad to the baby. If you don’t wake u-” you shifted under the blanket and chopper yelled out in happiness.

“We need to get you back to the ship now.” He said helping you stand up, you were still in a pained daze as he changed into a form to where you could lay on his back. He placed a blanket over you and sprinted back to the ship.

You still got soaked through the blanket as you both arrived on the ship, he took you straight to his office to get your fever down. “Sanji, can you bring some soup for Y/n for when she wakes up.” He immediately started cooking something to your liking, when you finally woke back up Chopper forced you to take some prenatal medicine then forced you to eat something.

“Thank you Chopper. Do you think I could speak with Luffy?” He nodded and ran to go get their captain, Luffy showed up worried for you condition but faltered when he saw your expression. The bowl of soup laid in your lap as you looked up at him with teary eyes. “I think it’s my time to go Luffy.” “What?” He asked in confusion.

“With me about to have a baby and being useless for your crew-” Luffy gripped your shoulders urging you to look at him. “DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO OUR CREW AND EVERYONE WANTS YOU HERE. Just because you’re having a baby doesn’t mean that you’re going to be discarded like trash. We all have been looking forward to a new addition to our crew, Zoro is just a dumbass who says the wrong things at the wrong times.”

He smiled wiping your tears with his shirt before pulling you into a hug. This was the first time Luffy was serious with you so you knew he meant every word he said. That still didn’t change the fact that Zoro definitely meant what he said. Luffy stayed with you while you ate the rest of your soup talking with you about random things.

Chopper advised you to stay in his office so that he could check on you for the next couple of days and as you laid on your side reading a book the door opened. Thinking it was Chopper you ignored it but the large hand that rubbed the back of your thigh grabbed your attention.

“Y/n, I don’t expect you to talk to me but atleast listen to what I have to say.” You closed the book and set it down back where it was on Choppers desk, closing your eyes you laid there waiting for him to speak. “I love you.” He could see you visibly flinch at his words, “I know I don’t say it much but I do love you. I mean how can I not love you, I can’t even imagine my life without you in it now. Every decision I make I always think about how it’ll affect you.”

He paused and watched as you sat up leaning you back against the wall. Your eyes stayed closed but your arms were crossed over your chest. “I’m scared to have a child right now. We’re pirates always on the move on a ship, I’m still weak in many ways and I fear that I can’t protect the both of you. I’m sorry for what I said, I really didn’t mean it.” He looked down at your lap but your grip on his chin made him look at you.

“You are not weak. I don’t understand why you would even say something like that. I’ve never doubted you for a second in the field. Whose the one with devil fruit powers? Me, I can protect myself even if you weren’t here. But we are a team that’s why I know I can count on you to protect me whenever I need you. But this baby has the both of us as her parents and a whole family who loves them with everything they have. I love you Roronora Zoro.”

You were sitting on the deck in your sundress waiting for your husband to come out from below deck. It was your five year anniversary and Shanks promised to take you out on a date and to make the day feel special but as he walked out with your crew mates drunk on end you realized what was going on.

He forgot. He walked over to you dropping onto his knees and kissing your stomach while laughing, “Why are you so dressed up sweets?” You looked at him with an annoyed confused expression, “Are you serious right now Shanks.” He smiled wondering what you were talking about.

“Babe what is it?” He asked as you stood up walking back inside to your shared room, you locked the door behind yourself and changed into some more comfortable clothes. A knock at the door was heard and Shanks was asking for you to open the door for him but you ignored him and stayed laying in bed while reading a book.

You wanted to go on that date before being put on bed rest but he just had to ruin it, especially on your anniversary. He forgot and was acting childish in a situation you wanted him to be serious in. For a week you ignored him only letting the doctor in on his orders, “How long are you going to keep your husband looking like a puppy dog who lost his bone?” “Cause he did. He promised to take a day out for me for our anniversary, usually I let things like this slide but not this time.” You replied leaning back into the pillow as he checked your stomach making sure the baby was okay.

“Don’t leave him waiting for too long, he might bring the mood of the whole crew down.” He smiled leaving the room and you just laid there forgetting to lock the door, while reading there was a knock and you thought it was the doctor so you allowed for him to come in. It was Shanks, he jumped on the bed and wrapped his arms around your waist as his head laid on your stomach.

“Sweets I’m sorry. I promise I had the whole day planned out but then the guys brought on some new sake and I got distracted. I’ll admit I was in the wrong.” You rolled your eyes at his confession, he saw that and made a fake sad face while pressing his body against yours.

“Don’t do this to me. You know I don’t like it when your mad at me.” You scoffed as he tried to lean in for a kiss but you pushed his face away with the book, “You get nothing, it’s a fair deal. I got nothing you get nothing. Now go.” He started pouting and whether you wanted too or not he grabbed the book and threw it on the ground then interlocked his fingers with yours while attacking your face with kisses.

Giving in you started smiling and ended up giving him the kiss he’d been wanting for days. “I’m really sorry sweets, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” “Mhm sure mister emperor.” He gasped, “I thought I was your husband…”

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callsign-magnolia · 9 months

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Undiagnosed // Ch. 16

MATURE CONTENT 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut.

Word Count: 7.4k

Chapter 15 | Masterlist

I squeezed my eyes tightly as I registered light behind my eyelids. It hurt. I placed my hand over my eyes and my throat grew tight at the movement, nausea hitting me like a runaway train. I took a deep breath, hoping to ease it. My head throbbed and I questioned if I was dying. I surely feel like it. I slowly sat up on my elbows, wrenching my eyes open. The light stung but I looked down, realizing I was still in my clothes from last night and on top of my covers. I went to roll over onto my back but stopped. I was gonna be majorly sick. I jumped up slamming into my door before throwing it open and rushing over to the bathroom. I fell to my knees before throwing up everything in my system. My abdominal muscles ached by the time I was done, and I sat back against the tub. Once I regained my strength I stood on shaky legs and got in the shower, taking my toothbrush and toothpaste with me. I felt so much better after my shower but I forgot my clothes. So I peaked my head out of the bathroom and sprinted across the hall when I saw it was clear.

I got dressed in some soft shorts and a tank top before slowly making my way downstairs. Jake was sitting on the couch intently watching sports highlights on the tv as I made my way to the kitchen. I pulled out some leftover biscuits that Jake made yesterday as well as some sausage and gravy. Hopefully the food and some water will make me feel better. While my food was heating up, I took some tylenol with a lot of water. “Mornin’.” I turned to find Jake in the doorway. His voice was quiet, which was odd for him. Usually he’s more excited to greet me. “Good morning.” I was a little quiet myself but that’s just because I was worried if I was louder I’d make my head hurt more. The microwave went off and I pulled my food out and set it on the island. “Can… can we talk about last night?” Jake asked and I raised a brow. “I mean, I know I was drunk. I really shouldn’t have driven home. I’m sorry if I disturbed you when I came in.” I said, taking a bite of the biscuit. “That’s not what I want to talk about, Katie.” I looked up at him confused when an image flashed through my head. Me on my knees in front of him. I gasped, turning and facing away from him. “Oh my god.” I whispered to myself. “Katie-” I cut him off as tears streamed down my cheeks. I rushed past him and up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I can’t believe I did that! And he wanted to talk about it? Probably to tell me to leave.

No man will ever want you. My mother’s voice. I had to get her out of my head. God he probably thought I was desperate. You’re a whore. I could scream. “Get out of my head.” I sunk down the door, gripping my head. A knock on the door startled me and pulled me out of my head. “Katie?” What do I do? What do I say? Another knock. “Katie please.” He sounded worried. But I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t look at him. “Go… go away.” It took a second to muster up the words. “Katie-” “Jake,” My voice broke as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please.” Silence filled the space for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably a minute. I heard movement before he spoke again. “Your food is out here.” He said, his voice low and gentle before I heard him walk away. I sat there for a few minutes, making sure he really was gone and not worried if my food got cold, before gently turning the knob, hoping it wouldn’t make a sound and cracking the door open.

I looked around like a frightened animal, ensuring he was nowhere to be seen before snatching the plate and closing my door. I wouldn’t have worried about the food, would’ve left it downstairs completely had it not been for this god awful hangover. Tears fell into my food, but I didn’t care. I shouldn’t be crying. I did this to myself. You can’t cry about things you brought on yourself. Once I was done I attempted to read ahead in my text book and look over the notes for monday, that way I would be ahead, but I didn’t get far. I still felt like shit so I took a nap. I woke up to a single knock on my door and retreating footsteps. I gave it a minute and opened the door to find two water bottles. I grabbed them both and went back to studying. Once I heard the shower in Jake’s bathroom cut on, I left my room. I took the plate downstairs, washing my dishes, grabbing more water and rushed back upstairs. Jake never took long showers and I didn’t want him to catch me out of my room. Once I was back in my room I decided I was done studying and picked up a book, deciding I'd be better off losing myself to a fictional world. I don’t know how long I was reading for when a knock sounded on my door. “I’m going to bed.” He waited for an answer but his voice made tears come to my eyes. He sighed. “Goodnight, Katie.” It was quiet and I wanted to speak up but I couldn’t. I finally found my voice as I heard him walking away. “Goodnight Jake.” I don’t know if he heard me, but I hope he did.

The next day Jake was gone before I got up like usual, seeing as he has to be on base by six a.m. I went through the day feeling queasy, worrying about seeing him when I got home. Annie and Brook tried to make me feel better but it didn’t do much. So I drove home, preoccupied by driving. Who knew having to actually focus on shifting gears would be such a great distraction. But when I pulled into the driveway I felt sick to my stomach. I walked inside, rushing past Jake as he came out of the kitchen before he could stop me. That’s how the rest of the week went. I couldn’t look him in the eye after what I did. I felt mortified, even if he did seem to enjoy it. He didn’t ask me to do it, but he also didn’t stop me. Part of me hated myself and the other part of me was proud. Proud that I was so bold. I was never bold or brave. But the negative outweighed the good when it came to my emotions.

Come Thursday I hadn’t spoken to Jake except through text and even then I kept it short. I pulled into the driveway after a long study session with Brooke and Annie and saw the Bronco in the driveway. I huffed and got out, hoping I could slip by. When I walked in, it was quiet and I peaked around the corner and looked out the back door. I saw Jake, Bradley and Natasha sitting out on the back deck. I took the opportunity and ran past and up the stairs to my room. I let out a sigh of relief once I shut my bedroom door, leaning on it. I stripped out of my scrubs and slid into some black shorts and the sweatshirt Jake let me borrow a few weeks ago. It still smelled like him, faintly, but it did. I pulled my hair up into a claw clip and sat down on my neatly made bed, spreading my papers out around me. I anticipated a knock and it only took ten minutes for the first one. I frowned, staring at the door. “Can I come in?” It was Natasha. But I wasn’t sure that made me feel any better. “Yeah.” My voice cracked and I turned my attention back to highlighting.

I heard the door close but she just stood there. “You okay?” Why is it that when someone asks that, that’s the breaking point? The question always brings tears to my eyes. Tears brimmed my eyes before they spilled over, dotting my paper. “Shit.” I muttered, wiping my eyes. Natasha walked over, sitting on a clean spot on my bed and moving my paper so it wouldn’t get wet. “What’s wrong?” Her voice was sweet, concern lacing her tone. My bottom lip wobbled and I looked up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “Katie? What’s going on?” She asked, grabbing my hand. “I fucked up.” I whispered, shrugging my shoulders. “Plain and simple.” I sniffled, meeting her eyes. “That doesn’t tell me what happened.” How do I say this? If this was an exciting girl talk, I’d tell her what I did and we’d squeal like school girls. “I-” I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words. “I did something. When I came home from drinking wine with you and Bradley.” She raised a brow and I met her eyes. “I was drunk. And when I came in I caught him…” I felt weird saying it. “I caught him jerking off.” I spat out and she sputtered. “You caught him?” I nodded. “And he moaned my name.” Her eyes were going to fall out of her head. I swear! “You sure?” I nodded. “So, I walked over and- and-” “Take your time.” She said, adjusting her position on the bed so she was facing me. “I got on my knees.” She seemed to understand and her face fell. “Oh, Katie.” She said. “He didn’t ask me to do it. But he didn’t stop me. He even encouraged it at one point.”

“I told him, ‘You fantasize about me between your legs. I fantasize about your cock on my tongue.’ If I was in my right mind I probably would’ve never said that!” I threw my hands around and she grabbed them. “So you’re embarrassed?” I shrugged. “Yes and… I don’t know. I feel like I violated him in some way. When he wanted to talk about it the next morning, I’m pretty sure he was gonna kick me out.” Natasha shook her head. “He wouldn’t kick you out. But that is big Katie and you need to talk to him.” I shook my head. “I can’t even look him in the eye!” She nodded, calming me down. “I know. But he called Rooster and I over here because he thinks he did something wrong. He thinks he hurt you! He hasn’t even been right in the air.” That scared me. Not only that he’s not in the right state of mind when he goes up, but because he thought he hurt me. “Katie. He genuinely cares for you and not just in a friendly way, he likes you. You need to talk to him.” I knew she was right, but I was practically shaking at the thought of speaking to him. “You’re sure he’s not angry in any way?” She nodded. “Positive. He’s worried, Katie.” I took a deep breath, hoping to soothe the nerves in my belly. “Want me to send him in here?” I sat stock still for a moment before I gave her a single nod. “Okay. Rooster and I are probably about to leave. But if you want to talk after, call me.” I nodded and she squeezed my hand before disappearing downstairs. My face fell to my hands, the pressure helping my anxiety.

It was a few minutes before there was a knock on my door. I took a deep breath attempting to calm myself. “Come in.” I said, my voice shaky. The door opened and I finally looked up at him. His hair was messed up, not styled perfectly like usual. He had dark rings under his eyes and he genuinely looked exhausted. I felt awful. “Can we talk?” I asked and he nodded, closing the door behind himself before he sat down on the edge of my bed. “Jake I-” “Please, let me go first.” He said and I stared at him for a second before nodding. “Katie I- I don’t know what I did wrong. What I did to make you shut me out but I’m sorry.” I shook my head but he kept going. “I never wanted to hurt you. God, I never should’ve told you that we should forget about that kiss! We wouldn’t have this mess between us if I hadn’t said to pretend it didn’t happen!” He said, getting angry and standing. “Jake.” I said sternly and he turned and looked at me.

“You shouldn’t say things just because you think that’s what I want to hear.” I stood as well, stopping just in front of him. “You didn’t do anything, and I should be the one apologizing to you. I never should’ve done what I did last Saturday. I was drunk and when I remembered the next morning you were looking at me like you didn’t want me to and I shouldn’t have-” “Now wait a minute.” He cut me off. “Katie, if I didn’t want you to do that I wouldn’t have let you.” He was standing right in front of me, so close I could see the flecks of hazel around his irises. “What?” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have let you do it after you had been drinking. But god, I couldn’t resist.” His hand came up, resting on my cheek and I couldn’t help but nuzzle into it as I looked up at him. “You were right, I had been fantasizing about you. I have been for months now. But I couldn’t make a move. Not while you were finally healing and figuring out your life.” I couldn’t help but reach out, gently grabbing his shirt, rubbing the soft material between my fingers to keep myself grounded. “But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you no when I should have.” I raised a brow as his thumb ran across my cheek. “So… you’re saying you liked it?” I asked and there was a pregnant silence between us. He nodded. “Every bit. When I held you in my lap your first night here, running my fingers through your hair. Kissing you. Fuck I loved that part.” His forehead was resting against mine and the heat of the moment caught up to me.

“I have feelings for you.” I spoke quickly and closed my eyes, once again not able to look at him. I expected him to let go of me, to step back. But I was shocked to feel lips, softly pressing against mine. It was sweet and short before Jake pulled away. “I have feelings for you too, Katie.” I could’ve squealed, tossed myself into his arms but I didn’t. “Jake?” I asked and he hummed, meeting my eyes. “I-I want more than just a friendship out of this. But I think I need to focus on school a little more. This is only my second week and I haven’t even had my first exam yet.” He gave a light chuckle. “Just give me some time?” He just smiled. “You can have all the time in the world, darlin’.” He pulled back but I reached up and grabbed his shirt. “But a few kisses here and there won’t hurt.” I said before pulling him closer. His hands fell to my hips as mine slid over his shoulders. Our lips connected and this one was also sweet. I couldn’t help but smile into it. We pulled away and he stared down at me. “Please go to this ball with me?” My face fell and I sighed. “Jake-” “There will not be a single person there that would tell your parents where you are.” I huffed, looking up at him, his hands resting on my cheeks. “I’ll think about it.” He pursed his lips and was about to argue when I stopped him. “That’s the best you’re gonna get from me today.”

He took that as his sign to quit while he was ahead and he just chuckled. “Okay. Want me to make dinner?” He asked. “Hmm, I’m actually feeling chinese.” I said and he chuckled. “Okay. I’ll order your favorite.” He turned for the door and I stopped him. “Jake?” He turned to me, eyebrows raised. “Are we good?” I asked and he just smiled. He stepped closer, pecking my lips before grinning at me. “We’re very good.” With that he walked out of the room. He gently shut the door and as soon as I heard him descend the stairs I let out a quiet squeal, dancing around before I dove face first onto my bed, kicking my legs as I screamed into my pillow. Once I was done, I took a few minutes to calm down and finished up the page of notes I was working on and headed downstairs just as the doorbell rang. Jake opened the door and took the food as I grabbed a water from the fridge. I expected him to set the food on the table but he didn’t.

I furrowed my brows and looked towards the living room to see him setting the food on the coffee table. “We eating in here?” I asked, walking closer. “I thought we could. Tha tokay?” He asked and I nodded. I sat next to him and he handed me my sesame chicken and a veggie spring roll. “God this smells great.” I moaned, leaning back into the cushions and pulling my feet up. But I was caught off guard when Jake grabbed my ankles, pulling me closer till my thighs rested over his. Then he grabbed his own food, resting it on my legs. “Do I look like a table?” I asked, leaning closer and raising a brow. “No. But if you were, you'd be the prettiest table I ever saw.” I couldn’t help but laugh, loudly. I had to set my food down as I threw my head back and soon, Jake laughed with me. “That was so cheesy Seresin!” I said through my laughter. He just shrugged. “But it got you to laugh,” He leaned forward, kissing me softly. “And I love that sound.” I took a deep breath before smiling at him and grabbing my food. “I have feelings for him, but if he keeps this up I’ll be in love with him before I know it.

“So? Are you two in a relationship?” Annie asked as we walked into class after lunch. I had just told her and Brook about how Jake and I made up and our confessions. “No.” They both hit me with ‘WHY NOT?!’ and I jumped, not expecting such loud voices in my ear. “I think I need to prioritize school first. I can already see signs of struggle in my grades.” “Well we can help you!” Brook said excitedly and Annie nodded. “I will take the help, but I still think I’m gonna wait.” They both groaned and I chuckled. “I did tell him a few kisses in between would be nice though.” They both squealed, grabbing my arms. “Okay, we’ll study at your house.” Annie said and Brook nodded. “I’ll set up the jeopardy! We’ll make it a game! I’ll bring the wine!” She said and they were both so excited I couldn’t help but agree. “I can make a charcuterie board.” I suggested and they nodded. “I love charcuterie!” Annie said. “Okay, How does Friday sound?” I asked and they nodded as we walked into our classroom. I just stopped and realized, I hadn’t asked Jake yet. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind but I still felt bad. I’ll ask as soon as I get home.

At the end of the day when I got home Jake was shirtless, mowing the front lawn. I sat in my truck, biting my lip as I watched the muscles of his back contract. “Bark bark.” I muttered to myself. I got out just as he turned to mow towards me. He saw me as I walked in front of my truck and waved before turning off the lawnmower. He was dripping sweat as he walked closer and I couldn’t help but stare as the hot sun gleamed off his tan skin. “Hey, darlin’.” He said with a wide smile before leaning in and kissing me. As he pulled back I stared at him in surprise. “What? Should I have not done that?” He asked and I cleared my throat, shaking my head. “No, it’s fine. It just surprised me. I know I said a few kisses here and there, I just expected you to do it a lot less often.” He nodded. “I’ll back off then.” He turned and I grabbed his arm, my hand not able to close around the bulging bicep. “No.” I said and he raised a brow at me. “I am perfectly fine with all of the kisses. I will happily take them all.” I said, tossing my arms around his neck.

He smiled, grabbing my waist and pulling me flush against him before kissing me again. His lips molded against mine and my fingers played with the hair at the base of his neck. Once we pulled away he smiled before kissing my forehead and letting me go. “I’ll start dinner once I’m done.” He said and I shook my head. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” He just nodded knowing an argument would be futile. “Oh, Jake?” I asked before he got too far. He turned to me, humming. “Can I have some friends over to study on Friday? You can hang around. I’m gonna do a charcuterie board and Brook is gonna bring wine.” He immediately nodded. “You don’t have to ask me, darlin’. You live here too. We’ll go to the store tomorrow and get you everything you need.” I nodded. “Thank you!” I sang before going inside to change out of my now sweat covered scrubs. After my shower I went downstairs to start dinner. Jake had now moved to the back yard and I could tell he was sweating profusely. He’ll want a shower before dinner, I know that much. So I kept dinner simple. Chicken and I grilled some vegetables before doing some baked potatoes to go with it.

I heard the back door slide open and he took a deep breath before letting it out loudly. “You okay?” I asked, walking over with some water and handing it to him. “I hate mowing the grass.” He said, looking down at me with a grin. I felt bad for him having to do something that he hates so much. “Oh, I can do it. I don’t want you doing something you hate so much.” I told him, pointing out to the shed in the backyard that held the lawnmower. He just chuckled, fingers gently gripping my chin and turned me to face him. “You’re so sweet.” He slowly leaned down, gently pressing his lips to mine before pulling back just an inch. “But I couldn’t let my pretty girl get all sweaty and dirty doing yard work.” I raised a brow, about to smart off to him when he stopped me. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re fully capable of doing it.” He leaned in close, sweaty body pressed against mine. I already showered, but God, I didn’t want him to step away. I was surprised by how good he smelled, so much so I wanted to run my tongue up the divot that sat between his abs. “But I think I’d rather see you sitting pretty on the back deck, bikini top untied, tanning.” I giggled, practically preening into him. “Really?” I laughed out. He grinned at me, kissing me again. “God, you’re gorgeous.” He whispered against my lips. “Okay. Go shower.” I said, pushing him away gently and he pouted. “Really?” He asked and I nodded. “Yes, because if you don’t, I’m jumping your bones.” I said before walking back into the kitchen, leaving him standing there.

Come Friday the sexual tension between us had built up, leading to a few heated makeout sessions but he stopped every time. It was so frustrating I could cry. I had just finished the charcuterie board and set it on the coffee table as the doorbell rang. “I got it!” Jake rushed by me, the wind off his body shifting my hair around as he blew by. “Ladies!” He greeted s he opened the door. Brook, ever the social one, yanked him into a bone crushing hug. “Good to meet ya!” She said and when she let Jake go his eyes were wide like he was shocked. Brook was tall, around five foot ten, she was more built, spending a lot of free time in the gym. Annie was petite and a little more reserved, so she just gave Jake a big smile and waved as he let her in. “The food looks so good.” Brook said as she walked over. Jake took the wine bottle as Brook and Annie joined me by the couch. “I’ll grab some glasses for you ladies and a beer for myself then we’ll get started!” He said, walking towards the kitchen. “You’re staying?” I asked and he nodded. “Y’all turned it into a game. Figure I’ll be your host for the evening.” With that he disappeared into the kitchen.

“That’s Jake?!” Annie whispered to me and I nodded with a grin. “He’s hot.” Brook said, not bothering to whisper. “I know.” I whispered, sitting back on the couch. “Okay! I got the glasses!” Jake carefully set the three wine glasses down before opening the bottle and pouring it. “Here you go.” He handed Brook and Annie their glasses first before handing me mine. “Here you go, darlin’.” I blushed slightly as he handed me my glass. “Okay. Let’s get this going!” Brook pulled out her laptop and pulled up the game and cast it onto the tv. “Who wants to go first?” Jake asked and both Brook and Annie pointed to me. “Katie!” They both yelled and I groaned. “What’ll it be, darlin’?” I stared at the columns for a minute. “Urinary Systems.” I said and he raised a brow. “For?” He asked, smirking at me. I chuckled before glancing at the tv again. “Urinary Systems for four hundred Alex!” He just chuckled and selected it. “Just call me Hangman, ladies.” He cleared his throat before reading the question. “The outer layer of the kidney is the what?” He looked to me and Annie pulled out her phone, playing the Jeopardy theme. “Oh my god.” I groaned. I thought about it for a minute, but I was so confused. I knew it was one of two things but I couldn’t remember which was which. “Um, Cortex?” He made a buzzer noise. “That is wrong! You didn’t word the answer correctly.” He grinned at me and I glared. “Really?” I asked and he shrugged.

“If you’re gonna play the game, you’re gonna play it right.” I huffed, sipping my wine. “Fine. What is the cortex?” I asked. “Correct!” He announced. The rest of the game went by and we were really just having fun. “Last one Brook.” Jake said. “I’ll take arteries of the lower extremities for a thousand, Hangman!” She said loudly and he selected it. “What is the name of a series of arteries which supply the blood to knee joints?” Jake asked, sounding confused as he finished the question. Brook and Annie went easy on the wine, seeing as they had to go home, but I indulged. I was pretty tipsy and I could tell because my vision moved slower than my body. I whipped my head to my left to look at Brook and it took a second for my vision to catch up and register the side of her face. “The Genicular artery!” She yelled immediately and upon hearing she got it right we all broke out into squeals. Brook and Annie really knew their stuff, but this really showed my weak areas, which Annie wrote down. Brook chugged the last of her wine before turning to us. “We should do this before every exam.” She said and Annie and I agreed. “I’m down.” Jake said, raising his hand as he closed Brooks laptop and handed it back to her.

It didn’t take long for us to clean up, the charcuterie board was picked clean. Finally, we were saying goodbye to Brook and Annie, watching them walk out to their cars and once they were in, Jake shut the door. I turned, leaning my back against the door, looking up at Jake. “Oh, don’t look at me like that.” He whispered, stepping closer. He gently grabbed my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, looking down at me as he stepped closer. His cologne invaded my senses and I easily could’ve climbed him like a tree but I held back. “Look at you like what?” I asked, reaching out and gently sliding my hands under his t-shirt. I felt him shiver and his abdominals contract as I did it. “Like you want me to kiss you.” He whispered and I grinned. “Would it be that bad if I really wanted you to?” I pulled my hands out from under his shirt and wrapped my arms around his neck, forcing him to let go of my chin and wrap his arms around my waist. “No cause I wanna kiss you.”

He leaned down and his lips met mine. There was a fire behind it and I felt it as his tongue tangled with my own. I moaned as he pulled me flush against him and my fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck. His hands slid from my waist, over my ass and gave a soft squeeze before he grabbed the backs of my thighs and I jumped, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Fuck.” He muttered as I kissed along his jaw before licking the spot just under his ear. He walked us over to the couch and he tossed me onto it before climbing over me, his lips capturing mine again. I spread my legs for him, allowing him to settle between them as he grabbed my wrists, pinning them by my head. “Shit.” I moaned out, feeling just how hard he was as he started grinding his hips into mine. “Jake.” I whined, reaching for his back and tugging on his shirt. This was normally where he stops me but he sat up this time, allowing me to tug his shirt off and toss it to the floor somewhere.

He grinned down at me as he sat on his knees and I sat up, running my hands up his abs, occasionally letting my nails skim his skin. I was eye level with his crotch and I tilted my chin up, licking up to his navel before I unbuttoned his shorts. His cock was straining against the black material of his boxers and I couldn’t help but tug his waist band down just enough to lick his weeping tip. “Katie.” He sighed, pulling away and standing next to the couch. I huffed, falling back onto the couch. “I know. We shouldn’t.” I stared up at the ceiling and he sighed, leaning over me. “It’s not that I don’t want you, darlin’.” I scoffed. “Then what the hell is keeping you from having sex with me?” I asked and he just stayed quiet. “Whatever.” I muttered before getting up and making my way upstairs. If he doesn’t want me now, I’ll make it hard as hell to resist. I smiled to myself, an idea forming in my head. I went into my room, shutting the door and rushing over to my closet. I reached onto the wire rack at the top and pulled down a pair of denim shorts Nat had bought me. I didn’t wear them because they were just a smidge too short but I knew I just had to break them out tomorrow.

The next day around noon I changed into the shorts and a black bikini top. I grabbed the sunscreen, a book and filled a cup with water before walking out onto the back deck. Jake was shirtless and cutting back some limbs and trimming a few bushes by the back fence. He stopped when I walked out, watching me sit on the lounge chair he had out here. I waved and gave him a wide smile before putting the sunscreen on. No man is gonna be turned on by lobster red skin. When it came time to get my back I tried to reach but I couldn’t. “Need some help?” He asked, just as I planned. He walked up the stairs, pulling off his work gloves, the sweat dripping down his body from the southern California heat. “If you don’t mind.” I flashed him a smile as I crossed my legs at the knee, leaning back on my palm as I held out the bottle of coconut sunscreen. He eyed me but gave me a small smile before taking the bottle and sitting in the chair behind me. He quietly rubbed the lotion in, getting under my bathing suit straps, all the way down to the top of my shorts. “What’s this about?” He asked and I shrugged. “Figured I’d take a break from studying and tan. I was getting awfully pale for it being the end of summer.”

I laid back in the chair, stretching out as he stared at me. “Are you gonna stare at me all day?” I asked, looking over at him through my sunglasses. If I didn’t know any better I’d say a red tinge went up his neck. “Uh no. I’ll just go finish the yard work.” He said as he stood. He walked down the steps and back out to where he was in the yard previously. He looked back at me as he tugged his gloves on and I grinned at him, grabbing my book and opening it to where I last was. I read for about half an hour before I flipped onto my stomach. I heard footsteps start up the stairs and I smirked, reaching behind me and tugging the bottom string of my bikini top and undoing it so it fell loose around me. “Fuck.” I heard him whisper and I grinned. “Think you need more sunscreen?” He asked. “It wouldn’t hurt.” I said as I looked up at him. He grabbed the bottle and applied more. Paying special attention to my lower back, fingers running just under the waistband of my shorts, before pressing into my shoulders and drawing moans from me. Then his hands went to my ribs, the tips of his fingers grazing the sides of my breasts and causing a shiver to run up my spine.

“Can’t have you gettin’ burnt, now can we?” He leaned down, whispering the words into my ear before kissing the back of my neck. “Nope.” I popped the ‘p’. I bent my legs at the knees, slowly kicking them back and forth as I watched him step back and lean on the railing and look at me. “What are you doing?” He asked. “Can’t a girl tan?” I asked and he chuckled. “You can. It’s just out of the norm for you. And shorts? I’ve never seen you in anything other than sleep shorts, let alone denim shorts.” I couldn't help but giggle at him. “Maybe I wanna try something different. I’m wearing scrubs all week, so I figured I would try to break away from the dresses and the heels and try something else.” He stared at me for a minute but eventually nodded. “I get it. I’m gonna grab a water. Need anything?” I shook my head, laying my forehead back on my arms. “No thank you.” I said and he slipped inside.

Another hour went by and I rolled back onto my back. Jake wasn’t paying attention to me at the moment which was okay. I put more sunscreen on before leaning back again. The strings were still untied and I decided to take it a few steps further and unzipped my shorts. I didn’t take them off but then I reached up, taking off the bikini top completely. I looked up to see Jake with his back to me which was fine. I dropped the top next to me before getting comfortable with my book. Over time I got comfortable laying here topless, especially since Jake’s back was to me, but I knew eventually he’d turn around. So I decided to set my book down and close my eyes, leaning back in the chair. A few minutes later I heard something clatter onto the wooden deck floor. I opened my eyes and from behind my glasses I could see Jake standing on the top step, staring at me after he dropped some tools to the floor.

“You okay?” I asked, acting like I was unbothered when in reality I was doing everything in my power to keep from blushing. His mouth opened then closed then opened again but nothing came out. “What-you-top…” He managed after a minute. “Oh? My top?” He just nodded. “I decided I didn’t want tan lines.” I said and he didn’t move. I looked down at my chest, deciding I should go inside. “Well, I think I’ve spent enough time in the sun.” I sat up, grabbing all my stuff and including my top before walking over to Jake, kissing his cheek before I walked back inside. But as soon as I was out of sight of the back door I sprinted up the stairs, ducking into my room and swiftly closing the door. “Oh god.” I muttered. Why the hell did I think that was a good idea? I couldn’t tell how he felt about seeing me like that. I thought he’d have a smirk on his face but it was unreadable. What the hell am I doing?

The rest of the week I did things that would catch Jake’s attention. That includes wearing the lingerie he bought me when I first moved in. I wore it when I went downstairs for some water before bed one night, Jake was getting his lunch ready as I strutted by him. He choked on air as I opened the fridge and I had a smirk on my face as I went to bed. “You’re killing the man.” Nat said as we walked into the dress shop one afternoon. She asked me to help her find a dress for the ball that was now two weeks away. “That’s the plan. I told him I wanted to wait, but he’s the one that wants to kiss me. I have no objections to it but when I try to take it farther, he stops and when I asked him about it. He just stared at me.” I told her and she shrugged. “That is weird. I figured if you wanted to sleep with him, he’d be keeping you in his bed.” My cheeks flushed at her words. “So for him to hold back is… not very Hangman like.” I nodded. “So it’s something to do with me, isn’t it?” She shook her head. “Nothing is wrong with you. But I’ll talk to him about it. He comes in everyday already complaining that he can’t walk out of his room without a boner so if I ask it’s not going to seem weird.” I nodded as she walked to a rack and sifted through the dresses.

Soon the conversation turned to what she should wear and after two hours I pulled out a gorgeous bright red gown. It was strapless and flowy and fit her like a glove. “Red is so your color.” I said from the chair I was sitting in. She smiled at me in the mirror. “And navy blue is yours.” I raised a brow in confusion until the sales associate came in holding a navy blue dress. “Nat-” “Just try it on.” We stared each other down for a moment before I caved. “Fine!” She changed out of her dress while I got into mine. It was a gorgeous A-line dress that flared out at the waist. It was off the shoulder, gold framing the neckline and the straps on my arms. It really was beautiful and as I shifted I realized there was a slit in the skirt, coming up to mid thigh. I heard a squeal from behind me and saw Nat doing a little dance. “It’s so pretty!” I nodded in agreement. “Too bad I don’t have anywhere to wear it to.” I said as I reached around for the zipper. “Oh my god!” She groaned. “Go to the damn ball with him! He’s dying to take you and they’re so fun!” I shook my head. “They’ve never been fun for me. There’s just too many risk factors.”

“No one is looking for you anymore. Everyone is sure that you left on your own. Coop, Richardson, nor your parents will be there! You have no reason not to go so you are going!” She gave me no room for argument. Once she dropped me back at the house she came in. “What’s that?” Jake asked as I walked by. “A dress for the ball.” Nat said, crossing her arms in front of her. Jake whipped his head around to me and I nodded. “I’ll be over around three to help her get ready, Rooster will meet us here and we’ll all go together.” She said and he just nodded before standing and coming over to me. “You’ll go with me?” He asked, taking my free hand and I nodded. “Yes.” He just grinned, leaning down and kissing me. I smiled into the kiss and when he pulled away we noticed Nat was gone. “Guess she didn’t wanna stick around.” Jake said and I nodded with a laugh.

I was nervous in the days leading up to the ball. It was the only thing I could think of and it was distracting me from school. Day of, I woke up and puked up everything I had. I could hardly eat all day and by the time Nat showed up, I looked like hell. “Did you not sleep?” She asked and I shook my head. “No. I’m not sure if I should go.” Nat huffed and looked at me in the mirror as she wrapped my hair around the curling iron. “I’m serious. I’ve been sick all day and I can’t even stomach the thought of food.” It was quiet for a minute and she sighed. “I’m not gonna force you to go. I can’t. But I will tell you this.” She set the curling iron and met my eyes. “You cannot live in fear of your parents. You can’t spend your life avoiding the places they may be. Neither of them will be there tonight and even if they were, we wouldn’t let them do a single thing.” She started gathering the curls to pin my hair. “Commander Blair could discharge all of us and it’d be worth it, Katie.” I knew she was right but it was hard. I thought while she pinned up my hair and started my makeup. “I’ll go.”

Even with my eyes closed, I knew she was grinning. We didn’t speak much as I helped her get ready and soon we helped each other into our dresses. “God, you look gorgeous.” I told Nat as she fixed her skirt. “So do you. I bet twenty bucks you make Hangman speechless.” I shook my head. “I doubt it.” I told her. We slid on our heels and I grabbed my clutch before we made our way downstairs. Bradley was already here, standing with Jake. They were both in dress whites and they looked so incredibly handsome. Nat walked right over to them, hugging both of them. “Damn Katie!” Bradley said loudly as he saw me. Jake turned around and I watched as his eyes raked over my body. He was silent as he walked over, slowly approaching before he stopped just before me. We stared at each other for a minute before his hand came up, cradling my cheek ever so gently “You’re so beautiful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @wkndwlff @alltimereverie @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @kmc1989 @sandaltoesocks @mayhemmanaged @dempy @itsdesiree86 @sunderland-6 @jstarr86 @brooke-stinson @rachkon @topguncultleader @bethbunnyy @topgun-imagines @clancycucumber230 @seitmai @kkrenae @djs8891 @shanimallina87 @wildxwidow @eugene-emt-roe @hisredheadedgoddess28 @littlewhiterose @formulapierre @wade-wilsons-chew-toy @bethabear12 @halstead-severide-fan @gg-trini @memeorydotcom @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker @inthestars-underthesun @praline357 @fanboyluvr @greaser9902 @felinegrate @lemmons1998 @thegoddessc @lynnevanss

#undiagnosed #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin smut #jake seresin top gun #top gun maverick #top gun hangman #hangman seresin #jake seresin x oc #jake seresin x neurodivergent oc #adhd oc

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chaifootsteps · 1 month

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Hi, so I've decided to call myself Ship Anon because that's all I've really talked about here. I just wanted to vent on here to you, because I don't really want to talk to people I know irl about Hazbin Hotel. I've been around in the fringes of the fandom since the pilot first came out. Like every fandom HH had its issues. There were definitely people who did not know how to act properly, but it feels like it has gotten so much worse lately.

It's become so normal for me to try to look up tags for RadioDust and having to scroll through posts stating how much they hate this ship. How much this ship shouldn't exist. How people who ship it are delusional. How we should just accept reality and get over it. It feels like a competition every day to see how many people each post can get to say "Oh I hate that ship too!". It feels like a competition on who can say the most outlandish thing in order to try and get the attention of the more widely known people in the fandom. In order to get a like or a comment from them. It doesn't feel like the tags of our own ship are safe anymore, because people will deliberately tag that ship in order to hate on it. A ship that used to bring so much comfort to me now brings me pain. They are slowly making me feel dirty for loving it.

The worst part is I'm not the only one who feels like this. There are so many people posting about how it feels like the fandom is eating itself away. One was just made today that had a lot of traction, and so many people tried to voice how much they cared and felt for the OP. But it felt so fake. It felt completely and utterly fake. Because I know some of these people turned around and started talking bad about a ship they don't like not to long after. When the Shay document first was posted some of these same people were commenting how it was clearly fake. People talking about how the document was made by the "haters" in order to defame Viv. They refuse to acknowledge how badly things have gotten.

People can try to defend Viv all they want and say she can't control what her fans do, but she can control what she likes and endorses. She's shown that sometimes if you say something out there enough she might comment of like your post. She needs to understand that the fandom will emulate what she does. As the fandom gets bigger the more of these voices come out. The more I feel smaller and smaller. The more I start to question if I wanna keep looking in as they tear apart something I cared about. Thankfully there are so many amazing artists and people who care about this ship. I try to stay positive and seek out the content they make. I try and protect still small little bubble I have left. I just hope when the next season comes out it doesn't get completely shattered.

You're most certainly not dirty and I'm so sorry this is happening. It shouldn't be like this at all, but as sad as it is to say it, Viv seems to thrive in it.

Just know that these people aren't worth your time and stress. Sometimes carving out little fandom nooks and curling up safe in them is the best thing to do. Find like-minded friends, create what you like, and have fun, because that's what fandom should be.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #vivziepop fandom #actual blog post #ship anon

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mccnstruck · 6 months

Text

the dreams you let me follow.

characters: kazuha x gn!reader

tags: hurt/comfort, reverse comfort but also comfort both of you guys are a mess, not proofread, 2k+ words, long fic, gender neutral, no pronouns besides "you" for reader, self-indulgent, op is possessed by kazuha brainrot, could be seen in the same storyline as “never alone”, mentions of mental breakdowns, implied emotional abuse?, very ooc i don't know man

a/n: i know i posted like a few days ago but as today comes to an end i literally couldn't let myself go to bed without making something for kazuha. happy birthday kazuhaalkdlwklkaw AHHDHDHHAH ok. but anyways the ending was HORRENDOUS but if i carried it on any longer i would never finish this. reblogs and tags are much appreciated. oh and also you and kazuha both have abandonment issues LMFAOOAOOAOA

You looked beyond the windows of your Mondstadt home and onto the rain that poured on Monstadt City. The sun hid behind grey clouds, whose sobs embodied the roaring thunder. Its tears fell onto Mondstadt soil, and you saw people quickly run back home to the warmth of their homes. You turned on the lamp beside your bed and took a journal out of the bookshelf next to your bed. Your fingers felt the embroidery on the book’s spine and grazed over the writing on the cover. The red ink on the front read: “To Kadehara Kazuha.”

You opened the journal and grazed over your handwriting. Pages upon pages of messy handwriting took you back to the days when you first settled in Mondstadt.

You remembered the night before you set your travels for Mondstadt. You entered your cabin (for quite possibly, the last time in a long time) and saw him writing in his journal. Crimson eyes looked up at you and Kazuha smiled. The moonlight barely shone inside the cabin, but even you could make out the tears that slid down his face.

Your heart shattered when you heard his voice. “Hello, dear.”

“Kazuha, what happened?”

You rushed to his side and sat on the bed. You brought your hand to cradle his face and gently slid your thumb over the tear stains on his face.

You whispered, sadness lacing over your voice. “Kazuha…is it because of me?”

He sat in silence, and both you and him stared at the journal laid on his lap.

“As a wanderer, I should know your situation best. It is not your fault, by all means. You should be allowed to embrace the love of Mondstadt City.”

“Kazuha-”

“Yet. Yet I keep trying. I keep…on trying…to cling on…”

His tears fell onto the blanket and he hid his face from you; trying to wipe his tears away.

Your breath hitched, and you felt your world crumble around you.

Kazuha’s demeanor crumbled, and you pulled him into your arms.

Seeing Kazuha’s usual smile taken from you….because of you. He said it wasn’t your fault, yet you felt the loneliness of Kazuha’s future travels. You felt the future lonely nights when you would have to stare out the window: wondering where your lover would share his love.

But, you had to do this.

You had to escape. And Kazuha knew. Both of you knew.

Instead of comforting him with false lies you both knew to be meaningless; you instead made him promise one thing.

“Kazuha. Keep on writing. Keep on writing and exploring the world.”

He looked at you and paused at your words. “Why wouldn’t I do that in the first place?”

“Just…Just keep on writing. Never lose that spark. Do what you love, okay?”

You held out your hand to him and your pinky stuck out. The child in you, clinging to whatever promises you could believe in, desperately hoped for Kazuha to respond in kind.

You softly smiled when he intertwined his pinky in yours. He promised, no matter what happened, to always follow the spark in his heart.

At the thought of Kazuha, the journal in front of you became blurry. You looked up to find your home to be blurry as well. You were crying. Your tears fell as the gray clouds cried louder.

Archons, you wished to see him again. The unnerving fear of forgetting his face ate you alive every day, and you yearned to hear his voice once more. You were so busy laughing and working throughout the day that on nights when you only accompanied the thoughts in your head, you realized how long it had been.

Would you even be able to show your face in front of him? You just…left Kazuha and went on your travels.

No…you both knew. You had to leave Sumeru. You needed to build a home somewhere.

Sumeru…

But why….why did you feel something for Sumeru? Your chest felt heavy, full of sin. Your happiness felt sinful, almost as if you needed to go back and plead for the Akademiya to take you back.

Let them rip your designs to shreds, have them accept your crumpled academic papers with messy writing and dried tears.

Mama, Papa.

They wouldn’t even let you acknowledge them.

Did you mess up? Oh, you messed up. Did you? You could’ve lived with stability, with respect. You could’ve sacrificed your dreams, because everyone knows you’re just going to wake up anyways. Yet you lived your life sleepwalking, clinging to your dreams and ignoring reality.

Was this what your parents wanted you to see? No. They could’ve supported your ambitions. They could’ve pushed society’s whispers and helped you build your wishes.

Yet. They didn’t.

You couldn’t even remember their faces.

Mama. Papa.

You couldn’t remember their faces. Yet their voices haunted your very being every day.

Mama. Papa.

Mama. Papa. Mama. Papa. Mama, Papa, I’m so sorry Im so sorry im so soryryr mim sodttyt iams oso soryryruh please pforgive me PLEASE

Your thoughts were corrupted of pure hatred and that night, the beloved engineer of Mondstadt was left to rot in the hell of loneliness and insecurity.

No one was to go through the rain to find you crying, so you could’ve screamed at the walls in your home and still would’ve gotten no response. Yet, knowing how alone you were, you quietly trembled and wrapped yourself in your arms. Your journal laid at your side, and the hopes of seeing your beloved turned into desperate cries to not be alone. The dried tears on the page said it all.

You don’t know how long you’ve been crying. Your chest felt the same heaviness, but your tears had stopped. You didn’t have the energy to wipe them off. You shifted on your bed to turn the lamp off when…

A thud shook your house, followed by a knock.

You would’ve excused the thud to be the thunder, but a knock? Who was to be at your home in the rain?

“Give me a minute!”

You felt extremely bad to delay some warmth to the person outside, but your face was completely unrepresentable. You rushed to the bathroom to wipe your tears off and disregarded the other visible signs you were crying. You pulled out a scarf to offer and rushed to the door.

When you opened the door, your eyes widened at the white hair with a crimson streak running through it. Crimson eyes looked back at you with glee, and the figure grinned at your shock.

“Hello, dear.”

“You’re lying. You’re lying. No, I’m dreaming. This is a joke-”

In your state of denial, he pulled your hand towards him and wrapped his arms around you. He hid you in his embrace, and not even the pouring rain could separate you from him.

Kazuha whispered, “It’s been so long…so…” He paused, his shoulders shaking, before he continued. “I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”

You gritted your teeth to hold back your sobs, yet the tears started again when you enclosed Kazuha in your arms.

Your voice shook, and your chest gasped for air. “Archons, I missed you. So much.”

Even with your warmth, Kazuha shivered from the cold winds. You led him inside and let him warm up by the fireplace while you prepared something to eat.

Kazuha noticed the tissues stacked up on your bed and your attempts to hide your journal in the bookshelf.

“Dear?”

Your head turned rapidly toward him and you put on a fake grin. Your tears were wiped off, yet your eyes looked pained; as if they were about to close with agony. “What’s up?”

“I…Are you alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah. I’m ok. Why? Need anything?”

Kazuha worriedly smiled. “You seemed tense. And when you opened the door, your face looked pained. Desperate.”

You paused at Kazuha’s words and almost whirled back into your thoughts. You never understood how Kazuha could see past you, but it was an admirable skill, yet it made you very vulnerable.

You regain your voice and shakily respond. “Hm. I’m just.. stressed. Don’t worry, it's a usual thing. Don’t worry yourself about it. Can’t have your pretty little head anxious over me.”

Your flirtatious remarks would’ve gotten to him, had your voice been more steady and confident.

Kazuha, to your relief, let you drop the topic. Yet you knew he wasn’t going to let you go without talking.

He pulled out a journal from his bag and laid it on his lap. The journal was colored red with designs that originated from Inazuma. He opened it to the very first page and began to speak.

“That night before you left the Crux, I wrote in a new journal I had gotten. Remember the shop we visited in Inazuma?”

You hummed, acknowledging the memory.

“I awoke in the middle of the night and wrote my first entry. It was dedicated to you. Here,” he held the open journal and gestured for you to read it, “you can read it.”

You take the journal from Kazuha’s grasp and sit down in the seat next to his.

“To My Engineer,

You’re so far away in the land of dreams, that I’m afraid I cannot reach you even in the night. I had a nightmare, but I don’t want to bother you right now. You have a long day ahead of you.

My Engineer. I hope I get to see you again so that one day I can show you this journal and you can ask me why I called you ‘my engineer’ instead of ‘my dear’.”

You cheekily ask, “Why did you call me your engineer?”

Kazuha chuckled and gestured for you to read further.

“Ever since I met you, I was so enthralled with your dreams that I forgot that those dreams aren’t stuck in place. Yet I clung on.

To the future engineer who sees this. I am so proud of you. Leaving home, knowing it doesn’t call for you, hurts. I am so proud of you.

I miss you. Yet you lay next to me as of right now, sound asleep. I’ll miss you, so very much, my engineer. Yet I know your dreams will inspire little kids and make Mondstadt proud. That’s what I admire about you. Your dreams don’t stop with you, but grow to communities, and will grow around Teyvat, in time. No matter what anyone says, you deserve to follow your dreams. You shouldn’t have to be stuck in one place. You’ve taught me the same.

This journal is dedicated to you. When you told me to follow my spark, a part of me hoped my spark would lead me to you.

My engineer, I hope you build your dreams and smile at your designs. I hope I can see you again.

Your lover,

K. Kazuha”

Your voice lost all of its stability when you whispered Kazuha’s name. You looked up with teary eyes to see Kazuha staring at the journal with a bittersweet smile.

“Ever since you told me to never stop writing, and to follow my spark, I thought about Inazuma after so long. For so long, I refused to remember the decline of the clan. But, that night, I thought about the promise between my father and I. I…”

He fell silent, yet his face remained the same.

“You’ve shown me, indirectly, how dreams heal the soul. Dreams are such temporary illusions we indulge ourselves in, but it is also a future promise to ourselves. Humanity cannot stay forever in one place. If a wounded animal wants to escape from a trap, it has to sacrifice the hind leg that was caught. Staying in the trap has far more deadly consequences.”

You held Kazuha’s hand and slid your thumb over his skin. Kazuha finally looked at you and closed his eyes; letting the touch of your skin ground him to Teyvat.

After a little while of shared silence, you let go of his hand and wiped your tears. You stood up and moved to your bookshelf, taking out the journal with the embroidery on the spine.

Kazuha raised his eyebrows with curiosity as you sat back down. You laid out the journal in front of him and gave him a teary smile.

“I wrote a journal dedicated to you too. I don’t think my dreams ever not consisted of you in them.”

He opened the journal to find pages upon pages of messy handwriting in front of him; all consisting of different dates, all to him.

“I…Even though I couldn’t see you, I still felt your presence with me. So I kept a journal of my own.”

Kazuha flipped through the journal and saw his name on every page he flipped through. Messy handwriting spelled out his name through times of sadness and times of joy. Your handwriting spelled out his name, Kazuha. Kazuha. Kazuha. Kazuha.

“Kazuha?”

He looked up at you and realized he was crying.

“I…I don’t know why. I tried to ease my mind by thinking that you would be so caught up in your work. I just…you dedicated this to me…”

You stood from your seat and pulled Kazuha into your arms. He rested his head on your shoulder, and both of your journals laid next to each other.

All of your problems, the guilt, the shame, it would never go truly away. But knowing Kazuha was here, whether with you or traveling the world, kept you chasing your dreams. You only hoped that he was here to see those dreams become reality.

The thunderstorm of the night continuously roared throughout the lands, yet for a moment it calmed itself at the two lovers’ embrace, who couldn’t be bothered by the world’s burdens placed upon them. The thunderstorm paused its cries to listen to the quiet declarations between two lovers, before starting back up again and letting its tears merge with the Mondstadt soil.

mccnstruck. do not plagiarize or repost.

taglist: @risekuni, @omori-1, @tearsasmascara, @yinyinggie

#・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗#astronetwrk #kazuha x reader #kazuha x you #kazuha x gender neutral reader #kaedehara kazuha #kazuha x #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons #[ the lost library ]

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