#one day i'll exhaust everything i have to say on this subject. and then you'll be sorry
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when i insist on odysseus as a rape victim i'm not trying to absolve him of patriarchy. he is, in many ways, a hero of patriarchy. even if i think some of the people who use him that way rhetorically have probably not read the odyssey, let alone understood its nuances, the cultural world of the poem and the narrative itself are patriarchal, and odysseus is both a product and perpetrator of that. but when i read about calypso forcing odysseus to have sex with her, i will still call it rape, not because i like him as a character, although i do, but because i think to not do so reveals a very troubling attitude toward rape and patriarchy in the ancient context and now.
i've tried and tried but i don't know how to have this conversation with someone who is determined not to accept the premise that, in the text of the odyssey, odysseus has no choice in the matter. if they've read the text, it's right there. from what i can read of the greek, it's there (ἀνάγκη, force, constraint). i've never read a translation where it wasn't there. if they just don't care, that pretty much kills the discussion.* but sometimes they'll try to sidestep it, bringing up that the text implies he slept with calypso willingly at some point, or arguing that she doesn't explicitly compel him on the last night they spend together before he leaves ogygia forever.** to be frank, that's not the point. i'm not trying to absolve him even of the accusation of cheating on penelope. i'm not saying he was faithful to penelope. i'm saying he was still, at the point that we meet him in the odyssey, raped. period. i'm saying that's important in some way. i'm saying that using that word is important.
odysseus has power, as a man in a patriarchal society, but that power is not absolute. power is never absolute. i've heard it suggested that in the ancient context, the rape of odysseus is comic, in the sense of affirming life even in its indignities, and in the sense that humiliation is amusing (i have a lot of disagreements with the article, but it has given me endless food for thought). i'm quoting at length here, but bear with me:
Athena leaves Odysseus lingering on Calypso’s island in what is certainly the most unheroic, most challenging of all the trials that befall him on his return home. The narrator describes Odysseus as desperately wanting to leave Ogygia, crying in homesickness, but having to stay and, more to the point, share Calypso’s bed. I mentioned much earlier that an audience of that period would not expect celibacy from a married male away from home. Yet the situation must produce, it seems to me, quite another reaction in the males in the audience when the narrator emphasizes Odysseus’ profound unhappiness with the arrangements. In a patriarchal society of that time, where marriages were arranged and wedding nights were more likely than not sanctioned rape scenes, households teemed with female slaves, the highways and byways with prostitutes, men were no doubt accustomed from puberty to have their way easily with women, and on their own terms. Nothing in their experience would prepare them for enforced sexual servitude to a woman. [...] With this episode, the narrator has introduced a comic counterpart to the ubiquitous comments on the faithful Penelope’s celibacy, that is, the image of her husband manfully performing his nightly duties in the home of the insatiable Calypso. It is comic, yes, but also every man’s deepest fear.
why is it comic? because it's a reversal of expectation, of roles, of fortune. why is it unexpected? because it exploits the fear that a man could be treated by a woman the way he treats a woman; because a woman becomes monstrous by acting like a man. these are misogynistic ideas and fears, and they sound strikingly modern.
which means that: i understand the impulse to salvage calypso's image. i understand how it could be interesting or productive or empowering maybe, for some women, because homer is so concerned with any fault in penelope's sex life (reinforced by clytemnestra’s, and those of the slave women that odysseus and penelope own) and seemingly not at all with odysseus’. but calypso is arguing for the right of female gods to treat human beings however they want to, not for the rights of human women.
it also means that: the rape of odysseus becomes remarkable, when the rape of countless others is not, because of who he is. it's humiliating for him to be treated like a sex slave because he's a man and a king; other slaves are just slaves. similar logic is found elsewhere in the odyssey (it's humiliating for him to be treated like a beggar, but the other beggar in the house is just a beggar). this is not a text that believes in equal rights of any kind. but i think we have to ask the question, is it not rape because of that? should we not call it rape because he's a man, because he's a man who perpetrates specific evils, because other people have it worse? and why do i keep arguing that his situation is important to remark on?
god. i don't know. sometimes? just because we don't.
i've lost count of posts like this, comments like this, attitudes like this, of how many times i mention the odyssey and immediately hear about calypso, of how at best odysseus weeping on ogygia becomes the butt of the joke. and i'm not sorry that i don't find it more progressive than treating calypso as a shrill misogynistic stereotype. i do not find it interesting or original to take a man who is not in the position of power in a sexual encounter and say that he's being either disingenuous, ungrateful, or mystifying.
when we refuse to name what calypso does to odysseus as rape, absolutely regardless of what we feel for him, just that it happened, that that's what's going on, i think we do something sinister, potentially to real people. especially because this exists in a text where slavery is also often unnamed in translation and discussion, and other forms of rape and captivity and human suffering, and i think we need to name them all, without being afraid that naming one will take away from the others. saying odysseus was raped doesn't mean we excuse the intense misogyny penelope is subjected to, the enslaved lives of melantho and the other hanged women. it all matters. it's all important.
*as does the suggestion that odysseus could be lying and actually had a great time. but odysseus isn't the one telling us what's going down on ogygia; the narrator is. when given the opportunity, odysseus himself says very little, only maintaining that his heart wasn't in it. of course odysseus could be lying. he could always be lying. but calypso is the most relevant counter-perspective we have, and even she doesn't claim that odysseus wants her, just that she thinks he ought to be happy with her. it's to her obvious frustration that he isn't. without another authority in the text, saying "it could be straight lies" is a conversational dead-end.
and if, by the way, there's a lost version of the odyssey in which odysseus was philandering, and the version we have was written to clear him of those charges... it's still the version we have. how we deal with it says something about us.
**if i say "calypso raped odysseus" and a hypothetical person (actually several real people i have encountered) makes this counterargument, that implies that the threat of force is, then, what? not real? if 'at some point' being willing means that the harm of whatever came after that point is negated, it casts him as someone who mopes around out of boredom with an equal partner, when the text seems much clearer on the point that he's in this position against his will than under what circumstances and for how long he might have slept with her willingly. they are clearly not equals by the mere fact that she is a goddess; his mortality is, in calypso's eyes, the barrier between them. rip to everyone who finds the decision to leave ogygia a "surprising choice" but i am never less surprised by odysseus than when he's handling calypso as delicately as possible, in order to leave her as fast as he can.
#anna.txt#a tag for bitching#rape tw /#slavery tw /#one day i'll exhaust everything i have to say on this subject. and then you'll be sorry
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𝗙𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗔𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗞𝗿𝗮𝘁𝘁 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀|ᴴᶜˢ
where you and your guy sleep in a hammock big enough for two!
a.n. i like to think that after creature adventuring, it's lights out for the bros, so for these hcs, i'll be focusing on how it'd be with them not having gone out on an adventure for the day.
𓆉 gender neutral reader
𓆉 established romantic relationship
𓆉 no warnings!
Martin Kratt
━ ever had those moments where everything is suddenly funny after sundown? yup, that's basically the whole ordeal here. you'll goof around so much; efforts including swinging the hammock like crazy, pressing your cold feet against the other's leg, and laughing your asses off when it's dead silent.
━ he just loves to talk to you before bedtime. very comfort-sounding, but you two get way too ahead of yourselves with the constant giggling, shifting and bursts of volume.
━ comes to a point where the rest of the gang either a.) joins in on the conversation and you'll all talk amongst each other until you slowly begin to knock yourselves out one by one or b.) begs you two to shut up :')
━ on the off chance that neither of you can sleep, but the rest of the crew IS asleep, you'll whisper to each other about literally anything and everything. mindless conversation is typical, but the grounded ones are where it's at! these types of conversations are very introspective and musing. when martin speaks, it's selfless—in the subject of nature, his brotherly love for chris, his love for his friends and you. he speaks as though his words have a life of their own. if there's anything that makes him happy, it's that he knows what he cherishes.
━ there's this certain soft look he gives you when you're the one talking. one where he looks at you and says, “i'm listening to you” in that quiet way where it’s not even an offer, but a promise. you could talk endlessly about all sorts of things, and he wouldn't mind.
━ to him, it's heaven laying on top of your chest and having you play with his hair. he just plops onto you, which more often than not, knocks the air out of you! run your fingers through his scalp and he'll practically melt right then and there. it's a gentle, soothing sensation that always manages to send him into an instant state of euphoria <3
━ occasionally puts you on his chest and holds you as you sleep, your head resting on his heart. he'll sneak in a quick smooch before making himself cozy and drifts off to sleep.
━ as calming as it is minutes before slumber, the actual sleeping process is a nightmare. you'll end up intertwining your limbs with one another and whatever blankets you had on are long gone and forgotten. can't call it a good night's sleep unless one of you wake up with a cramp in your leg!
bonus: drools in his sleep, snores like a lawnmower. have him lay his head on your upper torso for the night, but don't be too surprised when you wake up to a pool of saliva on your chest. as for the snoring? there are times when you gotta shake him awake to get him to put a sock in it. he's always visibly disoriented, says "hmn? yeah. yeah, okay," and then goes back to snoring as if he didn't process your request (which, let's be honest, he did not :') )
Chris Kratt
━ it takes a while for him to get some proper shut-eye, more than anyone else in the tortuga. he's restless and a bit of an insomniac (of which he's not exactly sure why, but that’s probably the best way to describe his sleeping habits).
━ very sweet though and tries not to move a muscle for your sake. he doesn't wanna wake you, but in doing so, his body stiffens, which makes you feel how tense he really is. you know, of course, that the problem isn't his body, but his mind. (the same can be said if you're the one who happens to have trouble sleeping.)
━ to exhaust yourselves/clear your heads, you both take to leaving the tortuga and going for a stroll. a familiar routine and a peaceful one where your legs walk aimlessly around the environment, passing through a certain ambience that makes it seem as if your surroundings have been specifically curated just for the both you. however, walking isn't all that you do. activities as you two walk typically depend on the kind of biome you're in, but it's nothing short of an adventure.
━ biomes like deserts or those near bodies of water involve creature exploration (so much for a day free of creature adventuring!). you're out discovering animals that you really haven't taken the time to appreciate previously, and its an experience you two can call your own. it doesn't take long before you tire yourselves out and head back to the tortuga.
⤷ he's a side sleeper that needs to have a hold on something. so in turn, this makes him a big spoon, though he's more than willing to be the little spoon! doesn't necessarily move much while asleep like a certain someone else, but he does tend to lightly squeeze your form every now and then when he's spooning! (also, can i just say how much i love that its canon that he sucks his thumb in his sleep?? LIKE??? man, get a load of THIS guy <3)
━ biomes filled with trees, however, calls for a goofy climbing and swinging montage experience! a favourite for sure. maybe not ideal for a nightly activity, but not to worry, he's got ya!
━ after that, you two rest on sturdy branches up in a tree. the moment is calm and light. although no one can hear you, you two opt to talk to each other in hushed tones. insecurities, hopes, dreams—it's a very personal sort of intimacy that you two douse yourselves in.
━ when either of you lean on the other's shoulder, that's when its time to call it a night. thing is, you'll literally have to keep yourselves from passing out of exhaustion as you two make your way back. lots of slurred speech in mumbled-like forms, soft laughter and holding each other steady by the arms. he stumbles quite a bit when fatigued, so if he ends up tripping over nothing, fear not! help lift him up and he'll let out an apologetic chuckle + a sheepish "thanks" <3
bonus: he's a mouth breather when he sleeps. like okay yeah, he doesn't really snore much, but the feeling of his breath against your neck isn't always the most pleasant. also? he mumbles in his sleep, which is honestly pretty cute! sometimes, you'll even hear him mutter your name :')
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Safe and Sound
Funnybunny Week Day Six: Escape
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“Jax?”
“Hey sweetie,” he confirmed, “Sorry I took so long.”
“You’re here,” she gave him a watery smile, “You came back for me.”
Read on AO3
Hey guys, sorry for being a day late, I was really exhausted after rehearsals the whole week so I wanted to have the day off. This one is also gonna be a lot heavier than the last few ones so please keep that in mind before going into this. Stay safe <3.
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Just close your eyes, the sun is going down
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound - Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift
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Everyone was out, everyone was free, everyone was done with this nightmare. Except for her.
It was a glitch in the system, a bug from Kinger’s collection that proved to be an actual ‘game bug’. Everything after was a blur, seeing an exit door, ignoring Caine begging them to stay, actually leaving and feeling their physical bodies again for the first time in years.
But then there was the march of people, their faces covered with masks and dressed in bulletproof uniforms. The group had ran, and ran, and ran. But they knew that they couldn’t get far…not without a distraction.
And so, Pomni had stayed behind, giving the others a chance to escape. She could remember someone screaming, telling her not to do this and stay with them. But it was too late, she was already gone.
Now, she was here. Strapped to a hospital bed, with foggy memories and remembering nothing but her circus name. Feeling only loss and hollowness at her closest chance of freedom yet losing it all within a few moments.
It didn’t matter though, everyone else was safe and free, even if it meant she couldn’t be.
She bit her lip, feeling tears burn in the corner of her eyes. She didn’t dare cry, this was her choice, she couldn’t fuss over it now.
It was funny, wasn’t it? She was the one so desperate for an exit and finding a way to leave, yet she was the one who was still trapped. Irony was cruel and brutal.
Her blood froze when she heard the door of the room unlock, shaking and pulling at the straps in an attempt to escape. Three scientists entered the room, ignoring her panicked state as they surrounded her. “Well subject P0-11, I have to say I’m impressed,” one of the doctors observed, “You actually managed to escape our little simulation.”
“You know my name, don’t you!” she spat, “Just say it! I’m not a lab rat!”
“Unfortunately you don’t get a say in that,” the scientist said, “It must be sad, being out of the game yet you still have no idea who you are. How pathetic.”
“Fuck you!” she growled. God it felt good to swear again.
“Regardless, you’re still here and useful to us,” He turned to the other scientists in the room, “Bring it forward.”
Her heart nearly stopped when she saw the other two scientists pick up a headset. Tears started to rush down her cheeks as she thrashed at her binds and screamed enough that it almost made her throat bleed. But she didn’t dare stop. There was no way she would be putting on another headset, in this lifetime or the next.
The first scientist was handed the headset as the other two held Pomni down by her arms. “GET OFF ME!” she screeched, “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” Without warning, she lunged at them, grabbing at one of their arms with her teeth and bit down hard.
The second scientist yelped out in pain, clutching their appendage that now started to bleed. “You little bitch!” he growled, gripping her face, “You wanna take that kind of attitude with me! Huh?!”
“Now, now,” the first scientist deadpanned, placing a hand on the second scientist’s shoulder and pushed him away. He sneered as he looked down at Pomni, “Keep a calm head P0-11. It will only get worse from here.”
No, no this couldn’t be how it ends. Not with her being placed into another simulation, with a lower chance of escaping. This couldn’t be how the rest of her life would carry out. She kept thrashing, screaming, doing anything to delay the headset being placed upon her. She squeezed her eyes shut, shutting out the reality of the situation, buying herself the last few seconds of normality she had left…
The sound of a fist meeting flesh and a body hitting the ground was what made her freeze, though she refused to open her eyes. Not until the threat was gone. She heard the crash out metal and two other voices cry out before being silenced as well.
She could hear footsteps approach her, making her tremble for what could possibly be awaiting her in the light. She whimpered as two soft hands gently cupped her cheeks, wiping away a stray tear that leaked down her cheek.
“Pomni,” a voice whispered, “It’s me, love.”
It was so familiar. She knew that voice, didn’t she?
“Could you open your eyes for me?” the voice asked, “It’s okay, you’re gonna be alright.”
Pomni found herself opening one eye, a man with a kind face looking down at her with a caring smile. She opened the other one, letting the pieces fit together in her head until the puzzle was fully formed. “Jax?”
“Hey sweetie,” he confirmed, “Sorry I took so long.”
“You’re here,” she gave him a watery smile, “You came back for me.”
Jax moved his hands the the restraints on the bed, “As if I’m gonna let those fuckers take what’s mine.”
“Easy there,” she let out a tired laugh, “Let’s get out of here first.” Everything that had, it felt like such a blur. The escape, the capture, the fear. “I..I thought they…that I was…I thought I was gonna be trapped again.”
She let out a strangled sob, Jax’s hands immediately going back to her cheeks after untying the last restraint to wipe them away again. “Hey, hey, it’s okay I’m here,” he shushed her gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “I won’t let anything happen to you, never again.”
She let out another cry, it was all too much, she never felt so relieved and scared than she did right now. Jax scooped Pomni up into his arms, the girl clutching to him tightly as she pressed her face to his shoulder. “Let’s get out of here,” he spoke.
“W-wait! How are we gonna get out of here?!” she panicked, “The guards-”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t come alone,” he told her, “When we got far away enough, we managed to find the folks working on finding us. They’re the reason I was able to get back to you.”
“I wanna go home,” she sniffed. She couldn’t remember home, she didn’t know what she looked like. But right now, in his arms, it felt a whole lot like it.
“Yeah,” he nodded, stroking her arm, “We can go home.”
He passed the hallways, guards in uniforms swarming the halls and taking down the people who had kidnapped and tortured them for years on end in that digital hell.
For the first time in so long, Pomni felt the fresh air fill her nose the moment Jax stepped out of that building. For the first time, Pomni took a true, real breath. For the first time, Pomni was reminded that she was actually alive. She wasn’t a character in a simulation, to be pushed around like a toy.
She was human and alive .
Jax carried her to a nearby ambulance, not even daring to leave her side once she was placed down on a stretcher and taken to the hospital.
“I’m here,” he whispered, holding her hand and placing a kiss against the back of it, “I’ll always be here.”
Pomni gripped his hand back weakly, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Jax’s eyes widened in surprise at the fact she would guess that, leaning into her face slowly one more time, “For you love, never.”
He sealed that promise by gently pressing his lips against hers, slow, sweet and soft.
This is it Pomni decided, smiling against Jax’s lips as she let out a comforted sigh.
This is freedom.
#funnybunny#funnybunny week#funnybunny week 2024#pomnijax#jax x pomni#pomni x jax#jax#pomni#tadc#the amazing digital circus#my writing#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3#dragon rambles
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liminal spaces, paradoxes, and conundrums of growing up
it came without warning, like a red flare in stygian darkness, and i’m supposed to hit the ground running or i’d waste away in the very shore that tenderly held the hopes i carried around in a bindle. i must have not seen it coming because there are wounds from my youth i'm still trying to close, things i'm still trying to come to terms with. but it doesn't matter now because it's here and i've dragged my heels long enough.
growing up is a series of last times, little deaths, fumbling for familiar feelings, and listening to the same songs over and over again refusing to admit it's a prayer just to feel at ease with your skin again. despite the years that have graced this body i am still a child, leave me to my own devices and i would just constantly breathe through things that are bruising me and live with the exhaustion. how do i gracefully let go?
i'm thinking of the time my mother picked me up from school and neither of us knew it was the last time. i wonder if she had the same thoughts when she was my age. there was a day i wore that particular jumper for the last time, put away my toys for the last time, said goodbye to a friend for the last time. i wonder if i would've done anything differently if i knew. but there's something anachronistic about childhood that there are moments you feel 10 again before you blink and you're back to being 22.
the things i swore i wouldn't get over from, like the boy from high school who doesn't know he made me a poet or when my sister had to leave to get away from our vampire of a father. it's not that we do not mean forever, it's we say forever but it is as long as nothing changes, but god everything changes and we have no control over it so we learn to whittle down a particular forever into something we can lower to the ground because the sky shouldn't fall and we have school tomorrow.
i didn't want to leave the cliff that looks out to the sea in Bali because i couldn't believe there are places where breathing doesn't hurt. i'm drawn to places vast and infinite, the ones that show me how small i am in comparison, that this life is over before some god falls out of love. the labyrinth beneath my skin shifts when the perspective changes. did i tell you Billy Joel's Vienna and Taylor Swift's You're On Your Own, Kid feel like comforting words from a stranger in a train station you'll meet once in your life?
at 18, i met a boy. i told him of the anger i inherited from the man who sucked the life out of my mother. how it turns me into someone like him, how helpless you'll become when you are the beast and the cage together in one flesh. he didn’t pretend he could save me, he knows what i'm made of and he’ll be there when i blow this prison up. i wonder why i rarely say “i love you” to people i actually love. i think i’m doing a bad job at showing them too. it must have been the bite.
the truth is i didn't have the nerve to leave the scene of the crime, it just collapsed in on itself that summer around midnight. but not before it cut to the bone, not before i could take back the curious little girl who took in stories like a lungful of country air. i'm sure she would've made me kinder. the basilisk in every mirror i look at wouldn't exist. but her skeleton lies in my old closet, buried under a heap of blankets that will never warm her again. forgive me for turning my chest into a graveyard, the first funeral i attended was mine.
i blinked and that was six years ago. i'll be out of school soon, and my life after that is a delicate subject i try to avoid in conversations. this is the longest stay i had in a liminal space and i think it's haunted. the waters are murky, something moves in the shadows, and the rules have changed. i spent my first year in college living on autopilot and the rest in front of a screen because the world has dirt in its lungs, a year later i emerged to a place i can barely recognize. i guess some things you wanted so much when you were 12 don't seem half so wonderful when you get them a decade later.
but maybe our early 20’s isn’t about seeking answers to million-dollar questions or losing our minds over the complexities of our existence. maybe it's simply about making sure i'm getting enough sun and recognizing pomegranate seeds from the underworld when i see one. maybe it's okay to eat pasta straight from the pan when i'm too sad to even swallow and watch Dead Poets Society again and pretend it's the first time. the thing about this kind of melancholia is you cannot let anybody in. it's just you despite the warm words from the people on the porch. maybe you just need to repeatedly cross some lines until it stops being the feeling you dance around to and vomit into poems.
sooner or later it will make sense why i had to leave to stay or break to become whole or die to live. but if it doesn't then that's okay too. i'm not burying anything this time. i'm here and i'm scared but that also means i'm alive— a mosaic of moments, memories, feelings, and dreams. for the meantime i'll sift my fingers through that new book, get that coffee, take a walk at twilight, and when i find a lonely lighted window i'll softly slip into its warmth.
#growing up#poeticstories#prose poetry#poetry#childhood#writerscreed#writeblrcafe#smittenbypoetry#bitsofstarglow#spilled ink#musings#original writing#excerpt from a book i'll never write
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Daughter of Olympus (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)
A/N: Ara cannot stop thinking it's exhausting to write someone sedate her 😩-Danny
Words: 2,519
Series' Masterlist
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Listen to: 'Dancing After Death' -by Matt Maeson
XXVI: Leo Survives the Vibe Check
After Lee died, Michael took his place as senior counselor. During the funerals, Lily and I stay with our friend, and a weakened Nico follows us around quietly. I decide to share my plan with them.
Lily shakes her head miserably. "Achilles passed and Heracles turned into a God, they can't help."
"I wasn't talking about them."
"You said a child of Olympus might be our solution," Mike frowns.
"Yeah, what if we make a new one?"
They stare at me like I've gone mad. "Ara, to be considered at all, you'd have to—"
"Be a jack of all trades," I nod. "And as sturdy as a radioactive roach."
"Sounds fun," Nico mumbles. He's half-asleep, and I'm not sure he's truly listening.
Lily gazes at my brother and her sister. "Percy has a prophecy to fulfill, and Annabeth—"
"I want to try it."
Silence. The kind that comes after someone says something so nuts you don't even process it. I continue before they can stomp all over my idea.
"You've trained me well, at a higher level than most demigods and I... I think I know from where Almighty comes from."
"I'm not getting it," Mike says.
"I've been dreaming about this," I explain. "The children of Olympus."
"Make amends with your past", Pan had said. I've been given an opportunity to succeed where others didn't. I don't understand why me, when so many skilled demigods could take the title, but Aphrodite's words come to mind: Love is at the core of everything... Even war.
Someone knocks on the trapdoor and pushes it open. Ara knows who it is just by the sound of the footsteps.
Annabeth enters the attic fully. "I don't understand why you like it here. You remember this is where we used to keep a mummy, right?"
"The mummy wasn't the creepiest thing in our collection," Ara points over her shoulder before returning to the laurel crown. "The horrors are endless."
Annabeth sits next to her, now both are staring at the gold crown. "That doesn't explain why you come here."
"I come here because it's packed with stuff some demigods considered meaningful—but now all those memories and people are gone. One day, someone will look at these laurels and they won't know anything about me, except that I once wore them."
"And that makes you feel... good?"
"It's not about feeling good," the girl looks back at her. "The prophecy of the seven... I'm not part of it. I'm trying to understand why."
Annabeth sighs and rubs her eyes. "I don't know, Ara. You look after the Olympians, you won't get a greater honor than that."
"And that stresses me out," she frowns. "You're telling me I reached my peak at fourteen? This is all I'll ever get?"
"Ara, I've known you since we were little girls," Annabeth raises a brow. "Your life right now is good, what's the problem with that? You got clues about Percy, you're keeping our home safe, and you got us a new guardian..."
"New guardian?"
"Yeah," Annabeth grins. "Pollo."
Ara chuckles. "You talked to Leo?"
"He's crazy, but nice," the older girl hums. "You two make sense as partners."
She clears her throat. "I... I'm not his partner, not really."
"We both know you won't resist the temptation to work in the Argo II," Annabeth teases her. "Soon enough you'll be all over Leo."
Ara blushes at her wording, she looks away and hugs her knees. "Dunno, he's pretty controlling about his creations..."
"He likes you, though," the girl says casually. "And he gets you, doesn't he? The part of you that always weirded us out."
Ara tries to see if Annabeth's insinuating something, but her voice sounds forthcoming, so the girl guesses Annabeth has no idea what she's doing to Ara with that sort of statement.
"I haven't called my mother," she comments, trying to change the subject. "To tell her I'm still alive."
"Did she know you left?"
Ara stares at her. "You didn't tell her?"
Annabeth shakes her head. "Two kids in life-threatening situations can't be good for her heart, didn't think it'd be a good idea."
"But... It's protocol."
"Only when it's a difficult quest," Annabeth's eyes with pride. "We knew you'd come back alive."
Ara's eyes get teary, but she tries to shrug it off. "Well, I'll call her tomorrow anyway. I miss her."
"You should visit during Christmas."
She clears her throat. "Yeah, maybe."
"Can't promise it'll be fun, but..."
"No yeah, I miss my dad too."
Annabeth places one hand on her shoulder. "Hey, since Rachel is also staying, we should do a girls' night like old times."
"Old times," Ara snorts. "We started doing those four months ago."
"That means we haven't had one in like three months," she smirks. "Is that a yes?"
Ara looks at Annabeth intently, she realizes the girl hasn't said anything about their prophecies. "You're not angry that I hid my prophecy from you all?"
Annabeth shrugs, but she looks tense. "I think you're allowed to hide stuff if you think that's the right move, and it wouldn't be the first time, right?" she stares back at her. "You wanna talk about it?"
Ara feels her mouth run dry. "No."
Annabeth gets up to leave. "Don't stay here for too long, it stinks of mummy."
"If I become a child of Olympus, I can stop others from destroying our home in the years to come."
"Ara, you're thirteen," Lily reminds me.
"So what? Heracles and Achilles weren't adults when they started," I pout.
She shakes her head. "Percy's prophecy is very clear—"
"And it bounds him to one purpose only," I'm knee-deep in the conversation, so I say exactly what's on my mind. "I could do more."
"Ara, I don't think—"
"I'm in."
"What?" Lily scowls at Mike. "Are you crazy?"
Michael keeps his gaze down. "Ara wanted a family and got one. She woke up one day, decided to start training, and broke a record. She said a sword would come to her, and Hephaestus gave her Almighty. She makes things happen."
"Yeah, she worked to get all of that," Lily rolls her eyes. "But a child of Olympus? There hasn't been one in centuries! Least of all a girl!"
"She'll change that." A leaf-green glow envelops Mike's body. As heartbroken as he is, he means business. "You'll be our child of Olympus, Ara. I swear it on the Styx."
Just like that, it's done. Mike sealed our fates, and now I've got no choice. Lily swears in Italian and falls back on her seat, staring at the funeral pyre as if we're the ones burning. Nico is fast asleep, he didn't hear anything from the last few minutes of our conversation.
"Mike..." I hug him and my voice cracks. "You're not supposed to be stupid!"
"I know," his voice sounds just like mine, and his arms wrap around me weakly. "Blame it on the grief..."
Lily throws her stygian dagger between our feet. "Idiots," she sulks. "Just when I think you don't have any tricks left to make me follow you on another wild goose chase..."
"Wouldn't be a good role model if I didn't make you slightly crazy," Michael shows a tiny smile.
Lily scoffs. "More like an annoying brother that wants to ridicule us..."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you," I cry.
"Bug," Mike's gaze softens and he cups my face. "You know damn well you don't deserve us."
I laugh and look at Lily, gathering up some confidence before I talk. "I brought Nico back. I'll work hard every day to earn your trust, even after I get the title."
I lift my right wrist, the scar in full view.She raises hers and touches mine, sealing the deal. She can't do anything but make sure I don't lose any limbs before time.
I see Janus out of the corner of my eye, but they vanish when I look their way.
Ara reads her to-do list during breakfast, muttering things to herself. When she's done eating, she gets up and goes back to the Big House. Halfway there someone calls after her.
It's the second time Leo approaches her unprompted, which is not strange but feels weird. Or maybe she's just tense around him out of habit. "Nyssa and Jake told me you're not coming to the bunker today, why is that?"
She tilts her head in confusion. "You need my help with something?"
"No, I just want you near me at all times," he replies sarcastically. "Of course I need you! How am I supposed to supervise fifty people all by myself?"
"Annabeth's taking her siblings to the bunker, you can explain everything to them," Ara shrugs. "They don't need you to tell them what to do all the time, it'll be okay."
"You're Cabin Nine's right-hand lady, I'm summoning my right-hand lady to the bunker before I make a fool of myself in front of the Einstein cabin."
She snorts. "Why do I feel like you're just trying to annoy me?"
"Honestly, I'm trying to tell you that I'm nervous and I need moral support," he clasps his hands together. "Would flattery seal the deal? What if I slip in a pet name? Mamacita or—"
Ara turns around knowing Leo will follow her. "I am not your mother, so don't ever call me that. Also, it was wrong of you to eavesdrop, but still... thank you for not asking about my prophecy the other day."
Leo shrugs, catching up to her as they walk to the Big House. "I don't really get prophecies, but yours sounded tough, so if you don't want to talk about it..."
"Maybe one day," she replies. "Anyway, you've got stuff to do. Which reminds me," she waves at the girl waiting for them on the porch. "It's time for introductions."
Leo has seen Lily Saggio once or twice around camp but never paid attention to her until now. "Leo Valdez," Ara says as soon as they're close enough. "This is my best friend and second in command, Lily Saggio."
"Hi," he waves briefly. "You look much scarier from up close."
"Did you talk to Annabeth?" Ara asks the girl.
"Yeah, she said I should come find you," she gives Leo a nod to let him know she's not ignoring him, but she's clearly got more important things to attend right now.
Leo can't help but notice all of Ara's close friendships are serious or grumpy, maybe that's the reason she's in such a bad mood all the time.
"I'll be back in a minute, gotta give my mother a call," Ara excuses herself from the conversation and rushes into the Big House, leaving Leo alone with the dark-haired girl.
"So," he smiles. "Athena, right?"
"Hephaestus," Lily sizes him up. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure! Unless is my haircare routine, that one's—"
"Ara has a soft spot for your cabin," Lily interrupts him. "She can't say no to you, but I'm here to say it for her," she steps forward. "So be mindful of what you ask her."
Leo's not entirely sure she's talking about the Argo II, but he tries to act chill. "Ara trusts you, so I'll do the same. What about you?"
Lily raises a brow. "As long as you do your job, I don't have a reason not to... but I'll keep an eye on you."
"You don't have to worry about me, I'm a workaholic. I work so hard I forget to eat. And sleep. I love my job!"
Lily frowns. "I hope that's a joke."
"Only in the ways that matter."
Ara comes back out after a minute and Leo can finally breathe again. When they get to the bunker, Leo realizes he's been so anxious he hasn't spoken since they left the Big House.
Pretty girls have always made him nervous, but right now he's straight-up pressed. Saggio gives off strict parent vibes, and he doesn't want to mess things up with Ara now that they're friends.
Annabeth is at the bunker's entrance with her brother Malcolm, Ara introduces the boy to Leo and Leo gives him a formal greeting, there's a buzzing in his ear like something's out of place in his inner mechanisms, it's filling his mind with thick smoke.
Ara takes them to the Argo II's blueprint. "That's what we'll be working on."
Malcolm stares at it with wide eyes. "That's huge!"
"And ancient," Annabeth studies it carefully. "This came to you when you were little, Leo?"
"Hmm?" He gives a start. "Oh, yeah! When Tía Callida babysat me she made sure to ingrain it into my brain, along with the nightmares."
"He means Hera," Ara clarifies.
Annabeth looks at Leo and tries to smile. "Well, you fixed Festus. I trust you can build this. Malcolm and Lily are here to help you, so whatever you need, feel free to ask them."
"Thanks! But if I get stuck I can just ask Ara, right?" Annabeth, Malcolm, and Lily laugh, which is crazy because he isn't trying to be funny.
Ara blushes and changes the subject. "I've got a chariot to fix, so..." she gestures at Lily to follow her out. "Malcolm, you stay with Leo. If you need anything, send Harley."
"Have you contacted Nico yet?" Annabeth asks. "He asked us to let him know when you returned."
Leo listens intently, trying to figure out Nico's role just by examining Ara's face. All he knows is that the boy lent her his jacket so she could stay warm during the quest. He's also the son of Hades, which is... challenging. Leo can't fight for Ara's heart with a guy who's the prince of the underworld!
"I'll call him later," Ara wrinkles her nose and waves a hand dismissively. "And I'll come tomorrow before I leave for..." The girl notices Leo's staring and frowns. "What?"
"Huh? Oh! I was..." he points to the old blueprint, then pauses. "Hang on, before you what?"
"Before I leave," Ara looks slightly uncomfortable. "I'm going home for the holidays."
"Not for long, right?" He asks anxiously.
"I'll come back after a few days," she says, not meeting his eyes.
"Oh."
Wow, he's killing it today with the witty talk. Way to go, Leo. Malcolm stands beside him and watches the girls leave, the blond boy crosses his arms and glances at Leo. "You nervous?"
"Pfft. Why would I be? I'm the man," he says, desperate to sound normal.
Malcolm smirks. "Well, Ara's a crazy scientist, and my sisters can be bossy—"
"Wait, are we talking about the same Ara here?" Leo raises a brow.
"'Course, man. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you haven't paid enough attention. Lily and Ara are chronic overachievers," Malcolm walks away without explaining further.
"What does that—hey! Malcom, wait up! What does that mean?"
Leo tries to follow him, but Nyssa gets in his way.
"Alright, Counselor, stand still a minute!" She grabs him by the shoulders and places him on the platform where Festus's head is.
Leo spots Jake in front of them, holding a professional camera. "What the—"
"It's for the record," his sister explains. "Chiron hangs 'em in his office, and we'll hang one in our cabin's wall. This project should be remembered by the generations to come."
Leo's cheeks burn. "And you want me to be in the picture?"
"Well, you're the guy with the vision," Nyssa pats his back roughly. "But we'll take one with the whole crew once the Argo II's done, don't worry."
Leo's mind goes to Ara, the idea of having a picture where both of them appear side by side makes him stupidly happy. He needs to calm the heck down.
"Okay, make sure to capture my good side!" He muses.
Next Chapter ->
Taglist.
@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @ash-the-hoarder @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris
#twoidiots writing#pjo fanfic#pjo hoo toa#pjo fandom#percy jackson and the olympians#leo valdez x oc#leo valdez fanfic#doo
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29 X 2022
another exhausting week finally over! fortunately I have two extra weekend days, so I can rest and do my homework without stressing over it
I found another promising youtube channel about learning. and "insanely difficult subjects" sounds about right when it comes to everything that's happening in math
youtube
I wish there was more content about learning math specifically. the tips I see, however good and useful for studying memory-based stuff such as biology or history, don't seem to work for math
for now my best method is to study the theory from the textbook, trying to prove everything on my own or if that fails, working through the proofs, coming up with examples of objects and asking (possibly dumb) questions that I then try to answer. afterwards I proceed to solving exercises
recently I've been studying mainly commutative algebra, in particular the localization
we didn't spend much time discussing local rings so I had to find some useful properties on my own. the whole idea of "local properties" is an interesting one and I definitely want to read more about it
I find it to be much more elegant to study localization through its universal property and exact sequences rather than through calculation on elements. it's funny how you can cheat so many of our homework problems by knowing basics of category theory and a little bit of homological algebra
I wonder if it's possible to learn math using mind maps, never actually tried. here is my attempt at doing that for one of the subjects in complex analysis:
other than studying I had to prepare a presentation for one of my courses
the topics were given to us by the professor so I thought it would be boring and technical, but I got lucky to discuss the possible generalizations of the Jordan theorem
now I'm gonna talk about something more personal
this week has been difficult because my brain doesn't enjoy existing. some days I had so many meltdowns and shutdowns, I could barely think and speak, let alone study difficult subjects in math. it's really disappointing, as I thought it got better after introducing new medication, but apparently I still can't handle time pressure and I break very easily when emotions become overwhelming (which they frequently do). one of the most discouraging parts of a neurodivergent brain is that you can't always say "alright then I'll just work harder" when you see that the situation requires it. you can't, because your brain has a certain threshold of "how much can you take before you snap" and no tips for studying when you're tired can change that. if you try, you'll just have a meltdown and your day is over, the rest of it must be spent regaining your strength and all you can do is hoping that tomorrow will be better
I wish I could always simply enjoy math and see it as an escape route from a confusing world of human interaction and unpredictable emotions, but whenever there is a deadline or grading criteria, I can hardly enjoy it anymore. I know that this is not what it's always gonna be, the further I go the less deadlines and exams we have, so I must wait and one day it might be okey
since june I've been trying to discuss accommodations regarding adhd and autism with my university but the process takes forever and I'm slowly losing hope that I will ever have it easier
nonetheless, I'm willing to do everything to achieve the goal of spending my days alone working on developing some new theory. just a few more years and I might start living the dream
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Oh my university started again this week, and I am already sooo exhausted because there is a lot to do….
And also, i am not that satisfied with my academic achievements yet because I always feel like I could do more you know? Like even when I got the best grade I was like: 😐
And although I really like my courses, I always wonder how life would be if I had chosen a different path and I just know that I will still ask myself that in decades
Lol sorry for that but you asked and that was the first thing that came to my mind
As a fellow maximalist and perfectionist, I absolutely understand how you are feeling.
What I can say from my four years in uni is that mastering the art of letting go is a key to keeping your head on your shoulders. I used to have breakdowns over a grade lower than 10 but in the long run, those grades generally mean nothing. You can have an 8 and still know more than a person who just forced shit tons of information into their head to get a 10 and will forget everything when the exam passes. And that number doesn't define you. No one will look at your diploma and go yikes you had an 8 in social structure analysis, what a disaster.
I study sociology and that means at least 200 pages of material to read per week plus other assignments. That means sitting by my table for hours. And I used to read it all, multiple times even. Now I know that you can prep by bending the rules, splitting the material, reading only the most necessary things, and choosing to not do some of the homework and still being able to keep up in the classroom.
I think the most important thing is to not lose yourself. Find joy in the things you study, keep that curiosity burning and not pick at yourself if there are subjects that you hate - you'll end up giving yourself a mental block.
And for the overwhelming part. Put aside time for yourself. For example, I love reading, that's my way of escaping the world and just turning my brain off. So, I know that there are two options - a) if the weak is super shit and there's so much work that I'm choking on it. I first try to kill off the biggest forest fires (aka uni assignments). That usually means that from Monday to Friday I need to work, work, work but then I know that during the weekend one day will be fully dedicated to resting - there just can't be exceptions. B) if the work can be split up and I can't bring myself to just work without breaks, I usually make a list of things to do that day and know that in the evening, I'll let myself read for an hour or so as a reward. You need to take care of yourself because when your head is stressy work will be messy.
I believe in you! Sending you a big hug. ✨🤍
#and for the record you all are free to come here and rant#this is a safe space and I will always listen#come chat with bubbles 🫧
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Notes from 17.3.24
HS is gone again. I feel very tired. Outside of my regular routine, I think I'm agoraphobic or something.
Why are we both having dreams to do with bathrooms?
Here's some life ranting:
The 3D guilt things are coming back again. AL is going overseas soon and she casually let it slide that her 4 birds are going to be left at home by themselves for 2.5 weeks and that her mum wants her to ask another one of our co-workers, TC, to look after them. But I'm closer to her than he is, and instead of asking me directly, she dropped a hint like this to guilt me into offering to look after them. I said what she wanted me to say but my heart clearly wasn't in it. I don't want to. I just don't. Maybe I might have been open to it if she asked me more directly and given me more time to mentally prepare for it but not like this. Not 5 days before you leave. (And even then, I still don't want to). She said she'll just leave a mound of food for them and set up a camera and if they die, they die. And then I said, give me the keys to your house, I'll look in on them every few days. You'll have to tell me what to do though. And she changed the subject. Like wtf? Am I an animal abuser if I don't insist insistently on looking after them? I can't deal with this anymore. Why do I make up these scenarios.
To be honest I'm kind of relieved that she's going away for a bit. She can be very exhausting. I never know if we're actually friends or if it's a keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer type situation. Sometimes in my life I think that if you peer in close enough, it's actually like that with everyone. Is that just the nature of human relationships? Are you supposed to feel a little hatred every now and then from someone, and you to them? I've always felt this my whole life. Everything is so low-vibe. I'm low vibe. I can't help it.
I don't know what I'm doing. The other day TC tried to convince me to give him my money for him to invest. I don't know much about money but I know used-car salesman tactics when I see them. He said, Think of me as a bank. You get interest from the bank every month don't you? I said, No, I never mix friendship with money. I don't think that he expected me to say that. Firstly, I said, do not talk to me about this crap at 9am in the morning. He IGNORED, and kept going even though I AGAIN SAID, STOP, ask me later when the caffeine has kicked in. And then he was like, I know you're paranoid Kath, so we'll sign a statutory declaration so you can rest assured I won't run away with your money. ????? We both know stat decs are not legally binding. After, he kept going on about bitcoin and tried that angle, saying like you and me and put in money blah blah this could happen. STFU. He has started undermining me in other ways lately, too many to count, and somehow I'm still nice to him. I tell myself I'm doing it to survive. That it doesn't matter anyway. The big boss came in and he was bootlicking like you wouldn't believe. Being amongst the energy of it make me sick. Somehow we thought that striking others down in order to get ahead was fun. I hate this game.
I don't know what I'm doing. There's an 18 year old shop girl who I think is flirting with me, and I think I'm flirting back. Am I that bored? Is this legal? My intern continues to fart all over the place. I spray lavender spray here and there but he doesn't get the hint. I took him aside briefly today to tell him his voice is too loud and everyone and their mum can hear his conversation regarding very sensitive matters with the patient, and he was picking his nose the whole time. I can't. Is this real? Still though, I am starting to feel really bad about not being more attentive to his academic progression. I honestly just ignore him most of the time, outside of being polite. Well, barely that.
Everyday, nothing changes. My perspective on the world is like night and day, depending on the energy. But still, nothing changes.
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You'll regret this xD
7, 10, 13, 17, 19
Have fun
Ps. Love you<3
Or will it be you who regrets having to read my way too long answers? xD <3
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
Oh this is quite the question lol. I kinda wanna say the satisfaction of writing something? Especially when it's something I genuinely enjoy reading again or I was able to make a story come together and get the emotions right. A close second is seeing other people's reactions to it
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
Oooh I love this question, thank you, because yes. I'll start with my own since I have a few that have haunted me, but I still think my fic A Beautiful Tragedy haunts me the most but like in a good way. I think for me and writing it, it was all very natural and I really got invested in that world like none others I've written. I was sad and needed to write about sadness and I think I accomplished that:) (But I left it on a positive-ish note!) As for others writings, the first that come to mind are Blue_Clover's Let Down My Guard because oh my god wow doesn't even begin to describe it. This fic also means alot to me not only because it was a gift (still shedding tears of thanks) but at the end of it, it made me so emotional/introspective it sent me on a personal journey xD. Life changing stuff in there lol. (Go read it if you haven't). The second is like...anything and everything written by grumblebee?? I can't really name one or two of their fics I think also because they inspire(d) me so much and like. oh my god. It's all so spectacular.
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
...I'm half-tempted to say not-washette and then washette. But I'll try to answer more seriously xD
Tbh I know there are plenty of topics etc I struggle to write, but for a specific example, I'm struggling to come up with one. I'm going to start by answering the easy one and see if that helps me remember lol. For easy to write, I guess mostly emotional things?? Not all the time, but especially when I've been feeling those emotions I am able to translate it into pretty good words (in my opinion, sometimes lol). I guess I struggle with (I am struggling to put it into words right now oof) the emotions I don't know as well?? I'm so sorry, I really want to give a good answer but I'm struggling. Maybe this is my weakness. But I know they exist and I know that I've had fic ideas that I shoot down for knowing I won't be able to write it well or easily. I'm just struggling with specifics lol sorry.
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
Haha, which one? xD Hmm well without giving spoilers in one wip I've accidentally built a whole town that I don't think we'll be coming back to. It features the Turn spy ring as a group of con-people who have mastered the art of cheating at cards and gambling. They all work together to get a person riled up into betting more, not noticing when Anna is sliding an ace into Ben's hand or Caleb is filling up their cup of ale after every sip or Abe's role as the innocent bystander come to give you advice or give you a reason to hate everyone in that room. Robert Townsend is like. so tired of them lol. Not to mention the no-good sheriffs are so horrible at their job because they're too busy bickering with each other. That's right, sheriffs. Whoever let two people be sheriff at the same time must've been either exhausted or too drunk to realize the horrible decision (Knowing Henry Laurens though, it was likely the latter, or his son getting into business that's not his). But who knows, Alex and Thomas make good enough sheriffs on their own, maybe one day they'll be able to sort out their differences and start doing something right in this town. Maybe. Madison is beyond fed up with them though. As for the Schuyler’s, they’ve been doing quite well on their own, inherited all their father’s land and assets. Eliza is starting to feel bored with the whole money and management and deals thing, Angelica is better at that anyway. Peggy is…well we don’t know where Peggy went, but her sisters know she’ll be back soon. In the meantime, Angelica is getting more and more frustrated with Henry Lauren’s corruption and horrible leadership. Eliza is starting to wonder if there’s anything she can do to help.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
Ahhh yess. hehe I'm not sure I've ever told this story on tumblr but thank you. I technically started in I think the summer of 2019, I remember very clearly because I was on vacation with my family and one night my body decided to have like the worst panic attack ever:) (also, the first one I've ever had!) I'm not exaggerating when I say it lasted about 6 hours alllllll night long. It was awful. But during that long and horrible night, I was looking for things to comfort me and calm me down as much as it could and eventually I turned to washette. This was actually more of a return as many years before (you know, during the Hamilton age lol) I read a ton of washette fics and fell in love with them then, but that night really solidified my love. I spent the rest of the week re-reading all my old favorites and just like being so happy with them. The next night after the panic attack night, I was looking for a way to calm down still and suddenly decided: goddammit, I am going to write some washette because I've always wanted to and why shouldn't I do it now?? I made like a bulleted list of one very cute and sentimental scene. One day I'll turn it into a full fic because it's very special to me:) And the rest is history (literally?? lol). I just started writing more and more until I felt brave enough to post something to ao3. Fun fact, I got so panicked after posting my very first washette fic that I immediately deleted it not only from the site but like all my living copies of it. Which is sad for me now as it's lost to time, but I did ultimately end up writing something else and posting it and it's still up today!:) Now I don't delete any of my old works even if I don't like them anymore. Honestly I've gone back and re-read old drafts and been like: this is good??? Baby Tal, this is like so good??? but also been like: oh dear. So you know. I also first started writing these fics on my old phone that had one of those push up keypad things. I still have the phone and some drafts inside! I had to write them as messages and save the drafts because the notes feature wouldn't let you type much at all xD Oh how things have changed. As for now, school has severely drained me of my passion but I reallllllly want to write more and finally have something to share. I am working on things but I can’t promise they’ll be soon. I can only hope lol
Ok lol, I know that last one is long but it means a lot to me. I hope I didn't bore you;)
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sick manager :)
-> feat. bokuto, oikawa, and tsukishima
part 2 with sugawara and kuroo here!
personally i loved writing these, so lmk if you want a part 2 with other characters 👀
TW: PASSING OUT :))
To sum up how you felt in one word, you were exhausted. You were physically overworked; pushed to your limit with tons of schoolwork, stress, extracurriculars, and on top of that, you were your school's volleyball team manager. You were merely a first year, but you did your job well, and the entire team loved you.
You had tried to power through the classes, running with just two hours of sleep. Work was starting to pile up, so you had no time for sleep.
You felt yourself falling asleep during lectures, curling up on the grass for quick naps during lunch, and throughout the day, you had the worst headache.
With luck, you managed to make it through, but you still had hours of volleyball ahead of you. You blinked hard, trying to get rid of the sleepiness clouding your head. Your head pounded, and nothing was really registering in your brain.
There was no denying it, you were sick.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, but it was still annoying. You didn't want to miss the day's volleyball practice, because you had an upcoming game, so you decided to just push through and deal with it.
Ignoring how bad your head hurt, you slung your bag over your shoulder and walked out of the classroom.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto, someone you recognized as the captain of the team you were the manager for, spotted you from a distance and was already bouncing, beaming as he waved. You smiled back with a small wave. He didn't mind that you didn't match his enthusiasm; he was used to it, so he didn’t find anything suspicious about it.
The two of you walked down to the gym, Bokuto talking animatedly the whole way there in the background. You didn't mind though, it was nice to just listen. However, every word he chirped bore into your brain, seeming to echo.
You didn’t want to be rude, but you couldn’t help but try to drown out his voice by focusing on your surroundings.
A green bush. A tall tree. A group of students.
“Y/N?” Bokuto waved his hand in front of your face, and you looked up at the mention of your name.
“Hm? Sorry, sorry, I’m just... oh, we’re here!” you said, quickly changing the subject. You didn’t want him to worry, and it was no big deal anyways... You could finally see the gym, and you let out a sigh of relief. It felt like the short walk was actually several miles long.
You finally made it-
Shoot.
A sudden dizzy spell overtook you. Shutting your eyes tight, you stumbled on your own feet, your legs giving out beneath you. No, no, no....
"Y/N!" Bokuto yelped as he caught you. He pulled you close to him, and whimpering, you leaned on his chest, trying to stay conscious.
“Sorry...” you breathed softly, just trying to focus on the way Bokuto’s chest went up, and down.
Up... and down. You shut your eyes tighter as a wave of your headache hit. Bokuto’s arms around you were definitely helping you stay standing, and you were thankful. Up... and down.
Then you slumped into his arms.
...
The second your eyes opened again, you were knocked back with a hug. You grunted at the unexpected impact, but smiled when you realized it was Bokuto.
"Y/N! You're awake!" Bokuto yelled, his voice watery with relief. "I thought you died," he sobbed, and you hugged him tight.
"I'm fine, I promise," you said with a laugh. "Just... thirsty." Bokuto leaped to get you a glass of water as fast as he could.
While he was gone, you looked around to see that you were in the nurse's office. You could just imagine Bokuto running with you unconscious in his arms, and you smiled at the thought.
Bokuto came back with the promised water, and he lay a hand on you to check up on your temperature.
"You're really burning up... why didn't you tell me you were sick?" he asked, pouting.
"I didn't want you to worry... I thought I would be fine, and that I would make it through practice." He shook his head.
"I want to know, okay?" You nodded with a smile.
"How long was I unconscious?" He thought for a second before responding.
"Only for a couple seconds, but you were kinda drowsy so we made you rest. It's been a couple hours now." You immediately got up.
"Practice isn't over yet?" you asked, still hopeful. Maybe you could at least stay for an hour? It was better than noth-
"Y/N..." he sad warningly, and you knew going wasn't an option.
"Fine..."
"Good," he responded, satisfied with your answer.
Walking out of the classroom, you met eyes with Oikawa Tooru, who immediately lit up at the sight of you. His smile immediately turned into a frown, immediately noticing something was different about you, given how perceptive he was.
"What's wrong?" he questioned slowly, and you shook your head.
"Nothing's wrong, Tooru... I'm just tired," you said, but he looked at you suspiciously.
“You should take a break,” he reminded you gently, and you shook your head, no matter how tempted you were.
“I really can’t, I’ve got… a lot to do. But I’m fine, I swear,” you assured him, gesturing towards the gym, despite the sick feeling in your body. You swallowed, trying to swallow the dizziness. “Let’s go!” You tried for a smile, and Oikawa responded with a hesitant one, finally deciding to let it go.
Starting to walk towards the gym with the volleyball player following close behind, you shook your head, trying to shake out the growing light-headed feeling that you dreaded. It wouldn’t go away.
Shutting your eyes as tight as you could, you didn’t even notice that you stopped walking until someone tapped your shoulder.
“Hm?” You peeked your eyes open slightly to notice Oikawa standing next to you.
“Y/N-chan?” His face was written all over with concern.
“Sorry, I just…” You laughed sheepishly, trying to shrug it off, but the pain was beginning to be way too much. “I.. just…” you tried to say, but you were unable to finish as you swayed to one side, tripping over your own feet trying to stay standing. You heard Oikawa's yelp as he rushed to catch you, and you blinked slowly before passing out completely.
...
As soon as you woke up, you found yourself in your own bedroom. When you got up, wondering how you got there, you were met with Oikawa's frown.
"When was the last time you had at least seven hours of sleep?" he asked, disapproval in his eyes as he pushed you back into bed. You gave a shy smile.
"Maybe... two weeks ago?" Oikawa gasped dramatically before tutting in distaste.
"You need to sleep, or else your health will plummet," he said, shaking his head. Of course, at that moment, your headache had to come back. You winced and shut your eyes, burying your face into your hands. "What's wrong?" You shook your head with a sigh.
"My head's killing me," you admitted. "It's been like this all day."
"Wha- Y/N," he scolded, leaving the room. Where was he going? Ah. He came back with some medicine and a thermometer.
"Thanks." You swallowed the medicine, and Oikawa immediately forced the thermometer into your mouth.
"103.2?! Y/N, you'll be here for a good three days. I'm not ever letting you leave your bed until you get better, and I won't leave either." You laughed at his motherly antics.
"But what about pract-" you started, but Oikawa shushed you.
"Think of it as a much needed break." You stared at him.
"Did you at least go today?"
"No, of course not! You were freaking unconscious, I can't go and hit some good serves if I know that my precious Y/N could possibly be in pain," he said with a pout.
"Aw, Tooru..." You kissed his cheek. "You're too swee-" He pushed you back into your pillows, pulling the covers up before you could finish.
"Now rest up, Y/N-chan."
You glanced at your phone; you still had an hour until volleyball practice...
A little nap wouldn't hurt, right?
You found a nice, private corner, and huddled up. Using your backpack as a pillow, you fell asleep almost instantly.
Some time later, Tsukishima was walking by, on his way to practice. His eyes spotted you asleep in the corner, and he smirked.
"Idiot," he muttered under his breath, laughing to himself softly. "Hey, get up, Y/N." He flicked his finger on your forehead, and laughed when you began to stir awake.
"Mm?" Your voice was raspy from both sickness and sleepiness, and you blinked your eyes, trying to adjust. You shielded your face from the light with your hand, and you finally made out Tsukki's tall figure kneeling in front of you. "Oh, hi Tsukki..." He held out his hand with a smug smile, offering to help you up.
You groaned when you realized that the nap didn't make your headache go away. Getting up too fast, you swayed for a good two seconds; Tsukki's hands were on your shoulders, trying to steady you.
"Ten bucks you don't make it through practice without passing out," he joked, but you had a feeling he was going to be ten dollars richer soon enough. You nodded sleepily, but quickly froze.
"Wait- am I late for practice?" You frantically dug your phone out, sighing in relief when you learned that you still had ten minutes to spare.
"What, you think I would be late?" Tsukishima said, jokingly. "But anyways, I'm not letting you go to practice today. Clearly you need rest... and..." His hand rested on your forehead, and he nodded. "Like I thought, you have a fever." You swatted his hand away.
"Today's practice is important, I can't miss it. I'll be fine, Tsukki, since when do you worry about me?" You turned around, heading towards the gym, when your head hurt just a bit too much. You winced, and faster than your brain could process what was happening, you were already falling to the ground and everything went dark.
...
"Oh, you're awake." You opened your eyes and saw Tsukishima waiting for you. You were in the nurse's office from the looks of it, and Tsukishima got up with some water and medicine.
"Here, take this." You nodded and followed his command.
"Thanks," you said, rubbing your head.
"Hm. You know how you asked when I started to worry about you?" he asked, sticking a thermometer into your mouth.
"Hm? Oh... yeah." You recalled how you had said something like that right before you passed out. You took the thermometer out and glanced at the temperature.
103.2. You hid the thermometer behind your back, knowing Tsukki would not be happy with your temperature.
"The answer was always; I always care about you, even if I don't seem like it."
"Wow, Tsukki..." It surprised you; you never thought you would hear anything nice coming out of Tsukishima's mouth.
"Also, you act like a five year old sometimes, people can't help but worry about you," he added. You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't help but smile. "Now hand over the thermometer. I didn't forget." Sighing, you reluctantly gave it to him.
"Welp, will you at least cuddle with me until I get better?" you asked with pleading eyes.
"Come on, Y/N. You're contagious..." You pouted, and he sighed. "Fine."
BUT ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOYEDDDD!! THANKS FOR READING BABE
this is 100% not edited or proofread IM SORRY- IT MAY NOT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE HAHSJFJRI
ANY THOUGHTS?? IM DYING TO KNOW OMG
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#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu#tsukishima x reader#oikawa x reader#bokuto x reader#tsukishima kei#oikawa tooru#bokuto koutarou#tsukishima scenarios#oikawa scenarios#bokuto scenarios#tsukishima kei x reader#bokuto koutarou x reader#oikawa tooru x reader#tsukishima x y/n#bokuto x y/n#oikawa x y/n#haikyuu comfort#haikyuu sickfic#haikyuu sick#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu manager!reader
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Hello mother, how do I figure out if I actually want kids or if I'm delusional or subjected to peer pressure?
Hello dear,
Wait. The human brain isn't fully developed until the age of 25. I would argue that making life-changing decisions before being fully grown isn't a good move. I've said it before: you will never stop evolving. You just need one conversation, one incident, one line in a movie, to see life completely differently. Take all the time you need before making a decision - you can't undo this one.
Think of the type of parent you want to be, and how to make that happen.
Think of the type of child you want to raise, and how to make that happen.
Think of the type of co-parent you want to have. If you're dating someone who's been very clear about the fact that you are not a priority, they're already a terrible partner; let's not give them an opportunity to become a terrible parent. If you're the female in the relationship and they leave, you'll most likely get custody of the kid and have to deal with your ex and their family forever.
Think of the type of parent you would actually be if you were to get pregnant or get your partner pregnant tonight. Would you be able to give the baby its own room? Feed it, clothe it, care for it, send it to good schools? Do you have a strong relationship with a trustworthy partner? If not, postpone.
If you have experienced child abuse, for the love of God, heal first. The online course Understanding violence (Emory U) will be a lot better at explaining it, but usually, even though we suffered, we're likely to go from victims to abusers, because we don't know how else to answer to a crying child, because it makes us finally feel powerful, because we have been carrying our trauma for a long time and it's a lot easier to succumb to aggressivity when you're exhausted, etc.
The bit is important so I'll explain myself.
My therapist justifies emotional instability in people with traumatic pasts by the fact that our "closet of emotions", that we have been cramming stuff into for decades instead of addressing it little by little, is carefully locked, blocked with heavy furniture, and constantly on the verge of exploding. If you are experiencing something strong, whether it's positive or negative, the door gets unlocked and all this shit starts pouring out. And it's a lot harder to close the door again than to keep it tightly shut. This is exactly why a depressed person can go to a birthday party, have a blast, get back home and kill themselves. Decades of sadness, anger, and frustration land on their head at once and it is too hard and too heavy to handle alone.
It is very important to break the cycle before you have kids. An adult should be able to tell you to go to hell if you are treating them like garbage. A child is told every day to trust you fully and believe everything you say and they will. Don't sentence them to, at best, a mediocre life, at worse a terrible childhood that will lead to life-long issues, just because your parents are asking for grandkids. That's not fair.
Having a child is a selfish act, but you're supposed to have a kid for what you can bring them, not what they can bring you. You don't know what you're going to get. If you wouldn't love a disabled, autistic, gay, trans (...) kid and fully know you would neglect them and want to try again, you need to cook longer.
Also, when they're babies, they cry until you rage, when they're toddlers, they're oblivious and easily overwhelmed, when they're children, they test your limits and are influenced by friends, and the whole time you have to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, chauffeur around, do bedtime, homework, supervise them 24/7, entertain them 16/7. If you don't feel for that life, your options are to postpone parenthood, get in a better relationship, exploit your loved ones, or be a bad parent.
Love,
Mum
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My twst oc boy's birthday was only two days ago and I wanted to just do something for it. I at least want to get some stress off my back so here's just a short something for him. His name is Cosmo and this is what he looks like (the blonde one). Hope you like him!
Warning(s): Clingy Behavior, Obsessive Behavior, Slight Pain (just a strong grip on darling's wrist), Mentions of Yelling, Attempted Kidnapping to actual Kidnapping
Notes: Darling is not MC in this; just is in the same boat as them, Everyone is 18+
You knew he wasn't that air headed from the second time you encountered him. He was just as cheery and naive as the Scarabia Dorm Leader, yet something was amiss as you heard more whispers along the hallways. He was a Spellman, but that didn't mean anything to you. How would you know if this world was so new to you? What did that even mean?
He was so eager to hang around you and your fellow friends, like he was starving for this sort of interaction. He'd always compliment and playfully tease you, but sometimes those smiles didn't reach his ruby red eyes. Maybe you're just imagining things. Cosmo had never done anything to even cause this sort of unease. He may be whatever others say he is, but that's just because of a name, right?
"You won't leave me, will you?" It was initially just an act of his whiny attitude when he got all pouty because of his elder brother's backhanded insults. The two would always get into petty arguments and Cosmo would complain if his brother got away with it. It isn't fair as he puts it. Still, now that question seems more alarming as time passes.
... and everything still seemed so normal and at peace.
You didn't have time for this. All this speculation was exhausting your mind and body. Sleep was more difficult as days pass and strange dreams woke you up. They weren't the usual mirror dreams you'd get. Maybe it was a sign, but how could you tell? A yawn passes your lips as you get up for the day. Might as well pull through and possibly get a nap in between lessons so you can avoid the chance of passing out in the hallways. That'd be a sight for others... And bothersome.
You've decided to rest in the library during break, letting Grim hang out with Ace and Deuce without you. All that was needed was some time for yourself. This was one of the only places you could get that.
Cosmo was much fussier than usual. Even more clingy as well as he spotted you sitting alone. He immediately vented out his frustrations of his brothers and other students; they were all so annoying and can't let him be at peace. "Not you guys though. You're very dear to me and I know you'll never upset me." It was supposed to be something of a way to cheer himself up, telling himself he had friends in you all no matter what.
"My brother doesn't like you. Because you're magicless and still manage to attend the school." Cosmo's voice was eerily monotone as he changed the subject, immediately making you hyper aware of where you were.
He blows air out of his mouth in a huff, "I don't care though. His pride is just wounded because of all the hard work he did to get here." A smirk creeped onto his lips. "It was so satisfying to see the look on his face."
You didn't know how to respond; couldn't tell if he was being serious about this conversation or just poking fun at his brother. His arm suddenly made it's way around your shoulder and his weight leaned onto your body.
"He's foolish and a complete pompous bastard." Cosmo sounded... Playful, but there was an edge to his voice. "Do you know what he told me this morning as I left my dorm?"
"No... What did he say?"
A soft but sharp laugh answered you as Cosmo displayed a tight smile. "He said you all are a bad influence on me. Especially you." A scoff. "What does he know?"
The half hug was suddenly becoming suffocating but that didn't seem to come to the blonde's attention. He was so warped up in every negative thought he had. You believed it was time to cut this conversation short before things escalated. It wasn't something you wanted to fear to happen, but there have been other times where your safety was threatened in this school. With a quick but gentle shove, you pried Cosmo off of you. Of course this startles him a little, until he gives you those puppy dog eyes.
"Oh, is it time to go already. Aw... I wanted some more time with you."
You did your best to push down the unease, mustering up your best smile. "Yeah, can't help that time flies, you know?"
Cosmo chuckles bitterly at your words. "Mhm. But... Maybe we can skip? Please? I'll make it up to you. I'll get notes from the class so we don't miss anything."
"Sorry Cosmo, but I can't afford to skip. Grim needs me there after all."
The young man blinks before pouting in defeat. "Fine, fine. You win. You're lucky that I like you~"
It doesn't mean anything. He always teases like this.
"Ah, well, I better get going. See you later." With a wave, you dash off to ensure you get to class on time. The whole conversation kept replying in your head as you felt his burning stare onto your back while your form got farther away.
"Of course."
Where the hell is this? You frantically scanned the area to see that you're nearing the woods next to the school. Everything was dark and crickets were chirping. Nighttime. How? A million thoughts raced through your head, but one excruciatingly loud one told you to head back to your room. You need a place of comfort to gather your thoughts for now—
"Aw man. I knew I shouldn't have strained my vocals too much."
"Cosmo?" Leave. Run. You had to get away. Seeing him and the desire to sprint was one thing you were sure of. Him being here was an obvious red flag. But why couldn't you move? Don't just stand there!
All you could do was listen to him hum cheerfully like you weren't absolutely terrified at this moment. "This is the farthest I've taken you out tonight. Guess singing without a water break is quite bothersome. Ugh..." He looked annoyed but he quickly shifted his expression to one of joy.
"But at least I managed to place a teensy curse on you before you could process anything! Aren't I resourceful! Vil always did tell me I should be more prepared in various situations."
You weren't listening. You wanted to scream, do anything other than be near him at this moment. Why you?
He crept closer, touching your face as he sighed in content. His forehead was then pressed against yours. "I wish we could stay like this forever... Just the two of us." Cosmo grabbed your wrists.
"Cosmo, please stop. This is wrong. We... We can talk this out. Just let me go."
He laughed at you. "Oh no, I can't do that my sweet thing." His increasing grip scared you as his smile remained but his tone shifted. "I can't afford to lose you. You're my everything. The only one who listens and cares. My brother be damned!"
It was the first time you've seen him express rage. All those pouts, whines, complaints were replaced with sneers, growls, and yelling. This might scare you a little less than his eerie calm and joyful self, but it made you flinch nonetheless. You hoped that this was all just some cruel nightmare from the lack of sleep.
"I'm so sorry... It'll be alright once you get you past that point. Then, you won't ever have a reason to leave me! You won't leave me," His voice lowered in a serene, but threatening melody, "Will you (Come To Me)?"
#yandere imagines#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere writing#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#yandere twst oc#yandere twisted wonderland oc#yandere
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Our little secret-Kaien Shiba
"Kaien Shiba my super hot professor."
(Your Name) day dreams with brightful eyes as she sighs and smiles sheepishly.
"(Last Name)!" Kaien shouts smacking her desk with his rolled up paper as she flinched and looks up to him. His brows were knit and focused. "If you keep day dreaming you'll fall behind!"
"Ahh I'm sorry." She apologizes and bows her head respectfully as he laughs and grins.
"I'm joking, but seriously you should try to concentrate more."
(Your Name) chuckles and mentally screams, her tiny heart would hurt if he actually yelled at her.
"Wait he knows my name?!"
She looks back up and Kaien was already at the chalk board lecturing on the next chapter. With one hand on his hip and the other writing some unknown language on the board.
"Concentrate concentrate concentrate!"
She tries to smack her face lightly as she looks lower to stare at his butt and blushes a bit yelping as the students around her stared and she looked down embarrassed.
Once lecture was done she sighed from exhaustion and packed her bag before her name was called out.
"(Last Name)." Kaien calls out as most of the student cleared out of his lecture room and she mentally cursed.
"Yes sensei?" (Your Name) asks staring at her feet interested with the patterns of her new shoes.
"You can look up." He laughs a bit with both his hand on his hips. His tie moving along with his laugh and his tucked in shirt was so irresistible for her she licked her lips. "Anyways I was looking back at some of your test scores and you are falling behind! Is everything alright?" He asks now a bit concerned.
"No! Everything is fine! I'm just not understanding the material and I don't wanna stop class because of my selfish reasons."
Kaien pokes her forehead and grunts, lightly hitting the roll of paper on her head. "Everyone is here to learn. I guarantee someone else have the same question as you too."
(Your Name) goes back to looking at her shoes shyly as the older man sighs but in a concerning way. "How about I tutor you for 30 min after class each day you are here. Monday, Wednesday, Friday." His eyes raising for her answer as she slowly nods.
"I'm sure you are a busy man and I don't have money for a tutor."
"Don't worry about it, my students come first." He assures her with a smile as she smiles back.
"Jesus he's gorgeous! I can't believe he offered to help me learn on his own time for free!"
"I'll see you next week then!" Kaien cheers smacking her head once again before walking out the classroom.
The following weekend for her was so slow because she was excited to spend one on one time with him.
"He's my professor though! It would be wrong to like him! I'm sure he's married or dating already! I mean I should be too because I'm a junior year college student but still a teacher and student relationship would be to spicy."
Throwing her pillow across the room she squirmed in her bed like a fan girl. "A girl can dream though."
Composing herself she went onto her phone and searched through all social media to "research" him some more but she found nothing.
"Maybe he doesn't use social media? He ain't that old yet though." Putting her phone aside she closed her eyes and waited for Monday to come quickly.
Lecture time came as she sat towards the front of the class to concentrate more. Still this chapter and chapters before overlapped each other and she felt super lost and defeated.
Kaien would teach and sometimes look at her direction and from the expression on her face he knew she was struggling. Once the classroom cleared out he arranged his desk to be more roomy for her to set her things down.
"Cha! Are you ready?" He asks enthusiastically opening up his notes from a few chapters back.
She smiled and sat next to him as they got to work.
Over the course of their their tutoring sessions 30 minutes turned to 40, till it reached an hour and then till after dark.
Kaien didn't realized how much he was enjoyed her company that at times they would get off subject and just talked about themselves or their likes.
"I didn't think a 30 year old man would actually enjoy tutoring." He says to her as she gasped picking up her book bag and getting ready to leave their session.
"To be fair I didn't think a 22 year old girl would need tutoring."
Kaien waved her off, closing his classroom up. Looking out the window it was pouring all day. "Did you park in the garage today?" He asks putting his coat on.
"I did actually!"
"Me too, we can walk together."
The walk was normal it didn't seem like a teacher and student relationship, it was more like friends now. To Kaien there was nothing wrong with opening up your options even though he had none.
"You are still young (Your Name) go to parties and have fun." He tells her as she looks up to him, his eyes showed a bit of sadness but she couldn't figure out what.
"30 isn't old! But then again to see your professor at a party would be kinda sus."
Kaien chuckles and shook his head as they made it to the elevator. It was silent but her heart was racing.
They've spent a lot of time with each other since he offered to tutor her but she wanted to know him more. There was a part of him she could tell was missing.
"How was your college life?"
"Wild I did so many things." He tells her placing his hands in his pockets.
"Ahh me too, there are some pretty crazy frat parties." She tells him lightly as he laughs out loud.
"Tell me about it! I've been to plenty."
As they enter the garage, the rain started to pour harder as lightning mixed with the clouds.
"Will you be okay getting home in this rain?"
"Don't worry! I can wait it off on campus." She assures him as he shakes in head and unlock his car, opening his passenger seat.
"You wanna go to the bar? It's only a block down. We can wait it off there and then I'll drive you back to your car."
A part of her wanted to say no only because it seemed wrong to be drinking with her professor but she knew she wasn't a minor or some kid. It was totally fine and it wasn't like she was sleeping with him for better grades.
With a bright smile she gladly took a seat. "Sure!"
To her surprise the bar was pretty busy and it was blasting with music and people all ages mingling. He asked for a booth and took a seat across from her.
"He has to be interested if he took me to a bar or even offered to go out!"
Looking at the menu Kaien offered to pay for the night.
"Don't worry about it! I'm sure we are hungry also, it's been a long day."
(Your Name) was hesitant at first but gave in only because he wouldn't let her pay for nothing since he invited her out. They had a few rounds of drinks and it was easy for her to talk to him because Kaien was pretty open about everything.
"Yeah I remember falling down the stairs at a frat house blacked out in the bathtub after trying to get home." He tells her laughing his ass off thinking about his college days.
"Yeah it took 7 people to carry me out the house, I was dead weight and woke up in my friends house with different clothes." (Your Name) says sharing her side of stories as well.
"So you're a drinker? I wouldn't have thought." Kaien states as he drank the rest of his water. (Your Name) looks at her watch, it was about to hit midnight and the rain was slowing down enough to drive in.
"It's getting kinda late, I'm pretty sure your family is waiting for you." She says nonchalantly without realizing it may have been a sensitive topic.
Kaien slightly frowns but not enough to show discomfort. He kindly smiles to her after and says "no family, it's just me and I."
Her eyes widen in realization as she quickly apologized and bowed her head. He chuckles and ruffles her hair. "Don't worry, no offense taken. It gets lonely at times but I bare with it. Come on I'll drive you to your car."
The whole night they went out he was a gentleman, opening the car door and the bar door. Holding her bag and paying for dinner. It felt nice.
As they rode back she had to ask him, she wanted to know what this was.
"Kaien?" She asks and the way his name came off her lips felt foreign.
"Hmm?"
"Do you think this is weird? Going out to drink with one of your students and spending a lot of time with me even after tutoring me?"
There was a silence for a moment before he spoke truthfully.
"At first I was skeptical but we are both adults and what we decide to do shouldn't have to matter with imagine or what people think. That means yes I enjoy your company and I do like you."
(Your Name) blushed a bit, he admit to like spending time with her and hinted he didn't wanna stop either.
"How'd you know I like you?"
He smirks and shakes his head before pulling into the garage. "Word spreads fast around my students apparently."
Turning off his car Kaien walked her into her car so she would get home safely.
"(Your Name) if it's out of your comfort zone we could always try after you graduate." He seriously says to her leaning into her window as she gulped to how close he was to her.
"No I don't feel uncomfortable, I just didn't think this would actually be happening."
"Expect the unexpected." He says as she chuckles to how corny that was. "It can be our little secret for a while." Kaien adds with a toothy grin and she smiles.
"Yeah, our little secret for a while."
(Author Note: idk why I feel like I could make this one shot better but then it would turn to a whole story)
#bleach#tite kubo#bleach x reader#bleach oneshots#bleach imagines#bleach oneshot#bleach Kaien#Kaien Shiba
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Bounty Hunter in the Shadows Chapter 1
More chapters here on Ao3.
Story Tags: Erasermic, Friends to Lovers, young Aizawa Shouta, young Yamada Hizashi, Slow Burn, Slice of Life, Hurt/ Comfort, Angst and Feels, Comedy, Fluff, mental breakdown, PTSD, flashbacks, self-medication, drug use, homelessness, homeless Aizawa Shouta, unhealthy coping mechanisms, survivor guilt, cats, growing gp, character study, character development, recovery
Chapter 1: Aizawa and Yamada
Finally graduation day arrived. Aizawa held his UA high school diploma in his hands. This was a joyous occasion – or at least it should be. He should feel proud, which he did to an extent. Aizawa could not help but find the entire event nostalgic before it was even over.
He was a little proud he managed to pull through and finished school, graduating from the most famous hero school in Japan no less, but he also felt a deeply routed guilt. Yamada was joking and laughing with friends. Everyone was loud and happy, yet someone was missing.
Yamada tore Aizawa from his thoughts as he excitedly called out to him. Aizawa put on a teasing smile, silencing him with a quirk and vanished. It was meant as a joke but it also was great to escape his classmates.
Aizawa rolled his eyes at the endless amounts of texts Yamada sent him. He could practically hear the disappointed yelling while reading about how he had missed all the group photos. He didn't even bother to listen to the voice messages or pick his phone up when it rang. Aizawa went home and relaxed on his bed, knowing his foster parents wouldn't get home until later. He wondered what would happen if he left right this moment without another word to anyone. His suitcase was already packed.
A new message lit up his phone's home screen. Aizawa reached for the device, only now bothering to look at the chat.
Yamada:
We're all going out to eat tonight. Will you come?
Aizawa:
No. I promised them dinner.
It was true. He had promised his foster parents a ‘goodbye dinner’ before moving out. It was the reason why he didn't leave right this afternoon. They were decent people and were kind enough to give him space and not pressure him into spending more time together, so when they asked if he would have dinner with them tonight he couldn't say no.
Yamada:
But you're leaving tomorrow morning, right?! When will we see each other again??
That was a good point. It still hadn't quite sunken in that they would not be back at school again soon. They wouldn't just leave school for a weekend or a holiday, but forever. Aizawa almost regretted not staying longer at school now, though he also knew that it wasn't his thing. Seeing everyone excited for the future and sad they would part would have been a little too much. He was happier alone in his bedroom.
Yamada:
Can I come over?
Aizawa:
What about dinner?
Yamada:
We meet later. I'll come over.
Well. Now that that was decided all there was left to do was to wait for the energetic blonde. Wherever Yamada had been, he couldn't have been too far from his home. He was out of breath when, ten minutes later, he rang the doorbell non stop until the door was opened for him.
"Come on in." Aizawa said and they headed over to the brunet's room, where they sat down on the bed. At least Aizawa sat down. Yamada flopped onto the mattress still trying to catch his breath.
"You could have walked here." Aizawa noted.
"Yeah, but I didn't want to miss any more time! Who knows when we'll see each other again!" Yamada said.
"You're the one who wanted to work in America." Aizawa reminded him.
"I knoooow." Yamada whined, but then a grin returned to his face. "But I'm sure it's gonna be awesome!" he said determinedly.
"Just don't start talking to me in English all the time." Aizawa said and realized that he really would miss Yamada.
During their first year at U.A. he did not get particularly close with anyone but Shirakumo and Yamada. In their second year Aizawa had allowed himself to befriend Kayama a little. The cat Aizawa and Shirakumo found and gave to her had helped a lot in terms of befriending the girl who was a grade ahead of them.
After Shirakumo's death Aizawa made sure it stayed that way and distanced himself from others. He couldn't bear the thought of getting close to someone again only to loose them later. He looked at Yamada who lay on his back next to him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Aizawa didn't want to think about how he would react if anything happened to the blonde.
"What train will you take tomorrow morning?" Yamada suddenly asked.
"Why? Don't tell me you want to meet me at the station." Aizawas tone was flat and seemingly uninterested.
"Ehhhh? Why not?!"
"You'll be hung-over." Aizawa stated.
"What? You really think us aspiring pro heroes will succumb to underage drinking?!" Yamada called out in mock surprise as if they hadn't- together in fact- gotten drunk before. Then he turned more serious. "I'd still come if you told me what time the train left." Yamada claimed.
"At 8:00 in the morning? Are you sure?" Aizawa said, a small smirk ghosting on his lips.
"Damn. That's early. Why are you torturing yourself like that?" Yamada asked, knowing how much Aizawa hated getting up early himself. Though, to be fair Aizawa seemed unhappy about getting up at any time. Insomnia was a real pain in the ass.
"I'll still come." Yamada said.
Aizawa just gave a low hum.
"You don't believe me! You'll see. I'll be there!" Yamada bumped his fist into Aizawa's shoulder.
"I didn't say anything." Aizawa said, raising his hands, showing his palms.
"Anyways." Yamada huffed. "You'll have to send me pictures of your apartment when you get there, alright."
"It's shitty. Nothing worth showing off." Aizawa protested.
"I don't care. I just want to see pictures."
"I'll send you pictures of the cockroaches I'll room with." Aizawa teased.
"Please don't!" Yamada looked horrified.
"You get those or nothing." Aizawa shrugged. This was nice. It was easy banter, just the two of them, nothing too overwhelming.
They fell into a comfortable silence, Yamada's eyes landing on Aizawa's packed suitcase.
Yamada had been surprised when Aizawa told him he would leave Musutafu the day after their graduation. He himself would travel to the US soon after the school year ended, but his flight went a week after graduation, giving him enough time to say goodbye to classmates and family. Well, Aizawa could count the friends he had on two fingers and he also did not have much family. Yamada did not know Aizawa’s host family particularly well but the few times he met them they seemed nice. Yamada could not help but wonder if Aizawa left so soon because he felt uncomfortable around them or if it had to do with Aizawa's general attitude and mood ever since their work study ended in their second year.
Yamada had a great support system at home but it was difficult mourning their dead friend himself and helping Aizawa at the same time. Shirakumo's death hit them both hard, though Aizawa definitely had a less healthy way of coping and far less support or people who didn't offer the support he needed which ended in him changing host families a month after their work study. It had been painful to watch Aizawa train in the Gym to the point he was so exhausted he fell asleep in their classes. Yamada had done his best to be there and watch Aizawa as often as he could, sometimes even training with him. It made them grow closer over time.
"You've got to take care of yourself." Yamada broke the silence.
Aizawa frowned, then looked away from the blonde. "You too."
"Hey, you missed out on all the pictures we took, let's take some now!" Yamada changed the subject. They wouldn't see each other in quite a while so they shouldn't just mop around. Aizawa was not impressed by the idea, but when Yamada sat up on the bed and sat right next to him he tilted his head towards the blonde as he held up his phone. Within minutes Yamada's camera roll filled up with new pictures of them both.
"You should leave soon, if you don't want to be late." Aizawa said eventually as he took notice of the time.
"I guess." Yamada said and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?" He reminded Aizawa.
"Don't trouble yourself. It will be fine if you don't." He said.
The door fell shut and Aizawa stood alone in the quiet house. Dinner with his foster parents also was a quiet affair. He appreciated that. They did not try to get him to talk more than usual or try to talk him out of things last minute. They asked if he finished packing and if he still needed something, as if anything was worth the trouble of going out this late at night. There were plenty of stores with the same products where he moved. He let them know he had everything he needed and stayed seated at the table after dinner. They drank tea and let it sink in that things would be different from now on.
The night seemed to drag on forever and Aizawa barely slept. He got up early, even earlier than he had to, so he could make breakfast for everyone. He made his host parents favorite tea, put six slices of bread in the toaster oven and got out a pot to make miso soup. He didn't have to cook but even he could make something as simple as miso soup with tofu and seaweed. He set out the jam for the bread and got out some plates when his host parents came out.
Aizawa checked his phone when he got his suitcase after breakfast. No new messages showed up. The blonde sent him a few photos during the night, so Aizawa knew his classmates drank alcohol and stayed up until the early morning hours. He tried to ignore the slight pang in his chest. It was good Yamada had fun last night. He should rest now. They could talk over the phone later, he told himself pocketing his phone. He looked around the room one final time. It was clean and he already pulled the sheets off and put them into the washing machine.
"Remember you can call us anytime." His host mother told him as they stood in the entrance. Aizawa gave a slight nod to signal he heard her as he tied his shoes.
"Don't hesitate to ask for help." Her husband added.
"Thank you. For everything." Aizawa said, looking them in the eyes. He even gave both a hug before he stepped outside and pulled his suitcase to the station.
When Aizawa arrived at the nearest tram station, he realized he gave Yamada the time his other train would leave from the bigger train station. So even if the blonde intended to come he might have thought of the wrong place. He checked his phone but no new notifications showed up. Aizawa pocketed his phone as the tram came to a stop. The small tram was packed with people going to work and Aizawa shuffled to the door, pulling his suitcase as close as possible. He gave an apologetic nod to an older lady close to him. Aizawa focused his eyes outside the window looking at the familiar houses and stores passing by.
Finally the tram reached the central station. He arrived with some time to spare and checked his phone while he stood waiting at the platform. He felt a little forgotten but tried his best to push the feeling aside. He told Yamada not to worry about coming, so it wasn't fair to be mad at him for not showing up.
He could hear his train enter the station and then, even louder than the arriving train his name. "Aizawaaaaaaa!" He knew that voice.
Aizawa turned around to the direction the call had come from and saw Yamada running into the station. Several people held their ears and stared at the blond in irritation. He would have to get to this platform, but the train just arrived so there was enough time. Aizawa couldn't help but smile.
When Yamada finally came running down the stairs he looked like he would throw up any second. "The things I do for you." he huffed out of breath when he came to a stop in front of Aizawa.
"I told you, you didn't have to come." Aizawa said, but his smile gave him away.
"Please just tell me you are happy to see me so that it was worth coming." Yamada begged. He wore a t-shirt with an unidentifiable stain on it and one of his shoelaces was open. He was very pale and his unstyled hair hung in his face.
"Yeah. I'm happy." Aizawa gave in. "Thank's for coming." He said just as Yamada stepped away from him and threw up over the other side of the platform where no train was.
"Are you alright?" Aizawa asked, holding the other's hair back. Other people were stared more or less subtly.
"Ugh..." Yamada groaned. Aizawa glanced at the clock, "Wait here. I'll be right back." He said and jogged to a vending machine to get some water.
"Thank's." Yamada said after he washed his mouth out and took a sip. "Sorry about that." He said, rubbing the back of his head.
"Do you need money for a taxi back?" Aizawa asked.
"No, no! It's fine. Keep your money! I still have some." Yamada said. He pulled his walled out in demonstration. He knew Aizawa did not have much saved up and he doubted he suddenly accepted more from his host family.
"If you're sure." Aizawa said.
"Actually, let me pay you back for this." Yamada held up the bottle Aizawa just got him.
"It's just water." Aizawa shook his head.
"Alright. Thanks." Yamada put his wallet away again. They stood in silence for a moment after that.
"Well...-" Yamada tried to break the silence.
"I have to get on the train soon." Aizawa said at the same time.
"Ah...right. Well...I'll hear from you soon right? Send pictures!"
"Of roaches. Sure." Aizawa couldn't help but tease with a smirk.
"I got up and came all the way here and this is how you thank me?!" Yamada said so loud he winced himself. He hadn't even spoken that loud but with his head already pounding every decibel felt like too much.
"We'll see." Aizawa said and reached for his suitcase. Should he give Yamada a hug? His arms twitched, though he kept them at his side. "Get some rest." he said, taking a step back.
"You too!" Yamada nodded, wincing once more at his own volume.
"Thank's for coming." Aizawa said, standing in the train's doorway. "Bye."
"Bye." Yamada said a little quieter now, but with a smile on his face while he waved. The blonde was always so positive and energetic. It was nice. Aizawa waved as the door closed, then moved to look for his seat.
It was a window seat and he waved once more once he sat down. Yamada waved with two arms as the train began to move.
This was it.
Aizawa's chest felt tight as the train drove out of Musutafu. So many memories were connected to the city. Good, as well as bad. He gulped down the lump that formed in his throat and pressed his shirt's sleeve against his eyes. A new chapter of his life started with his move to Naruhata. There was no turning back now.
More chapters of Bounty Hunter in the Shadows on Ao3 :)
#erasermic#erasermic fanfic#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#aizawa shouta#present mic#aizawa + yamada#maizawa#bnha fanfic#mha fanfic
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Childhood: a Kohrin oneshot
Summary: Two teenagers sneak off one night to the beach, reflecting on their pasts. Despite the grim subject, Rin somehow always manages to make him smile. Kohaku x Rin oneshot
3,000 words
Childhood
Laughing, racing, tumbling, grinning. Gaped teeth, freckles, dirt between toes, teasing brothers, sunbathing, cool creaks, bare feet and squawking kappas. The scatter of petals and grass kicked into the air, the scent of campfires, sunflowers, crispy fish and cooking fungi. Assuring golden eyes keeping vigilance over her sleep, along with the steady rhythmic breathing of a two-headed dragon keeping her warm. These are all the things Rin chose to remember about childhood.
She remembered and kept them close, especially at night, gliding through memories masquerading as dreams.
In the years after travelling with the stoic lord and staying with Kaede at her village, her limbs had changed- becoming gangly, form lean and growing with burgeoning maturity. She'd adapted to her environment, forming strong friendships with her mentor and the Inutachi. However, despite her days being spent in quiet happiness, she couldn't help but notice a few things. A perpetual absence. A certain searching look in Sango's eyes whenever she glanced up from monitoring her three children to stare off into the trees.
Tossing and turning beneath the covers, Rin frowned in her sleep.
One person who remained elusive in both her dreams and the waking world was-
A crooning noise startled her upright, brown eyes flying wide. Stumbling from her futon and hurrying from Kaede's hut, she peered out into the night inquisitively.
From within the forest, she could see a faint orange glow peeking out between the trees. Tightening her sleeping yukata around her, Rin's lips pursed. She then stubbornly sought out the glow, bare feet padding over cool dirt.
She found him, as predicted, watching Sango's hut.
Kohaku stood, a little further along into his maturity than her. Even the dense shadows couldn't quite hide the changes in his height and features. Rin stopped the second he caught notice of her- a telltale wariness gripping him a moment before recognition painted his face.
"Rin," he said with relief, tone soon slipping into a resigned reprimand. "What're you doing out so late? You should be asleep."
"So should you," she smiled easily, rocking on her heels. She gave a wave to Kirara, who hopped onto Kohaku's shoulder after transforming into a small version of herself and mewling. "It's a strange hour for you to come back. Sango won't be able to greet you with a lively smile-" lively chatter broke off the second she noticed the older boy direct his gaze to his feet. "Oh… unless… you don't plan on staying long?" Rin murmured. Again.
For some reason, it was always the same with him. Lord Sesshoumaru's brief visits didn't bother her in the least. He barely had a connection to the village. But Kohaku? He should've been there, stayed there. She knew Sango missed him terribly but he barely made time to visit.
However, she didn't voice any of this. She'd done so before, and Sango's assurances never seemed to help him. Guilt continued to gnaw like an infected wound at her friend.
Rin observed his freckled face in the torch light, seeing the emotions swimming within vibrant brown eyes.
"You know I would if I could. But…" the silence of the forest swallowed up the remainder of what he wanted to say. Rin shifted her bare feet, drawing closer and taking his coarse, demon-slaying hand.
"Let's go somewhere."
"Huh?"
"I want to go to the beach," she said decisively, as though he had no say in the matter. Kohaku supposed he didn't when she got like this. "Come on, Kaede says the ocean air is good for you. Hurry, before everyone wakes up," Rin tugged on his hand.
Kohaku smiled slightly, giving in far too easily.
---
Kirara touched down on sandy shores an hour later, allowing them to slide off her back. Rin stretched and sucked in a long breath of salty sea air.
"Ahh! Now isn't that better?" she grinned.
Kohaku snorted and smiled good-naturedly, looking out at the black sea with a quiet, observing look. "I haven't been to the beach in a long time."
"Why not?"
Kohaku wandered out, boots crunching on pebbles until they were cushioned by sand, leaving moonlit footprints. "I want to say I haven't had time, but that's not true," he chuckled. "It just hasn't occurred to me to go. That I'd enjoy it."
At 16, Rin still didn't feel old enough nor wise enough to understand everything. She wasn't a firecracker like Kagome had been around her age, and she didn't see herself as a warrior like Sango. However, there were some things Rin knew how to do.
Following, Rin took his hand in passing, tugging to ensure he'd stumble after her. She walked right up to the shoreline, drinking in the dark, hushed atmosphere only broken by the sound of waves crashing against rocks.
"Take off your boots."
Kohaku blinked, raising a brow. His lips quirked, "you sure are bossy today."
Giggling, she wriggled bare toes into the sand- squealing when the cool tide rushed in and splashed about her ankles before drawing back. "You used to walk around barefoot all the time, just like me."
"When I was a kid," he reminded her.
"Are you implying something?" Rin huffed. "I'll tell Uncle Inuyasha you said that."
"No, I wasn't trying to say-" his hasty words cut off, noting her mischievous expression. Kohaku smiled and leaned down as though to take off his boots- suddenly thrusting his hands into the surf and splashing her.
Shrieking and gasping, Rin gaped with surprise- soon grinning viciously wide and leaping towards him. Kohaku quickly dodged. He began running, hotly pursued by the petite young woman. An unexpected noise rang out into the night. Boyish, happy laughter.
Earthy brown eyes widened and even as Rin sprinted, panting, she drank in the sound of Kohaku laughing. How strange, rare and wonderful it was.
Running fast and putting all her energy into her legs, Rin leapt at his back. Catching him around the middle, she collided hard against him.
With an undignified yelp from a demon slayer, Kohaku lost his footing, toppling gracelessly to the ground, kicking up sand. Giggling breathlessly, Rin spat some from her mouth and lifted her head.
"You went down easy. Are you sure you slay demons?" she teased, nestling against the warmth of his back.
Kohaku shifted, shaking sand from his ponytail and adjusting their positions so that they were facing each other, laying on their sides. He wiped his face, expression clearly trying to remain unaffected and firm- but breaking into a tender smile.
"You always do this," he mused quietly.
"Hm? I don't think I've ever tackled you into the sand before," Rin felt fairly confident about that.
"That's not what I mean, it's just that you always make me feel... something different. Something good."
"But we had that argument about how best to stew nettles the other day," she pointed out.
A chuckle escaped him, soulful gaze sober. "Even that felt good to me."
Tilting her head against the dry, soft dune, both fell silent. Despite being a chatter-box, Rin also knew when to be quiet and let him talk. Her hand inched out naturally for his, and Kohaku accepted it, grasping her palm in a way that made her feel secure and safe. They'd known each other for many years so some things came as easy as breathing. Other things, like talking about it, came slowly, painfully.
"Why won't they go away?" Kohaku murmured in a hushed tone for only her to hear. "The nightmares. The memories," his gaze shook. "I just want to stop seeing it every time I look at Sango, but its there, in the back of my mind. I don't... feel right being around my nieces and nephew."
"You're still scared you'll hurt them?" there was no judgment in her tone. Assuring him that Naraku was dead and gone didn't help. Kohaku was perfectly aware of that.
The young man ducked his head, lips thin. His larger, rougher hand in hers trembled. "What if it's still there?" he whispered. "The compulsion to hurt people. I could be living my life- I could marry-" his eyes avoided hers. "Have children, but then one day I hear his voice again and the memory is too strong to resist. I could do something awful."
Dark brows pulled together, heart-squeezing in her ribcage. She wanted to help so badly. However, there was nothing she could do but keep trying to assure him and listen. "Even if you hear him, I believe in you, Kohaku," Rin stroked a thumb over his scarred knuckles. "You'd fight it. You're getting stronger all the time."
He looked exhausted, running a hand through his hair and sighing. "I'm so tired of being scared," he mumbled, glancing wearily at her. "You're still scared too, aren't you?"
Her face lost its girlish innocence, becoming firm as she sat up. "I've told you before- I'm not afraid of you, Kohaku!" she insisted hotly. "I haven't been since I was 8!"
Kohaku shifted his muscular body, and it was times like those she noticed how much larger and different he'd become. She blushed slightly but kept her expression serious.
"I wasn't talking about that," he chuckled, gaze becoming gentle. Careful fingers minded some dark hair from her face. "Your nightmares. You still have nightmares about your childhood too, right?"
Rin blinked, feeling cold and releasing his hand to wrap both arms around herself. The brush of cool night air gliding over her skin suddenly felt a little too chilly.
A soft croon rumbled out seconds before Kirara's large form settled down behind them. Lustrous buttercup coloured fur bumped against Rin's back, and she nestled against the nekomata's side gratefully.
"We don't have to discuss it if you don't want to," Kohaku said with concern, leaning back against the demon as well.
Forcing a cheery smile, Rin shook her head. "I'm fine- I've actually come up with something that helps me sleep most nights now, and I thought it might help you too."
"What is it?"
Tilting her head back to gaze at the stars above, she smiled a little more naturally. "I think of all the good things in my childhood. Laughing, racing, tumbling, grinning. Gaped teeth, freckles, dirt between toes, teasing brothers, sunbathing, cool creaks, bare feet and squawking kappas. The scatter of petals and grass kicked into the air, the scent of campfires, sunflowers, crispy fish and cooking fungi. Assuring golden eyes keeping vigilance over my sleep, along with the steady rhythmic breathing of a two-headed dragon keeping me warm."
Kohaku stared at her with no short amount of amazement. He swallowed and looked down at the sand.
"You're strong," he breathed. "To be able to separate all the good things from the bad."
"You can do it too," grabbing his hand again, Rin inched closer with an encouraging nod. "Tell me some things you remember. Happy things."
Kohaku blushed a little at her proximity and cleared his throat, thinking. "Sango. She was always there for me."
"What else?"
His eyes seemed to haze slightly, "Father…"
"Push through it, Kohaku," she murmured. "There was a time before all the bad stuff. Was he kind?"
Kohaku blinked, firm fingers squeezing hers as he came back to himself, exhaling. He chuckled shyly, "he was a little strict, but he meant well."
Rin shifted closer, resting beside him shoulder to shoulder, knee bumping his. Kohaku rested his head back against Kirara's soft fur and began recounting things long since buried. Things he hadn't thought he could remember or appreciate anymore. The guilt was there, it always would be, but it felt further away, replaced with a bitter-sweet tang.
"Practicing, running, training, laughing, chasing yellow nekomatas," he scratched Kirara's ear. "Butterflies, bare-feet, hunting- freeing rabbits from traps because I didn't want to see them get killed. Father yelling. Father's hand gently resting on my h-head," the words stumbled. "Playing, flower gathering, flying on Kirara. The smell of the blacksmiths. Sweat. Forging weapons. Sango snoring."
Rin gasped and giggled, watching as his fingers slid through the gaps between her own.
"Warming my hands on the brazier. Talking. Listening. Stories around the campfire. Demon slayers, family," Kohaku murmured, voice thick with memories. He closed his eyes, falling silent.
"You did really well," cuddling against him, Rin pecked his cheek.
Kohaku glanced down at her, "I haven't talked about that stuff out loud before. I didn't think I could anymore."
Grinning, she put her nose in the air, imitating Jaken. "Humph well, I am rather good at talking. Getting other people to talk is my speciality ~"
Chuckling, he nudged his free hand against her forehead gently, brown eyes incredibly warm. "Can we do this again sometime? There's probably more we can remember."
Blinking, Rin gentled and squeezed his fingers, "of course we can. Anytime, Kohaku. But you know… Sango might want to hear some of this too- when you're ready," she added quickly.
His face became a touch more guarded, which broke her heart. He was so afraid of hurting Sango again. For a demon slayer, the young man was heavily weighed down by empathy.
Rin touched his freckled cheek, "Kohaku?"
He shook his head slightly and gave a smile to show he was alright. "Never mind that. How'd you get to be so brave talking about this stuff?"
Humming, she let her fingers linger, dragging down to his jaw. It looked and felt strong beneath her touch. "I probably couldn't talk about it out loud if you weren't here. You make me feel brave."
Before her fingers left his face, her hand was caught. Kohaku pushed it back to rest against his cheek, tilting his face into her palm.
"Likewise," he mumbled.
Cheeks warming, Rin felt her heart stutter and thrum wildly in her chest. It was weird. Kohaku was so incredibly dear to her. She loved being close to him, but lately, butterflies just wouldn't stop fluttering in her stomach.
Seeming to sense her confusion, Kohaku released her slack hand and gently returned it to her. He then turned to his boots and began tugging them off.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm doing as you bossily suggested earlier," standing, he gave a small smile, offering a hand down to her.
Rin accepted it, following as he walked to the shoreline. Stepping onto the wet sand, a noise of surprise and shook escaped the demon slayer as the tide rushed in.
Biting her lip, Rin tried and failed to suppress mirthful laughter. "Did you just squeal?"
"No. You're imagining things," Kohaku grinned.
The ocean lapped around their ankles, slowly receding, before sweeping a fresh wave of cool, dark water against their skin.
Kohaku gradually adjusted, looking out at the endless stretch of ocean brightened by the moon. Rin breathed in a lungful of the fresh air, slowly relaxing with him.
The tired lines beneath Kohaku's kind eyes seemed to soften, not entirely going away, but his face appeared young once more, gaining a healthy glow.
Rin held onto his hand throughout. He was the only one she felt so strangely at peace with. Lord Sesshoumaru and Kaede were protective presences, but neither really knew her, or her secrets. No one understood everything that had happened in her life, though she'd divulged some things.
She'd told Kohaku everything. When the boys at the village whispered among themselves that she was strange, a shape-shifter, a hanyou girl in disguise, Rin would smile. Because they didn't need to know or understand. Kohaku accepted her oddness, an outlier himself. Perhaps they were Hanyou children in a way.
Like Uncle Inuyasha, they didn't quite fit into human society. They were too strange. Too changed, different because of what they'd seen and experienced, never quite meshing despite their best efforts to.
But that was alright.
She'd asked Uncle Inuyasha about it once, Lord Sesshoumaru in their presence. Inuyasha had met Sesshoumaru's gaze, voice gruff.
"Well, there was no place for me, so I had to make one for myself, and then I realized, I had a place, but I was the only one in it."
Lord Sesshoumaru had seemed quiet and considering of his words.
Rin understood. Gazing at Kohaku right then, she felt he would too. The two humans who had died too young. Kohaku was part of her space, and she was in his.
Catching her eye, he smiled. Just as naturally as holding hands, he leaned down and rested their foreheads together. Rin let out a whoosh of hot air, lashes fluttering shut. The press of his head against hers felt intimate and sweet.
Slowly, she opened her eyes and shifted her head, lips inches from his, face burning. Kohaku's eyes cracked open wide, before gazing solemnly at her. He wrestled with something- and she thought he might pull away.
Kohaku then snuffed out the rest of the distance between them, lips pressing against hers in a chaste kiss.
White-hot feeling burst within the young woman like shooting stars. Butterflies turned into hummingbirds. Her lips burned.
They pulled away, both avoided each other's gazes a moment, reeling. They then caught one another's eye and slowly, shyly smiled. Because they were still the same, just a little different from before.
"Let's go back to the village," Kohaku murmured, noticing the first hues of sunlight brightening the horizon. "I think… I'll try talking to Sango."
Rin nodded, smiling with palpable relief.
He glanced at her, expression remaining vulnerable, fragile heart laid bare for her to see. Kohaku trusted her to handle it gently.
"And Rin?"
"Yes?"
He blushed slightly, squeezing her hand. "Let's come back to the beach sometime soon."
Rin's face burst into a wide grin, giggling a little breathlessly.
"I'd love to!"
---
End
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Boogeyman
(Special thanks to @fluffy-papaya and @sweetest-honeybee for the design and concept of Boogeydubs! I hope I did him justice, but pls keep in mind this is just my interpretation of him 💗)
-
Bdubs furiously rolled around in his bed, praying that mindless sleep would wash over him like it had every night before. There was always a panic that struck his heart when the sun went down, a sort of unexplainable terror that gripped his soul with icy claws as dark and cold as the sky.
But it was fine. He was fine. He was just scared of the dark. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody has fears.
But he doubted that everybody's fears manifested in a way that his did.
Bdubs knew as soon as he heard the low chuckle echo from under his bed that it was going to be a long night.
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to will away the Thing that slithered out from below, as he knew it would. Bdubs buried his head into his pillow, breathing in the comforting smell of familiarity and peace that lingered to his faithful resting place. For a moment, his heartbeat slowed, and he began to calm.
Then ice cold fingers brushed his cheek, and he snapped his eyes open in horror.
The Thing grinned wider with horrible glowing teeth when it noticed Bdubs finally looking. "Good morning, Bdubs." It greeted sarcastically, its voice distorted and hollow.
Bdubs couldn't respond. He couldn't move. If it wasn't autonomous, he doubted he would even be breathing right now, as sharp and ragged as it was. He could only stare unblinking at this disgusting attempt of a doppelganger that sat at his bedside.
The Thing was pure black, an evershifting mass of shadow save for its face, which would look exactly like Bdubs' if he had sharp teeth and glowing green eyes. It only existed to taunt him, to torture it's host, only making itself known at night.
"You kept me away for a good while, Bdubs." The Thing purred, voice as oily as its form. "What changed, I wonder? Missed me?"
The Thing bared its teeth in a sly grin. "Or could it be that you were thinking of me?" The Thing asked, shifting into a demented copy of Scar.
Bdubs' breath hitched in his throat, but he still couldn't say a word as the Thing pranced around in his beloved mayor's form.
"You were always a disappointment, you know that, don't you?" The Thing continued, its voice now a distorted but very recognizable Scar's. "You were never useful. I only kept you around for the fans. I couldn't have them be upset."
The Thing leaned closer to Bdubs, putting a mocking smirk on Scar's lips. "You know how important the views are to me."
"Stop," Bdubs croaked, tears spilling down the sides of his face. The Thing somehow grinned wider, it's glowing eyes flashing with glee. "I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just relaying the facts. Can't you handle the truth, Bdubs?"
Bdubs' chest heaved with a sob that got trapped behind his teeth. The Thing backed away, again performing that pretentious strut around Bdubs' bed in Scar's body.
"I don't need you. You're only a minor nuisance that I deal with every day." The Thing sighed mockingly. "So goes the plight of the most powerful man in the shopping district, I suppose. At least I have Cub by my side." The Thing side eyed Bdubs with a smug smile.
Jealousy burned in Bdubs' heart, temporarily pushing back the fear that trapped him to his bed. It was gone sooner than a torchlight snuffed out, but something on his face must've informed the Thing that its words affected him.
"Touchy subject, Bdubs? Hm...there's something you wish to say?" The Thing taunted with a cruel smile, sitting on the foot of the bed. "Come now. You know you can tell your mayor anything."
"STOP!" Bdubs cried, wrenching himself free of the mental chains that froze him in place and leapt out of the bed, chest heaving from the effort. The Thing slid off the bed to pool on the floor in front of him, quickly rising and molding itself back into Scar. Its leering aura was very quickly changed to a menacing scowl; an expression that Bdubs was terrified to see on Scar's face, even a copy of one.
"You can never run from me." The Thing growled, dissolving back into Bdubs' doppelganger. "I am part of you. I AM you." It began walking towards him. Bdubs was frozen in place. "And now you're just wasting time. What would your mayor think?"
The Thing molded its face into Scar's once again, eyebrows knitted into a disapproving look. "You know how I HATE low productivity."
Bdubs stumbled away from the Thing, falling to the floor and clutching his head. "Stop it--stop it! You're not him!!" His face burned with regret and resentment, tears pouring from his eyes when he squeezed them shut so tight he became lightheaded. "Just leave me alone--" Bdubs choked out.
The Thing grabbed his shoulders from behind, it's claws so cold they felt like burning metal through Bdubs' shirt. "I'm always with you. I can never leave. Someone has to keep you in check." It hissed.
The Thing wrenched Bdubs' face up to look it in the eyes, it's claws leaving the skin numb where it touched. "After all, it certainly won't be you."
A pitiful cry escaped Bdubs' throat before he could swallow it. Deep down, he knew the Thing was right. He wasn't good enough for Scar. He couldn't hope to beat Cub. Nobody needed him.
The Thing shifted back into Bdubs, grinning again. "Now you're getting it."
The numbness in Bdubs' face suddenly grew white hot, pulling a strangled scream from his chest. He tried to rip the Thing's claws off his face, but his fingers stuck to where he touched, sending searing pain into his arms.
"I'm starting to get sick of reminding you. You don't even give me the time of night anymore." The Thing sneered at Bdubs, ignoring his sobs of pain. "So I've decided to stick around a little while longer."
The Thing laid a hand on Bdubs chest, feeling as though it had set him on fire. Dark tendrils spread out from the Thing's claws, and Bdubs could feel the darkness burrowing into his veins like a deadly poison, setting every nerve ending alight with agony.
Pain. It made him remember. The last time Bdubs was in pain, Scar was there, bandaging his legs after a nasty fall from the floating Eyes of Ender that covered the shopping district.
Scar was there for him. Scar helped him, looked him over with his gorgeous green eyes full of worry. Brushed off Bdubs' false words of being fine, helped him back to his office in the Town Hall to heal. Didn't leave his side until he was truly okay again.
Scar cared. The Thing was wrong about that.
Warm affection swelled in his heart despite being in excruciating pain. But as soon as it did, the Thing drew back as if it'd been burnt, halting the process of assimilating into his host. A split second of bewilderment crossed it's face, but it was enough to affirm Bdubs.
Bdubs staggered to his feet, clutching the fabric over his chest where the pain was still very raw. He heaved breaths of relief and excursion, standing taller to face his nightmarish counterpart.
"You're wrong," Bdubs gasped. The Thing bared its teeth like a cornered animal, it's glowing eyes narrowed to angry slits.
"Scar--Scar doesn't think I'm useless. He--that's what matters. You can say all you want but it won't mean anything!" Bdubs spat. He fruitlessly wiped the tears from his face, but more replaced them just as fast.
"You--you can screw off." Bdubs panted. The Thing snarled and took a step back, it's form shifting more incomprehensibly.
"Go back to the--the nightmare world you came from." Bdubs said. There was no bravery inside of him; just a defiance. If denying that Scar cared for him was denying the truth, then call him a liar.
The Thing must have noticed Bdubs change in thought. It took another step back, lowering itself to all fours. "You'll realize one day." It provoked. "I don't care how long it takes."
"I'll be waiting." Bdubs growled, tightening his grip on his shirt. He was shaking and sopping wet from sweat and tears, but his resolve was stronger than diamond armor. The warmth of love burned in his soul, soothing the pain of the Thing's attempted possession.
The Thing dissolved into a puddle and zoomed back under the bed, leaving Bdubs alone in silence.
Bdubs shakily sat down on a block of scaffolding, finally giving himself time to breathe. He leaned his head back to rest on the cool cobblestone wall, closing his eyes to let the last of the tears fall.
After several minutes of recovery, Bdubs slowly retrieved his communicator.
[BDoubleO100] Scar, can we talk?
[GoodTimesWithScar] Sure? You're not sleeping, everything okay?
[BDoubleO100] That's what I want to talk about. Can you come to my base?
[GoodTimesWithScar] Of course <3
Bdubs felt a soft smile tug at his lips. He was exhausted, but at the same time never felt farther from sleep.
#i can't draw so I'm doing this instead :'')#angst#hermitcraft fic#scardubs#kind of??#meraki post#queue#boogeyman
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