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hq-cuties-pls · 4 years

Note

THE LOVE SCRATCHES SCENARIO WITH TSUKKI, SUGA, KAGEYAMA, IWAZUMI, AND AKAASHI? PLEASE AND THANK

We have decided to combine these two asks because there is a lot of overlap. Please enjoy the final hours before Haikyuu’s Return!~The Admins

—–

Tsukishima:

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi shot him a wry smile from the other side of the club room. He nodded at Tsukishima’s back, indicating the mirror with a flicker of his eyes.

“Oh, shit…” Tsukishima ran his hands over the deep, vivid scratches on his back.

“You and ___ have a good time last night?” Yamaguchi shot him a wry look out the corner of his eye. His smile was borderline smug, and the way he ruffled his short bangs in the mirror was definitely an attempt to bait him.

It worked.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” he growled, yanking his practice shirt on with perhaps a little too much force.

“Mm-hm.” Yamaguchi shrugged, taking a seat to wrap his sprained ankle. “Whatever you say.”

Tsukishima had never been more thankful for getting in the habit to show up first for practice, because he didn’t even want to think about what Kageyama or Hinata would say about all this. He’d talked to you about it, but in the moment, when you were under him and arching beautifully and blissed out and delirious, well… let’s just say he was a little distracted.

“When did you turn into such a shit?” Tsukishima tugged his shirt down as if in effort to further conceal his back, smoothing carefully over the tender bits.

“Once I was made Captain. I never knew why Daichi-san and Ennoshita-san were the way they were. Now I know it’s less a sports team and more a colony of feral cats. But I’m getting used to it.”

“That’s good.”

“Just like I’m getting used to you and ____ and evidence of you two getting frisky.” Yamaguchi kicked at his hip with his good leg. “Seriously, you need to cut it out. What if the children saw? What if Yacchan saw?”

“If Yachi-san is in here, then that means someone has had a stroke and no one is paying attention to my sex scratches.” Tsukishima neatly dodged Yamaguchi’s attack. “Seriously, Yamaguchi, you need to stop with the protective Dad schtick. You’re worse than Sawamura-san.”

Yamaguchi scowled; “Just for that, I’m encouraging Hinata to slap your back later. As hard as he can. And you’ll deserve it.”

Suga:

“BWAH! Su-suga-senpai! What… what happened?!”

Suga absently followed Hinata’s gaze, reminded of the evidence of your weekend alone with him on his back. He shrugged, trying to pass off the minor wince of pain as one of his shit-eating grins; “Oh, nothing. A Kitten got to me, is all.”

“A kitten?” Kageyama poked his head out of his sweater, looking almost comically innocent. Suga hated to ruin it… almost. “Did you get a cat, senpai?”

Suga shrugged, his smile sharpening as he fought the ugly cackles that threatened to come out; “You could say that…”

Daichi groaned; “Oh, my god, Suga, Kitten is ____’s pet name, isn’t it. Don’t you fucking lie to me, you pervert.”

“Such language, Daichi!” Suga put his hand over his (bare) chest in a pretense of scandal. “And in front of the children!”

“Says the guy who came into practice with SEX SCRATCHES? Suga, we talked about this–no marks in front of the kouhai!”

Asahi chose that moment to chime in, rubbing at his eyes like he had a migraine coming in; “And there goes all pretense of plausible deniability.”

Suga packed up his neatly-folded school uniform, zipping into his team jacket with a definitive and sharp movement; “Bold of you to assume I ever had deniability. Besides, I said nothing. Daichi’s the one who outed me as a deviant.”

“You are a deviant.” Daichi shot a narrow look at him, even if whatever rage may or may not be coming from him was basically nonexistent. “Why are you like this?”

“Have to maintain my status as the pretty one, don’t I?” Suga ran a hand through his bangs, checking the tiny mirror on the wall before sauntering out.

“How did anyone ever think you were Karasuno’s angel?” Daichi called after him.

Suga answered with a shrug, followed by a wince–you’d really done a number on him, regardless of how satisfying it was to aggravate Daichi’s Housewife Instincts.

Kageyama:

“Hey, Kageyama! Nice sex scratches!”

“Hm?” Kageyama peeked over his shoulder at the long, bright red scratches running down his back. He scowled. “Those aren’t sex scratches. They’re cat scratches.”

“Oh wow, that was a weak excuse, even for you, King,” Tsukishima said, pushing his dumb sports glasses higher up his face. “Sure those are cat scratches, and Tanaka-senpai is top of his class.”

“Oi!” It was Tanaka-senpai’s turn to scowl. “That sounded like disrespect, Tsukishima.”

“It was disrespect, Tanaka, keep up,” Ennoshita-senpai added.

“RIP Ryuu,” Noya said with a smirk. “Don’t mind, don’t mind.”

“I feel like we’re getting off topic,” Kinnoshita said. “Suga-senpai is going to be heartbroken he missed this.”

“The baby is growing up.” Narita wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eye. “Kageyama went and got himself laid all on his own.”

“What…” Kageyama blinked, unsure why the conversation was steering in this direction. ‘Laid?’ Like… laid down? Like a nap? “I don’t… yeah, I laid down at ____’s house and that’s how Tama got me.”

“Tama?” Hinata tilted his head, looking a bit like Tama when you opened a can of tuna fish. “Is Tama your weird pervy nickname for ____?”

“No! He’s ____’s cat, you idiot!”

“Ah.” Yamaguchi shrugged. “Seems he’s sticking with the cat scratches story.”

“They are cat scratches!”

“Sure, sure.” Yamaguchi patted his back, which just hurt… like a lot. “Come on, Kageyama. Get dressed. We won’t bother you about your…ah… “cat scratches” again.”

Kageyama scowled as he watched his teammates file out of the club room. Why did no one believe him about his cat scratches!? He’d have to ask you about it later…maybe you understood why everyone was laughing about it.

Iwaizumi:

He should have known better.

He really, really should have known better.

He’d even thought about it last night–he’d made sure you didn’t leave any marks that would show above the neck of a t-shirt, and he’d made a mental note not to change with the rest of the team.

A mental note that he completely forgot about until he’d gotten his shirt of and Oikawa let out a shriek.

“I-IWA-CHAN! MY EYES!”He dramatically slapped a hand over his eyes, covering them. “My poor, virginal eyes! How could you–no, how dare you besmirch this sacred space with your sex scratches!”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, heaving a sigh and resigning himself to wait until Oikawa got it out of his system.

“Wait, sex scratches? For real?” Hanamaki said, and Iwaizumi groaned. Of course. Of course it wouldn’t be enough for Oikawa to see. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were like hounds on the scent, and once they got wind of it, they were never going to drop it.

“Niiiice, vice-captain,” Matsukawa drawled. “She really got you good. Never took you for the kinky type, Iwaizumi.”

“MAKKI! MATTSUN! How dare you encourage this–this perversion in our sacred club room!”

“Ah, yes,” Hanamaki said, “The baked-in smell of sweat and dust. The pinnacle of sacredness, I’m sure.”

“The disrespect,” Oikawa said with a dramatic flair of his hand. “What about our kouhai, Iwaizumi? What kind of example are you setting for them?”

“D-don’t worry about us, captain!” Kindaichi said, though his cheeks and ears were bright, flaming red. “I mean, what Iwaizumi-senpai and ___-chan do in their spare time is none of our business, right?”

“EXACTLY!” Oikawa shrieked. “None of our business. So he shouldn’t–shouldn’t make it our business by coming in here with his… his sex scratches!”

“Sounds like someone’s jealous,” Matsukawa said with a wicked grin.

“I–WHAT?! Mattsun, how dare you imply–I would never–I… you… GAH!”

Oikawa, now red-faced himself, pulled his t-shirt forcefully over his head and stalked out of the room in a huff. As he left, he shouted over his shoulder–

“ANYONE NOT DRESSED AND ON THE COURT IN THE NEXT MINUTE IS DOING DIVING DRILLS!”

Akaashi:

“Wow, Akaashi, your cat got you really good!” Bokuto said, staring wide-eyed at Akaashi’s bare back.

Akaashi blinked twice, looking to the side and clutching his shirt in his hands.

“Wait…” Bokuto said, frowning. “You don’t have a cat. Did you get a cat?”

“N-no, Bokuto-san, I–”

“Oh! Does ___ have a cat?”

“No, she–”

“AKAASHI, WAS IT A STRAY?” Bokuto asked, grabbing Akaashi’s arms. “That’s really bad, you should go to the doctor! What if it had rabies?”

“Rabies was eliminated in Japan, like, 30 years ago,” Komi said, biting down a delighted smirk. “Don’t worry, Bokuto, I’m sure Akaashi is being safe. Right, Akaashi?”

“Y-yes!” Akaashi said, his cheeks flushing.

“Oh, so you went to the doctor?” Bokuto said.

Komi snorted into his fist, and Konoha slapped his hand against his forehead.

“No,” Akaashi said, scrubbing a hand over his forehead. “Bokuto-san, there was no cat.”

“I–wha?”

“You see, captain,” Komi said, slapping a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder, “when two people love each other very much…”

“It was ____, Bokuto-san. _____ left the scratches, okay?” Akaashi said, squeezing his eyes shut. “Now, if it’s alright, I suggest we start practice.”

Bokuto stared blankly for long enough that it became genuinely concerning. Akaashi could almost hear that weird, scratchy dial-up sound.

Konoha laughed; “I didn’t realize it was possible for a human being to Blue Screen, but wow, Bokuto continues to surprise.”

A solid 15 or 20 seconds later, Bokuto exploded into the most brilliant blush ever seen in nature, sputtering dramatically as he tried to shove his head through the arm hole of his t-shirt.

“Ah…” Komi said with a shrug. “And there he is. Really, Akaashi-kun, you should do something to protect his innocence. He isn’t ready for that.”

“My apologies,” Akaashi replied with a small smirk. “I’ll try to get ____ to be less…affectionate next time.”

Semi:

“I see you have been enjoying your… extracurricular activities, Semi,” Ushijima said in his usual near-monotone.

Semi stared back at him, his brow creasing. “I–I’m not in any other extracurriculars, though? Just volleyball. I mean–I am enjoying that, I guess?” He blinked in confusion, but Ushijima’s ever-stoic face gave nothing away.

“Eita-kuuun,” Tendou crowed, popping up over Semi’s shoulder. “I think Wakatoshi-kun was making a joke.” A catlike smirk spread across his face, and then one of his long fingers jabbed directly into the largest gouge you’d left in Semi’s back. Semi jumped, wincing at the pain, and then his eyes went wide.

“Oh–fuck.” Semi groaned, the memory of last night flooding back into his brain.

“Ahaha, there it is! Good for you, Semisemi. Make sure you put some ointment on those though, yeesh. Maybe tell ____ to trim their nails next time!” Tendou said before he pranced off to finish changing.

Semi stared at Ushijima, who was–if he wasn’t very much mistaken–smirking.

Ushijima Wakatoshi was smirking.

“I keep antibiotic ointment in my bag, if you would like to borrow some,” Ushijima said simply, an almost-imperceptible twitch to his eyebrow the only indication he wasn’t utterly earnest.

Oikawa:

A low wolf whistle interrupted the typical chatter in the club room, causing everyone to fall silent. Matsukawa was leaning against the door wearing a wide, lecherous grin.

“Wow, Captain, color me impressed. I really thought you were all talk, but you and ____-chan have been busy, haven’t you?”

It was clear what Matsukawa was talking about–Oikawa’s bare, pale back was ravaged, the bright pink of the scratch marks all the more stark against his fair skin. Oikawa blinked twice, his eyes going wide as saucers before he abruptly spun around, putting his back to the lockers.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mattsun–”

“Well, Captain,” Hanamaki interrupted, “it would seem ____-chan has left some rather impressive marks…”

“THERE ARE NO MARKS,” Oikawa screeched, his face going as pink as the scratch marks curving over his shoulders.

“Come on, Captain,” Matsukawa drawled, “just yesterday you were bragging about you and ____’s escapades.”

“A gentleman doesn’t tell, Mattsun,” Oikawa said, his voice wavering as he sidled awkwardly along the wall.

“Funny, because they say a picture’s worth a thousand words,” Hanamaki interrupted with a devilish grin, brandishing his phone. “And this one’s got plenty to say.”

“MAKKI!” Oikawa shrieked. Hanamaki darted out of the club room, and Oikawa lunged after him–still dressed only in his track pants.

“Three… two… one…” Iwaizumi counted down under his breath, and right on cue a chorus of girlish screams broke out outside the club room, followed by Oikawa dashing back inside and slamming the door behind him. He fell forward against the wall, his head hitting the locker with a metallic thunk.

“My life is over,” he moaned dramatically.

“There, there,” Iwaizumi said, patting him firmly on the back right where the scratches were worst. “At least you had pants on.”

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #suggestive content #tsukishima kei #kageyama tobio #iwaizumi hajime #akaashi keiji #semi eita #oikawa tooru #sugawara koushi #sfw

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rwbyremnants · 3 years

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NOTE: Car sex, cunnilingus.

WOW, I can't believe after so long between updates it's finally all up! Hope you guys enjoyed the ride and are happy that Ruby and Winter figured it all out. Again, I know sometimes this account goes quiet even though I'm always writing; I just can't always find the time to set aside to edit and update the fics. It won't be right away but I can tell you that the next installment of the White Noise universe is definitely coming someday. Until then, see you in the other fics!

-NBW

=Chapter 11

Once the newly happy couple entered the conservatory, it became too crowded to talk about their private affairs. Everyone was sat around in the living room, surrounding Weiss who took the middle of the sofa with Yang at her side. Blake and Sun had made it, and they were lingering near Yang. There was still no sign of Qrow, Taiyang or Penny yet. They must have been more held up than they thought. Even if people were still engaged in their own conversations rather than fully focusing on their host, it was still too risky.

But that didn't stop Ruby standing in place by Winter's side, idly brushing their hands by one another. Not holding, but enough to make her presence known.

"Okay, I guess we're ready!" Weiss was announcing as Winter hooked her own pinky around Ruby's. No one would have noticed how nervous she was unless they were close to her - either physically or emotionally. Nervous, yet excited.

"Hang on," Blake said, holding up her phone and aiming the camera at Weiss. "Okay, ready!"

"Open Yang's! It's sappy!" Ruby called across the crowd loudly, knowing it would definitely be heard on the recording.

It was a small haul of presents in comparison to previous years, but no one particularly minded. Both the hosts understood that many of their guests either didn't know what to get or couldn't afford much – and they themselves had insisted nobody break the bank. It made the cards reviewed all the more special, which Weiss had Yang display by the fireplace right away.

Nearly an hour later, everyone had gathered at the dinner table. Weiss put the various presents to one side but insisted on wearing the bracelet. While agreeing it was sappy, she loved it – just as both Ruby and Yang suspected she would. Yang and Weiss were sat at one end, with Fènleng in her high chair at the head of the table. By their side were Sun and Blake, then Neon and Inu, then Winter and Ruby. The rest of the guests were further along, with only a few taking the sofa due to lack of space at the table. Everyone took what they wanted from the buffet of sandwiches and snacks, complimenting Neon and Yang who had put it all together on this occasion.

Ruby sometimes managed to give Winter a shy wave. There was still no sign of Penny just yet. But while things were up in the air with Winter, she assumed that was for the best. They could talk soon.

"You know," Winter said to Neon as she leaned to one side so they could speak more easily, "you two did quite a good job on this spread. If you ever get tired of performing, you could probably try your hand at party planning."

Blowing a loud raspberry, she smirked back toward her. "No way! Any nimrod can spread some mayo on bread’n add some tuna or ham. I just needed to do it a few hundred times!"

"Well, I might think about it! I'm sure as hell still not used to going out and people recognising me on the street, like I’m somebody." Grabbing a few of the cheese sandwiches and some potato chips, Yang looked toward her little sister from across the table. "Don't worry, I put Penny's vegan stuff to the side so she'll have plenty when she gets here. Made it special!"

"Oh, great! She'll really like that!" Ruby grinned straight back, having just put a bratwurst on her plate and adding more chips. "They're still held up, I think… traffic must be bad."

"Sometimes it gets pretty congested," Weiss agreed as she popped a devilled egg into her mouth. "Flying out of Nashville is as miserable as LAX. But you get used to it."

"This tuna is excellent," Blake commented with a smile. "You really went all out."

"Seconded! I'm surprised it hasn’t summoned the real cat yet." Taking a few of the tuna sandwiches for herself, Neon then looked back to Weiss while she prepared her own and some of Fènleng's food. "Hey, where is Xu-Xu anyways?"

But while they had their light, aimless conversations, it seemed Ruby was zoning out for a moment. She had got her food, and simply stared blankly at her plate as she began to eat. Dwelling on Penny being late would do no good for her mood, so eating was a good solution.

And so was something else going on under the table. About a third of the way through her bratwurst, Ruby could feel a sensation sliding up her calf. It was very light, but definitely present; a teasing. As it did so, she could hear Winter answering another question Blake had asked.

"Oh, I'm not much of a pet person. But I might be persuaded to take in a rescue." Her eyes flicked between both her and Ruby. "Perhaps a cat and a dog, if they could play nice with each other."

Swallowing the meat in her mouth, Ruby shuddered with both a mixture of shock and pleasure. She could feel very easily it was Winter's soft foot, teasing her with those pedicured nails. And it began to rise! Then it hit her: Winter's ultimate payback for what happened with her father. She wasn't finished with her just yet, but could balance their debts by winding her up in front of all the guests.

"Really?" Blake was laughing with a wider smile. "Maybe find a cat who wouldn't mind being cat-sat by you until you could adopt one of your own. I could help you with that."

The elder Schnee sister hummed her agreement as the teasing went up to Ruby's knee, tracing tiny circles as it went. "You know, that might be nice. Test if I'm really ready to take on a pet full-time."

Again, her eyes went back to Ruby. Now biting her lip, Ruby waited for what was coming. She had to maintain a mask of calm, not show that she was really flustered. She never considered all these factors when doing it to Winter. No wonder she wanted to get back at her in this way; it would teach her not to underestimate how hard this was to do on the receiving end.

"Ahem!" Sun ejaculated toward Winter in regards to her comments. Assuming they were intended for Blake, he leant forward. "'Ix-nay' on the 'Et stuff-pay', alright? These people are super vanilla!"

Leaning forward herself, Winter's foot disappeared during the action. "Nobody would pick up on what we meant if you weren't drawing more attention to it, Monkey Boy," she hissed. Though she was still smiling; not at all upset, just mildly bemused that Sun had let himself get so easily flustered.

Looking downward got his plate and groaning in annoyance instead, he murmured, "Just shut up and eat your sandwiches."

But Ruby was finally sighing with relief, going back to her sandwich. She assumed that Winter had stopped taunting her, thinking she realised how mean it really was in front of people. That she had enjoyed her revenge.

"Aww, it's okay," Blake was murmuring to Sun very gently, petting his shoulder to soothe him. "But Winter is right in this case; we were just talking about pets. No big deal."

"And a well cared for pet is a happy pet," Winter went on, as her foot resumed its upward progress - this time, starting at the knee and working inward. "Don't worry, I've done a lot of pet-sitting in my time."

"Oh really?” Yang put in. “We'll have to get you to cat-sit Xu-Xu for us, Winter. See, we wanted to take Fènleng to Disneyland sometime soon-"

Yang was immediately cut off by Neon. "Kids her age can barely go on anything!"

"Who said it was just for her?"

But the host's little sister was distracted once more. Forced to release the sandwich which dropped to her plate, she froze up once again. Winter was continuing to wind her up in plain sight. She only hoped that no one was going to notice, somehow.

"Wouldn't mind it a bit," she was saying serenely while pushing her foot further and further between Ruby's thighs, underneath the meager protection her skit offered. "Though Neon does have a point. It might be more fun if you leave Fèn with one of us and just go to Disney yourselves."

"I could never do that!" Weiss gasped out, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder for emphasis. "My little girl, alone, for days at a time?!"

"Babe, didn't you wanna go back on tour for a couple of months next year, though?" Yang laughed. Looking back to Neon and Winter, she smiled. "For her, it would mainly be for pictures. We wanna build lots of memories and make some scrapbooks and stuff. You know, stuff to embarrass her with in front of her friends, or when she brings a date home."

Once the foot pressed home beneath the skirt, however, there was a harsh thud at the table from where Ruby jumped in surprise, knees impacting with the surface above. Either way, it got quite a bit of attention - the opposite of what she wanted. Already her cheeks were glowing.

It was remarkable how real the look of confusion and concern on Winter's face was as she asked, "Are you alright?" Even as the toes resumed their progress, getting so close to the mark again, she was laying her palms on either side of her plate, as if pretending she was about to stand.

"I-I… U-Uh…" By now, Ruby could feel her right up against her panties, pressing inward and taunting her fragile flesh. How was she supposed to respond to that with everyone looking? She didn't have as much self-control as Winter did!

There was nothing else for it. As much as she didn't want to give up and accept her fate, she found herself having to move her chair back slightly. He blush was completely red, enough to give Winter a big enough hint that her efforts were not fruitless. Once out of the foot's reach, she shot an apologetic look over toward Weiss.

"S-sorry, just need the bathroom. Where, uh, was it again?"

"There's one right here on this floor," Weiss said in some confusion. "And downstairs and upstairs, of course. You've been here before, haven't you?"

"Y-yeah… I… Sorry, I forgot. I'm being dumb. E-excuse me!"

And barely even managing to tuck her skirt back down in time, Ruby dashed away from her chair and straight to the bathroom, leaving their guests very confused. Winter had to play it cool. Even with the guilty thrill that shot into her stomach, she had to at least pretend that she had no idea that anything was wrong with Ruby. However, after a full minute had passed, she withdrew her phone from her bosom and sent a quick message.

R u ok?

"Your sister's kinda crazy, Yang." Neon was heard commenting as she went to grab more tuna sandwiches.

"Yeah, but at least she's in better moods now." Yang admitted, looking toward the eldest Schnee with a bright smile. "We got Winter to thank for that."

But after a short moment, there was a buzz through to Winter's phone. A message back.

Fine! I guess I deserved that. But I knew I was gonna end up moaning so I had to leave quick! D:

"Oh, I just… did what I could," Winter said evasively as she began to type back.

You could have stopped me and said it was too much, I just thought it would be fun ; ) I'll help you moan more later

"My sister's so modest," Weiss said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. But she was smirking. "She's so good at reassuring people. The same sister who once convinced me that if I ate a caterpillar, I would have a literal butterfly in my stomach."

"That was ONE time!" Winter said in exasperation as she laid her phone down to take a drink of water. "And I was five, you can hardly blame me!"

While everyone chuckled, Weiss said, "Can't I?"

"Oh, that's bush league compared to the stuff I did." Yang laughed, holding up the hand with her sandwich to gesture along with her story. "When we had our first dog, Ein, Ruby would always try and run around on all fours like him. I told her if she did absolutely everything a dog does, she would be able to turn into one."

"Oh my God, please tell me she didn't whiz on any fire hydrants!" Sun was already laughing halfway through Yang's story, but then came another vibration from Winter's phone.

Honestly I haven't felt up to doing anything so long it's so tempting just to go to town on myself in here o//o

"Nothing like that!" Yang could be heard continuing. "But I looked away for two minutes, then suddenly both Ein and Ruby are rolling in a pool of mud! Dad was so pissed when we got home!"

With a knowing glint in her eye, Blake said in a deceptively-casual tone, "Wow, maybe you should look after Ruby when you look after Xu-Xu, Winter."

"Oh? Oh, I- perhaps so!" Now Winter could feel her own desires returning, but she was well practiced at maintaining a façade; no one else would know she was turned on. Even as she began to casually type…

Not yet. Please? I want to help more… directly. Tell me where to meet u

Here? Really???

But Yang quickly gave Blake a rather playful glare. She might have been oblivious to what Blake was talking about, but assumed it was something else instead. "What are you saying, my sister's a furry or something? Gross."

Another vibration. Ruby had added to her last reply before Winter could type her own: My car.

"Nothing against furries, but if she likes rolling around in the dirt, might be better to have someone putting her on a leash." Again, Blake glanced at Winter with a smirk.

"Well, I think this conversation is taking a turn for the strange," Weiss observed as she reached for another handful of chips to add to her plate. "My sister walking my sister-in-law like a dog! You're weird, Blake."

"Weird, yeah," Blake was muttering while Winter replied to her texts.

Slip out the back and around the house, I'll excuse myself when I can

"Some people are into that," Neon spoke up with a small smirk. In fact, she looked toward not only Weiss who started the conversation, but also occasionally to the woman sat opposite her. The ever-silent Inu.

"For real? People get off on being treated like a dog?" But the more Yang commented on it, the shorter Inu seemed to become as she sank down in her seat, cheeks reddening. Contrary to what the three people at the table who had prior experience in the Clamp assumed, it seemed there was yet another who shared those sorts of interests among them!

But Winter would have to miss that conversation if it went on. She had just received another message:

I'll text Weiss just to tell her I'll be on the phone. Should buy us enough time. I'm headed to the car now, don't keep me waiting or I'll have to start without you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Feeling her heart speed up into her throat, Winter let out a long, beleaguered sigh. Then she texted back a simple “Ok, be there soon” before pushing her chair back, finally putting on the shoe she had dislodged to tease her poor sub.

"I am sorry, I have to take this after all; some business can't wait. Don't worry, I'll just nip out front and take care of it. Excuse me."

But Blake's amber eyes were focused entirely on Winter as she stood. "Well, have fun." It was said flippantly, as if she were being sarcastic, but they both knew she was serious.

"Hurry back!" Weiss bade her as she strode from the table and out the front door. "All this food isn't going to eat itself!"

Due to how much closer the front door was to the car than the back door, Winter actually made it outside first. Therefore, she spent the time slipping off her cardigan and draping it over one arm, strolling lazily toward Ruby's car. Her heart was pounding with excitement, but she didn't dare show it. Not when there was a slim chance someone might glance out the foyer window and spot her dancing like a giddy schoolgirl.

Before Ruby was in sight, the car could be heard unlocking as the lights flashed. Then came one more vibration from the phone.

Just getting my shoes. Get in, seats can be lowered and there's a blanket in the back, be two seconds ; )

Winter blinked down at the message, then pulled the door handle, sliding into the passenger's side. As she closed the door, she began to message back - because it had to be asked.

Where were your shoes before??

I took them off when I first came over. She always keeps the garden clean so I never bothered to put them back on!

But finally, Ruby was in sight walking around the building. She had managed to avoid the gaze of the other guests as she made her way to the car. But just before she got there, she sent one last teasing text.

Surprised you didn't notice actually ; )))))

Biting her lip, Winter wrapped her phone in her cardigan and put it in the back seat, then grabbed the blanket to pull over herself. She waited until the driver's side door opened before she spoke.

"I had other worries on my mind. But… now that you mention it, I do seem to remember spotting some cute little piggies dancing along the floor…"

Quickly shutting the door behind her and locking it, Ruby grinned just as giddily when she looked back to Winter. She could barely even contain herself as she lowered her seat, attempting to create a more comfortable area for their activities.

"I wasn't thinking about it! Not till you started teasing me with yours. You total asshole, by the way!"

"Just thought I'd pay you back," she said with a grin, sliding the blanket so that she could throw it over Ruby, as well. "A little. Not really make you too uncomfortable - at least, I hope I didn't."

"No, it didn't," she assured her. It wouldn’t do to wound their barely-established relationship with misunderstandings. Scootching slightly toward Winter, she shuffled off her own jacket, tossing it to one side. Then started to undo one or two buttons to give Winter more of a view. "Like I said… I'm just so pent up you were about to make me lose my cool. So I'd rather you do that here, in private."

Now that she had been reassured, it seemed Winter wasn't above more teasing. As she watched the buttons open, she muttered, "Didn't want to let on to your big sister that you were all hot and bothered? I can imagine…"

It was certainly helping the situation, making her growl with desire as she felt deep heat brewing between her legs. But that need was becoming more of a priority than any small talk. It had been too long; not only had she enjoyed no sexual contact with Penny since that time in the car, but she had felt no motivation to take care of her urges on her own. But now that they were back with a passion, all she could do was look her dead in the eye.

"Quit teasing me and make me scream already."

As Winter's smile slowly began to fade, she reached over and grasped Ruby, pulling her across the space to lay atop her. A shoe clattered to the floor while she ran her hands up and down her sides, over her hindquarters.

"Ruby, I missed you so fucking much," she growled needily, past the point of caring how it sounded. Her hands were already gouging into the backs of the girl's thighs, digging in as they worked their way closer to her centre.

Several shaky gasps fell from from the younger woman’s lips. Still wearing an elated smile, instinct was already starting to take over. No longer did she care about their sub or Dom roles; this time, it was a case of doing whatever each of them wanted, trusting their intuition. Already Ruby felt her hips pushing forward against Winter's needily, desperate to get anything she could of her and push back against those hands in addition. Her arms wrapped around Winter's shoulders, keeping her close as she pressed her forehead against hers.

"I missed you, too." A hand dived into her hair. "I'm so happy you're here."

"I know how we started," Winter began as one hand slid around Ruby's hip to begin hiking up her skirt, to rub against her through the thin material of her underwear. "But now it's so much more than just training you. I… I have thought about you every single day since the last time we saw each other!"

"Nhhh! God, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!" Already she was so warm – and all over! No doubt Winter would be able to feel just how wet she had been, it was soaking her undies already. Looking her dead in he eye, she whispered, "So what are you waiting for? Fuck me." And without hesitating any longer, she crashed her lips up against Winter's.

As she kissed back, harder than ever before, Winter wasted no time. Ordinarily, her hands would have been doing a thousand things, taunting flesh and ghosting up thighs. In this instance, she jerked the crotch of Ruby's soft cotton panties aside and began to rub up and down her dripping folds, fingers moving with practiced ease.

Finally, Ruby could do just as she wanted to in the presence of everyone in that room. And she didn't hold back, moaning contentedly into their kiss as she continued to thrust her hips forward into the slender fingers. Even if she was glad they could do as they wanted, Ruby was able to come up with one downside to their impromptu session: they didn't have an artillery of Winter's wonderful toys to use. If only they had somehow anticipated this reconciliation.

Not that she was complaining. Slender fingers would be able to bring her to just as satisfying a finish. She knew that deep down. And she was so desperate for it she couldn't hold back any of the needy thrusts.

Clearly, the girl was ready for more. Not wanting to be conspicuously gone any longer than they had to be, she plunged her middle finger straight into Ruby, curling in with great relish as her tongue began to do the same with the beautiful mouth atop her own.

"HMMMHH!"

What a loud and needy sound that fell into Winter's mouth. Yesss, that’s the spot right there, Ruby thought. She continued to push herself forward against Winter's hand while she worked at that sensitive spot inside, feeling the slender and thin finger buried inside her. But one wasn't enough. Oh no. To be truly satisfied, she needed more than that. Ruby’s hand dove down toward where Winter was working and tapping at one of her other fingers with hers lightly. Just enough to give an undoubtable hint.

But it seemed that even now, Winter couldn't be satisfied with doing this the usual way. Pausing their kiss, she panted, "You want another? Go ahead. Add another." As she said this, she switched from middle to index, pushing the rest of her hand as far out of Ruby's way as she could manage.

Trying to keep her volume down by habit, she looked down at Winter wide eyed. That wasn't something she had heard of before; born of them working together to push her to orgasm. But the way Winter was so casual about it excited her so much! It was worth a try. Holding her hand right beside Winter's, she pushed a finger inside, trusting Winter to follow.

She did, keeping pace with the entry. Of course, it wasn't quite so easy to pull off as only one of them using two fingers, but it turned out to be just doable. Having two hands in such an area forced Ruby's legs further apart, but she was young and flexible; it wasn't impossible.

"Oooh," Winter cooed as she felt a foreign digit sliding over her own, both of them buried deep in the waiting sex. "How does that feel?"

For some reason, this made Ruby shudder even more. It was one thing not to be fully in control, it was another to hand it completely over. But to share? How many times has Winter done this with others, she wondered… "S-so good…" she breathed needily, even pushing herself up against the hands right at her welcoming warmth, trying to welcome them further in.

"Yeah?" Panting heatedly, she began to move her finger at the same time as Ruby's - but she couldn't quite get the rhythm. That seemed to make her partner undulate and buck even more than she would have done under ordinary circumstances. "Mmm, you look like you're losing yourself in it… I hope it's in the best of ways."

"Nnhhhh, yeah, it d-definitely is," she assured her, holding still for a moment as she tried to sync herself up with Winter's hand. Each time it wasn't quite matched, she shuddered a little more, even squealed on top of things on occasion. She could feel her toes beginning to curl in her shoes already. Why didn't she get off inside? It would have made things more of a challenge, at least.

Winter's lips found their way to Ruby's neck as she felt her began to buck atop her, as she tried to curl at the same speed. She was also just able to get her thumb right up against her clit as she did so, hoping the slight friction from their movements would be enough to help send her into the stratosphere sooner rather than later.

Continuing to buck and twitch as her neck was kissed, the moaning was unfortunately increasing in volume. She couldn't help it one bit, it was such a strange sensation! At times when Winter would curl her finger, Ruby would in another direction, which made her feel her inner walls very slightly stretched out. That was more filling than anything. She could feel her heart beginning to race as she grasped Winter's shirt with her spare hand, and felt the few stray quivers that informed her it wouldn’t be long now.

"C-close… I-I'm close already! F-fuck! What are you doing to me?!"

"Let it happen! Oh God, Ruby - you sound so good!" Winter flexed her finger faster than ever, inwardly loving the feeling of Ruby's sliding over hers; it felt so foreign and new, added an intriguing dimension for her. Clearly, it was doing way more than for the smaller woman atop her. "Cum for me! Cum hard for me, Lady!"

God had she missed that petname. Finally, she was pushed over the edge. When Winter curled her finger one more time, and she did too, she felt them hit that sweet spot just right. That in addition to Winter's play with her clit, and she was done for. Shuddering on top of her, “Lady” moaned one more time as loud as she was able, feeling her inner walls clenching around the digits inside her. She felt her fluids getting out of control again, sprinkling Winter's leg and the seat very slightly.

But they had done it. In the car, at WEISS’S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

"Ohhh, wow," Winter breathed, gazing up at hey affectionately. "I wasn't thinking about your ejaculation problem. But… it's so hot…" Drawing away, she left a light kiss on her lips. "You'll never know how much I missed that these past few months."

For a moment, she just lay on top of Winter's front, gasping for breath and smiling with glee as she gradually came down from her high. That was something she missed for a long while. It felt like a relief to regain waht they had lost. But they were still on the clock. After a minute, she was pulling out her own and Winter's finger so she could descend. "Your turn."

"Oh… oh, that isn't necessary, Ruby," she told her earnestly as she watched the girl sink to the floorboard. "I just wanted to follow through on what I promised at the dinner table. You don't have to…"

But already Ruby was crammed into the footwell of the passenger seat. She still made sure the blanket was covering her up, but she began to brush her hands up and down Winter's thighs needily. While Ruby first needed to get off, she needed Winter as well. She needed to be the one to hear her moan again. Hitching up her skirt with each brush, she smirked.

"But I didn't get to eat yet."

While watching her down there, Winter couldn't help but sigh and smile gently at the face between her knees. After a beat, she whispered to her, "You're the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

"Hmm… Nope!" Without elaborating, she made sure to tuck the blanket over them both to keep the area covered. Anything else, Winter would just have to feel. And first thing was first, she would kiss the insides of her thighs, making her way upward toward her underwear rather quickly. While she knew Winter needed the teasing, they had a limited time-window.

And the elder woman didn't waste any time in allowing her eyes to close, to relax into the gentle motions. She was going to enjoy it, of course, but if she fought against the tiny ripples of pleasure, it would take much longer than if she rode them out.

Lady managed to nudge aside her panties with her nose again. She had a feeling it would be preferred by Winter to do so, as a gentle reminder of their play from before. One that, since Yang mentioned the dog story, was starting to make sense why she enjoyed! She at first delivered a single, small kiss before she opened her mouth wider against the folds, and went in for the kill.

If the kiss had made her sigh, the actions that followed made her moan. Winter's legs raised up to drape over Ruby's back as she opened herself up to more stimulation, more attentions from the ravenous tongue of her lover.

Lover… The title sounded accurate now. Justified. Even the strange things they had put each other through, the worries and the uncertainty, hadn't been enough to stop them from being together. All she wanted was to see that through, to become one with the only person she had ever cared about beyond friendship. To see where things led.

And right now, they were leading further and further toward Winter's finish. That tongue hadn't lost its talent, and lapped at Winter's sex readily and needily. In particular, she focused on the clit, kissing it on occasion over and over again. But she knew to add more. And a hint of that was coming as she parted the lips further with her fingers, the other hand still stroking her inner thigh.

"Ohhh, yes," Winter panted obscenely, pushing a hand into the side of Ruby's head as her back arched very slightly. "Ruby, please - more! It feels so good, I can't help it, I n-need…"

Ruby would absolutely deliver more. Keeping the lips apart, she finally gave her what she craved. Aware it would be awkward for Winter to join her down there, she entered her body with two fingers. In unison with her licking, she pumped in and out of her body with them. All the while she was smirking as she listened to the sound of her new lover.

Her other partner in addition to Penny. It was a dream come true.

The fingers instantly had Winter screaming, curling her stomach as her hungry sex tried to clamp down on them, hold them inside. It hadn't been as long for Winter since she orgasmed, but it being Ruby was enough to get her within a hair's breadth very quickly. Her lips stretched wide and her head fell back completely as she let the feeling wash over her, as a few more good thrusts sent her spinning off into an explosion of pleasure unlike any she had enjoyed in months.

Though it wasn't just the swift orgasm that ended their spontaneous session. It was a small, but sharp knock on the car window. One that made Ruby's head jerk up from under the blanket.

What she saw was a freckle-cheeked ginger smiling in at them. No one else was standing outside her car, luckily enough; only Penny, looking pleased as could be to see her girlfriend. She waved, being that the windows were up and it would probably be hard to hear her through them.

"Holy shit Penny!" Eyes snapping wide open, Ruby was quick to remove her fingers from Winter's body and pull her panties back into place. Even if Penny couldn't hear them, she still waved back, talking nervously. "U-Um… Hi! I… I meant to message you about this!"

"What?" Penny called back. "Hi!"

"Oh shit," Winter was whispering, blinking at the redhead. Even though she was clearly in a good mood, she still felt awkward that there had been no time to discuss things with Penny directly… before such an unfortunate moment!

"U-Um… Uh…" There wasn't any way to talk to Penny without yelling aimlessly in the car ,or finding her keys to start the engine and roll the window down. Even if it wasn't the most convenient of moments, she couldn't let things slide without saying a word. Resigning to it, Ruby opened the door very slightly, just enough so Penny could hear her talk. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to… to walk up and… U-Uh…"

But Penny simply flung the door wide, squatted down and embraced her girlfriend, even having to crane around Winter's leg the way she did. The genuine warmth and affection in the action told Ruby that she wasn't doing it merely for show; she had just missed her that much.

"I love my parents, but I love you, too," she breathed into Ruby's sweat-dampened hair. "So good to be back."

"W-Wha?!" More shocked than anything at first, Ruby looked at Winter with a look of confusion for a moment, until she finally embraced Penny right back, locking her arms around Penny's shoulders. Although about to grasp her, she held back with one of the hands. Penny would not appreciate that on her back!

"Awww, I missed you, too! I'm just so sorry I couldn't tackle hug you or something! This is… is awkward."

Once Ruby said that, her partner drew back with a slight pinkness in her cheeks. From experience, she knew it was more that Penny was embarrassed than that she was "turned on," of course. "Right. Well, I saw you while I was walking up to the house. Luckily, Taiyang and Qrow didn't notice, so I told them I wanted to get something my suitcase." At last, she spared Winter a bashful glance. "Hello."

"G-good to see you," she murmured, her own face redder than either of the other two.

"Still, I did want to talk to you." Drawing back from their embrace, Ruby looked toward the emerald eyes she adored so much. And then to Winter, as well. The two women she loved, both in the same place. And oddly without a single hitch. How lucky she truly was to have them both, even if it was an awkward circumstance.

"Penny, I'm sorry I’ve been such a sad sack the past few months," she told her, partially explaining for her and Winter's benefit, especially with the next line. "It was my fault for not trying to solve this sooner and letting myself mope. Honestly, I don't know how either of you put up with me sometimes…"

Both of them moved to hug her, but Winter held back when she noticed Penny was doing the same. The latter said, "Sorry, you can go first if you want."

"No, it's… Penny, I'm sorry we haven't spoken properly about this before now." Her eyes flicked toward Ruby and back. "This is an unusual situation, but not unheard of. But clearly we both care very much about Ruby. So… well, it's her decision in the end, but it seems only honest for me to ask you directly, as well. Are you sure you don’t mind? Since you and she had the pre-existing relationship."

"And please don't make a choice solely because of me," Ruby insisted, making sure Penny was looking at her while she said it. Stroking her arm gently, she went on, "Because I want you to be happy, too. I need you to be happy. I don't want you to agree with this but be hating every moment of it."

"But I'm fine." When Ruby only kept looking at her in concern, she sighed and petted her neck. "Okay… I was upset when you first told me you wanted to start going to the club and trying things with other people. But not with you. I… was more frustrated with myself for not being enough for you. For not being wired the way that most people are and not being able to give you everything."

"But you give me everything I need!" She quickly took her hand – and then in addition, took Winter's. She simply made sure Winter's was the hand they'd been doing things with, just so it didn't disturb Penny. "You both do! I don't need sex at the end of the day. It's just… fun! Like going for a walk, or to a convention, it's not a need, it's… almost a hobby! What I need is what you both give me. Love and care, and good times. And that's what I have from you both. And I love you both for it!"

After a moment, Penny smiled and told her in a gentle voice, "I know. I got over that frustration pretty quickly; it was an emotional knee-jerk response. You being happy is a lot more important, and once I realized that you would be, and it wouldn't 'cost' me anything, the rest was pretty easy to process."

"You really don't mind?" Winter asked her, voice steady despite her obvious fear. "One hundred percent sure?"

"Not at all. You have treated Ruby well; even in the story she told me about your argument, I could tell you were very distressed about what she had done and who she had done it in front of. She never said you hit her, or called her a bad person; you were just upset and trying to handle those new feelings. And other than that one incident, she has never had a bad thing to say about you."

"And I kinda blamed myself more, anyway…" Ruby began to sit upright, adjusting her position for ease of movement for Winter. "Anyway… I guess we better head back inside. They'll be wondering where we are."

"Not just yet," Penny said. "Winter, come here a moment."

Bewildered, the taller woman leaned down, taking the moment to right her seat as she did so. It was going to squeeze Ruby a bit, but she was small enough so that she could still easily extract herself. "Yes? Oh!"

"I love you," Penny told her gently as she embraced her. "I have never hated or resented you. What you can do for Ruby is very important because she's important to me. So I don't want you worrying about me; I know you're going to keep treating her well, so I have no reason to be worried, either."

Smiling gratefully, Ruby looked back and forth between both her girlfriends. This was all she could ask for; her two favourite people being okay with one another's company. It would certainly make things easier. Giggling to herself, she suggested, "Maybe one day we can all have a cuddle pile. We’ll need a bigger bed, of course."

"You're welcome to move in with me," Winter told them easily. "Either to all sleep in the same bed, or I could convert my office. But I'm sure you'd rather have your own apartment."

"That would be preferable to me. Not saying we couldn't sleep over at your place." Penny drew back from the hug so she could lay one of her hands on Ruby's shoulder, even as the other remained on Winter's back. "On evenings when you two don't want to have sex, of course; I wouldn't want you worrying about what I'm going to do with myself while you do."

"Well first we'll need to tell dad." Finally getting out from the small space, Ruby took the blanket to finally clean her hand, passing it over to Winter for her to do the same once Penny had let go. "He'll probably be all weepy that his kids have finally left, but he'll help us move."

"Very true." Then Penny beamed at her, cheeks bunching. "Ohh, I'm so happy - you look so much more like yourself than you have the past months!"

Penny threw both arms around her and went in for a big, affectionate kiss. She kissed back gratefully, allowing a moment to open her mouth a little wider to kiss deeper. "MMM!" She suddenly pulled back before Penny went too far, laughing nervously. "That… uh… that’s not a good idea right now. W-we just…"

But the ginger was already smacking her lips in vague confusion. "Oh… right, now I remember what you were doing before I knocked. Well… I guess that's my fault for forgetting, isn't it?" Her cheeks were getting rosier, but her smile was no less satisfied at their circumstances. "Um… I hope she doesn't mind."

"Me?" Winter asked, smiling herself now. Even though it was odd knowing her essence was on this more-or-less stranger’s tongue now, it wasn’t exactly the first time that had happened. "No, not at all! Why should I mind? I just- well, if you're asexual, I didn't… that wouldn't have been something I wanted to happen. But if you're not upset about it, why should I be?"

"You don't taste that different from Ruby, really. No need to be worried." Then she turned back to Ruby and made an even bigger show of kissing her right on the mouth. "It's who I'm kissing that's important, not where their mouth has been. Unless it’s on someone who has been sick, because I don’t want to catch their germs."

Blushing rather deeply, Ruby smiled back at Penny bashfully. She always was able to leave her a giddy mess, even if it was through flattery.

But worried that they really would be missed if they stayed any longer, she finally made an effort to unfold herself from the car, soon followed by Winter. Penny and Ruby headed inside first to avoid suspicion. At least this way, she had the excuse that she was waiting for her when she left to go to the bathroom. Then a few minutes later came Winter, who had “just finished her business”. Yang slid Penny her diet-specific food, along with a few sandwiches and snacks for Ruby and Winter before Qrow and Taiyang could stuff their faces.

"Goodness, Winter, that took forever," Weiss observed from where she was showing one of the women from Fènleng's daycare a photo album. "Business or pleasure?"

"A little of both," she hedged. "How's the party going? Did you get everything you wanted?"

"I did! Thank you for the music box, I didn't know they sold them with any of my songs."

At that, Winter had to smile. "They don't; it was a custom job." God bless Etsy. When Weiss broke away from the other woman to give her a hug, she laughed and hugged back. "Happy birthday."

Smiling contentedly at them, Ruby mostly stood by Penny or hung back by herself, with the main people she knew all busy talking to other party guests. Still, it was the happiest she had felt in months. As she watched her lovers spending time with friends and family, she relaxed back against the wall with her punch. Everything was copacetic.

Until a hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey there, Red."

Nearly jumping out of her skin, Ruby looked straight around to the source. "U-uncle Qrow! Sorry, I forgot you were coming!"

Her uncle laughed confidently, lowering his hand as he stood to one side of her, also leaning back against the wall. "Yeah, Yang sorta insisted. And I kinda needed the day out. It's nice to see the inside of somewhere other than the same old same-old."

"Yeah. I can imagine…" Unable to help it, Ruby was already growing nervous again. She hadn't even discussed anything with Qrow since finding out his living situation – and more. She was too afraid to in case it made things awkward, and lead to awkward questions. But that wasn't helping here at all when she realised she had nothing to say.

But Qrow beat her to it. "So, you and Snowbird sorted things out yet?" When Ruby blinked up in surprise at him, Qrow cut her off before she could speak. "Yeah, I know. Not only did she talk about it, but I saw a beady li’l eye watch me head to my room. You've never been the sneakiest of kids, Ruby."

"Great," the redhead muttered in embarrassment. While looking down at the floor instead however, she did add, "But yes… we talked it out. A-and… it went really well. Everything’s cool."

"Good to hear." Taking a sip of his drink, he sighed easily. Never was one to have ruffled feathers. "Maybe this means she'll be less gloomy. I mean, I tried to cheer her up, but there was only so much I could do."

"Please don't tell me how." Closing her eyes tightly, she tried to push the mental image of her other girlfriend with her uncle back out of her mind. Nobody needed that in their life. "I-I know it was selfish of me… to get mad over such a dumb reason. I think it's because you're more or less a second dad to me."

"You got that right," he laughed. "But, yeah, I wouldn't wanna imagine my pa doing anything with my girl, either. And I guess that's what first came to mind for ya." Though after a while, he cleared his throat, looking with a contented smile toward her. "I really am happy for you both, though. Winter's a special gal, anyone could tell you that. And I can't think of a better match for her than you."

"Qrow…" Against her will, she could feel her eyes beginning to well up. She had expected the conversation to be awkward with him, especially since he clearly enjoyed Winter's company as well. Managing to hold them back, she nodded. "Thank you… I just hope I can do right by her and Penny. Gonna be interesting figuring it all out."

"Kid, you get two birthdays and two Christmas presents now. But I guess that goes both ways." Giving a small pat on her shoulder, he smirked. "Say bye bye to your money."

"Ah, but Ruby is my sub," Winter muttered as she snuck up behind them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Typically, I'll be buying her the gifts. And Qrow has seen the one you gave me hanging up in my 'special' closet."

"The one I-" Although immediately her eyes opened wide when she realised what that was, Qrow could only laugh at her reaction. “You put that on your wall?! But it was just a doodle!”

He mussed her hair slightly. "Don't look so shocked! When I first saw it, I thought she had it done by a professional. Had no idea it was you, squirt!"

Smiling gently, Winter leaned a little closer to Ruby, but still spoke in a tone they could both hear. "All teasing aside, it’s one of my favourite things. You’re really talented and I hope you keep it up."

Then, so quickly that none of the other guests would spot it, she left a tiny kiss behind Ruby's ear. But of course one did, and rolled his eyes. "God, you two, get a room. I'm gonna hang out with Tai and Jacques, see how they're getting along. Grumpy Old Men sequel over there. Take it easy."

And finally he left them on their own. Probably for the best, seeing as the smaller sub's cheeks were glowing red with their typical embarrassment. A side effect of all the affection she would have to get used to. The moment Qrow was well out of earshot, along with the rest of the party, Winter changed the subject.

"You're mine again. We'll have to think of some new fun things to do with you. How about… next time I take you for a walk at the Clamp, we see about slipping a pair of vibrating panties under your suit? Wouldn't that be fun?"

The blush only intensified even more at that idea. The walk alone was enough to do that! "Maybe…" She swallowed nervously. "It'd certainly be… interesting."

"Maybe we'll both wear a pair." Another furtive glance, and she ghosted a hand over Ruby's hind end. "The car was a preview of… coming attractions. There's a lot more in your future."

And with even more of a red blush, Ruby was beginning to sink further and further down the wall in embarrassment. She would be quite a sight for the rest of the evening, but didn't wish for anything else.

"I hope I can get used to this again…"

"Get used to what?" Penny asked as she walked up to them, sliding her hands around Ruby's waist and kissing her gently on the cheek. The action pushed Ruby's behind into Winter's hand again, which squeezed it very slightly.

Lady couldn't wish for anything more under the stars than surviving the embrace and love of her two favourite women. But clearly, history had proven she wasn't afraid to try.

= End =

= Stay Tuned for White Noise: Sister Midnight =

#Lady Stardust #ruby x winter #rwby smut #rwbyremnants #rwby fanfiction #nsfw-Text

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payaso-pastel · 5 years

Text

Spidersona Fact Dump + Dimension World Building

Been thinking about 'em lately. More specifically their dimension, so have my trash:

The state of their dimension is a result of a sort of super nuclear war with new found science. Some time has passed since and the world is getting better.

A lot of the fauna was affected, resulting in species so different they looked like something out of a fantasy book.

Normal animals are a rarity, and is illegal around the world to interact with them(some parts are more lenient than others). Many people turned to religions to try and solve their problems(famine, droughts, etc).

Places where weather was already pretty bad, are currently uninhabitable (basically, the Sahara dessert is just a ocean of lava and Antartica is a large piece of dry ice).

A lot of people were affected too, resulting with many having traits of animals and even some objects. Though, when this happens, people become in some way disabled(mentally and/or physically). They're also currently a minority, so the hate against them is still fairly strong.

The science in this world is much more like magic than anything

Europe is considered to be the best place to live in, since a lot of the world's resources(electricity, food, gas, even water) come from there. It's also VERY large

Various things were abolished in the aftermath of the nuclear war. Capitalism, health care(more specifically that thing where you have to pay thousands of dollars to get treatment), usual educational systems, and things like that aren't a thing anymore, as they can no longer prosper in these conditions. Billionaires are also the smallest class, and most of them tend to be philanthropists. In these trying times, no one can really afford to tend to just themselves. That would result in planetary suicide.

There's a sort of system to recognizing dangerous creatures. From 1-10, 1 being enough to cause a small ruckus and 10 being big enough to destroy at least half the planet.

In schools, from kindergarten to college(which is free, by the way), they are taught what is really essential. What to do in case a creature attacks, how to cook, how to conserve money, etc. Things you'll most likely use in the future. History, english, and math is thrown into the mix too. Later, you can choose more 'pointless' (note the quotation marks) things later, like art and music.

A lot of older music and stuff like that is being brought back, mainly for the older memories of simpler times

Many heroes of the OG MCU have changed with the world. The ones who were outside of the world before the war(Thor, the Guardians of the Galaxy, etc.) Have not changed

Now, some stuff with Spiderish:

Spiderish was born shortly after the war, and had to move elsewhere in order to avoid the worst of it. After hearing good things about it, her parents went to Japan

Her real name is Bonnibelle Marcos. She prefers to just go by 'Buni', as she doesn't particularly like how her full first name sounds.

She lives with her Aunt May. She was her dad's brother's wife. Aunt May is a Asian woman that works full time at a restaurant she owns herself. She was originally married to her uncle, until he passed away (and realized she wasn't into men). She took in Spiderish after the incident, and does what she can to raise her right.

Spiderish's cat, Noodle(who is most likely getting a redesign(thinkin' about making him a sphinx, thoughts?), can physically speak. He's fairly sassy and sarcastic, but he'll be up for pets and cuddling if tuna is offered.

She often tries to hide how she looks with makeup and such

Spiderish likes to collect a lot of things from the past, like records, music, and clothing. She'll even pick up old phrases and sayings because they sound cool

The police isn't exactly fond of her, but she makes their work easier

She has a YouTube channel as her hero self. She posts things like 'tips on what to do if someone pulls a knife on you' and stunts she tries. Some videos on Noodle are also there. It has like twenty followers

She can teleport anywhere within her field of vision. Her goggles help her already terrible vision and improve it, thus allowing her to teleport. It's also a regular occurrence to make teleports without meaning to(don't you just hate it when your claws randomly get stuck in reality?)

All of her senses are enhanced. She doesn't like yelling, and likes to play with things like slime, bubble wrap, and reversible sequins for this reason

Get her a tub of cloud slime she she'll be your best friend

May or may not have tried to eat glow sticks

She meets the others by chance. She was fighting a category 4 monster when she crashed into Miles's dimension. And from then on she hangs out with him and the others

#into the spiderverse #miles morrales #(mentioned)#spidersona #spiderish #noodle #world building #earth DEG789 #DEG stands for don't eat glowsticks #789 is based off that one numerical 2nd grade joke #i dunno i might change it later #long post #i didn't realize it was so long #my apologies

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overanalyzingelswordiswhatido · 5 years

Text

A Terrible Babysitter Chapter 6

“Elesis, what are you doing?” Add asked. He set down the grocery bag with the replacement energy drinks and another bag of chocolate on the table. He crossed the room to stand next to her, Elsword and Ara.

Elesis beamed up at him, “I’m teaching Ara how to punch people!”

“Properly!” Elsword added excitedly.

Add stared at them blankly for a moment. Finally he just sighed, “Just… No.”

“Just know? What am I supposed to just know?” Elesis cocked her head to the side in bewilderment.

Add rubbed his temples. He shook his head, “Whatever. Have fun. Don’t kill anyone.” Before he took a single step a clang rang through the house. Screams erupted from the kitchen followed almost immediately by the smoke alarms’ incessant screeching. When he arrived at the archway into the kitchen, he saw Rena extinguishing a fire. Lu cackled nearby while Chung and Ciel both watched Rena with wide anxious eyes.

“What happened?!” Add demanded. The oven door hung open and a scorched husk was stuck to a cookie sheet lying on the floor.

“We tried to heat up the pizza but it caught fire instead,” Chung explained quietly.

Add pulled up a screen and used Dynamo to shut off the smoke alarms. He stalked into the kitchen and closed the oven door. The oven was set to 450 degrees when he turned it off.

“We put it out…” Rena pointed out anxiously.

“Why couldn’t you just eat the pizza cold?” Add demanded. He picked up the cookie sheet, ignoring the burning sensation that ripped through his hand to the best of his ability, and tossed it onto the back of the stove. A black rectangle shaped scorch mark marred the linoleum floor.

“It’s pizza,” Rena commented neutrally. “It’s not supposed to be cold.”

“It’s a fucking lunchable,” Add countered. “Those don’t go in the oven, certainly not at 450 degrees.” He shook out his hand and noted to himself he needed to deal with that later.

“But the cheese won’t be melted,” Lu argued.

“Melted cheese doesn’t make it pizza,” Add snapped. “Just eat it cold next time.”

“Sorry,” Chung looked down, clearly ashamed.

Rena and Ciel nodded and Rena repeated Chung’s apology. “The big pizzas in the freezer cook at 450 so we just thought it would work for the little ones too…” the elf explained.

Well now there’s a scorch mark on the floor. Add pressed his lips together. Lu still glared at him defiantly and he didn’t feel like arguing with her. He sighed and tried to sound calm, “Eat it cold next time. It’s not the end of the world.”

It didn’t take long for Add to notice that after everything with the oven all of the kids were oddly quiet and well behaved. Ara sat at the table, using the book she bought the day before to try and fold something other than a paper crane. Over time the others joined her, asking about it.

“I can teach you!” Ara offered excitedly, “And we can all learn to fold stuff together!”

“Ooo okay!” Lu grinned.

Eve looked at Add, “We don’t have enough spare paper for that.”

Add reluctantly got up, “I can go get some then.”

“Can I come?!” Ciel asked. He leaped to his feet, “I promise I’ll be good!”

Add hesitated, waiting for the others to demand to go. Surprisingly, only Chung voiced as much. With a sigh, Add agreed, “Fine. You two can come along.”

“You guys should get cookies!” Lu suggested immediately.

“And juice!” Rena added.

“Paper, juice, and cookies.” Add ran his hands down his face, trying to ignore the exhaustion dragging at his limbs.

“And food for Snowball and Sunshine,” Rose added. “We’re running low on tuna since the, uh… science experiment. That you got mad at us for.”

Add frowned. Of course he got mad at them for that. Mixing every food in the house wasn’t a science experiment. It was just a waste of food. He didn’t have enough energy to get worked up over that again though. “Right. Tuna, paper, cookies, juice.” With a glance at Chung and Ciel to make sure they were ready to go he walked out to the store.

Chung hurried after Add and grabbed his hand while Ciel half skipped on his other side.

“Why kind of juice should we get?” Chung asked.

“We probably should’ve asked before we left…” Ciel pointed out.

“Well we’ve already left so we’ll just have to figure it out,” Add reasoned. He was not going back to the house only to have to deal with them fighting over which juice they wanted.

“Oh no. We don’t know what kind of cookies to get either!”

“We’ll just get one container of each kind of cookie and call it a good day,” Add assured Chung. If there weren’t so many different kinds of juice they could do the same with that. He sighed, “What’s your guys’ favorite juices?”

“I like apple juice a lot,” Chung answered almost immediately.

Ciel took a moment to think before he gave his answer, “I like fruit punch.”

“And orange juice!” Chung added.

Ciel nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah! Orange juice!”

“So… we’ll just get orange juice, apple juice, and fruit punch,” Add decided. If any of the others didn’t like it they would have to deal. They didn’t come along with him to the store, so they didn’t get to choose. He grabbed an energy drink as they were finishing up.

“Can I carry the paper?” Ciel asked.

“Sure,” Add answered. He held the bag out to the half demon, “It’s kinda heavy.”

“I’ll carry the tuna!” Chung offered. He grabbed the bag holding the cans and held on to it with both hands.

Add glanced at him. He shrugged, “If those get to heavy for either of you, you can put it on Dynamo.” He put the other bags on Dynamo but carried his drink so he could pop it open the moment they left they store.

When they got back, Elesis, Raven, Rose and Elsword were in the process of moving the furniture around to make room for them to all sit in a circle in the middle of the room. Ara stood beaming in the corner with her origami book held close to her chest. Aisha stood next to her, nose deep in her own book. Lu sat on Eve’s shoulders while the nasod split the snacks that were still in the house evenly so Ain and Rena could set them up in a circle.

“You’re back!” Lu noticed them first.

“Bring the cookies here,” Eve ordered.

Ciel set the paper down where he stood to grab the cookies. He hurried across the room and set them down in front of her.

“Give me the tuna and take Eve the juice,” Add told Chung, holding out his hand.

Chung grunted as he lifted the bag full of cans up to Add’s hand. Once he was free of them he took the juice to Eve, mimicking Ciel’s enthusiasm.

Add took the tuna into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter. At the sound, Snowball, the more social of the two cats, sprinted into the kitchen and leaped to the counter. She skidded along it, straight into the sink. Her back paws landed in a bowl half full of water and she leaped back on the counter, shaking out her wet paws in disgust.

Add chuckled and petted her before grabbing a plate for her to eat off of. That was when Sunshine, a golden cat with sleek short fur, trotted calmly into the kitchen. She leaped onto the counter and sat on the edge, much more dignified than the other cat. He grabbed her a plate as well and served the cats their dinner. After feeding them, he sat down at the table and stared into space, trying hard not to doze off.

“It’s dinnertime now!” Elesis’s voice jerked him out of his thoughts.

Add jumped and looked at her. He sighed, “Okay, so get something to eat. There’s plenty of stuff.”

“You aren’t gonna make something?!” Elesis whined.

Add shook his head, “No.”

“Not even something simple?”

“No.”

“But I want to help you make dinner!”

“You always want to help make dinner but I’m not cooking.” Add motioned to the kitchen, “There’s lunchables and cereal and other simple stuff like that you can get yourselves.”

Elesis was undoubtedly upset with him again. She kept shooting glares and muttering mutinous comments. Halfway through finishing her dinner, she spoke loudly enough he could hear, “Lunchables don’t count as dinner.”

Add shrugged, “They do in this house.”

“They aren’t even real food,” Rena complained.

Add looked at her silently for a moment. He waved his hand dismissively, “There should be carrots or something in the fridge if you would prefer.”

“Ew,” Rena shook her head adamantly, “Carrots are disgusting!”

Add almost laughed. Who knew Rena didn’t like carrots? As an adult she seemed fond enough of using them as ingredients. “Then stop complaining and eat your lunchable.”

After dinner Add stared at the sink full of dishes. He glanced at the dishwasher and debated leaving the dishes for another day. Then again, just earlier that day, he caught Snowball drinking week old water from one of the bowls in the sink instead of her perfectly clean water bowl. He really needed to clean the dishes before the dumbass cat managed to poison herself. Grumbling and complaining under his breath, he opened the dishwasher. He glanced around the kitchen. His eyes narrowed and he muttered, “I don’t even know where anything fucking goes in this stupid place.” With a shrug he reasoned he could just estimate and Rena or Ciel would fix it when they got back to normal.

When Add was done he sat on the couch and pulled one of his knees up to his chest. He watched the kids fight with the paper shapes they were trying to make until his exhaustion overtook him and everything faded away.

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thetirisfaltheatretroupe · 5 years

Text

[Script Archive] Hellthreequel: The Third One

<<The following is a play that has been retired from the Tirisfal Theatre’s library, and will only reoccur for private events for the foreseeable future. This script has been placed here so that those who enjoyed the play or wish to perform it themselves may do so. Credit for this comedic performance goes to the Tirisfal Theatre Troupe>>

<CAST: Garrosh Hellscream, Wrathion, Kairozdormu, Grom Hellscream, Kargath Bladefist, Durotan, Blackhand, Ner’zhul, Kil’rogg Deadeye, Gul'dan, Mar’gok’s Emissary>

[Thrall]: Hellscream… <he shakes his head.> If ever there was a greater mistake for a Warchief, I cannot possibly think of it.

He escaped justice in Pandaria and fled to an alternate reality, where he was eventually found building an army from the Horde of the past in a land my people.. thought they would never see again.

Yet.. was it fate, I wonder, that brought him down before this army could do any real damage?

Or was it just that they were all so very -stupid-?

Ladies and gentlemen, the final chapter in the Hellsqueal trilogy: Hellthreequel: The Third One! Enjoy!

<The scene opens with Garrosh and Kairoz arriving in a ‘flash of light’ to Nagrand’> <NOTE: Invisibility potion before entering the stage, get in position, and as soon as said ‘flash’ effect happens, cancel the invisibility buff and begin> [Wrathion]: BEHOLD! What our discoveries upon the Timeless Isle have yielded! Through the chaos of the twisting nether, we have warped time and space itself, and created a branch on the tree of time that bore fruit! This fruit…DRAENOR! Uncorrupted. Untainted! Ripe with a powerful race of orcish legends to face off against the Burning Legion itself! [Garrosh]: <scratches his head> Wait a sec, who the Thok are you?

[Wrathion]: Why, I am the one who DOUBTLESSLY crafted this ingenious plan to spirit you away to this alternate timeline! Son of Deathwing and SAVIOR of Azeroth!

Your military charisma will sow the seeds of a grand new Horde! One that will surely be strong enough to square off against the Burning Legion!

[Garrosh]: …so we’re planting a garden? [Kairoz]: <turns to Wrathion> I hate you so very, very much for this. [Wrathion]: Oh what, you think you could come up with a better plan? [Kairoz]: Actually, yeah. I do. Because you’re incompetent. And he’s incompetent. [Garrosh]: Actually, I’m just hungry. This wobbly wibbly wimey timey stuff is murder on the old gut – got anything to eat? Not big on fruit.

[Wrathion]: Look, maybe Garrosh has a point here, Kairoz. Perhaps we are all simply…hungry.

Yes. I’ll go and get us something to eat, then we can discuss our plan over our meal and a game of charades. Won’t that be FUN? [Kairoz]: It’s really difficult to take the son of Deathwing the Destroyer seriously when your voice cracks that high. [Wrathion]: I’ll just…<points off stage> Go grab us some sandwiches or something… You two have at it for a bit. <walks off stage, sulking> [Kairoz]: <turns to Garrosh> Alright, punk. Listen up. You’re obviously an idiot and a blow hard who can’t be reasoned with. But I need you to throw a wrench into Wrathion’s plan. [Garrosh]: Well, I mean…I guess I could. Only problem is uh…

[Kairoz]: <raises an eyebrow> Well? What seems to be your malfunction, Hellsqueek?

[Garrosh]: Hey, that’s Hellsqueal…I mean Scream! [Kairoz]: And that’s the title drop.

[Garrosh]: Whoa whoa, leave the fourth wall alone! It’s been through enough! [Kairoz]: Answer my question already. What is your issue with me? [Garrosh]: </rudes> Well, I just don’t like your FACE! [Kairoz]: The feeling is mutual, Hellmoan. But I have an idea that I think will work out better than Wrathion’s. Best part is, it’s something even you can’t screw up, BECAUSE it involves you screwing up! Would you be interested? [Garrosh]: Hrm…screwing things up IS what I do best. And momma Hellscream always told me to stick to what you know. What the Thok, I’ll do it!

[Kairoz]: Grand. All you need to do, is deliver a very important message to your father, Grom Hellscream. I-- [Garrosh]: My father? <sobs> MY FATHER IS DEEEEAD! WAH HAH HAH! [Kairoz]: No, no he’s not. Not in this era. [Garrosh]: Wait, huh? Daddy lives?! OH! OH THAT’S GREAT!

We’re gonna go fishing, kick a few gnomes off of cliffs, we’re gonna go Mechano-hog riding, and then we can go to the Darkmoon Faire and ride the little sandbox tigers together! Ooooh, oh oh and camp the Darkmoon Deathmatch too! Oh this is gonna be a great day! [Kairoz]: No no, listen. You need to tell him that everyone on the other side of the Dark Portal is in cahoots with the Burning Legion.

[Garrosh]: Wait, so you’re telling me to tell my dad, who in this era is still a primitive orc from a time when we were neck deep in superstition and so easily fell for the Burning Legion’s lies that the entirety of Azeroth is the demons…

..thus throwing both worlds into an inter-dimensional and inter-space time conflict that could result in...

...thousands of pointless deaths on both sides, repeat the same shit that corrupted my people in the first place, and paint my father once more as a villain in the eyes of history? [Kairoz]: Um… well…yes. Actually. <clears his throat>

That was astonishingly well phrased, Hellmumble.

[Garrosh]: What was well phrased? [Kairoz]: What you just said. [Garrosh]: What did I just say? [Kairoz]: That…that bit about how you telling your father that they are agents of the legion is-- [Garrosh]: <breaks into sobs> DADDY IS DEEEEEAD! Wahaha! [Kairoz]: <sighs heavily> Look, we’re going full circle again. Are you in, or are you out? [Garrosh]: <sniffs and dries his tears> I’m in. [Kairoz]: Good, good. Then remember that no matter what Wrathion says, you’re still to-- [Garrosh]: <turns away> On second thought, I’m out. [Kairoz]: …okay then, perhaps you’d rather-- [Garrosh]: Nevermind, definitely in. <nods> [Kairoz]: Dammit, Garrosh, you’re not a freakin’ cat. [Garrosh]: Fine, fine. I’ll go along with your plan, Kel’thuzad. [Kairoz]: It’s…Kairoz. Kairozdormu. How did you get Kel’thuzad out of―nevermind. Alright, let’s shake on it. Put ‘er there. <holds out his hand> [Garrosh] Okay! <slams his axe into Kairoz’s chest> Oooh! OH! Oops, sorry, I thought you meant―ohhhh… [Kairoz]: You…freaking…nimrod… [Garrosh]: Oh sheesh, that’s a lot of blood. Oh um… Better uh…get out of here before that Wrathion kid comes back. Um…so yeah, we’ve got a deal and uh…take care of yourself. I gotta split.

[Kairoz]: UGggh…

[Garrosh]: UM! I MEAN! I have to cut this short―

[Kairoz]: Aggh…

[Garrosh]: WAIT NO! Let me just get to it, chop-chop-- [Kairoz]: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE! PLEASE! NO MORE PUNS! [Garrosh]: Sheesh, no wonder they axed your character so early. Alright, time to go get a slice of vengeance. <exits the stage> [Kairoz]: In my dying moments…what have I unleashed upon the universe? Am I but a cogwheel in the mechanisms of time, forever obscured and greyed upon the golden backdrop? Or did I serve as the spark that lit the flame? Time will tell. Time. Will. Tell. <dies> <Wrathion enters the stage with 2 hoagies in his hand> [Wrathion]: Alright, I was out of tuna, but I did manage some extra Elwynn ham while we were packing the picnic basket. Nothing says teamwork like a team lunch and― <he spots Kairoz’s corpse and drops the sandwiches> By my father’s monolithic chin! What the Thok happened here?!? <he looks side to side, shrugs, and stuffs Kairoz’s corpse in some bushes> Better get out of here, I am NOT going to be taking the fall for this one! <sneaks off stage> <END SCENE>

[Thrall]: Wrathion was never found. At least, I think.

Garrosh found himself in a strange and yet familiar world, where Draenor was whole, and yet nothing seemed the same as it were.

Thinking himself above Kairozdormu’s plans, he located the Warsong Clan, after stumbling stupidly in the wilderness for some time.

His… sense of direction was never the best... You could put him in a room and tell him to move forward and he'd probably fall straight into the ground instead.

Soon, he stood before Grommash Hellscream, the Chieftan of the Warsong Clan, and..

His own father. However, as he would soon learn, the strangest thing about this world..

Was yet to be revealed. <Thrall leaves. Next scene opens with Garrosh kneeling before Grom> [Garrosh]: Wha…huh? Where am I? I feel like we’re missing some context here. [Grom]: Well, stranger, to better explain your current situation, you um… kind of happened to burst into my Warsong War Tent, screaming something about your father, then you collapsed, woke up, and repeated the cycle. Twice. [Garrosh]: Huh? OH! Oh wait wait, Warsong? I’M Warsong! We’re totally like…family or something! [Grom]: Uh..wait, hold on a moment. I need to get my glasses. [Garrosh]: Glasses? [Grom]: Mhm. One moment. <Grom reaches into his loincloth and puts a monocle on>

There we are. Now I can see you perfectly. Ah, you have the markings of the Warsong upon you. That’s uh…very good. Very, very good. Now we can spare a few expenses with the cleanup since we don’t have to eviscerate you. <Grom turns and waves off stage> False alarm, boys. You can uh…put the mops away. <he returns his focus to Garrosh> Anyway, you’re no Warsong I’ve ever seen. Hrm. Hope you, ahem, have a good reason for being here. [Garrosh]: <rises> Hrm…uh…oh, I had something tell you. It was kind of important. OH! Right! Demons! [Grom]: Care to be a little more specific there? [Garrosh]: Yeah uh…demons and uh. Something about blood, and a really bad drink.

And then there’s this portal that…things come out of. Oh, and there’s this awesome planet called Azeroth that has like tons of resources and stuff you can take to empower the clans to fight against the demons. [Grom]: Hum. I can uh…tell you’re not exactly the…brightest of individuals, but let me see if I can piece together your story.

You’re telling me that there is another world inhabited by demons or demon associates, rich with resources and land, and to unite the clans in order to seize control of this world for the betterment of our people…

…and prepare for the possibility of an invasion from said demons? [Garrosh]: …wait is that what I said? [Grom]: And a bad drink. Well, Gul’dan did send me a missive about some kind of destiny earlier, perhaps that has something to do with him. We’ll deal with that later. Seems like we’ve got a bit of work to do. [Garrosh]: We do? [Grom]: You’re ...kind of a boneheaded little guy, aren’t you? If what you’re saying is true, and considering the chain of events that have unfolded recently, I’d say it’s time indeed to unite the clans.

I uh…have a job for you if you’re willing. [Garrosh]: <throws his hands in the air> Why does everyone want me to do jobs for them? Huh? What ever happened to people getting jobs from ME? [Grom]: I promise not to berate you on your enormous jaw line if you promise to stop whining. [Garrosh]: DEAL! [Grom]: Good. Then I need you to come with me. We’re going to gather the clans, starting with the Shattered Hand. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stands there and picks his nose> My jawline isn’t bad…it’s just big enough to block a few dozen arrows. [Grom]: You uh..might want to get your ass in gear. [Garrosh]: <grumbles> Coming! Sheesh, way you boss me around already you’d think you were my dad or something. <They leave, next scene starts> <The next scene begins narrated by the narrator. Grom and Garrosh approach a hut with Kargath Bladefist sitting in front of it. Thrall bows and begins narrating the scene> [Thrall]: And so it was, The grand idiot Hellscream and his father, whom he was too stupid to realize at the time was in fact his father, made their way to the home of legendary Kargath Bladefist.

Kargath was the most fierce gladiator of the Highmaul coliseum and chieftain of the Shattered Hand, a clan that was known to be...pretty savage. What Garrosh didn’t know was that this would be the beginning of a journey ridden with harsh trials, actual effort, and strange otherworldy accents. Hrm…why does that sound so familiar? <Narrator shrugs and leaves the stage> [Grom]: Alright, Garrosh. I’d like you to let me do the talking, if you don’t mind. [Garrosh]: Wait, then why did you even need me to come here? I could have been watching my goblin soaps―erm… I mean, crushing our enemies! [Grom]: That’s uh…well and good, but I need to be able to point to you when Kargath asks me who this prophet who informed me of this ‘Azeroth’ is. You understand. [Garrosh]: What’s an Azeroth? [Grom]: …I’m uh, just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume you hit your head as a child. [Garrosh]: Yeah, that’s probably for the best, not gonna lie. [Grom]: Hm. Well. Anyway. <turns to Kargath>

Lok’tar, chief of the fearsome Shattered Hand. I’ve come to you with dire news. Gul’dan plans to betray us at the summit. [Bladefist]: <grunts and rises to his feet, speaking in a deep, gravelly tone> Well that’s pretty Thokin’ savage of him. Just, y’know, not in the cool way.

Not surprised though, guys was always kinda a giant ogre sack. Uh…oh yeah, speaking of… who the hell is the walking phallus? <gestures to Garrosh> [Grom]: Oh, him. Uh. He’s the uh…prophet that came from another time and place to warn me of Gul’dan’s treachery. [Bladefist]: And you’re just gonna uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…roll with that, right? [Grom]: That would be the plan. Yes. [Bladefist]: <takes a deep breath> Yeaaaah I'm not gonna lie, this sounds like the kind of crap Ner’zhul would make up. Not really you, Grom, never really pegged ya for a uh… for an ordinary Grokoff like that. But hey, I’m always up to kick some ass. That’s doable. [Garrosh]: …hey uh…can I pull you aside real fast here? [Grom]: I’m kind of busy, Garrosh, can it wait?

[Garrosh]: NO! [Grom]: <sighs> One moment, Kargath. [Bladefist]: Naaah, it's whatever, not like I was doing anything with my day.

Hey, I’ll go get the rest of the guys while you deal with this giant clefthoof pile. We’ll all meet you at the Warsong place with that big ass campfire indoors, maybe dice up a coupla ogres and give it a paint job. <waves and walks off stage> [Grom]: Alright, what? [Garrosh]: So uh…not sure if you noticed. Really don’t want to alarm you but… [Grom]: But? [Garrosh]: <points in the direction Kargath walked in> That guy’s only got one arm. [Grom]: …yeah? [Garrosh]: It’s gross! In my Horde, we’d just execute the weak and injured who couldn’t fight to my standards. Well, that assumes I had standards, but…point stands. [Grom]: I uh…assure you, Garrosh, Kargath is definitely the kind of chief we would benefit from the favor of. That, and he’s a grand warrior, I can assure you. As for your ‘Horde’, well, I guess we can see why you’re here, now. There comes a time when we need to learn from our mistakes and iron them out. <turns away> Iron. Iron. Hm… Iron.

Horde. Iron Horde, okay, someone write that down. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stops in his tracks> …but…it was my idea. I should get to name it. <walks after him> <Scene ends> <The next scene opens with Garrosh and Grom gathered before all the Warlords> [Bladefist]: So I went out and gathered these Grokoffs while you two were busy makin’ out or something, buncha time wasting pieces of…pieces of shit. [Grom]: Good. That should allow us to get a start on the task at hand. Garrosh, I want you to meet my fellow chieftans. You already know Kargath. [Bladefist]: Bite me, gronn scrotum. [Grom]: Over here we have Chief Blackhand. He leads the Blackrock clan. [Blackhand]: Ands I haves the most sexiests accents of any orcs. [Garrosh]: …why does he sound like that goblin I ordered pandaren food from and tipped with a booterang to the head? [Grom]: Kilrogg Deadeye, lord of the jungle and the Bleeding Hollow. [Kilrogg]: Eeh, more like lord of the deence reely, not much for lordin’ over mosquitoes and stuff. Suckin’ all the blood outta them veens of mine, really bites when yer tryin’a geet a buzz. [Grom]: Here is Durotan, lord of the frostwolf clan of Frostfire Ridge. [Durotan]: <in a REALLY high pitch voice> Ifs yous gots an ass, I’LL KICKS IT! [Garrosh]: Hey, you sound like Blackhand sorta. Cept really squeaky! Are you two brothers or something?

[Both Blackhand and Durotan]: Nos relations.

<Both of them stare at one another for a moment and blink> [Blackhand]: Stops copies mes. [Durotan]: No yous stops copies MES! [Blackhand]: You stops copies MES, you bigs boar piles! [Durotan]: Wells you knows whats they says, immitamations ams the best forms of flatteries, so I guess yous ams just beings really nices to mes. [Garrosh]: …wow. And here I thought I talked like a moron. I can forsee this getting annoying really quickly. [Grom]: Now that we’ve uh…done role call, I think now we should move on to the most important matter at hand. Gul’dan is-- [Ner'zhul]: AHEM! [Garrosh]: I think the wind just talked. [Grom]: Hrm. Oh, of course. I completely forgot. That’s Ner’zhul. Shadowmoon chieftan. Anyway, as I was say-- [Ner'zhul]: Oh thok you, sthtuck up ath-hole! I’m tha betht there ith at thhhhadow magic, so fathe it – you need me. [Garrosh]: <wipes off his face> He spat on me like three times just trying to say shadow. [Kilrogg]: Must be a new experience, meeting someone dumber’n you, eh big guy? <nudges Garrosh> [Garrosh]: Yeah, how does it feel Kargath? [Bladefist]: <grunts> Go uh…jump of a damn cliff or something, I dun really care, whatever… [Grom]: Let’s uh…remember why we’re here now. We’ve got to focus, boys. Gul’dan plans to deceive us at the summit coming up.

We need to teach him that nobody, um, pardon my language, ‘thoks’ with our people and gets away with it.

Make an example out of him. Honestly, it’s the best move, considering if we don’t, he’s likely to cause…utter panic and havoc anyway. [Ner'zhul]: Ugh…Gul’dan things he’s shoooo cool with his fancy green magic and thtuff. [Bladefist]: Yeah but uh…that shit ain’t easy to deal with. Like uh…it burns.

Pretty bad. Y’know, like…fire or something. [Blackhand]: Yeahs, excepts the fires cans actually damages me! I used to haves a full heads of hairs, then I calleds hims a rylakk's flacid you-know-whats. Then IT HURTS MES! [Durotan]: And its ams nots the best ways to cooks your boar meats. I trieds once and gots a tummys aches. I does nots recommends its, unless you likes your meats super spiced.

[Garrosh]: Oh, OH OH! I have a plan! I have a plan! [Grom]: Well, considering your insight into the future, Garrosh, I would say you have the best chance at coming up with a successful plan. I’ll uh…put my faith in you for this one. [Garrosh]: Yeah, it’s gonna be great! No no, just follow my lead, okay? Every last one! First, we build giant…

Metal…

Balls! [Bladefist]: …yeah, this plan’s already sounding thokkin’ stupid, but I ain’t got nothing better to do this afternoon.

[Thrall]: Garrosh then told them of the technology he’d amassed in his rule over Orgrimmar. He spent days and days trying to figure out how they worked – until finally, he found the power switch... It was then that he knew just what he had to do. And on that fateful night, when the orcs were supposed to be corrupted by the demon blood offered by Gul’dan, the very same that plagued my people, something quite different happened than what history originally foretold! <Thrall leaves the stage> <The scene opens with Grom and Garrosh walking to the summit together. Garrosh is wearing a cloth hood> [Grom]: I’ve been uh…meaning to ask. Why? [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, why the sexy hood? It’s to make me look mysterious and build up my musk and sweat. [Grom]: Neither of those applications seem very well thought out. How do you think that’s going to help us in the fight against Gul’dan? [Garrosh]: It’s supposed to help? [Grom]: Nevermind. He’s already here. I can smell him from where I stand. [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, that’s just me. I haven’t taken a bath since before the last play we did. [Grom]: Well, we’ll uh…have to have a chat about that later. Here he is…in all his unholy, befouled foolishness. <The sky rains green fire and Gul’dan appears in a blaze of fel glory> [Gul'dan]: Whoohoooo! I’m Gul’dan, the Lock and Roll orc! I TAINT ARCAAAAANE! [Garrosh]: He puts his taint on a cane? That’s gotta hurt. [Grom]: No, he taints arcane. From what you told me, that’s what this ‘fel’ is, right? Honestly, it sounds a bit easier to roll off the tongue, so we’ll have to patent that.

[Garrosh]: Nah, for some reason I like “I taint arcane”! Lets me get to know the guy better! Like what his hobbies are. Do you think he likes playing cards?

[Grom]: Let’s make this quick. What do you want from us, Gul’dan? [Gul'dan]: <approaches Grom and Garrosh> Kek kek kek kek yayeah, I just want you to drink this here green stuff and join my army of the depraved and fel touched! I TAINT ARCAAAANE! [Garrosh]: We heard you the first time, and that STILL sounds uncomfortable as hell! [Grom]: Well uh, let’s consider the ups and the downs. From what you told me, Gul’dan, this drink will give us phenomenal strength and power. [Gul'dan]: That’s kek kek kek kek right, baby! C’mon and join the legion – we got all sorts of demon hunnies here to cuddle with when you’re rulin’ over creation! <walks up to Garrosh and whispers> Seriously, man, LOTTA arcane! Turns ya all green and stuff! [Garrosh]: Just call it fel! It SOUNDS cooler than a cane’s taint! [Grom]: Hrm. Great power. Power is something all orc legends have, this is true, BUT…what, Gul’dan, do we have to give in return? [Gul'dan]: Aw, it ain’t much baby. Just a lil’ bit of…

KEK KEK KEVERY THING! [Grom]: Huh. Well, I was afraid of that. Judging by the uh…unfair and one sided contract involved with being enslaved to a force of universal tyrants, I believe it is in the Iron Horde’s best interest to refuse your offer.

[Garrosh]: Hrmph. I liked Garrosh’s Horde better… [Gul'dan]: Awww, come on, baby! You know you wannaaaaa! [Grom]: No. And if you call me baby one more time, what we do to you next will hurt a lot more. [Gul'dan]: What do you kek kek kek mean? [Garrosh]: <turns off stage> NOW! <Kargath, Blackhand, Durotan, Ner’zhul, and Kilrogg all come on stage and encircle Gul’dan, then begin beating him up>

NOTE: All target him and use ‘the pigskin’ in close proximity to make it look like they're beating him up> [Kilrogg]: Teek that ya green arse! [Blackhand]: Yous ams nots my REAL DADS! [Durotan]: This ams for the wolves, you big bloated broccolis! [Ner'zhul]: Yeah, and don’t forget who thent ya runnin home to yer mother! [Grom]: Alright, boys, that’s enough. Load him into the Iron Canon. [Gul'dan]: <twitching> Kek kek kek whaaaa?! No no no, anything but the canon, baby! I’ll do anehthing! <they walk Gul’dan over to the appointed ‘canon fire’ spot and Gul’dan gets loaded up. NOTE: Gul'dan actor must have obtained Darkmoon Cannon toy) (Additional Note: Canon is mispelled on purpose, explanation in Trivia)> [Ner'zhul]: FIRE IN THE THOKING HOLE! [Gul'dan]: THIS WAS NOT OUR KEK KEK DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY! <gets fired out of the play area> [Garrosh]: Yes! My plan worked! My plan that I so carefully cooked up! NO ONE could have thought to shoot Gul’dan out of a cheap canon! I’m such a genius! [Kilrogg]: <grumbles> Anyone else wanna fire dis guy outta one’a dem canons too? [Durotan]: I mean sortas, cuz WOW-WEE he’s a dingbat. [Grom]: Boys, boys. Stop. No more fighting, okay? We should celebrate this union of the clans overcoming Gul’dan’s treachery.

Oh, and uh…Ner’zhul, gonna need you to retrieve his unconscious body wherever he lands. We kind of still need it to rip over a dimensional gateway through time and space. [Ner'zhul]: Thoking theriouthly? Thith blowths… <Ner'zhul exits in the direction Gul'dan was fired> [Grom]: Now let’s all go and celebrate our success with a big barrel of cherry grog. Then afterwards, discuss how we move forward. [Kilrogg]: Eh, sounds kinda borin, but…there’s booze involved so count me in I guess. <the warlords all leave the stage, except Garrosh> [Garrosh]: <sighs heavily> Me me…<sigh> Pick me... <walks after them, unenthused> <end scene> <The next scene opens with the Warlords all at a meeting of the minds…or lack of minds, rather> [Grom]: Alright, so brainstorming session. How can we drive the Iron Horde war machine ever forward? Let's toss some ideas around, chop chop. Let's move.

[Ner'zhul]: Well I think we should justh call the Dark Sthtar, kill them all and enslave their SOULS--!

[Bladefist]: Damn it Ner'zhul, we told you to close your mouth when you speak, Thokin spitting everywhere...

[Blackhand]: Yeah, no ones really gives a shits anyways, Ner'zhuls. Why ams you even HERES?

[Durotan]: I gives a shits!

[Blackhand]: You takes a shits ams more likes it.

[Bladefist]: Yeah, you...<grumble> Damn tryhard, always trying too hard and shit...

[Kilrogg]: Oh wait, now that I theenk of it, Kargath, you had a friggin' awesome idea earlier, deedn't ya?

[Bladefist]: Huh? Oh, oh, yeah I was just thinking that...if I we like all had blades or something for hands, we wouldn't be disarmed, uh...yknow?"

[Blackhand]: Jah, likes I coulds puts my hammers on my hands and I could go FWOOSH BOOM BURN CRUNCH, TAKES THAT IMPREGNATORS MAR'GOK!"

[Durotan]: Oooh, ands Is coulds puts myselfs an extra axe on my hands whats could helps me chops firewood without havings to hauls it around likes a dead animals!

[Bladefist]: Yeah like, you wouldn't have to Idunno, pick it up or whatever cuz it's always there.

[Ner'zhul]: Yeah but--

[Blackhand]: No one CARES, NERZ'ZHULS! <chucks a prop at him (NOTE: Tree trinket from Stormheim is perfect for this – no one expects it>

[Grom]: Boys, I've told you this before. We cannot replace all of your limbs with blades. Oh, and they're right, Ner'zhul, no one really cares.

[Ner'zhul]: Thok…

[Bladefist]: Aw come ooooooon, why nooooot?

[Grom]: Because then you wouldn't be able to walk or pick things up.

[All of Them]: ....soooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

[Garrosh]: Alright, I've got a better idea. What if we all...just focus entirely on making tons of single use, really expensive and time consuming to construct and barely better than a large catapult explosive Iron Stars?

[Grom]: Hum...I...hardly think that would be an efficient use of resources, especially when you brought over schematics for far more uh...impressive machines.

[Bladefist]: Look, Grom, we'll make a deal with you.

We promise to stop asking to have weapons grafted onto our limbs - except for me, because I'm above all this - IF...you make all those Thokin’ Iron Stars, cuz that sounds savage as thok. Only good idea he's come up with, really.

And...OOH OOH, make a big ass canon too that we can fire it out of!

[Grom]: Um...sure, I suppose a massive canon and siege carrier of some sort could be made. It would certainly help bringing along our various turrets and--

[Bladefist]: No no, see, that's the best part - make this thing ONLY a big canon to shoot Iron Stars with.

And like, make it only go forward, so when people see it coming, they're like "Ooooooh. Ooooh noooooo! Everythiiiing in this general direction is screwwwwwwed!"

[Grom]: Look, if you allow me to have a few smaller defensive canons mounted to it, will you shut up about it?

[Durotan]: Hey, cans I names it in that case? I wants to names it after my mothers wolves whats dieds when I was just a boys.

[Grom]: Fine, what was the wolf's name?

[Durotan]: Worldsbreakers.

[Blackhand]: You ams lyings, your wolfs had pansy ass name like White fangs or some shits!

[Durotan]: Hey don'ts you calls hims that you big melting rlyak dongs! I'LL KILLS YAS!

[Kilrogg]: I dunno, I kinda like Worldbreeker and stuff. But can we paint fleemin' stripes all over it and stuff?

[Garrosh]: I'd prefer the name "Garrosh's Idea". Since it was MY idea!

[Bladefist]: Hell no! We may as well call it the Grokoff's left nut if we're gonna do that.

[Ner'zhul]: HYEAH! Or the Pain in my Asth!

[Grom]: Garrosh, perhaps you should let me have the floor. [Garrosh]: But it's MY IDEA!

[Grom]: <points off-stage> You've done enough, now go.

[Garrosh]: <cries and walks away, stomping his feet and throwing a fit> Was MY idea! MINE! Nobody talks that way to me, ARGH! <kicks a marmot into the crowd, use marmot toy from Valley of the Four Winds>

[Kilrogg]: Gee there, you...kinda think we hurt tha poor guys' feelings?

[Bladefist]: Are you kidding me? That douchebag's been nothing but whine whine whine since he first showed up. Build a portal thiiiiis, unite the clans thaaaat, waaah waaah waaah!

[Grom]: Hrm. Well, to be fair, you guys, without Garrosh, none of this would be happening right now.

[Blackhand]: Yes, but withouts Garrosh nows we can actually takes the plans and makes it GOODS! I did not sees him suggests anythings after the Worldbreaker that woulds have covereds the glaring flaws it hads!

[Durotan]: OH, wow-wees! You guys ams usings my name ideas after alls? <gasp>

Oooh I'm so happyyyys!

[Bladefist]: Look, bottom line and I'm gonna level with you...<pauses and throws his arms to the side, the Bladefist prop flying into the crowd>

We can't work with this dildo! He smells like he came out of a clefthoof's asshole, tries to turn good war plans into shit war plans, has this fetish for giant steel balls of flaming glory, and he keeps drinking the Thokin kafa!

[Grom]: We wouldn't even be having this conversation right now if not for Garrosh. Now look around you and see this? See this Iron Horde we've made?

It's all because of him. Now I suggest you all be mature and not try to screw things up. We still need his help.

<Ner'zhul opens his mouth to speak>

[Grom]: And no, Ner'zhul, you're not more useful than he is. I suggest you reflect on that for a moment and think about what you were about to say.

[Ner'zhul]: ....THHHHHHHHHHHHHHOK!

<end scene> <Thrall enters the stage, with Garrosh moping by the edge> [Thrall]: Garrosh finally came to a grim realization that…No one liked him! <He shrugs.> …well, it was a realization to -him-, you must understand. Garrosh sat all alone with pitiful self under the skies of Nagrand, until he was soon joined by his father. There, he realized humility for the first time in his arrogant stupid life. <Thrall bows and leaves> [Garrosh]: <sniff> No one gives me credit for anything anymore. [Grom]: <approaches from off-stage> Garrosh. Mind if we uh…have a little talk? Little man to man, as they say? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No… [Grom]: <sits down next to Garrosh> Look, I understand you came here to warn us of this invading legion, and help us mount a counter-strike out of the honor in your heart. But we’ve got a job to do here. Everyone has to play their part, you hear? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No. [Grom]: Are you just going to say no to everything I say in an attempt to emotionally wall yourself off from what is happening right now? [Garrosh]: …n…ye…maybe.

[Grom]: What I’m trying to say is…despite how hard I've been on you, we need you. So with that said, I’d like to give you a gift for helping us out. [Garrosh]: <sniffle> Is it a pony? [Grom]: A what now? [Garrosh]: Oh, right, see, Azeroth has these things called horsies and there are smaller ones called ponies. I can’t explain why but I REALLY want one.

My own…little…pony. [Grom]: That’s….fascinating. Anyway, no, I want to give you control of the Warsong clan while I act as Warchief of the Iron Horde. [Garrosh]: <eyes widen> You want to appoint me Warchef so I can cook all the delicious food for the Iron Horde? I could be…the IRON CHEF! [Grom]: Ahm, no, not exactly. What I mean is-- [Garrosh]: I ACCEPT! [Grom]: <shrugs> Good enough for me. Alright then, Garrosh, I trust you to lead us to victory. [Garrosh]: Hah, you underestimate me! I’ll be the best Warchef ever! <end scene> <Thrall returns to the stage and bows> [Thrall]: He was not the best Warchef ever. Nor ….Warchief for that matter.

He stayed in Nagrand for many months as the rest of the Iron Horde prepared for war without him. It…did things to him. And he soon regretted his decision. In time, a vangard from the future – that is to say, our timeline - came to bring Garrosh back to Azeroth to face justice. It didn’t exactly end well for Garrosh…

<he pulls out his mace and straightens up> <Thrall bows and enters the stage. Garrosh and Thrall face each other down for the last time> [Thrall]: It is time to answer for your crimes, Garrosh. I’m going to end what I should have ended long ago… [Garrosh]: No. NO NO NO, stop taking credit for everything I do! [Thrall]: …I’ll wait till your impending tantrum is over. [Garrosh]: <points> I am sick of this blame game! Credit where credit is due, this is NOT your fault! It’s mine, ALL MINE! And I love it! [Thrall]: You…hit your head on the way over here, didn’t you? [Garrosh]: <paces back and forth> All these years, I was built up by you, from the moment we met in Nagrand. You told me I was destined to follow in my father’s footsteps. Well guess what?

I DID! And it was all me. [Thra;;]: No, Garrosh. You are not worthy of calling yourself the son of Grom. [Garrosh]: That’s the thing – do you even KNOW what Grom was really like? You practically just met him when you started hailing him as a hero! Spent what, a few weeks with him, tops? See, I’ve gotten to know the real Grom over the past few months. He’s a freakin’ deadpan! Always business, never “Hey son, you wanna go fishing?” and “THOK YEAH I WANNA GO FISHING!” Then he dumped this job on me just to keep me away from the action. Seriously, I haven’t seen a fight in WEEKS!

Just sittin’ here with my thumbs up my ass, ordering around these primitive Warsong warriors who were too stupid to work the tech we’re using in Tanaan! I can’t even get them to clip my thokking toenails properly! WHAT KIND OF BASS AKWARDS PEON CAN’T CLIP TOENAILS?! [Thrall]: …I am…not going to lie, I feel very uncomfortable right now. Should we just…continue this later or…? [Garrosh]: NO! We end this now! And I’m going to slay you. I’M going to be the one to get credit for killing the mighty Thrall! And you’re going to bask in the irony that you made me what I am, dammit! [Thrall]: …so it IS my fault? [Garrosh]: No, it’s mine! [Thrall]: Okay, then there’s not much irony for me to bask in, there. Gonna be honest. [Garrosh]: Fine, then it’s your fault! [Thrall]: No, because you chose your own destiny. [Garrosh]: LA LA LA LA, DON’T CARE, FIGHT TIME! [Thra;;]: Alright, alright. Just to be clear, these are traditional Mak'gora rules, right? Just weapons, no armor, just loincloths, maybe some...oil and low lighting- or…?

<he starts to unbuckle his belt> [Garrosh]: I don’t have TIME to take off my pants! Fight now! [Thrall]: Gotcha! MOCK'gora it is then. <Use Akunda's Firesticks if outdoors around the stage. Otherwise, be creative with this one. A storm opens up around the stage, and Garrosh stares into the sky at it> [Garrosh]: Oh… oh damn, I should have specified… [Thrall]: Any last words, Garrosh? [Garrosh]: <puts up his middle finger> Thok you, and thok the horse you rode in on!

<Garrosh is struck and dies dramatically> [Thrall]: At last.. It is over, the rein of <sniffs the air, gagging > Oh...Oh spirits.��I- BEUGH- made him smell even worse! Now he smells like BURNT worg ass.

Ohh....Ancestors...I need to go over here..

<he walks off to the side to catch his breath.> <Thrall leaves the stage, scene ends> <After the stage has been cleared, Thrall comes onto the stage one final time and bows> [Thrall]: And so...Garrosh’s tale had finally ended. But the legacy he’d set in motion could not be undone.

As the Iron Horde began to lose to the Vangard that followed Garrosh, Grom was meeting with an emissary of the Ogre Empire when he learned of how the Warlords were failing… <Narrator bows and walks off stage. Enter Grom and the Emissary of Mar’gok> [Grom]: Alright, so for Mar’gok’s cooperation prior to his fall, we’ll allow you all to continue hosting those coliseum games so long as you agree to advertise via the Iron Horde’s new logo. I’m thinking of slapping it on every seat in the house. [Ogre Emissary]: Uh…da sorcerers not gonna like dat too much. Dey tink it look dumb... [Grom]: Well you can tell them it was your idea then, and that you already signed the papers for them. Also tell them that if they to improve negotiations in their favor, they should come to these meetings themselves. [Ogre Emissary]: Hrm…OKAY! Sound good! Anything else you need me tell dem? [Grom]: Yes. Tell them to have their forces take baths more often. We’re savage, not animals. Mar’gok would agree if he were alive.

[Ogre Emissary]: Dat sound like bad idea… [Grom]: Again, tell them it was your idea. <Kilrogg bursts into the room> [Kilrogg]: Hey um…theenk ya should see this here report from tha field, Grommy boy. [Grom]: Not now, Kilrogg. I’m in the middle of ogre negotiations. You know how taxing it can be to lower my intelligence enough to negotiate with them. [Ogre Emissary]: HEY! Dat not nice! [Grom]: Well it was your idea, big guy. You uh…may want to just point those fingers at yourself. [Ogre Emissary]: Huh? Oh, me not very nice. [Kilrogg]: Um…just so ya knows then? Blackheend is dead. [Ogre Emissary]: …me sensing lots of tension. Me go now. [Grom]: Hrm. Probably for the best. We’ll continue this another time. <The ogre nods and leaves> [Grom]: So Blackhand fell in battle? [Kilrogg]: Well, in battle aaand about three floors through that feency foundry of his. Can’t tell if he did it himself or someone just hit ‘im REEEEEALLY hard through that there floor of his. [Grom]: Huh. That’s…quite a sizable loss. Without the foundry, we can’t make more weapons. Inform Kargath right away to salvage any weapons we’ve distributed to the Spires of Arak and bring them to our forces in Tanaan.

[Kilrogg]: That’s another thing. He’s uh…dead too. [Grom]: What? Kargath Bladefist? That doesn’t seem plausible. [Kilrogg]: Yeah, died in the arena against some small army. Was like…ten…or thirty people or sumpin like that what took ‘im down. Kinda cool, actually. I was watchin’ the whole thing, was badass. [Grom]: You…watched one of your fellow Warlords die? [Kilrogg]: Yeah? Gotta entertain myself with sumpin, right? [Grom]: Ugh…well maybe we can ask Durotan to-- [Kilrogg]: Oh uh…yeah, about that, shortly after our meetin’, he started having second thoughts about joinin the Iron Horde, and uh…called yas a giant assmelt and left with his middle fingers held high, went beek home. Not gonna lie, I think he was just here for the kickass war banner. We should probably just pretend he was never there. [Grom]: Hrm. Well, that’s not a terrible loss I guess. The others, yeah, but we can survive without the Frostwolf clan. What of Ner’zhul? [Kilrogg]: He’s dead too. [Grom]: Unsurprising. Did he at least die with dignity? [Kilrogg]: Kinda hard to have dignity when you get killed by five grokoffs in your own dimension of void powers. [Grom]: This…this is a pretty unrecoverable loss. Please, allow me a customary moment of silence for my men. [Gul'dan]: <enters> KEK KEK KEK KEK YAYEAH! Gul'dan gonna make ALL your dreams come true, Grom baby! Hows about you guys come and take some of this here sweeeeeeeeet fel blood? Oooooooooooh! <Gul'dan places a cauldron between them (NOTE: Goblin Gumbo toy is best, but flask cauldron or dragon feast works>

[Kilrogg]: OOH, PUNCH! [Grom]: You’ve got to be―who the hell let this guy in?! We told you before, Gul’dan, we don’t want your damned poison! [Kilrogg]: No no, you see man, it’s bloodbooze, gotta get it right. It’s booze made of blood that makes ya all strong and freaky and stuff. [Grom]: I don’t care what it’s called, frankly. Garrosh told us it would enslave us, and-- [Kilrogg]: Oh, yeah, forgot to tell ya uh…he’s dead too. [Grom]: …so you are literally my only high operative in the Iron Horde now? [Kilrogg]: Hey, I uh…I’m just teelin’ it like it ees. [Grom]: <deep breaths and rubs his temple> We’re literally on the cusp of ruin here, and all I have to help is Kilrogg Deadeye. What do you even DO?

[Kilrpgg]: Well I uh…lots of…stuff, I mean I can…do a little jig? Would that make ya happeh? < Kil'rogg /dances>

I mean, I’m great at drinkin’ games. Watch, I’ll prove it! Betcha anything I can chug that bloodbooze no sweat! [Grom]: No, wait, KILROGG DON’T! <Kilrogg takes Gul’dan’s felbood and chugs it>

KILROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!! [Gul'dan]: CHUG CHUG CHUG! Kek kek kek beautiful, baby! [Kilrogg]: <belches fel> See? Wasn’ so beed, just a bit spicy is all, I mean I can hold my liquor. Though I do kinda have this urge to serve Gul’dan now, and the legion. I mean, aside from that, I’m fine. [Grom]: <kneels down> Kilrogg…you idiot. [Gul'dan]: You can’t kek kek kek win, Grom! My fel drink is just too good! I TAINT ARCANE! [Grom]: I have lost…everything. [Gul'dan]: Aww, it’s okay Grommy baby, cuz you still got uuuuuuuus~! [Kilrogg]: Yeah, I mean why not just drink it yourself? This shit feels thokkin’ great, my bulging Bleeding Hollow dangledonger ain’t never felt so big. You gotta try this, it’s…It’s just good, man, try it. <suddenly Ner’zhul appears floating as a ghost> [Ner'zhul]: FINALLY, Got thith plan to thokking work! Now I’m an immortal thpirit and can command the armieth of the DAMNED without ever getting hurt mythelf! It’s a pretty good plan if I do thay though mythelf. [Grom]: <shakes his head at Ner’zhul> Too late, Ner’zhul. Far too late. [Ner'zhul]: <looks over at Kilrogg who grins and waves> Aw THOK no! I did not intentionally die to make mythelf one with the void JUTHT to have thith happen! I’m calling my agent! <floats off stage> [Grom]: I uh…better follow him. I’m his agent’s agent, so… <sneaks away> [Kilrogg]: Huh…hey uh…shouldn’t we go after them? [Gul'dan]: It’s kek kek kek cool, baby! We’ll get ‘em some other time! <walks off stage> I TAINT ARCANE! [Kilrogg]: Hey, works for me. And uh…to all you slackoffs in the audience, I take fan mail in booze-a-grams and vouchers for brew of the month. <Scene ends, all leave the stage>>

<Thrall enters the stage> [Thrall]: And thus ended the tale of Garrosh Hellscream. His charred remains forever forgotten in the place in which is tale began, those many moons ago...

Except in another timeline entirely. One that we will likely never have to see or speak of again..BUT!

His legacy endured. For it was due to him that we fought and bested the Legion, just that it was a lot sooner and lot more costly than we would have hoped!

And as we fight on into the future, Horde, never forget...

<Thrall points to Garrosh very sternly and then looks to the audience.> It was his fault! SERIOUSLY! THOK THIS GUY! [Garrosh]: Hey, at least people are going to remember I actually did this one, right? [Thrall]: <facepalms> For the love of....THE. END! THAT’S IT! NO MORE! HELLSQUEAL ONE, TWO, THREEQUEL, NO PREQUEL! NO SPIN OFF, NO VERSION WHERE WE GET TO SEE HOW I'M DOING.WE’RE DONE! THAT’S IT! -SHOOS- IT’S OVER! YOU CAN ALL GO FIGHT NOW! WE’RE DONE, THERE’S NO MORE! THAT’S IT! NADDA! DONE! <Thrall wanders off screen muttering>

[Garrosh]: <looks to the audience and shrugs> Hey, at least I made it interesting, right? Good night, Snorehowl bless, and don’t forget to poke holes in all your rubbers…

Rubber ducks, that is. Thok ducks.

Uh…

Later.

<Garrosh’s ghost vanishes (use invisibility potion)> <END>

TRIVIA

Hellthreequel was originally part of Hellsequel, but realizing the play would last far too long and there being more we wanted to do with the courtroom scene, we split the plays. Regardless of this fact, it still took years for us to actually have the cast size needed for this play.

Hellthreequel boasts the largest on-stage cast requirement of any of our plays, with the largest scenes having anywhere between 7-8 characters needed on stage at a time. Some scenes made it impossible to have the proper numbers, so we wrote flexibly in those scenes, such as the first meeting of Gul’dan, so we could drop our numbers when needed.

This play was only ever performed twice. Since we were retiring the first two, however, we felt it would be improper to keep this one around too, since so many jokes build upon references from Hellsqueal and Hellsequel.

In our last run of this play, WoW’s very own in-game cinematics project director Terran Gregory attended the show, and even recorded a portion of the play on his Twitch channel! Needless to say it was a surprising honor!

Many (see; Almost all) of the jokes in Hellthreequel regarding the Warlords was based upon the fictional Death Metal band “Dethklok”, and their show formally on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block “Metalocalypse”. The personalities of the main cast of that show were given to each of the Warlords, but we made sure to write them in a way where their banter and lines were still funny out of context. Even the poster, done by @shamanofthewilds much like Hellsequel’s poster, was a reference to it!

Kargath Bladefist was “Nathan Explosion” (Kargath Orcsplosion), the gravelly voiced vocalist of the band.

Durotan was “Toki Wartooth” (Durotoki), the happy-go-lucky animal petting ‘why the hell is he even with these guys’ member of the group.

Blackhanz was “Skwissgar Skwigelf” (Blackhanz). Contrary to some crew member’s confusion as to why the blonde, long haired guitarist of Dethklok would be played by a bald orc, we added a line about how Blackhand used to have hair, which is actually true. Also, Hanz’gar and Franzok kind of opened the gates of hell by introducing out-of-setting accents to the Blackrock clan, so we had fun with it.

Kilrogg Deadeye was “Pickles the Drummer” (Kilrogg the Deadeye), the booze and drug addled drummer and voice of reason, but not by much.

Ner’zhul was “William Murderface”, the bass player. Just based on what he plays, one should gather what the joke was.

Grom was “Charles Offdensen”, the straight-faced, no-nonsense business minded manager of the band.

And of course, Gul’dan was Dr. Rockzo, the rock and roll clown. He does cocaine.

Speaking of, many of the quirks of Dr. Rockzo’s zany behavior was added to Gul’dan, including his catch phrases, and adapted of course to the WoW setting. “K-k-k (yeah)” became “Kekkekkek”, effectively the same sound, but referencing the in-game language barrier, and “I do cocaine” was changed to “I taint arcane”, since fel is technically tainted arcane energy. That, and “I do fel” didn’t seem to have the same appeal.

Despite these massively out-of-world references, as with any references we put into our plays, we worked hard to make sure they made sense in-character, but also gave ourselves freedom enough to have fun with it. While Hellsequel was Atos’s favorite overall, Threequel remains Atos’s favorite to have written.

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